ALFUMD NOVEMBER 35# — COCKS fAYSTERY AlAGAZINE

NEW stories presented by the master of SUSPENSE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Dear Readers,

The current census shows an increase in bubble-gum-chewing and the writing of fiction. Psychiatrists tell us this is most encouraging and salubrious, indi­ cating a release of tensions "in these troubled times." Always eager to be decidedly therapeutic, my fine publication is therefore sponsoring a short story contest that is open to everyone —the incarcerated and those not' as yet apprehended. Elsewhere in this issue are the rules and the rewards. Interestingly enough, the prizes without exception are monetary in nature. For those winners, however, who are opposed to money on principle, there will be durable, embossed plastic metals.

As you know, Halloween is almost upon us. This is a holiday dangerously close to my heart. When that form of life known as children come trooping to my door in sundry disguises, demanding "trick or treat," I am ready for them, barricaded and ready. You see, I am aware that children prefer conflict of sorts to bouquets of lollipops and scatterings of chicken corn candy.

And, of course, politics has been with us right through the summer. Early in May, I turned my television set off; and when the oratory still came through the walls, I called the police.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE ^S;Ji^L%:^rioi"'L'"^^ T^J'SSliSd SLutcs iiiu! I'ossfKsions; elsewhere $5.00 (in U. S. funds) for one year. Piihlisiieii monthly by 11. S. D. I'uhliealion.s, Inc., Lukeview HiiiklinK #105. North I'aim Keaeli. Fhi. I'uhlication office. 10 Ferry Street. Con- eoni, \. H. Socoiul chiss poslajie paid at Ooticoni, N. K. (H) 19fiO by H. S. D. riihlications. Inc. All rights reservcil. I'rjleetiou secureii under the Interniitiniial and I'aii-Arnerieai) copyrifiht conventions. Title regi.stered • IJ. S. I'Hi.. Office. Keprodiietion or use, without express permission, of eiiitorial or pictorial content in any iiuuuier is !irohil)tted. I'oslafie must accompany manuscripts if return is desired, hut no responsibility will he assuriiud for un.solicited material. .Manuscripts should be sent to Alfred Hitchcock's ilystery Magazine, I.akevievv Muilding #105, North I'alm Beach, Fia. No similarity between any of the names, characters, persons and/or iiistihitions ai)peaririK in this numa/.ine and those of any livinH; or dead person or institution , is intcniU'd-anil ;ni,v similarity whicli may exist is purely eoincidental. I'rinled in the U.S A.

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED VOLUME 5, No. 11 NOVEMBER, 1 MO

CONTENTS

ONE POUND OF DEATH by Donald Honig 2

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT by Gilbert Ralston 11

NIGHT OF AN EXECUTION by Mann Rubin 28

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER by Jac\ Ritchie 36

30,000,000 WITNESSES by Talmage Powell 48

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME by Donald Martin 54

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM by C. B. Giljord 64

RUN, MURDERER, RUN! by Bryce Walton 78

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN by Henry Slesar 90

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION by James Holding 102

9 FROM 12 LEAVES .3 by Steve O'Connell 112

FASTER THAN AN HONEST MAN by O. H. Leslie 122-

RICHARD E. DECKER, Publisher WILLIAM MANNERS, Editorial Director PAT HITCHCOCK, Associate Editor G. F. FOSTER, Manag ing Editor LISA BELKNAP, Associate Editor MEINRAD AAAYER, Art Director BARBARA REMINGTON, Illustrator

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED C^ARL wondered if the valise looked as suspicious to other peo­ ple as it did to him. Beside him on the back seat of the cab, it looked positively lethal. When he had taken it from his friends (along with his instructions) a lit­ tle while ago and hailed the cab and got in and told the driver to take him to the airport, he was certain the driver could tell that the valise held a can containing a pound of heroin. That was one of the hazards of carrying something like that—its grimness seeped into you and made you look suspicious. Carl told himself as they sped along the highway toward the air­ port that his fears were ridiculous, of course, that no one had X-ray vision. The driver's whistling non­ chalance, eased him somewhat. Arriving at the terminal, Carl got out—valise in hand. From

It's wholesome and American for a criminal to want to rise in the world, to want to get on to bigger, but not better things. And so we have our hero, Carl Luca, about to niake the most of an important illegality.

2 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED gratitude (for what he didn't quite insist upon cUnging to it, would be know) he was going to give the certain to arouse suspicion. (He cabbie an inordinately large tip, had been thinking about all these but suddenly became afraid it things since they had told him two would draw attention to him— days ago he was being entrusted one of the cardinal rules was not to with this mission.) So he watched draw attention to one's self—and the valise go riding away on the so tipped only a quarter. belt, through the litde archway. Entering the terminal, he When it was out of sight he was

straightened his shoulders and almost relieved, as if he were no determined to walk as casually as longer responsible for it. Then he he could, despite what seemed like went to the waiting' room and a thousand pound weight in his lighted a cigarette. hand. He went to the flight desk All he had ever done for the or­ and inquired concerning the time ganization, heretofore, had been to of departure of his' plane and then collect money from their various checked in his luggage—the single bookmakers. So why they had valise. Checking the valise was the chosen him for this dangerous as­ most difficult act of all, but he felt signment, he did not know. Maybe he had no alternative. For him to because it was not as dangerous as

ONE POUND OF DEATH LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED he thought. To their way of think­ ly because he knew, iji a moment ing it was probably simple. All he of clear, logical reasoning, they had to do was ride on the plane and couldn't all possibly be looking for then when he landed in Chicago him—he remained where he was. give the vahse to men who would Then, out of curiosity, he rose and be waiting for him, and then turn pushed aside the waiting room door around and catch the next plane and sauntered out into the ter­ back. It was all so very simple, ex­ minal. The pohcemen were stand­ cept, of course, if he happened to ing around the desk, in their midst get caught. But there was no way two distinguished old men. for that to happen, he felt. This "What's all that about.?" Carl was a simple, uncomplicated plan. asked a stewardess who was just Perhaps he was finally getting passing. his chance. He had been in the or­ ^ "Oh," she said, "that's the Prime ganization for almost ten years Minister." now, and had always been deep in Then Carl remembered. The for­ the lower echelons. But he had al­ eign dignitary vras touring the ways been loyal and competent— country. He recalled having read he was sure the higher-ups were in the rnorning paper that the man aware of this—and perhaps this as­ was going on to Chicago after signment was in the form of a pro­ having pled in Washington for as­ motion, a first chance to do bigger sistance for his strife-torn coun­ things. After years and years of try. He was evidently going on the running errands and fulfilling same plane as Carl. menial jobs, perhaps he was finally Carl breathed with relief, then getting his chance. congratulated himself for not pan­ These thoughts were like a icking and running away. He dream, a dream that included all would have to report this to his the trappings: the expensive suits, employers, let therri know how he the big cars, the showy women, the had handled himself in what had nods of respect from his associates. appeared to be a bad situation. The desire to make good on his Feeling smug with self-confi­ mission suddenly became a passion. dence, he mingled with the police, Sitting there smoking, thinking a wry humor amusing him. It these things, Carl almost leaped would be a good one to tell when out of his seat at the sight of he got back, how he had virtually a dozen policemen swarming had a police escort right to the through the terminal. He would plane. He looked at his watch and have ignored caution and run out then checked it-against one of the of there, but—partly because he wall clocks. They would be board­ was too terrified to move and part­ ing the plane shortly. He began to

ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED feel the nervous excitement that wards the front and Carl could not follows the relaxation of tension. see him. Then it was time. The Prime After about fifteen minutes, Minister had gone first. The other when all the passengers had been passengers stood back and watched seated, Carl glanced at his watch the police escort him across the and noted that it was past take-off field to the plane. The httle truck time. He began to feel an uneasi­ had been emptied of its baggage ness which his new feeling of im­ and was coming back. Carl portance could not quite put to watched it with some satisfaction. rest. He cursed the Prime Minis­ In a few minutes he would be ter, certain that the delay had boarding the plane. The Prime something to do with that per­ Minister was going up the ramp sonage. now. At the door he paused and Then he saw two men coming posed for photographers, a small, across the field toward the plane. grave, austere man. They were walking very quickly. "I don't know why we've got to Carl looked around. He came for­ stand around waiting for him," ward in his seat; the safety belt someone behind Carl grumbled. pulled him back, infuriating him, Then the Prime Minister disap­ as though it were suddenly sym­ peared into the plane and the po­ bolic of some abruptly sprung lice were coming back—with them trap. He unbuckled the belt and let several well-dressed men who had the halves fall back around him. been there to shake the dignitary's He was certain that he had been hand. The other passengers were found out. It was their way, the permitted to board then and they law's infernal way, he was con­ walked across the field toward the vinced, to let him think he was plane. Carl felt again that wry getting away with it until the very amusement as the poHce filed back last moment, and then come and past him. If they only knew what take him off the plane. There was was concealed in his luggage. It no way out. He saw himself being would probably be worth the at­ confronted by the can of heroin, tention accorded to six Prime Min­ his mission a failure. isters. But, at the same time, he real­ He went up the portable stair­ ized he was letting himself be car­ way and found his seat and sat ried away by unreasonable fears. down and buckled himself in. He So he waited. had a window seat and from it a The men came up into the plane. view of the Administration Build­ There was a murmured conversa­ ing and the spectators' ramp. The tion with the stewardess. Then she. Prime Minister was sitting up to­ came down the aisle and said:

ONE POUND OF DEATH

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm astonishment, the incredulity froK afraid there will be a slight delay his voice. in our departure. It seems," and "They've got to search every­ she grew a trifle embarrassed thing," a man said. "Don't worry here, smiling, "there has been a it won't take long. They're fast and bomb scare. Would you all mind thorough." going back to the terminal while He just stood there and gaped die plane is searched.?" while the others filed around him. Carl almost laughed out loud The police passed around him with reUef. Was that all it was? again, going out to escort the Just a litde old bomb ticking away Prime Minister back. Blank-faced, someplace under somebody's seat.? feeling as if his every artery had He got up and stepped out into the been sealed shut, Carl followed the aisle and was one of the first off others into a special waiting room. the plane. There, while the others sat and "There's probably nothing to it," relaxed or griped, he stood by the one of his feUow passengers said window and watched the luggage as they walked back across the as it was being unloaded. field. "Somebody probably read What was he to do now? Run that the Prime Minister was going away while there was still a to be aboard and decided to have a chance? That was the most ap­ little joke." pealing idea that occurred to him. "Probably," Carl said. But he couldn't just abandon the "I say they're foolish to print ev­ valise. His employers would hard­ ery httle move these people make. ly take kindly to such a course. It gives the practical jokers a They were extremely touchy about chance." their merchandise, especially about "That's right," Carl said, smil­ any of it being lost. Perhaps there ing and most agreeable. was a chance the can would not be As he was about to re-enter the discovered; perhaps the search terminal, Carl happened to look would be routine and cursory. back. What he saw made him stop, Didn't airports get these kind of his body stiffening as though warnings all the time? Perhaps the struck by lightning. The big, down- searchers had become blase about opening door in the plane's fuse­ their job, cynical and skeptical. But lage had been opened and several even if they were, the fact that the airport personnel were removing Prime Minister was a passenger the luggage and piling it onto the upon this plane attached more sig­ small truck. nificance to the warning and would make them much more "What are they doing?" Carl thorough than usual. They would asked, trying to keep the fear, the

ALFRED HITCHCOCK J MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED open his bag and look through it come in yet. The other door and find the can, and they would opened out upon the field. Carl become suspicious and would ask closed the door behind him and him what was in it. They would stood there. Two young airport make him open it. employees in gray overalls were All these things kept passing unloading the luggage, pitching it through his mind as he stood at the into the room. .His eyes feasted window, the tension building in, upon every piece, watching tensely. him like a fire being stoked. He His heart burned with an exciting felt as a man feels who is about to urgency as he reaUzed he might be sentenced. Then he realized get his chance there was but one course for him: Then the two young men left he would have to get the valise the room completely. They were back before it was searched and taking the truck back to the plane escape with it. That was what his to complete the unloading. Carl employers would expect him to do. moved quickly then. He pushed If he could accomplish this, they aside various sized and colored would be greatly impressed with pieces of luggage, looking for his him and congratulate themselves own blue and white valise. Then for having picked so astute a man suddenly it stood before him, as in­ for the assignment. criminating as ever. His future suddenly was bound He reached down and quickly up with that valise. picked it up. He looked around. He went out into the terminal No one was about. He turned and and over to the flight desk. hurried back to the door of the "Excuse me," he said to the girl, main waiting room. He opened "but where do they do the search­ the door and walked straight across ing of the luggage?" the waiting room, eyes severely She smiled. "They're probably ahead, looking at no one, a hot, doing it in the employees' room, giddy excitement inside his head. next to the main waiting room." Then he was out of there and He moved away. He paused, walking through the busy ter­ tried to appear casual, and then minal, hardly daring to breathe, no headed for the main waiting room. longer afraid but unwilling to per­ Entering it, he saw the door mit himself to feel gratified too marked Employees' Room. He quickly lest his optimism prove went to it and opened it. They premature. But he saw no reason were bringing the luggage in, why it should be so. The automat­ throwing it around rather careless­ ically opening doors were just ly. The policemen were still with ahead. He walked on the ap­ the Prime Minister and hadn't proach and the door marked Out

ONE POUND OF DEATH

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED mysteriously and wonderfully Carl opened his mouth to pro­ swept out before him and he test, but it was of no avail. The passed through and was outside. man opened the door and pushed He walked along the curb and him out into the hall. Carl stood then headed away from the ter­ there for a moment, then headed minal, trembling with excitement. for the elevator. He was almost glad now that the bomb scare had occurred. He In the apartment, "they" were hailed a taxi and got in, slamming sitting behind a closed door at a the door hard, with satisfaction long, shiny, mahogany table. He told the driver the address and "I'm surprised you took a job then.leaned back and crossed his like that," one was saying. arms. He felt quite smug about The other shrugged. "Why not? himself. Their money is as good as anybody About a half hour later, Carl was else's." taking the elevator to a very luxu­ The door opened and the man rious apartment. His knock at the with the holster came in, holding door was answered by a 'large, the valise. They didn't look at broken-faced man, wearing a gun him. He waited a moment and holster over his shoulder. then put the valise down and "You back already.?" the man went out. asked. "Who was the fellow who took "Yes," Carl said. The man closed it to the plane?" the door. "Where are they?" "Carl Luca. He's been a hanger- "In conference. You can't see on for years. We told him it was a them" load of heroin for Chi. There's "It's very important." enough dynamite in there to blow "What's so important?" up a dozen planes." The speaker "This," Carl said Hfdng the va­ pushed back his cuff and looked lise. at his watch. "It should be going "You can leave it, can't you?" off about now . . ." "I have to talk to them." The man took the valise from Carl was crossing the street him. "I'll give it to them," he said. when he heard the explosion. He "Now get out of here. They're ex­ looked up as bits of glass tinkled pecting some people." at his feet.

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED IY NAME is Jonathan Keeler What follows is the truth. I shall Wainright. I am forty-six years of not embellish it, simply stating the age, a widower, at present in the facts as they occurred chronologi- best of health. cally as I remember them.

A salesman is an individual who will repeat ad nauseam that he has something decidedly excellent to sell. But, of course, salesmen must sell themselves first. This is not easy. Because this product, you see, is frequently somewhat dubious.

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Let us begin then at noon on the the counter with a distasteful piece twenty-fifth of June, at the lunch­ of cloth. room counter of the bowhng alley "Argus Pools," I told him, of a town called Three Forks, a "What's that.?" typical Cahfornia suburban devel­ "Swimming pools." opment, without dignity, or a de^ "Goetz building one.?" cent. restaurant. I sat at the end "Yes." The counterman riveted seat of the counter, steeped in con­ his gaze on me, birdlike in his in-, templation of happier times, pick­ terest. "You sure you ain't a rela­ ing occasionally at a weary slab of tive or somethin'.?" glutinous apple pie. I have always "No." taken pride in my appearance and "Too bad you ain't." I must have seemed an outre and , "Why.?" I asked. vaguely foreign figure in this de­ "Goetz is loaded, that's why. cidedly inelegant lunchroom. Load^—ed!" He returned to his blue "More coffee, Mister.?" plate specials, . pleased with his The gutteral croak broke in on knowledge of the great. my. reverie, sending tiny flames of shock up my spine as I looked up at the counterman. I shook my. head It has always been my habit to emphatically. consciously organize myself, . to "That'll be a dollar thirty." gather myself, as it were, before en­ I paid the proffered check, tuck­ tering a commercial fray, making a ing the odd two dimes under the- soldier's survey of the terrain. I did saucer, the counterman palming so, before the flamboyant facade of them with a mumbled grunt of the Goetz Realty Company. A thanks. He was peering curiously small black beetle rested upon the at me as I fumbled my wallet back walk before me. I crushed it care­ into my pocket, my hands clumsy fully with my foot; then I made my with the ache to snap his turkey way up the walk and through the neck. entrance door, my bearing con­ "Ain't you Ray Goetz.?" he said. fident and crisp. I shook my "head again. There were no tenants at the "Funny, you look like him, several desks in the large room, sorta." lending it a sterile and imperma­ I forced a cordial smile, al­ nent air, only the muted whine of though the question started me. the air

12 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED words "Ray Goetz" on the middle they were somewhat stronger in his panel of a door leading off, sun­ case, lips and eyes almost identical. light bright beneath it. I was forced His voice was not unUke my own, to gather myself again, the empty except that it was uncultured, a room playing on my nerves. Ten quality exaggerated by the crude deep breaths, I told myself. Then patois of his speech. knock. Low voice. Confidence. My "I quit being surprised a long hands still shook a little when I time ago, Wainright," he said, "but rapped on the door. ,this shakes me some. It really "Come in." does." He followed my glance I stood in the doorway after I around the room. Then he said, had opened it, staring at the man "Jazzy little dump, isn't it? Monu­ behind the massive desk. "I'm Jon­ ment to the great American athan Wainright," I said. "Argus Chump." He smiled crookedly, Pools." still scrutinizing me. "Figures," Goetz replied. He "Chump?" seemed annoyed at my hesitancy, "That great body of installment at the way I was staring at him. buyers known as the common "What's eating you.?" man. My dear departed customers. "Someone told me that we look The great big beautiful unwashed alike. I'm startled to find it's true. I public. The chumps." He was beg your pardon." preening himself, spreading out the Goetz scowled at me, examining feathers of his superiority for me to me from head to foot, finally ris­ examine. ing. "Have a chair, Wainright," he "It is a handsome office." I said, said, affably enough. "Over there looking at the black leather divan, in the light. Turn your face." He the prints on the wall, the heavy circled me then like a judge at a bronze lamp in the corner. stock show, making little clucking "Not bad for a Chicago street noises in his throat before he sat rat," he replied, obviously pleased down at his desk again. "Heard by my flattering appreciation. "Saw about things like this," he said. one like it in a book. Hired a char­ "Never thought one of them would acter to match it for me." He happen to me." reached with his left hand for a "It is surprising, isn't it? The Re­ cigar out of the silver humidor be­ semblance." hind him, lighting it clumsily from We were almost the same height an ornate desk lighter, spitting the and coloring, except that my hair bitten tip onto the beige rug. (I was grayed somewhat more than particularly despise cigar smoke, his. A caricature of me, the fea­ clouds of which billowed around tures almost matched, except that me as he continued.) "Fellow tried

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 13 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED to pad a couple of bills. So I stifled him for his. He's still hollerin'. Guess he should have read the motto there on the desk." He pointed out a small brass plaque that proclaimed: "Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto You." I read it, knowing then that this was the enemy, always and forever the enemy. "You own the pool company?" His words were measured now, the professional, preliminary open­ ing skirmish. "I'm the sales and service repre­ sentative." He. looked musingly at me. "Salesman," he said. "For a pool company." He went on, mouthing his expensive cigar, the tobacco a soaked horror against his lips. "Here we sit. Twins. One up. One down. How old are you.?" "Forty-six." I was hypnotized by his rudeness. "I'm forty-seven." "You go to college?" "Yes." "Got a degree?" "Bachelor of Fine Arts." "Married?" "No. Not married." "That's the way it goes. You got you to sign, Mr. Goetz," I said. a college degree and expensive "For the pool." tastes and I got four million dol­ He looked sharply at me, a spec­ lars. You have to sell pools and I ulative look in his hard blue eyes. retire and have a lovely wife." "What contract?" he said. Fortunately, I have learned to "Your secretary sent me the or­ control myself. I ignored what he'd der. In a letter. I have it here." I said and came right to the point of drew out a copy of the letter and my visit. "I have the contract for laid it before him.

14 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Don't have a secretary any Los Angeles tonight. It's a long more. Not here, anyway. Sold out drive back." It was a mistake to the business two weeks ago." press him, the cheap little power I fought the feeUng of disaster, complex craving a victim, hungry knowing he was the sort who for an audience. would pounce on any weakness "Mr. Wainright." Even the way like a cat, keeping the signs of my he pronounced my name had be­ agitation out of my face. I remem­ come a subtle insult. "You ' sup­ bered the order in the mail, the posed to service this deal?" endless pressure from the home of­ I nodded. fice to make a sale, the risk I had "Service it then." Suddenly he taken in accepting the order with­ grew affable again, his ego evident­ out a contract. ly sufficiently well fed for the mo­ "I'm sure the work has begun," ment. "Come to the house for din­ I said. I was definite, calm. ner. I'll read the contract and sign "Yes, it has," he answered. it tonight." "Without a contract." I balanced future hours of this "The steel should have arrived game of cat and mouse against an­ also," I said weakly, sparring for other miserable meal in the bowl­ time. ing alley. "All right, Mr. Goetz," I He gave me another analytical said. "I should be delighted to glance before he spoke. "It has." comeito dinner." I pointed to the pages on the Goetz pointed to the contract. desk. "Here's the contract," I told For the first time I noticed that the him. "It's a simple purchase order. middle fingers of his right hand I marked the place for you to were bandaged. "Fold that for me," sign." My calmness and force were he said. "I have a sore hand, having some effect on him. He Caught it in a piece of machinery. reached for the pen in the holder Chewed the tips of two fingers in front of him, hesitated. off." "I want to read it first," he said, "I'm sorry," I replied. flicking a contemptuous finger at Goetz looked at me, amusement the document. touching his lips. "No you're not, "Please do," I replied. Wainright. Right now you hate my "I want to read it later. Later to­ guts." He smiled, silkily. "But I'm night," Goetz was measuring me not such a bad fellow when I get again, the speculative glimmer still my own way. You'll get over your in his eyes. gripe." "It would be gratifying," I said, He was mistaken. "if you could read it now, Mr." There was an elongated converti­ Goetz. I have an engagernent in ble parked in front of the building, MUKDER MOST CONVENIENT 15 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED chromed, blatant, expensive. Goetz and find yourself a quiet little cot­ paused a moment near it, fishing tage full of nice, conventional awkwardly for the keys with his mouldy furniture." injured hand. He turned to me "Perhaps I would," I said. again. "C'mon in." "You got a car, Wainright?" The interior of the house was in­ "In the parking lot at the bowl­ credibly, unbelievably beautiful. I ing alley," I said. remember my feehngs of shock as "Leave it there. Get in." we entered the living room, my He drove with a flourish, tooling feet slipping deliciously into the the big car expertly through the velvety pile of the wall-to-wall car­ streets of Three Forks, impatient pet, the cool touch of muted music and agressive with the less opulant somewhere in the background. The traffic. I examined him covertly as room was done in gentle grays and he drove, cigar clamped in his black, sparsely and tastefully fur­ teeth. This is the way, I told my­ nished, an occasional spray of flow­ self. This is how it is done. As­ ers a colorful accent against the surance. Arrogance. The acceptance otherwise unadorned walls. Goetz of superiority without question. did something to a hidden electric "Get a load of this toy," he said, switch behind a set of white drapes, reaching for a telephone under the whispering them aside, uncovering dash, then placing a call to his a wall of glass which ran the full •home through the mobile telephone length of the room. I saw the patio operator. stretching away from the house, The Goetz residence crouched at' and beyond that, the ugly scar of the top of a rolling hill, overlook­ the excavation for the swimming ing the town, a fenced and mani­ pool. cured show-place, flat-roofed, red- "Sit down, Wainright," Goetz bricked, heavy with glass and said. "I have a couple of calls to modernity. make. I'll go and tell my wife you're "One hundred and fifty thousand here." bucks," he said, as we got out of He departed at once, leaving me the car. free to give my attention to a Chi­ "Charming," I replied. nese screen in a corner of the room Goetz turned to me, a twisted unable to keep my fingers from smile hovering around his lips. caressing the luscious lacquer, trac­ "Come o£f it, pool salesman," he ing the intricate design. said. "You hate it. You're the quiet "Do you Hke rny room?" New England type. If I gave it to Spinning in the direction of the •you, you wouldn't live in.it. You'd sound, for a moment I was with­ sell it to another hustler like me out poise, having been startled by

16 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED the voice of the dark woman conversation, covering her scrutiny standing there. of me with questions. "I'm Mina Goetz," she said. "It's a new system," I said. "You do look hke him." "Squirts concrete out of a hose. "Jonathan Wainright," I said. "I Like a fire hose. Then we plaster, came about the pool." and the job is done." "I know," she rephed. "He told "And then what.?" me." She waited calmly for me "We put the water in while the to speak again. Part Indian, I plaster is still wet. Whole job takes thought, Mescalero—perhaps Co­ only a few days." manche. "How did you happen to get "It is a lovely room," I said. into this business.?" She asked. "Did you do it?" I told her a little about my back She was impassive, weighing ground. She was an exceedingly her reply. "Yes," she finally said. good listener, although I found "It's easy, when you have anything her remarks somewhat convention­ you want to work with;" al and ordinary. /'It's never easy. Not really." "Where are your people?" she "Don't flatter me, Mr. Wain- asked, finally. right. I'm not used to it." She "They died some years ago. I moved quietly into the room. was an only child." "Please sit down. Will you have a "I'm sorry. And your wife?" drink.?" "I am a widower." Hesitating "No, thank you." before following her lead, I de­ "There are cigarettes beside cided to risk it, caution giving you." She moved to the wall way to curiosity. "How long have switch, closed the drapes. "I like you been married?" I asked. that better. It filters the light. Be­ There was a decided pause be­ sides it shuts out that awful hole fore she replied. "Three years," she your men made." She curled up said. I could see the shadow cross on the chair across from me, sinu­ her eyes as she spoke. "Three ously winding her legs into a com­ years," she said again. fortable position, the Hght playing "Makes it sound like thirty, on her high cheek-bones, sculptur­ doesn't she?" Goetz was standing ing her face. Ubasti, cat-woman, in the doorway, a drink in his ready for the blood. bandaged hand, "C'mon, let's eat." "Tell me what you do next." He moved toward the dining "Tomorrow we put the steel in. room, his eyes hot and savage as It's like a basket. In the afternoon they flicked • across his wife's face. we spray in ,the cement." I turned to wait by the door for "Spray it in.?" She was making her, She was standing in the mid- MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 17 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED die of the room, her dark face Mr. Wainright," she said, her gen­ placid, only her eyes alive as she tle voice calm as she began her watched her husband leave the dinner. Goetz rose out of his seat, room. She moved then, as though his face murderous. "Sit down, consciously willing, herself to Ray," she said. "Eat your soup." move. Force coupled with gentility is Ray Goetz stood at the head of power. Mina Goetz had depth, the table, the drink already at his more than Ray Goetz could ever place, a maid hovering nervously understand. Also I had begun to in the background. He motioned sense a fact which should have me to a place. "Sit down, Wain- been obvious from the very begin­ wright." It occurred to me with ning. Ray Goetz loved his wife, some interior amusement that this and was rendered desperately help­ was the fourth time the man had less by her. She could hurt him, ordered me to a seat. "Have a and did several times before the drink." interminable dinner faltered to a Drinking at the dinner table has close, Goetz glowering and affable always seemed to me to be an by turns, filling his whiskey glass abomination. again and again. Mrs. Goetz and "Better have one. Part of your I covered up our reaction to his contract." Goetz could not abide a condition with small talk, care­ refusal of-any request. fully engineered by my hostess, The silvery voice of his wife for whom my admiration contin­ broke into the building tension. ued to grow. "Don't press it on him, Ray," she In many respects I found the said. "Some people don't hke to situation captivating. I've always drink at dinner." been titillated and intrigued by "So they don't," said Goetz. "So violence of any kind, and so I they don't." He took a deliberate found our efforts to keep the con­ swallow of his drink. "You know versation going an exciting coun­ something.?" he said. "Mrs. Goetz terpoint to the unpleasantness of doesn't like to drink at dinner ei­ my host and client. It was fatiguing, ther. That is, she doesn't like for however, and I felt relieved when me to drink at dinner. I have a we moved to the living room for very stylish wife, Mr. Wainright." coflee. For a moment I envied the My eyes went from one to the servants their escape, as I heard other, searching for a clue to the their cars going down the drive; relationship between them. She was then I thought of the days of peace smiling sweetly, her even teeth the eight hundred dollar commis­ bright in the candlelight. sion for the pool would buy for me. "My husband is a drunken pig, The peace I'd have imtil the next

18 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED time, of course. Until the next pleasant tingle in my fingertips. Goetz stood in my way. Aria da Capo, I thought. Song of "How are your fingers?" I asked, the end. This is the way. Always, Goetz, searching for a safe subject Always ... of conversation. Mina Goetz's voice cut into my "They hurt some." He waved concentration. the glass in his hand. "This stuff "Ray, stop it," she said. "Stop it, makes a good anesthetic." now!" "Would you like me to look at "Sure, rU stop it! I'll stop it!" them?" Mina asked. He reached into his coat pocket. "Let 'em alone. Practice on the "Here's your contract, pool sales­ poor." man!" He threw it on the floor. Goetz went back to his drink. "Take it. Go on, take it. And get I must have looked questioningly out!" at her. The scene was a tableau for a "I was a nurse once," she said. moment, Mina standing to one Goetz was weaving over her, his side, Goetz raging and dominat­ slack mouth gone hard again. ing the room, my head swirling, "You want to know why I asked swirling. After a moment, I him here?" stooped to pick up the contract. "Yes," she said, "if you want to "It's not signed, Mr. Goetz." I tell me." said, making my voice as calm as "Wanted you to see what you possible. might have got for yourself," he "And it's not going to be signed, said. "Look at him! Fancy clothes. pool salesman." Fancy college. I've been pushing I tried again, patiently, the little him around all day and he hasn't shocks going through me now, got the guts to tell me off." again and again. "You can't do I'd risen to my feet. The little that, Mr. Goetz. Why, I've the vein began to throb in my temple, signed ordei from your secretary." a rhythmic thump, thuinp, as he "My secretary? She's long gone, went on. Mr. Wainright." He was spitting "Looks like me, doesn't he? my name now. "Nobody but an Doesn't he? Except for one thing. idiot starts construction without a He ain't got two dimes to rub to­ contract." gether!" He stood over me, his The waves were coming now, drunken face a loose sneer. "He rolling, up from my feet, slowly, stands there taking this—for a slowly. "Do you mean you're not commission, for a two-bit commis­ signing, Mr. Goetz?" sion!" "Get out," he told me. I could feel his rage now, a "I'll pay it, if he doesn't, Mr.

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 19 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Wainright." Mina Goetz said. hand grasped a metal statuette Goetz turned on her savagely. which had rested on the table. "No, you won't baby. I got you For a moment we circled each tied up. All tied up. You could­ other, Goetz turned animal, the n't buy him a hamburger if he effects of the liquor lost in fury. was starving." He lunged at me again, bringing The waves swept over me, calm­ down the statuette with crushing ing me, soothing me. I gathered force on my shoulder, the pain myself again. Goetz was glaring at beyond memory, a streak of fire. I me. It was wonderful, exhilarating. struck him again and again with I faced him for the last time. "Fat- my good left arm, hard, to the tura della Morte." I said. "Fattura face, to the body, trying desper­ della Morte." ately now for the killing cut to the "Get out!" he shouted. back of the neck, terribly handi­ I struck him, soHdly, on the capped by my injured shoulder. I chin and mouth, relishing the im­ managed the kick to the ulnar pact of my fist. He went down, nerve area of the arm which pausing for a moment on all fours, forced him to drop the statuette. his bloodied mouth working, his But he leaped at me again, mad­ eyes insane. It was good to be alive dened fingers clawing for. my again, focused, feather-light. I throat. We fell, Goetz's face a struck again as he rose to his feet, nightmare before my eyes, as I felt a short chopping blow to the solar the inexorable pressure on my plexus. He would have been easy, throat. I fought for breath, for vi­ even without the liquor. I stopped sion, stiU hearing the animal his clumsy rush with the cut to the sounds, the endless cursing that windpipe, tripping him without poured from his lips. Out of the difficulty, sending him crashing whirling red haze I could see the elaborately into the ornate coffee man's wife standing over us, the table. statuette raised high above her Mina Goetz was holding the head, saw her bring it down once door open. "Get out of here," she and then again, Goetz going limp said. "Run!" upon me as she did so. I crawled Our eyes met and held while I from under him and staggered to shook my head. The room was my feet. Mina Goetz was looking caught in a static moment of time, down at the still form of her hus- unreal, a ballet scored -with vio­ . band, her eyes wide, her breath lence. Careless, I assumed Goetz coming in great gulps, the bloody was unable to continue. I tui-ned statuette still in her hand. just in time to avoid the direct "I hate him," she said. "I hate force of his next lunge, his right him."

20 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I leaned over the table, gather­ her warm brown eyes on me. ing myself again, forcing strength "Bury him. In the bottom of the into my exhausted body. When I excavation for the pool. Tomor­ looked up, the woman was on the row they'll put the concrete in. floor beside her husband, her He'll never be found." hands busy and professional. She "They'd find out," I said. "Soon­ held me with her eyes. er or later they'd find out. They "He's dead," she said. "I killed always do." him." "Only in fiction," she said, and I crossed over to Goetz and stood up quickly. It were as turned him over, feeling for a though she'd come to a decision. pulse as did so. "What do you suggest?" I asked. "He's dead," she said again. "I "The obvious. Take his place." know." She was suddenly very animated, "What do we do now?" I asked pleading. "You look Hke him. her. Take his place." "Sit down. Rest. Let's rest first." "It's impossible." It was a singular moment. I was "You wanted an opportunity. intrigued by the reaction of the Take this one. Everything could woman. And I was surprised that be yours. Everything. There'd be she had not given the body of her no trouble about the business. It's husband a second look after assur­ already sold. We were going away ing herself that he was dead, that as soon as the pool was in. I could she had made no protestations of close everything out on the phone. sorrow or of concern, that she sim­ Nobody would ever know. No­ ply sat, thinking calmly, her long body, just you and me." fingers quiet in her lap. "where would we go? I've no ' "We must notify the police," I money." said. "We were ready to leave. There's- "We can't," she said. "What will money here. Enough. Tickets— you tell them?" passports—everything." She came "The truth. What happened." close to me then, talking, talking, She shook her head. "We can't. the pattern growing. "It's just your I killed him. You killed him. hair really. We could dye it. People That's all we can say." don't notice things closely. It could "We could say it was self de­ be ours, all of it, the money, the fense." house, everything. If we report it, "They wouldn't believe it." we get~ nothing. Not even the "I suppose not," I said and, money. Bury him. Take his place. strangely enough, felt amused. I'll help you." "Bury him," she said, turning I weighed her statements care-

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 21 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED fully. I have a certain talent for Together, we dragged the limp masquerade, but this one required and bleeding body to the hole, roll­ the coolest logic. It was a chance, a ing him in face down, covering long one, fraught with danger and him carefully, pounding the loose difficulties, but filled with drama. soil into its old contour again, Perhaps, this swung the scales for spreading the residue carefully me. "You'll have to help me," I over the bottom of the excavation. said. I made a last examination while She was at my side in an instant, she held the light. her hand on my arm. "I'll help "Now," she said. "Now we are you. It'll work. You'll see." committed." My torn coat was left in the liv­ "Yes," I replied. "We arc com­ ing room while we walked to the mitted." excavation, my shoulder numb, "Come into the kitchen." but less painful, which assured me I was reeling with fatigue. "No," that there was no serious damage. I said. "Not yet." She was hard, "There's a shovel in the rear of definite, as she led me into the the house," she said. "The work­ house. "You can sleep afterwards." men left their tools." "Can you do it?" I asked. "Are It was a luminous California you sure?" night, moonlight flooding the bot­ "I was a surgical nurse, a good tom of the hole, turning the ugly one," she answered. "I can do it. excavation into a magic place. The Just don't watch." digging was not difficult, the soft I woke from a drugged sleep earth easily moved aside. Sudden­ hours later, her face a cameo over ly, I turned to her. "I thought of rhe, the memory of the night be­ something else," I said. "The fin­ fore a collage of wild color and gers. He had two injured fingers. blurred - movements. Disoriented, People must know about it." for a few moments I fought real- Her face was elfin in the moon­ • ity. There was a deal of pain, my light. "I'm-a nurse," she said. "I shoulder aching where Goetz had can do it. It was just the tips." hit me, a number of other mis­ Her lips were avid now, the wet cellaneous contusions making tongue flicking in and out. "I was themselves felt. I looked curiously treating him. I have some novo-, at my hand, suddenly recalling the caine. You won't feel it." scene in the kitchen the night be­ "You're a little mad," I said to fore, the hypodermic and the her. knives, the hospital smell. Now the "Perhaps. A Httle." She was smil­ bandages were evidence that it had ing at me, gently. "It will all be all been real. worth it." "Hurry," Mina Goetz said.

22 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "We've work to do." She pointed the pool and every now and then to a bedroom window. A truck walked over the grave. was standing there, two workmen Mina was beside me when the beginning the construction of the truck left the house, our indiscre­ steel basket for the pool. tion covered with a net of steel. "Will they dig?" she asked. "It's almost over, Jonathan. Almost "No. There'll be just the steel to over." It was the first time she put in." had called me by my given name. "How long before the cement "When you go in that door again, man comes?" she asked. you'll start a new life. You'll have "Four or five hours," I said, a new name and a new life." She "Maybe more." stopped me at the door, both her • "They'll expect you to super­ hands on my shoulders. She kissed vise?" me, gently, her lips soft against "Only the steel work. The oth­ mine. "You're Ray Goetz now," ers are specialists." she said. "Rich, retired, and mar­ "Go out there now. Do your ried." Early that afternoon the job. For the last time." She smiled, cement machine started its work, a little secret smile. "Keep your spraying the layers of cement on bandaged hand in your pocket. the skeleton of steel. They mustn't see it. I'll have a cup "What do they do next?" Mina of good, hot coffee for.you in the asked. kitchen." "They plaster it in a few days, Dressing was a painful and awk­ then fill it-with water. Then we ward process, my injured shoulder may swim, if we wish." and hand making it very difficult There are a hundred little things to shave. She was in the kitchen which go to make up the public when I entered, a charming break­ memory of a man. I listed them as fast set out for me. It was the first carefully for the Goetz that I was decent meal I'd had since coming to become as for the Wainright I to Three Forks, a pleasant start must erase. Mina was also busy; to an eventful day. she dyed my hair, dressed my fin­ The inspection of the pool gers which hurt abominably, and proved routine, although I had rummaged through the wardrobe some difficulty keeping my eyes to find clothes to fit me. As Wain- from returning time and again right, I made a call to the Argus to the shallow end where the body Pool Company, resigning without lay. Fortunately my bandaged fin­ notice, taking a pleasant moment gers began to ache, giving me a to annoy the management with a point of concentration while the pohtely acid criticism of their prod­ steel workers built the basket for uct. Mina mailed the last of my

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 23 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED business correspondence, return­ The first test of my ability came ing the contract for the pool with on Monday of the second week, a check in full, carefully signed, when I appeared at the local bank proving most adept at this minor to deposit several routine checks forgery. (Actually, it is remarkably received in the mail. People are easy to forge an acceptable signa­ essentially unobservant, and pro­ ture, if all the related documents viding that the pattern of a per­ are correct.) I had no family with­ sonality is not changed or violat­ in reach, nor did Goetz. This ed, a masquerade such as the one simplified and helped. My fur­ in which I was engaged is practical nished room in Los Angeles was and possible. I did ordinary things, canceled by mail, my clothes and on several subsequent visits to personal effects stored through an town, progressing from one small obliging moving cornpany. Mina public chore to another slowly and dismissed the servants, and I kept easily, grafting the idea of the new out of sight while they grumbled Ray Goetz over the town's idea of their gratitude for a month's salary the old, and by the middle of the in lieu of notice. third week had . genuinely begun Day in and day out, Mina helped to enjoy my new existence, spiced me with my study, patiently as it was with danger, and made pounding in knowledge of Goetz's whole by the comfort and pleasure background, reading and re-read­ I had begun to take in Mina. ing the records of his investments We had scheduled our departure and -banking affairs which she for the end of the third week, feel­ produced from the desk in the ing that we had sufficiently planted study. It was really a surprisingly the idea that Goetz was st€l alive. simple chore. Goetz had arranged (I took extraordinary pleasure in all his affairs for retirement and, bathing in the pool, a cosmic jest inasmuch as his investments were which Mina did not appreciate.) It for the most part in real property, was a gracious period of my life, there did not seem to be any dif­ filled with music and laughter and ficulties which could not be sur­ the promise of better things to mounted. There were no visitors, come. We prepared for our trip except an occasional deliveryman, with care, first the careful sched- each of whose services, Mina uhng of trains (I am nervous stopped as of that date. Gradually, about flying), then the delightful the personality and background of chore of arranging the stops for Goetz became cleair to me, the our Grand Tour, Paris, Rome, Ma­ cloak more easily worn, the part I drid, Stockholm, Copenhagen. was playing as definite as an ac­ Perhaps the. peak of my enjoy­ tor's role and as easily assumed, ment of this adventure came on

24 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED our departure night, when we sat ing that idiotic and theatrical ges­ in the living room, a staid, wealthy ture of all police officers, showing American couple about to take a me a metal badge, mumbhng the year's vacation. I thought then of usual formula. Mina was stand­ the rare pattern of the past few ing by the bags, her face a living days, the odd and interesting be­ question. I believe I carried the ginning, the exciting climax, the opening conversation off splendid­ wonderfully managed but uncon- ly, seating them, offering them a trived ending which somehow still drink. remained too simple—and unsatis­ "I'm Ray Goetz," I said. "This is factory from a dramatic viewpoint. my wife, Mina. What can we do As we sat and waited for the taxi for you?" to take us to the station it amused "I see you are leaving, Mr. me to think of other endings I Goetz," the tall one said. "We'll be might contrive. I thought of Wain- brief. Sorry to bother you." right, the man I had destroyed, "Please go ahead," I said. "We and of Goetz, the man I had be­ have allowed a little extra time." come, and how easy it would be "We are looking for a Mr. Jon­ for me to slip back into the-char­ athan Wainright," the tall man acter of Wainright again, picking said. up the threads of his life where "He's not here," I told him. it had stopped only three weeks "That is the name of the gentle­ before. To do so I would have man who came to put the pool in to remove Mina, a simple matter for us three weeks ago." ' in her present absurd and childish "When did he leave here.?" the state of trust. A scarf properly ap­ tall man asked. plied, the body left in the bed­ "On Friday, June 26th, as I re­ room, and the authorities on a member," I said, hesitating appro­ merry chase for the absent but non­ priately. existent husband—a wonderfully "Do you remember the time?" baffling puzzle. But there was the "About live o'clock in the after­ matter of my fingers, and above all noon. I remember, because I took the vast quantity of wealth which him to town. The clock on the I was enjoying. It was an imprac­ bank read five twenty-five as I tical idea, the contemplation of dropped him off at the bowling which ceased with the ringing of alley." the doorbell announcing the ar­ "Why there?" said the tall one. rival of the cab. "He said he left his car there." I smiled at Mina and opened (I could only bemoan my stupid­ the door to find two men on the ity. But it had seemed perfectly porch, the first of them perform- safe to leave the Wainright car in

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 25 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED the bowling alley parking lot, add­ his shorter companion was busy ing one more bizarre note to the with his notes. disappearance of Jonathan Wain- "We left at five o'clock." right, but I had forgotten that "You're sure of the time?" abominable counter man, whose "Quite sure. I remember check­ memory of a stranger was the un­ ing my watch." doubted cause of this visit from "You left here at five o'clock on the minions of the law.) Friday, arriving at the parking lot "Has something happened?" at what time?" Mina asked. "Five twenty-five, by my watch." "Just a routine disappearance, "We are trying to pinpoint the Mrs. Goetz. The car is still there. time as precisely as possible." At the bowling alley. He never "The clock on the bank read picked it up. Did he say anything five thirty as I went by on my way to you that might indicate where back here." he was going.-"' "You returned the same way?" They were being professionally "Yes." casual. "No," I replied. "He fin­ "You're sure of the time, Mr. ished his supervisory job and left. Goetz?" I assumed he was going back to "Positive." Los Angeles." They rose to leave. The tall one "Why did he leave his car in looked at me for a moment, casu­ town.?" ally. "Mr. Goetz." "He met me at the office. I asked "Yes." him to dine with us and saw no "What did Wainright look like?" reason why we should take two "Rather like me, I thought." cars. He stayed here over night, "Yeah. We saw the picture." supervised the construction of the They were both, eyeing me now. pool, then left." "Would it be possible for you to "Why did he stay here?" take a later train?" "He was a pleasant enough fel-, "Inconvenient, but possible." I low. We had a spare guest room." was superb. "Why?" "We're not questii. ing your mo­ "We would like you to come to tives, Mr. Goetz, just trying to get the station and write out a state­ a little information. How did. you ment." get back to town?" "You are insisting?" "In my car. Down the Country "Might as well tell you. It's kind Club Road." I felt seciu-e now, the of important we find that fellow danger averted. Wainright." "What time was that?" The. tall "Is there something you haven't one was doing the talking, while told us?" Mina asked.

26 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED The tall officer stopped to hold truck. Had the road blocked from the door for me. "Yeah, Mrs. three to six." Goetz. Two things." I savored the Mina was past speech as I turned pulsing feel of the room while at the door. Mina waited for her answer. "Good night, Mina," I said. "Wainright's a pathological killer. I shall always remember her face, We have three fugitive warrants as the complex web of circum­ for him." stances, drew tight around her. Mina, her eyes wide, looked Fascinating, really fascinating. from me to the officer. She was My own position was ridiculous never more beautiful. to say the least. They were polite "Who did he kill?" she said, enough to me when they took me the words choking their way out to the station, even apologizing of her throat. for the necessity of taking my fin­ "His wife, among others. Real ger prints, then maintaining the naine is Keeler—Jonathan Keel- tradition of all police departments, er. Sometimes he tags the name keeping at me and at me, repeating Wainright onto that." in a hundred ways the same dull Mina was rigid, her hands shak­ questions, over and over, annoy­ ing, her face turned up to mine like ing me to a point of distraction. I a flower in the sun, searching, am not a patient man, nevertheless searching. I smiled at her. I bore this endless repetition for "You said there were two nearly two hours, feeling a sense things," she said. of relief when at long last I asked The short officer answered this for and received the proper equip­ time. "Yes, Ma'am, there is an­ ment to write this account, which other problem. We'd hke Mr. I have done as carefully and ac­ Goetz to explain how he got to the curately as my recollection would bowling alley with Wainright that permit. Friday at five o'clock on the Coun­ I am somewhat regretful about try Club Road." making further difficulties for "I've already explained it," I said. Mina Goetz, but after all the whole "Not well enough, Mr. Goetz. thing was her idea. There was a truck overturned on Signed, that road that Friday. Big, trailer Jonathan Keeler

MURDER MOST CONVENIENT 27 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I shall not be my usual suave, witty, charming self in introducing this drama. I shall merely Say that in bringing it to you I have been clever, enterprising and commendably compassionate.

Darcy, "but your astonishment has some foundation. This gun's load­ ed. Please cooperate and no one'U get hurt." Fred, ' the older of the two guards, was the first to recover. His body trembling, he raised his If ARCY waited until the guards had finished shaving his legs and the Chaplain was seated across from him, ready to open the Bible, before making his move. He had five minutes before the Warden would arrive. The gun he withdrew was a small, rusty automatic that had been smuggled to him three weeks previously by a friend, who had stood by him all through his trial f. > and later through his long ordeal ..^JAJU^*^^ to escape the chair, through twelve years in a six-by-six cell on Death hands, forgetting the half-filled Row. coffee cup he was holding so that Darcy clicked off the safety-latch it smashed to the floor, splattering to let them know he desired his pants- with liquid stains. He their attention. The two guards looked positively abashed, as if he were piling his last supper left­ had suddenly caught his best overs on a tray~and the Chaplain friend kissing his wife. was adjusting his glasses, when the "You're crazy. You'll never get low, metallic sound scraped away with it." through the cell like sand-paper. "We'll see," said Darcy unper­ Their three heads turned simultan­ turbed. "Let's, just wait and see." eously. Next it was the Chaplain, a tall, "I'm sorry, gentlemen," said white-haired man with a calm, un-

28 ALFRED HITCHCOCKS MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED theatrical manner. Darcy had found created the laxity that had made it him to be extremely well read and possible for Darcy to get the gun. a fine conversationalist; he hoped Young Brick stood posed, ready the man would offer no difficulty. to spring into action, more out of "Put the gun down, William. hurt then anger; tears welled in You don't have a chance." his eyes. "Please, Chaplain, stay out o£ "Don't be a fool," warned Darcy. this. You know me well enough "You dirty louse!" screamed the by this time to realize I've weighed boy. "I trusted you! Now I see and reweighed every detail of this you're everything they said! They move. Under the circumstances, I should have killed you years ago!" know exacdy what my chances are "Don't think they didn't try," for what I want to do." said Darcy, grinning, rising. He A flicker of movement caught waved the gun menacingly. "Okay,

the corner of Darcy's left eye and all of you. Back against the far he turned abruptly, the gun so wall. And keep your hands in sight tightly held it seemed a part of his at all times. When I finally leave own flesh. It was Brick, the young­ here, I don't want your blood on er guard, the one Darcy felt might my hands," be the most trouble. A big, likeable They obeyed him in silence, their farmboy, he took pride in his as­ eyes continuing to stare bewilder- signment, and through the years edly at the violence of his action. had treated Darcy more like a per­ Each felt personally betrayed.- sonal friend then a condemned Darcy sensed this, and he sincerly murderer. This relationship plus wanted them to understand he the total improbability of a convict wasn't acting out of a sudden im­ on Death Row having a gun, had pulse or whim.

KIGHT OF AN EXECUTION 29 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "If you're interested, that coffee utes," answered the Chaplain, his pot near my bed is still warm. Also voice solemn, unforgiving. let me recommend the French "When do you make your pastry." break.?" asked the young guard. They ignored his offer. "Be patiem." He shrugged, took a cigarette "You'U be caught," from his shirt pocket, Ut it, and "Perhaps." still keeping in the shadows, moved "I hope they give you a good to the front of his cell, where he long fry for this one." could observe both ends of the "I'm touched by your senti­ outside corridor without being ments." seen. It was a familiar sight after He stumped out his cigarette; twelve years, so that even a cursory nothing tasted right tonight. He glance told him all was running looked toward the Chaplain, according to plan. On the left was "What about you.? Don't you the heavy steel door through which have two cents to add?" the Warden would eventually "You said you didn't want my come, and on the right, twenty-five advice." yards farther down, was the small "Even so, I can read your eyes. green door that opened into the You're so disappointed in me. I execution chamber. haven't followed the rules, haven't His eyes paused on one other conformed to the etiquette expect­ object in the immediate area, a ed of someone who's lived twelve telephone resting on a wooden ta­ years on Death Row. Where's my ble half-way between his cell and sportsmanship, my school loyalty?" the execution room. He knew the "I'm not going to condemn you, phone was hooked up on a direct William. It's your Ufe. You must line to the Governor's mansion. know what you're doing." He had heard it ring many times "That's right. Chaplain. It is my for many men, just as he had life. Every miserable second of it. I heard its silence pronounce final owe nothing to nobody. That's doom on an equal number of men, why my mind's made up. This is who walked past it to the green the night I go^" door—never to return. Tonight, it Silence again. Eyes studying was the most' vital instrument in him, puzzled, remote,, frightened. Darcy'S plan, on it depended. the" "But what if the Governor calls? success or failure of his entire op­ What if there's^a reprieve?" some­ eration, , one asked. "What's the time?" he asked over Darcy laughed cynically. "You his shoulder, mean like last time?" "You have less than ten min­ "Yes," said the Chaplain, sud-

30 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED denly emotional as if he sensed a of the steel bolt on the cell block weakness in Darcy's armor. "Ex­ door as it slid ponderously back actly like last time, and the time from its locked position; the Ward­ before that, and all the other times en was arriving. before that. I think the authorities ^ "Darcy, for the last time—" . of this state have been most lenient "Shut up!" with you." He took a deep breath, his gun "I agree. Most lenient." cautioning his prisoners for abso­ "Then give them another lute silence. This was it, the last chance." piece in the jig-saw puzzle. Now if "No. Tonight I. call the shots." only they followed the same proce­ He paced silently in front of dure that had been followed all the them. Outside a light rain was fall' other times. He listened for the ing, but the wind was heavy and tell-tale footsteps. dark, brooding clouds cruised the Always in the past the Warden sky making the night blacker than entered alone, conferred quietly for usual. He wondered what people several minnutes with Darcy and were doing in New York, Chicago, the Chaplain, while the two guards San Francisco. One thing they on duty remained in the back­ could always say about him, he ground, and then the Warden sig­ was big city all the way; he loved naled an oflficial within the Execu­ jazz and glitter and a fast pace. tion Cahmber to admit the large That was why the twelve years entourage of reporters and State had been such a nightmare. It was dignitaries, who wished to witness like being buried alive, pebble by his death, to a special room on the pebble, until nothing was left alive other side of the electric chair, in you, not even memories. where they could observe his final He lit another cigarette. Again moments in soundproof comfort. it was dry and burned raw against It was usually at this point that his throat. He coughed, flung it the Governor would call, granting away. His palms were sweating Darcy another stay. His audience like leaking faucets; his nerves felt would leave, his guards and the stretched beyond the confines of his Warden would congratulate him body. What a fool he was; he'd on his good fortune, and he'd be never be able to carry it off, not in returned to his cell to await the a milHon years. He cursed himself, outcome of new legal maneuvers, cursed the endless days of torture new protest marches, new head­ and hopelessness which drove him lines denouncing him as the vilest, to the brink of this crazy precipice. ~ blackest murderer ever to appear Suddenly, came the sound he'd in the annals of crime. been listening for, the unclasping He waited. Outside, just beyond

NIGHT OF AN EXECUTION 31 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED his vision, the cell block door "You must be out of your swung open, shadows danced mind." along the corridor walls, a flurry of "Possibly." excited whispers came to an abrupt "Damn it, Darcy, don't you real­ halt, the heavy door creaked on it,s ize there's an army of people here hinges and swung shut. Darcy tonight? Reporters, cameramen, pressed deeper into the shadows. prison authorities, picket lines; Everything depended on the pat­ even the state miUtia's been called tern being repeated detail for de­ out this time. You'd never get two tail. feet beyond this cell block without More silence. Perspiration drip­ someone spotting you and giving ped from his chin. The men across the alarm." from him stayed motionless, lis­ "I'm aware of that." tening as attentively as he for "Then give up this ridiculous the first shuffling of feet. Would it idea. Spare a lot of innocent be one or many? bloodshed." Then a single pair of footsteps "I've no intention of hurting reverberated across the corridor. anyone." The Warden had entered alone. "Then give me your gun." Perfect. Darcy breathed again, "Not till I'm over the hump." smiled fleetingly at his prisoners. "Three minutes to eleven, Wil­ In a matter of seconds he saw liam," said the Chaplain. "What the bulbous shape of the Warden can you hope to gain at this come in view. He was a plump point?" man, who moved slowly and took "Don't you know yet? Don't great pride in the progressive way any of you know?" his penitentiary was run. They stood staring at him, a "Good evening, Darcy," he said; mere three feet away, their faces "Good evening, Warden," re­ blank, puzzled, openly hostile. plied Darcy, and showed the gun. Darcy wanted to yell his heart out, "Nice of you to join the party." and shake them until at least one The plump man bleached white; felt the pain and terror gnawing he was already standing inside the his insides. Twelve years he'd lived cell, where his excess weight made with it, and how pathetic it was to any thought of agile heroics utter­ find this private legacy of fear ly impossible. still nontransferable. "Where. . . .?" The Warden stirred restlessly; "Let's just say it came from outer- the heat was getting to him, and space, Warden. What's important is he was thinking more of his repu­ that I'm holding it, and six bullets tation now than of the immediate are in it." circumstances.

32 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "I'll be the laughing-stock of the "Some believed the killing' was country once this gets out. I say accidental. Some didn't. Me—I we've got to rush him." He took don't know anymore. Whether I a step forward. intentionally pulled the trigger or "Warden, please," said Darcy, whether it accidentally fired when "don't make me do something I was' overpowered from behind, we'll both be sorry for later." is, after twelve years, hazy in my The Warden wiped a hand across mind . . ." his red, perspiring face. He The three men moved in on glanced at the two guards hope­ Darcy, slowly, carefully. fully. "You understand, I can't remem­ "You with me, boys?" ber what I was feeling when the "A minute. Another minute," gun went off. No image from the pleaded Darxy, edging back along past focuses. But what does that the wall. His heart was beating matter. What's important is that a hard against his chest. jury found me guilty, a judge sen­ "Why.'' What's going to happen tenced me to death, and—" then? You expecting help?" It was then that the first sharp, "Maybe." jolting ring of the telephone "He's bluffing, boys," said the struck, reverberated up and down Warden, attempting another half- the length of the entire cell block. step forward. "Rush him, when I It shattered all other sounds, all give the word." other motions, it reached each of Darcy reached the furthest cor­ the men like a blast of clean air. ner of his cell, felt the cold, ungiv- The Chaplain reacted first. ing steel of the bars penetrate his "Thank God," he said relieved, cotton shirt; this was the end of and stepped forward, his hand the line. outstretched to receive Darcy's gun. The two guards, nervously "No," said Darcy firmly, the inched forward, closing their ranks. weapon remained clutched in his The air was stifling, noiseless. fist tighter than ever. "Listen to me," shouted Darcy. The Chaplain stopped dead. "'Twelve years I've been in this The phone rang a second time. hell-" "Darcy, it's the Governor. It's "Brick, you get him from the your reprieve," fumed the Warden, left," said the Warden. "And you pushing the others out of his way hit from the right, Fred." as the phone rang a third time. "Okay, I robbed a bank and-a "Hell, he's saved you again. Let man was killed." me go answer it." "Leave the middle for me, boys," Darcy kept the gun leveled at said the Warden. the plump man's forehead.

NIGHT OF AN EXECUTION 33 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "You move another foot and I'll again I've prepared myself for that kill you, Warden. I swear it.'.' finality. Nine times I've gotten "You damn fool," wailed one ready, and nine times, at the last pos­ guard. ^ sible moment, I've been spared." "How long you think he's going "So why are you complaining.'"' to keep ringing?" screamed the "Because suddenly death is easier other. to face, then living from vacuum to "Get him, boys. He's out of his vacuum. That's dying piecemeal, head. This time let's get him,"^ and I can't go through it again. coihmanded the Warden, and start­ Don't you understand, even, mur­ ed to charge forward. derers have their breaking point. An arm reached out, gripped his Don't doom me to another eter­ wrist, holding him in check. It nity of hving hell. Give me the jus­ was the Chaplain. tice I was condemned to, not this "Wait. I think I understand. torture rack of endless nothing­ This is his breakout. This is the~ ness. I'm not a puppet. I won't let way he, as an individual, has myself be used by an ambitious chosen to go." He looked toward governor in an election year to Darcy for confirmation. keep his name in the headlines. I "Chaplain, you and me talk the want out. I want out the way it was same language. Thanks." Darcy decided by my peers. Please, Ward­ smiled appreciatively. en, don't answer that phone. This The Warden pulled free of the time let the Governor dangle, let Chaplain's grasp, studied both men him know the meaning of a lost quizzically. "You're as crazy as he cause; let him yvait, and wait . . ." is," he told the Chaplain. "If I In the corridor the phone rang don't get to that phone, he pays another four -times, then went si­ with his life." lent. For a long while no one "I'm afraid it's out of our hands," moved or spoke, each seemed ob­ said the Chaplain sadly. He nod­ livious of the others, as if isolated ded to Darcy. "Go ahead, Wil­ by an inner wall of private thoughts liam, explain." , and memories too personal to In the background, the phone speak of. continued to ring. Darcy Ht a "It's over," said Darcy, finally, cigarette, blew out the smoke lei­ lowering the gun. "He'll call your surely, like he had all the time in offiice and a couple of other places the world. before trying this hne again. On the "Like I was saying, Warden, I other hand, there's the possibility, hold no malice toward anyone. he might call right back." Right or wrong, I wais convicted He-waited but still the others and sentenced to die. Over and over didn't respond.

34 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Well, Warden? Do we proceed He winked, crossed back to as scheduled?" Darcy, hesitated a second time, then "You can't mean it?" quickly lifted the gun from his "If I didn't, don't you think I hand. In a moment he'd emptied would have used this on myself the chambers and pushed the wea­ long ago?" He gazed at the gun, pon deep into his own pocket. For then, holding it in the flat of his a time they faced each other with­ hand, cautiously extended it to­ out speaking. ward his captives. "So long, boy," said the Warden, "I told you I was expecting help. finally. "Gonna miss you. You Yours. For you see, in truth, I'm played a good game of checkers." somewhat of a coward. Please, just "There'll be others," said Darcy. say the right word." "I suppose." Abruptly he turned, The Warden hesitated, rubbed pushed open the cell-door, stepped again at his fat, glistening face, and into the corridor and signaled to tried to catch the eye of one of the the ofBcial inside the Execution others. No one turned; it was to be Chamber to admit the impatient his decision alone. He took a deep crowd of press and witnesses. He breath and strode closer to the cell looked a last time at Darcy, saying, window. For a few moments he lis­ "Anytime you're ready." tened to the raging wind and Darcy straightened his clothes, watched a fleet of dark clouds kicked off his shoes. The two sweep across an already black hori­ guards touched his shoulder as zon. After awhile he turned. they proceeded him out the door. "A bad night," he murmured. The Chaplain came forward, gent­ "Wind's like a sledge-hammer. Bet ly took his arm. it's knocked down phone lines all "Pray, Chaplain." over the state." He glanced at his "For your soul, William?" watch, then up at Darcy. "Anyway, "For my soul—and for that I never did cotton to our Governor. phone no't to ring again," said Not once in all the years he's Darcy, and followed the others into called here, has he ever asked who the corridor. he was talking to." The phone remained silent.

NIGHT OF AN EXECUTION 35 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED We had a table in Lustow's, where the waiterships are heredi-' tary and the ceilings distant. Her- mione is the widow of the late Sen­ ator Abner Trotter. Three years ago she married Frederick Combs and he is now running for Con­ gress in the sixth district. She came to a decision. "Very well, rthink you're the man for the BSERMIONE is a woman of noble job. At least Mrs. Berling recom­ proportions, resembling, in part, a mends you highly and that is good grenadief sergeant who has not ex­ enough for me." > haled in twenty years. "I haven't The Mrs. Berling she referred to the slightest desire," she said, is a charming lady who has been '"merely to exchange one black­ deprived of three of her husbands mailer for another." in the last seven' years. She is one "Of course not. Madam," I of my more consistent and therefore agreed. "And your fears are profitable customers. groundless. I am. a man of honor "The man I want you to dispose and never, in my entire career have of is Edmund Pelletier," Hermione I resorted to blackmailing one of said. "Or at-least that is the name he my clients. I confine myself strictly uses. He has a suite in the Parkin­ within my talents, inclinations, and son Hotel. Number 239." profession. In short, I tnurder, and "Do you have any particular time that is all." preference for his death? Most of

36 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Hermione stated the fact without the slightest trace of embarrass­ ment. "Frederick was a jewel thief before he rnarried me. Of course I wouldn't have married him if I'd my clients like the protection o£ a known that." solid alibi." "Naturally not." "This isn't going to be quite so "The niorality of the thing does­ simple," Hermione said. "You've n't bother me a bit," Hermione also got to obtain and destroy the made clear. "But I am infuriated evidence he uses for his blackmail. that the blundering idiot made-the I leave the method to you." jnistakeof getting caught at it by "Pelletier is blackmailing you.''" this Edmund Pelletier about four She almost, snorted. "No one years before I married him. I didn't could do that to me and get away ,know that either until three weeks with it. My husband is his victim." ago." "Ah, yes," I said. "He's running I mellowed my tongue with a sip for Congress." of wine. "May I ask how you hap­ "He ought to make it too," Her­ pened to meet Frederick Combs?" mione said firmly. "He has a good "He came to a great many of my speaking voice and he looks fine on parties when Abner was still alive. television. That's why I married Probably to steal jewelry, I imag­ him in the first place. He's a little ine, but I usually keep mine in a simple,, but we manage to conceal safe deposit box at the bank. After that fact by having him talk slow. Abner died,' I looked around for a Gives voters the impression that suitable replacement and Frederick he's thinking every minute." happened to be there." The waiter brought Hermione "A lonely woman needs love.?" I her steak. Rare, of course. I myself suggested—a bit doubtfully. prefer a steak so well done that the "Love, nothing." Hermione was blood of the abattoir does not read­ emphatic. "I'm a woman with drive ily come to mind. and J find that the best outlet for "Why is your husband being that sort of thing is through a hus­ blackmailed.?" I asked. band. I worked Abner Trotter

Politics is a word not ordinarily spo\en in the presence of chil­ dren. There are those who would even ban it from polite society. That it has a place in this fine bi-partisan publication is therefore quite obvious.

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED from the State Assembly into. face became thoughtful. "Fred­ Washington. And if the fool hadn't erick breaks so easily." killed himself in an automobile ac­ Her eyes cleared. "Frederick has cident four years ago, he would been paying two hundred dollars a have been in the national conven­ month to this Edmund Pelletier for tion this July as a favorite son, at the last eight years." least." From what I knew of blackmail­ She dipped a square of steak into ers, that presented an item of inter­ the mushroom sauce. "After Abner est. Invariably their demands in­ died I did some inquiring and crease. "The sum was consistent? found that Frederick Combs came Through all those years.?" - from one of the best families. Sec­ "Yes. However now this Pelletier ond voyage of the Mayflower. He wants three hundred dollars a graduated from Yale with a Gen­ month." tleman's 'C, and at that point ap­ "Pelletier waited until now to parently his family ran out of ask for three hundred.^ Surely he money and Frederick was forced must have known that Frederick to resort to his wits—such as they married a wealthy woman." are. But I didn't know about that Her face became grim. "He prob­ last part until he came to me three ably realized that I would have weeks ago with the request that his 'thrown Frederick out of the house allowance be increased." before paying a cent." Hermione cut through her steak. "But now.?" "I take care of all of Frederick's "But now I've spent three years bills and allow him three hundred grooming Frederick for our future dollars spending money a month. responsibilities. Three years of toil He is well-fed, clothed, and occa­ and construction. I would find.it sionally hquored. In private and at insufferable to toss all that out of home, of course. A man in politics, the window and have to begin all must always be suspected of sobri­ over again with someone else." ety even by drinking voters." "Surely you can afford to pay She sipped coffee. "I demanded Pelletier three hundred a month.?" to know why Frederick wanted his "Of course I can. But that isn't allowance increased and he fum­ the point. Besides the obvious possi­ bled about so with feeble excuses bility that Pelletier will become in­ that I knew there was more than creasingly greedy, I rnust also con­ met the ear. I immediately lowered sider the fact that I simply cannot the boom—so to speak—and after have Frederick vulnerable to any five minutes of questioning he kind of scandal. I cannot have his broke down and told me the whole past catch up with him just as he is sordid story of iiis stupidity."'Her about to step into higher things.

38 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED The evidence against Frederick faintest touches of gray at his tem­ must be destroyed and the black­ ples. mailer must also go because he "I finally had to go to Mrs. Ber- knows about Frederick's indiscre­ ling again," Frederick said, "She tions." had your current address." I tasted my dessert. "Very well,' "Dear Mrs. BerUng," I mur­ madam. I shall accept your commis­ mured. "I consider her my eastern sion. My usual fee is twenty thou­ representative." sand dollars." The waitress brought us drinks She regarded me with eyes that and departed. had seldom conceded right-of-way. "There are times when I believe "I do not haggle," I said ^stiffly. that murder doesn't pay," Fred­ Finally she nodded. "Twenty erick said gloomily. thousand it is." "You've got to look at the bright That being settled, I relaxed a bit. side of things. It keeps one mentally "Does your husband know that healthy." you plan to have Pelletier done "I thought that my troubles were away with.''" over when I had you get rid of Sen­ "Of course not. Frederick would ator Trotter." faint at the very thought of vio­ The Senator had been one of my lence." She became thoughtful more successful and prestigious as­ again. "I do like to mold putty, but signments. Not a suspicion that his now and then I do wish that Fred­ death had been anything but the erick would give me just a little bit result of a simple automobile acci­ of resistance.'.' dent. I left Hermione a Uttle after six At the time Frederick had not and took a taxi to the cocktail bar chosen to reveal his motive for the in the west sixties where I had an­ elimination of the senator and I al­ other appointment. ways respect my client's reticence Frederick Combs occupied one about such matters. Now, however, of the extreme rear booths. He fin­ all things were abundahtly clear. ished his drink and ordered for two He sipped his drink. "The whole when I sat down opposite him. thing seemed so simple. I would "I've had a great deal of trouble simply step' into the senator's shoes, finding you," he said. lose an election or two, and then "I'm sorry, but I travel a great Hermione would get discouraged deal and I do not find it advisable and allow me to enjoy the expen­ to advertise for business in the sive leisure I've been bred to. But newspapers." Hermione won't let me lose an Frederick Combs was approxi­ election." mately my age and had just the "It really shouldn't be so diflfi- POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER 39

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED cult. A careless public word here Frederick appeared genuinely and there and you can manage to. surprised. "Get rid of Edmund.? antagonize the entire electorate." Good heavens, no. It isn't worth He almost whitened. "You don't killing him yet. Wait until he asks I{now that woman. Entirely ruth­ for a thousand." less. It would be worth my life to do "Then why did you call me?" anything so obvious." Frederick quickly tossed off his ., He glowered at his glass. ''Do drink. "I want you to dispose of you know exactly' what she has in Hermione. Make it' look like an ac­ store for me.'' After I win this elec­ cident." tion I've got to try for the Senate. "I invariably do. When do you And eventually she wants me to want this to happen?" throw out the first baseball of the "The sooner the better. Why not season at Griffith Park." tonight? Around eight-thirty. I'll He tapped the table with a fore­ be on television and will have an finger to emphasize his points. "I impeccable alibi if I need one." unequivocally detest politics. I am That was a bit too soon, I thought. subjected to an endless parade of I had to get rid of Edmund Pelle- chicken and pea dinners; I am tier .first and collect the twenty forced to endufe television inquisi-- thousand from Hermione. "How tion by panels of revokingly bright about next Tuesday?" college children; I live in perpetual Frederick was disappointed. "Are fear of committing myself on any you sure you can't squeeze it in issue of importance. I've had to give somehow before that? It shouldn't up polo for golf. Hermione main­ require more than an hour or two." tains that voters simply will not "I'm sorry, but I'm swamped cotton to a polo player." with work and behind as it is. Next "But still," I said. "Hermione week is the best I can do." does have ten million dollars." He reconciled himself with an­ He laughed bitterly. "She limits other drink. me to an allowance of three hun­ "There is the question of pay­ dred a month. And Edmund got ment," I said. "I don't suppose you two hundred of that. Now he have inoney?" wants three hundred." "As soon as Hermiohe's estate is "Emund.?" I asked innocently. settled, I'll see that you get twenty "Who's he.?" thousand." . Frederick shrugged. "He's been "Are you reasonably certain' that' blackmailing nie for years." you're in her will?" "Ah," I said. "And you want to "Well, no," he admitted. "But as get rid of him.? That's why you her husband I occupy a favorable called me?" position."

40 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I dislike working on speculation, "No. We've never met." but I agreed to accommodate him. She smiled. "Then you are here I left him ordering another drink to murder him.?" and went on to the Parkinson Ho­ "My dear girl," I said stiffly. tel. I pressed the buzzer beside door "Whatever gave you such a fantastic number 239. idea?" The girl who answered had light "But I know all about you. Mrs. hair, violet eyes, and a welcoming Berling told me everything. Every­ smile. "Why, if it isn't Mr. Rodney thing. She's quite proud of you." Boland. I'd recognize you any­ "How much is everything?" I where." asked dubiously. Very few people know my name. "That your profession is murder Naturally I prefer it that way. "I'm and that you're very good at it." sorry, but you have the; advantage I sincerely felt like strangling of me." Mrs. Berling. "We've never met," she said. "My "But please come in," Madelaine name is Madelaine Wesley. But I've said again. "You do look as though seen your photograph." you could use a drink." "Impossible," I said firmly. "I "It would be most appropriate at never allow my pictiu-e to be taken. this time." Never." . The rooms were well-furnished "It was an enlarged candid cam­ and vases of flowers were placed era shot that Mrs. Berling had here and there. framed. The picture was taken She made a drink and brought it when you attended one of her gar­ to the chair I had taken. den parties. I really do believe that "Is this Edmund Pelletier's she has a crush on you." suite?" I asked. Confound that Mrs. Berling, I "You've come to the right place, thought. I would have to get that but I'm afraid that you're too late." photograph before she showed it to "Too late for what?" the entire city. "To murder Edmund," she said "And now that I see you person­ brightly. "The poor man passed ally," Madelaine said, "I can under­ away two weeks ago." stand why. You look as though I took a generous swallow of the you can barely tolerate people. drink. "And just who are you? Be­ Women just love that." sides being. Madelaine Wesley, I She stepped back. "Do come in." mean." I hesitated. "Perhaps I have the "I'm Edmund's widow, but I've wrong suite.? I came to see one -Ed­ reassumed my maiden name. I've mund Pelletier." inherited Edmund's business." "You don't know him.?" "Business?"

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER 41 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Yes. Blackmail. Edmund left a your client safely locked up and whole card index file, of names should I die, I have made arrange­ and all kinds of evidence in a safe­ ments that all should be revealed ty deposit box. Mostly films; Ed­ to the eager public." mund had a way of actually taking Frankly, I doubted if what she motion pictures of people when said was true. Blackmailers seldom they, were . . . doing things they actually make such arrangements. shouldn't be." She smiled again. They merely imply that they have "So I imagine that actually I'm the made them as an insurance to a one you really want to kill." longer, more lucrative life. It is con­ "Is that so.?" sidered bad form to be vindictive "Of course. Obviously one of from the grave. However, it is still Edmund's clients has decided that unwise to act on the assumption he will no longer tolerate being that what is proper is always ad­ blackmailed." She sighed. "I don't hered to. Here and there you will know why everybody seems to find a blackmailer vvith absolutely think it's quite all right to murder no sense of ethics. blackmailers. They're people just "So therefore," Madelaine con­ like anybody else and they perform tinued, "Your opening gambit will a useful function. Do you realize be an attempt to buy the evidence that if it weren't for blackmailers, a from me? Isn't that right.?" lot of people would wander blithe­ It was. ly through life unpunished} The She smiled. "However, even if blackmailer is the dispenser of jus­ you did succeed in purchasing the tice to those who would otherwise evidence, you would kill me any­ escape the consequences of_ their way. Isn't that right.? Otherwise acts. He is every bit just like a your client would have sent a law­ judge in court who collects fines yer. But he did send a murderer." and costs." The girl had a keen mind. There did seem to be an element "By the way," she said, "just who of reason in her contention. So is your client?" many of the more esoteric profes­ Since we were in the process of sions are sadly maligned. I, for in­ possible negotiation, there was no stance, have often felt that! have need for me to be coy. "Frederick made the world a much better Combs." place in which to live by judicious­ "Ah," she said reflectively, "he's ly decreasing the population. running for Congress, isn't he.?" "Now let me see," Madelaine "The fact has obviously come to said thoughtfully, "Of course you your attention, since you have cannot expea to kill me at this mo^ taken the opportunity of increasing ment. I have the evidence against your demand from two to three

42 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED hundred dollars at this particular ter of fact, I was just figuring time." . next month's payments when you Madelaihe shook her head. "But knocked. For September, Combs that isn't the reason at all. Edmund will be required to pay three hun­ always emphasized that a black­ dred dollars and seven cents." mailer who gets greedy kills the Everything seems to go up, I golden goose, besides also tempting thought sadly. "How many other his victim to violence. And so once people are you blackmailing.?" Edmund and his victim reached an "Fourteen. Edmund was a hard agreement, Edmund left the figure worker, at his craft." She glanced as it was, in perpetuity." at her watch. "I do believe that I "His perpetuity, evideiitly." read in the paper that Frederick "Well, yes," she admitted. "But I Combs will be on television to­ still intend basically following his night. Meet the Journalists. Would dictum. However, first there must you care to listen.?" be an initial adjustment. You see, I was comfortable in my chair, Edmund failed to allow for the my drink was mellow, and I did flexible dollar, and such an over­ have a curiosity to see how Fred­ sight can hurt as time passes. Ed­ erick, performed. "If you wish." mund's levy on Frederick Combs, We suffered through the last for instance, was based on the pur­ seven minutes of a western before chasing power of a dollar' eight Meet the Journalists appeared. years ago. But a dollar isn't worth The moderator made the intro­ what it used to be. The country is ductions and as the camera swung in the throes of a rising spiral of from face to face I thought I de­ inflation. So while I ask three hun­ tected some trepidation on the fea­ dred of Combs now, it is merely to tures of the four man panel. Combs, re-establish the true base on which on the other hand, looked remark­ both parties agreed and is actually ably happy. He had an amiable the equivalent of two hundred dol­ grin for everyone. lars eight years ago." - The first question was asked and The woman had a point there. it became clear why Frederick was Twenty thousand dollars today did so moronically blissful. Evidently seem to me to buy a bit less than-it he had lingered at the cocktail bar used to. I would have to begin ask­ until the last possible moment be­ ing twenty-five in the future^ fore leaving for the studio. "After this initial adjustment," His voice was slurred and he Madelaine said, "I'm basing any in­ took considerable time grasping creases—or decreases—on the na­ the questions, much less answering tional Cost of Living Index issued them. I^ noticed that the moderator monthly by Washington. As a mat- was perspiring.

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER 43 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Madelaine looked at me. "You "Well, anyway," she said sooth­ don't suppose Combs is . . . ?" ingly. "Have another drink." "To the gills." The next morning I was busy After five minutes, Frederick got planning the immediate demise of the hiccups. Hermione when there came an im­ "Oh, dear," Madelaine said. "I perious knock on my hotel room imagine that thousands of people door. are watching." Hermione's color was high and "Possibly millions." she stalked into the room, a furious And then Frederick Combs fell Valkyrie bursting with vengeance. off his chair. "I w^ant him shot!" In his defense, I must say that he I had no doubt whom she was did it with considerable aplomb. referring to. And apparently he found the floor Her eyes sparked with anger. comfortable, for he lay smiling "Three years of hard work and the beautifully and exhibited no dis­ fool's ruined it in ten minutes." cernible intention of rising. "Please sit down;" The moderator made frantic ges­ But she remained standing. "Fif­ tures toward the camera and in a ty thousand dollars for his hide moment the screen became blank. nailed to the door!" A travelog on the Swiss Alps folr I hoped she was speaking figura­ lowed almost immediately. tively, though from the nature of Madelaine switched ofl the set. her temper she left some doubt. "That ends that poUtical career." "You could divorce him?" I sug­ It also put an end to my hopes gested, but I offered that cheaper, for twenty thousand dollars from alternative only because I was cer­ Hermione. She would 'now cer­ tain her mood would not tolerate tainly throw Combs out of the it. house and whether he was black­ "No," she said firmly. "He might mailed or not no longer concerned sue me for support and he has a her. case. He's got to go." I sighed for the lost twenty thou­ It was hardly necessary to weigh sand and began thinking about the Hermione's offer against Freder­ still attainable twenty thousand ick's paltry inflation-ridden twenty Frederick had promised me for'dis- thousand dollars. "Very well, I'll posing of ,Hermione. I would have arrange some kind of an accident to act before there was a change in immediately." her will or a divorce. "I don't even want it. to loo\ "Has this ruined the purpose of like an accident," she stated em­ your visit?" Madelaine asked. phatically. "I want him shot." "I'm afraid so." Some of my clients do have their

44 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED whims and I try to adjust to them. even tried the knob. The place was Certainly for fifty-thousand. locked and apparently deserted. "It must be done tonight," Her- From the viewpoint of geograr mione said. "And I want the job phy the setting was ideal. The area done directly at the front gate of was innocent of passers-by and the my estate." lights of the main house were bare­ I grasped the symbolism of her ly visible behind the pampered demand immediately. She had been forest grounds. However I did not cruelly wronged and she wanted like a moon so full. Nor did I care , Frederick sacrificed on her door­ for the light which illuminated the step, so to speak. entrance. "There is a gatehouse there," I stepped into the bushes shad­ Hermione said. "But I have given owed by the gatehouse and waited the gatekeeper and his wife a vaca­ for Frederick to appear. tion. The area will be isolated. No traffic passed my stand until Frederick is seeing his campaign approximately five minutes to ten, managers tonight—to withdraw when light beams flickered around from the congressional race, of turns and a hyperthyroid sedan ap­ course—and he will return at ten. peared, slowing at the entrance. When he stops his car and gets out The vehicle stopped in front of the to open the gate, I want you to shoot lighted gate and Frederick, after a him." bit of difficulty, got out of the driv­ "You are certain he will be there er's seat and swayed forward. He at ten.?" began fumbling at the gates. The set of her jaw was firm. "He I made certain that Frederick still obeys orders from me. Drunk was alone, and then stepped out be­ or sober." hind him. I do not beheve that he I don't particularly enjoy rush even heard me. jobs, but I nodded. "You will pro­ His death vvas swift. One shot vide yourself with some kind of an in the back and Frederick was effi­ alibi?" ciently exempt from any further po­ "I'll be in the house with a friend litical activity. or two when we hear the shot." I returned to my car and- after a At nine that evening, following mile of driving I tossed the revolver Hermione's'directions, I drove the out of a window. That night, I slept winding river road until I found well, as I do after a successful the entrance to her place. I parked night's work, and my dreams were my car a hundred yards beyond pleasantly monetary. and returned to the gatehouse. The At one o'clock the next after­ windows were dark, but to satisfy noon, the knock I had been expect­ myself I knocked on the door and' ing came at my door.

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER 45 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED But Hermione Combs was not "I hope my services were satis­ alone. She was accompanied by factory.?" Madelaine Westley, and they were "Eminently. Madelaine and I both smiling. were in the gatehouse garret when Needless to say, I entertained a you murdered Frederick. We had premonition that something un­ two cameras running—just in case pleasant was certainly about to hap­ one strip of film didn't turn out too pen. well." "When I want medical services," I'm afraid that my mouth Hermione said, "I go to a doctor." dropped, though I do pride myself I failed to grasp the purpose of on self-possession. "You have films that statement. of me murdering Frederick.?" "When I want a murder, I go to a "Black and white," Madelaine murderer." said. "I don't know much, about Granted, I thought, but shall we color photography. And besides, I go on? don't think the gatehouse light was "And when I want to blackmail bright enough for them." somebody, I go to a blackmailer." "We're going to blackmail you," She smiled with incredible self- Hermione said happily. satisfaction. "So naturally I went My smile was agony. "My dear to see Edmund. But, of course, Ed­ Madam, you are insane." mund was dead. So I turned "to "Not for money, of course," Her­ Madelaine for help." mione said. "Edmund taught me all those I folded my arms. "Just what is it technical things," Madelaine said you want of me.?" proudly. "About cameras, lighting, She regarded me with frighten­ angles, and such." ing fondness. "I need a replace­ "I am definitely pleased to state ment for Frederick and I think that you are photogenic," Her­ you'll do perfectly. You will marry mione said. me and run for Congress." "I developed the films last night," I sat down. I remembered my Madelaine said. "And we ran them. philosophy professor who main­ Your left profile is your best." tained that we must accept the in­ "My dear ladies," I said patiently, evitable with dignity and calm. He "would you trouble" yourselves to broke his neck five years ago when make some sense.?" he calmly jumped, out of a hotel "When Frederick ruined every­ window during a minor fire. Every­ thing," Hermione said, "I immedi­ one else took the elevator down ately determined that he was. dead- and survived. wood and must be done away "Just who has these films.?" .1 with." asked.

46 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "I have," Hermione said. "In-'a "A thousand," I said firmly. "I am safe deposit box that will be opened not putty." by my lawyer if I should meet an And by being firm that became untimely end." our agreement. That eliminated my only avenue Hermione tells me that our fu­ of escape. ture prospects , are excellent. First "I will see that you get the fifty the House of Representatives and thousand dollars for disposing of then on to the Senate. Frederick." And in the July convendon of A feeble consolation, under the 1972, if there is a dead-lock—say on circumstances. the third ballot . , . ? "And after we're married, you Well, who knows. will receive three hundred .dollars a I now play golf. Not well, but month as an allowance." often.

You Are Invited f@ Enter

SEE PAGES 76 & 77

POLITICS IS SIMPLY MURDER 47

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED THIRTY million television viewers saw the reenactment of my crime Sunday evening. I'm sure they were entertained. Its high standards have made Tales Of Suspense the most respected weekly thirty minutes in television. Last Sunday's production was su­ perb, as usual. The murder was neatly executed. The ending had a twist. No one suspected the murderer, but then in the final seconds there was a hint that his future held a terrible doom for him. This hovering calamity was also beautifully ironic because the villain had no inkling of what was in store for him. Along with 29,999,999 other peo­ ple I tuned I this show in and settled I was afraid for the show to con­ in a comfortable chair to enjoy my­ tinue and reveal everything else self. The opening scene, at a ram­ about the murder I'd committed. bling resort hotel beside a lake, an­ And I was more afraid of switch­ noyed me. The annoyance became ing the television set off. I told my­ irritation, and as details of setting self that the latter part of the show and. incident piled up, the irritation would surely be different, depart­ turned to apprehension. ing from the memory that, until By the middle commercial break, this moment, I'd been sure I shared

Detectives watch mystery shows on TV. The following triorntng their behaviour, as a consequence, is more dramatic and interest­ ing—though it is not broken into by commercials. Murderers also swell the murder-mystery viewing rant{s, for they are al­ ways but to learn whatever they can.

48 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED None of the names meant any­ thing to me, until a single name stood on the screen for an instant, bold and alone: Written by Leslie Parker The name LesUe Parker had a familiar ring, as if I'd heard it before. Still, I was unable to~" place the name! And I was so upset, that it was almost too much for me to BTxAiiyrA&E make it out to the kitchen, of the :POWEIL apartment that I no longer shared with Maria—or with anyone. I poured a stiff slug of Scotch, with no other Uving human being. steadied my hand enough to toss it But the memory returned, to the off, and followed that one with an­ picture tubes in thirty million other. Gripping the edge of the homes, and in a dry-mouthed state sink, I waited for the liquor to dis­ I watched it to its end. solve some of the icy stuff in my How had they known? veins. In the hving room, L could With a bad case of the shakes, I hear the television set yammering heard the closing music swell to the first commercial on 'the next full volume. The credit lines began program. TV suddenly disgusted to roll across the screen, the names me. I never wanted to see another of unseen people whose brains and TV show as long as I lived. energies had conceived the story Leslie Parker . . . LesUe Parker and made its production possible. I don't believe in mind-reading, I couldn't quite remember where people with supernatural gifts, or we'd met—or be sure that we had. other such hogwash. But it came to And the name went on being tan- me that among those names was talizingly famihar, continued to re­ someone who shared my secret— main just beyond recognition's and my future. reach. 30,000,000 WITNESSES 49

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Then as the Scotch began to re­ ty coroner had ruled accidental lax me, I went at the job in a drowning during a moonlight business-hke fashion of pinning swim. that name down. I tried associa­ Two weeks later—plenty of time tion. Leshe Parker . . . the TV for Parker to have gotten to know show . . . murder . . . Maria's her. He might very well have death in the lake ... lake , . . planned to meet her for drinks, on hotcL. . . hotel ... the night she was killed. He might I had it. have come down to the lakeshore. I'd gone to Crayton Lake openly to see if she were still swimming, only one time—controlling my I shuddered, and had another rage, to do it—to ask Maria to -jolt of Scotch. come back. Waiting in a secluded Yet in these intervening weeks corner of the hotel's terrace, I'd he hadn't come forward. heard a bellhop paging Leslie Why? Parker. Because the sense of the drama- Before the bellhop appeared, I'd . tic in him kept him from the direct noticed and been curious about a action of going to the police.'' couple at a nearby table. The girl I doubted it.. Such a supposition was beautiful and blonde and was nonsense. , young enough to be the daughter Because he'd fallen so deeply in of the man she was with. He was love with Maria he planned a spe­ . robust, ruddy-faced, with close- cial doom for her murderer.? cropped, prematurely gray hair. I doubted that also. There was They'd been having tall, cool the blonde, he had to remember drinks, laughing together. Feeling that. as I did, their laughter and ob­ The blonde. If Parker were vious happiness irritated me. married, to someone besides the The bellhop > had come onto the blonde, he'd have a very practical terrace with its potted palms and reason for covering the details of sweeping lake view, paging Leslie his stay at Crayton Lake—or for Parker. The man with the blonde even letting it be known that he had called, "Over here, boy", and had been there, for that matter, the bellhop had delivered a mes­ - I'd identified the sharer of my sage, his smiling, obsequious reac­ secret, but I could do nothing more tion indicating the generosity of at the "moment. With a sudden, Parker's tip. strange fear of the darkness and In spite of all my arguments, silence of the bedroom, I carried Maria hadn't returned home with the Scotch into the living room me that day. "Two weeks later she with me. was dead. I'd killed her. The coun­ I sat down and began belting the

50 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Scotch. The TV set was still on room. He turned to me with a the next morning. I groaned awake smile, saying, "You may go right with a vague memory of having up. Room 404." talked back to the set, of cursing it, Without another glance at me, sometime during the very late the desk man returned to his chore hours of night. of sorting and boxing the mail de­ I gagged down more Scotch, had livery. I walked down the wide dry toast and coffee, black, for corridor that led off the lobby to breakfast, and drove down the val­ the self-service elevator. I punched ley to Hollywood. the "4" button and while the eleva­ From a drugstore phone booth tor crawled upward, I slid the coil on Las Palmas I got in touch-with of thin wire from my side coat the Tales of Suspense production pocket and checked it to make sure office. it was free of kinks. I tucked the I told the secretary, "This is coat pocket flap inside the pocket Zenith Writer's Service. We have so it would not impede the wire, the typing ready for Mr. Leslie and slipped the wife just out of Parker. He asked us to call as soon sight below the lip of the pocket. as. possible." The elevator stopped at the "He isn't here. Please try his fourth floor and I stepped into the hotel." She added the name of the corridor. A man passed, saw little hotel, and I hung up. of my face, for I bent my head to I came out of the booth feeling light a cigarette. better. The ruse had saved me the When the elevator door slid delay and trouble of watching the closed behind this man, I moved TV studio and shadowing Parker quickly to 404'. when he eventually went in and Expecting a caller, Parker an­ came out. Any delay increased my swered my knock at once. His risk, and I decided to move fast brows raised. Coolly, he said, while things were breaking my "Yes.?" way. "You were expecting Green­ Parker's hotel was a comfortable, wood," I said. unpretentious building in North He frowned, looking at me close­ • Hollywood. As I drove to it, I was ly as if trying to place me. thankful I'd been watching those "He's still downstairs," I said. "A screen credits as closely as I had. call from the studio caught him. To the desk man at the hotel, I He'll be right up. I'm new on the gave the name of someone who production team and some quick worked on the Tales Of Suspense changes are being made. Green­ show. It took only a moment for wood brought me over to intro­ the desk man to ring Parker's duce me." 30,000,000 WITNESSES 51

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Uncertainly, Parker let me enter nials won't help you. You were as I talked. I closed the door there. You know she wasn't alone with an easy, natural motion. in the lake that .night." "Please sit down," I said. "Green­ "Maria Conway . . ." wood may be a few minutes and "Her maiden name," I said. we might as well get acquainted. "Maria Conway Gaither." We've got a lot to discuss." He. fell into the chair. Staring at The Uving room was large, air me, he said, "It isn't possible . . ." conditioned, comfortable. There "That I wouldn't find you.? It ' was a long- couch, several massive was easy." club chairs, a desk, a TV set, a "That isn't what I meant at all." cocktail table, a small, portable bar A crazy sound, part laugh, came against the wall. The place, I from him suddenly. "We writers noted, appeared to be soundproof. . . . the necessity of our job drives As Parker walked to one of the us to get inside people ... to see club chairs, he moved with diffi­ as they see . . . feel as they feel culty. Robust as he was, he needed . . . think as they think . . . What a cane. have I done.'' What on earth have I Parker reached the chair. He did-. possibly done.? You—killed her." n't sit down, but turned and re­ -That sound came from him again. mained standing in front of the "Just like in the story I made up." chair. "The story that thirty million "If you don't mind," he said, "I'll people saw," I said. "What did you check the desk and see how long think you were pulling?" Greenwood is going, to be." "PuUing.? I was writing a story "That won't be necessary. I'm ... Using the accidental death of Robert Gaither. You've finally rec­ a woman I'd come to know, as the, ognized me," springboard for a script. The de­ He looked me up and down, his tails of setting and character were expression puzzled. changed enough, I was sure. I'm "Believe me," he said, "I've never still sure they were—if she had seen you before." died accidentally, as they said. But "And you haven't seen my wife I see that that TV show would either," I said. have meant. a great deal if she "No ..." had been murdered—to the man "And I suppose you've never who murdered her." been to Crayton Lake." "It was murder in the story," I He paled. His hand groped be­ said. hind him for the arm of the chair, "Of course. To use my real-life for support. germ of an idea for a story, I had "You can see," I said, "that de­ to change it, for-the sake of drama.

52 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED from accident to murder. But who "Blonde.? Oh-I see. Yes." would murder Maria? She was a "She wasn't your wife, was she?" fine person. She hadn't an enemy "No," he said. "She was my in the world. She was not rich. daughter. Fresh from' school and There was no motive in the world taking a short vacation with her for her.murder except in the heart father." of the cruel person from whom she I felt as if the veins were burst­ was running." ing in my temples. To have let "She told you all about me, I fear cloud my judgment," to have suppose," I said. let it bring me here ... Parker shook his head. "She dis­ "I swear I didn't know, Gaith-, cussed her personal affairs very lit­ er," he said. "You were safe. I tle with me. We became little more wasn't dangerous to you." than casual friends, that's all. I "But you are now," I said. knew that she'd experienced a 're­ He struggled to his feet, faced cent unpleasantness, but I knew me squarely. nothing more." I pulled the wire from my coat "In, the story you gave all the—" pocket. ' "In the story, Gaither, the acci­ I looked at the thick neck grow­ dent had to be murder. For mur­ ing from those enormously power­ der there had to be a murderer. In ful shoulders. Quickly, I moved in Maria's case there was only one to kill. The cripple could not flee. possible murderer—a husband His cries would go unheard. who'd kill before he'd give her Unfortunately, under the pres­ freedom. It was all quite logical to sure of my intention, I forgot the mind of a working writer who about the cane in his hand. needed ^a story." When I regained consciousness, "You're lying!" I shouted at him. the District Attorney's downtown "You knew the facts all the time!" office was crowded with police­ "No," he said, "not until you men. Later, the courttoom was came here." jammed, with spectators and re­ "You knew—You didn't spill it porters. But this cell on death row to the police because you were at —it vibrates with an emptiness all the lake with a blonde." its own.

30,000,000 WITNESSES 53

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED ME HAD taken the train out of He had not taken notice of the New York to Pittsburgh. There he old couple until he had changed had gotten off and switched to an­ at Pittsburgh. Being acutely sensi­ other train going to Cleveland. tive to faces at the moment, he was From there he had changed again aware that they had followed him and gone to Chicago. Now he was in each of his changes and were sitting in a train that was speed­ now on the same train, sitting sev­ ing still farther west, watching the eral seats behind. They appeared small towns appear in fleeting stage innocuous enough. The man was sets of houses and stores, flying in his mid-sixties probably, short through a world of flashing tele­ and well-groomed, with a small phone poles and glancing trees.

•BY DONALD MARTIN J, A^t

54 • ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED When running from the police, I suggest you-travel as lightly as possible. A valise of stolen money may very lil^ely prove somewhat disconcerting. On the other hand, I do recommend your investing in a good pair of tracks shoes and in considerable stamina. mustache that lent a certain dig­ guard who had drawn on two lev­ nity to his pleasant face. The wom­ eled revolvers. The loss of his part­ an—Frank assumed she was the ner had thrown Frank into a wife, they had a well-worn com- frenzy until he realized—after his patabihty about them—seemed of desperate getaway—that now the the same age, was short and gray, contents of the valise belonged to her face serene and motherly, with - him alone. a soft reticent smile. Observing He had left the city that night' them in the dining car earlier, before a positive identification had Frank decided they were tourists been established. In Pittsburgh he by the way they looked out of the had picked up a New; York paper window and made quiet but ani­ and stared into his own face—his mated remarks, pointing at - the picture leering up at him as at rushing landscape with childUke some sardonic joke. The sight of interest. it put wheels under him, sending But today, he decided, he could him off on a journey without des­ not trust even his mother, should tination. that sad, long-suffering old woman He had disguised himself as appear before him. The uniformed best he could, dyeing his naturally conductors gave him a chill. Ac­ reddish hair black and obtaining cusation and suspicion seemed to a pair of glasses with plain glass darken every face. He could not lenses. This could alter his appear­ put his trust in anyone. Not with ance slightly—^but it could not af­ th? events back in New York still fect the constant self-harassment smoldering, not with a bank guard which the hunted man inflicts up­ lying critically wounded in the hos­ on himself. pital, not with his—Frank's—pic­ As far as he knew the police ture staring moodily, off every were still searching for him in front page; and, this most of all, New York. Passing through the not with the valise containing the ticket gates at the Cleveland and twenty thousand dollars sitting on then the Chicago stations, he had the seat next to him. not been aware of any scrutinizing West, his partner, was dead, shot faces. by the intrepid but foolhardy Perhaps he would go to Vegas

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME 55

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED or L. A., or perhaps even slip into had entered his soul during his Mexico and sit there with his valise sleep. Here he could lose them until he became less prominent once and for all. He jumped up and the climate he had created and picked up ,the valise and cooled off. pulled his other piece of luggage But the old couple were sticking down from the rack and hurried in his mind. He had to laugh, hu- to the end of the car. morlessly, when he thought of A cool night breeze swirled out them trying to get that money of the strange dark, the strange away from him; if that was their town. The conductor, standing on game. If they had recognized him the platform, raised an odd look, and not informed the authorities, to him as Frank came down the then it certainly was their game. iron steps. But he knew, too, that an exces­ "Getting off here, sir?" the con­ sively active distrust of all people ductor asked. and all things was not good either. "Yes," Frank said. "This is my Perhaps they were complete inno­ home town. Fve decided to pay cents. Perhaps it was their gentle, a brief, surprise visit." twilit serenity that was annoying The conductor's big ruddy face him. The constant nearness of se­ cracked with a large smile, filling renity always has a pernicious-ef­ it with small-wrinkles and an ap-- fect on tension. Privately, uncon­ preciative sentim[entality. sciously, he begrudged them their "That's very nice I think," he peace of mind. He certainly had said. - -. never known tranquility, not as a "It isn't often that I get the- youth and he'd never know it now, chance to pass through," Frank because that guard was going to said. die. "There's nothing like coming At midnight the train stopped at back to the old town," the conduc-, a small town. After its headlong, tor said. "Well," he said, flipping rush through the dark it seemed one finger to the peak of his little to be pausing for a breather. Frank cap, "have a nice stay." had dozed off, the valise on the "Thank you," Frank said. floor between his legs. The train's He hunched his shoulders and jolting halt woke him. 'He looked lighted a cigarette. The conductor around at the bleak httle station, picked up the portable step, waved the small dark platform, the alien down the train and then climbed lights in the little ticket office. Sud­ up into it. A metal door banged. denly he became afraid of the old Frarik stood there on the platform couple, the' uncanny fear flooded as the train began to pull out. He him aU at once; it was as if they watched the thick massive cars roll

56 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED past him one by one with increas­ Then he decided.it was probably ing speed, each dark window, all a great coincidence. He had framing a sleeping or disinterested best treat it as Hghtly as possible. face, the iron wheels grinding and To show irritation or suspicios clattering. Then the train was gone would perhaps be to cast an un­ and he was watching it tail off in­ necessary seed. So he walked to­ to the dark, as if into a mysterious ward them, casually, forcing a oblivion, standing alone on the smile'that felt terribly stiff. platform between his luggage. "Hello there," he said, feeling He looked around. Across the self-conscious, discovered, his dis­ tracks lay a small town in its re­ guise jiotwithstanding. pose, small clapboard buildings The two old people smiled lining a down-sloping main street. warmly, as if they genuinely appre­ It was dark. The stars bristled ciated this gesture of friendship. high overhead, circhng over the "Good evening," the, old man town as though over a blessed said. place. "Listen," Frank said, maintain­ It seemed a simple enough place, ing his smile, "are you following a place where people went to bed -me or am I following you.?" The at nine o'clock and didn't get look of concern that entered the around to- asking questions. Per­ old man's face made Frank regret haps it would be an ideal place. that he had said it. He bent and picked up his lug­ "We're merely traveling," the old gage and walked into the ticket of­ man said, in his voice a note of fice. As the rickety wooden door apologetic explanation. closed behind him he almost "It seems we're all traveling to­ dropped the luggage. It took a gether," Frank said amiably. terrific effort of self-control not to He sat down on the bench. The betray himself. The old couple old couple turned their heads and were sitting on the bench there stared at him. He waited for some with their luggage. The old wom­ indication of recognition, but none an smiled at him. The man nod­ was forthcoming. ded. Frank stared at them. If they "Do you live here.?" the man were indeed following him, as it asked. seemed, then they would have had "No," Frank said. "Do you.?" to get off that train in a hurry, as "Oh no. We're on our vacation. he had. But they were^ sitting so The first real vacation we've had placidly, bags packed and clus­ in years. We decided we wanted tered around them, that it ap­ to see, the country. You see noth­ peared hurry was the last thing on ing from an airplane. So we're tak­ their minds. ing the train, from'here to there,

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME 57 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED trying to see as much as we can." "On .Main Street," the youth Frank nodded. It sounded rea­ said with irascible logic. sonable. Perhaps. But now it was "is it very far?" his turn. He was going to have "Main Street's only four blocks," to concoct something, and fast. the young man said,, seriously, "I feel the same way about trav­ clearly not intending this to be taken eling," he said. "In fact I'm a writ­ as a joke. , er, doing a series of articles for a '" 'Thank, you." Frank turned travel magazine." It sounded very back to the old couple. Seeing feeble. But these were gullible old them sitting there, it suddenly people. They would believe it. In struck him that they might actu­ fact they even were impressed, he ally become useful to him. Who could tell. It seemed incredible would have more respectability now that fear of them had caused and be less apt to arouse suspicion him to leave the train in the way than a man traveling with two that he had. such mild-looking old people? He "You're a writer.?" the old wom­ went back to them. an asked, her voice emerging for "Seems there's a hotel a few the first time. blocks down," he said, "I guess we "Yes," Frank said, easing into ought to try it. Are you planning the role, feeling his jacket turn to to stay long in this place?" tweed. "I grind out articles for a "A few days," the old man said. living." "They say it is very scenic here. We "Interesting work," the old man- were planning to go all the way to said. California, but we had our plans "Well, do you think they have a changed for us." hotel in this town.?" Frank asked. "How was that?" Frank asked. He got up—carrying the valise "Someone broke into our com­ with him, a pure reflex action— partment sometime during the and went to the ticket window. A train ride from New York and bored young man was sitting stole part of oiir luggage and some there with crossed arms. He glared of our money. So our trip will have up at Frank from under the green to be shorter." eyeshade strapped around his head. "That's a rough break," Frank "Pardon me," Frank said. "Is said. there a hotel in this town ?" The old man shrugged philo­ "There is," the young man said. sophically. "Can you tell us where it is.?" Then Frank forced a laugh. "I can." "You know," he said, "I don't even After an awkward pause, Frank know the name of the town." asked, "Well, where?" "Jennerville," the old man said.

58 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "We might not have stopped here, "There is more awareness in a if it weren't for our change in small town than in the heart of a plans. But they have an old Indian big city," the clerk said. "Jenner- museum here that my wife is par­ ville is no exception." ticularly interested in seeing." "I would hate to think it was," The old woman nodded shyly Frank said. "Now, I would hke a and smiled. room for myself and one for my Thfey left the station, crossed the friends here." tracks and began walking down The clerk turned around the Main Street's slope. register and watched them sign in, "This is certainly different from Frank used the name Jack Stein. some of those big cities," Frank The old man signed Mr. and Mrs. said. Sidney Michael of Jamaica, New "My wife and I much prefer a York. Then the clerk "gave them small town to the city," the old their keys and they went upstairs. man said. Their rooms were adjoining and "Then why don't you move to they paused out in the hall. one.?" "I'll see you in the morning," "We have our business and all Frank said. our children in New York," the "Yes, Mr. Stein," the old man old man said. said. "Good night." "What sort-of business?" Inside his room, Frank removed "Dry goods." his phony eyeglasses and put his The epitome of respectability, car to the wall. He could hear Mr. Frank thought. and Mrs. Michael talking. Not all All the stores were closed. Main of their conversation was audible, Street offered them an utterly dark but he was able to distinguish the facade except for a lone light that words, "Nice young man." "Very burned on the porch of a two-story friendly." It satisfied him. He building. They could see the Ho­ smoked a cigarette and then took tel sign on the porch roof. Enter­ ,off his clothes and got into bed. ing, they found a small lobby re­ He tucked the valise under the plete with weary furniture and covers with him and switched off _potted palms. A clerk in a red vest the table lamp. Everything seemed was standing up waiting for them. to be going well. He would trade "Pete called and said you'd be on the old couple's respectability down," the clerk said. for awhile. See the sights with- "Pete.?" Frank said. them. Visit the old Indian museum. "The ticket man." Play the affable friend. Untilhe "Oh, the ticket man. This is cer­ decided to move on. - tainly an alert town," Frank said. One thing did disturb him, how-

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME 59

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED ever. It was what the clerk had Admission was twenty-five said, about small town people hav­ cents; they paid it to a dusty-look­ ing greater awareness than others. ing attendant who was sitting on ' It was probably merely an expres­ a bench outside and who looked sion of civic pride, but it was as though he might himself have enough to put him on his guard. become one of the exhibits. Frank He wondered i£ his New York thought the man gave him a rather notoriety was sufficient to have close and unflattering appraisal reached the Midwest papers. But and it made him nervous. that was a chance he was going to Inside there was a single large have to take no matter where he room, filled with various grim and went. gloomy relics of another age. The following morning he Spears and tomahawks hung from breakfasted with the old couple in the walls. In one corner was a the hotel's dining room before ac­ large stone with primitive pictures companying them to the Indian chiseled into it. In glass cases were museum. Later, while strolling the sundry pieces of pottery and cook­ streets with the old couple, he ing irnplements and feathers and found out. something about small war bonnets and scalplocks. towns: they were the worst possi­ Frank moved around with pro­ ble places for a man on the dodge found disinterest, while the old to choose as a sanctuary. A stran­ couple stared and gaped at every­ ger in town was a novelty, a sub­ thing, murmuring to each other in ject for seldom^-used curiosity, and those soft undertones people al­ all the locals paid them special at­ ways use when in a museum. tention. Frank felt as if every eye. They remained about a half hour were fixed upon his face, scrutiniz­ and then left. ing him, wondering about him. "Very interesting, didn't you The Indian museum was just think.?" the old woman asked him, outside of town, a short walk. It making one of her rare utterances. was housed in an old stone build­ "Fascinating," Frank said • ab­ ing vvhich stood off by itself stractedly, thinking of a cool show­ among some cottonwoods. er and then a relaxing smoke on "Will you come in and look his bed. around, Mr. Stein.?" the. old man After walking back to town, asked. they had a cup of coffee and then "Sure," Jack said, not relishing returned to the hotel. They went the idea of going into the place. upstairs and parted before their "Why not.? I might be able to pick adjoining doors in the hall. Frank up some interesting background went into his-room, glad to be re­ material." lieved of the old couple's boring

60 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED company. He went to the closet tlness, he stepped out into it and and took out the precious vaUse went back down the stairs. Cross­ and laid it on the bed and opened ing the lobby, straining to appear it, partially from nervousness, par­ as poised aS possible, he heard him­ tially from a selfish desire to see self hailed by the clerk. the money again. It was there as "Going somewhere, Mr. Stein.?" before, neatly packed and undis­ the clerk asked, rising, looking at turbed. the valise. He was about to go to the show­ "No," Frank said. "I'll be back er when, in passing the window, shordy. Are you afraid I'm jump­ he glanced out and saw the mu­ ing the ship.?" seum's crusty old caretaker across "No," the clerk said thoughtful­ the street talking to a -policeman. ly. "I happen to know you have They both looked up at the hotel some more luggage upstairs." (Frank fell away from the win­ Frank laughed. "You're a care­ dow as they did) and then they ful man," he said. "Your employer walked on down the street. Lean­ ought to be proud of you." ing out the window and looking Then Frank continued on out after them, Frank saw them turn going down the porch steps. He the corner and go down the street watched Main Street's desultory where he had noted the town's po­ activity. Nothing seemed out of lice station was situated. the way—yet'." But he felt it would A hot fear and excitement sud­ be only a matter of time before denly flooded his brain. He glared trouble started. at the valise full of money resting He . remembered now having on the bed and began pacing the seen a freight track just outside of room, his thoughts churning des- town during their walk from the ,perately. Suppose that, hick had station to the hotel. He estimated recognized him.? Suppose they that it was not more than a mile were now going for help.? Frank or two away. It had been a long felt a terrific anger mounting in­ time since he had ridden a freight, side him, and panic. What could and he would probably be the first he possibly do.? There was no way person ever to jump a freight with out of here. He had no car. The twenty thousand dollars in his next train was not scheduled until hand." But . . . late that evening. 'i So he struck out in the direction But he was not going to be of the freight track, heading for caught cold in his room. He took the only out-transportation in Jen-- th6 valise and went to the door nerville. He hiked along the road, and opened it slightly and peered the valise hitting against his leg. down the hall. Satisfied by its emp- He didn't know where the freight

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME 61

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED he'd catch might go, but he didn't of the iron ladder on the nearest care. He looked back. The road boxcar. His other hand was occu­ was empty. Now he cut across a pied with the valise and it-was im­ field. After going a short distance, possible for him to get it up to the he came upon the tracks. They ladder. He ran along with the curved out and around the town, train, desperately trying to keep making a great loop. As he hur­ up with it, one hand gripping the ried along, he cursed his own face, ladder, the valise swinging out be­ that its likeness had been sent hind his running figure. around the country, put before the He would have let go then—it eyes of millions of people. It was seemed impossible^ to go on—but, known even in such a place as looking down he was horrified to Jennerville. He was certainly go­ see they were crossing a trestle over ing to have to think of some better a pouring river. The waters rushed way of disguising himself. and churned below. His fingers on He sat down amid some rocks the ladder suddenly froze, sudden­ and waited for a train. Time ly they were clutching life itself. dragged. He smoked cigarette aft­ The train's increasing speed was er cigarette until he crushed his pulling his legs out from under empty pack and threw it away. him. He couldn't let go, and he The wind seemed to be blowing couldn't hang on with the one shadows through the tall grass hand without being dragged to when at last he began to hear the death. His head jerked around freight. He jumped up and stared and his eyes glared as he realized down the tracks. It was coming that his other hand—acting almost slowly around the bend, from the independently of the rest of him— direction of the town. He had evi­ had released the valise and that it dently taken the long way around was plummeting toward the re­ to it, but that was all right too. The morseless waters. He never saw it train was picking up speed and strike. With his now disencum­ Frank began to run toward it, lest bered hand, he twisted himself it have mounted too "great an around and grabbed' onto the lad­ amount of speed for him to be der and was able to lift his legs up. able to board it. He ran through Hand over hand he climbed up the high grass below the embank­ and reached the roof of the car and ment and then, as the engine came collapsed there, panting. As the roaring overhead, he scrambled up. train cleared the,'trestle he looked the embankment and began run­ back at the foamy white water that ning alongside of the immense rat­ had swallowed his money. He tling cars. He reached out his free watched it until it had become a hand and grabbed hold of a rung distant gray ribbon in the distance.

62 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Hours earlier, at about the time It was either them or the fellow Frank had sat down to wait for they was with." the freight, the old couple stood in "Oh dear," the old woman said. the police station. The man from "I don't want to get poor Mr. Stein. the museum was there, and several in any trouble. Yes, it was I. I policemen, one. a sergeant. couldn't help it. I'm very sorry. I "Are you certain?" the sergeant just couldn't _help it." And she asked the dusty caretaker. opened her bag and took out a The man nodded his head vig­ small piece of clay pottery that she orously. "I'm one hundred per cent had stolen from the museum. certain," he said, staring fiercely at "Oh, mother,"- the old man said the old couple. "They was the only sadly, shaking his head, "you ones in today. Just by luck I hap­ promised you wouldn't do that pened to notice it, after they'd gone. anymore if we went on this trip."

Dear Friends, \

The continued response to our fan club for Mr. Alfred Hitchcock has been tremendously gratifying to all of us. .

Here is some more information about the club. Membership dues are fifty cents, to cover costs and mailing. For this you will receive an 8x10 autographed photo of Mr. Hitchcock, his biogrophy, and a bulletin of current news which will be issued four times a year. Natu­ rally, we would like you to tell as many friends and neighbors of yours about ''Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine" as possible, since this is strictly • club for loyal readers. If you want to join, write to me. And if you are interested in organizing a district club, please advise me of your intentions and also, if you've hod any previous experience with clubs. I do so hope to hear from you soon.

Pat Hitchcock. P.O. Box 434 Tarzana, California

WHEN YOU COMMIT A CRIME 63

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED f-'ELESTiNE CARTER sat at the cscri- toire, her quill pen poised over the WANTED: paper. Now and then, as she sought to compose, the tip of the feather went to her old, wrinkled, dry lips, and her teeth—^still her own—^gnawed upon it. "Shall we word it the same as last time, Victoria.'"' she asked finally,. Victoria Carter, Celestine's younger sister by half a dozen years, stood by, her brows knit under her stylish gray . coiffeur. She was vigorous and spare and straight in maroon silk that was just a trifle gayer than her sister's black. "We may as well," Victoria an­ swered. "I think oiir wording is discreet and not too misleading. What was it we said the last time.? Ah yes, I think I remember. 'Gen­ tleman. In middle sixties and in good health. Must be refined, cul­ tured, dignified, personable. Reply by letter, enclosing picture.' Then a box number, of course. I think that was what we said last time, and it worked out very well." "Oh yes," Celestine agreed, "it worked out excellently." "Then write it down, dear. 'Gentleman . . .' Gh no, wait a moment. Better make it, 'Single gentleman . . .*"

/Justin Gravelle perused the want ad section more out of habit than with real hope. He had few mar-

64 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED One may board at,a rooming house, but it is not lively that one will be bored in the process. This is simply because the inhabi­ tants of such an establishnient are all determined to get their fill of hot biscuits before they're cool or gone.

ketable skills, and his age did not Couldn't he recite entire Shakes­ favor him. But he was near the pearean scenes? Couldn't he claim end of his resources, his last two some renowned past acquaint­ suits were threadbare and his meals ances.? And couldn't he, for that for some time now had been matter, imagine a few others.? skimpy and unappetizing. "Personable." He strutted back • when he first read the adver­ and forth before the mirror, giving tisement which began, "Single gen- to view first one profile, then the tkman," he could scarcely believe other, emphasizing his erect car­ his eyes or his imminent good for­ riage," his aquiline nose, his lux­ tune. It was almost as if a fairy uriant crop of silvery hair. Then godmother and Santa Claus had he smiled, displaying teeth not conspired to a solution of Justin badly stained, since long ago econ­ Gravelle's insoluble problem. omy had dictated only a sparse He rose and strode to the dingy, use of tobacco. If "personable" clouded mirror that hung over the meant "handsome," Justin Gravelle scarred and decrepit dresser. In the decided, he was rather eminently dim light—but perhaps flattering qualified. for its very dimness—he scanned "Free board and room." He was his reflection with relative objectiv­ aware, as he rolled the tasty words ity- about in his mouth, of a grum­ "Dignified, personable," it had bling, semi-emptiness 'in his ab­ said. Justin Gravelle drew himself dominal region. Spurred by it, he up to his full height of six feet, sat down instantly and penned an thrust out his still manly chest, eloquent reply. "Dear Box 747 assumed the pose that^had been so effective in the twenties when he had played fathers and fathers-in- law to some famous Juliets and Victoria and Celestine Carter Desdemonas. The picture he saw were obviously more than pleased in the mirror pleased him. He was by the aspect of their visitor. Justin more than dignified. He was real. Gravelle perceived this pleasure in "Refined, cultured," it had said. the ladies, and it sparked a re­ He smiled almost with disdain. sponse in his own breast. He had

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM 65

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED always been one who rather en­ But this is not what is sometimes joyed matinee audiences, and the referred to as a boarding house. feminine contingent, bless their That would imply, you see, that hearts, had always liked him. This our guests are victims of genteel fresh display of. admiration gave poverty. Which is not true. Our him a feeling of aliveness that he five ladies are all widows, and al­ had not experienced in many a though they might not have the long year, and he basked and means for extravagant luxury, they scintillated in the warmth of it. can afford our pleasant surround­ The house—if one were to judge ings here. We can boast of deli­ by this drawing room—was more cious food, clean, spacious rooms, than adequate, at least' to Justin's and fine companionship. Our somewhat old-fashioned taste. It guests are not transients. Our new­ was cool rather than stuffy, shady est arrival has been with us for six rather than dim. The furniture years. They are all very satisfied was-comfortable, and though a bit with our homey atmosphere. We worn, was immaculately kept. call this, incidentally, The Carter Justin, after years of grubby, House.'" dirty rooms with only infrequent Justin had followed all this with maid service, could appreciate that. 'rapt attention. But it had only But eventually his curiosity whetted, not satisfied, his curios­ brought him round to the point. ity. "If this is an all-female estab­ He seemed so to have entranced lishment," he said, "how do I fit his two hostesses that they had ap­ inf parently forgotten to mention it. Victoria smiled, a knowing, al-. "The ad mentioned 'small serv­ most mischievous smile. "It is pre­ ices,'" he began. "Might I inquire cisely because The Carter House what those services are?" is an all-female establishment," she Both sisters hesitated. But then answered, "that .you do fit iii." Celestine, the elder—he had Justin Gravelle, despite his long shrewdly caught and retained the service in that riiost wicked of in­ narnes—fetched a deep sigh which stitutions, the theatre, was never­ audibly strained her corseting, and theless an innocent. "I beg your launched into a frank reply. pardon," he said. "Mr. Grayelle, this house is a "Don't you see.?" Victoria per­ business establishment. We refer to sisted diabolically. it as a hotel for refined, elderly "No, I'm afraid I don't." ladies. My sister and I are the "Our guests here are all widows. proprietors, and it- is our sole live- They crave masculine companion­ Hhood. We have five guests, all of ship. My sister and I, of course, whom are our age, or a bit older. have never married, and do not

66 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED exactly sympathize with this crav­ some of them may seek your spe­ ing. But we operate according to cial favor, you must never show the philosophy that the customer any partiality. Do you agree.?" is always right. We are prepared "Oh yes," he almost shouted to furnish you free board and with joy. room, Mr. Gravelle, in return for "Because if you would show par­ your spending a little time each tiality, it would be fatal, Mr. Gra­ day with our other guests, in the velle. That is the precise word parlor, or out on the porch, or on for the consequences. Fatah" the lawn—in any respectable place —and just simply being yourself, dining, chatting, watching televi­ The above conversation took sion, drinking lemonade, playing place in the morning. Justin Gra­ croquet, whatever happens to be velle moved into his new quarters the activity of the moment." in the afternoon. He was not be­ "And is that all.?" Justin asked ing given one of the choice rooms, after a moment, incredulously. he was told^^those were in front— "That is all." but the neat little bedroom which It was even better, easier, than overlooked the fish pond in the he could have imagined. If it was rear garden was luxury to a man merely a matter of being charm­ in his circumstances. It was sunny ing and amusing to a few dodder­ and airy, and when Celestine Car­ ing members of the fair sex, it was ter left him alone to get setded, precisely in his line. he discovered that the bed was a "Do you accept the proposition, downy delight. Mr. Gravelle.?" He lay stretched upon it—minus It never occurred to him to drive his coat and trousers to preserve a harder bargain. "Why, of course," the press—as the afternoon waned he answered joyfully. toward the promise of dinner time. "There is just one stipulatioh." His mind as well as his body wal­ His heart skipped a beat. Had lowed in the rosy softness of his this wonderful situation been of­ new life, and he did not question fered only to tantalize him, and from whence it came, or why, or then to have it snatched away be­ how long it might endure. Justin fore he could grasp it ? His mouth was too old to hve in the future. and throat were suddenly parched All that mattered now was some as he asked, "What is that.?" day-to-day comfort for his tiring "Just that you adhere scrupu­ flesh. lously to one litde rule. We have But as he surrendered himself five ladies as-guests here, and they to this -ecstasy, the nostrils in his all pay the same rate. Although theatrically shaped nose quivered

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM •67

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED suddenly, titillated by a familiar ~ sor undoubtedly, a man something smell. Familiar, yet puzzling in hke himself, a little down oh his this house of females. For try as he luck. But he had left. A position, might to deny it, or to identify it as a consequence, had been open. as something else, the heavy, rather Why had he left? Why-had he sweet smell was that of pipe to­ left? bacco. Justin got up and dressed slowly For a few moments he merely and thoughtfully. Although' he lay there and let himself be tan­ tried to ignore it, there was a small talized by it. He himself had given canker of doubt in his mind, an up smoking more than a year ago, insistent worm, threatening to not by choice, but rather out of the blight this bed of roses. grim necessity of having to spend He might have asked questions . all of his Lilliputian income on poor concerning this other, pipesmoke- food and poorer lodgings. ing chap when Celestine came to Where' was the odor coming fetch him to dinner. But by that from.? he asked himself. Surely time he had decided that he really not through the windows from didn't want to know the answers. the direction of one of the female If the-truth had the power of de­ guests. Surely not in The Carter stroying his present enjoyment, he House. And besides, the emana­ preferred to Uve in ignorance. tion seenied to surround him from So he put the whole thing into all sides, as if it were a quality the back of his mind, and accom­ of the room itself. panied Celestine down the broad Yes, of course! It came to him staircase and into the cheery din­ finally. The odor was in this room. ing room. On the way a new And now that he analyzed it more odor, the odor of food, beckoned carefully, he found it was also him with increasing vehemence, slightly stale. The former occu­ and besides, the challenge of a new pant then had been a pipesmoker; audience was at hand. The former occupant! A gentle­ With this double inspiration, he man, Uke himself, paid to entertain entered the dining room in rare . the feminine guests? But if this 'good form. The first thing that was a fine, easy, effortless life, caught his eye was the table itself, why had this other gentleman white cloth and gleaming silver left.? and covered dishes from which The disturbing question was like delicious steam, arose. It was only a sudden, chilly wind blowing by an act of stern self-discipline that across the prostrate forfn of Justin he turned his attention from the Gravelle. He shivered in his un- victuals to his fellow diners. dershorts. He had had a predeces- Celestine handled the introduc-

68 AlFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED tions, as Justin bowed with courtly mind, were most actively engaged. gravity to each lady in turn. Far- After dinner they exited to the sightedly, he paid strict attention drawing room. There, buoyed up to the names and their accom­ by the feeling of well-being that ' panying faces. accompanies a full stomach, Justin Alicia Allen was a tiny little old continued with the second chap­ thing with darting blue eyes, ter of his vocal memoirs—there snow-white hair, and a wicked, was, in fact, ah inexhaustible sup­ toothless smile. Blanche Norton ply of chsfpters. His actor's instinct was twice Alicia's size and weight, told him that he'd been an instant built like a battleship, with iron- success, that he was already gray hair and a face as square as adored. Florence Talbot's smile a gun turret. Madeline Howard grew ever wider as she beheld him. was wispy and willowy and wist­ Madeline Howard fetched the ful, with an absent, dreamy gaze, most genuine, audible sighs. AHcia and vestiges of what might have Allen's grin was strictly of appre­ once been good looks. Beatrice ciation. Blanche Norton's stoUd, Raymond, in direct contrast, was attentive stare could be interpret­ gaunt and hatchet-faced, with hair ed as a tribute. Even Beatrice Ray­ that had not had the grace to gray. mond's witch-like hardness sof­ Her raven plumage gave her the tened under the merry sun of Jus­ appearance of a witch, and Justin tin Gravelle. wondered how she had ever mar­ The Carter sisters were more ried in order now to be a widow. reserved, of course. Justin didn't The last of the group, Florence mind. He had never expected the Talbot, was short and squat and theatre management to applaud his round; everything about her was efforts, only to reward them fi­ round, her barrel-like torso, her nancially. They sat together in a button nose, her half-moon smile, far corner, rather obviously audi­ her full moon face. tioning him, and then just as ob­ Justin was accorded a place of viously signing him up for a long honor at the foot of the table, while run. Celestine presided from the head. The evening winged by swiftly.^ The meal went swimmingly. Jus­ But perhaps its high point oc­ tin had never spent a busier hour curred when Alicia Allen slipped in his life. What with discreetly out of the room, then returned a wolfing every scrap he could en­ moment later hke a Greek, bear­ tice onto his plate, and at the same ing a gift. She brought it across the time relating to an enthralled au­ room, a box that seemed too large dience the first chapter of the story and heavy for her tiny, wrinkled of his life, his jaws, if not his hands. Then she held it out in

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM 69

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED front of him, her thin wrists al­ former occupant of this room de­ most visibly bending under the parted.? huge weight. "Do you smoke cigars, Mr. Gra- velle.?" she chirped. . Life had perhaps never been Did he smoke cigars! He ac­ quite as pleasant for Justin Gra- cepted the box with voluble velle, even in the heyday of his thanks. Then, as ,the ladies watched stage career, as it was during those with breathless attention, he pro­ beginning weeks at The Carter ceeded to unwrap one of the ci­ House. He had never, even at gars, thrust it into his mouth, and his zenith, had anything close to search in his pockets for a match. top bilhng.^But nov/ he was the That is, until the horrible thought star. hit him. He had wondered at first what "Oh, I'm terribly sorry," he he was going to do for spending mumbled despairingly, "but I did­ money. But he needii't have wor­ n't think to ask . . ." ried. The cigars were only the be­ "Please go ahead and smoke," ginning. All of the ladies seemed Beatrice Raymond told him. "We to have funds. He was showered all had husbands once, you know. with gifts, cigars, cigarettes, pipes, We miss the smell so." pipe tobacco, shaving supplies, The circle of heads bobbed in shirts, ties, handkerchiefs, socks, affirmation. Even the two Carter mufflers, tie clasps, cuff links— heads nodded, though with more even gift bonds, which he used for gravity. Blanche Norton picked a a new suit and a new pair of silver lighter off the coffee table— shoes. Finally, to overflow the cup, odd that it should be there, he there were passed to him little thought—and ignited the cigar for sums in cash, for necessities such him. Then as he blew out great as hail cuts, manicures, and yes— fragrant clouds of smoke, the cir­ Justin was a shrewd diplomat— cle sighed with contentment. nominal little gifts for his bene­ When the festivities halted at ten, factresses. he took the box of cigars upstairs And he waxed fat too. Not only with him. But the moment he was from the good food served up by inside his own room, the question the Carter sisters, but also from the came back to him. The food was special concoctions vvhich all the excellent. The ladies were an ap­ ladies—each anxious to prove her preciative audience. There would culinary skill—prepared. The probably be more little extras from guests, it seemed, had the run of time to time, like the cigars. Then the kitchen whenever they desired. why—oh .why on earth—had the The place hummed with activity.

70 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED and out o£ it poured tea and lem­ But desperation bred even more onade, cookies and biscuits, jams failures, and vice versa. It was a and jellies, rolls and cakes, fudges vicious circle. and puddings, soft things and Rescue, however, came in the hard things, -sweet things and wispy, willowy, wistful' form of spicy things, appetizers and snacks Madeline Howard. She had spe­ and desserts, till at last even Justin cialized in gifts of English briar Gravelle's starved capacity could pipes, aromatic Turkish tobacco, a hold no more—till he started hid­ peculiarly delicious fudge which ing tins and boxes in his room, he had never given away to a pas­ and then sneaked them out of the serby on the street, and ever larger house under his overcoat to pass cash offerings. He was ripe there­ on to some startled little boy on fore for Madeline's overtures. the street. - She intercepted him as he re­ It was a contest, of course. A turned from an afternoon walk battle, stealthy as it was obvious, and steered him past the house. for his special favor. He gloried She needed a bit of exercise too, in it, but it did present difficulties. she explained. It was a new bit of Five ladies, each wanting individ­ strategy. None of the ladies had ual attention, can become some­ ever before tried to extend the bat­ thing of a burden. To be charm­ tleground beyond the house, the ing ten to sixteen hours a day— porch, and the garden. depending upon how often and Madeline, for all her dreamy how long he could escape from the gazes and abstracted manner, came house—was at first a challenge, rather briskly to the point. "You've then a job, next a bore, and finally told us so much about your stage a torture. career, Mr. Gravelle, but you've The strain began to tell on Jus­ never talked much of your person­ tin. He must not be cross, but often al life." he was weary. And on those oc­ "An actor doesn't have a per­ casions when he failed as the per­ sonal Ufe," he answered with auto­ fect cavalier, the slighted lady matic, romantic sadness. "He's al­ pouted or scolded, according to- ways on the stage or otherwise in her temperament. Mindful of the public view." warning of the Carters against fa­ "You traveled about constantly." voritism, he tried to divide these "Oh, yes indeed." failures evenly among his five "You never had a permanent charges. But he was no Solomon. home then.?" As his failures became more fre­ "Never after I joined up with quent and the difficulties multi­ the traveling troupe that came plied, he became more desperate. through our town."

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM 71

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Were you ever married?" and tying them with little yellow "Never. Never had time to settle ribbons and depositing them not down." so stealthily under Justin's napkin "But now that you've retired at the dinner table, from the stage"—what delicacy of Justin -accepted all this tribute, expression Madeline had—"have but did not change his mind about you ever considered marriage.?" Madeline. He was aware too of He maintained his romantic pose the basilisk stares of the Carter ^and affectations. "Alas, by the time sisters as they beheld the storm I retired and could consider do­ brewing. But he dared, not turn mesticity, I had nothing to offer a back. The job had been proving woman except my glamorous past." too much for him. He'd,been ex­ "But that would make, no dif­ pected not merely to companion ference, would it," Madchne pur­ five ladies, but to court them. And sued calmly, "if the woman of your one was enough. - choice had the necessary financial He would marry Madeline How­ resources.?" ard. They would move away from^ Justin was too startled to -an­ . The .Carter House, set up an es­ swer. Madeline said no more. tablishment of their own some­ They walked once around the where. He would. be master of block, in silence. But by the time Madeline's little fortune, whatever they returned to The Carter House, size it was, rather than go on be­ the beginning of a new relation­ ing a beggar for small favors. And ship had been made. he would be able to rest. Because that .was what, he con­ cluded now, his predecessor had The other ' ladies fought back done. He had married one of these valiantly. Florence's smile beamed wealthy widows and waltzed away ever wider, and her face seerned to with her. After all, one had to bet­ glow perpetually from the heat of ter one's self somehow. the oven as she baked her exqui­ site little cakes to tempt the palate of Justin Gravelle. Alicia toddled It was on the very day that he'd down to the dry goods store almost intended to propose formally to daily, and toddled honie again Madeline Howard that he. took with a new necktie for him. Bea­ sick. It was quite a sudden thing, trice relied on her two special rec­ and had seemed to be only indiges­ ipes, one for peach jam and the tion at first—quite a logical con­ other for watermelon rind pickles. clusion to come to, considering the Blanche made a vulgar "show of quantities of gourmet food's, he had wealth by rolling up greenbacks consumed at lunch.

72 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED But as the afternoon wore on, He drifted oflf. And he stayed in the indigestion took the I;orm of that nether realm of half-conscious­ violent cramps, occasional nausea, ness, half-death, almost out of con­ and a rising fever. Alarmed, Justin tact with the living world, seeing took to his bed. He lay there, alter­ nothing, hearing nothing, yet some­ nately writhing and exhausted, till how aware of his drifting, know­ toward dinner time Celestine Carter ing that the drift was toward the looked in on him. bottomless abyss, and terrified at "Mr. Gravelle," she began, "the that knowledge^—till a sound woke ladies are clamoring for you. It's him to some semblance of realiza­ such a nice warm afternoon, and tion. they've set up the croquet wickets The key turning in the lock again. "I'm sick," he answered weakly. The door opening and shutting. "Send for a doctor." Muted voices . . . one . . . two But instead of i scurrying off . , . whispering . ; . indistinct obediently, she came over to the . . . yet coming closer . . . one side of the bed and stood looking on either side of him now . . . down on him. She shook her head, conversing about him . . . not clucked her tongue, and finally, . seeming to know that he could sad and resigned, she turned and hear . . . left' the room. "Is he dead.?" "A doctor!" he pleaded hoarsely "I don't think so." after the departing figure. But the "Well, if he's not dead, he's far only reply was a key turning in gone." ' the lock of his door. "Oh yes, far gone. He wanted me He screamed, not loudly, be­ to call the doctor, but I knew there cause he was too weak to scream wasn't any use." loudly. He tried to get up, but he "Don't you dare call the doctor!" succeeded only in thrashing about "I wasn't going to." on the bed. The effort brought on "You know what kind of trouble another wave of nausea, and he having the doctor here would had to lie back again, the prisoner mean." also of his own incapacity. "Of course I know. I wasn't Poison . . . the word wrote it­ about to call a doctor." self across his mind. Somebody had "Well, we don't have to worry poisoned him. Who.? Why? about our consciences. We warned But it didn't really matter, his him." fogged brain told him. All that "Yes, we did. We told him the mattered was that the doctor come, rule. No partiality." that he get well . . . "And we said if he played fa-

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM . 73

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED vorites it would be fatal. Well, "What is worrying you?" that's what it's been. Or going to "Where are we going to put be any minute. I do think he's him?" breathing a little." "With the others, of course." "Well, even if he is we still don't "But it's getting terribly crowd­ want the doctor." ed." . "Oh, of' course not. For sure as "Yes, but where else is there?" we had a doctor, the next thing "I don't know, but sooner or there'd be the police. And we can't later we'll have to find another have the police around here." place." "I should say not." "When the time comes. When "But who do you suppose did the time comes." it this time?" "And I wish we could find an­ "I don't know and I don't care. other method." As long as they pay weekly, I'm "What do you mean?" not going to pry." "Well, I'm just getting too old to ". "But don't you get curious?" dig." "I try not to." "But we can't hire it done." "Well, we know it wasn't Made­ "Oh no." line. Not this time anyway. Be­ "And we can't ask our guests to cause Madeline was the one he'd help." picked." "Of course not. But I wish some­ "I wouldn't be surprised if it was times we were in some other busi­ the watermelon rind pickles." ness. This cleaning up after peo­ "Maybe so. He was a pig about ple." those pickles." "It's a living, sister. It's'a living." "Poor old thing. I wouldn't "I suppose so. Shall it be to­ blame her. She's never picked once. night ? It must be-discouraging." "It'll have to be tonight. Dead or "Yes, she has to do something alive. This isn't the sort of thing to keep up her hopes." that can wait." "We are going to have a prob­ "All right, tonight. Midnight?" lem, you know." "Yes. Gives us at least five hours "What's that?" before the sun comes up . . .** "Getting rid of all his junk. He The voices receded. The door did real well for himself. He col­ opened and closed. The lock lected quite a wardrobe." clicked. And Justin Gravelle was "We'll just do what we did the left to his tormented dreams. last time. The charity agencies. Midnight . . . dead or alive That isn't the problem that's wor­ . . . but he was stiU alive! Perhaps rying me." he would hve. He had a rugged 74 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED constitution. Even now it seemed "It's a chance we have to take." that some of his strength was re­ Celestine said philosophically. "Ev­ turning. That conversation be­ ery business has its little risks." tween, the Carter sisters had pro­ "True, sister, true," Victoria vided him with a spur and a chal­ agreed, perking up. lenge. He commanded his muscles, "We must consider the alterna­ discovered that he could move a tive, you know. That silly Made­ little. But then he lay still again. line would have married him, and Better to' conserve his strength for we'd have lost a good boarder. one massive attempt. Why, by this time we'd have lost Slawly life seeped back into his all of them." veins. It was very dark outside, and "Shall we run another ad?" finally he decided he could wait no "Oh yes, as soon as possible." longer. He got up,' dressed' in his "Do you think Madeline will be best suit, stuffed "his pockets with inconsolable.?" what cash he had and the most "Not if we get another fine speci­ valuable gifts from his collection. men like Justin. Hope springs But when he tried the door, it eternal." was locked, of course. In real fear So saying, Celestine Carter sat of the Carter sisters, he declined down at the escritoire with her either to try to force the door or to quill pen. "Now how do we word pound on it to summon help. He it.? Oh yes. 'Single gentleman went instead to the Window. There he discovered a trellis he had some­ how never noticed before. He climbed down it, and sped off into Justin Gravelle read the adver­ the night. tisement, but he didn't answer it. Nor did he take his story to the police. He concluded wisely that "I've just checked," Celestine the police would hardly take the Carter announced, "and he's defi­ word of a broken-down old bum nitely gone." against that .of a houseful of re­ "Good," Victoria answered with spectable ladies. relief. "You know sometimes, sis­ He also considered courting ter, I'm afraid we might give one Madeline. But he decided against of them a little too much, and the that too. After all, it was possible old fellow will have a, weak heart that she had murdered one of his or something, and then we really predecessors when the luck had will have a corpse on our hands." run against her.

WANTED: A RESPECTABLE VICTIM 75

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED You Are Invited to Enter

first Prize: ^ i^3ww9

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8 AdditieeifiB Special Awards

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED CONTEST ^ULiS

u Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine ofFers a cash award of $1,500 as First Prize for the best original crime, suspense or mystery story entered in the contest.

S Additional awards will be made as follows: One (1) Second Prize of $750, One (1) Third Prize of $500. Eight (8) Special Awards of $250 each. Dupli­ cate prizes will be awarded in case of ties. All prizes include publication rights in Alfred Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine and all foreign serial publi­ cation rights.

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/ All entries must be received at Box 218, Universal City, California, post­ marked not later than November 30, 1960. Winners will be announced and prizes awarded as soon as possible thereafter.

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Long live the Kingl" is the cry of loyal subjects. Assassins or regicides, however, express themselves somewhat differently.

9 SAT in the winged leather chair I glanced through the ceiling- sipping Armagnac, an excellent high windows at an edge of the wine rather soured by the UN building, silhouetted above the ugliness of my host. He waddled East River. "I don't want you to to a decanter tray and the mere ef­ underestimate the value I place on fort involved in picking up a bottle killing a man, Mr. Muruk. And of whiskey made him wheeze. also don't want any awkward I loathed abnormality. Distor­ repercussions to result from our tions of human figures sometimes interview." actually filled me with a nauseous Mr. Muruk gave one of those horror. And Mr. Muruk was a very eloquent Far Eastern shrugs.

^

•^TBI^X '.^?^^.*p ^p-aj ..LK-'il ^^ VL'tV^

genuine bundle of zinc-griay suet. "You have a- fine reputation in He settled behind a teakwood your field, Mr. Weston. A cautious desk and glanced at an antique and conservative and successful clock on the wall. "Exactly on time, man. I should think you would be Mr. Weston." financially secure." "And I'd rather not waste it on "Not quite," I said. "You see, unnecessary preliminary details," I I've never operated on any quanti­ said. "I'm interested .first of all in tative basis. I get" no personal the price you're offering." pleasure directly from my work. "You Americans. The price must It's never very exciting or stimu­ be right, eh.?" lating and It's often dull. It's strict-

78 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED ly a business. I do it for only one "Countit if you wish, Mr. Wes­ reason—financial gain. But I'm ton. Fifty thousand, would that be very selective and I operate on a an adequate persuader.? Fifty thou­ strict .qualitative level. For, you sand rriore if you succeed.' In un­ see, I have a deep conviction about marked American cash.?" killing." I hesitated. "What is this conviction.?" asked "Count it if you wish.?" Mr. Muruk. "Oh no," I said. It was more "A sensitive and sane man can than enough, I decided, and there allow himself only a certain num­ was no sense in traditional quib­ ber of killings. Beyond that, he's bling. "We're in business. I must absolutely corrupted. I know that ask you to make the briefing as one more is all my conscience, such quick and to the point as possible. as it is, will tolerate." And another things before there's "So this job must be conclusively any further commitment. I never rewarding. I see, Mr. Weston." use a gun. Guns are dangerous and "I need enough from this one to noisy. They're also gross and un­ retire," I added. pleasant."

^

Mr. Muruk grunted and lifted a "I know." leather bag to the top of the desk "I prefer a job demanding the and slid it toward me. "I don't rep­ simplest and least brutal method." resent some small organization or Mr. Muruk nodded. "So do we." an individual," he said. "But a na­ He sighed and waddled back to tion, my own country. For a pur­ the decanter and poured more pose such as this, we can allot con­ whiskey. "We have tried many ap­ siderable funds." proaches. All of them, subtle or I snapped open the bag, pleasant­ otherwise, have failed." He drank ly taut with crisp packets of fifty and shuddered, almost impercepti­ dollar bills. bly. "A number of internationally

RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 79

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED reputed gentlemen of your profes­ Mr. Muruk nodded gloomily sion have been interviewed by me through the window. "Little King and sent out from almost every im­ Asazian. You may know that five portant^ capital city in the w^orld. years ago he was ousted by a revo­ Failure, sir, failure every time. To lution without being assassinated, say the least, our proposed victim or formally surrendering his claim seems to bear a charmed life." to rule. He was stabbed some I smiled. "You Europeans have twenty times and shot once, but over-indulged perhaps. As with too proved, then/as now, to be aston­ much whiskey or too many wom­ ishingly durable." en, sensitivity and imagination be­ "I don't see what it has to do come blunted by excess. Couldn't with my job now," I said. it be that repeated murders en "Impatience isn't supposed to be masse squeezed the small individ­ part of your character." ual job out of focus.?" "I don't hke a thing cluttered up "Maybe you are right," Mr. Mu- with nonessentials," I said. "I.can't ruk said. "And a fresh direct possibly share your motives, for American approach is what we wanting King Asazian eliminated. need. Fortunately our victim's com­ Can't we dispense with background ing to New York has made you, data.?" with your American vigor and cal­ "Time hasn't dulled my emo­ culated zest, available for testing." > tional involvement," Mr. Muruk "There is nothing easier than said sadly. "You see, he claims to kilHng a man," I said. "It can be as be the King of BaUkshar in Exile. simple as stepping on a cockroach. As long as he reinains alive, he will But it must be detached. A mere comniand a considerable and dan­ job that is never an end in itself." gerous following in my country. Mr. Muruk smiled. "The price Counter revolutions are a constant takes care of everything.l' irritation." "Exactly," I said. "It still adds up only to his being here ahve," I said. "I fail to see that it means anything else as far as "Are you interested in interna­ I'm concerned." tional politics, Mr. Weston.?" "Of course, Mr. Weston. But I "Hardly at all. But I read the must point out that, being an in­ papers." ternational figure, he is always un­ "Then you may be familiar with der heavy Federal and local, a small Near Eastern country rich round-the-clock guard. Particularly in oil and ignorance. It is called here in the United States. Because B£likshar." your government is especially sym­ "Yes," I said. "King Asazian/* pathetic with his cause, not ours."

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "I expect legal inconveniences roving exile in hospitals. The re­ and other obstacles," I said. sult of who knows what multiple "He's a patient in a Long Island afflictions. But oddly enough, we hospital undergoing complex sur­ never before thought of using a gery. I'll give you the pertinent hospital to dispose of him. He's details. He came here .for special been confined to this Long Island treatment, just as he has visited ev­ clinic for over a week. Long ery major-city in the civilized enough for us to work out a plan world for some specific medical or for you. I shall outline it. You may surgical need. King Asazian is a approve, make any changes or very old man, Mr. Weston. I elaborations you think fit." wouldn't presume to say how old, no one knows. Let me only say that our efforts should not normally be There were only a few minor necessary. He should long ago have changes that occured to me. Gen­ died from natural causes." erally, it seemed a tight, simple I helped myself to a bit more of plan. Before I left, Mr. Muruk gave the Armagnac. me two envelopes, each of which "A number of countries are not­ contained ten thousand dollars in ed for specialists in various fields,, one hundred dollar bills, as bribe including medicine and surgery. money. He also said, "We don't King Asazian has had both the know why our other attempts desire and financial means to take never worked out, Mr. Weston. advantage of such speciaUsts. We Our operatives were either killed, have followed him from hospital or captured and disposed of, or to hospital from Moscow across imprisoned one way. or another the Scandinavian countries, to Vi­ before we could determine the enna, France, England, Brazil. cause of their failure." And now New York. At this Long Failure, for whatever , reason, Island clinic is a surgeon, supposed held no interest for me, so I had no to be the best throat specialist in comment to offer. Many are called, the world. Naturally, King Asa­ but few are chosen. My only feel­ zian selects only top men. Seems he ing for those inept predecessors contracted some malignancy of the was one of gratitude, for having neck, the vocal cords were affected, tossed King Asazian and a hun­ and he lost his voice. This is an dred grand my way. insufferable handicap to a King It was then ten in the morning. whose only influence is through King Asazian was to reach the his ability to harangue crowds." end of his unnaturally prolonged I waited. existence at between eight-fifteen "He's spent the better part of his and nine o'clock that night., RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 81

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I put the fifty thousand away in P.M. King Asazian had not been my safety deposit box on Fifth having rnany visitors. If he hap­ Avenue and spent four relaxing pened to tonight, they would be hours in the Museum of Modern cleared out by eight-fifteen at the Art. A special showing of massive latest. There followed an -imme­ abstract canvases intrigued me. diate check by nurses and a doc­ They covered entire walls and tor. That was the regular schedule. were unframed. Standing there, I- I would, at nine o'clock, greet the felt somewhat uneasy as a result police officer sitting 'outside, then - of my immediate understanding of go into room 304, where King the artists' meaniiigs. Their huge­ Asazian waited. It would be at ness invited the viewer to step into least another hour before another them and become absorbed, carried scheduled round from the night away, lost in the meandering, end­ nurse. Actually, only a minute or less complexity of space. And the so would be required for me to ac­ fact that they had ho frames fur­ complish that which had so stub­ ther increased this sensation of bornly defied nature, time and something without bounds, as if man. . each painting extended onward At seven-thirty I went by cab and outward forever. The artists across the river and out the Belt were, in other words, inviting me Parkway, off Exit' 16 to Sunrise to move out into the new space Drive where I got out. It was a age, iinite man shooting away and clear starry night and cool-for the becoming lost in infinity. middle of June. I walked a block Aside from a certain insecurity, down King's Drive under the a sort of cool draft on the back of shade trees and waited on the cor­ my neck, I was pleasandy remind­ ner. The ambulance drove up in ed of the fact that I would retire less than five minutes. the next day.' I would have a life­ Two attendants in white smocks time ahead of me, and sufficient and white trousers got out and wealth to spend my days leisurely walked up to me. It was an iso­ roaming the world absorbing cul­ lated spot, but they stood there for ture, art, and ideas. awhile, making sure no silent pe­ I dined early at a small exclusive destrian was about. restaurant on 46th Street, calf's "Muruk," I said. liver a la frangaise followed by a "Balikshar," -the smaller of the bottle of rich Moselle which I lin-. attendants said, a bit sullenly, I gered over while rehearsing the thought. routine outlined by the repulsive . "Let's have the money," the Mr. Muruk. larger one said crudely. Visiting hours ended at eight I handed each of them his en-

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED velope. Immediately they began We walked back to the ambu­ counting and fingering the bills. lance which I, together with Then che big one turned with a henchmen, was supposed to have sudden enthusiasm and smashed waylaid. I looked back once, a-bit his fist into the smaller one's jaw. concerned about the man I was The victim fell on the grass, groan­ supposed to have beaten up and ing. "Take it easy, for God's sake," left unconscious. The attendant hesaid. whom I was supposed to force at "For ten grand you can take a gun point to drive me to the clinic, beating," the big one said. opened the rear ambulance doors "But I don't wanna spend it all and told me to get in. on doctor's bills!" "Change into the doc's uniform," He was then kicked in the ribs he added. "Put on horn-rimmed and lifted and smashed repeatedly glasses. Most of the younger docs in the face. He started to scream at our institution wear 'em." and then his nose smashed and It was a situation in which I had covered his face and chest with no repugnance to conformity. I got blood. The victim passed out. in, sat on the stretcher bed, "That's what I wanted," the changed into white pants, vvhite larger one said, rubbing his knuck­ shoes, a smock that buttoned tight­ les. "Blood. It's got to look right." ly in a clerical band around my "It looks pretty good," I said as neck. I put on the horn-rimmed the victim was dragged away into glasses. I was not supposed to re­ the brush. semble any regular known staff The bruiser returned and lit a member. Anyone walking around cigarette and looked at his watch. in a hospital in a doctor's uniform "You two friendly with one an­ is automatically assumed to be an other?" I asked. absolute authority. No one would "Old buddies. We're going to dare question it, nor would it oc­ pool our take and buy us a .filling cur to anyone to do so. Or so we station." hoped. Before putting my folded "Such treatment could put quite civvies in a paper bag, I took a" a strain on friendship," I said. slim switch-blade knife out and "And what about the ten grand concealed it beneath my belt under on him.'"' my smock. Knives were clean, neat, "He snaps out of it, he'll ache fast and reliable. I had used them but then he'll think of the ten before and Mr. Muruk's more grand and feel good. He's got a clinical method might fail. place over there to hide the moola The attendant handed me a until things blow over a little. We black plastic medical kit after we figured it was best to separate." got into the front seat. There- were RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 83

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED three syringes ready for use, a under heavy guard. There were loaded fountain pen which I police cars in front and rear, uni­ placed in the breast pocket of my formed patrolmen and plain­ smock. clothes men gathered about like The first hypo, the attendant flies on a sugar cube. pointed, out, was for him. Soon as The cop at the gate stopped us. we parked at the clinic I was to let He recognized the' attendant be­ him have it. He handed me the hind the wheel and thumbed us key to the Oldsmobile which he through-without bothering to look said was the third • car from the at me. Two more cops at the en­ left as we drove in. After I fin­ trance to the parking lot took a ished, I was to walk out the rear closer look. exit, across the parking lot to the "Do you have a light, oflScer?" Olds and drive away. I asked. If they questioned the attendant He lit my cigarette and mo­ to the point where he got the tioned us through. We drove across hypo, he could show them the hy­ the parking lot, down the ramp podermic needle puncture, and a and under the medical center. On subsequent blood test would reveal the way in I checked the location the stuff I had knocked him of the cream-colored Oldsmobile. out with. He and his friend were, It was a rented car driven in early of course, to remain completely in­ by a visitor who had walked off nocent throughout. and forgotten it. Some friend of The gun vvith which I was sup­ Mr. Muruk's. posed to have forced him to drive It occurred to me that if some­ me to the clinic was on the floor thing went wrong I might have in the front of the ambulance. difficulty driving away. But there A mile or so from the hospital, was no reason for anything to go the attendant set off the screaming wrong. I didn't intend that any­ siren. It amused me to see cars thing should. scrambling out of my way. "Okay," the attendant said. I stabbed the first hypo needle into his arm and pressed the plunger. I understood that when King "Oh man. I want no spinal from Asazian had been driven from the you, Doc!" He then collapsed into airport to the hospital, every foot vvhat appeared to be blissful deep of highway and byway had been sleep. It seemed that ambulance lined with policemen, patrol cars, drivers often goofed, off in that motorcycles,, and even a few heli­ seat for awhile when they drove copters. Of course we missed all in. Therefore, he probably would­ of tRat. But the hospital itself was n't be disturbed for awhile. If he

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED were, he would be woozy, inco­ first. Then a nurse came out of a herent, and would effectively stall room at the farther end of the hall, for time if I needed any. turned and started toward me at I got out and walked through a a pace that would have done credit door, down a shiny waxed floor to a snail. I checked my watch and toward the elevator, mentally re­ • slowed down, seemed to be deep in tracing the floor plan in my mind. medicative thoughts. The nurse fi­ I didn't want anyone seeing me nally passed me with a warm hesitate about directions. A cop greeting and disappeared around stood by the elevator ogling a nurse the turn in the corridor. who walked down the hall to­ I took the fountain pen from ward me. The cop twisted his gaze the breast pocket of my smock and from her to me with reluctance. stopped in front of the still-seated But he seemed to grow more in­ cop. He was young, did not ap­ terested in me as I approached. pear to be particularly stupid. But "Oh, nurse," I said brusquely. the important thing was that he "Yes, Doctor.?" might have, been given very strict "Do me a favor, please." ^ orders about who was and who "Why of course. Doctor!" was not to be admitted. Also his "Drop by the X-ray room as auditory sense was probably good soon as possible' and tell that nin­ and might hear questionable noises compoop in charge to facilitate . coming from room 304. my report on John Stanley's brok­ "Good evening, officer," I said, en foot charts." and started past him toward the "John Stanley, doctor.?" door. "That's right. John Stanley." "Sorry, Doc. I got to check your "I'll get right on that, Doctor.'" ID card." "Thank you, nurse." I smiled, I turned. "Seems there's'an emer­ turned abruptly, elbowed the cop gency here—and in the absence of to one side.' "Pardon me, officer. Dr. Kildare, I was called in." This is an emergency." "Sorry," he said, smiling, as I The cop jumped aside and I pointed the fountain pen and stepped in and pressed the 3-but- pressed the discharge button, shoot­ ton. A nurse wheeling a rubber ing a lethal spray into his eyes, table said, "Good evening, Doc­ nose and mouth. He collapsed at tor," as I walked down the third once, 'out cold as if he had been .floor hall, turned right and head­ blackjacked. I got him balanced on ed for room 304 in the private the chair as if he might have been ward. The cop seated in front of dozing or very relaxed, with one the door watching me was the arm pushed.as a prop through the only one in the hall besides me at back of the chair. RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 85

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Then I went into room 304, shut Evidently, I thought, his vocal the door, and lunged straight for cords had not yet been reconsti­ the bed to prevent King Asazian tuted. This was a decided advan­ from pressing an alarm button. tage to me. I could work without But the inert outline under the fear of his warning outcries. white sheet made no fnovement at Then the old uncontrollable re­ all, not at first. There was the vulsion at the sight of human dis­ bulge of his slight stomach, the tortion and abnormality began to perfect V outline of his slightly work on me. I fought it. I had to parted legs, the arms each of which fight it only a few seconds; then I extended straight down at either would be out of there. It began side and each seeming to be at the to boil and twist in my stomach. same time, two or three inches Reluctantly, I grabbed the upper from his body. As I took the sec­ edge of the sheet, pulled it down, ond hypodermic .syringe from the gripped the King's left arm. It went case and placed the case on the taut, assumed the formidable con­ bedtable, I thought of King Asa­ sistency of coiling steel cable. I zian as being already a corpse jammed the needle, heard the covered with a shroud. sharp sping running up into my The complete stiffness and sym­ fingers, The needle was bent. metry of his outline, his utter still­ I felt sweat burst out of my face ness, suggested anything but a Jiv­ as I grabbed up the third needle. ing breathing human being even It was also the last. Not only was in its most comatose state. But it a neat sterile way of killing a then the little, ^yellow, hairless man, but it might ii:sult in the hos­ head moved slightly. The lips, like pital being blamed for negligence, a split vvalnut, writhed back over or no cause for the King's death the white porcelain shine of arti­ being discerned. If there was no ficial dentures. The top edge of alarm, and I walked out and drove the sheet which covered his chin away without attracting any par­ fluttered like a vein as his breath­ ticular attention, they would find ing heightened. King Asazian dead, that was all-. His eyelids snapped open. His I had injected air-bubbles into his left eye, just the left, rolled around veins, plus, for good measure, a and fixed itself on me. It was subtle poison hard to detect. The steady. There was fear, but also a cop outside could make up any bright piercing anger. It was black story he wished. and bright as a shard of polished The King's arm snapped from dark glass. His mouth stayed my grasp. I made several attempts open. I heard desperate quick,ex­ before again managing to obtain pulsions of air, voiceless gusts. a close grip on the oddly smooth

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED and shining forearm. Again with his head to press the button, plunged the needle down. the alarm button. I stepped back. I felt a threat of I was on him again, forcing his panic. The needle was bent dou­ body away from the alarm button, ble, and there had been no pene­ then stabbing for his heart. I felt tration whatever of the King's the metallic clang run like a shock flesh. up my arm and into my brain. That eye kept watching me, I heard an odd desperate cry widening slightly, narrowing. escape from, me like the sound of His neck was invisible behind a a child in its sleep. I was suddenly thick cast. Not the familiar plas­ frightened. I was more than that. ter of paris and gauze cast, nor I was nauseated and, filled with a the sort of cradle arrangement that growing terror. I stabbed again supports broken and cracked necks. and again. Then I realized that It seemed to be of shiny chrome the knife blade had snapped, bro­ with a series of regularly spaced ken clean at the hilt. perforated squares. There were those shining metal­ I drew the knife from beneath lic scratches showing through my smock and the blade snapped King Asazian's flesh-like exterior. free. I had agreed to kill him, but But the scratches revealed some had not restricted myself as to kind, of thin but impenetrable method. I moved slowly toward metal alloy. I could not have him, watching that single glaring known then, of course, that his rib black and penetrating eye. cage had been removed to make Suddenly his arm shot up and way for countless operations, and reached for a button on the side had been replaced by metal plates, of a console box setting on the bed-' I didn't try to reason it out either table. I jumped, grabbed the arm, at that time. I had seized him by jerked it savagely down over the the throat and was trying to choke edge of the bed. The effort sent King Asazian. me stumbling back across the Soon I drew back, trembling. If room. Horrified, I still held his he had any recognizable neck at arm in my hand. all, it was invulnerable behind its For some reason, although the metal cast. fact was obvious, it was difficult for My hands were wet and I could me to grasp its being an artificial feel sweat running down under limb. It looked genuine. But there my shirt. My time was running were the cogs and fine silver wires out. I stood there trying to con­ and pulleys inside. The delicate trol myself, trying to think clearly. snaps and clips on the shoulder. I had been in difficult situations King Asazian was reaching up before. There's always a way out if RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 87

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED you think calmly, keep your head. all the time I watched his eye fixed I could brain him. But there was on me, angry, condemning and nothing to club him with. I started deadly. That was it. It was a toward the table. But I was afraid deadly arrogant and assured eye. to use it. The alarm box fastened And all the time I saw his body to it might sound off if I used twisting slowly, his other arm com­ the table for a bludgeon. There ing over toward the button. was nothing else, absolutely noth­ I simply could not touch him ing else in the room that I could again. His other arm, his other use to brain him with, except his leg, his entire body—if I grabbed arm.- And somehow I couldn't them, I had no idea what would bring myself to pick it up off the happen. And I had no desire to floor. find out. I wasn't the first to fail The window. It was open. A to ehminate King Asazian, and three-floor drop would surely fin­ I probably wouldn't be the last. ish him. I pushed the wiiidow Then he laughed. Softly at first. higher and unlocked the screen, Then louder and louder. It be­ turned, but I couldn't touch his came a throbbing thunderous torso. I tried several times to scoop sound pounding around the room. him up, but a revulsion seized me It grew even louder. I think I so powerfully that I couldn't get screamed, but I couldn't hear my­ my hands within a foot of his self. hideous hairless shiny torso. I reached the door and started to I grabbed his leg and started to open it. But his voice had aroused drag him from the bed. the entire hospital. I could hear I stumbled back and ran into voices shouting outside, and foot­ the wall—the leg in my hand. I steps coming down the hall. dropped it. It clanged hollowly "Run, Murderer!" he began and slid across the polished floor shouting at me. "Run, run, mur­ toward the door. It seemed that I derer! Murderer, murderer, run!" could still hear the sharp twang­ He was still bellowing and ing, as if a number of taut piano laughirig as I got through the win­ wires had snapped. dow and clung to the sill. But I I tried to force myself back to­ also heard shouts coming around ward the bed. The' idea of failure the hospital and toward the "dark­ was no more agreeable now than ness immediately below me. As I it had ever been. But I found it im­ clung there, his voice blared loud­ possible to move toward my in­ er until it reverberated and cracked tended victim. It was as though I like the voice coming 'from a faulty were rooted in terror in one of pubHc address system. those immobile nightmares. And As I dropped, the sound fol-

ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED lowed me. It filled the hospital and icy mockery of a human voice; the night. Laughter. "Riin, mur­ then imagine that only a slight derer!" Laughter. "Run, run, Mur­ trace of a genuine human voice is derer!" somehow imprisoned there. But I couldn't run even if I had It was not an alarm button. felt a really intense urge to run. When he pressed that button, King The fall had broken my leg among Asazian switched on his newly in­ other things, and in any case, I was stalled electronic voice box. Full the center of attention of several , volume of course. They heard it uniformed cops. throughout the hospital,and people found - it quite audible a block away. Naturally, I had no chance I still hear him laughing arid at all. telling me to run. I hear him at " I've considered the implications^ unexpected and terribly disturbing King Asazian is still alive and only .. moments. Sometimes in my cell. partly human. Or perhaps there is Sometimes while I'rri out in the a point where a renovated, re­ recreation yard. But more often built human is no longer really hu­ in the middle of. the night. man at all. I have no idea either, It isn't a sound that I can toler­ how long he will continue to pre­ ate very much longer. It is likely sent to the public what appears to that I have heard it quite too long be something aUve. already. You see, it wasn't a hu­ What is he, the indestructible man, nor a purely mechanical ruler of tomorrow.? I know this— sound. Either would, of course, that he is the product of interna­ have been perfectly tolerable. It was tional specialists and scientific in­ something hke the hollow, atonal, genuity of the highest order. And imitation of the human voices that against such frightening interna­ electronic engineers can now cre­ tional wonders, against such a ate out of sound waves and record thing as King Asazian, there is no on tape. Sound waves that were longer any hope for effective ac­ never titillated initially by any hu­ tion by such as I—the lone entre­ man vocal cords. Listen to such an preneur.

RUN, MURDERER, RUN! 89

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED ff OR YEARS, I lived in mortal terror of G-Men because of my cousin, Ruby Martinson. The three most horrifying letters in my alphabet were F.B.I, and I couldn't see a picture of J. Edgar Hoover with­ out wondering if it saw me. And the worst part was, the whole trauma was the result of the wild­ est crime that Ruby ' Martinson, World's Greatest Unsuccessful Criminal, ever perpetrated. By this time, of course, I was getting used to Ruby's inability to make Crime pay. Even though Ruby was an accountant, he never seemed to get out of the red in all the capers we pulled together. For­ tunately, he was making good money ($65 a week) for his age (23) so I never worried about his finances. But I, was five years younger, a great deal poorer, and in contrast to Ruby's iron nerves, mine were made of chicken fat. On the evening that it started, I was poorer than usual. I had just been fired from my fourth job in , the garment district, merely be­ cause I had pushed a hand truck into an open manhole on 33rd and 7th Avenue, sending, half a dozen Max Teitelbaum originals into the sevver system of New York. So when I met Ruby at Hector's

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED As has been well established, the pen is mightier than the sword. Naturally, only a quill pen is as mighty as all that. For though you can tickle someone into submission with such a pen; what, for example, could you accomplish with a ball point pen?

Cafeteria on Broadway, I was forced I looked at him queerly, since to ask him for coffee-and-cruller Ruby wears the biggest eyeglasses money. - Ruby,- who was normally I ever saw in my life. I mean, they pretty tight-fisted, handed me the were so big that an optometrist coins without a murmur. could have hung them up as a "You okay, Ruby.?" I asked, sign. genuinely concerned. "She doesn't know I saw her," He looked up at me, and his Ruby continued with a snarl. "I small freckled face had never ap­ was X in the delicatessen across the peared so tragic'before. street from her house, the Savoy. "I'm okay," he said bitterly. "I'll You remember the place." be even better when Dorothy gets I did, of course. We had robbed that letter tomorrow." it once, and lost money on the "You wrote Dorothy a letter.? deal. What for.?" ' "I was just standing there, when My astonishment was real. Dor­ I see this taxi pull up in front of othy, Ruby's fiancee, lived on 76th her place, and Dorothy gets out Street, and Ruby saw her every with this four-eyed tall guy. I night that wasn't devoted to his- mean, they were friendly. Real Fiendish Activities. Not that she friendly!" knew about his secret life; I was I liked Dorothy, so I rushed to Ruby's only confidante in crime. her defense. "Gee, Ruby, he was "I wrote her a letter, all right," probably some guy from where he said, with a mocking laugh. she workis, probably gave her a "She'll never forget it. She'll be lift-" sorry for the rest of her life." "Yeah?" Ruby said cynically. "So . It was obvious that the bumpy how come he kissed her good-bye? road to love, was bumpier than I mean a real passionate kiss.?" usual. That stopped me, and I joined "You know what I told her.?" Ruby in a morose .sip of coffee Ruby said." "I told her what I and an angry bite of cruller. really think of her. And I told her "So today," Ruby said, "I wrote what she could do.with that four- her this letter and told her off eyed freak she's so crazy about." good. Women are all alike, pal,

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN 91 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED don't trust any o£ 'em; They'll two- and dialed Dorothy's home num- time you the minute you -turn your -ber, When she answered, I didn't back. I shouldn't have just written know how to approach the subject her a letter. I should have gone up delicately, so I just blurted it out. there and leaned on her a little." "Hey," I said. "Who was that "Gosh, Ruby, you wouldn't really guy last night?" hurt her.?" "What guy.?" She sounded sur­ Ruby didn't answer. He picked prised. ' -^ "- up his coffee cup and downed I forced a laugh. "I was across the brown stuff Uke it was a hook­ the street yesterday, and I saw you er of rye. It's a good thing alcohol getting out of the taxi. You better made Ruby sick, or he would have not let Ruby know about that, gotten potted that night. I watched hah-hah." him and felt an emphatic melan­ "I don't know what you're talk­ choly; the idea that Ruby and Dor­ ing about; I came home by sub­ othy might part seemed as shat­ way. Are you with Ruby.? Is he tering to me as if my own parents playing a joke on me.?" were breaking up. Big tears welled I didn't know whether she was in my eyes, and 1 think I would covering up or not. So I laughed have blubbered right in the middle again, in a kind of cracked debon­ of the cafeteria, except that a sud­ air manner, and that made her den-thought intruded. "Hey!" I sore. cried. "Maybe Dorothy has a "Look, will you stop acting so brother!" silly? If Ruby's there, tell him to be "Naw," Ruby said. "She's got a sure and get here at seven-thirty. lot of relatives ouV in the middle My cousin Ruth has to leave at west, but nobody like that. Besides, nine, so we have to have dinner that wasn't any sisterly kiss, let early." me tell you." "Your cousin Ruth?" I stood up, and made a feeble ex- "Ruby knows about it. Ruth , cuse about washing my hands. I came in last night, to see her hus­ tried not to show my excitement, band off. He's going into the because I had decided to call Dor­ Army, \yould you please ask othy and see if there were some Ruby to come to the phone?" reasonable explanation' for her be­ "He's not here!" I said wildly. havior. I knew vaguely that the "I mean, I don't know where he way of the peacemaker is hard, is," I stuttered. "Dorothy, does this but I didn't know how hard it cousin of yours look like you, even was going to become. a little?" In the'rear of Hector's, I put one "She does, as' a matter of fact. of Ruby's coins into the telephone Why?"

92 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Nothing," I said miserably. "If I smiled pleasantly. "She is get­ I see Ruby, I'll tell him to call ting a httle plump, isn't she?" you." And I hung up. Ruby groaned, and looked worse I went back to the table, and told off than he had before. He slumped Ruby what I had done. When I into his chair, and hid his face in his got to the part about Dorothy's hands. I didn't know what else to . cousin, his eyes glazed and realized do, so I went and got some cheese the truth. Danish from the pastry counter. By "Her cousin!" he said, slapping the time I got back. Ruby looked his high forehead. "I thought Dor­ entirely different, I had forgotten othy looked different. Something how swiftly his ingenious Criminal about the hairstyle—" Brain worked. "Boy, that's a relief, huh?" I "There's only one thing to do," said. "But you better call her back." he said. "We got to steal it back." Ruby still looked stunned. I had "We?" I said, soprano. "Steal to jog his elbow to get him to say it?" , something. When he did, the "It's the only way. You've got to words gagged him. waylay the postman that comes to "The letter!" Dorothy's apartment house." "What.?" "/Wgotto? But Ruby—" "The letter I sent Dorothy! If "You're the only one who can she gets it, it's the end!" do it. The mail comes at ten, and "Gee," I said calmly, "why not I'll be at work then. I'd take to­ just call her and tell her not to morrow off, but we're doing a read it.?" job for our biggest client." "Are you nuts? Did you ever "Ruby, you're talking crazy. You try and tell a girl not to do some­ can't rob a postman. I mean, that's thing? She'll be so curious she'll a federal offense, it's like killing have to read it. I've got to somebody." get that letter back!" "You're not stealing money, just "Maybe if you called the post a lousy letter. Now listen carefully ofSce," I said tirhidly. His glare how it's gonna work—" told me what he thought of the I put my hands over my ears. suggestion, so I tried another. "I'm not hstening! I don't want to "Well, tell her the truth then. Tell listen! I did a lot of nutty things her how jealous you got when you for you. Ruby, but you're' not get­ saw her cousin—" ting no F.B.I, on my neck!" "You don't understand. It was a "You won't have any trouble," real nasty letter. I said things she Ruby said contemptuously "I've could never forgive. I even said seen the guy who delivers the mail she was fat." there. He's about four feet high

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN 93

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED and built like a sparrow. When you surrender. I went down in a hail shove that gun in his face, he'll of G-Man bullets, and woke up fold up." clutching my stomach. My mother "Gun.?" I said, spraying the heard my groans and suggested landscape with the cheese crumbs castor oil. I said no, but from the in my mouth. "Ruby, I'm not fishy taste of'-my orange juice, I sticking up any postman with a suspected that she had her way. gun!" . -• I showed up at Dorothy's apart­ "What else you gonna use, a bow ment house a Uttle before nine. In and arrow.? It'll be a fake, of the hallway, I scouted the best hid­ course, we'll pick one up at ing place; it was easy enough to Woolworth's. All you have to do find. Behind "the staircase was a is wait around the hallway until. dark, damp corner used for the he shows up. When he's about to storage of baby carriages, discard­ put the letter in Dorothy's mail­ ed tricycles, and a large piece of box, you jurrip out and grab it." nude sculpture. It was embarrass­ He studied me reflectively. "Better ing to be around the thing, so I wear a mask," he said. "Nobody sat on the seat of the tricycle and could forget a face Hke yours." tried not to see it. While I waited, I stood up and folded my arms. I I checked the artillery that Wool- had been browbeaten, coaxed, and worth had provided: it was a cajoled into plenty of capers with small, menacing pistol that went Ruby Martinson, but this time I clickety-chuck when you - pressed was going to be firm. the trigger, and emitted, a small "I won't do it," I said, with hard piece of sickening candy. I manly simplicity. hoped I would remember not to Then I waited for Ruby's bar­ fire the darned thing; I might rage. It didn't come. He just put actually hurt the guy. his thumbnail between his teeth, It was a long wait. For an hour, IcMjked dejected, and turned his I sat there with nothing to do but head away. eat the revolting candy and try not . "Oh, heck," I said. "All right. to stare at the naked stone lady. Ruby." After awhile, I got so bored and reckless that I not only stared at the statue, but started firing little I had nothing but nightmares in hard pieces of candy at it. my dream life during those years Then I heard the shuffling foot­ with Ruby Martinson, and that steps and the out-of-key whistle. night was no different. James Cag- The postman ^yas here. ney was af^^r me with a machine- I peeked out to size^ up the op­ gun, and wouldn't even let me position, and felt just a bit better.

94 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Ruby had been correct, if not print, and then he picked up that precise. The postman was a Uttle big mail pouch of his like it was a guy not much over five feet, and pillow, and whopped me right in so frail that I didn't see how he the htad. I mean, that bag must carried that heavy mailpouch on have weighed a hundred pounds his pack. He had already sorted and he just slung it at me! I stag­ out the building mail, and now he gered against the wall and he was opening the bank of boxes raised the thing again. It must have against the wall. felt heavier this time, because he I fixed my eyes on Dorothy's wasn't so fast anymore. I had time mailbox, and tied ray handkerchief to duck underneath his arm and around my face. Then I took out make it to the front door of the the gun, put my finger on the apartment house. trigger, and got ready to pounce. I I didn't even look back to see if really amazed myself that day; I i was followed. I just tore the, wasn't even nervous. handkerchief from my face and Then it was time to act. He had ran. If there's one thing I could an envelope in his hand and' was ^ do, it was run. I ran so hard that about to drop it in the box; once my shirttails came right out of my he locked it, it would be irretriev­ trousers. I didn't stop until 1 able. I jumped out, waved the reached Sixty-eighth Street. gun, and shouted: But I had the letter! Panting but "Stick'em up!" triumphant, I stopped in the door­ To tell you the truth, I didn't way of a hardware store and shout anything. I just jumped out looked at the envelope. and opened my mouth. Not a It was neatly typed, and in the sound came out. I wasn't nervous, upper left-hand corner were the but my mouth was. We looked at words: FRESH AIR FUND. each other stupidly for a moment, I opened the letter, praying that and I,wondered if I would have Ruby had used a second-hand en­ to write it out foi: him. Gan you velope. But the worst was imme­ imagine borrowing a guy's pencil diately evident. The letter had and writing "stick 'em upi?" been run off on a duplicating ma­ We were at an impasse. He did­ chine, and it's opening line was: n't know what I wanted, and I "YOU CAN SEND A BOY TO didn't know how to tell him. Then -CAMP THIS SUMMER!" I fixed everything by snatching the Right then, I fervently wished letter out of his hand. the boy could be me. In my haste, He knew what I was up to then, I had snatched the first letter the all right. He yelled and called me postman had destined for the mail­ something that I never saw in box. Ruby's letter was still in the

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN 95

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED pouch; by now it was nestling "I called Dorothy at the office," snugly in tlie mailbox where it be­ Ruby said, chuckling happily. "I longed. And that night, Dorothy told her she'd get a letter from would open it blissfully, and all me in the mail today, but she was­ would be over. n't to open it under any circum­ My first thought was to go down stances." ^ to the docks and see what ships "Wasn't she curious why?" were leaving. Then I decided it "Sure she was. But I told her wasn't fair to Ruby to tell him the letter wasn't anything impor­ anything but the truth; his fertile tant, just a poem I wrote for her." brain might still hatch another It was like hearing that Dillinger scheme for the letter's recovery. I did needlework. phoned him at his office, and he "You write poems?" I said. called me exactly what the mail­ Ruby scowled. "So what? Any­ man had called me. Then he said way, I told her that I was over at a to meet him at Hector's Cafeteria chemical laboratory, visiting a at uoon. friend of mine yesterday, and I had I showed up, expecting to be the poem in my pocket. I sat down tongue-lashed. Instead, I found at one of the counters and started Ruby looking crafty. The Great to read it, when all of a sudden I Mind had arrived at another solu­ accidentally knocked this beaker tion. over. Some white hquid got spilled "It's all, fixed," he said cheer­ on the letter, but it dried fast so I fully. "It took some figuring out, didn't think anything of it, and but I did it." put the poem in the mail." "That's great," I said. "I knew "What a screwy story," I said. you could do it!" "Let me finish," Ruby snapped. "It came to me in a flash. What "Anyway, after I mailed the poem, would stop somebody from open­ I got to talking to one of the guys ing their own letter.?" in the laboratory, • and mentioned I concentrated, and tried to about spilling the beaker. He got match Ruby's uncanny powers, real excited, because he said the but I got no place. beaker contained a virulent-type He laughed. "Would you open disease germ. If you just touch the a letter that might kill you?" stuff, you curl up and die." "Kill me? How could a letter "Wow!" I said. "Are you sure it do that.?" didn't get on you. Ruby?" "If it was contaminated! Don't He punched my arm. "This is you see?" what I told Dorothy, you dope, I wasn't even sure what con­ it didn't really happen." taminated meant. "Oh."

96 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Anyway, I told Dorothy the white handkerchief was an impen­ letter should be burned before she etrable disguise. Even if I had sus­ opens it, to make sure she doesn't pected that the two burly types get infected. She^ got real upset, lingering in the doorway of Dor­ of course, and said maybe she othy's building were officers of the ought to leave work and go to the law, I think I would have merely apartment. She's got this cleaning gulped hard and kept on going, woman who brings up the mail secure in the belief that I was un­ every day, and who knows? But I recognizable. Only let me tell you told hec not to worry, that I'd go up what I was wearing. A pink sports there and burn the letter for her. So shirt with a picture of a hula that's your agenda for the after­ dancer on the back. A leather belt noon, pal." with a nickle-plated buckle the size "Me.? Aw, gosh, Ruby, I don't of a cantaloupe. A pair of bleached want to go back there." denim pants, and orange shoes. Or­ "Don't give nie any arguments. ange. They had been tan to begin Nothing can go wrong this time. with, but my shoe polish went All you got to do is let yourself rancid or something, and they 'into Dorothy's apartment—the turned orange. key's under the mat—and get hold It never occurred to me that the of that letter and burn it. Even postman would take any action, you can handle that." and describe my outfit to the Law. "All right," I said reluctantly. After all, what was one Fresh Air "I guess that won't be so hard." Fund letter, more or less? But Ruby looked at his watch. "Call when I went up the elevator to me at the oflRce and let me know Dorothy's apartment, the two big how things went. And I'll meet guys went with me. When I found you here at six. Check?" the key under the mat, they stood "Check," I said. ^ at the end of the hallway and acted indifferent. When I entered the apartment, and found Ruby's This time, the trip to 76th letter on the coffee table, I was Street wasn't nearly so depressing. smugly certain my troubles were It was a simple enough assign- over. . ment; all I had to do was burn a Just to make doubly certain that letter. I liked fires. I had the right letter this time I walked up the street to the (and because I was so curious), I apartment house, whistling' non­ opened the envelope and took a chalantly. To this day, I can't ex­ look at the contents. plain the cockeyed confidence The letter wasn't very long, but which made me believe that a neither is a stick of dynamite.

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN 97 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Dear Dorothy, it said, I saw you we wanted to talk to you about. with that ugly four-eyed boyfriend Were you in the building this of yours, and you can have him. mornmg ?' Please send me bac\ my ring on "Me?" I said, grinning and shak­ account of our engagement is off. ing. If you can get it off your finger, "Mr. Finchley, the postman who which I doubt, since you've been works this building, he got at­ getting pretty fat lately. You loo\ tacked this morning. Somebody lousy. And it was signed, Yours -snatched a letter from him. You Sincerely, Ruby Martinson. know anything about that?" I chuckled to myself, and was "Me?" I said. about to leave when I saw them "Is that all you can say?" Coch­ standing in the doorway. ran growled. "Did you take that . "You Uve here, son?" one of letter? The postman described you them said. He had a nose like a and that outfit you got on to a T, piece of modeling clay. so no use acting coy." "Who, me?" I said. "No, my I was about to say "Me?" again, friend hves here. She wanted me but I figured he must have meant to get something, for her. A letter." Me. My legs went rubbery and my "A letter, huh?" the second one eyes blurred. I held up Ruby's let­ grunted, looking at his buddy side­ ter and tried to croak out an ex­ ways. "You got quite a thing planation. about letters, don't you, kid?" "Wait a minute," I said, "wait. I "What's that?" I said, starting had a reason, a very good reason!" to shake. "You know what the penalty for The first one took out a wallet mail theft is?" both of them asked, the size of a club. For a minute, I seemed like both of them. thought he was going to sock me "I know, I know," I squealed. with it, but he was only flashing "But I had to do it. So help me! his identification. "I'm Lieutenant I was looking for this letter—this Jakes," he said. "This is Lieuten­ letter's poisoned—" ant Cochran." That stopped them. They stepped "Hello there," I said. I started to back from the envelope I was grin. That's my worst symptom waving in my hand, as if it were a when I'm nervous. I grin so hard hand grenade. my jaw hurts. "I didn't do any­ "What are you giving us?" Jakes thing," I said. "I was Just doing said gruffly. "What do you mean, my friend a favor. You could call poisoned?" and ask her." "It is, it is!" I shrieked. "That's "We just might do that," Jakes why I was trying, to get it from said. "Only there's something else the postman, so he shouldn't get

98 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED infected. My friend sent it to his ter, and Cochran sat beside me, girl friend from some chemical well away from me and it. The laboratory. A test tube got spilled officer named Jakes drove, but I on it—it's full of deadly germs—" don't think he was happy having They looked at each other, and me behind him. I felt like Typhoid I could see they were uncertain Mary. about what to do next. That made I thought this lab would be in a three of us. precinct house, but it wasn't; it Then Cochran twisted his was located in a quiet brownstone mouth sourly. "Oh, yeah?" he house on East 48th Street. As they said. "Then how come you're led me into the place, I kept plead­ touching it, kid}" ing with them to call Dorothy. I "I was going to burn it!" I shout­ didn't mention anything about ed wildly. "I'm immune to this Ruby Martinson; some crazy sense kind of thing, I've had shots!" of honor kept me from dragging "It's a nutty story," Jakes mut­ his name into the mess. I guess tered. "But who knows.? Maybe I figured that once he was in the we better check on it." hands of the Law, his whole Crim­ "Please," I stammered, "call inal Career might be exposed. Dorothy. The girl who lives here. The fellow in the lab was named She'll tell you it's true. She'll prove Fusco. He listened to their story it." with interest, looked queerly at me "We'll do better than that. We'll with Ruby's letter in my hot Uttle take you and that letter into our hand, and then beckoned us into lab. Then we'll get this thing an inner office. straightened out." Fusco was one of these kindly "No!" I yelled. "You can't do white-haired types; he didn't look that! I have to burn it—" like a cop or an F.B.I, man at all. "Come on," Jakes said. He listened calmly to my own He jerked his thuiiab at me, and version of what had happened, and failing to think of anything else to asked if I knew what kind of vir­ say, I preceded them out. It was ulent germ Ruby had spilled on the at times like these that I wished (a) letter. I said I didn't know, but to have Ruby's power of invention, that I thought Ruby had said that or (b) to have never met Ruby at its victims turiied blue. He then all. examined my face, my throat, my I thought there would be a prowl pulse, and took my temperature. car in the street, but there wasn't. "Well," he said, "if you've caught Instead, they prodded me into a anything, there's no sign of it. But nondescript gray Buick. I was put maybe we'd better see that letter." in the back with triy diseased let- I held it behind my back. "We

RUBY MARTINSON'S POISONED PEN 99 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED have-to burn it," I said. "I was told "I've burned the letter as in­ to burn it." structed," Fusco said, looking at Fusco smiled, gently. "I'd like to me with a funny kind' of twinkle. take a look at it under the micro­ "So you can forget the whole scope." thing." "No!" I yelled. "You can't do "What kind of germs were they, that! I mean, you might catch it Doc?" Cochran asked. yourself—" "One of the deadhest," Fusco He took a pair of forceps out of smiled. "I'm not sure of the exact a drawer, and held them toward name, but I think it's something me. With a sinking feeling, I let like zelus excessus. But every­ him take the letter. thing's fine now." When Fusco disappeared into a "Then can I go?" I said eagerly. back room, I looked at my captors "Will you let me go.?" and wondered what my mother Jakes rubbed his jaw, and then would say when she learned that looked at his buddy. I was going to jail. I began think­ "I guess so. If the doctor says ing about prison life. I hoped she it's okay." wouldn't mail me a lot of cakes I made the door so fast that I and cookies and stuff like that. I think I broke Nurmi's record. But mean, I wouldn't want the other something stopped me before I prisoners to think I was a sissy. turned the knob. I looked back at Five minutes later, Fusco reap­ the doctor, and said: peared. There was no letter in his "Say, you sure I didn't get in­ hand, and he was looking grave. fected ? I've got an awful weak I shut my eyes and waited for the constitution. I mean, I can catch worst. anything." . Then I heard him say: "You're absolutely fine," the doc­ "The young inan was right. tor said. There were deadly disease germs on that letter, but fortunately, he didn't become infected. You really But I wasn't so fine by the time can't blame him for trying to steal I met Ruby Martinson at Hector's it—he was only protecting the .Cafeteria that night. I was seeing mailman." spots before my eyes, my head was "You see?" I said ecstatically. feverish, and my tongue felt two "You see.?" inches thick. Jake grunted. "What do we do, "Ruby,", I said, trembling. "Ruby give him a medal.?" I'm feeling sick. Why didn't you Gee, you don't have to do that," tell me it was the truth.?" I said. "Don't be stupid," he said.

100 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Ruby, you heard about what pretended that there were deadly the doctor said. I think I'm com- germs on the letter." ing down with this zelus excessus. "He did?" Do I look blue to you.?" "Of course! You know what He laughed happily. "You dope! zelus excessus means in Latin.? Don't you see what happened.? Too much jealousy!" This Fusco must be an all right Ruby was feeUng so good that guy; he read the letter and figured he bought me a slab of lemon out what had happened. So he just meringue pie. But I was too sick played along with the gag, and to enjoy it.

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I I* f\ danger of drowning—unless it was *ik^LmiS "•Vr'j'V a in the deep hazel pools of Henri­ ette's eyes. He was, in fact, demon-, strating his affection for Henriette when the first scene of his personal cinema flashed without warning ento the screen of his conscious­ ness. Curiously, this flash-back, the IT HAS been said that a drowning lightning-fast recapitulation of his person, in the brief moments be­ past, did not begin with his child­ tween his last desperate struggles hood or early youth as such mani­ to stay afloat and his death by festations are commonly expected Uquid suffocation, sees passing be­ to do. Instead, Gaston's mental fore his eyes, like a speeded-up mo­ movie began only after he had at­ tion picture, the chief events and tained mature manhood, married crises of his life. Yvonne, and become preeminent in To Gaston Beaujolais, sitting in his profession . . . his favorite armchair in the flag- stoned parlor of Henriette's house, with Henriette herself on his knee, • Gaston Beaujolais was a chemist. a similar phenomenon occurred Not the kind of chemist, he was one wet spring night in the moun­ fond of saying, that rnesses about tain village of St. Paul de Vence. with nauseous batches of umbel- There was, however, one impor­ liferone, phthaUc anhydride or tant difference: Gaston was in no paradichlorobenzene. Oh, no. He

102 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED cosmetic manufacturers whose lab­ m^i>ms0tMAM^ oratories were located on the Bou­ levard Gambetta in Nice, just off the Promenade des Anglais. It was a mental picture of that laboratory of his that occurred to him first, in that run-through of his past. He saw himself, quite clearly, standing in his laboratory, a man of middle height with sensitive hands and a purely Gallic ebul­ lience. He was dressed in his white working smock and was watching intently a concoction of some sort

What would we do without science? It both saves and destroys lives—and you could hardly asl^ more of it than that. Be that as it may, there are those backward foll^ who have been requesting that it go away. v had put his undoubted chemical that simmered in a test tube over a talents to far better use, placing burner. them at the service of Art and He knew, instantly, exactly what Beauty (with capital letters). He the concoction was. It was the new devoted his working hours en­ lipstick ingredient he had discov­ tirely to the compounding of per­ ered how to synthesize only that fumes, face powders, soothing day. It had given him a great deal salves, wrinkle removers, astrin­ of trouble, the development of this gents, cleansing unguents and particular ingredient. For it was sensuous shades of lipstick and nail not a substance usually included in polish. Anything, in short, that hpsticks. Yet it was an ingredient could conceivably help the French that Beaujolais felt sure would in­ female to look and smell more at­ evitably enable Rousseau Freres to tractive was grist to Beaujolais' corner the world lipstick market, if chemical mill. He was, in his he should ever divulge its secret to words, a cosmetic chemist. And a his superiors. good one, too. Indeed, he occupied He had not the slightest inten­ the post of Chief Chemist at Rous­ tion of doing so, however. It was seau Fr^res, the well-known firm of his exclusive formula, privately ar-

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION 103 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED rived at and now destined for use' ing cottage for her in St. Paul de in one lipstick only: the lipstick Vence, a village in the hills with with which he intended to murder the geographical advantage of be­ his wife. ing readily accessible to him when And the truly Gallic touch that he motored from Nice to Grasse distinguished Gaston's planning and back on his regular visits to was this: he could contemplate secure certain flower fragrances for with equanimity the murder of his his work. wife, and incidentally, of his best Henriette was a joy—a gay, intel­ friend as well, but he felt very ligent girl who very soon sup­ strongly indeed that when Yvonne planted Gaston's wife, Yvonne, in died, he couldn't bear it if she his affection. This was made all the didn't die quickly and happily. She easier by Yvonne's obvious and had not, for some years now, of growing distaste for any expression course, been a wife in the true sense of Gaston's feelings. Even a hur­ of the word. Beautiful, yes, and ried kiss from him upon his return gracious, convenable, affectionate from the laboratory made her she still was—but in matters of wince a little, uncontrollably. Gas­ love, what had started as an attrac­ ton, who was blessed with a nor­ tive timidity on her part during mally healthy ego, realized that their honeymoon had since become Yvonne's was not a revulsion re­ what he could only term outright served only for him, but encom­ indiffernce to him. Thi5, Gaston passed all men alike. Even Alfred, Beaujolais felt, was certainly un­ his long time friend, who had also suitable, nay unacceptable, in the courted Yvonne and bowed graces wife of an eminent cosmetic chem­ fully to defeat when Gaston came ist. off with the prize, could nowadays His first attempt to solve his scarcely touch Yvonne's hand to problem had taken, the form of pass her into a taxi, without the Henriette Deschamps, a lovely same shrinking becoming pain­ mannequin he had met at a fash­ fully apparent in her. ion show in Cannes, where he had The more Gaston found himself been present as a representative 'in love with his mannequin, Hen­ of Rousseau Freres' Commercial riette, the more impatient he felt Make-up Service. Henriette was with his wife, Yvonne, and the lonely, being only recently trans­ more pity he felt for his good planted from Paris to the Cote friend, Alfred. . d'Azur; she was basically fond of But since Henriette skillfully men; she found Gaston appealing soothed the_^troubled waters of his in a chemical way. And she had no spirit, and satisfied his persistent objections when he found a charm- need for sympathetic female un-

104 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED derstanding, he gave the matter of rid of to make room for Henriette. his wife very little thought for a It was as simple as that. Once this time, living in a dream world of decision was made, he was not un­ his own in which he found myriad duly troubled by the prospect of. excuses to visit Grasse on business having to make away with his for Rousseau Freres, and stop each wife. It was the method of murder time for a blissful interlude with that kept him awake at night, toss­ Henrictte in St. Paul de Vence. ing fretfully. Such a make-shift arrangement He would kill her, he thought could not possibly last, of course. feverishly. Yes, it must be. There Henriette soon began to fancy her­ was no other practical solution. self a little. As a result, she began But how.? She was not to blame to put on a few charming airs. for her shortcomings, poor Yvonne. Next, she found herself wishing She was probably as bitterly un­ she were Madame Gaston Beau- happy in their marriage as he was.' jolais, rather than merely Gaston's He must kill her, he thought, yes, little "mountain blossom" as he but he must kill her in some way called her fondly, carefully con­ that would give her pleasure. She cealed from society and shut off must be happy at the last. This was from city gaiety as surely as though a sentiment that did him credit, but she were one of the pretty but use­ it posed a problem, all the same: less white doves that gathered to what method of murder would he gossip on the roof of Les Colombes, pleasant for Yvonne as .well as the local inn nearby. This, she said quick and sure for him.' vehemently to Gaston one after­ The "quick and sure" require­ noon, while hugging his handsome ments occasioned him no difficulty. head to her bosom, was no way for After all, was he not a brilliant a girl to live, do you know it, tnon cosmetic chemist, thoroughly ac­ cher? customed to the compounding of Gaston was forced to agree, up­ all kinds of beauty aids, including on thinking it over, that she had lipsticks.? Yes, he decided, a hp- reason on her side. He could not stick would be a fitting weapon. blame a sensitive girl like Henri­ To' a man of his knowledge and ette for feeling as she did. For sev­ experience, it,was the work of but eral months after she mentioned lit a few minutes to blend a lethal to him, his manner both at his lab­ solution of potassium cyahide with oratory and at home, was rather the pulp of one of Rousseau Freres' distrait. Petal Pink Hpsticks that Yvonne It was during this period of rest­ always used. less brooding that Gaston came to After this simple preliminary his decision: Yvonne must be got step, there followed some weeks of

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION 105 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED serious research, the net result o£ They heard a performance of which was the new Hpstick in­ Simon Boccanegra at the Casino gredient that Gaston now stood Mediterranee that evening, the watching as it bubbled merrily over three of them, Alfred, Gaston and the Bunsen burner on his labora­ Yvonne. Their seats were together, tory table. Yvonne sitting between the two Unfortunately, his brilliant solu­ men. It was a La. Scala company tion of his problem made it im- from Milan,- very good, and they , perative that Alfred, his oldest enjoyed the opera immensely. Half­ friend and Yvonne's still faithful way through the last act, Gaston though frustrated admirer, should had the opportunity to remove die, too. But again, Gaston's con­ from Yvonne's evening purse, science proved comfortably elastic, without her knowledge, her black and although he regretted the ne­ enameled Hpstick holder and re­ cessity of finishing of? poor Alfred, place it with the one he had pre­ he was able to console himself by pared at the laboratory. A few reflecting that Alfred, when the minutes later, as the curtain came moment of death came, would be down to thunderous applause, he happy, too—happier than he had . struck himself on the forehead been for years. with his clenched fist and said to Gaston determined to act that Yvonne: "What a fool I am, dar­ very night. Hastily he cooled the ling! I told you that I must drive bubbUng solution in his test tube, up to Grasse tonight, to be there combined it skillfully with the for the early flower market tomor­ body of the lipstick already Hberal- row." She nodded as she slipped ly spiked, with hydrocyanic acid, into her wrap. "But," Gaston con­ poured four precise drops of a col­ tinued easily, "I have forgotten orless fluid he took from his labo­ some important papers that I must ratory shelf into the mixture, add­ have with me. They are at the ed a trifle more scent to the lip­ laboratory. I'll just run down and stick than was usual (to conceal the get them now, do you mind? It odor of almonds), then carefully will save me time in the end." rolled the finished preparation into "Alors," said Yvonne with a lipstick shape, rounded it at one transparent lack of interest, "I'll end as though it had been slightly come with you. Then you can take used, and inserted the whole into a me home and be on the road for black and gold Hpstick holder that Grasse by midnight." was the exact "duplicate of the As though suddenly struck by Rousseau Freres 80-franc holder the possibility, Gaston said, "Un­ that Yvonne regularly used. The less Alfred would take you home holder he put into his pocket. while I go to the laboratory?"

106 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Alfred rose gallantly to the occa­ rising hills behind the city. "Ah," sion, as Gaston knew he would. Gaston said to himself with quiet "I insist on it, dear fellow," he said satisfaction, "already it marches." warmly. "I'll drive her home with When, presently, the Renault pleasure. If you agree, Yvonne.?" turned off the main road into a "Why not.?" she said indifferent­ dark tree-lined track, Gaston ly. She took out her compact, un­ winked and watched the streamers sheathed the pink cylinder of her of rain that his headlights disclosed lipstick and applied it to her Hps as lancing thickly downward. Shut­ they made ready to leave the audi­ ting off his lights, he then pulled torium. up calmly at the edge of the road, Gaston's own lips curled in a several hundred yards short of the slight smile. dark lane into which Alfred and Outside, it had begun to rain Yvonne had disappeared. very heavily. They ran to the park­ He lit a Gauloise and sat in his ing lot, and Alfred hustled Yvonne car for five minutes, savoring the into the front seat of his Renault, strong, black, biting tobacco, then then went around and cHmbed un­ confidently descended into the rain der the wheel. Gaston' waved them and walked openly up the road to away, and went to his own car the track where he had last seen farther down the rank. He got in the Renault. and sat listening to the raindrops He turned into the track, mak­ beating on the canvas over his ing no effort to conceal his pres­ head, the while he peered through ence. He was sure no one would a window at Alfred's Renault. see him in this deserted locality on When the car left the lot, he could such a miserable night. The rain clearly see the silhouettes of Alfred was a stroke of luck, he thought. and Yvonne limned against the Certainly Yvonne and Alfred lights of the Casino. The silhou­ would not see him! He began to ettes were surprisingly close to­ breathe a trifle rapidly. That was gether. the only sign of tension about him. Gaston did not go to his labo­ No car lights were visible in the ratory. Instead, he drove carefully gloomy tunnel before him. But he from the parking lot and, at a dis­ detected the looming bulk of the creet distance, followed Alfred's darkened Renault twenty yards Renault. It turned north, up the away, parked under the dripping Avenue de la Victoire toward the trees. He approached.it deliberate­ suburb where Gaston and Yvonne ly, his feet niaking small sucking lived, but he was amused to note sounds in the wet earth he trod. that at the next turning, Alfred And although he knew what he continued straight on toward the would find when he opened the

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION 107 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Renault's door and the dome light lights, and engage undisturbed In came on, he felt a pleasant sense of what our American allies at one accomplishment at what he saw time called 'necking'. Yes, my there in the front seat. friends, and when they found Yvonne and Alfred were in each them, both dead as doornails, what other's arms. Each face wore a look was their position? They were of joy and long-deferred satisfac­ locked in close eriibrace; their lips tion. Their half-opened lips were were joined in a passionate kiss. pressed together in a magnificently "How can this be explained— earthy kiss that roused a faint glow this seemingly inexplicable tableau of envy in Gaston's romantic breast. of death ? I shall tell you. It was my And both were quite dead. hpstick that brought it iall about; For a long moment, Gaston not only the death of the lovers— stood there, his head inside the that alone would have been easy. Renault. His expression was that of But my lipstick was so formulated an artist who stands back to regard that it brought death in its fairest a finished painting, proud and a guise—a kiss! trifle awed by the masterpiece he "The death-dealing agent? Hy­ has wrought. For Gaston's lipstick drocyanic acid. But, in all modesty, was indeed a minor masterpiece. I must point out to you that it was Before him was the proof. my original variations on this an­ He could hear his own voice, cient theme that are of interest. Let very faint and off-stage, explaining us take them in order. First, I de­ to the wondering assistant chem­ sired to make a usually dispassion­ ists at Rousseau Freres exactly ate woman want to be kissed. The what a triumph of cosirietic chem­ answer, obviously, was a complete­ istry that lipstick of his was. "You ly new kind of chemical—one that will remember," he fancied himself would work by osmosis through saying, "that Madame Beaujolais the skin of the lips and enter the was a woman to whom any physi­ blood stream in the mouth area cal contact with a member of the with authority enough to arouse in opposite sex was unpleasant. Yet the woman an intense desire, nay, -what happens when she is driven a need to be kissed. Such a chemi­ home from the opera by her hus­ cal I at length compounded, using band's oldest friend? She moves the rendered salts of a number of closer to him in the car almost im­ other stimulating chemicals as the mediately. She begs him not to basic building block of my for­ drive her directly home, but to mula. take her to some dark spot where, "Very well. We now have a lip­ Hke the veriest teen-age lovers, they stick that is lethal and contains a can park their car, turn out the chemical to stimulate the kissing

108 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED urge. But our difficulties are by no to evolve a temporary antidote for means at an end. Oh, no! Now we hydrocyanic acid that would vola- must discover some subtle means tize and release the killing poison of holdmg the instantaneous viru­ only on contact with the moisture lence of hydrocyanic acid at bay, of of male lips. making it remain quiescent and "Over this problem K worked harmless until the moment of kiss­ with what I must call genuine dedi­ ing. We don't want the woman to cation for some weeks, only, in the die the moment she applies her lip­ end, to be but partially successful. stick, else the kissing chemical For my solution necessarily em­ were purposeless. bodied death for the man who was "Such a substance, too, I was suc­ kissing her as well as for the cessful in finding. It is a colorless woman herself. However, I have liquid whose source I shall not re­ never pretended to perfection. veal to you as you might not be­ Sometimes we must be satisfied lieve me. Only a few drops serve with workable compromises. And our purpose. But this antidote to after all, by the simple formulation the poison, major discovery though of this lipstick, I did succeed in my it is, must be a temporary inhibitor major aim: removing Madame only, as you can readily appreciate. Beaujolais to make way for Henri- Now we must have a catalyst, a ette, and doing it in such a way trigger, if you will, to remove the that she was very happy in the restraints set upon the poison by end!" the inhibitor, to reactivate, at the Gaston realized, of course, that to moment of kissing, the deadly acid address such a monologue as this that lurks in the lipstick on the to his laboratory colleagues would lady's lips. be insane. But by delivering it si­ "I see you have guessed the lently to himself, with his head in­ catalyst, my friends. And of course, side a car on a dark track above you are right. The natural moisture Nice, he found that he was able to of the mouth—here was the logical enjoy, vicariously, some of the ap­ trigger to set off a hpstick explo­ probation for his chemical bril­ sion. But wait! Do you see the dif­ liance that would undoubtedly ficulty involved there.? The almost have been his had he been able to insurmountable chemical problem reveal the secret of his lipstick to posed by that simple requirement.'' the world. The trigger cannot be the lady's That thought brought him up own saliva. Decidedly not. Merely sharply. There was still much to be licking her lips will then inevitably done. From the pocket of his wet precipitate death. No, my problem, jacket he brought out Yvonne's the most difficult one I faced, was own harmless lipstick. He put it

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION 109 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED into her purse, removing at the ties in Nice to reach him at Grasse same time the poisoned Upstick tomorrow with the ill tidings of his and placing it in his pocket. He beloved wife's death. left her purse open on the seat be­ Henriette received him in her side her body, and carefully placed small house just after midnight, de­ near her right hand a tiny vial, lighted that he was stopping even empty, that had the letters HCN for a couple of hours with her. She stamped on it in tiny type. exclaimed in distress when she saw Then he closed the door of the his rain-darppened clothing, and car. The roof light snapped off. scolded him gently about going And the tragic burden of the Re­ out in the rain without wearing a nault withdrew once more into de­ waterproof. She took his wet jacket cent darkness. He walked boldly and shoes into her bedroom to dry back to his own car, confident that them out before the tiny coal fire the rain would wash out the marks that was burning there this damp of his footsteps on the soft ground night; she brought him the dress­ of the track. ing gown and shppers that he kept at her house for just such occasions as this. Driving through the hills half Then, settling him comfortably an hour later on his way to St. Paul in his favorite armchair, she smiled de Vence, he tried to imagine the, bewitchingly at him and dropped surprise and shock with which all into his lap with eager affection. his acquaintances—and Yvonne's— "Darling Gaston," she said to him, would react to the news tomorrow in a warm voice, "I feel very much when the bodies were found. The like a wife to you, tu sais. I believe only possible explanation would be no wife could hold you in higher a suicide pact, carried out by star- esteem than I do, or love you half crossed lovers who preferred to so much." She leaned forward to swallow poison together as they kiss him, but he held her away kissed for the last time, rather than from him by the shoulders while he continue to dishonor a loving hus­ said softly: - band and dear friend by a shabby, "Perhaps you shall be my wife clandestine love affair. Everybody before long, cherie." in Nice knew that Alfred had al­ Her eyes lighted up Uke those of ways been in love with Yvonne. a child who catches her first And now they would know that glimpse of the Carnaval parade. Yvonne must secretly have been in "Vraiment?" she asked joyfully, love with Alfred, too. Gaston "You are not joking, Gaston?" Beauiolais smiled to himself, an­ He shook his head, smiling at ticipating the efforts of the authori­ her tenderly.

110 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED She kissed him with even more did you get the lipstick you are now passionate gusto than usual. Gas­ wearing, Henriette.?" ton returned her caress. She attempted to resume their That was the exact moment kiss. "In your pocket," she said, when the curious cinema-Uke scenes "when I hung up your jacket just of his Ufe mentioned earlier in this now. The sample of Petal Pink you chronicle began to flash with in­ brought me. Why.? Does it taste credible speed before his inward funny.''" She giggled. eye. His arms tightened around her Suddenly, violently, he wrenched as the first dreadful strictures be­ his lips from hers and with agon­ gan. "It tastes like death," he said. ized intensity whispered, "Where But she was no longer listening.

STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP REQUIRED BY THE ACT OF AUGUST 24, 1912, AS AMENDED BY THE ACTS OF MAECH 3, 1933, AND JULY 2, 1946 (Title 39, United States Code, Section 233) SHOWING THE OWNERSHIP, MANAGE­ MENT, AND CIRCULATION OF ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE, published monthly at North Palm Beach, Florida, for November, 1960. 1. The names and addresses of the publisher, editor, managing editor, and business managers are: Publisher, Richard E. Decker, Riviera Beach, Fla.; Editor, William Manners, Riviera Beach, Florida; Managing Editor, G. F. Foster, Riviera Beach, Florida; Business Manager, Richard E. Decker, Riviera Beach, Fla. 2. The owner is: H. S.. D. Publications, Inc., 105 Lakeview Building, North Palm Beach, Florida; Richard E. Decker, Riviera Beach, Florida; Alfred Hitchcock, Studio City, California. 3. The known bondholders mortgagees, and other security holders owning or holding 1 percent or more of total amount of bonds, mortgages, or other securities are: None. • 4. Paragraphs 2 and 3 include, in cases where the stockholder or security holder appears upon the books of the company as trustee or in any other fiduciary relation, the name of the person or corporation for who^ such trustee is acting; also the statements in the two paragraphs show the affiant's full knowledge and belief as to the circumstances and conditions under which stock­ holders and security holders who do not appear upon the books of the company as trustees, hold stock and securities in a capacity other than that of a bona fide owner. RICHARD E. DECKER Publisher Sworn to and subscribed before me this 24th day of August, 1960. [SEAL] ELISABETH H. BELKNAP, Notary Public Notary Public, State of Florida at Large (My commission expires November 17, 1963) Bonded by American Fire & Casualty Co.

THE LIPSTICK EXPLOSION 111 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED J^HE CONCLUSION is inescapable," Albert Florian said. "Someone in this club has been murdering its members." Which one of you two—besides me—has been murdering members of this club, I wondered fretfully. "When we organized in 1946, there, were a round dozen of us," Florian said. "For thirteen years we met annually on the twentieth day of October. But now we discover that within the space of one year nine of our members have met with fatal accidents." He regarded Ger­ ald Evans and me rather severely, "I believe that we all agree that this looks a bit suspicious." Evans and I nodded. We three were in one of the pri­ vate dining rooms at Blutow's on Sixth Street for our annual meeting. This year one of the restaurant's smallest rooms proved adequate. Florian ticked off the fatalities. "Carson, Abnernathy, and Terwil- iiger met with automobile acci­ dents." I had,'arranged two of those. Car­ son and Abernathy both had homes at the tops of hills with delightfully suitable winding and precipitous roads leading to their bases. A sim­ ple adjustment upon the steering apparatus of their respective auto-- mobiles and they descended neatly

112 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED To ma\e a club extremely exclusive, curtail its membership. This may be accomplished by destroying those individuals found to be in excess, a method that has much in its favor: (1) The members ousted in this way won't complain. (2) A refund of paid dues u/ill riot be requested. and quickly from garage to eternity. himself while cleaning his gun." But who had disposed of Terwil- Florian shook his head slowly. "But liger ? It was a puzzler indeed. we all know that he was deathly "Phelps fell or jumped from the afraid of firearms and would never roof of a ten story building." allow any of them in his home." Do you realize how few—if any My plans had called for him to —^windows of^ modern air-condi­ fall off a cliff near his house. Really tioned buildings are actually meant a beautiful view. to be opened ? I had to carry Phelps "Llewellyn walked into a train." all the way to the roof before I could Not my work. dispose of him. I suffered an excru­ "Naison was struck on the top of ciating backache for weeks. the head by a rivet as he took his "Schaller was electrocuted when constitutional past an apartment his radio fell into his bathtub." building under construction." Flor-

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Now that could have been an ac- ian showed teeth. "It was dusk and cident. However I know that Schal- no work was at the moment in ler had no use for tubs. He was a progress, but nevertheless the only shower man. conclusion the police could come to "Wentworth accidentally shot was that it was an accident." 9 FROM 12 LEAVES 3 113 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I wondered how that had been lonely grandeur. Providing, of done. Did the murderer lurk high course, that his stomach had not so in the scaffolding, rivet poised be­ aged that the feat was impossible. tween thumb and forefinger, wait­ And we chose a centrally located ing for the appropriate moment? city as our meeting ground. "And Dodsworth fell off the If we had left it at that, presuma­ dock at his summer cottage and bly most, if not all of us, would drowned." have been alive to attend our four­ A direct crib from my plans, I teenth meeting. thought indignantly. I too knew However, we realized that time that Dodsworth couldn't swim. has a tendency to alter one's eco­ Florian pointed to the unopened nomic status, possibly for the worse, magnum in a place of honor in the and so each' one of us contributed center of the table. "Now "obviously five hundred dollars of our accrued our club members were not elimi­ pay toward a fund to be used to de­ nated in order to gain possession of fray travel expenses for those of us that bottle." who might need it. Obviously not. A formal agreement Was drafted In 1946, all twelve of us were jun­ which stipulated that besides the ior officers on the cruiser Spokane champagne, the last survivor would —united by our reserve status also inherit what remained of the among the trade school boys and fund. the prospect of impending discharge If anything did rerriain. from active service. And that specifically accounted, It followed that we should gather for the present depleted state of our together for a misty party of fare­ club. well before we scattered to various At the suggestion of Terwilliger, parts of the States. As the evening an investment man, who could not became wetter, our regrets at the tolerate the idea of idle money, our possibility of our never seeing each six thousand dollars had been in­ other again became unendurable vested. and the inevitable annual reunion Terwilliger had chosen stocks in was suggested. an insignificant little oil company. The bourbon was excellent and The company is no longer insig­ the suggestion blossomed until we nificant and the share's were now found ourselves in the throes of a worth almost a million dollars. Last Man Club. Florian regarded me. for a mo­ The terms were the usual. The ment. "I rather suspect that you're last survivor of our group would the murderer, Henry. You're the have the honor of drinking our duly only Harvard man among us." dedicated bottle of champagne in "It's remarkable that the police

114 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE. LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED haven't gotten suspicious," Evans murdered.? A chilling prospect I" said. "We're safe nowhere," Evans Evans fancies himself an artist; agreed. I've seen some of his paintings and Florian nodded. "Not even in while I am not a master of judg­ our bathtubs." ment in matters aesthetic, I do re­ We smoked our cigars. flect that he is indeed fortunate that "Are we agreed that the motive he does not have to pursue art for for the murders is money?" Florian a living. He boasts of an inherit­ asked after awhile. ance. Evans and I nodded. "These 'accidents,'" Florian said, After several puffs of his cigar, "occurred in widely separated points Evans said, "I am an artist and of this country. Evidently no one therefore above money. Besides that, but us knows that there is a con­ I have four hundred thousand, give necting link between them all." or take a few dollars." "Why don't we call them to the "Ordinarily I would say that my attention of the authorities.'"' I sug- assets are my own business," Flor­ -gested. Naturally I wasn't serious. ian offered. "However under the But I was interested in seeing which circumstances I am willing to admit one of them would object. to being worth close to a quarter of "That could present some diffi­ a million." culties," Florian said. "Suppose the "I have some five hundred thou­ heirs of the nine untimely deceased sand in shipping," I said. went to court, claiming that in the Actually my checking account course of normal longevity they showed less than a thousand. I did might eventually have gained pos­ have a spot of family money three session of the million. It could lead years ago, but I had invested heav­ to an anarchy of lawsuits." ily in Taliaferro Transit. I should "Couldn't we just call this whole have known better. The Board of thing quits.''" Evans asked. "Dis­ Directors was solid Princeton. solve the club and divide the fund A thought seemed to strike Flor­ three ways.?" ian. "By George, but we are safe Florian is a lawyer. He shook his from murder." head gloomily. "As a labor of love, I failed to see that. I made the provisions of our club Florian smiled. "Don't you see, absolutely iron-clad. In the event we the murderer doesn't dare strike dissolved the club, the fund would again." go to the Yale Alumni Society." "Why not.?" I shuddered. That stipulation had "Because if he murders once been entered without my knowl­ more, that will leave just two peo­ edge. "Then must we all wait to be ple in the club." 9 FROM 12 LEAVES 3 115

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "I admire your arithmetic," I said. may kill two instead of one. That's "However " something we've overlooked." Florian held up a hand. "Of the We all agreed that we had. two survivors, one is the murderer We adjourned our meeting short­ and one isn't." ly after dinner. "Granted." I drove back to my hotel, walked "And in that case," Florian con­ upstairs to my room, and locked the tinued, "The one who isn't the mur^ door. I lit a cigar and proceeded to derer will immediately be forced to think. flee to the police. It is a naked mat­ Florian had been right. I would ter of survival. He cannot sit about have to murder him and Evans, but waiting to be murdered." that presented a difficulty. Florian rubbed his hands. "The Which one of them should I mur-. murderer will be convicted and ex­ der first? ecuted and therefore the lone survi­ If I disposed of my competing vor will inherit the entire fund. murderer, the survivor would im­ Plus the champagne." mediately rush to the police. I cer­ "What about the anarchy of law­ tainly could not have that. suits }" Evans asked. However if I first got rid of the "I'm sure the survivor would risk one of us who. was pure as the snow, them rather than his life," Florian then my opposite number certainly said. He beamed. "I think that could not go rushing to the police. bringing this out into the open has His accidents certainly could not been salubrious. The murderer is bear the scrutiny of the police either. stymied. He cannot act again." And that would leave just the Evans nodded. "He murders at two of us—cautious and wary—but his peril. I had every faith that I would tri­ "We'll go on attending these re­ umph in the finals. , unions year after year," Florian said But which one of them was the enthusiastically. "Who knows how murderer.' Evans or Florian? long that will be." Could I get them together and dis­ "Fifty years," Evans said. "We ail patch them as one? I did not see look healthy." how. "And perhaps the murderer will Momentarily I thought of mur­ be the last to, die," I added somberly. dering from the viewpoint of "There's also this tragic possibil­ availability. I knew where Flor­ ity," Florian said. "Why can't the ian would be tonight. He was the two of us that are innocent run to only one of us who made his home the police, revealing that, the one in this city. Evans undoubtedly was remaining is the murderer. And so, at a hotel, but I hadn't the faintest to protect himself, the murderer idea which one.

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED But I rejected that course o£ ac­ tion. No man in his right mind,, tion. There was a fifty-fifty chance and with money, would stay in a that I might be kiUing the wrong place'like that. man first. Not very good odds after I was about to start my car again all the work I'd done. and return to my hotel, when I saw The motive for the decimation of Evans leaving the Fraidlie House. our club was money, but how to He carried no luggage, so he discover which one of those two couldn't possibly be returning to did not actually have any.? Minneapohs. He had the collar of A sudden thought came to me. his topcoat turned up; his move­ Perhaps there was a way. Not de­ ments were quick, furtive. Was it finitive, but I had to do something. possible, I wondered, that tonight I consulted the yellow pages of he might . . .? the telephone book and winced He hailed a passing cab. when I discovered that there were I started my car and followed at some ninety-three hotels Usted. I a discreet distance. sighed, picked up the phone, and His taxi went down the avenue attacked the columns alphabetically, and turned onto the lake front hoping fervently that Evans was drive. After about four miles south, not at the Zymmerman Arms. the road turned slightly inland and Fortunately for my patience, I we were in a district of fine homes found that he was registered at the —semi-estates, actually, each with Fraidlie House. The clerk inquired four or five acres of land. This was whether I wanted his room rung, the area in which Florian lived. but I demurred. Knowing where I smiled. It did look as though he was was sufficient for my pur­ Evans were going to get rid of Flor­ poses. ian tonight. I had no objections. It I am not familiar with this city would save me work. nor the status of its hotels, so I left Evans' taxi stopped directly in to investigate farther. front of Florian's home. The Fraidlie House proved to be Really now! That wasn't particu­ not much more than a rat-trap in larly intelligent. a dilapidated neighborhood. The Evans was paying the driver as chill of evening made it appear even I passed. I drove on a bit, frowning. worse. Why, it was hardly better I remembered some of the previous than the miserable place where I accidents - Evans had arranged. was registered. Good heavens, I thought, he could I smiled. At least that settled that. bungle the whole thing—and at this Evans was the other murderer. His stage we certainly did not want a story about having four hundred police investigation of any sort. thousand dollars was pure fabrica- I made a U-turn and drove back. 9 FROM 12 LEAVES 3 117

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I stopped a good five hundred feet What in the world do you think beyond Florian's place and then you're doing?" walked back. The street was dimly Evans lowered the poker. "I was lit and deserted. just about to bash Florian over the I had been a guest at Florian's head." home some years back and I remem­ "Is that your idea of an accident?" bered his house as a two story af-, I demanded sternly. fair, spacious, but with the quarters Evans shifted uncomfortably. "I for the servants—a butler, a chauf­ thought it would look as though an feur, a cook, and a maid, married intruder had murdered Florian. I couples—over the four car garage. was going to empty his wallet and It was only ten in the evening, allthat sort of thing." but the Hying quarters over the ga-. "Do you want the police to in­ rage were dark and the only light vestigate?" from the house came from Florian's He looked at the floor. "Well, no. study. But I've run out of ideas." I glanced about, determining I examined Florian and deter­ again that I was unobserved, and mined that he was indeed in a thor­ then slipped into the grounds. I ough alcoholic sleep, and not likely made my way toward the light. to be revived by anything short of The French doors were slightly an earthquake. I spoke in normal ajar and I peered inside the room. tones. "Right befere you, Evans, Florian lay on the couch, his face you have the instrument for an ideal flushed, and he was snoring loudly. accident." A portable gas heater burned near He looked about helplessly. "I his feet, and beside him on the floor don't see what you mean, Henry." stood an almost empty whiskey bot­ "The gas heater," I explained pa­ tle and a glass. tiently. And far in the back of my And standing over him, clumsily mind, the question arose as to what gripping a fireplace poker, stood a gas heater was doing in a home Evans. He closed his eyes, raised of this sort. "We simply extinguish the poker, and gave every indicadon the flame of the heater. In a few of being about to strike. hours Florian should be dead. The I stepped swiftly into the room. police will assume that Florian "Hold on!" either forgot to light the heater or Evans stopped his swing in mid­ that it went out by itself." air, opened his eyes, and blinked. Evans looked at me with admira­ "Is that you, Henry?" tion. "You're really much cleverer "Yes, it's me," I whispered sav­ than I am, Henry. I'm not practical agely. "And keep your voice' down. at all. Are you the other murderer?" Do you want to wake Florian? I was aghast. "Didn't you know?"

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED He shook his head. "I just tossed handkerchief and he raised quite a a coin. I've always been pretty bit of dust as he wiped here and lucky." there. • It was incredible! He could have When he was through, I extin­ ruined everything if he'd murdered guished the flame of the heater. The me instead. gas began to hiss into the room. "Henry," Evans asked. "How did "Let's go," I said. ~ you know that I was the other mur­ Evans used his handkerchief to derer.?" pick up the phone. "Simple. I merely ferreted out the "What are you doing?". I de­ hotel at which you were staying. manded. The Fraidlie House is a building He seemed surprised at the tone in a complete state of disintegration. , of my voice. "I'm calling a taxi." Therefore it followed that you have I closed my eyes. He was pretty no money for better accommoda­ pathetic. "I'll drive you," I said. tions. Circumstances forced you to . On the lake drive, with Florian's choose that particular residence." home a good two miles behind us, Evans thought about that. "But I felt more at ease. "How did you I do have money. Four hundred get Schaller to electrocute himself thousand or so." in his tub?" I swallowed. "But that hotel "I visited him one night and we . . ..?" had a few drinks. I put something "It's in the center of the art col­ into one of his and when he passed ony," Evans said. "I wanted to be out, I undressed him and put him near the people I love." in his tub. I filled it, and then "But then what is your motive for dropped in the radio." killing.?" That was about the way I had "Money, of course." figured it. "But you blundered "But you already have four hun­ when you shot Wentworth. If the dred thousand." police had discovered that he was "It isn't exactly for myself. I want afraid of firearms you could have to erect an arts building in Minne­ ruined everything." apolis. The Evans Art Center. That "I'm sorry," he said contritely. would require at least a million dol­ "But I'm not too good at this sort lars and I don't have that much." of thing." I sighed and then looked about "How did you manage to drop the room. "Wipe your fingerprints that rivet on Naison's head? Surely from that poker and put it back. you didn't climb up on the scaf­ And also remove any other prints folding and . . .?" you may have left in the room." "No. I put a wallet on the side­ I watched him go about with a walk in front of the building being 9 FROM 12 LEAVES 3 119 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED erected. When Naison came along place in an extremely.opulent home. he bent down to pick it up. At that After awhile, Evans voiced our point I.shot-a rivet from a slingshot mutual discovery. "So Florian got and hit him on the top of the head. rid. of Terwilliger, Llewellyn, and To the police it looked as though Dodsworth. Evidently he needed the thing had fallen from the build- the fund too." ing." And what now? I thought. I had to admit that was ingen­ Evans was thinking of that too. ious. "And I suppose you altered "I suppose I'll have to kill you," he the steering mechanism on Terwil- said. "I really regret that, Henry, liger's car so that he would have his but I do think that Minneapolis accident?" needs an art center." Evans shook his head. "No. • We were in the traffic of the ave­ Didn't you.?". nue now. Yes, I thought, I would I rubbed my jaw. "That could have to kill Evans, unless. . . . have been an authentic accident. I It was ridiculous . . . but still suppose you struck Llewellyn over . . . considering Evans' mental the head and then put his body on equipment . . . those railroad tracks.?" "Evans," I said. "I don't believe Evans looke'd at me. "No." it'll be necessary for each of us to We were silent for a while, and try to kill the other." then Evans said, "Of course you "Really?" he asked hopefully. pushed Dodsworth off his dock.?" I nodded. "We can split the fund." "No." "But that's impossible. Florian We drove on for half a mile. said our charter terms were absc^- "Dodsvvorth was the last to go, lutelv unbreakable." besides Florian, I mean," Evans "There is another way. I will said. "And so if you didn't . . . and write a suicide note and leave it, I didn't . . .?" along with my coat perhaps, on a I remembered the dust Evans had conveniently high bridge. The po­ raised when he was wiping his fin­ lice will assume that I jumped off, gerprints off various surfaces. I was drowned, and that my body spoke more or less to myself. "One floated out into the lake." does not have a dusty house when Evans considered that. "And one has four servants." then when I inherit the fund, I split . Evans nodded slowly. "// one still it with you?" has four servants." « "Well, not exactly. You see I will I also remembered the dark serv­ have to disappear. Leave the coun­ ants' quarters over the garage. And try, as a matter of fact. It would be it had been only ten o'clock. And inconvenient and dangerous to our the gas heater—certainly out of plan for me to reappear for my

120 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED share. I have a much better idea." cret. Don't tell your lawyers why Evans waited expectantly. you're converting your assets to "You say that you have some four cash." hundred thousand dollars. Why not "Of course not," Evans said stif­ :onvert that into cash, give it to me, fly. "Do you think I'm a fool.?" ind then I will disappear. You will It took Evans two months to inherit the entire fund." make the conversion to cash. I ac­ Evans looked vaguely dubious. cepted the money, arranged my sui­ "I'm perfectly willing to settle for cide, and moved to Mexico. Eour hundred thousand," I said. Evans inherited the fund, but I'm "Even though my honest share afraid that he was in for a bit of a should be half a million. You may shock. consider the extra hundred thou­ Really, it is criminal how little the sand my contribution to your art government left poor Evans. Some­ center." thing in the neighborhood of two Evans beamed. "That's awfully hundred thousand, I believe. decent of you, Henry. I'll name one And I, of course, had four hun­ of the galleries in your honor." dred thousand intact. "Small bills, please," I said. "But Dead men do not pay inheritance remember that this is our little se­ taxes.

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SEE PAGES 76 AND 77 <- FROM 12 LEAVES 3 121 LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED BT'S a questior. of legs," Hart said. He leaned forward in the narrow booth and the table edge cut into his paunch. Skinner, sitting oppo­ site with a knuckle in his mouth, looked at Hart's fleshy middle and didn't feel so inferior anymore. Okay, so he was driving a cab and Hart's suit had cloth that was soft as silk, but Skinner still had a lean, hard body inside his workclothes. He was in shape, including legs. "My legs are fine," he said casu­ ally. "Only what's that got to do

122 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED hy O.H' Leslie with anything? What's the pitch?" Peace said, with an attempt at cam­ "Stanley will tell you," Hart said. araderie. "Sure nice to see you He looked at the costly watch on again. Hey, they still call you that, his pliimp wrist. "He'll be here any Speedy, I mean?" minute." Skinner flushed. The red tint, "Look, I got to put some time on under his blond crewcut, made him the hack—" look High School age again. "Naw," "A minute, a little minute," Hart he said. grinned. Skinner hadn't seen him Peace slid into the booth beside in almost seven years, not since they Hart. "You earned the name, pal, stood in the same line at the gradu­ you really did. I ain't never seen ation exercises o£ Montgomery anybody run like you could. What High. In seven years. Hart had was that mile record of yours?" gained weight and affluence. Skin­ "It was 4:10, but that was only the ner didn't know how, but if Stan­ school record. It was the 220-yard ley Peace was his partner, he could dash I made my big record." make a good guess. Peace hadn't "Sure, sure," Peace said vaguely, stood in the graduating line; a year snapping his fingers at a waiter. before, he had made a scholastic "Hey, how about some coffee switch, to the county reform school. here?" "There he comes!" Hart said. "I did the two-twenty in under Skinner looked up as Peace came twenty-four seconds. That was the through the restaurant's revolving year Bragg made the A.A.U. mark, doors. Peace was a thin, round- twenty-one point one. I almost made shouldered man with his small the State scholastic championship, head perpetually cocked to one side, but Lester Arnow beat me out by as if he was listening for something. two seconds. Can you imagine Usually, he was. He could hear the that? Two lousy seconds!" squeak of a cop's shoe at fifty yards. "Yeah," Hart chuckled. "I "Welli if it ain't Speedy Skinner," thought sure you had him, Speedy.

The problem of our story is precisely one hundred and fifty yards in in length, but our hero is a mere five-foot-nine—or there­ abouts. This disparity mal{es for an underdog, u/hich in turn stimulates interest and creates drama.

FASTER THAN AN HONEST MAN

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED I never liked that stuffed shirt Les­ it's foolproof. The payoff's big. You ter Arnow." interested or not?" "Whatever happened to him, any- - "How can I tell?" . way?" Peace said. Peace nodded understandingly, "I dunno," Skinner said gruffly. and then bent closer. "He's probably some big-shot exec­ "You know the Trittyi Tool utive by now. He was the type." Works? Sure, everybody in town "Yeah, I know what you mean. knows it. I used to work there my­ And what are you doing these self, summers. Hart here, he's been days ?" Peace said slyly. working there past two months, in "Me ? I'm driving a cab." the maintenance department, just to Peace closed his eyes and smiled. figure out the setup." "Lester Arnow's a big shot, and "It's a beaut," Hart grinned, "The you're driving a hack. Guess he beat sweetest payroll heist yet." you out again, didn't he ?" "Payroll?" Skinner clenched his fists on the "A hundred fifty grand, at least," table. "Look, you guys got.some­ Peace said. "They bring it in by ar­ thing on your mind, let's hear it. mored car the first of every month." I.know you looked me up for a He took a folded square of paper reason." from his pocket; it had been creased "Sure we did, Speedy. Fifty thou^ so often that it was as soft as a towel. sand reasons." Skinner looked at the crude dia­ "Huh?" gram, but couldn't make sense out "Fifty grand. Speedy. How'd you of it. Peace explained, spreading like to make that kind of money?" the paper flat and pointing, "This Skinner paled, and the loss of whole area here is the front yard of color made him look older again. the factory. It's a real big yard, may­ "You mean a robbery?" he whis­ be five hundred^feet across; they pered. "Is that what you guys are used to park cars here until they talking about?" bought the lot on the other side. "You know about me and Hart, Now the whole thing's fenced in; Speedy, don't look so surprised. If you can't get an auto anyplace near you're not interested, no hard feel­ the main building. That's why we ings. We'll just make some other got to do this different." guy rich." '^Different?" "But why me?" Skinner asked. "I'll explain in a minute. Now "I never buddied with you two in this here's the front gate where the school. Why pick on me ?" workers come in, and this here's the "It's a question of legs," Hart side gate; that's where the execu­ said. "I told you." tives come in. Understand?" Peace said: "The job's fast and "I guess so."

124 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED "Now there's one time when that to have identification if you're—" dough is out in the open, and that's "You'll use Hart's badge. He on paydays. They take it out of the won't be working that day; he'll be safe and put it into Uttle envelopes; sitting in a car by the side gate, with Triton Hkes to pay off in cash. Hart me. Nobody'11 stop you; they got checked the time for five weeks, new workers reporting into the fac­ and it's always on the button—ten- tory every day. I'm telling you, fifteen, every Friday morning, Wcx- Speedy, the whole thing is a cinch ler the paymaster, and three old —for a guy like you, who can run." dames, lock themselves in the office "I can't run faster than a bullet and start counting it out." » "But if they lock the door—" "There won't be any bullets," "It won't be locked on the day we Hart said. "Old man Wexler could­ do the job, "Peace said.. "Hart's n't fire a gun if he had one. All you gonna fix that, right.''" got to do is run like hell." "You bet," Hart said. "See, I'm "Fifty grand," Peace said dream­ on the maintenance crew, Speedy, ily. "You could kiss that hack good­ I can make a routine check of the bye. You could get yourself a fleet doors the day before. I'll fix that n lock so that one good shove will "Sorry," Skinner said. "It's not open it. You won't have any trou­ for me." ble." "What'd I tell you?" Peace said "Me.?" Skinner said. contemptuously. "I told you he "Only a guy like you could do it," couldn't run no more. Hart." Peace said soothingly. "It won't be "It's not that—" any trick to get the money bag; old "Sure, we know. It's your wind. man Wexler will be too scared to That's why you let Lester Arnow put up an argument. But the tough beat you." Peace laughed, and part is getting out with it; like I dropped a dollar on the table. said, we can't park a getaway car "Game on, Hart, let's beat it." He near the office. Somebody's gotta stood up, and touched Skinner's run with it." shoulder. "If you change your "It's a good hundred and fifty mind, Speedy, give Hart a call at yards from the payroll office to the the Palace Hotel." side gate," Hart said. "The main "I won't change my mind," Skin­ gate is closer, but it's always shut ner said. up tight by that time." But that night, he called Hart and "Oh, no," Skinner said. "I'm not did. taking that kind of risk, not for a million bucks. Besides, how would I even get into the place.'' You got On Saturday morning, Skinner

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LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED woke at six, put on a sweatshirt, the plan again, carefully, step by khaki pants, and a pair of track step. Skinner had heard it so often shoes. He took a bus to Green Park by then that he was sick of it; but at the edge of town. It was still early he was even sicker when Peace enough for the park to be deserted; handed him the small revolver that only the birds and squirrels saw was part of the action. him pace off a hundred yards on "It ain't loaded," Peace said. the empty ballfield, and then race "Don't be scared of it. Speedy, the distance with all the speed he, we're not taking any risks." could muster. He was puffing hard "I'm not scared," Skinner gulped, by. the time he reached the imagi-. pocketing the gun. "You sure about nary finish line, but he was satisfied that door, Hart.?" with the way his legshad behaved. "Positive. One good push does it. On Sunday morning, he went Just act fast; shove that gun at Wex- out on another field trial, and his ler and grab for the bag. But make speed was even better. He was sure you get there at ten-fifteen, on pleased with himself; he had the nose." dreams all week, about the State "How's the wind?" Peace track event back in High School; grinned. only this time, he breasted the tape ahead of Arnow. On Wednesday morning, they Skinner's wind wasn't so good tested half of the scheine. Skinner when the alarm woke him on Fri­ took Hart's identification badge, day morning. He knew it was only put on a pair of grimy coveralls, a quirk of his nervous system; he and reported to the Triton Tool had felt the same shortness of Company. The guard at the main breath on the day of every race. gate didn't blink an eye. Skinner When he reported at the main wandered around the buildings for gate of the Triton Company, his a while, and then strolled casually heart was thumping violently un- about the front yard. It was just as - der the big metal badge that identi­ Peace had described it; he could fied him as a member of the main­ see the window of the payroll office, tenance department. This time, the and the old guy at the front desk. guard at the gate even nodded fa­ He- measured the distance between miliarly to him. He moved along the office and the sidegate with his with the tide of employees entering eye; it wasn't more than a hundred the main factory building, but de­ and fifty yards. It wasn't going to tached himself before he reached be hard. the time clocks. There was a men's On Thursday night, the trio met room at the end of a long corridor; in Hart's hotel room and went over he went inside and locked himself

126 ALFRED HITCHCOCK'S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED in a booth until five ininutes of ten. and pushed. It resisted for a mo­ Then he came out, and went to the ment, and Skinner almost panicked. front yard. Then he puslf^d again, and it gave There were two men in mufti inward. strolHng about, both gray-haired The old paymaster looked up and paunchy; they looked like com­ with an expression that was more pany executives on a tour of inspec­ indignant than surprised or fright­ tion. Skinner started to sweat inside ened. Skinner fumbled in his right the unfamiliar coveralls; then he hand pocket and produced the gun. got the idea of picking up a'loose The woman in the office gave a two-by-four and parading through short, sharp scream, and Skinner the yard with it. The prop made snapped: him feel more authentic; he even "Everybody shut up! You hear whistled as he passed the execu­ me? Hand over that bag, you!" tives, who didn't give him a passing "I can't!" the old man gasped. glance. "It's our payroll!" At fiye minutes past ten, the gray- "That's what I want," Skinner haired types went into the admin­ growled. "Hand it over!" istration building. Skinner, alone "Mr. Wexler!" the woman whim­ in the empty yard, began to feel pered. conspicuous. He leaned the two-by- "Give it to me!" four against the brick wall, and The old man handed it over re­ stooped down to tie his shoelace. luctantly; Skinner grabbed it and Then he began walking across the was startled at its weight. It was a yard, slowly, giving Wexler, the good twelve pounds; it would be a paymaster, plenty of time. He put handicap, but he could manage it. his hand in his pocket, and felt the "Don't make a sound," he said, cold muzzle of the small revolver. backing towards the door. "If any­ It wasn't quite ten-fifteen when body chases me, I'll shoot!" he neared the payroll office, but luck Then he was out of the doorway. was with him. Wexler had started He slammed the door shut, and early; he was bending over and started to run. twirling the knob of the chunky of­ Speedy! Speedy! Yay, yay, yay! fice safe. It was like seven years ago. He Skinner kept on coming; his tim­ could almost hear the ocean roar of ing was perfect. At the very mo­ the crowd. He could feel his legs ment when he was within fingertip pumping beautifully. He could feel distance of the doorknob, Wexler the sun on his face, hear the wind was lifting the heavy black bag out whistling by his ears. Behind him, of the safe. he was conscious of other feet He put his hand on the door knob, pounding after him on the con- FASTER THAN AN HONEST MAN 127

LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED Crete pavement of the factory yard, dough. That's my salary in there—" but they were leaden feet and his Skinner stared at him, and recog­ were winged. He sa\* the side gate nition came slowly. The man's hair ahead of him, more desirable than was darker, and there was less of it. any tape he ever wanted to reach, The chin was dominant, and still and he knew he was running the determined. He hadn't gained any race of his life.. Faster and faster, weight since school days, and that wishing he could be timed, wish­ made it easier to remember Lester ing his feat could be recorded in Arnow, the track champion. the annals of the sport forever . . . "Arnow," he groaned. "Lester Speedy!,Speedy. Yay, yay, y— Arnow! What are you doing He was tackled from behind! here.?"- He saw the concrete rise up, and "I work here," Arnow said stiff­ managed to twist his body to meet ly. "I'm a departrnent manager. it with his shoulder. The impact What's wrong with that ?" knocked the last bit of wind out of Then there, were others sur­ his lungs. He tried to get up and rounding him, picking up the run again, but his legs were pinned. money first and Skinner second; He cried out in disbeUef; he had vaguely, he heard them talking never run so well before. How about the two men who had been could this happen ? apprehended by company guards He twisted his head around. The outside the gate. But he didn't care young man who was holding his about the fate of Peace and Hart— ankles looked at him, and gri­ or about his own. He didn't even maced. care about the payroll. All he cared . "Sorry, buster," he panted. "I about was the fact that he had come couldn't let you get away with our in second again.

And now that you have finished reading Alfred Hitchcoc](s Mystery Magazine, how did you liJ{e it? I should also be very interested to receive your reactions to the stories in it. Write to me c/o Suite 105, Lal^eview Building, North Palm Beach, Florida.

128 ALFRED HITCHCOCK S MYSTERY MAGAZINE

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INCLUDING 6 Perry Mason MYSTERIES BY ERLE STANLEY GARDNER ERE'S a treat for armchair de­ Many are members themselves! H tectives! You get the SIX Club selections are ALL newly latest Perry Mason bafflers by published books. As a member, Erie Stanley Gardner, the "King you get THREE of them com­ of Mystery Writers"! Each is a plete in one handsomely-bound full-size, full-length, hard-cover triple-volume (an $8.50 to $9.50 edition. YOU ALSO GET THREE MORE brand-new top-notch value) for only $2.29. mystery thrillers by famous au­ Take ONLY The. Books You Want thors-all complete In one hand­ You do NOT have to take a some hard-cover triple-volume. volume every month. You receive These NINE masterpieces are a free copy of the Club's "Pre­ worth $27.35 — but they're yours view" which will fully describe for only $2.29! all coming selections and you may reject any volume before or We make this liberal offer to after receiving it. NO money in introduce you to the many ad­ advance; NO membership fees. vantages of membership in The You may cancel membership any­ Detective Book Club. time you please. The Best NEW Mysferies — for LESS than 80t each.' SEND NO MONEY Out of the 300 or more new de­ Mail Postcard for tective books that come out every ALL SEVEN Volumes year, the Club selects the very Simply mail postcard promptly "cream of the crop" — by out­ and we will send you at once standing authors like Erie Stan­ the SIX complete Perry Mason ley Gardner, Agatha Christie, thrillers-PLUS.the exciting new Clarence-^ Budington Kelland, triple-volume described on other Mignon Eberhart, and Anthony side. Clip the valuable postcard Gilbert. All THESE and many now, and mail it AT ONCE,to: ;other famous authors have had THE DETECTIVE BOOK ClUB their books selected by the Club. Roslyn, L. I., New York SEND NO MONEY - JUST MAIL POSTCARD ^2-217

THE DETECTIVE BOOK CLUB NC Roslyn, L. I., New York Please enroU me as a member and send me the SIX tull-slze, hard-bound editions of Perry Mason thrillers, PLUS the brand-new triple-volume Club selection. Although worth $27.35 I may keep all these books for only $2.29 (plus a few cents mailing charge) on this sensational intraductory offer. If not completely satisfied after one week's examination 'I may return all books and owe nothing. I am not obligated to take any speclflc number of books, and I am to receive advance "Previews" of all future selections. Also, I may reject any volume before or after I receive it, and I may cancel my membership whenever I wish. I need send no money now, but for each future Club triple-volume I keep I will send you the low price of only $2.29 (plus a few cents mailing charge), as complete payment within a week. (Books MAIL THIS shipped in U.S.A. only.) POSTCARD NOW Mr FOR YOUR Mrs (PLEASE PRINT PLAINLY) INE MYSTERIES Misss ) Address. NO POSTAGE NEEDED LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG ELECTRONICCity REPRODUCTION PROHIBITEDZone State. KMimvrcu jv^ BURR U •'Perry kR Mason.'.' on SS CBS-TV, W-a*' w o n T V tt Glitde 's ^ Award as ^/ "Most Popular Male Personality."

The Cose of tK'e WAYLArD WOLF Her.e's Perry's lati case — what a-baf it is! When he* he pretty Arlene Per fight for her life, also fights for • 1 OWN. life! ' The Case of the' SINGING.SKiRT'. A -luscious. yo,u gambling hostfiss-'g Perry into such 1 water that the D charges him with .1 Ing an accessory murder!^ The Case of the ' WYTHICAL . mONKEYS^ A .Winter's, eve with corpse iri-,a- remc cabin. Perry 'hasn't ©ySlNESS- ISEPILY "M'KDL-, ghost of a chance First Cluss Permit No 47 — Roslyn, N. Y. solving THIS murd( The Case, of the © ' DEADLY TOY A routine "crank*.' I vestlgatlon -leads to warrant for Perr; arrt'st — 'on" a Ki: DETE€TIVE BOOK CLUB NAPPING charge! .TKe Cose of,the © CALENDAR GIRL \l Roslyn, L. I. After Perry builds air-tight murder C£ against her, Da\ Manning wants HI New York to be HER. lawyer I LICENSED TO UNZ.ORG — See other sicf( ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED IfZSl •,^^*^,