MOMMYBLOGS AS A FEMINIST ENDEAVOUR?

By

SUZETTE BONDY-MEHRMANN

Integrated Studies Project

submitted to Dr. Cathy Bray in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of

Master of Arts – Integrated Studies

Athabasca, Alberta

October, 2011

Table of Contents

Abstract ………………………………………………………………….3

Introduction………………………………………………………………4

Defining my variables and situating myself in the research……………...4

What does it mean to espouse feminist principles online?...... 6

Method for studying mommyblogs……………………………………....7

Background and review of the literature………………………………....7

Analysis and discussion…………………………………………………14

Future directions………………………………………………………...17

Conclusion………………………………………………………………18

Works cited……………………………………………………………..20

Appendix 1: Study of Breastfeeding by Suzette Bondy-Mehrmann ……………………………………………………...22

Appendix 2: Examples of Mommyblogs ………………………………35 Abstract

It is important for feminist researchers to pay attention to new venues where women are creating and sharing knowledge. In the case of this paper we are looking at mothers online and the venue is the mamasphere, the virtual space where mothers are exchanging information through blogs. In interacting in this manner, however, are women engaging in a feminist endeavour? I approached this question through an interdisciplinary review of the research and writing available on mommyblogs against a backdrop of feminist theory of motherhood and by adding the findings from my own research on mommyblogs about breastfeeding. My findings indicate that aspects of mommyblogs in their current form do or could support feminist thinking but these are overshadowed by limitations to feminist ideals such as dominance of more privileged mothers’ opinions, reinforcement of cultural assumptions and intolerance rather than support for different mothering choices. This research concludes that rather than prescribing conventions for mommyblogs, being aware of how the mamasphere operates in favour or against feminist principles through diffusion of information from research such as this one is the best way for mothers online to be empowered by blogs.

3 Introduction

“This website chronicles my life from a time when I was single and making a lot of money as a web designer in , to when I was dating the man who would become my husband, to when I lost my job and lived life as an unemployed drunk, to when I married my husband and moved to my mother's basement in , to when I became pregnant, to when I threw up and became unbearably swollen during the pregnancy, to the birth, to the aftermath, to the postpartum depression that landed me in a psyche ward. I’m better now.” – Heather B. Armstrong, famous mommyblogger.

As feminist scholars, it is important to pay attention to new areas where women are active, in this case, the blogosphere. I am interested in exploring what mommyblogs like Ms. Armstrong’s are all about. Are they self-indulgence as some critics claim? A way to reclaim motherhood from dominant media images of bliss and self-sacrifice? Or are they possibly a vehicle through which the dominant privileged group of mothers are disseminating their version of motherhood? By taking into account many different views on mommyblogs and guided by feminist theory this research probes the question of whether mommyblogs are or could be considered a feminist endeavour.

Defining my variables and situating myself in the research.

“Mommy blogs in general tend to be everyday diaries of details one might share over coffee” (Sue Shellenbarger).

Whereas only a decade ago the Internet was a place where companies and institutions sought to have a presence for marketing, promotion or cost savings in providing services, nowadays it is private individuals who are increasingly seeking a presence online to post about their lives, thoughts, and topics which they feel strongly about. A method of doing this which has become quite popular is the , “a website comprised of regularly updated chronological entries” (Fleming 1). In this project I will be looking at a specific subset of blogs referred to as “mommyblogs”. A “mommyblog” is a blog where people interact around what is culturally defined as topics which fall into the realm of motherhood (see Appendix 2 for examples of mommyblogs).

Mommyblogs might take the form of a traditional blog which is a regularly updated,

4 public journal maintained by a person. Mommyblogs can also be forums or online

Cafés where many different readers or “bloggers” can start and contribute to discussion threads. They can also be sites where articles related to motherhood have generated an online discussion through comments left by readers. The area on the Internet where bloggers are active has been termed “the blogosphere” and mommybloggers have moulded this term into “the mamasphere” to designate their space.

I myself am not an avid reader of blogs, nor do I maintain a blog of my own. I became interested in this topic through an Athabasca course supporting the use of

Social Media Tools such as blogs in learning. A number of co-students were avid bloggers and were very enthusiastic about blogs as a new and better way to receive our information which redistributes power from the dominant media institutions back to everyday people. Based on my feminist studies at Athabasca, I was somewhat suspicious of these claims because I do not feel that blogs, as I began to experience and learn about them, fulfilled important feminist goals such as inclusiveness (see Kinser

2010) and I questioned whether blogs really were progress in how we communicated or served primarily as popularity contests, entertainment, or in some cases, a profitable advertising channel. In addition, I have reservations about participating in discussions online as many blogs or social networking sites such as and collect personal data, monitor activity, or require that you open an account of some sort to participate. My focus on mommyblogs within the blog genre stems from my online research for a project about breastfeeding discourses (see appendix 1). During my research I found that when I visited blogs run by mothers either supporting breast or bottle-feeding the comments left by people were sometimes nasty critiques of mothers who chose bottle-feeding rather than any discussion supporting women’s individual choices or challenging the discourses and structures which limit women’s decision- making abilities. In addition, I saw much evidence of “horizontal violence” in these

5 blogs, a term which I will touch on in my review of the literature. This initial disappointment in the feminist thought lacking in many online breastfeeding discussions led me to want to explore the state of feminism on the mamasphere in general. Therefore, this research aims to contribute to the small body of literature about mommyblogs calling attention to feminist considerations for the blogosphere.

What does it mean to espouse feminist principles online?

There are different opinions of what feminism means for mothering. Therefore, in defining what I am looking for in this project it is important that I make a choice in terms of how I will limit my criteria. For my project, I have chosen to incorporate the theory put forth by Amber E. Kinser’s in her book Motherhood and Feminism . Ms.

Kinser states that “A primary role of feminism throughout history has been to challenge taken-for-granted assumptions which direct our lives” (9). Therefore in keeping with this tradition I will be evaluating whether blog posts are challenging or reinforcing assumptions about motherhood.

As a second point Ms. Kinser writes

Feminists have also worked to strengthen women’s power by valuing and increasing their knowledge. One way they have done this is by rejecting popular beliefs that medical and psychological health professionals are the most reliable and important repositories of expertise about pregnancy, birth and child-rearing (5).

Ms. Kinser goes on to single out the power of blogs in stating that here “…power is reconfigured so that mothers value their own and each other’s mothering experiences and expertise” (5). Therefore, I will also look at whether mommyblogs are empowering women through information and leading to more value being placed on women’s knowledge.

And finally mommyblogs must strive to be inclusive. As Kinser states “…much of what has been written and published about feminism and motherhood has failed to adequately examine the multiplicity of women’s experiences and points of view” (22).

6 This means that the needs and voices of mothers from different cultures, races, classes and lifestyles need to be included.

To summarize, feminist mommyblogs should embrace the following criteria:

1. Seek to challenge assumptions about motherhood.

2. Shift the knowledge power to mothers and away from dominant institutions.

3. Present a multiplicity of voices.

Method for studying mommyblogs

My research into mommyblogs is first and foremost grounded in an interdisciplinary review of the literature on mommyblogs. In addition, I will draw on examples from the mamasphere such as those which I found in my own research into mommyblogs and breastfeeding (see appendix 1) in order to support, expand upon or disagree with the positions of my selected authors. This review of the research and literature will be followed by a discussion of the strengths and weaknesses of mommyblogs against the backdrop of the key feminist interests which I have outlined above and will propose how we could better harness the feminist potential of mommyblogs in the future.

Background and review of the literature

Mommyblogging is a radical act!" And? It was. At that time, to be called a mommyblogger and have a mommyblog was radical. We had to fight for any respect we received. We had to work hard to earn any recognition that was not negative. It was radical to embrace (or even accept) being called a mommyblogger -Keynote by Alice Bradley, author of Finslippy.com at the BlogHer conference of 2009. Quoted by Jenn Satterwhite on August 1, 2009.

Though writing by and for mothers on the Internet existed long before the BlogHer conference of 2009, I will choose this point in time and Ms. Bradley’s keynote as the birth of the mommyblog and the start of the current debates which overshadow it. The term “mommyblogger” was, and still is, controversial. Some bloggers who are labelled as such find it diminutive as though they are only defined by what they write which is related to motherhood. As Lori Kido Lopez noted “[t]he underlying feeling seemed to

7 be that the name ‘mommyblogger’ was inherently belittling and cast their website in an unfavourable light” (Lopez 737). However, the fact that it could be considered a put- down should concern women, mothers and feminists alike because this is an indication of the low value of mothering in our society. The label “mommyblog” is also rich fodder for feminist academics because to use it or not in the blogosphere exposes cultural assumptions about how mothers’ online roles are defined and limited. What if a mother mostly writes about her partner, her job, or politics? Whether her blog gets to count as a mommyblog or not shows how we define what does or does not belong to the realm of a mommy. As Friedman aptly put it “…[mothers] write with the sum of their various irreconcilable parts, rather than splitting them so neatly into private and public worlds. (Friedman 197). Indeed allocating or withholding the term mommyblog for a website run by a mother may reflect social expectations that mothers should be first and foremost blogging about their children, household, or recipes online.

As blogs deemed to be mommyblogs proliferated, the mamasphere expanded. It is hard to quantify but some research suggests that it is quite sizeable indeed. A

Babycenter.com poll in the UK reported that 29% of moms read blogs regularly

(Goldsmith 2009). New technologies which enjoy such rapid popularity growth are often surrounded by hype. Lori Kido Lopez exemplifies this premature celebration of the mamasphere in her statement that:

Mommybloggers are developing their own voice for discussing motherhood, and it is distinctly different from the radiant image of the good mother that has dominated our media, with its impossible demands and assumptions about women” (743-744).

Premature because in the face of this optimism other feminist researchers have looked at how mommyblogs, rather than liberating women, might also be reinforcing assumptions about motherhood because the very act of having websites about child-

8 raising topics almost exclusively by women and targeting women harbours assumptions about who should be responsible for childcare (Madge and O’Connor 2006).

To be fair, not all which is written about the mamasphere is glowing hype. David

Hochman’s New York Times article “Mommy and Me” caused a stir among mommybloggers when he speculated that mommyblogs are part of our generation’s obsession with getting all the attention – which becomes particularly hard for a mother.

Contrary to Hochman’s opinion, May Friedman and Shana Calixte in their anthology

Mothering and Blogging: The Radical Act of the Mommyblog, show how mommyblogs can have a profound impact on the plight of mothers rather than just being sites of self- absorbed mothers. Indeed the authors also claim that mothers’ blogging is part of raising the profile of motherhood as a topic worthy of attention in a male-dominated blogosphere and in this world which undervalues motherhood topics. However, as noted above, when overwhelmingly mothers are reading and blogging about these topics then these topics still remain relegated to a specific audience on the Internet. For this reason Madge and O’Connor concluded in their study of a popular mommyblog that “…the internet was both liberating and constraining: it played an important social role for some women while at the same time it encouraged restrictive and unequal gender stereotypes in this particular community of practice” (Madge and O’Connor

199).

In her dissertation, Heather Lynn Fleming also builds on this idea of how mommyblogs reinforce women’s exclusive responsibility in some areas. Since women primarily write about what they do and from their own perspective she notes that “… providing only sketchy details of what their spouses do leaves readers with the impression (perhaps false) that the mothers do the bulk of the ’s unpaid work”

(134). Ms. Fleming would like to see “the foregrounding of the father’s experience of parenting as well as the mother’s” (134).

9 In addition to the propagation of assumptions, a further concern is whether mommyblogs provide a representative picture of motherhood. In their introduction to their book, May Friedman and Shana Calixte stated that

“The mamasphere continues to reproduce oppressive hierarchies, where the voices of the white, the able, the middle class and the heterosexual are often heard first and most often” (29).

Lopez also calls attention to the lack of representativeness stating that “[i]n particular, the absence of women of color and mothers from diverse socioeconomic backgrounds is important to acknowledge and investigate” (Lopez 744). Why this might be the case is proposed by Judith Stadtmann Tucker who highlights the obstacles to inclusion such as language and computer skills, access to the Internet, and the leisure time to peruse or write blogs. All of which she claims “are statistically more likely to affect low-income, non-urban, and non-white populations” (13). Friedmann and

Calixte expand on the obstacles to inclusiveness by pointing out that the Internet is not a place “where all good writers get read equally” (30). Many of those who will rise to the top do so by virtue of the author’s writing abilities. This talent, rather than the merit of their message, might be what allows their motherhood ideology to rise to the top.

For example, Lopez notes that “…the most popular writers employ a great deal of humor and levity to entertain their audience” (Lopez 734). Therefore, Tucker rightfully concludes that

[t]he mamasphere – and the real world – will have to undergo a major evolution (and possibly a revolution) before the voices and experiences of a representative cross-section of North American mothers are equally validated by the dominant culture (14).

This point will continue to dampen the aspirations of feminists for the mamasphere for some time to come.

Another point which Ms. Tucker draws attention to is that mommybloggers are using “blog-specific jargon” which further limits the ability of new bloggers or

10 outsiders to join in the conversations (13). If I enter the search term “breastfeeding help” for example, one of the first mom-to-mom sites which I come across is the La

Leche League International. Listed among the threads you find the acronyms and abbreviations link at http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?85593-Acronyms-and-

Abbreviations , which takes you to a dizzying list of over 100 terms which are a must for understanding what is going on in some of the forum conversations. There are terms which most regular users of the Internet and e-mail will recognize such as

“WTG” meaning “Way to go!”, or “LOL” for “laughing out loud”. However, there are also terms which are very specific to motherhood and breastfeeding such as “WAHM” for “work-at-home mom”, “M/C” for “miscarriage” and “BFIP” for “breastfeeding in public”. Though this website was gracious enough to provide a reference list for its jargon, the use of such terms helps to maintain a base of regular users or “insiders” who become accustomed to employing the language of the website but it also creates a barrier for new users who wish to join conversations or who are seeking readily accessible information for their breastfeeding problems.

Commercialism also poses a feminist challenge to the mamasphere. In her chapter in Friedmann and Calixte’s book, Ann Douglas “examines how market forces manipulate the need for popularity and consensus within mommyblogs, arguing that the result is a very potent form of bullying that may result in mothers being exposed to greater judgement than ever before” (Friedmann and Calixte 33). Lisa Hammond

(2010) adds to this point by noting that some blogs are mediated or membership is controlled in order to maintain the atmosphere of agreement. Bloggers argue that this keeps out “trolls” who are people who just want to argue and upset the climate but I wonder to what extent this serves to create more attractive advertising space. However, despite criticism of how commercialism might steer blogs, Ms. Douglas is also quick to defend ad income in the mamasphere by arguing that mothers have a right to earn

11 money for their writing and the criticism which they receive for accepting ad dollars is partly based in assumptions about mothers doing things out of love rather than for payment:

The demand seems to be that mommybloggers should not put a value upon their written work, in much the same way that mothers generally are expected to not put a value upon the work that they do in the home (95).

A further concern about mommyblogs is whether the connections they are forming online are also serving to disconnect mothers from their real-world networks. One contributor to Kimberley Clayton-Blaine’s book The Internet

Mommy: Inspiring Interviews and Stories From Mothers Who Work And Play

Online , Trisha Haas, raises some concerns about how the Internet is changing motherhood and the community at large:

[Blogs] keep people ‘connected’ to those like them, but disconnected in many ways to those in real life…I have been fortunate enough to connect stories, share experiences and find true friends online. But I am honest enough to say that it was at the sacrifice of assembling the local moms’ meetings or joining a neighbourhood baseball game (104-105).

Therefore, blogs might be allowing us to find information and like-minded mothers but perhaps this is at the expense of shutting out the concerns of the community and the rest of the world. In addition, this indulgence might also become a new social problem. A study by the German health department has identified Internet addiction as a real concern especially in relation to social networks usage. The study warns that losing control over one’s Internet use can be at the expense of a person’s work, studies and real life social contacts (ZDF).

As Haas herself has also experienced:

“I have seen many a person become a slave to comments, linky love, and stat tracker; and I’m not far away myself from having an Internet breakdown” (Haas 104).

12 Young women appear to be especially at risk of becoming addicted which the study attributes to this group using the Internet to compensate for the social acceptance which they lack in their real life interactions (ZDF).

In addition to the negative side-effects which blogging can have for the user, Sue

Shellenbarger takes a closer look at the toll which blogging can take on blog owners as well in her article “The Blogger Mom, In Your Face”. She reveals that popular mommyblogger Heather Armstrong, who was quoted in my introduction, has sought therapy to cope with hateful postings and that what she has exposed in her blog has had consequences for her such as being fired from her job and a breakdown in her relationship with her parents. Mothers who run blogs have also had to cope with criticism from other parents and Internet watchdogs who question the parenting skills of those posting photos of their children or using their children’s names sometimes even lashing out at the parents in their own blogs (see Quenqua 2009).

The mamasphere can also have personal consequences for blog readers, commentators and owners. Douglas notes that “…disagreements have a tendency to become particularly high-stakes and personal in the online world of mothers” (119).

She partly attributes this to “horizontal violence, which is when members of groups with low status display hostile behaviour toward their fellow group members”

(Friedmann and Calixte 120). Douglas sees this as no wonder since mothers have to content themselves with intrinsic rewards such as recognition (120). Horizontal violence also manifests itself in the way that oppressed groups attack their fellow members rather than their oppressors (121). As Judith Warner noted of the pro- motherhood groups on the Internet

…[they] purport to unite working and non-working mothers alike in an ecumenical, pro-family social agenda… Once you scratched the surface of their pro-unity slogans, all too often, something quite different emerged. Competition. Intolerance. And a big dose of sanctimony. Coming most

13 notably from the stay-at-home moms seeking validation for the ‘sacrifices’ they’d made in the name of motherly virtue. (266)

These comments from Warner as well as Lena Karlsson’s research which I will now discuss, begs the question of whether blogs are the right medium for bringing together women from different backgrounds and discussing social change. Ms. Karlsson’s study argues that women diary blogs attract readers based on the similarities which they can find with the author, for example, age, location, education and ethnicity. Indeed her study participants reported searching the blogosphere for authors which they could identify with (148). This suggests that the reading of diary blogs might be more an exercise in validation for one’s choices and lifestyle than it is a site where assumptions are challenged and diverse cultures come together.

So what is the overall feminist impression of mommyblogs in their current shape and form? May Friedman speculates about exactly this in “On Mommyblogging: Notes to a

Future Feminist Historian”. In her opinion, a future feminist historian will look back on today’s mommyblogs as “…notable as much for their omissions as their inclusions, enacting both resistance and a submission to the dominant discourses of motherhood”

(197). She also shares my opinion that mommyblogs are currently not representative but puts an optimistic twist on this by showing that they are nonetheless diverse. In the next section I will look at how the current available information on mommyblogs ties in with feminist goals to assess the extent to which these are or could be a feminist endeavour.

Analysis and Discussion

“Mommybloggers are creating a mosaic of modern motherhood. Like any mosaic, certain colours dominate the landscape, yet, despite this limitation, the overall effect is still of multiplicity rather than of a dominant narrative” (Fridemann and Calixte 30).

From the review of the literature we can see that mommyblogs had a feminist birth.

Their emergence challenged dominant structures on the Internet which privy men, male

14 opinion, male topics and which relegate mommy topics to the less important, less newsworthy, private sphere. Within the mamasphere, however, the potential for feminism has been somewhat diluted by the reproduction of the same structures which liberate or oppress mothers differently in our society as they also do in other media such as newspapers, television and magazines. Many scholars have pointed out that class, race, lifestyle, culture and language caries privileges and disadvantages in the mamasphere just like they do in society. Nowadays, mommyblogs are diverging into niches to serve the interests of mothers who conglomerate around topics relevant to their particular cultural choices such as Christian parenting, breastfeeding, homeschooling, lesbian mothering, attachment parenting, vegetarian mothering, etc.

(see appendix 2). This can be seen both as positive, because women can seek options not available to them in their immediate circle, but also as negative in the sense that women might be locking themselves into small groups of like-minded mothers thus limiting their own options for choosing a more empowering model of motherhood for themselves. If you leave these niches, however, and encounter women who are not raising their children in the same way as you are, the exchanges can be hostile which might be attributable to theories of horizontal violence. In my own research on breastfeeding mommyblogs (see appendix 1) I encountered such aggression when I left the sites for breastfeeding moms and went to sites posting articles claiming that bottle- feeding was okay or equal to breastfeeding. Where breastfeeders and non-breastfeeders mingled, or rather faced-off, good mothering was often thrown in the faces of those who chose not to or could not breastfeed. As Judith Warner pointed out about groups of mothers online which seems to resonate for topics such as breastfeeding is that:

“[v]alidation of one group necessarily meant demonization of the other” (Warner 267).

Therefore, in validating their own lifestyle choices in their mommyblogs devoted to

15 their specific beliefs and choices, there is the risk that misunderstanding and even hatred of other lifestyle choices practiced by other mothers are being propagated.

According to some researchers, mommyblogs do seek to counter media images of mothering thus resisting dominant institutions. Lopez is one such scholar who believes that

“Mommybloggers are creating a different picture of motherhood to what we see in the mainstream media. Instead of the vision of the loving mother, we see women who are frazzled by the demands of their newborn baby, who have no clue what to do when their child gets sick, who suffer from postpartum depression and whose hormones rage uncontrollably” (732).

Though Ms. Lopez’s observations hold some truth because there are reassuring tales of imperfect mothering online, her comments fail to consider how mainstream media ideas do infiltrate blogs and are also propagated by them. The unrealistic demands which the media places on mothers are also reflected in mommyblogs discussing an endless number of topics and offering goods targeting moms through which they subtly imply that these should be the responsibility and concern of mothers if they want the best for their children.

The review of the literature has identified a number of obstacles to feminism in mommyblogs such as a lack of diversity in the mothers who use blogs, horizontal violence among mothers online, barriers to using blogs such as jargon, lack of leisure time and literacy or language barriers, lack of access to the technology or rejection of social networks and the censoring of blog postings. In addition, the empowerment which blogs could hopefully provide to mothers is overshadowed by the reproduction of assumptions about women which are already rampant in the real world and which are possibly magnified by the tendency of mommyblogs to focus on the blogging mother’s role in child-rearing rather than presenting more points of view from the others who are involved in the tasks of childcare.

16 And lastly, commercialism appears to be a double-edged sword for feminism because accepting it is often at the expense of inclusiveness but rejecting it is playing into assumptions about mothers. Why? Because those sites which want to make money with advertising investment need to cater to a group which is wealthy enough to buy the products. In seeking advertising dollars blogs may be becoming like other mediums such as magazines which accept advertising but then need to “…target the middle- to upper-income parents who can afford to buy the products of advertisers” (Hall and

Bishop 17). This means that commercialized sites have less interest in reaching or representing lower income . However, as Ms. Douglas pointed out expecting mothers to reject advertising income which rewards their writing and entrepreneurship reinforces stereotypes about mothers’ time not being worth money, their writing as less worthy of a salary, or their actions being motivated solely by self-sacrifice and love rather than profit.

Future Directions

Having discussed the current state of mommyblogs we see that a network which already appeals to a sizeable though not very representative group of women clearly exists. The challenge therefore is to harness the feminist potential of the system of mommyblogs which is in place while trying to attract more diversity of opinion and empowering individual women to recognize the potential drawbacks and limitations of blogs. Being aware of the commercial, political and personal stakes in mommyblogs and how these blogs can empower or entrap mothers is one of the best ways to support feminism in mommyblogs even if we can’t guard against or exclude blog activity which will run counter to feminist values. Therefore, it is fundamental that more research is done on this topic and that this research is communicated through channels used by mommybloggers. Feminists being active in mommyblogs and making posts which are in-line with feminist thinking is another way to make blogging more empowering.

17 Feminists could also maintain Blog Rolls which are lists available online of top blogs pertaining to a certain topic. In this manner feminist mothering sites could be featured along with an explanation, open to challenge and discussion of course, of how feminist principles are being observed on these sites. While the concept of mommyblogs is still in its infancy, this is an opportune time to become involved in shaping the basis of discussions to come. However, it is also important to keep an eye on other burgeoning technologies through which networks of mothers are being formed such as Facebook and Twitter. It is also equally important not to lose sight of traditional communication channels which still remain the only connection to some groups of people who suffer from disabilities, lack literacy skills, have limited access to technology or who choose to reject online communication due to cultural objections or concerns about the safety of their data.

For those women who will embark on the mamasphere, Friedmann and Calixte have highlighted a good model to which mommyblogging could aspire:

A truly radical mamasphere would allow mothers to collectively analyze the sources of discomfort, joy, boredom and enlightenment, resulting in a focus that would highlight the situation of mothers broadly, that would “analyze the situation of women”, rather than simply maintaining anecdotes of thousands of singular lives (31).

Conclusion

Ideally blogs would create spaces for women to interact with mothers who share their values as well as those mothers who come from different cultures. This could expand the possibilities for women to imagine their lives differently while also allowing them to find mothers who are making similar choices thus encouraging information sharing, furthering the development of their lifestyle paths and collectively identifying and challenging any oppression which is limiting them in this pursuit. Ultimately, the mamasphere is a valuable space where many mothers can interact and become empowered through the knowledge and experience which their other information

18 sources cannot provide. It is also a time-consuming world where mothers are judged, targeted by watchdogs and advertisers, and overwhelmingly presented with those views stemming from the dominant class of mothers. Mommyblogs are a feminist endeavour because they seek to carve out a space in the virtual world which mothers cannot find in the real world. Whether it is a network of mothers, information which can help them, validation, or even a source of income, the thrust online by mothers is motivated by a search for what they can’t find in their communities, relationships, jobs, or their current media sources. This project has sought to show, however, that when mothers do look online their search is only partly successful because they are also confronted with the assumptions, limited options and competition which also characterize their oppression as mothers in society as a whole.

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Tucker, Judith Stadtmann. “Foreword” in Mothering and Blogging: The Radical Act of the MommyBlog. Edited by May Friedman and Shana L. Calixte. Canada: Demeter Press, 2009.

Warner, Judith. Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety . London: Vermilion, 2006.

ZDF, “560.000 Deutsche internetsüchtig - Mädchen besonders anfällig", ZDF Heute.de Komputer (German source), September 26, 2011. Internet. Last accessed September 30, 2011. Available at: http://www.heute.de/ZDFheute/inhalt/18/0,3672,8354386,00.html

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Appendix 1: Study of Breastfeeding Blogs By Suzette Bondy-Mehrmann, July 31, 2011.

In this research I have studied a sample of 5 mommyblogs dealing with the topic of breastfeeding including one which is devoted to the “how-to’s” of breastfeeding, two blogs which emerged in reaction to a news article about breastfeeding, and two journal blogs. My method of study was to skim through the blogs to get an overall impression of the discussions, reproduce a sample of the comments posted, and provide feminist analysis of these. This is not a random or representative selection of available mommyblogs but rather a sample chosen for the purpose of illustrating the breadth of discussion surrounding breastfeeding and in the hope of gathering comments from a variety of people espousing different opinions. This study strives to call attention to the good qualities and feminist potential of mommyblogs while cautioning against the ways in which ideologies which run counter to feminism can also be propagated via mommyblogs. To do this I am going to examine some of the comments which appear in these blogs to see whether they embrace the following feminist principles which

Amber Kinser discussed in her 2010 book Feminism and Motherhood :

1. Seeking to challenge assumptions about motherhood

2. Attempting to shift the knowledge power to mothers and away from dominant

institutions

3. Rejecting biological definitions of motherhood in favour of a view of mothers as

decision-makers

4. A multiplicity of voices

22 The La Leche League International forum

As the leading mother-to-mother source on breastfeeding support the LLLI offers online breastfeeding forums which exemplify how mothers can use blogs to share their own expertise. One can also argue that these blogs are striving for inclusiveness as some blogs are offered in Spanish which extends their services to the largest minority language group in America. Nonetheless, a multiplicity of voices is not achieved merely through the act of offering blogs in Spanish because interaction between mothers from different linguistic backgrounds doesn’t take place unless you understand and read the other language.

At the beginning of each blog a La Leche Leader has posted a guideline for the discussions. A call to women to respect each other:

Our experiences vary widely, [emphasis hers] and what works for one family may not be appropriate for another. Thank you for respecting each person's right to make the choices that are right for their own family. LLL supports every mother's right to breastfeed in whatever way works for her, as long as both she and the baby wish to do so, whether that is weeks, months, or until the baby weans naturally. This is an individual decision (LLLSueAnn).

Despite sounding like an open forum which values the rational, choosing mother, the use of a biased expression such as “the baby weans naturally” masks an assumption that we should let decisions over our bodies be made by our baby rather than ourselves because the term “naturally” suggests that this is what is proper for our bodies.

Furthermore, though this post sounds welcoming to mothers who are practising any length of breastfeeding, it becomes clear that longer periods of breastfeeding are most highly valued in this forum. We see that the bloggers who had persevered the longest signed their posts with a little footnote about how long they had breastfed as though these were badges of honour:

“I breast milk fed my Blossom for fifteen months (after exclusively pumping for thirteen). My Bud (sixteen months) is still nursing directly

23 (after a rough start that included a few months of pumping and supplementing with mommy's milk)” (llli@duaegutae)

Another mom signs:

“First time, SAH mom to my precious daughter born October 2009 Nursing 19 months and counting!” (llli@irismom)

The insistence on breastfeeding also neglects to provide information or resources for women who might want to choose formula feeding or abandon breastfeeding.

Therefore, the choices which are supported here, and along with it the possibilities for mothers to create their own experience of motherhood, are ultimately limited.

“In Support of Bottle-Feeding” by Lisa Belkin on Motherlode

This blog, hosted on the popular New York Times mother news site Motherlode, started as a brief article about how women who do not breastfeed are having difficulty finding support for their situation and feel guilty about their “choice” to bottle-feed.

The blog was active for about a year with the last entry in August 2010. The vast majority of those who left replies reacted positively to the article and shared their own stories of guilt and feeling pressured by others to breastfeed. For these women the blog provided a place to exchange mother-to-mother experience and to talk about what they considered inacceptable to voice in the current dominant discourse on the necessity of breastfeeding. Therefore, it seemed to serve a therapeutic function in dealing with the grief and frustration which some women felt in relation to breastfeeding (see Shannon

Proudfoot “Mommyblogging the Cheapest form of Therapy”). Some comments, however, are not supportive but rather critical of the women and their bottle-feeding situation or disbelieving or trivializing their breastfeeding problems. One example is

Stacy:

For the very small percentage of women who truly cannot breast feed, I am sorry that I will give you a subtle disapproving look, but the rest of you deserve it (Stacy, July 22, 2009).

24 So when I see women who weren’t willing to make the effort for their babies, I feel sorry for the babies. I know that those babies will probably be colicky, get more ear infections and illnesses and miss out on a wonderful bonding experience with their mothers (Stacy July 23, 2009).

Stacy demonstrates how assumptions about motherhood can also be reflected in blogs because she brings in the oppressive, self-effacing, mothering ideal which posits breastfeeding as a right for the baby and a duty for the mother. She is also trivializing the heart-wrenching experiences shared by other women rather than validating their knowledge and experience. Her comments generated criticism, some of which was more a personal attack but some aimed at addressing the structures which oppress mothers and which are prevalent in Stacy’s offensive comments.

To Stacey (poster #47): Your arrogance is remarkable. I hope you are fortunate enough to encounter people who are more forgiving than you. Life is hard enough, and certainly MOTHERHOOD is hard enough without the “tut-tuts” from know- it-alls. I pray that God will give me the presence of mind to calmly ignore people like you. (Vera, July 22, 2009).

I think you should curb your behavior before your child grows up to be as judgmental and holier-than-thou as you are. If these remarks bother you, perhaps you should look within, and you will see someone who is so insecure in her own motherhood that she feels the need to trumpet her accomplishments as a parent in order to feel superior to others, and therefore better about herself (Nancy, July 23, 2009).

Vera and Nancy are pointing out that mothers are too quickly judged and pitted against each other in the race to be the best mother. This reflects Judith Warner’s ideas in her book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety . Ms. Warner points out that in the current ideology of intensive mothering “…[v]alidation of one group necessarily meant demonization of the other” (Warner 267). Stacey apparently needs to put-down other mothering choices to ensure that her mothering ideology is validated in our society rather than promoting a multiplicity of mothering styles.

Some bloggers like Anne also tried to challenge our society’s structures which might have been able to redirect the anger which the majority of women in this blog

25 were directing at either pushy breastfeeders or perceived lazy, non-breastfeeding mothers. Anne’s comments were an exception however:

The real reason that so many women give up or choose not to breastfeed is that they need to return to a full-time job. If we had generous paid maternity leave like Scandinavia, more women would “choose” to breastfeed (Anne, July 23, 2009).

Ultimately, this blog did more to highlight the differences between mothers than to expose the assumptions and dominant ideologies which underpin these. The topic did at least bring together women of different opinions whereas many mommyblogs tend to attract parents sharing similar lifestyle decisions and interests as the next blog in my study has done. Therefore this blog did fulfil the criteria for a multiplicity of voices.

Breastfeedingmomsunite.com

Through the website “The Top Ten best Breastfeeding Blogs” I was directed to this now dormant blog which was run by a breastfeeding advocate called Melodie and included mostly writings by the author as well as commentaries and articles which were posted for discussion. The feminist value of this site was limited in that it really only appealed to and was visited by like-minded mothers who were breastfeeding. As the title implies, breastfeeding moms are the ones who are welcome to come together on this blog which limits the points of view to be shared. Indeed the “Neslté-free zone” logo which she displays on her website should make any formula-feeding mothers, even those who might also be breastfeeding, feel unwelcome if the title hasn’t already scared them off.

As I started to pour over the content, I realized that assumptions and biological destiny were seldom challenged in the articles as breastfeeding is presented as what nature intended for women. For example, she rather ironically speaks fondly of women who use breast pumps to help do what nature intended when it fails:

Just as nature adapts to a changing world with variations of design, let us adapt to accepting that breastfeeding does not have to look only one way to be natural (Melodie November 30, 2009).

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This is not only full of assumptions about the supremacy of nature and her cultural interpretation of nature of one of breastfeeding for many years but also that using man- made aids such as pumps still counts as natural but formula feeding does not. She also describes women who breastfeed past a year as “determined” which implies that those who do not must lack determination.

I am proud to be a part of the determined 9% of mothers in Canada who breastfeed past a year... (Melodie November 30, 2009).

In one comment Melodie appears to be aware of the tensions which advocating breastfeeding as better mothering creates yet she nonetheless compounds the problem with such comments as the one above:

It disheartens me that those of us who are lucky enough to breastfeed straight from the breast might ever feel superior to moms who use a bottle…sanctimonious attitudes in response to the sight of a bottle-feeding mom can ruin the natural sisterly relationships between women who share a special bond by virtue of motherhood (Melodie November 30, 2009).

The website did however show signs of challenging dominant ideologies about breasts as sexual because she posted defiantly on the issue of breastfeeding images being censored on popular internet portals. It is interesting to note that the blog author decided to quit her blog after two years because she felt this was reflecting badly on her life and her kids’ life:

But in the two years I’ve been blogging I’ve been letting a lot of things in my personal life slide. Rules about TV time for one, spending more quality one-to- one time with my kids for two (Melodie -January 11, 2011).

Ultimately this is not a very inclusive site as it is devoted to ensuring the rights of breastfeeding mothers and promoting options which appeal to a very specific group rather than seeking ways to make breastfeeding or other mothering options attainable by other groups of women whose issues have little resemblance to the challenges facing these women.

27 Blacktating.com

Blacktating.com also came to my attention through the “Top Ten best Breastfeeding

Blogs” website. I chose this site due to the author Elita’s openness about her race coupled with breastfeeding discussion and hence the title “Blacktating”. Her blog appears to be more inclusive than Melodie’s blog as there are comments from women who could not breastfeed and Elita makes it clear that she is in favour of mothering choices.

…I am vehemently pro choice. Everyone has the option to choose formula” Elita- “Michelle Obama and the “Choice” to Breastfeed”, June 10, 2011.

Many women posted a picture of themselves which allows us to see how ethnically diverse the women are which is definitely a feminist advantage of this site. Many of the women posting are also Caucasian but I never encountered any comments indicating that these women were not welcome despite the title “Blacktating”. On the whole, however, I do get the impression that despite diversity in race, the women seem to share a similar class privilege in that some blog about being married, their maternity leave, shopping, and they obviously have the leisure time to indulge in blogging. The Blogger

Profile for Elita seems to reinforce this perception for the author’s own situation: “What started as a side project to keep her occupied while on maternity leave has become her second baby”.

The only part which I found a bit unfortunate was Elita’s insistence on biological norms:

But is breastfeeding a personal choice? Isn't it just what mammals do after they've given birth?” Elita, “Michelle Obama and the “Choice” to Breastfeed” (June 9, 2011).

…And you are right,the mother-baby bond IS the most important during the first year. Even if you are bottle feeding, the baby should be fed by mom most of the time, while being held skin-to-skin. The biological norm is mom and baby close together. (Elita, „June’s Carnival of Breastfeeding: Second Time’s a Charm” Reply to HuppieMama. June 2011 )

28 Here I would have liked to have seen more challenge of the notion of a true nature or biological destiny and a closer look at how culture shapes our definition of biology, nature and norms. Nonetheless, this was the most inclusive of the breastfeeding blogs which I saw and lacked the in-fighting and self-righteousness which can be associated with feeding decisions and which is rampant in the next blog.

“Why Breastfeeding is Overrated” author Joan B. Wolf in Conversation with Luiza Ch. Savage.

This interview promoting feminist critic Joan B. Wolf’s new book has turned into a

Blog which has attracted more than 329 comments to date. It is a very good example of the heightened emotions surrounding breastfeeding as readers mostly criticize or even curse the author for daring to publish this. The interviewer, Ms. Savage is well aware of the heightened sensibilities surrounding this topic:

Nothing I’ve ever written has received so much emotional response from readers as the time I wrote about my struggles breastfeeding my first son. My point was to say, this can be hard; take the breastfeeding class before the baby comes. But I was accused of discouraging people from nursing. There was a lot of anger in the letters. Why is this topic so emotional?

Her assessment of the breastfeeding topic turned out to be all too accurate as the comments reacting to this interview poured in showing evidence of being emotional, angry and even accusatory. Some readers, however, express gratitude or agreement with the author and share their own “failed” breastfeeding experiences. Others showed firm support for a woman’s right to choose thereby crusading for the feminist view of a mother as one which thinks and chooses. Unfortunately, many of the conversations take place in a very aggressive manner which I feel only heightens the tensions between the different groups:

Ahhhhh american health care advice. See what you need to do, is find a company that sells breast milk to pay this "scientist" as much as Nestle does so that THEY can use her as a puppet on a string to argue ridiculous points like this (Dmayich, 6 months ago).

29 This is the perfect example of what Wolf is talking about. A woman tells her story of how the culture of the nipple Nazis nearly cost her child his life, and your reaction is to come in here and suggest SHE is to blame for not believing fervently enough. The only words I can think of for you will get my post deleted (Patrick Flannery, 6 months ago).

Biological definitions of motherhood and assumptions surface unchallenged as many critics bring in vague notions of “God”, “nature” or “normal” as a way to defend the supremacy of breastfeeding in the belief that these are authorities.

Breastfeeding is normal and artificial milk or substituting the milk of another animal is not. This is not an inflammatory statement, this is fact (Hotelqueen, 6 months ago).

That is hilarious... God didn't make formula, humans did. Humans however were made with the ability to produce milk and thus feed our children, formula hasn't been around since the beginning of man kind how on earth did we survive? (Guest, 5 months ago).

The point is we are mammalian mothers who are meant to nurse and nurture our young (Mammalian mother, 6 months ago).

We also see better mothering qualities being linked to breastfeeding mothers and a critique of non-breastfeeding mothers which supports the dominant ideology which expects women to take a back seat to their family’s needs (see Judith Warner).

I also know many women who did not even bother trying for no other reason than appearances and one who did not want to feel tied down. i was so sad that the mothers were more concerned about themselves than their babies (Cricket, 6 months ago).

Even though feminist motherhood emphasizes shifting power from experts and medical authorities back to mothers we also see that mothers call upon these same experts if it can serve to defend their own ideology of mothering:

Studies PROVE that it's the best thing for babies, and I know in my heart when I feed my babies that breastfeeding is pure love (Sarah R, 5 months ago).

Still a few comments were clearly grounded in feminist theory advancing the notion of mothers as capable of choosing:

Wouldn't the feminist position be "provide access to adequate education on the benefits of breast feeding and educate professionals on how to help women who

30 wish to breastfeed but are having difficulty then assume a woman is competent to make her own decision on breastfeeding? (pinkrunningshoes, 5 months ago).

And some challenged dominant structures such as the competitive ideology which has fuelled the so-called “mommy wars” in virtually all debates about motherhood:

Why are women so unsupportive of one another? We judge things that are essentially none of our business and we always think the worst of each other (Healthcare insider, 6 months ago).

At the conclusion of this critical review of a sample of breastfeeding blogs it is fair to say that all of the blogs in my sample have proven to be a mixed bag when it comes to supporting feminist ideals. Therefore our discussion will now turn to how women can be empowered by mommyblogs without being harmed by their pitfalls.

Analysis

Through this study I have shown that rather than being resisted, dominant ideologies about infant feeding manage to replicate themselves online. In this instance, mommyblogs appear to be just an extension of the “expert” literature which bloggers have read and the messages about motherhood such as “breast is best” which is circulated by dominant institutions and the media. Assumptions about women, mothering, biology and nature which have been sown over centuries by patriarchy and male-dominated institutions such as the sciences are also reflected in mommyblogs and often go unchallenged or are even employed to uphold the superiority of one’s mothering choices. Secondly, the women who write or access blogs have a tendency to share many cultural traits such as computer access and know-how, education, and a command of English writing (in North-America at least). This leads to an underrepresentation or absence of infant feeding options which support mothers who do not belong to the privileged norm and a lack of diversity in the infant feeding practices presented which could lead to some practices being undervalued or misunderstood for

31 lack of exposure and discussion. Therefore, what we saw in these mommyblogs on the topic of breastfeeding leaves room for both optimism and caution.

Conclusion

With new power we are still faced with old problems. In the case of the emergence of mommyblogs we have a powerful tool to articulate and achieve feminist goals but persistent patterns in thinking and longstanding inequalities are constraining and limiting our newfound power. We see dominant groups and ideologies still dominating and the self-imposed limitations of assumptions emerging in a forum where we could potentially be free to create new mothering possibilities.

32 Works Cited

Belkin, Lisa. “In Support of Bottle-Feeding” July 22, 2009. Online. Last accessed July 30, 2011. Available at: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/22/in-support-of- bottle-feeding/

Blacktating.com. Online. Last accessed July 29, 2011. Available at: Blacktating.com

Blogger Profile. “Elita”. Online. Last accessed July 30, 2011. Available at: http://www.blogger.com/profile/01294923997458681675)

Breastfeeding Moms Unite. Online. Last accessed July 29, 2011. Available at: Breastfeedingmomsunite.com

Kinser, Amber E. Motherhood and Feminism . California: Seal Press, 2010

La Leche League International Forum. Online. Last accessed July 30, 2011. Available at: http://forums.llli.org/index.php

LLLSueAnn. „Please Read Before Posting”. January 12, 2006. La Leche League International. Online. Last accessed June 30, 2011. Available at: http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?82-Please-Read-Before-Posting llli@duaeguttae. “Re: Book Recommendations”. #3. La Leche League International. June 10, 2011. Online. Last accessed July 1, 2011. Available at: http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?98236-Book-Recommendations-Breastfeeding llli@irismom. “Re: Does my one-month-old need a Vitamin D replacement while I’m Breastfeeding Only. Help!” La Leche League International. June 29, 2011. Last accessed July 1, 2011. Available at: http://forums.llli.org/showthread.php?103710- DOES-MY-ONE-MONTH-OLD-NEED-A-VITAMIN-D-REPLACEMENT- WHILE-IM-BRESTFEEDING-ONLY-HELP.

Proudfoot, Shannon. “Mommyblogging the cheapest form of therapy”. Canada.com. no date. Internet. 03.03.2011. Available at: http://www.canada.com/life/parenting/Mommyblogging + cheapest+form+therapy/2136761/story.html

Melodie. “Breastfeeding: Nature’s Way”. November 30, 2009. Breastfeeding Moms Unite. Online source. Last accessed July 15, 2011. Available at http://www.breastfeedingmomsunite.com/2009/11/breastfeeding-natures-way/

Savage, Luiza Ch. “Why Breastfeeding is Overrated” author Joan B. Wolf in Conversation with Luiza Ch. Savage. January 10, 2011. Macleans.ca. Internet. 03.03.2011. Available at: http://www2.macleans.ca/2011/01/10/author-joan-b-wolf-in-conversation/#idc-cover

“The Top Ten best Breastfeeding Blogs”. Upspring Baby. February 10, 2010. Online. Last accessed July 22, 2011. Available at: http://blog.upspringbaby.com/2010/02/10/top-ten-best-breastfeeding-blogs/

33 Warner, Judith. Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety . London: Vermilion, 2006.

34 Appendix 2: Examples of Mommyblogs

Vegan, Mormon mother http://veganmothering.blogspot.com/

Top 10 Breastfeeding blogs http://blog.upspringbaby.com/2010/02/10/top-ten-best-breastfeeding-blogs/

Christian mothers http://momsoffaith.com/

Homeschooling mom blog with a provocative title http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/

Stay at home mom http://www.stuntmom.com/

A Lesbian mother’s adventures http://www.lesbianmommy.com/

A Quiver mom and her large family http://nobirthcontrol.blogspot.com/2009/12/our-story.html

Canadian Moms’ blog http://www.canadianmomsblog.com/

Crunchy moms – a title used by mothers who consider their mothering styles as closer to nature or hippy. http://crunchydomesticgoddess.com/

Feminist mom in Montreal http://newfeministmom.blogspot.com/

Mothers with cancer http://motherswithcancer.wordpress.com/

Divorced mother http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/

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