1 March issue 1999 1138

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST. 1949

The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Sabbs celebrate as rumours circulate

A full complement of sabbaticals were By Andrew Ofori Katuwawala. It seems that some were elected in the early hours of last Wednes determined to orchestrate this kind of day morning, bringing this year's exten- on the role of wake of the landslide, with one over-zealous first year sive election campaign to an end. Deputy President results with the medic from the BMS sending the fol- The inordinate number of realloca- for Education and motives behind lowing e-mail to his entire year: tions prolonged the agony, and the lack Welfare in the the voling habits "I hope you all know the the ICU of a late licence made the evening seem coming year, of certain sections president elections are now coming up. like an eternity. Natasha Newton was David Roberts of the electorate I am sure you realise that having a medic eventually declared ICU President elect, fended off the being called into as ICU president is infinitely preferable to triumphing over her six competitors, challenge from question. Many anyone else, so please vote for Tasha Deputy President for Finance and Ser- New Election to of the candidates Newton (the only medic standing) next vices went to Ian Clifford who surpassed win the post of received ardent Monday and Tuesday, and don't worry the quota for victory by a single vote; the Felix Editor. Satis- home support about the little hole in your ICU cards." relieved candidate commented "It just fied with the from their depart- Dave Hellard, ICU President stated goes to show every vote counts." Ironi- process he comi ments, a factor "It's disgraceful" and went on to say "I cally his closest competitor, Paul Hick- mented "The especially advan- hope people voted for who they wanted, man, received more first round votes, but elections were tageous to because of their policies". the single transferable vote system oper- run excellently- Natasha Newton On hearing of the unsolicited pub- ated by the Union resulted in Clifford's as for the result, who received 174 licity Natasha Newton made a personal success. The Deputy President for Clubs we will have to votes from St. apology to the first year medics in the and Societies next year will be Tim Traitor, wait and see." Mary's, with the BMS. She thought it had been a "well- who was forced to concede the role to There has second highest meant gesture", but felt that "It wasn't Marie Nicholaou last term. Kevin Butcher been some dis- Photo; Jonas Natasha fulfils her Pre- total being a three particularly helpful", will be breaking new ground as he takes quiet in the Presidential duties for Shanaka

Humiliation for Cambourne Inside.. By David Roberts

The Royal School of Mines completed a Letters-Mote bike thefts 6 breathtaking whitewash of the Cambourne Miners in this year's installment of the infa Editorial & Small Adsl 7 mous Bottle Match. Over a hundred spectators gathered Columns-Voice of Reason 8 to watch the RSM squad complete victories in every sport contested - Men's Hockey, ArtS-Blood Wedding 10 Football, Squash, Women's Hockey and Rugby. This historic victory means that RSM Welfare Pullout 13 will keep hold of the Bottle for yet another year - and prompted calls for Cambourne Not the News 17 to "send real players next year". Having secured victory by a score of 3- MUSiC -Desert Eagle Discs 18 2 in Squash the night before, the crowds gathered on 20 February to see the bulk of affair, although the final scoreline proved Film -tickets to You've Got Mail' 21 the action. First up was the Women's to be an identical 1-0. The solitary goal Hockey, where the Cornish Miners were came after a cynical Cambournc tackle give RSM another 1-0 victory. ClubSCene -Carwash 22 totally outclassed by the ICside. However, gave the Mines a penalty early on in the Before the game, the Rugby (the Bot despite their obvious superiority, RSM had second-half, and the resulting flick was tle Match itself) was regarded as RSM's CameS - Alpha Centurl 24 trouble inside their opponents D, and easily converted. toughest challenge. It proved to be no eventually the match was decided by a soli At 3-0 up, everyone's minds turned to such thing. Outclassing Cambourne in Sport - Great week for Hockey 26 tary goal. A superb cross from Stephane thoughts of a possible whitewash, but every department - driving their pack back Dawson was converted by captain Karina until the 80th minute of the Football, it on every scrum and running rings around Diversions-the next 7 days 27 Tarllng, to give RSM their first ever win in looked like this dream would end with a their back line - victory was never in doubt. Bottle Match history. hardfought draw. Eventually, however, a The final score was 30-10; the crowd went CrOSSWOrd by Gnat Chum 28 The Men's Hockey was a much closer long ball took their defence by surprise, to wild and Cambourne were humiliated. 2 News 1 March 1999 Glaxo Unwelcome

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST. 1949

Following last week's front page article, ment, and 50% from the Wellcome Trust, 'Glaxo Welcome Mary's', Felix has been By the News Team an independent medical charity. It is pos Issue 1138 contacted by Professor Malcolm Green, sible that this is where the confusion with Vice-Principal for Postgraduate Medicine at result is that there are large tracts of the GlaxoWellcome came In, although there 1 March 1999 St Mary's. What follows are extracts from building which are vacant, and not up to is now no association between the phar the letter he sent us. Felix would like to modern standards for research and teach maceutical firm and the Wellcome Trust, Editor: Ed Sexton state that our sources for the article printed ing. It would be tragic to see the building which is an independent charity. A bid for Assistant Editor & Films: David Roberts last week were reliable. However, at the remain in this condition, and degenerate up to £26M was put in by Imperial College News Editor: Andrew Ofori time of going to press we were unable to into sparsely occupied old age. on behalf of the St. Mary's building in Music Editors: Dennis Patrickson verify the exact truth of the matter. We The problem was recognised some December to this Joint Infrastructure Fund & Jason Ramanathan hope to resolve the issue one way or the time ago and we applied to the University (JIF). If the full money is granted, it should Arts Editor: Helena Cocheme other next week. funding Council (HEFCE) and were suc allow complete refurbishment of the build Games Editor: Gary Smith Professor Malcom Green: cessful in obtaining funds to refurbish part ing, with new state of the art research and Clubscene: Gurminder Marwaha "Your front page article on the future of the 4th floor for modern laboratories, teaching facilities. Of course it is possible & Joel Lewis of St Mary's Campus is an astonishing for virology research. Work on this will that the bid will not succeed, or that a Sports Editor: Gus Paul mixture of inaccuracy and fabrication. start soon. lesser sum will be allocated in which case The facts, as any of us would have will Conversion of buildings is expensive. there will need to be partial solutions. facilities, probably linking to the swim ingly confirmed, are these. No substantial capital monies were avail If JIF funds were awarded, detailed ming pool, and by bridge to the library. In the summer and early autumn of able within IC following completion of the planning would need to take place. How Far from selling the St. Mary's Campus, last year many of the scientists with their BMS building. Fortunately, however, in ever, the bid does not include any pro it is our absolute intention and determi research and teaching groups moved from the summer of 1998 the Government posal to abandon the swimming pool or nation to make sure that it moves into the the St Mary's Campus building to the new announced a £600M fund to be com library. On the other hand, the fully funded 21 st Century as a modern biomedical cen BMS building at South Kensington. Teach peted for nationally to help refurbish the bid does include a proposal to build a tre continuing St. Mary's long and proud ing continues on the site, but some of the infrastructure of UK Universities. 50% of new light and airy building in the central tradition of medical research, teaching, teaching activities have transferred. The this money came from central Govern courtyard to contain bar, eating and other and student facilities". Full Election Results

C HARD CHOICES ) The total number of votes cast were,-1339 for President, 1126 for

DP(C&S), 1105 for DP(F&S), 1102 for DP(E&W) and 1101 for Felix Editor

Andy Swift

Hlk. Ben Polounovsky £212 £21212 President /™\> Cost per student member of Cost per student resident In f..\\\\\v..v-X Clayponds Hall (South Eal the Boat Club for the con ing) for the construction of a struction of their new boat Natasha Newton V.V\Vs\V\\V ' Dennis Palrickson new common room and house, currently costing over social area. Currently the hall 15% more than the £2 mil has no such facility, but It lion budgeted for the pro does have a spare patch of ject. The boat house was Stuart Cook land that has been consid supposed to be finished In ered (and rejected) as a pos time for Henley next term, sible site for several years. but It now looks unlikely that More news on this next It will be completed before DP(F&S) DP(C&S) week. July.

New Election DP(E&W) Felix

David Roberts

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 -16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © Felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 1 March 1999 News

In brief... University Challenge

University Challenge here at Imperial, "Being

versity apparently would like to hear season is here once By Sunil Rao on IV is a lot of fun; the No Smoking Day from anyone who is in possession of again with the arrival of whole recording process concrete evidence that standards are application forms from Granada tele is a great laugh. It's hard work, but it's Wednesday 10 March is national No either being maintained or diluted. If vision. So how can you get involved? something you'll never forget!" Smoking Day, a day intended to help you feel you might be able to help, the Over two hundred colleges nation Teams from Imperial have tended people who want to stop smoking. Pre University invites you to contact Profes wide take part in the first selection to suffer In the past as, being a college vious years have proved very successful, sor Alderman, Middlesex University, round, from which the best twenty- of Science, Technology and Medicine, with over a million smokers regularly giv Trent Park, Bramley Road, London N14 four are pulled out to take part in the most students arc well versed on sci ing up for the day, and around forty 4YZ. televised rounds. I he competition is ence-related matters, but are woefully thousand quitting on a more perma quite tough, which is why the College ignorant of anything to do with the arts nent basis. Events promoting the day will is on the lookout to capture the very world - in stark contrast to most col be taking place throughout the country, Student Sub-Let best team it can. Imperial unfortunately leges across the country who have organised by various health promotion hasn't made it to the televised round trouble finding somebody to answer agencies, heart and cancer charities, Shocker since the 1996/97 season, but this year the science questions! Consequently, and smoking education bodies. things will hopefully be different - with you stand a very good chance of get Meanwhile Forest, the smokers' Two female students have been thrown Imperial aiming to repeat the suc ting on the team (and perhaps steer rights group, has urged students to out of Queen Mary and Westfield Col cesses of 1995/6, when they won the ing it to victory) if you're of the 'arty' gnore No Smoking Day, dismissing It as lege halls following the discovery during competition. persuasion. 'health fascism". In retaliation Forest is room inspections that their rooms were The squad will be selected via a If you're interested in having a go organising a trip to Paris for the day, and being sub-let. The inspections were trig quiz, which is expected to be held in and seeing if you might actually make is suggesting that students all over gered following the receipt of an anony early March, the four best performers it on to the team, or if you have any Britain should join them, to escape what mous letter at the Residences Office by will form the team, with a fifth person questions at all about the dates and Forest's director Simon Clark called "24 an irate student who had not been allot acting as reserve. The only require selection process, please email the ICU hours' continuous nagging from the ted a room in halls in any of her three ment is that, since the series will be Quiz Society at [email protected]. If you're humourless antismoking brigade". years at the college. aired from 1 999 to 2000, any team unsure about the standard of ques Despite Mr Clark's comments, No Smok Unconfirmed figures suggest that members must not just be current stu tions, you might wish to look at the ing Day can be a useful time for many one in every five rooms in the halls is dents; they must also be students for qualifying questions for the last four would be quitters,- as the UK has the permanently shared by a student and next year. years - they are all archived at highest smoking rate among 16-24 year- her or his "partner". Why would you want to take part? www.icparc.ic.ac.uk/ ~cah1/UC/. typi olds in Europe, this can only be a good According to Chris I larrison, president cally, qualifiers have tended to get at thing. of the ICU Quiz Society and sole mem least half these questions right. For more details contact Quitline BMA Racism Report ber of the winning team in 1996 still (0800 002200) or Forest (07071 766537). The British Medical Association (BMA) SAS Martial Art Academy invites you to has admitted that racism is not just rife, Virgin Internet Bid but institutionalised throughout the "whole culture" of the medical world THE MOVIEMAX FIGHTING SHOWCASE Virgin are investing £50 million to get all This comes as new research has shown In aid of the charity Whizz-kidz - the movement for non-mobile children. parts of the empire fitted with e-com- yet again that white applicants to med merce facilities. Virgin Net, the group's ical schools arc twice as likely to gain To be held in the Great Hall, Sherfield building, IC. nternet company, is also expanding its places as their black or Asian peers. th service and offering free web space The admission comes as institutions On Sunday, 7 March 1999 at 6.30pm (doors open at 6pm) and email addresses to the general pub across the country are facing wide lic, starting in May of this year. The spread condemnation and criticism Brace yourself for an evening of explosive, close quarter investment plans are all part of a more regarding their policies and outlook fighting as Sifu Andrew Sofos and his instructors demonstrate) general program of promoting internet towards racism in general. While many their skills in the art of Wing Chun Kung Fu including: growth, and in particular internet shop institutions have formed policies of not ping using Virgin outlets. While the tolerating racism in any form, it remains move seems like a prudent business a fact that ethnic minorities are six times Unbelievable 7 onto 1 decision, it remains to be seen whether more likely to face disciplinary action fighting with weapons the British public will want to purchase from the General Medical Council, while Blindfolded table fighting their plane and train tickets, music and consultants who are white are more Roof tile breaking video, financial services, wedding acces than three times more likely to obtain a Wood smashing sories and holidays over the net. And merit award than those from ethnic Demonstration of Wing Chun possibly their cola too. minorities. Moreover, junior doctors with wooden pole and swords Asian surnames have only half as much Wooden Man Fighting. a chance of getting shortlisted for an Falling Standards? NHS hospital job as others. This breath taking and fantastic evening will incorporate the The acceptance is by no means uni soundtracks of major films such as Pulp Fiction, James Following the creation of new Universi versal among the profession, however ties in 1991, concerns have repeatedly Prof Roderick MacSween, chairman of Bond, Rocky, Ben Hur, and many, many more... been raised regarding the possible dilu the Academy of Royal Medical Colleges All performances contain special effects and stunts (plus tion of the traditionally high academic said: "I do not think the medical pro comedy thrown in for good measure!). standards in British Universities. To inves fession is racist in any way. I am aware tigate these allegations, Middlesex Uni of accusations of racism. But the pro Tickets cost £6, £8, £10, or £12. versity is undertaking a study of fession has looked at it and is very con standards in universities and colleges of scious that it must not be seen to be e-mail hakon.tretvoil(g)ic,ac.uk or contact the SAS Martial Art higher education across Britain. The Uni racist at all." Academy on 0800 328 7086 or mobile 0850 200 648. 4 Linux Update 1 March 1999 The future's free*, the future's Linux * that's free as in 'free speech', not 'free beer' - a Linux distribution CD will cost you 2 quid

Last Wednesday Imperial's Linux User must have felt humbled, and with Group and DocSoc put on their first By Marc Broster good reason. Linux symposium, which consisted of finally Marco Luchini from the four short but informative talks on Maths department discussed using aspects of the Operating System (OS). Linux to network a group of PCs to pro The first talk was given by Ld Avis, vide high levels of processing power. a first year computing student, who I learnt more about parallel computing described the development of Linux in these 20 minutes than I did in a starting with work on UNIX in the 70s. term's course on the subject. This was Interesting even for those Overall, the event was excellent, who where familiar with Linux's back and the room was packed out with a ground; people were on the edge of good cross section of Imperial's pop their seats as Ed told us how the intro ulation,- students, lecturers, and a fair duction of (relatively) cheap PCs in the number of people from outside col 80s led to the development of MINIX, lege - one group even made the ardu intended to help with teaching OS ous journey from the Natural History principles, which provided the original museum. If you want to know about basis for Linux. future events, you can subscribe the to In parallel with this Thomas Sip- user group's mailing list; see pel-Dau installed Linux on a PC in the www.mallnet.co.uk/ ~marc/llnux.html room, and explained the handful of for details. option screens you go through during the process. The installation was sur Not just DoC students attended the meeting prisingly straightforward and took about 20 minutes, Ihe only problem some office applications and desktops, told us why Linux was ideal for scien being Thomas forgetting what he resulting in several cries of "I have got tific visualisation and simulation,- who entered for the root password (he got to get that" from the excited audience. ever was responsible for making it eventually). After a break for coffee Gerdjan Windows NT the dominant OS for a Next Sunny Chan demonstrated Busker from the Physics department certain department's computing lab *CU Your Union - Run for You IMPERIAL'COLLLGH UNION Letters & Small Ads 1 March 1999

More on Bike Theft Mary's Merger Welcome? farewell. Can we get a group discount? have nothing to complain about. I don't Regards really want to use the term block vote but Dear Felix, Teddington to property developers, the I will - it's not impossible for any group of medical school to a multinational. What's Final Year Students people to mobilise a block vote if they I write in response to Neil Forsyth's letter next? Arc the students at Mary's to be really want to. I do not personally advocate published in the last issue. leased out to film companies as extras? Has Reply: It (naturally) I'm just saying that any cam A couple of years ago, I used to cycle IC gone money mad? The promises made pus/department is capable of doing it. Per to and from College everyday. Within the by IC that the second year medics would Dear Final Year Students, haps this is something that those who arc first two months of commuting by bike, I n't be adversely affected by the merger We are unable to offer group dis here next year should think about it when had had TWO bikes stolen. The first time I have proved false. By selling the med counts, but we will be offering champagne the elections come round again. The point had parked it at the racks just outside the school IC will take away their home and and other extras to the members of the is though, that I don't wish the graphical rep Elec Eng main entrance, and the security probably ruin their medical school experi largest group booking we receive. Contact resentation of the votes to be just more fuel cameras were too far away to pick up any ence. What we are seeing now resembles [email protected] for more details. to the fire that fights integration. useful footage. So when I got my second an aggressive takeover with Mary's being Regards I'd like to end on a personal note. I bike I made sure I parked it right in front of broken up and sold to the highest bidder. thank ail those that contributed to my cam the two cameras outside RSM. When this Their minds don't appear to be on the Summer Ball Team paign, both emotionally and physically. second bike got stolen, the security camera important issue-the student. And who are There were so many people that helped picked up all the action, but because the these money men who control the path of that I can never really repay all of them. I infrared lights on the cameras were off-line, Imperial? I have a vision of Dr. Evil sitting in Cryptic Cock-ups was always told it was wrong to single any only the silhouette of the thief could be his large black leather chair plotting world one person out for praise as it belittles oth seen, and no identification could be made. domination and if anyone disagrees his, fin Dear Felix, ers efforts. However, I don't believe in that. Given this kind of situation. Security ger reaches for the red button under the There was someone that sacrificed a lot of could hardly make any claims on the effec table. I write with reference to Gnat Chum's Cryp time and effort, who faced the wind tun tiveness of the cameras. My objection is that Apparently, the discussions with Glaxo- tic Crossword. The crossword is normally nel that is the walkway, who ended days they should at least make sure that the cam Wellcome about the sale of the med school excellent, and provides a most stimulating smelling like a mixture of a print unit and eras are in perfect working condition at ALL have been going on for some months. distraction during Monday's afternoon lec a blu-tack factory and who gave me confi times. My advice to anyone who needs to This sort of issue only ever comes to the tures. However, I can't be alone in noticing dence and strength when I was over-run lock their bike on campus: don't use a attention of the student when it is leaked. that the clues arc becoming increasingly rid with doubt. Pascalc-thank you. brand-new bike (and if you want to use one, Is the information being with-hcld pur dled with typographical errors. A typo such Well done and good luck to the Fab give it a good bashing first so it looks worn posefully until everything is signed, sealed as replacing a double '!' with a single T is Five! out!), and take the saddle off when you and any student protest would be in vain? confusing, particularly in an anogramatical leave your bike. In fact - is Imperial being run by Tony Blair? clue, and you should realy (sic) appreciate Dennis Patrickson this. Worse still, accepting the presence of Carol Lo Steven Grant mistakes will encourage the reader to ques Elec Eng 4 Biochem II tion the accuracy of correctly presented Clearer Air in the Union clues. Dear Felix The answers given the following week Dear Felix, Nice one, RSM are often roughly accurate (1136: India for On Thursday the 18th of February, my Indian and Parsonage for Parsonages). Fur Your throat feels as though it's not felt the mountain bike was stolen from in front of To everyone involved in Cambourne vs thermore, in 1136,1 was somewhat thrown touch of water for years, your eyes sting like the BMS building where it was double RSM: by Gnat Chum's geography. Ihe clue "Four hell and visibility is poor at the very best. locked to the green side of the standing A couple of points:: teas with sugar in a trench town" should And then there are your lungs.... fence with a D-lock and a kryptonite cable i) Congratulations on a fantastic victory perhaps read "....in a German town", unless I am of course talking about the Union. lock. The event took place sometime over Cambourne. Long live tradition and there exists a second Stuttgart about which The WHOLE union. For when the union between 10am and 3pm, in broad day beer fights in the Union Bar. I am unaware. becomes active, a choking, cloaking field light and in an area where people are con ii) Apologies to everyone travelling to of smoke descends upon its interior. Now stantly walking by. Harlington for the matches against Cam- Yours etc. I myself have nothing against smokers as My bike was brand new -1 had it for bourne. Due to an honest administrative individuals, indeed I have some friends under two weeks, since this was a replace error some problems were experienced Sam Jandwich who smoke. But collectively I hate 'ya you ment bike for one that was stolen in early with the coaches. Hopefully by the time that selfish bastards I in November. As I am not allowed to bring Felix goes to print the post-event problems The Union last Friday was full of smoke, a bike into the BMS building, I ha ve no will have been resolved and we can live in Praise from Patrickson everywhere. Previously I had had to leave choice but to keep it locked outside. I think peace and harmony once more. Southside at half-time during England v. it is ridiculous that anyone who cycles Into iii) If anyone was offended by the Dear Felix France because I couldn't hack the smoke college every day should have to ride in a absence of the DP(C&S) at'the matches anymore (ok so maybe leaving at half-time severely dilapidated bike to discourage its then I must apologise. I had every intention I feel that I have a few things to say. Natu wasn't such a bad idea anyway). I am not theft because the college has no concern of being there to cheer RSM on but navi rally, I'm disappointed at not being elected the only non-smoker who has reservations over the property of their students and staff. gating the womens minibus until 4:30am but I congratulate Tasha on landing the over passive smoking. I hope I am not the I would be interested to see the total esti on Saturday morning unfortunately got the Presidency. I'm sure the Union will be in only student who will speak out against it. mated value of all of the bicycles reported better of me. Just thought I'd let you know... safe hands next year. The Presidential race I will not be forced to smoke - passively stolen from the college per year and won brought out a lot of good points and strong or otherwise. The air in London is bad der if this cost would be enough to stimu views that I hope will be followed up on - enough as it is. Should people like myself late a response from those in a position to It would be a shame to waste all the ideas be Inclined to stay away from the union take action or is it just a complete lack of Marie Nicholaou that were generated.' because of this? interest from those who are unaffected? Various students have had words of I'm not saying smoking should be In any event, the least the college commiseration for me today and some banned - but designate some areas non should do is make all staff and students Summer Ball Bookings had harsh words to say about St. Mary's. I'd smoking or at least get some decent air-con aware of the thefts and encourage people really appreciate it if this stopped. I think ditioning in and prove to us that the union to look for and report any witnessed events Dear Summer Ball Team, members of the Mary's campus are only isn't run by a bunch of insensitive grippers. that could help catch or deter the thieves. We are looking to purchase approx. 40 protecting their interests. All those that tickets for the Summer Ball for final year stu voted on the South Ken campus can have Andrew Vivian Terrie Sadusky-McCaul dents in our department to say their final a slight gripe but for those that didn't, you Biology II 1 March 1999 Editorial & Small Ads

Elections are Over disappointed. sents ICU, not ICSM. Likewise I hope Forget Drugs... Don't Sleep! The job of ICU President is to pro that the reverse prejudice, which still I wanted to avoid the subject, but it's tect the interests of all IC students, lurks in hacks' corners in ICU, can be No more e***"**s this year means no time for a little chat. Firstly, congratu regardless of their department or CCU. put aside. Judge sabbatical officers on more fortnights from hell for Felix, lations and all that to the five of you. Departments and CCUs have their own how they do the job, when they are which is undoubtedly a good thing. There are still a few mumblings in the representatives - ICSM have a full time doing it. I would be the first to admit One thing I will miss, though, is the bowels of IC about vote rigging, unfair sabbatical officer. When Andy Heeps that when Dave Hellard was elected post-tiredness adrenaline trip - that campaigning and suchlike, but I think was elected certain Union hacks trem last year, I was sceptical. I am pleased weird hallucinogenic state you enter it's safe to say elections are over. bled at the prospect of ICU being taken to say that my scepticism was unwar when you stay up for thirty hours, get Let's be honest, though; many of over by ICSM. It didn't happen. In the ranted, and that I have been proven two hours sleep, and then stay awake you non-medics are not happy with registry a sabbatical officer is listed as wrong. Becoming a sabb changed the for another twenty-four. I have not the outcome. Many of you are scream an 'interdepartmental postgraduate'. way I acted and thought about stu experienced it in its full 'is that a rabbit ing 'block vote' and cursing the ICSM You leave your departmental and other dents, ICU, and ICSTM. Once again or a Volvo?' splendour since the regu Exec under your breath. I think much of prejudices behind when you sign the may I wish Natasha, Tim, Ian, Kevin lar clubbing days of my first year. So what Dennis says in his letter opposite contract. I hope that everyone will and Dave all'the best. No doubt Felix, sorry if I bumped into anyone last week is right. I also think that if the medics remember that. and its readers, will form opinions and murmured an apology about lamp did all vote for Natasha simply because If the medics want to vote for a about you next year. Until then (and posts. If you get regular sleep and have she is 'one of them' and to protect medic, I can't see a problem, as long probably not then anyway), I'm saying never experienced it, try it out - before medical interests, they are likely to be as they remember that officer repre- nothing more on the subject. that nine to five office job starts. - Ed

Engineering Informa Modem for Sale Royal Society Journals Now Online

tion Resources PCMCIA modem by Digicorp, The Library is now subscribing to the electronic, as well as the printed version, of the following publications of the Royal Society of London: 3 March, 2.15pm-4pm Introductory Talk 28.8kB/s speed, brand new 4 March, 1-2pm Compendex Proceedings of the Royal Society of London A: Mathematical, Physical and 9 March, 1-2pm NTIS and boxed Engineering Science II March, 1-2pm ANTE Proceedings of the Royal Society of London B: Biological Sciences 16 March, 1-2pm INSPEC comes with all hard and software Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society of London A: Mathematical, 18 Marhc, 1-2pm Metadex (sealed), Includes some internet/mail Physical and Engineering Sciences All take place in Central Library Level 5 software,£30, Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences

Call 0171 244 8060 or email Access is limited to members of IC and will be from Imperial College Deadline for letters is [email protected] campuses only. A username and password are not required. The WWW address is: 12noon Wednesday. URL: www.pubs.royalsoc.ac.ukMODEM for sale.

Letters may be edited for length, but will not be altered in any other way. Interested in spending Engineers vs Scientists Programming Tuition Letters need not be signed, but a swipe card must be shown when sub 3 months in Nepal this Having trouble with your computing mitting anonymous letters. Paintball course? For private tuition by first class summer for subsidised IC computing graduate, call James on £20 Including lunch on 0181 378 5442 or email research? Saturday 6th March [email protected] Sign-up in your departments. We would need a (female) medic to join us for the means of a research on Rag Mag the interactions between Western Evian Reps Required medicine and traditional healing Still on sale for only 70p methods. Nominal Bursary Available from the Union Office, Felix Good experience and Waterstone's. Contact: All proceeds to give rag charities Isabelle Floyaux: [email protected] Contact [email protected]

Exam Stress Workshop City & Guilds Meeting

'Emotional Preparation' led byClaudio Caivi, Psychotherapist Officers and members committee meeting. Imperial College Health Centre Thursday 11lh March, 5.30pm, Guilds News Meeting- 12pm- Office (Mcch tng Room 340) Clubscene "f12pm Wednesday 10 & 17 March, 3.00 - 4.30pm Papers to be submitted by 5pm Thurs

Thursday Attendance on both days necessary Bicycle Hospital Phoent , a c T2pm Bookings required - 0171 59 (49381) Low cost bicycle repairs, spares and Friday sales on campus. The workshop will provide opportunities to share concerns and explore better Call James on 0181 378 5442 or email News Meeting . 1.20pm ways of handling stress and anxiety during revision and exams. [email protected] Music Meeting 1.30pm s 1 March 1999

fell, I'll go to the foot of our for ages- but I am sure lhat she will fol possible, for a camera would 'infringe ore worryingly, Nell suggest stairs. Five posts filled in one low in the footsteps of Andy Heeps, the privacy of other local residents.' that the local police are get- Wlfou l swoop. RON got who ban Leaving aside Miitin g a tad annoyed by the absolutely nowhere, which must have ished such the fact that continued petty thefts from IC. Losing upset the Rector, but it does mean we notions from Simon Baker most resi the police's goodwill would be disas will not have to endure this malarkey his mind. dents are trous for College, the ramifications of again this year. Congratulations to all The Mary's probably which extend far beyond additional concerned, who seem to be a pretty mob were resigned to pissed up students getting banged up solid bunch of chaps and chapess. It defeated the intrusion on a Friday night outside the Union. was reassuring to see so many choose elsewhere in that is Imper This would be precisely the sort of to stand this year and while some will the use of ial College, thing that could harm relations with debate the relative proportions of qual New Election this seems to the local authorities vis-a-vis planning ity and quantity, it bodes well for Impe block votes, be a bit of a applications. rial. which is red herring, College Security have had a pretty The Presidential race was particu great news, because the good track record of late, and I'm not just larly encouraging from the candidate but repre camera need saying that (though they do know were count perspective, though it did not sents a far only be posi I live...). My own department benefits require Mystic Meg to predict the result more tioned in from some superb staff, as do many of from the outset. Though in no way pathetic order that it the other buildings on campus, repre meant as a slight at Natasha Newton, spectacle. I points senting a significant improvement on a this election will be won by a medic on have no towards few years ago. Bike theft remains their every occasion that they choose to doubt that Princes Gar Achilles' heel, so their apparent reluc field a candidate. Which, of course, the success dens. If this tance to tackle the problem effectively brings me to the block vote. In a touch ful candi SMS required addi makes no sense. ing show of solidarity with the TUC, dates so tional light one man decided how the whole med affected will ing, so be it. ical school voted [er, not this time have the While this is fhile on the subject of Impe Simon - Ed], displaying unprecedented magnanim Voice of Reason clearly no rial's incredibly limited unanimity. To be fair, it is amazing ity to treat panacea, the resources, it was curious to that Wade Gayed could organise any them with same respect they exercise existence of a well-publicised camera note that we have more staff earning thing successfully, but he has clearly when dealing with the rest of us. would deter some and make the £50,000+ than Oxford and Cambridge pulled out all the stops on this one,' detection of crime considerably easier. combined. This concerns me. Don't perhaps explaining his conspicuous- The 'advantage' of bike crime over get mc wrong, I have no problem ness of late matching that of Salman eil Forsyth's excellent letter other forms of theft is the concentra with paying our academics a decent Rushdie in downtown Tehran. The about College Security raises tion of the targets- it is not that hard salary. On the contrary, I strongly upshot of the departmental voting Nman y important points. Impor to cover all of College's bike stands. believe that the best researchers means that Natasha won convincingly tant, but far from novel, because this This should not prove to be very costly, should be properly rewarded. National in only the medical campuses and Sil has been dragging on for as long as and is certainly better than plain pay scales should, of course, be wood. The St Mary's vote was quite anyone can remember. Column miles clothes operation by the police. At this scrapped, giving universities complete overwhelming, have been written point, someone freedom to pay representing 92% "It was good to see by myself and oth will bleat about "...It never ceases whatever they of the votes cast ers, with precious resources. It want, including there. so many little positive out never ceases to to amaze me how the introduction Across the come, and several amaze mc how of performance- 'old' College, the candidates...while some incidents spring to some people some people have the related pay. vote was not so mind; the have the bare My unease resounding. I won will debate the relative best/worst must faced cheek to bare-faced cheek to stems from der if the surely be the bike block small, another question- inevitability of the proportions of removed by cut important projects block important how many are block vote is in ting a Walkway in the name of academic staff? part responsible quality and quantity, it bikestand with a tight budgets, at projects in the name of Unfortunately, for galvanising the powersaw without an institution such figures are apathy of IC, lead bodes well for Imperial." anyone batting an whose track tight budgets..." not published by ing people . to eyelid. For what record for profli EIEFCE, so I have to ignore the elections. Possibly, but il seems like a reasonably simple prob gacy makes Imelda Marcos' footwear limit myself to catching whispers on certainly makes a mockery of the lem to tackle, the College attitude has collection look frugal. The College pro the breeze from others discussing the process. Some may call for a return to always been puzzling and deeply dis duced a £12 million surplus in 97/98, same point in the SCR. The truth is first past the post, a vastly superior appointing. Ken giving us overall that we seem to have a significant system in my humble opinion, but at Weir's letter was reserves of £42.7 number of people in Sherficld on the end of the day, ICU will elect its uncharacteristi "...this election will be million. On this such salaries. I suppose this is to be officers in much the same way as the cally unconvinc basis alone, there expected with such a bloated man old Labour Party until the medics grow ing, raising more won by a medic on is no excuse for agement structure caused by decades up and start using their not inconsid questions than it not spending a of empire building. However, that erable brains to think for themselves. sought to answer. every occasion that they 'few thousand on does not make it acceptable. It would Still, you can't blame Natasha for The obvious the necessary be an interesting exercise to sec how the behaviour of her sheep-like col move, as Neil sug choose to field a cameras; if it costs much money could ploughed into leagues, so I wish her the very best. gests, would be to anymore than academic salaries by taking a machete She could be forgiven for thinking that install a camera or candidate..." that, it'll be due to to our administration. the medics are the only people that two to cover the the use of a Col Go on, Suite live, what do you count - why not, since much of College Southside bike racks, and for that mat lege Approved Cowboy, er Contractor, say? We could even get the consul senior management has thought that ter, all the others. This apparently is not but don't get me started on that. tants in on this one... 1 March 1999 Columns

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D0MsT THINfc. TOt^g-E- vlOTtVAT^

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ICU Students' Handbook 1999 Jc LE

Advertising Manager Features Editor ! To market advertising space in the ICU To write entertaining, quality features of Handbook to potential customers. I relevance to future students. I To organise and administer the To encourage other ICU students to con bookings. tribute to the Handbook. I To attend and work with the Hand To attend and work with the Handbook I book committee. committee. I To ensure all artwork is received and To ensure that all features are ready to | is ready for publication. publish before deadline.

Applications for either position are invited from any full member of ICU.

Pay £400. Positions to commence at the end of term and run until the end of next term. For more information contact David Roberts at [email protected]

Apply with a CV to Mandy Hurford in the Union Office before Friday 1 9 March. 10 Arts 1 March 1999 THE HOUSE OF BERNARDA ALBA Rose Bruford College at the ICA

he Playwright was dragged out of play, yet the sisters have each fallen In and suffocating. The company succeed as Adela - a persuasive portrayal is really bed just before dawn. Fear and love with an almost mythical male fig except for one slip. At the end of the needed here because, as the youngest Tconfusion hit him like a bomb blast ure, Pepe el Romano, who they talk second act, the family discover that vig daughter, she embodies the last ray of in a crowded street. He was half-naked about all the time since they see him as ilantes are about lo lynch a single hope. but they insisted he go out into the their only means of escape. mother. They respond by facing the In one scene, Inghammer acciden yard behind the house; someone kicked In one sense, Ihe play is a damning audience and shouting 'Kill her!', which tally tripped over a chair, but she recov him hard. They stopped at a spot near indictment of the parochialism of rural was laughably amateur. ered, making the incident look a big tree; the Playwright noticed one of deliberate. This shows great confidence them had a gun. They told the Play and although there must have been wright he could smoke a cigarette, but first-night nerves, all the actors displayed his hands were shaking too badly to a level of technical competence which light it. Sometime later a five-year old girl marked them out as professionals. The found the Playwright's body lying in a only other accident was a rope sud ditch. Her father said he remembered denly dropping from the flies: it looked hearing a gunshot early one morning. like a noose. Heavy with symbolism per The Playwright was Federico Garcia haps, but I don't think it was intended! Lorca, and this is how I imagine his You've missed the chance to catch murder by Fascist soldiers. The murder this show, but the company are putting took place a short time after he had fin on a season of popular plays at the ICA ished writing the play The House of (Institute of Contemporary Arts). If this Bernada Alba. The year was 1936 and first performance is anything to go by, the Spanish Civil War was just beginning. the others are well worth seeing. Lorca is one of the finest writers of the Remember, we're talking Rose Bruford 20th century and this production by College (up there with RADA) which drama students at the famous Rose Bru means you could see actors who ford College is one of the finest plays I become the next Kate Winslet or Ralph have seen recently. The story docu life - Jean de Florette without Gerard The entire cast gave good perfor Fiennes. And you saw them first, which ments the isolated and loveless experi Depardieu, if you like. But it is more than mances. In particular, 1 lorencia Cordeu is definitely worth £4 of anyone's ence of sisters trapped in a house by just historical reportage; it explores the convincingly played an old woman in money. their oppressive and insensitive mother, isolation that everyone feels at times. A the demanding but vital role of Bernada Bernada Alba. There are no men in the good interpretation needs to be intense Alba. Karin Inghammer was excellent William Burns TOAST Royal Court Theatre Upstairs

et in a Yorkshire bread factory in the worked in the bread industry and the does this by making their humdrum lives and in fact relieved that in the end noth 1970s, Toast is essentially an exam director, Richard Wilson (One Foot in the appear more convincing and it really ing has changed. The plant is faced with S ination of the different ways in Crave) ensures that none of the humour does feel weird to be so enthralled by the closure and the workers are forced to which people cope with monotony and is lost. There are some very funny scenes, monotony of their lives. confront their real feelings about their boredom. Indeed, the factory staff room jobs. This illustrates the characters' feel during the Sunday night shift may not ings of being trapped, and their lack of seem the most exciting of locations for control over their own lives. Yet we are a play, but you will find yourself capti also shown their strange reluctance to vated and reluctant to leave. leave it, and to keep everything how it With no plot as such, the charm lies has always been. in the extraordinary and fascinating char Another recurring theme in the play acters, and with an excellent cast to play is identity, and how to define yourself them, the personalities of all seven are when you have no specific role in life but brought out brilliantly. Mark Williams (ted tinning bread. Again, we are shown how Dwarf, The Fast Show) and Sam Kelly each of the characters copes with their (Coronation Street) ate two of the better anonymity and we leave with a real feel known ones, but on board are also two ing of knowing and understanding each proficient Shakespeare actors and some of them. very experienced theatre stars. You'll want to be back to see what Each of them has a different way of happens in the next shift. getting through the 12-hour shifts - there's the realist, the optimist, the Judy dimwit, the hard worker, the escapist, the self important one and the lunatic. Until 6th March Throughout the course of the play they reveal their idiosyncrasies, motivations and Bean's obvious insider knowledge A staggering turn of events adds a Nearest Tube: Leicester Square and details about their outside lives. adds an element of authenticity that hint of promise on the storyline front, but Tickets: £5 concessions, standing 10p The play is written by stand-up come somehow seems to make the play all the when nothing comes of this you will Performance times: Monday - Saturday dian Richard Bean who has actually more entrancing. It is strange in that it find yourself surprisingly undisappointed 7pm 1 March 1999 Arts 11 BLOOD WEDDING Union Concert Hall

he first production by the newly aided by dazzling lighting effects and merged ICSM Drama Society was well-chosen excerpts of classical music. TFederico Garcia Lorca's Blood Wed The dramatic effects were impressive, ding, performed on 17, 19 and 20 Feb although it was occasionally difficult to ruary. follow the action (trying to take photos The play is set in 1920s rural Spain, at the same time probably didn't help, and tells the true story of an ill-fated though). Congratulations are due to wedding. The bride, daughter of a director Rosic Bcal-Prcston, and her assis wealthy hemp farmer, is still in love with tant Ranti Atijosan for an impressive per Leonardo (incidently the only named formance. We can only look forward to character), who is now married with a their next production. child. Leonardo's family has been involved in a feud with the bridegroom's Garclh family, in which the groom's father and brother have been killed, leaving his mother nervous and protective of him. Still with me? Good. Straight after the wedding, the bride runs away with Leonardo and the groom chases them. He catches the fugitives after a moonlit pursuit through the forest, and both he and Leonardo are killed in the ensuing fight. Although the plot is actually fairly straightforward, Blood Wedding is heavy on symbolism and meaning. The script is quite stylised, with much repetition of phrases and ritualism. Lorca wrote it in the style of a Greek tragedy; forces beyond the characters' control take over their actions. In this case the main themes are love and family - the blood of the title refers to feuds and heredity through with dignity. mother of the groom. The sets, as much as it does to the murders. Despite the complex and at times makeup and costumes were The strongest characters in the play strained script, the production was also very well done, giving the are the women,- the bride, the groom's extremely good. The cast turned in great whole performance a distinctly mother and Leonardo's wife. They are performances throughout - in particular, Spanish feel. There was a real left to cope after the deaths, and come Farah Rchman was excellent as the intensity lo the later scenes, HARRODS INTERNATIONAL PIANO SERIES Royal Festival Hall

his year is the tenth anniversary returned to play Debussy's first book respected pianisl was on stage at As did Barenboim, Pletnev came of the annual international of Preludes, one of my favourite cre the Royal Festival Hall, the Russian back for a few encores. He also Tpiano series on the South Bank. ations by any composer. It was sim Mikhail Pletnev. His recital was yet played one of Chopin's Nocturnes to The Royal Festival Hall has invited ply breathtaking. another stab at perfection. Ihe only the audience's delight and finished the stars for the occasion. He performed the pieces with problem was that he made a last off with a hilarious and touching ren Daniel Barenboim, one of the astounding ease and virtuosity, minute change in his programme, dition of The Musical Box. i world's most loved pianists, per bringing out the simplicity and splen replacing some pieces by Bach for Both concerts were marvellous - formed on 7 February. The hall was did musicality of Debussy's work. Rachmaninoff, which caused much a rare experience to witness gen absolutely full, even with extra seats The audience showed its apprecia distress, lo some members of Ihe uinely enchanting performances. added on stage near the magnifi tion and begged for an encore. audience. this distinguished series of con cent piano. I was lucky enough to be Barenboim was very generous and In the end though, they were certs al Ihe Royal Festival Hall con ! sitting rather high up in the balcony. came back on stage more than once, toned to admire the pianist's talent, tinues throughout the Spring with The view was simply stunning, with playing a beautiful Nocturne by tie also performed some Lyric Pieces other wonderful inlernational the people surrounding the per Chopin, another personal favourite. by Gticg thai were highly poetic and pianists coming to London. Artists former and his instrument. Baren- His performance was very refreshing amusing. At this point, Pletnev won include; Imogen Cooper, Maurizio boim's programme was a treat. Fie and a great reminder of his the heart of his spectators. I lis inter Polloni and Alfred Brendcl - unmiss started off with two sonatas by undoubted talent (this was his first pretation was spotless. His faultless able cont oris for anyone who enjoys Beethoven, both quite famous and appearance in Britain since the end sense of feeling and expression moments ol pure magic. lovely pieces of music. His interpre of the 80s). His career has spanned were inspiring - he; seemed to live tation was perfect and tremendously over 40 years and he is still at the what he was playing. I have; rarely D. expressive. height of his powers. seen such deep involvement in a

After a well-deserved interval, he On 21 February, another well performer. 12 Arts 1 March 1999

PARSIFAL English National Opera, London Coliseum

he ENO is renowned in London for ian myths (Chretien de Troyes' legends and the details seem to take on an visually stunning opera. All the designers making opera much more accessi in particular). He was also influenced by immense importance. involved have made a great creative Tble to people other than opera Schopenhauer's beliefs and Buddhist tra- The ENO has worked in collaboration effort to modernise the decor, lighting fanatics. All of its performances are in the and costumes. Their ideas are very inven English language, making it easy for tive and appropriate to the theme. The everyone to understand. This generally choreographer also made a brilliant job creates an odd effect, especially if you're of bringing a lot of movement to the var used to hearing the pieces in their orig ious scenes. The direction is haunting inal language, which is often much more and very complex, to the Image of Wag musical (especially for the Italian com ner's original vision. The artists' voices are posers). But ENO productions are mostly a dream. All the men deliver absolutely of very high quality and their repertoire beautiful solos and the only female char is quite varied and exciting. acter sings with breathtakingly purity. Parsifal is one of Wagner's master The only shortcoming of this pro pieces, first performed in 1882. The story duction is that it lasts a total of five and is quite complicated so I will try my best a half hours including the intervals! How to make it as coherent as possible. Titurel ever the time flies by with such exciting creates an order of chivalry to guard the delight for the eyes and ears. This is Holy Grail. His son Amfortas is then cho opera at its best, drawing intensely on sen by the knights to succeed him. the audience's emotions and pushing Meanwhile Klingsor is refused admis them to their limits, both moral and phys sion as a member and turns to sorcery, ical. I can only recommend this to every wounding Amfortas with the Spear from one. Opera made accessible both the Grail. He can only be healed by a financially and artistically is quite rare, so pure fool made wise. While in agony, just give it a try! Amfortas is unable to officiate the knights' ritual. This Is when Parsifal comes D. into the picture. He has fatally injured a swan to the horror of all the knights. To Nearest tube: Leicester Square/Charing spare you too many details, Parsifal Cross (played by Kim Begsley, pictured) turns Tickets: student standby £18, standing out to be the pure fool the knights have ditions, which account for the richness of with companies in San Francisco and room £2.50 been searching for. Wagner's inspiration the themes explored in this opera. All the Chicago for this production. The result is Performance dates: March 3,16 & 19 at for this work includes pagan and Christ heroes' actions have deep meanings overwhelming. I have rarely seen such a 5pm, March 6 & 13 at 4pm GREAT AMERICAN CHOREOGRAPHERS Pacific Northwest Ballet at Sadler's wells

eturning to Britain following Rachmaninoff's Suite No.2, op.17 for their successful contribution at Two Pianos composed in 1901 (pic Rthe Edinburgh Festival last year, tured right). As the title suggests, four the Seattle-based Pacific Northwest couples perform a sequence of pas Ballet, founded in 1 972, makes its de deux to four contrasting move London debut with a mixed pro ment styles (march, waltz, romance gramme of innovative modern dance. and tarantella). Unfortunately, this First on the bill was Aract, a work dissonant act was somewhat dimin commissioned to celebrate the recent ished by unflattering and uninven- 25th anniversary of the company. Set tive costumes. to a piano piece by the post-mini Finally, The four Temperaments malist composer Fitkin, the animated choreographed by George Balanchine performance fluently blends serenely is considered the visually stunning classical elements with more jazzy signature piece of the Pacific North influences (pictured left). west Ballet. This act was the definitive The world premiere of In the highlight of the evening, warmly Courtyard choreographed by Donald received and appreciated by the audi Byrd was the next offering in the ence. The confident interpretation of schedule. The modern sound record such an intricate and technically ing combined with powerful lighting demanding ballet reveals the impres and vivid costumes produced a mem sive standard attained by this accom orable and striking ensemble. plished 50-strong troupe. Staged by PNB artistic director Kent Stowell, Quaternary is set to Tanya 1 March 1999 Not the News 17 Pratt Smashes Walking Record

This week Dr Pratt smashed his own board is retreated from in the conven record for walking backwards during a lec By Ross Newell tional way. finally the lecturer completes ture. Dr Pratt held the previous record for the circle and the process is repeated. walking backwards during a lecture at other lecturers, but having mastered this bols, then the board is retreated from This system is unpopular because of 10.7km in a 50 minute lecture. However he turned his attention to the more diffi while still facing the surface in order to the offence caused to Jane and often on Monday Dr Pratt broke his own record, cult cyclic jog. show respect for the great Jane, often results in expulsion from the sect of Acad- pushing back all the limits, and left the The linear walk (LW) is the standard including a large bow disguised as tripping emia. However it does have some per record standing at 15.8km. homage used by the lecturer. Lecturers over absolutely nothing and landing flat formance benefits. Since the lecturer Dr Pratt, who likes to be known as Dr are taught the LW on entering the pro on their behind. The process is repeated, never stops walking and always walks in Cool (though more commonly referred to fession and most use no other. In this all the time chanting complete rubbish. a backward direction, the distance walked as 'Oh God it's him, hide'), is known and method the lecturer approaches the The cyclic jog however does not during a lecture is often double that avoided throughout the Shep Main Dept board forwards often bowing to the God approach the board forward instead the obtainable using a LW and hence has for his unique personality. He has been dess of the Blackboard, Jane. Sometimes lecturer walks backwards towards the been the target of many professional practising backwards walking in the Ter the bow is disguised as tripping up on the board thus showing his or her disrespect backwards walkers for some time. None race Lecture Theatre while no students are bin/chalk/carpet/air. Once the blackboard for Jane, and continues to walk backward however have managed to perfect the present (during his lectures). Previously he is reached some sacrificial chalk is offered past the board, often writing some blas method until now. had been using the linear walk like most using sacred and incomprehensible sym phemous symbols on the board. Then the After 2 years of practice Dr Pratt has perfected the backwards walk and put it Imperial College Union Operatic Society presents into practice in order to break his own record. During the lecture Dr Pratt walked in 1456 complete circles all in the reverse direction. He used 28,343 footsteps and spoke 123,000 words explaining what a wonderful person he is. During the lecture he explained how he had single handedly solved all Shep Main related problems ever, including ones previously solved before his birth. He went on to say what a wonderful person he is. He explained how the walk was sponsored and he would raise £10,000 pounds for the DPAF. He finished the lec ture by giving a 15min talk on how won derful he is. The Dr Pratt Awareness Fund (DPAF) is a charity set up by Dr Pratt to spread the word about Dr Pratt and all the wonder ful things he does. It organises TV, Radio, Magazine and newspaper interviews for Dr Pratt, with all procedes from the inter views going to the DPAF. The DPAF is focusing on the third world where people haven't learned to avoid Dr Pratt yet and may still donate money to continue his self promotion campaign. The DPAF hopes that eventually there will be no one who docs not know about Dr Pratt and he will be able to be on TV or Radio 24 hours per day, with a string of fans following him around explaining what a wonderful per son he is. Al the moment Dr Pratt has no fans despite most of the first world being aware of his existence. Some people believe that Dr Pratt may become more popular if he had a slightly less obnoxious personality - none have been able to tell this to Dr Pratt due to his refusal to stop talking about what a wonderful person he is. Once the walk was over everyone went to the dinner party organised by Dr Pratt for himself. Everyone ate some food, drank some drink, listened to Dr Pratt, 2"" - 6fh March 1999 at 7:30pm in the Concert Hall, Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Road, kicked his head in and went home. London SW7. Tickets £4 (students), £6 (non-students), available at Union from week commencing Dr Pratt gives weekly lectures in Ter 22 February. Music and Lyrics by Frank Loesser. Book by Jo Swerling and Abe Burrows. Based race equation manipulation in the Terrace on stories and characters by Damon Runyon. This amateur production is given by permission of Lecture theatre every Wednesday after Joseph Weinberger Ltd on behalf of Music Theatre International of New York. noon. II you can, try not to be there. 18 Music 1 March 1999 Albums STEREOPHONICS Performance and Cocktails

remember hearing Local Boy in Ihe everything together quite nicely, the first your finger on. Some bands have it, Photograph for the first time - it was two singles show how he can change some bands don't. The Stereophonies I on some random indie compilation from one style to the other while still have it and unlike the first album, they of 'one's to watch out for.' I was blown maintaining his distinctly recognisable now know how to use it. away by it. I wanted to buy their album warble. He ram-raids his way through I finish with a plea for an endan straightaway, only to find that they did The Bartender and The Thief which I'm gered species. The tigers of rock 'n' roll n't even have a record deal. Since then, convinced Is about two lesbians, while are dying out or being killed off. Don't let they signed to V2, knocked up one of quietly building on a soulful verse into a them die. Fight for your right to rock. the best out and out rock 'n' roll albums screaming chorus on Just Looking. True, you could easily call this album of '97 and were rewarded for their Singles arc scattered throughout this Word Gets Around Again but as some extensive touring by notching up unex album like sabbatical election posters bloke once said, 'If it ain't broke, don't pectedly high sales. Word has a funny on the walkway. / Wouldn't Believe Your fix it, baby.'El way of getting around, you know. Radio sounds like a distant cousin of the Dennis Performance & Cocktails is their sec Manics' cover of Raindrops Keep falling ond album and it's a stonker. It's hard to On My Head. Is Yesterday Tomorrow's say how many bands like this will be Today? is probably the biggest single Stereophonies, a bunch of around come the turn of the millenium. here and its radio-friendly nature will chirpy chappies. Rock 'n' roll is changing and if there isn't probably mean a high chart entry (even a searing drum loop or random vocal though the charts mean next to nothing sample blitzing through the distortion, nowadays). Hurry Up and Wait is another people don't seem to be buying it - it's one of those soul-searching numbers a shame really because they're missing akin to one of their previous singles, out on a treat. Traffic. T-Shirt Suntan could be seen as Kelly's powerful, gravelly, nicotine- standard rock fare but there's something stained, throat-scratching voice pulls special there that you can't quite put

SLEATER KINNEY Q-BURNS ABSTRACT MESSAGE The Hot Rock Feng Shui No Stars

progressed, but it is quite obvious that hen I first received this album, strings, more often than not, combined this is the same band that graced on our I immediately thought 'What a with triangles and strange beeps. The shores in '97. They're sarcastic and cut W stupid name for a group, I 'vocals' consist of out of tune words, ting edge. They're exuberant in a violent wonder if the album will be just as bad'. though more often they consist of sort of way. Their guitars flirt with you I wasn't let down. This album takes the strange wailing sounds. I guess if you with their stop-start jutting before going word poor to new dimensions, but in like minimalist sounds (and talent) then for the jugular with frighteningly simple the interests of journalism, I forced this is the album for you. If Q-burns' hooks. They have an adorable way of myself to listen to the whole bloody abstract message is that these 'sounds' twinning dual vocal and guitar action thing. Why is it so bad then? All the are some sort of musical statement and when this is executed they produce tracks on the album feature very simple then it is too abstract for anyone to pick the most exhilarating flashpoints of the sounds using synths, guitars, drums, up on. If, however, the abstract mes album - Burn Don't Freeze and One some sort of giant wind chime and, sage Is that Q-burns have no musical occasionally, vocals. Now, what makes Song for You being glorious examples of talents whatsoever then they have hit this album so bad, is that all the tracks this thrilling interplay. the nail of the head. Absolutely pathet sound exactly the same; you don't They have grown up a bit, though. ic and should be avoided at any costH know when one track has finished and Sleater Kinney - they Not a lot, mind - just a bit. There is defi Gurm another one has begun (and no the raaaawwwkk. nitely a tighter feel to some of the tracks. album is not mixed!). There are eleven It's a fact that it took twice as long as to tracks on this album, and it seems that record as Dig Mc Out. However, when Q-burns have made no attempt at that time is clocked in at three and a half doing anything original or creative, and leater-Kinney. Sounds a bit like a weeks, you won't be changing that rad have simply used the 'cut and paste' law firm, doesn't it? A reputation ically- it's still smashy, it's still trashy, it's option on whatever music programme and a good name built on pro still shouty, it's still pouty, it's still punk S they happened to be using as much as fessional dependability and good taste. that goes straight for the throat, it still possible. In fact, it seems that absolute It's actually a female trio, which I always gets you excited and it still resonates with ly no time has been taken over this have a lot of time for, from the U.S. and sharp sassiness. Sleater-Kinney - not a law album - the whole thing was probably they're a Hole (sic) lot better than firm, then. Just a greatly underrated punk- created during a commercial break in another band that I'm not going to pop band. CI the middle of Richard and Judy. It does mention in this review. For those of you Dennis n't make easy listening, because the that were lucky enough to hear their tracks 'do your f****n' head in', nor is it first release on British soil, Dig Mc Out, dance or indie. Basically, the tracks arc you'll already know that they rock out made up of simple beats (when they like the proverbial bastard. appear) and the most simplest of It'd be unfair to say that they haven't 1 March 1999 Music 19 Albums GENE

o appreciate an album like this guarantee it'll be worth the effort. You'll The album is multipurpose in the you need to be three things: find yourself returning to it again and sense that, of the 13 tracks available, T again...you could never get bored of it. you always seem to be able to find one (a) A thinker Tracks 3 and 13 Love Won't Work to fit the mood you are in. It is released and You'll Never Walk Again arc classic on through Polydor on March 1st, and (b) A dreamer examples of what Gene do best. With the first single from it As Good As It lyrics like' Is it too late to find someone? Gets, produced by Hugh Jones, was (c) A romantic. I lie in wait to be undone by anyone' released on the 15th of this month. Their sung with the feeling and emotion that tour begins Sunday 21 st February at Cam If you are not any of these things Rossiter is able to convey become truly bridge Junction and ends March 25th at then I can assure you that you wont like soul-touching stuff the torum, fondon (support tbc).E] this album. If on the, other hand you There is a lack of any tracks about Dennis are, then read on. confused sexuality of the sort that could With the genius of Martin Rossiter be found on Gene's massive debut at the helm and a truly fantastic band album Olympian. They seem to be a behind him, you can be sure that a Gene more mature band and are now com album will never disappoint. Compar fortable with subjects like this yet still isons made in the past about the simi never disappoint in the sexy song depart larities in singing styles of Rossiter and ment. In their previous album Drawn Morrisey could still be made here but Into The Deep End this came in the form Is this the new hard nut image there is one crucial difference...Gene do of New Amusements. Here, The Looker for Gene? Give It up you It better, a lot better. is the glimpse into Rossiters darker, most wusses. Each track gives the listener a tiny lustful side. glimpse into the mind of Rossiter. He Most of the tracks are punchy with sings with a phenomenal amount of pas the odd heart wrenching number tucked sion which is, in my opinion, always a bit In between. All contain something extra of a novelty and something often lacking to make them stand out from the rest. in the many of today's bands. The prob The overall style of the album is more lem that arises from the complexity of an akin to Olympian than Drawn In to The intelligent album like Revelations is that Deep End. The best two tracks, You'll you cannot expect to pick it up, listen to Never Walk Again and Love Won't Work, it once and love it immediately. This is an are made great by Rossiters amazing album that needs just that little bit more vocals but would be nothing without the time to get into, but when you do I can talent of the rest of the band in the rear.

Singles

Sheryl Crow - Anything But Down that word grates) band you come to think of. As soon being played through pillows, the drums are actually bis Including two live acoustic tracks, which is what Ms. as 747 starts to get going, it finishes. What's all that cuit tins and you can just tell the singer's jiggling about Crow excels at, this is what we've come to expect and about then? the studio. Look boys; don't give up your day jobs. This there's nothing new here. With a mellow guitar, Coun is your day job? Shame. try drums and the safe, "I think it's all over now love, ESSENTIAL CHOON so bugger off" lyrics she pulls no punches. It's bound The Supernaturals - Everest to shift units by the bucket load. Another one with one track. When will the madness Inch feat. Mark E. Smith - Inch end? This is a ballad of the highest proportions (ged- Eve 6 - Leech Value for money or what! Five whole tracks seem loads dit? Everest. I'm wasted here, I really am) and it's quite What is it with acoustic sets this week? Arguably the best 'til you notice they're all mixes of the same song. Is enjoyable. There arc some lovely harmonious vocals song on this single is Inside Out and not Leech, which there such a thing as industrial-bigbeat-mctal? Can and the lyrics are touchingly normal whilst clever. It's is in itself a fantastically trashy pop song in the Everclear someone invent it please? The beat's the centrepiece still not a patch on Day Before Yesterday's Man though. vein. It's got a really Infectious chorus coupled with a here and it certainly hits you, along with a raw bass and ra soft verse and you can't help singing to it. But will it be the mandatory twiddly synth. Purposeful. Christian a hit? 'Course not, we've got Steps.

The Junket - You're The Same Monster Magnet - Space Lord An incredibly ear-friendly hook paves the way for two Multimedia-tastic! There's a Puff Daddy/ Aerosmith- high-energy, funky rock songs. The music is tight, and esque video on this that is totally cheesy, I love it! Space the vocals make no bones about having an English Lord is similar to all of Monster Magnet's previous twang. The only thing that lets this down is that it's on stuff, what with their 70s influences, big cars and lay- vinyl. I mean, live in the now, get a CD because I hate deez but who cares. It's self-indulgent, loud and a having to traipse about hunting for a record player. breath of fresh air from what's around at the moment.

Kent - 747 Solvent - Let Me Go Not impressed. Only one song, and though that would I should like it in principle because it sounds like they're be forgivable if it was particularly fine, it's not. Kent are supposed to be Reef-ish but cither the production was the whiney bits of James and any other "Indie" (my, how crap or the band are. The guitars sound like they're 20 Music 1 March 1999

De/ert Gagle Due/ Interview

This is the first in a series of interviews Up. with some of the best acts in the British scene, this week we bring out killer "I started messing about with sounds sounds of Desert Eagle Discs and next about fifteen years ago in my garage". week comes an interview with the British When he was just thirteen Syze-Up R&B diva Beverly Knight! Stay wired up to started out Djing, his equipment was Tha Bomb. pretty basic but he was able create loops using a tape machine and so started When I was first offered this inter building a library of samples. As he grew view I didn't have a clue who Desert his skillz began more and more honed; Eagle Discs were, the name sounded he was soon rocking the hip-hop heads familiar, but it with his furious turntable talents. He was .,. didn't immedi soon frustrated with just Djing and it was ately make a natural progression on to production. i me jump I up. Further "Basically, Desert Eagle Discs started out i n vest i ga as my sound system, I used to play out ll tion quickly at this club and I invited rappers along to f showed freestyle over some beats, that's where them to be Shari comes in, she just jumped up and f one of the most started freestyling, I knew she was some talented British thing special straight away". He ain't jok crews around. The ing her vocals are beautifully sultry and Desert Eagle Discs the girl herself is dazzling. Her vocals British duo - pro over Syze-Up's hard dark beats are a per ducer Syze-Up and fect match. vocalist Shari have ..The two of them searched for a Records, they immediately started work pulled out il was natural for 21 Soldiers record deal on their album. "The album isn't RnB, I'm to step in.

tand in '96 not really in to that side of the music, I ^they were prefer something a little harder, more Two years between getting signed and [signed to gutsy, I'm a hip hop head". Syzc-Up, real the album actually droppin', what's up -Boiler- name Simon Ingerfield, was with that? "I've been hard remixing a lot of stuff, soon my Masc remixes are going influenced by hip hop greatly, but to droppin'. We have been putting out a wanted to make an album that showed lot of white label stuff and tried to build ™**v. a darker side of hip hop beats with up a following on the underground a bluesey feel to them. before the album release." The DED name is massive in the remix world, it all "We still wanted started with a Gabrielle remix that Syzc- a hip-hop Up did, someone in the states heard it album, and and the next thing was a Lil Kim remix for that's why we 'Crush On You' after this dropped the got 21 soldiers phone didn't stop. Syze-Up's London on a couple of groove was/is in hot demand, he reworks DBt^ been creat- tracks, they're a the entire tune coming back with some oll young crew thing brand new. Busta phoned up for a outta Brooklyn, remix on the 'Dangerous' single, "Yeah !nE? tne underground "for some time now, who are on the we flipped that one and used some stateside they have way up". Origi adlibs from Busta to rework the tune". been busy than most, nally DFD were Syze-Up smoothed it out and stuck Shari's with the DED name well I meant to hook vocals on the back to create a much known in the right circles. up with the then more funky dangerous that was as infec Having only just found Pi unknown AZ, tious as the first. who Desert Eagle Discs but as they The Desert Eagle gun is the most pow were and checked out P flew over lo erful handgun in the world and the their stunning debut the states AZ blew up Desert Eagle Discs come with that same album 'The Lagle Has with the massive 'Sugarhill' and they forcefulness in their hard hitting sounds. Landed' I found myself were knocked back. 21 Soldiers were interviewing one half of from the same place as AZ and they Milen this wicked group - Syze- shared the same manager, once AZ 1 March 1999 Film 21 Reviews ft Competition Urban Legend **

Starring : Alicia Witt, Jared Leto, Rebecca Gayheart, Joshua Jackson Director: Jamie Blanks

y friend went to see this film. Well, he wasn't exactly my Lock, stock & Mii frien d - I met this bloke in a pub and his cousin swore he had seen it. Two Smoking He told me that It is the latest of those teen horror films made by former video Barrels shop attendants who fill an hour-and-a- half with the best scenes from their Six months ago, the prospect of a Brit favourite movies, pausing only to add a flick starring Vinnie Jones, Sting and that liberal dash of irony before serving the bloke from Press Gang (otherwise result to the cinema going public. I did known as Dexter Fletcher), and based n't believe him at first, but then he around gangland London, hardly revealed that Urban Legend is so-called sounded like it was going to set the because the unfortunate college stu For God's sake; LOOK BEHIND YOU. world alight. Yet just a few months later dents at the centre of its macabre plot it has become one of the most suc meet their untimely ends in the manner premise for a self-reverential horror film in from Nightmare on Elm Streets Freddie, cessful British movies of all time, and of those contemporary folk tales which the vein of Scream, with the bonus that, Robert Englund. This bloke reckoned that remake rights have recently been sold have mysteriously entered our collective since urban mythology is almost univer it is hugely entertaining stuff, provided to Tom Cruise, who plans to star and consciousness. Now I was interested. sal, you don't have to be a die hard devo that you suspend your disbelief to an direct the US version. After all, everyone has heard of the tee of slasher films to enjoy the ironic almost reckless extent and are willing to Even all this success can't allay those babysitter who receives phone calls threat humour. overlook some frighteningly bad acting. initial doubts over the cast - Vinnic ening the children in her care and then The whole thing was beginning to Somehow performing the feat of being Jones looks good, largely because no- discovers that they are originating in the sound extremely plausible, and I was cleverly executed and downright daft at one else can act. Fortunately, however, upstairs bedroom, and what about the finally convinced when someone else the same time, he claimed Urban Legend that doesn't matter, as the script, and numerous unpleasant stories of food con described exactly the same film lo me, makes ideal viewing for those who don't more importantly the plotting, are phe tamination? Who's to say which rat-found- adding that the cast features Alicia Witt take being scared too seriously. Great, I nomenally good. If you haven't seen it in-burger variants are actually true and (Zoey in TV's CybilD, Rebecca Gayheart thought, and began looking forward to a already, this is a definite must see. which are the result of a fertile imagina {Scream 2), Jared Leto (My So-Called Life) trip to the cinema - that was until he told tion and a desire to discredit a fast food and Joshua Jackson (Dawson's Creek). me what he found in his popcorn, fl conglomerate? It sounded like the perfect Apparently, there is even a cameo Simon The Castle

We automatically expect Australian TV to be awful, yet naturally assume their Win tickets to You've Got Mail with the movies will be brilliant. Make sense of that. Anyhow, The Castle serves to rein force this belief, proving to be yet another well constructed (if eccentric) Aussie movie. Although the plot may sound a long way from standard Antipodean fare - dysfunctional seven ties family the Kerrigans attempt to pro tect their home from demolition - it's still packed with laughs and charm. KENSINGTON Lolita The reunion of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, The winners of last week's Life Is Beauti stars of smash-hit Sleepless In Seattle, ful competition were: Traditionally one of the most difficult was only a matter of time. Before his Jeremy Gosteau novels to film, any reworking of Lolita will recent move into the world of the serious May Lee always be the focus of media attention and Oscar nominated, Hanks was the Kaaren May due to the notorious plot of Nabakov's King of romantic comedy, and Ryan long AlessiaToni story - a middle-aged professor becomes ago trounced Julia Roberts to become its Ketan Gudka obsessed with a 12 year old girl and mar Queen. You've GotATa/'/brings them back Luke Swaine ries her mother so he can be close to her. together, and you can see it for free by Henry Tang In this case, however, director Adrian answering the following question: Sandor dejasay Lynne handles his material carefully, Adam Bettinson pitching the movie as an extraordinary What was the first film to unite Tom Irwan Anuar love story, rather than a titillating skin-flick. Hanks and Meg Ryan? They all correctly identified that the win I lelped by great performances from stars ner of last year's Oscar for Best foreign Jeremy Irons and Dominique Swan, his Email your answers to [email protected] Language I ilm went to Karaktcr. Please Lolila is a classic tale of forbidden love, before Wednesday evening. The first five drop into the Felix office (in the Beit Arch undeserving of the over-hyped press names out of the virtual hat will win a pair way) before the end of the week, to col attention whir h surrounded i D of tickets. lect your prizes. Dave 22 Clubscene 1 March 1999

Heavenly Jukebox @ Turnmills 63 Clerkenwell Road, EG. Saturdays, The tension before the Chemicals 10pm - 6am. Tube - Farrlngdon. Call arrived was palpable - the Heavenly 0171 250 3409 for Info on Headstart faithful were out in force and they (see below) and 0171 494 2998 for helped whip the others into a frenzy - Heavenly. so much so that when one poor bloke Last Saturday Gurm and I wit had to fiddle with some lights on the nessed an epoch-making event - the dancefloor on a step ladder he was last (see poster) ever Heavenly Social given a standing ovation from the rest at Turnmills. This was the night that of the club! The Bros, whipped out a had introduced the Chemical Brothers blinding set, over 3 hours in total - (then still known as the Dust Brothers), including all the old favourites and, if I pushed poppers into mainstream club- am not very much mistaken a couple culture again, and also witnessed the of brand new DATs doubtless to fall of the "heavenly bottles". ' included in the long awaited new While the clubs decor is varied and album. interesting, in some places it is literally The night was given an added falling off the walls - it certainly needs touch of hilarity by the antics of Gurm a lick of paint. However you don't go "Klinsman" Marwaha who's heroics for clubbing for the wallpaper (unless the IC "Disco Boys" IV's resulted in a you're particularly weird), you go for severely bruised leg and a pair of the beats. And the beats were here in crutches - when we entered the club force - after a long build up. To be the promoter shouted after us "you'll honest the main acts before the Broth be needing more than the crutches by ers appeared were fairly disappointing. the end of the night mate!". Gurm did This could be a symptom of the fact however put the crutches to good use that it is very hard for the crowd to - in a couple of failed chat up attempts see the DJs and visa versa - the booth and several visits to the (very nice) is almost completely blacked out and bogs - whereupon security cleared a Turnmills. Its called "Headstart" and and touching things I have read in a raised well above the main dancefloor. path through the queues straight to a promises to be a "proper club for long time. You can tell the Heavenly Turnmills do say they will be removing cubical just for him. Ahhhh. proper clubbers" - for more details see meant a lot to a lot of people. the blacked out glass so a little more On exiting the club at the end of a the flyers on this page or call 0171 250 I can't wait for the second st communication can take place. But on truly titanic night we were all handed 3409. Nicesh. Also contained in this lit coming. $ -^fHf ! the night, it turned out that the more little goody bags of fun - including fly tle bag of fun was a letter from all the chilled out and funky secondary dance ers and a T-shirt advertising the new people who had helped put the Social floor was a far better choice. replacement night for the Heavenly at together - one of the most heartfelt Joel

Album of the Week that have influenced the Prodigy into The strange, ecelectic Icelanders Prodigy Presents: the band that they are. The music goes return with their latest offering, The Dirtchamber Sessions Volume 1 through a huge spectrum of genres 'Ladyshave'. It's a very vocal single with including raw hip-hop, edgy rock and simple beats and eclectic sounds, It's hard to imagine, but back in the Old Skool beats. Howlett has used some although it is different from their earlier Sinolss 80's, long before the Prodigy, Liam quality tracks, including tunes by the releases. Oddly enough, the lass who Howlett was a DJ in the Essex Hip-Hop Charlatans. The mixing is superb, and it's sings on this sounds very similar to Bjork. band Cut to Kill. He once entered a amazing how Howlett has managed to It comes over 2 CD's and has plenty of Capital Radio mixing competition, put It all together. A great album for fans remixes, which sadly all sound pretty and decided that the tape he had submitted of all kinds of music' similar. But as a single the track is great was shit, and sent off another one. The and will be out in the next couple of two tapes won first prize and third prize. V.' if -,V -k weeks on 4AD records. They're playing The Dirtchamber Sessions Volume 1 at ULU on the 26th, and Felix will be Album demonstrates that Howlett has lost none Single of the Week reviewing the gig soon. of the old mixing skills. The album Gus Gus started off as a session recorded for Mary ladyshave' Anne Hobb's Breezeblock segment on (4AD) Radio 1 and is a trip through the sounds 1 March 1999 Clubscene 23

deal with on a trip to Carwash, is the dress code. The door policy is strict and I Carwash only those of you who make the effort will make it in. Now some people may moan that strict door policies arc a bag of shite, but it's the people who make | @The Carwash the night that it is, so you only want those who are willing to make an effort to'make it past the door. You don't want any old scruffy geezers making it in | Astoria 2 'cos it just wouldn't be fair on every body else. And once you're inside you'll ! Carwash @ The London Astoria 2, 165 see what it is really like - funkarama. So | Charing Cross Road, WC2. Saturdays, to ensure all you disco chicks and i £5/£9/£11, 10.30pm - 4am, capacity - funksters get in, here's an insiders guide i 1,400. Nearest Tube - Tottenham Court to, well, how to get in (provided by the I Road. Dress code - most funky (see management themselves). The following I below). Info line - 01426 944764. things are in: Stylish Funky Outfits, I lares, i Satin, Shiny Clubwcar, UV Shirts, Plat i Carwash - the name itself has forms, Kinky Boots, Feather Boas, Glitter, I become synonymous with disco and Hot Pants, Sequin Bra Tops, Hipsters, j funk throughout the UK. Now in their Bunches, Catsuits, Baby Doll Dresses, lions, Nike, Adidas, and Fila Trainers, main arena is arranged on several dif i tenth year, we went to check out what New York Street Funkster, Pimp Suit, Tacky Cheesy 70s. ferent levels with podiums galore, plenty all the fuss was about at their home Cowboy Hats, Funky Waistcoats, FVC, Now that those necessary techni of spaces to rest after your exertions, and venue, the LA2.1 say this 'cos they often Fairy Wings. Most definitely out are: Silly calities are out of the way let's move onto a wicked guy on the bongos (this time play away, staging events across the Fancy Dress, Ordinary Jeans, Checked what the night itself is really like. Was it complementing the music). country, throughout clubland, and at Shirts, Smart Casual, Versace, Brogues, up to all the hype? YES. Everything just This is a class act through and some of the larger and more funky stu Ralph Lauren Polo Shirts, Llvis Outfits, slots into place once you descend down through. From the professional dancers dent unions. If only our's was so - shame. Chanel, Fake Afro Wigs, Fake Facial Hair, those steps into the LA2. The main bar (a chick boy wearing a pair of white Now the first thing that you have to Suits, Doc Martins, lank Tops, Medal- area is a sea of UV light, where every fluffy speedos, and a girl with a Bucks one's already funky outfits become even Fizz-like strip routine), to the groovy sets, more groovy, and the fluorescent cups mixed by residents Charlie Angel, Dexter, and bar area also make for a nice touch. and The Disco Kid, this really is Disco and This is a good place to chill-out and enjoy funk for Clubbers. And it never gets the alternative 70s reality which is Car- cheesy despite being a 70s night. This is wash. But there is an unexpected twist not shitty student union/office party to this room - after a while they start to music for the masses, but rather a great pump out the grunge (!) (Nirvana, Rage blend of classic disco and 90s club Against the Machine ct al.), in what I remixes of funk/disco tunes. think is a bizarrely cunning way of get One of the best nights I've been to ting all the punters down to the main in the capital, 'cos it's just so much fun. danccfloor. It didn't work 'cos some of If you want a break from serious, hard them just regressed to their instinct-dri core dance music then go to Carwash ven teenage years and started moshing and just groove without a care in the around. There was only so much of that world. Check out their double CD too - which I could take, so I decided to ven it's lush. ture downstairs. Boogie Nights. And at the main dancefloor it didn't seem as if they needed any encourage ment to stay. It was packed, but with slill enough room for everyone to strut their funky stuff (except for the podiums where some strategic pushing was needed to let your talents show). This Roobarb

Shazz recorded it at such a slow tempo. If "mid- and sounds from Africa, and Sash has other, the beat is almost garage style. 'Carry On' tempo house" is your sort of thing then tried to incorporate these into a Luro- The track comes with three mixes, one (Columbia/Reverb) buy this on vinyl and crank it up. Don't house-type tune. It works quite well, which is a garage version and while the go near the CD though, or you might just but it's not as good as the stuff he used other two have deep, slow vocals on a Lifted from Shazz's eponymous fall asleep. to make and doesn't feature the thump hip-hop sounding beat. Out in the next debut, this single, featuring Charmaine ing bass lines that trademark Sash's month, it's a tune worth checking out. King on vocals, doesn't do him or his tunes. Comes with three remixes - the album any justice. The production may tune is out in the next month. be polished, as you would expect, but Sash the tune just doesn't cut it. The blurb 'Colour the World' describes it as "mid-tempo house" with (Multiply Records) "considerable dancefloor energy," but The Euro-house king's latest single is, Da Book I'd say it sounds as lethargic as student strangely enough, a Euro-house tune 'A Bomb from a I riend' on a Sunday morning. I can't really Imag incorporating African vocals and sounds. ine this giving any dancefloor a blast of It's very different from the stuff he's Weird, but good tunc, this track is energy. But all Is not lost, 'cos If you play released in the last couple of years, a hybrid of hip-hop sounds and garage- Album and Singles by this at +8 on your decks then it begins to which has always had those cheesy beats that works quite well. On the one Gurm and Roobarb sound alright - fuck knows why they vocals. 'Colour the World' features vocals hand, we have slow vocals whilst on the 24 Games 1 March 1999

Alpha Centaur! (PC) Firaxis

thrall. Many of those will ultimately you had to go out and conquer and they'll look at you horrified, and almost literally worship the your enemies. You couldn't just live in quite probably refuse to talk to you for a game -1 know for a fact that peace and harmony with them as a big long time afterwards. The Believers (reli our beloved Games Editor happy global family - you had to go out gious fundamentalists) don't like the keeps his copy on a velvet and hit them over the head with a stick intellectual challenges of the University cushion in a gold cabinet until they agreed to be part of your faction (umm... quite good at research, encrusted with fine jewels. empire. Alpha Centauri changes that, would you believe), and start to look all Civilisation2 (likewise known and that change opens up the course of squiggly-eyed at them and their allies. as Civ2), which was an the whole game. There are now four Basically these two major changes updated version of the paths to perfect the con game - more technologies, victory: cepts originally better units, better graphics conquest, laid down in

All we are saying Is give war a chance and a couple of useful utili diplomacy, Civ. The other ties allowing people to economic tweaks (vastly

There are a few games developers develop their own scenarios - became superiority improved whose names have become synony the first game to usurp the original from and tran graphics and mous with high quality, lovingly created its perch at the very top of the gaming scendency sound, the abil products. David Braben, the Bitmap tree. Next time you hook up to the web, (the evolu ity to design Brothers, John Romero - all these people do a search for websites devoted to Civ2 tion to a your own units, have been spoken of as games vision - you will find thousands, which is a trib new level multiplayer aries; people who have such creative ute to quite how good a game it is. of con games over a ability that any new product from them Now Sid Meier has produced Alpha scious network and so is awaited with baited breath. The god Centauri, Civilisation 3 in all but name ness). It is on) are cos father of them all, however, is Sid Meier. (the reason for the name change is long now theo Lie, make peace then send In the troops. metic - impor Sid Meier has been devising and and boring, but if anyone's really inter retically Definitely not the best way to make friends and tant yes, but producing games since the mid-eighties, ested buy me a pint next time you catch possible influence people ultimately cos creating several near-classics in the me in the Union bar and I'll tell you). At (although metic. By free course of his career. But the game he the end of Civ (and Civ2) your empire still bloody hard) for the faction with the ing the gameplay of the single goal and will be remembered for is a little thing by built a vast interplanetary spacecraft, and smallest, weakest empire to win the introducing significant differences in the the name of Civilisation (1990), and its sent a band of voyagers across space to game. That means that, rather than con computer Al, Sid Meier and his team sequel Civilisation 2 (1995). colonize the stars. Alpha Centauri picks centrating on research with military appli have made a genuinely essential game Civilisation is a brilliantly simple con up the story there. During the voyage cations (generally it became a rush to see for any gamer. This game is the best one cept. You start out as the leader of an your colonists split up into seven indi who could develop tanks first), the I have ever played, and it's hard to see insignificant tribe of nomads, and your vidual factions. These factions adopted research you undertake depends on the anything coming along for a long long goal is become the supreme ruler of their own ideologies and upon arrival at goal you are pursuing. This change time which will give it anything more earth by conquering the other tribes. the planet set up their own encamp inflates your options to a staggering, in than a moderate jog for its money. However, in order to gain supremacy, ments. The race for planetary domina fact almost frightening degree. I'm no Forget the thesis, forget the world you need to research new technologies tion begins. mean player of Civ myself - seasoned outside, forget sleep. Buy this game. It's and build Any would be an understatement - but there that simple. armies using one who have been several times over the past Danny those new has played few days when I have had to seriously technologies. the Civ step back from the game and wonder No honestly if you want to keep To do the games will just how I'm going to get to where I want sane and get a decent nights sleep over research and know what to go - the range of different options is the next month, year or even decade build the to expect quite stunning. dont buy this game. People will see your armies you next. In There is one other major gameplay deep sunken eyes and white monitor need to fact anyone advance that separates Alpha Centauri bleached skin and will rightly assume develop your who's from Civ and Civ2. The different fac you need medical attention...remember economy. As played the tions now all behave in recognisably dif Alpha Centuri screws you up... you build your Civ games ferent manners. The militaristic Spartans CaryS economy and will have are all threats and bluster, do your stopped and keep wanting to go out research, new Terraform the planet Into a nice green mass, and reading and bash people over the methods of avoid creating a Milton Keynes mess long ago head. The diplomatic UN government and will by want to be nice to every become available. Civilisation is a game now be hunched over a flickering screen, one and gain their trust. of juggling, balancing the needs of your for those of you left out there in Felix- The Gaians believe in living people against the needs of your military land, your job is to develop your faction In concert with the natural against the needs of your economy. As and gain superiority over the other lead processes of the planet. your empire grows (assuming that it does ers. As before this is done through These different manners

grow) you have to deal with barbarian research, construction and trade. drastically affect the way ...... uprisings, unrest and occasionally revolt "Hang on a sec" I hear you cry "why that these factions react to in your cities, and of course the ever-pre should I go and spend my hard-earned you, and consequently the sent threats of neighbouring empires. on another copy of essentially the same way that you react to them. : Any games player worth their salt will game? I could just go off to my jewel- Suggest to the Gaians that be familiar with Civilisation (colloquially encrusted casket and play Civ2 again." a useful alliance can be Hovertanks definitely don't suck.. known as Civ), and the vast majority will Well, here's the rub. The only real neg made with the Morganites Well, OK, perhaps the air Intake does. have tales of days and nights lost to its ative about both Civ and Civ2 was that (the big business faction), i March 1999 Games ^Hj^ 25

Shogo - Mobile Armoured Division (PC) Monolith

finding space to fit pre-pubesent looking enough explosive to male characters were have a damn good a delight to kill, as attempt at a second they looked too much gunpowder plot.? like the average boy Answers on the back band cast. of a postcard. Shogo Graphically it fol doesn't disappoint the lows the Anime ideals big weapon fans. Not of big and blocky. only can you rack up a Thus it doesn't have fairly impressive the organic feel that amount of military Half-Life has. Another hardware in human problem is the large, form but you have the expansive battlefields. chance to jump into In order to display Awash with single person shoot-em- one of four thirty foot mechanised these large outdoor scenes they have to reduce noise level. It might be nice ups before Xmas, on both the PSX and beasts. These mechs have names - had to simplify the polygons. This at for a luxury car - not so good at creat the PC, we missed out on the odd one Ordog, Enforcer, Akuma and Predator, least means that on a low end Pentium ing the effect of the heat of battle. or two. It was unfortunate that we and with names like that the weaponry and decent video accelerator there was One little gem, though, is the idea missed out on Shogo - Mobile obviously gets really silly. none of the usual pop-up or fogging. of a squad. Instead of being the only Armoured Division; partially because It There is a very strong Japanese The sound, though, was average. It man in, you often get dropped in with is a good game, but mostly because of theme running a mile wide through had big rumbling robot footsteps and a few friends. These helpfully fire at the lost practice time in order to com the game; from the Japanese pop dur big explosive sounds, but fell short of the enemy and soak up the incoming pete in the big Shogo showdown. Well ing the cartoon all the way to the Animc the best. There was none of the fire. This can lead to red-on-red inci perhaps not, but in order to save face graphics of the characters both good whoosh of incoming fire from opposing dents where you get separated from and not be completely crushed by a and bad. sides, your squad only to ambush and bunch of spotty fourteen year olds, the Even I, a pix- though masacre them next time you run into team decided to get some practice in elthirsty the cockpit them, for once the good guys look and kick some metallic butt. polygon ser of these much too similar to the bad guys. Apart The big thing with first person ial killer, behe from this feature the gameplay, while shooters is that you play a character tended to moths being enjoyable and challenging on capable of carrying an unfeasible think twice have prob the harder levels, never quite reaches amount of military hardware. They when the ably been the same range of emotions that Half- might have been pumping iron, eating enemy con coated in life can. If you buy a second first person spinach, and have a damn impressive sisted of the same shooter this spring seriously consider powered suit on, but from where do doe eyed stuff they this one, if you are only out to buy one they secrete pistols, automatic females, use on then Half-life still rules this kingdom, weapons, and rocket launchers, while though the fexus cars Gary 5.

South Park (N64) Acclaim

Armed with Cartman's yellow there are sampled voices of the snowballs, Kenny's cow launcher or characters, and each character has the Terrence and Philip Farting doll their own series of crises of joy grenade it's time to teach the turkeys and pain, all of which you would I and the other denizens of the odd expect to hear on the TV series. the meaning of foul play. There is one problem with The graphics are excellent. Some this game, and that it is too funny how they have managed to trans to play. Half-life might cause you form the two dimensional cartoon to pause with awe and give the into a three dimentional festival of enemy enough time to toast you, the bizarre without losing the charm but this game has managed to kill of Kenny's me with Another first person shooter? A poorly hood or Cart- laughter; written attempt to cash in on the cult car man's large ass. stopping laugh- this was to play the excellent multiplaycr toon as the second series is about to hit There's also ing quickly option. Here you get to pick any of the the terrestrial scene? Well yes and defi none of this fog enough to get characters and go hunting your opposi- nitely no. ging that usually the next turkey is lion down. Even Mr Hanky finds his vio- Your favourite four little urchins are comes free with difficult enough lent streak and definitely provides a new every N64 three called upon lo use their wits, charm, without making meaning to the phrase shitting on your dimensional cheesy poofs and some unusual vocab gobbling sounds opponent. polygon fest to ulary to save Southpark from aliens, in the back- I his game is going to be larger than now. genetically modified turkeys, giant cloned ground. Cartman's ass, so go on and kill Kenny South Park reisdenls and other equally Also unusu In fact the you bastards, weird and f***" up situations. ally for the N64 only way round GaryS. 26 Sport 1 March 1999

SNOOKER FOOTBALL

BUSA held the annual national snooker Jon Fulcher, who eventually one the sin championships last weekend. The event gles 3-2 against Rob Pugh. He should Extra time winner sends IC to final took place in Birmingham, Solihull (sic) have won in comfortably when 2-0 up and lasted three days. and 30 points ahead in the third frame, The Imperial Snooker A and B teams but his desire for a cold pint almost UCLI 1 under threat and were unlucky not to were largely different to last year's squad. made him the nearly man yet again. ICI 2 take the lead through Amo who had a Jon Fulcher and Richard Turton remained B team singles: All players disap (aet) couple of shots blocked. In the A team, with Jon expecting to win pointingly were knocked out in the sec In the second half things went from the A team singles championship this ond round. Following the nine-goal demolition of bad to worse as UCL scored directly off year after coming close on several occa A team group: Reached the quarter the RSM a week earlier, confidence was a corner, extremely embarrassing for Eric sions in past years. The rest of the A finals, when Queen's of Belfast knocked high going into the first of three crucial who was clearly confused by the wind team consisted of several players from them out matches against UCL. (either that or he just buggered things last year's B team which reached the B team group: Unluckily knocked To say that things weren't going our up). With 20 mins to go IC equalised semi-finals. The B team saw some fresh out in semi-finals by Queen's who we way would be a huge understatement as after a stunning move that was finished faces, but the expectations of reaching earlier drew with 5-5. the referee kept allowing UCL to kick by So-so. the latter stages were still high. lumps out of most of our players. When IC were now clearly on top and were A team singles: Richard Turton the referee finally blew for a foul It was even getting one or two decisions from reached the quarter finals only to meet The team show off their winnings to give UCL a penalty after Chris had cun the referee, and in the first half of extra ningly let the forward into the area, and time, went ahead thanks to a deadly THEN brought him down. However, the strike from "Dirty" Warren after playing a deadlock was not broken as Eric saved nice one-two with Till. The second half j the penalty brilliantly. was a different story as UCL threw every- ; After about half an hour of continu thing they could at us but the solid back ous battering, Alex finally snapped and four of Rich, So-so, Chris and Phil refused ; decided to take the law Into his own to break down as we held out for a vic hands by flooring a UCL defender with tory that sent the "fan" wild. So IC have a right backhand on the turn which any made it through to the final for the sec- boxer would have been proud of. Again ond year running, hopefully we will of the ref blew for a foul and sent Alex off one better this year and win the cup. So the field. why not come along to Motspur Park on Despite being a man down, IC still Saturday 6th March and cheer Imper looked the better side and were never ial's finest on

FELLWALKING LADIES FOOTBALL

After a nervous week with much anxiety photos of it. You could see bugger all on everyone's lips, particularly those Leicester 3 at being the first club to drive FLEB after landscape, but my bare legs were who had done the 18 mile, 2,000m IC 1 i it crashed, our worst fears about the proudly on display, attracting a huge ascent in Tim's wake. Saturday's exertions (BUSA Plate Quarter-final) | minibus were confirmed: the stereo did amount of attention. Nothing unusual called for a more gentle endurance test indeed still not work. However, there there, except by this stage they had accu on Sunday, so we headed for Moel For the first time since Highlander and was only one worrying moment on this mulated a thick coating of ice. Lunch Wnion. The weather was a but rougher, Flo arrived on the scene, we had a full j trip when I got my seatbelt trapped in the was eaten on the way down the other with hail showers, but we still did a good team and a sub (miracles do happen!), door and thought I'd Jammed it, but it side, with views of Glaslyn and Llyn Lly- walk and had views of the sea. Unfor even though our dedicated "slapper of was OK after a bit of heaving and push daw. On the descent, we were reunited tunately, a large detour in an attempt to a captain" abandoned us for yet another ing with Simon (ooh er). After an epic with the hardcore nutters, who were find a decent place to cross a fast-flow pulling session (you know who you are!). journey, we finally made it to the Jesse desperately trying to keep up with Tim ing river meant that we did not have time After dragging Highlander out of James bunkhouse, in Snowdonia, at 'Incredibly Fast But Slim' who had the to visit Colwyn Bay on the way home. the Nottingham train (would there be a about 1am. map. Evidently one lot of 1000m peaks So then it was straight back in the certain Simon involved?), and many was not enough to keep them amused Saturday dawned bright(ish), and minibus and back to London along my fields later, we arrived at the wrong for a whole day, and they had to go up considerably earlier than some people 'clever new route' which led us straight grounds! After a quick map check we Snowdon as well. Once at the bottom, thought desirable. But we had to get into a ten mile tailback on the M6. We found the pitch in the middle of an ath- : we'd planned to take the interesting and going and get up those mountains. So finally arrived in London not long before letic track and in the middle of the foot- ! remarkably straight path through the without further ado, the hardcore nutters midnight, but the journeys were well ball pitch we found a shot-put ring - Llanberis Pass. But on discovering that were unleashed on the Glyders ridge. worth it: definitely one of the better trips. much to Baldrich's amusement (she j it was in actual fact an electricity trans The rest of us set off at a more sedate James Clarke likes big things, in agreement with High- I mission line, and our tightrope-walking pace up the Llanberis Path/Motorway to [email protected] lander's dislike of small balls). Excellent I skills were not really up to scratch, we Snowdon, that is after we'd found it. performances from the scandalous pres decided to take the road instead. The surrounding peaks looked impres ident puller (who later tried to pull a sive, but as we neared the summit, tem After a quick half in a typically friendly passing cyclist) and from the rest of the i peratures plunged and we were Sports reports. Welsh pub, it was back to the bunkhouse team led to a goal by Gonads. Unfor- j shrouded In mist. There were also one to wait for the nutters. Once again, we tunately the ref.'s white stick and gen- j or two patches of snow around. Steve drew on our culinary talents (cheers, eral blindness led to our defeat 3-1 - j reminded us of the all-pervasiveness of 8.30pm. Richard) to produce a top quality spag with many a good save by Flo our goalie modern technology by giving a running bol, which was enjoyed by everyone (Mike would be proud). Hitchhiker j commentary to his sister over his mobile except Peter 'Chips with Everything' Rose. could not help stroking the ball as it , phone. Makes a change from'I'm on a Wednesday. After the meal, we settled down for an went by, casing a penalty. Undercover train', I suppose. excruciating evening of pain and exer porn photographer, engaged G&T, was Our perseverance was rewarded tion, both physical and mental (you had first in the showers with her waterproof to be to take part in some of Mat's party 'Nuff said. with a very fine view, so magnificent camera much to the initial shock and lat games). 'Who am I?' was the question that everyone was clamouring to take ter pleasure of the opposition. 1 March 1999 Sport & Diversions 27

KARTING Sport in Brief

LADIES RUGBY went in. Scully after her late arrival Imperial Ahead of Oxbridge - Official!! scored her first goal since her wise defection from RSM (that'll be a jug), IC Virgins 73 -5 Kings Humming Bird put in a couple (jug It was a cold, rainy Friday night as seven struck!! One of the Ist's engines went avoidance? - I don't think so I) and plucky IC students took on the com- the way of Michael Schumacher at Spa, The Virgins scored big time. From the Wifey completed her near double hat- - bined might of 50 - odd Oxbridge stu and completely lost it!! Being twin- moment we took the odd shaped ball in trick finishing in fire. dents in the CUAC Karting endurance engine karts, we managed to limp back our hands our excitement grew and 8-0! it serves you Vet sight for spending race at Rye House. IC was entering two to the pits, but a 15-minute stop while grew. The King's players came on hard all your time with your hands up cows teams, Oxford five, and Cambridge eight. they changed the engine blew any for the first two minutes but they were bottoms. Originally planned as a dry race, cir chance of a decent finish. premature and we took them and cumstances changed as 30 minutes Through atrocious conditions, some scored. Our subs were giving it some before the green flag, it pissed it down! sensible yet committed driving by IC 1st oral on the sidelines and King's kept on ULTIMATE FRISBEE There was no time to re-prepare the dragged the team back up the order to going down, down, down. We pene karts, and no way to chicken out. There 7th place at the 2-hr time limit. Nobody, trated their defence time and time again, was no two ways about it - this was however, could touch the 2nd's who until they could take no more. IC 19 - 6 Southampton going to be FUN!!!! finished three laps ahead of the Oxford Their tackles were more playful than Under floodlights, the Oxford and 1st team. Their win was underlined by hard so we showed them how it was After a sedate opening match against Cambridge 1st teams made the early taking the fastest lap - Vi a second done. Our hookers gave them a run for Portsmouth Uni, IC Ultimate team were pace, but soon, the sublime driving from quicker than IC Ist's who were second- their money. We came out of every ruck anticipating a real head-to-head against Phil, Nat and Dan put IC 2nd's into a lead fastest. and maul on top in, and our studs dug the South East champions Southampton they would not relinquish. IC Ist's (the So! It's official! IC are way ahead of in deep as our furry mascot screamed for Uni (Skunks). With an incomplete squad, numbers meant nothing - it was just a Oxbridge when it comes to the impor more. Shouts of give it in, get your kit including only one sub, the odds were case of who signed on first), led by Ben, tant things in life! off, drive, show it to me, and yes, yes, in IC's favour from the offset. with Oli, Matt, and yours truly, under his For more information about the IC kart yes where regularly heard from the pitch. A much improved team perfor expert guidance, got off to a good start ing club, contact [email protected], or Perv's underwear was on the pitch, Ali mance and a spirited individual display moving into 3rd place. A glorious Impe [email protected] son didn't have the horn and flasher did from John "on your knees" Taylor (who rial 1-2 was on the cards when disaster Paul Brady n't pull her usual trick. caught over 1/2 IC's points), IC walked away with a convincing victory. A replay at the National Student Indoor finals in LADIES HOCKEY 10 days time may yield a different out come!

IC 8 - 0 Royal Vets MEDICS PLAY FOR ENGLAND After starting with only 10 players (cheers Scully) we had a stormin' match. Camped in their 25 for the entire match, Following the successes of Imperial we spent the first half occasionally giv Medics Rugby Football Club this season, ing the keeper the ball. Wifey man it was very gratifying that James Piatt, Ben aged to clear up off the pads twice, Carpenter (Imperial Medics Captain), leaving it 2-0 at half time. and Simon Rogers were selected for the After sharp words from Bagpuss, the England Students squad that played Scot 2nd half was taken at a difference pace. land Students at Old Dear Park on 19th Shots were pummelled at the keeper February. left, right and centre and the odd few England Students won 42 - 20.

Around IC Mon 1 Tues 2 Wed 3 Thurs 4 Fri 5 Sat 6 Sun 7

CAG: Tools for Self STA Quiz Night - Engineering Informa Engineering Information Bust-a-Gut Comedy Whiplash-dBs, FREE Reliance, Basement of DaVinci's 8pm tion Resources Talk Resources - Compendex dBs, £2.50 8pm 8pm-12am Beit Quad 6pm Central Library Level 5 Central Library Level 5 CAG: Soup Run, Base Meeting Room 1 Meeting Room 1 Pop Tarts - ICU £1 Clayponds Hall Cinema ment Kitchen, Weeks 2.154pm 1-2pm 9pm-2am Trip - contact Hall 8pm [email protected] Club XS, ICU, FREE CAG: Soup Run, Base Caving Club Meeting 9pm-1am ment Kitchen, Weeks Southside Upper Lounge Hal! 8pm 9pm Cocktail Night, DaVinci's 5-11 pm 28 Sport 1 March 1999

HOCKEY IC claim 3 out of 4 places in ULU cup finals

IC!... duly dispatched by Blue Underpants. So we were soon on the pitch of joy, ICSM I UCL. Out the back. Fluke paddled in slotting with Filtrum looking like he'd just been KCL I.. into the barrel to put the second home. thrown out of the London School of Surfing on our relentless tide of success, James started upping the pressure with Vagrancy for excessive dribbling. The Having lost to KCL llnds earlier this sea the firsts have once again gained a place his casual but hard core long board whistle blew and we went after Bart's like son on flicks, we understandably, had in the ULU Cup final. Today's game was stylee. Flashy Wanker stepped up with Fulltum after some hapless American. very low expectations going Into this a significant milestone in our quest for his 10ft big gun and took off on a 25 However, their defence didn't put up as match. Our initial reservations were com total London domination. The game footer of mavericks - goal. The wind much resistance and before long the pounded when they scored in the first 5 started gnarly, the UCL swell coming on turned on shore, and 6ft glass became Sundance Kid did his fancy spinning minutes, but we held them to 1-0 until strong with the odd overhead set. fluffy 4ft mush. Blue Underpants piled in a dif effort and slapped the ball passed the half-time. Then the game turned ugly. 2/3 performed a cut back into the D, pulled ficult situation punches the lip - the mesmerised Bart's keeper. rds of the way into the match, they were up for the floater and won a short corner, fourth was in. All in all a good sunset ses Play was always going our way and 3-0 up and and we were struggling. To sion. Massive. before half time the Sundance Kid and say the situation was gloomy would be SCOREBOARD Fabio had penetrated their defences an understatement. Disco Squad.. again. 3-0 to the golden boys. However, by divine Intervention we FOOTBALL St Bart's The second half started with a bit of were given new heart. Through pure ULU Cup fire from the Bart's Boys, but the Disco aggression and dogged determination UCL 1 1 -2 IC 1 (a.e.t) One team, fifteen dreamers, five magic Deluge quickly swamped it. Lager Lager, we battled away, and by the end, our ULU League goals, all can be summed up by a single Indian Carpet Catalogue and Baps put a overwhelming passion proved too much ICI 5- 0 Royal Holloway word. LEGENDARY... veritable barrage of strikes beyond the for the obviously rattled KCL team. ICII 1- 2 Royal Holloway The Disco boys are in the final of the flailing reach of the keeper, and Fabio Through swift passing and shrewd vision BUSA ULU cup! Nothing can stop us now! and the Sundance Kid actually scored. 5- we scored 3 goals in the next 10 minutes IC 111 3- 2 Swansea Just to be sure, I have analysed the 0 to the Disco Boys. to draw level. BUSA plate possible effects of a meteor impacting The Disco Squad has seen off Vik scored two absolute screamers Leicester 3 -1 IC Ladies in the middle of Motspur Park in three another challenge. Maybe the result and Alex finished it off when he deftly weeks time, and can only conclude that wasn't a fair reflection of how good lifted the ball over the keeper, leaving RUGBY it would have to weigh more than Via- Bart's are. Yeah, and maybe Terrier's not him floundering. This was a heroic per IC Virgins 73 -5 King's gra's Bollocks to even phase us. That's a virgin?!? formance all round, and with such a more than 352 tonnes, facts. And unless So, well done again boys, we are the band of spirited warriors, the UL cup will HOCKEY Filtrum's got an arse like a mortar, I don't chosen ones. Well done to Pete Tong be ours! ICI 4- 3 UCL think that's going to happen. for turning up at all. He looked as Disco Sqd. 5 -0 St. Bart's On Sunday, the Disco Squad was healthy as an alcoholic rat emerging Line-up for the ULU cup final: ICSM II 3 -3 KCL I tanked up and ready to groove, courtesy after a week's holiday in Rezoola's pants. IC I v Royal Holloway IC Ladies 8 -0 Royal Vets. of some impressive family planning, Nice. Reserve cup final: although the looming showdown did Come on boys, we going all the ICSM II vIC III (Disco Squad) MISCELLANEOUS mean that Cantle wisely limited himself way! Disco... Ultimate frisbee 19-6 Southampton to a dozen sherboids.

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD Across Down by Gnat Chum 9 Moving patients is fulfiling. (9) 1 Swap titles for business jargon. (5-5) 10 Points to my foe. (5) 2 Parades masses in bets. (8) 11 Canine pest got stirred into 3 Artillery get into binoculars - swowing Richard. (3-4) intelligence. (6) 12 Long-suffering case (7) 4 Flushed quiet writer. (4) 13 Send Edmund packaged essentials. (5) 5 SA plant for a pagan's hut. (10) 14 Group of the french Queen's sol 6 disaster could meld town? (8) diers' belt. (9) 7 Cut drug. Heavy! (6) 16 Webber's answer to Moonlight 8 Half a yoyo in an alien island. (4) Sonata? (5,2,3,5) 14 End fab hero badly previously. (10) 19 Not fast, not snakes? (9) 15 Bale turner can be taken back? (10) 21 The Franco-German Wiseman. (5) 17 Waiter contains exclamation for 22 Peace-keeper fish to knock some coleague. (8) one off. (7) 18 Immutable right from above. (3-5) 23 Forced terrorists to drink. (7) 20 Hunter of Ordinance survey hunted. (6) 24 Relative directions around college. (5) 21 Awards snowed in. (6) 25 So, Helen, we change in the front of 22 Jars at turns with no junction. (4) a plane. (4-5) 23 Maurice has Nazis growing green stuff. (4) Spring '99 ICU Welfare Newsletter HAVE YOU GOT A PROBLEM?

Drug Abuse Sleepless Nights

Drug abuse covers vast areas and many Are financial worries affecting your degree? drugs, ranging from puffing a cigarette to injecting heroin. But two of the most com At this time of year the antics of the previ monly used illegal drugs are ecstasy and ous term may be catching up. Some students cannabis. This section will focus on them. have major financial worries that are crip pling their ability to live comfortably. Other "Ecstasy", also known as MDMA, Adam, or students may have less serious financial X-TC, is an hallucinogenic and mind alter difficulties but still find that these difficulties ing drug. It bears great similarity to other are making them feel stressed and synthetic drugs (like MDA) which are known depressed. to cause brain damage. The many prob it is not entirely safe, lems the 1 in 12 people who have tried either. Cannabis can If you fall into any of the above categories; ecstasy in the UK encounter during or after cause problems with where your financial worries are putting a taking ecstasy include: memory and learn strain on your life and degree, then you ing, distorted percep could qualify for financial support from the Psychological difficulties, including confu tion, difficulty in college. Imperial College has over sion, depression, sleep problems, drug thinking and problem £1 50,000 to distribute among students who craving, severe anxiety, and paranoia - solving, loss of co have financial problems. sometimes these symptoms occur weeks ordination; and after taking ecstasy. Physical symptoms increased heart rate, So how do you apply? include muscle tension, involuntary teeth anxiety, and panic Go to the Student Finance Office, on Level clenching, nausea, blurred vision, faint- attacks. Most damning of all is that two in 3 (Room 334) of the Sherfield Building and ness, chills or sweating, increases in heart five people who have used cannabis in the pick up an application form. The form must rate and blood pressure. However, its sup last year will have also used another type be filled in completely (failure to do so will porters claim that ecstasy increases trust of illegal drug. slow your application) and returned to the and breaks down barriers. Student Finance Office with the following For more information, try: information: 3 months of Bank Statements Cannabis, the most used illegal drug with news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/health/back- going back from the date of your applica 80% of drug users using cannabis, is widely ground_briefings/drugs/ tion. seen as 'relatively harmless' by its sup US Institute on drugs: www.nida.nih.gov/ porters. 'Relatively' harmless it may well be Drug Abuse Web ring: www.druguse.com/ The closing date for applications is 22nd when compared to drugs like heroin, but Release: www.release.org.uk March 1 999

Check your bits day Safety in the Big City

Those of you who were here last year may We are all enjoying our freedom at uni remember waking up after Valentines Day versity - being able to go where we want, with an unusual union stamp on your hand. how we want and when we want. As stu By then it probably said 'heck your bi ', which dents we have to look out for our own well was perhaps more alarming than intended! being. Yes, we have heard it all before "don't walk alone, don't walk down dark For those of you who weren't here, and for streets". This is, of course, sensible advice. those who have spent a year wondering This is why your wonderful Imperial College why they were stamped in such a bizarre Union is providing an extra bit of support. way, let me explain what Check your Bits is all about. While a free bodyguard for every student is not on offer, you can get an attack alarm In this country, it is safe to say you are going from the union office or catch the free to die of one of two things; Heart disease women's minibus home from the union or Cancer. Most of us will be lucky and do after events nights (Wednesday and Fri it in our 80s. But there are some cancers day). This service runs from 1 2am until the which kill young people, and they are the end of the event and will take any woman 'sexy' ones; cancer of the testis, cervix and anywhere within London. extent breast. Check your bits day is a reminder to everyone to do something about all over) of your breasts or testicles once a not dying young. month. If you find a lump, or a sore bit, or Compiled by a change in colour or texture or if it just The good news is that there is no reason why doesn't feel the same, then go to the doc Rene Frank & the you should die from these; they are easily tor. As for the cervix, that's even easier; checked for, and respond well to treatment. book an appointment with the nurse, phone Welfare Committee All it takes is self-examination (a good feel for the results, repeat in 3 years time. ICU Welfare Newsletter Spring '99 HEALTH & HOUSING

Accomodation

Most landlords/ladies offer fixed term con responsible for dealing with any repairs. If Council Tax tracts. There are two basic types of agree you do experience problems with your land ment; licenses and tenancies. You should be lord or landlady then you should raise them All students are exempt from Council Tax (but able to tell which you are being offered by with the Union Advisor immediately. Some you'll need to obtain a certificate from the reading your contract. The vast majority of problems that can arise include getting the registry that you then send to your local students (along with most other people rent landlord to do repairs or to return deposits billing authority). If you share with non-stu ing from private landlords) will have an at the end of a tenancy. There may also be dents then you may become liable to pay 'assured shorthold tenancy'. issues relating to joint tenancies if you are (even if they are unemployed and receiving sharing with other people. ICU produces a benefits). Speak to the Union Advisor if you You will normally be a tenant if you have Housing Rights Guide to give you informa are unsure of your Council Tax situation. exclusive occupation of at least one room, tion on your rights and responsibilities while and your landlord/lady does not live in the renting in the private sector. Copies are Gas Safety same property. A tenant has greater rights available from the Union reception. It is up than a licensee; most importantly, you can to you to ensure that your landlord keeps to Every year there are deaths caused by car not be evicted without a court order (and, their side of the bargain. Don't put up with bon monoxide. Danger signs include soot or hence, a proper reason). bad or unsafe accommodation and don't discolouring on or around a gas fire, a yel wave goodbye to your deposit at the end just low flame in your gas fire or water heater and License agreements, though they offer less because "it's one of the facets of student life a strange smell when the appliance is on. protection, are not necessarily a problem. in London". It isn't. Symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning However, because you might be living in your are tiredness, headaches, and chest and landlords/lady's actual home, you should be If you have any problems with property that stomach pains. Your landlord must ensure clear as to what house-rules are to be you obtained via the Accommodation notice- that all gas appliances are checked yearly applied. You should also try and get an idea board, you should write and tell them about and, by law, has to obtain a Certificate of of what they are like on a personal level. it as they can only monitor the landlords who Gas Safety from a Corgi registered engineer. advertise via your feedback. Properties are Speak to him/her if you have any concerns. You should be allowed to live in peace not inspected nor vetted by college in any If your landlord refuses to show you the without interference from the owner (though way. However, if the Accommodation Office certificate or even to have the appliances they may want to occasionally check the con has been told of a problem, they can and checked, contact the Gas Safety Helpline dition of the place). The owner is also will remove landlords from their list. immediately.

Meningitis By now I expect that almost all the students What does meningitis do? at Imperial have heard about the tragic It inflames the tissues that cover the brain events earlier this year. The best thing we can (meninges) and spinal cord. The same bac do now is learn. teria responsible for inflammation of the meninges are also responsible for the vari Although knowing the symptoms is vital, the ant meningococcal septicaemia, which most important thing is quick action. In real causes bleeding under the skin. ity, you start by feeling unwell, perhaps bad enough to go home then and there. When Can I develop meningitis? you get home you might be sick or just close The risk of developing meningitis is very the curtains and try to sleep. This is the point small, even if you have been in direct con when you should phone the ambulance, but tact with a diagnosed case. The causal bac you won't because you will feel too silly. teria is carried, in fact, by approximately 10 Hopefully, you would phone when the percent of people. There is still a risk, how headache became too bad or you realised ever, and it saves lives if you are aware of you couldn't stand the light, but you might the symptoms. still feel daft. What are the symptoms? HHHk So maybe the truth about surviving meningitis The symptoms are similar to flu in many is bite the bullet. Pick up the phone and dial respects, but symptoms get progressively 999. No-one in Casualty will think you are two types of bacterial meningitis; meningo worse very rapidly. Symptoms include; vom stupid. You could save your own or some coccal and pneumococcal. In addition the iting, fever, severe headache, joint pains, one else's life and if it is only a cold then bacteria can result in septicaemia. aversion to bright lights, lethargy, confusion you'll live to tell a great story down the bar! and fits. In addition to this rashes appear dur How is bacterial meningitis spread? ing septicaemia. However, it is important to What are the different types? Many people carry the bacteria in the back note that not all the symptoms may be pre There are two types: Viral and Bacterial, of the throat. Whilst the bacteria can be sent. whilst viral is the most common it is unlikely spread by kissing, sneezing and coughing it to be life threatening. Bacterial meningitis is is weak outside the body. After exposure Don't wait for the rash - sometimes it's only quite rare but may be very serious. There are symptoms usually appear after 2-1 0 days. seen at post mortem. Spring '99 ICU Welfare Newsletter WHO CAN I TALK TO?

David Allman Martin Thomson The CCUs

Studying and The Union It may seem sometimes that there's never living at univer has an anyone to talk to when you need advice. sity can some elected, non- Sure, your tutor helps you with your work, times be sabbatical, your flatmates attempt to revive your flag stressful and welfare com ging social life, and your parents send you lonely as well as mittee who emergency cash if you're lucky, but all the challenging and are responsi other stuff that you either can't ask or don't exciting. The ble for taking know how... All of the benefits of the pol courses at up issues of icy and initiatives from ICU's hard-work Imperial Col concern to ing welfare committee are readily available lege are students on to you, and you only need to ask. It's easy demanding; welfare mat enough to email [email protected], and they require ters (these your emails to welfare are guarded by a commitment of would be policy of confidentiality. time and effort. issues related It's not unusual to the experi Your own constituent college also has a to experience a ence of representative - if you don't know whether knock to your self-esteem to find yourself studying at IC rather than specific legal or your particular issue is something that amongst similarly intelligent students after personal problems). The Union Welfare welfare can deal with, or you just want to having been at or near the top of your class Committee needs your input in order to know exactly what you're entitled to, you at school. represent your best interests and respond should enquire with your CCU welfare to your concerns. You can contact the rep, and they'll put you straight. They You might have arrived at Imperial from Welfare Officer via the Union Office. As should have a pigeon-hole in your CCU another country with different social and well as the Welfare Officer himself, the office (and if you haven't found that yet, cultural norms, so that part of beginning at Union has a plethora of elected officers you've definitely been studying far too College involves the experience of living in looking out for your interests, including hard...!). Alternatively, contact details can a different culture. Family and friends may accommodation, equal opportunities, be found in the ICU Handbook, available be a long distance away. And if you're com women's and Constituent College Union from Union reception, or on your CCU's ing to College straight from home you may Welfare officers. website. have to learn the practicalities of everyday living as well! Coming to university might be A full-time adviser, Martin Thomson, is one of the biggest transitions you're going employed in the Union to provide a pro to make in your life. fessional advice service to students and London nightline staff. The Advice Office has a very broad If you're not used to organising yourself and information system (which includes a full 0171 631 0101 getting on with studying without a parent or Citizen's Advice Bureau information data teacher prompting you, it can be a consid base) and Martin has several years of gen erable challenge to manage your work. On eral advice experience. the other hand, sometimes students work too Confidential listening and practical information hard and get diminishing returns; fear of fail If you have a problem of any kind, or you lor students by students in London. ure or 'letting people down' can get in the just want information on a particular topic, way of constructive studying. then he should be able to either assist you Every night of term. 6pm - Sam or, where necessary, refer you to an appro Sometimes personal issues demand energy priate source outside of the College. The which you would otherwise be using to get service is free, confidential and impartial » Welfare information on accommodation, on with your life. Sometimes you'll know what (which means that no matter what your financial matters & health the problem is, eg a relationship difficulty, problem or situation is, you will receive a bereavement, an issue about self-confi unbiased assistance, not judgmental ques London listings of films, clubs & theatres dence. But sometimes you might be aware tions). of feeling depressed or anxious, of finding Taxi & night bus timetables it difficult to concentrate at lectures or when Matters frequently dealt with include hous Listening support from fellow students studying, for no immediately identifiable rea ing problems, immigration, consumer mat son. ters, debt, and fundraising (for students who run out of money toward the end of their Many students find it useful to come to studies). In addition to leaflets on the above Nightline is here, whether you want counselling when they're feeling troubled, to there is a broad range of free information information or simply someone to talk to. talk about their experience, to think through available in the Union reception which a problem, and to consider options and includes material on health matters, ben create a strategy to move forward. Issues stu efits, income tax and the small claims If you are interested in becoming a volunteer, dents bring include; blocks to studying and court. contact, us and speak to one of the volunteers exam stress; relationship difficulties; family on duty. difficulties; homesickness; loneliness; depres To see Martin, you should make an To m.'jintaii! iXjriiidfcTiii;.:ity <>;[ ouj volunU'ei'i,

IC Advice Contacts Family Planning Drugs Martin Thompson - Union Advisor Brook Advisory Centre Release Emerge (0171 59) 48067 or (59)48060 0171 617 8000 0171 603 8654 [email protected] Family Planning Association Turning Point David Allman - College Counsellor 0171 837 5432 0171 702 2300 (0171 59)49430 Alcohol Advice [email protected] 0345 320202 IC Health Centre Pregnancy Advice Alcohol Concern Enquiries: (0171 59)49375 I i S8 /377 Emergencies: 4444 (internal) British Pregnancy Advisory 1 i . meet 11 org.uk Accomodation Office 0345 304030 Alcoholics Anonymous (0171 59)49444 Abortion Councelling 0171 833 0022 01926 311511 Smokers Quitline National Childbirth Trust 0171 487 3000 Housing 0181 992 8637 QUIT - Smoking 0800 002200 Shelter 0171 505 2000 or 0800 446 441 Lesbian Gay & Bisexual Missing Persons www.shelter.org.uk Gas Safety Acceptance Helpline - Support Group Message Home 0800 300 363 01795 661463 0500 700 740 PACE - Councelling Service National Missing Persons Helpline 0171 263 6200 0500 700 700 Accomodation LGB Switchboard The Salvation Army Family Tracing Service 0171 837 7324 01 71 383 2772 University of London IQ www.lon.ac.uk/accom/ [email protected] Loot www.su.ic.ac.uk/IQ Women www.loot.com Women against sexual harrassment Sexually Transmitted Diseases 0171 405 0430 Disabled Women's Health Charing Cross Hospital GUM 0171 251 6580 DIAL-UK - The Disability Helpline 0181 846 1567 Women's Therapy Centre 01302 310123 St Stephen's Clinic 0171 263 6200 Disabled Living Foundation 0181 846 6171/2 Women's Aid National Helpline 0171 289 61 1 1 0345 023468 RADAR - Rehabilitation Support 0171 250 3222 Rape Dyslexia Institute Bereavement 01784 463851 Rape Crisis Centre www.dyslexia-inst.org.uk 0171 837 1600 The Compassionate Friends Loretto O'Callaghan - IC Disabilities Offic 01 17 953 9639 (0171 59)48935 Cot Death line [email protected] A1U5 0171 235 1721 Skill - Students with disabilities Cruse Bereavement Line 0800 328 5050 National Aids Helpline 0181 332 7227 0171 450 0620 0800 567123 Stillbirth & Neonatal Death Society www.skill.org.uk Terrence Higgins Trust 0171 436 5881 [email protected] 0171 242 1010 Mencap 0171 454 0454 Debt National Association for Mental Health Family 0345 660163 National Debtline SANELINE Relate 0171 296 8000 0345 678000 0171 580 1087 Gingerbread - Advice for single parents 0171 336 8184 Absolutely Everything Deaf & Blind National Council for One Parent Families 0171 428 5400 Nightline - Free advice, 6pm - 8am Royal National Institute for the Blind Parent Nelwork 0171 631 010 0171 388 1266 0171 735 1214 The Samatitans Royal National Institute for the Deaf National Family Mediation 0345 909090 0171 296 8000 0171 383 5993 www.samaritans.org.uk