Autumn 2020 / Liv Fun 1 Autumn 2020

AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 1 AUTUMN 2020

Open Eyes: A Publication of “Love does not see with the eyes, but with the soul.” — William Shakespeare

www.leisurecare.com 999 Third Avenue, Suite 4550 FEATURES: Seattle, WA 98104 5. Thoughts From the Home Office Leisure Care Staying apart, staying together 6 Chelsia Andreassen Senior Director of Marketing 14. The Nun Study Published four times per year for The startling research on aging with grace distribution to our residents and their families. 24. The Big Squeeze We don’t all get an angel to show us the truth Created by Wise Publishing Group 38. A Tomato Named Beefsteak www.wisepublishinggroup.com What can one expect from a garden like this? Publisher/Editor-in-Chief Max Wells [email protected] Managing/Copy Editor DEPARTMENTS: Carol Pearson [email protected] CREATIVE LOAFING Art Director 8. Entertain Your Brain! Mike Inks, MLI Design www.mlidesign.co Book, movie and music reviews [email protected] 12. Out and About: 500 Words a Day Ad Sales Let your words fill your sails [email protected] Production: 20. Brain Games MLi Design Crossword and Sudoku www.mlidesign.co Printing: USEFUL NOW Journal Graphics www.journalgraphics.com 6. Style Wise: The Vanishing Point Oyster bar or wine bar? Depends on your view …

Contributing Authors 21. Healthy U: Greet the Day Nancy Gertz Push your physical edge a bit more each day Mazduda Hassan Julia Hogan 22. Money Matters: Splurge When It Matters Robert Horton The wisdom of being selectively frugal Pam Mandel Skye Moody 31. Advice for the Journey: No Extreme Measures John Pearson George A. Santino How to look ahead when we want our old lives back Misha Stone David Tumbarello PERSPECTIVE SHIFTING Jeff Wozer Rabbi Elana Zaiman 32. Your Life Well Lived: Watch Me True learning begins with our eyes Proofreaders Cheryl Knight 34. Live Big, Live Bold: Little Habits, Big Difference Diane Smith 5 ways to grow happiness a little more each day 40. Ethics & Spirituality: Yachad

The art of connecting as a community Cover Photo © lisegagne Advertisement 2 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 3 THOUGHTS FROM THE HOME OFFICE Staying Apart, Together

Greetings everyone,

This issue of LivFun could not have been more timely. Leisure Care communities have never been more creative in cultivating connectedness and finding happiness in uncon- ventional ways. As the last few months have forced us to stay physically apart, our communities have come together What’s the most fun way to keep your mind and body active? like never before. From virtual happy hours and meal delivery to video calls Learning to play the piano! and car parades, our communities continue to exemplify the best of the human spirit. We have seen our communities come together in extraordinary times, and we continue to do ◊ Fun! so. We could go on forever, telling you how our residents are embodying our Five-Star Fun promise while staying apart ◊ Easier and faster together, but we know that a picture is worth a thousand than you think words.

All our best, ◊ Research shows Greg Clark and the entire Leisure Care team playing the piano keeps your mind and body healthy

It’s YOUR turn to play!

Let 6X Emmy winner Scott “The Piano Guy” Houston show you how at: www.pianoinaflash.com/livfun

4 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 5 Style Wise: Expressing Your Unique Self “flâneur: (French) a stroller, with all of its accompanying associations.”

This belated noticing of an object, or what we see is what we get, I hope the place, or article of clothing, etc., has camel’s vision is borne out. kicked my Achilles heel for as long as Yet when it comes to witnessing I can recall. Teachers and other adults homeless camps, video replays of often admonish me for interludes of bloody violence, robbery, child abuse, inattention and daydreaming; no doubt fights, even murder in our streets, I possess a nomadic mind. I’m paying viewers’ points of view swing from attention alright, just to different phe- blind disregard to denial to righteous nomena. Simply put, Robyn and I see anger. When witnessing trouble brew- the world through different eyes. ing, some refuse to watch; whether DNA and education have formed out of skittishness, cowardice, fear, or Robyn’s sharp, focused, left-brained denial, they intentionally go blind, es- view of the world. She’s a keen caping harsh realities and intervention. observer, a data gatherer who, in one Any excuse to avoid confrontation. glance, drinks in a million fact-based Reality can be so offensive. Change items of information. By profession a the channel, quick. Whew! medical cost accountant, Robyn col- In the face of injustice or physical lects everything she sees in a lexicon violence, Robyn and I see alike. While I can’t translate, storing her visual I dive right in, place my body between experiences in detailed columns and the fighters, try to diffuse the tense VANISHING POINT indices, numbers, lists and transcripts situation, Robyn’s feistiness and moral impressed on her unfailing memory. outrage similarly erupts. Her former My brain tends to ride the odd San Francisco ’60’s flower girl morphs zephyr; thus, my visual experiences into a fierce freedom fighter, and she’s record differently. Today, for example, all in for justice and (hopefully, even-

© middelveld while Robyn can name and cite the his- tually) peace. V tory of every commercial space along The sightless possess their unique Newport Avenue toward the beach and adaptation of seeing. I fear most losing Oyster bar? Wine bar? the Pacific Ocean, I am focusing on my eyesight. When, twice each day, a the vanishing point, where a squadron pandemonium of wild Amazon parrots Depends entirely on your point of view. of pelicans flies single file above the zooms amongst the local palm trees in ocean, while on the strand, a bunch of streaks of bright green painted across kids are burying a toddler up to his head an electric blue sky, an injection of by Skye Moody in sparkling sand. Meanwhile Robyn such joy inhabits my spirit that my Novelist, essayist, photographer and world traveler swallows in the whole panorama, en- whole day is better for the experience. graving it onto her brain. Where Robyn Likewise, witnessing an act of sees a man with a red beard wearing a kindness — neighbor to neighbor, strolling along Newport Avenue with my friend Robyn when we pass an polka-dot shirt and sunglasses, I per- children to parents, stranger to upscale oyster bar. ceive a guy with an ungroomed beard stranger — infuses me with a glad- I’m“Wow,” I say. “It’s great to see a snazzy new bar in the neighborhood.” and Ray-Bans but couldn’t tell you if he ness that soars my heart. Even while Robyn whips her head around to stare at me. Appalled, she says, “That bar has was wearing a shirt. we must not blind our eyes to others’ been there 40 years. It’s the most popular wine bar in Ocean Beach, and you’re The world is full of vanishing suffering, we can allow our hearts to just now discovering it?” points, angles, shadows, light and per- ride the rainbows of gratitude and joy. Oyster bar? Wine bar? Which best describes it? spective. The eye can be easily fooled. Our rainbows are gifts, kaleidoscopes Robyn should know; she’s lived in the neighborhood most of her life. I’m a To a desert camel’s eyes, the mirage brightening grayer landscapes. newbie. I squint and stammer, “Oh. Guess I never noticed it. You know ... being ahead registers as an oasis of water, Avid flâneurs both, Robyn and I top new ...” but his thirst-starved passenger, nearly off our afternoon stroll with wine toasts Robyn planes her eyes at me and scoffs at my tiresome newbie alibi. dead, has lost all hope and interprets and oysters on the half shell at the slick “How can you have missed that bar for so many months?” the optical illusion as a lake of fire. If old/new bar on Newport Avenue. u

6 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 7 Entertain Your Brain: Books Entertain Your Brain: Movies by Misha Stone by Robert Horton Readers’ advisory librarian & Booklist Magazine blogger Member, National Society of Film Critics

“While the crisis lasted, people loved each other.” “Acting is really about having the courage to fail in front of people.” — Catholic activist Dorothy Day — Adam Driver

A Paradise Built in Hell: The Extraordinary Communities That Arise in Disaster Devs (2020) by Rebecca Solnit (Penguin, $16) If you like a lot of science in your science fiction, writer-director Alex Garland (he did the ter- Popular opinion holds that in times of catastrophe, people turn on one another and cannot be rific Ex Machina) has you covered. This eight-part miniseries looks inside a technology cam- trusted to rise above primal instincts; Solnit’s sweeping, inspirational survey of catastrophic pus where a hush-hush project is hatching, the specifics of which are best discovered gradu- events tells a different story. When the 1906 earthquake devastated San Francisco, class strati- ally. As the series unpacks its secrets, the speculations on quantum physics and the possibility fications broke down and impromptu soup kitchens sprung up to feed the needy. Generosity of seeing time in a new way become as many-sided as the multiverse. In its most adventurous abounded as mutual aid flourished in solidarity with fellow sufferers; everyday heroes helped episode, most of the action appears to take place in various kinds of speculative timelines. their neighbors. Catholic activist Dorothy Day said: “While the crisis lasted, people loved The motivations of the scruffy tech guru (Nick Offerman) feel a little familiar for this kind of each other.” The same phenomenon of altruistic care cropped up in the wake of the 1917 Hali- story (personal loss fuels his determination to revive the past, making him lose his moral bear- fax explosion, the London Blitz, Mexico City’s 1985 earthquake, and even Hurricane Katrina. ings), and some of the casting decisions are iffy. But the extravagant design is heady enough Media shaped and warped the American perception of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina to make you believe this world exists — and believe, even briefly, that the “real world” may while countless acts of sacrifice and community aid predominated. Solnit infuses this history be less real than we suspect. That’s the kind of mind-bending we want from brainy sci-fi, and lesson with the stories of heroism that get buried by the march of time. Humanity’s ability to Devs delivers it in a deep-dive 400 minutes. (Available streaming on Hulu.) survive, thrive, and reach out a hand to lift others is a testament not just to resilience, but also to hope. Nostalgia for the Light (2010) All Adults Here by Emma Straub (Riverhead Books, $27) The Atacama Desert in Chile has some of the clearest skies on the planet, which is why so Astrid Strick is a 68-year-old widow when she decides to tell her adult children there is many astronomers work at observatories there. The great documentary filmmaker Patricio someone new in her life. She’s been carrying on a secret affair with her hairdresser, Birdie, Guzman explores this high plateau in Nostalgia for the Light, finding cosmic poetry in the and when she witnesses the death of an acquaintance, she knows it’s time to be open about the exploration of the stars (one scientist delightedly reminds us that some of the calcium in our relationship. Set in a small Hudson River Valley town, Astrid’s life becomes more complicat- bones was made shortly after the Big Bang). The film also has a fascinating political subtext, ed when her granddaughter Cecilia comes to stay a year to dodge an incident with classmates as the search for evidence in the Universe shares focus with the search for evidence of the in New York City. Then there are Astrid’s two local living children: Porter is a single cheese atrocities committed during the Pinochet era in the ’70s and ’80s — the desert was used as a maker, pregnant by choice via sperm bank and carrying on with a married man; and Elliott is a place for hiding the bodies of the “disappeared.” This comparison of galactic dreaming and wealthy business owner who strives for control. Straub breathes humanity and dimension into earthly grief is powerful indeed, and so is the portrait of how time operates in space and on the her characters and takes them each in hand to embrace the messy nature of their lives and the ground. (Available streaming on iTunes, Amazon Prime, Vimeo and Ovid.) ability to live life to the fullest. It’s refreshing to read a novel about a dysfunctional family that corrects its own dysfunction by facing the past and their erroneous perceptions of one another. Paterson (2016) The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin (Orbit Books, $28) He lives in Paterson, New Jersey, and his name is Paterson. Funny coincidences like that New York is coming into being, its beautiful, teeming plurality allowing for its birth as a ma- abound in Jim Jarmusch’s lovely gem of a movie, which casts Adam Driver as a bus driver jor force in the world. Each borough of the city is represented by an individual who becomes a who writes poetry on the side — or is he a poet who drives a bus on the side? Either way, Pat- divining rod for a power New York needs to fully claim its greatness. It’s a messy and uncer- erson keeps to his strict timetables (both bus drivers and poets have to be disciplined after all), tain process; white supremacists, neo-Nazis, and the tendrils of a supernatural evil gather to while his entrepreneurial wife (Golshifteh Farahani) dreams up schemes to express herself. threaten this powerful plurality. A grad student arrives in the city and comes to understand that The movie is a love letter to simplicity, to people living ordinary lives but finding the extraor- he is now the embodiment of Manhattan. A native Lenape gallery owner, Bronca, discovers dinary within them. In some ways, it’s about looking at things and really seeing something that she represents the Bronx. Queens is represented by an Indian mathematician, while for- there, from the spectacular to the everyday. Just as Paterson creates poems about love and a mer rapper and city councilwoman Brooklyn harnesses her namesake borough. Can they find box of matches, Jarmusch creates movies about big and little subjects, which rarely combine each other and combine forces before the looming evil takes over? Three-time Hugo Award- as meaningfully as in this film. (Available streaming on Amazon Prime, Vudu, Google Play winning author of the Broken Earth series, Jemisin crafts compelling fantasies that open our and iTunes.) eyes to both the injustice and the beauty of this world through the lens of the fantastical. So while this is a fantasy, it is also grounded in reality and brings New York alive in all of its glory and potential.

8 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 9 Entertain Your Brain: Music by John Pearson Retired musician and lifelong enthusiast

“There are only four people who knew what the Beatles were about anyway.” — Paul McCartney

Blackbird (Album cut) — The Beatles, 1968 Included on their eponymous double-record release (aka “The White Album”), and attributed to Lennon-McCartney, “Blackbird” was in fact written and performed solely by McCartney. The song, like “Yesterday” and “Eleanor Rigby” before it, marks a departure from traditional rock-and-roll backing instruments, underlining yet again The Beatles’ absolute refusal to fall into the routine of producing the expected. The arrangement juxtaposes a simple, repetitive lyric whose seriousness contrasts interestingly with a jaunty, sparse, fingerpicked guitar. The result is a hauntingly beautiful effect. The vocal is directed to someone in need of hope and encouragement and unabashedly challenges him or her to learn to fly, to learn to see, to take advantage of the moment — the moment one may not even realize is at hand — and be free.

New Day (Album cut) — Jackie Lomax, Is This What You Want?, 1969 Released as a single in the U.K., “New Day” was included only in the U.S. version of Lomax’s debut Is This What You Want? album. Notable for its association with Apple records, the album features contributions by a long list of high-profile artists, including three of the Beatles, Eric Clapton, Klaus Voorman, and a number of well-respected studio musicians. Written by Lomax, “New Day” provides a powerful and optimistic vision of better things to come. It pulses relent- lessly forward from the organ intro on, challenging the listener to assess his or her life choices and see that a new day will soon dawn. Snazzy guitar licks adorn the ’60s-inspired lyrics that end with the reassuring words: “And I think it’s gonna be alright, and I’m sure I can see the light of a new day.” The song is well-written, expertly produced and energetically performed. One wonders why it and the album as a whole did not achieve more commercial success.

Vision of Love (Single) — Mariah Carey, 1990 Co-written by Carey, “Vision of Love” became a game-changer in the world of female vo- calists; it climbed straight to Number 1 on the charts, launching the artist’s career and her rise to stardom. Billboard called it a “velvety stunner … brimming with unbridled power and confidence.” Music writer Bill Lamb said on About.com: “It is simply one of the most stunning debut releases ever …” Michael Slezak, writing in Entertainment Weekly wrote “… this exuberant ballad is a near-religious listening experience.” The coupling of excellent lyrics with a strong melody added to a near-perfect arrangement, finalized via flawless recording and mixing, all contribute to the success of the song. The backing musicians rise to the occasion, especially bassist Marcus Miller, yet it is clear that Carey’s vocal performance outshines all. Her range and control are phenomenal. One small quibble unique, I’m sure, to this reviewer alone: The use of her whistle register was unnecessary and detracts slightly from the overall performance. Let it be said that using the song as a showcase for her range obviously worked well for her, but the concept of “throw in everything you’ve got even if it’s not called for” is not always the best idea. Quibble aside, the dramatic return from the bridge and into the last verse at approximately 2:13 gives me goosebumps every time. u

10 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 11 eren’t you in Sinai in the get started. But starting wasn’t enough. paragraph. My memory would be Out and About: Journeys Completed or Contemplated 1980s?” I had to find a place where my mind dark; the words would not come. But I “WThis is my friend Alex. We are old was sharp enough to write, but not so would make myself go forward, even friends through travel; sometimes we sharp that I was critical of the work as I when it felt forced. trade stories. Alex has a sharp memo- went along. I had to go with the flow. Ultimately, I stayed with it. Two, ry, better than mine. I don’t remember It wasn’t my job to write this story, perhaps three months in, I had made talking to him about my travels in the though; no one was paying me. Not the writing a habit. Coffee, computer, Middle East, but he’s not wrong. only did I need to find the flow, I had then writing, writing, writing. It was “I wish you would write about it,” he to find my way in and out of it over the almost subconscious. It was how I continues. “It was such a different time.” course of the several months I spent started my day. Memory is so strange. I close my writing. That took some figuring out; It was how I wrote my book. eyes and try to imagine the narrow after all, there were meals to cook, *** beach along the Red Sea, a strip of laundry to wash, a dog that wants When I was in college, I went swim- highway between the beach and the walking twice a day. ming nearly every day at lunch time. I desert. It was such a long time ago; I Each day, I dedicated some time to was never strong enough to compete, 500 was so young, and everything was new. writing. I do my best work early in but I loved slicing through the water “Maybe. If I can get back there.” I the morning, so that’s the time I gave for half an hour. It was beautiful too, WORDS correct myself: “I mean in my mind, myself. First thing every day I would the blue and yellow floats of the lane not actually physically back there, but make a strong cup of coffee, turn on lines, the tile on the bottom of the Let the words fill your sails … you know.” pool, the sparkling light through the so you can tell your story. A few days later, I start to write. I sit water. It was great for my body, of down at my computer, open a docu- course. I was in fantastic shape. by Pam Mandel ment, and the words come spilling He sent me into It was great for my mind too. Five out as though I was just waiting for “ minutes in the water and my mind Freelance travel writer and photographer someone to ask. would quiet. I didn’t feel the effort. I *** the attic of my memory could swim a mile without even notic- Advice for writers can be so frustrating. ing. I was a long-distance cyclist for a “You want to write a book, write a to find a shoebox that while too, and it was the same. Once I book.” A writer friend shared this from hit my stride, it felt like I could cross his mentor. It’s not helpful. the country on my bike, stopping only “It’s just about time at the keyboard. held what I needed to to refuel. You just have to do the time.” This Writing this way — as a habit, 500 friend made it sound like sitting at my get started. words a day — allowed me to feel the desk would be enough. ” same effortlessness I’d experienced “You have to just, you know, finish from more physical activities. The it,” a well-known author told me over physical benefits aren’t the same as a lunch one day. long swim or a 50-mile bike ride, of This is similar to what another writer my computer, and write. Early morn- course. But I was able to hit that same friend told me. “You have to just write ings work for me because I’m undis- mental state. The suspension of time. forward until you get to the end. Don’t turbed, but I know plenty of writers The forward motion. Writing until I look back.” OK, that last one is good who like late night for the same rea- was done. advice. If you keep revising, you’ll son. Regardless, I had a window in my I understand now, from the outside, never finish. day allocated for writing, and I used it that my process was about creating an These well-intentioned fellow writers five, sometimes seven, days a week. environment where I could feel about failed to mention something that be- I set myself the goal of 500 words writing the same way I had with swim- came critical for me. You have to build a day. I did not allow myself to get ming and cycling. I accidentally built momentum. You have to give in to the up (except for more coffee) until the a practice that works for me, that helps process. You have to build a practice. word counter at the bottom of the page me find that magical state of flow -ev And you have to go with the flow. had increased by 500 words. Some ery time I sit down at the keyboard. *** days it was easy; I knew exactly what It’s personal, though I now under- I was lucky. My friend Alex asked I wanted to write. I would breeze past stand what those other writers were me to tell a story that it turns out I’ve my goal and keep going for an hour, telling me. Find your practice, they been hungry to tell for decades. He sent two, or more if it was going well and I meant, and do it until you’re done. me into the attic of my memory to find had no other obligations. Other days, For me, that was morning coffee and a shoebox that held what I needed to I would struggle to type out a single 500 words a day. u © EmirMemedovski

12 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 13 The ‘Nun Study’ of the Sistersof

THE STARTLING RESEARCH THAT UNCOVERED NotreTHE SECRETS TO AGINGDame WITH GRACE. by Mazduda Hassan

As Dr. David Snowdon was about to start his research on the School Sisters of Notre Dame, their elected leader Sister Carmen gave him a stern warning: “… I want to move forward with your request, but I want you to remember who these women are. They are real people, very dear to us. I don’t want you to treat them as research subjects.” (Snowden, 2002)

Snowdon took that request to heart. As he shared his research journey in his book Aging With Grace, it became only more evident how the “Nun Study of Aging and Alzheimer’s Disease” not only garnered data and numbers, but a lifetime friendship between Snowdon and the nuns who shared a common purpose — to help the world learn how to live longer and better. © Aaron Yoder © Aaron Yoder

14 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 15 Sister Mary wondered out loud to her doctor. “Are you giving me medicines to keep me alive when all my desire is to be with Jesus?” The doctor replied, “It’s not my medicine that is keeping you alive. It is your attitude.” It appears the doctor was right. What made Sister Mary a remarkably healthy centenarian was quite possibly her attitude toward life. When the time came for retirement at age 77, after teaching sixth and eighth graders for 42 years, Sister Mary cut back her hours and stayed on as a part-time

teacher. When she reached 84 and had to © Meinzahn fully retire, she would not admit her retirement, saying, “I only retire at night.” THE BEGINNING OF THE THE NUN STUDY — A THE POWER OF POSITIVITY Sister Mary turned her full attention STUDY LIFETIME EXPERIMENT As Snowdon went through the to helping others closer to home, caring Snowdon, the researcher who The reason Snowdon wanted to archives and autobiographies of some for the other sisters in the assisted-living originated the Nun Study, did not know study the nuns was straightforward: 200 nuns, he noticed that early life wing of their convent. She also prayed this would be the topic of his research All the nuns had similar lifestyles with emotions seemed to play an important with a world map to dedicate her prayers when he first set foot at the convent of similar economic and social status, role in their later life. When he com- to each continent every day. the School Sisters of Notre Dame. He eliminating many of the variables that pared the number of positive words An active member of the Nun Study, was trying to find a research project to typically confront researchers. They contained in their writings versus the Sister Mary appeared for a mental assess- secure his position at the University of ate well, never smoked or drank, and number of negative comments, some ment test at age 101. She performed well Minnesota and realized the community did not go through pregnancy. This clear trends emerged: above average in some areas, indicat- provided a unique community for study. provided a rare controlled opportunity • The nuns expressing fewer positive ing that her memory was not affected Initially, his expectations were fairly that could help the researchers clearly emotions did not live as long as the Sby her age. And she showed no signs low for how much information he identify possible reasons why some nuns with more positive comments. of Alzheimer’s, a type of dementia that could gather from his subjects. He was of them had a healthy, long life while In fact, the nuns who expressed afflicts more than 5 million Americans. sure many of these women might not others did not. more positive emotions lived on av- (Alzheimer’s Association, 2019) even remember their lives that well. In total, 678 nuns signed on to the erage a decade longer than the less Still, it was not Sister Mary’s great Even if they did, how would he know study, agreeing to donate their brains positive nuns. memory condition itself that surprised the that their memories were accurate? to science after death and submit- • The most positive nuns had an researchers. The surprise was after her After several fairly routine months ting to annual blood work, cognitive 80% chance of living to the age of 85, death, when an autopsy revealed that her of study, Snowdon stumbled across assessments, medical exams, and while the less positive nuns had only a brain showed all the physical markers of two metal file cabinets that changed physical assessments for the duration 54% chance. Alzheimer’s. everything. In those cabinet drawers of the study. When lifelong educa- • Among those positive nuns who Somehow, Sister Mary had the physi- were the archives of all the personal tor Sister Mary was asked why she reached the age of 85 or more, 54% cal existence of Alzheimer’s in her brain records written by the nuns when they agreed to volunteer in the study, her reached the age of 94, compared to yet she never showed any symptoms of it. were young. Snowdon could now answer simple: “The Nun Study al- just 15% of the less positive nuns. Despite her “Alzheimer’s-inflicted” brain, study their younger lives and also their lows me to keep teaching even after Positive emotions not only help them The Nun Study allows me to Sister Mary enjoyed a happy, healthy life later years to see if he could find any I die.” in longevity, but also in memory. In a “ with fully functioning memory. correlation between the factors that Remarkably, the study that started later study, Snowdon found that there keep teaching even after I die.” What made it possible? This is the made some nuns enjoy aging while in 1986 is still ongoing, allowing was a direct relationship between a lack question for which the Nun Study contin- causing others to suffer with age-related researchers to discover more and more of positive emotion in their writings © Madzia71 ues to seek answers. memory decline. clues to aging and memory loss. and higher memory loss as they aged.

16 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 17 How can we use this information Snowdon also referred to another of Notre Dame have shown me that old to nurture our own positivity? As the long-term study held among the resi- age is not something to fear and revile. Nun Study suggests, positivity does dents of Alameda County, California, It can be a time of promise and renewal, not come from being hopeful about a where it has been shown that all forms of watching with a knowing eye, of ac- bright, distant future. It comes from of human relationships — including cepting the lessons that life has taught, adding meaning and purpose to our marriage, social groups, churches, and, if possible, passing them on to the present lives. As the Sisters of Notre clubs, or even regular contact with generations that will follow.” u Dame have shown us, positivity can family and friends — adds years to our Creativity at be cultivated by practicing gratitude lives. A paper published at the Journal Sources: and compassion, as well as nurturing of Evolution and Human Behavior Alzheimer’s Association. (2019). Al- our relationships and having faith in confirms that the act of caregiving, both zheimer’s Facts and Figures. Retrieved something greater than ourselves. in and out of the family, increases lon- on June 8, 2020, from alz.org. gevity among older adults. Researchers Leisure Care COMMUNITY LIVING AND believe this is due to the activation of Butler, Steven M.; and Snowdon, David CAREGIVING the neural and hormonal system during A. (1996). “Trends in Mortality in Sister Mary would not stop caring for the caregiving. (Hilbrand et al., 2017) Older Women: Findings From The Nun the people around her even after retiring The Nun Study is a remarkable look Study.” Journal of Gerontology, 518-4, from a lifetime of service. She helped at aging, and it shows us that aging S202-S208. Communities the nuns at the convent who were not does not necessarily mean the end of Hilbrand, Sonja; Coall, David A.; Ger- aging as well as she was, assisting with a happy life. Indeed, aging can be a storf, Denis; and Hertwig, Ralph. (2017). their daily chores and care. Did her wonderful journey if we teach ourselves Leisure Care communities across the country have become even more “Caregiving Within and Beyond the community living and caregiving add to how to age happily and healthily. Family Is Associated With Lower Mor- creative in their efforts to engage residents over the past few months. her longevity? So let’s start doing more things that tality for the Caregiver: A Prospective Knowing that writing is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety, According to Snowdon’s observations, fill us with grace. Maybe offer to help Study.” Evolution and Human Behavior, yes. Nuns in general have a significantly at your local school, join a book club The Carillon at Boulder Creek, a Leisure Care community, held a poetry 38(3), 397-403. Retrieved June 8, 2020, longer life than other women on average. that focuses on positive messages, from ScienceDirect.com. contest for residents to write about this unprecedented time. (Butler and Snowdon, 1996). Although start a community garden, invite a new the Nun Study is not designed to friend on your daily walks … all with Snowdon, David. (2002). Aging With measure the effect of communal living, an attitude of gratitude for the positive Grace: What the Nun Study Teaches Us Resident Joan Patch won with the following poem. We believe Snowdon strongly believes that commu- things in your life. About Leading Longer, Healthier, and this poem summarizes how so many of our residents and nal living is the second most important As Snowdon concludes in his book More Meaningful Lives. New York, NY: factor that leads to longevity. Aging With Grace: “The School Sisters Bantam Books. staff are feeling as we patiently, but expectantly, wait for the day when we can all be together again post-COVID.

Staying at home Relief not tomorrow Told not to roam Much to my sorrow Wish I could see Just have to wait Someone else, not just me. For an all clear date.

Masks on our faces Then we’ll open our doors When out of our places On all of our floors Meetings on Zoom Say hi to our friends No public places. Isolation ends!

LeisureCare.com © chasdesign © wjarek

18 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 19 Brain Games John Pearson, Puzzle Editor Healthy U: Good Health 101 and Beyond Crossword Puzzle I Can See Clearly Now ACROSS DOWN 1 Support unit? 1 Sitter’s challenge 4 Jewish month 2 Baby or Dr. follower Getting Fit as You 8 Sour 3 Deer playmates? 12 Operate 4 Curvilinear Greet the Day 13 Assign values 5 Morse bit 14 First part of a quote by George 6 Put on the feedbag PUSH YOUR EDGE A LITTLE BIT MORE EVERY DAY Washington Carver 7 Breathe 16 Grabs on 8 Doppelganger 18 Salt component, usually 9 Call at sea 20 Second part of quote 10 Before head or herring 21 Pay (up) 11 Excursions 23 Margaret short? 15 1950’s PM of the UK 24 Old Ford trim level 17 They may be liberal or martial 25 Dance move 19 Self-esteem 26 Third part of quote 22 Get off the fence 27 Andy’s TV partner 25 Say it’s not true by David Tumbarello

29 Stewart-Novak thriller 26 John Wayne’s birth state © middelveld 32 Kind of treatment 27 Tel __ 33 High school mathematics 28 Skirt choice of the ’60s subject 29 Infamous ghetto woke to birds chirping and the us our sedentary behaviors, such as Keeping your head, lower back, and 34 Not in any way 30 Cove sun streaming through the win- TV viewing and general inactivity, arms gently on the wall, raise your arms 38 Like a clod 31 Doesn’t stay dows. There was one thought on contribute to cardiovascular condi- above your head as high as they can go. 40 Sparkled 33 Put an end to my mind — to get on my bike and tions that may require treatment and Repeat several times. headI out for an early morning ride. are independent of smoking, hyper- At first the exercise may be tough, 41 Fourth part of quote 35 Shamelessness 42 Orders at the bar 36 Not just close © 2020 Created for LIV FUN by SkyDogCreations I wrote a note and left it on the tension, hypercholesterolemia and but with consistency, it becomes 43 Not grounded in reality 37 Swirl counter: “Heading out. Be back in 35.” diet. (Davies et al., 2019) Inactivity easier as you become stronger. 44 Ceremonial uniform ornament 39 Some are cherry Sudoku My wife would see it when she woke, is a health risk, and most of us are While I wasn’t in biking shape this 46 ______Cross 40 Rejoicing and I didn’t want her to worry when inactive for at least half of our waking first day, early in the season I knew Fill in the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 she found me gone. hours. On the other hand, if you want it was a step in the right direction. 47 Get smart? 42 Tirana location box contains the numbers 1 through 9. 50 Barney Miller’s Vigoda 45 Oman neighbor (abbr.) For the first time this season, I low- cardiovascular health, get up and I turned the corner, crested the hill, 51 Landscaping item, sometimes 46 Jocular exclamation ered the bike from the hanger, pumped move! Make regular exercise part of and began to pedal toward home. As 52 Architectural add-on 47 One of seven air into the tires, grabbed my helmet, your everyday routine. much as the bike ride itself, hear- 53 Potential disease carrier 48 Innsbruck surrounds and I was ready to go. Always check with your medical ing birds and nature wake up was an 55 Fifth part of quote 49 Laziness I rode through the neighborhood, up provider before starting an exercise early morning gift to myself. I was 58 Artemis twin 51 Leather sharpener the hill, and over to the dirt road. The program. Regular exercise can be tired and refreshed, and I wouldn’t u 60 Freudian topic 53 Comedian Wilson sun warmed my face, and I felt free. as simple as walking, biking, swim- have it any other way. 63 Container for one 42 across 54 Standing apart My awareness was on the sun shin- ming, or a workout that packages six 64 Sixth part of quote 56 What dough might do ing, the road rising, trees blooming. stretches and exercises into a routine Read more: I squinted in the early morning light for seniors. (Nurse Next Door, 2020) 65 Recipe amt. 57 SportsCenter airer Bowden Davies, Kelly A.; Pickles, and pedaled on, panting as the road With this type of efficient work- 66 Last part of quote 59 Name of 13 popes Samuel; Sprung, Victoria; et. al. crested ahead. out, the goal isn’t to get ready for a 67 Leading the pack 61 Approx. value (2019). “Reduced Physical Activity It had been over six months since marathon, but to maintain muscle 68 Desire 62 Popular Hasbro game in Young and Older Adults: Meta- I last rode. I shifted into first gear, mass, bone density, mental health and bolic and Musculoskeletal Implica- gripped a little harder, and filled my prevent falls. For example, the stand- tions.” Sage Journals. Retrieved lungs with cool morning air. I re- ing snow-angel exercise is a version of June 1, 2020, from journals.sagepub. member last year this being less of a what many of us did as children. The com. struggle … and that really comes as snow angel goes like this: no surprise. Standing three inches away from the Nurse Next Door. (2020). “6 Easy While regular exercise is instru- wall, rest your head and lower back on and Safe Exercises for Seniors.” mental in maintaining physical and the wall with your palms down at your Retrieved June 1, 2020, from www. BRAIN GAMES ANSWERS ON PAGE 42 © 2020 Satori Publishing mental health, research now tells side facing the middle of the room. nursenextdoor.com.

20 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 21 Money Matters: Common Sense and Professional Advice

don’t care for the word store-bought rolls, cheese, and Like live music? By all means “cheapskate.” You can berries. You can explore local buy a ticket (or a half-price ticket keep “tightwad” and “skin- products too; I’ve picked up a lot if that’s an option) and support flint” too. of artisanal beers at supermar- the local arts community. But ISurely there must be an upbeat- kets and many unpronounceable also scan the listings of local sounding term for people who, brands of chocolate. (I can skimp churches for concerts, which are like me, practice a non-Scroogy on some things, but not beer and often gratis. That’s how I heard frugality? I’m sure I inherited chocolate.) a capella voices creating breath- SPLURGE the condition from my father, a Just between you and me, if taking polyphony music in the thrifty man who would remind your hotel has a breakfast buffet, vast arches of St. Giles Cathedral me not to throw away a Kleenex there are ways of extending your in Edinburgh and listened to an just because I’d already used it. serving. This is a slightly gray organ virtuoso shake the walls at If I sound defensive, it’s because area, but I figure if I usually have St. George’s in Cape Town. some of us on the parsimonious a light breakfast anyway, where’s If, like me, you enjoy read- WHEN IT side of things have gotten a bad the harm in slipping a roll and ing books made of paper, seek rap. I count pennies, but that’s so I some cheese slices into a napkin out free book exchanges. Some can spend them on the things that and taking it with me for a mid- of these libraries are birdhouse- really matter. Like travel. day snack? Sure, sometimes I feel sized, but last fall I did some When I travel, I’m happy to a little dodgy doing this; then I happy scrounging at one just off plunk down cash for a museum remind myself that I’m a writer, the pedestrian Hauptstrasse in MATTERS visit or a celebrated restaurant. not a stockbroker. Right? Heidelberg, with hundreds of That’s what I’ve saved the money Plan ahead! I spent an entire books on its tall shelves. Just There’s no need to be cheap about it … but there’s for. But that doesn’t mean I can’t day on a train crossing Roma- remember to replace your find in nothing wrong with being selectively frugal. do a little euro-pinching to extend nia with a bakery-bought sack another free library somewhere my budget. of cheese-filled pastries, which else in the world. I agree with budget-traveler tasted equally good in the morn- Of course, some wonderful Robert Horton wisdom about grabbing food ing, at lunchtime standing in the traveling experiences are abso- from inexpensive cafés or Bucharest train station, and in lutely free. You can be transport- Freelance travel writer, world traveler and practical frugalist street vendors. When you’re in the evening before arriving at ed by visiting the endless rows of Venice, you have to grab some my destination. oversized produce in an outdoor tramezzini, the tasty sandwiches Don’t forget to bring a refill- market in Valparaiso or the elabo- that will fuel you for a few able water bottle — it’s environ- rate city of the dead within the hours while you navigate the mentally friendly and cost-con- Père Lachaise cemetery in Paris. twisty streets; and when in Nor- scious. (On those occasions when My favorite cheap thrill is way, get thee to a bakery and try I’ve been forced to buy bottled walking. Whether being a flaňeur a hefty kanelboller, a cinnamon- water, I picture my dad some- in the streets of Milan or buying drenched roll that should set where shaking his head.) Find an Edinburgh city bus ticket to you up for an afternoon. places where you can top off for the end of the line and treading Yet another cost-conscious free; there are apps and websites straight into the dreamy Pentland eating strategy is to utilize the that can direct you. I’ve had good Hills, walking gives nonmonetary humble aisles of the grocery luck filling my canteen in random value that can’t be measured. store. Locate this resource — hotel lobbies, crunchy organic Sometimes there’s even a whether neighborhood bodega or restaurants (the seaside café Bet- bonus, like the time I walked chain superstore — in the early ter Living Through Coffee in through an orchard on a path stage of your trip to a city. I’ve Port Townsend, Washington, above Lyme Regis, England, and had days when I splurged on a has bailed me out a few times), found apple trees ripe for picking. late lunch while sightseeing and and tourist information centers. I I’m not saying those apples tasted then went back to my hotel in the always make a point of filling up better because they were free. But evening and kept it simple with at that hotel buffet too. they were awfully sweet. u “… where’s the harm in slipping a roll and some cheese slices into a napkin and taking it with me for a midday snack?” © ~UserGI15633745 22 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 23 The Big Squeeze Unlike George Bailey, we don’t all get angels to show us how the world would be different if we were never here. We have to come to that conclusion ourselves.

by George A. Santino Author of “Get Back Up: From the Streets to Microsoft Suites” © autayeu

24 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 25 many of you, DECIDING TO DO IT I’m retired, You might think it’s too late to do these and I’ve never things. I’m too old to learn a foreign lan- been busier. guage or a musical instrument. My back LikeFrankly, I don’t know how I had time to hurts too much to travel to Italy and walk go to work. Now, I’ll admit this is all self- on those uneven, cobblestone roads. But inflicted. I was putting off a lot of stuff while you’re older than you have ever been while I worked; stuff that was either not a before, the fact is you’re also as young as high enough priority or that I was just too you’ll ever be again. There’s still time left. tired to tackle. Suddenly, having the time You just have to decide to do it. to do all the things I wanted to do became Think about the way you planned your overwhelming. So much so that there career and maybe even your life. How did were days I didn’t get anything done. I you get things done each day? Did you needed a plan. create a to-do list? Did you make a sched- We all have dreams. Things we want to ule? Did you set goals? Your retirement do or see. Things we want to learn, and shouldn’t be any different. Before I retired, things we want to be. As a child I had I thought about all the things I’d put on the many dreams. Growing up in the projects back burner. I wanted to write and record of South Philadelphia, living off of wel- a song. I wanted to learn Italian and how fare, I had a dream that someday I’d have to play the piano. I wanted to travel, and I plenty to eat. Some of my other dreams wanted to write a book. were to be a singer and to write a book. Of course, these weren’t things I had to I held on to those dreams as I got older. do. I still had to pay the bills and mow the After I graduated from high school, I had a lawn. I still had to reply to email. I still had few singing jobs and tried to make a career to do my taxes. So I sat down and wrote a of it. But my dream of having plenty to eat list of all the things I wanted to do and all was stronger, so I got a real job and put the things I had to do. Then I broke the list singing on hold. down into daily tasks, like email; weekly I imagine this happens to many of us. tasks, like paying bills and mowing the We have these dreams or things we want lawn; and yearly items and things I would to do, but as we grow up we have to get do just once, like writing a book. Once I real jobs. Maybe we get married and have had my list, I began working on it. a few kids. Soon we’re working hard at I’m not saying I attacked the list like I keeping a roof over our heads, owning a was back at work with my boss pounding decent car, and taking family vacations. me to get the job done. I was retired after This becomes our reality. Some of us all, so anything I was working on today still find time to get other things done, but could wait until tomorrow. I’m not talking for me my job at Microsoft took all of my about procrastinating until the point that it time, and when I got home each day I was never gets done. No, I’m saying that I don’t so mentally tired I didn’t have the energy have to do it today. to do anything. Before I knew it, the kids I joined the local gym so I could get in were off to college and my career was shape for all those vacations my wife and coming to an end. I wanted to take. Then I began working on Where did the time go? Who’s that old my plan, starting with that song I wanted to guy staring back at me in the mirror? write and record. At the same time, I started Maybe you accomplished all the things writing my book and we planned our first you wanted to and you’re looking forward vacation. to a retirement of sitting on your porch in a As I put more effort in, things really start- rocking chair. If you’re like me, however, ed going well. In my first year of working you look back and realize that while you out, I lost 50 pounds. I wrote six songs and may have had a successful career, a lot of recorded three CDs. I was able to perform things you wanted to do didn’t get done. live at a number of events. And after my You put them aside for later, and now later book was published, I was invited to write has arrived. articles and do interviews. © Nastasic

26 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 27 IT HAS TO MATTER It’s been a heck of a ride, but not without its setbacks. My back is so bad there are days it hurts too much to get out of bed. I injured it years ago, requiring multiple surgeries, and after those surgeries I was told by multiple doctors that I had “failed back syndrome” and would never work again. That was very depressing I’m going to squeeze all I can out of each day. news, but I had hopes and dreams for my life “ ” and my family and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me. Years after getting the diagnosis I landed that job at Microsoft. Sadly, my physical challenges didn’t stop in retirement. I tore the rotator cuff in both shoulders, and three years ago I had them both surgically repaired, followed by months of painful physical therapy. Later I found out I had prostate cancer. It was like getting punched in the gut. I thought, what’s the point of all this. As soon as I get through one obstacle another one jumps in my way. I was depressed, but I’d been depressed before. I learned then that being depressed is OK for a little while, but if you want to move forward you have to put it behind you. I was going to have to do that again. It’s kind of like the movie It’s a Wonderful Life. Sometimes you look back and wonder how much it all really mattered. Unlike George Bailey, however, we don’t all get an angel to show us how the world would be different if we were never here. We have to come to that conclusion ourselves. So, I decided my philosophy would be very simple: It has to matter that you were here. Now while I’ll admit that things like learning Italian and going to Italy were just for me, I was now thinking about my legacy, about the impact my life has had. While each of us can decide what that means, for me it was all about making a difference in people’s lives. Things like singing at retirement centers are very rewarding to me, and when I see the smiles on the faces of the people in the audience, I know it’s rewarding to them as well. When I speak at the Boys and Girls Clubs and tell them about how I grew up poor, they know I understand what they’re going through. I can see on their faces when I tell them how I worked my way up and through many obstacles to get to where I am today that they believe they can do it too. Think about all the things you’ve put off. Where do you want to go? What do you want to learn? Who do you want to help? How do you want to give back? Who do you want to recon- nect with? Whatever it is, you now have the time. So get started, but most of all have a blast. You’ve earned it. u © BraunS

28 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 29 Advice for the Journey: Personal Advice and Expert Opinions

No Extreme Measures © Jeremy Poland “I don’t want a new normal. I want my old life back.” by Julia Hogan, LCPC Chicago-based counselor and author of It’s OK to Start With You

Question: It seems like my normal “field trips,” and they were the just want everything to go back to life (and everybody else’s, for that highlights of my week! Lately these the way it was. Everyone has been matter) is turned upside down. I things are a lot harder to do, and talking about finding your “new nor- used to look forward to weekly while I’m a little bit embarrassed to mal,” but to be honest, I don’t want lunches with friends, shopping, admit it, I’m feeling pretty grumpy a new normal in my life. I want my museum visits … we call them our about it. I miss my old life, and I old life back.

Answer: You are not alone in feeling frustrated and upset “good” or “bad.” You can miss things in your old life and by the changes the world has gone through this year, or still enjoy your life today. Both of those experiences can personal changes in your own life. Change is hard … even exist at the same time and are perfectly valid. when you know it is going to bring something good into So miss your old life! Just remember to keep your eyes your life. One of the greatest secrets to life I’ve learned open for ways to capture the feeling of your old life in your through my work as a psychotherapist is that life is rarely new one. Try to see your life through a new lens. What all good or all bad; most of life exists somewhere in the opportunities do you have to connect with your family and middle of the two extremes, and the positive and negative friends right now? What acts of kindness and humanity in our lives coexist. have you seen in your community? Can you do something With so much focus on staying positive and being grate- good for someone in your life? Can you incorporate aspects ful, sometimes we feel we should only see the good and of what you enjoyed in your old life into the cadence of ignore the bad. Positivity is a valuable skill, but taking your new life? the “everything is perfect” approach doesn’t capture the Remember, if you keep your eyes solely focused on the complexities of real life. And staying focused on what’s not past, you miss out on the happiness and joy in the present great robs you of joy and happiness. moment … and you might forget to look for reasons to be Life becomes a far richer experience when you expand hopeful about the future. So open your eyes to the moments your perspective so that you see both the good and the bad of joy in your life right now, in your new normal. It is there; in your life at the same time, without labeling anything as you just have to look for it! u

30 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 31 Your Life Well Lived: Wellness Advice for Mind, Body and Spirit Watch Me by Nancy Gertz Health and well-being coach in Boston © Wavebreakmedia © Wavebreakmedia

The learning starts when we open our eyes and look. “I thought he was peeling an orange. Or repairing a pump. Or making brownies.” memory from childhood has aloud as he solved a problem so we Dad’s focus. He’s holding up a navel a piece of fruit like my father did. I fast or too far and it breaks off, and brownies. Actually, with me earnestly been reprising itself often could know where to begin when we orange in front of him. There’s a play- knew he had learned this from work- then the whole has been sacrificed. captivated at his knee, he was passing these days. I’m 8 years old, had to do the same. I loved being an fulness in his glance that matches his ing with his own father, a fruit peddler, Dad was a pro. on his philosophy of life. Aand Dad, much younger than I am engineer’s daughter; there was always seriousness. It lures me in. when he was a young boy. It took many tries before his chil- Take your time. Give respect to the now, is at it again. something we were trying to under- “Watch me.” “Watch me.” dren were nearly as good as he was earth and its creations. Hold appre- “Watch me,” he says. stand, create or repair together. This is one of his demonstrations Dad bites into the orange ever at taking this slow, reverent path. We ciation for the resources you have at He’s a quiet man who reserves I’m sure I was the only 16-year-old that he’s done many times, but the so gently with great tenderness wanted to go fast, to race, as if the hand. Be sure you know what tools you words for only those times when they who took an auto mechanics course teaching is in the repetition, so here he and respect for its wholeness. He one who finished first was the win- need. Invest your time. Prepare. Think are really needed. He liked “show” when she got her driver’s license. Dad goes again. I’m all eyes. He turns the doesn’t really want to break through ner, but that usually led the piece to before you act. Breathe. Make mind- better than “tell” when it came to never told me to do that, but I had orange in his big broad hands, holds it; he just wants to make an invita- break and game over. ful choices with your speech and your teaching important lessons to his chil- learned by then that this would be time it up to his nose, and inhales deeply. tion for the full regard he’ll offer as There were many lessons in Dad’s actions. Pause when it can help. Resist dren. A professor I know says she gets well spent. If you don’t understand I see his shoulders drop with a long he removes the pithy peel from the quiet teaching. Some were obvious, the temptation to rush or compete in a more attention from her lecture hall of how something works, then you can’t exhale. It looks to me like he is either essence of this magnificent offering. and they were fun to pass on to my way that sacrifices the process or the students when she stops talking. Dad fix it when it goes haywire. I learned to making or receiving a blessing. Maybe The peel must be removed in one own children, like peeling an orange, product. Know you’ll fail sometimes. was like that. He used silence to great solve some mysteries ahead of time. both. He smiles as he considers the piece, an unbroken spiral that be- talking through a household repair, Have confidence that practice will lead effect. When he did speak, we knew it In one poignant memory, I am that depth of its color and the little dimples gins where his thumb tucks in after and reading through an entire recipe to skill. Teach what you know to others was in our best interest to listen. young girl, so hungry to understand in its covering. the break from his bite. before starting the cooking. Now, who can benefit. Be patient. Watch “Watch me.” the next thing. He squeezes the orange carefully as The pith must be pulled away ever through the mist of memory, long and there will be things to learn, even Sometimes he was showing us how “Watch me,” Dad said. he moves it in his hands, and he nar- so carefully, a nail’s length perhaps, after Dad is gone, I see there was when you think you already know it all. to do a math calculation as he helped I turn to him, knowing this is his rates that he is assessing the pressure or less, each time. It is best done so much more that was not obvi- Lessons are best learned when they are with homework. Sometimes he was call to be especially attentive. I sit by that pushes back from the center of the by applying a little pressure under- ous to me watching as a young girl. taught with love and respect, and a little showing us how to repair a broken closely, hold back on the questions, fruit. He reports on how full of juice neath, and then as the pith lets go, I thought he was peeling an orange. playfulness never hurts. gadget. Sometimes he was talking and remain still so I don’t disturb it is likely to be. Nobody appreciated the thumb lifts the peel away. Too Or repairing a pump. Or making There is always more to learn. u

32 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 33 Live Big. Live Bold. “Happiness is a habit. Cultivate it.” Live Big.Your Life, Live Your Rules Bold. — Elbert Hubbard, American writer and philosopher Your Life, Your Rules Little Habits, Big Difference Happiness is not ours by default; we grow our own every day. by Alissa Sauer Blogger and Leisure Care writer © Goodboy Picture Company

34 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 35 hen it comes to happiness, little things matter. They always have. It’s in the details of our daily Happiness ... make it a habit. Wlives that we can build true happiness over a lifetime. American writer, artist and philosopher Elbert Hubbard happiness. As we cultivate happiness, it is important to Dr. Marcia Sirota, M.D., believes there are four key once said, “Happiness is a habit. Cultivate it.” If happiness develop daily habits that contribute to a happy life. principles that together significantly increase happiness is a habit, it must also be a choice, something we intention- As you think through what those habits may be for you, for ourselves and those around us. She calls them the The 5 Daily ally choose to live in every day. Therefore, happiness and consider your own definition of happiness. What brings Four Pillars of Happiness. (Sirota, 2019) The first pillar our daily habits are linked, maybe more than we realize. you happiness as an individual? What makes you feel good, is having an open heart, the second is having an open Living with open eyes means we are fully aware of our powerful, empowered, healthy, and free? What makes you mind, the third is having open eyes, and the fourth is Habits for a actions and their consequences, both on others and our own feel loved, enthusiastic and wise? having open arms. It all starts with the first pillar, living with an open heart. Happiness begins here, with our own hearts 5 Daily Habits for Happiness 4. Practice gratitude. way that encourages and empowers open, loving and accepting ourselves first and then Happier Life Once you decide what happiness It is easy to feel like bad news is each person. This allows our resi- giving love to those around us. But, it’s not until the means to you, you can create habits everywhere. When this happens, focus dents to relax and enjoy every day. second pillar, an open mind, that we love and accept 1. Exercise that support your definition. Our list of on the good in your own life. Keep a Not worrying about mastering activi- ourselves so we can give love to others, finding a new daily habits for happiness can get you gratitude journal that you can review ties of daily living allows residents sense of peace and well-being. Here, we can accept our started. when things begin to feel overwhelm- to focus on what is more important true selves — loving ourselves and others while em- 2. Hydrate ing. List three things every day that — their hobbies, interests, develop- bracing our strengths and recognizing our weaknesses. 1. Exercise Regularly. you are thankful for and then let others ing new friendships, and creating From there, we can implement the third pillar, living 3. Develop a good morning routine Even a little bit of exercise can have know. Gratitude is contagious; help meaningful connections with those with open eyes. From this state of flow and nonresis- a profound effect on happiness. A spread joy! around them. tance, we find the wisdom and strength we need to 4. Practice gratitude recent study published in The Jour- No matter if it’s care you need in form new habits and fresh ways of understanding our nal of Happiness Studies found that 5. Celebrate others. the form of assistance with activities world and our place in it. Being able to face the world 5. Celebrate others people who participate in any type Happy people celebrate the success of daily living, motivation to attend with eyes wide open lets us feel more happiness and of exercise, done for as little as 10 of others. With an open mind, happy that cardio class, help connecting joy in the present and hopefully toward the future. minutes a day or even once a week, are people know that celebrating others with friends, or planning the trip of a more cheerful than those who never can contribute to their own hap- lifetime, Leisure Care is here to help. exercise. (Zhang & Chen, 2018) The piness. Commit to encouraging or With robust programming like Travel endorphins released by exercise can celebrating a loved one daily. Maybe by Leisure Care, PrimeFit, BrainHQ, have lasting and tangible benefits on it’s an encouraging word in the and a dynamic activities calendar, happiness and have been linked to hallway, or maybe it’s a card in the Leisure Care communities encourage decreased rates of depression. mail. Let others know they are loved residents to seize the day and see the and appreciated, that they make you world, launching new adventures from 2. Hydrate! happy, and watch your environment a safe place. We all know that water is a vital be transformed. The journey of a thousand miles component of a healthy life, but it can starts with a single step. Start your also influence your mood. Satisfying Cultivating Happiness at Leisure Care journey to happiness today. Start with more than your thirst, water is vital to A journey of a thousand steps begins Leisure Care. u a good mood. A University of Con- with one single step. At Leisure Care, necticut study found that people who our residents live with open eyes, drink the recommended amount of intentionally and purposefully making Read more: water daily are three times more likely choices every day that promote health Poitras, Colin. (2012). “Even Mild to feel “very happy.” (Poitras, 2012) and happiness. Living with open eyes Dehydration Can Alter Mood.” UConn Water stimulates the flow of nutrients at Leisure Care means embracing new Today. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from and hormones that release feel-good hobbies, learning about new interests, today.uconn.edu. endorphins you need to be happy. and making new friends. And it all starts with intentional decision-making Sirota, Marcia, M.D. (2019). “The 3. Develop a good morning routine. and setting habits that promote your Four Pillars of Happiness.” Dr. Marcia You can’t control everything that hap- well-being. Sirota, M.D. Retrieved June 10, 2020, pens to you during the day, but you can Our residents have chosen to care from marciasirotamd.com. control how you start the day. Start your about their futures, their health, and morning by creating happiness that can their own well-being by moving into Zhang, Zhanjia, and Chen, Weiyun. last throughout the day. Important com- a Leisure Care community. Leisure (2018). “A Systematic Review of ponents of a good morning routine may Care communities offer a wide range the Relationship Between Physical include a positive affirmation, stretching/ of care services so that residents and Activity and Happiness.” Research- yoga, movement, meditation, or even their families have peace of mind, Gate. Retrieved June 10, 2020, from

36 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 37 Ulysses, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and a Tomato Named Beefsteak What can I expect from a garden gone Topsy Turvy? by Jeff Wozer Humorist and stand-up comedian

ometime last spring I, under plants would survive the night only a variety of causes, with fungal Sthe immutable realization life is to perish a day or two later under the diseases and watering issues the fleeting, proclaimed this is the year I season’s first snow. most fingered causations. finally grow a healthy tomato plant. Growing plants has never been a Personally, I suspect the plant I considered easier this-is-the-year challenge. Thirty-one houseplants suffers from identity issues, causing “Should I elevate its roots, vows — read Ulysses, run a three- that make it look as if I possess leaves to yellow from anxiety and I wondered? Loosen restrictive legged potato-sack race with Ruth the interior decorating skills of the depression. It’s classified as a fruit, mulch? Attempt mouth-to-blossom Bader Ginsburg — but preferred Pacific Coast Trail serve as proof. yet treated as a vegetable. I too resuscitation?” gardening’s protracted processes, But just as possessing a prowess would plummet into a depressed ensuring several months of focused for shucking oysters does not funk if I excitedly anticipated engagement with, if successful, the translate to a prowess for picking rubbing seeds with exotic passion reward of deliciousness. locks, indoor plant success does fruits in some sort of carefree For goal purposes I defined healthy not equate to outdoor plant success summer salad only to learn I’ll as a tomato plant worth saving — especially tomato plants, my instead be teaming with low-rent come fall’s first frost warning. It’s a Achilles heel in gardening. iceberg lettuce and a rectangle of metric I learned from my dad. Even Keeping them green has always pork that resembles a roofing shingle though we grew only four tomato been the stumble point. Come early to create a sandwich with a name plants, upon hearing the season’s to mid-July, sometimes sooner, that resembles a texting abbreviation. first frost warning, he always my tomato plants begin withering Compounding the plant’s identity responded as if his life’s worth lower leaves up, regardless if in issues is the fact it comes in more hinged upon his ability to provide ground or pot. By September, than 700 varieties. This isn’t a fruit; the family with fresh bruschetta into yellow is the dominant color, it’s a franchise. And most feature October. I’d then accompany him looking as if the plant suffers from names better suited for Kentucky outside, steadying a flashlight as he gallbladder concerns — or worse, Derby race horses: Better Boy, Early heroically layered the plants with jaundice from drinking too many Girl, Cherokee Purple. If Johnny sections of the Buffalo News, never Jack and Miracle Grows. Cash had been a tomato instead of saying but always implying, “Not Yellowing leaves, according A Boy Named Sue, he would have under my watch you don’t.” The to online research, emanate from sung A Tomato Named Beefsteak. Beefsteak: Continued on page 42 © domin_domin

38 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 39 Ethics and Spirituality: Reflections and Contemplations on Life and Living “Let me serve You through love and service to my fellow human being.”

YACHAD How a painting came to represent unity during these challenging times. by Rabbi Elana Zaiman Seattle-based Rabbi, chaplain and author

I work at a retirement community as a part-time rabbi and chaplain. The painting pictured here, a recent acquisition, hangs in our TV lounge, adding an air of eloquence. I love this painting. Each time I look at it, I see something new, and in this time of COVID-19, this is refreshing.

40 LIV FUN / AUTUMN 2020 AUTUMN 2020 / LIV FUN 41 Beefsteak: Continued from page 39 There are no Beef Brisket Bananas Any reservations I had in buying it white flag on my this-is-the-year or Rump Roast Radishes. Only compounded after hanging it. hope when its leaves, as if on cue, the tomato suffers the indignity of Instead of a garden, I had a tomato withered yellow. identity-challenging names. plant gallows. Suspended by its Rather than totter in shame, I Regardless of cause, to rig the ball root from a green plastic bag, backtracked to earlier considerations system, as it were, I purchased a it looked as if I were torturing it and, as a compromise of sorts, mature Fourth of July tomato plant. — imagine the Spanish Inquisition weighed the chances of convincing More than two feet tall, it was meets Better Homes & Gardens Ruth Bader Ginsburg to read me already bearing fruit. Not surprising —trying to coerce admission to Ulysses before the season’s first frost since its name pertains to early whether it was fruit or vegetable warning. If only I had homegrown yields, usually by Independence while sending a strong-armed tomatoes to offer as enticement. Day. But within five days, my July message to the other plants: Grow or Next year perhaps. u 4th tomato plant had the look of else. December 4th. The Topsy Turvy experiment Unwilling to concede defeat in lasted three days. The mere sight © laflor June, I phoned a local nursery for of it, dangling from underneath a YACHAD: Continued from page 40 advice. I learned, to my shock, the house eave looking like a piñata for I’ve been working through the pan- She didn’t miss a beat, saying, “No! welcoming the divine presence, and plant was in shock. A common vegetarians, burdened me with guilt demic. In the early days, it was hard This is like a hug!” if we bow (a namaste… yes, it is part problem, I was told, with tomato for demeaning the art of gardening. to get used to the required protective We continued to talk. of Jewish tradition too), perhaps a plants incurred during transfer from Plus, I feared it was causing birds measures: spraying and wiping down Not a minute passed when this wom- deeper sense of love, care and ap- pot to ground. Should I elevate its at an adjacent feeder vertigo. door handles, desk and phone; wear- an said to me, “This is so frustrating. preciation will find its way into our roots, I wondered? Loosen restrictive I replanted the rescued Roma ing a mask, sometimes gloves, a gown, To sit far away. To not be able to hug.” connection even with our physical mulch? Attempt mouth-to-blossom tomato plant in a bed occupied and a plastic face shield; and keeping That’s it, I thought. This is our chal- distancing. resuscitation? with a mix of wild flowers and a six-foot distance from other staff and lenge: How do we maintain a six-foot I must return to the painting One week later, already a month annuals, creating the look of residents. Now, it has become second distance, knowing that as human be- mentioned earlier. I love this paint- nature, almost. Not quite. ings we need physical connection, that ing for yet another reason. I love this into the Northeast growing season, I a garden orphanage. It would It’s hard for me to undo my way of closer physical connection often brings painting because it was created by was in search of a new tomato plant. eventually produce four being in the world. I still find it hard deeper spiritual connection, and that residents and staff in the retirement A quick fix was in order. No more tomatoes, enough to sustain to remember to physically distance, closer physical connection will not be community where I work. It was the fooling around. Desperate, I placed two salads and a turkey especially when the person I am sit- possible for a while? brainchild of Sonya, a member of our ego aside and purchased a Topsy sandwich. Come August, ting with is sharing a personal con- A few thoughts. First, from the Baal life enrichment team, who scheduled Turvy Upside Down Tomato Planter. however, I hoisted the cern or someone walks toward me Shem Tov, Jewish healer, mystic, and residents and staff to toss paint onto with open arms ready to hug. It takes founder of Hassidism, who, in teach- the large canvas on the floor of our BRAIN GAMES ANSWERS / From Page 20 so much energy to hold back that ing about loving our neighbors as Activity Center. by the end of the day I’m exhausted ourselves, said that we are to love the “Choose a color that resonates with from withholding. person we are with at that moment that you,” Sonya joyfully instructed all Answers to Crossword Puzzle Answers to Sudoku Things are different from a distance. we are with them. (Buxbaum, 1990) who entered. “Take a brush, and shake Things are different behind a mask. Second, from the Talmud, when a the paint onto the canvas.” We talk about looking into someone’s person welcomes another human be- Joy, laughter and creativity filled the eyes and how the eyes are a window ing, it’s as if that person is welcoming hearts of each individual who entered. to a person’s soul. Yet, I have come to the divine presence. (Talmud, Yerush- When this painting was hung, Sonya understand the importance of the entire almi Erubin 5:1) asked residents and staff for their face. Not being able to see a person’s Third, from a Hasidic text: “When input on a name. The title chosen nose, lips, smile, pout and other facial you greet anyone or speak with any- was Yachad, which means united or expressions, the eyes feel like less of a one, bow the least bit (or even bow in together. This painting symbolizes the window to the soul. your imagination) toward that per- togetherness we strive for as a commu- I was talking recently with a woman son and say to yourself, ‘My God in nity, and that is: to be present to one about a difficult issue she was con- Heaven, I bow before this Your Image. another, to see the divine in each other, fronting. During our conversation, she Let me serve You through love and and to lean toward one another with said to me, “I’m so glad we’re meeting service to my fellow human being.’” respect and love. u and sitting together. It makes me feel (Buxbaum, 1990) so much better talking to you.” If we direct our hearts, actions and Read more: I responded, “Yes, but it’s frus- intentions into loving the people we Buxbaum, Yitzhak. (1990). Jewish trating not being able to sit closer are with at the moment we are with Spiritual Practices. New Jersey: Jason together, to hug.” them, if we receive others as if we’re Aronson, Inc.

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