Episode 07: OOPS! Part 2

By: Alex Brown and Rebecca Mahoney

SCENE I. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - THE GALLEY ETTA (strain/stress) Don’t do something you’ll regret.

NORA I wouldn’t dream of it.

ROGER GROANS. He’s been STABBED. OUCH.

NORA (smiling) Killing your friend is just a normal Monday for me. Sorry, kiddo.

ETTA He’s not my friend. He’s my supervisor . And ​ ​ ​ ​ don’t call me kiddo.

NORA (laughing) I’ll call you anything I want. She WRENCHES THE KNIFE IN EVEN FURTHER. ROGER MAKES MORE DISTRESSED SOUNDS.

ALARM There is unexpected blood on the floor.

NORA (CONT’D) Now, you’re going to do as I say, or I’m slicing through every major artery in his---

ETTA (quickly) Okay, okay. What do I do?

NORA The monster. Set it free.

MORE PAIN. SORRY ROGER.

NORA (CONT’D) You have thirty minutes. Otherwise, all of your friends die. SOME SORT OF ALARM SOUND OR SOMETHING.

TIME TRAVEL ALARM There has been an unexpected spoiler for this episode. Please hold as we rewind. Rewind. (slowmo) REWIIIIIIIIIND. (normal speed) A few hours earlier.

THEME PLAYS BACKWARD.

SCENE II. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - GALLEY

ETTA is guarding PERCY. It’s going about as well as Waiting for Godot.

PERCY You don’t have to be in the room to keep an eye on me.

ETTA Remember that time you were supposed to keep an eye on my friends and you were totally successful? Oh, wait. No, I’m thinking about someone who could actually do their job. ​ ​

PERCY Such a sharp rebuke from someone who disdains her own responsibilities so much that she completely abandoned them. How’re those traffic reports going? Oh, wait.

ETTA That’s completely different.

PERCY Is it? I guess abandonment runs in the family.

ETTA (you son of a---) If you’d rather not be chloroformed again, I’d ​ ​ suggest you shut the hell up.

PERCY Defensive. Nice.

ETTA Only when liars like you pretend to be my therapist.

PERCY And I thought today’s session was going so well, too.

ETTA Yeah well, appearances can be deceiving.

PERCY (basically SCHADENFREUDE from Avenue Q is playing in his head now) Oh, I couldn’t have said it better myself!

ETTA And why’s that?

PERCY Well, contrary to popular belief, I’m actually ​ quite good at my job. I know where you mother is.

ETTA What?

PERCY And I also know that she isn’t coming to find ​ ​ you. She doesn’t want to. ​ ​

ETTA (she laughs. The sound is cold and bitter) Nice try, but you’re not going to get me to leave this room.

PERCY Oh, I don’t want that. You’re good company.

ETTA Uh huh.

PERCY I’m just trying to tell you the truth. It’s often such an… unpleasant thing to hear. Wouldn’t you agree, Henrietta? ​ ​

ETTA Even if that was the truth---

PERCY It is.

ETTA It’s not. She wouldn’t just leave me out here. ​ ​

PERCY But she did. Don’t you think it’s a little… odd that she hasn’t found you already? It’s been fifteen years, after all. Surely she had time to look for something that was so precious to ​ ​ her.

ETTA All right, Freud. Thanks for the psychoanalysis.

PERCY Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

ETTA Again, I’d like to remind you that I’m not ​ leaving this room . So bring it on, Big Bad ​ Wolf. You won’t win. ​ ​

PERCY If you’re done, I’d like to continue.

ETTA I should’ve used more chloroform.

PERCY Perhaps we should switch subjects, hmm? I recognize that this might be a little… touchy. ​ ​ Let’s see, let’s see. What should we talk about?

ETTA You. ​

PERCY Sorry?

ETTA Let’s talk about you. And how my friends are looking for your friend right now. They’re ​ ​ going to find her. And when they do---

HE LAUGHS, CUTTING HER OFF. PERCY Are they going to kill her? Is that the empty ​ ​ threat you were about to make? Come now, you’re a better liar than that.

ETTA What?

PERCY None of your… work friends know about your ​ ​ role in the Transcontinental Hotel fiasco, do they? We tried to tell them when we ​ ​ re-transmitted your confession, but some people have terrible listening skills. ​ ​

ETTA (duuuuuuude wtf) My role? I wasn’t a part of that! I was knocked ​ out and dragged onto a boat while---

PERCY While everyone in that hotel disappeared! They were trying do good work ---to release a ​ ​ magnificent being back into the sea--- when they were taken.

ETTA Uhhh yeah. Probably taken by a giant sea monster. In case you didn’t notice, we have those out here. There’s a reason we contain them.

And why do you care, anyway? That happened fifteen years ago.

PERCY You still don’t see it, do you?

ETTA (flatly) Enlighten me.

PERCY My colleagues were at the Transcontinental Hotel that night to serve a higher purpose. They were connected to something that was bigger than any one individual.

ETTA (slowly, as if finding the missing pieces of a puzzle) Colleagues? All the rich people…?

PERCY They weren’t all wealthy. But every rumor has a ring of truth to it. Some of the people who disappeared were part of our upper echelon.

ETTA They sound like winners.

PERCY They were. Until something went wrong.

ETTA And that something was…?

PERCY Well, we’d all like to know that. ​ ​

ETTA So… you think I do? And that’s why you’re here?

PERCY (getting a little bored) Honestly, I don’t know why we’re here. I just ​ ​ know we’re supposed to bring you back with us.

ETTA Your plan’s going really well so far.

PERCY Oh, I wouldn’t count us out yet. Nora’s going to get me out of here soon enough. Pray that you’re not here when shows up.

ETTA I’ve never been the praying sort.

PERCY Well, perhaps you should start. You might not need it, but your friends certainly will.

ETTA They can defend themselves.

PERCY All of them? Even your harmless, rom com-loving ​ gardener?

ETTA I---

PERCY (#winning) Or what about that fellow who keeps uploading your broadcasts? Do you think he’ll be fine? ​ ​ What was his name again? Fred? Yeah, something like that. He’s all alone, too. Poor little guy.

ETTA What?

PERCY Alone. On the bridge. He left a message for you. Said he wasn’t going to come back. Looks like someone else abandoned you. I’m sensing a ​ ​ trend. (#alltheevil) How lonely it must be, watching every day as everyone drifts away from you.

ETTA Stop it.

PERCY And with each person who leaves, you wonder what you did. What could be so wrong with you ​ ​ that you drive everyone away? Maybe it’s because---

ETTA SLAPS HIM. AN AWKWARD SILENCE SITS AROUND THEM AS A DIABOLICAL SMILE SETTLES ON PERCY’S FACE.

ETTA (with the sudden realization that he’s won this round) Damnit.

PERCY (he laughs) Ah, there you go. Looks like you’ve found your nerve, kiddo.

ETTA Don’t call me that. She REACHES FOR THE WALKIE, TRYING TO PHONE A FRIEND. A BURST OF STATIC as the call drifts into the wind.

ETTA Bertrand? Bertrand, can you hear me? Can we… swap responsibilities for a little while? It’s getting kind of stuffy in this room. STATIC. Hello? Anyone? PERCY (smug) It doesn’t look like anyone’s home. Pity, really. Maybe if you’d been nicer I could’ve helped you reach your friends.

ETTA (the human equivalent of GTFO) I’ll never need your help. ​ ​

PERCY Are you sure? Let’s say, hypothetically, that Nora and I set up an alternate way to communicate with the outside world. And it’s in your broadcasting room.

ETTA What?

PERCY He TSKS. You didn’t even notice something was different? My my, seems like someone’s losing her touch. ​ ​

ETTA I---

PERCY We have people we report to, you know. We aren’t on our own. Having a higher purpose in life often leads to working with some talented minds.

ETTA Yours excluded.

PERCY Oh, we got the drop on you, didn’t we? And altered your external communications system without anyone noticing. We’re not alone.

Our people can call in to this watchtower ​ whenever they want. (an irritated aside) And they do.

ETTA You’re lying.

PERCY Maybe. Maybe not. Why don’t you try calling your friends again? See if anyone’s listening.

A BURST OF STATIC as she tries again.

ETTA Kate? Roger? ...Bertrand?

More STATIC as she doesn’t get a reply.

TRANSITION TIIIIIIME.

SCENE III. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - SUBMARE 1

It's QUIET as we enter the Submares: we hear nothing at first but the sound of ECHO-Y FOOTSTEPS. They stop. There's a beat. And finally, KATE SIGHS.

KATE Submare 1 is clear.

ROGER'S SIGH is less relieved, more exasperated.

ROGER She can't have gotten much further than here. ​ ​ Radio Bertie again.

KATE Roger, unless you'd like to check under the couch cushions, she's not here. If Bertie finds anything, he'll call. And until then, radio silence was your idea, remember?

ROGER Kate.

KATE keeps going. But even though she’s joking, she clearly finds none of this funny.

KATE As their supervisor, you set the tone. Oh, hey, did you know that when you’re searching for something, no matter how hard you think you’re looking, you’ll often disregard objects above your eye level? Maybe we should check the ceilings. (FAUX GASP) Maybe she’s Spiderman. ​ ​

ROGER Kate. Be serious. ​

KATE Really? We're being serious? Here I thought that this year's scavenger hunt got a hell of a lot more immersive.

ROGER pauses. There's an edge to KATE'S voice that he isn't familiar with.

KATE (quieter, but still tense) We're wasting time up here. We know what they're after.

ROGER Of course we do. And she doesn't know how to get ​ ​ there. The quickest way she finds out is if we lead her right to it.

ROGER takes a breath and softens his tone a little. He could almost pass for... gentle?

ROGER Look. We're standing in one of the most secure locations on the Bridge. We keep it that way by being careful: we clear every level, and lock it down behind us.

KATE (wryly) Protect the asset, right?

ROGER It’s your job.

KATE … Right.

Beat. ROGER proceeds with caution.

ROGER Did he say anything?

KATE Percy? (She says the name like it’s a particularly unfunny joke.) Can you narrow it down? He's a talker.

ROGER Why they're here. What they want with… it. Anything.

KATE I heard what you heard.

ROGER Then why are you acting like you know something I don’t?

KATE I don’t know anything. … At least, not for sure.

ROGER Then guess.

KATE (Dammit, Roger.) I don't know, okay? But I'm sure you hear the stories. Don't you?

ROGER Every night over dinner.

KATE Not like that. Stories about people. Things ​ ​ that've happened along the road. Watchtowers suddenly going radio-silent one month and staffed with brand new people the next. I'm sure you've been briefed. BEAT.

They say there are people who believe we don't belong here. People who want this place... undone. People who think we’ve interfered with things we were never meant to know.

ROGER And these ‘things’ are…?

KATE (flat laugh) The most popular monster of the hour.

ROGER And you think this is them? They were fixated on ​ ​ that-- Bob.

KATE I don't know. I don't know enough to know. But ​ ​ if it is? These doors aren't going to cut it.

ROGER This is some of the finest security in the--

KATE Sure. Just like Watchtower 8 had. I take it you heard what happened to them.

ROGER ... you've been looking into this, haven't you? The entire time you've worked here.

KATE (tightly) I can multitask.

ROGER And you didn't think this was something I needed to know?

KATE That there's some vague and terrible something ​ out there doing vague and terrible things? So you could, what? Wait? I can't even say for sure that anything I've found is real, or if it's just something else people say when awful ​ ​ things happen here.

A LONG BEAT.

ROGER This door is reinforced steel. Fingerprint and key-code access. Triggering one of these alarms would lock down every level of the Submares. ...You really think that wouldn't be enough?

KATE I don't.

WITH SOME STANDARD-ISSUE WOE-IS-ME MUTTERING, ROGER BEGINS TO TYPE.

KATE ... what are you doing?

ROGER Abandoning common sense. I’m opening Submare 3. But if the containment area is secure, we're going to lock it down and move on, understood? And watch your back. We can’t have them following us in.

KATE (with an exhale) No.

... we can’t.

ROGER Wh--

ROGER GRUNTS AS KATE DRIVES HER ELBOW INTO HIS SOLAR PLEXUS. ROGER’S GUT CAN’T CATCH A BREAK IN THIS TWO PARTER. SORRY, ROGER’S GUT.

We hear HURRIED TYPING as KATE accesses the control panel.

ALARM LOCKDOWN INITIATED: SUBMARE 3. LOCKDOWN INITIATED: SUBMARE 3.

KATE Sorry. If it makes you feel better, they’re not getting in now. BEAT. And if they’re in there? They’re not getting out.

ROGER tries to object. He doesn’t manage much but a LOT OF COUGHING.

KATE Find Etta and Bertie and get them as far away ​ as you can . And don’t come back. They're not ​ here for you - at least not yet. I’ll catch up if I can.

ROGER (still strained) Kate! ​

KATE I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do, not yet. But I will.

ROGER Kate, what are you doing?!

KATE (softly) My job.

And with that, we leave Submare 1 the same way we came in: with KATE'S FOOTSTEPS.

SCENE IV. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - BROADCASTING ROOM

BERTIE just finished his broadcast and is starting to feel the weight of their situation press down upon him.

He SIGHS, resigned to try one last time.

BERTIE Is anyone out there? This is Watchtower 10, requesting emergency assistance---

THE WELCOME BRIGADE’S CHIME GOES OFF. IT’S A NEW SPIN ON THE TRITON’S FOLLIES AD.

WELCOME BRIGADE Welcome to the Triton’s Follies cast or crew! Get ready to experience the life of a true ​ artiste as you dazzle visitors with your ​ ​ ​ death-defying stunts, strategic problem solving, and miraculous comedic timing!

We have a few performers who had an impressive ​ amount of ventriloquism experience! If that statement applies to you, get ready for the role of a lifetime! Those lucky ducks will get to work with Persnickety Pete, who’s quickly becoming a fan favorite!

Unfortunately, some of Pete’s previous showbiz partners haven’t been able to meet his understandably high standards.

We hated to say good-bye to these fine performers, but you know what they say… the ​ show must go on.

Once you’ve gotten your assignment, we ask that you familiarize yourself with any cues, stage directions, lines, entrances, exits, songs that may spontaneously become a show-stopping number, safety measures, shady characters or scenarios that could lead you right into a Film Noir, fire extinguisher locations, and mirrors that are in our theater.

We ask that you do not stare directly into any ​ ​ mirrors while you’re in the theater. They serve a special, strategic function that doesn’t involve your appearance. And also doesn’t concern you.

If you are unfortunate enough to catch your ​ ​ reflection watching you, we ask that you do not acknowledge it. Whatever lies behind that glass isn’t you.

It never was.

We also ask that you not place Persnickety Pete in front of a mirror at any time. He can be quite persuasive when he wants to be, but you ​ must do your best to turn him down as politely as possible.

Remember: Be kind to Pete, and he’ll be kind to you! Be rude to him and… there’s nothing we can ​ do. ​

(cheery) We can’t wait to see how you’ll enchant our future audiences! Don’t forget: a curse is just an enchantment that had a bad day.

Either they fall under a spell, or you do.

It’s your choice! THE WELCOME BRIGADE CHIMES OUT.

BERTIE ...okay. So that was weird. I don’t even know how this thing went off.

THE PHONE RINGS, CUTTING HIM OFF. HE SCRAMBLES FOR IT, EAGER WHEN HE ANSWERS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM IT’S NOT ACTUALLY HELP. IT’S BOLLARD. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN.

BERTIE Hello? Hello! This is Watchtower 10! We need help---

BOLLARD (very concerned, obviously) Watchtower 10, this is headquarters! Help is on it’s way!

BERTIE ...what? Really?

BOLLARD Yes.

BERTIE Wait… how’re you talking to me right now? Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here, but our phone lines are all down.

BOLLARD Our sponsors made sure that an extra emergency line was installed in each watchtower. Luckily, it can’t be tampered with.

BERTIE Oh! I didn’t know about that.

BOLLARD Your superior officer does. I can assure you that this is entirely within protocol.

BERTIE (since he’s a sweet cinnamon roll, he totally buys the lie) Awesome! Thank you so much! I can’t wait to tell the others!

BOLLARD Oh, don’t do that.

BERTIE ...sorry?

BOLLARD How do you think you got in this situation in the first place? Someone on your crew can’t be ​ ​ trusted.

BERTIE ...what?

BOLLARD Due to regulations that were agreed on by our sponsors, we can’t provide you with assistance until you’ve figured out who betrayed you.

BERTIE But no one betrayed us. Percy and Nora came here on their own.

BOLLARD (harsh laughter) Do you honestly think those are their real ​ ​ names?

BERTIE Well, no, but---

BOLLARD Then how can you know that the people you work ​ ​ with aren’t on their side?

BERTIE They would never--- ​ ​

BOLLARD Lie to you about who they are? We’ve been listening to the broadcasts. We know about Etta’s little secret. And then there’s Roger. Do you don’t know why he’s here?

BERTIE We all have our reasons for being on the bridge. Some people share them, others don’t. BEAT. BERTIE (CONT’D) (unsure) And that’s totally fine.

BOLLARD You trust these people with your life?

BERTIE Yes. (you can almost hear the gears turning in his head) What did you say your handle was?

BOLLARD Oh, you never asked, so I never gave it.

BERTIE Well, I’m asking now.

BOLLARD (if she could condescendingly pat him on the head, she would) Isn’t that cute? Someone stopped thinking about ​ ​ flowers long enough to put two and two together. (JEN FEEL FREE TO SAY SOMETHING ELSE CONDESCENDING HERE I’M NOT FEELING MEAN RIGHT NOW)

BERTIE You don’t work for headquarters.

BOLLARD (like Jaws right before he’s about to eat that swimmer at the beginning of the movie) Now you’re getting it. Tell me, Bertrand, do ​ ​ you know where your friends are? Do you know if they’re safe?

BERTIE They can take care of themselves. And you’re ​ not allowed to call me that.

BOLLARD Why shouldn’t I? It’s your name, isn’t it? Bertrand Renard, born on December 8th---

BERTIE Stop.

BOLLARD To Molly and David Renard, both deceased. I believe they passed away a few days before your seventeenth birthday---

BERTIE I said stop.

BOLLARD Hmm. It says here that you were also engaged to---

BERTIE (awwww hell no, lady!) NO.

THERE’S SOME SORT OF A CRASHING NOISE, PROBABLY SOME SPARKS. A SMALL FIRE. BERTIE HAS BROKEN THE CONSOLE. WITH THAT, HE’S ALSO HUNG UP ON BOLLARD AND DISCONNECTED ALL OTHER COMMUNICATION INTO AND OUT OF THE ROOM. OOPS.

BERTIE (shakily) That’s enough.

ALARM There was an unexpected error during your communication. Please try to call again.

There was an unexpected error during your communication. Please try to call again.

There was an unexpected--- THERE ARE A SERIES OF WHIRRS AND SPUTTERS AS THE MACHINE SLOWS DOWN, FINALLY BREAKING.

BERTIE Oh no. No, no, no. I didn’t mean to--- it’s broken. It’s all broken. The walkie--- HE TRIES DESPERATELY TO CALL EVERYONE.

BERTIE (CONT’D) Hello? Etta? Roger? Kate? STATIC IS HIS ONLY REPLY.

He SIGHS. BERTIE Great.

SCENE V. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - ARCHIVES

KATE IS… RUNNING OUT OF TIME. PAPERS ARE BEING THROWN AROUND THE ROOM AS SHE SEARCHES FOR AN ANSWER.

KATE Okay, okay. What do I know about them? God, I wish I had my notes.

As if in reply, BOB GROWLS. A MACHINE WHIRRS BACK TO LIFE and the FAINT SOUND OF A TAPE BEING PLAYED ECHOES ACROSS THE CHAMBER.

DOOMSDAY LEADER There are some of you who may… disagree with ​ ​ our methods. But I can assure you that everything we do is for your benefit. These ​ creatures mean us harm. They are not to be understood - they are to be feared.

We cannot live in concert with them. For they are not content with merely existing. They mean ​ ​ to leave the oceans and take the things that matter most to us.

There’s a war brewing that we won’t be able to win… unless we take action now. The Bridge’s ​ ​ founders were foolish enough to think we could ​ ​ contain them.

But they fail to see that these… creatures are ​ ​ merely toying with us. They’re letting us win. ​ ​ As if to emphasize the point, BOB GROWLS.

DOOMSDAY LEADER (CONT’D) (kinda menacing) For now.

STATIC/MACHINE POWERING DOWN/TAPE WHIRRING AS THE SPEECH CUTS OUT.

KATE Right. Okay. Not exactly what I was looking ​ ​ for, but close enough. She PACES as she talks.

KATE (frustrated) Ugh. Years of research, and I can only ever find little clips of intel---

As if to bring her back to the task at hand, BOB GROWLS, CUTTING HER OFF.

KATE Sorry. Okay, so they’re after Bob and they’re gonna try to get him somehow. ​

BOB GROWLS.

KATE But… why? It’s not like you can just kill ​ something that looks like it jumped right out of “Pacific Rim.”

At least… not without a giant robot. BOB GROWLS AGAIN.

KATE But what if they don’t want to kill him? I’ve been wrong before. They could have nothing to do with---

A DOOR OPENS, CUTTING HER OFF. BERTIE RUNS IN, SUPER OUT OF BREATH.

KATE ...Bertie? What’re you doing here?

BERTIE I… I want to help.

KATE Then why’d you come all the way down here? Etta would’ve been closer.

BERTIE I didn’t want to just stand around guarding someone. I want to fight.

KATE Whoa, there. I thought we agreed we’d leave the fighting to Roger and me---

BERTIE (urgently interrupting) They… whoever they are… they know things about ​ ​ us. KATE Luckily they can’t seem to figure out where Bob is---

BERTIE No! You don’t understand! I just talked to one of them.

KATE (sharply) You found Nora?

BERTIE No. It was another one. She… she called in.

KATE The phone lines are all down.

BERTIE Well, she found a way! And she had no problem going through my personnel file on the phone.

KATE What?

BERTIE She said… she said she was with headquarters. That I shouldn’t trust any of you.

KATE Please tell me you didn’t believe her.

BERTIE Of course I didn’t! But you have to let me fight, Kate. We can’t let them win.

KATE (basically ???) We won’t. But… Bertie. If you don’t mind me asking… what happened during that phone call? ​ ​

BERTIE We all have our reasons for being here, right?

KATE (sharply) What?

BERTIE Right?

KATE ...yes.

BERTIE (the first time we ever hear any bitterness in his voice) She knew mine. BEAT.

BERTIE (CONT’D) Now, if you’re done standing here, I think it’s time we took out the trash. (DAVID PLEASE AD LIB SOMETHING BETTER WHAT IS THIS LINE I WROTE?!?)

KATE Let’s check on Etta.

BERTIE Wait… wasn’t Roger with you?

KATE He… elected to stay in Submare 3 to watch Bob. (changing the subject ASAP) Hey, Bertie? Do me a favor when you’re up there?

BERTIE Yeah?

KATE Let me go first, okay? I just want to make sure the coast is clear before you go charging in.

BERTIE SIGHS. BERTIE Deal.

SCENE VII. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - THE GALLEY

Meanwhile, ETTA can feel herself losing the upper hand. We can clearly hear BOB getting agitated in the distance - he's reacting to KATE'S doomsday prepping, but ETTA doesn't know that. She picks up her walkie and tries BERTIE.

ETTA Bertrand, it's a distress call, not a college essay. Any time you want to get down here--

But the walkie SPITS OUT STATIC, and with a yelp, ETTA tosses it aside.

ETTA (ow, my ears) Stupid Cold War-era piece of--

PERCY (Oh, how lovely. Dinner AND a show.) Trouble with your walkie?

ETTA (through gritted teeth) Don't need it.

There's TYPING as ETTA tries to page BERTIE through the intercom, but--

WELCOME BRIGADE Please hold while your party is reached.

ETTA Come on, Bertie, where are you...

PERCY Everything alright? I'm sensing a little agitation. ​

ETTA Didn't I say I was done talking to you?

PERCY It's really a shame. All that bravado earlier, I thought this wouldn't be quite so... short.

ETTA Sorry to disappoint, but we're not done yet . ​ ​

PERCY Is that so? Because it seems your friends are vanishing one by one.

ETTA (aside; under her breath) I do not get paid enough to listen to this smart-ass ​ ​ run his mouth---

PERCY What's the matter? Afraid I’m right? That no matter how hard you try, everyone around you will just leave ​ without any explanation?

ETTA IGNORES HIM - WITH GREAT EFFORT - AND KEEPS TYPING, TRYING TO REACH ANYONE. THE WELCOME BRIGADE'S MESSAGES COME IN ONE AFTER THE OTHER, OVERLAPPING A LITTLE.

WELCOME BRIGADE Please hold while your party is reached. Please hold while your party is reached. Please hold while your party is reached.

PERCY Did you want to try the walkie again?

ETTA (grabs the walkie with a frantic exhale) Roger, Kate-- is anyone there? ​ ​

AND A LITTLE QUIETER, FROM DOWN THE ADJACENT HALLWAY, WE HEAR ETTA'S VOICE ECHO BACK TO HER. FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S WALKIE.

ETTA (long beat) ... hello?

SILENCE AS ETTA AND PERCY WATCH THE HALLWAY. AS TWO SETS OF FOOTSTEPS COME INTO EARSHOT, PERCY LAUGHS.

PERCY I was starting to think you'd just leave me here.

NORA Don't tempt me.

NORA, with ROGER in her grip - and a knife to his throat - enters the galley.

ETTA Roger?!

ROGER (between his teeth) Etta. Get out of here. ​ ​ NORA You know, you shouldn’t keep such sharp knives around. Lonely place like this, the same sounds, the same smells, the same people day after day... one of these days, one of you could just...

She presses the knife closer. ROGER CHOKES.

NORA ... snap.

Don't make that face, sweetie. Nothing's going to happen as long as you listen carefully.

ROGER She's not going to help you. She doesn't even like me.

As confident as he sounds, ROGER is trying to convince ETTA of this himself. She misses the subtext - all she knows is that he's making this worse.

ETTA Roger, shut up.

NORA I'm not asking much! One colleague for another. A little trade. And let me assure you, kiddo, you're getting the better deal.

PERCY I think I’m getting nerve damage. My fingers are going numb.

NORA Ugh, he'll be on about his fingers all night. Just untie him, and it'll be done. I'll let Roger here go. ​ ​ ​

ROGER Etta, listen to me. I'm your supervisor. Your job is not to protect me. ​

ETTA Roger, unless you’ve got some secret body armor , this ​ ​ ​ ​ isn't a discussion!

NORA PRESSES THE KNIFE DEEPER INTO ROGER'S THROAT. WE HEAR HIM WINCE.

NORA Tick tock.

ETTA OKAY! Okay. Just... wait a second.

ETTA struggles with the rope around PERCY’S wrists. He sighs dramatically.

PERCY Now you understand what I’ve been dealing with. Ah, ​ ​ yes, there we go. Much better.

ETTA (ignores him) Okay. One colleague for another, right? Let Roger go.

NORA Yes, yes. Very good.

Now for step two.

THAT’S WHEN NORA STABS ROGER.

NORA Oops! I did tell you no sudden moves.

ETTA Roger!

NORA (who, me?) Did you still want me to let him go? I wouldn’t want him to… (slight twist of the knife) … hurt himself again.

ETTA (strain/stress) Don’t do something you’ll regret.

NORA I wouldn’t dream of it.

ROGER GROANS.

NORA (smiling) Killing your friend is just a normal Monday for me. Sorry, kiddo.

ETTA He’s not my friend. He’s my supervisor . And don’t ​ ​ ​ ​ call me kiddo.

NORA (laughing) I’ll call you anything I want.

She WRENCHES THE KNIFE IN EVEN FURTHER. ROGER MAKES MORE DISTRESSED SOUNDS.

ALARM There is unexpected blood on the floor.

NORA (CONT’D) Now, you’re going to do as I say, or I’m slicing through every major artery in his---

ETTA (quickly) Okay, okay. What do I do?

NORA The monster. Set him. free.

MORE PAIN. SORRY ROGER.

NORA (CONT’D) You have thirty minutes. Otherwise, all of your friends die.

BEAT.

NORA By all means, take your time.

ETTA I get it. Just… put him down first. Slowly. ​ ​

LAUGHING, NORA COMPLIES.

NORA As you wish. Now. Lead the way.

PERCY And turn that frown upside-down. It won’t be long now before your… ‘Bob’ is swimming free. And once you see how happy he is? It’ll all be worth it.

KATE I sincerely doubt that.

BOOM. KATE is here to save the day, BERTIE in tow. She trains her gun on PERCY and NORA. While there is no badass entrance music playing for her, there is badass entrance music in spirit.

KATE You brought knives. That’s cute. What’d we bring, Bertie?

BERTIE I believe we brought guns.

NORA (unfazed) Decided to join us?

KATE Move back to the wall and don’t think about opening your mouth. Bertie, look after Roger. But don’t touch the knife yet.

BERTIE Why?

KATE (dryly) You know when you drop a soda and then try to open it?

BERTIE MAKES A SMALL, QUEASY SOUND.

KATE Etta, walk to me. It’s okay now.

ETTA is frozen where she is.

ETTA I…

NORA Maybe she doesn’t want to come with you, hm? Shall I ​ ​ tell her how you went running down to the archives when your little friends needed you?

KATE I thought I told you to stop talking.

PERCY (mocking) She has her priorities, Etta. I’m afraid they don’t include any of you.

KATE (slightly losing her cool) That isn’t true.

NORA I heard you, you know. So sorry for your wasted efforts. But I’m afraid we’re not the people you’ve been looking for. Frankly, I’m a little insulted. You know, those people believe that the day this place ​ ​ was built, we invited abominations into our lives. ​ ​ Those majestic creatures! Abominations!

Though we can agree on one thing. This place never should have been built.

PERCY You see, Etta? These people don’t deserve your loyalty. Think of that poor creature you have trapped ​ ​ in Submare 3. You care about him, don’t you? You gave him a name. He trusts you. Surely you don’t think he belongs here.

ETTA N… No, but—

KATE Etta, look at me. He’s safer here. You know that.

NORA (with a laugh) As human beings, we have the luxury of couching our actions however we like. Expansion. Manifest destiny. … Connection. ​ ​

ETTA (mumbles) … Satan celebrating Earth Day?

PERCY … what?

ETTA That speech you just quoted. I found it in the Archives. Something about people…

NORA … openly supporting elaborate initiatives, doomed or not? (disgusted sound) Hate that name.

PERCY Awful name.

NORA Purely for paperwork.

PERCY We find that POSEIDON rolls off the tongue a little more nicely.

KATE (incredulous) Oh my God. You’re monster rights activists.

PERCY I’m not sure I like that wording.

NORA Or your tone.

PERCY Very dismissive.

NORA (with an audible grin) I can’t say you’re wrong, though.

ETTA (a little desperately) Then we all want the same thing! We all want Bob to be safe!

NORA You might want that. We want him to be free. Like any ​ living being has the right to be.

BERTIE (timidly) Roger’s a living being, too, and you had no problem ​ ​ stabbing him.

NORA Only a small price to pay for what he’s done to your friend in Submare 3.

PERCY Trust me, it could’ve been much worse. ​

KATE Etta. Can you tie them up?

ETTA (snapping out of it somewhat) Oh. Yeah.

KATE Then get the rope. I’m sure you two will have plenty of time to commune with Bob while we wait for the Travel Agency to take you off our hands.

NORA Hmm. Do you feel particularly inclined to wait for the Travel Agency, Percy?

PERCY It wasn’t how I planned to spend my evening, Nora.

KATE (seeing where they’re moving) You’re not getting out that way.

NORA Hm?

KATE That emergency exit you’re eying? There’s no way down to the Bridge from there. That’s a sheer drop into the ocean.

NORA (with a cross between a laugh and a ‘hmph’) I truly hope you all learn this one day, but…

KATE Do not. Move.

But NORA wrenches open the door. We hear the WIND HOWLING.

NORA … when you take care of nature, it takes care of you.

AND WITH THAT, PERCY AND NORA LEAP INTO THE OCEAN BELOW.

SCENE VII. INT - WATCHTOWER 10 - GALLEY

EVERYONE IS REALLY BEAT UP AND HAS A LOT OF FEELINGS. UNFORTUNATELY, NO ONE CAN EXPRESS THEM.

ROGER So… POSEIDON, huh?

ETTA ...yeah. You know it’s a bad day Norman Bates decides to work for Animal Planet.

ROGER LAUGHS, WHICH IS A BAD IDEA SINCE HE WAS JUST STABBED. HE WINCES.

KATE You probably shouldn’t laugh when your stitches are so fresh.

BERTIE (trying his best to hold back an ‘ewwww’) I’ve seen enough blood for one day.

KATE Eh, it could’ve been worse.

BERTIE I don’t know, the whole thing seems pretty bad.

AWKWARD BEAT.

ETTA So… what do we do now?

ROGER Well, I’m confined to the infirmary till I heal up. Which means Kate is your temporary leader and tonight’s lucky winner!

KATE Great. As your new leader, I’d like to thank all the people that made this possible. ICE CLINKS IN A GLASS. LIQUID IS POURED. KATE Percy, Nora ---this drink is for you. She DRINKS. ETTA So, new boss… what’s the plan? ​ ​

KATE (with the weariness of a 1,000-year-old) I want us all to get some rest. Whatever we have to do can wait. ​

BERTIE Even calling into headquarters?

KATE Especially calling headquarters. That’s my job. ​ Not yours. Go to sleep, dweebs. Leave the adulting to me.

BERTIE (relieved to not have to go back to the broadcasting room) Thanks, Kate.

KATE Just doing my job. Well, Roger’s job, I guess.

ROGER Don’t remind me.

KATE Once you’re better, we’ll never speak of this again.

ROGER All right, you heard her, folks. Report to your quarters. And let me take a damn nap.

BERTIE/ETTA Yeah, yeah.

BERTIE Hey, Etta? Would you mind… telling me a story before I go to sleep.

ETTA … you’re really in the mood for something creepy right now?

BERTIE No. But I don’t know if I want to be alone yet, either.

ETTA (the embodiment of awwwwww) I--- of course I will. I’d love to.

BERTIE Thanks.

FOOTSTEPS AS THEY SHUFFLE OUT. THEY MAKE IT TO THE DOOR, AND THEN---

ETTA Kate?

KATE Yeah?

ETTA Thanks for saving us.

KATE Don’t mention it. It’s just another Monday for a Bridge Travel Agent.

ETTA (not convinced Kate’s as collected as she seems) Yeah. Okay. THE DOOR CLOSES AS THEY LEAVE.

ROGER You don’t have to lie to them, you know.

KATE You’re one to talk.

ROGER I made a mistake. I should’ve told you about what was happening.

KATE LAUGHS. IT’S A DRY, BITTER SOUND.

KATE Not just me. You should’ve told all of us. ​ ​

ROGER I already got this speech from Etta---

KATE Good. That means you can hear it again. In case you didn’t notice, there are only four people in this watchtower. It shouldn’t be this hard to communicate.

ROGER And, from now on, it won’t be.

KATE Maybe. But there’s one thing that still bothers me.

ROGER Just one thing?

KATE If you knew what was coming, why didn’t you bother to share it with the class? I was under strict orders not to say anything --- and I’ll be damned if I get kicked off of this bridge for gossiping --- but you… Headquarters expected you to distribute that information. ​

And you couldn’t. You didn’t. Why? ​ ​

AWKWARD BEAT. ROGER DOESN’T ANSWER.

KATE Right. Let me know when you have an answer.

FOOTSTEPS AS KATE PEACES OUT. ROGER SIGHS.

A BURST OF STATIC AS THE RECORDING CUTS OUT.

CREDITS

Thank you so much for listening to The Bridge! This episode was written by Alex Brown and Rebecca Mahoney. It features, in order of appearance, Alex Brown as ETTA, Danielle Wood as NORA, Chris Martin as ROGER, James Turner as PERCY, Liz Hull as KATE, David Picarello as BERTIE, Sarah Grover as THE WELCOME BRIGADE, and Jen Ellision as BOLLARD. We’re soooo excited to introduce Cynthia August as the MYSTERIOUS VOICE and would like to give a shout-out to our special guest, Alex Najibi, who was THE ALARM.

The lovely piano music playing under many of our scenes was composed by the craftiest person I know, Sara Fairchild. Our showstopping theme song (which was backwards this time) was composed by the equally showstopping Jake Hull. This episode was edited and mixed by Alex Brown.

SO MANY of our sound effects for this episode were provided by Dead Signals, creators of the Archive 81 and The Deep Vault podcast. There aren’t enough words to thank you for some of our more complicated sounds.

Trying to get into the Halloween spirit? We recommend LORE!

Do YOU want to jump into the ocean just like Percy and Nora? You probably shouldn’t, but you should visit our website at ​ ​ thebridgepod.com and think about what POSEIDON can offer you! You can ​ also find us on Twitter @bridge_podcast. And on Facebook and Tumblr.

Please rate and review us on iTunes, and feel free to email us at [email protected]. It’s kind of a long address, but if you ​ go to our website and click on the little mail icon, it’ll lead you right to it. Thank you, once again, for listening to The Bridge! Since both Sara Fairchild and Sarah Grover asked me to do this, I’m giving myself a birthday shout-out. That’s right. My birthday happened. You probably have enough outtakes from me, but… it’s only fair at this point.