B”H The of rejoicing with the couple extends throughout the week following the wedding. It is customary for the friends and relatives of the bride and groom to participate in festive meal for To our dear family and friends, six days after the wedding. These daily festivities follow the It is our honor to be able to share with you the great joy and example of Jacob and Leah’s wedding celebration, which lasted for holiness of one of the most significant days of our lives, our wed- one week. ding day. In a traditional Chassidic wedding, there are many beautiful SOURCES and meaningful customs that may be new and unfamiliar to you. Made in Heaven: A Jewish Wedding Guide, by Aryeh Kaplan. New This guide has been prepared for you in the hope that it will ena- York/, 1983. ble you to enjoy our wedding to the fullest, with deeper under- The Light Beyond, Adventures in Chassidic Thought, by Aryeh Kaplan. New standing and insight. York/Jerusalem, 1981. Toward a Meaningful Life, The Wisdom of the Rebbe, by Simon Jacobson. New According to tradition, the bride and groom have a height- York, 1995. For information call 800-3MEANING. ened ability to bless others because of their elevated spiritual status on their wedding day and during the first year of marriage. So, may we all be blessed with health, happiness and revealed good in all aspects of our lives.

May Hashem bestow life’s greatest blessings Thank you for joining in our simcha. Upon you and your family Josh and Rochel Mazel Tov! Mazel Tov!

2 15 Breaking the Glass Although filled with a sense of joy throughout the wedding, we break a glass as a sign that even at this happy time, we remember the destruction of Jerusalem and its Holy Temple, which we still live without. In remembering this event, the couple A Guide to the Chassidic Wedding is connected to their past and reminded of their obligation to sees marriage as a Mitzvah, a Divine command, which “rebuild the temple” in their own lives by establishing their own is good by its very nature. Marriage is the paradigm for the human Jewish home. It is a central tenet in Judaism that the Holy condition in that only in concert with another fellow human Temple, destroyed by the Romans in the year 70 CE, will be being can we reach our fullest potential. The marriage union rebuilt at the final redemption through the Moshiach (the brings together two ‘half persons’ and makes them complete. Messiah). According to our mystical teachings, prior to the conception and birth of a child, the soul is one entity in the spiritual realms. When it descends to this world, it is split and invested into two Yichud- Privacy different bodies. Only at the time when one finds his or her Immediately after the ceremony, the bride and groom are led “destined one” (bashert), does the soul fuse together its original amid singing and dancing to a private room to spend their first ‘parts’ and become one entity again. moments of married life alone together. This symbolizes their new Complete wholeness, however, is achieved only when the intimate relationship. The bride and groom, who have been married couple unites with G-d. When the couple’s relationship is fasting all day, also break their fast together while the wedding purified and raised up on a spiritual plane, G-d’s presence is able to guests begin the festive meal. dwell within them. This brings sanctity into their relationship.

Rejoicing: The Wedding Feast A Brief History of Chabad Chasidus When the bride and groom enter the reception hall, all of the Our wedding will be embellished with the customs of the guests rise to greet them and begin the celebration. Following Chabad Chassidic movement. Chassidism arose in Eastern Europe traditional Jewish law, men and women dance in separate circles. during the middle decades of the eighteenth century. Founded by This also serves to highlight the sanctity and uniqueness of the Baal Shem Tov, its teachings were drawn from the earlier private relationship between husband and wife. Considered a Kabalistic (mystical) works. commandment for the guests at a wedding to “rejoice the bride Chassidic philosophy enabled the integration of mysticism and groom,” many guests perform tricks and skits. The celebratory into the daily life of its followers. While attempted to meal is known as Seudas Mitzvah, a meal in fulfillment of a bring man to G-d, Chassidism strove to bring G-d to man. commandment. After the meal, Birkas Hamazon (Grace After “Kabbalah raised the initiate to the upper worlds, offering a Meals) is recited and the Sheva Brochos are repeated (both over a glimpse of the holy domain, along with it’s angels, emanations, cup of wine). 14 3 vessels, and luminations. Chassidism, on the other hand, did just the opposite. It brought the heavenly domain down to man, ∫«„«·ŸÎœÏ ‡À¯À∆· Ï›∆ÎÉŒ÷ ÌÀÏ«ÚÀ‰ ŸÍŒÏŒÓ »ÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰ŸÍ»¯˙À∆ Ç À∆· showing him the type of life and dedication that it predicated” (The Light Beyond, Aryeh Kaplan). ∫ÌÀ„À‡À‰ ¯Õˆ«È ÌÀÏ«ÚÀ‰ ŸÍŒÏŒÓ »ÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ŸÍ»¯Ã‡ À∆· The Baal Shem Tov had one student, Rabbi Dov Ber of Mezritch, Known as the Maggid (preacher). One of his greatest ≠˙Œ‡ ¯ÃˆÀÈ ¯Œ÷⁄‡ ÌÀÏ«ÚÀ‰ ŸÍŒÏŒÓ ÂÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ Ç disciples was Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, whose followers, the ŸÍ»¯À∆· Chabad Chassidism, became known as Lubavitchers, named after «Ï ÔÈœ˜Ÿ˙œ‰ŸÂ Æ«˙ÈœŸ·˙Ã∆ ˙»ÓŸ∆„ ̌όˆŸ∆· «ÓŸÏÈŸ∆· ÌÀ„À‡À‰ the town that served as their communal base in Belo Russia. ∫ÌÀ„À‡À‰ ¯Õˆ«È ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ Ç ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Æ„ÃÚ ÈÕ„⁄Ú ÔÃÈŸœ∆· »∆Œ∆ÓœÓ Chabad is an acronym for the Hebrew words Chochmah (wisdom), Binah (understanding), and Da’as (knowledge). Its name reflects the central theme of the movement – that intellect ∆‰ÀΫ˙ŸÏ À‰ÈŒ·À∆ ı»·∆ œ˜Ÿ∆· ‰À¯À˜⁄ÚÀ‰ ÏÕ‚À˙ŸÂ ◊È◊«◊œ◊˙À∆ should govern over emotions in one’s approach to life. ∫À‰ÈŒÀ·Ÿ∆· Ô«∆Èœˆ ÃÁÕ∆ÓÃ◊ŸÓ ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ Ç ŸÍ»¯À∆· ƉÀÁŸÓœ◊Ÿ∆· For seven successive generations, leadership was transmitted through lineage. The movement shifted it’s center during world war when the sixth Lubavitcher Rebbe came with his students to ÔŒ„ÕÚ ÔŸ∆· ÀÍŸ¯ÈœˆŸÈ ÀÍ⁄ÁÕ∆ÓÃ◊Ÿ∆Î ÆÌÈœ·»‰⁄‡À‰ ÌÈœÚÕ¯ ÁÃ∆ÓÁÃ◊˙Ÿ∆Óà Ã◊ the Crown Heights section of . His successor was Rabbi ∫‰À∆ÏÃΟ ÔÀ˙ÀÁ ÃÁÕ∆ÓÃ◊ŸÓ ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ Ç ŸÍ»¯À∆· ÆÌŒ„Œ∆˜œÓ Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the seventh of the dynesty and fondly known as “the Rebbe”. The Rebbe lead the group from a small following to a worldwide movement by opening schools, Ô«◊À◊ ‡À¯À∆· ¯Œ÷⁄‡ ÌÀÏ«ÚÀ‰ ŸÍŒÏŒÓ »ÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰ŸÍ»¯˙À∆ Ç À∆· synagogues, and Chabad houses in cities throughout each of the ƉÀŸ„ŒÁŸÂ ‰ÀˆÈœ∆„ ‰À∆ œ¯ ‰ÀÏÈ‚œ∆ ƉÀ∆ÏÃΟ ÔÀ˙ÀÁ ‰ÀÁŸÓœ◊ŸÂ six continents. ÈÕ¯ÀÚŸ∆· ÚÃÓÀ∆÷œÈ »ÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰À¯Õ‰ŸÓ Æ˙»ÚÕ¯ŸÂ Ì«ÏÀ÷ ƉÀÂ⁄ÁÇŸÂ ‰À·⁄‰Ã‡ ÔÀ˙ÀÁ Ï«˜ ƉÀÁŸÓœ◊ Ï«˜ŸÂ Ô«◊À◊ Ï«˜ ÆÌœÈÀÏÀ÷»¯ŸÈ ˙«ˆ‹ÁŸ·» ‰À„»‰ŸÈ Before the Wedding ‰˙Õ∆ Ÿ÷œ∆ÓœÓ ÌÈœ¯ÀÚŸ» ÆÌÀ˙À∆Ù‹ÁÕÓ ÌÈœÀ˙⁄Á ˙«Ï⁄‰ŸˆœÓ Ï«˜ ƉÀ∆ÏÎÃ∆ Ï«˜ŸÂ The marriage of a Jewish man and woman is seen to be the beginning of a completely new life for both the bride and groom. ∫‰À∆ÏÃ∆ÎÉ ÌœÚ ÔÀ˙ÀÁ ÃÁÕ∆ÓÃ◊ŸÓ ÀÈŸÈ ‰˙À∆ Ç ŸÍ»¯·À∆ ∫ÌÀ˙ÀÈ‚œ∆ Ÿ Despite the tumult of preparations the weeks before, the couple prepares to lay the spiritual foundation of their new life together. ∫ÒÂΉ ÏÚ Í¯·Ó The week before the wedding the bride and groom customarily ∫ԌقÀ∆ É Èœ¯Ÿ∆Ù ‡Õ¯«∆· ÆÌÀÏ«ÚÀ‰ ŸÍŒÏŒÓ ÂÈÕ‰¿¤‡ ÀÈŸÈ ‰ ŸÍ»¯˙À∆ Ç À∆· do not see each other. On the Shabbos of that week, the groom is called to the (ufruf), to impress upon him his duty to look ƉÏΉ Ô˙Á‰ ÔÈ˙¢ to it as his guide in married life. The congregation showers him with nuts and sweets symbolic of their wishes for a fruitful and

4 13 sweet marriage blessed with many children. On the same Shabbos, MARRIAGE CEREMONY BLESSINGS the bride’s friends and family join her for a Chassidic gathering where they celebrate through learning and singing.

ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who has created all things for His glory. The Wedding Day ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, Creator Our sages teach us that each marriage ceremony is a of man. reenactment of the marriage between G-d and the Jewish people, ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who which took place at Mount Sinai. The bond between a husband created man in His image, in the image [of His] likeness [He and his wife is like the cosmic bond, which exists between Jews fashioned] his form, and prepared for him from his own self an and G-d. Just as the Jews fasted before receiving the Torah on everlasting edifice. Blessed are You Lord, Creator of man. Mount Sinai, the bride and the groom fast on the day of their wedding. In general, the wedding day is like a personal Yom Kippur ◊«◊ May the barren one [Jerusalem] rejoice and be happy at the for the bride and the groom. ingathering of her children to her midst in joy. Blessed are You Lord, who gladdens Zion with her children. The bride and groom are forgiven for all of their past wrong doings as they prepare for a new life together. Just as some people ÁÃ∆ÓÃ◊ Grant abundant joy to these loving friends, as You bestowed have the custom of wearing all white on Yom Kippur, the bride’s gladness upon Your created being in the Garden of Eden of old. wedding gown and the white kittel (robe) that the groom wears Blessed are You Lord, who gladdens the groom and bride. during the ceremony symbolize this special state of purity free from ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who transgression. Rather than wearing a white robe, the Lubavitch created joy and happiness, bride and groom, gladness, jubilation, custom is to wear an article of white clothing, which belonged to cheer and delight, love, friendship, harmony and fellowship. Lord the Rebbe. Therefore a white shirt is worn in place of a robe. our God, let there speedily be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem the sound of joy and the sound of happiness, the sound of a bride and the sound of a groom, the Kabbalas Panim-Welcoming the Guests sound of exultation of grooms from under their chupah, and youths It has been taught, that on certain special occasions and from their joyous banquets. Blessed are You Lord, who gladdens moments, G-d hears and answers our prayers with extra measure. the groom with the bride. The minutes after women and girls light the Shabbos candles on Friday night is one of those special times. The wedding day, for the Make the blessing over the cup of wine: bride and groom, is another one of those moments. It is perfectly ŸÍ»¯·À∆ Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the universe, who appropriate to approach the bride and groom during the Kabbalas creates the fruit of the vine. Panim and ask them to pray for a friend or loved one who is in The groom and bride drink. particular need of G-D’s blessings.

12 5 includes; food, clothing, shelter and conjugal rights. This custom Bride’s Reception recalls the reading of the Covenant of Laws of the Jewish nation, According to tradition, the bride and groom do not see each at the time the Torah is given. This reading serves to clearly mark other during the week before the wedding until the actual the separation between the two distinct ceremonies of betrothal ceremony. Therefore, two receptions in separate rooms are hosted and nuptials, so that another blessing over the wine may be for the guests. During the lively bridal reception, the bride sits on recited. her symbolic “Queen’s Throne,” surrounded by her family, as she greets her guests. Sheva Brochos-The Seven Blessings Similar to the seven times the bride encircles the groom, seven Groom’s Reception blessings are read under the chupah, paralleling the seven days of The groom greets his guests as he sits at the head of the table. the creation of the world. It is the custom to recite the seven As is customary, songs and L’chaims (toasts) enliven the blessings over a second cup of wine. Different people are called atmosphere. At this time, the tnayim (betrothal agreement) and upon to pronounce these seven blessings which acknowledge and the ketubah (marriage contract) are signed in the presence of praise G-d, Creator of the world and man, the survival of the witnesses. The tnayim is the official binding engagement, while the Jewish people and of Israel, the marriage of the bride and groom, ketubah, written and read in Aramaic, details the obligations which and the couple’s happiness and the raising of a family. The last the husband guarantees to the wife. blessing, brings the ceremony to its height of joy with praises for love, friendship, peace, and joy. It concludes, “soon may be heard At the Choson’s tish (Yiddish for table) it is a Lubavitch custom in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem, the voice of for the groom to recite a ma’amer (Chassidic Torah discourse). the bridegroom and voice of the bride, the jubilant voice of the The discourse begins with the words, “L’cha Dodi” (“come my bridegrooms from their canopies, and of youths from their feasts of beloved”) and discusses the spiritual significance of the wedding song.” Following the seventh blessing, the bride and groom drink and its surrounding events. This talk was originally delivered by again from the cup of wine. the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak Schneerson, in 1929, at the marriage of his daughter, Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka, to the Rebbe. The ma’amer explores the symbolism of the relationship of bride and groom as a metaphor for the relationship between G-d and the Jewish nation. After the ma’amer the mood changes from joyous festivity to marked solemnity in anticipation of the awesome moments ahead.

6 11 The Blessings Bedeken-Veiling Ceremony Since marriage is a mitzvah (divine Commandment), Jewish At the conclusion of the reception, the groom is escorted Law mandates that a blessing be recited prior to its performance. toward the bride accompanied by the singing of a niggun Thus, the actual ceremony begins with the rabbi making a blessing (Chassidic melody). It is the Lubavitch custom to use the sacred over wine, symbolically setting the tone for joyousness of the melody known as “The Alter Rebbe’s Niggun.” This tune was occasion. This is followed by a blessing, to designate the end of the composed by the first Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Schneer Zalman couple’s engagement status, and the beginning of the marriage of Liadi, and is sung prior to the wedding ceremony and at other ceremony. At the conclusion of the blessing, the bride and the very special occasions. Reflecting the solemnity and holiness of groom drink from the cup of wine. the moment, the melody contains musical allusions to the higher spiritual worlds. With singing in the background, the groom approaches his The Ring bride and places a veil over her face as a sign that only her The ceremony itself is composed of two parts: kiddushin husband will gaze upon her beauty. The veil also emphasizes that (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). The essence of kiddushin is he is not solely interested in her physical beauty, which fades away giving the ring to the bride in the presence of two witnesses. with time, but rather in her inner beauty, which she will never Placing a solid unadorned band on the bride’s right index finger, lose. In covering her face, the bride also emulates the biblical the groom declares, “Behold, you are consecrated unto me with Rebecca who covered her face out of modesty when she saw Isaac this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” This dictum for the first time. The bride utilizes these moments for her own contains 32 letters in Hebrew. The number 32 written in Hebrew personal prayers and asks that she be as worthy as Rebecca, whose letters as lamed-bes, spelling lev, which translates as heart. marriage to Isaac marked the beginning of the Jewish People. According to the Torah a wedding is binding only after, the groom The Chassidic custom is to cover the bride’s face with a totally gives something of value to the bride and she accepts it. For over opaque veil so she can neither see or be seen, providing her with twelve centuries, a ring has served as that object. The ring used at complete privacy at this most propitious time of her life. The veil, the ceremony symbolizes an unspoken prayer. Just as the ring must like the kittel of the groom, is made from something worn by the be of plain gold without blemishes, so too it is hoped that the Rebbe or the Rebbetzin. Additionally, tradition teaches us that marriage be one of simple beauty, free from strife or conflict which the Shechina (G-Daly presence) rests upon the face of the bride might destroy its perfect “roundness.” By accepting the ring, the and therefore her face must be covered just as Moses’ face was bride consents to the marriage. covered when he received the commandments on Mount Sinai. After the groom cover’s the bride’s face the parents bless the bride. All assembled then proceed to the Chuppah area to await Reading the Ketubah the arrival of the groom, bride and their parents. At this point, the ketubah is read aloud in its original Aramaic text. It spells out the obligations of the husband to his wife, which

10 7 THE CEREMONY The Rebbe’s Letter It was a custom of the Rebbe to respond to invitations to The Chupah participate at a wedding by sending a letter of blessing to the bride The wedding ceremony takes place under a chupah (canopy). It and groom. Traditionally, that letter would be read at the is thought that before the giving of the Torah, G-d held Mount beginning of the chupah ceremony. We will begin the ceremony by Sinai over the Israelites’ heads in what was the archetypal chupah, reading the text of the letter. symbolizing the marriage between G-d and the Jewish people. Open on all four sides, the chupah is also likened to Abraham’s house, which had entrances on all four sides as a reflection of his great hospitality. Standing under the chupah, the couple makes a statement that their house will be open to guests and hospitality just as Abraham’s tent was. Because the chupah is meant to represent a house, it is preferably erected outdoors, under the stars, as Abraham was promised that his descendants would one day be like “the stars of heaven.” Since every Jewish marriage is a continuation of Abraham’s progeny, it is befitting that the marriage be conducted under the stars. The groom is lead to the chupah first, just as Moses led the Israelites to G-d at Mount Sinai. It is a custom for those leading the bride and groom to carry candles, symbolizing that the couple’s life together will be one of light and joy. This same light and joy was also present at Mount Sinai, which was surrounded by lightning flashes and fire at the great wedding between Israel and G-d when the Torah was given. When the bride joins the groom under the chupah she walks around him seven times before standing next to him. Seven signifies a creative completion, like the seven days of creation, a passage beyond the physical into the spiritual. Just as the seventh day was the creation of Shabbos (the Sabbath), a spiritual day and the day that completed the creation of the world, so do the seven circles around the groom signify their completed quest for each other. Seven also symbolizes the seven times a man wraps the straps around his arm. Just as a man binds himself in love of G-d, so is he bound to love his bride.

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