Nonverbal Communication

76 Watch out for the man whose stomach doesn’t move when he laughs. —Chinese proverb

Learning Objectives Chapter Outline

fter completing this chapter, you ollowing are the main sections in Awill be able to do the following. Fthis chapter.

• Distinguish between verbal and nonverbal 1 Body Basics communication. 2 Interpreting Nonverbal Messages • Use body language to reinforce your verbal message. 3 Multicultural Messages • Recognize when someone is not telling the truth. • Explain how the same gesture can have different meanings in different cultures.

Speech Vocabulary Academic Vocabulary

n this chapter, you will learn the mean- xpanding your academic vocabulary will I ings of the speech terms listed below. Ehelp you become a more effective commu- nicator. Listed below are some words appearing nonverbal message personal space in this chapter that you should make part of your body language intimate distance eye contact personal distance vocabulary. tone of voice social distance sympathetic suppress gesture public distance diverse anthropologist distal comparative proximal intimacy timbre stoic

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 77 We speak only with our mouths, but we communicate with our whole bodies. In fact, experts say that more than half of all communication is nonverbal. To truly understand other people, then, you must learn how to read their body language as well as interpret their words. You must learn what their facial expressions, hand gestures, and other signals mean. Even people’s body temperature can be signiﬁ cant, as it reveals itself in the color of their faces or the moisture on their palms. In this chapter, you will learn how to interpret body language, how body language varies from culture to culture, and how to use body language to make your own communication more effective and convincing.

Introduction You can communicate even when you don’t say a word. In 1990 a photographer for National Geographic magazine lined up the members of the U.S. Supreme Court for their official photograph. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor found herself standing directly behind Justice Byron White. According to news reports, O’Connor quietly formed a V with her fingers and held them just above White’s head, making the old “rabbit ears” sign. O’Connor was sending a nonverbal message to everyone who saw the photograph—a message that said, “We don’t take ourselves quite as seriously as it looks.” Nonverbal messages play Nonverbal messages often say as much or more than spoken words. an enormous and often unappre- ciated role in all of our communication. Albert Mehrabian, a professor of psychology at “You see,” says the detective Sherlock Holmes to UCLA, claims that talking is the least important way his somewhat dim-witted assistant Dr. Watson, “but we communicate. What counts most, he says, are you do not observe.” What Holmes means is that the our nonverbal messages. These messages include the best way to understand people is to watch them—to way we sit or stand, how we tilt our heads, our facial notice what they do as well as what they say. expressions, our gestures, and our tone of voice.

78 UNIT 2 Person to Person 1 Body Basics

nderstanding nonverbal communication is vital in many ways. It helps us understand, U for example, how others react to us and to our ideas. If someone you are speaking to crosses his arms or legs, you may suspect that he feels threat- ened by what you are saying or disagrees with you. If your listener opens his hands toward you, you may expect agreement or at least a sympathetic ear. People from different cultures may attach different meanings to the same gestures. For example, consider the “hook ’em, horns” sign, made famous by fans of the University of Texas football team. To make the sign, hold up your index and pinky fingers. In Texas this signifies support for the team, but beware: in Italy, this sign is an insult. In Brazil, it means good luck; and among Hindus, it means a cow. Being sensitive to the way different people interpret nonverbal messages can help you communicate more effectively wherever you are. Body language indicates that these people are friends. Knowing something about nonverbal communi- hands on their chins. But while he was saying this, cation can also be helpful when you send messages. he did something different—he placed his own Your physical actions can either reinforce or con- thumb and forefinger on his cheek. tradict what you say. If you feel nervous about Typically, 90 percent of his listeners followed his speaking to a group, for instance, you may avoid actions, not his words. Despite his instructions, they looking at your listeners, lean on the podium, or put their hands on their cheeks just as he did. “In drop your voice to a low mumble. business,” notes Susan Bixler, president of With a little practice, however, you can master a Professional Image, “body language always wins different set of nonverbal habits—mannerisms that out over verbal communication.” will convey confidence and authority. Eventually, Why is body language important? First, because by learning to look confident, you begin to feel people usually remember more of what they see confident. than what they hear, and second, because we have learned that it helps us recognize the truth. When a person’s words and body language are consistent, Body Language we tend to believe that person. When their words Also called the “silent language,” body language and body language say different things, we tend to is the way we use our bodies to send messages. A believe the body language and doubt the words. speaker for Toastmasters International once found Often, complicated feelings spill out in the form of an effective way to demonstrate to an audience body language. If a speaker is having difficulty control- how body language works. He asked his listeners to ling her anger, for example, she might raise her voice place their thumbs and forefingers together (as in or turn away. “No mortal can keep a secret,” noted the OK sign) and then told them to place their Sigmund Freud. “If his lips are silent, he chatters with CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 79 Walk the Walk

ne of the most interesting body movements is the walk. Some have called the way we walk a O“second signature,” because each person’s walk is distinct. The way we walk results partly from body structure, of course, but pace and length of stride seem to change with our emotions. If you are happy, you may move more quickly and seem lighter on your feet. If you’re unhappy, your shoulders may droop, and you may walk as though your shoes were made of lead. Studies show that people tend to like men and women who have a bounce to their walk, swing their arms, and take long, strong strides. In fact, some psychologists say a long stride is such a positive body movement that you can improve your disposition—and make yourself happier—just by taking longer steps.

his fingertips.” Even though people can control their • Relaxed posture. Sit comfortably and breathe in a words, and sometimes their facial expressions, there is relaxed manner. Avoid abrupt movements. often a “leakage” of feelings—perhaps in a gesture, a • Arms relaxed. Uncross your arms and hold shift of position, or a tone of voice. Any one of these your hands palms up as a sign of openness. nonverbal signals may help you to interpret the mes- • Good eye contact. Look the other person in the sages you receive. eye, particularly when she or he is speaking. Body language is also remarkably diverse. Mario Look away occasionally to avoid staring. Pei, a communications expert, once estimated that • Nodding agreement. When you nod your head humans produce up to 700,000 different physical at something the other person has said, you signs. The face alone is capable of 250,000 differ- indicate that you agree or understand. But ent expressions. Other researchers have identified don’t overdo it. Continuous head bobbing some 5,000 separate hand gestures and 1,000 kinds usually means that the listener has tuned out. of postures. Clearly, we send messages by a dizzy- • Smiling at humor. This signals a warm personal ing array of nonverbal means. These messages are relationship. fun to watch and challenging to interpret. And • Leaning closer. Reducing the distance between unlike verbal communication, which is intermit- you and a partner, particularly when the other tent, body language is constant. person is speaking, indicates interest is up and barriers are down. Learning to Read Body Language • Using gestures. Talking with your hands indi- Recognizing body language is an inexact art, so you cates involvement in the conversation and must be careful about how you interpret it. A cer- openness to the other person. tain movement or facial expression may be quite For all of these positive behaviors, moderation is meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As a the key. When these movements are exaggerated, starting point, the lists below provide common they can become more negative than positive. body language terms and their generally accepted Negative Body Language Most positive gestures meanings. are distal; that is, they are directed toward others. Positive Body Language Certain physical cues can Most negative gestures, on the other hand, are be quite reliable as indicators of positive feelings. Here proximal; they are directed toward your own body. are some things you can do, for example, to signal Negative body language is somewhat less reliable interest in another person during a conversation: as a method for reading another person’s mood,

80 UNIT 2 Person to Person because actions that are generally considered nega- Using Body Language Effectively We nor- tive may just be a sign of nervousness. Still, be on mally think of body language as a reflection of what the lookout for these behaviors: a person is feeling, and it is. But it is also true that if you change your body language, your feelings will • Body tension. A wrinkled brow, jerky body motions, begin to change as well. That’s why, when you feel or hands clasped in front can all indicate discom- yourself dragging in the middle of the afternoon, a fort with the topic or the other person. quick walk around the block can rejuvenate you. • Arms folded. This creates a barrier and can indi- You also tend to feel better when you put on fresh cate resistance to what is being said. clothes, or if you just smile. • Speaking hand to mouth. Putting your hands This principle has two practical applications: (1) near your mouth, scratching your cheek or eye- You can make yourself look and feel better by using brow—these are things that say, “Don’t listen more positive body language. The famous football to me, I’m not sure of what I am saying.” coach Vince Lombardi used to tell his players before • Fidgeting. If you move around a lot, play with an away game, “You’ve got to look good getting off things, or drum with your fingers, you send sig- the bus.” In other words, if you look and act like a nals of boredom, nervousness, or impatience. winner, you are more likely to be one. (2) Body • Yawning. This often happens if the other language is contagious. If person X uses neutral person is talking too much or in too much body language, and person Y uses positive body lan- technical detail. guage, person X will gradually begin to mirror Y’s behavior. Thus, your positive body language can gradually affect the behavior of those around you.

PEANUTS reprinted by permission of United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 81 1

Recalling the Facts stand facing each other. One of you now becomes the mirror image for the other Try this quick quiz to see how well you can by trying to copy your partner’s body interpret nonverbal messages. Match the action movements. Try holding a conversation. in the left column with the message in the After a while reverse roles and repeat the right column: activity. What are each person’s character- 1. What is the difference between active and istic gestures? passive listening? 2. Name and briefly identify four listening styles. Taking Charge Action Message 1. To observe body language in action, try 1. Slapping your a. “I’m angry.” an experiment the next time you ride a forehead with the b. “I forgot crowded elevator. When you board the heel of your hand something.” elevator, don’t turn around and face the 2. Wrinkling your c. “I’m getting door. Instead, stand facing the other peo- forehead and impatient.” ple in the elevator. If you want to create frowning d. “I don’t even more tension, grin and stare at every- 3. Tapping your fin- understand.” one. Very likely, the other passengers will gers on a desk or e. “I don’t like glare back, and they may appear to be sur- table that.” prised or upset. The reason? You have 4. Slamming a book broken the (unspoken) rules. down on a desk Discuss with your classmates what you or table discover. Brainstorm other situations in 5. Wrinkling your which breaking the nonverbal rules might nose affect others. 2. Pair off with a partner and try to communicate the following feelings nonverbally: Thinking Critically frustration, tension, joy, anger, hate, and 1. Why do actions speak louder than happiness. Think of a few other feelings, words? and attempt to see whether your partner 2. To learn more about body language, try a can guess what emotion you are trying to mirroring exercise. Find a partner and communicate.

82 UNIT 2 Person to Person 2 Interpreting Nonverbal Messages

earning to read body language is complicated • Don’t just look, but observe. by the fact that people often express different • Consider the person’s normal physical and L and even contradictory messages in their ver- verbal behavior patterns, and be alert for vari- bal and nonverbal behaviors. Are you nodding your ations from those norms. head yes while you’re saying no? • Remember that one signal alone may mean A common example of this double message is nothing; what you’re looking for are clusters the experience of hearing someone with a red face of signals. and bulging veins yell, “Angry? No, I’m not angry!” Like this person, you may sometimes try to put on Facial Expressions a false front. You try to keep a straight face, for example, when laughing might hurt someone’s Because of their visibility, we pay a great deal of feelings, or you try to act calm when you don’t want attention to other people’s faces. Babies, for exam- someone to worry about you. ple, take special interest in the huge faces they see We all try to “massage our message” from time peering over their cribs. Although the face is capa- to time. In other words, we attempt to use our bod- ble of making hundreds of distinct movements and ies to disguise our real feelings. For example, we communicating many emotional states, six emo- may pretend not to be hurt even though our hearts tions seem to cause most expressions: surprise, fear, are breaking. anger, disgust, happiness, and sadness. Blends of We have learned how to “behave” ourselves, how these primary emotions account for nearly all of to hide our true feelings. We choose roles and act our facial expressions. our parts. But rarely do we turn in a perfect perfor- No single area of the face best reveals emotions, mance. Thus, who we really are and what we really but for any given emotion, certain features may be mean often slip out in our behavior—in what we more important. For example, the nose-cheek- say, the way we say it, and the way our bodies act. mouth area is most important for showing disgust. Here are some tips for reading the true meaning For fear, the eyes and eyelids are most important. of nonverbal communication: Sadness can be detected or expressed best in the

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 83 brows and forehead, while happiness can be found in the cheeks and mouth. How to Tell If Someone Is Lying If you watch a person’s face in slow motion (on ncreased face touching can indicate film or video), you discover that people change that someone is not telling the truth. expressions rapidly. Some expressions last only ) Watch for behaviors like the following: a few hundredths of a second; in fact, they are so fleeting that they are rarely noticed in everyday conversation. Some of these fleeting expressions reveal a person’s true feelings, but they are quickly replaced by deliberate expressions the person feels are more socially appropriate. You can disguise your face more easily than almost any other part of your body. That means that despite our natural tendency EARLOBE PULL CHIN STROKE to search faces for meaning, they are not necessarily the best place to look.

Tone of Voice By contrast, tone of voice offers a valuable clue to a speaker’s feelings. The pitch and timbre (distinctive tone) of a person’s voice and the pauses LIP PRESS MOUTH COVER and rhythm of a voice can express things above and beyond the words themselves. The psychotherapist John Hull learned to be especially sensitive to Rollo May once asked himself, “What does the tone of voice when he became visually impaired at voice say when I stop listening to the words?” age 48. “With the people I know very well,” he said, The simple word oh, for example, says very little “I find that all of the emotion that would normally as you see it printed here. But in spoken form, oh can be expressed in the face is there in the voice: the have many different meanings. According to the way tiredness, the anxiety, the excitement. My impres- it is spoken, oh can mean any of the following: sions based on the voice seem to be just as accurate • “You surprised me.” as those of sighted people. The capacity of the voice • “I made a mistake.” to reveal the self is truly amazing. These are the • “You’re a pain in the neck.” things that matter to me now.” • “You make me so happy.” • “I’m bored.” • “I’m fascinated.” How to Tell When Someone Is Lying • “I understand.” According to Desmond Morris, author of The • “I don’t understand.” Naked Ape, we control some parts of our bodies The rate of speech also tells us something about the better than others. The easiest parts to control are speaker’s feelings. People tend to talk fast when they those whose actions we are most aware of. Smiles are excited or anxious. They also tend to talk fast when and frowns are easy to control. So facial expres- they are trying to persuade us or sell us something. On sions are a poor test of someone’s sincerity. the other hand, people tend to talk more slowly when General body postures, on the other hand, can be they are depressed, disgusted, or simply tired. very revealing, because we are not fully conscious of

84 UNIT 2 Person to Person them; we don’t usually know, for example, whether we are slumping or standing tall. Legs and feet are How can you tell whether a smile is genuine? the parts of the body we are usually least aware of. miles are much more complicated than many Then what can we do to discover a person’s true Speople realize. Paul Ekman, a researcher at the thoughts? Are there specific body messages we can University of California at San Francisco, has iden- look for? Morris conducted a series of experiments tified eighteen distinctive smiles—most of them to provide some answers. He asked a group of phony. One of the most common is the “qualifier” nurses to lie about a movie they had seen. He then smile, which superiors often use when rejecting an assembled a set of behaviors that seem to persist idea or criticizing an employee. In such a smile, the corners of the lips are usually tightened, with during moments of deception: the bottom lip pushed up slightly. But Ekman says • Decreased hand activity. The hand gestures most people can identify the real thing. Look at the nurses would normally use were reduced. the upper half of a person’s face. Genuine, or “felt,” smiles involve the muscles that make the The reason may be that hand actions, which corners of the eyes crinkle with pleasure. illustrate what we say, are not entirely under our conscious control. Unconsciously, when you are not being truthful, you may sense that result is a halfhearted motion, with the hand-to- your hands will give you away, so you suppress mouth gesture ending up as a slight brush. them. You hide them, sit on them, stuff them • Stiff and rigid posture. “Most people move into pockets, or clasp them together. less when they’re lying,” says psychologist • Increased face touching. We all touch our Albert Mehrabian. “Their movements and faces from time to time when we speak, but body positions become less fluid.” However, the frequency of this simple action rises dur- some people move more when they feel con- ing moments of stress, such as lying. Hand-to- flicted, as the next point shows. face favorites include the chin stroke, the lip • Increased body shifting. Most of us can press, the mouth cover, the nose touch, the remember squirming as children when we cheek rub, the eyebrow scratch, the earlobe were being interrogated by our parents. Our pull, and the hair groom. squirms were symptoms of an almost over- Why these actions might indicate lying can be powering desire to escape. As adults, we learn explained with the mouth cover. According to to suppress these actions, but they do not dis- Morris, as false words emerge from the speaker’s appear entirely. If you know a person well, mouth, one part of his brain becomes uncomfort- you may be able to spot times when he or she able and sends a message to his hand to “cover up” seems unusually restless. That body language what the lips are doing. The other part of his brain, may indicate that the person is uncomfortable however, cannot permit this cover-up to work. The about something he or she is saying.

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 85 2

Recalling the Facts Listen to both stories, carefully observing your partner’s body language and tone of voice. Can 1. Tone of voice is one way that we can com- you guess which story is true? After you have municate feelings. Descibe the different tried to guess, reverse roles and tell two stories ways that a person can say the word “oh” to to your partner. convey feelings. Now work with a partner and take turns 2. Because we all try to disguise our real feel- saying the words “thanks a lot.” Keep track of ings from time to time, reading body lan- the different feelings you can convey by chang- guage can be difficult. Describe ways we can ing your tone of voice as you say the words. use body language to distinguish genuine feelings from false ones. 3. How can you tell a genuine smile from Taking Charge a phony one? 4. What nonverbal message would a person Watch a recording of a film or a TV show (a send if she brushed her fingers across her cartoon works well) with the sound off, and try mouth when she was speaking? to guess what is being expressed by body lan- 5. How does a person use his or her hands to guage alone. Then play the recording again with send noverbal messages? the volume up. How well did you do with your guesses? Reverse this procedure, so that you listen but do not look. How much do you feel Thinking Critically you lose by relying only on verbal messages? Ask a partner to tell you two stories about Try the same activity watching singers per- something that happened to him or her—one form a song in a televised competition. Turn true and one false. Your partner should try to off the sound as they sing. What does their make the false story sound reasonable, so that body language and facial expression tell you wild exaggerations don’t give the story away. about the feelings expressed in the song?

86 UNIT 2 Person to Person 3 Multicultural Messages

hile practiced everywhere, body language is not a universal language. The familiar W thumbs-up gesture that means “every- thing’s OK” or “good going,” especially when used by a pilot or an astronaut, has other meanings in other places. North Americans recognize the thumbs- up gesture as a sign that you are hitchhiking, but don’t use it to get a ride in Nigeria; there it’s a rude insult. Roger Axtell, who traveled the world for 30 years as an executive with the Parker Pen Company, wrote a guide for business travelers—Do’s and Taboos Around the World—that he hoped would help head off international incidents. “In Buenos Aires,” Axtell writes, “a manager met me with his arms outstretched. I realized, ‘That man’s going to hug me.’ I’m from Wisconsin. We don’t do things like that. And by the way, there’s an art to the social hug. You have to turn your head a bit. We ended up smashing noses. It wasn’t a very auspicious beginning.”

Cultural Differences Generally, we expect to communicate better face Most Americans reserve hugs for their families and to face than indirectly—say, on the telephone. close friends, but people in other cultures may hug when greeting strangers. Nonverbal information—such as one’s appearance, tone of voice, facial expression, and body lan- Gestures Around the World guage—provides extra information that enriches understanding. However, when cultural differences If humans can produce 5,000 different gestures, are involved, more nonverbal information is not why do we use the same ones over and over? always better. Probably because they are the ones we need for For one thing, when you do not have good com- everyday situations: when we greet each other, mand of a foreign language, you tend to lose some beckon to one another, and especially when we control over your nonverbal expressions. So, touch one another. English spoken with a foreign accent not only is Nodding your head up and down means yes— hard to understand, but it can also lead to a poorly unless, of course, you live in Bulgaria or parts of controlled tone of voice or awkward facial expres- Greece, Turkey, and Iran, where it means just the sions. Sometimes it is hard not to judge a person opposite. Tapping your head with your forefinger based on such behaviors, and it takes patience to can have two meanings. Sometimes it means, “That move beyond first impressions. person is very intelligent!” and sometimes, “That CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 87 The Ultimate Gesture

If you feel bewildered by the seemingly infinite number of gestures used around the world, perhaps you would do well to remember the “ultimate gesture.” Researchers call it that because it carries more positive characteristics than any other single gesture. First, this gesture is known everywhere in the world. It is absolutely universal. Second, it is rarely, if ever, misunderstood. Nonindustrial peoples and world leaders alike know this gesture. They—like you, no doubt—recognize it in others and use it themselves. Third, scientists believe this particular gesture releases chemicals called endorphins into your system, creating a feeling of mild euphoria—a sense of great happiness or well-being. Fourth, as you travel around the world, this gesture may help you slip out of the prickli- est of situations. What is this singular signal, this miracle, this giant of all gestures? It is, quite simply, the smile.

Question What other universal gestures or expressions can you identify?

person is crazy!” It all depends on the facial expres- greeting goes far back in history. Citizens of the sion that goes with the gesture. Roman Empire greeted each other with a hand- All over the world, scratching your head seems to and-forearm clasp, mainly to show that neither mean, “I am confused.” Apparently, everyone gets party was carrying a weapon. The hug or embrace confused. In an Italian study, psychologists filmed (a form of greeting common in Mediterranean people in telephone booths. One clip shows a man countries) may have had a similar purpose. The holding the receiver in his left hand and gesturing hug gave people physical assurance that no weap- vigorously with his right. As the conversation seems ons were hiding beneath anyone’s robe. to agitate him more, he tucks the receiver under his Worldwide, many other forms of greeting are chin to free both hands for gesturing, beating the used. In the Middle East, citizens can still be seen air with his fists. giving the salaam. To give the salaam, you sweep This man probably couldn’t talk at all if we tied your right hand upward, first touching the heart, his hands behind his back. Let’s take a closer then the forehead, and finally up and outward, per- look at what other gestures can mean in different haps with a slight nod of the head. At the same cultures. time you say, Salaam alaykum, meaning “Peace be with you.” Signs of Greeting Some anthropologists, scien- Many Inuit people greet by slapping their hands tists who study human cultural development, on each other’s head or shoulders. Some Polynesians believe that an outstretched hand as a form of welcome strangers by embracing them and then

88 UNIT 2 Person to Person rubbing their backs. Maori people in New Zealand case, the department head) bows first and lower. rub noses, and some East Africans spit at each oth- Normally, American travelers are not expected to er’s feet. Americans traveling to Tibet should be cul- make a full bow to their Japanese companions, but turally alert. People there are said to greet one they might make a slight bow to indicate that they another by sticking out their tongues. respect Japanese customs. Handshakes Handshakes seem to come in three Even being culturally sensitive, however, won’t styles: gentle, firm, and Texan. Britain’s Prince keep you from awkward situations. Many Japanese Charles, who travels widely and must be something people, especially those who travel abroad, have of an expert on international greetings, has com- adopted Western ways. As a result, you may find plained about the finger-crunching grip of yourself bowing in a Japanese person’s direction Americans, “especially Texans.” just as she or he reaches out to shake your hand. Kisses French people like handshakes, but many When cultures collide, we often meet each other of them don’t stop there. Close friendships require somewhere in the middle. warmer greetings. Men kiss each other, squeeze each other’s shoulders, slap backs, punch kidneys, and pinch cheeks. When men greet women or Touching Customs women greet other women, a kiss on each cheek is We live in a world of extremes: some cultures expected. enjoy lots of body contact; others avoid it com- Bows The most polite greeting of all is the bow. In pletely. One psychologist measured this desire to many Asian countries—especially Japan, where style touch by watching how people behave in busy and courtesy are highly valued—a bow from the downtown coffee shops. He found that couples in waist is the preferred way to greet someone. A bow San Juan, Puerto Rico, touched each other about indicates respect and humility, and it often reflects 180 times per hour, while couples in Paris touched social status. To the Japanese, bowing is indispens- about 110 times per hour. The comparative numbers able, because it allows them to greet one another for the United States and northern Europe were without invading each other’s personal space. dramatically different. Couples in Gainesville, Who bows first? In Japanese society, rank is very Florida, touched each other just twice an hour, and important. In business, for example, a mid-level couples in London never touched at all. manager in a large company outranks a department Touching is the language of physical intimacy. head. Therefore, the person of lower rank (in this Because of this, touch can be the most powerful of all the communication channels. Brigitte Gerney was trapped for six hours beneath the wreckage of a collapsed construction crane in New York City. Throughout her ordeal, she held the hand of a res- cue worker, who stayed by her side as heavy machin- ery removed the tons of twisted steel from her crushed legs. A stranger’s touch gave her hope and the will to live. Touch appears to affect the sexes differently. Women sometimes react much more favorably to touch than men. In one study, psychologists asked a group of nurses to lightly touch a patient once or twice shortly before the patient underwent surgery. The touching produced a strongly positive reac- tion—but only among women. It appeared to lower In Japan a bow from the waist is the their blood pressure and anxiety levels both before preferred greeting. and after surgery.

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 89 stranger. Think about your own comfort level when you find yourself in a crowd. Are you relaxed and loose, or does physical contact make you feel awk- Gestures Gone Awry ward and tense? In some situations, we can’t help touching each other. In a crowded elevator, for instance, people hile a kiss on the cheek or a hug in stand shoulder to shoulder and arm to arm, accept- Wpublic is acceptable—and even ing such close contact without complaint. The rule expected—in Hollywood, such gestures are seems to be “Touch only from shoulder to elbow, not acceptable in Bollywood (India’s film but nowhere else.” Even though many people industry, located in Mumbai). In 2007 actor regard Japan as a “nontouching” society, its crowded Richard Gere, star of Chicago and Pretty cities force people to be jammed into subways and Woman, learned this lesson the hard way trains. Edward T. Hall, an anthropologist, says the when he kissed Bollywood actress Shilpa Japanese handle their uneasiness about being Shetty at an AIDS awareness rally in Jaipar, packed into public places by avoiding eye contact India. His act sparked protests across the and drawing within themselves emotionally, thus country and landed Gere and Shetty in court “touching without feeling.” for violating “public obscenity” laws. Some followers of the Hindu religion felt Gere’s gesture not only damaged Shetty’s reputa- Watch My Space tion but insulted Indian culture. The high Sometimes we speak of “keeping our distance” court, however, dismissed the charges. from someone we dislike or “getting close” to In 2006 President George W. Bush made someone we like. Anthropologists say that we all a similar cultural blunder when he squeezed live inside a “bubble” of personal space. The bub- the shoulders of German chancellor Angela ble represents our personal territory, and we resent Merkel at the Group of 8 Summit in Russia. it when someone invades our space. Merkel appeared shocked by the gesture, and the German media called Bush’s act a International businesspeople need to be aware of “love attack.” Bush has been known to hug what kinds of touching are acceptable in different parts of the world. or kiss people in public, but these displays of affection are definite “no-nos” in countries where public touching is unacceptable.

For men, however, the touching proved to be very upsetting. Both their blood pressure and their anxiety levels rose. The psychologists suspect that because men are taught to be more stoic—that is, to hide their feelings and to ignore their fears—the touching rattled them by reminding them that life is fragile. How do you feel about touching and being touched? Salespeople think they know—research shows that it is harder to say no to someone who touches you when making a request—but not everyone is happy about being touched by a

90 UNIT 2 Person to Person Sometimes you cannot avoid contact at rush hour because you have no personal space. Americans tend to prefer standing about 24 to 30 arm and put his thumb in the other person’s ear.” inches from one another. This just happens to be an Asian people tend to stand farther apart when talk- arm’s length away. “When two Americans stand facing. Latin Americans and Middle Easterners, on the ing one another in any normal social or business other hand, tend to stand much closer, literally toe situation,” says George Renwick, an expert on inter- to toe. They also tend to like touching their partner’s cultural communication, “one could stretch out his arm or elbow when conversing.

Types of Space INTIMATE PERSONAL SOCIAL PUBLIC

under 18 inches 11⁄2 to 4 feet 4 to 12 feet over 12 feet

Intimate distance is Personal distance is Social distance is the At a public distance, primarily for confidential comfortable for conversa- ordinary distance people perhaps in a shopping mall or exchanges and is almost tion between friends. maintain from one another on the street, people barely always reserved for close for most social and business acknowledge each other’s friends. exchanges. presence. At most, they give a nod or a shake of the head.

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 91 3

Recalling the Facts way that Korean merchants could be consistent with their cultural customs but still 1. Give a few examples of the ways in which make foreign customers feel welcome? greetings differ from one country to 2. How important is it to be familiar with another. the body language customs of other cul- 2. In what two ways could people interpret tures? Do you think it would it be better the gesture of tapping one’s head with the if all cultures had the same body lan- index finger? guage? Why or why not? 3. How does touch affect some men and 3. How do you think greetings change when women differently? people see each other frequently? Do you 4. In what cultures are people most likely to greet your parents, whom you see almost stand close and touch you while they are every day, the same way that you greet talking? relatives you have not seen for months 5. What is the difference between public or years? space and private space? Thinking Critically Taking Charge 1. Touching customs that vary from culture to Invite several recent immigrants to class and culture can have unfortunate consequences. ask them to discuss the differences they notice In Korea, for example, when merchants in nonverbal communication between the make change for a customer, they usually United States and their homelands. place the money on the counter to avoid Take a survey among classmates about the any physical contact. “They won’t touch ways that people in their families greet each my hand,” one American customer com- other. How many have relatives who hug plained. A Korean merchant explained that them? How many have relatives who kiss in his homeland, people are taught to avoid them? How many have relatives who bow? all physical contact with strangers, espe- Discuss greetings in relation to a classmate’s cially direct eye contact. Can you suggest a cultural background.

92 UNIT 2 Person to Person One Woman’s Experiment to Act Like a Man

In her book You Just Don’t Understand, linguist Deborah Tannen argues that men and women speak different languages. What she doesn’t say, however, is that the sexes also use different body languages. That idea is what caused journalist Sheila Feeney to try an unusual experiment. What if, she asked, she walked like a man? Eventually, after doing some inter- views with experts, she compiled a top-five list of what she called classic male moves: • The land grab. Men tend to take up more space than women do, according to Feeney. Women who have battled for an armrest in a theater or fought for space on a couch might agree with Feeney. Dr. Lillian Glass, a communications specialist, advises women executives to make their own “land grab” by spreading their papers around a meeting table and using sweeping arm gestures to help establish authority. • Touchy, touchy. Despite what you might think, men are more likely to touch women than vice versa, according to Feeney. And where they touch is critical: Most women restrict themselves to the forearms and hands, while many guys go for the upper body—hence all that back-slapping, shoulder-shaking, and arm-pumping. • The stare master. Unlike women, men often look at people without softening their appraising stare, says Glass. She says women are more conditioned to seek and give approval. Feeney decided to stare at a few men on the street. Some broke into smiles, some even said hello, but the overwhelming majority of strangers and acquaintances she picked as “victims” became distinctly uncomfortable. • The chest butt. “If you really want to try something, orient your body directly at another person,” says Dr. David Givens, an expert in nonverbal communication. Unless they’re about to shout someone down or punch him in the nose, men instinc- tively turn from each other when talking. Standing face to face is something men will do only when they’re mad. • Look away, look away. Some women complain that men don’t pay attention to them. They say that many men’s eyes wander to their watches, to the television, or to the newspaper when they are supposed to be listening. Yet the male “power move” of avoiding eye contact while being spoken to proved to be tough for Feeney. She said she felt unforgivably mean each time she glanced away while someone was speaking to her.

Question: What other kinds of body language do you think men tend to use more than women? What kinds of body language do women use more than men?

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 93 Appreciating the Difference by Charlie Paul

n the following speech (made soon after a presidential campaign by Bill Clinton), a student makes the Icase that different groups have different body languages. Paying close attention to body language and nonverbal communication, he argues, might help us overcome some cultural misunderstandings.

Facial expressions, hand gestures, and body language note is that what is learned can be unlearned. Dr. Robert all say as much as voices, but they mean different things Sheckley, a New York psychiatrist, stated that “American to different people—depending on where your ancestors women generally have much more animated facial expres- immigrated from and where you live. sions than men, but in recent years professional women In the last political presidential campaign, I began to in the workforce have learned to be less expressive.” notice that I had never actually seen a television clip or Sheckley went on to say that regardless of the occupation, picture where Bill Clinton was not smiling. It took me a women are often expected to conceal their emotions. great deal of time before I realized that Clinton’s smile Body language is a very complicated subject, and the actually represented a regional difference in body lan- differences between the sexes and people of different guage—a kind of Southern accent of the face. Each cul- origins can often lead to problems or misunderstand- ture has a set of unwritten rules regarding the situations ings. Not long ago, for example, I was in a friend’s kitchen in which smiling is or is not expected, and people in the when suddenly I realized I literally had my body pressed South habitually smile a great deal. In fact, a person from up against a wall—even though we had started the con- Arkansas who seldom smiled would probably be asked versation in the middle of the room. I thought about what was wrong. what had happened. I tend to keep my distance from No one is actually taught when to smile and when not people during conversation, but my friend obviously to. As children grow up, they simply emulate the behav- feels more at ease in situations of close proximity. So as ior of the people around them; they absorb a kind of she moved forward, I moved back to maintain the dis- nonverbal code as they learn the spoken language. A tance that was comfortable for me and we gradually German, for instance, gestures in a manner that is as inched across the room. If I hadn’t stopped and thought distinctively German as his speech. about the situation, I might have concluded that she was In the United States, body language can be very com- being very aggressive and pushy—just as she might have plicated. We are a nation of immigrants and descendants thought that I was standoffish and aloof. . . . of immigrants—all of whom came with their own lan- Opinions differ as to how important body languages guage and ethnic differences. Spoken accents tend to dis- are, but researchers all agree that they do exist—and they appear long before body dialects, so second-generation don’t have to create problems. Hispanic-Americans, for example, often look Hispanic One way to help prevent misunderstanding is for in the way that they move and gesture though they don’t everyone to realize that we really don’t all speak the sound Hispanic at all. . . . same body language. Beyond that, maybe we need to It would be an oversimplification to say that a person learn to appreciate our differences, rather than keep try- was expressive or inexpressive entirely on the basis of ing to overlook them, so that we can open ourselves up ethnic background. Personality enters into the picture, to the fascinating variations in people. To quote my and of course, ethnic differences can also be cross-cut by Irish granddad, “May the gentle rain and wind fade all regional and religious ones. What is more interesting to your problems.”

94 UNIT 2 Person to Person 4 Review and Enrichment

Looking Back

Listed below are the major ideas discussed in this chapter.

• Nonverbal messages are a vital part of • We tend to look for nonverbal messages face-to-face communication. in other people’s faces, but the face is the • Nonverbal messages frequently over- part of the body that can be most easily power verbal messages. controlled and therefore disguised. • Although body language is used world- • We can learn to spot someone who is wide, it is not a universal language. lying by studying body language. People • Some cultures are much more comfort- who are lying tend to use fewer hand ges- able with touching than others. tures, to touch their faces more often, and • The distance you keep between yourself to shift position more frequently. and others (your “personal space”) helps • You should assess your own body lan- define the kind of communication that is guage from time to time, especially to see taking place. whether it contributes to a professional demeanor. Speech Vocabulary

Match each vocabulary term on the left with the correct definition on the right. 1. nonverbal message a. all our physical movements 2. body language b. the distance for a conversation among 3. gesture friends 4. tone of voice c. looking directly at your communication 5. personal space partner 6. intimate distance d. any means of communication other than 7. personal distance words 8. social distance e. the distance we keep between ourselves 9. public distance and strangers 10. eye contact f. style or manner of expression g. the distance for normal business conversations h. the distance for personal conversations i. our “personal territory” j. hand or arm movement

Speech Online Chapter Review For additional practice and assessment, 95 go to glencoe.com and enter QuickPass code GS7800c4. 4 Review and Enrichment

Academic Vocabulary

Use context clues to write the meaning of each vocabulary term. Then use a print or online dictionary to check the accuracy of your definition. sympathetic suppress diverse anthropologist distal comparative proximal intimacy timbre stoic To Remember

Answer the following, based on your reading of the chapter. 1. Approximately how many different gestures 3. Name two cultures where touching among can human beings produce? friends is common and two where it is not. 2. The handshake and other forms of greeting 4. How far apart would two close friends ordi- go far back in time. What purpose do anthro- narily stand or sit during a friendly conversa- pologists think these gestures originally tion? What about two strangers? served? 5. What might a tendency to touch his or her face suggest about a speaker? To Do

1. Challenge your classmates to do short panto- face is prominently displayed on the screen, mimes of situations. Ask them to nonverbally stop the video and take turns with your class- present an ER room in a hospital, a nursery mates commenting on what you think that school, or an amusement park. particular expression “says.” How would you 2. Try a game of charades with your friends. Act assess your skill at reading expressions? Do out movie titles or current events to see how some of your classmates seem more skilled well you can communicate without words. than others at interpreting facial expressions? 3. Watch a film or video of the great mime Marcel 5. Take turns telling about one of the following, Marceau. What could a mime teach you about with your hands held behind your back. using more expressive body language? Try • How to shave pantomiming the action of throwing a ball. • How to mix a cake Have the ball change in weight and size. Have • How to serve a tennis ball it become sticky, muddy, hot, wet, or cold. • How to shake a rug 4. Bring some home videos to class. After read- • How to apply makeup ing the discussion of facial expressions on • How to pass a football pages 83–84, watch the available videos, • How to use a curling iron focusing on the facial expressions. When a

96 UNIT 2 Person to Person 6. When you want to express confidence, you smaller by bending over, tucking your head try to look bigger. You stretch yourself up to in, and looking down. Practice trying these your full height—head back, chest out, nose different kinds of walks at school. What kinds up. We call this “walking tall.” When you’re of reactions does each style elicit? sad or discouraged, you make yourself look To Talk About

1. How important is nonverbal communication in are the best indicators that someone might be everyday life? In school? On the job? lying? Do you think reading this information 2. How big is your bubble? How much room do will make you more apt to recognize when you need around yourself to be comfortable? someone is lying to you? Does that change with different social situa- 4 The Instant Impact on page 80 discusses the tions or different people? distinct way of walking that each individual 3. How do you know when someone is not telling has. The feature even refers to a person’s walk as the truth? What clues do you look for? Reread his or her “second signature.” Have you noticed the discussion “How to Tell When Someone Is the way that a particular person walks? Do you Lying” on pages 84–85. Which of the different agree with the idea that everyone has a distinct types of body language mentioned do you think walk? How would you describe your walk? To Write About

1. Keep a log of your personal space for one day. 2. Write a description of how to do one of these Each time you have a conversation, make a things: note of how close to you the other person • shoot a free throw stood or sat. Observe how the spatial distance • wash a dog between you and others varies according to Next, write a speech explaining the same the following factors: their status or author- process, and plan to use hand gestures and ity, sex, age, and social or cultural back- facial expressions to illustrate it. How many ground. Compare your log with those of words did body language save you? What classmates. parts of the explanation became easier? Related Speech Topics

How to speak body language Eye contact: Don’t forget it! You’re in my space! Smiles: the universal language The sure-fire liar detector plan Fear, anxiety, and the body Read a person like a book Talking without hands: Can you do it? Gestures around the world Clothes make the man or woman: true or false?

CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 97