Nonverbal Communication

NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION 76 Watch out for the man whose stomach doesn’t move when he laughs. —Chinese proverb Learning Objectives Chapter Outline fter completing this chapter, you ollowing are the main sections in Awill be able to do the following. Fthis chapter. • Distinguish between verbal and nonverbal 1 Body Basics communication. 2 Interpreting Nonverbal Messages • Use body language to reinforce your verbal message. 3 Multicultural Messages • Recognize when someone is not telling the truth. • Explain how the same gesture can have different meanings in different cultures. Speech Vocabulary Academic Vocabulary n this chapter, you will learn the mean- xpanding your academic vocabulary will I ings of the speech terms listed below. Ehelp you become a more effective commu- nicator. Listed below are some words appearing nonverbal message personal space in this chapter that you should make part of your body language intimate distance eye contact personal distance vocabulary. tone of voice social distance sympathetic suppress gesture public distance diverse anthropologist distal comparative proximal intimacy timbre stoic CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 77 We speak only with our mouths, but we communicate with our whole bodies. In fact, experts say that more than half of all communication is nonverbal. To truly understand other people, then, you must learn how to read their body language as well as interpret their words. You must learn what their facial expressions, hand gestures, and other signals mean. Even people’s body temperature can be signiﬁ cant, as it reveals itself in the color of their faces or the moisture on their palms. In this chapter, you will learn how to interpret body language, how body language varies from culture to culture, and how to use body language to make your own communication more effective and convincing. Introduction You can communicate even when you don’t say a word. In 1990 a photographer for National Geographic magazine lined up the members of the U.S. Supreme Court for their official photograph. Justice Sandra Day O’Connor found herself stand- ing directly behind Justice Byron White. According to news reports, O’Connor quietly formed a V with her fingers and held them just above White’s head, making the old “rabbit ears” sign. O’Connor was sending a nonverbal message to everyone who saw the photograph—a message that said, “We don’t take our- selves quite as seriously as it looks.” Nonverbal messages play Nonverbal messages often say as much or more than spoken words. an enormous and often unappre- ciated role in all of our communication. Albert Mehrabian, a professor of psychology at “You see,” says the detective Sherlock Holmes to UCLA, claims that talking is the least important way his somewhat dim-witted assistant Dr. Watson, “but we communicate. What counts most, he says, are you do not observe.” What Holmes means is that the our nonverbal messages. These messages include the best way to understand people is to watch them—to way we sit or stand, how we tilt our heads, our facial notice what they do as well as what they say. expressions, our gestures, and our tone of voice. 78 UNIT 2 Person to Person 1 Body Basics nderstanding nonverbal communication is vital in many ways. It helps us understand, U for example, how others react to us and to our ideas. If someone you are speaking to crosses his arms or legs, you may suspect that he feels threat- ened by what you are saying or disagrees with you. If your listener opens his hands toward you, you may expect agreement or at least a sympathetic ear. People from different cultures may attach different meanings to the same gestures. For example, consider the “hook ’em, horns” sign, made famous by fans of the University of Texas football team. To make the sign, hold up your index and pinky fingers. In Texas this signifies support for the team, but beware: in Italy, this sign is an insult. In Brazil, it means good luck; and among Hindus, it means a cow. Being sensitive to the way different people interpret nonverbal messages can help you communicate more effectively wherever you are. Body language indicates that these people are friends. Knowing something about nonverbal communi- hands on their chins. But while he was saying this, cation can also be helpful when you send messages. he did something different—he placed his own Your physical actions can either reinforce or con- thumb and forefinger on his cheek. tradict what you say. If you feel nervous about Typically, 90 percent of his listeners followed his speaking to a group, for instance, you may avoid actions, not his words. Despite his instructions, they looking at your listeners, lean on the podium, or put their hands on their cheeks just as he did. “In drop your voice to a low mumble. business,” notes Susan Bixler, president of With a little practice, however, you can master a Professional Image, “body language always wins different set of nonverbal habits—mannerisms that out over verbal communication.” will convey confidence and authority. Eventually, Why is body language important? First, because by learning to look confident, you begin to feel people usually remember more of what they see confident. than what they hear, and second, because we have learned that it helps us recognize the truth. When a person’s words and body language are consistent, Body Language we tend to believe that person. When their words Also called the “silent language,” body language and body language say different things, we tend to is the way we use our bodies to send messages. A believe the body language and doubt the words. speaker for Toastmasters International once found Often, complicated feelings spill out in the form of an effective way to demonstrate to an audience body language. If a speaker is having difficulty control- how body language works. He asked his listeners to ling her anger, for example, she might raise her voice place their thumbs and forefingers together (as in or turn away. “No mortal can keep a secret,” noted the OK sign) and then told them to place their Sigmund Freud. “If his lips are silent, he chatters with CHAPTER 4 Nonverbal Communication 79 Walk the Walk ne of the most interesting body movements is the walk. Some have called the way we walk a O“second signature,” because each person’s walk is distinct. The way we walk results partly from body structure, of course, but pace and length of stride seem to change with our emotions. If you are happy, you may move more quickly and seem lighter on your feet. If you’re unhappy, your shoulders may droop, and you may walk as though your shoes were made of lead. Studies show that people tend to like men and women who have a bounce to their walk, swing their arms, and take long, strong strides. In fact, some psychologists say a long stride is such a positive body movement that you can improve your disposition—and make yourself happier—just by taking longer steps. his fingertips.” Even though people can control their • Relaxed posture. Sit comfortably and breathe in a words, and sometimes their facial expressions, there is relaxed manner. Avoid abrupt movements. often a “leakage” of feelings—perhaps in a gesture, a • Arms relaxed. Uncross your arms and hold shift of position, or a tone of voice. Any one of these your hands palms up as a sign of openness. nonverbal signals may help you to interpret the mes- • Good eye contact. Look the other person in the sages you receive. eye, particularly when she or he is speaking. Body language is also remarkably diverse. Mario Look away occasionally to avoid staring. Pei, a communications expert, once estimated that • Nodding agreement. When you nod your head humans produce up to 700,000 different physical at something the other person has said, you signs. The face alone is capable of 250,000 differ- indicate that you agree or understand. But ent expressions. Other researchers have identified don’t overdo it. Continuous head bobbing some 5,000 separate hand gestures and 1,000 kinds usually means that the listener has tuned out. of postures. Clearly, we send messages by a dizzy- • Smiling at humor. This signals a warm personal ing array of nonverbal means. These messages are relationship. fun to watch and challenging to interpret. And • Leaning closer. Reducing the distance between unlike verbal communication, which is intermit- you and a partner, particularly when the other tent, body language is constant. person is speaking, indicates interest is up and barriers are down. Learning to Read Body Language • Using gestures. Talking with your hands indi- Recognizing body language is an inexact art, so you cates involvement in the conversation and must be careful about how you interpret it. A cer- openness to the other person. tain movement or facial expression may be quite For all of these positive behaviors, moderation is meaningful, or it may mean nothing at all. As a the key. When these movements are exaggerated, starting point, the lists below provide common they can become more negative than positive. body language terms and their generally accepted Negative Body Language Most positive gestures meanings. are distal; that is, they are directed toward others. Positive Body Language Certain physical cues can Most negative gestures, on the other hand, are be quite reliable as indicators of positive feelings. Here proximal; they are directed toward your own body. are some things you can do, for example, to signal Negative body language is somewhat less reliable interest in another person during a conversation: as a method for reading another person’s mood, 80 UNIT 2 Person to Person because actions that are generally considered nega- Using Body Language Effectively We nor- tive may just be a sign of nervousness.

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