ALTERNATIVES TO BLAME, POWERLESSNESS, RECRIMINATIONS, AND STUCKNESS IN HIGHLY CHARGED AND ENTRENCHED CONFLICTS
Steve Vinay Gunther 2016 [email protected]
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. - Leo Tolstoy
Introduction I have a number of old friends who live on a spiritual community. After a long period on the community (which has a thriving project), tensions between members devolved to a kind of collective War of the Roses. I spoke with the various parties involved. Everyone had their version of course; and everyone was devastated. The stories I heard from each person of the bad treatment they received were completely edited out by others I talked to. Everyone had their tale of woe, but no one spoke of their own poor actions. Nothing unusual about that. So anyway, I felt sad about the situation, and wanted to try to lever any residual motivation they might have had to do something different. Hence this document. It didnt really seem to have much effect. Spiritual or not, its easier to stay in pain and blame than confront oneself. For anyone interested in confronting themselves through difficult conflicts, I hope this compilation may prove useful. I want to emphasise that what is very particular about what I have amassed here is that any of it can be done unilaterally. You dont need the others to do anything different. You dont have to wait for any kind of change or increased humility on their part. You can just jump in and do this work yourself, now. I have included the cover letter to my friends on the community, to give a little more of the context.
To cite: Gunther, Steve Vinay (2016). Alternatives to blame, powerlessness, recriminations, and stuckness in highly charged and entrenched conflicts. Lifeworks, Mullumbimby.