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Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures

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Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures Douglas Jerrold Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures Table of Contents Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures..............................................................................................................................1 Douglas Jerrold..............................................................................................................................................1 MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES BY DOUGLAS JERROLD............................................................3 AUTHOR'S PREFACE..................................................................................................................................3 INTRODUCTION.........................................................................................................................................4 LECTURE IMR. CAUDLE HAS LENT FIVE POUNDS TO A FRIEND................................................6 LECTURE IIMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN AT A TAVERN WITH A FRIEND, AND IS ENOUGH TO POISON A WOMAN WITH TOBACCO−SMOKE...........................................................................7 LECTURE IIIMR. CAUDLE JOINS A CLUBTHE SKYLARKS. ....................................................9 LECTURE IVMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN CALLED FROM HIS BED TO BAIL MR. PRETTYMAN FROM THE WATCH−HOUSE........................................................................................11 LECTURE VMR. CAUDLE HAS REMAINED DOWNSTAIRS TILL PAST ONE, WITH A FRIEND......................................................................................................................................................12 LECTURE VIMR. CAUDLE HAS LENT AN ACQUAINTANCE THE FAMILY UMBRELLA........13 LECTURE VIIMR. CAUDLE HAS VENTURED A REMONSTRANCE ON HIS DAY'S DINNER: COLD MUTTON, AND NO PUDDING.MRS. CAUDLE DEFENDS THE COLD SHOULDER...............................................................................................................................................15 LECTURE VIIICAUDLE HAS BEEN MADE A MASONMRS. CAUDLE INDIGNANT AND CURIOUS...................................................................................................................................................17 LECTURE IXMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO GREENWICH FAIR......................................................18 LECTURE XON MR. CAUDLE'S SHIRT−BUTTONS..........................................................................20 LECTURE XIMRS. CAUDLE SUGGESTS THAT HER DEAR MOTHER SHOULD COME AND LIVE WITH THEM. .......................................................................................................................22 LECTURE XIIMR. CAUDLE HAVING COME HOME A LITTLE LATE, DECLARES THAT HENCEFORTH HE WILL HAVE A KEY. ..........................................................................................25 LECTURE XIIIMRS. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO SEE HER DEAR MOTHER.CAUDLE, ON THE JOYFUL OCCASION, HAS GIVEN A PARTY, AND ISSUED A CARD OF INVITATION.............................................................................................................................................27 LECTURE XIVMRS. CAUDLE THINKS IT HIGH TIME THAT THE CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE SUMMER CLOTHING..................................................................................................................29 LECTURE XVMR. CAUDLE HAS AGAIN STAYED OUT LATE. MRS. CAUDLE, AT FIRST INJURED AND VIOLENT, MELTS.........................................................................................................32 LECTURE XVIBABY IS TO BE CHRISTENED; MRS. CAUDLE CANVASSES THE MERITS OF PROBABLE GODFATHERS..............................................................................................................35 LECTURE XVIICAUDLE IN THE COURSE OF THE DAY HAS VENTURED TO QUESTION THE ECONOMY OF WASHING AT HOME. .....................................................................................37 LECTURE XVIIICAUDLE, WHILST WALKING WITH HIS WIFE, HAS BEEN BOWED TO BY A YOUNGER AND EVEN PRETTIER WOMAN THAN MRS. CAUDLE.....................................40 LECTURE XIXMRS. CAUDLE THINKS IT WOULD LOOK WELL TO KEEP THEIR WEDDING−DAY. ...................................................................................................................................42 LECTURE XXBROTHER CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO A MASONIC CHARITABLE DINNER. MRS. CAUDLE HAS HIDDEN THE BROTHER'S CHEQUE−BOOK..............................................45 LECTURE XXIMR. CAUDLE HAS NOT ACTED LIKE A HUSBAND AT THE WEDDING DINNER......................................................................................................................................................48 LECTURE XXIICAUDLE COMES HOME IN THE EVENING, AS MRS. CAUDLE HAS JUST STEPPED OUT, SHOPPING. ON HER RETURN, AT TEN, CAUDLE REMONSTRATES.............50 LECTURE XXIIIMRS. CAUDLE WISHES TO KNOW IF THEY'RE GOING TO THE i Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures Table of Contents MRS. CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES BY DOUGLAS JERROLD SEA−SIDE, OR NOT, THIS SUMMERTHAT'S ALL .........................................................................53 LECTURE XXIVMRS. CAUDLE DWELLS ON CAUDLE'S CRUEL NEGLECT OF HER ON BOARD THE RED ROVER. MRS. CAUDLE SO ILL WITH THE SEA, THAT THEY PUT UP AT THE DOLPHIN, HERNE BAY.....................................................................................................56 LECTURE XXVMRS. CAUDLE, WEARIED OF MARGATE, HAS A GREAT DESIRE TO SEE FRANCE. .........................................................................................................................................58 LECTURE XXVIMRS. CAUDLE'S FIRST NIGHT IN FRANCE SHAMEFUL INDIFFERENCE OF CAUDLE AT THE BOULOGNE CUSTOM HOUSE........................................61 LECTURE XXVIIMRS. CAUDLE RETURNS TO HER NATIVE LAND. UNMANLY CRUELTY OF CAUDLE, WHO HAS REFUSED TO SMUGGLE A FEW THINGS FOR HER...64 LECTURE XXVIIIMRS. CAUDLE HAS RETURNED HOME. THE HOUSE (OF COURSE) NOT FIT TO BE SEEN. MR. CAUDLE, IN SELF−DEFENCE, TAKES A BOOK..........................67 LECTURE XXIXMRS. CAUDLE THINKS THE TIME HAS COME TO HAVE A COTTAGE OUT OF TOWN .......................................................................................................................................69 LECTURE XXXMRS. CAUDLE COMPLAINS OF THE TURTLE DOVERY. DISCOVERS BLACK−BEETLES. THINKS IT NOTHING BUT RIGHT THAT CAUDLE SHOULD SET UP A CHAISE..................................................................................................................................................72 LECTURE XXXIMRS. CAUDLE COMPLAINS VERY BITTERLY THAT MR. CAUDLE HAS BROKEN HER CONFIDENCE. ...........................................................................................................74 LECTURE XXXIIMRS. CAUDLE DISCOURSES OF MAIDS−OF−ALL−WORK AND MAIDS IN GENERAL. MR. CAUDLE'S INFAMOUS BEHAVIOUR TEN YEARS AGO...........................76 LECTURE XXXIIIMRS. CAUDLE HAS DISCOVERED THAT CAUDLE IS A RAILWAY DIRECTOR.................................................................................................................................................79 LECTURE XXXIVMRS. CAUDLE, SUSPECTING THAT MR. CAUDLE HAS MADE HIS WILL, IS ONLY ANXIOUS, AS A WIFE, TO KNOW ITS PROVISIONS.......................................81 LECTURE XXXVMRS. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TOLD THAT CAUDLE HAS TAKEN TO PLAY AT BILLIARDS............................................................................................................................83 LECTURE THE LASTMRS. CAUDLE HAS TAKEN COLD; THE TRAGEDY OF THIN SHOES...85 POSTSCRIPT..............................................................................................................................................87 ii Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures Douglas Jerrold This page copyright © 2002 Blackmask Online. http://www.blackmask.com • AUTHOR'S PREFACE • INTRODUCTION • LECTURE IMR. CAUDLE HAS LENT FIVE POUNDS TO A FRIEND • LECTURE IIMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN AT A TAVERN WITH A FRIEND, AND IS ENOUGH TO POISON A WOMAN WITH TOBACCO−SMOKE • LECTURE IIIMR. CAUDLE JOINS A CLUBTHE SKYLARKS. • LECTURE IVMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN CALLED FROM HIS BED TO BAIL MR. PRETTYMAN FROM THE WATCH−HOUSE • LECTURE VMR. CAUDLE HAS REMAINED DOWNSTAIRS TILL PAST ONE, WITH A FRIEND • LECTURE VIMR. CAUDLE HAS LENT AN ACQUAINTANCE THE FAMILY UMBRELLA • LECTURE VIIMR. CAUDLE HAS VENTURED A REMONSTRANCE ON HIS DAY'S DINNER: COLD MUTTON, AND NO PUDDING.MRS. CAUDLE DEFENDS THE COLD SHOULDER • LECTURE VIIICAUDLE HAS BEEN MADE A MASONMRS. CAUDLE INDIGNANT AND CURIOUS • LECTURE IXMR. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO GREENWICH FAIR • LECTURE XON MR. CAUDLE'S SHIRT−BUTTONS • LECTURE XIMRS. CAUDLE SUGGESTS THAT HER DEAR MOTHER SHOULD COME AND LIVE WITH THEM. • LECTURE XIIMR. CAUDLE HAVING COME HOME A LITTLE LATE, DECLARES THAT HENCEFORTH HE WILL HAVE A KEY. • LECTURE XIIIMRS. CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO SEE HER DEAR MOTHER.CAUDLE, ON THE JOYFUL OCCASION, HAS GIVEN A PARTY, AND ISSUED A CARD OF INVITATION • LECTURE XIVMRS. CAUDLE THINKS IT HIGH TIME THAT THE CHILDREN SHOULD HAVE SUMMER CLOTHING • LECTURE XVMR. CAUDLE HAS AGAIN STAYED OUT LATE. MRS. CAUDLE, AT FIRST INJURED AND VIOLENT, MELTS • LECTURE XVIBABY IS TO BE CHRISTENED; MRS. CAUDLE CANVASSES THE MERITS OF PROBABLE GODFATHERS • LECTURE XVIICAUDLE IN THE COURSE OF THE DAY HAS VENTURED TO QUESTION THE ECONOMY OF WASHING AT HOME. • LECTURE XVIIICAUDLE, WHILST WALKING WITH HIS WIFE, HAS BEEN BOWED TO BY A YOUNGER AND EVEN PRETTIER WOMAN THAN MRS. CAUDLE • LECTURE XIXMRS. CAUDLE THINKS IT WOULD LOOK WELL TO KEEP THEIR WEDDING−DAY. • LECTURE XXBROTHER CAUDLE HAS BEEN TO A MASONIC CHARITABLE DINNER.
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