Living in a Time of Momentous Change How the Dartmouth Class of 1967 Met the Challengesof Vietnam, The Human Rights Movement and o Muh lse

1967 2017 Living in a Time of Momentous Change How the Dartmouth Class of 1967 Met the Challenges of Vietnam, The Human Rights Movement and So Much Else John Isaacs, Editor

Sam Ostrow, Class President

©2017 Reunion Book production by David L. Prentice ’69 Publisher of Reunion Books for 25 Dartmouth Classes Malin’s Point 123 Tapp Road Sheenboro, Quebec J0X 2Z0 Canada (819) 689-2865 «[email protected]» «[email protected]»  Produced on Macintosh computers Printed in U.S.A. Table of Contents

Introduction

Living in a Time of Momentous Change: Reflections on an Era and the 4 Dartmouth Class of 1967, by Sam Ostrow, President, Dartmouth 1967

The Times, They Were a-Changin’ — And They Still Are, by James E. Rooks Jr. 7

Momentous Change, Part 1: The Vietnam War

A New Life Across the Border, by Andy Barrie 24

Interview with Paul Beach 30

Reflections on Indochina, by Robert A. Burka 44

Vietnam Veterans and Agent Orange, by Dick Clapp 46

My Vietnam Song, by Warren C. Cook 50

The Impact of Vietnam Upon a Naval Aviator, by Douglas Van Zandt Coonrad 62

A Tale of Two Cities, by Phil Curtis 77

Vietnam: A Defining Issue for the Class of 1967, by Jonathan P. Feltner 80

Impact of the Vietnam War, by John Isaacs 83

The Luck of the Draw, by Robert R. Kugler 89

Wondering Down the “Rights” Side of Life’s Crooked Roads, 92 From Vietnam to the Inner City of Baltimore, by Bill Lamb

Interview with Beirne Lovely 102

Poem: On Being in Vietnam, by Gerald Magonigal 111

Delayed Recovery in the Civilian Male of the Vietnam Era, by John C. Rhead 112

Interview with David Sides 116

Essay About Duncan Balfour Sleigh ’67, 127 For a History Class Taught by Professor Jim Wright, by Annie Oppenheim

Two Vietnam Experiences, by Nancy Smoyer 132

Interview with Cai Sorlien 137

My Year in Vietnam: September 1968 – September 1969, by William J. Thomson 148

CLASS OF 1967 1 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Momentous Change, Part 2: Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, Sexual Orientation, Dartmouth College, and So Much Else

What Happened Since 1967, by Tony Amriati 160

Conscience at the Crux, by Buff Arnold 163

Since Leaving Dartmouth, by Gary L. Atkins 165

Becoming a Father, by Bill Bogardus 168

The Civil Rights Struggle: A Border State ’67 Looks Back 60 Years, by Fred Cowan 169

Confessions from Behind the Lines, by Bob Davidson 175

Momentous Consequence, by Edward Kern 178

Momentous Changes at Dartmouth in the Last 50 Years, by Paul Killebrew 179

My Father, He Wrote Me a Letter, by Paul Killebrew 185

What Has Changed for Women? One Woman’s Thoughts, 186 by Susan Y. Manaras, Mount Holyoke Class of ’68

No Longer Our Daughter’s (nor Son’s) Workplace, by Joanie Millane 188

How I Came to the Momentous Change in My Life, by V. Bruce Pacht 192

Interview with John Steinle 199

Interview with Paul Stetzer 207

Reflections on the Cold War, by Jeffrey M. Zimmerman 220

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 2 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Living Through Momentous Change

Introduction

CLASS OF 1967 3 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Living in a Time of Momentous Change: Reflections on an Era and the Dartmouth Class of 1967 Sam Ostrow, President, Dartmouth 1967

In the summer of 2002, I was in Washington with only his Dartmouth classmates would know them as my son with unexpected free time. I told Adam he did and understand how they had shaped almost that whenever I had time in Washington I would everything he did and experienced ever since. go to the Vietnam Wall and pay my respects to our Finding my commonality with Bill and Duncan and fallen Dartmouth ’67 classmates. Adam insisted we preparing my remarks for that dinner made me go, and when we arrived at the Wall, rather than think more broadly about those things that have hunt for Bill Smoyer and Duncan Sleigh’s names as made the Class of 1967 so close and so special. And, I usually did, I went to where the directory books thanks to my father, I did that thinking in terms of are placed and looked up their locations. I discov- our shared milestones. ered, first, that we were there on the anniversary of Bill’s death. Then I found out that Duncan had We were born as the greatest human-made cata- died on my birthday. My knees buckled. Adam clysm in our earth’s history, World War II, was helped me to the panels, we stood silently in front coming to an end. Our parents — the then young of each, re-walked the entire wall and went to a men and women who struggled through the bench to sit. Depression and then won that war — determined that the world they were going to make for us would Adam asked why, given I had known of their deaths be far different from the one they inherited. for so long, I was so shaken. I told him of the coin- cidences I had just learned. “It is not just their The creation of the United Nations and multiple deaths,” I said, “or even that we are here on the regional security organizations to keep a hard-won anniversary of Bill’s and that I learned that Duncan peace, and the drawing of new borders and spheres died on my birthday. It is that I now know that the of influence to support that goal, began in the closeness of our Dartmouth class is more than just meetings of the “Big 3” as the Second World War something we say. It is real, and I learned that again was brought to its end. And yet, as we were born, this morning in a very sad way.” pressures arising from the imperfect borders being managed by imperfect structures were already build- When, years later, I received the Dartmouth Alumni ing in Southeast Asia and the Middle East, leading Award for service to the College and was asked to to what became “our wars,” the wars that have make remarks at the ceremony at which many of changed the directions of our lives since before we Dartmouth’s senior administrators were present, I wanted to make certain that everyone understood why I do what I do for Dartmouth. I said that while I respected everything that there is to respect about the College and how it has evolved over the years, I serve Dartmouth for a personal reason. I need to repay Dartmouth for the simple act of making me a part of this Class, with whom I have marked so many milestones of our lives together, whose mem- bers have expressed such great support for each other in times of great sadness and great joy and who, together with Judy, Adam, and Rachel, have been for so many (now 50) years, the loves of my life. At that dinner I also recalled a discussion with my father, shortly before he died. I asked him why, given that he had often told me that when he was at Dartmouth in the early ’30s, he had few friends, now, near the end of his life, other than his busi- ness partners, the men he was closest to were the surviving members of the Class of 1935. “It’s simple, Sam,” he said, “together we survived the Depression and then, together, we won a war.” Those were the Jim Wright placing memorial in Vietnam to Duncan milestones of his life, and he was telling me that Sleigh in 2014

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 4 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE graduated from Dartmouth and in each of the 50 Depression and then the Second World War. The gen- years since. eration that fought the Civil War and then used The great human rights movements of our adult the technologies that fought it to produce an lives gathered real momentum and the possibility Industrial Revolution that totally transformed this of success with the sacrifices of Nisei and African- nation were another of which it could be said, “they American troops on the slopes of Italy, and with the lived through momentous change.” And, perhaps, sweat of millions of Rosie the Riveters in the facto- for no generation is that characterization more apt ries of Detroit and Chicago. And yet, as we were than the generation that made and fought the born, racial and gender equality was but a dream American Revolution and then built a government, and the pathways to it strewn with roadblocks. a financial system, and a commitment to “improve- ments” that has made this nation exceptional from The great technological advances that revolution- their day to ours. ized how we do business, communicate with each other and gather and process information began in Why then, does the Dartmouth Class of 1967 the World War II laboratories where codes were audaciously choose to publish this book? We did broken and in the hidden locations where missiles not experience change as dramatic as did the gen- were designed and the secrets of the atom unlocked. erations of the Revolution, the Civil War, and And, yet, as we were born, neither the potential applications nor the risks of these unparalleled tech- We are of the generation that has both nological advances were actively considered. done Big Things and that has taken For each of these momentous changes, we were there the Big Things we were given and at the beginning, and our lives have remained inter- transformed them into acts of great value. twined with their paths ever since, both affected by and actively changing their directions and ours. Sam Ostrow Our generation is not unique to have lived through momentous change. It is also not unique to have World War II. We did not create a country, re-cre- lived through change that has enormous conse- ate a union, or make of ours the one indispensible quences. Our parents certainly had their directions nation. But we did do things that took what we and even their fundamental beliefs shaken by the inherited and transformed our society and our world in ways we could not have imagined when we entered Dartmouth in the autumn of 1963. We are of the generation that made more real than anyone dreamed possible Lincoln’s new birth of freedom, here and throughout the world. We are of the generation that brought participatory democracy to people in Africa, Eastern Europe, Latin America, Asia, and, yes, to states and cities through- out the United States. Our generation fought the world’s first wars to sustain and defend democratic political ideals — no matter how imperfectly realized — and not to claim territory. We supported our sis- ters, our wives and our daughters as they became truer partners and leaders in our businesses, our institutions, and our governance. We took the tech- nological advances that originated in World War II and made them into the Internet, treatments to eradicate diseases and into images from Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto as the spacecraft we made raced past them on their way to further galaxies. In all of these and more, there were ’67s and their part- ners intimately and powerfully engaged. Their sto- ries are here. We are of the generation that has both done Big Things and that has taken the Big Things we were given and transformed them into acts of great value. From the time of our graduation we have been shaped by events — the Vietnam War, the CLASS OF 1967 5 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the Voting Rights Act of 1965; Ms. Magazine, women admitted to Dart- mouth, and the Equal Rights Amendment battles; the first steps on the moon; the first and second oil embargoes; more Middle East wars than we can count; the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon; the election of our nation’s first African-American president. But, as important as were the events — and this list is hardly exhaustive — is how ’67s — and their partners — participated in the events and in transforming the events into great work that has had important implications to indi- vidual lives and to society as a whole. Again, those stories are here. From the antiwar movement or military service to 1965 March on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, Selma, addressing how defense and foreign policy issues Alabama are developed and resolved; from protesting injus- tice to working in our businesses, institutions, and We have been a community, too, in great joy. From social organizations to respond in real life to the watching man’s first steps on the moon in shadowy requirements of statutorily guaranteed equal rights; black and white to seeing live and in living color from watching a television broadcast from the moon the fall of the system we knew as “the enemy”; to holding in our hands mobile devices with over from being happily shaken by the fireworks for our 100 times the computing power of the devices Nation’s Bicentennial to being stirred by the global used on those missions; from watching in horror as celebration of a new millennium; from living from the twin towers fell, to working to develop the the time of Roosevelt and Churchill’s Four Freedoms strategies and technologies to protect against further to a time of growing freedom in our country and attacks while preserving the liberties so important throughout the world — we have celebrated as one. to our national character — this ability to transform We have been as one in more personal ways as momentous change into works of value has been well. From the quiet joys of running into a class- the achievement of our generation, and members of mate at the market, to reading of another’s achieve- Dartmouth’s Class of 1967 and their partners partic- ments in a magazine; from toasting the joys of ipated in every one of them. parent and grandparenthood, to comforting those But there is one thing more. who have suffered private tragedies greater than any of us should know; from discovering that our fathers, As you read these essays and thoughts from ’67s, too, were lifelong Dartmouth friends, and to learn- you will be struck by the diversity of experience and ing what friendship and brotherhood really mean viewpoints; the varying degrees of passion years as we grow, change, and value each other more. later on the issues over which we fought, sometimes as friends, sometimes in genuine anger; and by the As One. This book recalls our lives as we have differing levels of certitude about what it all meant lived them, in so many ways together, bound by and whether, as the pace of change in our world our shared experience at Dartmouth, bound by the accelerates, it means anything at all. ways in which that experience shaped our relation- ship to the world we inherited and remade, and There is, however, something very central to every- bound ultimately to each other and the enduring thing that is written here, something exceptionally and devoutly personal to the over 800 men who conversation that has been so important to each of started this conversation now over 50 years ago. us. It is a book that shares our triumphs and failures, our causes won and lost, our joys and our sorrows. From the shared shock and mourning early in our It recalls those who have gone before, and it tells the freshman year for a President not much older than story of all who will inevitably join them in mem- we, to the joined grief for those of our Class who ory. As the tablet in our Class of 1967 Memorial died in our first war; from knowing together the Grove reads: inside joke that the early deaths were but an aberra- tion, to the universal knowledge that all of us will As one with the granite of New Hampshire. die; from being born as the mass graves of Europe As one with the hill winds. were found, to passing into a later age as new mass Dartmouth’s Class of 1967, graves were being created in New York, Washington, As One. and in the broader world — we have cared for each Safe Home. other as one. And that, above all, is what makes us truly special.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 6 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE The Times, They Were a-Changin’ — And They Still Are James E. Rooks Jr.

The nature of man is such that departures from the weren’t. There were nine planets. Race and gender accustomed routines come only by effort and often were accepted as immutable, determinative facts. with difficulty. We shrink from change. We argue Life expectancy in the U.S. was about 70. Heart for what is and view with apprehension the possi- transplants, genetic engineering, DNA mapping, bility of what is not. stem cell technology, cloning, and the Higgs boson — Ernest Martin Hopkins in 1917, were still in the future. On the first day of Freshman addressing the Class of 1921 Week the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 738.46. Starbuck was a character in Moby-Dick. * * * * Those were some of the “objective” facts. But there In 1959, about the time we were beginning high were also some less settled matters related to war, school, the comic singer Tom Lehrer (by day an MIT civil rights, racial diversity, the status and rights math professor) recorded a funny song about the of women, and concerns about the environment. chemical elements. He sang all of their names, very I suspect that most of us had not yet begun to con- fast (“argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, nect the dots among the news stories of the day to and rhodium,/chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tung- foresee the enormous changes coming, which would sten, tin, and sodium …”). You get the idea. He eventually affect almost all of us. ended as follows: If we had, we might have noticed that the U.S. mil- These are the only ones of which the itary had been in Vietnam in small but growing news has come to Hahvahd numbers since the 1950s. The first official American And there may be many others, but casualties in Vietnam occurred in 1959. In 1962 they haven’t been discahvahd. 11,000 Americans were serving there, and by the end of 1963, 200 had died there. Here’s a sample of He was right. When he wrote the song the Periodic what was going on just during the summer as we Table had 102 elements on it. By the time we start- prepared to leave for college: ed Dartmouth there were 103. Now there are 118! I’m sure you can see where this is going.

In September of 1963 … … the United Nations had 113 member states. Nelson Mandela had recently been imprisoned, and would be there until 1990. Research was done with books, often in libraries; math was done on slide rules or with a piece of paper and a stubby pencil. DNA was known, but black holes and global warming were not. Plate tectonics was new, even though the plates

Note: In this essay I attempt to describe changing conditions at Dartmouth that I observed while a student, from September 1963 through June 1965, and later from January 1970 through June 1971. To connect the two periods, and to extend them through the inauguration of coeducation and the end of the war in Vietnam, I consulted, inter alia, historical material about the administrations of Ernest Martin Hopkins, John Sloan Dickey, and John G. Kemeny, as well as articles published in The Dartmouth and the Dartmouth Alumni Magazine (hereinafter “DAM”). Statements and quotations that are not merely my own observations or opinions have been verified in those or other publications.

CLASS OF 1967 7 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE school seniors. Freshman week began on September 16. There were 824 pictures in the 1967 Green Book — which was white, not green. The average annual tuition, room, and board came to less than $2,930.

The Spell: Boyz 2 Men Dartmouth always looked to me like a place where boys went to become men. I think the male environ- ment, plus the outdoorsy orientation, combined to create some of the “spell” that’s often mentioned in connection with Dartmouth. I believe most of us felt it and embraced it early on. The Spell had many sources, and it came from ’way back. It was- n’t clear if it could apply to girls, who were mainly dates and girlfriends. We backpacked over New Hampshire hills, scrambled up 4,000-footers, and bonded at the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge, which was certainly an important source of the Spell. Ross McKenney told stories about the intrepid woodsman Jean Baptiste. Bruce Pacht led songfests while we were there, and he remembers the guys in his bunkhouse staying up until 4:00 a.m. telling bawdy jokes. We heard John Sloan Dickey’s welcome talk, in which he spoke of what he called “Place Loyalty” — shorthand for the President John Sloan Dickey speaking to Freshman glue that held the College together through thick Trippers at the Moosilauke Ravine Lodge. and thin. Dickey also urged us to take the high road in life, though he conceded that, “If you want to In June a Buddhist monk immolated himself in go the route of a lout [pronounced rowt of a lowt], a Saigon street as a protest against the perse- I’m sorry to say you can find some company here cution of Buddhists by the Catholic regime of at Dartmouth.” Ngo Dinh Diem. President Kennedy promised After we returned to campus for Freshman Week, at civil rights legislation and urged “the kind of our first “class meeting,” we heard Professor Francis equality of treatment that we would want for Childs’s memorable college history lecture, which ourselves.” George Wallace stood in a doorway focused on three Dartmouth men: Eleazar Wheelock, at the University of Alabama to protest the Daniel Webster, and William Jewett Tucker, with the admission of two African-American students. central theme of what “the character and power of The next day, NAACP Mississippi field secre- a single man” can do. An obvious question was, tary Medgar Evers was murdered. “Are we Dartmouth Men now?” The moderator, In August the first nuclear test ban treaty Bruce Nickerson, chairman of Paleopitus, assured was signed by the U.S., the U.S.S.R., and the us that we were not — not yet. But after we left the U.K. James Meredith graduated from Ole meeting and strolled across the Green to Webster Hall Miss. Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. JFK authorized support for a coup against Diem, leading to Diem’s assassination. In September, the first African-American stu- dents registered at desegregated public schools in Alabama. A Baptist church in Birmingham was bombed; four girls died, and 22 others were injured. With all that going on, we started college. For most of us, probably the first privilege we ever earned was to be admitted to Dartmouth by Admissions Dean Eddie Chamberlain from a pool of about 4,000 high President Dickey signing a matriculation certificate

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 8 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Dartmouth was a masculine paradise where some roughness and vulgarity were allowed—even expect- ed. (As our Class President Sam Ostrow has noted, it was like a boys’ camp with 3,000 campers, and, “five days a week, there was nobody to be polite to.”) Dickey expected us to take responsibility for ourselves, to a degree, but the College also expected to be able to exert some control over our behavior. We had many weighty things on our minds. We wanted to build world-class football-game bonfires and a great Winter Carnival ice statue. We were frustrated by the cancellation of several bonfires because of forest fire danger. When the time came for the annual tug-of-war, which the freshman class Freshman Week usually won, extra upperclass participants turned up and we lost, which meant we were to keep on for a kind of pep rally, and heard Dean Seymour wearing our ’67 beanies. To convey our disappoint- tell us, “I welcome you as Dartmouth Men,” there ment, we hosted a riot. Some guys burned their were loud cheers. We rehearsed the College songs beanies (perhaps inspiring later bra-burnings?) and and cheers, led by the Injunaires and the football trashed the freshman dining room in Thayer Hall. cheerleaders and assisted by the Freshman Handbook. After the rioting subsided most of us got down to If Dartmouth looked “the way a college should look,” work. We went to class. We did homework. We as President Eisenhower said in 1953, I thought hung out in the Top of the Hop on weekends and Dickey looked the way a college president should sang folk-ish songs with Bruce Pacht. look. He was tall and august-looking, with a boom- Most of us began to get a sense of what Dartmouth ing voice (“Dart-mahth”), and what looked like a could offer by way of intellectual and social experi- six-foot stride. The College’s General Information Bul- ences: in-person contacts with world-class scholars; letin quoted him saying that Dartmouth was “com- access to a very large library; a constant supply of mitted to the liberating arts as the surest means ‘for concerts, exhibits, and outside speakers (including the liberation of men from both the meagerness Governor George Wallace of Alabama, who was and the meanness of mere existence.’” At our first treated politely, if not enthusiastically; the picketers Convocation, for the first time we heard JSD give wore jackets and neckties). There were also other his annual start-of-the-year exhortation: opportunities not provided by most high schools And now, Men of Dartmouth, as I have said (like skiing, rock climbing, canoeing, and student before: First, you are citizens of a community workshops for making snowshoes, kayaks, and and are expected to act as such; Second, you pledge paddles). The computer revolution was right are the stuff of an institution, and what you are around the corner: Professors Kemeny and Kurtz it will be; Third, your business here is learning. were working furiously on the computer “language” We’ll be with you all the way, and good luck! called BASIC (Beginner’s All-purpose Symbolic

The tug-of-war … … and the ensuing riot

CLASS OF 1967 9 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 1960, in which Yale discovered that a number of its students had had sex in dorms with a certain New Haven teenager. Dartmouth students were called into 105 Dartmouth, where Dean Seymour advised them that, “If any Dartmouth student is caught having sexual intercourse with a woman in a Dartmouth building, he will be expelled.” The rule was phrased carefully: presumably it would apply both to dormitories and other College buildings, but not to the golf course or the famous Dartmouth Out- O’-Doors. And one had to be “caught.” (Apparently, one also had to be straight.) The rule was coarsely translated and handed down to our class three 1963 Convocation years later as, “If you’re in, you’re out.” There were some other things going on, like class- Instruction Code), which was close to its roll-out. es. A major development was the Dartmouth Time I was shocked at how smart other freshmen were, and Share System, giving students access to computers by the broader knowledge of the world many had. via programs written in BASIC. The old commons in Partying was ramped up from high school. The College Hall was divided into cubicles and teletypes drinking age in New Hampshire at that time was were installed to communicate with the mainframe. 21, which made it important to get to know some seniors. Experience with drugs other than alcohol Summer 1964: Civil Rights and the Tonkin Gulf seemed remote — certainly to me. Smoking, however, As absorbing as all of this was, there were a few was widespread: President Dickey and Dean Seymour other things we could think about if we were so smoked cigarettes. There were ashtrays and cigarette- inclined. Congress passed the Civil Rights Act of vending machines all over campus. 1964 on July 2, outlawing racial discrimination in On November 22, John F. Kennedy was assassinated. some situations. Students from Dartmouth and The next day, Bob Dylan opened a concert with numerous other colleges traveled South during the what may have been his first public performance summer to tutor young kids and assist with voter of “The Times They Are a-Changin’.” registration drives, and some (including 1967’s Paul Stetzer and Roger Daly) were attacked and beaten 1964: Sex and the Single Girls by angry white citizens. We were adolescents. Sex was on many minds, but Vietnam. While those salutary efforts were under- experience varied widely. For some, being away from way, The Best and the Brightest had plans that came home meant that, for the first time, we could be to affect most of our lives in one way or another. together with girls in rooms that had locks on the During the summer of 1964 the Tonkin Gulf Inci- doors. Negotiation with roommates was important. dent occurred on August 2. The USS Maddox, col- After all, this was Dartmouth, of which Dorothy lecting electronic intelligence off the coast of North Parker had said, “If all the girls at the Dartmouth Vietnam, acquired a bullet hole. It provided a pretext Winter Carnival were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be for expanding the U.S. military presence in Vietnam. surprised.” Stores in Hanover did a brisk business in On August 7 Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin green-and-white banners with racy legends like this:

This was a couple of years before the Supreme Court, in Griswold v. Connecticut, recognized the Constitu- tional right of privacy (which included the right to use contraception), and many years before Roe v. Wade secured the right to choose pregnancy termi- nation. A Main Street shop called Edith’s was often visited on Friday mornings. For its part, Dartmouth acted in loco parentis. There were parietal hours for female visitors, and the cam- pus cops made spot checks. Dartmouth clutched in the aftermath of the notorious “Suzie Incident” in Students (John Kornet ’67 at left) using the computer

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 10 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE any consideration whatsoever of race or religion,” but that did not diminish Dartmouth’s whiteness appreciably. About the time we arrived, Dartmouth began a purposeful effort to increase minority admis- sions. Despite its founding as an “Indian” school, Dartmouth had produced fewer than 20 Native American alumni during its first two centuries. An effort to bring the education of Native Americans back to Dartmouth was begun during the Kemeny administration. The year 1965 saw major developments on the civil Ski school in operation rights front, both on and off-campus. Dartmouth’s chapter of Students for a Democratic Society (SDS), Resolution in lieu of a formal declaration of war. focusing on civil rights, was founded during the By the end of 1964, there were 23,000 U.S. troops 1965–66 school year by the Political Action in Vietnam, and 216 more had died there. Committee of the Dartmouth Christian Union. 1965: Diversity and Race Relations On March 7, 1965, the Selma-to-Montgomery civil rights protest marches began. Sheriff Jim Clark On Aug. 28, 1963, the March on Washington for directed a force of Alabama state troopers and vol- Jobs and Freedom had been held, and Martin Luther unteer “posses” who attacked demonstrators, some- King, Jr. delivered his famous “I Have a Dream” times with cattle prods. On the same day (March 7), speech. We were certainly aware of racial issues, yet James Baldwin and William F. Buckley, Jr., debated I suspect that for most of us our personal involve- at the Cambridge University Union. The proposi- ment with African-Americans was limited, and tion was “the American Dream is at the Expense of Dartmouth was blindingly white. And for all of its the American Negro.” The New York Times published admirable qualities, Dartmouth had a complicated their speeches, and I thought Baldwin made a pow- past on matters of ethnicity and diversity. It has erful moral statement: been amply demonstrated that Eleazar Wheelock (and many other college presidents and other promi- Sheriff Clark in Selma, Ala., cannot be dis- nent colonials of the time) both owned and traded missed as a total monster. I am sure he loves his slaves, and that the slave trade helped to finance the wife and children and likes to get drunk. One rise of American higher education. has to assume that he is a man like me. But he does not know what drives him to use the club, In 1963 there were no visible signs of the school’s to menace with the gun, and to use the cattle early connections to slavery — but there were hard- prod. Something awful must have happened to ly any visible signs of African-Americans at all. The a human being to be able to put a cattle prod 1967 Green Book showed all of four black class- against a woman’s breasts. What happens to mates (four-tenths of one percent of the class)—Mel the woman is ghastly. What happens to the Boozer, Robert McLean, Aubrey Willacy, and man who does it is in some ways much, much Frank Mwine — and there were comparable num- worse. Their moral lives have been destroyed bers of black upperclassmen. I recall reports in The by the plague called color. Dartmouth during freshman year that, in one inci- dent, a couple of African-American sophomores The motion supported by James Baldwin was carried were turned away from a fraternity house during by a vote of 544 to 164. rush, and, in another, an African-American student Vietnam. By 1965, students and faculty began to who tried to reserve a room for his weekend date show their colors on the war. The Undergraduate was told by the home owner that she “didn’t want Council (UGC) sponsored a debate on the war among a colored boy using the room.” five faculty members. ROTC became a major focus of There had been other race issues. At least during anti-war activities, as it represented “the Pentagon the Hopkins administration, there were ethnic and in College Hall,” but a straw vote held by The Dart- religious quotas for admission purposes, including mouth showed students and faculty still supporting limits on the number of Jewish students. President U.S. Vietnam policy by a margin of three-to-one. Hopkins acknowledged them publicly in a New York French professor emeritus Ramon Guthrie became Post interview, saying that “Dartmouth is a Christian one of the intellectual leaders of Dartmouth opposi- college founded for the Christianization of its stu- tion to the war. Guthrie was also a poet, and at the dents.” When John Sloan Dickey became president, end of a poetry reading he gave in Sanborn House, he instructed the Dean of Admissions that “he as a protest against the expansion of the war, he wished the freshman class to be selected without packed up the Silver Star Medal he had received

CLASS OF 1967 11 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE better venues for entertaining dates and to ensure dependable access to large amounts of alcohol. We competed with other fraternities in numerous activi- ties and partied enthusiastically. More full-body con- tact ensued. My house had a basement room called “The Pit,” which was dimly lighted (or unlighted) and lined with padded benches. Feeling ran high. So did drinking. Some students cheerily wrote “Hangover, N.H.” in the return addresses of their letters. I’m sure all of us knew some guys who seri- ously overdid it. But I never heard of anyone being transported to the hospital because of intoxication, and I didn’t personally see alcohol use leading to any activity that didn’t appear to be consensual (though some did lead to unplanned parenthood). As frivolous as fraternity life usually was, it had some fine moments as brothers developed more responsibility through running their own organiza- tions and finding their own moral compasses. I was proud of one of my brothers who short-circuited a suggestion that we keep a certain member from meeting prospective pledges, and of another who entered a one-act play competition with a piece about the excesses and occasional cruelties of the fraternity Rush process. 1966 student prank Campus Activism and Dissent from General Pershing for valor in World War I and mailed it to President Johnson. Guthrie was disgust- Channels for student activism continued to devel- ed by LBJ’s frequent wearing of a miniature Silver op. The Afro-American Society was founded “as a Star ribbon. Johnson was awarded the Silver Star for means to improve the academic excellence of black flying as an observer on a single bombing mission students on campus,” and it still exists today. One during WWII, while he was a Congressman. Guthrie, of its early activities was to bring prominent African- in contrast, got his medal for extensive service as a Americans to campus to speak. Another center of pilot, flying numerous combat missions. activism was SDS, which organized civil rights and anti-war protests, and a third was the student At the end of August, the Gallup Poll began asking movement for greater influence in College decision- interviewees if they thought it had been a mistake to making, for instance in the area of social life. Despite send U.S. troops to fight in Vietnam, and 24 percent the peaceful, constructive purposes, Dean Seymour said it had. By the end of 1965 there were 184,300 said he felt that “a spirit of ugly belligerence” had U.S. troops in Vietnam, and 2,344 had died there arisen, and President Dickey deplored “a mounting — the great majority (1,928) in that year alone. … rejection… of the role of authority.” For its part, Collegius Interruptus. My first two years at Dart- The Dartmouth complained of what it saw as Dickey’s mouth were lots of fun — so much so that, in June increasing remoteness from the students. 1965, I was advised by Dean Seymour that I really Vietnam. In April, General Lewis B. Hershey, the needed to do something else for a while. He recom- long-serving director of the Selective Service System, mended military service. I was suspended for two arrived on campus to speak. There was picketing, years, but I enlisted in the army for four years and and disruption was feared, but he was treated polite- became a Czech linguist. I was away from Dartmouth ly and was described by the DAM’s “Undergraduate for 4½ years. Chair” columnist as “a nice old man.” In November, 31 percent of those queried told the Gallup Poll that 1966: Fraternities and Alcohol sending troops to Vietnam was a mistake. By the When our class arrived on campus there were 24 end of 1966, the U.S. military presence in Vietnam fraternities. In the fall of 1964 a majority of us had risen to 389,000, and the death toll to 8,694 joined one or another of them to improve our social — including 6,350 that year. Among them was lives, bond with groups smaller than 800, and get the first Dartmouth casualty: naval aviator Bruce to know students in other classes. Oh — and to have Nickerson ’64, the Paleopitus chairman who told

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 12 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE us that we were not yet “Dartmouth men.” On April Part of the “active participation” took the form of 22, he failed to return to his ship, the USS Kitty Hawk, student agitation over the parietal system, perhaps after a mission. inspired by the tactics of the civil rights and anti- war protesters. Considering what was at stake, it was 1967: Leaving the “Easy Chair” hardly as high a priority. Yet behind it certainly Student activism over a number of issues increased, lurked an essential question: the extent to which and campus visits by political figures reflected the students and their female visitors had the right to change. On May 3, George Wallace was back in make their own choices, and Dartmouth may have Hanover, and he got a very different reception from lagged behind the rest of the country in that area. that in 1963. Wallace was heckled, but he finished The Committee on Administration responded with his speech. As he was leaving Webster Hall, however, a flat “No” to a proposal that students might have he was surrounded by students who rocked his car female guests stay in their rooms “for not more than and pounded on its roof. Dean Seymour told our a few days.” class during a 25th reunion lunch that at one point Vietnam. In December, 45 percent of Americans were he saw a Wallace bodyguard begin to reach inside telling the Gallup Poll that having American troops in his jacket, possibly preparing to draw a weapon. Vietnam was “a mistake.” By the end of 1967, the Seymour sent Wallace a telegram, saying, inter alia, U.S. troop level in Vietnam stood at 463,000. The “I assure you that this College stands on the prin- death toll increased by 11,363 to 20,057. Among ciple that a man’s opinions, however unpopular or them were another four Dartmouth men. controversial, deserve a free and unobstructed plat- form. As Dean of Dartmouth College I am ashamed 1968: “Greeting” and I convey my apologies to you.” The full facul- In 1968 it seemed to me that the world was coming ty asked the UGC to draw up guidelines for con- apart around me. In January the USS Pueblo and its duct “consistent with free expression and active crew were captured by North Korea. The Tet offen- participation in issues confronting Dartmouth and sive began in Vietnam on January 30 and lasted our society.” until March 28. In February, Walter Cronkite closed Following the Wallace incident, the College moved a post-Tet news report by saying, “it is increasingly the ROTC’s annual Armed Forces Day observance clear to this reporter that the only rational way to the football stadium, with police and state troop- out … will be to negotiate — not as victors, but as ers standing by. At the end of the academic year, an honorable people who lived up to their pledge The Dartmouth wrote in an editorial that “… the to defend democracy, and did the best they could.” College community has left the easy chair from On March 31, President Johnson ended his candida- which it once viewed life and become an active par- cy for re-election. On April 4, Martin Luther King, ticipant in the world around it.” Jr., was assassinated. Negotiations to end the war in Vietnam began on May 10. On May 17, the “Catons- ville Nine,” Catholic activists led by the Reverends Daniel and Philip Berrigan, entered a draft board office in suburban Maryland and burned hundreds of draft records with homemade “napalm.” On June 5, Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated. On August 20, Warsaw Pact military forces invaded Czechoslovakia, crushing the “Prague Spring” reform movement. During the Democratic Party convention in Chicago, anti-war protesters were attacked in what an inves- tigating commission later called a “police riot.” On November 5, Richard Nixon defeated Hubert Humphrey by less than one percent of the popular vote, with an assist from George Wallace. Once the Class of 1967 left college, non-student sta- tus began to get the attention of draft boards around the country, and the 1968 abolition of first-year grad- uate school draft deferments interrupted many graduate and professional school plans. Many mem- bers of the Class were receiving “greetings” from their Draft Boards, and some were, in Arlo Guthrie’s immortal words, “injected, inspected, detected, 1967 Commencement infected, neglected and see-lected.” Other ’67s had

CLASS OF 1967 13 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE purposefully sought out military service through who had served as a U.S. Ambassador in seven dif- ROTC or OCS programs, and some of their stories ferent countries, wrote “An Open Letter to the appear in other sections of this book. Also document- Dartmouth Class of 1968” in the July issue, in ed are anti-war activities of some classmates, includ- which he said, “What you cheered was falsehood ing Paul Stetzer and Paul Beach, the latter of whom disseminated from the haven of academic freedom. served two years in prison for refusing induction. Disloyalty masquerading as free speech.” Other (It didn’t interfere with his later admission to alumni wrote of “complete revulsion,” and of being medical school and his long subsequent career pro- “not very proud” of Dartmouth, and asked “what viding health care to underserved populations.) in hell is going on up there?” However one alum, Vietnam. U.S. troop strength in Vietnam reached a parent of a graduating senior, wrote, “I was really its peak of 536,100 in 1968, but the Tet Offensive very proud of my college for providing a platform had demonstrated graphically the fragility of the for the kind of outspoken serious criticism of our U.S. position. In August, 53 percent told the Gallup society that I heard that weekend.” Poll that sending troops to Vietnam had been a To its credit, the DAM published Newton’s speech mistake, and the disapproval rate stayed above 50 in its entirety in the July issue, with a sidebar by percent from then on. The loss of 16,899 more men the editor, defending not only its publication but killed in action in 1968 brought the death toll to also the freedom accorded to Newton to give it in 36,956. Four of them were Dartmouth men, includ- the first instance. “Freedom of thought and speech,” ing Billy Smoyer ’67, a Marine lieutenant killed he wrote, “is a difficult and thorny business in col- on July 28, two weeks into his tour, and Duncan leges as elsewhere, but an ever-present risk must be Sleigh ’67, a Marine platoon commander who died embraced in preference to a repugnant censorship.” in action on November 6 while shielding another In November, the SDS turned from protesting Marine from enemy fire. against ROTC to picketing Army recruiters on cam- The Infamous 1968 Commencement pus. There was a physical altercation at College Hall, and the recruiters filed criminal charges. Two stu- As if to show that Dartmouth, too, was capable of dents were fined and given suspended jail sentences. cataclysm, the 1968 College Commencement drew Others were charged with violating the College’s massive, nationwide attention. In his valedictory, guidelines on dissent. In November, in a referendum Jamie Newton ’68, a Quaker pacifist, denounced the on student government, more than two-thirds of war and the conditions that, he believed, led to and supported it. His speech was wide-ranging, touching on poverty, racism, and other social ills in addition Kemeny’s message at his first Commencement to the war, and his language was blunt: was broader: “Men of Dartmouth, all mankind is your brother, [T]he Vietnam war is a colossal stupidity, a vast international atrocity, and an expensive lesson and you are your brother’s keeper.” in the futility of modern aggressive imperial- ism—for, thank God, we are losing that war. those casting ballots voted to abolish Paleopitus and The battles we claim to be winning have the Undergraduate Council, leaving Dartmouth with moved from the countryside to Saigon itself, no functioning student government. where we feel forced to “protect” the people by firing rockets and cannons at their homes Girls 2 Women: Groping Toward Coeducation …. Take the path that seems appropriate for David Brooks, the New York Times and Public Broad- you. It may be conscientious objection, draft casting System opinion journalist, has observed resistance, or escape to a country of greater that “[t]he transformation of the role of women is freedom in the north. the biggest event of our lifetime. It’s the biggest Newton was booed by some in the audience, but he transformation after thousands of years of human got a standing ovation from most of his class. He had history to getting closer to equality on that front.” pushed many buttons, especially with the remark It is undeniable that the roles of women have about losing the war, which implied not just a first- changed dramatically in our lifetime. In just one ever U.S. military defeat but also the deaths of thou- symbolic example, during the 1960s women in sands of American servicemen — including some large numbers began wearing trousers on a regular Dartmouth men, like Billy Smoyer and Duncan basis. That shocked some men in positions of author- Sleigh. His speech became front-page news, from ity, like judges and headwaiters. They must not have the Manchester Union Leader to the Columbus Dispatch noticed that women had been “wearing the pants” and on upward, and it led to an outpouring of let- in all kinds of situations since time immemorial. Now ters to the DAM. A career diplomat, Ellis Briggs ’21, it’s not unusual to see women occupying positions

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 14 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE of major authority and influence, from the Supreme Court, to universities, to the State Department, to large corporations, to whole national governments — whether or not they’re wearing trousers. As of the time of this writing (August 2016), there’s only one really big job no woman has ever held—you know the one I mean. Now women just need to be paid the same as men if they’re doing equal work, don’t you think? In 1968 Dartmouth and other colleges initiated a Some of the Parkhurst Occupiers student exchange program, and it brought the first significant number of females (about 60) to Dart- included McGrath, Nash, Roos, Stockmayer, Laing, mouth as real students — but this time they were Doenges, Throop, Perrin, Bien, Huke, Ehrmann, called women. They dove into most Dartmouth Erdman, Masters, Spitzer, Snell, Scott-Craig, Kidder, activities — acting in plays, climbing mountains, Regosin, Ugarte, and Arndt. skiing, and staffing the first coed Dartmouth foot- ball cheerleader corps. In class they were a match The 1969 Commencement (or more) for the “regular” students — which was not surprising, considering the highly selective The 1969 commencement procession was the last schools most of them came from. The exchange one led across the Green by John Sloan Dickey and program still operates. Thaddeus Seymour. Thad had announced at the beginning of the 1968-69 academic year that he Among the exchange students was Meryl Streep, from would be Dean for one more year, rounding out Vassar, who spent the fall 1970 term at Dartmouth, ten years on the job, and would return to teaching taking drama courses. She later told a Daily D inter- English. But during the year he was named presi- viewer that she considered the Dartmouth students dent of Wabash College, to take office on August 1. more assertive than her classmates at Vassar, and He got a big send-off from the faculty and the senior she said she took some of that approach back to class, which presented him with a Dartmouth oar Poughkeepsie with her. (symbolizing his leadership of the College rowing program) with their autographs on it. 1969: The Parkhurst Occupation The commencement ceremony itself, which was the The debate over ROTC and other objects of protest kick-off of the College’s bicentennial celebration, came to a head during John Sloan Dickey’s last full was less infamous than the preceding one, but it year as President, and he made plans to respond to had a modicum of excitement. SDS had planned any “radical activism” that might rear its head, a demonstration, but it was rained out, and the pro- “promptly, firmly, and humanely.” Although the ceedings were suspended for a half hour and moved faculty had voted to end course credit for ROTC to Leverone Field House. The principal speaker was participation, some 75 students (and at least one of Nelson Rockefeller. About 30 students turned their our classmates) occupied Parkhurst hall on May 6. backs on him when he spoke. He acknowledged They evicted Dickey, Seymour, Al Dickerson, and them and suggested that they might at least sit others from the building and nailed the front doors down while facing away from him, so that others shut. Dickey got a court injunction. The occupiers could see him! Who else but Nelse? were removed by state troopers after 12 hours. Most were tried in Grafton Superior Court and were fined The 1969 senior valedictorian, Kenneth Paul, was $100 and sentenced to 30 days in jail (not suspended). more cautious than his predecessor Jamie Newton. He deplored the fact that Newton had been “cursed, Shortly after the Parkhurst occupation the College ridiculed, and threatened by fellow Dartmouth alum- Trustees abolished ROTC, effective in June 1973. ni” after his speech, but he called the recent occu- Concern over the war continued, however. The pation of Parkhurst Hall “illegal” — which it may DAM’s June issue featured (as a paid advertisement) have been, after all, since it damaged the building an open letter to the College about the war from and landed the occupiers in jail. He counseled that emeritus professor Ramon Guthrie (the poet with the Silver Star). He quoted retired Marine Corps Com- [n]o progress will be made without mandant David Shoup, who had defined the war attention to the responsibilities of every as a conflict between “crooks in Saigon and the member of this community. We need Vietnamese nationalists seeking a better life.” The desperately to respect each other again. letter was cosigned by 133 other respected faculty We must proceed without personal or members. Names that might be recognized by ’67s generational rancor … .

CLASS OF 1967 15 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Dickey gave his last “valedictory to the seniors” and in question, and Jonathan Mirsky, the first profes- said for the last time to a graduating class, “And now sor of Chinese, who was vehemently opposed to the word is ‘so long,’ because in the Dartmouth fel- the war, and often spoke and wrote to that effect. lowship there is no parting.” The closest the Government department had to a At the beginning of the 1969-70 academic year, the conservative voice was Vincent Starzinger. Nowadays Dean’s Office was occupied by Carroll W. Brewster he would be expelled from the Republican Party for — a lawyer, Yale Law School lecturer, United States being too moderate! He wrote and spoke pointedly Commissioner in New Haven (a judicial office that but eloquently, once asking students if they really is now called U.S. Magistrate Judge), and, at one thought Herbert Marcuse would not have sentenced time, the legal advisor to the Chief Justice of Sudan. Socrates to drink hemlock. But he also thought the He had a quiet, gentlemanly demeanor, and he soon 30-day jail sentences handed out to the 1969 fell under the Spell himself and showed a fun side. Parkhurst occupiers were excessive. The Psi U brothers nicknamed him “Brew Deanster” The students still seemed very smart, but less mature and made him an honorary brother. — maybe because I was four years older than the By 1969, the nationwide shifts in social and sexual seniors? They had worse manners than those I remem- mores arrived in Hanover, and the Trustees finally bered — or maybe they were just more assertive. Once granted “home rule” to dormitories, in effect abol- in a Government class an instructor said something ishing College-controlled parietal hours. It was an like, “90 percent of Americans are satisfied with important step forward at Dartmouth for both men their government.” A student challenged him to and women. provide evidence, and the instructor retreated. Vietnam. In September, 58 percent of Gallup Poll The presence of women on campus was a big interviewees called sending troops to Vietnam “a change. It appeared that the Spell might apply to mistake.” Under President Nixon’s program to them after all. They were smart and assertive. They “Vietnamize” the war, U.S. troop strength dropped also added a lot to the performing arts, which had to 475,200, but 11,780 more men died, bringing never before had a large pool of female participants. the total to 48,736. The dead included three more There were new extracurricular activities. I avoided Dartmouth men. Death was not the only bad out- most in order to concentrate on improving my come in Vietnam, of course, and that applied to the GPA, but I did try teaching an elementary Czech Dartmouth men there. Our classmate Jon Feltner course in the new Dartmouth Experimental College. was badly wounded twice, and Pete Barber ’66, In other ways, life was similar to my first time around. who was recognized as the outstanding athlete of The stadium was full for football games, and the his Dartmouth class, was injured in combat and team won the Ivy title and was undefeated in 1970. left a paraplegic. Good sportsmanship still appeared to be the rule. On December 1, 1969, the Selective Service held a There were still 24 fraternities, and they still had a lottery to establish a draft priority for all those born lock on social life for the upper classes, but more of between 1944 and 1950. Those with a high num- them were “going local.” DKE became Storrs House ber no longer had to be concerned about the draft. and eventually turned into a parking lot. DU became the coeducational Foley House, but it dissolved 1970: Button-Down Gives Way to Tie-Dyed itself in 1971. Chi Phi became Heorot. TEP went local in 1970 and became the Harold Parmington After my release from the Army, I returned to cam- Foundation. Phi Gam (FIJI) had seceded from its pus in January 1970. I had gotten married while national fraternity in 1965, and adopted the new I was in the service, and my wife Corry and I lived name of Phoenix, but it, too, dissolved in 1971. in Lebanon. Concern about the war appeared to have eclipsed all other topics. After spending two Let There Be Hair — Beards Included years in Germany without television, on a steady Stars and Stripes news diet, I watched a film in a “You don’t wear your hair as long as the other Government class about the violence surrounding undergraduates,” a doctor at Mary Hitchcock said the 1968 Democratic Convention. I was shocked at to me one day. what I saw, and at what had happened in the U.S. When I got back to Dartmouth a whole lot of stu- while I was gone. dents had long hair. Meryl Streep once told an inter- Most of my Government professors had a liberal viewer that when she was an exchange student at bent, but most of the assigned reading was far from Dartmouth, the male students, viewed from behind, radical. As far as I could tell, the closest Dartmouth could be mistaken for Vassar students. Seeing long had to dyed-in-the-wool radical faculty were a hair really ticked off some older people, and it was youngish Economics professor who described him- at least an occasion for comment. During a Govern- self as a Marxist and whose tenure prospects were ment lecture by Prof. Dick Sterling, a student noted

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 16 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE During this year, you will hear the voices of those who have lost faith in man’s ability to improve his institutions. You will be told that the road to change is through confusion, through confrontation, and through coercion. These are the voices of doom. Do not listen to them. If we can avoid the traps that these voices present, you have my solemn promise that in a year of peaceful and constructive debate we can bring about decisive change.

May 1970: the Student Strike On April 30, President Nixon announced an “incur- sion” into Cambodia, purportedly to clean out sanctuaries used by the enemy. Protests erupted all John G. Kemeny receiving the Wentworth Bowl, a over the country. The demonstrations were vocif- symbol of the Dartmouth presidency, from John erous, and some became violent. They culminated Sloan Dickey in the killing of four students and the wounding of with approval that a certain political figure made no nine others by National Guardsmen at Kent State moral judgments about people’s hair length, and University on Monday, May 4. Sterling shot back, “Do you make some connection Kemeny was concerned that Dartmouth, which between hair length and morality?” until then had been comparatively peaceful and I had a theory that the long hair was being used to constructive in its protests, could turn violent as disguise ugly heads, but that could have been sour other campuses had, and he felt he had to take grapes, because, while the students’ long hair was action. He had been holding weekly news confer- coming in, my hair was going out. As an experiment, ences with student reporters on Monday nights, and I let it grow as long as I could. On just one day, it he went on the air at WDCR at 8:30 and announced was long enough for me to see its shadow flapping the Kent State killings. In many cases, Dartmouth in the breeze when I was backlighted by the sun. students, who were gearing up for Green Key week- Then it was sayonara. end, first got the news of the deaths from Kemeny. He spoke for a half-hour. In a later oral history inter- I don’t remember seeing any disabled students at view he said, “In a very real sense, I feel that I fully Dartmouth during my first two years (which may assumed the duties of President of Dartmouth Col- say more about me than it does about them), but lege in the half-hour between 8:30 p.m. that Mon- there was a blind student in the Class of ’71, whom day and 9:00 p.m.” Following his radio appearance I often saw on campus. Another ’71 served as his he made a decision to cancel classes for the com- guide, and to keep from getting separated (I assume), ing week to facilitate discussion and allow tempers they unselfconsciously held hands as they walked. to cool. Now Dartmouth has an organized system of support for students with disabilities. Unsurprisingly, William Loeb, the right-wing publish- er of the Manchester Union Leader, who had antago- After my return I knew or met about a half-dozen nized Dickey for being too liberal, published a students who had left Dartmouth (or Dartmouth front-page editorial titled “Dartmouth Buys Another had left them) and had gone into the military and Lemon.” Students made lemon-themed tee shirts served in Vietnam, including ’67s Bob Packer (an and posters, and a group of faculty gave Kemeny a artillery lieutenant), Jim Ebert (an enlisted infantry- miniature lemon tree. man), and Ranse Bostley (a Special Forces sergeant). The week ended with Green Key weekend. The John G. Kemeny Youngbloods performed at Leverone Field House, and Kemeny spoke during an intermission. At the For both its short- and long-term effects, I believe end of his speech he tossed lemons into the crowd. the most important Dartmouth event of 1970, and Some were recovered by students and were brought possibly of the decade, was the inauguration on back to him to be autographed. March 1 of John G. Kemeny as the 13th member of Dartmouth’s Wheelock Succession. Kemeny brought The week-long hiatus at the College after Kent State major intellect to the office, and his inaugural was either the high point or the low point for Dart- address, delivered in his crisp, scholarly European mouth and the war. The College had gone from accent, included several prophetic statements, being unaware of the war, to avoiding the war, to including the following: trying to stop the war, and now it halted its core

CLASS OF 1967 17 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Jackson State College in Mississippi. More than 350 campuses across the country were shut down by strikes and other demonstrations by more than four million students. Corry and I were hardly rabid protesters, but we attended the initial strike meeting on the Green and raised our hands to signify support for the strike. Thereafter, there were many ways of participating. Some students published a strike newsletter. There were “teach-ins,” lectures, musical performances, and plays. Native American students, who saw sim- ilarities between Vietnam and the “Indian wars,” produced Arthur Kopit’s play Indians, which centered on the Buffalo Bill “wild west” show. Others can- vassed door-to-door, inviting local residents to talk about the war. Some left the campus, went home, and spoke at schools, churches, civic organizations, and alumni clubs. I did some of that. I organized a small group of stu- dents, much younger than I, to go to the Common in Lebanon and speak with residents. We all wore jackets and ties. A couple of people we spoke with were receptive, but a local business man jabbed a finger at me and said, “I like my country the way it is now, not the way you college boys want to make it!” I got a warm welcome at my secondary school The initial strike meeting on the Green … in Pennsylvania. I went to a meeting at the Dart- mouth Club in Philadelphia, where the response was activities to concentrate on nothing but the war. By varied. I got some push-back at my parents’ church, the end of the week, after consulting with faculty, where one neighbor walked out of my talk. Another students, and Trustees, Kemeny reached a decision: quoted something from the Readers Digest, and I gave classes would resume the next week. Students who him a sarcastic answer. I later sent him a note to wished to continue as before were free to do so — apologize, and he wrote back, saying “We all care finish courses, take exams, get conventional grades, about the loss of life in Vietnam, on both sides.” and receive credit for successful course work. Stu- I was humbled. I heard one story of a student whose dents who wanted to follow other pursuits (anti-war parents threatened to stop supporting his education or not) could drop any or all of their courses. They if he joined the strike. An Episcopal chaplain tried would receive no grades, but would be awarded to intercede for him; I didn’t learn the outcome. credit toward graduation for each course — with a notation on their transcripts that the courses had not been completed. After the decision to grant cred- it for uncompleted courses, Professor Bill Slesnik, who was teaching my math course, said he expected that the opportunity to get credit without course work would be abused, but that he didn’t mind, because “I don’t exactly approve of the Vietnam war.” Indeed, one of my fraternity brothers dropped all of his courses and got a job raking sand traps at a golf course on Cape Cod. I needed every high grade I could get in order to apply to law school, so I went back to class. Our Class’s 1963 riot was about a tug-of-war and whether or not to wear beanies. The ’69 takeover of Parkhurst Hall was about ROTC and Vietnam. The 1970 student strike was about Vietnam, Cambodia, Kent State, and (less-often mentioned) the police killings of two young men at the historically black … and the strike “vote”

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 18 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE There was considerable faculty involvement. The If you think it was satisfying having a Dartmouth faculty were, after all, hearing of the deaths of some diploma placed in your hand after four years, try it of their promising former students. One of my Gov- after eight! Commencement weekend was truly ernment professors, Denis Sullivan, started an orga- memorable, and it was definitely part of the “new” nization called “Continuing Presence in Washington” Dartmouth. The war touched many parts of it, (CPW), which opened a lobbying office in DC as a including the coincidence that it was held on the base for lobbying for an end to the war. Unfortu- same day on which the New York Times published nately, CPW closed down somewhat before the war the first of its “Pentagon Papers” articles. did. Another of my professors, Larry Radway, made Aegis yearbooks were distributed ahead of the big up bumper stickers like this: day, and I was shocked to see that more than 200 seniors had opted out of having their info in the book. In a quiet indicator of change on campus, the Camera Club’s Aegis page consisted simply of a soft- grain picture of the derrière of a nude female model. I never saw or heard of any violence in connection On Class Day, one senior interpreted the Dartmouth with the Dartmouth strike. Not every student agreed experience in song, with a guitar accompaniment. about the war or the strike, but everyone I saw on He ended with, “I’m proud to have Dartmouth next both sides was pretty respectful. I never heard any- to my name/And I’ll come back again if they keep one identify himself with SDS. The Dartmouth Review it the same!” The official Class of ’71 speaker, Willie did not yet exist. Young Americans for Freedom had Bogan (a star footballer, a Rhodes Scholar, and one a chapter by 1971, but I don’t know if it existed in of 16 African-American students in the class), spoke 1970. The closest thing to property destruction that about why Dartmouth still was not a single commu- I saw were graffiti on a temporary fence at a con- nity: “Our love too often is conditioned love, bound struction site between the Tuck and Thayer Schools by time. It is love of institution, love of race, love of that went something like this: nation. There is an absence of a more universal love.” Workers — seize the means of production! At the Commencement ceremony itself, honorary Women — seize the means of reproduction! degrees went to Gunnar Myrdal, Budd Schulberg, Students — seize the means of education! Bert Bacharach, and Ramon Guthrie (he of the Peasants — seize the lands! Silver Star), among others. One graduating senior Campus visitors/speakers/performers during 1970-71 wore a dress. Another wore jeans and a tee shirt and were very similar in character and quality to those had a bongo drum slung over his shoulder. Some during our first two years: Gunnar Myrdal (1971 seniors wore indicia of their membership in the Commencement speaker); Stephen Spender; Adam Afro-American Society. Yarmolinsky; Zbigniew Brzezinski; Roger Hilsman; The principal Commencement speaker was Nobel Ogden Nash; Emlyn Williams, reading Charles Laureate economist and sociologist Gunnar Myrdal, Dickens in Spaulding Auditorium; Buckminster who denounced the war as “illegal, cruel and Fuller; Saul Alinsky; and film critic Judith Crist. immoral.” A speaker representing the 50-year class, At the end of Commencements John Sloan Dickey former Navy secretary John L. Sullivan ’21, deplored had always said, “And now the word is ‘so long,’ the end of ROTC and the prospect of coeducation. because in the Dartmouth fellowship there is no Kemeny responded eloquently, quoting Ernest parting.” Kemeny’s message at his first Commence- Martin Hopkins’s words at the top of this essay. ment was broader: “Men of Dartmouth, all mankind When it was time for diplomas, and the blind senior is your brother, and you your brother’s keeper.” are and his guide walked across the stage together, hand- He appeared to be living that philosophy. He had in-hand as usual, the whole Baker Lawn erupted in kept the College open, and together, and peaceful. applause, obviously recognizing the huge feat of get- No police clubs had been swung at Dartmouth. ting through Dartmouth without vision. The bongo Vietnam. In late May 1970, the Gallup Poll’s “mis- drummer pounded his drum vigorously. It was one of take” figure stood at 56 percent. At the end of the the most remarkable moments (among many) that year the troop count stood at 334,600, and the num- I can remember from Dartmouth. When my turn came, ber killed in action had grown by 6,173 to 54,909. it was an extra privilege to be handed my diploma The dead included another Dartmouth alumnus. by Al Dickerson — the only remaining member of the Dickey/Seymour/Chamberlain administration 1971: “All Mankind is your brother” whom the ’67s had known, and a unique individual. In 1971 things were more peaceful and organized. In his own valedictory to the graduating class, I did almost nothing but study. Kemeny said, “I think your class has seen more

CLASS OF 1967 19 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE turmoil and change of mood on campuses than women’s battle for acceptance was just beginning, any class in the history of higher education … . and it wasn’t going to be easy. [I]t seems to me that you were a different class in I never owned one of those “When Better Women each of four years … . [Y]ou fought on three major Are Made …” banners, but I think the ones that are issues: you tried to change the values of society on left should be cut up and re-assembled as follows: war, on racism, and on saving of the environment. And on those three issues, the majority is now with you … .” He continued his challenge from the previous year (and all other years): “Men of Dart- mouth, all mankind is your brother, and you are your brother’s keeper.” The Endgame in Vietnam I was outta there. I had finished Dartmouth four While I was starting law school American service- years late, but I had a much better record — and men were still fighting in Vietnam — and it looked education — than I would have had if Thad Seymour like some were just going through the motions. In had let me stay. May 1971, the Gallup Poll’s “mistake” figure reached 61 percent. By the end of 1971, 2,414 more troops Postscript 1971: Girlz 2 Dartmouth Women had died, bringing the total to 57,323, with the Everybody seemed to understand that coeducation overall troop strength down to 156,800. The dead at Dartmouth was only a matter of time, but they included yet another Dartmouth alumnus. may not have understood how little time it would In November 1972, Richard Nixon defeated George be. As brilliant a mathematician as John Kemeny McGovern by a landslide, but the Watergate bur- was, I think the most important math problem he glary and cover-up doomed his presidency. Annual ever solved was 3+1=4. Under the three-terms-per- Vietnam casualties continued to drop, to 759, and year system that existed when he took office, the the troop strength to 24,200. The Paris Peace Accords long-discussed shift to coeducation wouldn’t have were signed on January 27, 1973. The Gallup Poll’s been feasible without reducing the number of male “mistake” question response held steady at 60 per- students (which would have made alumni howl) cent. Official casualties dropped to 68 in 1973, and or building new facilities (which would have been to “just” one in 1974. There were 61 more deaths expensive and time-consuming). But if the College in 1975 (the year in which Americans were evacu- moved to 12-months-a-year operation, with stag- ated from Saigon), and another seven after 1975, gered student attendance (which became known as bringing the official total to 58,220. The last two “The Dartmouth Plan”) and lots of off-campus Dartmouth names were added to the casualty list in programs, there would be space for an extra 1,000 1972. For the College, their losses personified the students. It was a little like juggling, with one ball electrifying rhetorical question John Kerry asked the always in the air. Many of the extra students could Senate Foreign Relations Committee in April of be women, no alumni son would be excluded just 1971: “How do you ask a man to be the last man to to admit a female applicant — and, with the neces- die for a mistake?” sary dorm rooms already in place, the switch could happen almost immediately. Vietnam stopped being a war and became a subject of endless argument, second-guessing, and acade- When the Trustees were approaching their ultimate mic inquiry — as with Dartmouth President James vote on coeducation, I wrote to their chair, Charles Zimmerman, telling him I thought they should ignore the alumni and just do the right thing. He wrote back very politely, saying that they needed to listen to all constituencies. After they took their vote on November 21, 1971, I called WDCR to ask how the vote went, and I opened a beer to toast the result. Starting with the fall of 1972, there were real Dart- mouth women, and starting with the 1973 Com- mencement, Kemeny changed his farewell message to “Women and men of Dartmouth …” (pronounced “Vimmen und Men off Dartmuth”). It had been less than 10 years since the Class of ’67 had started college and coeducation was consummated. The battle to get women to Hanover was over, but the The big news

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 20 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Wright’s Vietnam War history seminar, two of whose $65,000. The applicant pool is over 20,000 high members researched the lives of Duncan Sleigh and schoolers, and 51.6 percent of the students admit- Billy Smoyer. ted to the Class of 2020 self-identified as “students of color.” Is There Always Momentous Change? Many of the changes have been contentious. Just There have been plenty more changes, both for the issues that come to my mind most immediate- Dartmouth and for the larger world, since the 1970s. ly, as someone who thumbs through each issue of As of July 2016, there are now 118 elements on the the DAM, have been, in no particular order: the periodic table (not counting the little particles like full implementation of coeducation; the retirement the Higgs Boson that whiz around and crash into of the Indian symbol; free speech and civility; endow- each other). There are 192 United Nations member ment divestment proposals; progress on diversity; states. Research can be done, pictures taken, email allegations of sexual assault and hazing; the role of sent, purchases made, and political scandals created fraternities and sororities; the College budget and — all on smartphones. Apparently there were only the proper uses of its money; attempts to change the 8 planets after all — sorry, Pluto. Life expectancy is social climate; race and gender issues; the role of about 78 years. In August of 2016 the Dow has alumni in College governance; etc., etc. already reached over 18,600. Our whole notion of race has been seriously questioned by the anthro- Thinking back to what President Hopkins said in pologists. Two concurrent wars have lasted over 10 1917 to the Class of 1921 freshmen (quoted at the years each. beginning of this essay), a case can probably be made that we’ll always find change happening at It would take an entire book to describe just the Dartmouth and in our larger lives. changes particular to the College. For instance, the sticker price for a year at Dartmouth is now over The changes continue … but Her Spell on us remains.

CLASS OF 1967 21 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 22 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Living Through Momentous Change

Part 1 The Vietnam War

CLASS OF 1967 23 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE A New Life Across the Border Andy Barrie

He’s the one who gives his body as a weapon for the war, for being “well-rounded,” then the current flavor and without him all this killing can’t go on. of the decade in admissions throughout the Ivy The Universal Soldier, Buffy St. Marie League. I certainly had no idea that my first week in college and a faraway war would together shape I applied to Dartmouth purely on the strength of every dimension of my adult life. a three-day visit in my senior year in high school. I was born in Baltimore, Maryland, and when I was My older brother Jeff had graduated four years ear- seven, we moved to Yonkers, New York. Only min- lier from The Citadel in South Carolina and imme- utes from Manhattan, my parents became keen fans diately was given a commission, the beginning of of Broadway and included me whenever they could. a 20-year career in the military. He advised me to join ROTC. I’d receive a small stipend, and I’d already shown signs of wanting to be a per- although I’d have to spend three years in the mili- former. I staged puppet shows, had a magic act, tary rather than two, as an officer I’d have a much and went on to win most of the lead roles in Wig better experience. & Whiskers, my high school drama club. This was 1963. Vietnam was in no way on America’s At a small summer camp in Maine, I got my first mind, and I readily accepted his advice. real test as a communicator before a highly critical audience. Given the job of waking up the camp When I arrived in Hanover, I immediately signed up every morning over the loudspeaker system, I’d set for ROTC. At the very first session, my eyes were my alarm clock for opened to the reality of the military mind and its seven, dress while my devotion to the Chain of Command. Each link in cabin-mates slept, and that chain was subordinate to the link above. As make my way to the the newest and lowest link, I would have to learn camp office. Reveille, unquestioning obedience to The Chain. the wake-up bugle I’m not sure I knew the word “martinet” then, but call, came from a I certainly saw its meaning in the eyes of the upper- scratchy old 78 rpm class ROTC members who took the shine on my Andy Barrie with his first record. Then I’d go on shoes way more seriously than seemed possible. announcing job the air, so to speak. This blind submission seemed antithetical to every- I’d play one 45 RPM thing college was supposed to be. What about ques- record and read the ball scores, which I’d pinched tioning received wisdoms? from a real radio station. No recording of this After a few sessions, I quit. Whoever it was I resigned exists, but the fact that I was allowed to survive the to was the first among many to warn me that my summer suggests that I couldn’t have been all bad. failure to get with the program would indelibly If I had any sense at all of a goal in life, it was to stain my future. discover the right arena for my various talents, and Fast-forward to April 1966 and the arrival on cam- coming off a boffo performance of Romanoff and pus of Gen. Lewis B. Hershey, then the Director of Juliet at about the time I made my trip to Hanover, the Selective Service, the U.S. draft. By this time, it looked liked theater would by my chosen vocation. Vietnam was on all of our minds, politically and of The Hopkins Center in 1962 was brand new, and course, personally. I was dazzled by its orchestra pit that could be made But these were early to disappear, a very small number of audience seats days. Protesters out- so that student productions would have to be per- side the Hopkins formed many times if everyone was to see them and Center wore jackets a computer-controlled (by punch-cards) lighting and ties, and Hershey system. This, as much as anything, sealed the deal. received a generally Some context: Growing up in the 1950s, I was your polite reception. completely conventional kid. I’d gone nowhere, Spaulding was shown no interest in politics, devoted myself to no jammed. Most of us cause. Nevertheless, I was elected president of my were there to learn class and represented my school at Boys’ State. The about the various point is that these were very undemanding times. deferments that might My grades were OK, but I probably won my place keep us out of the Gen. Lewis Hershey

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 24 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE war. I remember very little of the ground Hershey and he really is to blame; covered, but I do remember, viscerally, the question- His orders come from far away no more. and-answer period that followed. They come from him and you and me, The first questioner asked why the rest of the coun- and brother, can’t you see try should remain committed to a war that our gov- This is not the way to put an end to war. ernment clearly couldn’t contain. I began paying serious attention to the war, where Hershey’s answer went something like this: it came from, and where it was taking my country and possibly, me. “You must remember that the President is not only our Commander-in Chief — he’s also like a On my next trip home, I picked up a conscien- quarterback in a football game. You don’t replace tious-objector application at my local draft board. the quarterback in the middle of the game merely Traditionally, if you weren’t a Quaker or a member because a few of his plays don’t work. Next question?” of some other religious sect that forbade participa- tion in war, you were out of luck. I would so love to learn whose voice it was that shouted out: “Oh yeah? Well let’s hear it for Hitler, But the courts had recently held that a firmly-held Himmler, Goebbels, and Goering, whose brilliant ethical position could qualify an applicant as a teamwork gave us 6 million touchdowns!” conscientious objector. In practice, only faith- based applicants were granted 1-O status and per- Bedlam erupted, and I experienced a true epiphany, mitted to fulfill their service as civilian teachers, a pivot-point that shaped the rest of my life. nurses, etc. It’s been said, since, that the instant a debater After three hearings, my draft board granted me attempts to compare some contemporary evil with 1-AO status. This meant I could be drafted at any the Holocaust, all reasonable discussion is over. time, but once in the military I would not be given But in the 1960s, that comparison still had real weapons training. Instead, all 1A-Os were trained as resonance, especially when it came to blindly fol- hospital corpsmen or battlefield medics. lowing orders; a defense clearly rejected at the Nuremberg Trials. At the end of senior year, I went right to work at WCCC in Hartford, Connecticut, quickly moving Meanwhile, my early interest in a career in theatre on, first to an all-news station in Baltimore and then had cooled. I’d roomed with Jerry Zaks sophomore to Washington, D.C., working for Metromedia’s new year, and I quickly realized that I had none of the FM station, WASH. I had my own five-day-a-week devotion to the stage that was to win him acclaim program, when in April 1969, I got my draft notice. on Broadway years later. Shipped off to Fort Sam Houston, I managed to get I was spending less time at the Hop and more at through Basic and went on to train as a medic. But Robinson Hall. I saw in WDCR a chance to learn in its wisdom, the Army decided to take advantage an art and craft I could shape into a serious career. of my broadcast experience by assigning me to the I wasn’t sure I videotape training unit at Fort Sam. I hoped that if had the sta- I did a really brilliant job, I’d be given permanent- mina to wait party status at Fort Sam, allowing me to get through years, as Jerry my three years without having to confront my mis- did, for success. There could be eons between good givings about Vietnam. parts, while in radio I could be on the air every day, record myself, and use the tape as my feedback I did exactly that: I created a scheduling system loop. Plus, I would never lose out on an audition that was so efficient it eliminated two positions in because I didn’t ”look the part.” our unit. Unfortunately, one of them turned out to be mine. There were no courses in journalism at Dartmouth then. My Dartmouth education would be invalu- The war was chewing up lives by the thousands, able throughout my career, but it was my extracur- and many of the medics I trained with were winding ricular time at WDCR that gave me the chance to up in body bags. In the late summer of 1969, the make all my mistakes in a safe place. Pentagon spat out my orders: Specialist 4 Andrew Barrie, was to report, on 23 December, to Fort My personal anthem for my newly-formed paci- Lewis, Washington, for shipment to Saigon to serve fism was as a medic. He’s the one who gives his body I had long known that I would not go to Vietnam, as a weapon of the war, in any capacity whatsoever. I got an appointment and without him all this killing can’t go on. with Col. Charles Pixley, the commanding officer He’s the Universal Soldier at the Medical Training Center (and future Surgeon

CLASS OF 1967 25 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE General of the United States Army). I’d received a Jeff knew the war was a lost cause. He didn’t want his commendation for my work in the video unit, and brother to be among the last to die before a cease- the officer in charge wanted to hang on to me. If fire was called. If the only way to stay out of that I couldn’t get my orders changed, I told Pixley, I hellhole was to leave the country, he was all for it. would desert. So what could I do? Sweden, I knew, was welcom- “Son,” he said, “First of all you are not a deserter ing war resisters by the hundreds. Mary Cone, my until a military tribunal says you are; till then you future wife, had lived six months in Stockholm on will be AWOL [absent without leave].” a high school exchange and spoke some Swedish. Pixley said there was nothing he could do, shook As far away as it was, it was at least a possibility. my hand, and wished me good luck. As he dealt Canada was accepting thousands of draft-dodgers, with hundreds of C.O.’s every month at Fort Sam, but as we’d been warned many times at Fort Sam, I’m certain this wasn’t the first time he’d run into AWOLs were being turned back at the border. someone like me. The brass at Fort Sam got it wrong. In April 1969, Anyone under orders to Vietnam was given a three- the Liberal government of Canadian Prime Minister week leave, “to put your affairs in order. “ Back in Pierre Trudeau, under enormous political pressure New Jersey, in my parents’ home, the advice came from the United Church of Canada and the politi- flooding in. Some Boston lawyers suggested I stay cal left, announced that military service in an put, go limp, and refuse to be moved. I might, Applicant’s home country would have no place they admitted, be put in the stockade for a couple whatsoever in Canada’s immigration policy and months, but they would soon plea-bargain me out henceforth questions having to do with military of the Army. service were forbidden at the border. In Manhattan, there was a psychiatrist whose con- There were many reasons why Canada, the United tribution to the antiwar movement was to write States’ biggest trading partner, would take a posi- letters predicting a mental breakdown should the tion so opposed to its next-door neighbor. Canada Army send his patients into combat. had just celebrated its centennial in 1967 with a My brother, who had already served two years in huge wave of nationalist feeling, an emotion always Vietnam, told me I’d probably be able to talk tinged with anti-American resentments. myself into a job at the Army radio station once Aiding and abetting resisters was cast as a sovereign- I was in Saigon. The film, Good Morning Vietnam, ty issue. “Why,” many Canadians asked, “should we wouldn’t be made for another decade, but you get be put in the position of enforcing American laws?” the picture. Finally, this would amount to the largest brain-gain in Canadian immigration history. The average edu- cational level of the 100,000 American men and women who entered Canada during those war years was amazingly high. I was hardly alone. The American Friends Service Committee (the Quakers) quickly saw to it that this information reached soldiers at U.S. Army bases all over the world. As a consequence, I and thousands of other GIs made our way to Canada. On December 23, 1969, the day I was supposed to report to Fort Lewis Washington for shipment to Vietnam, Mary and I piled into my VW and point- ed it north. The night before I had explained to Mary’s father that the next day I would be leaving the United States, possibly never to return, and that once I was settled, his daughter was planning to join me. In a letter to my parents weeks later, Dr. Cone described his absolute horror on hearing our plans. Descended from survivors of the Irish potato famine, he was then a professor of pediatrics at Harvard, but he had had spent most of his career as a Navy Andy Barrie and Mary Cone medical officer.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 26 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Although he opposed the war, he told my parents in his letter, it was unthinkable to him that I would abandon a country that so many people around the world were so desperate to get into. His military service had begun with America’s entry into WWII, when deserters could be, and were, shot. I’d be a pariah for the rest of my life, he wrote, and Mary would be dragged down with me. Mary’s mother was a descendent of the Elder William Brewster, the spiritual leader on the Mayflower. Brought up in Quaker schools, Mrs. Cone also knew that her Pilgrim ancestors were the conscientious objectors of their day, and they faced many more perils than would her daughter and I. Canadian border station In a strange way, I even have the war to thank for the woman who would become my wife. In April If you’ve ever traveled by car to Canada, you’ll know of senior year, there was a huge anti-war rally in you see no officials at all until you’re already on Manhattan’s Central Park. A high-school friend Canadian soil. So, on the northern side of the bor- was at Sarah Lawrence, just blocks from my home der that runs right through the middle of Derby in Bronxville. Line, Vermont, we found the single Canadian bor- der officer snoozing at his desk. I joined a car-full of women heading into NYC, and one them I was told later, was quite taken with the Waking him up, we volunteered that we were on guy with the deep voice from Hanover. So taken was our way to a ski holiday. (He hadn’t asked, but the she, my friend said, that if I could manage another cover story we never needed had to be told.) visit, a “sure thing” awaited me. Sure Things were “Have a good time,” he said as he waved us on. rare in the lives of the men of Dartmouth, one of the last all-male colleges to admit women. And that was it. The following weekend found me in the dining Talk about anti-climax. I rolled the car a few more hall at Sarah Lawrence, waiting for my assignation. feet into the promised land, got out, and kissed Apparently, S.T. was running late, so I struck up a the ground. conversation with one of the women at the table. Montréal was still a good two-hour drive away. Mary The conversation led to a local bar, my date for the had promised her parents a family Christmas. We evening stood-up and forgotten. Very bad behav- drove right to the airport, where she caught a plane ior, I know, but I hope our 39 years together offers to Boston, and I went into the city alone. some redemption. That week, in many ways, was the most amazing of By December we were all but engaged. Mary’s par- my life. I really was in a different country, not at ents did their best to wish us Godspeed. As we all the “theme park version of the U.S.” I’d been headed north, I saw Boston disappearing from my told about. It became quickly clear that everyone’s rearview mirror and wondered if the city would worst fears for my future were unlikely to come true. ever see me again. By Christmas Day, I’d found a place to live, splitting I’d never been to Canada and had no idea what the a $9-a-week room near McGill University with a guy situation at the border would be. The Berlin Wall I’d met in a coffee shop. That week I sought out the was all I knew about the borders of countries dissi- top radio station in Montreal and wound up in the dents were trying to escape from. I thought that office of the general manager, one Mac McCurdy. like the East Germans, we would have to be let out I’d already decided that I’d make no effort to conceal of United States before we’d be let into Canada; that my status, so when he asked what brought me to we would be stopped by American military police Montreal, I said I’d deserted from the US Army to stay who would “demand our papers.” out of Vietnam, expecting a trap-door would open, This was going to be northern Vermont’s version depositing me back on sidewalk. But without skip- of Checkpoint Charlie. I was actually prepared to ping a beat, Mac asked my age, marital status, etc. gun my engine and barrel through any obstruc- Only later did I learn that he himself was a WWII tion. As absurd as this might seem now, neither veteran, training pilots for the RAF in England. my four years at Dartmouth nor Mary’s at Sarah Lawrence prepared us for the mindset of refugees Mac asked me to audition that day. I was told my on the run. American accent was too strong. I would have to

CLASS OF 1967 27 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE work on it. By April, my “outs” sounded sufficient- did attempt to track down a few AWOLS, only to ly closer to “oots” that I could be safely offered the be reminded by the Mounties that the Bureau’s munificent sum of $75 a week, to do the weekend authority did not extend into Canada. all-night show on CJAD. While the war raged on, I had the eye-opening I read voraciously. I learned about the pros and cons experience of daily absorbing the news from the of parliamentary government and went to work on perspective of a not-so-foreign country. As I recall, my French, after risking near death on-air by pro- there was no real debate in Canada over whether nouncing the last name of Montreal hockey player MyLai and Kent State were atrocities, just a mixture Rocket Richard like Richard Dreyfus pronounces of anger and sadness over the slide into chaos “the his first name. States” were enduring. All of this so exceeded my expectations that to this As far as I was concerned, whatever social contract day, I still have a difficult time believing it. that existed between myself and the country of my In the fall of 1970, the October Crisis, as it was birth was severed. I had no interest in Gerald Ford’s called, rocked Canada to its bi-cultural roots, begin- offer of amnesty, a bone thrown to the American left ning with the kidnapping of a British trade officer, after Ford granted a full pardon to Richard Nixon. the murder of a Federal cabinet member, and the Jimmy Carter offered another, with few takers (for eventual escape to Cuba of the Quebec separatist which I had a chance to at least express my appreci- extremists who had carried out the plot. ation when I interviewed him in Toronto years later). Martial law was invoked. Soldiers were on every Then, in 1975, the American Friends Service Com- street corner, tanks rumbled in the streets. And less mittee put out the word that the Army was quietly than a year after arriving in Montreal, during the discharging all of the Vietnam deserters, a story I’ve worst constitutional crisis in the Canada’s history, never seen told in the U.S. media. I was promoted to host the mid-morning show on I flew down one weekend, turned myself in at Fort the city’s most listened-to station. Dix, New Jersey, had all my hair cut off, was issued The broadcast environment in Canada was entirely fatigues and combat boots. Again, I was under the different from what I’d known. The U.S. was the control of the U.S. Army. They put me in a locked only first-world nation where radio from the begin- barracks with 30 other guys from Canada. ning had been a business, selling listeners to adver- One was a lawyer. One was an apple farmer in B.C. tisers. The alternative models, were no private radio We were all Canadians. We all came down together at all, like the BBC in the U.K., or a mix of public to the Army so we could travel freely again to the and private, which was the case in Canada. The CBC United States. Three days later, Dishonorable Dis- was patterned after the “Beeb.” charge in hand, I was out. They actually paid me The BBC had been founded, without apology, to because I had deserted on December 23 and never raise the cultural and educational level of the lower got paid so they gave my $126 — whatever I made classes. It was seen, not as business, but as a service a month in the Army with interest added. to the people, much too important to be subject to The barracks where I and 30 other returnees were the profit motive. The CBC took on this role as billeted that weekend had a Coke machine with a well, with the additional challenge of offering an sign that warned “Canadian quarters not accepted.” alternative to the American programming pouring over the border. As far as the dishonor was concerned, I never kept my status a secret, but I can’t recall more than a I had been massively over-educated for my work in Washington, really little more than a well-spoken disk-jockey. So I produced mini-documentaries on my own time to keep myself sane. There was no NPR in the States when I started my career. The best in Canadian private radio, heavily influ- enced by the CBC, did a great deal more news and current affairs programming. Now I had to run to catch up. Mary had come up to join me, and in September, we were married at the Friends’ Meeting House. For the next five years, we never ventured within five miles of the border, fearing I’d be snatched by FBI agents. This was no empty threat — they in fact Andy Barrie

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 28 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE half dozen times in the last 40 years that I’ve been Meanwhile, my own, sole academic credential is an called out on it. honorary doctorate from Toronto’s York University. Canadians are famously polite, but still, the coun- A week before graduation from Dartmouth, Profes- try allowed me to feel my decision was the right sor Henry Williams told me I’d botched my Com- one. Certainly in the States, I can’t imagine that prehensive Exams so badly, the Theatre Department my career wouldn’t have been stopped in its tracks would have to hold up my degree. I got caught up in my career and never did collect my B.A. I rolled the car a few more feet But framed and hanging where it might have been into the promised land, is my Order of Canada, the highest civilian honor this country can award, and I treasure it, as an got out, and kissed the ground. affirmation of Robert Frost’s definition of Home as Andy Barrie “The place, where when you go there, they have to let you in.” when each time the U.S. went to war, my right to Today I own an antique Ampex 601 tape recorder, question its wisdom was called into question. That exactly like the one in Robinson Hall’s Studio 3X is, if I could have been hired in the first place. where I held forth on The Suppertime Show. On the There are no verifiable numbers on how many men, machine there’s small reel of tape I like to listen to women, and children left for Canada during the from time to time. When I was WDCR’s Chief Vietnam era. The generally accepted guess is about Announcer, I’d often be the one responsible for 100,000, with some 50,000 returning when they closing down the station at the end of the day. were able. Another 60,000 mostly Vietnamese I’d thread up the tape, then as I do now, and play refugees, the “boat people,” were given sanctuary in Dartmouth Undying. Canada after the war ended. Every time I hear it, I’m reminded of of the place My wife Mary went on to get a Masters and a PhD, that gave me my world view, my country, my capping a brilliant career as the Director of the career and my family; so much more than I ever School of Continuing Studies at the University of could have hoped for, or ever could have imagined. Toronto. Mary died of lung cancer, in 2009. Our daughter, born in 1976, was recruited to a wonder- ful job in the States ten years ago. She has a masters and doctorate of her own, and she and her son have -30- dual citizenship, just in case … . May 2015

CLASS OF 1967 29 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Interview with Paul Beach Interview conducted by John Isaacs, May 2016

So let’s start out first, where you were raised and of interesting story, because I attribute my getting how you chose Dartmouth. in to something that happened there. I was just a I was born and grew up in the Frankford section of regular sort of mashed potatoes and white-bread Philadelphia, which at the time was a blue collar kind of kid — a little bright but with no special neighborhood, and at age 11, we moved to a sub- interests or achievements. urb, like a lot of other people were doing at the I went to that interview, and I could tell as it was time, a town called Hatboro, which is an old town, unfolding that the two interviewers were not at all which dated from colonial times. As to how I chose impressed because, looking back, I’m sure I was just Dartmouth, in either 1959 or 1960, there was a TV spouting a bunch of platitudes about why I wanted show called the Sunday Sports Spectacular. It was a to go there. long show, like a two- or three-hour show that high- I’ll digress for a second to say I had recently written lighted the Dartmouth Winter Carnival, and the a history paper, and the topic that I was writing on snow and the trees, and they presented an image was the Japanese invasion of China in the ’30s, of a rustic camaraderie as representing what it was and I wasn’t getting much from the local library. So like to be there. That caught my attention. So that I got my parents to take me to the main branch of was the beginning of my interest. the Philadelphia library system on a Sunday, and And then I was very much into math as a high while starting to do the research, I discovered the school student, and fairly good at it, and in 1962, microfilm room and read a lot of the “as it was I believe, there was an article in the New York Times happening” news reports on the invasion. And then about John Kemeny bringing a first class math pro- I got really into the whole idea of reading about gram to Dartmouth, and so that also piqued my things on microfilm that had happened in the past, interest. I basically developed a crush on Dartmouth and so somehow that came up in the conversation from afar, and that pretty much decided that’s with the interviewers. They sensed a sort of passion where I wanted to go, and it was only a question that I had developed for it, and suddenly, I could of whether I could get in. So that’s how I chose it. see that they saw me in a slightly different light, Those are the factors that led me to choose it. and I built on that. So if their role was important in the admission process, I think had I not had that Had you visited Dartmouth before applying? experience, I would not have gotten in. No, but the only relatively long-distance vacation my family took when I was young was a week in And were you politically or socially active in New Hampshire–Lake Winnepesaukee, Mount high school, before getting to Dartmouth? Washington, the Old Man of the Mountain, etc. so No. I was socially active in just student “pretend” I had some sense of the area. government and things like that, but not in any- Then there was an alumni interview. I had an inter- thing beyond the high school. I did start to have view in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania, and that’s a kind questions about what was going on in the world. I like to tell people that we had a course called Problems of Democracy, which I think was a required course for all high schools in Pennsylvania. The teacher in that course had us write an essay every week on an assigned topic, and he pretty much told us what we should be saying. Before we started writing, and during the fall of ’62, one of the things we had to write about was whether we should invade Cuba or not. And, based on his telling us his right answer, I wrote that yes, of course, we should invade. But later in that year, I started to have some ques- tions in my mind about it. I remember that the way I formulated it was kind of an epistemological thing. We were told that the Soviet Union is a ter- rible place, and they’re probably told that the U.S. is a terrible place, and how do I know that what John Kemeny we’re told is right? That was about as far politically

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 30 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE as I had developed at that point. But, I was begin- ning to have a growing awareness of the civil rights movement, and was pretty much taken by that.

It sounds as though the course you had in the state of Pennsylvania was somewhat comparable to the “Great Issues” course at Dartmouth. Yeah, exactly, Dartmouth’s “Great Issues.” As a mat- ter of fact, I remember when you presented the theme of this project on “momentous changes,” I wrote to you and, having forgotten the words you used, I called it “Great Issues” to kind of close the circle with our Dartmouth days.

So when you entered Dartmouth, had you heard of the Vietnam War? Did you know anything about it? Did you have any feelings about the Vietnam War? No, not at all, at that point I was not aware of it at all.

Obviously you started learning more, and came to a strong opinion. I’m just curious about how that developed. Well, as I said, by the time I got to Dartmouth, a big issue to me was the civil rights movement. In September of ’63 when we started, it was the month Birmingham bombing in 1963 after the big March on Washington. I went on the Outing Club freshman hiking trip. I don’t remem- One event I remember from DCU activity was that ber whether it was during the trip or right after we we canvassed in towns neighboring Hanover to try got back that I learned about the church bombing to get signatures on a petition to Sen. Norris Cotton in Birmingham that killed the four young girls. And to vote for the Civil Rights Bill of 1964. He was con- then shortly afterwards, George Wallace came to sidered a swing vote (he was ultimately the only Dartmouth to speak. The Dartmouth Christian New England Senator to vote against it). At one Union Political Action Committee organized a very house in a poor section of Lebanon a woman small demonstration, with everybody wearing coats answered the door. I explained what we were asking and ties and behaving very correctly, and I would for and then a man called down from upstairs to guess there were about no more than 20 or 25 peo- ask who was there. She said something like “It’s one ple in it. But I got involved in that, and met a num- of them college boys asking us to sign something ber of the people who, in the DCU, were active in that says them n——s should have the same rights supporting the civil rights movement. The second as we do. My heart sank. And then she said, “Yes, I floor of College Hall, which is where the DCU was, agree with that. I’ll sign.” And she then called her became my home. George Kalbfleisch, who was the husband down and he signed too. chaplain at the DCU, was (though the term was The DCU had a lot of magazines that addressed not used at the time) a “liberation theology” kind social and political issues, both national and inter- of person. I’m not sure of his whole story, but he national. But I was still very much limited to interest was of German origin and he used to talk about in the civil rights movement. Then in February ’65, having been involved on some level with Dietrich there was a conference at four colleges in western Bonhoeffer’s resistance in Germany as the war was Massachusetts—Smith, U-Mass, Mount Holyoke approaching while he was a theology student. He and Amherst. The theme on the call to the confer- was quite an interesting and morally powerful guy, ence was, “What good is it to be able to sit at the and a real character. lunch counter if you can’t afford the price of a ham- My mentors and colleagues at the DCU were Dan burger?” So, much of what was discussed was how the Thompson and Richard Joseph (’65) and Jim Bopp, issue of poverty related to civil rights and the civil Dick Bathrick, Bruce Lawder and Dave Barton (’66). rights movement. It was a very powerful conference. Our classmate who I remember working with most On Friday night of the conference, the opening was Gerry Billow. panel was supposed to be Malcolm X and Michael

CLASS OF 1967 31 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Harrington, and I had just recently read Harrington’s and everything seemed to point to gray. Anyway, it The Other America and was being influenced by that. now seems a little funny in retrospect, but I remem- Unfortunately, their flight from New York was ber feeling a little bit depressed that I felt like I fogged in and they were not able to make it. This needed to identify as a socialist. But I still didn’t was just weeks before Malcolm was murdered, and understand what the issues in Vietnam were. his presence there would have represented a major Then came April of that year, when the Marines step in his engaging with politics outside the Nation invaded the Dominican Republic. And that just of Islam. seemed simpler to understand as wrong, and it So they weren’t there, but a lot of other people were opened my mind to saying, “I need to understand there. One of the people I remember having my more about what this Vietnam story is about.” And first contact with was Tom Hayden, who at the time so I started reading a number of things, and it was a recent founding member and leader of Stu- became clear that this was also very wrong, and so dents for a Democratic Society. Also Stanley this is how I ended up getting involved with the Aronowitz, an important labor leader, and several anti-Vietnam war movement. others who had a fairly advanced political perspec- tive that I had not been exposed to before. They Is this around that time, Martin Luther King came spoke and led workshops. out against the Vietnam War? And I noticed that there was a lot of talk about It was a little later than that. It was more like ’67 Vietnam. This is now February of ’65, and that was that he came out against the war, although I think the first time I saw people connecting the civil rights he probably made statements that were hinting at movement and Vietnam. My first reaction was that that, but his more powerful speech—the one that this was not really very good, because I was very led to a lot of criticism from within the civil rights aware of anti-communist notions, and I thought movement and others—was not until April of ’67. that the civil rights movement would suffer by an Did you then get involved in some of the demon- association with the anti-war movement, which at strations and anti-war activities on the Hanover that time was very unpopular. I wasn’t hostile to campus? the anti-war movement, but I didn’t yet under- stand what it was about. I was more concerned Yes. And, by the way, there was enormous hostility with how it may have a negative effect on the civil to the anti-war movement at that time. I think my rights movement. first demonstration against the war was in the sum- mer of ’65, and that was in Philadelphia. People But, as I said, I had just read The Other America, and would yell all kinds of insults. I also remember an I read Erich Fromm, and a number of people who incident which shocked me from that day. The identified as socialists, and at the conference, there father of one of my fairly close friends in high school was a fairly strong socialist theme. And even though was a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy. When I didn’t want to think of myself as socialist, it just I came back that day, I happened to be at their seemed kind of inescapable intellectually. So I remem- house, and when he heard that I had been at the ber riding back to Hanover on Route 5 on a very demonstration, he told me he had some rope if gray Vermont winter Sunday, thinking, “Oh, God, I wanted to hang myself. So that was sort of my first I’m a socialist.” I had images of gray Eastern Europe taste of that level of hostility—his reaction and all the shouting against the demonstrators. So then, as far as in Hanover, I was on the mailing list of SDS through the Tom Hayden connection, and that became more or less where my identity was. Also, by the way, in that period, when, as I said, I was reading a lot about U.S. foreign policy, one of the books that really influenced me a lot was a book by David Horowitz, who incidentally has become a very intense right-wing person. He wrote a book called The Free World Colossus, which presented a list of U.S. interventions that had happened up to that point, like the participation in the coup against Mossadegh in Iran, and the coup against Arbenz in Guatemala, and how that set off the ongoing war in Guatemala, and then the participation in the assassination of Lumumba in the Congo, and I’m Martin Luther King blanking on one or two other episodes.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 32 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Chile? Right. Right. So one of my activities, in the fresh- Chile hadn’t happened yet, but what happened there man and sophomore years, within the DCU, we certainly fits the pattern as did what happened in had a program called Negro Application Encour- Indonesia just around the time the book was writ- agement. And so we were trying to bring more ten. And that sort of gave a broader context to my African-Americans to the College. You probably sense of what was going on in Vietnam, and it remember, while we were there, the College devel- made for an interpretation of the world that was oped the ABC program, and while we only had a little beyond just being against the war in Vietnam. three African-Americans, the next year’s class had I began to see U.S. policy in general to be quite nefar- 14, and then by the class after that, I think it was ious. Again, the DCU was the home base for the left almost double that. So it was a period where all in Hanover, up until 1966 or so, when I and a num- that was changing. I became reasonably involved ber of people who were involved in the DCU had in alliance with the Afro-American Society. I mean, been moving toward SDS. Then there were some we did a lot of things together. That organization other people who hadn’t been involved in the DCU was developing from the Classes of ’68 and ’69. who were also getting interested in SDS, and then we There were some very passionate political people sort of came together to create a formal SDS chapter. in those classes. I think the environment of isola- tion that had existed up to their arrival led to the In any case my sense of identity continued to be African-American guys in our class being pretty quiet. with people that I had “grown up with,” as I would I know that Melvin Boozer later became less quiet, put it, in the DCU. And then when the Wednesday but while he was there, we approached him, and he afternoon, noon-to-1:00 PM vigil started, I partici- wasn’t all that ready to get involved. pated in that fairly frequently. And then in 1966 we had to take a test to maintain the student deferment. I wound up in Washington, D.C., and got to know I refused to take the test, and then shortly after that, him better in D.C., and I think that’s where he I sent my draft card back to my draft board, saying became much more active. that I wasn’t going to carry it, and I wasn’t going to Right. go if called. And then, probably in ’66, we formed a draft resistance union. I think we called it the “We You felt hostility because of your civil rights activ- Won’t Go” Union, and so yes, I was involved in the ities. Did you feel hostility in the campus about anti-war movement at Dartmouth, your Vietnam activities as well?

I’d say you were. I remember the protests around Oh, yeah. Certainly in the beginning, yes, for sure. the greens, the vigil, but I am not familiar at all Although, interestingly, I really remember more with some of these other activities. from the civil rights movement, but that may be just memory sort of playing tricks. By the time of Yeah. Actually, parenthetically, I’ll drop back for a the big event with the vigil, unfortunately, I was in second. As I said, in the first two years, my main Washington at the time, so I missed that, but that focus was the civil rights movement, and one of the was quite a day that made me and my colleagues things we did was primarily in support of what was extremely happy. going on in the South. We would print up informa- tion about that in an attempt to enlist support for Is this the big demonstration and counter-demon- it. We would take these information leaflets around, stration? and put them under the doors in the dorms. One The Dartmouth Conservative Union, I believe it was of the things I remember about that was, I ended up already called, called a counter-vigil, thinking that doing it late at night because so frequently, people more people were for the war than were against the would come out and yell, “You f—ing weenie, what’s war, and there ended up being something like sev- your interest in all this and why you bothering us eral hundred people on the anti-war side. The sup- with this s—?” And so on. I bring this up because port-the-war folks lined up on the opposite side of in 2016 I think many people would be surprised to the path across the green from where the vigil know how much hostility support for the civil rights always was, and the anti-war line had to go all the movement generated at Dartmouth at the time. way across the green and then snake back, and it Well, in our class of ’67, I think there were four was much larger than the counter-demonstration black students total. that had been called. Right. Right. I have to say you have a great memory. So you were pretty militant against the Vietnam War I don’t know if those of you who were involved even before you graduated, and getting to the in the civil rights movement connected the move- point where you refused to be inducted, it seems. ment to a campus that wasn’t very far along.

CLASS OF 1967 33 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Right. That was around the time we were there. I think Silent Spring came out in ’62, if I’m not mistaken. Before we go to post-Dartmouth activities, you I was not involved in the environmental movement had some views, I guess, in the 25th reunion right from the beginning, but it was just an appre- book about Dartmouth that seemed to empha- ciation, or a sense that something was wrong, but size the well-to-do making the powerful more I didn’t get involved in the environmental move- powerful, or — ment until years later and start to really see connec- Right. tions between wars and poverty and environment. My focus was first, you know, civil rights and pover- At that point, 25 years ago, you said you had had ty, and then the war, and then years later, to get very little to do with the college since graduation. involved in the environmental movement as well. Yeah. I guess that that was how I felt. I mean, I also You had, shall we say, a full agenda. Classmate said that there was a lot about Dartmouth that I look Paul Stetzer was involved with both civil rights back on with much fondness. I mean, my coming and environmental issues as well. to see the world in a very different way and the way I still see it all evolved while I was there. There Right. And the anti-war movement as well. Yeah, he were people there who I went through that process was very involved in all these issues too. The inter- with and still feel very close to even though there esting thing is, we were in the same space while are only a few with whom I still get together. we were at Dartmouth, including the DCU, but we never really became friends until after Dartmouth. And there were those under whose influence I We had a very close friend, mutual close friend learned, as well. I’ll cite two in particular. There was who was Don (Skip) Pease who was a member of a Government instructor or an assistant professor the class of ’66, but he graduated with us because named Paul Leary, who was a mentor. Then later he had taken a year off to work in VISTA with farm on, there was Jonathan Mirsky, but he didn’t arrive workers in California. So he ended up doing his last until our senior year. But anyway, there was a lot year with us, and both Paul and I became very close about Dartmouth that I loved. to him, and still are. And so I looked Paul up after Also, the physical plant. Actually, I’ll digress for a we had graduated because we both were back in our second on that, and tell a little story from the hometown, Philadelphia. He was my savior on numer- Dartmouth days. From the beginning, based on that ous occasions when I was rather down and out. pre-matriculation freshman camping trip, I got inter- ested in the Outing Club, and each year at least one And you worked with Paul, and a bunch of other weekend in the fall and spring, I would spend at class of ’67s. There was a “Vietnam summer” right the DOC cabin at Happy Hill, which is a few miles after graduation? into the woods from Norwich. Right. It’s my first recollection of having any kind of sense Tell me about who else was involved in that, and of environmental and political issues. As I would tell me what that was about. walk into Norwich, there was a really beautiful lit- tle hill. It just had a very lovely curve to it, and That was a national program where people who were I always admired it. I’m not sure which year it was, against the war, mostly students or of the student ’65 or ’66, in the fall of one of those years. I went age, were going door-to-door to talk to people about by where it was and it had been bulldozed to make the war, or trying to get audiences at churches or way for the building of Route 91, and I was just — community organizations. Actually, as it turned out devastated is probably too strong a word, but it def- for us, we had a number of audiences at summer initely hurt quite a bit that it was just gone. camps, because there were (and are) a number of summer camps in northern New England. But most- And it was the first time that, in my mind, I thought ly a lot of door-to-door, just knock on the door and a little bit about what was happening to the environ- say, “We’d like to talk to you about the Vietnam ment as an issue. So that’s another little recollection War.” The Friends (Quaker) Meeting in Hanover of my consciousness developing while a student. As made space in their meetinghouse (which is just a city boy, that was my first exposure to the outdoors north of Occom Pond) available to us for sleeping in a really nice place. And that northwoods environ- and eating. So yeah, Don Pease was there, and Paul ment that first attracted me to Dartmouth remains Stetzer, and Jerry Billow, Dave Hough, Mike Mick- a part of the College’s identity that I still love. elsen, Dick Clapp. Also John Spritzler ’68 and This was the time of the launching of the envi- George Griffin (’65), who was back at Dartmouth ronmental movement with Rachel Carson’s book. after having spent two years in the military, and

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 34 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE others whose names I regret having to say I’m not him there “oom”-ing away), and Noam Chomsky able to remember. I had worked in Baker Library dur- and Norman Mailer. We were held overnight and ing most of the years at Dartmouth, and so I had then released. a job still in the library, but was able to do the Viet- nam stuff and working in the library that summer. You didn’t go to prison until two years later. So while the draft board sent you an induction You went from there to some demonstrations in notice, and you refused to go, how did you Washington — for example, the Pentagon? manage to keep going for two years before they Right. Another useful piece of my history, was that got you? the draft board had left me alone all the time after Well, the wheels turn very slowly. I mean, the indict- I had sent back my draft card with a fairly provoca- ment didn’t come down until February, I think, of tive letter. I think they did reclassify me 1A right ’69, if I’m remembering right. My refusal happened after I sent it, but they didn’t draft me until I got in July of ’67, but the indictment didn’t come until the notice to report for induction in July of ’67. about 18 months later, and then I was called for trial in June and sentenced in August of ’69. Right after graduation. Yeah, right after graduation, right. My sense is they You fully expected to go to jail, then? just sort of let me slide until graduation, or it was Yeah. just a coincidence. I’m not sure. I’ll actually tell a little story about that. When I was ordered to report Did you? for induction, rather than just not go, I wrote a Yeah, I felt like it was something useful, although leaflet and went to the induction site, and handed I will say there was a point in ’69 where I started to out the leaflet. And then I went to go in. I think think about actually going into the army, because I wanted to continue to hand out the leaflet, but there was a growing anti-war activity within the they wouldn’t let me in, because they had seen me army. I thought that that was even more useful. And handing out the leaflet on the outside. When it actually I did try to arrange to go into the army, but came time to charge me, there were papers signed when I was ordered for induction a second time, by the sergeant who was in charge of keeping me I decided that I wasn’t up to the notion of actually out and the head of the induction bureau saying taking that on. At that time the American Service- that I had made the statement that “I hereby refuse men’s Union had just formed, and there were a induction. I understand that by doing so I subject number of high-profile events, like the Fort Hood myself to five years in prison and a $10,000 fine.” Three and the Intrepid Four—guys who had done In other words, I had read away my rights, which some high-profile resistance against the war from was not what had happened, but it was another within the military. At a lower level, there was piece of learning about the system. organizing to just disobey orders and, in that way But back to Vietnam summer. Summer turned into disrupt the war-making ability of the military. So fall, and I stayed in Hanover, still working a little bit I considered doing that. with students. Mike Mickelsen and I had both stayed There was a funny story related to that. The night on, and we did odd jobs. I remember working on the before the day that I was ordered for the second time roofs of several people’s houses, and getting ready for induction, involving a friend of mine from the for the big demonstration in October, about which class of ’65, Mark Sheingorn, who was from New we were in a fever pitch at that point. I mean, there York. He and I are both baseball fans, and he was a was a sense that it was going to be a really serious Mets fan, and I was (and still am) a Phillies fan. He confrontation. Kent State hadn’t happened yet, but came into town saying, “Tomorrow night, we go I remember we talked a lot about the possibility of to this double-header.” And I took him and anoth- deaths at that demon- er friend of mine with me to the draft board, hop- stration. While it was- ing that I would get kicked out again, and that this n’t at that level, it was time I would have witnesses if they tried to say that a pretty antagonistic I had said that I refused induction. These friends went event at the Pentagon, with me and this time I didn’t get kicked out. When and several hundred they said to step over the line and become an induct- people were arrested, ed soldier, I just turned around and walked out. and I was one of them. We were taken to a Allen Ginsberg So you had extra 18 months, wasn’t it? holding room related to Right. Right. Yes. Lorton Prison. There were a hundred or more of us in the same huge room, with Allen Ginsberg (I remember You fully expected to go to jail at this point?

CLASS OF 1967 35 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Right. Yes, Right. Right. Yeah.

You were active in the whole group of Dartmouth Describe that 18 months’ interregnum before students around that time. Did any others go as prison. far as you did, in terms of refusing the draft? Well, I was involved in organizing or trying to Well, as it turned out, there was somebody who I organize for SDS in the Philadelphia area. Paul didn’t know at Dartmouth, who I think was in the Stetzer and I were very involved in this together. class of ’69, or it might’ve been ’68, by the name of The colleges in Philadelphia and the Philadelphia Tom Moore. When I was in prison, he appeared, but area were developing something called the Univer- I had not known him at Dartmouth. Interestingly, sity City Science Center. In ’68, there had been the he was from the next town over from the suburban big Columbia demonstration/occupation, when town where I had lived. I mean, we didn’t know Columbia was trying to take over a park in each other but I remember that he was from a Harlem, with plans that included doing military Quaker background. Our high school period homes research there. were probably less than five miles apart. University City Science Center was planned to be And how did your family feel about all these developed in the West Philadelphia area around activities, and your refusing to go into the draft? the University of Pennsylvania, and they were doing something similar. They were taking over That’s an interesting story. One of the things that housing in an African-American community in West made me very uncomfortable when I made the deci- Philadelphia and would certainly be doing military- sion to refuse the draft was the fact that my father related research. And all of the major colleges in had been a steamfitter at the Philadelphia Navy Yard the Philadelphia area were part of the consortium in the ’30s, and when the war broke out, he wanted that was to make up the University City Science to go into the military, because it was something Center. So it became a very major focus of organiz- that people felt was your duty, as a man. And he ing on all those campuses, and there was a demon- tried, but they wouldn’t let him do it because he stration and an occupation at Penn that we had had a skill and a history of working for the Navy. helped to organize. We weren’t the major organiz- And they needed him there. I knew from talking ers, but we were definitely very deeply involved in to him as I was growing up that it was a kind of a it. And so that happened in the winter of ’69, par- sore spot for him that he hadn’t been in the mili- tially as a focus of what we were doing during that tary during World War II, and, that was the thing 18-month time. To support myself, I was driving a that men did. And so my not going was something taxi and doing some substitute teaching. that I was really afraid that would hit him fairly hard, for that reason. But there was a book out in, I think, Looking at your notes, you participated in the 1966, called The United States in Vietnam by two Parkhurst takeover as well. Cornell professors. Kahin and Lewis were their names. Yes, yes. True. And, thinking back about that: one It described the history of how the U.S. had gotten of the people that I was very involved with during involved, and I gave it to my father to read. And he the last two to three years at Dartmouth was John read it, and he became a very strong supporter at Spritzler (’68), who had a much higher-profile as that point. So my mother supported me just because an organizer on campus, and he was still there in I was her son, but my father came to understand it ’68. And when he graduated, our political thinking on a political and, shall we say, moral level, and he had evolved to where we saw ourselves as working was very supportive. And as the years went on, he developed a very strong anti-war and anti-U.S. for- eign policy position in general as a result of starting from reading that book. So I was very fortunate, very fortunate in that sense. I didn’t have to fight my family.

Yeah, that is tough. And a lot of my friends at the time were having a very different experience, and I felt very fortunate about that.

I strongly believe that one of the reasons that the U.S. became disenchanted with the war was the divisions it was causing between the generations. Parkhurst Takeover, 1969

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 36 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE for capital “The Revolution.” We at that point had What was the Parkhurst protest about? The war? come to believe that the industrial working class was It was motivated by the war, but the specific demand where the impetus for a revolution would have to was to end ROTC on campus—which actually, I come, so we wanted to do working-class organizing. think a year or so later, happened. In the summer of ’68, I went back to the Hanover area with John. And we each got jobs in local fac- Before we get to prison, then, one other thing. tories. I was working at the Tip-Top Bread Factory What kind of trial was it? I mean, it seemed to be in White River Junction, with the idea that some- open and shut. Did you have a lawyer defending how we’d contribute to the movement by organiz- you, and what was the — ing in the working class, but it really wasn’t going Yeah, I had a lawyer, and the nice thing that the anywhere. So after a few months, I returned to lawyer made possible for me was that I was able to Philadelphia. But then, John had stayed on in plead no contest instead of guilty. Most of the time, Hanover and was very much involved in the orga- he explained to me, they won’t accept a no-contest nizing for the Parkhurst demonstration. And I was plea, but in my case, it wasn’t a trial. It was just a in touch with him on a fairly regular basis, and he pre-trial situation, where you can plead guilty, or told me that it was coming. And so I went up and in this case, no contest, and then the trial is fore- joined in with that, and was there for that. And, gone for that reason. So I never had a trial. I was like the other 50 or 60 people involved, I ended up convicted in June but then I was on my own recog- getting sentenced to 30 days in the Merrimack nizance, and not sentenced until August. County jail. The state of New Hampshire did not have enough jail space for that extra number of And what kind of prison did they send you to? people for 30 days in a single jail, so we were sent Most of the sentence was done at a minimum secu- to jails all over the state. I think almost all the rity prison. Allenwood was the name. It’s a satellite county jails in New Hampshire housed a few of of the Lewisburg Federal Prison in central Pennsyl- us. I was with a group of students mostly from the vania. I got there after a few weeks each at the Phila- classes of ’71 and ’72. It was nice to get to know delphia Detention Center and Lewisburg. them, and we had 30 days to get to know each other fairly well. And were there a number of other draft resisters, or were you one of the only one? One amusing little anecdote: After we were out of jail, there were student disciplinary hearings. The During the time I was there, the secular draft resisters charge on which we did the 30 days was contempt ranged from 25 to about 30. The whole prison was of court, because there was a court order to stay out 350. And then there were also about 30 Jehovah’s of Parkhurst. But then there were the student dis- Witnesses who also refused the draft, for their own ciplinary hearings. One student was expelled, and reasons, let’s say. completely severed from the college, but the others Did the other prisoners look down upon the received different levels of discipline. There was a war resisters? hearing, and at one point, the student/faculty com- mittee that ran the hearing called a recess and left That was a very interesting story. It evolved quite a the room. The hearing was being recorded. And bit over the time that I was there and even intensi- somebody in the group supporting those charged fied after I left. When I first got there, most of the had a recording on some kind of a device, and he draft resisters were people who had not been involved went up, restarted the official trial recorder, and in “movement” kinds of things, but were very moral played Bob Dylan’s “The Times, They Are A- anarchists who just said, you know, “I can’t partici- Changin’” into the proceedings. When the com- pate.” They were not thinking about political change mittee played back the proceedings, they were so much as just being unwilling to participate. And entertained by Dylan singing “The Times, They there was a great distance between the draft resister Are A-Changin’.” community and the rest of the prison. So that reminds me. One of the things that a little So who were the rest of the prisoners? It being a bitterness came from, I remember reading the alum- minimum security place, most of them were people ni magazine after that happened. And I don’t know convicted of white-collar crimes or low-level drug the exact numbers, but they described the partici- offenses, or people who had long-term sentences pants as, let’s say, 40 or 50 students and 20 or 25 but were in the last year or two of them, so could “outsiders.” And of the “outsiders,” I’m guessing be in low-level security. But the times were chang- somewhere from a third to a half of us were alum- ing, and the draft resisters who were coming in ni. Normally, the alumni magazine liked to identi- around the time that I came in were more people fy alumni. But in this case, we were not alumni who had been involved in, quote, “the movement,” but “outsiders.” and had much more of an organizing focus.

CLASS OF 1967 37 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE wanted to get rid of this guy. There was a very strong rumor that they were going to send him to the prison in Springfield, Missouri, which is the federal psychiatric prison. And as we understood it, your time in that federal prison doesn’t count. You can’t be released until you get over your psy- chiatric problem. And so we were very worried for him, and we held a week-long hunger strike. At the end of the week, the last meal that we were skip- ping, we asked other people to skip that meal in Allenwood Prison solidarity, and about, two-thirds of the other pris- oners did that. And so by that point, you know, A couple of events happened while I was there that the image of the draft resisters was changing. are of interest. In one, I was working on what was called a construction detail. At the time I slept on And, importantly, one of the things that was also the bottom of a bunk-bed arrangement where the happening was that the movement on the outside guy in the upper bunk was on the same detail. He was becoming something that prisoners were very was in on car theft charges. (Parenthetically, his aware of—the anti-war movement—but it overlapped, claim to fame among the draft resisters was that he all the things that were going on in the black com- had been sentenced in Chicago by Julius Hoffman, munity like the Panthers and other forms of resis- who was the judge who presided over the Chicago tance. So the antiwar movement got a higher profile Eight trial. So that was a little point of prestige for and higher approval rating, let’s say, among prison- him.) ers, by that point. They had started to understand draft resisters as being related to other movements But in any case, one weekend, he was very sick. This that they may have related to. is in central Pennsylvania, and the winters were very similar to Hanover winters. And he had been And so our hunger strike really showed that the sick the whole weekend, and on Monday morning, whole relationship between draft resisters and other the guard who was the crew chief, would come up prisoners had changed quite a bit from what I on a truck behind the barracks and pick us up to go remember when I first came in. After I left, there to work. And he came and asked, “Where’s Davis?”, was another incident. I don’t remember anymore and I said, “Well, he’s sick, and he’s too sick to go what it was about, but it was led by the draft resisters, up.” You had to get medically authorized to be out and the entire prison went on strike, and about 10 sick. You had to walk outside a fair distance to a of the draft resisters were shipped, one each, to other facility to get this authorization, and he really was prisons around the country. It was a strike led by really under it, so he hadn’t done that. the draft resisters at Allenwood that was a sign that the draft resisters had evolved to be actually even So I said, “He’s sick, and he can’t come. You can leaders of a sort within the prison community. come in and see him.” But the guard just picked us up and went off, and when we got back for lunch, And your job in prison? Davis had been taken to Lewisburg to “The Hole”— My job, at first, was on a construction crew at the the segregation section of the prison. So we devel- time of that other incident. But the first winter that oped a strike, which changed people’s attitude I was there, one of the jobs for the construction towards the draft resisters a little bit. And then, a crew was to go shovel the snow off of the guards’ few months later, there was a draft resister who fit driveways (there was a guard housing section with- the pattern that I talked about before, of just refus- in the prison). I didn’t like the idea that we were ing to participate in any way. He was in Lewisburg supposed to do that, and I refused. Now the con- in the hole permanently, because he wouldn’t struction crew’s usual job was to work on a rock cooperate in any way. For example, even when he crusher in a quarry on the prison grounds, and it was in the hole, when he was allowed out to go to was a crew that people were assigned to when they the shower, he would get the shower, and then he first arrived. You would move up to less difficult would refuse to return to his cell. So they would jobs as you developed some seniority, and the con- have to carry him back to his cell each time. struction crew was one of the lowest-level jobs. He was very unpopular with the guards there, and So they had to put me on the next-lowest level job, we all knew this story, but we didn’t know him. And which was a farm crew, doing very low-level agri- it happened that there was a riot at Lewisburg in cultural work. That turned out to be an entry-level which a guard was killed, at which point the segre- job that could get you onto the cattle detail, which gation section of the prison became very overcrowd- was more interesting. Allenwood had a 1,000-head ed and cell-space was at a premium. And so they

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 38 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE herd of cattle, which provided meat for the Lewis- something that was intrinsically socially useful and burg and Allenwood populations. And after a few also had some potential to relate to community months on the farm detail, I ended up on the cattle organizing as well. So I ended up switching my detail. That was one of the more enjoyable jobs I’ve focus from veterinary to medical. had. Being in prison was bad, but being on the cattle detail was not. It was hard work, but it was outdoors, So did your refusal to go into the draft, and your and even on occasion it involved a riding a horse to prison time, serve as a barrier to medical school, move the cattle from one pasture to another, and, and eventually medical practice, or seem to have again, as a city boy, I enjoyed that new experience. no impact whatsoever? Incidentally, as a result of getting to know the It definitely had an impact. I got interviews at two source of my hamburger from up close, I became medical schools. At one of the interviews, the inter- a vegetarian while in prison and have stayed with viewer just spent the whole time telling me what a that ever since. So that was my job, and one of the jerk I was and what an affront it was that I was pieces of that job would be to work with a veteri- applying to medical school. In the other case narian who came around once a month to tend to (Temple), the interviewer thought I was wonderful cattle health issues. Also, off-hours, during the calv- for having done what I had done. I suspect that that ing season, which was a couple months in both was a reason that I got in. With regard to practice, spring and fall in the evening, we took a truck and the only way that it has affected me is that each went all around the prison complex to check in on time I had to apply for a license, once in Pennsyl- cows that might be having problems with deliver- vania, once in New York, my case got kicked into a ing their calves. In any case, I had some low-level review by a “morals committee,” and so each time, veterinary duties. it took me about two months longer to get my license than it otherwise would have. At that time I still felt like when I got out of prison, what I was going to do was continue to organize Probably if you had applied a decade before, it for “the revolution,” but little by little, also, there would’ve been a lot more difficult. was a sense that the movement was running out of That is true without any doubt. steam. And it wasn’t clear what I would be doing for the movement when I got out. The idea of A brief summary of my life after med school: becoming a veterinarian interested me a little bit. I worked 2½ years in a North Philadelphia clinic in When I got out, I initially still felt like I was going the early-to-mid 1980s, during which time I was very to try to find my way back into organizing, but active in local and national organizations opposing I couldn’t find anything that seemed to make sense U.S. belligerent policies in Central America. And to me. So I started to think about other options I spent several months in Nicaragua as the Contra again, and the veterinarian idea was there. war was in full swing. I later worked in rural Haiti So I started taking pre-med courses with, initially, the on several occasions between 1985 and 2010. I was idea that I might become a veterinarian. I needed there for a full year in 1985-86, six months before to take those pre-med courses because at Dartmouth, and six months after the fall of the Duvalier regime, I had satisfied the science distributive requirement spending a total of about three years on the ground by doing math, and astronomy and physics. I did- and more in planning and fundraising stateside. n’t really have any biology or chemistry basis. So I The focus of that work was learning from and train- had to take all those courses if I was going to apply ing village health workers to fill some of the gaps to veterinary school. I started, little by little, taking in health care created by the extreme shortage of them one course at a time at Penn, while still dri- physicians and nurses in rural areas. ving a taxi. And then, which was actually related, Most of the rest of the time, from 1990 on, I worked I got a job in an auto stamping plant, an auto parts in inner city clinics and family medicine residency stamping plant that stamped out fenders, hoods and programs in Brooklyn, Philadelphia and the Bronx trunk lids, etc., to be sent on to assembly plants. (where I am working these days). There were a number of people in that auto plant And you said you had some challenges in adjust- that were there as organizers They wanted me to be ing at Temple? involved, which I was, on a very low level. But at that point, I had pretty much decided that I didn’t Medicine, as it turns out, wasn’t a great choice for see that that was going to go anywhere, and I was me. Had I to do it all over, I wouldn’t probably have sort of focusing on the pre-med plan. And I was done it. I did not like hospitals, and I got fairly also transitioning from the idea of going to veteri- depressed. You know, it’s interesting. The med nary school to going to medical school, because it school routine at that time was, the first two years was the period of free clinics. It seemed like it was are in the classroom, and the next two years are in

CLASS OF 1967 39 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE hospital wards. I was never comfortable in the hos- in which they had been malformed, and how it pital, and got fairly depressed. would cause problems. It was a book that dented So when I graduated, I worked at Montefiore Hos- my consciousness as well. Talking about Vietnam, pital in the Bronx, which had a family medicine and then thinking about the Congo, and the residency which was known for its social medicine. Dominican Republic, and Guatemala and so forth, It attracted people of my political persuasion and I developed a passion of sorts about what’s been social justice persuasion, with its emphasis on called the Third World, and the injustices that developing ways of serving low-income communi- they had suffered, and the challenges facing them. ties in particular. So it was a really good match for When I made the decision to go to medical school, me. When I got there, I was still stuck in this depres- I also had been thinking about possibly working sion. They were very kind, and they gave me a cou- abroad as well. So I then went to Haiti to work. ple weeks to see if I could get myself together. When Haiti had always been a special interest for me, I said I couldn’t, they offered me a position for the partly because of its history—its proud history of following year. But I had had federal government having been one of the first countries of the previ- support during medical school through the Nation- ously colonized world to win its independence by al Health Service Corps. The requirement there is defeating the French army. I also spoke French rea- that for each year that they paid your tuition, you sonably well, and I thought that French was the had to work in a physician shortage area in a qual- language of Haiti, which I came to learn is not ified center. really the case. When I made the decision to go to When I told them I wanted to wait until the follow- Haiti, I had a plan of going to spend a year in Haiti. ing year, they said, “No, you can’t do that,” so I had In the time that I was working in the clinic in north to find a residency right away. During medical Philadelphia, the troubles in Central America were school, I had done a rotation at Reading Hospital in high in the news. The Nicaraguans had overthrown Reading, Pennsylvania, and so I was able to get a Somoza, and then the wars in El Salvador and position there fairly quickly. In those days, it was Guatemala were heating up. There was a fairly not that uncommon to do an internship and then large movement of professionals all around the get a license and practice. And so I was still not country in various professions opposing U.S. poli- sure that I was going to stay in medicine, so rather cy there. I went on a trip to Nicaragua with the than complete the residency, I did the internship. I North American Congress on Latin America in then took a position at a clinic in north Philadelphia, 1983, and was very impressed by the positive feel- which, going back to the Dartmouth days, was a ings people there had and were working toward clinic I had been a tutor in. North Philadelphia is a building a new Nicaragua after Somoza. But at large African-American, low-income area, and I had the same time, the Contra war was heating up. So tutored in several places in north Philadelphia dur- there was that little bit of sense that it was all at ing the Dartmouth summers. There was a clinic that risk, as well. qualified to pay back my National Health Service So when I came back from that, I got very much Corps time. So I worked there, and that turned out involved with other healthcare workers in what was to be a very good experience. And so it energized called The National Committee for Health Rights in me to continue. Nicaragua (NCARN), and The Committee for Health Well, it seems to me, looking at your career since Rights in Central America. Quite a bit of my energy then, while you may have had qualms about went to working with those organizations, and my medical service, you turned it into a tremendous idea, when I went to Haiti, was to go and see sort public service career, in Haiti, in Nicaragua, in of the pre-revolutionary situation, and then spend public health clinics in the inner city. a year in Haiti and a year in Nicaragua. The year that I went to Haiti, at first, the Duvalier regime I don’t have total regrets, but as I said, it’s just was firmly in place with no sign that it would be something that I’ve never really been able to get changing. Four months after I got there, a couple comfortable with. Actually, it reminds me of some- incidents happened, and people were protesting in thing else. At the end of the three years of working various parts of the country, and that just snow- at this clinic in north Philadelphia, I went to Haiti. balled and snowballed. And at the beginning of my Dartmouth days, we were assigned a book to read before starting fresh- And by six months after I got there, Duvalier was man year: The Great Ascent, by Robert Heilbroner. forced to leave. It was very interesting to watch, because in the four months before those incidents That book was about the challenges of the recently occurred, and even until Duvalier left, people did- independent colonial countries. The book discussed n’t talk about politics at all in public places. And the history of the colonial economies and the ways in the next six months that I was there, that was

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 40 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE basically all that people wanted to talk about, and So it was a community that I could relate to well, people were very energized and hopeful. However, and enjoyed working with. I did my residency, and the system really hadn’t changed, and repression stayed on in the area for another year. The residency started all over again very quickly. But the genie was was at the SUNY Brooklyn campus, which works out of the bottle, and people were very energized. with King’s County Hospital, which is a public At the end of that year, I went to Nicaragua with hospital for central Brooklyn. the plan of working a year there. When I got there, Then my plan actually was to go to Mozambique to what was interesting was how much energy had work. I traveled to Zimbabwe and Mozambique with been dissipated by the ongoing contra-war, and an organization called Global Exchange in 1990, how much people were suffering, measured by the and started the process of arranging a year working number of people who were dying, and the econo- in Mozambique. When I left my job in October of my was suffering from the fact that so much energy 1990, I got informed that the organization that I was going into defense. The irony was that original- was going to be working with in Mozambique had ly I was going from a low energy situation to a high some problems, and it would be about six months energy situation, it was pretty much the reverse. before they would be ready for me. So I had no And my situation was that I had just spent a year job, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. learning a new language, which is Creole (which, Then I heard that elections for president were going as I said, is really not French), and a new culture. to happen in Haiti, and that Jean-Bertrand Aristide Now I was going to have to learn another new lan- was running. And I knew that he represented a very guage and another new culture. different Haiti than any of the politics that had ever And I stayed for a few months, but I started to say, gone before, so I ended up going to Haiti as an “I don’t know why I should be here rather than in election observer first, with an official organization Haiti.” In Haiti, one of the themes that I was most of the Organization of American States. interested in within healthcare, is how people at the And then Aristide won. Neither I nor most Haitians receiving end can be organized and trained. Much thought it was possible that he would win—or, if more helpful things can get done if the people in the he won, that he would be allowed to take power. communities, especially low-income and disadvan- So it turned out that the American Friends Service taged communities, are participating themselves. Committee (AFSC) was developing a program in So when I was in Haiti, I worked in a town doing Haiti, in a very different rural area than the one that patient care, but most of what I was doing was oper- I had worked in previously. But someone who had ating mobile clinics to very small villages that were spent a couple years in prison under Duvalier and a little too far from the town for people to be able then had been exiled made connections with AFSC to access. It would be a one- to three-hour hike into to develop a community development program. the hills or the mountains to have a day with each Since AFSC is in Philadelphia, I was aware of it, and village. We had about six different villages that we I met with the person in Philadelphia. I told him would visit once or twice a month, and training what I had done in Haiti previously, and that what community health workers and village health work- a healthcare program should do is primarily devel- ers. The most common diagnoses were malaria. For op the skills of people in the surrounding country- most malaria cases, the treatment is relatively sim- side, as well as providing direct care. We were a good ple. If people recognize the symptoms, they could match for that, and so he invited me to come and get the treatment started early. And if it didn’t try to develop a healthcare program as part of their become complicated, that’s something that people larger community development program. in the villages themselves could do. Scabies, which is a very awful—it’s not life-threatening, but it’s a very intensely itching infection of the skin—is some- thing that they could identify and treat as well. I came to appreciate even more how important it is to get the community involved in dealing with their health issues themselves. After a couple months in Nicaragua, I still had in my mind that if I was going to do medicine, I needed to complete a resi- dency. So rather than go back to Haiti, which was my first thought, I decided to get the residency out of the way. So I went to Brooklyn, because ten percent of Brook- lyn at that point, and I guess still today, is Haitian. Jean-Bertrand Aristide of Haiti

CLASS OF 1967 41 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE I went, and we started working on that. Aristide Then I went to Hopkins to do the international took power in February of ’91, and in September, health degree, and started the practicum year with a there was a coup, and he was exiled. So I stayed on six-month period working with the Pan American for a few months after that in Port-au-Prince, work- Health Organization (PAHO) in Guyana on a vacci- ing with human rights organizations from the nation program. I still had six more months to go States that came to investigate the human rights to get my credential in international health, when conditions under the coup. I stayed on until the there was a crisis in the AFSC program. Aristide end of the year, by which point it was clear that had returned to power. The AFSCS made me the the coup was not going to be reversed anytime interim director while finding a new director. That soon. Parenthetically, the AFSC community devel- was a six-month commitment. I had to leave the opment program, with an emphasis on the poor, training program at Hopkins, which I ended up never organizing, et cetera, was exactly the kind of thing getting back to, because one thing led to another. that the coup was intended to stop and the program But I was able to do all this and hold onto my job had to shut down. in Brooklyn by going back and forth. So that lasted At that point, I decided to leave, and came back, and until the year 2000, at which point I moved on to found a position in Brooklyn at a different hospital, another position. in a very Haitian community. It was a program that Over the next year or so, I was taking Spanish lessons had a family medicine residency, I took a position in both the Dominican Republic and Cuba, and there, and it turned out that, right at that moment, doing odd things, but I didn’t have a regular full- they had just received a grant for some community time job. I was planning to go to Nicaragua in work, and they didn’t really know how to use it. 2001. After taking the lessons in the Dominican Based on my experiences with the village health Republic and Cuba, I also took a John Rassias course workers, I had a lot of ideas about similar programs during the summer, in July of 2001, at Dartmouth. that could be used in the inner city setting in the Dartmouth had become famous for having a sum- U.S. I got to manage a part of the grant, and develop mer intensive language course, and Rassias was a a community health worker program there, which professor of modern languages who was famous for was really exciting. It helped people navigate the his methodology for teaching living languages and healthcare system, and so the community health making people conversational fairly well and quick- workers were both educators and helpers in navigat- ly. So there was an intensive course that I went to ing the system. We had representatives from many in Spanish at Dartmouth before going to Nicaragua of the immigrant communities who could help to plan with some people in the university what explain to their communities how to access the I might do there. Then the September 11th attacks healthcare system, and also learn about health issues. occurred, which were very disorienting to me. I felt Of course HIV was very troublesome at that point. the need to try to do something to respond in a way At that point, there was no treatment yet for it, so that made sense, and avoided U.S. overreaction. it was a very big issue, and certainly very present I really spun my wheels for a few months, but did in Brooklyn. I stayed on there for a couple of years. not go to Nicaragua, and eventually reached the I had always had the intent of getting a master’s in point where I decided to find a new job, this time public health and in international health, hoping in Philadelphia. And I worked for a consortium of that I would find some kind of paying job, because federally-qualified health centers, and I worked at all of what I had done up to that point was as a a couple of different ones on different days of the volunteer. week. My main one was a place where I had always In 1995, after a couple of years working in this set- wanted to work, which was in the neighborhood ting in Brooklyn, I went to Johns Hopkins for a one- that I had grown up in. I worked there for a year or year residency in preventive medicine with a focus two, and actually this was the period leading up, in international health. The format for that was a of course, to the Iraq invasion of 2003. I became year of classes, and then a year of practicum with involved again with human rights activists who rotating practical experiences. I had worked with over the years in Philadelphia. I was also going back and forth to Haiti, doing some My most recent arrest was with a group of them. We undercover, or surreptitious, organizing-training of sat in in Senator Santorum’s office, probably in Janu- the people who had been identified to become vil- ary 2003, demanding that he take a stand against the lage health workers. The coup-makers were still in Iraq War to prevent the invasion—knowing full well, power. My chairman at the time was very support- of course, that he was not about to do that. When he ive, and so I was able to go for weeks, and in one wouldn’t “meet our demands,” we sat in in his office. case, months at a time to do that. About 10 of us were arrested, but we were just sen- tenced to a few hours of community service.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 42 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE I didn’t get along very well with the medical direc- a moral life, even a just life, more than I would tors of the consortium of clinics, so in late 2003 or suspect of most of our classmates. You have done 2004, I left that position, and again, was at loose noble work on the Vietnam War, on civil rights, ends. I was still working with the AFSC program in on Nicaragua and Haiti, and just helping people. Haiti with periodic trips back and forth. I appreciate that. I appreciate your saying that. Thank Then, in 2005, my mother had a stroke and was in you. I’ve tried. the early stages of Alzheimer’s, so I became her near- ly full-time caretaker. The stroke made her physically Anything else you want to say? incapacitated. That is pretty much what I was doing I’m just remembering one other thing. I’ve also been from 2005 to 2007. involved tangentially in organizations fighting cli- In 2007, I had decided to go back to work again out- mate change, and this is just a nice little anecdote. side the house, and my sister and I found a Haitian Two years ago, I was connected to an organization person to be a nearly full-time health coordinator called the Chesapeake Climate Action Network. for my mother. My chairman from Brooklyn had They were having a demonstration in Baltimore to moved on to a hospital in the Bronx, and I had try to stop the construction of a liquefied natural become, within the American Public Health Associ- gas processing center on the Chesapeake. I was at ation, involved with the Community Health Worker the demonstration, and I saw a guy there with a Caucus, which was a developing national organiza- green baseball cap with a familiar-looking white D tion trying to advance the concept of community on it. So I went up to him and said, “Would this health workers. I wanted to take a community health have anything to do with a school in New Hamp- worker program into a residency training program, shire?” And it turned out it was John Rhead from so that the residents would come to see how useful our class, and so that was a very nice discovery, a community health workers can be, in terms of car- classmate. We spent the rest of the day together. In ing for their patients. fact, when I was hesitating to participate in this I knew from the past experience that my former project, he was telling me I had to do it! And then chair would welcome that idea, so I took it to him, the other person from our class that I’ve had some and he was interested. And we have instituted a com- recent connection with is through the Dartmouth munity health worker program. So I’ve been working Alumni for Climate Action. Dick Clapp is very for the program in the Bronx Lebanon Hospital, the involved in that. He is clearly the most important family medicine residency there, since 2007. I was person in that organization. pretty much involved with the community health And he did some work on Agent Orange as part worker program in the first three years. It’s still an of his practice. ongoing program, has taken a shape which isn’t totally what I had hoped for, but it’s still quite good. Right, right. I’m proud of what that program does. At this point, This is fabulous. Again, I do congratulate on a my whole focus has been supervising the residents life well lived, and I think you deserve a lot of as they see patients in the clinic setting. praise for it. We are up to date, and I have to say, I’m extreme- ly impressed that you have had a very active life,

CLASS OF 1967 43 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Reflections on Indochina Robert A. Burka

The following was originally to be the basis of an arti- However, the audience, primarily Dartmouth cle I was going to submit to the Dartmouth Alumni seniors, entered Spaulding Auditorium that Monday Magazine, an article triggered by events related to the evening, all in the compulsory jackets and ties and commencement of the “Arab Spring” in 2011. However, in a state of visible unhappiness at the anticipation I got sidetracked by personal events unrelated to either of having to listen to another talk, expected to be the DAM or the Arab Spring, and as a result, it became boring, on some esoteric subject. Prof. Hilsman stale, and I did not finish writing it. The research, how- picked up the Class’s collective demeanor and went ever, was completed in 2011, and when I wrote this note, I had been staring at Roger Hilsman’s New York Times After sitting on the dais and obituary, which I had cut out and kept on my desk as scribbling on cards, he stood up and gave a reminder of the story related below. Prof. Hilsman died on February 23, 2014, and this piece was written one of the most stirring talks I have ever heard. the following fall. Robert A. Burka After World War II, the then-new Dartmouth Presi- dent John Sloan Dickey, a lawyer, internationalist, to the podium and announced, as I recall, “The and former senior State Department official, created natives are restless … .” Loud cheers. He then added, a lecture course for Dartmouth seniors to help pre- again as I recall, “You do not want to hear my talk pare them for the world outside Hanover, and in … .” More cheers. particular, to participate in the greater role that the He then offered to hold a vote on three alternative United States was to play in world affairs. topics, and the “winner” was the growing American This Great Issues lecture series, a course required of military presence in Indochina and the related all seniors to graduate, was intended to bring impor- hostilities. He stated that he would need a few tant speakers in a variety of fields to educate grad- minutes to organize his notes. After sitting on the uating Dartmouth students outside the narrow dais and scribbling on cards, he stood up and gave structures of traditional courses, at a time when one of the most stirring talks I have ever heard, par- Dartmouth was in many respects isolated from the ticularly on this subject. international scene. There was no Interstate High- Prof. Hilsman had an unusual background for an way System, no television in the Upper Valley, and academic. He was the son of a career Army officer, limited direct access to events unfolding abroad. and he attended West Point during World War II. The Great Issues course was abolished prior to the Upon graduation, he was assigned to Southeast Asia 1966 –67 school year. Theater, and he eventually joined the Merrill’s By the mid-1960s, this well-intentioned course had Marauders long-range penetration jungle warfare unit, degraded, a function of Hanover’s being less isolat- fighting the Japanese during the Burma Campaign. ed, and apparently, a After the war, the Army sent him to Yale, where he decline in the quality earned a PhD in political science, and he subse- of speakers, which in quently resigned his commission and entered aca- the 1940s had includ- demic life, followed by government service. ed people like Dean Acheson, President He joined the State Department staff at the begin- Truman’s Secretary of ning of the Kennedy Administration and served as State, and Leon Key- Assistant Secretary of State for Far Eastern Affairs serling, one of the in 1963–64, when he resigned (or was fired by the first Chairs of the Johnson Administration). At that point, he joined President’s Council of the Columbia faculty, of which he was a member at Economic Advisors. On the time of his talk in Spaulding Auditorium. Roger Hilsman Jr. in the March 1, 1965, Roger As the Daily Dartmouth described Prof. Hilsman on early 1960s Hilsman Jr., then a March 1, 1965, in anticipation of his talk that Professor of Govern- evening, “[a]lmost immediately after he was con- ment at Columbia, was scheduled to finish the firmed as Assistant Secretary of State, the most vio- winter term lecture series with a talk entitled “The lent anti-Diem demonstrations were just starting Making of American Foreign Policy.” in Vietnam.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 44 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE why the United States had not intervened behind the scenes to stop these debilitating events. Prof. Hilsman responded to the effect that the Republic of Vietnam was an independent country, and the United States should not try to intervene in its internal governmental affairs. And even if it did, any American interference related to the make- up of the central government would be ineffective. Thus, my surprise when the New York Times and other newspapers published excerpts of the “Pentagon Papers” in the spring and early summer of 1971. For example, the Chicago Sun-Times reported on June Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General 23, 1971, that Prof. Hilsman had “recommended [in Maxwell D. Taylor, Secretary of Defense, Robert S. an August 30, 1963, memo that] the United States McNamara, and President John F. Kennedy on encourage and assist a coup against Mr. Diem,” the October 2, 1963. then President of the Republic of Vietnam. The New York Times similarly reported, approximate- These demonstrations eventually led to the over- ly a week later, in connection with a memo of a throw of the Diem regime and the death of the meeting within the Kennedy Administration about Vietnamese strongman. Further, as the Daily Dart- whether to push for a coup d’état in Saigon. mouth article noted, Prof. Hilsman “had served in a Prof. Hilsman’s role in precipitating the first coup guerilla unit in World War II and had done exten- and the consequent governmental destabilization sive study in the fields of national security and was further described by former guerilla warfare.” Secretary of Defense Robert Prof. Hilsman’s talk, delivered almost on an ad-lib McNamara in his book, In Retro- basis after only a few minutes of outlining, was illu- spect: The Tragedy and Lessons of minating; he described in detail the attractions, Vietnam. indeed the excitement, of jungle warfare for the In the 1995 book, Secretary impoverished natives of Indochina and the difficult McNamara wrote that “the dynamic that the American military was facing in United States had set in motion trying to create an effective force in opposition, a a military coup, which I believe problem exacerbated by the then unstable govern- was one of the truly pivotal deci- ments in Saigon and the endemic corruption. sions concerning Vietnam made After the talk, which lasted the better part of an hour, during the Kennedy and Johnson administrations. he took questions. One was especially poignant. The man who took the initiative was Roger In substance, as I recall, Hilsman was asked why Hilsman, Jr.” the United States tolerated the seemingly constant This about the man who told the Dartmouth senior coups d’état, with the attendant inability for the class in 1965 that the United States should not try South Vietnamese government to develop a follow- to intervene in internal governmental affairs of an ing among its citizens or for it to organize the nec- independent country. essary military effort. Implicit in the question was

CLASS OF 1967 45 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Vietnam Veterans and Agent Orange Dick Clapp

I was worried about the expanding war in Vietnam New Jersey. It was my first experience of going to while a Dartmouth undergraduate in the mid-1960s such an event, and it made a profound impact on and was learning about the politics of the growing me at the time. Dave Hough was there, and he and U.S. engagement from discussions with classmates I have talked about it several times over the years. and faculty such as Jonathan Mirsky. I took part in While I was at Columbia, the draft lottery was insti- the vigils on the Green at noon on weekdays in the tuted and my birthdate was number 12, so I knew spring of 1967, and, like many classmates, I wore a I was going to have to deal with the draft at some white armband at our graduation. This was a sym- point. As I was preparing to resign from medical bolic protest against the war, although I don’t recall school, I applied for conscientious objector status the exact details. with my local draft board. What that meant was that After graduation, I participated in “Vietnam Sum- I had to appear for my draft physical at the White- mer” by going to speak about the war at a local hall Street induction center in lower Manhattan. summer camp, working on a summer school dance As part of my preparation for that, I got a friend who which we called a “Vietcotheque,” and various other was an orthopedic surgery resident at Presbyterian consciousness-raising activities. I remember reading Hospital to write a letter about my flat feet (pes The United States in Vietnam, by Kahin and Lewis, as planus, as they say in the trade). The physician at part of the background for our work that summer. the induction center looked at the letter, looked at In September 1967, I started medical school at my feet, and gave me a 1-Y deferment. This meant Columbia University College of Physicians and I never got classified as a C.O., but I had already Surgeons. This meant I had a deferment and was started a public health job in 1970 that would have unavailable for the military draft that was affecting qualified as alternative service, so I kept doing that. so many of our generation at the time. It also meant that I was a student at a university that was being convulsed by both the war in Vietnam and the civil rights movement as it was being expressed in the Harlem and Washington Heights communi- ties at the time. Martin Luther King was assassinated on April 4, 1968, and the Harlem community was smoldering in the aftermath. There was a militant student sit-in at Columbia’s Morningside Heights campus at the end of April, which ended with a violent confronta- tion with New York City police. The demands of the student sit-in included an end to the universi- ty’s participation in weapons research, and aban- donment of plans to build a gymnasium in Morningside Park that would have encroached on public parkland. I was part of an organization of medical and nursing students called the Student Health Organization, and I was co-director of the 1968 summer project in Harlem where we worked to increase screening for lead poisoning in young children. Jerry Billow and I roomed together that summer, while he worked on a law school summer project in Newark. This is where I got interested in public health and began to diverge from my medical school path and even- tually to “resign” from Columbia in order to work in public health. We heard that Bill Smoyer was killed, and we attend- ed a memorial for him that summer in Princeton, Columbia University protest in 1968

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 46 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE One of the responsibilities I had was to see what we veterans agreed not to pursue any future claims could do to improve prison health services in the against the companies. The Federal Court Judge, New York City prisons and at the prison hospital Jack Weinstein, maintained that the settlement on Rikers Island. Although we made some improve- was fair, given the limited evidence at that time ments in the early 1970s, they were short-lived, and that Agent Orange caused cancer and other serious the conditions, especially the lack of mental health health effects. services in City correctional facilities, are still the In parallel with the national veterans’ lawsuit, gov- subject of disturbing news stories. ernment agencies in New Jersey and Massachusetts After two years working in the New York City pub- began research projects to determine the health lic health system, I moved to Boston and became impacts of Agent Orange on veterans who resided the deputy director of the Prison Health Project in in our states. In Massachusetts, we had a state bonus the Massachusetts state prison system. The Com- system that gave cash bonuses to veterans who were missioner of Public Health at the time urged me to in the military during the Vietnam war era and that go back and finish a public health degree, and he wrote a letter supporting my application to the Harvard School of Public Health. He said, among Although I didn’t actually serve in the military other things, that he thought I could be a professor or go to Vietnam, I feel like I’ve been of public health at some point. documenting the impact on those who did At the time, I had no interest in an academic career, for the past 30 years or more. but it turns out he was prescient, and I eventually Dick Clapp became a professor. But in 1973, I got accepted and graduated from Harvard with my Master’s in Public Health degree in 1974. I watched the war in distinguished those who had served “in-country” Vietnam end and the U.S. troops withdraw, but I in Vietnam from those who served elsewhere. had no direct involvement with the Agent Orange Using this information, we produced a report that issue until 1980 when I was the founding Director showed a nearly nine-fold increase in deaths due of the Massachusetts Cancer Registry in the to soft tissue sarcoma in the “in-country” veterans. Department of Public Health. We also showed significantly increased deaths due By the late 1970s, Vietnam veterans began to notice to motor vehicle accidents, suicides, and kidney increased cancer in those who had been exposed to cancer in Vietnam veterans as compared to other Agent Orange sprayed during 1960s. The herbicide veterans from the same era. Two of us in the was a mixture of 2,4-D and 2,4,5-T, and it was con- Department of Public Health did the statistical taminated during production and contained sub- analysis, with financial support from another state stantial amounts of tetrachlorodibenzo-p-dioxin agency, the Office of the Commissioner of (TCDD). Agent Orange had been produced by Dow Veterans Services. Chemical, Monsanto Corporation, Diamond As we began to discuss the report within our agency, Shamrock, and Syntex Agribusiness, among others, the Deputy Commissioner of Public Health initial- and attorneys representing U.S. veterans filed a class ly argued that our analysis was “preliminary” and action lawsuit against several of these companies should not be released. He was eventually over- in 1980. ruled, and we proceeded to write a formal report The outcome of the lawsuit was a settlement, in summarizing our methods and results. 1984, in which seven chemical companies agreed The release of the Massachusetts report, which to pay $180 million to affected veterans, and the occurred after the Agent Orange lawsuit settlement, received wide media attention and it spurred other states to conduct similar analyses of causes of death in Veterans in their states. Two states that had bonus systems similar to the one in Massachusetts, West Virginia and Wisconsin, did similar analyses and found similar results with regard to soft tissue sarcoma deaths in Vietnam veterans. The Massachusetts mortality study, by Michael Kogan and me, was eventually published in the International Journal of Epidemiology and added to the literature documenting adverse health impacts of military service in Vietnam. It also got me back Rikers Island, New York involved with veterans, and I have continued to

CLASS OF 1967 47 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE the coastal waterways by “brown-water” Navy craft and that this was probably the cause of his son’s lymphoma. He also was aware that his grandson was born in 1977 with severe disabilities and that this was also likely due to Agent Orange. Nevertheless, he said that the herbicide spraying was justified because it saved American servicemen’s lives. He was a charismatic speaker, and he gripped audiences with his dramatic personal story, but the irony of his role in the war was not lost. I had met other Vietnam veterans and document- ed the cancers they were diagnosed with in Massachusetts, so this problem had a human face for me, as well. Agent Orange tree defoliation in Vietnam The first volume of the periodic reviews mandated by the Agent Orange Act of 1991 was published by work on documenting the health effects of Agent the National Academy Press in 1994. The report was Orange to this day. produced by the Committee to Review the Health Effects in Vietnam Veterans of Exposure to In 1991, the U.S. Congress was considering a bill Herbicides, which was comprised of scientists who filed by two Vietnam veterans, Tom Daschle, of were generally familiar with the literature but had South Dakota, and John Kerry, of Massachusetts. not conducted Agent Orange research themselves. I testified in support of the Act at hearings before the Senate Committee on Veterans Affairs along Two of my published studies were cited in this first with veterans, scientists, and others concerned with review, and the authors concluded that there was ongoing health effects of Agent Orange exposure. sufficient evidence of an association between Agent Orange and other herbicides The legislation that eventually passed both houses used in Vietnam and soft tis- of Congress was called “The Agent Orange Act of sue sarcoma, non-Hodgkin’s 1991.” This bill mandated the Veterans Adminis- lymphoma, Hodgkin’s Dis- tration to compensate Vietnam veterans who had ease, chloracne, and a con- been diagnosed with soft tissue sarcoma, non- dition called porphyria cutanea Hodgkin’s lymphoma, and chloracne because these tarda (in genetically suscep- were presumed to be caused by exposure to Agent tible individuals). Orange and its contaminants in Vietnam. The bill also required the VA to support ongoing review of The review also listed respi- the scientific literature by the National Academy of ratory cancers, prostate can- Sciences to determine cer, and multiple myeloma whether other diseases as having limited/suggestive were associated with evidence of an association, Agent Orange exposure and then a long list of other and therefore should be diseases or conditions for which the evidence was compensated in Vietnam inadequate or insufficient to make a determination veterans. at that point. I met Admiral Elmo Over the past 20 years, additional studies of Agent Zumwalt, who was also Orange-exposed veterans and herbicide manufac- making public presenta- turing workers have been published, and the litera- tions supporting com- ture regarding the health effects has matured. I’ve pensation for Agent continued to provide testimony and have made Orange-related diseases presentations at scientific conferences and as part of during this time period. committees of the National Academies of Science He had been Comman- on this topic. der of Naval Forces in the Vietnam war and the There is now a much longer list of diseases for which father of a swift-boat commander who died of Vietnam veterans are now compensated because it lymphoma in 1988. is presumed that Agent Orange was the cause. It’s Admiral Zumwalt was acutely aware of the fact he been a very satisfying part of my professional had ordered the spraying of Agent Orange along career, and I’m sure my motivation was partly my

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 48 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE personal connection with Bill Smoyer and to class- birthweight births, childhood cancers, and several mates Warren Cook and others, including Nancy types of cancer deaths in adults who lived there since Smoyer, who wrote essays for our 50th reunion. the 1970s. My role is to be an independent advisor Although I didn’t actually serve in the military or to the former Marines and family members about go to Vietnam, I feel like I’ve been documenting the meaning of these studies. This was document- the impact on those who did for the past 30 years ed in a movie called “Semper Fi: Always Faithful.” or more. I’m also an advisor to a group of Vietnam A further study of male breast cancer, which got veterans who have been trying to get compensation quite a bit of publicity a few years ago, may be pub- for those in Vietnam who have been and continue lished before our 50th reunion. It’s another exam- to be affected by the ongoing impacts of Agent ple of our toxic legacies that have been the focus of Orange, although that has not been successful so far. my work since we graduated. One last connection I would mention, although it’s Clearly, we have learned that chemical weapons not directly related to the Vietnam war and Agent such as nerve gas and contaminated herbicides such Orange, is my decade-long membership on the as Agent Orange had long-term impacts that were Camp Lejeune Community Assistance Panel. This not fully understood until much later. This is also is a group established by the Centers for Disease true of some industrial chemicals that have led to Control to monitor health studies of Marines, severe illnesses in workers and residents of indus- sailors, and family members who were exposed to trially-contaminated communities. My hope is that contaminated drinking water while stationed on we’ve learned enough about these problems that we the military base in North Carolina. won’t repeat them and won’t bequeath avoidable The water was contaminated from the 1950s to health problems to future generations. mid-1980s, and there has been a series of health Dec. 27, 2014 studies documenting increased birth defects, low

CLASS OF 1967 49 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE My Vietnam Song Warren C. Cook

To my classmates: Marlantes, also a Marine lieutenant in Vietnam, I submit this song to you with some fear and trem- suggests that every combat veteran should have bling, some shame, but surprisingly with pride as a song about their war “before they can walk back well, after 46 years and especially the last 20, com- into their community … without quaking behind ing from over 100 pages of writing and after much the walls.” Further, he says, don’t sing your song soul searching. alone and also suggests “when the child asks what is it like to go to war, to remain silent keeps you Whether you know it or not, you have been part from coming home.” of this process, at least in my own mind and heart, and today, with humility, I carry my head high and As an aside, it is remarkable that he suggests a song, my heart open for you to see and even feel. As I look as music of various genres has always been an impor- back on it, I am not sure how at least some of my tant part of my life. family and friends put up with me! My song has three verses: My time in country; Low- It is with sincere appreciation and humility for the and highlights of my time after Vietnam; How my support I have had from Dartmouth, which has life was affected by Vietnam and what I learned. helped me to face the challenges and getting back The lyrics begin when I was a young boy in the up — my roommates, classmates, teammates, frater- ’50s, wanting to join the Marines. Following that nity brothers, friends from older and younger dream, I enlisted in an officer program just before classes, and professors like Epperson, Berthold, and my freshman year at Dartmouth College — a time Sykes, coaches, Jeremiah, Oakes and Lupien, Irving when Vietnam was not on the radar. Fountain, one of my best friends, Al Quirk, and more Four years later, I was commissioned a 2nd lieu- recently, Jim Wright. Some know my song, some tenant; a year after that, I had orders to Vietnam. may hear from afar. That same summer of ’68, two weeks after his arrival While the lyrics are hard, the song’s music is uplift- in Vietnam and five months before I deployed there, ing, and perhaps I will add another verse when I my college roommate and hockey teammate, Bill return to Vietnam. Smoyer, was killed in An Hoa Province. I do not expect a response, but perhaps my song Six months later, in early January 1969, I arrived in will give you a better understanding of “my quaking Vietnam and began my tour by serving as a platoon … so I can come home … .” commander in the northern part of I Corps, five months later as a psyops officer with a recon unit My Vietnam Song out of DaNang, and finally as a general’s aide based Over the past 20 years I have written bits and pieces about my experience in Vietnam and how it affect- ed me and others, nothing memorable but perhaps therapeutic? Then a request came from my Dart- mouth class to consider writing something about those times during and around the Vietnam era. Quite frankly, I won- dered what insights I could add to those divisive times and who would really care? However with the urg- ing of my friend Nancy Smoyer, an honorary member of our class and sister of my roommate Bill Smoyer, and the wise counsel of Karl Marlantes from his book, What It Is Like to Go to War, I decided to respond. Warren Cook in Vietnam

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 50 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE in DaNang. While I was already carrying survivor — with some reading and thinking about it, but guilt, in most ways my tour was easy, interesting the real pull for me was when my son joined the and in some ways even rewarding. Marines in 1998, 29 years after I was in country. My feelings about the purpose of the war or why As his own military career unfolded, serving with I was there were more about taking care of my the first unit to go into Afghanistan in November Marines and getting my job done. When I got back, 2001, right after 9/11, and then with the 1st Marine I did a lot of out-processing of young Marines, who, once they got stateside, got into trouble having never It took me 25 years to begin to even been in a garrison. There was no reentry support. think about our war and what happened, I began to question this complicated situation, but much less talk or write about it. that was really my only “Vietnam” issue at that time — other than the way we were treated out in Warren C. Cook civilian life! To the best of my knowledge at that time, I did not have combat stress or post-trau- Division with the March into Iraq in 2003, and matic stress, nor was it even a considered factor in three subsequent combat deployments there, and a those days. continuing impressive career up until today — little did I realize what was happening to me. So after 13 months in country, I came home, got out after nine more months, and went on with my As I followed him, as any parent would, the focus life. But as we all know, there were no ticker-tape was on him, his Marines and where he was, but all parades as we marched back home and restarted along it was validating my own choice to serve, our lives. It took me 25 years to begin to even which increasingly enabled me to look at, even think about our war and what happened, much relive, my time before, during and after Vietnam. less talk or write about it. Further, there were strug- The worry, the unknown, the pride of your own son gles arising from the anger at how we were treated, being in combat, not once but five times, was thera- the memories of being there, the survivor guilt py happening in front of my eyes and on my brain. already mentioned, among other things. With all this, I still had not come to grips with and For me, rather than dealing with those issues, I owned up to my lie; that happened when someone buried them, used alcohol as a crutch, and even lied questioned the accuracy of it on my resume and about what I did over there. These defensive mea- the question got exposed in the local and regional sures created discord in my life, for others around papers. I had to deal with it in a positive way, and me, and prevented me from looking at reality in I was almost ready. Quite frankly, the support of my own life. It affected my marriage, my growing my closest family and friends — especially my wife family, my friends, and my work. There was a and son — made the difference. phoniness about me that I used to protect myself. I worried that my mistake would affect my son’s If that wasn’t enough defense or avoidance, I went career. Fortunately, his Marine mates and senior offi- further and lied about my service record by putting cers were supportive — a total surprise. While I had a military award on my resume that I did not receive. made a point to reach out to many of them and while they supported me, in no way did they condone my Why? I am not really sure. Perhaps to draw atten- mistake. Marines I served with, along with other vets tion to what we were not getting, but the irony and as mentioned family and friends, all stood by me. was that very few knew about the medal — much less the lie. Thankfully, my dishonesty did get out. The other piece of the healing had to do with the constant memory of Bill Smoyer, who maybe The second verse of my song is about: joined, in part, because of me. He then lost his life What I did after my tour; the sorrow and shame leading Marines, so I felt somehow my dishonor had that came from it; how I finally looked reality in to be righted. the eye; how I came to grips with my dishonesty, On that note, it is almost 50 years from when I was avoidance, disharmony, and displacement — even in country, lost my friend Bill and others — and that to this day, and finally, how I detoxed, did penance, horrible time coming home. In many ways the real- and even got validation and gave restitution? ity of that time is more real now than ever; I can When the lie came out, my young Marine son said, better understand what we went through — the “Dad, it is not how you fall, it is how you get back tragedy and even folly of it, especially having read and up!” Another said, “We all sin; what we do about it reread the history of the French and American wars. is the game.” History does not read well when you try to under- I already mentioned that my awakening from the stand why we went there. Yet my experience there, Vietnam avoidance and excuses began after 25 years with my fellow Marines — as hard and tragic as it

CLASS OF 1967 51 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE may have been — is a life experience I will never for- get. I can even say I am better for it. My Vietnam Reprise I mentioned in verse one that I did not think I was On patrol out in the rice fields, them choppers flew low mentally affected by my experiences in and with Glancing for the hand signal to tell you where to go Vietnam, but clearly I was, call it what you will! This Then the bombs started fallin’ admission was not an excuse for my unacceptable And they pounded his brain actions, but it was real. And it took me a long time And he thought about Eutaw and who was to blame to deal with it and write this song — 46 years, in For sendin’ him to Vietnam fact!. That said, I was fortunate, with the help of my Marine mates, especially ones who did not make Big Time in the Jungle it back, and my family and friends, I did deal with it. Old Crow Medicine Show So my song is almost over: Sad. Inexcusable. Honest. And in the end, of course, a true war story is never Forgiving. Proud! about war. The third verse is some of what I learned not only It’s about sunlight. from what happened in Vietnam and those times, It’s about the special way that dawn spreads out on a river but also from the struggles that followed and how I live with it every day. when you know you must cross the river and march into the mountains and do things Exercise regularly you are afraid to do. Communicate and be open with yourself and It’s about love and memory. others It’s about sorrow. Keep your sense of humor, as laughing at It’s about sisters who never write back yourself keeps you honest and people who never listen. Listen carefully to music The Things They Carried, Ask yourself for forgiveness, follow your heart, Tim O’Brien have faith in something beyond yourself and keep your boots on the ground What do you do with the sands of time Spend time with Family and Friends — nothing When they carve out lines around your eyes? more important, Semper Fidelis works both I can close up my fist good and tight, ways and you have to work at! But I can’t hold back the sands of time. And that is my song, written in memory of Bill What do you do with a memory Smoyer and for myself, my family, and friends. I That just hangs around and stares at me? am home now, I can talk about what it was really I can tear the frame down off the wall, like with my children and grandchildren, and I can walk proudly. But it won’t erase the things I saw. Thanks to my son, Nancy and the memories of her There’s an old house key in the kitchen drawer dear brother, and Karl Marlantes for helping me To a door I can unlock no more. write this reflection. Sometimes I hold the key real tight, But what do you do after good bye? You Remain, Willie Nelson

Dedication To my dear wife Brammie and our two children, Nina and Bunge, who endured much of my long journey. Also to Nancy, Chief, and Jim.

In Memoriam To Billy, an ever smiling college friend, hockey teammate and Marine buddy. He was a Marine’s Marine, who died with his boots on, leading Marines.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 52 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE * * * * Some say space and time heal, and I have certainly had both, so now that I have faced my past in Viet- nam and have made the trip back, I can write and sing more about what I saw and felt then and now. As I have already written, it took me 25 years to write My Vietnam Song, after serving there as a US Marine lieutenant in 1969, some 47 years ago. That song in many ways, finally “allowed me to come home … walk back into my community without quaking behind the walls” (Marlantes). Introduction And it took me those 47 years to finally book my While I am not a writer, over time I have often tickets back to Vietnam, which I was able to do used writing personally and professionally to help after I wrote the Song. organize my thinking as well as work through feel- In my preparations for that long-put-off trip, I ings and conflicts in my mind and heart. However, thought and heard about what it would be like to it took me 30 years to begin to write about my meet the Vietnamese people, the formidable enemy time in and experiences after Vietnam. And it took that they were, both the NVA and Viet Cong, what another 10 years to translate notes and ramblings it would be like to return and go down that hard into something coherent, at least for myself. memory lane and at the same time see what I was Finally, with some guidance, like from my teachers often told by other vets was a beautiful country, of old, and a request from some Dartmouth class- with special people and, for me, even the possibility mates, those run-on sentences became words and of a restorative journey. paragraphs that made sense to me and maybe to One of those vet stories is remarkable, coming from others as well, and over a year ago those writings a retired Navy pilot, Porter Halyburton, who was resulted in My Vietnam Song. shot down in ’65 and ended up spending seven In a postscript to the Song, I mused that I might and a half years in the Hanoi Hilton. He returned come up with a few more verses if I made the trip home in 1973 and continued his Navy career, back to Vietnam. So at least that long struggle retiring after 30 years in. At a talk at the Naval War came to an end, mostly, through my writing, College, he said he survived his long time in more singing if you will, and it enabled me to buy a than one prison camp by exercising, keeping his round-trip ticket back to Vietnam in early sense of humor, and forgiving the Vietnamese, September 2015, some 46 years after I had served especially those from the prisons. And now he and there as a Marine 1st Lt. I call those new verses My his dear wife, who had to survive, too, have spent Vietnam Reprise. their retirement years returning to Vietnam each year serving two NGOs/non-profits helping the That second song has a different tone from the Vietnamese people. first as I was able to go back with a new perspec- tive and also look forward on the journey with a Another story and encouragement came from a wise calm and a hope. My Vietnam Song was a catalyst Army vet, now a retired high school teacher, who and a tipping point that enabled me to return to took groups of his students on bicycle and photo Vietnam after those many years and now offer this journeys from Hanoi to the Delta, which they loved new Song for myself to my family and my friends. in every way, especially the people. He often said the kids saw Vietnam with a different lens and helped As I was making my way along the Ho Chi Minh him with his own struggles. Trail and into the area I served, I sometimes felt like I was on a night patrol again, but this time the So in my preparations, did I think about how forgiv- bush was friendly, and I was able to see the past ing these people were and if I could be the same? and the present route of march much more clearly. And I also wondered what my reconnections to those As writing, walking, and hiking, and even riding 13 months in country would do, especially now that my motorcycle, are clarifying and cleansing for my story was out in the open, at least in my own me, so this modern day Vietnam patrol, a pilgrim- mind. Would there be a new beginning, a change age if you will, and the thoughts and faith and of heart, even a restoration or would the angst and things I carried, helped me walk in the truth. hurt and numbness of those times continue? My thanks to all who have been with me on this Before I left, I thought about the mystery and inno- long journey. cence of the before as well as the camaraderie and

CLASS OF 1967 53 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE tragedy of the after and hoped that perhaps this talking to others who had been back, including my trip, this return, this pilgrimage would lead to some sister, who introduced me to Sandy Dang, a Viet- kind of calm, maybe adding new verses to my Song, namese woman who was born in Hanoi in ’68, who and even forgiveness of some kind. I heard about kindly advised me on articles to read and helped me changes of attitude like Jimmy Buffet sings, and get my head right, then planning the trip and find- even transformation, from others, but was not sure. ing our good guides, all Vietnamese, and finally going Again, I wondered how I would feel about those through amazing photo books by David Duncan, people who had been such a formidable enemy ? Tim Paige, and Joe Swayze, and looking at a few of Before I left for Nam in Jan ’69, while my Marine my own, wondering if or how those hard narra- Corps schooling had included nine months of fairly tives and dramatic photos would come alive. rigorous training, I feared I was not ready to lead Speaking of photographs, my pictures of the land- men in combat in a world I knew little about, not scapes and people, well stamped in my mind, were to mention the politics of it all. The oft-asked ques- very black and white … and now the pictures came tion in our training, “What will you do now, Lt?” out in full color. was certainly top of mind. One other experience that had a profound effect Whereas now, I know what I did in my time there, on my looking more closely at my 13 months in and certainly I read about the “American” war and country and the preparation for the trip back was French war, both well chronicled in American and being the parent of a young Marine lieutenant, Vietnamese history books and plenty of personal and later captain and major, who led Marines, and accounts as well. And even today, the histories of still does, first in Afghanistan in 2001 and then those wars are still upon us in many ways. Those four subsequent combat deployments in Iraq. Not stories and histories are the realities of what we only did I feel that our son’s service validated mine, learned and did not learn for sure, but for me it but being a parent of a Marine in combat is almost was more what it was like to live with it all after like being there yourself, so in many ways he helped we came home … and the first three verses of my me face my Vietnam realities then and now. Song speak to that sad and harsh time in my life. Finally, I have to say faith, then and now, was a When I took the “freedom bird” home from force that carried me. Danang back in January 1970, no one knew what to We began our trip in the North, flying into Hanoi. say or how to act when I arrived, and understand- This well known city was far away from my Vietnam, ably so; my parents, siblings and other friends were where the POWs had been held, where the big in another place, and my recent girlfriend Brammie bombs were dropped, where that great nationalist King (now my wife of 46 years) was not sure if she leader, Ho Chi Minh and his able soldier sidekick was coming or going early in our “war courtship.” Gen Giap based themselves and built their revolu- While my numbness back then prevented me from tion. I knew the south but wanted to learn more seeing or feeling support, I realize now how impor- about the heart of the revolution. tant my roots were, my parenting and family, my home, my schoolmates and collegemates, my Knowing full well that this was a new country that teachers and coaches, my play and my places, all formed from our defeat, as I have mentioned, I was of that, along with my Marine buddies, gave me resilience, the will to survive and even accomplish my mission(s). And, as I look back, those anchors and my new family helped me through the many post-Nam stresses and struggles. So in contrast, when I left this time and through- out the trip back in September 2015, I felt amazing support from so many who were wondering what it would be like for me. I heard and felt their caring, which was in stark contrast to that innocent depar- ture so many years ago. Further, that support was fueled by our self-appointed public affairs officer, Jeff (my brother), who fed Facebook with almost daily pictures and short narratives, and the daily likes and comments were striking and even nurtur- ing to me. I prepared for the trip in many ways: reading and rereading everything I could get my hands on, Iwo Jima Memorial, Washington, D.C.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 54 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE worried how I would feel about these amazing American War. The small city was the French strong- freedom fighters who I knew as VC, Charlie, NVA hold, and you could see from the geography, muse- and “gooks.” ums, and war memorials how the recently defeated Our first three days were in Hanoi, and on out to NVA down in the Red River had made their way to the coast in Ha Long Bay, which showcased their the Gettysburg of Vietnam and through amazing culture and history, the beautiful and productive military strategy, and their desire for freedom, country and seaside, but also some startling displays reversed their fortunes and defeated the French after of the French and American wars and even their a long seige. 1,000-year occupation by the Chinese. But the most I was in fact overcome by it all as we sat at the main striking thing to me in those warm-up days was the War Memorial, almost like our own Iwo Jima Memo- many Vietnamese flags, which for me was the NVA, rial. As I was pondering their victory and wondering or the enemy flag. The bright symbol of a proud and about connections to emerging country that quickly raised the spectre of our defeat, our young my past. How would I feel about these people now? guide, the son of an But I was carried beyond that concern by the pace NVA artilleryman, came of the trip, respecting my traveling mates and the over and respectfully people around sat down with me, and us, as well as our presented me with his upbeat, youthful, father’s NVA veteran’s and well-informed pin. Beyond the gesture guide who proud- and the emotion of it, ly welcomed us it became a symbol for when we arrived. me of this forgiving I could see and and forward-looking NVA Veteran’s Pin feel that the cur- people that I carried in rent news about my pocket the rest of our journey, along with my Quyen, our guide in the North, this war-torn own dog tags and two other talismans that were whose father was an NVA country, a shining near and dear to me (one was an Indian bear and artilleryman in our war example of recov- the other a small rock, both gifts of dear friends). ery and entrepre- I carried the Dien Bien visit with me back to Hanoi neurial zeal, even capitalism, was for real, as opposed and then on our trip south, down the Ho Chi Minh to the stories of war, colonialism, and that dreaded Trail into I Corps and the area I served with my red peril. fear(s) having subsided some, giving me a new abil- It is curious that my excitement, anticipation and, ity to see, hear, and sense the sights, sounds, and yes, fear was as much meeting those amazing peo- smells on and off that famous supply and victory ple, revolutionaries for sure, not unlike our own route for the Vietnamese … . patriots of long ago, who have endured more than Before we left Hanoi, I took my friends to the famous anyone could imagine, as it was to go down memo- Metropole Hotel, a French 5-star hotel way back ry lane, to help me close the loop that was so much and restored back in the mid’90s, after serving as more about my past than I have realized. wartime offices and also lodging for various digni- Our war was only one chapter in a long epic of taries, including Jane Fonda, as well as a university unrest, occupation, and rebellion which has “mold- site. It was a trip back in time and somewhat of an ed these people into tough pragmatists but also irony in this communist/capitalistic country. delicate, beautiful, and friendly, rushing towards The next day, I must admit my mind was on how the future.” It is clear “we Americans do not seem to manage the traffic on our early Sunday morn- to loom nearly so large in the memory of the Viet- ing departure from Hanoi, me on an army surplus namese, as they or our notions of them do in ours 650 Ural motorcycle and my mates in an old … .”(Vietnam Then and Now, Christopher Dickey, Army jeep. 2015). And, of course they did win the war. If motor scooters and road systems are any indica- So, after the first three days we flew out to Dien Bien tion of Vietnamese prosperity, they are doing well, Phu to see where the French had lost their war, a and their driving courtesies allowed me to navigate long-forgotten siege that was supposed to end my way out into the countryside and soon to the colonialism …, but alas was only an omen to our Trail near the Laotian border. We were pretty nor- war. I read the histories about that “hell in a very mal tourists, even though our transport was unortho- small place” and wanted to see the precursor to our dox, and happily that gave us a better connection Vietnam War or as it is known in their country, the to the land and people.

CLASS OF 1967 55 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Our route of march went from Hanoi to Mai Chau, busy little and big cities, well commercialized, and a White Thai village where the Trail connects to many designed for their growing tourism, and impres- Laos, then on down to Vinh City and the birth- sive villages as well, some very clean and others place of Uncle Ho, as he was called, and then down somewhat dirty. The food at roadside stands, local to Dong Hoi, via the Phong Nha caves. Dong Hoi homes, and guest houses as well as in well-fitted is in Quanh Binh Province near where the great hotels, was fresh and delicious and supported their military leader Gen. Giap balanced way of life. The weather on our travel was born. He is revered as route was hot and humid with two days of warm much or more than his rain, with the familiar rainy season soon to start. partner, Ho Chi Minh. This wet weather reminded me that the weather We then went on to was, in fact, the Vietnamese competitive advantage, Quang Tri Province, along with their intense desire to be free. where I did part of my So now with our travel log complete, let me cite tour, via the amazing three experiences along our route: Vinh Moc caves, a key The Vietnamese, with their Buddhist traditions, do communication point in a good job at chronicling their fights for freedom the American war where in many museums and monuments, but other 500 Northern Vietnamese than artifacts and grim wreckage, there is very little Our route of march lived for 12 years under evidence of our side of the war or the French fight sustained bombardment. as well. But there is a constant reminder of how We crossed over the Hien Luong Bridge and the 17th they got where they are today, and there is also a Parallel that connected the north and the south, stark reminder of our war with continuing injuries that now has a new bridge next to the original one (80,000 killed) from leftover ordinance and the lin- along the four-lane Route 1. gering and very damaging effects of Agent Orange From here we picked up the famed Route 9 that or our chemical warfare program, if you will. parallels the DMZ, out to the border via Cam Lo, the However, it is remarkable that even with all that, Rock Pile, Camp Carroll, Khe Sanh — all Marine they welcome us back with open arms, and while bases and sites of extensive operations, battles and 60% of the population is under 40, they all have heavy losses. We stayed in Khe Sanh, now a small connections to at least our war. city, and then went across the Da Krong Bridge into The other comment is that while this was my first the beautiful Da Krong Valley and mountains, then trip back to “my” battlefield, I have had the oppor- to Aloui, near Hamburger Hill, Army territory and tunity to visit many battlegrounds — our Revolution- an area of very tough warfare, also, and then over ary War, the Civil War, WWI, and WWII — and to Hue City, the spiritual capital of Vietnam. We had those stark and real displays seem in many ways the a two-day layover in this beautiful city that honors same, especially when you get down to the personal the Chinese history and culture, even with current stories that are well chronicled in books, in monu- tensions, then went on down to Hoi An, just below ments, and in our hearts and minds. Da Nang, along beautiful coastlines and beaches along the way, then over the Hai Van Pass (rather My second impression came from our day in Khe than the new tunnel) and down into Danang, up Sanh, where I had never been before. It was the site and around Monkey Mountain, down along China of one of the signature battles of the Vietnam War Beach, Marble Mountain, and into Hoi An. From Hoi An, we explored this area, near Danang, in Quang Nam Province, which was where I was based in the second half of my tour. Our visits included An Hoa Fire Base, Hill 55, two ambush sites, and the ancient Song Ma area where the early Chinese of 2,000 years ago lived, which is still a center of Vietnamese culture. The route covered about 1000 km and was a kaleidoscopic recall of that time nearly 50 years ago. As I said, having been through the Dien Bien atti- tude change, the trip down was quite amazing: The bright, forgiving, and welcoming people of all ages and many cultures, the beautiful countryside that I now saw in such a different light and color, the Ruins in Quang Nam Province

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 56 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE during Tet of ’68, a 77-day siege — Marines, Army, NVA, and VC. We visited the site and the Vietnamese museum there, a grim reminder and somewhat of a meaningful tribute to all the lives lost on both sides. After an early morning visit to the battle site, we spent the rest of the day at two elementary schools, and I have to say, seeing the energy of these young people, the commitment of their teachers, and the significant priority that education is for these people and this country, was exciting and refreshing. And of course a stark contrast to our visit to the battlefield. My connection to these schools was through a non- profit that I became involved with through Porter Halyburton, the Navy pilot mentioned before. He and his wife spend a significant amount of their retirement in Vietnam, and they are not alone. Many of our veteran brothers and sisters have returned again and again to help in many different ways, including clearing unexploded ordinance and helping Agent Orange victims, many of them dis- abled children. And finally our visits to Quang Nam Province, around and west of Danang, were in some ways very different, with many resort hotels along the beaches and rivers, but the countryside and culture are in some ways the same, with much effort to hold on to past traditions. It was here that we visited the two separate ambush sites of Bill Smoyer and Duncan Sleigh (Bill my Bill Smoyer Dartmouth room and teammate, and Duncan a ’67 classmate), both Marine platoon commanders her subtle way led me there … and finally my other caught in rice paddy ambushes early in their tours hockey teammate and Marine mate Bill Jevne. For leading their Marines on patrol, the two sites just me their encouragement and caring made all the a few kilometers from each other, and in that same difference … . summer of ’68. And, I learned more recently, that Let us pray, First to my traveling companions a third member of my Dartmouth class, John Jeff and Joe, I am not sure I could have done Masters, also a Marine platoon leader, was severely this trip without the two of you being here wounded just after Bill and Duncan were killed in with me. Second, for the silence, the space the same “Dodge City” area. and the time that has helped get me here We honored both of our fallen classmates at their and finally my song and this trip has made all sites, and I took the opportunity to honor some of of the difference. my other mates from that time with the following And speaking of music, how can you not remarks along with the playing of the Marine Hymn. remember the music and the lyrics of that Nam Before sharing these remarks, a prayer if you will, song by the Animals,“We gotta get out of this let me say that in both early and even more recent place if it is the last thing we ever do … Girl, planning in my mind about this trip back, I never there’s a better life for me and you.”— The thought I would, or even could, go to these Vietnam veterans anthem. ambush sites, especially that of my dear roommate, And finally, maybe coming home was a ‘betta’ Bill Smoyer. place, maybe not. But coming down memory But I went there because Jim Wright, former Marine lane, I remember The Things They Carried, Tim and also recent President of Dartmouth College, O’Brien’s great book about being a grunt, and visited these two sites to honor these “loyal sons how little things are big things, especially in of Dartmouth” as part of his amazing commitment war, and for me, how those little things became to veterans and also because Bill’s sister Nancy, in so big back in the real world.

CLASS OF 1967 57 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE So now, with these thoughts, let me turn to Perhaps Neil Sheehan’s comment, (he is the author why we are here and to thank you both, my of A Bright Shining Lie) is appropriate “They, and family and friends, especially Bunge, Chief, so many others who fought in Vietnam, were as Nancy and Jim for helping me get here. great as any generation that preceded them. Their Oh Lord, We are gathered here today on this misfortune was to draw a bad war, an unnecessary hallowed ground to honor and remember Bill war, a mistake by American politicians and states- Smoyer. Bill died here in July 1968, leading men, for which they paid.” Kilo 3/7 Marines. He died with his boots on, My story is one small paragraph in that much larg- meaning he fought and died with his brothers, er history of our generation at war that was, for the ultimate sacrifice and no higher calling. many only part of our 60’s upheaval. A high school We often ask, especially his parents, his sister, classmate of mine describes that time so well: Nancy, and, I suspect, his brother, David, and Your time in ’Nam resonates with me, quite his wife, Mary, and the rest of his wonderful deeply. Like many of our generation, Vietnam family, did he die in vain? No one dies in vain was at the center. From 1965 to 1975, Viet- if he is doing what he wants to do, and Bill nam seemed (to me) the black hole around was clear about that choice to be a leader of which that decade floated. The music, the Marines. He cared about his fellow Marines protests, the drugs, the clothing, the long hair, and I know of no better way to describe Bill the changes in academic curricula, the attitudes than that he was the very best brother’s keeper. towards the “Establishment,” Chicago in 1968, But also let us remember, through honoring Watergate, Nixon, Nixon’s resignation, LBJ not him here today, as well as in the many days running for re-election, McGovern, free speech, past, he gives our life meaning in the fog of Woodstock, Altamont, rights for blacks and our war here in ‘Nam. Honoring his life has women, environmental concerns, open sexu- always been, and even is today, a gift of what al mores, e.g., getting laid occasionally. love and camaraderie really are, even in tragedy All of this, and more, seemed to float around and loss. the darkness that was Vietnam. Like many, I So, Bill died for his Marines, and even his family and friends, and for that we are forev- er grateful. What more is there than love for each other. Semper Fi. Amen So, yes, this trip was another way to honor my wartime mates, some still living and some dead — Bill Smoyer, Duncan Sleigh, Rob Peacock, Giff Foley, Mike Deane, Wilton Pyle, Paul Lafond, and Marion Norris, and their families as well and the so many I do not know, but who are far more a part of me than just the tragic numbers of the Vietnam War. The roll call of those that I served with is strong in my mind and my heart. And, I have to say that my honoring includes those many that I did not know who have died and those that continue to march even today with their own struggles. And much to my surprise, now I include these Vietnam freedom fighters as well … . My thoughts about my mates, known and unknown, caught in this war, make me think of the first time I visited The Wall, dragged there by my sister, as well as the French War Memorial at Dien Bien Phu and that one for the ages, The Iwo Jima Memorial. Also I remember Arlington and the many cemetaries where war veterans lie. And let us not forget the Bill Jevne and I at The Wall in front of 2LT William living vets who still struggle through their stories Stanley Smoyer, USMC, Location 50W, Row 28, trying to find the “sunlight.” 10/2/1945 – 7/28/1968

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 58 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE • 2,594,000 personnel served within the borders of South Vietnam (Jan. 1, 1965 –March 28, 1973). Another 50,000 men served in Vietnam between 1960 and 1964. • Of the 2.6 million, between 1 –1.6 million (40- 60%) either fought in combat, provided close support or were at least fairly regularly exposed to enemy attack. • 7,484 women (6,250 or 83.5% were nurses) served in Vietnam. • Peak troop strength in Vietnam: 543,482 (April 30, 1968). • The average time spent in combat by an infantry- man in WWII in a one-year period was ten days. In Vietnam it was 240 days. • Agent Orange is taking a huge toll on Vietnam Veterans and Vietnamese Veterans and civilians with most deaths somehow related to Agent Orange exposure. No one officially dies of Agent Morning, Hoi An Orange, they die from the exposure which causes ischemic heart disease and failure, lung cancer, spent a number of years making sure I did not kidney failure or COPD related disorders. go to ’Nam. U.S. Casualties: Then, in the late ’70s, the dark hole that was • Hostile deaths: 47,378 Vietnam began to almost haunt me. In trying • Non-hostile deaths: 10,800 to understand who I was, and what those ten • Total: 58,202 years meant and how they formed and informed me, I tried to “understand” Vietnam. Vietnamese Casualities: I read many of the books that you mention on • NVA/VC: around 450,000 the last page, and some others. But the more • ARVN: around 150,000 I read the less I could understand. I felt like • Civilians: around 200,000 the blind men in the fable who are trying to As I have already mentioned, this data, the stories, understand what an elephant is: One touches and histories of war seem in many ways similar; the the tail and says an elephant is like a rope; greatness is not a generation but how each takes another touches the leg and says an elephant care of his brother in any generation, any war. The is like a tree; one touches the trunk and says Marines call it Semper Fidelis. An old WWII Marine, an elephant is like a huge writhing snake, and “Archie V” (Gen. Archibald Vandergrift) best described so forth. All are correct; all are way off base. My Semper Fi in talking to a young recruit about to fascination with southeast Asia has not dimin- head to Vietnam: “Marines don’t endure the hell of ished, though my confusion has, fortunately. combat for any lofty principles. Marines fight because (Letter from Ed Yasuna, spring 2016) each Marine acknowledges the loftiest principle of all he acknowledges and accepts the responsibility The following data describes the raw reality of how of being his brother’s keeper. That’s why you will devastating Our war was. fight. You are a Marine and you will protect your So, if you’re alive and reading this, how does it feel unit at all cost.” to be among the last 1/3rd of all the U.S. Vets who An Australian SAS sergeant reflecting on the Battle served in VietNam ??? …don’t know about you all, of Tizak in Afghanistan says the same thing Vandy but kinda gives me the chills, considering this is says: ”To let down your mates in combat … would the kind of information we used to reading about be worse than death. I don’t (even) know why I’m WWII and Korean War vets.. getting emotional about this … . Yeah, that’s it — Statistics for Individuals in Uniform and In-Country that’s the essence.You don’t let your mates down.” Vietnam Veterans: Another thought from the trip is how fortunate • 2,709,918 Americans served in Vietnam; this num- I was to be able to go back, to learn, to heal, and to ber represents 9.7% of their generation. honor, with the support of a brother and a friend.

CLASS OF 1967 59 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE I was alongside them like I was with my Marines way back then, and in many ways that bond and support were the same — The Reprise of My Viet- nam Song. So let me conclude my “travelogue” with another brief story, on the occasion of the 240th Marine Corps Birthday luncheon in Boston, November 10, 2015, an event I have attended for many years. Our host, Tommy Lyons, a Vietnam Marine from South Boston, asked all Vietnam veterans to stand so they could be recognized, being the 50th anniversary of Our War. One of my Dartmouth and Vietnam Marine mates, who often attended the celebration with me, stood along with so many others in the room, honoring those there and not there. My dear friend later remarked, “That was the first time I was ever publicly recognized for my service, and I have to say it got to me.” Three girls near the Vinh Moc tunnels So, yes, I am so glad he felt it, yes, the Vietnam story will continue for each of us, for those who were Epilogue there and those who were not, we all were and are a part of it, and that motto of the Marines, Semper As you may sense in my songs, I often wonder where Fidelis, which carried us then, will continue to carry one’s personal story fits into our larger lives, here us now if we let it. I now know what that motto and now or before and after. How can my struggles means and pass it on … 50 years later I know where and failings compare to the loss of a buddy, or so I am in my heart and mind and yours, as well. many others in the Vietnam War? And as I said, when you visit the battlefield of another war or There will always be struggles, as those were hard read one of those war stories, they somehow are times but the space and silence and now our trip has the same as our routes of march and our stories. opened up that part of my life and maybe even yours, to a new perspective about then and now. When I shared my writings with a friend, he rec- ommended I read The Iliad, A New Translation by Caroline Alexander. He commented: “Homer’s words spoke poignantly to yours … and vice-versa.” He quotes some of Caroline Alexander’s introduction: The Iliad is riveted on what may be called the enduring realities of war: the fact that an individual warrior must risk his life for a cause in which he does not believe, or must subject himself to the command of a lesser man; or that a suc- cessful warrior needs not only skill but the good luck of being loved by the gods — and that these same gods are fickle, and the outcome of any combat mission is therefore fraught with moral uncertainty; above all that war blights every life that it touches. Compassionate and clear-eyed, The Iliad evokes the bedrock fact of human expe- rience, namely that every mortal being, even the greatest — even an Achilles — cannot escape death. And this terrifying truth is seen in high relief because this is a war story, and tragic loss and mor- tality are never more nakedly revealed Man wearing a Viet Cong hat than in time of war.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 60 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE and my journey to “sunlight,” as O’Brien calls it. However, there are a number of other books that were meaningful in coming back into community. They include the first three books I read about Vietnam in 1968 when I was at The Special Warfare School at Ft Bragg, N.C. — Street Without Joy and Hell in a Very Small Place by Bernard Fall, and No Exit From Vietnam by Robert Thompson — along with a number of manuals on counter-insurgency and guerrilla warfare. Then there was a long break until I read We Were Soldiers Once … and Young by Hal Moore and Joe Galloway, which I somehow picked up 24 years after I served over there when I was sick in bed with the flu. That tragic story in the I Drang Valley began to open the door for me to look at reality. Michael Herr’s Dispatches, two other O’Brien books, Going for Cacciato and In the Lake of the Woods, Phillip Caputo’s A Rumor of War, Jim Webb’s Fields of Fire, Two Souls Indivisible by James Hirsch, Matterhorn also by Marlantes, Up Country by Nelson DeMille, The Quiet American by Graham Greene and then the historical commen- taries, The Best and The Brightest by David Halberstam, Bright Shining Lie by Neil Sheehan, The Color of Truth by Kai Bird, The Embers of War by Frank Longevail, The Sacred Willow by Mai Elliott, Vietnamese farmer They Marched Into Sunlight by David Maraniss, and Fire in the Lake, Frances Fitzgerald. Also The Iliad, A Given the choice to live long and obscurely or to New Translation by Caroline Alexander, Anzac Day die with glory, Achilles actually chooses the former Dawn Service Address 2016 by Brendan Nelson. (changing only after Hector kills Patroclus); and his “speech makes poignant all that follows; from I also want to acknowledge a few people that I was this point on, the Iliad cannot be mistaken for glo- able to talk to about my experience/s in one form or rifying war’s destructive violence. Rather, it makes another over the years. I have mentioned my fami- explicit the tragic cost of such glory, even to the ly, also Bill Jevne, Nancy Smoyer, and Jim Wright, greatest warrior.” And so the greatest warrior of the but I also had talks with Col Paul Lafond, Marion Trojan War “will die in a war in which he finds no Kane, Doug Cazort, Marion Norris, Franz Jevne, meaning.” Joe and Joanna Swayze, Bill Engster, Jim Newman, Clay Pidgeon, and Paul Gigliotti. There were others Perhaps my friend’s perspective, and Homer’s wise where not much was said but there was an under- counsel, puts my experience and even yours in a standing. And my thanks to Jamie Blaine for his new light that gets us both to that longed-for sun- most helpful perspective and recommending the light and even understanding … . Iliad, A New Translation by Caroline Alexander. Acknowledgements And thanks to my editors: Bunge Cook, Brammie What It Is Like to Go to War by Karl Marlantes and Cook, Nancy Marshall, Nancy Smoyer, and Ed Yasuna. The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien were two Warren C. Cook important books for me in helping with this story June, 2016

CLASS OF 1967 61 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE The Impact of Vietnam Upon a Naval Aviator Douglas Van Zandt Coonrad

Learning about Dartmouth the trip and spent Friday night in New York City A guy who took my Explorer Scout troop on most before returning to Hanover. It was the most solemn of our hiking trips told me that both Dartmouth time I had ever seen in New York City — just no and Middlebury had their own ski areas, told me activity at all. about the Dartmouth Outing Club, and suggested There was also the civil rights movement through- that I apply to Dartmouth. I wasn’t at the very top out our four years on campus. During my senior of my high school class, but I may have been in year, George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama, the top 10 percent. came to speak at Webster Hall. Some students (not I interviewed with Jay Evans, who at the time was me) overturned his car and basically ran him out a director of admissions and the Olympic kayaking of town, which wasn’t a particularly polite thing coach. He’d just gotten back from climbing the to do. I had to drive through Alabama and had a Eiger in Europe. He saw that I’d done a lot of hik- Dartmouth sticker on my car when I went to flight ing during my high school years, including in the training in Mississippi right after graduation. I was White Mountains. We started talking about hiking, afraid the cops were going to pull me over and give and he started naming AMC huts and mountains, me a bunch of garbage for that. and I think he intentionally mixed them up to see The mid and late ’60s was a time of unrest over if I really knew them. I corrected him. We wound the war. It didn’t start that way at first, during our up talking so long about the outdoors that a secre- freshman and sophomore years. But during junior tary had to tell us the next applicant was at the year or senior year, there was a sit-in in the Presi- door to be interviewed. I think that was probably dent’s office. I always thought it was a bit of a dou- the moment when I was accepted. ble standard — students protesting investment of college funds in Dow Chemical because of napalm. Mid-’60s Dartmouth They were finally escorted from the President’s This was a time on campus when several momen- office. It bothered me a little bit and still does. I tous things happened. We were in the midst of the understand it’s the way you get things moved. That’s ’60s. President Kennedy was assassinated on a how you protest the war. Civil unrest works. But the Friday afternoon our freshman year while I was on same students who were benefiting from the endow- a bus with the marching band going through ment were critical of the way the endowment was Connecticut on the way to the Princeton football invested. I thought it was a bit strange. game on Saturday. We saw flags being lowered to half-mast. Somebody on the bus found out what Navy ROTC was going on and told us. We did go and complete I was in Navy ROTC, contract ROTC initially. I did- n’t get an NROTC scholarship the first year. I had applied and was an alternate, but all who were offered the limited number of scholarships available at Dartmouth took them. I marched around cam- pus and took Navy courses without the benefit of a scholarship, other than a small stipend. I did not have financial aid and had given up scholarship assistance elsewhere in order to attend Dartmouth. At the end of freshman year, I was concerned that I would not have enough money to complete col- lege at Dartmouth and applied to both Dartmouth and the Navy for scholarships. Dartmouth did not offer me a scholarship, and, once again, I ended up as an alternate for the Navy scholarship. Late in the summer, I was notified that I received an NROTC scholarship. This let me remain at Dartmouth, and I feel a sense of gratitude to the Navy for that. We had classes on recognizing ships and aircraft and on navigation. Also, every Wednesday we’d dress Doug Coonrad in the mountains, 1970 up in uniforms and march around.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 62 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE One course I remember in particular was celestial navigation, where you navigate by the stars. I ended up in the wrong hemisphere, which would have been fine, but the ship was in the wrong ocean. It was interesting and strange, navigating with a sex- tant, compared to what we have for navigation today with satellites and everything. I’m not really sure why we learned it because I never had to use it on the midshipman cruises I went on. I didn’t do my first NROTC “cruise” after freshman year. I did it between sophomore and junior year, and that was on a destroyer, the USS Forrest Sherman, the first of its class. It was getting ready to go into the Boston Navy Yard for repairs, and we Navy ROTC Marching Drill 1967 Aegis didn’t really go much of anyplace. We went around Cape Cod on one engine and then went into the A group of NROTC students from Duke and other Navy Yard and stayed there for the rest of the time places and midshipmen from the Naval Academy took a train ride north to Rome and spent three or four days in Rome. The Pantheon in Rome is my I think military service teaches you favorite building, and I went back there again a a ton of how to get along with other people couple of years ago. It was fascinating both times and how to run an organization to go through Rome’s museums and experience so that it functions well. things of antiquity. Douglas Van Zandt Coonrad After that, still in the same six weeks, we went to the Aegean Sea and the west coast of Greece, including Argostoli and Athens, and then flew while it was getting fixed. We spent a lot of time home. That’s not a bad vacation for a college kid! down in the bilges of the ship, under the boiler, chipping paint, and I probably was exposed to ROTC During Vietnam asbestos and everything else. ROTC at Dartmouth didn’t end until sometime in Between junior and senior years, I got to do two the early ’70s. I was upset by that because I believed, cruises, and those were each six weeks, so it basi- and I still believe, that it’s important that people in cally shot my summer. The first one was at the the service predominantly be people who are not Naval Amphibious Base at Little Creek, Virginia, to intending to make it a career. People who have a learn what the Marines and amphibious Navy do. liberal arts education and can bring that to the table. Instead of being on a ship, we assaulted the beach I have made friends who were at military academies, and jumped out of landing craft and learned all but I think the mindset is different. I like the citi- that kind of stuff. I quickly decided I didn’t want zen-soldier idea. I like the idea that people are not to do that. But I did learn something about leader- getting hardened to it. They know that it’s an oppor- ship because we were firing blanks out of our guns. tunity to serve their country and then move on to After I got shot in the butt once, I decided it was serve in other ways. I was raised that way, in the better not to lead from the front. I think I still do era of President Eisenhower and Konrad Adenauer that today. I prefer not to be the president of the — great statesmen, people you admired for their civic organizations in which I am involved, but courage and what they did. instead prefer to lead by working to motivate oth- Being in NROTC on campus from 1963–67, we were ers behind the scenes. It never ceases to amaze me not ostracized or criticized. There were no protests at how wiling people are to work for a goal once while we drilled. We were just fellow students. We the goal is identified and they are given guidance were not identified as being somehow different. I and a soft push. believe we were treated with respect. We participat- For the second cruise, we flew into Rota, Spain, and ed in many student activities and were not identi- met our ship in Palermo, Sicily. I was on a guided fied by our ROTC involvement. The unrest on missile cruiser, the USS Chicago. The top deck was campus at that time was directed toward the govern- ten stories up, with an elevator! We sailed from ment and toward what was going on in Vietnam, Palermo, where we saw beautiful mosaics at Monreal not toward fellow students. ROTC programs ulti- Abbey and Cathedral. We went from there to mately did come under attack by Dartmouth stu- Taranto, on the heel of the “boot” at the bottom dents (and alumni) during the last few years of the of Italy. decade and into the early 1970s.

CLASS OF 1967 63 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Rumblings from Vietnam I joined a fraternity, Alpha Chi Alpha, and some of my fraternity brothers had been on the ground in Vietnam — Army guys. The reports were not good. The films that we saw on the national news were not good. It was pretty obvious to me I didn’t want to be on the ground. A ship is better than the ground, but being in the air is a lot more fun. Flying is a whole different way of looking at things plus you as pilot-in-command have a lot more control over your destiny. We knew that the war wasn’t winding down and Airport at Post Mills, Vermont that people were being drafted. I knew I was going into the service as payment for my Dartmouth edu- many want to fly jets and be ‘zoomies’?” And cation; I knew I was going to end up in Vietnam; “how many want to — ?” and I was sure I was going to die. He drilled us into a frenzy. Boy, we just couldn’t Flying Lessons in Vermont wait! And then he got to his last question, and I’m When I was on the Forrest Sherman, I wasn’t real eternally grateful that he did. His last question was, happy about ships, and I knew I didn’t want to be “How many of you are willing to be a paid merce- running landing craft. I’d had an interest in aviation nary and kill people?” for a while, and I think there were about seven or You could have heard a pin drop. I thought, “What’s eight of us in the NROTC program at that time who this guy talkin’ about?” He said, “Because that’s expressed an interest in aviation. what your country hires you to do.” Rather than spending a bunch of money having us I have been privileged in my day-to-day life to start an expensive flight-training program and pos- counsel several veterans for post-traumatic stress, sibly quit, the Navy paid for 40 hours of private and I can tell you they were not prepared to do flight lessons in our senior year to see if we had the what they did. They’re having a lot of problems aptitude and desire to fly. We learned to fly at a with it. I’m eternally grateful that we heard that small airfield in Post Mills, Vermont. It was a little kind of speech. I never did kill anybody that I know grass strip at the time with a UNICOM communi- of. I was not dropping bombs in Vietnam, but the cations station, which is not much. You call in and question certainly helped me understand what it somebody might be there or not. With little traffic means to serve and go to war. control, flying there could be unnerving at times. I distinctly remember the first time I soloed. After A big part of flight training is developing teamwork, doing several touch and go landings, my instructor, like getting the fat guy over the wall. You did things without warning, had me stop the plane and got from belly-crawling underneath barbed wire, to out. She told me to go do more landings and she running through sand (which is difficult), to scal- would watch from the ground. I taxied to the end ing a wall with a rope and pulling yourself over. of the runway, gave it full power and got airborne. I saw over and over and over again in the military It was only then that I looked over at the empty that you take turns and help each other. seat and realized that I alone was responsible for the You would never fly a military jet if you didn’t have rest of the flight and its final landing. a cocky attitude that you are invincible. You just wouldn’t do it. The odds are against you, very much Navy Flight School so. I crashed a jet once, and I can talk about that When flight school begins, you don’t start by fly- later, but there are too many things that can get ing. You go through ground school first, where you you. You have to be convinced that you’re the best. learn about aerodynamics, how the engines run, Every time somebody crashed, the question always and other necessary information. was, “What did the pilot do wrong?” You are not The first day of flight training, we were in a room going to accept that the aircraft has a maintenance and the instructor asked, “How many love their problem. You are not going to accept that it’s the country?” “Oh, yeah, America is a great place.” fickle finger of fate. It has to be the pilot. I’m con- “How many would like to fly?” “Oh, yeah, I’d like vinced that whether you’re fighting on the ground, to fly. That’s neat.” “How many want to do this?” are in a tank, are on a ship, or whatever you’re “How many want to do that?” “Be the best pilots doing, that same mindset has to be there, that you in the world, be able to land on a carrier.” “How are invincible — you have to have it!

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 64 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Fortuitously, the next week the USS Lexington — the ship we landed on — had a dependents’ cruise. I got my parents on board, and they took 8mm movies of my first carrier landing and first catapult shots, which is pretty rare. In the carrier landings, you have to stop in a space about three, four hundred feet long. You come in, and there are four wires (arresting cables) as you go from the back of the ship to the front. On a jet, The USS Lexington the engine will not wind up fast and get you out of trouble unless In flight training, we started with a prop-driven you’ve got about aircraft. I wasn’t long in that because of the flying 83 percent of lessons in Vermont. thrust on it when But on my first day of jet flight training, nobody you come in to flew on the base because they were having a memo- land, so most rial service for a student who spun in from 15,000 military jets that feet and left a hole in the ground. That was my are landing like first experience (and one of several) with an avia- that on a carrier tion crash. It was very sobering, when you’re ready have speed brakes to have your first flight in a military jet, to find that come out for The view from the cockpit out you can’t go because somebody died. drag. A big door comes out on the side and creates drag on the air- After that, we got off the ground. We were flying a craft, so you can keep the engine revved up. T-2A Buckeye: straight wing, simple jet, one engine. I went through training to learn how to fly the air- The other thing we do that Air Force and civilian craft and then advanced to learning instrument pilots don’t do, is that we dump fuel. We dump fuel flight, to learning navigation, and to learning for- and ordinance and then come in light because you mation flight. Once you learned all those things, don’t want to tear off your tail hook or break the they shipped you off to Pensacola, Florida, where arresting wire. You have enough fuel to make four we did air-to-air target practice. They did that over or five passes on the ship. After that, you’re in trou- the sea rather than the land, so you’re not shooting ble and you’ve got to get to nearby land or eject. up people on the ground. I won a bottle of liquor As you come in, it’s a 500-foot-a-minute sink rate, from getting more hits than my instructor did on which is pretty fast, and there’s an Optical a target that’s towed behind another aircraft, shoot- Landing System (OLS) on the ship. There are lines ing a 20mm machine gun from my aircraft. of green datum You drop bombs on a target that’s out in the target lights that go range and in due time you go to land on the carrier. out at the nine o’clock and Carrier Landings three o’clock Before you land on the carrier, you take training positions. And where you do field carrier practices until you are to get the desir- deemed ready to land on the carrier. able “three- wire” landing, I had my parents coming down to Pensacola to be the “meatball” with me the week after I was supposed to land on on the OLS is supposed to line up with the datum the carrier for the first time. The week before, as lights. But there’s something else that’s very, very I was practicing, I started drifting to the right. That’s unusual, and it’s the only place in the world where bad, because on a ship, that’s where the “island” is, you do it: your runway is always moving away from where the superstructure is. You can’t fly into it. you, sideways, because the ship’s going in a particu- I don’t know if it was a vision problem, a nerve lar direction about 30 knots. You’re landing on an problem, or what, but they didn’t let me do the angled deck because there are other aircraft launch- carrier landing that week. They gave me a plane ing in front of you or stored in front of you on the and told me to “go out and fly, come back and do main deck. So you land on a runway that’s cocked a bunch of touch-and-go landings.” I went out and 20 degrees off of the heading the ship is going. As screwed around, did some acrobatics and came you’re coming in, you have to keep dropping your back and did touch-and-go landings. The problem right wing and you have to keep that meatball in went away. the middle to get the correct glide slope.

CLASS OF 1967 65 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE The other thing we do, because the plane takes off heading as I slid almost a half a mile down the run- at 23,000 pounds and lands at 11,000 due to fuel way to the arresting gear. I ratcheted down the tail usage, is that we don’t land by air speed. We land hook but was quite shocked that I didn’t get an by angle of attack. Any wing will stall and the plane arrest when the hook skipped over the wire. That, will fall out of the sky at a particular angle of attack. unfortunately, is when I shut the engine off. The For our planes, the wing would lose lift at 17 degrees aircraft went off the end of the runway. and we landed at 15 degrees. In short, you are Anyway, they called it pilot error that I didn’t shut always landing very close to stall speed, not at a set the engine all the way down. I brought it back to airspeed. If you’re low on the glide slope, you have idle, but I still had some thrust pushing the aircraft to add a little power. As you come up to it, you down the runway. The blown tires kind of screwed start reducing power and lower your nose. The it up and made me slide partly sideways down the adjustments are very small, but you constantly have runway. Had the landing gear collapsed, I would to make adjustments to remain lined up correctly, have not been able to get out of the plane because on the proper glideslope and close to stall speed. if you didn’t have 100 knots of forward speed, the What’s most important is what’s happening in close. parachute wouldn’t open before you hit the ground. If the ball starts dropping when you are in close, I was happy to still be alive. you’re going to hit the back of the ship. They did Despite the aborted takeoff mishap, I succeeded in show us movies of a plane hitting the back of the graduating and went to a squadron in California, ship and splitting in half, people ejecting — bad stuff. where they taught me to fly the Douglas A-4 My Aborted Takeoff and Other Incidents Skyhawk, which I would be flying in my duties in the Philippines, and perhaps on a carrier. After I’d landed on the Lexington at Pensacola, I had an aborted takeoff at my next training station. I Later on, after spending 18 months overseas, I had went to a squadron in Beeville, Texas, between San an experience where I had to land with no ceiling Antonio and Corpus Christi. We were flying the F9F or forward visibility, and the incident was written Panther, a Korean War leftover plane that had some up in a Navy safety magazine. At that time, I was a strange features to it. It had a single engine and took flight instructor taking an aircraft out to put in up a lot of runway — inadequate thrust, probably, mothballs at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base. I had for the plane. You had to strap in your legs with a to stop at an interim airfield. I was on final descent restraint, because if you ejected, your legs would and past the point of no return when they sudden- be severed as you went out through the canopy. ly closed this airfield due to weather. I was low on The cockpit would take them off. They found that fuel. The instrument I had on the aircraft could get out the hard way and made people use these leg me down to 200 feet and half a mile, but the ceiling restraints. Also, to put the tail hook down, instead and visibility suddenly went below that. I suddenly of just pushing a lever, you had to ratchet it out. heard flight center announce on guard frequency that the field had been struck by lightning and lost They really didn’t teach aborted takeoffs. I’d been all radar and approach frequencies. I then learned landing and knew how to do that, but those times that they closed the field. I had no choice but to I was only 11,000 to 12,000 pounds. I didn’t take land anyway. I busted my minimum altitude of into consideration weighing more than twice that 200 feet and soon found the runway. Fortunately, on an aborted takeoff. I was at the time an advance flight instructor in I got up to 100 knots (about 120 miles an hour) instrument flight. going down the runway. The person before me had been pulled off an arresting gear at the end of the Deployment to the Philippines runway. There’s just one wire there, and you get I went to Cubi Point in the Philippines in March of the tail hook down ’69 for an 18-month deployment and got back in and abort into that the fall of ’70. We were a detachment to a parent if you have to. squadron in Okinawa. The commanding officer of My aircraft did not the detachment was a lieutenant commander, and appear to accelerate he is kind of a sore spot. well. I pulled off Our squadron provided target service for ships, and power to idle and among the things we did was to pretend we were Arresting Gear in operation braked but did so too submarine missile shots. The ships had to get lock hard. Adrenaline was on us with their radar so they could arguably shoot rushing. I instantly blew both tires, lost directional us down before we got to the carrier groups. We flew control, and ground the wheel drums halfway down. 50 to 100 feet over the water at high speed until They found I was cocked 30 degrees from runway we saw the ship on the horizon. We then pulled

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 66 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE as ships left the Philippines headed to Vietnam. For most of them, it was their last readiness test before they entered the war zone. We did a lot of neat things and a lot of flying low over the water.

Our Commanding Officer The camaraderie was good, but for many reasons, we didn’t like the commanding officer. He had a car that was painted like our aircraft, and he called himself “Checkertail Bob,” because we had a “checkertail” on the vertical stabilizer of our aircraft so people would see us when we were towing tar- A-4 Skyhawk gets. We didn’t want them shooting at us by mis- take. The CO had his car painted that way, too. up, rolled inverted at 1,000 feet and aimed our air- Periodically somebody would put chocks — like a craft at the ship, rolling upright again enroute. The bumper you put at a doorstop — on the passenger ship had to get a radar “lock-on” and still have time rear wheel of his car, and he’d go out and get in the to fire their missiles before we reached them. car and couldn’t move because these things were We also pretended we were Russian MIGs and snuck blocking him from moving. up on them. They had to scramble the F-8 and the At quarters, when you start the day, everybody lines F-4 fighter aircraft to us before we got to the carrier up, and you talk about what you’re doing that day, task force. officers and enlisted people, and then they dismiss you and you go your way. One day, the CO More Target Work announced, “I don’t want to catch someone chock- One of the services we provided required us to ing my car. If I do, I’m going to court-martial him.” launch an AQM missile from the A-4 toward a ship The junior officers didn’t like the guy and put the and about 20 miles from it. The ship in turn was to word out to our troops, “Don’t let us catch you.” actually shoot it down with a Tartar or Telos missile. Wink, wink. After launching the AQM, we rolled inverted into a split-S maneuver (a reversal of direction along Commanding Officer as a Dangerous Pilot with a dive to the ground from an inverted posi- Three different times, that same CO put me in dan- tion). This allowed us to quickly get below and away ger, and I could have been killed. Two were in the from the missile being fired in our direction from prop-driven aircraft. the ship. A split S is a fun maneuver, as are most First: Among other services we provided, we ferried acrobatic or dog-fighting maneuvers in my opinion. passengers in prop planes. Once we were flying Try doing these with your Cessna! from the Philippines to Danang, Vietnam, a nearly Another thing we did was to drop flares off the air- four-hour flight. We had box lunches and had pas- craft. These were magnesium flares. The worst dan- sengers on board. We had an air crewman back with ger is that the flare goes off but doesn’t leave the the passengers. After I had my lunch, while we were aircraft and you have something pretty hot near on autopilot, I asked the CO, “Can I take a nap?” a bunch of aviation fuel. He said, “Sure, I’ve got it.” We also towed banners behind the aircraft for target About an hour later, the air crewman comes up and practice. S-2 propeller-driven aircraft had a banner shakes me. He says, “Lieutenant, wake up! Wake up!” on a power winch that would extend more than I look over, and the commanding officer is sound 1,000 feet behind the aircraft for the ships to shoot their 3- and 5-inch guns at. We also at times had a banner which was about four feet by 20 feet rigged behind an A-4. The banner was used for air-to-air gunnery practice by other aircraft. You had to drag that thing along the ground to get it airborne. Before you land, you drop the banner. We also had small remote-controlled boats that were used as targets, controlled from the cockpit of an aircraft. Some exercises were performed on Yankee Station off the coast of North Vietnam, but most were done A “Checkertail” A-4 from Doug’s Squadron

CLASS OF 1967 67 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE job, we would ask to do a fly-by alongside the ship at deck level. We had three planes on this particu- lar exercise. We were in what’s known as right ech- elon. I was the middle airplane. You can visualize it. The commanding officer was on my left side, slight- ly in front of me. I’m three feet away from him, on his right side but back a ways at about a 45-degree angle. To my right, behind me the same way, was my wingman. We were supposed to pass by the ship at about 500 miles an hour and peel off. It looks really neat from below, and it was fun for us. The problem was, my attention was focused to my left on the commanding officer and his aircraft. Close in, I looked ahead and suddenly realized that the CO was flying me into the back of the ship! I pulled back my stick and went home. I said good- bye and I was gone. The CO went up the port side, the left side of the ship. The wingman saw what was going on, and he went up the right side. I never flew with the CO again. The death of the CO. There was a book published about three or four years ago that hit me pretty hard. There was a guy who entered the squadron Doug as a flight student preparing to fly a T-2A just before I left. He wrote a book for his children Buckeye (1967) on making good and tough choices as he was dying of cancer. He wrote about a decision he made on asleep. There’s no doubt that that kind of thing the day the CO and three others were killed through happens, but it shouldn’t happen. And we had the CO’s stupidity. people on board! The two pilots were asleep, and They all went out to an aircraft carrier with prop the autopilot was flying us. I was starting to learn planes to do carrier qualifications, a proficiency not to trust the guy. operation. While this young pilot was there doing Second: Another time, we were doing an exercise that, the generator went out on his aircraft. That for the carriers in the Gulf of Tonkin. As we were would mean the aircraft shouldn’t be flown. returning to Danang, we lost our navigation The generator went down, but the pilot who wrote equipment. We could see the land visually. North the book was ordered by the CO to get in the plane Vietnam is north of Danang, which was south of and fly it home anyway. He refused to fly it. It’s the demilitarized zone. We were on the east coast of pretty gutsy for a junior officer to tell a senior offi- North Vietnam. If you keep the land to your right, cer, “No, I’m going to disobey your order,” especial- you’re flying south — and sooner or later you run ly if it’s your commanding officer. Anyway, this lad into Danang. refused. The CO says to three other guys, “Get in. The CO had a lot of hours in this particular type I’ll fly it.” of aircraft. He started pulling all the wires out and On a prop-driven aircraft, if you lose an engine you stringing them along the aircraft and saying, “Oh, need to feather the engine to turn it into the wind I’ll fix it. You fly.” I didn’t mind flying, but I did so that it doesn’t create drag. You can still fly on mind him having a bunch of hot wires out, strung one engine, but not if you have drag from an un- along the airplane. I said, “Well, look, you know, feathered prop. we’ll get this thing back home, and you’ve got The CO had engine failure and couldn’t feather it. mechanics that can fix it.” “No, no, I’ll take care of The bodies of all four aboard were severed when the it.” He never did get it fixed, but he tried, and that aircraft hit the water. We had to identify the bodies. kind of was tip number two. The aircraft was in a hangar in the Philippines in the Third. The third and final blow. We were out fly- heat. There were human remains hanging from ing jets, although that wasn’t the CO’s main flying the overhead instruments. It was a mess. experience. The CO was getting divorced in the States. He had We had finished an exercise for a destroyer. Its main a Filipina woman he had been dating, and she had deck is about 30 feet over the water. After doing our some quilts and other things that she had made for

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 68 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE him. I had to ship his remains home and his per- steep and took off steep. At two o’clock in the sonal belongings as well. And the question was, how morning, my wife attended a rum punch party at do you handle these things? We gave the Filipina the airport. The SEALS came out of the jungle to lady back some things that were hers, blankets and welcome the new team and say goodbye to the team things. Then, what to do with the guy’s liquor col- that was leaving. lection? Well, we did what anybody would want us to do, I think. He would have wanted us to go to Danang his quarters, play his records and drink his liquor. Periodically we’d go to Danang and do exercises. So that’s what we did – we invited everybody in On March 28, 1969, when I first went there on a and had a party. I did have the unfortunate experi- three-day work trip as a prop copilot, I wrote to ence of going to the lady friend to tell her that my parents. There was no other paper immediately she’d never see her boyfriend again. available, so I had to use a paper towel for this let- This stuff all happened before I was 25 years old. ter. I wrote this: No young person should have to do it, but young “We just got up at two o’clock on Thursday after a people are still doing it today. full day of work Wednesday to come over and pull targets for practice in ships. The quarters here are The Parachute Rigger substandard. The activity is amazing. There are We had a parachute rigger who was a congressman’s bunkers all over the base. Everyone wears fatigues son. We knew he was doing pot, heavily, but we and carries a gun. Concussions from bombs in couldn’t touch him. We couldn’t get rid of the kid. nearby hills shake the ground. Every 20 seconds We were told to leave him alone. flares go off. Planes come and go. The place in gen- We got some new planes in while he was there, eral carries a tone of a dusty Boy Scout camp.” and we flew those planes for six months before we I wrote that to my parents when they were 15 or 20 got a new parachute rigger. If you ejected, when years younger than I am now. I’d kill a kid of mine you went out of the cockpit, you were on the seat, if they wrote that letter! tumbled down to 10,000 feet and then get thrown I wrote to them frequently — usually not about that. out of the seat. As you get thrown out, there’s a lit- My dad was concerned when I would describe the tle drogue cartridge that explodes and opens up a flares and the missiles and some things that hap- small parachute that brings your main chute out, pened. There was a certain amount of concern. and then down you go. I don’t have a lot of the letters for some reason. We found out when this guy left that the drogue We often went to Danang to provide target exercis- chutes had been pinned closed for six months on es for the fleet on Yankee Station. I am a proud every one of our aircraft. He never removed the pins. member of the “Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club.” If anybody had ejected, they’d have gone straight to the ground. The Danang situation escalated due to another air- craft mishap, and I remained there for nearly two My WAVE Wife months. The Navy introduced the Grumman C-2 My wife, Sharon, graduated from the University of Greyhound, a turbo-prop, to carry cargo and pas- Northern Iowa, near where I live now, a year after sengers back and forth to the carriers. However, it I got out of Dartmouth. She was a WAVE officer, had an engine-mount problem, and they lost one or and we met in Lemoore, California, on Thanksgiv- two of the planes going to and from Yankee Station ing Day 1968. We dated in California for about when the propellers came off of the engine mount three months before I deployed to the Philippines. and went shooting through the skin of the aircraft. We corresponded and even dated some while I was overseas. We finally got married when I came back to the States in late 1970. My wife had an interesting experience while we were dating. She came over to the Philippines a couple of times to see me. As a WAVE officer, because she was a female, it was easier for her to hitch a ride on a military transport than it would be for me to come back to the States. One time, she was on a C-118 bringing a Navy SEAL team in to Tan Son Nhut down in the Gulf, and they landed at two in the morning, making a steep descent because of small arms fire. They came in Danang

CLASS OF 1967 69 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE They had to rapidly get to Danang a number of the previously used type of aircraft and people to ser- vice and fly these because the lifeblood of a carrier is getting supplies and people back and forth to the carrier. We had the closest squadron that had mechanics and the type aircraft that were similar. Some of our prop aircraft were configured with the target winches, but others could haul passengers and cargo. The Navy brought over a bunch of aircraft Danang Air Base during the Vietnam War and pilots from what’s known as ferry squadrons (in the business of moving cargo and passengers in This guy was a little bit goofy, and he played games the States). with the rest of us. He would get up at two or three Pilots came from all over and flew into Danang. For o’clock in the morning, play that damn tape, and about six weeks, I was the Operations Officer at listen as everybody ran out to the bunker. I thought Danang, scheduling all of the flights to and from it was rather sick, but this also was the time of the carriers and configuring them. I also flew copi- Joseph Heller’s book, Catch-22, of double-speak and lot occasionally with some of these other pilots, doing stupid things like that. The rest of us wanted and some of them scared the daylights out of me. to kill the guy, but that was his little joke on us.

In the Bunkers Camaraderie At Danang, the aircraft were kept in bunkers, which There’s a special camaraderie in the aviation com- protected them. The officers’ quarters had some munity. People who are on the front lines are in a technical reps that were paid by their companies lot of danger. The bonding is much stronger, the to come over to maintain various parts of aircraft. camaraderie is stronger, and the sense of duty and There was a bunker just outside the quarters that the sense that you’re accomplishing something are we’d go into if there was an attack with incoming much stronger because of the danger you are in and mortars. the necessity that you work as a team. You’d go into this bunker, which was made out of There were a couple of officers who were real idiots, sandbags, to wait out the attack. We weren’t too but for the most part, the camaraderie was very, stupid, but life was cheap. We had a big refrigera- very good. And it was very wonderful. I had a guy tor in the building that had cases of beer in it. We who strapped me into my airplane pretty regularly, would take the first case out along with helmets and an enlisted guy, and we would joke around. I was flak jackets and go out and drink beer in the bunker. maybe 23 or 24 years old, and he would say, “Lieutenant, what do you want to be when you When the first case of beer was done, under the grow up?” We all had that kind of give and take. “rules of engagement,” we rolled dice and whoever lost went and got the next case of beer. We never The aviation community was the best of the best had to get to the second rule of engagement, but it as far as camaraderie, both for officers and enlisted. was that if the first guy who went for beer didn’t The Training Squadron come back in 15 minutes, you rolled again. I also spent time in a training squadron from my I distinctly remember rolling dice among the bach- return to the States in 1970 until late 1972. It was elors. The guys who were sending money back to here that I began to more readily recognize differ- their wives were different, but the bachelors would ent styles of leadership. In the service, you get new roll for two weeks’ pay. We got paid every other commanding officers periodically. Some new guy week. You’d have ten guys together, and somebody would come in, and the first thing he’d do would got all the money, and all he had to do was keep the be to lock himself into the office, take all the stan- rest of us in alcohol. dard operating orders that existed, put his name on Life was that cheap. How do you justify that? How them, and make them his. And you’d think, “Boy, do you imagine it? You have to realize the mindset there wasn’t much thought process there.” of people who are in that environment, which is, The next guy who came in was worse. He came in “It doesn’t matter.” You know you’re going to die; with a big briefcase full of standing orders from the it’s just a question of when. previous place he was, and before he found out how There was one tech rep who had a tape recorder anything was working at his new command, what and used in maliciously. He recorded the “incom- the operations were and what we were doing, said, ing” sirens going off and the mortar attacks. As he “This is what we’re going to do because it worked left for the bunker, he turned his tape recorder on. at the last place I was.”

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 70 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Well, this isn’t the last place. Our mission is differ- him in once he is trained. I was flying 100 hours a ent. How we operate is different, and the personnel month and training students to go nowhere because are different. He didn’t care. He just said, “Here’s they didn’t have enough planes in the fleet for what you’re supposed to do.” That was awful. them once we got them trained. Many graduated The one we really respected came in and for the from flight training only to be given desk jobs. first month did nothing. He’d walk around, and say, The whole thing was just asinine. I kept warning, “Show me what you’re doing.” “Will you explain to “We can’t go on this way. We’re going to run out me what you’re doing so that I’d know what you’re of money.” His response was always, “Don’t worry, doing and how to do it?” And sometimes he’d say, we’ll find it. The Blue Angels do not always fly their “Well, did you ever try doing it this way?” “Oh, you whole schedule. We’ll get it somewhere; there’s did? How did it work?” always some left over.” It turned out there wasn’t. Now, we didn’t agree with everything he did when As a result of that decision, we went 35 days with- he finally came out with his orders, but we knew out anybody flying. None of the aircraft flew. None he’d considered every single one of us, from the of the pilots flew. Because of the delay, each one of lowest enlisted man to the highest-ranking officer. our students had to have an extra hour of flight We knew he had been around, talked to us and time just to re-familiarize themselves with where took our viewpoints into consideration. That’s they left off, and sometimes they needed two or good leadership! more flights, maybe three or four hours of flight Those things follow you later in life. I think mili- time. Count that by perhaps 80 students and you tary service teaches you a ton of how to get along waste a lot of money. with other people and how to run an organization An additional problem was that we had only two so that it functions well. The service also helps build pilots who could do safety flights on the aircraft. one’s confidence. The planes all had to have maintenance done whether flown or not. They all had to have a safety Flying on a Budget check and be flown by these two pilots before any- When I returned to the US in ’70, I ran the budget body else could fly them. It took us another month for the training squadron, where I was also an to get back up to speed again. It demoralized every- instructor pilot and the squadron’s supply officer. body. We’d go in and sit and watch highway safety I was filling a billet for somebody more senior than movies about dying out on the highway and how me, but they trusted me to do it. I was to plan and important it is to buckle up — just demoralizing. implement a budget to take care of fuel and main- tenance for 60 aircraft and equip all of our pilots Emotional Scars with flight gear. We had 140 officers (instructors and There are a lot of emotional scars. I don’t think students) and 400 enlisted people. The Admiral’s I have a guilt complex as a survivor, but I do won- budget staff would ask me, “How much is it going der why I’m here and others aren’t. One guy who to cost per flight hour?” And I asked, “How many died was our executive officer and a flight instruc- hours am I going to fly?” And then I could calcu- tor. The students don’t know they’re trying to kill late it out. you. They just don’t know any better. This instruc- Well, they later cut the flight hours for the budget, tor went out with a student; they had a problem; so now it’s, “We’re cutting your hours, and how the instructor died, and the student lived. The much is it now?” I said, “Well, the cost per hour has instructor had the second highest number of com- gone up.” They couldn’t understand why. I said, bat missions in Vietnam. He left a wife and three “Well, because you have to do calendar checks on small children. Those things should not happen, the aircraft every 30 days. You have to do this, you and they scar you. have to do that.” There are many fixed costs I used to think that if you weren’t in a war zone, whether you fly or not, and the more you fly, the you don’t deserve a lot of respect for your service. cost per hour goes down. I’ve changed that opinion because of what I saw One year, I warned the Admiral’s budget expert that in military training. Most of the deaths I saw were in we were going to run out of money by the end of training. The equipment you train with and then August and of the ramifications of doing so. The use daily is stuff that kills, regardless of what branch fiscal year for the military ends at the end of of service you’re in, unless you’re just doing admin- September. His response was “Don’t worry about it. istrative things. Keep flying the students.” I saw too many people die. In five years of flying I saw As an aside, it doesn’t make sense to push hard to 40 people die. Praise to God, I’m not one of them. get a student pilot trained if there is no plane to put

CLASS OF 1967 71 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Law School get up in the middle of the night, make some unflat- By fall of 1972, I had started a family, decided to tering remarks about enemy in the barbed wire, and get out of aviation in order to not be deployed and become tense and agitated. His wife became scared to be around to raise my children, and applied to of him. I tried to counsel him about what was trou- switch careers to be a Judge Advocate General bling him, and he said, “I had never shot a man in lawyer. I went to law school in Boston. While I was the back before.” there, if an atrocity happened with napalm or some- I said, “Look, you were outmanned. They’ve got thing, my classmates jumped me and would say, this big antiaircraft gun. You know, there were “Oh, I bet you’re happy over that.” I’d deny it, but more of them than you. What are you going to do, they didn’t believe that I wasn’t a hawk. I don’t say, ‘Hey, Joe, you wanna surrender?’ Next thing know a military person who has been on the bat- you know, you’re going to be shot. You’re a hero. tlefield who believes that it is all about killing You saved countless lives by what you did.” He others and that it is somehow glamorous. It’s not couldn’t live with that. He ultimately died a broken glamorous. It’s not fun. It simply isn’t a good thing. man. And it was difficult. Everyone I’ve counseled It may be necessary, but it’s not a good thing. has been a hero. My experience in the JAG Corps, and the reason Another guy went over and was a reservist who, I finally got off active duty, is that I had no respect during the first Iraq war, lay down metal sheets that for it. Operational people, I respect. Lawyers just became runways or roadways in the desert. But to don’t think in terms of getting the job done at all this day, if he hears a car backfire, he jumps. He costs and certainly do not have the same level of walks in a room with his back against the wall and trust and camaraderie as do those who are opera- clears the room before he comes into it to make tional. In addition, I had some issues regarding sure there’s nobody there. Again, what he did was flight pay and who was to pay for storage of house- admirable, but he’s got a scared wife and a scared hold goods for a brief period of time while I was in family, and he’s a social nebbish. He can’t go any- law school. Every time there was an issue, the Judge where because he’s afraid of everything. Advocate General of the Navy, my ultimate boss, The third one is probably the most troubling. There had to take the Navy’s position against me, his was a leadership failure on the part of the service. employee. That is not a good relationship. This young lad was sent to, I think, the second I left active duty and somehow or another, they let Gulf war. His dad (who told me this story) had me into the Reserves and kept promoting me. I ended liked guns. They’d gone hunting. He taught the up being a good officer for the Reserves and retired kid how to hunt very well and how to shoot target as a Captain with 26 years of service. practice. And the son was made a sharpshooter and Through the years, reservists got more respect, sent up with night binoculars to look at the perime- because as they were downsizing the active duty ter fence and call in anything he saw coming. He people in all fields. We were performing more and called in that there was “somebody belly-crawling more of the services needed. This showed in some to the perimeter fence, loaded with plastic explo- of the responsibilities and authority I was given in sives.” He was told to take him out. Then there was my last few commands. a leadership failure, in that they let this young lad, who was, like, 18, 19 years old, out of the tower to Counseling Veterans with PTSD see what he shot. They never should have done that. The kid freaked out because the person he shot After Vietnam, I did not have a bad experience when was a young lad about the same age as his younger I came back. I was a flight instructor, so I was in a brother, and he really freaked, and his father blamed Navy town. I had “been there, done that.” And all himself for teaching the kid to shoot. I mean, these young lads needed to learn the skills that I had, there was guilt all the way around here. I told the so it was pretty heady stuff. father, “It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of leader- But other people I know came back broken. People ship. They shouldn’t have let that happen. It’s not spat at them. The only person who welcomed them your son’s fault. Understand what happened. He’s home was often their mother. They’re suffering a hero. He saved the base. He saved people from now from Agent Orange and suffering with a lot of dying, and he did what needed to be done.” other issues. Again I think back to my first day of flight training One guy I know had been in the Army. He got sent and being told what the job was, and it’s exactly out with a three-man squad to go take out an anti- that. It’s not something you thirst for. You don’t go aircraft gun. He came back. He lived a productive out and say, “Boy, I’d really like to be Rambo.” It’s life. He worked. He got married, raised a family, a job. And it’s a job that you do, and you use team- retired, started drinking, reminiscing over it. He’d work to do it, and you get the job done.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 72 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE We had other people who freaked out for various reasons. There was a pilot I knew who was an attack pilot, who decided he was against the war but kept flying anyway. Schools and hospitals in North Vietnam blew sky-high because they were storing ammunition there, they were storing fuel there. That was his target. That’s what he was sup- posed to hit. He didn’t. He intentionally dropped his bomb short. His wingman hit the school. The school that the wingman hit blew sky high. The building this lad who broke integrity hit was indeed a school, and they had film of it. He went nuts. He turned in his wings. He was done. I was often asked in law school by my classmates, “Wouldn’t you be upset if you hit a school?” If indeed it was a school, of course I would. But I don’t take responsibility for that. Morally, yes, I’m upset by it. But that’s not my choice. I’m part of a team. Somebody else picked the target. I have to trust that. Like somebody else loaded the armament on the aircraft. Somebody else fueled the aircraft. Somebody else prepared it mechanically for me. It’s teamwork. It’s trusting each other and working together harmoniously.

Of course, when things go wrong, certainly you feel Captain Douglas Van Zandt Coonrad, USNR (1989) bad about it, and civilian casualties shouldn’t hap- pen, but they do. There’s always peripheral damage. that they were ashamed that they did not serve As I said, it’s not fun. because the war ended while they were still in school. Our 1992 Reunion That kind of dialogue opens up a huge awareness At our 25th reunion, the Class of ’67 held a sympo- of how others are affected, something we never sium on Vietnam and its effect. We took the Min- envisioned. Who would have thought that the war nesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) would have that profound an effect upon such a during our freshman year at college. Before our wide variety of people and situations? But it did, and reunion, we were asked to take it again to try to war still does. I’m not saying that we should never determine how the war had changed people. And go to war, but it affects the entire population in one they found that the personalities really didn’t way or another. change from the exposure to war. Questioning Service in Vietnam At our reunion we had a group get-together, and I didn’t question my service, probably because of some had actually been in the war zone in bad sit- the way I was raised. I sure as heck since then have uations. Some had been there directly; some, like started questioning authority a lot more. But I was myself, only indirectly. I was in harm’s way, but brought up to respect and honor authority, and peripherally. I’m not a hero. Hell, the reason I flew authority figures got my attention. In the service, the planes was I didn’t want to be in a foxhole. And you’re obligated to follow what you’re told to do certainly it was a lot less personal than the people by your command, unless it’s an illegal order or an I’ve counseled for post-traumatic stress. What I did improper order. I’ve been a commanding officer was probably in some ways less dangerous and cer- three different times, and I expected my troops to tainly was more glamorous and more fun. follow what I ordered them to do, asked of them. But some had not been on the periphery. The guys Whatever hours you have to put in, or whatever is who spoke to us told us things that they said they still necessary to get the job done, you do it. And it’s a had not told their families, had not told their spous- hallmark of my law practice that my clients know es, had not told their parents. Pretty heroic stuff. I’m available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Of interest were two classmates who took deferrals to I still feel a duty to serve, and I have all my life. I go to medical school. They explained that they knew serve in a number of capacities in my community, in members of our class were dying, that they intend- a small town of 2,300. In the later part of the 1990s, ed to help the war effort as military doctors, and we started a community fund to supplement the

CLASS OF 1967 73 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE year to determine that my hearing loss is service- connected and give me new aids. I had two back surgeries. I’m fighting the VA to determine whether or not those are service-con- nected. In any case, I probably won’t get disability. I’ve recovered from the surgeries, but if things go worse, I want to at least have that record. I am now asked to prove to the VA that I was actually in the service and in Vietnam, and I’m scrambling around trying to find flight records and things. The problem was that I was with a squadron sta- tioned in the Philippines, and when we went over to provide services in Danang, we wouldn’t check in with anybody in Danang. We just went in and did our job. And I’m kind of appalled, as I’m going back through my flight log, that a lot of times I logged myself going someplace, but I never have it logged in that I came back. school, award scholarships, and pay for things not It wasn’t important at that time to log something; in the school budget. Our endowment is now half what was important was to do the job. And now a million dollars, and in 2015 we gave 41 scholar- I’m questioned by bureaucrats about whether or ships this year to a graduating class of 60. not I was actually in the service. They’re giving me retired pay! “Yeah, I was. We were actually in a war “Thank You” zone.” “Well, you have to have feet on the ground I’ve never been ashamed of what I did, by any in the war zone; it’s not enough that you flew over means. But I do remember when I first heard a it.” “Yes, I was in Danang.” “Can you prove it?” “thank you,” and I still, as do others, struggle with I don’t have orders sending me to Danang. I just it. I was on a ski lift at Arapaho Basin in Colorado, got in the plane and went, because I was told to, when my kids were 11 years old, 12 years old. And and I performed the exercises, and I do have DNG two guys were riding up with me and found out (the symbol for Danang) in my log, showing where I’d been in the service, and they thanked me. That I landed. I also did some stuff down in Cam Ranh was the first time, about 20 years afterward. Bay. I was there. There’s no question I was there, It kind of hit me, and I didn’t know how to and I resent the questioning of my integrity after respond, and to this day, it’s difficult to respond giving my country 26 years of service. because we were just doing our jobs. There was Public Treatment of Current Veterans nothing to be thanked for. You’re doing what you’re supposed to do. The American public, I think, gets it now. I’m grat- ified by the way they’re welcoming broken soldiers About six months ago, I finally bought a “Vietnam who have come back. But I’m appalled, and most Veteran” hat. And it’s been the most cathartic thing everybody I talk to is appalled, that we have to have for me in terms of the number of people and conver- such a thing as the Wounded Warriors Project. sations it’s started, especially among other veterans. “Where did you serve?” “What did you do?” And When you send somebody to war with four limbs the stories are eerily similar. It’s a way of connecting. and they come back with three, or two, or none, they are not faking it. Why does the private sector Dealing with the Veterans Administration have to take care of that? To me, that’s a government The Veterans Administration still doesn’t treat peo- obligation. There should be no question whatsoev- ple well, despite the scandals. We’re supposed to er that we help those people get what they need to get medical care, but it’s somewhat limited. Even function. Our former Dartmouth President Jim though I’m a retiree, because I have to be part of Wright wholeheartedly agrees with that. He did a Medicare Part A and B, and I’m still working, I pay lot of work at the military hospital in Washington, $5,200 a year plus some copays for “free” health D.C., for recovering veterans. care. Neither Tricare nor Medicare pay for hearing I think the American people support that, but the aids. I bought my first set, lost one in a courtroom, government is so worried about a budget and about and was struggling with the other one. I applied to what’s politically correct that it won’t take care of the VA for assistance. It took the VA more than a people whom we send in harm’s way.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 74 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE I was always told that our people are our most listened to. For example, when I was in Vietnam, important asset. If my son or daughter were there, President Johnson called a stop to bombing the Ho I’d want them to have the very best equipment Chi Minh trail. That was the most demoralizing they could have, within reason. But the people thing that happened in that war. We had the trail need to be taken care of, and with the latest reduc- shut down. Pilots on the aircraft carriers wound up tion in forces, they’re taking people that have getting three hours a month of flight time because served 13, 14 years, intending to make it a career, they weren’t able to do anything. They were being and they’re saying “Goodbye,” because we’re just told, “Don’t hit this target,” “Don’t go there.” They cutting numbers. weren’t flying. When I was in the target squadron, we actually got more flight hours than other pilots Takeaways did. The attack pilots were very upset with the rules The greatest thing I took away from my service of engagement and what you could not hit. There was a sense of pride in what I did. The camaraderie was extreme frustration on the part of the service was and remains good. members, and, quite honestly, the war was lost at that point, when that decision was made. I later have faced challenges in life. I have a daugh- ter who is disabled, who had 17 brain surgeries in Whether we should have been there in the first five years. I never took biology. I don’t know that place is another issue, but the fact is that we were much about brains or brain surgery, but she had a there, and we lost so many people there. I under- neurosurgeon whose chief resident was a Dartmouth stand it’s a beautiful country now, and a lot of our alum. The neurosurgeon took me under his wing classmates and former President of the College and kind of recognized that I at least had half a James Wright have been back. From what I’m hear- brain. I’d call him frequently. He was in New York ing, the next generation of Vietnamese doesn’t City doing the surgeries on my daughter, and we bear a grudge. I think it’s the same way with a lot had many a long-distance conversation about what of the Americans. But I don’t want to go back and to do and what to try. Dartmouth opened that try to be healed. door. He was willing to let me be involved, let me It didn’t make sense. A lot of things about a war go into the sterile room and change her bandages that’s fought politically don’t make sense. Bob and discuss her treatment. That was nice, to get that McNamara, as Secretary of Defense, knew people respect. We don’t always get it. were being killed. He knew they were being slaugh- I learned how to drive a racecar, and I took up scuba tered. He knew how bad it was. He knew that fig- diving later in life. I went in a shark cage. I learned ures were cooked, that information that was being to fly a glider. To me, one of the greatest joys in given to the press back home was false. The war was life is experiencing new things and trying to meet just horribly, horribly fought. And since Vietnam, the challenges in doing so. There is a saying in the we’ve been unable to really finish the job once we service, “Lead, follow, or get out of the way.” And if become engaged. I blame politics for that. you think about it, you need leaders. You need fol- I pray for the day when we don’t need wars, when lowers. You also need to not have baggage around, we don’t need to do any of that. I don’t know that people that are going to be naysayers and claim “we humankind is going to let us get there, but it would can’t do it.” Through a lifetime of exposure to dif- be really, really nice if we all got along. ferent experiences and people, I have learned skills and attitudes which help me have a fulfilling life. The Aviator’s Hymn For me, military service and treatment of our vet- I often think of a hymn, the Navy Hymn, which is erans is an emotional issue. People lay it on the sung to the music of “Eternal Father, Strong to line and do so for the nation. They don’t do it for Save … .” It’s a very solemn hymn and brings up a medals. They don’t do it for themselves. They do it lot of emotion for me. It has different verses for dif- because it’s what’s got to be done. ferent branches of service, but I want to read a cou- ple of these as I close out this interview. Political Wars Lord, guard and guide the men who fly I don’t trust political wars. I don’t think that this And those who on the ocean ply; country ever again would accept gas rationing and Be with our troops upon the land, food rationing as they did in World War II. I don’t And all who for their country stand: think we’d get the wives to go to work to make Be with these guardians day and night munitions. I don’t think they would serve as WAC And may their trust be in Thy might. officers or WAVE officers. Lord, guard and guide the men who fly It’s a different era today, largely because the field Through the great spaces in the sky. commanders that see and recognize things are not Be with them always, in the air

CLASS OF 1967 75 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE In darkening storms and sunlight fair. O, hear us when we lift our prayer For those in peril in the air. Watch over them while they earn their wings And let them taste the joy it brings. When finally they are free to roam, Teach them to respect their new home. O, hear us when we lift our prayer For those committed to the air. And dear Lord, we pray, We’ll make it safely through the day Till the crucial battle is won, And when our final landing is done, On land or sea or in the air, We place our men within Thy care. Note: This essay is adapted from Doug Coonrad’s (Class of 1967) interview for the Dartmouth Vietnam Project, which can be accessed at http://www.dart mouth.edu/~dvp/index.html. The interview is used by permission of the Dartmouth College Library. Doug was interviewed by Elena Ridker ’16 on May 12, 2015. The Library’s call number for the interview is DOH-441. Doug’s oral interview can be heard at http://www.dartmouth.edu/~dvp/browse.html, and the full written transcript can be viewed at http:// www.dartmouth.edu/~dvp/transcripts/coonrad_do Doug in his original flight jacket, his Naval Aviator uglas.pdf. Edited by Jim Rooks ’67 with some addi- Designation and photo of his A-4 (2016) tional suggestions from Doug Coonrad.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 76 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE A Tale of Two Cities Phil Curtis

Our family is no stranger to military service. We henceforth graduate school deferments will no have participated as enlisted men or officers in the longer be honored by draft officials.” Upon reflec- Battle of Hastings, Third Crusade, First Barons’ War, tion (and gently setting down some 50# weights), King Philip’s War, Lord Dunmore’s War, Revolution- I recognized that this was a serious development. ary War, War of 1812, Civil War (both sides), World Personally my plans to attend Stanford or Harvard War II, and the Korean War. The latter day conflict in their JD/MBA programs were thrown into disarray. that I, and many of my fellow classmates, ran into What complicated things was that, like other draft- during our sometime tumultuous stay at Dartmouth eligible individuals, I was subject to a new National was the polarizing Vietnam War. Charles Dickens Lottery with randomly selected numbers earmarked would have agreed that it was the “worst of times,” for the birthdays of each draft-eligible individual. but I’m not sure he would have characterized it as the “best of times.” Again I drew the short stick, with a low number. I couldn’t attend graduate school, and my draft My father was a conservative product of the Midwest board would soon (as it ultimately did) come look- and, in particular, Columbus, Ohio, which was ing for me. I proceeded to drive down to the Navy overwhelmingly conservative Republican. Prior to Yard in Portsmouth to apply for Naval OCS, my entering Dartmouth, I had served as President of Dad’s branch in WWII. Sadly I flunked the aptitude the Young Republicans Club of my high school in test, no surprise, grading out more as a practicing an affluent suburb of northwest Columbus called lawyer than a combat officer in the U.S. Navy — Upper Arlington. This city of some 32,000 was the I somehow got no credit for all those plucky residence of bankers, lawyers, Ohio State professors, Curtises in previous conflicts! doctors, business owners and, yes, fellow alumnus Jack Nicklaus, who still played golf at nearby What happened next changed my whole future. Scioto Country Club, the verdant home of the 1926 A recruiting officer with the U.S. Army, a Major who U.S. Open. had just spent some time on the Ohio State cam- pus in my old town, held court with a number of A three-time winner of the coveted All-America City Dartmouth Seniors who were applying to an elite Award, Upper Arlington was an idyllic place to grow graduate school ROTC program at select schools up and develop respect for the flag and our coun- that would bypass the usual first two years in lieu try’s heritage. The biggest event of the year in of a summer at Fort Benning, Georgia, paid for by Arlington was the traditional July 4th parade, the US Army. I bonded with this fellow Buckeye, and which has been held in this community every year this time I scored a lot better on the exam, forgoing since 1923. The parade, which is televised locally, poetry for running a Battalion! The net result was features floats and bands, sports contests, picnics, I was selected for the program, one of only four fireworks, beauty queens, music, and dances. Since picked at Dartmouth out of 88 candidates. Never the 1950s, suggested themes for floats have been was I happier to be invited to enter the Armed “homecoming, July 4, America, Ohio, family, neigh- bors, church, school, and service.” This is a long way from Phnom Penh. Initially this placid Midwestern haven was an oasis from anti-war sentiment. Columbus, after all, was the home place of famous military heroes, Medal of Honor recipient Eddie Rickenbacker and Gen. Curtis LeMay. Still, Vietnam would strike close to home at Kent State University with the May 4, 1970, mas- sacre that galvanized tensions nationwide, partic- ularly among college students. Ohio was not immune after all from the violence and chaos that gripped the nation during this volatile period. Now back to Dartmouth and the beginning of my personal odyssey. In the spring of 1968, I was lift- ing weights in my room when piped across the WDCR radio waves was this seemingly innocent news flash: “President Nixon has announced that Kent State shootings

CLASS OF 1967 77 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Services! When that dread draft letter arrived from my draft board a few months later, I was excused from duty. Things began to move fast at this point. One day after graduation from Dartmouth, I found myself in one of the toughest and most revered Army training posts in the country. In many respects Ft. Benning had changed very little since WWI. For me it was a cultural shock. I was greeted by legions of shaved-head fellow college grads from all over the country who would be exposed over the hot Georgia summer to M-14s, .50 caliber machine guns, attack helicopters, hand grenades, compass Draft Board lottery courses, battle tanks, flame throwers, night bivouacs, wire-guided missiles, hand–to- hand combat, forced battalions of police would fire tear gas canisters on marches, etc. All of this designed to crank out the aggressive phalanxes of student demonstrators. combat ready 2nd Lieutenants to insert into the It almost seemed as if Vietnam would be a reprieve breach in Southeast Asia. At the end of the sum- from these daily fire fights. Bank windows were mer, I was named a Distinguished Military Student shattered, leaflets abounded, and anti-war slogans and sent back to Harvard to complete my final two prevailed everywhere on the campus. The much- years of ROTC. vilified ROTC did not return to Harvard for more While all this was happening, my younger brother than four decades. had matriculated with a full track scholarship (he I eventually completed law school, was hired by a was the #1 half-miler in Wall Street law firm, and was given the option by the State of Ohio in 1968) the Army personnel office to commit to eight years at the University of of reserve duty versus a full-time two years of active Michigan, a hotbed of duty. Vietnam was happily winding down and the anti-war dissent. The Stu- Army simply didn’t need another “wet behind the dents for a Democratic ears” 2nd Lieutenant in the Signal Corps. I took Society was formed there that option and only spent one two-week summer with the aid of Tom Hay- den, who later married controversial Jane Fonda, The options were not clear, and this clearly was no the decisions were not easy. pastoral Columbus, Ohio. Phil Curtis After two turbulent years surrounded by this sort of stint with the Massachusetts National Guard as culture, he dropped out Division Photo Officer prior to my honorable dis- of school and essentially charge in 1978. The picture of me was taken with avoided the draft by peace- an Army-issue 35mm Nikon camera. ful means over the next four years. One brother in What does this all mean? My story, like so many the Army, the other try- others, was a personal one. Some fought for justice Younger brother, ing to avoid it all costs. and the ending of what clearly became an unpopu- the track star Happily, he eventually lar war. Others fought for their country with honor completed his degree at on land, air, and sea. Only history will judge who Michigan and has acquired a more conservative prac- was right. The options were not clear, the decisions tical and political mindset over the years. were not easy. But no matter what route any one individual took during the period of the Vietnam I was commissioned a 2nd Lieutenant in the U.S. conflict, it affected them personally, their family, Army Reserves while attending Harvard Law their friends, and their loved ones. Not all came School along with at least one 1964 Olympic Gold back, and many of those that did were the worse Medal swimmer from Yale. My final two years in for the wear. the program where marked by trying to stay under cover — no marching on the campus, no uniforms, * * * * no military pageantry. Most of the hostile action As a postscript, one of the things I took away from in Cambridge was confined to the Green, where my brief military experience was the close personal

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 78 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Demonstrations in Boston relationships that accompany even a student train- Phil Curtis, Dartmouth ’67, photographed on his ing exercise. I met contemporaries there who Army-issue Nikon camera I have followed with interest through the years. They include a President of an insurance company, other wars in the past that cost us the blood and a prominent shopping center developer, and a sweat of courageous US men and women of the retired Colonel in the National Guard who served military. At this event I met Medal of Honor recip- in the Pentagon as the liaison between his branch ients, survivors of Tuskegee Airmen, Four-Star and the U. S. Congress. Plus two high school class- Generals, White Star Mothers, and World War II vet- mates who attended West Point and the Air Force erans. These are my heroes and the ones to whom Academy. All great friends and great Americans. I dedicate these remembrances. Secondly, my short stint in the service gave me a Thank you for hearing me out. I enjoyed telling my greater appreciation of others who have who have story. I hope you liked it. spent time in the military. I am a Colonel and Past July 2015 Commandant in an organization called the Old Guard of the Gate City Guard that dates back to 1857 and features a number of former generals. I was Senior Vice Commander of the Atlanta Chap- ter of Military Order of World Wars founded after World War I by General of the Armies “Black Jack” Pershing. And I am a Past President of the Atlanta Chapter of the Sons of the American Revolution, which awarded me their National Defense Medal. Still another patriotic organization boasts a retired SEAL Team Six Sniper who served in Afghanistan and a graduate of the Air Force Academy. Finally, as a Past President of the National Memorial Day Association of Georgia and Avenue of Flags, which stages the annual Memorial Day Ceremony at the Marietta National Cemetery in Atlanta, I came Phil Curtis, Past President, National Memorial Day to more fully appreciate the import of Vietnam and Association of Georgia

CLASS OF 1967 79 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Vietnam: A Defining Issue for the Class of 1967 Jonathan P. Feltner

The Vietnam War was the defining issue of our time I should begin by saying that I was not a reluctant in 1967. Indeed, the presence of the Vietnam War combatant in the Vietnam War. I joined the Marine presented the Class of 1967 with a unique challenge Corps through the Dartmouth NROTC Program for — perhaps not to be repeated ever again. Those who many reasons: a sense of adventure and personal graduated in that timeframe had to make a hard challenge, family tradition, and yes, even the effect life decision that had life and death ramifications. of splendid uniforms and a personal association For most, there was no middle ground, no easy way with an elite military force. I certainly didn’t go for out, given the presence of the War and the ramifica- reasons of political philosophy. To be candid, I never tions of the draft as it existed at that time. Gradu- could articulate coherently why the United States ates had to make a choice that would alter the rest “needed” to be in Vietnam. Finally, not to be of their lives and then live with the consequences. understated, my fraternity, Chi Phi, was a signifi- Very few classmates could be apathetic in Vietnam’s cant source of NROTC officers and Marine Corps massive global and geopolitical wake. The War raised officers at that time. Following fellow Chi Phi so many unanswered questions: Was the War moral or unjustified?; Was it an affirmation of American The overwhelming common sentiment pride, or an example of American hubris run amok?; for most of us was that the Vietnam War era Did it serve as the fault line for huge changes in our society? Because the War is also linked with was the most sustained “intense” vast upheavals in civil rights issues, sexual politics, period of our lives. and the concept of organized dissent, it might be Jonathan P. Feltner considered a “tipping point” in the way many Americans thought about the then classical “Amer- ican way of life.” brothers to join a more elite and respected frater- nity of brothers was a normal, if not particularly In 1967, I graduated from Dartmouth on June 10, well reasoned, progression. having been commissioned a Second Lieutenant in the United States Marine Corps on June 9. Most of Perhaps because I was ornery about the convention- my classmates chose not to have any role in the al “college” view against the war, I was even more military. In fact, those of us who engaged directly in inspired to swim against the tide. At the 1967 the Vietnam War were in a distinct minority and graduation ceremonies, our valedictorian, a newly in our senior year often the focus of the active hos- commissioned Navy submarine officer, gave an tility of our classmates. After graduation, during the impassioned speech about Dartmouth and how its terrible year of 1968, we witnessed iconic political values prepared us for achievement in the estab- figures being senselessly gunned down and the dis- lished American culture. In 1968, the Valedictory aster of the Democratic National Convention, and speaker announced that, because of the Vietnam some of us participated in the fury that was the Tet War, he was defecting to Canada, and he extolled Offensive in Vietnam. the rest of his classmates to join him figuratively, if not physically. Those who fought in the War often returned home only to be greeted with arrogant indifference at best and outright hostility at worst. As Marines would cynically repeat in Vietnam, “We were the unwill- ing, lead by the incompetent, to do the unneces- sary, for the ungrateful.” Now nearly 50 years later, in retrospect I can look back on those times — the late 1960s and the early 1970s — with a much greater degree of detachment. This retrospective has been greatly assisted by a per- sonal return to modern Vietnam in 2010 and many frank discussions with classmates over the recent years who chose dissent over combat. The over- whelming common sentiment for most of us was that the Vietnam War era was the most sustained Marine Corps Staff at Quantico Officer Candidates “intense” period of our lives. School (Summer 1974)

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 80 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE However, I was slowly becoming a “dissenter” in my own fashion: the War continued to feature the enormous waste of some of the best men America had to offer, the wholesale destruction of a beauti- ful country, and all with no clear objective in mind. By contrast, I held great respect for the North Vietnamese Army, an absolutely dedicated military force fighting with a clear purpose — even if not politically acceptable to me. Conversely, for the most part, I had contempt for the South Vietnamese forces: corrupt, militarily unreliable, and often cow- My platoon of young Second Lieutenants going ardly in action. through the The Basic School at Quantico, the basic I returned home to the United States in 1969 to training program for officers after they had been face — even at the airport where I arrived — open commissioned as Second Lieutenants during the sum- hostility and an overwhelming lack of respect. mer of 1967. Our company had at least five of our Returning veterans were often described as “baby classmates, in different platoons: Drew Ley, Beirne killers,” tools of the establishment, and thought- Lovely, John Masters, and Bob Koury. (Five platoons less automatons with weapons. Adding to the per- made up one company.) sonal frustration was the increasingly universal belief that the anti-war forces were clearly correct For me in 1968, after preliminary training in the fall in their assessment of the War, especially amongst of 1967, I went to the Vietnam War with all the my age group peers. Moreover, the presence of the enthusiasm — and certainly a lot of naiveté — of War had lead directly to the violence in civil rights youth, but with a lingering concern flowing from movement, America’s low international esteem, my Dartmouth experience that many of my “anti- the ascendency of Richard Nixon (one of our low war” classmates might be correct that the War was moments nationally in politics), and finally, the immoral and unworthy of my participation in it. chaotic, ultimate demise of South Vietnam itself — My war experiences, which included two tours of and the spillover effect on Cambodia and Laos. duty, the previously mentioned Tet Offensive in 1968 and later involvement in the Vietnamese For the veterans of Vietnam, there was not only was refugee recovery operations in 1975, were, in turn, a palpable lack of respect, but also, to many of us, thrilling, exhilarating, depressing, and horrific. In a demonizing of those who fought. Many veterans 1968, my life was confined within ten miles of the descended into drug dependency and some into North Vietnam–South Vietnam border along the homelessness and depression. Our return was clear- “DMZ.” I lived for the entire period of time always ly a departure from the norm when compared to “on the edge.” Death, destruction, fear, and courage men who, after past wars, might have expected were daily companions, along with temperature parades and an appreciation of the personal sacri- extremes, great personal and unit uncertainty fice and hardships endured. Instead, for most of the about the immediate future, and always the ques- American public, the country developed “amnesia” tion “why” in the back of my mind. as to the role of its veterans from Vietnam. On this issue, Richard Nixon’s “Silent Majority” truly was The most unifying features of my Vietnam experi- ence were a heavy dose of Marine Corps pride, over- whelming respect for the sacrifices and courage of my fellow Marines, and a strong desire for self-preser- vation in the midst of chaos. These considerations were matched by a visceral disdain for anti-war pro- testors and self-serving political leaders alike. I knew that I did not have the intellectual high ground for explaining the positive or even the logical aspects of the War geopolitically, but, at least in my mind, I had the personal-courage high ground. During my two tours in Vietnam, I was in combat routinely, was severely wounded twice, lost several wonderful fellow Marines — including 1967 class- mates — and complained bitterly to myself daily about the lack of any moral support from Americans at home. Feltner being decorated after being wounded

CLASS OF 1967 81 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE the ultimate test of physical, mental, and emotion- al conditions embodied in combat inspires a confi- dence that you can handle whatever the rest of your life brings you. And I ascribe to my Dartmouth days much of the steel, commitment to excellence, and the physical and mental ability to overcome adversity. Notwithstanding the anti-military senti- ment our campus senior year, Dartmouth would do well to ensure that its sons and daughters con- tinue to play a vital role in today’s military and to ensure that brainpower and a conscience are part of every major decision. The Vietnam War Memorial, Washington, D.C. Second, dissent — as I define it, “challenging the establishment view” — is a good and noble pursuit. silent. As veterans, most of us went into a psycho- Just as a soldier in combat needs to draw on all his logical “shell” from which we did not emerge for various strengths, the courage to raise a challenge several years, especially when it came to discussing to established views requires similar strengths and our roles in the War with nonveterans. commitments. Those first challenging the premises of the Vietnam War were a lonely and isolated lot, Only the passage of time, and the advent of new but their voices later became a crescendo to end wars in Kuwait, Afghanistan, and Iraq did Vietnam the War. Their point was that the decision to go to veterans became relevant again and the concept of war cannot and should not be a casual, careless, or military service for your country no longer a dis- cynical decision left to a few individuals, the tasteful subject. My personal resurrection resulted majority of whom never faced any personal adver- from two major sources. First, ongoing dialogue sity to themselves or their families. Rather, the with respected classmates on the other side, men decision-making process should be as worthy as who in frank discussions with me offered up their the men and women asked to fight the war. Dissent own moments of doubt: whether their anti-war should make that ultimate decision difficult but at positions were in fact unassailable, whether their least as well reasoned as possible, given the horrif- passion for their cause meant a degrading of per- ic forces unleashed. sons whom they admired who fought, and whether their own perceived nobility didn’t also contain a Finally, my Dartmouth experience permeated my high degree of self-preservation. decision to join the War, to endure it, and, ulti- mately learn from its lessons, good and bad. The Second, I returned in 2010 to Vietnam to see a Dartmouth sense of tradition, esprit, and commit- vibrant and dynamic country that had much to offer ment to service provided a strong foundation for me: a beautiful setting with friendly, accommodating my survival. The Dartmouth expectation to chal- people and a rich culture to draw upon. No longer lenge the established view in the classroom and on a battleground, Vietnam had become a place the campus provided me the capacity to understand where people could be admired and befriended. the harsh lessons of the War — lessons apparently So how did the Vietnam War experience ultimately forgotten by today’s politicians. impact my life post-combat? I went back to law school, finding that most lessons learned from the * * * * War were extraordinarily useful, if not uniformly As noted above, the Class of 1967 faced a unique positive. I remained proud of my service, and challenge that will probably not be repeated. Each I always will be. But I also believe that war is not classmate’s decision regarding the War was real: it glamorous and in fact is so terrible that it should had life and death ramifications that could not, for only be unleashed only when all other options have the most part, be avoided easily. And all had to live been exhausted. Three relevant principles derived with the consequences of their decisions immedi- from my War experience are worthy of sharing in ately. Dartmouth provided the tools — but not this essay. simple answers — to help make those individual decisions, wherever they took the individual deci- First, I firmly believe that military service is both sion-makers. My hope is that, for all, whatever honorable and essential to our continued success course they ultimately chose, the process made as a nation. Principles of honor and commitment them better men. to the service of our country and one’s fellow war- riors are as relevant and desirable after Vietnam as Boston, Massachusetts they were after the Revolutionary War. Surviving August 2014

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 82 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Impact of the Vietnam War John Isaacs

“Vietnam marked the end of innocence.” at least regarding national security policy during Herblock, late Washington Post Cartoonist the long Cold War confrontation with the Soviet Union. That trust was shattered by the Vietnam Herblock’s above epigram about the Vietnam War War and its aftermath. in a 2013 HBO documentary nicely summed up my view of the impact of the Vietnam War on the The United States suffered almost 58,000 troops Dartmouth Class of 1967, on our view of the role killed and many more injured and scarred for life. of the United States in the world and on our judg- That total included Dartmouth graduates, of course. ment about political leaders. The war divided the country and led many to dis- illusionment about government and politics. President Lyndon Johnson said, trust me. If you knew what I knew, you would support the war, he The Vietnam catastrophe was followed by Richard added. If Vietnam falls, other countries in the region Nixon, the first President in American history to would fall like dominoes. be forced from office for a series of illegal actions before the 1972 election and then covering up his During the 1964 presidential campaign, Johnson break-ins and spying directed at Democrats and argued that he was not prepared to send US troops other “enemies.” Nixon did not resign due to his thousands of miles overseas to do what the South Vietnam decisions, but rather his actions to ensure Vietnamese Army should be doing — protecting its his re-election. own people. Two American Presidents, one from each party, left But Johnson misrepresented the Gulf of Tonkin inci- office in disgrace, one declining to run for re-election dent that same year to seek and win from Congress and one resigning just before being impeached by the authority to use the House of Representatives. as much military force against North Who can we trust anymore? Vietnam as he Today the libertarians as well as Tea Party adherents deemed necessary. reflect that same wariness of how government can A few months after intrude in people’s lives and liberties. the election was * * * * over, Johnson How did I wind up in Vietnam and what did I do ordered the mas- over there? At Dartmouth, I was a bit slow to under- sive bombing of stand the implications of American policies and to North Vietnam oppose the war. I shared some of the concern that and committed the confrontation in Asia had broad implications in a contingent of the conflict between democracy and Communism. combat troops in I don’t remember whether I particularly believed March 1965. He in the domino effect — the “loss” of Vietnam could argued: “If we quit be followed by the “loss” of other countries in the Map of Indochina Vietnam tomorrow region. My loathing of the policies of Lyndon we’ll be fighting Johnson and questions about the martyred John F. in Hawaii, and next week we’ll have to be fighting in Kennedy only came later. San Francisco.” When the Pentagon papers were leaked a few years later, Americans found out what Johnson, Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara, the Bundy brothers, Secretary of State Dean Rusk, and our military lead- ers knew. We trusted them, and we found out that we were lied to by LBJ, other Presidents and numer- ous officials, military and civilian. Why do I rehearse this ancient history? Because I believe that Americans’ trust in government began its long, slow decline as a result of the Vietnam War. There was a certain level of belief in the government, Ordinary rural scene in Vietnam

CLASS OF 1967 83 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE I did join some anti-war protests my senior year at Dartmouth, but my passionate distaste for the war grew exponentially later. When I attended graduate school in international relations immediately after college, I had few wor- ries about the war personally. I took part in anti-war protests in Bologna, Italy, where I studied. But as the U.S. escalated the war and draft deferments were eliminated, the war came closer to me, forc- ing a highly personal decision about accepting the draft, leaving the country or finding some alterna- tive. During my second year of graduate school, I took the Army physical and passed — so much for a 4F deferment. I could feel General Lewis Hershey, director of the Selective Service, and the White Plains, N.Y., draft board coming closer to my doorstep, Unexpectedly, the Department of State came to my Map of III Corps where John was stationed rescue. I had previously passed the exams to become a Foreign Service Officer, and State, with the acqui- in international relations, no permanent friends, no escence of the Nixon Administration, offered to permanent enemies. accept me and others into the Foreign Service — if we agreed to join the pacification program in Viet- Talk about moral ambiguity: By 1969, I had become nam after a year of training. totally opposed to the war and despised Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon for their prosecution of I accepted. that war, supported anti-war candidates like Gene That was a deal with the devil, a decision about McCarthy and Robert Kennedy, and participated in which I was uncertain in 1969 and remain in doubt huge, peaceful demonstrations against the war in today. I am not one for substantial introspection Washington, D.C. All the while, I was entering the about past decisions and events, but that major deci- belly of the beast to become a small cog in the green sion remains ambiguous in my mind. machine (the Army, not Dartmouth). Pacification was a combined military, CIA, State, That conflict within led me to continue protesting and Agency for International Development program from within the State Department. While still in to win the hearts and minds of the Vietnamese to Washington for my training program, I was twice support the South Vietnamese government that called on the carpet by senior State Department ultimately failed. That the “hearts and minds” officials, once for organizing a letter protesting phrase came to be viewed ironically and sarcastical- some of the ways we Vietnam “volunteers” were ly did not stop George W. Bush from using the same misled to join the program and then because I orga- term for the Iraq War. nized a second letter signed by a group of young Foreign Service Officers that became public (much Under the auspices of the CORDS (Civil Operations to the consternation of Nixon aide Clark Mollenhoff) and Revolutionary Development Support), this protesting Nixon’s expansion of the war into combined effort included non-military work with Cambodia. refugees and economic development, a program called Chieu Hoi to get the Viet Cong to defect to My experience during 13½ months in Vietnam the South Vietnamese side and the infamous plan was unusual and extraordinarily fortunate. I was called Phoenix to assassinate Viet Cong leaders. assigned refugee work, beginning in a rural, sleepy province along the coast where war appeared far The program was first headed by former CIA offi- away. I did not carry a weapon and traveled freely cial and National Security Council member Robert in the province during daylight hours (but not at W. Komer (“Blowtorch Bob”) and later by future night, a time owned by the Viet Cong). I met won- CIA Director William Colby. derful and sincere people, both military and civil- In one more delicious irony, later in my career I ian, in the American pacification team and Viet- came to know Colby, a warm and wonderful man, namese citizens. I grew to understand that most and joined with him, McGeorge Bundy, and Vietnamese loved neither the government nor the Robert McNamara in campaigns to bring about Viet Cong but just wanted to be left alone to raise nuclear arms control. Ah, that great catch phrase and provide for families.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 84 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE While in Vietnam, I also quietly worked with a few reporters, including the New York Times’ Gloria Emerson and Tom Fox, to pass on information about how the war was actually going beyond the happy talk and statistics of success. This quiet work from the inside, which had been recommended to me by friends in advance of arriving in Vietnam, helped to assuage my guilt. There was one news story I helped generate about a memo from an American military leader talking about how unsafe the roads were at night in a province that was labeled, at the time, as the safest in Vietnam by American statistical measures. So much for Secretary of Defense Robert McNamara’s numerical measures of success. I provided information to a reporter on South Viet- namese government plans to uproot tens of thou- Vietnamese in a refugee camp sands of Vietnamese civilians to new areas in order to establish a barrier to Viet Cong advances. That Only once in 13½ months did I fear an attack, and ensuing publicity led to the cancellation of the plan. only that one time did I see dead bodies of Viet Cong soldiers. Contrast this benign experience with Upon arriving in Binh Tuy Province in 1970 (one the bitter fighting up in I Corps near North Vietnam of the provincial capitals not hit during the 1968 or in the Delta. The bombs, the napalm, the search Tet offensive, either because it was too unimportant and destroy, the American soldiers on patrol in dan- or because the North Vietnamese actually controlled gerous jungles, the bitter divisions between enlisted the province), I was assigned to advise my Viet- men and their superiors, were far distant during my namese counterpart on resettling 700–800 ethnic time in country. Vietnamese repatriated to Vietnam after being dis- placed from Cambodia by revolution and a version My initial experience in Vietnam was clearly a learn- of ethnic cleansing. ing one: when my plane arrived in Saigon, I looked out the window expecting to see mortars or bombs We were to provide American-funded resettlement targeted at Tan Son Nhut Air Base. But there was assistance to move refugees from a tent camp to nothing but a bustling airport. It was a lesson that more permanent housing in the province along was reaffirmed many times since: the media focuses with food and agriculture assistance to help them on death and carnage whether in Vietnam, Northern produce food for themselves. The refugees were Ireland, Lebanon, Indonesia, Haiti, Iraq, or Afghan- poor people from urban Cambodia who were trying istan while the great bulk of the country was quiet. to put their lives back together and, again, favored neither side in the war. For them, it was not democ- That was not the only lesson I absorbed about the racy vs. communism, and there were no dominoes media during the Vietnam War. Two years before in sight. The refugees were interested merely in the I arrived, there was a leak in the March 10, 1968, New York Times that the senior U.S. commander in Vietnam, Gen. William Westmoreland, had request- ed another 207,000 soldiers that he argued were needed to lock down victory. He was supported in that request by Gen. Earle Wheeler, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Had those troops been sent, the total American troop level in Vietnam would have climbed to 732,000. That disclosure helped lead President Johnson, who abhorred leaks, to reject that escalation, although he tossed a bone to his generals by authorizing 13,500 additional troops but at the same time launching the process of deescalating American involvement. It proved a major turning point in the war through a tacit admission that there was no military solution to the conflict. Refugee tent camp

CLASS OF 1967 85 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE pursuing their lives and being left alone — what Americans called in 1787 life, liberty, and the pur- suit of happiness. As a civilian, I was able to travel all over South Vietnam in Army helicopters and on small planes run by the CIA-controlled Air America. During my time in Binh Tuy, I would go with a group of sol- diers to swim in the ocean. I enjoyed dinner at restaurants with Vietnamese friends. Clearly I did not encounter the bitter fighting that cost some classmates their lives and scarred others physically and psychologically. 1971 Vietnamese election poster with no opposition I eventually rose to become Region 3 branch chief for the war victims’ office in Bien Hoa and spent the U.S. government and landed on front pages of the last two months as operations officer in the War major media with his letter of protest. Victims Directorate in Saigon. Much to my incredulity decades later, the failed

1 Vietnam pacification program became the model for After 13 ⁄2 months in Vietnam, following the re-elec- tion of President Nguyen Van Thieu — and safely similar programs in Iraq and Afghanistan. past the draft with a high draft number — I left * * * * Vietnam and quit the Foreign Service. Determined One long-term impact of the war was to teach to leave on my own terms, I packed up quietly in Americans that while our massive armies and heroic late 1971, telling only a few friends about my plans, soldiers helped turn the tide in World War I, over- went ostensibly on an R&R (rest and recreation) trip came the Nazis and the Japanese in World War II, to India and Nepal, and then departed that chapter and turned back North Korean aggression in the of my life. 1950s, our forces were not capable of winning gueril- As I left the country, I sent a tough letter of protest la wars, whether in the jungles of Vietnam, the in October 1971 to Secretary of State William Rogers, mountainous terrain in Afghanistan, or the deserts which was written about in The New York Times. in Iraq. As the British, French, and Dutch colonial- I wrote, “It is clear that the war in Vietnam has been ists found in India, Algeria, and Indonesia, a domi- lost and the continued participation of American nant outside power can win battles but almost forces under the guise of Vietnamization [turning never can overcome indigenous forces backed by over the war to the Vietnamese] is a fraud being the local populations. perpetuated on the American people to cover up It was a lesson that instructed U.S. policy for 25 years that loss.” until President George W. Bush resolved to invade I also pointed out that pacification program “is and Iraq, depose Saddam Hussein, and bring the bless- will continue to be an overwhelming and expensive ings of democracy to that Middle East country. failure.” I added: “The pacification program has The parallels between Vietnam and Iraq are remark- never been able to accomplish its key task in Viet- able. The Vietnam War taught us that a large foreign nam: namely, the winning and holding the alle- military force can transform a genuine problem giance and trust of the Vietnamese people to the into something worse. Yet we repeated that disas- extent that the people will support the government trous error in Iraq beginning in 2003. and defend it against its enemies.” The United States spent billions of dollars to train As an example of the failure of pacification, I point- and build an army in foreign lands of Vietnam and ed to the Food for Peace program that brought Iraq whose culture we do not understand, whose food to Vietnam that the people would not eat and history was unfamiliar, and where few Americans instead fed to cattle — undermining another U.S. speak the language. We went there with apparently Agency for International Development program to noble intentions: to fight Communism or to bring develop cattle feed programs. democracy and a better life to the people. Noble I criticized the many Americans in the pacification intentions do not win the allegiance of the local program, including ex-military and liberal arts populations. graduates with little technical experience relevant The United States armed forces left both countries to that country, what many used to refer to as “the after years of fighting and dying. A couple of years army of the unemployables.” afterwards, the army that we have supported to Decades later, I bonded with Iraq and Afghanistan the tune of many billions of dollars and years of veteran Matthew Hoh who similarly resigned from training collapses in the face of a much smaller

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 86 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE but highly motivated force. An army built more for loyalty to the nation’s leaders than competence collapses, with many units dissolving and leaving their weapons behind. A government, focused on retaining tight control of the levers of power rather than building a plural- istic society that might have brought strong support, finds itself inadequate to the challenge. In both wars, the U.S. suffered many thousands of deaths and wounded soldiers for an uncertain cause. The Vietnam War led to the deaths of about 58,000 Americans and 153,000 wounded. The deaths are marked on the iconic Vietnam Memorial in Wash- ington, D.C. There were an estimated 800,000–1.1 million Vietnamese deaths. We do not memorialize those deaths. Iraq war The Iraq War claimed a more modest 4,500 American lives and, according to one study, 500,000 Iraqi lives. notably American prisoner-of-war Senator John Linda Bilmes, a Harvard expert in public finance, McCain of Arizona. The local people there were estimated that the total cost of the Iraq war will be more interested in selling us something rather $4 trillion. than reliving war experiences. It helps that half The experience in Vietnam and Iraq is repeating itself the country’s population was born after the Ameri- in Afghanistan as the U.S. draws down its forces. can war. It also helps that the Vietnamese beat back all foreign invaders. There is another sad lesson from our experience in guerilla conflicts. A book by Rajiv Chandrasekaran English is by far the second language; French is a of the Washington Post, including a June 26, 2012, distant third. If tourist signs are produced in a sec- excerpt printed in Foreign Policy, asked “Why did ond language, they are in English. While there were America send its C team to Afghanistan?” He told many more French, German, Japanese and Chinese how one advisor divided Americans in Afghanistan tourists than Americans, those visitors had best know a smattering of English. Vietnam Air flight Noble intentions do not win attendants deliver their messages in Vietnamese and English. Airport announcements similarly are the allegiance of the local populations. delivered in these two languages. John Isaacs Prices are frequently given in dollars as well as the Vietnamese dong. Hawkers coming up to sell you as “those who had come to Afghanistan because something on the street give prices in dollars. Thus they wanted to make a lot of money — with hazard you have Japanese and German tourists bargaining pay and bonuses, some staffers earned as much as to buy souvenirs in English and paying in dollars. $300,000 a year; those who were getting their tick- ets punched for a promotion or a posting to a com- Another positive outcome became clear at our 25th fortable embassy in Western Europe; and those who Dartmouth reunion in 1992 as about 35 classmates were seeking to escape a divorce, a foreclosed home, got together to discuss their experiences during the or some other personal calamity.” war in Vietnam. We talked over diverse experiences from the bitterest of fighting at the DMZ (demilita- Oh, memories of Vietnam. rized zone) with loss of many comrades, to medics But there are other, more positive lessons. On a on the battlefield, conscientious objectors, Navy return journey to Vietnam in 2002, I realized that vets who patrolled the rivers, those who avoided while the United States lost the war, we have won hard combat by entering professions such as medi- the peace. The Vietnamese people moved beyond cine or the ministry, others who ferried airplanes from the war — indeed, beyond years of war with the the Philippines to Vietnam, those excluded from war Japanese, the French, the Americans, the Cambo- by physical deferments, “draft dodgers,” some sta- dians, and the Chinese. With decades of peace, tioned in Europe, others who fled to Canada, and people in Vietnam spend little time wallowing in one lone pacification officer. recriminations. After graduation, we had gone from four relatively The Vietnamese welcomed my wife and me and sheltered years in the rolling hills of New Hampshire many returning veterans of the war, perhaps most to what for many were life and death choices.

CLASS OF 1967 87 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Yet there were no recriminations at that 1992 gather- * * * * ing, no expressed feeling that some got a good deal Ultimately, the United States remains a great beacon and others had to pay a high price, no resentments of democracy around the world, imperfect though over the very different experiences. It appeared that it is and as dysfunctional as Washington now appears all recognized that a terrible war, not of our making, to be. We are admired around the world for oppor- started by national leaders determined to shape tunity, liberty, free speech, our diverse culture, and large geopolitical developments, forced tough life the role played in this country by immigrants for decisions on young men, decisions that could shape hundreds of years. This admiration extends to the or even end their futures. people of China, Iran, Russia, Cuba, and other total- Interestingly, a May 2011 radio interview program, itarian countries. Our foreign policies, however, are including classmate Beirne Lovely, focused on the not so appreciated. experiences of three Dartmouth graduates in the war. The United States has much to give to the rest of the It led me to conclude that while many ’67 gradu- world — just not our wars. ates went to Vietnam supporting the war, most left opposed or came to that decision later in life. July 29, 2014

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 88 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE The Luck of the Draw Robert R. Kugler

My personal story related to the impact of the War either dope or alcohol. For whatever reason, after in Vietnam (or as the Vietnamese call it, the “Amer- two months of listening to classmates much smarter ican War”) is hardly one of danger or heroism. than I respond to the Contracts professor’s questions Instead, it is but one example of the vagaries of time with interminable monologues while I tried to and place, with actions motivated more by self-preser- shrink into invisibility so as not to be called upon, vation than anything else. I began to worry about the shelf life of grad school Sometime during the spring of senior year, I, along deferments — maybe as an escape from school work. with many classmates and others, sat through the I went with three other guys who lived in the same live TV broadcast shown in Spaulding Auditorium “suite” in the law dorms to the Penn ROTC office in which General Lewis and obtained and completed an initial application Hershey or his lackey for enrollment in a two-year accelerated program. pulled draft numbers As I recall, the four of us went for physical evalua- from a Bingo wheel. tions at 401 North Broad Street in Philadelphia In response to nearly each shortly after the New Year in 1968 and just prior to draw, a cheer of elation taking our first law school exams. I questioned or cry of despair came whether one of the four of us would pass the phys- from some unidentifiable ical, just based upon appearances, and that unedu- source in the room. Fates cated assessment turned out to be correct, as he were being sealed left and eventually failed based upon a heart condition evi- right, based upon the denced by high blood pressure. We all left the induc- sheer luck of the draw. tion center sobered not only by the humiliating Gen. Lewis Hershey For me, the event was experience of being examined as if we were racks simply that, an event — of meat but also by seeing droves of draftees, all to watch with interest but with no personal stake younger than we, being processed for duty, most in the game — as I faced three years in law school to be sent to Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri for upon graduation and fully expected to be exempt basic training with the certainty of a tour of duty from military service for that period of time. After in some rice paddy or another. all, graduate school deferments had been in place With the first law school exams now over, all four for a number of years. of us, together with another half-dozen classmates Nonetheless, the war was not going well for the U.S. who were equally paranoid about military service, Media, and television in particular, were all over received notice by mail at the end of January that this war, like nothing in the past, bringing both the we were all to report to body count and newsreels of actual combat to living the ROTC office to be rooms across America. The American psyche was no interviewed for accep- doubt damaged to some extent as our best troops tance into the pro- proved rather ineffective in pushing forward any- gram. The date was thing that resembled a “front line.” People became February 13, notably, frustrated and angry. The civil rights movement a Friday. The four of us converged with the War to the extent that Martin were scheduled for 3 Luther King Jr. and others harped upon the racial p.m. We donned our inequality of the troops out on patrol. Those events best law school uni- caused me to start to question the duration of grad- forms, meaning con- ROTC motto uate school deferments. servative suits and ties and shined shoes, of But the start of law school at the University of course, and walked the three blocks from the law Pennsylvania was a grand diversion from happen- school to the Armory on Walnut Street. I walked ings in Southeast Asia. There was no time to watch on the inside of the group of four, away from the TV or think much about the War. It happened that curb, as we walked down Walnut and turned right I shared a room with a vet who had just returned into the gate of the Armory. That put me on the from “theatre,” having earned a bronze star. But if right of the group as we approached the massive you believed him, he had a desk job while over oak front door. The door opened left to right, putting there and faced little excitement other than some me in the position of holding the door and thus really bad rides in jeeps driven by privates high on being the last to enter the vestibule of a building

CLASS OF 1967 89 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE dating from the turn of the century, built in a mil- the next two years at drill and six weeks during itary version of Richardson Romanesque style. Our each of the next two summers in summer camp, group was greeted by the First Sergeant who said, the first at Fort Benning (“Home of the Infantry”) “Sorry, men, but I am able to interview only three and the second at Camp (later Fort) Indiantown of you.” With that, my heart sank, as I was the last Gap in Lebanon, Pennsylvania. in line — my holding the door appeared to have Graduation from law school occurred on May 18, rewarded me with potential disqualification. 1970. That morning, at roughly 8:00, I was commis- At that moment, the heavens may as well have sioned as a Second Lieutenant. Two hours later, opened in Cecil B. DeMille fashion, but instead of dressed in a black graduation gown and sporting walking down the stairs back-lit and with a halo, a white armband, I joined perhaps the majority of a certain Major Iames descended and said, “It’s all our class, arising prematurely from my seat in right, First Sergeant, I’ll take the last one.” With protest to the War. Incidentally, the speaker at our that, I followed the highest ranking officer at the law school graduation was Joe Rauh, someone who Armory upstairs for an interview. I don’t recall much probably few of us recognized — at the time — as one of what he asked, but Major Iames was obviously of the great leaders of the civil rights movement as a lawyer. No doubt he took no offense at our protest. I learned how to live alongside of, The War did its best to wreck my prospects for internships for my two summers during law and get along with, fellow soldiers school, but I managed to wrangle a summer clerk- from backgrounds terribly different from mine. ship at the firm where I eventually stayed and Robert R. Kugler practiced real estate law for 42 years. That perma- nent placement did not occur until after having spent seven months on a voluntary postponement pleased to be soaking up his Ivy surroundings after of going on active duty (knowing that the War was, having spent some serious time in ’Nam. He was by then, winding down) with the result that I was happy, apparently really looking forward to getting offered a choice — by a certified letter written in typi- a head start on his weekend right after this inter- cal military style: “If you prefer to attend Quarter- view. We chatted convivially for 15 minutes or so. master Corps Officers’ Basic Training for three (3) Major Iames took pride in informing me of some- months at thing of which I was already very much aware, Fort Lee, Va., namely, that Penn was one of only a few schools in rather than the country that offered “branch training,” mean- attend Offi- ing that participants could choose which branch of cers’ Basic the Army in which they would like to serve, Infantry Training [and (of course), Artillery (perhaps even worse), and spend two Quartermaster Corps (the Holy Grail). As we contin- (2) years on ued the banter, a message came across “News Radio active duty 1060,” which was humming softly in the back- Airmen from Joint Base McGuire- in parts ground. An enlisted man who was seated nearer to Dix, Lakehurst, N.J., march in 2013 undesignat- the radio than Major Iames or I broke into our con- Veterans Day Parade ed], please versation without excuse. “Did you hear that? respond by Graduate school deferments have been eliminated!” mail within the next ten (10) days, indicating With that announcement, at roughly 3:20 on Friday your preference.” That decision took about three the 13th, the coterie in the Armory realized that minutes for me to make — delayed that long only they would soon be besieged by other law school because I could not believe that anyone could be geeks seeking asylum in the ROTC program. Major serious about offering such a choice. A written Iames mumbled something about how prescient response, sent by certified mail, return receipt I was to have foreseen the need to enroll, wished requested, went out the following day. me well, and sent me packing. Officers’ Basic proved to be nothing like my prior On Monday morning, February 16, 1968, 120 male experience at Fort Benning. Instead, we budding members of the Class of 1970 U. of Penn Law School Quartermaster-types learned how to complete semi- were at the door of the same Armory to apply. Of automated requisition forms and other critical skills the four suitemates, only I received acceptance into attendant to running an Officers’ Club or a Supply the program. I am convinced it was only because Depot. It was soft duty, allowing plenty of time to Major Iames signed off on my interview, rather than explore Petersburg and environs, including regular the First Sergeant, that I spent one day a week for trips to Williamsburg — a history buff’s delight.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 90 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Bottom line, although I spent 10.5 years in the Army Reserve, drilled for at least one weekend a month O and two weeks summer camp each summer at such fro exotic destinations as Fort Drum, N.Y., (twice), Anniston, Ala. (twice), and Fort Ritchie, Md. (near JI site “R” — twice), I thank my lucky stars for Major Iames, and I thank my parents — for teaching me that it is only polite to hold the door. As for lasting effects of my “wartime experience,” convoys to the firing line at Fort Dix to train recruits how to handle M-1s, and later, M-16s, frightened me sufficiently so that I am a perennial donor to Sarah Brady Hand Gun Control. I learned how to live alongside of, and get along with, fellow soldiers from backgrounds terribly different from mine. It was only when so many Spanish-speaking troops Ho Chi Minh City War Museum filled the ranks of the platoon for which I was respon- sible that it dawned on me that urban demograph- Khmer Rouge, about 20 years ago, the Cambodian ics were changing quickly and dramatically. people are widely accepted as super-friendly, and that is just what we found in the first country we While it was sometimes difficult for me to commu- visited. When we hit the border of Vietnam, the nicate effectively with the enlistees, I gained an mood suddenly changed from relatively carefree to appreciation for an important social group, but much more serious. I never mistook what some portrayed as their patriotism for their clear need for a source of While in Vietnam, we had a chance to visit a “Viet steady income — making me more cynical than is Cong stronghold,” very much now staged for visi- probably healthy. tors but still able to make the point that the French and the Americans were doomed to ending up on At the end of my military career, I felt fortunate to the losing side in their respective incursions. We have survived an era of our history that posed a toured the “War Museum” in Ho Chi Minh City personal threat to so many young men. I knew that (Saigon) where the victor in the War took advan- I could not succeed in a military culture in which tage of its home turf to tell a one-sided tale laced the best warriors seemed to be able to exploit a part with atrocities (allegedly) perpetrated by GI-Joe. We of the male psyche that was not readily available to ventured into the countryside outside of the city me. In short, I discovered certain important person- to the tunnels at Cu Chi, a place that made the al limitations and preferences for which I thank same statement about inevitability. the military every day. Although a new generation of entrepreneurs in Fast forward through many years of professional Vietnam has generated magnificent wealth for life, getting married (twice), having two kids of a few, a great deal of poverty remains. Only the my own and “inheriting” another, my wife, absence of much hard cash restrains consumer Sandy, and I ventured to Cambodia and Vietnam spending to something less than Western style. Ads on a Dartmouth Alumni Travel sojourn in March for Chanel and Rolex adorn many common areas. 2012. There we discovered what is ongoing in those It was difficult to squint and see armed battalions countries — from a tourist’s perspective, as we float- on either side making their presence known in the ed down the Mekong River for a week, surrounded streets of Saigon or anyplace else we visited. by fellow Dartmouth-types. The dichotomy between those two economies was stark, both headed toward Given my personal story, I very much appreciated a consumer-driven economy, but with Vietnam so Major Iames’ making it possible for me to visit much farther along that path (for better or worse). Saigon without fear of encountering an enemy While Cambodia suffers and is likely to continue determined to see me leave — one way or another. to suffer from its tortuous experience under the December 17, 2014

CLASS OF 1967 91 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Wondering* Down the “Rights” Side of Life’s Crooked Roads From Vietnam to the Inner City of Baltimore Bill Lamb

Two years after graduation from Dartmouth, exposed to the waning aftermath of WWII. When with a somewhat sophomoric desire to help my family received authorization to visit the Soviet change the world, I tried to court-martial occupied sector of Austria, I experienced firsthand the captain of my U.S. Navy ship, a Captain fear of the armed Soviet soldiers who seemed to be Queeg type right out of The Caine Mutiny. everywhere I looked. In 1956, when they snatched I was rewarded with an all-expense paid trip total control of Hungary after the “Hungarian Rev- to Vietnam for a year to head up a Marine olution,” 200,000 people fled the Soviet occupation, Corps spotting team. many leaving with only the clothes on their backs. Service obligation completed, I was drawn Before the Soviet invasion and occupation, we had to Maryland’s correctional system, because returned to the U.S. As our only Christmas present of the opportunities it gave to change the ever-repeating cycle of crime. In spite of Before I turned 11, my parents strong political resistance, I was able to help had implanted in me a lasting awareness make some positive changes. Two were accom- plished with help from Mike Milleman’s of the human costs of oppression. (Dartmouth ’66) Prisoner Assistance Project. Bill Lamb One of those gave Maryland’s female inmates their first-ever access to the programs they needed for effective rehabilitation. The other for 1956, my parents took my sister and me to Camp removed the arbitrariness of parole by con- Kilmer, New Jersey, where we were able to treat tractually guaranteeing it when an inmate a newly arrived Hungarian refugee family to a car met specific rehabilitative achievements full of necessities and presents for their two young agreed to by the Parole Commission and children. It was their welcoming to a new life in the inmate. America. Before I turned 11, my parents had implanted in me a lasting awareness of the human Realizing that early education is the real key costs of oppression. to inner city children breaking out of the cycle of poverty and crime, I arranged for my Before college, I had aced math on my College Hardee’s restaurants to give away thousands Boards; however, the greater world, not math, had of hamburgers to Baltimore City elementary my attention. My childhood exposure to other school kids for regular attendance, and countries and a disenchantment with the blatant rewarded “Students of the Day” when the inequities I saw around me led me to choose soci- schools caught problem kids “doing some- ology as a major. I wanted to understand why what thing right.” Discovering that people buying I knew to be so wrong, was tolerated, and often homes believed their real estate brokers and embraced, by others. agents were working for them (they never A year and a half after graduation, the U.S. Navy were), I established one of the nation’s first offered up a lesson. As an ensign, I was stationed real estate brokerages to exclusively give home onboard the USS Pocono. While the ship was in buyers the representation they deserved. Boston for repairs, Captain Barkley ordered his 55th History has never seen the magnitude of court martial in a year. It was to be a “special court attention to human rights that we experienced martial,” which was much like a civilian trial, but in our era. Like so many others of us, my life instead of a judge, a panel of three senior officers has been shaped by a persistent commitment decided on guilt or innocence. The officers found to redefining what is right and what is wrong. the defendant guilty and ordered sanctions they felt appropriate from a statutory range of possibilities. My dad’s military work allowed me to live in Italy as a young child. There, from 1953 to 1955, I was Captain Barkley was enraged, because he believed they had been too lenient. He immediately restrict- ed the three officers to the ship for a week, so they * Wondering meaning: pondering, thinking about, could better understand their “mistake.” The cap- meditating on, reflecting on, puzzling over, spec- tain then reconvened the punishment phase of the ulating about, being curious about. court martial, with a demand that the three officers

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 92 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE mete out the punishment he had wanted. They officer (NGLO), let me know I should get used to reluctantly complied, even though they knew the them, as they would come our way several times a captain’s order was illegal. When I learned what week. I had been sent to work under Larry for a the captain had done, I met with Judge Advocate while and then to relieve him when he completed General (JAG) attorneys in an effort to have him his tour the following month. LZ Betty, an American court martialed for his manipulation of justice. base near Phan Thiet, was to be my new home. Although I was not successful in getting him Those rockets were my welcoming. It was May 1969. charged, as a result of my efforts, the Chief of Naval Fortunately for my survival, soon after my arrival, Operations’ office did instruct the captain that he my counterpart who was in charge of the naval would order no further courts-martial. As a whistle- gunfire team supporting the Korean Army’s Maeng blower, my Navy career was irretrievably damaged, Ho (Tiger) Division was prematurely sent back to the and I was soon ordered to Vietnam. U.S. With an immediate need for a NGLO to support The incoming enemy rockets flew into Landing the Tigers, I was ordered to take his place. I said Zone (LZ) Betty two hours after I did. U.S. Marine goodbye to LZ Betty and headed north to the Tiger Corps Captain Larry Doak, the naval gunfire liaison Division’s HQ, in Binh Dinh Province, about ten miles outside of Qui Nhon. Once there, I directed offshore gunfire from allied warships to hit on-shore targets designated by the Tigers. A few years before, the Tiger Division had been tasked with “pacifying” much of Binh Dinh Province. Before their arrival, the province had been one of the most dangerous regions of South Vietnam. As a result of the Tigers’ efforts, much of the enemy activity in the area had been eliminated. In doing so, they earned a reputation for being absolutely ruthless, as their soldiers became known for killing anyone believed to be an enemy combat- ant or suspected of supporting enemy forces. On American bases, it was not unusual for soldiers assigned to perimeter guard duty to be found smoking pot or sleeping while on duty. If caught, a draftee’s internal response was likely the then popular refrain: “What are you going to do? Send me to Vietnam?” Even though our base perimeter consisted of claymore mine fields, rows of razor- wire, and fencing, the Tigers made certain their soldiers never slept while on guard duty. Any supe- rior who discovered a sleeping sentry was under orders to put a loaded pistol to the sentry’s head and pull the trigger. It happened only once during my ten months with them. I served in Vietnam for a year. While there, for short periods I was assigned to three American bases and encountered incoming enemy rockets at each. In stark contrast, to my knowledge, during the ten months I stayed with the Tiger Division, not one round from any enemy weapon was ever fired into our base. The Korean soldiers had been effective in convincing the villagers around us that they would be held directly responsible if there was any enemy activity around our HQ. One morning, I heard that four Viet Cong soldiers, who had been captured during combat the day before, were reported to have died of malaria that same night. A reliable source suggested that during Republic of Korea Tiger Division a session of intense interrogation, one by one, they

CLASS OF 1967 93 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE had been thrown to their deaths from a helicopter Was the Tiger Division’s treatment of the in flight. Decades later, at the War Remnants Vietnamese people around them ethically Museum in Ho Chi Minh City, I viewed a photo of different from the drone attacks we are a Viet Cong soldier falling from an American heli- using against Taliban or other extremist copter. The Koreans and Americans are not the only groups? In both cases innocents are killed. ones who believed in the effectiveness of enhanced How is it justifiable to bring an enemy to interrogation. Comparable methods of enemy inter- its knees by carpet bombing cities full of rogation have likely been used by every fighting innocent people, yet not acceptable to kill force that has ever been at war. possibly innocent people when you believe My thoughts and questions they are consorting with your enemy? Of course, the more obvious ethical question Before heading to war, I was trained on the relates to whether or not I am “right” in provisions of the Geneva Conventions relat- fighting in a war in the first place. ing to the treatment of prisoners and the protection of civilians in a war zone. In spite Given that war has always been about the of those provisions, it was clear to me that business of killing the “soldiers” who fight if captured in the jungles of Vietnam, I would in them, is killing or torturing a captive most likely be interrogated, tortured to obtain never acceptable? Is not war basically a any useful information, and killed. wholly uncivilized practice of mass killing of human beings? If so, how can I reason- My experiences in Vietnam, and mental ably expect soldiers, when in the throes of processing since then, have allowed me to combat, to act according to civilized stan- better understand war and other methods dards? And, if I adopt this line of reasoning, used to subjugate humans. Although I find when are “conventions” protecting innocents the barbaric actions of ISIS in the Middle even relevant? East to be reprehensible, I do comprehend why they, and countless other power hungry Is it realistic for a soldier, in the heat of forces before them, choose to kill innocents, battle when minutes truly count, to act impregnate and enslave captured women, humanely towards the captive who, minutes force captives to either support their cause or before, killed his buddy — or who has infor- be executed, and publicize their horrid exe- mation that might save the soldier’s life or cution of their enemies. When leaders are the lives of 10 of his fellow soldiers? eliminated and real fear is created in those Do I really know where my line is that allowed to live, the masses’ will to oppose should never be crossed? What would make is largely eliminated. In time, most people me cross it? do fall in line. Each of the 12 men sitting with me at the table was Korea’s Tiger Division employed some of serving a life sentence for murder. We were meeting ISIS’s methods and, by so doing, kept me inside Maryland’s 162-year-old Penitentiary. The safe. Here in America, the approach worked Commissioner of Correction had asked me to get wonders for the European settlers who effec- together with them to discuss ideas they had for tively wiped out most Native Americans, the state establishing a minimum security facility, subjugated the rest, and claimed African men where well-behaved life-sentenced inmates could and women as property. eventually be housed to quietly live out their lives. In the safety and comfort of my living room After just a few minutes, I realized that I felt no here in Vermont, it is easy to argue the pros different than I had the day before, when meeting and cons or rights and wrongs of extraordi- with fellow administrators. I was struck by the irony nary rendition, waterboarding, or other of the situation. Under some circumstances I might enhanced interrogation methods used by the expect each of them to come to my aid. Under CIA. For me, the answer is not as clear as others, any one of them might kill me. That day we what I’d like it to be. There are two things, were helping one another, as we tried to find a solu- though, that I know for certain. When at tion to a common problem. the Tiger Division’s HQ, I appreciated being It was 1973, and for two years I had been working able go to sleep each night and wake up as a planner for Maryland’s Division of Correction. alive the next morning. I am also exceeding- Three out of four of the faces I saw in the jails ly grateful that our enemies have not been were black, and three-quarters of those were from successful in taking down many more of our Baltimore City. Judges and prosecutors talked open- “towers” in the years since 9/11. ly about how, if you were white, from “the county,”

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 94 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Most came from the same inner city disadvantaged communities as the men who were serving time in prison. Paul Showell, our director, learned about the “Serve II” program and decided we would par- ticipate. Long-term welfare recipients were to be “hired” by state agencies to work full-time for a six month period, in temporary jobs created specifical- ly for them. All costs were borne by the federally funded program. The theory was, if these women could achieve a viable work history, their experiences and their hosts’ recommendations would allow them to become employable in normal jobs, where they could earn a living wage and get off welfare. Paul had decided we should hire four participants Baltimore City Detention Center and gave me the job of selecting them. Wanting to have plenty of people to choose from, I asked Bal- and you committed a non-violent crime, you timore’s Department of Social Services to arrange weren’t sent to a state prison. Instead, you would do for me to interview 40 of the women who had vol- your time in a county jail. That meant you’d have unteered for the program. I arrived at a downtown a maximum sentence of 18 months. A black face Social Services office at 8:30 a.m. to conduct the gave you a ticket to both a more dangerous prison interviews and was assigned a private office. I was and a lengthier sentence. shocked to discover that nearly every woman I interviewed expressed a strong desire to capitalize To me, it seemed clear that a disproportionately on the opportunity to get off of welfare. Each, in high percentage of Baltimore’s young black males turn, presented a case for why I should select her. were experiencing time in prison. I examined a When asked when I would make my selection variety of data relating to incarceration rates and decision, I told them I would decide at the end of Baltimore’s population. My research results indicat- the day, after I had finished all of the interviews. ed that roughly a third of the young black men from Baltimore City would experience prison before At 4:15 p.m., the supervisor for the Social Services they were 30 years old. I discussed my findings with office notified me that I had to stop what I was some of the leaders in Baltimore’s African-American doing, because they needed to close up the office. community and suggested that they might use the She absolutely refused to allow me to stay. Six statistics to lobby for changes in the criminal jus- women, who had waited all day long, had not yet tice system. After the study was reported in the been interviewed. About 25 of the others were sit- Baltimore Sun, some expressed the opinion that ting, awaiting my selection decision. Together, we a public discourse on the issue should be avoided, were all kicked out on the street. as it could contribute to the negative stereotype of A few buildings up Charles Street was a high-end young black men held by many people. restaurant. I left the women outside and went inside. Over the years, our nation has caught up with where I explained the circumstances of my predicament to Baltimore was in the early 1970s. Today, roughly the owner, and asked: first, if he might be willing one-third of America’s young black men end up to allow me to finish my work somewhere in the spending time behind bars. Sadly, the percentage restaurant before his dinner business started up, and of young black men from Baltimore City who end up second, if there was a place where the other 25 in jail is now even greater. Because it is so common, women could sit, while they waited to learn of my in disadvantaged urban communities there seems selections. His response bolstered my faith in peo- to be little stigma associated with incarceration. ple. He not only offered me a private office for the For many, it has almost become a rite of passage. interviews but also invited all of the women into In spite of some structural changes, Maryland’s cor- his lounge, where he served them free beverages and rectional system has continued its unabated growth. snacks until I was done. After six months working At the time of my study, their state prisons housed with us, all four women we hired successfully found approximately 5,000 inmates. Today they hold more meaningful employment elsewhere. The experience than 20,000. From what I have read, about half con- taught me some lessons about welfare recipients, tinue to be black males from Baltimore City. social services agencies, and strangers. While working with Maryland’s Community Cor- My thoughts and questions rections Task force, I witnessed the high personal Should I have fought harder for greater motivation of a large group of welfare recipients. public discourse about the disproportionate

CLASS OF 1967 95 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE imprisonment of black men, back in 1975, they would also get a job and keep it. I made a when I did my study? Would doing so have proposal for the program to the Greater Baltimore made any difference? Area Manpower Consortium, which covered the What does it mean to have such a large city and surrounding counties, and they quickly subculture that views law enforcement as funded it. I’d lose money if we couldn’t achieve their enemy? Should it concern us that so the agreed-upon goals but make a fair profit if we many black youths view incarceration as a did. Our classes intentionally included some men badge of honor? who were on “work-release” from one of the state’s minimum-security facilities. All of us, including How do our nation’s policing and criminal future students, the consortium, and the staff, were justice policies impact the families of the delighted with the results. inmates who cycle in and out of our jails? How do young mothers or fathers manage While developing my businesses, I was serving on when their partners are locked up? How do the Board of Directors for Dismas House, a city children manage when their mothers are halfway house for released inmates. As a result, the behind bars? What is the impact on our challenges presented to the correctional system schools? What stops the children from follow- remained on my mind. By the end of 1979, the ing in their parents’ footsteps? country’s “war on drugs” had begun to have an effect. Greater enforcement, mandatory prison terms, It was not difficult to provide our four “Serve and longer sentences had swelled Maryland’s jail II” women access to a future they truly cov- population to the point of serious overcrowding. eted. Why does our “system” fail so many I was invited to help solve some of the problems that Americans who want to experience the pride had been created. As Superintendent of Maryland’s that comes from having a real job? “Pre-Release System,” I was to be responsible for a How can we ever stop the cycle? How many dozen facilities, scattered around the state, which “Fergusons” are smoldering around us as we were housing a growing population of 1,500 men do nothing? and women. The broader implications of our society’s The previous year, 400 of the Pre-Release System’s unwillingness or inability to address these inmates had walked away (escaped) from the open issues scare me. facilities; and they had done so without any real consequences. The local prosecutors were over- In time, I came to realize that the work I was doing whelmed with normal cases and did not want to had little impact on stemming the tide of new expend valuable resources on prosecuting escape arrivals in Maryland’s prison system. By the time cases. Their understandable position was that the cor- I turned 32, I found myself wondering if it was time rectional system should be able to deal with its own to move on. I wanted to make more money than a problems. In fact, we weren’t. Because of the over- government job could bring, have greater control crowded conditions in the jails, when escaped inmates over the outcome of my work, and, I hoped, accom- were caught, they were quickly cycled right back into plish some positive changes at the same time. minimum security. The communities near my facil- That opportunity came when Baltimore’s “Penn ities were up in arms over the non-stop escapes and Pontiac” dealership moved to the suburbs. I left state lack of response by the correctional system. service, purchased the building, and started “Car When I was appointed as Superintendent, I made a Club,” a do-it-yourself car repair business. In a part of public commitment to enacting tighter controls the 25,000-square-foot building, men and women and safeguards and to working in tandem with the took classes on how to repair their own cars and actu- state’s police agencies to stop the escapes. In short ally fixed them using our lifts, tools, and equipment. order, I discovered that 55 of my minimum security When helping to develop rehabilitation programs “residents” were serving sentences of “life in prison.” for Maryland’s correctional system, one of the things Many of these lifers were on “work release,” spent that had frustrated me most was that I could not get their days in the community working for private busi- a contractual service provider to guarantee results. nesses, and were approved for “family leave.” The They wanted assured profit with no accountability. courts had ordered them to jail for life, yet they were Having a large and well-equipped garage, I realized freely moving in and out of the community, much that I could put together an automotive mechanics like you and me. Programs like work release and family training program to help some chronically unem- leave made good logical sense for inmates who were, ployed men and women get back on their feet. in fact, approaching their release dates. It seemed Unlike any other program in the area, mine would questionably appropriate, though, in the case of have a performance guarantee. I’d promise that our inmates who had been sentenced to life in prison students would not only complete the training, and had no reasonable expectation of release.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 96 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE There were many problems that needed to be murder of my 12-year-old daughter. If I could addressed, but I decided to begin with the lifer issue. do so, would I be “right” to kill them if In reality, corrections professionals often consid- I caught them in the act? What if I caught ered lifers to be relatively safe risks when allowed them afterwards and they “surrendered” to exposure to the community. Having taken a decade me? In either case, how is this different from or more to work their way to minimum security, they what I expect from a soldier who just cap- had far more to lose than inmates serving shorter tured the man who killed his buddy? How sentences. With the exception of those who have would I feel if the court sentenced my child’s committed sexual crimes, many were not habitual killers to life in prison, but 18 years later, criminals. Their crimes were often committed as a I discover the correctional system was allow- result of complex circumstances that led to a mur- ing them to move freely around my commu- der, rather than out of a real desire to kill people. nity? What would my reaction be if I read That does not mean that if we exposed the com- that they had been released from prison and munity to enough lifers, some of them might not then killed another person’s child? do something heinous. They most certainly would. In September 1991, Baltimore’s Sunpapers I believed that there had to be some limit to the reported, “A convicted murderer who escaped number of individuals serving life sentences that from a Maryland minimum-security prison should be in minimum security, particularly when raped a 14-year-old … and, along with two the community had no way to identify the crimi- other men, held police at bay for an hour and nals. I ordered that no more lifers would be accept- a half at a Times Square hotel.” In April ed in my facilities until others left. The ways they 1993, The Sunpapers reported: “Samuel might leave were quite limited: the Governor could Veney, whose Christmas murder of a Balti- commute a life sentence or grant a parole, or one more police sergeant in 1964 prompted one could escape or die. of the largest manhunts in city history, is Prisons are invariably understaffed. Because lifers again a fugitive — this time charged with are in for the long haul, they have a vested inter- escaping while free on a family prison leave. est in maintaining their privileges and living in as Originally sentenced to death, Veney won a predictable prison environment as possible. If they commutation to life imprisonment in 1973 are model inmates, they gain more privileges, along and has been on work release for more than with a better job, and eventually move to lesser- a decade — although he was not under con- security prisons. Because of this reality, the goals of sideration for parole.” lifers and staff are somewhat compatible. Many lif- In 1993, Maryland prohibited life sentenced ers actually help staff keep order inside the higher- inmates from being housed in minimum-secu- security institutions. In Maryland, after a number rity facilities. Those there at the time were of years as a model prisoner, a lifer could expect to be transferred back to medium-security prisons. rewarded for his efforts by being transferred to less- For many “civilized” people, execution for er-security facility. Minimum security status was the committing a crime represents a most extreme ultimate goal. I had effectively eliminated that option. violation of basic human rights. In 2013, Shutting off this channel to minimum security Governor Martin O’Malley led a successful caused an uproar throughout the other institutions. fight to repeal Maryland’s death penalty. In My thoughts and questions January 2015, he commuted the sentences Keeping a man in prison for one year costs of the four remaining inmates who had about the same as it would cost to send him, received death sentences prior to 2013. all expenses paid, to an Ivy League college Why are death sentences for horrific crimes for that same year. so repugnant to many of us, when during During 2013, over 50 new inmates arrived war, we so readily turn innocent young men at Maryland’s correctional reception center and women into soldiers and set them about with life sentences. Two hundred more were the business of killing or being killed? Which sent to serve lesser sentences for murder. life is more precious or deserving: a person Today, 2,400 of Maryland’s 20,000 state who murders for personal gain or macabre prison inmates are serving life sentences. gratification, or the soldier’s life when he is Housing just these men costs $120 million sent to fight our wars? a year. My predecessor had established a “college program” Let me assume that two men committed a for some of the inmates. Under that program, early horrific crime which included the intentional each weekday morning, a busload of inmates were taken from one of my facilities to the Baltimore

CLASS OF 1967 97 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Civic Center. From there, they were expected to take around the garage and loaded up my cart with the public transportation to a variety of area colleges. items he planned to steal. My alarm silently called The routine was reversed in the evening. the police. Their German shepherd collared the man. Based on disturbing rumors I had heard and con- Months later, a trial was finally scheduled. After cerns about the program expressed to me when I waited for nearly four hours, the State’s Attorney meeting with Baltimore’s Police Chief, I contacted finally presented his case. He then told the judge that the various schools (which were “partnering” with the owner wanted to speak prior to sentencing. The us) and asked them to supply attendance records for judge asked why I was present. I respectfully respond- my inmates. They refused and then complained to ed, “Your honor, this individual did over $800 in my boss, Maryland’s Commissioner of Correction, damages to my property. I would appreciate it if you about my unreasonable request. He instructed me would please order restitution.” Probation before to have no further contact with the colleges and to judgment, with no restitution, was the Judge’s sen- “leave the college program alone.” tence. After all, it was the perpetrator’s “first offense.” In response, I quietly assigned two trusted correc- In my inner city Hardee’s restaurants, employees tional officers to begin an undercover investigation were instructed that, when anyone demanded and follow each inmate to determine if they were money or anything else in the store, they were to actually complying with our rules. I contacted the immediately give them whatever they wanted or police chief to let him know what I was doing. more. My goal was to get robbers away from cus- A month later, our investigation was complete. Many tomers and staff safely and as fast as possible. Late inmates had spent their days on the streets instead one night, I was called by an employee to let me of in classrooms. We charged every one of the know that my night manager had just been pistol- inmates with one or more violations of the rules they whipped and taken to Johns Hopkins Hospital. A had agreed to follow when they had been admitted robber had accosted her as she was heading to her into the program. The Commissioner of Corrections car to take the evening’s receipts to the bank. He ordered that all charges be dropped. He seemed to had shown his pistol and demanded the bank bag have believed that, because they were college stu- and her own purse. She later told me she had will- dents, they should be able to skip class if they ingly given him my money but put up a fight over wanted and socialize off campus like other students. giving him her purse. The robber was not caught. My boss, the Commissioner, was not aware that the My first Hardee’s was on a main street in a predom- Baltimore City Police Department had been work- inantly residential neighborhood in East Baltimore, ing with my correctional officers. The police were right across the street from one of the larger Roman happy to take over. A couple of weeks later they Catholic churches in the city. When the restaurant arrested all of the inmates as they were boarding was being built, a neighbor asked me: “What are you the bus for the return to their institution. The going to do about the prostitutes?” Unbeknownst arrests were broadcast live on the 6 o’clock news. to me, the corner where my restaurant was being built had a reputation as “the place to go” to pick The Commissioner found different employment. In up prostitutes. time, so did I. Having always been enamored with the idea of being in the restaurant business, I decid- Hookers and their pimps were a daily annoyance ed to buy a franchise and build a Hardee’s fast-food to my staff and our customers. The hookers were restaurant. In 1983, my first Hardee’s opened for eking out a marginal existence. Most were addict- business. ed to drugs and struggling to support their habits. Their activities had a direct impact on the quality As a business owner in Baltimore, I would guess that of life and basic rights of the single women and I or my businesses were victimized about 50 times. mothers walking down our street with teenage At some point, I stopped counting. The crimes I daughters, who were constantly propositioned by remember included assaults, breaking and entering, droves of men cruising around in cars. My restaurant robbery, thefts, malicious destruction of properties, filled up with unwanted business in the evening. larceny, and attempted arson. Each crime cost me Pimps would sit at my tables, sipping Cokes and money. Altogether, my costs exceeded $100,000. eating food with their hookers, while waiting to Things I had purchased for dollars were fenced for connect with male customers inside my Hardee’s. cents. Each break-in involved costly damage. For I then realized that prostitution is not necessarily a what? The answer was often illegal drugs. victimless crime. Regardless of their crime, the perpetrators were After meeting with neighbors and police, we came caught only twice. In one case, a thief had broken up with a plan. I printed up posters with the mes- through the door to my do-it-yourself car repair busi- sage: “We report hookers. You should too.” They ness. He caused significant damage as he rummaged were placed in the windows and drive-thru of the

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 98 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE restaurant and also made available to the local com- How many of my friends have not once munity for placement in homeowners’ windows. experienced a high from an illegal drug? People from outside the area thought we had a Yet, how many of them have ended up in serious problem with truancy; but locals all under- jail because of their stash? stood the message. Our criminalization of mind-altering drugs Cashiers were instructed to refuse service to anyone drives their cost way up. In the process, an they believed was a hooker or a pimp. I tried to pro- enormous amount of what was our money is tect myself from losing a law suit for slander, by transferred from the hands of drug users to the instructing employees, if challenged as to why we coffers of an immense criminal underground. would not serve them, not to give a reason, but to tell Armies of men and women, working to supply them to call me, the owner. My name and phone or consume the drugs, fight and kill one anoth- number were conspicuously printed on all of the glass er (and sometimes us), to get their fair share exit doors. My employees did their job well, and to of either the profits or the drugs themselves. my relief, I received neither calls nor lawsuits. Even Users steal from me to fund the high cost of so, chasing away hookers and pimps was not easy. their addiction. Sometimes people I care Targeting the demand was key to solving the prob- about get hurt in the process. If I report the lem. Baltimore’s Southeastern District police comman- crimes, they are seldom solved. Then I must der willingly assigned a vice squad team to regularly share the enormous cost of all the people and work inside and around my restaurant. Arresting facilities needed to keep the criminal justice the soliciting men turned out to be a cakewalk. system growing. The cops; the judges; the As I arrived one particular evening, a very attractive, lawyers; the correctional officers; the prison but visibly slutty-looking undercover policewoman administrators; and the construction firms “decoy prostitute” told me that earlier in the evening who build bigger and better prisons all profit. she had arrested a man for soliciting her inside the How can decriminalization of mind-altering restaurant. She had cuffed his wrist to her own and drugs not make good sense? In Rhode Island, walked with him across my parking lot to where where marijuana is illegal, a higher percent- her partner was sitting in an unmarked car. In the age of people consume the drug than in evening light, they had actually looked like a cou- Colorado, where it is now legal. ple walking hand in hand. On the way, a second I have always been a vocal opponent of sexual man drove by and suggested that he, too, was harassment, but my first Hardee’s opened my eyes interested in some action when she finished with to how insidious it can be. Many of my employees the guy she was with. She motioned for him to go considered the restaurant to be their second home. away, but he would have nothing of it. While there, they felt part of a large but caring and After turning the arrested man over to her partner light-hearted family. Most of the time, going to and doing some required paperwork, she headed work was actually fun. In fact, it turned out to be back to the restaurant. The second man, having wait- too much so. ed for her to return, asked her how much she would Needing a person to coordinate our work with 40 charge him for a certain act. He, too, was arrested. city elementary schools, I hired Pat Arthur, a former We managed to get some publicity about the prob- Catholic nun turned social worker, to help out. lem in the media. One evening, after our battle Although her job work was to be outside of the with prostitution was reported on WJZ TV’s 6 restaurant, I wanted Pat to get to know our business o’clock news, Marty Bass, their popular weather by spending the first two weeks working at a variety reporter, decided to “check it out” before their 11 of positions inside the restaurant. She loved the fami- p.m news hour. He cruised around the block a cou- ly atmosphere and camaraderie and regretted having ple of times and then pulled up in front of the to leave to do the job for which she had been hired. undercover decoy. When she asked him what he The restaurant’s staff didn’t want her to leave either. wanted, he claimed to have replied: “I’d like to get After her time working in the restaurant, Pat told me into your head.” She heard “I’d like to get head” that she had noticed a serious problem. Some of our and promptly arrested him. The non-stop publicity most loved employees, three “dirty old women” who about Marty’s arrest was extremely disconcerting worked in the food-prep area, and a fun and man- for him. The charges were later thrown out, but loving female supervisor, were the primary source. As the publicity served wonders for getting the word they worked, they took great delight in teasing our out that if you wanted a hooker’s services, you male employees. Regular sexual innuendos and com- should not look on our corner.My thoughts and ments about specific body parts were a part of their questions daily banter. Other employees joined in, and no one

CLASS OF 1967 99 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE ever complained. I doubt if anyone ever felt abused, William Lamb’s name inscribed on the Wall. yet we were all blind to what could be considered a Although I had not known that Bill Lamb, seeing case of hostile environment sexual harassment. his name was a sad but poignant reminder of what I called a meeting of all employees so we could dis- my own fate might have been. cuss the subject of sexual harassment. After listening My thoughts and questions to a myriad of reasons why everyone felt that, in our Have we put ourselves in a bit of a box? Do case, the behavior was acceptable, and actually con- we now lack a suitable framework for effec- tributed positively to morale, they were instructed tively dealing with today’s complex prob- that sexual comments would not be permitted in the lems? Are we not yet fully civilized? Is it future. It may have been the only time when every possible that, in some regards, we might one of the restaurant’s employees was angry with me. have actually become too civilized? Are In my effort to understand why human rights are some things in life simply too difficult for not universally honored, I have been drawn to us to comprehend? visit monuments to victims and iconic symbols of In trying to understand complex social issues, times during our era when leaders exerted their I retreat to my small, but unfortunately theo- overwhelming power and either killed or deprived retical, island. I live there with 1,000 other masses of people of basic human rights. humans — cut off from any other civilization. I thought of my 1956 Christmas while visiting We must survive together, without any out- Budapest’s Terror Museum and the Shoes on the side resources. Once I get there in my mind, Danube Bank Memorial — monuments to oppres- I then consider how I and my fellow island- sion under the Nazi-affiliated Arrow Cross and the dwellers will deal with particularly confound- Soviets. While there, I had dinner with György ing situations. For instance, how would we Kárpáti, an award-winning Hungarian film director. deal with the problems caused by mind- Working for the International Committee of the altering drugs? Would we make them illegal Red Cross from 1973 to 1982, György created film and jail those who grow, make, or use them? documentaries of the impact of war and oppres- If two of the island’s residents raped, mur- sion in 80 different countries. His own personal dered, and mutilated my daughter, would story is profound. As a child, he had been one of we put them in a small jail where five of the only people among his extended family and our residents could guard and care for them Jewish school classmates to avoid extermination. 24/7 for the rest of their lives? How many I have reflected on war and the suppression of of our resources would we commit to keeping human rights while standing in China’s Tiananmen our community safe from those who have Square; in Germany, at the Brandenburg Gate, Berlin preyed on us in the past? Wall Memorial and Documentation Centre, and Is it possible that we would find executing National Memorial to the Victims of War and the killers to be a viable option? Tyranny; in Holland, the Anne Frank House; in the Czech Republic, the Terazin Concentration Camp Our Congress has been incapable of coming up and the Memorial to the Victims of Communism; in with a solution to an invasion of desperate but Cambodia, the Killing Fields, the Sleng Prison Muse- illegal immigrants from Mexico and Central um, and the Land-mine Museum; and in Vietnam, America. We are not alone. As I was writing this the Cu Chi Tunnels and the War Remnants Museum. paper, two ships, each carrying hundreds of illegal immigrants, were set on autopilot towards Italy’s I’ve discussed the morality of and resistance to war shores and then abandoned by their smuggler with Father Joe Wenderoth, a close friend, who was crews. The problem is widespread, and the related prosecuted as one of the Harrisburg Seven for his costs to the “host” countries are astronomical. actions in opposition to the war in Vietnam. As our country was deliberating over whether to invade Iraq, In the last several years, my wife and I have had the I conversed about war’s complexities with Jim Roche, opportunity to spend a couple of months biking and a real-estate client turned friend, who at that time backpacking in Denmark, Norway, and Sweden. It was serving as Secretary of the U.S. Air Force. was not unusual for those we met along the way to express frustration or even despair with their coun- I gave burial at sea honors to an American who try’s influx of immigrants from Eastern Europe and died while fighting in Vietnam, shedding tears as Africa. They complained that many of the immi- his weighted casket was released by its bearers to grants, who are largely of the Muslim faith, did not slide down a ramp into the ocean. And, I have vis- share their new countries’ core values and had ited he Vietnam Veterans Memorial. There, among not assimilated into the Scandinavian culture. the names of men I had known, I came across a

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 100 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Many Scandinavians have become dispirited by the The last challenge requires that we accept and face increases in crimes committed by immigrants, their up to what I believe is a sad truth about the nature general lack of respect for the rights of women, and of humans. There will always be men and women, the open drain they have created in the country’s and even religious groups, who will do whatever welfare systems. As a result, in recent years, these they need to do to gain extreme power and wealth countries have enacted increasingly strong anti- and use it to subjugate and hurt other people. An immigration laws. army of followers will always be standing by to These past champions of those fleeing oppression willingly do their work. The growing Muslim faith, in search of a new life are now pushing back to especially radical Islam, with its unequal treatment halt the influx of immigrants. Ironically, the open of women and its Sharia (Islamic Law), poses an arms they offered in the past have resulted in an increasing threat to human rights. Their subjuga- erosion of their sense of safety and common core tion of women, with women “agreeing” to their values. Their past tolerance is now leading to the lesser status, is hardly different from slavery where disappearance of tolerance itself. Tragically, simply “good” slaves did not complain. We cannot allow stemming the flow of new immigrants will do lit- our belief in religious freedom to cause us to stand tle to solve the formidable problems these countries by and permit oppression to be practiced in the now face. They must figure out how to encourage name of any religion. the immigrants already there to assimilate and For us to maintain our freedom and preserve the adopt the human values that Scandinavians trea- human rights we hold dear, we must all be willing to sure. Scandinavia is not alone. Many other coun- speak out, and when tries, including much of the European Union, face necessary, vigorously similar issues. defend basic human During our lifetime, our country has experienced rights whenever they monumental changes as the human rights move- are attacked. To me, ments have successfully redefined our legal defini- together these rights tion of what constitutes basic human rights. The are, like an intricate results have impacted the lives of every American. scaffold, capable of That redefinition process is still ongoing. I expect collapsing at any that it will never stop. Along the way, it is certain point. Enjoying them that some gains we have made will be attacked. depends on each of Some may be lost. us doing our part to keep them standing. The reality is that a significant portion of the Defending them, world’s leaders absolutely do not share our values. whether on behalf of As I look toward the future, I believe we face three ourselves or others, is great challenges if we are ever to ensure that all seldom easy. Doing so people can have the rights that most Americans can put us at risk of now enjoy. financial loss, ridicule, ostracism, and even death. Here in the U.S., our greatest present threat lies Yet, by hanging back, stepping aside, or simply in our inner cities. It is similar to that faced by remaining silent when wrongs are being commit- Scandinavian countries. A new roadmap is needed ted, we all risk losing the rights we failed to pro- for us to shepherd the children now being born tect. Powerful forces like the Nazis, Khmer Rouge, into our seriously disadvantaged inner-city fami- Taliban, and ISIS, which are determined to suppress lies. We must take them down a path that leads them, will never be stopped without the sacrifice of them to adopt our country’s core values and helps innocent lives, whether they are our own, or the them become valued and contributing members of lives of the children and families of both the oppres- our society. sors and the oppressed. Second, we must decriminalize the distribution and Simply by virtue of our graduation from Dartmouth, use of mind-altering drugs. Our nation’s anti-drug our Class has been blessed with a level of good for- policies have cost us in far too many ways. These tune and influence that relatively few people will policies are also destroying the lives of millions of ever experience. Along the way, we have witnessed people who live in Mexico and Central America. and often benefitted from a myriad of human rights Large regions of those countries are now totally improvements. I believe that being vigilant and controlled by powerful narco businesses — suppliers protective of those advances, and using our power of many of the estimated $2 billion of illegal drugs and influence to help less fortunate people share both distributed and consumed each week by our them, could be our greatest privilege. fellow American citizens. February 2015

CLASS OF 1967 101 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Interview with Beirne Lovely Interview conducted by John Isaacs

Why don't you start out by telling me a little Given the fact that I was in ROTC, I was probably about where you were raised, your upbringing, influenced by the people with whom I was partici- and your family before your arrival as a ’67 at pating. But to me at the outset, Vietnam appeared Dartmouth. to be a country that our governmental leadership I was raised in Nahant, a small town on the North thought was worthwhile in protecting against Shore of Boston. Nahant is a small town — about a Communist incursion. I think that was in my square mile, and lies across the harbor from Lynn, mind throughout that time period. Particularly Swampscott, and Marblehead. Grew up with one around 1965–66. brother, Edward (a wonderful retired chemist and And I understood that others felt very strongly about now holding a doctorate of philosophy) about seven it (on either side of the argument). Obviously at years older than me, so we really were not close at Dartmouth there was a lot of demonstration going all growing up.

I went to public school in Nahant through junior I think we all kind of resolved to deal with high, then I went to Lynn Classical High School, one of three high schools in Lynn, and it was from our circumstances in whatever way we wished. there that I found my way to Dartmouth at what Beirne Lovely I’d characterize as the 11th hour and 55th minute. I was a waiting list admittee. I had actually signed up to go to Bowdoin (from where my two sons ultimate- on as our four-year stint went forward. But I was ly graduated), because I had not been advised of my ready to go. For me, I suppose it was old-fashioned acceptance to Dartmouth by commitment time. patriotism. No one in my family had ever been in the service. It was something I wanted to do. I was Heard from Dartmouth by telegram (a real telegram) proud to do it! But it never caused a rift between me during August and immediately decided that was and a number of my classmates who were on the the place for me. That was an exciting time for me. other side of that fence. There were no bitter con- Interestingly, I had never visited either Bowdoin or frontations or arguments about the war — but there Dartmouth. Everything that I saw was in the cata- were certainly enthusiastic discussions accompanied logs; that was as close as I got. We didn’t take any by the expected barbs on both sides. college trips when I was growing up. I think we all resolved to deal with our circumstances I don’t think you could look on the web at that in whatever way we wished, and obviously people point to see. did that. I want to emphasize that I respect them all for standing up for their views. No, you certainly couldn’t, that’s true. When there were some demonstrations, especial- How did you decide Dartmouth would be one of ly, I guess, senior year, including at the ROTC the places you’d consider? graduation, how did you feel about that? I have to confess it was all predicated upon a review I wasn’t thrilled about it. I understood — I think of various catalogs and talking to various people. I knew it was coming. I was overcome by the excite- I even toyed with West Point for a while. There’s an ment of finally being commissioned as a Marine example of a dramatic contrast in style of schools! officer and getting on my way. In any event, there was no particular reason to choose Dartmouth. Had a couple of family friends I remember that about a week and a half before who had attended. graduation, I got a call from the registrar’s office, and I didn’t know what that was about. My bill was Let me ask you — First of all you were in ROTC, paid. I went over to the registrar’s office, and one then, all four years of Dartmouth? of the folks in the registrar’s office said to me, in Yes. effect, “By the way, you realize that you’re not going to be graduating in June because you failed to We were only beginning to hear about the war fulfill one of your distributive requirements. I almost when we started in ’63, and of course it escalat- had a heart attack! It turned out that because of ed dramatically later, starting in ’65, but what my stellar performances as a freshman in the sci- was your impression of the Vietnam War during ences, I somehow had not completed the necessary your undergraduate days? science courses.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 102 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE he made some reference to a geology course that I had successfully navigated. After a very long silence, he somehow magically determined that such a course was close enough to chemistry and that it would fulfill my distributive requirement. He wished me good luck, thanked me for my now to be realized service, shook my hand in his usual overwhelming manner and sent me on my way! What a guy!

I don’t think I’ll bother asking why they didn’t tell you beforehand. I know it. Of course there was probably some pre- sumption that I knew what the hell was going on, but that was not the case. In any event, as you can appreciate, graduation was much more exciting for Beirne Lovely receiving a second Bronze Star for me. And it was exciting not so much for my wrap Vietnam service. It was being pinned on by Major up of a less than stellar early undergraduate acade- James L. Williams USMC, Commanding Officer of mic career, but the fact that I was getting commis- the Marine Barracks, US Naval Base, Newport, R.I., sioned and very proud of it! I was looking forward circa 1969–70. to getting that ball rolling. And, even better, I was doing it with some very close friends. I went into a panic. It was right around reunion gatherings on campus. There was a lot of activity on And you actually did have a chance to go campus. I remember tracking down the Dean of through graduation before — during the commis- Students, Thaddeus Seymour, in a tent on an sioning service? evening where he was having a good time with Yes. I mean — I think — I may be wrong in the order some class reunion entertainment. Understandably, of things, but I think we got the commission the he didn’t want anything to do with me at that day before graduation. But in any event, we got moment. He told me to come see him in his office into our white uniforms and got commissioned, the next day. He had no idea who I was. I was not and then we had a hell of a party. I was so proud close to the administration. I remember going to to have my parents share all of that with me. They his office the next day and him coming out to gave up a lot to put me through school and sup- greet me. I don’t know if you remember, he was a ported me all the way. My Dad later died in 1981, fairly big guy. and my Mom died in 1998. Yes, I do remember. I think we had a couple of weeks before we had to report to the USMC Basic School in Quantico, He was quite well known for his overhand hand- Virginia. We were the first class of fiscal 1968, shake where he would kind of come down with which would have begun on July 1, 1967. So there that big mitt of his, and you’d have to reach up was John Masters, Andy “Drew” Ley, Jon Feltner, and grab his hand. He crushed my hand, presum- Bob Koury, Jeff Zimmerman, and me starting to ably just to show me he had the “upper hand” at pursue our new and scary endeavor as Marine offi- that moment. And he was absolutely right! cers. Since Koury was a couple of years ahead of us Anyway, I went into his office, and he was at first at Dartmouth (he had some delay because of grad- very serious. He looked at my record and explained uate school at Tuck School), I think he was a first patiently that it appeared that I had not met the lieutenant by the time we got there. The rest of us sequential science distributive requirement. He were boot second lieutenants. So we went right into asked me what I intended to do “once” I graduated! a five-month intensive training program at Quantico. I said that I was supposed to be commissioned as a That was an interesting time. Basically they trained Marine officer the day before graduation. I think all Marine officers as infantry officers, and then we I may have had a tear or two in my eye at the time were to go off into further training in our various thinking about how I would explain my predicament chosen (or designated for us) specialties such as to the senior Marine officer on campus — Maj. Rip infantry, flight, tanks, supply and logistics, etc. Wieler. (I feared my demise to be imminent!) I am sure I added an extensive line of bullshit to the con- What was your specialty? versation as well. I recall that he just rocked back My specialty was infantry, by choice. And of course in his chair, and he looked at my file, and in effect if you chose infantry, you knew exactly where you

CLASS OF 1967 103 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE were going. South Vietnam! Wasn’t any debate poor private was standing around, and we ordered about that. him to take us to the place where we were to be given our assignments. It was Vietnam. I remember walking in, breathless, the two of us Jon Feltner, John Masters, and I selected infantry, the first people to arrive, saying to some captain and Drew Ley chose flight. Drew liked showers and who was assigning lieutenants, “Are there any pla- officers’ clubs, and linen sheets, so he went off to toons left?” He just laughed at us and said, “Are flight school to do his thing. Jon and I, after the you shitting me, Lieutenant? That’s not a prob- Basic School, had 30 days leave or something like lem.” So Jon went to 2nd Battalion, 4th Marines, that, and he and I ultimately flew to San Francisco, and I went to 1st Battalion, 9th Marines, who had spent three or four days in Okinawa, and literally the affectionate name in the Marine Corps as the flew over to Vietnam together, landed, and went “Walking Dead.” Not an encouraging nickname! to get our assignments. We were assigned to differ- ent units when we got there. Jon was wounded Was this the group — I know you were in Khe twice, and he was later sent back to Okinawa after Sanh. Was that where you were immediately his second Purple Heart, but we all got home at posted, or were there other posts? about the same time. We were up in northern I Corps around the Dong Ha He later wrote an essay, too, and I can’t remem- and DMZ area. Then, right at the end of January or ber the details, but was he also involved in the the beginning of February, we went to Khe Sanh as Mayaguez incident later on? a reinforcement unit for the 26th Marines, and we stayed there about 100 days or so before we went He was. He was actually the planning officer who off into the northwest. planned both the shipboard landing and the shore landing. He led the ship-to-ship operation, which was It sounds as though in that period you were quite the first ship-to-ship assault since the 1800s, I think. eager to serve.

Might have been Revolutionary War. I guess so. More scared and nervous than anything else. You thought a lot about getting killed or wound- It could have been the Revolutionary War. Actually ed. At least I did. And I think most people, if they you’re probably right. You must have been a histo- were honest, would say the same thing. I worried a ry major. And so he planned, and then he led, the lot, but you get into the swing of things, and that ship-to-ship landing while another group attacked was secondary, obviously. You did your thing. the land positions. It was a simultaneous attack because they didn’t know where the hostages were I remember I got stuck on an outpost that ultimate- located. ly got overrun. Lot of young, very brave Marines were killed or wounded that night. I think that was And it turned out most of the trouble was on land, really the baptism that night of the battle. A bunch and they lost a number of people in the process. of mortars had come in, and my ears were adverse- Jon stayed on with the Marine Corps for a number ly affected, so I was having a hell of a time hearing of years. When I came back from Vietnam, I went on the radio, etc. It was a really bad time. I look to law school at Boston University. To my surprise, back on it, and I wish I were stronger and braver when I walked into class on the first day, Drew Ley and whatever, but it was the first time of my life was one of my classmates! I hadn’t seen Drew in a when I really understood the severity of the circum- year or two. It was interesting. And then Jon Feltner stances that were surrounding me. I guess I spent went to BU Law some years after us, and at one about one half of my tour in the field, and later on point, both Jon and Drew worked with Goodwin in the year — I forget exactly when — I spent some Procter for a while (and where I practiced for over time back in a staff position for a 3rd Marine Divi- 30 years). sion in Dong Ha. When you went to Vietnam, I assume you were But while I was in the field, all I really did was try sent immediately to the field. to do my job and to keep young people safe and alive and not do stupid things. Not that we all Yes. I remember Jon and I worrying about whether weren’t forced into doing what I would call stupid we were going to be able to get a platoon to com- things from time to time. It was really a growing mand (the ultimate desire of a Marine infantry experience, and it was in large part a very lonely expe- officer). We wondered whether there would be any rience, because you had to walk a fine line about infantry platoons left for us to lead. We thought how close you got to the people that worked for they might stick us in some office job, so when we you. There weren’t a lot of other lieutenants to talk landed in South Vietnam and got off the plane, the to, because everybody had their own position and first thing we did was commandeer a Jeep. Some

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 104 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE their own role to play, so it was actually very lonely I was thrilled to be home all in one piece, so that at times. was terrific. I was back seeing some old friends. I got stationed in Newport, Rhode Island, close to Boston, You said you wish you were a little stronger and which was a real plus, and was enjoying the more braver. I would suspect your record demonstrates relaxed life. I enjoyed the Marine Corps. And even that you were quite strong and quite brave. at that point, before I met my now wife (Joan Marie I don’t know about that, but I think that first expe- Camden) of 44-plus great years, I toyed with staying rience, when we lost so many people, was almost in. In fact I even considered going to law school like you went through survivors’ remorse. Wondered and being a Marine Judge Advocate (JAG) officer. why it wasn’t you. But of my entire experience in And then I met Joan, and it was a whirlwind rela- Vietnam, I was most particularly impressed with tionship. However, one of her conditions to marriage how remarkable these young men were that I was was that I get out. She didn’t want, nor did I look working with. Very determined. Very well trained, forward to, the prospect of an unaccompanied one- under the circumstances. year tour every three years, which was what was Even those who were forced into the Marine Corps happening at that time. That didn’t bode well for and went through basic training, and like new lieu- building a family, so I took my leave after my com- tenants ended up in Vietnam, these guys did their mitment. It was more than four years, but I look back job and did it bravely and well. There were too on it as a very good period in my life, and to this many occasions when I had to tell these youngsters day I’m very proud that I was in the Marine Corps. to do things, knowing that if they were to go from here to here, that they could be killed in the process. Back earlier you said you felt like a father figure. They just didn’t balk. I heard a lot of tales of other Let me get this straight. You were 22 or so, or 23? people who were experienced soldiers or whatever I think I was 22 at best. who refused orders and what not. That just never happened to me. When you got in the rear, kids And these youngsters were 17 or 18? would get a little cocky and get into trouble and Seventeen, 18, and 30 and 35 and 40, some of the whatnot, but in the field, when things counted, they older guys. Some of the old salts. It was very inter- just acquitted themselves in a remarkably admirable esting. You relied on your non-commissioned offi- way, and that’s what I remember most. cers (sergeants, etc., so-called NCO’s) if they were I often felt like a father figure, because it was my good, and most of them were. It was very evident responsibility to make sure they didn’t walk on the you were in charge. They expected you to be in paths and that they broke through the jungle or charge. They expected you to know what to do. You the undergrowth, which wasn’t popular, but these relied, if you were smart, on your NCOs for guid- areas were less likely to be booby-trapped and the ance, but at the end of the day in your own little like. Much more likely to find those on the trail, world of 30 or 40 marines or whatever it happened which was easier to walk on. We had to be careful. to be, you were the guy. You made the decisions. You called the shots, and that was pretty challenging, But all told, it was a growing experience. Terrifying I thought. I wouldn’t say it was fun at any time, at times, fair to say, but something that I was very but it was challenging. It was also, as I said, a lone- glad that I did. I mean, I didn’t think a lot about ly experience in many respects. You really had to politics when I was there. There was very little influx rely primarily upon your own very limited experi- of news that you could hear on a day-to-day basis. ence and whatever God you look to for guidance. When we were in San Francisco, getting ready to ship out, people taunted us and made fun of us in It was kind of the way I looked at it, and as I said, the airport and walking through the streets. It wasn’t I was happy when I came out the other end and fun — same thing when we came home. It makes me sad that I had lost a lot of friends. I also remember so proud and happy to see our troops being treated Bill Smoyer and Duncan Sleigh — two of our better now. Dartmouth ’67 classmates (commissioned through OCS) who were killed during that time. Looking This is on your way to Vietnam? back on it, entering the war was a terrible decision, That was on the way to Vietnam in late ’67. Right I think, and I — like many — would say right think- around the new year of ’68. But all you really ing Americans would look back on the war and say thought about — all I thought about, frankly, was that it was a big mistake. keeping alive and trying to keep other people alive, But at the time it was easy to justify my being in and do what we were told to do and do it as well as Vietnam. Somebody was trying to kill me, and I was- you could do it. But I didn’t think or reflect on Viet- n’t fond of his goal. Even when I was back in the nam until well after I returned. When I returned, States, for the most part, everybody was in the same

CLASS OF 1967 105 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE The North Vietnamese took over in 1975. Right. I remember Drew Ley and I were in the same section at BU Law, and there were a few military guys in our class, and we tended to hang together. We were all married at the time, so we didn’t hang around the school a lot after classes. Went to school in the morning and came home at night. Didn’t do a lot of socializing. There were a few comments and discussions, but even there, we were treated respectfully. Nobody went out of their way to say thanks for being in the Marine Corps, but I would say it was well into the ’80s that it just came to settle on me how costly the war really was. It was a sad time. But I never regretted doing what I did. I never held myself responsible for having done something wrong. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I felt like I had done my duty. I did it as well as I could do it. I could have been much better at it. Like all things, you can always improve, but I don’t look back on it with any sadness or regret. I look back on the experience of the war overall as a regret- ful, tragic set of circumstances, but I was proud to be a Marine. I thought I carried out my responsibil- ities pretty well, and I never regretted that. I’ve never had second thoughts, if you will, about hav- ing done the wrong thing with my life. That’s never The marriage of Beirne Lovely and Joan Marie Camden bothered me. situation. We all wanted the war to end. I don’t It sounds — a lot of American soldiers came back remember taking much heat from people in the and immediately got grief from protestors and community or when I was out and about doing others. It sounds, though, you managed to — non-military things. It wasn’t until substantially that didn’t happen to you, particularly. later that — as I reflected on the war, I realized how No. Where it happened, where I experienced it tragic it was when you lose 57,000 young people. most, was every fourth day at the Newport, Rhode Fifty-seven thousand people, including a whole Island, Marine Barracks where I served, one of us bunch of people with whom you fought, as well. was assigned as a casualty assistance call officer. So I did — I don’t know, 20 or 30 or maybe more knocks That’s right. I mean 57,000 military people on our on the door telling people that their son or husband side! When you think of all the civilians and sol- or father had been killed in Vietnam or wounded diers on the other side that were killed in Vietnam, or whatever. And you experienced a lot of under- it is breathtaking. For it to come to an end in a standable anger and resentment during those way that really had no measurable benefit to any- encounters. You’d do the notification and you’d body, it was a sad period in our country’s and coordinate the funeral, and you’d do a lot of other Vietnam’s history. It wasn’t a victory. We didn’t win. things. You’d take a lot of grief at the funeral or at I think we did our job and did it within the para- the funeral home. People were bitter for their loss. meters of our capabilities as well as we could do it. I always went on these calls with a big sergeant. I’m not commenting on the leadership or the strat- Somebody to back me up, because you never knew egy, but in terms of on the ground, everybody did what people were going to do. what they were supposed to do. But looking back on it, it was a huge mistake. At one point down in New Bedford, a guy beat the hell out of me. This guy, a father of a Marine, was When did you come to think about that and a fisherman, and when he answered the door and realize that? saw us in uniform he just latched onto me and It was many years later. I went off to law school in started pummeling me. 1975, and the war was winding down. I had a young Then we had funerals where people tried to over- family and lots on my mind. Nonetheless, some turn the casket and burn flags. One time, while we tough memories kept recurring. were in making the call, a crowd gathered and tried

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 106 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE to turn my official sedan over on its side. So we did the summer, not get paid while I was in law school, experience some bad times there, but they were pay for law school myself, and then owe them four isolated and relatively rare over the period of time years when I finished didn’t seem like a great deal that I stayed in the Corps after I came back. to me!

Probably was almost the hardest experience of all. The general agreed with me, that I’d be a pretty stu- pid lawyer if I accepted that deal, because I could That was the hardest. It is indescribable how diffi- do the same thing by resigning my regular commis- cult that was. I think about that far more than some sion and taking a reserve commission. They’d cer- of the other stuff. I mean I remember from Vietnam tainly put me on active duty in the summer if I some of the funny things, but the casualty calls were wanted, and then I could rejoin the active Marine pretty brutal. And you ran into all kinds of people. Corps and I’d still get credit for my time in grade You ran into people who were crestfallen at the for promotion as a reserve officer. So there was no loss of a loved one, but every now and again you benefit. And, of course, they would have readily ran into somebody who within about five minutes let me back in if I had later asked whether I could would ask about the insurance. It was unsettling at come back in at the end of law school. times for different reasons. But you were married at that point? It sounds as though you were not as sure exactly what you would do, but you had a kind of course I was married, and I had two children by the end of set in life, and you’re thinking after college at law school and two very shortly after that. There some point you go to law school and practice was no chance of that. So I went right to work. law. And you did. Friend of ours, the daughter was also engaged, I did. I think, to a classmate who was in the Army and went over to Iraq, but she said the same thing In other words, the Vietnam War did not ulti- I guess you two said, which was, I’m not going mately — it may have delayed that, but it did not to marry you if you’re going to stay in the mili- change that. tary and go off on various assignments abroad. That’s correct. In fact, the Marine Corps made a That’s not the kind of life I’d like. pretty substantial push to have me stay in, but I have two sons, Dave and Greg, and two daughters, there was no program at the time that afforded me Kristen and Michelle. All spectacular kids and, along any benefit. There was a general that came up to with my wonderful wife and lifelong partner, Joan, see me, actually flew up from Washington to con- my two spectacular daughters-in-law (Kerri and vince me that I should stay in and become a lawyer. Sarah) and one-of-a-kind son-in-law (Dennis Carr) They were looking for infantry officers who had are my best friends (together with our seven grand- been in a combat situation to become JAG officers children, Cam, Maggie, Dylan, Jax, Taylor, Scotty, because they thought that would be helpful and and Wes). They have friends who went into the give more credibility to the JAG Corps, etc., but Marine Corps. For example, one young man that when he explained the alternative, which was go I can think of specifically, he did five or six tours in to law school, have basically a summer job during Afghanistan and Iraq while married with young kids, and he just recently got out. He just couldn’t do it anymore. They just couldn’t — it was traumatic for him and his family for him to be leaving all the time. He’d be gone for six months, home for six months, gone for six months. I mean he feared totally losing connection with his family, and he couldn’t do it. I think that’s a very common experience.

Do your kids or your grandchildren ask about your experience? For the longest time I didn’t talk much about it. More recently, I have talked to my kids about it at some length, but my seven grandchildren are too young. My oldest is 11. But I think my kids are extremely Beirne Lovely with Nguyen Cao Ky, at the U.S. Naval proud of their old man and don’t mince words about Base in Newport, R.I., during an early 1970s inter- it. Very supportive. In the last five or ten years I’ve national conference of Navy leaders. Beirne was in gotten interviewed a few times, and stuff like that, charge of the welcoming ceremony. and they read about that or they read some citations

CLASS OF 1967 107 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE hanging on the wall of my office. They read those forget which one it was, but somebody tacked some- and say, “Shit, Dad, glad you’re still here!” thing up on the wall and said if you want to talk about the Vietnam experience, meet at Dartmouth In the article you sent me from the Milton Times Hall the next day morning at 10:00 am. (your hometown newspaper) from 2014, you talked about your experience going to the Viet- That was probably me, because I think I orga- nam Memorial in Washington. nized that. That was a strange experience. It was funny. I was Well, then you remember we had a wonderful a corporate securities lawyer and was down in exchange of stories where some people were in tears Washington for an SEC meeting, and I forget exact- and hugging at the end. Some people had gone to ly when this would have been. While I was at Khe Canada. Some people avoided the draft. Many had Sanh we had lost a lot of brave young Marines in demonstrated against the war. Some had served in one night, and the way they put the names on the other ways. People just told their stories and the Wall is by date of death. I had never been to the difficulties that they had in reconciling their objec- Vietnam Memorial. tions to the war, knowing that some of their friends I decided after a morning meeting, I would go over were in harm’s way. That was the first interesting and look at the Memorial. I wasn’t going to fly back and constructive exchange of thoughts about what until the next day. I remember going to the Memo- we were doing at that time of our lives. rial, and the next thing I remember is being in my But aside from that, it’s been periodic and intermit- hotel room. There were often guys at the Memorial tent stories here and there. I never in any conscious who were kind of keepers of the Memorial (there way resented people doing what they did. That used to be a lot of veterans who would help people never bothered me. People sincerely felt what they find names on the Wall, take pictures, help with were doing was the right thing for them. I was rubbings from the Wall, etc.). I think I must have pretty focused on what I wanted to do, but I never passed out seeing the starkness of those names for felt abandoned or that I was treated with disrespect. the first time. And a couple of those guys found People who I knew that took totally different cours- my hotel bill in my briefcase and they literally got es of action as a result or in light of Vietnam, were me back to the hotel. And I don’t remember it until still my friends, and when we met, our different getting back to the hotel. That’s how bizarre it was. activities didn’t adversely affect that. I wish I could Just total blank memory of being kind of left in my say that I spent my life carefully reflecting on the room, and I vaguely remember just kind of snapping incongruity of what I did and what others did, but back into it. I really haven’t.

So I must have broken down in some way, and it’s That’s, quite frankly, common I think in all wars. never happened since. Nothing like it has ever hap- My father-in-law fought in World War II, I think pened to me before, but that was a really bizarre in North Africa, and then up in Italy, the boot experience. in Italy and into Germany, maybe Austria, and In previous Dartmouth reunions, we’ve also had my wife was told early on, don’t ask him about discussions about Vietnam and the various expe- the war. Don’t talk to him about it. So not talk- riences, including people like you who had in ing about a war experience, I think is very com- some ways the toughest, most horrific experience mon, probably today and certainly through of someone’s death, and others who flew supply previous wars. planes, and others who were on boats in the I think that’s probably right. I think that’s right. rivers, and others who were medics, and others who didn’t go at all. How did you feel about Any views about long term — by the way, my those discussions? view of that meeting and other discussions is every — even though people had very different About other people’s roles or other people’s activi- experiences, no one felt resentful that someone ties during the war? else’s choice was more fortunate than your Both discussing the war, because I suspect there own. It was we were all stuck in a very difficult weren’t a lot of opportunities to discuss the war time with very difficult choices, and just it was outside of that, but then the experience of other a time of hard choices thanks to government classmates having very different and varied policy, and just because one person had a differ- experiences? ent experience doesn’t mean it was any easier or should be — I do remember — I will say that the one thing that I remember vividly is a reunion we had, a class reunion, Or any more right or wrong. I had exactly the same and I forget. Maybe it was our 25th. I honestly experience. When I came home, my wife did not

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 108 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Home for Veterans in Boston. There are a lot of people from the Vietnam era who are really hurt- ing and who never had the opportunity to have their difficulties attended to in a way that they’re being attended to today. Not that it’s any easier for those people who are experiencing PTSD, but PTSD was a fact of life from Vietnam. It’s just that nobody recognized it. In Boston, we put up about 300 peo- ple a night in our shelter, and we’re doing a big project now to provide permanent supportive hous- ing for a lot of veterans. But there are some very sad and traumatic stories, and a good number of those veterans who are in our veterans’ center are Vietnam veterans who are pushing 70 like myself. So looking back, I think we learned some lessons from Vietnam, and I think we ignored some lessons from Vietnam. It has caused me great chagrin to watch us go into Afghanistan and Iraq and see young service people basically picked off one by one, and at the end of the day, I’m hard pressed to present a set of facts that says we’ve done a lot of good. People will disagree with that, but again I just think that our presence there in the minds of many was well intentioned, but we’ve lost a lot of people, and I don’t see at the end of the day where we’ve had a measurable mark on making Afghanistan and Iraq a better place to live. Beirne Lovely I look at Syria today, and Syria is a tragedy. Just imagine living in that environment. I can’t. Can’t attend that reunion. And when I came home to tell even imagine what it would be like. I always thought her about it, that was the highlight of the reunion it would be hard enough to live in Israel and send for me. I thought that was a very helpful experience. your kids off to school knowing some terrorist might Just a wonderful idea. So good for you. blow their school up. But I look at Syria, and I say Thank you. what’s wrong with the world. I have never been able to really put in very good intellectual terms how I’m glad we did it. It would be interesting to do it all of these things reconcile with one another. But again now that we’ve all aged and had the opportu- I think we learned a lot with Vietnam, and I think nity to go in our separate ways. It was a dominant we’ve repeated a lot of the mistakes of Vietnam. part of our life for a while. I would agree on both respects, and this is your Speaking of that, maybe you are — we’re getting interview, not mine, but I do feel that we learned close to the end. Any views long-term of how a lot of lessons from Vietnam for about 25 years, the Vietnam War affected the country or the but in the early 2000s, our leadership forgot those class for the last 50 years? lessons, and we made the same mistakes again. In retrospect, it’s a very important fact that we are I think so. I think that’s right. That’s the sad thing. now recognizing with greater respect and apprecia- Since that time, since my service time, I’ve had a tion the role that the military plays. There’s no wonderful life. I have a wonderful wife and wonder- question. I think that all things military are treat- ful kids, daughters-in-law and son-in-law, and grand- ed with a little more dignity and respect than they kids. They’re all close by, which is an extra bonus. were during the Vietnam era. People are thanked We see them all the time. Life has been good to me. for their service. Not that everybody is in favor of Now I’m really enjoying my new gig (going on eight what they’re doing, but I think that there’s a dis- years now post-first retirement) as General Counsel tinction between the governmental decision to for Seán O’Malley, the Cardinal Archbishop of Boston. fight a war and the people who fight the war. It’s I retired from the regular practice of law at Goodwin an old cliché, but it probably has a lot of merit. Procter in Boston after about 30-some odd years, Myself, I’ve become involved — I’m now the Vice and now I’m working for Cardinal O’Malley, and Chair of the Board of the New England Center and it’s fun and a full-time job. I’m looking at things

CLASS OF 1967 109 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE All the Dartmouth guys at our Basic School Reunion in Quantico last year after 48 years! Left to right: Bob Koury ’65, Drew Ley, Jon Feltner, John Masters, Jeff Zimmerman, and Beirne Lovely (all ’67s). from a whole different perspective. A great challenge No, I have not. Jon Feltner has, and he’s written a and personally satisfying to feel that I’m making a piece and made a presentation, I think, to somebody constructive contribution to the world around me. about his visit. I have not, and although I’ve been asked, I’ve been of mixed emotions. I know that my It’s fun, but I can imagine it wouldn’t be — there’d wife would never want to take that long trip, and be a lot of challenges. I’m not sure I would either. But the people who have It has lots of challenges. Lots of challenges. In my gone back have found it revealing and enlightening job, there are a lot of things that we’re reading in many respects. I think I’ll probably rely second- about in the paper concerning Catholic teachings hand on their visits. I don’t think I’ll make that as they relate to contraception and insurance and trip myself. transgender issues. The Church’s historical and doctrinal position comes from a different perspec- That sounds fine. Anything else you’d like to add? tive than you and I might have as individuals. But Not at all, John, except I very much appreciate your it’s a very interesting role that I play, and every day taking the time to speak with me and other class- is exciting. Cardinal O’Malley is very close to the mates. It’s a huge project, but I think we’ll all be Pope, so we get a little bit of insight in what’s going very appreciative seeing the results. on in Rome and around the world. Every day’s a learning experience. You’ll find a lot of interesting interviews, includ- ing from Jon Feltner, but from others as well. Not I have to say as a non-Catholic, Pope Francis is all about Vietnam, but a lot about Vietnam. extremely impressive. I don’t know how much he’s I appreciate you taking the time to do it, and I look going to change things, but it’s certainly a more forward to crossing paths soon. open and welcoming church than it has been. He is. And he’s very demanding of his priests. I think We will. Certainly at the 50th reunion, perhaps he’s a real breath of fresh air. I’m very pleased to be before. associated with him in a very distant way. OK, John. Thank you so much. And God bless you and all of our classmates. One last question, then I’ll let you go. Have you been back to Vietnam? November 2015

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 110 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Poem: On Being in Vietnam Gerald Magonigal

The Good are not always guilty. I don’t ride a white horse And shoot silver bullets at bad guys naturally. It’s just not my bag. And when I do get shoved into the saddle The black mask placed over my face, And the blazing pistol thrust into my hand, I only wish someone, Anyone, Would remember that I’d just as soon walk, And I’d much rather mind my own business.

Poem written by Gerald Magonigal ’67, who died in 1999. It was originally published by Gerald’s roommate, John Van Hazinga ’67, who died in 2014, by John’s “Desert Well Press.”

CLASS OF 1967 111 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Delayed Recovery in the Civilian Male of the Vietnam Era John C. Rhead

I am a gadgeteer/philosopher (I like to tin- and felt particularly proud to march in the cere- ker with toasters while contemplating the monies wearing my white arm band in combina- meaning of life). I have five step- and adop- tion with a red ribbon signifying the academic tive children. I am the first one in my family honor of Phi Beta Kappa. Externally the red ribbon tree to graduate from college and am proud seemed to confer credibility to the statement I was of it. I work steadily at being a good enough making with the white arm band, but internally I husband and father. My experiences during felt confused and scared. I felt proud of what I was and after Vietnam have probably made me doing, guilty that I was not doing enough, scared a more sensitive therapist, as almost any that maybe I was just acting out some crazy per- humbling experience will do. sonal dynamics, and angry that life had to be so complicated already. * * * * I was born in 1945, a citizen of the United States. At a personal level I worried that I was just acting As I marched through the traditional educational out another chapter in my struggle with my father. system I became a We had argued violently for a number of years college freshman in over all kinds of things, each of us so hell-bent on 1963, a member of proving we were right that the arguments got very the graduating class crazy very quickly. It seemed to me then (and still of 1967, and took does) that we could have ended most of them very the Minnesota Mul- easily by my simply telling him that he was a good tiphasic Personality enough father and his simply telling me that I was Inventory (MMPI) along with thou- sands of other fresh- men around the country. During col- lege I was to learn that the members of my class seemed to represent some kind of watershed with regard to MMPI profiles, generating results so dra- matically different from those of all preceding years as to cause psychologists from various colleges and universities around the country substantial conster- nation. The psychologist from my college who spe- cialized in this area described the class of 1967 to me as having gone “to hell in a handbasket,” say- ing he had not seen anything like it before or since. I enjoyed the uniqueness and felt somewhat defiant- ly proud of it, even though it seemed to be merely a result of the year I was born, rather than anything I had chosen or accomplished on my own. Being born in the United States in 1945 also put me on a direct collision course with my country’s foreign policy in Southeast Asia two decades later, and catapulted me into moral dilemmas that still trouble me. During college, from 1963 to 1967, I was slightly active in the antiwar movement. I took a stand but took no significant risks. I organized a protest at my graduation consisting of nothing more than inviting my classmates to protest the war by wearing white arm bands during the ceremony. I tore up quite a few more sheets than was necessary to provide arm Cover of 1991 Journal that includes John Rhead’s bands for the 10% or so of the class who joined me, article

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 112 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE a good enough son. However, that insight had little must be some mistake, as I had sent them my draft if any impact on the course of our arguments and, card, which was something that I was supposed to as I recall, even became grist for the mill a few times keep in my wallet. I hated them for making me make when I suggested such a possibility. that decision all over again, and considered briefly Vietnam seemed like the war that I was going to win just tucking the card back in my wallet and forget- with my father. The more I read and heard on the ting the whole thing. However, Linus’ words were news, the more indefensible it seemed, and the more certain I became about my opposition to it. My father The aftermath of Vietnam is still maintained that my political opposition to the war painful and difficult for me. was merely a rationalization for my underlying John C. Rhead cowardice and unwillingness to fight for what I knew in my heart was right. It reminded me of his very vague (but stern) admonition that I “would be still ringing in my ears (and conscience), so I sent sorry” if I engaged in premarital sex — I was 98% the card back again with another letter, explaining certain he was wrong but frightened by the possi- more clearly that I was intending to challenge the bility that he just might be right. authority of the draft board by refusing to comply with their requirements. What had been somewhat theoretical got quite a bit more real when I graduated from college and The reply to that one was swift and succinct — entered graduate school in 1967. Up until then stu- report for another physical. I think by this point a dent deferments had been fairly automatic as long fantasy that Linus had stirred in me was dead — as I stayed in school and got passing grades. As the the fantasy that every guy in the country was send- war heated up, so did the draft. By 1969 I had ing in his draft card, creating an impossible over- received my notice to report for a pre-induction load on the prison system, so that the whole war physical, and the theoretical became very real. Was would have to be called off and all the draft resisters I ready really to take a stand and refuse to cooper- would be granted at least amnesty, if not hero sta- ate, knowing that expatriation or jail were likely to tus. That fantasy was now replaced with fantasies of be the only remaining options if I did? On the other being raped and murdered in prison, and I again hand, would I not be more valuable in protesting began to scheme about how to fail another physi- the war if I were still in the country and not in jail? cal. I knew that it would not be so easy this time, On the other hand, if I figured some clever way to since my file would certainly have some sort of red dodge the draft, was I not betraying my own moral (pinko?) flag on it. After considering various ideas, principles, since it left those who were less fortunate I settled for something as simple as a drug to use than I to be sucked up and murdered or mutilated to elevate my blood pressure, which I hoped to be by the war machine? able to take after giving the required urine speci- men (so it would not be detected) and far enough I finally opted to use all the cleverness I could muster in advance of the blood pressure screening that it to concoct an outrageous and complicated scheme would be effective. As it turned out the sequence which, to my amazement, worked! I took the physi- was right (urine specimen first, then blood pres- cal, got a 4F, and was home free — having bamboo- sure) but the time interval was too short for the zled a young psychiatrist at the draft board with what drug to take effect, so I didn’t even bother to swal- I had learned in a couple of years of psychology low the pill. graduate school. I was enormously relieved to have made a decision to dodge the draft rather than Resigned that they had me, I went through the directly refusing to comply, and elated that I pulled remainder of the physical scared and dejected. The it off. It was also a great story, very much like Arlo final stop was a room where about 50 of us were very Guthrie’s version of “Alice’s Restaurant,” complete cursorily inspected for abnormalities of our legs and with a visit to the Moral Waivers Division. feet. The examination was cursory enough that a guy with a club foot passed, and was only detected Unfortunately, things did not stay simple. Nixon upon leaving the room, when one of the staff was carpet bombing Cambodia, and I went to hear noticed he walked strangely. The only person in the a stirring speech by Linus Pauling on the immoral- group who was found upon examination to have a ity of the war and the consequent need to oppose disqualifying defect (or any defect for that matter) it by whatever means possible. I was moved to send was a guy with flat feet — me! This time the 4F my draft card back to my draft board, along with a seemed like a gift from heaven, and I took it and ran. letter explaining how I had schemed to get my 4F and stating that I would no longer comply with the After that I never put my life or health on the line system. I received by return mail my draft card, by challenging the draft board. There was one enclosed with a form letter indicating that there episode that presented itself while I was protesting the war in which I was briefly so endangered. Once

CLASS OF 1967 113 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE in it, I toughed it out John Wayne style, but am Addendum: After drafting this paper, I received a letter sure I would have avoided it if I had seen it com- sent from my college to all the members of the classes ing. As I contemplate it now the suicidal compo- of 1967 and 1968. It contained a summary of the nent of my “toughing it out” makes me aware of findings of a study done by some psychology and psy- how morally painful and difficult those times were. chiatry faculty members who examined some of the To die a martyr’s death while opposing the war cer- alumni of those classes who served in Vietnam, and it tainly would have resolved a lot of things, includ- was based primarily on those infamous MMPI scores. ing the nagging doubt that I had done enough to Among their conclusions, based on careful study of my try to stop the war. Vietnam vet classmates 15 or 20 years after the war, The aftermath of Vietnam is still painful and diffi- were the following: cult for me. There is part of me that is still looking “Even in a group of well-functioning men, for the rite of passage that being a warrior, fighting those with heavy combat exposure in for a noble cause, might have represented. I still Vietnam currently show increased psy- question whether I did enough in protesting. I am chological symptomatology relative to embarrassed by the arrogance that I sometimes feel Vietnam veterans with less exposure … . when I meet someone who was mutilated by the war This effect is not attributable to precom- (physically, emotionally, or spiritually), and I find bat differences between groups … .” myself thinking that they got what they deserved for not being as clever as I was to avoid the draft (as if I had anything to do with it anyway). I am More Recent Reflections even more embarrassed by the arrogance reflected On Vietnam in the occasional fantasy that I could have gone to Vietnam and risen above the atrocities that were Recently, while watching Germany play against committed, thereby making me superior to those Argentina in soccer, I found myself cheering for who were drawn into these tragedies. Part of me Argentina. This got me curious, since I was not feels angry and cheated, just like the vets who served, aware of any particular affinity I have for Argenti- that I am not accorded hero status for the actions I na. As I watched my inner process, I realized that took during that time. I notice that I refer to myself it was not so much in this paper as “dodging” the draft more than that I wanted Argen- “resisting” it, reflecting my ongoing ambivalence tina to win but about whether I am a coward or a brave warrior. At rather that I want- times I can be a bit compulsive about going to movies ed Germany to about Vietnam, as if exposing myself to the visual lose. As I sat with trauma of the war might atone for something or this realization I give me something that I missed. When my step- became aware that son turned 18 and registered for the draft, I found I was imaging each myself ruminating painfully about how we might of the young Ger- handle the situation if some maniac in the White man players as House were to want to put his tender young life in grandsons of Nazis. danger for the sake of some geopolitical chess Then I began to imagine them as being at least the match. At times I get a case of survivor’s guilt, espe- grandsons of Nazi sympathizers or collaborators, cially when I reflect on my second draft physical, too cowardly to stand up against Hitler and his and imagine that something extra is expected of me “willing executioners.” for having been spared. At this point my inner psychologist started to get In the end I guess it’s all grist for the mill. We will interested in what was going on here, and in particu- all learn, grow and evolve as we try to grapple con- lar began to wonder that I might be projecting onto sciously with the Vietnam War and its aftermath. these young German soccer players. What part of me Like many of the really growth-producing situations might I be seeing in them? Vietnam came quickly that life presents, it is not one I would have chosen to mind. Although I made a good initial attempt at for myself or anyone else. But it is here, and it invites standing up against the immorality I believed was us to explore more deeply not only our shadow sides, being perpetuated by my country in Vietnam, when but the possibilities for reconciliation and forgive- the chips were down and jail became a more real ness within and between us. Somewhere in my possibility — perhaps inevitability if I held my ground image of that reconciliation and forgiveness I feel — I became much less aggressive about my opposi- my greatest hope for finding the collective wisdom/ tion to the war. So my inner psychologist notes that maturity that will help us avoid such insanity, with I am projecting onto these young soccer players, and its attendant unnecessary suffering, in the future. their grandfathers, my own cowardice and guilt.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 114 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE I recently met a classmate whom I did not know participate, even as career military officers, but didn’t. while at Dartmouth. As we were getting acquainted I am also envious of the rite of passage to manhood and catching up on our post-Dartmouth lives, that they may have experienced. (Of course this rais- I learned that he had actually spent a substantial es the question of how our culture has lost its capac- amount of time in jail soon after graduation for his ity to offer more meaningful and less destructive anti-war activities. When he told me this I teared rites of passage, but that’s a different and important up, took his hand, and while shaking his hand topic.) Although my anti-Vietnam activities did once thanked him very sincerely. He tried to blow me off place my life on the line in a showdown with an by belittling the credit I was giving him, and I enraged police officer who was trying to break up pushed back hard with my admiration and appreci- a demonstration, I don’t expect I will ever see any- ation for his courage and his sacrifice. I hope he will thing like a Purple Heart or any other public recog- contribute something to this exchange. nition of my bravery and hence my manhood. My outer psychologist has followed the developing The type of psychotherapy that I find most mean- therapies for PTSD in those who have participated ingful is the one put forth by Carl Jung. It is not in war. The single most important new concept focused on any particular symptom like depression that I have seen emerging in this field is that of or anxiety, but instead seeks to address the larger moral injury. Instead of seeing the trauma as a result issue of one’s wholeness or what Jung calls individ- of having had one’s life threatened on the battle- uation. The intention is to find ways to become field, it shifts at least part of the origin of the trauma increasingly aware of one’s personal unconscious to things one has seen and/or done that violate and the collective unconscious, and to integrate this some inner sense of morality. To participate in awareness into the day-to-day conduct of one’s atrocities against civilians, or to witness same with- life. One way to think about such awareness has to out making a serious attempt to stop them, seems do with one’s personal sense of purpose or destiny at least as traumatic as having one’s life threatened in this life. Jung points out that becoming increas- by enemy combatants. ingly aware of such things inherently imposes a Now I return to the projected guilt and cowardice certain burden of moral responsibility to live out I saw in the young German soccer players and can one’s purpose or destiny. Failure to do so can be reclaim some of it as my own. Though I protested another form of moral injury. Many of us no doubt the war and its attendant atrocities, I did not do so caught glimpses of some piece of our life’s purpose with as much vigor and courage as I might have. as we struggled with what the Vietnam experience I am happy to have been spared time in prison, but I brought to us, whether as soldier or civilian. Some regret my complicity in my country’s involvement of us were further stimulated along this path by in Vietnam. A Vietnam veteran whom I have recent- glimpses of the personal and the collective uncon- ly come to know and respect now says he regards scious occasioned by LSD and similar substances, Vietnam as America’s holocaust, bringing me back whether we ingested them ourselves or simply full circle to the Nazi association. Had this holo- heard the stories of the experiences of friends who caust comparison come from anyone other than a had done so. decorated Marine, I might have been able to dismiss No doubt my continuing struggle with my experi- it. As in-my-face as it now is, I can’t help feeling ences having to do with Vietnam have contributed some moral injury of my own. to some of my professional writing, four samples of I remember being amazed when I visited Dachau which can be accessed through the following links. and discovered that is was located in an urban area http://johnrhead.com/writings/volkan_interview- where German citizens walked by very day and saw/ 2.pdf smelled what was going on. I wondered if people http://johnrhead.com/writings/psychospiritual- shared in private, perhaps even in group psychother- causes-of.html apy, what they knew was happening. Did they feel http://johnrhead.com/writings/psychotherapy_pea the kind of moral injury I do for failing to confront ce_final.pdf publicly their own holocaust? http://johnrhead.com/writings/the-renaissance-of- With regard to those Americans who have participat- psychede.html ed in all of the illegal (i.e., undeclared by Congress) July 24, 2014 wars since WWII, I have mixed feelings of judgment Article Copyright 1991 American Academy of Psychotherapists and envy. I am judgmental of the cowardice (also Inc. (AAP). All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of some of my own being projected here, no doubt) Voices: the Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists, or blindness of those who could have refused to from volume 27, numbers 1 & 2.

CLASS OF 1967 115 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Interview with David Sides Interview conducted by John Isaacs

So why don’t we start out with you talking about I did everything in my power to avoid Vietnam at your upbringing first before we get to Vietnam; first. Not military service, just Vietnam. I tried to get before you went to Dartmouth, where you were into OCS (Officer Candidate School) starting with brought up and went to school and such things. the Navy. Both the Navy and the Air Force seemed I’m kind of a combination of upbringings. I was to be relatively safe military havens. However, their born in Bridgeport, Connecticut, lived in Trumbull, OCS programs were very difficult to get into. You’ll Connecticut; then when I was nine, my dad was probably recall that back in that era you could not transferred up to Montreal, Canada. So at age nine get into Navy or Air Force OCS unless you were in I moved with my family up there until I was 17. In graduate school and graduating in the top ten per- 1961 my dad was transferred back to Connecticut cent of whatever graduate school you were in. That’s again. We moved to Fairfield, where I finished my how picky they were back then. last two years of high school. The only OCS programs where that was not true were the US Army and the Marines. You never took Canadian citizenship? No. My father knew it was not a permanent trans- Let me move back again because we’ve jumped fer. It was a joint venture between a company that forward, probably because of me. So you came he worked for in Connecticut called Bridgeport back to Connecticut for the last two years in Brass Company and a similarly named company in high school? Montreal owned by Noranda Mines, a copper min- Yes, the last two years in high school. ing venture in Canada. We knew right from the beginning it was not a permanent move. And what brought you — how did you choose Dartmouth? It sounds like you spent a fair number of years I’m a legacy. My father, grandfather and great-uncle there before moving back. all went to Dartmouth. As a matter of fact my dad I did. I have to laugh looking back. I remember I was met my mom at Mary Hitchcock, where she worked nine years old when I moved up there, the kids all as a nurse. made fun of my accent. Then when I moved back to the states for my last two years of high school, the What year is your father — because mine was as kids all made fun of my accent. By the time I moved well. back I was about as Canadian as you could be. 1940.

This is jumping ahead, but were you at all — did Mine was earlier than that; ’32 or so. So when you you ever think about the idea of immigrating to were at Dartmouth, you were not part of ROTC Canada as a lot of Vietnam draft-aged men or any of those programs leading to military? decided to do? No. I thought a lot about a lot of different options. It is easy to claim I was really principled about serving rather than fleeing to Canada. I thought about going back to Canada, but I also viewed military service as a serious obligation that was not easy to step around. I wasn’t going to get out of it without doing some- thing illegal. And because literally within a month of my graduating from Dartmouth, I had a notice from my draft board asking, “what are you doing now?” That’s probably a good preamble into this, because what I did was unlike some of my classmates like Warren Cook and Bill Smoyer or other guys that went through ROTC. I didn’t volunteer for mili- tary service or Vietnam while at Dartmouth. These guys intentionally went into ROTC or the Marines with the expectation they might end up in Vietnam. I didn’t. David Sides, October 1969

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 116 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE And when people starting getting — became aware Oh, yeah; absolutely, unless the war ended before- of the war, there were some demonstrations and hand. That’s partially why I did the delayed enlist- other activities at campus. Were you involved in ment, hoping that maybe if I delayed things might any of those? unwind. And it turned out it didn’t — and the delay Peripherally. I wouldn’t say I was an activist one way was not a lengthy one. It was only about four or or the other. I think I was influenced by the senti- five months. ments on campus. And certainly in the years look- And at that time how did you feel about others ing back on it, I think that opposition to the war who were making different choices? Let’s say those was where my sentiments lay. Once I got to Vietnam, Vietnam protesters. You say you were intrigued it was not a war that I was necessarily in favor of, but by the protest but were not that active at all. my commitment to serve outweighed any thoughts I had about the righteousness of the conflict. I was neither here nor there on it. I was aware of the choices many of my contemporaries were mak- I was there to do what I had to do — serve my oblig- ing. I knew that there were guys that were going to ation. But I was not gung-ho, to use the military Canada and some doing other things. My feelings term, about the war. I saw some real downsides to really matured more after I was in-country for a it, and I saw some of it up close and personal dur- while and even further after I came home. ing the 12 months I was over there. I think there’s a rare veteran you talk to these days that would say If you were to ask me back in 1969 how I felt about that it was a well-justified war and that we should it, it’s certainly a bit different today; not tremen- have given more to it to win it. dously, but a bit different. Even at the time I didn’t fault anybody for either trying to avoid the war or Right, but it sounds as though when you were to manage that process in some manner. at college, you were neither gung-ho for the war The only ones that I ever held an animosity toward for serving, but nor were you vehemently anti- were the guys that were doing it dishonestly. That’s war at that point. kind of a nebulous term, but there were guys that No. I wasn’t anti-war. It was just I knew it loomed I knew that were just dishonest about the whole in the background. Perhaps my immaturity at that process. And I don’t include those that went to point lulled me into thinking that God would pro- Canada, nor do I include those that went to jail vide and that I would find a solution. Well, God did over it. I just don’t, nor do I hold any animosity provide, and my solution was to go into the Army. toward those that did alternative service like you did. But there were guys that pulled every string You were drafted or you joined? possible under the sun to avoid military service … No, I joined. As soon as I got that draft notice, I hit to the point of being dishonest about it. And I still the pavement trying to get into the Navy or into the harbor some negative feelings today toward them Air Force OCS programs. And I couldn’t, so I did but not much. Time heals all wounds, I guess. the next-best thing. If I have to go into the Army, then I wanted to do it on my terms rather than These are people who might have faked illness or someone else’s. So I did what’s called a delayed injury to stay out or gotten a note? enlistment into the Army OCS program. The advan- Or knew someone influential that was able to get tage of that was that you got to pick your branch. them alternate reserve service when normally they So I went in the Army. However, before I enlisted would have gone … or maybe got deferred for bogus I did some research and decided the guys in the health reasons. artillery were way back away from the front. That’s But you know, my view on Vietnam and war in the branch I chose. Artillery guys were probably the general has changed tremendously. I often look safest guys in the Army, right? It wasn’t until I got back on it and wonder if in 1967 John Isaacs and to Vietnam I found out that that was wrong. So Dave Sides sat down and had a conversation, how I outsmarted myself. There’s humor in so many would that conversation go? How would that con- things we do. versation have been ten years after I got back from That’s the way my motivation was at the time — Vietnam? How would it have been 30 years ago? you get scared. Self-preservation kicked in, but at I can’t speak for anybody else, but my feelings have the same time I knew I would have to do this. moderated considerably over the years. I remember That part was clear to me. the only thing that really angered me when I was in Vietnam was the cavalier attitude that the students So in other words, when you enlisted in the Army, and faculty at Dartmouth (and a lot of other col- it sounds as though you expected to wind up in leges and universities) had about those that served. Vietnam at some point. My parents sent me a number of publications while

CLASS OF 1967 117 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE I was over there, including one in particular from the varsity team during the pre-season workouts the College. It was either a class newsletter or the my junior year but withdrew before the season Alumni mag, something that was very critical of actually started. those that actually went over to serve. And I wrote During freshman year I had flunked a distributive a letter back to the editor while in Vietnam trying course that I needed to make up to graduate. I had to point out how disheartening and demoralizing it to make that distributive and had to carry an extra was to those of us that weren’t necessarily in favor course right in the middle of hockey season in of the war, but we’re over there serving our obliga- 1965–66. I wanted to graduate more than I wanted tion. My response was never published. to play hockey, so I decided to step out of hockey. It was misplaced blame that never should have It had become more important to me to graduate occurred. We were in harm’s way and should have with a decent GPA than play on the hockey team. received compassionate support rather than being And fortunately Eddie Jeremiah and Ab Oakes, the reviled. It didn’t mean that anti-war feelings about hockey coaches, were very understanding. They the war had to be compromised. Just redirected. supported my decision and left the door open if We’ve seen that come around I changed my mind. starting with the Gulf War, the view of the American public And moving onto senior year, graduation is com- about war has changed. I don’t ing up in June, it was 1967, I guess you thought think we feel any stronger that that the military was one very likely option we ought to be in a war, but thanks to draft, but were you planning anything, the way the GIs are treated is thinking graduate school, anything, looking for much different now. a job or just waiting until the draft? I was exploring all that stuff at that point not know- Yeah. You’re describing one ing really what my options were. That’s why I look David Sides set of feelings you had in back and say in 1967 I was still a very immature Vietnam. Obviously when guy. I may be the oldest guy in the class. I don’t American GIs came home from the war, a lot of know. I turned 71 in August. I don’t know if any- them were treated very poorly. And I’d have to body is older than I am, but I’m not sure that made say that the anti-war activists learned that it was- much of a difference in 1967. n’t the people who fought it; it was the political leaders who sent them. Well, when one person is 70 as I am and one is Right. 71, ain’t much difference. Probably not. The only difference it might have And the idea of treating with disrespect soldiers made was that I turned 21 in 1965, I usually had to when they came home was obviously pretty dis- buy the beer. Some legacy. graceful at the time. True, lots of returning soldiers were treated with You had a role there. So you started exploring disrespect. I don’t remember that I was overtly dis- lots of alternatives as your senior year went on respected other than a few people averting eye con- but once you graduated, that’s when you start- tact and taking a wide berth around me in the ed making a serious move towards the Army airport. It was a whirlwind from the time I landed Artillery Corps. in Ft. Lewis Washington until I got off the last flight Yes. I had already made some inquiries into both in New York. graduate school and going into the OCS programs To a certain extent I was apolitical in 1967 and so but within a month or two of actually graduating too when I returned from Vietnam in 1970. It was- I had signed on the dotted line to go into the Army n’t something that particularly interested me as a on a delayed enlistment commitment to Artillery topic in itself. OCS. It wasn’t a long period, protracted period. I was far more interested in other things. As an And where were you sent for basic training and undergraduate for instance, I was interested in hock- then OCS? ey and getting my degree. I didn’t play hockey all 1 Fort Dix for basic training. I went through in February four years at Dartmouth. I played for 1 ⁄2 years. My and March of 1968. However, I was sick most of the academic career at Dartmouth was a mixed bag. The time I was there with an upper-respiratory infection first year there I struggled. In the second year I did- that ran through the unit like a neuro-virus. They had n’t play hockey because I had struggled my fresh- me in the infirmary at Fort Dix for an extended peri- man year. By my junior year, I felt academically od of time. I was out of training for so long so often stable enough to start playing again. I skated with they considered recycling me through basic again.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 118 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE But coincidentally the guy that was the company I went up to a place called Camp Eagle in Phu Bai, clerk had gone to high school with me, and he dum- which was the home of the 101st Airborne Division. mied the records up so I was able to avoid repeating Coincidentally, Warren Cook, who I knew from the another session of basic training. And then once hockey team, was up there around the same time. basic was over I went out to Fort Sill, Oklahoma, to We never knew that each other was over there, do another eight weeks of advanced training. And never ran into each other, but I supported segments then onto Artillery OCS out there. By that time I was of his marine unit — a small world sometimes. becoming more acclimated to the military and began to feel pretty comfortable in it. When I graduated So I-Corps of course had some of the heaviest from OCS, I was actually feeling pretty good about fighting, especially around the DMZ. the Army and becoming an officer. Because I gradu- It did during Tet. When I got there Tet had been ated second academically in my OCS class and first over for about a year. During Tet, things were just overall, the Command Staff at Ft. Sill asked me to crazy all over I Corps. In fact the battery unit that join the training cadre. I spent the year after graduat- I ended up commanding was almost wiped out ing from OCS teaching officer candidates artillery bal- during Tet. By the time I got over there in November listics and tactics, something I kind of laugh at now 1969, it had quieted down quite a bit. Not that it considering I was an English major at Dartmouth. was a safe place and not that there weren’t some major skirmishes, but it was not like Tet. But you still assumed during that time that when that one year interregnum was completed, you’re And were you involved in some of these major likely to go to Vietnam? skirmishes? I knew I would go eventually. There was no doubt Peripherally. Some of them more directly than periph- that unless the war ended abruptly that I was going erally, but my duty over there, the first several to end up in Vietnam. And so I spent that year in months, was spent flying in a helicopter out to our Fort Sill, Oklahoma, teaching OCS candidates and, four firebases where the individual batteries were to be honest with you, Vietnam duty became more — they were 8-inch and 175mm artillery self-pro- and more appealing as time went by. Six months pelled artillery units. They looked like big tanks. into the assignment, I was extremely bored with Firebases were usually remote compounds of sever- living as a single person on an Army base out in al acres that housed infantry, artillery, and support Oklahoma. The social opportunities were just about operation units. Very often they were carved out of nil; it just got to me after a while. the jungle or on hilltops. Perimeter security was When my orders to Vietnam finally came in, I was accomplished using concertina wire, mines, and a ready. My parents were scared to hell about it, but variety of automatic weapons — and defoliated with I encouraged them not to worry. The chances of my Agent Orange. Occupants of firebases lived in getting killed over there were in my favor. That of tents, foxholes, and sandbagged culverts and revet- course depended on what you did. ments. Life for the GI on a firebase was a tedious Combat Second Lieutenants had high attrition rates. regimen of heat, sweat, incoming mortar attacks, There were certain jobs over there that had much rain, mud, dust (in the dry season), bugs, and rats. higher rates than others. One of them was infantry Rats were everywhere. platoon leader like Bill Smoyer’s assignment. Anoth- By the way, I contracted Type 2 diabetes in my 40s er was the forward observer (FO). And so I went over that was attributed to my exposure to Agent Orange thinking that FO was probably what I would end up dioxin in Vietnam. doing. What in fact happened was quite a bit dif- While usually safer ferent. It was like somebody was looking over my than the unprotect- shoulder the whole time I was in Vietnam. ed patrols done by I don’t know that I deserved any of this stuff, but the Marine and somebody sure was looking out for me. I found out Army infantry that I was actually in demand because of being on units, the firebas- the training cadre at Fort Sill. Guys with those es were often the kinds of technical skills were very much in demand target of attack by in the field. So I got snapped up by a heavy artillery both the NVA and battalion south of Hue. I don’t know how they did the Vietcong. the allocations, but this heavy artillery battalion At the firebases, I badly wanted to get somebody with high technical would work with credentials to come and support them. So that’s the fire direction what I did. Map of I Corps, Vietnam staff, as well as the

CLASS OF 1967 119 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE battery officer staff, to give technical training and support. Mixed in with this firebase training, I was doing enemy target spotting as well from a helicopter. The battalion pilot and I would spend our “leisure” hours flying around spotting enemy targets and calling in a fire missions. There were some tense moments during that stuff. We almost got shot down a couple times. Close calls but no Purple Hearts. Then I did something really unusual, driven once again by circumstance. The CO of my battalion asked me to go up to the DMZ to take command of a small unit that was attached to and embedded in the 1st ARVN Division (Army Republic of Vietnam, South Vietnam’s army). They were based at an old fort that looked out across the DMZ into North Vietnam. My little unit was kind of an unusual group. Normally 175 mm self-propelled howitzer it had a captain in charge with a radio operator, two Army NCO spotter plane observers, and two Marines the right leadership. That was something that wasn’t whose job it was to adjust the 16-inch gun rounds always there. Sometimes they would cut and run. from the USS New Jersey. The captain who preceded Other times they fought valiantly. me had gotten into trouble with the Commander of But I ended up with some very negative feelings the 1st ARVN Division, so they asked me to tem- about them from a different standpoint. They could 1 porarily replace him. I spent about 2 ⁄2 months in be the most brutal people on the face of the earth. this little hell-hole directing outgoing artillery and Life was cheap in Vietnam. It really was, and where trying to placate the ARVN Command staff. our unit was located within the ARVN compound we faced onto an ARVN jail. They had a series of Was artillery directed at you at all? low cages where they would take enemy prisoners Yes. We were literally in a hot spot. This old fort and beat them — then shoot them. When they had where the 1st ARVN Division was based was always prisoners they were interrogating, the sound of in the NVA crosshairs. You could look out over the people being tortured was agonizing. You never got wall of the fort across the valley and see a fort on immune to the sound of it. the other side with the North Vietnamese flag fly- ing over it. And it was a surreal feeling being that And was there anything you could do about it? close to the NVA. Even though it was a demilita- There wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it. rized zone, troops were making forays from both But that’s the way the ARVNs were and I suspect sides regularly. that the North Vietnamese were probably the same. Somebody was always running a raid, the NVA run- Getting back to my original duty with our four ning raids down through our zone or the 1st ARVN artillery batteries was a great relief. troops pushing north across the DMZ. My little unit Was it kind of on-the-spot training? would direct their artillery fire. In the case of the USS New Jersey, an ARVN unit out in the boondocks Of course during the DMZ time period, I wasn’t with an American advisor would call into us for the going to the firebases. When I came back to Phu fire missions. We would act as a relay for the USS Bai, the training resumed. I would fly in, go into New Jersey. The shells from the USS New Jersey were their fire direction control center in an underground so large that when they went over your head it bunker, sit down with the staff there, and go through sounded like a freight train. You know, you couldn’t basic fire direction control and safety protocols and hear them as they came at you but as they went then play what-if games with them. I’d answer any over you the sound was incredible. Unbelievable. questions they had, show them different ways of doing things that they hadn’t thought of doing Did you have much contact with the ARVN before. I would do the same thing with the battery units then? officer staff. Virtually every day, weather permitting, I was right in the middle of them. I would spend time on the firebases training. I’d say if I had to break the time down, I’d say maybe How did you feel about them as a fighting force? half of the time was on these firebases training; the I didn’t get out in the field with them so I can’t give other half of the time was spotting targets. you a solid assessment. Some of their American The US firebases in I Corps were being attacked on advisors felt that they could be very effective with a fairly regular basis. The difference was that during

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 120 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Tet the firebases were not only being attacked, the Firebase Bastogne was one of the most remote, self- NVA were trying to overrun them. They had large contained fire support base units constructed in 1968 concentrations of forces around them. When I was in I Corps. We had a company of 101st Airborne over there it was less of that. There were a few bat- infantrymen there, a Quad 50 caliber perimeter pro- tles further north that involved large concentration tection platoon and a couple other units on it. The of forces, but basically 1969–1970 was a period of four-gun battery of 8-inch and 175mm heavy small skirmishes. Khe Sanh and Tet were the last artillery howitzers that I was in charge of was based large-scale battles in I Corps and were over by late there for almost a year. All told, there were proba- 1968. By the time that I got over there in November bly 400 troops on Bastogne in 1968–1970. of 1969, the large-force battles had pretty much Most of the time my unit stayed at Firebase Bastogne wound down. But the remnants of the Tet NVA and conducted fire missions from there. On a cou- units remained everywhere in I Corps and contin- ple of occasions we left Bastogne for a few days and ued to inflict casualties for years afterward. participated in raids that allowed us to fire into So you did this for about six months in-country, Cambodia and Laos. One raid in particular took us and what happened at that point? What was north through the old imperial city of Hue, a place your next half of the tour? that was almost demolished during Tet. Another officer came up to the DMZ and replaced So that was the last several months of my tour with me. I returned to my old job at battalion headquar- a combination of things, both good and some not ters at Camp Eagle near Phu Bai and resumed doing so good. Since we were so far out towards the A Shau, the same job I did for the first four months over we were a target for perimeter strikes and incoming there. The only change was that I was given the rockets and mortars fairly regularly. We lost a few privilege of being designated the assistant S3 for the people out there. That’s the part that I have the battalion by the guy I worked for — a major named toughest memories about. Ron Cox. He was a crackerjack soldier, really knew Because of comrades who were killed? his stuff and was very, very good with me. He helped me enormously. Yes. Sometimes it wasn’t even guys in my own unit. One of my toughest memories is having to And the rest — so that part of the tour was rela- hold this kid from the infantry unit on Bastogne tively quiet? and watch him die. We’re not exactly sure what The last half turned out to be not as quiet as I happened, whether it was an incoming or outgoing thought it was going to be. What ended up happen- round or what it was, but he ended up with a piece ing is that they had a captain out on one of the fire- of shrapnel that hit his neck and tore his carotid bases that was getting ready to rotate back to the artery. So that’s one of my death memories, having states. I don’t know why they decided to do this to hold this kid while he died, and there wasn’t a rather than take one of the captains back in the damn thing I could do about it. rear area that badly wanted that command, but So you were there in-country about a year? they decided to send me out there. So I went out initially as the XO for the battery just to get accli- Yes, I was there a year. mated for a couple of weeks, and then I was named Shipped home and out of the military, or did you Battery Commander. still have some service left once you went back For the last several months of my tour in Vietnam, to the States? I was the Commanding Officer of A Battery, 1/83rd Artillery at a firebase called Firebase Bastogne, which at that time was the furthest firebase west toward the A Shau Valley. It was located 12 miles west of Hue on Highway 547 — halfway between Hue and the A Shau Valley. I’ve included some pictures with this write-up. Mud city.

Is that Bastogne the place of the World War II battle? Yes, Firebase Bastogne was named after the town in Belgium where the Germans held US 101st Airborne forces under siege in December of 1944. Several firebases in Vietnam were named after WW II bat- tles and locations. Fire Base Bastogne

CLASS OF 1967 121 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Well, that could have gone either way. My boss, the Battalion Lieutenant Colonel, called me in from the field when I got down to about 30 days left on my tour. He had a helicopter dispatched to pick me up and bring me back to the rear area where he was headquartered. He was a pretty decent guy and gave me a pretty good “re-up” speech. He really dressed it up too. It was hard to tell what was BS and what wasn’t. He was playing to my ego. “Sign here, and I’ll make you a captain on the spot. You are the first lieutenant since World War II to serve as the Com- manding Officer of a heavy artillery battery in this Division. You have great credentials to be a career officer. Extend for six months in Vietnam, be a Captain, and return home to a bright career.” I said (tongue-in-cheek), “Oh wow, geez that’s really appealing to me sir. Thank you. Give me a week to think about it.” I did actually think seriously about it. But once again, sometimes things happen and somebody is looking over your shoulder. Monsoon coming, Firebase Bastogne, Vietnam I got back on the chopper to fly back out to Firebase Bastogne, and on the way out we took ground fire. And why did you decide not to reenlist? We didn’t get shot down, but when we landed at the firebase some rounds had clipped the fuselage For a variety of reasons. I wish in some ways I had of the chopper. I didn’t think it was very funny at stayed, but the primary one, believe it or not, was the time. Looking back on it later it seems ironic. that I had trouble envisioning myself as a stateside I thought “Damn, you can get killed doing this.” warrior. You develop a mental attitude when you’re in a warzone. And the longer you’re there, the more Were the helicopters armored underneath? ingrained it becomes. It’s very difficult for me to No. These were strictly spotter helicopters. These explain to you, to put my finger on it, but I just were not tactical helicopters; they weren’t even had — I had trouble envisioning myself being back armed. All of us that flew in them carried weapons, in the States out of the tension of the warzone and but it wasn’t like the Hueys that you saw with the functioning as a desk warrior. machine guns out the door or rockets on the struts. So if you had reenlisted, he would have made you These were smaller copters. Actually they still use captain on the spot, but it would have been for them today. They’re called Jet Rangers. And when stateside duty, not Vietnam? I first got over there, they used “loaches,” similar to the ones you might remember from “MASH.” No; it would have been for a six-month extension in And it felt like going from a Volkswagen to a Cadil- Vietnam and then back to the States. But I would lac, much faster and more maneuverable. But they have been committed to the career and that’s what were not armed. I had a lot of trouble envisioning that I could do it very well. So you said someone seemed to be looking over It’s part of the baggage that you develop in a war- your shoulder again and looking after you. That zone. It’s a version of post-traumatic stress syn- was your decision not to re-up at that point. drome, I think. When I got home, the decompression Right. I look back and realize how little control I had process was a long one. You don’t walk out of an of my destiny while I was in Vietnam. One of the environment where you’re on alert 24/7 and just themes that came to me from Nancy Smoyer, Bill drop your defenses and relax. It was the being on Smoyer’s sister, was the realization that all the way alert all the time that made me realize that when through our lives, we focus on controlling our des- I got back to the States I might have a lot of diffi- tiny, and that’s really what I tried to do with my culty dealing with service in a peacetime Army. military experience. And I probably talked myself I don’t know that I would have, but I knew it could into thinking I actually had control of my fate when be an obstacle. And I don’t mean to minimize the in fact I realized after a while that it was almost total- obvious, that it was a career you could get killed ly out of my hands. I was just there to execute, and doing. I had enough close calls over there with that there was nothing that I could do to control any- kind of stuff that I was fully cognizant that I could thing except in a very, very limited way. be killed at any time.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 122 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Close calls, but you never were wounded? But you went to Boston. What kind of job did Right. I was never wounded. I was around firefights. you go into? I was put into several positions where I was right at Because of my college roommate and fraternity the point of the sword, so to speak, but managed to brother Bill Hayes, I went to work for Traveler’s get out unscathed. Insurance Company. He was a ’67 and Gamma One of the times was when I had to do a midnight Delta Chi fraternity brother. Bill was a French major. run from the rear area in Camp Eagle to bring a He was also Navy ROTC. Bill, or “Woody” as we brand-new 175 Howitzer out to Firebase Bastogne in called him, ended up on a communications ship the middle of the night. The Division command was in the Gulf of Tonkin. When Woody came back to tactically wrong, in my view, when they decided to go to Tuck, he introduced me to several people in do the deployment at night. To this day I maintain the insurance business. the Viet Cong knew what it was and knew where Bill passed away in 2008. it was going anyway. But we did it under the cover of darkness, driving up a road that got mined every Is that what your work career has been largely? night. While I had a gunship helicopter above me Yes, it was all in the insurance industry, except for at my control, we could have been ambushed at any a two-year hiatus with a payroll company out of point along the way. I doubt we could have respond- Rochester, N.Y., in 1999 through 2001. ed fast enough to thwart a nighttime ambush. So graduate school was never in the picture? So that’s the type of environment that I was in. There were numerous situations where danger reared its ugly No; at that point, I just — I was burned out. I didn’t head and some of my guys were killed. We were sur- want to go back to school. I was surprised Woody rounded by danger all the time. That I could die was wanted to but his duty was different than mine. He certainly part of my decision to get out of the Army. was on a communications ship out in the Gulf of Tonkin so he wasn’t getting fired at every day. I was And when you were sent back to the States, that literally just burned out at that point. I needed some was the end of your military tour, is that correct? time to get my head together, I guess. Yes, that’s correct. And do you think your post-Vietnam life would And you said there’s a long period of adjustment. have been very different had you not gone to Any help from the Army in that adjusting to Vietnam? civilian life, or you’re turned out of the Army and No doubt. I don’t know how it would have been dif- you’re on your own at that point? ferent, but it would have been. No, there was no help from the Army. I think if you So looking back now after close to 50 years, how were wounded and came back there’d be help. PTSD do you feel about your service and how do you was not anything really identifiable at the time. feel about the war? I don’t remember anybody even discussing it — and I’m not sure how badly I needed help. I would just Well, let’s start with my service first. I’m glad that call it the normal decompression from war. I did it. It had the benefit for me personally of mak- ing a man out of me quickly. I went from being a I would do odd things. For instance, I’d be at home at my parents’ house and an ambulance would go down the street. Invariably I would start to dive I thought, under a bed or take cover because that’s what you “Damn, you can get killed doing this.” learned to do in Vietnam to survive. Any time you David Sides heard a siren, that was a warning siren that you were going to get incoming. The sound of helicopters smartass college graduate to becoming a man with- still elicits memories. I always look. in a three-year period. At 25 years of age, I was lit- That tension was there, and it took a while for it to erally responsible for the lives of 150 men in a settle down. I didn’t wait a long time, though, to get combat area. That will make you grow up quickly. myself in gear and get going. I waited a couple of It made a man out of me. Dave Sides quickly grew months and then I got a job in Boston and started up to be far more responsible than he had been in working. But I think even then I was still a little the past. I became much more thoughtful and wor- “squirrely.” You may or may not have noticed it if ried less about the mundane things in life. When you had seen me at the time. My belief is that you are in a war zone with the enemy shooting at almost everyone that served in a combat area in you, it makes the daily issues you encounter later Vietnam had that same kind of a thing. Others can in life seem relatively tame. Most of our adult probably articulate it better than I can.

CLASS OF 1967 123 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE I looked at the book, the 25th reunion book, and you had about one or two sentences about Vietnam. About Vietnam?

About your experience in Vietnam, right. Yes, I didn’t put a lot in there about it. And that was partially intentional, because you know, I just did- n’t know where people were with Vietnam at that point in time.

Do you have kids? I have a daughter — 37-year-old daughter.

Did she or other people ask about your Vietnam experience in later years? Firebase Bastogne, 175 mm gun Yes. Quite a few people have. She really can’t iden- tify with it, so it’s very difficult to explain to her. challenges do not have life or death consequences Even my wife, who by the way was Bill Hayes’ sis- and when they do we are better prepared to deal ter, had a lot of difficulty really grasping what it with them. was like. She passed away in 2008, the same year I feel the war was a mistake. Over the years I learned as her brother Bill, our classmate. more about Vietnam than I knew at the time. I can I find that explaining Vietnam to someone who has unequivocally say that the Vietnam War was a never been there to generally be a challenge. damned mistake. I’m now engaged to a woman, Marie Anderson, But that said, those of us that served fulfilled our who is very anti-war. One of the interesting things obligation. And those that chose not to deal with I find as I grow older is that I am becoming far more the risk of doing it fulfilled theirs. And I hold no ill liberal. My whole focus on life is different. I may feelings towards anybody that didn’t serve. I really have mentioned this to you that I’ve become very admire guys like you. I know that we had at least spiritual. I meditate every day. Compassion and love one — I don’t know if we had more — that chose jail are central to my being. I’ve come a long way from time as opposed to going. And I mean that takes a the battlefields of Vietnam. lot of guts to do stuff like that. And you have not been back to Vietnam since Did you go to the 25th Class reunion? then, but you’re planning to go now. Is that Yes, but I don’t recall sitting in on the Vietnam correct? discussion. Right. And I want to go now. I have to go now, And we may have discussed this. I don’t remem- because I think I told you, I’ve come down with Lou ber, but one of the things that struck me as peo- Gehrig’s disease. Most likely as a result of my mili- ple went around the room and described their tary service. I probably have a limited/finite time- very, very different experiences from the worst line. What it is I don’t know, but I don’t want to sit to the fighting to ferrying planes from Philippines back and say I’ll go in two, three years and find out to cruising up the rivers in one of the Navy ships that I’m not able to. I think if I go next year I can to those who were medics and those who avoid- probably beat the disease timeline. I want to be ed the draft. Basically people felt no antagonism able to walk and function somewhat normally. But to anyone else. Everyone had to make his choice. I don’t know that to be the case for sure. This is a It wasn’t, as you pointed out before, you weren’t very insidious disease I’m fighting. in control of your life at that point and what That’s for sure. When my wife and I returned to choice they made, that was their choice, and I Vietnam, we did a lot of riding around in cars don’t begrudge you had better or worse; you just and not that much walking. Now I didn’t go — had a different experience. when I went back I did not try to go back to the Yes, you mentioned that. But I don’t recall it. I province I was in for the first six months. I went remember doing the writeup I did in the book for to places like Hanoi, and Saigon, Ho Chi Minh the reunion, but I must have had a conflict because City, Danang, and Hue, and places like that. And I didn’t go to the Vietnam discussion. a lot of time was spent in the car with a guide

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 124 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE I’d just come in out of the boondocks on an in-coun- try R&R while my unit was still getting shelled at night. So here I was in Danang sitting at the China Beach Officer Club bar the first night having a few drinks, having more than a few drinks. While I was sitting there, guys start coming in in civilian clothes and bringing dates with them. The women were Americans, all dressed up and looking beautiful. Something went haywire in my head. This is the kind of stuff that happens when you’re in a war zone like that. You think you are relaxing but the tension Firebase Bastogne is still there. I almost got in a fight with somebody about it. I just couldn’t deal with the juxtaposition of — usually two people, one that drove and one thinking “Here I am sitting in a bar watching who talked about what we’re seeing in the area. a bunch of guys and girls having a date when just a So I suspect if too much walking is hard, you’ll few hours away my mates are all being shelled.” still be able to see an awful lot of Vietnam. I don’t know — did you plan to go back to what used to Yeah, when we get the transcript, I’m going to be I-Corps area? eliminate various things I’ve said, but I’ll say Yes. Actually Warren Cook got me thinking a little this now. That was one of the things that both- differently when I talked to him. I only wanted to ered me so much. The number of civilians who go to I Corps and revisit it, but he did an interesting went to Vietnam to make a lot of money and thing with two buddies he went with in September. have a good time. So as you were saying, some They spent the first week in Hanoi. He talked about people were fighting and dying under very ter- the trip there, and he’s got me thinking now that rible circumstances. My first six, seven months I want to do the same thing. And then maybe the were in the very rural province. That’s different. second week down in the I Corps area running from But then I went to Bien Hoa, the regional capital Danang/China Beach area up through Phu Bai and not far from Saigon. And an awful lot of civilians into Hue. had cars they were driving and nice units in apartment buildings and access to good food and I’m not going over there to bury any goblins. I’m to women and maybe they were escaping bad pretty much at peace with myself and the Viet- marriages, but I saw an awful lot of people were namese. Nancy Smoyer was able to come to terms making good from the war. And I didn’t like it. with the war and the Vietnamese from her tour when she went back in ‘92. I’m sure I will as well. Well I can’t say that these people at that club in China Beach were doing that. It was just the juxta- I want to go see it for a couple of reasons. One is I position. More than likely what they were the mil- want to see it before it fades from my memory. But itary cadre working at Danang and some of them the other is that it is one of the most beautiful may have been doctors; some of them may have places I’ve ever been. The coastline from Danang been Air Force pilots. Some of them — who knows on up to the DMZ is just absolutely stunning. I want what they did, but they were based there, so they’re to see it again. I don’t know how many years I’ve going to do what normal people would do. If there got but that’s one thing I’m definitely going to do. are single women there and single men, they’re I remember thinking at the time, maybe it was going to hook up together. Danang. I can’t quite remember, but you see the In retrospect I can understand that and I hold no ocean on one side and the mountains on the animosity, but at the time I couldn’t digest it. I other side —a little distance on the other side couldn’t deal with it in my head. It was just too and it would be a great tourist area. much juxtaposition — plus I was five sheets to the Yeah. It actually was. Because of me taking over that wind. As a matter of fact, the bartender had to usher Battery at Bastogne while I was in Vietnam, I actu- me out and say, “Lieutenant, I think it’s time for ally never did an out-of-country R&R while I was you to go to bed.” It was probably a damned good over there. I did an in-country R&R at China Beach. thing that he did. That’s was the way my whole year in Vietnam Where is China Beach? unfolded. In so many ways, like the intoxicated China Beach is part of Danang. It’s on the coastal First Lieutenant at the bar at China Beach, my plain near it. It’s beautiful. It was an old French resort Vietnam year was out of control. I’m glad I went, that the US took over. Here is another short story. but it’s good to be home.

CLASS OF 1967 125 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Postscript John, my thanks to you for convincing me to do this retrospective; the compassionate and insight- ful way you asked questions and got me to open up. Things that I thought were long buried came back and took center stage. Thanks as well to John Talbot ’67, several family members, and personal friends for making me feel good about doing this. Nancy Smoyer, Bill Smoyer’s sister, in particular encouraged me, broadened my thinking, edited unforgivingly, and turned out to be a very special friend in this whole process. Nancy is a gem. China Beach, DaNang, Vietnam My good friend, fraternity brother, and Classmate “Almost” — Cai still has “demons” that assault him, Cai (Ken) Sorlien was the one ultimately that made but he is at home and as at much at peace as he can me decide to complete writing my retrospective. We be right now. He is a really good person. reconnected because of this project. He experienced things a hell of a lot worse than I did in Vietnam, David Sides and he almost left part of himself over there. December 2015

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 126 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Essay About Duncan Balfour Sleigh ’67 For a History Class Taught by Professor Jim Wright Annie Oppenheim

Duncan Balfour Sleigh, a second lieutenant in the local supermarket, washing dishes at a restaurant, Marine Corps, was one of nearly 60,000 Americans bussing tables at the yacht club, and delivering TV who lost their lives in Vietnam. So often, veterans Guides to residences across Marblehead by bike. are limited to the titles and statistics by which they Likely influenced by his father, Sleigh developed a can be classified. However, it is not until we look passion for traveling by plane and was said to have beyond the numbers, titles, awards, and battles that loved hotels as much as he did sailing and automo- we can recognize our veterans as unique individu- biles. Sleigh’s industrious nature enabled him to als, with stories that exist and extend far beyond purchase 11 cars from his own earnings before high the confines and boundaries of war. school graduation. Duncan Sleigh, affectionately known as Dunc by Carol Eldridge, a close friend of Sleigh’s throughout family and friends, has a history that begins long junior and senior high school who still lives in Mar- before his enlistment and is too often neglected in blehead today, remembers Sleigh as handsome, ded- the wake of his military accomplishments. Though icated, and very intelligent. She remained close to the heroic nature of his Dunc’s family after his death and acted as a funda- death upheld the high- mental support system for his parents as they grieved. est Marine values, it is in Eldridge recalled that Duncan took all things seri- understanding Sleigh’s ously, working hard to be accepted to Dartmouth to personal history that his carry out his father’s legacy. Duncan was passionate, death becomes exceed- especially about Catholicism, and fiercely political. ingly more tragic. Sleigh’s A lover of JFK, Sleigh repeatedly read and always death left many grieving carried his autographed copy of Profiles in Courage, and thwarted the fulfill- which he received for his honorable mention in ment of what many rec- an essay competition, “If I Were President.” ognized as incredible potential. In high school Sleigh’s drive, focus, and accom- plishments abounded. Sleigh sat on the student Sleigh was born in Boston council during his sophomore year, served as vice- on April 13, 1945, to president his junior year, and became president dur- William and Elizabeth ing his senior year. He was also class president Sleigh of Marblehead, during his junior year and a member of the National Mass. The Sleighs were a Honor Society. family of great prestige in Marblehead; William Marblehead Principal Erold Beach wrote in Sleigh’s Sleigh, a member of the Dartmouth recommendation that Sleigh was a “very Dartmouth Class of 1925, Duncan Sleigh with his capable, industrious student who looks to getting the became a well-known mother most out of everything … . He is one who extends attorney and selectman, leadership in a quiet way.” while Duncan’s mother Elizabeth and elder sister Sleigh graduated 28th out of the 211 students in both attended Smith College. his class and received the American Legion Award The Sleighs took seriously their Irish Catholic faith for Good Citizen prize at graduation. His low stan- in a religious and social sense; both church and dardized test scores and repeated B’s on his transcript family gatherings were a fundamental and frequent were far outweighed by his consistent demonstra- component of their lives. Until junior high, Duncan tion of a strong sense of character, which he car- attended Catholic school at his local church, where ried into his college years. he later became president of the Catholic Youth A member of the class of ’67, Duncan moved into Organization. 206 North Massachusetts Hall upon arriving in However, Sleigh’s interests and involvements in Hanover in September of 1963. Sleigh majored in Marblehead extended far beyond the church. He Latin and was a brother in Phi Kappa Psi fraternity, was a Cub Scout, a talented photographer, and fish- acting as the secretary during his senior year. He erman, and he devoted his afternoons and weekends also chaired Dartmouth Project Mexico (DPM), a throughout junior and senior high to working at the community service program with which Duncan

CLASS OF 1967 127 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE spent the summers of 1965 and 1966. DPM was run through Aquinas House but included Dartmouth students of all religions who traveled to Mexico City to help build foundations for school and com- munity buildings in slums. Carol Eldridge never understood why Duncan repeat- edly chose to leave Marblehead during the summers, but she attributed this decision to his “over the top focus” on both academics and Catholicism. John Talbott ’67, a classmate and fellow veteran of Sleigh’s who knew him vaguely, remarked, “How we ’67s all grew, changed, matured, and evolved from our matriculation in 1963 to the end of our service or graduate schooling. Dartmouth and her students underwent great changes during these years.” To this statement Sleigh was no exception. On an information form Duncan filled out before matricu- lating in 1963, he listed his intended vocation as law or government. However, on the Graduate Informa- Duncan Sleigh with his unit in Vietnam tion Form he filled out four years later, Sleigh noted his plan to open his own restaurant and bar in Vietnam in April 1968 and was assigned for duty Boston after three years of service in in the Marine to Company M, 3rd Battalion, 7th Marines, in the Corps. This form indicates that Sleigh had already 1st Marine Division. been commissioned and planned on entering the Corps in November 1967. What inspired Sleigh’s While these classifications signify Sleigh’s rank with- decision to enlist remains unknown. in the Corps, it is through the letters he wrote his family that Sleigh’s wartime experience is best under- Sleigh spent the five months of 1967 between his stood. Sleigh’s spirit and personality are palpable college graduation and the beginning of his service through the letters written between August 8 and working for his father in Marblehead and traveling. November 1, 1968, which were later compiled into a booklet entitled Letters from Duncan. It’s pretty sad when the so-called leaders August’s letters reflect his growing confidence as a of the free world don’t have Lieutenant and the time he spent getting to know the intestinal fortitude (a Marine term) his platoon. In September he reveals his skepticism to solve our problems. about the war and the futility of the American gov- ernment, writing on September 8, “Neither Nixon Duncan Balfour Sleigh nor Humphrey has said anything constructive about the war … . It’s pretty sad when the so-called lead- Duncan visited many friends and community mem- ers of the free world don’t have the intestinal forti- bers during these months for what would unknow- tude (a Marine term) to solve our problems.” ingly be his last time. Many subsequent letters mentioned that “spirits are Marblehead local Libby Smith Alsberg recounted excellent” and by October, high spirits had become discussing his fervent desire to “have a ride around an invincible mentality, writing, “it’s amazing how Spain and Portugal” before entering the Marines much disregard you have here for dangerous con- and was impressed with his knowledge of the ditions … most people go out and do a better job. Iberian Peninsula. You just never expect to get hit yourself.” Carol Eldridge also saw Duncan during this period He seemed more at peace than ever in his final let- and was surprised by his decision to enlist. She had ter, written on November 1, in which he depicted assumed Dunc wanted to be a lawyer like his father the luxurious break his company was enjoying in and attributed his decision to his tendency always Danang. to pursue the noblest option. Just five days later, Duncan Balfour Sleigh was killed In November 1967 Duncan entered Marine Officer in combat. It was November 6, 1968, in the Quang Candidate School in Quantico, Va. On February 2, Nam province of Vietnam when Sleigh’s company 1968, he received a commission in the US Marine advanced in a sweep operation where it encountered Corps Reserve. Second Lieutenant Sleigh arrived in a large and powerful NVA force.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 128 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Sleigh’s troops immediately sustained multiple causalities, and as his company pressed the attack, the wounded and dead were moved toward the rear, where Second Lieutenant Sleigh directed the establishment of a landing zone. When a rocket propelled grenade landed near a wounded member of Sleigh’s company, Sleigh threw his body over him as a shield. It was the following grenade that landed less than a meter away that killed Sleigh instantly. Because Sleigh’s body absorbed most of the shock, he saved the life of the Marine lying below him and prevented those around him from sustaining further injuries. This act gained Sleigh continued military recognition but terminated his life far too early. While the news of Sleigh’s death was shocking and tragic, his heroic deeds were anything but surpris- ing. There existed a shared sentiment among the Marblehead community that Sleigh would have Memorial to Duncan Sleigh in Marblehead, Mass. died no other way and that this was all too typical of his character. General Kelley, the contemporary Commandant of An article published in The Salem (Mass.) Evening the Marine Corps, spoke at the dedication stating, News accurately characterized this Renaissance boy, “the New Testament tells us, ‘Greater love hath no stating, “A busboy, stockboy, Cub Scout, Little man than this, that a man lay down his life for his League star, avid photographer, fisherman, honor friends.’ roll student, and Vietnam hero, Duncan Sleigh filled “It is especially fitting that the town of Marblehead different roles for different people. But all would commemorate and honor the memory of Second agree that he was a dedicated, selfless citizen.” Lieutenant Duncan B. Sleigh. He was a superb offi- Sleigh was remembered in The Dartmouth on Novem- cer whose bravery demonstrated the love he had for ber 11, 1968, and was declared the sixth Dartmouth his fellow Marines … . His family and friends should student to die in Vietnam. be extremely proud of this fine young American. We, Sleigh’s bravery and heroism in the way he died his brother Marines, are.” did not go uncelebrated. On July 18, 1969, Sleigh’s However, to view Sleigh’s bravery as solely demon- parents, relatives, and friends were joined by an strative of his love for his fellow Marines is far too honor guard from the Marines and Rear Admiral simplistic; his brave act of heroism epitomizes the J.C. Wylie, the commanding officer of the first value system and character instilled in him by his Naval District, on the deck of Old Ironsides in the family, friends, communities, and varied experiences Boston Naval Shipyard. The United States Navy was that color his pre-Marine life. posthumously honoring Second Lieutenant Sleigh Carol Eldridge’s retrospective classification of the by presenting Sleigh’s parents the President’s award entire Vietnam War as “a total horror show” reflects of the Navy Cross, the greatest recognition of valor the general attitude among her generation towards awarded by the Marine Corps and the Navy. Vietnam. While Sleigh’s memory has endured in While it is impressive to be honored and remem- multiple forms, Eldridge could not help but to bered by his country, Duncan Sleigh was far more reflect on “what a waste of life it was for him to be than a highly decorated Lieutenant. Those who killed … . When I think of what he missed out on truly knew Sleigh remembered him for his “bright … he was such a young man … never got married, intelligence and generosity of spirit; a beloved son, never had children, never had a career, and he could a warm and loyal friend.” have brought so much to the world. I realize he did In September 1984, Sleigh was again remembered a very noble thing, but it was such a waste … such and celebrated with the dedication of Duncan Sleigh a waste of life.” Square, which sits directly across from Marblehead Though his death gained him the status of a mili- High’s old campus. The quotation “Greater Love tary hero, Duncan Sleigh’s extraordinary character Hath No Man” appears on the bronze plaque that and seemingly limitless potential were taken from marks Sleigh Square. this world far too soon.

CLASS OF 1967 129 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE No members of the Sleigh family are alive today. His sister Kevin also died young, and his parents passed away in the early ’90s, yet Sleigh’s legacy remains in the Marblehead community. In 2013 the Marblehead High Class of 1963 had their 50th reunion, and Eldridge reported that Sleigh was mentioned and remembered by many of his classmates. The act of telling and sharing one’s personal story distinguishes veterans from individ- uals. While the word veteran connotes respect and service, it also obscures all individuality. In sharing Sleigh’s story with others, those who knew him help both to preserve his legacy and prevent it from becoming obfuscated among the masses of fallen veterans, commemorated only for their ser- vice and never for their personal qualities. Without shedding light on his family, his childhood, his education, or his community, Duncan Sleigh will remain only a 2nd Lieutenant who was award- ed a Navy Cross. While these titles command great Jim Wright placing memorial in Vietnam to Duncan respect, they fail to represent all of Duncan Sleigh. Sleigh in 2014 Bibliography Alsberg, Libby Smith. Foreword of Letters From Tribute to Duncan Sleigh Duncan. Accessed in Rauner Library 10 February 2014. Phil Turner, a Navy Corpsman assigned Beach, Erold. Dartmouth College Teacher Recom- to Duncan Sleigh's platoon, who was mendation written for Duncan Sleigh. Accessed in Rauner Library. 10 February 2014. with Duncan when he died Class of 1967 Notes: Duncan Sleigh. Dartmouth No, I don’t mind talking about my Vietnam expe- Alumni Magazine. November 1984. Print. riences; it was a long time ago, and it’s all pleas- “Duncan Balfour Sleigh: Town Will Pay Tribute to ingly fuzzy now. While there are many faces and a Hero,” The Salem Mass, Evening News, 30 October names that I have forgotten, Duncan Sleigh is not 1984. Print. among them. “Duncan Sleigh Killed in Viet,” The Dartmouth, 11 He was the platoon leader of 2nd Platoon, Mike November 1968. Print. Co., 3/7, in the summer and fall of 1968. I was his Eldridge, Carol. Phone interview. 10 February 2014. senior platoon Corpsman. As you are no doubt aware, as his corpsman I was rarely any more than Letters from Duncan. Accessed in Rauner Library. a few steps away from him whenever we were in the 10 February 2014. bush, which was nearly every day (often all day and McDonald, Alexander. Foreword of Letters From into the night). He, his radioman, his Plt Sgt, and Duncan. Accessed in Rauner Library 10 February 2014. I shared the same hootch or bunker (depending on the hill we operating off of). Sleigh, Duncan. Dartmouth College Graduate Infor- mation Form. Accessed in Rauner Library. 10 Feb- Dunc and I became as close as a Lt and E5 could in ruary 2014. the months we spent serving together. He was truly a nice guy. He was in charge, everybody knew it, Sleigh, Duncan. Dartmouth College Information for but the officer thing didn’t come off him very Dean of Freshmen, Faculty Adviser, and Hanover loudly. I believe it was due to his self-confidence — Churches Form. Accessed in Rauner Library. 10 he never had to flash his gold bars, everyone just February 2014. followed him. Talbott, John. Email correspondence. 11 February He talked a lot about his life in Marblehead, Mass. 2014. He was a happy person, always smiling in spite of US Troops in Vietnam. Handout distributed by Pro- the misery of being a grunt in Nam. fessor Wright. Distributed 6 February 2014. We were in an area nicknamed “Dodge City” off February 2014 Hill 55. Many of us never thought we would make

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 130 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE it out alive, as it was firefights every day — Dunc Helo gunships and fast movers worked the NVA never believed he wouldn’t make it home. He spent over for several hours, giving us time to get the a great deal of time writing letters to those at home wounded out. Then it was time to check and record — every spare second he had. He obviously had the dead. many friends back there. I went back to that first brave Marine who covered In early November of ‘68 we were making contact the litter case we were carrying. His face was cov- with the NVA more often and facing larger groups. ered in mud and unrecognizable. When I checked On the evening of November 5, one of our night his dog tags it read, “Sleigh, Duncan B.” ambushes was on the way to their setup point when I couldn’t believe it: what was the LT doing back they walked into an entrenched group of NVA. with the wounded instead of the few hundred feet Our platoon went out to get the squad out. When forward with the platoon? we made contact with them we spent two or three As near as they were able to ascertain was that as hours in the most intense fighting I had experienced 1st platoon was two-thirds gone they combined it to that point. We finally broke a hole through and with 2nd platoon and the 1st Plt PC (senior to carried out our dead and wounded. When we got Dunc) took charge. Duncan apparently had carried back to the road to Hill 55, we realized they had a wounded back to the aid area and was close to stalked us out. the litter I was carrying when the round came in. We laid on the opposite side of the road and put all The only good thing from this incident is that he we had into the bush on the other side. The AO back never felt a thing. The convulsing was the brain’s on the hill called in a spooky gunship. Luckily one reaction to a foreign object. Such a death was good was close and they laid down heavy fire to cover way to go in those days. Lt. Sleigh died as he had our withdrawal back to 55. lived, caring for others. The following day, battalion ordered our entire It was later made known that there were two battal- reinforced company back out to clean up. It was ions of NVA in that area along with a lot of under- thought that we were facing a company of NVA the ground facilities — including a hospital! night before and a good many of them were no doubt hit by the gunship fire. I corresponded with his parents for a few months, then my tour was over, I went home, and moved As we moved back into the area, with 1st platoon at on with my life. I think by that time we had said point, all hell broke loose. Before we moved up to all we could say to comfort each other. help them out, they had several KIA and a lot wounded. We moved most of the dead and wound- I pretty much moved it all to the back of my mind ed back to a low area surrounded by a cemetery and until I went to went to “the wall” in D.C. with a called for medevacs. Marine Lt Col friend a couple of years after the wall had opened. There, larger than life, was the engraved The first chopper that tried to get in was shot up name of “Duncan B. Sleigh.” He was there among so badly it had to hard-land, tipping on its side all the others who died in that fight, but his name and driving its blades into the mush. The next just reached out and grabbed me. All the years of chopper came in fast with gunship support. When suppressed feelings came out, and I buried my it set down and we stood up to move the litter ghosts on that day. cases to it when RPGs and mortars began to hit all around us. Like you, I’m sure, I rarely think about all this; it was in a different time and a different life. But I We felt more than heard something coming right at appreciate the events and people who cause my us, and the guy to my right dove onto the wound- thoughts to return there. Each time we think of ed Marine to shield him. After picking myself up those who died in Vietnam, we make them just a bit off my butt and clearing my vision (dirt and mud), more immortal. there were guys down everywhere. I’m sorry about the rambling and the detail, but when The closest was the guy who covered the wounded. I recall that day this is what comes out. Thank you He was convulsing, but I didn’t see any wounds. for allowing me to share my memories with one When I turned him over there was a good size who has been there. piece of metal embedded in the back of his head. Seeing this one was a lost cause, I went to working Semper Fi. on others. (Can a long-time-ago Navy corpsman say that?)

CLASS OF 1967 131 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Two Vietnam Experiences Nancy Smoyer

When I talk to people about Vietnam and its impact allowed women to go farther forward than any on me, I always make the distinction that I have two other means, except for journalists. I didn’t care Vietnam experiences — my tour and my younger about the politics of our involvement, and I tried brother Bill’s abbreviated tour. I went to Vietnam as very hard to stay apolitical while I was there. There a Red Cross recreation worker for a year, April 1967– was no way, then or now, that I could say to a vet- 1968. Billy went three months after I got back and eran that all the losses he suffered were for nothing. was killed three weeks later. My tour was mostly Nor could I say the opposite. As one vet said when positive; his was too short, too tragic. he heard someone say “What a waste” while looking People sometimes ask or wonder why I went — what at the names on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, prompted me to do a relatively unusual thing like “My buddy’s life was not a waste.” that. My short answer is, “Because the guys were But I digress. I found the Red Cross, they found me, there and I wanted to do what I could to help.” Short and within three months of getting home from and sweet — and honest besides. But the roots go my travels, I was off again in April 1967 for a year much further back. in Vietnam — which I still refer to as the best year Billy and I were raised in Princeton, N.J., where of my life … and the worst. service in the military was relatively rare. Similarly, our family had a limited history of military service. Our two uncles had been in WWII, but our father worked on the War Board in Washington, D.C., and so wasn’t in the military. Our family had the Life Goes to War photograph album that I used to look at a lot and wonder about war and the Holocaust. Then sometime during my teenage years I read All Quiet on the Western Front, written by a German soldier in WWI. Reading about WWI from the German perspective increased my interest and curiosity about war. Much later I came to realize that this German perspective of war and its effects is universal to all combatants in all wars. I spent my junior year of college in Bordeaux, France, where we used to hang out at the USO, usually dur- ing the day when the guys weren’t there, although we did sometimes date the GIs. Mostly we just enjoyed having a place where we could eat hamburg- ers, smoke American cigarettes, and listen to rock and roll music — a haven in a semi-hostile country. After I graduated from the University of Colorado, I traveled and worked in several countries around the world for 15 months. This was in 1965, and everywhere I went I heard unfavorable comments about the US involvement in Vietnam. The only country that seemed to have a different attitude was Australia. I remember being in a pub where they were having a going-away party for a man on his way to Vietnam. At the time I wondered why he should have to go to fight our battle. After I got back to the States in late 1966, I started investigating ways to go to Vietnam. I looked at Special Services and the USO, but when I heard about the Red Cross program, I knew that was what Bill Smoyer at Marine Corps graduation with his I wanted. This program appealed to me because it sister, Nancy Smoyer

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 132 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE someone else would be along to pick them up. The transition between playing games with Donut Dollies in blue dresses to a possible ambush was surreal. We also visited in hospitals regularly. Whenever we went into a ward, we wouldn’t leave until we had talked individually with every man there. We quick- ly learned that it was easier to talk with them if we looked only at their eyes and nowhere else. The opening questions were usually the same — what unit are you with, where are you from — but this was enough to start a conversation which could lead away from their wounds and the war. Visiting in hospitals was hard, real hard, but also the most rewarding. But the best times of all were when we weren’t “on,” when we could just stop at an LZ or in the hospital or at a stand-down or eating a meal and talk to one or two lonely guys and believe that we had, in fact, made a difference. So that was my tour … but Vietnam wasn’t over for Nancy Smoyer in Vietnam me. Less than a year after I came back from Vietnam, and after Billy had been killed, I rejoined the Red During these years, my younger brother Billy was Cross to do hospital recreation with returning vet- going through his college years, two years behind erans for 15 months as the war wound down. Then me. I remember when I was in college thinking after drifting around, I came to Fairbanks, Alaska, about the war and being relieved that it would be in April 1972, where, unable to find anything sat- over before he graduated. I wasn’t aware that Billy isfying after Vietnam, I spent 20 years doing tem- planned on joining the Marine Corps after gradua- porary secretarial work at the university and a lot tion, perhaps because I was traveling around the of traveling. world. But before I talk about Billy, I need to finish Finally, in 1990 I decided to “do” Vietnam rather my story. than continue trying to stuff it. For the next eight Red Cross recreation workers, nicknamed Donut years, I spent 3–5 months in Washington, D.C., Dollies, were an anomaly. We played games. It was doing various activities related to veterans, including our mission, our job, what we were sent to Vietnam volunteering at the Wall, sorting items left there in to do. We played games in mess halls, on flight the archives, and helping with a program that con- lines, in recreation centers, on Landing Zones (LZ), firebases, along the road — wherever there were GIs. I was off again in April 1967 for a year The games were usually a cross between a TV quiz in Vietnam, which I still refer to as show and a board game. We made them up with the best year of my life … and the worst. themes about sports, cars, the States, travel — and best of all, about women. We’d gather the guys Nancy Smoyer together, divide them into teams, and then pit them against each other, asking the teams questions as nected families who lost someone in Vietnam with they tried to advance from point A to Z. veterans who knew that person. The war was never far away. I remember being on an Then in 1993 I went back to Vietnam with the LZ with the 1st Cav where we were playing games Veterans Vietnam Restoration Project where our and talking to the guys while they waited to be small group helped renovate a clinic in Cu Chi, airlifted out to the bush. Within an hour of their the area where I had been during Tet. My primary departure, before we had left the LZ, we received reason for going back was to get over the feelings word that they had made contact and several had of anger and animosity I had carried for 25 years. been killed. Another time we were doing a quick The anger I felt had been toward the Vietnamese informal program with a unit before they went out people, the Vietnamese government, and the Amer- on a convoy from an LZ. The CO interrupted us, saying ican people and the American government. At Cu it was time to saddle up. As we were still gathering Chi I worked with the men who had literally been our game together, we heard him telling them that dropping mortars on me during those months, but if a vehicle hit a mine to go on around it and keep after working with them and hearing their stories, I on going because it might be an ambush, that gained a compassion and understanding that I hadn’t

CLASS OF 1967 133 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE allowed myself to feel before. That return trip final- assigned to the Marine Corps (as well as the 1st Cav ly turned around my way of thinking about Vietnam and 25th Infantry Division), so I knew something and the Vietnamese people to where thinking about about what he would encounter. I was, of course, them only made me sad, not angry. afraid for him, and I gave him two pieces of advice: Finally, when I was 50 years old, I went back to 1. Don’t be a hero, and 2. Listen to your sergeant. school. I got my Master’s degree in psychology and He was assigned to Kilo 3/7, and three weeks after he worked as a Vet Center counselor for the next 11 arrived, on July 28, he was killed in an ambush in years. For the past 18 years I have organized a yearly which 18 other men also died, including his sergeant. event for veterans called Stand Down, where services He had written to me while I was in Vietnam, saying are offered to help veterans lead productive and in one letter, “I am still looking forward to going healthy lives. I continue to volunteer at the Wall to Vietnam as much as I did before. Perhaps I am every Veterans Day and sometimes in between. suffering from a common feeling that I won’t be the one who gets it, but in any case, I don’t worry * * * * about it at all. Obviously, that’s the only way in Now back to Billy’s story. I don’t remember ever which I’ll be able to do a decent job.” talking to him about his reasons for joining the Marine Corps or wanting to go to Vietnam. How- I have been able to find a few people who knew ever, his classmate and 3-year roommate, Warren Billy during his time in Vietnam. In conversations Cook, has offered some insight. He said that Billy with his corpsman and another officer, I learned wanted to reach beyond the privilege he’d been that even in the short period of time he was there, born into, the schools he attended, the world he his personality and character shone through. grew up in. He viewed the Marine Corps as the When I first met Wes, his corpsman, he literally toughest place to challenge and prove himself, and talked steadily for two, maybe three, hours, barely after the Marine Basic School where he did well, he taking a breath. At one point, he was recounting an knew he could lead successfully anywhere. incident in which he and Billy were sitting about Billy finished his Marine Corps training in June 1968, 100 yards from the squad that was guarding a bridge two months after I got home from Vietnam, and he in the rear. Suddenly there was a loud explosion com- was in Vietnam by July. During my tour I had been ing from vicinity of the bridge. Billy and Wes took off running toward it. At this point, Wes abruptly stopped in his story, looked at me and asked, “Was your brother an athlete?” I barely had time to say yes, before he was going on, saying that Billy quick- ly “left me in the dust.” By the time Wes arrived puffing at the squad, Billy had ascertained that the men had exploded a grenade without prior permis- sion or warning to anyone, even their LT, and he was busy chewing them out. He then turned to walk away with Wes. Wes told me he was sure he was in for a chewing out too for not keeping up, but instead Billy turned to him laughing and said, “What took you so long? You’re supposed to take care of me.” Another story is from a major who happened to watch an incident of a new lieutenant (Billy) meet- ing his platoon for the first time. They were putting him to the test by acting up in the ranks and gen- erally behaving very unmilitarily. The major won- dered why the platoon sergeant wasn’t stepping in to stop it but then realized that the new lieutenant needed to take charge in his own way. As he watched, he saw the lieutenant slowly going down the ranks, talking to each Marine, inspecting the weapons, meanwhile ignoring the ones down the line who were still acting up. His professional and unruf- fled manner served to calm the waters, and the observer came away knowing that this lieutenant Nancy Smoyer at Vietnam Wall in Washington, D.C. was going to do just fine with his platoon.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 134 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE my heart: “I can now see what good you did by seeing the troops in there.” Years later I talked to a Donut Dollie with whom I served who said that she had been in the back room of the recreation center when he came. When she heard he was there, she rushed out to meet him, but sadly he was already gone. In the letters we received after his death, I learned about him during the years he was away, first at Andover and then Dartmouth. I had been looking forward to getting to know him as an adult during the many years we would have in the future. These letters described a person I wish I’d known better then and whom I would miss knowing for the rest of my life. As one college friend said, “Bill did not permit his excellence and his promise to overcome personal warmth. Seemingly unaffected by his excellence and promise, Bill opened himself to those without any near combination of his qualities. Bill was a warm person, a person who didn’t try to make others over in his own image, but rather a person who accepted people for what they were, and liked them for it. Almost unconsciously, Bill made friends with faculty members and students, with Mid-west- erners and Easterners, with athletes and non-athletes, Bill Smoyer, Aegis photo with failing students and Rhodes scholars, with handsome people and homely people, with broad- minded people and narrow-minded people … . In We have only three letters that he wrote from times of achievement he was humble in bestowing Vietnam, one of which was to Ted Harrison, his his greatness upon his friends. In times of failure Andover hockey coach. A few days after arriving in or sorrow, he strived for the better … .” Vietnam, he described the situation which he said was basically that “Charlie” (the NVA) owns the Mr. Williams, a soccer referee at college, wrote, “I night, we own the day. Then he says, “right now have never seen anyone who embodied my ideas of I make it look pretty bleak because that’s the way it the perfect athlete and gentleman more than did seems. If, after three years, we’ve got nothing better Billy. I will never forget his greeting to me before than this going on 15 miles from a city of the size every game, words to the effect that it’s good to see of Danang, we must not have very fully convinced you again, Mr. Williams. I’ll never forget those rare the people of our rightness or even righteousness.” times when Bill felt I missed a call and would qui- And then his positive nature returns, saying, “Don’t etly say, ‘Ref, I think you missed it’ in such a way get me wrong. I’m not discouraged, I’m just amazed.” that you knew he had to believe it was a bad call and not an excuse for himself or his teammates. Also, In an earlier letter written while he was at Dartmouth I’ll treasure those moments after a game, regardless and I was in Vietnam, he had questioned my role of whether Dartmouth won or lost, when he’d there, assuming the men wouldn’t want to see come up, shake my hand, and say, ‘Great game, American women during a war. During boot camp, Mr. Williams,’ and would ask me what games I had after talking with men who had returned from coming up.” Vietnam, he revised his opinion, saying, “I find that my original doubts about soldiers wanting to see A touching comment came from the custodian of girls while in combat are completely wrong. I’m sure his freshman dorm at Dartmouth, who said, “I found that you must be very proud of what you are doing him to be one of the finest boys and one that was and that you do a lot of good.” well worthwhile knowing, and both my wife and I will always be glad we knew him. Even after I retired Then in a letter written from Vietnam, he tells me he took time to visit me now and then.” that he went to the recreation center in Danang where I had been stationed and talked to a Red Cross Another college friend, two years younger, wrote, girl there who had heard of me, although she did- “I remember the time he would take to help me n’t know me. He then says something that warms and others in soccer, hockey, and rugby. He went

CLASS OF 1967 135 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Jim Wright burying hockey puck in Vietnam in honor of Bill Smoyer

I don’t like to tell people that my brother was killed in Vietnam, and I rarely do. At times when I do, I can see them thinking, “Oh, now I under- stand why Nancy’s so hung up on Vietnam,” as if his death explains it all away. I see my experience and his as almost completely separate and very dif- ferent. I had gone and come back before he went over. I have many good memories of my tour and a special bond I feel with Vietnam veterans. I feel Bill Smoyer, hockey star. Painting is in the Smoyer almost total sadness about his experience. I some- Lounge in the Thompson Arena. times tell veterans about him, usually for a specific reason as it pertains to a conversation or situation, out of his way to coach and encourage underclass- but I don’t like to because it only adds to their men. He was also the type of guy who you had to already too-heavy burden. stand in awe of until you met him. For all his capabilities and campus status, there was no one When someone dies, you are no longer able to more humble or more outgoing. Everyone who make memories of that person. Since I can’t make knew Bill loved him.” new memories with Billy, talking with people who knew him helps by sharing stories and memories, Whitey Burnham, his soccer coach, vouched for as well as the loss. Renewed contact with his class, this, saying in a letter he wrote me in 1990 that in part as a result of the privilege of being adopted “the young men … looked to Billy for leadership into it, has added to that store of memories. … . He had charisma. He was believable. He was inspirational. He made you want to be part of Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him … whatever it was he was doing.” and miss him. * * * * July 2014

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 136 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Interview with Cai Sorlien Interview conducted by John Isaacs

Why don’t we start in and why don’t you first hockey. Dave Sides ’67 and I were both from tell me a little bit about where you were brought Montreal. We both were members of the same fra- up and before Dartmouth. Life before Dartmouth, ternity, Gamma Delta Chi, and we both played if there was life before Dartmouth. hockey together at the same time. So Dave and I had Definitely, yeah. I was brought up in Quebec, on a lot of common. the island of Montreal. Dave Sides ’67 and I are And you stayed in touch with him, I gather? both from the island of Montreal. I was born in the United States, but my father was part of an American No, I didn’t really stay in touch with him. But he corporation that started an operation up in Canada. contacted me a year ago, when I was in Hawaii. I got So, I was really raised in Canada and came to a phone message from him. I had cut all my ties Dartmouth directly from Canada. And so, that was after the war. I had to — I was really messed up. And my roots. I didn’t grow up in the United States. so, I just cut all my ties in order to go deeply with- in. For me, there was no coming home. The war Did you have a number of siblings? really messed me over. So, I did not stay in touch Yeah, I have a younger brother who also went to with Dave or virtually anyone, including my own Dartmouth four years after I did. And a younger sis- blood family. That’s why I live in California. I need- ter who’s five years younger. And my father had gone ed space to figure out how the hell I got myself to Dartmouth also. So, it’s kind of a tradition, fam- into something so destructive and deadly and sick. ily tradition, for the males to go to Dartmouth. In And it just — I had to really go into my own shad- those days, as you know, it was not coed. ow, deeply, deeply into my own personal shadow and all the programming that set that up. And I do know very well indeed. that was not going to happen going back into the same matrix that took me there. Yeah. And I assume that also meant Dartmouth I was going to ask you how you came to choose College, you cut ties to that. You haven’t — have Dartmouth, but I think I understand. you been back at all? Yeah, there was really no question about it. Both of No, I haven’t stayed in touch with Dartmouth at my father’s brothers, my uncles, went to Harvard. all. They used to send me the alumni magazine. And there was just kind of a family expectation, But then there was a huge controversy over chang- legacy that I didn’t ever question until after the war. ing the Board of Directors. I can’t remember how My father was also a Dartmouth grad, so I was long ago that was. Changing it from sort of a demo- also a legacy. cratic organization where 51% of the board of direc- tors were alumni, into making it sort of an autocratic I think that was pretty common. I don’t know if it organization. I wasn’t really involved in that fight. still is. But I think that was a pretty common thing But when I heard what had happened, it’s like, oh to just kind of pass on the expectation. And I was- man, that’s the last straw. I know too well what n’t enough of my own person to question it at all. autocratic hierarchical organizations are about. It’s I was just doing what was expected of me, which mostly heartless, and heady and death and money- is how I ended up going off to war. oriented, and I’m done. I don’t want anything to We’ll get into that. Did you have any idea at that do with outfits like that. point, when you went to — applied and got into We’re getting ahead of ourselves, but did you Dartmouth what area, what field you wanted to reconnect with the family as well, eventually? study? What you wanted to do eventually in life? Anything like that? Or it was still very early? Yeah, I tried to. When I came back to “the world,” I was pretty wounded and messed up. The Army No, I had no clue. All I really loved to do was play cut me loose in Oakland, California, and I was hockey. And I had grown up in Quebec playing hock- extremely sick. And so, I just hung out on the west ey almost every day. And for me, as long as I could coast. San Francisco, the Bay Area was way too cold. play hockey, I would do anything else. So, I got real- I couldn’t stand the cold. I had malaria, and my ly good grades in school because that was the con- whole being, my soul, was just really, really sick. dition. As long as my grades were good and I did So, I hitchhiked down to L.A., and stayed there as well in school, there was no restriction on playing long as I had some money left from the Army pay.

CLASS OF 1967 137 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE And I hung out there as long as I could. I rented a out later, were desperate for bodies. And so, they cheap motel room on the Sunset Strip and then didn’t kick me out of ROTC because they needed eventually got a “drive-away” car. I don’t know if lieutenants. They just needed bodies. And so, I was you know what those were. probably one of the worst ROTC candidates on the campus, but they put up with my not very coop- No. erative ways. You drive someone else’s car from one destination to another through an agency. I used to use them You were in all four years at Dartmouth then? in college — that’s how we’d go from Hanover down Yeah, I was. to Florida. Usually get a “drive-away” car and then just pay for the gas. That’s how we spent spring vaca- My father convinced — just quickly, my father tions; we’d go down to Florida and the Bahamas convinced me to join ROTC. And I had no idea for a couple of weeks. So anyway, I got a “drive- why, maybe the same reasoning. I stayed one away” car in Los Angeles, and I was almost out of semester and then I left. money and headed back east. I was pretty wounded You dropped out of it? physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I dropped out, yeah. But you did see your family again? Yeah, well then we probably did cross paths. I did see my family, yeah, months after I got home. And they were happy to know I was alive. I had cut Could well have. all contact with them. At least, initially.

In Vietnam too? You cut all contact when you Sorry, were you going to say something else about were there? ROTC? Or you just assumed you go into the mil- Yeah, I did. My mother sent letters and would send itary right after college? care packages, but the things that happened, a lot To tell you the truth, I didn’t even think about it. of things I did and didn’t do were very shameful. I wasn’t aware very much of a war going on. I was I had become kind of an animal more than a involved with just doing college and playing hock- human being in order to survive, to do what we ey and hanging out at the fraternity house I was had to do. And that means I also cut off contacts part of. So, I really did not pay very much atten- with “the world.” tion at all. I was really naïve and sort of oblivious to the whole thing. “This is what you do. This is Let me go back in time. You got to Dartmouth, what’s expected.” And I really didn’t question it at what did you major in? that stage of my life. Psychology. And did you — and going to our last year, ’66– And did you have any feelings about the ’67, did you become more aware of the war at Vietnam War? Were you part of ROTC or any- that point? thing like that? No, not really. Yeah, I was in ROTC. Here is a little rub that I really resented my father for. My father drove me from where we lived in Canada down to Dartmouth before my freshman year, and I went on that Mount Moosilauke trip because I love being outdoors. And on the way down he said, “You’re eligible for the draft because you were born in America. You are going to be drafted into the service and will have to serve, so why don’t you sign up for ROTC and it will provide some monthly pay.” They paid like $40 a month, “And that will help pay your tuition for school.” Because tuition was only like $2,000 a year in those days. So, I really didn’t know I had any choice, to tell you the truth. The way my father phrased it, that’s what you got to do. I was so extremely naïve. I had no clue there was any choice. So yeah, I signed up for ROTC. I was not a very good ROTC participant. But the Army, I found Cai Sorlien

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 138 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE No? “you guys — you’re all going off to Vietnam. So I was still just living that kind of idyllic, carefree pay attention, and here’s what you need to learn college life. And I know there was lots of stuff in in order to get ready to do that.” So then I started the media, but I’m not much of a media person. paying attention. All the DI’s, the drill instructors, I still don’t have a TV. I listen to the radio in my were making that obviously, very, very clear. truck, but that’s about it. I’ve never been too much Did you feel the training actually did prepare of a media person. It’s part of my naiveté, I suppose. you for the — for combat? If you remember, our senior year, Great Issues No, no, not very well. I mean I became proficient courses with a variety of lectures. I don’t remem- at using an M14, but we never used M14s in com- ber exactly what there was about Vietnam, but bat. The mentality of not feeling, of being more of I believe another classmate remembers, Roger an animal than a human being, that was an inte- Hilsman, who’s with the State Department, came gral part of boot camp and advanced training. So and talked about the war. that part was conveyed. But in terms of the actual Gosh, I have no recollection of that. But then, there skills with the weapons and tactics that we used, are a number of things I realize I do not remember the training was pretty meager. I was kind of from before my time in the war. It’s kind of a bit of shocked when combat first started — ain’t nothing an amnesia, I think. Anyway, it could well be, but like the training. I don’t have any recollection of that. In Vietnam, it was M16s? When you graduated, did you go immediately Because I was a lieutenant, I could use anything I into the Army? wanted. I had an M1, I had an M16. I had an M79 Yes, I had one week between the time I graduated that was my favorite weapon, it was a grenade and then was off to boot camp. In ROTC, I was launcher, and it was very effective. And then, I also supposed to do boot camp the summer between had a 45 caliber pistol, and a shotgun for close quar- ters at night, stuff like that. We could get anything we wanted there. We just “scrounged” — what we We just became animals. We didn't feel. call “scrounge” — for it, trade food usually, or other We couldn't afford to feel. If somebody things, to get any weapon we wanted. I had an AK expressed feelings, it's like, what's wrong and a chicom [Chinese Communist] carbine that we took after one combat mission. The AK was with you, man? You're totally shunned. very effective, it didn’t jam. The M16 was a piece Cai Sorlien of shit, because it would often jam with a full clip of 20 rounds. my junior and senior year, but I had a grant from Yeah. the National Science Foundation to do research in the psychology department. And because I had that Anyway, you probably know all that. grant to do research, I was given a waiver, so I did- Well, the basic combat training I had, because n’t have to do boot camp training during that remember, I was part of the pacification pro- summer vacation. Like I said, I was not much of an gram. They sent us one day, I think it was to Fort ROTC student. So, one week after — within seven Benning. And so, we fired a bunch of weapons, days after I graduated from Dartmouth — I was off including a grenade launcher. But one day of to Fort Devens to do boot camp. And then all the training, as you know, is not much of anything. various other trainings that they asked of us. I just And the only weapon I really had in Vietnam did it because it was no problem. It wasn’t diffi- was grenades, just in case. But I was always cult. The same with Dartmouth, it wasn’t difficult. afraid more that I would hurt or kill myself than I just did what was expected. someone else. And did you expect at that time, that you Yup, that’s probably a good place to start all right, would be sent to Vietnam? Or was that clear or until you’ve used them a few times. not clear? Right. So, it’s boot camp training was six months They started conditioning us for that in boot camp. or so? They started saying, you guys are in combat arms branches. You are going off to combat, that is what’s Gosh, a couple of months, maybe three months or going to happen. Before that, I didn’t even think something like that, Ford Devens. And then Fort about it. But that was the whole tenor of boot Gordon down in Georgia. I ended up being a signal camp, advanced training, everything they did was, officer. There’s five combat arms: infantry, armor,

CLASS OF 1967 139 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE And it was a place that got attacked quite fre- quently then? Or were you called upon to go out to various places where there was other combat or threats? Or how did that work? Yeah, both of those. We’d get mortared at night. And sometimes random sniper fire at night. Not much in the daytime. It’s like, when I got there, it was explained to me by my sergeant, who was a guy from Hawaii, a guy named Silva. And he said, “This is like cowboys and Indians. The daytime, we run the show. At night, Charlie [the Viet Cong] can do whatever he wants, and does.” So, most of the stuff that we put up with was mortars — getting Huey Helicopter mortars and sniper fire and random attacks on our perimeter at night. And then in the daytime, we artillery, signal, and engineers. And so, the signal could fly, go all over the place. And we did. We’d training was down at Fort Gordon, Georgia. And land missions, go on various sweeps. But, that was I was stationed down there for — I guess a couple of in the daytime. At night, we’d all be holed back up months until December of 1967. at the base. To tell you the truth, I didn’t put up with that for very long. Signal Corps meant you were communications, you were the guy on the radio? You didn’t put up with what for very long? I was supposed to be knowledgeable about all the Just being a sitting duck. Just being there, sitting there communications equipment on land and in the air. at night, waiting for somebody to lob mortars in. All the communications equipment on all the heli- copters. That’s what they were really preparing us What did you do in response? If you didn’t put for. Because I ended up being in the Air Cav. The up with it, what did you do then? preparation was pretty shitty, I thought. But we I went with a group of guys out through the con- didn’t know what unit we were going to be in and certina and we started setting up ambushes at night. therefore where we were going to be and what we’d What we called night interdiction patrols. It was be doing really, until we got in country. basically, trying to take back the night, control of the night in that part of the countryside, from And where were you sent in country? Charlie. It was all done very low key, just small Basically, I was down in the Mekong Delta, on a groups. Usually there would be six or eight guys. little base about halfway between the South China And there was actually a guy, a “dai-oui” (an Sea and Cambodia on the Mekong River, in a little American captain), who would come out most town called Vinh Long. And that was the base that times. He was a bit of a psychopath, he loved to I spent most of my time on. It was a helicopter cut bodies after we’d kill them. Cut souvenirs off base. It was basically a detachment from the Air dead VC bodies. Cav. And we had H-model Hueys and LOH’s (Light Observation Helicopters) and some cobras and some Yuck. apache gunships. It was all rotary wing, no fixed- Well that’s — hey — that’s the reality of what was wing stationed there. going on. And that’s one of the things I was ashamed I didn’t stop it. Ashamed I was part of And this is a separate base. Was there an ARVN that. Like I said, all of us became more animals South Vietnamese unit there as well? than human after a while. No, No ARVN’s around at all. It was just Americans. It was a small helicopter base. We were just there On the question, who owns the day and the on our own, a small group of Americans. I don’t night, I think that was common throughout the think that — there was never, from my recollection country. Where I was, it was pretty quiet, and of being there, an officer over the rank of captain during the day, we could go anywhere, but if we who spent the night there. The field grade officers were in town, we got back to our camp at night would come down in the daytime. The majors and because it just wasn’t safe. And if you look at all lieutenant colonels would fly down in the daytime, the measurements that Robert McNamara and and then as soon as it was starting to get dark, they others did in the Vietnam War, they measured were out of there. They did not want to be there at things during the day, but not necessarily at night. night. It was not exactly a comfortable little place. Yeah.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 140 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE So you were involved in some very heavy combat? Were you Medevaced out for a while? It wasn’t steady day after day, but it was, when it No, we just hauled ourselves back to the base at happened, it was pretty nasty. It was just the way night. We were pretty much on our own. This was things were in the Delta. We’d do sweeps, some- a really isolated place. And like I say, the more times in the daytime, we’d do sweeps through senior officers didn’t want to be there and work areas with ARVN units or mostly with ruff-puff units there and didn’t show up even very often in the (regional forces and popular forces). And I got the daytime. I don’t know what they were doing. feeling, after a while, that these guys would do I didn’t care. sweeps through areas where they knew there was To tell you the truth, I was really glad to be away no VC. They knew there was nothing going on. from those senior officers. To me, they were a lia- They were doing everything they could to avoid bility. They’d want us to do shit that they wouldn’t getting fucked up. do themselves. But they’d send the lieutenants to So, it took me a while to kind of tune in to that. So, do it. And it’s like, I got kind of an attitude about it was like, there’s nothing happening in the day- that whole thing. I started to feel like my worst time like that. So, that’s why Charlie could go wher- enemy was the lieutenant colonel who ran our ever he wanted at night and do whatever — and he battalion. He was a piece of shit. He was drunk knew the area, he knew the terrain. He knew where most of the time. And the rumor was, he’d be off he could hide, and he knew where he could stash looking for and hanging out with Vietnamese things. It was like if you live on a piece of land, whores as much as he could. That was his MO. He you know it intimately. And so, that was Charlie’s was a helicopter pilot; he could give a shit about ground, he knew it well. He was really, really good his men. So, I was glad, really, really happy that he at it. Really good at hiding out and good at moving wasn’t around very much, because he was a pain undercover with small groups. in the ass. And he and I did not get along anyway. So, I remember the first time we had a successful So, I was glad to be away from him. night ambush. There were six people we killed, and Was headquarters still giving a lot of orders to one had the tube, and one had the plate, and a go out and look for the enemy? In other words, couple of them were carrying mortar rounds. And did they leave you alone, but still gave you a lot the other two were carrying AKs, and that’s all of orders? there was. They were just going out to set up the mortar tube to lob mortars in on us. And they Yeah, they’d give us orders. Like I say, we’d go with were just small units, real small units. So, in some ruff-puff units and our main function was to be ways, that became a fair fight, because we were able to call in the gunships and advise maneuvers, just taking a small group of people out. And so, but we didn’t have a whole lot that happened that was the fairest of all. In the daytime, we had in the daytime. Mostly it happened at night, and all this air power and artillery and blah, blah, blah, that was on our own initiatives, a lot of that stuff. all that crap. And so, that was not exactly what you The senior officers didn’t know, and they didn’t call a fair fight. need to know. It’s like, the attitude that most of us had was, fuck them, man, they don’t want to have And you lost, I presume, a fair number of com- anything to do with us, we don’t want to have any- rades in the fighting in day and night? thing to do with them, forget it. Just what happens, Yeah, there were guys who were Medivaced out. happens. And we’ll keep it to ourselves. Things That’s just the way it is. That’s what happened, worked at that level. that’s all. When you get the senior officers involved, they want to fuck with you. They don’t know what’s And did you get wounded and sick as well? going on. They don’t live there, they’re not in it. Yeah, I eventually got malaria. And then I got hit These guys were all lifers, the senior officers were by an AK in the head and in the foot. I was actual- lifers. All they wanted was something to advance ly pretty lucky because I just basically got a con- their careers. And it’s like, we were throwaways, cussion out of it, and my left toe is missing some that’s the truth of it. Who we were in their terms, bone, but other than that, I was pretty damn lucky. we were all expendables and throwaways. Yeah, that’s all. It was sort of minor in a way. When And I didn’t find this out till many, many years it hit my head, it just kind of grazed my skull. It later, but maybe you knew about this. But the aver- didn’t penetrate. age lifespan of a lieutenant in the war, once you hit the ground, once you hit a hot LZ (landing zone) I guess you were very lucky on that one. was 16 minutes. Yeah, right.

CLASS OF 1967 141 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Wow. And you survived a year there? again. But I started to really train hard, stay in real- Yeah, well, thank God I had a sergeant who was ly, really top health and be really careful about my really smart, who was really sharp and knew a lot of diet and really stay in good shape. And that kind of shit, and I had a very lucky dragon by my side. built up my immune system, I guess, I don’t know, I was just doing what I felt was a way to deal with How many people were there in your unit there? it — balance out all the demons in my body and my mind. And so I don’t get malaria attacks real bad I had 23 men in my detachment. I had a detach- anymore. But I still maintain the same discipline. ment, it wasn’t a full platoon, it was just a detachment I still work out real hard and dance and drum all connected to a battalion. It was just an isolated lit- the time, constantly. That’s one of the reasons I’m tle unit. And so, my responsibility was for those 23 going to go off to Hawaii. We do a big dance and guys, and the base. drum conference there that I started 20 years ago. But was the battalion also stationed at the same And that still happens. That’s one of my medicines base? is to do an African dance and African drumming. No, the detachment was the only element of that But basically, you’re saying, the kinds of things battalion on that base. you did right after the war in terms of exercise and keeping healthy, and the kinds of things You had 23 people or so? you did to keep you at an even keel, including I had 23 men there, yeah. The battalion headquar- dancing and music, the kinds of things you did ters was up near Saigon. That’s why they would only then, you still are doing? come down once in a while, come down in the day- I still do all of that stuff, religiously. I mean, right time, and then they’d take off before it got dark. after the war, like most of all the rest of us, I did Just to sit there in the base, and not go on sweeps, every drug that was available to try to numb the not do the things that would be dangerous? pain. And I tried a little bit of anything and every- thing. I didn’t give a shit whether I lived or died. You know, they didn’t give us orders not to do any- Just temporarily numb the pain. thing. So that’s why, we just did what we felt we needed to do in order to make it work for us. So, it was loose. There was a lot of looseness. I mean, that is part of war. Not only was it face-to-face combat, but it also wasn’t tightly controlled, might be anoth- er way to put it. At least where we were, because we were down in a remote place. I mean, if you kept going up the Mekong River, it was just a few klicks [kilometers] up there until you get to Cambodia, and that was no man’s land. But where we were too, in the night, was definitely no man’s land.

And so this is how you served in country? Yeah, I did. And it was like, the Army asked, don’t you want to re-up? Don’t you want to do more?

By then, you did not want to. Oh no, I got the fuck out of there as quick as I could, as soon as I did my 365. I was really sick. I had malaria, which really lays you waste. I was done. I was emotionally drained, physically weak, spiritu- ally hollow. I was amongst the dead and dying.

And you still have some malaria, I think you indicated? Yeah, I still, once in a while, get it. I used to get it really bad. I mean, I used to be down for a week or more at a time, shaking and shivering and halluci- nating, with the hot and cold sweats. It was really painful. And every six months, it would come back Cai Sorlien

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 142 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE In Vietnam? Or after Vietnam? Or both? everybody that I had been there with. I didn’t Mostly in Vietnam, we’d smoke marijuana, and maintain any ties or contacts at all. His name was there would be some opium, rougher forms of it, Bob Henson, and I’m assuming he ended up stay- that we’d put in with the marijuana to smoke. ing and probably got purged. Or maybe — I don’t Sometimes when we’re on a perimeter at night, it know — he was really resourceful guy. If we ever gets really fucking boring and we’d do that for enter- needed anything, he got it. He’d trade, he was a tainment. I didn’t smoke marijuana at Dartmouth at cook. He traded cases of steaks for anything, any- all when I was there. I’m sure it was probably thing you ever wanted, just let him know, and he’d around, but I was busy playing hockey and doing get it. He was really our savior, our lifeline. He had college stuff. I was staying in training. But in the connections to all the other sergeants, to all the war, everything shifted, a lot. other non-coms who were really were the ones who ran the show. Anything you wanted to get, he had When you were in Vietnam, when did you stop ways of getting it, and any connections you want- believing in what you were doing? I’m assum- ed, he’d set it up. Like I say, he ended up being my ing you started out believing in the war? best friend. We did everything we could together. He was a really decent guy Yeah, probably a couple months into it. I was the green lieutenant, and the guys that I was stationed So after — with, and in charge of, they were pretty cynical. Like Silva had been there a long time. And it turns out, That was one of the ways I ended up surviving. He my best friend, the guy that I got closest to there, would clue me in. He cared a lot. He and Silva, the was an E6, a staff sergeant, who had been in Vietnam other sergeant that I had assigned to my detachment. since 1963. He came over with the 173rd Airborne. The two of them really clued me in, so to go back He was a really good man. He was a moonshiner to that other question. Probably a couple months out of the hills of North Carolina. And got caught after I got there, they put me in touch with the running a hearse full of moonshine from North reality of what was really going on. And it was Carolina down to Fort Benning. The judge gave him like, fuck it man, we’re on our own. We’re fucking a choice: go to prison or go to Vietnam. throwaways and nobody gives a shit about us. Our fathers threw us away — the World War II genera- He was there more than a decade, a decade and tion threw their sons away. So, we’re going to have a half, sounds like? to do what it takes for us to survive. And fuck the rules, fuck those guys. That’s why the lieutenant Yeah, I don’t think he ever came home. I lost touch colonel and I did not get along. Because he knew with him when I left. But he had a Vietnamese wife that was my attitude, that I had picked up the atti- up in Cholon, and two kids with her. He didn’t have tude that the non-coms had. And he just hated my anybody back in the States. He didn’t have anybody ass, and I hated his ass. And we had as little as pos- to go home to. He was a pretty lonely guy, but he sible to do with each other. And that worked just and I got real close. In some ways, he was my link great for me. I loved the fact that he didn’t want to to my own humanity. He had been there a long come around, because I didn’t want him around. time, and he knew the scene, he knew the whole Even when he did come around, I would do any- area. He had a bad leg, he had been shot in the thing I could to not be on that base. Because he leg. So he was kind of gimped up. He ended up would never come out in the field, never. He’d just being a cook because he just wanted to stay. He land on the base, harass the shit out of us and then didn’t want to come back. He just wanted to stay leave. So, if I knew he was coming, I’d do what there, because that was the best thing he had going I could to get my ass out of there. for him. I met his wife and his kids up in Cholon, we went up to Saigon one time. And yeah, she’s a In retrospect, how do you feel about the war? very lovely woman. Very lovely in many ways. And the kids were really cute — really, really sweet Well, at this point in my life, I am who I am little kids. because I endured that and went through that. And everything that I’ve done since then, a lot of You lost track. You don’t know if he’s still there, Congolese dancing and drumming, and a lot of Men’s or came back from Vietnam when the U.S. exited Circle work down in Folsom Prison has served me in 1975? well. And I wouldn’t have done any of that if I had- n’t have had to endure the war. That is, the life that I’m assuming he stayed there. He didn’t want to I have built since then, and includes this place, I live come back to the “world.” He didn’t have any rea- in a really isolated remote place here in the foothills son to come home. When I left, I was really fucked of the Sierras with a lot of property. There are 350 up, and I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye acres here, and it’s been my safe and healthy sanc- to him. And I just totally lost touch with him and tuary for 40 years.

CLASS OF 1967 143 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Back to when you got demobilized in Oakland. of the motel. I was living off of oatmeal and milk. Did the Army or the Veteran’s Administration I didn’t have a whole lot of money for food. in any way try to prepare you for civilian life or ease your adjustment from military to civilian. When did you move to the property you’re on now? [Laughter] That came a few years later. This property here had I think that answers that question. been in my family since 1908, but nobody in my I know you know the answer to that, John. family had ever been interested in it or ever lived on it. It was a played-out gold mine — a throwaway I do, but I thought I should ask it. property. All my family was back in the east coast, doing their lives. And the World War II generation, No man, they didn’t do shit. They did absolutely which was my father and my uncles, none of the nothing. We landed in Oakland, I was a sick dog, guys in my family had ever been in combat. I had and they just cut us loose. I stayed at a BOQ down one uncle, Parker, who had been in the Fourth there in Oakland for about five days because I could- Marines, trained on Maui and hit the beach on n’t move. I was just so fucking sick with malaria, Iwo Jima a couple of days after the first wave. And I couldn’t move. I was just holed up there with no he never ever talked about it. food, no nothing. Nobody was there to attend. I just laid there for five days in misery and begged to die. Do you talk about the war? I was so messed up. I was in so much pain. But my body was young, I was still like 24 years old. And No. People here can’t hold it. Well, I take that back. my body’s like, no problem, we’ll do this. And then The guys from the Congo and the Men’s Circle in after that five or six days, whatever it was, I didn’t Folsom Prison can hold it. keep track. I had no idea what was going on. After- How do you help the prisoners? wards, I went over to the Veteran’s Administration Hospital, hitchhiked over to the Veteran’s VA Hos- We do what’s called a Men’s Group there every week. pital in San Francisco. And they laughed at me. They It is a long story. About 12 years ago, 2003, I was said, fuck. man, you can walk. You don’t need any invited into the prison by a guy who I had made help. You may be fucked up on the inside, but if acquaintance with through teaching dance to men. you can walk, you’re good. They were overwhelmed, He had done two terms in Folsom himself for armed they were totally overwhelmed. And so, it was like, robbery and had gotten out. And he is a powerful, that’s it. Once again, we’re throwaways, we’re just caring, gritty, wounded man. I have a lot of feeling fucking throwaways! So, that’s when I ended up about this, so I may not be speaking real fluently, hitching down to LA with what little money I had, Don’t worry. Just — I’m patient, you’re patient. because I couldn’t stand the cold. This was in July in San Francisco, and it’s cold there, at least it felt All right, thanks John, thank you, brother. I appre- that way to me. So, I just hitchhiked down to LA ciate that. So we do what’s called a Men’s Support where it was definitely hotter. Group, in the prison. And the Men’s Group got started by a convict who was serving life. He was And when did you, if there’s a way to say, recov- from Canada, from Nova Scotia, a guy named Pat er enough that you regained your will to live and Nolan, a big tall white guy, who was on B yard in you started pointing in a post-war direction? Folsom Prison. I think it was 1997, and there was You mean in terms of time? a big riot on B yard at the prison. Blacks against whites against Hispanics, and that happens out here Yeah. in the prisons pretty often. The yards in the prison It was probably, let’s see, probably another couple are really dominated by the gangs, and it’s pretty of months down in LA before my money ran out, racial. And Pat was a big guy, and so, he was able and I could feel my life force returning — my eros. to hold his own. But at one point during that riot, Because this is going back a long ways, nothing a Hispanic kid who had been stabbed a bunch of I have thought much about. But, I probably spent times came up to Pat and looked him straight in the — it was probably until September down there, eye and then died right in front of him. I guess. And then, I ran low on money. And I knew Ouch. from what had happened up in Oakland and in San Francisco that I was on my own, just like we And that affected Pat a lot. He said to himself (and were treated in Vietnam. It’s like, fuck man, you’re this story got passed down to all of us), “What the just a number. You’re nothing. And so, I just hung fuck are we doing? Here we are killing each other, on there with what little cash I had in a motel on we’re all in prison, we’re all serving life.” (Folsom the Sunset Strip. I don’t even remember the name is a level four prison, maximum security prison.)

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 144 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE And he said, “What the hell are we doing to each went back, never other? Why are we killing each other? We’re not did any of that really each other’s enemies. If anybody’s our enemy stuff ever again. in here, it’s the guards, it’s the system, so what are My life took a we doing killing each other?” He was a poet, he totally different was writing powerful poetry. And he had this idea turn. I mean, my to get guys from each of the races together in the life after the war is chapel and talk the stuff out instead of act it out. 100% different And he went and talked to the Catholic Chaplain, than before the a guy named Dennis Marino, and Dennis was pretty war. I have never damn innovative. And he said, “Yeah, come on. I’ll gone back to play- set up the chapel for you. I’ll make it happen. If ing hockey. I have you can pull some guys together, we’ll do a men’s never played support group. And it won’t have any denomina- hockey since then. tion, it won’t have any racial trips to it.” And that’s That was a bit of how the work that we still do, got started. a setup. All the stuff I’d done in In some ways, the prison sounds like the Army. school, with my It’s up to the group there to deal with the things family, that whole themselves, and anybody outside, whether it’s matrix that I car- the guards or the higher ranked officials, are ried into the war, kind of the enemy. is what got me Yeah, very perceptive. Good things often start like there. And it was that. And I trust that kind of beginning. We’re like, this is really under the umbrella of the Catholic Church, and the fucked up. This is Catholic Church has a strong mission to serve men really fucked up!! in prison. And so the chaplain there serves as our And so, I needed liaison. They sponsor the group, and we can do to grow up and pretty intense emotional processing work in that wake up and group. And we do. And so, it gets real intense, and become a whole Cai Sorlien sometimes physical. But that’s OK. That’s real. That’s lot more intelli- very real. Especially for those guys who basically gent and less naïve. And the things I was given, grew up in combat. Most of the guys who are in the tools I was given, did not prepare me for war, prison grew up in combat zones, in Watts and did not prepare me for all that death and destruc- Compton and South Central around Los Angeles and tion and living in the shadow. I mean, that’s what Richmond and Oakland, down in the Bay area. So, we did for a year. We lived in the shadow, in the these guys know how to deal with all that grit and underbelly, the dark underbelly of America, and of blood and stuff. It’s been good medicine for me, in Vietnam. And the whole of humanity! That’s what many, many ways. we were doing there. We were living out, acting out the underbelly, that’s about as best as I can phrase Was this taking advantage a little bit of some of it in words now. I mean, the stuff we did was real- your psychology training at Dartmouth? ly fucked up. Waiting hypervigilant in an ambush No, most of that training was Skinnerian training, all night long for 10 seconds of chaos and adrenalin I don’t know if you ever did that. But it’s operant and blood and horror. And the stuff that I didn’t do conditioning training, and it was pretty limited. was really fucked up. We just became animals. We I studied it, did well in it, actually graduated with didn’t feel. We couldn’t afford to feel. If somebody honors because I aced the comps in psychology. expressed feelings, it’s like, what’s wrong with you, But it was pretty dry. It wasn’t very human, it was- man? You’re totally shunned. So, we just got real n’t very realistic. It was heady — it was real, real cold and real hard and got shit done. And that’s how heady stuff, and not really all that practical to me you survive in a war, that’s the way it works. I have had a lot of years isolation up here on this And you never went on to graduate school, I guess? land where I live. It’s at the end of a road, it’s 350 No, I took the GREs before I graduated. And then acres. The nearest neighbor is half a mile to the I had indicated to Cornell that I wanted to go to south, four miles to the west, 17 miles to the east, grad school in psychology there after I did my stint and about 20 miles to the north. I really needed to in the Army. But I was way too fucked up. I was just isolate and just go inside — just go inside without hollow. And no, I never followed up on that, never interruption. I have privacy here where I can sort

CLASS OF 1967 145 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE things out. And then choose carefully who I asso- Occom Pond. Yeah, that’s always been kind of my ciate with. There is an old Hispanic phrase, “Better salvation was to spend time outside, it still is. I’m to be alone than to be with bad company.” “Es mejor outside working here every day. I’m quite happy estar solo que mal acompanada.” doing that. I’m quite happy working on the land.

That’s what they say about marriages too. To put a label on it, it’s fair to say you have post- Yeah. traumatic stress disorder? Not that they knew what it was in 1970 or whenever you came out, but — ? Did you ever marry or have children? Oh yeah. I have a rating for PTSD with the VA. I Yeah, I did get married and have one son. That was didn’t want to have anything to do with the VA for a bit of a disaster, the marriage — and yet she and years. I wouldn’t have anything to do with any I still stay steadily in touch. She actually owns the institutions. I could not trust them. After ROTC, property next door now, bought the property next you do two years of active duty, four years of reserves. door on my advice. And my son and I are really I never did a day of reserves. I just disappeared. And close, really, really close. He’s a really fine, decent they finally, four years later, the Army sent a notice human being, with a lot of people skills. He was to my parents’ home, which is my home of record, born in 1980, and so he’s 35 years old now, and a saying that my service was satisfactorily completed, really good man who I love devotedly. and I was free. And it’s like good. You can send me anything you want, but you’re never going to see He lives in the area? me again, ever. I don’t care what you guys do, I’m He lives in Los Angeles. He’s an actor. He does movies, done. I put in more than my share, I’m totally fin- acting, and producing for a living and has for most ished. That included the VA. After I went to that of his life. He actually was a child actor and did all San Francisco VA hospital and they didn’t do a that stuff as a kid. When his mom and I split up, she thing for me, I didn’t want to have anything to do went back to LA, and was able to, through various with them either. means, connect him with people who were really good Even later in life, they have not been helpful? at coaching acting. And he has a particular gift for acting and a partial photographic memory. He’s real- The VA people are not great healers — they carry ly imaginative, so he was able to develop these gifts. much of the same western consciousness, and they try hard to be of service. After I came to California, You were into psychology. Did you get into anoth- I met these guys from the Congo who were in the er field? I mean, how did you make a living? Bay area. And these were men. These were healthy I made a living planting trees and climbing trees. I men, mature, balanced, caring; not wounded boys was a tree planter here in the Sierras for a long time. in grown men’s bodies. I was really drawn to them. We’d plant trees in the spring for a couple months, I found their ways very healing for me — very worthy just follow the spring in the Sierras, planting at of trust. So, that’s how I learned to drum and dance. different elevations. We’d start in February and I went back to the Congo with one of them. I appren- sometimes plant until May or June. And then in ticed with these two master drummer/dancers for August, do cone collection, climb trees and take the eight years, mostly in California, but in the Congo cones out of the top third of trees and use the seeds also. And I learned to drum and dance and learn from those cones to go to nurseries and start the trees their culture and live with them and eat their food. that we’d plant two years later. That’s how I made And because I could speak French as a kid in Quebec, a living, just physical grunt work. Good hard phys- we spoke French, I became their ally, and became ical work. I trust my body. I don’t trust my mind really close to these two guys from the Congo. So too much, and that’s still the case. I trust my body they were my allies. They really helped me to and that’s how I made a living. And never went back become a human being again, rather than just a to any of the academic stuff. I couldn’t. That’s how cold animal. They modeled for me how to fill the I got deluded into the dark places to start with, all numbed gap between my head and my genitals in that academic stuff, all that heady stuff. I just don’t a healthy way. They lead with their hearts. trust it. I’m much better off being in my body. Was that part of the Veteran’s Administration When you were at Dartmouth, did you take that helped you eventually? Or is this two good advantage of the great outdoors there and the people you met that helped? Dartmouth Outing Club and the various cabins These are just two men that I saw performing on and so on? the street in San Francisco. Had nothing to do with Yeah, I did. I was up at Mount Moosilauke and did the Veteran’s Administration. Two black guys who a lot of the outdoor stuff like playing hockey on were just full of life. And I had been full of death.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 146 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE And so, I was drawn to them, as polar opposites. Well, I’m still hanging in there. And I have more to I was really white, and they were really black. And give my son than my father gave me in that particu- they were very full of life, and I was full of death lar regard, so that he can make more informed choic- and destruction. And they were full of feeling, and es about the reality of this world and what’s really I was very numb. But I was very physical. I stayed going on, then I was able to make — like I say, I was in good shape, so I started leaning in on their dance extremely naïve. I had no clue how dark human and drum stuff. And I could learn it, because I had beings can be. I had to live it. I had to go into it, regained strength and speed and stamina. And so, and live it, to really get it. And so, I’ve been able to I didn’t have much of a sense of rhythm, I was a give my son more reality, and change the family terrible drummer at first. But they taught me. They affliction. I’ve taken my son into Folsom Prison four were really patient and kind and full of heart. And times, for some of the weekend trainings that we do. they needed somebody here. They were recently And so, he knows my story and he also gets to rub from Congo, so they needed an ally here that they up against these guys and get to know some of them could speak with. Their English wasn’t too good, really well, guys who grew up in combat situations but we could speak French. And so, I became their and who are — most of them are serving life sen- ally, and they became my ally. We got really close. tences for having killed somebody, just like me. And And I traveled with them a lot, did a lot of stuff so, we’re all doing time. We’re all a work in progress. with them. They’re really good men. Well, is there anything else? This has been fasci- And like I said, they’re very mature men. They nating. And it’s an excellent story to tell. Is there weren’t little boys in men’s bodies. They were bal- anything else you would like to add? anced men in men’s bodies. They are really in touch with their feelings. And I got just really tired Yeah, the most important thing, I sense, is to feel of being around men who couldn’t keep their word feelings, mad, sad, glad, fear, shame, and all their or men who were emotionally little boys still, or variations. They’re just human feelings. That’s a still vengeful adolescents. Most of the men in the healthy way to fill that numbed gap between head Army were really — they were just adolescents. They and genitals. And to stuff or deny any feeling at stopped growing because they were alcoholics, they any point ever is to rob me, and anybody else, of drank all the time. And I finally understood that. my humanity. The key is caring, the key to being a I finally got it, that doing drugs, you stop growing, human being is caring and the key to caring is you numb yourself out. Alcohol, nicotine, drugs, feeling. Feel, express, and then let go of the feeling. sugar, caffeine, you just don’t grow, you don’t change, Basically simple, but not common. you stay numb. Emotionally, you stay a little boy, It’s hard to do in a very tough combat environ- you stay a teenager. And it took me a long time to ment. finally sort that out and get it, but because of pain I got it. These guys from the Congo, they weren’t Yeah. It’s hard to do. It’s the way we were pro- junkies, they weren’t addicts, they were addicted grammed as young men in the western culture. The to drum and dance, but not to substances. Congolese guys were programmed to feel their feel- ings and express their feelings and live them fully, And most of the guys in prison, they can’t have bring them fully, bring them. Not deny them. And access. A lot of them were junkies before they came so, they have a saying, “You never ever teach a in, but they don’t have much access to that kind of young man to bear arms, skills with weapons, until stuff now. And so, when you’re not hooked on you first make sure his humanity is intact,” so you whatever, whatever it is you abuse or overuse, you don’t create a brutal, hard killing-machine animal. have the opportunity, I have the opportunity, to grow, to And that’s an old, old, old earth-based culture change, to evolve, to mature and grow up and become a that’s a lot, lot wiser than our culture, and a lot human being whose emotional body is about the more together. same age as the chronological body I don’t find that common in this country and culture. Sounds like you’ve done a very good job with your son as well. No, it sounds as though you clearly had an extremely rough time, but you sorted things Yes, thank you, John. Yeah, he and I are pretty close. out. Took a while, but you sorted things out for He takes it to his acting. He’s a very good actor yourself. because he can bring a lot of feeling, a lot of human- ity to his work. Yeah. Well, I’m still working on it. January 2016 We’re always a work in progress, I think. But again, you seem to have gone a good job with All rights reserved. No part of this conversation may be reproduced or yourself. used in any way without the expressed written consent of Cai Sorlien.

CLASS OF 1967 147 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE My Year in Vietnam September 1968 – September 1969 William J. Thomson

You will find below a few paragraphs I have written and then you would start over again. Fortunately, about my experience in Vietnam. I was fortunate the shifts were reduced to two — 6am to noon and to have a non-combatant role, so my tour of duty noon to 6pm — shortly before I started. wasn’t quite as dramatic and traumatic as that of Since the training program was for officers, it was others, but quite a few interesting things happened. mostly theoretical and academic—we never touched The underlying theme, I suppose, is one of absurdity. a wrench or any part of an airplane. Nevertheless, I kept a journal sporadically during my first five whenever any maintenance or repair of an aircraft months or so in Vietnam, but then for some reason was completed, aircraft maintenance officers, includ- I cannot recall I stopped. Accordingly, I was able to ing brand new ones, were the only ones who could report some of the happenings that occurred during sign the aircraft off as airworthy. Senior non-com- the first half of the year with more accuracy and missioned officers with 20 to 30 years of getting detail than those which occurred during the second. their hands dirty fixing airplanes were not thought capable of doing this. Getting There While at maintenance school, I volunteered for My journey to Vietnam began with my succumbing Vietnam. I was against the war, but I wanted to see to the charms of an on-campus Air Force recruiter what was going on and have an adventure, and during the early days of 1967 whose job was made I knew I would not be involved in killing people. easier by the knowledge military service of some Not very well thought through, but I was young. sort was inevitable. He clinched the sale by offer- Having said that, I have always been grateful to ing to make me a pilot which was something I had have had the experience. I was to be stationed at always wanted to do, but I failed the flight physi- Danang Air Base. cal because of partial color blindness. Since I had already signed on the dotted line, I was still com- I was on my way in September 1968 and stopped mitted to officer training and four years on active at Norton AFB in California to learn how to use an duty. At the time, anyone who did not qualify for M-16 and, since I was an officer, the gentleman’s pilot training and did not have a very specialized weapon, a 38 revolver. I found the M-16 incredibly and sought after ability had to go into aircraft main- easy to use; it seemed to me that all I had to do tenance as there was a dire shortage of aircraft was point it in the general direction of the target maintenance officers in Vietnam. So, after getting and would score a bullseye every time. I even man- my gold bars in December of 1967, I attended aged to earn a marksmanship ribbon. The 38 was Aircraft Maintenance Officer School at Chanute Air a totally different story, however — no marksman- Force Base in Illinois. ship ribbon there. It was all a bit pointless in the end as most members of the Air Force based in The aircraft maintenance training program was Vietnam (at least those based in Danang where intense and lasted for almost eight months. For quite I was) were thought incapable of handling firearms a while before I started the course, they gave class- and never allowed near them except on very excep- es in four shifts — 6am to noon, noon to 6pm, tional occasions. 6pm to midnight, and midnight to 6pm. You would be on one shift for a few weeks and then change Arrival: 22 September 1968 to another one until you would have done all four I landed at Danang Air base on a hot, humid, drizzly day. We disembarked from the chartered airliner (all major transfers of personnel to and from Vietnam were made by commercial airlines) on steps pockmarked with shrapnel holes and made our way to the processing center used for both those arriving and those departing. As luck would have it, a plane- load of departing servicemen was being processed at exactly the same time as we were. They had a great time making it very clear to us that they had Graduating from Officer Training School, December only a couple of hours left “in-country,” while we 1967. I’m fourth from the left. had an entire year. Not a happy start.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 148 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Although living conditions were pretty basic, those of us fortunate enough to be stationed at Danang were somewhat spoiled with the various facilities available to us. The Officers’ Club served decent food and plenty of drink, and there was usually some sort of live entertainment every week or so. There was a 24-hour movie theater, squash courts, a library, and a large Class VI store (what the mili- tary called a liquor store) with seemingly limitless supplies of cheap alcohol. I took university level German lessons while there. So, life was relatively Base Operations, Danang Air Base easy given where we were and what we were doing. We had a lot of barbecues. As we had machine shops Danang Air Base. and welding shops in my squadron it was relatively Danang Air Base was established by the French Air easy to construct large and efficient barbecues out Force (who called it Tourane Air Base) and became of 55 gallon drums. While I was at Danang, Marines a South Vietnam Air Force (VNAF) facility after the under the rank of technical sergeant were not end of the French Indochina War in 1954. By the allowed to purchase alcohol, so for a bottle of time I arrived in September 1968, Danang Air Base whiskey or two they would procure almost anything was home to large contingents of the Army, Marine for you. They specialized in cases of steaks, which Corps (mainly fighter units), and Air Force (also seemed to be in limitless supply. And beer was cheap mainly fighter units), in addition to extensive VNAF and plentiful. So, we had some pleasant evenings. operations. There was also a large Navy support oper- A friend and I would often work off the next day’s ation at the Port of Danang. Putting this all togeth- hangover with a vigorous game of squash. er meant that Danang was home to the largest US These barbecues sometimes came with a cost. One military presence outside Saigon and Cam Ranh wet and rainy evening after one of these events, I was Bay. During my stay at Danang, the airfield was said making my way back to my quarters when I slipped to be the busiest in the world. and slightly twisted my knee (or so I thought at the The biggest part of the Air Force operations at time). I continued on my way, not thinking anything Danang was the 366th Tactical Fighter Wing made up of several squadrons of F-4’s. The F-4 was a heavy fighter-bomber capable of flying more than twice the speed of sound (1,500 mph) and was the workhorse of the Air Force, Navy and the Marine Corps during the Vietnam conflict. I was assigned to the 366th Field Maintenance Squadron, which carried out heavy maintenance on the fighters.

Living Conditions The living quarters of officers and enlisted men were in separate fenced and gated compounds a couple of miles apart. Enlisted men lived in two-story open bay barracks, most officers in partitioned one story barracks with two officers sharing a room (not quite a room as the partitions did not extend to the floor or to the ceiling). The upper half of the barracks’ walls was made up of nothing more than screening, so we were pretty open to the elements. Medical and dental officers lived in air conditioned quarters with individual rooms; fighter pilots in very nice prefabricated and air conditioned barracks with individual rooms, and colonels and above in individual air conditioned trailers. All the living quarters were very close to the runway, and aircraft were taking off and landing all night making an incredible amount of noise. Amazingly, it kept very Home Away from Home. I’m on the left; fellow main- few of us from sleeping. tenance officer on the right.

CLASS OF 1967 149 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE more about it and got myself to bed. In the morn- ing, my knee was swollen beyond recognition, and it was immovable, and I realized that I must have been well anaesthetized the night before not to have felt any pain. I ended up in a cast and almost missed my R&R to Australia. In an amusing twist to this little tale, I was officially classified as a disabled vet- eran when discharged from active duty, but since the disability was deemed to be less than 5% there were no special benefits or compensation. There were a huge number of Vietnamese nation- als employed on the base. Probably more than half were women who were called “mamasans.” Most of them worked in the barracks washing and iron- Fully armed F-4 ready for take-off ing our clothes. They did the washing in the com- munal showers whether we were taking showers at At the very beginning of January 1969, the squadron the time or not, and many brought along little maintenance officer got his direct reports together plastic bags full of marijuana and smoked away all to discuss the new wing commander, the ranking day as they did their work. Some of the mamasans Air Force officer at Danang, and what we should were waitresses in the officers’ and non-commis- focus on because of his arrival. He said something sioned officers’ clubs. There was one working in the like this: officers’ club who appeared to be the youngest and “Well, gents, the new wing commander’s here, and was known as “Babysan.” And as I looked younger he appears to be very interested in housekeeping. than most of the other officers, I was called Now, there are going to be a lot of new colonels “Babysan” by the waitresses. Needless to say, my coming soon, and coming from nice Stateside bases fellow junior officers tried very hard get the two they’re going to be very interested in housekeeping Babysans together but never succeeded. as well. One thing I have noticed is that a lot of the door casements are beginning to look dingy. First Job Let’s all get together, clean’em up, paint ’em, and I was assigned to the 366th Field Maintenance make ’em look nice. But let’s make ’em all look the Squadron, which carried out heavy maintenance on same. It’s sort of a psychological thing. The door the F-4s. My first job was as Officer-in-Charge of casement’s one of the first things someone sees Transient Alert. We were responsible for handling when entering a maintenance shop, and we want all visiting aircraft; directing them to and from the to give ’em a favorable first impression. runway, parking them, servicing them, providing And another thing. Lines on the floor. It doesn’t any necessary repairs, and so on. That this sort of matter what they’re for, or what kind they are, but operation would be part of a heavy maintenance it makes it look like we know what we’re doing. It organization seemed strange to me, but I guess they makes us look organized. Then they won’t see quite had to put it somewhere. so many of our maintenance screw-ups.“

Second Job Third Job My tenure as Officer-in-Charge of Transient Alert By the time I got to Vietnam the shortage of aircraft lasted only a couple of months. In November of maintenance officers had turned into a surplus, so 1968 I became Officer-in-Charge of the Fabrication in January 1969 I was appointed the squadron admin- Branch, which was responsible for fundamental istrative officer reporting to the squadron comman- structural repair of the aircraft. We had the welding, der. As the title suggests, I was responsible for machine and sheet metal shops and were responsi- administrative affairs and served as general assis- ble for painting the aircraft and maintaining and tant to the commander. I was also responsible for repairing external fuel tanks. Anomalously, we also squadron discipline (not altogether appropriate for had the parachute shop, which was responsible for a 22-year-old, anti-war second lieutenant), and the folding and packing parachutes. Its main activity squadron first sergeant reported to me. Because of was drying, inspecting, folding and repacking the my age, I was the person the enlisted men, partic- drag chutes which were deployed by the F-4s when ularly the younger ones, came to for advice on all landing to help slow them down. aspects of their lives in Vietnam. It was a daunting My immediate boss was the squadron maintenance experience for someone so young, but it was the officer. All the branches of the squadron reported to most worthwhile and rewarding part of my time him, and he reported to the squadron commander. in Vietnam.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 150 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Squadron Commander was apparently unhappy with the paint shop for My first squadron commander was a good one. some reason, and this was his way of showing his He was a full colonel, experienced, tough when he displeasure, but he never spoke to anyone about it needed to be, very empathetic and very likeable; so we never knew what the issue was. Afterwards he had a good sense of humor and did not take him- I regretted not getting the military police involved self too seriously. He was good leader, and morale to see if they would have charged the squadron was high. Unfortunately, he left about the time commander with theft. I became the squadron administrative officer in As I mentioned, the morale of the squadron plum- January 1969. meted when the new squadron commander took His replacement was a crusty old lieutenant colonel over. He and one of his maintenance officers, a whose approach was significantly different from senior captain, became very friendly, and he appoint- his predecessor’s. Morale plummeted. He reminded ed his new friend to replace the recently departed me of Captain Queeg in The Caine Mutiny. squadron maintenance officer. The new squadron maintenance officer was made in the same mold One day after I had become the squadron adminis- as the squadron commander, and morale dropped trative officer, a very distraught young fellow came even further. Not long before I left a major was in to speak to me about a “Dear John” letter received assigned to the squadron, and as he outranked the from his girlfriend of long standing. He had other captain he became the squadron maintenance offi- issues as well, and it was clear he was having a cer, and the captain was bumped down a level. The breakdown. He was in tears and shaking at such morale of the squadron soared. a rapid rate that he was literally oscillating. He told me he was going to commit suicide. We had the I left at this point, but discovered the end of this authority to send someone like this home, and story later on. The major was sent to Japan for a 2- I suggested to my boss that we should do so. His week course in F-4 maintenance. During his absence, response was something like this: “We don’t want the squadron commander apparently rescinded the a lily-livered son of a bitch like that in our organi- appointment of the major as the squadron mainte- zation, so tell him to come to me and I’ll give him nance officer and reappointed the captain. When my gun.” Well, I must confess I did not obey that the major returned from his course, he found that order. Instead, I sent him to see the medics at the he did not have a job. I heard that the major spent base hospital who also had the authority to send the rest of his year’s tour of duty in Vietnam with people with mental problems home, and this is nothing to do, but I do not know for sure what what they duly did. finally transpired. The wing commander would often visit his units Conflict Close to Home to see how things were going. They were informal Danang was not on the front lines (although it was visits. His office would get in touch with the rele- difficult in Vietnam to determine where the front vant unit commander first thing in the morning to lines were, or whether they existed at all), but we let him know that he might receive a visit from the had occasional ground attacks and quite a few mor- wing commander that day. When our squadron tar and rocket attacks during my year’s tour of duty. commander received this phone call, he would panic The first ground attack I experienced occurred in and treat the visit as an official and formal inspec- the early evening, and most of my colleagues and tion. Work effectively stopped so that everyone I were off duty in the barracks area. We had no and everything would be ready for the visit. In the weapons, and there were no contingency plans as offices, desks had to be cleared and waste baskets to what to do in such an eventuality. So the only emptied and kept that way. This state of suspended animation had to be maintained until the wing commander had come and gone. One of the times this happened, we got ready for the “inspection,” were not able to do anything all day and then finally learned the wing commander decided not to visit after all. One morning, the head of the paint shop got in touch with me to report that one of his paint machines had disappeared. I went to see for myself, and sure enough the paint machine was missing and nowhere to be found. I was about to get the military police involved when I heard via the grapevine that the squadron commander had hidden it. He F-4 taking off

CLASS OF 1967 151 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE thing we could do was hope for the best. To relieve the tension, several of us congregated at the top of one of our barracks’ external staircases, drank a lot of beer and watched what we could see of the action. Fortunately, the action did not get too close to us, so all we suffered was a nasty hangover the next day. Mortars and rockets were normally fired during the night in groups of 10 or more. Guards on duty along the outer perimeter of the base usually spot- ted the first one being fired and set off the warning sirens before it hit. The sound of the sirens would C-124 in take-off queue behind three C-130s be followed by the sound of the explosions. If the sound of the second explosion was louder than responsible for stopping anyone violating the rules, the first, you knew that the rockets or mortars were taking his name, and reprimanding him. At the end coming toward you; if it was not as loud as the first, of the day, the list was delivered to the wing you knew they were going away from you so you commander who personally called the violators’ could breathe a sigh of relief. There were bomb shel- squadron commanders the next morning to inform ters outside the barracks, but no one used them as them of the transgressions. The second time a vio- you were totally exposed on the way from the bar- lator violated the rules they were automatically racks to the shelter. Instead, you would put on your given an Article 15. An Article 15 was the mildest flak jacket and helmet and crawl under your bed. form of legal action taken against a member of the After being in-country for a while, most of us military, followed in increasing level of severity by became pretty blasé and simply turned over and a summary court martial and then a general court went back to sleep. Fortunately, casualties were martial. In contrast with a court martial which fol- pretty uncommon. lowed a formal judicial process, an Article 15 judg- The Vietcong were clever with their rockets. They ment was a decision made solely by the officer-in- would set them up at night very close to the end of charge of the violator. The punishment was often the runway. The detonating mechanism consisted demotion by one grade. As you can imagine, this of a large coffee tin filled with water, a cork with a regime did not do a lot to raise morale. I confess nail in it floating on the water, a battery, wires con- that when I was a member of the Courtesy Patrol, necting the battery to the detonator and the coffee I was not overzealous in doing my duty. tin, and a wire connecting the nail in the cork to The wing commander was particularly keen that the detonator. During the following day or maybe hair was cut in strict accordance with the regula- days, the sun would evaporate the water, the nail tions. He received his promotion to brigadier gen- would make contact with the coffee tin, the circuit eral while at Danang and held a reception at the would be completed, and the detonator would officers’ club for all the officers on the base. At one launch the rocket. Of course, the Vietcong would be point during the celebrations a good friend and I long gone by then. were leaning over the buffet table getting some hors-d’oeuvres. It was a very long table; my friend Discipline and I were at one end, and as luck would have it The wing commander was a brigadier general and the new brigadier general was bending over the a stickler for discipline. He was particularly keen to table at the other end with no one in between. As ensure that all personnel were neatly and properly the general leaned over the table he happened to dressed with proper haircuts, polished shoes, but- glance our way, and his eyes fastened on my friend’s tons buttoned, hats on, and so on. Given that we sideburns. My friend’s haircut was immaculate, much were in a hot, humid and dirty war zone with every- shorter than the regulations required. But his side- one working long, strenuous shifts and many taking burns were between a quarter of inch to a half an part in combat, this was a tall order. In addition, inch too long. The general had very good vision and he wanted to ensure that all forms of military con- was clearly disturbed by what he saw. He immediate- duct and courtesy were followed with proper salut- ly found his deputy commander for materiel. They ing, etc. To enforce these rules, the commander had a whisper and looked at my friend. The deputy established what he called the “Courtesy Patrol.” commander for materiel moved on to the next per- Every day, a team consisting of a junior officer and son in the pecking order, the chief of maintenance. senior non-commissioned officer patrolled the base They had a whisper and looked at my friend. The looking for violations of the dress code, improper chief of maintenance found our squadron comman- saluting and other misdemeanors. The team was der. They had a whisper and looked at my friend.

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 152 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Finally, our squadron commander came to us and the containers and distribute the weapons. Fortu- informed my friend that the general was extremely nately, such a situation never arose. displeased with his sideburns and that he must have them cut forthwith. Our squadron commander at Race Riot that time, a very agreeable and reasonable man, was The most serious threat to the security of the base clearly embarrassed by the whole situation. while I was there was not an attack by the Viet Cong, it was a race riot. I am afraid I cannot remember Work with the Judge Advocate General Corps (JAG) what set it off, but we certainly had an exciting When I left Dartmouth, I was intending to go to evening. I had just left an alcoholic barbecue when law school, so I made a point of getting to know suddenly people were running around everywhere, the lawyers (Judge Advocate General Corps officers) a lot of flares were being fired from several of the based at Danang. As a result, I was asked to be a guard posts around and about, and it was clear that member several court martial boards, the chairman something big was happening. I was close to my of which acts as the judge and the other members squadron’s barracks around which there was a lot of as the jury. These were summary courts martial activity, so as the administrative officer I thought I considering minor offenses, mostly falling asleep on should see what was going on. When I entered the guard duty and possessing/smoking marijuana in barracks I was confronted with a small crowd sur- the cases with which I was involved. rounding a bed in which an African American was Somewhat unfortunately, the lawyers took advan- lying with the covers pulled up to his neck. The tage of my naivety and enthusiasm for things legal first sergeant was standing next to the bed with by asking me to act as the prosecuting attorney a 38 revolver leveled at him. The African American (there was no requirement for legal qualifications; it made a sudden movement, and the first sergeant was sufficient just to be an officer) in an administra- shot him. It was a wound to the chest that bled pro- tive discharge hearing. A senior non-commissioned fusely, but fortunately it was not fatal. As the base officer had been accused of homosexual activity, hospital was nearby, the first sergeant and I got the which in those days was unacceptable behavior wounded man out of bed and half-carried him there. leading to a less than honorable discharge. I was The first sergeant had drawn his gun because he sus- flattered to be asked to present the case for the pros- pected the African American was one of the rioters. ecution, thinking they had recognized my legal It seemed a likely possibility as he had been seen potential. I should have suspected something was running into the barracks, was not a member of amiss when I learned that a member of the JAG our squadron (and thus would not have a bed in team and a qualified lawyer was appointed to our barracks), and even though he had the bed- defend the accused. Needless to say I was humili- clothes up around his neck, it was clear that he was ated, and the accused was found innocent of any fully clothed. As a result of the continuing high level wrongdoing. Later on I learned that the JAG peo- of racial tension, we had to hide the first sergeant ple knew that the accusations were false but had for the rest of his time in Vietnam. to proceed with the hearing because they had been As I mentioned earlier, I had just left an alcoholic formally and officially made. I was appointed pros- barbecue when the excitement started. When the ecuting attorney to ensure the accusations were first sergeant and I got the wounded man to the hos- dismissed. Laudable intentions, but very much at pital, a lot of the squadron members who had wit- my expense. nessed the shooting came to me for advice on how Firearms to handle the questioning that would certainly fol- low. My less than sober state, general anti-establish- Although we in the Air Force were not allowed to ment feelings, and inexperience along with the have firearms, we had containers full of M-16s to be issued in case of an emergency (it was never made clear just what sort of emergency would act as the trigger for this). As the squadron administrative officer I had the keys to the container, and it was my job to distribute the M16s when an emergency arose. The containers were located in the enlisted men’s compound which was a place I would never normally be. I had no means of transportation, being a very junior officer, and so in the middle of an emergency serious enough to warrant the issue of the M-16s, I would have to somehow catch a lift to the enlisted men’s compound in order to open C-124, “Old Shaky,” taxiing for take-off

CLASS OF 1967 153 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE Dennis Barger, Class of 1965 One of my best friends at Dartmouth was Dennis Barger, Class of 1965, from Dallas. He majored in philosophy and convinced me to do the same. As I recall, he was politically left of center and not a keen supporter of our involvement in Vietnam. Not too long after his graduation, I was incredibly surprised to hear from Dennis that he was joining the Marines and hoped to become a pilot. He com- pleted Officer Candidate School at Quantico and went on to pilot training. He graduated in the top 10% of his class, which enabled him to choose what Air America Airline (was, in fact, a CIA “air force”) to fly (those in the bottom 90% went into heli- Pilatus PC-6 Porter Short Take-Off and Landing copters). Dennis chose fighters. Aircraft Two major things happened to Dennis during his excitement and confusion of the moment, led me Marine Corps training. First, he was converted into to make a huge error of judgement and advise that a diehard supporter of what we were doing in they should not say anything to anybody. The next Vietnam. Second, he absolutely loved flying. In his thing I knew I was taken to the JAG offices and held typically colorful way he said that flying a jet fight- incommunicado for several hours while arguments er was better than making love. raged about what should be done with me. I had no Dennis arrived in Vietnam a couple of months idea the trouble I was in, thinking I was waiting sim- before I did and was based at Quang Tri about 100 ply to give evidence as to what I had witnessed. I miles north of Danang flying A4s. Shortly after I found out later that my commander wanted to arrived at Danang in September 1968, Dennis was court martial me, and he had pretty good grounds. able to visit me. He was with me for 24 hours or so, My JAG friends convinced him not to, and no and we spent most of the time drinking and argu- action was taken. My interest in the law saved me. ing about the war. He was still incredibly gung-ho and I was strongly against it. I couldn’t believe Bomb Dump Eruption how he had changed. It was clearly the result of We faced the second most serious threat to the secu- his Marine Corps training and highlighted how rity of the base while I was there when the bomb benign my Air Force training had been. When dump caught on fire. It was never clear (at least to Dennis left the next day, I was worried that our those of us without the appropriate security clear- arguments had gone too far and that our friend- ance) whether or not it was accidental, but it was ship had been damaged. My worries grew over the rumored to have been started by the Viet Cong. It succeeding weeks because I did not hear anything began in the morning and continued all day with from him. Christmas came and went with no com- massive explosion after massive explosion. I was munication, and I thought our friendship must be located two or three miles away from the bomb finished. I had sent a Christmas card to a mutual dump on the opposite of the runway, but the explo- friend in the US and had asked if she had heard sions sounded much closer. In fact, the sound waves anything from Dennis. Her response came shortly created by these explosions did the most damage after Christmas with the news that in November (except for the bomb dump itself and the area Dennis’s A4 was badly damaged while on a mission immediately around it). Later in the day, when the and that although he made it back to base, he crash- smoke and clouds combined in a low layer over landed and was killed. the area, you could see the pinpoint of sound imme- The day I received the news was my unhappiest in diately above an explosion form immediately. Then Vietnam. The impact was exacerbated by knowing you could see the sound wave coming as the pin- that I was most likely the last good friend or family point of sound began to expand into a circular rip- member to see Dennis and by the fact that we ple in the cloud cover. When the ripple was directly parted on less than good terms. It was ironic that overhead you heard the massive bang. The sound Dennis’s death took place 100 miles away but that waves did amazing things to many of the solidly the news only reached me 3 months later and had built steel frame buildings lifting their roofs up like to travel over 8,000 miles to the States and back to flapping wings and twisting into distorted shapes get to me. the steel girders beneath. And there was a lot of shrapnel flying around, so we spent a good part of I have to say that I was fortunate that this was my the day in bomb shelters. unhappiest day in Vietnam. Although tragic, it was

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 154 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE nothing compared to what thousands of others Communication went through. Today, it seems to me that sometimes we can com- A Loss of Morality; Trivialization of Death municate too easily and quickly. Mobile networks and Wi-Fi everywhere. Emails, Twitter, Facebook, One day I ran into a young Marine Corps officer Linked-In, What’s App, text messages, Skype, Face- who was, for some reason I can’t recall, visiting the Time, etc. Even in many war zones you can see and maintenance squadron. He was dressed in his full speak with your loved ones whenever you miss combat gear and looked as though he had just come them. In Vietnam, the only communication with off the front line. We chatted, and I commented on the outside world was by letter. In a dire, dire family part of his combat gear that was clearly not standard emergency the Red Cross might be able to arrange issue — a sawed-off shotgun. His response was to say a phone call. Otherwise it was just the written word that it was really useful. Just a day or two before a physically transported across the Pacific. How incred- little old Vietnamese woman had run at him, and he ibly things have changed in just 50 years. had blown her head off. He described this to me in a totally matter of fact way; he was even amused by R&R it. I was shocked. Here was a young college gradu- Next to going home, R&R was the best thing about ate, very similar to me, and yet he was completely Vietnam. Generally, you were able to go on two; casual about killing a fellow human being. In fact, one was official and one was not. The official one he was completely casual about killing a defense- was a week in duration, did not count as time off, less old woman at very close quarters where he was and came with a reserved seat to and from your confronted with the bloody results of his action. destination and a reserved hotel room. The unoffi- He said he killed the woman because she could cial one was also a week in duration but counted have been a Vietcong, and he did not want to take as leave, and travel was on a strictly space available any chances. It could be that his decision to “shoot basis. Possible destinations included Hawaii, Sydney, first and ask questions later” was a rational one. Hong Kong, Bangkok, Kuala Lampur, Manila, Taipei Even so, I was surprised that he did not show at and Singapore. least a little concern or remorse for what he had done. The Marine Corps and his Vietnam experi- I went to Sydney on the first, official R&R to see ence had turned him into a cold blooded killer my Australian girlfriend. I do not remember much (I wonder if he later suffered from post-traumatic about Sydney or Australia, I am afraid, as my focus stress disorder). The very unpleasant conclusion was elsewhere. I went to Hong Kong for my second I came to was that if I had happened to become an R&R and was much more appreciative of Hong Kong officer in the Marines or Army rather than the Air as a place than I was of Sydney. Force the same could have, probably would have, For my trip to Hong Kong, I managed to get a seat happened to me. on one of the base’s administrative aircraft which I came across others who were truly professional made regular flights to many of the R&R centers killers. Some senior Army and Marine non-commis- excluding those a great distance away, e.g., Sydney sioned officers I met were killing machines. They and Hawaii. There were 4 or 5 of these aircraft, all enjoyed it. Once you had been “in-country” for C-47s, and one of their main purposes was to give your required one year, you could extend your stay senior officers who were pilots, but did not fly dur- in six-month intervals. Some I met had been in ing their day to day duties, the opportunity to put Vietnam for two years and longer. You have to in enough flying hours to secure their flight pay, wonder how they occupied themselves once they which they lost if they did not fly a minimum num- returned to the US. ber of hours per month. An added benefit was addi- tional R&R not counting as R&R or time off; they would fly to one of the R&R centers, stay for two or three days and fly back. Each of these aircraft flew with a crew chief, a junior non-commissioned officer who was respon- sible for keeping the aircraft ship shape and ready to fly and acted as a kind of head steward during the flight. This was their full-time job in Vietnam, flying back and forth to R&R centers. They received “hostile fire” pay since each of their flights was over what was technically hostile territory (everywhere in C-123 taking off. Used for spraying the infamous Vietnam was included in this category). They would Agent Orange take shopping orders for stereo equipment, cameras,

CLASS OF 1967 155 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE etc., which were quite inexpensive in places like Southern Baptist Mission which was located in the Hong Kong. They would add a percentage to the middle of Danang city. I was driven to the mission cost as a sort of service charge. Their shopping lists once a week in the evening accompanied with my were always long ones resulting in aircraft that were own armed guard (the prohibition against Air Force close to being overloaded on their return to Danang. personnel carrying weapons extended to trips off The shopping expeditions went like clockwork. The base as well). Unfortunately, I was not able to see crew chiefs had established arrangements with var- much during the excursions because they were ious shops and after checking in to their hotel (they always after dark. I was, however, able to get to know, always stayed in nice ones, courtesy of the taxpay- at least a little, some of my Vietnamese students er) would call the shops with their orders, which who ranged in age from late teens to fifty or so. would be delivered to the hotel. This enabled them I had a very interesting conversation with one of to spend their two or three days with their local my students, Mrs Hai, a woman in her thirties or girlfriends (professional or otherwise), which many forties who already spoke good English. The con- of them had in every port. versation began with her asking me what I thought Surreality about the war. Clearly, I could not say I was against it, so I responded with some bland platitudes and China Beach, as My Khe Beach was known to the then asked her what she thought. Mrs Hai’s answer American military, was a great place to “rest and was more or less as follows (the words are mine relax.” Those of us stationed at Danang AB were based on notes I made at the time): very fortunate in that it was very close by. We visit- ed the beach as often as we could (which, sadly, was “I’m totally against the South Vietnamese regime not very often), but the visits there were bizarrely and fully support Ho Chi Minh. The South Viet- incongruous. You could move from the world of war namese government is weak and corrupt, made up to an idyllic tropical beach with a fifteen-minute of people interested only in their own power and drive. It was a very long and broad beach with fine position and in getting rich from the conflict. white sand and decent surfing. There was a small These people are the old aristocracy who flour- officers’ club amongst some palm trees at the edge ished during the French colonial rule. The govern- of the beach where we enjoyed fresh lobster washed ment is made up of the remnants of the French down with bottles of chilled white wine. administration and is doing very little to help the Vietnamese people. One day, a group of us drove off the base to visit a Marine Corps establishment in the mountains out- The French had been the most hated enemy of the side Danang. We traveled from the heat and humid- Vietnamese, and Ho Chi Minh got rid of them. Ho ity at sea level to the chilly and misty weather in the is everyone’s hero (except for the few that benefited mountains. We had lunch in the Marine Officers’ from French rule) and wants to do something for Club where there was a huge fire roaring away in the lower and middle classes. And Ho has so far the fireplace. been successful in keeping the most powerful coun- try in the world at bay. So most ordinary South Teaching English Vietnamese support Ho Chi Minh. To keep us out of trouble, most Air Force personnel There are thousands of refugees fleeing from North were not allowed to venture into the town of to South Vietnam, but they are doing so to get away Danang; we were pretty much confined to base (the from the American bombs, not from Ho Chi Minh. main exception being China Beach). I was extremely A lot of South Vietnamese men volunteer for the curious to see what a little bit of the real Vietnam South Vietnamese army. This is not because they looked like so I volunteered to teach English at the support the war, but because they have no other means of making a living. Many of them are farmers who have left their farms and moved to the cities because the countryside is so dangerous and insecure. Another reason a lot of South Vietnamese support the North and not the South is that the South Vietnamese Army is noted for looting and stealing from the people. This is something the Viet Cong don’t do.” Mrs. Hai finished by saying that if she were to voice these views amongst other South Vietnamese, she Two F-102 Fighter Interceptors on standby would be arrested and imprisoned. I have always

LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 156 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Money In order to help control the black market in and counterfeiting of greenbacks, the military issued its own currency called Military Payment Certificates, MPCs, for use in overseas military establishments. This was first done just after WWII and continued through the Vietnam War. The denominations were 5, 10, 25, and 50 cents as well as 1, 5, 10 and 20 dollars. These were all paper notes, so your wallet was always fully stuffed. Although black market activity in greenbacks was minimized, there was a thriving black market in MPCs. In an attempt to control this, one series of MPCs would be replaced with another on a periodic basis. The process was Junior Officers’ Quarters after a rain storm challenging because it was carried out unannounced within a 24-hour period. Any notes you did not been puzzled as to why she did not have the same exchange for new ones were valueless. As a junior worry about sharing her views with me. officer, I helped supervise this process and carried One of the most curious parts of my teaching expe- bags full of banknotes around the base, distributing rience was the regular visits to the mission of a lit- the new ones to the exchange points and collecting tle girl who was probably 3 or maybe 4 years old, the old ones. totally on her own. It turned out she was a sort of Departure: 17 September 1969 mascot of the mission. Her home was next door in one of Danang’s many brothels. She was a lovely, The day finally came to say good-bye to Danang. bubbly little girl whose skin and features were more The countdown to that day became more and more black than oriental. The exception was her hair, tense as it got closer because one felt, totally irra- which, although black, was very fine and straight. tionally, that the chances of suffering a direct mor- Another of our many legacies. I wonder what sort tar or rocket hit rose exponentially as one’s time of life she has had and what she is doing now. in-country declined. This feeling was increased for me not too long before I was supposed to leave when Vietnamese Bus Drivers one of the members of my squadron was killed in There was a shuttle bus service on the base. It was his bed by a direct hit just two weeks before he was an absolutely essential service as it was a very large due to go home. base, and most of us had no other means of trans- At any rate, the day finally came. We were required portation. The drivers were Vietnamese. No other to report to the terminal hours before departure to Vietnamese were allowed on the buses; they might ensure enough time to go through all the paperwork, be Vietcong. So, the Vietnamese drivers were put in baggage checks and so on. We found that once this the position of having to tell their fellow countrymen, was completed we had hours to kill, and the airline or anyone who appeared to be a fellow country- taking us home was notorious for always being late. man, that they could not get on the bus, that they So, in spite of the fact that these planes would only had to walk. This prohibition included fully vetted be on the ground long enough to unload new Vietnamese employees, of whom there were many, arrivals and load up returnees (they would not even who had no other way of getting around the base. take the time to refuel; they were sitting ducks for rocket/mortar attacks), some friends and I decided OSI to risk going to the Officers’ Club for a meal. We The OSI, or Office of Special Investigations, was returned to the terminal well in advance of the responsible for carrying out criminal investigations scheduled take-off time to find it totally deserted. and counterintelligence activities. Their investiga- We rushed out to the flight line and were greeted tions focused mainly on Air Force personnel and with the sight of our flight home with engines run- were largely undercover. In the US, OSI investiga- ning and about to taxi to the end of the runway tors dressed in civilian clothes in order to blend in for takeoff. For the first time ever, this airline had with the local population. In Vietnam they did the arrived early. Needless to say, we totally panicked. same; they wore civilian clothes, American civilian Fortunately, however, the aircraft crew saw us, took clothes, in order not to stand out. Of course they pity on us, and throttled back the engines. The stood out like sore thumbs as they were about the steps were rolled back to the aircraft, the door was only non-Orientals in the area not in uniform. opened, and we scrambled onboard.

CLASS OF 1967 157 LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE LIVING THROUGH MOMENTOUS CHANGE 158 DARTMOUTH COLLEGE