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Table of Contents ______ Table of Contents ______________________________________________________________________________________ FOREWORD, by Henry Paetkau ..................................................... 1 Why this Resource Collection? ....................................................... 2 I WHAT DOES OUR THEOLOGY AND FAITH SAY ABOUT DEATH AND DYING ...... 3 From “Sheol” to “Heaven”: What the Bible Says about Life After Death, by David Schroeder ............. 3 II THE CHURCH: PROVIDING CARE WHEN DEATH OCCURS ...................... 6 The Church as a Caring Community .......................................... 6 The Pastor’s Role ........................................................ 6 Seven Steps for Pastoral Care when Death Occurs ............................... 7 Self-Care for the Pastor .................................................... 9 The Funeral/Memorial Service .............................................. 9 Its Purpose .......................................................... 9 The Viewing ........................................................ 10 Involving Children ................................................... 10 A Meal on Top of a Tombstone, by Henri Nouwen .......................... 11 1. The Service in the Sanctuary ............................................. 12 A Sample Order of Service ............................................ 12 Comments about the Order of Service ................................... 12 Selecting hymns and other music ................................... 13 The Life Story, by Ken Bechtel ..................................... 15 Scripture Readings .............................................. 16 The Sermon (or Homily) .......................................... 16 The Storms of Life, a meditation by John H. Neufeld .................... 17 2. The Service at the Cemetery ............................................. 18 Committal Services .............................................. 19 3. The Gathering in the Fellowship Hall ...................................... 20 III SPECIAL SITUATIONS AND NEEDS .......................................... 21 The Funeral of a Child .................................................... 21 In Good Hands: A Letter to Stephanie Rose, reflections by Benno Klassen ....... 21 Stillbirths and Miscarriages ............................................... 23 And a Little Child Shall Lead Them, a meditation by Walter Franz . 24 Cross-Cultural Funerals .................................................. 25 When the Deceased is of Chinese or Vietnamese Background ................. 26 When the Deceased is of Laotian Background ............................. 26 When the Deceased is of Hispanic Background ............................. 27 When the Deceased is Aboriginal ....................................... 28 When the Deceased has Committed Suicide ................................... 29 Some Facts About the Causes and Frequency of Suicides ..................... 30 Suggestions for Survivors of Suicides, by Iris M. Bolton ..................... 31 Meditation for Bob, “A Rambling Man,” by Karen Heidebrecht Thiessen ........ 32 When the Deceased Person was Not a Believer ................................. 33 Life’s Journey, a poem by Anne Warkentin .................................... 34 IV OTHER DEATH AND DYING ISSUES IN OUR CULTURE ........................ 35 Should it be a Memorial Service or a Funeral? ................................. 35 What About the Casket? ................................................. 35 Is Cremation an Option? .................................................. 35 Frequently Asked Questions About Cremation ............................. 36 V WHAT ELSE CAN A CONGREGATION DO? ................................... 39 Do Not Forget Those Who are Grieving ...................................... 39 Arrange Services of Remembering and Healing ................................ 39 Memorial Sunday (Eternity Sunday, Totensonntag) ......................... 39 “Blue Christmas” .................................................... 41 Organize a Community-wide Memorial Service ............................ 43 Educate the Congregation about Death and Dying .............................. 43 Encourage Special Support Groups .......................................... 43 Consider Building a Columbarium ........................................... 44 Urge Members to be Prepared .............................................. 44 VI BEING PREPARED ......................................................... 45 Outline of Estate Planning Guide by Mennonite Foundation of Canada ............. 47 VII FORMS AND OTHER RESOURCES ........................................... 48 Funeral/Memorial Service Preparation Form .................................. 49 An Invitation to Record Your Wishes Concerning Funeral Plans ................... 51 A Personal Data Form .................................................... 53 A Step-by-Step Guide to Planning a Christian Funeral .......................... 54 A Living Will Declaration ................................................. 58 Personal Record of Will/Papers/Documents ................................... 59 Directions for a Handmade Casket ........................................... 61 Books, Videos and Web Sites ............................................... 63 Materials Available from Resource Centres and Libraries ........................ 67 Mennonite Church Canada Resource Centre, Winnipeg, MB ................. 67 Mennonite and Brethren in Christ Centre, Kitchener, ON .................... 69 Columbia Bible College Library, Abbotsford, BC .......................... 71 Foreword Among the many books and resources on your shelves, I hope this is one you'll reach for often. Not because there are so many dying persons to minister to and funerals to conduct, but because it's a useful tool! That was the vision and hope of the planners, and is our hope as we share these materials with you. For some years, Canadian Mennonite Bible College (now part of Canadian Mennonite University) has hosted an annual continuing education event called "Special Courses." In 2000 those courses focussed on "Weddings and Funerals." The planning committee (which included representation from CMBC, the Council on Faith and Life, and the Leadership Commission of Mennonite Church Canada, with financial assistance from the Resources Commission) programmed an event that would not only probe the theme in theory, but also produce some useful material to take home. The result of that endeavour, fittingly titled Going Gracefully, is the first of an anticipated series of resources to help pastors fulfill their priestly role. A companion piece on weddings is in preparation. The Leadership and Resources Commissions of MC Canada are pleased to offer this material for your use. (You will also find it online on the Mennonite Church Canada web site at www.mennonitechurch.ca) This resource is not intended to replace, or duplicate, the Minister’s Manual or other collections of worship materials. It is offered, rather, as a tool that can be updated and duplicated for personal or educational use as and when needed. We welcome your contributions of content that would enhance this resource further! Special thanks to Larry Kehler who compiled and edited this collection, to Edwin Epp, Rosalie Loeppky and Marvin Koop who planned the funerals portion of the event, wrote some of the materials, and later served as a reference committee, and to Allan Rudy-Froese who assisted in the entire process as chair of the Council on Faith and Life. Lynette Wiebe provided technical and design expertise. Henry Paetkau Conference Minister -1- Going Gracefully A resource collection on dying, death, funerals and grief for pastors and caregivers in the church This is a sampling of materials and background information to provide guidance on how to walk with persons who are dying or grieving, and to deal with other matters related to death and dying. Why this Resource Collection? We are all mortal beings. Just as surely as we were born, we will die. This has not changed since the beginning of time, but the milieu in which dying and death occurs in our church communities across Canada has been changing, and it will continue to change. Our churches are becoming more cross-cultural in make-up; more and more of our members are now living in urban areas and family members are scattered across the country and around the world; and we are experiencing a rapid increase in the number of people who are choosing cremation. These are just a few of the shifts that are occurring. Mennonite Church Canada and Mennonite Church USA have some excellent materials available on issues related to death and dying. The minister’s manuals prepared by Dorothea and Heinz Janzen in 1983 and by John Rempel in 1998, for example, are very helpful guides. Other very good materials have also been produced recently by other church agencies and by congregations. This Resource Collection is not intended to replace but to supplement and to draw attention to these resources and to provide additional materials and background information. Attention will also be drawn to books, articles, web sites, videos and other materials which might be helpful to pastors and other caregivers, as well as to individuals and families, as they face the issue of dying and death. This Resource Collection contains a broad range of items, all the way from theological comments and sample meditations, to practical counsel on preparing for death and the commemorative services, to poems
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