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Ashland Theological Seminary Marriage: the Impact of Using an Eight-Week Study on Communication and Conflict Resolution to Move

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Ashland Theological Seminary Marriage: the Impact of Using an Eight-Week Study on Communication and Conflict Resolution to Move ASHLAND THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY MARRIAGE: THE IMPACT OF USING AN EIGHT-WEEK STUDY ON COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION TO MOVE SELECT COUPLES FROM CONFLICT TO FORGIVENESS A DISSERTATION SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF ASHLAND THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY IN CANDIDACY FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF MINISTRY BY CYNTHIA E. AARON WOODS ASHLAND, OHIO MARCH 3, 2021 Copyright © 2021, by Cynthia E. Aaron Woods All rights reserved To Minister Reginald Woods, I’ll see you again What Greater Thing What greater thing is there for two human souls? than to feel that they are joined for life- to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories ... George Eliot APPROVAL PAGE Accepted by the faculty and the final demonstration examining committee of Ashland Theological Seminary, Ashland, Ohio, in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Doctor of Ministry degree. _________________________________ ___________________ Academic Advisor Date _________________________________ ___________________ Director of the Doctor of Ministry Program Date ABSTRACT The purpose of this project was to impact Christian married couples from Foundational Counseling Services through participation in an eight-week study on communication, conflict resolution and forgiveness. The project included quantitative and qualitative pre-test, post-test design that assessed knowledge, cooperation, and the importance of unity in the participants’ marriage. The pre- test assessment showed participants had a genuine desire to resolve conflict in their marriage but with little application of Biblical principles and values within the marriage. Upon completing the eight-week experience, the post-test assessment demonstrated that participants exhibited understanding of the importance in resolving conflict to develop forgiveness and unity. CONTENTS LIST OF TABLES ……………………………………………………… viii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ……………………………………………… ix Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION AND PROJECT OVERVIEW ………. 1 2. BIBLICAL, THEOLOGICAL, AND HISTORICAL FOUNDATIONS …………………………………………… 18 3. REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE ………………………... 58 4. DESIGN, PROCEDURE, AND ASSESSMENT………... 89 5. REPORTING THE RESULTS …………………………… 105 6. SUMMARY AND REFLECTIONS ………………………. 125 Appendix 1. PROPOSAL ………………………………………………. 151 2. PERMISSION PAGE ….…………………...................... 178 3. ASSESSMENT TOOL …………………………………… 179 4. MARITAL HANDOUTS …………………….……………. 184 REFERENCES ………………………………………………………. 187 vii TABLES Table Page 1. Table 1. Goal #1 Understanding the Importance of Cooperation in…. 107 Resolving Conflict Table 1a. Goal #1: Understanding the Importance of Cooperation…….109 in Resolving Conflict 2. Table 2. Goal #5 Ability to Value Their Spouse’s Point of View……..…110 3. Table 3. Goal #6 Ability to Respect Their Spouse ………………...........112 4. Table 4. Goal #2 Communicate More Effectively Their Needs in the….114 Marriage Table 4a. Goal 2 Communicate More Effectively Their Needs in the….116 Marriage 5. Table 5. Goal #4 Ability to Forgive Their Spouse ………………….…… 118 Table 5a. Ability to Forgive Their Spouse…………………………………120 6. Table 6. Goal #3 Understanding of Values of the Biblical Aspect of……122 Marriage viii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This project and paper have had critical contributions from many minds and hearts. I am extremely grateful to those mentioned below and more. To Dr. Terry Wardle whose teaching and counsel formed the specific foundations of this project. Your shared experiences and affirmation that this tool would make a difference in the Kingdom sustained me through many challenges. To the faculty at Ashland Theological Seminary and Dr. Dawn Morton for your guidance and expertise in the writing process, especially Dr. Jerrolynn Johnson for your encouragement, that endowed me with strength and confidence. To Dr. Matthew Bevere who was instrumental in understanding my vision for the project and the guidance he provided in structuring it. To Dr. Jacquelyne Bailey who advised, and encouraged me in this project. To Katurah Johnson whose teaching skills guided me in this project. To Rev. Dr. A.L. Owens who opened his library of resources to me. To Rev. Dr. Benjamin Franklin who was a fountain of encouragement. To my family and friends, who believed I would accomplish this. To God, I could not have done this without your precious Spirit. Please accept this as an offering for use in furthering Your Kingdom. May it be pleasing in Your sight. ix CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION AND PROJECT OVERVIEW One evening at dusk my husband and I were walking in the park talking about life and enjoying nature as God created it. It was just before nightfall on a warm summer evening. The full trees hosted many birds. We found a pier by the pond and sat with our feet dangling from the edge as the fish swam by. We began to talk about marriage and how the Lord has blessed us and planted us in various situations to help other married couples work through the difficult times in their marriage. We realized helping other couples was part of our ministry. The conversation changed to my doctoral program at Ashland and the subject of selecting a project for my dissertation. I wanted it to be something meaningful to me; either related to counseling or ministry. Suddenly my husband suggested why not do my project on marriage. He reminded me of the experience I have in that area working with couples as well as our own marriage. I felt such a sense of peace about using marriage as my project and gratefulness for my husband’s suggestion. Since writing the proposal a few changes have taken place. The first change required me to move the project for married couples from the church I attended, Second Ebenezer Missionary Baptist Church to my private practice, Foundational Counseling Services. The move allowed me greater access to married couples who were experiencing communication problems and conflict in their marriages along with other issues. Instead of having the couples collectively 1 in a group setting, allowing for transparency and respecting privacy I was able to have them participate individually in couple sessions. Another change that took place was the death of several family members. These losses affected the progress of the project during my grieving period. First was my oldest brother Mark S. Aaron who passed away on September 18, 2017. Two months after that the Lord called the love of my life, my husband, Minister William Reginald Woods home on November 15, 2017. Three years later my last living brother Walter Michael Aaron on June 26, 2020. Purpose Statement and Research Question The purpose of this project was to impact the ability of married couples to move from conflict to forgiveness through a Formational Counseling experience at Foundational Counseling Services in Bedford Heights, Ohio. The research question was; What is the impact on the ability of married couples to move from conflict to forgiveness through a Formational Counseling experience at Foundational Counseling Services in Bedford Heights, Ohio? Overview This project took place at Foundational Counseling Services, LLC. Its goal is to assist Christian married couples with the problems that occur in their marriage. The areas of focus included the following topics: to increase awareness in communication by identifying negative communication styles, how to improve them, conflict resolutions, and forgiveness. The project purpose was to impact the ability of married couples to move from conflict to forgiveness in marriage. Seven Christian married couples met individually for eight weeks and 2 participated in a two-hour weekly session consisting of the following components; spiritual, teaching and experiential. The spiritual component consisted of what God says about marriage biblically and theologically using scriptures based on the foundational scriptures for marriage found in Genesis 2:18, 21-24 Christ and His Bride the Church Ephesians 5:21-33, and love represented by 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. The scriptures used will be from the New International Version unless otherwise noted. The teaching component consisted of improving communication styles and how to resolve conflict. The experiential learning component involved reflecting on the exercises as they practiced them. Foundations I have learned even in a healthy marriage built on godly principles; conflict exists. It is a natural occurring aspect of relationships. Everything in marriage is not all positive or all negative. There should be a balance which brings married couples closer when they have disagreements, yet are able to resolve them and move past them. Any relationship whether parents, siblings, friends and romantic relationships will experience conflict at some point in the relationship. I was married previously in an unhealthy relationship where God was not honored in the marriage, resulting in principles and values being compromised. Recognizing after thirteen years things were not getting better without Christ in my life things finally ended. I made a vow to the Lord, “If you get me out of this Lord, I will serve you for the rest of my life.” He did and I have served him for the past twenty-five years. 3 I have experienced fifteen years in a previous marriage, and twenty-one years in a loving marriage with godly principles, honoring Jesus Christ. It is ironic that the Lord would speak to my husband to let me know marriage is the subject for my project. I always knew I would be in the helping profession. In my counseling practice I have been helping couples in their relationship for over thirteen years. There is a desire for couples to try and repair what is broken in their marriages and try and stay together. When the work begins it is difficult for the couples to let go of their own motives and agendas; however, this is necessary for change to take place. Personally, this journey has taught me how to trust and see the Lord in all aspects of my life and to increase my awareness of His presence. As I continue to grow spiritually, I want to mature in the area of being more Christ centered and less self-centered.
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