‘OO H- TOURJA!’ BIBLE 2010 ASSEMBLE! SCHNEL! SCHNEL!
If you are reading this, then you are one of the lucky 500 who managed to secure a place on this year’s grand tour to Austria. As you may have heard, sold out within 1 minute, 47 seconds (cough). This week will bring you both pleasure and painful embarrassment, that you never thought possible! However, do not fear WarwickSnow will be there to hold your hand and your hair back. You will feel as safe and secure as if you were in Fritzl’s basement. Now sit back USEFUL INFO... and have a read of this, your glorious tour bible for Xmas tour 2010! This little booklet holds all you need to know for the week ahead! WELCOME TO MAYRHOFEN!
We love this town and we’re sure you will too! Outgoing host Snowbombing here and many student trips every year. For this reason we ask you to show your respect for both the environment & to the property you are staying in – many of these are lived in by the owners and their children and are homes for them.
On the mountain we support the ‘leave no trace’ ethic espoused by Tibetan Buddhists and the World’s best riders. Put very simply it means leaving a place the same as it was before you came: no litter, cigarette butts or mess. Please use the bins provided on the high street. When on the mountain, be aware that a discarded cigarette butt or chewing gum thrown from a chairlift will not breakdown when the snow melts and could be swallowed by grazing cattle and choke them.
On a lighter note... we hope you have an amazing time! Here are some useful numbers and bits of info for you.
Accom & Keys: You will generally be provided with 1 key per room when you check in. This is very normal and no further keys will be available. DO NOT LOSE YOUR KEYS! To replace means changing the lock which could cost €200! AUSTRIA TWINS - “IT SEEMS LIKE THERE AREN’T ENOUGH BEDS” This is one of the MOST common questions we are asked on check-in day!! All rooms that are supplied in Austrian hotels and apartments have Austrian twin beds. These are beds that have two mattresses with two duvets on a double base which cannot be split. When you first look at them they appear to be double beds...
Rental Equipment advice: Pre-purchased equipment can picked up from the rental shop. Your name will be down on a list, please state your name to the rep and then you will get sorted. Remember to return your equipment after you have finished! The hire shop may require a swipe of your credit card as a security deposit. If you don’t have one, you may need to leave your passport instead. If you have any issues with your equipment then please ask the shop to exchange or service your equipment.
Dialling from within Austria: 0044 (0)7977 424636 USEFUL INFO... Telephone code UK-Austria: 00 43 Telephone code Austria-UK: 00 44 (Drop the 0 from the front of the UK STD dialling code) Pharmacy (Steinbock Apotheke) 05 28 56 23 13 Mon – Fri 0800 – 1230 & 1430 – 1830; Sat 0800 – 1200 Mountain Rescue (Bergrettung) 140 Fire Service (Feuerwehr) 122 Ambulance (Rettung) 144 Police (Gendarmerie) 133 International Emergency Services 211 Dr Wilfred Schneidinger 05 28 56 31 24 Dr Kathrina Gredler 05 28 56 22 50 Dr Armin Zumtobel 05 28 56 20 54 Hospital (Bezirkskrankenhaus SCHWAZ) 05 24 26 00 Hostpital (Universitatsklinik INNSBRUCK) 05 12 504 THE WEEK...
SATURDAY
Wilkommmen & Wunderbra to Mayrhofen and the Warwick Snow ‘Ooh Ja!’ Tour 2010! You will arrive outside the Hotel Strass which will be the meeting point and main ‘hub’ for your wintry exploits this week. From here you will collect your lift passes, room keys, meal vouchers and data cards and then toddle off to your accommodation wherever that may be. Then, for those who have got hire you can head to Wegscheider for Ski hire. For the less crotch-hugging attire wearing ‘gnarly dude!’ boarders amongst you; head to MoreBoards to pick up your hire.
8.30pm Welcome meeting in the Arena Nightclub, next door to the Strass Sports Bar. Come down for a brief meeting to introduce you to the resort, your lovely reps and what’s going on and where to find it. Please make sure you are here promptly at 8.30pm as you may miss important information!
Evening: Make your mark on Mayrhofen by busting out some moves down in the Arena to the mesmeric beats of our very own Gaz Morris and then, all the way from Innsbruck: DJ Daniel Plattner.
SUNDAY
Ahhh... the day of rest. But not for you lot! Dust off those one pieces, shake away that hangover and heat up those ski boots for your first day on the slopes.
Ride with Reps: Meet the reps at the top of the Penken lift from 1pm to go for a bit of a ski with those who know the resort best. Hannah Tucker will be leading the way... she did work for the ski school after all!
Evening: We like to call this ‘resort bar orientation’ but we’re sure you get the grasp of what we mean... This is where we explore the delights of the fine establishments in the town. The theme of the night is Rubik’s Cube so dress accordingly... You will start the night at different checkpoints and complete the circuit of bars: - Strass Bar and Grill - Mo’s - Funky’s - The Rockstar Palace - And finally end up in the Arena to be greeted by DJ Stocky who will keep you bouncing til the early hours. That is... if the Schnapps hasn’t got you yet! - Fancy Dress: Rubik’s Cube MONDAY
Day: Ski
Evening: Back Country Party Night 1 THE WEEK... Meet outside Hotel Strass / Ice Bar to board buses at 6pm. Make sure you have your Voucher/ or Data card with you as you will not be allowed to board without them Ensure you wear appropriate clothing and footwear (bring hats, gloves, strong walking boots {no heels!} - snowboard boots are ideal) Coaches MUST leave at 6pm in order to catch the tunnel opening slot. Don’t Be Late! Back in resort for 23:00
*N.B. The coach WILL depart at 7pm as the tunnel is one way and the coach is booked in for that time only.
TUESDAY
Day: The Valley Rally....
Hold on to your knickers chaps, this one’s exciting. Or don’t hold on if you like. This is the day when the Warwick Snow army assemble on the piste and battle their way through 5 checkpoints set on the mountain to gain points for the tasks set. Judged by the reps at each checkpoint, you won’t know what we have in store until you get there so... BE PREPARED!!
Evening: Back Country Party Night 2 *See Monday: Meet at the Strass at 6pm. Don’t be late!
WEDNESDAY
Day: King of The Mountain 12.30pm
This is it....The Big one... It’s fairly simple; everyone stands in a line at the top of the lift 10 metres away from their skis/boards and poles. We shout ‘Go’, you have to run forward, slam on your gear and get to the bottom of the piste the first. If you’re competitive, it’s not for the faint hearted, if you want a bit of fun and race your mates... it’s awesome. Sign up closes at 10am at the Strass Reception on Tuesday.
Race Day 1.30pm: It starts at 1.30pm sharp, so be there or be late! Teams of 5 (must include at least 1 girly racer) will meet at the top of the Penken lift and head to the race piste. Here they will battle it out to earn the title of ‘Best Posse on the Piste’. Sign up closes Tueday at the Strass Reception.
Evening: After a long, hard day of racing there’s nothing better than relaxing.... WITH A 2€ Party! Meet at the Rockstar Palace below Funky’s for shome cheap drinks and some banging beats... shake off that missed gate with a jagerbomb or two and be safe in the knowledge that you were ‘the faster racer’ and were just ‘unlucky’. Fancy Dress: Pirates -VS- Ninjas THURSDAY
Day: Ski
Evening: Closing Party with SubFocus and MC I.D.
This is it... Your final night in resort. And we have laid on the finest talent just for you. Show the Arena what you are made of and take those amazing memories of the Tour home with you with the soundtrack from this night. Fancy Dress: “ You wouldn’t start a night like this”
SUNDAY
Day: Leave ALL LUGGAGE in The Arena apart from your things for the day. Ski or go take in the sights and shops of Mayrhofen
4pm: Arrive at The Arena to pick up luggage ready to leave the resort
Meet Outside The Strass
Depart resort 5pm
ARTIST BIOS
Daniel Plattner Bobbing across from Innsbruck... he can’t resist a party! Daniel played at Snowbombing last year and threw down a massive minimal electro and house set that worked everyone up into a dancefloor destroying frenzy.
Gaz Morris Flown in directly from Barcelona, just to play at the WarwickSnow trip... and to rep. Gaz used to be the IT whizz for Outgoing but decided the sunny climate suited him better than a wet and rainy Manchester. Fair enough really! When he’s not tearing up the mountain you’ll see him playing some of the finest drum n’ bass this side of the patatas bravas
Audio Criminals Charlie Hargrave and Ciaran Perucca. WarwickSnow’s beat freak elite. Fresh from reducing a 1800 person crowd to a sweaty uncontrollable frenzy at BUDS 2010 they are here to lay down some tracks that will have you tearing at the crowd control barriers.
SubFocus & MC I.D A stalwart of Andy C’s Ram Records label and the most prolific DNB producer of the last 12 months, SUB FOCUS is coming to Mayrhofen exclusive for this week for the Warwick Snow ‘Ooh-Ja!’ Tour. Having released chart ripping tunes Rock it & Could this be real, he’s been gaining further notoriety for his remixes of The Prodigy, Deadmau5, Empire of the Sun and Dizzee Rascal. What a way to end the Week. YOU MUST OBEY ZI RULES! So, you’re on tour...bit scared, not sure how to behave? Well follow these rules & regulations and you’ll be fine...
No explaining rules (they’re all Drunk dancing is encouraged No drinking your own piss #1 in here). #15 and should be done with no style #29 or puke. or finesse. No sleeping on tour. #2 If you see a onsie, you must take Any exec found without a drink #16 all risk to lick it, and then scream #30 in their hand must be taken to Vomiting, whilst encouraged, out the flavour. the bar and made to slot. #3 should not be done on anyone else. Vom dragon must also be Always use protection, crisp You have the right to make any deployed. #17 packets and elastic bands will #31 non-student, member of the suffice. general public slot whenever and wherever. #4 No sex on the bus, unless Port-to-port. everyone including the drivers is #18 Anyone attempting to ‘GO BIG’ first invited to join in. #32 must be given heaps of respect No blading on tour. no matter where or how they Balls on sleepers. #19 land. #5 If you find Kieran on a night out, No breaking bones. Eating is cheating. #33 #6 #20 he has to buy you 4 drinks on the club. NO COMAS! No pooing on the bus (It’s a long No nakedness within 10m of #34 #7 bus journey and the toilet blocks #21 children. quickly! You have been warned!) Social secs word is final. No race poles, race skis or lycra. #35 After doing the deed, be polite #22 WE ARE NOT LUFFBRA. #8 and get the man/girls’ number. Do not argue with the Polizei, No toilet paper. #36 No shaving on tour (ladies #23 they are no gendarmes, but will #9 excused). still fuck you up. #24 No onesies, apart from on #10 If you get told to “TELL HER” you valley rally. Upon the shout of ‘GRENADE’ damn right bloody tell her. No #37 every member of WarwickSnow matter how harsh. #25 If branded “gays on trays” by must hit the ground. Last mem- a skier, a boarder may respond ber down will be made to slot. #11 Anyone who has ever been to, with “pricks with sticks”, and driven through, driven past, vice versa. No fresher or tour virgin can thought about luffbra is in a #38 start any chants or commence world of shit No cutting your hair on tour, ‘HORSE’ or ‘MY OLD MAN’. If #26 you’ll end looking like a prick they do, pelt them with rocks. #12 No bum sex. (Hurel). If an exec member enters your Anyone not found to be joining #39 room without knocking they #13 No snogging exec (sorry nat). #27 in with chants and songs will must be made to slot. be made a spectacle of as they slot their beverage in front of An effort must always be made everyone. Naked. No snogging or shagging reps. #14 to cut up ski schools, especially #40 if they are in the park. Make If unable to slot your beverage, them bleed. #28 you must step up and redeem RULES ARE MADE TO yourself by longarming or you #41 “eye or die” it. No excuses. BE BROKEN!!! YOUR EXEC’S
NICK HARPUR ROSS (LOVES) HISCOCK
Position: President Position: Vice President Experience: 5 tours, 2 BUDS Experience: 4 tours, 4 Subject: Engineering – top BUDS gear. Subject: Something to do Instrument: Skis. with business Tache Type: Stalin...our very Instrument: Board own snowy dictator Tache Type: Mutton Nickname: Number 3, Big Chops, because he’d look man H-dawg, Number 1 fucking ridiculous with a moustache BIO: Nickname: Whosecock, Nick is one of our most talented Ron, Fat Tom skiers, and drinkers. He has the ability to stand no matter how BIO: drunk he may be! A huge shark Your all singing, all dancing, vice with an intriguing conversion pres. Ross is a veteran tourer, rate...He also has the ability to this man is the last of the old perform a cost analysis, deciding guard. Last year in Val T he that staying in a fresher’s bed and managed to pass out by about bussing it home the next morning 4 everyday, which has probably was definitely cheaper than getting helped him along the road a taxi back home. He impressively to becoming another chronic walked 4 miles across Edinburgh sufferer of WarwickSnow’s with the vice pres of Exeter in floppy cock syndrome. If you’re another pathetic attempt to get ever wondering about people’s his willy wet. He is also the most sex techniques, just approach accident prone of WarwickSnow him and he’ll go into the warriors, with a now bionic finger deepest, darkest explanation (it’s amazing how he gets to 2nd about how “she got up, turned base), and dislocating his shoulder around, squatted...”, We’ll let on an inspection trip to Austria. you fill in the rest. How the hell he is still alive and kicking ASK ABOUT: after all these years with His finger WarwickSnow we will never Deep pow know! His prophets ASK ABOUT: Anything German DON’T ASK ABOUT: Anchorman How much better Cosmo is Buds Circle at being race captain than he was DON’T ASK ABOUT:
A certain pair of race skis.... His Moobs His past social sec His floppy willy COSMO MARCH SOPHIE GOWING
Position: Ski Captain Position: Board Captain Experience: 2 tours, 2 Experience: 2 tours, 2 BUDS BUDS Subject: PPE – it really Subject: CAS – turns him on Comparative Anal Studies Instrument: Really gay Instrument: Board race skis Tache Type: A pie can’t Tache Type: Bum fluff. have a tache. Nicknames: None cos his Nicknames: Pie face, name’s a joke. The Cuddler, The Sexless BIO: Innkeeper This year’s ski captain has pushed the ski team to a new BIO: level of awesomeness, trying to The first lady of WarwickSnow turn us into his idols, luffrba $no. to experience first hand He achieved the unthinkable WarwickSnow Floppy Cock this term, for the first time this Syndrome (WSFCS). This pathetic excuse for a German year, Sophie has unleashed managed to down a pint (albeit her inner shark....But don’t of eliminator). He also has the fear, this snow lady always incredible ability to be sucked keeps her pyjamas on, to the into a long term relationship disappointment of many males. over the course of a single bus She adores a good cupcake, journey. After his horrendous so buy her one and you will be claim on Christmas tour that he had never been sick from friends for life. She has also alcohol, he was helped by his fallen prey to accidents, as she loyal friends, and proceeded pretty much knocked herself to roll around in the snow out by falling off a table during - balls out - and was the proud après in Val T, and by drunkenly recipient of a golden shower. losing a chunk of her knee while boarding in Edinburgh. ASK ABOUT: Mess. Cat German words ASK ABOUT: Ski wax Grinding on dance floors Her gash DON’T ASK ABOUT: Mayonnaise and ketchup Tory Jemima DON’T ASK ABOUT: Downing a real pint. Pyjamas Tim Harper & Frankie Marshall Squirell Cal BUSC guy COLVILLE NAT APPLETIZER
Position: Training & Experience: 4 tours, 1 Freestyle Captain BUDS Experience: 2 tours, 2 BUDS Subject: Engineering – For Subject: Engineering – it’s the cock actually a really hard Instrument: Skis subject Tache Type: Brazilian Instrument: Skis Nicknames: Shizer, Tache Type: Hobo Appleshit, Applehead Nicknames: Remy the Rat, Fat Bastard, Kevin BIO: Appletizer is the WarwickSnow BIO: team slut (Alys Cooke is team The main thing to note about tom slut 2). Fancy a bit on tour, well, is his likeness to a certain cartoon a 4 day relationship normally rat...However, once you have got gets you all the way with this over the shock the reality of him saucy minx. Under her watchful in real life is not much better! eye, she managed to lose a box Tom’s antics on both tours caused full of a million pounds (ish) dismay and disgust. The amount destined for our chosen charity. this boy can drink scares even She’s a bit of a lad, she owns your messy social secs. You may a toolbox (though it is pink), be surprised to know that Tom had and will always be bursting a 6 pack before Uni, so if you want to tell you about how sore her to see what a year and a half of vagina is from the previous WarwickSnow will do to you just nights escapades. She is one have a look at this fat bastard. impressive après-ist which Tom’s sexual exploits are some we learnt on Easter tour when for the history books. From being she managed to stay through recorded by Essex Dave as he till close every night! And after consummated his love on Xmas spend the night with some tour to receiving a rather teethy company, maybe in a bathroom, blowjob in a bush. maybe giving a BJ, maybe to a rep... ASK ABOUT: Relationship advice ASK ABOUT: Weight loss programs Januhairy Kebabs Giving Showers DON’T ASK ABOUT: DON’T ASK ABOUT: His shit skis Her secret love for Colville His shit boots
Coffee stirrers
His degree History of Art Harrison/BUS/BUDS BUSC guy
P.S Nat sorry we were hard pushed to find a pic of you without a guy. JOSH SMITH ALI CAMPBELL
Position: Media and Position: Merchandise WEBMASTER! Experience: 2 tours, 2 Experience: 4 tours, 1 BUDS BUDS Subject: History and Subject: Maths – 2+2= Politics – less of a big smashed deal than she makes out Instrument: Skis Instrument: (kids) Skis Tache Type: Handlebar, Tache Type: Hitler topped up with mascara Nicknames: Buzz, Hitler, Nicknames: Smash Adolf Smith, JohnSmith, Dweebfacenerdypants BIO: Ali is the reason that all of us BIO: have looked amazing this year, Christmas tour last year saw and have more WarwickSnow this man fall down the stairs and shit than you know what chunder everyyyywheeerreeee, to do with. She however but mainly on himself. And this nearly impaled Vicki when year has pretty much followed a disassembling a large pole, similar level of stupidity. You will but Marshall’s hefty mass got often see him about with rather in the way and saved the day. nice camera snapping away The race jackets this year look unsuspectingly, not that there’s bloody awesome, apart from any point because he’s a douche they are the wrong colour, and doesn’t put up the photos shape and style, but that’s for fucking months. He once had cool. Last year on tour while some fisticuffs with a mate on sporting a rather nazi-esque tour, and had a naked shower tache, she was harassed by a with him to make up, he’s nice German woman in the toilets, like that. In Edinburgh this year ever upholding WarwickSnow’s he managed to miss most of the integrity. The fact that she’s in City nightclub because he was chatted to outgoing more than so shitfaced, but its fine because our president proves her power he’s not in the ski team so didn’t hungry attitude! And Ali driving have to race the next day, bloody all the way down to Bristol to waste of space. pick up flyers a day before the event does not make you ASK ABOUT: a WarwickSnow warrior....A Staples WarwickSnow warrior WOULD How long it takes to put HAVE RAN! photos up Mascara ASK ABOUT: His jokes, he’s got some Race jackets crackers!! Hitler
DON’T ASK ABOUT: DON’T ASK ABOUT: His students Mugs Maths Brownies The last time he skied Her tonsils KIERAN HALE VICKI ROY
Position: Treasurer Position: Social Sec Experience: 2 tours, 2 BUDS Experience: 2 tours, 1 Subject: Money BUDS (shit commitment) Instrument: Board Subject: CAS - Completely Tache Type: He’s never Awesome Socials actually shaved Instrument: Skis Nicknames: Big Kieran, On Tache Type: Slim Lezza... The Club, KierON Nicknames: Roy, Butch, Vickiroy BIO: Big Kieran is the cuddly treasurer BIO: who looks after the clubs funds! Vicki is one of your lovely social However do not be fooled by this secs! She is here to ensure yorkshireman’s big grin and kind maximum consumption. Do not manner he is as debaucherous as think that this girl only dishes it all of us. On his anniversary with out, she has proven her worth to his girlfriend this year, he nipped snow over the last year! She can down the pub for a few pints with throw some idiotic shapes on his mates; he got smashed, went a dance floor, and is the proud to shades (classy) and only then, at inventor of chundersation, which 3am, did he think it worth seeing has only been seen once. It was his girlfriend. This same night, created when Vicki, with verbal he awoke and walked over to his diarrhoea, fell off her bunk bed girlfriend’s knicker drawer, and vomiting, then hunched double used it as a toilet (again classy). on the floor chundering whilst His skills are envied by many, trying to keep a conversation. as on both tours he managed to B E A UTIFUL! One of the lads only spend the grand total of 70 at heart, Vicky is here to make pounds, yet maintain a constant sure you make the biggest twat level of hoon. out of yourself possible and to ensure there is not one moment ASK ABOUT: on sobriety or decency for your On The Club whole tour! Hot chocolate The North ASK ABOUT: Chundering Husband Zone DON’T ASK ABOUT: Drinking Brum Union Shades DON’T ASK ABOUT:
His body hair Her height Adult size salopettes Her height MARSHALL
Position: Social Sec Experience: 2 tours, 2 BUDS Subject: Psychology – It’s a science, honest! Instrument: Skis Tache Type: Ron Burgundy....social sec rules. Nicknames: Floppy, Tom Hanks
BIO: Sam is a shambolic excuse of a human being. His sexual ventures have lead him in many interesting directions; last year he had to politely decline a finger up his arse, he fornicated in a bush, made a girl actually cry mid-sex, and is famously known for his issue with erectile dysfunction. Yet the heartbreaking fact remains that he has never experienced sober sex, or any sex at all this academic year (correct at time of print) – ladies, if any of you are desperate, pretty sure he will be willing to help you out. You can be assured that Sam will always be found chundering somewhere at the end of a hard night, as he will always see it through to the end. He also loves to gamble, choosing not to fill up the minibus on the way back from surf tour this year when passing a service station...but of course this didn’t pay off...
ASK ABOUT: His manhood His milkshake dance
DON’T ASK ABOUT: Sober sex His receding hairline TOUR BITCHES
CLARISSA RICH JOHN ‘TWATFACE’ HUREL
This big boobed black beauty Rich was president last is a WarwickSnow legend! year. A true legend of Knocking up a countless number WarwickSnow. of tours and horrific experiences Rich was president last year. A to go with them, she famously true legend of WarwickSnow. created a name for herself as a He’s been here for years, and This WarwickSnow legend is fresher, when she was found in will probably never leave, but here as your bitch. compromising spitroast position. this tour he will be no less So if you need your toilet Enough said about that really. mischievous as he will rise cleaning, food cooking or balls She loves a good round naked up naked and smashed like a waxing just give Jon a shout. master, so be prepared to see her skinned budgie from the ashes! This man’s commitment to snow pointy nips and exquisite breasts. Watch out for him and his cheesy is second to none. His obedience grin! And his fetish for cock or to rules including claim and bosh ball is legendary. Resulting in him Harrison is back from a year getting his hair cut during pre- in Germany. lash...my god did he look good... Bringing speed and glory to the not really, he looked like a twat. race team making us pretty HARRISON Jon is also the latest sufferer of much unbeatable. He has not lost WSFCS, but bringing morning any of his banter...he succeeded problems to the affliction....good on BUDS to go from driver to luck on tour mate! naked smashed out of his face in roughly ten minutes. With some grim photos of his cock and ball! We’ll leave you to guess which is which! If you see him about be sure to savy hello and he’ll entertain you! Just don’t ask him to do too much...he hasn’t got any ambition, Which one’s cock, Which ones ball? TOUR BITCHES SWAIN’S TOP TIPS FOR TOUR...
Ladies & Gentleman, we would like to introduce you to a legend of WarwickSnow! After deciding one degree was not enough, he came back for another! This will be Swain’s 11th tour and he still has another year left. So with all his infinite wisdom from many years of Warwick Snow outlasting any exec, we thurelt!
Wear fancy dress whenever and as often as Fuck it, no pants in Belgium either! #1 you can, even if it is socially unacceptable #6 (No Nazis). #7 What goes on Tour goes on Facebook. Sleep/shower when you are dead – Former #2 WarwickSnow warriors have gone days Mann dich auf (man up) without running water or a bed. #8 #9 No skiing on tour. I went a whole tour once #3 The first run of the day is the No. 1 cure for without even collecting my hire skis. It was a hangover. No. 2 is vomiting, often induced awesome. by No. 1. #10 Port-to-port baby! When vomiting, be sure to release the Vom #4 Dragon for a magical flight! (Ask older members about how to create this mythical winged beast)
No pants in France. This year it will likely only #5 be for 30km until we reach Belgium, so there is no excuse to wear underwear in France. At all. THE SERIOUS BIT...
BE PREPARED!
1. Always dress in layers, the temperature on the slope can fall below -20˚!
2. Always wear eye protection...White snow + sun= blindness....You could end up sleeping with tom..
3. Always have a hat!
4. Make sure you always take suncream out with you! You will burn..even if you don’t think you will!
5. Keep a piste map, but never use it.
Use sunscreen or you could end up getting a nickname such as redface! FOOL! FOLLOW THESE RULES: ON THE SLOPES
1. Never ski alone! 2. Stick to runs for your ability! Green = Very easy Blue = Easy Red = Medium (but hard for beginners!) Black = Hard
OFF PISTE DANGERS
Think of yourself as the next Kaj Zackrisson? Want to go hit that cliff or ski that big backcountry line? Well remember...
1. Never go off-piste alone!
2. If you insist...get a guide. They will know where it’s safe!
3. Just because there are tracks in the snow, it does NOT mean it’s safe to ski! Invest in a transceiver and a shovel. DANGERS IN RESORT 4. These will be available to hire in resort. We’re going to have the most epic week ever experienced by anyone! Just 5. Not all insurance policies cover off- remember these points so you don’t ruin piste skiing....If you’re not sure, assume it!! YOU DICK! it doesn’t! 1. Be quiet in the hotel after 10pm. The police will come and rape you.
2. You are not the only people in resort... be respectful moving in between pubs late at night!
3. You’ve paid a £50 deposit...if you want this back do not fuck your room up!
4. If you mess up communal areas, everyone loses some of their deposit... don’t be ‘that guy’. Doors should be left on hinges... Otherwise a hefty fine! IF THERE IS AN ACCIDENT
1. DO NOT move the injured person.
2. Mark the area with crossed skis.
3. Make a note of where you are and then send the most confident skier to the nearest lift station to ask for help.
4. Keep the injured person warm and calm.
5. All those involved or witness to the accident should remain until help arrives.
6. Call a member of the exec or ski patrol!
IF YOU DO GET INTO TROUBLE... Fear not your social secs have been kind enough to give you some useful German phrases:
Entschuldigung sie bitte? Haben sie vielleicht der Nummer eine schönes brodell in der Nähe? ‘Excuse me, do you have the number for an ambulance?’
Schau mal, ich habe gelbe schneevv gemacht! ‘Oh no, the snowpack is unstable here!’
Deine mutter hat haarige arschbacken! ‘My passport is in my room’
Oh nein! Wo hab ich meine Schnitzelmesser hingelegt? ‘Hello! Can you see my helmet anywhere?’ THE PANTZ AWARDS
Pantz awards are an institution of WarwickSnow, the winners forever remembered as the people who keep the name of WarwickSnow strong. The stories from previous winners span generations of snow warriors. Every night we will gather in a bar, having gathered the best stories and banter from the day and previous night. If you are not nominated once, you’re not doing it right! Previous victors include:
• Running out of condoms, so just using the same on again! • Shagging someone for 2 minutes....Trying again and doing even worse • Losing their way on the lifts ending up in the next valley and having to fork out 120 euros for a taxi...ripped off. • Deciding you don’t want two people to shag so removing the condom off an erect penis. • Being tied naked to a lamppost and being arrested by the Gendarmes • Having sex in the coldest and cheesiest place in the universe, the boot room (lancelot) • Completing centurion before even getting on the bus, then throwing up before Oxford. • Missing the bus to tour, and ending up catching a bus with another uni all the way to France. SING LOUD, SONGS SING PROUD...
THE SLOTTING LUFBRA THE RACE TEAM SONG RULE SONG
The most important song Lufbra rule, do they fuck, We don’t ski for fornication, that all snow warriors must All they do is wank and suck, We don’t ski for victory, learn!! With a nick nack paddy whack We just ski for masturbation, Giver your mum a bone, Warwick wanking men are we, Why was he born so beautiful? All you dickheads fuck off Warwick wankers, Why was he born at all? home. Warwick wankers, He’s no fucking use to anyone, Warwick wanking men are He’s no fucking use at all! Your old man, works for mine, weeee (Men are weeeee) He ought to be publically shat He fucked off when you were Warwick wanking men are we! on, nine, He ought to be fucking well With a nick nack paddy whack, shot! (BANG BANG!) Give your mum a bone, He ought to be tied to a whore Fuck off to your mobile home. I USED TO WORK house, IN CHICAGO So why’s he fucking well not! Poly scum, we are here, (Is he a bird?) We’ll employ your dad next I used to work in Chicago, the “DONT BE ABSURD!” year, (Is he a duck?) old department store, With a nick nack paddy whack, I used to work in Chicago, “IS HE FUCK!” Give your mum a bone, (What is he then!?) I don’t work anymore; “HE’S SUPERMAN!!” “A woman came into the store POLY SCUM CAN FUCK OFF one day asking for a Barbeque” HOME. Or alternatively..... A Barbeque from the store? We like to drink with ______, “A Barbeque she wanted, a spit cos _____ is our mate, he’s roast she got!” into fornication, and loves WARRICK, WE’RE I don’t work any more. to masturbate! Down in one, Continue with: WarwickSnow warrior! Down in THE WANKERS Ruler – twelve inches one, WarwickSnow warrior! Carpet- Shag Warwick, we’re the wankers, Jewellery – Pearl Necklace We’re the biggest drunks Liquor – Lick her I did in history, from the town of Floppy Disk – Hard Drive Warwick, we’re the leaders in Unwashed Mexican – Dirty DANGER CAN debauchery. Sanchez Help – AIDS Simple yet brilliant... Half minds, getting poisoned Scaffolding – Erection Take a can of lager, shake it through the years, watch us as Ham – Porked several times while chanting we down a lot of beers. Piano – My Organ “DANGER CAN, DANGER CAN, Warwick, we’re the wankers, Rubber - Rub her I did DANGER CAN”, then attempt we’re the leaders in Gun – Banged to smash it open on your debaucheryyyy Sea Cat – Wet Pussy forehead and slot the foamy Camel – Hump goodness. If you fail, pass it on. Pickle – Cucumber England Goalkeeper – Semen And any others until... Fuck she wanted, Fuck she got! Consumption GAMES
As you surely know by now, WarwickSnow are mighty fond of their drink, and tour is a great excuse to wreak havoc across the Alps in a constant state of intoxication. However, snow warriors rarely reach these dangerous levels of inebriation of their own accord, as they are aided along their way with both mischievous and disturbing ways of getting hooned, devised by devilish snow patriots. Before you lay a small collection of ideas to get you started!!! 20+1
WHATEVER HAPPENS, DON’T SAY “21”, or kiss goodbye to your beverage. Remember that and you’re half way there. First of all you start in the circle by saying to “to my right/left” and begin counting, around the circle up to 20+1.
Saying ONE number passes it to the next person, saying TWO adjacent numbers reverses the direction, and saying THREE skips a person. You cannot double a double or triple a triple, “everyone knows that!”. When 20+1 has been reached and a drink been slotted, the victim gets to ONE FAT FROG make up a new rule i.e. for multiples of 2 you say 4, for 10 you have to run around Go round the circle, stand and say (with in underwear, basically ANYTHING hand actions): One, Fat, Frog, Jumped, Into, The, Pond, Splash. Then continue with two people standing up: Two, Fat, Frogs..., then three people etc. ROMAN NUMERALS
Round the circle counting using roman numerals, replaced by German Pornstar expressions; I = Ooh Ja, V = Give it to me, X = Im nearly zer ! i.e. VII would be “give it to me, ooh ja, ooh ja!“. Gets tricky when intoxicated...
TOUCH THE CUP
A cup is placed in the middle of the table. Players take it in turn to try and bounce a coin off the table into the cup after nominating another player, if the coin goes in, the nominated player slots. If the coin misses, the coin tosser must add to the cup some of their beverage. If the coin “rims” the cup but doesn’t go in, the tosser may have another go, but if they SLAPS miss they themselves slot. Anyone begins this game by shouting, “WHAT’S THE NAME OF THE GAME!”, ~ You MUST say “touch the cup” before to which the circle respond “SLAPS!”, touching the cup. then first person shouts “WHAT ARE ~ you MUST NOT put the cup down WE GONNA DO!”, and everyone replies empty (donate from your own beverage if “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A REALLY NICE made to slot it) TIME” * ). The beginner then shouts one ~you MUST only pick up the coin from and indicates the direction by punching the table, never from another player. with their (opposite!) fist. Continue counting round circle until 10 is reached, then the 11th person can point at anyone of their choosing and shout “WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A REALLY NICE TIME” * ), this person then finishes their beverage, and anyone can begin the next round. Direction can be changed by anyone, ONE FAT FROG anytime. Do NOT punch direction for number 7, instead one arm is placed in the air above the other in front of your chest, pointing in opposite directions, the top arm then indicates the direction. Any accent/volume the beginner chooses must be copied for the duration of the round, i.e. they whisper, you whisper; they sing in a Scottish accent, you sing in a Scottish accent....you get the idea.
* See Exec for alternative version COMMANDER SAYS
The commander position is taken by fine- looking social sec, and the game begins. It begins with the chant, “Hands up high, hands down low, hands in the middle and away we go!”. The rules from that point on are pretty much simple, do what the commander says or be punished with two fingers; i.e. when you hear “commander says: stand up!” – you stand up, or “commander says: slap your face” – you slap your face. If the commander does NOT say “commander says” before an action, and you still do it, then you shall empty your beverage accordingly. Specials actions: “hands on your heads” – all stand up and shout back “HANDS ON YOUR HEADS”; “Tiger Woods” – you take a golf swing. Just be prepared to follow any ludicrous orders from the commander in this game!
WHAT THE FUCK
Everyone gets a “fuck” name, e.g. “sloppy fuck”(groups can be put together and have a group fuck name), then the circle will begin to clap in time. The chant is thrown back and forth across the circle, “Sloppy fuck, what the fuck, how about a lazy fuck”. And so it goes on until someone fucks up and consumes. FACE YOUR FEAR
Play and you gain respect, but look like a douche. 1.Find a floor, wall or surface (the harder the better). 2.Place hands behind your back and keep them there. 3.Psyche yourself up. Alot. 4.Face your fear and fall or head-butt forward without using your hands to stop yourself screaming “HOORRSSEEE!!!”. 5.Cry. 6.Bleed. 7.Call your mum. 8.Man the fuck up and continue co FUZZY DUCK
Pass left – “Fuzzy Duck” Pass Right – “Ducky Fuzz” Change direction – “Does he?”
BOSH
There is one more thing...
A game, neigh, a way of life, which you MUST learn. The game is BOSH! Upon the ‘recipient’ accepting a consumable from the ‘hander’ the game has started…
The ‘recipient’ must endeavor to announce his consumable safe prior to touching the item… In the case of failure to clear the consumable safe, the ‘hander’ or any observer can call BOSH…
BOSH signifies that the ‘recipient’ has accepted an unsafe item… For the ‘recipients’ own safety this item must be immediately consumed in one…
This game is never ending… RESORT GUIDE
This year we are heading to the Austrian resort of Mayrhofen. Here is a quick rundown of the places where you will spend the final pounds of your overdraft, dance through ‘till the early hours or showing a nipple for a free shot (not guys):
The Arena: Our main nightspot, located underneath the Strass Hotel (where we’re staying). The Sportsbar: Connects to the hotel. For some naked après! The Ice Bar: Conveniently located adjacent to the hotel, this is one of the rowdiest Apres bars in Mayrhofen. Points to whoever can tell me why there’s a polar bear on the sign! The Rockstar Palace: 2 Euros for anything on Wednesday. Get in! Sick nightspot, a 5 min walk from the hotel. Scotland Yard: Small seasonnaire bar in the style of an English Pub. Perfect for an après pint.
FUN & SPA HOTEL STRASS / BAR & GRILL Daily from 18.00 to 01.00 hrs Last Food Orders - 00.30 hrs
Student‘s Special Menü
00 Fresh Homemade Soup of the day with Baguette €3 01 KEBAB in a bread wrap with sauce salad & pickles €4 02 Wiener Schnitzel with Pommes frites €5 03 Chicken Nuggets with Pommes frites €4 04 Grilled Sausages with Pommes frites €5 05 Spaghetti Bolognese with Garlic Baguette €5 06 Penne Pomodoro with Tomato sauce €4 07 PIZZA Margarita – with Tomato & Mozzarella €4 08 PIZZA Verona – with Ham & Mushroom €5 09 Indian Chicken or Vegetable Curry with Rice €5 10 Choice of Ice Cream with/without Chocolate sauce €3 WE LOVE OUR SPONSORS...
... AND FINALLY
Right guys, there’s your tour bible for Mayrhofen 2010! Any more questions don’t hesitate to speak to an exec or bitch. Prepare for the messiest, snowiest and banter packed week of your uni lives! Enjoy! Roy & Marshall.