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Home , Bob Backlund, Brutus Beefcake, Jesse Joyce, Jim Duggan, Junkyard Dog, Nikolai Volkoff

the WWF legend has become renowned for His hilarious Twitter takedowns of celebrities Now, on the eve of the release of a documentary about his spectacular rise, fall, and come by Steven Leckart photographs by Gregory Miller

Says, “Go F Yourself!”**K

(F**k the Bieber!), rivals (F**k the !), and even countries (F**k the North Korea!). back, we went to ’s house to get to know the man behind the snarling mustache. Gilbert Gottfried; he’ll sign hundreds of One day the phone rang—Takhti was head shots and pose for photos at two being rushed to the hospital. When VIP meet-and-greets; he’ll shoot a spec Vaziri arrived, he was sent to the cem­ TV commercial for Bud Light in which etery. As Takhti’s body was washed on a he arm-wrestles a blonde actress in a stone altar, Vaziri stood there and wept. pizza parlor; he’ll film his final interview Takhti’s death was declared a suicide, for the documentary Iranian Legend: The but many suspected his democratic Iron Sheik Story, which premieres next leanings had put the wrestler in the month; he’ll storm Mayor Rob Ford’s of­ crosshairs of the SAVAK, Iran’s secret fice in and hijack a gaggle of TV police, who were infamous for torture news crews. Video of him insulting the and executions. “They tell me, ‘If you politician—“The man eats a cheeseburger don’t want to be like him,’ ” Vaziri and smokes crack!!!”—will go viral. recalls, “ ‘ don’t say nothing.’ ” Which brings us to the Sheik’s Twitter Vaziri hopped a plane to New York, “WAKE THE FUCK UP, JABRONI!” account. What started as a shits-and-gig­ then Minnesota, where the U.S. Olympic shouts . It’s lunchtime at gles experiment has introduced the Iron coach hired him as an assis­ his manager’s house in Toronto, and Sheik to an audience beyond wrestling. tant to the University of Minnesota team. the Sheik is working. We’re at a kitchen Today getting heckled by @the_Iron­ Vaziri spoke only Farsi. He learned table littered with plates of Persian food, sheik has become, in some strange way, Eng­lish by watching a pack of Camel Filters, four empty cans a testament to a celebrity’s relevance. No and Sesame Street. With Vaziri’s help, the of Coors Light, one bottle of Glenrothes one is off-limits. Nothing is sacred. Minnesota Amateur Wrestling Club won whisky, and a gold-plated microphone. “Adam Levine biggest douchebag three consecutive AAU championships. To the Sheik’s right, a twentysome­ cocksucker no good piece of shit…” In 1971 Vaziri himself won AAU gold; thing computer programmer adjusts the “Kim and Kanye get married same his medal was presented to him by Mu­ mike. To the Sheik’s left, Brutus “the excitement as dead dog get raped by hammad Ali. The following year Vaziri Barber” Beefcake, a 6'4" ex-wrestler, Michael Bolton sister” traveled to the Munich Olympics but passes the time rolling a joint and occa­­- “hello @MileyCyrus twerk my balls couldn’t compete: He had a green sionally interrupting the Sheik’s takes. or i break your neck” but not U.S. citizenship, so he sat on the The sound bites are being recorded With more than 360,000 followers, bench as an assistant coach. for a smartphone app called the Iron his comeback is pretty remarkable. Back in Minneapolis, Vaziri had been Sheik Alarm Clock. If you watched his “Save it for !” Jian says as the following the American Wrestling Asso­ merciless ringside rants in the 1980s or Sheik pours more whiskey. ciation on TV. “I say, ‘Wow, this is dif­ more recently heard his “You trying to insult the legend?!” ferent than my wrestling,’ ” says Vaziri. tirades on The Show, in barks the Sheik, unleashing a grin that “It look like entertainment.” Between person the Sheik is somehow even exposes his Chiclet-size chompers. “You coaching and working as a welder, he more deafening. A hefty, thick-necked think I can’t handle it?!” was broke. “I saw lot of professional 72-year-old with a heavy Middle Eastern “Just sip it,” pleads Jian, before telling wrestlers drive Cadillac,” he says. “And I accent, he speaks with a booming, me, “It’s gonna be a wild night. Fun for said, ‘Wow! I’m a real all-American gold syncopated cadence that suggests Sheik. Fun for fans. Crazy for us.” medal, and I don’t drive Cadillac.” he needs both anger management In 1973 Vaziri attended the AWA train­ training and a hearing aid. ing camp beside “Monday? FUCK THE MONDAY!” Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri future star Ric RIGHT “Good morning, YOU FUCKING left Iran because he feared he was going The Iron Sheik in Flair. Three years JABRONI!” to be murdered. In 1968 the 26-year- his Georgia den. later it all clicked. “Download my app OR GO FUCK old Vaziri was an Olympic hopeful be­ bel oW In pro wrestling YOURSELF!” ing mentored by Gholamreza Takhti, His early days in there are babyfaces Iran as a cham- These lines are fed to the Sheik by his the top dog in freestyle wrestling, Iran’s pion wrestler. (good guys) and managers, a pair of 34-year-old identi­ national sport. Takhti, a stout middle­ cal Persian twins named Page and Jian weight with a jet-black pompadour, had Magen, who have recently revitalized the won Olympic gold in 1956. Inspired by Sheik’s career. The app is their idea—as his hero, Vaziri would wake up at 4 a.m. is the Sheik’s trip to Toronto: In the span to run in the mountains near Tehran. of 96 hours, he’ll be honored/lambasted Eventually, he told himself, he too at two comedy roasts headlined by would be a champion. “Kim and Kanye get married same excitement as dead dog get raped by Michael Bolton sister.”

7 0 m a x i m • m a r c h 2 0 1 4

The IRON vs.SHEIK

Bob Backlund IRON TheSHEIK

vs. hulk hogan

a bo v e heels (bad guys). “I pay my dues and It cost me a star. And everywhere we go, they’re At the height of the “I want to be a million million dollars,” declares Vaziri, waiting,” Vaziri says of fans eager to Sheik’s career, WWF marketed him with villain,” Vaziri sitting beside a stack of Iron Sheik head party with the Sheik. “Sometimes I say trading cards like this. told his boss, shots and a Sharpie. no. Sometimes I say yes.” Can’t you just hear the angry fourth graders , the The “it” that cost him millions is May Ultimately it was wrestler Junkyard tearing them up as he legendary trainer 26, 1987—the day the Iron Sheik and Dog who introduced Vaziri to crack. battled and Hulk Hogan? and owner of his “nemesis,” Hacksaw , “He my friend. But he no perfect,” says AWA. Gagne’s wife were pulled over by a state Vaziri. He tried rehab again in 2000 suggested the name the Iron Sheik. He trooper. Never mind that they’d been and stayed sober for six months. shaved his head and grew the lustrous drinking a six-pack of St. Pauli Girl. Or By 2001 pro wrestling was in ruins. lip caterpillar he’s had ever since. that Duggan had five or six joints under McMahon had purchased WCW, his big­- Then in 1979 came the hostage crisis his seat. As Duggan recounts in his ­gest competitor, effectively seizing a in Iran. “It was just the right time to autobiography, the troopers found two monopoly. “When Vince had everybody establish my gimmick to be bad­ grams of in the Sheik’s “man- by the balls,” says Beefcake, “he began dest, baddest wrestler in the universe,” purse” and another gram in his wallet. squeezing the pay down more and says Vaziri. “I had the most heat of any The Sheik was arraigned. Duggan more.” (McMahon declined to comment.) human being!” While 52 Americans posted bond. Somehow they made it to “It’s the only job I’ve done my whole were held captive for 444 days, Vaziri their match, but it didn’t matter. Word life,” says Vaziri. “It’s hard to all of continued taunting crowds and flying was out: Wrestling, the bust revealed, is sudden give up or quit.” the Iranian flag. He rode the wave to so fake even fierce rivals party together. , where in 1983 WWF chairman Vince McMahon he defeated WWF champ Bob Backlund. fired them both. The Sheik picked up In 1982 four-year-old twins Four weeks later the Iron Sheik lost his a contract with the World Champion­ Page and Jian Magen were watching belt to an up-and-comer named Hulk ship Wrestling for a couple hundred wrestling when suddenly a man’s voice Hogan. “He was the springboard for thousand dollars—a fraction of his WWF swearing in Farsi startled their mom. Hulkamania,” says Hogan. “From his salary. His wife nearly left him. He at­- “That’s your daddy’s friend!” she face, his mustache, the boots, the tights tended rehab and cleaned up for a yelled. The boys’ father and Vaziri had that said Iran on them, the way he month before his old habits crept back. bonded when they were teen hopefuls; talked…everything was on the money.” Before coming to America, Vaziri their father was once Iran’s national As the Cold War heightened, so too was a devout Muslim who didn’t drink Ping-Pong champion. When Vaziri did the Sheik’s profile. Teamed with alcohol, let alone touch drugs. All that moved to America, they lost touch. “Russian” wrestler , the changed when he became a pro wrestler. Eventually the boys met the Iron Sheik would yell, “Iran No. 1! “The boys said, ‘Sheik, have one beer Sheik when he wrestled at Toronto’s No. 1! U.S.A.…” and spit. Crowds went with us.’ I try to be social,” recalls Vaziri. 16,485-capacity . ape-shit. Vaziri had transformed himself “If I didn’t become wrestler, I probably Backstage the Sheik introduced his into the most hated man in wrestling. didn’t have that problem.” “nephews” to his coworkers: Andre the There were Iron Sheik action figures, -T Sheik and the boys would wrestle 300 Giant! Macho Man! ! shirts, trading cards, and posters. Vaziri nights a year, and blowing off steam was From then on, whenever the Sheik enjoyed his fame. Maybe too much. the norm. “You’re a celebrity. You’re wrestled in Toronto, the twins attended.

7 2 m a x i m • M a r c h 2 0 1 4 Afterward he’d accompany them home, where their mother prepared a colossal “F**k you! I sell out Persian feast. Over the next four years, Sheik brought a rotating cast of dinner Madison Square Garden! guests to the Magens’, including Nikolai Don’t you tell Volkoff, Jake “the Snake” Roberts, and Greg “the Hammer” Valentine. me what I can do!” “We didn’t get that it was an act!” laughs Page. “This was a part of our her boyfriend. Vaziri was devastated. After we pull into the parking lot, national pride, which is also a mind- “He was in a dark place,” recalls Jian. an excited fan passes by and offers the fuck because the white kids are like, Then, in 2009, two things happened: legend a joint. Page forbids it. ‘Fuck him, he’s a murderer!’ ” 1. The Sheik quit hard drugs cold “Fuck you! I sell out Madison Square When their mom heard about the turkey. “I stopped the bad stuff. I’m not Garden! Don’t you tell me what I can Sheik’s arrest, she put her foot down. interested anymore,” explains Vaziri. do!” the Sheik yells, deadpan. “Don’t see him again!” she declared. 2. The twins created the Sheik’s Twit­ “You think Lady Gaga does that?! Or Fast-forward to 1998, when the brothers ter account, which has led to #team­ Jay Z?! You can’t do that!” Page protests. (then 19-year-old party promoters) spot­ sheikie T-shirts, mustache necklaces, and “Unbelievable!” shouts Sheik. ted a flyer for an independent wrestling baby onesies. For $30 he’ll verbally bash Sometimes it’s hard to tell where show. When the twins arrived, they anyone you want on Twitter. (The twins Vaziri ends and the Sheik begins. couldn’t believe their eyes. Inside a run- tweet for the Sheik. “He’s never turned “He just lives it, 24 hours a day,” says down bar, 86 people were watching the on a computer in his life!” says Jian.) Hogan. “He’ll work that gimmick till the Iron Sheik battle “He’s built like a Studebaker. He’ll go wheels fall off. It keeps him alive.” in a brawl as bloody as a scene from the for a long time, but not forever,” says Earlier that day, while Mickey Rourke film The Wrestler. Page. “I want to find a way to make the is taking a nap on the couch, Vaziri asks As the years passed, Vaziri’s physical Sheik live on. It’s got to live forever.” me to help him prep for the roast. He injuries started taking a toll. He self- grabs my arm, and we amble gingerly medicated. He appeared on The Jerry down the hall into Jian’s den, where the Springer Show, then joined Howard on my last evening with the Sheik sleeps on a blowup mattress. I hand Stern’s “,” where his uncen­ Iron Sheik, we all pile into a black Yukon Vaziri his black slacks: waist size 52. I sored rants made him a fan favorite. and drive to a 526-capacity bar in Ham­ guide his arms into the sleeves of a blue In 2006 the twins traveled to Vaziri’s ilton, Ontario, an hour southwest dress shirt, then a black sport coat. I home outside to work on a film of Toronto. The Sheik rides shotgun, drape two medals over his head—Vaziri’s about the Sheik. A few years prior one chastising our driver while the radio 1971 AAU gold and the Sheik’s 2005 WWE of his daughters had been murdered by blasts the Clash’s “Rock the Casbah.” Hall of Fame award—and then straighten his headdress. He takes out a toothbrush and vigorously brushes his mustache be­ fore twisting both ends with his fingers. Sheik Happens 1 “I love you forever, bubba,” he says. A (very) abridged history That night in Hamilton, 100 fans take of the Iron Sheik’s turns professing the same to Sheik. wrestling injuries. 2 “Tonight is the best night of my life. I got to meet you. You are a true legend,” 3 one wasted dude slurs. It’s heartwarm­ ing. That said, it’s also pleasing to watch 1. During Wrestle- Mania 1 at Madison the world’s greatest heel and Twitter Square Garden, Mike F-bomber get a taste of his own medicine Rotunda dropped Sheik onto the con- during both Canadian roasts. crete, giving him a “The Sheik’s life has been no fucking serious concussion. 5. At an early ’80s picnic. Don’t be fooled by that tablecloth match in Mexico, 4 5 2. “Mr. Wonderful” ripped on his head,” says Jesse Joyce, who knocked a bone out of the wrote Seth MacFarlane’s jokes for the out two of his teeth. Sheik’s finger. 85th Academy Awards. 3. Multiple disloca- 6. The Sheik has un- “He was gonna be the Ayatollah in tions of his shoulder, dergone multiple knee The Wrestler, but he snorted all his including one in surgeries thanks to life Japan, when Andre in the ring. lines,” teases comedian Mike Lawrence. the Giant sat on him. “We’re roasting him tonight and cre­ 7. In a tag-team 4. At a match in match that pitted the mating him together in a month,” smirks Seattle, Jimmy Iron Sheik and Sgt. Tony Hinchcliffe, staff writer for The “Superfly” Snuka Slaughter against 6 Roast of . leaped from the top Hulk Hogan and of a steel cage, land­- , Sheik retorts, enraged…but not upset. ing on the Sheik and Hogan slammed the “You can go FUCK YOURSELF!” he breaking five of his Sheik and jumped ribs. The Sheik was on his foot, breaking shouts, before turning to the crowd and left coughing up blood. four bones. smiling. “Gimme a HELL, YEAH!” 7

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