Recovering Creative Identity
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Recovering Creative Identity An inquiry into photo-dialogue Steve Marshall Ashridge Doctorate in Organisation Consulting Ashridge, Berkhamsted Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis Table of Contents Preface 1 Self Portrait at Computer 1 Preview 8 Chapter 1 14 Swamp man 14 And now? 15 Beginnings 16 Chapter 2 31 Showing 31 And now? 32 Empathy and Epistemology 33 I wouldn’t have started from here 45 Chapter 3 55 The Orchard 55 And now? 56 Connection and Difference 57 Stop stopping it 67 Yes, but 69 Chapter 4 74 Wet Ella 74 And now? 75 Look Closely 76 Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !i Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis Expanding the Circle 79 Reflecting on unease 85 Chapter 5 89 Skill, Artistry .... and Therapy? 89 And Now? 90 Tentative moves 91 This is not therapy 99 Cutting It 104 How Dare you Do That? 107 Progress Check 117 Chapter 6 121 Smug green man 121 And now? 122 Fellow Travellers 123 No-Man’s Land? 128 Chapter 7 140 Ghost Dad 140 And Now? 141 The Wood 142 You’re missing... 150 Visual Impro? 157 Another Picture 168 Chapter 8 172 A Snap Shot: Consultant as Witness 172 Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !ii Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis And now? 173 Being answerable 174 Chapter 9 186 Finding the frame 186 And now? 187 So, what do you think you are doing? 188 Looking at Global Telco 193 Reflexivity as Researcher/Photographer 197 Reconsidering ‘visual methods’ 199 Chapter 10 208 Unfolding Craft 208 And Now? 209 Courage Maybe 210 Chapter 11 229 Road: Andalucia 229 And now? 230 An unplanned ending 231 Patterns of creativity and restraint 235 Concluding Notes 237 Retrospective 244 Post Script 248 Bibliography 252 Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !iii Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !iv Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis Preface ! Self Portrait at Computer “One of the most important things I know about Steve is that he is a photographer...” 1 1 The remarks of my co-facilitator when we introduced each other during a ‘Team Effectiveness’ seminar at Nottingham University on 25 Sep 2009. Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !1 Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis My co-facilitator’s description took me by surprise. It was the first time that I had been referred to as photographer in perhaps 30 years and I felt an involuntary intake of breath before a wry smile of pride and acknowledgment found its way onto my face. Her words were an important marker in an extended period of personal transition that has continued throughout this doctoral process2, and previously, during my time on AMOC3. Yet I haven’t been appearing in my photographs. This seems to be a common trick for photographers shooting self- portraits; they appear in the reflections, in shadows or partially hidden by some piece of technical equipment. In my pictures I have shown up as a ghost, camouflaged in mud or exiting the frame, stage-left. But as you can see, I’m here now. It has taken a lot of time for me to feel it might be appropriate to be pictured in this way, but here I am, emerging from this doctoral process and, perhaps, even recreated by the experience. This has been a period where I have developed falteringly as a husband and father, given up the somewhat paradoxical security of a military career for ‘risky’ employment as a freelance Organisation Development consultant and coach. I have exchanged the London suburbs for a more peaceful and grounded rural lifestyle, undertaken this doctorate and tried to use my inquiry to develop a professional ‘niche’ that offers me the satisfaction of a very personal way of bringing my skills and knowing to clients. Yet I always find significant irony in my experience of frequently torrid personal change over a 7-year time-frame and the work I undertake with coaching clients where I might be asked to facilitate a similar process in half a dozen conversations over a few months. Alternatively, I might have the opportunity to design a group or team ‘event’ where I am commissioned to undertake similar magic in an enjoyable and pleasant few hours. And so here, perhaps, nestled within the optimism and grandiosity of conventional corporate change efforts, are the first clues of the context for this inquiry. 2 Ashridge Doctorate in Organisation Consulting (2006 - 2010) 3 Ashridge Masters in Organisation Consulting (2003 - 2005) Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !2 Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis As I have examined my practice, I have surfaced my dissatisfaction with the label of ‘organisation consulting’ as the focus for my work. Dissatisfaction, indeed, with the current state of both our organisations as well as how we often work with them. The simplistic question of “Why am I an organisation consultant if I don’t like organisations?” rises easily but, in reflecting on my tales of prickly discontent and dark moments of transition, I have discovered an alternative context which brings broader frames for my interventions. Frames which are supported by a different sense of knowing and being that I have sought to develop during the period of this inquiry. Indeed, as I have undertaken a process of personal change, I believe that I have found ways to influence the processes of organisation and change in a way that feels more coherent with the values that ground and support me. But as I write now, I notice how, internally at least, I am trying to justify myself; my values still feel at odds with working in whole hearted service of most organisations I encounter. (I also notice a familiar sense of maverick anger arising in me and suddenly I feel rather lonely.) As I begin to inhabit a new space as a consultant I recognise that my practice has shifted significantly. I am aware that defining consulting practice can be problematic; my ‘work’ is nested in a view of organisations as on-going conversations - thus my ‘output’ consists of shifts in the conversation or discourse which might prompt insight, illumination, change or breakthrough. In skilfully offering a particular quality of (my)self to the conversation I seek to presence difference in a way that is helpful to the group. And so, in parallel with this inquiry, my work is coming to life through themes of dialogue, action learning, ecology, expressive narrative and digital photography. I have found a space where I can feel at home, authentic, a place of ‘right work’. Indeed, the world seems be responding to me as I claim my place; I am now constantly busy, in fact, overly- busy and I often struggle to hold a balance. I joke that I either sleep for four hours or fourteen, as I swing between adrenaline-fuelled insomnia or various conditions of exhaustion. As I tap away on my keyboard I now check the clock and assume Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !3 Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis that my family are still asleep in bed. It is early on a Sunday morning but there are no noises below - all is well. Of course, there are other consequences of this often precarious and fragile lifestyle. In the early stages of this inquiry, I found myself using the metaphor of moving across a sheet of ‘thin ice’ which, at any moment, might crack or break to plunge me into dangerous murk below. This sensation has become an enduring feature of my existence and appears in my imagination alongside clichéd images of the tortured artist, working away in the isolation of a high garret. Then I see myself looking out of the high window of my office struggling with writing this thesis; a lonely figure looking out onto the world, not sure if I’m loving it or hating it, wanting to work and create just as much as I want to run away. At least I find some solace in the notion that, as emotion and reality merge and thread together, the conflict provides ‘good material’ for the inquiry process Over the period of ADOC my interest has shifted from cursory reading into (and rebelling away from...) the field of ‘organisational aesthetics’ towards a deeper investigation of my own sense of aesthetic and what might it mean for me and my work. I have pursued the notion of a life that is fully lived, and actively embraces each new experience. I have deliberately cultivated a sensitivity to my environment and events within it that I try to bring to my practice. I have worked through frustration and anger as I tried to adequately justify and express myself, and I inadvertently rediscovered a talent and passion for photography; a return to the subject of my first degree and my first significant experience of paid work. In fact, digital imagery and reportage photography is becoming a core offering of my practice as I attempt to work at the intersection of contemporary digital media, dialogue and inquiry based consulting. I have experimented with social media and now, rather delightfully, self-publication through a weblog (http://www.photo- dialogue.com/) has become a vital ingredient of my work as I bring my practice into the world. Recovering Creative Identity: An inquiry into photo-dialogue. !4 Steve Marshall ADOC 1 Thesis I have also come to realise that the feelings of difference that once led me to hold a distant, troubled relationship to groups might be used to the benefit of others, and that the sensitivity that I previously held under wraps has value that I can bring to my organisation consulting practice.