Mt. Olympus Coffee Shop Ten Minute Play

MT. OLYMPUS COFFEE SHOP TEN MINUTE PLAY

By Frank Izzo

The writing of plays is a means of livelihood. Unlawful use of a playwright’s work deprives the creator of his or her rightful income. The playwright is compensated on the full purchase price and the right of performance can only be secured through purchase of at least four (4) copies of this work. PERFORMANCES ARE LIMITED TO ONE VENUE FOR ONE YEAR FROM DATE OF PURCHASE.

The possession of this script without direct purchase from the publisher confers no right or license to produce this work publicly or in private, for gain or charity. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: "Produced by special arrangement with Heuer Publishing LLC of Cedar Rapids, Iowa."

This dramatic work is fully protected by copyright. No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without permission of the publisher. Copying (by any means) or performing a copyrighted work without permission constitutes an infringement of copyright.

The right of performance is not transferable and is strictly forbidden in cases where scripts are borrowed or purchased second hand from a third party. All rights including, but not limited to the professional, motion picture, radio, television, videotape, broadcast, recitation, lecturing, tabloid, publication, and reading are reserved.

COPYING OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY PART OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW.

PUBLISHED BY

MT. OLYMPUS COFFEE SHOP By Frank Izzo

CAST OF CHARACTERS (TWO MEN, ONE WOMAN)

BOB TERRY ...... A salesman in his forties. (33 lines) ZEUS THEODORE ...... A man in his 60’s. Proprietor of the Mt. Olympus Coffee Shop. (48 lines) KAREN QUAID...... A woman in her thirties. (26 lines)

SETTING A Greek coffee shop in Manhattan.

TIME The present. COPY

NOT

A Greek coffee shop in Manhattan. Closely packed tables, lots of cheesy pictures of Greece, and a well-stocked bar are all in evidence. We hear Greek music in the background. BOB TERRY, enters. He is hot and tired. His suit jacket is slung over his shoulder. He strains under the weight of a briefcase. At center stage, he drops the case with a loud thud and wipes his brow. Seeing no host or hostess, he seats himself. Just as he is about to sit, a voice booms from off stage.

ZEUS: (Offstage.) Not there! Please. That table is reserved!

Startled, Bob stands up. ZEUS THEODORE walks onstage. . He is wearing black pants and a white shirt, open at the collar, revealing several gold chains around his neck. He speaks with a Greek accent.

BOB: Not to be a wise guy, but the place looks pretty empty. ZEUS: (Annoyed.) Of course it is empty. It COPYis 2:30 in the afternoon. That table is reserved for tonight. I do not want to mess it up. BOB: (Wiping his brow.) I don’t care where I sit, just as long as it’s cool. It’s hot as Hades out there. ZEUS: Not really. BOB: I beg your pardon? ZEUS: It is not really as hot as Hades. Trust me. Please, sit over here by the air conditioner.

He leads Bob to a different table. NOT BOB: (Relieved.) Thanks. I’ve been dragging these samples around all morning. God, do I hate this job.

Bob sits down, exhausted. He loosens his tie and opens his jacket, trying to expose more of his body surface to the air conditioning.

ZEUS: You lookDO like you could use a nice glass of Ouzo. BOB: No thanks, I’ll just have a Pepsi. ZEUS: Okay. I will have the Ouzo.

Zeus walks to the bar, and pours a soda. He grabs a bottle of Ouzo, takes a deep swig. He puts the soda on a tray, picks up a huge menu and carries them to Bob’s table.

ZEUS: (Placing the menu on the table loudly.) Ready to order? BOB: I think I’m going to need a couple more minutes. (Reacting to the huge menu.) Or maybe days. ZEUS: (Shrugging his shoulders.) Fine. But most people who come here already know what they want. But I don’t care. I am not a waiter. My daughter, Aphrodite, usually takes care of this, but it is her break. BOB: If you’re not a waiter, what do you do? ZEUS: I run the place. I’m Zeus. BOB: Oh, yeah. I saw your name on the door. Mt. Olympus Coffee Shop, Zeus Theodore, Proprietor. Zeus. Interesting name. Any relation to the god? ZEUS: No. I am no relation. (He pauses.) I COPYam the Greek god Zeus. All powerful deity, ruler of gods and men, immortal, usurper of the universe from my father Cronos. And so on and so on. BOB: (Anxious to get rid of this lunatic.) Uh, I think I’m ready to order now. I’ll have the feta omelet. ZEUS: Great. You want the deluxe with the fries? BOB: Sure. Why not. ZEUS: Nothing else? BOB: No. That should do it. ZEUS: Nothing at all? Not the release of a loved one from some Sisyphean torment? OrNOT maybe something a little more practical, like putting an end to this miserable heat wave? BOB: No. I’ll stick with the omelet. ZEUS: Suit yourself. Although I am not busy right now, and I feel in a generous mood. Do not come back at 6:30 when we are crowded and expect some help then.

Zeus walks toDO the bar and takes another shot of Ouzo. He then exits stage left. Bob shakes his head and starts to drink his soda. A FLY BUZZES LOUDLY. Bob swats at it with the menu a couple of times,

then gives up. KAREN QUAID enters. She looks hot and tired. She paces nervously.

BOB: If you’re looking for the hostess, she’s on her break. The old guy is taking care of things. KAREN: Oh no! I’ve got to speak to Aphrodite. She’s the only one who can help me. BOB: Yeah, I know. The old guy does seem a little wacky. And to tell you the truth, I think he likes to hit the Ouzo.

Karen starts to sit down. Zeus’s voice booms in.

ZEUS: (Offstage.) Not there! That is reserved!

She stands up, startled. ZEUS enters stage left.

ZEUS: (Pointing to a seat next to Bob.) Sit there,COPY please. BOB: (Annoyed.) The place is empty. Do you think maybe we could spread out a bit? ZEUS: I do not want to mess up another table.

Karen sits down near Bob. Zeus puts a menu in front of her.

ZEUS: (Continues.) So. Ready to order? BOB: They don’t give you much time around here. KAREN: (Very upset.) I can’t order from you. ZEUS: Why not? NOT KAREN: (On the verge of tears.) I need to order from Aphrodite. She’s the only one who can help. ZEUS: Lady, the food’s the same, no matter who takes your order. KAREN: (Tentatively.) Okay…I want a number 17. ZEUS: (Troubled.) Ah. Now I know why you wanted Aphrodite. Sorry, Miss. I cannot do a number 17. ZEUS: (To BobDO in a confidential tone.) Number 17. Her boyfriend ran off with another woman. My daughter Aphrodite is good with that love stuff. My track record with women is…not great.

ZEUS: (Turning to KAREN.) How about a number eight instead? It is one of our specialties. KAREN: (Whimpering a bit.) What’s a number eight? ZEUS: A hurricane. KAREN: It’s perfectly sunny out. ZEUS: I could change that in a second. I could whip up the winds to 80 miles an hour. KAREN: That’s great. But I really need a number 17. ZEUS: Come back around 5:30 when Aphrodite is here. KAREN: But that will be too late!

She takes a paper out of her jacket and hands it to Zeus. He pulls up a chair next to her and reads aloud.

ZEUS: Flight itinerary, JFK to Paris. Leaving at 3:30. That is in an hour! You are right. We must act fast. All the more reason to go with a number 8. COPY

ZEUS stands up and looks to the sky.

ZEUS: (Continues.) The plane takes off. Suddenly out of nowhere, a hurricane arises. (He claps his hands.) Bam! They are toast! (To Bob.) Speaking of toast, did you want the wheat or the rye? KAREN: I don’t want you to kill him. I just want you to make him stop loving her. ZEUS: That is just the kind of subtle stuff I am not good at. Let me check with Hera. NOT

Zeus walks off stage right.

BOB: You don’t really think that lunatic can help you, do you? KAREN: Well, he is Zeus, the all-powerful… BOB: Yeah, sure. Let’s just hope he can make an omelet that isn’t runny. DO KAREN: You mustn’t joke. It will spoil my sacrifice. BOB: What sacrifice?

KAREN: Before I came here I made a sacrifice to Aphrodite, to help take care of my problem. BOB: You mean you slaughtered a goat? KAREN: No. It was a virtual sacrifice. I made a contribution at www.mtolympus-diner.com. BOB: You sent money to this nut case? KAREN: He takes Visa. BOB: You’re as crazy as he is. KAREN: I’m desperate.

Zeus returns with Bob’s order, which he presents with great flourish.

BOB: That was fast. ZEUS: Hermes was on the grill. ZEUS: (Turning to Karen.) Sorry, Miss. I spoke with Hera and she agreed. I cannot help you with the boyfriend thing. This is Aphrodite’s area. You will have to wait forCOPY her. KAREN: But if I don’t get him back, I don’t know what I’ll do!

Karen starts to cry. Zeus is softened by her tears.

ZEUS: Okay. What is this guy’s name? Never mind. I’m Zeus. I already know his name. Dan Cohen, 53 West 86th Street. We don’t have to kill him. I will just grab a very small lightning bolt (Grabs imaginary bolt.) only 175 volts or so. Just enough to fry his memory. Then I will hurl it very carefully. A surgical strike. NOT He starts to throw the imaginary bolt like a dart. Karen stops him.

KAREN: Wait! If you wipe out his memory he won’t remember me! ZEUS: Then I’ll zap her instead! (Throwing an imaginary bolt.) Full force! She is nothing but a little tramp. KAREN: Even if you did, it wouldn’t guarantee he’d come back to me. DO

ZEUS: (Exhausted.) Maybe you should try e-harmony. (Turns to Bob.) But personally, I think hitting her with the lightning bolt is the way to go. What do you think? BOB: I think you’re one skewer short of a shish-kabob. (To Karen.) If he really is a god, why is he running a coffee shop in New York City? ZEUS: Eternity is a very long time. You get bored. And New York is so much fun. (He pauses.) I happen to know they are going to have the Olympics here. BOB: Yeah. Right after they fix the West Side Highway. In 400 years. (He pauses.) Listen Zeus, I know you’re a busy god. Why don’t you just zap me my check and I’ll be leaving.

Zeus studies Bob for a while.

ZEUS: You do not believe I am Zeus, do you? BOB: Maybe if you gave me some kind of COPYsign. Levitated a table or something. ZEUS: (Annoyed.) I am not some cheap Vegas magic act. I am Zeus the all-powerful. BOB: Yeah? Well if you’re so all-powerful, help me out with my life. ZEUS: (Rubbing his hands together.) Now you are talking. What do you need? BOB: (Tentatively.) Well…I’m a medical supplies salesman. I really hate my job. What I want more than anything else is to be…a playwright. ZEUS: (Throwing up his NOThands in despair.) A playwright! Does not anyone need a good old-fashioned lightning bolt anymore? (He stops and considers the request.) We Greeks are the master playwrights of all time. Comedy. Tragedy. Deus ex Machina! But if you want to be a playwright, you need to get in touch with one of my other daughters, like Malpomene. She is a muse. I think she is the one who inspired Thespis, but to tell you the truth, I lose track, I have so manyDO kids. KAREN: (Suddenly interested in Bob.) You’re a playwright? BOB: Well, I want to be.

KAREN: I love plays. But Dan would never take me. ZEUS: Okay. Listen. I’ve got a thought. I create a tornado that picks up Secaucus, New Jersey and drops it into the Atlantic Ocean. You could write all about that. BOB: That would be reporting. I want to be a playwright. ZEUS: Then you will definitely have to wait for one of the Muses. But to tell you the truth, they are all pretty busy. Every copywriter in Manhattan has been begging for a big screenplay idea. BOB: Okay, Zeus, the all-powerful. You can’t make me a playwright. You can’t get her boyfriend back. You’ve got all these poor people believing this line of bull about being a Greek god. And you’re taking their money! I should report you to the Better Business Bureau. ZEUS: (To Karen.) You might want to duck. I am going to grill this guy like a mosquito in a bug zapper.

Zeus raises his hand to zap BOB. COPY

KAREN: Stop!

Karen pushes Zeus, throwing off his aim.

ZEUS: Hey! You made me miss! BOB: (Grabbing his head.) Hey! It just hit me! I’ve got an amazing idea! I’m going to write a play about a Greek Coffee Shop that’s run by real Greek gods! ZEUS: Sounds pretty far-fetchedNOT to me. KAREN: I think it’s an absolutely wonderful idea! BOB: You do? When I’m finished, would you consider reading it? KAREN: I’d love to! ZEUS: (Looking around.) Thalia? Aphrodite? Are you hiding back there? KAREN: Let’s go someplace and celebrate the start of your new career. DO

She takes his hand and they start to leave.

ZEUS: What about Dan? KAREN: Dan who? ZEUS: Dan the guy who ran off with the other woman. KAREN: Oh, that was when this was a tragedy. Now it’s a comedy!

Bob takes Karen’s hand and they exit stage left. Zeus start to clean up the table.

ZEUS: Well, I got her to forget about her boyfriend. I got him to come up with an idea for a play. Not a bad afternoon’s work. Now, if I could only do something about this fly.

FLY BUZZES. Zeus pauses, then points his finger at the insect. We hear a huge crack of THUNDER. The set goes black.

THE END COPY

NOT

10 THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING. NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.