sign in sign up
<<
Home , Son

Hey Dad

Volume 2 Issue 34 Happy ’s Day June 2010 Father’s Day: A commercial conspiracy? You bet! Last Father’s Day, Hey Dad said that the holiday Finally in 1966, President wasn’t conceived by retailers looking for a new Johnson proclaimed the third Sunday boondoggle. Well, we were wrong. in June as Father’s Day. President Sure, at first the intent was pure. Sonora Smart Nixon made Father’s Day an official Todd began championing the holiday in 1910 to national holiday in 1972. honor her dad, a Civil War vet, who raised six children Commercial holiday? You bet by himself. But as it turns out, commercialism is your cordless screw driver! Last year exactly what pushed Father’s Day onto the national Americans spent $94 billion on holiday calendar. Father’s Day gifts and outings. The average American In the 1930s, the Associated Men's Wear spent nearly $91 on Father’s Day gifts, according to the Retailers formed a National Father's Day Committee National Retail Federation. in New York City. By 1938, the group brought in several other retail trade groups and renamed itself Ways to minimize commercialism on Father’s Day National Council for the Promotion of Father's Day. (if you want to!): This council’s expressed purpose was to legitimize  Let children know how much you value Father’s Day as a holiday in order to boost retail homemade cards and gifts. sales. They aggressively lobbied state and federal  Suggest that the best gift would be a bike ride, governments. pier fishing, or kite flying on the beach. For many years, the U.S. Congress resisted codifying the holiday because it smelled of  Suggest a backyard barbeque of your favorites. commercialism.  Point out that dollar stores have the some awesome Father’s Day gifts.

Hey Dad: Hey Dad’s co-editor Sean Casey is a writer and stay-at-home dad. He works in sweat pants and claims he has one 20-year-old suit that he wears to occasional weddings and funerals. Yet, when Father’s Day rolled around a few years ago, he received a tie. That’s what his little son Sam heard that you get dads on Father’s Day. Sean proudly wore the tie for Father’s Day dinner that night (burgers on the patio) and Sam was pleased. The tie is somewhere in the closet. You see dad, Father’s Day is more about your little ones celebrating their dad and participating in tradition than you getting in a round of golf, a HDTV or time to yourself. So be sure to help your kids celebrate you! Wear the tie, go to the new animated kid’s movie, enjoy the overcooked scrambled eggs in bed. Play golf next weekend. Your children will have a great time celebrating their dad—and so will you. Meanwhile, in this edition, we summarize some recent research on parenting and fatherhood, and then add our take on the matters. Most research is only a piece of the puzzle, a step toward understanding the bigger picture. So please take the information and incorporate it into your ever-improving parenting strategy. Happy Father’s Day.

Marilou Rochford, MA, CFLE Rutgers Cooperative Extension and Community Health Sciences Educator PAGE 2 HEY DAD VOLUME 2 ISSUE 34 The Research Says… Sure, one month something causes illness, the next month it’s good for you...that’s what it seems like with research. While we shouldn’t always rush to change our lives based on the most recent studies, sound scientific research is essential for gathering information to determine what’s best for our . At Rutgers Cooperative Extension, we are careful to base all of our recommendations on the best research available. This Spring yielded some interesting studies that we thought we’d share with you and then offer our take on the topics. Teen cybertalk is mostly positive Involved help prevent bullying Most teens blog, chat or Facebook to maintain Parents play an important role in preventing their friendships and engage in positive discussions of children from becoming bullies by helping them with everyday teenage life. Overall, they do not seek to homework and getting to know their friends, according participate in conversations about drugs, sex, to a new study from University of Texas Southwestern violence or bullying, according to a study at Ohio Medical Center and Children's Medical Center in State University in Columbus. Negative chat was Dallas. mostly about typical teen concerns. Sixty-five percent blogged about being bored, 30 percent Hey Dad’s take: involvement has a positive discussed feeling blue, 28 percent were feeling effect on all aspects of a ’s life. If you suspect angry and 16 percent griped about homework. your child is being a bully, address it immediately and directly. Seek to find the root of the bullying (anger, Hey Dad’s take: That makes sense. But parents insecurity) and consider counseling if the behavior still need to monitor interactions on Facebook and doesn’t stop immediately. Many web sites have a “no other emerging sites. Cyberbullying, which recently bullying” pledge that you can print out and have your made headlines because a teen committed child sign. The U.S. Department of Health and Human suicide as a result, is real. Predators still troll Services has created a Web site for kids social sites looking for vulnerable teens. Remind about www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov. kids NEVER to give out ANY personal data in chat rooms, via email or on Web sites. Predators will Real conversations help young children “groom” children over the Internet to develop a acquire language trusting relationship. Tell your child NEVER to agree to meet someone from cyberspace. Parents who have give-and-take conversations with their young children, give their children an advantage in Parents incorrectly warn kids about acquiring language skills, according to Dutch Programme who potential sexual abusers are Council for Educational Research, part of the Netherlands Organization for Scientific Research. The study also found Parents often incorrectly warn their children that that parents who read to their children, tell them stories strangers are most likely to sexually abuse and initiate conversations on interesting subjects also give children. In reality, relatives and acquaintances are their kids a head start in being able to acquire the kind of more likely to abuse, according to the Child Abuse academic language skills they will need throughout their Research Education and Services Institute at the education. University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey. At least 85 percent of child sexual abuse is Hey Dad’s take: We often spend too much time perpetrated by relatives or individuals the child talking at children instead of with them. Dads especially knows. need to learn to be good listeners. Get your eyes at the same level as your child’s and use eye contact, body Hey Dad’s take: Teach your child what abuse is language and vocal cues (like “a huh”) to let them know and that NO ONE should see or touch their private you’re listening. Use words like “I understand,” “tell me parts except their parents or doctor. Emphasize to what you think,” and “how do you feel about that.” Ask your child that no adult should ask them to keep for, and listen to, your child’s opinion or problems. You secrets. Listen to your children if they don’t want to don’t need to correct everything you disagree with or fix be with a specific relative or seem troubled by a every little problem. visit. For more information, log on to www.childwelfare.gov. VOLUME 2 ISSUE 34 PAGE 3

Spanking can lead to aggressive behavior Dad’s Tool Box Spanking a 3-year-old can lead to more aggressive behavior when the child is 5, according to study at Divorced and Tulane University. About 2,500 responded blended families to questions about how often they had spanked their 3-year-old child during the past month. Three-year- need to be patient on old children who were spanked two or more times in Father’s Day the a month had a 50 percent increased chance of being aggressive when they turned 5, according to You’ve heard it so many times before...be flexible and the study. don’t put the burden on your kids. Remember, Father’s Day is not REALLY all about you. Help your kids celebrate their father! Problems can happen... Hey Dad’s take: Rutgers Cooperative Extension does not recommend spanking children at any age. Many  Their mom’s road-blocking visitation on Father’s Day? organizations, including the American Academy of No problem, celebrate the next time. Tell the kids it’s Pediatrics, also counsel strongly against corporal okay. punishment. Let us be clear, we advocate firm discipline, but not corporal punishment. More and  The kids don’t even have a card for you? They’re little more research shows that spanking encourages and needed direction. Don’t pout! Take them to the more aggressive behavior in children. The quick fix of drug store and let them pick one out. a spanking, no matter how carefully and lovingly  Kid’s feel guilt about the step dad? Help your kids pick administered, does not compare to consistent out a card or gift for the guy. parenting with clear and certain consequences for misbehavior. Age appropriate consequences such as  Kids are cranky, no fun? Oh well, we all get that way. time-outs and loss of privileges are far more healthy Everyone take some quiet time to relax. and effective in the long run than spanking.  Blended families making scheduling complicated? Plan ahead, do your best. Let all the kids know you love New gaming systems distract boys them. from school work  Mom or Grandma are “saying things” about you again? Denison University in Ohio performed a study Take it up with mom and grandma when the kids aren’t looking at the short-term effects of video game around. Don’t “say things” back, don’t make your kids ownership on academic development in boys ages the messengers, and don’t make your kids feel responsible 6-9 who did not previously own a video game for things they can’t control. system. Half of the boys received a Playstation II game at the beginning of the four month study while the other half did not receive a system until Try Logic the study was over as a reward for Instead of hovering over your children, yelling, demanding or participation. The study found that boys who bribing, calmly try logical or natural consequences. received a new video game system spent more time playing video games and less time engaged in Can’t find your soccer shoes? after-school academic activities than boys without Logical response: That stinks. Are you going to play in your a video game system. Furthermore, the boys who sneakers or call the coach to say you’re not coming? received the system had significantly lower reading and writing scores four months after the study. Didn’t start the big school project until the night before? Logical response: Wow, you have a lot of work to do. I offered to Hey Dad’s take: Makes sense. Parents should limit help last week, but tonight I have my own work to do. gaming, PC use and TV time for boys, and themselves. Other studies link the amount of time Den is strewn with toys and mess. watching TV and playing video games to childhood Logical response: I’ll make dinner just as soon as the den is tidy. obesity. Send them outside to play. We also Meanwhile, I’ll be in my room reading. recommend that parents keep a close watch on the content of video games. Violence, sexual content Yes, you’re allowing your child to fail sometimes, but teaching and inappropriate behavior are pervasive in the your child to accept responsibility for their own actions lasts a video game industry. lifetime.

RUTGERS COOPERATIVE EXTENSION NONPROFIT ORGANIZATION NEW JERSEY AGRICULTURAL EXPERIMENT STATION RUTGERS, THE STATE UNIVERSITY OF NEW JERSEY POSTAGE & FEES PAID 4 MOORE ROAD CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, NJ 08210 RUTGERS COOPERATIVE EXTENSION PERMIT NO. 7 OFFICIAL BUSINESS CAPE MAY COURT HOUSE, NJ

Happy Father’s Day!

Look for Rutgers Cooperative Extension HEY DAD Family and Community Health Sciences Rutgers Cooperative Extension 4 Moore Road at the 4-H Fair, Cape May Court House, NJ 08210 (609) 465-5115 ext. 609 July 15, 16, 17 [email protected] Co-editors: 355 Court House/So Dennis Road Marilou Rochford, MA, CFLE Cape May Court House Family and Community Health Sciences Educator (across from the back exit of the Sean Casey Cape May County Park and Zoo) RCE Consultant Check out our Web site: www.njaes.rutgers.edu Click on Family & Community Health Sciences for our latest Our newsletter Wellness Buddies is now available online on the publications and events. Get Moving Get Healthy New Jersey Web site at www.getmovinggethealthynj.edu/wellness_buddies.html. http://capemaycountygov.net/Cit‐e‐access/webpage.cfm?tid=5&TPID=789 Log on for great tips on how to get healthy!