ISSUE 1638 FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016

The Student Newspaper of Imperial College London

Memes, dreams and Imperial is ugly and it horoscopes makes me sad

PAGE 31 HANGMAN PAGE 8 COMMENT

Our sabbs will now be CGCU uses dog therapy paid £29,800 a year to combat exam stress • Their pay now matches the average Imperial graduate's wage • They will be the highest-paid sabbs in the UK but may actually be worse off

his year’s change in sabb take home as much as current sabbs Grace Rahman pay, despite looking like do, they’d have to spend just £110 Editor-in-Chief a £10,000 pay rise on per week on rent. Compare this paper, may actually leave to the fact that sabbs this year are is beneficial for both them and the sabbs worse off financially than ever. getting as much as £210 per week students they live with for sabbatical TIn an investigation by FELIX, spent on their rent as part of their officers to live in halls, as it enhances comparing this year’s cohort remuneration, this year’s sabbs are student experience. pay packet and remuneration undoubtedly getting a better deal. This was all decided at a Trustee arrangements (i.e. offer of ‘free’ halls Our full investigation feature can be Board meeting in January by that goes with the job) to next year’s, read on page nine. the then Managing Director, lay it was found that although our sabbs The decision was taken so sabbs trustees and several observers, with will now be the highest paid in the who choose to live in private no students representatives present country, the offer of halls has been accommodation wouldn’t get a for the actual decision. The officer revoked, meaning they will probably worse deal than those who those trustees, including sabbs and current take home less than this year’s after who choose to live in halls, as their student trustees could contribute to paying rent. housing allowance is taxed and the discussion but were asked to As the pay packet currently worth much less than what those leave the room when the decision includes either a room in halls or in halls get. Controversially, this has was made presumably to avoid any a rent contribution of 75% of the completely removed the incentive potential conflicts of interest. average spend on the sabbs in halls, for sabbs to live in halls. Up until This year’s elections... plus £20,160, for next year’s sabbs to now the consensus has been that it continued on page 4 Read more on page three. Photo Credit: CGCU th PAGE 2 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk

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Contents A word from the Editor News 3 Editor-in-Chief Grace Rahman talked a lot about how much place to live is about the hardest Comment 6 the sabbs get paid this week, part of living and working in News Editor Matt Johnston Features 9 and to think, it’s probably London, and getting that as part of never crossed your mind. the deal was certainly a big part of Comment Editors Science 10 That’s fair – I don’t ask how much my decision to take a year out of my Tessa Davey and Vivien Hadlow you earn. Our feature on the life and make a paper for you cuties. I Science Editors Manifestos 14 changes to sabb pay isn’t brand new People complain that becoming a Jane Courtnell and Lef Apostolakis information, but this is the first time sabb is a cool job to slip into if you Film 18 any student, outside of the closed haven’t found a real job yet. I think Arts Editors doors of Trustee Board (literally if you’re rich and haven’t found a job Indira Mallik, Jingjie Cheng and Max Falkenberg Arts 21 this time – they chucked out all the yet, becoming a sabb is now a lot sabbs when the decision got made) easier. If you hate students so much Music and Games Editor TV 25 will have seen a breakdown of the that you don’t want to live in halls, Cale Tilford difference in payment between this you probably shouldn’t be a sabb. Film Editor Games 27 year’s sabb team and next year’s. I think this change is a shame, Fred Fyles And yes, I do think that’s important. because it looks like we’ve given Puzzles 28 We fork out a lot of cash for sabbs, sabbs a wacking great pay rise, when Puzzles Editors and we want them to be good. potentially, this new deal means that Hamish Beck and Roxana Radu Hangman 31 We want to pay them enough so a home isn’t part of the job. It’s like know I’ll have done my job well, Food Editor that they can eat, be housed, have being a vicar. Fucking hell, being when I go into the 568 one day, and Sanjay Bhattacharya Food 32 nice enough lives, and for it to be a vicar (I assume) is hard. People one of the bar staff (and not one of interesting enough financially that confessing weird intimate details the ones who knows me already) Clubs & Societies Editor Abi de Bruin the job appeals to everyone. It’s the about their lives to you and not in goes: “Hey, it’s Grace!” and then same argument that gets brought a cool down-the-pub way, having everyone at the bar cheers, and then TV Editor FELIX, Beit Quad, up when we discuss MPs’ pay. If we to go to church all the time, plus the barman makes my usual (they Saad Ahmed Prince Consort Road, paid them pittance then the role you don’t even get Christmas off. know my order already, because London SW7 2BB Technical Babe would only attract the richest, who But you do get to live in a vicarage. everybody does) and slides it down Tel: 020 7594 8072 Luke Granger-Brown Printed by Iliffee Print Cambridge, were able to take a hit. The same, I Well Beit is my vicarage, you are all the bar to me (there aren’t those Copy Editors Winship Road, Cambridge feel, goes for sabbs. If we dock the my parishioners and the journalistic mats on the bar in this fantasy) and benefits to such a point, it could integrity is my Jesus. I catch it and swig it, before winking Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi and Ahmed Registered Newspaper Ibrahim ISSN 1040-0711 put the best, and not the wealthiest Does it matter what we pay them at the camera. That’s when I’ll know Copyright © FELIX 2016 people off. Finding an affordable as long as they do the job well? I I’ve earnt my £19,000.

COMINGThe FELIX NEXT Sex Survey Results WEEK felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 3

NEWS [email protected] Mech Eng head tells students he’s voting remain Professor Peter Crawley emailed all mech eng students and staff telling them life would be harder after Brexit

Grace Rahman As Crawley stated in his email, “We also benefit from being able Editor-in-Chief it is unlikely that these students to recruit research and academic would be retroactively deemed staff from EU countries without international, and be forced to start work permit issues. We succeed n Sunday, the head paying £26,000 halfway through by being open, and anything that of the department of their degrees. However, he reassured increases barriers is detrimental. mechanical engineering EU students college wouldn’t just I am also concerned that many of sent an email to all of start charging them more without the companies with whom we work his students and staff, addressing a fight, saying “we will do all in will scale back their UK activities Oconcerns about a post-Brexit fee our legal power to ensure that and relocate to the continent to be status for EU students, and telling current students are not subject to a within the single market. It is much them that he was “strongly in favour easier to work with companies when of remaining in the EU” and so they are located closer to us.” would be “voting accordingly”. In the email, This comes after Alice Gast, In the email, Professor Crawley This is not the head of mech eng. Photo Credit: ICL the Imperial President, sent an said that several EU students had email out to all students and staff expressed concern that if Britain he said that dramatic increase in fees”. of how we will be voting in the saying how college could not tell were to vote to leave the EU in this If Britain were to leave, fewer EU referendum. He said a leave vote its students how to vote, but that month’s referendum, they would be several EU students are likely to come to British would spell bad news for funding Imperial had been involved with the forced to start paying international universities, and those that do would research, the companies that mech remain campaign. fees of £26,000 a year, as opposed to probably have to pay the higher fees. eng works with, enlisting students Staff in the RSM took a different the £9000 they currently pay. students had This would mean there would be no from the EU, and that therefore he view, forwarding an email out to all As with everything in the financial cost to Imperial in terms would be voting “accordingly”. students and staff from Imperial’s referendum, it is unclear how the expressed of fee income, as it will either take He told FELIX that remain Britain Stronger in Europe free movement of people, which more home students for the same offered “ease of collaborationcampaign group, but adding they currently allows students from the money or take more international around Europe, including student were happy to send an email out EU to pay home student fees, would concern students and make more cash. exchanges” which “is hugely from the equivalent pro-Brexit be affected. Professor Crawley made no secret important for the College”. group.

Dog therapy for stressed students Dogs during exam season proves huge hit with engineers

he City and Guilds some queuing on the day, with some the dogs, and in this time, students union offered a novel students from other departments from different courses could mingle way of recovering from getting turned away . Millie Tsang, and chat to Millie about any welfare exam stress relief last the CGCU welfare officer said that issues they were having. week – playing with dogs. having to turn people away was sad. One student arrived at the event TThe dogs, who were brought in by “Originally I was met with heavy despite having a fear of dogs. In the dog re-homing charity All Dogs doubts from within the CGCU and their feedback, they told CGCU: “I Matter, sat in a room in CGCU, and IC Union, who said it would not be really think it is a great idea against students filed in all afternoon to approved and would also raise loads stress and fear; the latter is also quite play with them. They also had a few of trouble. Thankfully, I talked to common and I’m sure it could help walks around campus. College anyway,” she told FELIX. more students than just me”. This is the second time the CGCU Despite recently introducing a no Thanks to donations from have offered puppy therapy to its dogs on campus rule, permission students, CGCU also managed to members, and it’s proved incredibly was granted, with some limitations raise several hundred pounds for the popular, with 300 sign-ups in 24 about who could access the dogs charity providing the dogs. hours for this session, and all the and the room. This form of therapy is a firm places being booked up last time Students sat in a waiting room favourite at the LSE and Harvard. Make my exams go away, puppy. Photo Credit: CGCU they ran the event as well. There was before getting their ten minutes with GRACE RAHMAN th th PAGE 4 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 5

NEWS [email protected] NEWS [email protected] Imperial physicist who contributed to Higgs EU debate takes place at Imperial boson discovery dies at 83 Referendum fever is yet to take hold

Sir Tom Kibble was head of the Imperial physics department from 1983 to 1991 Matt Johnston proclaiming that “Operation Fear News Editor has come to Imperial College” but he may have just been referring to Grace Rahman a Nobel prize for Physics after the several scientists, including Peter exam season. Editor-in-Chief find. Higgs, who worked on the theory ast Thursday, The Big Questions from the audience This 1964 paper is beautifully leading to Higgs boson to be EU Debate took over followed the debate, although many written, and in 1967 he published awarded the J. J. Sakurai Prize for Skempton building with preferred just to shout them out rofessor Tom Kibble, another paper on his own, that Theoretical Particle Physics. members of both the as will during the proceedings – who was a member of contributed further to the theory. In 2014, Tom Kibble was knighted leave and remain campaign battling clearly these people haven’t watched the Imperial physics Later, in 2010, Sir Tom was among after the Higgs boson’s existence was Lit out over the key battlegrounds enough Question Time. department for 32 years, proved during huge experiments at of the economy, immigration and After the rather heated exchanges has passed away at the age of 83. When Higgs CERN in 2012. Imperial physicist, democracy as a whole. for the best part of 90 minutes, a PHe was born in Chennai, Professor Virdee, who was knighted Speaking for the remain bar tab was placed behind the old India, in 1932 but went to with him after overseeing the CMS campaign were Mary Honeyball Union bar in order to encourage school in Edinburgh, and got and Englert experiment at CERN, said at the (Labour MEP for London) and students to engage in discussion his undergraduate and PhD at time: “I was hoping Tom would be Amelia Womack (Deputy Leader with the panellists and their peers Edinburgh University, before were awarded recognised. I'm very, very happy for of The Green Party and ex-Imperial over drinks. joining Imperial as a NATO fellow him, and I'm sure we'll have a glass graduate) and for leave were Tom So, was the complex socio- in 1959. the Nobel of champagne when next we meet”. Hunt (a Conservative councillor) The baddies are on the right btw. Photo Credit: ICU politico-economic debate that has Whilst at Imperial, but before When Higgs and Englert were and Michael Gold (a Green Party divided a country settled once and he was even made Professor of prize, they awarded the Nobel prize, they MP candidate). Civ Eng concrete lecture earlier that Eastenders wedding. as “policy is deemed as British if it is for all in an Imperial lecture theatre Theoretical Physics, he wrote a paper were surprised that Kibble was not Skempton lecture theatre 164 morning. Opening statements from both doing well, and European if it isn't”. on a Thursday night? Not quite, but in 1964 entitled Global conservation also named in the honours, as the was the political battleground for Similar to a political wedding, sides touched on the key issues He just lost the French Open so the bar tab in the union helped. laws and massless particles with two were surprised rules permit three scientists can be the clash of the titans with Deputy the audience almost split exactly they felt were going to either be take from that what you will. The full debate is available to American scientists from Rochester named. At the time, Higgs said: President (Welfare), Jennie Watson, into two halves, one pro-Brexit and the cause of downturn of saving As the debate continued, watch on the Imperial College University, New York, which is that Kibble “Not only did [Kibble] publish the chairing the whole affair in scenes one pro-remain, except there was the UK, notably Amelia Womack the classic cases were made on Union Facebook page. widely regarded to have led the way last of the papers in 1964, he also of solid discussion unseen since the more heckling than your average comparing the EU to Andy Murray both sides, with Michael Gold for the discovery of the Higgs boson was not also wrote a longer paper that was really by Sir Peter Higgs and François very important in generalising the Professor Kibble was a well-loved member of staff. Photo Credit: Imperial Englert fifty years later, who won named sort of thing I had written in '64'”. College London

On paper, ICU sabbs are now the highest paid in the Security get new more formal Student caught in housing scam country uniforms An Imperial student paid a deposit on house he hadn't seen, before discovering the continued from front page n Monday, college inhalation”, which are activities 'landlord' didn't exist ...have already taken place, with all support staff, including which arguably need security positions but the DPFS role having the security team, officers who can move across been filled (DPFS manifestos can were given brand new campus quickly. student was caught out up at all. After the landlord stopped be found on page fifteen). The pay uniforms, which for the security Although many will be familiar by scammers this week replying to any calls or emails, the The student rise and change of remuneration Ostaff meant cumbersome new ties, with the security staff members who after paying a deposit on student quickly gathered that it had package was advertised in the 2016 epaulettes, long-sleeved shirts with have an office in Beit, you will often a flat that turned out not been a scam. Election Guide, so all candidates the Imperial logo and suit jackets see them patrolling the campus. to be for rent. The student has now been told paid them ran knowing about the new deal. with name badges. Security guards partly act as a AThe student saw the flat, which was by both the police’s Action Fraud A union representative told Whereas before, the security deterrent to crime – the fact that just off the King’s Road, advertised centre for cybercrime reporting FELIX: “ The Board of Trustees staff were free to wear collared the new uniforms look impractical on one of the union’s fresher and Natwest (where the fraudulent a £450 regularly review all aspects of white shirts of any sleeve length, to the point where the wearers don’t Facebook groups. After speaking account was opened) that they are remuneration for Officer Trustees depending on the weather, they now look like security guards, could mean with the person who posted the unlikely to get the cash back. After and staff. In January the Board took must wear long-sleeved branded that they aren’t such a deterrent. ad, the student paid them a £450 making a complaint with the bank, “holding the view that living in halls no longer shirts with their suits at all times. Their new purple ties and “holding fee”, which he believed he was told that Natwest told the represented part of the Officer This week, temperatures hit highs epaulettes, which sit on the was to confirm his interest before student that they aren’t responsible Trustee role and as such opted to of 26°C, making the new outfits shoulders of the shirts, are bright the landlord made the trip down and so can take no action. fee” remove the previous penalty for particularly impractical. purple, reminiscent of Imperial from Liverpool to show the student At least one another Imperial living out of halls. Officer Trustees Imperial’s security department ‘mauviene’, a dye accidentally the property. student has fallen victim to a similar It’s important to remember to not and full-time Officers are now paid website says its top priority is to discovered in the 1800s by one After making the bank transfer, scam over the last few months. transfer any money until a contract a set point on the College’s pay scale “the protection of College students, William Perkin from the Royal however, the landlord cancelled The same address was also has been signed. Contracts can be and can opt to pay to live in halls staff and visitors from harm through College of Chemistry, which also the viewing several times at the last advertised on Facebook pages checked over by the Student Hub. should they wish.”. Who are these people? Photo Credit: ICU physical assault, fire or smoke adorns Imperial graduation gowns. minute, before finally not turning related to Queen Mary’s university. GRACE RAHMAN The street where the flat supposedly was. Photo Credit: mappio.net th th PAGE 6 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 7

COMMENT [email protected] COMMENT [email protected] EU myths debunked The four types of traveller you’ll meet this summer What the Leave campaign says is going on versus what is actually going on Angry grad is coming to you from Thailand, and this is what she’s found

Stav Zalel he claim: The EU open- t's almost the end of the Writer borders policy puts academic year, meaning many strain on the UK and of you will be in that final makes it harder for non- frenzy of wrapping up your Europeans to settle in the UK. final year projects. From frantic TThe facts: According to a report Ipipetting to manic coding, it's all by the Migration Observatory in very stressful – I've been there. But 2011, 95% of net migration to the for those of you, much like myself UK was that of non-EU nationals. a year ago, the end of uni does not The EU has no power over UK equal a cry from relief. It means immigration policies for non- facing your boggart which, let’s be Europeans. Under EU policy, honest, is far more soul wrenching citizens of EU countries can settle in than Harry's dementor – the the UK and work at any job without Angry Grad dreaded prospect of unemployment. a visa. UK citizens can do the Writer same in EU countries. According to the aforementioned report, the immigration of EU nationals to Clingier the UK is roughly offset by the emigration of UK nationals to other EU countries. This could be us but you're voting out. Photo Credit: TSI than gum Before non-Europeans work in the UK, they must be accepted to a democratic organisation. be like Switzerland! a peacekeeping mechanism and on a tube position in the shortage occupation The facts: There are three bodies The facts: Switzerland firstthere’s no European war coming list that meets the minimum involved in EU legislation. The participated in Erasmus in the anyway. skills threshold. Then they may Council of the EU (made up academic year 1992/3, but in the The facts: The EU started in 1950, seat, this apply for a work visa – a long, of government ministers of EU same year voted against joining uniting European countries to bureaucratic process for them and countries) and the EU Parliament the EEA, ending its participation secure lasting peace after a long era It is very important to get pics for the 'gram. Photo Credit: unsplash.com their potential employer. The UK (elected by citizens of EU countries in all EU education programmes. of prevailing wars. The 1990s saw the dude will recently changed its immigration by proportional representation) are In the early 2000s Switzerland fall of communism and completion decibel levels, rivalling that filthy parted ways six weeks ago, thanks perhaps? Screw that, a refreshing policy in an explicit pledge to lower the only bodies which pass EU and the EU signed agreements of the single market, including bass at Ministry, the enthused yank to social media; his Facebook posts glass of water from the river will net migration, making it more laws and policies. The European including freedom of movement, freedom of movement, with not leave is also brimming with bullshit. rival both the abundance, and the do, emulating the local way of life. difficult for non-Europeans to settle Commission just draws up proposals and in 2011 Switzerland regained European nations on closer terms He'll recount his travelling tales (shit) quality of the status updates Comfort is overrated, guys, the in the UK in an explicit pledge to for new EU legislation to be voted full participation in Erasmus; but its than ever. Today, across Europe, the with such dramatics, you'll wonder of your 14-year-old self. Mock all locals don't have any, why should lower net migration. The recent on; it cannot pass laws. It comprises eligibility was revoked again in 2014 political far-right is on the rise. For you alone how this kid is still alive. Cyclones we may at the tragic nature of this we? Did I mention how important restrictions and regulations include 28 Commissioners – one for each after it voted to limit immigration instance, this April, the Freedom and lightning storms will feature, dude's escapades, but through that it is to live like a local? I mean, once shortening the shortage occupation EU country – who are suggested by through quotas, breaking its free Party of Austria lost the second When you finally managed to sunrises penetrating his spirit will thick wall of judgement, nothing you've lived like them for a couple list and increasing the minimum their respective governments and movement treaties. The Swiss round of presidential elections by smash that Goldman interview (it be routine, and inevitably, there seems to be able to get rid of that of days, it's the same as an entire skills threshold, increasing the must be voted in by the European government then arranged the less than 1% of the votes, and in only took you 566 attempts not to will be a mention of a divine niggling at the back of your head lifetime without Netflix, right? requirements for institutions and Parliament. The Commission’sinterim solution of allocating March the Alternative for Germany fuck up, but who's counting, right?), intervention or two. Two days spent pestering you, that this guy may be a businesses to sponsor non-European own president must be supported $25million to fund Swiss students party won over 13% of the votes in you've got a few months before you with this freak may drive you over hazy prediction of your own future. 4) The Perfect Human students or employees, raising the by the majority of members of the studying in Europe and Europeans German local elections. What these become a real person in September, the edge, so make sure you get out Like a rabbit in headlights, this minimum salary for a work visa, and European Parliament to be elected. studying in Switzerland, allowing an and other far-right parties across when that dollar blinding grad of that awkward hangout before he 3) The I'm not a tourist, solo traveller will beckon to be increasing restrictions on bringing The bottom line: Legislation and exchange programme to continue. Europe have in common is extreme scheme starts, and there's only one mentions that time when he casually rescued by you and your squad. family members to the UK. A UK laws are passed by EU countries’ Today it is an Erasmus Partner nationalism and xenophobic anti- thing to do – that generic gap yah parted the Red Sea. tourist Yet, as time passes, and bonding citizen who marries abroad cannot government ministers and elected Country, meaning it can participate immigration policies. thing and book an open ticket to a Obsessed with shedding her intensifies, those puppy eyes will return with their non-European European Parliament members. under certain conditions. The bottom line: Countries generic gap yah destination, much 2) The Premature western ways of thinking, and steal your heart and your possy spouse unless they prove that they Those involved in writing and The bottom line: Free movement united economically and politically like me. I'm currently cotching in insistent she's not travelling for the will develop an obsession for this have an annual income exceeding enforcing legislation are elected by of people is an EU requirement are less likely to go to war against South East Asia, and as a (self- Mid-Life Crisis Dude Instagram glory, this backpacker's stray. The fan-girling may become £18,600 (or more if they have Parliament members and EU heads for participation in its education each other. It is easy in a time of proclaimed) seasoned traveller, I'm Every hostel has one. It's that not on holiday, she's on a cultural unhealthy, but it's all part of the children). 47% of British citizens – of state. This procedure is different programmes. As the UK does peace to forget that war could ever going to enlighten you with the six dude who's 30, quit his soul- voyage. Dismissing home comforts top notch bants. The day will come in particular, 61% of British women to the one at, say, Westminster, not intend to keep its open- again happen in Europe, but this types of backpackers you'll meet, to destroying job, broken up with bae, is at the forefront of her priorities, when you part ways with this – do not meet this requirement. but all contemporary so-called borders policy if it leaves the EU, is ignoring history to the point of mentally prepare you for your own and decided to fuck off overseas to because in her mind, no where East stranger – you've got to let them The bottom line: Any suggestion democratic governments are it will struggle to maintain its full denial. If the UK leaves the EU, the shenanigans. find himself, spiritually of course, has gone through the Stone Age. leave the nest after all. But when that the EU open-borders policy somewhere on a spectrum between participation status, and considering moderate European governments whilst partying with school leavers Western toilets? No, it's all about that Facebook photo materialises disadvantages the UK is baseless, democracy and bureaucracy. “The the UK’s domestic education will continue their peaceful 1) The Enthused Yank in a dingy nightclub seedier than the squatting, like the locals do. A with bae and her new crew, your and any claim that the EU has a EU is anti-democratic” is an empty policies, it is unlikely to set up an relations – but with the alarming Much like a puppy on crack, this Cheapskates (RIP). highly rated Tripadvisor hostel? No blood will boil and intense voodoo negative impact on non-Europeans and hypocritical claim. interim programme, Switzerland- Europe-wide rise of nationalism breed of backpacker has far too With a constant yearning for chance, it's all about shacking up may be performed. As Harry Styles wishing to immigrate to the UK is The claim: We won’t lose out on style. and xenophobia, which European much love for life and energy than affirmation, and clingier than gum with a stranger in their hut, with warned us, everybody wanna steal a lie. Erasmus, non-EU countries already The claim: Leaving the EU won’t governments we will see in 10 years? should be legally allowed. Along on a tube seat, this dude will not no air conditioning when it's 41°C, my girl. But her heart is mine for The claim: The EU is an anti- take part in the programme. We can affect European stability. It’s not In 20 years? with speaking at unsafely high leave you alone. This is even after you much like a local. Bottle of Evian, the taking, so back off, yeah?! th PAGE 8 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk

COMMENT [email protected] Why is Imperial so ugly? Bland architecture makes Imperial an even more unpleasant place to be

Daniel Williams ello Imperial, we need Writer to talk. In previous volumes, this journal has been dedicated to burning issues of Hthe day: junior doctors’ working conditions, the cost of living for students, union bureaucracy, and clarion call to vote (this 23rd of June). Nevertheless, there is an issue fundamental to our very wellbeing and self-esteem that never gets a For many of us, the austerity of glass, steel and stone is too Stunning. Photo Credit: Christian Richters and reduce inefficiencies in cross- corridors, low ceilings and dated and the new? bleak and campus travel. Corridors have been office ambiance stifle creativity As mentioned previously, our built widened, time-consuming door and muffle character. Such an environment appears to inculcate handles have been replaced with environment is appropriate for an homogeneity and sameness, rather impersonal bidirectional push-doors, or better insurance company headquarters, than vibrancy, self-realisation and still, automatic doors with sensors, but not an innovative, world-leading enjoyment of life. Our College mention. This article aims to rectify allowing entry with no extra physical institution of learning. should be a hive of all sorts of that. exertion and no unnecessary contact On every campus tour, the guide interactions, from cross-disciplinary "How fundamental could with surfaces. The spread of disease will begin with a little bit of College projects to friendly chats in the something be?", you’re probably has been reduced, queues for food history: the Great Exhibition of corridor. We should feel joy when thinking. Stop for a moment. have been tamed, and room booking 1851. Under the aegis of Prince coming to the campus, whether for Look around you. Where are you has become more efficient through Albert, the best of the world’s the first time or for the thousandth right now? What are you doing? If centralised, computerised systems. science and technology were time. We should want to stay on you are like most FELIX readers, Our productivity should be shooting brought to London, which in turn after classes finish, to spend time I can hazard a guess. You are in a through the roof. We should demonstrated Britain’s new ideas, amid green walls, water features building owned by the College. The be breezing through our work, expertise and industrial skills. The and colourful walkways, not feel walls have an inoffensive colour, reaping the accumulated efficiency exhibition was a resounding success. alienated by gargantuan, monolithic all corners meet precisely and dividends from the tireless efforts of The proceeds were used to establish structures of glass, concrete and steel. orthogonally and the space is tidy. successive campus architects. four pre-eminent bodies of public The onus is on us to achieve change. You are on your way to something Undoubtedly, the achievements education: the Victoria & Albert Some problems are more easily fixed important, wending your way listed above are significant. We Museum, the Natural History than others; your campaign could through the corridors and crowds make daily use of these campus Museum, the Science Museum involve: signing FELIX’s petition to your destination. It’s a short facilities and services every time we and the Imperial Institute. After for library air-conditioning, talking while to go, so you’ve picked up this attend lectures, work in labs, send an more than a century of mergers to your departmental representative newspaper and move on. You’re very email or study here. Yet we must ask and transformations, the fourth about building enhancements, busy, you don’t have time to be on ourselves: what do we enjoy about entity has become the College we gardening on your building’s campus, and even if you did, there being here? You’d probably say it’s know today. Today very little of balcony, yarnbombing poles, making are nicer places to be. Herein lies the the people, or the buzz of innovation the Imperial Institute remains, so a beach on Dalby Court or seeking issue: our campus is an unattractive here. You won’t rate the architecture we can’t define ourselves in terms street art commissions on footpaths place to be. of our buildings highly. For many of of our architectural heritage. As and walkways on campus. Everywhere you go on campus, us, the austerity of glass, steel and the custodians of Prince Albert’s Whatever the scale of your buildings and walkways have been stone is too bleak and impersonal, vision, how else can we show that contribution, your efforts won’t go optimised to increase traffic flow while the minimally-decorated we continue to embrace the bold unnoticed. felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 9

FEATURES [email protected] Next year our sabbs become the highest paid in the country But they may actually be worse off than this year’s group, and here’s why

Grace Rahman out of halls. Editor-in-Chief Many people saw this as a good thing, as having sabbs living in halls is arguably a benefit to freshers ext year’s sabbs, who – everyone on the DPFS’ floor were elected in March knows what the union is – but the and take up their roles incentive for living in halls has now officially this August, been completely removed, and from will, on paper, become the best- the figures above you can see you’d Npaid full-time sabbatical officers in be a mug to do it. the country. They’ll have jumped During the Trustee Board from fourteenth highest-paid sabbs meeting in January at which the to the highest, beating last year’s change was decided, no sabbs were highest, LSE, who pay a modest actually present. They were allowed £26,582 a year. Technically, these to contribute to the discussion, officer trustee roles are getting a but asked to leave whilst the £10,000 pay rise in the space of actual decision was made. The one year (from £19,500 this year to minutes of the meeting show that £29,800). It sounds like a lot, but it’s the current sabbs said that “the only slightly higher than the 2013 financial compensation was not a figures for the average Imperial major consideration when putting grad’s starting salary (£29,200). If themselves forward for the role”, you look at what the current sabbs but it could put future generations get in terms of a remuneration of students, who don’t have saving package, next year’s cohort may or family money, off. actually be getting a worse deal. Does anyone care how much sabbs get paid, as long as they’re Our calculations doing a good job? Well, we know Let’s assume that this will be the Is it raining dollar bills? We can’t really decide. Photo Credit: ICU that Imperial has some of the best first job next year’s sabbs will be graduate prospects in the country, getting paid for this tax year (we’ve loans after 2012 and have finished (i.e. extra stuff sabbs get ‘paid’ but choose to rent privately, and escape so get the best people who aren’t assumed that they’re on the tax code their degrees, and so will now be not in cash) includes a place in the astronomical cost of Imperial’s all from the same economic 1100L, if you’re really interested). paying back some of that loan every halls. They do not have to pay rent; own accommodation, unless you background, it’s fair to make the pay, We’ve assumed that they are all month. We’re also assuming they’re it’s paid directly from the union’s wanted to live in the un-renovated and all that comes with that, at least home students who took out student not paying into the pension scheme. coffers to the college’s. And these side of Evelyn Gardens. semi-competitive. This is all a little different for the aren’t the shitty cheap twin rooms in To put it another way, for next FELIX editor, who is employed for the basement of Parsons. These can year’s sabbs to have the same amount Technically, eleven and a half months, rather be nice single ensuites in Eastside of take-home cash as this year’s, Does than a year and a half like the or Beit if the sabbs choose them they will have to spend just £6400 full-time officer trustees are (your (which several have). on rent, which amounts to £120 a these officer DPWs and Union Presidents, for Currently, if they don’t want week, for the 54 weeks they’re paid. anyone care example). to live in halls, they can have a It’s certainly doable, but you’re not trustee roles Their pay will now be £29,800, docked amount of cash to live in going to be in South Kensington for how much and our calculations with the above halls (typically 75% of what would that kind of money. tax code and assumptions using have been their halls budget, as an are getting thesalarychecker.co.uk say that sabbs incentive to live in halls). So why this change? sabbs get will now be taking home £22,600. At least two sabbs this year have This year’s sabbs (the Sandon- Similar calculations on this lived in Beit, so if we take the Allum-Kaye-Howitt-Watson- a £10,000 year’s salary (pre-2012 student standard 16/17 rents for an en suite Chun-Yin-San year) were paid paid, as long loan repayments and the same tax room (£220 per week) and take into £19,500 per year straight-up, and pay rise in code) assume that take-home pay account the 54 weeks that they are then given either halls for ‘free’, as they’re is currently £16,200. Yes, obviously employed, they will need to pay i.e. as part of their remuneration twenty-two grand is way more than £11,880 worth of rent. Taken off package, or 75% of the average the space of sixteen, but that’s not the end of the their £22,600 take home pay, sabbs amount getting spent on putting up doing a story. choosing to live in Beit would now sabbs in halls. This cash for private one year only get £10,800, whereas sabbs now rent was paid to the sabbs directly, good job? Remuneration package take home £16,200 after tax. This so was taxed, meaning they got a The current remuneration package obviously means most sabbs will significant hit if they chose to live th th PAGE 10 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 11

SCIENCE [email protected] SCIENCE [email protected] Science, what’s good? How will a Brexit scenario impact science? Jane Courtnell FELIX asks the scientists on each side of the fence so you don't have to Science Editor Solving the Microbial All hail genetic Fish ears yield mammal puzzle nanowires computers secrets Sophie Walsh Writer Black hole's Our ancient mammalian lineage Take a geobacter bacterial cell, its Can we control disease using The Amazon river is one of may be older than we initially pili, and attach each to a graphite computers? Researchers at the most biodiverse fresh water gassy diet thought. Scientists investigating electrode, and wham! You have the Massachusetts Institute of ecosystems on the planet. The many rexit may have finally prehistoric mammalian teeth an electrical current. That’s right, Technology suggest yes, having fish species that call its water home overtaken myriad eeding on gas, literally, collections, have significantly added Mother Nature has produced integrated digital and analogue though are shrouded in mystery. memes of Donald is what astronomers at to our understanding of when our organic, electrically conductive computations into cellular DNA. A new study analysing otoliths, Trump’s hairpiece on our Massachusetts Institute fury relatives really advanced in hair-like filaments which give the Disease acts as an input to initiate the stone like bones located in fish newsfeeds. For months, the EU of Technology have, for the wake of their distant reptilian geobacter a little spark. Aromatic module expression which turns gene ears, might help us understand the Breferendum has loomed large in a the first time, detected. Black relatives, the dinosaurs. Theamino acids in the pili of the segments on or off,converting input migratory routes of many species. collective public mind, bamboozled Fholes feasting on clumpy, cold gas. commonly accepted view is that geobacter transport electrons at a into an output, hence converting, say The research might potentially by potential impacts on everything Devouring clouds at a speed of dinosaurs, the main competitors of voltage comparable to that of copper chemical concentrations to a simple redefine our knowledge on many from human rights to house prices. 355 kilometres per second (800,00 the mammalian clade constrained wire. Proteins are usually electrically 0 or 1 signal. This biological circuit fish species especially in the cases It is a political hot potato that when miles an hour) in the Abell 2597 mammal ecological expansion. insulating, but geobacter pili are has potential to cause the body to of fish which are economically dropped on the 23rd June, could Brightest Cluster Galaxy, the sight The University of Southampton counter-intuitively conductive. initiate one of say three output valued and which regularly travel see us out on our ear in the cold, is a stark reminder of the shear has turned this view on its head, Scientists at the University of responses, in accordance to, for through the borders of multiple looking in through the window at amount of energy harnessed by putting two and two together; that Massachusetts at Amherst, Holy example, blood glucose levels, thus nations, such knowledge can be the EU planning their Christmas these celestial bodies; energy levels is, with a diverse tooth collection, cross, and Brookhaven National acting as a diabetes control. Other invaluable, informing management party, wondering whether we have which are clearly expanding, with comes a diverse animal group. laboratory found that the way the potential uses include treatments for policies. The chemical composition done the right thing. each gas cloud being absorbed Our mammalian lineage may have small molecules are arranged, at a cancer, bowel disease, and probiotic of otoliths can reveal whether the But above the cacophony of into their accretion discs. Viewing already diversified extensively before distance of 0.3 nanometres, gives bacteria development to treat gut fish has lived in 'black' or 'white' multiple debates, what of Britain’s the same great void millions years the K-T mass extinction event some the pili their copper like electrical disease, with clinical trails for the water, as well as what the salinity of unassailable drivers of modern later, its outburst will be ever more 66 million years ago. conductivity. latter beginning in twelve months. its habitat was. progress – science, healthcare, brighter, and much more powerful. research? Enter Martin McKee, It's all these guys' fault. Climate change, Donald Trump, the Illuminati, anchovies on pizza, everything. Photo Credit: Hernan Pinera Grossnickle et al. 2016 @ Evans-Lutterodt et al. 2016 @ Lu et al. 2016 @ Nature Herman et al. 2016 @ Royal Society Professor of European Public Brian et al. 2016 @ Nature Proceedings of the Royal Society mBio Communications Open Science Health at the London School of And the biggest threat to research? remain campaign as “unnecessary in light of recent trade discussions say. Even where there is a grain of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine “The difficulties we would face in scaremongering” and feels Britain and TTIP proposal between the US truth it is hardly never the whole and Professor Angus Dalgleish, engaging with European networks, will continue to thrive, regardless of and the EU – “It’s black and white truth, and almost always years out Foundation Chair of Oncology at […], the difficulty with exchanges the “completely and utterly doomed […] either you have the EU or you of date”. St Georges University and Senior of staff, exclusion from EU science EU”. have the NHS but you can’t have And so the clock ticks and we Advisor to the pro-leave lobby advisory committees, […], we both”. edge further towards the deadline. Making all science open access by 2020 group ‘Scientists for Britain’, who should also not ignore the inevitable I find it A report published this week by As an unprecedented event, can have real problems agreeing. cut to science funding”. Lord Darzi, Director of the Institute our predictions about what will Dr. Wilko Duprez all declined to comment about the the financial burden. “The upfront As a champion of international McKee is right – the EU has of Global Health Innovation at happen to science, research and the Writer EU report. Through a spokesperson costs for an immediate transition health care, McKee’s extensive brought us undeniable rewards. UK inexplicable Imperial College and the London NHS be anything more than noisy from the International Association will need to be covered. These costs travel around the world engaging universities are huge beneficiaries School of Economics, addresses rhetoric amidst largely speculative of Scientific, Technical and Medical will currently fall disproportionally researchers and policy makers in of its research grants – (Imperial some of these concerns, and it is debate? That said, hilarious as they he EU Competitiveness Publishers (STM), they announced on research-intensive countries that neglected health issues has led received £48.8m in funding in 2014), that even a well worth reading. Amongst other are, memes of Donald Trump’s Council, a committee “it is vital that embargo periods produce more research relative to The Lancet to comment that “even 200,000 UK students and 20,000 suggestions, it claims that both the hair should remind us of how close including research, (when articles are only available the rest of the world,” claims the conversing with him is liable to UK staff have been able to work or EU and member states will be able a nation could come to making science, and industry through paid subscriptions) be set STM. cause jetlag”. I am inclined to agree study in Europe under the Erasmus handful of to agree TTIP reservation clauses a decision with far reaching ministers from all member at a sustainable level to enable the However, it might be a fallacious as I conduct our conversation over scheme, our NHS is part-staffed for national health services, helping ramifications. countries,T announced last week that subscription model to continue argument. “I think you have to email during his stopover between by skilled non-British EU workers scientists in secure against privatisation. “The “We are taking a leap in the scientific publications should all be to support the operation of high recognize that most of this research Mexico and Miami. and cross-country clinical trials for core principle of the NHS”, the dark”, says McKee, “I’m sure we open access by 2020. We all wish quality journals”. is publicly funded and all the money “Would the world class status of rare diseases have been coordinated report comments, “will continue could salvage something [should we for this to happen, but is the idea Researchers disagree, especially that goes to pay for subscriptions our institutions falter without the where small disease population sizes the UK can to be defined by UK government leave], but it will clearly be much utopian? when it comes to matters of at the minute is largely publicly backing of the EU? Yes”, he says. are a real issue. But it is far from whether we remain in, or leave, the worse than what we have already”. There are many hurdles to public importance. According to funded as well,” commented Prof. perfect, with problems many and EU”. overcome. Firstly, there are no legal Professor Stephen Curry, a biologist Curry. “Because most of the work manifest and questions about anti- support “I find it inexplicable that even bindings. According to the council here at Imperial and open access is publicly funded it has to be made democratic behaviour lingering. a handful of scientists in the UK itself, it is only a “political orientation advocate, the slow release of articles open access by right, and I think While this needs to be considered, can support Brexit”, say McKee, for the 28 governments”. Secondly, is actually harmful. “There was there is enough money in the system in leaving, McKee argues, there is a Brexit “initially I just assumed [it] was a four years is a very short period a recent initiative to encourage to fund that. It is just a manner of real risk that we would continue to lack of awareness of the issues, their for such a dramatic change in the people working on the Zika virus moving the accounts around”. contribute to the EU from outside “There will be hardly any misconceptions, such as those on publication process, especially when research to release their initial data It is already unlikely that universal while relinquishing our place at the difference at all in the practical the Clinical Trials Regulation, have encountering strong resistance from and their results very quickly even open access will be achieved by negotiation table. day to day science [we experience now been pointed out numerous the private publishing industry in advance of publication. But we 2020, but through incremental Dalgleish, on the other hand, in Britain]” he says, asserting that times yet they persist in repeating whose interests are at stake. Thirdly, still haven’t moved to such a system steps in governmental policies holds less complimentary views of our position on the world stage them. It must now be clear that the actual details to achieve this goal for antimicrobial resistance, HIV and consensus we may slowly start the EU, labelling it a “sclerotic”, is secured – “Britain is far bigger they simply make up 'facts' to fit have yet to be announced. infection and malaria, and that in to separate access to scientific McKee's Twitter picture. Handsome “dying organisation” that is heading than the EU in science”. He is their arguments, with a complete The only question that matters. Will we FELIX contacted private itself have cost lives”. information from corporate profits Should all scientific papers be openly avaialble to anybody? Photo Credit: Nic and politically minded Photo Credit: for a “headlong crash into a more concerned by the impact of disregard for the truth. Sadly, you need Visas for Malia, Greece? Photo scientific publishing groups but they Another counter-argument is although that requires patience. McPhee Twitter wall”. He regards the views of the remaining on our NHS, particularly have to fact check everything they Credit: Keith Parjer th th PAGE 12 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 13

SCIENCE [email protected] SCIENCE [email protected]

Is there room for zoos in 2016? Science& the City Lef Apostolakis Sh!t Sc!ence the need for conservation apparent Science Editor and in 1933 the World Association here are some of us Lonely fishkeepers vidicated: fish can tell when you’re being a dick MARIANNE GUENOT of Zoos and Aquariums produced puttering around campus its first conservation strategy. that remember a time t the end of last month Today, conservation is not only before smartphones and we witnessed the death a key element of the aims and constantly available internet. Even t Sh!t Sc!ence, we want in Scientific Reports this week. social skills. This skill was of a lowland gorilla objectives of most zoos, but also a beforeT sharing just the one computer to show that every Scientists presented a tropical fish long thought to be reserved in Cincinnati Zoo. key justification for keeping animals in the corner of the living room science paper is a drop with pictures of human faces, and to humans, as the capacity to Harambe, who was put down in captivity. with your entire family, waiting of water that, in its small asked the fish to react to the pictures. discriminate faces was found to duringA an attempt to rescue a four- So what are the implications painstakingly for the whirling ring way, helps fill up the aquarium These fish, archerfish (Toxotes be hosted in the fusiform gyrus, year-old boy who had fallen into for zoos as institutions, when an of the AOL dialup to finish, only to ofA human knowledge, so that us chatareus), are known to hunt aerial located in the neocortex of the the enclosure. A week later and invaluable member of a critically be kicked off again five minutes later little humans can float around prey by projecting water at high human brain. Facial recognition we’re still talking about the incident, endangered species is put down? when someone 'needed' the phone. happily oxygenated by the water of speed to knock them out, so it was had previously been identified debating who’s to blame. However, “It's really galvanised public support When connecting with people cognition. This week, you may have easier for the scientists to train the in non-human mammals, instead of playing the blame game, for questioning the purpose of involved – wait for it – walking over guessed, we are talking about fish. fish to learn to hate one face, and such as dogs, sheep and cows, perhaps we should be talking about these institutions,” say Elisa Allen, to their house and knocking over Have you ever had one of those spit in its direction whenever they but it could be argued that the role of zoos in the 21st century. Associate Director at the People for the door. annoying friends with an aquarium was presented to it. those animals had evolved to Animal collections have existed the Ethical Treatment of Animals Since the revolution of the who will swear that their fish Surprisingly, the fish were capable recognise faces as a consequence for thousands of years, yet the (PETA), UK. “What is this internet, technology and computing recognises them? ‘Look how he of recognising one face out of 44 of domestication. modern zoo is a 19th century intelligent self aware animal doing devices have rapidly evolved into presses up against the glass! He different pictures. This worked even The premise of this article invention, aiming to educate and in captivity for our entertainment?” smaller, more powerful, and more knows his mommy!’ they’ll say. if features such as hair and face was to investigate whether an inspire the public. However the Many questions arise when complex tools – many of which are Well I have, and it took everything shape were removed, showing that animal which had no reason to biodiversity onslaught we started considering the inner workings of A captive lowland gorilla. There are less than 100,000 left in the wild. Photo being generated and created here in my power to contain the powerful fish can, indeed, recognise the finer have evolved to know human noticing in the 20th century, made zoos. How much of a zoo’s budget Credit: Anthony on our campus. But I’m not entirely urge to roll my eyes so far back traits of a face. faces, such as a fish from a is allocated to scientific research, sure we appreciate it. And to be fair, into my skull that they might not Now, of course, the results of tropical area, could learn to do for example? The San Diego Zoo, the collections contained mainly simple, as is pointed out by who can blame generations that find their way back to the front of this study go further than simply so, even when those animals What is this the largest in the world, only spent endangered species. But in reality Rosi Stoycheva, a conservation simply have always known a life in my head. But actually, science has vindicating the legions of crazy fish lack a neocortex. These results 7.6% of its income on research and they don’t. Less than a third of biologist who has worked on many which the entire world is accessible recently proven that they might owners. It’s about how we recognise show that facial recognition is conservation in 2014. The London mammals within the London Zoo conservation projects across the in their hands? There’s just no have a point. faces as humans. not a human trait, and do not intelligent Zoological Society (ZSL) on the are endangered. The same goes for country over the past five years. context. This study, emerging from the Face recognition is paramount require a brain the size of a other hand spends approximately amphibians, with some species not “First many endangered species So here’s some context – I You will pay for you insolence human Photo Credit Joseph Bylund University of Oxford, was published for humans to establish proper human’s. 20% of its income on research and even having been assessed yet. are in areas that are very remote. recently saw an old black and white self aware conservation, as is illustrated by “Ultimately we have to look at the There are permits you need to get to photograph taken in New York. It its 2014 annual report. Yet in both root of the species declining and that remove these animals from the wild. was 1956, and there were four men cases, most of these funds come always comes back to their habitats You must consider if the animal will in overalls laboriously pushing a five Natasha Khaleeq animal from external grants. Of the £34.4 being destroyed. Zoos would be far survive in the zoo environment and MB IBM server up a wooden ramp Writer million that is generated by its better off spending their money and how many you can harvest from the into a truck, with a crowd of people This week’s science picture animal collections, £31.1 million resources in protecting these wild wild to create a breeding population” curiously watching. The server was doing in is pumped back into the ZSL's populations” concludes Allen. says Stoycheva. easily half a cubic meter – for just oral bleaching has collections, to simply maintain However, things are not that Indeed, the intricacies of the five MB, which is nothing severely impacted the captivity? them. endangered species’ conservation compared to the capacity of say, a Great Barrier Reef That wouldn’t be a problem if are illustrated through numerous new Apple iPhone 6 at 64 GB. It’s over the past month. There examples of failed conservation just basically just a large photo on The corals, which are in constant attempts such as the extinction your tablet. Ccompetition with algae for light of the Sumatran Rhino from the After furiously scribbling some and nutrients, seem to be losing the are really Malaysian Peninsula when the five numbers on paper, I realised that battle, with many bleached coral remaining captive individuals all an iPhone 6 would require 12,800 skeletons completely engulfed in died within 18 days from disease. of these machines to reach the algae. Pictures and testimonials intricate Other times, obstacles can be same capacity. At an average pace from Lizard Island have been bureaucratic, with many well known of a ten minute kilometer, it would painting a grim picture of ghastly, as well as rumoured reintroductions take me about six and a half hours brown, decomposing coral. WWF factors being delayed due to governments to walk around the entire capacity Australia shared pictures taken last getting cold feet. of an iPhone in 1956. So in a mere month of granite Island ‘ground “These are the issues that no one 60 years, we have compressed zero’ where a mass bleaching event behind the really thinks about. There are really technology by at least six hours killed an estimated 22% of the reef ’s intricate factors behind the scenes (that’s not really a scientific fact, coral. scenes that people don’t understand and don’t quote me). The Great Barrier Reef is this is where a lot of the criticism Considering the amazing leaps in currently undergoing its worst stems from.” technological advancement, maybe bleaching in recorded history. that people Zoos might not be perfect, but we should place our appreciation of Approximately 93% of the reefs they are an important conservation it contextually – be more cognizant along the 2,300 kilometre site have tool nonetheless. “You shouldn’t rely of the awe-inspiring capacity we suffered bleaching. Coral bleaching don’t on just one measure to solve your carry around with us every day, occurs when water temperatures problems,” concludes Stoycheva. and think carefully about what we increase causing coral to expel their A painting of the camel house at the London Zoo, from 1835. Photo Credit: “Without zoos there wouldn’t be as actually use it for. symbiotic algae which in turn result Wikipedia understand many species." NAOMI STEWART in their white-grey colour shift. Extensive stand of severely bleached coral. Photo Credit: Petchrung Sukpong Gautam Kambhampati

I would like to see the Union make life easier for Clubs & Societies, and allow them to do what they do best: provide excellent services to Imperial students. I would also like to see the Union financially justify bar profits and venue hire by being open and transparent about their profits and how these funds are used to support student activities.

I will introduce variable spending caps for Club Treasurers, set by Management Groups, to reduce red-tape. A better room bookings system, instead of the current two-tier system, to reduce double bookings and the large delays in Your Officer booking requests being fulfilled. A return to easily accessed free printing for Clubs & Societies and Union-related activities. Publication of details of bar profits in a readable format so students can decide for themselves whether drinks mark-ups are value-for-money.

An open door policy for Club Chairs and Treasurers with financial issues. I have been Treasurer of DramSoc, managing large budgets for events across the Union. Working with many other Clubs & Societies on budgets, Elections management, and running events from small karaoke events to the large annual productions by Overseas Societies. Collaborating with Union staff on the management of large Union-run events such as the annual Summer Ball. Vote for Less Bureaucracy. Vote for More Transparency. Vote for a Better Union for All. Vote Gautam for DPFS. Nikita Bathija

Having come to the end of my degree I understand the importance of enjoying university life. In what will be some Here are the manifestos for Deputy President of our most memorable years, the Union plays a crucial role and I would like the opportunity to give-back to the college as DPFS. If elected, I would promote the development of the College and Union Alumni networks in order to build community and encourage new avenues for club sponsorship. Reform space booking to ensure efficient (Finance & Services) candidates. use of Union resources. Continue the work of the current DPFS and implement Gift Aid on donations. Actively seek All copy is provided by candidates and not altered by the Union. feedback and student input to plan the events that you want.

My ideas are shaped around bringing you the best experiences whilst a student and also once you’ve graduated. Being on the committee for ChemSoc last year, I understand the work that goes into building a successful society. Voting opens 12:00 midday, Monday 13 June In addition, during a recent internship in the City I demonstrated that I am comfortable dealing with finances. These experiences, coupled with my strong desire to improve College life, means I will work with student volunteers to deal with tasks and problems efficiently. Optimising the Union’s ability to enhance the student experience, by ensuring it is financially sound, is central to my candidacy. I will work hard with the other elected officers to shape a Union that you have a say in and can be Benjamin Bell proud of as a student and graduate.

I believe I have the commitment, experience and passion to make real lasting changes at Imperial. I’ve been at Philip Kurukgy Imperial for both my undergrad and postgrad degrees and held positions including IC Hockey Club Captain and RSM VPCS. Below are some of the achievable changes I would like to implement. Sort out the library it is frankly ridiculous Hello! I am Phil in 2nd year Chem Eng. My manifesto has 7 goals, that outline plans for a stronger union that actually that, despite having planning permission to do so, college refuses to install more air conditioning units in the library; makes an impact on your student experience. FUNDING: Enhancing sponsorship funds for activities and societies, expecting students to work in these conditions is utterly unacceptable. especially small ones to provide funds to grow. Maintaining budgets for societies in real terms (adjusted for inflation). AIR CONDITIONING: Lobby college to deliver the student petition for air conditioning in the central library. FEES: Work with DPCS and the College to transfer more responsibilities from Sport Imperial I believe that sports clubs Lobby college to freeze fees increases for international students, campaign against any future government increases should be overseen by elected, passionate and accountable students. Increase funding support to clubs and for home students and against hall rent prices increase. societies. Funding levels are not keeping up with increases in participation, more support is needed to secure sponsorship and funding particularly for smaller and ICSM clubs. Improve postgrad participation in union events REVENUE: Find NEW revenue streams for societies and the union by organising more events and activities, new starting at a new uni can be intimidating, even for postgraduates. I would make a significant effort to engage with sponsorships from external organisations (renown Imperial employers...) and lobbying for college subsidy. FOOD postgrads, particularly those who are new to Imperial. & DRINKS: Review the union food and drink outlets, parties, reduce costs and enhance quality. EFFICIENCY: My experience as a hall senior, organising a year of fresher’s activities on a tight budget, has taught me to maximise Improve the quality and variety of food on all college campuses. There are not enough quality, healthy food choices available for students, particularly vegetarian efficiency. RIGHTS: Be a strong defender of your rights, raising your views at College and Union council as and vegan options. Abolish entry fees for standard nights at the Union It’s our Union, we shouldn’t have to pay! Improved support for students looking for I’ve already done as member of council and on FELIX. I am a passionate student activist, the time has come to ensure our views and opinions are properly housing finding student housing can be very challenging, particularly for international students and those moving out of halls. http://tiny.cc/VoteBenBell represented. A vote for me is a vote to amplify the Union’s IMPACT on your student experience! Rachel Blythe Benjamin Warnick Having worked with the Students’ Union for the past four years, as Duty Manager of 568, The Union Bar & Metric When elected my goals for next year are: I will work closely with union staff to further develop for the past year, I have loved devoting my time at University to improving service, taking care of more than 50 Imperial Plus so the hard work you do gets recognised and accredited. Increase funding for Clubs and Societies. club/society/project events and making each night as enjoyable as possible, whilst jointly accounting £1.76 million Funds available to clubs has not grown nearly as much as the membership funds has grown (there is a 30% in food and drink sales. VOTE-Experience! Regularly interacting with students has allowed me to fix recurring disparity between the two since 2011). I will carry on lobbying the college to ensure transparency in how your fees issues: Suggesting new wide-screen TVs in 568 and Metric. Expanding diet-specific options, e.g. introducing new are being spent. Ensure the processes and systems in place to support club finances are quick and easy to use. To vegetarian items. Reducing queuing time by 10 minutes on ACC and CSP nights. Updating security to ensure improve the services at the union and get tangible proof of it; for example Cask Marque for the quality of drinks in customer safety remains a top priority. VOTE-Progress! the barsThe DPFS role deserves a candidate of real experience and responsibility. My future policies will continue this progress: Increasing affordable, healthy options across ALL campuses, by I was given an Outstanding Service Award for my work as RSMU President particularly for my work in the social reducing price and average calories by 10%. Using customer surveys to highlight inefficiencies and improve side, relating to union services. In this role I brought numerous papers and reports to Union Council and represented cleanliness, quality and speed of service. Better rewards and loyalty schemes in Shop Extra, Reynolds Bar, h-bar and RSM clubs. Before that I was RSMU Hockey President and their 1st XI Men’s Captain, I was also De La Beche The Foundry. Improving postgraduate events and subsidies, by promoting alongside the Graduate Students Union. Club Treasurer. From this I have learned a huge deal about the way clubs work. Student groups tend to be very Documenting how money spent across the venues is recycled back to students. VOTE-Funding! Having already helped to make tuition and maintenance fee self-motivated and the best way to support them is nurture them to allow their plans to be realised. Thank you for reading, Vote Warnick! #BelieveInBeard payments more efficient, I will further: Lobby to increase the DPFS role in gaining sponsorship and approvals to speed up the annual budgeting process. Provide #BeMoreWarnick equal support to all CSPs. Reduce the ICSMU-ICU funding gap. Ensure first year students decide on their halls budgeting. If you also support these ideas, please vote Rachel for DPFS!!

Remember to cast your vote! Voting opens 12:00 midday, Monday 13 June and closes 12:00 midday, Friday 17 June. Voting opens 12:00 midday, Monday 13 June and closes 12:00 midday, Friday 17 June. Vote online at: imperialcollegeunion.org/vote Sampriti Gupta

Hi, I’m Sampriti, a 3rd year Biomedical Sciences student. The Union has played a major role in making my student life at Imperial fun and rewarding. As the DPFS, I wish to give back and further enrich the student life at Imperial. For this my policies are: ADMINISTRATION AT-EASE - Improve eActivities, room bookings and mailman to make clubs and societies’ administration a tad bit easier. ALUMNI DONATIONS - Add a donation button to club pages to streamline the process of member and alumni donations ALCOHOL-LESS (non-alcoholic). EVENTS - Improve the Non-alcoholic events organised by the union to allow everyone to enjoy regardless of whether they drink. ACCLAIMED DJs - Organise events with well-known DJs at Metric with student input.

This will be in addition to the regular club nights. ASSORTMENT OF FOOD AND DRINKS - Improve the variety of food and drinks served at Charring Cross cafe. APPROACHABLE AND AVAILABLE - I will strive to be approachable and available to all students if they have any questions, queries and/or suggestions. AIMING FOR ACHIEVABLEI aim for my policies to be Simple and Achievable. It is impossible to change everything that we’d like changed in one year. So my aim is to bring about changes which, whilst seemingly simple, will add on to what we already have and thus, will further improve the holistic student experience at Imperial. AGREE? If you agree with what you just read and want to bring about these changes, Vote for Sampriti!

Yiya Mao

Hi, everyone, I am Yiya, and pledge to be your Deputy President ( Finance & Services). Since I came to Imperial, I have been standing for student voice, and my passion never stop. Vote Yiya for passion: Representing the Business School at Imperial College. Joined the Deans Advisory Council 2015-2016- Academic Representative Board 2015- 2016. Welfare Representative Board 2015-2016. Attending Union Council Meeting for Policy making 2016- Vice- Provost (Education)’s Student Forum 2016. Judge Board and presenter of Student Academic Choice Awards 2016- Ran for Leadership Elections 2016 -Deputy President( Education)- Master’s Success Guide Working Group and Editor.

I have also been fully involved in many aspects of the Student Union. Vote Yiya for experiences:- Lead Tutor at Community Education Forum- Representing Pimlico Connections- Member of the Fencing club- Table Tennis Women’s First Team- Played the British Universities and Colleges Sport 2015 (Table Tennis).

Vote Yiya for her ideas: Searching for new funding type for club & societies- Alumni/sponsor mechanism- Ensure the budgeting run smoothly each year- be approachable and supportive- Foster the process and funding for new club & societies- training- Lobbying with Commercial Services team, lowering food and drink cost- Extending the food service hours to 8pm in H-bar and offering dinner service in other venues - Offering more Student Duty Managers position in all venues- Use my expertise in marketing support Social Enterprise Programme- Work with student development team to help funding for students with enterprise ideas. If you remember Yiya, and like her experience, please Vote Yiya for DPFS. Visit my website: voteyiya.uk

Zachary Slingsby-Smith

Hi, I’m Zac and I am currently a Materials MEng student. My experience as a Year Representative and Academic Representative gave me the opportunity to receive feedback directly from students and to transform their ideas into tangible changes, such as increasing the use of Panopto in the department.

My experiences as a Hall Senior, at Beit Hall have given me extensive insight into organizing activities at Imperial, through interactions with freshers and international Erasmus students. I will aspire to achieve a smoothly run union if elected. Adios amigos!

Voting opens 12:00 midday, Monday 13 June Voting closes 12:00 midday, Friday 17 June

Vote online at:imperialcollegeunion.org/vote

For more information visit imperialcollegeunion.org/elections

th th PAGE 18 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 19

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FILM Versus: The LifeFILM and Loach’s oeuvre and the film is who serve as talking heads in the Films of Ken Loach capital versus labour. Coming film are working class strikes a from a working-class, Northern contrast to the typical cross-section background, Loach managed to of this generation of artists – think Neo-noir shadows and Californian sun attain a place at grammar school, of Tom Hiddleston, Benedict The Nice Guys is a send-up of genre flicks that's in on the joke Dir: Louise Osmond. Starring: and then went on to Oxford, Cumberbatch, et al. This lack of Ken Loach, Cillian Murphy, Alan where he was pushed up against working class mobility, combined Parker, Hayley Squires. 93 Minutes the children of the establishment, with the current wholesale attack The Nice Guys whose privilege manifested itself on the BBC, makes one think that or an anti-establishment as a sense of entitlement. Loach Loach is most definitely a product radical, Ken Loach cuts began his creative career at an of his time, and would be unlikely an unlikely figure. A auspicious time, when the BBC was to make it today. Dir: Shane Black. Script: Shane polite man approaching expanding its operations, setting The other main antagonism Black, Anthony Bagarozzi. Starring: 80, whose latest work, I, Daniel up their Wednesday Play series, for explored is art versus commerce: Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling, FBlake, won the Palme d’Or at this which Loach directed ten films, Loach’s refusal to waver from his Angourie Rice, Matt Bomer. 116 year’s Cannes, Loach is one of the including the lauded Cathy Come political beliefs led to a number Minutes world's most feted directors, but his Home (1966), an unflinching look at of his films being banned, and a inoffensive appearance belies the homelessness and its impact on the period in the 1980s (the most fertile Fred Fyles raw power contained in his films. family structure which led to people time for protest, anger, and dissent) The radical director Ken Loach at work on his latest film. Photo Credit: Dogwoof Film Editor Over the last five decades, Loach has for years afterwards trying to give where he didn’t have the money to been directing films in a raw, realist money to lead actor Carol White in work at all. In order to make a living, typically revolves around injustice, weight when we consider the home style, which revolve around issues of the street, convinced she really was he directed adverts for – among brutality, and anger, a little bit of reaction to The Wind that Shakes hile it is hard social and political justice. As well destitute. others – Nestlé and McDonald’s, MGM glamour is excusable. the Barley, which saw critic Simon enough to make a as this year’s Palme – his second The current climate in British something that still weighs heavy The film ends on a triumphant Heffer compare Loach to Hitler, straight-forward – 2016 sees the release of Versus: culture cannot be ignored, and while on his conscience. Interviews with note, with Loach’s resurgence in despite not having seen the film. genre film, it is The Life and Films of Ken Loach, a the documentary does point out his family help to break down the popularity, following his first Palme While the film was completed just much more difficult for a director to documentary charting his ups and that Loach came out of ‘retirement’ image we have of Loach as a po- d’Or win in 2006 for Irish Civil before his most recent win, it makes attemptW to send that genre up: make downs. In the film world, such a shortly after the most recent faced crusader, with his children War film The Wind that Shakes the an independent case for valuing it too broad, and it descends into work is equivalent to a retrospective election, much of the criticism of betraying his love of glossy musicals, Barley. Director Louise Osmond Loach – one of this country’s most an unamusing mess; too narrow, – a crowning achievement capping the current system must be inferred. which one daughter puts down to a suggests that Loach may be more vibrant, steadfast, and engaging and it becomes a smug attempt off an illustrious career. The fact that the majority of the desire for escapism. Well, when the well regarded in continental Europe filmmakers. to show off the creator’s smarts. One of the key themes in both actors, screenwriters, and directors subject matter you’re working with than the UK, a claim that has FRED FYLES With this in mind, you would be forgiven for having a shudder of apprehension before seeing The Nice Guys, the latest work from director and writer Shane Black, which Ryan Gosling and Russel Crowe play the odd couple in 1970s neo-noir comedy The Nice Guys. Photo Credit: Warner Bros. attempts to skewer neo-noir films, Documentary corner: Portrait of Jason buddy comedies, and the 1970s 1970s LA. Those taking the scene at enforcer heavy who just wants to his needy clients, but is perfectly pure neo-noir ham: all dramatic Fred Fyles the same time, Clarke is playing a simultaneously. But Black manages face value would be rightly offended, feel useful. March has been hired willing to kill those in his way, a fact metaphors and grizzly anecdotes. At Film Editor dangerous game, tiptoeing towards to pull it off, supported by the strong but soon it becomes clear just how to investigate the reappearance of pointed out by Holly, who is the one point, Healy makes reference to the ethical code of professional cast, to make The Nice Guys a light, much of a parody The Nice Guys is, Misty, seen by her myopic aunt, and moral centre of the piece. a character "dropping off his radar", documentarians, and smashing it buoyant piece of entertainment. and how everyone – the director, the ties it in with the disappearance of Crowe gets his teeth stuck into and March openly scoffs the use of long with bumblebees to pieces. The scenes where her To say that The Nice Guys is in on cast, the audience – are in on the Amelia Kutner (Margaret Qualley); his role, bringing a sense of defeated such a po-faced term, revealing the and pandas, another and her partner berate Jason are the joke of the genre tropes would joke. The crash scene is followed by Healy, meanwhile, has been hired nobility to Healy, a man blown ludicrous nature of the predictable species that is seemingly some of the most uncomfortable be a massive understatement. The another collision, this time between by Kutner to try and keep her along by the vice-filled wind of L.A. dialogue often found in a neo-noir. on the verge of things I have witnessed in a film sets out its mission statement the two principles: Holland March whereabouts unknown. The result is He plays Healy completely straight, The Nice Guys would work solidly extinction is the raconteur. The documentary, producing a palpable in its opening: a young boy sneaks (Ryan Gosling), the down-and-out Healy turning up at March’s door, taking cues from the serious noirs as a straight neo-noir piece, one word, which reached its height of sense of unease. Clarke seems to A th into his parents room to steal his alcoholic PI who litters his rented and breaking his arm, almost in of the 1940s and 50s. Gosling, that is enjoyable but ultimately popularity in the mid-20 century, be upending the conventions of father’s Playboy lookalike only to apartment with scotch bottles front of his 13-year-old daughter in contrast, was clearly having a forgettable. However, it is the way is used to describe a teller of tales: the direct cinema movement; by be interrupted when a car crashes following his wife’s death; and Holly (Angourie Rice). complete ball during the filming, in which Black has approached the someone who can take an amusing both provoking her subject and off one of the iconic ridges of the Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe), an In the real world, that would be and his infectious comedic energy project, with his tongue firmly in singular anecdote, and spin it into manipulatively editing together San Fernando Valley, directly into the end of it (and at some point the colours every scene he is in. After a cheek throughout, threading the a tale of gold, causing you to hang the rushes she took over the twelve his home. Upon examination of the police would get involved – they run of heavy, serious films, Gosling scenes with a heavy skein of irony, onto every word. Today, the closest hours, she subverts the traditional crash, the kid finds adult film actor Gosling never really seem to do so; perhaps is showing us that he still retains the that elevates this above standard thing the Western world has to role of the documentarian (derived Misty Mountains (Murielle Telio) the LAPD’s funding was cut that comedy chops on show in Crazy, fare. There are certain elements that a true raconteur is director John from documentum, the latin word naked, bloodstained, and writing on year), but because we are in neo-noir Stupid, Love and Lars and the Real feel uneven – particularly the way Waters, aka 'The Pope of Trash'. for ‘proof ’, hinting at its structural rock, offering up the beguiling last shows us world, a different set of rules apply. Girl. An effective comparison may Black seems to be taking inspiration This raconteur spirit is what makes importance in the concept of truth- words "How do you like my car, big After Healy is assaulted in his office be drawn with Nicolas Winding from every decade between the Shirley Clarke’s 1967 documentary telling), who is supposed to use the boy?" It’s an indicator of the time by two gun-toting goons looking Refn’s 2011 thriller Drive, another 40s and the 80s – and a number of Portrait of Jason such a compelling Jason Holliday, who cuts a beguiling figure at the centre of Shirley Clarke'sPortrait of Jason. Photo Credit: Project Shirley camera as a mechanical, all-seeing, (late 1970s) and place (Downtown he retains for Kutner, he teams up with March L.A.-based neo-noir centred around fight scenes could be cut: they were watch. all-consuming eye. L.A.) so immediate the opening to try and track her down before a nostalgic time period (while set in clearly supposed to be dramatic Portrait of Jason, as the name of New York City. As the night with scenes floating in and out, she exploits the authenticity of Portrait of Jason not only shows the titles are redundant. she is killed. What follows is a the present, Refn’s film is heavily centrepieces, however, where the would suggest, centres around progresses, Clarke and her team cut together in a haze that gives an the documentary format – which true power of a raconteur – a power This scene, with its sexual his strong classic screwball-style buddy movie: laced with 80s overtones); while film shines is the dialogue, and Jason Holliday, a black, gay, aspiring become more and more hostile inebriated quality to the film. promises a ‘truth’, if such a thing that can get one out of trouble just objectification dripping in casual Healy’s seasoned professionalism Gosling was near-mute in Drive, these parts only seem to bloat the cabaret performer. Over the course towards Holliday, abusing him with A pioneer of the cinema verite can ever be achieved on film – by as often as it gets one in it – but violence, sets the tone for the clashes with March’s uncontrollable communicating only through body film. But look past these, focusing of 12 hours, Clarke and her team racial slurs, in an attempt to get movement, as well as a key player filling it with the ramblings of a Clarke also highlights the force duration of the two-hour-long film, comedy alcoholism – while the former cases language, in The Nice Guys he attacks on the chemistry between Gosling ask him questions about his life; his underneath the exaggerated persona in the experimental film scene of man for whom authenticity is a and weaknesses of the documentary which takes several cues from Paul a joint looking for witnesses, the the dialogue at full throttle, chucking and Crowe, and the razor-sharp answers are vague, laced through he has adopted. The 12 hours of the mid-20st century, Portrait of quick route to an early grave, a genre as a whole. Her and Jason Thomas Anderson’s superlative latter just tries to find out where out smart quips like a circus knife- screenplay, and The Nice Guys is with theatrical accounts of his early footage are cut down to a much Jason may be Clarke’s masterpiece. man who has had to learn to adapt leave no question unanswered, no 1997 work Boogie Nights, another chops the free bar is. Healy is disgusted thrower. He also skewers Crowe’s a rough gem of a film, shining years as a hustler on the streets more manageable 105 minutes, Weaving together fact and fiction, and hide in order to stay safe. At story unsaid. film set around the porn industry of by March’s readiness to exploit over-the-top dialogue, which is through the L.A. smog. ANOTHER CASTLE Imperial’s gaming magazine returns next week

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[email protected] felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 21

ARTS [email protected] When pills aren’t enough The Wellcome Book Prize celebrates the interdependency of literature and medicine

Jingjie Cheng factors that affect psychosomatic Arts Editor illness, but also make it accessible to the public and encourage discussion of difficult issues. Literature athy Rentzenbrink begins her story with a night out. On a summer’s day twenty-six years ago, Reading she had decided to head home first, Cbored, while her brother remained gives us the behind in the bar hoping to “get lucky”. “Matty never, in any sense of collective the word, ‘got lucky’ again,” she continued, as she recounted how her brother was hit by a car on his experience way back, and the suffering of their family that followed. She described, in poignant, heart-wrenching of what it words, how her brother Matty fell into a persistent vegetative state means to be and how the family eventually, after eight years, came to the painful decision to perform “the last act of human love” – withdrawing nutrition and life support for their beloved son and brother. The shortlisted authors of the Wellcome Book Prize 2016 with their books. Photo Credit: FMCM Associates provides an insight into situations This incredibly personal and where our deepest convictions are moving journey is told in Ms about the role literature can play in – which patient wants to be told her psychosomatic illness – “If your challenged, and reading then gives Rentsenbrink’s memoir The Last Act medicine, and vice versa. Listening that what they’re experiencing is ‘all mind can get your body to start an us the collective experience of what of Love, one of the shortlisted books to Ms Rentzenbrink speak in person in your head ’? Yet, as Dr O’Sullivan action, why can’t it stop actions too?” it means to be human. for the Wellcome Book Prize. It's about her book and experiences points out in her speech in which In these cases, books not only is an annual award given to a work highlighted the role words have in she described a woman who provide an avenue for exploring For more information visit: of new fiction or non-fiction that healing and coming to terms with eventually became paralysed due to the complex human and scientific wellcomebookprize.org difficult decisions of life and death in medicine. Indeed, the Wellcome Book Prize is a beautiful idea, a yearly reminder that words help Literature us understand the complexities of illness and healing, and bring us can help us closer to what it means to be human. Themes that have come up in past prizes include birth and beginnings, understand pain and loss, memory and identity. Since the prize began in 2009, it the has celebrated books about struggles with mental illness, difficult decisions in the course of medicine, complexities passion projects delving deep into a particular medical issue or another, and even thrillers that explore of illness memory loss and identity. This year, the winner was It’s All in Your and healing Head – an insight into the world of psychosomatic illnesses, written by consultant neurologist Suzanne O’Sullivan. In the course of her deals with a central theme of health, career, Dr O’Sullivan has seen a fair illness or medicine. I was at a 5x15 number of patients who are ill, and event where the five shortlisted have all the signs of being ill, without authors of 2016 were gathered to actually having anything physically talk about their stories for fifteen wrong with them. Psychosomatic minutes each. illness is not something people are I have always been passionate happy to talk about or accept readily Cathy Rentzenbrink with her brother Matty. Photo Credit: Cathy Rentzenbrink th th PAGE 22 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 23

ARTS [email protected] ARTS [email protected] Is David Hockney all he's cracked up to be? Hockney He's beloved by the public, he's very prolific, but do his paintings stand up to scrutiny? is an artist who has for decades shown a knack for connecting with the public

dozens of portraits one cohesive work, and it's clear how the background has been kept minimal Dagny Corcoran by David Hockney. Photo Credit: Richard Schmidt/Royal Barry Humphrie by David Hockney. Photo Credit: Richard Schmidt/Royal and the same throughout to shift Academy Academy the attention onto the sitters. For me, the background staying the signs of modernity. The choice of Van Gogh is a frequent source of Hockney has spoken at length fine, neither would they produce a same does almost the opposite, the colours and the brushstrokes make inspiration in Hockney’s work, the about his love affair with Pablo Hockney if let loose on the drawing sitters take the role of the props, it clear that Hockney's style is not pen and ink linework in Mother, Picasso's work. It has shaped a great app, but a twelve-year-old might. akin to light changing across a wall. a response to the landscape but an Bradford (1978) is heavily influenced deal of his output, in particular the It's not the use of the iPad that's This is a shame, Hockney's portraits inflexible filter like tool he applies 'joiners' series which encompassed objectionable, digital paintings of his mother painted throughout to whatever he sees before him. his output in the 1980s. In these are very often accomplished and his career are emotional, deeply The compositions are pretty, but These are works, such as Pearblossom Highway gloriously beautiful, but Hockney's personal paintings that reveal comfortable, entirely safe. They Hockney manipulates polaroids and are anything but. These are Hockney's true skill at portraiture, would not look out of place on photographs into cubist collages. In conventional landscapes executed by contrast the new paintings are a chocolate box or an illustrated escapist, doing so however, he is never able closer to illustrations. The man himself. Photo Credit: The Guardian. edition of The Hobbit as pictures of to step out of Picasso's shadow to Hockney is a prolific artist who Tolkein’s The Shire. comfortable say something new. The images has for many years demonstrated His mass appeal has proved to have Angeles in 1966 and adopted a style runs through the composition The most interesting of the bunch feel gimmicky and pastiche-like. Hockney is a knack for connecting with the Indira Mallik an inverse correlation with the of painting that would define the the brightness is disquieting, An is May Blossom on the Roman Road, A quick search of the Hockney public. That is no mean feat, and Arts Editor regard in which critics hold him. rest of his career. Bright, flat atmosphere of money, boredom, and in which huge hawthorne bushes paintings tag on Instagram reveals a host of nothing to sniffed at, but it has At his best, Hockney’s work In the 1967 painting, A Bigger disillusionment is palpable. come alive with blossom that looks users sharing their holiday pictures, never able become and more apparent that as fizzes with energy, and seems to Splash, Hockney conjures up a If Hockney’s semi-naïve style suits like writhing maggots desperate to which would pictures of desks in the 'joiner' style. an artist he has little new to say. oon, London art galleries have something important to say. vision of Los Angeles that is colours the Los Angeles paintings perfectly, be free of the green foliage. Here, In many instances only the content to step out It's interesting to speculate how will be in the throes of a In one of earliest paintings, We Two haunting. Bright, flat colours fill it is not so effective in his other there is an hint of menace that lends of the photographs, the hipster mug his work would've developed had David Hockney takeover. neat. clinically geometric shapes. works. In the series A Bigger View, interest. That the landscapes are so not look out or finished geography homework he not to moved to Los Angeles Starting from July, the Royal Oppressive Californian heat, rises fill neat exhibited in 2012 at the Royal uninspiring are a shame because give away that Hockney could not of Picasso's at the beginning of his career, Academy will showcase ‘82 portraits At its best, from the red brick paving around Academy, he trades the West Coast Hockney's paintings of Eccleshill, have created them: never a sign of a or had continued to explore his Sand one still life’, and beginning in the pool and permeates the painting. shapes, sunshine for the more temperate again in Yorkshire in the 1950s of place as robust artistic movement. shadow sexuality in his work, even in his February next year, the Tate will The hard lines are disturbed only climes of his native Yorkshire. are evocative and filled with loose, Hockney has had an extraordinarily paintings of swimming pools, the host a comprehensive retrospective Hockney's by a scribble of white in the centre Bright ceruleans are exchanged for seemingly effortless brushwork. By prolific career, moving from medium most evocative are of his then lover, spanning decades of the artist’s work. of the canvas. The viewer is left to oppressive bright viridians and huge canvases comparison, his later work seems illustrations to medium throughout his 50 year poorly, and what's worse exhibited Peter Schlesinger. These criticisms It should come as no surprise that imagine the identity of the unseen tacked together depict vistas of contrived. career. His latest project involved with a seriousness that defies belief. have been levelled at Hockney the capital’s major art institutions work fizzes diver who has left the splash in Californian rolling hills outlined in navy blue, In A Bigger View, Hockney seems of The Shire iPad drawings, most notbaly of the These paintings are testament to the over decades, which he brushes are falling over themselves to get a their wake. American Collectors is intersected by unspooling lilac unable to move on from the past, Yosemite National Park. decline of an once interesting artist. off with ease. His productivity far slice of the Hockney pie; for most with energy another painting that is perfectly ribbons of country paths. The bright, both from his own prior work and If there was any proof needed that The new show at the Royal from declining over recent years, of his 50 plus year long career he evocative of that particular Los heat bold, and flat colours, so effective that of artists he admires. Anything by Van Gogh’s early work. Van Hockney's work is overrated beyond Academy is mercifully not filled has increased. This is to be admired, has been an imminently popular Angeles glamour. Two figures, Fred in portraying Los Angeles become more than a cursory glance of Gogh is far from the only influence; parody in recent years, the response with iPad drawings but a series he clearly creates work that many artist, far outstripping his Brit Pop Boys Clinging Together, named for and Marcia Weisman, she in a pink saccharine sweet in their depiction Early Blossom, Woldgate reveals his the Paper Pool series is reminiscent to these iPad drawings are it. of acrylic portraits of Hockney's people enjoy, and that in itself is contemporaries from the Royal the Walt Whitman poem, reveal robe, he in a funereal black suit permeates of Yorkshire. inspirations, the bright colours, the of Matisse’s Cut-Outs. The graphic We've all heard the old addage friends and family. something to be celebrated. All College of Art in the race for public his homosexuality, showing two stand stiffly amongst their modern These landscapes are pure brushwork seem lifted wholesale splash in A Large Diver (Paper Pool that a two-year-old could draw The sitters appear against the the the same, the retrospective at the recognition. figures intertwined, other paintings art acquisitions. Their poses are stiff, the canvas escapism, showing a nostalgic, from Van Gogh, but hold none of 27) harkens back to the burst of that; often it is employed unjustly, same background of a mid blue, Tate will probably be more worth His popularity has come as code his attraction towards Cliff as if they were cardboard cut-outs. idyllic view of the English the frenetic emotional depth of Van light that appear in Matisse’s Icarus a two-year-old would not produce and turquoise, all seated in the checking out than the exhibition of somewhat of a double edged sword. Richards. Hockney moved to Los An undercurrent of sinisterness countryside, unravaged by any Gogh's own work. (1946). a Jackson Pollock painting, and same chair. Hockney considers the new work at the Royal Academy. friday 10 June

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imperialcollegeVenueunion.org/food-drink Regular Events Time Day FiveSixEight Super Quiz 20:00 - 22:00 Every Tuesday Metric Cocktail Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Tuesday Friday 13 MAY Metric & FiveSixEight CSP Wednesday 19:00 - 01:00 Every Wednesday 20:00 - 02:00 Metric & FiveSixEight Club Night 20:00 - 02:00 Every Friday h-bar Pub Quiz 19:00 - 21:00 2nd & 4th Thursday Metric || FiveSixEight h-bar PGI Friday 16:00 onwards Every Friday Reynolds Quiz Night 19:00 - 23:00 Every Monday Reynolds Board Games Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Tuesday Reynolds Pool Club 18:00 - 23:00 Every Wednesday Reynolds Pizza Club 18:00 - 23:00 Every Thursday Reynolds Cocktail Club 17:30 - 01:00 Every Friday The Foundry Quiz Night 19:30 - 22:00 1st & 3rd Thursday The Foundry Karaoke Night 20:00 - 23:30 2nd & 4th Friday The Foundry BBQ Festival 16:00 - 23:00 Friday 17 June

imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 25

TV [email protected] This week on Games of Thrones It’s season six, episode seven

Harry Wilkinson watchful eye of the scary nun, trying Writer to talk her out of the cult. Margery slips her a note to let her know that she has her head on straight big reveal this episode, and hasn’t been brainwashed and hope you’re ready to sends Olenna back to Highgarden. board the hype train. Before she leaves, she still has time We’re dropped into an to completely tear into Cersei. I’m unfamiliar, oddly idyllic sequence of going to miss the lack of given fucks someA happy villagers building some Olenna brings to King’s Landing. kind of chapel. This being Game Popping back to the Riverlands, of Thrones, I was half-expecting a Jaime and Bronn arrive at Riverrun dragon to come and burn everyone to take over the siege from the to a crisp just for being too happy disorganised Frey’s. Bronn has a with their lives. Not allowed in good couple lines reminding us why Westeros. Then we get the episode’s he became a fan favourite after such biggest moment; the Hound is back! a long absence. The Frey’s threaten Turns out he’d been lying in a pool the Blackfish that they’ll kill of his own blood for a couple of days before this lovely Septon came to He realised something bad was going to happen when the cameraman showed up. Photo Credit: HBO nurse him back to health. He claims I’ll miss hate is what kept him going but the the golden pimp-hand to put them shit out of everyone in front of her be getting sick of going up to down Septon doesn’t quite believe him. the lack of in their place and requests a talk before offering her army of 62 men the entire continent for this girl. See what he would have thought if with the Blackfish. The parley is a after Davos convinces her. Shame We get a short scene of Theon and Sandor told him the story of how he great scene with two of the snarkier he got into smuggling instead of his sister arguing at some brothel got those scars (No Joker reference given fucks characters in the show facing off. being a lawyer, he would’ve been about how he’s become such a intended). Nevertheless, the Septon This basically ends up with the great. Last up are the Glover’s pussy ever since losing his peen. asserts that the gods (whichever Blackfish sticking up a middle who basically say “Look, we’ve She gets him to drink a mug of ale gods they may be) still have a plan Olenna finger at Jaime and asking what the had enough of your shit; you’re and he appears re-energised and for him. fuck he’s gonna do about it. not getting more of our men to committed. See, kids? Alcoholism We head back to Margaery in Throughout the episode we get die.” Sansa looks like she may be works! Jesus Camp where she and the brings several scenes of Jon and Sansa useful for a second before getting Across the Narrow Sea to Braavos, High Sparrow have a Bible-off travelling all over the North trying demolished. Jon and her argue for a Arya manages to book a ride back before he cuts to the chase and lets to curry favour with different bit whether they’re ready to march home before getting stabbed 37 her know that she really needs to to King’s parties. First up, the Wildlings: Jon times in the chest. Yeah, the Faceless bang her teenage husband and get gets their support with the help of men weren’t exactly cool with her preggers, claiming “Congress does Landing his hypeman, Tormund and a giant Look, lack of follow-through apparently. not require desire on the woman’s saying his name. Then he goes to She doesn’t seem to be getting any part, only patience”. Someone must Edmure if he refuses to hand over possibly the most badass little girl in help either so I have no idea what’s have been talking to my ex. Olenna the castle but fail to follow through the show (Yeah, that includes Arya) we’ve had happening with her now. has a chat with Marge under the with this. Jaime uses his powers of in Lyanna Mormont; she rips the The episode wraps up with the enough of Hound’s lovely new friends getting threatened and subsequently murdered by the Brotherhood your shit; without Banners. I told you that you aren’t allowed to be happy in Westeros. Expect a rampage of you’re not revenge from him next week. This was, all in all, a pretty dull episode. There was a lot of setting up getting characters to be in places for further events but nothing happening in the meantime – probably setting up for more of our an explosive final few episodes of the season. The title, ‘The Broken Man’, men obviously refers mostly to Sandor but equally to Theon, possibly even on Winterfell and she sneaks off Jon who gets very frustrated with to write a letter. It’s pretty hard to his lack of success. read but I’m pretty sure she’s asking Littlefinger for assistance from the Game of Thrones is available on Sky Smug-face Margery is back. Photo Credit: HBO Knights of the Vale. That guy must Atlantic, Sky Go, and HBO GO. Union Page

Your Officer Elections - voting opens Monday 13 June

Your Officer Elections are your chance to make a difference at Imperial by standing for a variety of roles.

We’ll be hosting a Live Hustings for all of our Deputy President (Finance & Services) candidates on Friday 10 June at 12:30, on our Facebook page.

With both Undergraduate and Postgraduates standing for positions GSU positions can be filled by Postgraduate students only), you can cast your vote from 12:00 midday, Monday 13 until Friday 17 June - the results will then be announced online!

Watch our husting on our Facebook page www.facebook.com/imperialcollegeunion and cast your vote at imperialcollegeunion.org/vote Watch Euro 2016 with us!

Euro 2016 starts Friday 10 June, and you can watch it with us at the Union! We’ll be screening matches in FiveSixEight, h-bar, The Foundry and Reynolds, as well as offering great food and drinks deals throughout the tournament. For details of the screenings and offers, check out details in the venues!

Waste Amnesty – 21 June

Student Activities will have a waste amnesty, where a skip has been arranged to collect any unwanted items for free at 16:00 on Tuesday 21 June.

If you are a Club, Society or Project Officer, take some time to look through your club storage, removing anything you do not need and bring all waste items to Activity Space 1 & 2 in the Union building - where it will be kept until the skip arrives to collect it. As you know space is very limited on campus and it is important that all clubs keep their spaces clean & tidy so please maximise this opportunity to ensure your storage allocation will be kept next year.

If you have any specific waste requests (i.e. anything other than general waste such as flammable liquids, electrical equipment etc.) please email [email protected] before Friday 17 June so we can contact the waste collectors/College in advance. Be the first to read our second Impact Report for 2015/16! Our second Impact Report for the year is out! Our Impact Reports detail what the Union and our members have achieved so far in the academic year, and the impact that has had so far. We’re so proud of what the Union has achieved so far this year and with one more term to go, we’re keen to see it be as successful as the last two. Our report contains details about:

A The growth in our Clubs, Society and Project memberships A Another successful Student Volunteering Week A Growth of Imperial Plus A This year’s Student Academic Choice Awards A Our efforts to improve academic standards across the College A Our Leadership Elections and how they helped us become the UK’s most democratic students’ union A Changes in bursaries for Medics and so much more!

To read our Impact report online and download a PDF go to imperialcollegeunion.org/impact

imperialcollegeunion.org felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 27

GAMES [email protected] FELIX’s Guide to E3 2016 As console sales slow, the big three will be betting on E3 to give them a boost

Cale Tilford exception – for the past few years Music and Games Editor they have moved away from the traditional press format and exclusivity of E3 (and it’s physical espite a number presence in LA). of premature Broadcasting ‘Nintendo Directs’, announcements earlier they have been able to bypass the this week, E3 looks to cost and effort of a physical press be as exciting as ever. For gamers conference. And with the slow death Dthere’s no time of the year that is of the Wii U, Nintendo have decided more anticipated and for gaming to forgo even an online conference journalists (which I don’t qualify and will instead be focusing almost as yet) there is none hated more. entirely on the latest Legend of While a few early leaks and reveals Zelda game in a number of streams called ‘Nintendo Treehouse Live’. A few other previously announced Don’t games including Pokemon Sun and Moon, Pokemon Go, and Monster Hunter Generations will also be expect livestreamed from the conference floor. Apart from that, don’t expect many surprises. It’s not just the rents that are high. Photo Credit: Ubisoft Microsoft to In more exciting news, Sony are set to reveal details of a more and many will hope to be as blown So basically lots of guys (and now definitive edition of Skyrim, making show any powerful, upgraded Playstation away this time round. It’s likely girls) with guns. Rare will show off it playable for the first time on the 4. New games will be able to take we’ll see gameplay from Destiny: more of their open-world pirate PS4 and Xbox One. Outside of the advantage of the reportedly large Rise of Iron, a release date and more game Sea of Thieves, finally free from larger publishers, a leak on Tuesday major new graphical processing power increase gameplay for The Last Guardian, and developing the awfully dull Kinect revealed that Injustice 2, the DC but will have to continue to support a possible appearance from Rockstar Sports games. It’s amazing how arcade fighting game, will be the original model. This is seen by (a new game in the Red Dead quickly the internet, and gaming Warner Brother’s biggest showing. IPs this many in the industry as a reaction franchise is heavily rumoured). press, have forgotten that the Other rumours have suggested that to the smartphone sector’s model of The announcement of a new Xbox Kinect was originally bundled with yearly iterative hardware upgrades. is less likely but a number of insiders the Xbox One, much to the anger year Not only will the console be have hinted that the new Xbox One of gamers in 2013. Luckily, those Ubisoft capable of outputting 4K it will will be targeting a performance terrible days are past us now and have surprised some, this offload also be, as a result of improved of six teraflops (whatever that we’re now blessed instead with an ahead of the expo’s official start next hardware, a more compelling reason means). Microsoft will show more endless stream of largely uninspired might finally week could be a sign that the major to purchase Playstation VR this of the already leaked Titanfall 2, sequels. Don’t expect Microsoft to publishers have lots to show this autumn. Last year, Sony surprised more from Halo Wars 2 which was show any major new IPs this year. year. fans with the announcement of teased at least year’s conference, While previous console deliver Nintendo seem to be the one Final Fantasy VII and Shenmue 3, and lots of Gears of War 4 gameplay. generations seemed to rely more on exclusives, the success of the on the industry in the last few years has come about largely as the result of an increase in cross-platform releases. promise of Third-parties just aren’t willing to take the risk, even when there are large financial incentives from the the original console makers. Ubisoft might finally deliver on the promise of the original Watch Dogs trailer with Watch Watch Dogs 2 which will be set in San Francisco. And EA will show off their World War One first-person Dogs trailer shooter Battlefield 1. Will Battlefield 1 be respectful of the horrific events a number of titles based on Marvel of the the Great War? Probably not, properties (including Spider-Man) but at least it’s set in an alternative will also be shown off. Despite universe. Bethesda will reveal more the success of the film franchise, of Dishonoured 2 and the two new so far there has been little effort playable characters (this time you to produce games based on the can choose your gender) and it’s cinematic universe’s vast array of This game won’t fit on your flash drive. Photo Credit: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment rumoured that they will announce a characters. th th PAGE 28 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 PAGE 29

PUZZLES [email protected] PUZZLES [email protected] FUCWIT Solo Efforts 1st Cherry Kwok 358 2nd Nicholas Sim 316 3rd Ayojedi 121 4th Greg Poyser 107 5th King Lam Kwan 39 6th Willie Rush 34 7th Sunny Amrat 30 8th Jan Xu 17 9th Christina Trigle 14 9th David Zhang 14 11th Grace Chin 13.5 White to move in all problems. Checkmate in two moves for the first th two, and checkmate in three moves for the second two. 12 Sach Patel 13 13th Holly Green 10 13th Harry Secrett 10 15th Joshua Wan 8 16th Qiaoqiao Fu 6 17th Jeremy Ong 3 18th Megha Agrawal 2 Groups 1st CP Fanclub 145 2nd Pufuletzi 118 3rd Gap Yahhhh 58.5 4th The Gravitons 15 5th Parmesan 9.5 Points Available 27 Chess 8 Sudoku 8 Word Wheel 3 Nonogram 4 Slitherlink 4

Send in your solutions to [email protected] before midday on Wednesday! Your Officer Elections Remember to cast your

o oe i on ne o coe i i ne oe oe imperialcollegeunionorgvote

isit our website to vote and get more inormation on all the positions and candidates imperialcollegeunionorgelections felixonline.co.uk FRIDAY 10th JUNE 2016 PAGE 31

HANGMAN [email protected] NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS

WHEN THE THING YOU MADE FOR YOUR FRESHERS vs NOW FINAL PROJECT ACTUALLY WORKS TAURUS CANCER GEMINI VIRGO ARIES HOROSCOPES LEO

This week you decide you're This week you're Imperial This week you're Noel This week, you’re college, and This week, work is taking it’s This week, you’re one of a floating voter in the EU security and are forced to Edmonds and you take to decide to divest from tobacco toll, due to Jupiter ascending. the statues on the RSM referendum. Floating voter in wear your snazzy new suit Twitter to endorse a magic and invest in students instead Time to take some time out building, and the only people the sense that you just want jackets whenever you're box which "tackles cancer". by giving each one a fiver. to relax, meditate and do who notice you are Spanish the UK to float the fuck off outside. You see a thief The incessant Deal or No They all rush to the union some mindfulness. Either a tourists; students don’t give to somewhere with better fleeing 568 but he gets away Deal may have got to you – shop on Sherfield to buy a man in a red coat, a post box, you a second look. It was you weather. as you spend too much time not every box is special, Noel. packet of cigs with their new- or a London bus could mean who attached the answers to making sure your uniform's found riches, but you’ve taken trouble for you, so be careful. the back of the Geophysics correct before pursuing. Ah those away too. Bastards. exam. well, at least your epaulettes AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS CAPRICORN PISCES look good. SCORPIO LIBRA

This week, you decide to This week, you’re caught This week, you’re the sex This week, you’re one of the This week, you go to the This week, you’re the plastic become a sabb, but discover taking cocaine in the survey results. You’re gunna ugly buildings complained EU panel discussion, but cow that advertises the the whole job is a lie. Those bathrooms at the union. come, you’re gunna come, about in this week’s FELIX. accidentally sit on the wrong farmers’ market. When the screens at the union where Seriously? Like, why? The you’re nearly, yep, that’s it, Typical, people judging you side of the room. The heady Queen’s Tower bells chime you wave at passers-by aren’t only thing that could make gunna, nearly, ooh, oh, oh, on your looks before even atmosphere surrounding the incessantly, you can moo actually screens – you have to 568 any worse would be extra actually you’ll come next bothering to get to know you. Brexit side – the distinct freely, calling to your lost stand in those boxes all day awake to witness it. week. When will your reflection scents of both Lynx Africa herd who will never respond. and night maniacally waving show who you are inside? and mild xenophobia – pulls until everyone goes home you in, and you inadvertently and you can be free. leave as a fully fledged member of UKIP. th PAGE 32 THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON FRIDAY 10 JUNE 2016 felixonline.co.uk

FOOD [email protected] A food journey in Notting Hill FELIX explores the secret eats in this charming neighbourhood

Christy Lam in Sweden. These small pillows Writer of joy are deliciously moist and chewy, with a slightly crispy exterior generously smothered with caramel. s much as I regret moving The flavours from the sweet and to somewhere in the warm spices circulate your mouth middle of Holland Park generating a sense of peace and and Shepherd’s Bush for happiness. No exaggeration. second year,living in close proximity toA the beautiful neighborhood of Granger & Co. Notting Hill definitely made up Head further southeast to the for the daily power walk sessions pristine Westborne Grove. Those to catch the Circle line to college. who know me or have read my Here are a few of my favourite review a few months back would places I return to ever so often and understand my absolute loyalty never get tired of. Every place is and love for this Aussie style all- conveniently a few minutes’ walk off day eatery – everything from the Portobello Road, the main road that chairs to the animal print coffee to stretches all the way from Notting of course, the stack of warm, golden, Hill Gate tube station right up past fluffy ricotta hotcakes, complete the A40 Westway. Trust me, there’s with a freshly peeled banana, a much more to Notting Hill than the melting knob of honeycomb butter movies and a few cracked pots at the and soaked in maple syrup (£12). antiques market. Heaven. If the ricotta hotcakes are too Lisboa Patisserie heavy for you, do try their scrambled Let’s start from the north. This eggs (£8.20). They are truly one-of- section looks a bit run down but a-kind – pale yellow and cream-like, don’t judge by appearance – this is garnished with a single spinach exactly where the most authentic leave and served with two slices of Pastel de Natas, or Portuguese buttered sourdough toast. For the custard tarts, in London live. Lisboa health-conscious, you will never be Patisserie sits on the far end of short of supply of green smoothies, Golborne Road, east of Portobello acai bowls, porridge and chia seed Road. Expect a bright red awning pots. and a sign in black, old-school font Their lunch and dinner menus are at the door. full of unique creations: courgette On weekend mornings you’d Clockwise from top left: The most photogenic sandwich ever from Snaps + Rye, Cinnamon bun and hot chocolate, vanilla fritters (£11.50), kimchi fried rice find her buzzing with Portuguese buns both from Fabrique, golden goodies from Lisboa Patisserie. Photo Credit: Christy Lam with soft shell crab (£14.50), a locals forming a short queue at the drop-dead gorgeous fried chicken entrance. Old couples sit outside yet slight chewy pastry tart filled embraces the Danish concept of Fabrique Bakery sandwich (£9.50). on metal tables and chairs, sipping with a wobbly, velvety-smooth, hygge (pronounced as hoo-ga) – Walking down south past the their coffee and munching on sweet egg custard with black meaning to live comfortably and Westway is the newcomer to the platefuls of golden pastries. People splotches on the top. Each bite is happily. neighbourhood – Fabrique Bakery. There’s more come and leave with boxes of treats bliss. Other favourites are bolo de Breakfast and brunch is served Originated from Stockholm, this for takeaway. Upon entry you’d arroz (rice cupcakes) and bolo de every morning with items including artisanal bakery also has branches to Notting be greeted by a long, nose-height coco (coconut cake). Did I mention a hearty buttermilk oat porridge, in Hoxton and Covent Garden, glass counter absolutely stacked how unbelievably wallet-friendly freshly baked Danish pastries serving the best Swedish cinnamon full of all sorts of traditional buns, this bakery is, even with such good, and skyr, an Icelandic yoghurt. buns (£2.50) in London. Hill than the cakes and pastries. And that warm, authentic food in 2016? A Pastel de Their all-day menu is comprised Step in to find a small cosy space buttery, heavenly smell of freshly Nata is just £1.15 and other pastries of light salads and healthy bites with white tiles and industrial style movies and a baked goods drifting from the ovens range from 95p to £1.30. There is a using seasonal, locally sourced lighting. Trays of freshly baked hidden behind. minimum card payment of £5 but ingredients, ranging from £5 to £9. cinnamon buns, vanilla buns and This is when the pressure starts. I’m sure it’s hard to not leave with Something that must not be missed cardamom buns (all £2.50) are few cracked You have approximately one minute an overflowing box. is their delicious and photogenic casually stacked in a tempting pile to make up your mind before the selection of Smørrebrød, which are next to the counter. The rustic pots at the servers dressed in red polo shirts Snaps + Rye essentially open sandwiches on a looking shelves and baskets are demands for your order. Don’t A few steps back towards piece of buttered dark rye bread. My stocked with sourdough loaves worry if you don’t know the name Portobello Road is a modern favourite would go to their house- available in white and dark rye. antiques of that gorgeous looking cream bun. Scandinavian café by the name cured Gravalax Smørrebrød (£2.50) Their cinnamon buns with a It’s okay to point. Snaps + Rye. Its bright, simplistic – slices of Nordic style, sweet cured glass of hot chocolate is the perfect market Pastel de Nata. How can I interior with white walls, wooden salmon garnished with black pepper, formula for a Sunday afternoon describe them? A palm-sized, crispy floors and stylish chairs totally radishes and dill. pick-me-up – or fika as they say