Grieving in the Age of Technology
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DIGITAL ATTACHMENTS TO LIFE AFTER DEATH: GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY HONORS THESIS SUBMITTED TO THE PROGRAM OF SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, AND SOCIETY STANFORD UNIVERSITY IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR AN HONORS IN SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY, AND SOCIETY Olivia Borge Advisor: John Kieschnick June 2017 ABSTRACT As technology continues to expand, so does the presence of digitization in society. With the ease and accessibility of digitization, individuals of Western society have begun to assume a virtual presence. The countless hours of curating online profiles have created digital shadows of real lives. If digital profiles become embedded with the “spirits” and memories of their users, what happens to their virtual existence after death? America’s cremation movement demonstrates society’s complex perception of life and death. As the scattering of ashes displaces a person, what becomes of the role of the body? What becomes the role of a virtual presence? Researchers have observed how the bereaved have used technology, but there is limited study of the implications of these digital tools. This thesis examines the role of technology on the ways in which society grieves. Case studies are analyzed to identify the patterns and characteristics of grieving in the age of technology. These first hand accounts from the bereaved support the thesis that digital profiles allow the bereaved to maintain a connection to the departed, and social networks help them realize the impact the deceased had on others. However, some of the bereaved believe that when the person is gone, so too should their profile fade. If digital profiles prolong the relationship between the deceased and the bereaved, is the ability to visit the deceased online helpful to the bereaved? Through meta-analysis of psychology studies, the innate attachment style of the bereaved is the essential marker for the value of the digital presence of the deceased. By Freudian logic, social media profiles would inhibit successful mourning as they prolong detachment. However, according to Bowlby and the continuing bonds theory, digital profiles can be used as helpful tools to reconstruct a relationship with the deceased. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Foremost, I need to express my sincere thanks to Professor John Kieschnick, expert in Chinese Buddhism at Stanford’s Department of Religious Studies. Thank you for taking this journey with me. You have taught me so much. It was an honor to have you as an advisor. I must also thank Dr. Kyoko Sato STS Associate Director and Director of the STS Honors Program. Completing this thesis was a long process, one I would not have completed if not for the fearless Dr. Sato. I am extremely grateful for the many opportunities provided by Stanford’s Department of Science, Technology and Society. This thesis turned into an adventure of both academic and personal growth I am so grateful for the endless support and encouragement of my parents and family. Ko aloha ka’u mea nui, he makana na ka pu’uwai. Aloha no au ia ‘oe. Due to the personal nature of this thesis, my friends were a major source of inspiration. Your relentless encouragement pushed me when I thought I had reached my limits. Bradley, I could not have done this without you. Finally, I’d like to dedicate this work to Jay. CONTENTS INTRODUCTION 1 CHAPTER 1. Literature Review 8 CHAPTER 2. Methods 14 CHAPTER 3. The Cremation Movement 16 CHAPTER 4. The Psychology of Grief 26 CHAPTER 5. Spirit of the Profile 36 CHAPTER 6. Digital Immortality 46 CHAPTER 7. Grief in the Age of Technology 54 Bibliography 65 GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY | 1 INTRODUCTION Inspiration During my senior year of college, a close friend of mine passed away. Sudden and unexpected, it completely turned my world upside down. In the days that followed, my Facebook news feed was flooded with messages that had been posted to his profile page. Not being a frequent social media user myself, I didn’t understand why people were posting photos and messages to his wall. He was gone – he would never read them. Therefore, for whom were these posts intended? I considered posting something myself because I didn’t want others to take my reluctance to post as a sign that I didn’t care. I soon found myself looking through old photos that he had posted days, weeks, years prior. I could still hear his humor as I read his comments. Then there were the personal messages. Facebook allows their users to have personal conversations similar to instant messaging and email. I had been mulling over the idea of looking at our last conversation, but didn’t think much good would come from it. Of course, eventually the day came when I looked at our last conversation. “That conversation” became conversations we had had years ago. It was almost like a time capsule of our friendship. Throughout the year that followed, I was reminded of his death involuntarily with Facebook’s memory features such as, “On This Day” and “Friendaversary.” These unexpected reminders shook me at times when I couldn’t deal with my emotions. As the clock struck midnight of my first birthday since his death, Facebook sent me a notification of a photo that was posted exactly one year prior. It was photo of the two of us he had posted on my wall for my birthday the year before. Accompanying the photo was the GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY | 2 caption, “I hope we’re together next year!” Thanks for the reminder Facebook. Despite my frustration with the notifications, it was almost as if he was sending me birthday wishes even though he was gone. These emotions resurfaced when Facebook prompted me to leave him a message on his birthday. Thinking back to those first few months after his death, I realize that his profile was quite literally active. What was once a profile page became a curated story of his life. I knew him well enough to know that his profile didn’t tell his whole story, but it was something. I could visit his page when I missed him – I did so probably more than I should have. I wonder if I will ever be able to visit his actual burial site thousands of miles away. Checking Facebook for notifications about him became instinctive. Soon the “pings” that once angered me became a source of peace. He was gone, but his digital presence remained. To this day, I don’t know what upset me more – when the message posts started or when they stopped. This experience is what prompted my interest in how digital technologies, such as social media platforms, influenced the ways in which society perceives death and grieves loss. GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY | 3 Significance It is unsurprising that statisticians estimate that 81% of the American population had a social media profile in 2017. While this thesis focuses on the American population, it is estimated that there are over 2.3 billion social network users worldwide (see Figure 1 and Figure 2). Figure 1. U.S. population social media estimates1 Figure 2. U.S. adults with Facebook2 A problem arises when a user passes away. However, due to the age of target users, this phenomenon has not been a prioritized issue. As this generation of users begins to age, this problem will become more evident. The fact is, humans age, and therefore the age distribution in America has changed since social networking went mainstream in the early 2000s (see Figure 3). 1 "Percentage of U.S. population who currently use any social media from 2008 to 2017." Statista. 2 "Statics and facts about social media usage.” Statista. GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY | 4 Figure 3. U.S. population estimates, 2000 and 20173 The social media platform, Facebook, can be used to demonstrate the implications of an aging demographic. Facebook launched in 2004 with 16-year-olds as their target audience. In 2017, these 16-year-olds are now approaching 30. In 2016, estimates projected that 88 percent of 18-29-year-olds had a Facebook profile. It was also estimated that 62 percent of the population of 65 years and older had a Facebook profile. Life expectancy in the US is roughly 80 years. With the number of social media users growing each year, there will be a point at which Facebook will be flooded with “empty” pages. This pattern of aging users and increased numbers of abandoned profiles can be applied to other major social media platforms as well. The protocol for treating these ghost profiles will be detailed in Chapter 5. 3 United Nations, Department of Economic and Social Affairs, Population Division. World Population Prospects: The 2015 Revision. GRIEVING IN THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY | 5 Figure 4. Facebook user deaths, 2011 and 20164 According to Digital Beyond, 972,000 U.S. based Facebook users died in 2016 (see Figure 4). It has been predicted that dead users on Facebook will outnumber the living as soon as 20655 (see Figure 5). Imagine what the platform will look like. Will it still be a space for users to casually connect with friends, or a place to go to remember old connections? Can the site be successful with both of these functions? Or will Facebook evolve into a platform similar to that of memorial sites? Facebook has the potential to become the world’s largest and most extensive virtual graveyard6. 4 Carroll, Evan. “972,000 U.S. Facebook Users Will Die in 2016.” The Digital Beyond, 2016. 5 Hunter, Matt. “When will Facebook have more dead than living users?” CNBC. 6 Ambrosino, Brandon.