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THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 Is Published Monthly Except July and August by the Agudath Israel of America, 42 Broadway, New York, NY10004 THE THE Cheshvan 5763 • October 2002 JJewishewish U.S.A. $3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXV/NO. 8 OOBSERBSERVERVER FEATURING THE INSIGHTS OF: Rabbi Chaim P. Scheinberg a”jyls Avi Schick vs. Dr. Aaron Twerski Rabbi Shimon Finkelman on Rabbi Pam l’’xz Rabbi Noach Orlowek Rabbi Y.G. Bechhofer David Mandel Dr. Jerry Lob FOR EVERY JEWISH CHILD… A CHANCE CLICK HERE FOR TABLE OF CONTENTS THEJJewishewish Cheshvan 5763 • October 2002 OOBSERBSERVERVER U.S.A.$3.50/Foreign $4.50 • VOL XXXV/NO. 8 THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 is published monthly except July and August by the Agudath Israel of America, 42 Broadway, New York, NY10004. Periodicals postage paid in New York, NY. Subscription $24.00 per year; two years, $44.00; three years, $60.00. Outside of the United States (US funds drawn on a US bank only) $12.00 surcharge per year. Single copy $3.50; 6 30 3838 foreign $4.50. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: The Jewish Observer, 42 Broadway, NY., NY. 10004. Tel: 212-797-9000, Fax: 646-254-1600. Printed in the U.S.A. FOR EVERY JEWISH CHILD… A CHANCE RABBI NISSON WOLPIN, EDITOR 6 Vouchers…And the Fiscal Viability of Our Yeshivos, Avi Schick EDITORIAL BOARD RABBI JOSEPH ELIAS 13 Vouchers:An Idea Whose Time Has Come, Chairman a response by Dr.Aaron Twerski RABBI ABBA BRUDNY JOSEPH FRIEDENSON 15 “Professor Twerski and I Agree… And Disagree,” RABBI YISROEL MEIR KIRZNER RABBI NOSSON SCHERMAN a rejoinder by Avi Schick PROF. AARON TWERSKI 18 Husband,Wives and Children, DR. ERNST L. BODENHEIMER Z”L a”jyls RABBI MOSHE SHERER Z”L Rabbi Chaim Pinchos Scheinberg Founders 25 Support, Stigma or Shame, David Mandel MANAGEMENT BOARD AVI FISHOF, NAFTOLI HIRSCH ISAAC KIRZNER, RABBI SHLOMO LESIN 30 Rav Pam’s Special Friend, Rabbi Shimon Finkelman NACHUM STEIN 35 The Price Of “Just Joking,” Dr. Jerry Lob RABBI YOSEF C. GOLDING Managing Editor 38 Rabbi Ephraim Eisenberg l”xz – A Primary Conduit Published by of Torah, Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer Agudath Israel of America 41 Raising Roses Among Thorns, by Rabbi Noach Orlowek, U.S. TRADE DISTRIBUTOR ISRAELI REPRESENTATIVE Feldheim Publishers Intnl. Media Placement a review article by Rabbi Shlomo Furst 200 Airport Executive Park POB 7195 / 5 Even Israel Nanuet, NY 10954 Jerusalem, ISRAEL BRITISH REPRESENTATIVE BELGIAN REPRESENTATIVE M.T. Bibelman Mr. E. Apter 43 That I Can Survive Until You Remember, Sarah Shapiro Grosvenor Works Lange Kievitstr. 29 Mount Pleasant Hill 2018 Antwerp London E5 9NE, ENGLAND BELGIUM 46 Postscript: A Call to Arms, Rabbi Aryeh Zev Ginzberg FRENCH REPRESENTATIVE SOUTH AFRICAN 47 Letters to the Editor Rabbi Bamberger REPRESENTATIVE 21 Boulevard Paixhans Mr. V. Taback 57000 Metz PO Box 51552, FRANCE Raedene, Johannesburg 2124 SOUTH AFRICA SWISS REPRESENTATIVE Mr. S. Feldinger Leimanstrasse 36 This is the full Table of Contents of the print edition of the 4051 Basel, SWITZERLAND Jewish Observer.The web edition contains only a selection of THE JEWISH OBSERVER does not articles (indicated in color). Click on the title to go to the assume responsibility for the Kashrus beginning of that article. Click on the box at the end of each of any product, publication, or service article to come back to this page. Or navigate using your advertised in its pages browser’s menu and other options. © Copyright 2002 October 2002 VOLUME XXXV/NO. 8 SUBSCRIBE TO THE JEWISH OBSERVER. CLICK HERE. FOR EVERY JEWISH CHILD… A CHANCE Husbands, Wives and Children Based on an address to a gathering of young married yeshiva men by Rabbi Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg, a”jyls, Rosh Hayeshiva of Yeshiva Torah Ore in Jerusalem, and a senior member of the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah (Council of Torah Sages). This article was prepared for publication by Rabbi Shlomo Furst. WHAT GOES WRONG IN of important life issues for them to both marriage. Married life consists of CONTEMPORARY FAMILIES? agree to marry each other. They looked many growth experiences – sometimes, at the situation from all angles until they difficult situations — which are real- am frequently asked to help people finally decided that, in fact, this was the ly opportunities for the new couple to deal with problems of shalom bayis. person whom they wanted to be their adjust to each other; to compromise ITensions between husbands and mate — their partner for life. and learn to live together. wives are very common throughout After such efforts and careful con- Marriage is not a matter of spending modern society, even within our reli- sideration, what happened to change an hour or two together. gious families. If unchecked, a sequence everything? Why did their marriage When dating, both the man and the of events begins that can unfortunate- bring them further apart rather than woman seek to find favor in the eyes of ly result in divorce. closer together? the other person. They will exert them- I am not always able to determine selves, to the limit, to make as nice a the true initial cause of the problem. COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE: showing as possible. They will each act When I question the couple, however, A STUDY IN CONTRASTS graciously, hoping to be seen as the per- the mutual answer that they usually fect choice. People, however, cannot keep give is incompatibility and lack of he usual answer – which I believe up a show all the time; yes, it is possi- communication. I ask them what hap- to be a true one – is that it is easy ble for an hour or two, but marriage is pened to break up their relationship; Tfor a couple to enjoy casual a lifetime experience. the couple was not always estranged. meetings, spending a pleasant evening Originally, the couple had felt that they talking about topics that they enjoy. THE CRUX OF THE MATTER: were compatible and there was com- After the date, they return to their homes BEING CAUTIOUS AND CARING munication between them. The many to lead their separate lives. hours that they spent dating must have By contrast, life together as husband he crux of the matter, which is in been filled with conversation. During and wife can result in a clash of per- fact the solution to many of our the course of their courtship, they must sonalities. Everyone has his or her par- Tproblems, lies in the amount of have compared their views about life ticular pattern of behavior and way of interest and motivation we devote to and their expectations regarding mar- thinking, and this can lead, at least being cautious and caring enough to riage. temporally, to disharmony. When remain in control of ourselves to main- Weeks, perhaps months were spent faced with the many challenges of life, tain our best behavior when trouble evaluating all the possibilities of a spouses will not, at first, always agree threatens. Marriage challenges us to Torah life together. There must have with each other because, until their strive and, therefore, rise above natural, been broad agreement about a variety marriage, they were two separate indi- unthinking responses. Disagreements viduals. Getting the two different per- and difficulties will always arise, but the Rabbi Furst,who was a talmid of Rabbi Schein- berg for fifteen years, serves as Mashgiach of Kol- sonalities to merge and to live togeth- test – and the success of our efforts – is lel Ruach Chaim in Jerusalem. er in harmony is the essence of determined by how we react. 18 The Jewish Observer, October 2002 The same rule applies to our children. The chachmei ha’mussar (Torah ethi- and instead choose to cite the making of Some children behave better than oth- cists), however, ask: Was this act the true clothes and dressing Adam Harishon as ers, some worse. Nonetheless, the father beginning of chessed? The very creation Hashem’s first act of kindness? and mother must take them in stride. of Adam Harishon in Gan Eden was an The answer that is given is that to do Patiently, parents must raise and edu- unmatched act of perfect kindness! chessed with Adam Harishon would be cate their offspring in a gentle, kind- HaKadash Baruch Hu created Adam very easy – in fact, effortless. Anyone hearted way. Harishon with His Divinely fashioned guf would feel honored — and it would be Parents try to correct areas of stress (body) and neshama united and vibrant our greatest pleasure – if, for example, and difficulty with their children as in Gan Eden. Our highest spiritual one were able to do chessed for the much as possible. Whatever they can do aspiration is for our neshamos to reside Chofetz Chaim l”xz.We would vie with will be done, for parents will persevere, there. Obviously, the creation of Adam one another to be of some service to and not give up on their child. As dif- Harishon was an act of kindness. Why such a great and blessed individual, and ficult as the child may be, parents still does the Gemora overlook this as the first we would feel no hardship or difficul- nurture hopes for their child. Unfortu- instance of Hashem’s kindness to man, ty in doing it. So much moreso for Adam nately, husband and wife do not always feel that way about their marriage. Sometimes they do give up. They may feel that it does not pay to go on togeth- er. The opposite, however, is true, for divorce is not a solution. In fact, it cre- ates more problems. There are new issues of child custody, visitation and alimony…and loneliness. In many cases, the attitude that spouses are expendable is not daas Torah. Chazal teach us that one’s wife is equivalent to the husband’s own body — “ishto ke’gufo.” The husband and wife form a complete unit.
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