ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 1 (1,1)

Issue 924 - Weekly Friday 12th December 1997 Nightclub bosses back down

“Important lessons have been learnt all round” say managers

business, and did their reputation Matt Pannell even more harm. The row seems Editor to be over, but it would have ended three weeks ago if they After nearly a month of acrimo- hadn’t carried on like this” ny, the ‘student night’ returned Students’ Union President to Bojanglez nightclub this Nevin ‘Bob’ Moledina wel- Wednesday. Four weeks ago, comed the move, saying that she students held a one-off boycott was pleased relations seemed to of the club in protest at alleged be returing to normal. “I hope brutality by security staff. The that students will enjoy going to club retaliated by withdrawing Bo’s again, and find the security the popular Wednesday ‘student staff polite and friendly. night’ - putting the door price up Hopefully, the management will to £5 and increasing the cost of keep the events of the past few drinks. Over the following three weeks in mind. All we have to weeks, numbers of students in worry about now are the prob- the club dwindled, leading to the lems caused by noisy people on management’s announcement their way back to campus after- this week that they had ‘recon- wards” she said. As fast as the sidered’ their policy. “Important Friday 21st November 1997 Bojanglez dispute seemed to lessons have been learnt all calm down, the problem of noise round” said a member of staff. on Walnut Tree Close, linking Issue 921 - Weekly Caroline Betteridge, the Union Yorky’s bridge and the town cen- Sports Officer who proposed the Nightclub Manager: tre, flared up again. Residents

ott boycott motion in the first place, boyc best’ with are complaining about continual d hea her ‘I can only do mysses a ack r pre nts b said “they’re the ones that have ffice stude rts O the Spo and noise at night from students But osal, prop The pair then repeatedly clashed over sug- gestions that the latest incident was just the learnt their lesson. Putting up latest in a series of up to six “serious assaults.” “I disagree with your facts” said returning to Campus. Matt Pannell Editor Crust. “I would really like to know where she gets her information.” “I’m here to rep- prices just lost them even more resent the students as a Sabbatical Officer” ichael Crust, the manager of replied Betteridge. “I’m here as a voice for Bojanglez Nightclub, defended the students. They come to me with their the reputation of his club last queries, they come to me with their prob- M lems. If they say it’s happened, then I week before a packed Student Council believe them, whether you do or not.” meeting. On the most recent incident, the meeting was asked to “bear in mind there are two Challenging allegations that a student had Awards Evening announced sides to every coin....the situation is in the been attacked and beaten by bouncers a hands of Guildford Police, and we are co- week beforehand, he went on to say that he operating with them.” Crust went on to say valued student business, and added “I can that the Wednesday student night at the club only do my best to ensure that you all have was seen by management as very important, a good night out...you have to decide if my with students making up about 70% of cus- best is good enough.” tomers. “It’s something that’s been running for 5 years, and let’s be honest, it’s a bloody Students at the meeting then voted over- At 6pm on Saturday in the main event will take place immediately good night. It’s nice for us. It’s relaxed, it’s whelmingly to boycott the nightclub, lead- happy. Most of the time, the students are ing to the Students’ Union staging a one-off happy. If you enjoy it, you’ll continue with ‘Boycott Bo’s’ night on Wednesday. that, and I want you to continue. But you Alternative entertainment was put on in a have to make that choice. I’m not here to Union, the first Union Awards before the SHAG disco. move designed to shock the club manage- It woz the press wot won it.... tell you what to do.” ment into taking action to improve their security policy. Local resident Mary Davies was not easily persuaded that the club’s security has . Having accepted an invitation to come and 7 Evening will be taking place. Provisionally booked for the awards improved since last October, when she answer questions, Crust faced fierce criti- 11 . cism from Union Sports Officer Caroline Sports Betteridge, author of the boycott proposal. Entertainmentsn Guide Both the Surrey Advertiser (top) and “We are disgusted with the attitude,n behav- Liaison Officer Kamran Loqueman, ceremony is the band ‘Redwood’ - iour and ability of Bo’s bouncers” she said. 9 ey 6 Music Guildford Times ran stories on last month’s n 4 Notices & Personals n largely responisble for organising nominated for honourary life mem- Letters n 9 Bojanglez Boycott by students. 3 Union News Featuresn the evening, called it a “chance for bership along with Dean of Michael Crust, Manager of Bojanglezn nightclub, at last week’s Student Council. Photo: Mark Godfr 1 8 News Cinema and Arts those students who have worked to Students John Hobrough. Any improve the Union to have that objections should be sent in writing work properly recognised. The to the Union President. News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sports 11 . ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Friday 12th December 1997 n The news in brief Kiddies Council For Dome Conservatives heckled Peter Mandelson during commons question time as he announced that children will be invited to help plan the events surrounding the millennium dome through a “Junior Council” - JB

Worth your eye teeth: ‘Road Rage cover’ for emergency dental treatment introduced by insurers Following a recent MORI survey which found that 42% of drivers are worried about ‘serious threatening behaviour’ whilst in their cars, Endsleigh insurance has added a ‘Road Rage Benefit’ to its standard motor insurance policiy, for those attacked whilst driving. The benefit includes £5000 for ‘Permanent Total Disablement’, £150 for ‘emergency dental treatment’ and £125 for ‘clothing and personal effects’. The move comes “in order to provide our clients with a degree of protection against what seems to be an area of increasing concern” said spokesman Andy McKell. - MJP

Welsh farmers: Where’s the beef? TV news crews came in for a shock on Friday night after they had rushed to Plymouth docks to watch beef farmers protesting at imports of French beef. Over 800 farmers, mainly Welsh, gathered to wreak havoc on the two trucks carrying agricultural produce which had arrived. They were irritated to find that the trailers were loaded not with French beef as had been expected, but Spanish cauliflowers. Police allowed protesters and reporters to examine the contents of the trucks, which were allowed to continue their journeys. -MJP

The Gift Of Liver A 5 month old Irish girl has entered the record books by being the world youngest ever trans- plant patient. To save her from a fatal condition which killed her two would be brothers Kings College surgeon successfully transplanted a specially shrunken liver into the tiny baby. - JB

Ex - PoW’s in Japanese Embassy protest Ex Japanese prisoners of war will lobby the Japanese embassy this week to commemorate the countries unprovoked attack on Pearl Harbor, and to call for compensation for the treatment of PoWs during W.W.II. - JB

Cry Baby? A punch up between Scary and Baby Spice had to be broken up by hotel stall according to the ever accurate The Daily Star. Las Vegas hotel staff claim they were called to the Spice’s suite after guests complained of a disturbance. They said they found Mel B shaking a sobbing Emma Bunton, while the rest of the group begged her to stop. The cat fight is believed to be have been about the groups ex- manager Simon Fuller. No one from the Spice bandwagon would comment. -JB Balloons Away Richard Branson had yet another bid to balloon non stop around the world earlier this week. Take off was scheduled for Tuesday. He’ll probably have crashed by the time you read this though. STOP PRESS - reports have just come in that a freak gust of wind carried the balloon away before the crew had time to get on board -ed Happy Christmas everyone - James Buller OFF SITE ACCOMMODATION - COLD WEATHER PRECAUTIONS

If you rent a house in Guildford and plan to leave it empty for any period over the Christmas vacation, you need to take precautions against frozen pipes. Frozen pipes can burst and cause damage to the house and your belongings. Tenants are responsible for taking precautions against such damage even when they are away from the house.

Over the next two months you are advised to take the following precautions if your house is unoccupied overnight for any period:

Programme gas central heating on a low setting over night (9pm to 6 am)

Turn off water at the main stop tap. This is usually located under the kitchen sink or in a down- stairs toilet or bathroom.

Accommodation Office ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 3 (1,1)

n Friday 12th December 1997 Features 3 Sabbatical team in five-in-bed scandal After last week’s ruthless interrogation of two unsuspecting sabbaticals, we extract the fingernails of the remaining three in our quest for answers. NUS conference delegates Liaison Officer - Kam Loqueman 97/98 Every year Surrey sends a number of dele- event at the beginning of the Easter vacation, ing then pick up a nomination pack available gates to the National Union of Sudents annu- and Surrey has places for six delegates. As from Monday week 15. If you want to know With the European Institute for Health and al conference where they have the chance to with the sabbatical posts, students get the more, then leave a note in the returning offi- Medical Sciences (EIHMS) becoming a part influence and vote on NUS policies. The chance to vote for who represents them at cer’s pigeonhole, or see the union president. of the University, the Union has gained a lot conference (in Blackpool) is a three day conference, so if you are interested in stand- of diploma nursing & midwifery students as members. At present these students and their and try not to forget what you are trying to courses are not wholly based on campus, and President - Bob Moledina 97/98 achieve - try not to let the paperwork bog to ensure they are catered for by their Union, the three-year post of Liaison Officer was What does the president do? we found there are so many things that could you down. You have got to try and remember why you stood for the job in the first place, created to act as a link between the students Basically coordinate and oversee all activi- be done that it was just impossible for us to and the Union. ties of the Students’ Union and Union Club - do it, and we didn’t know where to start - so and every now and then I listen to my hus- tings speech and read my manifesto just to so that’s all the non-commercial and com- this will help give us an idea of where to What does the Liaison Officer do? mercial services. I chair the club committee begin and what our priorities should be for remind me. Remember to say thanks - the awards evening is important because people Whatever they want to do - whatever they and attend many Union meetings. It’s also the next few years. feel is necessary to be done, and whatever my job to represent students at various uni- need thanks, they need to know they are appreciated. If you don’t say thanks, where is the students feel needs doing, which is good versity meetings including Senate, Finance, So this year you’ve focussed in-house, and because you don’t get the same job day-in, General Purposes, and Estates & Buildings. next year’s president should focus on out- the help going to come from in the future? day-out, and you can get involved in lots of Liaison Officer - smooooth I get to talk to loads of people, all the time. houses? What does this job give you that other grad- different projects in welfare, education, com- The whole job is about people - increasing My predecessor focussed on internal organi- munication, ents, and sports. You have a once the nurses are out there it’s easy for student input, and trying to increase student sation in her first year, and in her second year uate jobs wouldn’t? them to get forgotten about. Variety. The chance to use your management wonderfully free hand. One of the things I’ve involvement in the Union. her focus was more on national representa- initiated this year is a newsletter specifically tion and the local NUS region. My focus was skills and deal with lots of money! Managing The post only lasts for one more year, does- the staff when you’ve never had to manage for the EIHMS students, because Bare Facts You have managed to get many more people internal because people generally felt there isn’t entirely relevant to them. I sent a ques- n’t it? involved in the Union this year. How do you was a lot here, within the Union, that needed staff before is quite weird - especially man- Yes - 98/99 is the last year, because by then aging volunteers. That’s quite difficult. tionnaire to every student, and we got a load see the president’s role developing in the next sorting out. of useful replies which was fed back to the the courses will be based on campus. The job few years? EIHMS. is all about making sure the students are rep- You don’t have time to concentrate on every- Is there any such thing as a typical day? What do you think your biggest achievement resented within the Union whilst they’re not thing, so you have to focus - I focussed on Well, one thing I do regularly is sort out the will beat the end of the year? based here. Getting more people involved - people who Who do you deal with primarily? internal structures, but someone has to talk to weekly bulletins and do the planners so we The students are based in several satellites have never been involved in the Union And which crisps would you be? the press, the community, and the university all know exactly what’s going on with ents, spread all over the place - Chichester, before. And on a personal scale, discovering Cream cheese and chives - smooooth, tasty, a lot more. Also, with this consultancy thing, what bars are open, what sports are on, and Chertsey, Redhill, loads of little sites - and what meetings people can that I can get up everyday and work solidly and the girls just lurrrrve them. get involved in. Keeping throughout the day, then get up and do it all people informed is essen- again tomorrow! I wasn’t sure that I could University in corporate makeover tial. Organisation is cru- before! cial - the amount of filing hen a hoard of polytechnics con- against other you can do, the amount of You spend a lot of time at work - is that verted to new universities with Universities such as things you have to keep because it takes a long time, or because you Wnames like University of North- UniT (Torquay), under control. Sometimes want to be doing it? North-West Somerset a few years ago, they UniB (Bognor you could drown under It’s because I want to be here - but working brought with them a flood of spangly new Regis), UniS the paperwork, but you late can mean going to silly night to see logos specially designed by image consul- (Southampton), and can see your way out of it, things are going well, it’s going to unplugged tants to improve their corporate identity. UniS (Sussex). Surrey’s new logo and you know it will be to give them support - it’s fun work! Senate has decided that it’s time for Surrey Another good plan worth it in the end. to catch up with these ex-polys and employ- of Senate’s is to axe all the logos that each If the sabbatical team were an assorted mul- its own consultants to highlight Surrey’s department has come up with. Instead, each What skills are needed to tipack of crisps, which would you be? position as a forward thinking, slope-sliding department will use the main UniS logo but be president? I think I’d have to be salt-and-shake, because establishment. have its own unique colour. The idea is a You need good interper- you’re given the crisps, the bag, and the salt. One wheeze that Senate is keen on is to sound one because Biological Sciences is sonal skills because you It’s all there on offer - there so many oppor- gradually re-name the University of Surrey more obviously identifiable by the colour are talking to so many tunities to make those crisps better. Whether as something more happening and groovy.... green rather than a specially designed logo, people all the time. You you salt or not is up to you. Whether you and the happenin’ Senate groovsters’ and yellow simply shouts out “School of have got to be able to shake or not is your choice. It’s all your deci- favourite suggestion is UniS (“you-niss”). Electronic Engineering, Mathematics, and communicate with people sion, because it’s your Union, and your The name should provide Surrey with a Information Technology” to any passer by. at different levels. You crisps. [OK, so I made that up] unique identity, and make it stand out have to be open to new The constitution-upholding president ideas and opportunities, UNION CLUB XMAS OPENING TIMES Sports Officer - Cazza Betteridge 97/98 Union open 8am - 11pm every day (unless otherwise stated) Are we a sports university? Trading Areas Open (food) Chancellors What does Sports Officer do? The reason we haven’t been Fri 19 Dec Xmas ball - open until 3am I’m in charge of running all the students seen as a sports university is Sat 20 Dec closed sports - competitive and non-competitive, that we haven’t got any Sun 21 Dec Hari’s bar - 7-10.30pm closed inter-mural and inter-departmental. From sports science courses, grass-roots to league level - and that includes we’ve just got lots of indi- Mon 22 Dec Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s bar 7-11p.m 8am-7pm management and finance of it all. viduals who want to play. Tues 23 Dec Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm We are getting more individ- Weds 24 Dec Ch’llors -8.30am-4pm 8am-4pm Who do you deal with day to day? uals out of the scholarship Union 8am - 4pm Sports people! Loads of members of sports and bursary programmes, clubs, and I have meetings with the and we’ve got more and University, Campusport, and external bodies more elite performers here. Union & Chancellor’s closed Thurs 25th - Sun 4th as well. It’s a bit of a rolling rock - the more talent you bring in, What’s coming up with the job? Mon 29th Ch’llors International reception the more that wants to come. A big thing within my year is the BUSA con- Possible New Year’s Eve party in Helyn Rose Bar - check for posters We won’t be West London ference, which is major kudos for the univer- Institute or Brighton until sity because it’s putting Surrey on the map. Mon 5 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm we get sports science indi- Injuries are optional, but make you look hard.... We’re going to become a British regional viduals here, and I’m working on improved Tues 6 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm centre for excellence in squash and tennis, cope with other 50 sports clubs and 24 com- links with Roehampton to that end. Weds 7 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm and there are a lot of things in the pipeline petitive teams each. And you need to be able to drive a minibus! Thurs 8 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm that will come about in the next ten to fifteen Are there any qualities needed to be Sports years, and that’s good for Surrey. I see the Fri 9 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm Officer? What role would you play in a multipack of role being developed as people realise that Patience! The sports lot are an, um, empas- crisps? Helyn Rose Bar open 8pm-12pm sport can be used as a marketing tool for the sioned bunch! They are a great bunch to Not that it describes my job, but Wheat Sat 10 Jan Hari’s -7-11pm closed university, and that sport is important for the work with, and I wouldn’t want to change Crunchies are the best crisps alive. Sun 11 Jan Hari’s - 7-10.30pm closed students. them, but they certainly know what they want! You need to be organised so you can Mon 12 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm Tues 13 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm Weds 14 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm Still want to stand? Thurs 15 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm By now you should have a good idea of egate. If you are flirting with the idea then your campaign, and how to rid your garden Fri 16 Jan Ch’llors -8.30am-7pm/Hari’s 7-11p.m 8am-7pm whether or not you fancy standing for any of pick up a nomination pack from the of slugs without the aid of slug pellets. The Sat 17 Jan Hari’s 7 - 11pm closed the five posts available (Communications Communications Office, from Monday of nominations must be in by 3pm on Friday of Sun 18 Jan Lounge & Hari’s 7-10.30pm 8am-7pm Officer and Student Affairs Officer were fea- week 15. In the pack is all you need to know week 2, so you take your pack away and pon- tured last week) or for NUS conference del- about how to get yourself nominated and run der it over Christmas dinner. Ch’llors- Sunday Roast- 12-4 Food/Bar 12-7pm ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Advert Friday 12th December1997 n

JD Wetherspoon are moving to Leatherhead. We renovate Letter large buildings and turn them into spacious new premises. Dear Editor, the views of the students and look forward We encourage conversation by banning all music. We serve a to further merriment next year. range of real ales, fine wines and superb food all day long. We read with joy the response to our letter We provide no-smoking areas and wheelchair access - No and would merely like to ask the UoS Club Yours Faithfully whether they feel they have completely Daniel Stephens and Jake Conway wonder we’re the fastest growing independent pub chain in missed the point! AKA Colin Hunt the country. We applaud the newspapers ability to print AKA Sad Pricks (apparently)

If you want a CAREER we can offer you the opportunities. If Smelly Stinky Sporty you want a JOB we can offer you a good wage and a friendly working environment. Silly Night

Our pay rates are £3.75 - £4.25 per hour h come all ye faithful Pranksters! 1. Wear your sports kit, or The fun climaxes in week 15, 3. Bring your very own smelly, used, Obrought to you in full sexual con- stained, sports sock. Full training will be given to all staff and ideally you will be gress with those fish-slapping, sprout-snort- As well as the usual cheap drinks, we bring available to be trained on the 16th, 17th and 18th of ing, toad-skinner at Campusport! you three-legged marshmallow badminton, December. “What”, I hear you cry, “do I need to bring an assault course, sack swopping, aerobics this week in order to get my cheap booze?” on the dancefloor, and much, much more. Wll listen up my little drooling sillies! To Be there. Be sporty. Just be Silly. If you are interested please call the managers Gavin or Sarah qualify this week, you need either: The Geej NOW on 01372 362257 or 0498 647980, alternatively you can drop into the pub on 13th or 14th December 12-4pm for an Misletoe And Wine. interview. h, Christmas. A weren’t wearing dressing If you’re not interested we hope to see you on or after the time for over- Christopher Brooke gowns or tea-towels on Aindulgence, their heads as they do these 19th december when we open our doors to the Public over-spending, family arguments, dull arti- days)? How many people have never heard cles about the real meaning of it, giving, of, have forgotten or have chosen to ignore receiving, chestnuts roasting on an open the man who put the ‘Christ’ into fire, rockin’ around the Christmas tree, last Christmas, Jesus. We are celebrating his year’s seasonal compilations re-released coming to Earth. We are thankful about with the same old tunes in a different order, what that means to all of us - we are able to yours for £13.99..... Can’t get enough of it! fulfil our purpose in life and be in relation- I like this time of year. Jack Frost can nip at ship with our divine creator through him. my nose all he likes but I’ll be glowing Well, I am celebrating this. I am thankful inside with memories of Christmas’s past, for this, as are millions of Christians around plans for Christmas present and hopes for the world. Have you ever heard ‘the Christmas presents. I wonder though, how Gospel’? Have you ever actually under- far away we are from making this time into stood it? Know where you stand on this a bizarre, pagan festival, if it isn’t already. stuff, check it out. What are you celebrating How many people realise that ‘The this Christmas? What are you actually cel- Nativity’ actually happened, about 2000 ebrating? years ago (although the shepherds probably The poetry corner (Her) Presents

If I had the slightest bit Of vague and clumsy poetry left in me I’d say that the only thing you could change is the present Not the future or past But that’s not true there is no receipt or proof of purchase as all presents are given And we receive the present But that’s not the same as Fate The hardest thing in the world Is something the music stops You get exited And you have to “pass the parcel” No one forces you to You just have to let go It’s even harder if its your birthday or it feels like it is It’s difficult whan it’s a mystery prize Or a ribboned riddle I think proper poets call it “passing by” There’s a lot of presents in the future But a lot less in the past Ant the only way to find a good present is to Get stuck into the lucky dip of life and Help yourself. Thank You! -C. Byrne Join the New Poetry Society - melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 3pm ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 5 (1,1)

n Friday 12th December 1997 Features 5 “BUGSY MALONE” Queens Theatre, Shaftsbury Avenue 15th November - 10th January

he National Youth Music Theatre, based in London is Mary Elizabeth Phillips Tan organisation that gives the film was a box office hit and it chance to young people to perform received 5 Academy Awards out of in new musical theatre works in the eight nominations that it both the UK and abroad. The com- had.This is the reputation that pany’s first performance was in todays cast had to live up too and I August 1976 in a tent pitched out- may say they are doing very well, side St Marys cathedral in especially if one takes into account Edinburgh. The production that was their age, experience and the limited put up then was a ballad opera about amount of time that they had to Elizabethan child actors, from 11 - work on the production (approxi- 14 years old, and it was written by mately two weeks). Jeremy James Tailor. All the actors, singers and dancers Since 1976 the company has earned were well selected and prepared to a very good reputation with 49 pro- meet the high standards set by the ductions in Edinburgh, 27 new film. Although at times the transfer music theatre commissions,8 for- of the musical from the film to the eign tours, 7 Edinburgh stage performance had some weak International Festival Productions, points, they were well hidden by the 6 seasons at Sadlers Wells, 2 visits vivid - coloured costumes and set- to the National Theatre and one sea- tings, not to mention the music and son on Broadway. the well synchronized tap dancing This years production is “Bugsy that had the audience tapping their Malone” based on the film by Alan feet and clapping their hands. I am Parker which he wrote and directed pretty sure that this will be the in 1975. The musical was a gangster effect on you too if you decide to comedy starring Jodie Foster and go! Scott Baio in the leading roles. The

Make 1998 a good year for your C.V.

It is great that you are getting a degree but what will you say at a job interview when they ask (and they will!)

“What else did you do at University???”

Why not say that you were a Student tutor. That, once a week for an hour you went to help a local school. You even have a recognised tutors certificate to prove it !!

Any subject, no experience needed- just enthusiasm!

Show the employer that you had the initiative to get the skills- and get the JOB!!!! How else will you stand out from all the other graduates ?????

For more details of Student Tutoring call Mary on 9920 or call into Educational Liaison Centre, Floor 5 Senate House. ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Friday 12th December 1997 n

ROSIE GAINES - I Surrender (Big Bang) SINGLES Beat up top music for the tamed and PICK OF THE YEAR untamed music listeners. Fairly original COUNTING CROWS - A Long sounding ‘I Surrender’ lyric. The only As is traditional at this time of the year, the Bare Facts Music Team December (Geffen) downside is that it is the only lyric. ALBUM OF THE YEAR - 1 A sweet melancholy tune from the people Different jungle, techno and dance beats have chosen their favourite music, Album Of The Year (A), Single Of that will always be known for ‘Mr Jones’, make it a credible listen. 4/10 I.U. The Year (S), Band Of The Year (B), Gig Of The Year (G) and a they have progressed dramatically from Musical Tip for 1998 (T). then and this CD proves it. 8/10 F.F. ANJALI - Maharani (Wiiija) A pointless blend of Indian music and hip Rob Winder Tristan O’Dwyer BJORK - Bachelorette (One Little Indian) hop beats. Both types of music were invent- A - Steve Earle - El Corazon A - Metallica - Reload An atmospheric ballad by the weird ed thousands of miles apart. This record S - Fountains Of Wayne - Radiation Vibe S - Machine Head - Ten Ton Hammer Icelandic pixie! The relentless movement of shows why they should stay that way. 4/10 the music carries you along on Bjork’s jour- F.F. B - The Beekeepers B - Metallica ney from isolation to mass popularity and G - Wilco - Shepherds Bush Empire / G - Big J and The Piccolo Chickens, back again. It’s not got any trademark 5ive - Slam Dunk Da Funk (RCA) Steve Earle - Mean Fiddler Leeds, November With the Spice Girls officially on the slide squeals or growls, but this is still Bjork at T - The Jellys / Naomi her best. 8/10 A.T. their management team present a new excit- Georgina Tarrant ing pop concept. Except it isn’t. 5ive were A - Paul McCartney - Flaming Pie BRYAN ADAMS - Back To You (A&M) going to be called, ‘The Spice Boys’, but After the disappointment of the excessive thankfully someone realised just how bad S - Elton John - Candle In The Wind rock of ‘18 Til I Die’, Adams tries to get that sounded. So 5ive are a generic boy B - Genesis back to the basic formula that was so suc- band. The debut single rips off the riff from, G - Michael Jackson, History World cessful for him in the early ‘80s, with this ‘Wannabe’, and even the best bit from, Tour unplugged effort. Although nowhere near ‘Boom Shake The Room’! They’re going to Radiohead - O.K. Computer those standards, this is good. 7/10 G.C. be huge. I hate them already! 3/10 A.T. Gemma Decent A - Blur - Blur ALBUM OF THE YEAR - 2= SINGLE OF THE WEEK S - The Verve - The Drugs Don’t Work B - The Verve G - Blur at V97 T - Redwood NAOMI Kevin Marston A - Front Line Assembly - Ian Purvey Reclamation A - Cranes - EP Collection Volumes S - Nine Inch Nails - Perfect Drug 1 & 2 B - Live S - Prolapse - Killing The Bland G - Marylin Manson at Brixton B - Orbital Acadmey G - Death In Vegas, Black Star Liner T - Lower at Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms T - Black Star Liner Gabriel-Oliver Chamero THE MONTROSE AVENUE - She’s Looking For Me (Columbia) A - Pixies - Death to the Pixies 4 consistently good tracks make up this punky guitar-pop EP, all laden with catchy riffs and Frank Fraulo The Verve - Urban Hymns S - Lightning Seeds - You Showed harmonies. The La’s meets Teenage Fanclub, with a spoonful of The Jam thrown in. A A - Republica - Republica Me good start. 8/10 G.C. S - Radiohead - Paranoid Android ALBUM OF THE YEAR - 2= B - Wallflowers B - Radiohead MORRISSEY - Satan Rejected My Soul LAKE OF DRACULA - Fireside Four G - Bush at Kilburn National (Island) (Skin Graft) G - Dave Devant And His Spirt Wife I’ve loved this man for his work up to now, Lake of Dracula are from the real punk rock Emma Clarke Andrew Thomas especially The Smiths, but there comes a genre called Now Wave. The single is an A - Aerosmith - Nine Lives time, when you must step back and say this A - bis - New Transistor Heroes explosion of indistinguishable noise, which S - Foil - Reviver Gene isn’t as good as it should be, it’s only aver- has no bassline which is clear to the human S - Disco Pistol - Saturday Everyday B - Aerosmith age. There is no point in putting out B-sides ear, and shrieking lyrics. All in all its just a B - Atari Teenage Riot with titles like ‘Now I Am A Was’ even if it G - The Jellys at the Union band having fun, doing what they want to G - bis, Sleater Kinney, Comet Gain is better than the title track. He knows it’s do. Unique. 3/10 K.M. over, still he clings. 5/10 N.W. at the Garage T - Disco Pistol leased song, which is not surprising as it has been so long since they were in the studio. Matthew Beal ALBUMS If you like Cindy’s on a Monday night, A - Tony De Vit - Live In Tokyo you’ll love this. 6/10 F.F. WHAM - If You Where There ... The S - Armin - Blue Fear Best Of (Epic) MAGNOG - More Weather (Kranky) B - Chicane After a gap of eleven years, Wham finally This is absolute crap. I can’t be bothered to G - Cream in Liverpool (September) get round to releasing a greatest hits album. listen to the second CD. Weird, way out, T - The Crystal Method and Tony De Vit Spiritualized - Ladies and Gentlemen Wham were the prototype of the boy band wacky, despot... words can’t describe how We Are Floating in Space image which at the time was revolutionary awful it is. The New Age has never sounded Ikaraam Ullah considering the British music scene was just so post apocalypsical. Could be badly A - Natalie Imbruglia - Left Of The coming out of a punk induced recession. mutated Cretan/Heavy Metal music though. Middle ALBUM OF THE YEAR - 4 Everything you could wish for is here from I’ll settle for the simplest description of it - S - Omar - Golden Brown the high flying ‘Club Tropicana’ to the sad noise. Having teeth pulled is less painful B - Wu Tang Clan but nice ‘Last Christmas’, the only thing than this. 0/10 G.T. G - Paul Carrick missing is the obligatory previously unre- T - Catatonia ALBUM OF THE WEEK Denise Nicholson A - Radiohead - OK Computer THE JELLYS S - She (Glitterbox) - I Wanna Be Daniel Jones Your Friend A - Radiohead - OK Computer S - Belle And Sebastian - 3,6,9 Seconds Of Light B - Blur G - Blur at Chelmsford T - Ether / The Pacadilloes Alastair Mooney A - Dreadzone - Biological Radio Blur - Blur S - Spice Girls - Spice Up Your Life B - Dreadzone ALBUM OF THE YEAR - 5 G - Afro Celt Sound System on the Jazz Stage at Glastonbury Festival T - The fusion of Drum ‘n ‘ Bass and Trance (Drum and Space) will reach THE REPLACEMENTS - All For Nothing / Nothing For All (Reprise) I was going to write a pretty typical review of this compilation of tracks, plus some out- GLITTERBOX new heights and, quite possibly, take over the whole world. takes, from the four albums that The Replacements recorded for Reprise. However, I have B - Radiohead lived with this music for years it defines times of my life and my opinions of these songs will differ wildly from others who love them. The Replacements are certainly the best band G - Marilyn Manson - Reading Festival Nicholas Walsh that the USA has ever produced, and I could definitely argue the case for them being the T - The Unbelievable Truth A - Spiritualized - Ladies and greatest band ever. They were critically acclaimed throughout their existence, became an Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space Honey Butcher influence on the following wave of alternative rock and yet remained a cult band. The rea- S - Mark Gardener - Magdalen Sky / A - Suede - SciFi Lullabies son for all the acclaim? The songs. Paul Westerberg had the knack of being able to write The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony songs that made you happy made you sad, made your heart swoon made your heart break. S - Placebo - Nancy Boy B - The Verve As he wrote in ‘Alex Chilton’, “I’m in love, with that song”, a sentiment I could apply to B - Fatboy Slim/ Norman Cook G - Suede B-Sides only fan club gig anything by The Replacements. I love the Replacements. Despite the poor execution of this G - Chemical Brothers at Cliffs release, buy it for the music, it is brilliant. 10/10 R.W. T - Bernard Butler, Mark Gardener, Pavillion in March. The Lights This weeks music bought to you by - Ikaraam Ullah, Nick Walsh, Georgina Tarrant, T - Squarepusher Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Frank Fraulo, Kevin Marston, Andrew Thomas, Rob Winder Oasis - Be Here Now ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:28 Page 7 (1,1)

n Friday 12th December 1997 Entertainments Guide 7

GIG GUIDE

It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling.

18:00 - The Simpsons Bedlam A Go Go, Glamorous Hooligan - Friday & Saturday 21:00 - Shooting Stars London Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 Tomorrow Never Dies (12) 21:30 - Fast Show 7269) Blur, Warm Jets - London Brixton 12:15, 13:15, 15:10, 16:10, 22:00 - Have I Got News Academy (0171 264 1525) 18:05, 19:05, 21:00, 22:00 For You My Life Story, Imogen Heap - London The Full Monty (15) Astoria (0171 434 9592) 13:55, 16:30, 19:30, 21:50 21:00 - Friends Pitchshifter, Groop Dogdrill - London Garage (0171 607 1818)

5th Alien: Resurection (18) 22:00 - Frasier Saw Doctors - London Battersea Power 13:15, 16:15, 19:20, 22:20

Friday Station 22:55 - La Femme Nikita Senser, Sons Of Tribe - Reading Alleycat Face/Off (18) (0118 956 1116) 22:30 The Borrowers (U) 8:30 - The New 13:05, 15:25, 17:45, 20:20 Adventures of Superman Blur, Warm Jets - London Brixton I Know What You Did Academy (0171 264 1525) Last Summer (18) 16:15 - The Saint Earl Brutus - London Basement 13:20, 16:30, 19:30, 22:10 Club Hercules (U) 17:20 - Sabrina, the Foo Fighters - London Shepherds 12:15 teenage witch 6th Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) Copland (15) Nowaysis - Reading Alleycat 14:30, 17:00, 19:30, 22:00 22:00 - ER (0118 956 1116) Picture Perfect (PG) Saturday Sat only: 12:45, 15:00, 17:15 PICK Beth Orton - London The Edge (15) 15:35 - Star Trek III : the OF THE Shepherds Bush Empire Sat only: 19:35, 22:05 search for Spock WEEK (0171 287 1331) 7 Years in Tibet (PG) 14:00, 17:05, 20:10 The Delta 72, Twenty Miles - London Garage (0171 607 1818) Home Alone III (PG) 9:35 - Noah’s Island Jools Holland and his Rhyrhm and Sat only: 12:30, 14:45, 17:00 Blues Orchestra - Guildford Civic L.A. Confidential (18) 7th Hall (01483 444555) 15:15, 18:20, 21:30 12:40 - Moviewatch Shane MacGowan + Popes, The Sunday Crocketts - London Forum (0171 284 Sunday-Thursday 1001) Tomorrow Never Dies (12) 22:40 - Ruby Wax Meets... Coal Chamber - London LA2 12:15, 13:30, 15:00, 16:50, Sharon Stone (0171 434 9592) 17:50, 20:00, 20:40 Counting Crows, Bettie Serveert The Full Monty (15) 18:00 - The Simpsons - Portsmouth Guildhall (01705 13:30, 16:05, 18:30, 21:00 21:30 - Never Mind The 834146) Alien: Resurection (18) Buzzcocks Fish - London Mean Fiddler (0181 12:45, 15:20, 18:00, 20:40 961 5490) The Borrowers (U) 8th 21:00 - The Sweeny Louise - London Wembley Arena 12:15, 14:30, 16:45, 19:00 Marnie, Keanie, Release - I Know What You Did Monday Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Last Summer (18) Pillbox - London Camden Barfly 13:25, 15:50, 18:20, 20:50 (0171 482 4808) Hercules (U) 22:30 - Carry on A - Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 12:10 (01705 863911) George of The Jungle (U) Colombus Prodigy - London Forum (0171 284 1001) Seahorses, Third Eye Blind - Portsmouth 14:10, 16:10 Guildhall (01705 834146) Copland (15) 20:00- University Space Monkeys, Lizard Kings, Riser - 13:05, 15:40, 18:15, 20:50 Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Challenge Keep the Aspidistra Flying (12) 9th Sweet, Les Gray’s Mud, Leader Of The Gang, Bootleg Slade, T Rextasy - 21:05 Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) 7 Years in Tibet (PG) Tuesday Young Offenders - London Garage (0171 14:00, 17:05, 20:10 607 1818) Free Willy 3 (U) 12:15 21:15 - X files L.A. Confidential (18) Prodigy - London Stratford Rex 14:15, 17:15, 20:20

18:45 - Sliders Paul Weller, Carleen Anderson - London Battersea Power Station

16:20 - Animaniacs Young Offenders - London 10th Camden Monarch (0171 916 1049)

Wednesday The Muppet 20:00 - Animal Hospital 22:00 - They think it’s all Senser - London Garage (0171 Christmas Carol over 607 1818) Mon 15th Dec James Taylor Quartet - London Bar opens 7pm 21:00 - 3rd rock from the Jazz Cafe (0171 916 6060) Fiolm starts 8pm Sun £1 only

11th Paul Weller, Carleen Anderson - London Battersea Power Station Helyn Rose bar 23:05 - Babylon 5

Thursday Pick and mix tickes not valid! ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:29 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Cinema and Arts Friday 12th December 1997 n

BENNET, JOCASTA, DUSTBALL, DAYTONA Brucey’s top 10 of the SPLATCH! Guildford Civic Hall 6/12/97 though they had some higher calling. They were the first year band to get the crowd really moving, the singles ‘Go’ and ‘Change Me’ getting the best J reception. A new song ‘Hide’ 997 .. that was Brucey - Ace Cinema Reviewer Face - the best was quite simply stunning, sure- the year that was, British film of the year ly a future hit. ‘Crackbaby’ 1the year that was by no means The ended with frontman Tim kicked off with Madonna singing her way Full Monty but this little gem stormy Robert Arnold playing his guitar while into the school of acting in Evita and looks set Carlyle and Blur’s Damon Alburn. Yet doing a headstand. Jocasta may to end in much the same manner, with five another brilliant Tarantino-esque gangster currently be without a record girls most probably singing their way out of a film, but this time British and with a twist. label, but that should be recti- job in Spice World : The Movie. J fied soon, we will hear more Private Parts - easily the best comedy of from them next year. Rob the year, covering the life of DJ Howard Winder A good year for cinema, a very good year in Stern. Watch this film with caution else your The final band on were Bennet. fact. Forget the flopbusters of the summer, sides may well split. Bennet play a quirky sort of tra- here come my top J The ditional rock. Right from the ten films of the Frighteners - start the fans at the front were year. Michael J Fox shouting for, ‘Wanker’, a curi- J L.A. returns to form in ous song about a boyfriend who Confidential - the this ghostbusting treats his girlfriend like dirt. Of film adaptation of comedy. Far from course, the sentiments were James Ellray’s dark his 80’s outings BENNET immaterial when the main appeal was that they said at and sinister novel and much, much ell here we are at another Splatch event least two swear words in it! The rest of the set made for cracking better. by Barney Jeavons. So is it going to be was a mix of old and new, including their lone cinema that kicked Wthe same as its predecessors? No, there chart hit, ‘Mum’s Gone To Iceland’. Bennet, they the rest of this Choosing the are few changes to the bill. For one thing we like rock, so do the crowd, nerdy but cool! year’s releases well years best 10 would expect to see the crowd full of school kids Andrew Thomas and truly into films was very wearing their band T-shirts with pride and full of touch. Perfect. difficult and there are many more that deserve enthusiasm. But no, due to liaisons with the police The next Splatch! event is on January 10th. J a mention: Scream, Face/Off, Kayla, there has been an age restriction slammed Jerry Macguire - one day Tom Cruise on Splatch , so now it is only for over JOCASTA will make a bad film. This latest effort has Everyone says I love you, The Fifth Element, 16’s. The second change is that Barney the works ‘feel’ and ‘good’ stamped all over Austin Powers, That thing you do, Rosanna’s has had a hair massacre, which hasn’t it. And Cuba Gooding Jr almost out acts the Grave, My Best Friend’s Wedding, Star Wars changed a thing, he is still the enthusiast, Cruiser himself. and Empire Strikes Back: Special Edition, breathing life into the sleepy town of J Swingers - a film with which single no- and Romeo and Juliet are amongst them. Guildford. hopers everywhere can sympathise. Great Actor of the year: difficult choice here First band up tonight was the weird eels- acting, great music and its very own lan- between John Cussack, who played Martin like band Daytona playing to a rather guage made it a must to see. Blank so well in Grosse Pointe Blank who diminished crowd of about 10 people, J supported with the same effect in Con Air which did not go unnoticed by the band or The English Patient - a film that storms the crowd. Even still Daytona performed the Oscars, like the English Patient did, real- (can’t wait to see what he does in next years very well with the lead singer being outra- ly should be seen. The story was as fantastic adaptation of Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity), geous and comical. He even dedicated one as the cinematography. Classy! and Ian Holm who did very similar jobs in of the songs to the unnamed heckler who J Donnie Brasco - FBI agent Johnny The Fifth Element, Big Night and The Sweet shouted “where is everybody?” Kevin Depp infiltrates and convicts the Mob whilst Hereafter. Marston becoming a gangster himself. Al Pacina and Actress of the year no doubt about it, the stun- Dustball, image hindered by their Michael Madson give him a run for his ning Clare Danes who stole Leonardo singer/guitarist’s youthful lack of cool, use money. DiCaprio’s thunder in the MTV style of warp speed to power through with a sound J Romeo and Juliet. comprising of early Ash or Placebo with a Big Night - a visual feat. Two Italian youthful verve and feeling that puts the brothers struggle to run an ailing restaurant Flop of the year - Batman and Robin which meaning back into music. Ultimately a in downtown New York. Most people mused was dull and such a let down after its prequel very bright prospect, who finally whip the the biggest treat of the year. - stop the series now! Also Jurassic Park : the crowd into action. Daniel Jones J Grosse Pointe Blank - John Cussak is a Lost World which was just as soul destroying Jocasta were the third band on, their first disillusioned hit man who returns to his and limp as the film it followed. “electric” show in four months, and they home town for a 10 year high school 1997 will be a difficult year to top, but I can were fully up for it. Looking relaxed and reunion. Quick, irony laced dialogue are not wait to see what 1998 has in store. For happy as they walked on they tore through interspersed with ruthlessly efficient vio- now though Merry Christmas and a Happy their short but sweet and punchy set as lence. Very clever. New Year THE DARK CARNIVAL Insane Clown Posse at London LA2, by Frank Fraulo And the winners are... nsane Clown Posse, the name sounds like a circus taking up gang warfare. Happily this is not the case, they are a couple of rappers from I ongratulations to the winners of last America. Despite the fact that they have released 4 albums, week’s Lee Hurst wordsearch competi- they are an unknown quantity in the UK, their lat- Ction. You’ve each won a videa, which can est effort ‘The Great Milenko’ is a very dark tale be collected from the Bare Facts office down- set in a circus, this should give you some idea of stairs in the Union on from Thursday (11th) their stage design (weird) and clothes (very morning.... weird). A large Gorilla that has escaped from its cage seems very ordinary around the place. Karen Walmsley The posse (if you can call two a posse) strut on stage to one of the coolest intro I have ever heard. Richard Allington They launch into their first song as if they had S. Reeves been doing it all day. The crowd, despite the fact Tony Seymour that this is their UK debut are well up for it, Caroline Betteridge moshing and jumping like nobody’s business. The Guy Brown music itself is a mix of rock guitars and hip hop drum beats with the two guys rapping over it. Paul Corran Think Cypress Hill meets Rage Against The John Savage Machine and you are almost there. The highlight of the set comes from what is easily over, like the circus they emulate, they came into the best song of the album, ‘Halls Of Illusions’ town, cleaned up and then moved onto the next comes on, amid much crowd frenzy and its all town. ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:29 Page 9 (1,1)

n Friday 12th December 1997 Notices & Personals 9 Personals

n Nicky Teachers should know BLOKES at the union ... no names frolicks and possible romance. Call bit? Woof Woof!!! n Salonica Greek lovers are the better, Do you want tomato sauce mentioned ... SARA!!!! Stephen. PS I’m desperate! n best my little faban. on that fish????? Giovani, I’m gonna make you n At least you got your essay n Jon - got a pen? scream like a woman... n Class of 97 give yourself a n done, (I hate you!!!!) Sophie, Rob, Tania and Sam n Thirsty OJ Drinker - Thanks for n Andy stop hiding in the cellar break before you break down, esp. Thank you for my good luck card, n Andy, There is still life in him an AMAZING Thursday night. and kiss me under the mistletoe. my friends have a good one Nick.W love Cory yet!!!!!! LOL A n n A GAG again? My dearests! Sleepless in Surrey. Looking n Louise B, The gardener got n n for a fine female to share good L & D - WE KNOW!!! - All of cvsm uif vmjpm n more than he expected after looking floor 1, Twyford E We wish you a merry times. Sounds like you? Call through your window!!!! n Jo, Merry Christmas, I hope you Christmas, and a happy New Year Stephen. n n Aunty M, Happy 22nd find a nice percussionist in your n n I found quite a nice jumper at Birthday!! stocking Luke - maybe it’s shaped like a BLONDBOY/LIBRARY, UoS. Only thing is, it was covered traffic cone ? UP/25TH/GREEN JUMPER/FRI- in sheep fluff???????????? n Costas - thanks for helping me n So Galey - what will they do to DAY EVENING/YR PERFUME n My mind is going...... n with my project about Greeks. you next? You’ll just have to wait BETRAYED YOU/NEXT FRI- Hannah, which man is it n DAY/SAME PLACE? tonight? Please phone me and ask for Amar and see. I LURVVVVVVVVV MY n n SPICEY MASALA HOT!!!! n OJ Gurgler - Be mine always. n Yes, I did mean F off - and die Padilino’s hair styling,hair Happy birthday D.B.-have a cut,massage & romantic guitar good one, but beware.... n SAM on TILLY 3, turn the LOL A n I now have an identity...SS!!!! music for only 4.50. you know you n bloody music down. n want it We suggest that there should be Did Diddums survive the horri- n Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a vote of no confidence against Matt n Big Band - Sat 13th December ble ten days? n n SSQ has now changed to SP!! the Internal Affairs Officer PS - Be there or be a boring sod. n Want phone sex?... call Johnny ha ha ha We’re only pulling his leg. up, J.P. Chocolate!!! Chocolate. (ext: 4164) n This week I ‘ave mostly been n n n McDonald’s money saving tip n This season, Luke will be main- Ooh, I’m a nasty so and so, this eatin’ James’ biscuits HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE ly wearing curtains jumper is very itchy. Is it sheeps no 9. Don’t buy new clothes, help GODFREY - It’s curtains for you!! n Johnny Chocolate,there’s a man yourself to jumpers etc in the union. n wool ? n So Dave, will you be getting who wants to give you a meal of n Fraggle, blondes or brunettes, If you’re looking 4 manly something fluffy and white for n Jon, I hear you are into angels!! meat you won’t forget... Italian love, call chocolate (ext Xmas? or both!!!! 4164) n Liz A. Whom is the new man in n Rob’s jeans are too tight n n Malcom in Surrey Court. Time n Jo.. Missing you already and your life? CH317.. Back Propagation.... We haven’t even broken up get. n Lolli bird, sorry about the pil- for Tubbie die-die. Why? They’re ‘nough said. n Have you seen my friend low xxx Haggis so cute. n n Knickers, new love of your life? Kimberly? She’s very skinny and n FMF- I hope that the hangover Someone has to keep you warm at never here! n J.Padelino, your big nose makes Giovani, you know italians are well never happen again!! me wanna come!!! gorgeous?... Baby! night n n Te quiero! Te quiero! Te n Harry’s Kebab’s been spoted. n Anyone caught shagging in quiero! Carino! Carino! Carino! n H&C final years, Merry Xmas Happy Anniversary!!!! With It’s moved to the A322 and good luck for next semester. Love... Guildford Court with the lights on n n and curtains open deserves to be This week the Sabbat have most n Simon and Jenny: Have a great been eating ... Camarilla n Simaan R Wanted for killing by J.P Chocolate, Can’t we use birthday, love ‘the gang’. perved at!” looks. your olive oil instead of vaseline? n HONEY... n n So, lets hope you get a bit of Ever fancied going out with See you down the pub - Jimmy Sylvester Stallone? I won’t be ‘sly’ n Wanted: 1 bra, last seen flying G & Georgie B action for your birthday! off a Uni court balcony n Thanks for being SO wonder- to you but it may be a ‘rocky’ ride. ful! Better with the ‘armarino’ than n n Hey everyone, I managed to get Call me so I don’t have to n G. Warner your mum is a n Ha ha, I’m better at making bal- the sink! ‘cliffhang’ around - Stephen 2 quid for that jumper I found the loon dogs than you are at drawing other week. junkey, Helen trouser sleeps in cup- n Trust nobody. n Fraggle, three birds in one night boards? ducks. Quack! n and they were all rough as shit! Wanted: higher form of life to n n How to pull in one easy step, n Warning obscene pictures of take my exams. Did Dave not pull at the Hiking DUCKS seen in chem dept thought n Good Luck in your exams club xams dinner then?????? Hide her shoes!!!!!!!!!!! n Not Wanted: Projectile vomit, to be work of two fyr TROUT BOY!!!!! n Sam, Rob, Andy, and not Tania n Dear Yang Yang. I love you. deviants!!!!!!!!! also seen flying off a Uni court bal- Tintin n TY-Nous sommes jalouse de ta cony - you’ll all be sorry. n SSQ is still here!!!!But where nouvelle petite copine n n Have a fantastic Christmas and n Spam - locking yourself in your Calling all men who play pool are FMF and her SS?? n in the union on tuesday luchtimes a great New Year ... Love from THE JP - What’s that buzzing sound room for hours won’t do your eye- WEYSIDE GIRLS!!!!! n Miss OJ - You simply complete coming from your room? sight any good! ..look out for two good looking girls my life, have a great Christmas. eating pitta bread, they want your n Giovani Chocolatey,I thought n Want your jumper back? Meet n Louise Biddmead, SOMS 2, bodies!!! LOL A at LTE Fri wk14 5pm and I put you all the stories about Italian hair- Sh*gging doggy style recently? n dressers were lies, obviously not! n CAPITAL LETTERS!!!! Very in a trolley and push you down a Close the curtains next time! Monica’s M.A.D. for it!! eye catching isn’t it? hill! n n These American girls are so n Das sollten wir auf jeden Fall Duncan H. You should of done n Mmmmmmm-bop n accounting Engineering. sweet...need some more contact To Sophie. Hope exams went mal ausdiskutieren! with Honey & Little girl ! Sugar. well. Have fun - T. n n Wednesday nite see the dream- n This week I will be mostly has anyone seen ‘the lights’, boys. Friday nite try and pull one at n well they will. n Rach, by the time you read this, The Computer is YOUR friend. wearing ... my new jumper. our exams will have finished. Let’s the Union. n n I hate chemistry (especially E) n Miaow, Miaow Miaow Miaow, J.boy Speirs 4/7. I’m glad get pissed! n you’re goin’ to the jim, your bum Warren we all thought we’d and want to leave!!! -says Ickle Purrrrrr. Miaow, Miaow Miaow. n Miaow Miaow Miaow Miaow mention you as you don’t do owt Purr, Purr Miaow ! Miaow Kat. will be so much firmer. interesting enuff to be featured here n One minute she is desperate for n the ex and the next it’s FNO and Miao n Daf - you Welsh wanker Top Newspaper Headlines: 25. n Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years she’s snogging RANDOM Wanted. Fine female foe fun, n Louise. Curtains open a liddle in Checkout Counter Notices

Spending your Christmas in the Postgraduate & Mature Students Interested in being one of next Union Building: will be closed on University ski trip to Val d’Isere Carribean? Or just helping your Needed! Did you know that there’s year’s Sabbatical Officers? Then Thursday 16th and Friday 17th 10-17 January 1998. Everyone wel- mates from home out of the gutter an association just for you? If E-mail the returning officer December in order to prepare the come. on the way back from the pub? - you’re interested please drop a note ([email protected]) for more Union for the Christmas Ball Contact Ewen on 304791 for more Email your Christmas features to into the PGA pigeon hole in the info information. Bare Facts or bring them in next Union. Hiking Club EGM Week 1 term. We want your stories! £15: For spending and hour or Semester 2 (20th January) in [email protected] more talking about the Union and TB12b tuesday 1pm! All welcome!! Are you a student with a disabili- the University. Pick up forms from Student Council meeting on ty or special needs? Reception or the Communications Thursday 18th December (week How have you been treated at the Officer. Cash on delivery. 11th or 15). In main Union For all Course University? eg relevant support 12th December. Reps, Union Officers, Reps from needs/parking permits, etc. I’m each sports club and society, and seeking info for my dissertaition, Iranian Society AGM Thursday everyone else. Main Union sneak good or bad. Any help much appre- 18th Dec 6pm TB12 preview of Christmas Ball decora- ciated - all info submitted will be tions. treated as private & confidential. Graduation Ball 1998 Anonymity guaranteed. Please Anyone interested in helping out Arabic Society AGM - 12th Email [email protected] with Grad ball please Email cs51sk December 1997 4pm, LTL. Any or phone Garry on 01483 457186 - if you can’t spare the time just questions please ring 01483 450085 send your ideas. ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:29 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Friday 12th December 1997 n

Dear Russ you leave for Christmas. What exactly is the Crossword No. 60 The main aim of the Milkround is to provide Milkround and how can I a convenient way for you to meet employers. use it to my advantage? Of course, it is only of any real advantage if you are interested in the employers who are visiting. Having said that, I must admit that Dear Richard some people do use it for interview practice. I know one student, who, halfway through an he Milkround is one of those words interview which she had entered half-heart- which I always feel I need to apolo- edly, decided she liked the look of the job Tgise for. It became popular many after all. She turned on the charm, was years ago because it seemed to provide the offered a position, and is now one of the best description for the process whereby company’s rising stars. In the main though, employers went round to universities and I wouldn’t recommend using the Milkround ‘milked off’ the best graduates. The name for practice unless you are at least moderate- stuck despite the fact that many people did- ly interested in the job. Without that motiva- n’t like it. Perhaps that’s because alterna- tion it would be impossible to perform at tives such as Graduate Recruitment your best and it wouldn’t therefore provide Programme were a bit of a mouthful! the sort of practice you were looking for.

So how does it work in practice? In the New Year, about 20 employers will visit Surrey in Russ Clark order to interview students. In most cases, Careers Service the Careers Service will have collected application forms on their behalf and each PS This issue of Bare Facts has a list of the employer will have decided who they want organisations, including some Milkround to interview. If you would like to call in to employers, whose closing dates are coming the Careers Service you can pick up a leaflet up. If you miss an opportunity to apply to which will tell you who is coming and what one of these employers, you may have to exactly you need to do in order to participate. wait a year before another chance comes Some of the closing dates are imminent so I around. would strongly advise you to call in before CAMPUSPORT I.D. PRESENTATIONS Across 6. Lift up (5) Calling all I.D. Reps and participants - Wednesday 17th December, 1.00 p.m. in the Varsity 1. Appease (6) 7. Illuminations (6) Centre Bar - we shall be having our end of semester get together with seasonal drinks and 4. Fuel that 13 down needs (6) 8. Trains speed (11) mince pies and the presentation of sports awards. Prof Chris Clayton, Warden of Colours, will 9. Dance (5) 13. Car driver (8) be ‘doing the honours’ and the newly reformed Ballroom Dance Society will provide the 10. Running away together (7) 15. To hide (7) entertainment. Come and support your department. 11. Older, but (8) 16. Drive forward (6) 12. Tidy (4) 17. Half a dozen players (6) WINTER HAPPENINGS II 14. members of the family (9) 19. A flower (5) 18. Ceremony (4) 21. Mark left by a wound (4) Don’t forget this exciting community dance showcase takes place this Saturday - 13th 20. One who is no longer married (8) Last weeks solution December, 7.30 p.m. in PATS. Participants from most of our dance classes and courses will 22. A bird - (7) Across: 1.camel 4.drastic 8.rancour be strutting their stuff in a lively and varied programme. Come and support your fellow stu- 23. Chemically inactive (5) 9.train 10.lute 11.overleaf 13.furore dents and we may even tempt you to come along and try a dance style next semester! 24. Repels (6) 14.kipper 17.abdicate 19.oral 22.throb Tickets available from the Sports Centre (£3/£2.50 concs./£1.50 under 14s). 25. Thoroughfare (6) 23.knavery 24.creator 25.radar Down Down: 1.coral 2.moster 3.look 4.derive AEROBIC & EXERCISES CLASSES 1. A vegetable (6) 5.asteriod 6.trace 7.conifer 12.brickbat 2. Frankness (7) 13.frantic 15.portend 16.stoker 18.dirge Don’t forget the venue changes during the examinations - all classes will be held at the Sports 3. The goal is the goal in this! (8) 20.layer 21.flair Centre (phone Ext 9201 to check which classes are running as some have had to be cancelled). 5. Public school (4) Crossword Compiled by Jeff Blackham

In association with Unplugged Tuesday 16th December. Helyn Rose Bar ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:29 Page 11 (1,1)

n Friday 12th December 1997 Sports 11 Back on Track...... Surrey Men’s Hockey 2nds 13 - 0 Horley

n Saturday afternoon a group of make us look good and we were having none Surrey hockey players assembled at of it! Othe Varsity centre for what would later After half-time the tempo was raised and it become a historic day in club history. OK, wasn’t long before super-sub Baz (what does maybe I’m stretching the boundaries of belief one and one make to you?) added two more a little too far, after all our opposition did com- goals. Ex-skipper Torben (I promised no prise 7 players over 40 and the other 4 proba- remarks about sexual preferences so I won’t! bly not much over 16! First point to note is But who was wearing that skimpy T-shirt?) that our skipper (Fat Fool Junior for anyone added another as did Beardie and another two unaware of his recent promotion!) felt he from me. could not play and therefore only umpire....the The final score of 13-0 means one other reason you ask? Well, apparently his poor lit- thing...... a clean sheet. Once thought unob- tle nose was still hurting from being hit the tainable but Jimmy (F.F.Snr.) was more than a previous Wednesday (no, that didn’t happen at match for the Horley forwards (yes, they did Bo’s! Allegedly!!). Anyway, back to the have some) and made up for some dodgy game. Well, a full 3 minutes must have been defensive work in the later stages of the sec- played before Beardie was able to break the ond half (well, more that everyone was in the tense (?) deadlock and notch up another typi- oppo half trying to add their names to the cal ‘Beardie-esque’ goal. Short corners scoresheet)! proved very profitable with Johnny Boy Man of the match I suppose would have to go knocking in four goals all from these. By half- to Jimmy....after all, how many more clean time Badger Jnr and my good self had also sheets can we hope for this season? Exactly. joined the scorers list making it 6-0. Now Sorry mate. don’t be fooled by this scoreline - this was no Happy Xmas everyone...... Shearer. awe-inspiring performance. I can sincerely say this oppo was truly doing there best to ED971128Issue 924.qxd 07/05/98 16:29 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sports Friday 12th December 1997 n Surrey Shooting Sports Injuries And Stars Rehabilitation

njuries can be classified in two been done, you have to begin your Despite the ominous silence, a Andrew Goring number of Surrey’s finest were still basic categories: recovery with specific exercises to A.A.F.(Dip.) well on track for scores of over 500. I help the injured parts with the guid- Disaster struck for Greggles, when TRAUMATIC INJURIES ance of a therapist and within the tant factor influencing recovery. his bow slipped from his hand caus- happen suddenly. You know some- limits of pain. ing him to neatly fire the arrow into thing has gone wrong and you will IMMEDIATE TREATMENT In general, the pattern of recovery his neighbours target. Luckily even feel the immediate effects of injury. ICE - when soft tissue injuries for tendon and muscle injuries is his disbelieving rantings were not OVERUSE INJURIES occur, the first priority is to attempt passive stretching to regain lost sufficient to stop a respectable score are more subtle because they come to stop the bleeding since this flexibility. Followed by specific re- from him and a number of the on simply as a gradually increasing results in swelling, pain and tender- strengthening exercise concentrat- squad. pain, directly associated with repet- ness. Place an ice pack over the ing on the injured muscle group. aturday, 30th November With the final arrow added up it itive activity. affected part for up to 20 minutes When you plan your programme of 1997. Nine of Surrey’s merry became apparent that Surrey had The way to avoid traumatic type every 2 - 4 hours over a 24- 48 hour rehabilitation exercises, remember Sarchers arrived at Brunel to indeed improved its form shown in injuries is to minimise the risk. Is period. that progression is the key princi- compete in the Southern Counties previous years. With the final arrow the floor wet or the pitch water- COMPRESSION - at the same ple. Start with little but often, then BUSA shoot. Our hopes were high shot, Surrey were placed 5th in the logged, equipment should be time as a soft tissue injury is cooled, gradually increase the amount you following a semester of good shoot- BUSA South East championships checked. The rules of the sport must ing during which club records were (top 3 scores combined) - missing be understood by the participants repeatedly broken. out on 4th place by 4 points! - and and applied by the umpires and ref- With such a large number of archers 6th in the open shoot (top 4 scores). erees. This is especially important entering the competition, the day On an individual basis, Gil man- in contact sports. was split into four sessions, with aged to come 2nd, while Emma Avoiding overuse injuries involves Surrey shooting it stuff in the third. picked up 5th place, in the BUSA allowing your body to adapt to To do well in the shoot the squad S.E. ladies section. Other notable repetitive stress. If you make sud- needed to get scores of 500 or results included Greggles 9th place den changes in your training rou- above. Although not plagued with in the gents section and Fay’s 4th tine, suddenly doing four hours of the last year’s self-destructing bow place in the compound section. tennis serving after a winters rest that had the Surrey squad in fits of Well done to Gil, Geggles, Chris, from the game, or increasing your giggles and unable to shoot, we Rob, Fay, Emma, Nadia, Simon and running mileage from twenty to failed to find our true form. Many Andrew for good shoot and helping fifty miles a week, some part of of the squad put it down to the lack Surrey to once again increase it’s your body show signs of overuse. of MTV and wayward climbers that position over last year. Increasing training has to be a grad- normally accompany training. ual process. ACUTE SOFT TISSUE The Twelve Days of INJURIES a compression bandage should be If you do sustain a soft tissue injury, do. Christmas applied. The aim is to provide this is what occurs. When muscles, Alternative exercises are an impor- counter pressure to the bleeding tendons or ligaments are damaged, tant part of your rehabilitation pro- On the twelfth day of Christmas, * 6 piggybacks on the dance floor with the injured area. blood vessels in the area are also gramme. You will need to maintain my true love sent to me ... * a triple down the hatch ELEVATION - when the injured torn. As a result bleeding occurs your fitness, even though you have * an angel in virgin white part is elevated the blood flow is and spreads rapidly into adjacent or to stop doing your main sport. In * A plastered Jitsu Club * a 3 pack for safe sex reduced. surrounding tissue which becomes principle, any form of exercise that * 11 potent cocktails * 2 fair maidens REST - it is generally true to say tense and tender. the increased pres- does not cause pain over your * Kisses galore ... and ... that an injured person should rest sure causes pain in sensitive tissues injury is a good fitness substitute. * 9 bad chat up lines * a banquet at Old Orleans for 24 - 48 hours and that the and the combination of bleeding, You must not resume your sport * 8 helium balloons By Double Trouble injured area should not be subjected swelling and increase pressure can until you are sure you can stress the * 7 dancing divas to loading. adversely affect the healing injured tissues without any reaction process. If this cycle of events can REHABILITATION of pain, swelling or limitation of be interrupted, healing is enhanced There is never any point in trying to movement. When you do resume so, in cases of soft tissue injury, it is exercise through or ‘run off’ the your sport, you must start with little important to inhibit and control pain of an injury. When you have and gradually build up to full par- bleeding as soon as possible. pain relating to a particular move- ticipation. Treatment should be started imme- ment or activity, continuing the For appointments contact Andy at diately. If it is carried out correctly activity only causes further harm to the Sports Massage & Injury Clinic the initial acute treatment of a soft the damaged tissues. Once you have at Campusport. Tel: 01483 452028 tissue injury can be the most impor- a diagnosis of what damage has ....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Resul

Sporty Thang The Enemy Us Them Sporty Thang The Enemy Us Them FOOTBALL M1 NO GAME HOCKEY W1 CHICHESTER 0 1 FOOTBALL M2 NO GAME HOCKEY W2 NO GAME FOOTBALL M3 SOUTHAMPTON INST 5 1 NETBALL 1 NO GAME FOOTBALL M4 NO GAME NETBALL 2 NO GAME FOOTBALL W1 NO GAME RUGBY M1 NO GAME BADMINTON M1 NO GAME RUGBY M2 NO GAME BADMINTON M2 NO GAME RUGBY W1 NO GAME BADMINTON W1 NO GAME SQUASH M1 NO GAME BASKETBALL NO GAME SQUASH M2 NO GAME FENCING NO GAME SQUASH W NO GAME GOLF BUC 3 3 VOLLEYBALL M NO GAME HOCKEY M1 NO GAME VOLLEYBALL W NO GAME HOCKEY M2 PORTSMOUTH 0 17 TENNIS M NO GAME TENNIS W NO GAME MY FOOTY BOYS WON HURRAH!. HERES TO THE PLATE - WHAT A FINE SPORTING INSTITUTION SURREY IS! HAPPY CHRISTMAS LOTS OF LOVE CAZ