Open Letter from RCSU Erasmuser RCSU President Plabon Saha gives an introduction Giulia Gabrielli on a year abroad in France 33 4

“Keep the Cat Free”

11/10/13 Issue 1555 felixonline.co.uk

Mascot Showdown THIS ISSUE... Faculty Unions mutually hold mascots at ransom COMMENT Joseph Letts Editor-in-Chief Head to Head 5 Integrated vs Catholic

wo of Imperial’s Faculty Grammar school Unions, the Royal College of Science Union (RCSU) education, two and the City & Guilds College Union (CGCU) different points of Thave recently been involved with various “mascotry” activities over view. the last month. h e activities began when the RCSU President Plabon Saba was escorted to the RCSU offi ce in a slightly inebriated state before the start of term. One of the escorts, an engineer took advantage of the SCIENCE RCSU President’s state and was able to remove the RCSU mascot, h eta the h ermometer, from the offi ce. Several days later the RCSU received a note from CGCU attached to a bag containing a rubber bolt with the message: “h is is the closest you will get this year”. Eventually the CGCU sent a list of ransom demands to RCSU shortly before the Freshers’ Fair including the donation of £350 to RAG, for the RCSU President to take Vicious Hornets and part in the CGCU “slave auction” and for the RCSU to advertise the CGCU horny marsupials 8 Welcome Dinner on social media. During the Freshers’ Fair the CGCU antagonised the RCSU by sending people over to their stall to enquire about the whereabouts SCIENCE of h eta. However, towards the end of the event a large group of RCSU RCSU Exec committee members approached the CGCU table in order Members of the RCSU posing with the CGCUʼs Spanner and Bolt mascots. to steal the CGCU’s Spanner and Bolt mascots. h e CGCU stand was only apologising for the theft of h eta, for and that the “thief” also embarrasses the longest period an Imperial mascot attended by two members of CGCU baiting the RCSU with the rubber himself at the next RCSU Bar Night. has ever been inviolate. However which allowed the RCSU to use the bolt, recognising the superiority of h e standoff between the two Faculty during the past history of the h eta “outnumbering” rule whereby if one the RCSU and apologising for their Unions is slightly overshadowed by mascot, if a version of h eta has been party outnumbers the other by a ratio poor defence of the Spanner and the long history behind the current “violated” the RCSU committee has of four-to-one the smaller party has Bolt during the Freshers’ Fair. h e version of h eta the h ermometer. h e dunked the mascot in Hyde Park’s Are private clinics to hand over their mascot voluntarily. RCSU also demands that CGCU current version of the mascot, h eta Round Pond and commissioned RCSU’s list of demands included President Lejon Chua, the CGCU IV has remained “inviolate” a whole a new version so that the RCSU driven by commercial a £500 donation to RAG (initially mascot bearers and the student who (i.e. has never been stolen in one piece) mascot stays “virgin”. Felix awaits £750), a Faculty email from CGCU stole h eta are all pied for charity, since its creation in 1975 representing the decision of the RCSU President. interest? 8 2 FRIDAY 11 OCT EDITOR’S PICKS

BUSINESS POLITICS PUZZLES Be a Mentor! This week Puzzles are back! Schoolchildren in Zambia America commends capture of We’ve got two awesome new producing handmade bags. suspected Al Qaeda leader. puzzles editors who are ready to give you some cerebral exer- cise. We’re also introducing the new comic, Plugtime!

COMMENT Technical Difficulties So you think you could be a better GTA? h ink again! Like riding a bicycle it’s not as easy as it looks! Joe Letts Teach First! Editor-in-Chief Do you want to change live and make society better? o, we had a some perfectly timed technical diffi culties this week, much like when the printer breaks down just before you’re supposed Sto be handing in an assignment. I’m praying that this arrives on Friday, so if Erratum you see it when you’re out getting lunch Hey, so last week we had errors in our erratum. We’re sorry. h is week we’re you’ll know that today is a lucky day! bound to have some more. If you fi nd some errors, want to complain or just Anyhow on with the week’s news. want to have your name on non-printer paper, why not send in a letter to One of the unexpected parts of the [email protected]? news this week is the upcoming visit to Imperial by Prince Harry, of Royal and tabloid fame. h e Prince’s visit marks the opening of the Royal British Legion Centre for Blast Injury Studies, a new LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: More from teh Lolcat editor centre created to improve treatment and recovery for personnel serving in the military. I’m sure security will place of the course of the year. It will this week, from our short snippets of be tight but who knows, maybe he’ll also be interesting to see what the higher education news (including a stop by the new College Café for RCSU decides to do with the violated rather worrying call from the Oxford one of those handmade sandwiches? mascot, after all the current h eta Vice Chancellor for even more fee Another interesting topic is the cost more than £10,000 at the time increases), an interesting head-to- resurgence of mascotry in the Faculty of creation. h ey might be forgiven head about religious integration and Unions, something I’ve certainly for not commissioning a new version! separation in schools and an insightful missed out on as a member of CGCU. Felix is also starting a new feature features piece about studying While investigating the story, as well as part of the Clubs & Socs section, abroad on the Erasmus scheme. as interviewing the RCSU President a full page from a diff erent Faculty/ Finally, keep an eye on the Union Plabon Saba I also stumbled upon Constituent Union each week, elections happening this month. If College’s blog dedicated to our starting with the RCSU (I’ve already you’d like to stand for a position you collection of mascots. Hopefully after seen Plabon too many time this week). still have until Sunday to enter. As well one of the mascots was taken while Hopefully you’ll be able to keep up with as Year Reps and Liberation offi cers the person in the offi ce was literally events and activities of your union on there are also positions available on sleeping in the job, we might see an almost monthly basis. We’ve also the Union Council, a body where some more mascot activities taking got a wide range of interesting stories you really can make a diff erence.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. THIS BROUGHT Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2013.

WEEK WASTO YOUBY

Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud Features Editors VACANT Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson, William Stocker Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, Imran Rashid Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editors VACANT Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Stephen Ball, Alexandra Hamilton, Thomas Heaven, Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi FRIDAY 11 OCT 3

Editors: Aemun Reza, Nida Mahmud [email protected] NEWS

Higher Education College Chemistry department News wins Athena SWAN Gold award Imperial College

Last week Kensington Palace announced Prince Harry will IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON be visiting Imperial College London on October 17 to open the Royal British Legion Centre for Blast Injury Studies. success of the department would environment, it also provides impetus h e palace press release stated that the Prince will be given a Nida Mahmud depend, not only on the scientifi c to help drive the next phase forward.” tour of the new centre for blast studies. He will be given 3D excellence of our individual members, Imperial’s Provost, Professor James demonstrations in the labs on the eff ect of simulated blast News Editor but on how well we work together. Stirling commented: “Gender equality impact on cells, and how the blast shockwaves can be used for We freely give mutual support when is one of my personal priorities research, as well as the simulation of an under vehicle explosion. things go wrong for those around us. as Provost. Attracting, promoting h e aim of the centre is to increase understanding I made it my challenge to create a and developing outstanding female and awareness regarding blast injury. he Imperial Department culture where we can all do this for scientists is crucial to our eff orts to of Chemistry has won each other on a daily basis; making remain a world-leader in science an Athena SWAN Gold ‘fantastic’ ordinary, rather than an and innovation. h e whole College Award, making it one exception. h is benefi ts everyone is proud of the Department of Royal Holloway SU of the four departments in the department, but women Chemistry for doing so much to Tin the UK to win one. especially. Winning an Athena SWAN promote opportunities for women in h is is the fi rst gold level award for Gold not only recognizes the progress science. Staff at every level in each Imperial. h e award acknowledges that we are making on transforming department are now working to success in the increasing numbers the Department’s working build on and replicate this success.” of female students in science, which improves equality in career progression and encouraging others to do the same. Sponsored Editorial Numerous reasons have been given for the award to the Department of Chemistry. h ese include multiple Student Discounts At examples of the department showing national leadership in encouraging diversity. Imperial and the University Fresh Hairdressers Last week Freshers’ at Royal Holloway Students Union were alarmed by a of Warwick established the Irene police raid during a Freshers’ Week event. h e students were stopped and Joliot-Curie national career conference 70m from South Kensington tube searched for narcotics. A 19 year-old student was arrested on suspicion for women that work in science. of possession off ensive weaponry while ULU Vice President Daniel Imperial College London has already Cooper was detained and later given a caution when he tried to intervene. won an institutional silver award, six departments have been awarded silver and four departments have been Oxford awarded bronze. h e Athena SWAN Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) scheme is managed by the Equality All over clipper cuts from £10 Challenge Unit, which is a charity Women’s cut and rough dry £28 that backs diversity and equality for Women’s cut and salon fi nish staff and students in universities. blow-dry £38 (normally £55) h e Athena SWAN Manager at Highlights from only £40 the Equality Challenge Unit, Sarah Dickinson stated: “h e department’s Sorry CASH only! approach shows that they have been thinking about and working towards FRESH hairdressers are offering achieving broader cultural change for the best haircuts, prices and Appointments available Tuesday to some time. h e progress they have service in South Kensington. Saturdays 9.30 to 6.30 made with regards to gender and diversity more easily comes when Please call 0207 823 8968 to We are only 70 metres from h e Vice Chancellor at Oxford University wants to increase their the principles of the Charter are well book an appointment and ask for South Kensington station at 15a tuition fees in comparison to other universities with an aim of embedded in the department, and this a student discount. Please bring Harrington road, South Kensington, making up for a £7,000 per student defi cit in funding. Professor was evidenced by the submission.” your student ID we look forward to SW7 3ES 0207 823 8968. Andrew Hamilton believes a university should charge students h e Head of the Department of seeing you. relative to what it off ers, and the cost of education at Oxford Chemistry, Tom Welton commented We use the best styling products Check out our website: costs more that £16,000 for each undergraduate every year. on this achievement: “I am absolutely from Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal. www.freshhairdressers.co.uk delighted at this fabulous result! When I became Head of Department in 2007, I realised that the future 4 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editors: VACANT FEATURES [email protected] So you think you’re an Erasmuser? Giulia Gabrielli on the Erasmus experience

t may seem strange stuck on level 4 of the library, turning pages as silently as possible Did you miss your parents so much when to avoid any evil stare of doom, but there you came to university that the P&G advert Imperial’s Erasmus Mobility are some Imperialites that leave for the for the Olympics made you cry? mythological Erasmus year; and I am one Every year Imperial sends students abroad to study with a Iof them. Last year I packed up my stuff in three Again, I am not saying that you shouldn’t go large number being sent via the Erasmus scheme. bags and fi ve boxes and left for Montpellier, abroad if leaving your parents the fi rst time was a France. I’m back in London now, new fl at, new bit of a trauma. Some years will have passed when year, but I am still haunted by the memory of you eventually leave, and you will be older and those wonderful days. Every French tourist on wiser. But if you enjoy the comfort of your home FROM IMPERIAL TO IMPERIAL the tube makes me want to jump on a plane and and the people you’ve known all your life, there every mention of cheese, wine or garlic makes is no need to leave, you can make new friends me more than acceptably emotional. h e truth is anywhere, and new experiences are new and I’ve got Erasmus blues. I met some lovely people, exciting no matter what country you’re in. h e saw new places, lived in a foreign country, learnt same thing goes for your boyfriend/girlfriend. 34 FRANCE 40 a diff erent language blah, blah, blah… Really Most students take a year in another university to I did all of the things it says on the brochure. I “get to know” another culture… one member of also made friends with people with names like the opposite sex at a time. Possibilities are endless Pierre-Etienne and Delphine, and spent and awful as well, because Erasmus students (and I am sorry lot of time playing board games with the best to say this but English ones in particular) have a group of French nerds ever. I made friends from bit of a reputation. But if you have someone to all over the world and found couches for all my snuggle up to while watching TV, then well done! 9 GERMANY 29 future interrailing plans across Europe. Even so, You’ve earned the chance spend as much time happiness is a question of timing, and more than as possible with them! Go be a smug couple if once I have heard fellow students describing their you are so inclined, because no one will be very Erasmus experiences far less enthusiastically tolerant of your endless pining for a far away than me. For an unlucky Erasmuser, the French loved one once you leave Britain. aren’t sophisticated, they’re stuck-up, the Spanish aren’t friendly they’re loud, the English aren’t… Are you comfortable drinking large 0 ITALY 10 well I don’t know what positive things they say quantities of local alcoholic beverages in about us, but add your own disgusting food-bad order to improve your foreign language humour stereotype at this point. In order to avoid abilities? any disappointment, here is a list of some major pointers to think about if you are considering h is is probably the least worrying of the whether of not you could be an Erasmuser: considerations: I left London a lightweight drinker who couldn’t have a pint of cider at the 4 NETHERLANDS 1 Did you enjoy group holidays as a child? union without stumbling home afterwards, and I return with the drinking stamina of a Erasmus, especially in the fi rst few weeks, small Australian rugby team. However, feeling involves a lot of mingling and travelling to places uncomfortable about the language is a hard part of with large groups of people. Usually your host going on an Erasmus. h e truth is that one never university will organize some form of meeting really feels like the same person when speaking or, if the institution isn’t very hands-on, you can a foreign language: jokes seem lamer; feelings join your local Erasmus Facebook page. h ere appear impossible to translate into phrases, and 7 SPAIN 21 is usually a lot of souvenir buying, queuing occasionally, or very often, people laugh at your together for things like banks and phone shops mistakes. h is is something to consider because, and generally awkward interacting (if you are if you are a naturally shy person, it is unlikely that unlucky). If childhood experiences like scouting you will discover your inner lion while talking and school trips to the zoo didn’t traumatize German to a group of Bavarian footballers from you, it’s more likely that you will enjoy visiting a the local club. Even so, at the end of the time you church/random Roman theatre/weirdly shaped spend abroad you will have achieved some goals 1 SWEDEN 2 cave with total strangers. But be aware that this is from a linguistic point of view, and anyway, there part of the process. are always other Erasmus students, and chances are that you might be able to sneak a few cheeky Do you have your mind set on what you English phrases here and there. want to do after university? Having considered all these things, you should Erasmus is an academic and professional now consider this: nobody is, ever, ever again 10 SWITZERLAND 18 experience, but don’t be fooled, it isn’t a year in going to sponsor you for meeting lovely people, research or industry. You will grow on a personal seeing new places, living in a foreign country, level and you will learn things about yourself and learning a diff erent language and, yeah, doing all what you want to do “when you grow up”. But if the things it says on the brochure. You might get B_rhnmabgdmaZmrhn]ebd^mh`^mbgoheo^]pbmama^>kZlfnl you already know these things, why bother? For the occasional feeling, reminiscent about the time scheme or even meet some Erasmus students, why not some people Erasmus just isn’t the right choice, if you were picked last for the volley team in PE, but contact the Erasmus club? you’re eager to fi nish your studies and are scared those passed then, and now the odds are all in your to lose your friends as they graduate and leave favour. You came to Imperial a scared fresher, and you to reach all their goals of wealth and fame, now you’re a cool, easygoing Imperialite and full Otherwise if you think you could have made a better you don’t have to do it. On the other hand, if you of friends! It’s time to do it again and become an infographic, contact [email protected] are so determined, a welcome break before you Erasmuser! If you’re really lucky you might even start your lifetime of achievements could be a meet a group of lovely nerds and spend the best SOURCE: IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON good idea. few months of your life. Disclaimer: students are advised to check out the situation in their own deptartment FRIDAY 11 OCT 5

Editors: VACANT [email protected] WHAT’S ON

Careers - What’s On

We need a What’s On editor to design this page, so please do email in to apply. No experience necessary. In the meanwhile we’ve picked up some careers events for you to go to (most of you will fi nd these most helpful out of this week’s events).

Careers Seminars

Interview Skills Seminar Monday 14 October, 16:15 – 17:15 (Book via JobsLive)

An Introduction to Assessment Centres Seminar Tuesday 15 October, 16:15 – 17:15 (Book via JobsLive)

Create a Winning CV Seminar Wednesday 16 October, 16:15 – 17:15 Friday 18 October, 16:15 – 17:15 (Book via JobsLive)

Eff ective Applications Seminar h ursday 17 October, 16:15 – 17:15 (Book via JobsLive)

Careers Service Workshop

Preparing For Assessment Centres - Presentation Skills Monday 14 October, 12:30 – 14:00 (Book via JobsLive)

Preparing For Assessment Centres – In-tray/E- tray Exercises Tuesday 15 October, 12:30 – 14:00 (Book via JobsLive)

Group Mock Interview Workshop Wednesday 16 October, 12:30 – 14:00 Join our team of award-winning (Book via JobsLive) Preparing for Assessment Centres – Group Activities student bloggers! h ursday 17 October, 12:30 – 14:00 (Book via JobsLive) Simply send us 600 words about your start of term experience, whether you are a fresher or a returning undergrad or postgrad. More Accenture (Recruiter in Residence) Alternatively, submit a photo-blog entry about Welcome Week – Monday 14 October, 11:00 - 15:00 (Book via JobsLive) don’t forget to add captions! Unilever (Recruiter in Residence) h ursday 17 October, 11:00 - 15:00 Send your submission by noon on Monday 14 October (Book via JobsLive) to [email protected] IPG MediaBrands (Recruiter in Residence) Friday 18 October, 11:00 - 15:00 (Book via JobsLive)

Consultancy Careers Forum h ursday 17 October, 18:30 - 21:00 £www.imperial.ac.uk/studentblogs (Book via JobsLive) Pop-up CV Check – Queen’s Tower Room Monday 14 October, 12:45 - 13:45 6 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: James Tsim BUSINESS [email protected] Interested in enterprise? Imperial Hub Project: Become a mentor for school businesses

solely depend on external sources of chicken and egg production, manag- bounce creative ideas” explains Susan- income, the Foundation has managed ing dairy, pigs, and a vegetable gar- nah Morcowitz, a School Enterprise Lily Le to facilitate it from being previously den, students are able to gain techni- Challenge Programme Fellow at Teach Writer dependent on decreasing government cal skills and business experience in a a Man to Fish. subsidies and facing high dropout range of enterprises, as well as know “h ey can be the pivot for launching Join the Imagine you are not at Imperial. You rates. h e San Francisco School is now that their eff orts are paying for their the school enterprises into excellence have never heard of Felix and you are a 100% self-suffi cient model that was own education. thanks to the confi dence students and Felix not sitting here reading this article. able to generate $300,000 in fi ve years. It is a great step-forward to empow- teachers gain from their encouraging What a dream. No dull lectures, ridic- How? h e solution, when expressed ering students, teachers, and whole words.” ulously diffi cult coursework, or seem- aloud, seems so simple and obvious – communities to alleviate themselves h e talent and drive of Imperial Col- Business ingly un-passable exams. But imagine successful school businesses! from poverty and educational disad- lege students does not go unnoticed that it wasn’t out of choice – imagine h anks to this approach, students vantage. and is something the organisation be- you never obtained the opportunity to at the San Francisco School pay only In order to reach out and encourage lieves could make an enormous impact Team study here, or to do any studying at all $10 a month in fees. All school leavers even more schools to set up successful on schools around the world. in fact. According to UNESCO, this are now working for successful busi- businesses Teach A Man To Fish run “Mentoring is a great opportunity for Today! is the reality for 57 million primary nesses, are self-employed, or enrolled the annual School Enterprise Chal- Imperial students with an interest in en- school-aged and 69 million lower in higher education. lenge. In this global business planning terprise to gain experience working on a secondary school-aged children as of h is innovative method has been competition, schools are guided dur- global business planning competition,” 2011 around the world. h ere are huge spread around the world by the Foun- ing the fi rst stage to think of a business states Morcowitz. eff orts to try and get these fi gures dation’s UK-based sister charity Teach idea and write business and fi nancial “Not only is it a chance to gain skills in Are you down to 0, but it is still a long way off . a Man to Fish. “Give a man a fi sh and plans. During the second stage they communication, leadership and men- It is diffi cult to identify the contri- he will eat for a day. Teach a man to set up and run their own enterprise. toring, but it is also a huge benefi t for interested in bution that each barrier has on imped- fi sh and he will eat for a lifetime.” At both stages schools are able to to schools around the world who are look- ing these children’s rights to educa- Teach school children how to set up win cash prizes which can be invested ing to provide pupils with the soft skills fi nance or tion. Nevertheless, this is not a reason and run their own socially-responsible in their businesses. h ey range from to succeed in future employment.” to sit back and wait for the statistics to and environmentally-friendly enter- textiles, to recycling, vegetable gar- At Imperial Hub, a project is being run business within fl ow in before we make a move. prises and not only will they gain real- dens, arts and crafts, and furniture- for students interested in or studying In line with the Millennium Devel- life, hands-on skills, and the business making. business-related subjects to be an inspi- jounalism? opment Goal that “by 2015, children experience required to succeed after What if a school is already running rational role model for such schools in a everywhere will be able to complete leaving school; but they will also help a successful business? No problem, disadvantaged position. h is is carried a full course in primary schooling”, their schools to generate sustainable the School Enterprise Challenge has a out in the form of two hours a month and even beyond, charities all over the income. Education that pays for itself. section to encourage these schools to of mentoring via e-mail at times to suit Send an email world are working to change the cur- Teach a Man to Fish work close- keep going. the mentor in order to provide feedback rent situation. ly with La Bastilla Technical High To support schools to get the most and support to school businesses. to: One example is the Paraguayan School in Nicuragua with the aim for out of the competition, they are of- If you would like to spend a small Foundation for Cooperation and De- it to become fully self-suffi cient within fered the opportunity to form partner- amount of time developing your pro- felix.business@ velopment an organisation which aids the next two years. Currently only 20% ships with other schools taking part fessional skills but make a huge impact, schools in Latin America to improve of young people in the Jinotega De- and apply for a business mentor. checkout more information at www.im- imperial.ac.uk access to education for young people. partment, where the school is located, “Mentors play a vital role in encour- perialhub.org/teach-a-man-to-fi sh. By showing the San Francisco school attend secondary school. By setting aging the pupils through challenges “h ese are the views of the writer in Paraguay that they do not need to up and running a touristic Ecolodge, and acting as a sounding board to and not the organisations”

“by 2015, children everywhere will be able to complete a full course in primary schooling”

Indeco School in Zambia - developing their tailoring business and producing handmade bags! Hereʼs a picture RACHEL BROCK: NOVEL BLOG of the students having fun as they sort out the materials. Text to World: Donʼt give a man a fi sh Deutsche Bank db.com/careers

Can I have a banking career without being a mathematician?

Agile minds think you could be a vital part of the equation

Global Graduate Programs You don’t have to be a mathematical genius to have a future at Deutsche Bank. While numerical ability is certainly essential, the sheer scale of our organization means that we need graduates from a wide range of disciplines. Graduates with the intellectual curiosity and the determination to deliver innovative solutions for our clients. If that’s you, there could be an exceptionally rewarding future for you here.

&KUEQXGTUQOGVJKPIFKɥGTGPVCVdb.com/careers 8 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected]

Fiona’s science corner Hype, hope and headlines Fiona Hartley Science Editor

Here we are at the end of the fi rst proper week and here’s a new spread Jamie Rickman of science to educate and hopefully entertain you. Philippa introduced me as a ‘bubbling biologist’ last week, which is an exaggeration, but true Science Writer to form this week’s news story that has struck me is a biological one. h e relationship between scientists, I strongly dislike common wasps. So it’s not diffi cult to understand the media and the public is fraught with Getty Images that the concept of gigantic, venomous, aggressive wasps that can the dangers of miscommunication kill you make me glad that I live in Britain. Inhabit a place where a and exploitation. h e question of Some argue that all scientifi c can always be demanded, there is no species whose queens can grow to be over 5cm long? No thanks. where the responsibility must lie research should be open access, body of patients to undertake large when a patient becomes a victim we shouldn’t patronise the public clinical trials and evidence for existing Despite this, reports that hornets are responsible for over 40 deaths and at least 1600 is not easily answered. h is is through censorship. h e minimum treatments will get weaker and weaker. injuries in the Chinese province of Shaanxi this summer have me weirdly enthralled. particularly true of fertility research, requirement is factual, well referenced h ere is a disjuncture between the Hornet attacks are a fact of life in the area, but this year’s attacks are unprecedented an area that touches on one of the reporting. It is the patient’s role conception of the general public in number and severity. It’s not hard to fi nd photographs of unfortunate most profound aspects of all our lives. to undertake their own research of science as an orthodox body victims on the Internet. h eir wounds look like small necrotic bullet holes. While some of us may be more and weigh up evidence against of knowledge and the reality that impatient than others for the dawn potential risk and cost utilising clinical trials are extremely sensitive Deaths are being attributed to both the Asian giant hornet and the Asian of quantum computing, the wait is public guidelines such as those and interpreting results is not predatory wasp. h e Asian giant hornet’s sting is the most venomous wasp unlikely to have any personal cost. issued by NICE (National Institute straightforward. Journalists, hungry sting known. h e venom is capable of destroying red blood cells and thus h e same is not true of fertility of Health and Care Excellence). for heart-pounding stories of miracle causing kidney failure and death. Even if one hasn’t received a fatal dose of research where the cost is the chance However it is doctors who have the babies and with deadlines to meet, venom many suff er an allergic response and may die of anaphylaxis. h e of parenthood and the temporal access to treatments and the expertise often widen rather than resolve this Asian predatory wasp is smaller but incredibly aggressive – people have window is not even a lifetime, but to best advise their patients, putting gulf. A good science journalist must described being chased for hundreds of metres by swarms of these hornets. the reproductive cycle of a woman. them ultimately in the position of take some responsibility, as mediator New technologies can take decades to power. An uncomfortable tension between expert and lay-person, to h ere is a lot of blame going around regarding the high number of attacks. h e be developed from concept to fi nished then arises between scientifi c integrity report tentative results with caution. authorities have pointed to a prolonged period of dry and warm weather that product, for some families waiting and good business. Is it exploitative It is perhaps the duty of the science has allowed hornet colonies to thrive. Environmentalists blame urbanisation for the gold standard of proof in for a clinician to off er an expensive writer to report all progress, however of habitat where hornets build their nests. Others have cited additional clinical trials, randomized controlled but unproven treatment to a desperate incremental. But small steps can too ecological factors like a reduction in the numbers of hornets’ natural enemies. testing, this is not an option. h e family? Or for a research group to often translate as a ‘breakthrough urgent nature of fertility treatment portray their results in a favourable new technology’ in print. h e combination of these issues has surely led to the situation the Chinese people demands a more nuanced evaluation light in order to garner more funding? h ese issues were all discussed at fi nd themselves in this year. Unfortunately it cannot be fi xed peacefully. Hornets of evidence. h e question is then, What’s more private clinics driven a recent debate held by PET, the have their numbers and their venom. Humans have hospitals and fl amethrowers. who is responsible for this? Should by commercial interest off er many Progress Educational Trust, who seek scientists and doctors withhold treatments unavailable on the NHS. to infl uence policy on ethical issues Who will win? Well, in the end humans always win. As a biologist unproven results? Is it the role of h is creates a consumer-led industry in science. h e debate concluded that that saddens me. Yet I can’t help it; the instinctive and selfi sh part a science journalist to identify bad that knocks scientifi c progress off accountability must be held by all in of me looks at an Asian giant hornet and thinks, “Good riddance.” research? Or is the patient ultimately course, to the detriment of future the information stream. h e take home responsible for their own decisions? generations. If the newest treatments message - pause before you publish. Marsupials don’t stop until they drop Are you dying for sex? Philippa Skett tells us that if you compare yourself to male marsupial mice, you really arenʼt h e Imperial male is very much numbers after the breeding season. window, female marsupial mice are being no selectional pressure for a wonder to behold. What this Semelparity is often a mechanism also highly promiscuous to ensure prolonged survival, this pattern of population lacks in female adapted for organisms with short the production of off spring for the semelparity is set to continue long into companionship is makes up with a breeding seasons or those that future. Coupled with the competition the evolutionary future. Fortunately, multitude of complex social rituals; experience fl uctuations in food of a whole host of horny suicidal the same cannot be said for the whether it is the drinking circles of the availability. Females are thought to males, this breeding season leads Imperial male, as once they leave the rugby team, the LAN parties of the time breeding sessions to correspond to a sexual frenzy, something akin confi nes of the university community, computer scientists or the Friday night to peaks in certain insect populations, to that only seen at seasonal balls they generally metamorphose into pizza fest down in the sci-fi library. to ensure both the maximal survival with gregariously large bar tabs a more respected, social member of It may not come as a surprise that the of the mother and her undeveloped and no 9am lectures the next day. the wider population and can use mating mannerisms of the Imperial young that will require weeks h e marsupial males only have one humour, charm, looks and a large male contrasts with a sexual ferocity of care. h ey therefore are only shot, and pour everything they have city wage to secure a mate instead. recently discovered in a much smaller, available for mating once a year, Cathy Wilcox into making it truly deliver. h ey It is debatable as to which male of usually more docile species - the and for these mice a year can be a concentrate all biological eff orts into either species is more successful, as marsupial mouse. A study published long and perilous road for survival. producing particularly potent sperm although the marsupial mouse seems this week and conducted by the h e male mice therefore put all they the night in the Wolfson suite. at the cost of their immune system to have a sex life that is more exciting University of Queensland, Australia, have (literally and fi guratively) into h e diff erence is that the eff orts strength, resulting in an increased than an average imperial male, found that marsupial mice were mating during this temporarily open of the mouse are more likely to be susceptibility to disease after mating their lives in general are very much mating with such vigour and intensity slot (again, literally and fi guratively). much more fruitful- producing season. h is is not experienced in shorter. Personally, I think that until that they then died due to disease or h ey may mate continuously for off spring, despite risking death is the female population, so males will a marsupial mouse secures a graduate even just from exhaustion. Known as 12 hours or more until passing out more rewarding that the low 2.2 the inevitably suff er and die in large scheme placement at Goldman Sachs, suicidal reproduction, or semelparity, from exhaustion - the parallel to this Imperial male may be laundered with numbers whilst females may live for the Imperial male still triumphs overall. these marsupials were observed behaviour is often seen in Imperial after handing in that subpar lab report. a number of years and breed again keeling over simultaneously in large males as they study throughout Due to such a short fertility For these male mice, with there DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1310691110 FRIDAY 11 OCT 9

Editor: Kartikeya Rana [email protected] POLITICS THE WEEK IN POLITICS Kartikeya Rana A summary of the key issues from around the world Politics Editor Libya intensifi es Hamid Karzai criticizes EU proposes Mediter- Corruption in China UK e-borders scheme pressure on USA: NATO forces: ranean Sea patrols: deemed ineffective: Bo Xilai is the former secretary of the On October 3, a migrant boat was Chongqing party in China with popu- Reports have suggested that the £500m shipwrecked off the coast of Lampedusa lar support. He was, however, found ‘e-borders’ programme propelled by in Italy. The incident resulted in the death guilty last year on charges of corrup- the Home Offi ce has not been very of 274 people and the captain of the tion. He has furiously denied all the eff ective in dealing with migrants who ship being detained. This has resulted in chargers that were laid before him. are said to be potentially dangerous. the European Commission requesting Bo was a popular politician who was h is scheme, which took 10 years the EU to undertake search and rescue seen as a capable candidate for the to develop, was made to ensure operations in the Mediterranean. top job. When the new leaders came that ‘high risk individuals’ such as Italian Interior Minister, Angelo Alfano, in power, his downfall began. His criminals and terrorists would not supported the proposition and stated wife, Gu Kailai, was found guilty of be able to re-enter into the UK. that more has to be done to save lives. killing the British businessman, Neil h e idea was for the passengers to Heywood. This lead to a further in- provide their personal details to the h ere is anger in Libya over the US vestigation into Bo Xilai’s conduct as airlines such that the individuals capture of a suspected Al Qaeda leader. NATO combat forces are planning to a politician and consequently charges would be prevented from boarding h e man named as Abu Anas Al-Liby leave Afghanistan in 2014. There are of abuse of power, embezzlement the planes themselves. However, was wanted for his connection in the still 80,000 NATO forces in Afghanistan as well as bribery being put on him. only 2 airlines have signed up for the bombings in Tanzania and Kenya of that will be gradually retracted. Hamid A Chinese court has recently agreed pre-departure screenings which are US embassies in 1998. US defence Karzai does not seem to see these to consider his appeal but the likeli- essential for such a system to work. secretary, Chuck Hagel, commended forces as being benefi cial in his country. hood of the charges placed him being h e scheme was meant to track the the raid and stated that this showed A large amount of resources dropped are low as the ruling Com- movement of 100% of the passengers how America would spare ‘no eff ort provided by NATO members were also munist party controls the courts. His moving in or out of Britain but only to hold terrorists accountable’. applied towards maintaining peace “We have saved thousands and supporters still claim that he is a vic- manages to track about 65% of such h e family of Al-Liby, however, in Afghanistan. However, President thousands of people”, she said, “now we tim of political vendetta and has done passengers. To ensure the movement calls the raid ‘an act of piracy’. h ey Hamid Karzai claims that not only have are asking EU for a hand in strengthening nothing wrong. It would be interest- of terrorists and other non-state say that when Abu was coming the NATO forces been ineffective but border control”. However, there is ing to see how the trials play out. actors, the tracking of all passengers back from Morning Prayer, he was have in fact ended up being damaging growing concern that this scheme is essential. h e report also expanded met with ‘at least 10 men’. h ese for the country. He claimed that the may fail as the migrant boats may fl ee upon the ‘poor quality of data’ men allegedly were Libyan and had NATO had a role to play in the loss of as they see the patrol approaching. collected from the e-borders system. forcibly put this man in a ‘white life of Afghan people. He further stated EU states have not been able to come h e UK Border Agency is said to be Mercedes’. h ey also demand that if that he did not want a partial victory to an agreement on their policies the most technologically advanced in Al-Liby has done something wrong over terrorism but a ‘clear-cut’ war on on migrants and asylum seekers. A then he should be prosecuted within terror. In the same interview he also said growing number of asylum seekers Libya itself. h e Libyan government that he would open talks with the Al from Syria and elsewhere has put appears to have had no knowledge Qaeda, as they are also Afghan citizens. pressure on European nations to reach about this raid and asked for further This view, however, has brought a concrete solution to these issues. explanation from the White House. forward criticism from people around However, the chances of a the world. Some say that it is unfair prosecution in Libyan soil seem bleak. to the soldiers who had lost their lives A spokesperson from the BBC stated towards the cause as well as the nations that he was being ‘lawfully’ detained that had committed their resources in FELIX politics. under the ‘law of war’ in a secure Afghanistan through the NATO forces. location outside Libya. He is also being The NATO itself is yet to release an prosecuted in the New York court for offi cial response to Karzai’s claims. the 1998 bombings, which has caused This is not the fi rwst time that Karzai the likelihood of his release from the has made such controversial claims. Bringing you the best of US authorities to be very low indeed. He has tended to show animosity Europe but has clearly shown areas h e Libyan government, however, towards western forces in the past where improvement is necessary. feels that this event will not erode in various speeches and interviews. one manʼs views since h e main reason for lack of data relationships between Libya and the collection is said to be because of a lack US. One leading spokesperson from 2013. Rise up and revolt of tracking on European routes. Also, the ruling party stated that the US the lack of e-borders system at sea and played a key role in the revolution and on trade routes has made the system therefore feel that this event would against this by writing for seem more ineff ective. h e full report not deteriorate relationships. He also is, however, not in public domain. added that although the maintenance h e people who have published of relationships was important, the politics. this report have also put forward safety and security of the Libyan some positive fi ndings. h ey state citizens was of greater importance. that the e-system has been eff ective h is raid has angered terrorist groups in capturing criminals who have who have asked for some retaliation. serious charges such as those of Email your articles to: rape and murder on their heads. [email protected] 10 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Rory Fenton on Integrated Education grotesque discrimination would is now the editor of this paper). and Evangelical Christian “Free who ticked the most denominational be illegal in any other workplace Northern Ireland’s devisions go Schools” can only be a recipe boxes. I want them to learn alongside Rory Fenton except, of course, in a church. h e much deeper than our schools but for disaster when it comes to poor kids and rich kids. I want them to be a part of their communities. For @roryfenton principle of employing people to argue that deliberately keeping integration. as long as we allow such desperately Columnist according to their ability is thrown the two communities apart hasn’t While my children won’t be out of the window. contributed to tensions and lack brought up in any religion, I want divisive institutions as religious Religious schools are also deeply of empathy between them is to see them educated alongside schools to operate, at the taxpayers socially divisive. Giving schools the ludicrous. In England, too, cultural Jewish kids, Muslim kids, expense, this vision of education, this ability to select along arbitrary lines tensions are heightened by “faith Christian kids, Sheikh kids and all shared vision, is hopeless fantasy. ublic services should means they use this as an excuse to schools” which can de facto select other kinds of kids. I want their Religious schools are an awful idea be open to all people, select wealthier pupils. Middle class according to race. h e current teachers to be the best teachers and an even worse reality. We are regardless of their parents are more able to “game” the government allowing new Muslim in their subjects, not the ones better off without them. beliefs. h at so simple a system in knowing which religious statement should need buttons to push and being more Pto be shouted is madness and yet likely to be free on Sundays to go to this is exactly what is needed in church. Remember I said that a third the UK. h e truth is that for all our of state schools are religious? Of Fenton: “While my advances in other areas of human the 20 most socially exclusive state rights, when it comes to religious schools in the UK (comparing pupils children wonʼt be and belief discrimination in public who receive a free school meal to brought up in any services, the UK has scarcely those who do in the catchment changed in 100 years. Nowhere area) 18, that’s 90%, are religiously religion, I want to is this clearer than in our state selective. schools. Lastly there is the issue of see them educated Religious schools make up a third preventing children from mixing of all state schools in the UK and and meeting with children from alongside Jewish are granted astounding privileges. diff erent backgrounds of their own. kids, Muslim kids, If they are oversubscribed they Philosopher A C Grayling likes to can ensure that only pupils of a say that the argument against faith Christian kids, certain religion, or more precisely, schools can be summed up in two pupils with parents of a certain words: Northern Ireland. I went to Sheikh kids and religion, can attend. h ey are also a Catholic school in Belfast. Despite allowed to discriminate in the this being a majority Protestant all other kinds of hiring of teaching staff . Not just RE city, I didn’t meet a Protestant teachers; history teachers, science of my own age until I came to kids.” teachers, geography teachers... Such Imperial, aged 18 (incidentally, he The Platonic Merits of a Religious Education

Roman Catholic schools; indeed might furthermore be debated minds of our youth, concentrating in Northern Ireland. We must be Eoghan J. Totten I believe that faith-oriented that the skewed abundance of faith the embattled mentality between careful not to debase the complexity academic institutions share a schools in “affl uent” areas is but nationalist and unionist factions. In of the problems in the North to @eoghantotten common thread, having been one of a plethora of imperfections line with my experience I vehemently religious disparity. If things are to Comment Editor buff eted, tarnished and ultimately in the approach of Government to disagree with Rory Fenton’s view. move forward all parties must work engulfed by recurrent waves of education as a whole. For many, like it or not, the together. h is will fail if we are not vitriolic demagoguery, which One might care to consider focus justifi cation for our school system is confi dent in our own creeds, values mmanuel Kant, perennial frequently (and often surprisingly) as the desirable crux of a religious a question of identity over religiosity and beliefs. In the fi tting words philosopher of the 18th remains unchallenged. Having education. In context of Roman or faith. h e nostalgia invoked of Seamus Heaney, valued Nobel century, once made two key been educated in a Catholic Catholic schools mathematics, by my time at school makes it laureate, we need ‘room to rhyme’. distinctions. Firstly, objects Grammar school I feel that the science, humanities and languages are diffi cult for me to fashion a cogent Note that I disagree with Mr. act in accordance with fi xed dualism between a religious ethos bolstered by an ethos of morality and counterargument…but I stand Fenton’s depicted demographics of Irules. h e latter distinction clarifi ed and education can stimulate religiosity. Students are encouraged resolute on a number of points. Belfast. that rational agents (you and I) plurality, empathy and tolerance in to challenge the Raison d’être for both Primarily, I fi nd myself at formulate actions with fl ippant the mind of a student. their hopes and eff orts. On a regular Imperial College London as a direct regard to mere conceptions of Many claim that faith-oriented basis in England and Wales, parents consequence of the ethos of my Totten: those rules. One would therefore schools are, paradoxically, send their children to Catholic school. My teachers convinced conclude that certain elements aligned (particularly in England Grammar schools regardless of their each and every pupil (in many cases of humanity prove to be fl awed. & Wales) with elitism. Anecdotes secular background. For these people subconsciously) that their endeavours “These Many would concede that Roman of the middle classes forcing their religiosity is no longer the chief focus; were for the betterment not only of Catholicism, in recent decades, children to attend mass and other rather, it is the moralising framework themselves but their family, friends seeds of serves as a fi tting allegory. Be it religious services in an eff ort awarded to their children, which and (most fi ttingly) their community. the sex abuse scandals portrayed to secure a place in desirable may in turn act as a cornerstone for h is extended to interfaith to perpetuate ad infi nitum or the schools are innumerable. I will the evolution of their academic and relationships. imperfection Vatican’s dogmatic condemnation concede that some parents may moral framework. Secondly and to conclude, I of contraception, the church has do so in a vain and conceited I attended a Saint Patrick’s, suspect that integration does not received its fair share of criticism manner, exploiting the educational Downpatrick in the North of need to be institutionalised or were not (as has religion as a whole). conduits provided by religion. Ireland. People regularly claim that labelled and fi nd nothing sinister It must be made clear, however, Despite this, parents cannot the regional school system (based in that. While my reservations may sewn in the that these seeds of imperfection be condemned for harbouring on Catholic and State schools) has be platonic, I am convinced that were not sewn in the classrooms of aspirations for their child. It sectarianized and corrupted the the retention of a religious school system can aid confl ict resolution classroom.” FRIDAY 11 OCT 11

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FelixImperial COMMENT

Teach First – Investing by Making a Difference

literature teacher believed in me from background are clearly left behind Mathilde Monestes the start, pushing me to apply to even others who are more fortunate. more prestigious universities; they I could drown you with numbers Teach First were not the best in France. h ey to support this claim but let me just belonged to the best in the world. leave you with a few notable statistics: He was an exceptional teacher, the 16% of children eligible for free school kind of person that does not look at meals make it to university. Contrat ver since I was little I your academic record alone, seeing this with 96% of children coming from dreamed about becoming much more in you than a nondescript independent schools! Really? Teach a teacher and taking care kid with ‘such and such’ grades. First’s mission is to change those of kids within and beyond Somewhere along the line I grew numbers and turn around the current a classroom. I strongly up, became realistic and went off to situation. How do they do that? h ey Ebelieved that good teachers were university convinced that I would empower people like you and I to the leaders of tomorrow and that end up working in a fancy corporate take action and join their movement. they were a key element to a strong bank like my mother. I decided to h ere are many ways in which society. Ask yourselves this question: give up on my dream to become, one you can participate and make a Would you be here without the one day, one of those inspirational people. diff erence. You can become a Brand inspirational teacher who believed Despite this, when you really Manager like me (and write articles in you and pushed you to the top? I believe in something, no matter how about your life at 10pm!), apply know that I would not. My parents hard you try, you will never be able for their Leadership Development moved me around a lot when I was to push it away and pretend it does Programme (if you are into teaching little and I was educated in French my not exist. I tried to forget about all or fancy working for their partners whole life. When they decided to put this until one day, when I met Sophia, after the programme...or both!). If you would like to fi nd out Take up the me in an International school aged the Teach First graduate recruiting Furthermore, you can raise awareness more about Teach First sign up sixteen - where the main language was offi cer on campus at the time. She of all of Teach First’s good work. to the Employer Presentation English - I started to give up on my big seemed so passionate about her Do you want to change lives and make on Monday 28th of October at 6 challenge. dreams of making it to a prestigious job and Teach First’s vision that society better? Are you interested in the pm in h e Read Lecture h eatre, university in France. I was convinced my drive for teaching immediately corporate world but feel like you want Sherfi eld Building via JobsLive. that I would never have suffi cient resurfaced. Her message was simple: to do something that takes pecedence? Teach First! grades to apply where I wanted (as the British education system is unfair my English was really poor). My and children with a disadvantaged Take up the challenge. Teach First! Confessions of a GTA: Part One First impressions are probably correct

should be thinking. If there was one measure and ran up to the teaching The GTA thing I was going to get right on room... I only two to fi ve minutes late. my PhD it was being a good GTA. I was greeted by the overbearing Anoymous h us, on my fi rst day I duly signed up person who had taken advantage of for the most appropriate courses for my my drunken state; they turned out skills which all commenced after the to be one of my favourite lecturers training dates. I carefully considered and we had a nice conversation ve always wanted to be a my timetable so that I’d have time to about the summer. I heard a loud GTA. It wasn’t because they read through all the lecture notes and “Harrumph” from behind me. A were doing amazing PhDs on do each tutorial from scratch. Feeling number of obscenities occurred their own desks, in which they pleased with myself, I headed out for to me as I realised that I had been cured cancer or published ‘just one pint’ with my new world caught chatting and rushed over to Iground-breaking’ articles which they famous and cancer curing colleagues. my fi rst student. He asked me about presented at world conferences. h is h e next morning seemed something beside which I had placed was all pretty cool but actually, it had very early... and loud. h e e-mail an asterisk, which was ideal. At no a lot to do with them being rubbish ping was painfully pitched; the point did I ask him his opinion. at teaching. As an undergraduate I e-mail turned out to be worse. Avoiding the chatty lecturer I saw them turn up late to lectures they “h anks for agreeing to help with my circled the room, trying not to stand were being paid to help with, chat with lessons last night. It is the fi rst tutorial behind anyone. I wandered over to their colleagues and completely ignore so the students will probably only get some nice but slightly foreign looking any student of a diff erent nationality onto questions 1-6. See you in an hour.” students, to see how they were getting from their own. h ey would stand An hour! Training was in a week! on. h ey were on question 7, having right behind you in an exam breathing I clicked on the attachment. Problems breezed through 1-6. I retreated heavily, or when questioned on vaguely reminiscent of three years rapidly to the corner of British how to do the most impossible past appeared on the screen. Well, students, who were struggling with all problem conceived by man, they the obvious thing to do was neither to my asterisked points. Here I remained. would ask, “What do you think?” start from scratch nor go through the After all they had loads of questions. I always thought that it was lecture notes but to read the solutions startlingly clear that, at this point, of questions 1-6 on the sheet. h ese GTAing: It seems it is going to be being so confused and exasperated by seemed fairly self-explanatory harder than it looks. this stupid question, that all I cared although I placed an asterisk beside about was them telling me what I a couple of harder parts for good h e GTA 12 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] Promenade theatre at its best Fred Fyles gets punchdrunk in an abandoned sorting offi ce

building is made up to look like the town around the studios, including a forest, a saloon, and a cinema where the horror classic ‘Eyes Without a Face’ plays silently, while the other half of the building is the studio itself; a world of seedy dressing rooms and resentful production artists. h rough brief snatches of interaction between the cast members, the audience begins to pick up the plot; a modern adaptation of Woyzeck, Georg Buchner’s classic tale of jealousy, power, and murder, h e Drowned Man tells two parallel stories: outside

TRAVIS HODGES the studio gates William watches as TRAVIS HODGES his wife Mary is seduced by Dwayne What: The Drowned Man: A their curiosity - discover what has - after catching them in the act, Punchdrunk party, I don’t know how a shrouded fi gure perform a strange Hollywood Fable happened. In this case, the company William kills Mary in the wilderness. their previous productions have ritual in a tiny chapel. When you (in association with Punchdrunk and inhabit an abandoned Royal Mail Meanwhile, inside the studio, Wendy diff ered to h e Drowned Man, but I watch a scene like that, it feels like the National Theatre) sorting offi ce just outside Paddington is shooting a fi lm and suff ering from do get the sense that the shows have you have stumbled across something Where: Temple Studios, Paddington Station, and have transformed it into violent hallucinations, and when her lost some of their surprise element. hidden, that many other people will When: Until 30 Dec 2013 ‘Temple Studios’, a 1960s fi lm studio husband Marshall falls in love with It is clear that a large proportion of miss, and these experiences are few Price: £39.50 - £47.50, with a sinister underbelly. Stripped of the studio’s queen bee Dolores Grey, the people at the show have been to and far between. concessions £19.50 their belongings - phones and cameras Wendy murders him. h ese two tales a Punchdrunk experience before - While previous Punchdrunk shows are forbidden - visitors are given intertwine, and loop back around determined not to miss anything, have met with near-universal acclaim, masks that obscure their identity each other, with parts being repeated they chase the actors around in packs, this show has left the critics and rom dreamthinkspeak’s before entering the service lift, and throughout the evening, conjuring making some scenes impossible to see. audiences more divided, and it is not nocturnal wanderings being taken down into the bowels of up an unnerving atmosphere of fear, hard to see why. A dazzling level of underneath Somerset the fi lm studio. paranoia, and confusion. “combine minimal detail in the set is belittled by the lack of House, to the burgeoning However, while the atmosphere attention to the audience experience - I popularity of Secret “The company stress may be intuitive to those attending, dialogue and a large get the feeling that this is the company FCinema’s awe-inspiring screenings, the plot proved diffi cult to penetrate. at their most introspective, and it you’d be forgiven for thinking that the that The Drowned Punchdrunk doesn’t make things easy dose of interpretive could be argued that this is theatre traditional theatre format is dead. for the viewers, forcing them on a at its purest, where the participants But this year sees the return of Man is a show that wild goose chase around the studios dance and you have play their parts irrespective of the Punchdrunk, the company that in order to track down the fragments audience. It should also be noted started it all, as they bring their should be explored of the story, meaning that most people a pretty impenetrable that, while any review of a piece of immersive world to London for their will not see all parts of the production. theatre relies upon a single person’s ‘Hollywood Fable’ h e Drowned alone - whether by Combine this with minimal dialogue story” experience, with this show that is Man. Punchdrunk’s founder, Felix and a large dose of interpretive dance intensifi ed; it is entirely likely that I Barrett, became an early champion choice or by force” choreographed by Maxine Doyle, and Perhaps the company are over- had an experience not only slightly of ‘promenade theatre’ when he you have a pretty impenetrable story. fi lling the space - and who can blame dissimilar, but probably completely founded the company in 2000, and h e fi rst surprise comes before I must admit that the plot didn’t them when the fi nancial status of diff erent to some other viewers - such since then they have been taking over we have even left the elevator, as the make much sense to me until I read British theatre is considered - or the is the nature of Punchdrunk. But at the abandoned buildings, making visitors attendant splits our group into two, the programme in retrospect. Whilst anonymity provided by the masks heart of this production, underneath don black masks, and leaving a trail of dropping half off at one fl oor, and in a traditional theatre performance allow members of the audience to the stunningly sumptuous production glowing reviews in their wake. taking the rest of us to another level. such a confusing plot would go down live out their anti-social, voyeuristic design, lies an incomprehensible plot h e Punchdrunk formula is a h e company stress that h e Drowned like a lead balloon, in Punchdrunk’s fantasies, but the behaviour of those and a rather uncomfortable viewing relatively simple one; a building Man is a show that should be explored world it is the experience that matters, watching ruins some of the magic. experience. I would recommend is converted into an interactive alone - whether by choice or by force. and what an experience this is. Some of the best experiences I had in going simply for the experience - I theatrical space, and visitors are Once we have been freed from the h e set design team, led by Felix the show were the ones where there leave the building feeling bewildered, invited to wander around, explore elevator we are allowed to wander Barrett, form the cornerstone of were very few people, and the most astonished, and ever so slightly the environment, and - driven by around their creation. One half of the Punchdrunk’s spectacle; quite literally memorable part for me was watching Punchdrunk. thousands of props have been brought BIRGIT & RALF BIRGIT & RALF in to transform the abandoned building into the desolate studio. h e themes of decayed Americana, combined with the masks, give the whole thing a Lynchian air, and the attention to detail makes me feel like I’ve stepped into an actual fi lm. From vast forest wilderness to love letters hidden in drawers, it feels like nothing has been overlooked, giving every object a sense of importance. h is is spectacular, but slightly overwhelming - you could easily spend a whole day just looking through the rooms, never mind following the story. Being a relative late-comer to the FRIDAY 11 OCT 13

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FelixImperial ARTS Charles Saatchi’s (Divorce) Paper Mario Lepore visits the latest exhibition in Saatchiʼs gallery

exhibition that includes the works of What: Paper Exhibition 43 artists spanning 10 galleries. Where: Saatchi Gallery Highlights from the exhibition When: Until 3rd Nov 2013 include Eric Manigaud’s Portrait Price: FREE Clinique (graphite on paper) – a collection of life-size drawings documenting photographs taken in f your most recent memory of a medical facility in Weilmünster, Charles Saatchi is seeing the Germany. h ey poignantly depict photographs of him in the Daily physically and mentally ill Jewish Mail allegedly strangling his patients who were starved or sterilised ex-wife Nigella then you are under the Nazi regime. Although Idefi nitely missing out. harrowing in nature, Manigaud’s Despite his unfortunate relationship exceptional skill brings the drawings issues, the Iraqi born advertising to life helping to provide an insight mogul and art collector has an ideally into this terrifying world. located gallery that defi nitely warrants Another memorable piece is a wonder. Marcelo Jácome’s Planos-Pipas #17, Best known for his eccentric and literally meaning ‘Kite-Planes’ in the somewhat controversial taste in art, Artist’s native Portuguese. Taking up Saatchi’s current exhibition ‘Paper’ an entire room, it seemed to spread may seem a little backward in nature, weightlessly across the space whilst but in a world of ever advancing most certainly shouting “look at technology and digitalisation it is me”. A bright and colourful piece, refreshing to see such a basic material constructed from bamboo triangles used in such diverse array. and tissue paper, it was structured yet Known by many as a shy and chaotic and defi nitely drew the most reclusive man, Saatchi has the power attention from visitors. to make or break a contemporary Worth a mention, solely for the artist’s career. He helped discover the fact that you cannot walk around likes of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons the exhibition without noticing it, is Couch for a long time (2009) by Jessica Jackson Hutchins SAM DRAKE/SAATCHI GALLERY as well as giving considerable support Lerma and Madera’s Bust of Emanuel to Tracey Emin, all of whom have had Augustus, a giant sculpture made at times, but all in all this exhibition King’s Road, Chelsea, just a 20 minute may fi nd it a little pretentious, but massive success in the contemporary of scrunched, coloured paper. “Eye- deserves merit for the fact that such walk from the South Kensington whether you are an art fan or just art scene. catching” to say the least, but at over 8 simple materials were manipulated to campus, and its large, bright and want something to do to occupy a He is a man who knows what he foot high how could it not be? create such inspiring pieces. airy rooms provide an ideal escape lunch break, head down to SW3 for an likes and this is made apparent in his It could be a little uninteresting h e gallery is ideally located on the from the frenzy that is London. Some interesting afternoon out. Figaro gets married, everyone’s happy

(the fourth re-run of the 2006 version) characters, manages to wriggle out of perfectly showcases this. all the situations he gets into, and the Clara Clark Nevola h e plot is a mix of two classic story ends with a triple wedding and Writer narratives: the clever servant and the Count reconciled and in love with stupid master, and the husband and his wife. wife deceit themes, with a good Le Nozze di Figaro is based on the What: Le Nozze Di Figaro Opera sprinkling of bawdy humour, cross Beaumarchais’ “La folle journée, ou Where: Royal Opera House dressing and proposed weddings. le Mariage de Figaro”, a play that When: 2nd - 15th May 2014 Sounds like a panto, right? Wrong. received much attention on account Price: Various Set to Mozart’s score, this stiff , of the censorship it was subjected to. predictable sounding story rollicks Embarrassing monarchs was a bit of along, by turns funny, gripping and a sensitive subject in the 18th century “For here they talk of nothing but in many cases truly touching, making (though possibly Prince Harry is Figaro. Nothing is played, sung or for an enjoyable and gripping evening trying to revive this) and the play’s whistled but Figaro. No opera is out. emphasis on Figaro’s intelligence drawing like Figaro. Nothing, nothing h e opera starts with Figaro and was considered inappropriate. h e but Figaro.” Susanna, the servant couple, preparing operating version played down Figaro’s to marry, struggling with the dowry socialist impulses, thus allowing it to money and the Count’s pervy lust for evade censorship, though a few royal Modest Mr Mozart himself wrote Susanna. h e Countess meanwhile is eyebrows were raised at the moral MARK DOUET this shortly after the premiere of Le feeling lonely and abandoned and to content. Maria Bengtsson as Countess Almaviva and Christopher Maltman as Nozze Di Figaro, and though it sounds add to the mix, a teenaged servant Despite this, Figaro has remained Count Almaviva rather big headed, it still holds true is running around the castle getting indelibly connected to the French today. Le Nozze di Figaro is one of the into steamy situations with the maids. revolution. h e real strength of this originally intended to be: a funny yet and brilliant cast, and it makes Le most performed, established and well- Figaro, with the help of Susanna and production is its ability to transcend touching human story. Nozze di Figaro a real must see - loved pieces of opera repertoire and the Countess and the hindrance all of Figaro’s cultural and historical Add this to the Royal Opera House whether you’re a hardened opera lover the current Royal Opera’s production of the Count and many secondary baggage and to revive it as what it was incredibly high production standards or a total newbie. 14 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected]

Student picks Scalzi’s Old Man’s War Eva Rosenthal picks: getting the chance to see the universe. h e negatives, but they do help me forget them  e Social Construction of Reality: a treatise in the Maciej Matuszewski novel follows John Perry, who makes this and make the book a very enjoyable read. sociology of knowledge by Peter L. Berger and h omas Books Editor very choice, and his fellow new recruits as h ere are novels which explore similar Luckmann they go through basic training, have their themes in more depth and with greater skill John Scalzi is one of the highest profi le fi rst taste of combat and learn how, in the but few which do it in such an engaging Have you ever wondered where your most mundane science fi ction authors alive. A prolifi c current confl ict, there are no real ‘good guys’. manner. I do believe that Scalzi’s popularity thoughts come from? Whether any feeling has even a writer, he was also President of the Science In many ways this book has many problems as a person has artifi cially infl ated the smidgen of individuality? Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, similar to those in Redshirts. h e main issue I popularity of his books and Old Man’s consulted on the hit TV show Stargate have with Scalzi’s characters in both books is War is certainly not a masterpiece but How does this absurd western world, our reality, exist Universe, maintains a hugely popular blog that they are all essentially the same person. the fact is that I read it in a single day and without self-destructing; with people seemingly una- and is an outspoken activist for many good h e protagonists may be diff erentiated its sequels are already on my reading list. ware of the great hypocrisy that makes our lives easy causes. It was therefore with high hopes by gender or ethnicity but they all have and in many respects, beautiful? that last year I picked up Redshirts – one the same personality – smart, outspoken, of his latest novels, which recently won the generally nice but often sarcastic – in short, I worried about these silly questions for some time and, Hugo award. Unfortunately the reality did people very similar to Scalzi himself. Don’t short of considering something like the ‘Matrix’ a pos- not live up to the hype – it was, eff ectively, get me wrong – Scalzi knows how to write sibility, found few helpful answers. h at is, until I came a single Star Trek joke stretched out to fi ll this character type very well but seeing it half upon a book with a mouthful for a title. The Social Con- 300 pages, with uninspired characterisation a dozen times in the same novel gets really struction of Reality: a treatise in the sociology of knowl- and insipid prose. Over time, however, I tiring, really fast. Scalzi’s prose is, to put it edge postulates that societies are themselves, through began to suspect that I might have judged nicely, very utilitarian. It is clear and readable complex, unconscious processes, the builders of their Scalzi too harshly and that it might be but nothing more. h ere is no beauty in it – it subjective reality. We are all thought to participate in worth giving a writer of his reputation is used merely as a tool to get the story across. the various artful – and really quite cunning – tech- another chance. h erefore, I recently All this leaves are the plot and themes niques whereby society maintains its smooth running read Old Man’s War – his fi rst ever novel. – and here is where my opinion of the two order. For one (very simple) example, practially useless h e book is set in the distant future – novel diverges. While Redshirts was just, in conversations about one’s day, the weather, or about with humanity having fi nally reached the eff ect, an extended parody, Old Man’s War so-and-so’s cat, are thought to be a simple but eff ective stars and found out that we are not alone. is something more. While focusing mainly way of reaffi rming the existence of our subjetive uni- h e various species of the galaxy are caught on the personal experiences of John Perry verse. Very few things escape the tendrils of mundanity up in a near constant state of confl ict – it also subtly conveys the far larger and and system stability ensues. in many ways the reminiscent of 19th deeper story of galactic confl ict and, by the century colonial wars. While Earth itself end, it manages to ask serious questions Although the book contains many technical sociologi- is isolated from the fi ghting, as well as the about the nature of war and colonisation. cal terms, it is nevertheless intended for laymen. More- greater galactic community in general, by All the while it remains very exciting – over, despite the serious nature of the topic, it is written its colonies the planet’s citizens when they both in the fast paced combat scenes and with a degree of reassuring wit. turn 75 may join the Colonial Defence Force in the tense moments in between them. and receive a rejuvenation treatment before h ese positives don’t cancel out the h is book did not answer all my questions and I found many of its conclusions a little terrifying. However, what it did lead to was my begrudging acceptance of reality as a fl uid and ever-changing object. Best of Henry James

submerged in the Jamesian world. cies and the imagination of a young, un- Eva Rosenthal Within 50 pages – and sometimes far named telegraphist, stuck in both a literal Books Editor less – humans are exquisitely drawn up. and a metaphoric cage, combine to con- The characters feel heavy and tangible jure up an unexpected adventure. From In Henry James’ The Figure in the Car- from the moment they appear; their ac- her position as a ‘nothing’, she achieves a pet, several unlucky people become ob- tions, however strange, are precisely remarkable level of knowledge – perhaps sessed with painstakingly unearthing the what they should be. As can be seen from real, perhaps fanciful – about the extrav- meaning concealed – literally – in the the few examples below, James’ stories agantly rich people she comes into con- works of a brilliant novelist. The story cover a wide range of subjects, which he tact with. This is a tale which, ultimately Send your submissions plays easily with the reader; it dangles a treats with equal care and brilliance. disheartening in its outlook, nevertheless something sweet – the promise of ulti- Daisy Miller tells of the problems that encourages extravagant daydreaming to for our newest regular mate knowledge – in front of us and ul- a young American girl faces when trav- deal with the greyer hours. timately disappoints. The after effect is elling through Europe. Her personality is Short stories are perfect if you don’t features! wittily insidious: one may start to think lost on the Europeans, whom she some- have the time or energy to concentrate on that there could be, that there definitely times understands but who rarely under- a longer novel. You can pick the book up FLASH FICTION: Ultrashort fi ction is, a golden key, to decoding James’ entire stand her. Her desire for freedom and, in whenever you want, sure in the knowl- up to 200 characters body of work. If one were to look care- many ways, for simply flitting through edge that you won’t have to leave some- fully enough, obsessively enough, per- life, are misunderstood by even her clos- thing unfinished for weeks while you haps it could be found… James cautions est friends, who carelessly and cruelly work towards your next deadline. James’ STUDENT PICKS: Send us up to us throughout with his sad and unhappy criticise and abandon her. tales are also something of a ‘language 250 words on your favourite book characters but it is hard to resist his rid- In La Pension Beaurepas, caricatures of workout’; they require a little effort but dle. rather empty ladies-who-shop, bankrupt- the rewards are copious and the reader’s and how it changed you This dilemma, to me, exemplifies the ing their hardworking caretaker in the English may become much improved. power of James’ short stories. More than process, are juxtaposed with everything just a writer of impossible syntax, James beautiful and delicate about desire. Selected Tales by Henry James; pub- [email protected] will drag the reader along with subtlety James’ In the Cage has the feel of a de- lished by Penguin Classics ed. 2001. and stealth until they emerge, albeit fully tective story; here the voyeuristic tenden- FRIDAY 11 OCT 15

@feliximperial

FelixMusic MUSIC Armchair Techno Simon Hunter reviews Nicholas Jaarʼs Barbican Spectacular

or a guy who has had such ence through shifting clouds of ambi- was a mixture of songs from Space is h roughout the show a team a spectacular rise to musi- ent electronica. h e visuals, projected Only Noise and other pieces that are of visual artists worked behind the cal prominence, Nicolas onto a huge screen along the stage, presumably unreleased. Jaar manoeu- screen, projecting analogue visual de- Jaar’s choice of the Barbi- added the perfect ocular accompani- vred between his laptop, keyboard, lights. Diff erent eff ects, such as pro- can as the venue for a one- ment, entrancing much of the crowd. microphone and, extremely briefl y, a jections of mixing coloured oils with Foff gig last weekend should perhaps Unfortunately, after a while the audi- grand piano. Half-way through, the water, were layered upon one another not be too surprising. In many ways ence began to get somewhat restless, young girl returned to the stage with creating an authentically analogue and the concert hall is perfectly suited to presumably due to the lack of any beat three others to lend their vocal tal- unique visual experience. h is was Jaar’s delicate, jazz-infused melodies to focus the mind. h eir prayers may ents. h is was one of the highlights good, as watching a man play with his and masterful productions. Indeed, have been answered in emphatic style of the show, and it was a shame that laptop and fi ddle with a keyboard isn’t the Barbican is no stranger to host- when, halfway through his set, Evian more musicians weren’t present to particularly entrancing. ing musicians strongly rooted in the Christ began laying the jungle and rap add an extra dimension to the perfor- By the encore people had been electronic music sphere; the night be- samples on thick. For me, the whole mance. teased enough and (myself included) the concert; Jaar neither performed fore had seen Pantha du Prince grace thing was slightly too long, with the h e second part of Jaar’s perfor- wanted to dance. Gradually the crowd his more delicate work at its’ expan- the stage. I was expecting an evening aggressive drum and bass samples be- mance involved the guitarist and oth- stood up and danced as well they could sive best - with live instruments; nor of Jaar’s more laid-back music, hope- coming jarring towards the end. er half of the Darkside project, Dave between rows of seats and to one of did he whip the crowd up enough to fully with some guest musicians to fi ll After the interval, Jaar took to the Harrington. Together the two create Jaar’s less danceable numbers. Just as turn the Barbican into a dance fl oor. the acoustic slots from Space is only stage and the performance was kicked music very much in line with Jaar’s the crowd were really getting into it and Instead, I was sat in some middle Noise. For these regions, along with off by a young girl sporadically say- other productions, however Har- anticipation was growing for a fi nale ground, with my leg frantically tap- the promise of a trippy accompanying ing “mama”. After the slightly bizarre rington’s eff ects-laden guitar work that would transform the Barbican into ping the beat and wondering how light show, I was hyped. opening, she was whisked off and Jaar defi nitely adds something new. h e a club, the performance ended. Disap- good it could have been had Nicolas h e night kicked off with support began. duo played a few tracks from their pointment was fairly tangible. Jaar stuck to one or the other. act, Evian Christ, weaving the audi- h e fi rst half of his performance recently-released record, Psychic. And this was my problem with Help The Aged AMS album of the week Stuart Masson watches No Age at the Dome Janelle Monáe – The Electric Lady No Age descended on North Lon- don last week to showcase their new album, “An Object”. h e LA two piece Janelle Monáe recently released were originally scheduled to play at her latest offering; a double album Koko but the gig was downsized to consisting of two so-called “suites”, the school hall-esque Dome in Tufnell expanding on the Metropolis con- Park. h is is defi nitely a band on the ceptual series of her first two re- way down. h e new album, unlike its leases. After a rise in fame due to predecessors, has received little hype her barely-there feature on Fun.’s and a fair amount of criticism. I think abysmal hit ‘We Are Young’, The a lot of the criticism is over the top, Electric Lady is a wonderful jour- but the live performance doesn’t ex- ney through the past, present and actly help my point. h ere’s no energy future of R&B, with a nice sprin- in any of the new stuff , and there is a kling of afrofuturist tinged inter- lot of uninspiring shoegazey bollocks. sectional feminism! Try saying that h e lack of drums on a lot of with your mouth full. tracks takes all momentum out of the The double album features R&B giants such as Prince and Erykah Badu songs in the live arena and, perhaps as well as newcomers Miguel, Esperanza Spalding and Solange. Despite even more importantly, Dean Spunt this, each song remains entirely in Monáe’s domain, stylistically and lyrical- cannot sing for shit. h at’s all fi ne ly. However, The Electric Lady is less of an obvious concept album as with when you’re belting out noisey punk 2010’s The ArchAndroid, and I found had to dig deeper to find the context of classics, but without the raw energy favourite “Boy Void” went down a energetic gig going are not compat- the world within which Monáe writes. Interspersed are the hilarious radio it just doesn’t fi t. Luckily, they still treat too. ible) but damn happy about it. No show skits, which give further snippets of the man vs. android concept. brought out some of the noisey punk h e undoubted highlight of the Age defi nitely still have the ability to A personal highlight of mine is Monáe and Miguel’s take on the tradi- classics. “Eraser” and “Teen Creeps” night for me was a storming perfor- entertain live, it’s just a shame they tional 90s slow jam ‘Primetime’, featuring a crafty and well utilised Pixies were met with rapturous approval by mance of “Fever Dreaming” that left don’t write the songs to do it any sample. It seems only fitting that the album has moments that harp back to a suddenly energetic crowd and old me almost dead (freshers' fl u and more. the classic ‘Miseducation of Lauryn Hill’, as Hill has just been released from prison for tax-evasion. Even ‘Electric Lady’ sounds just like a TLC song, if TLC was two parts Monáe and one part Solange. Listen to music? Dance to ‘Ghetto Woman’ is perhaps the only low point of The Electric Lady. I think the jumbled Stevie Wonder-esque production really lets the song down, as the lyrical content is socially significant. Aside from this, the production music? Sing music? Want work courtesy of funk act ‘Deep Cotton’ is pretty awesome. I have so much more to say about this great double album, but I really recommend you give it a listen. “What an Experience” indeed. some free tickets? Then write Yasmin Malik for music! Union Page

Last chance to stand in Your Rep & Union Council Elections

Year Representative (Undergraduate) and Course Representative (Postgraduate) nominations close this Sunday 13 October. If you’re interested in getting to know students on your course, developing new skills and increasing your employability, why not become a Year Rep?

Reps are the first point of contact for students with course issues, sit on the your reps Staff-Student Committee and get involved with initiatives such as Rep Week, our annual Rep Conference and the Student Academic Choice Awards (SACAs).

Being a Year Rep takes no more than one-and-a-half hours a week, is term time only and work is flexible, meaning you can easily fit it around your workload. elections Being a Course Rep takes on average one hour a week and work is flexible. Being a Rep is a fun and varied role, and you can gain an Imperial Plus certificate recognising the hours they put in over the year. No previous experience is and union council required.

Find out more information on our website or get in touch at elections@imperial. ac.uk to talk more about becoming a rep.

imperialcollegeunion.org/elections

Free Sexual Health Clinic Thursday 17 October

Imperial College Union will be hosting a free sexual health clinic run by the Terrence Higgins Trust. Services available include rapid HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhoea tests, condoms, lube and advice. The clinic welcomes all students regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, study type or country of origin.

Appointments are bookable on the day and will be allocated on a first-come, first-served basis. We will release appointments at 10:30 and 13:30. The last appointment will be at 16:00. If you have any questions please contact Zoe Richardson, Representation Coordinator ([email protected]).

Try something new with Give It A Go!

Imperial College Union’s first Give It A Go scheme is launching this month! There are lots of free or cheap opportunities to try new things during October with our Clubs, Societies & Projects. Sessions include synchronised swimming, American football, yoga, msuci technology and much much more.

Find out more about from our Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) on her blog at imperialcollegeunion.org/blogs. The What’s On calendar on our website also has more details and even more events and activities that you can take part in. Have a look at imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on.

imperialcollegeunion.org/giag

imperialcollegeunion.org FRIDAY 11 OCT 17

@feliximperial

FelixImperial FILM

“Only do what your heart tells you”

racic surgeon Hasnat Khan (Andrews, it all up, none of it feels as powerful as John Park surprisingly good) is played out in it should have done. Film Editor such ridiculous scenes of utmost un- That’s the problem with Diana. As intentional hilarity that the film fails much as everyone tries to give an in- to sell a single thing it has to say about timate portrayal, it plays too safe and the lovebirds who could have had it all neat with the subject at hand, never Diana had it not been for Dr Khan’s strong steering the narrative to more inter- disapproval and distaste towards the esting territory. It goes through the Director: Oliver Hirschbiegel media invasion of his privacy. The ro- last two years of her life like a history Writer: Stephen Jeffreys, Kate Snell mance’s low-point comes when Diana textbook, this happened, then a few (book) can’t stop talking about how an actual months later this, then she made a Starring: Naomi Watts, Naveen human heart cannot really be broken. speech here etc - which explains why Andrews Hilarity and embarrassment ensue. the film feels as dull as reading one. Runtime: 113 minutes Sudden awkward time-jumps play Perhaps it is too soon to expect Certifi cation: 12A an important part in doing some shal- someone to properly tackle this in- low digging into the big achievements ternationally celebrated figure. There of Diana and her charity work, but must be a biopic underway, something Bring her hoooooome these scenes seem to serve the one like My Week with Marilyn , not huge- single purpose of recreating some of ly ambitious timeline-wise, but a suit- the famous pictures captured of the ably poignant and sentimental explo- interrogated fully due to his lack of If it was ever Naomi Watts’ intention Princess of Wales. Most notable is her ration of an icon’s life. This is sadly not John Park general understanding. Keller, not to pull a Streep or Mirren and score an walk in the Angolan minefield - inspi- that film, and Watts has quite severely Film Editor satisfied with the limits of the law, Oscar win by playing an iconic English rational sure, but when it translates to burned herself out of this year’s Oscar decides to take matters into his own female, she should have paid closer at- the film with very little context to back race with this one. hands, starting with kidnapping, tention to the script that was handed then imprisoning, swiftly moving to to her. Prisoners violence and torture. The cold, grey For what it’s worth, Diana’s fail- setting certainly help set the tone of ure isn’t down to Watts’ brave per- Director: Denis Villeneuve what is to come, and what follows formance. At the centre of it all is Writer: Aaron Guzikowski matches up with the bleak build-up. the impeccably dressed, wigged, and Starring: Hugh Jackman, Jake In what must be the best performance made-up actress (they’ve really gone Gyllenhaal, Maria Bello, Terrence of his career so far, Jackman shines in all out in trying to match the appear- Howard, Viola Davis, Paul Dano, the lead as a regular family man gone ance), who nails the (in)famous Pano- Melissa Leo wrong - as darkness takes over, his rama interview word for word, and re- Runtime: 153 minutes presence becomes more and more ally captures the essence of a woman Certifi cation: 15 gripping by the frame, and if he could trapped, constantly hounded by the score an Oscar nomination with Les press who can’t get enough shots of Mis, he certainly deserves one for his her, as well as her desire for helping work here. those in need and most importantly, Equally effective is the rest of for this film, her search for love. the cast: Gyllenhaal, the fiery and It’s this love angle that puts such a What kind of demons can parents determined detective who tries to drab spin on the narrative, as her “love really turn into when something keep a clear perspective of what’s at first sight” with brilliant cardiotho- happens to their children? According legal and what’s not, Bello, Jackman’s to Prisoners, Denis Villeneuve’s new quietly grieving wife who looks sleep- gritty, dark, and twisty thriller, anyone deprived, Howard, one of the other pushed to the limit can be capable of fathers who reluctantly gets roped pretty much anything - which sends into Keller’s extreme methods, Davis, quite the chilling, disturbing message his steely wife who encourages her at the end of its lengthy 153-minute husband to look the other way when it running time. The eternal question comes to what needs to be done, Dano, of “What are we really capable of in ambiguous in the centre of the did-he- desperate circumstances?” is explored or-didn’t-he mystery, and Leo, as an here, as a number of characters are elderly lady who knows more than she thrown into impossible situations. lets on. It was supposed to be an ordinary The plot becomes more and more Thanksgiving dinner for the Dover complicated as it goes on, and it’s a and Birch families. Keller (Jackman), shame the credibility of it all soon Grace (Bello), Franklin (Howard) and drops along with it. The final reveal is Nancy (Davis) are friends who get one that shocks but perhaps not quite together for the annual celebration fully explains. with their children. However when It’s not an easy film to watch by any their daughters disappear, it sends means, and the film isn’t afraid to show everyone into panic, then despair, as some of the frank brutality displayed by everyone unravels at the thought of the the characters, but this is one that will worst case scenario. linger in the mind and spark debates. An obvious suspect is immediately “What would you do?”, “What do they apprehended, a mentally stunted deserve?” will be interesting questions young man (Dano) who cannot be to answer after the credits start rolling.

You coulda had class? You coulda been a contender? You coulda been somebody? Do you frankly not give a damn? Are you ready for your close-up? You love the smell of napalm in the morning? Please tell us all about it: [email protected] 18 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] Fasten your seatbelts... it’s going to be a bumpy night

Together they start on the lower dense, heavy emotions, the film care- John Park end of the racing world. But slowly fully explores what must have been Film Editor working their way up, they eventually Lauda’s most painful, difficult weeks, reach the Formula 1 racetracks. And whilst also reminding the audience of through the first act or so it feels as the races that are still happening with- though a lot of the deep-rooted per- out the German driver. Rush sonal histories of the two drivers lead- Hemsworth and Brühl don’t share ing up to this point have been glossed as many scenes together as you’d ex- Director: Ron Howard over, most possibly in favour of the pect – and frankly there isn’t a lot of Writer: Peter Morgan adrenaline-fuelled race sequences to dramatic showdown between the two Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Daniel come. other than on the racetrack itself. The Brühl, Olivia Wilde, Alexandra Maria But a lot can be forgiven when the behind-the-scenes rivalry between Lara technically sound, highly watchable the two isn’t well captured initially, Runtime: 123 minutes and entertaining scenes hit the screen. mostly due to the fact that the film Certifi cation: 15 The engines start roaring, the tyres also has their personal lives to juggle start rolling, and backed by the thun- once the drivers’ fame and money kick dering score of Hans Zimmer, off they in, but their love-hate bromance-type go, risking their lives on the deadly relationship does build up eventu- tracks, and it’s this sense of uncer- ally, which leads to some very genuine tain danger that adds an unbearable heartfelt scenes in which we realise There is something so intensely vigor- amount of tension, particularly more perhaps they did need one another for ous and exciting about Ron Howard’s so for individuals not familiar with the that extra drive and push. Formula 1 biopic Rush. Focusing on sport in the first place. The cars moves The two women standing by on each British driver James Hunt (Hems- at an immense speed, and with each of the driver’s side is the aforemen- worth, excellent) and his rivalry with curve, each near-fatal-crash, the awe- tioned Marlene and English model/ the German Niki Lauda (Brühl, a wor- inspiring wow factor is without doubt socialist Suzy Hunt (Wilde, sporting thy opponent), here is a winning film the film’s highlight. Howard places his a mighty fine English accent), who that concentrates on having fun as cameras accordingly for maximum catches Hunt’s eyes. Together they well as staying on course to develop its viewing experience, sometimes within further shape the personal lives of the characters. the driver’s seat as well, so the audi- drivers, injecting some fiery drama In portraying Hunt and Lauda, that ence gets a first-hand glimpse of what and at times, some well-placed hu- they’re the complete opposite in na- it’s like inside the helmet. mour stemming from events occur- ture works to the film’s advantage in A major life event the film wisely ring away from the tracks. creating a fun dynamic. Hunt is the chooses to spend some time on is In the end with both their likable boozy, womanising, vomits-before- Lauda’s catastrophic crash at the 1976 qualities, it doesn’t matter a huge deal every-race kind of playboy, whereas World Championship in Germany. when it comes to who eventually takes Lauda, who seems to know everything With significant burns and multiple the trophy home. Lauda is ahead on there is to know about cars, is a much serious injuries, Lauda is left fighting points prior to his accident, and dur- more grounded, serious, hardworking for his life. And in a gut-wrenching ing his stay at the hospital for recov- type, whose only romantic streak with series of scenes that quite graphically ery, Hunt gains in on the ranks. The the opposite gender can be hilariously shows this struggle, it’s impossible not deciding race at Fuji in Japan, under summed up in his “proposal” for mar- to sympathise for the helpless man, frighteningly harsh weather condi- riage: “it might as well be you” he says more so when his devastated wife tions, is a final race worthy of putting to his future wife. So we’re all quite Marlene (Lara) looks on from a dis- a close to such an electric, exhilarating shocked when she says yes. tance. But without ever milking the “based on a true story” biopic.

And of course, due to exceptional ergy that turns out to become more lationship is further echoed in Tito’s Turbo circumstances that involves Turbo infectious than you would have ever life story, as he too, has a disapprov- drinking some dodgy nitrous oxide imagined. ing older brother who is the sensible Director: David Soren from a sports car, he finds a way to en- Turbo gets a friendly little support realist having to shout at his younger Writers: Darren Lemke, Robert D. ter the competition, which puts him in gang together prior to his big show- hermano for not selling enough tacos. Siegel, David Soren direct competition with his hero. down: snails he meets at a taco truck, When the message of following your Starring: (voices) Ryan Reynolds, Of course, the plot is as preposter- owned by kind-hearted Mexican Tito dream, your passion, and your heart is Paul Giamatti, Samuel L. Jackson, ous and laughable as they come, a tiny (Peña) who makes it a hobby to col- hammered home, it’s at times difficult Michael Peña little snail whizzing past Ferraris to lect snails (and no, never inhumanely to have any sympathy left for the char- Runtime: 96 minutes actually compete in the real world, but so) and race them with his friends at acters when it truly matters. Certifi cation: U once you can take in the fact that this a struggling run-down strip mall. And But in the end the message is a is a DreamWorks Animation’s movie voiced by the excellent supporting healthy, supposed-to-be-heart-warm- aimed mainly for children and hope- cast that consists of Smauel L. Jackson ing one, something that can be taken fully the more open-minded adults, who never disappoints, as well as Mi- in by both children and adults alike, the film succeeds in creating a vibrant, chelle Rodriguez and Ken Jeong, Tur- with a voice cast diverse and funny colourful atmosphere for audiences of bo finds room for humour as our lead enough to entertain throughout, lead For Theo, aka Turbo (Reynolds), being a wide demographic to enjoy. character finds friendship and playful by the always-reliable Reynolds. a snail is hardly something that will When the race is on, it marks the dialogue when he isn’t showing off his Aside from turning the table on how keep him from dreaming of becoming film’s finest moment - as Turbo dodg- new skills and his snazzy blue glow- one of the slowest creatures on the a successful, celebrated racer. Staying es obstacles, slides under cars, and ing shell (a side-effect of the nitrous planet ends up as one of the fastest, up night after night watching his idol skillfully navigates his way around the oxide). there are very few original ideas and human driver Guy Gagné (Bill Hader, track - the camera moves at a rapid Less fun is the family aspect the film imaginative developments to make effectively laying on the cheese) spew pace to keep up with all the action that focuses on. Turbo has an older brother this extra special - but to pass the time out inspirational monologues, Turbo is happening, and with all the noise Chet (Giamatti) who constantly tries with a visually thrilling feature, there’s too, wishes to compete in the annual and excitement, it’s impossible not to to put a stop to his younger brother’s nothing safer than a harmless bit of Indy 500 race. be swept up by the sheer level of en- crazy dreams. This same fraternal re- no-thoughts-required animation. FRIDAY 11 OCT 19

@feliximperial

FelixImperial FILM BFI London Film Festival

John Park Film Editor

Adore

Director: Anne Fontaine Writers: Christopher Hampton, Anne Fontaine, Doris Lessing (novel) Starring: Naomi Watts, Robin Wright, James Frencheville, Xavier Samuel adorable thing you’re likely to see this Runtime: 100 minutes John Park year. It naturally progresses from a Certifi cation: R (USA) Film Editor slightly awkward friendship stemming from the boy’s need to have geometry explained to him, to something more, then to a more romantic one, with first The Spectacular Now kiss, sex, the prom, planning for the future, all thrown in there. Roz (Wright) and Lil (Watts) are best chemistry, it’s easy to buy into their There’s jealousy, younger women Director: James Ponsoldt Also helping are the spot-on perfor- friends. Roz’s son Tom (Frencheville) love, despite how inappropriate and involved, some weddings, and even Writers: Scott Neustadter, Michael mances by the two young actors who and Lil’s son Ian (Samuel) are also preposterous it all may have seemed an introduction of a new generation. H. Weber, Tim Tharp (novel) appear so natural and comfortable in best friends. So far so good right? at the start. The mothers officially become grand- Starring: Miles Teller, Shailene their roles. Every minute they’re to- Now here’s where it gets weird. Ian Having spent so much time on how mothers. Even all this however, can’t Woodley, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kyle gether, they seem to be enjoying each starts sleeping with Roz first. Then happy they are, there is an ill-placed liven up the drama or inject any pas- Chandler other’s presence, as is the audience. Tom starts sleeping with Liz. Yes, the time-jump that fast-forwards two sion to the narrative. It gets more and Runtime: 95 minutes They laugh, share jokes and family two female best friends are engaged years of their lives in which we find more ridiculous as the film refuses to Certifi cation: R (USA) stories as they bond, and every min- in romantic relationships with each that they’re still hopelessly in love and address the uncomfortable questions ute of their blossoming romance feels other’s sons. It doesn’t take long for devoted. With hardly any details or in the room, instead showing us end- heart-warmingly genuine. them to find out about all of this, and significant happenings to back this all less pretty scenes at the beach that Yes, family is another aspect that even when they do, their reactions are up, the narrow scope through which start to have less meaning the more plays an important part in fully draw- shockingly tame. They don’t mind, we view the characters does limit how we visit the same thing over and over ing out Miles’ character. Raised by his as they want each other to be happy, much of this the audience can actually again. The fact they all remain age- Here is a delightfully charming high- single mother who works as a nurse which is fine for now, but we all know find believable. defying is one of many distracting fea- school drama in which the charac- (Jason Leigh) and isn’t always neces- this arrangement is one that cannot All good things must come to an end tures, as well as the continued use of ters talk, think, and look like teenag- sarily there, he wonders where his possibly have a happy ending… right? however, after more than an hour or the aforementioned time-jumps that ers. Every now and then we are lucky father may be and what he’s getting More definitely so since Roz is actually so, leaving only 40 minutes to come breaks any fluidity in the storytelling. enough to be treated to some excel- up to. Finding his father, and having a married. to some kind of conclusion for this Much like what everyone goes lent films that involve coming-of-age decent conversation is what he longs But the way everything keeps its complicated situation. Reality sinks through in the film, the audience may stories (Clueless, 10 Things I Hate for, and when he does turn up in the peace and quiet for quite some time is in for the characters, and one sensible find themselves hooked and intrigued About You, Mean Girls, Easy A), so it form of a scruffy-looking Kyle Chan- what’s remarkable. The four of them person of the group decides to call it in the beginning, only to be left dis- was about time we had another one of dler, the result is far from something are still as chummy as ever, and it’s quits. What looked so picturesque appointed and empty towards the these, and The Spectacular Now cer- he wanted. The adults surrounding back to their old routines of going to and felt perfect as the four of them end. The actresses in particular give tainly fits the bill. Miles, including Mary Elizabeth Win- the beach; the two beautiful mothers frolicked on the beach not caring for it their all, in playing the indecisive It starts with Sutter (Teller) having stead as his married older sister who lying in the sand soaking up the sun, one moment about real-life problems, women of a certain age who simply try to do what all high-school students he barely sees, all pitch in brilliant and the two good-looking sons go- must finish on a bitter note as the film to embrace love and life for what they must dread: the college application es- performances that further shape the ing surfing, exactly the same picture to moves forward. But what should are, but there is simply not enough say. He’s supposed to write about any film with touching drama. they’ve been painting over the years. have been the most intriguing part going on here to keep you interested difficulties and hardship he’s faced in Aside from being told that she has And for a good hour the pair of re- of the story turns into a surprisingly throughout the entire film, which is a life. With plenty of examples to give, an overbearing mother who wants lationships goes on without a single dry and tepid re-treading of famil- shame, given the highly unexpected, he starts typing away, giving us plenty her daughter around forever to help noticeable hitch. And with the four iar themes for a film that started out unique nature of the film’s core ro- of humourous insight into his life that with her newspaper route job, Aimee’s actors sharing convincing enough boldly in its opening. mance plot. has so far been far from ordinary. family life is talked about but barely He thinks he’s happy with his current seen, an aspect which should have girlfriend, and he thinks she’s happy been explored more, to give an even too, until he finds that she’s been go- balance in the two leads. ing to parties without him and instead The bittersweet nostalgia of hav- with the high-school quarterback. Al- ing to grow up and face the world out ready quite the big fan of booze and there is the inevitable theme the film having a constant light buzz wherever must address, as Miles is quite happy he goes (he has a handy little metal- enough sitting back and relaxing in lic flask he carries with him), Miles his little town that everyone else can- goes through one night of particular not wait to leave behind. It’s of course drunken debauchery that ends with a familiar message we’ve seen many him passing out on a stranger’s front times before, but ending the film is a yard, to be awoken the next morning brilliant closing montage with an ef- by Aimee (Woodley). fective voiceover from Sutter, beauti- So now the boy’s met the girl - and fully weaving together everything he’s the subsequent development of their learned over the course of the film’s relationship is quite simply the most running time, which is plenty. ICU R

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ay rugby at Imperial! mperial.ac.uk rfc.co.uk 22 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: John Park FILM fi [email protected] McAvoy’s filthy habits Imperial Cinema

sci-fi alien head, keeps hounding The supporting roles are largely un- John Park Bruce with unsettling questions? memorable (Jamie Bell, Imogen Poots Film Editor A Japanese student who turns up both have relatively thankless roles dead sets off the motion of events, as even with their big names), aside from taking the lead on this case could ef- Broadbent putting on a performance fectively get Bruce a step closer to the twice as creepy as the one he showed Filth promotion. But the film’s plot never us in Moulin Rouge, and Eddie Mar- remains solely on solving the case, nor san, the kind-hearted, rich best friend Director: Jon S. Baird does it concentrate on Bruce’s sly and of Bruce who is constantly manipu- Writers: Jon S. Baird, Irvine Welsh devious plans to take down his col- lated and pushed around by his detec- (novel) leagues. Filth is really all about Bruce, tive friend. Being a sensible, insecure Starring: James McAvoy, Jamie Bell, and every single detail of his personal softie suits Marsan, as he is respon- Jim Broadbent, Imogen Poots, Eddie and professional life is laid out for the sible for bringing out both the best Marsan the narrator’s mental state as he has audience as we try to piece together and worst in Bruce who, quite frankly This week, bald, furrow-browed Runtime: 97 minutes distressing visions that get in the way just what on earth must have hap- doesn’t deserve a friend like him. super villain Gru and his posse of Certifi cation: 18 of his boozy, dopey life. That someone pened to create such a person. Although starting with a cynical, Minions are back in Despicable Me like Bruce is in the law enforcement McAvoy is startlingly good in his black comedy view of Scotland, the 2! line of work already provides some mentally unhinged role that becomes film winds up in places you never Following on from the first solid groundwork for the film to build more and more unpredictable and thought would go. Word is, the novel Despicable Me, Gru is now a on. outrageous as time passes by. With of the same name the film is based on devoted father of three and a Robertson’s visions of disturbing an- every nervous twitch he shows, cap- is more daring with even less clear reformed supervillain. But happy Welcome to Scotland: where we are imals (pigs, sheep, you name it) don’t tured closely by so many uncomfort- boundaries. It feels as though that giv- families don’t last long before greeted by Bruce Robertson (McA- even begin to cover how energetically ably zoomed-in close-ups, his ex- en the film’s title, the overall content Gru is recruited by the Anti- voy), a coke-snorting, alcohol-addict- bonkers this film is. Why is the nar- tremely physical performance is one could have been more edgy or darker, Villain League to investigate the ed, sex-loving detective who’s gunning rative interrupted at times by Bruce’s thing that carries the movie and keeps and not perhaps relying solely on the mysterious disappearance of a top- for a promotion to the position of de- wife Carole (Shauna Macdonald) who everything together despite the many talent of the film’s leading man. secret laboratory in the Arctic. tective inspector. In order to get there, constantly breaks the fourth wall talk- off-beat strands that don’t quite gel The structure is no doubt a mess, Turns out the lab was producing he needs to eliminate his competition. ing to the audience about her married very well. Arousal of sympathy for a but anchored by a superb perfor- a dodgy chemical with a bullshit And by eliminate we don’t mean kill, life to Bruce? Why does Bruce keep character like Bruce is not the easi- mance from an actor whose extreme Hollywood Science name which but rather publicly humiliate so they’ll seeing a tar-stained boy in the corner est task to convey, but with McAvoy volatility screams mental breakdown, makes indestructible monsters be out of the running. He’s racist, sex- of his eyes? Or how about the night- showing a softer, more vulnerable side Filth is a wacky, unmissable ride, one out of anything, so shit has hit the ist, and every kind of -ist you can think marish therapy sessions he imagines to his unsteady self, which plays a piv- that is guaranteed to shock and offend proverbial fan. On top of this Gru of, and as we find out more about this being a part of, where Dr Rossi (Jim otal role in selling the big reveal in the and quite possibly make you think also has mayjah romantic woes as troubled man, you begin to question Broadbent), with a grossly enlarged final scenes of the film. twice before visiting Scotland. well as parenting struggles. Come along to find out how Gru and co. sort this mess out! Despicable Me 2 is a delightful follow up to the franchise, watch this space for the upcoming Minions spinoff. Let’s talk about sex addiction baby Despicable Me 2: Tuesday 15th /Thursday 17th Oct. 19:00pm mantic comedy dealing with the same in the recovery process is the porn- John Park subject matter. addicted, stress/guilt-eating Neil Tickets for individual screenings Film Editor Adam (the effortlessly good Ruffalo) (Gad, of ‘The Book of Mormon’ fame), are £3 for members and £4 for has been “sober” for five years now: whose friendship with fellow sex ad- non-members, buy on the door. and in sex addiction terms, this means dict Dede (Alecia Moore aka the sing- number of laughs and they move. Sure no pornography, no prostitutes, and er P!nk- who, if she ever needs a ca- it’s often contrived, and doesn’t delve £5 Membership includes one Thanks for Sharing no one-night-stands. His sponsor reer transition, should definitely give too deep into the real issue at hand, free film and cheaper ticket prices Mike (Robbins) encourages him to acting a go, given her impressive debut aside from Ruffalo explaining a thing all year! Buy it here: tickets. Director: Stuart Blumberg start dating again, given how much performance here) is where the film or two about his addiction. There imperialcinema.co.uk Writers: Stuart Blumberg, Matt change he’s shown over the years in finds its space for most of the humour. are even a couple of scenes that step Winston their 12-step recovery programme, Mike, Adam’s sponsor, also has his away from the breezy atmosphere to Next Week: Pacific Rim Starring: Mark Ruffalo, Gwyneth which is when he meets Phoebe (Pal- share of drama to handle mostly stem- portray something more honest and Paltrow, Josh Gad, Alecia Moore, Tim trow), a fitness freak, at a bug-eating ming from his family. His recovering painful about being a sex addict but Robbins, Joely Richardson party (no joke). addict son returns out of the blue it’s clear from the get-go that this isn’t Runtime: 112 minutes Their relationship develops, and claiming that he has truly kicked the something the film wants to spend too Certifi cation: 15 eventually the dreaded time comes for habit this time. His mother, Mike’s much time exploring. Adam to come clean about his secret wife Katie (Richardson, who looks so Ultimately everything means well, to the unsuspecting Phoebe who de- much like her mother Vanessa Red- and by addressing a taboo subject the scribes herself as a sexual person and grave that it’s almost scary in certain director has done well not to make wants to give him a cringe-worthy shots) believes him, but Mike refuses light of a serious condition people suf- lap-dance showing off her impeccable to let his son back in. This strand deals fer. It provides a very optimistic, hope- Everything that Shame was, Thanks figure. Will they survive this and will with the moving drama as family ten- ful view for those involved, and whilst for Sharing is not. Whereas we saw Adam be able to keep his sobriety go- sion escalates and goes to all the fa- the actual recovery process cannot se- Michael Fassbender spiral wildly out ing and not resort back to his old hab- miliar places of loud drama and harsh riously be as sugar-coated and colour- of control in Steve McQueen’s har- its when there are so many distracting words. ful as what is shown here, the certain rowing sex-addiction drama, Ruffalo triggers around him in everyday life? Overall the three main plots that we element of a feel-good factor delivered and Paltrow star as the couple to root Phoebe and Adam’s romance is the follow achieve what they originally set by the stellar cast is worth getting in- for in this light and often fluffy ro- “sweet” part of the film. Elsewhere out to do. They generate an adequate vested in. FRIDAY 11 OCT 23

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham [email protected] TELEVISION Dark Days in Downton Abbey Latest episode demonstrates how not to tackle a rape storyline

condescending to his daughter by Emily Fulham Television Editor expressing doubt in her ability to manage the estate, and the Abbey’s youngest resident, Rose, portrayed At the beginning of this week’s as fl ighty and reckless after daring Downton Abbey, there was a to dance with a man before asking warning for “violent scenes his name. Sometimes, Downton which some viewers may fi nd veers dangerously between upsetting”, leading me to wonder evoking a rose-tinted nostalgia what the cause could possibly be. for ‘the olden days’ and pointing Given the most signifi cant crisis out, heavy-handed, at how far thus far this season has been a we’ve come since then. It’s easy, matter of inheritance tax, it was whilst watching, to get a self- diffi cult to imagine anything congratulatory sense of ‘but look too disturbing: an emergency how things have changed’ (see over the spillage of hot tea, also: Mad Men), and yet rape, perhaps? A tear in Lady Mary’s sexism and debates over women’s dress which leaves her unable to sexuality are hardly issues meet some viscount or another? relegated to the past. And there’s Yet after an otherwise standard enough gratuitous rape in ‘edgy’ episode, featuring a tense drama as is, without the likes scene involving a misplaced of Downton deciding to join in. gramophone, and a truly heart- For once, there appears to be stopping moment in which a a consensus that, this time, the footman drops a jam jar, the fi nal writers have gone too far. It seems few minutes depicted a fairly this may be a misstep from the graphic rape scene. As the rest of show’s creator, Julian Fellowes; the household sits watching an by attempting to be hard-hitting opera singer perform, downstairs, a degree of care and sensitivity if he attempts to take revenge. a confrontation between her and controversial, the show has ladies’ maid Anna is dragged above most other topics, given Although it’s too early to tell, it’s husband and her rapist. h is sits alienated its core viewers. It will screaming by her hair, and raped that a not-insignifi cant number not a stretch to imagine that the even more uncomfortably when be for them to decide whether by a guest servant staying the of viewers will have been aff ected main purpose of Anna’s rape will considering the other storylines the show is worth saving, but house. It isn’t an easy scene to to some degree, and I’m not sure be to add a new source of drama of the series so far, which until then, let’s hope Fellowes watch, but it was more than just Downton, which is little more to the show, in particular to force include Lord Grantham being has learned from his mistake. the content of the scene that left than a glorifi ed period soap me feeling uneasy, leaving me opera, is best placed to do that. to question whether storylines h e thing is, there’s no way such as these really have a place of dealing with the issue with in a show like Downton Abbey. the gravitas it warrants, whilst Regular viewers of Downton will also following the otherwise know that it has a track record of mundane storylines in the show. making miserable things happen No matter how much it likes to its characters. h e third series to pretend otherwise, Downton had one of the main characters isn’t a gritty, high-brow drama. It dying in childbirth, which was gained its fans through the will- shortly followed by the Christmas they-won’t-they romance of Lady special in which the heir to the Mary and middle-class solicitor estate is killed in a car crash whilst Matthew, the sharp witticisms his wife is giving birth (the take- of Lady Grantham (played by a away message being, apparently, fantastic Maggie h atcher), and don’t get pregnant in Downton). the glorious fashions of the early Even Anna’s character has already twentieth century. It’s therefore had her fair share of diffi culties, not surprising that viewers were with her husband Bates being sent shocked after the episode aired on to prison for a crime he didn’t Sunday evening; ITV apparently commit, so perhaps this latest received over 60 complaints twist shouldn’t come as a surprise. regarding the scene, with headlines However, storylines about rape about the episode appearing in have become something of a lazy many newspapers the next day. plot device, an easy way to shock h e fallout from the rape will audiences and get viewers talking. presumably be one of the themes I’m not suggesting that the of this series, with Anna so far subject of rape shouldn’t be determined to keep her assault a tacked in TV programmes. secret from her husband, fearing Only, it has to be handled with he will be sent back to prison WWomanoman diesdies inin childbirth:childbirth: jjustust aanothernother ccheeryheery ddayay aatt thethe AAbbeybbey 24 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] 2012-13 Television

is a serious creative reboot, Revenge and derails Emily’s agenda, which slave (not being racist here, she really ways finds herself on the losing end. Revenge: Season 2 may as well call it quits, as the sliding makes for more sappy minutes, De- IS a slave), shows potential with her But on the plus side, she always looks ratings show the audience wasn’t a clan goes to a fancy posh school and duplicitous, selfish side emerging, so damn flawless and outshines her huge fan of the second series. finds that he’s not fitting in so well only for that to go nowhere too (she’s younger co-stars which is a real vis- The problems started when char- (oh god), and Daniel is stepping up also being written out for season 3 - ual treat. acters with potential were written off to the challenge of becoming a bona bye bye Ashley, be a dear and poison Coming back to the character who with barely a chance to speak. Most fide Grayson, plotting and scheming Charlotte on your way out will you?). started all this in the first place, Emily notable was Jennifer Jason Leigh’s although still looking like an over- Things take an even more drastic looks as lost as the writers. She dilly embarrassingly brief stint on the sized immature 14-year-old way over turn for the worse with the introduc- dallys with her revenge idea, a huge John Park Television Editor show as Emily’s biological mother. his head. The worst offender of all tion of The Initiative, a collection of let-down for everyone who’s been As a mentally unstable character, however is Aidan - an old classmate bad guys ultimately responsible for rooting for her since day one (i.e. there could have been more drama of Emily. The two of them met whilst everything bad that’s happened in me), and with a drewwwwary pace to play around with, but sadly after they were both in the Japanese Re- Emily’s life. The name is ridiculous in that is more interested in her love Previously on Revenge; Emily Thorne one brief hostage situation she went vengey Academy (not a real place). itself, and when we get a glimpse into stories, Emily has very little time to (Emily van Camp) was a kick-ass away for good. Much anticipation Their sensei saw romance develop- their offices, oh what a treat we’re in flex her action muscles and put her vengeful heroine who would have and hype surrounded what Emily’s ing between the two, and decided for. They sit in their sci-fi futuristic tacky martial arts moves to good use scared Count Monte Cristo’s socks mother would bring to the overall to tear them apart. It’s been years, set, one that would most likely find in dodgy choreography. off...in season 1. When the show de- narrative and what chemistry she they reconnect, and he wants to help its place on the Starship Enterprise, Are things looking better for the buted, Emily’s goal was to take down would share with the cast but alas, Emily. Help her how exactly...? All they stare at screens and make deci- third season? Well...to start with, anyone and everyone who played a this was not meant to be, and an ac- Aidan does is create another side of sions to kill people. Yes there may be two of the aforementioned good-for- part in her innocent father’s (James tress of Jason Leigh’s calibre should a love-shape Emily’s rapidly build- people in the world who do this kind nothing roles were given the brutal Tupper) unfair downfall and his have gotten more. ing up for herself, and with another of thing for a living, but given how axe (not literally - although this is eventual death - and at the heart of Exhibit B of more useless charac- eligible bachelor comes at least a few Revenge started, this marked a seri- an absolutely just cause for celebra- this conspiracy was the Graysons, ters: the men. That is, of course, with episodes of mopey sulking, when ous step down for the show. tion: hurrah), but to put a damper of a wealthy Hamptonite family who the exception of Conrad Grayson people should really be getting their Putting a face on The Initiative are things is the announcement that two would lie, cheat, manipulate and (Henry Czerny) whose pure evil na- act together and launching an attack Helen Crowley (Wendy Crewson) new actors have signed on for recur- kill anyone to score an extra buck ture makes him awesome as he gets on the smug Graysons. and Mr Trask (Burn Gorman), two ring roles. One, a character close to or two. There were mindgames be- more deserved screen time. Nolan Want more needless characters? villains so over the top they make Victoria and another who may or tween Emily and the Grayson matri- (Gabriel Mann) is also invaluable to Charlotte Grayson (Christa B. Al- Disney baddies look like a real-world may not have something going on arch Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) as Emily’s quest, and is excluded from len) should have stayed dead with possibility. Helen eventually clashes with Daniel. Only time will tell on Emily worked her magic wrapping this category. Plus, he’s loaded and the overdose from the season 1 finale with Victoria, the protective mother, whether there are enough people still Daniel Grayson (Joshua Bowman), is a genius. Who can hate a man and Amanda Clarke (Margarita Le- who has one highlight episode of ac- invested in the show to keep those the Grayson son, around her fingers. like that? So “the men” include Jack vieva), Emily’s “best friend aka the tually doing something memorable. all important 18-49-year-olds’ rat- With an explosive season 1 finale, Re- Porter (Nick Wechsler), his often- girl Emily swapped identities with” That’s right...ONE...out of 22. ings/share, but to not haemorrhage venge was supposed to have an even invisible younger brother Declan wants the audience’s sympathy when Victoria, as always, is craftier with viewers, the show needs to go back better follow-up season. (Connor Paolo), Daniel Grayson, and it comes to the mid-season climax, her verbal threats than she is when to where everything kicked off so So where did it all go wrong? Sea- a new entry to the cast, Aidan Mathis and to that I say too little too late. it comes to actually getting things well, and lose all the fancy wannabe son 2 has ended, and the third season (Barry Sloane). Jack the lost puppy in Only Ashley Davenport (Ashley done. She fancies herself as quite the plot lines to keep everything taut and is well under way, but unless there search of a connection only delays Madekwe), the Graysons’ live-in schemer and backstabber, but she al- focused. FRIDAY 11 OCT 25

@feliximperial TELEVISION FelixImperial Sophomore Slumps

exactly they contribute. The new bad and her mother Mary Margaret/ Once Upon a guys? Cora (Barbara Hershey), Re- Snow White have some quality gina’s witch mother who’s twice the mother-daughter bonding session Time: Season 2 bitch her daughter is, and Captain when they inadvertently find them- Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) - these selves away from Storybrooke, al- two are plotting a comeback, eager to though after some horrendously bad, transport themselves to Storybrooke childish “action” scenes they’re back to wreak havoc. where they belong united with their With two parallel narratives to jug- family; which is when they really John Park Television Editor gle, did we really need a third? Yes, start laying on the cheese. The whole we absolutely did. Piling on to the “I see good in you”, “there’s good in overlong, overly complicated struc- everyone”, “you have a good heart” Previously on Once Upon a Time; ture, the writers clearly felt there was “be a good person no matter what” characters from the most beloved a need to link everyone to everyone angle grows more tiresome than fairytale stories were brainwashed, else, making Lost seem like a trivial, Glee’s endless weekly message of “be ripped away from their home the small-scale drama. With season 1 yourself”, as residents of Storybrooke Enchanted Forest, and forced into the characters, along with the audi- show they need a big reality check a modern-day hellish locked down ence, had no idea who they were. when it comes to life in general. town called Storybrooke run by the Now with everything restored back On the plus side the one character evil witch queen and self-appointed to normal, as well as the audience the show could do without, Rumpel- mayor Regina (Lana Parrilla, still getting a firm grasp on who’s loved/ stiltskin/Mr Gold, has every chance looking as dark and controlling as kissed/betrayed/killed whom, the to flourish in his self-centred, duplic- ever) who wished to punish every- writers could have dialled it back on itous schemes. Although standing one for lifelong feuds she had with all the highly irrelevant flashbacks. by his side is the irritating Belle, who various people. As more of the char- The show never seems to know acts as the lead spokeswoman of the acters’ complex, intertwined past when to leave the past alone. It “be good” campaign. was revealed, the more enriched eve- would appear Regina and Snow Cora and Hook, who are up to ryone’s background story became. White (Ginnifer Goodwin) are con- no good, add some fresh dynamic With enough flashback sequences to stantly trying to kill each other over into the otherwise dull narrative. explain and unmask various people’s what feels like a hundred years, with Hershey absolutely nails her role true intentions, Season 2 was setting Charming (Jos80h Dallas - dull, as she channels hints of her similar up as though the residents of Story- corny, and hardly ever heroic) pop- “mother-from-hell” character from brooke were finally ready to move on ping by for a few showdowns; but Black Swan, and O’Donoghue shows with their lives. that’s not all, Regina’s past with Cora he’s more than just a pretty-face eye- With a flash of mystical-looking complicates things, and so does the candy with a different accent for the purple smoke, magic re-entered Sto- entrance of Snow White’s mother. ladies who make up a large percent- rybrooke in the Season 1 finale, along Regina has a past connection with age of the demographic. with everyone’s memories, and soon Captain Hook, he holds a grudge It’s a show full of ups and downs, after we find that the inhabitants are against Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Car- but given the abundance of material, rightly out for blood: Regina’s blood. lyle), who has a thing for Belle (Emi- it really should be better. Be bold and But hold on, we’re not just interested lie de Ravin), who is also a target of kill off a few characters, less focus in Storybrooke here. Hook, Belle also met Mulan and Red on the past, more driving forward Back we go to the magical fan- Riding Hood in the past, etc, etc. You with the present storylines, and who tasy kingdom to be introduced to think you get the full picture? Look knows, some flashforwards, which Princess Aurora (Sarah Bolger), aka again, and you’ll realise as long as this served Lost so well during its mid- Sleeping Beauty, who, as her name show goes on, you’ll never know for series struggle, might do some good suggests, doesn’t do anything, Mulan sure just who is involved with what for a series that is growing stale very (Jamie Chung), aka the Chinese Prin- when and where. Whereas season 1 quickly. The season 2 finale promises cess, who you’d think would be able took very neat, clever approaches to adventure into a new realm, with a to put up a decent fight, but doesn’t, linking various characters together, super-villain (who can fly, who can and Prince Philip (Julian Morris), aka now everything seems far-fetched fly, who can fly) who is bound to be a Aurora’s boyfriend, who’s as useless and a touch desperate in an attempt cunning, conniving man-child (hint, if not more so, than his narcoleptic to squeeze absolutely everyone into hint). So here’s to hoping some mag- girlfriend. These are the good guys, the plot. ic will be brought back into the world although at times it’s hard to see how Emma Swan (Jennifer Morrison) of OUAT. 26 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene, GAMES Imran Rashid [email protected] Dumped Planetside (2), time to get revenge Like a good meal, steak as the main and planets on the side

preferred the Light Assault class being so many players on the server. model, meaning that you can play Max Eggl due to the addition of the pretty Since this game is a multiplayer for free, however have to pay for Games Editor useful jetpack! However due to the game, there is the reasonable additional content. h e developers modifi ability of each weapon and expectation that you will be spending have pledged that you will not be ability, it is possible to play one class quite a bit of time playing online with disadvantaged if you do not pay, as almost like another and do so quite others. Howevever it is perfectly fi ne the content that costs is for the most Ever wanted to take part into a successfully. h e most fun class is the playing solo, and it will not really part cosmetic/time saving. At no continent wide battle for control MAX class, which is basically a Iron impact your gaming experience. On point in the game did I really feel that of an entire planet? PlanetSide man type suit which you can add the other hand, it is when you join I needed to pay money, and it did 2 (released November 2012) the diff erent loadouts to. h is suit is quite a squad that stuff goes really well. not really hamper my ability to play. revamp of the succesful MMOFPS overpowered, meaning that if you do Usually you will be added to a squad h is is a well crafted game that PlanetSide allows you to do exactly it right you can mow down enemies! on a random basis (e.g. some random is quite fun, and the fact that you that! It revolves around the control fi rst time, you are confronted with h e gunplay in this game is quite dude will invite you to join a squad), can enjoy the most of it for free is of the mysterious planet of Auraxis. a choice of a faction that you will realistic, meaning that for the bullet and the quality of them can vary but excellent. If you are a fan of Halo Featuring a gigantic map, which represent. h ere are the Terran based guns you will have to account when it goes well, it goes really well! type games, you should really look is divided into hexagonal areas Republic (the industrial faction, for gravity and the like (however h is game follows the fremium into this. I mean, you might as well! where the three diff erent factions which uses bullets and heavy metal the laser based tech of the Vanuu vie for control. While in eff ect you stuff ), the New Conglomerate (a does not have this factor). However can spawn anywhere on the three freedom fi ghter faction, using a I found that due to the size of the continents, you will only be wanting mish mash of technologies) and map as well as the large amount of to spawn in to where the actual action the Vanuu Sovereignty (the high people on the server at the time is taking place. h is is easily done tech faction, which utilise laser and that it was actually quite laggy. h at using the direct spawn in (which has plasma tech). While gampeplay meant at some points I would die a 2 minute cooldown), or spawning in is virtually the same within the even after I had killed my opponent. from your local base. h is allows for three factions, the developers h is was very frustrating, and even quick entry to gaming which is quite have made enough changes to setting the graphics settings to the satisfying. h e maps themselves are look and feel, that you do feel like lowest didnt seem to solve that beautifully crafted and even on the there is a signifi cant diff erence. problem. I really hope that this is lowest settings, quite detailed. h is h e diff erent classes themselves are solved soon as possible, because makes fl ying, driving or just walking also really fun, and each individual when the game play is actually through the world very enjoyable. one makes for a completely diff erent lag-free it is really good and fun. When joining the game for the gaming experience. I myself However there are pros to there Lara Croft dies. Tomb Raider is born. Tomb Raider 2013 provides the long awaited origin story harsh elements and the game focuses and fun. h e main downsides to where interactive objects are heart, even from the beginning of Imran Rashid on her pain and fear. She shivers, gameplayp y are the occasional times hhighlighted take some of the the game. h e overall plot of Tomb Games Editor sobs, and throwst up as she tries her wwhere you do not fun outo of the game as you Raider is also fairly engaging, though best to survive her situation, and this hhave total iimmediately the supporting cast are not quite as makes her more than a character in a control of Lara know wwhere well-developed as Lara (something game. It makes her human, and our dduringri g certain to go and can p piece the game attempts to fi x by having h e Lara Croft we see in this game is sympathy goes out to her. If you fail, scenes, together solutions to Lara randomly fi nding letters that very diff erent to how we might usually there are graphic and gory sequences and feel like puzzles without much reveal their back-stories). perceive her: confi dent, strong, of her death, further increasing yyoyou’re just thought (though it is h e completion of the story is comfortable with diving into dark your incentivee as anticipated, and not entirely caves or putting bullets into enemies. to keep satisfying. However, once it’s Instead, our main character starts her alive. over, there are still mini-quests to off as anxious, afraid and averse to However, as complete and various bits and bobs violence. h is game takes us back to you play on she becomes stronger, hholding the optional). to go fi nd, which you will actually the beginning of the metamorphosis both emotionally and physically, controller h e graphics and cinematics still want to do because it’s quite fun! from Lara Croft to the Tomb Raider. and the game slowly turns into a wwhile the of the game are beautiful. Overall the main strength of this Initially the game has cinematic more familiar adventure that is script h ere are a multitude of game is the peek into Lara’s early scripted sequences that can be exhilarating, albeit a little typical. pplays caches, documents and history and the vivid scenes of her frustrating to sit through with Weapon and skills upgrades are oout. relics scattered development into the Tomb Raider, minimal involvement, but it sets translatable into good advantages SSecond, the aaround the areas and it’s but it has enough of the good old the scene very well and allows you in gameplay, and not prohibitively ‘survival actually a visual shooting and puzzle-solving to please to understand that you are about diffi cult to acquire. Traversing the iinstincts’ ppleasure to look the more traditional gamers too. to play a very diff erent game to the areas is fast-paced, and fi nding mmode for them. h ey also help Tomb Raider 2013 was released one you might have expected. Lara ‘tombs’ where you can solve puzzles bring out the archaeological side on 5 March 2013. It can currently is attacked, stabbed, exposed to the and earn goodies isi rewarding of Lara Croft, which is who she is at be bought for around £9.99. It’s time to go back to the 90s! IPOP will lead you on a pop-fused, IPOP joy-filled extravaganza of POP delights.

Friday 18 October 20:00 - 01:00 Metric Entry £2.50 imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on 28 FRIDAY 11 OCT Editor: Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Awara TECHNOLOGY technology.felix@imperial. ac.uk Nexus 7 Review! Apparently, the best 7-inch tablet you can get

touts an impressive screen resolution turned on and woke up to fi nd that of 1920 x 1200 pixels at 323 pixels it has drained less than 5% of the Yong Wen Chua per inch (ppi). And thankfully, it has battery life. Pretty impressive! On the Technology Editor ditched the Tegra series of SOC for number side of things, I can only say the Qualcomm Snapdragon S4 Pro, unscientifi cally that the device feels and comes with a hefty 2 GB of RAM. fast. It is a joy to use. If you are looking h e display is an absolute treat. With for the numbers on the device, I would he Nexus series of devices such an impressive ppi, I can hardly point you to the excellent review that released by Google is now tell the pixels apart from each other. AnandTech (http://www.anandtech. a staple amongst many Text looks absolutely crisp and a joy com/show/7231/the-nexus-7-2013- Android users’ arsenal of to read. With a PDF of my report review) has done. My only concern devices. Initially touted as zoomed out to display an entire page with the device is how it does not try Ta benchmark setting niché series of on screen, I could read the text on it to exceed the current hardware norm, devices, the Nexus series has spawned without needing to strain my eyes. and break the mold. While the price off its own fanbase for users who are h e colours do seem a bit yellowish, is really great for its hardware, the interested in always having the latest but that could be due to the poor hardware is simply what is current at version of Android free from any colour calibration on Google’s part, the time of its release. h is means that custom manufacturer’s skins. h e something which could be fi xed the hardware will become outdated original Nexus 7 released in 2012 was with some manual user calibration rather quickly. While it is inevitable lauded as one of the best tablets upon if they root the device, (then again, for devices released today to become its release. However, one year on, this is highly subjective.) h e high outdated tomorrow, I was hoping the Tegra 3 System-On-Chip (SOC) resolution seems to also have taken that Google would try and set a in it has shown its limitation with its toll on the animations of some higher standard with its current line sub-par performance and battery unoptimised applications. Scrolling of Nexus devices, much like how the life. Combined with the cheap fl ash through an article on the Guardian original Nexus One did. h e Nexus memory used in its manufacture, application is janky, and the page fl ip 7 is an excellent device. If you are in the original Nexus 7 now feels like a animation of my PDF application is the market for a 7-inch device, and are sluggish monster to use. Google has simply unusable. Although the battery unwilling to pay the price that Apple seeked to rectify this with the new is smaller in size than the original has asked for its iPad Mini, the Nexus Nexus 7 model. Starting at £199 for a Nexus 7, the battery life is much better 7 should be at the top of your list. It has 16 GB model, the Nexus 7 is one of the on this new model. Turning on the a good price, with excellent hardware. most aff ordable 7-inch tablets in the screen for prolonged usage, however, h e device is also guaranteed to always market, if you discount the recently still destroys the battery life, although run the latest version of Android, released budget £119 tablet called at a slower rate. h e tablet boosts an unencumbered by the lengthy “Hudl” by Tesco (which apparently amazing standby power consumption. delays that Android devices are does not suck at all!). h e Nexus 7 I left the tablet overnight with WiFi infamous for their software updates. The Torrid State of the Onion Kier Little on the shutdown of the webʼs biggest drug dealership It was something like a 90s in a recent spate of developments on to its users as Dread Pirate Roberts. real identity, which the FBI linked going on to say that with manual cyberpunk’s dream: an anonymous, the Tor network: two weeks earlier, In real life, he is 29 year old physicist to the hidden services. h e FBI took analysis they can reveal a very small hidden marketplace on the “deep another marketplace called Atlantis Ross Ulbricht, who lives in San control of the servers after his arrest. fraction of users, but not on demand. web” where everything from research shut down, seemingly voluntarily. In Francisco, and who had earned around Both of these show that Tor hasn’t Still, the confi dence of Tor’s users, psychedelics to stolen credit card August, the hidden webhost service $80 million from the site. He was been compromised; however, Tor many of whom are attempting to details could be bought. h e Silk Freedom Hosting, which served arrested last h ursday and charged doesn’t protect from old fashioned evade snooping by the NSA, has been Road, considered by some a bold child pornography, was seized by with narcotics traffi cking, computer cracking, an unsecured hidden shaken. When the FBI seized Freedom experiment in libertarianism, by the FBI. Later that month, millions hacking and money laundering, but service, while anonymous, is just as Hosting, they installed javascript others the biggest online hotbed of of new clients connected to the it was human error, rather than any susceptible to attack as something code exploiting older versions of illegal trade, was fi nally shut down Tor network, far more than natural fl aw in Tor’s anonymity, which led to accessible from the internet. the Tor Browser Bundle which by the FBI last week after over growth in the service’s popularity can his arrest: at the time of Silk Road’s Tor’s software is open source and revealed many users’ IP addresses two years of successful operation. account for, most likely a criminal launch in January 2011, a user called extensively vetted, and the Tor Project ,not so much a chip in Tor’s armour, Tor, h e Onion Router, sends botnet. h ese events have raised Altoid appeared on several forums say, “nothing about this case makes but a complete sidestep around it. connections through several relays concerns for Tor’s users, especially advertising the site. One post contained us think that there are new ways h e exploit was quickly fi xed, but around the world, hiding users’ ip in light of the recent NSA leaks: Ulbricht’s personal email address, to compromise Tor (the software raises deep concerns that similar addresses from websites they visit. It is the network as anonymous as it which led to his being investigated. or the network)”. A recent leaked vulnerabilities could arise in the future. also allows websites like h e Silk Road, claims, or has it been compromised In the Freedom Hosting case, presentation from the NSA claims While Tor is certainly still safe known as hidden services, which are by law enforcement agencies? the owner attempted to set up a that, “we will never be able to de- for its intended purpose, hiding only accessible via Tor and have a h e Silk Road’s operator is known bitcoin-dealing company using his anonymize all Tor users all the time”, your ip from websites, these recent .onion domain name. Tor is widely events show that Tor alone isn’t used by journalists and activists to enough to protect you when hosting hide their identities and circumvent criminal activity. Paranoid users are censorship in oppressive countries, looking towards alternatives such but its hidden services are infamous as i2p and Project Meshnet, but for for piracy and criminal activity. most, the onion router’s anonymity h e Silk Road takedown is the latest hasn’t yet been peeled away. FRIDAY 11 OCT 29

@felixtechnology

FelixImperial TECHNOLOGY 3-D Printers take off! Osama Awara, new tech editor, informs you about 3D space printing!

Launching a rocket into space is in less heavier which for NASA is a big itself a tricky business; well after all it bonus because fuel prices just aren’t is rocket science! in the favour of anyone these days, The News Bubble Being able to repair one or a space apart from them Saudi oil lords. Scott station for that matter is a diff erent Crump, one of the fi rst developers of General news from around the tech world, so you can keep up to ball game altogether. NASA has plans 3-D printing said, ‘h e good news is date with the newest, wierdest and most futuristic things around to launch their very own 3-D printer that you don’t have to have this huge by next year, and for those of you amount of inventory in space, but the who aren’t familiar with this novel bad news is now you need materials,’ Samsung curved screen way of printing, it basically involves and I get his point: you’ will need to making a 3-D object of your choice be able to store large quantities of h e fi rst ever curved smartphone has been launched. Called the Galaxy and having a machine spew it out for diff erent types of material (namely round, it is made by Samsung as you may have guessed. h is comes just you by simply adding layers of material plastic and metal) but at the end of days after a rival in the smartphone market announced its own curved together. NASA has been looking at the day storing them is a lot easier and smartphone. At the moment this strange novelty is only available in ways for many years to make the lives convenient then storing already built South Korea. How much this bendy trend will catch on is unknown of astronauts easier, as if having to and functioning equipment. What chase their food around isn’t trouble is more amazing than printing tools enough, astronauts have to worry hoping that the necessary parts and and parts, is miniature 3-D satellites, about repairing faulty components in tools are on the station already, what ‘what!?’ I hear you shout, yes, NASA and around space craft/stations which if the parts could be 3-D printed when engineers are also trying their hands 1 millionth Rasperry Pi can potentially be life threatening if they needed them?” Aaron Kemmer, at 3-D printing these little bad-boys not attended to. A perfect example CEO of Made in Space, a company that could shoot out of the space h e Rasperry Pi, the mini computer that is available for £25-£32, has of this was in 1970 when astronauts which is one of Silicon Valley’s new station and transmit signals to earth. known been produced 1 million times in the UK. Let this not mislead you, abroad the fatally struck Apollo 13 members and are contracted to Of course space printers are going to actually this little wonder has sold over 1.5 million units. h is makes it the were forced to jerry rig a carbon- oversee NASA’s 3-D printing space have to be made slightly diff erent from most successful british computer since the BBC Micro (yes, BBC did make dioxide fi lter using scrap materials programme (pretty impressive for a their earthly counterparts as they’d a PC a while back). We all expect a lot from this credit card sized Brit! such as a plastic bag and book cover start-up to say the least). have to operate under zero gravity and the old classic of DIY: duct tape. Now of course it’s not just space and survive the ridiculous amount of If it were not for the ingenuity of crew safety that 3-D printers will improve vibrations during take-off in order to members and engineers on ground but also making the availability of land in one piece, so in terms of cost New apple event control, this could’ve potentially been space (if you’d pardon the pun) a hell of it’d be more than your average $2000 a disastrous return mission. What a lot better. Imagine eventually being 3-D printer but knowing NASA’s News reports suggest that Apple will be holding an event on October 22. NASA aims to do with 3-D printing able to launch a printer into space that outrageous budgets investing in one Rumours on the interwebs suggest that new iPads, general info on pricing is allow astronauts to build their own allows you to make virtually anything, of these would be like us going into of Mavericks as well as the dandy new Mac Pro will be revealed. h e big repair tools and replacement parts so all you’d need to take up with you a supermarket and buying a kilo of iPad is set to be redesigned falling in line with its smaller brother with a incidents that happened back in the is just the printer and some plastic, tomatoes. All in all for any remaining cleaner fi nish and portrait size bezel. Furthermore there are suggestions old ’70s NASA era aren’t repeated. obviously I’m exaggerating a wee bit sceptics out there, 3-D printing is a that the mini will get the same colour palette as the iPhone 5C. Hopefully “Imagine an astronaut needing to make but you get my point, 3-D printers will sustainable method for bringing with this event will not be quite as disappointing as the last one. a life-or-death repair… Rather than make sending a rocket into space a lot you what you need when you need it.

BBC iPlayer 30 days!

h e popular online service provided by the BBC is set to get an update. Viewing windows will now be increased to 30 days for some shows, as well as some being viewable before the offi cial broadcast! Furthermore, music is taking a step into the foreground with Radio 1 being introduced into the iPlayer as well!

HTC One Max

One of the only serious competitors to the Samsung dominance of android, HTC is on the verge of announcing the HTC One Max. h is giant of a phone (even bigger than the galaxy note) will look much like the HTC One, and will feature a fi ngerprint scanner in the same manner that the iPhone 5S does.

Maximilian Eggl Yong Wen Chua Osama Awara

Technology Editors 30 FRIDAY 11 OCT

Editor: Chris Richardson TRAVEL [email protected]

Hangzhou: a forgotten pearl from heaven

Get the lowdown on a fresh UNESCO site in the heart of Chinaʼs Zhejiang Province

Zhuoqi Shi Shukai Wang

Event details:

Hangzhou Cultural Week, 17th - 21st October

A series of events celebrating the culture of Hangzhou. All are welcome to attend.

For more information and to register your interest, contact Shukai Wang (sw2711). FRANY ZHANG FRANY ZHANG Hangzhou The West Lake

Hangzhou is the capital city of and It was a lazy, breezy autumn afternoon. Scenic spots on largest city in the Zhejiang Province, h e blue fl agstones were still a little wet Eastern China, with 3.56 million after the light rain at noon. h e smell of the West Lake people living in its six urban core perfume hung in the air: osmanthus was districts. Lying on the Hangzhou Bay, blossoming. Hangzhou, the great city, just southwest of Shanghai, Hangzhou was like a young graceful lady. A thin Top ten scenic spots on the has great economic power. It has layer of fog penetrated above the West West Lake: been one of the most renowned and Lake, as if the elegant lady was wearing Known as the ‘Ten Scenes of the prosperous cities of China since Qin a veil. Small boats scattered on the lake West Lake’, each is remembered Dynasty, due in part to its beautiful and dangled gleamingly in the fog. by a four-character epithet natural scenery. Hangzhou is at Sometimes, big dragon barges passed written in the calligraphy of the the southern end of China’s Grand by before disappearing back into the Qianlong Emperor: Canal which extends to Beijing. mist again. On the horizon, continuous h e city fi rst appeared in written hills merged with the sky and the Dawn on the Su Causeway in records as Yuhang, meaning ‘Yu’s lake. Willows kissed the water. A few Spring(⸽ሐ᫓᭐) Ferry’, and was incorporated into dilapidated lotuses were whispering the Chinese empire as a part of the about how they had just culminated Curved Yard and Lotus Pool in Kuaiji Commandery during the the summer. Crewmen and teahouse FRANY ZHANG Summer (᭤㝔㢼Ⲵ) Qin Dynasty. In 589 CE the city clerks were calling for business. was renamed Hangzhou, and a city Hot spring water ran into a glass. h e Moon over the Peaceful Lake in wall was constructed two years green tea leaves opened their curled Autumn (ᖹ†⛅᭶) later. In 923 CE Wuyue Kingdom bodies, stood up and danced in the was founded, and for the fi rst time water. Tiger-dug spring with Dragon Remnant Snow on the Bridge in Hangzhou had become a capital of a Well tea: the most perfect match in Winter (᪇ᶫṬ㞷) regime. Hangzhou was also the centre Chinese tea history. I held the glass and of politics, the economy and culture in tasted a drop. A fresh smell tinged my Leifeng Pagoda in the Sunset Southern Song. It also gives Hangzhou tongue, and the hot steam blurred my (㞾ᓠኤ↷) the prestigious status of being one of glasses. I just closed my eyes, to feel the the Seven Ancient Capitals of China. vitality and the spring locked within. Two Peaks Piercing the Clouds We cannot talk about Hangzhou Pieces of sweet Osmanthus cakes, (㞬ᓠᥨ㞼) without mentioning West Lake, lost words, and fond memories were a freshwater lake located in the with me throughout the afternoon. Orioles Singing in the Willows historic area of Hangzhou. h e lake Hangzhou is my beloved hometown. (ᰗᾉ⪺㭬) is divided by the Bai Causeway, Su I sometimes think it is not blood in my Causeway and Yang Gong Causeway, vessels, but the water of the West Lake. Fish Viewing at the Flower Pond which made signifi cant contributions I had been told countless fairy tales (ⰼ や㨶) to Hangzhou’s prosperity. Marco about the West Lake since I was a little Polo once came to Hangzhou and girl. h e most popular one was a love From Top to Bottom: 1) Tulips in Taiziwan Garden, 2) West Lake in the h ree Ponds Mirroring the famously praised it as city of heaven. story between a mercy snake banshee Snow, 3) Broken Bridge, 4) a Hangzhou sunset Moon (୕₺༳᭶) h ere are numerous temples, and a human. h e broken bridge on pagodas, gardens, and artifi cial the West Lake was where they met, poems about Hangzhou and the West lake, a musical performance began: Evening Bell Ringing at the islands within the lake. It was made although it has not been broken down Lake: great poets have not only given the Impressive West Lake by Yimou Nanping Hill (༡ᒊ᫽㚝) a UNESCO World Heritage Site until now. I guess it is not the bridge, us beautiful poetry, but have kept Zhang. Music fountain performances in 2011, and was described as “an but the heart that broke, as the snake the West Lake a unique treasure that were bravura and passionate as well. idealized fusion between humans was not permitted to be with a real will continue inspire for generations. Zhuoqi Shi and nature.” Almost all of the natural man. In the end she was locked under Night began to fall. Small boats were Hangzhou: her beauty, elegance parks and museums are free to a tower, the Leifeng Pagoda, and back and streetlights were on. Bars, and vogue sweep the world from Shukai Wang visitors from all over the world. separated from her husband forever. cafes, clubs and teahouses began to her feet, and h e West Lake is a When I grew up, I had read many get busy. As I was cycling around the forgotten pearl from the heaven. FRIDAY 11 OCT 31

Editor: Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Yat Kit Chung FOOD [email protected] The self-catering cheatsheet Sage(!) advice on how to shop, cook and eat smart - fresherʼs 15 begone! Understandably everyone reading budget for future weeks accordingly... Sometimes a simple swap in the MAKING THE MOST OF IT grater helps create interest in dishes as this article will have a diff erent plus pasta isn’t a heavy expenditure. cut of meat can save you pounds. We Cook two portions in a go, don’t well: grated carrot and cucumber in a view or preference/budget when it We recommend doing a food shop opt for chicken thigh/drumstick meat bother with just one, as you’ll be tossed salad, anyone? comes to eating or food shopping. weekly and with at least one shopping instead of breast meat sometimes making and washing up the same Measure out pasta/spaghetti to cut Even within Carol’s household, the buddy. BOGOF/BOGOHP (Buy One chopped up, it’s more sumptuous in amount of mess. Keep one portion down on waste. As a handy guideline, boys prefer to bag everything from Get One Free/Half Price) deals are stews and has a richer fl avour. For for lunch the next day, or share with a standard mugful of pasta is enough Sainsbury’s (everything’s in one great; but sometimes if they’re on protein fi ends with little to no time, a mate (and get them to cook the next for one person. For spaghetti, we love location), whereas she doesn’t mind fresh produce you may not use it all in eggs and fi sh are a great and cheaper day!) the spaghetti measure from Joseph scouring the North End Road market time so having a food shopping buddy way to keep going. If you’re short on dosh, all-in-one Joseph (check out John Lewis) that can and butcher’s for cheaper produce. means you get to enjoy the deals but Buy seasonal fruit and veg. We’re meals like soups, one-pan dishes or be adjusted to measure out portions However there are some universal without as much outlay. It works for sometimes guilty of violating this stir-fries are great to save on the cost. 1-4 servings. It’s 8 quid, but you’ll rules that most savvier food shoppers/ online food shopping as well get a as a certain editor is a sucker for h ere’s still a way to eat cheap and recoup the cost in terms of spaghetti cooks will agree with, so we’ve listed few more buddies, split the delivery clementines whatever month of the healthy without having to resort to pot (and other sauce) not wasted. them here for your convenience. cost or try and hit free-delivery spend year we’re in, but it’s a lot better to noodle (okay, we’ve made pot noodle And of course, the most basic h ink of it as a bit of a springboard amounts. stick to the produce that comes with gourmet before in a previous issue but time-saving tip (for you chronic on- if you’re new to or still have kittens Whatever you do, don’t head off the seasons. Leeks and potatoes for you get our drift!). the-rush freshers)... food cooks faster when it comes to self-catering! shopping on an empty stomach. Many Autumn/Winter, light summery veg Don’t chuck out sad-looking fruit, if you chop it up into smaller bits of us can testify that you’ll end up for the warmer months... your wallet give it a new lease of life by blitzing instead of larger chunks (e.g. carrots PLANNING AHEAD spending more... will thank you, and no one wants to it up for smoothies/yogurt sauce, and potatoes for roasting/boiling/stir- Unless you’ve got immense eat a dense casserole in summer so or maybe use it in a pudding/cake frying). No one’s going to be judging supermarket-fu, get into the habit SAVVY CHOICES your stomach will too! (banana bread, we’re looking at you). you on whether you’ve presented your of making a shopping list and You don’t always have to be a food/ Make it a point to try something To keep it fresh for longer though, veg in cubes or matchsticks, so unless corresponding food budget AND label snob. Sometimes own-brand/ new in terms of fruit or veg (or maybe we recommend storing bananas away you’re cooking for Gordon Ramsay it stick to it. It’s very easy to go over value-brand stuff is on par or perhaps even cuts of meat) once a week. It’s a from other fruit, their gases make fruit really doesn’t matter. your budget when you see temptables better than the name-brand stuff you great way to broaden your horizons go off faster. masked as “oh-actually-I-want-some- fi nd in supermarkets (Basics digestives and prevent you from being stuck in Similarly for older veg, they tend of-these” items. and smoked salmon trimmings are a food rut. You never know, you may to make great soup or sauce-bulking Got a few protips of your Some weeks you’ll need to stock Felix Food favourites). However there end up liking it, Carol found out that ingredients. Or just cook them for own for us? Weʼd be happy up on some dried/tinned goods (rice, are times where you do get what you way with beetroot! h e internet is a longer in a winter stew. to make a compilation. pasta) and that’ll mean you spend a pay for, so you might have to have a great place to fi nd out what to do with Invest in a decent grater, for cheese, Send them over to bit more in those weeks during the try for yourself. Do keep an open mind novel (to you) foods/ingredients. it boosts fl avor and aerates it a bit so [email protected] month, but that’s okay. Adjust the though! you’ll use less and save money. A good

Prime Meat Soc Meet CHECK IT OUT: ICU CO-OP Helen Pennington with a meaty (groan!) review

ICU Co-op is a new stall on campus that sells Organic and Fairtrade On Tuesday Oct 1, Meat Soc held rose to the challenge. h e food everyone looked as though they were foods on Thursdays. They are normally on the Sherfi eld Building, and its primary trip this academic year portions were generous, the waiters having fun. To not have gone there everything is sold at cost-price, so you can buy good quality, feel good to the Green Door Steakhouse, were attentive (appearing and would have been a missed-steak. It food without breaking the wallet. Most food on the stall will be directly on Gloucester Road. It was great disappearing quietly at intervals), and may not be appropriate for a student comparable to the supermarket brands, so why not give it a go? to meat new members, and to they brought the bill in good time. on a tight budget, but if you are ketchup with some of our older Rather oddly for a food review, looking for a really good meal with Goodies include (but of course arenʼt limited to) vegbags from ones. We felt that we should begin I have nothing negative to say, and good service, we highly recommend it. Sutton Community Farm, snackables like nuts, and coffee/tea. in style, dining on really good food. we had no bones to pick with the For our next trip, a chicken wing h e food and the service at the restaurant. All of those present at eating contest… For more info or to fi nd out whatʼs on offer every week (stock restaurant were excellent; and the our fi rst meeting would recommend Green Door Steakhouse changes from time to time), drop [email protected] a line... price of the vast majority of the the Green Door Steakhouse; all of 152 Gloucester Road main courses was reasonable. h e the meals ordered looked excellent SW7 4TD Carol Ann Cheah steaks were high, but the restaurant (especially the beef ribs); and Mon-Sun ,11am-11.30pm 32 FRIDAY 11 OCT CAREERS Confused about your career choice?

As well as thinking carefully about knowledge, or would you simply like your degree. h ere are plenty of in this area check out information Careers Service what factors are important to you to have it as a context for your job? opportunities to investigate career at http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/ Imperial College and what skills you want to use and But it not just your skills and interests roles, and potential employers careers/ug/grad/hidden for help in develop, it is also essential to consider that are important, motivation throughout the year by attending breaking into these ‘hidden’ roles. what interests you and what it is that and values are just as critical when Fairs, Forums, Lunchtime Careers Considering further study as your It’s the time of year when all around you would like to achieve in your thinking about your career direction. Talks, Recruiter in Residence Days, next step? Yet again it pays to plan you fellow students are busy getting career. You might like to consider how A job that meets your motivational alumni networking sessions and early and to think through what you ready to make applications to graduate much you wish to use your degree criteria is most probably going to be a much more all designed to allow you hope to gain from the course you roles, internships and further study. subject in your chosen career. Jobs fulfi lling job. For some people, a high to research and make contact with choose. Masters, PhD, vocational Does it feel like everyone apart from for graduates can be roughly divided status and signifi cant salary will be potential employers. JobsLive is also qualifi cation, specialise from degree you has their future planned out? Don’t into three categories: those where key factors when they are choosing a a great source of information with or change direction, funding and worry, hopefully this article will give the degree discipline is an essential career. Other people may place great a database of over 7000 employer location all need to be considered. you some pointers about how to make element of the job; those where the importance on having a good balance profi les searchable by industry sector h ere is information on further that all important career decision degree discipline provides useful between their work and home life or in and location. Because it tends to be study at http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/ and start planning for your future. background knowledge but will not a career that will continue to challenge the larger organisations that physically careers/ug/consideringfurtherstudy be used directly and fi nally careers intellectually. You may want to “make come onto campus JobsLive is a great to help you work through your choices. which are open to graduates of any a diff erence” in your job – what does way to begin to research smaller To start with it might seem as It pays to understand discipline. It is worth noting that this phrase mean to you? Is it about companies and start-ups who may well though your research into you is you! about 45% of all graduate roles are having a commercial impact, making off er a perfect way to start your career. generating more questions than open to students from any subject so a scientifi c discovery or helping a Remember not every job is going answers but it pays to take the time A career is most likely to be that really opens up your choice. Your child to learn? h inking through to be clearly advertised. h e ‘hidden’ to build this picture of yourself satisfying if it enables you to use leisure and other interests outside how you feel about work will also job market describes those vacancies and how your future might look. your preferred skills and personal your degree studies may also give you help you in your fi nal career choice. which employers don’t advertise yet Understanding what is important to qualities. You will need to refl ect an indication of the type of career that still want to fi ll. Advertising a job can you will hopefully make you more on your strengths, attributes, skills might attract you. h e clearer you are be costly and might generate more confi dent when it comes to making and experience so far to enable you about what will challenge and satisfy Next step – fi nd out applications than they really want decisions, researching opportunities to build a clearer picture of yourself. you, the easier it will be to select the what is available! making it a time consuming to process in the job market and it will also h ink about all your qualifi cations, career ideas with the most potential. for the employer. Some job sectors are make it much easier to eventually and also the skills you have developed Whatever your interests are – We are very fortunate at Imperial so popular that employers may receive market yourself to employers. through your studies, extra-curricular from your degree, extra-curricular College, with many companies enough speculative applications to fi ll activities and any work experience to activities or elsewhere – consider interested in recruiting Imperial any position without advertising. It To get further help with career build a picture of what you would like whether and how you might wish students. As a result you will get is estimated that the 70% of jobs are decision making go to: to use in your work and also perhaps to use them. Do you want to focus lots of exposure to diff erent industry fi lled though the hidden job market. which skills you would prefer to avoid. your career on this area of interest or sectors and types of companies during To discover how to make the most www.imperial.ac.uk/careers/ug/plan CAREERS FAIR 2013 CFind your new career here MondayF 21 October 2013 11:00 - 16:00 | Queen’s Lawn | Imperial College London | South Kensington

imperialcollegeunion.org/careersfair FRIDAY 11 OCT 33

@feliximperial

FelixImperial RCSU

RCSU Freshers Fortnight: Legit Open letter from RCSU review from the RCSU Office Plabon Saha RCSU President omeone told me today that you shouldn’t write reviews of your own events. I obviously didn’t listen to “RCS What? their advice; after all, who We donʼt know Scan know better what went down at who you are!” Open letter from the Royal College the RCSU events than people within If this resonates the RCSU?! My sincerest apologies strongly with of Science Union to the other constituent unions you, you are who are obviously lagging behind. either a) an engineer, or Dear all, Freshers Fair: b) in need of a h e start of the new term is here and it gives me great friend pleasure to see everyone back on campus. And of h ree words. Wheel of Fortune. You course I must not forget to welcome the freshers who know how Nando’s always has a prize will be joining this brilliant institution and especially wheel at the freshers’ fairs? Well, this the scientists who are lucky enough to be part of the year they weren’t the only one as we best constituent union on campus. Whether you are hired in a massive plasma screen and old or new, everyone loves a good welcome letter. ran our own giant wheel of fortune. Prizes included Autumn Ball tickets, For those that do not know, the RCSU is one of the drink tokens, an 8GB RCSU USB stick, four constituent unions at Imperial and was founded pint glasses, shot glasses, mugs, RCSU by famous Sci-fi writer H.G. Wells in 1881. We exist lapel badges and RCSU Scarves. Given for two reason; social activities and representation. the crowd at our table throughout the Representation wise, we have offi cers that look after day, it’s fair to say the gimmick was student welfare to help you even out any bumps you more than successful, especially when hit during university. h ere are also year reps and the CGCU - who were opposite us - departmental reps who keep the lecturers on their got so mad at their empty stand they toes to ensure you get the world class education you had to keep shouting to attract people. deserve. h e Year rep nominations are currently open To top that miserable day off for them, and I would urge the keener ones amongst to get we also nicked the Spanner and Bolt! everyone’s voice heard and stand for election. We also had tons of RCSU sweets for the masses alongside lanyards, University is of course more than just about a degree notepads and the highlight of them and we organize a range of social events such as our all, RCSU condom cases. h ese seasonal balls, bar nights, pub crawls, guest lectures double up as a key ring and are a RCSU and an essay-writing competition called the RCSU discreet way of making sure you are TOP: Jezebel, the RCSUʼs Mascot; BOTTOM: RCSU Committee Members Science Challenge which boasts a prize pot over £4k. always prepared. We were very happy to eat their own hands in boredom. cream proved to be very successful as to see so many eager faces on the day evident by the long queues that were h is year, I am also looking to revive RCS Sports and are looking forward to seeing RCSU Tea Party: forming. Some would say that the clubs, rugby and football in particular. I am hoping you all again in this coming year. ice cream was so good, it made them that we can re-ignite some of our old rivalries and RCSU Made in Chelsea Pub Crawl: h e second week of Freshers started completely forget about the hardships put the various trophies behind the union bar up We started Freshers’ Fortnight off on off in a truly British manner with the of grinding a degree out of Imperial. for competition again. If this is something you are h ursday the 3rd with our trademark RCSU Tea Party. h ere were various Priced competitively at £12, the ball interested in, please e-mail the RCSU Sports Offi ce Made in Chelsea pub crawl. As always, types of tea on off er which were was organized to ensure it doesn’t Oscar Farrell at [email protected]. our beloved 1916 Dennis N-Type fi re procured from a specialised tea house. cut a deep hole in people’s pockets. engine Jezebel was there to transport With free scones and cakes on off er it Student drink prices were in full End of the day, university is what you make of it. h e freshers from pub to pub. Some would was of no surprise that there was a great fl ow to ensure that even the hard relationship between the union and its member is a say it was quite an expensive pub crawl, anticipation amongst students. In fact, boozers were kept satisfi ed. It was a “RCS Ha!” You two-way one. If you don’t put some energy in, you are but with student loan cash spilling a queue built up before the start of the perfect night for the awkward one say? Then you unlikely to get a lot out of it. So, get to know the union over in everyone’s pockets, there was party and hoards of scientists piled in night stands during freshers to turn must either a) offi cers, come to the RCSU offi ce for my weekly drop- hardly a problem with £4 pints for a as soon as the doors were open. Union into a full blown romance. Near have Theta, ins and check what we are up to on www.rcsu.org. night. h e night ended at JUJU’s, a jacks were fl ying high and the tea the end, Black Eyed Peas showed b) be crying uk. Our website is currently being re-designed by our cocktail bar on King’s Street to end kept fl owing as people relaxed after up and started singing. Maybe. as you cradle webmaster Philip Kent and we hope to get an all new the night on a high. At one point, a day of lectures. Even if they weren’t the empty spot interactive site rolled out in the near future. MIC stars showed up and decided to awake for lectures, the tea ensured “Iʼve had the time of my life Spanner and buy everyone drinks at the ba- wait, their evening got off to a good start. And Iʼve never felt this way before Bolt used to h e best way to keep in touch is to read my e-mails never mind, that might have been And I swear this is true reside, or c) and newsletters as they will be full of important tidbits me on a diff erent night out. Oops. RCSU Autumn Ball: And I owe it all to RCSU”. are probably about what’s happening and the opportunities we several provide for you. I swear they won’t be as boring as they RCSU Bookshop: Perhaps the most prized event of Family Bar Night: “responsible” sound! them all was the RCSU Autumn pints down and On Friday morning with hangovers Ball which took place on Tuesday In RCSU, it’s all about community and raring to go! Here’s to an amazing year, in full force, we set up the RCSU at Ruby Blue in Leicester Square. to ensure the sense of community is second hand bookshop in Sherfi eld h ere were 3 free double mixers on fully integrated amongst the incoming Foyer. h e bookshop was an excellent off er alongside a scoop of nitrogen freshers, a family bar night was held at opportunity for students to buy ice cream. h e Ball managed to sell the Union Bar on h ursday the 10th. second hand books from other out a day in advance and there was With free drinks on off er for people in students at a reasonable price. After great anguish amongst the people their families, some hardcore family Plabon Saha a big rush in the morning the rest of who missed out on the tickets. But bonding was defi nitely on the cards. RCSU President the day was spent quietly behind the for the people who managed to grab stand by various committee members. hold of one before time ran out, they It is defi nitely a great start to the year Rumour has it that someone started were in for a treat. h e nitrogen ice for us and it’s bound to get better. 34 FRIDAY 11 OCT CLUBS & SOCS

Why Volunteer? Skateboarding & BMX Bart Andrews provides an SB & BMX update Ben Fernando Charity Editor RAG Treasurer s some of you may already “ know, Imperial has sadly lost its ‘Skateboarding and £170k concrete BMX’ society this year. ome people think that charity should However, this does not skatepark in King be done as a completely selfl ess pursuit. meanA that Imperial has lost its skaters Perhaps it should be! But the reality is and BMXers! h is is a quick update as Georgeʼs Park that we’re all busy and want to enjoy to what is happening with the Imperial our free time at Imperial, so why skateboard and BMX scene this year. “ Sbother to do not-for-profi t work? Here are a few Imperial SB is currently an unoffi cial reasons. Some of them are obvious, some are not… group of riders that session a variety of diff erent skate parks across London. 1) You can make a contribution to people In contrast to the Skate society, which BART ANDREWS who need our help –whether it’s refugees or drug mainly focuses on ice skating and roller addicts or people in extreme poverty; the charitable skating in and around public parks, groups at Imperial off er you an opportunity to “Are you a Imperial SB is for those who want to make a diff erence. And what’s more, you’ll always be part of a club session skate parks for ‘tricks-based’ given the opportunity to see what the diff erence that or society? activities, such as skateboarding, BMXing you’ve made is, whether that means going to Kenya Or do you go or rollerblading. If you enjoy riding, to see the Orphan Project work, or going out to see clubbing? Are use to ride or are looking to start, then Richard House’s amazing work with terminally ill kids. you sociable? don’t hesitate to contact us on Facebook Do you like (facebook.com/ImperialSb), Tumblr 2) You will meet some pretty cool people. Some projects? Yes, (imperialsb.tumblr.com) or Gmail people see it as a networking opportunity, others just Yes, Yes? Then ([email protected]). We are like the socialising. I fi nd that talking to other people at write in with looking for new riders, photographers, RAG helps me stay sane! If it gets you out from behind something fi lmers, artists and anyone that’s your desk and your laptop at Imperial, then it is good. interesting interested in the local skatepark scene. about your London already has a large and diverse 3) You never know, you might end up fi nding out club, like a two range of skateparks with many more that you want to go into not-for-profi t work. I started page report opening every year. h e biggest and my fi rst year wanting go into Physics but now I think on a Chess arguably the most famous skate park in something along the lines of science for development Tour! Who London is BaySixty6; now sponsored could be interesting. ‘Social Entrepreneurship’ is one knoew these by Nike SB. h is park has recently had of the new big things in the world, and there’s a huge guys weere so a complete overhaul and reopened in amount of funding for people interested in such ventures. good?” August this year. h e new and improved Charity work can be a great introduction to the fi eld skate facility is fully resurfaced and and can help you fi nd a product that needs developing. redesigned, complete with new gaps, hydraulic ledges and a bowl. h e park is 4) You can travel loads. RAG organises charity still open daily, with a full day pass costing trips to Kilimanjaro; I’ve just got back from an attempt around £10 and there are, of course, at climbing up Everest. h at… didn’t go so well… but concessions for beginners and for shorter it was still a great experience! Friends of mine have sessions. BMX riders unfortunately been off to Kenya, South Africa and there was even still have restricted access. Check the ED BRIAL a team that went to El Salvador to volunteer this park’s Facebook page for further details summer. If you want to see the world and make a real (http://www.facebook.com/BaySixty6). diff erence too, then sign up for one of these trips now. New to the scene this month is the council-funded £170k concrete skatepark 5) Volunteering recognition – not-for- in King George’s Park (on the Southfi elds/ profi t work is something that people are sometimes Wandsworth border). We had the uncomfortable being rewarded for, but you can work opportunity to quickly session this park towards an Imperial Plus volunteering certifi cate or a before the start of term and the verdict National Volunteering Qualifi cation. Whilst these are is unanimously positive. Next to the just bits of paper, they recognise the development of site of the previous skatepark and youth important skills like communication and delegation that centre, Wandsworth Council has decided are key to not just charity work but also jobs in general. to invest money in constructing a new concrete skate plaza and BMX track. 6) It will make you more employable! I h is park has pretty much anything you hate to use the ‘CV’ word but you don’t want to be could ever want, including: fl at banks, one of those people that end up sitting behind a quarter pipes, rails, ledges, gaps and desk at their fi rst job and can’t communicate with really smooth transition. To top this all their offi ce mate to save their life. Volunteering off , the council has left the old skatepark will expose you to all kinds of situations that are in place, which further adds to the unfamiliar and will force you to develop your own variety on off er. To ensure that the park skills. I don’t think I would be nearly as confi dent has a successful induction into the local writing for Felix if I hadn’t done any charity stuff ! community, two members of staff are on site permanently until the end of this year. h is park is free to ride and already has a Feel free to email me if you have any questions! great community of skaters and BMXers. Ben If you would like to be kept updated on openings like this and what’s happening [email protected] in the local skate and BMX scene then contact us or follow us on Facebook or Tumblr. We hope to ride with you all soon! ED BRIAL FRIDAY 11 OCT 35

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FelixImperial CLUBS & SOCS Imperial College Design Collective Guillaume Valla on ICʼs hidden group of designers

s I walk below the prototype the idea. And in the wide Hill, members were immersed into Queen’s Tower, before range of design, there is always a place a universe of brilliance in creating an evening in Central for the ideas of pragmatic and educated processes, objects, projects that Library, I look up at the scientists, medics, and engineers. enhance the human experience. surrounding buildings You’ll ask me: “Why did they call it h is year, the committee has (youA guessed it… I’m a civil engineering the Design Collective?” h at’s quite prepared new themes for the undergrad!) and the environmental simple actually. h ese entrepreneurial collective to build upon. Some conscience inside me is thinking: students decided that although this members may come to an interesting “What are all these rooms doing lit-up? design society was born out of the talk by a guest, others will favour the We should be turning the lights out as Mechanical Engineering building, they Wednesday afternoon workshops, soon as students leave their lectures knew they wanted to involve as many and some will be privileged with and tutorials...” Little did I know students as possible from all possible a visit to a London design offi ce. that within these rooms, there are degrees and backgrounds. h ey I fi rst came to Andrew Waugh’s students. Some of them are studying, wanted a collective of students that presentation of his battle to build the but others are doing something could bring a variety of background fi rst multi-storey residential timber even better! h ey’ve just decided knowledge and skills in order to inspire building in London, and I recognized to create a new society at Imperial! each other in the design process! my need for alternate activities to my During the Summer Term of 2012, h e Imperial College Design degree and sports. I loved attending several Mechanical Engineering Collective (ICDC) had an amazing the evening talks and being inspired by students decided to start the Imperial fi rst year following its genesis. Coming the passion of entrepreneurs who used College Design Collective. Design was from all over Imperial College of their educational and professional something that was touched upon in Science, Medicine and Technology, background to create something that some of their classes, and actually in and even the Imperial Business they thought could benefi t society. most engineering degrees. However, School, 56 members were inspired And that’s really why I encourage students often have to give it a second by the themes of Enhancing Cycling everyone to join this energy-fuelled priority compared to the wave of in London, Sustainability, Toys, and society that will add a spice of creativity workload of Mathematics, Mechanics, Interactive City. Even more attended and a dash of entrepreneurship Dynamics… well a lot of ‘ics’ the talks by architect Andrew Waugh, to your Imperial experience. essentially. h ey saw beyond this wave brand designer Simon Manchipp, and realised that their engineering engineering designer Peter Childs, skills were valued in the design world. and urban designer Kathryn Firth. Join the mailing list or email Product design needs people with With two offi ce visits to IDEO in [email protected] hard knowledge to manufacture and Clerkenwell and Pentagram in Notting for more information. STOIC: Imperial’s student run tv station

documentaries, short fi lms and even Jonathan Pratt some Eastern European political STOIC satire. h is year is looking even more Station Manager exciting than the last, with a few exciting press opportunities coming up this term alone. h e most popular TOIC, you’re show we currently produce is the the philosophy infamous Metric Moments videos, society right?” which I’m sure many of you have seen Is a question I or even starred in. If not then head over receive many to our YouTube to fi nd out what some “Stimes throughout the course of the of the brightest minds in the country year. h e latest being at Freshers’ think of the important issues in the Fair while standing in front of a world, ranging from Barack Obama’s large AutoCue, professional video re-election to “brown nipples”, ST IC camera and a TV playing a showreel “cross-fucking”, and “American ‘gine”. of our best bits. While I do have a In the Spring term large amounts of particular love of 3rd century BCE our time is devoted to our two biggest philosophy that isn’t what the club is events of the year; h e Big Elections about. STOIC in fact is an acronym of and the JPR Williams Cup match Student Television of Imperial College, at Varsity. For h e Big Elections we and that’s exactly who we are. From produce a live hustings show, where our studios in the West Basement of all the candidates for the sabbatical fi lmed this with a large scale 4 camera presenting, acting, editing, writing while trying to set up an interview. Beit Quad we write, fi lm, present and positions get a chance to convince shoot for the fi rst time. h is then got or just want to see what goes in in a So if you think STOIC is something produce a wide variety of television you why to vote for them. Hearing released as both a highlights package student TV station you’re more than you might be interested in visit shows that get broadcast online. 20 people talk about “transparency”, and a full match reel complete with welcome to join. As well as being our website at www.stoictv.com or Our longest running show is IC “accessibility” and “contactless excellent commentary from IC Radio. helped to improve in any fi eld you’re www.youtube.com/stoictv and you News, which has existed in various payment” never gets old. h e JPR Getting involved with STOIC is interested in you’ll also be able to can get involved with (probably) forms for as long as the society has, Williams Cup is contested with a really easy; absolutely no experience get involved with some incredible the only society at Imperial to have but that’s far from all we produce. rugby match between Imperial and is required to jump right in. opportunities; last year we had a phone interviewed Mark Hamill, Carol Last year alone we had interviews, Imperial Medicals, and last year we Whether you’re interested in fi lming, conversation with Sir Roger Moore Vorderman, and Chuck Norris. 36 FRIDAY 11 OCTOBER Puzzles Commanders: Kingshuk Dasadhikari, PUZZLES Oliver Price [email protected]

FUCWIT Sudoku Crossword League Rules: Weʼve fi nally started getting Each row, column, and 3 x 3 box must contain all the numbers from in gear after a long, lovely 1 to 9. summer. The Fucwit League, Fall, 2013 is on. Thatʼs all. Enjoy... Send your completed solu- Easier: tions to: [email protected] to get points and the chance to see your name in print as a FUCWIT League leader.

Puzzles will become more diverse and challenging over the term, so start getting those points!!!

Crossword Clues Across:

1. City at Mouth of Wear (10) 7. A b o d e (9) 9. Book – New (5) 11. Lactose based produce (5) 13. Valuable revision aid (4,5) 17. Repay Inconvenience (10) Nonogram Down:

1. Static (7,3) Harder: 2. 40ʼs/50ʼs film (sub?)genre (4) 3. Immeasurably long time (4) 4. Highly praised (6) 5. Asian flatbread (4) 6. All locations (10) 8. Extract with difficulty (3) 10. Vital student electronics (6) 12. Historical Period (3) 14. (Agricultural) Mass storage (4) 15. Scheme (4) 16. Mother of Zeus (4)

Nonogram Rules The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and each column are given. Squares can only be shaded or unshaded. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty welcome back picture.

Have a puzzle to share?

Email it to us and weʼll put it in the next issue!

Want this weeks solutions? Bonus puzzles?

Email us if you canʼt stand the thought of waiting. Want to write for ? YES NO

How about How about copy writing News? editing etc?

NAH, YES SOUNDS NO WHAT IS THAT? SHIT

WOOP!Email: YES How about writing Fair enough. Keep It’s basically where [email protected] Hangman? on reading then you proof read to check for peoplse mistaeks NO HMMM. I KNOW SOUNDS FUN WHICH ONE NO Okay. What section?

WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Great! Email: Well. There’s: Features, [email protected] Business, Science,Politics, Food, , , , ONE OF THEM Comment Fashion Arts, Books Music, Television, Film, Games, NO Technology, Coffee Break, Hangman (again), Travel, Sports, Puzzles

NONE OF THEM...

FINE. I WILL NO Make a new one?

COME ON. WE’RE DYING OVER HERE. HELP US OUT!

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@feliximperial 38 FRIDAYFRIDAY 11 OCT

HANGMAN [email protected]

This Week In The Past Editorial Life on Mars: IC in 1978 Felix Issue 479 - I kid you not! The Hangman Coup Hangman Editor

2006 – North Korea’s fi rst nuclear bomb test is met with extremely fi rm line from the UN. h e The Hangman non-proliferation treaty is thoroughly upheld Hangman Editor proving, once again, that international treaties are ALWAYS highly eff ective and never bullshit. Felix Offi ce, Wednesday 9th of October. 1989 – Another UFO lands in Soviet Union giving In a coup widely described as unequivocal evidence of what we all suspected: “violent, angry and uncompromising”, the Ruskies are all aliens from outer space hell- Hangman was this week viciously bent on spreading pan-global, anti-human ideas. overthrown and replaced with “Think you can Hangman. calculate a Hangman, along with a large group 1979 – Lowest recorded non-tornadic atmospheric more accurate of assorted mercenaries, was able pressure. A fact you’ll defi nitely want to repeat all horoscope? to break through the high security the time to everyone – with your friends; people Email perimeter set-up around the Felix you’re chatting up; bank managers; in-laws; the Pope hangman. offi ces. After which, Hangman then etc etc. Seriously, everyone will fi nd this fascinating. felix@imperial. proceeded to question all remaining ac.uk and give sub-editors on the whereabouts of it a go!” Hangman. 1942 – In a coup for world peace/ Whilst many were stoic in their alcoholics the Soviet Vodka Union establishes responses to hard-line questioning, diplomatic relationships with Australfostersia. enough information was gleaned to confi rm that Hangman had received an anonymous tip-off just minutes 1582 – h e implementation of the Gregorian before the arrival of Hangman. It is calendar means this week is skipped. I bet you rumoured the former sub-editor and Stay tuned for more ridiculous crap from the past including wish you could skip the miserable, embarrassing their entourage were able to get out fl oppy disks, Simon Cowellʼs haircut and that thing you loneliness that is your week. We’ll here’s the truth through a back window and are now – you can’t, you terrible excuse for a human being. in hiding somewhere on campus. used to play with as a child. Hangman declared “peace, liberty and freedom of expression” for all 1492 – Christopher Columbus lands in the writers and readers of Hangman. Bahamas. h e fucking moron thinks he’s in Hangman also assured their followers fucking India. He even failed to realise that if he that [former sub-editor] Hangman was in India (which he clearly fucking wasn’t), would be “hunted relentlessly” and he would be fucking East India. What a fucker. be dealt with “ruthlessly” should their location become known. However, information has emerged that any opposition to Hangman’s coup has been met with brutal violence. h is has inevitably sparked concerns that The Hangman tanks roll into Beit Quad, crushing all who would oppose them. coup would merely be replacing one dictatorial rule with another. When those who deserved it”. “h e former West” and full of “relentless capitalist sought for interview, a Hangman regime must be punished”. propaganda”. Hangman went onto spokesperson stated “rest assured, all Hangman justifi ed the bloody accuse Hangman of corrupting the force used during this liberation has and vicious coup by stating that paper and suppressing its articles. been directed exclusively towards Hangman had been a “stooge for the

“Britain Exceptionally Dangerous And Scary“ Public Warned

“Be they Islamic, Irish or even their day-to-day lives, the director The Hangman something a bit weird like Chechnian, was keen to emphassis that it’s Hangman Editor they’re all out to get you”. “fucking scary out there”. Whilst the Director General “I mean, you could just get run-over, Theyʼre over 8000 miles apart. I mean who makes focussed on terrorism, he also warned just like that”. that mistake? Frankly, Iʼm glad they didnʼt name the tating this morning that of the numerous other dangers faced At press time Parker was rumoured Americas after him. Amerigo Vespucci, now thereʼs an “every aspect of your by the British public on a daily basis. to have sprinted to the nuclear bunker explorer worthy of a large continent. Picture Credit: freeworld- maps.net life is dark, dangerous “h ere’s cancer, thats never very far under GCHQ, irreversibly locked the and you should be away and it’s scary as balls”. doors from the inside and sat their constantly shitting “And then there’s benefi t cheats - waiting for the food to run out and for Syourself” MI5 chief, Andrew Parker, those guys will go for you without any it all to end. warned of the general terror of life. warning” Meanwhile, this reporter has Didnʼt he see the fucking Speaking for the fi rst time since “And, of course, who can forget the protected themselves from the fear fl ag? he took over in April, Parker added Russians? h ey’re never more than an throught the acquisition of a gun. Picture Credit: dilemma-x.net that “Terrorists are watching you - umbrella-tip away. Despite saying that especially YOU - all the time”. such fears shouldn’t stop people living No World, you put your hands up. FRIDAY 11 OCT 39

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FelixImperial HANGMAN

ABANDONED PRINT-OUT STILL Imperial Union Bans the turnip HOLDING ONTO HOPE OF LSE Student Union LSE offensive Union fi nds Hangman’s Finest College News Source AUTHOR COMING TO COLLECT IT Cameron Decides Against Major Cabinet Reorganisation The “London” “School” of “Itʼs already exceptionally tidy” “Economics” Picture credit: The Telegraph tating that it was already The Prime ollowing the recent incident “exceptionally tidy”, Prime Minister makes at LSE Union Fresher’s Fair, Minister David Cameron a particularly at which the Atheist Society tough decision on took the decision not to was asked to remove their whether to move change anything in his the Osbournes T-shirts, Imperial College Picture Credit: Sarah Kolb-Williams Scabinet. Saying that his beautiful Picture Credit: The Press FUnion has formally banned anybody set of George Osbournes still Association wearing an LSE Union T-shirt. complimented the old family William A spokesperson for Imperial College Hagues perfectly, Cameron left the Alistair Carmichael. “Nothing Union Tells NUS “We’ve Moved On, Stop Union said that the t-shirts could senior government ministers safely screams ‘Scotland’ more than a classic off end others by creating an off ensive under lock and key. “I mean, who Carmichael”. He added “To be honest, Calling” environment to those students who would risk moving the precious I’ll just wait until next year and get it believe in the right to free expression. Philip Hammond?” said Cameron, professionally cleaned on expenses. After a surprise Our source said, “Especially given how good it looks h at’s defi nitely safer”. encounter in the “We had received a number of next to my matching Michael Goves”. street, the National complaints from our students. h e Leader of the Opposition, Ed Mil- Union of Students Apparently not... (Sooo two thou- LSE Union students were asked to Whilst he accepted the need to clean liband was more ruthless, however. told Imperial College sand and late) cover the t-shirts in the interests of from time-to-time, the Prime Minister In getting rid of his Diane Abbott Union:A “You’re looking well” h e NUS then asked if ICU was will- good university relations, but they was unwilling to take everything out and throwing out his rusty old Liam ing to come back, but ICU pretended declined. just to get to the musty corners. “I Bradys, he managed to buy in a shiny ICU, after pausing to remember their to receive a phone call from its mum Imperial College Union is committed don’t want to break anything and new Rachael Reeves and stunning name, replied: “h anks, so are you” and crossed the road to safety. to promoting freedom of expression anyway, several of Ian Duncan Smiths pair of Andy Burnhams. “Sometimes, it was felt that these LSE students are stuck there”. He did, however, you’ve just got to through the old stuff “I’ve actually got a lot societies now, “Pheeww” the Union exclamed were undermining what should be get rid of his old Michael Moore and out, even if it does hold a lot of senti- but you know, I’m not ready to settle whilst double-checking the NUS had a welcoming and inclusive student replaced him with a vintage piece of mental value”. down” gone before puting the phone away. union.” CANCER GEMINI TAURUS VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week, you decide to go This week you visit the Library, This week you are idly watching This week marks the second This week you are awarded the This week you are at the Union to your fi rst ever sports (CSP) and accidently stroll in the those 30 second Sabb videos in week into your love affair with Nobel Prize in the new category pub quiz, and some undergrad night. Go you, young fresher, Science Museum bit on fl oor the Union, when one suddenly your rice cooker, Wilson. After of being a complete dick. As tries to tell you that the largest making friends with other peo- three. Unsure of whether you locks eyes with you, and begins realising that dry humping him the Wanker Laureate that you human organ is the liver, not the ple who like the same physical are still in Imperial or not, you to mouth “help me!” You prise the would compromise his ability to now are, you decide to raise the skin as you well know by having activity as you- this is going to slowly take out your “magic frame from the wall and fi nd that pass the rigorous electrical safe- price of fi zzy drinks by 3p on completed a legit degree in this form the best foundation for ev- wand” and gently rub it along they are actually trapped behind ly tests for appliances in halls, campus, and then use your new sort of shit. You mouth off at him, erlasting friendship! One forc- the bookshelf, moaning. After the glass, made to forever act out you stop. The urge doesn’t go fortune of penny coins to jam feel triumphant and then sud- es a pint of Jager down your no-one blinks an eye, you de- 30 seconds of repeated, horrifi c away however, so you transfer all the keyboards in the library. denly depressed as you realise throat whilst another cheers, cide you are defi nitely still at awkwardness. They cry softly into Fisher instead and hump to Chaos ensues. you are a postgrad in FiveSix-

and you puke repeatedly and Imperial. upon their release. your heart’s content. CAPRICORN Eight on a Tuesday night. responsibly through Thursday. AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week the ecologists bug- This week you go to the RCSU ball This week, you fi nally move into This week you wake up to This week your housemate has This week you wake up to fi nd ger off to Uganda for a fi eld and are given liquid nitrogen ice your tiny, decrepit London fl at, fi nd you are Miley Cyrus. This sex with a screeching female you are a humanities student, course, so Facebook becomes cream. In your alcohol induced with two Polish students you horoscope ends here as that is student, who thinks it is appro- and cannot look at yourself in the devoid of certain egotistical haze, you accidently drop the found online. They buy a live eel horrifi c enough for one week. priate to shout Pokémon names mirror as you prepare for your two morons mouthing off about the cone on your thermometer and it to fatten up in your bath in time every time she orgasms. You contact hours of the month. You apparent ever-traumatic faults slowly freezes into an icicle of per- for Christmas and you shower start using it as a verbal version discuss your feelings, deduce of the Biology department. You petual hardness. You get the RCS with the gelatinous monster of the new Pokemon game, and meaningless facts from nothing welcome the change whole- President to rub it warm again, circling your feet. You decide it endeavour to catch them all. She and read the Daily Mail. You pass heartedly, and privately hope and he obliges, being the great could be worse- you could be in catches herpes instead and no your course with fl ying colours that someone gets trampled by Union hack that he is. Fisher Hall. longer visits, and sadly you don’t and wonder why you tried to an elephant. get your second gym badge. study science in the fi rst place. “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” If only you knew how easy (well, 11/10/13 Issue 1555 relatively) it is to edit Sport... felixonline.co.uk

Triathlon Club make a splash at Aquathlon James Ellis documents TriClubʼs trials on land, buses, and water in an epic battle against their competitors

morning (shout out to Harriet, a Tri Kaye who was timetabled to enter the crew. Marcel even managed to grab a member competing) diversions were water 135/200 of the competitors. At free massage at the fi nish too, which beginning to take operation and time this point the starting order system appeared to go down a treat, before was beginning to get short. Having should be explained; during the we all did the mandatory club photo. pulled a sprint out the bag that Bolt online registration process you had to Whilst staring into the sun caused a would have been proud of, Sophie give your estimated time for a 400m few eyes to be forced open, the smiles just missed catching us in the walk swim and everyone was then ranking were not, due to the satisfaction of between stops and was now in danger accordingly. Not knowing his 400m completion and the legendry Tri club of missing the event. At this point she time, Mike – a PhD student – scaled atmosphere. hailed down a cab and uttered the line down a time from his 750m swim at Still not complete with our day, we in true fi lm fashion – ‘follow that bus!’ the BUCS sprint triathlon. Slightly headed off to the pub where the prize To cut to the chase; one cab driver surprised at his position on arrive giving was to take place – and no doing a good Lewis Hamilton Mike rechecked his estimate and we did not have a tipple, we’re elite impersonation, a quick-fi re bit of realised the 10mins should actually athletes – with Sophie in particular in transition practise between cab and have been more like 6mins 20 which the running for medals. Alas it didn’t bus at one of the stops and a round of would have him right at the front of the turn out to be the case, although some applause later and the team was fi nally race. h ank goodness Imperial isn’t a hiccups had already surfaced with the complete. Drama over, for now at university which relies on numerical results, which as of writing have not least, we progressed to the venue and competency… It should be pointed been released outside the current top completed the registration process. out Mike did give a masterclass when three. So I think this should really go h e swim went off in a staggered start, he eventually entered the water! down as a TBC. Everyone is eagerly with the fi rst of the 200 competitors Moving onto the run section and awaiting the results so we can analyse taking to water just after 8 AM with diff erent strengths of the athletes our times in each section (we’re swimmers entering at 20 second began to show through, with some Imperial students after all, what else intervals. Done on a ‘fastest-fi rst’ much better runners than swimmers. would we do with a load of data?), but ICU TRIATHLON CLUB basis, Sophie was the premier member h is, combined with the fi ve lap either way I can safely say on behalf of TriIC attacking the 400m outdoor nature of the course, meant everyone of everyone it was a fun event to be h e fi rst event of the tri club racing eyed and bushy tailed (okay that was pool swim. She was swiftly followed gets well and truly mixed up making part of. As a Tri club fi rst-timer I was calendar brought nine athletes to a slight lie) to catch the fi rst of our by Charlie Houston before the trio it hard to know your true position in more than welcomed into the team London Fields, competing in the swim- two buses to get to the venue. Now of Vicki Solly, Marcel Admiraal and the race. h us it was simply a matter (ignoring the blatant segregation on run combo known as an aquathlon. normally bus journeys don’t make it Fran Capel all in one after another. of grinding it out and making the the bus) and we are very grateful to h is early season competition was into match reports, but ours makes With the cluster demonstrating some most of a crisp Sunday morning. London Fields Tri Club for organising an opportunity to blow away some a brief appearance for two reasons; smooth technique, a bit of intra-club Everyone showed remarkable grit what was a very successful event. of the summer cobwebs for returning fi rstly in memory of the much missed rivalry helped to spur them on to and determination, with the likes of Appetite suitably whetted for the members, whilst for a couple of others Jean Claude, the ‘porridge-in-a- excellent performances. Dropping Charlie seeming to get round looking year, I for one can’t wait to kick on it was an opportunity to get a fi rst pot’ made several appearances and down the order a bit to our slightly relatively (or you could say annoyingly) with training and throw myself into taste of the multi-discipline action. secondly for the adventures of Sophie less gifted swimmers - I can write this untroubled. I’d like to say I joined him more races over the coming term – as Myself in the latter category, I was Kirk. Normally the most organised of as I’m very much a fi sh out of water in this, however I took a liking to the such, anyone who has ever thought so full of enthusiasm when signing people, we found it slightly surprising in the pool (that sounded better in pool water and managed to swallow about triathlon, come and try some up, that little things like start times when she missed our arranged my head) – Ed Hallett, American quite a lot of it, which then made the of the sessions out! h e club is a very didn’t really seem important enough meeting time and thus the 211. Fear newbie Alejandro Baez and myself run rather challenging! Ultimately we welcoming one, Ed as chairman is to check. Surely it can’t be too early, not, she will get the next bus and were underway. By this point Sophie all crossed the line in various states of doing a wonderful job developing it they do realise we were students right? catch the subsequent one to London was coming to the completion of disrepair, managed to grab a handful and ultimately it’s a great laugh with a Wrong. Alarms set for between 4.30 Fields? Wrong again. Due to the Royal her 5 x 1km loops, all of which was of complementary cake and stumble great bunch of people. Email triath@ and 5 o’clock, we made our way bright Parks half marathon taking place that able to be caught on camera by Mike over to join the rest of the TriIC imperial.ac.uk to fi nd out more!

Saturday’s training included teaching paces?) and some very obscure baking raised over £400 for charity, Summer camp success on how to do a perfect ninja trivia. h e winning team received and we attracted more new members forward role (mae ukemi) amongst a bottle of Sake for their eff orts. than ever before. Eight new kenshi other techniques. h ere was some Sunday’s training involved punching gained their yellow belts and three for ICU Shorinji Kempo bloodshed as one instructor suff ered a practise using pads for full-force of our instructors, including Imperial broken nose that was quickly tweaked blows, randoori practise and kata alumnus Aled, gained their 2nd dan back into place by Sensei Mizuno practise. h at afternoon, kenshi were in Shorinji Kempo. Former captain Emma King reports back from the (8th dan), the BSKF’s chief instructor. treated to some demonstrations Maks gained his black belt (1st dan) Sensei Mizuno’s later philosophy including three-against-one fi ghting alongside fellow ‘fl ying moustache’ British Shorinji Kempo Fedoration camp session talked about the healing and a skilled pairform demonstration and treasurer Aditya. You may powers of seiho (kempo’s healing (embu) using bo staff (shakujo). remember this dynamic duo from A lot of hard work, multiple bruises, a enjoyed some quality Kempo massage techniques) and kenshi were Kenshi departed on Sunday evening the BSKF national demonstration devilish pub quiz and one broken nose... instruction in sparring (randoori), soft invited to perform some leg seiho. feeling tired and bruised, but having (Tai Kai) last November, where their Imperial’s Shorinji Kempo club techniques (juho), hard techniques Only on one leg, though, as a test to learnt some great Kempo. Imperial pairform demonstration (embu) won organised this year’s highly- (goho), healing massage (seiho), set see by comparing leg aches and pains kenshi left safe in the knowledge fi rst place. Imperial Shorinji Kempo successful BSKF (British Shorinji moves (kata) and philosophy (howa) if seiho really works! Reports diff er... of a job well done. Done so well, in is also now (based on the number of Kempo Federation) summer camp in As well as kenshi from Britain Saturday night was (of course) fact, that Imperial dojo has been paid-up BSKF members) the biggest Chiswick. h e two-day event in early and Ireland, we were joined by a spent in the pub. Sensei Sean from asked to organise next year’s BSKF BSKF dojo. All in all a fantastic year, September was attended by more contingent of Czechs from Prague Imperial had devised a fi endish 40th anniversary celebrations, too! let’s hope for more of the same. than seventy Kempo practitioners dojo, which was set up by Imperial martial arts pub quiz, including a h e success of the summer camp for Shorinji Kempo trains on Saturdays (kenshi) and some top Kempo Senseis alumnus Tomas Bystron who gained picture round (Can YOU recognise us at Imperial completes a great year 1-3pm in the Union Gym and from Britain and Japan. Participants his black belt (1st dan) at Imperial a picture of Chow Yun Fat at fi fty for ICU Shorinji Kempo. h e club’s h ursdays 6-8pm in Activity Space 1