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Issue 01 2017

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Issue 01 2017 The Bard is Back Making the News Punk Movie Magic Craccum resolves to stay relevant; recommends you Robbie Nicol chats to [1]Craccum about being the Anoushka Maharaj loves Dev Patel; is the voice of go see a play written in 1599 Kiwi John Oliver her generation Savage HIP HOP DAY SHADOWS BAR MONDAY Mai Fm DJ Battle (NIGHT) 6 MARCH ALBERT PARK (DAY) AUSA ORIENTATION STEIN TUESDAY 7 MARCH Cops Vs Robbers OrientationALBERT Talent PARK Quest (DAY) SHADOWS BAR (NIGHT) AUSA AND THE UNVIERSITY OF AUCKLAND PRESENT PARTY IN THE PARK After Party FEATURING MARSHMELLO WITH GEORGE FM’S WEDNESDAY8 MARCH BEN WALKER WITH SACHI, KINGS & SUMMERALBERT THEIVESPARK SHADOWS BAR (10PM) Chill out in the Park THURSDAY WITH ELLERY DAINES TRIO, BEWYLDABEAST, 9 MARCH SMALL TRINKETS, HARRY PARSONS. ALBERT PARK AUSA PRESENTS 95bFM Bands in the ParkO-Week FRIDAY WITH Phoenix Foundation Final Nite 10 MARCH AND DICTAPHONE BLUES, DUAL, Party TE HUHU, SCARED OF GIRLS. WITH Drax Project ALBERT PARK (DAY) SHADOWS BAR (NIGHT) [2] ISSUE ONE HIP HOP DAY Savage CONTENTS MONDAY SHADOWS BAR 6 MARCH Mai Fm DJ Battle (NIGHT) ALBERT PARK (DAY) AUSA ORIENTATION STEIN 6 12 NEWS COMMUNITY Cops Vs Robbers Orientation Talent Quest TUESDAY SHADOWS BAR (NIGHT) ALBERT PARK (DAY) 7 MARCH SAFE ZONE ANDREW LITTLE Keep safe on your nights out On Willie Jackson, immigration, and Te Tiriti AUSA AND THE UNVIERSITY OF AUCKLAND PRESENT WEDNESDAY PARTY IN THE PARK 8 MARCH FEATURING MARSHMELLO After Party WITH GEORGE FM’S WITH SACHI, KINGS & SUMMER THEIVES 14 18 ALBERT PARK BEN WALKER LIFESTYLE FEATURES SHADOWS BAR (10PM) CAFFEINE FIX MELANIA TRUMP Stay awake with our top 5 coffee Gets educated on the travel ban. Chill out in the Park hotspots WITH ELLERY DAINES TRIO, BEWYLDABEAST, THURSDAY SMALL TRINKETS, HARRY PARSONS. 9 MARCH ALBERT PARK AUSA PRESENTS 95bFM Bands in the Park 25 29 FRIDAY WITH O-Week COLUMNS ARTS 10 MARCH Phoenix Foundation AND DICTAPHONE BLUES, DUAL, Final Nite SPORTING PREDICTIONS SONGS TO KEEP US SANE Mark Fullerton full-ishly backs Avoid an existential crisis if TE HUHU, SCARED OF GIRLS. Party the Blues possible ALBERT PARK (DAY) WITH Drax Project SHADOWS BAR (NIGHT) [4] EDITORIAL Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti La La Land: The University Edition It’s a mad world we’re living in. We’re telling you, flat toilet paper or defacing our editorial images ing fees; lecturer disengagement; a University Tears for Fears were on to something. There’s no with crudely drawn dicks (but are you really still Council that seems to veto every opposing voice; point tiptoeing around the fact that something 15 years-old?), we will feel truly #blessed that at the underfunding of the Creative Arts & Hu- or someone will always attempt to shatter our least you picked us up and gave us a go. manities. What’s more, much like the Oscars’ Big idealistic hopes and dreams. While it may seem Whether you love or hate the movie, life at Picture disaster this year, when you think you’re that these somethings or someones are far away the University of Auckland is a bit like La La doing well with your grades, you’re more than in distant lands, it’s becoming all too clear that Land—it showcases opportunities and potential likely going to be trumped by someone that’s they are at our very door. Yes, it’s a mad world, galore, but there are flaws in its construction, better and arguably more deserving. Suddenly, and yes, there are those amongst us that struggle though this shouldn’t prevent it from making you’re a small fish in a big pond. and fear for the future. But we want to let you you feel all sorts of emotion. It’s a cliché, but But just like the two of us at the end of La La know that we are here. We are here, every week, these few years will be some of the best in your Land (or Lion, or Moonlight, or any movie with a to keep you company. life. You’re here to work your way towards some- dog, really), you will come out of your time here Craccum must be doing alright. Christ, we’ve thing greater—a career, a lifestyle, a dream. (Or unbelievably happy, though potentially a bit been spluttering our way through the shitstorm you’re here because you don’t know what the heartbroken and weepy. To complete university that is university since 1927. We started off as fuck else to do with yourself.) University has is no small feat, and you should be proud of this a newspaper written by men, an historical fact been presented to you in several ways as a trans- when you sit back down in your seat at gradua- cleverly disguised in the filth that is our scram- formative experience, and it is, but perhaps not tion, clutching a bland piece of parchment that bled acronym “CRACCUM” (pointed out aptly in the way that you’d expect. cost you an eye-watering amount of debt. As by last year’s editors as a “charming combination Our university life is nothing like that in you wipe away the tears that have collected un- of ‘crack’ and ‘cum’”). Nothing screams gender America, nor is it necessarily like the rowdy stu- der your chin, and resist the urge to fling your exclusion more than the now defunct (praise be) dent culture you expect in Otago. The dreams trencher into the air, you will realise that what Auckland University College Men’s Common you had about sustaining years of partying and lies beyond is far greater than you could have Room Committee. cheap drinks, or having a ripper of a sexy time, imagined; that for all the struggles that may Lo and behold! You now have us—an all-fe- or becoming politically engaged may never have cropped up during your time here, you have male chief-editor duo, backed by a mighty team eventuate. We don’t all have the same universi- made something for your own—an experience of women (feat. token male, Mark). We bet the ty experience. You may experience all of these that will never be replicated. Committee never foresaw the irony that is now things; you may experience none of them. What So, it’s time to give Craccum a crack. We will in place. And what better way to rub it in the you can do is keep an open mind and try new be writing, ranting, raving, investigating, cum- face of our forebears than by keeping the name things. Amongst the numerous clubs on offer, ming all year. We will be covering everything (because a little pointed passive aggression never the option to try all sorts of papers in your de- student-related, from news and politics to life- hurt anyone). gree in first year, the new people you’re going to style. We will have feature articles, arts reviews Student journalism plays an essential role in meet, and the opportunity to study abroad, you and regular columnists who’ll make you laugh university life. Not only is it the one place where have the ability to shape what you want your ex- and ponder more deeply than any Philosophy you can almost go uncensored and write as many perience at university to be like. Never will you 101 lecture will do. If you’re a budding writer fucks, wanks, cunts as you want, it is a place to have as much freedom to do whatever the fuck or artist and you want to join our ragtag, affec- engage with your peers in an open forum and you want with yourself than during your time at tionate bunch of contributors, send us your work challenge perspectives, ideas or preconceived no- university. or come visit us in our sanctuary opposite bFM. tions. All manner of topics can be tackled, equal There are some home truths you should be We are sure to be less hip, but promise to make representation across the magazine is what we aware of that could tarnish your time here. There far more cheesy pop culture references than our strive for, and most importantly, we just want to is the inevitability of being socially restricted neighbours. Most importantly, enjoy the ride, make your university experience a fucking blast! and sticking close to your high school mates; and as everyone’s favourite everywoman Emma Whether you want to continue using us as your the clear student apathy for student issues; ris- Stone sang, here’s to the fools who dream. ◆ [5] NEWS “European Students Association” Given O-Week Stall By Eloise Sims A group calling themselves the “Auckland “As a Jewish student, it makes me feel very to Campus Life for the stall was “very vague in University European Students Association” unsafe. This group being allowed to publicly its language”. Matthews said that the process- has been granted an O-Week Stall outside recruit and be legitimised by Campus Life cre- es around approving unaffiliated clubs access the General Library. The group claims on ates a platform for white supremacists.” to campus are to be discussed in light of the their Facebook page that they have been “To allow this sentiment and attitude on group’s successful application for a stall. formed with the purpose of advocating campus is to allow fascism on campus.” AUESA’s Facebook page features edited pride in “European heritage and history.” Speaking with Craccum, Associate Di- photos of colonial explorer Captain Cook su- AUSA President Will Matthews met with rector of Student Engagement and Support perimposed over a New Zealand flag, and pic- Clubs and Engagement staff from Campus Anne-Marie Parsons said that it is normal tures of Kaiser Wilhelm I’s coronation.
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