Where Our Voices Sound Risky Business See More Seymour

Helen Yeung chats with Mermaidens (not the Jordan Margetts takes on Facebook, the Herald Meg Williams delves deep on a dinner date with Harry Potter kind) and that office sex scandal the ACT Party Leader [1]

ISSUE ELEVEN CONTENTS

9 10 NEWS COMMUNITY

NORTHLAND GRAVE A CHOICE VOICE ROBBING? An interview with the strong Unfortunately for Split Enz, it women behind Shakti Youth appears that history does repeat

13 14 LIFESTYLE FEATURES

SHAKEN UP MORE POWER TO THE PUSSY Milkshake hotspots to bring more than just boys to your A look into the growing yard feminist porn industry

28 36 ARTS COLUMNS

WRITERS FEST WRAP-UP BRING OUT THE LIONS!

Craccum contributors review Mark Fullerton predicts the some literary luminaries outcomes of the forthcoming Lions Series

[3] 360° Auckland Abroad Add the world to your degree

Auckland Abroad Exchange Programme

Application Deadline: July 1, 2017 for exchange in Semester 1, 2018

The 360° Auckland Abroad student exchange programme creates an opportunity for you to complete part of your University of Auckland degree overseas.

You may be able to study for a semester or a year at one of our 130 partner universities in 25 countries. Scholarships and financial assistance are available.

Come along to an Auckland Abroad information seminar held every Thursday at 2pm in iSPACE (level 4, Student Commons).

There are 360° of exciting possibilities. Where will you go?

www.auckland.ac.nz/360 [email protected] EDITORIAL

Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti

The F-Word

Margaret Atwood’s 1985 dystopian novel The in a later interview that the show is “obvious- ain’t about race, man. There is a bizarre impulse Handmaid’s Tale has been adapted and updat- ly feminist” (after a media maelstrom over the for some to hold the media we consume at arms ed for TV, the story of a world where women cast’s initial comments), calling a show that is length, to act as though what we watch or read are forced to act as concubines (and incuba- ostensibly feminist not so only serves to do a or listen to is not embroiled in the political and tors) for the wealthy and powerful cast across disservice to the issues The Handmaid’s Tale social issues we see unfolding around us, when screens (television, computer or otherwise) in seeks to address. When the show you are in- they are in fact an irrefutable product of these. glorious technicolour. The show’s relevance is volved in creating navigates the physical and It’s important to call things as they are. all too hard to ignore—the fervent stripping psychological terrain of women living under At this year’s Auckland Writers Festival, au- of women’s rights, the terrifying treatment of the tyranny of a religious oligarchy, document- thor and professor Roxane Gay was pressed members of the LGBTQ+ community, the ing their nebulous interactions with each other for comment on the relevance of The Hand- frustrating and senseless legal and political and with the men who stand sovereign—tar- maid’s Tale, on the almost eerie prescience of changes that plume the privilege of some while ring that creation with a “humanist” brush Atwood’s text, particularly in its current tele- stepping on the necks of others are all too fa- appears extremely short-sighted (and, in all vised form. Gay noted the importance of not miliar. honesty, makes you look like a bit of a dingus). relying on The Handmaid’s Tale as a handbook During promotion for Hulu’s latest prop- It’s not entirely clear whether this ill-in- for our own current political turmoil—that erty at the Tribeca Film Festival at the end of formed desire to distance the show from a it was much more instructive to keep a close April, the cast of The Handmaid’s Tale elected feminist lens was to avoid alienating viewers eye on the way those in power step on rights not to concede that the show was a feminist (as if people who balked at the idea of wom- and stand on the wrong side of history in re- one. Elisabeth Moss, who occupies the show’s en’s rights or gender equality were ever going ality than in fiction. As it is important to call central role as handmaid Offred, took a firm to watch a televised version of The Handmaid’s a feminist text a feminist text, or to avoid cut- stance that the show was not about women’s Tale anyway for cripes sake), but it is clear ting a film’s racial commentary at the knees, it rights, but about human rights—that it was a that this ducking and darting around labels is important to call out corruption, conflicts “human story” rather than a feminist one. is not limited to this adaptation of Atwood’s of interest, the dismantling of environmental Saying something isn’t something doesn’t award-winner. protections, attacks on reproductive rights and mean that thing isn’t that thing. Simply say- Jordan Peele’s directorial debut Get Out has trigger-happy international acts of aggression. ing “Kit Kat Chunkies aren’t delicious”, or been critically acclaimed for its biting critique If we fail to keep track, to call things as they “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is a tiny and of the state of race relations in America, but are, we succeed only in letting these acts fes- unattractive man”, or “Adam Sandler’s cover there have been some who have pushed back at ter unfettered. If we don’t call a spade a spade, of ‘Werewolves of London’ is not a banger and this praise, with claims that a film based around we find ourselves calling a volatile business- is in fact deeply unenjoyable” does not make an African American man’s fears about meeting man-cum-reality star-cum-thirteen Gremlins these things true. While Moss, who is (perhaps his white girlfriend’s family and their ensuing standing on top of each other in a roomy blue relevantly) a lifelong scientologist, did concede bizarre and unsettling behaviour just, ya know, suit “President”. ◆

[5] NEWS Auckland Business School Shut Down For Plagiarism BY ELOISE SIMS

A Queen Street business school has been ple of assessments for investigation. our assessment partner, Linguis was dereg- shut down after failing to address issues Indeed, according to the report, some istered essentially because of a cobbling with “overcrowding” and plagiarism rates of the Linguis staff even “seemed unclear together of past performance issues rather from 20–50 per cent, according to NZQA. about what constituted plagiarism.” than on how Linguis had been performing Linguis International Institute lost its Despite NZQA issuing clear recom- at the time the decision to deregister was registration for both its Queen Street and mendations in plagiarism prevention made,” Dawson said. Christchurch campuses last week due to strategies to Linguis, NZQA Deputy "This was confirmed in NZQA's dereg- “serious concerns” identified by NZQA in Chief Executive Grant Klinkum claims istration notice letter to us. This is grossly a November report. their concerns remained serious enough unfair to Linguis and its students.” According to the report recently ob- this year to drive them to deregister Lin- However, Dawson confirmed in a De- tained by Craccum, over 1000 mainly Indian guis last week. cember interview that Linguis was among and Chinese students were enrolled at the “NZQA will not tolerate poor quality a group of eighteen education providers Institute in 2016—dropping to just 81 en- education,” Klinkum said in conversation called into a meeting with Immigration rolments at the time of the school’s closure. with Stuff—insisting New Zealand quali- New Zealand to discuss “serious concerns” In the report, NZQA stated that they fications should be “robust, credible, and regarding Indian student visa problems. were “not confident” in Linguis’ educa- internationally recognised.” Upon research, Linguis’ website appears tional performance, claiming there was However, in speaking with The New to have been stripped of its design—al- “widespread evidence of systematic plagia- Zealand Herald, Linguis director Mike though it still features stock photos of stu- rism,” issues with overcrowding, and poor Dawson said the school had only received dents and teachers, and an apparent accredi- English language levels among students. 24 hours notice of the decision—and that tation from Immigration New Zealand. While Auckland Linguis students had NZQA had not taken into account Lin- NZQA has confirmed the 81 stu- a 97% pass rate in September 2014 Busi- guis’ “dramatic improvement” of its facil- dents from Linguis will be transferred to ness Diploma examinations, the NZQA ities and staff. “high-performing alternative providers” and evaluation team found these results “ques- “In spite of evidence of dramatic im- urge students to contact them on linguis. tionable” after conducting a random sam- provement and confirmed excellence by [email protected] or 0800 697 296. ◆

“The Final Back-Up” Global Seed Vault Under Threat From Climate Change BY DANIELLE MAYNARD

In the event of a natural or man-made di- and with the capacity to hold 4.5 million va- noted to the seeds, continually rising tem- saster, there is always the potential for total rieties (a maximum of 2.5 billion individual peratures in the Polar region have sparked devastation of food crops. Most countries seeds), the Vault has the largest crop diver- fears for the world’s final back-up. have their own stores of seeds in case the sity in the world. These seeds are dried and Drainage ditches moving away from need arises. However, most of these seeds kept frozen, preserving them for potentially the Vault are planned to ensure all water are also at risk in the case of a disaster, or hundreds of years to be used to regenerate is directed away from the access tunnels, suffer from a lack of funding and manage- decimated crops. The natural permafrost along with thorough waterproofing of the ment. Much like the extinction of an an- and thick layer of rock that surrounds the tunnel walls. Heat producing electrical imal species, once a crop is entirely gone, Vault is supposed to keep the samples frozen equipment has been moved out of the tun- there is no resurrecting it. So, as a safe- at –18°C, even without power. nel, and the Vault has also been installed guard, countries and institutions around However the climate’s sudden rise in with pumps to remove water in case a larg- the world have been placing seed samples temperature, due to man-made global warm- er flood threatens the seeds. in one of the most remote places on Earth. ing, has threatened the safety of the seeds. A new climate research project is also Buried deep within a mountain on the With atmospheric temperatures reaching being carried out to monitor the changes Norwegian island of Spitsbergen in the Sval- around 0°C instead of their normal –10°C, in the permafrost, and to determine if the bard archipelago is the Global Seed Vault. some permafrost surrounding the Vault has unnaturally high temperatures are set to Already housing close to one million plant melted and partially flooded the access tun- continue and therefore if further protec- varieties with an average of 500 seeds each, nel to the Vault. While there was no damage tion for the seeds is needed. ◆

[6] NEWS

More Than Half Of All Students Broke—Survey BY LAURA KVIGSTAD

Results from a recent survey conducted by two-minute noodles." loan living costs in order to pay for rent and Unitec show that students are forgoing food University of Auckland undergraduate other weekly expenses. The living costs loan, and hygiene products more than ever in or- Anna Condon balanced five papers and six in addition to other student expenses, often der to meet their living expenses. Unitec re- jobs last semester—and says the survey’s find- results in an average student loan of $50,000 leased the results of their 2016 survey of 1964 ings seem all too familiar for her. with course fees included. Auckland-based students last Tuesday. “Being a student living out of home and In 2010, eligibility rules for the student The findings included that 55 per cent earning an income that you need to survive allowance were changed by the National of students did not have enough income on means sometimes making decisions that Government—with only 33% of students ac- to meet their living costs at some stage in hinder academic progress to survive.” tually receiving access to student allowances the past 12 months. More than two-thirds The survey also found that over half of today, according to NZUSA. of Māori students surveyed (68 per cent) all full-time students at Unitec were working In response, former Prime Minister expressed the same struggle. Two-thirds of more than 15 hours per week. This is general- Dame Jenny Shipley took shots at the middle participants said they had "seriously consid- ly deemed the tipping point in studying cir- class in Radio New Zealand programme The ered" dropping out of study due to financial cles when time in paid work affects academic Ninth Floor, stating that “Student allowances or work-study-life pressures. performance. In the Unitec report, an anony- were another example of the middle class tak- The New Zealand Union of Students’ mous student studying full time in Auckland ing more than their fair share.” Association's (NZUSA) President, Jonathan said that students “living away from home However, Green MP Gareth Hughes be- Gee, said he was deeply concerned by the with no student allowance cannot support lieves such claims detract from the reality of survey. themselves on the Studylink loan alone. I student hardship. “A couple of years ago we were talking personally work 15–20 hours a week on top “New Zealand wants a world-class educa- about students only living on two-minute of full-time study.” tion system, but if students can’t afford heat- noodles—what you see in this survey is that According to another recent report pub- ing, housing or sufficient food, how are they one in seven students can't even afford those lished by the NZUSA, 74% of students use supposed to focus on learning?” ◆

Unpaid Work Trials: Screwing Workers Over? BY MARK CASSON

Some hospitality workplaces are being la- money for a few hours.” “Students won’t be able to support them- belled as unjust for using unpaid worker The Spinoff also interviewed Shannon selves to live if they keep working for free trials in order to save money. McKenzie, an 18 year old who spoke of through unpaid work trials,” Williams said. According to a recent investigation by her experiences working as part of an un- “It’s still work—and yes, if you don’t get The Spinoff, numerous cafes, restaurants, paid trial for a Porirua restaurant. the job, you have still done some work for the and fast-food diners are using new work- “We got there and they assigned me company and therefore they should pay you.” ers to work long hours for free (or very lit- and this other girl to clean all the wooden Craccum also reached out to another tle) through the unpaid work trial process. walls, sweep and mop the floor and set up who agreed with Williams’ stance. The Regularly this takes the form of workers, all the tables.” worker was successful in getting the job she often underage or with poor levels of En- “It was unusual, having to clean their trialled for—but requested to remain anon- glish, working shifts in a “trial period”. walls.” ymous in order to retain her job. After a certain individual has completed However, McKenzie claims the question She said, “I consider myself lucky that I the shift in the “trial period”, they are then of pay for the “trial” did not come up once. got the job. But the person I was competing off-loaded and told they didn’t get the job. In 2014, the University of Auckland had with… I am not sure where she is working The Spinoff interviewed Mike Egan, 41,953 students enrolled—many of them now, but I do know she was a student.” National President of the Restaurants’ As- having to work in order to live comfortably However, she believes the nature of sociation, who insisted, “There’s no such in Auckland. But with unpaid work trials unpaid work trials depends upon the cir- thing as an unpaid work trial.” taking place, the issue is becoming prominent cumstances. “You can’t just have people on trial and for Auckland students—many of whom face “It really depends on how long the trial not pay them. Other businesses don’t do it. heavy rents and growing student loans. is for. If it’s for an hour, I personally don’t You wouldn’t go there to work at a bank as Craccum reached out to Ryan Williams think they should get paid—but if it’s any- a bank teller and they’d trial you counting who fell victim to unpaid work trials. thing more, I think they should.” ◆

[7] NEWS “HACKERMAN!”—The Future of Cyberwarfare? JACK GRADWELL EXPLAINS THE IMPLICATIONS OF THE RECENT INTERNATIONAL MALWARE ATTACK, “WANNACRY”

Two weeks ago, the University of Auck- mands could do. the past ensured their efficiency, they now land sent emails warning students to stay Recently, media attention has focused leave them vulnerable to cyberattack. extra vigilant while browsing online. on accusations of Russian hackers breach- Thanks to airhopping technologies, even While our UoA IT teams prevented the ing into and disseminating Hillary Clin- where there is no internet connection, “Wannacry” malware from breaching uni- ton’s emails. However, these are but the tip malware can enter systems through wire- versity systems, and thus deflected damage of the iceberg of the capabilities modern less microphones, printers, mouses and from one of the largest cyber attacks in states possess in the realm of cyberwarfare. speakers. history, not all institutions were so lucky. In 2012, an Israeli-made virus infected Ultimately, so great is the perception Within Britain, the attack crippled the Iranian nuclear programme’s comput- of the threat of cyberattacks, multiple Rus- the National Health System’s computers, ers. Proceeding to send Tehran’s nuclear sian intelligence agencies have abandoned preventing doctors and hospitals from centrifuges into overload, the virus en- combating it altogether, preferring instead accessing crucial patient data. Described sured that monitoring systems continued to revert to the use of typewriters for se- by the European Union’s Police agency to display normal, safe production levels. cure messages. as “unprecedented in scale”, the attack In the resulting carnage, up to 20% of Ira- Bringing with it the capacity to create offered nothing if but a glimpse into the nian centrifuges were destroyed, setting mass-scale damage, with little immediate terrifying capabilities for future cyberwar- her nuclear programme back several years. risk and a level of plausible deniability on fare. Infecting some 230,000 computers, While few would mourn the Ayatollah’s the aggressing side, cyberattacks represent the source of the Wannacry malware is yet loss, the case illustrated that the damage the looming future of modern warfare. unknown. inflicted by cyberattacks is no longer just With the ability to be mobilised so much Whereas in the past, crippling a na- limited to the internet. faster than their conventional counterparts tion’s health system required all the fire- Rather, cyberattacks can now be used in the realms of land, sea, air and space, the power of the state, this attack could just to deadly effect—causing real, physical first visible sign of any future great power as much have been committed by North damage. In the world of 2017, banking conflict will be in cyberforces launching at- Korea as it could a guy sitting on his bed. and telecommunications systems, power tacks upon critical infrastructure. Terrifying in and of itself, if a single indi- grids, railways, aircraft satellites and even With all of modern society so utterly vidual could cripple the British healthcare pacemakers are now all utterly reliant reliant upon computer technology, no one system, imagine the damage the Chinese, upon computers for their functioning. but a hermit would be spared should for- American or Russian cyberwarfare com- Where these developments have in eign powers decide to launch a cyberwar. ◆

The Week in Trump SO MUCH TRUMP NEWS, SO LITTLE TIME: PATRICK NEWLAND TRIES TO UNRAVEL “STUPID WATERGATE”

Michael T. Flynn: Pleading the 5th amend- evidence that shows the depth to which Quick—make them look somewhere ment of the United States Constitution is Trump is in over his head. else. Wait, no! James Comey is the not something that is done by someone gift that keeps on giving—if that gift is innocent—at least, that’s according to yet Is it a leak when you brag about it? Recent a Trojan horse for the Trump adminis- another tweet by Donald Trump. news hasn’t helped the case for an entirely tration. And yet last week, that is what former incompetent President, with the Washing- After being fired just over two weeks National Security advisor Michael Flynn ton Post publishing a report last week that ago, much has come out about the cir- chose to do. He offered to testify to a pub- suggested Trump accidentally passed on cumstances surrounding his departure. It lic session of Congress—but only on the codeword-level intelligence directly to the seems to track back to Trump allegedly condition of immunity from prosecution. Russian Ambassador to the US. Reports “jokingly” asking him to end his investi- You may remember Flynn as the man who have suggested that this information di- gation into Flynn, and the possible ties only three months ago had the ear of the rectly compromised the safety of an Israeli between Russia and his campaign. Comey President, and has since been described by agent, and ended what was described as a has since agreed to a public hearing on the an internal Russian memo as a "close ally successful long-term joint operation be- matter, and it is expected that he will come and friend" of President Vladimir Putin. tween the United States and the Israeli. forward with any information he has— Perhaps from a practical standpoint Perhaps under a normal presidency both on Trump, and the case that he was this isn’t the end of the world—after all, a this would normally have dominated the building against his staff. de-escalation of tensions between the US news for weeks, if not months—being While an early end to a Trump pres- and Russia would arguably be a benefit to described by constitutional scholars and idency is still a long way off, it is worth the rest of the world (human rights atroci- Democrats as an impeachable offence— remembering that in the event of an im- ties aside). But from a political standpoint, yet it was overshadowed within days by peachment, Mike Pence would become the betrayal is simply just another file of even more news. President. Better the devil you know? ◆

1 Please note that this title has blatantly been stolen from John Oliver, but it is a good description.

[8] NEWS

Amateur Historian Potentially Stole Māori Remains To Make False Claims BY GINNY WOO AND CATRIONA BRITTON

In a beautiful double whammy of Aotearoa Due to apparent fears as to the legality tangata whenua if it is a Māori urupā, or New Zealand’s colonial past rearing its of his actions, Hilliam was quick to note descendants of the deceased (where they ugly head like a racist spectre, a Northland that the notably Aryan facial reconstruc- can be identified). “Historian” has taken it upon himself to tions that he posited as the truth were cre- Dr Ngarino Ellis, Senior Lecturer at attempt to disprove that Māori were the ated by a credible source—an anonymous the University of Auckland, is concerned original inhabitants of Aotearoa. forensic pathologist from the University with the lack of specificity surrounding Noel Hilliam, based in Kaipara, is of Edinburgh. the location of the burial sites. She told convinced that European seafarers settled Unfortunately for him, a spokesperson VICE that removing skulls from historic New Zealand centuries before people from the University told VICE it was very burial sites like urupā was “reprehensible”. from Polynesia. clear that their Forensic Pathology depart- “Taking from urupā, just like from It’s not the first time Hilliam has made ment had no knowledge at all of being in- anyone’s [grave], is a violation of our fu- such claims—originally insisting in 2012 volved in any of Hilliam’s work. neral practices. These are our ancestors. that in fact, ancient Greek navigators What is further confounding about They were not intended to be removed “were the first to sail down under” toStuff. these claims are the obvious breaches of and distributed,” she said to VICE. Hilliam has also claimed, according New Zealand law and tikanga (Māori cus- Urupā are places of wāhi tapu, sacred to a New Zealand Herald article, that he tomary system of values and practices). sites that are subjected to ritual restric- found the remains of an Old Spanish ship It is an offence under section 55 of the tions. Removing ancestral remains from near Dargaville in 1982, but it tragically Burial and Cremation Act 1964 if a person urupā is a direct breach of these restric- “vanished” before he could show anyone. disinters or removes a body or the remains tions governed by tikanga. Last week, Hilliam attempted to argue of a body from its place of burial without Aotearoa New Zealand has also en- that his findings proved that it was actu- a proper licence. If an offence is commit- acted into domestic law the UNESCO ally the Welsh who had discovered New ted, a person may be liable on conviction Convention on the Means of Prohibiting Zealand—and that Europeans had gener- to a fine not exceeding $400 or up to three and Preventing the Illicit Import, Export ally lived here way before Māori came into months imprisonment. and Transfer of Cultural Property (1970), the picture. Further, under s 150(b) of the Crimes as well as the UNIDROIT Convention Kerry Bolton’s highly slated book, Act 1961, a person is liable to a maximum on Stolen or Illegally Exported Cultural Lords of the Soil, seems to have inspired Hil- sentence of two years’ imprisonment if he Objects (1995). liam’s view in arguing that Europeans have or she improperly or indecently interferes Under the Protected Objects Act 1975, lived on our fair shores since ancient times. with or offers any indignity to any dead human remains may fall under the defini- However, Hilliam has now gone one step human body or human remains. tion of “protected New Zealand object”. further into the world of conspiracy theories, When contacted by VICE, Hilliam said Under section 5, a person who exports a sincerely believing that the Government has he took skulls and bones from various his- protected New Zealand object without an “official policy to hide information which toric burial sites in Northland, but admitted going through the application process com- could dispute the accepted line that Māori that he did not consult local iwi about dis- mits an offence and is liable on conviction were the first to settle in this country.” turbing the sites. He said he did not have to to a fine not exceeding $100,000 and/or up His non-academic historical assertions as “[t]hey’re nothing to do with the iwi.” to five years imprisonment. were primarily based off the reconstruc- However, with any disinterment of hu- According to VICE, Hilliam was fully tion of incredibly old skulls from burial man remains that predate 1900, an archae- aware it was illegal to send ancient human sites—one, Hilliam claims, from the Ture- ological authority is required and there remains overseas, but went through with it hu tribe, and one from Waitaha. must be evidence of consultation with regardless as he believed the law was unjust. ◆

[9] COMMUNITY

Introducing: Shakti Youth Helen Yeung interviewed Shakti Youth members on what they do, where they stand in Aotearoa New Zealand and what their future plans are on improving the community

“Step by step, we will work towards empowering The Youth Unit started with a group of young specific and focused organisations. While white all migrant and refugee youth in Aotearoa/New people from migrant backgrounds who were people have been involved in Shakti as support- Zealand to live lives with dignity, free from vio- invited to address violence in our communities. ers and in our training centre, all our frontline lence and fear, and to help create safer homes and In the early 2000s, Shakti was receiving cases of staff are Asian, African, Middle Eastern, and communities together.” teenage girls being threatened with forced mar- speak at least one non-English language from Since 1995, the national non-profit community riage or living with a marriage that was coerced. those regions. organisation, Shakti, has been advocating for a The women’s refuge model that focuses on adult WHAT IS SHAKTI YOUTH’S STANCE ON TINO RAN- safer world for Asian, African and Middle East- women and children wasn’t working for a lot of GATIRATANGA? ern communities across New Zealand through young women, especially where the perpetrators We support tino rangatiratanga and believe that their culturally appropriate support and advoca- of abuse were their parents and they had grown we need to stand in solidarity with Māori and cy. The organisation specialises in areas of wom- up in Aotearoa/New Zealand. We came togeth- Pasifika peoples. Māori and Pasifika peoples en’s development, empowerment, domestic and er to develop a model of family violence inter- have their own self-determined organisations family violence intervention, prevention and vention designed by youth for youth. One of the and they know best how to address issues of vio- awareness. After six years of advocacy, petitions first meetings was held with a group of youth lence in their own communities and it’s because and hard work, Shakti New Zealand and many volunteers and survivors ranging from 20–30 of their leadership in creating culturally appro- women’s organisations and NGOs have recently years old who had gone through Shakti’s ser- priate spaces for their communities that Shakti announced victory over a new law where forced vices. We formed a steering group and organised has been able to create a similar space for Asian, and underage marriage is now a crime. Shakti a conference called Migrant Youth New Zea- Middle Eastern and African communities. We Youth are a group of young people from Asian, land (MYNZ) across schools to provide a space believe that as migrants it is our duty to be ed- African and Middle Eastern backgrounds pas- for Asian, Middle Eastern and African youth to ucated on the colonisation of Aotearoa. As mi- sionate about social justice and building towards come together and discuss issues specific to our grants, we need to recognise our complicity in a violence-free future. communities. the colonisation of Aotearoa and stand together

WHY ONLY CERTAIN ETHNIC GROUPS? ARE WHITE with Māori and Pasifika people. This is especially WHO ARE SHAKTI YOUTH? CAN YOU TELL US WHAT PEOPLE ALLOWED TO JOIN? KIND OF ISSUES SHAKTI YOUTH FOCUSES ON? important as our communities are often placed The original founders of Shakti found a need to We are a group of Asian, African, Middle East- in opposition to each other; we are encouraged set up a refuge for Asian, Middle Eastern and ern feminists wanting to promote change in the to fight among ourselves as opposed to working African communities because the mainstream community. The word Shakti means “strength”, together and dismantling the white supremacist services lacked cultural competency. There are “power” or “empowerment” in Sanskrit. And structures that impact on the lives of members of many overlaps and similarities in terms of cul- this is what we aim for; empowering youth to all our minority communities. ture and religion, however, these groups tend to end violence and discrimination in their com- be labeled under an “ethnic” umbrella, which in YOU MENTIONED BEFORE THAT SHAKTI YOUTH munities and lives. As a feminist organisation, WILL BE HAVING A MARCH. WHAT IS THIS ABOUT? a New Zealand context translates to non-Pāke- AND WHY IS IT HAPPENING? we focus on issues including ending family vio- hā, non-Pasifika and non-Māori. There are -ex Shakti Youth is holding a peaceful youth march lence, intergenerational change, ending sexism, isting self-determining organisations for Māori against all forms of violence and discrimina- racism and supporting youth projects. and Pasifika communities, so Shakti under- tion on June 4th at 1pm to mark Youth Week IMAGE: SHAKTI “BREAK FREE” HANDBOOK HOW DID THE YOUTH UNIT START? stands and respects the need to have culturally 2017. The march will begin at Britomart and

[10] COMMUNITY end at Aotea Square, where we will see and hear in- like ‘Go back to your own country’ and ‘You are a dis- spirational speakers and performances! We want to grace to your school’. I was so shocked at how hateful UPCOMING raise awareness that violence and discrimination is this lady was that I was completely speechless and I just COMMUNITY present in our society, so that we can actually make let her continue to say these things. That day I cried all EVENTS a change. the way home.” Show your passion for keeping NZ Aotearoa New Zealand has the highest rates of “I was on a flight to New Zealand and a Pākehā clean and green at the reported family violence as well as youth suicide in woman asked me, ‘Why are you going to New Zea- March for Divestment! the OECD and gender equality is still not achieved land?’, like she automatically assumed I did not belong st here. Young people are stereotyped as problematic; there. I answered I’m on a student visa and in Year 12 When: Wednesday 31 May, 12pm migrants have to deal with racism daily, and Mus- at a high school there. She then moved on to question Where: The Quad lims with Islamophobia. We want to make a change why I wore a nose stud, asking if it was ‘cultural’. She Price: Free! to end violence and discrimination based on age, also saw the rings on my finger and automatically as- Age restrictions: All ages gender, ethnicity, religion, class, ability and sexual sumed I was married off at a young age. I felt so uncom- Event info: “As a leading academic in- orientation. Youth voices in Aotearoa will be cele- fortable as my family is extremely aware of consent for stitution, the University of Auckland brated in an effort to end violence and discrimina- marriage. I felt discriminated against solely because of must walk the talk on climate change. tion. It would be great if everyone reading this could my appearance and skin colour.” After all, if it's wrong to wreck the plan- come along and invite your friends and family! “One of my daily experiences of racism is the et, then it’s wrong for the University to ‘Where are you from?’ question we all love that I en- profit from that wreckage by investing I SAW THAT SHAKTI’S WELLINGTON REFUGE WAS in fossil fuels. When our public institu- RECENTLY FEATURED IN THE NEWS. CAN YOU TELL US A counter through my work at a call center. My accent BIT MORE ABOUT THAT? is a weird mix of random things that I have picked up tions pull their money out of this dirty In 2014, Shakti in Wellington opened a refuge after the living in Malaysia, but going to a British private school industry, they make a powerful state- murders of two migrant women there due to domestic and consuming a tonne of American TV, it never really ment that extracting and burning fossil violence. This happened because Shakti believed those bothers me until people question me about it. Ques- fuels is no longer acceptable to society. women should have had access to refuge services that tions like: ‘Are you in New Zealand?’, ‘Where in New March with us to demand climate ac- understood their cultural contexts. This year, funding Zealand are you?’, ‘Is this call center in the Philippines, tion now #ForAllOurFutures.” for Shakti Wellington Refuge was categorically de- or India, or something?’, ‘You’re in New Zealand but For more Fossil Free UoA events, clined by the Ministry of Social Development despite you’re not a Kiwi’. There is a constant assertion that check out their Facebook page at: the need for further analysis. This as an ongoing issue of YOU ARE NOT ONE OF US.” https://www.facebook.com/fossil- structural racism against migrant women preventing us “Even though I have been living in a European freeuoa/ from self-determining our own services and supporting society for most of my life, it feels weird when people our people. It denies the right for Asian, Middle East- tell me I am ‘one of them’ or ‘pretty much a white girl’ ern and African women to access culturally appropriate because I have never felt that way. I felt like an outcast. services in the Wellington region and is putting more Words were one thing, because I couldn’t fit in. Soci- WORK OFF migrant women’s lives at risk. ety had taught me to hate my non-eurocentric looks. However, I didn’t feel like I could fit in with clubs of YOUR STRESS WHY DO WE NEED ORGANISATIONS LIKE SHAKTI YOUTH IN THE COMMUNITY? DURING THE INTERVIEW, SHAKTI my ethnicity either. They viewed me as ‘too western- YOUTH MEMBERS DISCUSSED PERSONAL EXPERIENCES WITH A Charity ised’ and ‘not-culturally-in-touch’. So, I was ‘too white’ TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION. BootCamp Session “I worked at an Auckland-based internationally rec- to be ‘Asian’, and ‘too Asian’ to be a New Zealander. ognised human rights and social justice NGO for a Where do I belong?” HOSTED couple of years under a really rude manager. I did some “When I was in high school, I had internalised rac- recruitment work for her, hiring telefundraisers and for ism. I tried so hard to differentiate myself from acting BY MISS an admin and customer service role. She had a strong ‘FOB’. That was very harmful to me and others. Real- prejudice against even opening up and looking at CVs ising that being Asian was not something that I could AUCKLAND 2017 sent in by people with East and South Asian looking change, or that I should be ashamed of, took so many names. She said that people over the phone wouldn’t years of anger towards myself. When I realised how FINALIST FIONA want to speak with someone with an accent. I asked her toxic society’s social discourse and media’s messages what she thought when she had my CV come in when were, I realised that if I loved myself, society could no WU I applied for a job at the organisation as my name is un- longer profit off my self-hate. Not speaking out about When: Sunday June 4th, 10:30am mistakably South Asian. She responded saying ‘Your these challenges oppresses other people that may be – 11:15am cover letter was really good, so that’s why I gave you a unable or too scared to speak out. When we sit on the Where: UoA Rec Centre Studio 1 phone interview, to see how thick your accent was. You fence and watch others get discriminated against, we Price: $15 barely have an accent!’.” side with the oppressor.”◆ Age Restrictions: All ages “I was in Year 10, and at a shopping mall with friends. Event info: “Come and work off some We were walking around and a woman comes up to us VISIT HTTP://YOUTH.SHAKTI.ORG.NZ/ AND JOIN THEM TH stress and winter lethargy with a 45 out of the blue, and asks my friend who was wearing a IN THE YOUTH MARCH ON JUNE 4 . minute bootcamp session with an ac- hijab, ‘Do you have a bomb under there?’. This confron- IF YOU HAVE ANY ENQUIRIES OR AN INTEREST IN JOINING SHAKTI YOUTH, SEND THEM A MESSAGE ON credited personal trainer! You will be tation was so unnecessary—we were wearing our school FACEBOOK HTTPS://WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SHAKTI- YOUTH/ OR CONTACT THEM VIA EMAIL AT YOUTH@ challenged, have fun and be among uniforms at the time. It was horrible how assumptions SHAKTI.ORG.NZ. friends. All proceeds go to Ronald were made based on Islamophobic stereotypes.” TO DONATE AND HELP SHAKTI’S WELLINGTON Mcdonald House so start your Sunday “I was once on the bus on my way home and a lady REFUGE, VISIT THE GIVEALITTLE PAGE ON HTTPS:// GIVEALITTLE.CO.NZ/CAUSE/SAVESHAKTIWELLING- with a bang and support a great cause. came and sat behind me and she started to say things TONREFUGE.

[11] LIFESTYLE What’s On INTERVIEW WITH WE-AR FOUNDER Jyoti Morningstar Exhibitions on Screen: I, Claude Founded in 2005, WE-AR is a New Zealand ethical fashion and yoga brand that Monet embraces sustainability, health and wellbeing. Nikki Addison interviewed founder HAWKINS THEATRE Jyoti about ethical fashion and WE-AR’s new range

If you’re into art, check out Exhibitions WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO CREATE WE-AR? thentic basis for all other relating. on Screen: I, Claude Monet at Hawkins I felt bored by the rhetoric that business required a Theatre in Papakura. Based on informa- choice between profit and the wellbeing of people WE-AR IS ONE OF THE PIONEERING BRANDS OF NEW ZEALAND’S GROWING SUSTAINABLE FASHION INDUS- tion from thousands of letters, the film and planet. I see WE-AR as a design challenge and TRY. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT OUR SUSTAINABLE examines the fascinating and compli- am continually inspired to create innovative solu- FASHION INDUSTRY TODAY? cated life of one of the world’s greatest tions that honour the human spirit, our ecosystem We are a small and well educated nation and this painters. Tickets are $11 at the door. and a healthy balance sheet. means ideas can seed and develop quickly. People are opening their eyes and realising how responsive the CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT AN “ETHICAL” CLOTHING BRAND IS? industry is and therefore how much power each of $5 Mystery Box us wields with our voting dollars and social sharing. Ethical can be a bit of a catchphrase for anyone Milkshakes WE-AR has been telling this story for a decade and GRILL & SHAKES wanting to create a sense of purpose around what it’s beautiful to feel lifted up on this wave they’re making, so rather than answer for Get out to Grill & Shakes in Kingsland of awareness as it surges towards a more an industry with a bad track record, I’ll NOW. Monday 29th May is their $5 mindful and sustainable future. share my personal stance and link in the mystery shake day and you’re bound to WE-AR Code of Ethics. For me, creating DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR PEOPLE get a delightful surprise. All you have to ethically demands an eyes-wide-open, PASSIONATE ABOUT ETHICAL SHOPPING do is select a flavour from the box and in- AND SUSTAINABILITY IN GENERAL, AS OP- holistic consideration of each person and POSED TO FASHION SPECIFICALLY? dulge in some sweet, organic goodness. earth system that is potentially enriched Ask questions to find out the provenance or compromised by my design concept. of what you put in your basket and take Sal & the A responsive and adaptive approach is into your homes and bodies. Where was it Babyshakes EP required and sometimes this can mean re- made, how was it made and who made it? Release designing an aspect or process in order to How did they feel about making it? Was REC achieve the best possible outcome holistically. anything harmed in the process? Was a waterway

nd impacted? Were other peoples livelihoods impact- Get your jazz fix this Friday 2 June YOU PRODUCE THE CLOTHING IN BALI. HOW DOES ed? How do you feel about what you find out? It’s at Sal Valentine and the Babyshakes’ THIS LOCATION CONNECT TO WE-AR’S VALUES? really interesting to know the story behind the every- Church EP Release gig. Head on down I founded WE-AR as a development project, so I day bits and pieces that help us live well. So I guess to REC at 8pm and bring twenty bucks wanted to work in a developing community that my advice is to get really curious and trust your heart for the door. still hadn’t been barraged into monotheistic capital- ism. Bali is a complex society that still holds ancient when it responds to what you find out. No industry spiritual and family ritual at the heart of everything can continue to produce things we don’t want.

The Faustus Project it does, whilst also facing a very concentrated ver- YOU’VE JUST LAUNCHED A NEW AUTUMN/WINTER BASEMENT THEATRE sion of every serious social and environmental issue COLLECTION, “RHYME”. WHAT WAS THE GOAL BEHIND THIS LINE? A retelling of Marlowe’s , threatening the developed world due to its intensive Doctor Faustus To create a series of belyingly simple, lightweight, except with a new guest performer in tourism. This makes it a very dynamic community to warm and supple cocoons for people that awaken an the leading role every night, work in. One of our core values is to develop process- The Faustus individual’s playfulness and curiosity. Our prints this promises to be hilarious and a little es that support individuals, family and community Project season are quite dramatic to create texture in layers dangerous. Running from 30th May–3rd with independent and sustainable endeavour. This worn under, over and around the clean, somewhat June at the Basement Theatre, tickets are suits the psyche of Balinese and many other Indone- boyish lines of “Rhyme”. available at iTicket. Check out an inter- sian cultures, so it’s both rewarding and meaningful view with the director in this issue for a to be part of a healthy wave of increasing mindful- DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE PIECE FROM THE COL- ness in design, production and business practice on LECTION? great ticket deal for Craccum readers. this unique island. Now you’re asking the difficult questions..! I have to go with two; the SubPop dress and the Boyfriend YOU DESCRIBE WE-AR AS BEING “BORN FROM A Doc Edge Film YOGIC PHILOSOPHY”. CAN YOU DESCRIBE THIS PHI- shirt in Kale polka-splotch. ◆ Festival LOSOPHY? WHY IS YOGA SO IMPORTANT TO YOU AND YOUR BRAND? Q THEATRE The word yoga comes from the ancient root “yug” THE WE-AR AUTUMN/WINTER 2017 COLLEC- Head along to the Doc Edge Film Festival which means to “yoke” or create union. I’m of the TION IS AVAILABLE AT STORES AND STOCKISTS for 2017 at the Q Theatre. Running from THROUGHOUT NEW ZEALAND AND BALI, AND opinion that the majority of our human drama and ONLINE AT WWW.WE-AR.COM. 24th May–5th June, this is an Oscar-quali- woes come from forgetting we are all of the same WE-AR HAVE ORGANISED A 15% DISCOUNT FOR fying international documentary film fes- CRACCUM READERS! APPLY THE CODE “UOAREN- essence. Yoga brings people into a more intimate EGADES” AT THE CHECKOUT DURING THE tival. There will be Q+A’s, screenings and relationship with themselves and this is the most au- MONTH OF JUNE TO GRAB THIS SWEET DEAL. talks. Student tickets online only $14! ◆

[12] LIFESTYLE ALCOHOLLY Top 5… Holly is a postgraduate student in UoA’s Wine Science Programme. She’s being held Shakes in Town hostage on Waiheke Island, so figured she’d utilise her free time to bring all you winos out there the inside scoop straight from the vine Moustache I used to work in a restaurant that was a little bit very gentle with the final pull of cork or you’ll QUAD shit, so mostly people just bought beer or wine splash wine everywhere. These guys do the best cookies and by the glass. One time, a customer ordered a bot- 4. Consume. shakes around! Using quality ice tle of fancy Spanish wine and my manager told cream, they have a range of delicious me I had to open it in front of them. At the table Mission Estate Reserve Hawke’s Bay Cabernet flavours including Salted Caramel, I tried hacking into the seal with the corkscrew Merlot ($20): To be honest, I think it’s pretty rude Cookie Dough and Peanut Butter. while the alarmed-looking customer offered to for NZ producers to use corks—as 3% of all bottles They also have five kinds of vegan do it for me. Alas, I persisted until I sliced my will be ruined by a bad cork. It’s not like they’re in shakes in some equally tasty flavours. thumb open and bled all over the bottle.To save remote Italy where there’s no access to a bottling you from an embarrassing and bloody mishap, line with screw-caps. But hey, I’m no romantic and here’s how it’s done: Al’s Deli maybe you love poppin’ bottles. Get it at www. CBD 1. Use the lil knife on the corkscrew to circumnav- glengarrywines.co.nz. igate the top of the opening—decapitate that If you like Snickers bars, Al’s Deli will seal and reveal the cork. Chapoutier Cotes du Rhone Belleruche ($25): take you to heaven. Their Snickers milk- That proper French stuff. Chapoutier have been shake is hands-down the best milkshake 2. Twist the screw into cork. making this wine since 1808, they know what in Auckland. Creamy, nutty, caramelly… 3. Rest lever on side of bottle and pull out cork. Be they’re up to. Buy it at Liquorland. ◆ What more could you want? Make sure you order in, because these babies come out 1950s style, with a shit-tonne of nut-coated cream and a cherry on top. GUIDE TO... Little Bird Unbakery Staying Warm in Winter PONSONBY (On a Budget) Who doesn’t love a semi-healthy shake, right? Little Bird have perfected By Grace Hood-Edwards the healthiness-taste scale so that you get all the flavour without ingesting The rest of the country may be looking at us in out, brew a cup to bring with you and warm your too much bad stuff. All their shakes Auckland and thinking we’re pathetic for moaning little hands. are vegan, using cashew ice cream and about the temperature. I would argue, however, Get moving: It’s not my favourite recommenda- nut milks. You can’t go wrong with the that this is the coldest winter I’ve ever experienced tion, and seems counter-productive, but—if you Caramel Maca Banana. in Auckland. I woke up this morning to go to work; don’t have a gym—head outside and take a walk it was 3°C and I had to chip ice off my car. Now, around the neighbourhood. The exercisewill warm I’m from England and like to keep my tolerance Cereal Killa you up—even though you might hate it. up in case I ever go back to visit, so I’ve been going MT EDEN Bundle up: Sweaters, gloves, scarves and fluffy out wearing singlets and sundresses as an exercise The Dom Road joint’s Killa Shakes look socks. Get them on your body. Layering is cool, in willpower. However, most people don’t have a like no shake you’ve ever seen. There are anyway. freakishly high body temperature. Here are some so many toppings you won’t be needing other tips and tricks students can do to beat the Rice packs/hot water bottles: Buy some rice packs to eat for a while after consuming one of chill this winter. you can heat up to carry with you, but remember these bad boys. Top flavour recommen- Thermals: Sounds obvious, but it’s probably a to always put a cup of water in the microwave with dations include mint choc, caramel waf- good idea to invest in some old thermal long johns. them. At night, you can substitute a partner for a fle and chocolate nutella. Wearing thermal underthings is, apparently, the hot water bottle. Or have both at once. equivalent of turning up the heat by about 4 de- Space heater: If you’re worried about heating costs Grill & Shakes grees. It’s a lot cheaper, and moves with you—un- in winter, a space heater may be just what you need. KINGSLAND like heating. It will warm up your room, and is probably worth Gourmet milkshakes is an understate- Open all curtains and windows: It might be cold- it. ment. Not only do these guys offer 69 er initially, but it will let the sunlight in to naturally Emergency tip—hand dryers: From personal DIFFERENT FLAVOURS, they use heat your house. Just don’t let your neighbour catch experience, I know that when you’re stuck on a organic milk, real ice cream and real choc- you in your woollen underwear. mountain in winter the best place to give you a shot olate. Some flavours include Toblerone, Brew a cup: Buy a thermos and live by it. Drink as of heat quickly is the hand dryer in the bathroom. Shrewsberry, Kumara, Skittles and Ferrero much coffee or tea as possible and, before you go Don’t hog it though. It’s simply a quick solution. ◆ Rocher. Also, the toppings are to die for. ◆

[13] FEATURE ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

[14] FEATURE

PUSSY GRABS BACK Anoushka Maharaj looks at the future of feminist porn

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS ON SEXUAL ASSAULT, RAPE, PHYSICAL ABUSE, AND PROFANITY

“In many ways, women need pornography; they the point of articles like these. Gloria Steinem movement), searches for violent pornography need a society that is frank and free in words and surmised this best when she said, “The answer were more common amongst women than images and in which they can talk about their to pornography lies not only in exposing it as an men. A team of researchers from the University bodies and experiences without becoming social institution, but making sure that individuals of North Texas and University of Notre Dame outcasts. It is telling that societies in which por- who are drawn to it, but who are not hurting played 355 women the enactment of a “rape nography is not at all acceptable also fail to accept others, don’t feel condemned.” So, rather than to fantasy”, and found that 52 per cent of the free movement or rational dress for women… So criticise, it hopes to unpack a general percep- women had fantasies about forced sex with a pornography and equality may go hand in hand tion of pornography—the good and the bad man, 32 per cent about being raped and 28 per in more tolerant, open societies… Even when soci- alike—and, taking into consideration certain cent about forced oral sex with a man. Overall, ety is more equal, pornography will not just with- criticisms and debates, whether there is a place 62 per cent of the women reported having had er away.” – Natasha Walter, The New Feminism for feminism (oversimplified as “gender equali- at least one fantasy around a forced sex act. It (1998) ty” for our purposes) in pornography. found that women who had not experienced Rashida Jones reignited genuine conversa- any form of abuse were the ones who were “cu- Of the many repugnant and unnecessary terms tion around the implications of porn with her rious” and therefore more prone to searching for women, “prude” doesn’t seem as hindering release of documentary, Hot Girls Wanted. The for these videos—which is harmful for many or as terrible in comparison to, say, “cunt” or doco interviewed several young women, aged reasons, with just one of them being the unfor- “crooked war criminal nasty woman”. Wom- between 19 and 24, who worked in the indus- tunate commonality of people learning about en are referred to as prudes in many contexts; try, including a few who were new to the porn or trying to understand sexual encounters whether it’s because they refuse to engage in world after being recruited by an agent. Jones through porn. sex/perform certain sexual acts, or because they and Jill Bauer, one of the directors, highlighted One of the most prevalent arguments aren’t comfortable divulging sexually explicit that pornography is no longer a “dark, taboo against pornography (apart from poor regula- details about their lives (i.e. in the instance of thing” and this is conducive to promoting con- tion, which will be addressed later) is the belief “Never Have I Ever”, which is the worst drink- versations around how to make pornography that it demeans or exploits women—largely ing game in existence). By this extension, stay- safe for those involved. A cautionary tale, of owed to who runs the porn industry. Media ing away from pornography can label someone sorts, Hot Girls Wanted observed these women, we are exposed to on a daily basis is permeat- a “prude”; as someone who is not sexually lib- but did not attempt to offer solutions to the ed with women who are oversexualised objects erated, or a straight-up nerd. Weirdly, women more problematic aspects of their work, as they and exist to fulfil an agenda that satisfies the who are open with their sexuality are similarly emphasise, “If a woman signed up to do porn and male protagonist—porn follows a similar di- condemned, which basically means that the she wants to do porn then back off, don’t judge her, rective, and is so often seen as exploitative be- only way you can escape retribution in this life which is not what we’re doing.” cause its concepts are depicted from the male is if you were the actual Zodiac killer. Pornography is a medium through which perspective. Erika Lust, Swedish erotic film di- Pornhub’s 2016 “Year in Review” collect- people are free to explore their sexual fanta- rector, has been a staple in contributing to the ed data detailing 23 billion total visits, with sies—but there is an argument that there is feminist porn movement. To combat harmful the number of videos watched clocking in at a correlation between sexual assault and the porn, she creates erotic film which prioritises around 91,980,225,000. New Zealand scored consumption of pornography. And while there the “feminine gaze”, as “mainstream porn” is of- 5th in the ranking of per capita visits, which I isn’t enough time in the world to list all the ten dominated by middle-aged men, who get to think is testament to the eighth year spent un- pornographic searches ever made, there are an script and direct narratives that can place wom- der the National Government. alarming number of them which fall under the en in compromising positions. Lust rejects false But as is the case with politics, to engage in category of abuse; whether it’s depictions of perpetuation of gender roles, and has created necessary and interesting discourse, you cannot rape, “coercive” sex or violence. projects like XConfessions, a series that brings condemn someone for their choices, you can According to a recent VICE article (which to life people’s fantasies that they have written only seek to understand them—and such is also mentions the burgeoning feminist porn about and sent in. Because it’s based on person-

“Feminist porn gives women the opportunity to shape their own sexual narratives in porn, and hopefully allows them to feel more empowered by their sexuality as these images are based in consent and genuine enjoyment.”

[15] FEATURE auckland University Students’ Association presents al stories and ideas, what is depicted is often tions of the porn industry came after porn star it wouldn’t exist. It is dismissive to question funny and genuine—and they depict consen- Stoya exposed fellow porn star James Deen for simply whether pornography is harmful; what sual relationships that offer mutual pleasure for sexual assault, and thus began a crusade of open we know for sure is that it does exist, and those the parties involved. and honest dialogue about the reality of these that work in it are deserving of the same rights POLITICS�WEEK While feminist porn largely seems par- workplaces. Her insight also brought attention that any worker in any workplace would have. adoxical, there is a quiet collection of hon- to the detrimental idea that sex workers cannot There’s no singular approach to pornography, est-to-goodness lady-friendly erotica that is be assaulted due to the nature of their work. As and its consideration should not be limited to slowly becoming more popular. There are even is so often the case in rape cases, it is the sexual just one aspect of it—and sex itself is a compli- “Feminist Porn Awards”—rebranded as the history of the victim that becomes a focal point cated, awkward, exciting, confusing, hilarious Toronto International Porn Awards—that take of the discussion, rather than the actions of the and wonderful facet of the human experience place annually to foster discussion around sexu- perpetrator. that shouldn’t be addressed with shame or dis- CARNIVAL ality as well as promote porn that is safe, diverse In an article she wrote for VICE, Stoya honesty. and creative. (I wonder if Trudeau will make an talks about how neither the crew nor the per- The future of porn is vast—and feminist appearance…). formers have any kind of union that is going to porn is an opportunity to create diverse, inno- Tuesday 30th May University Quad from 11am Feminist porn gives women the oppor- protect them from unethical or unsafe working vative, female-friendly, female-focused porn tunity to shape their own sexual narratives in conditions, and that workers like her are often that contributes to women’s sexual agency. Ad- porn, and hopefully allows them to feel more the key to inciting change. She also condemns ditionally, it has become increasingly evident empowered by their sexuality as these images painting pornography with a broad brush. Not that our willingness to engage in broad conver- are based in consent and genuine enjoyment. all poorly-treated workers are representative sation about its existence is helping to regulate Lust deconstructs the potentiality for femi- of the entire profession in the same way that it and protect workers in the industry. The de- ∏Featuring nist porn in several ways. She emphasises that well-treated workers are, and to fix structural structive side effects of porn can also surely be porn is often poorly made, and include seedy issues within the industry, their rights need to combatted by candid discussions about sexual- locations and settings which just make it seem be treated first and foremost as workers’ rights. ity—such as better sexual education, especially Carnival Rides, Inflatables, Games, Food Vendors, AND shady. Good quality porn, as its foundation, de- This means a consideration of fair pay, good in schools, which teaches consent and empha- pends on good filmmaking and therefore, good working conditions and regular access to sexual sises healthy, communicative relationships. POLITICAL PARTY REPRESENTATIVES equipment (pun intended). Porn is supposed health services. While no one should base their real-life to be an enactment of sexual fantasy, which To reinforce Stoya’s assessment, it is neither sexual expectations on porn, there is a chance is, ideally, passionate and awesome. Therefore, constructive nor is it safe to generalise the porn for porn to be influenced by real life (which is the narrative aspect is important too, necessi- industry—and it is to the detriment of the often a lot better than make-believe, anyway). tating well-rounded characters (and character workers and consumers of this content to de- Hopefully we will see an end to slut-shaming, arcs, goddamn it). Casting-wise, all performers humanise these workers by dismissing porn as or discriminating against women based on should be comfortable and happy with what purely visual and “not real”. Moreover, the con- their age, ethnicity, or sexual preference. they are being asked to act out. Lust stresses cept of feminism is complex, and personal—so As a woman (and a woman of colour, no that ethical responsibility is the biggest part of there will always be anti-porn enthusiasts who less) I will capitalise on this constant propaga- feminist porn, which includes making sure that claim “exploitation” just as there will always be tion of free speech to say this: what a woman the actors are well paid and treated fairly. porn enthusiasts who claim “sexual liberation”. decides to do with her body is her choice, and The predominant counter-argument to The middle ground here is to assume the objec- her choice alone. Once this truth factors into porn being exploitative is the perception that tives of real feminism—by not judging people every aspect of society, the existence of the fe- porn is purely performative; not real; simply a for their personal choices, and finding a way to male body won’t become so readily up for de- visualisation of a fantasy—which then puts it in establish a safe society that values equality for bate—and finally, my friends—the future will danger of being free of “real world” criticism, or all. Education reminds us that every issue is far be beautifully, frighteningly and inexorably negates the reality that the actors aren’t being more complex than we can learn from one vid- female. ◆ exploited or demeaned. Of course, this is not eo, or one person (or one article in a student true. The actors are still real people who are en- magazine), and will play an important role in SEXUALITY IS A VAST AND COMPLEX ELEMENT gaging in very real activities, and like with any how perceptions of porn unfold in future. OF HUMAN EXISTENCE AND IS DESERVING OF job or workplace, they are deserving of respect, A LONGER CONVERSATION; THIS ARTICLE ONLY As is the case with consumerism, the COVERS A SMALL SECTION OF IT. IT DOES NOT fair treatment and the entitlement to work in a product says more about the audience than it INTEND TO GENERALISE, EXCLUDE OR INVAL- IDATE THE EXPERIENCES OF ANY INDIVIDUAL safe environment. does about the manufacturers. If there wasn’t AND/OR GROUP. IT ALSO DOES NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ANY CONCLUSIVE STATEMENTS A significant discussion around the condi- a market for depictions of specific acts, then ABOUT THE SUBJECT MATTER.

Are you ready toEnrol vote inAT this POLITICS year’s WEEK general election?

E OUR VOIC COUNTS [16] auckland University Students’ Association presents FEATURE

POLITICS�WEEK CARNIVAL Tuesday 30th May University Quad from 11am

∏Featuring Carnival Rides, Inflatables, Games, Food Vendors, AND POLITICAL PARTY REPRESENTATIVES

Are you ready toEnrol vote inAT this POLITICS year’s WEEK general election?

E OUR VOIC COUNTS [17] FEATURE ART BY YOUNG KIM (@VAGUELYYOUNG) ART

[18] FEATURE

MY DATE WITH DAVID SEYMOUR Meg Williams wines and dines the ACT Party Leader to see if love was on the cards

In 2015, the New York Times published a piece and Some Preliminary Findings,” a study which I had a wild idea: what if I, Co-convener of the by Mandy Len Catron for their “Modern Love” resulted in the research subjects falling in love Young Greens, did the 36 questions with Da- column about 36 questions that can supposed- and getting married. vid Seymour, Leader of the ACT Party? Well, ly make any two strangers fall in love. The 36 The idea behind the questions is that being I’m a girl with some gumption, eager for a good questions are divided into three sections, each in a vulnerable position with another person story, so I went ahead and sent him a Facebook section getting more personal, and then to fosters closeness, and so naturally the questions message with my pitch. Now, David is well- finish it off, the pair are supposed to stare into really force you to dig deep and to feel awkward known for being a good sport, so of course he each other’s eyes for four whole minutes. Ca- and embarrassed (refer to box below). said he was keen. He did have his initial con- tron discovered these questions in a study by Catron’s article makes its way back onto cerns, however. Arthur Aron called “The Experimental Gener- my Facebook newsfeed every now and then, “What if it worked?” he said. “Then we ation of Interpersonal Closeness: A Procedure and when I saw it pop up on my feed recently, would end up as star-crossed Romeo and Juliet

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, know? know. whom would you want as a dinner guest? 14. Is there something that you've dreamt of 28. Tell your partner what you like about 2. Would you like to be famous? In what doing for a long time? Why haven't you them: be honest this time, saying things way? done it? that you might not say to someone you've 3. Before making a phone call, do you ever 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of just met. rehearse what you're going to say? Why? your life? 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing 4. What would constitute a perfect day for 16. What do you value most in a friendship? moment in your life. you? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 30. When did you last cry in front of another 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To 18. What is your most terrible memory? person? By yourself? someone else? 19. If you knew that in one year you would 31. Tell your partner something that you like 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 die suddenly, would you change anything about them already. and retain either the mind or body of a about the way you are now living? Why? 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be 30-year old for the last 60 years of your 20. What does friendship mean to you? joked about? life, which would you choose? 21. What roles do love and affection play in 33. If you were to die this evening with no 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how your life? opportunity to communicate with any- you will die? 22. Alternate sharing something you consid- one, what would you most regret not 8. Name three things you and your partner er a positive characteristic of your part- having told someone? Why haven't you appear to have in common. ner. Share a total of five items. told them yet? 9. For what in your life do you feel most 23. How close and warm is your family? Do 34. Your house, containing everything you grateful? you feel your childhood was happier than own, catches fire. After saving your loved 10. If you could change anything about the most other people's? ones and pets, you have time to safely way you were raised, what would it be? 24. How do you feel about your relationship make a final dash to save any one item. 11. Take four minutes and tell you partner with your mother? What would it be? Why? your life story in as much detail as possi- 25. Make three true "we" statements each. 35. Of all the people in your family, whose ble. For instance, "we are both in this room death would you find most disturbing? 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having feeling..." Why? gained one quality or ability, what would 26. Complete this sentence "I wish I had 36. Share a personal problem and ask your it be? someone with whom I could share..." partner's advice on how he or she might 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth 27. If you were going to become a close friend handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect about yourself, your life, the future or with your partner, please share what back to you how you seem to be feeling anything else, what would you want to would be important for him or her to about the problem you have chosen.

[19] FEATURE

with Jeanette Fitzsimons and Richard Prebble as Montague David mentioned charter schools, so I snapped us back into and Capulet.” He agreed to go ahead with it, but only do the the questions. first third of the questions, and definitely not do the staring After we’d gotten through a decent chunk of them (yes, into each other’s eyes for four minutes thing. I wasn’t too keen we had reached beyond the point David was initially willing on staring into his eyes for a whole four minutes either, to be to go with the questions, probably because I'm so darn charm- clear. ing after a few wines), we thought we should probably leave My friends were not without their concerns too. “Meg,” Spacca, having been in there for two hours. We went over the they’d say. “What if it does work?!” road to a pub to finish the questions, and to continue getting “Well,” I’d reply, “I guess I’d just have to carry out a secret sufficiently sozzled. When we got there, a fan of David’s came love affair with David Seymour.” There are probably worse over to get a photo with him, which was a little bizarre. We things, right? had a couple more beers, meaning we were up to about drink We arranged to have dinner at Spacca, a little Italian place number four or five. on Remuera Road David recommended because of the chef ’s We didn’t do all of the questions, some of them were just comical enthusiasm (as well as the delicious food). a little too personal—I don’t think either of us were prepared I arrived late because I was stuck on a bus in horrendous to share our most terrible memories with each other, and the traffic. When I did finally arrive, I had to stop myself from question about the roles of love and affection in our lives channeling my inner Julie Anne Genter and begin giving a seemed a little inappropriate. There had to be, after all, at least seminar on the state of public transport in Auckland. some level of politician-journalist professionalism. Though, I sat down and got stuck into the pinot noir David had I definitely wouldn’t say the relationship that developed be- ordered for me. Gaetano, the enthusiastic chef who David tween us was as dry as most politician-journalist relationships. reckons is straight out of the mafia (“Just look at his tat- There was one point in the night where I really was taken toos,” David said), came over and spoke at a million miles aback by David’s genuineness. One of the last few questions an hour. “Yes,” I said, not really knowing what I was agree- was, “Your house, containing everything you own, catches ing to. Moments later the table disappeared underneath fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to an abundance of beautiful Italian food. I was instantly safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would impressed—I’m terribly fussy about Italian restaurants be- it be?” I set a rule that we weren’t allowed to choose our iP- cause their food can never quite match the Italian food I hones, since iPhones are just an extension of our limbs. I said make at home (I make a damn good seafood marinara), and that I would save my teddy bear, which my dad bought for I don’t mean to turn this into a restaurant review, but shit me the day I was born, and has slept in my bed with me every this food was good. night since. David’s answer was, to be quite honest, pretty To avoid small talk and to get the conversation flowing, I gorgeous. He said that before his mother passed away a few suggested we jump straight into the questions. It wasn’t long years ago, she recorded a video, put it onto a DVD, and ad- before one of the questions led David to say something about dressed it to David’s future partner. David said that this is him not believing that the worst teacher in New Zealand what he would save. should be paid the same as the best teacher in New Zealand. “And you’ve never watched it?” I asked. Of course, what he was referring to were collective agreements “No,” he said. “Not yet.” You have to admit that that is won by teachers’ unions which guarantee fair pay for all teach- pretty adorable. ers. The socialist in me found these comments to be a bit of a The end of the night came around and we realised we had boner-killer, so I set a rule: no talking about policy. “We can taken approximately three and a half hours to not even finish save that for the 36 questions to make two people fall out of the questions, and we decided to call it a night. Tipsy David love,” I said. decided it’d be unwise to drive home, so we got into an Uber We pushed on. The whole process is only supposed to take and shook hands goodnight as he was dropped off at his Rem- about 45 minutes, but after two hours we had only reached uera flat. question fourteen. Each question would spark a new conver- I really didn’t know what I was expecting to get out of this sation; one got me talking about my mother’s breast cancer bizarre experience. What I did end up getting out of it was ac- diagnosis a few years ago, and the genetics of breast cancer, tually a nice night, with someone who was easy enough to get Nikki Kaye’s recent recovery, and got David talking about along with. Did the Co-convenor of the Young Greens and his sports car he built himself in high school. Another got the Leader of the ACT Party fall in love? I don’t think so, us talking about religion and my religious background. We but (I don’t know about David) it definitely made me realise found common ground on our respect for the Anglicans. One how possible it is to make a connection with someone, even question got me explaining Rawls to David, trying to get him if that someone is anti-unions, pro-charter schools, and once to admit that under the Veil of Ignorance he would believe compared Marama Davidson (the Beyoncé of politics and my that all resources should be distributed equally like a com- dear friend) to Trump… eek. munist paradise. We slipped back into talking about policy, He did pay for my food, drinks, and Uber home though. ◆

“‘What if it worked?’ he said. ‘Then we would end up as star-crossed Romeo and Juliet with Jeanette Fitzsimons and Richard Prebble as Montague and Capulet’.”

[20] FEATURE

AN ACTOR’S WORST NIGHTMARE Grace Hood-Edwards interviewed Caleb Wells, director of the The Faustus Project, showing at the Basement Theatre this week

Fresh from starring in TV3's Westside, director way. When you see Doctor Faustus nowadays, think it’ll be enjoyable, so no—I’m not really Caleb Wells brings an experimental, new take it’s got all these magic effects and it’s just an that nervous. What happens will happen. Even on Shakespeare’s contemporary Christopher actor reacting to fire, the devil. I never see the if it went terribly wrong, it would still be very Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus. freshness of what it really would be like jour- interesting to watch and very enjoyable. The "I wondered if there was an opportunity to neying into hell and having things spiral out of cast and the guest would find something really raise the stakes—could a show entirely rest on control. I thought what would it be like if the good out of that—and they’d get back on track a talented, but unrehearsed actor giving their actor had to feel all that stuff, and had to play off with whatever happens. There’s a lot to be done all with no safety net. That tension is infectious it live? It just developed from there. It actually this week—there’s a lot in my head, and a lot and invigorating. Faustus doesn't quite know works, so that’s comforting. riding on it—but I don’t think I’m nervous. what he's got himself into, and neither does Excited, but in a nervous way. WHO ARE SOME OF THE PEOPLE YOU’RE GETTING the lead actor. This show challenges a group of TO PLAY FAUSTUS? WHY THEM? HOW MANY DIFFERENT FAUSTUS’? EXCITED IN A NERVOUS WAY. BUT YOU HAVE NO brave, but unlucky guest actors: to tackle this IDEA WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN THOUGH? nightmare head-on and come out on top with a Five nights, five different actors. We’ve got killer performance.” Jessie Lawrence, who’s been doing some work We know what we’re doing. We know the shape With a different person playing the lead in TV and in the past two AUSA Summer of the play—obviously all the cast know their role every night, The Faustus Projectfeatures Shakespeare’s, Natasha Kay Senior, who just lines. We know what’s going to be offered to some of Auckland's best young talent with played Dromio in The Comedy of Errors Mat- Faustus, Faustus doesn’t know this. We don’t Courtney Bassett, Iana Grace, Jaime McDer- thew Kereama who was just in Boys, and some know how they’re going to handle the things mott and Kelaan Schlöffel-Armstrong, and others. They’re people I’ve worked with before that are offered to them, but we have had some guest performances from Jessie Lawrence, Arlo and I knew that they knew how to play—how dry runs with people coming in helping us out. Gibson and more. to keep things fresh, how to keep things live— It’s never quite gone the way we’ve predicted, and wouldn’t get too freaked out by the pros- but it has always been really enjoyable. I think WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO ATTEMPT THIS PLAY, OR THIS EXPERIMENT? pect of diving into this. Everyone we’ve got is that any performer in that role just wants to really excited by this kind of challenge, and the keep the play alive, and save the show, and keep I was doing some work with the Auckland audience will appreciate that as well. Everyone the play going. So they’re just willing to throw Shakespeare Company using something called loves an underdog. The actor and the audience themselves at it—something I think an audi- “cue-scripts”, which is what they used to use will experience the play for the first time, at the ence can really get behind. back in the old days. Printing wasn’t around same time, which will be quite exciting. YOU’RE RUNNING IT AT THE BASEMENT. WHAT IS that much, so rather than getting a full script, THAT LIKE AS A THEATRE SPACE? ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT THE RUN? they only got their lines and the word that cued them. Apparently they didn’t rehearse that Yes, and no. It’s my first show at the Basement It’s great. I’ve performed there a few times. It’s much, all these plays we think of—like Ham- Theatre, but there’s only so much I can direct. really nice, they’re a really wonderful team. let—were all just thrown together. I thought If something doesn’t quite go right for whatev- The space is really flexible. There’s a whole lot that sounded like a nightmare, but in a good er reason, that’s probably the nature of this. I of options in the actual theatre space that we’re

[21] INTERVIEW excited about using. It’s one of the coolest the- ment. That’s why I’m doingFaustus —a play I summons the devil so he can gain that power atres around. did know—in a new way. These old texts make and knowledge for himself. But, of course, the me feel like I’m in my element, but I’m trying moral of the story is ‘don’t make a deal with DO YOU HAVE AN AESTHETIC FOR THE PLAY? to apply new techniques or new approaches to the devil because it won’t work out well’. For a We’re not really looking for realism. We’re them to keep it fresh. That’s what brought me man with all the knowledge he had, he proba- stripping it back. The opening image is of Faus- to them—they’re comfortable, but flexible. bly should have known not to do that. But he tus in his study. Just that lone image of this one They were written so long ago that you don’t doesn’t, so we see him once he has the power man, one person at his desk, with his books— have anyone saying “You don’t have the rights and what he chooses to do with the power, and that really, really basic configuration. It’s been to do that!” and you can just do what you want we follow him all the way up until his time’s up really flexible. We’ve been using basic stuff in without being disrespectful, because there’s a and his bargain is over. It’s about how and why, interesting ways, to concoct all these different reason we still want to use them. They’re not rather than what. It’s about power and success, scenes. just 400-year-old crap; they’re good plays. I’m and about the things people will do to them. at the point where I want to test them and WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MARLOWE? DOES HE DO YOU RELATE IN ANY WAY? MEASURE UP TO SHAKESPEARE? push them. To see what they are and see how they hold up to scrutiny. I relate in the sense that you can prepare all I think he’s undervalued, but he’s very different you want for things that life’s going to throw HOW ARE YOU TRANSLATING MARLOWE’S to Shakespeare. Shakespeare’s work is brilliant, FAUSTUS INTO A MORE MODERN VERSION, FOR A you, school, saving, study, but at the end of the but very back-and-forth. It’s this whole kind of MORE MODERN WORLD? day, you’ve got no control. It’s just about how banter, and dialogue. Marlowe—and certainly The core premise of the actor having not re- you ride the waves, and how you deal with it. Marlowe’s characters—are more prone to being hearsed with the ensemble brings that in-over- How you accept the offers life throws at you. ambitious and having really good, powerful, in- your-head aspect of the original play to our My undergraduate degree is finished and I’m spiring speeches, but there’s less back and forth production. The tension between the actor stepping into the real world, and I don’t know than in Shakespeare. I think that’s the reason it performing Faustus on the night and the char- what’s going to be in there. Faustus doesn’t works. I don’t know if this experiment would acter of Faustus will be the interesting thing. know what form his devilish powers are going work with a Shakespeare play, because Shake- They may break character, and that’s okay. to take. It’s that uncertainty. We live in uncer- speare relies on the cast working together really, That’s exciting. It means you’re getting a really tain times. No one knows what’s going to hap- really well and knowing those lines, and know- organic reaction from that performer. It’s easy pen in five years, ten years—politically, socially ing that back and forth. But Marlowe is kind with plays like this to fall into more mannered, or economically. It’s an uncertain play for an of: I’m speaking to you and you’re being affect- more traditional acting styles that aren’t maybe uncertain time. What our production is trying ed by it. I’m really excited to see our cast talking as urgent and as sudden. It’s about the essence to say is, just persevere in it and you will endure. to the guest and vice versa, and just having to of Doctor Faustus—man makes a devilish bar- I hope that’s not too cheesy. listen to each other and work hard. Marlowe is gain that gets him in over his head—being par- WHY SHOULD AUDIENCES COME SEE THE FAUS- more about ambition and power, while Shake- alleled to the situation of these five actors. The TUS PROJECT? speare is more about other things. ensemble has done the work, and are thinking ahead: Faustus has to feel this, so how can we Because it’s going to be great! The magic of YOU’VE BEEN KNOWN FOR YOUR WORK WITH SHAKESPEARE—AS A MEMBER OF YOUNG make him feel that, in this particular moment? theatre is that no two performances are ever the AUCKLAND SHAKESPEARE COMPANY AND HAVE same. It’s going to be unpredictable for both the DIRECTED A FEW ELIZABETHAN/JACOBEAN PLAYS. THE ORIGINAL FAUSTUS MAKES A DEAL WITH THE WHAT DRAWS YOU TO THIS ERA, THESE PEOPLE DEVIL FOR UNLIMITED MONEY, POWER, WOMEN audience and those on stage. The only way you AND THESE PLAYS? AND GLORY. CAN YOU EXPLAIN A BIT OF THAT? can know what’s going to happen is by coming It’s just one of those things that, as I start It’s based on the legend—and there are other along and seeing it. It will be … very live. Wild, directing, I kind of fall on what I know. It’s retellings of the story—but the gist of it is that a little scary, a little funny and very enjoyable. I just kind of a niche I’ve fallen into? I’m more Faustus is a man who is incredibly successful really hope we get people who think it was ex- interested in Shakespeare’s lesser works, and and intelligent. He is a doctor at university, citing and come back on another night to see the works of other playwrights. I love Shake- and he’s got to the point where he knows ev- what someone else would do.◆ speare, but I also like novelty and new things. erything there is to know. His head is just If I read a play I’ve never heard of, like The crammed full of everything, and he just wants THE FAUSTUS PROJECT RUNS FROM 30TH MAY–3RD JUNE AT THE Atheist’s Tragedy—it was like reading a Shake- more. He wants to be the very best. He discov- BASEMENT THEATRE. BOOK $18 & $20, OR $15 speare play. A really weird Shakespeare play, ers how to become better and even more pow- CHEAP WEDNESDAY TICKETS ONLINE. but a good one. I love more and new excite- erful through magic. He uses connections and

[22] ARTS EDITORIAL

We still have a lot to look forward to—like The Bachelorette NZ With Anoushka Maharaj

Despite the fact that our interim PM is pretty 101, or the cesspool otherwise known as Roxy. eraman into the swimming pool and acciden- much a dildo and democratic engagement is in So, what kind of men could we expect on tally punch Sophie in the face. steady decline, we are very, very lucky to live in The Bachelorette, vying for the affections of Xander: The burgeoning serial killer (be- New Zealand. It’s so small that you could fit it 23-year-old, psych-student-slash-make-up-art- cause there’s always one) in your pocket, and everyone is familiar with ist Sophie from Devonport, you ask? (Shit. If each other’s therapists, but in the midst of our only I had time to figure out their star signs.) Xander will almost definitely do a magic trick tiny country there is a genuine innocence that within the first hour. He is permanently banned Casey: The guy who is obviously just there to is increasingly hard to find elsewhere—all you from Pak N’ Save after trying to sell them a promote his band have to do is turn on the news. dead sheep. Xander’s 87-year-old neighbour, At the Writer’s Festival, Roxane Gay, author One night Casey was just having a jam, and his Sheryl, speaks very highly of him. Sometimes of Bad Feminist, shared wisdoms encompassing friend Jono was like, “Why don’t you go on there they watch Survivor together and she makes how to cope with the state of the world, and for a laugh, talk about the band and maybe you’ll him kumara soup. He will also misread every- that the smallest acts can sometimes be the even get a gobby out of it”, so he turned up in his one’s discomfort as them being threatened by most powerful—but when she admitted that thrifted Radiohead tee shirt and Topman jack- his “intellectual superiority” and when Sophie she watched The Bachelor, she was met with et (it was “a gift”) and he’ll say something along inevitably rejects him, he will say, through resounding cheers and affirmations from the the lines of, “Yeah, so, I majored in uh, graphic tears, that she’s a “dumb bitch.” (predominantly female) audience. Finally, we design at AUT, and now I’m just like, seeing what Jeff Jr.: The farmer’s son who is incredibly thought. Now we don’t have to feel guilty for happens.” Casey really doesn’t believe in labels, dull but at least he’s not a murderer watching a show that perpetuates misogyny be- and he thinks you should check out his Sound- cause even cool, academic women like to watch Cloud, “ChilliNelson”, because it’s “pretty sick.” He’s not here for any shit, so you can guarantee it. She even wrote an article about it, where she that Big Jezza will be trying to fuck with him Rob: the slightly racist one who only ever provided an eloquent justification for our dis- the entire time. His talking heads will be deeply makes backhanded compliments gusting viewing habits: “It seems frivolous at best tragic, but incredibly candid, such as, “When I to care about a reality dating show. And yet, we You know the one. He’ll overuse the term “ethnic”. was about 4, m’mum got eaten by a cow, so now deserve to be entertained even as the world burns." He’s so deep inside himself that he’ll say some- I help m’dad with our family farm.” He hopes Granted, I think The Bachelorette is arguably thing obnoxious like “my LinkedIn profile” and to move to Auckland some day so that he can less oppressive and regressive than The Bachelor, equates make-up with deception. He’ll probably study sport science. Sophie will describe him because the celebration of women’s sexuality try to justify his anti-immigration comments by as, “really sensitive”, but she will end up with is something that rarely makes an appearance mentioning that he went to Bali one time with his Logan after insisting that there“just wasn’t a through such a socially acceptable medium. And “boy” Nathan. He has probably just “left” his job at spark.” this season is already an anomaly, because Amer- Deloitte (he was fired for calling the HR woman Logan: The fuckboy who thinks poor people ica’s sweetheart, Rachel Lindsay, is the first-ever a “sloppy cunt” in an email chain) and now he does brought poverty upon themselves person of colour to be the protagonist. What capoeira on the weekends. truly great strides we are making. Think of the Like, if you can afford to buy a latte then you Jesse (aka “Big Jezza”): the dudebro who is possibilities that we might have for president in can probably afford to pay your rent, whatever probably only there for the free food and al- a mere 30 to 40 years! that is. He’ll say his favourite book is Infinite cohol Anyway. In the spirit of instinctually sup- Jest (he’s lying; his favourite book is actually pressing pain with cheap comedy, I thought back His job title will be something ambiguous, the entire Chronicles of Riddick film series). He to many of the diverse and memorable encoun- like “ex-rugby player”. Big Jezza will never stop will mention how his uncle’s ex-wife was the ters that my friends and I have had in town— creepily asking “Can I kiss you?” and every time mistress of Robert Muldoon and that his dad is which felt a little like fracking for fuckboys, I’ll he’s on the piss he’ll assume everyone is trying John Key “self-made” and during talking heads admit. So basically, The Bachelorette NZ—25 to fight him, so his drunken refrain will be,“ Yo he’ll say things like “I’m not here to make friends, Kiwi dudes fighting over one Kiwi babe—would man, get the fuck outta my face, bro, I’ll fuck you I’m here to win” or, more accurately, “I’m really just be a free, weekly glimpse into Carpark, Bar up, bro”, and then he’ll probably shove the cam- looking forward to disappointing her sexually.” ◆

[23] ARTS SPOTLIGHT ART BY ISOBEL GLEDHILL (@ISOBEL_G) ART

[24] ARTS SPOTLIGHT

David Seymour’s Top Five Essential House Party Bangers By Mark Fullerton

“Hi.” “You see, this song is a perfect metaphor Track Five: “She Will Be Loved”—Maroon “Hi,” I reply. for this liberal, politically correct society we 5, Songs About Jane (2002) “Hi. Come on in!” live in. The oaks are tall by nature right? But I’m the first to arrive, clearly by quite some the maples aren’t happy because they don’t get I was under the impression I was here to hear margin. I step into David Seymour’s Remuera any sun. But what can the oaks do? NOTH- David Seymour’s Top Five Essential House Par- flat. It’s nice, but sterile. I’m here to find out ING! ‘But the oaks can't help their feelings / If ty Bangers, and now I’m eating a $5 Domino’s David Seymour’s Top Five Essential House they like the way they're made.’ It’s the natural pizza and listening to a heartbreaking ballad of Party Bangers, but the house party he prom- order.” a beauty queen of only eighteen. ised me is yet to begin. A blue balloon dangles I nod in agreement. My beer is empty, but “I haven’t been a fan since Songs Without idly next to a yellow plastic bowl filled with David is very worked up and I don’t want to Jane,” he tells me. “That’s when they peaked.” Twisties. disturb him. He stands up and belts out the I know that he means the 2002 album Songs “Don’t worry, the others will be here soon,” final verse. About Jane, but I let him continue. he says and bundles off to busy himself in the “So the maples formed a union / And de- “Maroon 5 just hasn’t been the same since kitchen. “You want a drink? Corona? Smirn- manded equal rights / The oaks are just too greedy then. It’s all about Adam Devine.” off? Water?” / We will make them give us light / Now there's I know that he means Maroon 5 frontman I opt for the beer, and he returns with one no more oak oppression / For they passed a noble Adam Levine, but I let him continue. for himself also. He smiles at me. law / And the trees are all kept equal / By hatchet, “Like, is there even a band anymore? Songs “Hi. Should we begin?” axe, and saw.” He pauses to take a breath, then Without Jane is timeless. They had grit and a sexy brushes himself down. “So yeah, that song is strut, the lot of them. And now it’s Devine and a Track One: “My House”—Kids of 88 why I don’t think Māori should be taught in synthesiser. Noise with no substance. It’s an insult I’m clutching my Corona and David is jump- schools. Drink?” to call them a band. It’s just one person, really.” ing around furiously. “I LOVE THE FEEL- The time is late and the day is Thursday and I Track Four: “Vote For ACT”—The Eversons ING WHEN YOU TOUCH ME BABY!” He am still the only person at David Seymour’s party. notices me and keeps jumping, but drops the The drink never arrives, because now The Ever- My plain cheese pizza, once slick and greasy, is now karaoke. sons come on. solid and no longer glistening. I excuse myself and “I just love the message of personal own- “It’s nice to actually have some support as David clutches my hand, his smile drops. ership! Hi! It does things to me! To my body! from the local creative community. Have you “Hi! Please don’t leave.” BOOMFA!” heard this one? Here, I’ll read out the web- I wrest myself away and head out into the site.” chilly winter night, Adam Levine’s mournful Track Two: “Taxman”—The Beatles So he does. He reads out the whole You- tones drifting out from behind the dark figure It doesn’t surprise me that David likes “Tax- Tube hyperlink, stopping only once to make in the doorway. ◆ man”. It’s a disgruntled screed against the sure that I was writing it down. I wasn’t. British tax system, and it’s written by George Then the doorbell rings and David trots off I’m sure David Seymour has more than one Harrison, and David knows enough about to answer. Finally, more guests. friend, and despite rejecting an offer from The Beatles to know that George Harrison Wrong. the Commerce Students’ Association, he does is the COOL Beatle and COOL people say David returns with a Domino's pizza box. seem like he isn’t averse to an (actual) good that George Harrison is their favourite Beatle. “I thought we’d need a bit of sustenance!” he night out. David Seymour’s actual Top Five David stands there and slowly nods his head chirped. I look at him, then at the lone pizza, Essential House Party Bangers read more like along with the music, stealing the occasional then back at him. He looks back, smiling, eyes the track listing for a Warehouse-bargain-bin sideways glance to make sure that I’m watching vacant, head on a slight angle, his tie tied mar- “Top 100 Beer Drinking Songs” CD, but each him be COOL and UNDERSTATED, just ginally too tight. to his own: like GEORGE. “You take this through to the dining room,” “Under the Bridge”—Red Hot Chili Peppers he says, handing me the ever-cooling pizza. “I’ll “What I Got”—Sublime Track Three: “The Trees”—Rush bring the beats!” “April Sun In Cuba”—Dragon Now David gets serious. He sits me down and I do, and he does. We sit down at a made “Even Flow”—Pearl Jam places a sweaty palm on my thigh. table with knives and forks and tuck in. “Burn One Down”—Ben Harper

[25] ARTS REVIEWS

You’re Welcome Ryan Adams The Total ME-tox: How Wavves GIG REVIEW BY SARAH BUTTERFIELD to Ditch Your Diet, ALBUM REVIEW BY DANIEL VERNON My love affair with Ryan started when he re- Move Your Body, & Love Another year, another Wavves album! You’re leased his cover of Taylor Swift’s album,1989 (no Beth Behrs Welcome is the sixth album from the Californian haters). His unique, no fuss approach to T Swiz- BOOK REVIEW BY JACK ADAMS indie rock four-piece, fronted by the infamous zle’s bangers softened me to such an extent that I Nathan Williams. found myself regularly listening to his other (less It’s a relief to find something so easy to read, This surprise release follows the the dark, popular) albums. yet deep enough to develop the soulful nature grunge-inspired, tarot-covered V, which was When Ryan took the stage with his greasy- needed to kick my stress and reboot my life. marred with controversy when Williams released haired, 90s aesthetic entourage, he rocked the Behrs splits her book into three simple steps. singles off the album without permission from middle-aged hipster audience (so many golf Diet, the centre of all the mind and soul, is said to his label, Warner Brothers. So it’s understand- hats omg) with some classics. But soon, all of be the key to unleashing my stress and recovering able that You’re Welcome, a self-released album his songs eventually started to sound the same. from my addiction to fast-food and couches. from Williams’ own label, Ghost Ramp, has a bit The girl sitting next to us obviously felt the same, Behrs brings an unprecedented view into more of a cheery outlook and a return to the Lo- seeing as she fell asleep twenty minutes in. After the value of movement as a method of detoxing Fi sound that Wavves built their fame on. a while you start to feel like you’re in some sort the soul. Fun living-room activities really liven I was initially skeptical of this direction fol- of Ryan Adams paradox where you’re trapped in up Behrs’ message, with step-by-step two-min- lowing the first batch of singles, “Daisy” and title your seat, in an endless loop of the same guitar ute workouts and apt inspirational propaganda track “You’re Welcome”, which sounded like off- solos and angsty wailing. Perhaps I sound too to kick start your metabolism and ward off the cuts from V and had little to offer sonically. In harsh but here’s the truth of it—I’m bloody unnecessary stresses that we all hold in our mind addition to these lukewarm tracks, the groan-in- bitter. and bowels. ducing, more-than-expected, Trump referencing As someone who first experienced Adams The final stage is love. Once revitalised, Behrs “Exercise” make up the weakest parts of the al- through the joy of Taylor Swift, it astounded pours empathy across the lacquered masses. With bum. Fortunately, though, the rest is quite fan- me that he didn’t even play ONE of her songs. agreeable bodies and licking fruit every day, we tastic. The rest of the tracks onYou’re Welcome are What’s with that, Ryan?! But that’s not even the can achieve the level of inner-beauty we all de- the polar opposite to the radio-friendly singles, worst of it! There was zero audience interaction; serve. It really is an “achievable program for look- which divert into an acid trip tour of early sixties we may as well have not existed. ing great and feeling good about yourself”. pop-rock. Finally, the guitar solos were over and Adams Behrs’ wisdom and sage stoicism, along with Tracks like “Come To The Valley”, “No left the stage with a simple “See you later!” The her stunning denim-crop combo on the front Shade”, “I Love You” and “Hollowed Out” audience roared its approval and then did the cover, is something to be experienced. It’s really sound like twisted versions of early Beach Boys polite thing—began to scream for an encore. At like she’s written this for me! Small quips and and Beatles releases. I had no idea how much I this point the girl next to me was woken from her a transparent diction lend to Behrs’ succinct wanted a mix of call-and-response, doo wop, and slumber to call for Adams enthusiastically. conveyance of a modern-day health bible. Even childish rhymes mixed into my alternate rock. For a good ten minutes the lights remained writing this, Behrs has helped me overcome the It’s an unholy union and it’s the attitude of Na- down, the audience chanting, and no Ryan. But unrelenting anguish and abhorrent self-loathing than “this is my band, and my label, so I’m going I didn’t give up hope. “It’s okay,” I soothed my that comes with Studylink’s incessant emails and to throw whatever at the wall and see what sticks” distraught, Swift-loving companion,“the lights five-figure debt. Williams that saves what could have just been an- haven’t gone up so we may get ‘Shake it Off’ yet.” If you haven’t read this yet, you are missing other lackluster alternative rock release. But then it happened. The lights went up— out. Don’t take my word for it, take Danielle If you are willing to overlook some by-the- Ryan had fucked off to Australia. The audience Lowes’ words: “I haven't read it all, but I've read a books radio rock tracks, You’re Welcome is worth booed awkwardly and half-heartedly. We cared, few pages here and there and I love it. The writing is the admission price for a magical mystery tour of but not really. funny and I think I'm going to find it really useful. what could be a refreshing new direction for this And to top it all off, my fucking car broke I like how honest she is about who she was before genre and band.◆ down in a Wendy’s parking lot. ◆ she started being healthier. Sounds just like me (the before), now I gotta be more like how she is now!” ◆

[26] ARTS REVIEWS

Roadkill “Strip That Down” Amadeus TV SHOW REVIEW BY PATRICK NEWLAND Liam Payne THEATRE REVIEW BY MARK MOCKRIDGE MUSIC REVIEW BY AIMÉE MATTHEWS I loved Top Gear. It had its ups and down, but Amadeus was the latest production by Auckland generally it was a very entertaining show with Liam Payne is the last one from One Direction Theatre Company, telling the story of the poi- high production. I do not, on the other hand, to release a single. sonous rivalry between Antonio Salieri (Michael enjoy The Grand Tour to the same degree. While And sadly, it’s the weakest one of the bunch. Hurst) and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (Ross it has all the key ingredients, it just felt a bit off, It’s the type of song that gets played in an empty McCormack). It truly shines when the talking a little too forced, and a little too scripted. The club on a Sunday night. Imagine you’re the DJ, stops and the music starts, sweeping the audience new Top Gear is worse and at best can be de- and you see the empty floor, so you play “Strip up in the most primal form of storytelling. scribed as a convincing-looking copy. That Down” hoping it will get some folks to get The best scene in the play is early in Act I, Roadkill is not scripted. It’s not forced. It’s up and dance a little. Instead, people can’t wait when Mozart takes Salieri’s own composition, two good friends playing around in cars. Amer- for the song to finish, or like me, just want to skip overhauls it, and brazenly plays it back to him, ican cars. With V8s. Hosted by two editors of to the next song. bigger and better and more beautiful than Salieri Hot Rod magazine, a typical episode of Roadkill Liam plays it safe, taking many elements of a ever could have managed. In those few incredible will involve Finnegan and Freiburger finding a generic hip-hop song. Throw in some alcohol, a wordless minutes, we understand the source of clapped-out car, preferably one that hasn’t run in girl, some references like “Bacardi” and “Ferrari”, his impotence and hate and hopelessness. twenty years, and then doing something stupid sing “yeah yeah yeah” repeatedly, throw in a rap- Sadly, for the rest of its two-and-a-half hour with it. This can be as simple as doing a full en- per like Quavos just to mix it up a little, let him runtime, Amadeus suffers from a heavy overdose gine swap in a carpark, in the snow, or as over the do the overused name-dropping in the introduc- of “tell don’t show” through Salieri’s narration. top as getting an old Nascar, taking off its panels, tion of the song, and you’ve got a simple hip-hop In one particularly egregious scene, Salieri talks and replacing them with some from a road car, song! Brought to you by a former One Direction at length about seducing Mozart’s wife... then a which in America makes it street legal(ish), and member. short scene follows where he attempts, and fails, then going for a road trip. On another note, according to Genius, this to seduce Mozart’s wife... then he talks about The key to its appeal is its honesty. You have song credited fifteen songwriters, including Ed failing to seduce Mozart’s wife. This style of sto- no doubt that these two know what they are do- Sheeran, for these kind of lyrics: “strip that down, rytelling pervades the play, right up to the final ing, and that what they are doing is real. If they girl”. Therefore, I am not entirely convinced speech, where Salieri repeats his motivations ex- fail they will show you. If (when) they break when he sings “I used to be in 1D, and now I’m plicitly for the audience before bidding us fare- down, they will show you. The show is not for en- free”, since previous 1D songs have had about five well. vironmentalists, but it’s also not for rednecks. It’s to eight songwriters per song. It’s not an unde- As for Salieri’s character, he is stagnant and ostensibly a show for car nerds. While they may sirable thing to have a team of people work and vindictive the entire runtime. There is very little do burnouts, and one of their crowning achieve- write for you, but to have that many writers on height from which to fall, no sympathy or arc for ments is making a two-tonne truck do wheelies, a song suggests he was most likely expected to an already difficult-to-like man we know is going they also go through engine buildups and show produce something because everyone from his to lose. Mozart’s journey is so much more inter- how this should and shouldn’t be done. former group except him have released singles esting, but we only see snippets. And when the two biggest car shows in the (and albums) of their own, so he got a team of Finally, Michael Hurst’s truly epic perfor- world seem to be in a rut, it is good to know that people to help him. mance would have benefitted from a little more there are some people doing things a little differ- The song’s lack of direction suggests he’s restraint, further solidifying his place as the only ently, with a lot of passion, and a fair amount of struggling to move away from his former en- “sane” man in the room among a sea of stupid duct tape and cable ties. ◆ deavour, which at least had a direction of its eccentrics. own, and is still trapped in the boy band bubble. The set is gorgeous, the music is beautiful, With “Strip That Down”, it looks like that bubble the production is outstanding, but the play itself won’t be popping anytime soon. ◆ suffers from serious character and storytelling problems. ◆

[27] ARTS SPOTLIGHT

Auckland Writers Festival 2017 In which a few of our contributors hit up this year’s AWF to review some of the incredible speakers

Teju Cole – Known and Strange Things The Great Divide – Susan Faludi, Stan === By Nikki Addison Grant, John Lanchester, and Paula Morris An Evening with Armando Iannucci By Rachel Buckman Teju Cole is my new idol. Having read Open By Malinna Liang City I was already a fan, but seeing him speak in “Tonight we’re going to solve the world’s Iannucci is a grey Scotsman in his 50s who person was a game changer. The man’s a blim- problems.” speaks as quickly as his characters, but only half min’ genius. With a PhD in Art History, Cole Unfortunately, no answers came. Turns out as acerbic—though you get the sense that he’s is a novelist, photographer, essayist and colum- that intellectuals are just as confused as your just itching for opportunity. A part of me is nist for The New York Times. Not to mention average Arts undergrad about all the shit that’s surprised that I’m surprised that the ex-show- he’s humble, intelligent, funny and effortlessly going on in world. runner of the quickest political comedy on cool. Oh, and distinguished (he even had a silk According to Grant, “There is some- TV keeps up to date with the Washington Post, kerchief ). thing the liberal elites are missing.” The panel but within 45 minutes Iannucci name-checks Cole’s works are powerfully real. He writes chucked around ideas for why people are so dis- no less than three headlines from the day and about everything from his experience as a Ni- satisfied with politics, but it was clear how little makes a joke about Donald and watersports gerian American to mob mentality and race. we understand the situation. For if we could that I wish was in Ve e p , if only for posterity. “Fundamentally, I’m an enthusiast,” he said, understand their frustration, they wouldn’t be He’s bemused by Trump, unsurprised by claiming that he only writes about things that turning to the likes of Trump. Brexit, and almost gleeful about living in a time interest or excite him. Furthermore, he writes The panel was brilliant, but left me with an where reality forces you to take jokes out for without expectation, not believing his work intense fear that the democratic political sys- fear of plagiarism. For the near future he’s look- will be sold, but rather doing it because of an tem as we know it is failing. How else do you ing back: his next project is a comedy about inner drive and passion. I could say a lot more, explain actual political experience no longer the death of Stalin. This guy made Washington but in sum… What a bloody inspiration. being a requirement to run a country? look like a sideshow; imagine what he’ll do to a === dictator choking on his own vomit.

Roxane Gay – Difficult Women === By Rebecca Hallas Chris Kraus – I Love Dick In the hour she had on stage, Roxane Gay dis- By Catriona Britton cussed her love for chubby babies (“I’m obsessed with their rolls!”); her thoughts on writing about violence against women in a way which Dear Chris, is truthful to the story but not gratuitous; I love your book I Love Dick. I loved tricking and her Marvel comic-book, World of Wakan- people into thinking I was some sort of nym- da, which features Ayo and Aneka, two black phomaniac and reading a book about dicks. women who become lovers while working as I loved watching you sign my copy and how part of the Black Panther’s security force. In I froze on the spot and didn’t say anything person, Gay is exactly the way you might imag- remotely interesting to you—just “Hi” and ine her from her writing—funny, insightful, “Thank you” (I’m an idiot). and incredibly well-spoken. I loved how Dick was the perfect listener for Her event ended with a standing ovation you. I love how you think I Love Dick being de- from the 1000+ attendees—an audible re- scribed as a fictional memoir is “icky”. I love how minder that in spite of the Donald Trumps of you are seduced by the task of finding the author the world, women are still fighting for equality somewhere in every work of fiction. I love how === you lived in New Zealand for seven years and that

[28] ARTS SPOTLIGHT you “miss how things work”, whatever that means. humble, very down to earth and happy to chat ful thing to see a panel of women take centre Lots of love (whatever that means), about all kinds of things. And despite every stage and ardently but patiently disagree with Catriona reviewer under the sun labelling The Sellout one another. While Michele A’Court, Rox- Ockham New Zealand Book Awards 2017 a satire, Beatty insists that it’s not. Definitely ane Gay and Mpho Tutu van Furth (under By Ginny W have a read of his fantastic book and decide for the guidance of Susie Ferguson’s questions) yourself. were resounding in their agreement that re- The Ockham Book Awards was a veritable cent developments in world politics were a celebration of New Zealand’s literary scene === clusterfuck for women everywhere, they were a.k.a a handful of authors pledging allegiance The Great War for New Zealand bold in their differing worldviews, and brave to Victoria University Press. VUP had its By Catriona Britton in voicing their dissent; they didn’t simply tell own Noah’s Ark of nominees in just as many us how to move forward in this difficult new categories, and since they were so critically You are in a room full of mainly Pākehā baby terrain—they showed us. lauded, it was almost inevitable that they’d boomers (and easily the youngest person there scoop up the wins in their respective catego- by thirty years) listening to two highly respect- === ries. ed academics, Vincent O’Malley and Marama The stodgy, well-received fare of Catherine Muru-Lanning, talk about the significance of Old Guard New Guard: Bird and Manhire Chidgey aside, the average age of attendees ap- the Waikato War and some of the bitterness By Mark Fullerton peared to be somewhere in the 50s. It’s proba- and uncomfortable silence surrounding it. Old Guard, New Guard—they decided in the bly just as well that there weren’t any unexpect- Only then do you realise (among other things) end that there really wasn’t any guard, but if ed winners; the omnipresent threat of a heart just how much the current New Zealand there was a guard it certainly wasn’t Hera Lind- attack lurked amongst the seats every time school curriculum has failed to ignite a passion say Bird because she barely got to talk. Despite Michele A’Court delivered one of her barking in young Kiwis for our own history. saying right from the start that “the Keats punchlines and made an old man respond with Many don’t realise the importance of ac- poem” (referred to as such because Andrew a wheezing chuckle. knowledging that this bloody and gory war Johnston apparently didn’t want to say the The ceremony was reasonably dull, the happened in our own backyard. The Waikato words “fuck me from behind” in front of a sea of crowd favourites took home trophies, and ev- War is overlooked due to a strong and recur- grey hair and me) and “the Monica poem” were eryone old enough to have got a smartphone ring focus on commemorating the Gallipoli her least favourite poems, that’s all they asked before the age of thirty had coerced each other campaign as a foundational event of nation- her about. into drunkenness out of desperation for some hood. Then her turn was over, and the most inter- entertainment. Business as usual, then. At the end of the Waikato War, the Crown esting new voice in New Zealand poetry was confiscated 1.2 million acres of land, leaving === passed over in favour of Bill Manhire and his Kingitanga iwi and hapū poverty-stricken. But latest contribution to the interminable genre of The Sellout: Paul Beatty how can we move forward from such a deep war poetry. We came back to her every so often, By Hannah Bergin feeling of loss in the Waikato if we continue to but mainly as a means to discuss the Interna- sweep the past under the rug? “Writing didn’t save my life; it gave me a life.” tional Institute of Modern Letters where she When Paula Morris asked Paul Beatty what === studied, an institution founded by whom? Bill Manhire. he meant by this statement, which he’d made Women and Power Like, props to the dude for forging a career upon receiving the Man Booker Prize for his By Samantha Gianotti novel The Sellout, there was a long pause. An in poetry (POETRY) in New Zealand (IN awkward laugh. A nervous scratch of the head. In a time when discord or disagreement seem NEW ZEALAND), but the future is now, and And then a sheepish, “Well, you have to say to result in nothing but unrest or upset or Sen- she’s sitting right next to you in a very bold, something don’t you?” Beatty was funny and ate hearings at Capitol Hill, it was a beauti- purple dress, so maybe let her speak for a bit? ◆

Marching From UOA Quad, Wednesday 31st May 2017

[29] ARTS INTERVIEW

An Interview with Mermaidens Helen Yeung chats to Gussie Larkin, frontwoman of Mermaidens, at Bestie Cafe about their upcoming New Zealand tour, current music recommendations and their upcoming album, Perfect Body

FIRST THINGS FIRST—FOR THE READERS OUT THERE WHO DON’T KNOW MERMAIDENS, GIVE US Those two feelings are quite vivid to me, but which is also in St. Kevin’s Arcade. That’s an all A RUNDOWN ON WHO YOU ARE. yeah—people can make their own interpreta- ages show as well and we’re playing with this Mermaidens are a three-piece rock band tion. GREAT under-18 band, Altered Blondes, as

from Wellington. We’ve been playing togeth- IS THERE AN UPCOMING ALBUM? CAN YOU TELL well as Eyes No Eyes. I’m looking forward to er for about four years now. There’s myself, US A BIT MORE ABOUT IT? playing to some 16 year olds! Gussie—I play guitar and sing; we’ve got We’ve just signed to Flying Nun Records and SO I UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS IS PART OF MER- th MAIDEN’S SATSUMA TOUR. “SATSUMA” IS THE Lilly who plays bass and sings as well; then we’re releasing an album on August 4 called JAPANESE WORD FOR A TYPE OF CITRUS FRUIT, there’s our drummer, Abraham. I’d describe Perfect Body. In terms of lyrical ideas it’s about SO HOW DID ALL OF YOU COME TO THIS NAME? our sound as quite dissonant and our singing our own minds, art and bodies becoming more We’ve got a song called “Satsuma”, which is is really melodic and dynamic. There’s lots of mature—and it’s sometimes about how we coming out on Friday 26th May. We’ve got lush vocal harmonies, which contrasts with the overthink everything! I think a lot of it is about a self-directed music video coming out as quite aggressive instrumental passages of fuzzy, the process of growing up. well—it’s the funnest, most colourful, sixties, reverb-y guitars. I SEE THAT THE BAND HAS BEEN PLAYING QUITE tongue-in-cheek video and we’re really proud FREQUENTLY IN AUCKLAND OVER THE YEARS. SO WHERE DOES THE BAND DRAW ITS INFLUENC- HOW DOES THE WELLINGTON MUSIC SCENE of it. We thought we’d theme a whole tour ES FROM? DIFFER TO HERE? around the colour orange—we’ve even got Lily and I have always been big fans of really I think in Wellington it’s such a small scene, some pretty great orange pants.

powerful women like PJ Harvey, Patti Smith you’re often playing to the same people. But I FINISHING OFF, WHAT ARE SOME SONGS MER- MAIDENS HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO LATELY AND and Warpaint. For our latest record we were get the feeling that in Auckland—especially WOULD RECOMMEND TO ALL OF US? really drawn to this band called Exploded in places like here at St. Kevin’s Arcade—if View and we also really like Fugazi. Lily and I you play a show there’s often people at the Oh my gosh that’s so hard, us three have all got are mostly self-taught guitarists, so I think that shows who might never have been to the ven- different tastes. But Marika Hackman’s “Open really influences my playing because it means ue before, let alone listened to some band from Wide”, love that song. I buy a lot of records so I can ignore musical theory! I think you can Wellington. It just feels more buzzing, I mean I’ve been listening to some old stuff, this band come up with some pretty weird stuff when you there’s half a million more people here as well called Captain Beyond—an awesome song is just position your hands however you want on so that’s part of it. Neither has more or less go- “Dancing Madly Backwards”. Then there’s “Or- the fretboard. ing on though. lando” by Exploded View. I’m a big fan of this

AT THE END OF MARCH THIS YEAR YOU RELEASED FOR THE GIGS YOU’RE DOING IN AUCKLAND IN band from Wellington called Draghound—I THE NEW SINGLE “LIZARD”. WHAT’S THE MEAN- THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE, WHEREABOUTS WILL ING BEHIND THIS SONG? THEY BE? ARE THERE SUPPORTING ACTS? love their song “Fuzzy in the Brain”. Another one is a band from Melbourne called ORB— I don’t really like to talk too much about the So the first one is on 3rd June, we’re playing have a listen to their track “O.R.B. (Child- meaning of songs—I like people to make their at Borderline Festival which is at Wham- hood’s End)”. ◆ own interpretation. But I guess for me “Lizard” my and Wine Cellar. It’s a festival over three connotes the feeling of craving sunshine or nights—Friday, Saturday, Sunday—we’re YOU CAN BUY TICKETS TO SEE MERMAIDENS LIVE AT THE BORDERLINE FESTIVAL OR AT THEIR OWN the feeling of melting in the sun, which is an playing on Saturday night. We’re also playing SHOW THROUGH UNDERTHERADAR ONLINE. idea that comes up throughout the new album. our own show on Sunday 4th June at Lowtide, ART BY SALLY FRASER (@ICKUS_) BY SALLY ART

[30] OUR VOICE COUNTS

Sick of elections? Why you still The four events you can’t afford to miss this week: need to vote BACKBENCHES Monday at Shadows Tired of Trump’s trainwreck, pondering also good intentions, and even good deeds, Baby Backbenches starting at 5.30pm a post-Brexit EU, wanting to go on a run- and these are often overlooked. It’s a hard Big Backbenches starting at 7.00pm walk with our own Bill, or just missing the job, and a thankless one. But thankfully, Obama-Biden memes? Elections are get- people do it, and the least we can do is en- This event starts off with Baby Backbenches. Youth- ting seriously weird and very soon we have gage. I respect Andrew Little and Bill En- wings of political parties on campus have each nom- one of our own. Sure, there was Gone-Key, glish as people but that doesn’t necessarily inated a spokesperson, and they’ll battle it out over and a few too many rounds of Labour’s Got mean I will always agree with their policies. a jug or two from 5.30pm at Shadows with our MC, Talent, but through a mad couple of years Many MPs actually get on well outside the poetry and Law Revue’s Eketahuna resident Jessie Fen- internationally, our politics have large- debating chamber and work long and hard ton. ly avoided turmoil. And after the 23rd of to try and improve our nation. This year Starting at 7pm, the Big Backbenches are coming: September, our moment to vote will have there are also awesome candidates run- with new Mount Roskill Labour MP Michael Wood, passed yet again. ning who have recently been at Auckland Chloe Swarbrick, Brooke van Velden, Tracey Martin, Uni, such as Chlöe Swarbrick and Ricardo Geoff Symonds and Leighton Baker. Wallace Chap- So what are we going to make of it? Menéndez March, as well as many more man will be hosting the event. who have been through our uni over the Last election, only 60% of young people years. Politicians are not perfect and you AUSA POLITICS WEEK under 24 voted. But our votes are import- may not always like their policies, but that CARNIVAL ant. Just look at Brexit - the decision to is why we need to vote and support those This is the biggest event AUSA has ever put on for Brexit was won by a 4% majority. But while who we believe will best lead our country. Politics Week. We will also have a political cartoonist, 36% of registered voters under 25 did not a ride-on bull, politically coloured candy floss and so vote, 90% of the registered voters over 65 One thing that I really like about our much more! The purpose of the Carnival is to encour- had their say. Elections are decided by those MMP system, compared to the American age students to enrol to vote so they can have a say in who show up. And whatever your political system, is that small parties matter politi- this year’s election. Entrance is free, all you need to leanings, certain election outcomes are not cally. If you’re feeling blue, or seeing red do is enrol! a given. Which is why we vote. this election - that’s awesome! If you align with a smaller party, voting for them also BROKE STUDENTS’ BRUNCH This year, we’re going to hear a lot of three- brings a valuable contribution to our de- We get that it’s hard to be a student, especially when to-five word slogans, we’re going to see a lot mocracy. In the 2000 US presidential elec- the Government doesn’t support all students, who of ROYGBIV t-shirts (we haven’t forgot- tion, Ralph Nader ran as an independent need it, enough. That’s why we’re putting on a free ten you, Peter Dunne!), and we may well candidate, which under their first-past-the- brunch outside AUSA house for students between see some more dildos. But we shouldn’t let post system only served to take votes away 9-11am on Wednesday with the New Zealand Stu- that drown out the big-picture issues facing from Al Gore. However in New Zealand dents Association, NZUSA. Come get some bacon us as New Zealanders. And this election smaller parties bring greater representation and hashbrowns, and help us start our political cam- looks like it might be a close one. to our system, particularly if a coalition paign this year by letting our politicians know what government needs to be formed. We have you want to see changed. Politicians get a bad rap. Not that many are genuine choice between all of the parties familiar with rap. And in fairness, politics when we vote for people to represent us in THE GREAT ANNUAL doesn’t always deserve its reputation, and Parliament. We are all affected by what the DEBATE: THE MILLENNIALS nor do its participants. Of course there are government does or doesn’t do. When we EDITION mistakes; there’s carelessness, cold-heart- vote, we don’t just vote for ourselves. Friday at 7pm edness and pig-headedness. But there are Interested in immigration, climate change, tertiary support and mental health awareness? This is our first big political debate ahead of the general election. MPs See you at AUSA Politics events this week! from our major political parties will be talking student Anna Cusack (AUSA Political Engagement Officer) issues, and all the stuff that matters to us millennials. and Andrew Bester BA (Hons) student. See them debate, and ask questions direct to the MPs. ◆

[31] OUR VOICE COUNTS AUSA endorsement of Fossil Free UoA Political FOSSIL FREE UOA AND ALANA MISSELBROOK Parties as AUSA is proud to announce our support for 1:30pm. Season 3 Fossil Free UoA, one of the movements/ clubs on campus. Fossil Free UoA is taking action on Bachelor climate change at the University of Auckland WHY? by marching to demand Vice Chancellor Stuart Around the world, institutions are stepping up Contestants McCutcheon actively support divestment from and cutting their ties to an industry that is fuel- oil, coal, and gas companies. For over two and ling runaway climate change. Here in New Zea- National as Viarni. Enjoys branding a half years, the Vice Chancellor has held back land, both Victoria University and Otago Uni- herself as strong and stable. Loyal sup- progress on divestment by refusing to support versity have made divestment commitments, but port base in the Bay of Plenty; does not the call for the University Foundations to stop despite petition of over three thousand students, care about Auckland’s housing crisis. financing fossil fuel companies. staff and alumni, the endorsement y AUSA and Fossil Free UoA are marching to demand ac- twenty-two other student associations and clubs Labour as Claudia. Never fitted into tion now – as the leader of the University, Mc- University of Auckland has refused to act on the cool group, but willing to do almost Cutcheon has to choose which side he is on: our divestment. Instead, it is pouring millions of anything to finally win. Has grown in- future, or the fossil fuel industry’s? dollars into fossil fuel extraction through the creasingly wary of foreign intruders. investments of the University of Auckland Foun- dation. Greens as Lily. Can turn on the charm WHAT? Climate change is an ever-present emergency, for the TV cameras, but absolutely still Protest march through the University, gathering but the University of Auckland is profiting from smokes the odd blunt when nobody is in the Quad. There will be placards, chants, songs it, and acting like divestment belongs at the bot- watching. Surprisingly popular at family and speakers from the broad support base of this tom of their priority list. It is time to act #ForAl- gatherings. campaign. lOurFutures. March with AUSA, Fossil Free UoA and your NZ First as Karina. Inexplicably at- fellow students and staff to demand action from tracted to older people. Doesn’t appear WHEN? our Vice-Chancellor. ◆ to want to be there, but happy to in- Gathering from 12pm with the march leaving dulge in the free travel. the quad at 12:30pm. Things will wrap up by Maori Party as Ally. Loyal support partner to other contestants. Manages to hang in there without doing really anything.

ACT as Taylar. Young, fun, wants to be the life of the party. Nobody else wants them to attend the party.

The Opportunities Partyas Bel. Obsession with cats bordering on un- healthy, but the plucky upstart many are secretly rooting for.

Conservatives as Katy. Doesn’t mind defaming other contestants to get on top.

United Future as Monique. Who?

[32] COLUMNS

Quarter-Life With Crisis Caitlin Abley

Sock It To Me Each week Caitlin, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tackles an item from her list of Twenty Things To Do In Your Twenties and tries to pass it off as journalism.

How about this weather, aye Auckland? So cold performing pair of feet snugglers and it would electricity coursing down my entire body, right you have to open the fridge to heat the house ruin my entire experience of being a twen- to the bottom of my sole. For the first time in up! Zing! So cold lawyers have their hands in ty-something. There had to be some signifi- my life, I sorted the results using the category their OWN pockets! Amirite! Colder than a cance to this particular challenge—after all, it “Price: high to low”, for this was not a moment witch’s fanny on a brass broomstick! C’mon! was on a generic lifestyle blog’s list of must-do’s. to be frugal. It was a moment to invest: to invest It’s been bloody freezing. And, as an Auck- I started dreaming about socks, waking in the in feet, to invest in happiness, to invest in life. lander, by “freezing” I mean “9 degrees Cel- dark of the night, feet quivering in anticipation Then I saw them. My destiny. A luxurious sius”. So last week seemed like the right time of the special lower-leg-cocoons awaiting them. blend of merino/possum, in fetching stripes of to try out a slightly odd challenge on my list of At last, in a moment of breath-taking ser- dusky-rose and dove-grey, down from $39.99 Twenty Things To Do In Your Twenties: endipity, I checked the “Promotions” folder of to $27.99. I heard the siren’s call of these hot Invest in some socks. my email inbox. I sifted through emails from little feety blankets, and clicked the “Buy Now” This came from the websiteGenTwenty and the University of Auckland telling me that “All button so hard my index finger cracked. I ig- seemed a little weird. Sure, socks are great— Degrees Could Find a Career in the Transport nored the $7 shipping; these socks were worth some might even say they’re a necessity, unless Industry!” (honestly get fucked) and Student- it. This was the investment that would turn my you really really like boat shoes or you’re a rank Card trying to entice me in with the subject life around. as little bastard who doesn’t mind stinking out line “We all love a big package…” (get double I waited the rest of the week in all-consum- your communal living area when you take your fucked, you weirdos) and then, I struck gold. ing torment, checking the front porch doz- wretched, befouled, naked feet out of your I opened an email from Farmers titled “Cait- ens of times a day for the package that would synthetic shoes after a long day at work—but, lin, Lingerie deals just for you” (because they’d change my life for better. I stopped using head- before this challenge, I wasn’t sure if I’d really gone through all that trouble to make deals just phones in case I missed the knock of the door; rate sock investment as an absolutely key rite of for me, plus it probably wouldn’t hurt to get a I kept one eye out the window at all times, wait- passage in one’s twenties. But the other options new bra for these wizened old acorns) tucked ing for the sensual flash of yellow and red that GenTwenty offered on their bucket list includ- away at the bottom of the email were nine would hail the arrival of the courier. ed “attend the Olympic Games” and “run a words that are guaranteed to make any girl in- Finally, the package came (and so did I). marathon”, and I’d have to wait another three stantaneously orgasm. No, it wasn’t “VIDEO: Sliding the soft, fluffy foot fondlers on for years to do the former and train for three years Tom Hardy Brings Dog As Date To Awards”. the first time was a religious experience. I had to do the latter, so buying socks was clearly the You guessed it, it was “30% off women’s sleep- found Nirvana. I went to uni feeling like I best option. wear, thermals, socks and hosiery.” was finally master of my own destiny; with my I started by doing some research—Gen- I breathlessly clicked on the link, my heart feet toasty and snug, protected against the el- Twenty told me I had to invest in some socks; racing and nether regions dripping as I wait- ements, I could walk anywhere, do anything. this wasn’t just some throwaway decision. I ed for the page to load. My toenails just about Nothing could hold me back. searched through online shopping catalogues, turned black and fell off like that time I dropped With my toes happily experiencing podiat- fingers at the ready, prepared to smash that mf a printer on my right foot, so excited were they ric bliss, I sat down to write my column. I went Add To Cart button as soon as I saw any partic- to be encased in welcoming woolly warmth. I back to GenTwenty to check that I had all the ularly outstanding foot tubes. I checked all ma- nervously navigated from “Women” to “Pant- details correct before I started drafting. That’s jor retailers, overwhelmed by the huge market yhose & Tights” to the moneyshot—”Socks”. when I noticed that they were, in fact, suggest- for cuddly toe sacks. I spent days making my A staggering 833 items met my eager eyes. I ing to readers that they should: decision; terrified that I would select an under- scrolled through, my chest heaving, bolts of Invest in some stocks. ◆

[33] COLUMNS

Amateur With Hour Jordan Margetts

Farcebook Part One, Or: Columnist Found Vomiting Out Bullshit Instead of Analysis, Immediately Employed By NZ Herald Each week Jordan, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries to impart political wisdom but mainly just cries in the shower. What shows up in the pages of this illustrious had been sold in full to Big-HR-And-Productivi- condom—safely and competently housing Mark’s magazine is dictated by a kind of Reaganesque ty-Relations-Com©. She didn’t do an MA in Cre- nacreous seed—only centimeters from the pair’s trickle-down theory of ideas. Basically what hap- ative Writing and Gender Awareness for this. She’d heaving, profusely sweating bodies. pens is X idea hits the zeitgeist (usually by way of received thirty-six consecutive emails from her boss Whilst Susan was engaged in her well-deserved academics or good, i.e. overseas, journalists) and that day: paper usage was unacceptably high; her Bacchanalian release, Jimmy one of the local ne'er starts to move down. First to the upper echelon lunch break had stretched five full minutes beyond do wells was at the Village Douche (famed Christ- magazines (London Review of Books, The New the allotted thirty; did she have capacity to do more church pub). Jimmy, taken as he was to staring Yorker, etc). Then to the middle tier Slate( , The interviews tomorrow; the petty cash is not for cro- whimsically into the night sky, was looking up from Guardian). Then to the real shit-houses NZ( nuts; please someone find the cronut culprit. She’d the front door of the Village Douche having his Herald, The Daily Mail). Then to the man in the spilt a Nespresso on her blouse, she’d been charged her seventeenth dart of the night around 9pm. After a pub. And the descent continues: the blokes at yearly overdraft fee, and she was still living in fucking concerted stare and several more cigarettes he made QF Tavern, the degenerate gamblers, the illiter- Christchurch. Susan had powered off the computer out the well shaped if slightly hirsute buttocks of ate drug addicts, the homeless. And finally, years and was beginning to contemplate the prospect of a what was apparently a young-end-of-middle-aged- later, Craccum. solo binge drink when she spotted Mark from The and-slightly-balding office manager. Well of course Around the time The Social Network hit Business Innovation and Entrepreneurship Depart- Jimmy took a few photos. And Jimmy being Jimmy cinemas (2010) the top-tier magazines were all ment sneaking out with a box of Steinlager Pure uploaded these to Facebook. clamouring to write the next big denunciation (her favourite beverage). Mark was something like As it turns out Mark was actually married (I of Facebook. We saw impressive names get in- six foot, relatively handsome (strong jaw, blue eyes, don’t believe Susan knew this, but I had a bad volved: Zadie Smith, Malcolm Gladwell, Jona- callipygean) in spite of a rapidly receding hairline feeling about that guy). Aside from it just being than Franzen. By the time I was editing Craccum and scaly hypertrophic knees that she’d had to en- generally kind of shitty that Jimmy would upload (2015) the trickle down was complete, and we dure while he strutted around in cargo shorts at the these pictures, or look long enough to figure out published a deluge of anti-Facebook techno-ter- Corporate Meditation And Very Hard Work And what was happening, I don’t know about you but ror: we declared, boldly and originally, that social Bonding And Finance Retreat. upper-story office sex doesn’t sound immediately media was bad for you, that nobody reads any- “Oi, Mark, chuck us one,” she said coquettishly. recognisable to me. What really bothered me was more, that the art of conversation was dead. Brave. “Ok,” Mark replied with his usual loquacious that I had to read about it (and in turn, I inflict it When one of our more truculent columnists prolixity. on you). Kurt Bayer penned a horrifically written declared all his readers mindless Facebook-addled I’m sure you can imagine where this is going. NZ Herald article about the event, he included drones incapable of proper syntax (you’re invit- But in case you can’t: quotes from unnamed sources, described Mark’s ed to scoff ironically as you read) I made up my Four Steinlager Pures down and Susan is getting wife’s current inability to “even speak” to him, and mind. This was just snooty ludditery completely some saucy ideas. Mark’s iridescent upper-forehead even got a few “privacy law experts” opinions, just undermined by the fact that the full Craccum (the bit where the brow lines stop no matter how to really prove the kind of hardline investigative team were having a fairly heated and sort of smart old you are, and the skin looks like expensive and journalism that goes on at the NZ Herald. (not to mention syntactically apt) argument right abundantly polished leather shoes) was looking in- And the thing is, good magazines aren’t freakin there,smartphones in hand no less. The creasingly sexy, she had a sudden impulse to lick it. much better. Cheap headlines, and top-five- issue was put to rest. The trickle had gone about Anyway, soon flirtatious banter (a mutual distaste weirdest-TV-sex-scenes galore (Guardian). But as deep as it could. for JAFAs was the ostensible topic for their sensuous still, for the last five years Facebook is where But the following cautionary tale made me symposium) turned to the subtle touch of fingertip I’ve got my news. I read more headlines than I reconsider:1 on forearm. To heavy-breathing-and-no-speaking- do articles. And if the vast conspiracy between Thirty-something and melancholy and un- during-what-would-otherwise-be-considered-an- algorithms and social media managers had their noticeable, a miscellaneous Junior HR Executive awkwardly-close-staring-contest. To that first pure way, I’d read more crap gossip dressed up as news named Susan was at the end of a shitter of a week. Steinlagery kiss. It was on. Blouses cast asunder, than I would longform. She’d almost finished typing her interview notes and buttons ripped, mutual organs-of-pleasure mutual- Epilogue filing invoices and stapling documents and making ly stimulated, caressed, licked, sucked, and viewed Notice the profound lack of analysis or discus- copious Nespressos—when the clock ticked over to approvingly. Genital to genital contact (completely sion? Yup. That’s because I used up my word 8pm and smugly declared another day of her life consensual, completely protected). Alternating turns count on gossipy bullshit that, while vapid and on top. Too-loud screaming of each other’s names. spurious, might get me a few more clicks. ◆ Alternating turns at having bare-buttocks slammed 1 All details, regarding narrative, nomenclature, and against cold office window. And finally almost porn- carnal relations are the invention of yours truly. The Recommendations: actual story is available in the recommendations section. like (that is, if porn were convincing) simultaneous Please take the following passage as a non-defamatory orgasms, and floor lying down, and cuddling under “Wife sees Christchurch office sex-romp -im attempt to make a point. Also the story is actually from ages on Facebook”—Kurt Bayer, NZ Herald. 2015—but is now back on my Facebook feed. a pile of sullied clothes with the used-but-unbroken

[34] COLUMNS

With Wired In Rachel Berryman

Sign of the Times Each week Rachel, social media enthusiast and online lurker extraordinaire, keeps you in-the-know about what is topical and trending across the world wide web.

WARNINGWARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE, VIOLENCE AND SELF-HARM

If there was one thing I learnt from frequent- In response to the recent surge in such hor- wealth of questionable content moderators are ing the Neopets forums in 2006, it was the rific events, Mark Zuckerberg announced in required to wade through every day; according importance of good moderators. Now, more early May that Facebook would be hiring 3,000 to The Guardian, it is not uncommon for mod- than a decade later, it would appear Facebook new staff members to assist their community erators to have just ten seconds to make a de- has come to the same realisation—but unlike operations team to “review reports of objec- cision about whether a given piece of content the Neoboards, where second-gen emojis and tionable content, including live video” more is in breach of the guidelines before moving to ~*~LyRiCaL sIgGyS~*~ reigned supreme, for efficiently and comprehensively.2 the next case. What’s more, as Rebecca Ruiz Zuck & Co., the stakes are much, much higher. “These [extra] reviewers will help us get bet- from Mashable cautions, such relentless overex- Last week, Nick Hopkins at The Guard- ter at removing things we don't allow on Face- posure to distressing and disturbing content is ian published an exposé revealing the internal book like hate speech and child exploitation,” also likely to have serious implications for the guidelines followed by Facebook’s community Mark detailed in a public status posted to his mental health and personal well-being of the moderators, comprehensively extracted from Facebook page. “We’re [also] going to make it individuals doing the moderating. more than one hundred training manuals simpler to report problems to us, faster for our But to what end? As Hopkins’ article reveals, leaked to the publication.1 Throughout, Hop- reviewers to determine which posts violate our Facebook’s pledge to hire 3,000 new moderators kins sheds light on the protocols Facebook standards and easier for them to contact law is no guarantee that graphic depictions of violence endorses around moderating content which enforcement if someone needs help. As these and death will no longer be circulated upon the depicts, enacts or is related to “violence, hate become available they should help make our site, precisely because the company’s protocol for speech, terrorism, pornography, racism and community safer.” moderating this type of content does not pro- self-harm”, noting, for example, that the com- These promises were thrown into sharp hibit, but rather may plausibly allow it to remain pany’s training manuals include instructions relief, however, by The Guardian’s public inter- live. According to the training manuals viewed about how staff should approach incidents rogation of the so-called “Facebook Files” last by Hopkins, “[v]ideos of violent deaths, while ranging from “match-fixing [to] cannibalism”. week, which revealed the ambiguity and com- marked as disturbing, do not always have to be However bewildering it is to admit, these plexity of the standards Facebook trains its staff deleted because they can help create awareness horrifying topics are firmly within the realms to uphold. According to the leaked guidelines, of issues such as mental illness.” He later adds of possibility of what Facebook’s moderators for instance, excessively violent remarks may that “Facebook will allow people to livestream are likely to encounter on a daily basis—plainly be permissible so long as they are not viewed attempts to self-harm because it ‘doesn’t want to evidenced by the devastating number of Face- as “credible threats”; Facebook moderators re- censor or punish people in distress’.” book Live videos that recently gained notoriety sponding to reports of violent language must At a time when the visibility and virality for broadcasting homicidal and suicidal acts. In discern whether it is indicative of heightened of violence is greater than ever before, such a number of cases, these videos remained on (momentary) emotional expression or a pre- rulings raise urgent questions about the obli- the platform for hours after the live broadcasts cursor to an actionable violent offence. gations of social media platforms to control ended; reports about the graphic nature of the If you’re confused about how an individual the deluge of information uploaded to them, content were directed into already overflowing detached from the situation, with no knowl- as well as the ethics around employing others inboxes while the videos spread across the site, edge of the backgrounds or dispositions of to do so, and the balance their actions must appearing without warning on the News Feeds those involved, could possibly make that sort achieve between respecting and protecting the of thousands of unsuspecting users. of call, you’re not alone. interests and safety of their users. ◆ With an average 1.28 billion daily users as In contrast to the algorithms which mistak- IF YOU WERE AFFECTED BY ANY OF THE TOP- of March 2017, it’s entirely unsurprising that enly censored LGBTQ-related video content ICS DISCUSSED IN THIS COLUMN, OR ARE CON- CERNED ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, THE UNI- Facebook is struggling to moderate each piece for viewers using YouTube’s family-friendly Re- VERSITY OFFERS FREE COUNSELLING SESSIONS of content uploaded to the site. Acknowledg- stricted Mode, Facebook’s moderation efforts FOR ENROLLED STUDENTS, AND RESERVES SLOTS FOR URGENT ON-THE-DAY APPOINTMENTS. ALL ing as much, however, does nothing to negate rely almost exclusively on human perception, COUNSELLING IS CONFIDENTIAL. FOR URGENT ON-THE-DAY APPOINTMENTS, PHONE (09) 923 the very real impact of these tragedies—both judgement and reasoning—and are, therefore, 7681. TO BOOK A FREE COUNSELLING APPOINT- for those personally involved and those who entirely vulnerable to human error. MENT, YOU CAN FILL OUT THE QUESTIONNAIRE ON THE COUNSELLING SERVICES PAGE ON THE happen upon their digital documentation. This precarity is further exacerbated by the UNIVERSITY WEBSITE.

LIFELINE ALSO OFFERS A FREE 24-HOUR HELPLINE 1 Hopkins, Nick. “Revealed: Facebook's internal 2 Ruiz, Rebecca. “How Facebook hires and trains its 7 DAYS A WEEK FOR COUNSELLING SERVICES rulebook on sex, terrorism and violence.” 3,000 new moderators matters, a lot.” 4 May, AND ASSISTANCE FOR THOSE AT RISK OF SUICIDE: The Guardian. Mashable. 0800 543 354. 21 May, 2017. 2017.

[35] COLUMNS

How to Talk With About Sport Mark Fullerton

The Lions are coming! The Lions are coming! Each week Mark, disgraced former-editor-in-chief, tries desperately to justify to himself that he knows enough about sport to warrant a weekly column, and have you noticed how his columns are always way shorter than the others?

The Lions are touching down very soon. Not that tear and Tana Umaga’s men were unable to con- shaw was heard screaming “PAYBACK, BITCH!” you’ll be hearing much more about it from me. In tain a rampant second-half Lions assault, but the as the golden-haired youngster lay prone on the a remarkable coincidence, the Lions squad will play New Zealand public, being generally aware that field. – Dylan Cleaver their first game at the end of this week which, even the Blues were never going to win, don’t really care. 24th June 2017: Lions v All Blacks 3–12 were it not my break next week, I would still be Enjoy your victory at Eden Park, fuckers, coz it’s the BYE BYE BARRETT: In a typically stodgy mid- unable to cover due to the vagaries of student dead- only one you’re gonna get. – Dylan Cleaver year All Blacks performance consisting only of lines and the magazine being sent to print on the 10th June 2017: Lions v Crusaders 8–47 penalties, Beauden Barrett missed seven from Thursday. Their last game is the last weekend of the NO MO’ MO’UNGA: The men in red and black the tee before breaking down in tears and totally holidays. Foiled again. pummelled the men in just red, giving the tourists fuckin’ decking Dylan Hartley and being handed So, in good news for not-being-distracted- a dash of southern hospitality in the form of an a three-week ban. THAT was an anticlimax. – by-getting-rekd-watching-the-rugby-when-you- absolute pantsing. First-five Richie Mo’unga, after Gregor Paul should-be-studying, the Lions tour will take place a mercurial first half, was stretchered off the field af- almost entirely in the inter-semester break. Where 27th June 2017: Lions v Hurricanes 5–19 ter a suspected act of digital sodomy. – Gregor Paul that leaves a sports columnist, though, is in a not LIONS BLOWN AWAY IN CAPITAL: A game very good missing-out-on-covering-a-once-in- 13th June 2017: Lions v Highlanders 13–39 happened, and the right team won. Write your twelve-year-event place and means that I can make LIONS CHEESE-ROLLED, BANKS CHEESE- own fucking stories, cunt. – Nigel Yalden my columns re-debut just in time for—oh wait, ROLLS ANKLE: Clearly struggling after their 1st July 2017: Lions v All Blacks 11–51 what? MORE SUPER RUGBY.1 spanking at the hands of the Crusaders, the Lions ADIOS AARON; SO LONG SOPOAGA: When, Luckily though, we have a fairly good idea of were rolled like a cheese roll in the Edinburgh of Lord, O when will this tour end? Gregor Paul is how it’s going to play out because the All Blacks the South and the Highlanders juggernaut rolled crying in the corner. Aaron Cruden got drunk and are COOL and the Lions SUCK. Here’s how we them like a cheese roll. The only low point was stormed off to Auckland Airport, determined to think it’s going to go down. an injury to first-five Marty Banks, who rolled his make the Buenos Aires flight, not realising he was ankle on a stray cheese roll thrown by a passionate 3rd June 2017: Lions v New Zealand Provincial three years late. RUGBY EDITOR FOR RADIO cheese roll fan. – Nigel Yalden Barbarians, 382–5 SPORT & NEWSTALK ZB NIGEL YALDEN LIONS ROAR IN OPENER: The British and 17th June 2017: Lions v Māori All Blacks 0–0 has taken to wearing giant prosthetic hands “to Irish Lions have opened their 2017 tour of New ULTIMATE EAGLES SHOW DAZZLES: Don keep up with these massive fucking word counts Zealand with a resounding win over the Provin- Henley may not have been present, but it sure that no one will ever read.” Lima Sopoaga abruptly cial Barbarians side, but the New Zealand public, didn’t feel like it as both the Māori All Blacks and left the game to become a cloistered nun. Wynne being generally unaware of the existence of such a the Lions enjoyed a fantastic night of Eagles-esque Gray hides in doorways and throws himself at side or a city called Whangarei, supposedly north entertainment at the Auckland Town Hall, before passers-by, screaming wildly about volleyball. And of Auckland, don’t really care. Try again, sweeties. bumping into each other on the stairs and realising I? Who am I? I am Dylan. I am Death. – Dylan – Gregor Paul that shit, they were meant to play a game that night. Cleaver – Gregor Paul 7th June 2017: Lions v Blues, 45–34 8th July 2017: Lions v All Blacks 0–29 PIERS OFF—FIRST-FIVE FALLS AS BLUES 20th June 2017: Lions v Chiefs 22–55 COMETH THE MAN, COMETH THE BLOW IT: Piers Francis suffered a horror scrotal HORROR IN HAMILTON: MCKENZIE HOUR: Six years after his Eden Park heroics, and OUT: That the Chiefs won was no real surprise, again facing a first-five crisis of biblical proportions, coming off the back of their 2016 mid-week win Stephen Donald returned to the fold to lead the All 1 Last week I bemoaned the never-ending run of “This against Wales, and the fact that the Lions are essen- Blacks to a historic series victory. In scenes reminis- Is How The Finals Would Look If The Competition Ended Today” articles appearing online. Well, now we’ve tially Wales feat. special guests. What was shocking cent of Dan Carter’s 2005 effort, Donald scored got far enough through the competition where RUGBY was the ever-growing injury toll, with Damien two tries and landed 100% of his kicks, convert- EDITOR FOR RADIO SPORT & NEWSTALK ZB NIGEL YALDEN (NZ Herald‘s capitals, not mine) can McKenzie taking a brutal spear tackle in the open- ed fuckin’ everything that came his way and was now be confident in predicting the final rounds. And ya ing seconds. While no Lions players have been doused in Gatorade at the end. See you in twelve know what? The Finals Look The Fucking Same As If The Competition Ended Today. cited over the incident, Ireland centre Robbie Hen- years. – Stephen Donald ◆

[36] Baby’s bottom sudoku Kisses and Quizzes QUESTION MARK’S CORNER EASY (ONE POINT) 5 1 7 4 1. F is the chemical symbol for which highly volatile element? 2. Rumpelstiltskin is the primary antagonist in which of the Shrek films? 7 4 9 6 2 3. “Enter Sandman” was the breakthrough single for which heavy metal band?

2 7 MEDIUM (TWO POINTS) 4. Etihad Stadium is the home ground of which English Premier League 9 6 5 2 8 team? 5. Davey Jones is the captain of which legendary ship? 1 8 7 3 6. Laolongtou, or “The Old Dragon’s Head”, marks the end of which his- torical structure? 7. Idi Amin, dictator of Uganda between 1971 and 1979, was the subject 2 3 of which 2006 film starring James McAvoy? 5 1 HARD (THREE POINTS) 8. North Dakota is home to Mount Rushmore—true or false? 9. Katy Perry is reportedly being paid $35 million to appear on what real- 6 ity TV show? 10. Simon Zebo missed the cut for the British and Irish Lions squad. What 9 2 3 country does he call home?

ROCK SOLID SUDOKU Herald’s Heroes Every week we’ll trawl the comments section of the NZ 3 4 Herald Facebook page to find the hilarious, the repulsive, and the outright absurd. 3 7 9 6 5 9

5 2 8 4 Just as old mate in Israel didn’t hide his feelings when the POTUS thought that he wasn’t in the Middle East, neither did Brent. To be honest though, 9 1 7 Brent would probably Rather Be Listening to Grammy-Award Winning 1999 Hit “Smooth” By Santana Feat. Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty 4 8 6 3 while working on his Mt-Everest-cum-Empire-Strikes-Back themed terrar- ium. ◆ 9 1 4 5 7 4

7

American Idol American , as lead judge 10. Ireland 10. judge lead as ,

The Last King of Scotland Scotland of King Last The 8. False 9. 9. False 8. 7. China of Wall Great The 6. Dutchman Flying

Shrek Forever After After Forever Shrek 3. Metallica 4. Manchester City 5. The The 5. City Manchester 4. Metallica 3. 2. Fluorine 1. Answers:

[37] the people to blame. EDITORS Catriona Britton & Samantha Gianotti [email protected]

SUBEDITOR Hannah Bergin

DESIGNER Nick Withers

SECTION EDITORS News Eloise Sims Community Rebecca Hallas Lifestyle Nikki Addison & Grace Hood-Ed- wards Features Ginny Woo Arts & Culture Anoushka Maharaj Columns Caitlin Abley Games Mark Fullerton Visual Arts Isobel Gledhill

WRITERS Caitlin Abley, Jack Adams, Nikki Addison, Hannah Bergin, Rachel Berryman, Catriona Britton, Rachel Buckman, Sarah Butterfield, Mark Casson, Mark Fullerton, Samantha Gianotti, Jack Gradwell, Rebecca Hallas, Grace Hood-Edwards, Laura Kvigstad, Malinna Liang, Jordan Margetts, Anoushka Maharaj, Aimée Matthews, Danielle Maynard, Mark Mockridge, Patrick Newland, Holly Russell, Eloise Sims, Daniel Vernon, Meg Williams, Ginny Woo, Helen Yeung

COVER ARTIST Sally Fraser

ILLUSTRATORS Sally Fraser, Mark Fullerton, Samantha Gianot- ti, Isobel Gledhill, Young Kim, Nathan Wood, Julia Zhu

SHADOWS “CONTRIBUTOR OF THE WEEK” Mark Casson

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