Jul Aug 2016 Newsletter WEB VERSION

JUL/AUG 2016

Bereaved Parents of the USA Anne Arundel County Chapter

Our Children Remembered With you went so much of me…

Eric Eugene Maier 8/8/1961 - 7/5/1984 “For our wonderful son”

Tria Marie Castiglia 7/6/1963 - 10/14/1984 In memory of our dear Tria. Love forever, Dad, Mom and sister Carla. We miss her every day and one day we will be together forever. JUL/AUG 2016

Healing with my Hands

In September of 2010 my 25 year old son went into the hospital with a flare up of the Crohn's disease that had been interfering with his life for over 12 years.

We expected a 3-4 day stay which was his norm. After a few days of fluids and steroids he would be on his way to a quick recovery. What really happened is that he barely made it home after 2 1/2 months of intensive care and rehab, multiple surgeries, dozens of procedures, a weight loss of 50 pounds and the loss of the life he knew. For this Mama it was the most frightening, agonizing, and heartbreaking time of her life.

I plummeted into a dark abyss of which I had never experienced before. Fear and anxiety plagued my every waking moment. Without the aid of a sleeping pill, it also visited me in my sleep. When Tommy died suddenly in March of 2011, I fell even deeper into the abyss. I cared not for surviving and thought endlessly of joining him. Along with my intense need to see him again, my heart and soul needed a respite from the excruciating heartbreak. My every thought was of my son and what had happened to him. My unkind brain had stored every image of his suffering and relentlessly ran these images in an endless loop of torture and despair. The only way out of this nightmare, to me, was to join my son in his new Heavenly home.

About a year later an article in the local newspaper somehow caught the attention of my fog filled brain. A local woman had opened a furniture shop in a nearby town and filled it with worn-down antiques painted in chalk paint. Eventually I found myself at the shop, very eager to see it. The shop owner enthusiastically shared with me how it was done. It was amazing how beautiful everything looked. I went home and immediately started researching Annie Sloan chalk paint. An intense need to try it myself began to emerge. Armed with my first can of paint, I found some worn- down pieces and set out to make them beautiful again.

And an astonishing thing happened. The endless loop in my brain was interrupted with thoughts of color, design and technique. I became hyper-focused with the project at hand, critiquing every brush stroke, paying attention to the littlest detail. Not being artistic or creative, it would take me many hours to complete a project. I would glance at the clock and be shocked to see that 3-4 hours had passed and I was still alive and yes, even breathing. After two years of nothing but darkness, I now saw blues, greens, reds, and every color in between. I soon discovered that, while tragically not able to save my son's life, I was instead, able to restore a forgotten, once loved, piece of furniture. Though I am in no way comparing my precious son's life to that of a piece of furniture, with that discovery came healing and hope. Though still emerging from the darkness, light and colors have replaced most of it. And for that I am forever grateful.

Mary Redmiles

Mom to Tommy, forever young ♥ JUL/AUG 2016

Public Unawareness

I am always amazed that we can put a man on the moon, send documents across the world in minutes, leave messages on people’s machines, and the list goes on. Yet, the general public (especially the new media) sticks to the idea that grief is a ﬂeeting emotion that passes in a few weeks or months.

I am referring to the many commentaries that have inaptly characterized the families whose loved ones died in the Oklahoma City bombing. Several television reports declared that it will take weeks, or maybe months, before the families “will get over this”. Please! We know better. It seems that the old cliche’ “until you have walked a mile in my shoes” holds much wisdom.

There is no getting over the death of one’s child. Those of us who are old in our grief have learned a new kind of tolerance for such statements. For you who are new in your grief, we understand how such statements hurt and undermine your own emotional healing. You are made to feel even more weak, and somehow not as capable as others.

It’s a slow and painful process that brings us ﬁnally to an acceptance, perhaps. But it cannot be said that that any parent is every over it. Grief recovery, if I may use that term, is the result of eventually coming to a deeper understanding of life, its meaning, and death’s rightful place in it. Out of all the pain and sorrow, bereaved families do ﬁnd peace and a new compassion we may not have known before.

For all newly bereaved families, cry your tears, unleash your rage, lean into the pain, feel all your emotions. Most of all, hold on to your children in your hearts, hold on to your memories, With lots of time, you will see through more knowledgeable eyes, more loving hearts. ~Shirley Carrigan, BPUSA, Denton, TX Reprinted from “Where Are All the Butterﬂies” JUL/AUG 2016

NATIONAL BEREAVED PARENTS MONTH

July is recognized as National Bereaved Parents Month. The loss of a child is the most inconsolable of losses to deal with. It violates the natural order of things and it’s not fair for an innocent to see their dreams unfulfilled. As parents, we feel we are solely responsible for the well-being of our children and we may feel like we have failed and let our child down.

There are so many expressions of grief after the loss of a child, that often it is hard to sort out how a bereaved parent is really coping. These are a few of the expressions described at http://www.kulkkula.com/bereavementawareness/parents.htm:

Disbelief: Often people will comment on how well they are doing, but it could be, they just don`t believe that it has really happened.

Shock: The bereaved parent may feel or appear disoriented, restless, numb, bewildered, stunned and unable to think.

Sobbing/Crying: Sobbing is helpful to cry to release all that pent-up emotion.

Physical Symptoms: The bereaved parent may lack or have an increase of appetite; sleeplessness or oversleeping; knot or emptiness in pit of stomach; tightness in throat; shaky legs; headaches; trembling; chills; fatigue; chest pains; general achiness; difficulty swallowing and/or speaking; digestive disorders (indigestion, nausea, diarrhea); feeling weak or faint; tension; slower in speech or movement; temporary paralysis of limb or sight. Denial: The bereaved parent may subconsciously be searching for their child when out in a crowd or when they open the door.

Why?: “WHY” seems to need to be asked repeatedly in an effort to make sense of the loss.

Repetition: The bereaved parent may repeat the same things to the same people.

Reality of Death: This is a frightening time as it may seem as if the bereaved parent is going backwards.

Confusion: The simplest decisions may seem impossible and the bereaved parent may have difficulty concentrating.

Idealization: The bereaved parent may only see their child as perfect and may compare themselves or others to that loved one.

Identification: The bereaved parent may seek to identify with their child by wearing their clothes or taking up a sport they liked.

Anxiety/Panic: The bereaved parent may fear being alone or be worried about the future. They may feel like they are losing control or are “going crazy.” JUL/AUG 2016

Bargaining: The parent may try to bargain with God that “things will be different;” or that they will try to be a better person if only their child can be alive again.

Depression: Sometimes the bereaved parent may hurt so much that they just don’t care about anything. It may be an effort just to get out of bed, to shop, or fix a simple meal.

Relief (Laughter): This phase comes and goes and the bereaved parent may be able to recall the fun times.

Lowered Self-Esteem: A bereaved parent’s confidence is often undermined.

Preoccupation: The bereaved parent may think of nothing but the loss.

Guilt: Bereaved parents tend to blame themselves for something they did or didn’t do that may have contributed to the death, or for things that wished that they had done for their child.

Anger: Anger is normal. Pushing down anger is harmful.

Loneliness: The bereaved parent may feel intense loneliness due to the absence of their child, because they are unable to share thoughts and feelings, to touch, or to be understood.

Despair: The bereaved parent may feel as if there would be little difference if they lived or died. They may have suicidal thoughts.

Sadness: These feelings seem to pervade their life.

Helplessness: The bereaved parent may feel that they are unable to help themselves or others cope, or get better.

Envy: They may feel jealous of people who still have their child.

Frustration: They may be disappointed that they are not coping as well as everyone thinks they should.

Resentment/Bitterness/Hatred: Bereaved parents may feel resentful about the death and their changed circumstances.

Limbo: The bereaved parent may reach an in-between point between the reality of death and the point where life seems worthwhile again.

Hope Emerges: The good days outbalance the bad days and they may feel encouraged that they will get better.

Missing: The bereaved parent will always miss their child and special events may trigger the feeing of longing even more. JUL/AUG 2016

Struggle with New Life Patterns: The bereaved parent starts to rebuild a new life that will be different but can be enjoyed.

Life is Worth Living: Eventually the bereaved parent may be able to think and talk about their child with happiness and a sense of peace.

Pride: The bereaved parent may overcompensate for how they are really feeling or may not ask for help and can complicate the grief process.

~http://worksmartlivesmart.com/bereaved-parents-awareness-month-july/ #rememberingallgrievingparents

INTERNATIONAL OVERDOSE AWARENESS DAY

International Overdose Awareness Day (IOAD) is a global event held on August 31st of each year and aims to raise awareness of overdose and reduce the stigma of a drug-related death. It also acknowledges the grief felt by families and friends remembering those who have met with death or permanent injury as the result of a drug overdose.

Wear silver to show your support. http://www.overdoseday.com #rememberingchildrenlosttooverdose

JUL/AUG 2016

Rare Bird by Anna Whiston-Donaldson

"I wish I had nothing to say on the matter of loss, but I do. Because one day I encouraged my two kids to go out and play in the rain, and only one came home…."

On an ordinary September day, twelve-year-old Jack is swept away in a freak neighborhood flood. His parents and younger sister are left to wrestle with the awful questions: How could God let this happen? And, Can we ever be happy again? They each fall into the abyss of grief in different ways. And in the days and months to come, they each find their faltering way toward peace.

In Rare Bird, Anna Whiston-Donaldson unfolds a mother’s story of loss that leads, in time, to enduring hope. “Anna’s storytelling,” says Glennon Doyle Melton, “is raw and real and intense and funny.”

With this unforgettable account of a family’s love and longing, Anna will draw you deeper into a divine goodness that keeps us—beyond all earthly circumstances—safe.

Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning by Dennis L Apple

This is a book about facing impossible circumstances and wanting to turn back the clock. It is about the flicker of hope in realizing that in times of heartbreak, God is closer than your own skin. It is about discovering that you’re braver than you think. On the morning of February 6, 1991, Dennis Apple discovered the lifeless body of his son on their family room couch. Eighteen-year-old Denny had died without warning from what was later explained as complications due to Mono. Sixteen years later, Dennis still struggles with living in a world without his son.Life After the Death of My Son shares a glimpse of the unspeakable pain, helplessness, frustration, and eventual healing that Dennis and his wife, Buelah, have experienced since losing their son. Using excerpts from his journal—which he began the day after Denny died—Dennis explores the dark, lonely road of grieving for a child. He discloses his anger and disappointment with God, discusses his frustrations with friends and family, and shares how he’s dealt with the grief attacks, which continue to sneak up and surprise him. His painful, yet promising story offers comfort and connection to those walking similar paths. With understanding and compassion, Dennis offers grieving parents insight from 10 lessons he’s learned—and continues to learn. His gentle words and honest understanding will guide those with grieving hearts on their difficult journey; giving them hope; helping them to discover ways in which God is able to continue the life of the child they loved. JUL/AUG 2016

Speak Their Name I am sending a dove to Heaven, Someone I love has gone away with a parcel on And life is not the same its wings. The greatest gift that you can give Is just to speak their name Be careful when you I need to hear the stories open it, it’s full of beautiful things. And the tales of days gone past I need for you to understand Inside are a million kisses, These memories must last wrapped up in a million hugs. We cannot make more memories Since they’re longer here To say how much So when you speak of them to me I miss you It’s music to my ear ~ kp2013/Out of the Ashes/FB and to send you all my love. I hold you close within my heart and there you will remain. To walk with me throughout my life, One of the worst pains is when until we meet again. you can ~Author Unknown physically feel your heart breaking. ~www.sayinggoodbye.org

I only miss you when I’m breathing… JUL/AUG 2016

The Gift of Being A ‘Replacement’ Child

I grew up believing that I was a replacement child, for I was given life after another child lost his: a brother my family loved and missed, and whose absence cast an obvious shadow over my grieving mother’s heart. Nicky, her oldest son from another marriage had died suddenly at the age of ten, a year before I was conceived. As my mother explained, his unexpected death was the reason that my parents made the decision to have me, their one last child.

My parents’ marriage was a second one for both and together they formed a stepfamily made up of ﬁve spirited children. The arrangement was fraught with all the inherent challenges of blending recently divorced families and the turmoil of children whose lives had been dramatically rearranged. Partly in an eﬀort to cement their new stepfamily, my parents soon had a baby boy of their own. With so many kids in the mix and money tight, he was to be their one and only child together.

Then tragedy struck when Nicky drowned in a pond during a family visit to the country. My mother was devastated. By her telling, it was my parents’ now one-year-old baby boy who saved her from sinking into the depths of fresh maternal grief. His smiling face and the immediacy of his needs were her main connection to the present. It was only logical that my parents chose to have one more baby to ﬁll the hole in the family created by Nicky’s death. And so I was conceived.

My mother used to tell me this origin story as I was growing up, I suspect because she saw my role in our family as a gift and a source of joy, delivered in the aftermath of tragedy. But I was confused and guilt-ridden. Trying to make sense of this information, I figured out that because I was grateful to have been born, I must have been glad that Nicky had died. Adding to this muddle, my mother seemed at a loss for ways to openly carry on her love for Nicky, or to honor his life. There had been no funeral or memorial service when he died. His cremains were buried on his paternal grandmother’s property, hours from where we lived, on land that was eventually sold off to strangers. There was no shared recognition of Nicky’s birthday or death date, nor did any bench, tree or scholarship fund bear his name. I could see the effort it took my mother to talk about her beloved son and I was acutely aware of the sadness in her voice when she said his name.

Trying to understand this dead boy with whom I shared an unusual connection, I looked closely at pictures of Nicky in family albums and framed on the wall above my mother’s bed. It scared me to think that a child’s life could leave so little mark upon the world aside from my mother’s quiet, piercing pain.

With few clues to help me understand who Nicky was, I yearned to learn more. In my egocentric child’s view, it was clear that I alone was left out of this part of our family’s history; me, the replacement child who owed Nicky for my life. Would he have liked me, I JUL/AUG 2016 wondered? I think I hoped to be worthy of the life that my unknowable brother had inadvertently bestowed upon me.

I developed a preoccupation with death that gripped me with fear as I lay in bed at night. I imagined myself dead and gone, the world spinning on forever in the vast nothingness of space, no trace of my life or any meaning that it might have once held. I lay bathed in sweat and stricken with fear that when death inevitably came for me, I would be lost forever — just like Nicky.

As I grew older and developed an adult’s understanding of the diﬃcult situation my parents faced, I slowly began to make peace with my relationship to Nicky. I surmised that my parents’ inability to include Nicky’s memory in our lives might have been partly due to an era in which death was less talked about, especially the tragic loss of a child. From what I understand and remember of life in the seventies, there were fewer avenues for family members to openly process their grief.

It does not have to be this way, as I learned ﬁrsthand in a heartbreaking turn of events that brought my story full circle. My husband, kids and I became close with a couple whose only child (at the time) had recently died under sudden and tragic circumstances. In the aftermath of their devastating loss, our new friends shared some of their grief with us. They told us about their beautiful daughter and accepted our attempts to oﬀer comfort — which mostly just meant listening. We grew so close that we felt like family by the time they gave birth to a new baby, a couple of years later.

She is a delightful toddler now, and being close to their family has allowed me to see how the joy and innocence of new life can be a balm on the wounds of grieving parents. Of course, our friends will forever grieve their irreplaceable ﬁrst daughter, which is why their ability to truly embrace their second child is so profound to witness. They do a beautiful job of parenting both their children: their deceased child’s photographs and artwork grace the walls of their home and they speak about her often, telling their daughter all about the big sister she never knew.

My own parents’ struggle to keep Nicky in our lives left me wondering where I ﬁt in our family, and whether I ever really would. I know now that I was never a replacement for Nicky. One person cannot substitute for another and I do not believe that was ever my parents’ intent. Witnessing our friends’ ongoing love for both their daughters has helped me understand that Nicky and I each occupy distinct places in our family. Today, my connection with him feels more like a privilege than a burden. I have gratitude, admiration and compassion for my parents, and I feel blessed to have given them the opportunity to love another child. Our friends have helped me resolve my own story for they have shown me that when we summon the strength to embrace life anew with all its beautiful gifts and terrifying risks, a family’s love has no limits and no end. ~http://www.huﬃngtonpost.com/miranda-pacchiana/the-gift-of-being-a-replacement- child_b_9998168.html JUL/AUG 2016

Our Children Remembered This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies. All the butterflies that never caught the wind in their wings. And all the hearts that had hopes and dreams of a wondrous flight together.

JULY

Cito Arán Michael J. Dickens Jr. Son of Sandra Arán Son of Marla and Michael Dickens Sr. December 2, 1978 - July 11, 2000 July 7, 1968 - March 29, 1996 Glorimar Arán Brandon Robert French Daughter of Sandra Arán Son of Rhonda and Norman French July 26, 1989 - November 11, 2001 October 8, 1983 - July 29, 2006 Susan Lawrence Barr Melissa Fernanda Garcia Daughter of Bryant and Missy Lawrence Daughter of Claudia Hnatiw July 14, 1961 - February 16, 1991 January 25, 1993 - July 30, 1994 Cortney Michele Belt Theresa Karen Gardner Daughter of Terre and John Belt Daughter of Joan F. Gardner August 26, 1979 - July 9, 1996 July 28, 1962 - January 7, 1994 Charlotte O'Brien Boone Daughter of Eve Boone Lahna Lynn Gordon July 23, 2006 - January 19, 2015 Daughter of Tiffany and Daniel Gordon July 3, 2007 - August 30, 2007 Sean Brannon Matthew Gordon Haines Son of Larry and Linda Brannon Son of Gordon and Peggy Haines July 7, 1968 - July 28, 2013 May 3, 1977 - July 4, 1996 Makayla Gabrielle Carpenter Kerry Elizabeth Hambleton Daughter of Tarica Carpenter Daughter of Bob and Ellen Hambleton November 10, 2008 - July 30, 2010 September 14, 1983 - July 26, 2011 Tria Marie Castiglia Madison (Maddy) Bailey Hilbert Daughter of Noel and Ann Castiglia Daughter of Kati Borchelt Sister of Carla Castiglia July 16, 2007 - October 14, 2007 July 6, 1963 - October 14, 1984 Roger Wallace Johnson Chrystal Marie Clifford Brother of Leroy and Jeanne Jones Fiance of son of Marilyn Mabe July 10, 1947 - August 23, 1986 July 16, 1978 - February 17, 2001 James Arthur Leese David Brian Clutter, Sr Son of Judith and John Leese Son of Barbara Orndorf July 27, 1960 - June 25, 2013 July 23, 1968 - December 25, 2000 Michael Robert Legér Olivia Rachel Constants Son of Daryl and Elizabeth Legér Daughter of Stephen and Dorothy Constants July 11, 1986 - December 29, 2000 July 28, 1996 - June 23, 2011 Eric Eugene Maier O. Steven Cooper Son of Gene and Marlen Maier Cousin of Frances Palmer August 8, 1961 - July 5, 1984 July 5, 1954 - September 26, 1998 Emily Christina Davidson Daughter of Fran Smith July 24, 1972 - January 13, 2011 JUL/AUG 2016

JULY

Sarah Anne McMahon Joseph Claude Smith Daughter of Deborah and Daniel McMahon Son of Gary and Desirae Smith January 24, 1995 - July 13, 2012 March 19, 2005 - July 11, 2006 Daniel "Dan" Michael Milord Karen Leese Stevens Son of Mike Milord Daughter of Judith and John Leese July 15, 1982 - May 5, 2004 July 19, 1962 - November 17, 2009 Edwin Brandon Molina Jr. David William Whitby Son of Carole and Edwin Molina Son of Rita and Albert Whitby Sr. July 6, 2005 - March 3, 2007 Brother of Susan Lovett Steven Craig Rasmussen July 14, 1954 - July 4, 1987 Son of Robert and Linda Rasmussen Jeffrey Kevin Withers July 15, 1961 - September 24, 1997 Son of Jan Withers Megan Frances Richardson July 30, 1975 - September 28, 1975 Daughter of Karen Richardson Alisa Joy Withers July 24, 1983 - December 4, 2004 Daughter of Jan Withers Dennis Richard Rohrback July 7, 1976 - April 16, 1992 Son of Dennis and Joan Rohrback Sienna Blue Water Zertuche April 8, 1964 - July 3, 1988 Daughter of Karen Samaras Emily Ann Schindler September 5, 1976 - July 31, 2008 Daughter of Charles and Jane Schindler July 27, 1985 - January 27, 2004 Kelly Ann Schultz Daughter of Jim and Pat Schultz July 19, 1964 - January 1, 1996 JUL/AUG 2016

AUGUST

Douglas Lee Baer III Roger Wallace Johnson Grandson of Shirley Baer Brother of Leroy and Jeanne Jones August 21, 1983 - November 14, 2006 July 10, 1947 - August 23, 1986 Cortney Michele Belt Jeremy Scott Jones Daughter of Terre and John Belt Son of Leroy and Jeanne Jones August 26, 1979 - July 9, 1996 August 4, 1976 - August 21, 1986 Traci Lynn Boone Scott Andrew Katsikas Daughter of Bonita Boone-Adamecz Son of Linda Snead September 17, 1964 - August 17, 1986 June 9, 1980 - August 13, 2004 Paul John Burash Eric Eugene Maier Son of Robert and Sandra Burash Son of Gene and Marlen Maier January 18, 1972 - August 8, 1992 August 8, 1961 - July 5, 1984 Bryan Ray Cannon Brian Richard Melcher Son of Ray and Barb Cannon Son of Norma and Donald Melcher August 14, 1984 - August 11, 2011 Brother of Cheryl Lewis William Frederick Carter Jr. August 30, 1960 - June 14, 2002 Son of Dot Carter Ryan John Mulloy Brother of Janet Tyler Son of John and Suzanne Mulloy Brother of Lisa Beall August 19, 1975 - August 12, 1993 April 24, 1959 - August 16, 1992 Michael Henry O'Malley Joshua "Josh" William Sims Dale Son of Margie and John O'Malley Son of Jody and Bill Dale August 25, 1971 - December 7, 1991 August 30, 1980 - August 30, 2007 Adrian Bernard Andrew Ortega Barbara Jean Fennessey Son of Rachael Hand Daughter of Ray and Kay Fennessey August 28, 1964 - February 17, 2005 August 30, 1960 - August 4, 1989 Scott Thomas Palmer Tracy Ann Fotino Son of Frances Palmer Niece of Kenneth Smith Grandson of Ethel Cleary May 14, 1971 - August 25, 2000 August 3, 1983 - September 1, 1996 Kimberly Judith Gardner Joshua Aaron Prosper Daughter of Joan F. Gardner Son of Terre Prosper February 6, 1968 - August 16, 1992 August 30, 1986 - December 16, 2011 Andrew Thomas "Drew" Gawthrop Solymar Rodriguez Torres Son of Brenda Gawthrop Daughter of José Rodriguez and Vanya Torres May 25, 1990 - August 12, 2002 August 27, 1993 - April 13, 2007 Lahna Lynn Gordon James Ryan Rohrbaugh Daughter of Tiffany and Daniel Gordon Son of Doug and Donna Rohrbaugh July 3, 2007 - August 30, 2007 August 30, 1983 - September 5, 1983 Kurt Willard Johnson Michael Edward Shannon Son of Willard and Marian Johnson Son of Karen Shannon December 9, 1963 - August 11, 2003 September 10, 1965 - August 13, 2013 JUL/AUG 2016

AUGUST

Brittany Nicole Tyler Daughter of Janet and Dan Tyler Granddaughter of Dot Carter October 12, 1986 - August 23, 1992 Daniel Alfred Whitby Son of Rita and Albert Whitby Sr. Brother of Susan Lovett January 10, 1959 - August 15, 1974 Andrew Wilcox Son of Peter and Margaret Wilcox August 30, 1985 - August 30, 1985 JUL/AUG 2016

Meeting Summary: Calvary United Methodist Church • 301 Rowe Boulevard • Annapolis, MD 21401. Sharing groups, a key part of each Chapter meeting, will be held as desired for first-time attendees, and the newly and non-newly bereaved. Meetings are held on the first Thursday of every month beginning at 7:30 p.m. (Doors open at 7:15) and are open to anyone grieving the death of a child. Come around to the back of the church -- there is parking and an entrance directly into our meeting room. Doors open at 7:15 p.m.

We are a self-help support organization dedicated to assisting parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and siblings toward the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child. We provide information and education to extended family and friends. Our greatest strength as bereaved families is the unity we find in shared experiences which can lead us out of isolation, give us a place to “belong,” and offer us hope that together – we can make it.

Next Meetings: July 7th & August 4th at 7:30 p.m. (please note below a special time for the July meeting)

* July Monthly Meeting: July is our Angel Food Gathering month to celebrate the lives of our children. We will be gathering at 6:30pm in order to have a longer time to eat, socialize and share stories about our children. Bring your child’s favorite dish to share. Small group sessions will be available as usual.

* August Monthly Meeting: We will have our annual crafts Helping Hands get-together in August. We are planning to make T-shirts, work on Angel Gowns and Tutus and create scrapbook pages. Small group sessions will be available as usual.

WHAT TO EXPECT AT OUR CHAPTER MEETINGS: Our Chapter gathers one evening a month to address topics and offer support to those who are mourning the death of a child. Our meetings last for approximately 2 hours. Sometimes we schedule a 30-minute presentation at the beginning of our meeting. When the speaker or panel has concluded the presentation, we introduce ourselves and say our child’s name. We then take a short break before dividing into sharing groups. Sharing groups are facilitated by fellow Chapter members and are completely confidential. During this time, the issues that are discussed—particularly for the newly bereaved—focus on the issues facing participants today. JUL/AUG 2016

Newsletter Submissions – If anyone has a story to tell, a poem to share, a bereavement book they read, an upcoming grief conference, a photo they took of an event, or an article they thought was particularly helpful in their grief journey, please pass them on to others through our Newsletter. These personal submissions will make the newsletter more interesting for everyone. NOTE: Newsletters have changed to bi-monthly and all submissions should be submitted no later than the 15th of the month prior to newsletter publication (i.e. submit by Feb 15th for the Mar/Apr Newsletter). That includes those sponsoring the newsletter in memory of their child. Sponsorship submissions should include a photo, poem/saying, parents’ name, child’s full name, birthday and angel date. It’s a wonderful way to honor your child’s memory – to say his or her name for all the world to hear -- while providing financial support to the Chapter and its many activities offered to all those mourning the loss of a child. Newsletter sponsorship is $75 and website sponsorship ((www.aacounty-md- bereaved parents.org) ) is $25. Just send an email to Mary Redmiles (Say Their Names!!! And help the Chapter, too! Please email all of these directly to [email protected] or call her at 410-721-6671 or sign up at a monthly meeting. Submissions for the MONTH newsletter are due to Tawny Stitely. Send an email to: [email protected]

Do You Use Amazon.com? If you enter Amazon through our Chapter’s website (www.aacounty-md- bereavedparents.org), the Chapter will earn a commission of 5% on your purchases. Using the link does not increase your cost (and information about your purchase is not shared with the Chapter). It’s an easy way to support our Chapter’s activities. Go to the Chapter’s home page, click on the butterflies on the welcome page, and scroll down the first page to the bottom where there is an Amazon.com graphic that takes you to Amazon’s site. Entering Amazon’s site through the Chapter’s website credits the Chapter with the 5% commission on any purchases that follow. Thanks in advance for your help!

Reprint Policy: Material in this newsletter of the Anne Arundel County Chapter/ BPUSA may be copied only: 1) if the article is copied in its entirety; 2) if the person writing the article is identified as noted in the newsletter; 3) if it is clearly stated that it was taken from the newsletter of the Anne Arundel County Chapter/ BPUSA; 4) if our website is cited in the credits. This material is to be used and given to help persons with the grieving process and may not be sold or become a part of something being sold for profit, unless first obtaining the permission of the author of the article and/or the current Editor or Chapter leader as noted in this newsletter.

Library: Everyone is welcome to check out books from our free lending library. Keep them as long as you need and return when you are ready. Books are set out at each meeting. We are very grateful to Jan Withers, former TCF Prince George’s County and National MADD President, for her donation of books to the library. JUL/AUG 2016

Chapter Points of Contact: Chapter Leader: Carol Tomaszewski, [email protected] Newsletter POC: Tawny Stitely, [email protected] Treasurer: Fran Palmer Hospitality: Sandra Winans Angel Gowns: Carol Tomaszewski Librarian: Bob and Sandi Burash Programs: Mary Redmiles, [email protected]

Telephone Friends: Debbie Wilson Smith, 410 757-8280 Barbara Blessing, 410 761-9017 Noel Castiglia, 410 757-5129

Chapter Web Site: http://www.aacounty-md-bereavedparents.org/

Chapter Address: BPUSA/AA County Chapter P.O. Box 6280 Annapolis, MD 21401-0280

Donations: Donations may be made to offset the costs of our local Chapter’s events and communications. We gratefully acknowledge the following donations made recently: Kenneth Smith in memory of his niece Tracy Fotino and T.Rowe Price matching donation for Margie Schwartz in memory of Zachary Schwartz.

Connect With Us on Facebook: We are on Facebook. It is a closed group where we can continue our discussions in private. Your other Facebook friends will not be able to see what you post there, and you will not be able to share postings by others. You have to join Facebook first before you can become a member. Please go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/BPUSAAAC/ and ask to join. You will be approved within 24 hours. If you have any questions or problems, please contact June Erickson at [email protected]. JUL/AUG 2016

Bereaved Parents of the USA 2016 National Gathering Jul 1 – July 3, 2016 “Crossroads of Your Heart” Wyndham Indianapolis West, 2544 Executive Drive, Indianapolis, IN 46241 Indiana will be the venue for this National Gathering which will highlight great speakers, workshops, a weekend full of hope and healing. Consider planning your vacation around the Gathering. Indiana offers rolling hills, covered bridges, Amish settlements, city life, historical locations, amusement parks and amazing state parks, just to mention a few things. Indianapolis is the Racing Capital of the World with the Indy 500, Brickyard 400, NHRA US Nationals and several more. Tour the Indianapolis 500 racetrack and museum and/or attend an Indianapolis Indians baseball game. Just so much to do. http://bereavedparentsusa.org/gathering/

39th TCF National Conference July 8 – 10, 2016 “Hope Rises on the Wings of Love” The Compassionate Friends is pleased to announce that Scottsdale, Arizona, will be the site of the 39th TCF National Conference on July 8-10, 2016. "Hope Rises on the Wings of Love" is the theme of next year's event, which promises more of this year's great national Conference experience. The 2016 Conference will be held at the The Fairmont Scottsdale Princess. We'll keep you updated with details here, on the national website as well as on our TCF/USA Facebook Page and elsewhere as they become available. Plan to come and be a part of this heartwarming experience. http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Conferences/National_Conferences.aspx

SAVE THE DATE: Memory Walk October 7, 2016 Our annual Memory Walk will be held at Quiet Waters Park. More details to follow in the coming months.

SAVE THE DATE: Annual Memory Service December 4, 2016 Our annual Memory Service will be held at St Martins-In-The-Field Episcopal Church in Severna Park. More details to follow in the coming months.

GRIEF RESOURCES: For Grief Resources, please visit our Chapter website at: http://www.aacounty-md-bereavedparents.org/HTML/Resources.htm Also try this useful website at http://grievingparents.net