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How Men REALLY Feel About Being Sexually Assaulted

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How Men REALLY Feel About Being Sexually Assaulted How Men REALLY Feel About Being Sexually Assaulted Anonymous True Accounts Told To Thom Bierdz Copyright © 2018 Thom Bierdz Inc All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-7327320-5-6 ii DEDICATED TO AWARENESS May these men’s unedited raw disclosures heal them and help heal and educate the reader. iii CONTENTS WHY I COMPILED THIS BOOK ................................................................... 1 AT 15, RAPED BY PASTOR JOHN WITH GUN ............................................. 4 CRAVED FATHER’S LOVE BUT SCARRED BY SECRET JACK-OFFS ............... 7 EXPOSING THE SECRETS OF THE HIGHEST PROFILE MEN ..................... 18 PHYSICALLY DISABLED, HE’S AN EASY TARGET. CUTS HIS OWN FLESH TO ALLEVIATE PAIN ...................................................................................... 23 STILL PUNISHES HIMSELF FOR GETTING GANG RAPED .......................... 29 ASS GRABBED AT DRAG SHOW .............................................................. 31 DEPRIVED, LONELY, CURIOUS HINDU CARIBBEAN CONFLICTED ABOUT DECADES OF SEX WITH COUSIN ............................................................. 32 RAPE CRISIS CENTER: “ONLY WOMEN GET RAPED” ............................... 38 REPUBLICAN SENATOR’S CHIEF OF STAFF DRUGGED AND RAPED APPRENTICE THOUGH HE WAS WILLING TO MAKE LOVE ................. Error! Bookmark not defined. AT 11, ABUSED BY THE NANNY’S SON, AND RECENTLY DRUGGED AND LEFT IN A PARKING LOT .............................. Error! Bookmark not defined. SWIM COACH ASKS TO SHOWER WITH STUDENT ... Error! Bookmark not defined. EXPELLED AFTER COLLEGE ROOMMATE RAPED HIMError! Bookmark not defined. MAKES HOLLYWOOD MANAGER BARK LIKE A DOG . Error! Bookmark not defined. CLOSETED ICE CREAM PARLOR CO-WORKERS RAPE Error! Bookmark not defined. iv FORGAVE SEXY MASSEUR FOR "NO MEANS YES" RAPE .. Error! Bookmark not defined. SWIMSUIT MODEL GETS FELT UP BY CATALOG CASTINGError! Bookmark not defined. RAPIST AND ACCOMPLICE GET JAILED ....... Error! Bookmark not defined. MY BEST FRIEND’S DAD .............................. Error! Bookmark not defined. RAPIST ERNIE IN NOVA SCOTIA .................. Error! Bookmark not defined. DRUGGED AND RAPED AT 15 ..................... Error! Bookmark not defined. UNETHICAL CASTING AGENT ...................... Error! Bookmark not defined. ATTRACTED TO OLDER MEN AND RAPED AS A TEEN Error! Bookmark not defined. AT 11, TRAUMATIZED BY SAUNA STRANGER ........... Error! Bookmark not defined. SILL BELIEVES GAY SEX IS UNREDEEMABLE? ............ Error! Bookmark not defined. TEEN TRIES TO PRESS CHARGES AGAINST OLDER COUSIN ............... Error! Bookmark not defined. COP'S BOYFRIEND TUTORS TEEN TO DRIVE, FORCES BJ.. Error! Bookmark not defined. WOMEN MAKE MALE MODELS REMOVE UNDERWEAR, MODELS LURED INTO SEX FILMS AND MURDERED ..............Error! Bookmark not defined. BILL REGRETS NOT HAVING SEX WITH BIG AGENT... Error! Bookmark not defined. MOM KNOWS HER FRIEND MIKE ABUSES SON, BUT IGNORES IT ..... Error! Bookmark not defined. v RAPED AT 5 BY UNCLE ................................ Error! Bookmark not defined. DAD’S FRIEND, BUCK: VIOLENCE AND SEX . Error! Bookmark not defined. 16 YEAR-OLD ASSAULTS 8 YEAR-OLD ......... Error! Bookmark not defined. BABYSITTER RAPES KID, WHEN KID AGES HE BABYSITS & ASSAULTS, TOO .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. DRUGGED IN GAY BAR, GROUP SEX, NO REGRETS .. Error! Bookmark not defined. TAXI DRIVER ASSAULTS TEEN, KEEPS METER RUNNING, CHARGES HIM .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. AA PREDATOR ............................................. Error! Bookmark not defined. CHURCH CHOIR DIRECTOR IN BASEMENT SAUNA MOLESTS PAPERBOY .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. KIDNAPPED AT 14 AND GANG RAPED BY MAN AND HIS CLIENTS .... Error! Bookmark not defined. FROM DINNER WITH TV STAR TO BEING RAPED ...... Error! Bookmark not defined. BLOCKED OUT RAPE FOR 12 YEARS ............ Error! Bookmark not defined. WENT HOME WITH GUY, TOLD HIM TO GO SLOW, BUT HE DID NOT .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. FRENCH CABARET LEADS TO BLACKOUT, MAYBE RAPE .. Error! Bookmark not defined. ASSAULTED AT 6, IN COLLEGE, AND BY URINAL IN STRAIGHT BAR .. Error! Bookmark not defined. ANGRY GIANT FLAMBOUYANT COLLEGE ROOMATE Error! Bookmark not defined. vi MARRIED A WOMAN, BUT SEARCHES FOR PAST BLOWJOB GUY ..... Error! Bookmark not defined. RESTAURANT OWNER LURES KID WITH PORN ......... Error! Bookmark not defined. WILL NEVER GIVE A STRANGER A RIDE AGAIN ......... Error! Bookmark not defined. CEREBRAL PALSY CHILD ASSAULTED BY SIBLINGS .... Error! Bookmark not defined. DRAGQUEEN ASSAULTS PATRON AT URINAL ........... Error! Bookmark not defined. GIVES IN TO THE BOY IN THE CORNFIELD .. Error! Bookmark not defined. FURIOUS AT YEARS OF ANIMALISTIC BEHAVIOR FROM FAVORITE UNCLE .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. “THEY WON’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU LITTLE QUEER” ... Error! Bookmark not defined. TEEN NEIGHBOR RAPES BUT PRETENDS IT NEVER HAPPENED ......... Error! Bookmark not defined. FINALLY FEELS FREE AFTER CONFRONTING GRABBER .... Error! Bookmark not defined. AT 14, SNEAKS TO GAY BAR, RAPED BY 27 YEAR-OLD ..... Error! Bookmark not defined. UNCLE MOLESTS AFTER KID CONFIDES BOYSCOUTS DID Error! Bookmark not defined. BARBER SLIPS COCK UNDER 16 YEAR-OLD’S ARMPIT ..... Error! Bookmark not defined. TV SALESMAN GROOMS FATHERLESS EMPLOYEES .. Error! Bookmark not vii defined. 30 YEARS OF FATHER-SON INCEST ............. Error! Bookmark not defined. MARRIED MAN, 64, COMES OUT TO WIFE AFTER GAY FB FLIRT ...... Error! Bookmark not defined. CBS WORKER REFLECTS ON ROMANCING A GIRL AND HER BROTHER .................................................................... Error! Bookmark not defined. ABOUT THE AUTHOR .................................. Error! Bookmark not defined. viii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This book would not have been possible without the raw anonymous true accounts offered by male survivors of sexual assault. ix WHY I COMPILED THIS BOOK When I revealed my sexual assaults on Facebook in 2016, other survivors found it healing, and rare for a TV star to be so open. This was the impetus for other male victims to share their own difficult memories on the topic; most messaged me privately. Their jaw-dropping events are included in this book to open dialogue on what is and what is not sexual assault. I personally think it’s counter-productive for all minds to take one narrative on sexual assault, to have specific expectations of how a victim should feel or act after an attack. Some of the Bill Cosby accusers were demeaned with, “Liars! If it happened 30 years ago, why wait until now to say something?” or, “Liar! No one would hang around someone after being raped!” Those are dangerous and false assumptions. I hung around my sexual assaulter and I didn’t tell anyone for 30 years. I go into more detail in my book, YOUNG, GAY & RESTLESS: My SCANDALOUS On-Screen & Off-Screen Sexual Liberations, but basically at 21 in Hollywood a photographer drugged me and as I collapsed in the chair, he removed my pants and was blowing me. I have no idea what he did that night as I lay helpless and unconscious. Scrambling for my clothes the next morning, and driving home in a fog, I hit two cars. At 21, it did not occur to me I should alert the police as the photographer may be a serial rapist. My thoughts were: Damn. That was horrible. What an asshole. But what’s done is done. How do I make the best of this? Later that day I did make a phone call. But it was not what most would expect. I called the photographer to make an appointment to get the free photos he promised me, careful never to take a pill or drink from him again. People are shocked that’s how I dealt with this event, but to me it made perfect sense. I made lemonade from lemons and got great headshots to begin my Hollywood career. I was also sexually assaulted three other times, but very minimally compared to the accounts in this book, and none of my sexual assaults traumatized me. That being said, I am quite neurotic and have been traumatized by other things in my life, situations which would not worry others in the least, but the instances when men whom I was not attracted to put their unwanted hands on me or shoved their tongues in my mouth was not a big deal to me. I was just creeped out and took it as a compliment. Strangely, if a woman had done similar, I think that would have been traumatizing to me. I am not sure I can explain why. Different things traumatize people. None of my assaults were physically or mentally painful so I chose to ignore them, and could. There’s no doubt I would have been severely traumatized if I endured any of these horrific violent rapes reported in this book, and so I understand why these survivors are indeed traumatized, and hope they understand why I am not. Another reason I queried men on their sex assault histories was because as a child I craved attention from my male relatives. I even fantasized making love with them, and disclose in my YOUNG, GAY & RESTLESS book that I still masturbate to incest porn fantasies. But incest REALITY is another thing altogether, something I know nothing about. These upcoming pages were quite an education! Because I am in the public eye, a gay actor/activist and so open 2 about my sexual history, men feel very comfortable reaching out to me
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