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Lafulagoobash by Patrick Underwood 2746 W. Jacinto Circle Mesa

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Lafulagoobash by Patrick Underwood 2746 W. Jacinto Circle Mesa Lafulagoobash By Patrick Underwood 2746 W. Jacinto Circle Mesa, Arizona 85202 480-433-8680 [email protected] CHARACTERS KING KONG Massive gorilla. Age unknown. POPE JOHN PAUL II Spiritual leader of world’s Catholics. Age 59. Polish citizen by birth. SKULL ISLAND Leader of Skull Island villagers. A powerful presence. Age 60. CHIEF MONGO MATUBA SISTER MARY Devout nun, principal of Holy Trinity Catholic School. ELLEN WALESA Age 59. She’s of Polish descent. SETTING Skull Island in Indian Ocean. On and near the beach. Living History Farms in suburban Des Moines, Iowa. TIME Oct. 4, 1979. 1 (First lit locale at stage right is Skull Island, where there is a sandy beach backed by jungle foliage and a smoking volcano. Chained to a raised platform and looking out to the ocean is a sitting King Kong. Second locale at stage left is a cleared, former agricultural field in suburban Des Moines. At Rise: Skull Island villagers mill on beach, looking toward ocean and chanting. The beating of drums is heard. A dense fog obscures their view.) VILLAGERS Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!. Lafulagoobash! (One villager cocks his ear toward the ocean, shakes head when he hears no response. Villagers sit on sand, talk and drink coconut milk. Behind them, King Kong’s irritability increases. The volume of his voice rises as does the level of his anger.) KING KONG Cheekeeta. Cheekeeta!! CHEEKEETA!!! (Villagers turn toward Kong, cowered by his formidable presence and power. They nod their heads, knowing that he is famished and in need of his life-sustaining staple, bananas. Kong devours bananas, yellow, green or those going bad. He doesn’t care. They’re bananas, and bananas pacify him. Without bananas, there is a real danger he could break his chains and kill villagers. Once again, they look toward the ocean and chant.) VILLAGERS Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!! LAFULAGOOBASH!!! (Still no answering reply. They fall back on the sand, hoping they soon will be able to pacify Kong.) 2 (Lights come up stage left. On the other side of the world and in America’s heartland, a cold autumn morning has arrived at Living History Farms, which has been carved out of a former Iowa farm field. Sister Mary Ellen Walesa is among a crowd that will reach 350,000 people. They have come to see the world’s No. 1 Catholic, Pope John Paul II.) SISTER MARY ELLEN (Speaking to nearby pilgrims.) I never thought I would see this day. Can you imagine our pope coming to Des Moines? My faith is strong, but I never thought it would happen. I’ve heard that his favorite treat as a boy in Wadowice was a particular cake he bought from a Polish baker. It had a shortbread crust on the bottom, golden custard cream inside, and puff pastry atop, all dusted with sugar. So I made the pontiff his favorite – the Papal Cream Cake! It’s inside my red picnic basket. I can’t wait to tell the kids at Holy Trinity about my special offering. I hope he loves it. (Back on the beach at Skull Island. Villagers have resumed their chant as Kong grows ever more restless, and the volcano emits heavier smoke.) VILLAGERS Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!! (Desperately.) LAFULAGOOBASH!!! (At first, nothing is heard other than the startled cry of an unseen sea gull. Then, a faint sound penetrates the lifting fog.) Lafula- (Villagers look at each other, resume chant.) Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!! (Perhaps their tribal prayers have been answered. From out of the patchy fog now comes a stronger sound.) Lafulagoobash. Lafulagoobash! 3 (Villagers mill about, smiles crease their faces. This time they hear a much stronger reply.) Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!! LAFULA- (From out of the clearing fog appears the prow of an outrigger canoe. Then the villagers detect the rising presence of their chief, Mongo Matuba. Wrapped around his neck are clusters of bananas. The chief’s canoe and others in the scavenging party are filled to the brim with bananas.) CHIEF MONGO MATUBA (Hands raised.) Lafulagoobash! Lafulagoobash!! LAFULAGOOBASH!!! (The villagers prostrate themselves on the sand, some weeping, others smiling broadly.) MONGO My people, we have brought Kong many bananas from a distant shore. We now have what is required for our island to live in harmony. Let there be peace. (Behind the villagers, Kong has watched events unfold. The volume of his voice has lowered, until, that is, he has witnessed the banana bounty aboard the canoes. In one mighty roar, in a voice filled with anticipation, Kong is, well, Kong.) KONG CHEEKEETA!!!!!! (Meanwhile, back in Des Moines - Urbandale to be precise - Sister Mary Ellen stands shivering in the farm field. She has a man to be fed and none too soon because it’s now late afternoon.) SISTER MARY ELLEN John, I like to call him that, makes me feel closer to him, must be getting hungry. A little treat wouldn’t hurt to round out whatever he had for lunch. He should arrive any minute now. 4 (Faces turn toward the sky, where the sun’s rays have broken through the clouds. The faint outline of a helicopter is detected, the one carrying the pope.) It’s him! It’s him! It’s a dream come true for me and the students of Holy Trinity. Why, it’s a field of dreams come true. Raze this field and he will come. And he did! (Back on Skull Island. Villagers have raced into the surf, helping pull their chief’s canoe and the others onto the sand. The chief steps onto the sand beside his kneeling worshipers.) MONGO Lafulagoobash, my people, lafulagoobash. Mongo knows it is a good day. The sun has cleared the fog. Kong will be pleased with the bounty we will place before him. Peace will be restored. (The villagers mumble lafulagoobash among themselves. Kong licks his lips.) (In the Iowa farm field, Pope John Paul steps from “Angel One.” He holds his staff in one hand, the other blessing the multitude that has gathered in this now sacred spot. The pope, dressed in his gold- trimmed garments, steps up to a raised, white oak altar and sits upon a throne.) SISTER MARY ELLEN Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He’s right before me. I can almost reach out and touch him! (Clutches picnic basket. Speaks to those near her.) You’re a part of history. People have come here from throughout the Midwest and beyond to witness this event. He’s come all the way from Rome. Imagine that! (On Skull Island, villagers have scooped up mounds of bananas and with their chief at the lead have marched toward Kong’s platform. Behind him smoke continues to belch from the volcano but at a lower level. 5 Mongo approaches the platform, his neck ringed with bananas and his arms and hands cradling more of his offering.) MONGO Lafulagoobash. Lafulagoobash, mighty Kong. We are a little people before your powerful figure. We pray that you will accept our offering so that all may live in peace and harmony. Lafulagoobash. (Kong surveys the scene, his eyes feasting on the bananas. Moments pass. Villagers look at each other, wondering what will happen. Kong is heard.) KONG (Smiles.) Lafulagoobash! Cheekeeta! Yummm! (Kong greedily devours the bananas placed before him. Peelings pile up.) MONGO Kong has spoken. My people, the mighty Kong is appeased. Like I am to you, Kong also is lafulagoobash to you – The Leader. Let us bow to him and honor his presence. (Back at Living History Farms, devotees approach the pope. They bear a Midwestern autumn harvest offering of foods made of corn and wheat, farm animals and colorful quilts. Sister Mary Ellen approaches the pontiff with her picnic basket.) SISTER MARY ELLEN He’s going to have an awful lot to eat after all these foodstuffs have been placed in front of him. But like they say, there’s always room for dessert. I’m sure he’s saved some space. Security’s cleared my picnic basket, so here goes. (Sister Mary Ellen bows before the pontiff. He reaches out, touches her head.) POPE JOHN PAUL I’ve heard through the ecclesiastical grapevine that you’re doing a great job with our little lambs at Holy Trinity. Keep up the good work in Christ’s name. So, what have we here in your pic-a-nic basket? 6 (Leans closer, whispers in Sister Mary Ellen’s ear.) Bet you didn’t know I’m a big fan of Yogi Bear and his Jellystone Park sidekick, Boo-Boo. SISTER MARY ELLEN I had no idea, Your Holiness. I spent hours baking you your favorite treat. I hope you like it. (John Paul lifts the basket lid. A heavenly joy crosses his face, and his blue eyes sparkle.) POPE JOHN PAUL You shouldn’t have, but I’m glad you did. It’s my favorite – Papal Cream Cake! I have to say, Sister Mary Ellen, you’re smarter than the av-er-age nun! I’ll save some of this special treat for my flight back to the Vatican. God is good. SISTER MARY ELLEN Yes, Your Holiness, God is good. (Word of the special dessert has spread throughout the multitude.) POPE JOHN PAUL Bless you, Sister, bless the good people of Des Moines, and bless Midwestern farmers, the stewards of the land. They have shared their harvest with me, and I am pleased. (Arms are raised and cries of hallelujah rise among the throng.) (Back on Skull Island. It’s a peaceful early afternoon as Chief Mongo’s people nap beneath a slumbering volcano. A mountain of banana peels litters Kong’s platform.
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