HSEMESTER ONE,oni 2016 • WEEK 4 Soit FIRST PRINTED 1929

How does the University view students with children?

FEATURE, PAGE 9

Chinese The Wizard of The lives of How long is students take @Oz_F sugar babies the Redfern on Business Elijah Wilcox-Armitage speaks Nina Dillon Britton explains why run, really? School to Twitter king Osman Faruqi they’re not so different from us NEWS, PAGE 4 PROFILE, PAGE 17 CULTURE, PAGE 14 ANALYSIS, PAGE 7 2 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 3 LETTERS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT Victoria Zerbst OF COUNTRY EDITORS Contents We acknowledge the traditional and centre the experiences of More Letters 3 / LETTERS 17 / PROFILE Andrew Bell, Natalie Buckett, custodians of this land, the Gadi- Indigenous people, and to be Max Hall, Tom Joyner, Sam gal people of the Eora Nation. reflective when we fail to. seeds of revolution will grow out of Liam’s experiences. I had the interests of minority groups mentators should have been 4 / NEWS 19 / SOCIAL Langford, Alexandros Tsathas, The University of Sydney – where We recognise our duty to be In defence of of real action today. the same experience as a foot on campus. Even if the USU arguing. He noted the signifi- Subeta Vimalarajah, Mary Ward, we write, publish and distribute a counterpoint to the racism To this end we aim to build soldier dealing with a strati- supports such collectives it’s cant danger in ceding ground to 6 / ANALYSIS 20 / CASEWORKERS Naaman Zhou Honi Soit – is on the sovereign that plagues the mainstream revolutionary strong and united Left struggles fied organisation and trying to more like how I might appreci- the far right by suggesting that land of these people. media, and to adequately repre- against the exploiting, greedy, reconcile hypocritical policy ate cheesecake- with a thumbs some asylum seekers are more 8 / OPINION 21 / PUZZLES CONTRIBUTORS As students and journalists, sent the perspectives of Indige- socialism war-mongering bigots that run positions as he did, but I also up and from a safe distance. The worthy of protection than oth- we recognise our complicity nous students at our University. this world. We want to fight saw much worse. I remember USU is all about inclusion- from ers. While children in detention 9 / FEATURE 22 / SRC REPORTS Emma Balfour, Isabella Barrett, in the ongoing colonisation of We also wholeheartedly thank Liam Donohoe's piece last week alongside Greens, other radicals being bribed and emotionally providing discounted ACCESS face particular risks to their Amelia Birnie, Adam Chalm- Indigenous land. In recognition our Indigenous reporters for was an insight into a revolution- and the ALP left, to advance the blackmailed. I remember being card prices, to including current healthy development, Dono- 12 / PERSPECTIVE 24 / SUPRA ers, Jestika Chand, Peter Bur- of our privilege, we vow to not the continuing contribution of ary organisation gone wrong. situation of the working class, complicit in backstabbings and board directors in the USU elec- hoe’s argument reminds us rell-Sander, Nina Dillon Brit- only include, but to prioritise their labour to our learning. Liam’s first-hand account of the students and the oppressed. We the dirty deals of factional war- tions. Their concern about exclu- that we must not let our legit- 14 / CULTURE 26 / COMEDY ton, Ann Ding, Liam Donohoe, inward looking, manipulative are involved in a concerted fight lords. I remember being manip- sionary policies that lock-out imate concern for their welfare William Edwards, Edward Furst, and cynically self-promotional against our government’s inhu- ulated. I remember, essentially, students from society participa- compromise our opposition to Jacob Henegan, Joel Hillman, political practice pedalled by SAlt mane brutality towards asy- being used as a pawn in a game tion is deeply rooted in the USU’s the indefinite and inhumane 9 / FEATURE Justine Landis-Hanley, Sahra will leave many good left-wingers lum-seekers, to defend Medi- I did not understand. mission statement. detention of any fellow human Magan, Oliver Moore, William EDITORIAL reaching for a bucket. care from the Liberals’ attacks All politics, but youth politics Furthermore, anonymous being. When leveraging sym- Amelia Birnie examines how new mothers can Ryan, Ajay Sivanathan, Michael The left is effective when it and to stop corporate restruc- especially, preys on the young writer “Supporter of Chris- pathetic imagery and narrative fall through the cracks at the University of Sydney Sun, Lena Wang, Elijah Wil- Victoria Zerbst combines both principle and turing that turns universities and vulnerable and that’s exactly tian-Atheist Relations” brought in an attempt to build a broader cox-Armitage, Jess Zlotnick unity. As Liam shows, SAlt into degree factories. what happened to my 15-year- up the Atheist Society. I’m sur- coalition, asylum seeker advo- betray their principals in shab- We need real struggle, we old self. They use us because prised to hear that it’s apparent- cates must take greater care to On the cover is a small infant cation to the deep content mines by and dishonest deals on the need revolutionary organiza- we’re innocent. We’re not stupid, ly still a thing! Last I’d heard, employ these subjects as repre- COVER ARTISTS during her oral stage of devel- of Twitter, that holy digital func- one hand and sabotage prac- tion and we need serious rev- but we still have that idealism – the outgoing exec had dissolved sentative of the whole war rath- opment. Aside from the obvi- tion of our own oral obsession. tical unity through their dis- olutionary theory and discus- the assumption that everyone is the society. They are, however, er than as the (only) battle itself. So often the breasts we see in publications are sexualised. They are Steph Barahona, Amandine Le ous connection to this week’s Students want to be heard. missive arrogance towards oth- sion. If you let SAlt put you off good at heart. We trust our party right that societies will want often designed to sell papers or cause a stir. We hoped that our Bellec, Johanna Roberts, Bri- feature on breastfeeding on This paper is our mouthpiece. er activists on the other. Sadly, revolutionary politics altogeth- elders to look after us but ulti- representatives who “ascribe Benjamin G. Veness cover would normalise breasts as non-sexual objects and show gitte Samaha, Katie Thorburn, campus, the sucking baby pro- As always, Honi works hard it appears such an attitude is er the only winners will be the mately, our trust is abused. to their values and ideals”. It’s a MBBS MPH 2014 breastfeeding as the beautiful and natural act it is. Thank you to Zita Walker vides for a greater metaphor. to keep you abreast of the news. rendered through an internal elites we need to overthrow. I’m not saying that all people sentiment I’m sure that’s shared Olympia Walker-Galt, Juris Doctor student and mother of the love- As university students we are This week we bring you stories culture that rests heavily on pri- in politics are evil. Some people by the autonomous collectives ly Pippi, for allowing us to capture this intimate moment between COVER in an oral development stage of of self-proclaimed sugar babies, mary-school style peer pressure Adam Adelpour are absolutely lovely, but there's Kerrod Gream mentioned, who her and her daughter. our own. Our brains are remod- who milk their relationships and messianic self-delusion. Solidarity Student Club enough of the bad ones in poli- have a particularly left wing set Tom Joyner elling, our behaviours border with older men, first time opera- Such a distorted practice is a tics to make it a dangerous place. of ideals and values. on infantile at both parties and goers and an analysis of Univer- blight on the Left and weakens There is a culture in youth poli- Disclaimer: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative PROOFREADER political meetings, and all while sity funding of SUSF facilities. us in the face of the real fights tics that rewards amorality Brendan J O’Shea Want to Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City we suckle at the swollen teat of Pay fine attention to the lit- against the Liberal government Tread carefully To those who are thinking Arts V Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, Caelin Kramer knowledge in lecture theatres tle touches, the DJ Khaled hor- and corporate power. of joining, I'd tread carefully space and administrative support are financed by the University and tutorial rooms. oscopes, the carefully curated It would be a mistake how- around youth around youth politics. We’ve continue of Sydney. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s At university we are redis- playlist, the educational guide to ever, to let SAlt’s particular done it and saw the worst of it, Gold, directors of student publications: Tahlia Chloe, Justine Landis- covering the rules of language PowerPoint presentations, the pathology tarnish Revolutionary politics don’t repeat our mistakes. Hanley, David Hogan, Michelle Picone, Siobhan Ryan, and Michael through politically correct existential babies. We are forever Socialists as a whole. We live in a Dear Honi, frankincense the convo? Sun. All expressions are published on the basis that they are not to speech. We are making our opin- in development stages after all. world of crisis, war, oppression, A 17-Year-Old and more be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. ions heard among the booming While we grow, and crawl environmental catastrophe and While it may be fun to make Political Drop Out Send a letter to The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of voices of baby boomers. and learn to walk, we look to the gross inequality. As the world fun of the "salty" nature of comment the opinions or information contained within this newspaper, nor We are learning when and university for nourishment and burns, the powerful reassure our favourite Marxists, I don’t editors@ does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. how to speak out against issues support. At the end of this all, us that capitalism is the only believe that the problems out- EU v USU Dear Honi, like the University restructure or we hope to learn skills that ena- option. They say any attempt to lined in Liam Donohoe’s feature honisoit.com the changes to the Safe Schools ble us to feed mouths when we achieve radical change will lead article are unique to Socialist continues In response to Michael Sun’s Please direct all advertising inquiries to program. We are sharing our are a little older. In the mean- to a tyranny far-worse than what Alternative, but a shared expe- article, “Gold, frankincense and but for fuck's [email protected] takes on multiple platforms, from time, Honi will feed its stories to we face today. rience for those of us who gave Dear Honi, more” (Semester 1, week 3) and the Letters page of this fine publi- the newsfeed. So drink up. Tragically the behaviour of up their youth in support of a the claim that the University’s sake keep those like SAlt gives ammuni- political organisation. The EU v USU conflict is one Multifaith Chaplaincy Centre tion to the conservative lie that I joined the youth branch of a of the great tales of our time- was “largely inaccessible” it short. socialism is authoritarian. political party at a very young age though not quite as entertain- The Multifaith Chaplaincy with people who actually know the "intelligentsia". You might like what you see, and The truth is, the capitalist and like many others who join ing as the UK’s own conflict Centre located in Merewether 500 words what they’re talking about, and But I’m not going to rebut each even if you don't there's plenty of system that produces the hor- political parties in our young- with the EU. Although I don’t Level 2 is generously provided are trying to understand the point; not only would it be tedious, room for collaboration. rors we see around us is no er and more vulnerable years, I have a position on this, I’d like by the University to facilitate maximum. world in order to change it. but the editors of this esteemed more eternal than the feudal joined because I wanted to make to clarify some points raised by the work of university author- Letters In a related criticism, Liam publication have refused our Eleanor Morley society that came before it. It is a difference. I’m not sure if it was two letters in last week’s issue. ised chaplains of all faiths for We're serious. suggests that the purpose of request for a full length response, a society perpetuated by human residual excitement from the Kerrod Gream mentioned their work amongst all Sydney school boys like him come and go. these discussions is to force and instead have given us 500 action and human action can year six politics module in HSIE that other religious societies Uni students and staff. Taking Honi with He accuses us of "brainwashing" members into ideological una- words to reply to a 4 page hack Standing with liberate us from it. Even in the or something but I was really are watching the EU’s boss fight Chaplains serve the campus by people. Like any political organi- nimity. Once again, he’s astound- job. I want to end by talking about United States people, are look- hopeful about my future in poli- with the USU closely. One soci- encouraging a culture of mutual a grain of SAlt sation, Socialist Alternative has a ingly wrong. There are many some positives. It is Roz Ward, students ing to the socialism of Bernie tics. I was excited by the prospect ety, the Catholic Society, appar- respect, support and engagement program, a set of principles that things on which members of a member of SA based in Mel- Sanders as an alternative to the of being able to participate in ently has a similar “BELIEVE with questions of life and faith. If Dear Honi, we try to convince people of. Our SA disagree; the significance of bourne, who created the Safe I write regarding the horrible pho- racism and unemployment of the political process, of rebelling IN CHRIST THE LORD” pol- you would like to talk to a chap- version of Marxism is a radically Bernie Sanders, the attitude to Schools program, currently tograph in Honi Soit of the Mus- global capitalism. from my middle-class private icy to the aforementioned EU lain at any time just drop in. Another year, another attack democratic one, which decries take to Fidel Castro, the validity under attack by the liberals. It lim prayer room in shambles after Solidarity is a Revolution- school educated background and and is similarly involved in an on Socialist Alternative in Honi the authoritarian regimes that of Marx’s "base and superstruc- was SA who coordinated and led an attack. I ache for all those who ary Socialist organization. We by the idea finding friends who “it’s complicated” relationship Caroline Andrews Soit. It's a cycle as predictable called themselves "communist" ture" analogy, the list goes on. the national student campaign returned to their sanctum and believe those that work to pro- shared my political views - I was with the USU. Gream notes Multifaith Chaplains Convenor as the earth's orbit around the in the 21st century. Part of the reason for this is that defeated deregulation and found it so violated. The desecra- duce the wealth in this world young and naive, what can I say? that there’s a double standard- University of Sydney sun, as welcome as a summer The introduction to Marx- that SA is the only group on the got rid of Chris Pyne. We’re tion of a house of prayer is a dese- should control it, that the And at first it was like that. the USU supports left-wing cockroach infestation. The most ism discussion series that he Australian left that is the prod- also active around refugees, cration of the name of God. I pray immense productive capaci- The people in the party were all autonomous collectives (which recent effort is written by Liam denounces is deliberately struc- uct of a merger between two rev- anti-fascism, women’s rights, the the barbarity of these ignorant ty available today should serve so charming and they welcomed were left unnamed, but include Let them stay Donohoe, someone who was a tured as an opportunity for olutionary organisations with unions, and more. Just last week attacks may serve as a rooster's human need not corporate and included me. They made me Wom*n’s Collective and ACAR) member of Socialist Alternative people to systematically study different backgrounds, a fact of we helped organise a successful crow. May this horror rouse us greed. We stand against all forms feel like I had a purpose in the that are similarly exclusionary. Dear Honi, for all of three weeks over the these ideas, and decide whether which we're proud. snap strike on a construction to stand resolutely alongside our of oppression and are interna- party and that I was important. I’m sure that Gream is well Christmas break. His resigna- or not they agree. The course Liam also accuses us of some site in Western Sydney. Muslim brothers and sisters. May tionalist. We believe that the They made me feel like I had aware that the autonomous col- Liam Donohoe's piece on the "When you look into an abyss, tion letter cited a tearful mother explores gender, imperialism, bizarre hierarchy, despite the fact We're the largest and most Allah raise the downtrodden, working class - whether white or a say and I was quick to want lectives aren’t affiliated with the transient #LetThemStay move- the abyss also looks into you." eager for him to succeed in the race, class and the Russian rev- that the members who do the vibrant organisation on the left and replace suffering with joy. blue collar - has a unique strate- to please my new friends. Of USU as religious societies are. ment ("Let [her] stay", Semes- - Kyle (3 months) corporate world. It was all a bit olution, and that’s just the start. most stalls and poster runs are for a reason. Haters gonna hate, gic power to win a better world. course, this would all end quickly. These collectives are depart- ter One, 2016, Week Two) said of a non-event, privileged private It’s like a university tutorial, but also those who he describes as but check us out for yourself. Yitzi Tuvel Most importantly, we believe the It doesn’t surprise me to hear ments of the SRC, representing precisely what all public com- Art: Amandine Le Bellec 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 5 NEWS NEWS

ISLAMOPHOBIA INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS ACADEMIC POLICY More Islamophobic graffiti Reference lists “Tutors don’t even care": to be included found on campus in Business Births, Deaths & Marriages School word Justine Landis-Hanley a goatee, with the words “Wel- sity Administration’s failure Chinese students lash out at Not including the birth, death (and rebirth) of Jesus Christ come Refugees” crossed out to take action against Islam- counts More posters defaced with with thick black marker. ophobia on campus is just I’m not racist but... Islamophobic slurs were found SRC Ethno-Cultural Officer as concerning. on campus over the weekend. Adam Ursino told Honi he “Only a fortnight ago I was Mary Ward Posters advertising an Evening discovered the posters on Sat- asked to comment on posters Business School over lack of Michael Sun, a Media and Communications student, was asked by Sydney University staff to pose for a picture used in Inter- with Ali Abunimah and the Palm urday morning on Eastern that have been defaced with Reference lists and citations national Students public relations material. Sun, who is not an Sunday Rally welcoming Syrian Avenue noticeboards and the Islamophobic messages, so it’s will now be included in assess- international student, was approached at an Arts faculty barbe- refugees were branded with offen- New Law Annex. troubling that this behavior is ment word counts for Busi- que during OWeek in 2015. sive messages, including “Fuck This is the latest in a string of continuing,” he said. ness School students, after the off Muslims” and “Halal anti-Muslim incidents on cam- “It’s equally troubling support faculty announced changes Sun says that the photographer sought to capture a “spon- taneous” moment between a racially diverse group of friends. Funds Terrorism”. pus, which include the ransack- that the university continues to its academic policy at the In reality, Sun and friend Adam Ursino had sat down next to a On one poster, the image ing of the Islamic Prayer Room to be reactive instead of start of semester. separate group of students just moments before the picture was of a smiling hijabi refugee was reported by Honi Soit last month. proactive when faced with Tom Joyner sented to the Dean of the Busi- changes had been made to the in the classroom. The changes, which were taken. Ursino and Sun expressed disappointment in the mate- vandalised with devil horns and Ursino said the Univer- anti-Muslim sentiment.” ness School on July 16 arguing course in 2016, including Eng- “I would dispute the sug- revealed in this semester’s rial’s mistaken and offensive depiction of students of colour as Chinese students have voiced the unit’s assessment criteria lish language support services gestion that there is endemic Unit of Study outlines, will international students. their growing frustration with was not transparent and the and a restructured teaching staff, disregard for the interests of apply to assessments submit- INTERCAMPUS the Business School’s response final exam was too heavily that he was “absolutely hopeful” international students here. ted by both undergraduate Glass houses redux to last year’s mass failure of a weighted towards "grammar or would reduce the failure rate The vast majority of my col- and postgraduate students. postgraduate Commerce sub- expression" rather than con- among international students. leagues care about internation- Under previous policy, ref- On Thursday afternoon, an area directly below the New Law ject, saying it reflects an endem- tent, unfairly disadvantaging “I think we do have a degree al students,” he said. erence lists and citations were building – by the border of Victoria Park – was taped off and UTS Student Association ic attitude towards internation- non-English speakers. of intercultural awareness that A letter from Adrian Car- commonly excluded from shattered glass was found on the ground. al students on campus. Wang said the feeling of needs to be developed but I dinali of the postgraduate rep- assessment word counts. We speculate this may have something to do with the building’s Approximately 37 per cent of being overlooked by teach- wouldn’t agree that we can gen- resentative council, SUPRA, Business School Associate pesky glass panels, which we reported last year as being “oft-shat- sacks Vice-President, citing students who took BUSS5000: ing staff wasn’t limited to the eralise those statements to the addressed to Professor Shields Dean (Undergraduate) Asso- tered” with the potential to fall on unsuspecting students. At the Critical Thinking in Business in Business School. “It’s a sad majority of the tutors.” in July argued the Chinese stu- ciate Professor Rae Cooper time, the University told us everything was structurally sound. the first semester of 2015 failed thing. Chinese students always Honi understands the Chi- dents who took the unit were told Honi the change occurred But in the summer break, we spied construction crews “harassment” and plagiarism the unit, with a vast majority tell me that [they’re] being nese consulate in Sydney made set up to fail. to allow for an easier deter- atop a crane sneakily lifting damaged panels off the building. of them Chinese. treated differently to the local a request to the University “If such a large number of mination of word count when The mystery continues. Poppy Wang from the Syd- students. We pay the mon- that failed students be grant- students apparently did not using Turnitin software for Naaman Zhou Convenor of the UTS Womn’s “I myself am relieved she is no ney University Chinese Student ey and get nothing. Even less ed the opportunity to resit the meet the standard required to submission, so that mark- A late boarder Collective, Beatrice Tan, said longer in a position of power.” and Scholar Association (SUC- than local students.” exam, but the Business School pass the in class exam and pass ers did not have to manually The University of Technol- she approved of the decision Multiple witnesses described SA) said many Chinese students Of those students who failed refused. The Chinese consulate the unit, why was more not determine the word count of Following Week 1’s round-up of your prospective Union Board ogy Sydney Student Associ- and was “glad to be able to the council meeting as emo- believed the way the course in Semester One last year, it is was unavailable for comment at done earlier?” it read. a submitted assessment where candidates – who will run in an election later this semester – ation (UTSSA) has passed a speak about this issue”. tionally charged, with council was taught disadvantaged understood about 194 filed a the time of publication. Since 2015, SUCSA has facil- its reference list was submit- Honi can confirm one more name is entering the shitshow. motion this week calling for Tan is a member of Student members crying as they dis- international students. formal appeal to the Univer- Wang said Chinese stu- itated group forums via mas- ted in the same document. SRC Councillor Cameron Hawkins (Independent) is run- the organisation’s own Educa- Unity, while Treacey-Maclean cussed the issue. “Professors and tutors don’t sity, with only 16 succeeding dents struggling with units sively popular messaging apps Some business students have ning, managed by Cameron Caccamo. It’s a reunion of sorts for tion Vice-President, Madeleine is a member of rival faction Honi understands the alle- really care about international in overturning their fail grade. like BUSS5000 was a perennial like WeChat and social network been upset by the policy change. the two, who last year masterminded the successful “Camerons Treacey-Maclean, to resign. National Labor Students. gations of plagiarism revolve students. [Tutors are virtually Many more said their appeal issue, but only became the sub- Weibo for students who have A change.org petition start- for SRC” ticket. But this time, Caccamo says it’s not a gimmick. The March 14 motion, which The motion’s mover and cur- around sections of the UTSSA saying to Chinese internation- was rejected by default after ject of wider discussion when passed BUSS5000 to provide ed by SRC General Secretary “While the SRC campaign was firmly tongue in cheek, this will passed with 14 votes in favour rent Disability Officer, Andrea OWeek handbook, which has al students] ‘you don’t answer the Business School did not mainstream media reported support to students struggling Lachlan Ward calls on the be a serious campaign to elect someone with significant involve- and four against, alleged that Zephyr (Independent Labor), been taken off stands. normally, just in Chinglish. I respond in time. on it last year. under the stress of the subject. Business School to rethink ment in C&S and a more diverse university background,” he said. Treacey-Maclean’s behaviour told Honi Treacey-Maclean had Honi contacted Treacey-Ma- can’t understand you, I will skip Deputy Dean of the Business “I think the [Business the policy, which the peti- Hawkins is expected to draw on support from various Science constituted “bullying and har- “created stress for the organisa- clean and UTSSA President you and move to the next valu- School Professor John Shields School] understands the lan- tion alleges was implemented faculty-based clubs, and Caccamo has promised he would not seek assment” and ran “counter to tion and herself, since starting Sammy Howes, but neither able student’,” she said. denied the allegations, saying guage limitations of these stu- If you are an international stu- with “minimal” consultation help from current Board Directors or on-campus factions. the aims of the organisation”. the role in 2016”. chose to comment. “I don’t think it’s fair. Eng- the School was “very diligent” dents, but they do not care dent and you know more about and will discourage students lish is not [Chinese students’] about procedural fairness about the students’ situations. this, you can get in touch with from using a wide range of mother tongue. They cannot in students’ appeals. “To the We are not being noticed, we’re the editors at editors@honisoit. resources when researching UNIVERSITY RESTRUCTURE respond like a local student, best of my knowledge, no stu- living in our own world.” com, or international.officers@ an assignment. and that’s what most teachers dent was disadvantaged by the Professor Shields rejected src.usyd.edu.au. Anonymity Cooper told Honi Unit of criticise students about.” school or them not meeting the the suggestion internation- can be guaranteed and all corre- Study coordinators had been An open letter signed by standard deadline,” he said. al students were treated dif- spondence will be treated in the “advised” to increase word Students rally against university restructure 309 Chinese students was pre- Professor Shields added ferently from local students strictest confidence. counts to allow for the new policy. She also denied the changes had been implement- Ajay Sivanathan be no funding allocated to the desire to jump ahead of the ed without student consul- teachers of the additional year”. University of Melbourne on the a view to simply please adver- of the facts are wrong. fantasyland campus context,” tation, saying they were dis- Over one hundred people The rally moved from outside world rankings,” he said. tisers and shareholders. After On March 13, Andrew Ashton writes. cussed at the undergraduate gathered outside the Carslaw Carslaw, along Eastern Avenue There was a strong presence all, as many have aptly pointed Bell’s news piece about the Even if you did make it to and postgraduate faculty board building on March 16 to protest and into the Main Quadrangle. from activists across the Uni- out, journalism is their main USU’s threat to deregis- the bottom of the piece, the meetings, both of which have the planned restructure of the It finished with more speeches versity, representing a variety product. What use is a news- ter the Evangelical Union screed turned out to be so student representation. University of Sydney. outside the office of the Vice of different groups. The protest paper without news? racked up over 2,000 likes irrelevant, the take so mis- But Ward said he doubted Michael Thomson, Presi- Chancellor, Dr Michael Spence. remained peaceful throughout on Facebook and a litany of fired, that even the comment- longer word counts would help. dent of the USyd National Ter- Dylan Griffiths, Students’ and campus security did not Fair go, Fairfax angry comments. Almost ers below the article weren’t “[Students] are still forced tiary Education Union (NTEU) Representative Council (SRC) intervene at any point. like clockwork, Australia’s sure what to make of it. “Go to pick between more words branch, delivered the first speech. Education Officer, spoke of the The protest was organised by As editors of Honi Soit, we least fact-interested news- Trump! Before the West trash- and more reference, which is “Sydney Uni leads the sector in how the University had “more the Sydney University Educa- stand in solidarity with Fair- paper published an article es everything, please stop this detrimental and punishing [to] one way, the Vice Chancellor’s than enough money to keep tion Action Group, in conjunc- fax staff threatened with job An ideological union by Chris Ashton bafflingly cancerous political correct- more studious students.” pay [$1.3M],” he proclaimed. the SCA (Sydney College of tion with the NTEU (National cuts in an already uncertain entitled “Christians banned ness,” writes Bonnie, keen to Ward told Honi that in a One of the biggest concerns the Arts) in Rozelle”, which is Tertiary Education Union). industry and at a time when When is a measured opinion for simply being Christian”, get back to talking about the meeting with Deputy Dean raised was the newly proposed due to be sacrificed as part of Lachlan Ward, the Gener- journalism is as important as piece not a measured opinion decrying the USU’s “embar- billionaire messiah. Matthew John Shields on Friday, he was four-year Liberal Arts and Sci- the restructure. al Secretary of the SRC, told ever to Australian democra- piece? When it’s published rassing” and “depressing” chimes in: “More Political informed the changes were a ence degrees. Linda Connor, The final speaker, a member Honi, “The rally was overall cy. If Fairfax is so desperate in the Daily Telegraph by a decision. “This attempt by Correctness crap, no wonder pilot study for the semester. He a member of the NTEU bar- of the NSW NTEU delivered quite effective as it managed to make savings, it should Spectator Australia columnist USU bully-crats and pretend Donald Trump is doing well added that Shields appeared to be gaining team, explained staff a scathing blow to Universi- to engage students who had be doing so while protecting about a student society at the politicians is about freedom in his USA Presidential cam- amenable to student feedback. concerns regarding the plans. ty management. “What seems never been involved in student journalists’ jobs, not just with University of Sydney and most of association, albeit in the paign, it will happen here too.” He expects to submit his peti- In particular, that there “would to underpin everything is the activism before.” Photo: Liam Kesteven tion to the Dean later this week. 6 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 7 ANALYSIS ANALYSIS SUSF's Grandstanding Political Economy at How long Liam Donohoe looks into the funding of SUSF's latest ivory tower is the risk from restructure Redfern run? ECOP is no stranger to struggle, Edward Furst reports Michael Sun In 1987, a new degree, the Bachelor of Economics (Social Sciences) or BEc(SocSci), was introduced I exit onto the inevitably crowded platform, by the Faculty of Economics, successfully purg- like a horse jolting from its holding pen. I walk ing Political Economy from its main Bachelor with purpose up the stairs, playing dodgem cars of Economics (BEc) degree. The introduction of with every other dreary-eyed student. My sight the BEc(SocSci) gave scope for the expansion of is blinkered, my hearing thoroughly censored Political Economy units on offer and opened the by the angsty, MySpace-circa-2004 tune playing door for an honours program. Enrolments in the through my earphones. new degree were strong from the beginning, and Today is a smooth run. My Opal card is recog- its requisite school leavers' score usually matched nised by the machine despite the proximity of an that of the BEc. In some years, it exceeded it. RFID-chipped student card, and the lack of traffic means I can cross the street almost immediately. I manage a quick time-check at the beginning of “Tony Abbott staunchly the boardwalk: seven minutes. I’m making good pace. When I check my stopwatch again at Eastern opposed the push Avenue Auditorium, it reads 12 minutes and 43 seconds exactly. Good time, better than the 16 min- for Political Economy utes the day before (which I blamed on the rain). The study of Political Economy at the Universi- 1976 protests I repeat this process three more times to obtain a ty of Sydney has a lively history, characterised by in support courses, while Anthony Totally Objective And Scientific Average for the trip conflict, struggle and compromise. The fight to of political commonly known as the “Redfern Run”, the walk establish Political Economy courses at the Univer- economy. Albanese took to the clock from Redfern Station to Eastern Avenue, of 14 min- sity involved protests attended in the thousands, Photo: utes and 29 seconds (including weather anomalies). he Camperdown campus’ western side including this one. SUSF’s 2013 annual report Artist's however, suggest that existing barriers to access – led by the student politicians who would go on University tower in the Quadrangle" Ask any regular Redfern Runner and they will tell is exceedingly picturesque. Luscious consistently bemoaned the demolition of the Impression: like price and talent – would be reduced in a way to become today’s political figures. The Depart- of Sydney you the trip takes a different amount of time; walkers’ green pastures complement an array “unpleasant looking but still serviceable” facility. USyd's commensurate with this new space, making this ment’s seemingly perpetual struggle may be set to Archives estimates range from five minutes to half an hour. My of ivied sandstone buildings, a leafy Smithies pointed out the “irony of bulldozing a metastasising suggestion, at the very least, a dubious one. continue as the University finalises plans for its The 1990s and 2000s saw the BEc(SocSci) change theory? It all has to do with your outlook on life. T sporting throwback to local collegian’s private school days. gym to build a research facility for obesity”. This is more than a question of accessibili- largest organisational restructure on record. form. A masters program in Political Econo- And thus begins my quest to determine, with Yet, for almost a year now, the construction of a Indeed both the 2013 and 2014 reports read facilities, ty. In a context where the University repeated- The fight to establish a department of Politi- my was introduced, and the study of Political complete accuracy, the psychological state of any new grandstand at Oval No. 2 has disrupted the as one long whinge that disingenuously char- circa 2050. ly bemoans a lack of funding, such frivolity is cal Economy began in the early 1970s, when, in Economy was reallocated from the Faculty of individual based on one single question: “How stillness, as most passers-by would have noticed. acterises SUSF as the victim, but in the same surely a cause for concern. Top academics move response to mounting discontent with the orthodox Economics and Business to the Faculty of Arts. long do you estimate the walk from Redfern to This project is a small part of the University’s breath, triumphs Sydney as “standing as the to other universities for a better deal, tutorials nature and limited range of economic courses on This paved the way for a dedicated department of Eastern Avenue Auditorium to be?” “grand plan of sporting infrastructure develop- number one sporting university in Australia, are packed and depersonalised, students stand offer, staff and students held a "day of protest". Their political economy to be established, and saw the ments” that aims to “take the spectator experience and indeed far beyond”. at the back of lecture halls. desire for a more holistic approach to economics that BEc(SocSci) degree evolve into its current incar- to another level”, according to Rugby Club Presi- The same report notes that the Universi- To prioritise non-essential sports facilities over recognised the importance of societal institutions, nation, the Bachelor of Political, Economic and EXHIBIT A: Philomena* dent, David Mortimer. ty “mostly” covered the funding for the Stage 3 improvements to educational quality seems odd power imbalances, historical contexts, and political Social Sciences (BPESS) in 2008. Initial estimates made in April 2015 expect- extension of the Sydney Uni Sports & Aquatic at an institution whose primary purpose is, well, ends inherent in any study of the economy, was at As the University finalises its proposed restruc- Time estimated: “Umm…five minutes?” ed the project to be finalised by December 2015, Centre (SUSAC) back in 2012, again as “compen- education. To do so in a way that provides little odds with the increasing dominance of orthodox ture, due to be released early this year, challenges are Analysis: Overenthusiastic, overly optimis- though – as at Friday 18 March – construction sation” for the gym’s demolition. return to the bulk of students while using their economics. Traditional and mathematically-centred once again posed for the study of political economy. tic, overachiever Philomena. After I explain continues with much still to be done. Given the limited amenities associated with money to largely support sport dominated by the orthodox economics is more concerned with statis- The proposed restructure would scrap the BPESS to her that five minutes is the time needed There is no doubting the quality of the facil- the unpleasant looking, 45-year-old facility, privileged is troubling. tical and analytical elegance. It attempts to imitate undergraduate degree, but retain the BEc. to walk from Redfern station to Oz Turk Jr., ity, which boasts a new 1100-seat grandstand, which only contained basic, dated martial arts This is by no means the University’s most the "hard sciences", such as physics, and ignores the Emeritus Professor Frank Stilwell, who joined her eyes widen in shock as she realises, too elite-athlete gym, outdoor entertainment are- and boxing facilities, one might question whether egregious misuse of student money. But it is complexities of society. the Department of Economics in 1970 and was late, the reason for her consistent tardiness as, supporters’ bar, lighting for night games and there was a debt to pay in the first place. certainly symptomatic of a broader problem, In response to the dispute, the University was central to the struggle for political economy over to her 10am English tutorial. training, and a new indoor cricket training cen- In SUSF’s mind, however, the University still especially as SUSF looks to repeatedly exagger- forced to establish a committee of inquiry that the subsequent decades, describes this decision as tre. No expense was spared, with total costs in the owes it more, as it caused what President Bruce ate the costs associated with the demolition of recommended creating a separate department “pernicious”, saying “if the university restructure order of $12.5 million. According to Sydney Uni- Ross called “an enormous dislocation of our a crumbling facility to expand. of Political Economy. This proposal was rejected involves terminating the BPESS degree, we [the versity Sport and Fitness (SUSF) Executive Direc- sporting activities”, one that “imposed a signifi- Sometime in the coming weeks construc- by the Department of Economics, who succeed- department] will be worse off”. Despite students EXHIBIT B: Aurelien tor, Robert Smithies, while the project is behind cant financial burden.” Despite nearly four years tion should end. When the scaffolds are ed in diminishing the committee’s proposals and still being able to take Political Economy units schedule, it has not exceeded its budget. passing, two facilities, and approximately $20 removed, however, most students won’t get a instead introduced a small number of individual within other degrees, Stilwell says that “enrol- Time estimated: “25 minutes, it’s my Unsurprisingly, SUSF contributed a significant million in remuneration for a facility of question- sporting facility. Rather, they’ll get yet anoth- courses on political economy to be taught within ments [in political economy units] would suffer, daily cardio.” amount towards its construction – $5 million, able and diminishing utility, SUSF expects more. er shining monument to the ongoing frivolity, their department. and therefore in the medium term, our staffing Analysis: Unclear whether Aurelien is some of which was sourced from the Student Ser- Ross had a different view of the Oval No. 2 inequity, and downright silliness that is the Unsurprisingly, the staff and students who would suffer under these proposals”. The intro- pessimistic or simply the victim of time vices Amenities Fee (SSAF). “SSAF contributions development. “It is a precursor to other much University’s indulgence of SUSF. had pushed for greater change were not satis- duction of the BEc(SocSci) alongside the BEc dilation due to his faster-than-light-speed make up less than 20 per cent [$2.5 million] of needed building works such as the replacement fied, marking the beginning of a 35-year struggle aimed to resolve the dispute within the Econom- walking pace. Upon careful considera- the overall cost,” said Smithies, and were sourced of our boat shed, provision of a hockey pitch, to establish a dedicated department of Political ics Department, and if its contemporary were to tion, I decide that it’s a combination of from the SSAF “capital sinking fund”, established relocation of the baseball diamond, installation of Economy. Their vision was only realised in 2008. be abolished, it would create a “very unbalanced” the former, and the fact that Aurelien has in 2013. Where SUSF acquired the remaining new cricket wickets, the laying of an artificial turf Art: Amandine The dispute between those advocating the system according to Stilwell. never walked from Redfern to University. $2.5 million is anyone’s guess but student money surface on The Square, and increasing the dimen- Le Bellec study of political economy and those oppos- The world after the global financial crisis – either in the form of SUSF membership or SSAF sions of the playing area on Oval No. 1,” he said. ing it raged through the 1970s and 1980s. It is in greater need of alternative approaches to fees – likely accounted for at least part of it. It is natural to query whether this is an effective featured increasingly militant student protests, economics than ever before. Economic inequal- In any event, that $2.5 million is consider- use of student money, especially since its ameni- multiple student suspensions, and the sacking ity, instability and climate change highlight this EXHIBIT C: Maurice ably more than the Students Representative ties are ostensibly only available to members of of several academics. Indeed in June 1983, an need, and according to Stilwell “if we don’t have Council (SRC) received in 2014 SSAF negota- elite rugby and soccer teams, many of whom, at entire issue of Honi Soit was dedicated to the institutional arrangements that focus on these Time estimated: “13 minutes.” tions, and not too far off the amount received least in the case of the former, are non-students issue. In 1979, as President of the Students’ complex problems in an interdisciplinary way, Analysis: Bingo. A seasoned Redfern by the University of Sydney Union (USU). paid to play in a semi-professional competition. Representative Council, Tony Abbott staunchly the University will not be properly carrying out walker. His response, only 17 seconds The University itself contributed a further $5 According to Smithies, the indoor cricket nets opposed the push for political economy cours- its functions in society. And so it is absolutely off the Objectively and Scientifically million towards the project, dipping into students' and function room would “be made available to es, while Anthony Albanese took to the clock imperative that we retain a department of Polit- Accurate Average leaves me curious pockets once more. Smithies said this figure was students for hire”, though students would still tower in the Quadrangle, along with fellow ical Economy, a degree of BPESS, that gives stu- as to whether he, too, has undertaken “compensation to SUSF for the bulldozing of the have to pay for them. The other facilities, appar- protestors, to support them. Malcolm Turn- dents the opportunity to study and research in the same traumatising yet enlightening HK Ward gym”, which in 2012 cleared way for the ently, would not be available. bull tried to play a mediating role between the these crucially important areas.” research that I have. University’s new Charles Perkins Centre. Smithies argued this exclusivity would, in net Department of Economics and students, and For more than four decades, the political econ- The demolition of the HK Ward gym has terms, increase access for students, “free[ing] up "Man is condemned to be free; because once succeeded in carrying a motion to establish a omy dispute has raged at Sydney University. The been a catalyst, or, to be more cynical, a lousy much needed space at other sporting facilities for thrown into the world, he is responsible for second committee of inquiry, but ultimately events of the past decade suggest the study of *All names changed to protect these individu- excuse, for a number of SUSF projects since then, the general student population.” Smithies did not, everything he does." – Joe (18 months) failed to ease tensions. Political Economy is more relevant than ever. als and/or their embarrassing gaffes. 8 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 9 OPINION FEATURE Islamophobia: it's a feminist issue, too

Sahra Magan thinks intersectionality is key to any discussion of Islamophobia

Islamophobia. The knee-jerk reaction is to visual- ise the public spectacles of hate and hostility vividly reported in the media, the theatrics of anti-Islam rallies, the grotesque comedy of the anti-Halal movement and the bigotry of political policies that denigrate mosques. When it comes to the more insidious everyday experiences of Islamophobia, it is hardly surprising the silence is more resolute. The primary victims of everyday islamopho- bia are those most “visibly” Muslim – women who wear the headscarf or hijab. These women are abused on a daily basis as their “oppression” is simultaneously used to justify denigrating their communities. The graffiti on USyd posters report- ed by Honi last week exemplified this, with some of it reading “Muslims rape babies”. A March 10 post on USyd rants shows the same “concern” for Muslim women used to justify racism. A Muslim woman posted asking for men not to not hug or offer her, or other women wearing hijabs, a handshake. The post couldn’t have been more polite, yet the response was sadly as expect- ed. With 64 likes, one of the first comments reads, “It [refusing a handshake] makes me consider that your values are entirely contingent upon what religion your parents indoctrinated you into as opposed to a well thought out position on men Art: Steph not touching women.” Barahona “Women need not be untouchable or unseea- ble objects,” the commenter concludes. The lan- as oppressed and docile relics are not new. They- need to be understood in a matrix that recognises guage of sexual liberation often used by feminists persists in Orientalist understandings of Islam, the relevance of sexism and racism in informing and sexists alike used to justify bigotry. where white men try to “save” Muslim women. the ways scarved Muslim women of colour expe- There’s no inconsistency in the minds of Islamo- All the while, they brazenly attack us on trains, in rience Islamophobia. phobes who rationalise their vitriol towards Muslim shopping centres and other public spaces. It does a disservice to victims when the women on the grounds of empowering us, yet in the Understanding these patterns of violence and framing of Islamophobia does not reflect the same breath abuse us. It reflects our dehumanisation; abuse cannot be situated in a discussion that intersectionality of their experiences, because we are not women, we are mere representations of only addresses the “religious” motivations of it implicitly validates the social narrative that their own ignorant perceptions of Muslims. these incidences. Islamophobic incidents cannot regards their experiences and voices as less These perceptions of scarved Muslim women be divorced from the identity of the victims and worthy of recognition. Do something Will Edwards on why saving Safe Schools will require more than angry Facebook posts

You probably know a lot of people with strong isn’t accompanied by actions which erode real Safe They claim to represent a silent majority; show political opinions. You probably know far fewer inequalities. Thinking righteous thoughts is little Schools them how loud a majority really is. people who act on those opinions. different than thinking bigoted ones if you don’t stats Teach those around you what Safe Schools is The Liberal-National government has imposed act on either of them. and why it matters. The arguments against it are severe restrictions on Safe Schools, an anti-bully- We on the left shouldn’t be so eager to congrat- Number predicated on lies, including the age-old maxim The parent ing program designed to make schools safe and ulate each other for sharing politically savvy con- of schools that gays are paedophiles, so the best way to fight inclusive for LGBTIA students. These restrictions tent inside our own ideological bubbles. Save the signed up them is with the truth. The more people know the are designed to undermine the program until it congratulations for when, by words and deeds, we more they’ll care, and the more people care about can be defunded in 2017, the latter pending the actually achieve something. something the harder it is for the government to The University of Sydney is an accredited government’s re-election. Which raises the question: how? Effecting real 534 take it away. I’m writing this on Friday night, the day these social change is, of course, hard. I suspect that’s why Advocate the program to your local MP. Every breastfeeding friendly workplace, with restrictions were announced. My social media more people aren’t doing it. But it is achievable. letter and email sent to MPs helps, because MPs accounts are boiling with outrage and condemna- Back to Safe Schools, the Liberals and Nation- Number of prioritise (especially during elections) the issues detailed guidelines and support services – tion of the government. I quickly lose count of my als have dealt it a wounding blow, but it isn’t dead schools who they think matter to voters. progressive friends’ posts about the importance of yet. This year is an election year, which means voluntarily I wrote above that achieving social change is but only for staff. the program. But I can count on just one hand how there’s no time the government is more suscep- withdrew hard. And it is, for individuals. But collectively, trap many of them actually tried to save Safe Schools. tible to being pressured or replaced. This is when following the if enough people just do a little bit each, this is Why do people care enough to use CAPS LOCK the citizenry is most powerful and politicians are government's one battle we can easily win. Support for LGB- Amelia Birnie talks to the students in their angry Facebook statuses but not care most inclined to heed them, so let’s make our- review TIA rights is the majority position now. If a vocal enough to actually do something constructive? selves heard. Here’s what you can do. minority has done this much damage to Safe who fell through the cracks. I’m not suggesting that people aren’t entitled Protest the Australian Christian Lobby at Schools, surely a vocal majority can reverse it. to hold political opinions. I’m suggesting that 12:30pm April 23 at the Wesley Conference 1 We only need to make the effort, to support our merely having views isn’t enough. Believing in Centre. ACL started the campaign against Safe beliefs with our actions. So don’t just stand there, Art by Johanna Roberts equality doesn’t create a more equal society if it Schools, so let’s finish them before we finish it. do something. 10 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 11 FEATURE FEATURE

I did find that the parents’ facilities were often we had to go wherever we could find two places are nowhere near enough places at campus child- far away from where I was on campus and when and it turned out to be pretty dodgy. There was a care facilities.” you’re pregnant, you move slowly and getting bad standard of care and they didn’t register any “It means Eleanor has to come to campus with places is pretty hard and quite tiring. Also the of our attendances with the Department of Edu- me sometimes and I have been able to use chang- women’s room is not just a space for mothers, it’s cation, which meant we had to fight to get our ing rooms, but when I was expressing I never vis- used by all kinds of different women, so it’s not rebate. It was really crap and we had to get out of ited campus because I didn’t feel comfortable.” really appropriate for breastfeeding or nursing there as fast as possible.” A University of Sydney Union survey of stu- when it’s busy or loud.” Louise discontinued her studies in 2013 and dents with children last year found 68 per cent Professor White agrees there needs to be more admits she’s unlikely to go back. “I was studying rely on childcare to complete their studies, but parents’ rooms spread generously and strategical- an accelerated post-graduate course, so I could 93 per cent don’t use campus childcare cen- ly across the campus: “I have to admit it came as apply to have a reduced load, but they had a pol- tres. Those who did were on the waiting list for a shock to me when I discovered there wasn’t a icy of no part-time,” says Louise. “There was a between 14 and 20 months. “I rang up the main info line parents’ room in every faculty.” sense that everyone should just keep up and if you One parent reported having to breastfeed in “During my tenure as Dean, we always had can’t manage with kids then just don’t do it. But if a toilet cubicle because she was unable to find and asked who I should talk a parents’ room in the nursing faculty. Saying you’re pregnant or breastfeeding, it’s not like you a parents’ room, while another was consistently there’s one in a building that’s a 25-minute walk can stay up all night drinking coffee.” late to class because their childcare centre didn’t to about breastfeeding on away is just not acceptable.” “I’m in a professional job now that I’m happy open until 8am, the same time their tutorial Parents who are studying at the University of with, but I did want to resume my studies at the started. Louise says she struggled to find infor- campus and the person didn’t Sydney also have priority at five-day care centres time. It just wasn’t accessible. It’s not something mation when trying to apply to have her study near the Camperdown and Cumberland campus- I pushed for because you can see pretty clearly load reduced. transfer me. She just said ‘I es, including two discounted union centres. But from the outset how difficult it was going to be.” “There was nothing easily available and it the Access Card discount is less than $5 a day at Louise isn’t alone. Kate is in her fifth year of a would have been good just to have some infor- strongly advise you not to most, and according to Louise, you have to be Bachelor of Arts, but is having to reconsider her mation about the process so I don’t have to very lucky to get a spot. studies after the birth of her daughter. jump through so many hoops,” she says.“It was breastfeed publicly, there are “I was applying for on-campus childcare “While I was pregnant with Eleanor in the also somewhat dependent on the person who before I started studying and we were on the first semester of last year, I was enrolled in sub- reviewed my application, who luckily had a pretty rooms for that sort of thing.’” waiting list for a year, but that’s pretty standard,” jects, but my health took a toll during pregnan- positive attitude towards women and pregnancy.” says Louise. “I kept calling and asking, ‘Is there cy,” Kate says. “Two of my tutors were really “But if it had been someone who didn’t under- anything yet? Is there anything yet?’ and eventu- encouraging and supportive and I was able to stand the experience or didn’t have a particularly ally I got a spot for my daughter, but lots of peo- get extensions on assignments without much feminist outlook, they could have easily said no. ple don’t end up with spaces, especially if their ado. However, one of my tutors actually asked There’s no guide or standard for decisions.” children are under two.” me whether I should even be at uni and I think According to Professor White, no student “Because of mandatory carer ratios, most cen- my confidence took a massive hit after that, so I should be disadvantaged in this way. “It comes tres don’t have the space for any more than eight ended up discontinuing.” down to a lack of communication. I don’t believe children under two, so that makes the waiting list Eleanor will be one year old in June this year, but it’s a lack of willingness, I really don’t.” pretty much pointless. They give priority to stu- Kate is struggling to get her degree back on track. “The University’s policies and support servic- dents and that’s great, but if there aren’t the spac- “I’m having to re-evaluate my options because es, there aren’t the spaces.” I haven’t been able to secure a childcare place for t just seven weeks old, the Universi- the person didn’t transfer me,” she tells me. “She dren is rather unwelcoming,” he says. The policy When Louise had her second child in 2014, she my daughter, so I’m trying to juggle schedules ty of Sydney’s youngest law student just said ‘I strongly advise you not to breastfeed starts by reaffirming that the University is a fam- was unable to secure another spot. “Because we with my partner, who is also a student,” Kate says. “The University of Sydney’s sits quietly in the back row of a con- publicly, there are rooms for that sort of thing’. I ily-friendly organisation, but then details the couldn’t get both of our kids into the same centre, “I don’t have any other family in Sydney and there A tracts seminar in the new Law School was really angry, I mean of course the legal right “limited and controlled circumstances” in which breastfeeding policy is Building. Like many students, Pippi naps during of every parent is that they can feed their children children are permitted. “I think the University class, giggles at inappropriate moments and occa- anywhere, anytime, but I was too scared to con- should be progressive about children on campus staff-focused, not student- sionally throws a tantrum and needs to leave the front them about it.” and people should be able to cope without freak- room to calm down. But most importantly, the The University of Sydney was accredited as a ing out,” says Campbell. focused.” newborn is allowed to feed constantly through- breastfeeding friendly workplace last year in rec- A University spokesperson confirmed a parent out class, while her mum, Olympia Walker-Galt, ognition of the support it has in place for moth- or carer may be permitted to bring a child to lec- listens, learns and lulls her daughter to sleep to ers who choose to combine breastfeeding and tures or tutorials for the purpose of breastfeeding, the sound of the lecturer’s unintentional lullaby. work. Disappointingly, the detailed guidelines for but only with permission from the person con- “If I hadn’t been able to breastfeed in class, breastfeeding and expressing on campus are only ducting the class. es need to be much more widely publicised, I it definitely would have made me feel guilty available on the staff intranet, which is not acces- Professor White says this policy needs to mean it’s not okay to be changing bub’s nappy about trying to juggle work and uni and chil- sible to students. change. “Women shouldn’t have to ask permis- on benches or toilets because of a lack of infor- dren,” says Olympia, who is taking her post- Amanda Volpatti from the Australian Breast- sion, it should be more of a courtesy of inform- mation. I don’t see reluctance on the part of the graduate studies part time. feeding Association says the accreditation is ing the tutor,” she says. “There are some circum- University, but what do you tackle first? There’s “Because of the way the part-time Juris Doc- awarded based on support available to staff, rath- stances obviously where it’s not appropriate, for so much that’s been done and there’s so much tor is structured, I would have had to defer for a er than students. “Accreditation is based around instance you wouldn’t have a baby in the clin- still to do,” she says. year and it would have felt like I was never going three criteria: having private spaces for mothers ical labs. But as long as there are no workplace The Australian Breastfeeding Association talks to finish. I kind of assumed that I could feed, but to feed or express; allowing them time to do so; health and safety issues it should absolutely be an a lot about the business case for creating a breast- I was concerned about whether I could actually and workplaces need to have a clear communi- expectation that you can breastfeed in class, but a feeding and parent friendly workplace. Helping bring her to class with me, but everyone was real- cation strategy in place to build a supportive cul- courtesy to inform the tutor that you are going to. mothers transition back to work means their skills ly positive and supportive when I asked.” ture,” she says. That’s all the policy needs to say.” are retained and time and money are saved by not 28 years earlier and 300 metres away, another “The University of Sydney’s breastfeeding poli- The University has 11 parents’ rooms located having to retrain new staff. Workplaces also ben- mother had quietly nursed her daughter during cy is staff focused, not student focused, but anec- efit from the savings associated with a healthier a tutorial in an upstairs classroom of the Quad. dotally there is support for students who need and happier workforce, as well as the reputational Jill White would go on to lead Sydney’s Facul- to breastfeed in class. Some universities do have value of being a family-friendly employer. ty of Nursing and Midwifery as Dean, before specific breastfeeding guidelines for students, but But what is the business case for family-friend- being awarded an Order of Australia Medal in I would love to see students breastfeeding in class “Women shouldn’t have to ly universities? Louise believes it’s a long-term 2011 for services to nursing and midwifery. become more commonplace. Open communica- investment, rather than an instant return. “If But in 1988, she was studying her Masters of tion is key to normalising the practice for moth- ask permission...it should be we don’t support students with children, we are Education with her daughter Ally in her arms. “I ers and other students as well.” going to miss out on great thoughts, great brains did it, but whether breastfeeding in class at the A search of the University of Sydney’s website an expectation.” and great progress,” she says. time was actually acceptable or not is another reveals a two-paragraph document recognis- “This is a broader societal issue. For my first question,” Professor White says. “It was the 1980s ing that some students will need to breastfeed year of returning to work, every cent of the mon- and society was different, but it was a small post- or express on campus and it directs them to the ey I made went into childcare. I actually didn’t graduate class, so I did it anyway and despite a Equity and Diversity Strategy Centre. The state- across its four campuses and touts their high make any money after paying for childcare. We few quizzical looks, everyone was fine.” ment is indeterminate and lacks detailed infor- quality as being integral to its accreditation as a need support and cheap, accessible and quality Unfortunately, not every student’s experi- mation, which presumably could be uncovered breastfeeding friendly workplace. Louise Corney childcare. It needs to be quality, because women ence has been so positive. Last year, Kate Bullen by contacting the specified support agency. But says the Women’s Room in Manning House was don’t need to feel any guiltier about putting their had just been appointed Board Director of the not all students with newborn babies are getting a lifesaver. “I used the room when I was pregnant children into childcare.” University of Sydney Union when she found that far, most likely because they can’t find the with my second child and it was pretty nice and Olympia is incredibly grateful for the support out she was pregnant. At 22 years old, Kate document, or possibly because they don’t want comfortable,” she says. “There’s a couch there to she’s received and is likely to be able to complete was admittedly terrified at first, but decided to to rock the boat. use and accessible power points and internet.” her studies on-time and uninterrupted. “If it continue with the pregnancy and contacted the SRC casework and policy manager James “Your body really gets run down in the first wasn’t for the support of my family and the Law University for advice. Campbell can understand why students would stages of pregnancy and having a private space faculty, I would be on a very different path.” “I rang up the main info line and asked who I be apprehensive. “Perhaps I am being a bit when you’re feeling under the weather is a pret- should talk to about breastfeeding on campus and harsh, but I think the University’s policy on chil- ty big deal, especially with morning sickness. But 12 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 13 PERSPECTIVE PERSPECTIVE

quarks in neutrons and protons in a nucleus, of elec- trons, of particles governed by the laws of quantum physics. Quantum physics, a study so confusing that one of its defining qualities is uncertainty, ensures quantum particles behave randomly. Certainty Twitter is weird To choose or about the position of a quantum particle would pre- clude any knowledge of its movement. If the chemical processes in my brain, the interactions between these quantum particles, are Naaman Zhou spent way too long trying to write 140 characters inherently random under the laws of quantum mechanics, then the capacity for thought is inher- tralian Twitter is distinctly its own beast, marked strokes of capitalisation, the tweet "turning my ently random, and free will inevitable. by unique on-purpose misspellings and faux-Aus- headlights off when driving at night,.. so that my traliana. America is responsible for one of Twit- Rivals cannot see me" amassed 3000 retweets. not to choose ter's most culturally distortive movements: a com- In this strange hothouse, the habit of “As Stephen Hawking edy format known as 'Weird Twitter'. Described micro-errors and offbeat phrasing becomes by Time Magazine in mid-2013 as “people saying an established 'voice' in the pretentious liter- Lena Wang is probably indecisive about university noted, yes Zayn incorrect things”, it’s essentially a free approach to ary sense. A mode of talking that’s echoed and punctuation and spelling, a grammatical herd of imitated because it demonstrates that everyone I sat at my table, stooped over a defaced notebook, I was afraid of choice, but also of not making a may still be in One cats, noticeable yet ungoverned. reading it is in on the joke. buried in comfort food and baggy clothes, think- choice. Each fear perpetuated the other in a spi- Of course, every clique has its slang and every If evolution is basically the replication of mis- ing and rethinking my degree. What was I doing? raling, chaotic waltz. Like a millennial teenager Direction in a parallel internet subculture, its meme. This is a univer- takes, then Twitter’s weird lingo is Darwinism in Where was I going? I pictured myself bald and finding comfort in the rituals of MySpace, my sal fact. What makes Twitter incredible is how action. With smaller messages made more fre- middle-aged, dissatisfied with my desk job and my confusion sent me scrabbling desperately for universe" it spins these trends out of the most minor, even quently, there are more typos in an average Twit- similarly balding partner (or my lack of one), redi- institution and order in science and mathematics. linguistically bookish, of tweaks – capitalisations ter post than most other platforms. Meanwhile recting my passions into sports cars and mini-golf. Before we commit, everything is possible. My faith in the mathematical certainty of sci- and adverbial suffixes – that look to the naked eye the retweet button is a built-in multi-generational In the kindergarten era of colourful finger paint- Schrödinger’s Cat, when placed in a bunker with an ence was fruitless and fig-less. It was the inher- indistinguishable from mistake. photocopier. Mistake, both genuine or intention- ings pinned proudly on corkboards, we began to equal chance of dying or staying alive, can be said ent uncertainty of quantum physics that inflicted The root maybe, is an account called @Horse_ al, and change, both crafted or organic, are kicked wonder: “What will I be when I grow up?” We inter- to be both dead and alive, until someone opens the me with free will. Hunched over my desk, star- ebooks. The brainchild of an incognito BuzzFeed on as mutation for a huge public audience. nalised the platitudes of inspirational, self-help mov- bunker and checks. Every possibility – living, dying ing blankly at my wall and daydreaming about staffer, @Horse_ebooks ran for years under the ies and TEDTalks. Thousands of high school students – exists simultaneously in a quantum superposition. quarks, I had no choice but to have choice. premise that it was part bot, part randomiser spent hours at Open Days, ravenously inhaling both But in making our choice, in opening that bunker, The logic of a pressure cooker is that heat and Art: Sam – cutting out erratic snippets from published “If evolution is basically information sessions and free food, poring diligent- we collapse our reality down to one single state, one closed space, left in each other’s company, let you Langford e-books and posting the non-sequitur results. ly over undergraduate guides. Now, in university, lonely possibility, unable to ever experience the other do a lot in very little time. This basic fact is the Examples: “Are you tired of feeling unappreciated the replication of mistakes, between voracious CV-building and clumsy socialis- possibilities of that choice. The cat will forevermore key to incubation, the trick behind the green- for all the hard work you” and “Who Else Wants ing, we still find time to agonise over the direction of be either dead or alive. As Stephen Hawking noted, house, the pathologist’s favourite equation. It is To Become A Golf Ball”. then Twitter’s weird lingo is our lives, what courses to choose, what classes to take. yes, Zayn may still be in One Direction in a parallel the lifeblood of those who accelerate things for a @Horse_ebooks become wildly popular and In such times of indecision, I turn to science. Its universe, where reality collapsed into a different pos- living, and thus the best way to understand how something of a cult influence. The humour of Darwinism in action" formulaic methodology fulfills roles as both my ago- sibility. But sadly, despairingly: he’s solo in ours. If the language works on Twitter. it, essentially, was that it was normal syntactical ny aunt and angsty diary entry. I tried to find the other possibilities are closed, it’s an actuality. The heat: everyone’s competitively jabbering speech, truncated into forms that we instinctively necessary ratio of enjoyment to future employability As I sat there vacillating, pen poised over the messages. The enclosed space: a one-two punch found funny; a sort of knee-jerk reaction of the So while a parallel can be drawn to the now in mathematical differential equations. Each deduc- pros and cons columns in the notebook, I resented of character limit and the platform’s in-built bub- lower cerebral speech centre. What was @Horse_ exhausted linguistic havoc that texting and instant tion was written out in shining black ink, only to be my capacity to choose while feeling guilty for my ble where what you see is what you follow. The ebooks but proof that punctuational mistake or messaging wrought, Twitter is still playing by a smudged as I wrote out the next line. I wished tables ingratitude. Surely, disavowing the Western privilege limited nature of Twitter makes it a place where linguistic weirdness, on its own, is funny enough different rulebook. Texting’s relative two-way pri- and graphs could quantify and solve the all-consum- of freedom is treason? What about those without linguistic change plays at double speed. to make people want to adopt it? vacy meant that while broader trends did happen, ing paralysis of choice and the greed of wanting it all. alternatives? And yet, I condemned the existence of If you look closely enough at Twitter, it's like It’s in this continued spirit that, @dril, one of they did so at the same speed as speech (i.e. grad- I was overwhelmed by choice, confined by the my options, my ability to exercise free will. I hated interrogating a fractal. It's a landscape of small lin- the platform’s most popular accounts, has made ually and only once on TV). Twitter’s twists still paradox of too much freedom. I stood before two my whirring thoughts, the chemical ions firing in guistic bubbles and sub-regionalities. Young Aus- an art of misspelling. With calibrated errors and spin quickest and head down stranger corridors. branching crossroads, trying to see down them as far my neurons, the very physiological processes that as I could. I was Esther from The Bell Jar, staring at took place in my mind. How could my thoughts be “Existence is illusory and it is eternal. the figs on a tree, each fig a wonderful future. Unable nothing but a result of those chemical and physical Nothingness haunts Being." to choose one fig and lose all the rest, she and I are processes, my (w)angst nothing more than electric – Alex (5 months) frozen in indecision – and in our hesitation the figs impulses in my brain? blacken and fall at our feet. I was terrified that this And it was here that science failed me. Those firing Art: Amandine Le Bellec indecision would consume me to the point my choic- chemical ions were made up of quantum particles, of Movers and shakers es disappeared altogether. Robed in ceremony but not in court, nepotism is rife in the law world, writes Natalie Buckett

The rituals of today’s elite are not quite as con- those moving an admission says, “May it please baker or doctor. And yet, antiquated notions of *Horny soit qui mal y penis spicuous or official as those of years gone by. the court, I move that [blank space] be admitted inherited vocation and lineages of privilege still Beneficiaries of privilege can no longer be pin- as a lawyer of this Honourable Court.” permeate certain professions. Though there is pointed by crown or cape. These days, a tiny dis- The blank space allows a mover to use a stu- nothing explicitly negative about simply following Our hero, who will not be named, has just entered Malcolm Turnbull cone of silence, he allows him- tinction in accent is more likely to betray a pri- dent’s familial history to indicate their project- in the steps of one’s parents, much like the Amer- his eighth consecutive hour in the Herbert Smith self a moment's daydream about the Member for vate school education. ed future. You can fairly safely assume there are ican political ancestries of the Kennedy, Clinton Freehills Law Library. It's a tough gig, but some- Wentworth. He then becomes aware of his own Make no mistake though–the traditions of the families in there whose legal lineages stretch for and Bush families, it can feel uncomfortable to one's got to uphold the tort of hard work. And member, risen out of respect. elite are just as opulent as in centuries past. They decades, and that more than a few have close ties watch those so historically empowered continue Breaking up a royal wedding uphold some other things, too, chief among them He can no longer control himself. Closing his are just no longer carried out in the public forum. with the judges observing the admissions. to assume positions of power with so much ease. so you can steal the crown the crotch of his pants, which for the past five eyes, he sees Malcolm before him, a vision in Lib- Sometimes though, when you least expect it, When I went to watch my mum be admitted as And it does feel easy: following a predeter- minutes has been, like our hero, straining upward eral party blue, come to rejuvenate him like he you stumble upon these rituals. When I did, I was mined career path means that certain gateways in search of Greater Things. did the Coalition. Our hero shudders, overcome sitting in the Supreme Court of NSW, surround- are held open for you. Whilst my mum was com- Trap Queen Our hero, however, has not yet noticed any of by paroxysms of pleasure. Malcolm is so close, he ed by Hugo Boss business suits and a battery of “These days, a tiny pleting her law degree later in life, my sister began Fetty Wap (2014) this. It often takes him a while to notice – he con- can almost touch him, almost hear him. bespoke briefcases. hers straight out of high school. As my sister fuses the feeling of sexual arousal for the aching "Do you want the D?" Malcolm whispers lustily, Every year, throughout university, graduates distinction in accent is more graduated from the Australian National Univer- Killer Queen thrill of his Public Law readings, and vice versa. An slipping a hundred dollar bill into the waistline of are admitted as lawyers at a ceremony held at the sity, I wandered into Sydney. Queen (1974) easy mistake to make. His girlfriend, graciously, has our hero's sensible beige boxer-briefs. Supreme Court in NSW. They must bring along a likely to betray a private In law, securing a grad job is heavily contingent yet to object to his moaning judges' names during "I want – I want the HD." person on the Roll of Lawyers in NSW to official- on the network you establish at career nights, cock- King Nothing sex. She daren't object, actually, lest she then have Malcolm nods approvingly. "Of course you do." ly “move” their admission. school education" tail mixers and faculty dinners. Having connections Metallica (1996) to address all of the other things. Sex can easily be, It happens in a handful of exquisite moments. Caricature and banter between law students sug- beforehand undeniably gives you a head start. literally and figuratively, a slippery slope [1]. Some brief slick friction, a stifled, ragged moan. gests they talk about their mummies and daddies I have no doubt that many of the lawyers King for a Day But back, if you will, to our hero, who has at And all over his Public Law textbook, the first lib more than any other aspiring careerist. The ritual- a lawyer, she simply took along a lawyer friend- admitted in the legal admissions ceremony will XTC (1989) last torn his lingering gaze from the textbook for spill of the year. istic nepotism at the legal admissions confirms this. of-a-friend. But when my sister was admitted as go on to do great things, and I view the court sys- a 30-second study break (timed for maximum “May it please the Court, I move that my son, Peter, a lawyer, my mother admitted her. When I am tem in Australia as one of the finest in the world. Royals efficiency). Gazing ponderously upward into the 1. A logical phallus-y, if you will. be admitted as a Lawyer of this Honourable Court.” admitted as a lawyer (touch wood), my sister will Yet, when you stumble into the casual rituals of Lorde (2013) Whilst there is no requirement that a law grad- probably admit me. the legal profession, you can’t help but be remind- * If you remember this pun you should have graduated already. uate elect a member of their family to move them, The days are, thankfully, gone when everyone ed it can be a person's past that determines if they a huge number do. The guiding note provided to ended up doing what their parents did: butcher, will be a mover and a shaker in the future. 14 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 15 CULTURE CULTURE Sugar Babies: The Barber of Seville “If I'm going to fake orgasms, Sippin' wine, killin' time - William Ryan watched the other half kick back Fittingly, just half an hour earlier, I ascended the and is something I am not sure can be overcome. stairs of the Opera House. This was my first time Moreover, as a child reared in an era of fast cuts in the building. And my first time at the opera. and crime-thrillers, I found the narrative of The I may as well get a Birkin out of it." This production of The Barber of Seville had Barber of Seville slow and, in some places, tedious. been met with critical acclaim. Notably, the That being said, revival director Hugh Hal- Sydney Morning Herald gave it four-and-a-half liday did endow the performance with mod- stars, describing it as “unforced, fluent and ern, subtle and frequently comedic touch- openly coloured". es. Smirnoff vodka bottles were dispersed The same could be said about much of the amongst traditional alcohol. An actor playing Nina Dillon Brittonchats audience. Suits were in abundance, expensive a disgruntled doorman sported a punk-rock jewellery hung from necks, and absolutely all hairstyle. A soldier wore a Digger’s costume. to two friends, who also phones were switched to silent. These were Indeed, it would be wrong to say that I was people of passion. So how does a student of the helplessly tangled in the technical complexities happen to be Sugar Babies 21st century fare as a student of the opera? of the opera. Surtitles (translated subtitles) were Indeed, like one staring into an emptied glass provided to aid understanding of the narrative, “With the first time, I just remember so clearly of expensive wine, I found myself wondering, “Is and it was clear that the performers were talented. thinking about that scene in House of Cards where this really worth it?” Like most students, I am flu- Namely, Anna Dowsley played the part of Rosina Kevin Spacey is going down on Zoe Barnes. Like with great impetuosity. Juan José de León brought I kept half imagining [the Daddy] would stop an endearing naivety to a role of Count Almaviva. to do some insidious to-camera monologue,” “Moreover, as a child reared in an era The costuming and set were simply outstanding. Stella said, as we laughed over cheap wine and Concession prices start at $44, though ritzier exchanged war stories. Stella’s a third year Science of fast cuts and crime-thrillers, I found seats cost upwards of $300. For three hours of student at the University of Sydney. She’s a good entertainment in a world-class venue, the former friend and is obsessed with salted caramel pop- The Barber of Seville commences with the love- the narrative of The Barber of Seville is really quite reasonable. corn. She’s also a Sugar Baby. struck Count Almaviva attempting to serenade his Much like the Count Almaviva serenading It’s a Tuesday night and we’re at Stella’s parents' true love, Rosina, on the steps of her home. For the slow, and in some places, tedious." Rosina in the opening scene, I came to The place in the Eastern Suburbs with Cassie, who I’d next three hours, the audience will discover wheth- Barber of Seville hoping to be well received. met a few months earlier as we studied at the State er the Count wins her heart, pulling her out of the Art: Katie ent in neither Italian nor musical theory. This cer- Yet when I left, I questioned how genuinely the Library for our final exams. Cassie’s phone keeps clutches of the despicable Dr Bartolo. Thorburn tainly prevented my appreciation of the medium, opera sought to woo me. going off – her current Daddy is incessantly tex- ting her. Unlike the average night in with friends, I’m recording them both (with their consent of course), bearing their caveat in mind: “Just don’t make it sound more fucked up than it is.” subverting patriarchal constructs of female Sugar Babies aren’t exactly a new phe- “Is it actually that different that I'm sexuality in this way is often argued as empow- nomenon, but the term is. It describes young ering. Cassie’s position is more ambiguous. women who, through websites or bars or occa- giving this guy head, because I want, “Honestly I don’t know. I’ve never thought sionally through their dad’s investment bank- like, a fucking handbag out of him, or about it. I generally don’t go through my life Pardon the French er friends, make “arrangements” with older, and constantly ask myself if this is empowering much wealthier men. “They don’t always have to me and all other women ever.” Stella adds, to involve sex!” Stella wants to remind me. because I owe it to my 'boyfriend'." “Women have to justify and answer for their Peter Burrell-Sander didn’t need a translator to understand Je Ne Sais Quoi Has she ever had a Sugar Daddy she hasn’t had sexual actions more. That’s obvious. I mean I’m sex with? “No,” she laughs. Arrangement, and, like, I had an account for Art: Brigitte a feminist but I don’t make all my decisions, Alana Cherry and Victoria Zerbst’s bilingual writing of some “edgy” productions, this play’s Recently, there was an explosion of media about a day and I get like 15 or 20 offers straight Samaha like, ‘as a woman’. I did the Sugar Daddy thing composition, Je Ne Sais Quoi is a pleasant experi- introspection was simply another way for the coverage on these relationships. “Like, just away. I got to be pretty selective,” Cassie explains. because I thought it’d make me happy,” she says. ence. The first act was laced liberally with come- audience to connect with the universality of the about every fucking white middle-aged, mid- “But it’s also the relationships themselves. It's not Stella doesn’t actually have a Sugar Daddy right dic intent, and the second replaced much of that character’s experiences. The play was informative dle-class male journo had to write a thinkpiece just about sex, it's about them wanting some emo- now though. “I guess I just recognised that what I comedy with a poignancy that left me pondering without being dogmatic, moralising without being on Sugar Daddies. It was just this half-heart- tional attachment, or at least a really good fake of started doing it for – to be able to go out and see the intent of the play long after leaving the thea- heavy-handed pedagogy. Its themes were familiar, ed veil of covering a ‘social phenomenon’ so it. I’ve never become attached to these men in the friends – was completely sacrificed to get money tre. It boasted a small cast of talented performers and yet the setting and presentation made it feel people could imagine themselves fucking hot way most of them have gotten attached to me.” I didn’t actually need out of a guy I didn’t actual- playing roles that, refreshingly, were by no means new and atypical especially for a student audience. young girls,” Stella says. “Look, we can sit here and pretend that Sug- ly like really. The point at which some boring old clear in their villain/victim dichotomies. Yes, It makes no bones about its highbrow nature, Even the University of Sydney has had its ar Daddies are this fucked up perversion of ‘true white guy became the centre of my life, that was there’s a character you’ll dislike more than the admitting in the opening performance that it’s moment in the coverage, with SeekingArrange- romance,’ but to do that we’d have to forget the when I knew I had to quit.” others but you won’t leave hating him. Instead, strewn with largely unnecessary but nonetheless ment.com – one of the more popular sites facili- fact that sex and relationships already have these It’s probably telling that neither Cassie nor you’ll leave with a new perspective. pleasing literary references. No knowledge of tating these relationships – announcing that, with transactions anyway,” Cassie tells me. And she’s Stella really needed the money. Sites like Seeking It’s the tale of four people, not quite two cou- 300 registered Babies, the University ranks higher right. As uncomfortable as Sugar Daddy relation- Arrangement are specifically targeted to young, ples, adrift in the sea of Paris and their own feel- in usage than any other Australian university. ships make us, for many young women, sexual attractive, upper-middle class women, who, ings. Set predominantly in cafes, they attempt to I already know the story of Cassie meeting her relationships already occur in structures of trans- despite the fact are facing the upcoming burden learn about each other, themselves and the nature “The play was informative first Daddy. It was in the bar line at the Sheaf – action and obligation. She owes boys blowjobs, of HECs debt, are likely not to need the money. of relationships, with limited success. It’s sad, and a Double Bay pub. A 50-something-year-old she but they don’t owe her an orgasm. He pays for her “I don’t want to say that I’m not some privi- introspective, but so much more than a tale of woe. without being dogmatic, called the “perfect gentleman”. He ended up fin- drinks, expecting her to entertain him. leged white girl, because I am, but it was a shit- Let’s get it out of the way, a lot of this play is in gering her in the back of his BMW. “Is it actually that different that I’m giving this ty situation [living pay check to pay check]. So French. There’s no denying it. Full on, rapid-fire, moralising without being Stella’s already regaled many tales of awkward guy head because I want, like, a fucking handbag I reckoned that like a couple of dates wouldn’t French. This is going to be what most potential small talk with the pristine Eastern Suburbs wives out of him, or because I owe it to my 'boyfriend'. be a big deal, and I just wouldn’t have to stress,” audience members might be worried about; after heavy-handed pedagogy." of her Daddy’s colleagues. She knows what people There’s always give and take in a relationship, but Stella explains. Stella had initially looked for all how can you enjoy a play you can’t understand? think when they see her – a 20-something, loaded girls, especially girls my age have always got the a Sugar Daddy when her rent was impinging Well, fear not, because the play is in no way with jewellery, and on an older man’s arm. What shit end of the stick.” Either way I owe them some- on her social life. Now, sans-Daddy, she’s been unintelligible to a non-Francophone. I marvelled at arcane literary concepts is however required to I’m wondering though, is what does she think of thing.” This is where she catches me though. If I able to temporarily move back into her par- the fact that, even with absolutely no knowledge as enjoy the experience. the relationships themselves? accept that in my circle of privileged white friends ents’ sprawling Vaucluse mansion. to the exact meaning of the words (and a few subti- Je Ne Sais Quoi is at times subtler than you “I understand the parallels to sex work, and that heterosexual relationships already come with There should be no obligation on Sugar Babies tle hiccups), the performances of all involved actors might expect, but this is part of its charm. It offers I’m not going to pretend they don’t exist,” Stella gendered power dynamics, is formally agreeing to justify their decisions to society. After all, fem- nonetheless made the storyline clear and accessible. no sweeping answers, no great statements as to admits, “But Sugar Daddy relationships aren’t to these obligations, in return for cash, handbags inism has certainly moved away from the idea After all, you don’t need to understand the how the world operates. Yet it tells a story, and tells just prostitution.” Why is that? “Ok well first of or cars, subversion of these structures or acqui- there’s any “right way” for women to be empow- language of a bickering couple to see that they it in a way which is interesting and unexpected. all, and I mean, I’ve never been a prostitute so I escence to them? “Does it even matter anyway?” ered. The question of why women are drawn to are bickering. The passion of the performers Yet the most resounding part of the play was the guess I don’t know 100 per cent, but there’s a very Cassie asks. “If I’m going to fake orgasms, I may this – to pay for their rent, for their HECS debt – conveys everything you really need to know; performances of the actors and actresses, whose different power dynamic. When it ended with as well get a Birkin out of it.” and why older men get off on this sort of arrange- the subtitles are an extra. purpose and passion meant their story could reach Simon [her first Daddy] I started using Seeking Within the world of well-off Sugar Babies, ment, is a different question though. Rather than the sometimes-masturbatory you, no matter what language you speak. Art: Zita Walker 16 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 17 SCIENCE & TECH PROFILE Catalost The Wizard of @Oz_f Joel Hillman (BPharm) (MPS) reports on the ABC’s science reporting Elijah Wilcox-Armitage sat down with Osman Faruqi IRL

to university with very little idea about what you Normal drug-taking Life-threatening lies peddled want to do, but you can meet people that feel “Experts" similarly to yourself. I, in hindsight, stupidly, got apprehensions by the national broadcaster sucked into student politics, which, the more I got into it, the less fulfilling it was.” Osman, however, is still committed to creating positive political change. To me that appears to If you, like me, grew up keen on science, you’ve strokes were predicted to have occurred in the cases must be recorded and investigated – so be one of the driving forces behind his involve- watched the ABC’s popsci show Catalyst. If you, study group as a direct result of the false informa- we’re not missing any info. A good comparison ment in Metapoll. “The way that most political like me, have anything to do with good science, tion peddled by Catalyst. The “experts” (includ- is smoking. We saw a huge increase in lung (and polls work is that they’re owned by media compa- you’ll hate Catalyst. ing a naturopath) the show consulted postulated other) cancers with the increase in smoking in the nies that have their own political interests, either Billed as an accessible educational program cholesterol was not responsible for heart diseases. last century, and a downward trend with smoking in selling newspapers, or projecting a particular explaining both new and established interest The National Heart Foundation said in response reduction. This is not the case for mobile phones political narrative.” pieces on science and medicine, it’s the only show that it was “shocked by the disregard for the and cancer. The incidences of brain tumours have Osman also laments the inaccuracy of the major of its kind on prime time Australian television. extensive evidence”. not increased anywhere near the amount that they polls – he points out that a margin of error of three With an award-studded cast comprised of two Years later, in my practice as a pharmacist, I would need to for there to be any sensible link. points (which is the norm) on a 50-50 result, can physicists, a veterinarian, and a medical research- still feel the aftershock. I must still fight the mis- Professor Rodney Croft, of the International describe the difference between a hung parliament er, you’d be forgiven for expecting a higher calibre conceptions and lies put forward by what the Commission on Non-Ionizing Radiation Pro- and a landslide. To rectify these problems, Meta- of not only journalism, but scientific accuracy. public perceived as a reliable and accurate source. tection said in response to Wi-Fried: “radiof- Putting aside its other failings, three episodes I have had patients directly cite Catalyst as the requency emissions are one of the most heavily stand out to me as reason enough for the show to reason they do not use their meds. researched agents that science has ever assessed, be severely reprimanded. The first two episodes, The third dubious episode,Wi-Fried , aired in and given that, contrary to Catalyst’s claims, no “The way that most political Heart of the Matter (parts 1 and 2), aired in 2013, the last month. In this, Catalyst fabricated anoth- substantiated health effects have emerged”. on the topic of cholesterol-lowering statin drugs. er, arguably more insidious, error – that mobile The fact is, patients don’t have the health lit- polls work is that they’re Statins are the most-prescribed drug class in phones cause cancer. They again used unsub- eracy to know things without medical guidance, Australia, and effectively reduce the risk of heart stantiated claims from false experts (who had but who is giving that guidance is very impor- owned by media companies attacks, strokes and vascular disease. While there shiny titles like “Doctor”) to assert a thoroughly tant. The show and ABC management hasn’t are risks involved with any medication, statins debunked idea. done enough to stop it – simply removing epi- that have their own political have been proven safe and effective. The evidence, actual experts, and all govern- sodes from the website is not enough. The dam- The episodes quoted fraudulent statistics, ing bodies, strongly suggest there is no causal link age has been done. interests, either in selling disgraced or unqualified “experts”, and, as an between non-ionising radiation, such as that put The public should be able to rely on scientists independent USyd research group calculated, out by mobile phones or Wi-Fi, and cancer. to provide a united truth, as is their job, and Cata- newspapers, or projecting was responsible for about 60,000 of the 200,000 We have not observed what would be a cata- lyst has consistently failed to provide accurate and patients studied that ceased using statins in the strophic spike in brain tumours over the last three reliable information. It has demonstrated that it a particular political eight months after the twin episodes. As many decades, despite the ubiquity of mobile phones. does not deserve its place as one of the Australian as 2,900 otherwise preventable heart attacks and Cancer is a “reportable illness” – it is law that all public’s most popular ways of consuming science. narrative”

Poll has been designed to reduce the margin of error in polling results to less than one per cent and offer more policy-oriented questions, with the This is hope of elevating the standard of debate from mere Encrypt this Osman electoralism to being genuinely policy-centric. Faruqi's For me this raises a question: Osman is a man headshot. that has described representative democracy as He said we a device designed to reflect class interests and Jacob Henegan can probably hack you could use it. maintain the system of capitalism. If that is the Handsome. case, it is interesting he has an interest in working A few weeks ago, USyd’s Disability Services sent circumvent the OS, by booting off a USB, mount- within it. When I put this to him, he tells me, “My out an email informing students that a laptop ing the hard drive as an external drive in another bit after 11:30am, Osman Faruqi walks From Osman’s apparent seniority, I’d assumed he approach has been, even if what you’re doing isn’t containing sensitive data had been lost in tran- computer etc., you can access everything on it. up to me in The Shortlist cafe in Red- was 27 or 28, but he’s only 25. fundamentally reshaping society, if you can help sit. The email contained the ominous sentence, Encryption is different. When you encrypt a fern, and he greets me with, if I remem- The fact Osman is so young is the keystone of some people, that’s better than not helping any “While the computer is password protected, the drive, you use a passphrase to scramble the drive Aber correctly, a slightly broad “g’day.” why he’s such an interesting force. There is a devas- others. And that’s not about getting sucked into University is concerned that this does not abso- on a bit-by-bit level. If you try and look at an Meeting Osman is moderately surreal. Any tating lack of young voices in parliament, with only it, that’s about saying, yeah, the system’s broken, lutely guarantee the security of the information.” encrypted drive, it just looks like unreadable non- young, Left-wing Australian that uses Twitter two under 40: Wyatt Roy and James Patterson. but there are still things we can do within it, that As a programmer with some basic knowledge of sense until you decrypt it. probably follows Osman. He tweets a lot. At time of Osman describes them as “factional sycophants actually are about helping people.” security, I know that in security reporting, “com- Last semester, USyd ran a course on practi- writing, he’s tweeted at least 58,600 times. He’s used who have only worked as staffers and for think- However, Osman is not exclusively focused on puter was password protected” is usually code for cal security and penetration testing for the first these tweets to analyse the national political scene tanks”. However, he won’t be running for election domestic parliamentary politics. He also writes “we didn’t even encrypt the drive”. time. The premise of the course was to learn the and promote his articles. I’ve read his thoughts for any time soon. “I ran for parliament last state elec- about pop culture, music in particular. A recent While most people think of password protec- techniques hackers use, with a view to protecting years, tiny snippets of, generally, outrage, hot takes tion, not in a seat that we had much of a chance of article he wrote for The Vocal about Kanye West tion as a padlock, to anyone with even the slight- systems against them – it's common knowledge and analysis. It’s easy to forget the people behind winning, mainly because I cared about the issues was quoted by Lainey, a significant American est idea what they’re doing, it's really more of a within the security community that the best way words on the Internet are real people, that they are in my area and I wanted to articulate them, but one pop culture publication. However, he’s concerned “do not enter” sign. It tells you you shouldn’t be to stop a hacker is to think like one. complicated and contradictory, and not just the of the reasons why I took a step back and decided about the state of the music scene in Sydney at the there, but does bugger all to stop you. A class full of total n00bs went from know- abstraction of their social media presence. I didn’t want to do that again is my whole life until moment, particularly the lack of politically dis- While Disability Services have not confirmed ing nothing about Windows to having system32 Osman’s speaking style is that of someone that point had been, really, working as a staffer and senting perspectives. “I think there’s two things that the laptop was unencrypted – when I asked access (highest level of access) in about 20 min- naturally confident and loud. It helps explain a campaigner. I thought, fuck, I don’t wanna repli- going on. When people are like, music is kind of them they dodged the question – it seems unlike- utes. Now that I know the trick, I could do it to his very prolific career in the combative world of cate those problems.” reflecting like a generation generally, and it’s not ly that it was, or else they would have mentioned any unencrypted Windows computer in about politics and opinion journalism. He’s one of the When I ask him about how he got into politics, so much that that generation doesn’t care about it in their release. In fact, if an encrypted lap- five. It was the easiest attack we learnt – we won't frontrunners of the new wave of young, inter- and whether his mum had much to do with it, he things, it’s that there’s less activism that’s going on top was lost in transit, I doubt they would have publish it here, but anyone who wanted to could net-based, leftist, Australian “opinionistas”. He’s tells me she didn’t. This surprises me, considering that’s articulating like a clear political analysis and reported it, because a correctly encrypted drive find it with a quick Google search. been published widely – including in The Aus- Mehreen Faruqi is an elected Greens Member of project, but then also like, we’re just working way with a secure passphrase is damn near impossible If Disability Services did have unencrypted tralian, The Guardian, and The Drum – as well Parliament. He tells me he became interested in more than older generations were, right? We’re to get into. But what is encryption? drives, as their email implied, they’d be far from as featuring on radio and television. Beyond politics at a young age, but it wasn’t until he went kind of forced by necessity to work harder.” On a normal computer, the password is just the only ones to make this mistake. Overestimat- journalism, he’s worked as a Greens staffer, to UNSW that he began to get involved seriously. Osman can be found at @oz_f and MetaPoll has a lock screen on the operating system that won’t ing the powers of password protection is an all- was NSW State President of NUS, and recent- “To me that was one of the coolest things about just launched and can be found at @MetaPoll. disappear until you enter the password. If you can too-common mistake in cybersecurity. ly co-launched MetaPoll, a super-accurate poll. student politics at that time, that you can come 18 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 19 POWERPOINT SOCIAL AN(TI)NOTATIONS Honiscopes

These are your inspiring DJ Khaled horoscopes straight Your future career from his motivational snapchat

Sagittarius Leo It's all about vibes ya know The key to more success is coco butter

Aries Libra There will be road blocks but we You smart! You loyal! You’re a will overcome it genius!

AN(TI)NOTATIONS s the sun retires on my university folly, I take time to quietly reflect on that facet of my being that simultaneously made Sounds me the darling of tutors and the bane of envious classmates. A The same foghorn heralded my postgraduate suitability. On Taurus Scorpio multiple occasions. Key to more success is clean Keep the path of success clean The most frequently overlooked of Powerpoint’s fea- heart and clean face Powerpoint presentations have always been my forte. It’s that simple. I tures. The key here is unrelenting consistency. Use feel the time is right to share my gift; it makes sense to, for what benefit six-shooter style ricochets for every single bullet point. lies there in taking academic secrets to the undergraduate grave? To this, the typewriter sound effect serves as the per- fect contextual complement. Be bold. Every character I offer you my pentaxioms of Powerpoint. deserves a typewriter stab. Even spaces? Especially spac- es. Otherwise, presentations could seem unbalanced. Gemini Capricorn You want my advice? Don’t Baby, you smart. I want you to play yourself film me taking a shower Signature style

Much ado is made of what constitutes inappropriate Annotated by presentation attire. My attitude has always been ‘dis- Naaman Zhou card the rulebook’. Instead, seek out a signature style Virgo Aquarius piece that will win your tutor over. I, for instance, have They will try to close the door Smh they get mad when u a go-to pair of tassled moccasins. Paired with low-cut on u, just open it have joy sporting socks, they are a sure-fire way to sway even Slide design the most principled tutor. REVELRY IN REVIEW Powerpoint offers a range of sophisticated design pre- sets, and the option to personalise their colour scheme. My preferred theme is the Rococo-inspired “Couture” (used here), in an eye-catching mission brown with Wet and wild Cancer Pisces lime green highlights. Those in my working groups They don’t want you to win. Always have faith. Always have inevitably remark on the unorthodoxy of this aesthet- Isabella Barrett and her poncho went to They don’t want you to have hope ic. My response: why zig when you can zag? the No. 1 record in the country Surreal Sounds Art: Zita Walker

For those of you who have been living under a iPhones than dignities. rock for the past week, let me tell you about Sur- What Surreal does have over other festivals is real Sounds. Held at St Paul's College, this annual cheap drink prices and sandstone walls. In true St Transition timing festival-type party is a night filled with booze and Paul’s College fashion, the stage was not only lit bangers. With tickets selling out at the fastest rate up with an excessive amount of lighting, but also in the event’s history, Surreal Sounds 2016 started a few flames. Holding an unwieldly clicker interferes terribly with off the college informal season with a bang sweet- pre-rehearsed hand gestures. The solution is obvious: er than popping the cork of a $7 Passion Pop. commit a pre-written script to memory, recite this Custom paths The weather may have been gloomy, but no verbatim, and automate slide progression using Pow- true university student would let this stop them “Worst surprise: the portaloos. erpoint’s nifty ‘advance slide after _ seconds’ feature. from making the most out of their $40 ticket. With transitions seamlessly synchronised with your Too often is object animation an afterthought. Excuse In fact, the heavy rain was the perfect way to Enough said." recital, there is no way anything can go wrong. Your my brusqueness, but limiting one’s self to the ‘appear’ showcase the real partiers, who donned hood- tutor will be understandably impressed. default is akin to having access to Debussy’s complete ed ponchos that were about as attractive as their works and listening to his frumpy La Saulaie for bar- enthusiastic dance moves. As the night went on, itone on repeat. Custom motion paths, where objects it became more and more difficult to tell whether Let’s be real though, people don’t really care trace a trail of your choosing before settling on their those white Ralph Lauren shirts were drenched in who plays at Surreal. The night is more about the eventual resting place, are a must. I love paths that rain, sweat or beer. atmosphere as a whole rather than each individ- touch every corner of my slides, erratically, in the With performances from the likes of Sons of ual DJ or song. When asking friends about their shortest amount of time possible. the East, Dom Dolla and Rogers Room, Surreal favourite act of the night, responses were along brought to Sydney University what some term the the lines of, “I can’t really remember, but I had a "The truth is a trap: you cannot get it without it getting you; you “festival experience”. good time.” cannot get the truth by capturing it, only by it’s capturing you." The experience would not have been complete Best surprise: the free sausage sizzle. This – May (5 months) without the mosh-turned-mud-bath (RIP white probably saved a lot of lives. converse), crazy-eyed teenagers and more lost Worst surprise: the portaloos. Enough said. Art: Amandine Le Bellec 20 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 21 SRC CASEWORKERS The SRC is responsible for the content of this page. PUZZLES

Crosswords by Zplig The Census Date is Coming Cryptic ACROSS DOWN 1 Liver can't maintain standard drink after cap 1 Government department satisfy nothing for hursday 31st March is the Census date of ouzo? (8) the Pres. and VP (6) for semester one. This is the date that the 5 Has a meal at home and it leads to trouble 2 He denounced 28-across for detailed brag government considers your enrolment with gluttony perhaps? (4,2) about reserve (6) T at University, and charges you for what- 9 One-lined fallacy deconstructed for mugs (8) 3 Sound conduct's brought back into aware- ever Units you are enrolled from this day. Check 10 Live with a prisoner? That's a warning (6) ness by 7-down's student (5) your University records to make sure that you 12 Loans tending to spiral about interestingly (9) 4 Øust en Landl? [foreign] (4,3) are correctly enrolled in the subjects you want to 13 Mindful of a product on sale (5) 6/18 25-Across' student was a renegade that attempt. If you drop a subject (‘Withdraw – WD’ 14 Understood to lose one's awareness (4) was mad about Roman law and the King ) by the Census date there will be no academic or If you drop 16 Set of laws protecting key rights for strange (9,3,5) financial* penalties. old men (7) 7 Teacher values stoic abstinence of regulari- a subject - 19 Conducted live show before daybreak (7) ties before all else? (8) *International students may have to pay an 21 Brew's benefit? (4) 8 Something that can't be described with our administration fee. Withdraw (WD) 24 Perhaps Churchill's retro-charm didn't faculties is meaningless (8) quite fit with the King? (5) 11 Singers make their descend into harmony? (4) If dropping Units makes you part time (that by the Census 25 "Skill is captured by books regularly? A lie!" 15 Draw attention to new sedative containing is with less than 18 credit points) please consider - 3-down's student (9) tiny bit of Ritalin (9) the following: date there will 27 Referring to the set books' epilogue leads to 17 Counters cruel treatment with a cold complete embarrassment - fairly nasty ironi- shoulder initially (8) CENTRELINK be no academic cally (6) 18 See 6 Part-time students are usually unable to 28 Senator and whip row about initial inves- 20 Pull out a tie to attract (4) receive Youth Allowance, Austudy, or Abstudy. or financial* tigation (8) 21 Senior clergy man, e.g. (7) Some exceptions apply if you are currently unwell 29 I Claudius' ending always felt dry? (6) 22 Two paths lead to a single big step? (6) or have a disability. Talk to an SRC caseworker penalties. 30 During school break; odd bit of kelp pro- 23 Justice brought an end to the last of the before dropping subjects to get advice about this. duced rash (8) Rolling Stones? (6) 26 Expect fine to be over £1000 (5)

INTERNATIONAL STUDENT VISAS Most student visas require international stu- ACROSS DOWN dents to study a full load of 24 credit points. A few exceptions apply. Talk to your SRC casework- 1 Long running BBC medical drama (8) 1 Elegant (6) Quick er before dropping subjects to get advice about 5 Each (6) 2 You'd have to take many steps to champion this. The SRC also has a Migration lawyer who 9 6 Down, for example (8) them? (6) can help with visa questions. 10 Two, or a few (6) 3 Footballer: Pitch: Gladiator: ____ (5) 12 Dividing students by their abilities (9) 4 Fee to be a 19-Across (7) 13 Crème de la crème (5) 6 Moriarty, for one (9) 14 Extent (4) 7 Clearly shown (8) 16 Raw fish (7) 8 Critical explanation of a text (8) 19 Almost all 6-Downs were this at one point (7) 11 21-Down and others (4) Ask Abe 21 Class (4) 15 Essentially day-care, rudely (9) 24 Set of principles (5) 17 Meeting that every 19-across attends (8) SRC caseworker HELP Q&A 25 Dining hall (9) 18 Feeling of great elation (8) 27 What you do at a library (6) 20 One fourth of the school year (4) IN A PICKLE? 28 What most good 6-Downs do (8) 21 XV (7) Dear Abe, 29 Like some exams (6) 22 College ____ (6) 30 Famous Dane writer (8) 23 Monty ____ (6) I applied for Youth Allowance at the end of 26 Very thin breakfast (5) December and I still haven’t received any word from Centrelink about granting the payment. I am finding it really difficult to pay my rent and buy food. What should I do? I applied Sudoku Running Out Of Patience and Target for Youth Target Sudoku by Zplig Dear Running Out Of Patience, Allowance Criminal Charges Many people have reported this problem. We at the end of have heard that it is a combination of low staff numbers and a new Computer system that is December and Motor Vehicle Accidents slowing Centrelink’s processing rates. This situa- Fines tion is completely unacceptable. Check with Cen- I still haven’t Quiz trelink to see if they need more information from you or if there is another reason they have not received any Insurance 1. Which of the following is not a registered society with the USU made a decision. If the problem is just the slow Debts Lol: 12, You're not fired: 16, C&S program? a) Hepatitis B Free Society b) Flair Society c) Yo-yo processing time that many people are facing we word from Mensa level: 21 Society d) Pen Society suggest you contact your Federal Member of Par- Immigration 2. Epistaxis is the medical term for what ailment? liament or the Commonwealth Ombudsman to Centrelink ...and more 3. Which world city has the largest population? make a complaint and see if they can help speed 4. Which actor is Mickey Mouse named after? things up for you or everyone too. about granting 5. How many carats is pure gold? As a stopgap measure you can talk to the Uni- 6. Which opened first: Laneway or Courtyard? versity’s Financial Assistance Service to see if they the payment. If You Have a Legal Problem, 7. Name the six Tiny Teddies. will give you an interest free loan. 8. What was the name of the youngest Twist sibling in Round the You might also want to read our SRC Guide to We Can Help for FREE! Twist? Living on Little Money at Week 3 quiz solutions: 1. Lewisham 2. Uranus 9. True or false: Sydney University Dramatic Society is the oldest http://srcusyd.net.au/src-help/other/ 3. 2013 4. Apes 5. 2008 6. Alexander Hamilton continuing theatre company in Australia? guide-to-living-on-little-money/ 7. Angelique Kerber 8. Random Access Mem- 10. Is Good Friday a public holiday in France? We have a solicitor 法律諮詢 who speaks Cantonese, ory 9. True 10. Mexico 法律アドバイス Mandarin & Japanese Abe Level 1, Wentworth Bldg, University of Sydney p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au Liability limited by This service is provided a scheme approved to you by the Students’ SRC Caseworkers offer advice and support on a range of issues including: e: solicitor @ src.usyd.edu.au under Professional Representative Council, Standards Legislation. University of Sydney To learn how to do the cryptic and meet other Academic Issues, Tenancy issues, Centrelink and more. ACN 146 653 143 | MARN 1276171 cruciverbalists, find theCrossword Society 9660 5222 or [email protected] Thursday 10am-12pm outside Hermann’s. HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 23 SUPRA is responsible for the content of these pages. SUPRA The Postgrad Pages PRESENTED BY Dear citizens, Why did SUPRA join the Student Protest against the University Restructure? my postgraduates, Ahmed Bin Suhaib & Fatima Rauf encourage postgraduate involvement

to get specialized advice from their faculties any- already over-crowded main campus where there centre needs resources, be they better comput- of April, and for every regular teaching week of more. Siobhan further added: “following the uni- is no studio space for arts students. ers or a microwave, we want to know. SUPRA is this semester, I will be in SUPRA’s offices (Level versity wide staff cuts, many pivotal staff mem- The SCA community was present at the protest effectively offering an open channel for you to 2, Holme Building) waiting to hear from you. If bers in the administration area were let go. One raising concerns about the effect the closure of complain about stuff, and then together, you and you have any problems at all, or questions about of the most disruptive results of the restructuring, SCA will have on both the SCA students and stu- I, we will launch into campaign mode and try and anything, I want to hear from you. Drop by the was the removal of special consideration from dents on the main campus. The SCA represent- fix it. And fix it we will, because SUPRA knows SUPRA office, ask for Tom, or if you prefer more in-house, making applications for special consid- atives were disappointed that students have not how to win. formal asking (I don’t), ‘the Vice President.’ Any- eration both tedious and less personal.” actively protested against closing of Callum Park thing at all you have to say, anything you want to Further, the reduction of admin staff could even though they are unhappy about the decision. voice; well, I want to hear it. If it sucks and you be expected across each faculties after they are SUPRA wants to protect the interests of the Basically, if there are some want it fixed, then fix it we will. merged. These mergers will merge postgraduate community it represents hence we were present And so now I sign off, my dear postgraduates, students while reduce the number of staff which with a yellow and black banner clearing stating I write to you today to discuss how you can use shite conditions in your faculty, and hope that if you want to have your voice heard will reduce staff per student ratio. that we are against course cuts, staff cuts, and SUPRA to change things for the better. SUPRA that it will be heard, because we certainly want to The biggest problem, however, with faculty faculty mergers. The postgraduate community had plenty of wins in 2015. We have implement- or if you are not getting the hear from you. I hope that you come to us, speak mergers will arise from the merging of Sydney should join their representatives and make their ed stronger and more student oriented HDR and feedback, teaching quality, and to us and use us for the purpose we serve. We are On 16th March, students and staff gathered at College of Arts (SCA) with the faculty of Edu- voices heard. progress review policy, which benefits all research a mouthpiece; a megaphone. We need you to give Carslaw to protest against the proposed changes cation and faculty of Social Works. This merger The battle against the restructure has begun students. We have ensured simple extensions will classroom conditions that you us something to shout about. to the university. Together they marched from comes with the proposal of closing down SCA’s and we need your support to continue fighting for remain in University policy, meaning all course- Carslaw to Vice Chancellor Michael Spence’s Callum Park Campus. the quality of our education. It is important that work students still have those rights when fac- need, we want to know. Yours in Solidarity, office chanting “No cuts! No fees! No Corporate For years SCA has been an inspiration to post- we as a community speak loud and clear now. Join ing sickness or misadventure. We have taken Thomas Greenwell university!” graduate art students and has plenty of space SUPRA and the SRC in future protests and forums on the Business School over their shortcomings [email protected] The Student Protest: Fight the Usyd Restruc- for different art classes. With the closure of SCA on restructure. Together we will build a better uni- in teaching support, and secured significant Another way is our recent ‘[Your Faculty] ture, organized by the SRC, has been endorsed by campus, the arts students will be moved to the versity. Together we will build our university. improvements in assessment design, support and Forum’ series. Now this sounds very boring; student organizations, NTEU, and SUPRA. Yet consultation. ‘forum’ is a very tedious word. But I assure you the presence of postgraduate community at the Your postgrad union is filled with dedicated it is definitely way more fun and cathartic than it rally was miniscule compared to undergraduates. representatives who will fight for your rights and sounds! What we want to do with these forums The postgraduate community may have not your study conditions. But we are just that: rep- is to hear, in person, about the various crap con- realized that they will also be affected by pro- resentatives. ditions at this university that effect your learning posed undergraduate course cuts, staff cuts, and To make sure our purpose is served, that being experience. I will bet damn near anything that faculties mergers and thus, it is important for us to serve you, we need your help. And so I write to you think sucks, but you also think is too small to take a stand now before it is too late. you to let you know of some new things SUPRA for anyone to care about; well, I will bet every- Changes to degree structures mainly affects is doing. Because your voice is so important to us, one else thinks it sucks too. And if it sucks, then it undergraduates but the postgraduate community we want to make sure our time is made as availa- definitely matters to us. What these forums are is will also be affected by them. In most faculties, ble as possible so that we can hear it. a chance to come together with postgrads, com- postgraduate coursework students take the same There are some new ways students can make plain about things that suck, and then plan how to core units as undergraduate students. At the their voices heard. The first is our ‘log of claims.’ fix it. Oh, and we will provide free afternoon tea. I Basically, if there are some shite conditions in bet it sounds way more fun now, right? protest, an NTEU member said “changes in the when Safe Schools your faculty, or if you are not getting the feed- Something I will also be doing is opening up degree structure will increase the class size of core is under attack, 12 units.” As it is, postgraduate students are already back, teaching quality, and classroom conditions my time to hear anything postgraduates have to SUPRA stands up that you need, we want to know. If your research say. On a Friday afternoon, starting Friday the 8th treated like undergraduate ones and their experi- and fights back ence from their previous degree is ignored. With bigger classes, postgraduate students will further SUPRA Supervisor of the Year be ignored and the quality of the education they awards receive will be negatively affected even though SYDNEY UNIVERSITY POSTGRADUATE REPRESENTATIVE ASSOCIATION they pay insanely high fees compared to under- graduate students for undertaking the same unit.

The NTEU member further added that with the proposed changes, the University should be hiring more staff not firing them. The SUPRA Supervisor of the Year awards seek to promote, SUPRA Staff cuts affect the quality of education post- graduate students will receive. Teacher student recognise and reward excellence in research higher degree Supervisor of the interaction is already not at optimal level with supervision at the University of Sydney as nominated and the current class sizes and further cuts will only judged by research postgrads. In 2016 one award will be up Year Awards worsen the situation. Further, staff cuts will cause for grabs in each faculty. the remaining staff to be overworked which will affect their working conditions as well as the 2016 students’ learning experience. Siobhan Keller, a Nominations close October 31. Details and nomination Master of Pharmacy Student, complained that forms available from SUPRA, after the recent staff club in the Pharmacy faculty, “ there has been a significant reduction in contact online at bit.ly/supervisor16 between staff and students in the faculty, which Or Email: [email protected] has led to a considerable step backward through- out the university, forcing students to feel more like a number, and less like a person.” Moreover the admin team in each faculty is The SUPRA Supervisor of the Year awards seek to promote, recognise and reward excellence in research higher degree supervision at the being reduced and postgraduates won’t be able University of Sydney as nominated and judged by research postgrads. In 2016 one award will be up for grabs in each faculty.

Nominations close October 31.

Details and nomination forms are available from SUPRA or

Email: [email protected]

24 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 HONI SOIT SEMESTER 1 • WEEK 4 25 SRC REPORTS The SRC is responsible for the content of this page. Notice of Council Meeting Note: tives and the broader student population. If you government, bizarrely, marks IWD by releasing President These pages have a keen interest in decolonisation, Marxism, a national survey on women’s waist sizes, warn- Refugee Rights Officer belong to ecofeminism, environmental justice, or any other ing of the consequences of obesity for women. In the Office Chloe Smith radical theme under the sun, get in touch at rade- countries like Australia, IWD events are too often Steven Kwon 88th Students’ Bearers of [email protected]! We’d love to hear focused on white, bourgeois issues like corporate the SRC. your ideas for workshops and incorporate them gender equity, celebrated at expensive champagne Welcome to week four and almost Easter break! They are into our program. Keep an eye out for our Face- brunches that have little relevance to the lives of The refugee campaign is growing. It’s getting hot. Representative Whilst assignments are probably starting to pile not altered, book page, which will be up soon. most working-class women. Everyone from students to doctors to teachers to up, the break should also be a time for relaxa- edited or Nevertheless, the day still acts as a reminder Christians are taking action. tion and reflection on the semester so far. Last changed in of the same issues feminists have been fighting The letthemstay campaign is building up to a Council, University Wednesday saw the first student-led rally for the any way by General Secretaries for throughout the past century, like fair work- potential of a mass direct action campaign to year to protest the university restructure. Whilst the editors ing conditions, equality in decision-making, and block the refugees from getting deported. Already well-attended and enthusiastic, student activists of Honi Soit bodily autonomy. It is a good time to take stock we have seen a sign of mass industrial action by of Sydney are concerned about the level of involvement of Georgia Mantle and Lachlan Ward of the gains we’ve made (primarily through direct the doctors and nurses at the Lady Cilentio hos- the broader university community – especially actions, like those of the first Women’s Days) and pital, to stop baby Asha from getting deported. the students most affected by the changes, includ- We can happily confirm that at the time of writing the roadblocks that still impede the movement The churches indicated they will be providing ing those from the faculties of Arts, Education this report (4pm Friday the 18th- one hour before (like the corporatisation of gender equality); to sanctuary to refugees and its congregation is tak- and Social Work, and SCA. it’s due) the SRC has submitted its application to remember that without justice for all women, ing physical NVDA (non violent direct action) On April 13th, the second week back, the the University for SSAF. The ball is now officially there is no justice. training anticipating forced deportations. People National Union of Students (the peak repre- in your court University management! Basically in their masses are putting their bodies and their sentative body for tertiary students) has called a now we just have to wait for the university to get potential livelihood on the line, for the refugees. National Day of Action for universities around back to use to confirm what figure we get from Autonomous Collective This is where the action is at. This is the move- DATE: 6th April Australia, calling on the Federal Government to SSAF, from there we will be able to start the pro- ment to be involved in. fully fund higher education and scrap fee dereg- cess of formulating our internal budget. Against Racism Officer But first we have to remember that the #let- TIME: 6pm - 8pm ulation as policy. This second rally for the year We would like to congratulate all the students themstay movement did not arise out of thin air, will be an opportunity for more students to get who came out to the Education Action Groups but was built on the work of tireless refugee activ- involved in the movement for a fair, funded, qual- Rally Against the Restructure last Wednesday Adam Ursino, Aparna Balakumar, ists who continued to hold forums, stalls and ral- LOCATION: Professorial ity higher education system. SRC activists will be and took a stand against the university’s proposed Elizabeth Mora and Lamya Rahman lies to try and reach out to people who care about leafleting, postering, and speaking at lectures to restructure, which will see course cuts, faculty refugees like you, and continued to intervene in get all students involved in the campaign so keep mergers, and huge job losses across the univer- We’d like to welcome all the new members of organizations and its members to take a stand on Board Room (Quadrangle) an eye out for us and feel free to ask any questions. sity community. We encourage students to get ACAR who signed up during O-Week! We hope refugees. And for the movement to go forward, I’ll also use this time of reflection to step out- involved in the campaign by joining the SRC’s you’ve settled into semester 1 with ease and the to politicize people, to change public opinion side the university parameters for a moment and Education Action Group - the next meeting is workload isn’t too exhausting. and to force the hand of Turnbull or Shorten (or talk more broadly about the future of our coun- March 22nd, 2pm, in the SRC offices. This Wednesday at 2pm, we’ll be having our whoever it doesn’t matter): we need people who try. It’s a federal election year and whilst many of Recently a new working group has been creat- first collective meeting. We’ve got lots on the care about refugees like you, to join the rest of the us may not exactly be enamoured with the state ed to address issues of Equity, diversity and cul- agenda, so if you’re free, come along! Shoot a members of the Campus Refugee Action Collec- of politics at the moment, it’s incredibly impor- tive (CRAC), to help bring refugee activism to life Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney ture- these are issues that affect all students (some message to the “Sydney Uni Autonomous Collec- p: 02 9660 5222 | w: src.usyd.edu.au tant that we are aware of the issues, the policies, more then others). As the student representative tive Against Racism” Facebook page to find out on our campus. and what’s at stake when we go to the ballot box. on this group I would love to hear from students where the meeting will be held. During O Week we signed up 200 people to Particularly as students and young people, we as to what their concerns where in relation to In other news, ACAR Revue auditions have our collective and by speaking out about the hor- need to think about issues that affect us like the equity, diversity and culture on campus. Please been happening over the week and it’s been rors in Manus and Nauru in Med lecture theatres, funding of our education, the cost of living and send through any ideas to general.secretary@ thrilling to see so many new people keen to get facilitated the establishment of a sister USYD rent, access to quality and affordable healthcare, usyd.src.edu.au. involved. Stay tuned for updates and new infor- Medical Students for Refugees Collective. And Centrelink and welfare support, penalty rates for We hope everyone is settling into their classes mation pertaining to the revue. together with the Campus Refugee Action Collec- working on weekends, and social justice issues and being to feel comfortable on campus, remem- Another exciting development is the recent tive (CRAC), they have painted banners together, that affect many of our peers. I urge everyone to ber that there are a lot of groups and people announcement of an Ethnocultural Space! In the and marched side by side in the USYD student find out where political parties and representa- around to support you on and off campus, which same vein as the Wom*n’s Space and the Queer Palm Sunday rally march contingent that was fif- tives stand on these issues and, more importantly, is something to keep in mind as workloads begin Space, the Ethnocultural Space will be a space “for ty students big. We will come back onto campus, what they can actually do to implement change to increase. You can always contact help@src. education and safety”. We’d like to thank the Uni- inspired by the diversity and passion of the mass- $ and support people. We are incredibly lucky to usyd.edu.au to get in touch with the SRC Case- versity of Sydney Union, especially Ethnocultural es, to build the refugee movement here at USYD have the privilege of a free vote in this country – works who provide free and confidential advice. portfolio holder Atia Rahim, for working so hard and build our capacity to escalate the fight, for if so make it count. Enjoy the break! to secure a safe and autonomous space for eth- the government starts deporting the refugees. nocultural-identifying students on campus. Keep If you have been thinking about getting Wom*n’s Officer your eyes peeled for updates about the space. involved in refugee activism, please like the Cam- Vice-President Speaking of the USU, we’re working with a pus Refugee Action Collective facebook page to board director to ensure that USU employees stay in touch, and come to CRAC events to join Anna Hush us, because now is the time when you can make Anna Hush receive sensitivity training to govern their inter- actions with wom*n, queer-identifying, ethno- a significant difference! Alternatively message us Last week, the Wom*n’s Collective and the Wom- cultural and differently abled students. A survey on our facebook page, or contact Steven on 0416 It was incredibly inspiring this week to see hun- *n of Colour Collective co-hosted a picnic for our for collective members will be released soon to 406 900 to find out ways to get involved. dreds of staff and students attend the ‘No Faculty collective members, and a contingent took to the help guide the USU and help prevent problematic Mergers, No Cuts’ rally, and march from East- streets to rally on the occasion of the Internation- and racist behaviour. ern Avenue to the Vice Chancellor’s office in the al Women’s Day (IWD) march. The day prompted There are a few ways you can keep in touch Quadrangle. The program of reforms proposed me to reflect the history of IWD, and the poten- with us or get involved. Firstly, you can like our by university management behind closed doors CASH tial that still lies in celebrating the event. Facebook page. Secondly, within the University includes vicious cuts to the range of degrees, loss The first Women’s Day was held 107 years ago of Sydney group on Facebook, there is a group ...FOR YOUR TEXTBOOKS! of administrative jobs through the merging of in Manhattan. The inaugural event was organ- called “Autonomous Collective Against Racism faculties, and hikes to student fees, making edu- ised by the Socialist Party of America, in sol- (ACAR)”. This is an autonomous group, so is open cation even less accessible to low SES students idarity with the strike of the Garment Worker’s to only people of colour, Indigenous people, those USE THAT CASH HOWEVER YOU LIKE, and other minorities. I would like to commend Union. Two thousand women took to the streets who identify as coming from a minority ethno- the Education Action Group for their hard work to demand better pay and working conditions in cultural background and those who identify as BUY OTHER TEXTBOOKS CHEAP FROM US, in organising this rally, and I hope that the stu- the factories. On 8 March 1917, IWD protesters being marginalised by white supremacy. Final- OR GO BUY WHATEVER YOU WANT. dent body will put similar support behind the joined Putilov factory workers in Petrograd to ly, if you’d like to get in contact with the ACAR upcoming National Day of Action on April 16 protest the introduction of food rations, in large- Office Bearers, you can email acar.officers@src. to fight the neo-conservative federal agenda to scale events that eventually triggered the Febru- usyd.edu.au or [email protected]. deregulate the university sector. ary Revolution. The Soviet Union declared IWD In the spirit of free and equitable education, a national holiday the next year, in recognition of representatives at the SRC are continuing to the contributions of women textile workers to the organise the inaugural Radical Education Week, mass strike and the changes it brought about. which will be held in mid Semester 2. We’re very Since then, the revolutionary roots of the day Level 4, Wentworth Building, University of Sydney excited to create a program of skillshares, work- (Next to the International Lounge) have been somewhat watered down, with IWD shops, talks and film screenings to promote peer traditions bearing little resemblance to the first p: 02 9660 4756 | w: src.usyd.edu.au/src-books education around progressive issues, and to foster radical protests. In Italy, the day is celebrated by greater solidarity between different SRC collec- men giving women yellow flowers; the Taiwanese HUNT

Vader is Luke’s dad lol New SUSF Grounds Uncle Makes “Definitely Not For Gradual Shift YIKES! Trending Hunting Humans” From Eccentric Negative Gearing: Ghost New Justin Bieber Album ‘Proof Of The Adam Chalmers is definitely not a jock. To Paranoid can no longer afford to Multiverse’: Experts SSAF negotiations stalled today as Sydney Uni Emma Balfour has made a gradual shift haunt house Four People Sports and Fitness (SUSF) announced their plans from niece who will receive an Easter Jess Zlotnick thinks it is too late for unknown, with police claiming they are “doing for a 28-acre extreme sports center located at a Egg to niece who will not. science to say sorry. their best” to find him. Police did not say whether Who Died remote site in the Blue Mountains. they actually want to find This Earth’s Justin. Melanie Watkins, a local student, has re-examined “Help, I clicked too many Scientists have explained what at first appeared to Too Soon SUSF CEO Greg Mannis says the site will be the relationship she has with her Uncle Rick after a be a new musical direction for popstar Justin Bieber. Further proof of Bizarro Earth has come in the used for “large team sporting events and not for recent family group chat. Wikipedia articles and now arrival of Bizarro Zayn of One Direction, who on (Because hunting humans”. Credit wrongly attributed to a maturation of style for Bizarro Earth never left Bizarro One Direction. Uncle Rick was always the eccentric goofball at I can’t find my way out!” Bieber is in fact the work of a replacement Justin I Assassinated The new sports ground will feature a range of family gatherings, jumping into the pool with kids Bieber from a parallel universe whose musical Bizarro Zayn’s arrival on This Earth restores One terrain, such as rivers and forests, complete and pretending to be a Russian bear attacking them. taste and style is more universally appealing. Direction to their original five and has experts Them) with occasional log cabins for “camping, team asking: if he’s here does that make this Bizarro bonding exercises, and hiding”, said Mr Mannis, His house was always the best to have parties in + More Times I Screened Your Calls Scientists are calling it “proof of the multiverse” as Earth and Bizarro Earth This Earth? while casually surveying the press conference, because he was really into Feng Shui ever since well as “kind of cool I guess. I didn’t like his old occasionally pointing to audience members and he married a Malay woman. stuff but the new album is music I can dance to”. And if this is now Bizarro Earth does that make me mouthing “you’re next”. Bizarro Jess or This Jess? Who is This Jess? Am I Will Edwards either shot Franz Ferdinand Recent events have given Melanie cause for thought. Bizarro Justin has stated that his musical taste is This Jess? If not where is she? What is she doing? or wrote Take Me Out. Same difference. Mr Mannis pointed out that the center could provide I Ate Paul The more along the lines of tropical house and EDM, Is she writing a story about the disappearance of means to teach a variety of new sports, such as white- Melanie’s mother was sharing a vegetarian recipe rather than This Earth’s Justin’s poppy trash filth. Bizarro Justin and Bizarro Zayn? The unyielding spectre of death looms over us all, water rafting, cross-country and marksmanship. to the family WeChat group when Rick made a Psychic Octopus eternal and immutable. We are, all of us, constantly comment about halal certification. The whereabouts of This Earth’s Justin are More as the story develops. WORLD hurtling towards the Void. But some of us arrive “We’ve obtained special licenses to keep a And Now I Can sooner than anticipated, their descents accelerated variety of guns on-site so our shooting team, the When pressed further about his comments, Uncle EXCLUSIVE! by the macabre hands of experts in the art of mortality. Manhunters, can continue SUSF’s proud legacy of Rick said “I just think we should be careful.” See Time!!! World Reaches ‘Peak Meme’ WOW! I am one such expert, and this listicle is the tale of four elite sportsmanship and respecting the sanctity of souls I banished to the Void. human life.” “It’s weird,” said Melanie. “When I was young I Jestika Chand ate some calamari in 2010. Oliver Moore is not a geoscientist memes. However the faceless figure behind one used to think he was hilarious when he made fun such outlet, Bernie Sander’s Dank Meme Stash, 1: Ryan Taylor The Cursor can confirm that no charges have ever of Jesus and religion at family Christmas lunches, Tonight, I ate Paul the Psychic Octopus and during Fears were raised at a conference for the Society dismissed these claims as “preposterous”. been brought against any of the Manhunters. but now I’m starting to think he might just be a bit the resulting coma saw feverish visions of a time- for Meme Conservation today that what experts You will revile me upon learning that Ryan was but a rude and crazy.” space continuum. have dubbed “peak meme” may have been Others have called for stricter regulation on meme child, but heed my words: I do not decide these things. “With this new facility, we can finally hunt the most reached earlier than expected. sourcing and production, citing concerns that I must answer the summons of the ritual. And when dangerous game,” said Mr Mannis. “I just want my silly uncle back, not this weird dude Whether or not time and space exist independently corporations are not following ethical procedures performed properly, I am bound to obey the ritualist. who fetishizes Asian culture and loves 4chan.” of the mind, whether they exist independently of The fears come following a week in which meme in these areas. Ryan’s name was spoke, Ryan’s blood was spilled. I “University funding, that is. Not people,” he said, one another, what accounts for time’s apparently prices have been described as “absolutely will spare you the method of execution. sighting this Cursor reporter down a laser scope Uncle Rick could not be reached for comment as unidirectional flow, the nature of identity and ridiculous” and “completely unreasonable”. Special attention here has been drawn to child labor attached to a lovingly-cradled rifle. he was too busy frequenting /r/conspiracy. whether times other than the present moment exist. Reports released this week showed the average laws, with some reports claiming that children as 2: David Taylor family of four is spending more than a quarter of young as 12 have been forced into meme production. I’ve delved into a fabric of time-space inception, their income on filling up their mememobile. Skulking from Ryan’s cursed room, I approached there is no escape. Paul has encapsulated and A spokesperson for the Society for Meme the master bedroom to find David fast asleep. trapped my mind into infinity. Some commentators have blamed this price Conservation stated that “peak meme” will occur A soft light emanated from his iPad, displaying spike on major meme outlets draining humor by 2020, and added that some experts fear it may his wife Susan’s Ashley Madison profile. He was I have become Paul the Psychic Octopus. supply to waste on low quality or short-lived have already taken place. surrounded by empty beer bottles. In truth I pitied David, and so performed the sacrament of murder His legacy breathes within me. quickly. Killing him was merciful. He is back. The Latest From Milan Fascist Week 3: JFK How To Date IRL: Ann Ding wants to bring the romance back. I am Paul. I also killed JFK. But that was decades before the Are you feeling lonely? Is the only dating you do on the dance floor, so show your potential new mate Taylor family, I just thought you should know. through the massive catalogue of apps on your how you get down. Clean your feathers, inflate your phone that have all been organised into a category throat sac, fan out your iridescent chest scales - pull 4: Susan Taylor labelled “Other”, including that one weird BDSM out all the stops. Don’t forget to pee everywhere so one even though you’re not really into that scene? your sexy, musky scent is unavoidable. I drove David’s car to the house of Susan’s lover, where Well how’s about you put that gizmo away and try I barred the doors and windows from without. The these tips to help you attract some real-world action! 4. Gearing up to hold hands with that special flames spread quickly. Fire pleases the Dreadlord of someone? Slip a sneaky squirt of superglue into the Void; when bodies burn away, souls can reach him 1. Give them a lock of your hair. The more hair, the your palm. Nothing says a cheeky ‘I’m into you’ like quicker. Thus ended my ignoble quest. Sometimes I better. Give them all your hair. Not just your head fusing the skin of your hands together! wonder who brought death to the Taylors (the ritualist hair, either. You have to be thorough. This also masked their face) and why. But then it is not my place makes you resemble an oversized baby, which 5. Want to write a romantic letter to your new to know. I am but a humble instrument of the dark is excellent because they’ll want to hold you and love, but worried that they’ll laugh at your cause. I merely serve and obey. take care of you. Score! unsightly handwriting? Show off your craft skills instead by pasting together a fun colourful letter “If we believe in nothing, if nothing has any meaning 2. Be sure to be well groomed whenever you’re out of words from your favourite magazines. It’ll and if we can affirm no values whatsoever, then Want The Cursor sent to around potential dates. Press your shirts. Polish look zany and unique, just like you! If you decide everything is possible and nothing has any importance.” your Crocs. Lick your eyebrows. to write more letters though, it’s important you - Elle (8 months) your mailbox every week? don’t deviate from the point. Just write their 3. Everyone loves someone who can bust a move name over and over and over again. Art: Amandine Le Bellec Send us a stamped envelope with your postal address or fax us your home number and our carrier pigeon will be with you shortly. LOAD MORE @Mary Ward Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney

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