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The Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 | varsity.co.uk | Friday November 24 2006 | Issue 648 Boris: “A-levels failing in the Darwinian struggle” »Academic dissatisfaction with the A-level »Cambridge Pre-U receives mixed response

ALICE WHITWHAM & and President of the Royal Historical coursework and no chance to re-sit Society Professor Martin Daunton exams. Kevin Stannard, Director of LIZZIE MITCHELL argued, “there are too many small International Curriculum Development modules which do not allow a sense of at CIE, stated that its strength will lie Boris Johnson, Shadow Minister for long term change… or sufficient time in providing “a chance for students Higher Education, has exclusively for reflection as a result of the pres- and teachers to be re-inspired and re- told Varsity that “A-levels seem to be sure of assessment”. Another suggest- excited by learning”. failing in the Darwinian struggle”. ed that the A-level system may be to But the Pre-U is not without The Conservative MP’s bleak blame for the fact that “our current detractors. Its status as a syllabus judgement on the future of the A- first years in English didn’t have a sin- designed primarily to meet the level comes in the wake of a report gle Shakespeare play in common requirements of prospective universi- published in The Times this week among them”. ty students, the threat of a two-tier which stated that over 100 independ- Support for the Pre-U as an alterna- system of independent and state ent schools have expressed a strong tive to the A-level has predominantly schools, and the anachronistic struc- interest in the new Pre-U qualifica- come from the private school sector. ture of the syllabus have all been iden- tion. The Pre-U, currently being Headmaster of Dulwich College, tified as flaws in the new qualification. developed by Cambridge International Graham Able, criticised the present A former teacher from one of Examinations (CIE) and scheduled A-level examination for its “modulari- London’s largest comprehensive to be launched in 2008, has been ty”, “mechanical coursework” and schools, Holland Park, described the lauded as a credible alternative by “lack of open-ended questions”. He Pre-U as “precious” since it “ignores critics of the A-level. As the Shadow emphasised that the loss of teaching the needs of all but a select elite”. Minister argued, “It’s only natural time as a result of the introduction of Indeed, while 805,698 students sat that other means of testing academ- the AS-level in 2000 was a major cause A-level exams last summer, only ic merit should be used”. for concern. He believes that “the ‘one 405,369 went on to higher education. In the week leading up to the start of size fits all approach’ inevitably leads This suggests that if the explicitly uni- Cambridge admissions interviews, to unsatisfactory compromise”. Able versity-orientated Pre-U were to similar concerns about the A-level have told Varsity that in contrast the Pre-U replace the A-level nationwide, it been voiced within the University. “will give back our teaching time and would neglect the needs of half of the Geoff Parks, Director of Admissions for allow more open ended questions… students taking it. Cambridge Colleges, spoke of the “gen- the syllabuses will be a little fuller and The potentially divisive nature of eral concern about the lack of stretch are being designed by experienced the Pre-U was highlighted by the and challenge in the current A-level subject teachers in conjunction with Qualifications and Curriculum system” and “the concomitant lack of university subject admissions offi- Authority (QCA). A spokesperson differentiation at the top end”. cers”. Harrow and Eton are amongst stated “At the moment, if a state Parks’ comments reflect the wider other top independent schools to have school wanted to offer the Pre-U, that doubts of academics across the similarly declared their preference for wouldn’t attract funding from the gov- University. While Philip Ford, the Pre-U as against the current A- ernment, so they would have to find Professor of French and Neo-Latin, level qualification. alternative funding”. Not until the said that “A-level language courses The Pre-U diploma will involve the Pre-U is afforded status on the gov- have for some time been an inade- study of four subjects, at least three of ernment accredited section 96 list of quate preparation for degree courses which would be carried on to principal qualifications will it be available for in Cambridge”, Professor Rosamund subject level. It also contains a core state schools. For the purposes of

McKitterick described the A-levels as element in the form of a 3-4000 word Cambridge admissions, Parks said C B “leaving too little room for independ- research report as well as a course in that “a key consideration will be B ent thinking”. Master of Trinity Hall Global Perspectives. There will be no CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 Boris Johnson calls for new means of testing at sixth form level FEATURES INTERVIEWS ARTS ARTS & The quiz of Jon Ronson Top ten FEATURES the year on extremism albums of and goats 2006 »PAGE 14 »PAGE 17 »PAGE 21

2 varsity.co.uk/news | 24.11.06

Write for Varsity News: Newsdesk To get involved in Lent Term email [email protected] In Brief Expert warns against extremist applicants Police warn of »Cambridge Muslims condemn “farcical” and “impractical” proposals laptop thefts suggested that HE providers vet But Latif still expressed concern gation of extremist media is farcical”. Police are warning students to take JO TRIGG overseas students, interview all stu- over the guidelines. He told Varsity Glees’ proposals attracted even extra security precautions after dents to test their suitability for high- that he was “not happy that they con- greater criticism. Latif described his American student Stephen Neld was A leading intelligence expert has er education as well as train campus centrate on only one type of extrem- research as “anything but that of an almost burgled last Thursday when advised universities interview all security officers to undertake basic ism” and believed that they may expert… not even a university stu- thieves tried to climb a ladder and applicants to prevent students from observations and collection duties. “lead to the differential treatment of dent could get away with such a through a window on Warkworth Street. entering higher education with the These include knowing who is on Muslim students”. Furthermore, he flawed report”. He denied that Glees This is the latest in a series of burglaries intent of spreading religious hatred. campus and removing extremist lit- highlighted how FOSIS were had produced any credible evidence in colleges and comes in the wake of Professor Anthony Glees’ proposals erature and DVDs. Glees cited “his- involved in similar guidelines pro- of extremism on university campus- police statistics that reveal seven to come in the wake of the publication torical evidence suggesting some duced by Universities UK (UUK)) es, adding that his opinions “border eight attempted laptop thefts taking of new government reccomenda- twenty plus campuses have generat- over a year ago, which focused on a on the racist”. place in Cambridge daily. Katy Lee tions for preventing Islamic extrem- ed extremists”, and claimed that wider variety of religions. “I don’t see Cambridge students and lecturers ism on campus. “Just as paedophiles hang around what these new guidelines bring to were equally sceptical. CUSU Anti- Professor Glees, of Brunel outside school gates, so extremists the table that wasn’t previously racism Officer Ali Alim-Marvasti Papworth plans University, criticised Higher hang around campuses”. After his addressed by the UUK”, he argued. claimed that the suggestions are Education (HE) providers for being meeting with government ministers Cambridge University Islamic “impractical” while CU ISoc’s Ahmad threaten basic “driven by the need to earn money he believes that “the advice to HE argued that “The idea is absolutely from students and reluctant to do providers relies quite heavily on crazy… such a measure would lead to healthcare relatively simple things which might what I’ve written”. “Political cor- discrimination on the basis of race”. Plans for a £6 million specialist unit at make campuses less comfortable for The guidance from the Department Although outraged that “the general Papworth Hospital, the nation’s lead- extremists”. He told Varsity that for Education and Skills (DfES) was rectness an position seems to be that university ing hospital for heart and lung trans- “HE providers dropped their guard published last Friday, one month after students are docile idiots who need to plants, have been met with dismay by in the rush to fill places; this made a draft of the report was leaked to the excuse to avoid be protected from the rantings of reli- campaigners trying to protect basic campuses spaces in which Guardian. After the criticism gious extremists”, Arif Ahmed, services at nearby Hinchingbrooke extremist activity could be that the leaked report facing the issue” Lecturer in Philosophy, concluded Hospital. Faced with a £29.9 million conducted without let or attracted, Amar Latif, that the proposals may not be neces- deficit, Hinchingbrooke may lose key hindrance. Political cor- Media Officer at the sary. He told Varsity “Holding facilities, forcing Huntingdon resi- rectness was used as an Federation of Student extreme religious views is a good dents to travel to Addenbrooke’s. Its excuse to avoid facing Islamic Societies indicator for stupidity or at any rate administrators believe the new unit is the issue”. (FOSIS) told Varsity intellectual spinelessness. So I’d essential in maintaining the hospital’s Glees was invited to that the new guidance Society (CU ISoc) Vice-President expect that our admissions system prestige. Andy Ryan meet Higher Education was “certainly an Umar Ahmad was more critical. He already discriminates indirectly Secretary Bill Rammell improvement”. The believes that the document “adds to a against such people.” at the end of October to document explains how climate of mistrust whilst achieving But Glees maintained that “the New bursaries on discuss a report he pub- to recognise “violent very little, if anything” and was scep- guidelines should have gone fur- lished last year about the extremism in the name of tical about the risk being addressed. ther”. Although he estimated that offer for interns risk of extremism on cam- Islam” and gives examples “Any would-be terrorist stupid “the pastoral care and tutorial The Careers Service is launching a new pus. He of scenarios of and enough to get caught by his DoS, col- involvement built deep into the bursary scheme funded by a group of 120 Professor responses. lege librarian or bedder isn’t likely to Oxbridge system makes these uni- organisations who regularly recruit at Anthony pose a threat to national security”, he versities more secure,” he said of the Cambridge. Ten £500 bursaries are on Glees BRUNEL UNIVERSITY told Varsity. Ahmad added “the pre- guidance that “all HE providers offer for Cambridge students to under- supposition that this monitoring must do this, because if some don’t take unpaid “public interest” vacation would somehow prevent the propa- they will be targeted”. work in the UK and abroad. The awards are not financially means tested nor awarded on academic performance. Students from all courses and colleges can apply. Details will be available from »“Elite” Pre-U criticised Let there be light the Careers Service stand at the Interns Event on Friday December 1 in the CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1 University Centre. Jo Trigg whether the Pre-U is available in UK state schools”. “the Pre-U The Pre-U system of examinations ignores the Appliance testing has been criticised as “a step back- wards” by Anne Barnes, Principal needs of all but a charges down Examiner for AQA (Assessment and Student-organised resistance has brought Qualifications Alliance). While Head select elite” about changes to new appliance testing Master of Wellington, Anthony rules at Magdalene College. Students Seldon, saw this as a positive case of complained about the cost of the new, com- moving “forward to the past”, the pulsory procedure, which could see them former Holland Park teacher paying up to £20 each to have electrical described the new qualification as “a appliances safety-checked. The college’s return to the fifties”. JCR highlighted that several other col- The National Union of Teachers leges included the testing in room rent. In (NUT) blames the current govern- response, second year George Pender ment for such division in the exami- launched a facebook group encouraging nations system. In 2002, the students to hide their appliances in Tomlinson report recommended the 805,698 friends’ rooms to avoid charges. The col- government to introduce new mark- lege Bursar has now agreed on a flat rate ing criteria, a restriction of the pow- students sat A- of £10 per year. Tom Moriarty ers of the exam board and the insti- tution of an independent regulatory levels in 2006 committee for the QCA. But an Researcher wins NUT spokesperson argued “A sig- nificant problem has been created award by Tony Blair’s own refusal to look Danielle Turner from the University’s seriously at the Tomlinson report Department of Psychiatry has won the and his jumping the question in Times Higher Young Researcher of the advance of the Tomlinson report year award. With over 90 universities being published”. taking part in the awards, there was Despite Johnson’s comments to 50% fierce competition. Yet Cambridge was Varsity, the Conservative party has nominated in six out of the eighteen cate- yet to formulate an official policy on of these gories, and achieved another triumph the examinations system. when Professor Lisa Jardine, an hon- In spite of Parks’ open criticism students did not orary fellow of King’s and Jesus, was of the A-level exam, along with awarded a Lifetime Achievement other Russell Group universities go on to higher Award. The former Cantabrigian is cur- such as Durham, Bristol and rently Centenary Professor of Oxford, Cambridge at present has education Market shoppers had an illuminating experience as the Cambridge Renaissance Studies at Queen Mary, no official position on the Pre-U University of London. Lucy Turner qualification. City Christmas lights were switched on last weekend. ALEX CONSTANTINIDES

varsity.co.uk/news | 24.11.06 3

Chief News Editors: Joe Gosden and Jamie Munk Newsdesk Tel: 01223 353 422 Email: [email protected] Sculptures State of damaged in the Union JOE GOSDEN night of New Nominations closed yesterday for the Cambridge Union Society elections to decide positions and committee mem- bership for Easter 2007. Although the Hall carnage majority of positions were contested, the nominees for the President and Ents Officer will run unopposed. This is the fourth time that this has hap- »Alcohol blamed for destruction pened in as many years. Just over a year ago (Issue 628, »Wine banned at formal hall for rest November 18 2005) Varsity investigat- ed the state of the Union, drawing of term comparisons with Oxford’s apparently- greater success in attracting member- swap that evening between New ship, sponsorship, big-name speakers TOM PARRY-JONES Hall and Homerton have denied any and electoral nominees. Twelve News Editor responsibility for the damage. In a months on, both President Luke phone call to Varsity from an Pearce and Secretary Nick Hartman New Hall has banned alcohol from untraceable number, a Homerton assured Varsity that “the Union is the remaining formal halls this student present at the event admit- moving in the right direction”. term after a “substantial amount of ted that the group had been kicked Despite an anonymous email sent to damage” was caused following the out of the formal for “rowdy behav- Cambridge student media outlets this formal on the evening of Tuesday iour” between dessert and coffee, week, detailing alleged criminal activi- 21. This comes amidst a raft of but said that they had left by ties and misuse of presidential power, other restrictions that have been 9.30pm to go to Ballare. But a New both Pearce and Hartman were keen deemed necessary after 30 people Hall porter who was on duty that to assure Varsity that recent in-fight- were “asked to leave” and damage evening suggested that this was ing would not jeopardise this term’s amounting to thousands of pounds “rubbish”, and that the bar was still achievements. Pearce listed amongst of damage was caused. busy at that point. One of the New these “£22,000 raised in sponsorship”, Eyewitnesses described scenes of the “highest level of fresher recruit- drunken chaos, with formal-goers ment for four years” and emphasised “pissing themselves and vomiting “pissing them- that Shut Up And Dance! has been the everywhere” in stairwells. Two girls Union’s “most successful Ents pro- required help from the JCR Welfare selves and vomit- The beetles that were damaged in Tuesday’s chaos JAMES KEELING gramme in years”. Hartman added Officer. In the JCR bar heating pipes that the bar refurbishment was com- were snapped, the repair of which ing everywhere” New Hall, told Varsity that drunk- trained on the beetles, but college plete and that the Union debates had will necessitate the lifting of the en trouble had not been a problem staff contradicted each other over finally reverted to “having more guest entire floor. One of three large bronze at the college before this term and whether it was in operation or not. speakers than students”. dung beetles, on loan to the college that Tuesday was a “most unusual There has been an unfortunate Although both sought to play down and valued at £15,000, lost an antenna occasion”. He had decided upon the number of cases of art vandalism in rumours of internal conflicts, serious and had its back “badly scratched” penalties after “consulting the the past at New Hall, which houses concern was voiced at Pearce’s use of when it was dropped down stairs. Hall students on the swap admitted Tutors, the Dean and the JCR”, as the world’s second largest collec- the Presidential Fines system. The The weight of the beetle, which forms that the group had been kicked out, well as the “Bursar and the catering tion of women’s art. Dr Saxton anonymous email detailed an apparent part of “Studies for the Dung Beetle but was certain that there had been department”. “We’ve never had an recalled a painting in the hall hav- controversy surrounding a fine imposed Sculpture at London Zoo” by Wendy “no damage done by the New Hall alcohol ban before” he said, but ing been “pelted with food and on a member by Pearce for having writ- Taylor CBE, was so great that it girls”, as they had drunk so much hoped that hall next term would wine,” but this was a “long time ten defamatory comments on a Union chipped chunks of marble from the that “there was no way we were return to a more “relaxed pattern”. ago”. Taylor, who at the time of whiteboard. Hartman criticised the New Hall staircase as it fell. One stu- capable of causing any”. Another On the subject of the damage, he going to press had not been “lack of restraint” demonstrated in dent expressed sympathy for “those confessed to Varsity “I can’t added that he had “no information informed of the damage by the col- imposing fines, while a Union member poor beetle sculptures” and suggest- remember anything”, whilst face- on who’s responsible” but expects lege, told Varsity that the dung who did not wish to be identified com- ed that someone “threw them down book saw panicked wall posts on the “they will be identified”, and that he beetles were “much maligned crea- plained that “Pearce just slaps fines on the stairs”. The college has also morning after. One read “The will “certainly” try to recover the tures” and that they were notori- anyone he wants… the system is really closed the bar prior to hall and Homerton boys were crazy. They costs from them. He argued that ously difficult to move. She added, open to corruption”. Pearce refused to banned formal swaps for the remain- have quite possibly destroyed our you cannot ask donors to support “I hope that in the moving of them comment, telling Varsity that “this is an der of the term. formal hall with their antics.” students “if money gets lost in this someone got a good poke in the tes- internal disciplinary matter relating to Freshers involved in a formal Owen Saxton, Senior Tutor at sort of way”. A CCTV camera is ticles” from one of the legs. a threat against a member that is still in the investigation phase”. But support for Pearce was forth- coming from several ex-Union Students campaign to save the Sino Tap Presidents. One explained to Varsity that “other people are too concerned has prompted concerned students to with aggrandising their own roles in EMILY PARTINGTON start a campaign to save the pub. the Union… Luke is the President and JJ Waters, who is leading the cam- they should let him get on with it”. Yet One of Cambridge’s best kept secrets paign, explained that it would involve the same former President admitted is set to disappear. The Sino Tap pub- letter writing as well as requesting that “Luke needs to be more resolute in lic house on Pound Hill is currently support from Clare College Master resisting internal pressure” adding that subject to a planning application by Professor Badger. Waters told “what they don’t realise is that the out- Punch Taverns Plc. to carry out a Varsity, “We are hoping that with side world just doesn’t care”. He also major refurbishment project. The enough objections we can stop these commented that “Hartman should real- move, which is provisionally sched- plans going through”, adding that ly get a life too”. uled to commence in the new year, “the Tap is one of the few pubs in Polling for this term’s Union election would see the existing establishment Cambridge that is truly special and will take place next week. renamed The Punter and may include the only one to have its own dog… a 150-seat restaurant. Being a country boy I feel that the The proposals have provoked out- presence of a pub dog is of the utmost rage amongst Cambridge students, importance.” who form the bulk of the establish- The Sino Tap has had a colourful ment’s clientele. One 3rd year English history. It was originally called the student from Fitzwilliam College Rose and Crown, before becoming a described the Sino Tap as “like a home gay pub, the Town and Gown. After a from home” and was effusive in his brief interlude as the Rope and praise of the late-night Chinese food Twine it was transformed into the that is served. “On many occasions I current Sino Tap in late 2004. The have found myself hungry at one in current planning application has the morning,” he mourned “with my been granted an extension until only hope of satisfaction being a quick December 3. Waters has encouraged trip to the Tap for a spicy pork soup”. as many students as possible to voice The Sino Tap, where there may be no New Year celebrations EMILY WRIGHT The threatened loss of the Sino Tap their opposition. Varsity Issue 628, November 18 2005 Enrich your life, not just your career.

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Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Lab rats hooked on cocaine »Research to combat drug addiction attacked by animal rights groups

late cravings”. This is achieved by NIKKI BURTON “exposing the subject to the stimuli once more”, and administering the Cambridge scientists working on treatment when the association with research aimed to combat substance the addictive substance is active in the addiction have run into opposition from brain. animal rights groups. The researchers, The experiments have provoked Emmanuel working at the Department of outrage from animal rights groups. Experimental Psychology, have given Anita Singh of PETA (People for the Another minute of a colony of rats access to an almost Ethical Treatment of Animals) issued a unlimited supply of self-administered statement saying, “Overwhelming evi- ungodly acts cocaine. In response, Animal Aid, an dence shows that most animal experi- organisation campaigning for an end to ments… certainly don’t help in unlock- Our spy was shocked to learn that an animal cruelty, has presented the ing the causes and cures of a uniquely unsuspecting Emmanuel student had researchers with a “Mad Science” human phenomenon like drug abuse”. an unwelcome set of visitors last Award, labelling the work as both Everitt counter-argued that rats are week. On returning to his Old Court “pointless and grotesque”. useful in terms of behavioural experi- bedroom late one night, he discovered In the experiments rats were given mentation, as “animals will self-admin- a copulating couple making thorough doses of cocaine as a reward for press- ister addictive substances as humans use of his bed. When he finally man- ing a lever. They were able to self- do when given the opportunity”. aged to untangle the pair he identified administer up to 30 doses in the three- Caroline Lucas, Green Party MEP the girl as a first year medic at Emma, hour sessions that took place over sev- for South-East England and Vice- usually known for her Christian sobri- eral days. They were then given two President of the RSPCA, told Varsity ety, and the boy as a visiting squash experimental drugs intended to that “An increasing number of doctors player who had become engaged (to a remove the craving by “preventing the and toxicologists have come to the con- different girl, of course), just the week expression of a specific gene that is clusion that animal research for test- The Department of Experimental Psychology EMILY WRIGHT before. But the couple were enjoying involved in memory stabilisation”. ing into human medical treatments is themselves enough to ask for “another Barry Everitt, Professor of often misleading, and sometimes pro- you study behaviour in cells”. The Understanding Animal Research In couple of minutes” before being kicked Behavioural Neuroscience, explained duce dangerous, false, negative law demands that where a method Medicine told Varsity that Animal Aid out of Old Court. that “the drug limits the stimuli that results”. In addition, PETA argued exists that does not involve animals it has “no scientific credibility”, and com- cause us to crave”. For instance, “a that animal testing is only accurate must be used. A University mented that “if Animal Aid really smoker may attempt to quit smoking” for humans “five to twenty-five per- spokesperson confirmed that animals believes that the University has but in certain places, such as “the pub”, cent of the time”. They condemned it, are only used in testing when there is breached the strict controls on animal Sainsbury’s or at certain times, “such as after din- saying “That’s not science. That’s no alternative. research, then it shou-ld take its case ner”, the addict may feel greater pres- gambling.” Everitt said that this per- Animal Aid’s “Mad Science” awards to the Home Office rather than mount Bronze Horse takes a sure than normal to succumb to the centage “wouldn’t be a bad outcome”, have been criticised for seeking to cheap publicity stunts.” Animal Aid cheeky canter craving. The drug “seeks to disrupt although questioned the validity of diminish the value of scientific were unavailable for comment, and this association between the stimuli the figure. He defended the use of research. Everitt described the have since removed publication of the and the addictive substance so that animal testing, saying that “you sim- organisation as having “an unjustifi- “Mad Science” awards from their As our spy quietly ambled down the these factors do not continue to stimu- ply cannot do this in humans, nor can able stance”. Barbara Davies of RDS: website. milk aisle on Saturday he happened to overhear a young gent mid-boast to his female companions. He proudly proclaimed “yeah, I rode the Jesus Cambridge cycles to Horse last night” before adding “but I didn’t get caught like that other girl”. Shocked and appalled to hear Morland lead CO2 monitoring dismissed in such terms, our spy was about to interject and enquire as to why the gent had not been reading PARISA RAZAZ “Nowadays, technology such as Varsity with greater attentiveness. mobile phones, tracking devices and Alas before the matter could be pur- Cambridge cyclists are to act as environmental sensors give us a great sued another shopper had barged guinea-pigs in a nationwide project to opportunity to learn more about this through, allowing the vagabond to monitor pollution levels. MESSAGE issue”. Professor Peter Landschoff, a vanish into the crowd. (Mobile Environmental Sensing researcher on the project in System Across a Grid Environment) Cambridge told Varsity that the plan propose to introduce pocket-sized sen- has attracted “big names such as sors which detect carbon dioxide and Nokia and O2.” King’s Parade can be worn by cyclists. The MESSAGE consortium Michael Simmons, Transport involves several businesses and five Cash for Questions Programme Manager at the universities. Cambridge’s position is unique as people rather than vehicles will carry the monitors. “a great The plan should go ahead in the next three years, but current efforts are opportunity to directed towards its successful inau- guration. According to Dr Eiman learn more” Kanjo, Cambridge cyclists will be sporting the sensors “within a couple of months”. Outspoken, a bicycle courier service, have been asked to participate in the project and it is hoped that the rest of the country will Cambridge Science Centre, described the project as “revolutionary”. “Information is collected by mobile devices, as opposed to the conventional The Oxbridge Essays Recruitment stationary devices”, he explained. He Team arrived in Cambridge on added that “data on pollution has never Wednesday in a bid to attract new been collected systematically before” talent. Within the first couple of and that “nobody really knows how pol- hours a plethora of students eager to lution behaves”. He concluded that alleviate their debt ridden bank such information would be crucial in accounts had signed up. Our spy determining how cities might be was, however, interested to note designed. that the young, single and male Dr Eiman Kanjo, a Research recruitment team appeared to spe- Associate at the Department of cialise in trying to sign up young, Applied Mathematics and Theoretical attractive females. Shame the lads Physics (DAMTP), emphasised the hadn’t ordered an essay on how to importance of technological develop- charm Cambridge ladies before ment in measuring pollution. He said, Reinventing the wheel? JOE GOSDEN opening thier sets. The Lehman Brothers Varsity Match

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varsity.co.uk/news | 24.11.06 7

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Condoms secured after Ross Anderson slams Home Office “tampering” rumours stance on biometric ePassports criminal]. The move to RFID chips data is composed of the displayed pass- buy a morning after pill”. In Oxford JOHN WALKER isn't going to solve this problem”. He port number and expiry date, in addi- AMY HOGGART no one has so far claimed responsibil- added “The people who carried out the tion to the holders’ date of birth. ity, although it has been alleged that Ross Anderson, Professor of Security 9/11 and 7/7 attacks all had perfectly Laurie used an enhanced RFID read- King’s College Student Union anti-contraception and pro-life Engineering at Cambridge, has spo- acceptable forms of ID. ID was not a er, available for under £200 on the inter- (KCSU) has this week taken the groups may have been involved. ken out against Government policy on critical factor in these operations.” net, to transmit information from the unprecedented step of ordering Madeleine Teahan, president of the new biometric forms of identification. Elaborating on the Government's passport to a laptop. secure and free condom vending Cambridge University Pro-Life Biometric ID is currently being used In a statement to Varsity, the Home machines. The machines will be Society, denied knowledge of any in UK passports issued since March Office argued “It is hard to see why installed in time for the start of Lent such activities in Cambridge, 2006, which have been equipped with “sloppy attitude anyone would want to carry out the Term. The move follows rumours although she told Varsity that she a Radio Frequency Identification procedure described... The British bio- circulating throughout the was aware of “general discontent (RFID) chip. This contains data such by the Home metric passport has been introduced to University this week alleging that amongst some students regarding as the facial biometric details of the internationally-agreed technical stan- complimentary condoms provided in the distribution of free condoms”. holder and is planned to form an inte- Office ” dards, and is one of the most secure in JCRs and Welfare Offices had been She speculated that those responsi- gral part of the proposed ID Card the world”. tampered with. ble were “most likely to be no-sex scheme currently under discussion. Professor KCSU Welfare Officer Andy Christians, pro-life supporters or Professor Anderson said “The ID Anderson Corstorphine told Varsity “I have both, believing that promiscuity card scheme wastes money, under- described this heard it on good authority that there should be discouraged”. mines public trust...and risks very as representing have been incidences of condoms Teahan explained that many unpleasant side-effects”. The Home response after September 11, an “extraordi- being pierced with pins in Cambridge members of the Pro-Life Society Office argues that biometric ID is Anderson said “Increasing the budg- narily sloppy colleges and it is as a result of this that “find it quite insulting that it is central to its proposed schemes to et [of security services] was reason- attitude by the King’s has had to take steps to secure assumed all students will inevitably combat the threat of terrorism. Their able, however spending £20m on ID Home Office”. the supply of contraception to their engage in sex”. The fact that “JCR website states “One of our major pri- cards is not”. ID cards, fea- students”. CUSU Welfare Officer Welfare Officers hand out condoms orities is the launch of the National Last week the Guardian reported turing the bio- Sam Rose described such attacks as as if they were just free sweets”, Identity Scheme... central to this will that Adam Laurie, Technical Director metric ID, are “unnecessary, inappropriate and she continued, apparently makes be the introduction of biometric of security company A.L. Digital Ltd, currently almost certainly designed to harm light of the serious issue. Speaking ePassports”. was able to read and copy information planned to be others”. He explained that CUSU is as a Cambridge student she rea- But Professor Anderson argued from the new passports. introduced in currently conducting an investigation soned that “giving out free condoms “The main way in which criminals can The Home Office states that the data 2009. into who might be responsible and is a way of encouraging promiscuity. get a hold of a UK passport is via pre- on these chips is protected using looking into the application of “serious Thus by piercing condoms they are issue fraud [applying for a passport in “advanced digital encryption tech- punishments”. demonstrating their opposition to a this country to use as ID for a foreign niques”. But the key to accessing the Professor Ross Anderson The rumours come a year after the student culture which promotes and supply of condoms at Trinity College condones casual sex.” Oxford, was tampered with. The A meeting of college welfare offi- Trinity JCR was forced to “send out cers is set to take place this week Funding threat claims are refuted emergency emails letting everyone to discuss the possible instalment know as soon as the sabotage was of condom vending machines in all »Worries that elite universities could lose millions discovered”, as well as to “offer to colleges in an effort to combat fur- subsidise anybody who wanted to ther problems. detrimental to research, which is understandably “very concerned” TOM PARRY-JONES also “a top priority”. He suggested about the Council’s forthcoming that although government research spending review and the financial The Higher Education Funding funding was in a “ring fenced budg- power they wield. Council for England (HEFCE) and et”, as the HEFCE give their fund- Six of The Times’ ten worst uni- the Russell Group of elite British ing as a “block grant” universities versities for attracting students universities have spoken out against are free to decide how to use it. from “poorer households” were in claims in Tuesday’s edition of The the Russell Group; Carr admitted Times that HEFCE funding aimed difficulties in addressing this prob- at widening access will be increased “Undergraduate lem. Whilst he argued that most to the detriment of research. The Russell Group universities “spend article highlighted concern over the education is far more than they’re given” on forthcoming government spending ” widening participation, often using review and raised questions about under-funded student fees to fund bursaries, he why the best British universities added that they are still obliged to attract so few students from less take the most able candidates. He affluent backgrounds. was also anxious that the universi- The article claimed that Britain’s ties should not appear to be “finish- “elite research universities” could ing schools for the rich”, but argued “forfeit millions of pounds”, due to a Michael Carr, Executive Director of that it was difficult to “positively dis- HEFCE, after “shake-up” redirect- the Russell Group, was equally criti- criminate” on a regular basis. A ing funds from research to universi- cal of the report. Although The Times spokesperson for Cambridge refused ties that take poor students. But appears to align the Group with their to comment on research funding in speaking to Varsity, HEFCE own position, Carr told Varsity “I relation to the spending review, but spokesperson Roger Gringer sug- genuinely believe that The Times are asserted that “undergraduate educa- gested that The Times’ education making a story out of old informa- tion is underfunded”. He did, howev- correspondent had “got it wrong”, tion”. He added that there is “no way er, identify “perceived barriers” as a and that they had actually been set- on this earth” that HEFCE would say major obstacle to attracting students ting out existing policy when talking something as radical as the article from non-traditional backgrounds, to her. He stressed that whilst suggests, or that cuts in research but praised the University for widening participation was “a fund- funding are inevitable. But he admit- addressing this through its “exten- It is rumoured that some free condoms may not be safe to use ing priority”, this would not be ted that research universities are sive widening program”.

The best of the rest Cross Campus from around the country Kaplan to award Allcock’s Aberystwyth Exeter CU threat- Universities solve degrees for profit Climbing Record stub out smoking ens lawsuit sticky situation American education company Kaplan An Oxford Brookes student has beat- The University of Wales, Aberystwyth The Christian Union at the University Queen’s University, Belfast and is bidding to become the UK’s first pri- en the world record time for climbing has proposed a ban on smoking inside of Exeter is threatening legal action Manchester University have been vate, for-profit university. Kaplan the height of Everest. Ben Allcock, 22, university buildings, near windows and against the student guild, after its bank awarded £500,000 by the Department of University will offer online courses and completed the challenging climb for entrances. This would include halls of account was frozen. The guild took Trade and Industry to develop a method evening classes after the Government’s charity in five hours 48 minutes earli- residence and bars. The university’s action against the CU because their of removing gum from pavements. relaxation of the law on degree-award- er this month at the University’s Senate will decide before Christmas policy of forcing members to sign a dec- Using “super solvents” and natural ing powers. The company has revenues indoor climbing wall. Allcock must whether the restriction will be laration of “faith in Jesus Christ” con- enzymes developed at the universities, of over $1 billion and trains the largest have climbed the 14m wall at least 232 enforced. Smokers on campus have travened the guild’s equal opportuni- councils could save tens of thousands of amount of accountants in the UK. times to succeed. been left fuming by the plans. ties policy . pounds a year on steam cleaning.

varsity.co.uk/news | 24.11.06 8

Tel: 01223 353 422 Newsdesk Email: [email protected] Chester-Nash convicted of murder »Former Cambridge resident jailed for stabbing woman to death and stealing sandwich »“Had spent time” at New Hall and other colleges in 2003

drive-by stabbings in 2004 and was after 9pm as he was considered a JO TRIGG thought to have spent nights in “danger to women”. New Hall in 2003. New Hall Senior After stabbing Mrs Bowditch on Gary Chester-Nash, a notorious Tutor Dr Owen Saxton told Varsity October 12 2005, Chester-Nash criminal in Cambridgeshire and last year that “Cambridgeshire was arrested at Truro railway sta- Cornwall, was jailed on Wednesday Police asked New Hall students in tion on the same day after being for a minimum of 30 years for the May 2004 to let them know if found with blood on his shoes. But murder of a Cornish cleaner in Chester-Nash was seen in the col- Chester-Nash told the court that a October of last year. lege, as they were investigating foreign squatter named Angel had Homeless Chester-Nash, 28, who several incidents involving him”. admitted carrying out the attack to was barred from all Cambridge him. He attempted to explain the University property in May 2004, stains on his shoes by saying that was found guilty of stabbing 59 year- “He believed he had lifted the wounded Mrs old cleaner Jean Bowditch nine Bowditch and held a telephone to times in a property in Carbis Bay himself to be her mouth to try to prove that he near St. Ives. The owner of the prop- was not the attacker. He also erty, 80 year-old widow Catherine beyond the law” claimed that he had no knives on Alexander, found the body on her him, but did admit to two burgla- return from a shopping trip. ries and the theft of a sandwich in Truro Crown Court, where Cornwall, for which he received a Chester-Nash was convicted, two-year sentence. heard how he displayed “chilling A shocked New Hall student arrogance” and believed himself to expressed relief that “such a dan- be beyond the law after leaving He added that “He was known to gerous criminal has finally been Mrs Bowditch to bleed to death. have been in St John’s, Pembroke convicted”. She told Varsity “It is Chester-Nash had, apparently, and Downing as well as New Hall”. unnerving to think that we had a originally entered the property It has also been suggested that, murderer wandering up and down with the intent of committing theft. when in Cambridge, Chester-Nash our corridors asking girls to go for He had been released from attempted to get a job at local a drink… but I’m glad that the col- Pentonville Prison only one week nightclub Coco’s (now renamed lege took the measures they did. earlier after serving a sentence for the Soul Tree) in order to be in We can now sleep in peace.” But a burglary. close proximity to female club- college porter who had caught Chester-Nash was Cambridgeshire bers. But he was banned from Chester-Nash “snooping” wasn’t Police’s chief suspect for a series of every bar and club in the country quite as satisfied. He claimed “he’ll beVarsity’s coverage of the matter in October 2005

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varsity.co.uk/news | 24.11.06 9 News Investigation Dyslexia provision examined

REBECCA LESTER provide specialist tuition for students with SpLDs; most colleges merely advise students to “Discuss your needs An increasing number of students are with your tutor”. Dr Warner added being diagnosed with dyslexia either “The problem is that solutions for before they come to university or at Specific Learning Difficulties are also some stage in their Tripos courses. But varied. Strategies for coping can be dyslexia remains a condition that is not highly individual.” fully understood by many. Ease of The University online undergradu- access to this support varies between ate prospectus refers to ongoing sup- colleges, and the University’s port for dyslexic students including Disability Resource Centre (DRC) help with exam preparation and guid- lacks the resources to coordinate ance, the use of specialist study skills University-wide provision. and liaison with tutors and departmen- In the most recent statistics avail- tal staff on a case-by-case basis. able, the total number of Cambridge Students experiencing difficulties are students with dyslexia had risen from advised to first contact their tutor, who 185 to 209. This figure represents just will then refer them to the DRC for an over one per cent of a University pop- interview and Preliminary Diagnostic ulation of eighteen thousand, com- Assessment. In order to qualify for Dyslexic students can get up to 25 per cent extra time in exams ROSIE IBBOTSON pared to a national figure of five to ten extra time in exams and to receive per cent. But the DRC has had to cope extra resources including laptops, soft- bution from the fund until after they for students with SpLDs highlight the a “tendency for the condition to be with this increased demand for servic- ware and recording equipment, stu- have taken and paid for the test. At possibilities for confusion in this hereditary”. Yet despite this, two very es without an equivalent increase in dents must undergo a Full Diagnostic present, Magdalene is the only college process, stating that “This is not a lin- important elements of dyslexia are staff. “We do not have enough Assessment with an accredited educa- that openly offers a full subsidy to ear process. You can enter at different that it is “not at all related to levels of resources… the pressure to deliver is tional psychologist at a cost of £250. cover the £250 assessment fee. Maz points in the process and be at more intellectual ability”, and that “each huge”, said Judith Jesky, a DRC Students can apply through the Kemple, JCR President at Magdalene, than one stage at once.” individual’s experience of the condition Disability Adviser. Government-sponsored Access to said “It’s a very obvious thing for col- Sue Flohr, a spokesperson for the is different and unique.” Jesky stressed that “students who Learning Fund to cover the cost of the leges to do. I thought that most col- British Dyslexia Association (BDA), CUSU Welfare Officer Sam Rose will eventually come to Cambridge are psychological assessment, but the leges would have a similar procedure told Varsity “I don’t think people have told Varsity “Our real problem is the usually very able, capable and bright, application process can be lengthy, and in place and I’m surprised they don’t.” the right conception of dyslexia. variability between colleges. At the therefore weaknesses are often not sig- many students may receive no contri- Although testing is centralised with- Employers still think it’s just difficulty moment, we are trying to collect infor- nificant enough to mean that students in the University and coordinated by with reading and writing”. The condi- mation from all the colleges, but - are unable to gain A grades at A-level”. the DRC, actual provision of equip- tion, defined in the BDA’s handbook as stressed the importance of the need for But “the intensive eight-week terms at ment such as laptops and special soft- “a combination of abilities and difficul- students to contact CUSU if they are Cambridge often highlight weaknesses ware is organised through the LEA of ties that affect the learning process in having problems with their depart- that previously go unnoticed”. the individual student. Even if a stu- one or more of reading, writing and ments due to learning difficulties.” Dyslexia falls within the umbrella dent has already been diagnosed with spelling” can affect an individual term of Specific Learning Difficulties a SpLD, he or she must undergo an throughout their life. Common symp- www.bda-dyslexia.org.uk (SpLDs), which also include dyspraxia, additional assessment to determine toms include the “presence of differ- dysgraphia and dyscalculia, and it is £250 exact needs in terms of extra ences in the anatomy, organisation and Additional reporting by under this name that records at cost of full resources. Cambridge’s own guidelines functioning of the brain”. There is also John Walker Cambridge are compiled. The Tripos allows for up to 25 per cent extra diagnostic examination time for dyslexic, dys- Anna* Robert* Elizabeth* graphic and dysorthographic students assessment is a graduate Veterinary is a second year Theology student is a second year Natural Sciences on submission of a report by a qualified Medicine student diagnosed with diagnosed with an SLD last year. “I student diagnosed with dyslexia in psychologist and a form completed by an SLD last year. “In a supervision think there’s always the danger that sixth form. “I wrote a letter to my the student. In 2005/2006, examiners last year my supervisor suggested people see you as a dyslexic rather Director of Studies before I came to were notified of 280 students reported that I may be dyslexic. I was quite than a normal person. I don’t think Cambridge notifying her that I’m as having SpLDs. The University’s upset about it at the time, but my col- people are fully aware of all learning dyslexic. Since I’ve been here I’ve had Board of Examinations does not, how- lege has been unbelievably supportive difficulties, but that is not necessarily a no help, I receive money from the ever, distinguish between the con- and my supervisors have been problem. People are more aware that DSA for extra study sessions but I stituent difficulties. so patient. Sometimes I get such things are genuine. I’m don’t know how to organise Homerton Senior Tutor Peter the impression that when in the process of applying them. I think colleges need to Warner warned against over-simplica- 280 people find out I have extra for a DSA [Disabled take responsibility and provide tion of the problem, telling Varsity that students time in exams that it gives Student’s Allowance] but more support for dyslexic stu- because “learning difficulties are so me some kind of advan- they seem to be continually dents. For those who come to varied”, the practice of “lumping them reported having tage, but it doesn’t; it’s putting hurdles in the way- the University knowing they altogether under dyslexia is just not there to put me up to the they don’t just give you the have dyslexia, the provision adequate”. Homerton is one of the few an SLD in 2006 level I deserve to be.” money.” for help is not as good.” colleges that explicitly states that they *all names have been changed The rumour mill er breached, in a style not dissimilar to out on punting tourists is a great help. grinds on, pepper- Alan Partridge. Although his tryst Saving his finest, er, waste products in ing us all with with said person sadly did not termi- cling-film and waiting until the oppor- intrigue, conster- nate in an orgasm (perhaps due to gig- tune moment, he flings them out of the nation and mal- gles), we at the Bishop wonder window of his riverside room, not wait- ice... whether, in other circumstances, our ing to see the fatal package explode in So how much do you want to save the Sino Tap Dispatches from leonine hero might have cried “Aha!” the laps of the innocent tourists; who, anyway? the centre of at the moment of climax, and quenched with nowhere to go and no way of Cambridge report his thirst with a glass of Blue Nun. The pointing the finger, simplyhave to a) I’ll be chained to the roof the day the developers come. that a certain musical long-haired challenge is there to any who might acquiesce in their pungent fate and b) My supervisor is proof-reading my letters of complaint. lothario has taken to splicing his come- want to brave his advances in search of maybe have a little cry. As Norman c) I might send an email, but the days of student activism are so dy routines into his bed-time dirty- the (obviously comedic) truth. Mailer might have said, Cambridge is gone, man. talk. During a recent liaison with an Students also seem to be finding new just a way of raising everyone’s suffer- d) Burn the bloody place, I hate grotty student pubs anyway. ingenue of our acquaintance, he appar- and inventive ways to inject fun into ing to a higher level... ently gave a running commentary of their banal existences. One young Vote online at varsity.co.uk Send your confessions to every caress received and every barri- plucker has found that taking his stress [email protected]

10 varsity.co.uk/comment |24.11.06

Email: [email protected] Tel: 01223 353422 Comment editor: Lowri Jenkins Editorial 11-12 Trumpington Street, Cambridge. CB2 1QA Comment Email: [email protected]

Reuben Bard- Brick in the wall The unsolved problem of access Social Evolution Rosenberg It is difficult to believe that 2006 might (almost) be over. Though there hether we are organisation of secondary schooling prestigious state institutions. is a full month of festive mirth and merriment before the singing of Auld flagellating our- leaves people with fundamentally dif- The ability of both private schools Lang Syne, we in Cambridge seem to do everything a bit early. selves over the ferent opportunities. Little needs to and grammar schools to pick and Whenever we do it, and from whichever vantage point we choose to under--represen- be said about the role played by pri- choose their students in turn has the measure it, “looking back” is a strange phenomenon, and one not to be tation of state vate schools. The fact that parents effect of skewing the intake of com- mistaken for atavism. school students, or shell out thousands of pounds reflects prehensives. It is because such For there is nothing useful about doing something just because that’s wWhether instead Cambridge is being the head start given to pupils in small schools have the luxury of selection, the way it has always been. The furore over reforms to the Oxford attacked from outside as a bastion of classes with abundant resources. Less that children with behavioural and privilege, the discussion over access discussed is the effect of selective educational problems are significantly University financial system this week concided with the debate over always seems absolutely centred on schooling within the state sector. over-represented in comprehensives. the new Pre-U exam, but to borrow Boris Johnson’s analogy, the

the University, in particular its E This is why it aggravates me when L

“Darwinian struggle” has to result in survival of the fittest, not of the admissions policies and public image. B people simply declare comprehensives O most established. We belong to an institution that has often been In a sense this seems logical. Yet the C to be “awful’, as if the problems faced S dubbed stubbornly conservative in its attitude to change. In reality this narrow focus on what Cambridge A by schools such as mine are some N O does and what it looks like distracts I uncontrollable act of God.

is not so; just because we still wear gowns to formal hall does not mean F : that we still shoot Scotsmen at dawn. We can still revel in our traditions attention from some of the wider fac- N My worry is that Access seems to O I

tors behind our misrepresentative T exonerate private and selective

(and for your formal of choice see our pull-out) without letting these A

intake.. Perhaps most importantly, R schools from the massive role they hold us back. Though some old dogs will never learn new tricks, we do T S

the secondary school system and its U play in creating an uneven playing not have to join them in the pound. L L role in reinforcing inequality of I field. The image of comprehensive Yet change for the sake of change can be just as damaging; perhaps opportunity should form the centre students being held back from apply- there’s some wisdom in the old adage “fools rush in”. Failing to pause of the discussion. ing simply due to attitudes towards and appreciate the present can be as much a reason to stumble as too The front page of the CUSU web- the University, allows us to ignore the many glasses of champagne by the first stroke of midnight. Walking site’s Access section refers to the fact that such students are, in the down King’s Parade this morning, perhaps the realisation may strike “myths about applications and life at broader view, offered a fundamental- you how lucky we are, simply to watch the sun rise behind King’s Cambridge” which stop many people ly unequal education. Chapel, to sit in a library with access to every book in print, to meet from applying. The issue of atti- While CUSU should continue its friends for a drink at the end of the day. Perhaps if you are struggling tudes towards applying here domi- good work in encouraging applica- to identify the landmarks in our Features quiz, you are missing the nates the Access pages, and to some tions, the Access Campaign should extent the work of the Campaign. also take on a genuinely campaigning attention to detail that makes life all the richer. It is only through valui- This is undoubtedly important work. role. If it is committed to bringing ing the moment that we can look to the future with confidence, and Myths do exist about Cambridge about equal access, then it should pub- make decisions about change and continuity. Otherwise we risk living in that definitely need to be broken When I was 10 or 11 a significant licly take a position on a secondary some imagined new year rather than a more real, and accessible, today. down. Yet changing perceptions and minority of my classmates suddenly school system which renders that task The end of year review lists, the Arts and Features Quiz and the attitudes is not alone sufficient. If started receiving private tuition ,with virtually impossible This would pro- impending Varsity 100 might leave us singing the swan-song of 2006, somebody is unable to buy their way the aim of getting them through the voke the ire of all those who have but let’s not forget that the year’s not over til its over. into a private school, then making tests set by grammar schools. asserted that CUSU should be ‘non- them want to come here is useful, Through mechanisms such as these, political’. Yet in my opinion this issue yet leaves us a million miles from a people with money to throw into their demonstrates how problematic it is to When your number’s up... level playing field. kids’ education have the choice not draw a dichotomy between so-called We may insist that coming here is only to enjoy private schooling, but ‘student’ matters on the one hand, and Next Friday sees a new event in our calendar: the Varsity-Mensa IQ both possible and desirable but the also to get their kids into the most ‘politics’ on the other. test. What’s not to hate? An apparently elitist publication, in an appar- ently elitist institution, working with an apparently elitist organisation, to find an intellectual elite. The idea of sitting in a hall for two hours fills some with smug glee, whilst imbuing others with what is, at best, moral Catherine Smells like Christmas spirit disgust and at worst a bitter defeatism. What kind of indulgent purpose is served by finding the highest IQ in Cambridge? If we are to look at it Hall The hell of yuletide commerce from a new angle, perhaps it is simply another way of learning about onesself. If we can see the process of ranking according to number as an objective, rather than a personal issue, then we can appreciate other peo- hristmas is in the air. staff discount didn’t hurt (guess Christmas. The pay is rubbish, the ple’s natural ability, whilst seeing our own from a new perspective. They Ominous signs are what all my family and friends hours are long and the customers say you can never truly know yourself, but knowing yourself a little bet- appearing, from lights received that year), and believe unfailingly rude, snotty and deni- ter certainly helps. The editors only pause on this premise to wish fifteen twinkling on Kings me, you do get used to the smell grating. Apparently the moment I numbered, light-blued boys the best of luck at Twickenham next month... Parade, to the offers after a while. donned my oh-so-sexy apron, my on mince pies in IQ fell by a hundred points. The Independent Cambridge CSainsbury’s. Tinsel has been Customers felt the need to Student Newspaper since 1947 entwining itself around shop win- “Dante was enlighten me on how difficult their Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947, and distributes 10,000 free copies dows for at least a month. And, lives were, as they shelled out to every Cambridge college and ARU weekly. Varsity is proud to be the holder of numerous student media (insert suitable horror music) with wrong. There is £300 on...soap. (Insert another awards and a vast number of alumni now working in international media. Varsity also publishes BlueSci the slowly slithering tinsel comes rant against commercial spending magazine, The Mays, and an online edition at www.varsity.co.uk. the recruitment of retail staff. no inferno in here if you want). Board of Directors: Dr. Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Mr Tim Harris, Mr Tim Moreton, Ms Amy Goodwin (Varsoc President), Mr Tom Walters, Mr Christopher Adams, Mr Michael Derringer, Mr Having worked in a Lush soap My finest moment came when Christopher Wright, Mr Joseph Braidwood, Miss Mary Bowers and Mr Jonathan Ensall. shop just off Oxford Circus in the hell; there is asked in a highly-patronising man- Editors Mary Sqwowers and Johann Ensall [email protected] Listings Editor Wassley Yaqoob run up to Christmas, I can safely soap” ner by an over-fed, over-dressed [email protected] Chief News Editors Goosey Goose and Munkey Munk [email protected] say that Dante was wrong. There and over-accented City git which Features Associate Editor Scottie Woolman [email protected] Arts Associate Editor Hermioney is no inferno in hell; there is soap. ‘college or polytechnic’ I attended. Buckland-Hoby-Buckland-Hoby-Hoby [email protected] Arts and Features Visual Editor Janus Adamsson [email protected] Interviews Editor Ethics Riley [email protected] Sport Editor Lord Smelly soap. Fire would be a bliss- It’s surprising what the mention of of all Creation Friedman [email protected] Sport Associate Editor Doctor Pickford [email protected]* ful relief. He should have tried an offer from a top British univer- Online Editor Joe Braidwood [email protected] Online Team Richard Zito, Chris Wright, Joe experiencing irate cash-strapped sity can do to alter others’ percep- Osborne, Henrietta Brooks, Nick Swetenham, Amy Renton and Dmitri Levitin [email protected] customers throwing you out of the Do not underestimate the fun tion of you. News Editors Joanna Triggles, Little Whitters, Lizzie Mitchell and TPJ [email protected] News Reporters way in their scramble to capture that can be had getting the Tube in So will I be working in retail this Nikki “CEN” Burton and Rolly Walker Comment Editor SO 80s Jenkins [email protected] Discuss Editor The Orginial Cat Hall [email protected] Science Editor Udayan Bhattacharya the last ‘Hula Hoolah’ giftbox in a the rush hour on the way home year? Screaming with the empha- [email protected] Science Associate Editor Mico Tatalovic Food and Drink Editor Katie Craig manner highly reminiscent of a from work when smelling of a sis usually reserved for addressing [email protected] Restaurant Critics Martha Spurrier and Spoon Girl [email protected] Lifestyle particularly frantic version of delightful combination of jasmine, a grinning two-year-old holding a Editors Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock [email protected] Fashion Editors Olivia Johnson and Rosanna Falconer [email protected] Literature Editors McSherry and Veggiebox Wimbush Supermarket Sweep. patchouli oil, lavender, and ginger, hairdryer above your bath: NO! I [email protected] Music Editors Freya Jonson Ross and Katy Wells [email protected] Visual Arts Add The Very Best of Twee: and being covered from head to toe shall be doing all my Christmas Editor Jonny Yarker [email protected] Screen Editor Screenboy [email protected] Theatre Catherine Spencer Classical James Drinkwater [email protected] Abhorrent Christmas Carols On A in glitter. Simply lean gently shopping online from the safety of Loop Designed To Drive You Mad, a against the nearest Armani-clad my nice office computer, being paid Design Jessi Baker and Jonny Ensall Illustration Beautiul Jules x, Tim Drake, Mary Bowers and Fiona Scoble Production Cassell Carter, Mike Yue Yin and Georgia Argus Chief Photo Editor Amica Dall job stacking skidding bath bombs, businessman, shake your hair and for the pleasure. Take it from me, [email protected] Photo Editors Emily Wright and Alexandra Constantinides [email protected] and glitter in your mouth, eyes, ears watch as a scattering of glitter offices are employment Utopia. Business Manager The Shain [email protected] Production and Chief Designer King Derringer [email protected] Technical Director Michael Derringer and Chris Wright technical- and nose to the mix and you can see coats him, whilst the perfumed Whatever Dante may have you [email protected] Company Secretary Patricia Dalby [email protected] Intern Emily why I’m not such a fan of the festive stench infiltrates his clothing. believe, Hell truly hath no fury Partington *some names have been changed out of pure and utter idle boredom season (insert your own Scrooge- Then imagine his explanation to like a carrier-bag laden Sloane Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. and printed by Cambridge Newspapers Ltd. All copyright is the esque rant against the commercial the wife that evening. The thought being informed at 7pm on 23rd exclusive property of Varsity Publications Ltd. No part of this publication is to be reproduced, stored on a retrieval system or submitted in any form or by any nature of this festive celebration never ceases to amuse me. December that the next delivery means, without prior permission of the publisher. here). Nevertheless, I would advise of ‘Honey I Washed The Kids’ soap © Varsity Publications Ltd, 2006. 11-12 Trumpington St., Cambridge CB2 1QA Tel: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 To be fair, there were some anyone against working in the will be on the 28th December. 352913 advantages to Lush. The 50% retail sector in the run up to Happy shopping!

varsity.co.uk/comment | 24.11.06 11

Ethics Girl

A Green Christmas

nitially, my proposed ques- tions for Varsity’s Christmas Quiz began: “How many people die annually from human induced climate change?” Iand “What percentage of Africa’s population live below the poverty line?” That sounds really fun. Luckily, Will came to the rescue. “The dinner party’s finished: there are lots of dirty dishes. Which uses less electricity: (a) a dishwasher on economy cycle or (b) washing the dishes by hand?” The answer, unexpectedly, is (a). Green as I am, I was surprised. But this just goes to show: solu- tions to problems – on whatever scale – should never be taken for granted. The little things really can make a difference. According to Friends of the Earth’s new Green Christmas Guide 248,000 trees could be saved if Britons recycled, rather than threw away, the estimated 744m Christmas cards sent annually. Another 50,000 could be saved if the 83 square kms of wrapping paper ILLUSTRATION: TIM DRAKE thrown away in the year 2005 was recycled in 2006. Why does this matter? Waste Mike requires landfill or incineration: Our slice of American Pie environmental hazards. Moreover, Kielty trees absorb CO2, helping combat climate change. Only last week a Has British culture bitten off more than it can chew? new report estimated that melting ice has resulted in a 22 per cent decrease in the number of polar ou never know what bubble of Cambridge is under the undergoing continual change. The feels more like an undercurrent: a bears surviving their first year. your history is American influence. For all its Iraqi “disaster” Tony Blair referred phenomenon that we choose to It’s difficult to square Western going to be like until cobbled streets replete with twee to in his interview with al-Jazeera ignore as the checkout attendant lifestyles with those in countries long after you’re little tearooms, bookish dons who has profoundly undermined the swipes our card. Those Levi’s may battling with AIDS pandemics, civil gone. No, that is not have not seen a TV since before model of American military and have been made (or even designed) war, natural disasters, famine and a misprint, mistake the war and theatres that show political supremacy in the Middle in Thailand, but we still buy them other catastrophes. Christmas, inex- Yor even an example of a declining “classic” drama, not even East and beyond. New powers such with a desire to conform to a defin- tricably connected with purchase standard in student journalism. It Cambridge speech can escape as China and India are rising eco- itively American notion of “cool”. and abundance, only highlights the is what the world knows, rather Americanisms. We must have all nomically, simultaneously asserting As Asian countries rise in global disparities between rich and poor. wearily, as a “Bushism”; a painful- noticed that rising inflection a new confidence in traditions that influence, we are retrenching into This makes it easy to feel that we ly comic line from the President towards the end of our sentences. have lain dormant under the pres- an exclusive cultural sphere, divid- cannot make a difference on a big that we all love to hate, the demo- How can anyone quickly forget sure of what Benjamin Barber ed from the radical otherness that scale. But imagine if everyone did cratically-elected head of the “this one time, at Band Camp…”? pointedly termed “McWorld”. surrounds it. It is this elitism, fur- their bit. FoE’s guide already shows superpower that knowingly domi- Without one sinking into either a thermore, that foments the grow- the huge number of trees that could nates Western culture. In his eulogistic vein recalling Bush’s ing distrust now radiating towards be saved. So, I’m setting myself sheepish manner, however, Bush uninformed patriotism, or just “Tracing a apparent Western hypocrisy from some goals this year. Here are a few alludes to an historical truism: the another wet-blanket liberal encomi- the Middle East and beyond. to try that didn’t make FoE’s list. future will judge us for how we um, America has been seen as a definably A globalised world should mean Don’t flush too often: as well as are acting now - by living in the force for a freedom that so much of more than just an Americanised one. saving water, Auntie Mabel will American shadow, we all exhibit a the world still craves. The spread of “British” identity In Britain, the homogeneity of our never (ever) come over for mince narrow-mindedness that is both its cultural symbols has increased material possessions seem to pies again. wasteful and dangerous. It is time as its stock as a world power has has become an embody a more profound obsession Alternatively, wrap yourself in for us to look further, culturally as risen, and in general these dynamic increasingly with our neighbour across the recycled newspaper with a sign say- well as politically, and open up to mediums have edified, rather than Atlantic that serves to undermine ing “I’m yours”. That way you a wider world demanding our corroded, our cultural variety. troublesome our own sense of identity whilst, reduce manufactured clutter and attention. Modern life would be a whole lot more importantly, alienating us from provide your boy/girlfriend with the Tracing a definably “British” sadder without Microsoft and occupation” learning different and perhaps bet- best present (s)he’s ever received. identity has become an increasing- Apple, jeans and T-Shirts, Friends ter modes of thinking and living. (Do not do this in the family home. ly troublesome occupation for and The Simpsons. Homer nearly Wearing a sari or learning Mandarin You will seriously confuse your politicians and commentators makes up for the other dumb are not just visible symbols of an grandmother should she wander alike. Grandiose initiatives like American male that routinely inclusive mode of thought, they are into your bedroom thinking it’s the “Cool Britannia” are certainly graces our screens. actions that invite us to embrace a kitchen. It’s been known.) symbolic of this, but so too is the Yet, under the overwhelming This cultural impact is being felt culture divergent from our own, to Get outside and try egg throwing average student who trudges influence that America has over in Britain. Chicken Tikka Masala learn a little more about our com- (like “catch” but with eggs) instead down to lectures in drooping every other potential source of cul- has long been our national dish and mon humanity. In this new century, of watching the Queen’s speech. Just Levi’s and hoody, idly checking tural influence in our lives, a gap is now to see the label “Made in it is simply not enough to dream of think of the electricity saved if their phone as they chew some opening between our narrowly U.S.A”, let alone its quaint British “Californication”. There is a wider everyone did that. It’s really some- gum and listen to 50 Cent on their Western perception of the world cousin, is something of a rarity on world, exciting as well as troubling, thing when the thought that you walkman. Even the “what-ho” and actual global realities that are any manufactured product. Yet it that requires another look. might get yolk all over your face is more exciting than listening to the monarch address her nation. Finally, have that dinner party Right to reply Will was on about: just remember that, actually, the answer is neither (a) nor (b). True green ones would Do you have something to say? have opted for (c): get your guests to lick the plates before they leave. Have a lovely Christmas. email [email protected] Tess Riley

10 varsity.co.uk/discuss | 24.11.06 varsity.co.uk/discuss | 24.11.06 25

Discuss editor: Catherine Hall Turn to page 29 or lift up Arts and Features for more discussion Discuss Email: [email protected]

» Message from »Letter of the week Corrections and Milan Cambridge Crisis: answers to your problems clarifications “After hours of royal blue torture at ADC clubnights, I finally »“Will our relationship survive outside the Cambridge Bubble?” »Varsity’s ever-popular cryptic crossword was unfortunately unsolv- able last week, since it had been lost it and attacked with scissors, needle and thread” printed with the clues from cross- Dear Varsity, tically think that I will be able to friends as well as my boyfriend. really don’t want to lose him; its word no.457. Disappointed readers Dear Sir, After hours of royal blue torture at wandering around town this week cause, and who knows, maybe one see him over the holidays, due to making me dread the end of term can rest assured that this no.459 is ADC Clubnights I finally lost it and then be sure to cast a few admiring day I’ll even design some myself. I met my boyfriend at Cambridge, work and seeing family. I know we I really like him, but I’m not sure and going home! printed, in full, below. I very much enjoyed Jamie Munk’s attacked with scissors, needle and glances in the direction of their glit- and being a first year, I am con- will be able to keep in touch via how well we will cope going from article last week about the horrors of thread. What emerged was my first ter glue emblazoned hats. Bethan Bide cerned about how our relationship phone and internet, but it still seeing each other every day to I’ve tried talking to him about it, »The mysterious identity of Nischa Pieris stash. Having been involved in the- ‘stash-dress’, and a realisation that New Hall will survive when we have broken seems a really long time. We’ve having a long-term relationship but he just seems to think every- Apathy Lad can now be revealed. atre since my first term here I was stash could be fun. Much as I mock the constant stream ADC Designers Rep out of the Cambridge Bubble over been together since Freshers’ for six weeks. I’m also worried he thing will be fine, and it’s not too Varsity wishes to apologise to always staunchly proud of my ‘no of ill fitting and bizarrely coloured the long Christmas break. Week and we’ve got really close might meet someone at home, or long a break. Am I worrying too George Grist for failing to credit him stash’ policy, and spent many a happy It seems that I am by no means hoodies that are paraded around the Tell Varsity what’s on your very quickly. Our friendship group having time away from our rela- much? for his excellent column. ilan’s metro is one self-congratulatory hour as they only alone in this view; I sat cheering the university, at least they give me mind - each week, the best He lives in Scotland and I am far is the same, and I’m scared if we tionship might change his mind of the places to person in an auditorium not to look Closer cast earlier this term as they something to read in lectures, and letter will win a specially away in Devon, and I don’t realis- did split up, I would lose all my about how he feels about me. I Rachel It is Varsity’s policy to amend all observe the city’s like they worked in a holiday camp. ripped and slashed their t-shirts cre- offend me considerably less than selected bottle of wine from significant errors as soon as possible obsession with This was until I joined the ADC com- ating different necklines and styles, school leavers hoodies or college our friends at Cambridge in the digital edition on varsity.co.uk image. It is a city mittee, and stash became a job and if you catch a glimpse of anyone scarves. As such I am tempted to see Wine Merchants, King’s Parade Dear Rachel, You in turn must resist the efforts settled in your head. Allow me to enough to replace that glowing and in the archives. Please email where it is never requirement rather than an option. involved with The Bald Prima Donna stash as a challenge rather than lost of your worried parents to tempt fertilise them. feeling inside you get having your any errors to Mtoo early in the day or late in the The Michaelmas term of your first you from your romantic reveries boyfriend around or enough to [email protected] noting the season to wear black, where year lasts for ever, and it will be a with dumplings and cream, and do You know what it’s like between warm you up on those cold winter issue and page number(s). Or there is no such thing as fake in the first two sections of the exam. students need to be able to discuss, of common sense are overlooked by real shock when you go home and your best to ignore their you and your boyfriend better nights, you’re just going to have telephone the business manager on fur, where it is not considered In fact, being able to produce the past by speaking or writing, a range of the supposedly gifted and intellectual discover that in Devon only eight anguished confessions to friends than I can tell from the CCTV to make the effort and pay him a 01223 337575 between 9:30am and ridiculous to wear sunglasses historic is not on the A-level, or even serious current issues. I am complete- students of Cambridge. weeks have passed. that their daughter has fallen in camera I put in your room last visit. 5pm Monday to Friday. after sunset or on the metro the AEA, syllabus - all that ly in favour of reinstating the litera- with someone from Beyond night. You wouldn’t be thinking so because it usually means you’re is required is recognition. ture side of things, because I think it How much effort does it take to turn What is worse, no-one will under- Exeter. strongly about your boyfriend Devon to Dundee might seem hungover, one of the many ways is a valuable aspect of any language, off a light bulb? Or shut the window stand that since October your life leaving you over the holidays if long-distance compared with that of proving that you are cool in a I understand that this article is also but do not believe that the French when the radiator’s on? These has changed beyond recognition. Survive this and you will know you didn’t know in your hearty midnight stroll across the old place where it is social suicide to about the gap between A level and which most French-speaking actions are not globally-motivated, Not only have you learned several that your relationship was built to heart of hearts that he’s not really courts to his stair, but it’s hardly stay in for more than one night the first year of Tripos, and thus does people use every day should be a effort-requiring demonstrations or useful facts during this term but last. If, on the other hand, interested. transatlantic. If the phone and the co.uk in a row. As a passive observer, I not entirely blame the students or “spin-off”. misjudged campaigns: they are func- you have met an intriguing Scot. McDarcy reverts to a life of revel- internet just can’t compete with of course initially found these teachers for their ignorance, but nev- tionally obvious and both economical- Is it all too good to last? Never ry and Hogmanay excess, and Oh sure, he says it’ll be fine – but seeing him in person, put your protocols absurd, until one ertheless I think you have seriously Katherine McDonald ly and ecologically benevolent. fear, if he is truly your McDarcy worse still his phone is switched that’s just his way of saying he’s work aside, book that budget Exclusive morning last week I went to misrepresented the difficulty of what Pembroke College he will be man enough to live a permanently to messages, you can already shagging someone else, flight to Scotland and celebrate » work still drunk, and preferring you asked your candidates to do. So what’s our fucking problem? life of self-denial over Christmas, count yourself lucky that you the bastard. If you couldn’t see Hogmanay under the stars bedroom podcast to feel preposterous and unprin- Dear Sir, Dear Sir, Maybe to change the world we don’t surviving on the occasional dry found out before it was too late. any problems you wouldn’t have together. cipled rather than have a blonde And as for the gap between A level need bombastic Live Aid extravan- oat cake and tear-stained tele- written to me and my agony pals. from Cambridge in a power suit look at me in dis- I find the article “After-School and Tripos - does it exist because the I read with great interest the ganzas, or tree-killing flier upon flier phone call to you. Dr David Summers Therefore there are problems. Big You said you were worried about gust for having puffy eyes, I kept French” unfair in its underestimation A level is inappropriate or because Features Front on Climate Change in from Greenpeace: we need a little Department of Genetics ones. Like, it’s not going to be him meeting someone new back band The October my oversize shades on when I of Cambridge French students’ Tripos is not keeping up with the last week’s issue. It is an area I feel self-respect. Honour your own okay. It’s going to be agony. home, but if you’ve managed to got on at my stop and can assure knowledge, mainly because the items times? very strongly about, and George rational capabilities and you’ll find Dear get through the frantic first eight Game you I would have provoked more on your test are not “GSCE stan- Monbiot’s contribution in particular that those tiny things like switching Rachel, You’ve got this endearing comedy weeks of your time at Cambridge looks with them off. dard” as you claim. I can only speculate on this, as I am a left me with plenty to think about. off the lights make more of a differ- couple thing going with the Devon together, while you’re both meet- »Know someone Classicist, but from my memories of ence than Apathy Boy thinks. I know. and Scottish accents, sure, but ing new people and getting In a city where the ‘model-to- A quick scan through Edexcel’s list of A level French, it was rarely “recre- I agree that the individualisation of You’re that’s not going to tide you over involved in University life, a few with talent? mortal’ proportion is high, many required linguistics structures and ational” as Professor Ford says. modern society leads us all to become Yours sincerely, worried the dangerous Christmas holi- weeks at home in the highlands are seen floating about the city, vocabulary for GCSE also shows that GCSE certainly was, but A level ‘Apathy Boys’, reinforcing our lack of and you’re days. New Year’s Day? Dump the should be a breeze. If anything, Upload your T

towering over the rest of us. A the construction “ne... pas que” is not focused on news reports (both writ- activity by our autonomous cultural Lowri Jenkins N looking for Devon Girl Day, more like. You the Christmas break is the perfect U

German model I met who lived in required, nor is any of the vocabulary ten and spoken), articles, and other positions. However it really pisses Fitzwilliam College H support, but I’m know I’m right. I always am. time to take stock of the good nominations for S

London told me how she hated on which you tested your candidates serious pieces. To do well at A level, me off when energy-saving matters E not going to give things in life, and appreciate what L

U the Varsity 100

the superficiality that Milan J you any. You’re a Chin up, you have. : oozed. ‘In London’ she com- N first year and you O I plained, ‘you could walk about T don’t know any- Tom Kingsley Just don’t forget the popular A »The editors blog R

wearing a potato sack and T thing. But I do. Cambridge Footlights adage can be true, ‘absence makes S nobody would bat an eyelid’. U Listen to my the heart grow fonder’

L from abroad L This may seem rather exaggerat- Way Back When: Varsity Archives I knowledge. Dear Rachel, ed, but comparatively true. Walk Mark Jobson down the streets of Milan, and »January 13th, 1951 and February 3rd, 1951: Post War rationing The seeds of If minced pies, mulled wine and Captain, Cambridge Mixed just one strand of hair out of doubt have already carol singers at the door aren’t Lacrosse Team Varsity asks: place is enough to get looks of between 8 and 9.30 am and 4 and 5.30 Sidney Sussex are reducing their disapproval. pm. Those with gas fires have been number of fresh meat meals by sub- Poll Results asked to turn them only half stituting tinned meat for one of them. While they spend thousands on on.Downing has no reserves and is They are already serving six fish Games 32.Valuable lice tumble into news. (9) Varsity crossword no. 459 beautifying themselves and their using coal as soon as it is delivered. meals a week –two breakfasts, three We asked: So how much do homes, the rich Milanese seem Central heating in Trinity’s new hos- lunches and one fried fish dinner. DOWN 123 4 567 you cost your college any- all but reluctant to give anything tel is turned off. Clare has enough A few colleges are more hopeful. 1.Degree by which stripped Elsa’s way? towards cleaning up their city. coal in stock for only one more week. John’s are using tinned meat exten- Cryptic makes model material. (5) a)The Bursar has my bank Urban development is painfully sively and are not reducing the num- Crossword 2.Hundred back research facility - my details on the wall. slow, from construction workers ber of meat meals. This is increasing ride, for example (6) 8 9 b) I have a marvellous collection improving the pavements so they their expenses, but they are unlikely ACROSS 3.Oddly, ship nigh everything with of formal hall china. are ‘temporarily’ out of action, to More fish and to raise their charges to undergradu- 1.Supports rate getting rid of charac- scorch. (5) 10 c) Last winter we were forced the ‘temporary’ canvas sheet rabbit in hall ates. Clare have a large supply of ter (9) 4.Unruffled at vegetable temperature to burn the furniture. over the Duomo’s Gothic façade hares, turkeys, rabbits and tinned 5.Stage support in Maori’s error. (5) (4,2,1,8) 11 12 13 d) The Master still owes me that that has been there for two years Most colleges are having to reduce meats and are similarly making no 8.Cry, cripple with New Testament. 5.Bean, raised, earns consolation prize tenner from last year. now. In Milan, ‘temporariness’ their number of meat meals as a reductions. (6) (6-2) 10 14 seems to be ironically, a constant Many colleges men on the staircase it serves have to result of the recent cut in the meat 9.Syncronicity within stairs. (2,4) 6.Test with anger at comedy (6) state, and a regular excuse for go elsewhere for baths. The bursar is ration. The weekly domestic ration 10.Slow heart with exclamation (2) 7.Volunteer, with evil inside, returns 15 16 13 14 the general dysfunction of shiver in fuel considering reducing the heating in has been cut from 10d. woth of car- 11.A brute will shortly emit a topic to refill (9) things. the chapel. cass meat and 2d. worth of corned for study (8) 12.Time I became small (4) 17 18 19 20 crisis In St Catharine’s pressure for gas beef to 10d. woth of carcass meat and 13.Headless seer – that is creepy. (5) 15.“No, tear it!” I crazily repeat. (9) 16% 12% Consumerism can be seen at Stringent economies in the use of fires has been lowered, and a notice 2d. worth of corned beef, and 14.Spoon - turn it round, initially? (4) 16.Fashionable waste receptacle 17 18 19 20 (d) (a) it’s rawest in the richer shopping fuel, gas and electricity are being on the screen warns that the fuel sit- allowances to institutions have been 17.Wild elation accompanies boat’s rejects note. (2) districts in central Milan. I took adopted by a number of colleges. uation in Cambridge is very bad cut in the same proportion. trimmer (7,8) 18.Car and Conservative - sound 21 22 23 related? (8) a stroll down one of these dis- Undergraduates have returned from indeed and that only strictly limited Unrationed forms of meat –tinned 22.Frisbee, for example, is in direct 19.Turner without work gives you a 24 25 26 27 28% tricts and came across a lifestyle the vacation to find the pressures supplies of coal will be available for meats and rabbits –are expensive. current (4) measure of things. (4) 44% shop that dedicated its window low for their gas fires, restrictions on use in college throughout the Lent Trinity, wth one fewer meat meal 24.Man with front of bicycle was else- (c) (b) 20.Italian flower is in stump over hill. 28 display to washing machines. I the use of elextric fires, shortages of term. Fires are not to be used before than usual this week and further where (5) (2) have no need whatsoever for coal and of hot water. Other colleges, 4.30 on weekdays and 1pm on reductions expected, are using tinned 25.Dream ruined after UN Hospital is 21.Deprive saint after jumping into 29 24 30 one, but I just stopped and gazed however, seem to be unaffected by Sundays, and those in residence are meats but are trying not to exhaust fine (8) pool (6) at this display as if it were a the crisis: one head porter said that asked to economise by sharing fires their stocks. They are also trying not 28.Be conjugated in the morning (2) 23.Stab demon beer (6) 22 spiritual revelation. Only the his was ‘serenely indifferent’. and by burning all dust and slack. to use more fish. Fitzwilliam House, 29.Freezer one church will fight (6) 26.Open to brotherly love (5) Milanese, I thought to myself, At Kings the situation was Girton expects that the hot water who are reducing their present three 30.Unoccupied, I leave via hypocrisy. 27.Fruits are an integral part of histo- have the capacity to make a described as ‘very bad’. One boiler supplies will have to be reduced, and or four meat meals to two, could only (6) 31 32 Go to varsity.co.uk for games washing machine look sexy. has already been turned off, and the already electric fires may not be used serve rabbit and hare at a loss. 31.Cool two hot drinks, inside? No! (5) ry (5) solution and to vote in our poll

Features

&ArtsFriday November 24th 2006 | Issue 648

Quiz Time

Features Interview Arts Reviews » Science, » A lovely day » Music, » Varsity News, Ethics, out spent with Visual Arts, picks its top and Fashion in Guardian Classical and ten albums the Features columnist Theatre in the of 2006 quiz Jon Ronson Arts quiz P 14-15 P 17 P 18-19 P 21

14 varsity.co.uk/features | 24.11.06 Features Front With a little bit more time on your hands towards the end of term, why not have a go at the Varsity Christmas quiz? Nearly a 100 questions on current affairs, lifestyle and culture. Answers on page 24

The News Quiz Set by Joe Gosden

1. What is the name of the a) 2 6. What was the attendance of Indian Prime Minister? b) 3 KCSU’s anti top-up fees demonstra- a) Mahmoud Singh c) 4 tion? b) Manmohan Singh a) 16 protesters, 15 pigeons and Luke c) Michael Singh 4. What percentage of Cambridge Pickering students admitted to writing their b) 40 protesters, 2 bikes and a CUSU 2. CUSU’s “premier” new club essays using Wikipedia? banner night, Crowd Control, shut a) 26% c) 22 Japanese tourists, Lianna Wood down after how many people b) 52% and a small tortoise named Sam allegedly attended? c) 81% a) 4 7. A selection of male drinking soci- b) 40 5. In her annual address, V.C eties posed in a fashion shoot for c) 400 Alison Richard promised to: which U.S. magazine? a) Turn Newnham into a convent a) Playboy 3. How many students has b) Prioritise undergraduate teaching b) Vice Varsity reported as having rid- c) Introduce an undergraduate course c) Gay Times den the Jesus horse this term? in Synthetic Biology

PHOTOS BY EMILY WRIGHT AND ALEX CONSTANTINIDES s The Ethical Quiz Set by Tess Riley 11

e 1. Select which statement George 5. It's the world's second most used Bush has not (yet…) said: metal; it can be recycled over and a) “I just want you to know that, when over again without any loss in qual- we talk about war, we're really talking ity; it does not rust when exposed to about peace.” – Washington, D.C., June water or the atmosphere. What is it?

r 18, 2002 a) Aluminium b) “Do you have blacks, too?” – to b) Iron Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, c) Steel Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001 c) “I thank God every day for the inven- 6. Which of the following are cur- tion of dictatorship.” – during a Dec. rently being used to generate elec- 2002 Oval Office meeting tricity? 22 with Rep. Tom Lantos a) Chicken and pig excrement

u b) Chicken and human excre- 2. Baby Australian ment Crab Spiders eat c) Chicken, pig and human what when they excrement

t are born? a) Their mothers 7. You’re mowing your b) Their siblings lawn. To ensure you're c) Tofu producing the least amount of greenhouse 3. What are scien- gas emissions, what tists warning might should you do with the a increase in Britain in grass clippings? the next 50 years as the cli- a) Take your clippings to a landfill site mate warms? b) Don't use a catcher when mowing and 33 a) Numbers of Scorpions allow the clippings to scatter over the b) Numbers of Sharks lawn c) Instances of West Nile Virus c) Mix the clippings with the compost

e heap in your garden 4. Ruminating cattle (on beef and dairy farms) are among the highest 8. What colour is a polar bear’s skin? generators of: a) White a) Carbon dioxide b) Brown b) Methane c) Black c) Nitrous oxide F varsity.co.uk/features | 24.11.06 15

The Science Quiz The Fashion Quiz Set by Udayan Bhattacharya Set by Rosanna Falconer and Olivia Johnson 1. Which Cambridge don is also the c) Copper present Astronomer Royal? a) Martin Ryle 6. Actinology is the study of what? 1. Which of these female pop a) 75 b) Martin Rees a) Insects stars has not established her b) 80 c) Arnold Wolfendale b) Tropical diseases own clothing line? c) 90 c) Effect of light on Chemicals a) Beyoncé 2. Which creature’s eye is bigger b) Gwen Stefani 6. Which of the following is not than its brain? 7. How many sides does a c) Britney Spears a cult designer bag? a) Shark tetrakaidekahedron have? a) The Chelsea b) Squid a) 14 2. Which fashion house b) The Paddington c) Ostrich b) 24 created the Birkin bag, as c) The Kelly c) 40 famous for its four year 3. What is the most common waiting list as its high price? 7. Who famously fell out of her solid tissue transplanted 8. What is Pantotheric acid more a) Chloe towering Vivienne Westwood throughout the world? commonly known as? b) Chanel heels on the catwalk? a) Bone marrow a) Vitamin B5 c) Hermes a) Cindy Crawford b) Cornea b) Bile b) Gisele Bundchen c) Skin c) Urea 3. Which of the following is not c) Naomi Campbell a type of heel? 4. Besides the Richter scale, 9. If you stretched out your entire DNA a) platform 8. Which famous fashion guru what else is the intensity of from just one cell, how long would it be? b) needle was educated at earthquakes measured in? a) 2 millimetres c) cigarette Cambridge? a) Mercalli Scale b) 2 centimetres a) Lisa Armstrong b) Mulliken Scale c) 2 metres 4. Which model notoriously b) Harriet Quick c) Allred-Rochow scale said, “I don’t get out of bed c) Suzy 10. Which planet could, for less than $10,000 a Menkes 5. Menkes Syndrome is the deficiency of theoretically, float in water? day”? which mineral? a) Mercury a) Christy Turlington a) Magnesium b) Mars b) Linda Evangelista b) Sodium c) Saturn c) Naomi Campbell

5. How many years old is British Vogue this 44 month? The Food & Drink Quiz Set by Katie Craig

1. Which of the following is not 6. Who were the first people to a type of British cheese? drink chocolate? a) Cornish Yarg a) The Aztecs b) Stinking Bishop b) The Anasazi c) Basingstoke Blue c) The Chacoans

2. Which of the following is a 7. Who founded the process used in the making of McDonald’s chain? wine? a) Chuck McDonald a) Maceration b) Ronald McDonald b) Micturition c) Ray Croc c) Hydropathy 8. Which of the following 3. If I ordered a Mint Julep, Indian Restaurants does not what would I be drinking? exist in Cambridge? a) An Iced Tea a) Curry Garden b) A Cocktail b) Curry Lord c) A Liqueur c) Curry Queen

4. Which of these is 9. “Mince Pies” is Cockney not a variety of rhyming slang for… 55 pasta? a) Eyes a) Farfalle b) Thighs Picture Round b) Finestra c) Lies c) Fettuccine 10. If I asked for a portion of Think you know Cambridge? Look 5. “Kloß” is a “Criadillas” in a Spanish type of restaurant what would I get? closely at these five images and German… a) Broiled chorizo a) Sausage b) Tomato Soup with sheep’s tongue see if you can work out what they b) Potato Dumpling c) Bull’s testicles are and where they are in the city c) Wheat Beer Apply online by 24 December 2006 at www.mercermc.com/joinlondon

varsity.co.uk/features | 24.11.06 17 Interview

Jon Ronson Mary Bowers meets up with the author, film-maker and Guardian columnist Jon Ronson for a cup a tea and a walk in the park tanding outside Jon Ronson’s front and kept with their legs in plaster in a way of looking at the world would be to unfortunately she’s a neo-Nazi. I’ve door, nerves suddenly gripe. Like hanger in North Carolina. He has been move into theirs and stand alongside always thought that if I wasn’t married, Smany other readers of his weekly chased across Portugal by “shadowy them while they glared back at us.” That and Rachel didn’t believe that Jews were Guardian column I subconsciously feel I henchmen” with David Icke, a man who process includes driving Islamic extrem- mud-people just maybe, you know…” he know him, his long-suffering wife Elaine, believes the world to be run by a panel of ist Omar Bakri to Office World to do giggles, then sighs and shakes his head. and eight-year-old son Joel. I feel fully shape-shifting lizards. He interviewed some photocopying (and worrying “But it is not to be.” qualified to speak about his opinions on Jonathan King during his trial for six whether this counts as aiding his Jihad), We take a walk through London and good parenting, climate change, or any child-offence charges, investigated the and exchanging e-mails and Christmas Ronson stares around him with bug-eyed other topic. But now, I’m not so sure. I “Jesus Christians” who donate their kid- cards with Jonathan King from curiosity. This is his natural enthusiasm begin to fear that Jon Ronson, the thirty- neys to strangers on the internet and Pentonville Prison. He’s interested, he for the world, the excitement that turns something Jewish columnist, writer and quizzed Major Charles Ingram on those says, in “the human dynamic”. He takes every moment into a wonder. He marvels documentary film-maker, might be only a famously well-timed fits of coughing on himself out of his own mindset and takes at a pattern of coloured plastic cups figment of the imagination, and the man on theirs. Being in Piccadilly Circus with squeezed into a fence spelling a tag beyond the welcome mat might be a Bakri and his followers was “like I’d name; he wants road humps back in balding, stubbly middle-aged bachelor, » She’s really never been there before… its about see- Islington – and plans to make a personal living in a basement in Islington with ing the world through their eyes and see- lobby for them. He wants to know what pot-noodle wrappers, a computer and its sweet...unfortunately ing it as just as warped and nuts and its like to go to Cambridge, to be an ex- grimy keyboard. When my cautious door- she’s also a neo-Nazi.. irrational as we see them.” Behind the Evangelical Christian, and what I want knocking is repaid with a cheery “com- small, slightly hunched figure picking to do after I leave. I am beginning to ing!”, and I am led into a basement I’ve always thought that if the wood from his own kitchen table is a wonder whether Ronson’s patience and kitchen with teapot, stove, and Joel’s man with an innate desire to do precise- enthusiasm might be believable or banal. colourful scribbles pinned up to the I wasn’t married, and ly what journalists are accused of not Then, right on cue, we are forced back- fridge, relief suddenly descends. This, Rachel didn’t believe doing: of empathising tirelessly with his wards to avoid a white van swerving thank goodness, is the Jon Ronson I subjects until he understands their around the corner. “Can’t he fucking sig- know. “I was a bit worried when I saw that Jews were mud actions. “With Jonathan King its ‘here’s a nal?” he shouts, waving his umbrella, this one,” Ronson muses, staring at a people, maybe just man crumbling and what does that feel and then reminds us both that he meant huge black scribble that looks like some like’” he explains, “and with Bakri to write that strongly-worded letter to kind of maniacal black eyeball, “but maybe, you know...” ‘here’s someone who lives amongst us the Council. then, I was told it was a record…of and is trying to destroy us by collecting course.” There is a cheque there too, for Hamas in big Cola Cola bottles.’” Jon Ronson will be appearing in made out to his wife for “£everything – “Who Wants to be a Millioniare?” Sometimes he is able to laugh at the Cambridge to give a talk and sign copies Just bloody take it – take it all! The Yet what sets Ronson apart from the extent of his empathy. He mentions of his new book, Out of the Ordinary: whole lot”. Louis Theroux school of humourous Rachel, the daughter of Randy Weaver, True Tales of Everyday Craziness on Sitting down in front of teapot and dic- investigative journalism is his constant an ex-Green Beret in the US Special Thursday 30th November at 7pm at taphone seems strange: for Ronson, the attempts to humanise the inhuman, to Forces who, believing he was being Borders, Market Square. For more infor- journalistic shoe is normally on the other open up the strangest minds and find chased by the government, moved his mation call 01223 306188. foot. He has questioned the US military out how they are wired. In Them: family (and his gun collection) to a log on a secret policy that required one hun- Adventures with Extremists, he explains cabin hideout atop a mountain in Idaho. dred goats to be deprived of their bleat “I thought that perhaps an interesting “I liked her a lot. She’s really sweet…

18 varsity.co.uk/arts | 24.11.06 varsity.co.uk/arts | 24.11.06 19 Arts Front The Music Quiz Picture Round The Visual Arts Quiz Set by Katy Wells and Freya Johnson-Ross Set by Jonny Yarker Identify each of these five films, all big hits from 2006 1. Ex Guns ‘n’ Roses headcase Axl 5. Of whom did mouthy popstar Rose has been working on his solo Lily Allen say, “he’s obviously con- 1. Which lucky man won a 2. Whose "False Start" cost album for nigh on ten years. What is vinced he is God or something”? "shed" load of money at the someone a cool, and record- it titled? a) Robbie Williams 11 Tate back in January? breaking, $80 million? a) Chinese Democracy b) Pete Doherty b) Chinese Takeaway c) Carl Barat 3. Who got Nick-ed for a c) Chinese New Year smashing Chinese? Clue: 6. Which just-the-right-side-of-men- watch those shoelaces. 2. Before she became an indie- tal popstar is married to video pop starlet, Long Blondes lead artist Matthew Barney? 4. "Can you see what it is singer Kate Jackson worked a) Bjork yet?” Which Sheila got a where? b) Amy Winehouse right royal make over? a) A record store c) Fergie from the b) A clothes boutique Black-Eyed Peas 5. What a load of c) A meat market shit: who got crap 7. What was the name from the charity 3. Which band were accused in of Elton John’s first commission for the Daily Mail of encourag- spouse? buying crap? ing teenagers to join a) Renate Blauel “dangerous cults”? b) Trudi Stimmer a) Panic at the Disco! c) Brigitte Holz b) My Chemical Romance c) Westlife 8. Which European city is home to Morrisey? 4. Which album won a)Rome the 2001 Mercury b)Lisbon Music Prize? c)Cardiff a) PJ Harvey – Stories from The City, Stories 9. Beck is a member of which 22 33 44 55 from the Sea celebrity-endorsed church? b) Ms. Dynamite – a) Kabbalah A Little Deeper b) Scientology c) Badly Drawn c) Russian Orthodox Boy – The Hour of Bewilderbeast

The Literature Quiz The Classical Quiz The Theatre Quiz Set by Hermione Buckland-Hoby Set by James Drinkwater Set by Catherine Spencer

1. Which literary lady was voted one of the 4. Name that old queen of a poet whose 1. Whose Oceanic Symphony including 16 player-pianos, 1. How many of Shakespeare's 4. Which of Virginia Woolf's novels is 7. '___' and '___'; those two tricksters world’s best-dressed in this month’s Vogue? portrait hangs in Pembroke hall? elicited the Shavian quip a siren, seven bells and works will have been performed by currently, and somewhat in the play staged at both the a) Zadie Smith a) Ted Hughes that it merited its epithet three aeroplane propellers? the end of the RSC's “Complete surprisingly, being staged at the National and the ADC this autumn? b) Germaine Greer b) Edmund Spenser only “in respect of not being Works” festival? National Theatre? Their names and the play? c) Carol Ann Duffy c) Philip Sidney fresh, and of being drench- ingly copious”? 2. Which recent west-end hit, an 5. Tickets for this Ballet were 8. He’s one of the most prolific writ- 2. Keira Knightley is set to star 5. Whose “auto”biography is said to be adaptation of the 1980s film, was described as being “like gold dust” – ers at the moment, who portrays in the big screen adapta- penned by Guardian fashion jour- 2. What is the name of pooh-poohed by one stuffy male crit- but whose music was causing all the public figures in his docudramas tion of which novel? nalist, Hadley Freeman? Lucifer's female adversary ic as “soft porn for girls”? fuss at the Royal Opera House? such as The Deal, The Queen and a) An Outrageous Affair a.) Victoria Beckham in Arthur Sullivan's Frost/Nixon, yet who himself by Penny Vincenzi b.) Cheryl Tweedy (enthusiastically-received) s 3. Name the wunderkind actor caus- 6. Often cited as the only modern remains out of the public eye. b) Tess of the c.) Peaches Geldoff 1886 oratorio, The ing a stir by indulging in some dramatist to rival Shakespeare in Who is he? D’Urbervilles Golden Legend? naked frolicking – with a horse – for greatness, but with the added cachet by Thomas Hardy 6. Who wrote that there a Peter Schaffer production next of more bananas, he would have c) Atonement is a new England where 3. Which composer month? celebrated his centenary this year. by Ian McEwan “chicken tikka masala was once attacked t Who? has replaced fish and one his way home one 3. How did chips as the No. 1 take- night by a student for dystopia don, J. G. out dinner.” “having Ballard, make his a) Brian Sewell maligned his literary debut? b) Kiran Desai bassoon”?

r a) With a sonnet c) Salman Rushdie cycle in The Mays 4. How would One quiz isn’t enough so here’s even more fun for b) With a short story 7. According to a fictitious you play a in Varsity global poll, what is the greatest “tromba c) With a pompous letter to work of fiction ever? marina” you. And, this time it’s cultural. Answers on page 24 The Times a) Riders by Jilly Cooper b) Finnegans Wake by James Joyce 5. Which “bad boy of music” c) Hard to say really... composed the Ballet Mechanique (1924) for forces A

Friday November 24th 2006 | Issue 648 Formal Hall Review 2006

ILLUSTRATION BY JULES HUNT Martha & Mathilda This said however, do not be unawares of embarrassingly americanized “Cambridge- either be absent, or if they are there, you’ll the dangers inherent in the Formal Hall. U” typeface, and on the back a lion ram- be suspiciously separate from them. muse on the ethos, Societies stalk the tables, pockets stuffed pant with the head of Edward the Formals are not about social interaction with the gold sovereigns commonly used Confessor. Cambridge formal penny-packs with strangers. They are about songs. history and execution for pennying. The formal wine (c. £2.95/bot- come in a shade of light blue, with two uni- Everyone likes a charming college-themed tle) is sadly often far from fine, and metal corns leonine, holding the coat and arms of song, especially at Christmas. The choir of the classic formal poisoning can perhaps be considered symp- Queen Victoria. doesn’t count – if the choir do sing, it is tomatic of the large copper constituent of usually in the college books that every true he breezy, after-hours glow of formal an acerbic merlot. Furthermore, unless college member must drown them out in is a rarity to be sampled every night your gown is made of little knitted penny » Everybody slides an approximation of Handel’s Messiah, set Tat Cambridge – do not neglect it, for pockets – which they are at Emmanuel, a to words such as: name of college, college where else can you digest the notable college that incidentally invented the off chairs and benches animal, porter, pass the porter, boat, and niceties of wine and multiple courses “penny” when Christopher Wren acciden- into a contented state of famously, latin phrase. After several cours- under the benevolent gaze of the Puritan tally dropped a gold sovereign in a delicate es – and if there are candles, burnt hair fathers? Portraiture by the old, artistic white, thus reversing years of alchemistry fed, drunk, and about and a lightly roasted sleeve – everybody Masters, and ample port flowing from the and ushering in a new age of scepticism – slides off chairs and benches into a con- cellars of the new, college Masters – what or you have fitted yourself with some form to climb the college tented state of fed, drunk, and about to more could one ask but the long oaken of formal fanny-pack, you are weaponless landmark climb the college landmark. Incidentally, tables and crystalline ring of silverware and must prepare for inebriation forth- the cupola of St. Paul’s originated in the against glass? This rite of passage is the with. Incidentally, a college survey revealed after-dinner banter (in antiquity there single most important thing that you can that Caius have the fanciest gowns, sport- The typical formal consists of a plush were no mints) of Sir Christopher Wren bring out to impress your relatives at any ing a lovely royal blue, with a velvet trim. hall, dim to bright lighting, and a troupe of and a couple of undergrad architects, fol- time of the year (not just Christmas), and They are, however, murder on the laundry glittering undergrads, which soon degener- lowing the accidental mid-dinner razing of if you ever decide to become a representa- bills. Transparent gowns are available ates into a mass of breadcrumbs and lost London to the ground, in turn following a tive of Scudamore’s, the more florid and from all good retailers; they do look rather napkins. If you are on a swap you will particularly bad spate of metal poisoning. arcane your formal hall knowledge, the like cagoules, but on the plus side, they probably alternate boy/girl, but, more And then the age of scepticism. In any more tips you will definitely garner. have a giant picture of King’s above the notably, the most interesting people will case, be prepared.

» continued overleaf... 31 college formals sampled by Varsity in our comprehensive Formal Hall Review Varsity Runner Up 2006 Christ’s 43/60 Darwin 40/60 King’s 52/60 Pembroke 51/60 At £4.70, Christ’s formal is relatively Nothing particularly fancy but not bad at The King’s formal is like no other, in that Pembroke can boast fairly delicious archi- cheap, with a lively traditional atmosphere. all – food is not “adventurous” but done there is no official dress code, no Latin tecture and an impressive menu of beef Charles Darwin is among the many por- well. They can be a bit militant with prayers, and no silly rituals for the fellows. with capriciously cubed potatoes and a traits twinkling down on surprisingly good clothing. Blasé about gowns but turn up You are not only allowed to get up, but starter rather daringly involving butter- food. A long suffering statue of Milton is without a tie at your peril; wear jeans mingling is positively encouraged between nut squash. All this to the backdrop of kissed on birthdays, but the raucousness and you'll be lucky if you get to eat. tables. Due to the absence of the “penny- candlelight and banter of a charming, nay, only officially starts after the fellows leave Candlelit with receptions before and gestapo” present in other colleges, raucous delightful, quality. Somewhat curious pen- the hall for cheese. Elie Yoo after. Solid. Like a Volvo. Oli Robinson drunkenness is a common feature by the nying and no-one ate the brussel sprouts, time coffee is served. Larry Hench but nonetheless, chin chin! Guy Stagg Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 5/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 8/10 Service: 6/10 Starter: 8/10 Atmosphere: 10/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 6/10 Value: 8/10 Main: 9/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 9/10 Service: 10/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 10/10 18/60 45/60 Churchill Downing 39/60 Peterhouse 44/60 Buffet Service, a salad killed with vinegar, If it is a formal meal that you’re after, Lucy Cav a main course that it was not possible to Downing is your place. Going to the loo or Lucy formals are usually fairly sedate and An effervescent atmosphere (with afros finish, a dessert worthy of a motorway arriving late during the meal is strictly always quite informal and friendly affairs. and dubious beards galore) was worth service station; Churchill failed to fulfil any forbidden and can result in a formal ban. For the many live-out students it's a rare the modest asking price of £4.85 on its of the normal expectations of a formal hall. The candlelit atmosphere and food are, opportunity to socialise in college. own. The excellent mackerel starter was Our necessary trip to a well known kebab however, excellent. Tender racks of lamb, Vegetarians and other special diets are well followed by enjoyable, if somewhat more van afterwards was better value, had bet- fresh bread rolls, delicious chocolate catered-for, though as ever there are com- run-of-the-mill, dishes. The service was ter service and provided considerably bet- mousse and fun dinner banter. Downing: plaints about small portion sizes. At £7.93 slow, but considering it was a week night, ter company. Churchill: dine there at your a formal of great food and company. for junior members it's good value. Peterhouse had much to recommend it. peril. Joe Gosden and Jamie Munk Jossie Clayton Carol Atack Mike Kielty

Starter: 4/10 Atmosphere: 5/10 Starter: 7/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 5/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 9/10 Main: 2/10 Service: 2/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 5/10 Dessert: 3/10 Value: 2/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 6/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 8/10

Clare 37/60 Emma 36/60 Magdalene 38/60 Queen’s 44/60 Clare Friday formal is a welcome opportu- It wasn't clear if the meat was beef or Three courses and silver service for £3.75 Queens’ formal is wisely organised on the nity for pasty grads to get out. Highlights lamb, but it was very tough. The people isn’t bad, but when two courses are poor assumption that by the time you hit pud- this week included a large group of vodka- at the end of the table weren't too gener- the value’s questionable (still, the tap water ding you are too sauced to notice. The food drinking Russians and the now weekly fea- ous with the portions of vegetables which was nice). Legendary kitchen king Gary definitely got progressively worse, but the ture of a lavishly camp-sounding dessert: left me irritatingly shortchanged. Love’s crusade against pennying was par- service was delightful and the hall scrubs this time, ta-dah! “Spoomata!” The night Climbing over a bench to sit down and ticularly impressive: candlelight was lovely, up nice. They put on a good show and I ended as always; in the MCR bar, drowning then being squashed between two people but so dark I could barely see my food, let was even asked to read Grace, which is in whisky. Claire Humphrey was another negative. Cassell Carter alone pennies Elie Yoo nice. An excellent evening. Bea Hunter

Starter: 5/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Starter: 8/10 Atmosphere: 5/10 Starter: 5/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 4/10 Service: 5/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Dessert: 2/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 3/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 5/10 Value: 8/10

Clare Hall 55/60 Fitz 44/60 New Hall 42/60 Robinson 44/60 Intimate atmosphere, fine dining, free flow- Crinkle cut carrots make me angry. Great atmosphere, lots of drunken groups Starter was a lovely and gooey risotto, ing complimentary wine, cheese course, Cheap alternatives to real flavours borne of both men and women in the scenic sur- followed by chicken wrapped in proscuit- intellectual cultured conversation about of "cooking" makes me angry. Feeling that roundings of the dome. Great starter, vege- to, which was enjoyable but forgettable, fine art, opera, ballet and Fitz cooking staff do know what a nice tarian main course a disappointment, but with a rustic bread-and-butter pudding to exhibitions. Not one for the meal should consist of, but haven't the special note should go to the gingerbread finish. A tastefully reserved atmosphere rsity drinking societies, but won- Va ingredients or funding to put it into Pudsey bears and ice cream for dessert. was undermined slightly by the ugliness Best Formal derfully Cantabrigian! 2006 action, makes me livid. Dessert, however: Catherine Hall of the building. Pricey but better value Catherine Hall consistently delicious. Jack Dentith than any restaurant. David Brown

Starter: 10/10 Atmosphere: 10/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 7/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Main: 9/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 9/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 8/10 Value: 6/10 Dessert: 6/10 Value: 7/10 MICHAEL DERRINGER

Corpus 48/60 Girton 36/60 Caius 34/60 Homerton 42/60 Hughes Hall 49/60 Jesus 48/60 Newnham 28/60 Selwyn 51/60 An excellent formal. The rich carrot soup The main course was a mixed bag, the To start with, I were presented with a bowl Homerton's formals are themed, but Formal at Hughes is pricey, but I wasn't A suspicious-looking first course was fol- Despite scintillating company, the food was Conducted by candlelight in the wood- delighted all on a cold winter’s eve and was duck being nice ‘n’ greasy but accompa- of warm salty water masquerading as veg- menus go out weeks in advance. Lively complaining. The creamy spiced mushrooms lowed by much better fare in the second a bit grim. The hall itself looked a bit like a panelled hall, formal at Selwyn is a silver complemented by the pork and roast pota- nied by a placenta... sorry, polenta that etable broth, which was fortunately soon atmosphere, and the service was good. starter and chocolate and raspberry torte and third (with a more than adequate school canteen, and the mandatory half a service yet relaxed and genial affair. toes that followed. Fast, cheerful service squirmed when moved and reminded me replaced by a butterflied chicken fillet with Quite expensive, but includes wine, and were of top restaurant level. The marinated vegetarian option). An intimate atmos- bottle of wine each was preposterous. But I Deliciously gooey baked camembert, fol- and a jovial atmosphere furnished a gener- of human flesh. The creme brulée for garden herbs, crispy jacket potato wedges, the portions are big. As gowns aren't turkey steak main was a little disappoint- phere was fostered within the impressive managed to share a gag with a porter after lowed by rich beef bourguignon made fine ally pleasing ambience that represented dessert seemed to be the same stuff, but buttered sweetcorn and mixed salad. Then worn, people make an effort to dress up, ing, but Hughes Hall regulars seemed equal- setting of the hall. The evening stayed he neglected to punish some ridiculously winter fare. A cute peach melba rounded outstanding value on the £7.30 investment. tasted a lot better. Brilliant setting for a a sherry trifle, which I, feeling full, passed making it a special night of the week. ly unimpressed indicating higher standards just on the right side of riotous, and was drunken exploits, so there were some enjoy- off a great meal. Rachel Cooper Mike Kielty formal, though. Calum Aikman on to Stephen Hawking. Jessica King Cassell Carter normally. Adam Edelshain enjoyed by all. Helen Fry able bits. Ben Reekes

Starter: 8/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 7/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 7/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 10/10 Starter: 3/10 Atmosphere: 3/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 9/10 Main: 9/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 4/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 5/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 8/10 Service: 8/10 Main: 6/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 8/10 Service: 9/10 Dessert: 6/10 Value: 9/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 2/10 Dessert: 3/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 6/10 Dessert: 9/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 9/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 4/10 Value: 3/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 9/10 Sidney 47/60 ST Edmund’s 40/60 Trinity 39/60 wolfson 35/60 Sidney hall is small enough to feel cosy The pre-formal drinks established a fun The first course, pâté and garnish, was The formal cost £15.10. Although this without feeling oppressive and, being fairly mood for the evening and later the rather successful in truth. Second course, included a glass of “champagne” on full, the atmosphere was lively the night I vibrant ambiance emanating from every fish pie was precarious at the bone-less of arrival, and some other complimentary attended formal. I was impressed by the table served as confirmation of this. times and the ice cream and chocolate alcohol, it still seemed overpriced, espe- printed menu cards, warm rolls and the Whilst the first and second course were sauce to finish was entertaining if unambi- cially as the food wasn't worth the extra selection of good wine on offer from the col- uninspiring, the apple crumble was out- tious. Despite the charming company and cost. The Kings and Wolfson Football lege. Service was fairly slow but unintru- standing and had everyone digging into the grandiose architecture, the food and teams were the only diners under the age sive and the food was nicely presented and the large, steaming bowls for more. The general dinginess were somewhat disap- of 50 but the service was very friendly. of good quality. Jo Trigg wine was superb. Sarah Wilkinson pointing. Monty Stagg Kirsty Dootson

Starter: 8/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 5/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 8/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 9/10 Atmosphere: 4/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 5/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 5/10 Service: 5/10 Main: 7/10 Service: 8/10 Dessert: 9/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 9/10 Value: 6/10 Dessert: 6/10 Value: 7/10 Dessert: 5/10 Value: 2/10 R E G N I

34/60 37/60 30/60 R Trinity Hall R

St Catz ST John’s E D L

So the food was crap – fishy soufflé and As one of the cheapest formals in The restrained classicism of the candlelit E A H

strange meat I didn't rate too highly – but Cambridge, John’s is certainly the college hall promised much, but sadly neither the C I the liberal attitude to pennying and the to visit if you're feeling skint. You get food nor the cauliflower-spilt-in-lap service M inclusion of a cheese course went some way what you pay for with reasonably basic, delivered on this. The combination of to making up for it. Catz hall is a nice set- slightly ropey fare, but the beautiful hall camembert fritters (no matter how tasty) ting for an evening meal, and though some and friendly waiter service make up for with over-peppered steak and greasy-spoon felt it a little extortionate at £7.50 a head, a this. Definitely worth a try. mushrooms, followed by ridiculously rich great night was had by all. George Grist Emma Inkester mocha pots, left us feeling more than a lit- tle bit queasy. Jane Reeback

Starter: 4/10 Atmosphere: 8/10 Starter: 6/10 Atmosphere: 6/10 Starter: 7/10 Atmosphere: 6/10 Main: 4/10 Service: 9/10 Main: 3/10 Service: 7/10 Main: 4/10 Service: 6/10 Dessert: 6/10 Value: 3/10 Dessert: 7/10 Value: 8/10 Dessert: 3/10 Value: 4/10

Catherine Hall offers an Varsity discusses the The Ranking extended review of Varsity’s success of the Clare Hall 1. Clare halL best formal in Cambridge: formal with bursar 2. King’s Clare Hall Joanna Womack 3. Pembroke From the complimentary drinks reception before din- What makes Clare Hall formal so special? 4. Selwyn ner to the free lift home, Clare Hall formal was an We only have one formal hall each week. We have no 5. Hughes Hall example of all things wonderfully Cantabrigian. We hierarchy so everyone eats together – emeritus and arrived at Clare Hall and were swiftly escorted to a honorary fellows, visitors, students, all enjoying good 6. Corpus Christi reception area with a wide range of newspapers for our food and good conversation. We use fresh ingredients 7. Jesus perusal, from Le Monde to The Times, before being and cook everything on the day. We have a very inter- 8. Sidney Sussex greeted by our hostess for the evening, Clare Hall bur- national community so the menus reflect our interest sar Joanna Womack. Complimentary drinks and intro- in food from different parts of the world. This week we 9. Downing ductions to a range of fellows and graduates followed, have an Italian meal for example. Two weeks ago we 10. Queen’s and we were treated to some pre-dinner chat including had German Week. Variety is the spice of life! a short history of the college, its projects and its ethos. 11. Robinson The sound of a musical gong (no common or garden How do you organise the Clare Hall kitchen? 12. Peterhouse banging of gongs here, this was a full on symphony!) There are just two chefs and the work is shared out. summoned us to dinner. They have worked together for many years with their 13. Fitzwilliam The formal hall was conducted in an intimate atmos- kitchen assistants so no time is wasted. There is a real 14. Christ’s phere, with approximately fifty diners at tables of ten team spirit. The Kitchen is open-plan and everyone people, lit by candlelight and without the stigma of a knows what to do without any argument or discussion. 15. Homerton top table. Graduates, fellows and guests were mixed to 16. New Hall provide varied and scintillating conversation, and din- How do you cope with the problem of serving ner topics included politics, fine art (Russia’s posses- high quality food to large numbers of people? 17. Darwin sion of Impressionist art featured prominently), opera, The kitchen is close to the dining hall. Quality control 18. St Edmunds exhibitions and galleries. is essential. We also rely on very good waitresses, who 19. Lucy Cavendish The food was delicious, with a selection of gourmet work well with the chefs. We know that timing is really breads, smoked salmon and cheese mousse for starter, important. 20. Trinity and guinea fowl with a selection of honey-glazed veg- 21. Magdalene etables for main. Service was swift and with a smile, How about maintaining food standards free wine flowed from carafes on the tables and the over time? 22. clare dessert of “Eton Mess” (meringue, cream and fruits), Two years ago Clare Hall outsourced its catering to 23. St John’s was followed by an impressively varied cheese course. Baxterstorey Limited, who also run the catering for Every effort was made to entertain us, from the Cambridge University Press and provide very high 24. Girton selection of fruit teas on offer to non-coffee drinkers, to quality food for many other professional and commer- 25. Emmanuel the generously stocked fruit baskets in the lounge we cial organisations. It helps to have the support of a retired to after the meal, to the introductions to inter- larger catering company, which has big purchasing 26. Wolfson esting people with anecdotes about Cambridge in the power and which is able to bring in extra staff for spe- 27. Gonville & Caius 1940s. A truly delightful evening, and we were even cial occasions. 28. St Catherine’s driven home. 29. Trinity hall 30. Newnham The Varsity ranking for Cambridge formals is worked out as the total of six scoring criteria. In the event of a tied total, we 31. Churchill favoured the formal hall given a higher score for the main course. If still tied, we then favoured atmosphere, then value. 20 varsity.co.uk/arts | 24.11.06 Reviews VIEW FROM King Lear #### THE GODS Pembroke New Cellars King Lear is, using Kent's words, “cheer- roars of Lear when, for example, he evokes Goneril and Regan were superb with their less, dark, and deadly” to any director. It is the elements in the storm scene. perfected curled lips and serpent-like impossibly hard to stage: how do you per- Nevertheless his portrayal of Lear was delivery. Also impressive was Jamie form a mental breakdown in a thunder Everest as the Fool, whose tireless energy Catherine Spencer storm or someone having their eyes kept the pace going. I had hoped that plucked out without descending into melo- » Some front seat Edmund would be more Richard III in his & Moya Sarner drama? Overall however, in the face of blatant and savage seduction, but never- these difficulties, director Alex Dawson audience members theless Alex Bluett provided a sound Out with the old, in with the new: in and his cast have done a good job. I admit were virtually splattered interpretation of the role which made a Cambridge terms it’s practically time that I have always imagined King Lear to good contrast to Ade O'Brien's Edgar. to be turning over a new leaf, but if be set in an huge and echoing hall so it with Gloucester's blood There are a lot of difficulties in staging a theatre is making any resolutions for was a shock to watch the play in such an play with such a huge cast in a small and 2007, it should keep in mind what intimate setting as the New Cellars. This intimate area. Unfortunately the acoustics will soon be last year’s news. The meant that the action was decidedly more strong and tireless. I felt he escalated too tend to swallow the noise rather than proj- ADC has treated us to what has been exciting close up, as swords came danger- quickly in the opening scenes of the play ect it, but despite this Alex Dawson and its greatest line up in a long time, ously close to your nose, and some front and some important lines were lost in his cast are to be commended for a pro- fully justifying its place at the centre seat audience members were virtually delivery, yet he gathered strength as the duction that is gripping, moving and most of operations, and proving that it isn’t splattered with Gloucester's blood. play progressed, climaxing in the final importantly (and literally) bloody fun. just a place to go get bladdered. Acoustically though, it did not help moments which were simply beautiful. Turns out it does really good drama Spencer Hughes deliver the animalistic Vivienne Storry and Stephanie Bain as Bel Trew to go with the G&Ts. A refined Shakespeare kicked things off, for once not tarting things up too much (although Spencer Hughes’ topless

fencing as Orsino has not passed Faust #### 6 unremarked) followed by a trio of 0 0

incredibly tight, well-acted produc- ADC 2

tions. Together Closer, Blasted and f The Alchemist have set a new bench- o mark for the creative standard of In the ADC/ Footlights pantomime, and Sharpe strike a carefully judged energy. I think it is safe to say that s

mainshows. Rumours abound that hell is a place where leather-clad balance between classic pantomime the vocal talents of the actors are m l Osh Jones’s Blasted was so effective, demons sing and dance, where tor- moments and more original comedy. good on the whole but this produc- i audience members passed out and ture is listening to gap-year stories James Gilder and Tom Sharpe’s tion’s strength lies in its chorus work. F vomited – that’s got to be pretty hard and where men are women – despite music keeps the action moving while Pantomime can easily be done 0 to top. Special praise to those shows their best efforts to prove otherwise. contributing to the panto atmosphere badly but Henry Eliot’s production is 1 with weighty reputations that demon- The audience is thrown into the pan- with eminently crafted and memo- so frivolous and energetic that you p o

strated there can be life in an old dog tomime spirit with the cringe-worthy rable scores, “Hell, Hello, Welcome to can’t help but laugh. Faust provides T

– Rob Icke’s Alchemist made believ- jokes coming thick and fast from the Hell” being a particular high point of the perfect antidote to life at e

able the scholarly trope that word go. The enthusiasm of the the show. All the elements of the pro- Cambridge whilst reminding you h Shakespeare’s contemporaries pre- entire cast is so infectious and palpa- duction: costume, set and sound, why you came here. t

ferred Jonson to him. This freshness ble that the audience soon finds itself work together to create a startling h even found its way into the ADC laughing and joining in. vision of hell and the chorus bring Elizabeth Davis g u

musical, with See What I Wanna See The script, written by Henry Eliot, this vision to life with their insatiable o taking rape, murder and incest as its Luke Roberts and Tom Sharpe, r S h E t

subject matter (“See What I Don’t wholeheartedly fulfils the require- D I N I s Wanna See”, as one audience member ments of a pantomime, with, as the T N A u

quipped.) From some serious drama, narrator says at one point, plenty of T S N on to some seriously funny comedy opportunity for “obeying simple s O C and then back to serious again. But instructions given by actors”. The e X k E still funny, the Grow Up kids really writing does also, however, provide L A a

gave us something to laugh about, witty and intelligent dialogue for the t

with well-written sketches brilliantly talented cast and this pantomime h t

performed against a backdrop of tech- thankfully resists the temptation to i nological mastery. Whilst not every sink to the lowest possible denomina- m

sketch of this term’s Smokers got a tor. S laugh, those by the Footlights com- Each actor clearly enjoys being on y

mittee were consistently first-rate. stage, none more so than Tom e l The real treat from Luke Roberts Williams, whose cloaked Satan i however was his first “straight play”, prowls around the stage as the epito- R y

1, 2, 3, 4, (5), featuring the most me of a panto villain. Although l shocking onstage moment this god Fongphu Tran’s Mrs Topeles steals l has seen in her life – and there’s been O

the show with her (or his) amazing :

a lot of rape around, so that’s saying gravity-defying costume, “Corny” e v

something. Particular praise goes to Cornelius (played by a wonderfully i t

Rory Mullarkey, who was both droll Alastair Roberts) supplies much i

endearing and repugnant in his of the more subtle humour in this n i

“straight acting” shoes – more of this production, with his character provid- f please – as he fed the tragicomic ing many of the laughs. Faust and his e d seeds sewn in the triumph that was friend Robin, played by Anna s ’

The American Dream at the play- O’Grady and Helen Cripps, provide a t room. Finally, to the king of tragicom- classic double act, which is compli- I edy, Beckett, whose banana-tastic mented by the play’s narrator – the Krapp’s Last Tape was a One Night Mouth of Hell (literally) who, oddly »

Stand nobody would regret. Could we, enough, has a strong resemblance to e

perhaps, in one term, have had it all Oscar the Grouch. n i

– genuinely excellent new writing, a There are too many well-expressed l

bit of experimentation, sublime farce jokes to list here, as Eliot, Roberts n

and extreme tragedy? O varsity.co.uk/arts | 24.11.06 21

Brit Art Prints # Cambridge Contemporary Arts TOP 10 ALBUMS 2006

Britart has come to Cambridge, in a show beast. The work that made the Britart- artists have used for centuries. In the late The Warning by of work by Hirst, Emin, Opie and the ists famous has never made them rich. As 19th century popular painters such as W. Hot Chip Chapman Brothers. But here you won’t recently as 2000, Saatchi paid less than P. Frith and Holman Hunt painted Utterly satisfying slice find any sheep in formaldahyde, unmade £150,000 for Emin’s My Bed; not a for- images specifically to be engraved for a 1 of disco and funk from beds, or defaced Goyas. This is a selling tune for one of the most important instal- mass market, and dealers paid more for 1 these ex-Cambridge exhibition of prints and photographs by lations of the last decade. Even the small- their reproduction rights than for the students some of Britain’s most famous living est work on show in Cambridge is going original paintings. Yet individually these artists and they are quite clearly cashing to make considerably more. £1,200 for Victorian prints were inexpensive where- in on that notoriety. None of the artists Emin’s etching of an owl might not sound as contemporary prints have a commer- Ys by shown are well-known as printmakers. like much, but it is from an edition of cial value similar to the original art work. Joanna Newsom Only Julian Opie’s cartoonish figures are three hundred copies and therefore This is in part due to the “celebrity” pro- Lush and epic master- instantly recognizable in their flat colour stands to make a total of £360,000; not a file of contemporary artists; it is no sur- piece nabbing five bad earner, particularly when you take prise that photographs by Mario Testino 22 star reviews in Varsity into account an unknown number of addi- are included in the show. Similarly, last and everywhere else » Fifteen years ago it tional artist’s proofs. This might seem like year, Hirst topped ArtReview magazine’s would have seemed a new phenomenon, but it is a trick list of the one hundred most powerful people in the art world. One effect is that Modern Times by unthinkable that Hirst the artist’s signature on an image, any Bob Dylan image, transforms its value. That a given His hat trick of excel- and Emin would picture is “authored” by Hirst becomes its lent albums has primary characteristic, before and beyond 33 almost made us for- exhibit in a provincial give the 80s travesties any of its visual qualities. commercial gallery The commercial value of the Britart prints also depends upon shifting notions and clear line as screen-prints. None of of reproduction itself. The Marxist critic Sample Bitch Story the other artists explore the possibilities Walter Benjamin argued that the ability by Doddodo of etching as a medium – the prints either to accurately reproduce the appearance Cute cut up mayhem, reproduce the artists’ drawing style or of paintings in photographs made repro- whatever that means, function as crude analogues to their duced images ubiquitous, permanently 44 from the Adadaat label paintings. Most of the prints make explic- altering the relationship between the it reference to common tropes in the viewer and the original artwork. For familiar work of each artist with Damien example, the primary meaning of the Hirst, for example, reviving his early Mona Lisa is in it being the original to Fur and Gold by experiments in brightly-coloured “dot” which postcards, fridge-magnets and t- Bat for Lashes and “spin” paintings. shirts refer. What is rarely commented Tim Burton-flavoured Fifteen years ago it would have seemed upon is the flip-side of this process; that pop in this year’s most unthinkable that Hirst and Emin would the proliferation of photographic duplica- 55 exciting debut one day exhibit prints in a provincial tion of artworks prompted a reassess- commercial gallery. In the early days of ment of earlier modes of reproduction, Britart when artists concentrated on pro- such as etching and engraving. Here the ducing installations in a variety of unusu- presence of an interpretative and artistic I Am Not Afraid of al media, it wasn’t clear how dealers hand adds a value above the mere You and Will Beat could make the works financially viable. mechanical facsimile. The Britart prints Your Ass by In practice Charles Saatchi often func- are dishonest. They aren’t reproductions Yo la Tengo tioned as a one-man market. He is now of oil paintings, they are derivative 66 A band incapable of reaping the rewards. Hirst’s famous shark designs enabling bogus assumptions of producing a bad album was sold by Saatchi last year for £7 mil- authenticity and uniqueness to adhere to lion, but in 1991 Saatchi paid the artist what are in fact mass-produced products. just £50,000 for it –a steal when you con- Cansei der Ser Sexy sider the £6,000 Hirst spent buying the Richard Foster by CSS Arty Brazilians who sing about Paris 77 Hilton. We’re not tired of being sexy Starter For Ten ### Dir: Tony Vaughan The Eraser by Thom Yorke Electronica plus beauti- This point in term, when we all want to tion test that he falls for Alice, who is all bled streets in the pouring rain to deliver ful melodies in this go home, is a good time to see Starter for blonde hair, black leggings and “drama, a proclamation of love is perhaps pushing 88 tense solo effort Ten, the film adaptation of David darling”. Predictably, the course of true it too far. Starter for Ten does fall into the Nicholls’ bestseller. The great success of (student) love never did run smooth, and trap of many films which revolve around this film is that it makes you fall back in the lives of students, in that everyone love with university; the freedom, the looks about ten years too old and way too Ballad of the people, and yes, dare I say it, even the » Everyone looks beautiful (think Dawson’s Creek), Broken Seas by intellectual challenges of your degree. Set about ten years too old although the scenes showing Brian care- Isobel Campbell and in the mid 1980s, it follows the gauche, fully arranging film posters in his room Mark Lanegan slightly incoherent, socially inept Brian and way too beautiful and day-dreaming in a tutorial will seem 99 A bizarre pairing but a as he heads off to Bristol University, all too familiar to some. This film isn’t what a beautiful result armed with a bookcase full of pretentious his pursuit of Alice is littered with some going to win any awards for originality, literature he’s never read, a fetching cord horrendously cringe-worthy moments, as but it reminds all students that these jacket and a love of general knowledge. is his appearance on University might just be the best days of our lives, Whatever People It is this love of trivia, and the wishes Challenge. The script is, for the most and we should make the most of them – Say I Am... by of his now dead father, that motivates part, funny and realistic, and the occa- just don’t audition for University Arctic Monkeys Brian to audition for the University sional lapses into rom-com cliché are for- Challenge. Mercury Prize win- Challenge team and it is during the audi- givable, although the race through cob- Rachel Boston 1010 ners; whatever people say... Careers Service events

Vacation work and internships are really useful ways to understand organisations and jobs before making a career choice. This is your chance to meet a variety of organisations offering just those opportunities. Internships Event Friday 1 December 2006 1.00pm - 6.00pm

ABN AMRO i Baillie Gifford i Bank of America Barclays Capital i BlackRock i Bloomberg i BNP Paribas i BP Boston Consulting Group i Cancer Research UK i Centrica Citigroup i Civil Service Fast Stream (Outreach Programme) Data Connection i Deloitte i Detica i Deutsche Bank Dresdner Kleinwort i Eiger Capital i Electronic Arts Employment Opportunities for people with Disabilities EMB Consultancy i Ernst & Young i Financial Services Authority Goldman Sachs International i IBM UK i ICAP i JPMorgan KPMG i Lehman Brothers i Marakon Associates Merrill Lynch i Morgan Stanley Motability Operations i OC&C Strategy Consultants PricewaterhouseCoopers i Procter & Gamble QUALCOMM incorporated Rolls-Royce i RBS, Global Banking & Markets Skadden Arps Slate Meagher & Flom i Tangozebra Travers Smith i UBS i Watson Wyatt Worldwide

UNIVERSITY CENTRE, GRANTA PLACE, MILL LANE

Check our website, the Careers Service Guide, and Diary for full details of all our events, employers, careers, and many ideas from the conventional to the unconventional. www.careers.cam.ac.uk C l i f f o r d C h a n

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24 varsity.co.uk/listings | 24.11.06 Listings FILM THEATRE MUSIC EXHIBITIONS GOING OUT K

E Fear & Loathing in Las Nina Nastasia Open Exhibition Vegas Sunday 26 Nov Kettle’s Yard E Arts Picturehouse Junction Shed, 19.00, £10 Sat 25 Nov - 7 Jan 2007 Fri 24 - Sat 25 Nov, 23.15 Nina Nastasia’s 2006 album The Kettle’s Yard Open

W Terry Gilliam’s chaotic adapta- On Leaving is somewhat of a exhibition is back, displaying tion of Hunter S. Thompson’s departure from her previous the work of nineteen exciting

E novel features an oustanding albums 2002’s The Blackened emerging artists working in the cock-rock and punk soundtrack; Air and 2003’s stunning Run East of England, with work

H Hendrix,the Stones and er, Tom to Ruin. Eschewing the rich ranging from painting and

T Jones, and a hugely entertain- and varied arrangements of photography to film, sound and ing performance by Johnny its gothically charming installation. Works from the The Christmas Soul Treat

F Depp as a drug-addled journal- predecessors, her latest exhibition will be available for Soul Tree, 20.00-02.30, £5 ist heading to Las Vegas with takes a more intimate and sale, though no doubt you won’t Wednesday 29 Nov

O his unhinged Samoan lawyer Troy: The Musical stripped back approach. You be able to afford them because The last TeNTs event had the at- Dr. Gonzo (Benicio del Toro). A Gonville and Caius, Bateman can almost hear the sobs. In you spent your whole loan on mosphere of a funeral, despite hav- hilarious, free-flowing drug trip Auditorium Thu 30 - Sat 2 any case, she’ll be playing a boozin’ and you’re gonna go out ing great bands and great DJ sets. K that will make you want to in- Nov, 19.30. Its for charity so mixture of old an new with your mates and yeahhhh. This one will be BRILLIANT. Featuring Ladyfuzz, The Chap, C ject gak straight into your eye. shut up, alright? ALL profits material, this will be perfect Just remember Kettle’s Yard I to the Hand-in-Hand for the intimacy of the tiny when you’re puking on The Resistance, Her Daddy Is a All films showing at Arts Picturehouse Guru and Shut Up and Dance!

P children’s charity in Ghana. Junction Shed. someone’s face. unless stated otherwise DJs. Treat yourself. Future Shorts 23.00 Bald Prima Donna 19.00, Corpus Playrm Jazz at John’s CU Palestine Film – An Evening Shut up and Dance, Spun (John’s) 21.00 King Lear 19.30, Pembroke New Cellars Fisher Hall, 1.00 -00.00, £5 On The Separation Wall Union, 21.00 - 01.00 £3 Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Diary of Anne Frank 19.30, Homerton A Doll’s House 19.30 Emma Point Seven Pistol + The Chetwynd Room, King’s Dillinga Clare, 21.00-12.45 FRI Man 19.00, 21.10 Antigone 19.30, Robinson Hope College, 20.00, a powerful Jazz at John’s Black Shab- Fear and Loathing in Las Prometheus Bound 21.00, Forum, Jesus The Loft, 20.00, £4 documentary bat, Fisher Building, 21.00- Vegas 23.15 Something re: Life & Music 23.00, ADC See www.theironwall.ps 00.00, £5 Pan’s Labyrinth 20.15, 22.45 Sudan Programme: All Bald Prima Donna 19.00, Corpus Playrm Windout + The Rubicons Stella Dina’s Compendio: A Beatwax ARU Academy, 24 King Lear 19.30, Pembroke New Cellars The Loft, 20.00, £4 tribute to Federico Garcia About Darfur 15.00 21.00 - 02.30 £3 Diary of Anne Frank 19.30, Homerton The Prestige 18.10 A Doll’s House 19.30 Emma Fay Hallam Trinity + Lorca The End is Nigh. Kambar, SAT Pan’s Labyrinth 20.15, 22.45 Antigone 19.30, Robinson Fuzzface Free, 4 Nov - 3 Dec. Exhibition 22.00 - 03.30 £3 Breathless 23.00 Prometheus Bound 21.00, Forum, Jesus Man on the Moon, 20.00, £4 at New Hall. And the posters Horizontal Life & DJ Axel- Fear and Loathing 23.15 Something re: Life & Music 23.00, ADC look a bit electroclash tree King’s, 21.30-00.45, £2

Unseen India & Indian DAY OF WORSHIP... Nina Nastasia West African Programme Sunday Service Xmas 25 Video Art: 13.00 or you could have a wank and cry. The Junction Shed, 19.00, £10 Arts Picturehouse, 15.00 Party Club 22, 21.00-02.00, £4 The Prestige 18.00, 20.45 It’ll be like 9 Songs without the Minus the Bear Figures on Fabric Fitz Mu- iMac to be given away. Worth SUN Breakfast at Tiffany’s (John’s) controversy. Soul Tree, 19.00, £5 seum. Exhibition of beautifully it? No. 19.00, 22.00 Nice little riffs so you can bob a done English 17th C needle- Songs in the Dark Clown’s Being John Malkovich little bit. but not too much.indie work. Take that real world Cafe, 20.00 (Christ’s) 20.00, 22.30 Candy 21.20 Faust Primal Scream CU Biological Society Talk Fat Poppadaddys 26 Leonard Cohen: I’m Your 19.45, ADC/Footlights Panto The Corn Exchange, 19.30, £20 Pharmacology Lecture Fez, 21.00 - 02.00, £4 Man 21.00 This will be considerably better than I would rather pay someone Theatre, Tennis Court Road Pleasingly generic, like a fair your college pantomime, and less likely ON Pan’s Labyrinth 18.45, 21.15 £20 to punch me in the face 20.00, £1. Sir Alan Ferscht trade sweetcorn pasty sold by a M London to Brighton (with to resort to borderline homophobic talks about disease. Accidental liberal innuendoes and cameo roles from your Director Q&A) 18.30 financial officer narcolepsy

Bombon-El Perro 13.30 Side by Side by Sondheim 19.00, The Junction Fiver Literary Circles: Artist, au- Rainbow Stylin’ 27 Candy 21.20 Corpus Playroom The Junction, 19.00, £5 thor, word and image in Soul Tree, 22.00-02.00, £3 Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Unperformable 19.30, Judith E. Open Mic Night Britain 1800-1920 House/RnB/Indie/Alternative Man 18.50 Wilson Drama Studio The Boathouse, 20.00, £3 Fitzwilliam Museum. Look at Kinki Xmas Party TUE Faust 19.45, ADC Mystery Train 21.15 What’s The Story Morning Glory? the phrase was “artists free” - pictures of authors n’ shit. Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £3. Have The Prestige 16.30 23.00, ADC interpret as you like THIS IS LIFE a heinous xmas, from Ballare

Candy 21.20 Side by Side by Sondheim 19.00, The Christmas Soul Treat Improvised Comedy Ents Rumboogie 28 Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Corpus Playroom Soul Tree, 20.00-02.30, £5 present Christmas TV Ballare, 21.00-02.00, £3 Man 18.50, 21.00 Faust 19.45, ADC Real boys don’t go to this, they ADC, 23.00, £3 NOT the Foot- Pretty much indefensible Iolanthe 20.00, Robinson College ED Pan’s Labyrinth 18.45, 21.15 got to Ballare and fight while lights Panto (less hegemonic) Deeperbreed W Auditorium blends Christmas TV memories The Prestige 16.45 Improvised Comedy Ents present Steps’ 5...6...7...8 reeks in the Kambar, 21.30-03.00, £2 Xmas TV 23.00, ADC background with comic sketches Glowsticks and psytrance

Candy 21.30 Side by Side by Sondheim 19.00, Saw Doctors Unwarranted Aggression, Urbanite 29 Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Corpus Playroom The Junction, 19.00, £19.50 lurking, everywhere. None of is killing Cambridge. Still Man 18.50, 21.00 Faust 19.45, ADC AC Mars + Comic Book you go to any of these events do Soultree, 21.00-02.30, £3 Iolanthe 20.00, Robinson College HU Head-On 17.00 Heroes you, you little plebeian shits. it End of Term Party T Pan’s Labyrinth 18.45, 21.15 Auditorium Improvised Comedy Ents present Portland Arms, 20.00, £4 will come back and bite you in Fez, 22.00-02.30, £2 The Prestige 19.00 30 Xmas TV 23.00, ADC the ass. THE ASS Drink yourself into next year The Features Quiz answers 5. c) Copper 5. b) Potato Dumpling The Arts Quiz answers The Visual Arts Quiz 8. a) Rome 6. c) Effects of light on Chemicals 6. a) The Aztecs 1. Simon Starling, Turner Prize winner 9. b) Scientology The News Quiz 7. a) 14 7. c) Ray Croc The Theatre Quiz 2. Jasper Johns, for his painting “False All answers are b) 8. a) Vitamin B5 8. b) Curry Lord 1. 40 (37 plays plus two poems and the Start” The Literature Quiz 9. c) 2 metres 9. a) Eyes Sonnets) 3. Nick Flynn for breaking valuable 1. a) Zadie Smith The Ethical Quiz 10. c) Saturn 10 c) Bull’s testicles 2. Dirty Dancing vases in the Fitz 2. c) Atonement by Ian McEwan 1. c) “I thank God every day for the in- 3.Daniel Radcliffe 4. The Queen, in her portrait by Rolf 3. b) With a short story in Varsity vention of dictatorship.” The Fashion Quiz 4. The Waves Harris 4. b) Edmund Spenser 2. a) Their mothers 1. c) Britney Spears 5. The White Stripes 5. The Tate trustees, for buying the 5. a) Victoria Beckham 3. a), b) and c). All three are correct 2. c) Hermes 6.Samuel Beckett work of fellow trustee Chris Ofili, fa- 6. b) Kiran Desai 4. b) Methane 3. b) needle 7. Subtle and Face in The Alchemist mous for his series of paintings using 7. c) Hard to say really... 5. a) Aluminium 4. b) Linda Evangelista 8. Peter Morgan elephant dung. 6. c) Chicken, pig and human excrement 5. c) 90 Picture Round 7. b) Don’t use a catcher when mowing 6. a) The Chelsea The Classical Quiz Music 1. The Devil Wears Prada and allow the clippings to scatter over 7. c) Naomi Campbell 1. Anton Rubenstein 1. a) Chinese Democracy 2. Little Miss Sunshine the lawn 8. c) Suzy Menkes 2. Elsie 2. b) Clothes Boutique 3. Marie Antoinette 8. c) Black 3. J.S.Bach himself 3. b) My Chemical Romance 4. The Departed The Science Quiz The Food & Drink Quiz 4. With a bow, it is in fact a string in- 4. a) Stories from the City, Stories 5. The Da Vinci Code 1. b) Martin Rees 1. c) Basingstoke Blue strument from the Sea, P J Harvey 2. c) Ostrich 2. a) Maceration 5 George Antheil 5. c) Carl Barat 3. b) Cornea 3. b) A cocktail 6. a) Bjork 4. a) Mercalli Scale 4. b) Finestra 7. a) Renate Blauel

Do you have Cambridge’s highest student IQ? »take the test with Varsity in association with Mensa UK Places are limited Friday 1st To register contact Dec, 2-4pm [email protected] Lady Mitchell Hall

The top 20 IQ scores will0 be listed as part1 of0 the Varsity 100 in Lent term

varsity.co.uk/fashion | 17.11.06 27

Fashion editors: Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock Fashion Email: [email protected] e n o T

In the lead-up to Christmas, there’s

- no reason to be an uncut diamond. As the nights close in earlier, you can afford to be more dramatic with your make-up. Ditch mute tones and look to sapphires, rubies and emeralds l for your inspiration with gold and silver accents, letting your frosty make-up mirror the icy temperatures.

These looks needn’t cost as much as the jewels they emulate. Buy just

e one rich eyeshadow and DO NOT use sparingly. Lashings of mascara add drama whatever the colour, we used Max Factor’s Masterpiece mascara, £8.99. Keep skin neutral but glowing with Body Shop’s Vitamin E Illuminating Moisture Cream, £7.50, or alternatively highlight your cheek and brow bones with a touch of Vaseline, Lip Therapy for 99p. w Tor wears “Diamond” using Bourjois Effet Lumiere Eyeshadow Trio in “Les Argents”, £6.50.

Hannah wears “Emerald” using MAC eyeshadow in “Sprout”, £10, and Body Shop Eye Shimmer in “Gold”, e £8.

Edleen wears “Sapphire” using MAC eyeshadow in “Freshwater”, £10.

Styled by Saskia Payne and Carol Peacock J

Careers Service events

Thinking of becoming a Solicitor? The legal profession is open to graduates in all subjects. Solicitors’ Event Thursday 30 November 2006 1.00pm - 5.00pm

Addleshaw Goddard i Allen & Overy i Ashurst Baker & McKenzie i Barlow Lyde & Gilbert i Berwin Leighton Paisner Bircham Dyson Bell i Bird & Bird i Burges Salmon City Universityi Cleary, Gottlieb, Steen & Hamilton i Clifford Chance i Clyde & Co CMS Cameron McKenna i College of Law i Covington & Burling Dawsons Solicitors i Dechert i Denton Wilde Sapte i Dickinson Dees DLA Piper i Eversheds i Farrer & Co Field Fisher Waterhouse i Freshfields Bruckhaus Deringer Government Legal Service Hammonds i Herbert Smith i Holman Fenwick & Willan Jones Day i Kirkpatrick & Lockhart Nicholson Graham Latham & Watkinsi Lawrence Graham i LeBoeuf, Lamb, Greene & MacRae Linklaters i Lovells Macfarlanes i Mayer, Brown, Rowe & Maw i McGrigors i Mills & Reeve Nabarro Nathanson i NatWest Group i Norton Rose Olswang i Osborne Clarke i Oxford Institute of Legal Practice Penningtons Solicitors i Pinsent Masons Reed Smith i Reynolds Porter Chamberlain Shearman & Sterling i Simmons & Simmons i SJ Berwin Skadden Arps Slate Meagher & Flom i Slaughter and May Stephenson Harwood i Taylor Wessing i Toynbee Hall i Travers Smith Trowers & Hamlins i Watson Farley & Williams i Weil, Gotshal & Manges White & Case i Withers i Wragge & Co

UNIVERSITY CENTRE, GRANTA PLACE, MILL LANE

Check our website, the Careers Service Guide, and Diary for full details of all our events, employers, careers, and many ideas from the conventional to the unconventional. www.careers.cam.ac.uk Teach First’s graduate programme is a unique opportunity to be different and to make a difference. It’s an innovative combination of teaching with management skills training and leadership development, plus unparalleled internship, networking and coaching opportunities. Whatever you aim to do with your career, Teach First.

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Make a Difference visit the all-new Join a stimulating varsity.co.uk home-based plan for our 12 year old mildly autistic daughter, based on the son-rise programme. We would like to ask you to work 3-4 hours a week (for six months). No experience needed, full training given. £5 an hour. Make the call. Tel: 01223 248 622

varsity.co.uk/sport | 24.11.06 33

Tel: 01223 353 422 Sportsdesk Email: [email protected]

The Footballers in the dark Varsity »Cambridge in lead when game plunged into farce by the failing light Vase t’s a bit disappointing really. PADDY CROFT After this setback, Cambridge Division 6 has two promotion seemed to lose their concentration Iplaces and I just can’t see and patience. Mike Dankis produced Homerton II and Robinson II Cambridge 3 some driving runs from midfield but relinquishing their spots at the top. time after time a quality final ball was Homerton II are clear leaders, Wolverhampton 2 lacking. Dave Mills, in particular, smiling down on the others, proba- would have been frustrated at the bly looking smug having won four Having failed so far to win consecutive sloppy nature of his passing. But the out of four. Robinson haven’t played games in the BUSA league, the Blues Blues received a lifeline when, with any more games, but if they had, were keen to inject some momentum darkness approaching, they would have probably won. into their season. They were forced to Wolverhampton had their central CCCC are the only other team wait, however, as a problem with the defender sent off for foul and abusive that could challenge for the title. referee delayed the start of the game language, and Cambridge found their They’ve only played twice but fin- by almost an hour. Despite leading 3- feet again. ished above both Homerton and 2, they remain unsure of whether they The Blues showed great energy Robinson last year. Yet they seem to will take the points, as the final whis- and fitness, sending men forward and be struggling to organise all their tle had to be blown several minutes swamping the opposition’s box. games; a major problem for a team early. Eventually their reward came, the pushing for the top. Despite going behind in the first extra man counting in a goal-mouth I’d like to say Jesus have a chance minute the Blues came back strongly, scramble, as Captain Alex Coleman and I’ll be praying for them but, showing exceptional team spirit in dif- bundled the ball in from close range. after two draws and with matches ficult, wet conditions, to snatch what Chances were created to finish the against Homerton and CCCC to should be a victory late on. match off but Gethin came closest, come, I just don’t think they’ll have Only 10 minutes after failing to nearly securing his hat-trick with a the fitness. defend a bread-and-butter attack just shot that flew just over the crossbar. No other team stands a chance at after kick off, the Blues drew level The end of the match was as gloomy all. Downing look doomed for rele- through Matty Gethin, replacing the The Blues, playing in yellow, were foiled by the dark SOPHIE PICKFORD as the near dark surroundings when gation having lost three out of three, injured Brendan Threlfall. Making a the players walked off the pitch, but while rumour has it that Sidney II stake for a more permanent place, good dribbling and passing skills on the opposition players more space there were many positives to take are in such a state, they are refusing Gethin showed his deadly finishing the right wing, and came closest to around the box. From one such situa- from this performance. A somewhat to play games. skills in the box for a second time only extending the lead with a header that tion Wolverhampton’s pacy striker questionable refereeing performance That’s all for now. The first round five minutes later, finishing off a crashed off the bar. Unable to extend ran clear and was taken down by goal- was dealt with professional discipline of the Varsity Vase is this weekend, clever move to send the Blues 2-1 up. their lead, Cambridge went into half- keeper James Dean – a penalty was by the players. The team also showed so support your college’s Third team Cambridge then enjoyed a period of time looking the better side. awarded, despite strong protest from that they could overcome the ele- this weekend. It may not be pretty, real dominance, though head coach But after the break the Blues Cambridge. But this did not unsettle ments and, despite not playing excep- and one team may only have 9 men, Alex Mugan will be disappointed that allowed Wolverhampton back into the the penalty-taker, who coolly dis- tional football in the second half, man- but there is no shortage of passion the side was unable to finish off the match. The defence that had been so patched the spot-kick into the roof of aged to secure a tight but richly- and always plenty of goals. game. Nick Pantelides was showng solid and decisive suddenly allowed the net. deserved win.

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PARIS aged to make it to the final table Istabraq, son of the leg- our stake. and picked up a handy £50 for endary Sadler's Wells, was Running total: -£44.50 PRINCETON growth coming third, not bad for a cou- called by some the “greatest PUNE ple of hours work! Everyone hurdler of modern times”. He started with 1000 chips and was painstakingly close to The Bank Job SAN FRANCISCO with blinds at 25/25 going up recording an astonishing four Fulham vs Reading. every half an hour, plenty of Reading win. TOKYO straight Cheltenham Hurdles play was possible without what Stake: £10 We are currently recruiting Business Analysts victories but pulled out of the TORONTO for all our European offices. we like to call a “lottery stage”. last race early on due to muscle This is when the blinds (com- pains. The Long Shot Please apply online by 3 January 2007. pulsory bets) are so large, one The Long Shot this week is at Hennessey Gold Cup must go “all-in”, allowing luck the Hennessey Gold Cup at Distant Thunder to win. to determine the outcome. We Newbury where we take Stake: £3 hope to go again in the future. Distant Thunder to win at huge This week we’d like to share odds of 12-1. This horse loves The Porters’ Tip with you some history behind Newbury and has one win and England vs South Africa. the greatest horses to have one second from three runs. It England at half and full A GLOBAL LEADER IN graced racing. They were is also very well handicapped on time. APPLY ONLINE SALES & MARKETING idolised by millions and Saturday. £3 to win could yield a Stake: £3 WWW.ZSASSOCIATES.COM CONSULTING achieved some of the most spec- massive profit. tacular results of all time. For the Bank Job we are

34 varsity.co.uk/sport | 24.11.06 CAPTAIN’S CORNER Our boys in l Peter Archer Left Wing, Right Wing Jonathan Murray Born:11/05/ 1985 Height: 162cm Left Wing Weight: 62kg Andrew Wheble Born:21/01/1984 Peter reads Height: 186cm English at Flanker, Number 8 Weight: 85kg Trinity Born:15.02.1987 John reads JOHN BLAIKIE Height: 185cm Chemical Weight: 99kg Engineering Andrew reads Ryan Harper With only 18 days to go until Engineering at Flanker the big match, there is a Trinity mixture of tension and Mike Harfoot Born:27/07/ 1987 excitement within the Lock Height:186cm squad. After ten weeks of Weight: 100kg intensive training and a host Tom Malaney Born: 25/08/ 1978 Ryan reads of top quality games it all Height: 195cm Engineering at Flanker Weight: 89.53kg Corpus Christi comes down to this one Born:18/01/ 1984 Mike reads match. Height: 180cm Chemistry at St In an era when profes- Weight: 90kg Catherine’s sionalism is hurting grass Tom reads Land Ed Andrews roots rugby, the Lehman Economy at St. Flanker, Number 8 Brothers Varsity Match Edmund’s remains one of the shining Didi Akinluyi Born:18/01/1985 lights in the amateur game. Flanker, Lock Height: 189cm Watched by more than Weight: 100kg Rhys Evans Born:17/10/ 1986 Ed reads 40,000 spectators, the Height: 185cm History at St. atmosphere is unique among Scrum Half Weight: 95kg John’s sporting events. Form and Born:02/ 04/ 1984 Didi reads previous results mean noth- Height: 173cm Engineering at ing. If you win the match, Weight: 82kg Christ’s your season has been suc- Rhys reads Real Ashwin Reddy cessful; if you lose, you look Estate Finances at Loosehead Prop forward to next year. It is Hughes Hall Alex Thompson Born12/02/ 1985 that simple. Height: 175cm Next Saturday we play Scrum Half Weight: 96kg Loughborough, with the Steffan Thomas Born:13/07/ 1985 Ashwin reads Varsity team being picked Height: 184cm Medicine at that night. The next day will Inside Centre Weight: 85kg Trinity easily be the most difficult of Height: 183cm Alex is studying my captaincy – having to Weight: 102kg Zoology at Girton inform players of their selec- Steffan reads tion, or non-selection in most Engineering at Rory Holmes cases. Friendships and loyal- Trinity Scrum Half ties have to be put aside in Johnny Ufton Born:02/02/ 1985 order to select the “Best Height: 186cm Fifteen” players for the Fullback Weight: 87kg match. Having experienced Tom Woolsey Born:31/01/ 1974 Rory reads that nervous wait for the Hooker Height: 185cm French & Spanish knock on the door myself, I Weight: 86kg at St. John’s know it will be a day of con- Born:18/09/1986 Johnny reads trasting emotions. For Height: 184cm Geography at St some, dreams will be shat- Weight: 105kg Edmund’s Anthony Fitzpatrick Tom reads Land tered, for those 15 players Economy at Loosehead Prop selected it will be the begin- Queens’ ning of a special 10 days, Richard Bartholomew Born:25/06/ 1979 that will conclude by step- Flanker, Number 8 Height: 180cm ping into the cauldron at Weight: 110kg Twickenham. John Blaikie Born:09/07/ 1985 Anthony reads Relatively few have expe- Lock Height: 185cm Biophysics at rienced a build-up to a Weight:100kg Caius match such as the intense Born:28/12/1973 Richard reads Height: 195cm Engineering at and emotional journey that Weight: 110kg Jesus ends on the 12th. You are John reads Jonny Thompson acutely aware of who and Economics at Wing, Centre what has gone before you, Hughes Hall and who you represent. So David Akinluyi Born:18/10/ 1986 many questions are asked of Right Wing Height: 177cm oneself that the game can Weight: 80kg easily be lost before a foot is Scott Annett Born:10/02/ 1984 Jonny reads set on the pitch. Having Height: 185cm Engineering Flanker, Lock Weight: 99kg at Christ’s experienced the joy of victo- Born:04/08/1985 David reads ry last year I can only imag- Height: 191cm Engineering at ine what it must feel like to Weight: 105.5kg Christ’s lose. Scott reads Finally, I would like to English at Clare PHOTOS: SOPHIE PICKFORD thank all those who have come to watch the Blues this season. I know all the play- ers really appreciate having such vocal and supportive crowds. We hope that you all The season so far... are planning on making the trip down to “Twickers” on the 12th and look forward to your continued support. varsity.co.uk/sport | 24.11.06 35 CTD. FROM BACK

to say that Cambridge have had the better of the top class opposition in terms of results. The Dark Blues n light blue were hammered by Wasps A 54-0, whereas the Light Blues put up a much stronger fight only going Nathan Johnson down 29-13. However, the club sides often put out dra- Flanker, Number 8 matically different “A” Born:02/04/ 1982 James Whittington teams from match to match. Height: 185cm Loosehead & Tighthead Prop The scrum will be a key area Weight: 100kg for both teams. The Dark Nathan reads Real Born:31/01/ 1985 Jon Dawson Blues will probably be field- Estate Finances Height: 177cm ing four players already at Pembroke Weight: 111kg Tighthead Prop holding full Blues, three of James reads Born:12/04/ 1980 whom will be in the pack. Management Height: 180cm Cambridge will most likely Studies Weight: 118kg field an impressive seven Chris Lewis Jon reads Blues, four of whom will be Geography at playing in the tight. In addi- Inside Centre St.Edmund’s tion, Cambridge will likely Born:21/03/1987 Hamish Murray be the heavier pack weigh- Height: 190cm ing in at 859kg, with an aver- Weight: 97kg Scrum Half age weight of 107.4kg per Chris reads Born:25/04/ 1982 Oli Buxton player, compared to 855kg History at Height: 179cm and 106.8kg respectively for St.Catherine’s Weight: 85kg Centre,Wing, Fullback the Dark Blues. This should Hamish reads Born: 13/12/ 1984 give Cambridge the edge in Economics at St. Height: 191cm the tight. The Cambridge Edmund’s Weight: 87kg starting front row is particu- David Tibbott Oli reads larly strong and should give Engineering at the comparatively light- Centre St. John’s weight Dark Blue front row Born:15/10/ 1981 Nick Jones an uncomfortable time in the Height: 187cm set pieces. A potential Weight: 110kg Fly-Half worry for the Light Blues is David reads Born:26/03/ 1986 Llewellyn Pilbeam the relative strength of the Planning at Height: 178cm second string front row. An Sidney Weight: 71kg Lock injury to any of the front Nick reads Chemical Born:02/11/1985 three early on in the game Engineering at Height: 200cm could prove influential. Girton Weight: 110kg Key players for the Light Pat Crossley Llewellyn reads Blues start with the Captain Natural Sciences John Blaikie. On the pitch, Hooker at Trinity Blaikie commands a Martin Born:25/09/ 1986 Dave O’Brien Johnson-type presence for Height: 180cm the Blues. He’s fierce in the Weight: 105kg Flanker tight and happy doing the Pat reads Born:15/11/ 1983 Andy Davidson hard, unglamorous work Geography at Height: 185cm that lays the foundation for Homerton Weight: 95kg Fullback victory. A Cambridge win Dave reads Real Born:09/05/ 1985 starts and finishes with his Estate Finances at Height: 180cm leadership. In the fly half Hughes Hall Weight: 81kg berth, Johnny Ufton will Joseph Clark Andy reads have to be firing on all cylin- Loosehead Prop, Hooker Philosophy at ders to ignite the potential in Robinson his backline. Last years Born:09/10/ 1983 Joe Ansbro “Man of the Match”, will Height: 185cm Outside Centre have to reproduce the form Weight: 111kg that saw him kick 14 of the Joseph reads SPS Born: 29/10/ 1985 Chris Gee 19 points that sealed victory at St. Height: 182cm Wing, Centre over Harlequins A two Edmund’s Weight: 85kg weeks ago. There will be Joe reads Natural Born:28/08/ 1985 great pressure on him from a Sciences at Height: 180cm light and mobile Dark Blue Robinson Weight: 85kg back row and his pack, and JJ Waters Chris reads probable half back partner Hooker Chemistry at Ross Blake, will have to Trinity Hall ensure he gets the best Born:02/03/ 1985 James Taylor delivery, and time he needs, Height: 179cm Flanker to control the game. Weight: 95kg There has been much specu- JJ reads Natural Born: 23/03/ 1985 Trevor Boynton lation over the presence of Sciences at Clare Height: 182cm Lock Joe Roff, the Aussie Weight: 93kg International and World Cup James reads Born:03/09/ 1977 winner, in the thirteen shirt Medicene Science Height: 194cm for the Dark Blues. He will at St. John’s Weight: 115kg no doubt be a key player in Tom Martin Trevor reads their back line. It will be Economics at interesting to see which of Hooker Hughes Hall the two outside centres Born:10/06/ 1984 Richard Schwikkard everyone is talking about Height: 175cm after the game. Cambridge’s Weight: 100kg Loosehead & Tighthead Prop Joe Ansbro has had a Tom reads Oriental Born:5/11/ 1982 Cameron Dott superlative season so far in Studies at Trinity Height: 180cm both defence and attack, he Weight: 105kg Hooker has an exceptional work rate Richard reads Born:25/05/ 1984 and his relentless attitude is Economics at Weight: 98kg perfectly suited to the atmos- Hughes Hall Cameron reads phere of the Varsity Match. Medicine at Cambridge are well placed Wolfson for this year’s Varsity 27.09.06 Mont de Marsan Away 23-3 Match. They are a strong 02.10.05 Cambridge Home 37-5 and mature team, and play rugby with their brains first 10.10.06 Bedford Away 6-7 and brawn second. They 17.10.06 Nottingham Home 13-20 must ensure that they play 30.10.06 Wasps Home 13-29 their own game, dictating the terms of engagement to 06.11.06 Harlequins Home 19-13 the Dark Blues. Then, and 13.11.06 Leicester Home 34-5 with a bit of luck, the trophy 20.11.06 Northampton Home 18-15 can stay in Cambridge for another year.

SPORT | 24.11.06 Varsity Rugby Special varsity.co.uk/sport Your guide to the 125th Varsity Match [email protected] pages 34 and 35

CAPTAIN’S CORNER Rugby Blues preparing for Oxford »Cambridge on track as the 125th Varsity Rugby Match approaches Women’s Golf TOM MARRIOTT Senior Rugby Reporter There is, famously, no form book for the Varsity match. Anything can hap- pen. It is part of the enduring appeal of the fixture; it is, almost every year, an unknown quantity. For the majori- ty of the thirty players jogging out onto Twickenham’s hallowed turf at 2pm on the 12th of December, this will be by far the biggest match of their lives. The staff at Twickenham expect a crowd well in excess of 40,000 for the main game; the average JO REEVE Premiership fixture would be doing well to net over 10,000. There are no How long have you been playing? empty platitudes about taking part. I’ve been playing since I was 14, For the losers, it is a failed season; although I didn’t play in my first 2 however many games were won in years here. I only took it up again the build up, it is upon that one day, last year. those eighty short minutes, that the What’s your handicap? team will be judged forever. To the My handicap is 16 at the moment, victor, the spoils. To play at Twickenham is to join a very elite but I am determined to get it down band of players. To win there, in a before the Varsity match. Varsity Match, is to join an even How often do you train? smaller group. We only have 2 official coaching ses- No event in the social and sporting sions each term due to the expense calendar brings the University of having a professional coach. together like the Varsity match, not However, we do go up to the driv- even the Boat Race. Admittedly, ing range or practise ground as worldwide, more people will watch the much as possible, at least once a Boat Race, but it is too detached and week. abstract an event, even for those How good is your team? watching from the pubs of The overall performance of the Hammersmith and Putney, to truly team has vastly improved this foster the atmosphere that makes the year compared to last. In Varsity Match special. A win for Michaelmas last year we didn’t Cambridge is a win for every student manage to win a match, whereas with even a passing interest in getting Cambridge continued their build-up with an 18-15 victory over Northampton on Monday SOPHIE PICKFORD this year we've only lost one one over on the “other place”. Victory match, which is fantastic. conveys year long bragging rights, not the gate bucking hard. It can often ble perhaps to convince the players in tained development, and the ability to However, we need to work hard to just to the players, but to every stu- mean that for the first half the game, some way that this was not in fact the play different types of game as and improve if we are to get close to dent they go out there to represent. the skill, maturity and game play that Varsity Match, we might perhaps see when required. The Light Blues the range of handicaps that the The first twenty minutes of any has been so well developed during the a more relaxed display that represent- refused to allow a disappointing loss to Varsity Match will be twenty minutes warm up games is thrown out of the ed their pre match form. an extremely strong Wasps side mid- Oxford team have. What’s your best bit of advice? of some of the hardest hitting, brutal window in favour of a pre-emptive This year, Cambridge’s form has season, put them off their stride, and rugby at any level; professional or first strike to show who is boss. This is been impressive: they have played continued to develop. The Dark Blues Keep your rhythm. Golf isn’t about even international for that matter. It where the unpredictability of the nine, lost four and won five. The last on the other hand, have played a total strength, its all about timing. Also, is not uncommon for someone to be Varsity match comes from. Both sides three victories on the trot against of twelve games, but won only six of relax, golf is about having fun. knocked unconscious and stretchered tense up, and instead of thinking about experienced Premiership opposition them; slightly worse than the Light What’s your funniest golf off before the half time whistle. When playing the game that works for them, have built up strong momentum Blue record in terms of percentage moment? the whole season comes down to one go on the defensive and try to beat the towards the big game. More impor- won, but not enough to really mean It’s always very amusing to see game, both sides tend to come out of other side senseless. If it were possi- tantly, these games have showed sus- CONTINUED ON PAGE 35 electric golf caddies moving across the fairway, and a random golfer chasing after it! The Is golf just for men? Week In Not at all, golf’s a great game for sex. Weather FRI SAT SUN MON TUE WED THUR

Re-arrange the letters by rotating the Hitori Sudoku Kakuro discs to create six separate six-letter Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more than once The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one Fill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the total in per row or column. Shaded squares may not be horizontally or condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1-9, and never words leading in to the centre. Email vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares must form a single 1 through 9 exactly once. use a number more than once per run (a number may reoccur continuous area. in the same row in a separate run). your answer to: [email protected]

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2 6 7 3 4 8 9 W V 7 8 O C E A 7 6 3 4 2 3 1 COMPETITION L D A

19 E R G 3 9 7 6 R O 15 N 5 7 1 3 4 3 6 2 7 6 8 9 3 5 Win a pair of tickets to the Arts 24 R N Picturehouse. O O 18 R D 6 1 8 2 Tickets available C E 1 3 6 5 6 7 1 G O 12 16 to use Monday to A O P

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