The Collegian

Volume 109 2011-2012 Article 22

3-27-2012

Volume 109, Number 22 - Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Saint Mary's College of California

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Recommended Citation Saint Mary's College of California (2012) "Volume 109, Number 22 - Tuesday, March 27, 2012," The Collegian: Vol. 109 , Article 22. Available at: https://digitalcommons.stmarys-ca.edu/collegian/vol109/iss1/22

This Issue is brought to you for free and open access by Saint Mary's Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Collegian by an authorized editor of Saint Mary's Digital Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. BROUGHT TO YOU BY JAKE'S FACE INSIDE N Real facts and sto­ ries now included! Ilegian • SPORTS: If it's not basket­ ball, it's not news MAR 2 8 Z011. www. WeStil!DontHavea Website.com

Mo-Town, Cali SUrt ~ry's College IT'S TUESDAY!!!!, April 1, 201i Volume CVIII, Number ii GWAR and Odd Future to play Gaelapalooza College to College calls on trash metal band and controversial rap grou~9 pJo¥Jptertainment build $5 mil

llJ D11 FICllr parking garage Doctor ofJournalism blf Ehall IBtroP If you happen to see zombie Bookkeeper demons, mutant pigs, Gila mon­ sters with laser guns, a strung It seems that commuter students' out caricature of Sid Vicious, problems are finally coming to a close. and what seems to be a young Last Friday, the college's administra­ Wu-Tang clan skateboarding tion announced that they had found a around campus during Gaela­ solution to combat the parking prob­ palooza, don't be alarmed. This lem currently plaguing Saint Mary's. just means trash metal all-stars In an official statement the school GWAR and LA-based hip hop outlined their plan. At its basic level, skate crew Odd Future Wolf it's very simpk; the school will be al­ Gang Kill Them All are drop­ locating funds to pay for a brand-new, ping by to entertain the student $5 million five-story parking garage, body. The College announced which should be completed by the fall today that the two acts will semester. However, the future location perform at the yearly event, to of this structure has people perplexed. be held May 5 on Chapel Lawn. It's no secret that Saint Mary's is a GWAR, who are famous for small college, both in student body size their alien costumes as well and the actual size of the campus. The as spraying crowds with sup­ college's location amongst the East Bay posedly fake blood, audience hills makes it difficult to expand, with decapitation and in general the most of the school's property already most deplorable and heinous developed. Thus, as school authorities stage antics known to man, will outlined in their statement, in order to begin open festivities on the build the parking structure something GWAR and Odd Future are teaming up to play this year's Gaelapalooza. chapel stairs at 12 p.m. A 150 on campus must be demolished. The ft-tall stage will be erected the thing they've decided must go? The night before by mental patients. just about everyone with their which we are not at liberty to crowd will surely explode with library. It will replicate an underworld controver::.ial, hypcr·1..hild15l publish) and will hand them o nefarious activity antl g n ral The em val l•S:-:C!QtOpj[iteff;:~;;;;;::;;::~~oi: prison where psychotic butchers antics. These guys at the entrance dur­ debauchery. Keep in mind that and furniture will begin over spring will begin to disembowel liars, are revolutionizing ing GWAR's show. Public Saftey will be on duty for break, as crews have been hired to get cheats and heathens. Sacrificial the rap game and As a Health & neither of these events, because the project finished as soon as possible. donations will be encouraged. play by nobody's ,.,~.,.....,. Wellness announce­ they will be dressed as the psy­ The actual demolition of the building Once the show. begins GWAR rules. Earl Sweat­ ment, Tyler the Cre­ chotic butchers at the GWAR will occur in the last week of April. Red will typically fight dozens of cy­ shirt, the group's ator, the group's show. see GARAGE, p666 borg creatures, demon animals, apparent prodigy, front man will typi­ After the show, attendees can and sacrilegious icons, climb who has freshly re­ cally poor buckets join the bands for an autograph obstacles like rope nets and fake turned from exile of Madagascar hiss­ signing and unveiling of the new 'Condom man' walls covered in chicken blood from Somoa and ing cockroaches on stained glass window (pictured, until they destroy the bad guy has been touring the front row and left) at the chapel, donated by on the loose boss with ear shattering rock with the group, encourages fans to Mr. T, who has recently been n' roll. will be making his pick up smoking by spotted attending Saint Mary's llJ Gloria Fraidan Opening the show will be OF­ You Tube-famous throwing cartons of basketball games at McKeon Activista de Rubio WGKTA, who seem to offend milkshakes (the contents of cigarettes into the crowd. The Pavilion. What's that out on the tables of Oliver Hall? It's a pack of gum! It's a really weird balloon! No, it's a condom! KSMC world domination plot foiled Yes, the rubJier prophylactics have been seen in General managerI cult leader Corey Fedor arrested following FBI confrontation abundance on bv Quaalude Nastv stockpiling weapons. Collegian Chief Copy Saint Mary's -Alternative Dubstep Critic In reply, the staff members, with Editor Anthony Gotti was campus lately, . the help of a mystery man they refer seen attempting to lug a but why? No, The usually quiet college town of to as "Wilhelm the Sound Guy," file cabinet full of back the ceiling Moraga was catapulted into national barricaded the doors and windows, issues down the hallway, hasn't started news late last week refusing entry to all. They issued an declaring that he would raining con­ Under the leadership of the on-air statement declaring that they not allow his archives to doms, and the strangely charismatic Corey Fedor, had been hoarding food supplies be blown up when the school defi­ the staff of KSMC, the College and "Snapple" ever since the on-line Feds got tired of waiting nitely hasn't radio station, engaged in a stand-off launch a month and a half ago. They for KSMC to surrender. loosened their last Friday with the Moraga police also announced that they had indeed ThequadbetweenFer­ policy regard­ department and representatives from been stockpiling weapons - as well roggiaro and LeFevre ing contra­ federal agencies such as the Bureau of as CD's - in preparation for such a Theatre was also evacu- Jacob Fulton/ COLLEGIAN ception. The Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, the standoff. ated and roped off, as Corey Fedor leads the masses of KSMC DJs. abundance of FBI, and the FCC. According to their statement, they KSMC staff members vulcanized The standoff occured when police were prepared to remain in Ferrog­ seemed inclined to hurl unpopular radio studio. fun-time tools and federal agents, investigating the giaro for months. CDs out of the window; frisbee-style. The College's Public Relations is actually the staff's plans for world domination, The standoff caused mass hysteria One federal agent, attempting office was thrown into chaos as report- result of the demanded entry to the radio station around the College, as the rest of to keep spectators out of the quad, actions of a located in Ferroggiarro Hall in order Ferroggiaro was evacuted in order to was injured by a flying CD and was to assess whether or ncit the staff was ensure safety. barely restrained from firing on the see KSMC, p666 see CONDOM MAN; p9

OPINION ODOUR News pg. l Hoodrat Stuff pg.2 Detour pg. 4-5 Phallic Phorum pg.4 Cool story, bro! Tell it again! Have You Heard: New age Gregorian chants Opinion pg.6 Have You Heard pg.6 pg, 666 pg, 788 Sports pg.7 Fluff p. l-12 666 Tuesday, March 34, 2012

The Collegian THE DISH Meet the Staff Editorial War on Women

by Virgilia Campagnone Star

In case you were hiding under a rock, there have recently been several campaigns to take away LE women's rights, a phenomenon that has been dubbed "the War COLLEGIEN on Women." From Virginia's Saint Mary's College of California intra-vaginal ultrasound bill, to Congress's determined efforts to 2008Winner keep the pill out of the hands of women, a lot of controversy has Associate Collegiate surrounded the Right's continu­ Press ous push to get women back to BEST PAPER EVER being barefoot in the kitchen. And when I say controversy, P.O. Box4407 I mean controversy. Of course Moraga. CA 94575 the feminists have been riled up, 223 Ferroggiaro Hall spewing their usual silliness about 'Mephone; 911 wanting to "control their bodies." Courtesy of Hliagen-Dazs Fax; 925.631.4675 The surprising thing, however, is E-mail: colleg~ Website: www.smccollegian.com KSMC: Radio station standoff turns hostile after barricade that a lot of the people against this war are men and non-man hating c.ontinued from page 1 ANTHONY GO'ITI women. In fact, many people ers swarmed its doors, andit attempted "production of questionable content." Deprived of their leader, the KSMC are saying that the Republican's Editor-in-Chief to dismiss the standoff as some sort of One student was recently quoted as staff soon surrendered to federal of­ continued efforts to take rights media social. saying he heard songs on the station ficials. away from women are hurting ANTHONY GOTTI The standoff came to a close when that sounded like "pots and pans" and "The station just can't survive with­ the conservative party and will Business Manager the FCC dismantled the station trans­ "aliens having sex." out him," KSMC Assistant to the lead to losses in the polls come mitter located at the observatory. In Fedor was apprehended when he General Manager Alex Kozela was November. a statement, they said that they have attempted to investigate the broadcast quoted as saying. "I can't do anything ANTHONY GOTTI But you know what, the Repub­ been wanting to shut down the sta­ signal l0$. Hewas escorted off campus on my own." licans are doing everything right. Chief Copy Editor tion for years due to the "frequency by federal officials and will be arraigned This is a tribute to an article in the 1988 Women don't need birth control Webmaster of expletives" said on air as well as its in court on Friday. edition. or abortions; their bodies are sup­ posed to be baby factories. Just be­ GARAGE: College to destroy library in favor of more parking cause they want those silly things Faculty Advisor like jobs and independence and continued from page 1 personhood doesn't mean they ANTHONY GOITI and blue fireworks are expected the.internet, don't they?" doesn't provide· more parking. can defy their biological destiny. to be added in order to make the This move comes amongst rising Also, five cars belonging to upper Those feminists wouldn't waste News Editor spectacle more enjoyable. When tensions over the parking situation. townhouse students who drive their time complaining if they had asked what students will do for The aggression on campus is pal­ down the hill for class and park in a few dozen kids to take care of. ANTHONYGOTII their study needs once the library pable, as evidenced by the threats the commuter lots have had their And all those male naysayers are Opinion Editor was gone, one administrator re­ from students to start parking tires slashed and profanities spray­ just traitors and don't deserve to sponded by saying, "They still have on the chapel lawn if the school painted onto their cars. have a penis. ANTHONY GOTfI The scary thing is that all of this dissent shows how much our cul­ Detour Editor ture has changed. Fifty years ago Hoodrat Stuff nobody would have cared about ANTHONY GOTTI 03/16/12 11:40a.m. 03/18/12 10:45a.m. 03/20/12 3:19p.m. sticking a wand up a woman's Sports Editor Incident: Student handbook viola­ Incident: Juvenile anarchy Incident: Alumili sighting vagina in order to prevent her tion Synopsis: Child seen doing "hpodrat Synopsis: Former Collegian Editor­ from having an abortion. Heck, Synopsis: Smokers occupy Health & stuff" with his "hoodrat" friends; in-Chief found working as bouncer ANTHONY GOTT! fifty years ago she couldn't even Wellness Center; referred to Com­ referred to his mother, reality. at medical marijuana dispensary; get an abortion. Why can't we just Chief Photographer munity Life. referred to hilarity. go back to the good old times? 03/16/12 6:00 p.m. Don Draper is so cool and always 03/16/12 10:00 p.m. Incident: Loss of mojo 03/21/12 12:19 p.m. seems so happy, what with the Incident: Festivity Continuity Synopsis: Gaels basketball mojo . Incident: Grammatical Assault woman-slapping and nonsense. Synopsis: Public safety allows town­ stolen in Omaha; referred to Randy Synopsis: Student slapped for not Have you ever read Margaret house party to exceed 10 p.m.; Bennett. using Oxford comma; referred to the Atwood's A Handmaid's Tale? referred to disbelief. Writing Center. Now those people knew how to 03/18112 9:57 p.m. handle women: take away their 03/16/12 11:35 p.m. Incident: Student handbook viola­ money, lock them up at home, Incident: Typical KSMC behavior tion 03/21112 8:45 p.m. and get them started pumping out Incident: KSMC General Manager Synopsis: Costa Rican shaman Incident: Petty theft. babies. Atwood is a genius and the The Collegian ii> the one and found drinking, violating noise ordi­ caught in possession of Ayahuasca Synopsis: Public safety officer caught brilliant utopia she creates in her only student-nm publication of nance in KSMC Studio; referred to in KSMC studio; referred to Com­ stealing donuts from Saga; referred to novel is something the contempo­ Saint Mary's College of Califor­ Public Safety. munity Life. Todd Jenkins. rary world should emulate. nia. When we aren't spending Actually, that is exactly what time editing articles, hunting 03/17/12 12:19a.m. 03119112 3:40 a.m. 03/22/12 9:23 a.m. we should do. The Republicans down stories - or writers - we Incident: Typical KSMC behavior Incident: Sexual multiplicity · Incident: Animal conspiracy aren't going far enough; why stop enjoy long walks on the beach, Synopsis: Public Safety found drink­ Synopsis: Orgy found underway in Synopsis: Raccoons, squirrels, and at taking away birth control? They Croes, and the occasional white ing, violating noise ordinance in the first floor lounge of Ageno C; turkeys seen gathered in Redwood should be passing bills making it mochatini. KSMC Studio; referred to Moraga referred to Mission and Ministry Grove, appeared to be planning an illegal to hire women for a job, or If you are interested in join­ PD. Center uprising; referred to Animal Control. I creating a curfew which prevents ing our merry band of editors, them from leaving the house. stop by our office in the un­ 03/17/12 1:34a.m. 03/19112 11:48a.m. 03/22/12 5:33 p.m. Right now they're only tak­ prouncable hall that starts with Incident: Joyride Incident: Hipster sighting Incident: Condom bombing ing small steps towards a return an F, sometime at reasonable Synopsis: Red Alfa Romero seen Synopsis: Young man in Toms, a Synopsis: Condom Man performed to the good old patriarchy, but hours, because otherwise one of racing around school, found parked plaid-shirt, and scarf seen wandering one of his signature condom bomb­ keep throwing those legislative us might be sleeping in here and on Chapel Lawn the next morning; around school garden, complaining ings in Cafe Louis; referred to the grenades boys. Eventually you're yoµ don't want to see us when referred to Dean Rooney. about how mainstream corn has Safety Pinner. going to blow those women back we're cranky. gotten; referred to Urban Outfitters. into the kitchen. SAINT MARY'S COLLEGE OF CALIFORNIA INSIDE ~NEWS: Beyond the Bubble

.. SPORTS: \It e QCollegian Baseball springs into league play

Moraga, California (i facebook.com/smccollegian Tuesday, March z7, 2.012. @SMC_collegian Volume 109, Number ~i Games, obstacle Superman documents educational inequalities course offered at Students underperforming nationally in basic subjects, overlooked by education system spring break fair

bv Knsll W1rthen Staff Writer

Get ready Gaels, spring break has finally arriveo! As you all know, this weekend begins spring break, and RHA and the Health and Wellness Center want to make sure you stay safe. During community time on Wednesday, RHA and the H&WC are putting on a Safe Spring Break Fair in Ferroggiaro Quad, to teach you how to stay safe through your break. "We want to really touch on some of the risky behaviors that are attributed to spring break," said Irene U mipig of the H&WC. There are some fun games for students to take part in such as a fashion show titled 'Hot Mess or Hot Dress?' and 'Hop in the Sack' which will be a game about repro­ ductive health information and safe sex practices. There will also be a beer goggle obstacle course, which is sure incite some laughs from any onlookers. Take some time to check out one of the big highlights of the week: the MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) crash car unit. That crashed car you've Gabi Reyes-Acosta/ COLLEGIAN seen being displayed is an actual (SUP)port Justice sponsored the Thursday night screening of Waiting for Superman, a documentary film examining problems with the American educa· car that was in a drunk driving tional system. In 'Dropout Factory' schools, over 40 percent of students are underperforming, according to the film. accident. Take a few minutes to check out the story and remind llV &a•i leves-AclSll schools known as "Dropout Fac­ in GaWeo 201 on Thursday night reformers like Jeffrey Canada and yourself how dangerous drunk Staff Writer tories:" schools where 40 percent filled the room an almost palpable Michelle Rhee as they fight against driving can be. or more of the student popula­ tension. Tense seems to be the a bureaucracy that is decades old In addition to all of this, there For many students at Saint tion is underperforming. The main emotion felt by viewers and still lives in the past. We are will be a resource fair, which will Mary's, access to a quality edu­ documentary Waiting/or Superman while watching the documentary tense when we watch how the include both on and off campus cation is taken for granted. Yet, seeks to grapple with the problem that focuses on five students and teachers who work tirelessly for resources for having a safe spring millions of students across the of providing our nation's children their parents from various so­ their students get paid the same break. The Mission & Minis­ country struggle every day with with an education that will prepare cioeconomic backgrounds. We amount as teachers who barely do try Center, CILSA, the Moraga their education. Parents unable them for the future. are tense when we witness the their jobs. Most of all though, we Chamber of Commerce, MADD, to afford a private school agonize Sponsored by (SUP)port Jus­ seemingly insurmountable odds see SUPERMAN, pz the American Cancer Society over sending their children to tice, the documentary screening that are stacked against education and more will all be there hand­ ing out free stuff like sunscreen, Documentary theater play 'empowers' marginalized voices hand sanitizer, sunglasses and travel kits. Writer Yadira De La Riva brings dance, music, theater to campus as part of larger tour The fair will also offer an op­ portunity for reflection. There will bV Alex lazela to tell the story of a family sepa­ be a 'Clothesline of Reflection' Editor-in-Chief rated by border enforcement and where students can to draw, write, the U.S./Mexico war on drugs," or otherwise express themselves La Hermandad will host a according to De La Riva's website. regarding spring break safety, or "documentary theater play" de­ De La Riva is an artist and edu­ perhaps a lesson you have learned picting one woman's coming of cator from El Paso, Texas, and Ciu­ or an experience you've had over age story on the United States/ dad Juarez, Chilhuahua, who re­ spring break. With some touchy Mexico border today at 6:15 p.m. cently obtained a Master's Degree topics throughout the fair, such as in the Moraga Room in the Soda from the New York University: the MADD car crash, be sure to Center. Gallatin School of Individualized reflect on what all of this means. One Journey: Stitching Stories Study in Artivism: Performance Art The fair will take place in Fer­ Across the Mexican ''American' Bor­ as a means of Cultural Resistance. roggiaro Quad if the weather der uses "theater, comedy, poetry, Her website states that her passion permits; should it rain, head over movement, dance, music, and mul­ is to "create, perform, and produce to Dryden Hall to check it out! timedia projection" to highlight performances that represent and Should any of these displays or the border situation, according to empower marginalized voices topics bring up tough issues or the website of Yadira De La Riva, nationally and internationally." questions, Irene Umipig in the who wrote and directed the play. Moraga is just one stop for the Health and Wellness Center is a The documentary theater play play on a tour that includes states Courtesy of milwaukee.gozamos.com resource on campus for any stu­ "weaves personal borderlander in­ such as Illinois, Georgia, and Yadira de la Riva is an artist and educator from Texas and Chihuahua dent to talk to. terviews and creative imagination Wisconsin. who holds degrees from UC Santa Cruz and New York University. OPINION DETOUR News pg. 1 Calendar pg. 2 Detour pg.4 Have You Heard? pg. 4, Gun control, racism factors in Fl. murder Hunger Games worth seeing again Opinion pg.6 Upcoming Albums pg. 5 pg. 6 pg. 4 Sports pg. 7 Player of the Week pg. 7

:lire~ will return after Spring Break on Tuesday. April 1 i. 2 Tuesday, March 27, 2012

W:be QCollegian E INSIDE PA SUPERMAN: (SUP)port Justice enco~rages students to volunteer continued from page 1

are tense when we see that these in California. An avid learner, it {Sup )port Justice encouraged stu­ The biggest thing to take away children, all of which yearn to be is heartbreaking to think that her dents to help by volunteering to from the film was that it isn't about educated, must yield to pure luck potential could be stifled if she is tutor at the Lasallian Educational the money or the bureaucrats, to get into schools that will provide left to schools that will not give her Opportunity (LEO) Center in Oak­ or even the parents. It's about what may be their one and only the proper tools to go to college, let land, which takes place Monday children like Daisy who are ready chance for a future. alone graduate high school. Her through Thursday 2:30 p.m. - 6:00 and willing to be the leaders of Numbers play a big role in hopes hinge on Kipp Academy p.m .. Attendees also signed letters the future, but are overlooked by the education system, and while LA, which is part of a series of to Senators Barbara Boxer and Di­ the system. An education is a way • watching the documentary it is charter schools that will give her ane Feinstein, encouraging them to a better life, and for every high difficult to not get overwhelmed the attention that all students de­ to help make our country into a school dropout that is one less THE by how many there are. When serve but too few get. place that drives children to excel doctor, one less teacher, one less COLLEGIAN director and narrator Davis Gug­ At the end of the screening academically. president. genheim describes how students in Saint Mary's College ef California most states perform at staggeringly 2008Winner low levels in basic subjects such as reading comprehension and math, Associate Collegiate one cannot help but feel like noth­ Press ing can be done. This feeling is 10th Best of Show reiterated as we are told about the P.Q Box4407 vast amount of groups who seek to Moraga, CA 94575 have control over some aspect of 223 Ferroggiaro Hall the education system, all going in different directions and all unwill­ Telephone: 925.631.4279 ing to compromise. E-mail: r:olkgiai!;stmarys-az.edu Numbers are easily forgotten, Websit~ www.smccollegian.com though, when we revisit the chil­ dren, like young Daisy Esparza ASHLEY HAGIN who tells the cameramen in her ALEXKOZELA quiet voice that she dreams of Editors-in-Chief becoming a veterinarian because she "likes to help people." Daisy ALEX CHOY lives in a part of Los Angeles with Business Manager high dropout rates, and when she reaches high school she will attend ANTHONY GOTTI Chief Copy Editor Roosevelt, which is known widely as one of the worst high schools Webmaster Courtesy of colorlines.com

COREY FEDOR Assistant Copy Editor

SHAWNY ANDERSON Looking for a great res11me builder9 Faculty Advisor Congratulations JEANNINE ABUSHARKH to the Saint News Editor Mary's College KATIE PORTER voice Opinion Editor m:ve

Applications available at 223 Ferroggiaro Hall llcgia11 h the offidal newspa­ per of the Associated Students of O'Malley Saint MJry s College. The Collcgia11 First Place is published weekly, except during examination petiods and academic Musical Theater Division recesses. The Coliegiau resl.'rves the Crime Beat right to hold and edit all submitted materials, solicited and unsolicited. Leila Lahidji The Collegian's Editorial Board is 03/17/2012 1:03 a.m. Incident: Damage to College referred to Community Life and Fourth Place comprised of all oversight staff Incident: Student handbook viola­ property. Moraga PD. members. Other opinions expressed Musical Theater Division are not necessarily endorsed by The tion. Synopsis: Golf cart moving at un­ Collegian, its contnbutors and/or ad­ Synopsis: Noise complaint and safe speed and dangerous maneu­ 03/22/2012 6:45 p.m. vertisers. Tu place an advertisement violation in Freitas Hall; referred . ver on East Side Roadway of Soda Incident: Petty theft. or inquire about a subscription, call Rebecca The Collegian's Business Department to Community Life. Center; referred to Community Synopsis: $41 missing from purse at 925.631.4279 or visit www.smccol- _, Life, Facilities Services and Loss in Guerrieri West; referred to Capriulo legian. com/advertising. 03/18/2012 3:29 a.m. Prevention. Community Life. Fourth Place Incident: Student handbook viola­ Aria Division tion. 03/19/2012 12:09 p.m. 03/23/2012 2:16 a.m. Synopsis: Cohabitation in Guer­ Incident: Student handbook viola­ Incident: Student handbook viola­ rieri West Hall; referred to Com­ tion. tion. munity Life. Synopsis: Possession of a firearm, Synopsis: Noise violation in De ammunition, Marijuana and para­ La Salle Hall; referred to Com­ 03/19/2012 5:50 a.m. phernalia in Library parking lot; munity Life. Tuesday, March 27, 2012 l 3

Tournees Film Festival concludes sampling of French culture Modern Languages Department organizes screenings of contemporary French films

bJ Charlie Guese Staff Writer

Saint Mary's students and the general public were treated to a dis­ Meditation with Br. Ca­ tinctly French cultural experience millus this month through the Tournees 27 Festival, which screened some of l'uesday, March the finest films in contemporary Wednesday, March 28 French cinema. 11 :40 a.m. ~ 12:20 p.m. The Department of Modern Main Chapel Languages organized the festival, which included five events in all. Contact Joa.nneAngerame Professor Helga Lenart-Cheng x4366 was instrumental in coordinat­ ing and facilitating the festival, Honors Lecture . which was made possible through a grant from the French Ministry Tuesday~ Match 27 of Foreign and European Affairs. 5:30 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. The Centre National de la Cine­ Galileo 201 matographie, The Florence Gould Contact Da'Vid Bird Foundation, the Grand Mariner Foundation, and Highbrow En­ x3895 tertainment also supported the Tournees Festival. The Saint Sherlock Holmes Movie Mary's College French Club also Tuesday~ March 27 provided assistance. All events were free of charge to Saint Mary's Courtesy of thoug~tsonfilms.wordpress.com 9:00 p.m ..... U:OO p.m. students, while general public tick­ The Tournees Film Festival, which screened five films on campus this month, opened with Coco Avant Chanel. Hagerty Lounge ets cost $3. k:'.;ontaet Reuben Greenwald The first film, screened on Vie en Rose followed, illustrating pist monks living in Algeria were he is able to tolerate the harsh and x4704 March 1, showed the difficult a similar narrative of personal gradually and brutally threatened corrupt environment around him. lifestyle and coming-of-age of struggle; ·only this time, the film and eventually killed by extremists Professor Ronald Ahnen prefaced Coco Chanel in Coco Avant Cha­ documented the rise and unfor­ from the Jemaah Islamiah funda­ the film, discussing the presence Music in the Quad nel. Raised as an orphan, Chanel tunate fall of Edith Piaf, one of mentalist organization. Theology of rampant racism, corruption, Wednesday~ March 28 struggled to overcome harsh fi­ the most recognized singers in the professor Tom Poundstone de­ and psychological and physiologi­ nancial and emotional obstacles Francophone world. Paired with scribed the actual 1996 bloodshed cal harm that occurs not only in 12:00 p.m. - 2:00 p.m. before ultimately thriving under an introduction from Thoinas in full, examining how faith played French prisons but also in many Ferroggiaro Quad her flourishing fashion empire. Cooney, La Vie en Rose detailed a role in the lives of the French prison systems around the world. ontaci.. ~Mberr1Bft~mit~ -~~ Italian professor Costanza Dopfel the rise and fall of Piaf from sing­ monks and their devotion to the The Tournees Festival conclud­ x4704 introduced the film by giving the ing in brothels to concert halls in Algerian villagers. ed last night with the film Entre Les audience a brief summary of Eu­ New York before spiraling out of The March 20 event showed a Murs. The semi-autobiographical ropean fashion history, explaining control following the death of her stark account of the prison sys­ film based on a 2006 novel by _Coffeehouse how Coco Chanel challenged the lover. tem in France with the film Un Fran~ois Begaudeau shows the Wednesday, March 28 elaborate and fanciful designs of The third film in the series on Prophete. The central character, cultural challenges in a teacher 8:00 p.m. - 11 :00 p.m. the Belle Epoque era in which she March 11 took a different direc­ Malik, serves six years in prison introducing the French language to lived through unconventional uses tion with Des Dieux et des Hommes. for a crime that he likely did not his multicultural students. French Hagerty Lounge of fabric and simplicity. The film highlighted an actual commit. Through committing vio­ professor Catherine Marachi pro­ ntact Reuben Greenwald A week later on March 8, La event in which eight French Trap- lent acts against other prisoners, vided an introduction. x4704

Cultural Night Beyond the Bubble Thursday, March 29 5:00 p.m.,.... 10:00 p.m. Because there's a whole world out there. Soda Center Contact Maria Capitelli French gunman's brother ful attitude towards women." rocked by a magnitude 7.2 earth- al anthem from the movie Borat charged with complicity Reebok's spokesman apologized quake that struck 134 miles south was played accidentally at a medal x8317 After a 32-hour siege in his for the indiscretion, saying that of Santiago. Following initial pan- ceremony for the nation's shooting Toulouse apartment, 23-year- "the signs were removed as soon ic, residents were urged to evacu- team in Kuwait. The team's coach Rosary old Mohammed Merah, wanted as we were made aware of them," ate to higher ground, although the demanded an apology, claiming Thursday, March 29 for the killings of three French and emphasized that the company Chilean navy's hydrographic and that the tournament organizers paratroopers, a rabbi, and three does not condone infidelity. oceanographic service claimed had downloaded the spoof anthem 7:00 p.m. -7:30p.m. children, was shot dead. Merah's that a resultant tsunami was un- from the internet mistakenly. Main Chapel brother, Abdelkader Merah, was Belvedere Vodka was also the likely, according to the Contra Contact Father Sal arrested last Tuesday and is now subject of controversy with an ad Costa Times. Church leaders wear hoodies being tried with conspiracy to pre- posted to their Facebook page on in Martin's honor x4366 pare acts of terrorism and group Saturday, depicting a woman be- Eight-year-old boy goes on joy Across the country, pastors, theft, according to CNN. As of ing grabbed from behind by a man ride with younger sister church leaders and church-goers press time, Abdelkader Merah was with the text, "Unlike some peo- On March 8, an eight-year-old wore hoodies during their Sunday in custody and had not yet spoken ple, Belvedere always goes down Utah boy took his mother's mini- sermons in honor of the unarmed publicly. smoothly." Critics claim the ad van keys while she slept to take his Florida teen who was shot and made light of sexual assault. The five-year-old sister to the store. The killed last month. In Atlanta, Rev. Advertisements spark contro- image was quickly removed, and children only made it across the Raphael Warnock likened Tray- Planning an event? versy the company's president posted a street before crashing into a line von Martin to to Emmett Till, a On Thursday, Yahoo News re- formal apology. "It should never of trees, according to the Contra 14-year-old boy who was lynched Want in The ported that a Reebok spokesperson have happened," he wrote. "I am Costa Times. "It could have been in 1955 for allegedly whistling it Collegian? issued a formal apology for an ad currently investigating the matter much worse if they didn't have at a white woman, according to.., the that had been displayed in Germa- to determine how this happened their seatbelts on. They were just Yahoo News. Rev. Jesse Jackson -mail us with details of yo ny. The ad, which read, "Cheat on and to be sure it never does so too smart for their own good," said described Martin as a "martyr," event at: your girlfriend, not on your work- again. The content is contrary to Ogden police Lt. Danielle Croyle. and led his congregation in a collegia~-ca.edu out," prompted public outrage. our values and we deeply regret No charges were filed. chant: "Stop the violence. Save the or call for more :information: (925) 631-4279 The founder of Cheaterville.com, this lapse." children." Like Warnock, Jackson a website devoted to calling out Borat anthem played mistak- als.o likened Martin to Till, and Sorry, but due to space infidelity, was especially angered, Chile hit by 7 .2-magnitude enly at Kuwait medal ceremony compared his death to those of limitations we list stating, "This form of advertising earthquake The BBC reported last Friday Medgar Evers and Martin Luther cannot individual club meetings. shows a dishonest and disrespect- On Sunday night, Chile was that the spoof Kazakhstan nation- King. 4 ' Tuesday, March z7, zo1z ETOURTHE COLLEGIAN Fueling the Hunger Have You Heard? The Hunger Games impresses fans &moviegoers Hos pita Iity bV Carlo Sosa is how the sound is a complete bv Jazo Moises puts them in an arena, and has ing for the small details from Staff Writer contrast to the dispirited lyrics Assistant Detour Editor them battle to the death until the books in the movie. Straight from the heart of of frontwoman (and second­ Standing at the midnight one is left. Jennifer Lawrence The acting is also superb. Brooklyn, New York, I bring grade teacher) Papini. Although premiere in Walnut Creek in a ·and Josh Hutcherson play Kat­ Lawrence's portrayal of Kat­ you another three-piece indie­ she tries to keep the songs open­ line wrapping around the cor­ niss Everdeen and Peeta Mal­ niss really shines through, as pop outfit. Female vocalist/ ended, the theme of a lot of her ner, full of both college stu­ lark, two teenagers taken from she gets across Katniss' tough­ guitarist. Bassist. Drummer. A so:r;igs revolve around a life in dents and parents with their District 12 and brought to as-nails and survivalist attitude touch of synths, and keyboards transition: her dissatisfaction i 5-year-old children, I finished the Capitol to prepare for the very well. Also featured in the on the side. Think you've heard regarding her past jobs, the bills rereading the first book on my Games. If you haven't read the movie is Alexander Ludwig, it all before? You tell yourself she has to pay, and her bud­ iPhone. The Hunger Games has book or seen the movie, I'll try who portrays the vicious and that as much as you want, but ding or failing friendships. She been long awaited - by both not to ruin much, but there's austere tribute Cato. However, without a doubt Hospitality will portrays her stories in a simple fans and moviegoers. Movies really only one word that de­ the standout character in this definitely exceed your expecta­ but thoughtful narration; it's based on books have a lot of scribes this movie - stunning. movie is Elizabeth Banks as tions. ·poetry that everyone will under­ pull in the theaters, but along First off is the design. The Effie Trinket. Her quirky atti­ Right off the bat, Hospital­ stand. Listeners will no doubt with the pu11 comes either ex­ crew did a fantastic job at imag­ tude and mannerisms, disturb­ ity, which is composed of Am­ be able to relate and enjoy Pap­ treme success or utter failure. ining what the land of Panem ing to those from the Districts, ber Papini, Nathan Michel, and ini's stories, as she, with Regina Needless to say, the movie is would look like. We see the brought a lot of contrast in at­ Brian Betancourt, draw com­ Spektor-esque intonation, sings on the successful side, making stark contrast between the rug­ titude to the movie. parison to Belle and Sebastian in, "Seventeen part a year/Orily $15 5 million after its first week­ gedness and bleakness of the Now that the movie is finally or Camera Obscura. The trio's breathe could keep my heels end in the theaters, becoming districts and color and luxury out, fans are already scream­ 2011 self-titled LP captures on the Street/Thanking broad the third best opening of all of the Capitol. And while the ing to watch the second movie, the elements that make these strong backs that built" ("Ju­ time (behind the second part of hair colors and extended eye­ scheduled to come out in No­ other well-known bands great: lie"), or, "Young and maudlin/ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hal­ lashes may seem awkward to vember 2013. With the pletho­ the lighthearted instrumenta­ You were alright 'til the end lows and The Dark Knight), and some, it ultimately gets the ra of action scenes and the dra­ tion, the infectious guitar riffs, of the night/Counting all your impressing audiences. point across that the people of matic story that lies within, The the hook-laden melodies, and feathers in a cap/ And a bible If you've never heard of The the Capitol have no concern for Hunger Games excites and en­ the bouncy rhythm section. black eye" ("Eighth Avenue"). Hunger Games, here's a quick money while the people of the thralls audiences, leaving them The band's drummer, multi-in­ There is just something ex­ rundown - in order to keep the districts are fighting daily to coming back for more. Proof? I strumentalist, and co-producer tremely appealing about the mu­ 12 Districts of Panem in order, find food and stay alive. Inside watched it three times. Michael also adds layers of sic that Hospitality brings to the the government takes one boy the arena is beautiful as well, as keyboards, synths, and horn table. It could be their extremely and one girl from each district, fans of the series will be look- Grade: A sections at different points in catchy hooks and melodies, or the songs. This is not a ground­ it could be their simplicity and breaking addition, but the ar­ their familiarity sounds. It could rangements just have all the be their songs' somewhat unno­ right notes in the right time and ticed complexities. It could be one can't help but feel satisfied. the quirky stories. Nonetheless, For instance, the small saxo­ Hospitality are on their way to phone riff present in the chorus indie-pop success, and if they of their lead single "Friends of keep sticking to their roots and Friends" adds a certain element saying hello to the people that to the song that makes listen­ like them on Facebook, they ers groove to its rhythm. "All will be greeting a lot of people Day Today," along with its syn­ in the near future. copated rhythms and punchy bass-lines, utilizes the keyboard Recommended Tracks: All tones and the horns to accentu­ Day Today, Betty Wang, Julie ate parts of the songs that makes . it stand-out. Without a doubt, the sound that Hospital­ ity imparts to their audi­ ence is per­ fect for sun­ ny summer drives. What makes them even more

interesting Courtesy of thoughtontracks.com Tuesday, March 271 2012 5

THE COLLEGIAN ETOU Seeing With Schwood Off-Campus Living: Portland-based company makes Moraga fashion statement with nature distinctly different alternatives. bV Alex Kozela and Ashlev Hagin terms with going through about a samosas. After about 9pm, the bv Sara Desantis Editors-in-Chief If you want to break away from quarter of a tank of gas driving only available food option is Assistant Opinion Editor For those of you considering a the familiar wayfarer design, up the street. Safeway and Jack-in-the-Box, so the curvy "Neskowin" line move off campus next year, there are As we all know, there are vir­ you'll have to choose between a lot of different places to consider. Introducing Shwood Sun­ gives the wayfarer look a more tually no nightlife options here. those. glasses, the next hipster label. rounded and larger frame. The Do you want to stay close, joining the Places just close early in Moraga For students who enjoy being Rising from a Do-It-Yourself "Oswald" line invokes images dozens of·Saint Mary's students who - usually around 9. But the res­ outdoors, the Lafayette-Moraga mentality, the Portland-based of sophistication - the kind of live in Moraga on Ascot and Donald? taurants that are here are solid Regional Trail offers opportuni­ company creates sustainable, glasses a professor or librarian Or you could go and live somewhere a alternatives to the monotony of ties to walk, bike or run in the classic frames from wood and in Portland would wear. bit more glamorous but farther away, eating in Oliver Hall. The Rheem fresh air. Moraga Commons has other recycled products. Since The "Govy" line has a like Walnut Creek or Berkeley. There Center and Safeway Shopping a skat!'! park, disc golf course, and the very beginning, when found­ square, modern edge that gives are Saint Mary's students who live all Center are within walking dis­ ' large grassy area. The bike trails er Eric Singer created the first the wearer a bolder look that around the Bay Area, and to help you tance of most houses and apart­ go everywhere you need to go - pair of shades out of wood from Shwood suggests for the male choose where you want to live next ments, and they offer a variety to campus, to Safeway en route a Medrone tree, hinges from an wearer. The "Ashland" glasses year, The Collegian will be doing a of dining options. The Rheem to Orinda, and to Lafayette. If old cabinet, ·and lenses from a have a large-framed, utilitar­ series of reviews. Students who cur­ Center meets all of your Asian you're more into strolling through corner store, the company has ian appeal. If you are looking rently live off campus will give you food preferences, as Shish Ka­ the rolling green hills, head up to held the tagline "Experiment for less mainstream sunglasses, with Nature." Singer says that then these two are a stylish and the pros and cons of the places where bob Show (Middle Eastern), the top of Ascot and go explor­ the objective of their product is unique buy. they live, giving you a firsthand look Royal Siam (Thai), Kirin Sushi ing. You can walk all the way to to encompass the individuality Shwood has also teamed up at what off-campus living is like. (Japanese), Little Hearty Noodle Orinda as well as to the Lafayette and creativity that can only be with other companies to cre­ (Vietnamese), and China Moon Reservoir, depending on which found in natural environments. ate stylish frames from other Let's be honest here: most (Chinese) are all located near the direction you choose and how The company has upheld their sustainable sources of wood. wouldn't say that Moraga is the Rheem Theater. Bianca's Deli is lost you want to get. motives well as their retro The "Projects" is crafted from ideal place to live as a college kid. a fantastic option for sandwiches, On-campus housing is quickly shades are appealing to many White Oak Bushmills Irish But that doesn't mean you can't located near Safeway. On Sun­ becoming more and more diffi­ tastes. whiskey barrels and comes in make the most of it when living days, the Moraga Farmer's Mar­ cult to get, but there are definitely Shwood offers six different a custom wood crate package off campus. ket offers fresh produce, artisan worse places to live than in idyl­ designs to choose from. Their complete with a crowbar that The most obvious perk of liv­ baked goods, slow-drip coffee, lic little Moraga. Even if there is original and most popular line, you use to open it. In August, ing in this little East Bay enclave Polish pierogi, and spicy Indian no bar. "The Canby," is in the classic Shwood premiered their latest is your proximity to campus. It's wayfarer style and was the in­ line. In collaboration with the just a short five-minute drive to spiration for the wood sunglass­ San Francisco based streetwear class, and with the newly repaved es movement. The style is a mix company Huf, Shwood debuted trails, biking to campus is an en­ between old-style framing and the "Six-Ply Fade." These joyable alternative. However, if ethnic woodwork. The buyer unique glasses boast frames you live high up on the Ascot hill, can choose from three options: fashioned from broken skate­ it is near-impossible to ride up the reddish-orange striped zebra­ board decks. massive mountain that the street wood, smooth cherry, or dark Though Shwood is an up­ resides on. East Indian rosewood. The and-coming company, they will If you do live off campus, As­ glasses run from $125 to $135 , definitely be getting more atten­ cot Drive is where you'll find the but considering they are crafted tion for their retro shades. The most students. It's centrally lo­ from sustainable wood from au­ products are unique, the mes­ cated, it's walking distance from thorized plantations and that sage for others to create from they, like all of the lines, boast everyday objects and natural 7-11 , and there's a good bet you'll switchable lenses, the price is resources is inspiring, and the have an incredible view if you worth it. ability to look cool strolling live on the hill. If you do live up Besides their popular "Can­ down the street is well worth there, you'll just have to come to by" line, Shwood also offers five the money. Courtesy of trulia.com Coming Soon ... Albums Movies

t. .. ~ ' ~.~-.·':I :1i<...... Square Peg in a Round Hole MDNA I • i\ • by Apparatjik by Madonna Singles: "Combat Disco Music", Singles: "Give Me all your Luvin", "~.'.... ~.. ······::"' ...·.··.·-.·· .. : ~ . - ~,. ' "Time Police" "Girl Gone Wild" 11, l

• TITA.NIC.

Weapons Kids in the Street Courtesy of movieweb.com Courtesy of movienewz.com by Lostprophets by All-American Rejects American Reunion Titanic 3D Single: "Bring 'Em Down" Singles: "Beekeeper's Daughter", in theaters 011 April 6 in theatt'rS on April 6 "Kids in the Street Plot: The American Pie cast returns The epic Americ<1.n romance returns to East Great Falls for their high to the big screen in 3D. A boy and a school reunion and see how their girl fall in love on the doomed RMS lives have developed since their crazy Titanic. young adult years. Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio and Starring: Jason Biggs, Alyson Han­ Kate Winslet Port of Morrow Jumping Trains nigan, and Seann William Scott by The Shins 9Y JoJo • Singles: "Simple Song","It's Only Single: "Disaster" Life" 6 1 Tuesday, March 2.7 2.012. OPiNioN Obamacare Trayvon Martin was an avoidable death under fire Florida killing reveals nation's problems with racism and guns llv Sara Desantis once more Assistant Opinion Editor ast month, seventeen­ bv Gabi Reves-Acosta L year-old Trayvon Martin Staff Writer was walking down the street in a gated Florida neighborhood he Patient Protection and when he was attacked by George TAffordable Care Act, ~lso Zimmerman, a neighborhood called Obamacare (usually when watch member. After struggling shouted on Fox News), is one of with each other, Zimmerman those things in today's politics that shot and killed the boy. Florida's either draws ire or relief. This is the "stand your ground" law, which bill which will purportedly put your exists in twenty other states, grandma to sleep when she gets too basically allows you to shoot old. This belief is of course is com­ someone out of "self-defense" pletely unfounded. Now, the law's and avoid arrest. So, Zimmer­ constitutionality is being questioned man walked away a free man. In in a series of hearings held in ¢e response, the local community Supreme Court. started protesting, influencing If the law is upheld, it will bring . the rest of American community, stark changes to how insurance and beginning a debate over the companies treat their clients. This need for stricter gun control laws includes forbidding insurance com­ and an end to racial bias. his hood pulled up, he called 911. don't kill people, people kill society has some problems that panies from denying coverage to According to the New York Even though the dispatcher told people," is fitting and it applies need to be acknowledged. people with pre-existing medical Times, Zimmerman was ar­ him to wait for the authorities, to words, too. This murder is The shooting of a young boy conditions and limiting how much rested once in 2005 on charges Zimmerman went out there, ap­ an ugly reminder of the anger, is a harsh way to throw our im­ they can charge seniors. The law of battery on a police officer and proached the boy first, instigated resentment, distrust, and para­ perfections as a society into light, also calls for insurers to be able to resisting arrest with violence. the attack, and shot the kid. noia running under the surface but it is necessary that we learn accommodate people without wor­ The charges were dropped. This Witnesses came forward after to of our vulnerable society, giving from the events of last month. rying about losing money because is not the "Wild, Wild West," say that they heard the boy yell­ rise to racist and nativist atti­ Zimmerman should be made to of a stipulation that states that all people; we should not be allow­ ing for help and for demanding · tudes. With the election of the accept the repercussions of kill­ Americans must have insurance or ing people to walk around with Zimmerman to leave him alone. first black President, the worst ing a human being and we need pay a penalty. concealed weapons. In addition It is also known that Zimmer­ economic fall since the Great De­ to work to move away from a Medicaid is also expanded in to those criminal charges, he man was not tested for drugs or pression, and right-wing inflam­ racially charged society. We need the law, which is a program for also had a history of domestic alcohol after the shooting, which matory media weighing down understand that a law that allows low-income citizens that will bring violence. And between January is standard procedure. The po­ America, this creates the perfect an untrained civilian to freely coverage to more than 10 million 1 and the night of the shooting, lice didn't press charges, telling environment for people to begin carry and fire a weapon must be people who earn too much money he evidently had called the local Martin's parents that their son's ignoring what is considered "po­ purged. George Zimmerman felt to qualify. The Congressional Bud­ police 46 times, reporting suspi­ killer had a clean criminal record litically correct" in favor of their threatened by a boy walking to a get Office estimates that by 2019 cious activity. His particular and was a licensed gun owner. "own needs. Zimmerman's ob­ house, so he shot him. Trayvon almost 95 percent of the country focus in these reports were black Though gun control is a big session with reporting innocent Martin was carrying a bag of will have health insurance. These men, so when he spotted Martin contributor to this issue, it is not black people in his neighborhood Skittles and a can of iced tea. Do changes are seen as vital by many, walking back from a 7-11 with the only part. The saying "guns is testament to the fact that our you see the problem yet? from women denied coverage for their pregnancies to those with chronic disease to those not yet old enough for Medicare but having Kony 2012 reveals hidden military motives difficulty affording their bloated insurance premium. Dictator may be a bad man, but America cannot afford to interfere As a highly partisan bill, the Re­ publicans are leading the fight to kill bv Nikolas Bunton behind what Invisible Children happen in Iraq, and our par­ have evolved into this political the law, with all of the current GOP Staff Writer is calling a "peace movement" ent's generation has seen it: the method: anyone who gets in our presidential candidates promising a to forcefully occupy Uganda in government will leak a video to way gets killed. For example, repeal if they are elected. he· recent "Kony 2012" the heart of Africa. the media portraying a battered Muammar Gaddafi was taking Honestly, the thought of this law T phenomenon-the over­ Anyone who knows the inter­ soldier or a crying child plead­ advantage of his nation's oil going away is saddening because night movement sparked by a net and social media knows that ing for help on camera. One kid money; within months, NATO for all of its changes and flaws, it viral video that reached over 40 a blatantly political video such crying and America wants to see forces invaded Libya and armed would do ·a vast amount of good. million views over a mere two as the Kooy 2012 video would more blood, more war, wants rebel insurgents with money and For many people, the law will not days-has been both praised and never get a towering 85 million to perpetuate the violence that weapons. affect them negatively. If you receive criticized for its ability to bring views unless high-ranking politi­ induced those poignant tears to Then just recently, the US De­ health benefits from your einployer, global awareness to the spe­ cians and prominent actors were begin with. fense Secretary said we are now you would keep them, simple as cific cause: "to take out Joseph endorsing the cause. Not to say that Kony isn't an considering military options in that. The ones will who feel the Kony," a Ugandan oppressor. It's funny how few people immoral dictator who doesn't Iran, where president Mahmoud changes of the law the most are the Jason Russell, the filmmaker question what they've just been deserve to be fed to the dogs, Ahmadinejad is making mas­ Americans who need it L'le most, behind tlie "Kooy 2012" video, told when it comes from the but the truth of the matter is sive amounts of money off the like those who go without coverage kicks off his politically-charged mouth of their favorite actor. that the man hasn't shown his petrodollar. He has been trading or who are clinging to the malfunc­ documentary by stating that the We are being manipulated by face in Uganda in over six years, with his major trading partners tioning insurance market for those film itself "is an experiment." our government and the main­ with his last attack dating over in China and India, selling who aren't in groups .. While that may sound engaging stream media; this whole Kony a decade ago. So why is this oil contracts, gold, silver, and The truth is health insurance just to some, it has the potential to 2012 movement is one big fraud video being distributed to the other currencies outside of the isn't working. As Republicans busy make people into lab rats being that, because it is so transpar­ masses now of all times? Our US dollar. This being said, it's themselves yelling about euthanasia martyred for some ambiguous ent, serves as an emblem of government is already so heavily no surprise our troops are being and touting bloated fees on televi­ cause. the establishment's attempts to involved in the Middle East, not mobilized to occupy Iran. sion, they ignore the fact that the Though some public support brainwash its people. to mention our own economic This duplicitous propaganda, Affordable Care Act brings just has been lost since its initial Indeed, before Russell's docu­ collapse, that it would seem im­ whether it be "Kooy 2012" that-affordable care-to a system release due to verified claims mentary was even released, the practical to begin another vague or any former mishaps in the that has been anything but afford­ that Invisible Children only re­ man had already mustered up and endless manhunt. history of U.S. foreign policy, able for a ridiculously long time. . ally donates 35 percent of its an influential parade of support These massive efforts to take revolves around economics-it If one needs ·to see an example of revenue to Ugandans and the from these recognized public down the one man responsible is all about US dollar's relation­ this system working successfully, just cause, my main issue with the figures. The U.S. government for the country's mayhem may ship with the petrodollar. If look to Massachusetts, where it has whole "Kony 2012" movement seems to always find some way seem humanitarian and morally that relationship goes slightly been churning along under Gover­ is that it is the perfect example of of rousing the people toward its binding, but the reality is that off skew because one of our nor Mitt Romney. Republicans have contemporary propaganda at its hidden agenda, orchestrating there will always be someone figureheads isn't catering to been attempting to kill the bill, and best. This is an outright pro-war public anger through various to point to, some horrendous our economic regulations, the if they do, millions of Americans film which attempts to rally the schemes and psychologically Genghis Khan type killing off responsible dictator's violent depending on affordable healthcare American people-particularly intrusive methods. Sadly, our any and all insurgents. exploits are put on the pedestal will fall through the cracks. the youthful internet culture- generation has already seen it The new expansionary efforts of public attention. Tuesday, March z7, ZOIZ r 7 W:be Q!:oUegtan PORTS NFL: April draft is the next big thing continued from page 8 Baseball preview Williams, who now coaches for nothing happening between the Saint Louis Rams, has been the Super Bowl and the Draft. Bay Area teams have· different goals in 2012 suspended indefinitely. NFL · Nonetheless, the NFL somehow Commissioner Roger Goodell, figured out a way to steal the who has been known for hand­ spotlight from college basketball ing down stiff punishments, ob­ and spring baseball. Even though viously tried to set a precedent football may not be number one for similar cases in the future. in the ratings this time of the March and April are usually year, it's still number one in our dead periods in the NFL, with hearts after a controversial week. BASE: Gaels have work to do in wee continued from page 8 There were numerous opportu­ ones. nities for the Gaels to score, but Saint Mary's will hope the they were unable to. A ninth in­ rain goes away as they can go ning run by the Matadors of left back to their normal routines hander Jordan Mills proved to be and start to catch on fire in the the difference. Kyle Barraclough middle of WCC Play. After going pitched seven strong innings, 1-2 against Brigham Young, the striking out seven while giving up Gaels find themselves in catch-up just two hits. However, he walked mode as they are behind San Di­ four Matadors and hitthree other ego (1-0) and BYU (4-2).

Courtesy of ES PN and Getty I mag es. Women's LAX loses close one Yonis Cespedes (L) and Buster Posey (R) will be big contributers in 2012 for their respective teams. Gaels unable to complete rally bv Simon Trvzna son for all teams. Two extra win the East. The Boston Red teams in the playoffs means Sox have a lot to prove as they Krvsta Worthen Assista",,t Sports Editor but Central Connecticut would that more and more fanbases try to make the playoffs after a Staff Writer score again making the score April is right around the cor­ will be believers and more and late-season collapse led them On a rainy Saturday afternoon 8-2. With a now six-goal deficit, ner, which could only mean one more franchises will need to watching the playoffs from the Saint Mary's faced Central Con­ Mahony scored just minutes af­ thing: baseball is finally here. determine early on if they are comfort of their own homes. necticut State at home, but even~ ter the Blue Devils, which start­ On Wednesday March 28, the "buyers" (teams that think they The Giants and the Diamond­ after a second-half rally, ·the ed a 6-1 run for the Gaels. Krista Seattle Mariners and the Oak­ can make the playoffs and will backs will once again square off Gaels fell to the Blue Devils 10- Morgan and Minarovich would land Athletics will face off in look to t~ade young players for for the National League West 8. each score one a piece, Mahony Tokyo, Japan to kick off the a star) at the trade deadline or crown as none of the other The Gaels won the first draw scored again for her third goal 2012 Major League Baseball "sellers" (those who are not in three teams have the pitching control with Jillian Chong hav­ of the game and Allie DeBruhl Season. The San Francisco Gi­ contention and are willing to depth to compete with the two ing possession, but after a turn­ scored two, which brought the ants will open their season on trade stars for prospects). More teams. The National Central is over, the Blue Devils were able to score to 9-8 with just over 5 min­ April 6 in Arizona against the and more teams believe that . considerable weaker with Al­ score within the first two minutes utes left to play. The Gaels were defending NL West Champions. they can get into the playoffs, bert Pujols and Prince Fielder if the game. After turnovers from . still working hard offensively to The Giants. were the team the and once they get there, any­ leaving the division, and should both teams, Rachel Minarovich try and tie the game, but with Diamondbacks beat to clinch thing could happen. only have the St. Louis Car­ picked up a ground ball, and got 1: 16 left the Blue Devils scored the division and remember the The Angels signing Albert dinals make the playoffs. The it to Mariah Walk who passed it again, which would be the final feeling they had watching their Pujols and C.J. Wilson and the National League East will be for an assist to Caroline Mahony goal of the game, putting the fi­ opponents celebrate the title. It Rangers responding by signing one of the most competitive who scored to tie the game 1-1. nal score at 10-8. has been motivating Tim Lince­ Japanese star pitcher Yu Dar­ divisions in baseball, as all five The Blue Devils then went on a Saint Mary's outshot Central cum all spring long. vish gives the American League teams have playoff dreams. The 4-0 run to take a 5-1 lead with Connecticut 14-8 in the second While the Giants will focus West two teams that could be Marlins will open a new sta­ 16:41 remaining in the half. Both half, and also lead the Blue Dev­ on getting. back into the play­ threats in the playoffs. The Ti­ dium in Miami and have added teams would cause turnovers and ils in draw control for the game, offs, the A:s will look to find gers signing perennial all-star All-Stars Jose Reyes, Heath have missed shots after this, with 14-6. Goalkeeper Kathleen their stars of the future. After Prince Fielder makes them the Bell, and Mark Buerhle to their the Gaels battling to cut the defi­ Worsdale had four saves for the trading key components of their unanimous favorite to repeat as roster. The Nationals have cit, until Amanda Cross scored day. pitching staff, the Athletics re­ the AL Central Champions. If picked up Edwin Jackson and with 10:21 left to make it 5-2. The loss puts the team at 2-8 stocked their farm system in the resurgence of the Baltimore traded for Gio Gonzales who Unfortunately, the Blue Devils overall, and they will return hopes of being successful in two Orioles late in the year is any are upgrades on their pitching would expand their lead again to to MPSF action for their next to three years, whe_n (hopefully) sign, the AL East will be .one of staff. The Phillies, despite los­ finish up the half 7-2. game when they face the San they will have a new ballpark to the most competitive divisions ing Roy Oswalt, still are the Just like in the first half, the Diego State Aztecs at home on play in. Despite the losses, the in all of baseball. Behind power team to beat. The Braves have Gaels won the first draw control, Friday, April 13 at 4 p.m. A's could easily finish third in hitter Jose Bautista and up-and­ young pitchers and hitters as the AL West behind their ace . coming third baseman Brett they look to make it ba.cl.< to the Brandon McCarthy, who is one Lawrie, the Blue Jays could eas­ playoffs after (like the Red Sox) PLAYER OF THE WEEK of the best groundball pitchers ily snag one of the wild cards. going through a late-season col­ in the major leagues and who They will have to fight off the lapse that left them out. finished third in the Ameri­ Rays of Tampa Bay who return All in all, this will be a great Martin Agosta can League last year with 14.6 one of the best pitching staffs in season. Playoff predictions: pitches per inning. the game. The Yankees added Yankees, Rays, Tigers, Rang­ Baseball With an addition of a second Hiroki Kuroda and Michael ers, Angels, Phillies, Nation­ wild-card team to each league, Pineda to bolster their pitching als, Cardinals, Giants, Dia­ this will be an interesting sea- and are the early favorites to mondbacks. Martin Agosta WTEN: Two ranked opponents left on schedule -threw his first com­ continued from page 8 plete game, allowing Isip has been on a run as welL USC, Catherine gives the Gaels teams in the conference. Saint no earned runs and Even though she fell from her a strong doubles player as well. Mary's will travel to Pepperdine 82 preseason ranking, Isip gives With the way Saint Mary's on April 5 before facing Santa just three hits. He the Gaels a formidable one­ ha.s been playing of late, there Clara at the Timoth Korth Ten­ two punch at the . top of the is no indication that they will nis Complex ten days later. The ·struck out six while singles lineup. · And after earn­ be defeated in conference play. season concludes with the West .walking none. ing a point for Saint Mary's in They are the highest ranked Coast Conference ·Champion­ the NCAA tournament when team in league, with only Pep­ ships at · San Diego between she and Diana Bukajeva upset perdine ( 45) and Santa Clara April 25 and April 28. a doubles team from No. 18 74) bein the other ranked 'Qrbe q[ollegian PORTS Tuesday, March 27, 2012 Go Gaels! Surprise Gaels look ahead to league play attention for Saint Mary's ace Martin Agosta leads Gaels to doubleheader split NFL in March

bV Brandon ouraa Contributing Writer It was a crazy week in the Na­ tional Football League, with star players moving teams and coach­ es being suspended. It's the off­ season in the NFL but the most popular league in the United States is still making headlines. Future Hall of Farner Peyton­ Manning signed with the Denver Broncos, America's sweetheart Tim Tebow was traded to the New York Jets, and Sean Peyton, head coach of the New Orleans Saints, was suspended for the en­ tire 2012 season. Crazy doesn't begin to de­ scribe the past year in the life of Payton Manning, former Su­ per Bowl MVP and 11-time Pro Bowler. A year ago Manning had neck surgery to repair a bulging disc in his neck. A month later, the Indianapolis Colts placed a franchise tag on Manning and signed him to a five-year deal. He missed the season opener in September and was forced to undergo a supplemental neck fu­ sion surgery. Manning ended up missing the entire 2011 season Patrick Wisdom bats against Cal State Northridge in the first game of their double-header. and was ultimately released by the Colts earlier this month. bv Simon Trvzna son he has led the Gaels to their . Patrick Wisdom. Donald Col- rain that has hit the Bay Area, After weeks of speculation first conference win over Brigham lins would add another run when Saint Mary's has been forced to Assistant Sports Editor about- where Manning would Young, and later an upset win he beat out an infield single that shift their schedule around, in­ sign following his release, the fi­ Behind the strong arm of over Oregon State. On Sunday, scored Chris Murphy. cluding playing double headers nal list of suitors was reduced to Martin Agosta, the Gaels find he had his best start of the ·year While the Gaels have succeed­ on back-to-back Sundays, which the Titans, the Broncos and the themselves in great position after against Cal State Northridge, ed behind Martin Agosta (4-0), they split. nearby San Francisco 49ers. Last good showings in non-conference pitching a complete game while their overall 14-8 record is blem- The problems with Saint Tuesday, Manning signed with games. While Saint Mary's still allowing only one unearned run ished from losing four out of five Mary's lie with the offense; there the Denver Broncos for 5 years has a few non-conference games on just three hits. The Gaels got games during one stretch in late have been games where the of­ and $95 million after a 13 year left, including a four-game series out to an early start after an RBI February - early March. How­ fense cannot produce with run­ career in Indianapolis, sending at Hawaii, the Gaels will begin from Patrick Wisdom knocked in ever, the Gaels have been win­ ners on base. In the first game shockwaves through the NFL. the heart of their West Coast Troy Channing in the first inning. ning games as of late. They won of the double header against Cal Former starting quarterback Conference when they travel • After the Matadors scored an un­ two of three at San Diego State, State Northridge, the Gaels got ·for the Broncos, Tim Tebow, was to Los Angeles to face Loyola earned run in the top of the fifth which is always a tough team to eight hits yet only scored two left in limbo after Denver signed Marymount. inning on a suicide squeeze, the play, and continued that success runs, while the Matadors scored Manning. Tebow led the Broncos Throughout this season, junior Gaels regained the lead for good going 4-2 in games against Utah three runs on just three hits. to the second round of the 2011- pitcher Martin Agosta has been in the bottom of the sixth when Valley, UC Davis, and Cal State BASE, p7 2012 NFL Playoffs and captured as good as advertised. This sea- catcher Riley Heinzer drove in Northridge. Due to a plague of the hearts of sports fans across the nation. On Wednesday, the day after Manning signed with Saint Mary's women's tennis on roll the Broncos, it was announced that Tebow was being shipped Lady Gaels look poised to win West Coast Conference from Denver to New York in USF, UP, Sacramento State, exchange for future draft picks. bv Simon Trvzna and Gonzaga. Their hot start Tebow is now the backup to has them ranked thirty-third in starting QB Mark Sanchez for Assistant Sports Editor the nation and leading the West the Jets and the sports world will Coast Conference. After making the 2011 wait and see if there will be a Saint Mary's is led by soph­ NCAA Tournament, the Lady quarterback controversy in New Gaels women's tennis team has omore Jenny Jullien, who is York. ranked 88th in the country, carried last year's success to Last Wednesday, just as news this year. After upsetting #25 and junior Catherine Isip. They was breaking on the Tebow-Jets Oklahoma to start off the year, not only dominate singles, but deal, it was announced that the Saint Mary's has played well, dominate doubles as well. Jul­ head coach of the New Orleans lien teams up with fellow soph­ going 9-5, losing all matches to Saints, Sean Peyton, was sus­ ranked teams. Their win over omore Jade Frampton while pended without pay for the en­ the Sooners was the first time in Isip plays with senior Anna tire 2012 season. Peyton, just program history that the Gaels Chkhikvishvilli. Jenny Jullien two years removed from win­ have defeated a top twenty-five has been a bright spot for the ning Super Bowl XLIV, was sus­ opponent. Their only upsets Gaels, being named the West pended for his involvement in a were when the Gaels climbed Coast Conference Singles Play­ Saints bounty program where to twentieth in the nation be­ er of the Month for February, defensive players were offered fore losing two close matches after winning four matches and monetary incentives to injure at Arizona State (27) and at dropping only two - both to and knock opposing players out Arizona (29). After their loss to ranked opponents. of games. Also, former defensive Arizona, the Gaels have been Not to be outdone, Catherine . coordinator of the Saints, Gregg on a tear, going 27-1 against WTEN,p7 Courtesy of smcgaels.com Jenny Jullien has been leading the Gaels in singles play this year. NFL, p7

( Tuesday, April r, ion 9

The Collegian NEWZ SMC Cribs: A tour of the catacombs Fluff piece

bV St11hen1e M11er Resident One-Eyed Eli gives us an exclusive tour of his home Author

bv Poeda Denver into a well-hidden annex. This laundry rooms and steal them. leads a lonely life down here in Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Dog Whisperer is his one room, underground Kids think it's the machines, ain't the damp and dark catacombs, Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. and hidden from the prying that funny?" Besides his affinity but Double E says it is the hotspot Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Walking into One-Eyed Eli's eyes of drunk kids. The floor is for socks, Double E's crib also for nightlife. And by nightlife, Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. happening crib, you are instantly covered by old blankets and pil­ works as his personal music stu­ he means raccoons, opossums, Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. overcome by images of ancient lows found around campus. In dio. Lined up along one the walls and the feral cats. This would Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. history, gothic decorum, and one corner is a pile of socks that are his instruments - a fiddle, a probably explain the stacks of Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. mold. One-Eyed Eli, Double E almost reaches the low, dripping harmonica, and a jug. "I can play Fancy Feast lined along another Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. to his fellow homeless friends, ceiling. "I like socks," explains a mean 'Poker Face' on my jug," wall, yet somehow you get the Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. has made the Saint Mary's feeling that it Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. catacombs his home for isn't just the fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. over a decade, lurking in animals that Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. the shadows and occasion­ are enjoy­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. ally scaring ~hose brave ing canned Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. enough to venture into his "Gravy Lov­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. unique bachelor pad. ers Chicken Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Double E, who is a Feast." Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. bearded and pretty smelly One-Eyed Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. guy, squints closely and Eli says that Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. speaks in a gruff voice as he is not plan­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. he explains how he came ning on mov­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. to live in the catacombs: ing out to a Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. "Well, I was president of less disease­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. this fine institution many ridden and so­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. years ago, back when it was cially accept­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. just us men. Anyway, got able home. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. into a bit of an altercation "This is my Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. with the US government, home now," Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. you know how that is. One he says ear­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. thing led to another and nestly as the Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. I decided that I couldn't lights flicker Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. leave this beautiful place and a raccoon Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. I called my home, so I climbs out of Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. moved down here." the pile of Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Down narrow alleys and past Double E as he relaxes in his nest Double E boasts. socks, "I belong here on campus. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. steaming pipes, Double E slips of blankets, "I sneak into the It might seem like this man I'm gonna die here." Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Guest review: Twilight romance reigns supreme Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. In wake of Hunger Games premiere, Twi I ight deserves rememberance Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. some - who cares what those haters Cullen. Girls, if you don't meet eyes I just don't know, guys. I just · Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. McB11ald llV nna111 Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. 8th Grader say. So in honor of rediscovering my with a boy while stuffing food in have so many feelings about these old costume, I have decided to do your mouth, then it's not true love. ·movies. Those haters can't deny Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. OMG, guys, everyone is freaking a quick review of why the Twilight The greatest thing about these mov­ that these movies are so good and Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. out about The Hunger Games, and I series is the greatest thing to grace ies is that everyone is good looking. soooo real. Before Twilight I was Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. totally understand - Peeta? Gale? the planet since Robert Pattinson Even the girls are good looking, and just a normal girl, but now I am girl Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. They're sooooo hot. But while I was decided to stop washing his hair it is okay to admit that. who knows what true love is - it Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. trying to light myself on fire for my (he's soooo dreamy). Plus, how can you even hate these sparkles and drinks the blood from Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. movie debut costume (which didn't Twilight is a movie series that movies with the great acting done by deer. OMG, how cool is that? I can't Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. work, by the way - never light your­ appeals to every girl, because deep the cast? Kristen Stewart shows so wait until I'm in high school and can Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. self on fire), I came across another down we all want to be stared in­ much emotion in every scene that ditch my family and move to Forks Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. costume from a famous movie pre­ tensely at by a sparkling vampire I had to bring two boxes of tissues like Bella (did you know that's a real Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. miere months ago. Yes, it was my and obsessed over by a werewolf. I to even get through the first movie. place?!). Like, seriously. Anyway, Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. "pregnant Bella" costume from .the loved the books, but when I watched OMG, like, I pretty much decided I hope everyone enjoys watching Fluff. Fluff. Fluff: Fluff. Fluff. Breaking Dawn premiere, complete the first movie in theaters, it made that" Bella Swan was my spirit ani­ The Hunger Games. But while you Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. with fake bruise makeup so it could it all more real to me. Like, OMG, mal. And Robert Pattinson? Like, sit there squealing as Katniss gets it Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. look like I had a demon baby kicking forget Kristen Stewart - I felt like I seriously amazing. Like, who even on with Peeta in a cave, remember Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. my spleen all the time. People think was Bella Swan. I was her the very cares about Colleen Forth or what­ the best ever love that was shown on Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. I'm obsessed, but I'm only thirteen first moment she looked across the ever his name is - he has nothing the big screen. Remember Bella and Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. and the Twilight series is, like, awe- cafeteria to meet the eyes of Edward on this guy. Edward. Guys, remember Twilight. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. CONDOM MAN: Mysterious figure fights for safe sex on campus Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. continued from page 001 Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. single man, a vigilante whose ing in a car even reported that he identity remams urikriown, they But things have recently taken Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. mission is to save Saint Mary's opened the door and threw some are determined to track him down. a turn for the worse for Condom Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. students from STDs and babies at them. No location is safe. They have set numerous traps in Man; a self-proclaimed "arch­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. one condom at a time. Overall, the student response order to catch him in the act, but nemesis" has recently come for­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. The man has been named "Con­ has been positive towards their he has been able to elude them all ward. He has been dubbed by Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. dom Man" by the students, and odd superhero. "It's pretty cool thus far. With the failure of these students as "The Safety Pinner," Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. wears a unitard, cape, and mask actually," said one student who measures, the school has resorted because of his tendency to show Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. to protect his identity. He is known wishes to remain anonymous, to tracking students known to be up right after one of Condom Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. to run into crowded locations on "The school refuses to give out advocates of safe sex. Man's condom bombings and Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. campus and throw a cornucopia condoms, and this way I don't However, in a letter sent to the thread all of the loose condoms Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. of condoms into the air while have to pay for them. For the first Collegian's office, Condom Man through safety pins. He is de­ Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. yelling, "Condoms ahoy!" He tirne in years I'm sure that I'm not has said that the College's efforts scribed as wearing a mask around Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. then disappears into the chaos as getting my girlfriend pregnant." will not deter him. He said, "I will his eyes, a cape, a sweater vest, Fluff. Fluff. Fluff. The end. students rush to pick up the fallen The school's administration is not stop until every student has ac, and looking "vaguely like Rick contraceptives. These acts, dubbed a different story though, and has cess to the protection they deserve, Santorum." "condom bombings" by students, vowed to stop the masked menace. so they can stop being fools and The fight for safe sex is not have happened all over campus: They have issued an official state­ can wrap their tools. Students need easy, and though he h.as many ·Merrv APril Fool's! Oliver Hall, the library, even a ment condemning Condom Man's to become more conscious of the opponents to his work, Condom basketball game. One couple neck- actions, and while the vigilante's need for safe sex." Man battles on. It's April Fools Day, Fools! SPORTS Tuesday, April 1, 3oxi Go Galaxy! Gaels plan to move to Madigan Gym Men's basketball team aims to perfect home results with shift to smaller venue

bJ lzamat B11atav Sports Star

On April 1, 2012, Saint Mary's College Athletic Department is set to hold a press conference to officially announce that the men's baskerball team will play all of its home games in Madigan Gym. What has been just a rumor on the internet for a while will finally be revealed. Saint Mary's is one of five teams to have won at least twenty five games a year in the last five years. While players have come and left, the reason for sustained success has been because of the Gaels playing in

llV Sela llRI been established, I could go on with of ho~ dogs and buns eaten per min­ Professional Amateur my training," said West. One of his ute, the junior Gael haS begun to keep On July 4th, 2012, almost goals is to crack 6.50 Hot Dogs and track of both his bites per minute and two million viewers will tune Buns eaten per minute. Only once sips (of water) per minute. West is in to ESPN to witness history. has that mark been topped: Chestnut also able to combine the two metrics Since 1916, there has been a hit 6.80 while setting the world record to form bites per sip, dividing BPM hot-dog eating contest at Na­ in 2009. by SPM. The higher the ratio is, the than's Famous Hot-Dog Stand Like it is with any other sport, one more hot dogs one is able to eat. at Coney Island, New York, and succeeds with lots of practice. A typi­ In his effort to overtake Chestnut, for the first time ever, a Saint cal practice for West starts out with a West will also be getting help from an Mary's alum will participate. five minute jaw and hand warm up unexpected source. While visiting the In an event that has featured a before eating into his sets. University of Oregon the week after strong rivalry between Takeru "At the beginning, I'd only eat January Term, West got an endorse­ Kobayashi of Japan and local hot dogs in sets of about one to one ment deal with Nike. boy Joey Chestnut of San Jose, and half minutes. Now, I've worked "They saw my youth and energy former Editor-in-Chief of The myself into the eight minute mark," and they felt that I would be the Collegian Bryant West will try he says. , perfect person to wear the legendary to break up the dominance of the When he is not practicing his sets, brand that is Nike," said West. duo and try to engrave his name West likes to review his sets by watch­ It is rumored that Nike is currently in competitive-eating history. ing film of his practice. "I like to be in works of producing a hot dog eat­ West recently won a qualifying very precise as every second counts. ing suit that will help the contestant event in San Francisco and will Watching different practices, I see avoid wind resistance during the con­ take his eating prowess to New what positioning of the water bottle test and will aid the passage of food York City. works, where I want my hot dogs to through the esophagus. Early designs With success comes hard be. Recently, I've set up different cam­ show that the material will cover the work. West understands this and era angles in an attempt to determine mouth and the jaw in addition to h