Transcript

Together in Harmony: A Celebration of the Resiliency of the Human Spirit

Marc Baker: Erev tov. Good evening everybody and welcome to this incredible event. It is so special to be here with all of you from here in Boston and around the country for what promises to be an incredibly special evening and a really powerful way to kick off Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month. My name is Marc Baker; I’m the President and CEO of Combined Jewish Philanthropies.

I just want to note, for those of you that aren't here in Boston, that this is a virtual silver lining. Were this event supposed to be live it would have been canceled tonight because of the snow. So, we are thrilled that the show will go on.

I want to first to welcome all of you and give a special thank you to our special guests tonight, the Artson family, Neshama Carlebach, Rabbi Menachem Creditor, all of whom I will introduce a little bit more in a few minutes. I want to thank the Rabbinical Assembly for co-sponsoring this evening with us, with Combined Jewish Philanthropies and the Ruderman Synagogue Inclusion [Project].

I also want to give a special thank you to my colleagues at CJP for all the work that went into this event tonight. A special thank you and shout out to Molly Silver, for your dedicated leadership of RSIP, the Ruderman Synagogue Inclusion Project. And a special thank you, of course, to the Rudermans - Jay, Shira, and Sharon - and the Ruderman Family Foundation for leading the way and for really helping to transform our Jewish community here in Boston, in Israel and around the world. I don't think it's an overstatement to say we wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for your partnership, your leadership, and your vision.

So, this just feels like an incredibly powerful way for CJP and RSIP to kick off Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month. And then for those that aren't aware, this month is an effort across Jewish organizations worldwide to raise awareness and foster acceptance and inclusion of people with disabilities and mental health conditions and all those who love them.

This month is really a call to action for all of us, calling us to act in accordance with our Jewish values, with our human ethics. To honor the gifts and the strengths that every one of us possess. It really is a worldwide effort to raise awareness and to champion the rights of all Jews, to be accepted and included in all aspects of Jewish life.

And I have to say I think it's particularly powerful that we're having this program in the week preceding the Torah portion of Yitro, when we will read about the revelation at Mount Sinai. Because, for me, when I think about an image of community, I think about the Israelites surrounding Mount Sinai, waiting for the moment to be transformed into a holy nation by receiving the Torah. And there are so many powerful midrashim, rabbinic commentaries, about the nature of that community. One of them says that when the Israelites camped at Mount Sinai, they were like one people with one heart, a sense of radical unity and oneness.

And then you have other midrashim that talk about the fact that when God spoke every single individual heard the word of God in exactly the way that they needed to hear it, according to each of their abilities. It's as if this is a moment of both radical unity but also radical diversity and, for me, when you add those two up what you get is radical inclusion.

That to me is the vision and the spirit of the kind of community that we aspire to create as a Jewish people. And I would say that this is a community where everyone, everyone's dignity is honored, where everyone has a place and where every voice is heard. And in that spirit, I just want to say I love the title of this event - Together in Harmony.

Harmony is such a powerful metaphor for what it means to be aware, accepting, and inclusive of the human beings, the experiences, and the voices around us. Because harmony isn't everyone singing on the same note. Harmony is making space for different notes to come together and to really create a powerful, beautiful chorus.

And we need harmony so badly right now. Not only as a metaphor for including so many people who haven't yet found their place in our community, are always felt fully welcome, but because our world, as a whole, is filled with too much dissonance.

I mean, I think if we can create a community and communities where truly we are together in harmony, where every voice is welcome and we learned how to build connections and to be in relationships with one another, not in spite of our differences, but in celebration of them, we really can create a symphony.

And the work that we do as families, as communities, as a Jewish people will radiate out into our society, our democracy and a world that needs us so badly tonight. That's my intention for us as we celebrate this program tonight and as we kick off this really important month.

With that I'd like to introduce Sharon Shapiro, after which I'll introduce our speakers.

Sharon Shapiro: Thank you, Marc.

Good evening, on behalf of the Ruderman Family Foundation, I am delighted to welcome all of you to this evening’s program, “Together in Harmony: A Celebration of the Resiliency of the Human Spirit”. Tonight’s program is part of RSIP’s month long programming celebrating Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month.

Two decades ago, our Foundation set forth to advocate and support the full inclusion of people with disabilities in all spheres of life. Almost twenty years later, we are proud to witness the ways in which our efforts fostered a more inclusive society in the greater Boston Jewish community.

Our duty to address this issue was based on a significant need that remains among our institutions, communities, and congregations. We are proud of the Ruderman Synagogue Inclusion Project which became the leading platform for inclusion in our community.

My family and our foundation believe that when we embrace inclusion, show tolerance, and offer a diverse mindset, we thrive as a society. We are living in difficult times. That is why tonight we will focus on resilience and growth in an inclusive Jewish world faced with the strains and impact of the pandemic. As we still find ourselves in the challenging time of COVID-19, I continue to be impressed by the number of synagogues, Rabbis, and congregants who work tirelessly to engage and include every member of their congregation.

I want to personally thank Molly Silver, the Manager of the Ruderman Synagogue Inclusion Project. She has brought innovation and dedication to our work. Thank you to Rabbi Marc Baker, CJP’s President and CEO, and to tonight’s speakers, Rabbi Dr. Bradley Shavit Artson, Elana Artson, Jacob Artson, Neshama Carlebach, and Rabbi Menachem Creditor for being here this evening and sharing your work and creation.

And now it is my pleasure to turn the program back over to Marc Baker.

Marc Baker: Thank you so much, Sharon again, and thank you to your entire family. And with that I'm going to introduce and just share a few words about each of our guest speakers. And as you heard, we have an amazing, amazing lineup tonight so hang tight, while I introduce each of them and they'll come on the screen.

Rabbi Dr Bradley Shavit Artson holds the Abner and Roslyn Goldstine Dean’s Chair of the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies and is Vice President of American Jewish University in Los Angeles. Rabbi Artson has long been a passionate advocate for social justice, human dignity, diversity and inclusion. And as someone who has sat in his classes and read his books, he is a person who has an incredibly gifted way of bringing the timeless voice of Jewish wisdom to the most pressing issues of today. Rabbi Artson is inspired by his son Jacob’s resilient goodness and supports Jacob’s advocacy for human dignity and inclusion for all.

Elana Shavit Artson passionately believes that every person has the right to communicate and has been privileged to support Jacob as he advocates for the dignity and inclusion of all people in Jewish spiritual communities. In addition to being Jacob’s mom and one of his communication partners, she's also a federal prosecutor specializing in criminal appeals.

Jacob Artson is devoting his life to inclusion for all. He believes that everyone has the right to communicate, to dignity and to community, and to live a life of meaning. In his struggle with autism and independence, he hopes to inspire others as they inspire him. Jacob, we know you're going to inspire us tonight.

Neshama Carlebach is an award-winning singer, songwriter, and educator who has performed and taught in cities around the world. A six-time entrant in the Grammy Awards and winner and four-time Independent Music Awards nominee for her most current release, Believe. Neshama has sold over one million records making her one of today's best-selling Jewish artists in the world.

But I'd say, more importantly, for those of us who spent many an erev shabbat listening to Neshama’s music, she has a way of bringing the voice of Jewish soul right into your homes and connecting from her soul to ours.

And Rabbi Menachem Creditor serves as the Pearl and Ira Meyer Scholar-in-Residence at UJA- Federation New York and was the founder of Rabbis Against Gun Violence. He's a frequent speaker in communities and campuses around the United States and Israel. He's got over 1 million views of his online videos and essays and was named by Newsweek as one of the 50 most influential rabbis in America.

But I have to say that I know him as my friend and havruta, my learning partner, from when he was a rabbi here in Boston. And Rabbi Creditor, wherever you live you’re forever part of the Boston family. So welcome back tonight and welcome to all of you. We're looking forward to a great program. I'll turn it over to you.

Elana and Jacob Artson: So, Jacob prepared his presentation and he asked me if I would read it for him. So here we go.

“My name is Jacob Artson and I am a person just like you. I am part of a wonderful Jewish family, I vote, I like playing sports and I listen to NPR. The only difference between us is that I communicate by typing and most of you communicate by speaking.

Although our topic is synagogue inclusion for people with disabilities, I want to propose that including people with disabilities in faith communities really isn’t about disability at all. In my experience, inclusion is really a mindset that each person has dignity and value no matter who they are.

In order to include people with disabilities, we have to make our communities places that welcome people of all backgrounds, whatever their gender or race or ethnicity or age or religious background or place of origin or whether they may be single or in a relationship. If we can welcome people who may be in addiction treatment or had prior gang involvement or whose political views are different from ours, and people just struggling with all of the many challenges that life presents, then our communities will be places that welcome people with disabilities too. I think in the end all human beings want the same thing – we want a place we feel we can belong.

I am very blessed to be part of such a community and I want to share with you some of the ideas that you can take from them. First, let me start with a text that frames the discussion.

In the book of Numbers, God instructs Moses on the first anniversary of the Exodus about the Passover sacrifice. God directs that the sacrifice be offered on the 14th day of the month in a specific manner. On the appointed day, however, a group of men approaches Moses with a problem. They were ritually impure by virtue of having come in contact with a corpse and thus could not offer a sacrifice. Why, these men inquire of Moses, should they be separated from the community and deprived of making the sacrifice with everyone else? Moses seeks guidance from God who instructs Moses that everyone who is unable to offer the sacrifice on the originally scheduled date may offer it one month later, on the 14th day of the following month. This Pesach Sheni, as it is called, has exactly the same effect as the original sacrifice.

Pesach Sheni is a perfect metaphor for diversity. Moses could have responded by strictly enforcing God’s rule and telling the men they were out of luck if they couldn’t comply. But the measure of Moses’ greatness as a leader is that Moses saw it as his job to ensure that no one was excluded from the community simply because, through no fault of their own, they could not participate in exactly the same way as everyone else. Moses knew that could not possibly be God’s plan.

Several years ago, my family joined a synagogue called Ikar that has made me feel like a person, not a person with autism. My first experience there was being invited to be a scholar-in-residence and speak about inclusion. I was actually too scared at first to go in and read my speech, so the rabbi read it while I calmed down. By the time she finished reading I could see that everyone was truly listening, so I was able to get in front of the group and have a discussion about what it was like to feel excluded. They were so welcoming that our family joined the synagogue. I think it really helped that the community met me in that context because that made it possible to see past all my strange movement issues and see me as smart and spiritual. This idea is engrained in Ikar – they work very hard to find out what each person’s strength is and find a way to put it in front of the community. Whatever contribution someone has made as a volunteer is announced in front of the whole congregation during the weekly services so everyone at some time has a chance to shine.

In high school I attended the teen Bible study and one of the things that really helped me be part of the class was having a lot of study in small groups. This made it possible for me to tell my study partner my idea and have him or her share it. In addition, the teachers smiled at me and noticed my efforts to participate so that really helped me feel welcome. Finally, I appreciated that no one introduced me as a person with autism and let me raise it in my own way.

These same ideas are true for adult congregants too. There are many occasions during services or lunch afterwards when the rabbis pass out a text and ask us to turn to a person next to us that we don’t know to discuss it for 5 minutes. This has helped me engage with many different people so that when they see me on another occasion, they can smile at me instead of being put off by my unusual behavior.

Another way Ikar helped support me is through a photography project. They chose about 20 different congregants and had someone take a picture of us. Then we each wrote a short paragraph about ourselves and they put the picture and paragraph up on posters in the lobby. They also put the pictures and a word describing each person on the website.

A third project I participated in was a reflection book for the high holidays. Each year the rabbis pick a theme and ask everyone to submit a reflection on the theme. My submission was collected in the book with everyone else’s and later people came up to me to discuss it. I also love that I was asked to submit a little statement about why I love the synagogue for the annual fundraiser.

As you can see, these ideas are not unique to including people with disabilities. I think because of that they have made me feel like a regular person instead of trying to include me by first labeling me as a person with autism. There is no committee at Ikar for including people with disabilities – it is a committee of the whole.

My favorite thing of all about Ikar is that they celebrate the way I dance to pray. My body is incredibly disconnected from how I would like it to move, so prayer is the only time my body, brain and heart all feel connected. And when I feel moved to pray, I often dance around the whole room skipping and smiling. And when I do I see people from every section of the congregation smiling back!! I think one of the blessings of having autism is not having boundaries in the way most people do. Yes, I have to work very hard to be appropriate, but I also think that I am truly free to express joy and spiritual connection in a way that frees others to do the same.

So, what I want to leave you with is the idea that including people like me isn’t about autism. It is about making synagogues places that actually believe all of us are made in God’s image, and then look for the part of God hidden in that individual that God is waiting for all of us to see.”

Menachem Creditor: Jacob, I just wanted to say before we even begin the part of this that that I get to ask you questions; the deep honor that I have as your friend - to hear your wisdom and to ask questions from my own heart.

I want to say that the technology itself just now modeled exactly what you've been saying. Some of the moments were cutting in and out, glitchy. I mean that's what Zoom does; this very bizarre moment that we've been in. So, what a magnificent moment it is to see that we have to strain to hear each other because what I see and what I hear is only part of the story. For us to be able to truly lean into that.

And with gratitude to the Ruderman Foundation and family and to our friends at CJP it is such an incredible gift to be able to think bigger than we have before. So, I wanted to say how honored I am to

be in conversation with you. And Elana just nice to see you and to know that we are both students and friends and partners in the work.

Elana and Jacob Artson: Jacob types ‘Thank you’.

Menachem Creditor: You are so welcome my friend.

Elana and Jacob Artson: And before you ask your questions, I just want to say that Jacob typed a little introduction saying “Menachem I want to start by saying these are such great questions. Usually, when I give a presentation, I only get asked questions about autism. Thank you for asking questions about all of us.”

Menachem Creditor: You are welcome. I've got questions about myself too, maybe you can help me find them.

Elana and Jacob Artson: Okay, go ahead.

Menachem Creditor: Okay. So Jacob, you said that, and this is, these are your words: “If we can welcome people who may be in addiction treatment or had prior gang involvement or whose political views are different from ours, and people struggling with all of the many challenges that life presents, then our communities will be places that welcome people with disabilities too.” Those are your words, so here's my question.

I love what you’re saying; but we’re in a moment where it can feel easier to talk about inclusion around issues like people with disabilities than it is to talk about people with differing political opinions, especially in America today. So, what do you think our communities about political inclusion, what can we learn about political inclusion using the wisdom of synagogue inclusion?

Elana and Jacob Artson: I think that we in the Jewish community are very good at putting people in boxes and not seeing them as whole people or even seeing people in multiple boxes. I look very different in person than I am in writing. We are fond of saying everyone is made in Gods image but I’m not sure we actually believe it, because it seems we don’t try hard to find the part of God hidden in each person.

Menachem Creditor: I just want to let that in. Yeah. Yeah.

So, you use language from tradition. You really weave in a lot of Jewish literature, Jacob, into the way that you, you think about these things. You frame the issue of synagogue inclusion using the idea of Pesach Sheni, the second Pesach. If you miss the first one, you can make it up.

So, you say that “…the measure of our greatness as leaders is that we see it as our job to ensure that no one is excluded from the community simply because, through no fault of their own, they cannot participate in exactly the same way as everyone else.” That's gorgeous.

And the challenge is one I know we recognize, especially, you know, we’re here tonight, we are a self- select group dedicated to this very concept of transforming our community to be truly inclusive.

But one of the, one of the questions I have is, is there a danger using the framework of Pesach Sheni, a rescheduled Pesach? Because those who observe Pesach, Passover in a “Sheni way”, a rescheduled way, they won't be visible to those of us who observed in a “Rishon” way; in the first scheduled way.

So, I’m wondering, is that important? Is it important to see each other? Is this something that we can explore together?

Elana and Jacob Artson: And Jacob responded, “Yes, I only was using Pesach Sheni as an example to say we don’t have to have only the status quo way of doing things. We can have multiple ways for everyone. Here’s an example: I pray enthusiastically and move and clap a lot. Years ago, at my twin cousins’ b’nei mitzvah, I sat with their Jewish studies teacher. Her kids asked why I was allowed to dance and clap during the service. So, the mom explained that I have autism and showed them some of my writings. But I think she missed the point of the question. I think the kids were asking whether they could dance and clap too.

I have actually had many experiences of not being seen. Ironically many of them happened in programs for people with special needs. There were so many times my parents were told that I was too disabled for the special needs programs. I think you are right that it is hard to view different ways of doing things as equal but that is just a matter of being thoughtful about creating lots of different entry points for everyone.”

Menachem Creditor: Thank you for that.

You know, you communicate through typing, like you said Jacob. And sometimes, like now, someone else is reading your words. So, you mentioned that that was your experience when you were the Scholar-in-Residence, the first Scholar-in-Residence, if I remember correctly at Ikar, where someone else read your words. And I'm wondering what does it feel like for you, when your voice is heard and how does it feel when someone else's voice expresses your thoughts?

Elana and Jacob Artson: Jacob wrote, “I know that many typers use programs with voice output and I have an app on my iPad for voice output. But I like having a live person read my presentations because I like the emotion in the human voice.”

Menachem Creditor: I agree a lot. Alright, so confession from me. I'm really not comfortable dancing. My wife is in the other room; off screen at the moment, but she can confirm that. I've always wanted to feel a little bit more comfortable in my body when I pray, but I'm not sure how. That's just not how I know how to express myself.

You said prayer is the only time that your body, brain, and heart all feel connected. And I'm wondering, can you describe what prayer feels like for you? What is it like to have your body, brain, and heart connected?

Elana and Jacob Artson: Jacob wrote: “When I am praying, I am totally free. I am not stuck in my autistic body and all of its motor challenges. Most of the time, I am working so hard to keep my body regulated that I can’t fully focus on anything else. But when I pray, I allow myself to fully focus on my spiritual experience and instead of controlling my body I let it follow my heart and mind.”

Menachem Creditor: I read your response earlier today and I've been trying to pray like that all day. It's not coming easy to me, but I appreciate you sharing the guidance Jacob. I only have one more question, but I actually have so many more questions, just one more for now.

You know you challenged us by saying only sometimes do we actually put the effort in the image of God in somebody else. And I think that's the core Jewish value behind this whole notion of synagogue inclusion, you know, inclusion in general.

So, you called us to “look for the part of God hidden in that individual that God is waiting for all of us to see,” and you described your experience of prayer. So, dear friend, I have one final question. When you are dancing in prayer, how do you describe the God you're dancing with?

Elana and Jacob Artson: Yes, when I pray, I am dancing with God. I have to move to pay attention so the God I am dancing with can see joy and gratitude and everything else I am feeling but can’t find any other way to express.

Menachem Creditor: I know that I'm not alone; moved by the wisdom that you just shared with us Jacob. And in my attempts, my clumsy attempts to dance today, while divining, I felt like I was connecting with you and what you were trying to teach me. And I know that we have a lot to continue learning from you. I'm so grateful that we got to be in conversation tonight. Thank you for offering so much to all of us.

It is my delight to introduce my wife. There are many accolades that I can offer, just to be her student and to be in the presence of her music and soul is a lot for me, and I offer that to you.

Neshama Carlebach: Friends, CJP, beautiful Ruderman family, the Artson family - we love you and we are so honored and blessed to be with you today. This is Micah; Micah is 10 and I wanted Micah to be here with us tonight so that he could learn from you, Jacob. Thank you for the light you bring. Thank you for the dancing God that you give to all of us, and more.

This is a song that Micah arranged. A beautiful Hallellu from the Sufi tradition that was brought to all of us by Debbie Friedman (z”l), we just acknowledged her 10th yahrzeit.

Ten years that she's not here, but somehow, she is here. And when I met you, I was dancing with you and I continue to dance with you and hold you in my heart. So, this is - I’m so happy to introduce you to my boy - and so excited to offer the song of praise and joy. And I hope that all of you there, so moved and profoundly changed by this conversation, I hope that you will sing along.

[MUSIC]

[SINGING] Hallelu, hallelu, hallelu Kol haNeshama tehalel yah, hallelu Halleluyah

Thank you.

Micah: Thank you.

Neshama Carlebach: [to Micah] Take a shower, okay?

It is my honor to offer one more song before we bring up my beautiful friend, Elana Artson.

This is Shine, the song that I created with Beth Styles and Tricia Small in honor of my children, in honor of our children. And especially in this moment today, this time of complication, of constant emotional roller coaster. May we find within us the shine.

May we hold each other up. May we love each other just a little bit more. May we have the faith that the light is coming and it always is.

[MUSIC]

Shine Music by Beth Styles Lyrics by Beth Styles, Neshama Carlebach & Tricia Small

[SINGING]

May our days be brighter May we rise above May we hold each other With dignity and love May our words reflect You May our voices climb May the heavens hear us May Your light shine

CHORUS Shine on me And on all who need Shine it on me Lord And I will receive Shine on me It’s the air I breathe Oh Lord, shine on me May we make whole the broken Returning peace and pride May we treasure all our children And the preciousness of life May we transcend the darkness And reach for the Divine Please, hear us And may Your light shine

CHORUS

BRIDGE Through the clouds And through the rain Through the storm I praise Your name I know Your light will shine on me

CHORUS Shine on me And on all who need Shine it on me Lord And I will receive Shine on me It’s the air I breathe Oh Lord, shine on me

My dear beautiful friend and fellow soul sister, Elana, it's such an honor to be in conversation with you.

Elana and Jacob Artson: It's an honor to be in conversation with you, too.

Neshama Carlebach: Thank you again, Jacob, you light me up. So, Elana, when I called you this week to speak about this amazing moment that we would all have together, I spoke to you and Jacob. And I asked if Jacob remembered me, since we had only met once before.

And, let me just say, our time with all of you in your Sukkah - Menachem and I talk about it all the time - you're like our happy space remembering your Sukkah.

You laughed and you said, ‘of course Jacob remembers you; Jacob said I remember everyone that has smiled at me.’

This moment touched me to my very core. Can you please share a little bit more about this? What have smiles meant in the life of your child and in your life as well?

Elana and Jacob Artson: So, I love this topic, and you know, of course, Neshama is somebody who is really unforgettable. But I want to tell you a couple of other stories about smiling from Jacob’s life.

And the first one is when Jacob was about four years old, I went to a conference. And one of the things that this professional advised is that if it's hard for your child to, you know, associate with peers and play with kids their age, and you don't want them to be with adults all the time, find a bossy 12-year- old.

So, we found a wonderful girl who was preparing for her bat mitzvah and she came to the house every week and played with Jacob. And a few years later we moved to Los Angeles. But when Jacob was 13, we came back to our old synagogue and we saw the bossy 12-year-old.

And she asked Jacob, you know, ‘Do you remember me I used to come and play at your house.’ And he said ‘yes, of course, I remember you; you weren't bossy you were confident and, yes, I remember you because I remember everyone who ever smiled at me.’ This is something that Jacob knew from the time that he was literally a toddler, a preschooler. He knew who was smiling.

I want to share another story about a wonderful autism doctor, [Dr.] Ricki Robinson, who we have been fortunate to work with since Jacob was six when we moved to LA. And many years later he wrote a piece about his first meeting with her. And how he expected that this would be just like all of the other, many doctors that we had taken him to. That there would be some kind of therapy prescribed or some kind of pill, and that would be the end of the appointment.

And he said he was really surprised that there was nothing like that at all, no talk at all of that. He just sat on the floor and played with puppets and ‘she smiled at me,’ he said and ‘I had never had a doctor smile at me. And that smile gave me hope and that hope is what moves me forward.’

I want to leave you with a few thoughts about smiling and the role that it plays. Because smiling is a way in which we're seen. And it's also a way for a person like Jacob, who has very minimal verbal skills, to see others.

So when we think about how to include people with disabilities - people of all types - I think that one of my favorite things that Jacob said about this is ‘what I like about the kids at Ikar is that they smile at me, even when they're not getting community service credit for it.’

And the question here is what is it really like to be a person with disabilities? And I know when my kids were growing up, the youth groups in the schools would try to have these programs where they would simulate what it was like to have a disability. And you know, maybe they would have the room be totally dark or they would, you know, have somebody in a wheelchair and I don't in any way mean to disparage those programs.

But if you want to have a program about what it's like to be a child with autism, it would consist of sitting in a room for half an hour and nobody is allowed to smile at you or make eye contact with you. That's what it feels like to have autism. So, let's think about that perspective and who can we smile at and who can we make eye contact with.

And, so, I want to give you an example of this. And it's what Jacob talked about; but you know I think we have all become much more conscious of how we use words.

So, Jews, we like to stand and sit and stand and sit and stand and sit in our service and not everyone is able to do that. So, we've learned that we should say, well rise in whatever way you're able - whether that's physical or spiritual. But the real question is what happens to the people like us? Like Jacob who's sitting, because if he gets up, he’ll run out of the room? What happens to the people who are sitting? How are people looking at them? Are they smiling?

Neshama Carlebach: A massive, important, beautiful statement. And I must tell you, when you talk about smile, we are all now walking around with these masks on. It's so hard to see the smile. It's almost like that is the part of us that's covered up most. I will, I will breathe in what you said. And I will smile more, so thank you for that.

There are ways for Jewish institutions to be measured when it comes to inclusion and accessibility. You shared with me, Elana, that your precious community Ikar (which is, by the way, to share with everyone, the shul that Menachem and I would go to, of all the shuls in the world, if we could), you share that Ikar received a B-rating, despite being the one space where you all feel enveloped, seen and equal as a family. Why was that? And is there a way for the Jewish institutional world to learn from this experience and from you?

Elana and Jacob Artson: So, I told this story to Neshama and it was, I think, about rating how gay friendly shuls are. And apparently Ikar got dinged because they don't have a committee on including LGBTQ people. So, I have two thoughts about that, and I want to be conscious of our time. The first thing is obviously this starts with leadership and I want to share a wonderful story about Ikar.

A little while after we joined, Brad was going to be giving a sermon one day; I think it might have been when Rabbi Brous was just coming back from maternity leave, I don't remember exactly what the reason was. But here was the introduction that she gave, and this was sort of, pretty shortly after we had joined. She said, ‘You know Jacob Artson was our first scholar-in-residence and he did such a great job that we decided to invite his dad to give a sermon too and so now I'd like to introduce Rabbi Bradley Artson.’

So, it starts with leadership, but it's not about another committee. It has to be about everyone. It's not about having a program, it's about what happens after the program. This is a wonderful program and the question is when we all get back together, you know, who will you sit with at Kiddish and I think it's really about making this about the committee of the whole.

Neshama Carlebach: Yes, so much, thank you for that. I learned so much from you, and Brad, and Jacob (and Shira as well). How you are as a mother, Elana, you are so inspirational to me. And I know

that you are also just a human being who loves her children. What advice can you share for parents, with parents, about their life with children, today?

Elana and Jacob Artson: So, I think one of the most important things I’ve learned, now that my child is an adult, is it's not a race. It's not about how fast you get there. The fact that your child doesn't do something at one point doesn't mean that they're not going to do it at another point. The fact that your child isn't good at something doesn't mean that they won't find their way. So, focus on the strengths.

You know one of the very hard things about growing up, is that we go to schools that expect people to be good at everything. And none of us are good at everything. We all grow up and we find the thing that we're good at. And then we just do that and that's what makes us happy; and that's what makes us successful and that's what makes the world a great place.

So, don't get hung up on all the things that somebody, your child, can't do. Don't spend all of your time trying to get them to do the things they can't do. Focus on the things they can do; the things that they love, the things that they're passionate about. And that will bring them into adulthood in a place where they can have a meaningful life.

Neshama Carlebach: Oh, I love that so much. You have no idea how much I will really hold that. Thank you so much, and I know that all parents, all of us on tonight, will remember that very important message for our children.

I have one final question. You shared with me that you often attend conferences on inclusion, and you sit in meetings all day, but often you are looking for just the one little nugget of something that you can take with you. I love that. What is our little nugget today, Elana? What should we take from tonight's beautiful event and conversation?

Elana and Jacob Artson: So, I hope we've all given you many nuggets and it'll be different for all of you. I mean one thought that I want to leave you with is, you know, as a parent it's very hard when you have to always be the only one advocating for your child.

So, I want to say thank you to everybody who is on this program for being an ally and for being an advocate. Because it is very lonely as a parent when you are the only one out there fighting for your child. Thank you for giving us the community and thank you for being ours.

Neshama Carlebach: Thank you so much, thank you for every word. Thank you, Jacob. I'm giving you both the biggest hugs in the world. Thank you for all your words.

And friends, it is my honor to also be able to introduce my beloved husband Rabbi Menachem Creditor, who is my rabbi first, before he was my husband. I’m so honored to share life and everything with you; please come on back.

Menachem Creditor: Thank you love.

I just want to look at my Rebbe, my friend, and bask in the glow of our teachers, our wives. I think I had things I planned on asking you and hearing and maybe I can just look at you with an understanding that only the two of us have right now.

Rabbi Bradley Artson: That was a slice of paradise. I know for me that Elana is the bedrock of our family in so many transformative ways and she holds us all accountable and then she forges in the lead

too. And then, of course, I'm so proud of Jacob. You know, and I thought, maybe Menachem, what I could do is just open with a Jacob story.

You know, for years, I've gone on the circuit and I've talked about Jacob as a young kid and as a teenager, but this is grownup Jacob. And I want to share one of the ways he's taught that I think will have a huge impact out in the world. I know that when I went to Rabbinical school, we had one talk about people with special needs, but we never actually met one. We never actually had to see one. One of things I'm so in love with Ziegler students, the students of the rabbinical school I run, is that we do events (back before this pandemic) in my house.

And Jacob, of course, is an active presence in our shabbat gatherings, our Purim gatherings, everything. And if you ask any Ziegler student, any alumni, they will know that Jacob’s song (he has one), is Oseh Shalom. And Jacob sings Oseh Shalom not just with his voice, but with this entire body. He leaps up and down like an enthused Chasid. And what I adore about my students on many things is that they, when they lead services, they know that we have to do a full Oseh Shalom. And that wherever in the building Jacob is, he comes barreling into the room, stands in the center of everybody and does this full body dancing, jumping, ecstatic Oseh Shalom. Which, for Jacob, is a song about welcome.

It's a song about ‘we're all here, may the one who brings peace in the high places be that Shalom among us, and within us and between us.’ And I think that's a jewel I'd want to give everyone tonight, is that, I've seen from my Jacob the way that he's able to use his enthusiasm to unite a room and to bring everyone together. And I take great consolation in thinking that there's a cadre of rabbis out there who, because they got to spend time with Jacob, they'll know how to be when that synagogues’ Jacobs come before them. Because we all are, we all have, human needs that have to be met in special ways, and we all of us need to be smiled at and welcomed.

And he does, he did that, and I saw that with my students all the time. He, also, at the opening shabbat of the year Jacob leads the school in Havdalah and it's among the most spiritual highlights for me of the year, watching Jacob. I want to be clear he's not a saint, you know. He's a real human being. He struggles with things, he wrestles with things, just like all of us. So, I don't want to minimize that. I want it to say to his praise, that he pulls it together to pour his soul into a Havdalah that leaves everybody aware of this is not just a thing to check off a list, this is not just a ritual to be done with, this is an encounter. And that we can all risk being seen with each other. That's what Jacob’s vision of the world can open for all of us. A world where we're all able to be seen.

Menachem Creditor: I just want to keep on soaking this in. And I know that our time is limited. So, if you don't mind, I'll just put a question to you that, for me it's very personal and I imagine it'll be useful for other people to hear you think about out loud.

You know, part of tonight, our theme is about resilience in the midst of some very, very hard times that all of us are going through. And I recognize so much of the blessing, the abundant blessing, in my life as I ask such a question. But you know loneliness is a big deal and stress is a big deal and the effort it takes; you're describing the heroism of what it is to hold ourselves strong and face the over stimulated world that is there and some of us experience even more. And I'm wondering what wisdom you have gained being your son's father that could be helpful to all of us as we, you know, work on our own ability to smile and ache for each other's smiles and try to hold ourselves strong in a world that makes that a little bit complicated?

Rabbi Bradley Artson: Thank you. Thank you, Menachem, for that. You really do, by the questions you raise, show what a deep soul you are and how we are, we are all of us, seen in your presence. So, thank you for that gift.

I guess one of the things that my Jacob has taught me, is the unhealthy ways that I sometimes seek approval and need people around us to approve of us. And Jacob doesn't have the luxury of being able to focus on that, and he needs the people around him to be able to prioritize what really matters and who really counts and not play to the random stranger who's giving you a look from across the room, or at the airport, or whatever.

So, Jacob helped crack this liberal San Franciscan who, in many ways, was oppressed by the opinions of strangers. To say, ‘you know what, I notice their look – I can’t care, I can't care.’ Because there's too much at stake and what Jacob would say is, it's not just special needs. We all of us need, desperately, to live in a world in which we can be ourselves. In which everybody in their uniqueness is valued and treasured. And Jacob ran that home. Not as something theoretical, but as life and death, you know.

And let me just share - I'm going to brag for a minute, Jacob, I hope this is okay; my son has been doing online learning at the local adult education institution and community colleges. And just last week, he was placed in a full GED program. So, he's going to get a high school diploma. And he is working so hard and he leaves it all on the table by the end of the week he's just a rag. I am so proud that he never gave up. He never gave in, he never thought - we have plenty of meltdowns, plenty of challenges, I melted down, he melted down, Elana melted down; but, somehow we never did at the same time, so there's always someone to pick us up and say snap out of it, move on - but what a huge, huge step. And I see Jacob take it every day he jumps up excited at the challenge and he works really hard to stay in it, and he is just surpassing himself in all kinds of ways.

So, Menachem, let me, if you don't mind, let me jump from that to a story I love to tell. This is a story from [Massekhet] Haggigah, a volume in the Talmud, and it's told that Rebbe, who was Rabbi Yehudah [Ha-Nasi] the head Rabbi of his time in Roman Israel. He would once a year, go around to the small backwater places just to, you know, make sure everything's going okay and that his administration of the country was going well. And he showed up at a place where he asked is there a local rabbi that I can, you know, visit with and the people said well there is but he's blind. And, so, you shouldn't see him, like, it just would be an embarrassment to your high office. And his assistant, who was a very prominent Talmudic rabbi, said ‘don't do it, don't compromise your office. I’ll go on your behalf and I’ll pay honor to him and I’ll make some excuse for you.’

And Rebbe being so great, wouldn't do that. He insisted on going and they had a visit; the Talmud never tells us the name of this blind rabbi with special needs. Never tells us his name because he's just a guy with special needs who is living in a nowhere town. And as he's getting up to leave the anonymous guy turns to the rabbi, to Rebbe, and says, ‘can I bless you’ and Rebbe says ‘go ahead.’ And so, this nameless, blind rabbi - he says, ‘just as you have come to see one who cannot see, so may you be seen by one who cannot be seen.’ And Rebbe turned to his sidekick and said, ‘if I had listened to you, I would have missed that blessing.’

So, what I want to say to all of us - whether you are someone who currently has a special need, whether you're someone who will be having a special need somewhere down the road, someone who loves someone with a special need or cares for someone with special needs, or carries the responsibility of shaping the Jewish community’s response - may you be seen by the one who cannot be seen, because you see the ones who are so often not seen.

And my wife, Elana, said it right - that's got to be the committee of the whole. There's no subset, there's no special agenda, there's no program that can do this. It just means always and all the time, no one is invisible in our presence. And when we turn in shul, in a meeting, because someone's making a noise, we turn with a smile on our face because we assume there's a good reason for that noise, for

that disruption. And we look at them and we see the way they manifest the divine and they make humanity that much bigger. And my Jacob teaches me that all the time.

Menachem Creditor: That's so beautiful, thank you for all of that. And most of all to you, and to Jacob, and to Elana - thank you for seeing us and letting us see you. It's overwhelming, to say the least. And if we listen well, it won't just be overwhelming in the moment, it might even be guidance for what we should be doing next so that an evening like this won't be exceptional.

Rabbi Bradley Artson: Thank you. Thanks, Rabbi Creditor.

Rabbi Bradley Artson: To be with you. It is my delight, once again, to hand the zoom podium back to my wife who is going to share with us two closing pieces of music.

Neshama Carlebach: [To Menachem] I need you; we’re doing these together. You have to come in the other room.

The joys of working from home, friends.

[To Menachem] Wow, where do you come from? Oh, my. [Laughter]

My precious friends - thank you so much for seeing us, for allowing us to see you, for being with us; to give in this way, to hear us, to be with us. I am humbled and privileged and blessed beyond measure to know you and to learn from you, today and every day.

[To Menachem] You’re not on the screen. [Menachem to Neshama] It’s okay, it’s not about me. [Laughter]

[To Menachem] So, I don't really even know how much time we have. [Menachem to Neshama] We should do one.

We should do one. So, this is, this song is for Molly who we love so much who just had a loss. And not only is it for Molly, this is for our world. We are all processing sorrow, fear, worry; may we all build this world from love.

Thank you to my husband for writing this song, this anthem of love, that we all cling to and need so much today and every day. Thank you to the Ruderman family. Thank you to everyone - to the staff who created these programs who continue to show us the way, to be a lighthouse to the world, to explain to us, to teach us, to guide us how to love just a little bit more. Because you're absolutely right, there's no committee for this. It’s just about loving.

Menachem Creditor: Sing with us wherever you are, please.

Neshama Carlebach and Menacham Creditor:

[MUSIC]

Olam Chesed Yibaneh Music and English lyrics: Rabbi Menachem Creditor Hebrew Source: Psalm 89

[SINGING]

Olam Chesed Yibaneh I will build this world from love And you must build this world from love And if we build this world from love Then God will build this world from love.

Marc Baker: Thank you so much Menachem and Neshama. I think we all want to say encore right now, but it's late. So, I'm going to just wrap us up and just say another huge thank you. Thank you so much to the Ruderman family for all you do every day on behalf of people with disabilities but, more importantly, our entire community to make this the kind of community and kind of world we know it can be.

Thank you so much again to Menachem and Neshama for your soulfulness, your deep, deep questions and your music. And thank you so much to the Artson family, to every one of you, who just illuminated this program with your authenticity, with your journeys, and with your spirit. And, frankly, with your calling to all of us.

Rabbi Artson, the way you described your Jacob as being able to unite a room with his enthusiasm was just inspiring. I wish we could have all seen that Oseh Shalom. But I would just say tonight, he united this zoom with his wisdom and his gravitas. Calling all of us to be our best possible selves, reminding us that inclusion is not about people with disabilities, it is about a mindset that every human being wants to be in communities where they can feel a deep sense of belonging. That our synagogues and all of our communal spaces need to be places where we truly believe that everyone is created in God's image. And that, yes, we need to try harder every day to actually find that image of God, in every human being, so that each of us can learn to see and so that each of us can have the blessing of being seen.

What an incredible program tonight. What a powerful way to kick off Jewish Disabilities Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month. Tonight was a celebration, but it was also a reminder that we've got important work to do. Thank you all for being in this with us and for your commitment to doing the sacred work and laila tov Thank you and good night.