Trust Me Trust Me
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(Continued from front flap) MORGAN and body language are in confl ict, we believe the body Praise for TRUST ME language every time. This makes conscious efforts to change our unconscious behavior diffi cult. Even “If you’re a speaker who wants to raise your game to be the best you can be, then TRUST momentary lapses are perceptible to the audience. The key to success is to train your body language to you need to read this book. Nick Morgan has helped some of the most remark- unconsciously align with your message. able professional speakers around the world create top-notch content, deliver it with authenticity and charisma—and change the world.” TRUST ME Trust Me outlines the four steps to —TIM SANDERS, author, Saving the World at Work communication success: “In a political campaign today, you have to start powerful conversations that ` OPENNESS TRUST ME “EVERY COMMUNICATION IS TWO ` CONNECTION bring the candidate to life for the public, whether it’s in person, on television, CONVERSATIONS: the verbal one— or through the new media. Nick Morgan’s four-step approach to authentic ` PASSION the content—and the nonverbal communication is a must for cutting through the cynicism and creating real ` LISTENING one—the body language. If the two connections.” ME are aligned, you can be a persuasive, In addition, the book offers an in-depth analysis —BETSY MYERS, former COO, Obama for President Campaign; former of the research that underlies the four-step pro- authentic communicator. You may executive director, the Center for Public Leadership at Harvard’s cess and includes tips for controlling fear when even come across as charismatic. communicating. Kennedy School of Government; former director, White House Office If the two are not aligned, people for Women’s Initiatives and Outreach FOUR STEPS to believe the nonverbal communication At a time when there is little tolerance for hype every time.” and spin, this book offers a practical, clear guide for “As a speaker, you have to fi nd your own voice. Nick Morgan’s four-step —FROM THE INTRODUCTION becoming a persuasive and authentic communicator. approach to communicating with personal authenticity is by far the best I have seen for successful public speaking.” AUTHENTICITY —STEVE FARBER, author, Greater Than Yourself and The Radical Leap; president, Extreme Leadership, Inc. and CHARISMA THE AUTHOR In this book, acclaimed communications coach “Nick Morgan shares the secrets of effective communication in this ground- Nick Morgan shows how you can become an breaking book. His approach has helped me communicate more powerfully effective, charismatic speaker by communicat- NICK MORGAN, founder of and charismatically with employees, shareholders, and the public.” ing with authenticity and respect for your audi- Public Words Inc., is one of America’s top commu- ence. Trust Me presents a four-step process (which nication and speech coaches. He is a former Fellow —HOWARD BRODSKY, founder, chairman, and CEO, CCA Global Morgan perfected while teaching at Harvard) at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, af- Partners, Inc. that enables you to fi nd your own best personal com- fi liated with the Center for Public Leadership, and munication style to maximize your persuasiveness served as editor of the Harvard Management Com- BUSINESS/COMMUNICATIONS and presence. This proven process works whether munication Letter. He is the author of the acclaimed you’re speaking to a group or in a one-on-one book Working the Room, reprinted in paperback as Jacket design by John Hamilton U.S. $27.95 | Canada $30.95 conversation. Give Your Speech, Change the World. www.josseybass.com As Morgan explains, we are all unconscious experts in reading each other’s body language. When words NICK MORGAN (Continued on back flap) ffirs.indd ii 10/23/08 4:43:27 PM TRUST ME ffirs.indd i 10/23/08 4:43:27 PM ffirs.indd ii 10/23/08 4:43:27 PM TRUST ME FOUR STEPS to AUTHENTICITY and CHARISMA NICK MORGAN ffirs.indd iii 10/23/08 4:43:27 PM Copyright © 2009 by Nick Morgan Published by Jossey-Bass A Wiley Imprint 989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741—www.josseybass.com No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008, or online at www.wiley.com/go/permissions. Readers should be aware that Internet Web sites offered as citations and/or sources for further information may have changed or disappeared between the time this was written and when it is read. Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifi cally disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fi tness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profi t or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. Jossey-Bass books and products are available through most bookstores. To contact Jossey-Bass directly call our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 800-956-7739, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3986, or fax 317-572-4002. Jossey-Bass also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. Cataloging-in-publication data has been applied for. ISBN 978-0-4704-0435-5 Printed in the United States of America fi rst edition HB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ffirs.indd iv 10/23/08 4:43:29 PM To Nikki, even more than before ffirs.indd v 10/23/08 4:43:29 PM ffirs.indd vi 10/23/08 4:43:29 PM Contents Introduction 1 Every communication is both a verbal and a nonverbal conversation We are all unconscious experts in each other’s body language 1 Leaders Need Both Charisma and Authenticity 7 You need charisma and authenticity to lead effectively Gesture can convey meaning independent of words Our most important dialogues with others take place nonverbally 2 Aligning the Two Conversations Will Make You a Powerful Communicator 21 Communications that align both the content and the nonverbal conversations can be powerful We unconsciously ascribe intent to the gestures we see The paradox of leadership today is that you have to practice to look spontaneous vii ftoc.indd vii 10/23/08 4:21:40 PM viii Contents 3 Being Open, Part One: How to Master the Verbal Conversation 35 The verbal aspect of openness involves clarity of intent The content of an open communication begins with clear framing To conclude an open communication, reach agreement about what has been said 4 Being Open, Part Two: How to Master the Nonverbal Conversation 43 Trust is the essential goal of an open, nonverbal conversation When you communicate, you create a persona that other people unconsciously decode If you work on the conscious control of intention, your gestures take care of themselves 5 Being Connected, Part One: How to Master the Verbal Connection 59 Connected communication deals with the audience’s concerns Connected communication is direct and simple Connected communication is reciprocal 6 Being Connected, Part Two: How to Master the Nonverbal Connection 71 Connection is fi rst and foremost about closeness Everything signifi cant between people happens in personal space or intimate space You can signal your intent with your posture ftoc.indd viii 10/23/08 4:21:40 PM Contents ix 7 How to Be Passionate with Content 79 Label the emotion Tell an uncomfortable truth Verbal restraint can be a more powerful indicator of depth of feeling than excess 8 How to Be Passionate Nonverbally 93 The fi rst place people look to fi nd passion is in the voice A good voice needs resonance and presence Focus on your emotional attitude toward your meeting, topic, or event 9 Listening, Part One: How to Listen Verbally — and Charismatically 101 At its most basic, good listening offers feedback The most powerful kind of listening is empathic and analytical Identify the emotion and state its underlying causes without trying to solve the problem 10 Listening, Part Two: How to Listen Nonverbally — and Charismatically 111 Listen with your whole body Listening is at the heart of real charisma You must learn to read others’ emotions consciously 11 How to Read Others 121 Openness is expressed through the face and torso Your unconscious evaluation will be more accurate than your conscious one (at fi rst) Look for overall body orientation to determine the state of your alliances ftoc.indd ix 10/23/08 4:21:41 PM x Contents 12 Principles of Persuasive Content 143 Phrase your arguments so that your listeners can hear them Persuasive rhetoric has a clear