FREE Dining • Shopping Lodging • Humor The Conch Republic Entertainment OCONUT ELEGRAPH TCHE COCONUT TELEGRAPH IS PROUD TO BE THE OFFICIAL NEWSPA T PER OF THE NORTHERNMOST TERRITORIES OF THE CONCH REPUBLIC
101425 Overseas Hwy. • PMB #628 • Key Largo, FL 33037 • 305-304-2837 • www.theconchtelegraph.com • September 2020 Attractions Fishing Legend Captain Billy Knowles Island Life and Island Death Allen-Beyer Funeral Home
What’s Hot & What’s Not Winners of the Ladies Let’s Go Fishing Tournament Hangover Helpers The Feldman Room at Key Largo Library is Dedicated
Maps Key Largo Locator Map Page Getting from Here to There
All the Buzz
Coco-Nut Funnies Conch Characters Business in the Keys The Mangrove Galley Classifieds
We live in a gorgeous place! 2 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 3
Coconut Telegraph Cast of Characters: September 2020 The Conch Republic Editor/Sales/Distribution 305.304.2837 Volume 14 Issue #170 COCONUT TELEGRAPH www.TheConchTelegraph.com Denise Malefyt Independently Owned Local Newspaper [email protected] 305-304-2837 Prestige Publishing, Inc [email protected] 101425 Overseas Hwy. Key Largo, Florida Keys 101425 Overseas Hwy. PMB #628 33037 PMB #628 Premier Listings From Your LoKal Real Estate Specialists Key Largo, FL 33037 Advertising Consultant Island Life and Island Death 5 & Roving Writer REEF’S Lionfish Derby 6 Islamorada and Tavernier Fishing Legend Captain Billy Knowles 7 Deadline Marilee Free Winners of the Ladies Let’s Go Fishing Tournament 9 Living and Working in the Florida Keys Hangover Helpers 10 for the Coconut Telegraph’s 305-517-9279 Getting from Here to There - Keys Map Page 12-13 next issue is Thursday, for Over 25 years! Maya Angelou at 70 14 September 17, 2020 Advertising Production Support Locally Owned Businesses 15 BAY VIEWS! WE
Contact Denise at Sue Beal Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet 15 REFERRALS! 305-304-2837 305-451-4601 The Feldman Room at Key Largo Library 16 [email protected] beal_s @bellsouth.net Classified Ads 16 Housing Inventory Conch Characters/Around Town 17 is Getting Low, Key Largo Locator Map Page 19 Notice: We do not It’s available free online: Coco“Nut” Funnies 20-21 Now is the Time to mail out the Coconut theconchtelegraph.com. 1642 Churchill Downs 6 Rose Place 209 La Paloma Rd Daily OM - The Purpose of An Altar 22 Consider Selling! Telegraph and we do not For comments please visit The GOOD VIBES and VIEWS! VIEWS! VIEWS! Oversized Spacious home on large corner lot! Open oor plan Build Your Dream Home! Canal front lot in s e l l s u b s c r i p t i o n s . Conch Telegraph on Facebook. Business in the Keys 23 canal-front home perfect for family compound. Sigh with separate laundry room. Huge bonus - a concrete, desirable Winston Waterways. Easy commute to Call or Text Us Today! and kiss your worries goodbye! Seeing is believing. full-car garage. Located in a family neighborhood Miami. Permit in process with County. $339,000 Adams Cut LoKation for easy boating Bay or close to schools, shopping, restaurants and easy Editorial - Moose Lodge is Collecting Donations for Hurricane Laura Victims Oceanside! $995,000 commute to Miami. $249,000
Key Largo Moose Lodge Personal care items such Baby supplies are always matches. JUST SOLD JUST SOLD JUST SOLD JUST SOLD 2287 is an official collection as toothpaste, toothbrushes, needed - diapers, formula, To help with cleanup: tarps, site for hurricane Laura dona- deodorant, combs, hairbrush- burping cloths and towels, work gloves, large plastic tions. They will be accepting es, shampoo, toilet paper, juice, baby food,baby spoons, tubs with lids — these help donations of items to be sent feminine care products, etc. forks, bottles and bottle keep clean household items out to aid hurricane victims. are needed. brushes,teething biscuits, of the water and mud, para- First aid supplies like Pedialyte, baby wipes, talcum cord ropes, plastic sheeting Please do not bring bandages, Band-aids, hy- powder, baby blankets and rolls. 500 Burton Drive, Unit 2213 445 Lime Drive 27 Avenue A 40 Transylvania Ave clothing or water. drogen peroxide, ibuprofen baby aspirin. With these donations, a Completely updated 1B/1B with beautiful nishes GREAT FAMILY HOME! Concrete home in the X-Zone. SELLER SAYS “SELL IT!” SO WE DID! Nice home with Concrete bunker! Delightful family home located in (Advil),acetaminophen (Tyle- Displaced pets are also in challenge exists in transport- and impact windows. Live here or use as a rental Convenient location close to schools, shopping, Parks, lovely kitchen and newer appliances. Enjoy the good the X-Zone. Nearly 1/4 acre, fully fenced and situated Items needed are masks, nol), rubbing alcohol, gauze, need of dog food, cat food, investment; daily, weekly or monthly rentals. restaurants and easy mainland access. Spacious with life in the screened Florida room with spacious newer on two low maintenance open lots! County says lot ing supplies to those who need $309,500 open concept oor plan. $345,000 hot-tub. Fully Fenced. Neighborhood park with can be separated and build-able. Move-in condition. disposable gloves, and hand hydrocortisone, and Neosporin. cat litter, litter boxes and box them. Try to stick to what’s on beach, 2 boat ramps, pavilion and picnic area. New roof in 2019. $402,000 sanitizer. Personal comfort items liners. the list. Volunteers only want Possible seller nancing!!! $190,000 Non-perishable foods, and like NEW underwear and socks Camping gear can be a big to send what they know can be kitchen things like can open- (in original packaging). Hats, help: charcoal, Sterno cook- delivered. ers, paper plates, cups and towels, sunscreen and lip balm, ers, tents, sleeping bags, glow utensils. Canned food that re- pillows, bedsheets and blan- sticks, coolers, flashlights, LoKally Respected! quires no preparation like beef kets. cots, mosquito nets/bug repel- Key Largo Moose is located Our goal is to exceed your expectations and to make your experience stew, tuna, or SpaghettiOs; Cleaning and sanitizing lent, batteries, battery pow- at 98800 Overseas Highway, with us, as your Realtors, efficient, effective and rewarding. MREs; Gatorade and boxed supplied like paper towels, ered radios, camping chairs or Key Largo, 305-451-1333 milk; nutritious snacks like garbage bags, sanitizing wipes, beach chairs, emergency/solar Open 2 - 9 PM 7 days. The dried fruit and nuts, energy Lysol and disinfectants, bleach power lamps and lanterns, First Responders and all those bars; even condiments like and cleaning supplies are al- coolers for ice and medicine, who live in the path of Hurri- Susan Holler, Realtor® Kelly Wilson, Realtor® ketchup, mustard and relish. ways welcome. air mattresses, candles and cane Laura are in our prayers. Cell: 305-393-1695 Cell: 305-394-6742 Disclaimer Virtual Showings Upon Request! Are you looking to The Coconut Telegraph © 2006-2020 is published monthly by Prestige Publishing, tion of the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph assumes in good faith that all editorial INC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without and advertising material submitted are the original property of the advertiser. The [email protected] Buy or Sell? written consent of the publisher. The Coconut Telegraph welcomes written ar- Coconut Telegraph may not be held responsible for errors, omissions, or for circum- www.SusanKholler.com 92330 Overseas Highway, Suite 106, Tavernier, FL 33070 Call Susan or Kelly today! ticles, photos, and artwork of local interest to be used and/or edited at the discre- stances beyond our control that may affect the distribution schedule. 4 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 5
Island Life and Island Death Ever wonder what we locals do when a friend or loved one dies on our island? Would you know what to do? Hypothetical situation: memorial service or celebra- Your great aunt Nellie lives tion of life. People can get very next door. You are her only creative. I've heard of some living relative. One day Aunt doozies. One guy I knew got Nellie has a few too many his ashes shot out of a cannon nips of Fireball and steps at the Elks Lodge. Someone outside to shoot some igua- else made little floating paper nas. Her flip flops get boats full of ashes that were tangled in the mangroves and sent off for a sail into the she screams bloody murder sunset. We released old then falls, cracking her head Herbie in Jewfish Creek and on a coral rock and dies. You emptied a can of Budweiser heard her screams and came with flowers to send him off coconut telephone starts running but its too late. Aunt with his favorite beverage. A TONY ALLEN Nellie has gone to that great ringing, casseroles appear on friend and her sisters distrib- your doorstep and well mean- Tiki Bar in the sky. Soon the uted their mom's ashes in all Tony Allen embraced ing friends have offered police arrive and summon the the places they had enjoyed the Florida Keys with open their "help." undertaker, who in the upper together, they even sprinkled arms when he purchased Your head is spinning. One Keys is Tony Allen, owner of some in Fast Buck Freddie‛s in the Beyer Funeral Home of your friends suggests you the Allen-Beyer Funeral Key West. from Marilyn Beyer and he call a crematorium in Miami Home. has been operating it for because they offer what 10 years. A native Floridian appears to be a low price but from Gainesville, he gradu- then you discover that they ated from Gupton-Jones have all kinds of hidden Funeral College in Georgia expenses so it is not such a and also earned a Bach- good deal at all, in fact it is a elors degree in business Key Largo Conch House royal pain in the patootie! WE ARE OPEN management. He was You call Tony Allen and he 100211 Overseas Highway ◆ Key Largo FACE MASK REQUIRED elected Key Largo Fire will meet you at your home or NO-CONTACT DELIVERY Aunt Nellie was in the Commissioner and has held in his office. Allen-Beyer will Marine Corps and was proud that position for 8 years. Featured on the Food Network New Hours: Mon-Fri 10-3 take care of everything you of shooting "hundreds of He has been a member of need including help with the those commie bastards" in the Rotary for 9 years, 8am - 10 Daily required documents. One call the war (even though she Sons and Daughters of does it all. 305-451-1444. ◆ ◆ missed every single one of Italy for 10 years, a life Breakfast Lunch Dinner Visit their website at them) so you decide the member of the American [email protected]. American Legion is the place Legion and is a Marine This is where they post the to honor your beloved vet- Corps veteran. He is a obituaries and there is also a Vegetarian Entrées eran. They have a beautiful member of the UF Gator 305-451-3702 • 99551 Overseas Highway • KeyLargoFlorist.com free guestbook for people to place with lots of outdoor Club that meets at the Big sign, leave comments or post space and tables to socially Chill. They raise funds for photos. distance while honoring your scholarships to University An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase Now you need to decide vet, plus the drinks are cheap. of Florida. He is a young when and where to have a Everyone takes a turn at Pet Friendly • Kids’ Menu in which two words of contradictory meaning philanthropist founder for are brought together: Tony Allen or a member of expressing their fondest Mariners Hospital. Allen Award-Winning Food & Coffee his caring staff arrive in 45 memories of Aunt Nellie. also donates to various 1) Clearly misunderstood 2) Act naturally minutes or so and remove Then we all watch a video local charities. His office 3) Exact estimate 4) Found missing Aunt Nellie‛s body. They are made by good friend Video is located at MM 101.5 at your service 24 hours a day Dave and there isn't a dry Bayside, Key Largo. 5) Small crowd 6) Fully empty 7 days a week and they will eye in the house. Then it is leave you with an informa- time for some comfort food. 7) Pretty ugly 8) Seriously funny The photos on this page show tional book if you are too We recommend any of the 9) Only choice 10) Original copies some of the beautiful options 305-453-4844 distraught to discuss your fine restaurants listed in the for storing and honoring your And the mother of them all: “Happily Married”! options at that time. Before Coconut Telegraph for cater- loved one that are available www.keylargoconchhouse.com you can shake a stick, the ing. Keep things simple. at Allen-Beyer Funeral Home. 6 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 7
Coming Up September 10th: Conch Captain Spotlight on REEF's 2020 Upper Keys Lionfish Derby Captain Billy Knowles THE ZODIACS WHEN DRUNK (socially distant) Sep. 10 at 5:30 PM thru Sep. 13 at 4 PM CAPRICORN Trying to keep it together until Catching a Fishing Legend by Marilee Free they vomit and get kicked out. AQUARIUS No one knows what they're If you know Islamorada fish ever caught in a tourna- laughing at. history, you are probably ment; 15.6 pounds. He has PISCES Most likely to black out. familiar with the three set- captained many corporate ARIES Wakes up with bruises. tling families dating back to boats as well as his own. the 1800s: the Parkers, the When I asked what was his TAURUS Left the bar early to go get food. Pinders and the Russells. I had favorite fish to catch, he said, GEMINI Has heart to heart with someone the honor and pleasure of “there are no bad fish if you‛re they just met. talking with legendary, 4th- catching!” He likes catching CANCER Initiating shots… generation fisherman of tarpon, bonefish, and sailfish, crying somewhere 2 hours later. Islamorada, Captain Billy when possible. As far as his Knowles. His grandmother was favorite fish dinner, Billy likes Register now for the tember 13 at 10am. No Fish- LEO Flirting with everyone and posting a Russell, his grandparents had snook, blackened or fried right Upper Keys Lionfish Derby, ing on Sunday. way too many Instagram stories. a pineapple plantation, and for there at the Lorelei, or a hosted by Protect Our Teams will be able to VIRGO Never drunk enough, would a time, his family owned most scamp grouper, if you can find Reefs, REEF Reef Environ- take at least 85% of their rather be at home. of Islamorada. Fishing the one. mental Education Foundation catch after it is measured. LIBRA Disappears to hook up with someone. Atlantic Ocean, the Ever- Handling the heat and and REEF Invasive Lionfish (REEF will keep some lionfish glades, and the Florida Bay for watching for changing weather Program! The derby is to use towards education and SCORPIO Either plastered drunk or completely outreach activities.) sober. Mission is to get laid. 63 years, Captain Billy is a conditions are challenges Billy designed to allow teams and if he was ever worried, the over-populating and eating the Final details will be pro- busy, experienced, and much endures regularly. He told me coordinators to maintain SAGITTARIUS Never wants the night to end. elder man replied that he farmer‛s crops. With his wife, vided online, through the sought-after guide. a story of fishing in the Ever- safe social distance while “After party!” wasn‛t worried. He‛d put his Nickie and his 4 daughters, derby rules and via email still encouraging the removal faith in his captain and simply Ronda, Robin, Renea, and Crys- communication with teams. of lionfish from our reefs! asked if they could get milk- tal, 5 grandchildren, and 1 No Boat? Local lionfish Early Bird registration shakes at “Robert is Here!” on great-granddaughter, Billy is charters are available. Key discounts available: the way home. grateful to have the support of Dives in Islamorada, FL is • $50 per team on or When I asked my signature a loving family. Max, their offering lionfish dive char- before Aug. 30, 2020 question, “Do you believe you 4-year-old King Charles Cava- ters for Friday and Saturday • $75 per team on or are living the dream?” He got a lier pup is loved like family, (305-664-2211). And Rainbow before Sep. 6, 2020 smile on his face. “Yes,” he what a lucky dog. Reef Dive Center in Key Largo replied. He has traveled the The family enjoys traveling • $100 per team, deadline is also offering lionfish char- world, fishing and hunting to Michigan, Colorado, Sava- Sep. 10, 4PM ters dives the weekend of the where many people would love nah, South Carolina, and around Minimum 2 people per derby (305-451-7171). to go. He has seen the Aurora Florida. They are looking for- team, maximum 4 people. For more info and to Knowles has been a Borealis or Northern Lights ward to a family get-together All registered partici- register go to www.REEF.org/ licensed boat captain since after salmon fishing in Alaska. in the Blue Ridge mountains. As pants will receive a 2020 2020derby, call 305-852- 1959 and started fishing in He has provided food for locals an early riser, Billy loves to see lionfish derby rash guard. 0030, or Email lionfish@ Islamorada when there were in Central America, hunting the sunrise because that The first 40 paid partici- REEF.org. only about a dozen fishing pants will receive a lionfish white-winged doves that were means he has another day on guides. this great Earth. derby hat. Special thanks to the With this many years of $3000 in prizes will be sponsors that support Some of his repeat clients fishing experience, other awarded for most lionfish, REEF's Invasive Species have been fishing with him for guides ask Captain Billy when smallest and largest lionfish. Program: Mote Marine Labo- glades with a man in his late over 45 years. The Lorelei he plans to retire. He says he Choose from an array of ratory & Aquarium, Protect 80s, when the lightning Marina is where he guides will continue fishing as long as competitive divisions. Our Reefs ORCA Ocean Reef crashed a little too close for from; he trailers his boat he can, just to make their lives Captain‛s meeting Thurs- Community Association, FWC comfort and a nasty storm after the fishing trips. Hell! day, September 10, 2020 at Fish and Wildlife Research started dumping rain on them. Captain Billy can take up to Fish on, Captain Billy! You 5:30 pm (offered online). Institute, FWC Reef Rang- Billy couldn‛t see in the down- 4 passengers on his 25-ft. are truly a treasured legend of Fishing Friday, Septem- ers, Postcard Inn Beach pour; they were lost until he boat, or 2 passengers on his the Florida Keys. To book a ber 11 and Saturday, Sep- Resort & Marina, Monroe saw a familiar marker. They flats boat. He has been the trip fishing with Captain Billy tember 12 - Sunrise to County Tourism Development dodged the storm and pulled Poor Boys Tournament cham- Knowles, visit his website at Sunset. Council. out the boat into the flooded pion 11 times and still holds the CaptainBillyKnowles.com or call All lionfish must be at #floridakeys #Islamorada parking lot from the boat record for the largest bone- 305-393-6009. drop-off by Sunday, Sep- #FWCReefRangers ramp. When he asked the man 8 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 9
We Stock Guitar Strings Winners of Ladies, Let’s Go Fishing Screamin’ Reels Tournament TELEHEALTH — New & Used Guitars — Aug. 14-16, 2020 Islamorada, FL Better Health • Safer Care Women came from all over Florida Custom to compete in the non intimidating LLGF Sorry I was out sick Jewelry Fishing Screamin‛ Reels tournament all week Aug. 14-16 in Islamorada, FL. Hosted by If you’re an Android user, CORAL FINANCIAL Jewelry & Pawn On-Site the nonprofit Ladies Let‛s Go Fishing please download WhatsApp MM102 305 Jewelry Foundation, the tournament offered a Oceanside 453-5300 Repair virtual kickoff, informal meet and or Google Duo. Key Largo greet, easy rules for beginners and two days of inshore or offshore fishing. Fishing from eight boats, 20 partici- iPhone users can use pants caught 108 fish. My arm was in a cast. Facetime. We Buy Guns Prizes for the two-day tournament were awarded to individual anglers, Costa Morada (Sunday): (L-R) Donna Langston, Satellite Beach, If y'all see me dancing Top Dollar Paid including Penn rod/reel combos, art FL; Robin Swindle, Melbourne, FL; Amy Lombardo, Merritt Island, prints and other fishing items. Winners FL; Noelle Goulart, Belle Isle, FL; Annabelle Goulart, Belle Isle, FL. on the pole at the strip KEYS TO WELLNESS MEDICAL CENTER • Modern were: club, mind your own Susana May, M.D. Karen Griswold APRN • Vintage business. Fishing Top Offshore: Donna Langston, Satel- tackle is expensive! (305) 852- 8670 • Antique lite Beach, FL, Oceanic Tuna on Costa 103400 Overseas Highway, Ste 241 CORAL FINANCIAL Morada with Capt. Claude Tristram Jewelry & Pawn MM102 (O) 305 Second Place Offshore: Noelle Goulart, Key Largo 453-5300 Belle Isle, FL, Blackfin Tuna on Costa SE HABLA ESPANOL NEW PATIENTS WELCOME! Morada with Capt. Claude Tristram SAFE • CONVENIENT • DISCREET Top Inshore: Judy Ptashinski, Fort Myers, FL, Redfish on Scales 2 Tales with Capt. Chris Hanson
Second Place Inshore: Judy Ptashinski, Fort Myers, FL, Snook (released) on Scales 2 Tales with Capt. Chris Hanson Judy Ptashindki with Chris Hanson snook Top Inshore winner Top Release: Judy Ptashinski, Fort Saturday. 35 HDTV’S, FOOD Myers, FL, Tarpon on Scales 2 Tales with Capt. Chris Hanson & DRINK SPECIALS Junior Angler: Anabelle Goulart, Belle Isle, FL, Blackfin Tuna on Dog House FOR ALL GAMES!! with Capt. Jesse Cromer Daily Honors/Saturday: “I don’t want flowers!” Top Offshore Fish/Sat.: Donna Langs- VOTED BEST ton, Satellite Beach, FL, Wahoo on Blue WATERFRONT Chip Too with Capt. Skip Bradeen Second Place Offshore Fish/Sat: Trish Dog House (Starurday): (L-R) Kathy Hurley, Boca Raton, FL; Trish Wilson, Boca Raton, FL, Mahi on Dog Wilson, Boca Raton, FL; Jill Beach, Lake Worth, FL; Noelle SPORTS BAR IN House with Capt. Jesse Cromer Goulart, Belle Isle, FL; Annabelle Goulart, Belle Isle, FL; Amy Carrsaquillo, Parkland, FL.
THE UPPER KEYS Remaining 2020 LLGF events, with optional fishing, include: Sept. 12-13 Tampa Inshore Seminar MM104 Bayside - Key Largo Oct. 23-25 Keys Saltwater Weekend Seminar, Islamorada, FL 305.453.9066 Nov. 21-22 St. Augustine Surf Fishing Academy at Guy Harvey Ocean Resort www.jjsBigChill.com Contact: LLGF, phone 954-475-9068, email: [email protected], website: www.ladiesletsgofishing.com, Facebook: www.facebook.com/ladiesletsgofishing I want to go fishing! 10 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 11
Hangover Helpers Salvation Army Family Store MM 99 Bayside SHOP • DONATE Here are some things worth Hair of the dog - fish around bits of Key Largo trying: a Bloody Mary. onion and gherkin. Alcohol is a Rollmops can be a Nurse - If you are dating depressant. welcome part of someone in the medical field Having a drink what Germans call you are probably already will ease the katerfrühstück, or hooked up to an IV. If not: symptoms and a the hangover Aspirin - take 2 and go back Bloody Mary breakfast. to bed contains vitamins your body is Romania: Sleep - stay in bed all day or craving. It is but Tripe Soup until the pain goes away Visit the store, or call 305-872-5744 for prompt and courteous pickup a temporary fix though. If Tripe – aka cow stomach – is Coffee - by the time you can you're going to play, you've the go-to ingredient for many force it down you should on got to pay. Romanians suffering from a Please help " x" pet overpopulation the road to recovery hangover. It‛s also a common National Geographic had an "cure" in Mexico and Turkey, by spaying and neutering your pets. Water - takes care of the interesting article about some and no doubt many other Free spay and neuter clinics dehydration problem of the strangest hangover countries as well. But in at Key Largo Animal Shelter, Hot or cold shower - gets rid cures from around the world. Romania, the edible offal is normally every 2 weeks. Jonathon Peter Photography Peter Jonathon of the smell Perhaps they mean "cure" in a boiled in a greasy, salty soup This program is privately funded Open 7 Days A Week way that you‛ll never touch of root vegetables, garlic by Humane Animal Care Coalition Fruit juice - replaces lost alcohol again if you‛re forced vinegar, and cream. Breakfast 7 am - 10:45 am for Upper Keys residents. vitamins to take these the morning Lunch from 11 am Please call the shelter for after: Poland: Sour pickle juice Eggs - they contain cysteine, Dinner from 4 pm details and appointments. Polish hangover remedies are Open Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm and Saturday 9am to 5pm an amino acid, and your liver Live Music Every Night will thank you. Germany: Pickled Herring all about the sour. Some say Mile marker 106 Oceanside • phone 305-451-0088 These days, we have more Pickled or marinated herring that soured milk (which is Take a walk - exercise and is the main ingredient in a unpasteurized and has been reason to drink than ever! Fresh Seafood oxygen can't hurt sour snack Germans call Roll- left at room temperature for Daily Happy Hour 4-6 pm Maybe it was a great night , Chocolate - it always makes mops. Considered an excellent a day or two) does the trick. Local lively entertainment, a fast me feel better way to ward off a bad hang- Others favor sour – very sour Specialties OPEN 11:00 AM to 9:30 PM EVERY DAY bartender, and good friends over, they‛re made by wrap- – pickle juice, heavy on the We’ll Cook buying Fireball shots. You ping fillets of the tiny white vinegar. Your Catch don't remember the cab ride DAILY FOOD & DRINK SPECIALS Sunday - Live Music 2-6 pm home or how you got to bed. Fishing Guides $3 Well Drinks Available $1 off Bottle Beers WELCOME BACK Or maybe you were home by $1 Drafts All Day $1 off House Wines yourself and the cocktails Amazing SATURDAY - PRIME RIB DINNER started a little early and Sunsets $1.25 Domestic Drafts $2.25 Specialty Drafts HAPPY HOUR: 4-6 pm EVERY DAY ended passed out on the Pet Friendly $ couch! 1 Drafts FREE WIFI PROPERTY WIDE • LOCALS’ FAVORITE • LIVE MUSIC NIGHTLY! LOCALS’ FAVORITE 305-453-3153 45 Garden Cove Drive MM 106 All you know is that you woke Bloody Mary up and your head is throb- Full of Vodka, bing. Your mouth tastes like blessed are you American Legion Post 333 - Key Largo dead cat. Sweating, shaking among cocktails. and groaning you manage to Pray for me now drag yourself to the bath- and at the hour of room to pay homage to the my death, We are Open Now! porcelain god. While you which I hope is soon! retch in agony with your head Tuesday thru Sunday, 12 noon to 9 pm against the cold rim of the toilet you swear you will Reminder - It’s membership dues collection time! never, ever, ever drink again. Stop by and But just what can you do to see Tiffany! alleviate this self-inflicted agony? 2 Seagate Blvd.• MM 99.6 • Key Largo • 305-451-0307 • www.legionpost333.org 12 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 13
New York Style Pizzeria Tiki Bar, Game Nights, Dinners & Fun! TAKETAKE OUTOUT •• DELIVERYDELIVERY Members Sundays 7pm Plus 50% capacity inside & outdoor seating and Guests “Show Me the Moosebucks” Welcome PIZZA • ITALIAN SPECIALTIES • GREAT FOOD Mondays 7pm Check our Facebook page Bingo PIZZERIA for more events. STYLE ORK “So Good It’ll Make Your Tongue Slap Your Brain” ACTIVITIES AT THE LODGE W Y NE Tuesdays 7pm S Join Us! Y Our second Florida Keys location “Show Me the Moosebucks” Mondays: Line Dancing Lessons E K A M ID Checkout our Starts at 5 pm and the cost is $5.00 M R MM 88.8 Bayside, Islamorada Wednesdays 7pm 8 O 8 FL .8 • A, gorgeous new ISLAMORAD Live Music & Wednesdays—Members Only—Queen of Hearts 305-852-2200 Tiki Bar! Queen of Hearts Fun Starts at 6 pm and the Drawing is at 7:30 pm. open Sat. & Sun. 2 pm until... Fridays 7pm Sunday Brunch is Back! We are now a Left, Right, Center (Members and Guest Only for Brunch until further notice.) non smoking facility 10 am to 1 pm Second Thursday Meetings are held second Thursday of each month. Chef Clark (Ocean Bay Café) is serving nightly dinners Book your event in our beautiful Sunset Ballroom 305-852-1872
MM 92.6 Bayside • Tavernier • 305-852-1872 www.floridakeyselks1872.com mile marker 98.8 in the median COLORFUL
ACTIVITIES AT THE LODGE Mondays: Line Dancing Lessons Starts at 5 pm and the cost is $5.00 Wednesdays—Members Only—Queen of Hearts Fun Starts at 6 pm and the Drawing is at 7:30 pm. Sunday Brunch is Back! New York Style Pizzeria (Members and Guest Only for Brunch until further notice.) 10 am to 1 pm TAKETAKE OUTOUT •• DELIVERYDELIVERY Second Thursday Plus 50% capacity inside & outdoor seating Meetings are held second Thursday of each month. WE LIKE COLORFUL! PIZZA • ITALIAN SPECIALTIES • GREAT FOOD Chef Clark (Ocean Bay Café) is serving nightly dinners
PIZZERIA The Coconut Telegraph now has more color pages STYLE Book your event in our beautiful ORK “So Good It’ll Make Your Tongue Slap Your Brain” W Y than ever before. Enjoy it, and if you’re an advertiser, NE Sunset Ballroom 305-852-1872 S Y Our second Florida Keys location (or would like to be), call us to find out what your ad E K A M ID would cost in color. It’s surprisingly affordable! M R MM 88.8 Bayside, Islamorada 8 O MM 92.6 Bayside • Tavernier • 305-852-1872 8 FL .8 • A, 305-304-2837 ISLAMORAD 305-852-2200 www.floridakeyselks1872.com 14 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 15
Words of Wisdom: Maya Angelou at 70 Why Support Locally Owned Businesses? Maya Angelou, who passed away in 2014 ‘I’ve learned that life some-times gives Top Ten Reasons to Think Local • Buy Local • Be Local at the age of 84, was interviewed on her you a second chance.’ 1. Buy Local -- Support Yourself: just anyplace.” — Richard products they are selling who paratively little infrastructure 70th birthday, and asked about growing Studies show that when you buy Moe, President, National Historic take more time to get to know investment and make more older. There, on television, she said it ‘I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go from an independent, locally- Preservation Trust. customers anf their needs. efficient use of public services. was ”exciting,” and proceeded to ex- through life with a catcher’s mitt on owned business, rather than a 4. Reduce Environmental When you hire a local 9. Customer Service: Your local plain... both hands; you need to be able to throw nationally owned business, Impact: Locally lawn and yard business owner personally significantly more of your service you are some things back...’ owned handles customer service, not money is used to make keeping a Regarding body changes, she said there businesses someone speaking a foreign purchases from other local make local neighbor in language from Miami or India were many, occurring every day.....like ‘I’ve learned that whenever I decide businesses -- strengthening the purchases business. who can blow you off forever her breasts. They seem to be in a race something with an open heart, I usually economic base of the commu- requiring less When you with the touch of a button. nity. employ a to see which will reach her waist, first. make the right decision..’ transporta- 10. Encourage Local Prosperity: "fly by 2. Support Community Groups: tion and set Research shows that in an night" out of The audience laughed so hard they cried. ‘I’ve learned that even when I have pain, Non-profit organizations receive up shop in increasingly homogenized Miami you an average 250% more support town centers, world, entrepreneurs and skilled She is such a simple and honest woman, I don’t have to be one.’ don't know if from small business owners than as opposed to workers are more likely to invest with so much wisdom in her words! they are going they do from large ones. It is the developing on and settle in communities that ‘I’ve learned that every day you should to come back small, local businesses who give the fringe. This preserve their one-of-a-kind and beat you up and Maya Angelou said: reach out and touch someone.. People to benefits for locals in need. generally means contrib- distinctive character. burglarize your home. You love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on 3. Keep The Keys Unique: Where uting less to sprawl, congestion, endanger yourself, friends, ‘I’ve learned that no matter what hap- the back...’ we shop, where we eat and habitat loss and pollution. relatives and neighbors. The Conch Republic pens, or how bad it seems today, life have fun -- all of it makes the 5. Create More Good Jobs: Small 7. Invest in Community: Local does go on, and it will be better tomor- ‘I’ve learned that I still have a lot to Keys our home. Our one-of-a- local businesses are the largest Coconut Telegraph is businesses are owned by row.’ ‘I’ve learned that regardless of your learn..’ kind businesses are an integral employer in our community. independently owned and part of the distinctive character More jobs means more people people who live in this commu-
relationship with your parents, you’ll miss of this place. Tourism benefits. buying homes and so the home nity, are less likely to leave, and locally operated. ‘I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about them when they’re gone from your life.’ ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what Meal Plans are more invested in the Keys’ “When people go on vacation values rise. Think local first future. a person by the way he/she handles you said, people will forget what you did, Ocean theyBay Dininggenerally seek out desti- 6. Local Get Better Service: + buy local when you can these three things: a rainy day, lost lug- ‘I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not but people will never forget how you $12.50 per meal, $10.50nations per meal that offerwhen them ordering the businesses hire people with a 8. Put Your Taxes to Good Use: gage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.’ the same thing as making a life.’ made them feel.’ five or more, andsense $9.50 of when being ordering someplace, not better understanding of the Local businesses require com- = being a local! ten or more per week. Discounts given for cash or online payment.
Meet a few of the animals who are currently available for adoption PIRATES COVE WATERSPORTS at the Key Largo Animal Shelter. If you are interested in taking one Key Largo Bay Marriott Beach Resort, 103800 Overseas Hwy. OCEAN BAY CAFÉ of these adorable furry friends home, stop by or call. The Shelter is Adopt a Key Largo Animal Shelter Pet located at mile marker 106 Oceanside; phone 305-451-0088. www.pcwatersports.com Meal Plans ~ Café ~ Catering Café Now Open at the Elks Lodge #1872 305-453-9881 92600 Overseas Hwy, Tavernier
Daily Specials 3-8 pm Sunday Brunch 10am-2pm Welcoming Members & Guests Meal Plan Menus available Mondays via Facebook@oceanbaydining, or by text via 501-737-2125 (text only). Order by 5pm on Thursdays for Sunday pickup Donovan Albert Jewel Thelma & Louise Mango or Monday delivery. Prices range $9 to $12 per meal. Jetski & Boat Eco Tours Caterings are custom tailored to your desires. Sunset Cruises Contact us to schedule your next event!
Stand Up Paddleboards Boat Rentals Keys Adventures Jimmy Johnson’s Big Chill, 104000 Overseas Highway PRIME RIB CINNAMON ROLLS FRIED CHICKEN DESSERTS www.keysadventureswatersports.com 305-731-9472 Mila Lawrence Elton Loki Carmela 16 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 17 Key Largo Library dedicates The Feldman Community Room Conch Characters / Around Town
The pandemic has played havoc with raised over $10,000 for furnishings the so many events in our community. One County could not fund. of those events was the dedication of a The Feldmans were also active with part of the Key Largo Library to the Upper Keys Sailing Club and both become The Feldman Community Room. were published writers. Frieda, “Fritz,” was recognized as Poet Laureate of Key Largo, and Fred wrote a book of short "With appreciation to stories from his career as a Brooklyn Fred and Frieda Feldman, New York fire fighter. long-time advocates for the After returning to their Key Largo home post-Irma, the couple decided to Key Largo Library. Their Shadow Creek performs at the Lorelei, Greetings from Pirates Cove Watersports Blackwater Sound strange sunset as Hurricane Isaias vision and hard work over acquiesce to family requests to move at the Spiegel Grove. passed by. Photo by Dave Sheehan. decades, and service as board closer and spend more time with grand- members made possible the children in New York State. While it facility we have today and was the right move to make, it was only the many programs offered a short time before Fred, at 96 years through the Friends of the old, passed away with his family at his Key Largo Library." side. Frieda still keeps track of progress Fred and Frieda Feldman with Friends of the Key Largo Library. Fred and Frieda spent over 40 years She considers the library and its con- as active and contributing members of tion, was opened to the public in 1989. nection to the community of the Upper the Key Largo community. They were Fred and Frieda, along with other com- Keys as Fred‛s legacy. The Friends has applauded for their work with Friends munity volunteers, moved the library‛s had a special plaque made with the of the Key Largo Library. The current nearly 20,000-book collection across dedication inscribed on it, to hang in the library, in the Tradewinds Plaza loca- town to the new location. They also Feldman Community Room.
Local socialites Micah and Desiree Larry Calvano - Enricos Pizza. Amazing aerial. Photo contributed. COCONUT at the Lorelei. Photo by Rob LeBrun. TELEGRAPH CLASSIFIED ADS BUYING SERVICES CLUBS FREE! SERVICES WE BUY COINS House Cleaning HECKLERS I have a free For $5 I'll comment ANONYMOUS dress size 6 call Danielle on your exes new No collection too large Meets Wednesday nights, 7pm, bought it 305-393-2728 relationship photos or too small. We pay at the Civic Center, MM 110. for my girlfriend, saying "you've had cash on the spot and VESSEL SAFETY Bring your own boos. she broke up better." we offer private with me. All e USCG Auxiliary you have consultation in our FOR SALE FOR SALE conducts vessel safety to do is try Beautiful Big Chill at night with social distancing. New Lorelei no-touch menus. Remembering Jimmy McGuirl. location or yours. it on and take checks at Blackwater a photo with me Call Bill 305.942.0911. Sound Marina, so I can send it to her and tell MM 103.8 Bayside, every her it fits you better anyway. third Saturday of the Serious inquiries call or text. Buyers agent is month.Public welcome. buying 305-998-8400 GET CLASSIFIED Vintage Costume $10 per col. inch Jewelry MUSICIANS per month! Call & leave msg. MUST BE PAID IN ADVANCE Amateur & seasoned Classi ed Display Space $15/in. 305-304-2837 musicians wanted! Drop off ad and payment at e Keys Community The UPS STORE Concert Band 101425 Overseas Highway Big Chill memory: when Coach Jimmy & Chef Emeril Another amazing Lorelei sunset. Sharkey's Family style platters! Cook your catch, Classified ads will not be begins rehearsals in the fall. 2020 Tour Tee Shirt Next to Publix at Tradewinds accepted without payment. had lunch on the deck and later shared an Erico’s pizza. fish tacos, & Hammerhead combo! More info call 305-451-4530. 305-555-DEAD Questions? 305•304•2837 New! $110. 305-555-0000 18 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 19
OH MY COD! Fish Puns!
Seems a bit fishy to me. You Betta believe it. Dear cod, I laughed so hard! Fishcious rumors. He really schooled you then. I think you‛re fintastic. I‛d make him walk the plankton for that. Cod that was bad, eely bad! Not bad, cod do better… Salmon had to say it. We should dolphinitely scale back on the fish puns. You‛ve met your nemo-sis. Any fin is possible, just don‛t trout yourself! I won‛t be cod dead participating in this. Ahh guys, you‛re krilling me now! I‛m waiting for someone else to mussel in on this now. We, the jury, find this mullet wrapper gill-ty of too many Who will be the sole survivor? The Conch Republic fish puns! I really believe that to the bottom of my sole. COCONUT TELEGRAPH Oh for Gods hake, not another fish pun. This is a big issue a-monk fishermen. What‛s this fish pun website you‛ve been herring all about? DJ‛s aren‛t allowed to work at fish markets because they‛re It‛s a great oppor-tuna-ty! always dropping the bass. Never trust unlicensed puns – always check they‛re o-fish-al. Cod you pass me the salt? Have you thought of a fish pun yet, or do you need some time Most fish will tell you they like their food cold, and their The Conch Republic to mullet over? bait a little worm. COCONUT TELEGRAPH
You don‛t have to be a brain sturgeon to come up with a fish pun. Some people don‛t like fish puns, but they are kraken me up! RATES Hoping to avoid a turtle disaster. We‛re swimming along nicely. D B KEY LARGO MAP PAGE Create your own fish pun, don‛t leave it to salmon else. I‛ll bait these puns can‛t go on for much longer. Vertical: Can you do any betta than this? Cod I borrow you for a few minutes? 2.44” wide x 4.5“ tall Are you trying to gill-t me into thinking of a better pun? All I sea are bass-icaly cod awful puns! $125 per month This is going to get a-trout-cious real quick! I‛m stuck between a rock and a hard plaice now! Horizontal: This is neither the time, nor the plaice for this. Anyone else want to rise to the bait? 4.5” wide x 2.75” tall My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income You better not, or you‛ll feel my wrasse! $150 per month wasn‛t enough. Don‛t listen to them, I think you‛re fin-tastic! Bottom Banner: Stop carping on; you‛re giving me a haddock. We all just need to clam down now; I‛m a bit shell shocked. 9.75” wide x 2.75” tall Sorry, my attempt at a joke was a pile of carp. Keep your friends close and your anemones closer. $225 per month I‛m hooked! We whaley need to stop now! You‛re not quite up to scale. You‛re so sofishticated!
Fencing - Perfect for 2020 • Masks • Gloves • If they get closer than 6 feet, stab them! 20 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 21 Coco‘Nut’ Funnies A man takes his wife to get tested for Covid-19. Two days later, he gets a call from the lab. Doctor: I’m sorry to inform you that your wife’s A young fella with his test results were mixed up pants hanging half off his with another patient’s. We’re butt, no front teeth and a not sure if she has Covid-19 Apart from being half inch thick gold chain or Alzheimer’s disease. exhausted, There were four Florida State around his neck, walked into Man: So what am I sup- nancially unstable, sophomores taking chemistry and the local unemployment office posed to do now? nearing a they all had an A average so far to pick up his benefit money. Doctor: Take her for long mental breakdown through the semester. They were He strolled up to the walk and leave her. If she so confident they would ace the counter and said: “Hi there, and being fat, finds her way back home, final exam that they visited some you know what... I really don’t open the door. everything is great. out-of-town friends and partied HATE claiming benefits, I’d anks. all weekend long. They did not really much rather have a A young couple got married and A farmer walked into a bar and saw make it back to school until mid job. I don’t like taking advan- left on their honeymoon. When the local tractor salesman sitting they got back, the bride imme- there, head hung low, obviously up- Monday, too late for the final tage of the system and get- diately called her mother. Her set, drowning his sorrows in his beer. exam. ting something for nothing.” mother asked, “How was the hon- “What’s up, John?” asked the farmer. The social worker behind eymoon?” They figured that since their pro- “Gosh Bob, I’ll tell you what... if I don’t the counter said: “Wow, your fessor was an UM graduate they “Oh, Mum,” she replied, “the sell a tractor soon, I’m gonna have to timing is excellent. We’ve close my shop.” could easily convince him that honeymoon was wonderful! So just received a job opening “Now John, things could be worse,” they had a legitimate reason for romantic…” from a very wealthy elderly said Bob. being late and so would be able man who wants a chauffeur Suddenly she burst out cry- “How do you figure?” asked John. to retake the exam. They said that ing. “But, Mum, as soon as we and bodyguard for his beauti- “Well, John - you know my ornery they had a flat tire driving home returned Sam started using the ful daughter. cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this and were without a spare. The most horrible language…things morning and she just kept flicking her You’ll have to drive around I’d never heard before! I mean, all tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece professor being a reasonable man in his brand new Mercedes- these awful 4-letter words! You’ve of rope and tied it up to the rafter. agreed to let them retake the exam Then, the nasty thing went and kicked Benz CL, he’ll supply all of got to come get me and take me the following day. They went home home…. Please Mum!” the bucket away! So I tied her leg to your clothes and because of the wall. laughing on their success and dup- the unsocial hours, meals will “Sarah,” her mother said, “calm “Then she kicked my stool right out ing the professor and proceeded to be provided free of charge, down! Tell me, what could be so from underneath me! But I was out of study all night for the exam. awful? What 4-letter words?” rope. So I took my belt off and used it you’ll also be expected to to tie her other leg to the other side of The next day the professor placed escort his daughter on her “Please don’t make me tell you, the stall. them in separate rooms and gave overseas holiday trips, but Mum,” wept the daughter, “I’m so “Well wouldn’t you just know it...my embarrassed, they’re just too aw- damn pants fell down. them 100 point exam. Oh for you will also have as part of ful! Come get me, please!” “And John, if you can convince quickly answered the first question your job, to satisfy her sexu- my wife that I was in there to MILK al urges as the daughter is in “Darling, you must tell me what worth five points. How easy they that cow, I’ll buy a tractor from you her mid-20’s and has a rather has you so upset. Tell your mother TODAY!” thought! They then turned it to these horrible 4-letter words!” the second page which was written strong sexual appetite.” The guy, jaw dropping and Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, the following for 95 points which Mum, they were words like dust, tire? wide-eyed said: “You’re bull- wash, iron, cook!” shittin’ me!” “I was going The social worker said: to tell you a “Yeah, well... You started it...” Covid-19 joke. But there’s a 99.62% Two buddies were sharing drinks while chance you discussing their wives. “Do you and won’t get it!” your wife ever do it doggie style?” Karl Marx is a famous asked the one. “Weil, not exactly.” His friend replied, “She’s more into philosopher, but no one ever I got the words “Jacuzzi” and the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see, remembers his sister, Onya, the kinky, huh?” “Well, not exactly. I sit up “yakuza” confused. Now I’m in hot and beg, and she rolls over and plays inventor of the starting pistol. water with the Japanese mafia. dead.” 22 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020 September 2020 • The Coconut Telegraph • 23
Seeking Musicians to Take a Seat with Explosive Band The Purpose of an Altar Hurricane Tip: Having recently dropped in Loose Sphincter stinks up any "I was raised on classical Meanwhile, social aware- The purpose of an altar in your home can be as simple Put pieces of sod in a kiddie pool and put it in from Flushing, Michigan, the stage they land on, Fred music, and tend to think of ness is aptly expressed as reminding you to take time for serenity each day. band Loose Sphincter burst sniffs, "The bottom line is, sections of songs as move- through the haunting World your garage. You have a safe place for your on the scene after two musi- you can ask any band that's ments. To me, songwriting is War One lament, "Gas Mask,” dogs to potty during the storm. cians – tired of farting around played on the same bill as us a game of craps, and though while cover songs include in shitty jobs – decided to get and they'll tell you, Loose I sometimes become consti- Lynard Skynards' breathtak- Never let dogs off leash into the yard during off their respective asses and Sphincter is a tough act to pated with writer's block, ing "Ooh That Smell" and the make a big splash in the local follow." I'm soon full of the malodor- Phil Spector teen anthem, the storm, as dogs get easily spooked during music scene. Taking aim The group came about ous melodies that character- "Dat Do-Do Runs Runs." hurricanes and may take off, scaling even a against the windbags of the because of Fred and Dave's ize our musical discharge." Loose Sphinctor's first music establishment, Loose desire to break wind with Loose Sphincter's newest single from the album, "Drop- large fence. (And frequently, fences and gates Sphincter bombards your tradition and form a band cut, "Make a Stink," features ping the Kids off at the are knocked open/over during hurricanes.) senses with a potent blend of that would truly take things such tail-wagging tunes as Pool," is already climbing to Creole and Rap (a.k.a., "Crap"). to the extremity. "If I had the high-octane "Racing the top of the proverbial Discounting rumors that looked to the bowels of the Stripes and Bacon Strips," as shit-heap. The band also has Loose Sphincter is "full of hot earth," Odorbottom emits, "I well as the insistent funk of many tunes in the can for If you didn't grow up with an growth can act as a air" and will soon find them- couldn't have nosed out a "Brick Outhouse." their next highly-anticipated altar in your home, having one reminder to you that all selves in the sewer, drummer better-suited partner than Showing a vulnerable side release. now may seem like an exotic living things bloom in their Dingleberry Dave McFartson Dingleberry Dave. When I to the ladies, Mr. Odorbottom's Dumped by their lead and unattainable idea. Yet time. A simple ritual might poo-poos the idea. "We're not first got whiff of his talent," soulful scat singing on the guitarist ("a real ass-hole," having an altar does not have be to write down dreams going to have our judgment Odorbottom explodes, "I romantic "Makin' Whoopee according to Dingleberry to be complicated or diffi- you would like to see come clouded by criticism and quite literally had to hold on Cushion" is sure to stir the Dave), Loose Sphincter is cult, nor does it need to be to fruition on scraps of watch our dreams go down the to the seat of my pants!" bowels of your soul. And dig currently auditioning a based on a religion or a set paper. You might place toilet." Fumes bassist Fred Asked to discuss the the Van Halen-esque "brown replacement. If you feel the of ideas that don't seem to these scraps of paper in the Odorbottom, "We refuse to origins of their material, sound" their former lead guitar- urge, contact the group to relate to you. An altar can be box, or under the flower- put a toilet lid on our dreams!" chief songwriter Dingleberry ist brings to the heady "Stink arrange an audition to show a simple, personal expression pot, or in an envelope you Bristling at reports that pulls up a stool and unloads, Wrinkle." Fartabulous. off some of your runs. of what you want to focus on prop against the pot. As the right now. You do not have to flower grows, so will your build anything or take up a dreams. lot of space. You do not have Business in the Keys to buy anything new or follow If you look around your Have you ever wanted to practice medicine a complex set of instructions home, you may find that you without all the hassle of being responsible for 24-HR RAY SERVICE We are MORE to create your altar. All you have already created altar- people dying? Well here at University of Facebook Al’s Carpet have to do is have a general like arrangements without School of Medicine our motto is “Anyone can be a than just Carpet! understanding of what an even really thinking about Carpet • Area Rugs Doctor.” Our most popular courses include “Why Commercial & Residential • State Certified Contractor Tile • Vinyl • Wood CFC057546 / Licensed & Insured altar is and the willingness to it; this is something we Laminate • Shutters face masks don't work,” followed by my personal CERTIFIED MASTER PLUMBER SPECIALIST allow yourself access to this humans do quite naturally. A favorite “Masks are unhealthy and cause you to [email protected] Window Coverings wonderful, ancient tool of candle, a decorative box, Office: (305) 853-1848 97671 Overseas Hwy (305) 451-4460 get sick.” Don’t let your lack of medical training 99264 Overseas Hwy • Key Largo • Bayside transformation. and a vase of flowers are Cell: (305) 772-4580 Key Largo, FL 33037 just a few of the common or experience stop you from posting bad medical The Conch Republic Quality Web design at affordable rates. Barbara Eads At its most essential, an household objects that lend advice. Our online courses are not limited by GRI, CRS.TRC, CIPS, CLHMS, SFR, REOS COCONUT TELEGRAPH Licensed Real Estate Broker Independently Owned Local Newspaper altar is simply a raised struc- themselves naturally to the classroom size and best of all no enrollment fees Upper Keys ture that serves as a resting creation of an altar. Simply or intelligence is required. So enroll now and start Denise Malefyt Web Design Barbara Eads Realty, Inc. PUBLISHER Web Design 91770 Overseas Highway place for meaningful objects. add intention and intuition, your career as an unquali ed Facebook doctor 305.304.2837 Website Tavernier, FL 33070 It focuses the eye and and you have created your www.TheConchTelegraph.com Renovations Omar Perez Off: (305) 853-5982 today! [email protected] [email protected] Cell: (305) 586-7326 101425 Overseas Hwy., PMB #628 E-Commerce Fax: (305) 853-5987 provides a place for contem- first altar. Remember that Key Largo, Florida Keys 33037 305.453.4281 Maintenance Email: [email protected] plation and, if so desired, it isn't necessarily about www.upperkeys.net Website: www.keysforsale.com ritual. All of these elements the objects you place at can be quite simple. One idea your altar--it is the time PHONES for a simple altar is a pot you spend with it daily, FIXED FAST with a bulb planted in it, set taking the time to be with it on a box. This altar to for your sacred time. 305-896-1675 call or text [email protected] Reprinted from DailyOM - Inspirational thoughts for a happy, KeysSmartphoneRepair.com healthy and fulfilling day. Register for free at www.dailyom.com 90270 Overseas Hwy., Tavernier, FL 33070 Inside the Marathon Gas Station at mm90 Bayside 24 • The Coconut Telegraph • September 2020
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MM82 at the Mermaid Nightly SUNSET CELEBRATION! Voted the best sunset location year after year! LoreleiCabanaBar.com 305-664-2692 This Month’s Live Entertainment and Events at the Lorelei Happy Hour 7 days • 4-6pm $3 Well Drinks $1 off Bottle Beers LIVE MUSIC $1 off House Wines 7 DAYS A WEEK! $1.25 Domestic Drafts Waterfront Dining! $2.25 Specialty Drafts
Open for Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner • 7am-10pm Enjoy breakfast on the deck overlooking the water. Enjoy lunch or dinner on the beach.
"SUNDAY SCHOOL" $3 Bloody Marys, Mimosas The Rockin' Magic of MICHAEL TRIXX & Screwdrivers Most MONDAYS • WEDNESDAYS • FRIDAYS at Sunset every Sunday, 7 to 11 am
We have 32 world-renowned FISHING GUIDES based at Lorelei!