II thoughtthought itit waswas funnyfunny selected humour from 3 decades of free flight Tony Burton editor Gil Parcell illustrator free flight the fun collection Here is a collection of much of the funny stuff that has been in free flight over the years – the earliest entry was from 1976 – but the material has been organized by author or theme. Enjoy. The book reads better if it is printed double sided rather than viewed a page at a time on your monitor because many facing pages are layed out to be seen together. Clubs, print out a copy or two for your clubhouse. We have been privileged over many years to have had Gil Parcell among our throng. He was a professional illustrator and cartoonist beginning back in the 60s, and the day he took up gliding as a pas- time was start of a long happy association with editors in Canada and the USA, and his work has filtered into gliding publications around the world. His style is distinctive; what isn’t Gil’s is by Mike Morgulis (for the Bald Eagle stories), and a few one-offs. ❦ Spring Fever Oh, what a glorious day! to be tending my garden this May little bird’s harmonizing, bumblebees bumble-izing, for what could a mere mortal pray? A sudden gust … What’s this … a thermal? What am I doing in this stinking weed patch when I could be soaring? Jack Olson Desiderata 4 Anon. Zen pilots and tribal elders 5 Casey at the Nats 6 All the bells and whistles 7 Reach for the sky 9 the “Bald Eagle” The Bald Eagle meets the Falcon 12 A visit with Mike and Cheryl 14 No particular place to go 15 } Workshop glossary 16 anon. Rules for homebuilders 17 Tony Burton Harry’s Handy Hardware 18 an Aviary of Gliding Types 20 Eric Newsome & Gil Parcell Anger in the hangar 27 Tony Burton Help wanted – tow pilot 28 Tom Schollie The perfect tow pilot 29 Ian Colquhoun Sloth 30 Avarice 31 “Platypus” Gluttony 32 } Lust 33 The hot shot 34 Don Clarke Trylan Erra 35 Gil Parcell Bumble and the Gremlins 36 Eric Newsome & Gil Parcell 1920 regulations for operating aircraft 45 anon. IFR (in flight refreshment) procedures 46 Phil Thorndyke The Parable of the Visitor 48 “Helix” Random thoughts – to utter the unutterable 50 Angelos Yorkas The dark side of competition 52 “Platypus” The master versifier revealed 53 A wider world beyond 54 Kemp Ward & Tom Matthews “few crew” 55 } “the Golden Bond” 56 “the Glider Pilot and the Maiden” 57 Pat Wood “Cross-country (with a little help)” 57 anon. The Parable of Joe 58 anon. Span is for wimps 59 Chris Davidson Environment Canada in forecast scandal 61 anon. Hee, hee! 62 Kai Gertsen The real soaring pilot 63 anon. The Perfect Partner 64 David Howse The great pilot hierarchy 65 anon. Flyin’ the Cowley wave 66 anon. Recent discovery in Europe 67 Paton Cleckheaton The Genesis of the Geoid 68 Alan Murphy Standard units of measure 69 various Let’s make a law – still on the books 69 Robert Pelton Canadian Air Regulations – introductory paras 69 anon. Spring has sprung – 2 69 Marty Slater No one gets lost these days 70 Val Brain The DUMB IDEAS nav system 72 JJ Jinx & Gil Parcell Beating the system – max flying in club ships 75 Really anon. Czechlist des Oberleutnant Pfelz, Kommandant der Ka6 76 anon. Ceramic characteers in gliding 77 Norm Taylor Other than that it was a great flight 77 Dick Mamini The instructor stood at the Pearly Gate … 77 anon. The 10 Commandments of Gliding 78 anon. Simple Suggestions – 8 rules to happy soaring 79 Dave Baker Desiderata GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE of the towplanes & remember what peace there is in the silence at 5000 feet • As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with the towpilot • Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant – they too have their good flights • Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations when you are preparing to fly • If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain or bitter, for there always will be novices or Diamond pilots about • Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans; keep trying for that next badge leg • Exercise caution in competition, for contest pilots are full of guile • But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many pilots striving for height get help from those already in lift • Be yourself • Especially do not feign affectation • Neither be cynical about lift, for in the face of sink and poor landing areas it is as perennial as the grass • Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth – let the younger club members push the gliders to the flight line • Nurture strength of spirit to shield you when lift fails • But do not distress yourself over poor forecasts, many fears are born of fatigue & loneli- ness in the cockpit • Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with the con- trols • You are a child of the universe, no less than the power pilots & jet jockies – you have a right to some airspace • And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should • Therefore be at peace with the CFI, whatever you conceive him to be; and whatever your labours & aspirations this season, in the noise and confusion on the flight line, keep peace with your fellow pilots • With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful sport • Be careful • Soar to be happy • Found in the map pocket of an old 2–22, dated 1954. 4 had flown last, and Kevin was kind enough to take me Zen pilots & up in BEK, Peter Rawes’ venerable Twin Lark, in which Peter gave me my licence exam many years ago. tribal elders Speaking of Ernie again, the classic Volvo he has owned the Bald Eagle since new, for 18 years, doesn’t have a trailer hitch. When he radioed on the last contest day that he would not, for a change, be landing out, his hitch equipped crew went home! Would I go 100 km out of my way to ELL, THERE I WAS, attending yet another Ontario tow his glider back to SOSA? I assumed that this was W Provincial Contest. In the past, I have competed, simply a ploy to wrest the already awarded “Hardship” towed, parked cars, run ropes, done retrieves, and so trophy from Kevin, so, to avoid the hassle of me having on. This year the hard work was done by others, so I to change the scoring, I trailered it home for him. could just relax and enjoy the sun, marvel at the profes- sionalism of the old timers, and the enthusiasm of the Perhaps the best example of helping others was York’s new folk. Most especially, I got to renew old acquaint- David MacKenzie loaning his PW-5 to Jim Carpenter, ances. They’re a bunch of great people who I only get so that Jim could join us. Jim did not insure his glider to see at such fests, and I look forward to meeting this year. He keeps current flying intros at SOSA. Now, them again. Jim has been around a long while. He and Wilf Krueger compete for the “Second Oldest in the Contest” tro- Some of the folk who fly contests are like those guys phy next to Walter Weir. Jim flew the very first glider who show up at stag parties just because they like to into SOSA’s current location, has a wealth of stories play poker. They don’t care about the location or who about flying in the fifties, and has done well in contests the host is, they crave the action. They come from far in Canada and around the world. Can you imagine get- away, they make sacrifices and deal with vexatious issues ting your first intro ride from him? Would he take you just to be involved, to compete, and to perhaps have a away for 500 kilometres? Would he discuss his fourteen few flights with a purpose, a task, directed by others, references in free flight, ranging from “Jim Carpenter instead of taking the regular weekend easy route of just does beer commercial in Libelle”, and “new contest heading off where they think there might be lift. won by Carpenter”, to answering probing questions about fake photos that he had submitted to free flight? I like to watch and listen to the contest pilots, hear the tales of yesterday’s fun and follies, of today’s chal- I’m not certain of David’s flying history, other than all lenges, and to learn from them. This year, I have been of his clothing says “Omarama” and he claims to have flying vicariously through others. A famous movie critic once been on the same frequency as Chuck Yeager, suggests that movies will always have an attraction, but at York he is a cross between a curmudgeon and a separate from their artistic merit or box office appeal, tribal elder. Tall, distinguished, with a long, white beard, because they offer a young man an opportunity to sit in Dave is the person you go to to get advice and solve the balcony and put his arm around the girl beside him. problems, and he smokes a pipe. He smokes a pipe Well, folks, this is why I show up at contests. I may not for two reasons: first to irritate his wife Eilean, and fly this year, I’ll never be ‘Dirty Harry’, but I still get a to use it to punctuate his paternal pontifications.