Q&A with Jason Gray

Celebrating 35 Years of Changing the Lives of People Who Stutter FOURTH QUARTER 2012

119 W. 40th Street, 14th Floor, New York, NY 10018 :: 800.WeStutter (937.8888) :: 212.944.4050 :: email: [email protected] :: www.WeStutter.org

recent years doing call-in radio interviews Q&A with Jason Gray when a new record is releasing. With long MANDY FINSTAD and awkward pauses I’m a deejay’s worst Editor Mandy Finstad was able to catch up with award-winning Christian nightmare! For many years I would ask my recording artist and PWS Jason Gray recently and ask him a few questions wife to do my talking for me. This often felt about life, music, and how his stuttering has affected both. emasculating and painful for the both of us. Sometimes I would even get frustrated with MF :: You’ve a knack for finding and fact, have a transparency about them that is her for not saying things the way that highlighting strengths within weaknesses; refreshing. I think this can be one of the gifts I would have said them myself. Our pain do you think that this comes from growing of being a PWS. I think it’s also a gift to oth- often turns to anger and affects everyone up as a person who stutters (PWS)? ers around us. The more at ease we become around us. with our imperfections, the more it helps to I felt like my fear of stuttering stole my JG :: You know, over the years I’ve come set others at ease about their own. Our weak- voice from me, and much of my journey has to understand that one of the gifts of my nesses can make us a safe place for others to been about reclaiming it. And more than speech impediment is that at a very early be weak as well. that: understanding that my stuttering gives age it denied me the chance to practice me a unique voice – one that, because of my hiding. Around middle school, I think we MF :: What sort of adversities did you face weakness, has a unique potential to be heard start perfecting the art of hiding our weak- as a child because of your speech? And as and bring healing to others. nesses while trying to appear so strong and a young adult? Any particular incidents you competent. And over time we get really would like to share? MF :: At what point (either what age or good at it! But it’s a kind of lying that after what event) did you assume your requires we put up a façade that says to the JG :: I got teased a good bit, but that wasn’t positive attitude of acceptance? world, “I’m doing fine, my life is just great.” the worst of it. For me the internal trauma of But that’s a very lonely way to live and isn’t the embarrassment and shame was the worst, JG :: It was gradual, and some days it’s easier healthy for us or for those around us. as well as the frustration of why – no matter to hold on to than others. But my faith In some ways as a stutterer, I didn’t have how hard I tried – I couldn’t talk right. I felt played a very important role in this. The as much opportunity to develop my hiding like a fool and it left me with a deep wound more I grew in the Christian understanding skills since every time I opened my mouth of insecurity. As a young man you want so of the upside down “Kingdom of God” – it was clear that something about me was much to be strong and confident, especially that Jesus inaugurated in the sermon on the broken. I couldn’t hide it. Make no mistake, when it comes to social things like dating. mount with words like, “blessed are the poor I’ve still (unfortunately) learned to hide other It’s funny to me now, but one of the hardest in spirit, for the Kingdom of God belongs weaknesses along the way, but in general I parts was how it made me feel around girls. to them; blessed are the meek, for they will think having a speech impediment forced It was often humiliating. The other difficulty inherit the earth…” – the more I was able me to reckon with my imperfections in a was that I really had a lot to say but felt I to see my stuttering as something potentially way I might not have otherwise learned. could never say it. In the classroom I always redemptive and beautiful. The Christian I had to learn how to make peace with it. had the desire to participate in discussion, notion of weakness as an opportunity – to People commend me all the time for my but instead kept quiet, always afraid of being reveal a deeper strength, to be led to grace, “transparency” and “authenticity”, and I called on. etc. – reshaped my thinking in profound and really believe that this is the fruit of growing Ordering a pizza over the phone was an exciting ways. I began to think that I would up a stutterer. Most stutterers I’ve met, in almost insurmountable challenge. Or in move forward in my life and my work not in continued on page 6 WHAT’SINSIDE

Message From Our Chair ...... 2 Exceeding Expectations! ...... 6 Giving Thanks ...... 2 Join Us ...... 7 Money Matters ...... 3 Jawbreaker ...... 8 Odds & Ends ...... 3 A Stutterer’s World: A Haiku ...... 8 Be sure to check out ‘WeStutter’ Chapter News ...... 4 Happy Holidays ...... 8 on Facebook and Twitter today! Saying Goodbye ...... 5 www.WeStutter.org

www.WeStutter.org tee, of Directors and Chair Nominating Commit and sincerity by our Vice-Chair of the Board speeches was the one delivered with passion that, Iamthankful. ing and support because of the NSA, and for have formed alifelong bond of understand making usproud. These young two men his military career, our serving country and stuttering community asBraden embarks on stage to bethanked for allhis efforts in the asked his peer mother, NSA the his of then love the to and McDevitt A highlight for me was when teen with unforgettable moments shared by all. the 700+ mark in conference attendance, people who stutter. Once again we cracked TAMMY FLORES Giving Thanks to deeply influence the lives of others just haven of understanding and opportunities includes stuttering. The NSA provides asafe we are connected because our life journey any other diverse gathering of people, yet Tampa, Florida. 2012 conference, held near my home in ing the NSA and my memories of the surround mytial.” emotions embody Both to bea ‘person of influence’ to be influen that caught my eye is “You don’t have it shelter to speak to you.” Another phrase lay this quote by Emily Dickinson: “I felt this message to you. On the page Iopened inspiration, and did soin advance of writing quality canvas. Irefer to it often to find giving the quotes and stories amuseum- space, bold colors, and modern design, It isgraphically exquisite, with lots of white People Does it Take to Make aDifference? My favorite book isentitled SHERYL HUNTER Message From OurChair Among the many other memorable Members of the NSA are as different as Kenny Koroll compared the support he feels from Braden Barber . Kenny shared how the advocacy organization for tinues to bethe strongest Stuttering Associationcon National the that thanks other holiday season, Igive and we enter into an 2012As comes to aclose How Many to come upon Garrett

- - - - and Committeeand members, Leaders Chapter time and talents. To our volunteers –Board the hundreds of people who volunteer their you. without as anorganization. We simply couldn’t do it the fulfillment of our mission and futureour contributions, large and small, are critical to in 2012. In these trying times, your financial tions that provided financial support to us acknowledge the individuals and organiza help with the work of the NSA. We gratefully tering community, for financial support and speech, the NSA relies upon YOU, the stut as your Executive Director. honored, and thankful to beable to serve any other event. That iswhy Iamproud, life changing and bonding experiences at related to her speech. You cannot find these no longer isheld back by fear and shame the woman she was meant to bebecause she in ashort amount of time, blossoming into about his wife, heartfelt words of the were there Then volunteerism. and tions sustain our own organization through dona to usallaslong aswe help to nurture and NSA has been his cure and yet isavailable call that young woman who came only once friend along to the 2013 conference. You could for the newsletter. Perhaps you canbring a write to story a have you Maybe inspirational. in considering how to bemore influential and the Board of Directors. I invite you to join me to aclose, along with my first chairingyear ments such asthose fostered by the NSA. pen when you seekout supportive environ alone for information; these moments hap cannot get these moments searching the web bring to mind that influenced us deeply. You listen to her. We eachhave moments we can support and accept his amazing child and he doesn’t have to fix this; he just has to love, that another tells Dad one that moment the football in the waves of the Florida Gulf. Or a group of other who kids stutter, throwing a you seeyour child completely at among ease encing moments together. Like the moment through the process of sharing and experi Another year of these moments iscoming Nor could we fulfill our mission without KennyAs sopassionately expressed in his Jaime Andy Habing , who has come sofar who spoke spoke who - - -

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- the New Year? You might bethe one to make How canwe make the NSA even better in the organization, but it isyou that we serve. wishes. The Board isresponsible for leading like to hear from you about your needs and map out short- and long-term plans. We’d the Board of Directors will bemeeting to with aneye toward the future. In February ence the future of your organization. again. We need your time and talents to influ to the chapter meeting to invite her to come single one of you! given my family and happy holidays to every a difference, solet your voice beheard! Chair SherylHunterwithherfamilyatthe2012Conference and thank you! there! you of extraordinary stuttering, and Ihope I’ll see YOU. Together we will give thanks for alifetime you’re 10 or 90. Our theme will beallabout you’ve one, all,whether or attended whether party, and everyone isinvited; it doesn’t matter Association’s conference. It’s ahuge birthday 30th anniversary of the National Stuttering special celebration, as2013 will bethe Scottsdale, Arizona, we are planning avery that word thank you for discovering and spreading the for support, knowledge, and community, children, teens, and adults who come to us makes you invaluable partners. families and to share with usyour knowledge how better to people serve who stutter and their Conference. Your commitment to discovering support usduring the year, aswell at the Annual without Speech-Language Pathologists who others to experience the gift of giving back. We truly appreciate allyou do and we encourage a hand whenever they seeaneed –thank you! and Regional Coordinators, and those who lend We close out 2012 asastrong organization Thank you for the moments you have Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones, Next year, asour conference returns to Finally, fathers,mothers,spouses, the to Our NSA family wouldn’t becomplete NATIONAL STUTTERINGASSOCIATION “If you stutter, you’re not alone.”

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ODDS & MONEYMATTERS ENDSMANDY FINSTAD BILL SMITH

We call this article we hope that you will contribute. There are The National “Money Matters” because so many ways to do so – we particularly Stuttering As- it does. Money enables encourage signing up for our Support sociation wishes the NSA to help people Beyond Words program, where each month to congratulate who stutter: through an amount you select is donated to NSA Cathy Olish and our life-changing Annual through your credit card. I do this, and I can Ron Maciejewski Conference, our outreach vouch for it as a painless and efficient way to on their engage- to families and teens, our website, and support your favorite charity. This method of ment! Cathy is even this issue of LETTING GO. Yet we support is particularly beneficial to the NSA a proud native of Michigan and enthusias- still reach only a small percentage of people because a reliable income flow helps us meet tic member of the one of the most active who stutter. The stronger we are as an our monthly expenses. Please refer to our NSA chapters, Royal Oak, and is a human organization, the more we can expand our website for details. resources representative for Ford Motor Co. outreach to let people who stutter know We also have the ability to receive in Dearborn. that We Are Not Alone! donations of stock – transferring stock The NSA would also like to congratulate The NSA continues on a sound financial which has appreciated in value over the David Resnick on his recent marriage to Dana basis in the wake of a successful 2012 An- years is very likely your most tax-efficient Friedman. David and Dana were married on nual Conference in St. Petersburg, Florida, method of supporting the NSA – and we September 2nd in Charleston, SC. They met and an even larger conference in Fort Worth urge you to consider this form of support. in NYC just weeks after David attended his in 2011. We continue to receive “restricted And, while nobody likes to think about it, first NSA chapter meeting and posted to his fund” donations that are mainly used to we would be honored if you could consider online dating profile that he is a person who provide financial assistance to our members the NSA in your estate planning process. We stutters. Currently living in Los Angeles, and their families who would otherwise welcome inquires at the NSA office in New the Resnicks are not be able to attend our Annual Confer- York regarding the various ways to support looking forward ences, providing an extra opportunity to NSA, as well as any requests for additional to attending the participate in this very special experience. financial information. 2013 conference One measure of the NSA’s sound As you can see, we do a lot with relatively in Scottsdale management is that only 4.5% of our little. With additional support we could together! Con- expense dollars go for fundraising – expand our programs to reach even more gratulations, much less than most non-profit, charitable people who stutter, so please consider David and Dana! organizations spend. Nearly 90% of our making a donation of any amount now! (Photo by Corey Brown, Tumbleston Photography) budget goes toward program services that So easy to do – just visit our website and Congratulations also to Justin Matley and directly benefit people who stutter and their click on “Donate Now.” It feels good! Erin Fitting who celebrated their wedding families – including the Annual Conference ••••••••••••••••••••••••••• recently. The NSA wishes them the best in and workshops, administration of our more Bill Smith, a NSA member since 2000, has their new life together! than 100 local chapters, publications like been a board member and treasurer since Out of thousands of charities across the LETTING GO and FAMILY VOICES, our 2005. He lives in Riverwoods, Illinois, and is a nation, the National Stuttering Association brochures for teachers and educators member of the Chicago Metro North chapter. was chosen to take part in the 2012 Chase on childhood stuttering, our website and Community Giving program, which grants Facebook pages, and of course, the ex- $5 million to over 195 local charities. Thanks pense of the personnel who deliver these to all of your votes, the NSA qualified for a services. The remaining 6% is categorized Chase Community Giving grant of $10K! as administrative, routine expenses neces- A sincere ‘thank you’ to all who voted and sary to maintain our efficient organization. passed the message along to others. Our Member support helps the NSA to stretch votes – and voices – were heard! our dollars. As examples, our office space in New York is donated and several hundred volunteers donate their time to our chapters, workshops, and national conference. Although we receive a few corporate and foundation grants, most of the NSA’s cash support comes from member contributions. Thanks! If you believe in the NSA’s mission, and especially if you benefit from our programs, www.WeStutter.org

CHANGING THE LIVES OF PEOPLE WHO STUTTER 3

www.WeStutter.org as anew member. year. The group isthrilled to have Bryan ing his comfort zones in the new school also talked about his efforts to keep expand met in Fort Worth and St. Petersburg. They and deepening friendships with PWS he conferences. He talked about reconnecting to meetings but he has already attended two attendance. in mother one and resumed regular meetings with PWS six and August off the Central NJ Chapter Hannah Laday Central NJ BLAZINA DAVID CHAPTER meeting after asummer with more informal scheit downtownMinneapolis. in Thursday, 9/13, at Bethlehem Baptist Church The Twin Cities chapter of the NSA met on Twin Cities, MN Family Chapters’ Facebook group. about it asshe will beposting areport on the careers were represented. You can read more for this event and feels that awide variety of Chapter. She’s thrilled that people stepped up presented on acareer panel for the TWST from various corners of NJ and Staten Island this was agreat experience for everyone. Based on the e-mails Hannah later received, George, Hannah, Bill, Lesa, and George. In another class the speakers were doing this for everyone except Hannah and Lesa In one class, spoke to SLP two graduate classes at Kean. and time pressure. anticipatory anxiety, letting go of regrets, met. Some of the topics touched on were since it had been awhile since they last regular member of the Central NJ Chapter. opportunities, not to mention being avery presentation and has taken on new speaking day.every He frequently refers to brought to him and isusing it in his life ing advantage of somuch that the NSA has his room in Scottsdale! Bill isreally tak much from it that he has already booked a conference in St. Petersburg. He gained so On Friday, Sept. 14th, several adult PWS On Monday, Sept. 10th, several members The group eachdid ageneral check-in Bill , and talked about his first time attending writes that it was their first regular John George reports that after takingJuly spoke. This was the first time , Hannah Linda Hinder , Bill, , Bill, Bryan Leslie Bill Wade Clydette isnew . NEWS -

s’s , - in stuttering. Her mom blames herself about to college to become anSLP and specialize school. She alsoshared that she hopes to go how to deal with the teasing that she gets in others who stutter and get some ideas of talk. Kayla came because she wanted to meet was happy to welcome them. chapter through the internet and the group from the Madison area. threeAll found the for the first time, as well asan SLP ( many!). as well asthree new people (afirst to have so included ‘AWESOME! Just Awesome!’ Participants attend their recent meeting, and that it was Gloria Klumb Madison, WI with stuttering in one’s life was discussed. and how that might when beuseful dealing municators. Theconceptof “mindfulness” speech, and evolving into more effective com of their speech, less judgmental about their that have worked for them to bemore aware tering. Some members talked about strategies difficult situations and the variability of stut another and then to have adiscussion about group usedthe time to catch upwith one SLP grad students from the Uof M. The ter), three other people who stutter, and three three co-leaders present of (two whom stut so they didn’t have alarge group. There were (especially asthe days start getting shorter), outside and ‘play while the playing isgood’ Minnesotans are known to usethose to get ing in August. It was agorgeous evening, and social outings in June and July and no meet they loved them. loved they Something sosimple just made their day – pen, and a “Stutter Like aRock Star” bracelet. timer’s packet including NSA pamphlets, a more about stuttering. Deb Ostman with spoken State. She has west coast and takingacourse at Washington Certified and talked about traveling to the found us, the time was right for them. ing ready’ for support, and that when they Kayla feeling soalone. We talked about ‘be Each of our first timers received afirst Laura would like to become Board Each of the first timers had achance to Kayla Matt, Ken, Keith, Erin and excited isvery to learn reported that eight people (17) and her mom Erin Dyer and Gloria, Trisha Laura and

came

) - - - - - 15 Things You ShouldGiveUptobeHappy out copies of this list: the and that they got alot out of it. Charlie read they allfelt that it wasgood avery meeting tian person and was not being made of. fun liked the fact that the character was astrong acquainted with one in real life. They also terer and thought he must bepretty well with Seth McFarlane’s impression of astut had aproblem with it. They were impressed Live ing drill sergeant sketch from stutter the watched they and computer the know exactly what they’re talkingabout. people should give upon criticism unless they we need to give up. Christian said he thought end upblaming ourselves, and that iswhat thought that when we place blame, we usually the list were based in fear, and Vicki said she ing with three in attendance - The Houston chapter held their latest meet Houston, TX Cheese Heads at the 2013 Conference. will have agreat showing of Wisconsin a few other members, have agreed to go. class this month. of All our new people, plus been invited to speak at aUW Madison SLP 12. 14. 10. 13. 15. 11. 2. 4. 6. 8. 3. 1. 5. 9. 7. After the pizza break Vicki cranked up Charlie said he thought allthe items on The group isalsohoping that Madison In other news, the Madison chapter has

people’s expectations. Give upliving your life to other attachment. Give up Give upthe past. Give upyour excuses. Give upon your fears. Give uplabels. Give upyour resistance to change. Give upyour need to impress others. Give upthe of luxury criticism. Give upcomplaining. Give upyour limiting beliefs. Give upyour self-defeating self-talk. Give upon blame. Give upyour need for control. Give upyour need to always beright. Welcoming Words , and . threeAll thought it was funny and none NATIONAL STUTTERINGASSOCIATION Vicki . Despite the modest turnout, turnout, modest . the Despite and then Vicki passed Saturday Night Charlie , Chris - - - - CHANGING THELIVESOF PEOPLEWHOSTUTTER hear what the organization was about includ more! Many people stopped by to listen and handed out pamphlets, flyers, pens, pins and community awareness on August 4th asthey flea market to promote the NSA and spread Chapter of the NSA from setting upat alocal 100 degree heat did not keep the Syracuse Syracuse, NY tering or the awkwardness? This isaclassic it? In other words, what came first, the stut sometimes feel socially awkward, what causes do stutterers as we If debate. the stimulated abounded. One response in particular further tion, or bewilderment. Diversity of opinion room with looks of amusement, consterna Both of these questions instantly filled the awkward? Doyou consideryourself • communicator? Doyou consideryourself • who asked the group: chapter member (and TWST chapter leader) tions of the night came from along-time to to pose the group. it turnsAs out, they did. had any burning questions that they wanted any attendees, either long-timers or newbies, More importantly, they wanted to know if free-flow and spontaneity this time around. Josh decided the meeting needed alittle more exclusively around these points. Devin and the meeting and then facilitated discussion ers have setout atheme or series of topics for than usual. For along time, the chapter lead supportive friend. not new to NSA meetings), one SLP, and one including one newcomer to the chapter (but There were atotal of 15 people in attendance and The Los Angeles Chapter, co-led by Los Angeles,CA stutters. Pictured isco-leader David Haas. going to wear it in support of her son who it best asshe took awristband saying she was ing several speech therapists. One visitor said The most two thought-provoking ques The topic for the night was less defined Josh , met on Wednesday, August 15. socially agood Devin - -

- - - ( SLP (co-leader, 4 PWS ( and that there were people six in attendance: latest meeting was held at Nazareth College Paul Tucci Rochester, NY future meeting. Malcolm Frazer which she plans to usein a a copy of audience. Tanya alsonoted that she was given great way to practice speakingin front of an feedback. Participants all agreed that it’s a spoke during open mic also wanted some and body language, and everyone elsewho Tim view. There was alsoan open mic session. will let the group know ifshe gets aninter She’s going to return the application and and how she was nervous and had ablock. for ajob application at aclothing store the wedding. Tanya talked about asking prepare for aspeech that he will give during upcoming wedding and his goal was to asthebe serving best man at his friend’s with adiscussion about goals. most recent meeting. The meeting started group had ten people in attendance at their Tanya Banks Royal Oak,MI night and bowling. upcoming activities, e.g. Dodgers baseball had discussing it. answer was not found, but alot of was fun chicken and the question. egg A definitive likely evolve over time. during the conversation and the format will group discussions. Many ideas were offered like to include more people in leading the the format of their meetings and how they’d month’s meeting was adiscussion concerning the of The meeting began with achoral reading recovering from and surgery isdoing well. meeting. Theirco-leader, Michelle The meeting ended with reminders about wanted feedback on eye contact, rate, Welcoming Words Ronald, Jack, Rob, ) who was attending her first Self-Therapy for the Stutterer writes that the Rochester Chapter’s writes that the Royal Oak, MI Enid ), and one SLP student . The bulk of this Angela and Paul), one Stu , ishome will by by

- Insurance Company and was co-founder years with Massachusetts Mutual Life a successful life insurance agent for forty his family in the Los Angeles area. He was actively involved in his career and raising CA. Until he retired to the desert, he was and Pomona College, both in Claremont, and graduated from The Webb School He attended Beverly Hills High School on December 2, 1923 in Los Angeles, CA. home in Palm Desert, CA. He was born Saying Goodbye legacy.com/obituaries/thedesertsun *Obituary excerpts taken from http://www. memory of Hastings.Al Episcopal Church Memorial Fund in donations are welcome to St. Margaret’s Church in Palm Desert. In lieu of flowers, at 2:00 p.m. at St. Margaret’s Episcopal service will beheld November 17, 2012 great-grandchildren. A Celebration of Life father of seven grandchildren and two Wolfe Heintz. He was aproud grand children, Jim Wolfe, Anne Wolfe and Paki Hastings and Carol Hastings; three step- three children, Virginia Hastings, Richard Center.Kirkup via his generous support of the UC Irvine also achampion of research in stuttering organizations, including our own. was Al of grants are provided to worthwhile Foundation, through which hundreds Directors for the Luella Morey Murphey er of the NSA, on serving the Board of MassMutual’sof Agent’s Association. He issurvived by his wife Liz;his was alongAl time friend and support April 27, 2012 at his friend, passedaway great-grandfather and father, grandfather, Beloved husband, Hastings, Jr. Alfred Brown - - 5 www.WeStutter.org Exceeding Expectations! JIM McCLURE Q&A WITH JASON GRAY continued If you’ve never been to a spite of my handicap, but rather because of it. JG :: I was never aware that anyone in my NSA conference, the odds The greatest turning point was when I read family had an issue, but when my dad are in your favor that Henri Nouwen’s book, The Wounded Healer struggled with alcoholism for a season in his attending the conference where he proposes that it is through our own life, I remember once when I picked him up will help you will meet wounds that we bring healing to others. I after he’d had a little too much to drink, he new friends, improve your self-confidence, decided that that’s what I wanted to be: a started stuttering. I remember him saying, and receive support. And you’ll have a won- wounded healer. (imagine slightly slurred speech here) “Dam- derful time. Just ask the folks who joined us That doesn’t mean it’s not still painful in mit, this always happens to me when I’ve had at the 2012 conference in St. Petersburg! many ways, but now it’s meaningful and it too much…” It was kind of funny in the The conference was a hit, according to has a kind of dignified purpose. moment, but in an odd way helped me. I felt the 274 people who responded to our post- like, “Ah, so maybe that’s where it came from!” conference survey. More than eight out of 10 MF :: Did you ever take part in any sort of I don’t blame him for never saying any- respondents said they were very satisfied with speech therapy when you were younger? thing to me about it before. As for me, I was the overall conference experience, and three- How do you feel about it now, as an adult? terribly afraid that I would pass it on to my quarters said they are certain or very likely Do you participate in any therapy now? kids. Very early on one of my boys began to attend next year’s conference. stuttering, but we learned how to help him Socializing was the most important JG :: I did! I went to a very small rural slow down (thanks to my step-mother-in- reason why adults who stutter attended the school and so it was simply Special Ed. I law) and monitor his speech. Within a conference, and nine out of 10 attendees would be taken out of class to meet with year it went away and he hasn’t had a prob- found it easy to meet people and socialize. a young woman who did not specialize in lem since. I’m grateful for his sake. For all More than 95% of adults said the conference speech pathology but was very sweet. I re- of my talk about making peace with my met or exceeded their expectations in learn- member I enjoyed it. I don’t think she much stuttering, it’s still a huge relief to me that ing new information about stuttering, help- understood the problem, but she was kind all my sons are fluent. I figure that each of ing them feel more self-confident, changing and that goes a long way. Later, I married us in our own way will have to reckon with their attitudes toward stuttering, and getting a wonderful woman whose stepmother is our own particular weaknesses, so they’ll support from other people who stutter. also a stutterer and an accomplished speech still have plenty of opportunities for that Adult workshops drew positive comments pathologist in the Pacific Northwest. So, kind of character building without needing from adults, and the career and 20-somethings I married into free therapy :-) a speech impediment. sessions got high marks from survey respon- She worked with me, though at times dents. First-time attendees were satisfied with because she was family I felt an innate MF :: One peculiar tidbit about stuttering is the adult and parent orientation sessions, and defensiveness that I now regret. I think it that PWS are typically fluent when they sing, felt very welcome at the conference. was hard for me to always wonder if she but as someone who is not only a studio An overwhelming majority of parents said was evaluating my speech whenever I spoke. recording artist, but who also performs on the conference met or exceeded their expecta- I didn’t want to think about it all the time stage as a part of major tours across the tions in improving their self-confidence as over Christmas dinners and family gather- nation, how do you cope with speaking on parents, learning from other parents, and ings. That was all my own insecurity I’m stage in front of large crowds? meeting successful adults who stutter. They sure, but in spite of my self-consciousness said their children socialized readily with the she is great, it was very good, and she helped JG :: Once I embraced the idea of the other kids, participated actively in workshops, me to develop techniques to monitor my wounded healer, my stuttering became less changed their attitudes about stuttering, and speech that have served me well and made and less of a liability in my mind and more enjoyed the conference experience overall. a big difference in my life. and more of an asset – an amazing opportu- The majority of speech-language I’m not in therapy now, but I find that nity to engage my audience in a conversation pathologists at the conference reported that as I get older I’m more and more fluent. about weakness as a virtue. Since for most of the continuing education sessions exceeded I attribute it to being increasingly at peace us our weakness is a source of deep shame their expectations in learning about stuttering with all of it. It seems that I stutter the most and anxiety, my stuttering granted me access treatment and research, and in interacting when I’m the most afraid of stuttering. The to a very intimate dialogue with people. If with people who stutter. Two-thirds said the less I care about it, the less it troubles me. I didn’t stutter I don’t think I would be as conference was better than most educational That’s how I interpret it, at least. effective as I am in the work I love. The opportunities in fluency disorders. strange turn of events is that I feel like the Conference attendees enjoyed conference MF :: There is a known genetic link with stut- nights when I’m fluent and barely stutter at events and tours, and most were very tering; does anyone else in your family stut- all may be more of a liability than when I do! satisfied with their stay at the Vinoy ter, or do any of your own children stutter? Having experienced the strength that comes

www.WeStutter.org Renaissance Resort.

6 NATIONAL STUTTERING ASSOCIATION in theworld? mindset thattheirstutteristhe worst thing give otherPWSwhomightbestuck ina in Africa; whatadvice/perspective canyou Vision’s HopeInitiativeserving AIDS orphans for yourprolific volunteerworkwith World as aChristianrecording artist, you’re known Inadditiontoyoursuccessfulcareer MF :: important role in allof that. speech impediment has certainly played an compassionate, and more loving, and my makes me better, wiser, more human, more he answered with one word: “Pain.” when Igrow up. How did you become you?” mouth you blow my mind! Iwant to beyou to him, “George, time every you open your the wisest man that Iknow. Recently Isaid I have amentor in my life right now that is have forced me to face my limitations, etc. grateful for the ways that my imperfections engagement will always reward us, and I’m healthy; it won’t make uswhole. Deeper selves that we’d rather not. But escapism isn’t ask usto know certain things about our or spiritual –are confrontational. very They imperfection –whether physical, emotional, the questions they raise. Brokenness and with allof us, Ithink, but we tend to avoid into these things. These feelings are always JG :: had indealingwithspeech? inspiration comes from thehardships you’ve would yousaythatmuchofyoursongwriting one timeoranotherintheirspeechjourneys; something thatmanyPWSexperienceat insecurity, loneliness, andlossoffaith, I Am’ speaksinspiringlytofeelingsof MF :: Your latestsingle ‘Remind Me Who lot of people. out of something that painful for isvery a gimmick. That would bemaking aplaything too. Inever want my speech to become a that, about there’s healthy and something to dig deeper into other areas of weakness, cope without it. However, this just forces me speech impediment that it’s almost harder to it. I’ve received somuch grace through my to me in my weakness, I’ve come to rely on CHANGING THELIVESOF PEOPLEWHOSTUTTER I think of the ways that my own pain I think my speech has helped me tune

are sooften kind, beautiful people with a stutter who I’ve met over the years. They makes me think of the many people who to care about the difficulties of others. This that their own difficulties have helped them that sponsor kids. I imagine that this means through or are in the midst of hardships that usually it’s those who have gone there told me that their research indicates quartersin Federal Way, WA and someone we think aspeople who stutter. any to start aconversation about the way in my life. Ithink that’s asgood aplace as trying to aneviction serve notice to the fear For me that song isaprotest song –me called “No Thief Like Fear” with the lyric: significant, and the last will befirst. weak are the strongest, the least are the most it’s definition powerof and strength: that the the upside down nature of Christianity and thinking about my speech –in particular has played alarge partin re-orienting my only has the power that Igive to it. My faith it’s important for me to remember that fear define us in the worst wayspossible, but JG :: There’s no thief like fear There’s no thief like fear Right before my eyes… As he robs meblind He sings his lonely song and Iwill dance I know insecurity isthe worst of I wrote asong for my most recent record I was recently at World Vision’s head We canbeafraid that our imperfections my own enemies -

imperfection gives to us. to remember this surprise gift that our great capacity for empathy. It’s good it happen’.it of Eaglemont Entertainment for ‘making this interview, aswell asto Jordan Greiner heartfelt thanks to Jason for his time during The NSA would like to extend their most •••••••••••••••••••••••••• a few pounds and get healthier :-) is going to look like. And I’m trying to lose what this next season of my life and work next record and beginning to dream about that I’m starting to write songs for my grateful and excited about that. Beyond will beapartof the evening, soI’m so first time we all get to go, and everybody out some of the time, but this will bethe me. We’ve been able to take some of them taking my whole family out on tour with about it because I’ve always dreamed of build atour around it. I’m pretty excited Christmas record and am getting ready to JG :: MF :: What’s comingupnextforyou? I just wrapped uprecording a

7 www.WeStutter.org Jawbreaker PETER FERRARONE

“Won’t your jaw get too sore?” my father is met, I can usually wake up in the morn- asks, giving me a gentle pat on the back and ing pain-free. The first condition is pressure sliding a coffee mug across the table towards to perform. As a person who stutterers, my plate. my speech gets worse at the exact moment I had just made up my mind to move to that people are expecting clarity. When San Diego to pursue a certificate in teaching my uncle and aunt want to know what led English as a Second Language at San Diego to my decision to look for a new job, I feel State University. I had never taught before in the spotlight shift my way. During a class my life. presentation, the audience asks me what Happy Holidays! “Yes,” I admit. steps I took to achieve the results of my On behalf of the NSA Board of Directors I know what it feels like to be stuck in science experiment. In these situations, Sheryl Hunter, Kenny Koroll, the middle of a terrible block. My upper and specific information is required. Whereas Barry Liben, Bill Smith, Cathy Olish, lower lips stiffen and clap together. The veins normally I might avoid certain words or Mitch Trichon, Stephanie Nicolai, in my neck pop out when I contort my face. substitute one word for another, I can’t Jim McClure, Dr. Gerald Maguire, For some mysterious reason, I often tilt my do that here. The result is that my jaw gets Vivian Sisskin, Miranda Smith, head towards the ceiling, as if suddenly I sore as I struggle over difficult, but neces- Pattie Wood, John Tetnowski was overcome by a desire to look for flies. sary, words. and our staff And when I force the words out, they rever- Repetition is the second condition. Tammy Flores, Mandy Finstad, berate off the walls and ceiling above my Typically, it takes three consecutive days of Stephanie Coppen, and Melissa Lopez listener’s head. pressure situations for my muscles to get we wish you and your loved ones a But my father wasn’t questioning whether sore. Somewhere between the second and healthy and happy holiday season! I could speak well enough to effectively com- third day, I suddenly discover that my neck municate the basics of the English language and jaw ache in all the familiar places. My to a group of non-native speakers. He was muscles – just like when I lift weights or doing nothing more than observing the run – need a day to recover. And when A Stutterer’s World: physical realities of my stuttering. Through- they don’t get that, when they’re used too A Haiku out my life, he’s watched me struggle to pro- intensely for too long, they naturally start JIM SARGENT duce speech; and, he figured that my muscles to get sore. must get tired. And they do! But, they don’t When these two conditions occur simul- Tormented by thoughts normally get tired. I stutter every day of my taneously, aches and pains are inevitable. Of saying a simple word life: when I order food at a restaurant and And it doesn’t go away immediately. Even a stutterer’s world when I go on a date; when I am with my after the change of life event is completed, friends and on the phone. My body has be- my pain can linger for three to four days of Constantly dreaming come habituated to these situations. It is the normal, pressure-free, activity, sometimes Of elusive fluency rare day that I come home with a sore jaw. lasting up to one week. However, I am Never to be found However, there is a specific situation symptom free when I yawn or eat, or laugh. (and two conditions) that often leads to It’s only when I contort my mouth into the To a ten year old severe pain. I’ll call it the jawbreaker. I’m positions necessary for speech production Fluency looms at 13 not referring to the mother of all blocks – that pain radiates through my jaw and neck. Surely it is so although I’ve experienced some tough ones. So, back to my father’s initial question: is I am talking about the way that a specific life my jaw going to hurt if I become a teacher? To a teenager event – like a relocation, for example – can My answer is simple. Of course! And yet, as College students don’t stutter lead me to feel like I am “on stage” over the I set off on a new chapter in my life, I am Fluency for sure! course of several days or weeks leading up excited for the challenge and I have hope for to the event. Unlike non-stutters, who can the future. I can push through the pain; and And so it persists probably run the gauntlet of family dinners maybe, one day, my muscles will become From adulthood to old age and parting words without pain, I sometimes habituated to teaching and my concerns On and on and on suffer because of it. will fade away. But I’m not counting on it. In my opinion, there are two conditions People who stutter are challenged in unique But wisdom brings peace that have to occur in order for the “Jaw- ways, but we can’t let our obstacles stand in And stuttering is OK breaker” to lead to pain. If only one of these the way of our ultimate goals! To Hell with them all!

LETTING GO is a forum for views and information about stuttering. The opinions expressed are those of the individual contributors and not necessarily the opinion of the National Stuttering Association. The NSA accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any opinion or information provided by any contributor, nor do we endorse or reject any therapeutic strategies, programs, or devices mentioned in these pages. ©2012 National Stuttering Association. All rights reserved.