Page 12 The Quaker Thursday March 28, 1996

The facts ;''i'Itie ,,. I ljfff• hind the·<(. fiction by April Ramsayer

There are so many When Mariah *Borden evaporated milk The first time he did things that you thought Carey takes a contract.deal, * Dijon mustard stand-up, Damon tossed his you knew about the big she gets more than just a * Did you know that these . jacket off the stage, forget­ "stars." Wait until you read singing contract, but all of people were actually Cheer­ ting that his jokes were on this. You will be shocked to her back stage items as well. leaders? index cards in the pocket. find out some hidden se­ Here are just a few things They once were (and still His first joke: "We were so crets about your favorite she expects behind stage, could be) Cheerleaders: poor, my father drove a 1974 celebrities. · and if'she doesn't receive * Paula Abdul Big Wheel." them she won't perform .... * Katie Courie 6 things "You Oughta * Dr. Joyce Brothers * If you want to steal Chris Know" about Alanis * box of bendy straws "; Kiristie Alley O'Donnell's heart, Then Morissette. * a bag of Quaker .Fat Free *Cybill Shepherd give him the keys to the l)Alanis Apple Cinnamon Rice Batmobile. That is what he

Mbrissette was. born June Cakes. . *These people would never has always wanted. I, in Ottawa, Canada. * Two bottles Simple Peche admit it now, but they used 2) She's 21, a Fren~h sparkling wine to be cheerleaders: * Did you know that Brad Gemini, and has a twin .. * One boitfo-Bel Arbors red *Madonna Pitt had two favorite Christ­ brother, Wade. wine with corkscrew and *Meryl Streep mas gifts when he was a 3) Alanis starred four wineglasses * Jamie Lee Curtis teenager, a Beatles album in Nickelodeon's (You Can't ,* Mforowave ' * Kim Basinger and a cool new red bike . Do That on Television,) . * Wet &. Dry handy wipes * Steve Martin when she was 10. :: * Doy~ white liquid hand *You mayhave thought that 4) The amount of · soap * They missed their spot, celebrities eat healthy food time it took her to write most . *Famous.Amos Fat Fr_ee Fig and the football team still all the time. That thought of th'e songs on Jagged _: Bars · hasn't got over it! · is wrong! They have these Li~e Pill (Maverick: 15 to 45 * S&W large stuffed olives * Jenny Garth outrageous cravings just minutes. . * Eagles Fat Free Sour­ *Duff like you and I. 5) At the MTV " dough Pretzels * Janet Jackson *Eric Nies- PeanutM&M's Video Music 'Awards; · * Wonder Light Lo'w Fat * Courtney Thoresmith * Drew Barrymore- maca­ Alanis was the only per­ .'Whole-Wheat roni and cheese former Madonna bothered bread *Would you want to be part * Joey Lawrence- Peanut to watch. · * Fresh grapefruit (pink, of this pyramid? Butter M&M's 6) The song "You · ;sweet, firm) * Roseanne Arnold * . Garcelle Beauvais­ Oughta Know" is rumored · * Coca-Cola Classic in * Courtney Love Oreo's to be about one of Alanis' ' bottles * Shannen Doherty * Devon Odessa- red shoe­ friends, Matt Leblanc. She ';* Snapple Lemon Flavor * Sinead O'Connor string. licorice says no way. ; Iced Tea * /11arcus Schenkenberg­ ·* Borden Fat Free processed * Did you know that Damon Big Macs Ifyou are planning ··sharp and Wayans, the guy that to have Mariah Carey do a Swiss cheeseslices(l 6) played in In Living Color, The information in this concert tor you, you better _:'. * Ricola drops(lemon,.miht, The Last Boyscout and /110' article has been taken from be prepared to buy her the and yellow) /11oney, started out having the YM and Entertainment world. ·: * Assorted Trident sugar­ bad luck? Weekly. }ess gum