FFR Full Packet

TREATING TRAUMA FROM SEXUAL BETRAYAL WEEK 1: GROUP WELCOME AND INTRODUCTION

Betrayal trauma is a condition that literally parallels PTSD (post- traumatic stress disorder). PTSD can occur anytime the mind attempts to process a traumatic event that surpasses the customary or natural human experience. When trust and safety are broken, the betrayed spouse naturally calls into question the bond they have with their partner, and the reaction is manifested in characteristics aligned with PTSD; namely depression, anxiety, ﬂashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event.

OBJECTIVE The objectives of this week’s group are to get to know the others in your group, help you understand yourself and what your trauma looks like, and review the treatment model for addressing trauma from sexual betrayal.

COMPLETE: ‣ Welcome to Group ‣ Review a Model to Address Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools for Healing

What is something a lot of people don’t know about you?

What is the most fun thing you’ve ever done?

If you had an hour to yourself, what would you do?

What do you hope to accomplish in this group?

CORE SOLUTION #1: CORE SOLUTION #2: CORE SOLUTION #3: CORE SOLUTION SEEK GENUINE INTERNAL CREATING A #4: UNDERSTANDING EXPLORATION: POSITIVE SUPPORT STRENGTHENING AND CREATE A RESOLVE NETWORK WHILE YOUR INNER SELF SAFE AND DIFFICULT REDUCING TRUSTING EMOTIONS AND NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENT HURTFUL BELIEFS INTERACTIONS

COMPONENT Model Explore new and Boundaries Self-trust #1 Compassion old wounds (Key Life Events Inventory)

COMPONENT Understand client/ Identify triggers Establish close Self-care #2 help them feel felt connections

COMPONENT Provide education Find core beliefs Build a support Mindfulness/Yoga #3 and clear about self and team guidance others

COMPONENT Help client listen Process painful Inner circle Resiliency #4 to their inner memories and (identify who’s voice diﬃcult emotions where)

COMPONENT Establish working Treat PTSD Understand Create genuine #5 goals to help symptoms spiritual happiness client feel hope connections

Memories are the key“ not to the past, but to the future.

CORRIE ”TEN BOOM

OBJECTIVE The objective this week is to learn more of your story and background. Through a deep understanding of early life traumas, you will learn how your current relationship triggers add to your trauma.

Our goal this week is that you leave with a deeper understanding about self, see the link between past and present, and gain a deeper appreciation for the feelings you are having.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter One: The Creation of Post Traumatic Stress ‣ Chapter Two: Assessing Trauma from Sexual Betrayal ‣ Chapter Three: Adding Trauma to Trauma ‣ Chapter Four: Stuck in Fight, Flight or Freeze

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ Why Do I Feel like I’m Going Crazy? bit.ly/ADDOBT ‣ What, This is Normal? bit.ly/ADDOBT

KEY LIFE EVENTS TIMELINE All of us have key life events that alter our lives for good or bad. In this assignment, your task is to identify the significant events that have changed your life. Take into account big events such as the death of a loved one, moving, your first sexual experiences, etc. Other things you might include: parents fighting or divorcing, a parent with mental health challenges or substance abuse problems, being bullied on a playground, difficult school or team experiences. Some of these events may have also happened in your adult years (e.g. Health problems, job loss, etc.). Don’t think too much about it, just write down as many experiences as you can think of for the next few minutes. Once you are done, place your experience on the timeline.

Once you are done, place your experiences on the timeline.

Now that you have identiﬁed key life events from the past, what sticks out to you the most? Identify any common themes throughout the timeline as well as the events that had the biggest impact on your life.

When we share our stories, what it does “is it opens up our hearts for other people to share their stories. And it gives us the sense that we are not alone on this journey.

JANINE SHEPHERD”

OBJECTIVE The objective of this week is to understand how discovery inﬂuenced you and how your initial response may be part of unlocking your trauma. We will help you recognize the physical manifestations of your trauma in order to begin working on overcoming the symptoms.

Our goal is that you leave with an understanding of the importance of how Discovery Day (D-Day) has inﬂuenced you. In addition, we want you to understand what healthy disclosures and unhealthy disclosures can do for your relationship.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Five: Discovery, the Painful Beginning

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ How to Make Sense of Your Trauma bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Appendix B: Sharing Your Story ‣ Appendix C: Support Resources for Couples Disclosures

When we share our stories,“ what it does is it opens up our hearts for other people to share their stories. And it gives us the sense that we are not alone on this journey.

JANINE SHEPHERD”

OBJECTIVE If you don’t feel safe, overcoming trauma will be diﬃcult. In this week’s group we will guide you in learning about the safety of your current environment.

We hope that you leave this group with an increased understanding of the importance of safety in your healing. We also want you to begin establishing a plan so that you can create more safety in your life.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Six: The Secret to Healing — It Starts with Safety

WATCH: ‣ No video this week!

COMPLETE: ‣ Page 84: List of Support Checklist ‣ Your Relationship with Others ‣ Finding a Safe, Calm Space

© 2017, Addo Recovery, LLC 10 of 33 FEEL CONNECTED AGAIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS OVERVIEW In this lesson we will help you identify how open you are with others and help you create more meaningful relationships.

INSTRUCTIONS On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being “I already do this” and 1 being “I don’t do this at all,” how would you score yourself in these ﬁve areas? 1. Openness, 2. Honesty, 3. Integrity, 4. Faith & Hope, 5. Understanding of Love.

Once you have the score written, create a game plan to improve each area.

STEP #1 On a scale of 1 - 10, rate the following:

EVENT RATE FROM 1-10 (10 = ALREADY DO IT)

OPENNESS

HONESTY

INTEGRITY

FAITH & HOPE

UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE

STEP #2 How am I going to improve in the areas that need improvement?

Only in a safe environment“ is it adaptive and appropriate to simultaneously inhibit defense systems and exhibit positive social engagement behavior.

DR. STEPHEN” PORGES

INSTRUCTIONS Answer the following questions:

Am I safe?

If I have a safe place, can I inhibit my defense systems and exhibit positive social engagement behavior?

One starts an action“ simply because one must do something.

T.S. ”ELLIOT

OBJECTIVE In this week we will empower you to begin taking action so that you so don't stay in ﬁght, ﬂight, or freeze..

Our goal for this week is that you leave feeling conﬁdent in your ability to take control of your healing.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Seven: Getting Unstuck. Learn to take action.

LISTEN (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ NEW LINK: Radio Interview of Dr. LeDoux bit.ly/DRLEDOUX

COMPLETE: ‣ Appendix F: Questions to Prepare for Change ‣ Page 98: Answer questions found in Section Three, Prepare to Take Action.

Boundaries are not something“ you “set on” another person. Boundaries are about yourself.

HENRY CLOUD AND” JOHN TOWNSEND

OBJECTIVE In this week we will address if the trauma you are experiencing is potentially life threatening. We explore the diﬃcult topic of sexual trauma within the relationship and the possibility of health related problems due to your spouse's behaviors (e.g. STD's, threatened violence).

Our goal is to help you establish boundaries to help you feel more secure. After this class we want you to feel empowered so that you don't stay in the ﬁght, ﬂight, or freeze mode.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Eight: Sexual Betrayal and Sexual Trauma

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ Is this life threatening? bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Creating a Boundary

© 2017, Addo Recovery, LLC 16 of 33 FEEL CONNECTED AGAIN CREATING A BOUNDARY OVERVIEW Setting boundaries is an essential skill in life, especially for people striving for recovery. Many grow up in dysfunctional homes, where boundaries were either too rigid (leading to suppressed emotions or distant relationships) or too enmeshed (depriving them of a sense of personal identity). Later in life, their interpersonal relationships may continue to be deﬁned by old roles and patterns.

Creating and setting boundaries will give you an opportunity to deﬁne your truths, values, motives and what you can control.

With boundaries you can break old roles and patterns in order to live more freely.

INSTRUCTIONS This assignment is pretty simple. Answer these ﬁve questions with complete honesty.

Remember, honesty with self is key.

What will I not want to face or feel?

What fears do I have?

Ultimately,“ healing is an inside job.

MARK ”WOLYNN

OBJECTIVE With trauma, the mind is constantly replaying what happened. The purpose of this week is to help you break the pattern of reliving what has occurred.

Our goal is for you to learn to slow down your mind and replace overwhelming thoughts with new thoughts of hope for the future.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Nine: Healing Painful Memories

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ I Keep Reliving It. How Do I Get it to Stop? bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Appendix H: The Five Whys

Persistent eﬀortful avoidance“ of distressing trauma-related stimuli after the event.

DSM-5 CRITERIA” C FOR PTSD

OBJECTIVE After the discovery of betrayal, avoidance of people, places, and activities that you used to enjoy is very common. Our focus this week is to help you develop new strategies to face your fears.

Since trust in others has been lost, our goal is that you begin developing meaningful connections and safety with people close around you.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter Ten: Start Living Again! Strategies for Facing Your Fears

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ I’m Avoiding Life: How to Feel Alive Again bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Page 142: Complete the Section Avoidance: How We Hide Our Unmet Needs ‣ Page 144: Complete the Assignment Found on Page 144

If I was prettier, taller, thinner, or sexier, he wouldn’t act out in the way he does.

THE GREAT LIE

OBJECTIVE In the DSM-5, Negative Mood and Cognitions was included as a criteria for PTSD. This week's focus is to identify the negative beliefs participants have adopted due to their spouse’s behaviors.

Since beliefs guide behaviors, our goal is to help you identify the beliefs that are holding you back (e.g. I’m not enough) and replace them without positive alternatives.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter 11: Facing Negative Self-Beliefs and Mental Health Challenges

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ It’s My Fault, Right? How to Overcome the Great Lie bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ How to Understand and Combat Negative Self-Talk

© 2017, Addo Recovery, LLC 25 of 33 FEEL CONNECTED AGAIN HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND COMBAT NEGATIVE SELF-TALK If you often feel negative about yourself, you probably have negative self-talk tapes running through your mind. Why does this happen? It is most likely the beliefs that you have accepted about yourself. If indeed our beliefs are what guide negative self-talk, then it is important to understand your beliefs and attempt to alter the beliefs that are guiding your negative thought patterns.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR BELIEFS Your beliefs are what guide you through life. You can think of your beliefs as a computer's operating system. When you boot up your computer the operating system tells you what to do and what to think. An operating system that has a lot of negative self-beliefs often sees self and possibly others in a negative light.

Generally speaking, these negative self-beliefs come from somewhere. Sometimes they come from a current relationship where betrayal reactivates previous issues. At other times, unresolved issues from the past like neglect, hurt, betrayal, abandonment, or abuse are the driving force behind negative beliefs. Ultimately, whether it is current betrayal or negative experiences from the past, if you have negative self-beliefs, they are hurting you and will prevent you from ﬁnding what is good about you and others.

SELF BELIEFS

BELIEF FINISH THE STATEMENT OUTCOME OF YOUR BELIEF I feel I am… In close relationships I… People are… I see myself as…

The statements above are just a few things that you have beliefs about. Other common beliefs that we have include: • whether we are spiritual or not

© 2017, Addo Recovery, LLC 26 of 33 FEEL CONNECTED AGAIN • if we are worthy of love or not • if we are smart or not • if people like us or not • if we are social or not • if we can be successful or not

Below you can journal about additional beliefs you have that are guiding your day to day life.

If negative thoughts dominate your mind, it is critical to take time to understand your beliefs. One additional way to better understand your beliefs is to write them down as you think about them.

Record what additional beliefs you have about yourself or others:

Sleep was elusive. I couldn’t eat. Day“ and night my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my body. The slightest change in my husband’s demeanor or would set me oﬀ. I felt like at any moment I would explode.

ADDO” CLIENT

OBJECTIVE An inability to regulate diﬃcult emotions can feel overwhelming. Hyperarousal, anxiety, hypervigilence, and suicidal ideation can be associated with sexual betrayal. The primary focus of this week is to help you understand emotional regulation.

Our goal is for you to regain a sense of control over your life through the implementation of two speciﬁc methods for emotional regulation: yoga and meditation.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter 12: Discover How to Regulate Diﬃcult Emotions

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ Please Stop My Racing Mind: The Essentials of Slowing Down bit.ly/ADDOBT ‣ OPTIONAL: Sleep bit.ly/ADDOBT ‣ OPTIONAL: Exercise bit.ly/ADDOBT ‣ OPTIONAL: Eating bit.ly/ADDOBT ‣ OPTIONAL: Yoga (14 SESSIONS) bit.ly/ADDOYOGA ‣ OPTIONAL: Mindfulness (8 SESSIONS) bit.ly/MINDFULNESSADDO

JOURNAL PROMPTS Try and write for 10 minutes in your response to each question.

What did I believe about myself before discovery?

If we can find ourselves in the midst“ of suffering and acknowledge the depth of our struggle, the heart begins to soften automatically. We stop trying to feel better and instead discover sympathy for ourselves. We start caring for ourselves because we’re suffering.

CHRISTOPHER” GERMER

OBJECTIVE As we consider what really creates change, changing your negative self-beliefs has a tremendous impact! One of the most powerful ways for you to do this is to have compassion for self. This week we focus on helping you develop a deeper sense of compassion for self.

Our goal is to arm you with strategies to assess your level of self-compassion and help you implement self-care.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter 13: Self Compassion: A Hallmark of Healing

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ The Secret Sauce to Long-Term Healing bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Page 188: Complete Assessing Your Level of Self-Compassion Section

New Patterns are hard to establish and“ old patterns are hard to break, but those who pay the price to create lasting change simply act no matter how diﬃcult the journey may be.

DR. KEVIN” SKINNER

OBJECTIVE As we conclude the foundational content of our group program, our goal is to help you prepare for the next steps. We will review what you have learned and teach you the last concept: self-trust.

Our goal is that you leave with a realization of how far you have come and then help you look toward the future.

OOCW READ: ‣ Chapter 14: Self Compassion: A Hallmark of Healing

WATCH (LINK IS CASE SENSITIVE): ‣ Being the Real You bit.ly/ADDOBT

COMPLETE: ‣ Being the Real You

Come prepared to discuss with the class.