The honeymoon: Who knew the a chance to bond Reds could be so as a couple | T4 engaging? | T6
A mismatched wedding and reception make for an unforgettable event > Inside
Photo courtesy of Amy Cook Photography The Courier ZZZWKHFHQWUHRQOLQHFRP 419-358-8533 601 N. Main St., Bluffton, OH 45817
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Couple collects mismatched vintage pieces for a memorable wedding reception
By JEANNIE WILEY WOLF merchandising and product develop- STAFF WRITER ment. For the past four years, she’s worked for Zulily in Columbus. Kaelan VAN BUREN — Kaelan and Alyssa recently completed his degree in Bell wanted to make their Sept. 6 wed- marine biology. ding special. Alyssa said she had no idea Kaelan So they filled the reception, held in was about to pop the question when the backyard of Bell’s parents in Van they visited her grandparents in Ashe- Buren, with elements they’d spent a ville, North Carolina for the July 4 year collecting. Mismatched chairs holiday last year. and vintage tablecloths lined the “It’s like our favorite place to go,” tables, and guests dined on differing Kaelan said. “They live on this moun- pieces of china and silverware they’d tain. There’s this lookout where we found at flea markets and garage sales. always go, so I did it there.” It was the He proposed wedding of their “We thought, why don’t at sunset and then dreams, they said. they watched fire- “We wanted we incorporate everything works. everybody to “It was a com- have an awesome that we love. So it was plete surprise,” time. We wanted like vintage antique Alyssa said. “I to entertain. We had no idea. I was wanted people to farmer’s market. It was oblivious.” be like this is the awesome because then They began coolest wedding planning for their we’ve been to,” we had a reason to buy all wedding soon said Kaelan. after. It felt more this stuff.” “We both have like a party than a a love for antiques reception, Alyssa ALYSSA BELL and anything old added. and vintage,” said “And that’s what we wanted. It Alyssa. “Like what do we do on Sun- Photos provided to The Courier by AMY COOK PHOTOGRAPHY turned out so well. It was so much days? We go to the farmer’s market WHEN KAELAN and Alyssa Bell planned their wedding, they spent a year collecting antiques and knick knacks fun,” she said. and then hit up flea markets and go to to give their special day a quaint, farmers market-style feel. They even got married in the same one-room brick church in Cygnet where five generations of Alyssa’s family were wed. The couple, who are both 24, have antique stores. That’s just our thing.” known each other since high school For the wedding, the couple even into Michigan. paying sometimes $6 to get a nice when they worked together at a fast decided to focus on what they enjoy. matched chairs at all the tables,” said folding chair with padding, so it made food restaurant. They both graduated “We thought, why don’t we incor- Kaelan. “We started going to auctions. “So my job on the weekends was sense to buy them,” Alyssa said. in 2009, Kaelan from Van Buren and porate everything that we love. So I had only been to a few auctions and just to go and fit as many chairs as I the former Alyssa Phillips from North it was like vintage antique farmer’s then we started going to auctions could in my dad’s truck. The couple purchased all styles Baltimore. market,” she said. “It was awesome every weekend.” “I put a lot of miles on my dad’s of dining room chairs ranging from They didn’t start dating until the because then we had a reason to buy “We kind of got addicted to them,” truck,” Kaelan said. wooden to upholstered to those with end of their sophomore year at Bowl- all this stuff.” said Alyssa. The couple purchased about 150 cane seats, filling in the remaining ing Green State University, where They started by purchasing chairs. Their travels took them to sales chairs, averaging about $3 each. Alyssa earned a degree in apparel “We had this idea of having mis- around Findlay and Columbus, and “When you rent them, you’re See VINTAGE, Page T3 :PcWh´b:^a]TaATbcPdaP]c :HFDQWDNHFDUH RIDOO\RXU FDWHULQJQHHGV v5HKHDUVDOGLQQHUV v:HGGLQJV v$QQLYHUVDULHVHWF 2219 N. Main St., Findlay Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9:30-5:30 Sat. 9:30-2:30. Evenings by appointment 5HFHSWLRQ+DOODYDLODEOH www.DecorationsPlusOnline.com :)UHPRQW6W$UFDGLDv +UV 7XHV6DWDPSP 6XQ THE COURIER MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 BRIDAL T3
Kaelan. wedding colors. “We spent a year doing everything “We’re like, we don’t really have Vintage we loved, and it was awesome,” Alyssa any,” she said. said. “We had lots of them, actually, all Continued from page T2 “That was almost as fun as the of them,” said Kaelan. actual wedding, getting ready for it,” The couple chose an unusual loca- 100 seats they needed with wooden he said. tion for their wedding ceremony as folding chairs. They also bought mismatched well. They were married in an old “Literally any kind of chair that plates and silverware, hitting up one-room brick church in Cygnet that was cool, we wanted,” Kaelan said. garage sales and flea markets. has been closed for several years. The Kaelan’s parents offered to store “If they looked old, they had flow- building has special meaning; Alyssa the chairs in their barn. ers on them or something, we got is the fifth generation of her family to “We wanted to keep it relatively them,” Alyssa said. be married in the former Methodist cheap, too,” Kaelan said. “And I feel Vintage tablecloths were layered church. like we did it the cheapest way we one after another all the way down the “My great-great-great-grandpar- possibly could long rows of tables at their reception. ents got married there,” she said. “It because wed- For centerpieces, they used random was cool we got to get married there. dings can get vintage items, like It meant a lot.” expensive.” tea cups and When guests got to the reception, “I think the cracker tins they found a boardwalk with lights, average is like filled with farmers’ stands with fruits and vege- $25,000 or fresh flow- tables, and even an old pickup truck. A something. ers. farm wagon, found by one of Kaelan’s It ’s nut s,” “Noth- friends, served as a stage for the band. Alyssa said. i n g “It was really laid back,” said They cut matched. Alyssa, who changed into a less formal corners wher- That was dress for the reception. ever they could. kind of our A sign invited guests to kick off “We did the thing,” said their shoes and go barefoot. backyard. We Alyssa. “It was not formal at all,” Kaelan did everything “A nd we said. “Everyone had a good time.” we could on didn’t have Alyssa’s family raises hogs so our own. That colors,” said pulled pork with country fixings like AT KAELAN and Alyssa’s backyard reception, mismatched chairs, china, was our goal Kaelan. macaroni and cheese and green beans tableclothes and flatware (above) awaited guests who were treated to which was OK Alyssa were on the menu. There was also a a pulled pork meal with all the fixings. But even the most country folk- because we said people bar where guests could dress their style wedding wasn’t enough to withstand “the force;” small references love doing that kept asking to the couple’s favorite movie, “Star Wars,” were apparent, even atop the anyway,” said about their See VINTAGE, Page T5 couple’s wedding cake (right). YOUR VISION. YOUR STYLE. YOUR DAY.
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see and activities to pursue. Try new foods, Persons said their favorite lodging was an Airbnb rental house, a third- be adventurous story flat they stayed at in Lisbon. She said it felt like a space they could claim as their own. and enjoy being The couple had some travel books to help them decide what to do, but with each other also asked their host for suggestions, Persons said. By SARA ARTHURS Some friends had studied in Spain, STAFF WRITER and they had gotten suggestions from them, too. But some of the day-to- Wedding planning may occupy day decisions were made on the spot. much of a bride’s attention, but at the They would walk down a street and go same time there is also often planning exploring, and find a restaurant that for what comes next: the honeymoon. looked interesting, and eat there. More than just a sightseeing excur- Cities they visited included Lisbon sion, it can be a chance for the newly- in Portugal and the Spanish cities of weds to bond as a couple. Sevilla, Nerja and Madrid. Lindsay Dubocq and Kendall Per- “We both agree that Lisbon was sons got married June 6, and then our favorite city,” Persons said. took a honeymoon to Portugal and She said the city was very walk- Spain. Lindsay Persons is a Findlay able, and quintessentially Europe, native and Findlay High School gradu- with cobblestone roads. They spent ate, now living in Atlanta. six days there, exploring Lisbon itself The couple wanted to go some- as well as some of the surrounding where neither of them had ever been areas. for their honeymoon. They enjoyed visiting Cabo da “Both Kendall and I have traveled Roca, Portugal , the westernmost part a lot,” Lindsay Persons said. of Europe. Persons said it featured But she’d never been to Portugal, cliffs and a turquoise-blue ocean. They which was on her “bucket list.” went to a secluded beach, for which “And Kendall had always wanted there were no signs, and where they to go to Spain,” she said. encountered few other people. Photo provided by LINDSAY PERSONS The planning itself happened rela- In Seville, the couple visited a LINDSAY AND KENDALL Persons stopped to pose for a picture in the Plaza de Espana in Sevilla, Spain, on their tively haphazardly. large cathedral, and in Nerja, which recent honeymoon. The couple wanted to be adventurous on the trip, and used some of the monetary wedding gifts “Typically I’m a very organized is on the Mediterranean Sea, they they received to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do. and very planned-out person,” Per- went parasailing and ate “amazing sons said. seafood.” However, in addition to planning The couple spent two weeks in Persons said starting their married had to use maps. She said relying She said in normal life, they would the honeymoon, and planning the Europe. Persons said they are gen- life in a place where everyone spoke less on technology, too, helped con- never be able to take two weeks off wedding itself, she was also in the erally frugal, but decided they were a foreign language helped bond them nect them. from work. Getting married and middle of a career change. She said willing to spend more, seeing as it as a couple. Persons said her husband recom- starting a life together gives a couple Kendall was in charge of many of the was their honeymoon. However, they “It really made us connect more mended not thinking twice about the chance to do something they had honeymoon decisions. They made did find some relatively inexpensive as a team,” she said. “You really only “adventures.” always wanted to. sure to figure out where they would hotels. have each other to rely on.” “We wanted to go somewhere that Their matron of honor gave them stay, and their transportation, but left “And we just had the best experi- In addition, they didn’t have wire- maybe we won’t ever go back to,” she open the decisions on what sights to ence with them,” she said. less Internet access everywhere, and said. See BOND, Page T6 =fbgq>af\dYqÌkegklmfaim]n]fm]2 $6PLOHWR5HPHPEHU« ý5HKHDUVDO'LQQHUV ý%LUWKGD\3DUWLHV ý+ROLGD\3DUWLHV 2)) 2)) ý%XVLQHVV/XQFKHRQV 3URIHVVLRQDO 3URIHVVLRQDO ý/XQFK 'LQQHU ,Q2IILFH +RPH 7HHWK:KLWHQLQJ 7HHWK:KLWHQLQJ.LW 2IIHUYDOLGZLWKFRXSRQRQO\/LPLWRQHSHUSHUVRQ([SLUHV 2IIHUYDOLGZLWKFRXSRQRQO\/LPLWRQHSHUSHUVRQ([SLUHV 414 S. Main St., Findlay &DOOWRGD\IRU\RXU 419-420-3602 $QJHOD%%DWHVRQ''6 DSSRLQWPHQW LogansIrishPubFindlay.com *HQHUDO'HQWLVWU\ www.Facebook.com/LogansIrishPubFindlay.com 60DLQ6W)LQGOD\ %DWHVRQ'HQWLVWU\FRP THE COURIER MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 BRIDAL T5
support. looking for a job. “We had so much support from Together, the couple also hopes to Vintage our family and neighbors and friends start an event rental business using who would just drop everything and the items they bought for their own Continued from page T3 help us,” Kaelan said. “We tried to do wedding. biscuits with honey and jam. Alyssa’s as much stuff as we could before. But “We loved doing it so much. Our when it got to the week before, there grandmother baked the four-tiered wedding was kind of like a test run were things we hadn’t even thought wedding cake. honestly, and we learned how to do “Everything was homemade,” she about. If we had not had that help, it wouldn’t have been the same.” things better,” Kaelan said. said. “Everyone pitched in.” “Weddings are so expensive. We The couple’s Looking back, want to have people throw the wed- love of the movie, “We tried to do as much the couple said “Star Wars,” was they enjoyed all dings that they want and not have to included in the stuff as we could before. the preparations spend so much because for one day, it’s festivities. Origi- But when it got to the that went into nuts,” he said. “We can’t throw you a nal action figures making their wed- formal wedding, but we can help you of Princess Leia week before, there were ding day special. do anything vintage.” “It went so and Hans Solo things we hadn’t even A CLOTHESLINE WAS draped in blankets, offering wedding guests the were used as their fast,” said Alyssa. Wolf: 419-427-8419 opportunity to grab one, snuggle in and make themselves comfortable cake toppers. thought about. If we “ We k e e p [email protected] (though due to the summer heat, there probably weren’t many takers). “People kept saying that we giving toasts and had not had that help, it had so much fun they kept saying, wouldn’t have been the doing it, it needed ‘May the force be to last longer, so with you.’ I didn’t same.” every year we realize that every- want to have a one knew that I KAELAN BELL party,” Kaelan loved Star Wars said. so much,” Kaelan said. The newly- The couple credited their parents, weds are moving to Mobile, Alabama, Craig and Kathy Bell of Van Buren, where Alyssa has accepted a job with and Jason and Laura Westgate of a flower nursery that works with the North Baltimore, for their help and QVC shopping channel. Kaelan will be
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Photo provided to The Courier by AMY COOK PHOTOGRAPHY J]`]YjkYd *((=&EYaf;jgkkKlj]]l$>af\dYq$G@ooo&^af\dYqaff&[ge ,)1%,**%-.0*)%0((%0*-%),-- THE COURIER T6 BRIDAL MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 finding flights to and from Peru. “That, to me, was a lot harder,” Bond she said. They considered several options Continued from page T4 but found that it would take at least three different flights, and in some a monetary gift to spend on their hon- cases four. Flying out of Cincinnati, eymoon to do something special; they Arlington man pops the question at Reds game the trip will take them a total of about used it to go parasailing in Nerja. 15 hours, with two layovers. By SARA ARTHURS Sarah Rissler and Joel Crane got Crane said she speaks “just a very STAFF WRITER married in May in Findlay and will be little” Spanish, but the people in the taking a honeymoon this fall. Sarah tour group will speak English. Crane is an Arcadia High School It was a baseball game they’ll never “We’re really outdoorsy people, so graduate, now residing in Cincinnati. forget. we’re just really looking forward to the She said she and her new husband In August, Felicia Otte and Jon adventure and the nature aspects and have both traveled a lot individually. Boyd got engaged at a Cincinnati the beauty,” she said. For their honeymoon, “we wanted to Reds game. She said she is also looking forward choose somewhere that neither of us Boyd, of Arlington, won four tick- to “getting away from technology.” had ever been,” she said. ets to the Reds versus Arizona Dia- Persons, too, said stepping away mondbacks baseball game on Aug. As they were discussing it they from computers and cell phones 21 — and the opportunity to throw came up with the idea of Peru, and helped her and her new husband con- out the first pitch — through a raffle will travel this fall to Machu Picchu, nect. Her advice to other couples plan- at Cooper Tire & Rubber Co., where a historic mountaintop city from the ning their honeymoons? he works. The package he won also Incan Empire. “Just be present in every moment,” included dinner, breakfast, a hotel Crane, too, said her husband did she said. “We turned off our cell stay, a tour of the Great American much of the honeymoon planning as phones. ... We shut the world out Ball Park and two personalized Cin- she was planning the wedding. Joel because you only get this time exclu- cinnati Reds jerseys. Boyd decided to Crane has been to South America sively together, really, once.” take Otte and two friends to the game. before, but Sarah never has. Persons said many brides work Otte, of Bowling Green, had origi- Provided to The Courier She is particularly looking forward to slim down before their wedding, nally been going to throw the first JON BOYD (right) took advantage of a Cincinnati Reds game package to a sunrise hike up to Machu Picchu. but once on their honeymoon they pitch. he won in a raffle sponsored by his employer, Cooper Tire & Rubber Co. The Peruvian government limits how shouldn’t be afraid to try new foods. “I chickened out,” she said. in August, using the occasion to propose to his girlfriend, Felicia Otte many people a day are allowed up the “Just eat,” she said. So Boyd did it, then came off the (center). The two were engaged on Aug. 21 and plan to marry in October mountain, in order to preserve the After all, traveling abroad will field, grabbed her hand and took her 2017. site. However, the Cranes have signed give you the chance to taste things over to the plate where the batters up with a tour group. you might not be able to elsewhere. warm up. Otte said she almost yelled “A lot of it was a little bit of a blur,” into one another. They actually met “We get early access,” she said. “We just ate whatever we wanted at him because everyone else was she said. through a mutual friend on MySpace, The Cranes’ trip will be 10 days, whenever we wanted. ... Eat that going in the opposite direction. Then “so if you can imagine how long ago during which they will also visit the second croissant,” she said. Boyd got down on one knee, pulled But she said they had “great seats” that was ...,” she laughed. cities Lima, Cusco and Puno. out a ring and asked her to marry him. and a great package deal through Cooper. Otte, 32, and Boyd, 30, have four Crane said planning the trip was Arthurs: 419-427-8494 “I immediately started crying,” relatively easy. The hardest part was [email protected] Otte said. “We couldn’t have asked for a more children between them. Otte said she had originally been fun time,” she said. The Reds lost that game 3 to 6. told that Boyd had won two personal- After the game the couple watched But they did gain new long-term fans. ized jerseys, but when they went to a fireworks display. Otte said they hadn’t been devotedly P Personal,ersonal, FriendlFriendlyy the company party at a hotel rooftop “We are planning it (the wedding) following the Cincinnati Reds before. they were only given one. She was dis- for two years out, in October of 2017,” But from now on, they definitely plan AAentionention ttoo makemake appointed not to get her jersey. Then, Otte said. to do so. ccertainertainertain after he proposed, one of the Reds’ The couple has been dating about Proceeds from the raffle benefited mascots had waiting for her a jersey five years. the Cooper Centennial Scholarship You’ll with her future married name on it. “Our first date was at Applebee’s Fund. “I was surprised that he pulled that in Findlay,” Otte said. Look off because he’s terrible at keeping They had known each other longer Arthurs: 419-427-8494 secrets,” Otte said. than that, though, and kept running [email protected] Stunning. Not surprisingly, Otte was a little distracted during the game. :HGGLQJ3ODQQLQJ :HGGLQJ'UHVVHV Top 2014 wedding statistics /HWXVGRWKHEHYHUDJHSODQQLQJ %ULGHVPDLGV Average wedding cost: $31,213 IRUDOO\RXUEHHUZLQH 7X [HGRV (excludes honeymoon). DQGFKDPSDJQHQHHGV 0RWKHU*RZQV Average spent on a wedding dress: $1,357. &DOOWRGD\WRUHVHUYH $77,5()25$// Average marrying age: bride, 29; RXUVSDFHIRU 63(&,$/ groom, 31. %ULGDO6KRZHUV )( G^^Oaf] Average number of guests: 136. %DFKHORURU 2&&$6,216 Average number of bridesmaids: %DFKHORUHWWHSDUWLHV Hmj[`Yk]kg^ 4 to 5. )*:glld]kgjegj]& Average number of groomsmen: *UHDWEULGHVPDLG 4 to 5. DQGJURRPVPHQ Most popular month to get JLIWV engaged: December (16 percent). Average length of engagement: 14 months. Information from The Knot. 1'(752,767.(1721ș șVKRSWZLUOFRP 60DLQ6W)LQGOD\2KLR $IWHU+RXUV$SSRLQWPHQWV:HOFRPH6FKHGXOH &DOO1RZWR5HVHUYH 0DWW 5DFKHO6WHUOLQJ )RVWRULD$YHI)LQGOD\ 2ZQHUV )LQGXVRQ THE COURIER MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 BRIDAL T9 Formal or footloose? Think versatility when choosing a destination wedding dress By KIM COOK a sweep train,” which just grazes the Color ASSOCIATED PRESS floor. Let the venue inform your choice David’s destination-friendly of hue, Goldberg says. Getting married on a beach, moun- dresses include styles in full or tea- taintop, remote villa or rustic rural “A sunset wedding in Napa pairs length tulle, soft lace or chiffon, beautifully with a blush gown, while setting is a romantic ideal for many Conley says. brides. the colors of an Amalfi Coast wedding Fabrics that travel well for brides may inspire the bride to opt for some- But what does that mean for the wanting a more structured gown thing blue.” wedding dress? include silk gazar, georgette and Should you go formal or footloose? crepe, which are “lighter-weight ver- Will your gown fit in your suitcase? sions of silk faille and Mikado,” says Versatility A bride having a “destination wed- Carrie Goldberg, associate fashion For bridesmaids — or perhaps ding” should think about versatility editor for Martha Stewart Weddings. even the bride — White House Black when choosing a gown. She must be Short styles, meanwhile, can be Market has a clever option: a short or “concerned about being comfortable, fun, and have the added benefit of long pull-on gown with a customizable more so than your typical bride. She showing off a pretty pair of shoes. top. You can adjust the straps on the has to contend with weather and ter- J. Crew’s Karina short dress, for “Genius” dress to make a halter, one- rain, making her gown choice critical instance, has a flapper-esque fringe, shoulder or cap-sleeved version. Easy to how at-ease she feels on her special and is covered in corded lace. to pack, affordable and available in a day,” says Lori Conley, senior buyer range of colors, these might be a good for David’s Bridal. option for a group of bridesmaids. Christine Pagulayan of Toronto Separates and her fiance, Ian McIntyre, jetted to Costa Rica in 2013 for a resort “Tops and bottoms are not only Footwear wedding. easier to pack, they allow for mixing Flats or wedges are ideal for beach “I had a (dress) style in mind: and matching fabric and fit to get a or garden: “The more surface area the strapless, low back, white with ruch- silhouette that feels unique to your sole of your shoes have, the easier it personal style,” says Goldberg. ing. Initially, I thought about going will be to walk,” says Conley. DAVE ABREAU PHOTOGRAPHY / via Associated Press short, since we were going to get Separates work for any destina- Keep in mind that satin or gros- CHRISTINE PAGULAYAN is shown getting dressed for her 2013 wedding married on a beach, but I then real- tion, she says: “A full organza skirt grain might get stained by grass or to Neil McIntyre, in Sardinal, Costa Rica. Destination brides are often ized that even if it may be heavy or may appeal to a bride getting married sand. advised to forego high heels for footwear that’s more sand or grass sweaty, I wanted a real wedding dress. on the beach; pairing it with a delicate Another option for beach brides is friendly. “I wore beautiful satin white wedges that I swapped out for flip So we found one that had a gorgeous silk camisole suits the location. The “foot jewelry,” an accessory that does flops at the reception,” she says. train, but it also had a bustle so I could same skirt would suit a mountaintop away with the need for an actual shoe. dance,” Pagulayan says. affair when paired with a fur bolero Fashioned of pearls, silks, rhinestones or a fine knit.” bolero jacket; satin or silk gloves. of time. Some dress trends for destination and shells, these can easily be made to On your feet, satin pumps are clas- brides: J.Crew’s Sloane poly-cotton long complement the gown. sic but ivory suede boots might add Experts recommend packing the skirt has a simple, draped profile; a dash. silk cami top embellished with beads, dress in a sturdy garment bag rather Light fabrics and short hems crystals, sequins and paillettes in a Style than a box, so it can be stored more Many traveling brides favor light- floral motif creates a dressy look, If your wedding destination is, say, Transporting the dress places. Label the bag both inside and weight, airy fabrics. albeit more relaxed than a form-fitting a villa or castle in Europe, you might Pagulayan was able to stow her out, and add a “Fragile” sticker. Arrive “Chiffon and organza are always gown. want to go full-on princess with the gown on the plane in a special com- early at the airport, as the dress bag favorites. Full trains can be cumber- At David’s Bridal, there’s the dress. partment for wedding dresses. Some might require extra screening. some if you’re navigating sand or crisp Mikado cropped top balanced For wintry venues, think of a cream carriers might let you store your dress grass,” says Conley, of David’s. by a flowing, organza ball-gown skirt, coat trimmed with sparkle; sheer or in business class even if you’re flying You can also ship the dress ahead “A lot of brides opt for the ease of creating a modern silhouette. opaque long sleeves; an embroidered coach; check with the airline ahead of time. &OIBODFZPVSHVFTUTf FYQFSJFODF L`]afl]jf]lÀEYjl`YÀ DWZWSdeS^6[``Wd?SVW7Sek TJNQMJGZZPVST Hafl]j]klÀLD;Àea_`l`Yn]a\]Yk O]Ìn]_gll`]h]j^][ljggeYf\l`]h]j^][l^gg\ K]Ylaf_mhlg-( :ml:(`Yn]l`]H[SHULHQFH ;mklgeE]fm9nYad& L`]GHWDLOVYj]gmj VSHFLDOW\ :]]j Oaf] >mdd:YjK]jna[] K`go]jk$E]]laf_k$ (YHQWVODUJHRUVPDOO J]`]YjkYd the same place. Maybe the answer won’t be yes,” San Juan said in an Author of ‘Stuff Every Groom interview. If you want the proposal photo- Should Know’ shares tips graphed or filmed, find a photogra- pher or videographer willing to shoot By LEANNE ITALIE for him to chip in, the interest won’t in secret to preserve the moment. ASSOCIATED PRESS be there,” Ley said. Also, consider going old school Let him put that tool chest or and asking your partner’s parents NEW YORK — Kate MacHugh George Foreman grill on the wed- for permission to pop the question. has a fabulous fiance, except when it ding registry, or don suspenders or And never steal another couple’s comes to wedding planning. wacky colored socks on the big day thunder. Proposing at the wedding of “When I was a little girl I always if he so chooses, Ley suggests. a friend, relative or colleague is not a good idea, he said. envisioned it as ‘my wedding,’ where Above all, grooms can’t have their I would make all the decisions and wedding wishes fulfilled if they don’t my faceless groom would show up speak up, said Danielle Rothweiler, a Picking a tux when I told him to in the suit that wedding and event planner in West Do you even need one? Tradition- I picked out and he paid for,” said Orange, New Jersey. ally, they’re worn after 6 p.m. Morn- the Beachwood, New Jersey, social “The No. 1 thing I always tell ing or afternoon weddings call for a worker and bride grooms is that they morning suit, usually dark gray. to be. MUST be vocal MEL EVANS / Associated Press Renting a tuxedo is cheaper and KATE MacHUGH and fiance CJ (Christopher John) Ecke sit together on a “Flash forward “If he doesn’t feel when planning a ensures groomsmen will match, but to now — my fiance wedding,” she said. seawall in Pine Beach, N.J. MacHugh said she been planning her wedding included, he won’t be, a custom tux is a nicer fit and worth since she was a girl and was just waiting for her “faceless groom” who has an opinion on It’s been awhile the investment if a groom thinks he’ll would “show up when I told him to in the suit that I picked out and he paid EV ERYTHING,” and when it comes since Eric San Juan wear it again, San Juan said. MacHugh said, for.” Brides shouldn’t assume their groom doesn’t want to be involved was a groom. He’s With arms down at the sides, endorsing that time for him to chip in, in the planning process, and grooms should know they need to take their been married for 15 fingertips should reach the bottom approach with this responsibilities seriously. the interest won’t be years, but he wrote of the jacket, he said. Pants should caveat: “He’s a huge a new book aimed hit the tops of the shoes. Silk is the procrastinator and there.” A groom should avoid talking if guys he used to raise hell with. A squarely at grooms: desired tux fabric for summer, while doesn’t understand his voice is going to crack. He should generous tip for the bartender will “Stuff Every Groom cashmere, wool and flannel are popu- that planning a pause to compose himself. Man tears help ensure they get cut off before - WEDDING BROKER Should Know,” part lar for winter. wedding takes a are awesome; “squeaky man voice, the point of no return, San Juan said. KRISTEN LEY of a series of handy Rock the bowtie. It’s the classic boatload of work, m a n u a l s f r o m not so much,” San Juan said. Stay on top of the toasts pre- time and coordina- option. And don’t fear the cummer- Dab, don’t rub. Surely the best Quirk Books. bund. Modern ‘bunds are sleeker and reception to avoid the colorful or tion. He believes every small detail Try these pro tips from San Juan: man remembered the handkerchief awkward ones. And grooms should will fall into place without any effort more flattering than they used to be. to gently pat at tears. Rubbing red- “Most men are not particularly rely on their best men to police the on our part.” dens eyes. unruly. well-versed in getting a tux,” San And avoid loud honking when So goes the dilemma of many Popping the question “You can’t completely avoid some Juan said. “Don’t go into the pro- nose-blowing. modern-day grooms. No longer on San Juan acknowledges there’s no degree of madness when it comes to cess with the I’m-not-going-to-ask- “If you really can’t stop sobbing, the sidelines, they’re ready, willing one way, but he’s not a huge fan of your friends, but hopefully the best for-directions mindset.” visualize something totally un-sad to and able to participate, but what’s stunt proposals. The kind that actu- man can handle it,” San Juan said. get yourself back in the game,” San a groom to do when he hasn’t been ally involve the public, that is, like Juan advises. As for a groom’s imbibing, he planning every detail of his dream asking via Jumbotron at a ballpark. The man cry wedding since boyhood, has never should pace himself. Don’t down a Your proposal may just go viral for There may be tears and they may full drink after every toast. Old bud- shopped for or worn a tuxedo and the wrong reasons. be yours, guys. Drunk college friends doesn’t know his carats from his dies taking an open bar to the limit is “You risk putting the person “The ideal man cry is a cry that is A groom’s side is often full of the one thing. Joining them is a mistake. karats? you’re asking in a really awkward in control. It’s not blubbering,” San “My advice for all you grooms situation. Maybe he or she isn’t in Juan said. out there? Listen to your bride. She knows what she’s talking about. If $7HQW she tells you that at the eight-month mark you should have picked a venue, 5HQWDOV she’s right. If she’s droning on about :H´'Rµ:HGGLQJV (YHU\WKLQJIURPOLJKWLQJWR getting your frat brothers’ addresses for save-the-dates, you really need to DYj_]gjKeYdd;Yl]jaf_ GDQFHIORRUVDQGPXFKPRUH get them to her. And never, I repeat, • Banquetacili F ty Available - Seating up to 90 /HWXVKHOS\RXSODQ never call her a bridezilla,” advises ȱǭȱ \RXUVSHFLDOZHHN the 26-year-old MacHugh, who’s get- • Rehearsals, Receptions or Anniversary Parties ting hitched Oct. 10. ǰȱ Some grooms are happy to leave 6%URDG6W the details to their partners, said .DOLGD2+ >gj9ddG[[Ykagfk Kristen Ley, a “wedding broker” who >gjJYl]kYf\ works with couples and vendors in J]k]jnYlagfk;Ydd the Atlanta area. But if you want an active groom in the lead-up, get him ,)1%,**%.0/) in the planning loop from the get-go, )%0((%-01%0*/, she urges. *,@gmj9fko]jaf_ Bg`f,)1%/00%(-1+ “If he doesn’t feel included, he 2:1(56 72''/$8',&..$5/0,//(5 K]jna[] ooo&9%)L]flJ]flYdk&[ge won’t be, and when it comes time THE COURIER MONDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2015 BRIDAL T11 First comes love, then comes marriage — years later SOLVEJ SCHOU / via Associated Press LONGTIME COUPLE Jun Yanagimachi (right), 38, and David Semien, 38, who married in 2010 after dating for 12 years and living together for seven of those years, are shown at home with their 3-year-old son Sage and 8-month- Couples waiting longer to wed old son Ren, in Pasadena, Calif. By SOLVEJ SCHOU by the National Survey of Family Center. step,” she said. “I wanted to leave you are legitimately tied to some- ASSOCIATED PRESS Growth had lived with their partner In states where gay marriage Armando what little I have, should one else, and I felt a greater sense of for more than five years before tying has recently become legal, longtime anything happen to me. It does feel responsibility to him as my husband “First comes love, then comes the knot; 5.4 percent had cohabited same-sex couples can now decide too marriage, then comes baby in a baby more than eight years; and almost whether they want to tie the knot. different, for some reason. It feels like rather than my boyfriend.” carriage.” So the old playground 3 percent more than 10 years. Just As for Yanagimachi and Semien, rhyme goes. 20 years earlier, from 1989 to 1993, when they finally wed, they did so These days, however, many cou- an NSFG survey found that those with friends and family at a Japanese ples are taking a long time getting numbers were 7.8 percent that had Buddhist temple they had visited for from step 1 to step 2. They’re waiting lived together for five years before years in the Little Tokyo neighbor- until they’re in their 30s or 40s to marrying their partner; 1.9 percent hood of Los Angeles. Yanagimachi wed, with or without kids, after five, more than eight years; and 0.7 per- wore a white kimono that her mother six, seven, eight or more years being cent more than 10 years. had received as a gift when she mar- in a relationship and living together. “Is it culture or cost of living that ried. Semien, raised Catholic, wore The trend of long cohabita- keeps people from getting married?” a suit. tion before marriage in the United mused Kuperberg. “Cohabitation is “We wanted it to have meaning States is becoming part of the norm, much more socially acceptable now. for us, and make sense for us, and be according to family expert Arielle We also find that financial instability personal,” Yanagimachi said. Kuperberg, an assistant professor of makes people put off marriage. Part Jen Tunac Camarena, a 42-year- sociology at the University of North of maturity is emotional maturity, but old architect in Fullerton, California, Carolina at Greensboro. also financial maturity.” eloped to Las Vegas in 2008 with her Special Occasions Catering Jun Yanagimachi and David The recent recession has had an chef boyfriend, Armando Camarena, Semien, both 38, of Pasadena, Cali- impact on many couples, Kuperberg after eight years of living together. offers hall rental with Findlay Elks/ fornia, got married in 2010, 12 years said. He wanted to marry sooner, she after they started dating and seven And very religious people are still said. She wanted to elope to avoid Northridge Banquet Hall years after they moved in together. much less likely to cohabit before the potential stress of a wedding, and When they were in their 20s, none of marriage, added D’Vera Cohn, a social pressure from her large family. Modern handicapped accessible building capable their friends were married, and they senior writer at the Pew Research “Our marriage felt like a natural of seating up to 400 guests. also didn’t feel pressured by their parents. • Free convenient off-street parking “We were happy then, and we’re happy now. Marriage is like agreeing • Free set-up & clean-up to be more responsible. You kind of A lovely garden area with a sunroom and an have to reach a certain age first,” said elevated deck overlooks the club grounds. Semien, a composer. Yanagimachi, a business research Apply for Financing online at michaeleller.com