ISSUE 9 / VOLUME 19 05.04.06 INSIDE 4 PAGE TRAVEL ESCAPE SUPPLEMENT THE THE ECSTACY... AGONY...

Holly Irvine snatched victory from ALAN TULLY the jaws of defeat after a month of ...AND THE recounts and appeals to be elected On Friday’s fi nal recount it was Ents Offi cer with a narrow victory of decided that she be announced just four votes. as the winner by a margin of only Irivine ultimately prevailed over fa- 4 votes between them. vourite Dave Redmond, who although This was a dramatic shift from winning the popular vote, and the fi rst the 22-vote difference on the ENTS two recounts, lost out on the large day of election, March 3rd, when amount of transfers in the six candidate Redmond had been in the lead. election. Shelley allowed a re-count as 22 SU Returning Offi cer, Morgan Shelley, votes out of a total after an arduous recount process, re- of 4,400 was seen CONTINUED OFFICER fl ected that the election itself had “been as a very tight mar- won by fi fth and sixth preferences”. gin. 2> College Tribune 2 THIS WEEK 05.04.06 05.04.06 The final countdown

1 The subsequent recount had then brought want to see a wider variety of music, coming CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE 2 the candidates to within 0.2% of the total to UCD in order to satisfy all tastes. I plan to 3 vote separating them, before the next one The newly elected Ents Offi cer, Holly Ir- organise an all UCD trip away, a Rag week, ended in a remarkable stalemate, with Red- vine, was delighted that the election proc- pitting UCD Clubs and Societies against mond elected by virtue of the fact that he had ess had worked out her way. She says that each other in a bid to raise as much money won more fi rst-preference votes. during the counts she had never thought it for charity as possible. And most importantly However, Shelley commented “as the would drag out to three recounts. continuous fun and entertainment through- result was so close, the Returning Offi cers “Myself and my campaign manager, out the year.” were asked to review all of the contentious Michael-Pat, were naturally hoping for a Irvine also had words of sympathy for ballot papers. After a six-hour hearing that change in the result, but we didn’t think Redmond. “My heart goes out to Dave, I 3 NEWS Saturday, where over 180 contested ballot changes in numbers would occur on each know how awful it must be for him, to lose by A victorious Holly Irvine brings an end papers were reviewed, the rulings on three count, never mind on 4 counts, nor did we so few votes. He was awarded the position to a month of indecision. Bebo won’t be of them was overturned, with the result that foresee a turnaround of this size.” three times and then it was taken away. My- banned. Referendum on a new student Holly Irvine was now ahead by one vote. She claims though that had the result self and Dave have remained friends since centre plus ambitious plans to revamp “Understandably Dave Redmond asked been the other way around and the nature the race began and I hope it stays that way, us to perform additional recounts until we of the results been different she would have he’s a great guy and I hope he’ll still be will- the campus. Plus a good deal more had two consecutive results that were iden- conceded after Friday’s recount. But since ing to get involved with ENTS next year.” tical. He appealed our rulings [to the Inde- the results were swinging in the fi rst and A spokesperson for Dave Redmond said 10 ESCAPE pendent Appeals Board] in relation to three second recounts she felt that it was the right that he wished Holly all the best as Ents It’s that time of year specifi c ballot papers. The board, which of both candidates to appeal. Offi cer next year. again when the only met after a long delay, upheld all the “If the result wasn’t consistent I would Morgan Shelley commented that this ex- impending exams decisions of the Returning Offi cers, and we have pushed for another recount. The re- perience should act as a lesson for future started the third recount within an hour of sults changed with each count until the last student elections. He commented that the and the library gets its ruling. The results of the third and fourth two and that’s what we needed to see, a whole process of the initial count, recount, you down. See our recounts were identical to each other, with consistent result. If Dave had been clearly review of contested ballots, appeal to the travel supplement Holly Irvine being declared elected by a mar- winning the last two, as I had, I would have IAB and fi nal two counts should be possible for some much gin of only 4 votes.” done the same thing as him and conceded to complete within ten days. It would appear that spoilt votes played a gracefully.” “I think I’d use that second format straight needed stress relief signifi cant part in the overall outcome. As the On working as Ents Offi cer next year Ir- way in the fi rst recount of any other election counting team had to obey the rules on ballot vine commented, “I’m really looking forward that was this close in the future. I’d also insist 16 DISTRACTIONS spoiling, Shelley observed, “if fi ve people to next year and working in the Students on the IAB meeting on time for appeals on who spoiled their votes had instead validly Union. I want to build on the success of this ballot papers. If the IAB had sat in time, we Apparently Broken Social Scene are voted for Dave Redmond, the result would year’s Ents Offi ce, this must sound like I’m would have had the last two recounts eleven pretty good, so we interviewed them. We have been different.” just reading off my manifesto!! I defi nitely days earlier.” also did the usual load of music and fi lm reviews. We’ve also got pictures of pretty girls in our fashion section SUDOKU 24 SPORT NO. 22 / MEDIUM NO. 23 / HARD Shockingly it looks like 253 1928 UCD’s soccer team 258 4 could be thrown out of the league no matter 43621 32 how well they do. Also 5 76 see report from their draw with champions 5 79263 4 73 Cork as well as an AIL 3 94 review, some Hockey & a bumper Sport in Brief 52897 53 7542 REGULARS 6241514 6 Editor Features Editors Contributors: 8 FAUSTUS Eoin Mac Aodha Alan Tully Ben Blake, Alexa Byrne, , Caitrina Eileen O’Malley Cody, Fionn Dempsey, Dan Finn, 9 EDITORIAL & Design Editor Leanne Hughes, Sinead Gifford, Simon Ward Health & Fashion Editor Laura Greene, Brenda O’Grady, Box 74, LETTERS Caitríona Gaffney Megan O’Grady, Roisin Jones, Student’s Centre, Chief Sub Editor Rúaidhrí O’Connor Music Editor David Hammill, Fiona Hedderman, 11 ESCAPE University College Kingsley Kelly, Jonathon Dublin. Ronan Dempsey 16 FASHION Sports Editor Kilbane, David McLoughlin, Roe Belfi eld, Colin Gleeson Film Editor McDermott, Deirdre McGuire, 21 THE TURBINE Dublin 4. Karen O’Connell Dermot Looney, Kevin Murphy, News Editor Sinead Monaghan, Richard 22 RUD’S WORLD Email: Jack Cane Photography Editor McElwee, Elizabeth-Ann Kirwin, [email protected] Aisling O’Leary PJ Mullen, Barra O’Fianail, Chief Newswriter James Redmond, Harry Smyth, 10 THINGS... Distractions Editor Telephone: Owen Priestley Alex Tierney, Gordin Tobin, Mark Barry Bowen 23 THE LUNGE (01) 716 8501 Walsh, John Walsh Special Thanks To: DEAR TRIBUNE Online: Mac Aodha for the use of the house, Stephen & Gary @ Spectator Blackrock Market, 911, Xtra Vision, The www.ucd.ie/tribune 24 DOWN THE LINE Newspapers, Eilis O’Brien@ UCD Politics Department, Anto Kelly. And Communications Offi ce, Mary & Mairtin Aoife Ni Bhrian for being a ligind. College Tribune 05.04.06 NEWS 3 Bebo is A-Ok says UCD Authorities

CAITRIONA GAFFNEY

Contrary to rumours of internet social network Bebo’s impending closure on campus the college authorities have confi rmed that they have no plans to block access to the popular site. Access to the Bebo pages has al- ready been blocked by other colleges around the country. CIT, UL, Sligo IT and UCC have all taken action to re- Hugh Brady strict students from logging on to the ubiquitous site. Communications Offi cer for UCD Computer Services Niamh Milne re- ******* vealed that there are no plans to ban Bebo from the UCD computer network at the moment. “It is not part of the college policy to restrict access to websites. If it’s Bebo one day, it would be another website the next.” Milne explained. UCD Computer Services run the com- puter network in line with the College, wide. The social network enables us- but UCD is an open education university ers to stay in touch with friends and and refuses to deny students the right to family. use of the internet. and time could lead to a withdrawal of touches on an essay that was worth 33% Although the college policy on stu- In previous years MSN Messenger However, all students are expected to services or severe disciplinary action. of my summer exam. When I reached dents’ use of the internet states that was removed from the tool bar on Col- observe the University’s Acceptable Use One irate student vented to The Col- the computer area, there were no com- students are not to use the computers lege computers, however this was the Policy, which requests that users of the lege Tribune over the lack of available puters available. I checked every single for anything other than academic pur- result of updating computer facilities, IT facilities behave reasonably in their computers in the library claiming that fl oor and even went the computer lab poses, it is clear that this rule is abused and was not a case of denying students use of the college computer resources. with a looming essay deadline to be met, in the lower Arts block. It made me so on a regular basis. the right to internet communications. Students are also reminded that the every single computer was in use, with angry to see that every second computer Offi cially launched last July, Bebo When telephoned for comment, Be- abuse of internet privileges such as the most computers logged on to Bebo. was logged onto Bebo, especially since has already established more than 22 bo’s head offi ce in San Francisco did deliberately wasteful use of resources “I skipped my lunch to put the fi nishing I had genuine work to do.” million registered Bebo profi les world- not return The College Tribune’s calls. College Tribune 4 NEWS 05.04.06 UCD + Horizons Throwing it away = up 10% € n CAO 1st preferences up 10.42%

UCD’s ambitious aim to become Ireland’s leading EOIN MAC AODHA university and one of Europe’s top 25 has been given a boost with Central Applications Offi ce 1st preferences rising by 10.42%. In addition total applications for the college rose by 3.95% despite total CAO applications for honours de- grees decreasing by 0.55%. This view was echoed by Vice President for Students, Director of Communications, Eilis O’Brien, put the Mary Clayton, who felt that the results were very encour- upsurge in interest down to the “introduction of UCD aging and was a “combination, Horizons, it’s the fact that Horizons, which involved a complete revision of the there are new degree options coming on stream, it’s the undergraduate curriculum and a restructuring of study advertising. I think it’s everything coming together. I think into modules.” the word of mouth in UCD is that is an exciting place to 1st preferences for UCD had been falling by a rate of be, that there is a lot going on here.” around 4% for the last three years. Clayton went on to state that she hoped the interest The new Horizons programme was heavily adver- could be sustained in the long term. tised throughout January in the run up to applications with radio, outdoor and 2 press ads in the CAO sup- In Figures plements which appeared in the Irish Independent and the Irish Times. Business & Law: +7% It is estimated that the extensive advertising cam- Engineering, Mathematical paign cost around E 200,000. and Physical Sciences : +4% O’Brien did however state that the increase was not Human Sciences: +76% (note: 6 new programmes in this area) all due to advertising “[it] was certainly effective, but it could only work if the underlying educational offering Arts and Celtic Studies : +16% Life Sciences: +13% A competitor at the heats for the Red Bull Worldwide Paper Plane Contest on was of interest and benefi t to students.” Monday. The fi nal will take place in the Sports Centre this Friday Mulrooney defies n Overturns constitution the odds to become Lawsoc auditor Newly elected LawSoc auditor Richard Mulrooney LAURA GREENE declared himself “delighted” after winning the race he initially wasn’t allowed run in. appeal this decision to the members of the society and was Mulrooney was controversially informed before the elec- reinstated into the race for auditor. After weeks of uncertainty tions that he was not entitled to run for auditor due to a the law student’s efforts paid off. constitutional infringement. It had seemed that a two euro Out of two hundred and one votes counted, 2 of which subscription fee had been paid too late to the society by were spoilt, opponent Sean Tracey received fi fty-three and Mulrooney for him to be considered eligible for election. another rival, Barry Hickey, received thirty-fi ve. Whilst a long time member of LawSoc, he was informed One hundred and twelve votes were cast for Richard Mul- he no longer had the right to run for election as the LawSoc rooney. constitution stated that in order to be auditor one must be a The clear winner stated that he is “ecstatic” with the news fully-paid up on time member of the society. and is “looking forward to the year in his new position”, that Mulrooney: Victorious in Lawsoc contest Mulrooney, using a relatively public campaign, managed to he “worked so hard to stand in”. Another constitution on the table

Another constitutional referen- EOIN MAC AODHA lowed post-grad diploma students to The second ballot will replace the of the Union President but it would dum is to be held to overhaul and vote for it, not evening students, not current role of Women’s Offi cer with be my opinion that’s too little too late reform the current Students’ Union batical postgraduate offi cer proved mature students, not post-graduate a Gender Equality offi cer. in terms of the reforms while being constitution, which was amended problematic. degree students!” Carroll believes that “a Women’s welcomed are possibly not going far as recently as the UCDSU Sabbati- According to Carroll the amendment Students will be asked to vote on two Offi cer is both patronising and out- enough to review the constitution.” cal Elections. did not describe what a “‘programme’ separate ballots. The fi rst will regard dated. And went on to say, “There are Farrell did however, state that he felt The new constitution will replace was; nor who exactly programme rep- an entire new constitution for the SU. so many male issues out there (i.e.) it was unlikely enough students would what SU president James Carroll de- resentative offi cers were.” The prime changes will be the creation mental health, suicide. Testicular can- get out and vote. Only one thousand scribed as the current “obsolete” one The current SU President described of a paid postgrad offi cer, the creation cer is the most common type of cancer students voted in last year’s elections and to fi x the amendments passed the proposed new constitution’s aims, of a bigger SU Council with a Class in young males.” with 15% of the electorate (over three during the sabbatical elections in claiming that the purpose is “to de- Representative for every 100 students, As of yet there does not appear that thousand) needed in order for the con- March. liver a better, more coherent, more with a Mature Students’ Offi cer, Envi- an anti-new constitution campaign will stitution to be passed. Carroll described the amendments representative Students’ Union. To ronmental Offi cer, Post-graduate Of- be run but Carroll welcomed the pros- This concern was shared by the as creating a “constitutional mess” and bring the constitution up to date as it fi cer, Gender Equality Offi cer all to be pect of one claiming that he “believe[s] leader of the ‘Yes’ campaign Peter stated that the new constitution would talks in terms, faculties, departments directly elected. The IT and Communi- the ‘Yes’ people will walk any debate Doris who admitted that the issue of “deliver a better, more coherent, more etc. These are now obsolete. Finally, cations Offi cer and Outlying Faculties on the proposed changes.” numbers is “a big concern, we’ll have representative Students’ Union.” to fi x the amendments which were offi cer will also be abolished. It is felt The agent for the amendments to push hard”. Doris did hope that the The amendments passed in March passed in March 2006.” that the creation of programme offi c- passed in March, Pierce Farrell, wel- referendum on the extension of the created new “programme” offi cers and With regard to the new sabbatical ers and more Class Reps will leave no comed the new constitution comment- Student Centre would entice students the creation of a full-time sixth sab- position Carroll stated that it “only al- need for these offi cers. ing “it’s nice to see an effort on behalf out to vote. College Tribune 05.04.06 NEWS 5 Referendum to be held on new €35million Student Centre n Student Levy to be increased by €15 n No concrete plans for the project

Plans to build a new Student Centre CAITRIONA GAFFNEY Carroll shared his initial reluctance are to go ahead, despite reaction towards the planned extension. “I have against the cost by students, with a project. The college is required to com- always held back support until I got as- referendum due to be held to increase ply with the European Union’s Public surance on certain things which I have the current student levy from €63.50 Procurement Policy to ensure fairness, now secured. The pool building, Student to €78.50. transparency, equality and non-discrimi- Centre extension and current Student The venture is to be funded entirely by nation as enshrined by EU law. For this Centre will all be one joined complex i.e. UCD students and will see the present reason the college is obliged to advertise the pool won’t be transported to the front Student Centre levy rise by €15 at the in the EU journal and put the contract up of campus to service the needs of com- beginning of the 2006 academic year, for tender. muters coming off the N11. and once again rise by another €25 at However, building is expected to com- “This will be a student facility paid the start of the following academic year in mence in June 2007, and if it all goes ac- for by the students of UCD.” Carroll as- 2007. By 2008 the Students’ Union levy cording to plan, the new Student Centre serted. is expected to have reached €150. may be completed by June 2008. The students themselves, through At a cost of €35 million, the proposed The increase in the Student Centre the Union, will be picking the architect, new Student Centre, or “Student Centre levy has been met with opposition from Potential plans for the ‘biggest and best’ student centre in Ireland and all decisions will be made by the Xtended” will be an extension of the ex- all corners of UCD’s student popula- students through the SU President and isting one, with the two linked together by tion. next September costs less than the aver- an ultra modern Student Centre back the Chair of the Societies Council. The a tunnel, similar to the one that links the Conor McGowan, Class Rep for 4th age student’s night out on the town. in 2000, O’Keeffe stated that budget re- SU will also be involved as direct and Arts block and the Library building. year Mechanical Engineering, voiced “I think this is a very positive project. strictions prevented them from doing so. popular elected representatives of the The multi-million euro project will be his concerns over this hike in student The current budget for the venture is €35 “The student levy was increased to an student population. three storeys tall and is intended to be charges. million, but the overall cost will depend on amount deemed suffi cient by students at With concerns over the placement the largest and most advanced student “The Students’ Union should be cam- the demands of the students. The more the time.” of the project at the rear of the current centre in the country. It will house state paigning against all increases in charges the students want, the more the fi nal cost According to SU President, James Car- Student Centre it is believed that a multi- of the art facilities for debating, drama, and fees against students. They should will be. The students have great ideas, but roll, “It is up to the students of UCD to storey car park will be installed in the societies, presentations, cinema, media, be more careful and more sceptical of these ideas cost money. decide whether they will pay an increase vicinity of the water tower, as the Build- meetings, as well as an extended stu- this proposed project.” McGowan said. “The increase on the Student Centre in the levy which they currently pay any- ings Offi ce will no longer be permitted to dent health centre. A 25 metre swimming In defence of this rise in the charges levy is to pay off the cost of the mortgage way.” put a car park on a grass fi eld in Belfi eld. pool has also been confi rmed. incurred by the SU to fund the Student on the Student Centre.” O’Keeffe added. There will be an SU referendum on the This potential car park will also facilitate Although students will be asked to Centre, Project Manager for the pro- The existing Student Centre is only matter, with Carroll confi rming that “Thurs- visitors to the Belfi eld Bowl in addition vote to increase the levy no concrete posed new centre, Dominic O’Keeffe six years old. Responding to concerns day, April 13th is the main day of voting to the revamped Why you plans have yet been drawn up for the raised the point that the €15 increase that the opportunity was there to build on it. All students can vote.” Student Centre. should vote NO 9>

€1.00 Off any large fresh Fruit juice or Smoothie On presentation of this voucher expires end May ‘06 College Tribune 6 NEWS 05.04.06 UCD set to have a Ball

This month will see the fulfi lment RONAN DEMPSEY of a long awaited and ambitious project for the Students’ Union: TCD Students’ Union two years ago, the fi rst ever UCD Ball. as an example. Until now such an event has been Security for the external perimeter no more than an empty promise on the alone, which encircles the entire cam- manifestos of prospective Ents offi c- pus of the college, will cost the college ers at election time. an extra €15,000 while the inside area However, with support from the col- is the responsibility of promoters MCD. lege authorities, MCD, Spin 103.8FM On top of this, the presence of the and numerous emergency services is a requisite for all high-profi le acts including Tief- such events. Kelly commented “legally, schwarz and Bell X1, tickets are sell- for that amount of people [about 5,000] ing well and it is expected that they you have to have a certain amount of will not last till the confi rmed date of security. I mean they’re not being ex- Soaking: Ents offi cer Anto Kelly poses after taking a trip through the lake to promote the fi rst UCD Ball 21st of April. treme it’s just the law that you have to Current Ents offi cer Anthony Kelly have that much security. It’s a massive three stages which will be located in dif- Eilis O’ Brien wished the event every in the preparations, but we are very is positive in the face of such a large operation.” ferent points of the college campus. success “the Ball is a student event so supportive of the idea and hope it is a scale organisational project. Although much of the cost will be Director of Communications for UCD the University is not directly involved great success.” “I’m really happy with how it’s go- shouldered by the Union itself, it is ing so far I mean the response we’ve known that Vice President for Stu- gotten off the college has been great, dents, Mary Clayton, has ensured a expectations are really high. sizeable donation towards the running Dramsoc go down “I think of all the acts I’m most look- costs for the evening. As well as this, ing forward to seeing it’s got to be Bell the involvement of MCD, the largest X1 because they’re on such a high promoter in the country, ensures strong after the album and to see how that fi nancial backing. a storm at ISDAs comes across live, I didn’t go to the “We kind of learned from the Fresh- gig in the RDS and also of course ers Ball and years gone past from these JACK CANE Director whose fi rst single [‘Recon- sort of events. Having them [MCD] on nect’] is actually out on the same day board; they’re the most experienced The Irish Student Drama Awards as the ball.” concert promoters in the country, re- were again dominated by UCD’s Concerns have been raised amongst ally helps. [The college] also gave us a own Dramsoc, which took home the student body as regards funding generous contribution toward the event fi ve awards and twelve nomina- for the night, with critics looking to too, it being the fi rst year” said Kelly. tions from the festival hosted this Trinity’s long running yearly black-tie Irish acts feature strongly on the year by University College Cork. event which nearly bankrupted the line-up for the evening, spread out over The yearly awards, which were hosted last year by UCD, honoured the two plays sent by Dramsoc with Best Director and Best Overall Show for Harold Pinter’s The Homecoming, with Hannah and Shambo Martin winning Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress and Best Cos- tumes & Makeup. Outgoing auditor of Dramsoc, Ro- wena Burke, hailed UCD’s perform- shambles ance as “fantastic”, declaring herself “absolutely ecstatic, the vibe was incredible. Both of the shows [sent JACK CANE by UCD] had full houses and it was as much about people coming down The popular sandwich and getting involved as much as the bar O’Briens has not people up on stage.” Awarded: Bairbre-Ann Harkin win Best Actress at the ISDAs had its operating license Burke reserved special praise for renewed after the Sports the “between 40-50 people” who trav- great productions and although I didn’t her performance and added he was Centre moved to intro- no security of tenure.” elled down to Cork in order to see the see it, I heard Trinity’s The Pitchfork happy the “people involved got some duce a new franchise operator in However Moyles, who invested be- festival, even though they “were in no Disney [which won three awards] was recognition for it”. Dempsey was “sur- the building. tween “€85,000 and €100,000” in the way involved”, calling it the highlight of amazing. I think the smaller colleges prised – in a good way – how many The new operator will move in to site, said the rent on “the high street her year. Cork were acclaimed as ex- don’t yet realise the standard at ISDA awards we won” adding “there were the area vacated by the closure of would be between 50 and 90% higher cellent hosts by the auditor, who said but it’s great experience for them.” people who were at ISDA who I can the Sports Bar early in the academic than that of UCD”. that the “facilities were great and the Bairbre-Ann Harkin, the previous see progressing in this fi eld and those year, dispelling previous rumours that The Sports Centre asked Moyles to fringe was amazing. And the awards recipient of two Best Supporting Ac- people were duly recognised by the the space would be used to place a move his operation out of the building too, they were fantastic of course” she tress awards at ISDA, won the Best judges.” new gym. when his licence expired on Decem- added. Actress award for her portrayal of With the festival moving north to Michael Moyles, the operator of ber 6th, but was given just a month Stephen Jones, joint winner of Best Hannah Arendt, calling it “a great Queen’s University Belfast next year, O’Briens, commented “the lease to do so. Moyles appealed and was Director with Simon Ashe-Brown, de- way to fi nish”. Harkin warned that she the value of ISDA was underlined by of the upstairs unit to another food given until the 12th of March, which clared The Homecoming’s success as “wouldn’t see it as a springboard into Burke, who claimed that ISDA is “very outlet means that presumably the gave him “a snowball’s hope in hell” “a testament to the work we put into it” professional theatre, it looks good on important, because without competi- Sports Centre don’t want O’Briens to of closing the business. and added that the “competition here the CV, but you’re not going to get tion we don’t know how good we are. compete with the new outlet upstairs” Although the Sports Centre branch to even get to ISDA is fi erce”, com- spotted at ISDA” but admitted that Also the way it is adjudicated by peo- adding that UCD are “entitled to deal has closed, Moyles has won a con- menting that the rivals at ISDA were having won “will help with making my ple who work in [professional] thea- with us as they please. Every opera- tract for the Health Sciences building generally of good standard. decision on whether to pursue it as tre who critique us and let us know tor on campus is very much on the and continues to run franchises in Burke largely agreed with the di- a career as it is lovely to win.”Her di- whether what we’re doing is worth- grace and favour of UCD, we have Richview and Rathmines. rector, agreeing that “Cork put on two rector, Fionn Dempsey congratulated while at all.” College Tribune 05.04.06 NEWS 7 Brady unveils new 400m Belfield n Plans include Conference Hotel and Swimming Pool n All funding to come from private investment

Hugh Brady has revealed extensive JACK CANE plans to radically alter the complex- ion of the campus over a ten-year are ineffi cient and costly”, “the amenity period as part of the College’s ongo- and commercial base are undeveloped” ing development plan. and the “physical orientation of the cam- The plans, which were revealed to pus is inward rather than outward” with Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown county coun- all of the above a detriment to UCD’s cil in an address by the President. last growth. week, are estimated to cost UCD be- Unlike the much maligned architec- tween €300 and €400 million. ture of the centre of UCD, it is hoped Elements of the plan include a 300- that the College will “be able to develop bedroom conference hotel, a public these facilities in an architectural style plaza, shops, cafes, offi ces, a new road that is iconic and visually aesthetic, cre- network surrounding the college, a cul- ating an environment where people will tural centre including a theatre and cin- enjoy spending time.” ema, a swimming pool, and a doubling The planned development has a sub- of the number of student residences to stantial “student and community servic- around 5,000. es proposal” which will allocate one-third The ambitious plans are likely to be of campus lands to sports facilities with funded by private investment as UCD the clustering of an athletics track and has stated it does not want to charge key sports facilities around the current the taxpayer for these developments, Sports Centre. In addition the Belfi eld which will be part of the College’s previ- Bowl is to be upgraded to a 4,500-seat ously stated “front of house” plans aimed arena, and a swimming pool is to be at making the entrance to UCD more added next to the Sports Centre. “imposing”. Building works next to the lake are not Planned development is necessary, a major part of this development, with the according to UCD’s Director for Com- extension of the Administration Building munications Eilis O’Brien, who asserts (Tierney Building) a facility for the Vice- that “the transport infrastructure is creak- President for Research, not part of the ing at the seems”, “land use patterns “Gateway” or “front of house” plan. College Tribune 8 COMMENT 05.04.06 FAUSTUS Spoiling for a change SODOMISING THE PAST, Dermot Looney argues that Seanad Éireann needs major reform ERASING THE FUTURE – and UCD graduates can lead the way austus has spent some time mulling over the Students’ Union elections, and reached some depressing conclusions about to- I’m not sure of the origins of the phrase ‘graveyard’ shift to refer to the various sections of society entitled ‘corporatism.’ In practice, Fday’s crop of students. late night television, but it seems truly apt for the Seanad section it means very little – although it does put de Valera’s Constitution A warning sign was apparent this time last year, when a report into the on the post-midnight Oireachtas Report. on a par with that of Mussolini and Portugal’s quasi-fascist Sala- health of Irish students was published. 96% of students had never taken Rather than a trenchant and erudite defender of liberty against zar, who were just about the only other leaders to implement such ecstasy, 94% had never taken magic mushrooms, 95% had never taken the hurly-burly of Dáil business, Ireland’s Senate is by now insti- changes. cocaine. A shocking 62% claimed never to have smoked cannabis. Worst tutionalised as a kind of elephant’s graveyard for toupee-headed Supposedly, the majority of seats in the Seanad – 43 out of 60 of all, 72% could boast “three or fewer” sexual partners! politicians. And despite so many promises of reform, the upper – are elected by vocational panels ‘representing’ culture and edu- In other words, there’s a debauched avant-garde in UCD surrounded house, so long past its sell-by date, strikes rigor mortis at the very cation, agriculture, labour, industry, administration and commerce. by a mass of dreary tea-drinking moderates. This silent majority found heart of Irish politics. Those nominated for these panels – who are supposed to have an its voice, as the virginal hordes turned out to vote for their champions Bicameralism means that having a directly elected parliament actual attachment to these areas but rarely do – are then elected – Captain Eunuch and his premature sidekick Dave Wanger. isn’t enough to ensure checks and balances are fully met. There- by a mixture of TD’s, outgoing Senators and city and county coun- Dan’s impassioned yet insipid display at the election count augurs ill fore, as well as a ‘lower house’ of parliament – such as the House cillors. The Taoiseach of the day nominates 11 Senators, the vast for the coming year. If Hugh Brady’s sinister plotting can’t stir the student of Commons in Britain, or the Dáil here – there should be a dif- majority of which have tended to be political cronies. body into revolt, maybe they’ll fi nd the egregious metrosexuality of the SU ferently comprised upper house to hold the main chamber to The remaining six seats are elected by university incumbents too much to tolerate and take a stand in defence of traditional account. graduates – 3 by Trinity alumnus, and 3 by gradu- gender roles. It’s a slight hope but it’s all we’ve got at the moment. It’s not a concept which applies across the world ates of the National University of Ireland, *Note from the editor: some distasteful remarks about Dan Hayden – Denmark, Croatia and the faux-parliament in comprising UCD, UCC, NUI Maynooth, NUI wrapping his legs around Shaun Smyth’s head during the election China only have one house, while history has re- Galway and some smaller recognised col- count giving Smyth plenty of practice for the year ahead have been corded tricameral and even tetracameral legis- leges. This scandalous elitism is a ves- removed. latures. But modern parliaments have tended to tige of a previous desire to represent Wanger slithered back into offi ce after a year of nothingness. Hav- opt for the bicameral approach. It’s a structural some vague conglomeration of Prot- ing performed a comb-over job on his threadbare record by borrowing ideal which stretches back to ancient Greece estantism and Unionism, and a bizarre someone else’s work, Wanger conned the electorate into giving him but which began to be developed in the Lords- political notion that graduates deserve another year out from life. But what will Dave do next year, without Jane’s Commons model developed in medieval times in more votes on the basis of their achieve- work to claim the credit for? He’s already having trouble patching over Ireland, Britain and elsewhere. ment stretching back to John Stuart Mill. A the bald spots. The US Senate – to which each State elects two 1979 referendum allowed for change in the The only note of real controversy in a dreary election came when Abey senators – was developed along James Madison’s universities provided for, a change that no Gov- Campbell produced CCTV footage. Is Faustus the only one outraged ideals as “a necessary fence against...the fi ckleness and ernment, astonishingly, has yet made. by the fact that Abey Campbell has access to CCTV cameras? All this passion” of the directly-elected House of Representatives as out- As a graduate of this college I fi nd it offensive in the extreme that time, we thought he was just waddling around campus, forgotten but not lined in the famous Federalist Paper No. 51. Plenty of other fed- I am given a right to vote in Senate elections whereas those who gone, surrounded by his loyal but dwindling bunch of minions who are eral countries use that US model to ensure representation for the have graduated elsewhere are not given such a right. Far more glad to belong somewhere, anywhere. ‘states’ within the country. importantly, the notion that a graduate should have a vote over a But now it seems that Abey spends his time looking at us all! Have In Britain, bicameralism, despite recent reforms, is still based non-graduate is itself ludicrous. So what if the university graduates his posse tired of hearing the same old story about the time Abey MADE on the stupendous notion that the aristocracy deserves represen- elect good quality Senators? We shouldn’t have a vote over non- OUT with a CHICK in 2002? tation separate to the commons. Different again are the French graduates and other graduates in the fi rst place. Over on the hard left, it seems nothing can go right (geddit). Endas’s Sénat and the Eerste Kamer in the Netherlands, which are elected I registered to vote in the Seanad elections this week by going attempts to drown his sorrows in peace were crudely interrupted by an by their equivalent of county councillors. to www.nui.ie and fi lling in the postal form. When the next Seanad axe waving lunatic. It remains unclear whether this was in fact a member The basis of Seanad Éireann is more convoluted than most oth- election occurs – likely to be 2007 – I intend to spoil my vote in of Dan’s army. Instead rumour has it that it was one of Brady’s minions ers. Its historical predecessors were many, varied and mostly use- protest at this nonsensical elitism. I encourage others who feel this attempting to scare the Duffster off running again and exposing the less. There was an aristocratic House of Lords which sat in what is way to do likewise. Not voting is not enough – it is vital to register shame and degeneracy of his regime. now the Bank of Ireland in College Green from the Middle Ages to fi rst and then spoil by writing a message of protest on the ballot Finally a word of consolation for poor Dave Remond, who won, won, 1800; a British-imposed ‘Senate of Southern Ireland’ established paper. As a broader political campaign, this might just put Seanad won and then lost, lost the election. In Fausuts’ book that counts as 3-2 in 1920, which met only three times and was boycotted by nation- reform back on the agenda. to the dynamo for Wexford. The vagries of PRSTV have yet again been alists, labour and the Catholic Church; and a Free State Seanad If we are serious about bicameralism let’s start from scratch exposed with Holly’s photogenicness see her sneak in from behind. which met between 1922 and 1936 under a system of unusual with a Senate that is inclusive and refl ective of a new, progres- At least with Machiavellian Redmond in offi ce we would have had appointments and electoral quirks. sive Ireland – let’s look at having representatives from the North, something interesting to write about. Judging by some of the backbiting De Valera’s Bunreacht na hÉireann of 1937 decided to contin- from our emigrant communities abroad, from the new communities about him during and after the election it wouldn’t have been surprising ue with bicameralism but based the new Seanad on the Catho- here, from the Travelling community, etc. We need a radically-dif- to see Disco Dave hold a diabetic Red Bull competition where the fi rst lic social teaching outlined by Pope Pius XI in the Quadragesimo ferent but still democratic house if we are to have one at all. And glucose intolerant student to drink themselves into a coma would win a Anno encyclical from 1931. Pius XI had attempted to halt the rise everyone should have a say in that – not just a small proportion of crate of sugar free of the heart attack inducing liquid gold. of socialism by putting in place a system of cooperation between graduates and politicians. In the meantime, be prepared for a dread- ful year. The Students’ Union has been many things over the last fi ve years, but it’s never been dull. Surely there must be a challenge to the decaffeinated QUOTES OF THE WEEK half-and-half turnips ready to “If fi ve people who spoiled their “It is not part of the college policy emerge from some quarter? votes had instead validly voted for to restrict access to websites. If it’s Otherwise the future will Dave Redmond, the result would Bebo one day, it would be another be like a cup of tea being website the next.” poured on a human have been different.” face – forever. Returning Offi cer Morgan Shelley Communications Offi cer for UCD Computer commenting on the result of the Ents race Services Niamh Milne assures addicted “My heart goes out to Dave, I know students that there are no plans to block how awful it must be for him, to lose Bebo from campus computers by so few votes. He was awarded “We’ve had two good the position three times and then it performances now, although it was taken away.” was well due after the abysmal Newly elected Ents Offi cer, Holly Irivine, shambles we had against Pat’s” commiserates with her opponent Dave UCD Manager Pete Mahon on his side’s FAUSTUS Redmond. stalemate with league champions Cork City College Tribune 29.1.0605.04.06 EDITORIALDNFJKFJJ 99 Box 74, Student Centre & LG 18, Newman Building, Dublin 4 Telephone: 01 - 7168501 / E-mail: [email protected] LETTERS The College Tribune reserves the right to edit all letters. Box 74, Student Centre & The views expressed on this page are the views of the letter LG 18, John Henry Newman Building, Dublin 4 writers and do not refl ect the views of the Telephone: 01 - 7168501 EDITORIAL College Tribune. E-mail: [email protected] Dear Sir, Where is the proposed location for this sink-hole With regard to the last issue of The University for my hard-earned, tax free scholarship money? Observer’s insert on the new student centre, I Does the Union and it’s tool, the Observer, VOTE NO have a few points to broach. plan to consume another of we persecuted car Firstly, what’s this going to cost the proletariat owners’ increasingly rare car parks to build this oes it not seem ridiculous that students student body? I don’t want to see any more ugly and unwanted folly? will be asked to vote for a Student Cen- “student centre levy”-like charges on my fee The current student centre serves well enough tre that they know little about? form. They screw up my calculations when I’m as a gathering place for the common man; D I’m sure the majority will agree that we don’t As of yet there are no concrete plans for the fi guring out what to put on the fee transfer form centre. We have only been told what it will from my research group’s account. want them to impose this monument to student probably include. While we’re on the topic, why are we still being disenfranchisement on us, we would prefer our How then can students, in all good con- charged that levy? The student centre is long money was spent on doubling the grant and other more realistic uses. science, vote for something that in reality is an fi nished. It’s the considered opinion of my fellow students and I that it’s going toward lining the abstract ideal? pockets of wannabe-bourgeois union heads and Yours respectfully, Truly, all the facilities planned for the centre producing glossy propaganda. David Marsh sound good and would be of some benefi t to some students but are they really needed? Do students really need a parliamentary style debating chamber? Or will it just perpetuate the clique that surrounds societies like the L&H. What’s wrong with Theatre L? There are plans for an extended medical centre but where will the money come from to pay the staff. At a time when discussions took place to in- troduce a charge for the existing medical centre where will the money come from to pay staff to fi ll 17 consulting rooms, double the number of nursing rooms and a new counselling area? There are also plans for a cinema. Yet the As- tra Hall in the current student centre is certainly suitable for that means. This new centre will serve the needs of the 18th few and not the majority of current students. At the moment ordinary students really only use the current student centre for the Grind, Mick Empire Donalds and the comfy couches. The new centre will also have a reception area where students can lounge around. But is that really worth 35 million? Finally, there are plans for a swimming pool. It will probably be 25-metres as heating a 50-me- tre pool is considered prohibitively expensive. Alan Why not simply build an Olympic standard pool and discard the rest of the unnecessary and superfl uous plans. To add to the uncertainty, students will have Tully to pay to use the pool. No defi nitive price is yet on the cards. Perhaps it might be E2; therefore an avid swimmer who used the facilities three times a week for nine months of the year would be paying over E200 for the use of the pool. Dermot There may be some sort of membership deal worked out but the point is that all the intrica- Looney cies of this project will only be worked out after students have voted to hand over their money. In all honesty, it is unlikely that the referen- dum will not pass. On glossy paper this new centre looks ideal but when costs are counted and reality hits, it is hard to see it being a suc- cess. Do not throw your vote away towards some- thing that has the potential to become a serious white elephant. THe Tribune is run BY students If the drive behind this new centre is serious FOR students and receives all then surely proper and concrete plans can be its funding from advertising FUNDRAISER brought to the students before they are asked and goodwill. Please come to vote. along and support YOUR newspaper. STUDENT BAR WEDNESDAY 19THAPRIL College Tribune 10 FEATURES 05.04.06 Stalling Around In Blackrock Alexandra Byrne spent a day at the Blackrock Market talking to the various stall owners and fi nds a friendly welcome that you just don’t fi nd in the world of High Street shops.

Arriving at the Blackrock Market on themselves in Ireland. royalties. If you’re looking for an enjoyable and a Sunday afternoon, it was fairly busy Ji, who has been living in Ireland for Chandra, from Sri Lanka, has simi- interesting way to spend a Saturday or despite the drizzle. On sale here are three years and attends our very own larly turned her passion into a money- Sunday, take the DART to Blackrock products as diverse as Belgian waf- UCD, runs a jewellery stall. She says making opportunity-she sells her own Market and pick up some bargains. fl es, beanbags, dolls houses and fi sh- that she is studying business and run- homemade Indian food on her stall. She ing tackle. ning the stall gives her useful experi- informs me that she has been living in There is a tarot card reader in the ence. Ireland for 20 years. Both her children basement promising to accurately pre- Other stallholders have different rea- are grown up so she ‘thought it was a dict your future for the next six weeks sons for choosing this way of making a good idea to do something’ with her and an internet café that’s open seven living. Phillip, who runs a stall selling spare time. She gave me a free onion, days a week. books and CDs, tells me he is “incapa- garlic and ginger samosa which was Nick Roche, who has been the owner ble of working in a nine to fi ve situation. delicious. of the market since it began fi fteen years I’ve a bohemian way of thinking and a All the stall-holders seem to be united ago, tells me that it has suffered since bohemian way of living.” in their desire not to be tied down to a the opening of the Dundrum shopping Austin Scally is an artist who uses his regular job. John Conaty, who runs a centre. Families that had previously stall, called ‘Odd Art’ as an outlet for his bead stall with his daughter Velda, tells spent their Sundays strolling around huge, vibrant paintings, fi nding the rent me that in the next month alone he and the market now go to Dundrum for a in shopping centres too exorbitant. So his daughter will travel to China, Hong days shopping. It seems a shame for far he has been very successful. Other Kong , Czechoslovakia and all over the at the Blackrock Market you have the stallholders have turned their hobbies United States in search of beads to sell chance to chat to the stallholders and into businesses. on their stall. They recently had a con- buy unique products such as meteor- James has been collecting stamps, signment of meteor rocks from Argen- ites from Argentina or candied fruit from coins and postcards of Dublin for over tina which sold well. Provence. 25 years, and began running his stall Laetitia, a French woman who has Even regular purchases like books when he was forced to give up sports been living in Ireland for 3 years, is and CDs are a lot more reasonably after fracturing his spine. A business fulfi lling her dream of importing the priced than in the shops. Roche informs and IT consultant during the week, he traditional products from her childhood me that the market is trying to attract the fi nds running the stall on weekends is a in Provence to Ireland. She sells fab- Polish and Chinese communities, and in great stress reliever. His postcards and rics with traditional Provencal patterns, fact I encounter two Chinese stallhold- pictures have been featured in many lo- French food, glass jewellery and cards ers. Both are students trying to support cal history books as he doesn’t charge she makes herself. Blackrock: Home to many a bargain ESCAPE The Hands That Build America Every Summer J1 Summer survivor Alan Tully re-opens a collection of memories so traumatis- ing that sometimes when the moon is full and the night is quiet, on the haunting breeze he can still hear the words “Beer Bong! Chug! Chug! Chug!”

The fi rst important point to note Such great conversations could has its benefi ts. Since everyone else bour or any teenager, anywhere. lived in one room apartments with twelve of the J1 experience is that if you amount to: employed by the company was Irish Despite the probability of working others, but after about two weeks of that are going there to absorb a sense “Are you Irish?” you had a hundred instant drink buddies. a fi fty to sixty hour week. You will fi nd situation, you will go mental. The best of American culture, you might as “Yes, and I bet your Granpappy was When our house had a ‘keger’ (famed plenty of time for adventuring across the bet is to invest your money in paying off well go to Disneyland Paris. too!” from every teen-comedy ever produced) land. Some cities like Philadelphia and three months rent on a house with fi ve Upon arriving in the unassuming “You know my Granpappy was too. I and the cops showed up to shut it down, Washington can be seen in a couple of or six others. Depending on where you town of Wildwood, New Jersey, our think it was Bristol he was from. Is that the company informed them that if they days while the bigger ones would need a are in the States the cost would probably group was greeted by a posse of what in Tipperary?” arrested the many party-goers then the week. The best thing to do is take three work out at about $1000 for the sum- one would assume were the locals. “Piss Off.” amusement park would have to remain weeks at the end of your summer and mer. That’s about $80 a week. In our fi rst When asked about the town, they re- “Oh is that Gaelic?” shut the next day. Since the tourist econ- devote it to travelling through a stretch week each of us invested all the money plied, “Sure we’re all from Dublin. We So you are not going for that dose of omy rested critically upon this, we were of America. This is where the American we had brought with us in a summer just got into town yesterday. We have American culture. Instead though what granted a certain degree of immunity for culture experience comes in. Try and house and were forced to live of 20c no visas, no house, no job but we’ve is really in store is a summer of working the summer. take in two or three cities properly and noodles and used tea bags until the fi rst found plenty of Irish bars around.” in the very crappiest of jobs, drinking to you’ll be amazed at how rich the US pay-check came through. But this freed Our group had arrived in early June unknown proportions and living without With clubs named can be. us up for the next three months without 2003. In the summer time the popu- any sense of responsibility for three ‘The Shamrock’, ‘The New York for example is really some- worrying about the landlord threatening lation of Wildwood seasonally tripled months. Fairview’ and ‘Hill 16’ where to get lost in, whether looking for eviction and actually managing to save from 50,000 to 150,000. Of course On the job front you may think you’ll you can imagine how the greatest nightclubs on Earth, explor- a bit of money on the side, as crazy as an American population could not be fi nd an easy number in an offi ce and genuinely American ing the East Village haunts of Kerouac, that sounds. expected to fend for itself and so the so pack fi fty CVs and reference letters. this place was for the Dylan and countless others or going This year it would be wise to bring service industries and entertainment In reality you are destined to become down into the sewers to fi nd your child- $2,000, just in case anything goes complexes along the shoreline were a waiter or waitress on $3 an hour average Irishman hood heroes The Teenage Mutant Ninja wrong. You don’t want to be crying manned by Poles, Brits, Russians and (the rest being scrounged from tips), A word of warning about the party life Turtles. Or how about renting a car with home to your parents after just a few of course many, many Irish students. a painter, a slot machine attendant, though. If you are under 21, the police some friends and crossing the continent days and returning after a month with With clubs named ‘The Shamrock’, a stall-keeper on some shit-hole pier will try to bust your ass. They have a in two weeks? your tails between your legs. Remember ‘The Fairview’ and ‘Hill 16’ you can in Atlantic City, or selling newspaper tendency to raid clubs and do passport The practicalities of organising a your parents want you to bugger off for imagine how genuinely American this commissions all over San Diego. checks and set up offi cers in liquor summer like this have to be considered a few months just as much as you want place was for the average Irishman. This writer was a lifeguard in a wa- stores to catch any unsuspecting stu- though. Firstly make sure you know the to be gone. Being a shoreline tourist town though, ter-park. It was not quite Baywatch as it dents. Hint: Get to know the regular guy people you are going to be living with Finally wherever you end up this sum- this was perfectly suited to the invad- involved standing in the same position who serves at your off-license and if you well. Fights over every little thing will en- mer in the States, be prepared for the ing hordes from New York, Philadel- for an hour at a go and trying to ignore see someone else working there stay sue from buying the drink for the night slagging you’ll get when the following phia and Washington. They seemed to the drowning kid beside you as you away. For those persuaded by the more and bringing weird people home to who October back in UCD you tell friends come just to gawk at and ask obvious work off the hangover that has turned illegal substance of weed, it is ironically is going to do the dishes. Also make sure about “the trash can you totalled on the questions to the strange talkin’ foreign your skin green. more freely available in the land of the you live in comfort. sidewalk last night after chugging twelve folks. Of course such a minimal wage job free than alcohol. Simply ask your neigh- We’ve all been told about people who beasts!” College Tribune 12 ESCAPE 05.04.06 The Railway Children Christina Finn looks at a summer of travelling Europe by train, getting lost in brothels and taking advantage of Eastern European economies

S um m e r i s j u s t a r ou n d t he c or ne r , M a j o r i ty t r a i n j o u r n e y s c o s t b e tw e e n a nd t he o n l y t hi n g g e t t in g y ou € 1 5 - 2 0 , w i th p e r h a p s €1 0 e u r o e x tr a t hr ou g h s t ud y in g f or y ou r e x a m s i s i f y o u w a n t a s l e e p i n g c a r r i a g e . S o i f t he i d e a o f e s c a pi n g t h i s h e ll h o l e y o u r o n l y i n te n d i n g o n t a k i n g fi v e t r a i n w he n t h e y ar e o v e r . S o w h a t a r e j o u r n e y s t h a t o n l y a d d s u p t o €1 5 0 y ou r o p t i o n s ? A m e r ic a , A us t r a li a , with a friend . T r y a n d t r a v e l w i th a N e w Z e a la nd o r p e r ha ps S ou t h s m a l l g r o u p , t r a v e l l i n g w i th s i x te e n i s a A m e r ic a , a ll t he s e b e in g fi n e i d e a s , m a j o r h a s s l e , b e l i e v e m e ! I t w i l l m a k e bu t t h e y c om e a t a h e ft y p r ic e . S o i t m o r e d i ffi c u l t t o g e t a cc o m m o d a ti o n , if y ou w a nt t o k e e p t hi s s um m e r t o a n d a l s o t a b l e s i n r e s ta u r a n ts . a b u d g e t , i n t e r r a il i n g i s t he h o l i d a y Th e t r a i n s a r e fi n e , d o n ’t b e l i e v e f or y ou . a l l t h e s to ri e s y o u h e a r, y o u w o n ’t b e E u r o p e i s r i g h t o n o u r d o o r s te p , g a s s e d i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e n i g h t a n d a n d t h e m a j o ri ty o f u s h a ve n ’t s e e n h a v e y o u r s tu ff s to l e n , a l th o u g h i t i s a h a l f o f i t. M o st d e st i n a ti o n s a re e a sy fu n n y p ra n k t o p l a y w i th a d e o d o r a n t t o g e t t o , a l o t o f p l a ce s a re c h e a p i n c a n o n y o u r p a r a n o i d t r a v e l l i n g c o m p a ri so n t o o u r R i p o ff Re p ub l i c, co mp a n i o n . H a vi n g s a i d t h a t d o a n d t h e r e i s p l e n ty o f c r a z y p l a c e s k e e p y o u r w i ts a b o u t y o u , e s p e c i a l l y t o v i si t. S o h o w d o y o u g o a b o u t do- o n n i g h t t r a i n s . L o c k y o u r d o o r s a n d ing i t? s l e e p w i th y o u r b a c kp a ck s o n y o u r Bo th U s i t a n d S a yi t o ff e r i n te rr a i l i n g b e d a n d k e e p a l l y o u r v a l u a b l e s s u c h d e a l s, p ri ce s d e p e n d i n g o n w h a t as w a l l e t, p a s s p o r t e tc i n y o u r b u m z o n e s i n E u ro p e y o u i n te n d o n v i si ti n g b a g (practicality over fashion). a n d h o w l o n g y o u w a n t y o u r r a i l t i ck e t N i g h t t r a i n s a r e a n a d v e n tu re i n t o l a st . th e m s e l ve s a n d w e l l w o r th i t a s y o u U si t a n d S a yi t p ri ce s a re t h e s a me , sa ve t h e m o n e y y o u w o u l d h a ve ra n g i n g f r o m €1 9 5 .0 0 f o r s i xt e e n sp e n t s t a yi n g i n a h o st e l t h a t n i g h t. Af t er l iv i n g o ut o f sp re a d i n g y o u r w i n g s a l i tt l e f u rt h e r f r o m H e rz e g o v i n a a re t h e s t u d e n t fi l l e d d a ys , € 2 7 5 .0 0 f o r t w e n ty - t w o d a ys D o n ’t g e t f r e a k e d o u t e i th e r i f y o u h e a r ea c h o t h er s po ck et s h o m e ? I f y o u ar e o n a b u d g e t y o u m u s t co u n tr i e s o f E u ro p e . W h i l e y o u r p a re n ts a n d € 3 8 5 .0 0 f o r o n e m o n th f o r those l o u d b a n g i n g o n y o u r d o o r w h i l e y o u f o r w ee k s l i t t l e k e e p i n m i n d t h a t t h e p o p u l a r c a p i ta l s s tr o l l t h r o u g h w e s te r n E u r o p e y o u c a n u n d e r 2 6 . Y o u r t i ck e t w i l l c o me i n to sl e e p , a s y o u p a ss t h ro u g h o th e r ar g um e n t s w i t h t h e o f E u r o p e a r e e x p e n s i ve , a n d l e ts f a c e b e k n o c ki n g b a ck v o d k a s h o ts i n E a s te r n a c ti o n f r o m t h e fi r s t t r a i n y o u t a k e a n d c o u n tr i e s , t h e y w i l l s to p t h e t r a i n f o r i t t h e y ar e a l l t h e s a m e , th e y h a v e a rt Eu r o p e f o r 5 ce n t a g o ! D o n ’t w o rr y i ts d e p e n d i n g w h a t d u ra ti o n t i ck e t y o u p a s s p o r t c o n tr o l , a n d t h e y d o t e n d t o pe o pl e y o u t ra v e l w i t h a n d a r c h i te ct u r e , b u t s u r e w e p ro b a b l y n o th i n g l i k e t h a t m o v i e H o s te l e i th e r! ! ” c h o o se e a ch d a y s u b se q u e n t w i l l b e h a v e g u n s ! ma y ar i se, es p e c i a l ly c a n t a ff o r d t o g o s e e that type of stuff In te r r a i l i n g i s a m u s t h a v e e x p e r i e n c e a c o u n td o w n until i t e xp i re s. On e t h i n g f o r s u r e i s t o p a c k l i g h tl y . w h en t h ey l ea v e y o u i n a n y w a y. a s a s tu d e n t. W h e n a r e y o u e v e r g o i n g Th e s e o p ti o n s a r e s ti l l r a th e r I k n o w l a d i e s, i t’s h a r d t o d e c i d e w h i ch a b ro t h el E a s te r n E u r o p e i s t h e w a y t o g o f o r to s e e a n d e x p e r i e n c e t h e s e p l a c e s e xp e n si ve o n ce y o u a d d y o u r fl i g h ts s k i r t t o b r i n g t o m a tc h t h a t t o p , b u t u s s t u d e n ts , a n d i t’s n o t d o w n si zi n g , a g a i n . A f t e r l i vi n g o u t o f e a ch o th e rs o n to t h a t, e sp e ci a l l y a s w e a re b ro ke r e a l l y c a r r y i n g a r o u n d a 7 0 ki l o b a g D o n ’t b e w o r r i e d a b o u t s h a r i n g a th e s e p l a c e s a r e g e n u i n e l y t h e b e s t p o c k e ts f o r w e e k s l i tt l e a r g u m e n ts w i th s tr u g g l i n g s t u d e n ts s e e ki n g t o fi n d a i s n o f u n and since y o u are g o i n g r o o m w i th s tr a n g e r s , i t’ s a l l p a r t o f t h e u p a n d c o m i n g d e s ti n a ti o n s , t h e y d o n ’t th e p e o p l e y o u t r a v e l w i th m a y a ri s e, g o o d t i me f o r n e xt t o n o th i n g ! T h e se to l o o k l i k e c ra p f o r m o s t o f t h e t r i p , e x p e r i e n c e , b y t h e e n d o f t h e t r i p t h e y ’l l h a v e t h e e u r o y e t s o you get the sort of e s p e c i a l l y w h e n t h e y l e a v e y o u i n a c o mp a n i e s a re t h e re t o m a ke m o n e y w h y b o th e r? Bo o k y o u r fi r s t h o st e l b e y o u r b e s t b u ds a n d y o u w i l l e n d u p value for money you can only dream b r o th e l i n P o l a n d , b u t u l ti m a te l y y o u w i l l a n d I w o u l d s u g g e s t t h e s e t r a i n b e fo re y o u l e a ve a n d a ft e r t h a t j u st m e e ti n g t h e m e ve r y w h e r e e l s e y o u of at home. b e c o m e f r i e n d s f o r l i fe . t i ck e ts a re n o t w o rt h y o u r w h i l e . F r o m p l a y i t b y e a r, b o o k a s y o u g o a l o n g . tr a v e l , i t’s a s m a l l w o rl d . H o w e ve r, i f M e r i e l H a y e s , 3 rd y e a r A r ts , w h o Th i s t r i p i s r e a l l y a l l a b o u t s l um m i n g m y e x p e r i e n c e o n m y i n te r r a i l i n g Ge n e ra l l y l o o k f o r o n e i n a c e n tr a l y o u a re m o r e c a u ti o u s , r o o m s g e n e r a l l y tr a v e l l e d t o E a s te r n E u r o p e l a s t s u m m e r i t, b u t y o u ’l l h a v e s o m e c r a z y f u n w h i l e a d ve n tu re , t h e U si t o r S a yi t t i ck e t a re a . O n e w i th a b a r d o w n s ta i r s i s c o m e i n e ve n n u m b e r s i f y o u w a n t t o fi l l sa i d “It w a s a n e xp e ri e n ce ! T o ta l l y w o rt h y o u ’r e d o i n g i t. A n d d o n ’t w o r r y i f y o u c h a r g e s y o u f o r t h e m a x i m u m a m o u n t a g o o d l a u g h a s y o u g e t t o m i n g l e th e m w i th j u s t friends. i t. F a r c h e a p e r t h a n W e s te r n E u r o p e ar e a b i t o f a g i r l y g i r l , I t r a ve l l e d w i th a o f m o n e y y o u c o u l d p o ss i b l y s p e n d w i th o th e r b a c k p a c k e r s o v e r a j u g o f So , w h e re t o g o ? D o y o u f e e l l i ke a n d w a y m o re f u n . C ze ch R e p u b l i c, g i r l w h o b r o u g h t a b i g p i n k s u i tc a s e a n d o n t r a i n s. l a r g e b e e r. l i v i n g i t u p i n P a r i s a n d R o m e , o r P o l a n d , S l o va k i a , H u n g a r y a n d C r o a ti a s h e s u r v i v e d , j u s t a b o u t!

College Tribune 14 ESCAPE 05.04.06 1180AAROUNDROUN8D THETHE WORLDWO0RLD ININ DDAYSAYS Feel like just one country isn’t enough? Ruth Collier looks back on the adventure that saw her circle the globe, leaving her inner-bohemian behind on the way

Thinking of setting out to see the ticket is your best option. All fl ights are remotely resembling the international defi nitely recommended for those look- a motorbike (clearly not in McGregor world but not quite sure how to go pre-booked, so there is no need to give airport you were originally aiming for. ing for a little thrill ride. league, but a motorbike nonetheless). about it? You could challenge the time to the conundrum of how to get Or, as is most common, fi nd that trav- The rows of tuk-tuks found on any If tempted by these machines though, oceans on a one-man boat, catch from deepest Peru to the Patagonian elling over land, whether by jeep or on given street in Thailand or Cambodia hold on tight and always exit from the the Orient Express and head East coastline for sunset. A word of advice to camel back, is by far the most interest- are a sight equal to any Buddhist tem- left side. Ignore this advice and you or pedal your way down through anyone travelling from South America ing way to see the country. ple. Those specifi c to Cambodia look may burn the crap out of yourself. On China and trade in your bike for an to New Zealand; as the only possible The longer you spend travelling, the like they were designed by a slightly second thought, maybe it’s best you elephant at the Thai border. route is from Santiago de Chile to less enthusiasm you’re likely to gener- unhinged man who robbed the passen- kids stay away from such hazards all Or you could take the easy option, Auckland, fl ights must be booked well ate for rushing for that connecting fl ight. ger-carriage from a children’s train in a together. particular suited to those with a lim- in advance. The roaming bohemian within will more playground, then welded it to the side of Travel, by whatever means you per- ited time to travel and a good sense Be warned though, if you are the than likely take the philosophical view- a motorbike. Amazingly, they maintain sonally prefer, is by far the best way of of timeliness and buy a one way ticket type of person who prefers to wing it, point; ‘ I’m happy here and I’ve taken balance even when loaded up with four breaking free from the oppressive con- around-the-world. living every day in blissful ignorance, a shine to my camel so I should stay travellers accompanied by over-sized crete surrounds of UCD and student-life Impulsive maybe, even a little cheeky there are disadvantages to such fi nely a little longer.’ rucksacks. in general. For those of you who want to perhaps, but then so are all adventures. organised adventures. The nature of Unfortunately, the sensible student Obviously a slight lift of the front or see everything but have limited time in Do not be put off by the potential price travelling in such a manner means that who booked such a timely based tick- rear wheels is to be expected when which to do it, a round the world ticket either, tickets can be found for surpris- you have to decide in advance how et will be guilted into not wasting the taking a sharp turn to avoid on-coming is indeed worth considering. It’s a great ingly good value. Four continents that long you want to be in any one place. money spent and the inner-bohemian vehicles. But fear not, such life-threat- ticket for fi rst time travels. include 20 fl ights excluding inter-conti- No getting lost or drunk or wandering is, as ever, suppressed. ening moments will be looked back on The question is though, having been nental, can be yours for the handsome off, it’s all about timing and a dash of Despite this, having a round-the- fondly in years to come. around the world in a hundred and sum of about €1200, give or take a organisation. world ticket does not limit your travel If you are more inclined towards the eighty days, would I buy another? I think cent or two. Apart from such self-infl icted prob- options entirely. You will still have am- Ewan McGregor style of travelling, then not, I’ve grown to believe the bohemian If you like to have everything planned lems, you could easily fi nd yourself on a ple opportunity to test the local forms you’re in for a treat in Vietnam where deserves a little bit more respect. But in advance then an around the world broken down bus miles from anywhere of transport, which are a lot of fun and the local form of taxi is on the back of everything should be done once.

The College Tribune’s Marco Polo, Derry Nairn, looks back on his travels in Japan and gives more than a few reasons why the Irish student should look to the rising sun this summer for adventure. Just beware of the Sake

The rising sun, Mount Fuji, of sake (rice wine) and a large green tea, sake, Toyotas: for Japanese radish we had recently most people these things can christened Isaac. conjure up images of only one Between us we just about held country; Japan. One Decem- a profi ciency in Japanese and one ber morning last year, all fi ve valid international driving license. of them bizarrely combined Our appetite for adventure was to give me the most enduring keen after our fi rst term in col- memory of the country I was lege. So we headed south, for lucky enough to be studying in the Kansai region. This is an area for a year. steeped in the living history of the It was dawn. The second day of old capitals of Kyoto and Nara, but a road trip that myself and some which also boasts the modern me- friends had been meticulously tropolises of Osaka and Kobe. Its planning for weeks. Up until now, people are renowned throughout everything had gone well. We Japan for their distinctive dialect had excitedly packed our rented of kansai-ben and their friendli- car and left Tokyo behind us. We ness. were a motley crew. Besides my- The ancient route between Edo self, there was a Finn, a Tunisian, (as Tokyo used to be known) and two Italians and two Canadians. Kansai was known as the tokaido. Then, for some reason, in the Long ago, riders used it to gallop back seat beside me there was between emperor to samurai and also a plastic, four-litre container back again. Fifty-fi ve famous College Tribune 05.04.06 ESCAPE 15

The Orient Express

views along it were famously depicted of tea, our necks craned, dumbfounded Its most famous delicacy, now to be its for good fortune. We were faced and instead welcomed us with gifts by the artist Hiroshige. Today, however, by the awesome fi rst sighting of this sa- found all over Japan, are mochi. These with endless gifts of sweet plum wine on the fi rst night and breakfast every the original route is a path in the hills cred mountain, a memory I hope never are balls of pounded sweetened rice, and smiling inquiries as to our national- morning. while the modern traveller uses a six to lose. usually fi lled with azuki sweet bean ity. Another testament to that famous We spent fi ve nights in total in the lane motorway paved in black tarmac, Thankfully, we convinced our Cana- paste and wrapped in a tea leaf. They Kansai warmth of character came at Kansai region, and loved every minute resting himself in neon-lit truck stops dian friends not to try and tug the Toyota have the consistency of old chewing our Japanese inn, or ryokan, where of it. Our rental period nearly up, our along the way. On our journey, by mid- out of the ditch all by themselves. A tow gum, and oddly enough, are quite we slept on futon in a straw-matted four litres of sake now drained and night, we were stopped in one to rest for truck was called and any tricky police delicious and addictive. Other Kansai room with paper screens, just like Isaac the radish now compost, we re- the night. Predictably, it was there that questions were avoided. We ventured on ‘I’ll try anything once’ dishes to be sa- in ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’. There, we luctantly began to make our way home- boredom set in, the sake was opened to Kyoto, hungry for breakfast. Luckily, voured or regurgitated - the choice is were hosted by a charming old lady ward. But time was left for a quick visit and our troubles began. the area has a rich culinary tradition. yours - are fried squid balls and bar- who ignored our rampant alcoholism to another sacred mountain, this time The crack of a golden dawn the fol- becued sparrow. the peak of Hiei. lowing day found a strange scene un- ‘Our trusty Having explored ancient Nara, ‘Kansai dishes This is the highest of the hills which folding in a tea fi eld near a truck stop Toyota was populated by tame deer and boasting ring Kyoto, and one of the reasons roughly halfway along the tokaido. Our the world’s oldest wooden structure, to be savoured why it was a convenient fi rst-choice trusty Toyota was perched dangerously perched we decided we’d had enough austere or regurgitated as bombing target for the Enola Gay at the top of a steep ditch at the edge dangerously culture. So after a raucous bout of all- in 1945. As I took in the stunning view of the fi eld. Two of its former occupants you-can-drink karaoke, we rang in the are fried squid at the summit which the Buddhist stood beside it arguing over how best at the top of a New Year in traditional style at a Bud- monks share in snowy solitude with to lever it back out while, above them, dhist temple where people traditionally balls and wild monkeys, I found myself thankful the fi rst rays of sunrise caught Fuji’s steep ditch at go on December 31st. that the city’s cultural heritage, both snowy cone, hovering magically above the edge of the The air was fi lled with the delicious barbecued ancient and modern, was spared by the low clouds. The rest of us stood smell of barbecuing meat as families sparrow’ bad weather, and now lives on for visi- amongst the straight, dark green rows field’ crowded the enclosure to ask the spir- tors such as ourselves to enjoy. ‘Pretend to spot a book and ‘Pitchfork is what Rolling lean across her, tongue coiled, Stone Was in its prime’ ready for action’ The Lunge 23> Broken Social Scene 19> DISTRACTIONS FASHION 18 FILM 20 MUSIC 22 HEALTH 25 REGULARS 26 THE TURBINE 28 BAG it THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS Every girl should have a sexy black number in her wardrobe ready to be pulled out at the first sign of any formal occasion. It’s so versa- tile, capable of being dressed up or down depending on the event. And with the UCD Ball around the corner a black dress is a must have for any girl who loves to be understatedly sexy and glamorous without the fuss. Icon: Angelina Jolie STRIPES ALL ROUND Stripes are a must have this season for both Icon: Catherine Deneuve Lorina Mahapata male and female. Whether its pinstripe or Lisa Hubendik B & L horizontal they are out in an array of funky co- Politics lours and set to be this season’s hottest trend. Icon: Sienna Miller A piece of advice, stay away from those big black and brilliant white woolly jumpers, they’re Icon: Scarlet Johansson Michelle McCoy just plain ugly. Holly Irvine 2nd Economics Arts International NAUTICAL The nautical aka sailor rig out, has hit many of the high streets shops with force and has appeared on catwalks across the Europe, from cute little pumps to navy and white accessories. Ahoy Matey!! BIN it BLONDE First of all this is not a dig at all those beautiful blondes out there, it is merely an observation. The once vast sea of blonde hair is dwindling in exchange for sultry brunettes. Reese Wither- spoon, SJP and Brittany Murphy, are among a vast range of stars that have alternated blonde for brunette. So girls, ditch the high maint nance peroxide look and opt for the natural mahoga- ny look instead.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY. Admittedly, actress Kiera Knightley is extremely beautiful, young and minted. But her recent Oscar nomination for Pride and Prejudice has raised some questions as to what she was actu- ally nominated for, come on she already has the accent!

DESIGNER OVERKILL. The word ‘Chav’ comes to mind when you see STYLE another celebrity or wannabe Z-list ‘celebrity’ Icon: Kate Moss kitted out from head to toe in Ciara Cronan designer gear, think Col- ICONS leen Mcloughlin and 3rd Arts Louis Vuitton, The City Boys and their Burb- Icon: Kate Moss erry you get the idea. Rosalyn Moran English College Tribune 05.04.06 HEALTH 17 Rape and date rape For most it is a worst nightmare, but for some it is a reality. Caitrina Cody sheds light on the delicate subject of rape and date rape, abolishing myths that exist in relation to the issue.

Rape is a horrifi c experience that sex. In simple terms, ‘no’ means ‘no’. can leave a victim psychologically A person has the right to refuse sex at and emotionally traumatised. It any stage, no matter what their behav- is defi ned as the crime of forcing iour prior to this has been. someone to submit to sexual inter- In their defense a rapist may claim course without consent. The effects that the victim provoked the attack by of the experience can be depres- wearing provocative clothing or by sion, anxiety and even suicidal agreeing to accompany the rapist to ‘Anything tendencies that can remain with a secluded spot i.e. an apartment or the victim for many years if help is parked car. This is not an excuse. ‘Vic- not sought. tim blaming’ refers to popular attitudes but yes It is usually associated with the idea that certain behaviours by a victim may of shadowy alleyways, deserted parks encourage rape. Victims may be said means no’ and dangerous strangers prowling in to have ‘asked for it’ by not behaving the night. Most of us feel relatively safe in a demure manner. on the other hand when in the compa- These attitudes are extremely out- ny of companions and acquaintances, dated and irrational, and in the criminal leaving bars and restaurants, having system provocation is not accepted as coffee in friends’ apartments. mitigation for rape. Rape is always the However, a terrifying fact is that many rapist’s fault and the victim is simply of the perpetrators of rape are known not to blame. Men must be alert and to the victim at the time of the attack. aware to the refusals of a companion This disturbing factor means that many to engage in sex and must immediately cases of rape are never reported to cease any effort to coerce them, emo- the police by the victim. When a victim tionally or physically. knows his or her attacker the typical Certain social misconceptions may feelings of violation and distress are discourage victims of sexual attacks compounded by feelings of betrayal, from going to the authorities. Fearing fear and even guilt. their stories may not be believed or home. The ability of the victim to resist Victims unsure of what they have areas of Irish society but is of particular The idea that rape happens to an from a sense of shame, victims may an attack is hugely decreased by seda- experienced perhaps would prefer importance to college students. In an unfortunate few is false. According to suffer in silence, withdrawing emo- tive drugs and many victims will retain to blame their incapacity on a drug environment that is often associated Rape Crisis Network Ireland, one in tionally from the world and becoming no memory of events that happened rather than admit to consuming co- with binge-drinking and student par- fi ve women and one in ten men have depressed as a result. Victims can of- over the fi ve or six hours that the ef- pious amounts of alcohol. However, ties, extra vigilance is needed to en- experienced sexual violence. The ten feel that they deserved the attack fects will last. engaging in sexual intercourse with sure one’s safety from sexual attacks. Dublin Rape Crisis Centre received and some may even be subjected to In response to this trend, men and someone incapacitated by alcohol It is extremely important for students 10,944 genuine calls to the phone line emotional blackmail by the perpetra- women have been warned against the is considered rape according to the to ensure that they do not wander the in 2004. This places the issue on an tor. Rapists may threaten the victim, dangers of leaving drinks unattended legal defi nition of the term. A per- campus alone at night and that they unfortunately large scale and has huge claiming that nobody will believe his in bars and at parties and are encour- son that is powerless to say no is in remain with trusted friends while so- implications for Irish society. Chang- or her story, or even deny that any aged to never accept drinks from a similar position to a victim that says cialising. Above all, it is essential that ing outdated attitudes towards victims such incident took place. Therefore it strangers and to stay with friends at no and is ignored. Men and women students stay in control while drinking of rape and placing the focus on im- is important that a victim of a sex crime all times. However there have been should be warned that drinking to ex- and do not place themselves at risk proved support systems and increased inform either the gardai or the Rape relatively few proven cases of drug- cess places us in positions of danger with both strangers and acquaint- government funding to crisis centres is Crisis Centre immediately. assisted rape in Ireland. and that realistically, it is alcohol, not ances. essential if we wish to help the huge Rohypnol that is the most dangerous For victims of sex crimes, the Rape numbers of rape victims in Ireland. Date Rape Drugs Engaging date rape drug. Crisis Centre is an invaluable sup- Date rape is a term used to describe The subject of date rape drugs such port. Callers to the 24- hour hotline a sexual attack on a person by some- as Rohypnol has received much at- in sexual Male Rape are encouraged to share their horrifi c one known to the victim socially. The tention in the media over the last few intercourse Traditionally, rape is seen as a crime experience with the trained counsel- rape can be committed by a friend, years, with increasing numbers of exclusively committed by males lors and members of the centre will ac- casual acquaintance or even a cur- calls made to the Rape Crisis Centre with someone against females. In fact there is a company victims to the gardai to give rent romantic partner. This is one of and to the gardai from people believ- incapacitated high number of sex crimes committed statements. It is essential that victims the most controversial forms of rape ing themselves to be the victims of against male victims and according to receive counselling in the aftermath as in many cases it can be non-violent. drug-assisted rape. by alcohol is the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, 12% of their experience to help them to Society can send out mixed messages Rohypnol is a powerful sedative, considered rape of calls to their hotline are made by resolve any issues of guilt or shame about this form of rape with many peo- available only on prescription in Ire- male callers. Male victims suffer trau- they may feel. ple feeling that it takes place more as a land. It is colourless and odourless and ma from rape and sexual assault just The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre offers result of miscommunication than from when dissolved in liquid it is virtually Most victims of rape tested for sub- as females do. In addition, there can free counselling and support for friends any criminal intent. undetectable. When ingested, the drug stances such as Rohypnol have only be feelings of shame and self-loathing and family. They provide information However, the law remains clear may incapacitate a person without the shown excessively high levels of al- experienced, resulting in many male and statistics to the public and work and makes no distinction between person knowing that they have been cohol in their blood. Taken in large victims being unwilling to report the hard to abolish myths that exist in rela- a rape committed by a stranger and drugged. In fact, the effects of the drug amounts, alcohol can produce very crime. Such victims may consider the tion to the issue of rape, such as that rape committed by an acquaintance may seem similar to the effects of alco- similar effects to sedatives, causing shame of disclosure as worse than it is a primarily female concern. Above of the victim. If the sexual activity was hol intoxication. In this manner, a rapist unconsciousness and memory loss the crime itself and like many female all, they offer a supportive ear to the non-consensual, then it remains a sex may take advantage of the insensible and can also lower a person’s ability victims, choose to suffer in silence. many victims that blame themselves. crime in the eyes of the law, regardless victim, perhaps offering to escort them to resist rape. The high number of unreported male of any prior circumstances. Anything rape crime contributes to the diffi culty The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre, 70, but yes means no. The Statistics of compiling information on the subject. Lower Leeson Street,, Dublin 2. A victim may blame themselves for The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre em- Offi ce Hours: provoking the rape by fl irting with the n 1/5 women experienced Sexual Violence phasise that all callers are welcome, Mon - Fri - 8.00am to 7.00pm rapist or even engaging in some sexual n 1/10 men experienced Sexual Violence regardless of gender, and counselling Sat - 9.00am - 4.00pm activity but it must be emphasised that n 12% of calls made by male callers is available for both male and female Phone No: 01 661 4911 engaging in such activity does not in- n 10,944 genuine calls to Dublin Rape Crisis Centre in 2004 victims. Email: [email protected] validate the right for anyone to refuse Figures according to Rape Crisis Network Ireland The issue of rape is relevant to all Website: www.drcc.ie College Tribune 18 MUSIC 05.04.06 AURAL EXAMINATIONS

DIRECTOR JOSH RITTER SEMIFINALISTS STEREOPHONICS RECONNECT THE ANIMAL YEARS SEMIFINALISTS LIVE FROM DAKOTA Director are one of those bands that actually live Ritter, in TAY, concentrates on three grand themes, This is not an album for everyone but thought has Dakota is a nice enough place. It is situated in up to the kind of hype Irish ‘music’ publications Love, War and Religion, combining them with a clearly been invested in it. Semifi nalists obviously the western north-central region of the USA and was ranked 16th in size of all of the states until dole out over any half-wit that can stand in the vi- human voice. had a defi nite sound in mind while recording and, it was split, in 1889, for clarities purpose, into cinity of an instrument; provided of course they are listening to it, you can’t help but feel that they got On ‘Girl in the War’, the opening song, he ques- North and South Dakota. wearing appropriate clothing. tions why, if God allows war, would he hate man, what they set out for: there is a sense of achieve- The main employment opportunities are to Any ‘next big thing’ label here is fully deserved if ment about this album. and claims he’s no God if he does. be found in agriculture, manufacturing and tour- it is applied over the coming months. They don’t so After a poor start with opener ‘Origin Song’, ism. Topographically, travelling around Dakota The epic ‘Thin Blue Flame’ is Ritter complet- much write as craft the kind of pop songs that not which is, in essence an irritating melody with what (North and South) you are most likely to see ing these meditations, as he comes to view God even the most credible of anti-mainstream heads sounds like an out of time drum beat and that hor- prairies, hills, or cities, which is interesting. both here and abroad could claim demonstrate a as a comic fi gure. Then war and religion seek rible Pixies aping high pitched shrieking, the al- The nickname for North Dakota is the ‘Peace Garden State’, the nickname for South Dakota lack of talent. each other for a passionless embrace, trying to bum improves drastically. is ‘Mount Rushmore State’ because the cliff face fi nd comfort in their meaningless partnership. ‘Reconnect’ is simply great, and greatly simple; The beautiful polyphony of a clear, rambling carved into the faces of four revered presidents at least that’s the fi rst impression you get. ‘Sim- Ritter’s sound is the mellow folk of guitars and pi- guitar, a sleepy synth and a sad female voice on of the country is located there. ple’, but only in the same sense as the Beatles, anos, somewhere between Springsteen and Iron standout track ‘Lets Kill This’ slowly builds up to a Some would say that South Dakota has a Randy Newman or Steely Dan: steadily and con- & Wine. It’s occasionally beautiful, and often tiring. crescendo of Godspeed proportions with not even better nickname than the North, others would disagree but admit that the North has a more fi dently simple. Ritter is telling stories for us to draw our own con- half the instruments. With Director the beauty lies in the details and The Flaming Lips, Radiohead, the entire lo-fi feminine nickname. clusions, though he can be too preachy. There are universities in both regions. Coyote in the arrangement: those lyrical moments where scene at the moment, and of course Sigur Ros all ‘The Animal Years’ begs us to question our re- are in plentiful supply in both North and South you can’t imagine anything fi tting better or commu- get a look in here as apparent infl uences. lationship to authority, the powerful are seen to be Dakota. The climate in the area is cold in the nicating themselves so precisely, the bass line in If you like these bands, Semifi nalists are worth winter and hot in the summer, this is similar ridiculed because they allow suffering, but it’s the general, the subtle but crucial fi lls on the bass tom checking out. If you don’t, don’t rule them out. to Ireland. before the crescendo, those lightest of touches on joy of love and the beauty of life matters to Ritter. They have managed that rough, unpolished and As regards trees, if you like White Spruce, the guitar to add effect, even the pronunciation of He bristles with rage on ‘Thin Blue Flame’ but disjointed sound you get from unmixed tracks or Picea Glauca, the chances are you will ap- the words…I could go on. The b-side ‘She’s Say- clearly the divisive power of war and religion for while at the same time achieving a distinctive preciate Dakota. ing Things’ is great too. him is destructive. ‘Idaho’ is a lament for his native overall clarity from the ensemble. Check them out Worth a visit. Magnifi cent. state. It sounds like a eulogy to a dead land. on myspace fi rst.

8/10 RONAN DEMPSEY 8/10 KINGSLEY KELLY 7/10 JAMES FOLEY DAKOTA/10 RONAN DEMPSEY GIGWATCH Thursday 6th April Arts Day nAfternoon events include 5 a-side soccer tournament at the Sports centre, MEL BROOKS ALEXANDRE DESPLAT comedy debate, screening of 40yr Old Virgin, Whose Line Is It Anyway. The evening’s festivities kick off at 6 o’clock in the bar and end up with Shindig in THE PRODUCERS SYRIANA Crawdaddy. Reservations are oft expressed about the practise I’d like to know how Alexandre Desplat was asked to soundtrack Syriana. of remaking successful fi lms from the past. th Typically, the more successful or well-loved the I imagine writer/director Stephen Gaghan pitching Wednesday 12 April classic, the more vehement is the outrage when the movie to Desplat excitedly. “It’s a movie about plans are announced to remake it, complete with the complexities of oil politics between America, the Middle East and China.” A blank face greets him. younger, ‘more fashionable’ stars, and a complete nNational Student Music Awards Final. TBMC. €9.50. 7.30pm “It immerses the viewer in the ambiguous and con- lack of sensitivity for what made it great in the fi rst nPrizes include Featuring The Reverb, Bravest Kid in School, Lost, Lotus Lullaby, voluted moral atmosphere of the international free place. Autobahn, The Roll Models and Roper. Also featuring special guests Turn after market.” Silence. “It’s got George Clooney in it?” The Producers was one such fi lm. There exists It must have been a successful pitch though. Ex- the competition. a quagmire of confl icting affi rmations and denun- perienced soundtracker Desplat has made a good ciations of the 2006 remake of the 1968 master- stab at this. Opting for the atmospheric approach, th piece, amid which it is hard to know whether the his soundtrack uses stripped-back synths and fru- Thursday 13 April fi lm made an improvement on its predecessor, or gal, minor key piano motifs over middle-eastern n20:00: Battle of the Bands Final. Student bar. Adm. Free was put to shame, or simply managed not to of- rhythms and frame-drum styled electronic beats, fend anyone. reminiscent of Peace Orchestra’s work on the Ani- nWith €1000 and a slot at the fi rst ever UCD Ball up for grabs this should be a Of at least one thing we can be sure. The sound- matrix soundtrack. good night. Featuring Bravest Kid In School, The Internet, The Musical Show, track is neither any better, nor any worse. All the Minimal orchestral hits and ornamentation help Travega and Morning Hush. to fi ll out the sound while subtle, frantic strings lend old favourites are here, recorded in clear stereo, a recurring, uneasy ambience to a record which and with appropriately faithful adherence to the gravitates effectively between cinematic moods; original formula. Newcomers Will Ferrell and Uma st from a sombre, refl ective serenity to an urgent, driv- Friday 21 April: Thurman acquit themselves appreciably. Even if ing menace. you were a fan of the original movie, and dislike As with most cinematic soundtracks this music UCD Ball the newer fi lm, it is hard to see how you might dis- works best as aural decoration, but there is enough like this offering, so comparatively indifferent is interesting material here to endear it to the less- nYou all know about it, fi rst of its kind in UCD and all that, featuring Bell X1, this type of music to questions of taste. than-casual listener too, and it will reward repeated Tiefschwarz, Damian Dempsey and many more. Tickets are on sale now at SU Those who fi nd insipid the out-of-context musi- playing. And, furthermore, George Clooney doesn’t shops about campus. cal-number, however, need not apply. get to sing on it. 8/10 FIONN DEMPSEY 7/10 FIONN DEMPSEY College Tribune 05.04.06 MUSIC 19

Kingsley Kelly meets the impressive Breaking into Broken Social Scene collective for a chat about their new album and the diffi culties associated with working the Scene in such a large group Broken Social Scene are the great- two albums. These were all missing artists themselves to concentrate on as it does. It would be nearly im- ics blog) have had an incredible est band in the world at the moment. in action on the night. their roles in the vast collection of possible to run this band with affect because holy shit; you can Their recent gig at the Temple Bar Mu- Not that it phased the band in bands signed to their own indie label the red tape of a major label. choose music based on something sic Centre was one of the best I’ve ever the slightest; BSS, are a well-oiled Arts and Crafts label. They aren’t a typical band and a huge other than advertising. Pitchforkme- seen, which is saying something. terrorist cell of a band. The head Yet when brought together as Bro- problem for independent bands is at- dia.com is the most famous of these, As if that wasn’t impressive enough, honchos: Kevin Drew and Brendan ken Social Scene, they are a rock sol- tracting any interest at all. To say the it’s generally held for launching The they did it with four band members Canning were the sole contributors id musical unit. John Crossingham, latest indie music craze isn’t related Arcade Fire. Broken Social Scene playing a separate concert that very to the largely instrumental fi rst album one of six guitarists, is refreshingly to the internet is to deny hearing any have also been their darlings since night in America; unfortunately one of ‘Feel Good Lost’ back in 2001 and honest and down to earth. His own awkward reports by respected news they were found in a box of embar- the problems of a collective comprised largely dictate the sonic directions of band, Raising the Fawn, just released presenters on why those Arctic Mon- rassingly named bands that were of many different musical groups. A fact ‘The Maginot Line’ which they are obviously going to be crap emo. that ensures much diversity as well. It’s really exciting: currently touring following the close I was looking out “It’s no exaggeration to say that after “We’ve got Stars and Metric who the response to of the BSS tour; one which managed at this sea of two “You Forgot It In People,” got 9.2, we need their space to tour. We’ve got a whopping three continents in just broke. We’re never going to make an Raising the Fawn, Apostle of Hustle, the new album, it’s a month. thousand people album thinking is this what Pitchfork Do Make Say Think all combined in just taken us to a “Well yeah, for a lot of the crowd thinking; ‘is this would want, but at the same time we this one band. It also helps that we the new record is like it’s our fi rst were glad they didn’t hate our new have some very multi-talented mu- whole new level record. We’d been prepared to write for real? album. Pitchfork is what Rolling Stone sicians in the band. I’ll play guitar off Europe and the U.K. But then Un- was in its prime.” and second drums as well as some cut and MOJO were hailing the al- of the vocals. Or Lisa (Lobsinger) bum as fantastic. The crowds in the will do vocals for a song which U.K. were insane: we sold out the would have been Emily (Haines).” Astoria. I was looking out at this sea Stars are an integral part of Broken the band. of two thousand people thinking; ‘is keys are doing so well. Social Scene and Emily Haines of Producer David Newfeld magically this for Real?’ It’s really exciting: the If I get told the internet is a pow- Metric and Leslie Feist have brings the whole ensemble together response to the new album, it’s just erful learning tool one more time I’ll provided the most soulful from a massive collection of cuts taken us to a whole new level.” scream, but no-one in the music in- and beautiful lyr- of all fi fteen members (and That’s one of the most im- dustry likes to admit that they’re hav- ics for their past some extras) on their re- portant things; Broken Social ing to accept that if you want to sell spective instru- Scene owns their particular la- music, than we want to know ments. This bel and run things their way. if it’s good. leaves the Which is probably why the Zines (that band works new word for a mu- sic crit- College Tribune 20 FILM 05.04.06 FILM A thug T called Thug Tsotsi 9/10

Tsotsi is a heart warming story opening minutes -- a shocking if not with a redemptive theme running quite believable sequence -- not only through it. Set amidst a backdrop is Tsotsi unbothered by stirrings of of economic hardship, it portrays guilt, he brutally beats a gang member the realities of life in decaying (Mothusi Magano) who feels they’ve townships of post-Apartheid South gone too far. Africa. Or is his vicious reaction a manifesta- The fi lm is located in the sprawling tion of long-dormant conscience? A few Johannesburg township of Soweto scenes later, Tsotsi steals a car from an where survival is the primary objec- upper-class black woman and leaves tive. his victim screaming in anguish in her Tsotsi’s granite exterior begins to arrangement rises the fi rst chance at country’s future, South Africa’s poor Tsotsi played by Presley Chweneya- driveway. For good reason: Her infant crack. Memories of his own childhood human connection Tsotsi has known. are besieged by crime, poverty and the gae is a moving portrait of an angry son is still strapped in the back seat. seep in -- both the domestic trauma he Adapted from acclaimed South Af- scourge of AIDS, whose bitter legacy is young man living in a state of extreme Rather than fi nding a way to return the ran from as a boy and the unforgiving rican playwright Athol Fugard’s novel that kids like Tsotsi are left homeless, urban deprivation. child or disposing of him in ways not fi t homeless existence to which he fl ed. was originally set in the 1950s, Tsotsi’s orphaned and utterly without hope. The fi lm traces six days in the life of to contemplate, Tsotsi takes him home Desperate to feed the child, he barg- story was updated to the post-apart- A worthy winner of the best foreign a ruthless young gang leader. Tsotsi to his shack, cradling the baby in se- es into the home of a nursing mother heid present to prove a sharp point: fi lm Oscar, Tsotsi is a modern day look the most feral of his small pack of cret. In the days that follow, as Tsotsi named Miriam (Terry Pheto) and forces For many black South Africans, little at the violence, poverty and contrast of thugs; when the gang silently robs and struggles to hide his new charge from her to breast-feed the kidnapped infant has changed. Disenfranchised, both South Africa through the heartbreaking murders a man on a crowded Johan- prying neighbors, the police, and his at gunpoint. from Afrikaners and the black minority story of one citizen. nesburg subway train in the movie’s hard-case friends. Out of this gruesomely one-sided who found a successful place in their n Karen O’Connell

Absolutely Shite Failure to Launch 0/10

That ‘failure to launch’ has been they can remain blissfully ignorant for a the death of an ex makes things sooo Another thing, only relevant to blokes it’s just pathetic. top of the American box offi ce for few happy years. We’re adults, and real- much deeper. who are dragged along to this monstros- Us Irish, we drink when we go out with a number of weeks now is a sadder ity sucks, but not as much as this fi lm. So anyway, stud central likes living ity by their ball and chain, is that the fe- friends to have fun, she drinks alone refl ection of that country than their Only in the States would you believe with his mum and dad but dad wants to male lead, as far as eye candy goes, while her friends play paintball. That’s President. that Paula’s (Sarah Jessica Parker) job turn his room into his very own sanctu- looks a bit too much like a donkey for just not funny. Even the girliest of girls would have to could exist. ary of nakedness, so the obvious option, comfort. There’s also some ridiculous subplot admit that the ‘chick fl ick’ does for fi lm She, on being hired by the nominees they hire Paula. Now she never sleeps McConaughey is the bigger disap- about a mocking bird which keeps her what ‘mills and boons’ do for literature, for worlds most messed up parents, goes with clients, but for Tripp, she makes pointment however, because this guy awake at night. The nightmares this fi lm that’s sweet FA. Whatever, they don’t around making men fall in love with her an exception, just this once of course. has been in some quality fi lms, ‘A Time gave me is what keeps me awake. The have to admit anything, but it’s the truth. so that, rather than reveal to her their Shockingly, the two fall in love, have a bit to Kill’ being the most noteworthy ex- saddest thing is that while great fi lms The genre is, as a rule, degenerative, embarrassing little secret, they’ll move of a tiff, but miraculously are reconciled ample. Accepting roles of this sort won’t such as ‘Crash’ which recently picked mind numbing fi lth which robs viewers of out of their parental home. Oh boy! to eternal devotion and blah blah bloody do him any favours with good directors up the Oscar for best picture, are largely more brain cells than sniffi ng aerosols. Enter Tripp (Mathew McConaughey), God awful blah. when they’re casting for real movies. overlooked at the big screen, this will do Even exceptions to the rule, fi lms like this playa is a too cool for school, boat SJP found fame by telling the world Lets hope that when he sees the fi nished well on the back of the popularity of the ‘Ten things I hate about you’ or ‘How to salesman who still lives at home with his about her numerous sexual partners in article he realises that he’s let everyone ‘chick fl ick’ genre as it has done else- lose a guy in ten days’ are good not be- weird ass, sexually liberated parents. ‘Sex and the City’, and to be fair that down, not least his parents, and that it’s where already. cause the chick gets fl icked but because He, like everything else in this movie, show had its merits (good for a toss). a once of event. However, UCD students will not be they have some other quality, such as is about as deep as a paddling pool, However, it also had a shelf life, which The fi lms fl aws could fi ll this paper, fooled. This is excrement of the most wit or humour. A fi lm is never good just who ‘just wants to have fun’ with his has well and truly expired, so if she but another one that deserves particular potent variety and at this time of year, because it’s based in a wonderful world girlfriends, rather than risking self ex- would just get the boat, and crawl back mention is the portrayal of Kit (Zooey you’ll be happy to know, that there is where things work out exactly how you posure by actually forming a mean- into her little shallow pool of obscurity Deschanel), Paula’s roommate. As far something you’ll enjoy less than study- want them to. For the love of all that is ingful relationship with someone. The that would be great. Hannibal Lector as can be told, her alcoholism is intend- ing and ‘Failure to launch’ is it. brown, that’s the lies we tell children so fact that all this insecurity stems form wouldn’t eat her. ed to provide some humour but instead nBarra O’Fianail THE VOLUME XIX ISSUE VIX

N LY O URBINE L L Fashion show after party T I

It’s Satire, Stupid! T S

31p Page 9 INSIDE BONO GETS Gay Byrne arrested for giving WORLD FREEDOM one to everyone in Bono, lead-singer of rock group U2, United States of America shocked the world last night when to liberate all people from the audience he declared that he will cease all of oppression. And if Bono his humanitarian work, unless he is feels that he isn’t free in awarded “the freedom of the world”. the world, then it is our Cock eyed His shocking demands come in the moral obligation to free wake of the Lord Mayor of Dublin’s him from the world and circumciser gets decision to award the U2 man, the we intend to do that.” freedom of Dublin City. After the president’s the sack At a conference of world leaders in Ge- statement, Bono ex- neva, Bono declared, “I’m great”. He then pressed his delight went on to say, “Why should I be happy with regarding the turn of Joseph McCaul the freedom of Dublin? I think I should be events. “Well what can given the freedom of the world. Why would I I say, I’m fl abbergast- – My night of want to graze my sheep in Stephen’s Green? ed! I’m in the limelight passion with Gary I want to graze my sheep wherever I bloody again, which of course like. Because I’m great.” exactly what I wanted. Glitter President of the United States George Bush I don’t think people un- has expressed his surprise at Bono’s revela- derstand how important tions. “I’m not really too sure what he wants it is for me to be appreci- Harney promotes me to do here you know! The freedom of the ated you know, I just love world?? I think he’s fi nally lost it, sure there’s hearing the sound of my “A stitch in time no such thing! Technically we’re all free any- own voice. And it’s funny way. But having said that, Bono can be quite too you know, I was hav- saves nine” annoying at times because he puts me under ing a laugh the other day pressure to do things I don’t want to…not in the bar with the Edge, policy sexual now…just ordinary things like giving he bet me that there was Bono: He’s free to do whatever he wants money to the poor…so I think this could be no way I could wangle my big chance to make Bono like me.” more attention on myself, but now look at all the attention. He can’t even sing for fuck’s Skeleton orgy The president went on to say, “I intend to me! I can’t wait to rub his nose in this!” sake. Why are you people doing this!! Him launch…A WAR AGAINST THE WORLD!! The Turbine also managed to track down and those stupid glasses. You know the real on corrugated DannnDannnDAAAANNN!!!” When the Edge in order to get his view on the recent reason he wears those glasses? He’s trying to prompted on this staggering remark, Bush turn of events. He stated, “I hate him. I’m take the attention away from his un-naturally iron roof broken stated, “It is the moral responsibility of the sorry but I do. I’m sick to death of him taking large head. There. I said it.” up due to noise pollution WEIRDO BOD WORSHIPERS New survey reveals no T in ARE WEIRDO’S-THE POPE Concerns have been raised about a new cult ROC members all carry a lock of the Ireland centre’s China that has been growing in the Dublin suburbs hair in a golden locket. and may have grown national in recent Fears have been raised for the safety of weeks. model Glenda Gilsen, O’Driscoll’s girlfriend The “In BOD we trust, Brian O’Driscoll is a who is the sworn enemy of the group. Iraqi dies of legend and we all love him appreciation socie- Speaking from a bathroom cubicle Gilsen ty” has spread like wildfi re much to the dismay stated “Brian? Oh yeah Brian, yeah we’re to- natural causes of the Catholic Church, the National Parents tally going out and we’re like really in love.” Association and Brian Ormonde. The Catholic Church have come out very Ormonde, an RTÉ personality with no tal- strongly against the group. Pope Benedict, a ent, believes that the cult should reigned in as former member of the Hitler Youth, declared SPORT it has nothing to do with him. “following false idols is the stuff of heathens”. “I’m, like, so full of righteous indignation He also declared that they were all “weir- it’s not even funny” the shambolic swooner do’s”. ranted before going onto question why Brian O’Driscoll refused to discuss the group un- Steven Reid - I’m O’Driscoll was famous, “I mean, what’s he ever less he could drink Powerade during the inter- A depiction of BOD by one of his cult good enough to play done for society or for furthering humanity?” view. When it was explained to him that this Ormonde cites his experience of hosting The society, which has it’s origins in Black- was a print publication he looked confused for Man Utd vacuous children’s television as proof that he rock, is rumoured to be headed by Sky Sports and then ran away. should be revered. pundit and Englishman Stuart Barnes and its Stephen Gately refused to comment. College Tribune

22 REGULARS 05.04.06

D L

R THIS WEEK THE EXAMS O W You can’t open a national paper Your columnist, thank Christ, doesn’t mine that exams are a sprint and not say plans but without something jumping out have any exams. He fi nished with the a marathon. They’ll never be an ac- the conclusion hits R ’ S at you about Leaving Cert exam damn things years ago. He has a curate refl ection of your intelligence so after a while that there is U D on our way home stress, the right topics to pick and fond regard for them. The smell of the you need to optimise your time, get a no right technique, that trial and from the library, it took all the rest of it. Pages upon pages RDS, the horrible feeling at three am decent start and fi nish strongly. error is the best way and that no one our minds of things. It worked well. b dedicated to seven exams in June, when you realise you’ve still only pre- A wise man once told me to never can tell you how to do an exam except Another tactic, the old going outside hyping an already diffi cult period in pared two of your three topics and that read the questions and always panic. yourself. and kicking a ball around helped too. young people’s lives. sneaking suspicion that even though This advice, while seemingly perfect People are different. We’re told This is because exercise is the key The Leaving Cert, it seems, sells everyone you talk to seems to say, “Oh and awfully humorous, is unfortunately throughout our Leaving that if you lis- to good study. Fresh air relieves bore- newspapers and with this in mind, I’ve my god, I’m SO Screwed!!”, they’re re- deeply fl awed. ten to music while studying you’re not dom. Getting away from the books and decided to dedicate this Rud’s World ally not and that they’ve really been really concentrating and that it won’t doing something that preoccupies the to the topic of your end of year exams. spending their time in the library when You’re cutting come back to you. This is rubbish. mind for even ten minutes works won- It’s not to help you, the poor, stressed the rest of us were in the bar. Sure, some people can’t study while ders. out student who despite facing exams Generally, exam tip articles come it fine, but it’s listening to Push the Button on their I- The morning before one of my fi nals, that require more than just an abil- far too late. Largely they’re irrelevant very doable. It’s Pods, but others fi nd it a help, it fi lls the my fl atmate and I went out and threw ity to learn things off doesn’t have a and don’t relate to a student’s situa- silence and eases the boredom. a rugby ball about Merville at 6am. It 200 page pull out in the Irish Times tion. I’m sure this one’s no different and always been a Some people swear by fl ash cards, I worked wonders. While, this column to help you. No, no, its far more I hope that the witticisms and writing was always a fan of the old fashioned doesn’t claim that it’s found the key to strategic and self centred than that. fl air cover up the scant nature of the firm belief of A4. I never felt the need to put things acing exams is throwing a rugby ball There’s a corner of the market there to subject matter. mine that exams on smaller pieces of paper, I still don’t. about, it does aid and abet the exam be gotten into, and any self respecting For you poor unfortunates who’ve It doesn’t make sense to me. process. aspiring journalist must try his fi st at an been enjoying your College year, exam are a sprint and Lecturers can often have some of The onus is on you. You’re the one exam guide. preparation starts now. It’s not too late not a marathon the most bizarrely interesting advice. who takes responsibility, but exams So here we go, the three week break at this stage to get going and the fact One of mine had a regime that involved aren’t that hard if you don’t let them is over, there’s a stretch in the evening that you did less work than the Football several walks and glasses of brandy. be. Not having any, it’s easy for me to and you’re probably reading this in li- Association dipped in honey in the last I’m sure it worked for him, but certainly say but as long as you start now, don’t brary, coming from the library, on your three weeks matters not a jot. Throughout the past couple of years it wasn’t my cup of tea. coup yourself up permanently in the coffee break or on the bus home from You’re cutting it fi ne, but it’s very do- you’ll have had it rammed down your Some friends and myself made it a stuffy library and actually study, you’ll the library. able. It’s always been a fi rm belief of neck, the study techniques, the es- tradition to stop by the bar for a pint be grand.

BY EILEEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT... O’MALLEY

10 EVERYTHING

it should be include building a ‘conference hotel’ and public der life…something people don’t do enough, 10 JOB HUNTING plaza, among other things. Heaven forbid that aye? RIP-OFFS money be spent on education. Bring back the It is never fun. Ever. The lucky ones are gift 7 Socialists. JUNK E-MAILS wrapped a job in daddy’s fi rm – well done. 2 (Who’s bitter?) Whether it is a part-time job or They have become the bane of all our lives. MICHAEL a grown-up career you’re on the search for, it Forking out six squids for a sandwich is sick 4 MCDOWELL Do I look like I want to a bigger penis? (Ok may prove to be a monotonous and disheart- and wrong. Throw down your wallets and maybe I do.) Such random offers of Viagra or ening road to travel. The rejection can be hard refuse to give in. Nicely ask Mammy to make free porn always get through the junk detec- – though I hope you know you were too good for you a packed lunch and let the boycott begin. His complete failure to sort crime out aside, tors. If I wanted Viagra I’d go fi nd it, I don’t those capitalist pigs anyway. I’m sure we’ve all noticed the unbelievably de- the insanely whacky idea to create a volunteer need an email about it Mr. Internet-marketer police force is one step too far. Who has the to get me interested. LITTLE MISS NASTY IRISH time on their hands to be a Gardai for no sal- 9 6 ary? I’ll tell u who; crazies. The crazies versus KNOW IT ALLS WEATHER the psychopaths…sounds like its going to be CHUCK NORRIS a great little human experiment Mr. McDowell. 1 I say little ‘miss’ because they usually are. pressing rain that has cursed us for weeks. I There is nothing they don’t know, or don’t have love this island as much as the next leprechaun Bebo has brought to my attention a growing- an opinion on. Both of which is usually wrong, but at times like these I’d gladly give up my na- THE 17 BUS number of misguided boys who have found in patronizing and pointless all wrapped into one tion for warmer shores. 3 Chuck Norris somewhat of a hero fi gure. Let’s remind ourselves people that his fi rst name is PEOPLE WITH A CHIP THE CURRENT Also known as; ‘The Devil Bus or ‘God’s pun- Chuck, that he now sells Ab machines on in- ishment to students for being lazy ugly bums.’ fomercials aired on TV3 of all places and least 8 ON THEIR SHOULDER 5 STATE OF UCD It never fails to disappoint. Though years we forget that critical drama that was; Walker spent waiting for it has afforded me plenty of Texas Ranger. Now MacGyver, there was a Mr. Brady’s grand plans to revamp UCD now No the world is not conspiring against you. But ‘me time,’ left alone with my thoughts to pon- real man. College Tribune 05.04.06 REGULARS 23

BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

Dear Tribune, Dear Tribune,

I’ve been reading Bash magazine and I’m I noted with dismay that you seem to disgusted about the fact that I’m not in it. I’m publish a lot of problems laced with sexual a socialite with lots of hot friends and recently innuendo. I’ve been frequenting Bondi and 92, trying to I fi nd this completely unacceptable, get my face onto those glossy pictures, particularly the level of homophobia so However, the night’s I’ve been there, the prevalent in these pages. bloody photographer doesn’t show. I even went As a gay man myself I balieve you are as bad out to some nightclub in Blanchardstown and as the Mullah’s of Iran or the Catholic Bishops of to no avail, although some skanger put his hand Ireland in setting back equality and civil rights. up my skirt for a cheap thrill. I am asking you to desist in your stereotypes How will I ever be popular without getting my of gay men. We are not all nonces, just as not all face in Bash? Can you help? straight men are weight lifting bodybuilders. I’m sure you’re nerdy, geeky little fools who Dear Mitch Mandy, 2 BBLS. spend all day locked in a dark offi ce staring at You’re right we are sorry. you’re computer screens and guffawing at inter- If you’d like to meet up to air you’re concerns Dear Mandy, net chat rooms. Yours truly, we’d be happy to discuss the matter while you You are a spa In essence, open you’re minds. Mitch Butch cut out hair.

WARNING: LUNGING CAN BE DANGEROUS THE TRIBUNE GUIDE TO THE # 8:TOP 5 LIBRARY LUNGES

LUNGEtalk and gently slide her notes onto the ground. It’s a different time now. Lungers everywhere are having Don’t immediately bend down to pick them up. Pause for a to cut down their nightclubbing hours and hit the library in moment. Just as she bends over to pick them up, make your the pursuit of academic excellence. move. She will at this stage be a little fl ustered. Get your head Don’t let this be a hindrance, it’s always important to adapt as close to hers as possible. Apologise in slow and dulcid to new surroundings. Just because you’re surrounded by tones. books rather than disco lights doesn’t mean you can’t get Now’s your chance, look into her eyes and just lean in, game some action. Its’ never stopped Librocop so it shouldn’t ball. stop you. Due to the close proximity of your heads at the crucial mo- As always, The Lunge is here to aid and abet, to help ment make sure your breath is minty fresh. Stay away from and not hinder. We bring you an inspirational coup d’etat garlic/onions/ any food from the restaurant during lunchtime of an article. We throw the rule book out the window and to avoid embarrassment. teach you how to lunge in the library. Oh look at the time! All those hours in the library will That’s right, we bring you the Top Five innovative library leave you tired and in need of some invigoration. As the days lunges. get on and the essay-swapping race begins you’ll begin to make friends with girls from your class you never knew existed. The Over the Shoulder You’re standing behind a lovely Pick one you fi nd particularly decent and looks a bit gamey. lady, she is struggling with her work. You point out something you Engage in a bit of harmless fl irting. Note, this lunge is probably can help her with. Be sure to graze your stubble on her shoulder, best executed over a couple of days, after all you want to lull tilt and lean. her into a false sense of security. The Photocopier It’s simple, you see a hottie is next in line for the On around the third or fourth day step the fl irting up a notch. photocopier. You leave your card in the machine. As soon as she’s reached Wait til late in the evening, say “its getting late isn’t it ?” let out the machine turn around and put your hand to her’s as she reaches to put an almighty yawn and strike. Yawning is after all contagious, her card in the slot. The electricity will spark a reaction with the lovely lady so her mouth will be open. Bobs your uncle. and you make your move with the traditional lunge. The aisle squeeze It’s tight between those lines of books, The Drop of the Notes - Walk up to a good looking girl and surrepti- not much space. Squeeze past your target and stop. Pretend tiously knock her notes onto the ground. Be stealthy. Don’t use a broad to spot a book and lean across her, tongue coiled, ready for sweeping motion. Perhaps rest your hand on her table, make a little small action. College Tribune 24 SPORT 05.04.06 DOWN THE LINE Honest men humble Galacticos

The hard-working, honest man is being left behind in sport, for those who are preceded by a reputation and the ability to make money, writes Colin Gleeson

As the rain cascades down on land’s Premier League it will under- the tiled roof, the resulting din is mine the basic principles of sport. deafening. The wind is howling It will raise few eyebrows if Sham- as it swirls around while the bite rock Rovers are playing in the coun- in the air is sharp. Those inside try’s top-fl ight again next season, the dressing room are grimacing despite the fact that there is no rele- as they tie up the laces on their gation/promotion in this year’s league boots. season. The FAI was always likely to As they step onto the grass out- fi nd some way to accommodate the side, they struggle to hold their foot- country’s most successful and his- ing as the grass underneath begins to toric club. And of course it will be the come unstuck. The rain and the wind little guy who loses out. Life is cruel tears through them. The only man in that way. tracksuit bottoms begins to bellow at It seems that football nowadays is them. Laps of the pitch before the more concerned with the reputations warm-up. of clubs and players rather than the It’s a grueling ascent to the sum- quality of what happens on the pitch. mit of a professional sport. Always And this is a tragic turn of events. training. Always struggling through This is a trend that can be seen the snow. Visibility hindered. But right across the spectrum of world such is life. In the past at least, the football. rewards were there for those who put As the Galactico-era of Real Madrid the work in. draws to a close with the departure of But it would seem that times are club President Florentino Perez, the Galacticos: In happier times before their reputations superseded their ability on the pitch changing. As they inevitably do per- people of Madrid will be hoping that haps. More and more these days, an the days of a Real Madrid team sheet, picked because they sell shirts and a result of the weaknesses of men in Shaun Wright-Phillips had earned the already unfair world is becoming en- assembled at a cost of €350 million because of the reputations that pre- positions of power. Sven Goran Eriks- right to be given a chance in the na- gulfed in a climate that is hazardous and failing to win a trophy for three cede them, rather than what the son was widely criticized for his fail- tional side after a string of impressive for the honest man. years, will be coming to an end. formbook consists of. The sadden- ure to drop the likes of Michael Owen performances for Manchester City. The recent revelations regarding It is a club that has hired and ing situation that football fi nds itself in and David Beckham during periods of The problem is leading to rising the revamp of the eircom League and fi red coaches and sporting directors is being compounded by a club who stagnation for the pair. prices in the transfer market also. Pete Mahon’s comments regarding through a constantly revolving door. It once claimed that Ronaldinho was Certainly in the case of Beckham, Players are becoming over-priced his doubts about the future of UCD’s has a line up of stars without cohesion “too ugly” to play for them. many would argue that he was played and already infl ated egos are be- participation in the competition is just and seemingly no collective desire to The irony of Madrid’s decision- in the England team as a result of his coming more and more extreme. An the latest example of the ordinary, earn their position every week. making lies in the fact that it became reputation rather than his ability on the example of this is Gianluigi Buffon hard-working man, losing his place Ridiculously, players have been their undoing. Once a major force park, especially during periods where costing Juventus a staggering E48 in the sporting arena. in world football and indeed univer- million. Intriguing when you look at Mahon spoke about the way he Mahon spoke about sally respected and recognized as The saddening the fact that Shay Given, a world- was raised. About working hard and the way he was raised, such, the club decided to sell Claude situation that class goalkeeper, cost Newcastle a performing on the pitch. About the working hard and Makelele in order to make way for football finds itself in paltry €1-5 million. things that are supposed to matter. more of Perez’s Galacticos. It turned It is crucial that the atmosphere that But it seems that times are indeed performing on the out to be the worst transfer decision is being compounded has emerged is not allowed to fester changing. pitch. About the things in the club’s recent history, as the by a club who in the heart of what sport is all about. John Delaney is to introduce a new that are supposed to club has yet to win a trophy since the once claimed that Pete Mahon and all followers of Real eircom League under the cloak of the matter. But it seems Frenchman’s departure. Ronaldinho was “too Madrid will be hoping that reputation Genesis report. If it materialises that that times are indeed While the problem stems from the ugly” to play for is put to one side, and performances he is to hand pick the teams who he changing crusade of one man in the case of them on the pitch are put in the driving believes are big enough to play in Ire- Madrid, it generally comes about as seat. College Tribune 05.04.06 SPORT 25 Croke “happy” with mid-table mediocrity

After what has been a reasonably successful season for UCD’s rugby team in the AIB League, Richard McElwee speaks to captain Kevin Croke about the past year

As the end of a season where “I think that overall we are sitting College look set to fi nish mid-table in the right position in accordance in the AIB League approaches, a with our performances, yet I don’t place where they would have been think that we have fully played to our expected to reside from day one, potential on a regular basis. Early UCD captain and recent repre- season wins are hugely important in sentative in the club international a successful season. However, last against Scotland, Kevin Croke, year we were unbeaten at Christmas remains positive as regards the but still ended up 6th. I do think that past year in the top fl ight. we should have picked up more wins “It has been a good season, we away from home. There was only one may have lost a couple of games that match where perhaps we didn’t de- we should have won but we’ve also serve to win; otherwise we could’ve managed to win others without play- emerged from those games as wor- ing our best rugby. Initially our mini- thy winners.” mum expectations would have been The pattern that emerged through- to ensure our place in the division for out the season for College saw the another year, but once that had been team struggle away from home. achieved then we would have set an Throughout the past six months, eye on getting into the playoffs. UCD have failed to pick up more “By right all teams would aim to be than just one win outside the realms in the top four of the division, we are of the Belfi eld Bowl. On the other no different. We would feel that we hand, home form has been impres- are a strong enough side to be com- sive, with Carlow, DCU, Galwegians, peting with and also beating the top Dungannon and Buccaneers all fail- sides in the league, so therefore a top ing to pick up points from respective four slot would always be a goal.” trips to the Bowl. Despite a decisive victory over Car- Indeed the current state of the low on the opening day of the season, game in UCD is far from dwindling. College subsequently succumbed to With this impressive home form, cou- three straight defeats at the hands of pled with the strong infl ux of under- Heave: UCD apply the pressure in a mediocre season that lacked that fi nal drive Lansdowne, Belfast Harlequins and age talent currently coming through St.Mary’s College respectively; three the ranks of the club, expectations the league semi-fi nals on May 6th, want to come away from those with sides deemed as potential scalps. are high ahead of the 2006/2007 I don’t think that UCD will most certainly be bereft two wins from two and be happy with One might suggest that this perhaps season, which may yet prove to be we have fully played of a gentle climax before the sum- whatever position that may leave us rocked the college outfi t and dropped a more than fruitful campaign. to our potential on mer break affords rest to the boys in in. It has been an enjoyable cam- them into the doldrums of the league With two games remaining against a regular basis blue. “We’ve got Shannon at home paign, personally a bit up and down relatively quickly. two sides in pole position to reach and Garryowen away, but we would but I’m happy with it.” COMPILED BY COLIN GLEESON SPORT IN BRIEF. Gaelic Games: Foley selected to the all-star team with she smashed the national record with Byrne, who drove home from all of 35 Club International Irish 22 man squad UCD ladies captured the O’Connor Kevin Foley winning the most valuable a time of 7.84secs. yards before being booked for tak- was announced at a media conference Cup for the fi fth time in six years as player of the tournament. ing his shirt off in celebration. It was in Dublin. Both Stephen Grissing and they overcame a resurgent Sligo I.T. The trio were highly infl uential Soccer: Byrne’s fi fth goal in 426 minutes of UCD club captain, Kevin Croke have side by 1-9 to 1-3 in the fi nal of the throughout the course of the week- UCD crashed out of the league cup senior football for UCD. been named for the clash against a O’Connor Cup the weekend before end, but it was a total team effort that in dramatic circumstances last Monday UCD were cruising towards the next Scottish side on Friday 10th March in last at Dundalk I.T. brought the basketball varsity champi- week as Dundalk successfully claimed round as Conor Sammon struck with Donnybrook. Ladies football has continued to onship back to UCD. their fi rst scalp of the competition at a his fi rst goal for UCD fi ve minutes from There was one particular inter-pro- move from strength to strength in UCD wet and windy Oriel Park. time. Dundalk responded by throwing vincial fi xture that took place, in which as a result of the work from a strong Athletics: The students fi nished as runners- everything at the students with four UCD was heavily represented. College management team, many of whom UCD Graduate and former Sport up in the cup last season after being strikers leading from the front. had no less than eight players on the were involved as players in the team Scholarship student, Derval O’Rourke defeated by Derry City at Belfi eld Park. It was a former Belfi eld Park stal- Leinster Academy squad who played who won the cup six years ago. The made history in recent weeks as she In a similar vein to their defeat of Shel- wart in the shape of Philip Hughes a Welsh-touring side in Stradbrook on management for the 2005/2006 squad became the fi rst Irish female sprinter bourne in the semi-fi nals last year, the who pegged College back as the tie the Saturday afternoon. were Billy Sheehan, Lorraine Muckian to become world champion by claim- boys in blue were slain by two injury drew to a close and the night looked and Treacy Lawlor. ing gold at the World Indoor Athletics time goals. set for extra-time. But just as at Tolka Boxing: Marie O’Connell captained the team championships. As expected, UCD rested several Park last September, there was to be For the second successive year, and Aisling Doolan won the “Player of The UCD graduate qualifi ed safely fi rst team players as David Last and a fi nal sting in the tale. Paul Marney the UCD amateur boxing club has the Tournament” award. from her heat in 7.93secs. Continuing Mark Clohessey made their debuts. grabbed the winner to seal Dundalk’s dominated the Irish Universities Sen- her signifi cant progression this sea- Gary Dicker and Alan McNally returned second victory over UCD in the last ior Boxing Championships. The boys Basketball: son, Derval eased through to the fi nal after missing the win in Waterford due ten years. in blue claimed three Irish Senior Titles The UCD’s men’s basketball team as the fastest qualifi er in a national to injury. There were also appearances and were represented in six fi nals. was triumphant in the 54th intervarsity record of 7.87secs. In the fi nal, the for Aaron McEniff, Ronan Finn, Derek Rugby: It was Peter Taylor who claimed the tournament at the University of Limer- UCD graduate lined up in lane three, Doyle and Kieran Harte. The future of UCD rugby has bright- fi rst of College’s Senior Titles, before ick last weekend. between Spain’s Glorie Alozie and Su- The home side took the lead shortly ened in recent weeks, as a record being followed shortly after by Nicolas The team, which consisted of a fi f- sanna Kallur of Sweden. before the break through Niall Hudson, number of UCD players were selected O’Brien and Joe Norton respectively. teen-man panel, won all seven games Showing great maturity, the 24 year but UCD gained the advantage in the to various representative sides both at The other three fi nalists were Kevin over the weekend. UCD also had Ed- old Cork woman led from the very be- second half and equalized through a interprovincial and international level. O’Hagan, Stuart Alexander and Colm die Crudden, Chris Doyal and Kevin ginning and came home in style as superb goal on 75 minutes from Paul On Tuesday 28th February, the AIB Deeney. College Tribune 26 SPORT 05.04.06 No leeway for Leesiders

A superb display from Darren BELFIELD PARK Quigley in the UCD goalmouth was enough to dislodge league champi- UCD 0 ons Cork City from the top of the eircom League table last Friday CORK CITY 0 night, and clinch a point for the students at Belfi eld Park. COLIN GLEESON In the wake of a somewhat shaky start to the season, College went into After the game, Richardson conced- the game as under-dogs with the infl u- ed that perhaps his team were found ential Gary Dicker on the bench due to wanting at times in this department. “In a knock he picked up during his side’s the fi rst half, it left a little bit to be de- 1-0 defeat to St. Patrick’s Athletic a sired I have to say because there’s no fortnight ago. atmosphere here and with the fatigue Squaring up to a team that is still as well, it becomes not just a physical Free Kick: UCD prepare to launch another long ball in a game that saw little invention from either side unbeaten in all competitions after ten fatigue but also a sort of mental ma- games, a lack of penetration up front laise because it’s so hard to generate southerners’ game plan from the early Rebel onslaught. It was Pat McWal- Damian Richardson spoke about the always looked likely to prove a stum- an atmosphere. stages. The quality of Cork’s passing ter on the left wing who instigated the infl uence of O’Callaghan in particular. bling block to the boys in blue hopes “So once we got back in the dressing meant that the UCD side were working more signifi cant chances that came “I think we defi nitely missed him. This of registering their fi rst home points of room at half-time, we worked at creat- overtime from the off, as they attempt- their way. sort of game was made for George, the season. ing our own atmosphere and then the ed to gain a foothold in the game. The Leesiders looked uncomfortable when you’ve got a crowd in the middle In contrast, Cork made the journey second half performance was much The fi rst real opening came courtesy in dealing with the high ball at times of the park, George can go past two north having already scored thirteen more Cork City. I know we still didn’t of Cork’s playmaker on the night, Roy and some hesitant defending allowed or three people and create something goals in all competitions and having score, but we were much better, we O’Donovan. The winger skipped past the students in for the odd glimmer of a out of nothing, that’s his great talent, yet to concede a goal in the Premier were business-like, we moved the ball central defender Conor Kenna after chance, but the fi nal piece of the jigsaw his great gift. division. quickly, we created opportunities to fourteen minutes and whipped a cross seemed ever elusive. “But having said that, I wasn’t disap- Cork City manager Damien Richard- create chances which we didn’t maybe towards Billy Woods, before defender Cork City traveled to Belfi eld Park pointed with the midfi eld play, I thought son spoke before the game about the utilize enough, and then when we did Alan Mahon made the vital intercep- in the absence of centre half Alan we played very well. It’s just that maybe importance of his team’s attitude going create chances we didn’t take advan- tion. Bennett and last season’s FAI eircom from wide, I’m a little bit disappointed into the game. “I don’t believe in bogey tage of them.” College’s chances were few and far League Player Of The Year George we didn’t get better quality balls into the teams or anything of that nature. The The home side successfully consoli- between and the home side seemed O’Callaghan. It was clear as the game box, and more of them.” only problem you can have in that sort dated their impressive record against content to play route one, counter at- wore on that the visitors were missing As the game wore on, it seemed of way is if your attitude isn’t correct.” the leesiders as they frustrated the tacking football as they soaked up the the infl uence of the duo. that UCD were clinging on to some College Tribune 05.04.06 SPORT 27

extent and the traveling Cork support Mahon was optimistic after the fi nal were brought to their feet as striker John whistle with a result that sees his side O’Flynn was introduced with fi fteen min- climb to seventh position and to the Bigger stage beckons utes to go. top of the second tier of the eir9com The former Ireland Under-21s star League table, a position he hopes to scored a hat trick in Cork’s demolition consolidate during the coming season. for Quigley of UCD in the corresponding fi xture last “I’m very pleased. We’ve had two good season, but was unable to shake the performances now, although it was well COLIN GLEESON foundations of a resolute College de- due after the abysmal shambles we had fense on this occasion. against Pat’s two weeks ago here. UCD’s star goalkeeper Darren Quigley has drawn the gaze This was another game in which the “We’ve got back to something like our of both Steve Staunton and Alan Kelly in recent weeks. boys in blue failed to score however, own selves the last couple of games, The young goalkeeper has repaid the faith shown in him and UCD manager Pete Mahon has against Waterford last week and now by manager Pete Mahon with a string of man of the match made no secret of his desire to bring a tonight against Cork, who are an ex- performances, including an outstanding display against league proven goal-scorer to Belfi eld Park. He cellent side. But now we’ve got to con- champions Cork City last Friday night, since his arrival two was forced to start with two young guns centrate on a very big game we have seasons ago at the age of seventeen. up front last Friday, as Paul Byrne, who here next week against Bray, a real The UCD man has become a regular feature in Don Givens’ was recalled following his goal against six-pointer.” U-21’s side and has recently stated that he feels he is in with a

Dundalk last week, partnered Connor P GD Pts signifi cant chance of making the leap to the senior team as a Sammon. result of Steve Staunton’s appointment to the post of national Drogheda Utd 4310 “It is a big concern but we knew that manager. “Steve Staunton is really taking an interest in the Cork City 428 Darren Quigley: Aiming across the water before the season started and we did try underage players and you feel that you have a chance. Derry City 336 to address the situation in the off-sea- “He came out to Madeira to watch the U-21s in the tourna- but I’m not worried about that, I’m just concentrating on doing son but it’s very diffi cult to get players St. Pat’s Athletic 416ment that we won, and I have had chats with both Staunton well for UCD and getting points on the board. My contract is up to come here. You know some players Sligo Rovers 4-15and Alan Kelly. I even got to train with Alan Kelly and Shay at the end of the season so we’ll see what happens then, but have a sort of a stigma about here and Dublin City 4-14Given before the Sweden game, that was a brilliant experi- I would love to go to England if the offer was right”. plus the fact too that we wouldn’t be of- UCD 4-24ence and I learned so much. Hopefully I can keep progressing UCD manager Pete Mahon spoke after his side’s draw with fering them the money that some of the Shelbourne 303with UCD”. league champions Cork City and admitted after that the stu-

other clubs are. But in fairness to our Longford Town 303 The Dubliner has also stated that he harbours aspirations to dents would miss the young Dubliner should he be tempted

two lads up front, they won’t be playing Bohemians 4-13one day follow in the footsteps of Kevin Doyle and complete a away from Belfi eld. “Well I’m not surprised there are scouts against a back four like Cork’s again.” dream move to England. “My fi rst go at it in England (with Man- on to him. Anyone who saw him here tonight, his handling Bray Wanderers 3-12 The game fi nished with chances for chester City) didn’t work out and I would love another chance was impeccable.” Waterford Utd 4-32 both sides, the most notable of which and maybe UCD could be the stage for me to do that.” Mahon was also adamant however that “Darren Quigley is produced a remarkable save from Qui- It has been reported that Quigley has drawn interest from under contract here until the end of the season and he’s still UCD - Quigley, Mahon (Matthews 88), Ryan, gley after a powerful Dan Murray header a number of cross-channel scouts after clocking up fi fty con- a young lad, learning and getting the best of tuition here from Kenna, McNally, Hurley (Dicker 57), Cawley, from a cross that was swung into the secutive league appearances for Mahon’s side. “You look at Eddie Wallace. He’s after coming on leaps and bounds, I mean C Byrne, McWalter, P Byrne (Doyle 75), danger zone from the right by Neal Hor- what Kevin Doyle has done since leaving Cork City and you you must remember he’s still only twenty so he’s in pole posi- Sammon gan. College’s chance to snatch victory know that things can happen for you if you’re good enough tion now with the Under 21 team as well. Alan O’Neill (Ireland came from a one-on-one with Devine for Cork City – Devine, Horgan, Murray, Lordan, and you work hard. U21s Goalkeeper Coach) was watching him here tonight and McWalter, which the keeper ultimately Murphy, O’Donavan, Gamble, O’Brien, Woods, “I have heard whispers about scouts watching the games he had to be impressed.” snuffed out. Beehan (O’Flynn 75), Fenn

College suffer Leinster Cup hangover

A heavy away loss to Alexandra MILLTOWN When Alex’s second goal came just well up in the league as well which is College last Saturday afternoon did after half time from the stick of Gillian also nice”. little to spoil what was a wonderful OLD ALEXANDRA 3 O’Shea, the Milltown outfi t could look P GD Pts season for the UCD Ladies Hockey forward to their pints in the local Drop- Loreto 17 23 39 team who won heir fi rst Senior Cup in UCD 0 ping Well with greater ease. Amidst a Hermes 15 26 38 50 years. deluge of rain, O’Shea latched on to a Pembroke Wanderers 17 19 33 In a game that noticeably lacked a real Alex captain’s attempt looked to be higher great pass from Ann Marie Cullen to rifl e COLIN BREHENY Old Alexandra 16 24 31 competitive edge, the home side’s more than the allowed eighteen inches when it the ball to the net. And on the cusp of Railway Union 15 22 31 clinical manner in front of goal proved the I have really enjoyed my stint in charge. beat Pamela Smithwick in the UCD goal, full time, Jan Perrin added a third goal UCD 13 7 22 difference in the end. The commitment is a lot though and we but the goal was allowed to stand despite to wrap up proceedings. Corinthian 17 -13 11 After the game, Coach Tom O’Donaghue all still have the day jobs to think about. protests. Coach Tom O’Donaghue concluded announced his resignation from his posi- The family have to come fi rst too and I’m UCD were outnumbered by four to that he was not too disappointed with the Three Rock 17 -27 10 tion after two years at the helm. Speaking looking forward to spending more time three across midfi eld and their formation result and felt that there was still plenty to Dublin University 17 -43 7 after the game, an emotional O’Donaghue with them”. made it very hard to feed a good quality of come from the girls in the future, “I don’t Clontarf 16 -38 5 paid tribute to the entire panel and back- In a game that was to have little bearing ball up to Fiona Braddish, Roisin Flinn and think the fi nal result gives a fair refl ection room staff but felt that the time was now on the league table either way, Alexandra Eimear Horan in the danger area. This, of the game as a whole. They took their UCD: P Smithwick; H Jenkinson, F Flinn, right to move on. College struck fi rst blood on the half hour combined with their reluctance to hold on chances, we did not. We have the Senior N Herlihy, S Gleeson; J Burke (capt), C Quinlan, A Keating; F Braddish, R Flinn, E “I was very lucky to be over such a tal- mark when Anya Bowers scored a highly to the ball and attack the opposition, was Cup in our possession which is the most Horan. Subs., E Balbirnie, L Jacob. ented and motivated bunch of girls and dubious goal from a penalty corner. The probably to be their downfall in the end. important thing. And we have fi nished SPORT THE LOSS OF HONOUR MID-TABLE SUCCESS DOWN THE LINE PAGE 24 AIL REVIEW PAGE 38 FAI to give UCD the boot

The FAI are preparing to implement BEN BLAKE a rapid restructuring of the eircom League, which could see UCD Lansdowne Road while the game will kicked out of the top-fl ight as early also be shown on national television. as 2007. They are run and publicised profes- UCD manager Pete Mahon has at- sionally. The FAI would want to take a tacked the new plans. “It will be cloak leaf from their book, because they are and dagger stuff, whatever way it goes. only codding themselves.” Television I recently spoke with the Chief Execu- coverage of the eircom League is lim- tive of an eircom League club, who told ited to an hour slot every Monday night me he had been contacted by another as well as the odd league or Setanta club. It was suggested to him that if it Cup game. was to come down to a vote on who “Getting back to our situation, we are would stay in the Premier Division, very vulnerable. We are going to have UCD wouldn’t get the vote.” to fi nish so high up in the league to pre- Mahon’s revelation that a degree of vent them sending us down.” Whether collusion between clubs is taking place or not a top-half fi nish in this season’s Report, which issued a plan of action in structural, fi nancial, club licensing, geo- have been touted as a “big club” who leaves College with little chance of suc- campaign would be enough to secure 2002 with several suggestions aimed at graphical and historical attendance fi g- are probable to receive an invite. The ceeding in his view. “It’s all about poli- a spot remains unclear, which is some- aiding the organization’s goal of fulfi ll- ures. Those complying with the criteria most successful club in Irish history, tics today, not football. I was brought thing that Mahon is furious about. ing its full potential. Among them was will then be invited to a Premier Divi- Rovers dominated the league and cups up to believe that it is about what you He is determined to do what he feels the merging of the FAI and the Repub- sion. Speaking recently, John Delaney throughout the last century. But that is do on the pitch, not in boardrooms or is best for the club, and if necessary, he lic’s premier divisions, including the was giving little away. in the past. Now plying their trade in offi ces that counts.” will fi ght his corner. “I’ve heard Dublin eircom League. “I think when we map out the criteria; the First Division, the Hoops presently Obviously discomforted by the ac- City may take the case to UEFA and the In January, a proposal was released the clubs will understand what I mean. remain homeless as the dispute over a tions of those at the top, namely the courts. If push comes to shove, UCD on the setting up of a new national The FAI will ask for a number of clubs to move to Tallaght rumbles on. Association, Mahon had harsh words may be pursuing that path. I’ll tell you league. In order to combat the continu- be in a FAI Premier League or whatever Just last week, six local GAA clubs for the FAI and their Chief Executive. one thing, we won’t be found wanting ous rotting of the second tier, namely the terminology may be.” began a protest to push for the pitch to “The FAI would want to get the fi nger when it comes to legal power.” the First Division, and make the two As the FAI appear to be playing their be built to accommodate Gaelic foot- out, because they are being left behind. FAI Chief Executive, John Delaney, fi nancially successful, the league for- cards close to their chest for the time ball and hurling. An inclusion in the new They can list off statistics, that so and however, is adamant UEFA clearance mat was to be altered. To the surprise being at least, there is much confusion national league’s top fl ight would surely so numbers of children are participating is not needed for the go-ahead. “I don’t of many, the new structure would be as to what exactly is going to happen. spark outrage in clubs such as UCD in the sport, but in reality, we (football) think so. What happens here is that the in place for the start of the 2007 cam- The issue is certainly not as black and and Dublin City, who look like losing are playing catch-up to Rugby and eircom League is winding up as an en- paign. white as Delaney puts it, and many out. While their fan-base may meas- GAA. tity and the FAI is taking the step of Details of the move are at this point people are insisting that questions ure as relatively low in comparison to “Take this weekend and Mun- asking clubs to be in an FAI Premier unclear. What is known however is that should have been answered before others, UCD possess their own home ster (rugby) for instance. This is one League.” the current 22 eircom League clubs will the beginning of this season. ground, and unlike Rovers the two look province. Their fans will easily fi ll The scheme is part of the Genesis be assessed under headings such as For example, Shamrock Rovers to be in fi nancial stability.

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