ISSUE 10 / VOLUME 19 20.04.06 60% VOTE YES FOR A

WHITE ELEPHANT SEE PAGE 3 College Tribune 2 THIS WEEK 20.04.06 20.04.06 1 TRIBOKU 2 NO. 24 / EASY NO. 25 / EASY 3 2791 5198 142 3267 38 6 5 954261 346 3 NEWS 64 51 60% of less than 10% of want a White Elephant they know nothing about. We 675123 38 9 have a look at the College Budget. All the 465 18 29 election results plus the truth about the abortion schism in the Union. 87 2 10 FEATURES 6139 935 We have two pages NO. 26 / MEDIUM NO. 27 / MEDIUM of pretty pictures which encapsulate 253682 4 9 the year rather 75 6 nicely. We also have a UCD Ball Preview 43621 69 4 and an analysis 5 16 of UCD staff and students during the 5 79263 4 39 71 1916 Rising 3 52 16 DISTRACTIONS 52897 639 We shoot the breeze with 8Ball, go and see the Shout out Louds, Have a look at 213 fi lm sequels, advise you how to stay safe 624 37 64 on your holidays and still had time to take pictures of some dashing men. NO. 28 / HARD NO. 29 / HARD 24 SPORT 1928315 Pete Mahon lets loose 258 4 36 about ptoential plans 32 17 6 2 to kick UCD out of the eircom league after 76 618 his side were robbed 73 12 in Drogheda. Plus we preview the much 94 74 8 anticipated Munster 53 51 89 Leinster clash. 7542 93 REGULARS 514 6 89 5 Editor Features Editors Contributors: 8 FAUSTUS Eoin Mac Aodha Alan Tully Ben Blake, Alexa Byrne, , Eileen O’Malley Caitrina Cody, Fionn Dempsey, 9 EDITORIAL & Design Editor Dan Finn, Leanne Hughes, Simon Ward Health & Fashion Editor Sinead Gifford, Laura Greene, LETTERS Box 74, Caitríona Gaffney Brenda O’Grady, Megan Student’s Centre, Chief Sub Editor O’Grady, Roisin Jones, David Hammill, Fiona Hedderman, 11 UCD BALL University College Rúaidhrí O’Connor Music Editor Ronan Dempsey Kingsley Kelly, Jonathon Dublin. Kilbane, David McLoughlin, 16 FASHION Sports Editor Roe McDermott, Deirdre Belfi eld, Colin Gleeson Film Editor Dublin 4. McGuire, Roz Lipsett, Dermot 21 THE TURBINE Karen O’Connell Looney, Kevin Murphy, Sinead News Editor Monaghan, Richard McElwee, Photography Editor htribune@campus. Jack Cane Elizabeth-Ann Kirwin, PJ 22 RUD’S WORLD Aisling O’Leary Mullen, Brian Niland, Barra ie Chief Newswriter O’Fianail, James Redmond, 10 THINGS... Owen Priestley Distractions Editor Harry Smyth, Alex Tierney, Telephone: Barry Bowen Gordin Tobin, Mark Walsh, John Walsh 23 THE LUNGE (01) 716 8501 DEAR TRIBUNE Special Thanks To: Online: Stephen & Gary @ Spectator Newspapers, rock Market, 911, Dundrum, Anto Kelly. And to 24 DOWN THE LINE www.ucd.ie/tribune Eilis O’Brien@ UCD Communications Offi ce, everyone who supported the paper throughout Rud, Dan, Ross and Dave for their Gaf, Black- the year. You Know It. College Tribune 20.04.06 NEWS 3 Result unclear on new Student Centre

60% of students have voted in CAITRIONA GAFFNEY their AGM because Arts Services didn’t favour of the proposed new student want to host the event for the sake of it. centre. on all offi cers of the Union indefi nitely. There were rooms available but Serv- Despite this, it is not yet clear wheth- Otherwise it is just a once-off plebiscite, ices wouldn’t let them have a room.” er the referendum has been offi cially which measures the views of the mem- According to O’Neill it is the smaller passed as nobody knows if the required bers on a particular date.” societies that are suffering and the new amount of students turned up to vote. Karen O’Connell, 2nd Arts, set up a student centre would help sustain and According to the Students’ Union con- ‘No’ Campaign opposing the changes to promote them. stitution a referendum like this would the Constitution. “I felt so strongly over “Dance Soc were forced to close this need a 10% turnout in order for a quo- the fact that there was no consultation year because they had no venue to hold rum to be reached. with students, which is why I made the dance classes or rehearsals. They were 2,700 voters went to the polls. 1,204 effort to give a voice to those who weren’t prohibited from using the Sports Centre students voted in favour of the new Stu- in favour of the new Student Centre.” because they were not a sports club, dent Centre while 793 voted against “Considering this new Student Centre and only clubs are allowed use the facili- amending the constitution to accommo- will be fi nanced by students they should ties in the Sports Centre.” date the proposed new Student Centre. have a lot more say in how their money “The smaller societies are suffering A total 80 votes were spoiled. is being spent.” and there has been an increase in simi- EDITORIAL According to Returning Offi cer, Mor- The ‘No’ side urged students, “If you lar situations, this is why we feel that a gan Shelley, “To be a valid policy refer- don’t know, vote no.” A slogan which new student centre is necessary. endum, 10% of the membership of the proved successful in the Arts block, 9> “There are less and less facilities and Union must have voted. where the ‘No’ side won by a clear ma- White Elephant? 60% vote yes for the new Student Centre rooms available. This will only get worse “Over the next week I will be fi nding jority. as the student population of UCD rises. out exactly how many members the “No decision has been made as of yet Dominic O’ Keeffe, manager of the the new Student Centre.” With more evening classes, there will be Union has. If there are 20,770 mem- because Morgan Shelley has to estab- student centre project approached “Reaching quorum is important in fewer rooms available at night time for bers or less, then the referendum will be lish whether or not the quota for turnout O’Neill and asked him to get a campaign terms of Union policy, but I’m quite con- smaller societies to hold social events in quorate.” was reached, but I’m happy with how team together to promote the new stu- fi dent that quorum will be established in the academic buildings In accordance with the SU consti- the ‘No’ Campaign went.” dent centre. favour of the ‘Yes’ vote.” “The new Student Centre will be run tution, the membership is calculated “The ‘No’ side got lots of support O’Neill enlisted the help of the audi- According to O’Neill, “There is a grow- for students by students and this was mostly by reference to the number of and I’m really grateful to everyone who tors of the University’s two largest socie- ing need for extra space and facilities to part of the conditions of my backing the students currently registered with the voted and helped with the campaign.” ties, Simon Wilson of the C&E and Ross accommodate the student societies and ‘Yes’ Campaign. Student control was an University who are studying for degrees O’Connell continued. Maguire of the L&H. clubs in UCD.” absolute condition.” and postgraduate diplomas recognised The ‘Yes’ Campaign in favour of the Speaking to the College Tribune, O’Neill cited examples of the Arts The referendum was necessary to al- by the NUI. new Student Centre was headed by O’Neill revealed that he was very happy Services not facilitating student activi- ter the Student Union Constitution due “The value of being quorate is that Gregg O’Neill, chair of the Societies with a result that showed that 60% of ties, to the increase of the Student levy which the referendum policy would be binding Council. students that voted did so in favour of “The Jazz Soc were not able to hold will pay for the new Student Centre. College Tribune 4 NEWS 20.04.06 Inhumane funding for Humanities n Humanities come last in College funding Sources of Income 05/06

EOIN MAC AODHA Total Income: € 394m When it comes to College funding Humanities students fare consider- ably worse than their counterparts with the College of Arts and Celtic and the College of Human Sciences receiving just 13% of total funding. According to the 05/06 Budget seen by the College Tribune, the majority of funding went to practical subjects with the College of Life Sciences and the College of Engineering, Maths and Physical Sciences combining to receive 13% of the total College budget was allocated to Humanities 37% of all college funding. The money allocated to Business With the other practically minded ences superseded all the other Col- and Law also felt short with just 6% College, the College of Engineering lege’s, despite the fact that they have going to the future lawyers and busi- Maths and Physical Sciences bringing less students. nessmen of the country. in 25% of total research funding, at just Together, the two Science based UCD received 61% of their fund- over €17million. Colleges received 35% of all govern- ing from the government, amounting Once again the humanities failed to ment allocated funding or €88 million. to €241million. Total college income bring in the cash with the College of The College of Business and Legal came to €394million with Research Arts and Celtic studies getting a mea- and the College of Human Sciences income, Non-residential companies, gre 1% of total research funding while received a combined total of 21% or conference and commercial activities, their counterparts in the College of €43million. other ancillaries and other projects con- Human Sciences did marginally better Once again the College of Arts and *Source: UCD Budget 2005/6 tributing to this. (See table) with 5%. Celtic studies came dead last, getting A total of €68 million was received The College of Business and Law just 8% of all research funding. Funding for Humanities for research. also failed to impress, receiving the One of the benefi ciaries of the budg- (Arts & Celtic Studies, Human Sciences) The Sciences were rolling in it once same 1% as their more literary minded et was President Hugh Brady, whose again as The College of Life Sciences counterparts in Arts. offi ce got a 61% increase in govern- n 17% of Total State Funding which includes Medicine, Veterinary The combined amount of govern- ment allocated funding. science and Chemistry, took in the vast ment funding received by the College The Presidents Office received n 6% of Total Research Funding majority of research funding with 57% of Engineering, Maths and Physical €712,000 more than they did in n 13% of Total Budget or €38million. Sciences and the College of Life Sci- 04/05. College Tribune 20.04.06 NEWS 5

1995, information on abortion services, including contact numbers for clinics, is not permitted in Ireland by means of pub- Abortion lic notices or by unsolicited distribution of books or leafl ets. However, whether SU Freshers’ Guides come under the act was never resolved referendum by the Supreme Court. It is therefore not illegal for the information to be contained in the Freshers’ Guide. Horgan-Jones admits, “It is not ex- looms plicitly legal either, but the principle of n ‘innocent until proven guilty’ must apply Will decide if SU continues non-directive stance here.” A potentially bitter and divisive Whether the information is legal or not referendum could be on the cards CAITRIONA GAFFNEY depends on whether a court decides if a in the next academic year as the war Freshers’ Guide is solicited information of words over the Students’ Union is mandated to provide information on (requested and therefore legal) or un- stance on abortion failed to cool this abortion services both verbally and in SU solicited information (un-requested and week. publications. therefore illegal). Education Offi cer Jane Horgan Jones However, Hayden maintains that due There is a case for it being solicited, called for clarifi cation on the issue and to a 1995 national referendum it is illegal as the information was requested by said, “The only way that we can change to print information on abortion clinics and members of an organisation, and then the non-directive stance that we have in as such the SU cannot have an election put into a publication which is not posted regards to providing abortion information on something that is illegal. “The maximum fi ne we can receive that it does not overturn the Union policy to people, but people choose to take. is by holding another referendum.” Hayden also claims that if the SU is €2,000. The SU probably spend that has been in existence for 13 years. On the other side there is also a case Current Welfare Offi cer and President were to print such material they would more than that on posters in a month.” Horgan-Jones opposes 32 class reps for it being unsolicited material as peo- Elect, Dan Hayden confi rmed that he had open themselves up to legal proceedings Horgan-Jones also clarifi ed that even if having the power to decide whether or ple who are picking up the guide don’t placed a motion to council calling for a and could lose all the facilities they have there was a case brought against the SU, not information on abortion services automatically know if there is abortion referendum on the issue. worked so hard to get. “Every pro choice barrister in the State should be available to students. “It is ab- information in it. This side argues that in If passed it would mandate the Union This was however, countered by Edu- would be fi ghting over the right to repre- solutely right and proper that decisions order for it to be solicited every student to continue its non-directive stance on cation Offi cer Jane Horgan Jones, who sent us for free. In fact, two have already by referendum can only be overturned will have to have asked for abortion ma- providing abortion information as well as made the information available be plac- offered.” by another referendum. terial. mandating the Union to lobby on a na- ing it one her offi ce door, “Any ridiculous The issue arose when Class Reps, “I feel responsible to uphold Union One possibility is for the SU to print tional level for the provision of abortion scaremongering about ‘losing everything’ Kate O’Hanlon and Darren Cogavin, pro- policy, even if it falls outside of my brief. a separate pamphlet detailing all abor- services in the State. should be seen exactly for what it is, posed a motion requiring Hayden to fulfi l I would prefer if Dan [Hayden] would do tion material to be left at Welfare stations The potential referendum would not completely unsubstantiated and unre- the mandate of the 1993 SU referendum it, but he won’t, so that’s why I’m doing around campus. It is likely that such a mandate the Union to include the contact searched rubbish.” which states that all information on crisis it. I would prefer if they agreed to put it in pamphlet would be considered solicited names and addresses of abortion serv- “There’s no chance whatsoever that pregnancy options must be made avail- the Freshers’ Guide, but they won’t, so material. ices in England. we could lose any shops, bars, offi ces able by the Union. that’s why it’s on my door.” It seems that the only way to fi nd out In addition, Horgan-Jones has pro- etc. The motion was defeated but Horgan- “It’s not good enough that that the in- for sure whether the guides are deemed posed a motion to council mandating “I cannot be sued over this matter. Only Jones argues that Union policy should formation is there in Dan’s [Hayden] of- solicited or unsolicited would be for the President and future Presidents to the DPP can bring any action against still be upheld even if it was voted on 13 fi ce. It should be in the Freshers’ Guide, UCDSU to print and distribute the guides ascertain the legality of providing solicited me. Therefore, there is no chance of the years ago. not on my door.” containing clinic addresses, though not (legal) abortion material in SU publica- Union paying ‘damages’ .You don’t pay She insists that the decision made at There is a grey area within the law on to advertise or promote them, and for tions before a referendum takes place. damages to the state if they prosecute Council is only an indication of how 20 the provision of information on abortion. UCDSU to be prosecuted and only then Under a 1993 referendum the SU you. people of 32 felt at the time of voting, and Under the Regulation of Information Act could the courts make a judgement.

€1.00 Off any large fresh Fruit juice or Smoothie On presentation of this voucher expires end May ‘06 College Tribune 6 NEWS 20.04.06 Elections (not very) special

Finance Offi cer EOIN MAC AODHA A “very happy” Stephen Quinlivan defeated outgoing offi cer Eugeniya Speaking about plans to replace the Kazakova to become SU Finance role with an Equality and Gender Offi cer, Offi cer. the Women’s Offi cer elect said that she Taking 55% of the vote, Quinlivan was “100% behind the role. Everyone put his victory down to the big votes needs to be included in and I’m going in Quinn and Roebuck in his favour as to do a lot of gender equality.” well as the fact that he was well known outside the Students’ Union. Programme The new Finance Offi cer was also Representatives quick to hit back at the naysayers who The Faculties of Arts, Science, and felt he only wanted the job to improve Business and Law have four new his CV. representatives with Paul Lynam, “I’ve no previous experience of the Chris Bond, Paddy Rath and Jane On a high: Chris Bond is elected as one of the Programme Offi cers for Arts Union and a lot of people were sceptical Tiernan taking the honours. of my candidacy, that I was only doing Paul ‘Dessie’ Lynam topped the pole While Bonds’ colleague in Arts, Paul on the part of his predecessors stating of the vote to become Irish Offi cer. it for career reasons but I’m genuinely in the two seater Arts constituency with Lynam, said “there are a lot of chal- “the job is important, the reason they O’Sullivan declared himself “over the interested in the Union and students.” a 33% share while Chris Bond came in lenges but I’m very ambitious.” were going to get rid of it was previous moon and really happy that everyone Outgoing Finance Offi cer and losing second, after transfers, with 23% of the holders did little and had no IT experi- got out and voted.” candidate Eugeniya Kazakova stated total valid pole. IT and ence.” Running unopposed the new Irish that she was “sentimental” but ultimately Over in the Business and Law faculty Communications Offi cer Qupping after the result, Redmond Offi cer was nonetheless “scared” of Re happy with the campaign she ran. outgoing B and L society auditor Paddy Gary Redmond managed to ward off said “don’t worry I won’t be running any Open Nominations but felt he ran an Kazakova went on to say that herself Rath blitzed all challengers with a whop- the challenge of Re-Open-Nomina- referendums!” in deference to this years’ effi cient campaign. and her opponent had raised the bar of ping 69%. tions to become IT and Communica- IT offi cer who was the agent for three Part of the reason for O’Sullivan’s what was expected from a candidate While in Science Jane Tiernan took tions Offi cer winning with 82% of the moribund constitutional referendums vigorous campaign was so that “people for Finance Offi cer, particularly in the 54% to win easily. vote. earlier in the year. would know what I’m on about for next professionalism of their manifestos. The roles of Programme Offi cer were Redmond was “delighted to be able Gary Redmond will also be Manager year.” A year that O’Sullivan claims he’s Stephen Quinlivan is also running for created in March when three consti- to do something in the Union next year” of Belfi eld FM next year. “looking forward to, I’m already formu- auditor of the B and L Society. tutional amendments were passed, saying “fi nally there’s someone doing lating new ideas.” however a certain amount of ambiguity the job with IT skills.” Irish Offi cer Women’s Offi cer surrounds what powers the offi cers will The new offi cer also felt that plans to There was no need for a recount last The Students of UCD have a new have and what their roles will be. abolish the offi ce were down to failings Friday as Donal O’Sullivan took 87% Women’s Offi cer in the form of Carol- B and L offi cer, Paddy Rath recog- Anne Rushe who raced to victory nised this but said “I’m going to provide with 52% of the vote. representation for my school and work The results... Speaking after the vote Rushe was off my manifesto, promote awareness n Woman’s Offi cer: “over the moon, really, really delighted”. of the Union and represent Class Reps Carol-Anne Rushe She also stated “I tried my best and in executive” n Finance Offi cer: can’t wait for the year ahead.” This was echoed by the new Science Stephen Quinlivan Decisive victories in Arts and Quinn offi cer, Jane Tiernan who said “it’s un- n IT & Communications Offi cer: were enough to overturn a defeat in the known territory. I’m going to work from Gary Redmond Science block for Rushe to win by 345 my manifesto.” n Irish Offi cer: votes out of 1,871 valid votes. New Arts Offi cer Chris Bond seemed Donal O’Sullivan When asked about her opponent Lin- to be in agreement with his colleagues n Programme Offi cers: da Phelan, who took 33% of the vote, stating “I promise to use the new posi- Paul Lynam, Chris Bond, Rushe felt “She didn’t really show much tion to implement every promise I made Paddy Rath, Jane Tiernan presence.” in my manifesto.” All Go for Musical Show

The Musical Show have won UCD’s ALAN TULLY judging panel by Keith Johnson while Battle of the Bands. manager of the Blizzards, Justin Mof- The Final of the competition was held day, came out as winners on the night. fat, was also on the lookout for new last Thursday in the Student Bar and The fi nal was the culmination of fi ve talent. was one of the major events held by weeks of heats also held in the SU bar The Blizzards themselves are made the Ents offi ce this year in the lead up in January and February of this year. up of former UCD students and have to the UCD Ball. Over twenty unsigned bands competed been seen as a domestic success story major departure from previous years in brought music in UCD up a level. The Five bands with various and diverse in the various heats with one selected being signed recently to Universal and which there was no opportunity to play prize is fantastic and I think that it gave styles of music competed for a top each week to go on to the fi nal. who will be playing the UCD Ball next a college ball and the prize fund was incentive for the bands themselves to prize of €1000 and the opportunity to The nights were judged by a panel week. considerably less. play better.” perform at the inaugural UCD Ball this of eminent members of the music in- The judging panel was completed by Outgoing Ents offi cer, Anthony Kelly The Musical Show will be performing year. The groups were the Bravest Kid dustry. Record companies were repre- music journalist Steve Cummins from was delighted with the turnout by UCD at the UCD Ball alongside Irish heavy- in School, The Internet, The Musical sented by Ken Allen from Faction/At- Hotpress and Trevor Dietz who books students to support the night. “It was weights such as Damien Dempsey Show, Travega and Morning Hush. lantic Records and Barry O’Donoghue bands for the Eamon Dorans venue in one of the busiest nights of the year so and Bell X1 and some up and coming The six piece band The Musical of Sony/BMG. The Irish Music Rights Temple Bar. far,” said Kelly, “I hope this is kept up groups like the Blizzards and Trinity Show, the fi nal act to play on Thurs- Organisation was represented on the This year’s Battle of the Bands was a by future Ents offi cers because it has College’s Porn Trauma.

College Tribune 8 COMMENT 20.04.06 FAUSTUS Remembering 2002-03: SODOMISING THE PAST, ERASING THE FUTURE A Basis for the future

austus would like to take this opportunity to tell you all that he Dermot Looney leaves UCD once and for all with confi dence in future radicalism hates you. F This year has been nothing but an abject disappointment for him. A seminal pit of abject failure. A disgustingly repulsive conglomera- Going to UCD was the biggest mistake of my life to date. I Offi cer) – were prominent CFE activists and swung the balance tion of bile. never had the career orientation of those for whom Medicine of power in the Students’ Union away from Fianna Fáil for the In short, shite. is the automatic CAO choice and whose entire life from the fi rst time in years. The year started off so weakly, limping into life with a Freshers’ Weak seesaw to the grave was mapped out at age 8. The story since then has been one of mixed fortunes for the (sic) so devoid of scandal it almost made Faustus want to expose himself But come the Leaving Cert I had the vaguest of notions of radical left in UCD. The Students’ Union administration of Dil- in the middle of the Freshers’ tent for the widespread titillation of UCD’s studying History and Politics in Trinity for some reason. It topped lon, Regan and Kelly was perhaps the most effective in recent innocent female Freshers’ and the collective ire of Dickie Butler and his my CAO list, followed by three similar courses in her Majesty’s memory; while the ban on the sale of Coke products will be most sunglasses. Inner City Polytechnic and a couple in DIT and DCU. UCD came remembered (initiated as it was outside of the Students’ Union Somehow he restrained and managed to soldier on, hopeful that once ninth and tenth. administration), there were considerable successes in winning the societies had garnered their thirty pieces of silver from the unwashed Clearly, my results didn’t work out quite as expected. I began a better conditions for Nurses and Physiotherapists. they would go back to bitching and infi ghting. course in Social Science the week of the September 11th attacks Radiographers, for so long ignored by Students’ Union admin- Fausuts expected the new gimps from Quinn to duel it out with the on the US. Perhaps the timing was fortuitous in a twisted kind istrations, were given support in their campaign against com- now non existent C&E society. Faustus never thought he’d say this, ever, of way. The subsequent invasion of Afghanistan allowed for a pulsory prayer seminars, one of the greatest scandals in recent but he’s beginning to miss those duplicitious little buggers. After all, they re-emergence of a shadowed anti-war movement in Ireland. times in Irish third level education. were always game for a bit of malevolency, something Faustus holds Combined with the run-up to the 2002 general election, the There were innovative campaigns against library cutbacks dear to his heart. space for political discussion and debate in UCD was simul- – a thousand students taking part in four separate occupations In comparison, Qshock are about as original as a paedophile in a taneously tolerant and radical. I wasn’t involved in a of libraries in Belfi eld and Earlsfort Terrace – and playground joke. direct political group or organisation but the welfare campaigns were brought to a new Over there up on high in the Union, that bastion of representative rumblings of 01-02 were to be met in a level by a Welfare Offi cer, Jennifer politics, the SU have had a year so full of wilful triumphalism Faustus straightforward way with the formation Allen, perceived to be on the has ordered a colonic irrigation in the vain hope that he can be purged of the Campaign for Free Educa- right. of their lies, damn lies. tion group (CFE) in the summer The overall ethos of that In fairness, despite persistent back problems, King Jimmy did a great of 2002. Union was one of hard job of networking. A tireless worker, the bauld Carroll was persistently ar- Again, I stood on the work, action from be- ranging meetings and to his great credit was in contact with an awesome sidelines – mostly as a low and better com- conglomeration of people, entities and potential partners. student journalist with munication. For the Faustus was shocked though to hear that the woeful abuse the inno- this paper – as an amal- fi rst time UCD saw cent President had received during the year had not put him off politics gam of left wing groups an Access Week, and if rumours are true then James Carroll will be Chair of the illustrious and activists set in train a Green Week, KBC next year. It looks like it could be a race of titanicly epic proportions the serious shift in po- mass attendance with persistent murmurings that Justin McAleese, the very son of our litical concentration for at the USI 10K esteemed Uachtarán na h’Eireann, is set to pin the steam train that is years to come in the charity walk and Jimmy back. college. involvement by As far as Faustus is concerned, nothing would please him more than 2002-2003 was a cru- the Union in Anti- to see a strong KBC in UCD, it’s just what student politics need. cial year for student activ- Deportation activ- While young McAlese has been training under his homegrown acad- ism in UCD, perhaps the ism. emy at the Aras, Jimmy has jetted out to the Future Leaders of the World most signifi cant in decades. The landslide elec- Conference. Seriously, CFE provided a radical plat- tion of Fergal Scully in Poor old Hayden, however, is beginning to feel the collective ire of form for change but benefi ted 2004 was seen as a seal the left, for what is surely going to be a fun fi lled hate fest of an abortion from indirect infl uences too. The of approval from the student referendum next year. split in the UCD Socialist Workers’ body in a radical, active, cam- Anyone attempting to decipher the amount of various facets beware. Party the previous summer had allowed a paigning type of Students’ Union. Hayden it appears, is pro choice, but not pro choice enough. The hard left number of activists to move away from the con- But the subsequent victories of James want him to stand up to the man and print the names and addresses but trolling infl uence of that party’s leadership and develop Carroll and Dan Hayden mark a return to the old Hayden is worrying that he’ll have all his toys taken off him if he does. divergent but intelligent politics with others on the left. type of Union which sees the college authorities and government Watch this space. It’s going to limp, then jog, burst into a sprint of Simultaneously, the growth of UCD’s other Trotskyist Group, as unquestionable partners and the Union as little more than a acidic proportions, explode in a blaze of infi ghting and then limp slowly Socialist Youth, along with the actions of Labour Party members service provider. So where now for the left? off the agenda. and hosts of non-aligned activists contributed to a left dynamic The successes of 2002-03 were brought about by a mixture Enjoy rarely so evident in Irish politics. Even on this micro-level the left of a radical background and sustained action by groups of ac- Fausutus could not also help chuckling during were to achieve serious results. tivists working together. There are key lessons the left in UCD young Chris Bond’s speech at the election CFE succeeded on both a national and college level, attacking can learn from these victories and move towards rebuilding a count, he declared Enda ’bridesmaid’ the scandalously lethargic and downright awful Students’ Union student movement in UCD. Duffy to be the standard bearer of stu- administration of Aonghus Hourihane and his cronies while tak- The ingredients for change include a conscious effort to move dent activism not least in UCD but across ing direct action at USI protests and affecting a shift to the left away from sectarianism; all victories have been won by progres- the country. in that organisation. sive activists coming together. Any onlookers noting the Duffster com- The threat of fees presented by then Minister for Education Moving away from the keyboard wars of ucdsu.net and onto plete with sunglasses and beer Noel Dempsey – at one time blockaded into the newly-opened actual activism, meeting students where they are with sustained can could not but agree. Vet Building by CFE – fostered a mood of real anger amongst campaigns is crucial. Continuing action outside the narrow prism And as such another boringly ordinary students towards both the government and their own of UCD politics is vital too, linking with other activists around inept year ends, Faustus looks feckless union. the country to reclaim USI and establish grassroots campaigns forward to the same again + The landscape was overshadowed by the threat of war in Iraq outside the USI structure. Spuccers. and UCD activists were involved at all levels of anti-war activism. Infl uence within the Union can come with a broad election There was direct action at Shannon and protests all over Dublin, platform in elections to UCDSU Council this coming October. including a sit-down protest in front of the Dáil on Day X – the day Infl uence in UCD outside the Union can come with support for war broke out – comprised almost entirely of UCD students. The staff alienated by Brady’s corporate project and in supporting development of Indymedia and the embracing of email groups the independent media. allowed better scope for communication and debate. 2002-03 can’t be repeated, nor should it be. But the new Confi dence was sky-high and the power of CFE was realised generation of activists can take heart from previous achieve- in the unprecedented swing to the left in the 2003 SU elections. ments in building a better, fairer UCD. I won’t be there to see it Three of the fi ve sabbatical offi cers – Paul Dillon (President), but the biggest and best mistake of my life might just continue FAUSTUS Aidan Regan (Deputy President) and Oisín Kelly (Education for some years to come. College Tribune 29.1.0620.04.06 EDITORIALDNFJKFJJ 99 LETTERS The College Tribune reserves the right to edit all letters. Box 74, Student Centre & The views expressed on this page are the views of the letter LG 18, John Henry Newman Building, Dublin 4 writers and do not refl ect the views of the Telephone: 01 - 7168501 EDITORIAL College Tribune. E-mail: [email protected] CAN YOU HEAR THE Letter from the Editor I would like to thank the following individuals for their help, support and hard work during the last year. WHITE ELEPHANT ROAR? The entire editorial team of Ronan Dempsey, Caitriona Gaffney, Karen O’Connell, Barry Bowen,Jack Cane, Owen Priestley, Eileen O’Malley, Alan Tully, Aisling O’Leary, Roe McDermott and in particular Simon Ward and Colin Gleeson for the ridiculously long hours There seems to be somewhat of a democratic defi cit in UCD. they put in. Last Wednesday and Thursday students were asked to vote on Ruaidhri O’Connor for his invaluable input and awesome high fi ves. whether they were willing to increase the levy to pay for a new student Editors Emeritus, Dan McDonnell, Peter Lahiff, Richard Oakley, Peter McGuire, Paul Lynch and Eoghan Rice for their advice, encour- centre. agement and sound judgement. The fact that less than an estimated 10% of students actually bothered Hugh Doherty for his excellent legal advice as well as Dermot Looney for his great contribution. to vote demonstrates the apathy of those attending the university. Mary and Mairtin Mac Aodha for the use of their home and more importantly their support. In reality only a select few get involved in UCD, be it in societies or in Everybody who advertised with the paper during the year as without your contribution there would have been no paper. politics. The majority go to their lectures, go on some society nights out Gary and Stephen in Spectator for putting up with some of our ridiculous demands and providing a scandalously good print job. and get little else out of the college. Aoife Ni Bhrian and Barry Bowen for organising our fundraiser and anyone who bothers to come. There is no magic answer to this and many would argue that they Every contributor who wrote even one article for the paper and everyone who read even one copy. simply don’t want to be involved in UCD, and obviously that is their Finally, all the friends of the College Tribune, from those who called in with tips for stories, those who knocked in for the banter and privilege. those who were simply there. This apathy does however, tell us something about plans to build a It’s never been easy but it’s always been rewarding. new student centre. There simply is no desire for it. Thank you, It will serve the few that are already involved in UCD and do little to Eoin Mac Aodha incorporate the outside majority. We are told that there will be student representation on all facets of planning. But who are these students? Will they be in touch with what students want, will they actually care what the majority want or will they be just self interested hacks? The centre is not a bad idea per se, it is just not needed. The front page of this paper carried a White Elephant, it did so due to MAKE THE PAPER a belief that the students have no desire for a ridiculous ‘Parliamentary Deputy Editor: and fi lm. Will be expected to ensure that there is at least one book Style Debating Theatre’, that we already have facilities for showing fi lms, The Deputy Editor will be expected to deputise for the Editor review and four fi lm reviews in every edition of the paper. Also that Dramsoc do not need to take students money for a new theatre whenever they may be unavailable. Responsible for working with must ensure that are suffi cient interviews and features throughout and that it should not cost 35million to build a practice room for UCD’s the Editor to ensure the smooth running of the newspaper. Will the section. dancers. be expected to read all articles to ensure a high standard. Will be This paper has no doubt that the centre will be a success for the few required to attend production weekends every second week, where Sports Editor: but it will not serve the masses, the people who will have to pay for it. there could be highly unsociable working hours. Responsible for organizing the Sports Section. This involves researching upcoming events and matches while liaising with the Advertising Manager: Sports Offi ce. Also expected to obtain suffi cient interviews, while ABORTION The advertising manager will be responsible for seeking adver- compiling sports features and news. tisements to fund the newspaper. It is a position that would be The editor of the College Tribune is male and thus does not feel that incredibly benefi cial to anybody looking to follow Marketing as a Health and Fashion Editor: he is in a position to impose his views on the issue of abortion. career path. This will involve part-time work during the summer and Charged with overseeing the section with new and interesting topic No male will ever have to carry a child, wanted or unwanted and as throughout the academic year. The work entailed can be carried for every edition. Topics should be related to students. such is not in a position to lecture their views on abortion. out from the College Tribune offi ce where all phone calls will be Let us remember that nobody enters lightly into an abortion. Let us paid for. Photo Editor not cast everybody who falls into the wide pro-choice category as mur- Responsible for obtaining photographs for the newspaper. Will be derers. Design Team: expected to work in conjunction with the Design Editor. Likewise let us not cast everyone who falls into the equally wide pro-life Knowledge of Quark/Adobe Indesign is benefi cial but full training The College Tribune would also welcome anybody who wishes category as right-wing zealots. will be provided. All interested applications are encouraged to take photographs. This is an excellent opportunity for candidates In the last number of weeks, the issue has once again boiled over to build a portfolio and gain excellent experience. as the Education Offi cer placed the contact details of Abortion clinics News Editor: in England on her door. As the Welfare Offi cer is mandated to do by a Responsible for researching, delegating and structuring the news 1993 referendum. section in conjunction with the Editor. The News Editor should The Editorial Team is a crucial component of the paper and This paper would not be so presumptuous as to enforce its views on be curious about the college and the way it functions. It will be all members will be expected to attend fortnightly Editorial this matter to the students of UCD. necessary to investigate and explore all potential news stories, meetings. All positions provide excellent experience and It is proposing however, and as a matter of urgency, that a referendum and to prepare a bank of smaller stories in the case of a bigger portfolio opportunities. The College Tribune is a proven step- is held in the fi rst term of next year to decide what the students want. story falling through. It will also be essential for the News Editor ping-stone towards a career in journalism and the national In addition, every effort must be made to ascertain what exactly con- to attend Student Union Council every week. press. All members will be in charge of fi lling the pages of their stitutes solicited material and whether the Union can legally produce a respective section and will be expected to voice an opinion on pamphlet containing all information on abortion. Features Editor: all sections of the paper in order to ensure progression. Candi- Let us remember that not every woman would be comfortable asking The Features Editor is charged with devising and suggesting dates interested in all positions should send their applications, a male or female Welfare Offi cer of their own age for material. original and innovative articles. Is required to research articles which should include a short proposal of ideas they have for If the students of UCD want abortion information to be made available and talk to the relevant people when writing articles. Regular their position plus an attached portfolio of previous work to the in SU publications this must be accepted and adhered to. meetings with contributors are also a critical component of the address below, or alternatively drop into the College Tribune If they do not, then the wishes of the majority must be accepted. Features section. Offi ce beside the Trap in the basement of the Arts Block. Given the polarised nature of the issue, the campaign is bound to be emotive but every effort must be made to get the largest amount of Music Editor: Closing date for all applications is Friday May 26th at 5pm. students in UCD election history out to vote. Responsible for distributing albums for review, obtaining inter- All applicants will be interviewed. By doing so, the Union can move on, clear in the knowledge of what views and compiling interesting features in the section. Will work Colin Gleeson its members want. in conjunction with the relevant record companies. Mailbox 74 Students Centre Arts Editor: UCD Charged with the maintenance of a section that will include books Belfi eld College Tribune 10 YEAR IN REVIEW 20.04.06 YEAR IN REVIEW

From left to right: UCD make history to win consecutive Leinster titles, John C.McGinley has a chat, Sports Bar gets sent off and we interview Westlife, the highlight of the College Tribune’s long and illustrious career. The Student Co-Op which aimed to end the rip-off by selling cheap tea and coffee and an irate porter in Dun Laoghaire Rathdown during a protest calling for the centralisation of grants.

“If there’s a leak in the roof in Roebuck, students “The carpet was black, it smelled like urine, don’t care if I’m left or right, up or down, black or there was writing on all the walls from fl oor white, gay or straight as long as the roof is fi xed” to ceiling and on the cabinets, there were holes in the walls and the front door was UCD Student Union President James Carroll shares his political gone.” ideology with the College Tribune Josh Kimball, sub-let his apartment to Irish Students who then absolutely wrecked it. “That the president of one of the biggest universities “Sure Daniel Wang, he’s a bit of a living of Ireland could have such an unbelievable lack of legend” manners” UCD Student Union President James Carroll response Former Lord Mayor Cllr. Dermot Lacey rails against President Hugh to the revelation that Daniel Wang was a fi ctitious Brady character College Tribune Do You Like 20.04.06 YEAR IN REVIEW 11 Small Balls? 18th Empire

From left to right; A fi ght during the Freshers’ Ball, UCD gets a swanky and expensive new crest and scenes from the SU elections where A Dan Hayden is elected President lan and all the campaign teams hustle for those last few votes. Stephen Kenny, Clive Delaney, Tony McDonnell and Pete Mahon pose Tu with the League cup before UCD’s lly two-one loss to Derry in the fi nal while James Carroll leads an SU Dermot boycott of an exam in Science Looney The Aristocrats

“Unlike our friends who you’ve just seen “Hugh Brady thinks that everything there, the rest of us ll don’t live in a time warp anymore.” in the world should make a profi t. a UCD should not be there to make all B Minister for Justice Michael McDowell’s witty response to Sm er UCD students protesting at his presence in the College profi t it should be there to educate, undrais and the Vet Faculty, they should be F “We’re just good friends, bit of snoggin, there to train clinicians.” fl oggin, loggin down in Sallynoggin.” A former UCD academic highlights just one of Dustin the Turkey explains his relationship with Today the problems encountered by the FM Presenter Jenny Kelly Vet faculty College Tribune 12 FEATURES 20.04.06

UCD & 1916

On the 90th anniversary of the 1916 Rising thousands marched to celebrate it, Ged Walsh, analyses the insurrection and the involvement of UCD students and staff, noting that student apathy is nothing new

David Trimble, in his 1992 dents had strong Nationalist views. A pamphlet, asked why the revolt in strong college corps was trained in 1916 was called a rising and not the Count Plunkett estate in Crumlin a rebellion. He suggests that it by Capt. Robert Monkeith ( who later was to do with the ultramontane landed with Sir Roger Casement in Catholic Church. I suggest that Co. Kerry). it was because of the amount At this time, other members of the of UCD. students that took part. staff and student body had volun- Rising and students do not go teered for service with His Majes- together. ties forces. By the end of 1916, 450 We must go back to 1913 to illus- had donned the British uniform. The trate the point. idealism and heroism of these men In January 1913 the Ulster Volun- has been shamefully neglected;over- teer Force was founded to protect looked by our parochial jingoistic Ulster from Home Rule which they leaders. saw as Rome Rule. This was the fi rst Professor of Political Economy Fascist force in modern Europe. It at the time was Tom Kettle and he was formed to subject the demo- typifi ed the attitude with the lines he cratic majority. In Ulster at the time wrote before the Battle of the Somme there were 17 Nationalist MP’s to 16 September 4th 1916. Unionist. Sir Edward Carson, one of the “Know that we fools, now with the chief organisers of the U.V.F. was foolish dead Eoin Mac Neill: Professor of Early Irish MP for Trinity College at the time. Died not for fl ag nor King nor History in UCD at the time of the rising In November of that year the Irish Emperor Volunteers was formed at a meeting But for a dream born in a herds- in the Rotunda. The enthusiastic stu- man’s head trained men coming back to Ireland known as the ‘Castle Document’ was had been captured. He decided that dents marched from 86 St. Stephens And for the secret Scripture of the to support his ideal. shown to MacNeill. It stated that the mobilisation should not take place. Green to the meeting to join up. poor” Pearse, Plunkett and MacDonagh Irish Volunteers were to be sup- Orders for this were issued through- Meanwhile the I.R.B. (Irish Republi- felt that England’s diffi culty was to pressed and the leaders arrested. out the country. can Brotherhood) was active. It was He too died for Ireland. Ireland’s advantage and there should MacNeill was furious and put the vol- On Sunday a meeting was held by an illegal oath-bound society led by Meanwhile, in the Irish volunteers be a rebellion. unteers on alert and to resist with the I.R.B. in Liberty Hall. They de- Bulmer Hobson, Sean McDermott, the inevitable split was beginning. Thomas MacDonagh was Assist- force if required. This document was cided the rebellion should go ahead Pat Mc Carton and Tom Clarke. MacNeill saw the volunteers as ant Professor of French in U.C.D.until forged by Plunkett and McDermot on Monday. Of course the rebellion They needed to become bona fi de. a guarantee to freedom and self- just before the Rising. but it had the desired effect. would be confi ned to Dublin. Pearse Nothing changes. government. For him the volunteers In that fateful Easter week of 1916, On Easter Saturday morning Mac- was to have a ‘bloody protest for a They needed an authoritative, were the national army of a political and indeed before it, MacNeill was Neill learned that a rebellion was glorious thing’. credible man. Eoin MacNeill, Profes- movement. He did not want to alien- kept in the dark about the plans for planned for Sunday, he also learned In all, 64 Volunteers, Irish Citizen sor of Early Irish History in UCD at ate the Unionists. a rebellion. that a German boat which had Sir Army and Fianna were killed during the time was approached. He, like all After the war he foresaw 150,000 Early in Easter week a document Roger Casement and arms on board the rebellion. 14 were executed af- good male academics, discussed it terwards. with his wife and consented to lead Students and Staff Involved... 20 students took part in the rebel- the newly formed Irish Volunteers. lion depsite an enthusiastic march in The number of Irish Volunteers in- n Eoin MacNeill, Among the Students Involved: 1913 with 350 participants. The lack creased to 129,000 by May 1914. of staying power in UCD students is Professor of Early Irish History. The I.R.B. recruited from their Joseph Sweeney, John Joyce, Conor & Eunan not new. ranks and started training camps. n Tomas MacDonagh McGinley, Eamon Balfe, Frank Burke, Brian Joyce, Offi cially, UCD was in a sticky po- Assistant Professor of French. Fergus Kelly, Desmond Ryan, Peter Slattery, John n Ged Walsh is a local histo- sition. The King was still funding the n Patrick Pearse Kilgallon, John Dowling, Dan McLoughlin, Jim rian and a former UCD college yet some of the staff and stu- Lectured in Irish in 1908 Ryan, Joe Thunder, Joe & Frank Murray. student

College Tribune 14 THE UCD BALL 20.04.06 a A beginners guide...

There has always been one thing that The Trinity Ball, which was threat- In previous years the UCD students circuit this summer so we will get the costly dry-cleaning bill Trinity College has been able to lord ened with extinction a few years ago is had to blag tickets for the Trinity Ball off best of Oxygen and Electric Picnic for the next morning. over UCD, The Trinity Ball. For many now run by private promoters MCD and friends and now as a cheaper and hope- €60. Bring on the Ball. years while we have been sitting in ticket prices have inevitably risen. fully superior alternative we These balls always offer plenty to see n Alan Tully a horse stable in the RDS, slaving can trash UCD at the end and do. Perhaps you might fi nd love, away at exams and missing of the year instead. or at least a fi lthy feel up of a fresher the fi rst rays of summer, our The line up for this behind the Ag Science building. Alter- Trinity cousins have been year’s event is of the natively you can go fi nd the people who having a really big drunken, highest quality from the gather around the fringes of the event messy, sweaty party. Irish music industry to be doing drugs and later to collapse in a Finally the SU have paid at- spread over three stag- heap in the middle of the dance tent only tention to the fact that students es. Damien Dempsey to wake up later fi nding the party is over have a penchant for dressing up and Bell X1 will be the and everyone else had piled plastic pint like James Bond characters and headliners and along glasses on top of them. dancing to Fat Boy Slim or Ry- with acts like the Bliz- How about organising a dance-off? oksopp, and they have this year zards, Director, Porn Or maybe it would be novel to try and entered the market. Trauma and Repub- instigate a riot during Damien Demp- This week the fi rst ever UCD lic of Loose. Most of sey’s set? Ball is to be held on campus and it these bands are go- In the end though everyone pretty may be just at the right time. ing to on the festival much ends up legless drunk and with a Directly Entertaining

Michael Moloney and Rowan Averill of new band Director talk to Ronan Dempsey about making their own videos, doing their own artwork, and cleaning their own stages.

Despite the professionalism that Unassuming and polite, Michael pervades both the music and Moloney (vocals/guitar) and Rowan performances from Director, a Averill (bass) frequently fi nish and sup- humorous realism and sense plement each other’s sentences in an of modesty endears them as impressively cohesive manner. refreshingly attentive and earnest They date Director’s origins back as interviewees. far as their school days, which goes “[O]n a message board, people some way towards explaining the pol- were tabbing out our songs and then ished and experienced air surrounding of course Eoin [Aherne, lead guitar] everything they do. tried to give them some pointers and “I guess we’ve been together for a gave them the wrong key.” long time in different forms, we all went They are an interesting band; rela- to school together” explains Michael, tively unknown, they signed to Atlantic “…apart from Shea [Lawler, drums]…” records early last year (“…the staff are Averill adds quickly as he continues, quite small so it’s almost like, dare I “…so we would have been playing say it, like an Indie label. It’s not one- together in some form or another. I way, kind of orders sent down”) and guess it’s only been in the last two/ appeared on the new band stage at three years maybe that we’ve been the Oxegen festival (“It was cool, we playing as Director” enjoyed it”). The single itself exhibits a maturity ambivalent about the question of infl u- testing them live, Director were con- Averill, on the other hand, has an ur- Since supporting Hard-Fi on their in song writing that belies their rela- ences. “[T]here wouldn’t be one band cerned with perfecting their sound be- gent message. “I remember we played recent UK tour they have been busy tively short time in the music industry that we’d always be striving towards. fore presenting it. the front square in TCD. We came in recording their debut album, which is and well deserves the enthusiastic re- That’s what would colour the music. “I guess we wouldn’t have played and there was water all over the stage. provisionally due for release by early sponse it has already met with since it I’d listen to Steely Dan, or Moloko and a lot of gigs earlier on; we just spent We were like ‘eh, are you sure this is next year. They involve themselves in appeared on national radio in the last I’m a big fan of Randy Newman, which a lot of time in rehearsal just working safe?’ So we had to get mops from the every facet of their work, including the few weeks. defi nitely infl uences the song writing. on songs, which I think is the most im- canteen and mop it down. So tell them treatment of the video for their debut Listening to it, the fi rst thing that You could say the Strokes infl uence our portant thing, not that the live shows that, in UCD, get mops.” single, ‘Reconnect’ and the accompa- strikes you is its subtlety: the slight- music because they have guitars.” aren’t important, we didn’t exactly play nying artwork. est of fi lls on the drums, the lightest of They aren’t in strict agreement that a torrent of gigs.” Director will be playing on the Pit Now, with the launch imminent (21st touches on the guitar, the driving bass their apparently swift success in sign- Looking ahead to the busy future Stage at the UCD Ball and new April), they are preparing themselves and the catchy melody all mould into a ing to a major label was in any way Moloney is accepting and optimistic; album Reconnect is out on the to complement it with the inevitable song that is not so much hook fi lled as special. Moloney points out that while “I think there’s nothing else I’d rather 21st. Check them out at spate of live shows, including an ap- a complete hook in itself. other bands would get out on the road be doing…we’re defi nitely at a stage http://www.myspace. pearance at the UCD Ball this Friday. As the main songwriter, Moloney is and hone their skills and songs through where we’re just learning how it is.” com/directormusic College Tribune 20.04.06 THE UCD BALL 15 Bus it to the Ball Barra Ó’ Fianail talks to Damien Dempsey, one of the headline acts at the upcoming UCD ball about busking, colonialism and Celebrity Jigs and Reels

A couple of drunken UCD students stagger record companies wouldn’t necessarily give a However, you won’t along Dublin’s Grafton Street. It’s a cold, deal to because your not going to make mil- have to wait to see him dark night and they’re heading towards a lions of pounds over-night.” as RTE’s next dancing club they’re far too drunk to get into. One Things have certainly gone well for the Dub- sensation. He’ll be one of them makes a mad grasp for a busker’s lin artist who now has three Meteor awards of the headlining acts at guitar, before running off after his mate, under his belt, and whose most recent album the UCD ball this week. laughing at his own genius. The busker ‘Shots’, has gone to platinum after entering the He’s fond of the college, though, is well used to it, and shrugs the Irish album charts at number one. and thinks his past gigs here incident off with a knowing nod to Paddy Damien however, whose primary mode of “were brilliant, some great gigs. Casey, who is plying his trade not far off. transport is still the bus, is keeping his feet It’s defi nitely part of the reason “Times were tough” when Damien Demp- well and truly on the ground. “For me, it’s not I decided to come back. I can’t sey’s was starting out as a young busker, really about winning awards although it’s nice wait.” there were “no Meteor awards back then. that a lot of people voted for me. If I never sold From about fourteen onwards I was singing.” another album I’d still be doing what I’m doing. Damien Dempsey will play the Although when asked if people where listen- The music, for me, is a necessity.” UCD Ball on April 27 and his ing back then he jokes “no, not really. It took He’s clearly very appreciative of the success new live album is out this a while.” he’s had. When asked if the fame and all its June It was hard for Dempsey to get a break trimmings sat well with him, his clear under- because he doesn’t necessarily fi t the Louis standing of how lucky he has been is refresh- Walsh, boy band mould. “When I was com- ing. “I don’t mind it. There are a lot worse things ing up, the industry and charts were kind of I could be doing. My family owns a motor place; swamped, and you really couldn’t get a look they’d be under a car eight hours a day. I ap- in. Pop music and manufactured bands had preciate not having to work as hard as that.” the whole thing swamped. I felt a bit angry Clearly an artist of some depth, he tries because of this, so I wrote a few songs to get to “look at a situation and document it with it off my chest. a song. If I feel strongly about something I’ll “Nowadays I think it’s changed a bit, artists speak out against it. That’s what the musicians like myself are just making our own albums, I was into done, like Christy Moore, Sinead because it’s so easy to record an album at O’Connor, Luke Kelly and Bob Marley. They home now. I think that’s a good thing, it’s spoke out against things they felt were wrong. empowering artists like me, people who big That’s who I’d look up to, they were my teach- ers. I’d consider myself a pupil of these great artists.” Other songs used Dempsey’s recent album includes a song called ‘colony’, which critically documents his- to help me through torical colonialism but he is more than aware of its contemporary relevance. He feels “it’s still hard times so I’d going on today, in Afghanistan, Iraq, Lebanon like to think that and Palestine. Those people are sort of being colonised now. I was doing the “I felt it was relevant that history was repeat- ing itself, and there are lessons to be learnt same for other from the past, our past mistakes. You can’t be going around to other people’s land and just people now, the taking it from them, and killing them then if younger kids they try to stand up.” Also, with songs like ‘Party on’ and ‘Not on your own tonight’, Dempsey is trying to bring a positive message to his audi- ence. He admits that “so many people come up to me, and say these songs have gotten them through some hard times in their lives. I think music can get you through some hard times in your life. I feel I have something to say to the kids, something true you know, in the lyrics. “Other songs used to help me through hard times so I’d like to think that I was doing the same for other people now, the younger kids.” Despite his confi rmed celebrity status, Damien wasn’t too sure about commit- ting himself to something like ‘Celeb- rity Jigs and Reels 2’, “I often make a fool of myself dancing around in night clubs but I don’t know about doing it in front of a camera.” Although the prospect of a good looking female tutor makes Dempsey reconsider “well, maybe with a few pints on me. I’d need the bit of Dutch courage though.” College Tribune 16 MUSIC 20.04.06 Music For the People, By the People The founder of some of Dublin’s most popular live music nights, Keiron Black, talks to Alan Tully about King Kong, the joys of roasting potatoes and being a member of Morrissey’s “favourite band” Sack. One of the permanent fi xtures of headline in Pravda for the Hard Work- played solo gigs around the city sup- Wednesday nights in Pravda on Liffey ing Class Heroes Festival and she got to porting Matt Lunson and Sack, a band Street over the last year is a manic record at Westlane Studios,” enthuses lauded by Morrissey. Then by a twist of suit and bowl hat wearing American Keiron. fate Black became Sack’s bassist. getting the crowds pumped up for “This year we have most of that and “One day we were all together doing Dublin’s latest musical hopefuls. we have a couple of new ideas. The one of their press releases. The pho- Keiron Black has been running the winner in August would get to play at tographer from Hotpress asked who I “Be- ‘King Kong Club’ night since April 2005 Electric Picnic and we would fi t together was and Tony, the drummer, said, ‘this fore the with the aim of providing a public plat- a small record deal for them. Tiger Beer is Keiron Black our new bass player.’ King Kong form for anyone capable of strumming has been really good to us and usually Apparently that was my audition for Club we started a few chords, beating a drum or hitting funds all the prizes.” the group. Since then we’ve also got with The Sunday two spoons together in time. Keiron’s history has been one of a a second guitarist and there is a huge Roast. It’s a night run by “We deck Pravda out with decorations great journey across America and a life backlog of songs we’ve been working John Brereton, Sack’s guitarist and my- up-and-coming singers like Chris Morrin and we play the original King Kong fi lm amid Ireland’s rock n roll subculture over on for about a year.” self. Over the last few years we were and James Guilmartin. on the screen with free bananas for eve- the last few years. Initially born in New Apart from his musical endeavours, based in Bia Bar. We had some awe- “Overall it’s a great night for singers, ryone. You can steal one and have it at York and raised in Arizona, he moved Keiron runs three of Dublin’s most suc- some nights. We had a 24 hour party bands and the audience and I cook roast breakfast the next morning, for potassi- to Seattle at the height of the grunge cessful live music nights of the last there once with acts playing all day and potatoes for a homely effect. When we um, you know? We have a clap-o-meter period. decade. all night between the beer garden and did the fi rst few in Spi we had to cook the that measures applause, so obviously “That was hilarious,” Keiron chuckles, the venue.” spuds at the Hub and run them all the the more friends you bring the better “I turned up there to make music, but I I turned up there to “More regularly though, every Sunday way up to the venue, but it was worth it. chances you have of winning,“ says the never even knew that Seattle had such make music, but I we have four acts showcased. Some re- Nowadays the Sunday Roast is based MC. He then offers a few good reasons a big rock tradition. I was just chancing never even knew that ally big names have been involved like in Thomas Read’s on Dame Street. Its to get involved. my arm in a strange city.” Seattle had such a we’ve had Gemma Hayes, Steve Wall, getting bigger and bigger.” “The winner gets €100 and a chance He played a couple of bands, The big rock tradition. I Declan O’Rourke, Mundy, Matt Lun- For more information on the nights to compete in the fi nal for a great prize. New Bohemians in the mid-90s and later was just chancing my son, and funnily enough James Blunt email Keiron Black at sundayroast@ Last year Heather Thompson won and with US college radio favourites Idol right before his single came out,” he hotmail.com and kingkongclub1@ she got to play the Speigeltent and Minds. Now based in Dublin he initially arm in a strange city declares, listing the names along with hotmail.com ‘It’s like finding something Film studios won’t hesitate to use the pretty in a jar of flies’ ‘sequel’ as a money making tool THE SHOUT OUT LOUDS 19> THE GREATEST FILM SEQUELS 20> DISTRACTIONS FASHION 17 FILM 20 MUSIC 18 HEALTH 21 REGULARS 22 THE TURBINE 24 BAG it

SHE’S THE MAN Amanda Bynes’ move to the big screen has Josh Delaney / 2 Arts been a massive success. Check out this hilari- What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this ous movie about a girl who is transformed into year? Tracksuit bottoms tucked into ugg boots. / What her brother so that she can play on the boys’ fashion trend on girls do you not understand? Orange soccer team. Once again she shows that, de- fake tan / What’s the one think you think but would never spite what society would have you would be- say to a girl? “You don’t look as good as you think” lieve, girls really are better than boys (sic).

CROPPED WHITE JACKETS Invest in a cute short jacket cos’ we guarantee you that they’re going to be huge this summer. What Men It’s always nice to see white during the summer Anto Kelly & Tom Fox and these jackets are perfect for those long hot What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this year? summer nights. Really Want Tom: A short skirt on a freezing day. Anto: Boxer shorts under a skirt / What fashion trend on girls do you not understand? EXAMS You think you know... Tom: Tanorexia. Anto: Stripes! / What would you like to see girls Might as well be positive about the inevitable. wear? Tom: “Nothing.” Anto: “Your ass does look big in that.” The time has come to face up to the truth and but you have no idea get those heads stuck in the books. Get it over and done with now, rather than having to face The College Tribune’s intrepid fashion squad them again in August. hit the concourse to ask the boys of UCD what they really think of the fairer sex BIN it THE LIBRARY What a pain in the face, not only do we now have to queue to get into the horrible library, but with exams fast approaching, now we also have to do about ten laps of the building to find a decent seat. Ugh!!! Peter Coonan / 2 Arts What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wearing this year? Andrew Nolan / Computer Science THE WEATHER The freaky Science birds on Science Day in their lab coats. / What’s What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen a girl wear this year? Granny clothes / What do like to see girls wear? Baggy It’s supposed to be summer! Would it be too the one fashion trend on girls you just don’t understand? Girls who clothes / What’s the one thing you think but would never say much to ask for a full week of non stop sun, wear a sick amount of make-up. / What’s the one think you think but to your girlfriend? “I fancy your sister.” no clouds and no rain, just pure sun? Pretty would never say to your girlfriend? “I fancy your aul’ one.” please! Pheilim O Neill / 3 Arts BEBO What’s the weirdest item of clothing you’ve seen a girl Seriously, give it up! There is nothing worse than wearing this year? Girls wearing hobos. / What’s the one fashion trend on girls you just don’t understand? waiting over an hour for a computer because Girls wearing fat. / What’s the one thing you think but a room full of losers have nothing better to with would never say to a girl? “Any chance of a tug?” their time than stalk other people via Bebo. DDoo YouYou LikeLike SSmallmall Balls?Balls? with... 118th8th EEmpirempire AAlanlan TTullyully DDermotermot LLooneyooney TThehe AAristocratsristocrats

SUPPORTED BY Ball SSmallmFFundraiseraunldl rBallaiser STUDENT BAR IL - 8PM - €5 Donnybrook WEDNESDAY 19TH APR College Tribune 20.04.06 MUSIC 19 Pool’ing Resources, ha ha ha

Kingsley Kelly talks to Ken from 8Ball about an out-dated Irish music industry and the diffi culty in bringing new music to fruition.

“It’s a struggle from start to fi nish to pretty much everything else, 8Ball to get anything. The Arts Coun- collaborate to build a huge frame for cil doesn’t want to know you; it gorgeous organic songs. doesn’t fall into their category of However, dissatisfi ed with the re- funding. The government doesn’t ception to their album 8Ball will be do enough to push Irish music. looking to change their sound. They’ve U2 are the biggest selling band moved on from their previous contract in the world and they’re Irish. and are hoping to come “back with a There is some great talent here.” bang” this summer. 8ball’s self-titled debut was tipped They’re booked for Electric Picnic as the best Irish album of 2005. It and Bud Rising, and boast a storming probably was. If you haven’t heard live set. The band incorporates sam- of them, you’re in a huge majority. ples, DJing, good old-fashioned gui- Irish bands don’t sink without a tars and instrument swapping to cre- trace, or crash and burn. ate a sound reminiscent of Gomez and They don’t have the chance. 8ball Beck, as well as the Doves or Elbow. have had a top 30 hit in the single As a band in need of recognition, chart. Their album was eclectic, but downloading isn’t seen as a problem. so are The Flaming Lips, so are Clap It’s a problem for the industry, not for Your Hands Say Yeah, Franz Ferdi- bands. “Bands themselves don’t re- nand and many other bands that are ally make that much out of albums, currently lighting up the charts and the money is made out of touring, un- selling boat loads of records. less you’re at a certain level, like say Why? Why is Ireland, a country Metallica. They’re at the level where Strummin: Three guys playing guitar, one guy on a keyboard and another on drums. Combined they are 8Ball ta da with a rich musical heritage unable to you don’t need the money and they’re push a native band that’s bigger than bringing Napster to court. The industry their Government. Irish music isn’t go- fans. Playing with David Kitt, who they make the hype machine in the UK. The Frames. “Irish people stand back, still doesn’t have its’ head around it.” ing to solve itself, it doesn’t need to. apparently couldn’t get enough of. Then people fi nd you are from Ireland. they’re not as responsive to the music. Irish music doesn’t need the bands, it Compare this to 8Balls response in 8Bll can name the single person who You have to build enough support to They don’t get behind it as much.” has the same number of people plug- Germany, where with a lot of hard gave them all the help from IMRA. The tour the UK, to make it in Ireland.” Drawing from a huge background ging away on guitars as the UK, yet work they managed to get two gigs Irish Times gave them the same rating n 8Balls eponymous album is out now. of music, Drum n’ Bass (the special- apart from BellX1, it’s damn hard to see to promote Irish music. The clubs as the Strokes, but the fact is that the (That means self-titled in case you didn’t ity of their DJ Cormac who walked in it. What do they have that we don’t? (Old Soviet Union Dancehalls!) we’re Irish Charts count for nothing. know. Ergo their album is called 8Ball, as to do some remixing and never left) Nothing, except the willing support of literally fi lled to the brim with excited “You don’t make it in Ireland, you are the band) A Big Loud Shout Out

Liz-Ann Kirwan checks out the Shout Out Louds and hollers back on a veritable musical love-in

At their recent gig in Whelans, kicking off the Although, there was one point, as Olenius and Ted But without focusing too much on the fi - BudRising Spring Festival, Swedish band Malmros (bassist) tried to move their mics closer nances, the performance itself was a real the Shout Out Louds took the gathering by together, while playing and singing, and it looked like treat. Professional and yet individual, these storm. Their fi rst time to play in Ireland; the things were going to go awry with a cascade of mi- friendly tunesters presented a repertoire of band were lively, excited and engaged in their crophones and cables. But this was deftly avoided, songs in which melody is tightly bound and the performance. and with evident humour, the show went on. lyrics are carried to the listener in a purity and Opening with ‘The Comeback’, the Shout Out Fast-paced as this performance was, it exuded a simplicity that is all their own. Louds went straight for the jugular, animating the personality of its own. Essentially, a great sense of Their songs in essence relate to a state audience as they crushed toward the stage in a wall friendliness emanated from the band themselves of love in which there is that recurring fear of worship. which transferred to those listening; like old friends that one’s love is perhaps unrequited, or Consisting of four boys and one girl, this veritable assembled together. that it will be. It is a simple human irration- music machine hurled out song after song with en- Afterwards, members mingled with the crowd, in ality well conveyed, and thus uplifting. ergy and perfect timing. some instances almost overwhelmed by over-zeal- In a time when so many (often un- Lead vocalist Adam Olenius’ unmistakable love- ous fans, but for the most part chatty and relaxed, worthy) bands are lauded as the new- lorn timbre steered the course from one song to the even if Eric Edman (drummer) complained amicably est sound, and the charts are habitually next, including the hits ‘Very Loud’, ‘100°’ and ‘Please that he was feeling, “a little sweaty” after it all. dominated by soulless fabrications, the Please Please’. Their début album Howl Howl Gaff Gaff, has been Shout Out Louds provide a reminder Playing together since 2001, the Shout Out Louds described by NME as “the most instantly likeable that there are those who can create have developed a seamless cohesion that is not false album of the year” and this could be expanded to good music, make listeners happy or studied but natural and progressive. This is an include the band itself. and remain un-phased by the inevi- extension of the notion that they are working from a Those in the crowd who were recent devotees table hype that surrounds being in basis where the music they play together is the main were instantly sparkling with a spirit of immense the limelight. focus, and not their image, nor their message. goodwill towards the musicians. One convert re- To sum them up, there is no bet- And perhaps that is the message; things should marked that the evening had been “the best fi fteen ter way than by quoting their own be natural. This certainly comes across. One look euro I have spent in a long time”, and indeed, in a words? “It’s like fi nd- between band members and any minor hitch was city renowned for exorbitant prices in all areas of ing something rectifi ed with the least amount of fuss or fumbling, commerce, this performance certainly seemed to pretty in a jar of as the music continued. be a bargain. fl ies”. College Tribune 20 DISTRACTIONS 20.04.06 FILM Movie sequels can be great, they who have seen it have discussed the allow us to see more of characters wonderfully gory deaths with their fel- we have grown to love in an origi- low fans. nal fi lm, they expand and build on So then, even if the original fi lm was an original storyline, and they allow a little dodgy, the sequel can be pulled impractically lengthy stories like The out of the bag. However, such instants Lord of the Rings to reach the big are so rare that they probably wouldn’t screen. be suffi cient to save the sequel in the However, they can also, and in a lot of eyes of fi lm fans if they were the only cases do, serve to absolutely sodomise ones of any merit. the original movie. Neither would fi lms which are made The question is, overall, are sequels up of one central story but split into more worth the bother? Obviously the fi lm stu- than one movie in order to make them dios which make big bucks from even practical, save face for the sequel. the crummiest of them would argue that One could not consider The Two Tow- they are, but what do we enlightened ers or Return of the King sequels in the movie lovers think? true sense of the word for they are in no There is a cruel irony which is inex- way independent from the original Lord tricably linked with our lives, we always of the Rings. The same could be argued want, and will always want, that which with the fi rst two Godfather movies and will make us unhappy. If we don’t have more recently Quinton Tarantino’s Kill it we are unhappy because we want it, Bill duo. For a fi lm to be a true sequel it and when we get it we inevitably discov- must be produced after its predecessor er that the grass is, ultimately, always has been completed. greener on the other side. Admittedly however, there are excep- Not to get all Sylvia Plathish on you, tions to this ‘curse of the sequel’, and this dark ceiling does have a star, all good fi lms can come in more than one you have to do is have no expectations installment. We will all have our own ex- whatsoever, or even better, have awfully amples here, but classic movies such low expectations, and then you won’t be as My Girl or Home Alone have shown disappointed. You might have noticed that given the right ingredients, fi lms can however, that those things which you do last the distance. Although in the latter’s look forward to, tend in a lot of cases to case, producing a third installment was end up being, well, rather shit. probably going that bit too far. In this way movie sequels might be Ultimately, bad fi lms in themselves are seen to be rather representative of life any harm, so in theory we could always in general, that is, the ones we look for- just pick out what we consider to be the ward to generally disappoint us. good sequels and ignore the others. The The fear which the release of Basic problem however, is the negative effect Instinct 2 has placed in the hearts of Repetition these follow up duds have on their pred- those who loved the original is then, far ecessors. Bad sequels don’t necessarily from surprising. Although, reservations damage the original but when they do, aside, you can be sure it will be those the effects can be shattering. same people who are fi rst in line at the Who now would still claim to love the cinemas to see it. or Encore? Matrix, after Reloaded and Revolutions Although Basic Instinct was probably have come to destroy any intelligence a fi lm more suited to home viewing than or respectability the fi rst installment had. a packed cinema. Barra Ó’Fianail asks whether sequels are just another way The eagerness with which the latter two The fi lm which shot Sharon Stone into for jaded movie companies to make a quick and lazy buck or fi lms were anticipated is testament to the the big league, would, you might think, regard in which the original was held, hold a particularly sacred spot in the ac- a valid and constructive form of fi lmmaking and the evaporation of the last shreds tress’ heart at least, yet she agreed to of regard for the collection is testament make a second one. While it could be Even the soundtrack was impressive However, it does illustrate the point you never really held out much hope for, to the effect which bad sequels can po- argued that she may well have wanted with songs from The Verve, Placebo and that fi lm studios won’t hesitate to use because the original didn’t exactly set tentially have. to make this fi lm because of the regard The Manic Street Preachers. Basically, the ‘sequel’ as a money making tool. So, your world alight, can pleasantly sur- Likewise, who would believe that way in which she holds its predecessor the its clear the project had a lot of effort and caution is advised and we must handle prise you. back when, in 1970, the Oscar for ‘Best more cynical, and perhaps more plau- care behind it. these movies with extreme care. The use of Final Destination as an Film’ went to the original Rocky fi lm. sible view would be that her motivations And then came its supposed prequel, To strain the metaphor to its absolute example here may upset a lot of people, That collection of fi ve, and soon to be were mainly fi nancial. and even the studio from which it came limits, those events which we don’t ea- as the original was quite popular. six, scandalously similar movies which Looking at the anecdotal evidence, couldn’t argue that it was anything but gerly anticipate, can provide the happi- However, it was intended to be scary we all love in theory but wouldn’t watch there have certainly been a lot of cases a lazy, excruciatingly limp, waste of reel, est of surprises when they do grab our and it wasn’t. Not to be macho, when if they were on television, started off as of blatant fi nancial exploitation of good albeit an effective way of making more attention. Like, for example, bumping it comes to fi lms, this student is a big- a project stamped with the Academy’s quality fi lms by way of making a se- money from the original fi lm’s popularity. into, and scoring, the entire female cast ger bitch than Graham Norton, but it’s highest accolade. quel, with the sole aim of making more Unlike the earlier work, it lacked anyone of Sin City (Jessica Alba twice). doubtful that fi rst installment had too At the end of the day, fi lm corporations money. in the cast who might loosely be referred In the same way movie sequels which many people working away on their fi n- will continue to make sequels in order to Take the shockingly shite Cruel Inten- to as an actor, and the ‘script’ may well gernails. make money on the back of the suc- tions 2, high up in the running for the have been written by a troubled, gothic, Film studios won’t The second installment however, re- cess of original works. These sequels worst fi lm of all time. and wholly untalented teenager. hesitate to use the ally managed to have the desired effect. will continue to be very hit or miss, be- To actually call the sequel a ‘fi lm’ To be fair, if all sequels were as bad ‘sequel’ as a money All pretences of it being a horror movie cause the industry will know that, even if would be generous, especially after as that one, they wouldn’t last very long were dropped and they went into over- they’re fi lth, they’ll make money. Cruel Intentions, which offered so much. as a concept as nobody would pay to making tool. So, drive with their exotic methods of killing Us fi lm lovers will just have to con- It had a group of young actors which see them anymore. Bringing up Cruel caution is advised off their characters. You tell me you’ve tinue to ignore the bad ones, appreciate have gone on to prove themselves in Intentions 2 then, is perhaps unfair and we must handle seen a guy get sliced into three differ- those wonderful few which do surprise Hollywood, and a script that saw the fi lm to sequels generally, as it is certainly these movies with ent pieces by a fl ying fence before, no, us, and mourn for the original works develop a massive cult status following scrapping the absolute southern most didn’t think so. The fi lms’ merits can be which are fatally tainted by their sloppy its DVD release. point of the barrel. extreme care quantifi ed by the amount of times those seconds. College Tribune 20.04.06 HEALTH 21 Holiday health

If a little time is spent on some careful planning, the experience of travelling can prove very rewarding. For those of you lucky enough to be leaving Ireland this summer, Caitríona Gaffney has some very helpful hints

It’s only a matter of days before the through bites from infected insects. exams start, and for most students Malaria, Dengue Fever and Japanese the only thing getting you through B Encephalitis are all mosquito borne the late nights of last minute cram- diseases. It is important to avoid get- ming are the thoughts of freedom. ting bitten by insects. Whether you and your buddies are Malaria is a disease that can kill. heading Stateside, trekking through The incubation period is 10-28 days, remote parts of South America, but can last as long as, and longer or volunteering in a developing than, 2 months. The main symptoms country the best way to enjoy the of include: fever, sweating, shivering experience is to stay safe with the and headaches. If you suspects that following helpful travel hints. you may have Malaria seek medical First things fi rst. Before leaving for advice urgently. This applies even if your chosen destination photocopy the symptoms begin to show a year your passport and airline tickets. Keep later. a copy for yourself and a second copy The best way to avoid getting bitten to leave at home with your parents. In is to cover up with long and loose fi t- the event of either items being stolen ting clothes once the sun begins to set. this will make getting a replacement Insect repellent on exposed skin will easier. Do not carry your passport to- also help, but make sure not to spray gether with your tickets; always keep on your face or apply to eyelids or lips. them separate from each other. Clothing may also be treated for extra Travelling to foreign lands can be protection. Insect repellent containing a cultural experience. For those of 35-55% DEET is most preferable and you visiting more tropical locations there is also a high-quality natural re- this summer there are a multitude of pellent called Mosiguard. vaccinations you must avail of. Before Perfume, aftershave and deodorant travelling consult your doctor to see also attract insects. Try using the non which vaccinations are required for perfumed variety to deter the little bug- Take extra care if you have pale or Don’t forget your eyes, they are the commodation, travelling partners and your intended destination. gers. Sleeping in an air conditioned freckled skin that doesn’t tan or burns window to your soul and also need to general plans. While abroad enjoy the local culinary room or under a mosquito net will also fi rst, then tans. If you’re hair is natu- be protected! Wear sunglasses that delicacies but note the following pre- help. Nets should be tucked in early rally red or fair and you have blue or give high protection against UV rays. Hotel Safety cautions regarding food and drink. in the day and can be treated with in- grey eyes, you should also be careful Check out the label and note the stand- This is an important tip whether secticide for extra protection. Special of the sun. People with a large number ard: BS Standard (BS 27 24 19 87) or you are travelling alone or in the Food Safety outdoor nets are highly recommended of moles should also ensure extra pro- European Standard (EN 1836). company of others. Precautions for camping. tection for their skin when exposed to n Use only your fi rst initial when n Eat fruit you can peel by your- those harmful UV rays. Tips for female checking in self and don’t eat from street Swimming Safety Again, like the mosquito bites the travellers n Avoid a room on the ground vendors Statistically, most accidents occur best way to avoid sun burn is by cov- Always carry tampons- When your fl oor or on the same fl oor as n Beware of ice-cream from unreli- in, or around, water. Becoming ering up. Wearing a fashionable wide- monthly fl ow visits you, the last reception. able sources and boil unpasteur- familiar with local currents, tides, brimmed hat will protect your neck, thing you need is to be caught n If you feel that someone is ised milk rip tides and safe swimming zones shoulders and face from the dangers out in a foreign land without any watching you or following you n Avoid shellfi sh, salads and raw is recommended. Chlorinated swim- posed by the sun. Shirts with a close- tampons. And even if you don’t don’t be modest, return to the vegetables ming pools are usually safe to swim weave will also block out the sun’s need them, someone else will be front desk immediately and alert n Avoid dishes containing raw eggs in, but it is never advisable to swim dangerous rays. only too relieved to use your emer- security. or under cooked meat / fi sh after a heavy meal or after you have However, you can also cover up gency stash. n Leave a television on even if you n Try to eat fresh hot cooked foods. been drinking alcohol. with sunscreen. Use a sunscreen Bra pockets- Most of you reading are going out. Choose thinly cut slices of prop- Do not swim in fresh water rivers that has a sun protection factor (SPF) this would never have considered your n Never leave your key where erly cooked meats. and lakes in Central Africa, Arabian 15 or higher. Be sure that it has UVA wonderbra as a place to hide your as- someone can see your room Peninsula and parts of South East and UVB protection. The higher the sets, I mean valuable possessions. number. Water Health Tips Asia, unless it has been confi rmed SPF number, the greater protection Bras with demi pockets can hold more n Always use bottled water, even that there is no schistosomiasis (Bil- provided. Apply thickly and evenly 20 just than padding! In the worst case Protecting Your Privacy for brushing your teeth. Don’t harzia) present in the water. Beware minutes before going out in the sun scenario where you do get mugged Do not become a friend of the gargle in the shower of jelly fi sh and sea urchins. If you do and reapply every 2 hours or more if and are asked to empty out your friendless. If you are travelling alone n Avoid ice in your drinks stand on a sea urchin, try to remove you have been in the water or sweat- pockets, having money hidden away avoid talking to any dodgy people. n Check seals on bottles before the entire spine. ing. in your bra could save your trip. Simply When a man comes up and asks you drinking. If in doubt, use carbon- The parts of your body that are not remove the pads and slip the money - 'Is this your fi rst time in ______?', it ated water Sunsmart used to sun exposure are likely to burn inside the pockets to out smart those is the fi rst step in sizing you up. Say, n Clean the bottle neck before you Sunburn is never fun, so be sure to more easily. Take extra care of your nasty thieves. “NO.” And then get away from him. drink from it or use a straw bring plenty of sunscreen and use nose, ears, neck, bald patches, hands Don’t keep your travel plans a That’s not to say that everyone who n Be safe in the knowledge that it! Apart from getting burned, over and feet. Remember, the only safe secret - Sometimes it might feel right travels alone is out to get you, but minerals and local beers are exposure to the sun can also cause tan is a fake tan. not to tell anyone where you are going. for the sake of safety, avoid a Brigid usually safe permanent skin damage and in later Avoid being in the sun between However, it is in your own best interest Jones situation whereby drugs are n If trekking through remote areas life lead to skin cancer. Damage to 11am and 3pm. This is when the sun to keep your friends informed of your planted in your bags and you have to and bottled water is unavailable, the skin builds up over the years- is at its strongest and likely to cause whereabouts at all times. If you are go- spend the rest of your days in some boil it, treat it, fi lter it or leave it. that means damage to the skin in the most skin damage. If you must be ing to be travelling from place to place, Thai prison awaiting death. one year is added to damage done out during these hours, shelter under always inform and update at least one Many tropical diseases are picked up in previous years. a parasol or in the shade. person of the information on your ac- BON VOYAGE!!! College Tribune

22 REGULARS 20.04.06

D L

THIS WEEK R LEAVING COLLEGE O W It’s been emotional ladies and in Japan-Korea leading to the staff Where once he couldn’t walk from ago are now gentlemen, but this article will closing the bar. Merville to the Sports Centre without insignifi cant. Your R ’ S mark the end of my College Trib- He remembers his fl irtation with stopping for chats on several occa- columnist and his con- U D une career and also my last tie the political world during those awe- sions, the trip from Glenomena was temporaries exchange raised with UCD. Many of you won’t care, some few days in 2003 when Paul made in minutes. eyebrows and knowing glances before; disillusioned with the paper most of you aren’t reading and Dillon and Aidan Regan were elect- when it sees second years being he hung up his boots. He’d like to those who are will have stopped ed in a massive swing to the left and He drank lots, dragged into Students’ Union poli- think that his return has been pro- by the time this paragraph has in the tide of emotion, he felt that he studied little tics, They know better now. lifi c, that it resembles Alan Shearer. ended. was on the political track. They know that when it comes to In truth, a modest man that he is, As an eighteen year old youth, Having been kicked out of Coy- but came out on applying for jobs your degree means it is more like Maradona’s ill-fated wet behind the ears and slightly ote for chairing the President elect top. He likes to very little, particularly when it comes sojourn at Sevilla. Unspectacular. overawed by the sheer greyness around on his shoulders, it was all from the Faculty of Arts. The fact that He left UCD some months ago but of the Belfi eld campus, your trusted downhill in a political vogue. Reality think he beat the you got involved counts for a lot. like a smell, he lingered. The end of columnist began life in college in- bit. Things didn’t change and politics system. Perhaps It’s scary to realise that one day the College Tribune’s year heralding auspiciously. really is quite dull once the election it’s just that the we’ll probably be looking at James the departure. Like most students, He has seen many things happen, is over, Carroll TD, watching Michael Clark it’s clear that in two years time no both within and without the confi nes He moved on, living in Merville system isn’t very on Questions and Answers. At least one in UCD will know who he is, It’s of the campus. On his second day, and meeting new people. He drank good and is quite we can take comfort from the fact a cyclical place. men fl ew planes into the Twin Tow- lots, studied little but came out on that Dave Curran will always be the More prominent people than him ers in New York and some weeks top. He likes to think he beat the easily beaten SU Deputy President. have been forgotten and could prob- later, the War on Terror hit UCD system. Perhaps it’s just that the The trick to UCD is the ability to ably return, anonymous to a popu- when people in white jump suits in- system isn’t very good and is quite The faces were unfamiliar, the escape. It’s a comfortable place, a lation who were whippersnappers vestigated suspected anthrax in the easily beaten. girls too young to fancy. On gradua- trap from which your own self-impor- when they strolled around Belfi eld. Admin building. With that stunning victory over the tion night the familiar faces from the tance is easily infl ated. If you stay Thus, he must bid his readers He wasn’t in the bar when a stu- man, his degree secured, he chose library resurfaced, only heightening too long you end up disconnected adieu. It’s been swell, and those of dent got a blowjob during Fresher’s not to conquer the world but to re- the fact that college had moved on. from everyone. Older than all the you patient enough to put up with Week but he knows thousands who main and do a Masters that took up a Viewing the college from the eyes students you try and befriend but this self indulgent piece of writing were. He was there on the bar’s monumental two hours of his week. of the student media is an interest- unable to relate to people your own are to be thanked and applauded. greatest day, the euphoria from Ire- He grew old in UCD. UCD grew old ing way to do it. Things that seemed age who have jobs. I’d have turned the page paragraphs land’s qualifi cation for the World Cup to him. important and interesting two years Your columnist had a go at retiring ago.

BY EOIN THINGS I HATE ABOUT... MAC AODHA 10 UGLY PEOPLE Ugly people think differently to us attrac- In all honesty it’s a lose-lose situation for the aes- back cos’ my face is already a wreck’. tive people and in general they’re all sick. thetically inept. Dress like you wish you were good 10 THEIR POLITICS looking and you look both ugly and like a spa. Dress THE WAY ONES THAT THINK ugly and you look even uglier. As noted lose-lose, 2 An ugly person is more likely to be a right wing it’s nature’s way of telling you that you’re a minger. THEY TALK fascist than a good looking person. Also note the 7 THEY LOOK GOOD It’s not pikey, in comparison pikey is an ancient manner in which they have taken over the Fianna THE WAY and rich language. Ugly is an abhorrent mix of Fail party. Ugly people should act a certain way. They should pseudo-intellectualism and gankish American not pretend they’re good looking. There is abso- 4 THEY JUMP sci-fi programmes. Note all ugly people have to THEIR PAEDOPHILIC lutely nothing worse than an absolute bouwler who at least pretend to be smart because if they don’t thinks she’s hot. The same probably applies for an Ever watch an ugly person jump? It’s a heinous they’ve got nothing 9 TENDENCIES ugly bloke. crime against jumpers everywhere and defi les the decades of good work done by the jumping com- THE WAY Everybody knows that most paedophile’s are ugly. THE WAY THEY munity. These people have no shame 1 THEY LOOK There’s no smoke without fi re 6 TELL JOKES THE WAY Minger, Bouwler, In bits, in batz, wrote off, wrecked, THE WAY Ag Science student. These are just some of the The only thing worse than an ugly person trying to 3 THEY SIT words to describe ugly people. The reason there 8 THEY THINK be funny is an ugly paedophile telling a joke about are so many of them is this is a particularly salient a child he molested. Ugly people have a repulsive way of sitting. issue that needs to be stamped out. It’s a well known fact that ugly people think a Sprawled across the chair they mock us good Visit www.eradicateuglypeoplefromucd.com and certain way. It’ s usually disgusting and sick and THE WAY looking people as if saying ‘you can’t afford to get sign our petition to have all ugly people banned involves sordid scenarios with half dragon-elves in a fi ght with me cos’ I could damage your pre- from UCD. and Xena Warrior Princess. 5 THEY DRESS cious looks and I don’t care if you do the same Remember being ugly isn’t a choice. It’s wrong. College Tribune 20.04.06 REGULARS 23

BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

Dear Tribune, Dear Oliver, Dear Barry, I am utterly appalled in the manner with I think you’ve got the wrong letters page. which our ‘great’ leaders have glorifi ed The address you’re probably looking for For a minute there the wanton violence of 1916 for their is Geraldine Kennedy, The Irish Times, we though you were own political means. Fleet Street. going to say you Those men were essentially terrorists were in lover with who wilfully engaged in violence when a cow, or a horse or there were various options available to Dear Tribune, even a chicken and them. we were going to I’m all for taking anything off the I’m a Vets student and I have a problem. call you an utterly Shinners which threatens to give them Over the past while I’ve been doing my depraved political legitimacy but violence should rotations in the hospital and I’ve grown sicko. never be legitimised. quite fond of one of the patients. We’re not Likewise the preposterous show of She’s got beautiful, soft skin and a going to that strength by the Irish Army reminded me graceful personality. I’ve never seen now though. more of a vain attempt to rouse national anybody else carry themselves they way What you need to do, is wait for her to pride reminiscent of North Korea than a she does. I know I shouldn’t have these I just wish they hadn’t started taking get better and bam hit it up. If she’s got supposedly neutral democracy. feelings but I do and I can’t stop them. humans into the hospital to alleviate the something nasty it’s better you don’t go I know it’s ethically wrong, I really do, health crisis. near her anyway and if she doesn’t happy and that I’d be kicked out of my course days she’ll be better quicker. Yours, if anything happens but I’m in hell at the Yours in Despair, After all the service in the Vets hospital Oliver Cromwell moment. Barry Bowie can’t be any worse than the national ones. WARNING: LUNGING CAN BE DANGEROUS THE TRIBUNE GUIDE TO THE

LUNGE # 9: GOODBYE This is emotional. The last ever lunge. It’s over. It’s gone. The Lunge came out the other side. It feels vindicated, refreshed and We’ve done our best, we really have. We feel we’ve tried re-energised. to educate our loyal lungers in the best way possible. We’ve The Lunge recognises that you’re never too old to lunge, just that been told that people didn’t get this, that it wasn’t making it gets harder to fi nd willing compatriots. We’re not ruling out future sense to the ordinary student. We didn’t care. lunges mind, we’d never do that, it’s just that lunging goes hand in hand We’ve been self indulgent, we’ve used words even some of with a college education and once you leave you’ll never have the same the academic population didn’t understand. We don’t care. opportunities again. If one student got the score as a result of this article, used one The Lunge is a little sad about this but always knew it could never of our lunges on a night out, we feel it’s been a success. This last forever. It lunged with the best of them, tried as many moves as wasn’t populist, but an act of public service journalism. possible and won some and lost some. Throughout, it never forgot the We’re not sure if anyone even read our little fortnightly treat but cardinal rule of the lunge, you’ve got to be in to win. it’s clear that in sentiment, originality and awesomeness it was unsur- In its time it pulled off some amazing lunges, daring and innovative passed. It was a succulent feast. A little piece of magic in the world of and sometimes far ahead of its time, The Lunge has led the way for the mundane. those who value all that a third level education stands for. You see, lunging is important. The naysayers say that it objectifi es women, From the Palace, to Fireworks, to D2 to 92 to an occasional foray in but when they bat their eyelids at unsuspecting men in nightclubs, they encour- the Student Bar, The Lunge has been there, mixing it up and terrorising age the lunge. and titillating young women in equal measure. Within the ranks of the College Tribune, The Lunge has felt ostracised, victim- It can therefore hold its head up high, safe in the knowledge that its ised and hurt. It’s colleagues, perhaps resenting the unsurpassed vocabulary, have memory will always live on through the women dotted around the coun- turned. Jealousy, envy and insecurity reigned. It is only through the strength of will try, and indeed more exotic climes, who will regale their grandchildren and character that the Lunge was not cut and replaced by pictures of nice boys as an in generations to come of that fateful night they encountered the full and extension of the Health and Fashion section. terrible beauty of The Lunge. THE VOLUME XIX ISSUE X

N LY O URBINEL Entire Irish Army Turn out in L T I

It’s Satire, Stupid! T S Force for 1916 March Page 9

31p INSIDE A sentimental IRE-LAND OF ROGUES The CIA have placed Ireland along- goodbye: Page 2, side Iran, Syria and North Korea on their Axis of Evil after the 1916 commemorations in Dublin. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 A senior source in the Bush Whitehouse said that this type of glorifi cation of terror- ist violence rendered Ireland an unattrac- Bench warm tive proposition. The US have already grown tired of Ire- after a substitute land’s concerns over the transportation of prisoners or their ‘extraordinary rendition’ stands up. through Shannon. According to an National Security Coun- cil document seen by the Turbine, the UCD Ball kicked “march demonstrates the Irish Govern- ments lax attitude to terrorism and their into neighbour’s tacit approval of it.” Senior sources in the Pentagon have garden. confi rmed that the move is an attempt by the US to distance themselves from Ire- land. One source claimed, “we are in a war Gambling: My against terror, the men who perpetrated 1916 were terrorists and the Irish govern- Wayne Rooney ment are as a result condoning terror. We New Ally: Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defends rebellious Ireland can not be associated with any country who shame. condones terrorism.” Another senior source declared, ‘Ireland Taoiseach Bertie Ahern was having a pint Some Irish people are concerned as to is now damaged goods. The only thing they of Bass in Fagans. the consequences of being a rogue state. Belfield Park’s had going for them was an airport and a Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadine- UCD students have protested that they government who never questioned us. Now jad has condemned the US decision and won’t be able to buy clothes in Abercrom- attendance drops they’re international pariahs.” offered a hand of friendship to Ireland’s bie or travel on J1 visas. as man forgets to When told of the news by the Turbine, beleaguered leader. Brian Ormonde refused to comment. bring dog. British Army AG SCIENCE GOES CA-CAW The fi rst case of bird-fl u has been world in there. Brady is planning to build a force fi eld marches down reported in the Agricultural Science “The next thing I knew this alarm went around Ag Science to ward females off. building in UCD. off and there was a fella writhing around Provisional plans include a crack team of O’Connell St. The case is believed to have occurred last on the ground and foaming at the mouth. I Ag students wearing their county colours Friday when a woman unknowingly entered went to help him but then someone started armed with crucifi xes at the entrance. for a true 1916 the building. shouting at me, something like, ‘haven’t you The rurally inclined edifi ce has tradition- done enough damage, you jezebel’.” Commemoration. ally been a male only zone and a female The student, who is named Mossy and Not an Apology has not entered since an aborted attempt likes drinking in the Portobello bar is be- The Turbine would not like to take this in 1983 to hold a knitting class. lieved to be recovering. opportunity to apologise to Ag Science Ag Science students are allergic to wom- The fact that authorities were able to fi nd students for continuous jibes about their en and develop fl u-like symptoms upon any Case 0 made their job a lot easier according cleanliness, sexual prowess and looks. Bebo owners contact. to Michael Murtagh, a man, and leader of The Turbine stands by these generalisa- It is not known what the girl was doing Irelands response to bird fl u. tions. launch inquiry in the building although after an extensive “The fact that we had her, like, in custody, trawl of the building Services eventually made all of our lives a lot easier. So Mossy Hugh we love you into person who found her at the reception area. will be grand and he’ll back supping pints The Turbine would like to take this op- The woman who is know only as Case 0, in the Porto in no time. Or maybe Coppers, portunity to tell Hugh we love him and hasn’t joined. was brought to Donnybrook Garda station that’s up to Mossy.” we think he’s great and that he shouldn’t and charged under public order charges. “As for yer wan, we’ll wait and see but she listen to what anyone else says that he’s Speaking to the Turbine, Case 0 said, “I won’t be wandering off to look at collections perfect the way he is and that he’s right, just can’t get my head around it all. I didn’t of wood anytime soon, we can assure you change isn’t always down to an inferiority mean to hurt anyone. I was just going home of that, surely.” complex or the need to accommodate for and I remember someone told me they had Unsubstantiated rumours have defi ni- something. Weather: or not? a fi ne collection of wood from all around the tively informed the Turbine that Hugh High Five Hugh College Tribune 20.04.06 SPORT 25 DOWN THE LINE An awesome proposition

Ruaidhri O’Connor looks forward to the Heineken Cup clash of Munster vs Leinster. A game guaranteed to excite

What sports lover isn’t relishing inspired backline? These questions the prospect? A European semi- won’t be answered until 5pm on Sat- fi nal in Dublin. Contested by two urday, but they continue to titillate and Irish teams. One is considered fascinate nonetheless. representative of bloated bour- In one way this is almost an Ireland geois extravagance, the other a trial game. With Jamie Heaslip grow- down to earth symbol of union and ing in stature every week of the sea- togetherness. son, it will be interesting to see how he Limerick and South Dublin may exist copes with the abrasiveness of Mun- on the same map, but they are poles ster’s back row forwards. Heaslip has apart. Economically, socially and even legitimate claims on the Irish number linguistically it’s hard to fathom that eight jersey, he faces the old master these places are a part of the same and the incumbent on Saturday. He’s nation. looked the part before and this could This clash means so much. It offers cement his claims. so much. From personal clashes on Having conquered Toulouse in their the pitch to the battle on the terraces. own backyard, Leinster face a very The fi erce passion of Munster against different proposition at Lansdowne. Barry Murphy: How will Munster fare without him? the supposed laissez faire approach of Instead of the hands of Yannick Jauz- the Leinster brigade. ion, they must contend with the legs Leinster have suffered at the hands things anyway. It was a notable depar- to simply keep the ball. Their defence It’s a dichotomy of Irish sport and of David Wallace. They must stop of Munster’s epic relationship with the ture and as the season has progressed is excellent, but when Leinster faced a is up there with the All Ireland fi nal in Munster’s driving maul, vie with their Heineken Cup in terms of their com- this philosophy has born fruit. similar proposition in Bath, they blitzed terms of stature and resonance. The nous and trickery and Ronan O’Gara’s parative performance and a perceived They are now a changed team. Their the English side. Ryder Cup may take place in Kildare ability to pin them back. lack of heart. The talent lies in Lein- esprit de corps and joie de vivre fi t well It’s all set up, it has everything and, this autumn, but in terms of actually Leinster’s reputation as fancy Dans, ster, but the competitive beast resides with their fans chanting Allez les Bleus. your columnist has his ticket but, no he affecting the Irish public, the seismic unable to compete when the going in the South, or so goes the myth. At The Australian coaches have brought doesn’t have any spares. This week clash in Lansdowne Road offers so gets tough is a myth. Anyone watching times, the Leinster fan found it hard about a French style revolution. Lein- will be a media frenzy like no other. much more. Ireland’s victory over England could to argue. Last season, 47,000 peo- ster attack from everywhere. Neither side is inexperienced enough Tickets couldn’t be harder to get if never question the drive behind Shane ple attended an eighty minute silence At crucial stages this season they to be distracted. they had chastity belts on. It’s cap- Horgan, Brian O’Driscoll’s love of com- as their team turned up and stepped have scored from within their own 22. Munster have the heart but in the tured the imagination. Munster fi lled petitive physicality and the will to win aside allowing Leicester to stroll into They’re almost more dangerous when Heineken Cup, that heart usually Lansdowne for their game with Perpig- of Malcolm O’Kelly. the semi fi nals. they’re on the back foot. Munster might breaks at the fi nal stage. Leinster have nan without much help from the Cata- It enthrals, it entices, it beckons. The next day, Munster travelled know their opponents inside out, but all the ingredients and have been an- lans. Leinster are based a fi ve minute Eighty minutes of Irish sportsmen at to San Sebastian to take on what Leinster still have an unknown quan- swering their critics all season, but you walk away. Even hosting it at Croke their peak. Eighty minutes of cross seemed like the entire Basque nation tity whereby they can spring an attack feel that only the Heineken Cup will Park wouldn’t satisfy demand. cultural warfare. Eighty minutes that when they faced Biarritz but their cour- from the unlikeliest of sources. silence the doubters. On the pitch you have internation- will last a lifetime in terms of bragging age, strength and defi ance in defeat Without Barry Murphy, Munster look It would be cruel, if not crushing for al players in almost every position. rights. was in stark contrast. blunt. They will front up and will hope Munster to watch their eastern foes You have crucial battles. Both sides’ Times have changed. Michael win this competition. They’ve consist- strengths lie in different places. Lein- Cheika and David Knox have been ently been contenders but the feeling ster have the best backline in club They are now a like a fresh summer’s breeze hitting Without Barry persists that the bridesmaids may yet rugby, Munster’s pack is a phenom- changed team. Sandymount Strand, Declan Kidney Murphy, end up being old spinsters, while the enal force. has gone southwards and has kept the tearaway teenager will fi nally blossom You’ve got intrigue in nearly every Their esprit de Munster gravy train on track. Munster look this season. position. How will Reggie Corrigan et corps and joie Anyone watching Leinster’s fi rst blunt. They will Whatever happens, it will be a mas- al stand up to the Munster front row? Celtic League game against the Os- sive game. If you have plans for next Will Brian Blaney manage to get the de vivre fit well preys this season quite possibly won’t front up and Saturday, cancel them. If you haven’t ball past Donncha O’Callaghan and with their fans remember it. It was a dreadful, error will hope to booked your fl ights to Cardiff, book Paul O’Connell at line out time? strewn affair in a half empty stadium them. An Irish team will be in the Who will Munster pick to face Brian chanting Allez but the only thing of note was the away simply keep the Heineken Cup Final either way. The O’Driscoll in the centre? How do they les Bleus side’s belief in their attack. They may ball only issue is who the bragging rights propose to stop the Felipe Contepomi have failed to execute, but they tried belong to. College Tribune 26 SPORT 20.04.06 ““MyMy mainmain cconcernoncern iiss tthathat wwee ggetet aass hhighigh uupp tthehe ttableable asas wwee ccanan aandnd mmakeake iitt asas difficultdifficult asas wewe cancan fforor Mahon’s “last tthishis GenesisGenesis ccommittee,ommittee, wwhoeverhoever ttheyhey are,are, tthesehese ffacelessaceless mmen.en. MMaybeaybe ttheyhey iissuessue tthesehese llicensesicenses iinn UCD boss Pete Mahon speaks to Colin Gleeson and a nniceice llittleittle hotelhotel withwith lovelylovely four-four- fumes about the threat that hangs over the future of his ccourseourse mmeals”eals” club, while looking to fulfi ll his last ambition in football - to defeat the Genesis Committee He says he’s not upset or angry. But he at least. But he’s passionate. He loves the certainly isn’t coming across that way. game and he loves the club. And that’s why Perhaps he’s just keen to differentiate he’s upset. between his feelings about the team’s The FAI are due to make an announce- performance and all thve other stuff that ment during the coming summer regarding has been going on. But at least he’s the details of this restructured eircom League. getting it out of his system. Mahon has expressed his worry at the strong “The more I talk about it the more I get it rumours that are circulating in various eircom off my chest. The more I talk about it prob- League circles, about the potential of a 16- ably, the more I loosen up,” continues UCD team Superleague emerging. manager Pete Mahon. “It was just a disap- The restructuring is a result of the Genesis pointment last Friday coming out of there. It’s report for the eircom League, which states just taking me a little bit longer than normal to that radical reform is required for the League get over this defeat. It used to take me about to survive. The Strategic Management Con- a week at one time and then it used to take sultants, Genesis, have said that radical a couple of hours, but that one last night, it’s reform of the eircom League is required to just taking me a bit longer than usual.” secure its future. Mahon’s side came away from United Teams are to be “invited” into the league Park last Friday night on the wrong end of a based on criteria that has yet to be released one-nil defi cit, and it would seem to be play- and is not due to be released until July, de- ing on the Dubliner’s mind. “Maybe because spite that fact that the league season is al- I’m sitting down fucking writing these match ready underway. Mahon claims that he has reports and everything else, maybe I’d be already learned from another club that if it better off getting out for a walk and getting comes down to a vote on which clubs are to away from it. Ah it’ll be fi ne in the end you stay, that “UCD wouldn’t get the vote.” know.” His breathing beginning to return to Mahon now goes on to speak about his something like normal now for a moment suspicions that there are secret meetings College Tribune 20.04.06 SPORT 27 ambition” to defeat Genesis

being held behind closed doors within vote for it in July. And if they do good value, maybe their mindset might change so we had to use the facilities over at the reasons. There’s people in UCD been FAI Headquarters. Plotting to construct luck to them. I mean it’s a joke that we then. Bowl. The facilities are absolutely brilliant. working their balls off every week to keep a new league without the presence of still don’t know and won’t know until July “But then again, how could it change And I’m looking at what we were in last this show on the road, and some people UCD. “I’m just hoping, and the feeling’s whether there’s relegation or promotion. because these people never played night. So with all this new era for football, say well it’s not a very good show, well fairly confi dent, that if the ball bounces But what are they waiting for? What’s the football. They never kicked a ball in an- a new dawn, a new beginning, ground- I’ll tell you one thing, it’ a well-run show. for us, we’ll give this Genesis committee big secret? Are they waiting to see who’s ger, they wouldn’t know whether it was sharing, upgrading stadiums and all this. I’m just hoping.” some headache. down the bottom of the league? pumped or stuffed. And these are the It’s all cosmetic. Do you mean to tell me The former Bohs boss was adamant “And that’s my one ambition left in “So what’s the criteria we’re all going people making decisions that will affect for one moment that Bohemians are go- that UCD have every potential to go football at this moment. To get so far up to have to match to let’s say be invited a lot of players in this country, a lot of ing to ground share with Shelbourne? I’d from strength to strength in the coming the table. Nothing would give me more into this Superleague? I guarantee you managers, a lot of families. I’m fearful be amazed. Why should they? seasons. And they are already putting in satisfaction. Because I know for a fact that when the schoolboy leagues start for of what might happen if there’s one so- “All this talk is to smooth over this tran- the groundwork in order to achieve this that there’s clandestine meetings being the under-tens next August, the teams in called Superleague with sixteen teams. sition or whatever they’re going to do, goal. held and phone calls being made and all What’s going to happen to the rest of “But if anybody tells me that we can do to set up this new era for football. them?” more, I mean our coaching and our train- “There’s no more we can do, only keep But then again, “I would imagine that last night in Roy Keane was ing I would say, and I don’t really know competing with these so-called big clubs how could it Drogheda, there were people from the right. Football is any other clubs, I mean I managed Bohe- who, by the way, don’t even have hot eircom League there, being wined and mians myself in a full-time situation and showers in the dressing room after the change because dined in good fashion up in Drogheda. all about suits. I would say that our coaching and our match in this day and age of Uefa licens- these people never Lovely tea and sandwiches and all for There’s so many training is on a par with anybody. ing and all this shit that I keep hearing played football. them all at half time, next would they have people in there “We have facilities, we have good play- so much about and you keep hearing a little drink and all that kind of stuff? ers, we have some very good players about the threat hanging over UCD and They never kicked “The basic requirement for me includes and so many and we’ve a lot of young players, now all this crap. But I’m glad to see that the a ball in anger, proper washing facilities after the match. I different blazers, young players need to be told the right nod and the wink mentality is still alive think that’s only fair. And Roy Keane was things, they need to be shown the right and thriving in the eircom League. That they wouldn’t know right. Football is all about suits. There’s they don’t know way, and then they need time, also with sounds like sour grapes now but it’s whether it was so many people in there and so many dif- which one to wear an input from themselves of course. Now not. It’s a reality. Our players came in ferent blazers, they don’t know which one we’re getting all that I think. off the pitch last Friday in Drogheda and pumped or stuffed to wear, whether it’s the Leinster Senior “The only thing I’m despondent about there’s no hot water to have a shower. League, FAI, eircom League, they don’t is the result last night. And if I’m coming Now come on. that league will know whether there’s rel- know which one to wear. that’s my opinion. But when it all comes across in a negative tone or a despond- “I’m around in football a long time, I’m egation or promotion. Here’s what’s sup- “When you take the whole package, down in the end, people want power. ent tone, I’m not. I’m still just disappointed around the League of Ireland scene for posed to be the top league in the country. when you take everything into consid- I’m in football for the right reasons. I’m over the result. And maybe that’s defl ect- over forty years and going back to when I I mean there’s nothing wrong with the eration, the set-up in UCD: no late pay- in football because I love the game. I’m ing away from the positive stuff but I know was playing, the one thing we had after a league, it’s the administration. ments, no bounced cheques, every com- not in football so I can sit in the Director’s the positive stuff as well I think. match was a hot shower, that’s happened “My main concern is that we get as mitment being honoured, travelling fi rst Box in Tolka Park or Lansdowne Road “It’s just frustrating when we were so to us twice this year now. All this show- high up the table as we can and make class to matches. Now we really have no or wherever. near last Friday again and the ball went boating and beauty contest type talk you it as diffi cult as we can for this Genesis excuses and I’m not making excuses but “I’ve never got anything out of football. the wrong side of the post, but we’re get- hear about the grounds, and we’re doing committee, whoever they are, these I am happy in the knowledge that we are The two things I’ve got out of football ting there and these young players here this and we’re going to do that. We want faceless men. Maybe they issue these doing all that is possible to get success. are enjoyment and heartbreak. I never are the best young players around. And this crowd in the league and we don’t licenses in a nice little hotel with lovely Now I’m sure that other managers that got any freebies, brought here, brought we have some very exciting scholarship want that crowd in the league. four-course meals, their hot showers have been in UCD before me and they’ll there, I don’t want them; I don’t want applications already for July. So that en- “Make the designs when everything’s and their hot towels. If they had to step tell you the exact same thing. to be part of that. I want to be part of a courages us.” It’s like he said though. on the table. And all these clubs who into a cold shower after ninety minutes “I mean we trained again last Saturday club where things get done right, for the All he can do is hope. And only time will have voted for change. See will they still of giving good entertainment and good in Belfi eld. The Sports Centre was closed right reasons and in our case for football tell perhaps. Top Drogs frustrate students

Ex-UCD boss Paul Doolin did the busi- CONTINUED FROM PAGE 28 ness at half-time in the home dress- ing room as his side came out for night, maybe that’s overstating it, I felt the second half with all guns blazing. confi dent about the game. The goal came shortly after the restart “Even though we’d a few setbacks when the ball broke for James Keddy before the game, I felt we were going to on the left who crossed the ball into get something from the game, certainly the penalty area where it was met with not lose it. I had a good feeling about it. precision by Bradley. Maybe it was because they were com- The away side almost grabbed an ing down from the high of the Setanta equalizer in the dying moments when Cup, top of the league, playing at home, Darragh Ryan’s cross rattled the cocky enough; I think they were there crossbar after deceiving goalkeeper for the taking. It was set-up for us, no Dan Connor. The ball fell at the feet of question at all about that. I had a good Sammon but he couldn’t dig it out from feeling about it and that’s what makes underneath him. it more disappointing than usual. Quickly taken: UCD aim to get on terms with Drogheda After the match, UCD manager Pete “It’s just a disappointment because Mahon was furious about the result. we just can’t seem to cross that fi nal would’ve been ok, that would’ve been Darren Quigley made one save in the them really hurting us after that. And “Sick. Fucking sick. That was hard to hurdle. I suppose really, I’m just writing a totally different mindset and way of fi rst half, after that they had one shot this is a full-time team, massive money take. That’s just about ruined my whole my match report here, and I’m saying to thinking on the situation, but as I said, from Bradley over the bar, one more being poured in there, sugar daddies all fucking Easter weekend to be honest. I myself that we could’ve got a draw from the result knocks it back a bit now. shot from Glen Fitzpatrick that went a over the place. And it’s that extra little felt very confi dent about that match last that game at the very least and that “They got behind us once for the goal, million miles wide and I can’t remember bit of quality that money buys.” SPORT CLASH OF THE TITANS MAHON FURIOUS DOWN THE LINE PAGE 25 INTERVIEW PAGE 26 Top Drogs frustrate students UNITED PARK UCD 0 Drogheda Utd 1

COLIN GLEESON

Former Arsenal midfi elder Stephen Bradley struck two minutes after half-time to send UCD packing and Drogheda United four points clear at the top of the eircom League Premier Division last Friday night at United Park. Bradley showed why he attracted the BELFIELD BOWL interest of west-London club Fulham and newly promoted Reading before UCD 17 Christmas as his fi ne strike propelled the Boynesiders to their fi fth one-nil win Shannon 21 of the season. Captain Tony McDonnell returned RUAIDHRI O’CONNOR from injury for the students and was partnered in central defense by Brian Shorthall after Conor Kenna and Alan McNally were both forced out through injury. Conan Byrne made way for Gary Dicker in midfi eld, which was Pete Shannon squeeze through Mahon’s third change from UCD’s 4-1 thrashing of Bray Wanderers the week The AIB League play offs may be UCD relinquished a lead they’d never who barrelled over in the corner with the wing, cut inside and offl oaded to before. beyond them this season but UCD regain. men to spare outside. Hickey added his captain Kevin Croke. Last Saturday’s goal fest was a dis- didn’t look like they had nothing to Shannon fi nished the job in bizarre the conversion from the touchline. The number eight appeared to tant memory set against the rather dull play for at the Belfi eld Bowl as they circumstances. They stole the ball in International referee Allain Roland knock the ball on, but Louis Burke proceedings of United Park, with the went down valiantly to the champi- their own 22, and instead of looking added a touch of glamour to proceed- was allowed to continue. The ball was Students appearing to have left their ons Shannon. to touch, out half Delaney launched a ings and he was called into action af- swung wide and Shannon were split goal-scoring boots in Belfi eld. Admit- College will be ruing missed op- cross kick towards Donnacha Ryan. ter a half an hour. Shannon Prop Les open. McLaughlin found Niall Kearns tedly, Drogheda’s watertight defense portunities as Eoghan Hickey went Hickey looked to have the situation Hogan hit a ruck with such ferocity who crossed the line. Hickey failed to has yet to concede a goal this season close with a number of kicks and the under control, but was unceremoni- that he left Ken Kennedy prone on add the conversion. and they have looked good in recent forwards turned over a huge amount ously shoved out of the way by the the ground. He came from the side College lost the ball and their mo- weeks as they prepare for this Satur- of ball in excellent fi eld position at key towering second row who collected and was very high but it seemed a mentum from the ensuing kick off and day’s Setanta Cup Final showdown with times. and ran eighty yards to score. Dela- little harsh when the referee issued weren’t to score again until New Zea- Cork City. The Limerickmen’s penchant for ney was unable to add the two but the the yellow card. lander Richie Mandeno grabbed a late The home-side eeked out the result opportunism was on display in great away side had put suffi cient daylight The Students failed to capitalise consolation. despite the absence of regular strikers measure as they scored two tries from between the sides. and Hickey may be ruing his decision Declan O’Brien and Mark Leech. College within their own half. College will be disappointed as they to go for touch after 36 minutes. The UCD: McCarron, Grissing, Kennedy started well and caused problems for the The fi rst came as half time beck- had the majority of the fi eld position ensuing line out came to nothing and (Fanning, 40), Kearns, Hickey-Crowe, Drogheda back four. The fi rst opening oned, College’s Eoghan Hickey ex- and possession throughout but they when they look at the fi nal score line, Hickey, O’Riordan, Hall (McGovern, came after seven minutes through the ecuted a smart kicked off following a failed to convert and failed to protect these small moments will come back 51), Geoghegan, Doyle, McLaugh- infl uence of Pat McWalter as he fed the Dave Delaney penalty. However, with ruck ball. to haunt them. lin (Costello, 60), Mandeno, O’Brien ball to the in-form Conor Sammon who Kevin McLaughlin storming up, Shan- Shannon had gone in front earlier They did score an enthralling team (Blaney, 45), Burke, Croke (c) blasted his shot just wide. non centre Andrew Thompson side on two identical penalties from just try minutes later, one that spanned the Shannon: O’Donovan, M Tuohy, Drogheda’s fi rst real chance came stepped and found himself in acres inside the UCD ten metre line gave pitch and went through the hands of at Thompson, Cahill (c), B Tuohy, De- about after the half hour mark when of space. them a lead. least ten players in the build up. laney, F McNamara, Hogan, Cronin their playmaker on the night, Bradley fed As the cover closed, Thompson College went in front after 25 min- Morgan Hickey-Crowe came off his (Hickey, 70), G McNamara, Ryan Sami Ristilla at the edge of the box from switched with Brian Tuohy and the utes, Kevin McLaughlin making hard wing and used his searing pace to (Keane, 70), O’Brien, Noonan (Pat just inside his own half. Darren Quigley winger fi nished well in the corner. yards before Brian O’Riordan went break through the cover. UCD swung O’Connor, 47), Padraic O’Connor, had to be at his best to turn the Boyne- Delaney slotted the conversion and left and fed hooker Conor Geoghegan right and Geoghegan popped up on Keogh. sider’s fi ne effort around the post.