Brave Lions Two Alternate Views Hickie & Horgan Fashion - Page 16 Exclusive Interview Rud’S World - Page 22 Sport - Page 26

ISSUE 2 / VOLUME 19 4.10.05 METROSEXUALS BRAVE LIONS TWO ALTERNATE VIEWS HICKIE & HORGAN FASHION - PAGE 16 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW RUD’S WORLD - PAGE 22 SPORT - PAGE 26

gone.” Irish Students Destroy J1 Flat JACK CANE The College Tribune has not received any infor- “A PLACE TO CRASH mation as to whether the sub-leasers of the other AND PARTY, THAT’S IT, Some of the destruction caused There are no criminal proceedings in motion on apartments will be paying for damages incurred. WHO CARES ABOUT IT?” by former UCD students either side of the Atlantic. When a number of them were contacted, the stu- Maher’s hope that “the students involved will have dents alleged to have been involved declined to com- “This happens all the time.” These are Irish students are being held responsible some moral feelings to pay up what they owe” ment. the words of UCD Student Advisor Ronan Murphy, a former employee of UC Santa for approximately US$15,000 worth of appears to have had some success. However, the destruction of the Isla Vista apart- Barbara. damages to three apartments in Santa In an email sent to the College Tribune, Maher ments has already had a negative effect on the rep- Barbara, California. Former UCD students reported that the tenants of apartment #8 have paid According to Murphy, the latest reports were involved in the devastation of the utation of Irish students in Santa Barbara. of destruction of three apartments by Irish US$1,800 towards the damages in that residence. Katie Maher confirmed “if BDC do take Irish stu- three apartments. The sub-leasers of apartment #8 have also said that students are not uncommon. dents again we may increase the security deposit Apartments #3, #5, and #8, 800 Embarcadero del they will take full financial responsibility for the dam- However, Murphy stresses that such and find a way to make them financially responsible acts of vandalism are rooted in other prob- Mar, which are located in Isla Vista, near the age, according to Maher. after they leave” adding that “once we come up with lems. “I worked in UCSB and three Irish University of California Santa Barbara (UCSB) were Katie Maher goes on to state that the sub-leasers a protocol for that, we wouldn’t want to discriminate girls who were working over there for the described as being “destroyed beyond belief” by of apartment #8 have also apologised for the dam- against Irish students.” summer came into my office and said the UCSB student Josh Kimball. ages incurred and that they did not participate in the local estate agent had denied them hous- Kimball, one of the UCSB students who sub-let the Maher also commented “I hope that this gets vandalism of the apartment, claiming that the ing in local apartments because they were apartments out to the Irish nationals, was left with the through to the Irish students, that they are ruining the destruction was undertaken by people they allowed Irish. cost of the damages along with other sub-letters after to stay in the unit after they left the US in mid-August. reputation of Irish students here who will find it harder to rent and work in Santa Barbara. It’s an awful sit- “I rang the Irish Consulate in San the Irish students left at the end of the summer. The level of destruction to the apartments was Francisco and told them of the problem, uation.” The sub-leasers cannot be prosecuted or forced to substantial, with pictures released by BDC which they said they were aware of. The Due to the difficulty in prosecuting foreign citizens pay the damages at 800 Embarcadero del Mar as Management showing overflowing toilets, ripped up consulate was saying that Irish students they are not US citizens. mattresses, rubbish strewn floors, doors ripped from under the US court system, the details and pictures were coming over and putting up to fifteen However, attempts to secure some form of finan- hinges, holes punched into walls and walls covered of the damages was forwarded onto the Irish people in one apartment, and that they cial retribution have been carried out by the apart- in graffiti. The former UCD students involved are Consulate, along with the Colleges of the sub- were getting reports of apartments being ments’ management company, BDC Management, believed to have participated in these acts of vandal- leasers. trashed up and down the CONTINUED along with affected UCSB students. ism. Lt. Sol Linver of the Isla Vista Foot Patrol stated coast or at least that’s what Katie Maher, Property Supervisor for BDC, stated Josh Kimball described the scene; “The carpet that he wanted the sub-leasers held accountable for they heard from some land- “we have talked to the Irish Consulate in San was black, it smelled like urine, there was writing on their actions, however with the students of apartment lords.” 2> Francisco and sent them the contact details of the all the walls from floor to ceiling and on the cabinets, #8 paying their dues, it appears that the situation will students involved.” there were holes in the walls and the front door was be rectified out of court. EDITORIAL 8 > 2 THIS WEEK 4.10.05 “A PLACE TO CRASH AND PARTY, THAT’S IT, WHO CARES ABOUT IT?” INSIDE Murphy explained that “the reality is in CONTINUED Murphy continued, claiming that “it Isla Vista, Santa Barbara, that the rents comes from students living in the high are extremely high, so if you get a one ed by affluent students. “Most of the stu- income parts of California. The low bedroom apartment you probably have dents who go to UCSB are high income income students just aren’t doing it. With four students in it, then they have students, who go up there, party a lot, Irish students, maybe it’s a product of boyfriends or girlfriends so then Ireland becoming wealthy. The you have eight altogether. people who have the money, for Apartments are trashed from year the most part, it’s a place to live to year this way.” and crash and party, that’s it, who However, the problem does not cares about it?” entirely lie with the students with The Student Advisor was Murphy commenting that “a lot of backed up in this claim by James times the apartments are not kept Carroll, SU President. Carroll com- up by the landlords who have mented that “it seems like people been doing that for thirty years or from more affluent areas in Dublin more. It’s a student and immi- seem to think this is acceptable grant ghetto.” behaviour. It’s disgraceful.” Carroll With approximately US$15,000 added that he condemned “such 3 NEWS worth of damage incurred on the behaviour completely”. three Isla Vista properties, the With thousands of Irish students Dodgy posters, students’ thrashing amounts of money owed by the going to the US on J1 visas every Irish students involved is sub- summer, Murphy describes a apartments, graffiti, kn**cker drink- stantial. At the time of writing, the crowded scene; “in the end, those UC Santa Barbara students involved trash the apartments and then leave. three girls ended up with ten people in ing and a war of words. Another have still lost the majority of their Obviously not everyone does this but their one bedroom apartment, half deposit to the BDC Management due to certainly a good number of students do. would sleep there and the other half quiet fortnight the actions of the sub-leasers. The Irish students aren’t doing anything would go out and vice versa. It’s a fairly According to Murphy however, van- the students of Orange County aren’t regular occurrence.” 10 FEATURES dalism is more often than not perpetrat- doing.” JACK CANE Interviews with Dr. TRIBUNE Cox from Scrubs, Bill Clintons former SUDOKU speech-writer and a NO. 3 / EASY NO. 4 / MEDIUM survivor of 9 7 4 6 1 29 3 Hurricane Katrina. 3 8 5 2 1 8 5 And lots more... 4 7 58 2 16 DISTRACTIONS 5 3 9 7 1 4 6 We ask what makes a metrosexu- 2 4 1 7 al, interview rising band Turn and mourn the iminent death of NY 7 4 2 9 7 9 8 club CBGBS. Plus the usual 3 1 4 93 barage of reviews 6 5 1 4 5 9 4 25 SPORTS 8 5 3 2 6 6 35 Colin Gleeson talks e2 m2 to Denis Hickie and COMPLETE THE GRIDS SO THAT EACH ROW, COLUMN AND 3X3 BOX CONTAINS THE DIGITS 1 TO 9. Shane Horgan THE SOLUTIONS WILL APPEAR ON THIS PAGE IN THE NEXT ISSUE. DROP THE SOLUTION TO SUDOKU NO.3 (EASY) DOWN TO THE OFFICE IN while Richard LG18 (ARTS BLOCK) TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN A TRIP FOR TWO McElwee reports from Belfield Bowl Editor Sports Editor Contributors: Eoin Mac Aodha Colin Gleeson Catriona Blake, Andrew Carlos, Richelle Delany, REGULARS Chief Sub Editor Features Editors Ruaidhri O’Connor Alan Tully Fionn Dempsey, Dan Finn, Christina Finn, Box 74, 8 FAUSTUS Students’ Centre, Design Editor Current Affairs Barra Fennell, Kate Hayes, 9 University College Simon Ward Eileen O’Malley Fiona Hedderman, EDITORIAL & Dublin, Nicky Hynes, Graham Distractions Editor Health & Fashion Editor Keegan, Peter McKenna LETTERS Belfield, Barry Bowen Caitríona Gaffney Dublin 4. Kevin Murphy, Rachel 16 FASHION & HEALTH Web Editor Music Editor Gilmore-Murphy, Chris Kirk, 23 RUD’S WORLD Email: Jonathon Kelly Ronan Dempsey Derry Nairn, Gillian [email protected] Kennedy, Vinny O’Dowd Photography Editor Film Editor Bill O’Reilly, Owen Priestly , 10 THINGS I HATE... Aisling O’Leary Karen O’Connell Telephone: Harry Smyth, 22 GUIDE TO THE LUNGE (01) 716 8501 News Editor Richard McElwee, Jack Cane Zachary Warner 22 DEAR TRIBUNE Online: 24 THE TURBINE www.ucd.ie/tribune Special Thanks To: house, Industrial Strength Coffee, CJ the DJ, Stephen & Gary @ Spectator Newspapers, Disk Keys, Read’s of Nassau St, the careers 25 DOWN THE LINE Eilish O’Brien @ UCD Communications Office, office and all the editorial staff, you all do Mary & Mairtin MacAodha for the use of their great work. And God. 4.10.05 NEWS 3 CURRAN GETS IT WANG

Class Rep poster boy revealed JACK CANE EDITORIAL 8> to be faked

The Students’ Union poster advertis- UCD.” When asked as to the legal ramifications ing Class Rep positions was branded of using the photo, Curran replied “if we put up a picture for a few weeks around UCD of a per- “stupid and totally unacceptable” after son who lives thousands and thousand of miles it was revealed that one of the photo- away, I don’t think that’s really an [legal] issue.” graphs on it was faked. “Daniel Wang, Enda Duffy, Labour Youth Chairperson, Class Rep 2002/03” has been rejected this argument, branding the use of the picture as “sick” and claiming that “what is sick- revealed to have never been a Class est about the poster is the fact they picked an Rep, or even ever a student of UCD. Asian picture and gave him a tokenistic name Students’ Union Deputy President, Dave like Daniel Wang. It sounds like a false name, a Curran, who was responsible for the poster stereotype.” Duffy added “I don’t think the SU campaign, commented that “we took pictures of should be joking about these issues.” people we knew were formerly Class Reps, but Curran responded by claiming that “the they were all girls. I tried to get in touch with for- poster is very light-hearted, people will under- mer male Class Reps, but could only find ones stand it’s fairly harmless. I don’t think we have that were running for the position again, and I done anything wrong.” couldn’t give them extra publicity.” SU President James Carroll was dismissive Defending his decision to “do a Google Image of the issue, commenting: “Sure, Daniel Wang, Search and come up with this picture”, Curran he’s a bit of a living legend.” asserted that “we needed to get the poster Both Curran and James Carroll insist that the done, it was late and we had a deadline.” The poster will not adversely affect foreign students’ campaign attracted a record number of 178 trust in the SU. Curran claimed that “I don’t think Class Rep nominations. we will lose foreign students’ trust, if anything it The decision to use this picture, of “Daniel is a positive thing, if it does have an impact it will Wang”, a man of Chinese extraction, was cited be a message of inclusivity.” Carroll concurred, as “stupid and totally unacceptable” according claiming “Why would it? Absolutely not.” to a Chinese student speaking to the College When asked did they believe the Students’ Tribune, who wishes to remain anonymous. Union had lied to students, both Carroll and The man whose image is used in the poster’s Curran refused to be drawn on the matter, with real name remains a mystery. Curran, com- both the President and Deputy President menting on the issue, claimed that “I don’t know repeatedly claiming that they needed someone who chose the name, the poster was a collabo- for the poster and subsequently found a picture rative effort.” on Google Image Search. The anonymous Chinese student continued Jane Horgan-Jones, SU Education Officer, his attack on the poster, stating that “the SU admitted “it was probably a mistake to do it, but appears to have lied to students. I think it was a it wasn’t done with any bad intentions. If people bad mistake they made in making up a fake have taken offence, I think the SU should apol- Class Rep.” ogise, but Dave Curran shouldn’t be lynched for When asked why he chose a male face of for- it.” Enda Duffy agreed with these sentiments eign extraction, Curran said that he hoped to somewhat, commenting that “I think Curran find “somebody who was likely to live far away, should apologise to Council and the student so he wouldn’t happen to be walking around body.” DANIEL WANG: A FIGMENT OF THE STUDENTS’ UNION’S IMAGINATION SOC SHOWING NO CRAICS PHOTO: RD CraicSoc’s “kn**ker drinking extravageansai” of 21st September has seen campus security arrangements called into question. The unscheduled event, which contravened the University’s Alcohol Policy, attracted approximately fifty revellers. OWEN PRIESTLY

Such security breaches have been on the rise since the start of the College term and have led to an increased presence of security and Services personnel. Security was lifted as high as to involve the Gardai on this occasion. The “extravageansai” marks CraicSoc’s - an unofficial society - first event of the year. Students whose main objective is to “bring the craic back to the students” started CraicSoc as an unofficial society three years ago. Flyers were ille- gally distributed all around campus, advertising the “extravageansai” to be held at the lake for 2pm, along with such slogans as “F**k Butler!” and “Bring Drugs!” College rules concerning flyer distribution and alcohol consumption state “clubs, societies and CRAIC SOC: STUDENTS DRINKING AT ROEBUCK CASTLE BEFORE SERVICES ARRIVED other groups organising events on- or off-campus may not advertise free or cheap drinks as the the offending event. However, as Craic Soc is not, reconvene behind Roebuck Castle at 6pm where banded and student cards taken so that further main attraction of the event.” or never has been, an official society, bringing the an electrical generator and DJ decks lay in wait. disciplinary action could be taken at a later date. The flyers advertised a drinking session down organisers to justice is proving harder than The party continued until the Garda were called CraicSoc, standing in solidarity with its members, by the lake in open defiance to the College’s expected. and campus security disbanded the group for a issued a press release calling “all students never Alcohol Consumption policy. The policy is clear in When the CraicSoc members congregated at second time. to hand over a student card.” its statement that “alcohol may not be consumed the lake for the event they were met by resistance CraicSoc released a press statement following The unofficial society continued, suggesting on campus except in licensed clubs and restau- from the College officials who were not willing to the “extravagansai” outlining its outrage at their that their members to go as far as to “steal some- rants and other areas which have been temporar- relax College policy. Security was called and the treatment at the hands of the Gardai and campus one else’s and then hand that one over.” The ily designated by the Registrar for the purpose of group was disbanded. security. The unofficial society felt that they had College remained adamant that the security per- a particular event.” The group then moved onto pitches adjacent to been intimidated and bullied at the hands of cam- sonal had acted adequately in response to the sit- Any breach of this policy by any club or soceity the creche and were again dispersed with all open pus security and by members of the Gardai. uation and had in fact taken student cards from would lead to disciplinary action being taken containers of alcohol confiscated. CraicSoc had Standard University security regulation at an offending students. Any further disciplinary action against the society and the members present at anticipated opposition and had organised to incident of this nature would see the event dis- taken is yet to be known. 4 NEWS 4.10.05 ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT PHOTO: FILE Individual Arrested Suspected Posession of Drugs OWEN PRIESTLY Gardai were called onto campus after reports of suspicious activities outside the Student Bar, and have arrested a man for suspected drug possession Monday last. The man was not a registered student at UCD. The individual, who was removed from Belfield, was reprimanded by the Gardai for being in possession of unknown quantities of an illegal substance. The individual in question was removed from the campus grounds after the Gardai were called. The car that took the man away was a regular patrol car, not a car from the Drug Squad. The College have decided not to pursue the situation any further and were not looking for any further legal preceedings to be undertaken on behalf of the College against the individual. The College said it was a matter for the police to deal with. The incident coincided with an ejection of a first year male student from Merville residences, fuelling rumours that this person was the one arrested outside the Student Bar. However, the College Tribune can reveal that the incidents were not related. The College were adamant in response to this incident that the arrested man was not a student at UCD and that drugs of any kind were strictly prohibited on campus. Eilis O'Brien, UCD’s Director for Communications, responsed to the incident by stating that “it is College policy that drugs are prohibited on campus.” STUDENT BAR: REVELLERS HAVING A DRUG FREE TIME This incident has raised further questions about campus security. College rules clearly amounts of people congregate there it becomes al resources as required, and UCD Services that he was “entirely disappointed with the secu- state that members of the public are not allowed increasingly difficult to regulate if everyone pres- operates a flexible staffing approach. UCD takes rity on campus”. He went on the say that security into any of the student bars or surrounding areas. ent is a student. a balanced approach to security, and assumes personnel spent more time “picking on first years, The Student Bar plays host to many showcas- When asked about it’s approach to security the that most students understand.” having a laugh” than on the “real issues such as es, gigs and events throughout the year. As large College commented that “UCD brings in addition- However, one freshman went on record to say the increasing levels of violence on campus.” WAR OF WORDS CONTINUES On the 20th of September 2005, the College Tribune published a news story regarding proposed developments on the Jefferson Smurfit site, Clonskeagh, adjacent to BeechHill residential estate. Below is a statement from Councillor Dermot Lacey, the spokesperson for the BeechHill residents and a subsequent response from University College Dublin. The views expressed in either statement are in no way the views of the College Tribune. CLLR. DERMOT LACEY UNIVERSITY COLLEGE DUBLIN

Statement to College Tribune from were placed approximately one mile from the In response to issues raised around the purchase of the Philips site. Councillor Dermot Lacey residents most affected and in a place where the development of land at As part of the agreement UCD will gain an access route to Beaver Row. they least likely to see them? Whiteoaks/Beechill the University The campus land in question had initially been Ms Eilis O'Brien, UCD Director of provides the following comprehen- Communications, (College Tribune 20/09/05) stat- used as practice playing field, it was then used by ed that " Cllr Lacey has made numerous inaccu- 6) Was I inaccurate to say that I expected bet- sive background which clarifies the the Faculty of Agriculture for a number of years role of UCD. rate assertions over the past year" in relation to ter manners from the President and authorities of and subsequently became fallow and in the more the UCD Property development adjacent to Beech In 2003 UCD bought the Philips site adjoining recent past it has been reconstituted as practice the largest University in Ireland? Hill. the campus on the Clonskeagh Road. The site playing pitches. The land was a peripheral part of consists of approximately 10 acres and buildings the university’s general land-bank and had not (circa 100,000 sq ft). The site and building were However in the course of a lengthy article she 7) Was I inaccurate in saying that the yet been designated for a specific long term use. considered an ideal location for the remaining fails to mention even one such inaccuracy: The university has begun reconfiguring the Councillors in the Dundrum Electoral area had parts of the Faculty of Engineering, which is still Whiteoaks area of the campus. This has involved 1) Was I inaccurate in saying that UCD and unanimously rejected the Planning Application? located in Earlsfort Terrace. reallocating some of the lands which were previ- their Developer allies lodged a Planning It was understood at the time (by the ously part of University Lodge gardens to accom- Application without informing their neighbours? Governing Authority and the Finance Committee) The fact remains that UCD along with its that UCD would have to consider disposing of modate three playing pitches. Formerly there 2) Was I inaccurate in saying that there was a Developer allies is party to a development which some property in order to part fund the purchase. had only been space for two. long standing understanding on the part of resi- During 2004, UCD entered into discussions The University has always made an effort to will have a profoundly damaging impact dents that the fields in question would be used with the consortium of developers in relation to have good relations with residents living in the as sporting facilities? on the community in which the President, courtesy land they had purchased from the Smurfit organ- area around the campus. The campus itself is an of the taxpayer, temporarily resides. isation. amenity for the local community and they are wel- 3) Was I inaccurate in saying that this devel- Arising out of these discussions, the two par- come here. opment will impact in an extremely damaging ties agreed to exchange a small portion of land The planning application for this development That the College so dismisively rejects fair com- which would enable the university to reconfigure way on the adjoining communities and the resi- was posted not just at the location but also at the its boundary and maximise that area of the cam- dents of Beaver Row? ment says as much about their attitude to Social main entrance to the campus so as to fully inform pus for sports purposes. It was also agreed that Studies and Communications as the development all interested parties. Details of the proposals 4) Was I inaccurate in saying that the the two parties would enter into a joint develop- were widely disseminated within UCD and were President of UCD has, to date, failed to answer a itself does to the School of Architecture. I repeat ment project, which would include both the Smurfit lands and almost 5 acres of the universi- reported in the National Press. single letter, on this issue, sent on behalf of local again shame on a great university that in the residents - his neighbours? ty lands at Whiteoaks (which adjoins Beechill). It should be noted that the entrance to the pro- search for mammon it betrays everything that a This investment would be used by UCD to posed development is from Beaver Row and not 5) Was I inaccurate to say that the site notices real University should be about. make a significant contribution toward financing via the Beech Hill Estate. 4.10.05 NEWS 5 T REFORMATION CAUSES CONSTERNATION PHOTO: EOIN MAC AODHA Academics Unconvinced by Horizons VINNY O’DOWD develop by the end of this academic year.” There is concern within the academic The Professor feels that the most problematic schools in UCD regarding Horizons. The area of the system is the signing up of students to new revised academic structure of all of classes online. “The problematic element is the UCD’s degree programmes has signing up of students online. If that could work it would be great. But it’s not so far. encountered serious problems, accord- “I also believe that a clear distinction must now ing to some of UCD’s teaching schools. be made between the teething problems, of which Many academic schools are experiencing major every new system will experience, and deeper problems, particularly regarding timetables. constructural problems.” Professor Andrew Smith, former head of the He believes that a great amount of planning Greek and Roman Civilisation department has must go towards the setting up of structures such described Horizons as “dreadful, total chaos”. He as Horizons. “The organisation and combination of believes, that so far, the system has serious flaws. departments in a system such as Horizons must “The electives just aren’t working. There were be done in an extremely strategic way and also students in tears some moments ago with one of with a view to the future. Whether it is done here it my colleagues. They were told via the Internet that is too early to judge.” they could do certain electives, whereas the oppo- Ouhalla concluded by saying that “the intention site is the case. They cannot do them. This just is great but I wonder is it a bit ambitious” isn’t working” Head of French in the School of Languages, Professor Smith was quick to point out that the Literature and Film, Dr Phyllis Gaffney, expressed GRAFFITI: FOUND ON THE OUTISDE & INSIDE OF THE QUINN BUILDING system is a good idea but he is left confused as to her feelings regarding the new system, “we are how it will work. “It is a nice system, if it could work, experiencing a phenomenon with the influx of stu- but I am just confused right now.” dents wishing to take French language modules, He sited his stepping down as Head of the but I feel that the other side of the degree that we THE WRITINGS ON THE Greek and Roman Civilisation department as a offer may come under threat.” result of “imposing outside influences”. Gaffney, points out that the language modules Head of the Irish, Celtic civilisation studies, Irish are only one side of the French department. “I feel WALL FOR “CRAICSOC” Folklore and Linguistics, Professor Jamal Ouhalla the Literature side of our school may come under insisted that the idea behind Horizons was an threat. I feel that the new electives may only ben- The Quinn School of Business has excellent one. Ouhalla had worked for many years efit the ‘tourist’ student who wants to learn enough been vandalised by graffiti. ZACHARY WARNER in the Queen Mary and Westfield College, London French so as to be able to get by as a tourist in The graffiti referred to an unofficial Craic Soc where the teaching structure was based on the France. “kn**cker drinking extravageansai”. Gardaí, which is the appropriate authority in this same principles as Horizons. “As a result our school may be pressurised to The offending graffiti appeared on Wednesday, instance.” The name of the person has not yet “Horizons is a very good idea, when I heard dumb-down our course to just language modules. the 21st September, in the men’s toilets and on been released to the public. about it at first I was very happy as I had experi- This is a serious problem for my colleagues and I.” the outside of the building. As the graffiti was perpetrated with substances enced a very good system in England. I feel that it Gaffney also cited the online registration for The outside wall of the Quinn Building was which are extremely difficult to remove, the cost of is too early to judge Horizons yet. The system is classes as “a headache”. emblazoned “F**k Commerce”, whilst in the removing the graffiti is expected to be quite sub- going through some teething problems at the However, she concluded, “We are somewhat men’s’ toilet inside the graffiti gave the time, loca- stantial. The exact figure is not yet known. moment but I believe that a clearer picture will apprehensive but are willing to embrace.” tion and date of the CraicSoc event. As “CraicSoc” is not an official College society it cannot be officially disciplined and there is as of PHOTO: EOIN MAC AODHA The College Tribune can reveal that a single person was arrested in relation to the graffiti. A yet no proof whether the person arrested is direct- College spokesperson stated that “this is an ly responsible for the graffiti, or if they are consid- ongoing process, which is being handled by the ered a member of “CraicSoc”. BELFIELD FM HITS A BRICK WALL

The former Belfield FM station manager, GILLIAN KENNEDY Charlie Solan, has resigned from the board of the College radio station. His been informed by the board and instead received decision comes after discovering that the news from Gavan Nolan, Facilities Manager, whilst work on the new dividing wall was under- the new Belfield FM office is to decrease way. dramatically in size. Nolan was informed about the new plans for the The office space, situated in the Library corri- office from Dave Carmody, Student Financial dor, is to be divided between the CIE’s Student Administrator. Travelcard and Belfield FM. Gary Redmond, Deputy Station Manager, was Neither Mr. Solan nor the newly appointed sta- informed about the decreased office size just two tion manager, Paul McAvinchey, were informed days before commencement of the work. about the new plans for the office space until just Mr. Redmond stated, “He knew two weeks two days before the work was to commence. before, he was under the impression that the SU The building work on the office space had had informed Belfield FM.” already included installations of electrical cables Yet neither the SU President, James Carroll, and sockets for Belfield FM. also a member of the Belfield FM Board or Dave Now that the space has been decreased, the Carmody had mentioned anything to the station future of the stations development is in doubt. The about their decision. Helen Guerin a member of space was to offer the potential for a combined the Belfield FM board also did not know anything studio, newsroom and office together. about the new plans. Mr. Solan stated that the present conditions for Former board member Paddy O’Flynn stated running the station was “physically impossible” as that he had, “no knowledge, as he was not part of the station is spread across campus. Belfield FM’s the decision- making process, and that it was an studio is currently located between the temporary internal matter for the SU”. Guerin was unavail- portakabin beside the Student Centre and their able for comment. offices in the Library building. Solan regretfully informed the College Tribune, McAvinchey also voiced his anger about the that “it’s impossible to expect management to pro- decision to decrease the office size stating “it’s vide a professional station if there isn’t a profes- particularly frustrating, it’s a definite hindrance”. sional set up.” Besides the decrease in office space, it is clear Dave Carmody was unavailable for comment at that Solan’s decision to resign comes because of the time of going to print, As a consequence the total cost to the SU of LIMBO: THE TEMPORARY BELFIELD FM PORTACABIN BESIDE THE CENTRE CLUB what he cites as, “a lack of communication”. Even though Solan was Station manager he had not these developments has yet to be released. 66 NEWS FOCUSFOCUS 4.10.054.10.05 A COLLEGE ON THE PRECIPICE? PHOTO: JT A marked surge in unrest around Belfield has been evident in the first month of the academic year, necessi- tating the Gardaí’s presence on campus on multiple occasions.

JACK CANE

September has seen numerous cases of aggression and vandalism around UCD From graffiti plastered across the exterior of the Quinn Building exclaiming “F**k Commerce” to fighting at last week’s Freshers’ Ball, the trend is undeniable. The flagrant breaches of the University’s Alcohol Policy, which doesn’t allow events to advertise free or reduced drink as their main attraction or allow students to have open containers of alcohol around campus, unless in an area designated for a special event, have been obvious in CraicSoc’s “kn**ker drinking extrav- ageansaí” along with the usual Freshers’ Week revelry. Commenting on the University’s Alcohol Policy, the Vice-President for Students, Mary Clayton, admitted that “obviously we can’t go on ignoring the continuous flouting of the Alcohol Policy. We are beginning to take action on it.” This comes after the College authorities reportedly took student cards at CraicSoc’s event outside Roebuck Castle. Clayton has “ten disciplinary meetings, ranging from walking around campus with open alcohol containers to more serious problems” alone on Monday, October 3rd. Disciplinary measures “range from fines to suspension or worse” as out- lined in the Student Code. However, Clayton asserted that the College can’t have “a standing army of security just for sit- uations where you have over 200 students causing trouble. All you can do then is contain the situation, which I think Services do very well,” affirming that “the security staff is fairly well resourced.” This has not been the reaction of some CraicSoc members who have claimed to have been “intimidated and bullied” by Services and Gardaí, and are scathing about Services ability, stating in their press release on September 23rd that “once again, CraicSoc outsmarted Services. We won’t gloat too much about this however, BRAWL AT THE BALL: ONE OF THE MANY DISTURBANCES ON CAMPUS SO FAR THIS YEAR because it is not a difficult feat.” The most substantial barometer of the rise in the most unrest filled days yet this year. who eventually had to be restrained by fellow stu- and vandalism on the rise and the numerous con- unrest on campus however, has to have been the In addition, minor skirmishes were reported dents and security personnel. traventions of the University’s Alcohol Policy, it increase in physical violence. With skips full of outside the Damien Dempsey gig at the Student Commenting on the Students’ Union’s role in appears that the spectre of unrest is looming refuse set ablaze on campus, along with rubbish Bar, Thursday, September 22nd. defusing violence on campus, SU President large over campus life for the present. As Mary bins along the N11, brawls outside the Student However, the most striking incident of a violent James Carroll stated that “we can’t exactly nanny Clayton promises action on the Alcohol Policy Bar and acts of vandalism elsewhere on campus, nature was evident at the Freshers’ Ball, with a people from campus events to their front door.” however, it remains to be seen whether UCD will Monday, September 5th has proven to be one of fight breaking out amongst a number of students, With violence breaking out at events, arson experience serious disturbances in the future. MODERATE SUCCESS OR MODULAR DISASTER? fore in the consciousness of students. up of the College’s administration. Being anti- University that they feel has no interest in them. With Horizons still in its On the other hand its’ advocates defend any establishment just for the sake of it is an under- Already there are concerns that the College’s infancy the jury’s verdict problems with that dreaded word ‘teething prob- standable temptation. emphasis on research will have negative connota- lems’ and claim that any new system will have However, it is difficult to remain positive about tions for students. Anecdotal evidence suggests remains out on its success. certain difficulties. modularisation in light of the letter handed out to that lecturers are spending less and less time with Certainly there is a middle ground between returning UCD students by Registrar Philip Nolan their students in order to return to their own stud- However, considerable those two viewpoints. informing them that they too would be able to ies. question marks remain In its purest theoretical form, Horizons, is a enjoy the benefits of modularisation by September In order to have any chance of promotion in noble and worthy idea. The fact that students can, 2006. UCD’s new structure one must be wholly commit- about its impact on UCD theoretically at least, choose subjects outside Forcing students into a modularised system in ted to research. their core modules can only be beneficial to stu- their final year is an awfully big risk to take. Mary Clayton argues, to an extent quite rightly, students and its roll out dents. Students may not be so quickly adaptable and the that in order to improve teaching, lecturers must throughout the rest of the The opportunity to receive as wide an educa- College should be reticent to engage in any be at the cutting edge of research. Yet, a fine bal- tion as possible cannot be criticised. Indeed, it actions that could jeopardise their degree. ance exists between the two. degree programmes in the would be unreasonable to expect any new system While it is certainly possible that students may She also argues that the two should not be in to run smoothly. When it comes to the introduction easily adapt to semesterised exams and a modu- opposition to each other. However, it seems that University. of any structure run by people, error must be larised system, every student is quite obviously excessive pressure put on lecturers to engage in expected. different. a ‘rat race’ of research will leave the students EOIN MAC AODHA UCD’s previous academic system also had Those students who entered UCD before short. considerable operational problems and was Horizons, particularly in the Humanities courses, The administration of Brady, Nolan et al must While it is too soon for a definitive con- unwieldy and archaic. applied without the knowledge that they would realise that while their aims are somewhat laud- clusion on Horizons already two camps Jane Horgan Jones, the Students’ Union possibly be subjected to a modularised degree. able their approach is far from it. Consultation with have emerged. Education officer, highlights some of the prob- The College have entered into a moral contract academics and crucially students must take place. lems; “contrary to the impression given by the with these students and they have an obligation to This does not mean token meetings but real, Its critics have been buoyed by reports of poor College at the Teaching and Learning board, I’ve them. credible and inclusive forums of discussion where timetabling and unavailability regarding certain had quite a substantial amount of people coming The aim of the Horizons programme is that it the concerns of students are aired and actually subjects. The recent announcement that there is down to me quite upset, not being able to do what will become UCD’s flagship, attracting students taken on board, in a transparent and constructive what Vice President for Students, Mary Clayton, they thought they’d be able to do once they came from around the country and across the world to manner. describes “as a clear wish” on the part of the to UCD,” its standardised, internationalised degree cours- If this does not take place far from becoming Registrar Philip Nolan to see modularisation rolled There is a danger to be anti-Horizons merely es. Ireland’s premier University UCD will slip even fur- out to include all years, pressing the issue to the because one does not agree with the new make Students will not however, wish to attend a ther down the pecking order.

8 TRIBUNE LEADERS 4.10.05 FAUSTUS TIME FOR AMERICA TO Erasing the past, BELATEDLY LEAVE IRAQ sodomising the future Dan Finn argues that American involvement in Iraq is causing turbulent fortnight in the cesspit of this most venerable insti- nothing but harm and argues that it’s time to allow Iraq to help itself tution has induced Faustus to believe that all of UCD’s hacks should be spliced, spleened and decapitated. Two years after George Bush proclaimed “mis- troops had been preceded by a massive anti-occupation .....Alternatively Faustus has always enjoyed the punish- sion accomplished”, Iraq still hasn’t sunk into march in April that brought 300,000 people onto the streets of Baghdad. The Bush administration would have you believe ment meted out to Prometheus. He feels that an eternity peaceful obscurity. that the only opposition to its presence in Iraq comes from Aspent tied to a rock having their livers pecked at by onrushing birds Appalling scenes of carnage on the streets of Baghdad and Sunni Muslims who want to restore Ba’athist rule. would do them the power of good. Then again, it might be too good for other Iraqi cities have forced it back onto the news agenda. Yet the demonstration had been called by Moqtada Al- the hacks of the corridor. The threat of civil war is now very real. Sadr, a Shia cleric, and the vast majority of the demonstrators Perhaps though even cowing to the pond life, is a message that they While the Americans and their supporters insist that foreign were Shi’ites. They burnt effigies of Saddam Hussein, George are of even minimal importance. A lengthy and erudite lecture on the troops must remain until Iraq’s problems have been solved, it Bush and Tony Blair, emphasising that they wanted neither is becoming more and more obvious that the US presence mating habits of the Chinese box turtle might prove more useful. the return of Saddam’s tyranny nor occupation by foreign itself is the main cause of those problems. Faustus misses, Richard Waghorne’s oh-so-informed ramblings on the troops. An American withdrawal may not end the violence in Iraq. No matter how often they are assured that American troops finer things in life. Faustus is sure “Tricky-Dicky-Pocket-Watch” But there will certainly be no peace as long as foreign troops are there to protect them from terrorism and safeguard Iraq’s Waghorne had a great time with his Republican chums in America and remain on Iraqi soil. march towards freedom, the Iraqi people draw different con- was so mortally upset when Richie lost that election. A fine if somewhat Too often the debate surrounding the Iraq war has focused clusions. delusional example of what a public servant should be. on its implications for western poli- Consider the experience A marked example in comparison to the ‘boyos’ currently inhabiting tics. This is hardly surprising, since of Falluja, the city that was the Union corridor. James ‘I can’t believe its not Teflon!” Carroll has the main voices in the debate, sacked by US-led forces last from Donald Rumsfeld to George surely been marked for greater things in the Fianna Fail party. Rumour year. In April 2003, US Galloway, have all been western- has it that Bertie has his talent scouts out in UCD to watch what many troops occupied a local sec- ers. Very little attention has been ondary school. excited Soldiers of Destiny are describing as the next big thing, some paid to what the Iraqis themselves When a crowd of peaceful say he could be better than Ray Burke. Or even – and say it quietly now have to say. demonstrators demanded – the big CJ. As you would expect, Iraqi opin- the re-opening of the school, Carroll is certainly learning the art of verbal gymnastics. Going so far ion contains many bitter divisions. they were fired on, with 13 as to accuse the Tribune of trying to put words in his mouth. James, all But it’s clear now that a consensus fatalities. Two days later, here at Tribune Towers reject the insinuation that we’re only after a has emerged among Iraqis in the US army machine- opposition to US policy – a con- story. All we want is for everyone to get along. And then write happy gunned another peaceful sensus that the “liberators” of the stories about how great everything is. march: two more civilians were Iraqi people have chosen to killed. For his part Dave “Google Image Search is my bestest friend” Curran ignore. This experience turned Falluja into a has had a particularly horrific week. The poor wee lost little boy refus- The elections that took place ear- hot-bed of armed resistance. It was punished for its defiance es to admit he’s done anything wrong. Obviously all those late nights lier this year were hailed by the Bush administration as a tri- by the US: in November of last year the city was flattened by and deadlines have affected the poor guy. umph for their policies. That they could make this claim with occupation forces. 200,000 refugees fled the city. In fairness though, he did, single-handedly, because he’s a hero, a straight face merely tells us something we already knew – The number of civilian casualties is unknown, because the manage to break all expectations and receive 178 nominations for these people will stand truth on its head without any shame or coalition forces took great care to silence eye-witnesses. The hesitation. Class Rep. A fantastic achievement. Faustus has been around UCD for first major operation carried out by US troops was their In reality, the people of Iraq used the elections as an oppor- many years and his heart has never swelled so much than when he assault on Falluja General Hospital. tunity to vote against the American military presence. According to the New York Times, “the hospital was select- heard the SU had received 178 nominations. Pride does not express Washington’s chosen candidate Allawi was heavily defeated. ed as an early target because the American military believed adequately the feelings that your humble shit-stirrer felt upon hearing The United Iraqi Alliance (UIA) was the clear winner. that it was the source of rumors about heavy casualties … this the news. A central plank of the UIA’s programme was the demand time around, the American military intends to fight its own Clearly primed for a career in politics Dave tried to cancel out any that a timetable be set for the withdrawal of foreign troops. information war.” negative feedback from the fact that he knowingly deceived the stu- George Bush responded bluntly: “we will not set an artifi- Doctors were arrested and the hospital was placed under dents of UCD with the news that 178 people were craven enough to cial timetable for leaving Iraq … we are in Iraq to achieve a military control. Journalists were also muzzled. Abdel Kader result.” apply for class rep. Al-Saadi, a journalist for Al-Arabiyah who was not “embed- Tony Blair was equally adamant. There is no question that In this case two wrongs most certainly don’t make a right. Faustus ded” with US troops, was arrested and detained for the length a majority of Iraqis want a timetable (even if it is an “artificial” of the siege. has some admiration that the permanently hatted one refuses to apol- one) to be announced. But pesky Iraqis are not allowed to Media coverage of Iraq is dominated by images of suicide ogise. He admires his dogged determination and his comic like ability make decisions about their own welfare. Washington knows bombings. But the most reliable survey shows that US-led to make jokes about it at council. best. forces have killed four times as many civilians as the anti- In other less exciting news the Freshers’ Ball went off without a hitch. Having hailed the bravery of those who came out to vote, occupation groups. Obviously it did include the usual brawls, lewd behaviour and drunken Bush and Blair then solemnly informed the Iraqi people that George Bush and Tony Blair have more blood on their antics, not to mention a poor headlining act (Mundy in 2003 anyone?); their wishes would be ignored. hands than the fundamentalist lunatics led by Abu Musab Al- In June of this year, 83 Iraqis MPs (almost one-third of the but where would the glamour and sophistication of the Freshers’ Ball be Zarqawi. Most Iraqis detest Al-Zarqawi and his ilk, but they total) put forward a motion in the National Assembly, restating without these staples of high-brow UCD nightlife? don’t see foreign troops as their protectors. On the contrary, the demand for a withdrawal timetable, and accusing the new they condemn the failure of the US to protect Iraqis from ter- A new addition to the convoluted social fabric of UCD may well have government of backsliding on its election promises under US rorism, and accuse them of fueling violence and sectarian arrived in the form of the personal safety alarms being sold by the good pressure. strife. folks in the corridor. Dan “Mushroom Head? More like broccoli” Falah Hassan Shneishel told a press conference that “the It’s too late for the occupation forces to play a constructive Hayden’s brainchild, these loud and noisy sonic grenades will surely be presence of the occupation forces gives a pretext for the con- role in Iraq. Whatever good-will Iraqis may have felt towards spicing up a lecture near you very soon and driving our lecturers ever tinuation of violence and terrorism that have taken the lives of them in 2003 has long since been squandered. closer to those inevitable nervous breakdowns. thousands of Iraqis.” Having killed thousands of civilians, re-opened Saddam’s A member of the victorious UIA, Abdul-Rahman al-Neeimi, It has also come to the divine Faustus’ attention that Campus torture chambers, and ignored the wishes of the Iraqi people, charged the US-led forces with having “used all possible University Network Television Station is to air very soon. Faustus is the “Coalition of the Willing” should now bow out as soon as means in order to provoke a sectarian strife in Iraq”, and con- possible, before it does any more damage. sure their not-so-exclusive interview with Dr. Cox will have them watch- cluded by saying: “we tell the occupation forces: hands off the If America announced its intention to withdraw from Iraq, it ing it for all of two seconds on the plush Iraqi people and let us heal our wounds by our own means.” would take the sting out of the insurgency and give the Iraqis leather sofas of the Student Centre in no time. This parliamentary opposition to the presence of foreign a chance to repair the mess. It’s time to go. Pamela “That’s Director-General to you” Newenham will have her work cut out trying to distract students from the shiny things on sale at the Kiosk. QUOTES OF THE FORTNIGHT At this stage Faustus would like to thank Jane Horgan Jones for “Sure Daniel Wang, he’s a bit of a living legend” being lovely. No offence UCD Student Union President James Carroll response to the revealation that Enda. She brightens up his day. Adieu my Daniel Wang was a fictitious character sweet. “The carpet was black, it smelled like urine, there was writing on all the walls from floor to ceiling and on the cabinets, there were holes in the walls and the front door was gone.” Josh Kimball, one of the USCB students who sub-let his apartment to Irish Students “I think there is, as there always has been for the last couple of years, a high expectation level that Ireland bring into the Six Nations” faustus Irish International rugby star Denis Hickey looks forward to the season ahead 4.10.05 LETTERS & EDITORIAL 9

The College Tribune reservesLETTERS the right to edit all letters. Box 74, Student Centre & The views expressed on this page are the views of the LG 18, John Henry Newman Building, Dublin 4 letter writers and do not reflect the views of the College Telephone: 01 - 7168501 Tribune. E-mail: [email protected] UCD? The whole city! Great! I've a toilet needs unblocking out on the northside and he sounds like the just the chap! He'll be out EDITORIAL CRAIC SOC tomorrow? Brilliant! 300 Euros and I can use the top notch bath- PRESS RELEASE room facilities in the Bar in the interim? Superb!) SANTA BARBARA If this is not the case and he was in fact elected President of UCDSU it is still odious (a bit like that toilet) for him to presume Craic Society issues Cornetto warning after “pissing out ass” to speak for all 'students' and even more so to decide unilateral- fiasco. he damage caused to the tune of $15,000 in Isla ly what they or do not care about. So odious, in fact, that I pro- The Craic Society wish to thank everybody who turned up to pose that once he has done his business and fixed the leak he be Vista, Santa Barbara, by Irish students seems the extravageansaí yesterday. Unfortunately, it did not go as 'left up' (geddit?) on the roof of Roebuck until he realises that to be endemic of current youth culture. planned. While various other societies are allowed to drink cans some students may be a little interested in, and, more important- in any manner they choose, we are herded around the campus The acts were perpetrated by students from ly, that they have every right to know, his doubtless fascinating like pariahs and lepers. affluent backgrounds who appear to have a opinion on, well, anything. Once again, Craic Soc outsmarted Services. We won’t gloat Tcomplete and utter disregard for property. too much about this however, because it is not a difficult feat. PS. I refer here only to his assertion re: 'left or right'. His mood, The pictures released to the College Tribune depict a After our initial rendezvous was disrupted by four Gardaí cars colour and orientation are, as he correctly states, private issues. and a bunch of services who intimidated and bullied those pres- sordid and craven scene. It seems impossible that anyone If he's getting 300 quid to unblock a jacks here and there I'd say ent, we decided that Top Secret Plan B would be instigated. could live in such a debased manner. he's usually in good form though. Everyone was told to disperse and regroup behind Roebuck It is also clear that these events have sullied the name Castle at 6pm, where we had a sound system already waiting. PPS. To Arts students: the toilet is, of course, odiferous. of Irish students and will impinge on future students trav- Then we cranked that motherfucker up and partied like it was 1993. Craic Soc has no respect for the college authorities and elling to America. PPPS. Mr Carroll will, he assures me, be out my side of the city their totalitarian regime. Seig Heil Herr Brady. Further to this, While Irish students are notorious for enjoying them- 'any day now' to see to it. The 'bleedin traffic' having been respon- Craic Soc is disgusted at the manner in which the (Back to Work sible for his numerous missed appointments. selves perhaps a little too much, events in Santa Barbara Programme) Services harass students and pathetically attempt have taken it too a new and worrying level. to be more intelligent than us. Craic Soc calls on all students Yours sincerely, never to hand over a student card. Even better, steal someone It is also clear that these incidents took place due to wild Brendan Cole, else’s and then hand that one over. parties and excessive alcohol consumption. UCD School of History Craic Soc claims responsibility for the crazy redhead who Few people would argue that students’ stop drinking, flashed her bountiful breasts at the bar staff and mooned indeed many would argue that it is essential to a rounded Services as one of our brave valiant soldiers of Craic. Tesie, the college experience. redhead in question, was reportedly heard to say, “I really should UCD SOCCER However, what occurred in Santa Barabara is beyond not have taken all those Class A’s this summer. I saw the guys in trouble and I realised that the only way to distract Services the archetypal drunk Irish student and can in many ways was to flash my tits.” Dear Sir, be seen as the maturation of the Celtic Tiger Cubs. Craic Soc will not be cowed. We will endeavour to bring Craic back to Belfield. From now on, we intend to use more innovative Never before have Irish students had so much money at The UCD AFC Supporters' Club was distressed to see that the organisational methods to provide drinking sessions on-campus. their disposal and come from such comfortable back- soccer section of your freshers' guide failed to note that UCD is, José Cappuccino of the Craic Soc Committee said last night, “I in fact,in Dublin. While we don't usually associate the glorious grounds. would rather have my testicles ravaged by a pack of seething semi-pro tradition of UCD AFC with overpaid mediocrity like Our newfound affluence has corrupted many Irish stu- hyenas than have my booze confiscated by those degenerate Shels and Bohs, or financially suspect relegation-fodder like Services. No-one stands in the way of me getting fucked up! dents and left them without any sense of duty or respect. Shamrock Rovers or St Pat's Athletic, we would appreciate it if a Mark my words, I will personally wreak havoc and revenge on all UCD paper producing a guide for the sake of UCD students those responsible for wreckin’ me buzz, man.” would be so nice as to notice that there is Craic Soc wishes to refute all rumours that we intend applying an eircom League ground hidden just a few minutes walk from for recognition. We are recognised en masse by the student DANIEL WANG their offices. No, we refer not to the mythical home ground of body. Society Treasurer Barney was heard to comment last Rovers, but instead to Belfield Park, which is over by Glenomena night as he was urinating against a Services van, “Craic Soc and the Nova Centre in the south-east of the campus. he fact that Daniel Wang was not a class rep in breathes a new life into the hearts and minds of disillusioned stu- 2002/03, was never a student in UCD and in fact dents who feel let down and ripped off by the large societies.” Yours etc., Miley from Glenroe, an honourary member of the Craic Soc does not exist leads to concern about the John Healy, Committee further claimed, “The Cornettos handed out during Students’ Union Deputy President. Engineering Freshers’ Week gave me diarrhoea. I’m not the only one either, Dave Curran is responsible for campaigns and there was a queue outside the jacks all night. The kebabs in Tas such was responsible for the posters plastered around Abrakebabra are also rumoured to be responsible for this ‘liquid campus encouraging students to run for class rep election. shit’ epidemic” As such, the buck must ultimately stop with him. It’s time to occupy our minds. OBITUARY Neither Curran, nor Students’ Union President James Craic Soc. Carroll, seem to believe they have done anything wrong. A UCD student tragically passed The poster has, however, misrepresented an individual away over the summer months. and in effect lied to the students of UCD, the people that the SU PLUMBING Union are supposed to represent and the people that pay Darius Vasseghi, an engineering their wages. In addition to this, the poster is open to claims of tokenism SERVICE? student, died as a result of Sudden and sends out all the wrong signals to foreign students’ in Cardiac Death Syndrome. UCD. Sir, The impact of this issue could have been greatly reduced Quoting UCDSU President James Carroll: "If there's a leak in The College Tribune would like to if Dave Curran apologised for his actions and admitted that (sic) the roof in Roebuck, students don't care if I'm left or right, extend its’ sincere sympathies to it was wrong to place the fictitious Daniel Wang on the up or down, black or white, gay or straight as long as the roof is fixed". Darius’ family and his many friends poster. in UCD. Curran’s refusal to admit that he was wrong, or indeed Was James Carroll elected Head Plumber? (Does he just do even to realise he was wrong, raises serious concerns regarding his competency. The Students’ Union must be an institution that students can trust. In light of the current developments this is far from GET ON THE RIGHT ROAD a certainty. 716 8501 The Union must be applauded for their stance on the roll WRITE FOR THE out in modularisation and indeed most other aspects of [email protected] their work. COLLEGE TRIBUNE Or call into our office anytime However, the response of both Dave Curran and James at LG18 in the Arts Block Carroll and their attempts to threat the matter in a trivial and light-hearted manner is appalling. In order for trust to be restored in the Union a full and gen- uine apology must be issued. NEWS • FEATURES • MUSIC • PHOTOGRAPHY • FILM • SPORT• COLOUR 10 FEATURES 4.10.05 “FRANKLY MY DEAR I DON’T GIVE A DAMN” In an age of equal rights, instant gratification and ‘independent women,’ it seems the day of the “gentlemen” has become truly numbered. Eileen O’Malley ponders the question; where have all the gentlemen gone? Where were they in the first place, I It goes much deeper than that. Have all the The basics are as follows: it’s not rocket science. It’ll charm the hardest of hear you cry? As the great philoso- equality of the sexes and feminism you want, but • Opening doors. This is a classic move and women. there is still room in our society for courtesy, man- one that has definitely become a rarity around • Offer her your coat. Old fashioned maybe, but phers; ‘Destiny Child’ once said, we ners, kindness and a dash of chivalry. By all Belfield. Be watchful of girls behind and in front of it’s the small details that count. may well be ‘independent women’, but means this cuts across gender boundaries, but you, then it’s just of case of keeping the door open • Carry her stuff. Whether it is her pink hand- that doesn’t mean women don’t still there is something to be said for the survival of for them. Eye contact is encouraged. A wink is bag or her books, offer to lend a hand. have the desire to be swept off their feet the ‘gentleman’ in a society that has become not, as it borders on sleazy. Gentlemen should • Offer your seat. Yes our shoes are usually as wrapped up in anonymity and instant gratification. never be sleazy. uncomfortable as they look. occasionally and treated like the ladies Rumour has it that men, or should I say boys, • Refrain from sleazy activity. This includes that they are. are only ever ‘gentlemen’ to the girls they fancy or • Walk a girl to her door, bus stop, taxi, leering, (we do in fact notice that its not our eyes There is no need to start ‘men bashing’, nor is want to lunge (refer to page 23). Shocking isn’t it? Nightlink, etc. There is nothing worse then being your looking at) drunken rambling and chat up there a desire to bring us back to the days of yore, But the mark of a true man is one that does not left to wander the dark streets of Dublin alone in attempts. when men were men and women were seen discriminate between; size eight perky blondes the early hours of the morning. We may insist that • And finally - Be careful not to come across as rather than heard. Rather, this is a plea to all men and the more “robust” ladies among us. we’re well capable of walking there alone, but it’s a cocky b**stard. Simple. Confidence is intrinsic to rediscover their swath internal ‘Mr. Darcy’ as it But what does it take to be a true gentleman? a lie used to test you. Leave us to walk alone and with mastering the art of being a gentleman, cock- were and re-discover the art of being a true gen- It’s more than just opening doors and buying din- you have failed miserably. iness is not. There is a fine but important line tleman. ner. It is in fact an attitude. Some would even go between them. This does not however, mean ‘generously’ buy- as far as to call it a ‘lifestyle choice’. • Offer to pay. Emphasis on the word ‘offer.’ If ing the girl you fancy one too many vodka’s, in the Being a gentleman has nothing to do with afflu- the girl is anyway decent she’ll pay her way equal- Once these basics are perfected it’s just a case hope that she’ll get so hammered that you’ll actu- ence and everything to do with maturity and ly now and again. But there is nothing worse than of being yourself, if not a more refined version, ally have a chance with her. Nor does it mean charm. Boys take note, once mastered; being a a cheap date, so offer to pay when you can. remembering to say please and thank you, then sharing your curry chips at the end of the night gentleman will reap its own rewards. Mastering add a dash of suave and sprinkle of sophistication because you were too damn scabby to buy her a such an art form should not be hard, it just takes • Compliments. This one speaks for itself. Don’t and you are on your way to becoming a true gen- bag. practice. wait to be prompted, just tell her she looks well, tleman. Let the swooning begin. TOILET HUMOUR AND THE FAIRER SEX A brave Christina Finn dons her rubber gloves and reports from the literary treasure trove that is the women’s toilets and uncovers some startling discoveries about the female psyche. The world today revolves around our abil- hypothetical question. The ‘What would you do…. ‘. ity to express ourselves. All we ever seem It is pure genius and we have all used it at one stage to get some advice not for us of course but for to talk about is our emotions, our feelings a friend. and the array of problems we experience. One such girl wrote in one of the library toilets, Everywhere we turn it’s around us, Oprah, Dr. “What would you do if you slept with someone and have some many orange people in UCD!” Thank God, it’s Phil, Trisha and all those other self help programmes thought they were sound and then he blanks you morals in UCD. about time somebody said it! where poor lost souls divulge their problems for the after?” Here is a girl with a very common student The walls do not only speak of our love prob- Loneliness appears to be a major problem world to see. problem seeking some help and guidance, which a lems. People also appear to be a little con- occurring here in U.C.D. It wasn’t to long ago I Well we are no differ- fellow student responds, “Cut off his ****!” fused about their college choices, and instead was a meek little first year, lets not forget that ent, a fact I found out on Another such of seeking the professional advice from the this place can be pretty daunting without the our very own campus. available services they turn to the support of friends. This problem is a key theme Yes people, we too are walls for the guidance that will ulti- recurring in our campus graffiti. self- obsessed with our mately shape their future. This lonely girl seems to have no one else to little problems but One such female asks the life- talk to but the wall, “I wish was dead, I hate unlike many others we changing question “Should I quit UCD, I’ve no friends.” A caring student replies, have somewhere to college cause I hate it?” “Grow up you are pathetic”. Real understand- vent our frustration Well the answer is clear to one with our lives. student who says “Do Politics!” and ing. Sure that’s just what she needed to hear. We however, have to another who adds “Don’t do “I have recently returned to UCD and I’d like found a way of seek- History, do Irish!” It’s good to see to get in contact with my old classmates, how ing help with anonymi- we all look out for each other here, should I go about this?” writes one student. Is ty. Where you ask? even to the anonymous student the cubicle wall really the only contact network What a better place when they need expert advice. “The she could use? Is there such a lack of help that but the toilet walls. more I study, the more I learn, the one must resort to writing their problems in These walls display more I learn, the more I forget, the such a desperate way? an array of problems more I forget, the less I learn, so Although it can’t be denied that this toilet that our fellow stu- why study!” Another fine example of graffiti problem solving could be simply a load dents are experienc- toilet poetry! of crap, no pun intended, one can’t deny that it ing from course So is this graffiti a form of expres- does touch the surface of a lot of student prob- choices, heartache sion or are people simply having a lems. and break-ups, sexu- laugh? The walls have become We all laugh about the new writings on the al health to just basi- somewhat like an internet forum for wall in the toilets or theatres, and think that it’s cally being lonely the students where one posts up hilarious and a godsend through those killer and having no one about some meaningless trivial lectures when we’d rather read the table than else to talk to but the things and get yet more meaningless the handout, but these problems can be some- wall. responses! what normal to everyday student life. As we are such a caring bunch of folk here at UCD problem in the same category I have a theory that this vandalism Of course they can be somewhat exagger- we do not leave these desperate beings in the dark was “What would you do if your boyfriend cheated is simply a form of venting out what we’re think- ated, but these problems could have some sort to deal with their grief alone, no, the toilet walls have on you with your mate?” This sparked pretty much ing or what we’re angry about. Instead of become a whiteboard, a messaging service and a the same response as above but also throwing in a screaming at the person next to you in the of root to someone’s real life dilemma so you helpline to many. bit of punishment for the mate! One response got library about how much you hate studying or never know they could be helping someone I noticed that U.C.D graffiti is no longer just the “I straight to the point by just stating “MEN R EVIL!” about how if they don’t stop breathing so feel they aren’t alone in UCD. On the other LOVE…” with a big heart surrounding it. We are far An additional response came from a girl who bloody loudly your going to slam your laptop hand if you’re in the mood for a giggle why not more specific and somewhat more explicit. chose to lend a helping hand by writing down the over their head, students seem to retreat quiet- check out the scandal or the new Ode to a pint People go into detail about their relationships and number of a ‘hot man’ who she had a great night ly to the bathroom to vent their frustration and of vodka! what’s going on with them. One of the most popular with. Sharing is caring as they say! Another student voice their anger at the world. You never know what you might find, some ways it seems to tell all about your crappy love life spoke out about her relationship with a married man One girl did this, and I think she speaks for love life advice, career guidance a listening ear without acknowledging that it is yours is the good old for which she was abused about, good to see we still all of us when she writes, “BAN THE TAN- Too or if you are lucky a hot guy’s phone number! 4.10.05 FEATURES 11 “THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT LEFT US DRY” As America recovers from barrages against its homeland Eoin Mac Aodha speaks to Patrick Clarke, an Irish student who spent 3 days in the New Orleans Superdome.

“That’s the one thing that the TV cam- “if you can’t leave town, go to the Superdome, eras just can’t tell you about. The smell that’s where the national guard are going to be, that’s where you’ll get food and water and all the of the place was just unbearable. There rest.” was no running water, no flushing Initially, they were just happy to be in the water. People were just walking around dome, “we were thinking lets’ just wait for the hur- in waste, it was just vile, absolutely dis- ricane to pass and then we’ll go home. That’s the gusting.” attitude and that was the attitude everyone else had in the dome as well. We’re all in this togeth- Like so many Irish students, Patrick Clarke er, we’ll all get out of this together, lets’ just grin spent his summer working in America with a cou- and bear it.” ple of friends in the tranquil surrounds of Myrtle However, as the rations began to run out and Beach, North California. At the end of the sum- cabin fever set in, the atmosphere in the dome mer, they bucked the traditional trend o- began to sour. f heading off to New York, Las Vegas or Chicago “There were just children everywhere, babies and instead chose to holiday in New Orleans. everywhere, families everywhere, not having Patrick and his friends were in New Orleans for enough food not having enough water, just five days before Hurricane Katrina hit. grouped together. As time went on people started Staying in a hostel with no TV or radio the lads getting a lot more frustrated, you’d have to queue were oblivious to the oncoming storm, they were two or three hours just to get breakfast, that’s no “just out having a good time, watching the news wasn’t exactly a big deal, We didn’t even get any problem, but when they only give you one meal word form the hostel to tell us that the hurricane and two bottles of water to do you for five or six was coming, in fact we actually paid $35 each to hours. get into the Superdome on the Friday night Peoples tempers were starting to get frayed, before the storm hit to see a New Orleans Saints they started arguing, we saw the beginnings of football match. It was only when we were in the fights starting, once you heard certain noises you sports shop that we saw the weather channel wouldn’t go down and queue for food because briefly and there was some blurb about a hurri- you knew that the crowd was just going cane yet everyone was ignoring it and having a bananas.” good time.” Media reports regarding Katrina concentrated At this early stage, the general feeling around on the racial divisions in New Orleans and the the city was that there was a storm coming, they fact that it was the black community who were would hole up in their houses for a couple of forced to stay and brave the storm. As part of a days and emerge unscathed. Hurricanes were a minority of white people in the Superdome, fact of life, just something that happened. No big Patrick, rejects allegations that white people were deal, life would go on. treated in any way differently. It was only when the lads went to get their con- In the end, they were evacuated from the necting flight to New York on their way home that Superdome “because it was eventually too dan- they realised that the storm was serious. All gerous for us to be there and up to that we flights out of New Orleans had been cancelled, weren’t being treated in anyway different or told as had all trains and buses, leaving them no anything different.” option but to wait the storm out. They left the arena as the first reports of rape “We were getting a bit nervous, part of the and attacks began to filter through, hours before adventure, it doesn’t really matter and then we “stuff really started to go down”. started talking to people and realised that this As the post mortem continues over the govern- was a lot worse than people were making it out ments response to the hurricane, Patrick believes to be. that “The federal government left us dry, they did “After we found out the flight was cancelled nothing to help us, it was the good people on the we went round to get supplies, tinned foods and ground in New Orleans that are the only reason microwaveable meals.” we are alive. It was the National Guard, it was the Like many international travellers, Patrick and medical staff, it was the people actually there his friends decided to stay in the hostel. However, doing the work, that was the reason it was not a as the days went by, more and more were evac- complete disaster, I can’t praise these people uated to the Superdome. They were advised that enough. The government did nothing.” HURRICANE KATRINA: AS IT DEVASTATES NEW ORLEANS Thinking about your future? Come along to COMMERCIAL FEATURE CAREERS FAIR UCD ON CAMPUS The Careers Office has organised a Careers Fair on campus on 13 October, mainly for final year undergraduate and postgraduate students seeking to start their careers in summer/autumn 2005. CAREERS The Fair will take place from 11.00am to 4.00pm in O’Reilly Hall, adjacent to the lake. Many of the employers attending will also have summer internships for penultimate year students. The Fair is also open to recent UCD graduates. Over 60 employers and organisations will be present and the opportunity FAIR will exist for students and graduates of all disciplines. Some employers at the fair may also accept CV’s and applications at the fair. ***THURSDAY 13 OCTOBER*** Some employers present at the fair include: Abbott Ireland Diagnostics Division, ACCA Ireland, Accenture, AHEAD (to be confirmed), AIB Group, Aldi Stores Ireland, Anglo Irish Bank, Arthur Cox, At O’REILLY HALL, BELFIELD Bank of Ireland Group, BCM Hanby Wallace, BDO Simpson Xavier, Bristol- Myers Squibb, Canada Life, CIMA, Citigroup, Civil Service, The College of 11.00 am - 4.00 pm Law, Deloitte, Diageo – Guinness, Baileys, Smirnoff, Dunnes Stores, Enterprise Rent-a-Car, Ernst & Young, ESL Opportunities, FAS Overseas • Meet 60 employers & organisations on one day Graduate Programme, Glanbia, Gradireland, Grant Thornton, IBM, Inst of • Opportunities for students and graduates of all disciplines Certified Public Accountants (CPA), Inst of Chartered Accountants in Ireland, Intel Ireland, International Fund Services (Ireland), Investors Trust Ireland, Irish • Final year, postgraduates, and penultimate year students Cement, i-to-i Ireland, JET Programme, Kerry Group, Kingspan Group, • Collect application packs and find out about recruitment procedures Kinnear Chartered Accountants, KPMG, McCann FitzGerald, McKinsey & Company, Mars Inc, Matheson Ormsby Prentice, Mazars, Murex Advanced Organised by UCD Careers and Appointments Office Technologies, Perot Systems, Pfizer Ireland Pharmaceuticals, PricewaterhouseCoopers, Procter & Gamble, Public Appointments Service, Quintiles Ireland, RPS Group, Servier (Irl) Industries, SIG, Stryker Instruments, Further details on www.ucd.ie/careers Tyndall National Institute (formerly NMRC), UCD Postgraduate Studies, UCD Smurfit School, Xilinx Ireland. 12 FEATURES 4.10.05 WHIPPING CLINTON INTO SHAPE Kate Hayes talks to Bill Clintons former speechwriter Ted Widmer and talks about George Bush, Whips and Iraq

Phrases like ‘a way with words’ and ‘an to get into the rhythms of the other person. PHOTO: FILE ability to work under pressure’ come to That’s a very important part of it I think, to learn those rhythms and then adopt them”. mind when describing a Presidential For the former Whitehouse staff-member speechwriter and certainly Ted certain expressions for him have become syn- Widmer, a former speechwriter for onymous with the Clinton Presidency. “He liked President Clinton, seems to have those the words opportunity and responsibility which he said helped to reinforce that he didn’t want in abundance. to be just a liberal, it was claiming to be entitled It’s a job, however, he may never have had. to something. He said it was very important for The FBI, it seems, were deeply concerned about people to have the chance to do something and Widmer’s glam rock past and in particular one then also to exercise that right with responsibil- song he wrote entitled ‘Monarchy in the USA’. ity.” “They asked me if I was a practising monarchist It is Clinton’s personality and style of and I replied practising no.” he says with a smile. address, which feature prominently in the That was 1997 only the beginning of what speech Ted Widmer gives to a packed room in would be five years in the Whitehouse for him, the aptly named William Jefferson Clinton firstly, as Director of Speech-Writing in the Auditorium in UCD. Describing the former National Security Council and then, from 2000, as President as “a world-class talker” he paints a a Senior Advisor to President Clinton. portrait of an erudite and passionate leader He clearly has many fond memories but it with a gift for oratory. seems his visit to Ireland as Clinton’s principal Clinton, he says, spoke with a much “more speechwriter during that historic time of the Good musical way of speaking, a sing-song sound Friday Agreement in 1998 stands out. “The Irish more like that of the Irish accent” than most speeches were really fun. It was really a joyful people from the south would. This combined experience because the mood was good and the with a simple, conversational style drew people reception was going to be good and we knew the in. Irish people liked Bill Clinton. It was a new approach to speechmaking Also the areas of culture Widmer feels. and politics and history to I’d call him a decent “Up until him explore were very rich, so Presidential to sit around reading about speaker but if he’d oratory was Irish literature and history is very formal and really very satisfying” been a little more only certain At that time the possibili- words could be ty of impeachment loomed relaxed, a little used. Bill large on the horizon for smoother especially Clinton did Clinton following the something Monica Lewinsky scandal. in the kind of TV new.” Northern Ireland was he This ease on says “the turning point in “ setting that Bill stage is leg- Clinton’s Presidency”. It endary. Who was at a speech made at a Clinton is so good in can forget that mall in Armagh at 5pm” he I think he would famous describes “The mall was in moment when the centre, a Protestant have done better the church faced it on one side teleprompter and a Catholic church on the other”. broke during a speech and Clinton continued There on that Irish evening Clinton likened talking for eight full minutes until the screen Northern Ireland to Kosovo and Israel, opening was fixed. people eyes to the fact that their struggle is not an It is an incident emblematic of Clinton’s ease isolated one. For Widmer “that was when Bill on stage. A skill Widmer feels John Kerry lacks. Clinton really found his legs as a Presidential “I don’t think he’s a bad speaker but I don’t peacemaker”. know if I’d call him a great speaker either. I’d Responding to last week’s announcement that call him a decent speaker but if he’d been a lit- the IRA have destroyed all their arms Widmer tle more relaxed, a little smoother especially in harks back to Clinton’s involvement “I thought this the kind of TV setting that Bill Clinton is so good happened in George Bush’s Presidency but it in I think he would have done better. I don’t really goes back to the conversations and the remember him doing a whole lot of those con- enormous personal involvement Bill Clinton had versational interviews and I think if he were bet- with these problems. Bill ter at it he Clinton’s obviously not The Iraq response would would have President but it’s nice to been more suc- see there’s still some have been very different. cessful” echoes of his time.” President An utterly modest man, Bush went in before the Bush also Widmer, jovially summaris- world community had a doesn’t match ing the work of a speech- up: “I think he’s maker as “here’s our policy chance to make up its much better make it sound pretty”. than people Speaking more seriously, mind and as a result the say but he still however, he states that US“ was viewed as an can’t touch while a speechwriter’s influ- Clinton. You ence is not huge neither aggressor. I don’t think often get the should it be overlooked. feeling he “You are shaping the Clinton would have done doesn’t like to TED WIDMER: FORMER GLAM ROCKER AND PRESIDENTIAL SPEECH WRITER word that will become a be on stage Presidential speech, that is what Bush did with Clinton for US was viewed as an aggressor. I don’t think very hard career and a somewhat thankless one not unimportant. You’re that reason.” Clinton would have done what Bush did” even from those who you work for but it is a often in a position of brokering a dispute between Of course it’s not the only comparison that can A quiet, humorous man, Ted Widmer resem- tremendously fascinating one. I think their needs different important people who want a speech to be drawn between the two leaders. Despite bles more an academic than a former Presidential to be a bit of the maverick in a good speech- say something. You are the next to final author, Clinton having spent two terms in office, a feat speechwriter, so it unsurprising that he has since writer.” Clinton himself is the final author, so you are mak- achieved by only three other Democratic returned to his roots and is currently Director of Certainly The Washington Post think so, they ing decisions that do have meaning for the quali- Presidents, Widmer senses that Clinton is disap- the C.V Starr Centre for the Study of the printed a picture of Widmer with his glam rock ty of the speech and the policies that are referred pointed to never have got the chance to solve an American Experience at Washington College, band, The Upper Crust, on the front cover of their to in it.” enormous problem like Iraq. The opportunity for Chestertown. Speechwriting is something he Style section just shortly after he had started at Unavoidably the speechwriter becomes inextri- greatness only comes with the chance to solve a doesn’t see himself returning to, not even for the Whitehouse. In the shot he was dressed in full cably linked with whom he is writing for. “When major problem. Hilary Clinton? regalia and holding a whip. you think of a spark of an idea often it’s in some While he readily admits that Clinton did publicly “I think she’s a very impressive person, she’s So any jamming sessions with President way a response to what he has already said. So support the sending of troops to Iraq he views it extremely different from her husband. I think my Clinton in the Oval Office? “ No I never did, I wish you start thinking what would Bill Clinton like to be more as a goodwill gesture from one President to style fitted with Bill Clinton’s style and I’m not sure I had I ‘m sure it would be really fun. I don’t know saying up there, so even if you come up with a another. He is adamant things would have been it would work as well with her. I do admire her and if he plays the sax nearly as often as people think. new formulation he is, in some way, the author very different if Clinton had been President. “The I think she’s going to run, I don’t know if she’s I think it’s probably the last thing he’d ever imag- before you have even come up with a new idea” Iraq response would have been very different. going to win but I don’t expect to be her speech- ine--to appear with me on a rock stage. But the Writing a speech for someone requires famil- Bush went in before the world community had a writer.” fact that he loved music was one of the many iarity with their manner of speaking. “You do start chance to make up its mind and as a result the It is a job he says for a younger person. “It’s a things I liked about him.” 4.10.05 FEATURES 13 THE WORLD IS NOT ENOUGH The College Tribune’s very own Young Indiana Jones, Derry Nairn, sets aside his whip and Stetson to bring us tales from the Orient. In this first instalment our man travels through the urban jungles of China

THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA: ONE OF THE MANY SIGHTS OUR INTREPID REPORTER PERUSED TO ON HIS EPIC JOURNEY

I believe it was Terry Pratchett who a shared but rather unhealthy appetite for explor- chimneys belched their contents into the sky. And home. We careered from hostel to acrobatics wrote that nine times out of ten, it’s the ing the Oriental, the unknown and the exotic. everywhere, life! show to street side barbecue. As we did, we tried The location and sailing time of the ferry was Perhaps we were still more stunned after many to learn from the locals around us who consistent- one in a million chances that come off. completely unknown to us. So unknown in fact hours of the still and peaceful silence of the open ly and miraculously failed to get hit by the chok- I’ve had two months now to reflect from that we came uncomfortably close to missing it water, but the irresistible image of bustling activi- ing, hurtling traffic, try as they might. We rested the relative safety of the Arts Block on outright, our twelve months studying precision ty that greeted us upon arrival in China will echo under the grimacing shadows of Pudong and sat my idiotically haphazard journey from Japanese punctuality having come to naught. And within me for a long time. Then, as is usually the countless babies on our knees for countless pho- who would have guessed? One of the first people case at such moments, there was little time for tos. We walked by the river where huge cargo Japan to Finland. I somehow completed we bumped into onboard was one of the last we reflection. ships sail past, continuing to hoot deep into the it all unscathed, the whole summer would have expected. We were landed at one of these brick struc- night. We got lost. seems now as if it was blessed from Sonically distorted by her goat shed of a ruck- tures, our passports were quickly stamped, a taxi Then, out of nowhere, a girl appeared on a start to finish by a particularly generous sack, Roisin’s hefty accent was confusingly simi- was hailed in a flurry of words and arms and then scooter and not only took us to the ferry upriver, lar to those of the other mostly Chinese voices we were off, our noses literally stuck to the win- but insisted on paying for all three of our tickets as guardian angel. around her. Once I’d dow, our irises well as her own. There were Crossing Mongolian established she wasn’t soaking up every no tourists on it. The passen- borders and negotiat- speaking a Mandarin second of the gers were ordinary working ing Chinese red light Our ship cast away. Then we were districts is all well and dialect but a Youghal one sights like people, unable to afford the good for the locals and The three of us plied however, I was delighted, sponges. quicker but dearer tunnel those of us with an even more so on finding Now, from the off, our noses lit- crossing, let alone the five- accompanying film each other with out about her recent com- vantage point of dollar Budweisers at the river- crew (Ewan pletion of exactly the route home, I dwell on erally stuck to front cafes where we had just McGregor, I’m looking cheap Chinese beer through Russia, albeit in the experience. My been. They massed along the in your direction). Your the opposite direction, initial excitement the window, our side of the boat, backs to us, average Wicklow boy, and probing ques- which I had been planning reminds me of how tipping its weight and watch- however, is another to take. Marco Polo won- irises soaking up ing the neon lights of the case entirely. Then tions...We“ passed the Our ship cast away. The dered at what he “ majestic old Bund colonial dis- again planning ahead three of us plied each saw upon arrival in every second of trict spring onto the oil-slicked has never really been time so successfully I other with cheap Chinese Cathay. At the water like fire. a strongpoint. And I beer and probing ques- time, that civilisa- A particularly obvious sight don’t remember plan- have little memory of tions as we sailed serene- tion dwarfed the sights like in Shanghai, it was one we ning featuring much in ly past the jagged lime- Europe in terms of would notice wherever we the selection process them sponges of my compadre stone-islands of Shikoku commerce, trade, went. Whether it was shown either, one Almudena through the narrow Straits art and population. to us by that night on the ferry, Escobar Lopez. This character was a loud, proud of Shimonoseki, and beyond into a golden dusk While I visited China, it never really left my mind or later, by the peasant I saw wheeling a cart past and only partially Anglophile Spaniard. We were on the East China Sea. that this is something it has become fashionable a Ferrari or the co-existence of tin-roofed shanty two of a kind in our antipathy for organisation and, It took three starry nights to reach our destina- to say might soon happen again. towns alongside towers of steel and glass, one if we had to be put in boxes, you could say that tion. We passed the time so successfully I have But we had more immediate concerns. It was thing above all struck us about China; the inequal- our favourite sections of the Lonely Planet were little memory of them. On the morning of the taking time to adjust. Not only did the constant ity of the place is staggering. I should have known ‘Food’ and ‘Diseases, Dangers & Annoyances’ fourth day, we awoke on our bunks not to the tropical humidity pose problems, the two of us it though. respectively. And we did have a Lonely Planet, usual pitch and roll of the waves but to a consid- also had to contend with new foods, new curren- A friend had warned me before I set out, the which must say at least something for our powers erately gentle announcement on the loudspeaker: cy, a new language and not least, Chinese eti- common question of whether it’s a capitalist or of preparation. Shanghai! quette: a whole new way of doing things. But that communist country is irrelevant because in it’s Just like Mandarin though, a little context is Out on deck in the newly weighted morning air, is the lot of the backpacker, skimming and flicking current guise, it actually represents the most terri- essential. Many and various are the reasons we the passengers had already gathered to listen to through cultures like the pages of a book to the ble aspects of both. found ourselves walking the steep steps of the the lulling seagulls and passing cargo ships cho- rhythm of a train timetable. And we were lucky. meticulously cleaned and whitewashed gangway rus our welcome. We were steaming up the We had our friend Yan to help us, a friend met of the Osaka to Shanghai ferry this hot, late June. mouth of the Yellow river. On either bank, smoky back in Waseda University, a proud guide and, Derry continues his journey in the The main two reasons were the need to return red brick warehouses crumbled into the water and more importantly, a local. home from an Erasmus year spent in Tokyo and stretched away to the horizon where countless He took us through the dusty streets of his next College Tribune 14 SCRUB’S DAY 4.10.05 THEATRE L Alan Tully Rubs Cox up the right way PHOTOS: JOHN WALSH

A REMARKABLE PUBLICATION: CLEARLY JOHN C. MCGINLEY HAS EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD TASTE When John C. McGinley walks into a room, its three pages of single space monologue and you Zach’s a bit feminine as you can tell.” you know the man has arrived. In a secret have to get it in your noodle and elevate it to the stu- About getting the job as Cox back in 2001, dio floor, it becomes a hell of a challenge. So I’ve got McGinley comments that, “It was very traditional real- location in the Arts Block a mini media con- to humanize the character and not just make him act ly. They made me come in for auditions over and voy awaited the arrival of the actor. like a machine, and I guess that’s my input.” over… I think about five times. The creator of the Somehow he would reach the room with- Of course the world wants to know how similar the show, a young guy called Bill Lawrence, who inciden- out having to pass the five hundred stu- actor is to his on screen persona. Thankfully for any- tally looks exactly like Matthew Perry, said they had one interviewing him, McGinley was not about to bite wanted me the whole time, so when I heard that I dents waiting for his entrance to Theatre L off heads, verbally abuse or otherwise call any male guess I had my first Perry Cox moment by saying later in the evening and the further thou- by a girl’s name tonight. ‘Jeez why didn’t you just offer it to me?” sand that waited outside in a vain attempt “Cox is probably a hell of a lot smarter than I am,” “But in TV there are a lot of chefs in the kitchen, to get in or even glimpse the cult legend. he concedes. “He’s epically unimpeachable and that’s let’s see, there are the folks at NBC, and then at why he’s so hard on the kids in the show. I mean he’s Disney, then the producers so everyone gets a say As he struts down the corridor, the ladies of Lawsoc a great doctor and if you were in Sacred Heart you’d about casting. You’ve got to do the whole dog and whisper in unison “Ooh Dr. Cox is coming.” The whole want him and not one of the other bozos. He treats pony trick all the way down the line.” affair could be reminiscent of the Beatles landing in them that way to make them better and at the same But of course, the ‘Scrubs’ gig is only the latest in a the United States forty years ago, albeit without the time he’s at war with Kelso and the administration long line of works by the veteran actor. He began airport and the fine hairstyles. who obviously cut corners when they can.” studying to be an actor at New York University in a The most surprising thing about McGinley is the Evidently he sees Dr. Cox as much of a challenge graduate programme and after that got out and did voice. It’s a deep booming American drawl, some dis- as a joy to create and stresses that a lot of other peo- about a dozen Broadway plays, including the epic tance away from the ple are involved in ‘Danny and the nasal, eternally irritated bringing him to life. Deep Blue tone that has endeared Since Cox is a bit of Cox, as we all know, Dean Caine from Sea’. In Danny, him as a cult hero to mil- suffers from just he was under- lions as his alter ego a bastard, the way I about every kind of Superman kicked my study to John Perry Cox on ‘Scrubs’. stress that a modern Turturro, but The hit show made a play him seems to fit. man bears while still ass, but I got my graced the huge impression five remaining opera- stage when years ago when it hit the I’ve been lucky tional. The writers, money. It was fifteen Turturro was screens along with a producers and called away to wave of comedy shows grand so I loved it. enough to be able to McGinley get a lot filming. including ‘Arrested fun out of stretching Then a soap Development’ and ‘Curb play both sides, com- It’s the only skeleton “ Perry in as many “ opera called Your Enthusiasm’, which directions as possi- ‘Another World’ changed the face of the edy and drama. For in my closet, and I ble. He shows how followed. He US sitcom entirely. even co-star Zach got bit parts in A mix of clever writing me, it’s all a matter of know your just trying Braff has an unin- a couple of and McGinley’s imper- tended input into the movies before sonation of a man what’s on the page to take the piss now! whole girl’s name Oliver Stone doomed to a life of ever- gag. asked him on board ‘Platoon’ as ‘Sgt. O’Neill’ in 1986. lasting frustration has made Dr. Cox a household “Well when the writers give me these three and four Originally he was given a far smaller role, but when name and one of the most popular TV characters of page rants, they’re never about driving the story for- the original O’Neill, actor John Spencer, dropped out, his time. ward. Most of the time they just want to see if McGinley got the spot. “Well apart maybe from the Janitor,” quips the McGinley can do these verbal gymnastics.” Since that momentous piece he has been heavily actor, “he was voted America’s second favourite TV He continues,“In the first year the writers had it just involved in the big screen and has done over fifty persona last year.” fine, but I guess after five years they don’t mind a lit- films, and produced five others. In 1990 he moved out As one of the central characters of the ensemble tle help. But they’re all barking anyway. Sacred Heart to Malibu and continued in film until Scrubs came cast though, McGinley must feel Cox cannot be is actually an abandoned hospital and we housed along in 2001 decided his fate. replaced without the show ending, but how does he them in the psychiatric ward!” His career cannot be looked at without mentioning feel his input into creating the character made the “But with the transitional humour, say when Cox the massive influence of Oliver Stone. McGinley has world’s most sarcastic medic helped make him into a calls JD a girl’s name, I’ve got full involvement. It was worked with the legendary director a number of times cult figure? something my friends and me used to do all the time. on films such as ‘Wall Street’ and ‘Any Given Sunday’. “To be honest I thought it was right there on the We’ve got a board in the production office that I add Describing his relationship with Stone, he said, page. The writers literally had him down right from the names to all the time; I think we’ve used a hundred “Well, Oliver Stone used to put a lot of slack on the beginning,” John C. frankly admits, “Though they kept without repeating them, well maybe once. Anyway leash for different roles I played with him over the SCRUBS DAY SCRUBS DAY making the speeches longer and longer. You know, if 4.10.05 SCRUB’S DAY 15 LOVES COX years. While I wasn’t necessarily the funny guy in Wall Street or Platoon, he always let me approach it in finding the humanity in the characters, I mean those characters were not really nice guys. A lot of times though I was allowed to introduce aspects of humour into them.” So does he now see himself as a comedic actor or does he feel drama is his true calling? “I don’t see myself as a comedic actor per se, but I like to plunge into each role the way I feel I should, and since Cox is a bit of a bastard, the way I play him seems to fit. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to play both sides, comedy and drama. For me, it’s all a matter of what’s on the page.” There is a serious side to McGinley’s study and development of Dr. Cox. He has a son, Max, born with Down’s Syndrome eight years ago who spent five or six weeks in the neo-natal intensive care, and so he became familiar with care workers, nurses and doctors that he claims treated his son like their own. The producers of the show wanted to know if he would hang out in hospitals to do some homework for the show, but that time in the intensive care unit with his son was all the time he needed. The condition of his son obviously took a long time for McGinley to get his head around, and it ultimately informed his decision to follow many other film actors like Charlie Sheen and Rob Lowe into TV careers. So afterwards I went up to his office and said, ‘Ben that was bizarre Christa totally macked on me.’“ He just looked back and smiled and said ‘yeah what did you think?”

“For me it was a blessing because when you go to a film you have to relocate somewhere,” he states in a reflective mood. “When my son was born I didn’t want to have to do all that two and three times a year. So shooting a show in LA for an extended period suits me to be with Max. Being on location means you’re gone and you have to put blindfolds on. You miss opportunities and experiences that I didn’t want to miss out on with my son.” But plenty about his life has the comical assets which we see every week in ‘Scrubs’. For instance, did you know that John C. McGinley was runner-up on the 1997 edition of Celebrity American Gladiators? His half-hearted excuse to this day is, “Well they rang me up and basically offered me $25,000 if I entered and won, and $15,000 if I came second. I was broke at the time, so I said ’bring it on.’ I came in second, Dean Caine from Superman kicked my ass, but I got my money. It was fifteen grand so I loved it. It’s the only skeleton in my closet, and I know your just trying to take the piss now!” DOCTORS AND NURSES And ‘Scrubs’ has given him more than a few close encounters with the opposite sex. Dr. Cox, went for it. I was a bit taken aback, especially being the hospital’s middle-aged head resident with Ben looking on. So afterwards I went up with a divorced wife who he still sleeps with gave to his office and said, ‘Ben that was bizarre plenty of storylines which McGinley followed with Christa totally macked on me.’ He just looked gusto. back and smiled and said ‘yeah what did you On the onscreen affair with guest star Heather think?” Graham he grinned and said, “Well what can I About an hour later this journalist was seat- say? When I heard she was on and read that Cox ed in the middle of theatre L with the rest of the was going to be having an affair, I just thought, great unwashed watching the finale of an hell yeah. When we macked, man did we mack… interesting, hilarious and at times pretty dis- or at least I did!” turbed Lawsoc debate. Pulling women in front of the camera with a But the laughter and cheering was never whole cast watching can be awkward at the best going to match what followed as John C. of times, but when the love interest’s husband is McGinley, official legend, entered the arena. your producer and series creator, things can end With five hundred souls packed into the the- with interesting results. atre and a thousand more trying to push in “Yeah that was weird, mostly because Ben (queues were going back into the library build- (Lawrence) is a nut. When we had to go for it the ing I’m reliably told), UCD has never given a first time, Christa (Jordon in ‘Scrubs’) properly greater to response to one person saying “Hi. 16 FASHION 4.10.05 DISTRACTIONS MEET THE METROSEXUAL Rachel Gilmore Murphy writes on the emerging breed of male who takes pride in his appearance and as a result is a pleasure on the eye VICTORIAN Meet the metrosexual man, he’s well Secondly, with the growing popularity of plastic more emphasis is placed on the people driving dressed and groomed to perfection. surgery, women are looking younger for longer, the cars and the experience they feel while doing BLOUSES placing an added pressure on men and forcing so, rather than the car specification. Perhaps the This specimen of the opposite gender is With Victoriana style set to them to turn to alternative beauty methods for the definition of what it is to be a man is changing. not gay, just particularly astute and con- same effect. For sometime now, old fashioned, repressed continue this season, lacy fident in his own highly primed and There are many theories behind this growing heterosexuality has been given the pink slip by Victorian blouses are a preened skin. trend, however, its’ growing prevalence is consumer capitalism. But is it for the better? increasingly clear. The growth in men’s fashion For the male gender in good way of investing in a In 1994 British journalist Mark Simpson coined chains and men’s magazines increases their cov- question and for the the term metrosexual to refer to an urban male, of little bit of history. Available erage of fashion. Men’s mag, FHM says that it’s benefit of their female any sexual orientation, with a strong aesthetic in white, black and BAG IT fashion and grooming advertising has increased significant others, a bit sense who spends a great deal of time and by 35% over the past three years. of grooming never hurt cream, high street stores money on his appearance and lifestyle. anyone. The modern Originally the term had negative connotations such as urban Outfitters, Oasis, and heterosexual man is as it was first used to describe self-indulgent and Beckham is almost as Penney’s are selling stylish variations of caring, nurturing and narcissistic men who were only interested in their open-minded while this season’s prettiest look, romantic personal vanity. famous for wearing taking the time and Victorian inspired blouses. However nowadays metrosexuality is more sarongs, pink nail pol- money to keep them- positive than ever, referring to a caring, nurturing selves looking pris- character. ish and sporting a tine. Where’s the Mark Wahlberg’s semi-naked appearance for JEWELLED CUFFS harm in that? Calvin Klein underwear in the early 1990’s is cited new hair cut every Pretty costume jewellery is the as the beginnings of mainstream male vanity. The best way to accessorize and ad in question was aimed at a gay market but week as he is for his update any outfit. Wrist cuffs add straight men took notice. However, it is the polished to perfection body of impressive ball skills an element of rock chic to a look. David Beckham that most people see as the epit- It is not just the money spent on these beauty Last year’s cuff has been com- ome of metrosexuality. Academics’ have credited products and clothes, but the time and effort that Mr. Beckham with a shift in male behaviour bined with sparkly jewels to make go into it. Men’s cosmetics and toiletries are the towards this particular subject. In an interview fastest growing area of the huge beauty and it this year’s must have accessory. with ‘Attitude’, the gay magazine, Becks admitted skincare industry. that he liked to be admired by both men and Clinique first launched a men’s skincare women. Beckham has also been credited with the range almost twenty years ago. Their clever JENNIFER ANISTON growing popularity of fashion conscious men’s marketing team came up with a technique for magazines. Having bounced back from her very packaging the range, using masculine colours Beckham is almost as famous for wearing such as greys’, dark green and navy and republic break up with Brad Pitt, the for- sarongs, pink nail polish and sporting a new hair naming some of their staple products, for mer Friends actress announced to cut every week as he is for his impressive ball example; ‘Gentle Exfoliator’ is a man’s skills. Oprah on her first television appear- ‘Face Scrub’. It is easy to pinpoint how these trends evolve Once again the enormous success of ance since the split that she is now but it is more difficult to say where these trends men’s magazines have helped men’s ready to date again. Well done to Jen came from. beauty products seem ‘cool’. There is no There are many different theories regarding the for moving on so gracefully. danger feeling like a girl reading about birthplace of this phenomenon. Firstly, it can be exfoliating lotion if it is part of an article attributed to female power in the work place, sug- about formula one. gesting that men turn to methods such as power Even the tough, macho image is gone DECK SHOES dressing and beauty treatments to assert them- from car advertising. For example, much Dubes, Dubarry’s, Decks call ‘em what selves. you want, but girls, don’t wear them to college. These shoes aren’t meant to be worn with O Neill’s tracksuit bot- THE TOP 5 toms. MALE PRODUCTS WITH SUMMER WARDROBES. CLARINS MEN DECLEOR PARIS MOISTURE BALM The first few weeks back to college are MOISTURISING € 35 50ml notoriously known as one big fashion AFTERSHAVE BALM extravaganza. Despite the fact that € 37.50 125ml summer is well and truly over, the HUGO BOSS SOUL ‘trendy’ girls of UCD still insist on parad- € 43.50 50ml ing around campus in their skimpiest summer outfits. Dress for the appropriate season!

BIN IT KATE MOSS Poor Kate, another successful woman dragged to the gutter by her druggie boyfriend. LAB SERIES FOR MEN AB RESCUE BODY SCULPTING € 39 200ml CHANEL ALLURE HOMME SPORT € 44.50 50ml 4.10.05 HEALTH 17 SELFCAITRÍONA GAFFNEY BREAST-EXAM & RICHELLE DELANY EXPLAIN HOW TO DO A STEP 2 Living in Ireland you have a 1 in 12 Check for changes in the contours of your chance of developing breast cancer. breasts. Watch in the mirror as you lift your hands Nothing is guaranteed in life. Breast behind your head, clasp your hands, and press cancer is an example of an issue that them against the back of your head. many people believe they will escape, STEP 3 as Kylie Minogue found out for herself Check again with your hands on your hips and last May when she was diagnosed with your elbows pulled forward. breast cancer. STEP 4 Regular breast self-examinations are the best Squeeze your nipples gently to check for dis- way to find a cancerous tumor. The best time to charge. detect a tumor is when it is still small, before the cancer has had a chance to spread. This is when STEP 5 it is most likely to be cured. With one arm raised, use the fingertips of your It is a myth that breast cancer does not affect other hand to feel your breast for any lumps young women, and so it is important to check under the skin. yourself at the same time every month, 2 to 3 Start in your armpit and move toward your days after your period. This is when your breasts breast, pressing in small areas about the size of are least likely to be swollen and tender. a euro coin. (Try this in the shower; your fingers It is important to be breast aware. This means will slide more easily over soapy skin.) more than just looking for nipple and skin Use a consistent pattern—a spiral, line, or changes as well as changes in the size and shape wedge (see below). of the breast. Cover the entire breast, as well as the upper The more you examine your breasts’ the easier chest and underarm. Repeat on other side. it will be to tell if something unusual has occurred. There are specific risk factors that women have • Spiral: Start at the outer edges of the breast control over and all women, in particular post- and slowly work your way around it in smaller and menopausal women, should make certain smaller circles. amendments to their lifestyle so as to reduce the • Line: Start under your arm and slowly stroke risk of developing breast cancer. up and down, progressing across the breast. • Wedge: Start at the outer edge of the breast and move slowly toward the middle, then back to Taking charge of the the edge. risk factors that you REPEAT STEP 5 lying on your back with one arm over your have control over can head and a pillow under your shoulder. Use one save your life. This of the patterns above to check each breast. If you do find a lump, unusual firmness, a includes monthly self- change in shape, or any discharge from a nipple, exams; regular visits to call your doctor. “ It is also extremely important to remember that, while self-examinations means most lumps the doctor, and regular- are found by women themselves; a breast exam by your GP may find abnormalities that only ly scheduled mammo- someone with experience could recognize. A self-breast examination is NOT a substitute grams. for an exam carried out by a doctor. Studies show that regular breast exams, along There are risk factors that women have no with an annual exam by a doctor improve the obvious control over, such as getting older. Other chances of detecting cancer early. risk factors include having an early menstruation or late menopause, not having children or having the first child after the age of 30. Breast Cancer Kills Men Too Having a family history of breast cancer is also another risk factor. Other life style risk factors Though it is much less heard of, include obesity in post-menopausal women, lack men can also be affected by breast of physical activity and alcohol consumption. cancer. Approximately 16 men SELF BREAST EXAM: DOCTORS ADVISE DOING THIS ONCE A MONTH Experts are beginning to understand the factors develop breast cancer in Ireland involved in how diet affects the risks of breast every year, whereas in the UK up to presenting feature of male breast cancer, it may body). cancer. Maintaining a healthy weight is important. 250 men are diagnosed with breast cancer annu- represent an underlying malignancy • The type of breast cancer. It is important to eat healthily. This will not only ally. Risk factors for breast cancer in men may • Certain characteristics of the cancer cells. help keep weight under control, but may also Breast cancer in men can be diagnosed at any include the following: • Whether the cancer is found in the other directly reduce the risk of breast cancer. age, but it is usually • Exposure to radia- breast. Taking charge of the risk factors that you have detected between the tion • The patient’s age and general health. control over can save your life. This includes Approximately 16 ages of 60 and 70. • Having a disease While breast cancer in men is extremely rare, monthly self-exams; regular visits to the doctor, It is a condition that related to high levels according to the American Cancer Society about and regularly scheduled mammograms. men develop breast most men are too embar- of estrogen in the 1200 men are affected each year. This figure is Eight out of ten lumps are benign (not cancer- rassed to talk about if they body such as liver dis- steadily growing. ous). If you discover a persistent lump in your even know it exists. cancer in Ireland ease, or Klinefleter’s October is breast cancer awareness month. breast or any changes in breast tissue it is impor- It is just as important for syndrome, which is a The pink ribbon is the international symbol for tant to see a doctor immediately. men, and especially those every year, where- genetic disorder. breast cancer; it has become a symbol of hope for Don’t worry that you are wasting your doctors who have a history of • A history of breast a cure of breast cancer and a reminder that breast time, if you are concerned about any changes ask breast cancer in their fam- as in the UK up to cancer among the cancer does not have to be fatal. Pink wristbands your doctor to explain the change. Make sure you ily to perform their own “ female population of and pink scarves will be on sale during October. are happy with the explanation if not get a second breast examination. 250 men are diag- your family. opinion. If a man does notice a Survival for men Celebrities are generous with endorsing and Other changes to be aware of include swelling lump or bump, or anything with breast cancer is promoting breast cancer awareness. Bon Jovi in your armpit or around your collar-bone, con- nosed with breast unusual about his breasts similar to survival for support breast cancer awareness. stant pain in one part of your breast or armpit. he is less likely to have it women with breast Quite often fear keeps people away from cancer annually checked out due to the cancer. Last May supermodel, Elle MacPherson came aggressive health care, they stay away from med- lack of awareness sur- Survival for men to Dublin to raise money to launch Fashion ical care because they are afraid of what they rounding male breast cancer, and therefore is with breast cancer is similar to that for women Targets Breast Cancer (FTBC). might find. unlikely to assume that it may be breast cancer. with breast cancer when their stage of diagnosis Male breast cancer usually presents itself as a is the same. Breast cancer in men, however, is FTBC is the international fashion industry's Below is a step-by-step guide to a personal breast firm painless mass in the subareolar region of the often diagnosed at a later stage. Cancer found at response to breast cancer and was originally pio- check. breast. The second most common presentation is a later stage may be less likely to be cured. neered by Ralph Lauren in the USA in 1994. a mass in the upper outer breast quadrant. STEP 1 Certain factors affect prognosis (chance of Other early findings may include inverted nip- Stand facing a mirror with your arms at your recovery) and treatment options. The campaign centers on the sale of a range of ples, skin dimpling or puckering; redness or scal- sides. Look for anything unusual on your breasts: The chances of recovery and treatment options designer t-shirts. In Ireland, these will be available ing of the nipple or breast; and abnormal swelling dimples, scaly patches, puckers, or discharge depend on the following: through Brown Thomas in Dublin, Cork, Limerick or lumps in the breast, nipple, or chest muscle. coming from a nipple. • The stage of the cancer (whether it is in the and Galway, BT2 in Dublin and selected a-wear Although nipple discharge is not a common breast only or has spread to other places in the stores. 18 DISTRACTIONS 4.10.05 FILM HOBBIT MEETS HOOLIGAN Elijah Wood goes from hobbit to is over the top and extreme to say the least. of football hooliganism. football hooligan in this, the latest At one point you see a man getting his throat Although it is sometimes over the top, split open very graphically by a broken bot- Green Street is still fairly realistic, as some look at the ugly side of the Beautiful tle. of the scenes were actually filmed on loca- Game. Green Street paints a very bleak picture tion. Upton Park, West Hams’ stadium was Journalism student Matt Buckner (Wood) for English football. used in the filming. is expelled from Harvard for some ethical The denouement of the film is particularly As well as some adept cinematography violation, which he did not commit. He disappointing also. Unduly neat, padded the soundtrack (featuring Kasabian) fits the decides to leave America and venture to and secure for such a turbulent film. film aptly. A good fight movie, albeit from a England, to his sister Shannon (Claire Despite these negative points the film had tiring genre, that spotlights a culture many of Forlani) and her Husband Steve (Marc a lot of positive aspects. It focussed heavily us felt was extinct. Warren). on the themes of friendship, loyalty and He befriends Steve's brother Pete (played betrayal and does so in a very realistic by the excellent Charlie Hunnam) who is an manner. avid West Ham supporter, and gets entan- The loyalty of many of the characters STAR WARS gled in his gang or 'firm' called the GSE- is tested throughout the film and each Green Street Elite. of them reacts very differently. MEETS This West Ham firm is one of the biggest One of the members of the GSE, firms in England, second only to the Millwall Bovver, who takes an instant dislike to firm. The film then proceeds to show the "the yank", is constantly challenged to INDIANA JONES ugly, violent, brawls in which the firms give in to the temptation of betrayal. The engage. firm’s leader Pete constantly shows his Serenity is a tongue in cheek tale. It follows the Green Street is very reminiscent of 1989’s loyalty towards Buckner and Bovver. adventures of a group of space bandits as they are ID, in which an under cover Police Officer Redemption is also a particularly impor- chased around the cosmos by a cacophony of child infiltrates the Millwall firm. He enjoys the tant aspect of this film. Buckner flees to rush of gang life so much that eventually he England in order to find himself, murderers, child eaters, and all round bad guys. leaves the police for a life of hooliganism. to seek redemption. He The story takes place five hundred years in the future, in a collec- The rush he enjoyed so much is clearly believes he finds it in the vio- tion of other galaxies, to which we earthlings have escaped because the same sort of experience Buckner is rel- lent world of football our planet could no longer support our exploding population. ishing. For the first time in his life Buckner hooliganism. These far, far away galaxies are for the most part ruled by an evil feels like he is living. He thrives off the vio- Overall, this is a federation (starting to sound a little familiar?). The story is centred lence he receives and dispenses. quality film. It is around, a young doctor who has to rescue his telepathic teenage As a whole, the film is very entertaining well cast (Frodo sister River. She is in danger as the evil federation attempt to and produces great performances from Baggins aside) destroy her mind and turn her into a fierce weapon to tighten their Forlani, Warren and Hunnam. However, it and contains grip over their enslaved subjects. seems that the lead role, Elijah Wood was some great These two fugitives come under the protection of the crew of miscast. Wood is possibly one of the least performanc- Serenity, a bunch of mercenaries, captained by Mal, a veteran from convincing hard men ever seen in a film. es. The the failed war against the federation. The unbelievably quick transformation members of Problems ensue as River has some of the federation’s darkest from Harvard student to street thug is highly the GSE all secrets locked away in the depths of her subconscious, secrets they implausible. Even after he transforms into a look the are intent on retrieving. thug, he still resembles a choirboy, unlike part and We follow this decrepit ship and it’s crew around outer space. As the rest of the members of the GSE, who are fit right do the federation’s philosophical and determined ninja henchman, rough as badgers’ arses. into the not to mention the occasional run in with an army of gimp like crea- Another flaw in the film is the violence. It world tures known as `Reavers’. Serenity is the creation of Joss Whedon, the Oscar nominated co- ANDREW CARLOS writer of `Toy-Story’, and the creator of the TV series `Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ and `Angel’. GREEN STREET 7/10 The script is based on another of Whedon’s TV series `Firefly’ which, although a critical and financial disaster has created a cult following. This is an eagerly awaited movie, for some at least. Location differences aside, Serenity is reminiscent of Whedon’s BLOOD GUTS AND EPIC STORY TELLING earlier works. It is full of a sharp sardonic sense of humour despite the somewhat sticky situation’s the protagonist’s seem to find themselves in. Director George A. Romero, the This juxtaposition gives the comedy element of the movie a cer- pioneer of the zombie movie tain edge, which should provide even engineering students with plenty of laughs. genre, produces an offering not Between decomposing bodies and big bangs, Serenity also has quite up to the high standard he its’ fair share of scares’, enough to keep the average student at has set himself. least in the vicinity of their’ seat’s edge. Land Of The Dead is the latest in the line Scary little girls freak me the hell out, and let’s just say our tele- of his unique brand of zombie horror which pathic teenager, River, wouldn’t exactly slot nicely into the Brady includes the movies, Night of the Living Bunch. It’s no horror movie, but the faint of heart should have their Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and the third in blinkers ready. the trilogy, Day of the Dead. The cast is largely the same as that of the series from which the The basic plot is essentially the same as film spawned. Also, the acting can be a little less than spectacular his previous zombie flicks. A group of at times. humans have to fight off impending doom Serenity doesn’t intend for the audience to take it that seriously, from the living dead otherwise known as so the actor’s performances aren’t required to be as clinical as in zombies. other film genres. A different approach is taken this time In any event there are some good performances especially that however, Romero flirts with the idea that of Adam Baldwin as Jayne. His character is supposedly a hard- zombies are evolving and becoming more zombie free zone while the poor outside and the odd witty line is delivered here and hearted mercenary but transpires to be the source of a lot of the intelligent. This of course can only make are extremely vulnerable to zombie there, although this movie is far closer to story’s humour. the human’s quest for total zombie attacks. Dawn of the Dead than Shawn of the The fact that the cast has some history (the TV series ran for a destruction increasingly difficult. All does not go to plan for Kaufman. Dead. year) also gives the characters a certain depth which comes The film centres around main characters Riley and Cholo separately have their own The film clocks in at about an hour and a through well on screen. Riley (Simon Baker) and Cholo (John plans for the city, which leads to the hijack- half, which is good as it keeps the pace Another element which can be added to Serenity’s list of credits Leguizamo) who at the beginning of the ing of an armoured vehicle known as fairly fast and prevents it from getting bor- is some very impressive action scenes. The film was shot on a rel- movie are part of a squad responsible for ‘Dead Reckoning’. This puts the city in ing. atively small budget, something which certainly doesn’t come killing zombies. danger and not just from the threat of the Overall, if you’re into this sort of thing through in the movies’ special effects. Basically, they cruise around the city in ever-approaching zombies. then check it out although you’ll probably There are also some impressive fight scenes to keep the lads purpose built zombie killing vehicles with This leads to plenty of killing, destruction find it’s not quite up there with Dawn of the happy. Look out for River kicking some serious Reaver gimp ass. their zombie killing weapons of choice, the and more blood, guts, flesh feasting and all Dead. On the other hand if you’re not into Don’t be deceived by any mistaken preconceptions, this film will ever-faithful automatic machine gun. round gore than you can shake a discom- this sort of thing or if you’re looking for a appeal to a wide audience. It’s not a classic adventure film, classic However, it’s not quite that simple and bobulated limb at. movie to bring a date on then it’s probably thriller or comedy, but a competent mix of all three makes Serenity just like in real life there are evil people out Credit must be given to the special not for you. damn good fun. there who hope to prosper by exploiting effects personnel and make-up artists who CHRIS KIRK others who are scared and in danger. worked on this movie as certain scenes will BARRA FENNELL In the movie this character comes in the probably make even the most iron stom- LAND OF THE DEAD form of Kaufman (Denis Hopper) who ached viewer nauseous in places. SERENITY 7/10 keeps the rich inside a seemingly secure The movie script and acting isn’t bad 6/10 4.10.05 MUSIC 19 THE TABLES HAVE TURNED It has been an equally turbulent and tri- I had seen Gavin Fox come on stage with Turn after umphant two years for veteran band Turn. he had left for Idlewild, at the le Cheile festival two years ago and thought this would be the best possible way to After watching their fan base grow spectacu- bring up a possibly uneasy subject for Ollie to talk about, larly following the release of the well received but I found him more than happy to talk about the ex- and critically acclaimed “Forward”, they must bassist that’s still his best friend. have thought the years of constant touring “Myself and Gavin have been best friends for a long time, we’re still best friends. I was talking to him last and hard work were starting to pay off. night and he’s over in Chicago touring with Idlewild at The loss of their co-founder, co-songwriter and best the moment but there’s never really been any beef there. friend Gavin Fox to Scottish band Idlewild must have put In the beginning when he first decided to go everyone all the hype and success in perspective. Turn reacted by said ‘are you mad?’ But everyone kind of calmed down rising above it all, playing an incendiary New Years Eve after a while. And you never know, life is very long, I’d gig in Whelans’ and two equally impressive performanc- say there will be a time Gavin will play with us at some es at the following Oxegen festivals. stage.” Tonight a packed Village venue testifies to how highly After pushing the envelope totally with “Forward”, anticipated the new album really is. I caught up with front Ollie describes the new release as a more direct pop man Ollie Cole to talk about writing, being from Kells and rock album. I asked Ollie what changes, if any, Turn fans why being yourself is the new tweed jacket when it could expect on the third release. comes to making other people think you’re cool. “When I listen to it again, it wasn’t a conscious thing, When asked about growing up in Kells, he describes a but I get the feeling of worrying about the wasting of totally organic and highly beneficial development in taste. time…that pops up in lyrics a lot. Like about times when He relates it to a reliance on other people’s records and if I made mistakes is that not ok? There are a few areas musically like-minded friends as opposed to being of looking for forgiveness. There aren’t really any rela- involved in flavour of the month “cool” scenes. tionship songs, in terms of girlfriend boyfriend type, “Down in Kells, we didn’t really have anything except because I’m really happy in that area. our older brothers records. It was amazing when me and “If anything there’s one song called ‘It’s About Ian first moved to Dublin and we were listening to Neil Nothing’. It’s about my girlfriend and it’s a strange kind Young and stuff like that. People thought we were really of affectionate song, its just about chilling out. Then cool, because we were different…we were into music there’s a song called ‘Close Your Eyes’, my girlfriend and good musicians and everyone was like, ‘wow, Neil lives in America, its about her missing home and being Young, that’s cool, aw I love your accents! homesick and its asking her just to close her eyes and “We were playing this really old fashioned music when just see, and feel what she feels and that sort of stuff.” everyone else was playing keyboards with all these “A couple of other songs are about tensions I’ve had human league type haircuts, and we’re like these old with another bloke friend of mine.” fogey’s playing acoustic guitars and smoking joints and “Songs are weird in that I don’t really think about them stuff…I think we fell into the trap of trying to be cool for a I just sit down and play the guitar and sometimes it sur- few years as well but then you come back to your roots prises me in that I go wow I didn’t even know I felt like and figure out who you are, and who you like. Then you that but I must because that’s what’s coming out.” go, why am I playing that? I don’t even like that music!” STEPHEN CAFFREY OLLIE COLE: TURN’S SELF TITLED NEW ALBUM IS OUT NOW CBGBS: IT TOLLS FOR THEE

blance of punk start- Nicky Hynes visited ed out here too: Blondie, Beastie the renowned New Boys, The Police being just a few. York nightclub CBGBs CBGBs is, in the words of its founder, and reports on an 76 year old Hilly Kristal, a place anthemic venue living where bands can come in off the on borrowed time street and be given a chance and where CBGBs, the legendary New York rock people can see club is on its last legs but stands defi- them for an afford- ant. The venue, set in Manhattans able price. tion. Although the process can be hit and miss, thou- trendy yet raw East Village, has been Disaster Strikes emerged sands of careers have been launched here and onstage to a roar from the crowd. a New York and worldwide musical genres have flourished, notably New Wave. Their lead singer took the mic and proclaimed that Public Enemy. institution for 31 years. Making my way there, half a block from he and the band were doing the show to prevent With the current lease having expired and a However, poor relations with its landlord, The CBGBs, I found myself walking along Joey what he saw as a step towards the gentrification renewal not in sight; Kristal, in defiance of the Bowery Residents Committee (BRC), a charity Ramone Place, a token of acknowledgment by of the Lower East Side. inevitable eviction, proclaimed at the rally ‘We that helps house the homeless, recently culminat- the city of New York to one of the finest musicians This is perhaps a little awry of the truth consid- intend to stay.’ ed in a hike in already high rent prices to around who started out there. ering the BRC will probably use the space to help Although the concert/ rally was a success it did 45 thousand dollars a month and a claim that the From the outside, CBGBs is modest. On the house the homeless. After this they kicked not change the BRCs attitude and on September club had not paid some of its rent for years. inside it makes modest seem boastful. straight into a hardcore punk set, their sound 11th they issued an official eviction notice to A judge last month ruled against the back rent Small, dark, a wallpaper of thousands of band clearly influenced by the likes of Black Flag and Kristal, which he has plainly stated he will not claim and artists have said they will cover the and anti-establishment stickers, hardcore Minor Threat, bands that would have played on obey. extra hike in prices but the BRC now refuses to mohawked punks, overflowing toilets with no the exact same stage over 20 years ago. This brawl between landlord and tenant has sign a new lease. With the current lease having cubicles; you would imagine it to be a pretty rough The gig ended late and I left CBs and walked now dragged in Mayor Michael Bloomberg to offer expired on the first of September it seems the place. out into the warm New York night with the uneasy mediation. He recently called the club ‘a great death knell has sounded for CBGBs. Despite the scenery, the venue is positively feeling that I had possibly witnessed it take one of New York City institution’ and went on to say that I was lucky enough to have been in New York alive with an optimistic, inclusive atmosphere. its last breaths. although the club belongs at its current address, if over the summer and to have had the chance to The gig that night was part of the Save CBGBs Nevertheless hope still remains. One major the City failed to bring the two sides together they pay homage to the birthplace of East Coast punk. Festival, which ran for the entire month of August last-ditch effort to save the landmark club: a ben- would find an alternative venue. Most of the bands I was enraptured with during into September; an almost nightly string of bene- efit gig that took place in Washington Square Park Mayor Bloomberg said the club is ‘part of our my punk (-ish) years had played there, Bad fit gigs to generate money and public awareness. in Manhattan in September included Bands such culture’, lets hope for the sake of underground Brains, Minor Threat etc… One of the bands for the night presented an all too as Blondie, The Ramones, Talking Heads (who rock and tomorrows’ major artists that CBGBs Many other bands that have virtually no sem- appropriate name considering the current situa- also started out in CBs), Bouncing Souls and does not become part of our history. 20 MUSIC 4.10.05 AURAL EXAMINATIONS

FRANZ FERDINAND TRACY & THE PLASTICS SIGUR ROS HIM YOU COULD HAVE IT CULTURE FOR PIGEON TAKK DARK LIGHT SO MUCH BETTER The ‘group’ Tracy and the Plastics comprises of Sigur Ros, formed in 1994 have successfully Categorising their music as “love metal” with their With the world thrown at their feet following their Wynne Greenwood a lesbian, feminist, video released three outstanding albums. The Icelandic last album, HIM burst back onto to the scene with debut, one imagines that Franz Ferdinand were artist also known as Tracy, and her two alter-egos band gained much media attention after the suc- the not so eagerly awaited ‘Dark Light’. under pressure to make sure their second release (the Plastics). Interesting. cess of Agztis Byrjun in 2000. Follow-up Brackets Kick starting with opener ‘Vampire heart’, first justified the attention. Thankfully, they have not let Greenwood’s approach to music is minimalist; found less favour with critics because of it’s dark- time listeners might believe that lead singer Valo us down. she only uses two instruments, but this is in no er edge. Now with the release of Takk, they have has actually got his act together and delivered While it is true that there is nothing here to match way a bad thing. The drums are simple and in returned to their atmospheric, epic sound. some killer tunes. However, amidst the well the instant likeability of Take Me Out, this record reality provide no more than a basic structure for Considering the amount of instruments they recorded instrumentation and catchy riffs we learn responds well to extended listening, and should the keyboard’s melody, which is uncomplicated use, only keyboards, guitar, drums and bass, they this is not the case. easily satisfy anxious fans. Everything has sur- and repetitive. The remarkable thing is that manage to achieve a full, rich sound. Added to Sifting through the album, lyrical content is the vived intact: the edgy dance-floor sensibilities, despite this sparse instrumentation some excel- this the choir boy/operatic genius of Jonsi first criticism that springs to mind. Dark, gothic that thrilling sense of poise between reserve and lent music is produced. Birgisson’s voice makes their music not only and clichéd lyrics combined with a Michael Bolton vulgarity, those moments of dark, melancholy ele- The real strengths in Greenwood’s music are enchanting, but almost inspiring. gance between choruses, and the witty, sexually type rhythm simply doesn’t mix! her lyrics and her voice. The lyrics are as bare Standout tracks such as ‘Se Lest’, and ‘Milano’, ambiguous observations in Kopranos’ lyrics. Furthermore, for a metal band of their description, and direct as the music but they get her point have orchestral arrangements that could stir even ‘Single Do You Want To’ falls flat next to ‘What lead guitarist Linde fails to provide anything more across beautifully. This said, at times she does go the hardest of hearts. Matched with soothing xylo- You Meant’ and ‘I’m Your Villain’, where the for- over board with abstract imagery. She also tends phone lullaby melodies this album is irresistible. than lullaby riffs. Where are the Page, Young, mula introduced on the debut in songs like ‘This to talk solely from not only a feminine, but also a Slash type guitar solos that we associate with a Fire’ reaches its full potential. There are also At times Sigur Ros seem to get it just perfect. feminist viewpoint. band of their nature? some interesting deviations from the classic FF Their true excellence is demonstrated by push- Her voice is the most effective instrument in However, HIM do grant us with some short snap- formula: ‘Eleanor Put Your Boots On’ dispenses ing the songs up a level with some fantastic brass use on this recording. It is sweet and soft but it py songs; with special note to ‘Behind the with amps in favour of a touching, piano-accom- marching arrangements. Pounding drums enforce has a harsh edged punk influence that is at times Crimson Door’ and ‘Drunken Shadows’, which panied Lennon pastiche. the intensity of the build-ups even more. very apparent on the album. This variation in her At the close of the album, ‘Outsiders’ darkens the Sigur Ros are a band that produce a fragile, give rise to amicable background music. Sadly, vocals accentuates each facet of the album’s var- mood, the bass arrangements echoing Interpol, beautiful sound lavished with moving melodies to that’s not what HIM were going for with ‘Dark ied mood. the lyrics hinting at the core of existential angst make a unique pop rock wall of sound. Their Light’. behind the party-till-you-drop ethos of night-cul- Being a pretty daring musical experiment and songs effortlessly melt into one in another, creat- Not as fast as Slayer’s ‘Show No Mercy’, not as ture. If the first album left you cold, this record having some decent songs on it, this record is a ing an album with depth and tenderness. Leaving evil as Guns n’ Roses ‘Appetite for Destruction’ might prompt you to revise your opinion. good buy. the listener revelling over this spectacular album and not as talented as AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’. A strong offering. Buy if you like: Lali Puna, P.J Harvey. that redefines beauty in music. Back to the drawing board for HIM… 8/10 FIONN DEMPSEY 7/10 PETER MCKENNA 9/10 GILLIAN KENNEDY 5/10 GRAHAM KEEGAN

DELORENTOS SEAN PAUL AMADOU ET MARIAM THE CHALETS LEAVE IT ON EP THE TRINITY DIMANCHE A BAMAKO CHECK IN This Dublin four-piece creates jaunty, angular Gank, Truly gank. In fact this album is definitively This is the latest release courtesy of Malian hus- ‘Check-In’ is the hotly anticipated debut album songs in the garage and college rock mould. They gank. As you venture on in life you may have band and wife duo Amadou and Mariam. Having from the five piece Dublin outfit and while it is have been steadily gaining followers throughout recourse to use the word gank, when you do, you built an esteemed reputation for themselves in catchy as you like and full of exuberance, it fails to Dublin during the past year and added another will automatically think of this latest effort from France, Manu Chao lends a hand for the record hold attention for the duration of the album. The opening track, ‘Theme from Chalets’, is a notch to their belt by winning the 2005 Student Sean ‘da’ Paul. If you are wondering what gank that brings them to a global audience. Music Awards. This EP is the result. bouncy number alternating between sweet female means, subject yourself to this truly awful attempt Chaos’ Western influence combined with their The record displays Delorentos’ pop sensibilities; vocals and a slightly lower male one. The second at music and all will be revealed. Afro-pop sound produces a charming fusion of especially on the tightly produced opener 'Leave it and third tracks are great examples of cute elec- Tired, lazy, produced, synthetic are just many funky guitar riffs (occasionally reminiscent of 70s on' with its brooding, melodic rock. tro-pop, full of fun. pop music), African drum rhythms, warm vocals, 'Any other way' builds into somewhat of a Strokes of the adjectives that could be used to describe ‘No Style’, the second track, comprises of witty pastiche, betraying their obvious Radiohead influ- this album. However, gank suffices. It denotes the and western bass and guitar sounds. lyrics like “You’re breaking up with Paul, and you wanna get with Joe, So you can get your hole…” ences. mixture between artistic decrepitness and a pure Along with producing the album, Chao himself and is probably the stand out track on the album 'Solitude' places the band firmly back on track lack of any discernible talent. Gank is a mixture of contributes vocals and guitar on several of the along with ‘Sexy Mistake’. with some relaxed, jangly guitar work building on damp and that horrible mouldy mildew that tracks. His own trademark features are identifi- The problem with the album is that all too soon a strong foundation laid by the competent, if unad- able throughout the album, in particular his folkie accompanies it in those cases where it is not it seems that the tracks become interchangeable, venturous, rhythm section. tended to, Sean ‘da’ Paul has been allowed to guitar pieces and keyboard and xylophone and it becomes stagnant, monotonous. This is all The piano intro of the closing number adds a pos- continue unmolested and his music emanates sounds. the more disappointing given that musically it’s a itive contrast and displays a more varied influence that sort of musty minginess only found in the The album consists of 15 reasonably enjoyable particularly smart brand of glam-rock with gritty that is not as well expressed in the opening three most unkempt houses. tracks, however by the eighth track, the music guitars and electronica beats. numbers. Some of you may like ‘dancehall’, that made up begins to sound slightly repetitive and a little too In fairness The Chalets have set themselves Despite Delorentos’ occasionally predictable genre of music that’s not good enough to be familiar. In additton, the intros of several of the apart from the pack and are a welcome departure lyrics the band seem set to progress further, their from the drab, bland singer-songwriter tripe we dance, reggae or in fact any type of music. tracks promise more than they deliver. EP giving a good impression of things to come have all been forced to listen to. Dimanche a Bamakot has an eclectic sound and from this rising Dublin band. Sean you made it up, admit it and lets end this For a debut album it is a good effort but will they If you’re interested, they’re worth checking out in sorry façade. Apologise, go away and in time we fulsome vocals that give off warmth and optimism, succeed where The Thrills failed and become the support slot for the Coral this Thursday in may forgive you. making it a welcome and refreshing change from more adventurous with their sound creating a sec- UCD along with Porn Trauma. In conclusion gank. the Indie/Rock/Alternative era presently upon us. ond album of real substance. 7/10 BILL O’REILLY GANK/10 EOIN MAC AODHA 6/10 FIONA HEDDERMAN 8/10 KEVIN MURPHY 4.10.05 MUSIC 21 LIVE GOOD A soggy Ronan Dempsey reports back from the Fresher’s Ball The weather last Thursday did not bode well for the acts, most notably newcomers Director, the Marshall an on-campus event. The rain was falling hori- Stars and the Chalets played exceptionally well. zontally when I began my walk up to the Student The room in particular doesn’t really lend itself to live Centre that night. I think at one stage a drop music when there isn’t a large enough crowd there to kill the actually fell up my nose. echo but this isn’t a criticism you could lay at the feet of the Nonetheless, by the time the crowds really started to organisation. The acts were all good, the equipment was arrive the skies had cleared and the atmosphere had picked there, perhaps there was just a little too much choice for up, setting the scene for a debauched night of carousing and everyone between the four stages, not exactly a bad thing. drunken frolics. Perhaps this wouldn’t have been an issue had there been As you all know, the Fresher’s Ball this year was based more tickets sold, the event being a sell-out with a 2,500 around the Students Centre featuring four stages, the main capacity. Questioned on the subject, Ents Officer Anthony one being a marquee set in the semi-circle in front of the Kelly justified the amount of tickets made available: “2,500 Centre bar. was the capacity because you have to make sure everyone Here the acts were well arranged for a build-up in crowd can be under cover in case it rains.” and atmosphere over the course of the night, climaxing in a Unfortunately for the five bands inside, the weather well attended, thumping dance set by the Groove Armada cleared and so the atmosphere outside around the bar and D.J’s, highlighted by the unusual mixing of Underworlds Born the main stage picked up meaning that the other venues suf- Slippy with Michael Jackson’s Billy Jean. fered in numbers. Clearly Irish weather has no consideration The Blizzards, the second act to grace the main stage, for good music. unleashed their trademark ska-punk set on a larger, The history of the UCD Freshers Ball has always been a excitable and lively crowd who all seemed to know the turbulent one with budgeting, transport and security issues words. By the time the Republic of Loose graced the stage being jagged rocks on which many’s the decent Ents Officer the marquis was virtually full with good-time revellers, drinks has perished. It is also the primary event of the semester, in hands and hands in the air, ready for some loud music. giving new students here at UCD their first taste of college The ground floor of the bar itself featured a Dance Stage nightlife, a large responsibility for the Sabbatical officer. with John Mahon and Nic James taking to the decks while Following the success of the night, he was relieved at the upstairs was a lively place for Ball-goers to sit down, have a lack of major difficulties. “I was absolutely delighted with it. It drink and listen to the music below. was a big undertaking. I’ve never done anything on that Unfortunately, in at the Dance stage, things stagnated scale before so I was just really nervous that something thanks to the weather. Only the hardest or drunkest of would go wrong but everything went according to plan.” dancers dared those precarious tiles; which were more than With this; the first of three gigs as part of a Fresher’s fes- a little slippy owing to all the wet trousers and shoes. tival, concluding with a headline gig by the Coral next Inside the Centre itself was the Spin 103.8 stage, featur- Thursday night, Kelly seems to have managed to perform ing D.J’s Cliodhna O’ Leary, Sean Harley and Johnny Moy. the delicate balancing act between cost and quality, giving This was a sociable inside area to hang around, the music us a positive premonition of live events to come this year. was good but it wasn’t so loud that you couldn’t stand and talk to your friends while enjoying a drink. Meanwhile in at the Astra Stage the crowd barely topped COMING UP fifty or sixty. This was disappointing considering that all of GIG LISTINGS FROM OCTOBER 4TH

• Jeru the Damaja. Brooklyn Gangsta Rap. Ri Ra. 7th Oct. MALIAN MAGIC • Alabama 3. Funky Electronica. Ronan Dempsey talks to Malian group Amadou et Mariam about Vicar St. 9th Oct. • Gigsmart Presents. See posters for bands. their political message, living in Europe and listening to AC/DC UCD Student Bar. 10th Oct. Amadou Bagayoko and Mariam Doumbia, the blind “At the moment I’m listening mainly to jazz and blues but lately I’ve • Royksopp. Norwegian Electronica. Malian duo are currently enjoying unprecedented suc- found myself putting on a bit of Bad Company, Santana and AC/DC!” Ambassador. 11th Oct. On the subject of collaborator, Manu Chao, he is enthusi- cess in Europe with their new album, Dimanche • Koufax. U.S Art-Rockers. astic; “It was very convenient working with him. He Whelans’. 12th Oct. A Bamako, the most eclectic in a long line has always been a fan of our music and we of • Kerekes Band. Moldovan Folk Music. of hard-to pigeonhole-recordings. him so it was very easy and interesting.” Asked about parallels with Chao’s Crawdaddy. 13th Oct. Their initial success as artists in the Ivory • Thursday Night Live. Turn. Coast back in the 80’s led to a relocation to music which is known for its’ left wing Paris. This, their 3rd album was recorded political concerns, he is emphatic, UCD Student Bar. 13th Oct. in France with the help of a fan, pan- “We do allude to political and • Mark Geary feat. Emmett Tinley. European artist Manu Chao. social problems in our music but Vicar St. 13th Oct. Amadou attributes the diverse our message is not overtly con- • Mash Up with Slam etc… D.J Sets. styles of the recordings to a lifetime cerned with them. We address Temple Bar Music Centre. 14th Oct. of listening to music and the opportu- our primary message to the • Spanish Harlem Orchestra. nities travelling offers for broadening family and to the people. If there was a particular mes- Vicar St. 16th Oct. tastes. • UCD Battle of the Bands Heat. “When we were learning to play sage we want to put across in we listened to lots of different types our songs it is this: peace, sol- UCD Student Bar. 17th Oct. of music and that naturally shows idarity and love.”-- itself in our songs. Now, having travelled more we have come into contact WITH with many diverse styles and that has affected our writing. “Our style changed after the first COMPETITION Drop your answer & album. We moved to France in 98’ with our Answer this Question and win tickets to see your contact details contract and as a result we had a budget and The Paddingtons on October 8th in Whelans into the Tribune access to professional musicians and a proper Office (LG 18 Arts Q. What song did Donna & Joeseph McCall sing at this years Eurovision? studio.” Block) or email us 22 REGULARS 4.10.05 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT…UCD

EILEEN O’MALLEY D

L R I’ll be the first to stand up 6 THE CONCRETE JUNGLE R and proudly declare that I U UCD certainly would never win any beauty love UCD. In fact if I had my awards. The place scrubs up well on a sunny O way I’d stay here as long as day, but when it’s cold and pissing rain, the con- D crete just adds to the ‘ode to communism’ effect possible. It is the biggest that characterisises much of the Belfield ’ S W and by far the best Campus. THIS WEEK: University in the country but 5 THE 17 BUS that doesn’t mean it doesn’t 5. THE METROSEXUAL have its flaws. Officially the worst bus in Dublin and as such had to be included. The 17 lives by its own rules It’s hard not to be a bit image con- rules and break them at your peril. and those unfortunate enough to have to use this Beer bellies have never been attractive but nei- THE LADIES’ TOILETS IN route have lost count of the times that this poxy scious in UCD. In the past two years ther have they been vilified in the way they are 10 THE ARTS BLOCK bus has left them standing in the cold. students from the College have won today. Men are beginning to be told to watch their the Rose of Tralee and Miss World. weight in the same paranoid way that Women’s magazines have instructed their readers to for The only way to survive these poor excuses THE BAN ON‘KN**KER’ It’s tough at the top. years. for bathrooms is to touch as little as possible, if 4 DRINKING In a College full of beautiful people you have to The perfect body is what they are told they only for the sake of your health. In fact, it’s an be at tiptop form. You never know when a beauty should try to achieve. But why? Who are they try- unspoken rule that when flushing the toilet, most The reason the Pav will always be the best queen is going to sit beside you in the library. You ing to impress? How often do men in Ireland get to use their foot rather than actually touch the gross Student Bar in the country is because it allows could be sitting in Hilpers and a supermodel might whip their tops off and flex their pecs. We’re bet- flush button. Spend all the money you want on one to feel like they’re kn**ker drinking without ask you for that spare chair. ter off not going down the Californian road where fancy new crests Mr. Brady, but at least give the the hassle of College security. Imagine how If you haven’t showered, combed your hair or you’re either toned or fat. A happy medium must women of Arts a decent bathroom. class it would be to enjoy a few cans of Druids by put on adequate levels of deodorant then all the be found. the lake. Bliss! winning smiles in the world won’t work. Girls seem to be of the opinion that being a guy THE 150TH ANNIVERSARY is easy. They think that because they have to get Nowadays you go 9 CELEBRATIONS THE NEW CREST up earlier every morning to put on make up and 3 shower and all that jazz, they somehow can take without showering to Considering that it’s the students who make a high moral ground. up the heart and soul of any University, the com- Rumours are that the new UCD crest was Well, ladies it’s simply not true. Sure, you might your peril. Even your plete lack of student involvement in the 150th originally designed by a five year old child who care more about your personal hygiene and yeah, Anniversary celebrations was pathetic. We all thought that big writing and castles were ‘pretty.’ you do put more time into your appearance but it saw the fancy new lighting and the six fountains After all what was the point in having Latin and doesn’t get away from the fact that us men have it male friends look at in the lake but there was no real attempt by the Irish on there anyway, sure did any of us really tough. authorities to get the mass student population know what it meant? The new crest is nothing Turn to our Fashion Page and you’ll see a list of you“ weirdly when involved. Though let us not forget that day off we more than a dumbed-down excuse to re-brand male products that until the other day I didn’t all get last year, wasn’t that a real treat?! and commercialize our University. And don’t realise existed. Apparently there is a cream that even get me started on the extra ‘Dublin’! will bring out the tonedness in your abs. Just what once they’d have every man needs. POINTLESS STUDENT LACK OF STUDENT CONSUL- David Beckham has a lot to answer for. The laughed and slapped 8 UNION HACKS man has taken the male image on to a new level 2 TATION BY UCD AUTHORITIES and convinced the world that he’s a great footballer through brand management and good you on the back You know the type. Unable to actually get Considering the vast changes that have been looks. elected to the Students’ Union, they remain on introduced in the University over recent years, it Being an ordinary man in a world of metrosexu- It’s got a very serious undertone. Where women as minions, happy to be let in on the non-stop makes it even more unbelievable the lack of seri- ality is an increasingly strange thing. You see discuss their problems men generally bottle them action of the corridors of UCD ‘power.’ My ous student consultation that has occurred. beautiful girls walking around hand in hand with up. Male suicide is almost at epidemic proportions advice, move on before its too late. Highlighted in particular by the recent announce- be-mulleted men with highlights wearing blazers and the last thing unconfident young men need is ment of the registrar Philip Nolan that semester- and pink t-shirts and with a diamond stud in one to be told that they are fat, unattractive and not isation would be introduced throughout the uni- ear. matching the stereotype of what they should look THE UCD CLONE versity by 2006. There needs to be more involve- To me the metrosexual look is bordering on the like. 7 ment of students in the decisions that shape and ridiculous. Pink was never intended to be worn by I read in a national newspaper earlier this year affect their lives. It’s our future they’re playing men. Diamond studs will always be taboo and the that the ‘real man’ is back in fashion and women In the case of girls; this abundant creature is mullet was never, and never will be, attractive. were turning their backs on the metrosexual. This commonly seen holding a latte (or other such with. THE BRADYIZATION OF UCD Footballers now shave their chests and appear is good news because if things keep going the meal substitute) and standing outside the arts 1 in modelling ads. I’m not really old enough to hark way they are, men will lose all sense of identity. block or Quinn School. She is usually decked out back to the era of the bearded wingers, the hard Metrosexuality is a by-word for the effeminisa- in dubes and Polo-sport merchandise (which can nuts and mucky pitches but I’m going to anyway. tion of the human male. It’s ok to be in touch with also be substituted by Abercrombie) and accom- Change is inevitable; it can even be hugely What sort of role model shaves his chest? your sensitive side but to have all men preening panied by jeans or navy O’Neills. Face must be beneficial and successful. However, the way in It used to be a badge of honour not to have and beautifying themselves takes away from orange, eye’s highlighted by heavy eyeliner and which President Brady has seen fit to change showered. ‘Showers are for dirty people!’ we many of the funner elements of human nature. hair is usually blonde though this is not manda- and stamp his legacy on UCD has been nothing cried. Nowadays you go without showering to your I’m sure a psychologist will tell you that it’s all tory, some brunettes have been known to slip short of a disgrace. His failures lie in his obses- peril. Even your male friends look at you weirdly down to the undermining of the male psyche due through the cracks. In the case of guys, it’s sion with the commercialization of the University. when once they’d have laughed and slapped you to the rise of female intelligence and the lack of dubes and head to toe Ralph Lauren. While they Obviously UCD needs investment and to make on the back. meaning in peoples lives. I can’t claim to be a psy- are an established fixture around Belfield, I think money through research, but the corporate take People don’t need to shower every day. That cho-analyst but I do know that if society keeps its time for Ross - ‘it’s just not funny anymore’- over of UCD will not benefit us in the long run. seemingly accepted fact is a fallacy. However, this going down this road then we’re headed for a O’Carroll-Kelly and his followers to hang up their Brady should not lose sight of the point of our metrosexual society in which we live has new strange and unpleasant world. dubes and discover their individuality. University – us, the students. 4.10.05 REGULARS 23

BECAUSE A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED

Dear Tribune, Every night I go to sleep dry and wake up mar- inating in a sodden and tangy mattress. I don’t I think I’m in love with Miley from Glenroe. He’s know what to do, I’ve tried everything; nappies, such a dreamboat. I can’t sleep, every time I vice-grips, not drinking my two pints of water close my eyes I see his hulking masculine frame before bed and it just keeps happening. pulsating in front of me. I imagine his grey locks I even tried staying up all night and when I cascading in the wind as he runs through cow looked away for five minutes to fluff my teddy dung into my awaiting arms. I think of all the con- bear it was everywhere, on my Bosco pyjamas, versations we could have, how he would talk me on my walls and on my Action Man alarm clock. to sleep at night with stories of arable and fodder I’m pretty sure I don’t do it myself. I’ve been crops. angling for my brother’s double room and I think I keep harking back to that scene in the barn he keeps defecating in my bed in order to keep where Miley seduces Fidelma. I keep wishing I his stranglehold on the big room. My Mam won’t was her. I’ve now changed my name by deed- look at me anymore and the other night I heard poll. her telling a neighbour about the shame of hav- We would have such original looking children. ing a 20-year-old son who wets himself. What I really don’t know what to do? Should I tell him? can I do?

Yours, Yours in hope, Fidelma Peter Dear Dave, However, its two weeks on now and I can’t get Dear Fidelma, Dear Peter, the paint off. I’m showering up to three times a Thanks for that. I bet you’re not. day and it just won’t budge. You have a hideous name. Perhaps if you It is you isn’t it? Don’t bother lying, you’re a It turns out I used the all-weather stuff when I changed again it you might be able to score. You filthy dirty bed-wetter and there’s no getting away should have used gloss. I’m at my wits end and have to ask yourself whether your obsession with from it. What you should do is find a nice big hole Dear Tribune, can’t come into college. Please help. a middle aged farmer/actor results from your and lie in it. If it isn’t you sorry, you’re screwed. childhood. Do you fancy your da? I’ve just started in UCD and I wanted to fit in Yours, Dear Tribune, like all the rest of the girls. My Dad’s a painter and Deirdre Dear Tribune, decorator. One night I snuck into the shed and I’m ridiculously good looking. Just thought opened a tin of orange dulux paint. Dear Deirdre, I have a problem and I can’t talk to anyone you’d like to know. I lashed it on real thick. It was grand for the about it. Somebody keeps wetting my bed during first couple of days and everyone thought I was You’d be surprised at how common a problem the night while I’m asleep. Yours, cool. Some guy even gave me a yellow t-shirt to this is. B&L have produced a special handbook Dave wear around. on this, give them a shout, they’ll sort you out. THE TRIBUNE GUIDE TO THE

In theLUNGE second instalment of the Tribunes now intended conquest. Find out what colour they are, imagine you are world famous ‘Guide to the Lunge’ we bring you awash in their cosmic beauty. Next read the body signals. Are they making eye contact? Are they the ‘lean-in’. playing with their hair, or are their legs crossed away from you, are If you don’t know how to lean-in you don’t know how they impatient, do they keep checking their mobile intently. to lunge. This particularly ‘modus operandi’ is the most If they are returning your signals then the lunge is most probably on. simplistic of lunges. Before we move on through the However, be cautious, the most seemingly obvious lunges have often minefield of more technical lunges such as the Long ended in cataclysmic disaster. Ranger and the Moisturiser, one must first learn to lean- At this stage go for a test run. The Americans would never have in. dropped the atomic bomb without one and neither should you. Leaning-in in the correct manner requires patience, Lean towards her ever so slightly, drop your right shoulder by rough- timing and some level of technique. It is the Luas of ly 45 degrees, tilt your head and begin to move towards her. Do not lunges, graceful, sleek and always-on time. You must not make any sudden movements. It should be one flowing motion. At the be like Dublin Bus, cumbersome, unwieldy and always late. moment of truth just move your head down and fix the laces on your Timing is crucial. Lean in too early and you will expose yourself like the mustela erminea stoat ,renowned for its shoes. soft underbelly. From this you will ascertain your prey’s position, Should you venture forward too late the moment may have Did they lean in and close their eyes or did they jolt like a pregnant passed and the lunge evaded you, perhaps forever. piebald doe caught in the headlights of an articulated lorry. A lunge should not be something sordid. It should not be If she is still there, operation ‘lean-in’ must move to level three. forced. It must be natural. There is something intrinsic about Adopt all the basics of the test run. This time however, follow through. the lunge, you will know in your heart whether it is on. Eyes closed, lips moistened and pursed, tongue at the ready you To begin, make eye contact. Gaze deeply into the eyes of your are now ready to pounce. Go forth and conquer THE VOLUME XIX ISSUE II MOSS OFF THE COKE PAGE 4 URBINEy l T n o

l i

It’s Satire, Stupid! t

s 31p INSIDE GARDENERS STUPID EVERYWHERE MOURN DEATH OF CRYBABY A man has been criticised for crying Due to his quick reflexes, honed on the over spilt milk. Jonathon Mulrooney local GAA fields, the Leitrim man was, how- BUSH ever, able to salvage roughly one-quarter of from Carick-on-Shannon, County the milk. Leitrim spilt the milk after returning Initialy Jonathon was relieved to have res- from his local Mace. cued some of the milk, however, shock soon A family friend revealed that Jonathon had set in and Jonathon began to cry like a girl. “OUCH IT HURTS” - purchased a pint of Avonmore Slimline milk. Despite the attention of his friends, family The friend, who described himself as and the local Priest the milk spiller was Jonathons’ best friend in the whole wide inconsolable. Fearing for his health, his COLLEGE world exclusively revealed that Jonathon mother called the emergency services. loved a glass of milk. By the time the ambulance arrived, rough- The horrific incident is believed to have ly one hour later, Jonathon had retreated RE-BRANDS occurred when the plastic bag carrying the into the foetal position. It took the ambulance milk split. The carton then fell on the ground men an hour to declamp him. spillaging across the kitchen. One of the paramedics chastised the for- It is estimated that up to three-quarters of lorn Mulrooney stating ‘it’s not worth crying SHOCK AS the carton was lost. over spilt milk’. BEFORE THE ACCIDENT Due to a lack of confidence been revised and re-strucutured. The and incompetency the News section will now be known as the STUDENTS LEAVE PARANOID School of Hearsay and Conjecture Turbine has undergone sig- while the Health and Fashion section nificant re-branding and re- has been amalgamated with Sport to APARTMENT TIDY structuring. The paper will form the School of Cardiovascular now be known as the Good Looks. Plans are also afoot for the HACKS Turbine Turbine. Turbine’s 20th anniversary celebra- FACTS ABOUT HACKS It is also getting an expensive and tions, all writers will be sent home NIGGAZ BE TRIPPIN 90% DESCRIBED FRESHERS BALL AS pointless new masthead. We’re hoping while the editorial big-wigs will be ‘GOOD’ to spend as much money as possible. entertained by pointless celebrities 64.2% THINK A BIRD IN THE HAND IS The sections of the paper have now and bright lights OVER 50’S OUT- WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH STRETCHED LEG NORTHERN IRELAND SPORT AMPUTATED Pesky Northern Ireland don’t stop this we’ll make Bjork DALGLISH: has been blown up. release another album. You P. O’FLYNN have been warned. ’ The annoying pseudo- International markets took a county has been axed Brighton. To rapturous futile attempts at peace and major dip with shares in MY ELOCUTION by government big applause Mr Brown said, ‘For national unity.’ Buckfast, Harp, Nike (Celtic’s too long Britain has put its Political writers have predict- wigs. kit maker) and Diadora responsibilities to 1.5 million ed the end for Sinn Fein in the (Ranger’s kit maker) falling dra- Despite recent developments HELL unruly subjects ahead of the south, ‘It looks like the lower matically. Analysts predicted in Northern Ireland’s peace vast majority of the UK. working classes will have to the lack of British dole giros on process, the British and Irish With the money saved not vote for a different crypto- the Shankill and Falls roads will governments have resorted to maintaining thousands of Marxist criminal gang, eh… the put these companies out of a secretly arranged ‘Plan B.’ troops and police there, Britain PDs maybe.’ business. Last night clandestine teams can have the NHS and educa- Iceland was one of the only Shocked Nordie leaders Dr from the British SAS and Irish tion system it deserves. Also voices of dissent from the inter- Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams Army Rangers sealed the bor- the troops and police evacuat- national community, a com- issued an unprecedented joint der and detonated explosives WEATHER ed will be used to clamp down plaint put before the UN’s statement, something about from Derry city to Newry caus- on chavs and basically any- Security Council proclaimed, ‘intransigence,’ ‘British and Irish ing Northern Ireland to drift body who wears Reebok clas- ‘Northern Ireland is due to col- governments’ duplicity,’ ‘situa- slowly into the north Atlantic. sics and sovereigns’ lide with us in 2012 and we tion’ and ‘struggle.’ As a result The decision was formally Reaction in the Republic was have neither the resources or of this being the same shite announced to the world by more muted, a statement from inclination to deal with a 400 they’ve been talking about for SHITE chancellor Gordon Brown at the the Taoiseach’s office hundred year old sectarian con- thirty-five years, nobody gave a Labour party conference in called it, ‘A pragmatic end to flict on our doorstep. If you fuck. 4.10.05 SPORT 25 DOWN THE LINE PHYSICALITY BREEDS CONTEMPT An emphasis on brawn and reliability has the capacity to ruin sport as a spectacle, and to seriously hamper the chances of this country producing world-class sportsmen writes Colin Gleeson

He lies in wait. Seemingly surrounded. Kept in check by the hordes of red and First Division. Teams like Derby County and Sheffield white jerseys. Pinned down behind Wednesday are clear examples of teams enemy lines. He stands still, waiting for who failed to avoid the drop and are now the moment. Those who dwell in this languishing in the dour doldrums of English hurly burly hive of commotion glance football. Such a trend is already leading to a more nervously at each other. Waiting for it. ominous agenda for sport. Worryingly for And then he strikes. Irish soccer and indeed the Irish national Colm ‘the Gooch’ Cooper leaps beyond those team, there is no longer a place for the who flank him and ensnares his prey. Swivels undersized thirteen year old with all the tal- past one, pivots by two more, twists and turns ent and skill of the stars of old at that age. before firing the ball over the bar. Another point Youth development is in serious turmoil in for the young sorcerer of the kingdom. this country manifest in the state of the cur- Two weeks ago saw the continuation of a rent national team. The burning issues at trend that is currently engulfing modern day the heart of the future of this country on the sport in this country and indeed some parts of international front are dominated by our Europe. Kerry, the aristocrats of Gaelic football, capacity to produce good young talent. were humbled at Croke Park by a Tyrone side The emphasis on tough hardy young peo- that are typical of the hard-hitting, physical trend ple may well have the capacity to utterly of football that has emerged in the north of devastate the potential of this country to Ireland. compete with the best in the world. Young The growing dominance of the northern coun- people are no longer playing football on the ties in recent All-Irelands is testament to the fact streets. The greats of Eoin Hand and Jack that the beauty and dexterity that dominated the Charlton’s era grew up with the game times of great players such as Pat Spillane and around them. This is not the case today. Maurice Fitzgerald, is on the cusp of a wave of In a small village called Porto Alegre, a brute force and physical bombardment that young boy used to spend every day on the could well destroy the game as a spectacle. beach near where he lived. The sun would Such a trend is something of an atrocity for relentlessly beat down on the back of his the entire spectrum of world sport. Teams and neck and the water lapped at his ankles. respective sportsmen who adopt such tactics The sand between his toes. The ball at his are nonetheless worthy of their accolades and feet. And he would play. totally innocent of any crime against sport due to Today he strikes fear into the hearts of all the fact that the goal of any professional sports- who face him. His mazy runs. Darting to and man is to win. ON THE BEACH IN RIO: A FAR CRY FROM DOLLYMOUNT STRAND fro. The ball seemingly glued to the tips of Nevertheless, it would be an utter tragedy his boots. His absurd ability to decipher the should the cream of world sport not be provided than power their way to success. This kind of An example of this can be seen at the summit game’s conundrums before they are even with the platform on which to display the sort of upheaval of what spectator sport is all about could of the league, where Jose Mourinho’s undoubted formulated. poise, finesse and flamboyance that leaves the have serious implications for the sport and it’s fol- tactical genius has pushed him towards investing His name is Ronaldinho. A conjuror of marvel spectator reeling in a state of absolute marvel and lowers. in players such as Michael Essien rather than a and wonder. That wicked smile that lulls his foe bewilderment. The days of watching wizards such as Eric more innovative and spontaneous player such as into a false sense of security. He then spins the The grace and refinement that was once cou- Cantona dance to and fro on the field of play Pavel Nedved. web. Entangles his victim in a mesh of befuddle- pled with skill and composure in ladies tennis has before meandering his way past defenders and Talk of crisis is already rife within the ment and confusion. Devours his prey. This, the in recent years been replaced with muscle and slipping the ball deftly past a flailing goalkeeper Premiership due to falling attendances and an miracle that is nature. clout. On the biggest stage in world tennis, name- are long gone. The magicians of the game are a apparently negative style of play from all the top The reality in this country however is somewhat ly the grand slam tournaments, players like dying breed. clubs in the league. It would seem that the frightening. The current has shifted and the tide is Justine Henin-Hardenne should be on the pulpit Managers in the Premiership today are opting encroaching mentality that a draw is better than growing stronger. The future of Irish soccer is displaying all the inventive shots and nimble feet to go in search of the reliable player rather than risking defeat is etching its way across England. veering dangerously close toward self-destruc- that the game is all about. the player who might be able to do something a lit- A serious problem, no doubt at the heart of the tion. It is absolutely imperative that the situation Recent years however has seen players like tle different. Managers are not looking to add issue, is that teams who are competing at the foot be addressed without delay if it is to avoid the the Williams sisters come to the fore. Players who another dimension to their teams, but rather rein- of the table cannot afford the financial implications plunge into an arena of sham, drudgery and bro- are built like tanks and are trained to do little more force their lines of defence. that are part and parcel of being relegated to the ken dreams. the diary of a... superleague captain The centre of the park is where you will 90. by Gordon Tobin A new academic year has begun, and with it a your mates in the process can, however, some- find the best players in the Superleague bar When you begin playing the matches, you new Superleague season is about to get under- times be a sticky business. that of the main striker. The league has a will realise that the Superleague is every- way. All the teams have been registered the fees In the Superleague, the stereotypical knack of churning out G.A.A. centre mid- thing you had hoped it would be. You and paid and now the sixty odd teams wait to do breakdown of most teams goes something like fielders who run like Shetland ponies all your friends have gotten your own team battle on the carpet-like pitches the U.C.D this: For a start most of the players will be day kicking and bucking to win the ball together, and for 90 minutes every week you campus has to offer. dreadfully hung over. Usually the most ath- back. will battle your hearts out for the right to Over the last few weeks, there is no doubt letically challenged member of the squad goes Last but not least the centre forwards. say we are the champions of UCD and maybe that many of the managers have endured in between the sticks. Superleague keepers The discerning Superleague manager gener- a few crates of cheap booze. increased levels of stress due to the many are generally characterised by a Sunday ally reserves this position for the fastest and Despite the many complaints about the responsibilities that are part and parcel of league beer belly. Coupled with this they have most selfish on the squad. Super League: the terrible pitches, the lack Super league management. a propensity to scream a long stream of This model is generally the cast mould for of corner flags, Octogenarian referees who This begins with attempting to galvanise six- obscenities at the back 4 after a goal has most teams. You will however, over the season are incapable of officiating outside the cen- teen students into something that resembles a been conceded due to an unforced error on encounter a team that looks the part. You tre circle, the Super League is the envy of decent team. Ensuring the correct balance is the their part. will know them because they will be on time every of every other University in Ireland. It struck between attack and defence is obvi- Centre half’s are generally modelled on warming up before the game properly. They is also the best student league in the country ously crucial. the 1980s centre back. They are usually the will be clad in a matching kit they will have and it plays a big role in perpetuating the Choosing the all round best team with the tallest on the team and the best in the air. pre-ordered from Nike and not sporting great reputation UCD has for soccer players you have while not pissing off any of The gatekeepers. every version of the Irish Jersey since Italia 26 SPORT 4.10.05 IRISH DUO DEMAND SUCCESS Colin Gleeson spoke exclusively to Irish international and Lions stars Denis Hickie and Shane Horgan about last season and their hopes for the coming year

They have been thrust into the caul- PHOTO: SIMON WARD dron. Relentlessly bombarded and bar- raged by the most ferocious and techni- cally apt rugby maestros of the modern day era. They have been savaged and berated in the line of duty. And they have withstood this. The crème de la crème of British and Irish rugby. They have ventured to the far reaches of the world and been mauled by the fiercest of the unruly. They stood and watched the haka. This war dance. The blood in their veins turned cold but they battled on. Because that’s what great men do. But the sun went down on them. The Lion’s tour to New Zealand last summer was the latest frustration for Denis Hickie and Shane Horgan in a season that many Irish rugby fans viewed as substandard. They sit somewhat awkwardly now. Scooped from their natural habi- tat. Despite a poor show in last years Six Nations Championship and a humiliation at the hands of the All-Blacks, Denis Hickie remains positive during the post-mortem. “I thought it was quite successful. I know there was a lot of feeling afterwards that it wasn’t a good season but when you look at how many games we won and lost, it was quite a good year. Obviously we didn’t achieve what we set out to do with regards to the Championship and the triple crown or a grand slam. But we came up against a good Welsh team and we got a few injuries at crucial times, but overall I think we had a good season on the whole”. The Lions were mortally wounded in the first minute of their first test. Brian O’ Driscoll. The tal- isman in a team of leaders. A man who reads the ebb and flow of every game he plays. The uncan- ny symmetry of poise, dynamics and uncompro- mised power make him the most feared man on a rugby field this side of the world. The injury he suffered at the hands of Tana Umaga ruled him out of the tour and indeed for the foreseeable future, according to Shane Horgan, “no he won’t be back in time for the autumn internationals. I’m not sure exactly because I can’t speak for Brian but I don’t think he’s going to make it and obviously he’ll be missed. “He’s our captain and our best player. He’s the Lions’s captain. Your taking away one of our most influential players and leaders so obviously we’re DENIS HICKIE AND SHANE HORGAN: SITTING IN ANTICIPATION OF THE SEASON AHEAD going to miss him. But we have to deal with that as well and it’s up to all of us now to contribute more. As a team sometimes we rely on Brian too against teams who are way ahead of us in the can do well in the phase before Christmas can ing retribution. much in big games so everybody has to stand up world rankings, but we’ll see how we’re fixed then have a lot of things happen in the build-up to “I think there is, as there always has been for and add that little bit extra to the side”. coming into them. We’ll be as prepared as we can the second phase pre-Six Nations. the last couple of years, a high expectation level The November internationals mark the begin- be”. “So we’re kind of just looking at it in one phase that Ireland bring into the Six Nations. That’s cer- ning of a new international season for Irish rugby. The Irish winger also has a lively year to look hoping to get good results in our pre-Christmas tainly going to exist in the public domain, so to Ireland will be thrown back in at the deep end as forward to with Leinster, as they look to build outings. It’s important if we’re going to qualify that that extent we’re always in the media but it’s a they aspire to uphold the reputation of upon last season and the new facilities available we do well in our first three games. So we’ll just very tough year. Lansdowne Road as a fortress when visiting to them coming into the new campaign. “Well we have to wait and see. We’re in a tough group”. “It’s the tougher year of the two-year cycle teams come to this country, as some of the most have a new set-up here from the ground to the With the season about to get underway on both where we have to go away to Twickenham and to potent sides in the world coaches, to a lot of new players. We lost a lot of the international and the club scene, Horgan sees Paris and it’s never easy to get a result in either arrive to do battle. players here last the year ahead as a real test place. It’s been a Hickie knows what is It’s up to all of us year, a lot of of the mettle within the Irish It’s the tougher year while since we expected of him and his good players as squad. Come next spring, the won in Paris and compatriots. “It’s a pretty now to contribute well. Irish will have the opportunity although we tough schedule. I mean New We’ve had one to avenge their conquerors in of the two-year turned England Zealand and Australia are more. As a team or two injuries the Six Nations over in two of them and we might here too. Mal Championship. But for the cycle where we Twickenham two have a few injuries going into sometimes we rely [Malcolm O’Kelly] moment, there are more years ago, it’s them. hasn’t played a pressing matters at hand. have to go away to been a long time “But I think from a more on Brian too much in lot; he’s on his “Well it’s difficult to look that apart from that, positive aspect, we’re never way back from far ahead when you’ve got Twickenham and to that we’ve beat- big games so every- injury and obvi- such big games in the en them there. too easily beaten at “ “ Lansdowne Road in ously Brian’s autumn. We’ve got two of the Paris and it’s never “It’s definitely November. We’ve beaten body has to stand up going to be out world’s best teams and then going to be one South Africa, we beat and add that little bit for the first few Romania so there’s three easy to get a result of the more diffi- Australia last time they were games. Gordon’s games before we even get cult Six Nations here, it’s actually quite a extra to the side [Darcy] only com- there, and then there’s the in either place. Championships, hard place to come and win ing back and in Celtic Cup and the Heineken but if we can pull for teams. fairness we’re Cup. It’s a long way off for all our players “I think there’s something about the November playing our first full match this week”. selection even and we don’t even know if we’re together and hopefully have a very competitive internationals as well. People are really getting The prestigious Heineken Cup is where Hickie going to make up the team”. squad, it’ll be very tough to make it into the team, into the rugby at that stage and it seems to be a will be hoping that Leinster can punch above their When the time does come however, the Irish and that can only be good for Ireland’s chances”. good time of the year for the Irish team. weight and attempt to break the French domi- centre knows, that this years Six Nations After a season riddled with excuses and “They’ll definitely be good. They’ll be competi- nance in European competition. Championship will require that Ireland display all regrets, the pair will be hoping that both Ireland tive no matter who we’re playing and no matter “We’re in a pretty tough group. We’ve got Bath the wily flair and ability coupled with the passion, and Leinster can do themselves justice in the what team we have out. And there’s no doubt and Glasgow who seem to be on form. It’s very grit and determination that this country is coming season. Such will require a tenacious will they’re going to be tough games. We’re up much a two-phase competition; some people who renowned for, if it is to stand any chance of gain- to win, a steely resolve and a strong heart 4.10.05 SPORT 27 FANNING ON FIRE AT THE BOWL UCD emerged with a comfortable victory RICHARD MCELWEE over Skerries at the Belfield Bowl last Sunday to remain on course for progres- be paid to the away side as they ceaselessly - sought to end the drought. This being a consider- sion to the semi-finals of the Leinster able task as a result of their persistent errors on Senior Cup. the move. The gulf in class between these two sides, evi- Grissing was more successful in his attempt dent from their respective positioning in the AIB when released by Croke through the middle, 6 min- League, divisions 1 and 3, always left a potential utes into the second-half. The speed of the outside banana-slip. The Belfield boys despite being with- centre took him away from his pursuers time and out eight first team players maintained their com- time again. And this occasion proved no different. posure throughout with a clinical display. The UCD backline contained a mixture of both Right from the kick-off it was clear that the con- energetic running and solid defending, allowing test would be a rather one-sided affair. The impres- Skerries no room to manoeuvre or display their lim- sive out-half Cillian Lett almost immediately found ited capabilities. his stride capitalizing on a handling error by Fullback McKenna was next to add his name to Skerries winger Ronan Connolly to touchdown for the scoreboard and further exhibit the pace at his his side’s first of the afternoon on 5 minutes. disposal. After 65 minutes of action UCD were rac- Lett was a dominating influence having stamped ing towards a half century of points. his authority on the game early on; this was in stark With the announcement of UCD’s soccer team contrast to his opposite number, David Quirke, moving to the Belfield Bowl, it was quite fitting that who, despite his flashy boots, had a bad day at the neat footwork from prop Brian Hall and the tireless office. Croke opened up the Skerries defence once more. The highlight of the afternoon was undoubtedly It was substitute David Blayney who then picked the swift and efficient attacking of the UCD outfit. up the ball and flung it out wide to Fanning who Quick hands and feet was most certainly the order didn’t need to be asked twice to complete his hat of the day. trick. A typical example came in the 19th minute Therein followed seven minutes of scrappy inter- when, following good work by full-back Darren play, with a succession of turnovers for either side. McKenna, former Clongowes starlet Morgan It seemed inevitable that UCD would reach the Hickey-Crowe weaved through several challenges 50points milestone and Fanning’s replacement to score. David Nyan duly obliged. With 30 minutes on the clock, left-wing Michael It truly was a nightmare for Anthony Calegro and Fanning combined well with centre Stephen Fiach O’Shea on the Skerries right wing. Lett con- Grissing to add his name to the increasing tally. verted his fourth from nine to wrap proceedings up His second came just three minutes later, again at 53-0. the culmination of swift handling as the ball was The boys in blue will no doubt be satisfied with a spread out wide. day’s good work, and with Lett, Grissing and Croke Whilst the Belfield Brigade began to ooze excelling, things bode well for the season ahead. supreme confidence, Skerries frustration was telling as Cillian Willis, the UCD scrum-half, brave- UCD: 15 .D.McKenna 14. M.Hickey-Crowe ly dealt with prop Derek Dorian, he of enormous 13. S.Grissing 12. K.Kennedy 11. proportions. M.Fanning 10. C.Lett 9. C.Willis 8. K.Croke 7. L.Bourke 6. J.Smith 5. R.Mandenau 4. Dorian and his front eight teammates, in spite of P.Callanan 3. B.Hall their size, could not contain the more mobile and 2. A.Franciosi 1. M.Moinagh skillful College pack. Kevin Croke at number eight proved to be quite a handful, and he arose with the SKERRIES: 15. A.O’Mahoney 14. ball in hand after a strong maul to the left of the A.Calegro 13. G.Earley 12. E.Carraher 11. posts on 42minutes. R.Connolly 10. D.Quirke 9. J.Keane 8. The traveling Skerries faithful welcomed the half J.P.Ennis time respite. Many had seated themselves by their 7. M.Campbell 6. J.Sherlock 5. M.O’Keeffe defensive territory, as not once did their boys ven- 4. N.Walsh 3. K.Rooney 2. O.Ennis 1. D.Dorian ture into the opposing twenty-two. But credit must LINEOUT: UCD IN ACTION AT THE IDYLLIC SURROUNDINGS OF BELFIELD BOWL

COMPLIED BY SPORT IN BRIEF HARRY SMYTH they will be confident of beating based on their current run LACROSSE of form. HOCKEY In other news, two players from the UCD senior soccer Ireland recorded an impressive victory in the recent Celtic club have retained their places in the Irish U-21s squad Cup with fine wins over Wales and Scotland. UCD was for the games against Cyprus in Laranka on October 9th The new season is fast approaching and promises to be well represented with Michael Kennedy, Eric Timmreck, and against Switzerland at Tolka Park on October 11th. an exciting one for both the Mens and Womens teams. Paul Doyle, Joyn Kelly and Leonard Skelly all featuring in Goalkeeper Darren Quigley keeps his place ahead of This year three teams in the official Leister the hard fought competition. Notts County’s Saul Deeney, while Gary Dicker has been league will represent the men; the Elsewhere, another notable achievement was secured named from the start, despite his absence from the initial first team will be competing in as the Irish ladies team triumphed over Denmark France squad the Second Division after to seal victory in the European Newcomers having narrowly missed Tournament. This should be the spark out on promotion last required for the recently founded ALL-IRELAND season. Lacrosse club to grow in populari- The Ladies will ty. field seven FOOTBALL teams due to the ever- SOCCER A week ago last Sunday, expanding ex-UCD footballer Brian popularity Dooher captained of the club The UCD U21 team pro- Tyrone to their second so it might duced a big performance All-Ireland title in three prove a as they defeated Mullingar years. The Tyrone difficult Athletic away by a single native holds a Bachelor task to goal. One more win will be of Veterinary Medicine keep enough to put them in the from his days at Belfield tabs on quarter-finals and in a strong along with a Sigerson Cup each one position to attempt to regain medal from 1996. He also for all the the trophy they picked up last played for College in the hockey year. Next up are Kildare who Dublin Championships. enthusiasts. SPORT TALENTS’ RAPID DEMISE HICKIE AND HORGAN SEXY FOOTBALL LIFE, RUGBY AND CAN’T GET IT UP BRIAN O’DRISCOLL DOWN THE LINE - PAGE 25 EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW - PAGE 26

IRISH RUGBY STAR DENIS HICKIE AT THE MEDSOC DAY PHOTOCALL IN AID OF THE MARIE KEATING FOUNDATION BELFIELD BOYS ON THE ROCKS UCD succumbed to a 1-0 defeat at the week earlier on the same ground were run as they were outplayed, outclassed and out- hands of league leaders Cork City at COLIN GLEESON ragged for the first hour of the FAI Cup done in every department. The result encounter at the Carlisle grounds. means that College have failed to capi- Turner’s Cross last Sunday evening. we get to more finals. ” The boys in blue found themselves talise on the recent defeat of Bohemians, This was the latest in a string of results The ramifications of the result will however three goals down before they rallied and who are positioned just above them in for College that have plunged the sea- have serious implications for the club and it’s play- began to stage a fight back of sorts. Villain the table. son into turmoil. ers. The opportunity to qualify for the money-spin- was to turn hero as Pat McWalter instigat- A John O’ Flynn strike was what sep- ning Setanta Cup has passed the students by. ed the first goal for Robbie Martin before arated the two sides at the end of the In the space of just ten days, the students have Despite the impressive performances in the throwing College a lifeline with night despite the relentless pressure that been rocked by defeats to Derry City in the competition throughout the season, the club has his fourth goal in six the home side exerted on College in League Cup final and more recently at the hands come within a whisker of endless media coverage games. search of a second goal. Pete Mahon of Bray Wanderers in the FAI Cup quarterfinal. and a commercial boom. The defeat is sure to The end of the will no doubt be disappointed with At the end of a week that began with such have an adverse effect on the club’s chances of game was how- his team’s performance and the promise, the boys in blue now find themselves holding onto its players and indeed its chances of ever, shrouded dismissal of Seamus Long with no hope of silverware and the potential to be attracting more quality to the team. in controversy after just 24 minutes. dragged back into the relegation dogfight below. Mahon and his players were understandably as UCD In the wake of the most The League Cup final exposed the gulf in class devastated after the encounter with Mahon stating were damaging ten days of that exists between both ends of the league table. that “Pat McWalter is down but so are all the lads. denied the season for College were thoroughly outplayed on the night They are young lads and they are disappointed, what College, Pete despite the score line, which flattered the students we thought our name was on the cup after we looked Mahon must regardless of the fact that the Candystripes need- beat Shelbourne in the semi-final.” to be a take consolation ed an own goal from Pat McWalter in first half The UCD boss was aware of the consequences certain from the fact that injury time in order to lift the cup. of his side’s defeat but nonetheless attempted to penalty as he has steered The tell tale signs that have been evident all put a positive spin on what was a rough night for Frenchman TONY MC the club to new season for the Belfield boys were evident in the his young players. “It just wasn’t to be. We had a Damien Dupuy heights in recent showpiece as the players were bereft of invention DONNELL: good run and it’s up to us to come back and make was bundled over months and and flair in the final third. UCD manager UCD sure we have more nights like this.” just six yards from brought UCD Pete Mahon admitted afterwards that his side SKIPPER Matters were to go from bad to worse for the goal as he prepared to football this sea- lacked the necessary experience on the big stage students just three days later despite Mahon’s pull the trigger. IN ACTION son to a and that his players should try to take the experi- words of council. The Belfield boys were suffering That Mahon and his crescendo of ence as a learning curve when he claimed that “a from what UCD Director of Soccer Diarmuid team travelled to hope and few of our younger players now know what it’s like McNally described as “a League Cup hangover,” Cork licking their prosperity for to play at this level. I hope they learn from this and when the very same team that outplayed Bray a wounds was evident the future.