Use your aMAZE! Journey Adult Guide with this BFF booklet to help middle school girls prevent bullying and lead with friendship.

A bully- prevention experience based on the Girl Scout leadership curriculum aMAZE! WHAT’S INSIDE

p 4 Welcome to Volunteers p 5 How to Use This Booklet p 6–9 BFF Essentials: Support tools for s topics and how to include Girl Scout processes p 10 You May Be Wondering… p 12 Session 1: First Impressions in the Maze p 14 Session 2: Navigating Friendships p 16 Session 3: Cliques and Conflicts p 18 Session 4: Caution: Bullies Straight Ahead p 20 Session 5: Let Peace Begin with You p 22 Session 6: Improving Relationships in the World p 24 Session 7: Toward Peace: Take Action! p 26 Session 8: Pass It Forward BFF

(Be a Friend First)

elcome to BFF (Be a Friend First), which is designed to work with the aMAZE! Journey, Girl Scouts’ highly acclaimed leadership curriculum. The aMAZE! Journey gives Wmiddle school girls valuable skills and tools for figuring out relationships. BFF takes girls a step deeper. How? By focusing on the confidence and skills they need to prevent all-too-prevalent bully behavior. Middle school is a time of transition and adjustment for girls, and also a time when bully behavior peaks. Girls tell us that they want to feel safe and protected, and want to help others feel the same. How can we get them there? By showing them how to build meaningful relationships and resolve conflicts peacefully and constructively. And by empowering them to educate others and create more peace…in their schools, communities, and who knows where else? We’ve drawn on our many years of girl expertise, best practices, and research—all delivered right here in BFF and through our aMAZE! Journey. Healthy relationships are the solution to bully prevention. BFF inspires girls to lead one another—with friendship! Before You Begin Read your aMAZE! Adult Guide (begin on page 30) to see how things are laid out and what activities make sense for you. Do the same with your BFF to BFF booklet to see how they match up and to help you aMAZE! plan. Of course, you don’t have to follow the guide or booklet word for word—once you get a topic (Be a Friend First) started, listen for where girls want to take it!

Dear Volunteers, Congratulations! Because of you— and a network of volunteers like you across the country—middle school girls (in Girl Scouting, we call them Cadettes) are about to learn how to deal with bully prevention and make a difference in the world. Bully behavior tends to peak in middle school, making these years the most important time to promote positive social and leadership skills.

The good news? It can be done! aMAZE! Through BFF, which was developed to work alongside the Journey leadership curriculum, you will help girls change their behavior and develop friendship skills, which ultimately will change their relationships—and their future! Think about it—not only will these skills help girls thrive in middle school, they’ll also help girls succeed throughout their lives. No matter what jobs girls have or where life

SESSION 1 SESSION

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aMAZE! Adult Guide: Use BFF Booklet: Use this with your aMAZE! Girl Book: Each girl should this to guide Girl Scout Cadettes aMAZE! Adult Guide for bully- have her own aMAZE! girl book. From through aMAZE! prevention tips, discussion questions, time to time during this experience, and additional activities. you’ll refer to activities in this book.

Here’s How to Use This Booklet

� Opening Ceremony SESSION 1 SESSION 1 nt ,.text.bubbles,.or.doodles. Team Agreeme SAMPLE Stretching Out the Journey SAMPLE � urface “I like the fact that the girls can come InviteSample.the .Ceremoniesteams.to.mark.their.mazes.with.sketches SESSION 1 � Activity 1: Beneath the S If.the.team Movie Nights which.ingirls.their.place.lives..slips.Encourage.of.paper.them.on.. .to. SESSION 1 llies Look Like? SAMPLE SESSION. has1.time,.you.might.stretch • Create a “conversation starters” jar.in. SAMPLE

SAMPLE WHAT YOU’LL DO Choices for the Journey.the.journey.beyond.eight that.show.the.relationship.issues.they.navigate. esources”.they.use.to. � Activity 2: What Do Bu to our meetingsfact, and.you.may feel. comfortable and .secure;sessions..In. . which.they’ve.written.words.or.phrases.that.capture.various.relationship.topics.. N O What’s Infind .Yourthat.that Maze?.one.ses Many.of.the.relationship.topics.addr hoes (optional) Invite.the.girls.to.form.one.big.circle.sion.Mention.can.become.that.circles.three..are.anissues.important.that.make. . show.both.the.challenges.that.occur.essedin.the..inmaze.this..andjourney.the..“r PREPARECEREMONIES? � Walk In My S tight.schedule,.simply. .But.if.you.are.on.a. . (such.as.cliques,.peer.pressure,.being.yourself)t.from.others.and.the.theyare.leadership..poignantlytrust)..Perhaps.qualities.por .they.. . Session 1:

trayed. SESSION 1 SESSION 1 (though.sometim NO WORRIES ing for Goals SAMPLE talk eremony: Go ill be able to AHEAD Closing C four so they w engage.the.girls hree to t small teams of e going to This.activity.gets.girls.thinking.together.about.the.relationship. Ch girls to form goals they ar es.exaggerated).i he onal oices f Ask t or the pers First ImpressionsSESSION 1 or the in the Maze n support f in overcome.those.challenges.(such.as.suppor Journey gai al First Impressions in the Maze nd go

e Surface tes another a haring a .in.the.topics.they. SAMPLE t h th Cade with one when s they are not afraid to speak their minds. I am LET Invite the neat k, lets the easily l commitment or.skills.that.go.along.with.them..Each.week,.one.girl.chooses.a.slip.of.paper.. GIRLS D girls to f Be he girls’ boo ter persona . O orm on t grea n.contemporary.and.cl e e 20 of LET GIRLS DO big circle. Me Sa d on pag nking ends to be ure hi SAMPLE way.to.relate;.everyone.can.see.one.another,.so.everyone.is.equal.and.can.focus. TH ntion mple , feat them t y. (There t E AD wa tha Ceremo tivity so gets identif DING ON y to relate; e t circles are nies This team ac ences. It al ne.) most.want.to.cover. veryone can se an important eal their differ sed to a large o If it’s p e on ev ps. as oppo maze.and.other.“positives”. ossible for e another, • Create ilarities and r relationshi l group, .getting.to.know.one.another.and. the their so ever a “conve P? their sim r their a smal omething on’t e yon r ROU ver inde g s FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE girls nergy t e is eq sation st GE G disco ight h sayin to have ogethe ual an arter SESSION 1 LAR ions m tivity by assic.films..Movie.and trips, r as a team. T d can focus which t s” jar in whic and assumpt plain the ac h h h g ons en, sug ey’v irls SAMPLE oup i and ex If ceremonies d retreats, gu gest t e writte place sli Cadette gr st impress ach girl est for ha n w ps ur to e speaker how this jo t the team n ords or p of paper If yo about how fir of paper s, urney t ow cr (suc hrases th on 0-12 piece in.each.sess or other ad hrough a eate a plan h as cliq at captu ore than 1 Give a Ahead of each d-ons duri MAZE w ues, pee re variou has m ng ill unf r pressu s relationshi SESSION 1 or af work a old. If the re, bein p to s divide plain: ter their jo round, m re are an or skills t g yourself pics irls, perhap ircle. Ex rtain urney, ention them y time limit hat go alon ) and the le g rls stand in a c er the like: you rely on ce

invit up fron s to g with th adership smaller Have gi and answ maze, ion..Either.way,.the.goal . FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE e t e q o discussion.night the , so m. ua int ape ving a m t gir Ea lit N t ol meeting o brainst ls kn and t ch we ies O SESSION 1 them ece of al or they c ow t hen ek, o ne pi , when s ard a go m an get c he parame starts a sho ne girl c with its emove o ploring how iving tow the possib reative. ters wit rt gro hooses a ups—each d to you, r n ex ou’re str ilities, an And if t hin wh up talk slip of C SAMPLE gro s passe y we’ve bee hen y d he team ich about wh paper EREMO y, he ball i • Toda is true w n you to tak has plen at’s writ NIES? ll. That wa • When t . The same each whe THE ADDING ON e lead roles stretch o ty of time, e • ten on it. own ba chniques rying to r and.then.starts.a.short.group.talk.about.what’s.written.on.it. ut T te e t . in the tr ncour he girl N a ath. ies or you’r s.are.a.great.way.for. s O their.lives.“mazelike.”.It.also.engages.girls.in eg ip ag t rne at int plannin . e the girls t ake turns WORRIES l can have tion unde str e end po rls, g them. For o selecting son every gir ques urn. uch like th also.want.to.show.the.role.of.great.friendships.in.the. gs t yet had a t al is m .is.for.you.and.the.Cadettes exp that er a s no go erienc refl If c w Your example, ing or ect relat eremonie nce to ans rl who ha in life. perhaps gir might en ionship is s don’t cha ball to a gi SAMPLE interest the gi ls Perh coun sues t oss the ap ter he , t . s a a y a i FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE e want to few of t session long the m re nterest the tion. answering ate a maz cover the he girls wou , ask a girl to aze of life. At girls, ques • After ch girl has had navig girls.to.sample.the.many. ld like to volunt the st d . After ea with the s e a on’t ss their.energy.together.as.a.team..Then,.suggest.that.the.team.now.create.a.plan. ess cap er to rt o b oce ion on cliqu the b ture wha a c play he f each e concerne t the pr es during ig points t the grou ell phone) r song for d. rls to star

an ) on a lar p discuss , and the the grou Upco of the gi on about FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE Cadettes, ove ge she es ( n ta p (e min o one rsati rnight gat et of p just ke a few ven if ju g sessions he ball t a conve FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE hering aper tha minutes st from offer n give t tion, start n: fect them, .to.have.a. or p the jo t the team to relate sugges The o a ques The most af t TIPS FOR erhaps the urney. can ref • he song tions for espond t ssues that e E t s

y want r back to alon ach girl brin o aMAZE. imple he ball and r some of elationship i oving a SESSION 1 to p g gs pict ceremo o catch t s asking rm the r ique, impr

lan a clos ures from ma nies (no chance t perhap brainsto ative cl ing plann FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE a n by to passageways.of. party. intere gazines t ing ul discussio he girls ting out of a neg SESSION 1 Mayb st she h hat refle needed aningf • Ask t lly, get meaningful.journey. e they w In opes to f ct a dire ) that the ide a me up to a bu y. for the an tr o ct Gu THE JOURNEY’S t to od llow ion o . ng irel uce in r a ssions tandi ent each are pictu life’s ma n Ca st impre it’s s ing else flip through a of choic res. Fo ze. Creat dettes can fir whether , or someth e concerned. their boo e-making r an ope e a team p perform riends If it’s possible ks , a nin os more f nd in g cere ter fr ing don’t b and select great ex vite girls t pic mony, enc om those spontaneous ns: und out ndship, mak r herself, amazed at the comments they make regarding pe o p t o ly tio o ie fo aMAZE..Gir the rie a ur ura , s ut f fr e act n rti es g ho b olv ivities ce. Here a cipate in c mean to t e girls to ta uld these ques one else wants to s and t re some o reating a hem and lk about they decide t some two) she you’ll find it opics that f the ch the lead what the they w ng abou ssue (or per in an .So.try.to.build.in.time o e methi i ice ma r ir o nterest how to a s to discu ze succe ship skills n ant you knew s oses which i n puts the pa ls.might.even.want.to. them t pproach ss and so ssfully in eeded to an opening o r thought rl then cho She the . he most, an them: me idea that way navigate f some e you eve • Each gi of paper beginning.to.team.up... d plan s about throu . If space allo life’s kind. • Hav on her sheet useful a m ghou ws, le n. em) ega-sessio t each se ave the Explai es it (or th

SAMPLE n to dive ssion. team po ere wrong? and writ lf. that.occur.in.their.interactions.. SAMPLE ster h ou w se into anging y sses to her them. Enco Awards she addre .all.along.the.way.for.the. urage t teams? envelope that hem at the SHARING AND the gir ns impac eturn t ls t sio ll r partner.up.with.oth o discuss st impres ved know you’ Team Agre How do fir e first percei let girls their that.reflect.relationship.issues.they.are.. any “mak Find • he way w opes and d toward e trips, t el e The girls take turns selecting songs o ons offer e it u tly ess for.how.this.journey.through.aMAZE.will.unfold..If.there.are.any.time.limits.to. your t i e ac env gr • f t ment ed o h ex l own” e girls are in f everyone is llect the sea on how they pr girls to hav journey terested e act as i • Co n reflect choose OPENING CEREMONY ideas t in ear hen w rs. y ca ess they he Upcoming sessi hey might P ning the I Close th appens w clude othe rney, so t m—unl ha eacemake nteract, Dip e discuss • What h lude or ex the jou ust for the er.Cadette.groups.in ve. r awards durin lomat, and ion by inviting this can inc end of ction will be j Cadettes.. to read through the g the jou girls to ma about how what the refle rney. (Th Sa ke a te m? Talk else there, them know Review th ey can earn o y something l am agreemen the know anyone goal. Let e steps to th ne, two, or all ike: As we tra t. ou don’t to.just.hang.out.together e awards as g three.) vel through a room and realize y re. iven on page anothe MAZE, it’s imp u walk into a ers? to sha

9 of the girl r. What do we ortant that • When yo table with oth

• M s’ bo nee we or STRETCHING OUT THE JOURNEY .the.area. en ok d tr mf tion . to p ust o eel co FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE that t romise ne o f SAMPLE SESSION 1 he Take Actio po each other, so you usually do t for.mega.movie.night n Pr siti t do rs, o.to.four.girls..(In.large. oje ve e hat use the ct can be xperience we can h ir leadership sk a team effort relating to o ave a really ession on? r simple ills to contr in which girls w thers along th our first impr DISCUSSING ib is jo s, guest speake co ute ill u ase y for ,.enjoying.the.safe. mmun to buil rney? T ou b ple .phrase.or.slogan.(something. ity of their ding positiv • We w hen, offe • What do y ting peo retreat c r hoic e rela ill wa these e when mee FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE e. tion tch o idea ns ar HAVE MORE TIME? suggestions fo ships i ur bo s: essio experiencing.or.might.encounter.along.the.maze.of.life..At.the.start.of.each.. n a dy language w your first impr ION s. he nk S . n w u thi S sample sess • If gi e talk and e do yo T SE rls a lis curat X » r te ac E r e not interes • If we h n (no eye ro • How ox or othe space.and.emotional. ted in the D ave a conflict lling!) FOR THE N l, empty b Actio iplomat with at smal ion, or the n Project, Award, wh someone in the first time? omeone, and wh t session a pping what wou ich involve the group sion of s the nex g it (wra work.around,.mention.them.up.front,.so.girls.know.the.parameters.within.which. ld they like t s doing a T , we can . . g first impres o bring to decoratin there any to o do instea ake • If we have . etely wron Ask girls t d ends for s to TEAM AGREEMENT pics in thei d during Ses a different ou had a compl odds an bring item school and teachers and issues they face.” r bo sio opin e y ome to ok t ns 5- ion nd s em time? hat they wa 7? Are , we can . . . • When hav tainer a urage th e connections.. Do the girls w nt to talk mo con , glue). Enco ifferent, th re nd? ds d ons during ant to plan t about durin • Gossip ed your mi sion of you? ibbon, bea something Start.by.asking.the.Cadettes.to.form.small.groups.of.tw hes g th wo chang es r, r tle e sessio is uld be st impr pape lit s (no planning ns themselve hurtful beca rong fir one brings a DO: u had a w ery As.the.teams.finish.up,.ask.them.to.think.of.one s? se . . . people If ev sting. or other add- n oo. tere v he t n so.important. Using Cer of situations w ourself? share, uch more i ceremonie m It’s your first session, so emonies to n you think ession of y be that When inviting girls to ill Co Perhaps o ACTIVITY • Ca curate impr ating w revised sess nne ne of e an ac decor ct at the girls c do to giv E Each Mee an capt t did you e for who teer to: to.girls.at.this.age—and.so. xplain that c ting ure the team a Wha o see peopl nt to volun ere b g you t a session,.ask.a.girl.to.volunteer.to.play.her.song.for.the.group.(even.if.just.from.. monies, eve rought to all reement on p sions allow f any girls w ion you n sh me a es i he.sentence:.. o et per impr Ask . r so t t on ings it firs time es, can be a g and the girls c can be ou do so that ny. Walk In My Shoes Page ou 35 rea an d y remo t t t w c ul are? ogether to ma ay to take a heck in on h • What co ou think they opening ce each.other,.count.off.the.groups.so.that. rk each Ca little ow they are er than who y n a simple 8 SAMPLE SESSIONS de d th la tte gathe oing. are, ra • P lities the rest of ring as specia they really endship qua urney, the day. Ce l and sepa m about fri remonie rate fro stor much.a.part.of. s can be a f m ead a brain ) to un way f • L ls’ book or after their jo each other. As or girls to co 2 in the gir ) k nne 1–3 uide needed) that the the girls if t ct and relat (pages 3 45 in this g share ideas and feelings, hey have a e ” (page they.can.get.creative..And.if.the.team.has.plenty.of.time,.encourage.the.girls.to. lig ny ideas f alk Show have dev hting or cer ert T what.makes.. candles emonie e Exp Fresh Perspectives o s, th r listening to such as an “Ask eloped in music—or of • Host fer everyone’s bound t the next page up some of th groups.or.groups.where.girls.don’t.know. . Then ask e suggestio the girls if the ns on short.that.could.fit.on.a.bumper.sticker).that.completes.t clos y want to hav e th e c a.cell.phone),.and.then.take.a.few.minutes.to.relate.the.song.to.aMAZE. eir time toge eremonies to o Girl.Scouting.unique. th . er. F pen a ind nd now out which girls /or mi rform ceremonies—p ght like to pla 37 .involved.in.choosing. erha n an em to brainstorm p d s even c lead so invite th irculate a sign me Beneath the Surface First Impressions in the Maze alwayspartnershipCadettes let themcan wit pe k o feel a little -up list. —Connie A. Fratianni, Girl Scout volunteer and alumna, Manhasset, N h the “Never judge someone else 34 SAY: FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE the possibilities, and stretchAT. outA.the GLANCE.trip. sly, “pass” should nervous, and that’s n girls.have.a.chance.to.meet.and.can.bypass.any.discomfort Hearing.about. thatgirls.spontaneou it’s Thinking OK to ab 36 * ew York Our lives arethe .likeexperiences a maze.of.older because. . . . out • Each girl brings pictures from magazines.that.reflect.a.direction.or.an. rief ormal. to take lead roles in girls.and.women. orthey just decideoffer a they b want * SAY: “Great! Now tha 35 DO: The activity on page 36. until you’ve walked a mile in FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE can.add.fresh. the sess STRETCHING OUT THE JOURNEY This activity will help br teams.)As.time.permits,.you.might.want.to.try perspectives.to.the .present.its.maze—and. ion as a whole t we all know each other a v

planning them. For Perhaps.a.few.of.the.girls.would.like.to..capturesome.“detours”.what.the.and.group. .discusses.(just. . interest.she.hopes.knowledge.to.follow..inCadettes.life’s.maze..Create.a.team.poster.from.those.. thoughtletsan opening you or concentrate two. of sAndome let kind. eak talk about what we’re h their shoes. Let’s figure out what .gain.through.aMAZE.. e. FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE girls add-ons,.includi Call.the.full.group.back.together.and.invite.each.team.to the ice, let girls hear bit better, let’s example, perhaps ng: ADVANCE PREP You.don’t.need.to. girls know that it’s fine ere for. BFF stands for ‘B Goal:.Girls.explore.relationshipsmall.obs.groups—perhaps.saying. look.Thispictures..very.farguide.For. .an.opening.provides.ceremony,.encouragea.sample.girlswhere.to.talktheschedule..girlsabout.do.what.not..knowtheir.for... .an.eight-on the potential impact their own ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! er the the.big.points).on.a.large.sheet.of.paper.that.the.team.can.refer.back.to.along. ADVANCEto .PREPexpand.the.horizons. First’—a name middle school gi that old proverb means!” want to cov InviteTrips.girls and.to. introduceTeam-Building.themselves .inActivities.their. some.of.the.issues.they.illustrated.onof.it..middle.In.groups.schoolers.. . toof share each generaldiscu ideas voices, and get comfor e a Friend Be a friend first? to.do.when.they.have. . pictures.mean.to.them.and.the.leadership.skills.neededThey.to..navigaterespect..highlife’s. .. ssion and rls like you came up with! session on cliques during impact.first.impressions.have.on.reltacles.and.the. Inflategirls,.so.the.you.beach.m .ball,.if.necessary,.andini.useteam.a..mightthin.permanent.also.introduce.marker.themselves.to.writschool.to. . withoutactivity. getting At the into table BFF, we’ll be talking What does it mean to: surface? the.journey. ight.invite.Girl.Scout.Seni start sharing. ASK: Invite girls to trace ight gathering somethingDepending.about.on.your.themselves,. .such.as.their.favorite.thing. oneInflate.sessionmaze.another,.the.successfully.beach.the.journey,..membersball,.in.if..thatnecessary,.of.way..each.with.If..m.andspace.useors..eachallows,..aand.thin.Ambassador..leaveperm.session.the.team.poster.lasting.hangingpass. ...about.75-90r example,. , sharing, playing games, In ? Go beneath the v DO: an overn AT A GLANCElocation.and.the s,.or.other.teen. specifics.of sessions, Fo you’ll see nt .season,ary.their.a..visitanswers,.to.a..cornso.that. .those.girls.who. “Beneathcommunity.the.members.Surface”.questions.from.the.list.below.each..aroundteam.to.the.end.ball..its..presentationThen. . e that will lead you all to hea and doing things or perhaps they wa ationships.maze,.hedge.maze,. throughout.each.session.,.to.present.their.ow theyhandy might “Advan say, “Tru Not be judgmental? their shoes on a piece freerock.time..labyrinth,.But.encourage.or .the.girls.to.v the. .larger.group.before.sharing.their.maze.n.Askinsights.on.the.journey ce Prep” ? ASK: Girls to share somet lthier friendships! And in g party. .other.life-size.maze.will “Beneath.the.Surface”.questions.from.the.list. anent.marker.to.write. great to plan a closin Introduce.each.area.of.choice-making,.and.invite.girlsacles.to.participate.and..thein.creating. .a. topicsminutes..(it’s .You’ll.probably.find.that.’seach.relationship.sample. friendshipstips..session Some are a . hing process, you’ll lea of drawing paper. .add.life-size.richness.to.the.journey... use.masking.also.tape.a..chanceto.cover.for.the.the.questions..ol .The.tape.gets.peeled.off.as.girls. involve funny or interesting about rn how to have the confidenc the Maybe they want to know(And.it’sothers.a.great.might.excus.share.something.new. der.teens.to.develop.thei resource to get out of e.for.the.girls.to.sightsee,. byuse.sharing.masking.its.tape.“bumper.to.cover.sticker”.the.questions..slogan. .The.tapebelow.gets.around.peeled.rthe.leadership.of.ball..Then.skil. material preparations; bullies and understa ir books great•Goal: .experience..Girls..exploreHere.are.some.relationship.of.the.choices..obstto.discuss.and.some.ideas.about. Your.community.may ls).. e to stand up to flip through the What’s in Your Maze? .on.shop,relationships..and.eat—in.other theTeam.ball.and Agreement.answer.a.havequestion.experts.beneath..in.conflict.(This..is.a.perfect.opportunity.for.girl. aothers tangle relate in the to maze” themselves that othe nd what bully behavior is all ab • Ask each to define themselves have.some.fun .(or.anything.they.can.write.words,.on). . theoffers.ball.and.answermore.a.question.than.beneath..you.(This.and.mediation,is .the.networkinggirlsboard.(or..willany.st .paper.cover.you. .in.that.time. session. also come up with a projec and select the activities their way.) rathertopics than, and off“My friends rs in the out. You’ll how•Giveimpact Choices.to.each.approach ..forgroupfirst the..them:a .Journey.impressionspiece.of.paper.or.cardboardhave• Beneath the Surface Putvolunteersother.the.relationship-buildi.heading.to.assist.).“Our.life.is.a.maze.because”.on.a.poster. f.as.girlsrategies,.pass. .or. er ideas group wouldn’t know, li t to share what you’ve l on the paper by using the and topics that interest draw.a.maze.of.their. Close.the.discussion.by.nginviting.skills..girlsthat.toyou.make.can.a.team.agreement... _____ and _____ are so volunteers.to.assist.) .tap.a..perfectas.”well..phrase,.opportunity.add.it..tofor.the.girl.board. . about how to approach ke: Pet’s others. Ready to get starte plan • Closing Ceremony: Going for Goals That’s.perfectly.fine.because.how.you.decide.to.work.with. earned to help qualities of friendship they them the most, and andWhile.markers.visiting.or.a.pens. .and.ask.them.to.take.a.few.minutes.to. greatthem becausewith the theygi name? Vegetable they refuse d?” “real”.maze,.consider haveSay..somethinghandy)..As.like:.each.As.team we .travelgives. itsthrough.“bumper aMAZE,.sticker it’s important that theirwe trust.mini one. NO BALL, rls. n to dive Awards .adding.a.team-building Creative Stuff ____ .” Repeat these to SAY: a mega-sessio .challenge.to.the. Following these tips eat? Sport they’re be * “As we go through BFF, it’s ACTIVITY believe best describes them. own—complex.or.simple. .to),.forming.a.team.poem.as.you.go..Let.girls.know.that. NO TIME? needed into them. Encourage experience..Girls.could. • Beneath the Surface (orthe.ask..asample.girl .sessions.will.be.influenced.by.the.girls’instructionswill ensure. inputthas . pair.up.and.lead. Sampleanother. What “Beneathdo we need to promise the eachSurface” other, so that Questions we can have a really h questionat you’re on st at? another and have important that we trust o (Girls can refer to “Qualities FindMATERIALS.out.if.the.girls.are.interested.in.earningeach.the.other.Interact,.through.Diplomat,.the .and. eated.represent.a.giant.maze.that.you.are. Write eac , One thing they’re afraid the girls to discuss Closing Ceremony: Going.maze .forwhile Goals. SampleGirls.who.like .to“Beneath.make.t the Surface” Questions throughoutready the journey space to be honest and open ne What Do Bullies Look Like? •blindfolded, What’s in Your Maze? • which.their.lives.are.like.a.maze,. mazes.and.the.team.poemhings—crafts,.they.just.cr.food toof guide paper girls and t your own” .or.they.could.travel positive experience relating to others alongs, this.DIY journey?.(“Do.It..YourselfThen,.offer.these.ideas: a scrap of? of you to write the team healthy and fun friendship of Friends” on page 32 of any “make i PeacemakerThen.ask.each.awards.group.during.to.brainstorm.the.journey..through.the.ways(They.the..in.mazecan. .earn.backwards..one,.two,.A.or.all.startersthree.)..for. Sampleand..questionsbasic.are.logistics,.also.on.page.20.ofsuch.the.girls’.as.book..how.Mix.in.somemuch”).projects,.of.the.onestime. . .thedependingforward.girls in ona fun.thewant and . (could be spiders, riding o . Do you want one lthy— • Choices for the Journey .short.discussion. inventions,.videos place all the scraps ining a agreement on a piece of p can figure out what a journey ideas they might about.trust.and. Sample.questions.—willare.also.enjoy.on.page.shari. comfort level of shar “Before you es a relationship unhea •. Paper.and. its.give-and-take.might.in. .say,.or.even.post,.some.thought. all.entering.together. ng.their.talents.with.the. fresh way. n sign the back, and bring SAY: their girl book.) using.real-lifemarkers,.experiences..including.You. relationships.would.be. below,.or.any.of.your.own,.to.give.the.Cadettes.something.newteam..to.think.So.encourage.about. bag. Instead of throwing planes, taking tests). aper, all of you * think about what mak have. 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1. Open your aMAZE! Adult Guide 2. Next, turn to page 12 of this BFF 3. Most activities in BFF link to the to page 30. This is the first of eight booklet. In each session, you’ll be ones in your aMAZE! Adult Guide or sample sessions. prompted to do one or all of the the aMAZE! Girl Book. But when following to add a bully-prevention they don’t, simply follow the prompts focus to the girls’ experience: as instructed. v DO: Follow these instructions for the opening ceremony or activity * SAY: Share the talking points provided ? ASK: Get a discussion going with these questions for girls

» TIMING CONSIDERATION! During your sessions, you might be limited for time, so at the beginning of each session, we created a planner called “What You’ll Do,” indicating which activities are optional. You still might not have time for everything, and that’s okay! Try to engage girls in at least one activity from each session.

BFF Be a Friend First • 5 BFF is designed to work with aMAZE!, the Girl Scout leadership development curriculum for middle school, which has ties to educational standards across the country. For more information, go to http://www.girlscouts.org/program/journeys/curriculum.

Girl Scout Connection Staying Connected! » SHARE SUCCESS! If you and some of the girls are new When they complete BFF with the Girls have opportunities to to Girl Scouting, you’ll want to aMAZE! leadership curriculum, let share their results with other explain what it means for girls in Girl Scouts know there are many ways girls by posting online. middle school and high school to be to continue their experience. They Girl Scouts. Simply stated: might want to: Map It! An interactive map lets girls show how they • They’ve just become part of the • Participate in cookie sales to learn changed the world and earned largest organization for girls in the about how to run a business. Plus, awards. Go to http://forgirls world! they can earn money to use for other .girlscouts.org/map-it- They are part of a leadership adventures in Girl Scouting, maybe girls-changing-the-world. • movement that builds girls’ courage, even a trip! Girl Scouts Speak Out! confidence, and character. • Go to summer camp to learn Girls make public-service They don’t have to be in a troop outdoor skills and make new friends. announcements that • inspire someone to create to be a Girl Scout. There are • Continue to earn awards, such as change. Go to http:// opportunities for them to be involved Forever Green, Bronze, Silver, and speakout.girlscouts.org. in something they care about, just like Gold awards. this BFF experience! Do another leadership Journey: It’s • They have an opportunity to be a Your Planet—Love It!: Breathe and role model for younger girls who will It’s Your Story—Tell It!: MEdia—two look to them for guidance as they more Journey curriculums aimed at » OPENING CEREMONY: follow in their footsteps. middle school girls. (Older teen girls A GIRL SCOUT can look to Senior and Ambassador TRADITION • They are guided by the helpful principles of the Promise and Law (see Journeys developed just for them!) Each BFF session includes an the inside front cover of your aMAZE! Travel the world! To find out more, opening ceremony, which is an important way to develop trust Adult Guide or direct girls to the see destinations on our Girl Scouts and camaraderie with the girls, inside front cover of their girl book). website: http://www.girlscouts.org/ and set the theme and tone for forgirls/travel/destinations. each session. Invite girls to go to the “For Girls” section on www.girlscouts.org to see what other Girl Scouts are up to. Check out council websites and calendars for events. And speak to your designated council contact for more ideas about how to keep teen girls involved in Girl Scouts!

6 • BFF Booklet » HELP GIRLS EARN AWARDS! Girls love earning recognition—like making captain of their soccer team or winning a spelling bee. In the aMAZE! Journey and BFF, Cadettes get to earn three national Girl Scouts leadership awards in the form of badges—an iconic part of Girl Scouting! Take Action for BFF All award steps are built into your aMAZE! Adult Girls Take Action to bring about change in their school, Guide (pages 8–9) and are also highlighted here neighborhood, or larger community using what they with a bully-prevention focus. Let girls know that learned in BFF. Time is built into sessions 5–8 for girls to there will be different opportunities to earn one, team up and develop a meaningful Take Action project two, or all three awards—then let them decide! that creates healthy relationships and peace while INTERACT AWARD developing a solution to bullying that is specific to their community needs. Page 69 of your aMAZE! Adult Guide To earn it, girls must complete three of the nine has some Take Action ideas suited for BFF. Here are more challenges on pages 12–15 of their girl book. Add a bully-prevention focus by telling girls: to help inspire girls: “Interacting is a great way to be a friend first, which Netiquette: Girls collaborate on an online code of ethics is what BFF is about! Try small—and positive—ways of that explains how people should treat one another online. interacting in your daily lives. Talk to someone at school, (Suggest that they present it to their school administrators Girl Scouts, or in your place of worship you don’t usually or create a poster with the 10 ways for positive online talk to. Or ask a new friend to join in on an activity!” usage and get permission to post on campus.)

DIPLOMAT AWARD BFF Art Installation: Girls use washable chalk to write anti-bullying or friendship-boosting slogans on a public In BFF, girls can earn this award after completing sidewalk to promote peace and friendship. a Take Action project to create awareness and help bully prevention. Girls will have the time Global Action Pen Pals: Create a network of global pen and space to work on their Take Action project pals to help spread bully-prevention awareness. Girls can in sessions 5–8. Invite them to look at the seven reach out to other girls around the world. steps toward Taking Action on page 114 of their girl Peacemaker Poetry Jam: Girls write, rehearse, and book. Let girls know that earning a Diplomat Award perform their poems dealing with stereotypes, peer makes them part of the big network of girls changing pressure, or bullying. the world right now—through better relationships! Faculty/Parent Night: Girls share what they’ve learned PEACEMAKER AWARD about bully behavior with adults. They might do it as a Girls collect relationship “tools” (this might be role-play skit. Or perhaps girls can sit on a panel where a poem, a drawing, something symbolizing they discuss and answer questions about bully behavior. peace or friendship) to add to a container BFF Story Club: Girls select and discuss a movie or book or “Peacemaker Kit” they create. They earn that shows girls’ relationships and bully behavior. the Peacemaker Award at the end of BFF by reviewing the tools they collected, and making a BFF Media List: Girls compile a “Be a Friend First” commitment to use them throughout their lives. media list: books, movies, TV shows, video games, music, and websites where girls’ friendships are depicted as healthy relationships.

BFF Be a Friend First • 7 TIPS ABOUT BULLYING

Background information to help you feel more comfortable dealing with bullying and related topics with the girls. Refer to this throughout your sessions whenever questions are asked or issues arise.

What Is Bullying? Bully Behavior: Use This Term Help for Bully Victims Bullying can be: Whenever possible, use terms that If a girl lets you know she’s Physical (kicking, hitting, describe the “bully behavior” experiencing emotional or physical spitting, taking and/or damaging rather than the “bully,” so the violence, you will need to report it to property or belongings) emphasis is on a girl’s actions—not a school or organization official and her whole person. the contact person from your local Verbal (threats, teasing, taunting, Girl Scout Council. Even if something name-calling, offensive or For example, you might say: “Have was shared in confidence, you are derogatory remarks) you ever engaged in any type of bully behavior?” Instead of saying: “Have responsible for passing on Indirect (gossip, spreading you ever been a bully?” information if a girl’s safety is in negative rumors or stories about question. School or organization Or you might say: “It seems that she someone, lying, excluding people officials along with your council might have taken the teasing a little from social groups) contact will address the issue too far.” Instead of saying: “It seems Virtual (cyberbullying is the according to their safety protocols. like she is a bully.” term given to sending negative or threatening messages, texts, or Why People Bully pictures via email, instant Girls might ask: “Why do people bully?” messages, cell phones, chat * SAY: “People who engage in bully rooms, or websites) ONLINE RESOURCES behavior frequently get pleasure—an » How Girls Bully emotional payoff—from the target’s We offer additional relationship and bully-prevention activities Girls are more likely to use response. So kids who get upset for girls online. They can go to “relational aggression”— become targets; those who shrug off bully behavior are left alone.” Forgirls.girlscouts.org/BFF emotionally hurtful behavior for games, quizzes, stories from that includes gossip, exclusion, Girls might ask: “How do I defend girls, and more! and teasing. “Cyberbullying”— myself against a bully?” There are other great resources spreading malicious rumors * SAY: “Your first instinct is to for adults and girls, such as or private photos via texts defend yourself—after all, you’re http://www.stopbullying.gov, and tweets, or on social media being attacked in some way. But a federal website managed by the sites—is another form of research shows that one effective U.S. Department of Health and relational aggression. defense, in the moment when Human Services. bullying is happening, is to show that insults don’t affect you.”

8 • BFF Booklet HOW TO GUIDE GIRLS

Ways to create a safe environment where girls are confident to share openly, explore their feelings, and practice new skills.

Team Spirit Okay to “Pass” Friendship Talk Encourage girls to create an When sharing ideas and feelings, let Girls might not know exactly atmosphere of respect and girls know that it’s okay to “pass” or what it means to be a good friend, collaboration during the opening just offer a brief thought or two. And but through BFF, you can help lead sessions. In Session 1, they will draw let girls know that it’s fine to share them to characteristics to look for up a Team Agreement. Take time at general ideas without getting personal in healthy relationships. (Point to the end of sessions for girls to check or into specifics. Girls will be likelier the list of “Qualities of Friends,” on in on how they’re functioning as a to share when they’re in an page 32 of their aMAZE! girl book.) team, and to revisit the Team environment where honest, open, Create an environment where girls Agreement to adapt, if needed. For and kind dialogue and confidentiality can open up about what they need more, see “Cooperative Learning” on is respected. from their friends, what they bring page 17 of your aMAZE! Adult Guide. to their friendships, and how to Safe to Share make and keep true friends. Keep It “Girl Led” Talk of boys or jealousy may get Let girls play an active part in figuring uncomfortable for the girls, but it Engaging Eighth-Grade Girls out the what, where, when, how, and gives you the chance to explain that If you’re guiding a mixed-age why of their activities and Take Action these issues arise all the time, and group, our research shows that projects. Trust that they know best that the best way to work through eighth-grade girls have different where their schools and communities them is openly and with people interests, needs, and abilities than can use help with bully prevention. you trust. Remind girls that when sixth- or seventh-graders. For Coach the girls to lead the planning, such topics arise in BFF, they stay eighth-graders, you might: decision-making, learning, and fun as here, too! Let them lead an activity or much as possible. For more, see Sensitive Topics discussion. “Girl Led” on page 16 of your aMAZE! Encourage them to share how Adult Guide. When an issue is raised that you feel you need help with, go to your they felt (and dealt) with bullying designated council and school or when they were new to middle organization contacts for support. It’s school and what they learned. okay to tell girls, “I’m not sure how to Invite them to serve as team answer that.” Let them know you’ll captains when developing Take follow up with them about it later. Action projects.

BFF Be a Friend First • 9 About BFF:

You May Be Wondering…

Can I use the BFF (Be a Friend What are my main goals for BFF? Help girls focus on what is feasible and attainable, while being their First) booklet on its own? To help girls develop skills for healthy biggest cheerleader! No, this booklet is designed to work relationships and prevent bullying in alongside the aMAZE! Adult Guide. their own relationships, which they Guide girls to feel confident, While aMAZE! gives girls valuable can use immediately and throughout accomplished, and know that they skills and tools for navigating their lives. have made a difference! relationships, BFF takes girls a step To guide girls to Take Action (and What if a Take Action deeper. How? By focusing on the earn their Diplomat Award!) to create project costs money? confidence and skills they need to change in their school, neighborhood, The Girl Scout Cookie Program is prevent all-too-prevalent bully or larger community using what great way for girls to learn to run a behavior. In BFF, we add a bully- they’ve learned. (Time is built into business and fund their Girl Scout prevention focus through additional sessions 5–8 for girls to team up and goals and plans! Talk to your activities, bully information, and tips. develop a meaningful Take Action designated Girl Scout contact about project that creates healthy Do girls get BFF booklets too? the timing of the Cookie Program in relationships and peace while BFF booklets are designed for your community. Booth sales can developing a solution to bullying that volunteers and facilitators, but each offer girls a venue to tell others what is specific to their community needs.) girl should have her own aMAZE! girl they’re learning about and what book. You will refer to their girl book How do I help girls Take they’re doing to better their schools for certain activities throughout BFF. Action for BFF? and communities in the process. The aMAZE! girl book is interactive Coach girls to create meaningful Also encourage girls to think of Take with quizzes, ways to reflect, and action to impact a change—within the Action projects that don’t cost money. journal space. Inspire girls to leave the time they have. Meaningful does not For example, suggest that girls use BFF sessions and dig into their mean long and complex, but their school auditorium to hold a aMAZE! books in their free time! encourage girls to look at solutions poetry jam that will educate and inspire others in a fun, creative way. How can girls earn awards in BFF? for bully-prevention issues they care about. Follow the steps outlined in your What if we don’t have time to aMAZE! Adult Guide (pages 8–9). Look on page 20 of this BFF booklet do all eight sessions of BFF? and page 69 of your aMAZE! Adult Then refer to page 7 of this BFF Depending on the girls’ schedules and Guide for some Take Action ideas booklet under “Help Girls Earn how frequently you meet, BFF can suited for BFF. Awards!” to see how to add a bully- easily be adapted to four or six prevention focus to their leadership Do not plan the project for girls. sessions if they are condensed. awards. (Let girls know that there is Instead, use these ideas to help ask How? Consider doing at least one an award description on page 9 of thoughtful questions, provide activity from each session in the BFF their girl book.) inspiration, and keep the girls booklet to maintain the progression. on track. Each session opens with a planner Remind girls that their Take Action of activities, showing which ones project will help them earn a are optional. Diplomat Award.

10 • BFF Booklet a bully-pr Add evention f ocus to each session.

BFF Be a Friend First • 11 Choices for the Journey Sample Ceremonies • Create a “conversation starters” jar.in.which.girls.place.slips.of.paper.on.. Invite.the.girls.to.form.one.big.circle..Mention.that.circles.are.an.important. SESSION 1 . which.they’ve.written.words.or.phrases.that.capture.various.relationship.topics.. SESSION 1 SAMPLE LET GIRLS DO N O SAMPLE way.to.relate;.everyone.can.see.one.another,.so.everyone.is.equal.and.can.focus. . (such.as.cliques,.peer.pressure,.being.yourself).and.the.leadership.qualities.. THE ADDING ON CEREMONIES? their.energy.together.as.a.team..Then,.suggest.that.the.team.now.create.a.plan. . or.skills.that.go.along.with.them..Each.week,.one.girl.chooses.a.slip.of.paper.. If it’s possible for the NO WORRIES . and.then.starts.a.short.group.talk.about.what’s.written.on.it. girls to have trips, for.how.this.journey.through.aMAZE.will.unfold..If.there.are.any.time.limits.to. If ceremonies don’t retreats, guest speakers, interest the girls, work.around,.mention.them.up.front,.so.girls.know.the.parameters.within.which. • The girls take turns selecting songs that.reflect.relationship.issues.they.are.. First Impressionsor other add-ons during in the Mazedon’t be concerned. or after their journey, . experiencing.or.might.encounter.along.the.maze.of.life..At.the.start.of.each.. Session 1: they.can.get.creative..And.if.the.team.has.plenty.of.time,.encourage.the.girls.to. Upcoming sessions offer invite them to brainstorm . session,.ask.a.girl.to.volunteer.to.play.her.song.for.the.group.(even.if.just.from.. suggestions for simple FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE the possibilities, and stretch.out.the.trip. . a.cell.phone),.and.then.take.a.few.minutes.to.relate.the.song.to.aMAZE. ceremonies (no planning to take lead roles in needed) that the planning them. For Perhaps.a.few.of.the.girls.would.like.to.capture.what.the.group.discusses.(just. • Each girl brings pictures from magazines.that.reflect.a.direction.or.an. Cadettes can perform example, perhaps girls spontaneously, should want to cover the the.big.points).on.a.large.sheet.of.paper.that.the.team.can.refer.back.to.along. . interest.she.hopes.to.follow.in.life’s.maze..Create.a.team.poster.from.those.. they decide they want session on cliques during . pictures..For.an.opening.ceremony,.encourage.girls.to.talk.about.what.their.. an opening of some kind. the.journey. an overnight gathering . pictures.mean.to.them.and.the.leadership.skills.needed.to.navigate.life’s.. or perhaps they want . maze.successfully.in.that.way..If.space.allows,.leave.the.team.poster.hanging.. to plan a closing party. Introduce.each.area.of.choice-making,.and.invite.girls.to.participate.in.creating.a. Maybe they want to . throughout.each.session. flip through their books great.experience..Here.are.some.of.the.choices.to.discuss.and.some.ideas.about. and select the activities how.to.approach.them: and topics that interest Team Agreement them the most, and plan a mega-session to dive Awards Close.the.discussion.by.inviting.girls.to.make.a.team.agreement... into them. Encourage Say.something.like:.As we travel through aMAZE, it’s important that we trust one the girls to discuss Find.out.if.the.girls.are.interested.in.earning.the.Interact,.Diplomat,.and. any “make it your own” another. What do we need to promise each other, so that we can have a really journey ideas they might Peacemaker.awards.during.the.journey..(They.can.earn.one,.two,.or.all.three.). positive experience relating to others along this journey?.Then,.offer.these.ideas: have. Review.the.steps.to.the.awards.as.given.on.page.9.of.the.girls’.book. • We will watch our body language when we talk and listen (no eye rolling!) •.Mention.that.the.Take.Action.Project.can.be.a.team.effort.in.which.girls.will.. . use.their.leadership.skills.to.contribute.to.building.positive.relationships.in.a.. • If we have a conflict with someone in the group, we can . . . . community.of.their.choice.. • If we have a different opinion, we can . . . •.If.girls.are.not.interested.in.the.Diplomat.Award,.which.involves.doing.a.Take.. . Action.Project,.what.would.they.like.to.do.instead.during.Sessions.5-7?.Are.. • Gossip would be hurtful because . . . . there.any.topics.in.their.book.that.they.want.to.talk.more.about.during.this.. . time?.Do.the.girls.want.to.plan.these.sessions.themselves? Perhaps.one.of.the.girls.can.capture.the.team.agreement.on.paper.so.it.can.be. brought.to.all.meetings.and.the.girls.can.check.in.on.how.they.are.doing. Using Ceremonies to Connect at Each Meeting

Explain.that.ceremonies,.even.short.ones,.can.be.a.great.way.to.take.a.little. OPENING CEREMONY TEAM AGREEMENT Pagetime.out.together.to. mark.35each.Cadette.gathering .as.special.and.separate.from. the.rest.of.the.day..Ceremonies.can.be.a.fun.way.for.girls.to.connect.and.relate. to.each.other..Ask.the.girls.if.they.have.any.ideas.for.ceremonies,.such.as. lighting.candles.or.listening.to.music—or.offer.up.some.of.the.suggestions.on. the.next.page..Then.ask.the.girls.if.they.want.to.have.ceremonies.to.open.and/or. close.their.time.together..Find.out.which.girls.might.like.to.plan.and.lead.some. v DO: It’s your first session, so ceremonies—perhaps.even.circulate.a.sign-up.list.. 34 35 everyone’s bound to feel a little SAY: “Great! Now that we all know each other a bit better, let’s nervous, and that’s normal. * talk about what we’re here for. BFF stands for ‘Be a Friend This activity will help break First’—a name middle school girls like you came up with! In the ice, let girls hear their own BFF, we’ll be talking, sharing, playing games, and doing things voices, and get comfortable that will lead you all to healthier friendships! And in the sharing. process, you’ll learn how to have the confidence to stand up to ? ASK: Girls to share something bullies and understand what bully behavior is all about. You’ll funny or interesting about also come up with a project to share what you’ve learned to help themselves that others in the others. Ready to get started?” group wouldn’t know, like: Pet’s SAY: “As we go through BFF, it’s important that we trust one name? Vegetable they refuse to * another and have space to be honest and open. Do you want one eat? Sport they’re best at? of you to write the team agreement on a piece of paper, all of you One thing they’re afraid of? sign the back, and bring it to each meeting as a reminder?” (could be spiders, riding on planes, taking tests). Where ? ASK: What do we need to promise each other, so that we can their name came from? have a really positive experience relating to others through this experience? Are there some ground rules we want to set up? v DO: Invite girls to brainstorm a team agreement. Offer the following if they haven’t already come up with their own: We will watch our body language when we talk and listen (no eye rolling). If we have a conflict with someone in the group, we can… If we have a different opinion, we can… Gossip would be hurtful because…

12 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Team Agreement WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 1: Beneath the Surface � Activity 2: What Do Bullies Look Like? � Walk In My Shoes (optional)

Beneath the Surface Closing Ceremony: Going for Goals This.team.activity,.featured.on.page.20.of.the.girls’.book,.lets.the.Cadettes. Ask.the.girls.to.form.small.teams.of.three.to.four.so.they.will.be.able.to.talk. SESSION 1 LARGE GROUP? SESSION 1 SAMPLE discover.their.similarities.and.reveal.their.differences..It.also.gets.them.thinking. easily.with.one.another.and.gain.support.for.the.personal.goals.they.are.going.to. SAMPLE If your Cadette group has more than 10-12 about.how.first.impressions.and.assumptions.might.hinder.their.relationships. identify..(There.tends.to.be.greater.personal.commitment.when.sharing.a.goal.in. girls, perhaps divide them into smaller a.small.group,.as.opposed.to.a.large.one.). Have.girls.stand.in.a.circle..Explain:. groups—each with its own ball. That way, Give.a.piece.of.paper.to.each.girl.and.explain.the.activity.by.saying.something. every girl can have a • When the ball is passed to you, remove one piece of tape and answer the chance to answer a question underneath. like: FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE question. • After answering, toss the ball to a girl who has not yet had a turn. • Today we’ve been exploring how, when solving a maze, you rely on certain strategies or techniques. The same is true when you’re striving toward a goal Then.give.the.ball.to.one.of.the.girls.to.start.the.process..After.each.girl.has.had. in life. Your goal is much like the end point you’re trying to reach when you a.chance.to.catch.the.ball.and.respond.to.a.question,.start.a.conversation.about. navigate a maze.

first.impressions..Guide.a.meaningful.discussion.by.perhaps.asking.some.of. Then: these.questions:. •..Ask.the.girls.to.brainstorm.the.relationship.issues.that.most.affect.them,. • Have you ever thought you knew something about someone else but found out whether.it’s.standing.up.to.a.bully,.getting.out.of.a.negative.clique,.improving.a. you were wrong? Explain. friendship,.making.more.friends,.or.something.else.entirely.

• How do first impressions impact teams? •..Each.girl.then.chooses.which.issue.(or.two).she.wants.to.solve.for.herself,. and.writes.it.(or.them).on.her.sheet.of.paper..She.then.puts.the.paper.in.an. • What happens when we act as if everyone is exactly the way we first perceived envelope.that.she.addresses.to.herself. them? Talk about how this can include or exclude others. •.Collect.the.sealed.envelopes.and.let.girls.know.you’ll.return.them.at.the.. • When you walk into a room and realize you don’t know anyone else there, what . end.of.the.journey,.so.they.can.reflect.on.how.they.progressed.toward.their.. ACTIVITY do you usually do to feel comfortable with others? . goal..Let.them.know.the.reflection.will.be.just.for.them—unless.they.choose.. • What do you base your first impression on? . to.share.

• How accurate do you think your first impressions are when meeting people for the first time?

• When have you had a completely wrong first impression of someone, and what changed your mind? FOR THE NEXT SESSION

• Can you think of situations when people had a wrong first impression of you? Ask girls to bring to the next session a small, empty box or other container and some odds and ends for decorating it (wrapping What did you do to give an accurate impression of yourself? paper, ribbon, beads, glue). Encourage them to bring items to Beneath the Surface • What could you do so that first impressions allow you to see people for who share, too. If everyone brings a little something different, the HAVE MORE TIME? decorating will be that much more interesting. » they really are, rather than who you think they are? Ask if any girls want to volunteer to:

• Plan a simple opening ceremony.

• Lead a brainstorm about friendship qualities (pages 31–32 in the girls’ book) • Host an “Ask the Expert Talk Show” (page 45 in this guide) Walk In My Shoes DO: The activity on page 36. v 36 37 SAY: “Never judge someone else ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! * until you’ve walked a mile in ? ASK: What does it mean to: Be a friend first? their shoes. Let’s figure out what Go beneath the surface? that old proverb means!” Not be judgmental? v DO: Invite girls to trace their shoes on a piece of drawing paper.

• Ask each to define themselves ACTIVITY on the paper by using the What Do Bullies Look Like? qualities of friendship they believe best describes them. * SAY: “Before you can figure out what a healthy and fun friendship (Girls can refer to “Qualities is, you have to think about what makes a relationship unhealthy— of Friends” on page 32 of even hurtful. When we think of the opposite of a good friend, we their girl book.) might think of a ‘bully.’ ” • After, ask girls to pair up, v DO: Ask girls to close their eyes to picture what a bully preferably with someone looks like. You might say, “Imagine a bully from movies or TV shows they don’t know well, and you’ve watched.” invite them to share their Have girls take out blank paper and pencils and draw a bully! The characteristics by switching goal is to have girls draw what they see when they picture a bully papers and standing in the in their minds. Let them know that artistic talent isn’t necessary other girl’s shoe drawing. and that there is no “right” way to draw a bully. Make sure they ? ASK: What did you learn about know their drawings are strictly confidential and encourage them your partner that you didn’t to be as clear and honest as possible. know before?

? ASK: What do you think a bully looks like? What do you share in common?

What characteristics do you think he/she might have? What do you think it means to How do you know? walk a mile in someone else’s How old is your bully? shoes? Is your bully smart? Popular? How do you think it helps to see things from another Once girls have finished their drawings, collect and save them to person’s perspective? redistribute in Session 8 to see whether their ideas about bullying or bullies have changed or stayed the same.

BFF Be a Friend First • 13 Session 2: Navigating Friendships

OPENING CEREMONY ACTIVITY * SAY: “Quality friendship doesn’t Create a Peacemaker Kit mean having a ton of friends on SAY: “Today we’re going to decorate our Peacemaker Kit Facebook. It takes skills to be a * containers. In each session, you’ll put something in it. It might good friend and inspire trust and be a piece of paper with a quote or poem, a drawing, an image loyalty in another person.” from a magazine, a paper flower—anything that reminds you of v DO: Invite girls to think about the friendship skills you’re learning.” a good friend they have and identify the steps that friend ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! took to form their friendship. ? ASK: Do you want a symbol of your commitment to For example, did she: BFF and peace? Make the first move by finding Something you might hang on a wall somewhere in school? out your name? v DO: Invite girls to come up with their own ideas or offer the Say a friendly “hi” whenever you following, if they are stuck: ran into each other? Sew anti-bullying messages on fabric squares, then sew them Find a subject you were both into a quilt to add to their Peacemaker Kits. interested in to talk about? Create a collage using messages on recycled paper bags. Genuinely listen to what you Ask school officials if they can create a mural around the had to say? symbol to hang prominently at the school. Act like herself and not act “fake”? ? ASK: Do you have friends in your life who like to do what you like to do? Remind girls that they can earn the Do you have friends who share your values? Peacemaker Award at the end of Are your friends trustworthy? Would you BFF by reviewing the items they confide in them? collected, and making a commitment to using them throughout their lives. If What are two things you think make a you haven’t explained all three leadership friendship last? (Sample answers could be: awards to them yet, now would be a good time. trust, being available for your friend.) Look on page 7 of this booklet for details.

14 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Create a Peacemaker Kit SESSION 2

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. SAMPLE Some people stay a while, leave footprints SAMPLE SESSION 2 WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 2: Stereotypesin our and hearts, and weYou are never, ever the same.” Navigating Friendships —Flavia Weedn NAVIGATING FRIENDSHIPS © Flavia’s Legacy, LLC, used with special permission from The Flavia Company, Inc./Flavia’s Legacy, LLC. AT A GLANCE

Goal:.Girls.understand.how.stereotypes.impact. � My Kind of Friend (optional) relationships.and.identify.the.personal.qualities.they. seek.in,.and.bring.to,.healthy.friendships.

• Opening Ceremony • Stereotypes and You • Peacemaker Kits • Circle of Friends • How Do You Know? • Talk Show: Ask the Expert • For Peacemaker Kits For this session, look at “Materials” MATERIALS •. .An.assortment.of.small.empty.containers. •. .Odds.and.ends.for.decorating.the. (tins.from.mints,.jewelry-size.boxes,.even. containers.(beads,.buttons,.stickers,. small.take-out.food.containers).for.those. wrapping.paper).and.glue girls.who.might.not.bring.their.own •. Paper.(two.sheets.for.each.girl).and.pens

on page 39 for what you need to ADVANCE PREP Peacemaker Kits

At.the.start.of.this.session,.girls.will.create.their.Peacemaker.Kits,.which.they.will. use.to.collect.tips.and.tools.they.can.use.to.create.peace—one.interaction.at.a. time—in.their.lives.and.in.the.world.around.them..The.kits.also.serve.as.a.special. bring for the Peacemaker Kit. memory.of.the.journey..Think.of.them.as.scrapbooks.in.which.each.girl.saves.the. ideas.she.finds.most.meaningful.as.she.winds.her.way.through.the.passageways.. of.aMAZE.. Advance Prep by Cadettes

If.you.have.girl.volunteers.for.this.session,.they.might.want.to:.

•.Lead.the.Circle.of.Friends.activity.and.discussion.(page.44)..

•.Prepare.and.play.a.role.in.“Ask.the.Expert”.(page.45) 39

ACTIVITY » HAVE MORE TIME? My Kind of Friend Stereotypes and You

How Do You Know? Stereotypes and You This.exercise.continues.the.topic.begun.at.the.first.session.(with.the.“What. Invite.the.girls.to.do.the.“Break.Down.Those.Stereotypes!”.activity.on.page.23.of. SESSION 2 SESSION 2 SAMPLE Lies.Beneath”.exercise),.going.deeper.by.asking.girls.to.explore.how.stereotypes. their.books,.on.their.own.or.in.pairs..This.engages.girls.directly.in.thinking.about. SAMPLE SAY: “We all know what we look negatively.influence.first.impressions.and.relationships. stereotypes.that.are.hurtful.to.them. * Begin.with.a.short.discussion.about.what.a.stereotype.is..You.could,.for.example,. Then.ask.the.girls.to.move.around.(as.pairs.or.individuals).and.trade.their.stories. ask.a.few.questions.like: of.how.a.stereotype.had.impacted.them..(If.the.group.is.small,.you.could.do.this. as.one.team.discussion.) NAVIGATING FRIENDSHIPS SAY: “Today we’re looking • Whatat does it mean to “stereotype”how other people? NAVIGATING FRIENDSHIPS * • How do stereotypes influence who we choose to interact with and how we After.the.girls.have.had.a.chance.to.share.their.perspectives.on.stereotypes,.start. for in a friend, but sometimes interact with them? a.team.discussion.about.any.insights.they.have.gained..Conversation.prompts. could.include: Depending.on.the.girls’.responses,.you.can.offer.a.few.basic.points.about. stereotyping.(based.on.what.they.have.on.page.22.of.their.book).to.make.sure.. • How does it feel to hear about how stereotypes have hurt you? stereotypes can negativelyall .girlsinfluence.are.thinking.and.talking.from.a.similar.starting.point. • How do these stereotypes get carried forward and passed on? Continue.the.discussion.by.inviting.girls.to.identify.examples.of.stereotypes.that. • What are some examples of things you might change and ask other people what we think we want and what are.used.in.portraying.a.character.on.a.TV.show.they.enjoy..(Or.they.might.think. to change to stop some of the stereotyping you have heard about from each other? of.a.movie.or.cartoon.or.even.a.music.video.). • Have you ever closed the door on a friendship because of stereotypes? Ask.girls.to.talk.about.who.is.hurt.by.the.stereotype..Do.they.think.it.is.wrong.for. What could you do instead, next time? the.show.to.use.it?.

first impressions, which isWrap.up.this .part.ofan.the.discussion .by.reminding.girls.that.their.conversation. we actually seek out are two very relates.to.one.of.the.Interact.Challenges.they.can.choose.to.earn.the.Interact. Award.(see.page.12–15.of.the.girls’.book)..Are.they.interested.in.taking.this. challenge?.Do.any.of.the.examples.from.their.conversation.trouble.them.enough. to.boycott.the.show.for.a.week.or.two—or.forever?.Would.they.mention.it.to.other. important part of makingfriends, friends.”.too?. different things.” dresses So friendly funny big smile ears stick out waaay popular talks too much DO: SUPER Too much eyeliner The activity on page 43 JOCK DO: Have girls complete the v loud and pushy v

of your Adult Guide.42 43 “My Kind of Friend…What Really Matters” checklist on ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! page 31 of their girl book. Then, ? ASK: Was there a time you were especially proud to be identified add a bully-prevention focus with one of the characteristics you listed? by listing the checklist’s qualities on a white board. Ask girls to Was there a time when you were embarrassed, afraid, or felt place their ranking next to hurt to be identified with one of the characteristics, impressions, each. When they’re done, add or stereotypes others had of you? up the rankings to see how the What examples of stereotypes do you see on television and in the group measured each quality. media? What effects do these stereotypes have on girls your age? ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS!

ASK: What was the quality END THE SESSION BY SAYING: ? most important to the group? “By the end of BFF, you can earn an Interact Award by The least? doing three of the nine challenges on pages 12–15 of your girl book. These challenges include reaching out Did any of the group’s rankings to an old friend, or to someone (at school or place of surprise you? worship) you don’t usually talk with much—which is what How different were the group BFF is all about! Does anyone want to do an Interact Challenge results from your individual between now and the next time we gather and report back? checklist? This skill is something you can add to your Peacemaker Kits!” How do you think a bully would rank these things?

What do you think a bully looks for when making friends?

BFF Be a Friend First • 15 Cliques and Conflicts Session 3:

Where Do You Stand? Scenarios This.activity.gives.girls.a.chance.to.take.a.stance.on.peer.pressure,.clarifying.their.own. There.are.more.scenarios.here.than.you’ll.need..Use.those.most.appropriate.for. SESSION 3 SESSION 3

SAMPLE values.in.the.process..Start.by.inviting.girls.to.think.about.times.when.they.have.been. your.group.of.Cadettes..If.other.issues.have.come.up.among.the.girls,.add.them.. SAMPLE pressured.or.perhaps.pressured.others.to.do.things.that.go.against.their.values..You.can. Or,.pause.for.a.few.minutes.and.invite.the.girls.to.offer.up.some.of.their.own— use.some.of.these.points.to.begin: after.doing.some.of.these:

• We all have experiences that test our values. Do we ever trade in what we believe

just so we can belong? How do we feel after doing that? It’s good to tell a.friend.she.should.study.harder.and.try.to.get.better.grades. CLIQUES AND CONFLICTS CLIQUES AND CONFLICTS CLIQUES AND • We also have times that we pressure others. Why? Can that sometimes be “for their If your friend really.wants.you.to.attend.her.piano.recital.because.she.needs.a own good?” (Pressure can sometimes be for good. Can you give examples?) confidence.boost,.you.should.go—even.though.it.sounds.like.a.lot.of.clanging.to.you.

• Sometimes the pressure to do something you don’t want to do can be silent. Can you It’s OK to.attend.a.party.at.your.best.friend’s.house.even.if.her.parents.aren’t.there.the. entire.night. think of examples of silent pressure? Smoking with.some.friends.isn’t.a.problem,.since.it’s.not.something.you.do.all.the.time. ACTIVITY • Have you ever accomplished something you didn’t think you’d be able to do, but were OPENING CEREMONY I’d cancel plans.with.my.friend.if.my.crush.asked.me.out.at.the.last.minute. able to because of someone else’s influence? If you’re jealous of.someone,.it’s.OK.to.be.mean.to.her,.as.long.as.you.aren’t. Transition.from.the.discussion.by.saying.something.like:. physically.violent. If a friend is.really.hurting.herself.through.behavior.that.you.find.scary,.you.should.keep. We are going to do an activity to push one another to explore what it feels like to stand it.a.secret,.no.matter.what.

up for our values. We really have to trust one another and uphold our team agreement You can watch a.movie.at.a.friend’s.house.(or.elsewhere).that.your.parents.would.never.let. for this to be meaningful. Ready? you.watch.at.home. It’s OK to tell your.parents.the.party.is.“girls-only,”.even.though.there.will.be.boys.and.you. Then,.with.masking.tape,.mark.a.line.down.the.center.of.the.room..On.one.end,.put.a.piece.of. hope.to.meet.up.with.a.special.one.there. SAY: “Does anyone know what Where Do You Stand? paper.on.the.floor.with.the.number.10..On.the.other.end,.put.a.1..In.the.middle,.mark.a.5. Sometimes you have to.skip.the.fun.to.get.some.homework.done. You can say crazy,.risky,.untrue.things.about.yourself.online..It.doesn’t.really.matter. * Tell.the.girls.that.you.(or.girl.volunteers).are.going.to.read.aloud.a.scenario.and.if.. Sometimes you just have to stop.hanging.out.with.some.girls.because.others.don’t.think. they.think.it’s.OK,.they.go.to.number.10..If.they.feel.it’s.not.OK,.they.go.to.number.1... they’re.cool. If.they’re.“on.the.fence,”.they.go.to.number.5. It’s cool.to.disrespect.your.parents.in.front.of.friends..

After.each.scenario.is.read.and.each.girl.takes.her.stance.on.the.line,.invite.each.to.talk. It’s good for.your.image.to.drink.some.alcohol.at.parties.even.though.you.don’t.want.to. it’s called when a group of about.why.she.stood.where.she.did..Do.any.girls.want.to.try.to.persuade.others.to.stand. You need to try.out.for.a.team.sport.or.cheerleading,.because.everyone.does. somewhere.else?.Why.or.why.not?.When.the.girls.have.exhausted.what.they.have.to.say,. It’s important to.act.like.you.have.more.money.than.you.really.have.

read.another.scenario..Some.scenarios.may.invite.more.conversation.than.others,.and. Sometimes it’s OK to.make.critical.comments.or.put.others.down.in.the.presence. v DO: The activity on pages 52–53. you.may.work.through.a.handful.fairly.quickly.as.girls.become.more.engaged. of.certain.friends. You.might.prompt.the.girls’.conversation.by.asking: As.the.activity.ends,.invite.girls.to.discuss.what.they.just.experienced,.with. What are you really saying if you go to the middle, on number 5? Are you worried about people excludes others? It’s called questions.such.as:. taking a stand? What are your worries? Trying to please everyone? What would help you • Which scenarios really made an impression on you? Explain. make a decision? • How does this activity help you think about the effects of peer pressure and This activity gives girls a chance If you are standing near “1,” do you think there are things people could say or do that how you use your values to make decisions? would make you inch your way down the line? What? How would you answer? • How do you want others to view your response to peer pressure? a clique.” If you are standing near “10,” do you think there are times someone could persuade you • Does standing up for a value make you feel like a leader? Why or why not? down the line? How? to take a stance on peer pressure, 52 53 ? ASK: When is the last time clarifying their own values in the process. Remind girls that someone new came into your peer pressure is a form of bullying or relational aggression. circle of friends? ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! Have you ever been part of a group that wants you to hang ? ASK: Which scenarios really made an impression on you? out with only them? How does this activity help you think about bully behavior? Do you ever feel the need to do When thinking about whether something was or wasn’t okay for something you don’t feel right you, did you realize that you had behaved this way in the past? about in order to remain in Does understanding bully behavior help you become a your group? better witness and protector? What’s the opposite of a clique? What is your definition of a clique?

Has it changed from the beginning TEAM AGREEMENT CHECK-IN of this discussion? Check in to see that girls are feeling good about how the group is working together. Are the girls comfortable talking and sharing with one another? Do they want to change or add to their Team Agreement?

* SAY:“Let’s revisit what our team agreement says: Conversations are confidential. It stays among us. We won’t allow blaming. We care about one another.” ? ASK: Is there anything you want to change or add?

16 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Where Do You Stand? WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 2: “I-Statements”: The Key to Resolving Conflicts � Team Agreement Check-In (optional) � Price of Belonging (optional)

ACTIVITY » HAVE MORE TIME? "I-Statements": The Key to Resolving Conflicts Price of Belonging

* SAY: “Conflicts are potential relationship obstacle. I-statements * SAY: “Everyone wants that can be helpful when it comes to resolving conflicts, especially powerful feeling of belonging. when you are faced with bully behavior.” Being connected to others confirms that we matter. And v DO: Share this general formula with girls about how to make that’s a human need! Sometimes an “I-Statement”: When you (describe a specific action that we want that belonging so hurts you) I feel (say your feeling) because (why the action badly that we think it won’t connects to your feeling). matter if we trade our values for popularity. For example: lying Then have girls do the scenario role-play activity on pages to your parents about where you 66–67 of their girl book. went after school or posting an ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! unattractive picture of the new girl online becomes someone dared v DO: Have girls use an I-Statement to respond to these scenarios: you to. But small trade-offs add When you’re alone together your friend is nice, but when you’re up, chipping away at our sense of with a group, she becomes bossy and dismissive of you. who you are and what is right. When those things become blurry, One of your soccer teammates always teases you in front of the you may find yourself caving in to team and says you’re weak for not being able to take a joke. peer pressure more and more.” A classmate passed a rumor that you cheated on a test. ? ASK: Can you share about a time A group of your friends refuses to invite your cousin to a party you wanted to belong to a group?

because she’s not popular. Have you ever traded off any values to belong to a group? If so, which ones?

What do you think contributes to giving in to pressure to belong? (Answer: lack of self-confidence)

What does being self-confident mean to you?

What common values do we share as a BFF group?

BFF Be a Friend First • 17 Session 4: Caution: Bullies Straight Ahead

ACTIVITY

OPENING CEREMONY Flip the Script v DO: Write on a white board: Bullying Can Be . * SAY: “There are many ways you might respond to a bully. For instance, you might try to reason Have girls think about all the ways bullying can with her, act like to doesn’t affect you, cry, or happen. It might be physical, verbal, or online. yell back. Let’s find out how people respond to Ask them to imagine situations and places where bullies and what might be most effective.” bully behavior happens. Invite girls to write down answers on the ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS!

Offer.up.these.examples: Flip the Script Invite.girls.to.break.into.teams.of.three.and.assign.each.team.one.of.the.bullying. SESSION 4 SESSION 4 SAMPLE SAMPLE Responding.defensively.against.a.bully: scenarios.on.pages.85–87.of.their.book.... Nicole: I heard you have a crush on the boys’ gym teacher, Mr. Davis, and that you bring him lunch everyday. Share.with.the.girls.this.powerful.statistic.from.the.Anti-Bullying.Alliance:. “Witnesses.play.a.very.important.role.in.bullying.situations..Bullying.will.stop. Sophie: That’s not true! in.less.than.10.seconds.nearly.60.percent.of.the.time.when.peers.intervene!”. white board. Nicole: That’s what everyone is saying though. Witnesses.(those.who.observe.or.are.present.during.bullying).are.in.a.very. CAUTION: BULLIES STRAIGHT AHEAD CAUTION: BULLIES STRAIGHT AHEAD Sophie: They’re all big liars! Tell me who started it! important.position.because.they.can.positively.or.negatively.affect.the.situation.. The.person.who.gets.bullied.is.referred.to.as.“target”.and.not.as.“victim,”. DO: Nicole: I don’t know who started it. But everyone knows it’s true. Activity on pages 62–63: because.“victim”.is.disempowering..Also,.“target”.depersonalizes.the.bullying. v Sophie: It is not true! And you better stop saying it! Explain.the.activity: Notice.how.this.conversation.can.go.on.and.on.with.Sophie.protesting.against. BULLYING: SEE •.Decide.who.will.be.the.bully,.witness,.and.target. IT ON FILM the.rumor..Nicole.can.continue.to.needle.Sophie,.and.so,.holds.the.power. The Girl Scout •.Use.the.ideas.we.have.been.discussing.related.to.witnesses.and.taking... documentary “Sister to Response.to.disarm.a.bully: . back.the.power.to.“flip.the.script”.so.that.the.bully.does.not.get.away.with.. Sister: The Darker Side . her.behavior.. of Friendship” shows Nicole: I heard you have a crush on the boys’ gym teacher, Mr. Davis, and that how girls use relational •.Try.to.do.your.“performance”.in.the.way.you.think.it.could.work.in.real.life. you bring him lunch every day. aggression in and out of school, and even online, •.Even.though.this.is.serious.stuff,.you.can.still.get.dramatic.and.have.some.. SAY: against a new girl who Sophie: . Do you believe it? “Let’s take a look at all things bullying can be. . fun.acting.it.out! Flip the Script (instructions wants to become part of their group. Gossip, Nicole: No. Once.the.teams.have.had.a.chance.to.figure.out.and.practice.“flipping.the. * rumors, and exclusion, as well as verbal and Sophie: Good. script,”.invite.them.to.take.turns.performing.for.each.other..As.each.performance. emotional bullying are seen in the documentary. ends,.invite.the.“audience”.members.to.offer.other.suggestions.about.how.they. Girls also talk candidly Notice.there.is.nothing.else.Nicole.can.say.about.the.rumor.because.Sophie. might.navigate.the.situation. about friendships and hasn’t.given.any.indication.that.it.upsets.her.. the issues that arise when relationships with When.every.team.has.“flipped.the.script,”.wrap.up.with.a.team.discussion,.using. boys enter the picture. Alternate.response.to.disarm.a.bully: A series of scenes also questions.such.as:. compare some of the Nicole: I heard you have a crush on the boys’ gym teacher, Mr. Davis, and that girls’ behaviors with you bring him lunch every day. • How can bullies become a roadblock.in.the.maze.of.life?.What.can.you.do.to.. Physical: hitting, kicking, damaging property the values of the . get.around.this.roadblock? begin on page 63, scenarios Girl Scout Law. Sophie: Do you believe it? • How can you “rewind the scene”.to.prevent.relationship.meltdowns.when.. You might show the documentary, ask girls Nicole: Yes. . you’re.facing.a.real-life.situation.where.bullying.is.taking.place?. do a “scene rewind” with some of the Sophie: . You can believe it if you like. • How does bullying behavior impact team work? How.could.you.shift.bullying.. scenarios, and then have . behavior.on.a.team.so.that.everyone.can.work.together.successfully? a discussion using the points provided above. Again.Nicole.is.stuck..Sophie.is.basically.asking,.“Are.you.really.that.gullible?”.

Contact your Girl Scout This.makes.Nicole’s.“yes”.answer.seem.ridiculous,.which.turns.the.power. council for the best way dynamic.in.the.conversation.back.to.Sophie.. to view the documentary. Verbal: threats, teasing, taunting, name- are on page 62). .

62 63 calling, offensive remarks After girls have finished acting out… Indirect: gossip, spreading negative rumors or stories about someone, lying, excluding people SCENARIO 1: RESPONDING DEFENSIVELY: from social groups ? ASK: What do you notice about this conversation? Virtual: sending negative messages, texts, or (Answer: That it can go on and on this way with pictures via email, instant messages, cell phones, Sophie protesting against the rumor.) or websites” Can Nicole continue to needle Sophie? (Answer: yes!) ? ASK: Can you think of a time when you’ve Who holds the power? (Answer: Nicole) witnessed any one of these bully behaviors? AFTER SCENARIO 2: Which one do you think is most prevalent in your world? RESPONSE TO DISARM A BULLY: ASK: What do you think happened in this Some people define bullying as an imbalance of ? scenario? (Answer: There is nothing else power. How would you define it? Nicole can say because Sophie hasn’t given v DO: Continue the discussion by engaging girls in any indication that it upsets her.) a discussion about why people bully. Answers AFTER SCENARIO 3: might include: ALTERNATE RESPONSE TO DISARM A BULLY: Because others do it. ? ASK: What happened in this scenario? Because it’s what you have to do if you (Answer: Again, Nicole is stuck. Sophie is want to hang out in certain crowds. basically saying, “Are you that gullible?” This makes Nicole’s “yes” answer seem ridiculous, Because it makes them feel stronger, smarter, or better than the person being bullied. which turns the power dynamic in the conversation back to Sophie.)

18 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Flip the Script WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 2: Surfing Through Cyber Relationships � Bully Bystanders (optional)

ACTIVITY » HAVE MORE TIME? Surfing Through Cyber Relationships Bully Bystanders

* SAY: “Did you know that… * SAY: “Being a friend first can mean being an active witness to a • 68 percent of girls have had a negative experience on a bully situation. Ever see a friend social networking site, such as having someone gossip about of yours being teased or picked them or being bullied. on? The natural feeling is to do • Almost half (46 percent) think that nothing at all because you don’t

Surfing Through Cyber Relationships • E-mailing, IMing, and texting are instantaneous and can feel anonymous. . Have you ever written or received hurtful messages or ones that you or Transition.into.a.discussion.about.life.online.by.asking.(or.welcoming.a.girl.to. others might not say in person? Why does it seem OK online? How does it SESSION 4 SESSION 4

SAMPLE ask).questions.like: make you feel? SAMPLE • What’s the weirdest IM or text you ever got? • Do you have friendships that take place mostly online? What “friendship want to become the target, right? social networking creates jealousy rules” apply to those? • What’s the funniest mass e-mail you ever saw? • What can you do to promote safety—your own and that of others—online? • Which do you like the most: IMing, texting, or e-mailing? Why?

CAUTION: BULLIES STRAIGHT AHEAD • If you could visit only one Web site for the rest of your life, what would it be The Girl Scout Law Meets the Virtual World CAUTION: BULLIES STRAIGHT AHEAD and why? This.activity.engages.girls.in.assessing.how.they.interact.online..Introduce.it.by. • What’s your favorite thing to do online? saying.something.like: But the fact is that witnesses among friends. Ask.girls.to.share.all.of.the.topics.they’ve.learned.about.throughout.the.aMAZE. The Girl Scout Law provides a vision and a set of values related to how we ideally journey..Ask.for.a.volunteer.to.write.these.on.a.piece.of.paper.the.group.can.. want to act in the world. Let’s take a look at how you can use the Law as a way to look.at..Here.are.the.main.topics.(other.may.have.come.up.in.your.group): assess some of your online interactions.

•.Strengthening.friendships •.Cliques Hang.up.several.sheets.of.newsprint.and.pass.out.markers.to.a.few.volunteers.. TOWARD •.First.impressions.and.stereotypes •.Conflicts Ask.girls.to.look.at.the.Law.on.the.inside.front.cover.of.their.book.and.write.. PEACE have power! Did you know that Before the session one.or.two.lines.of.it.at.the.top.of.each.sheet.of.newsprint..Then.open.it.up.to.. •.Peer.pressure •.“I-Statements” ends, give girls a.free-for-all. time (and scraps of Now.ask.girls.to.imagine.that.all.of.these.relationship.topics.are.taking.place.in. paper!) to add to their • The girls can use sticky notes.to.write.an.IM.or.any.online.message.that.. Peacemaker Kits. • 40 percent admit to losing onlinerespect.chat.rooms.or.forums,.or.through.e-mail,.IMing, .texting, .etc.. . somehow.relates.to.the.Girl.Scout.Law—positive.or.negative..All.entries.. Encourage them to consider what they . should.be.anonymous.. can do about bullying Divide.girls.into.small.teams.of.two.or.three..Give.each.team.a.sheet.of.paper. behavior—in their real • Play some music while the girls write.and.put.up.their.examples..This.should.. and.ask.them.to.choose.one.topic.and.brainstorm.how.it.“looks,.feels,.and. and virtual worlds—to bullying will likely stop in less . be.fun.but.not.silly.in.an.off-the-track.way. increase the peace. sounds”.online...Here.are.a.few.examples: What have they learned Ideally,.this.should.result.in.a.visible.scene.of.how.broadly.the.elements.of.the. that would make a • Cliques may “look” like: girls.IMing.or.texting.some.girls.but.excluding.others.. difference? for a friend because of something. from.their.conversations.or.plans.. Law.can.reach..Here.are.a.few.examples: • Bullying may “sound” like: posting.a.fake.Facebook.profile.or.writing.mean.. For.honest:.“I’m.just.telling.you.what.she.said.”.For.uses.resources.wisely:... . comments.to.discussion.forums.on.different.sites.. “I.totally.need.that.pair.of.shoes.in.brown,.purple,.black,.AND.pink!” LOOKING • Peer pressure may “feel” like:.a.girl.has.to.post.certain.things.on.her.Web.. AHEAD TO than 10 seconds nearly 60 percent . page.or.write.e-mails.that.don’t.reflect.her.true.opinions. Finish.by.asking.a.few.questions,.such.as:. SESSION 5 Invite the girls to think • Is it hard to stay committed to the Girl Scout Law? Why? Then.ask.the.small.teams.to.show.and.discuss.what.they.wrote..To.guide.the. about any topics or exercises they would discussion,.ask.questions.such.as: • Why does online communication make it easy to forget the Girl Scout Law? like to explore further (Is it the fact that you can be anonymous?) at the start of the next she/he posted on a social network.” session—before they • How are relationships or challenging situations different when they occur online? What are some examples of positive and negative risks people are • How can you use the Law to “increase the peace” in your world? delve into their Take Action Project. (See willing to take when they’re online? of the time when someone— page 66, “Heading Out of the Maze.”) • How do predators, or even peers, lead you into the virtual maze until you reveal more about yourself than you would in a face-to-face interaction? What can you do to prevent this from happening? v DO: Activity on page 64. 64 65 a witness!—steps in or speaks up?”

ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! v DO: Have girls read WITNESS, PLEASE! No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. — Voltaire

Witnesses are usually the most powerful people in a bullying situation. out loud “Types Statistics show that when a peer witness intervenes, bullying will stop in less than 10 seconds nearly 60 percent of the time. Witnesses have the power to prevent bullying from escalating, and to help stop it when it’s happening.

What kind of a witness are you? Take a look at the definitions below. Then think about whether your behavior empowers you to stop bullying. If it does, what strategies have you used successfully in these situations? If it doesn’t, ? ASK: What are some ways you can promote better friendships of Witnesses” on what can you do to play a more active role in ending bullying? Types of Witnesses

passive sees the bullying but avoids the situation online? (Example: not passing on false rumors or saying fearful afraid to help because the bully might turn on her watcher watches and maybe enjoys it, happy not to be the page 84 of their target

accomplice laughs at the bully’s abuse and becomes an appreciative audience something negative about anyone) girl book. defender challenges the bully or supports the victim 84

? ASK: What type of witness do you think more people should be?

Which type of witness were you the last time you were in the Find out if the girls have been doing the Interact presence of bully behavior? Challenges and want to talk about it. Do they have results to share? Or anything they want to add to the Peacemaker Kits?

BFF Be a Friend First • 19 Session 5: Let Peace Begin with You

OPENING CEREMONY ACTIVITY v DO: Read aloud the Taking Action on Bully Prevention Maya Angelou quote SAY: “In this session, you’ll begin to plan your Take Action on page 72 of your * project by thinking about issues associated with bully prevention Adult Guide.

and being a friend first.” Opening Ceremony Then,.ask.if.anyone.knows.the.Girl.Scout.definition.of.leadership?.Refer.girls. to.page.10.of.their.book.for.the.“Discover,.Connect,.Take.Action”.definition.of. Invite.girls.to.conduct.an.opening.ceremony.of.their.choice..If.they.can’t.think.of. SESSION 5 leadership..Ask.them.to.consider.how.the.Girl.Scout.definition.compares.to.the. SESSION 5 SAMPLE one,.suggest.they.each.share.briefly,.around.the.circle,.what.comes.to.mind.when. SAMPLE definition.they.just.came.up.with.on.their.own..(Hint:.If.girls.get.stuck,.coach. Then,.ask.if.anyone.knows.the.Girl.Scout.definition.of.leadership?.Refer.girls. they.hear.this.quote:. Opening Ceremony them.to.look.past.“word”.differences.to.the.deeper.meaning..Does.leadership. to.page.10.of.their.book.for.the.“Discover,.Connect,.Take.Action”.definition.of. Invite.girls.to.conduct.an.opening.ceremony.of.their.choice..If.they.can’t.think.of. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget have.something.to.do.with.who.you.are,.how.you.interact.with.others,.and.how. SESSION 5 leadership..Ask.them.to.consider.how.the.Girl.Scout.definition.compares.to.the. SESSION 5 what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. SAMPLE one,.suggest.they.each.share.briefly,.around.the.circle,.what.comes.to.mind.when. SAMPLE you.act.in.the.world?) definition.they.just.came.up.with.on.their.own..(Hint:.If.girls.get.stuck,.coach...... —Maya.Angelou

they.hear.this.quote:. BEGIN WITH YOUPEACE LET BEGIN WITH YOUPEACE LET them.to.look.past.“word”.differences.to.the.deeper.meaning..Does.leadership. Ask.girls.to.take.a.quiet.few.minutes.to.think.about.the.qualities,.skills,.and. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget have.something.to.do.with.who.you.are,.how.you.interact.with.others,.and.how. How Do Relationship Skills accomplishments.that.define.them.personally.as.leaders. what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. you.act.in.the.world?) DO: Activities on pages 72–73: v Impact the World? Taking Action on Relationships ...... —Maya.Angelou Open.the.discussion.by.making.these.points.(as.always,.feel.free.to.use.your.. LET PEACE BEGIN WITH YOUPEACE LET Ask.girls.to.take.a.quiet.few.minutes.to.think.about.the.qualities,.skills,.and. BEGIN WITH YOUPEACE LET Invite.the.girls.to.share.what.they.have.just.written.with.the.larger.group.or.in. own.words): How Do Relationship Skills accomplishments.that.define.them.personally.as.leaders. small.groups.. • We’ve been concentrating on building our own relationship skills—to give Impact the World? Taking Action on Relationships us more confidence going through the maze of our own lives. Then,.say.something.like:.You.have.the.chance.to.demonstrate.your.leadership. Open.the.discussion.by.making.these.points.(as.always,.feel.free.to.use.your.. through.a.Take.Action.Project.that.will.enable.you.to.advance.peace.in.the.world.. Invite.the.girls.to.share.what.they.have.just.written.with.the.larger.group.or.in. • Today we are going to open our mazes out wider and think about relationships own.words): in the whole world around us. small.groups.. “How Do Relationship Skills With.girls.sitting.comfortably,.hang.a.big.piece.of.paper.on.the.wall..Invite.a. • We’ve been concentrating on building our own relationship skills—to give • Can you think of examples or stories (from history or the present) about people volunteer.to.capture.the.group’s.ideas..It.might.be.helpful.to.set.up.a.chart.. us more confidence going through the maze of our own lives. Then,.say.something.like:.You.have.the.chance.to.demonstrate.your.leadership. who use their relationship skills to improve the world? Who? How? like.the.one.below.to.guide.the.brainstorm: through.a.Take.Action.Project.that.will.enable.you.to.advance.peace.in.the.world.. • Today we are going to open our mazes out wider and think about relationships • If girls are stuck, remind them they have a few examples in their books. in the whole world around us. With.girls.sitting.comfortably,.hang.a.big.piece.of.paper.on.the.wall..Invite.a. • Can you think of examples or stories about how “bad relationship skills” ISSUE AREA POSSIBLE SOLUTION 1 POSSIBLE SOLUTION 2 (like bullying behavior or unresolved conflicts) have contributed to problems • Can you think of examples or stories (from history or the present) about people volunteer.to.capture.the.group’s.ideas..It.might.be.helpful.to.set.up.a.chart.. in the world? who use their relationship skills to improve the world? Who? How? like.the.one.below.to.guide.the.brainstorm: Impact the World?” “Who Is a • If girls are stuck, remind them they have a few examples in their books. Who Is a Real Leader?

• Can you think of examples or stories about how “bad relationship skills” ISSUE AREA POSSIBLE SOLUTION 1 POSSIBLE SOLUTION 2 Ask.the.girls.to.form.small.groups.and.make.three.lists.showing.a.leader’s.top. (like bullying behavior or unresolved conflicts) have contributed to problems three.personal.qualities,.skills,.and.accomplishments. in the world? Then.ask.all.the.groups.to.come.together.so.each.small.group.can.share.its. Who Is a Real Leader? lists..What.do.the.lists.have.in.common?.How.do.they.differ?.Ask.the.full. group.to.create.a.“master”.team.definition.of.a.leader’s.qualities,.skills,.and. Ask.the.girls.to.form.small.groups.and.make.three.lists.showing.a.leader’s.top. Real Leader?” and “Taking Action accomplishments.. three.personal.qualities,.skills,.and.accomplishments.

Then.ask.all.the.groups.to.come.together.so.each.small.group.can.share.its. lists..What.do.the.lists.have.in.common?.How.do.they.differ?.Ask.the.full. group.to.create.a.“master”.team.definition.of.a.leader’s.qualities,.skills,.and. accomplishments.. on Relationships.” Create a chart.

72 73

72 73 ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS!

ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION ? ASK: Which issues on your chart relate to BFF (Be a FOCUS! Friend First) or bully prevention? Are there ways you can add even more of a bully-prevention ASK: How does this quote relate ? focus to your issues? to what we are learning about being a friend first? Which of the BFF bully-prevention issues are you most passionate about? Is it easier to forget when someone has made us feel good, or when someone has made us feel bad? Why? TIPS FOR TAKING ACTION Coach girls to create meaningful action to impact a change—within the time they have. Meaningful does not mean long and complex, but encourage girls to look at solutions for bully-prevention issues they care about. See Activity 1 above and page 69 of your aMAZE! Adult Guide for some Take Action ideas suited for BFF. Do not plan the project for girls. Instead, use these ideas to help ask thoughtful questions, provide inspiration, and keep the girls on track. Remind girls that their Take Action project will help them earn a Diplomat Award. Help girls focus on what is feasible and attainable, while being their biggest cheerleader! 20 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Taking Action on WHAT YOU’LL DO Bully Prevention � Activity 2: Reaching a Decision

ACTIVITY Reaching a Decision

* SAY: “Now that you’ve brainstormed your list of issue ideas, it’s time to reach a decision about which one might make a good Take Action project.”

v DO: Invite girls to decide on an issue that means most to them. Remember that girls will make the decision, but guide them by having them think through the scale and scope of their projects, and to make a realistic decision based on their time and resources. Look at the “Taking Action on Bully Prevention” and “Tips for Taking Action” boxes on opposite page for project ideas. ? ASK: Now that you have your issue, what can you do that will make a difference in the world around you? (For example, for cyberbullying, their solution possibilities might include: teaching their peers about safe social networking or creating a cyberbullying awareness campaign). What kind of Take Action project can you do with your issue? Girls could come to a decision about a Take Action project by the end of this session, but if they need more time, suggest they talk in between sessions or pick up the discussion at the next session.

Let girls know that by doing a Take Action Project, they’ll be able to earn the Diplomat Award! Tell them to look at page 114 of their girl book for more information. You can find out more about the Diplomat Award on page 9 of your Adult Guide and on page 7 of this BFF booklet.

BFF Be a Friend First • 21 Session 6: Improving Relationships in the World

OPENING CEREMONY ACTIVITY * SAY: “Has anyone had any Planning the Take Action Project thoughts about the Take Action project you chose?” They might * SAY: “Now that you know what you want to do for your Take want to revisit the discussion Action project, you can jump right in and start planning.” they had the previous session v DO: Guide girls to the tips and tools on pages 122–128 of their and maybe even change their girl book. These will help them figure out how to break down project. Your role here is to the steps they need to take: how long it will take, what kind of continue to guide them as money they might need. you did before to come to a ? ASK: Who is going to take on which role? decision. Where do you want to do your project? DO: Girls may have tons of ideas v (Is it online? Somewhere at this or another school about how they want to get their or a community center?) Take Action project started. If How will you get the word out about what you’re doing? they’re bubbling over with ideas, (Through an email blast or flyer?) ask one girl to capture the ideas on a board or in a notebook for How much time do you have to complete your project? the group. Do you need to take time out of school or use time in school? If so, put a plan together of who and where. Who will you thank? How will you thank them?

22 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Planning the Take Action Project WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 2: Creating or Doing � Has This Ever Happened to You? (optional) SESSION 6 “A journey is best measured in friends, SAMPLE SESSION 6 SAMPLE rather than miles.” Improving Relationships in the World —Tim Cahill, adventure travel writer IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPSIMPROVING IN THE WORLD

AT A GLANCE

Goal:.Girls.continue.to.connect.with.each.other,. practicing.relationship.skills.individually.and.as.. team.members,.as.they.begin.to.carry.out.their.. Take.Action.Project.

Creating or Doing (a Take Action Project to increase the peace)

Creating or Doing Depending.on.the.nature.of.the.project.girls.are.doing,.they.might.use.this.session.to.create.materials.. ACTIVITY (skits,.posters,.workshops).to.share.with.others..Or.they.might.be.out.“doing”.(talking.to.school.staff.about.. » HAVE MORE TIME? the.best.three.ways.to.stop.the.bullying.in.the.halls)..Girls.can.continue.following.the.ideas.in.their.books.. to.develop.their.projects..If.their.project.involves.leading.a.workshop,.they.might.find.pages.124-126.. especially.useful..

The.girls.are.probably.now.somewhere.between.Steps.4.and.6.toward.earning.their.Diplomat.Award..While.. girls.are.bringing.their.project.to.life:

• Encourage them! Has This Ever Creating or Doing • Ask questions to guide them to think about sustainability:.What.might.they.add.to.their.efforts.to.encourage.. . people.to.“pass.forward”.what.they.learn.as.a.result.of.the.girls’.workshop.or.campaign?.Can.a.school,.. . youth.center,.or.other.organization.continue.some.aspect.of.the.project.after.girls.finish?.Perhaps.make.it.. . an.annual.or.quarterly.event?

• Remind girls that they might use some of their aMAZE activities.or.discussions.as.part.of.their.projects.. . How.would.they.adjust.them.for.other.audiences? Happened to You? • Take time for girls to reflect once.again.about.how.they’re.functioning.as.a.team.and.what.they.are.learning.. . that.they.can.add.to.their.Peacemaker.Kits.

• Assist girls as they organize.some.of.the.practical.aspects.of.their.projects.by.calling.on.the.Family.and . Friends.Network.for.extra.support..Who.can.drive?.Who.can.pick.up.posters?.Who.can.help.the.girls.polish.. v DO: Activity on page 77. . their.script? 77 * SAY: “Have you ever felt hurt by ASK: Is your message tailored for your audience? ? something someone says, only to For example, is your poster being developed for girls or adults? have them follow up by saying, How would your message differ from one you might ‘Just joking!’ That is mean and a create for parents? form of bully behavior. Here are ways to tell whether someone is really joking, teasing, or bullying:

JOKING. Both of you are on the same level and are comfortable, laughing, or giggling together. TIP If girls are suggesting things that you know TEASING. Your friend treats will take too much time or cost money you don’t you as if you’re not on the same have, refer to this booklet for help: level. You become uncomfortable “Taking Action on Bully Prevention” on page 20 and wish the teasing would stop. You are both laughing, but your “You May Be Wondering: What if a Take Action laughter may be forced. (Or you Project Costs Money?” on page 10 may have treated a friend this way.)

BULLYING. You are very uncomfortable and desperately wish she would stop. Laughter, name-calling, and rude language are directed at you. Maybe you are also getting shoved or pushed, or experiencing other physical force. (Or maybe you are doing the bullying.)” ? ASK: How do you know when someone is really joking or is instead teasing or even bullying?

Can you think of examples of each of these three things?

BFF Be a Friend First • 23 Session 7: Toward Peace: Take Action!

OPENING CEREMONY ACTIVITY v DO: Invite girls to sit in a circle Wrapping Up the Take Action Project and share one thing surprising

v DO: If girls have finished their project, kick off Beneath the Surface Closing Ceremony: Going for Goals This.team.activity,.featured.on.page.20.of.the.girls’.book,.lets.the.Cadettes. Ask.the.girls.to.form.small.teams.of.three.to.four.so.they.will.be.able.to.talk. SESSION 1 LARGE GROUP? SESSION 1 SAMPLE discover.their.similarities.and.reveal.their.differences..It.also.gets.them.thinking. easily.with.one.another.and.gain.support.for.the.personal.goals.they.are.going.to. SAMPLE If your Cadette group or memorable about BFF that has more than 10-12 about.how.first.impressions.and.assumptions.might.hinder.their.relationships. identify..(There.tends.to.be.greater.personal.commitment.when.sharing.a.goal.in. girls, perhaps divide them into smaller a.small.group,.as.opposed.to.a.large.one.). Have.girls.stand.in.a.circle..Explain:. groups—each with its own ball. That way, • When the ball is passed to you, remove one piece of tape and answer the Give.a.piece.of.paper.to.each.girl.and.explain.the.activity.by.saying.something. a discussion about what girls learned and every girl can have a chance to answer a question underneath. like: FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE FIRST IMPRESSIONS IN THE MAZE question. • After answering, toss the ball to a girl who has not yet had a turn. • Today we’ve been exploring how, when solving a maze, you rely on certain strategies or techniques. The same is true when you’re striving toward a goal they learned. Then give girls their Then.give.the.ball.to.one.of.the.girls.to.start.the.process..After.each.girl.has.had. in life. Your goal is much like the end point you’re trying to reach when you a.chance.to.catch.the.ball.and.respond.to.a.question,.start.a.conversation.about. navigate a maze. first.impressions..Guide.a.meaningful.discussion.by.perhaps.asking.some.of. Then: accomplished, using the questions on page 80 of these.questions:. •..Ask.the.girls.to.brainstorm.the.relationship.issues.that.most.affect.them,. • Have you ever thought you knew something about someone else but found out whether.it’s.standing.up.to.a.bully,.getting.out.of.a.negative.clique,.improving.a. you were wrong? Explain. friendship,.making.more.friends,.or.something.else.entirely.

BFF bracelet or tie a blue ribbon • How do first impressions impact teams? •..Each.girl.then.chooses.which.issue.(or.two).she.wants.to.solve.for.herself,. and.writes.it.(or.them).on.her.sheet.of.paper..She.then.puts.the.paper.in.an. • What happens when we act as if everyone is exactly the way we first perceived envelope.that.she.addresses.to.herself. them? Talk about how this can include or exclude others. •.Collect.the.sealed.envelopes.and.let.girls.know.you’ll.return.them.at.the.. your Adult Guide. If girls have not yet completed • When you walk into a room and realize you don’t know anyone else there, what . end.of.the.journey,.so.they.can.reflect.on.how.they.progressed.toward.their.. do you usually do to feel comfortable with others? . goal..Let.them.know.the.reflection.will.be.just.for.them—unless.they.choose.. around their wrists. • What do you base your first impression on? . to.share. • How accurate do you think your first impressions are when meeting people for the first time?

• When have you had a completely wrong first impression of someone, and what FOR THE NEXT SESSION their project… changed your mind? • Can you think of situations when people had a wrong first impression of you? Ask girls to bring to the next session a small, empty box or other container and some odds and ends for decorating it (wrapping What did you do to give an accurate impression of yourself? paper, ribbon, beads, glue). Encourage them to bring items to • What could you do so that first impressions allow you to see people for who share, too. If everyone brings a little something different, the they really are, rather than who you think they are? decorating will be that much more interesting. SAY: “Whenever you wear this Ask if any girls want to volunteer to: * • Plan a simple opening ceremony. • Lead a brainstorm about friendship qualities ASK: What changes do you hope will happen (pages 31–32 in the girls’ book) [bracelet or blue ribbon], you let ? • Host an “Ask the Expert Talk Show” (page 45 in this guide) because of what you think you’re going to do? 36 37 other girls know you stand for Be a Friend First. During various How do you hope your project will be passed forward? wars, women and men in the How did you work together as a team? United States have worn flag pins Have you gotten any ideas about Take Action projects you’d to demonstrate their patriotism. want to do in the future? People wear pink ribbons to symbolize their support for people with breast cancer. What will this mean to our group? Could other girls look to you for support and advice, or to stand TIP Ask your designated council contact if up for them against bully behavior? there is a special giveaway for BFF, like a Wear it when you want your BFF sisters to know BFF bracelet. If not, don’t worry. A blue ribbon you’re there for them.” tied around the girls’ wrists is a powerful symbol of Be a Friend First! Let girls know ASK: What would you think if you saw someone ? that the color blue is often associated with wearing a [bracelet or blue ribbon]? trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, What if other girls knew that you had done BFF faith, and truth. because you were wearing it? How do you think they’d react? What would they think of you? Would it be important to you to continue wearing the [bracelet or blue ribbon] after BFF is over? Why or why not?

24 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Wrapping Up the WHAT YOU’LL DO Take Action Project � Activity 2: Planning for the Closing Ceremony and Celebration � Awards Review

Thinking About the Journey’s End Planning for the Closing Ceremony As.the.Take.Action.Project.unfolds.and.time.permits,.you.might.invite.the. and Celebration SESSION 7 SESSION 7 SAMPLE SAMPLE Cadettes.to:. As.the.journey.through.aMAZE.nears.the.end,.engage.girls.in.planning.a.special. • Discuss the Interact Challenges..Have.those.who.want.to.earn.the.award.. closing.ceremony.and.celebration..Depending.on.timing,.perhaps.they.would. . completed.three?.What.have.they.learned?.How.are.their.efforts.being.. even.like.one.gathering.that.is.a.formal.ceremony.for.their.accomplishments,.and. . “passed.forward?”.Girls.might.enjoy.sharing.stories.about.their.efforts. another.that.is.a.team.celebration..Either.way,.here.are.some.ideas.to.consider: • Remind the girls about the personal goal(s).they.wrote.for.themselves.and.. •.Ask.girls.whether.they.would.like.a.formal.closing.ceremony.that.includes.. TOWARDPEACE: TAKE ACTION! . gave.to.you.when.they.began.aMAZE..What.insights.have.they.gained.that.. TOWARDPEACE: TAKE ACTION! . their..Family.and.Friends.Network.or.something.just.for.the.team..If.they.open.. . would.be.useful.in.accomplishing.that.goal?.Do.girls.want.to.get.some.advice.. . up.the.ceremony.beyond.just.the.team,.maybe.some.of.the.people.who... . from.each.other.toward.accomplishing.those.goals? . participated.in.or.helped.with.the.Cadette’s.Take.Action.Project.might.be.. Wrapping Up the Take Action Project . invited.to.attend.. SHARE SUCCESS! •.How.would.girls.like.to.symbolize.their.“Toward.Peace”.commitments.based.. If.girls.are.completing.their.project,.engage.the.team.in.discussing.what.they.. ACTIVITY . on.what.they.have.collected.in.their.kits?. have.learned.and.accomplished..If.not,.you.can.plan.to.do.this.as.part.of.the. •.How.would.girls.like.to.receive.the.awards.they.have.earned?.Do.they.want.. closing.(or.at.a.later.date.if.the.team.has.allotted.more.time.for.the.project).. . a.chance.to.say.some.special.affirmations.to.one.another,.acknowledging.their.. . efforts.and.talents.they.have.put.into.earning.the.awards? Here.are.some.questions.to.guide.the.discussion: •.How.would.girls.like.to.honor.their.accomplishments.together?.Something.. • What impact do you think you had? How do you know? . fun—maybe.a.crazy.obstacle.course-like.maze.(jump.rope,.pop.balloons,.race.. • Are there any ways in which your project will be “passed forward”? . around.chairs).or.something.quieter—creating.a.new.team.poem.together.or.. . reading.through.the.poems.and.quotes.in.their.books.and.talking.together.. • What challenges did you face? How did you work around them as a team? SAY: . about.what.they.mean? “The GSUSA website • Have you gotten some ideas about other Take Action projects you might want * Planning for the Closing You.and.the.Cadettes.might.find.it.useful.to.flip.ahead.to.Session.8.(here.in. to do toward other Girl Scout Award projects in the future? your.guide).and.check.out.some.of.the.“mix.and.match”.ideas.provided.for.the. • What would you want to do differently on other projects? closing..What.would.make.the.closing.of.aMAZE.a.wonderful.event.for.them? •.If.girls.want,.they.can.capture.some.of.their.thoughts.on.page.130.of.their.book. And,.for.fun,.girls.have.some.ideas.in.their.books,.too..So.remind.them.to.check. •.Ask.girls.who.they.might.need.to.thank.for.assisting.with.or.participating.in.. page.133.and.let.you.know.if.they.want.to.incorporate.some.of.these—or.do. . the.Take.Action.Project..Would they like to write notes, send e-mail messages, offers two exciting ways you or make calls? them.instead.of.a.more.serious.closing..Once.you.have.found.the.way.out.of.the. Ceremony and Celebration maze,.there.is.no.wrong.way.to.exit! can share or pass forward DO: The activity on page 81. your Take Action project or v 80 81 be involved in issues you ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! care about: ? ASK: How would you like to symbolize what you learned in Map It! This is an interactive BFF? Perhaps a commitment statement, poem, or song? map where you can post the How will you take what you’ve learned in BFF to use today, story of your project. tomorrow, and the near future? Go to http://forgirls .girlscouts.org/map-it- girls-changing-the-world. Girl Scouts Speak Out!: You AWARDS REVIEW can create a public-service v DO: Invite girls to look at the tools in their announcement that inspires Peacemaker Kits and make a commitment to use someone to create change. them throughout their lives. By doing this, girls Go to http://speakout earn their Peacemaker Award! .girlscouts.org.” ? ASK: If all girls were involved in peaceful relationships, how would the world be different? What were the most important tools in your Peacemaker Kit? How will you commit to using those tools? How will using these tools help you (and possibly others) Be a Friend First? v DO: Make sure girls have decided on how they would like to receive the awards they earned in their next (and final) session. Remember: If girls completed their Take Action project, they earned the Diplomat Award! If girls completed the Interact Challenges, they earned the Interact Award! * SAY: “You’ve earned leadership award(s), which you’ll receive in the next session. Earning awards is a tremendous accomplishment in Girl Scouting!” BFF Be a Friend First • 25 Pass It Forward Session 8:

OPENING CEREMONY ACTIVITY * SAY: “This is our time to celebrate! Now Draw a Bully! Bullying is a huge problem in SAY: “Think again about what a bully looks like. The idea is to our society, and you’ve done * see if your concept of bullies has changed from when we first met.” something, right here in your school and community, to make v DO: Give girls blank paper and ask them to draw a bully again. an important change! Think of the When they’re done, pass out their bully drawings from Session 1. ripple effect that’s happening right ? ASK: What are the differences between your drawings now than now. Other middle school girls all those you created during our first session? How so? across the country are part of this Do you see the idea of “bullies” differently now? BFF experience, and together, you’re making a difference…not Do you think a bully might refer more to behavior than actual just for today, but for the future!” physical characteristics? Do you think bullies look one way? Can bullies be stereotyped too? How so?

HELP GSUSA TELL THE BFF STORY! Consider sharing how BFF has impacted the girls in your group by taking pictures of the girls’ Session 1 and Session 8 drawings with a mobile device and send them to [email protected]. Let the girls know that you will be sharing the pictures anonymously. Encourage them to go online and see how other girls’ conceptualized bullies and bullying, before and after their BFF experiences.

26 • BFF Booklet � Opening Ceremony � Activity 1: Now Draw a Bully! WHAT YOU’LL DO � Activity 2: Closing Ceremony � Have an Awards Ceremony � Girl Scouting Continues!

Closing Ceremony: Commitment to Peace

SESSION 8 Invite.each.girl.to.choose.one.note.that.she.has.placed.in.her.Peacemaker.Kit. SAMPLES and.share.with.the.team.why.that.is.the.most.important.thing.she.has.gained.on. the.journey.through.aMAZE..How.will.she.use.it.to.“increase.the.peace”.in.her. life—and.the.world.around.her.

You.might.also.guide.the.girls.to.a.discussion.of.Mohandas.K..Gandhi,.

PASS IT FORWARD one.of.the.world’s.most.influential.peacemakers..Perhaps.share.this.quote. from.Annie,.a.Girl.Scout.Senior.from.North.Carolina:

“The leader I admire most is Gandhi. Because he knew what his goals were and he was able to lead people through peace and avoid what everybody thought was inevitable, which was all this violence. That was the ultimate leadership.”

Ask.the.girls.how.much.they.know.of.Gandhi.and.his.views.and.actions.. Depending.on.their.answers,.you.might.explain.that.Gandhi.believed. people.should.show.forgiveness.to.one.another.and.use.positive.actions. to.make.up.for.any.less-than-positive.acts.they.have.committed..One.of. Gandhi’s.most.quoted.lines.is:.“You.must.be.the.change.you.wish.to.see.in. the.world.”.Ask.the.girls.to.say.one.change.they.wish.to.see.in.the.world.. ACTIVITY As peacemakers, how will they be this change?

Next,.ask.all.the.girls.to.stand.in.a.circle..Each,.in.turn,.holds.a.meaningful. symbol.(peace.sign.charm,.candle,.pebble,.olive.branch).in.her.hand.as.she. offers.her.commitment.for.peace.to.herself,.and.to.her.sister.peacemakers:. “I.commit.to.being.a.peacemaker.in.the.world.by.______..”

After.the.ceremony.and.celebration.ends,.take.some.time.for.yourself... TIP For more ways to inspire Closing Ceremony Look.back.at.the.reflection.on.page.24–25..Have.any.of.your.answers.. changed.since.winding.through.aMAZE?.

______

______girls to continue with the How.do.you.commit.to.being.a.peacemaker?

______DO: ______The activity on page 86. ______Girl Scouts, see “Staying v 86 ADD A BULLY-PREVENTION FOCUS! Connected!” on page 6 of this booklet. ? ASK: What does it mean to be a friend first when you consider “friends” you haven’t even met yet? Friends from vastly different backgrounds and regions around the world? How can you imagine yourself in the future using your BFF skills?

HAVE AN AWARDS CEREMONY If girls have earned any of the awards, now is the time to give them out. If the girls haven’t decided how they want to present awards, suggest that they take turns presenting the awards to each other. Ask each girl to say something special about another’s contribution to the group and project.

» GIRL SCOUTING CONTINUES! * SAY: “If you loved this experience, there are so many ways you can enjoy Girl Scouts! Remember, it’s not about troops and uniforms, it’s about how you can make a difference in the world. All these things you’ve done with BFF and your Take Action project? You can continue doing more like this for others. You might raise bully awareness for girls in another country. Or continue to meet with your BFF group to educate and inspire more people about this issue. Or perhaps there is another issue you’re passionate about? Girl Scouts is the place to make a difference about the things you care about. And now that you’ve earned awards, you might want to go further and earn a Silver Award and then a Gold Award! In BFF, you learned how to lead with friendship. Now continue to be the leader that you are!”

BFF Be a Friend First • 27 Spreading the Peace:

You Did It!

Congratulations! You’ve guided middle school girls through some challenging issues during a critical time in their lives. Take some time to rewind and reflect: What new insights do you have about bullying and relational aggression, and its impact on girls and your community? By being part of the girls’ Peacemaking efforts and Take Action project, what impact do you think you’ve made? What BFF lessons will you practice in your own life, if any?