fanzine * webzine * Fat Wreck Chords * The Causey Way * The Gossip * Selby Tigers * Smogtown * Youth Brigade From the editors: You're probably wondering who the hell we are, right? Basically, a bunch of us used to write for a punk magazine called B-sides or something like that. Maybe Flipside? It was actually the longest continuously publishing punk rock magazine in America. It may still be. I can't say for sure. All I know PO Box 42124 from my personal experience is that I did an interview with Against All Authority sometime during the summer of 1999, and that interview is set to Los Angeles, CA 90042 run in the next issue. So if it does still come out, at least we know it's timely. www.razorcake.com Anyway, if you want to know more about Flipside and its possible demise, check out Todd's column. And now on to the things I do know about. I know Todd left Flipside and wanted to start a new magazine, so first he Email went to Tucson to meet with Skinny Dan and Katy. Together, the three of Sean them came up with the name and the beginnings of a web zine. Shortly after Todd that, Todd took a vacation to Florida to hang out with me and drink away his Rich Mackin woes. While he was there, we started talking about the web zine and I said Nardwuar something like, "What about poor fuckers like me who can only use the inter- Designated Dale net in half hour intervals at the library?" Todd said something like, "You're Everyone else can be reached c/o Razorcake. fucked, then, aren't you?" Then I said, "Yeah, but most punks are in the same boat as me. You should really go to print, too." And Todd, always being one to turn responsibility back to the critics, told me that, if I really wanted a print Contributions version of Razorcake, I should get off my ass and do it with him. I thought We’re fucking stoked with our columnists right now, about it, and I had all the right qualifications: I was unemployed, not really but if you’d like to submit an interview or are interested doing anything with my life, and I like punk rock. Also, I have an incredibly in doing record reviews, feel free to drop us a line. It’s patient and understanding fiancé who told me, "Fine, go to California to put probably a better idea to contact us and see if we’re out that zine. It'd be nice to get your broke ass out of my hair." Or something interested before you do any actual work. We’ll keep an like that. Thus, Razorcake was born (in less than a third of the time it's gonna open mind towards most things, but Razorcake absolute- ly refuses to run any interviews with Thomas Pynchon. take for that AAA interview to run). The rest is basically logistics. I came out to Cali, we set up shop, hit up a bunch of record labels for ads and stuff to review, did some interviews, gath- AD DEADLINE FOR ISSUE #2 ered up some columnists, got drunk in Vegas, and worked on this zine. April 15, 2001 Meanwhile, Skinny Dan and Katy are still rocking along with the web zine, and the web and print serve as nice compliments to each other. So that's how AD SIZES this zine ended up in your ink-stained fingers. I hope you enjoy it as much as Full page, 7.5 inches wide, 10 inches tall. I do. Half page, 7.5 inches wide, 5 inches tall. -Sean Carswell Quarter page, 3.75 inches wide, 5 inches tall. Sixth page, 2.5 inches wide, 5 inches tall.

*Covers are already taken in perpetuity (forever), but if you put in a request, we'll put you on the list. *Please make all checks out to Razorcake.

ADVERTISING STIPULATIONS *All ads are black and white. There are no immediate plans for color insides. *Make ads the right size and orientation. If ads are the wrong size, they won't run or we'll chop 'em up with scissors to fit. *We will not accept electronic ad files. Hard copy only. *Send good laser prints for the ads. Use solely black ink on all art. Do not output your ad on a bubble jet printer even if it looks black and white. It will repro- duce like complete shit when it goes to an offset printer. Congratulations Matt Average and Erin *Only for full-page ads, we'll accept film. Positive on their new son, Henry. stats, RRED (right-reading, emulsion side down) only. *All photos must be halftoned using a 85 LPI (85 line THANK YOU BOX: (in no particular order) Roger Moser, Jr., Davey Tiltwheel, screen). Money, Harmonee, Nardwuar, Designated Dale, Jimmy Alvarado, Rhythm Chicken, *If you feel the need for us to invoice you, understand Rich Mackin, and Gary Hornberger for their columns; Kat Jetson for her pictures and that your ad won't run until we have the cash on hand, interview with the Gossip; Julia Smut for all she did with Smogtown; Vanessa from so make those arrangements before the ad deadline. Fat for hooking us up with the first ever Fat Mike and Erin interview; Donofthedead, *If any of this is fuzzy, don't hesitate to contact us. RumbleStripper, Jimmy Alvarado, Roger Moser, Jr., Harmonee, Liz O., Bob Cantu, We'll explain it. and Pete Hucklebuck for record reviews. And last but not least, Felizon Vidad and Sara Isett for their patience and understanding. Issue #1

Cutting. Tasty. www.razorcake.com and PO Box 42129, Los Angeles, CA 90042 Visit www.razorcake.com for exclusive live reviews, exclusive interviews, news, gossip, and contributor information. Table of Contents COLUMNS Roger Moser, Jr...... Drunk and Demented in Texxxas ...... pg. 6 Money ...... Pog Mo Thon ...... pg. 8 Davey Tiltwheel...... Hair-Brained Scheme Addict ...... pg. 10 Harmonee ...... Meow Mix ...... pg. 12 Retodd ...... Complete, Utter ReToddNation ...... pg. 14 Nardwuar The Human Serviette ...... Who Are You? ...... pg. 16 Designated Dale ...... I’m Against It ...... pg. 20 Jimmy Alvarado ...... I’m a Little Airplane ...... pg. 22 The Rhythm Chicken ...... The Dinghole Reports ...... pg. 24 Rich Mackin ...... The Twisted Ballon ...... pg. 26 Sean Carswell ...... A Monkey to Ride the Dog ...... pg. 30 Gary Hornberger...... Squeeze My Horn ...... pg. 34 INTERVIEWS Selby Tigers ...... Interview by Todd ...... pg. 38 Smogtown ...... Interview by Julia Smut ...... pg. 42 The Causey Way ...... Interview by Todd ...... pg. 46 The Gossip ...... Interview by Kat Jetson ...... pg. 52 Youth Brigade ...... Interview by Sean ...... pg. 56 Fat Mike and Erin...... Interview by Sean and Todd ...... pg. 60 REVIEWS Record Reviews ...... pg. 66 Book Reviews...... pg. 78 Zine Reviews...... pg. 76

Razorcake is put together by Skinny Dan, Sean Carswell, Katy Spining, and Todd Taylor. Special thanks go out to Julia Smut for doing the Smogtown layout and Dave Guthrie for making the logos.

Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00. Plus you get some free shit. Drunk and Demented in Texxxas

Them snaggle-toothed Skoal-lipped good ol' boys are as quick to pull their guns as they are to vigorously pull their puds... yippy-tie-yie-yay, indeed!

Texas has undeniably had its fair time itself; vast endless expanses of BBQ beef more tangy and tastier becomes mush, where guns are the share of media attention lately with grassy plains stretch as far as the than the most succulent of all true measure of a man's worthiness the villainous devil-may-care eye can see and effortlessly blend exquisite and exotic cuisine ever in society (if ya don't own an arse- escapades of seven escaped con- with the eternal openness of the placed on a platter, and rowdy nal of firearms in these here parts, victs who effortlessly slipped out of celestial western sky; the Gulf unruly honkytonks where insur- son, you're un-American; a gawd- a southwest Texas penitentiary vir- Coast shores glisten with efferves- mountable intoxication and loud damn yellow-bellied lily-livered tually undetected (of course, they've cence, excitement and exoticism blaring ditties inspire many a cou- communist. Smith & Wesson since been recaptured, rounded up, like a paradisical swirling dervish ple to frenziedly shuffle their feet should open several outlet malls in and returned to state-sponsored cap- of wickedly divine hedonism; lush and kick up the dust into the wee Texas 'cause they'd make a killin' tivity), and the even more villainous forests of evergreen pine thickly wild-eyed hours of the morning. here, pardon the pun! Yup, them underhanded political poopooing of cover rolling hills that seem to Yeeeeehaw, indeed! snaggle-toothed Skoal-lipped good a certain son-of-a-Bush character never have been touched by the foot But there are lifelessly colorless ol' boys are as quick to pull their (yep, let's all give a hearty round of of man... pure, pristine, and regions of Texas severely lacking guns as they are to vigorously pull sarcasm-laced applause to the cor- unscathed. And whooooodoggy, creative musical and artistic expres- their puds... yippy-tie-yie-yay, rupt politically-biased government Texas is musically as resplendantly sion, awe-inspiring cultural diversi- indeed!). of Florida, specifically Jackass Jeb disparate as it is culturally: blues, ty, liberally-inclined openminded- I unfortunately live and dwell in and Contemptuous Kathy... afterall, rockabilly, tejano, zydeco, punk, ness, and the undeniable inalienable such a pleasureless place... a cata- they authoritatively took it upon metal, the most raucously rowdy right to freely express one's self tonic cowtown so culturally retard- themselves to appoint our nation's ed that taking a daily dump is con- newly bestowed prez; he certainly sidered a monumentally newswor- wasn't elected!). But, hey, at least thy occasion. Indeed, redundant ol' Dimwit Dubya is no longer gov- predictability runs rampant here in ernor of Texas, and we native Longview (or Dungview, as I've so Texans are no longer subjected to poetically and appropriately his confrontational cockiness and renamed it!): the garbage-strewn overconfident arrogance, his regres- streets lead nowhere fast (dead-end sive political agendas, his manipu- dead ahead more often than not!); a lative mismanagement of the state's nonprogressive, unidealistic city school system, his corporate- government forcefeeds their outdat- backed flagrant disregard of our ed self-serving values and flaccid irreparably damaged environment, limp-dicked old-man morals upon a and his Hitleristic zeal for executing braindead unsuspecting population; prisoners. Damn straight, he's cur- fascistic Christian conservatives rently the entire nation's scourge self-righteously condemn any free- ("we've got a bigger problem now", rock'n'roll ever to be robustly blast- without fear of violent retribution... thinking naysayers to eternal to plagiaristically quote Mr. Jello ed, twangy heartbroken coun- sparsely populated places and damnation in Hell; and urban Biafra!). Anyway, I've obviously try'n'western swing, and so much beastly inbred areas where social enlightenment is next to nil (oh digressed, so please permit me to more (graciously givin' birth to such ineptitude is the norm, where fanat- sure, there's a couple of hoity-toity consume another euphorically cacophonously gifted musical char- ically fervent religions intermingle upscale art galleries for the snivel- intoxicatin' 12-ouncer before I acters as Bob Wills, Buddy Holly, with militant right-wing politics, lin' martini-drenched crowd and a blissfully continue this incoherently Bobby Fuller, The 13th Floor where the skies always seem dreari- hippy-drippy handful of slacker- informal lil' rant... Elevators, The Moving Sidewalks, ly dismal and the sun surely never swarmed coffee shops, but anything Since I was born, bred, brewed Bloodrock, Hates, Big Boys, Dicks, shines, where ignorance and intol- else out of the extraordinary, cul- and stewed here in Texas, I can Butthole Surfers, Southern erance rules supreme, where ture-wise, is deemed too risque, knowingly give argument to the Backtones, Bulemics, Roller, and a Confederate flags freely flutter in decadent and sinful for public con- common misconception that Texas healthy heapin' helpin' of so many an industrial-polluted breeze sumption. Thanks for livin' my life is nothing but endless miles of others!). And let me not neglect to (inspiring fear, uncertainty, and for me, oh highly revered and much apocalyptic tumbleweed-strewn mention the other perversely plea- even more mistrust and strife respected self-annointed nobod- scrubland crawling with such utter- surable aspects of Texas: bountiful among the races after all these years ies!). ly despicable critters as scorpions, abundances of freeflowing spiritual of so-called progress and unity), Sooo, what's a poor boy to do rednecks, and rattlesnakes. The elixirs and zesty coma-inducing siz- where radio stations putridly per- (shameless "Street Fightin' Man" panoramic surface of Texas is a ter- zle-sauces for the soul (beer, meate the airwaves with unrelenting reference there, folks!) for salacious rain of awe-inspiring contrasts as whiskey, tequila, and other such regurgitations of Fleetwood Mac, spiritual salvation and enthralling diverse and colorful as its people, eye-blurrin' beverages!), the most The Eagles and The Doobie inspirational escape from the every- its culture, and its history: cactus- bodaciously buxom and generously Brothers (the blandly vile epitome day routine tedium of smalltown dotted rocky deserts dip perilously proportioned gorgeous gals ever to of 70's schlock-rock repugnance!) mediocrity?!? Well, at an under- into craggly canyons as ancient and bask beneath the sun's life-enrich- until a person's ears are lulled into standably early age, I eagerly weatherbeaten as ing grandeur, mesquite-smoked uninspired catatonia and the mind embraced the melodiously mind- 6 altering magnificence of music tionary redneck insinuations ("Hey, (most specifically, the ragin' roar of boy, what are yooouuu?!? Some "rock'n'roll music, any ol' way you kinda faygit?!?" To which I'd choose it", to gratuitously quote ol' invariably reply, "If I were, you'd be guitar-maestro Chuck Berry!). My my bitch, sweetcheeks!" dad possessed quite an impressive BangBamBoom, oops another collection of Elvis Presley 45s and black eye, bloody nose, and busted CCR 8-tracks which I repeatedly knuckles for poor ol' pitiful Rog!). played over and over again with Plus it's extremely unarguably diffi- passionate zeal as if there would be cult to attain gainful employment in no tomorrow... man, such sonically these here parts when a person smoldering sounds hedonistically uncannily resembles an alien hooli- titillated and cacaphonously cor- gan from another universe. rupted my impressionable young Anyway, punk is an attitude, an ears to no end like a sinfully deca- unfaltering rebellion against social- dent breath of sensuously fresh air. ly acceptable norms, a flagrant dis- Hot damn, I was hopelessly hooked regard of puritanically correct and irreversibly addicted... I morals, and a belligerently outspo- became spastically tantalized and ken protestation against the oppres- mindlessly mesmerized by rock- sive powers that be... it's substance 'n'roll's raunchy rebelliousness (I over appearance and mind over obsessively sought any and every matter, certainly not a fashion-ori- style of audial damage pertaining to ented trend of the moment nor a its mighty thundering wrath!). I stylish homogenized fad to be who- spent mind-numbing amounts of rishly incorporated into mainstream time (not to mention school lunch society's slick plastic-coated mon- money!) in music stores during my eymakin' machine. Yep, I've had so-called "formative" youth reli- plenty of time to dwell on such giously pursuing the rawest, rowdi- truth-in-progress thoughts way est and most raucous records my down here in these redundantly ears could possibly encapsulate. rural environs, so I occasionally After a deviant audial dalliance sometimes almost know what the (that persists to this day) with Black hell I'm espousin' (even when I'm Sabbath, I desperately desired obnoxiously sober!). something stronger, harsher, and In closing, I'd just like to state the more extreme (I'm talkin' about obvious: Texas ain't all bad, but it music here, kiddies; not drugs, sure as hell ain't all good either (I damnit!)... enter the scruffy sonic love Texas; I just utterly detest cer- insurrection of the Sex Pistols, the tain segments of its population.). darkly brooding aural belligerence Buddy Holly tearin' outta the flat of Black Flag, the giddy goodtime emotionless plains of Lubbock like cartoonish cacophony of the brudda a frenetically turbulent tornado hell- Ramones, and the decadent swash- bent on an awe-inspiring path of bucklin' juvenilistic savagery of the destruction; crimson freezeframed Descendents. My dearly deceased reminders of JFK forever frozen in and beloved cousin, mentor and time on the blood-splattered brother in beer-sloshin' sinfulness, autumn-splashed streets of down- Scott (a semi-pro skateboarder, a town Dallas; a handful of students highly learned articulator of and citizens unknowingly stepping thought-provoking opinions, and an into full glaring range of an ex- all-around professional brew- marine psycho sniper's field of view imbiber), irreverently introduced and systematically cut down in a me to such musical miscreance in slaughterhouse hail of unrelenting the early 80's as he frenziedly ollie- gunfire on the UT campus in grinded and chaotically careened Austin; Roky Erickson's wild acid- through many a stretch of pavement drenched audial dementia; a blood- and numerous geometrically curved bath butchershop of horrors in plywood ramps. My mom will exas- "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"; Dicks peratedly assure you all that I've Hate The Police (who unrepentanly never been the same since... kill niggers and Mexicans in the hot Due to the inspirationally chaot- Texas desert sand); atrociously ani- ic sonic fury of punkrock, I became malistic hate-motivated dragging a nihilistic entity unto myself while deaths in Jasper and Amarillo; feverishly transforming my once- seven escaped cons unwittingly ter- shy personage into the apathetic rorizing the entire Southwest for physical embodiment and several weeks during the Christmas disheveled insurgent personifica- season of festivity, joy, and brother- tion of all-out snot-tossin' rage ly love; a fascistic totalitarian mind- (complete with the obligatory less mannequin of a president spiked Sidney 'do and decorative appointed to serve his very own dogchain necklace, of course). But self-aggrandizing purposes at the I'm older and drunker now, and I've expense of our so-called democra- considerably toned down my out- cy! Damn straight, Texas is the rea- ward appearance due to continuous son... confrontations, sometimes physi- cally violent altercations, and reac- -Roger Moser, Jr. 7 Pog Mo Thon

It was not an IRA demonstration. It was a march for civil rights, a defiant, yet peaceful protest.

BLOODY SUNDAY thus were legitimate targets. The to the streets, and the RUC (Royal the police and immediately began to Is there any one amongst you indictment stunned the people of Ulster Constabulary) broke up the make wholesale arrests in Catholic Dare to blame it on the kids? Derry. party with their batons, leaving communities. Not a soldier boy was bleeding Gerry Adams, leader of Sinn many protestors battered and blood- With the body count beginning to When they nailed the coffin lids! Fein, puts it more bluntly: "Bloody ied. This enthusiastic show of force escalate, Catholic Nationalists, who --John Lennon Sunday was an ambush. It was the was televised, and as Irish Catholics were feeling beset from all sides by When you hear the words Bloody application, premeditated and throughout Northern Ireland Loyalist aggressors, the RUC and Sunday, do you think of Bono, wav- unadulterated, of counterinsurgency watched their countrymen get their British soldiers, were divided over ing the tricolor in a snarky sleeve- measures to pacify a popular strug- asses handed to them, they experi- which methods should be used to less t-shirt at Boulder, Colorado's gle and to subdue an insurrection. It enced something similar to what stand up for their rights and advance Red Rock Amphitheater? Do you was conceived at the highest level of their American cousins were feeling the Republican cause; to wit, think of the song John Lennon wrote British military command and on the other side of the Atlantic whether armed resistance should be with Yoko Ono and recorded on his authorized at the highest level of the when they sat down to watch Laugh part of their methodology. The result solo album "Some Time in New British political system." In and got execution-style murder was a split in the IRA and Sinn Fein York City?" Or do you think of thir- In 1998 Tony Blair, Prime served up from the steaming jungles -- the IRA's political wing -- teen Derry Catholics gunned down Minister of England, agreed to re- of Da Nang instead, or watched between advocates of violence and like dogs in the street by British open the investigation into Bloody National Guardsmen shoot down nonviolence. Meanwhile the situa- Paratroopers? Sunday and impartially weigh all of college students in Kent State. In an tion grew increasingly tense. In the To speak of Bloody Sunday is to the evidence. Today, many feel that instant, the image of systematic sup- summer of 1970, the British Army invoke dispute. Very little of what if the peace currently enjoyed in pression of a peaceful rally cat- imposed martial law on the Falls transpired on January 29, 1972 is in Northern Ireland is to last, the alyzed public opinion, particularly Road area of Belfast. A strictly agreement. Here are the facts: Saville Inquiry into Bloody Sunday, in the Catholic sector. Rioting broke enforced curfew was imposed as British soldiers shot and killed thir- which continues as of this writing, out in Derry and continued unabated soldiers went house to house, look- teen Catholics at an illegal march in must right the wrongs committed by for two days. Although Belfast ing for members of the IRA. Homes the city of Derry to protest the prac- British soldiers and exacerbated by would emerge as the symbol for The were sacked. Valuables destroyed. tice of internment. The massacre Lord Widgery's Report. Troubles, the place where violence Civil rights violated. The worst outraged Catholic communities in erupted as faithfully as a geyser, its result was the near total erosion of Northern Ireland and around the THE TROUBLES epicenter would always be Derry. good will between the British Army world, for photographs taken by How long? The Troubles had begun. and the Catholic community. Soon numerous foreign journalists clearly --Bono The following summer in 1969, after, rubber bullets were introduced show that the protestors were Although the North of Ireland has violence erupted when a Loyalist as a means of crowd control. More unarmed. been a trouble-spot since Viking parade route passed dangerously often than not, however, the bullets, Lord Widgery, who was instruct- raiders used the Irish coast as a com- close to a predominantly Catholic which were designed to be fired at ed to conduct a full investigation, mando training ground, the genera- Derry neighborhood known as the the feet of rioters so that they would exonerated the soldiers and impli- tion of violence that is generally Bogside. When the parade deterio- bounce and lose much of their cated the civilians in their own known as "The Troubles" officially rated into street fighting, the RUC velocity before striking, were fired deaths, claiming many of them kicked off with a civil rights march attempted to break it up with point blank at their targets, often at either to have been armed or in in Derry in autumn of 1968. armored cars and water cannons, but innocent civilians. Thousands were proximity to someone armed, and Roughly 500 men and women took the Bogsiders held their ground and maimed in these state-sanctioned successfully turned both the attacks on the public. Loyalist mob and the RUC back. As The proverbial straw that broke news of The Battle of Bogside the camel's back was the re-intro- spread, sectarian violence erupted duction of internment in the summer throughout Northern Ireland. of 1971. The British Army broke Catholic vs. Protestant. Nationalist into houses, rounded up suspected vs. Loyalist. Taig vs. Prod. IRA members and placed them in After two days of street skir- makeshift camps like Long Kesh mishes and running gun battles, the (a.k.a. The Maze) and the Stormont government requested that Maidenstone Prison ship in Belfast British troops be deployed to Harbour without trial. The results Northern Ireland to help solve their were disastrous. Not only did vio- "Irish problem." By mid-afternoon lence escalate in hot spots across troops were rolling through the Northern Ireland (in the 48 hours streets of Derry. Later that day The after internment, 17 people were Troubles notched its first casualty killed, including a Catholic priest), when a Catholic civilian named but the practice of internment creat- John Gallagher was killed in the ed political martyrs for the streets. The troops came under the Nationalist cause. It was against this Photo obtained from the CAIN (Conflict Archive on the Internet) Web service at guise as protectors of peace, but practice that the several thousand http://cain.ulst.ac.uk/images/posters were actually an armed extension of people (just how many has always A Republican poster from the 1970s calling on Nationalists to resist British control of Northern Ireland

The average age of the Derry 13 was 22. Nearly half of the victims were under the age of 18. The British soldiers used SLR rifles, capable of piercing a tree at 100 paces.

Foreign journalists were shot at, as was a member of the Knights of Malta -- a volunteer organiza- tion. Approximately one out of ten eye- witnesses attest to the presence of sharpshooters on the ancient Photo obtained from the CAIN (Conflict Archive on the Internet) Web service at http://cain.ulst.ac.uk/images/posters Derry walls. been a point of contention) who an older man of 59 from the cover of Jack Duddy, age 17, shot in the tion before he came into British cus- congregated at the Creggan shops in a derelict building on William back while running from soldiers. tody. Derry gathered to peacefully protest Street. (The soldiers involved in this Pat Doherty, age 31, shot in the Gerald McKinney, age 35, shot in on a Sunday afternoon in January. and other attacks are anonymous. back while attempting to crawl to the chest with his arms above his They are known only as Soldier A safety. A photograph of Patrick heads, shouting "Don't shoot! Don't THE BOGSIDE FUSILIERS and B, etc. As protection against taken mere moments before he was shoot!" After they shot dead reprisals, the names of the soldiers gunned down shows that he is not William McKinney, age 26, shot The thirteen men in Derry who participated in Bloody Sunday armed, yet his killer, Soldier F, from behind while attending to PARAS THIRTEEN, the walls said have never been disclosed.) Later, claims in Lord Widgery's Report Gerald McKinney (no relation). BOGSIDE NIL. these soldiers would claim that they that he carried a pistol. A total of 25 men and one woman --Seamus Heaney had seen someone lighting a nail Barney McGuigan, age 41, shot in were felled, 14 of which died of In all likelihood, stones thrown bomb, but this claim was refuted the back of the head while going to their injuries. by angry youths touched off the riot vigorously by the wounded the aid of Pat Doherty. He was wav- No soldiers were injured. No bombs that was suppressed with such mur- Catholics and has never been cor- ing a white handkerchief. He died were detonated. No guns recovered derous force that it left thirteen men roborated by eyewitnesses. Twenty- alone. His photo, taken by Gilles from the scene of the massacre. dead at the barricade, in the car park nine years later, the boy, no longer Perres, is perhaps the most famous Those who were injured have their and on the street (a fourteenth man young, admits to throwing stones. image to emerge from Bloody God and the kindness of those who died of his wounds some time later). The British Army admits to nothing. Sunday. rushed them to safety to thank. Growing up Catholic in Derry The majority of the marchers, Hugh Gilmore, age 17, shot while The thousands who were there but meant shaving your head so the sol- however, did not know shots had running from soldiers. escaped unscathed will always won- diers couldn't pull your hair. It been fired, though those that heard Kevin McElhinney, age 17, shot der but never know why they had meant knowing which neighbor- the crack of the SLRs (Self Loading while attempting to crawl to safety. been spared. hoods were safe to walk in, and Rifle) knew instantly that live Michael Kelly, age 17, shot in the The families of the dead, particular- which were not. It meant openly rounds, and not rubber bullets, had abdomen. ly the mothers and the wives, have antagonizing the soldiers who had been fired. Stewards with mega- John Young, age 17, shot in the less to comfort them: sorrow, a use- beaten your brother or interned your phones ushered the marchers down head. less ache, a hole that can be filled by dad. It meant throwing stones. It Rossville Street toward Free Derry William Nash, age 19, shot in the hatred, hope for justice, forgiveness. meant starting riots. Corner for the rally. Moving east on chest while going to the aid of A fusillade of stones clattering Rossville Street, they encountered a another. The names of the soldiers are not against a Saracen Armoured barricade of wire and rubble. This is Michael McDaid, age 20, shot in known. Their instructions can only Personnel Carrier was a common where they were ambushed. the face. A photograph, taken just be guessed at, their murderous sight in those days. On that fateful The First Battalion Parachute before he was killed, shows Michael motives intuited. All that can be day in Derry stones where thrown Regiment moved in to arrest rioters, unarmed and walking away from known for certain are the names of and a small riot broke out, though with Saracens rumbling from the the violence. the dead, a few details about their participants in the march said it was rear. The soldiers claim they were James Wray, age 22, shot twice: lives, the paths the bullets took as neither intense nor enthusiastic. fired upon first, either from a gun or once in the chest/abdomen area, and they tore through their bodies. After all, many of the marchers a bomb, they couldn't say. The then again, from close range, in the Whether the British government were old men, women who had their marchers contend it was the soldiers back. "I can't move my legs!" he will continue to profane their mem- wee ones with them, children of all who opened fire. The shooting was cried. ories, or seek absolution by ceasing ages. It was not an IRA demonstra- most intense at the barricade. Seven Gerald Donaghy, age 17, shot to interfere with the mechanics of tion. It was a march for civil rights, Catholics were killed here, several once in the abdomen. Four nail justice, remains to be seen. a defiant, yet peaceful protest. It has more were felled as they dashed bombs were found on Donaghy's (Next issue: The Aftermath of been estimated that as many as across the Glenfada car park seek- body (who, coincidentally, was a Bloody Sunday) 20,000 and as few as 3,000 were in ing cover. They must have felt like member of the youth wing of the -Money attendance that day. rats trapped in a cage. These are the IRA and died in British custody) The shooting began shortly names of the dead. This is how they even though he had first been exam- *A full list of works cited will before 4:00 when two soldiers shot died: ined by a Catholic doctor and his be included at the end of this and injured a young boy of 15 and clothing was searched for identifica- article. 9 Allison Discount was sitting downstream writing something, we were about to tour with and we had a local celebrity punk in tow probably some poem about my ass. who could easily persuade the pro- moters of the show to let a lowly 3 Rosswheel turned me on to D4. calling frantically every band, zine 4 a short drive away in Milwaukee. piece band from San Diego start the He gave me a tape of the 7”s and and distro person we had a number Just then the carbohydrate-fueled show early. That’s the one good the split with The Strike. Every for. When Brad Rhetoric picked up adrenaline rush to my brain thing about being in a band: if you show the Tiltwheel would play the phone he seemed somewhat switched me into “persuasive play, you get into the show for free, you’d find us accosting some poor elated to know we were in his area mode” and I threatened people with even if it’s sold out. It’s the only bastard’s cassette player with the of the country, though he didn’t violence if we didn’t drive to fringe benefit I’ve ever gladly taken tape and if you listened close have a show for us, he told us to Milwaukee that instant. Turns out advantage of. This usually includes enough you’d hear one or the both stop by and he’d buy records and we were supposed to meet up with a few guests, who tonight would be of us screaming into said bastard’s get us drunk in the snow. That’s Zoinks! for a couple of weeks tour a few punk kids outside who were ear, “ISN’T THIS GREAT! what’s so great about the DIY in a day or two anyway and I’m also ticketless. You take something AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!” thang: that people will open up fairly sure I had spent many a dri- you give something back. It’s that Ross told me a story of the their homes to any old asshole with ving hour up until then spewing easy. brief time he had a radio show at nothing more than an email forth stories of Dillinger Four’s We set up our equipment and do Local College station KCR. He between us. amazing barrage of bombastic rock a quick line check and are informed spent 2 or 3 hours playing D4 non- We pulled up to Brad’s house n roll antics. In the quick turnover it’s 30 minutes til start time. I wan- stop justifying his actions with with a couple cases of Madison’s world of punk rock, this could have der outside for more boozy refresh- periodical spurts of “We are getting finest cheap beer and were relieved been my only chance to see them. If ment. The show is at a bar, but the request after request for this damn to see a group of folks already people had to bleed, we were going. bar is closed to allow an all ages D4 band!” I believe he was asked enjoying the same hops and barley We pulled up to the club at about crowd in. We don’t have this is San not to come back after that one. refreshments we were looking for- 5:00pm. Sold out. Not a problem. Diego. I am impressed. I walk past Larry Harmon, of Genetic Disorder ward to. I’m a one-track mind most Where there’s a roof or a back door, this nice white van and I comment fame, fared much better with his of the time, my main loves in life there’s a way. It’s much easier to on “rich punks taking daddy’s “All Venom All The Time” radio are going to shows and drinking sneak beer into a club if you go in weekend wagon for a spin” when show. Evil never dies. cheap beer, in either order or com- through the unguarded areas any- out of the side door comes this Fast forward about 6 months bination. I asked Brad what was way, so I was all ready to scale a sweaty, seemingly cross-eyed to yet another disastour with going on this evening in Madison, fence when this bright idea came drunk, a red-nosed being half Everready. We were broke and and he told us about a show with over me. See we had our equip- falling out, half stumbling. I say, showless in the middle of nowhere Zoinks! and a band called Dillinger ment, we were early enough, a band “whoa nellie” and it replies, “I’m Paddy wanna drink some whisky?” I reply with a hearty and surprised, “Fuck yeah” and the being tells me to grab a seat. It’s funny how drunks find each other... “BeerDar” I guess the col- lege jock types would call it. We sit in the van and drink what’s left of the Beam. Fast forward an hour or two. I’m sure we played a set in there some- where, and I’m shitting myself watching Dillinger Four play one of the most inspiring punk rock sets I’ve seen in almost a decade. It was like a new lease on life. After countless “naa naa poo poo” bands masquerading as punk, including my own, I had seen the future and it was 3 fat cunts and this guy who looked like a villain from a Murnau film. We spent the rest of the evening in the Everready van with Billy, who was very nice to talk to and seemed to be drinking beer as fast as we were, perhaps fearing we’d run out before we had a chance to drink it all. Can’t remember what we talked about. It didn’t matter since we enjoyed each other’s com- pany. That’s another great thing toilets that stuck in our minds as the Alcoholicus” Our hemorrhoids about punk rock: meet so many evening went on. Japanese toilets tend to rear their ugly heads at sim- similar people who aren’t raging are similar to ours except they are ilar times. It’s true! Probably about assholes like yourself. buried in the ground and you squat as true as the menstruation tales Fast forward again, a couple of over a small canal as you evacuate anyway. By this time, I had already years later to Los Angeles, your half-eaten meal from the night consumed a lot of Airport Bar California. Discount and D4 are on before. Shitting is easy, it’s the wip- Whiskey, Paddy’s Bottle and a case their way to Japan and get bumped ing thats hard. Do you stand to of some hippy’s beer in the van out- from their flight. They are given a wipe risking a dirty ass as your side. The rest is sort of a blur but few rooms at the Airport Hilton, a cheeks squeeze together residual somehow, in the midst of greasy very fancy hotel by anyone’s stan- grease and turtletail or do you con- shit, chaffed ass and bloated hem- dards, but for a group of punks tinue to squat and risk the dragging moroid tales Paddy and I dropped from Florida and the Midwest, it’s your knuckle through your mall- our drawers and soothed our beaten like oscar night. Turns out the same cookie-warm peanutty pile. I’ve bungholes in the nice fountain flight was occupied by Mustard shit in a few Japanese toilets and I adorning the patio bar area. I do Plug, also heading for a Japan tour, still don’t have it right. Once while remember noticing Allison but not touring with D4. Just a few shitting in a parking garage bath- Discount was sitting downstream months earlier, Everready and room in Osaka, the only place I writing something, probably some Mustard Plug played a handful of found after a 20 minute clenched poem about my ass. Be warned shows together on unrelated tours. I ass journey/prayer session, my next time you see your kids playing believe it was somewhere in New unbalanced equilibrium sent me in a fountain. We’ve both toured Jersey that the club gave us and the face first into the door of the tiny fairly extensively, and this is prob- Plug a 12 pack of Corona to split. stall. As I settled in the small inden- ably not the first time we’ve floated Now you have 12 beers, 3 alco- tation my head left on the door, I our sacks at cupid’s feet. holics and a big fuck off ska band. remember seeing through my legs, I know most of this is supposed It doesn’t add up. We were broke as my balls hanging upside down in to be rememberences and stories usual but for some reason, some- the foreground of a greasy and about D4, but fuck you. I tend to how, we offered to replenish the rather large stew of rest stop soba, ramble. I have a few more, like the beer supply with what is known in Malt Liquor and Izakawa finger time we were in Vegas at the bowl- certain circles as a “Beer Run”. foods. Later that night, a young ing tourney. Paddy bowled on Needless to say, I was glad to see Japanese skate punk traded me my team asswheel while I signed, Mustard Plug as well as we shared D4 pin for a spike on his wrist- “fuck you, signed paddy” auto- 4 cases of beer with our horns held band(that spike is on my jacket that graphs for kids. When I think high at the headlining bands that just happens to be in Lane’s kick about those guys, this is what I evening. drum as i write this. Funny how think of. When I listen to them or We walk into the Hotel lobby, things work out). Maybe it was the see someone wearing their shirt, I smelly, hungover and loud when I way he screamed “DIYINYA just lose myself in thoughts of spot Eric and Lane, who recognize POAH” in my ear and bounced off great drunken episodes with four me before I do them. I said hi and my shoulders but it made me happy of the most obnoxious people bee-lined for the bar while they got to know that someone else in this you’d ever speak highly of. I love their rooms. Billy was next and did- world tends to walk up to strangers those guys and I see them about n’t remember who I was, I didn’t and scream their name in earnest. I once a year to catch up on old remember him too much either told Patrick these stories to ward times and reopen new wounds and since we consumed a lot of beer sit- him off of falling into the same bruises. In the midst of most of my ting in the van outside that show in predicament as I had been. I care a own drunken adventures, I look to Milwaukee. I just remember he had lot about my friends, especially the my left, and I look to my right and glasses and a beer in his hand. He ones who aren’t too uptight to share I hope to see one of them sitting seemed much taller now. Luckily funny tour shit stories. beside me trying to get me we were introduced. Paddy and I Paddy’s ass hurt. So did mine. It to use beerdar to convince start in on the whiskeys and shoot happens. You know the stories of some record label person the shit about everything from the all grrl bands and roommates or college jock guy to buy Leatherface to shitting in Japanese whose periods synch up. Well with us a 12 pack. toilets. I think it was the Japanese the Genus “Irish Largicus -Davey Tiltwheel

Davey Tiltwheel and Paddy D4, Irish Largicus Alcoholicus in their natural habitat

11 Meow Mix

The magic of the mix tape was described as a form of editing, and, introduced to me in the 10th grade. I like any good film, the cuts and had just changed schools, and splices should seem natural and go amongst greeting some new kids, nearly undetected. With that in mixed tapes were exchanged. It was mind, I’d like to add that PJ ends to become the tape that changed my with this smokey room fuzz sound life, an experience many have that precedes “Spiderman ‘79” by encountered but most have yet to Veruca Salt just sweetly. I have a discover. To receive a mix tape is to special place in my heart that I hold be offered the pages of your friend’s for Veruca. Veruca Salt was one of hidden diary. The music one choos- my high school bands. She crept es to listen to explains a great deal into a lot of emotional soundtrack of a person’s personality. A group of time for me during my “troubled songs formatted and restricted by teens,” so I am very nostalgic for time and order reveals more than a that musical time in my life - which verbal expression of one’s emotions brings me to the next musical diary and ideas at time of recording. And entry, Weezer, with one of their of course, recording a mix tape of sticky love songs, “Jaime.” I was your own, in return, is displaying going to continue with my nostalgic yourself in musical form for whoev- kick and end on some Nirvana, but er the cassette is decided upon. I I’ve already done that once before decided to write up a sort of making on a different mix, so I decided to of a mix tape as an example of the just end with a punch supplied by sort of steps and strategy that go in the rugged vocals and stiff riffs of to the mix-tape process. Reminder: I The Distillers raging “Distilla am simply displaying an example Truant.” Thus ends side A. and am in no way proclaiming to be I like to treat this time as a sort of the end all, say all in mix tapes. intermission. A time to stretch, Part of the charm is making a tape smoke another hit, or in this case, that is a signature all of your own. reapply the lip gloss rubbed off by First of all, before mixing, I like to the half-a-bag of chocolate chips I prepare a small bunch of supplies just devoured. Onto side B. The including (but not limited to); same question posted for the first chocolate, lip gloss, water or juice side also applies to side two. Do I (usually apple for me) and writing want to take it up slowly, or start utensils for the documentation. right in? Not wanting to fall asleep Now, do I want to start the tape off just quite yet, I decide to keep the with a bang, or ease into the rock party going with “Eat” by The slowly? I think a fun, poppy intro Skirts. I love my music collection. will start things off right. Anyone who’s had the patience (or “Eurodisco” by Bis gets it all start- the intrigue) to go through all my ed. The fun continues with That shit knows that I enjoy a very well Dog’s “Minneapolis.” (This song’s rounded assortment of music. great because it builds, so you stay Having a lot to choose from does interested in what’s coming up make it easier to pick the perfect next). I decide to keep up the flow songs out, but just like a painter has with The Rondelles’ “Please Shut a certain palate, it’s fun to create a Up” (no matter where I am or who new and exciting mix tape using the I’m with, I always play air guitar same colors as before. This mix has when I hear this song). The tape has been a blend of mostly turquoises been pretty up-beat until now, so I and blues. It’s time to rinse off my decide to ease up a little with Liz brush and douse my bristles into Phair singing “Don’t Have Time” red. for that kind of recording (much to the selected few, makes it on as song from the Higher Learning sound- Nikki and her red hot Corvettes my dismay) but Tuscadero with number six with “Get Real Paid.” track. What’s great about this song peel on with “Let’s Go.” Kim Lenz “The Swaye” fills in quite nicely for The Bangs bite back with “Tiger is it has a nice buzz. It won’t put you and her Jaguars twing and twang the SK. Beat” followed by Helium “Digging to sleep and it wont drive you crazy, with the “Devil on My Shoulder.” Right now you’re probably ask- a Hole in the Ground.” PJ Harvey so it makes for a good transitional And if those two didn’t get things ing yourself, “What’s up with all the brings her expertise to the mix with song. I feel like “Words and Guitar” hot enough, The Gossip shake their girl bands? Does she hate men?” “Working for the Man.” One of the by Sleater Kinney would follow Liz stuff while they’re “On the Prowl.” The answer to this is simple. No, I styles of mix tapes that I’m starting perfectly, but my copy of “Dig Me Moving on to a little orange now is do not hate boy bands, I’m just very to display here is a tape that goes in Out” is on vinyl and I haven’t yet Jucifer, “44:dying in White,” contin- selective about who I invite into my waves. A nice transition from light gotten my hook ups uing to Le Tigre and “Phanta” (yel- 12 music collection. Beck, being one of to heavy grooves. Mix taping can be low). It’s normally around now to lay down some Bjork and then (about a quarter ways through side some Bowie, but decided that both B) that I start to figure out where are too strong in character to bring this tape is heading and what it has together side by side. By already become - kind of like nurturing a outnumbering the boys twenty-three flower from seed to blossom. My to three, I went with David Bowie head is starting to clear (or maybe and his “TVC15.” Guiltiness still that’s just the drugs wearing off...). lingering from the prior Sleater Babes in Toyland say “Hello” and Kinney mishap, I bring this story to bring back the fury. Rasputina sings an end with the sugar and spice of some tales of old times about a “Milkshake ‘N Honey.” buzzing “Mayfly,” but their hum- Having listened to (and re-lis- ming cellos and purring vibratos tened to) the finished product, I am melt into The Cold Cold Hearts’ happy to reveal that this tape rocks! “Cute Boy Discount.” Team Now comes the tricky part - letting Dresch’s “Fagetarian and Dyke” go of the mix and picking the hands break some glass with Tracy of the tape’s final resting place. For Bonham and her “Navy Bean.” me, a mix tape is more than just (Hey boys! Come and play with music. It’s a collection of ideas and us!). Matt Sharp brings The Rentals feelings created by different people over with “The Love I’m Searching (or bands) who you choose to repre- For.” Slant 6 dive into “Eight sent those of your own. I feel more Swimming Pools” and Autoclave comfortable choosing someone who run through the land of “Dr. Seuss.” I know will acknowledge and enjoy Here we are introduced to a major what music I have to offer. After mix tape faux pas. (I wasn’t aware serious thought (and much internal of this until after reviewing the fin- argument), I’ve decided to give this ished product later in the evening). tape to one of my friends for her Two different bands, same lead birthday. We haven’t exchanged mix singer, but it works out fine because tapes in well over two years now, so the songs compliment each other this will make for the perfect occa- quite nicely. Fourteen songs down, sion. I made a cover that I’m happy only a few more to go. It’s kinda with, so all I have left is to pass it tricky to end a mix. You want to on... which I will be as soon as I fin- leave something the listener will ish listening to it in my car... remember and that will make a nice -Harmonee impact, but without overshadowing those previously listed. I was going Complete, Utter ReToddnation

He then asked for his camera bag back. I asked for the $24,000 he owed me. Neither of us got what we asked for. Sean was telling me about mon- in a band. Don't like crowds. Don't ly a quarter.). I don't want this to Flipside's stuff and didn't want to keys the other day. How some peo- like people I don't know recogniz- sound like an emo song, but music pay us. We took them to court after ple kill them. He wasn't talking ing me. But I love listening to and the very real culture it's steeped they failed to cough up a dime in about vivisection, medical experi- music, writing about it, filtering the in kept me fixed, resolute. At twen- eight months. We won the settle- ments, or the Animal Liberation world through it. Flipside helped ty-eight, I was sure that Flipside ment, and someone's lawyers ended Front. tons. I no longer had to buy used was my life - and that it would up getting all the money. I have no "Tribesmen would make a hole cassettes to affordably discover remain so for literally decades idea if Flipside saw a dime. I know in a rock. At the end of the hole, a new music. I worked a lot. I learned more. I could see no alternative. I'd I didn't and won't see a cent from little less deep than a monkey's a lot. Al Flipside seemed nice finished school. I'd worked enough the settlement. arm, they'd place some salt. enough - kind of a hybrid between jobs to know that being a tow truck When this started going down, Monkeys love salt. They smell it, Charlie Brown and Spock - but we driver and a coffee roaster had their Al and I would have long talks and crave it, and their instinct locks didn't have much in common. I limitations. I'd just as soon slit my I finally mustered up the courage to their paws around it. When that think we hung out, outside of wrists than punch a clock but I did- ask him for an equal partnership; to happens, they can't get their paws Flipside, a grand total of five times n't mind working so much I was lit- essentially start Flipside again as out. They're stuck. They won't let in as many years. erally getting sunburn from the rays two people, not the good ship go of the salt." Music was the salt. It's what kept coming out of the computer moni- Alyosius Kowalewski. I guess it I thought of the Simpsons me there. I mistook Flipside for my tor. The rock of salt got bigger. I should be noted here that Al didn't episode where Homer gets his hand passion. I mistook my job for my squeezed that fucker harder and pay me for the better part of the last stuck in the vending machine. I life. As with any type of drug, what harder, trying to make it crumble, two years I worked there in the think he's got a candy bar and the made me feel superhuman was also or compress it like coal to a dia- hopes that we'd stay afloat. (Fuck, machine falls down on him. Homer my wrecking ball. It's what made mond. Like some middle-eastern I'm no martyr, but I live simply. I wants the free candy bar really bad, walked to work. I lived in a base- enough to suffer some cranial dam- ment. All of my entertainment was age in the process. He won't let go. paid for. I wrote tons. All I had to "All the villagers do is go beat do was cover minimal rent and pay the monkeys to death. The mon- for gas to get to gigs. I saved what keys won't let go of the salt. They're little money I made for three years easy prey, an arm stuck in a rock... at $6/hour.) My thinking was sim- don't you see?" Sean said. "We're ple. Show Al that I was serious and all monkeys going after the salt. that I wanted to make Flipside the For some people, it's kids and a best magazine we could. I didn't house." want anything more in the world. It As with most things that change felt like my whole life - by little my perspective on life, I had to steps over a decade - was leading pause, reflect, and down a couple of up to what I was doing with that beers to get the right frame of mind. magazine. Sean wasn't just talking about mon- It wasn't about scene cred or keys, he was talking about humans. respectability or a name. It was He was talking about you. He was because I knew I could do it, that I talking about me. I know what a big loved it, and I was getting pretty hunk of salt in my life was. Flipside good at it. Fanzine. I gave everything I had to A digression. On a personal it for five years straight with too level, the preceding couple of years many fourteen hour days and six had been deep fried in a batter of day weeks to count. Although I'll shit. My grandma, the main reason do my share of blaming in what fol- I moved to California in the first lows, know this: I blame myself. place, died. My mom got cancer, Nobody else forced me to keep a The alternate Razorcake logo. Designed by David the exact same type that killed Tim hold of the salt. For better or worse, Guthrie Yohannon of Maximum one of my enduring talents in life is Rock'n'roll. Two of my favorite being able to sustain severe beat- me impervious to repeated beatings tantric thingamajig I've yet to learn ladies on the planet were either suf- ings. - financial (I was on a dirt poor, about, I found out that I was really fering or dead. The Dillinger Four Let's start at where this all began tuna fish diet for the last two years) crushing myself, not the salt. are right. "If there is a god, he's and where it'll all end. Music. I love and emotional (lost a girlfriend Rotz distribution (RIP, fuckers) either a bully or a dick." it. I don't have any musical talent, because she forced me to choose put Flipside through the ringer. No As a matter of fact, Dillinger and haven't lamented the fact since between her and the magazine. doubt about that. Rotz's owners, Four became my favorite band of my fifth music teacher wouldn't Come to think of it, if I had a nick- Kai and Agnes, rammed the flag all time in there somewhere. They even let me play the recorder (I got el for every time a girl who gave pole into us while waving the punk always make me think. One of their stuck on block duty). me the speech that punk rock's not banner high and furious. To make it song titles is "It's a Fine Line 14 Never wanted to be a way to grow up, I'd have... exact- real simple - they sold a bunch of Between the Monkey and the Robot." There's no monkeys or cial overhead, I started working on robots in the song itself, but a website with a long time, real damned if I didn't start feeling like smart friend, Skinny Dan. Now, he a monkey made out of nuts and and his wife kt, are the brains bolts. I was working like a behind the code and organization machine. I was beginning to feel of . It's coming like someone else's pet. The worst along pretty well. There's stuff on of it was that I had done it to there that won't be in this magazine myself, had given Al the leash. and visa versa. I laid it all on the table with Al My loving parents (still married last October. Equal partnership after almost 40 years) asked me with full financial disclosure or I'd along to fly out to visit my brother. get another job. Al didn't bat a lash When I was in the South, I hooked and told me it would be better if I up with another longtime friend, got a job until things blew over. I Sean. We hung out for a week. We asked him point blank if there were watched large tankers filled with any hard feelings and he said there sand dump their cargo along the weren't. I went to Tucson for a eroding shoreline from a port that week to work on a computer. the navy made so they could When I got back, the Flipside locks launch their Trident nuclear sub- had been changed. When I went to marines (and which Disney leased his house and asked him why, he so their cruise ships could visit the said, "I don't trust you." When I island that the mousketeers own) pressed him as to how or why, he up the way a bit from his house. replied, "It's just a feeling." He We found out that a stripper used then asked for his camera bag the monkey bars at her kid's back. I asked for the $24,000 he preschool to practice her pole owed me. Neither of us got what moves, which were very impres- we asked for. sive. One of the many things I like In my head, I freaked. I felt bolts about Sean is that he's easy going loosen and sheer off. I felt like I yet defiant. He's low key but he's was falling down. I couldn't distin- also one of the most articulate and guish very well when I was awake militant people I know, just by the and when I was asleep. This lasted fact that he'll tell you from so many about eight weeks. directions how popular culture is To say I don't harbor resentment little more than a huge shit on the would be a lie. To say that I don't head. And he'll make you laugh feel like he used me would also be when he does it. He brought it up a lie. The guy's going to use my that he'd move all the way from interviews and columns for the Florida to Los Angeles to start a next two issues of Flipside (if they print magazine up with me. come out.). I wrote Al three times Two months later, even after his to have him send me back my transmission failed in Alabama and material, to have him sign over a he read about bow hunting because music release that legally wasn't his books were in his truck on a his. Nothing. Not a call, not a letter lift, we moved in together and (and I'd even sent a SASE). The started on Razorcake Fanzine. last I've "heard" from him is that he Beaten within an inch of his life, cashed a check made out to my this little monkey let go his grip of name for freelancing work I do that his salt. It's kind of opposite to the a label mistakenly sent to the ending of "SLC Punk" (where a Flipside address. future lawyer with a funny haircut I seethed. I skated. I wrote. I mistakes being an asshole for a didn't sleep well. 12 packs would form of rebellion, sees the errors of disappear from the fridge nightly. I his childish ways, and eagerly slips was so lazy, I'd pee in bottles on the shackles that society has instead of walking upstairs to piss. slated for him because he "tested I watched TV without muting the its boundaries.") . I love music, commercials. I'd hit a low. more every day. Barring severe In effect, I was a monkey that head injury, I doubt there's going to had just gotten beaten by a villager be a day when I wake up and say, in a monkey suit. I thought he was "what the fuck have I been doing? a fellow monkey, someone just like I need to get a 'real' job." I just mis- me; in the same predicament. I took Flipside as the only job I couldn't let go - the salt. The fuck- could have. ing salt. Why'd they make music so Shit, for all I know, I might have tasty? Why do I need it for a just picked up another piece of salt soundtrack from the time I make and am waiting to get macheted by my coffee in the morning until I some more villagers. The big fall asleep reading a book at night? difference? The resentment to Al was sink- I gave Al back his piece of salt. ing me. I had to get salt of my own. This time I own some outright. I had to stick Al's salt up Al's ass and get along with my life. -ReTodd Shortly after, due to low finan- Nardwuar: Like, are you afraid he may rub cum all over the dressing room walls like you did to Kiss, causing Motley Crue to get kicked off a Kiss tour? Nardwuar: Who are you? fact that Snoop Dog smokes more Tommy Lee: Hoaah! Haha! fucking weed than I have ever seen [laughs] Who am I? Oh my god, I Nardwuar the on the planet. Uh, pretty mellow, am many, many things, my friend! like nothing, I couldn't really recall Nardwuar: You are Tommy Lee of Human any crazy moments. Really like a Methods of Mayhem! lot of fun, creative, like, you know, Tommy Lee: Yes, uh, I am many, Serviette we were getting high on the fucking many things! music, you know what I mean? Nardwuar: And Tommy, who else vs. More like that, more than anything, is in Methods of Mayhem? really. Tommy Lee: Uh, we got, oh my Tommy Lee Nardwuar: Tommy Lee of god, are you ready for this? Methods of Mayhem, [the song] Nardwuar: Bring it on! Bring it Anger Management: "I don't on! believe in the Public Eye/ Seems Tommy Lee: Are you sitting down, like 24/7 being watched by a spy. brother!? They're not news reporters/ They Nardwuar: I sure am! With my are full of bullshit!/ Being watched pen in my hand! by a spy." Now, I was wondering, it Tommy Lee: Okay! Uh, obviously, was reported a couple days ago that myself. you got kicked out of your house Nardwuar: Tommy Lee. with Pam, but you have said you Tommy Lee: Yes. Um, my fucking were not. Then yesterday, there was crazy fucking redheaded, dreaded, a news story on the newswire. I fucking hiphop motherfucker, Tilo. don't know if you saw this or not, Uh, Stephen Perkins from Jane's "Tommy Lee and Wife Face Addiction on drums. Ummm, Chris Dog-Bite Lawsuit." Cheney, who was in Alanis Tommy Lee: I know! I saw that! Morisette's touring band. Nardwuar: "Tommy Lee and his Nardwuar: A Canadian connec- wife Pamela Anderson are headed tion! back to court, this time over their Tommy Lee: Yes sir! Um, and also pet Rottweiler. A woman is suing another fellow Canadian, Kai, is on the couple, claiming she was guitar. He was from a band called synthesizers! made by NASA? bitten by the dog during a 1997 Noise Therapy... Nardwuar: But you had Scott Tommy Lee: Uh, no it wasn't. It visit to the couple's home near Nardwuar: From Vancouver, BC, Kirkland of the Crystal Method on was made by some people at a com- Malibu." Like, a dog bite lawsuit! Canada! doing vintage keyboards! pany called Show Staging, but it What the hell is going on here!? Tommy Lee: Yes sir! And also, um, Tommy Lee: Yes sir! was my idea, and me and this sort Tommy Lee:: I don't know. Mixmaster Mike from the Beastie Nardwuar: And you had the "Get of hydraulics specialist called Chris Nardwuar: I was curious, Tommy Boys! Naked" video! Peters, we just sort of started Lee, were you unknowingly - Nardwuar: You didn't even give a Tommy Lee: Mm hmm. dreaming about what it would be unknowingly!? - set up, perhaps by drumroll for that one! Nardwuar: Now, with Stephen like to fuckin' have the drums spin a record company, to help generate Tommy Lee: Br-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r! Perkins on drums there, are you around upside down, and we did it! publicity for the upcoming Shhhhh-crash! And, also, we've going to be drumming with him? Is Nardwuar: From the hard streets Methods of Mayhem tour? Like, sort of got like an opening revolv- it going to be like dual drums right of Covina, California to Methods of are they pulling these people. ing DJ door. It's DJ Shortcut who's up front? Mayhem! "Wassup G!" Snoop! Label Rep: Absolutely not! also, uh, a Scratch Pickle, so it will Tommy Lee: Mmm, yeah, it's Snoop! I can't believe it! Snoop Tommy Lee: [laughs] be, yeah! A couple of DJs, you fucking insane! Like, it's not your Doggy Dogg. Tell me about Snoop! Nardwuar: Are they pulling - hey, know. typical, like, "Okay, here's your...." Snoop! Like, recording with how the hell are you?! How the hell Nardwuar: So, Tommy, a few - it's not like your typical two drum- Snoop! That's incredible! are you?! Label Rep: Good, how years ago, there was a quote from sets sort of uh, you know, split Tommy Lee: Yeah! are you!? the Motley Crue camp - I don't apart, like we've all seen before. Nardwuar: What's that like, Nardwuar: It's the record compa- know if it was you or not, but, This is one toxic-looking, fucking Tommy!? What - was there any ny rep, listening on in our conver- "Keyboards and porno soundtracks insane, uh - it's a very large drum- Snoop moment that you remember? sation! But, um, I was just curious should be thrown in the garbage." set, one large drumset that two guys Tommy Lee: Mmm mmm. there, Tommy... Tommy Lee: Oooh. sit inside this pod, if you will. Nardwuar: Like when you first Tommy Lee: Noooo. Nardwuar: But now your doing it Nardwuar: Tommy, where do you came into the studio there!? Did he Nardwuar: But isn't it just crazy; in Methods of Mayhem! come up with this stuff? Like in tell you any good Dre stories? Tommy and wife face dog bite law- Tommy Lee: Yeah, but those aren't Motley Crue you had that caged Tommy Lee: Um, any deranged suit? keyboards. These are rotating drumset. Was that thing stories? Uh, well, other than the Tommy Lee: I know, this fucking 16 lady, I mean, like, a year and a half he may rub cum all over the dress- Tommy Lee! would be great to put 3 million into or so after the fact, she decides to ing room walls like you did to Kiss, Tommy Lee: [laughs] I'm driving promoting your record! sue us and it's like, uh, dude, you causing Motley Crue to get kicked this ship, baby! Tommy Lee: Yeah! [laughs] know what, that's why I call my off a Kiss tour? Nardwuar: [the song] "Get Nardwuar: And you are Tommy new band Methods of Mayhem Tommy Lee: [laughs] You know Naked" - "77 million made from Lee of Methods of Mayhem. Now, because it's always fucking like what, I just let him be himself, you watching me cum under the sun on Tommy, [the song] "Narcotic": this. It's a fucking nuisance, you know. He's a fucking, he's a great my vacation." But you didn't make "Are you ready? Are you ready for know? One day I hope, you know, I guy. He's definitely, he's got his one penny off that? the weekend?" Is that a reference to can just fucking come and go as I own style, and, uh, yeah he's a Tommy Lee: Nope. Not one. Zero. "Workin' for the Weekend" by please, and, uh, every time I fart, fucking wildman, that's why I love Zilch. Fuckin' nada. Loverboy, Tommy Lee? it's not in the fucking newspaper, him. That's the kind of energy you Nardwuar: The best part of that Tommy Lee: No. [laughs] Mine is you know. I just fucking yearn for video, Tommy Lee, is - I mean, actually "Are You Ready for the that day. It's not to mean that, you sure there's Pam, and there's all that Tweak End." Don't confuse me know, I mean, I would like it, cer- other excitement - but I think the with the Loverboy guys! tainly now. I'm not saying that I best part is when you "honk the Nardwuar: Well, Loverboy was don't like the exposure and the horn!" of the speedboat! When you from Vancouver, and you do sort of fans and all that shit. I love all take your cock out there, and you have some Vancouver connections. that, but god, if it was music dri- push the horn of the speedboat. Do Like you have your guitarist from ven it would be so much more fun you remember that? Noise Therapy,from Vancouver. than fucking every time you know Tommy Lee: Of course. And wasn't your first wife - before someone gets bit or someone farts Nardwuar: Did you rent or buy Pam and Heather - Candice, from it's in the paper. It's fucking stu- that speedboat? Surrey, BC? pid. Tommy Lee: Um, that was a rental. Tommy Lee: Uh, yeah, we used to Nardwuar: Tommy, are you Nardwuar: So did you, like, tell go out for a little bit. gunna teach Tilo the ways of the them that your cock-print was left Nardwuar: So she was your wife? touring with Tommy Lee? Like, on the horn? Tommy Lee: Uh, for like about 30 are you going to teach Tilo? Label Rep: Nardwuar!? days. Like he's your main man there Tommy Lee: [laughs] God damn Nardwuar: Wow, another with Methods of Mayhem. Will it! I would imagine they would Canadian connection. So there ever be another "spaghetti know by now if they've seen the Canadians can be proud. And, do incident," do you think? video! you know the name of the Tommy Lee: Ha ha ha! [laughs] Nardwuar: Tommy Lee of Canadian brand of the beer that Oh, lord, you know, I just know Methods of Mayhem, further on launched the career of your third we're going to have... probably the video there is a "Mayhem" tat- wife, Pamela Lee? one of the best times ever, you too prominently displayed on you Tommy Lee: Uh, Labatt's, I think. know? That's, that, we're not here in the video, and there is totally Nardwuar: Labatt's Blue! Tommy for a long time; we're here for a wild music going on in the back- Lee of Methods of Mayhem, so good time. That's my fuckin', Nardwuar: The best part ground which is complete fore- what's yer fascination with basically, you know, the lyrics shadowing, now that you have Vancouver girls? Like there's the that I live by, so... of that video, Tommy Lee, Methods of Mayhem with wild, song "Girls Girls Girls" that men- Nardwuar: But Tilo must have, is - I mean, sure there's crazy toons! What was the music tions the Vancouver club, The Body like, thousands of questions! Like Pam, and there's all that going in the background there? It Shop. What is the fascination? you've done twenty years of tour- was some craaaazy stuff! It was Tommy Lee: Um, I don't know, I ing, and he's, I don't know, he's other excitement - but I like "It's all good." Like, "It's all think at that time it was a time in pretty new on the block. Does he think the best part is when good." our life and I just decided to write ever come up to you and ask you you "honk the horn!" of Tommy Lee: That's MC Hammer, about it, you know? about... stuff, like, one thing I'm actually. That's one of my favorite Nardwuar: But you like the curious about, that Motley Crue sex the speedboat! When you songs that he ever did. Because it is Comox/Courteney area where contest, where you and Nikki Sixx take your cock out there, all good. Because every time, uh, Pamela is from? You know, here in had a contest to see how many and you push the horn of Pamela and I would go anywhere the Vancouver area... on Vancouver groupies you could "have" without and do anything, that was like our Island? The Comox Valley? bathing, and the only way you won the speedboat. Do you theme song, man. It was like, we Tommy Lee: Yeah, you know, I was because Nikki had spaghetti remember that? would both, you know, look at each spent a, a good day or two out in barfed on him while having sex other and just fuckin' be like "it's all the gardens. I think it was Butchart with a groupie, and, after making good." You know what I mean? Gardens? her eat it all up, he had to take a need on stage, you know. That's the Nardwuar: It's all Hammer Time! Nardwuar: Butchart Gardens! shower? Is that the "spaghetti inci- kind of energy people come to see, Tommy Lee: Well, I don't know Tommy Lee: Yeah, I just walked dent," Tommy Lee? so yeah, you know, I basically just about Hammer Time, but it's defi- around the checked out all these Tommy Lee: Yes, that was. let him do his thing, you know? I'm nitely all good, that's for sure. beautiful trees and plants and water [laughs] not going to be his dad. I'm not Nardwuar: Now, Tommy Lee, was features. It was beautiful. I thought Nardwuar: What, can you, I've, going to be anything but his friend. this whole video fiasco all Bret it was a really beautiful part of the I've only heard bits of it. That You know, we're just going to have Michaels of Poison's fault? country. sounds incredible! a good time, and take Methods of Because since he started flogging Nardwuar: That was totally amaz- Tommy Lee: It's, uh, it's a nice and Mayhem around the world, and his sex tape with Pamela, and it like ing. The one time I interviewed disgusting, filthy road story. No fucking tear it up. sold for 5 million dollars, the peo- Kurt Cobain, he actually mentioned more, no less. [laughs] Nardwuar: Well, Tommy Lee of ple who stole yer tape wanted to he went to Butchart Gardens as a Nardwuar: What's Tilo, your Methods of Mayhem, have you make bucks too? Was it Bret small kid! Kurt Cobain and Tommy co-conspirator in Methods of heard of the band The Donnas at Michaels' fault, Tommy Lee? Lee having something in common! Mayhem, like? Is he going to live all, from San Francisco? They cov- Tommy Lee: Uh, you know, I don't That's incredible! up to that? My god?! ered "Too Fast For Love." know too much about that. I've sort Tommy Lee: [laughs] Tommy Lee: Uh, this kid is fuck- Tommy Lee: Yeah, I heard about of kept my... distance. I know noth- Nardwuar: [the song] "New ing - uh [laughs] I don't know if I that. ing about that. That was before my Skin": "Now I'm shedding my should say this! [laughs] Uh... Nardwuar: And they spotted you time, man... skin... you gotta listen." Now, Nardwuar: Does he need to be driving the Methods of Mayhem Nardwuar: Because they put 3 Tommy Lee, will Mick Mars ever taught any manners? Is he a young tour bus. Now hold on! Why isn't million dollars into marketing your shed his skin and reveal his Tommy Lee? Like, are you afraid Tilo driving. Make him work there, video tape. That's pretty good! That Canadian roots? Isn't 17 he from Newfoundland? Tommy Lee: Yeah. Yeah. Um. I Tommy Lee: Uh, actually, you don't know. I just set out to do this know what? No, he's not. That was record for me. It's all about truth, just like a big trip, a big press you know? And I will always speak facade. Like, I think he's from the truth, you know? And some Indiana. [laughs] people might not like to hear it, but Nardwuar: Oh no! I'm going to fucking say it, you Tommy Lee: Yeah. [laughs] know. I just don't like the way, um, Nardwuar: Well, how much of I just don't like the way things are this was a facade? I mean, Methods reported. I think everything is sen- of Mayhem is totally real here, but sationalized just to get fucking rat- with Motley Crue, on the Shout At ings... The Devil tour and parts of Theater Nardwuar: But how about Motley of Pain tour there was a rumor that Crue on this record? Were there Nikki Sixx, Nikki Sixx! - Nikki any references to them? I looked was replaced with a double! Like closely, just wondering if there some guy from Erie, Pennsylvania were any, and if the Crue did from a band called Sixx Pack indeed tell you, "Hey, Tommy, dressed up as Nikki, cuz Nikki was you'd better not do this or we're too fucked up to go on tour. gonna, you know"? Tommy Lee: Uh, god, fuck, you Tommy Lee: No, there's no refer- know what, dude? I don't really ences whatsoever. want to talk about all that shit. It's Nardwuar: What do you think of all so old. I'm into, I'm onto some the rock'n'roll form know as new shit right now. Like those sto- "punk," Tommy Lee? What do you ries are all so old and tired. think of punk? Because you were Nardwuar: [the song] in the LA area. Did you ever see the "Hypocritical": "We Protest against Germs? their negative stress." Tommy Lee: [Silence. Line goes Tommy Lee: Yes. dead] Nardwuar: Now you have this [Three minutes later on Nardwuar's record with Methods of Mayhem, voicemail] Tommy, and we kinda got to refer Label Rep: Hey Nardwuar, I think to the Crue here slightly, but did Tommy's on his cell phone, and the they "blackmail you" into any- battery died. Um, so let me see if i thing, saying to you if you "talk can get him back on the phone. Ok, any shit about us, we'll let the call me back. Thanks, bye. world know, that Tommy Lee, uh, kicked my dog," etc., because there Check out weren't too many biting lyrics into for more your past relationships with the interviews! Crue on this particular release? , I’mI’mI’m AgainstAgainstAgainst ItItIt

...unless one of these "evangelists" has holes in the palms of his hands, he needs to worry about his own fuckin' life, not mine or anyone else's... If it's one thing I learned grow- Seduction" and "Media self... "Media Sexploitation" (the because you want everyone to know ing up as a little kid, it's to carefully Sexploitation" written by Wilson second book) deals more with com- why it tastes the way it does, ya give the once over twice to things Bryan Key, a very much accredited mercials, magazines, even MORE know what I mean? I actually began that reek of bullshit or seem just a university professor who has been ads, and some newspapers as well to understand some of the reasons little too far-fetched. Not to be studying this subject for years (the as a whole chapter on one of my why "The Exorcist" made my bow- overtly cautious or paranoid; just a first book of his came out in 1973, I favorite films of all time, "The els run cold to this day after reading bit more aware of the jive that float- believe) and I strongly recommend Exorcist." I had constantly heard in his findings on the movie. VERY ed (and still floats) around me. Over his books to any of ya who might the past that there was in fact a lot interesting read, folks, even if you the years, I've often found this prac- want to read up on the subject, as he going on behind the scenes in the aren't a fanfuck like me of the film. tice to exist in quite a few of fellow has become one of THE leaders in making of "The Exorcist" and had And if you ain't an Exorcist fan, family members in the punk/under- this field. The first book mainly always felt a lot of the findings to then I'm sorry - you just plain suck ground culture, so I soon learned deals with magazine ads and how have some truth being that some of - that's the way it is. I'm always rat- that I wasn't the only one. The main tons of them, mainly liquor and cig- the people who worked on the film, tling on explaining to folks that topic of this here column touches on what "The Exorcist" did for the that area of keeping your eyes open future of horror filmmaking is what - the slick trickery of subliminal the Ramones did for the future of practices in advertising and, sup- rock and roll - they both set the new posedly in some cases, some of the standard for the 100s to follow world's best known music. Even them. Any of Professor Key's books some motion pictures have been can be found in most bookstores or, found to be involved in this same as most people find things these practice of getting the audience's days, online. Way worth the pur- brain juice pumping. I'd like to chase price, folks - I can't empha- firmly remind any of ya reading that size this enough. there's some of these findings that I Another interesting (and almost strongly believe in, like the adver- ALWAYS entertaining) facet to this tising embedding because it's so phenomenon are the accounts of damn obvious and has been dis- backward masking done on records cussed about with the folks directly to "get evil into the minds of the involved, yet I honestly believe innocent and unsuspecting" and the some of the "professional" findings hidden artwork sighted on certain on the subliminal music mon- record covers as well as in artists keyshines are, well, just a little bit logos that are "just simply the work too fuckin' far out there; i.e., FULL of Satan.” Hee hee hee... I'm OF SHIT. already starting to get all fuckin' Add to that that the majority of giggly just thinkin' about it. If any- the salvation brigade squeezing the one who grew up in the ‘70s & ‘80s turds of "truth" out of their mouths on rock music, you'll remember the stinking up the air about the hidden scads of religiou$ organization$ on evils in "rock music" are Christian television who had those night-long snake oil salesmen to begin with, so specials on the "evils of rock music" you can see how they can take the and how they would go on to "prove ball and run like crazy with it (and I arette ads, have had the master like director William Friedkin, that the devil is afoot in your chil- stress the word CRAZY, here, peo- touch-up jobs within the pho- openly admit that there was a lot of dren's records - right in your own ple). Anyhow, my fascination with tographs to entice the unconscious visual as well as audio tooling home!" Man, I used to love and subliminal uses in the many forms reader's stimuli to pick the advertis- going on during the film's making - watch them pick apart everyone of media slapped me upside the er's brand of product when faced they never make no bones about it. from Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Black head while I was starting early on in with a purchase selection. It all His chapter on "The Exorcist" con- Sabbath, Kiss, Iron Maiden, and high school. I liked to check out and sounds WAY fucking out there, and firmed a lot of the rumors that had The Doors to bands like The Eagles, learn about things that weren't the that's exactly what I had thought at been circling it for so long. While The Police, Prince and even the norm and this seemed to strike me first when initially getting into his reading the chapter, Prof. Key noted soundtrack to the musical "Hair"! as one of them. In one of my photo books and findings, but after thor- that while he was free to write any- The funniest parts of those specials classes, our teacher had brought in oughly reading chapter after chap- thing he wanted about his findings were how they would single out a some slides and a few books that ter, some of the findings within on "The Exorcist," he was in no particular instance and overanalyze would forever change the way I these ad photographs stick out like a way to reproduce any photos or the shit out of it. (by the way, if any looked at ads in magazines or the neon sign, really. stills from the film itself. You really of ya out there have access to copies commercials I had been watching Doubting Thomas himself would can't blame Warner Bros. for giving of any of those shows, I'd gladly for years on television. have had the fucking rug pulled Key the legal warning - it's like pay for video copies - get in touch The books are right out from under him if he had a doing an article on Coke or Pepsi with me through Razorcake - I need 20 called "Subliminal chance to read these books him- and asking to print the secret recipe to piss my pants laughing while showing these shows to some when you tell the whole story - just are knocking boots with the likes of even more amusing is that all who friends.) like anything else. women that resemble strippers? have tried have been denied court One of these instances that sticks I ain't completely denying the And, no - they ain't married to 'em, awards every time. I can picture it with me to this day is how they fact that some of the backwards by the way. Hmmm, I guess that now - Larry May (Candy Snatchers' showed a short clip of Jim Morrison masking instances don't exist, but would be considered just as much a vox) telling the judge on the witness getting down and taking control on when they'd get on a roll with 'em, sin as us "heathens" who haven't stand - "Well, your honor, we told stage while belting out some vocal especially the notorious ones like been "born again." Come to think of the idiot out in the audience to come wailing and droning, like he was Led Zeppelin (their fourth LP w/ it, a lot of these "evangelists" live party with us during our tune, often noted for doing live. These "Stairway To Heaven") and The life pretty close to the likes of the "Drunken Blur,” but we didn't force fucking idiots on the show said that Beatles (“The White Album” with same rock bands they are so desper- any booze or drugs into his mouth - Jim was "being inhabited by unholy the "Number 9" buzz), suddenly ately trying to "save." Kinda makes he croaked it on his own will - the demons live onstage" and that he EVERYTHING that looks or one wonder, ya know? To me, unless fuck you want me to do about did this to "beckon the evil spirits sounds remotely devilish to these one of these "evangelists" has holes it?...or how about this - Joey that be to gain attention and minds people contains evil messages hid- in the palms of his hands, he needs Ramone up on the witness stand of his audience.” The clincher of den backwards in the grooves of the to worry about his own fuckin' life, explaining to the judge about the this clip was after they explained LPs... two words to these people- not mine or anyone else's... song "Now I Wanna Sniff Some what you were "witnessing" Jim fuck off. Sorry to go off an a tangent, but Glue" - "Look, yer honor, when we doing, they cut to a snippet of an Why don't we talk about some it always seems to be these bible- wrote this song, it was about us and interview with Ray Manzerek, The GENUINE evils - like how much thumpin' types that are the ringlead- our stupid experimentation with Doors' keyboardist, and Ray went money is made through these ers of righteousness when it comes sniffing glue - the kid we're talking on to explain how "Jim was pos- Chri$tian television networks - to crusading against the so-called about here today who died doing sessed, man - he was a shamen.” where is all that money going? I "evils of rock.” The thing I find the same glue huffin' happened to Then they cut back to these people sure as shit don't see it helping out even more interesting (and funny) is be as stupid as we were, but not as on the show and they're shaking the REAL unfortunate people in that these people or any other of the lucky to live, ya know?" Man, now their heads, sobbing that Morrison's this country, like the seriously dis- organizations never go after bands THAT would be a laugh riot to own band member admits his singer abled, the war vets or retired folks like The Candy Snatchers (fucking watch on the evening news - "Drug- was in cahoots with Satan himself. who can't even afford to buy some RULE), The Humpers (RIP), or crazed band of punks claim the life If those assholes would have played fucking groceries, unless you count even the older, past punk prototypes of innocent young teen... more on the WHOLE interview clip with the "unfortunate" fucks from these like the Ramones or the Dead Boys. this late-breaking story at 10.” Ray (and it's a popular interview organizations who have yet experi- I think the main reason they won't Well, I hope the first installment that has been shown quite a lot), ence the pleasure of hillside man- (and can't) go after bands of this of this here column has been of they would have seen that Ray was sions or garages filled with hun- caliber is 'cause these groups ain't interest to some of you readers. Feel talking about how Jim would work dreds of thousands of dollars worth got a damn thing to hide - and these free to drop me a line here at himself up into a psychotic frenzy of cars (and let's not forget the outfits would tell anyone straight Razorcake or email me directly at onstage when the band would build cocaine in some instances) thanks out that they have nothing to hide . New up a roaring wall of sound and just to their networks "spreading the before burying a foot in the accus- and existing bands that RAWK are let it blast and also how Jim would word and saving the non-believers.” ing party's ass. Besides, why would encouraged to let me know what groove himself into a trance-like Did God tell these "unfortunate" some parents try and go after a band they've been up to. ‘Till then, keep state while performing impromptu network wads to spend like kings like The Candy Snatchers with a asking all the questions that make vocal jams onstage as the rest of the and do so? They'd probably tell you lawsuit for their kid's suicide when the people with the answers band played on during an extended that to yer face. To me, brother, they can shoot for the big bucks by squirm... bridge of a song or whatnot... It THAT is fucking evil as all hell. And taking bands like Judas Priest, -Designated Dale really DOES make a difference what about these evangelists who Ozzy, or AC/DC into court? What's

Exclusive Razorcake shot of Linda Blair getting twisted with The Ramones. 21 The fact that there have supposedly been two attempts on his life in his first month in office, it becomes patently clear that we may have elected the right man Greetings, Salutations and "don't worry, be happy" attitude of His father, once a president him- the nation's richest citizens, Related Silliness the general public during the self and former director of the promised to open one of the last First of all, I'd like to personal- Clinton era, the average punker CIA, has had the word "murderer" virgin pieces of land on the planet ly welcome you all to the pre- has turned his sights away from occasionally mentioned in the in Alaska to oil drilling (being an miere issue of "Swedish Fish the things that adversely affect the same breath as his name, thanks to oil man, anyone wanna bet on Erotica," the only mag in the world around him and, instead, his involvement in efforts to fund who stands to gain most from this world that caters to those of us has opted to focus on how rad his right wing "freedom fighters" in move?), cut abortion funding to with truly "specialized" tastes, if plastic personality girlfriend is, Nicaragua by selling arms to other foreign countries and, in an appar- you know what I mean. I hope how partying is cool, and essen- "hostile" countries (not to mention ent attempt to show the world you are all as excited as I about tially adopted the very value sys- rumored drug sales to his coun- who's boss, bombed Iraq again. the features that have been jam- tem that punks were supposedly try's own people), among other He also seems to have some diffi- packed, sans Vaseline, into these rejecting all those years ago. The things. Both can credit their privi- culty formulating a coherent soon-to-be very sticky pages. only way punk rock can truly be lege and wealth to their involve- thought without the use of a Might I suggest you skip all the saved from the black depths in ment in the oil business. teleprompter. usual drivel associated with publi- which it currently resides is a According to a recent segment on When you add to the equation cations of this ilk and head good, hard look at how lousy life "World News for Public the fact that there have supposed- straight for the spread on page 17, is behind the television nipple at Television," George Jr. did fuckall ly been two attempts on his life in entitled "Leprechaun Lust," which which its acolytes so frequently for the state of Texas during his his first month in office, it features a couple of handsome feed. To achieve this, the God of tenure as its Governor, except to becomes patently clear that we dwarfs in green suits gettin' jiggy Punk called upon his followers back legislation that favored sup- may have elected the right man. with some prime, grade-A sea over the age of 18 to vote for the porters and friends in some way or We could very well have the mak- bass on the moonlit shores of most racist, war mongering, queer another. He also fried his fair ings of the perfect asshole we Pacoima… bashing, gun toting, true gem share of convicted felons with need to tighten enough screws to Okay, some guy named Todd among sons of bitches that they astonishing regularity. give the nation's (not to mention has just informed me that the could find to serve as this coun- It's almost surreal that a person the world's) great unwashed punk name of the magazine this will be try's president. of such high caliber could be rock hordes enough truly mean- in is Razorcake, that its focus is Well, he has since sent word to elected as a member of the Hank ingful things to bitch about that on music, and that is not intended me (via email) that he would like Williams, Jr. fan club let alone they will no longer need to sing to satiate the fetid, fetishistic fan- to thank you all for your efforts. leader of the free world. Yet, when nauseating, ska-tinged odes to tasies of all the pathetic poisson He understands that the choice for you've got a daddy as powerful as their girlfriends or the healing pervs residing outside of France's outright bigoted freaks was dis- his, a résumé that includes one of powers of the herb. borders. In other words, we're all mally small (although he does America's most prestigious I'm personally sweating in shit outta luck, kiddies. You can acknowledge the efforts of his schools, money coming out of gleeful anticipation at how good all go back to reading this rag with Florida disciples and their votes your ears, corporate media back- music, art, magazines and books both hands, 'cause it looks to be for Pat Buchanan. Hey, we all ing and a brother who, in what has are going to get. If all goes well like another lonely night. know that they weren't really tak- to be one of history's most suspect during Dubya's tenure with ing Gore into consideration), but, examples of coincidence, happens regards to war, police abuse, Hail to the Chief given the choice between a to be the governor of the one state assaults on anyone who is not In a not-so-recent column for Disney animatronic nightmare you need to put you over the top, white, heterosexual and god-fear- another magazine, I recounted a with a penchant for lying through you could probably be named ing, increased amounts of crip- vision I had in which the spirit of his teeth and a low-grade moron emperor of the universe if that pling drugs into inner-city, pri- Jimmy Stewart instructed me to who happens to be a member of was your bag. marily minority neighborhoods relay a personal message from the one of the most dangerous fami- As of this writing, Junior's been and other general naughtiness, I God of Punk to his legion of fol- lies in American history, you have in office a total of one month and just may vote to reelect the guy. lowers. chosen the better (or worse, he's already been a busy little bee. Considering all the increasing ten- Assuming that the majority of depending on your point of view) He's filled his cabinet with a sion that's been going down in the you didn't read it, it boiled down of the two. bunch of daddy's old buddies, Middle East lately and the fact to this: The reason punk rock has The greatest thing about Dubya many of whom were the architects that U.S. just has to stick its hypo- become the dung heap that it is is (as his supporters like to call him) of the Gulf War, particularly of critical nose into the fray when its because of a considerable lack of is that he's living, breathing proof note being the naming of a retired corporate interests are even noticeable oppression in this that the jocks and frat boys always general (who once denied that remotely threatened, I wouldn't be country. Sure, things are really not win, primarily because they've got there were any atrocities being surprised if we found ourselves that much better than they were the deck stacked in their favor. committed by U.S. soldiers in out in the middle of some other back in punk's "golden years," The man was, by most accounts Vietnam two months after that lit- continent killing off the native but, thanks to the amassing of I've heard, an average student who tle shindig in My Lai) as Secretary population by the early 2002. considerable amounts of "stuff" preferred to drink the night away of State. He's named an alleged The future looks very bright for by the typical Joe, the co-opting and allegedly shovel Colombia's racist Jesus freak as his Attorney punk rock, kiddies, at least for the of the media by corporate interests primary export into that upturned General. He's aggressively back- next four years. 22 and the abhorrent nose with his fraternity brothers. ing a tax cut that will most benefit The God of Punk is pleased. Blah Blah Blah mating to your new surroundings, that my girlfriend, Karla Perez- Speed's back. Spridle sits in the Rapper Eminem has been in a I'll be happy to lend you my pyra- Villalta, bestowed upon me that trunk, where he belongs. maelstrom of controversy for a mid-shaped tent, patchouli scent- most sacred of objects, Speed That should about do it for while now, mainly due to lyrics ed crystals, personal list of the Racer's Mach 5. I know of no now. Tune in next issue, when my considered by some to be homo- city's best plastic surgeons and my greater indicator of true love. No column will consist of the word phobic and misogynistic. As I .45-caliber "freeway problem longer will I have to jump onto "bitch" printed 12,000 times so write this, protests are being solver" until you get your bear- the couch in emulation every time that none of my more prudish planned for the Grammy Awards, ings, mate. I watch his exploits. Now, I mere- and/or politically correct friends where he is nominated for various Thanks to Todd for being Todd. ly have to place the "Speed" doll will be able to read it. awards and is scheduled to per- Sorry we missed your birthday into the driver's seat as the theme I'm a little airplane, form with Elton John. Other soiree. blares from the television. Chim- -Jimmy Alvarado artists, including Madonna, Stevie I would like the world to know Chim rides shotgun, watching Wonder and Elton, defend Eminem, saying that he is free to say whatever he wants. You know, free speech and all that. Now, I'm am by no means Mr. PC and I wholeheartedly embrace the rights of Eminem, or any other person for that matter, to say whatever they feel like saying (I just personally wish the guy could at least make his music somewhat interesting), but I am curious as to where Eminem's high-profile defenders would draw the line. What if he made derogatory remarks toward specific ethnic groups, replacing his liberal use of the word "fag" with "nigger," or "kike?" What if, instead of fanta- sizing in his music about blowing his wife's brains out, he gleefully sang about tying a black man to a truck, dragging him around and then setting his body on fire? How many of these defenders of free speech would then jump to his defense? If David Duke or some other outspoken member of the Ku Klux Kiddie Klub could hold a decent tune, would Elton or Gloria Estefan sing a duet of Skrewdriver's "White Power" with them? What makes a violent- ly anti-homosexual or anti- woman song any different from one that is violently anti-Swede or anti-midget? I'm just wonder- ing… In recent graffiti news: The city of Los Angeles has been plagued recently by the work of a person going by the name of the "Mustache Bandit." This individ- ual is allegedly responsible for putting mustaches on the city's advertisements and brazenly tags his/her nom de guerre to his/her work. Witnesses have testified that this scoundrel's greatest achievement thus far has been to mustachio a supermodel's image on a huge billboard overlooking the Sunset Strip. Authorities are stumped as to what sort of maniac could be behind such heinous crimes. We here at Razorcake would like to say that anyone with information regarding who this person could be should go fuck themselves. A warm welcome to sunny California is extended to Mr. Sean Carswell. If you need help accli- Soon as that camera goes off, he gonna fuck that fish. 23 From this point on, Earth has been a whole new rock

The Dinghole Reports drinkin' shit shakes are about as er objects into my dinghole, and, & #2) by the Rhythm Chicken shocking as the rest of that counter- above all, victorious tales from the While passing through Titletown, (commentary by Francis Funyuns culture you blindly propagate. battlefield. These are the Dinghole USA, I remembered that evening's edited by Dr. Sicnarf) Grab a carret and pull up a chair! Reports. big rock show and thought Green Stretch out your dinghole and Bay would be the perfect place to Ruckus. Plain and simple. 6 let- Coleman beware! I have found one (Alright, Chicken. You're boring nest for the night. That night Face ters, 2 syllables, my mission state- true way to celebrate ruckus in all them. Get to the reports already! to Face and the Alkaline Trio were ment compressed into one ding- of its forms. In my quest to raise a - F.F.) performing at the Concert Cafe. I tweaking word, ruckus. As the ruckus I have embraced sheer anticipated a line of ticket holders Happy Schnapps Combo would organic lunacy in the form of Fine! That Mr. Funyuns, I tell ya. around the block come door time, a say, "Raise it!" Raise a ruckus! All mankind's final superhero, the He puts out seven meager Rhythm captive audience to witness the your Manic Panic and all your neo- Rhythm Chicken. Here you can Chicken newsletters and he thinks hatching of the Rhythm Chicken. political ideologies don't mean turd keep up to date with my "Boycott he can tell ME what to do!...... The drumset (herein referred to as if you don't act on instinct on a gut- Cadbury" campaign, my direct So ON TO THE REPORTS! the Chicken Kit) was untrunked tural level. Shove that metaphori- philosophical contrast to the words Dinghole Report #1: the hatching and set up on the sidewalk across cal wire brush up the dinghole of and actions of Gary Coleman, my of ruckus. Main Street from the anxious con- society! Cosmetic impalings and lifelong quest to fit larger and spici- (Rhythm Chicken Sightings #1 cert line. They observed the set-up and scratched their heads reading the bass drums "Rhythm Chicken" logo. I sat at the thrown and took a deep breath before pulling on the chicken head. The happy-hour Pabst in my gullet was bubbling in tingly anticipation. The head went on and, already, people cheered. Then it began, the first ever open- ing drumroll! Like a call-to-arms, it heralded the other happy-hour drunks out of the Speakeasy Tavern next door, and the gay bar, and the Mexican restaurant, and Jake's Pizza, and the porno shop, and the strip club (God, I love Green Bay!), and the sidewalks filled with Americans of all walks, awe-strick- en at the sight of lunatic ruckus. Soon began the rhythms, the drum- beats born from Pabst, cheap gin, social absurdity, and an undying urge for mayhem. Traffic stopped. Concert-goers danced. Cars honked. And, above all, the crowd went ape! The bands trickled out of the venue to see for themselves and realized that the show had been stolen. From this point on, Earth has been a whole new rock. After that monumental debut gig, I found my way back to the free happy- hour pizzas and Pabst on tap. Later, during the post-concert tav- ern social, I was befriended (out of pity, I'm sure) by the Alkeline Trio. They talked me into one more gig. It was now raining out, but the nee- dle on my Pabst-o-meter was in the red! Terminal ruckus ensued as the drunks poured out once again to witness the Rhythm Chicken, only this time he was playing on the (Oh, you're just jealous because Dinghole Report #3: Winter pensed (God, I love Wisconsin!). island in the middle of Main Street he's got a bigger dinghole than you! Games 2001 Since my road crew declined from with honking traffic whizzing by - F.F.) (Rhythm Chicken sighting #174) working this tour, I recruited a sled him on both sides! He was... to pull around the Chicken Kit on Yeah, well if I had Snuffy's trunk to Two weeks ago I found myself at the ice and snow, calling it the (Hey Chicken! You're talking do my dingstuffing with it would my favorite Wisconsin festival, the Rhythm Chicken Sin Sleigh of about yourself in the 3rd person! be a different story! Fish Creek Winter Games. Way Ruckus! The final tourstop was, of What's with that? - F.F.) course, the BEER TENT! I set up just outside the What the hell are you, the tent opening, right next to grammar cops? Jeez! Ok, the snowmobile raffle! Ok, onward and downward. As the opening drumroll Dinghole Report #2: the commenced, beergutted Francis Creek incident festival-goers poured out (Rhythm Chicken sight- of the tent and just ing #7) wailed! A Rhythm Two days after the hatching Chicken chant began as I I was heading north after was showered with frozen Milwaukee's "Count Your beer and wool panties! Eggs Tour" and saw the This was my 2nd annual highway exit sign for Winter Games perfor- Francis Creek. I figured mance and the fans knew that they deserve ruckus the ruckus to be had! rhythms just as much as Dancing, yelling, photo- those Green Bay and taking, chanting, taunting, Milwaukee scum. Upon dinghole stretching, sheer entering town i saw the sign ruckus! After the "Francis Creek population Chicken Kit was trunked I 263". About 5 blocks later I found my way to Fish found myself in cow fields Creek's Bayside Tavern again and turned around for some complimentary back into town. The sign on beer and brat-burgers. It THAT side of town said was a cold tour, but the "Francis Creek population pay was good! 252!" I knew I was in the right town! After finding (Well, kids, it looks like the town park I set up the the Rhythm Chicken has Chicken Kit and looked left it up to me, Francis around. Not one person was Funyuns, to close his to be seen in any direction. debut installment of the Oh why the hell not! The Dinghole Reports. head went on, the opening Remember to boycott drumroll rumbled, the beats Cadbury, reject Gary were pounded out, and still I Coleman, fuck the saw no one. I considered it Sheppard Express, fuck a practice session until I Big Bird, and keep them started to tear down and saw dingholes a strecthin'! about 10 kids BEHIND me If you would like to on dirtbikes! They backed receive free issues of away once realized and had "Follow that Bird", the 1st a look of immense bewil- psuedo-official Rhythm derment. They had just wit- Chicken newsletter, or nessed a grown out-of-town just wanna say "hey, what stranger playing the drums the fuck ARE you?", just in their park wearing a big drop an electronic insult chicken head... by rhythmchicken@hot- ....TO NO ONE! One little mail.com. Submit your tyke mustered up enough postal address to the mail- courage to inquire, "Who ing list. Join the hundred! are you?" I paused and then Till nest time (yes, nest answered him, "I am the time), this is Francis Rhythm Funyuns saying CAR- Chicken...... uh...... Don't RITS TO YOU! -F.F.) do drugs!" Seconds later, the Chicken Kit was trunked [Did this make sense to and I was northbound on I- ANYONE? What the hell 43. am I supposed to do with THIS?!!! Dr. S.] (And you thought BIG BIRD was out on the frozen bay, drunken corrupting our youth! - F.F.) (Come on, Chicken! You're wast- Wisconsinites compete at ice vol- -Rhythm Chicken ing Todd's valuable text space here! leyball, ice bowling, the bike toss, Hey, Funyuns! Don't you dare Next report! - F.F.) the ol' "icicle up the dinghole" con- bring up that big stupid ass-fuck in test, and other various twisted my presence ever again! Funyuns, I'll deal with you events, between visits to the bigtop later...... you AND Gary Coleman! where beer and bratwurst are dis- 25 The Twisted Balloon

My cranky, aging punk side brought up that while some co-workers would not have dared to enter "the pit," this bouncing crowd was to me a friendly party, not holding a candle to the late ‘80s frenzies of New York hard- core and thrash, or the jock core dork kick dancing I have to deal with back home.

My day job since April has been has one movie you pay to hear, per night than any place I would working for "The Truth" (the anti- crappy food, and pay for drinks. normally stay (and even with that, big-tobacco campaign). It's a good Virgin had six channels of movies my 40 motel experiences were only job that gives me all the advantages and shows (“Simpsons,” “King of if I couldn’t find a couch or floor to of selling out without selling out, a the Hill,” weird indie stuff) on per- crash on.). decent paying job with excellent sonal TVs, and liquored us up. Having already talked with Bill benefits, and encouragement to Flying over the Great Lakes. I don't about how strange it was that a 40 give a few companies hell. I was care what anyone says, these things dollar Best Western would have a sent with a bunch of my coworkers are oceans. pool and breakfast bar and a 120 to Seattle for a youth summit that With Seattle being considerably dollar fancy place doesn't, Bill Truth was putting on. I specifically north of Boston, and it being close informed me that there was indeed was going to teach kids how to put to the summer solstice, the sun was a breakfast buffet. together a zine. Here is a brief run- setting at the unthinkable hour of I was in the hall, I had eaten two down of the trip... 10:30 pm. Which was 1:30 am to slices of cantaloupe, had cream me. Bizarre. cheesed my bagel and was getting I wrote this on a lined pad. I was I woke up Friday Morning my coffee together when a well a bit excited. At the last minute I around 8ish? 9ish? I don't know. dressed man, probably my age, realized that a lined pad would pro- Don't remember. The morning came out of the adjoining confer- vide much needed order to my shower, which I usually don't take ence room. (Seems the place was messy handwriting and I would be except for hot summer days, being mostly a set of meeting rooms with able to get more writing on each a before-bed man myself, was eas- a dozen overnight rooms for con- page. ily the best shower I have ever venience). We exchanged pleas- It is maybe 3:30. I am an hour taken in terms of water pressure antries, and he asked if I was going and a half early to check in for my and quality. Afterwards, I had seen to help out with his meeting. flight to Seattle. I expect to have that I had a message, from Bill "Huh?" I asked lots of down time to write on this Hollister, another copywriter on "Well, you are eating the food trip. Of five summer trips, this the Truth campaign. He had for our seminar, so maybe you'd looks like it will be the least excit- secured better accommodations want to contribute." ing. and suggested that I do as well. I could have argued that serving Logan airport, Boston. Looks The thing was that there were food in front of the room I slept in and feels and acts like an airport. three hotels our group was staying means I get to eat it, but he wasn't Everyone seems to have a hand- at. Most were downtown at the trying to, and I doubt he would rolled suitcase and a cell phone, "W," some were at the Edmond want it if he did try to take away and I wish I could say I wasn't one Meany across from the University my light sweet coffee and half of them. of Washington, and a few of us eaten bagel, but still, I felt stupid The guy in front of me at the were at the Aljoya Conference (and proud - score one for the ATM (I had the typical last minute Center: a nice place to stay if you working man!). "maybe I should have more cash on were on a quiet retreat and wanted Bill and I split a cab to our me" thought) was wearing a blue to meditate or write a book, but not hotels. The Aljoya had a nice polo, a white baseball cap, and Gap where you want to stay if you were locale, but the Meany had a sky- khakis. He had a Niketown bag in going to attempt to enjoy Seattle scraper view and in-room one hand and a Starbucks frap- for the city. It also was some ways Nintendo! I unpacked for the sec- pachino in the other. As if to shout away from the actual summit, ond time in twelve hours and went to the world "I am lame and proud! which is what the whole point of down to the summit. It took maybe I support the whitebread generic being in Seattle was, so we felt ten minutes room to room. lifestyle of the American Empire!" somewhat banished to the waste- I was later to find out that my Does he really know that it is his land. hotel room was only booked for fault that the world is in such a bad With a quick phone call, I two days. I called the Aljoya to see state? wound up getting a room at the if I could have my room back in It just hit me that most people Edwin Meany Hotel, a really nice two days, but it turned out that they have these hand wheeled-suitcase art nouveau building in the cool only had me booked for two days things as their carry-on luggage. used record store part of town, when I was there. Between our My wheeled thing was my luggage across from the university, where thing and the Experience Music more rugged of a traveler. luggage. My carry on is my courier the summit was. I would endorse Project opening and a few other I have decided almost immedi- bag. This pleases me as it makes the place if it wasn't for the fact things, all the hotels were booked. ately that Virgin Airlines kicks me feel somehow that it was a good 80 bucks more I wound up being able to stay in 26 American Airlines' ass. American my room no problem at all, but I mostly because it was nice to have in rooms filled with 1,000 other had two days of having no idea some sense of a home base, and kids and given a free Blink 182 where I was going to stay. went back to the summit. We were show before putting them in dorms As the zine track teacher, being then shuttled to "the hangar," together. Many of them were away there for a specific point, I didn't which was a former airplane from home for the first time, and apparently need to be at the orien- hangar (heck, maybe it still is one). many of them were several time tation meeting thing for the kids, This was the entertainment HQ for zones away. I doubt if any of them but I was glad I could help out the event. We had dinner (BBQ) in got any sleep at all. So at 10 am or where I could and it helped get me a tent outside while Truth people so, there wasn't much hope for a in the correct mind set. For the gave speeches. We then went in for tentative audience, except for a few most part, I helped do stuff like the multimedia extravaganza and kids that were obviously the ones insert t-shirts and stickers into the some words from Chuck D. Then who needed the track the least courier bags we were giving out to came the headliner. because they were already doing the kids. Wow, I never had any- So I am sitting on bleachers stuff like that. thing like this when I was a kid. watching Blink 182. My options One girl already had a column Not only did they get a free week- are to sit with a bunch of grownup in the LA Times. What do I teach end, but they also got courier bags, office workers who think that someone who has a column in the a few t-shirts, bracelets, travel Blink 182 is too loud or go dance LA Times? alarm clocks that look like imacs or with punk activist kids who think Basically, we set the kids on var- something out of Star Trek, that they are too poppy. Basically it ious art and writing projects and I comics… so much cool stuff. comes down to dancing being mostly helped them when they had Lunch was provided; picnic type more fun than not dancing, and I questions. I was exhausted myself stuff. Make your own sandwich, was able to crowd ride in a group and wasn't in the most constructive salad, stuff like that. Not too much of people without a single cigarette mood, but I think I played it off. emphasis on catering to the vege- or glass object to damage me. On Ian was amazing with the kids and tarians, but enough for anyone to one level, I felt old, being about ten helped inspire me. A few kids -18- get a good meal without eating years older than anyone else, but year-old punkish artists and writers meat. I thought vegans would be young that I still would do this. My - identified with me and I with doomed, but heard no complaints. cranky, aging punk side brought up them, but it was weird, since I had There were a few types of brown- that while some co-workers would to remain professionally distant, ies, and at least two of them made not have dared to enter "the pit," even though I have similar friends the trip worthwhile in and of them- this bouncing crowd was to me a back home. selves. friendly party, not holding a candle Dinner was another huge group After I was done doing shitwork to the late ‘80s frenzies of New event. I had fish. I haven't eaten (which is very tolerable when it is York hardcore and thrash, or the fish much in my life, but have been what you are asked to do for a few jock core dork kick dancing I have eating it more this year since I am hours, not what you have to do for to deal with back home. having the worst time going vege- a living) I was set free, as there was Later, I found myself being the tarian. I am aware of why I should really nothing for me to do. I went most sloppily dressed person at the be, and would like to be, but just back to the hotel, exchanged stuff W Bar with many of my cooler can't get that excited about it. for other stuff, and wandered the coworkers and new boss, Roger Eating fish seems a good compro- area. A few decent thrift shops - (who looks older than me, but not mise. The meal as a whole was nothing so great I needed to buy by much, certainly not looking like more of a social event than yester- anything, but places I would have a boss.). Most of the other patrons day's dinner - people had made shopped a lot had I lived in Seattle. were expensively (not tastefully, friends and there wasn't that clum- Between two record stores I spent just wearing major label crap) sy “who to sit with?” awkward several hundred bucks but got dressed and acting drunk and stu- feeling. every single thing I had been look- pid and exhibitionistic. They Some time after dinner, I left to ing for for months - including reminded me of high school kids walk to the show. The directions Apocalyptica (the all-cello who take limos to concerts or the were simple, a few turns near my Metallica cover band), Choking prom. hotel and get onto Eastlake. The Victim, Daisy Chainsaw (which Saturday it rained for about ten club was at the other end of was lost in the divorce), and a minutes - just enough for me to Eastlake. I gave myself an hour to bunch of Boston band CDs that are bring a raincoat that gave me make it (and I had busses passing if impossible to find locally, but were something bulky to deal with the I changed my mind and worst case, in dollar bins out there. Having rest of the hot humid day. I miss part of the opener). Some scored everything I had been crav- Strangely, despite Seattle's cof- thought me mad to go for an hour ing, I vowed to stop CD shopping fee reputation, it is almost impossi- walk, but I know others (my old lest I return to an empty bank Rockabilly-before-the-big-rocka- ble to find coffee when you actual- friend Mike Mullarkey, of "It's Not account. billy-revival band. You Will Know ly need it. Hot Enough!" zine and other stuff) I did check out the cool stores Us By The Trail Of The Dead also I met Ian from a partner compa- would be proud. for flyers and cool people, seeing lived up to expectation. So Raft of ny. He and I would work together I was so happy I walked. I saw what I could do in Seattle besides Dead Monkeys were promising. the whole weekend to the extent things that I don't think even the work stuff. I saw that Bloodhag Most people, or at least the that by the time I left I felt like I locals reflect on. It was a beautiful was playing, which made me punkish, artsy cool store employ- had known the guy for years. He street; mountains on one side, the happy. I had heard they were great, ees I talked with were friendly and made a zine mockup that made me river on the other. While crossing a and one opening band was called without attitude. Oddly, most had feel redundant, but he kept telling bridge, I could see snow-capped Raft of Dead Monkeys, which no idea of where anything was me that he knew nothing and I was mountains on the horizon, lit by the worked on my “Worth Seeing by since they all were new to the city, the expert. He, Kevin (a similar sunset so it looked like the white Name Alone” rule. The club was usually having been there a year or minded coworker of mine), and tops were floating off in the air. I called Graceland - a good sign for less. One punk girl saw my Truth some journalism people were was impressed by Seattle's set up - someone who wears a "Taking Summit wristband and made the handed a group of eighty kids who the roads and buildings seemed Care of Business in a Flash" cap. connection and asked if she could we were going to put a zine togeth- more integrated into the landscape So far, I had seen Big Ass hold a sign in the ad. er with. The problem was, these than Northeastern cities. Moustache based solely on name, I returned to my hotel, I think were teenagers that had all been Early into the walk, I passed a and they were an amazing flown to Seattle the day before, put good omen of a stat- 27 ue of a child holding an origami the edge of death metal. I know is." 15 minutes later... crane or swan. The statue itself was very few people talk of the band Ring ring ring "Hello" "Hey covered with a lei of paper cranes, GWAR in terms of music, but I Rich, this is M----- is the zine which looked in good enough con- could hear similarities between the ready?" "Did I call you? Well, then, dition that they must be fairly two, especially in the vocals. I it can't be ready yet, can it?" recent. I was awed. The sidewalk don't know if Bloodhag will ever Of course, people that keep call- had pictures of pond life, mostly be a huge touring act, but I can ing you to see how you are doing microscopic organisms, set into hope, I want to see this act again. If never understand that it takes time each corner. Each bus stop was you live anywhere near Seattle, see to stop what you are doing in order painted, either by students or pro- these guys, even if you don't like to get the phone every 15 minutes. fessional artists. Halfway through, them, you'll have a story worth Another lesson I learned is that I passed a view of downtown, telling. someone who is a graphic designer including the famous Space Needle I briefly chatted with Bloodhag for a living should not be entrusted landmark. I was a bit tired of walk- and Vandemonium members to put together a zine by kids with ing by the time I got there, not before leaving- nice people all. I a day turnaround deadline. The end exhausted physically so much as think I won points by being from product was beautiful, but I rather emotionally drained, almost over- Boston, and thus having traveled would have had it look a bit stimulated by the sights. I got to the the farthest to come to the club (a rougher and gotten more sleep. At club just fine. I was on time clock- wary Bloodhag member had to around 6, I took a quick break to wise, but early in terms of the confirm first hand that I didn't trav- call the club that Screaming Trees show. Like many cities, a nine el JUST to attend the show.) was playing at. On an unrelated o'clock on the flyer means show up The walk home was actually note, I was going to Interview Krist at 9:30, but I didn't want to take about a half-hour. I was walking Novolselic for Flipside magazine. that chance. In some cities, if a fast and deliberate, this time just He was hosting the show, which flyer says 9:00, the band better be trying to get back instead of was part of the big Experience on stage ready to play at 9:00 exploring with wonder. I slept well. Music Project events. I had called sharp. I woke up early again and him on Friday and set up the inter- At first I was a bit apprehensive resumed zine coaching. We had view. I was going to be on the guest - normally if I am the new guy, I accumulated a huge pile of writing list and meet one of the most am also performing or at a place and material, much of it impressive important people in rock music like a zine fair where everyone is in skill, and it became the job of a today. Digress paragraph- I always new - this was the first time in a few of us adults to sort through it liked Nirvana. I never disliked long time that I was very by and compile it into an actual zine. Nirvana. Nirvana never was my myself, and I didn't want to just sit We started on Sunday afternoon favorite band, but I am happy they in the corner until the bands and needed 1000 finished collated existed. Even if you hate them, you played. But, boy oh boy, was I in folded stapled zines by 8am have to admit that they were luck. It wasn't just a show, it was a Monday. important. Specifically, I had fundraiser for the "Hi-Score Now, anyone who has ever done always been interested in Krist, Arcade,” an independent video a zine knows how hard it is to get a both for things I know he has done game arcade that, if I have my facts zine done in a month, so imagine and even more so because of straight, has TV sets with old what we had to do in a period of rumors I had heard about him. Coleco, Intellivision and Atari sets HOURS. Granted, we had 4 people Besides, he's famous, and famous instead of arcade style games. They working together (and impressive- must mean cool, right? When I had two TVs and games set up, so ly, we were working TOGETHER) talked to Krist on the phone, he I not only could play, but I had but we also had to check with vari- was friendly and funny. great conversation starter. There ous administrative personnel for Unfortunately, we miscommuni- was also a great food spread - pita other reasons. cated the time of the show. I had and hummous and chips and salsa, This brings up something that I asked about his plans for the the sort of thing most art openings am not used to in my world. Cell evening, but it seems the show was have, but also with homemade Pac- Phones. Having traveled extensive- at 2pm, and completely over by Man cookies! ly, and having almost died in a car then. DAMN! I missed out entirely, The first band was crash in New Jersey, I saw the logic but my fellows were happy I could Vandemonium, an all girl sorta of getting a cell phone for travel stay and help. Ian, Carlea, and I punk sorta just plain rock band. emergencies. For two months I had spent some time driving from They actually reminded me a bit of a cell phone on me when I traveled, Kinko's to Kinko's (the smaller Broadzilla from Detroit, but I drag queens lip synching as enter- using it only a few scant times to places were too small and closed doubt too many people in the world tainment, but one can understand clear up directions. Suddenly I am by the time we would be done) to know enough about both bands to my enjoyment of their performance in a situation where I am carrying negotiate who could handle what. I compare. A very short band I must of "If I close my eyes forever" by my phone with me all weekend, used my insider know-how to fig- say. It was Courtney, the singer's, Lita Ford and Ozzy. surrounded by others in the same ure out what obstacles were minor. birthday. She apparently gets a lot Raft of Dead Monkeys were the boat. Every 15 minutes or so, a "You can't do 1000 copies of crap about being a singer named hard rocking noisy sort of band I phone would ring and we each overnight? Why not? Suppose the Courtney from Seattle, what con- expected them to be, but the real would scramble in our pockets and cover was the same color paper? sidering that other Seattle Courtney treat for the night was Bloodhag. bags until someone held the phone Oh, Okay then." "You can't do that singing lady. Her and I talked The deal with Bloodhag is that that actually had a call. many copies? Why not? Are you enough by the end of the night that they are "educore": they write The advantage of a cell phone is sure, let me speak to the manager" I would feel comfortable calling songs about books- specifically than people can reach you any- In many ways I was the idiot cus- her a friend. science fiction books. Their set list where, anytime. The problem with tomer I had always hated. At least I Between bands and hosting the is a list of sci-fi authors. They hand having a cell phone is than people admitted it. One place I even start- evening were Jackie Hell and out Seattle Public Library applica- can reach you anywhere, anytime. I ed with " Sorry, but you will hate Ursula Android, a pair of over the tions and throw out paperbacks find myself having parts of the day me for this." Kevin meanwhile was top drag queens (Which is to say from the stage. Even if they like this. Ring ring ring "Hello" chained to the computer, laying the that they were over the top, even sucked, I would consider this "Hey Rich, this is M-----(best not whole thing out for its final form. for drag queens). Ursula was at worth seeing. But they don't suck. to speak ill of coworkers too much) -Rich Mackin least 90 feet tall in heels. I have Very talented loud noisy, skirting is the zine ready?" "No, we have a never really gotten the concept of while to go, I will call you when it 29 It made me feel better to see their fan base dwindle a thousandfold in just one week. NAME DROPPING in 1986?" And I did not know that. the storage room to get another case. people showed up to see the Georgia I saw the Georgia Satellites three With the next beer, the fans would That's when I got to see the shrapnel Satellites (minus the singer). Only times in one month, but give me a tell me that the Georgia Satellites of the backstage big time rock'n'roll the three guys on stage and their two chance to explain myself. (with the singer, of course) were still lifestyle at close range. girlfriends and wife drank heavily. First off, it wasn't the Georgia huge in Sweden. The fans would When the Georgia Satellites One girlfriend asked me for a Jack Satellites exactly. It was all the order more beers and tell me, (minus the singer) worked out the and coke. We didn't have a liquor members of the Georgia Satellites "Damn, these guys rock." And that, agreement with my boss, they asked license, but being the good guy I except the singer. And I didn't go too, I did not know. Not that they for a personal dressing room. The am, I ran down to the liquor store, voluntarily, exactly. I worked in a completely sucked. In all honesty, bar I worked in was more of an old bought a bottle of Jack, and started rock'n'roll bar in Atlanta and my they didn't. Without the singer, there warehouse converted into a punk serving her a string of doubles. The boss hired the Georgia Satellites were no hokey dokeys there. They club converted into a semi-legiti- set droned on. The crowd, small as it (minus the singer) to play Sunday didn't play any Georgia Satellites mate restaurant/rock'n'roll bar, so was, dwindled. I poured myself a nights for a month. I worked Sunday songs at all. Instead, they covered we didn't have a dressing room. Molson draft (a real Molson draft, nights. Hence, I saw them three old Chuck Berry and Link Wray and What we did have was a run-down not the Meister Brau I usually sold times. Eddie Cochran songs, and they are storefront adjacent to the warehouse as Molson), sat on the beer cooler, The first time, I kind of liked it. professional musicians, and those that we also rented so that we had a and thought real hard about my life. A bunch of people showed up. I was are good songs. So it wasn't terrible place for an office and a storage I'd made rent that month, but only busy as hell. The Georgia Satellite and I made some money. closet and an extra room for one of because I worked every single shift (minus the singer) fans drank heavi- The second Sunday, the fanbase our cooks to sleep in. A lot of times, that we were open that month. My ly and tipped well and it looked like was cut in half. I wasn't nearly as we'd rent the storefront out to ravers boss hadn't paid me in three weeks. I might finally be able to pay my busy. For a lot of the set, I sat on one (which pissed off the cook to no I thought about how bad that sucked rent on time one month. I learned all of the coolers and drank beer and end), but on Sunday nights that and how bad February sucked kinds of interesting things from the watched three fifty-year-old men month, it was the Georgia Satellites' because you had to pay the same fans. They would come up to the bar with big hair play Buddy Holly dressing room. I went back to the amount of rent as any other month and order a beer and pay me and say, tunes with a glam rock pose. I also storage room on the second Sunday but you only had twenty-eight days "Did you know that the Georgia ran out of Budweiser halfway to pick up another case of beer and to earn it in. I thought about how Satellites had the number two song through the night and had to go into walked smack into the two girl- bad the Georgia Satellites (minus friends and one wife of the three the singer) sounded when they Georgia Satellites chopping out moved into drunken Beatles covers. huge rails of cocaine on the one A guy came up and ordered a Bud. table in that part of the restaurant. As I opened it, he said to me, "This I'd like to say that the women were is lame. Last week, these guys bleached blond glam metal floozies, played in front of fifteen thousand but they weren't. They were actually people." very nice to me, and they looked That cheered me up. It made me more like women who drove SUVs feel better to see their fan base to soccer games in Marietta than dwindle a thousandfold in just one like groupies. And the recreational week. I quit thinking about things drug use didn't bother me. Hell, I that sucked and remembered the was a bartender. Alcohol is a drug. I Sunday one month earlier when Jon made my living off of recreational Cougar Concentration Camp and the drug use. In fact nothing about the Blanks 77 had the stage, about how scene bothered me that night. I just we all tied a healthy buzz on before grabbed a case of Budweiser and the show, about how Suzy Blank headed back out to the half-full bar. finally had to drag her bands' drunk- The third Sunday of the month, en asses out of there so they could the Georgia Satellites played a make the next show in Memphis. I Monsters of Rock festival in thought about hanging out with the Stockholm. We had a bunch of sub- JCCC guys after the show, eventual- urban punk bands play an afternoon ly closing the Little Five Pub. I show. I charged a buck a glass for drank more Molson. I got to feeling water and considered the buck my so good I almost didn't notice the tip. The singer of one of the punk scab Georgia Satellite singer mak- bands called me a greedy bastard. ing fun of my Dead End Kids work- He bitched about me to his friends shirt. Almost. I did snap out of it in as he drove to his upper middle class time to hear him tell the two home in the car his mom bought for drinkers his sorry ass band drew to him. I worked an eight hour shift for tip me well so that I could quit my Shawn Stern of Youth Brigade twenty dollars. day job at Jiffy Lube. Their one The last Sunday, about fifteen thousandth of an audience laughed 30 Rock God or Drunk Guy? Pierre and Larry of Pegboy are two of the coolest sort-of-famous guys I’ve met. Within an hour, we’d each downed a cou- ple of shots and a couple of beers, and they’d filled me full of hilarious stories about getting naked in a North Carolina brew pub and various things that I promised to keep under my hat. I wouldn’t let Larry buy another round of shots because I didn’t want him to get too fucked up to play his set. It was one in the afternoon.

at my expense. I was so stunned that actually very nice. I let go of the feel like a lesser being because fif- I am cooler. Also, she named her I didn't even think to yell out some- hate. teen thousand people will never beautiful little girl after Emma thing like, "Why don't you guys The next day, I told my boss that gather to hear me play bad classic Goldman, and my coolness level write a song this decade?" he had to choose between me and rock. But fame and inferiority go raises at least a couple of notches for Then, after the set, I handed the the Georgia Satellites. One or the hand in hand, and they manifest knowing someone who named her drummer the bill for all his bottles other of us would be there the next themselves in weird ways. daughter after Emma Goldman. The of Corona and all his girlfriend's Sunday. He fired them. That same AND NOW FOR SOME PUNK fact that she quit a band that went on double Jack and cokes that I was morning, actually. I'm sure it had ROCK, TOO to record a handful of crappy nice enough to serve illegally. First, more to do with the fact that no one Last summer, again low on albums and a radio mix version of he refused to pay the bill with all the wanted to pay to see the Georgia money, I picked up a part time job "Dopeman" on top of that does money he'd made off of having the Satellites in 1998 (outside of teaching English at a local commu- nothing to make me cooler, though. number two song of 1986. He Sweden, anyway) than with my ulti- nity college. Occasionally (well, To continue the namedropping attacked me with a string of obscen- matum, but let's ignore that. okay, all the time) I'd talk about here, I met Shawn Stern not too long ities. He even cursed my mother, The whole experience made me punk rock during class. I figured, ago. I'm a huge Youth Brigade fan who he's never even met. When I think about fame. No matter how what the hell, I had to sit through a from "The Sound and Fury" all the finally convinced him that paying badly the Georgia Satellites sucked, generation of education by hippie way up to the latest split with the the bill was better than going to jail, they were famous. There's no get- teachers, so why should my students Swingin' Utters. Hell, I even lis- he stiffed me. I thought, fuck this ting around that. There was a time be free of my pointless musical dia- tened to "Happy Hour" in the past guy, fuck his monsters of rock, fuck when they packed arenas. They did tribes? During break time of one month (and it's a safe bet that that his number two song, fuck his soc- world tours. They were on television class, one of my students came up to statement will hold true no matter cer mom girlfriend, and fuck his all the time. Every reader of this talk to me about music. We chatted when you read this). For the month Chuck Berry covers. I suddenly magazine who's old enough to for a while, and I noticed a Less between the time I set up the inter- hated everything about him and his remember Night Flight saw the Than Jake patch on her backpack. "I view and the time the interview dying rock'n'roll lifestyle. I hated Georgia Satellites singing bad clas- know those guys," I said. finally occurred, I was stoked that I that he got paid even if he didn't sic rock in the bed of a truck. Most "You've heard of them?" she was going to meet him. When he draw a crowd. I hated that he got remember it. I probably put that ter- asked, and I said, "No. I know them. and I finally sat down to do the paid and I didn't. I hated that he rible song in some poor reader's I interviewed them a few years ago. interview, I was nervous. I stuttered demanded a dressing room. I hated head. I apologize. The woman who used to play sax is through the first few questions. I that his girlfriend snorted coke off But back to fame. As I said, the a friend of mine." guess something about the dozens of the same wobbly table that I'd once whole experience made me think My student suddenly turned times I watched him in "Another seen the crack addict who we hired about fame. When those guys first gushing. "I can't believe you know State of Mind" on TV, the thousands to clean the place sleep on. I hated showed up to play, I was somewhat Less Than Jake. What are they like? of times I heard his voice scream this one-hit wonder's one hit and the intimidated by them. Up until they Are they cool guys?" and so on. Part through my stereo, and the intensity fact that I had to listen to it over a started making fun of my Dead End of me felt like she was being a silly of watching him play all those songs thousand times while I worked con- Kids shirt, I felt inferior. When I kid, but part of me felt really cool a half hour before sitting down with struction through the late eighties finally got around to recognizing it for knowing Jessica from Less Than me all conspired to make me a little and early nineties. I hated that his and thinking about it, I felt silly. Of Jake (see, I'm even namedropping star struck. Then, the absurdity of it fall from stardom landed in my front course I shouldn't feel inferior. again). Later, when I thought about all hit me. Shawn Stern's a guy just yard. Most of all, I hated that I had Those guys suck. There's no evi- it, I decided I was cooler for know- like me. Hero worship is bullshit. to serve him all night. I decided that dence to suggest they did anything ing Jessica, but not because she was Enjoy the music but don't deify the he was about to feel what happens of any significance in their lives. in Less Than Jake. Because she's musician. when I don't keep my hands to I've done a bunch of nice things. I such a good person. She's open and Of course, that thought had myself. Then, his girlfriend handed pay my bar tabs. I tip. I'm even tol- friendly and seems to be in a good occurred to me before. It occurred to me a twenty dollar tip and called erant of old men with big hair wear- mood every time I see her. If a little me all the time as various musicians him an asshole. Like I said, she was ing tight jeans. I have no reason to of her coolness rubs off on me, then with various degrees 31 of fame came through the rock'n'roll that we have to consciously get the hack who wrote the trilogy about bullshit. Who doesn't know that? bar I worked in. It occurred to me around to abandoning it any time we Oedipus (again, don't tell your But going a little deeper, it is inter- during the tons of interviews I've meet anyone famous. That's when it teacher Sophocles is a hack. You'll esting to understand that fame is a done with bands, but usually, the occurred to me that there is no such get an F). At the time he wrote it, form of bullshit that is so deeply sense of fame and inferiority didn't thing as fame. It's a completely man- everyone knew the story of Oedipus. ingrained in us that we have to con- creep up on me during those times. ufactured concept that exists in soci- It was ancient. He didn't make up a sciously battle it to erase that feeling Perhaps just because I'd listened to ety solely for advertising purposes. goddamn thing. All he did was write of inferiority. It's interesting to Youth Brigade for longer than I've Think about fame as a historical it down and get a bunch of people to notice how often we're bombarded listened to most bands or perhaps concept. Who was a famous Souix? act it out during a festival in Athens. with those artificial notions of fame because I started listening to them Crazy Horse? Sure he was famous to Then, suddenly, because everyone and how often some of it slides right when I was pretty young and still us, but do you think the Souix were knew the story and associated into our unconscious solely because susceptible to hero worship, it hit lining up to get his autograph? Were Sophocles's name with it, he was we don't have the time or inclination me during that interview. Perhaps Souix photographers outside his famous. And that's pretty much how to battle it consciously. It's interest- because Shawn Stern acted like less teepee waiting to take his picture fame has gone historically. ing to notice that it's getting worse of a star than the singer of Less Than and put it in a magazine that was Shakespeare didn't come up with the with time. At least Sophocles battled Jake had acted when I interviewed dedicated solely to reporting what story of Romeo and Juliet, he just with deeper themes related to the them after their first album, I was fashion designer put together his made it a subtle form of kiddie porn, human condition. What deeper able to dismiss it and move on. With buffalo skin robe ensemble? And threw in a bunch of archaic words, theme surfaces in Titanic? the Georgia Satellites, it was com- what about other societies? Who and made a name for himself out of So, in the end, that leaves us with pletely different. Their fame came was famous in Greek society? it. And even now, the Georgia Crazy Horse and Shawn Stern and from no actions of my own. Though Achilles? Sure, but he was a charac- Satellites recycle old classic rock Jessica who was smart enough to I've heard what they call music hun- ter in a poem. He wasn't a human. riffs and next thing you know, leave Less Than Jake. I can only dreds of times, I've never voluntari- Humans don't die when you stab you've got the number two song of speak for myself, but I definitely ly listened to them. I never bought them in the heel. I know a guy 1986. A rich guy makes a movie prefer people who can only get as their album. I had nothing to do with whose heel was blown off in about a ship that sank a hundred famous as their day jobs allow them their number two hit. And I couldn't Vietnam. He's still alive. And he years ago and suddenly he's a star. to be. I'd much rather abandon the dismiss their fame because they wasn't even the greatest fighter in The next generation Annette concept of heroes and replace it with were guys just like me. They're not the war. So who was famous? Funicello bleaches her hair blond, people from my community who I guys like me. They're nothing like Socrates? Hell no. He was just a buys new boobs, strips off her admire and who challenge me. And I me. They're assholes. Not that I'm teacher. The only thing that made mousekateer uniform, and suddenly think it's great that that community not an asshole. I'm just a better Socrates famous was that Plato had you have Brittany Spears. And so exists below the radar of mainstream breed of asshole. a bunch of ideas that were too con- on. How does any of that have any society and that I get to be a part of So this brought me back to think- troversial for his time, so he blamed significance in your life? Does it it. I know it's not utopia, but it beats ing about how strange fame is, how them all on Socrates, who was dead matter at all? If you closed your eyes the hell out of arena rock with fif- we know that it's absurd to feel infe- anyway (it's true, but don't tell your to it, would it go away? teen thousand screaming Swedes. rior around someone who's famous, teacher that. You'll get an F). So who So, of course, you know what I -Sean Carswell but we do anyway. How this sense was a famous Greek person? I'll tell think, and I'm not saying anything of inferiority is so ingrained in us you who. Sophocles. Sophocles was too groundbreaking here. Fame is SqueezeSqueezeSqueeze MyMyMy HornHornHorn

The Red Star should do well - they spent more on the press pack than I did on my car

Hello everyone and let me say show that is open two days a week You will most likely find my horn before the reviews just a bit about welcome to Razorcake. I'm Gary, and has no cover to get in is great. being squeezed by "The Tick" and what has pissed me off lately. On and comics are what I do, yeah My problem is that I can go there my favorite dude in spandex, "The the item of golf, I had tickets to the kinda like the guy on the Simpson's and if I want a comic, I can get it Green Lantern", though less on the LA Open this weekend yet was just not as fat and I don't have the for far cheaper than a shop, but a latter because, well, he's not an unable to go due to the weather, so voice down yet. What we do here is figurine is almost double than if I indie. if any of the reviews seem harsh review independent comics, though that is my bailout. So, once again, every once in while I'll give my welcome to Razorcake's comic turn on what the big guys have reviews and enjoy all the tasty read- done exceptionally well or what ing. they've done so bad we had to dig them a hole and arrange flowers. FUTURAMA COMICS Another month and another eclectic #1, Bongo Entertainment, $2.50 collection of books for your sam- U.S., $3.50 Can. pling. Comics have ups and downs, If watching the television show like any other industry, and hope- weren't enough, well bongo (just fully I can let you know what's out like with the Simpsons) has there both big and small. Often you brought new adventures to pulp. will disagree with my assessment - How much money can Matt that's okay - I don't care what you Groening make? Good question, think. For instance, let's take since Futurama seems to be selling McFarlane toys. They've outdone like hula hoops or mood rings, themselves on the "Where the Wild there are even toys out there now. Things Are" figures, these figures So lets dig into this comic. One look like Sendak created them him- nice thing about Bongo comics is self; good thing. that there is no deviation in the Bad things? Well just read the characters. They're the same as they review on DC's Spectre. I am a Tick are on the glow bowl and as you fan - a big Tick fan - but why do read, you can pretty much hear the they do so damn many alternative voices of each character. I'm going covers of the same book? Why I to assume that most are familiar ask? I will tell you why. To get with the cast and well, hell, that more money! It's like the way that should make the review go a little the record company repackages the more lickity split. It seems that same ten Sex Pistols songs and puts while digging in the basement of a new title on it. It's still the same express delivery, the crew happens ten songs. This is a trend that we on a time capsule from the seven- should all revolt against. So, while ties. I'm going with this due to the you're at the shop not picking up references to beta and eight tracks. alternative Tick covers, you might It seems Fry needs something to look at these titles. To update you prove that his time period was cool, on what I know (probably very lit- so he finds an ad for sea monkeys tle), though I did debate the lack of (yea, brine shrimp and, no, they fondness I had for the new Tick live don't wear crowns). Through some TV show with a clerk at the local vintage emporium, Fry manages to comic shop. I mean, they're using acquire some and, well, just like the the guy from the M&M commer- rest of us, everyone presumes them cials, and we all know that John to be dead. But the professor Tesh has a bigger jaw. Enough said. throws them into a can of radioac- Also out are the new Simpson tive waste. You see where this is characters, so everyone that enjoys go to a store. Isn't everyone basical- Also I'm a golf nut and I'm seri- going right? That's right. They the ever-loving softies Moe and ly getting there stuff wholesale? ously looking for any medium that grow into giant monsters. The solu- Nelson, go get 'em. One thing about To tell you about what I review, exploits the less stuffy side of the tion ends up being the fine print, "If all comic media that does confuse well it's anything that has been sent sport. Luckily, I have found a mag not satisfied, 100% refund" which me is supply and demand. I fre- to my editor or myself directly. If that does just that. Look for it in gets them temporarily out of the quent a comic show in Walnut - nothing comes my way and I have this review. Take these reviews at jam. Of course, they get stuck with now this isn't to complain about the to go looking, it will usually be face value - some days things are the clean-up bill, but this is easily 34 show itself - hell, any something with catchy art or title. just plain funnier than others. But remedied by the starving Zoidberg. I must say that the comic has more with lots of detail (i.e. eyebrows new title. This actually came out any superpower that believes its than my shortened review. Just like and sculptured cheeks). Not my in June 2000 and is a monthly, but military is unstoppable. You do Groening's team does with TV, scene. So decide for yourself if a I want to bring you in at the begin- have to learn the terminology - a there are pokes and prods at every- cool cover is worth the "concealed ning. This book should do well - glossary at the back helps. After a thing from advertising to the philo- US currency" that you have to they spent more on the press pack few issues, you will know imme- sophical. If you're a collector or a send. I would say no and if you than I did on my car and it has an diately what a skyfurnace is and leisure reader, get your mitts on this don't hear from me it's because interesting team behind it. To set why a sorceress is tired after a rag. Well, go on get it. (Bongo Beezelbub has cursed me for this you straight, I am not a Star Wars transformation protocol. The lan- Entertainment, 1440 S. Sepulveda bad review. (Slab-O-Concrete junkie. Sure, during the seventies guage doesn't put you off, like in Blvd., 3rd Floor, LA, CA 90025) Publications, PO Box 148, Hovem it was a good movie, but "The so many books that try to do the BN3 3DQ, UK; ) creator/writer/illustrator of this really flows well. I don't want to #2, Armchair Comics and Slab-O- book was the guy who came up give too much away, but definitely Concrete, 1.75 Pounds with the idea of Darth get this book and read it - you'll I liked the cover - the devil Maul having a double have some catching up to do but with a martini and goatee. I edged light saber - so he's it'll be good for you. (Image even liked the threat to got some history. The Comics, 1071 N. Batavia St. Suite potential reviews that Satan "environmental engineer" A, Orange, CA, 92867; would strike me down if I - what the hell does that or gave it a bad review but my have to do with a comic? ) liking it ended there. I am - is a guy who does 3D taking the chance of the animation. That is signifi- SCHWING! Infernal One casting his evil cant because he gives this Fall 2000, $3.95 US, $5.50 CAN spell upon me to tell you the look of watching a Golf is a changin' and this maga- not to spend your hard- scene taken from a movie zine proves it. From cover to fin- earned British pound. This not drawn - because it ish, this one rocks. We all know comic was a good idea - isn't really. It is 3D back- that golf is filled with tradition and make fun of peace punk grounds with character etiquette, so much that it tends to bands and hell. But it wasn't drawings in the fore- overflow and make it stuffy. This sarcastic enough to be ground. Stylistically, it mag throws all that out the win- funny. A couple of good looks like Kingdom dow. Just check out some of the lines do not a comic make. Come, which is good. article titles off the cover: "Daisy A vampire comes to bite a You get sucked in by the Fuentes," "Golf Strippers," "Club girl in her bedroom and is drawings and the story is Throwing 101," and "Urban disturbed by his cell phone - written in a very com- Golf." One article even gives you a call from the coffin lid pelling way. It is a series specific rules to use while playing repairman who, by the way, of flashbacks by Maya as to ensure victory called "5 ways to doesn't work nights. Yea, a she rides the metro to the beat your buddy by the book," nice hit on the cell phone cemetery to put flowers though he or she probably won't culture that we (collective on her husband's grave. be your buddy by the end of the meaning alive, dead, and She talks of the war in round. The photography is excel- undead) have become. But which he was killed and, lent. There are so many pics of that's a little passe. Wasn't despite the odds, she sur- scantily clothed women modeling cell phone use out of control in the THE RED STAR vived. The story is based in the golf equipment, that by this fact mid 1990's? The artwork looks like #1, Image Comics, $2.95 US, Soviet Republic (hence the name), alone you want to keep turning the XXX(Strip)Burger, for those of you $4.70 Canada but with a magical twist. I get the pages. Just like traditional golf who that means anything to. It's This book is great - it is not often Russian references, but you don't magazines, this one will help you black and white, odd-shaped faces that I look forward to a #2 of a have to. This could be the story of find out about cours- 35 es, new products, and reference were many loose ends. First it other golf media. They even have a looked like we were going to be section on golf apparel and the introduced to Carmelita, Arthur's vendors that advertise have some significant other and owner of the pretty cool stuff. Hell, I even saw a other moth suit. We know this pair of golf shoes I'd like to get my because of the TV cartoon. Also feet into. Music is also reviewed waiting to ambush The Tick are inside the pages of this mag. I saw The Terror and his gang who turn a review of NOFX's "Pump up the out to be more villains from the TV Valium" and an ad for ALL and the show. All in all, this comic was a Vandals. This magazine is a alter- big let down. Even though there native golfer's delight and is a must were side-cramping funny parts, it subscription for any of you club lacked the originality and was oh wielders out there, so check it out. so predictable that we know ( Schwing Magazine, PO Box Edlund didn't write it. It seems that 884570, SF, CA 94188-4570) New England Comics is going to milk the Tick until even the origi- THE SPECTRE nal 12 comics, which are probably #1 - fourth edition (I believe), some of the best comedic writings $2.50 US, $4.25 Can. out there, lose their value. I can't Alright, let me tell you why I was such an outcry that they decid- timeline-crossing, media event - really say don't go get this one picked a DC title. Yeah, I know it's ed to bring him back in one of their seven issues made into a hardback because when I saw it I had high not an independent, but what with other good selling titles, the - and put the DC universe back the hopes and it does deliver comedy. their rearrangement of characters, Spectre, a being that seeks God's way you had it. Well, that's off my It just didn't have that ziplock DC has really pissed people off. vengeance on evil mortals' souls. chest. freshness. I've pretty much given This one in particular got me. I The problem is that the original up on the "Tick and Arthur" and knew what I was getting when I Spectre was using the body of Jim THE TICK ( THE PSEUDO "Heros of the City" titles and their pulled this one off the rack. Corrigan and, well, they did a pret- EDITION ) dual covers, so I beg of NEC to Remembering that I'm a huge ty kick ass job in their editions, so #13, New England Comics, $3.50 stop the maddening rape of the Green Lantern fan, especially one why are these guys destroying US, $4.95 Can. beloved Tick title. There, I said it of Hal Jordan, the original silver these titles? Hal Jordan is a Green After waiting years and years, it and, well, I feel no shame. Tell you age Green Lantern and the guy Lantern so leave him being one. seems NEC lost its corporate readers what, read this one and tell they killed off a couple years ago This is like seeing Craig T. Nelson patience with big Ben Edlund ever me what you think, that's all. to make room for their "upgraded as a police commissioner. He's not. coming back to continue his origi- (

* Interview & photos by Todd Taylor * Emotional Support by Skinny Dan * I'd heard the Selby Tigers' at The Wayward Council, a great collective asked after we got into the club. Scanning, record store in Gainesville. Juan Bastos I double took and soaked it in. A lady in first Hopeless 7" ("Sidewalk" b/w "Gene said the cover looked a little - shall we say calf-high silver platform boots and a bee- Pool") and was duly impressed. The band - fruity (or was it arty?). To Juan's credit, hive hair-do sat on the stool to our right. A popped off the vinyl with paranoid fun - we spun it when we got home and both of guy in a full-body, Smurf-blue jumpsuit - like a nervous tic that itches just right. us have been hooked ever since. It's one of collar flipped up jauntily - with an orange They were manic enough to have energy those records that lets out quiet discoveries and white checkered scarf around his neck spasm out of them, yet adroit in keeping on repeat listens but was great right when walked by with a razor-thin moustache the ever-important rhythm and making the stylus contacted the groove the first caterpillering his upper lip. Across the strong, separable songs. In other words, time. room, another was another guy, in horn- they made me want to shake some ass and By pure happenstance, when I was in rimmed glasses, snappy orange shirt and sing along, much like a couple of late '70s Tucson on official Razorcake business, the black tie matching a black suit. Together, heroes of mine, The Undertones (think Selby Tigers were playing. I got a hold of we composed half an audience that buzzsaws and melody) and X-Ray Spex guitarist Nathan forty-five minutes before watched an opening band do a Tool imper- (think female-fronted power drive getting the show. sonation. hit by a fire engine). When I saw their LP, "What is this? A swinger convention?" After the chonka-chonka waaaah (insert "Charm City," on the racks, I snapped it up Razorcake co-conspirator, Skinny Dan, vivisection cat sound) band got off, the 38 "swingers" turned out to be The Selby Todd: What do you do Nathan, besides Todd: Why's that? Tigers. Without fucking around, they play guitar? Dave: 'Cause they suck. Rounded points, plugged in and jammed out; tightly raw, Nathan: I am a letter press printer. I was a rubber handles. Why? Oppression. barely-contained, high-kicking, and fun to printer at a place called Luna Lux for Todd: And you two are married, correct? watch. Crystalline and dirty pop. awhile but now I do it for myself. I mostly Arzu and Nathan: Yes. Three and a half By another pure circumstance, there print posters with old fashioned type; type- years. happened to be a tiki bar nearby that served set stuff. Kind of like Hatch Show Prints. Nathan: In Vegas, no less, where we'll be drinks in fish-bowl sized glasses and had a It's a place in Nashville that did all of the tomorrow. cage with real parrots. That seemed an old Sun Studios posters and stuff like that. Todd: Have any of you gone to the appropriate place as any for an interview. That's the kind of style of printing I like. Museum of Questionable Medical Devices The rest is captured on tape, except that Todd: Did you used to work at in Minneapolis? () beyond any reasonable doubt, the Selby Amphetamine Reptile? All: Yes. Tigers were some of the nicest people in a Nathan: I did direct sales for about two or Todd: Name your favorite questionable band I've never met before. three years. It was fun. medical device. Todd: Arzu, how true to detail have been Dave: The head bump counter. Todd: Isn't your name really Dave? the Wonder Woman outfits you've worn in Todd: Oh, the phrenology helmet. Sammy: Yeah, my name's really Dave the past? (Phrenology was a "science" that believed Gardner but he's Dave Gatchel and we're Arzu: How did you know about that? That that by examining the shape and uneven- both Dave G.'s, so I just became Sammy to was an old band, actually. ness of the skull, one could discover the make it easier when we meet people. Todd: Do you have a golden lariat? development of the particular cerebral Todd: What bands have you recorded? Arzu: Well, I had a little, crappy lasso, "organs" responsible for different intellec- Sammy: Dillinger Four, The Cows, The yeah. It was from some sort of craft store. tual aptitudes and character traits. For Strike, Unsane, The Hidden Chord, She's my favorite superhero. I used to be example, if you had a knot in your skull in Lollipop, Nashville Pussy, Lifter Puller. really, really into her and then I'm sort of a specific position, it would mean that you Todd: What was the craziest band to out of it. I collected toys for a long time were more "benevolent," or "angry" or record? but now I've stopped. Everyone's always "prone to over-eating," depending where Sammy: A hardcore band that will go giving me Wonder Woman presents. the bump was. -Todd) nameless who - well, let's just put it this Todd: Dave, why did you get to keep your Dave: Yeah, yeah. way - they came in, they recorded a single name and not Sammy? Todd: Did you test it on yourself? with me and they later recommended me to Dave: I have no clue. Dave: No. another band by saying I was really profes- Todd: What do you do besides play Arzu: I can't remember the names of all of sional… because I didn't do all of their drums? them. They were all really good. The one speed. It was pretty sweet. I was tuning the Dave: I'm a connoisseur of mini golf. I'm a that surprised me the most were those ear drums and the drummer came up and said, militant left hander. candles things and they were telling people "Hey man, do you mind if we do some Todd: Do you drill holes in cups - like a not to do them because they're really dan- drugs?" I was like, "Well, what are you dribble glass, near the rim - so you they gerous, actually. (Ear candles are still sold going to do?" And he's like, "You know, can only be used lefty? on the net. -Todd) just some speed." I was like, "You seem Dave: I should. That's a good idea, dude. Nathan: My favorite one was this shock- like someone who that's your modus Todd: Can you find left-handed scissors ing wrist massager that my friend Frank operandi. I'm going to go with the flow easily enough? Bevin actually ended up possessing some- here." Dave: Yes and hate them. how. He was working at a convention and they moved all of the stuff from the muse- um there to show it off and then left this device behind and he was cleaning up and found it and started playing with it. And he just kind of obsessively… it uses ten D cell batteries. It could be lethal. Dave: It's like a taser. Sammy: I'm getting confused because there's another really weird museum in Minnesota which is the Greatbatch Museum -- the museum of electricity and life, because Medtronic, which is the com- pany which invented the Pacemaker, is from Minneapolis, and the owner of that is completely out of his mind. And when he died, he turned his house into a museum and they have tons of electrical medical devices so I can't remember if it was The Questionable Medical Devices that had all of what were, essentially, vibrators that used to be prescribed to women who had nervous conditions and they were these truly bizarre looking - vaguely like modern vibrators but they're really big and metal. (Historical aside: Greatbatch had earned 140 patents by the time of his death. Every year, the implantable cardiac pacemaker is used in half million people worldwide to 39 keep their hearts pumping in time.) Undertones in the same breath as us… I Todd: You don't have to be mean… OK. Todd: Give me a short timeframe. When love The Undertones. I'll answer my own question. Mariah was the band formed? When was the first Todd: They're great. Carey. That's an easy one. demo done? When did you sign to Arzu: We always get Buzzcocks, X. Arzu: Real obvious ones - Korn. Those Hopeless? Todd: I don't quite get the X part. Is it bands. It's not what we're into. Arzu: Dave Drummer and I started playing because of the male/female voice inter- Sammy: I even think that bands that do in April in '97. Then Nate and I went and change? stuff really well, I think, like emo - there got married. Nate was playing in another Arzu: That and the husband and wife are people that who do it great. I want band. They broke up in October. thing. A lot of people are like, "X is so absolutely nothing to do with it. I want Todd: [to Nathan] You played in Arm? obvious." I don't think that we sound like none of whatever is touching Braid, Rainer Nathan: Yes. Maria - so many Arzu: And then he bands that can be joined our band in nice people or in the October or case of Rainer Maria, November and can be pieces of shit. started playing gui- But I don't want tar. We had another whatever is touching bass player at that them to be anywhere time. We actually near me. Nothing's played one show as going on with them a three-piece. We that I think is relevant played with Dark- to us. Faced Player for Todd: My aside to about a year… Braid is that, live, Sammy: …record- they were Nyquil ed with me. rock: "I think I'm Arzu: Yeah, going to pass out recorded with cold. You guys are Dave, err, Sammy. still fucking play- The first thing we ing?" did was a CDEP. Sammy: And they do March '98. Did a it better than anybody couple tours with else. Nicole. Parted Todd: In one sen- ways. And Sammy tence, name your phi- came in in losophy for the band. February of '99. [Long pause. Tape is Nathan: That filled with drunken month, we record- frat boys and blown- ed a new EP. speaker tiki music. Sammy was in the Heavy thinking.] band less than a Arzu: Just to do it as month. I've got to long as we can and hand it to the guy. have a lot of fun. Then signed to Meet a lot of great Hopeless the next people. Is that right? February. Todd: There's no Todd: I think one wrong answer to this problem people are one. having is classify- Nathan: To always ing you guys - have fun up on stage which I really don't and try to include the really worry about entire audience and a - but I would like live experience is to know which very much important bands you wouldn't to me. mind rubbing some Sammy: The space chromosomes off between notes is as of. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you them. I mean, I like them, but I like all that important - if not more important - than the guys are dealing with music from the late '70s stuff. notes themselves. '70s, early '80s. So, I'm thinking Zero Sammy: Devo I'd be fine with rubbing Todd: Sammy, name another swinger that Boys, Undertones, B-52s, Xray Spex. some chromosomes off of. Booker T and wears a neckerchief. Instead of, like, The Queers. I'm not harsh- the MGs. Sammy: Mr. Furley of "Three's ing on the Queers, I'm harshing on bands Dave: Alley Cats. Company." that do bad imitations of them. Sammy: Dillinger Four. Todd: And another one. What cartoon Nathan: Sure. Arzu: Yeah. character? Todd: Could you name some other bands Todd: Who's musical DNA evidence do Nathan: It's a dog, right? Hanna Barbera... that you would be genetically similar to? you want far away from you? Todd: I'm thinking of Fred from "Scooby Arzu: Just that you mentioned The Arzu: It's so hard to mean. Doo." 40 Sammy: Aahh, yes. I never thought about on that one, kinda of what he said when we going to do "99 Red Balloons" because I've that. get compared to certain emo bands. been doing it for six years and all of a sud- Todd: And your color scheme sorta match- Arzu: They're not comparing us to a partic- den she decided that she really liked that es - the blue jumpsuit with the orange neck- ular band, but they just say, "emo-influ- song. Usually, now, it'll be a party so erchief. enced" or "emo-something" and I think it's nobody wants to do the same one that Sammy: Arizona's treating me well. I got because we're from the Midwest. That's the someone already did. some great stuff today. Arizona's where the only thing I can think of. And we did a Nathan: You do "99 Red Balloons" better. jumpsuit started for me. The first tour I was bunch of emo shows at first. Arzu: I do it differently. on out west, we, of all places, stayed in Sun Sammy: [heavy sarcasm] Those went over Todd: You're so polite… What's the best City [a retirement city], because it was the really well. Whoo. insult that's been hurled towards you guys? cheapest off-season place to stay. So we Todd: To somebody who's never listened Sammy: It hasn't necessarily been the best stayed in Sun City for three days because to you guys, what are your themes lyrical- ones, but who it's come from. We appear to we had some days off and Dave got really ly? have, at least in The Twin Cities, among sick, so we hit all these thrift stores and I'd Nathan: I think we always try, regardless like the teen and slightly preteen punk rock been talking about how I really wanted the of the situation of the show, no matter crowd, who are huge Dillinger Four fans, leisure wear jump suit to play shows in and where it is, to have fun with the crowd and apparently the girls of that crowd don't like I found my first and second one there… fun with the show. us. It was right after the Hopeless thing and some really embarrassing tennis shorts Dave: I think there's a raw, sexual ener- came out and I was like, "Fuck, there's a lot that I wish I'd bought. I couldn't have gy… did you feel it, dude? of people here. We're doing all right." And played in them but they were pretty amaz- Todd: I felt some tension that you weren't I walked out and I heard this thirteen-year- ing. They were brown. getting everything you wanted out of the old punk rock girl look at the set list and Arzu: I can picture it still. monitors. go, "Fuck, I hate the fucking Selby Tigers." Todd: What's the last random thought on Arzu: Those vocals were cranking. It felt I was like "Oooohhh." It was a serious real- stage that almost blew your concentration? kind of weird. It was way too loud. ity. Dave: If I think I'm doing five things at Nathan: It felt like karaoke. Arzu: It's kind of sorry for me because once, then I blow it every time. If I'm think- Sammy: I think that we're all products of there just aren't as many girls at our shows. ing "left foot, right foot, right hand, left the suburbs who probably won't return Usually it's all guys and when I'm sitting at hand, voice…," I fall apart. there. I think that growing up in the suburbs the merch, it's all guys that usually buy Arzu: It's probably if I'm hungry and I start has effected all of our views on the world. stuff. I mean it's fine, it's nice if anybody thinking about food or something. "What Todd: From what I'm getting today, you does, but it makes me a little sad sometimes am I going to eat… oh shit" - chord change. guys seem very collaborative. Am I correct when there aren't as many girls that are into Nathan: I think the last one I had, when we in saying that? it. When I grew up, it was all through that were in Chicago, and this girl Ruth came Arzu: Yep. riot grrl thing and I was all "wooo." And I up and she was about to take my picture Todd: What role has fires played in shap- still really think those bands were impor- and I turned around and looked right into ing this band? tant to me, like Bikini Kill. So, I had such a her camera and just like a deer in the head Dave: I'm a fire sign. Everyone except different mentality growing up. "Yes lights, I fell apart, and stopped playing for Sammy's a fire sign. women can play." And when a woman can thirty seconds. I don't know why that had Todd: Has anything caught on fire? play, I'm going to be there, even if I'm not an effect on me but that's the last time I Nathan: One time I broke a high E string necessarily into it or like it, I'm going to be completely train wrecked. and it popped off from the bridge. It was supportive and be "that's cool that they're Sammy: I think the random thought, and it still connected to my guitar and actually just doing it." So, it's sorta sad sometimes wasn't completely random, was when we landed perfectly in a light socket. It looked when girls are just not into it and are kind played in Fayetteville, Arkansas. I looked like total fireworks. Like a Kiss concert. It of snotty about it sometimes, even. I down at one point and there was this girl lighted up, exploded, then disappeared. I feel like, "Aww, you didn't grow up who was probably thirteen or fourteen who just kept playing. People were looking at when I did." was grabbing my leg. And it's Arkansas, so me. you're like, this is kind of crazy. And at one Todd: Rad. point, she grabbed pretty far up on my Dave: A couple weeks ago, I had thigh and I had this pause in my brain - this dream - it doesn't have to do because I'm a really visual person - I could with the band, though. I never see myself, oh no. I'm in the South. There's remember dreams but I remembered a thirteen-year-old girl who's extremely my apartment burned. We all live in close to touching… to getting it and I was the same building. Mine was the completely freaked out and Dave looked only one that was burnt. So I called over and later said, "I wasn't quite sure my roommate to tell him, I don't what happened." I had this sudden chain of know why, and then two weeks later the worst possibility of what could come he told me that another apartment in out of this if I don't move now and I just the building had burned and he was stopped playing. too scared to tell me for two weeks. Todd: Has anybody compared you to a He was like, "Fuck, it just happened, band, and you just disagree with the com- and he called me to tell me watch parison because you just don't see it? out for it." Dave: Metallica. Todd: Arzu, what's the number one Arzu: Someone compared us to Metallica? karaoke song that you have to deal Dave: Someone said, "You're as sweet as with? Metallica."… She'd only seen one other Arzu: I've just dealt with parties so band and that was Metallica. She had super far, I haven't done bars yet. When I fun. She said, "It's not even right, but you get home, I'm going to be doing bars guys were as fun as Metallica." and stuff. Well, me and my friend Nathan: I think I'd have to back to Sammy would always argue over who was

Life's a conundrum. It's a deep, black pit most of the time. believe or you don't. Some of us use our own philosophic flashlights to see I'm concerned with the temple rock'n'roll and in this through this darkness and steer our way through, bumping respect, there's no doubt that The Causey Way's minstrel into some scary shit, pretty much alone. Other people need salve is a mighty, healing force. the light furnished for them; for guidance, for salvation, for Bedecked by lovely ladies - Reign and Summer Causey attainment of bliss. on keyboards and the statuesque Truth on bass - who whis- Enter Causey. To many - and a growing more - he is a per only into his ear, and backed by Homo Causey on drums, soft-spoken, penetrating beacon. A safe haven. A lighthouse Causey's services are rambunctious (And fucking funny. I've of which to avoid smashing on a craggy shore of a confusing never seen so many audience members give dollar bills to a existence. band when asked.). The music is the perfect pounce of new To others, he's a sham, a man who's been accused of let- wave melody laying a seductive track for the crunch of guitar ting the Clorox bleach - which he uses on his uniform to keep and Causey's distinctive (some claim hypnotic) high-end wail it the whitest of white - seep to his brain. and swoon. I'm not concerned of where the spleen of the world tackles Believe and it will heal. Don't believe and walk away the ideal of religion. There are no winners in that debate. You mighty entertained. 46 I n t e r v i e w b y T o d d . P i c t u r e s b y S e a n a n d T o d d Todd: Let's begin at the beginning. Where off, so we contacted Coco's lawyers. hers and our hands touched and she was did the name Causey come from? Unfortunately, she was able to get a much better and it amazed me then and I knew I Causey: The name came from my parents, better marketing plan and made a lot more had to get out there and help the people, who named me Causey. I've had that name money before we got out with ours. We're especially the punk rockers and the skate- since I was born. Causey was actually a not about money. We're the cheap boarders and all of the people that are judge in Putnam County, Florida. That's Scientology. So, we had to change our basically lost in life and I don't like to say my Uncle Causey. So I took on his name. logo, which now has the little fish symbol losers, but I mean, they're pretty much But The Causey Way came from, obvious- (little fish fins) on the bottom of the CC. derelicts, you know? It's harder to be bet- ly, my name, and when we started The It's all cleared up now. We settled out of ter than everybody, basically, but we're Causey Way, it started out as a way of life. court. trying to help. There was no music or band or anything. Todd: Your epiphany came after a severe Todd: What do The Causey Way and It was a group of us, about ten at the time, Sonic Youth have in common? that lived on a little area outside of Causey: A woman playing the bass. I Gainsville, Florida. We called ourselves would believe that's about it. The Causey Way. It wasn't solely on my THE TRUTH AND BUTTON Todd: Didn't you both get your equipment name. We thought, "Hey, it went pretty ripped off? smooth." Causey: We did get our equipment ripped Todd: Sean was saying that it sounds like off, but no one was as nice as to help us "causeway." and send out world-wide emails to try to Causey: Right, right. A causeway takes get our equipment back. It's as if we you to a better place. weren't important, as if no one cared. But Todd: It takes you there rapidly. this indie rock band, everyone seemed to Causey: Right, right. It's grown to be care and everyone knew about it. But I much more than that, the way it was years will tell you this, when our equipment got back. Now we have about 498 people that ripped off, I switched to playing Peavey are in The Causey Way. ACE - which is amplifiers and I believe that some of the the Aural Communication and Sonic Youthers use the Peavey equipment. Entertainment division - that's who you'll A lot of churches have Peavey equipment. see tonight. We're the entertainment pro- Todd: Who does Causey thinks he looks gram on the actual Causey compound. like? There's five of us here tonight. That's Causey: I know where you're going with about it with The Causey Way. My name's this one... You can't really see an ass kick- Causey. ing in print, but for the readers, when they Todd: Who's the person named Scott come to a Causey Way service, if they Stanton? bring that one up, they can get an ass kick- Causey: I used to be Scott Stanton. That ing in real life. was back in my secular days of being the Todd: I asked with the utmost respect. typical punk. I was a skateboarder. I did Causey: Right, right. A lot of people bring the typical things. I busted heads. I up the David Koresh thing. I know where dropped reds. you're going with that. I guess I can just Todd: You ran with the wild ones. simply say that he was a mentor of mine at Causey: I did, I did. I slashed tires. I set one point. He helped me out with some fires. I did all that stuff, but one day skate- guitar playing. He tore an axe up. He boarding, I just busted my head. I was get- could shred. ting too extreme. So I just came to the It's coincidence. Today, we were in the realization who I really was and what was Guitar Center in LA on Sunset and that's there for me in The Way. So, that's it. where he saw a man in there and asked if Todd: So asphalt/head/light? he wanted to play drums in the band. Dave Causey: Severe head injury/lights. So, it was just like a lot of us musicians. He was a good thing. needs a drummer, too. He needs to find Todd: How long were you a skater? musicians. He picked his drummer up at Causey: I skateboarded most of my life. I the Guitar Center when he was out in LA can't remember not skateboarding - when I trying to make it as a musician, but then was a skateboarder. And I was a pro skate- he gave that up and things didn't work out boarder from around '89-'92 and before I so well, so he moved back to Texas and took my headfall, kids were getting crazy got involved with the church and started and I just didn't like what was going on in his band with that. But, yeah, a lot of peo- the skateboard industry. It was very ple at our services have learned not to extreme, to sum it up. It did take me all head injury. What were the signs? I don't bring up David Koresh because Causey over the world. I got to see a lot of land know many people who start ministries gets a little upset. and a lot of areas. It kind of helps now after bonking their noggins. Todd: How does Causey keep his whites because I've been able to find out different Causey: Well, it started 'cause I was lay- so white on tour? areas for international compounds that The ing in the hospital bed and the woman Causey: That is a great, great question Causey Way is looking for. next to me had a spider bite. She was just and also a question we ask ourselves while Todd: Has The Causey Way ever been screaming to her cousin. I believe it was on tour. "Why white?" It's hard. We've got sued by the economic tigress Chanel for her husband, actually. It's in the South, so laundromat cards and certain laundromats the appropriation of her crossed "C"s that I don't know. But, she's yelling, "There's around the country sponsor us and wel- you have as your logo? got to be a better way." She was just really come us in. So, we've got laundry stops Causey: Well, someone brought that up to upset. It all hit me there and then I realized every other night and that's what the ladies us a while back, and we thanked them - I actually reached out from my bed to are good for. They're good because we realized Chanel was ripping us 47 for a lot of things but they sure know to do Right now we have about ten drummers. the band, because it brings people in, con- the wash. And as you can smell the "Care- This drummer just started (from the secu- version and such, and that's a way to get to a-van," it smells really great and we bring lar band Mooney Suzuki), and I think by the kids with rock'n'roll or whatever. I in a lot of homeless people and punks with the time we get to Seattle, which we're mean, we are going to build a chain of puppies, et cetera, to come into the Care-a- heading up North from here in LA, I'm skateboard parks around the world at some van and have a good life. wondering if he'll be around still. point, probably within the next year, sim- Todd: How is The Causey Way like Todd: Is that Summer? ply called The Causey Way, too. Spinal Tap? Causey: No, Summer is the new organ Todd: What was little Causey's favorite player, who is just taking the place of The toy? Button while The Button - The Button's in Causey: Little Causey was never able to drug rehab right now. The secular world play with toys, unfortunately. But at the REIGN and the rock'n'roll lifestyle kind of got to age of fifteen, I got a Curious George doll him. He was a perfect human being and he and I think that was my favorite. [Causey just fell short to the evils of the secular reaches his hand inside of shirt, under- world. I caught him sniffing glue back- neath his arm.] stage. So Summer Causey stepped in. Todd: I thought you were going to pull it She's been at the compound the whole out. time. All four years. She hasn't even been Causey: No, no. I was just... That sounded out to the secular world. She lived on the dirty. compound her whole life before she came Todd: Curious George - from your armpit. to The Causey Way. Things are going to Causey: OK. Oh, "it." People refer to "it" be really iffy on this tour for her. She's as a sexual organ or the sexual intercourse. kind of scared. People say, "Were they doing 'it'?" Yes. Todd: Isn't she touring with her sister, Todd: What were some of the discarded Reign, though? titles of albums? Causey: Yep. So, Reign's keeping an eye Causey: That we were going to maybe on her. We're all keeping an eye on her... have? "CIA - Causey Is Awesome," the drummer we have now is Will, The "Glossolalia." Will of Causey and... red tape right now. Todd: Tell me what Glossolalia is. We're going through the judgement forms Causey: Speaking in tongues. [Homo and processing and we're thinking he Causey whispers into Causey's ear.] No might actually be Homo Causey but we'll Homo Causey, we were never going to use get to that, later. [The Care-a-van's door that. Homo Causey, which is one of the opens.] There's Homo Causey right now. things why we're wondering if he might be Todd: How is Causey like the rock band Causey or The Will of Causey or Homo Creed? Causey, he wanted to name an album Causey: I used to smoke weed. "Causeyfornication." And we just didn't Todd: No, Creed. think that was very Causey and we Causey: I used to smoke weed... Oh, thought it was quite kind of homosexual, Creed. We're spiritual like Creed. We live and that kind of leads to other things. in the same area as Creed. Creed's from Reign Causey kind of has a shaded past Florida as well. We're all as fine as Creed. with a rock trio - they're not even a rock We're good-looking folks... Do you have trio and I don't even think they're rock - a something to say Homo Causey? [Homo secular band called The Red Hot Chili

I SLASHED TIRES. I SET FIRES. I DID ALL THAT STUFF, BUT ONE DAY SKATEBOARD- ING, I JUST BUSTED MY HEAD... I JUST CAME TO THE REALIZATION WHO I REALLY WAS AND WHAT WAS THERE FOR ME IN THE WAY. Causey: Mmm. Well, and just to clear Causey whispers into Causey's ear.] Peppers. things up, the only reason I know about Exactly. We've been know to ask the ques- Todd: What's the scariest movie Causey's Spinal Tap is because I did a lot of tion, "What is this life for?" And that's ever seen? research on the secular world, so I know about it. That's it. Pull quote. Causey: I think it was "The Gladiator" what you're talking about. Actually made Todd: I've read in print many times that because one of The Causey Way members The Causey Way members - the ACE you say that The Causey Way is not a went into that movie and he wasn't going - members - watch "The Spinal Tap" before band. I can understand if you were the first of all, I read all of the scripts before a we went out in our rock concerts and such. Backstreet Boys making that claim, but Causey member can perform in a movie. A lot of times we feel very Spinal Tap-ish are you not playing instruments? Some of the Causey people are in movies when, say, we get through a set and feel Causey: That goes back to earlier. The and such. I just didn't really agree with the that our amplifiers aren't working and we Causey Way is a way of life: The Causey script at all. He went against my word and realize they were on "standby." Or a Way. It's not a band. It's much bigger than went into this movie and I have to see that cable's not attached. We're not really up that. damn movie everywhere I go - the bill- there in the electronics. Sometimes we've Todd: Can you name your band some- boards and this and that - and to me, it's been known to get lost backstage, walking thing different, then? just a sign of one of the Causeys leaving around. Causey: The band is the ACE, which is me astray. Todd: What about your drummer situa- the entertainment on the compound. When Todd: And we're talking about Joaquim tion? Drummer number one was Birdstuff we go out into the secular world to build Phoenix, right? of Man or Astroman? and Servotron. the CCC - the Causey Conversion Count - Causey: Joaquim Causey, mmm hmm. He Causey: That's evident and that's obvious. we go under the name, The Causey Way, was called [phonetically] "Wa King" 48 Causey. Causey: All I can say, simply, is it's pound, the south fifty acres, and all of the Todd: Which has two meanings. something about the 1920s and women belongings go into there. And then we "Walking," as in the right path, and "Wa and film. I didn't agree with her because I have a whole group - there's about fifty of King," royalty. don't agree with the academics of the them - that actually refurnish all the old Causey: I don't think we should talk about world. Basically, because most of the aca- furniture, clothes, and a lot of the clothes, him any more. demic colleges don't allow Causey into if they're not too dark, we bleach them and Todd: Is Causey a poppa? their schools. try to clean them up a bit. Whatever we Causey: No, but I do like to think of all of Todd: It's like Germany's position on can't use, we give to the Goodwill or The my Causey Way congregation members as Scientology. Salvation Army. We're all about people children of mine and I try to take care of Causey: So, I'm kind of uptight with that doing better business and we know the them. whole situation, but I am glad to let you Goodwill and The Salvation Army are Todd: Besides joining the Causey Way, know that Dr. St. Causey is in Kalamazoo, doing good business now. They're mark- what's the second easiest way of obtaining Michigan, teaching at the Kalamazoo col- ing up. They're charging people a good salvation? lege. She's actually turned out about fifty amount of money. They're getting success- Causey: All I can say is that if you don't percent of the CCC from some of her stu- ful. The Causey Way has a little bit to do know, you don't believe. dents. She's back on track and doing really with that; thrift store prices going up. That Todd: How's your compound coming well. She's brought Causey into that along and how long's the water slide going Kalamazoo college. She's just done six to be? interviews with different colleges around SUMMER

Causey: How'd you hear about the water the country and she's brought up was kind of our plan. You can sell that slide? Did you get that on the web? Well, Causeyhood and Causey-ness to them and stuff for a lot more when people find out the compound is basically finished at this they seemed to want to bring that into that it was a Causey Way member's couch point. We are building a pool. We were their academic schedules. She'll probably or toilet seat cover. going to build two pools. One was going be teaching Causey. Todd: Causey, have you ever been beat to be full of water and one was going to be Todd: Was she in the Robert Palmer up while preaching the gospel? empty for the skateboard kids on the com- video "Addicted to Love"? Causey: It hasn't happened lately and it's pound, but I don't think we're going to do Causey: No. At that time she was still in not going to happen 'cause I've been train- that anymore. Plus, the fact we're ques- middle school. I think her and her brother, ing. And I'm sure if you've seen our ser- tioning the pool in general because some they actually got their parents to take them vices, you see that I have whipped ass in of the women are going to be wearing around the country touring with Blondie. my time. I just challenge anyone to come bikinis and the men might be getting crazy She really likes music from that perspec- up and punch me in the nose. too, and I can see a potential problem, so tive. Todd: Kind of like Houdini challenged I've got to think about that one for a little Todd: The Truth, she sang backup for anyone to punch him in the stomach. while. It is awfully hot in Florida, though, R.E.M. Is that correct? (Which actually got him killed.)... Button. and the demons come out and we've got to Causey: She did. And so did Reign What's with Button's helmet? drown those bastards. The water slide, at Causey. On the "Monster" album. Causey: It goes back to a couple different the moment, the template's drawn out and Todd: Do you know of any other work things we've touched tonight. My head it's going to be, probably, five hundred and they've done prior to The Causey Way? injury. That was the helmet that I should thirty feet. It's a damn long slide. Pretty Causey: They don't really want anyone to have been wearing. Well, it's a good thing much slides around the compound. It's just know about that past either, because, just I had that head injury, right, because the a bitch to walk up those steps. like all of us - I told you a little bit about whole Causey Way took off. That was my Todd: The EP, "Testimony," was put out skateboarding - but we just try to forget all helmet at the time. I wasn't wearing it, so by Fueled By Ramen. Are those people in of that and just focus on Causey. But we that was good. So Button wears it now. Less Than Jake? can say a thing or two about the R.E.M. For that reason and for the reason in Causey: The drummer has a tie with that because they've helped out with some Chapel Hill, North Carolina at one of our label. Those are some good folks. They're tithes and such for The Causey Way. first services, he was gay bashed by some from the Gainsville area as well. They're all right folks. really upset folks. Button has an eggshell- Todd: Dr. St. Causey got her Ph.D. in Todd: When somebody joins The Causey thin skull. He wears the helmet 24 hours, what? Way and becomes a full-fledged Causey, which doesn't make him so popular some Causey: English. Film studies. Film stud- do you have yard sales of all their earthly times, I guess. ies in English. belongings? Todd: Who's on the top of Causey's shit Todd: Do you know what her dissertation Causey: Actually, there's a big ol' ware- list right now? was? house we have on the left side of the com- Causey: That's more of the department of 49 The Truth, Reign Causey, and Summer Causey. They seem to have the angst in the ACE. Causey's all about love. He's good to everyone. Even that man who beat me up that time is not on my shit list. I forgave him. If I got down and thought about it, there would probably be a cou- ple people. You were a little bit ago. You didn't even bring it up but it got me pretty worked up - about David Koresh - and you didn't even have to say anything. But I know how you can get on my good list. It's by filling out the judgement form and becoming a Causey member. Otherwise, there is no shit list. You're either Causey or you're not Causey. Todd: What's your next step in world domination? Causey: Well, "world domination" would scare folks and make it sound like a Hitler type movement. My next step, though, is to get on out there and build a really nice gar- den. That's my personal goal. As far as The Causey Way and all the people that are counting on me to have a better life, when I get back, I'm in touch with this electrical engi- neer and we're building a frickin' rocket. Basically, it's

YOU CAN'T REALLY SEE AN ASS KICKING IN PRINT, BUT FOR THE READERS, WHEN THEY COME TO A CAUSEY WAY SERVICE, IF THEY BRING UP WHO I LOOK LIKE, THEY CAN GET AN ASS KICKING IN REAL LIFE.

Discography: going to hold about 2,000 people. The paperwork's going “Causey Is Everything” and "With Loving and Open Arms" to be out really soon. Whoever wants to go to a better place CDs/LPs on Alternative Tentacles, PO Box 419092, SF, CA - this is about 300 pages of paperwork and red tape and 94141-9092; stuff - but that's kind of way out there and I haven't really "WWCD - What Would Causey Do" CDEP on Put It On a discussed that, which I can't believe I'm going to let your Cracker Records, PO Box 2944, Gainsville, FL 32602; at the moment, but I'm going to get working on that "Testimony" CDEP on Fueled By Ramen Records, PO Box damned rocket. 12563, Gainsville, FL 32604; I love The Gossip. They rule. I have no qualms putting that statement right out there. They grooved hardcore for L.A. tonight, and everyone packed into Spaceland tonight took their brand of Southern, swamp, slither-rrock. Nathan (guitar,) Kathy (drums,) Beth (vocals,) and Sassy Lassy (dancer, of course,) love what they do. Their excitement and energy for their audience, music and each other is apparent. They’re a charming bunch of youngins that’ll liter- ally rock your shirts off. I got a chance to talk to the very sleepy and hungry Kathy and Beth after the swarm of adoring fans left for the night. INTERVIEW AND PHOTOS BY KAT JETSON Kat: In your CD sleeve you mention that you'd like people to send you mix tapes, which I thought was a genius idea. I know your CD has only been out for a couple of weeks, but have you received any yet? Beth: I actually stole that idea from The Bangs. Kat: My friend said she'd make a mix CD, but I told her they probably need… Kathy: No, we need tapes for the van. Beth: We haven't gotten any yet. Kat: You went on tour opening for Sleater-Kinney this past summer. Was that your first tour? Beth: Yeah. Kat: How did you get on that tour? Kathy: Carrie (Brownstein - guitarist for Sleater-Kinney) saw us play at a party and I guess she saw us a couple of other times after that, and (she) just asked us to play. Kat: I have to tell you, before your show I was dancing to "Hott Date." I had it on repeat and got funky for you from home. Beth: [laughs] Kat: I knew I wouldn't be able to dance much with my camera tonight. and it was really amazing, 'cause, like… I their attention. Beth wonders if they got Beth: Awesome! That's awesome. dunno, it was a big deal to me because paid. Kathy looks ready to get some shut Kat: What did you learn on tour? I mean, people don't think boys deal with body eye, and rests on Beth's legs. Beth runs her seeing as your first tour was with such an issues, like it being a problem. But that fingers through her friend's hair and says, established band, it had to have been a was a really brave guy. I thought "This is "Your hair is so thick. I want it on my good experience. good. This is what I wanna do." head." They seem so genuinely close with Beth: I learned about getting along with [Toast comes by and offers her place to each other. It's a rare, sweet moment in people in the band. And how hard it can stay for the night, but they've got a place rock and roll. be. Not like you're like "Goddamnit!", it's in Whittier already. They contemplate More people come up and thank them just nice when you get to be alone. Just going to a party, but agree that they are for a great show. Almost as if they really being patient. For me, touring with too tired. And then wonder if they should want them to know that tonight's show Sleater-Kinney… they're great. They took stay at Toast's. But then realize they have was special to them.] us because they liked us. I just think that to talk to Nathan, but he's off getting some Kat: Do you remember the first song you was really awesome. They took a band food. With all this confusion and uncer- wrote? I mean, it could even be a song you that they wanted to see, maybe? tainty, Beth slaps her hands to tops of her wrote when you were a kid. Kathy: Me, too. Just getting along with thighs and questions whoever will listen, Beth: Ok, first grade, I wanted to have a people and being patient. "God! Why are we never all together?" It's band called "Star," and I would write all Kat: Well, you're in a van with each other very cute. the songs. I used to write songs all the every day. Your interviewer seems to have lost time. I wanna say the first song I wrote Beth & Kathy [said wearily]: Yeah. Kat: What do you do with your down time? Beth: We shop a lot. Kathy: We spent a lot of money. Kat: So they give you the money each night and you're like, "Let's shop!" Beth: Yeah, I came home broke last time. Paid my rent, bought some groceries and that was it. I was broke. Kat: But it must have been so cool to get out there and just play for the kids. Beth [so enthusiastically]: It was amaz- ing! Kat: I mean, I can't believe how you got the audience going when I saw you on the Sleater-Kinney tour. I've never seen any- thing like that. Beth: It's great when people actually like us, and they feel comfortable enough to dance. It doesn't happen a lot. Kat: And take off their shirts, at that! Beth: I know! Kat: You had chicks taking off their shirts tonight. Beth: Even this fat boy took off his shirt was when I was six. Together, as a band… coming out of Arkansas. I don't mean that Sassy Lassy: It's the best. I would dance "And You Know" was probably the first. in a band way, it's just… with any of my friends that asked me. Most of the songs we have, are like… Kathy: No, it's true. Kat: Are you from Olympia, too? we used to be the Rock and Roll Babies Beth: We didn't have any intentions to Beth [answering for Sassy]: She was born before we were The Gossip. We were the moving to Olympia. I had no idea that was and raised in Olympia. She's one of the Rock and Roll Babies for like a month. where I was gonna end up after I graduat- few people FROM Olympia, that LIVES So our songs now are mostly songs from ed. That's what's so great about The IN Olympia. that band taken apart and put back togeth- Gossip, I think. Is that we didn't plan to Kat: There was this band Hazel that had a er. play together, we just all ended up moving dancer, too. Kat: And you all met in Arkansas? to Olympia and got together. Nothing was Kathy: I remember Hazel. They had a Kathy: Yeah. prefabricated. There was no, "We're gonna dancer? Kat: It's amazing that you found three be in a band, and it's gonna sound like Kat: Yeah. There was this guy, with a cool people in Arkansas! this." Everything just happened, from beard, and he would just go crazy. Beth: There's a fourth person from putting out a record, to touring with Beth: For Hazel? How weird. Searcy. I have a picture of him on my bag. Sleater-Kinney, to getting together in Kathy: Is this the band with Pete Krebs? Kat: I saw the button on your bag. Olympia. Kat: Yeah, and Jody Bleyle. Speaking of Beth: All four of us were the Searcy Kat: Have you ever called into a radio sta- dancing. What makes you get up and Babies. His name's Jerry. It really, serious- tion and dedicated a song to someone? dance? ly amazes me. I think everything happens Beth: Like for love? Kathy: The White Stripes. for a reason. We lived in this shitty town. Kat: I think I dedicated "Let's Get Kat: They wear tight clothing. We were smart kids; we saw through peo- Physical" by Olivia Newton John to some- Beth: Oh my God, he wears the tightest ple's bullshit, in this really fucked up, one when I was in fourth grade. clothing in the world. Christian town. The fact that all four of us Beth: [laughs.] Kat: So do you dance to anything? noticed each other, and started to become Kat: And I didn't even know what it Beth: I dance to EVERYthing. Bikini Kill friends with each other and get along so meant. really makes me dance. I know this well amazes me. It was totally meant to Beth: I don't think I ever did. There's this because I was watching this video that we be. I know that even if the band is not country radio station in Arkansas and you made. Me and some friends were making together forever, that we will always be could call in dedications, but I really didn't breakfast and Bikini Kill was playing, and friends. have anyone to dedicate anything to. everybody, without even looking up at Kat: Did you actually play shows in [Dancer Sassy Lassy is there, just hanging each other, they were kinda just moving Arkansas? Or not until you moved to out, and I wonder…] around, and before you know it we're all Olympia? Kat: Does Sassy Lassy dance with you all over the place. Kathy: No, we never played together (in the time? Kat: If you were in a convenience store Arkansas). Beth: Well, no. She's not a big Olympia right now, what would you buy? Kat: I would think that would be near dancer. Beth: I would buy one of those sandwich- impossible. To find places to play there. Kat: That must be a cool job, just getting es that come in a bag, and it's really soggy. You don't ever hear of bands up there and dancing all night. And a Mountain Dew, because Mountain 54 Dew is my drink of choice. And some Cheetos. Kat: Right on! Kathy: Oh God. [pause for some think time] Band-Aids. Kat: Would they have cool characters on them, or would they be just plain-ole Band-Aids. Kathy: Plain Band-Aids. Beth: Because she's responsible and I'm the hungry one. Kat: You were talking on stage about inspiration for some of your lyrics, and I was wondering, you have a song with the lyric, "Mama always warned me about girls dressed in black," and I was curious if your mom really did? Beth: No, never. Mama's beautiful. Amazing. I couldn't ask for a better mom. Kat: And you even have MAMA tattooed on your arm. (It's actually a tattoo of an anchor with "MAMA" written in a ban- ner.) Beth: Yeah! She hasn't seen it yet, and we're going home to Arkansas. I'm so excited for her to see it. I took a picture of it to send to her. Interview and Photos by Sean and Todd I found out that you don't interview what were some of your apprehensions? when we actually pulled it out and went in Shawn Stern of Youth Brigade, you play What did you fear as a musician? and Mark remastered it, we found out that it his straight man. It's been eighteen years Shawn: You know, the thing is, we never wasn't the recording that was bad, it was since the "Someone Got Their Head Kicked really thought about what we were doing. just the master. And if you listen to "Out of In" comp and the "Another State of Mind" Everything came out of necessity. If we Print," which is basically that album with tour. Eighteen years of tours, broken down needed to play a show, it wasn't a matter of some outtakes from over the years, it buses, shows, punks, beers, drunks, shady options. If we wanted to do a show, we sounds fine and the songs are good, we like businessmen, and cheating club owners. needed to do it ourselves, because there the songs, but they're just different songs Eighteen years watching some friends weren't any other possibilities. Same thing that we never bothered to re-record become famous and some fade into obscuri- with putting out a record. We didn't think, because, by that point, we were just so sick ty. All the while, Youth Brigade has been "Should we try to get on a major? Should of those songs and we'd written a bunch of pretty consistent about holding their we check out some of these other labels," new ones. We'd written "Sink with ground, writing and playing great songs. On 'cause there really weren't any other small California" and "Men in Blue" which top of that, Mark and Shawn Stern have labels. We never really thought of doing weren't on that first album. We kept the spent eighteen years with BYO, putting out anything except doing it ourselves. ones we liked, we dumped the ones we cool records that span, musically, from the Todd: Why did you guys release "The were sick of, and that's how it happened. early eighties Nard-core days to the upcom- Sound and Fury" twice with different Sean: I was thinking before the show that ing new Leatherface album. remixes and different songs so close to each you had that song about Ronnie and his After a few beers and a great live show, other, and a different cover on each? merry men... Shawn was pumped up to talk about the Shawn: Yeah, actually, what happened is Shawn: "Jump Back" whole eighteen years of Youth Brigade and we decided to start the label, and we knew a Sean: Have you thought about redoing that, BYO. All I had to do was give him a topic lot of bands and were friends with a lot of modernizing it, making it appropriate for and hold the tape recorder. bands. So between the money that we stole the next president? from Godzilla's (an early eighties LA club) Shawn: No, I never thought about it. I used Sean: Where does Youth Brigade end and and the money that we made from the to love playing that song live but Mark BYO begin? Are you both the same entity? Youth Movement '82 show, we got the bus hates it. He's a big baby so... You know, the Shawn: No. Youth Brigade's a band. It's and decided to start the label. We decided thing I loved about that second version of me, Mark, and Adam whereas BYO's a to do a comp to start it off. It was a good "Sound and Fury" is that it had a sense of label that's me and Mark. Adam has noth- idea to get bands that weren't really popular humor. There were a lot of fun moments on ing really to do with it other than the band or were just sort of up and coming and to it that we captured. It was very sponta- he plays in happens to be on BYO, and he get them known by doing something with neous. We would be recording a song and I gets a lot of advantages that way. And he's more popular bands or bands that had a big- would say, "I got this idea. Let's just do in Royal Crown Review. Our little affiliate ger name. And then we decided to do the this." And Mark would, Mark's kind of… label, Big Daddy, put their record out as tour. That was the Someone Got His Head Mark's kind of just sometimes a party poop- well. Kicked In tour and... 'cause we'd gotten this er. But we did it ("Jump Back") at the end Sean: It's been eighteen years since bus... I don't know, that was Mark's crazy of "What Would the Revolution Change" - "Another State of Mind" came out, and at thing. "Check out the schoolbus. Mark "I'm an Individual" and all that sort of stuff. that time, no one was really putting together bought a schoolbus for fifteen hundred That was totally improvised. And I just record labels on their own. I mean, there bucks." So we figure, all right, it would be said, "Follow me. I'm going to try this were punk rock record labels, but it was smart to put out an album out before we did thing," like a Marines sort of thing, rah, rah, you and Dischord who started... a tour. So we ran into the studio and rushed rah. We did it and it came out pretty cool. Shawn: Yeah, and Epitaph had started out an album. We recorded it at Mystic. "Jump Back," I mean, we pretty much around that time but they didn't put much After we had recorded it, we pressed out a wrote that in the studio. I think I had a seed out. Well, they pretty much just put out Bad thousand copies or eight hundred copies, I of an idea a long time ago. I don't know. Religion. And Frontier, although, personal- think. We went on the road and by the third That was eighteen years ago. Jesus Christ. ly, I think what Lisa Fancher did was good. show, we had a copy of it and we sat down But I kind of remember, there were a few She got some classic bands. Same thing and listened to it and it sounded like shit. songs where we'd do that, you know, "I've with Posh Boy. But I personally look at the Just the quality of the recording sounded got an idea but it's not really fleshed out," labels that were part of the scene, the labels bad and we thought the production was and we didn't really work it out in the stu- started by people in bands like Dischord, really bad. We liked the songs, but when dio - I mean in the rehearsal studio - and ourselves, Epitaph, Alternative Tentacles, we listened to it, we said, "Fuck, this is then we got in the studio, and we start Touch and Go, and there's some other lame." We called back to LA where we'd recording, and we just start playing with it, smaller ones that didn't survive, but those made the stupid deal with Mystic to distrib- and it comes out great. That's the fun thing are the ones that survived, and of course Fat ute the first thousand copies. We said, about Thom Wilson is that he was really Mike started Fat way later, in the nineties. "Stop. Don't press any more of this Youth open to that. When we went to record in the And there were some other early ones that Brigade album. Don't sell any more." So beginning, we didn't really have anything were mostly started by business people who most of the stuff we sold on the road on that worked out. After about two days, he said, may have been fans, but they weren't really. tour, only a couple of hundred copies and "You know what, you guys aren't ready to Sean: Like Mystic. the rest of it, you know, we had a bunch of record this album. I don't think I can work Shawn: Yeah, Mistake. That's what I call it at our place and some of it was distrib- with you on this because it's not ready." We them. And Dangerhouse was a good label, uted. didn't have enough songs. But that record, it but that was like the early scene, so they So when we got back, we just said, fuck, was fun, really a learning process, and it were more about - well, Dangerhouse was we've written a bunch of new songs. Let's worked out well. I think it's one of the best cool, and it was people in bands, but they go in and record the album again. We've things we ever did. were more about putting seven inches out. taken some time. We know what works and Sean: Looking back over all this time of And then it became Slash. And Slash were what doesn't. So we re-recorded it. We being independent and putting out your more business people. They did the maga- recorded it with Thom Wilson and we own stuff, what different things has that zine, and they split and started to deal with recorded a bunch of new songs, and we allowed you to do musically? I know the majors, and that was the end of that. liked the new songs better. And people kept you've had a number of offshoots and Sean: When you first started to do BYO, bugging us to re-release that thing. And smaller bands that you've 57 each been in and put out different kinds of Brigade then we'll keep some of our fans," Shawn: The Crowd, NOFX, and the list albums. What kind of freedom... but, uh, it was a dumb idea, we shouldn't goes on and on and on, many, many bands. Shawn: Well, actually, Royal Crown have done that. Sean: Well, rather than bad-mouthing Review, in the beginning, we couldn't give Todd: So it was a compromise? him... that record away. Nobody knew what the Shawn: Yeah, we were almost a different Shawn: I'll badmouth him all day, the old fuck it was. People would love them live band with what we were doing. Keeping fuck. I tell people they should go over to and buy the records at the shows, but I the Brigade was kind of shitty because we his house and kick his ass. You don't even couldn't get distributors to do anything with kept playing Youth Brigade songs, too. We have to kick his ass. Just go over and it. But then when the swing thing blew up, should've just changed the name entirely. threaten him and he will give you money. after my brothers weren't in the band any And then when we got back together, yeah, You could take things from his house. longer, we sold a shitload of that record. It well, we were Youth Brigade. What's he gonna do? At least take your was crazy. We made a lot of money off that Todd: I have a question. Did anyone ever master tapes back and say, "You can no record. It was cool. tell Agression (an early band on BYO) that longer make this record. And if I ever see All in all, it's pretty amazing that we're their name was spelled wrong? you making another one of these records able to do what we love to do, which is Shawn: Yeah, we knew it, but they were I'm gonna come over and fuck you up, old play music, and we pretty much make a liv- like, "It's us," you know. I don't know what man." It never ceases to amaze me that no ing off of it. It's pretty cool. I'm pretty the fuck it was. band ever did that. happy about it. Todd: Didn't they just have a tribute for We went in there. We made this deal. I Sean: There were other side bands, weren't Mark Hickey? mean, it's a long story but when we record- there, like That's It? Shawn: Yeah, we went to Hawaii on the ed the record, he gave us some credit Shawn: Yeah. That's It were doing okay, twenty-eighth of September, played a show because we didn't have enough money, then and then my brothers met up with me when on the thirtieth with Guttermouth and he started telling me... I mean, he did help they were on tour with Royal Crown, and Swingin' Utters, then stayed for two weeks, out giving us information about how to dis- they suggested, "Let's do a Youth Brigade surfed, surfed the fucking North Shore tribute and getting paid by distributors. And reunion thing," and I started running the which is fucking humbling. The place is he came up with the idea of pretty much label again and they were busy doing Royal gnarly, crazy. Then we came back on a what Mordam became which was, take a Crown, so That's It fell by the wayside. Thursday and played the benefit up north company that takes a bunch of labels Todd: Why did it become "The Brigade" two days later with Dr. Know and Ill together as an umbrella organization and after Youth Brigade, and then back to Repute and the Grim... deals with the distributors and takes a per- Youth Brigade after you were less youth- Todd: Nardcore. centage off of the top and has more power ful? Shawn: Yeah, nardcore. We kind of feel that way. Because you're only as good as Shawn: What happened was we went to responsible for helping nardcore establish your next release. So if you want the new Europe in '84 and Adam decided when he itself by putting out the Agression record hot release that we've got, then you better got back, he said, "Look, I'm going to go and putting them on the comp and then pay us for all these other releases, and so back to school and finish my degree." So putting their full lengths out, but unfortu- on and so forth. Which sounded like a good we got another bass player. We sort of nately that introduced Doug Moody to idea, but we were kind of like, well, we debated back and forth, should we change punk rock, and he got all those bands to do want to do our own thing. And he said, the name? Mark and I both agree that we records, which is a shame. I mean it's good "Well, you owe me money, I'll give you made a mistake. We thought, "Well, it's not that they got to do records but he fucking credit, you should give me a break, let me really Youth Brigade any more but if we ripped them all off, blindly. do it." So we said all right. We let him do it change the name entirely... If we keep the Todd: He's still ripping them off. He's still on a limited basis for the first couple of 58 ripping off the Crowd. records. Then we came back from tour, "Another State of Mind" and we said, "All did with Steve. We did it in just a few days. Todd: Cock Sparrer? right, what's up? How many did you sell? It came out really good. We're really happy Shawn: Cock Sparrer I liked. They were Where's the money?" He kept saying, "I with it. We figure, if we could make a sort of that second generation along with don't know." So we said, "Okay. We're record like that, we might as well make a Vice Squad and Antipasti. But Cock done with you. We're not working with you full-length. So we've been talking about it. Sparrer never came over here. Vice Squad anymore." He was just being a jerk about Hopefully next year we'll have one. I've got and Antipasti did. So we were friends with paying us our money. And the pressings to write some songs. them. I wouldn't say I was inspired by were in his name. All the parts were in his Todd: What are some bands that are inspi- them, but I liked what they were doing. name. We couldn't press our own records rational now and how do they differ from Todd: So what about nowadays and what's And we were at the Cathay de Grande the bands that inspired you in the very changed between the two? because Mystic Studios was right down the beginning? I mean, were you inspired by Shawn: Now I'm somebody who has been street about a half a block from the Cathay the Germs, the Eyes, the Controllers, the doing it for a long time, so it's not like I'm de Grande . We were there at some show, Skulls? some kid who's checking out these bands and the guys from Agression were there Shawn: No. I wasn't really inspired by for the first time. There are lots of good and some of our friends. We were sitting them. I used to go see them. The Germs, I bands out there. They sound like this band. there drunk, talking like, "Yeah!" We mean, they were groundbreaking in what They sound like that band. They play really marched over there like Frankenstein's they did, but the weren't a very good band. well. They write okay songs. Like mob. I beeped the buzzer. "Hey Doug, it's I don't think they were that amazing, but if Lagwagon. They're a good band, but they Shawn from Youth Brigade. Can I come you were really fucked up and Darby was sound like NOFX. Millencollin, all of those up?" "Yeah, come on up." So we go up the really fucked up, they would be amazing Swedish bands sound like Bad Religion. stairs and all these guys come in and we're live. But that had a lot to do with how There's tons of bands like that. But what like, "We're gonna kick your ass. You bet- fucked up you were. It's kind of like Iggy, separates the good bands from the great ter call the studio and tell them to give us but Iggy wrote better songs. But the were bands is that the good bands sound like so our parts back. We don't want nothing more groundbreaking. The Eyes, the Controllers, many bands and the great bands take all to do with you." "Okay. Okay. Okay." He the Skulls, they were okay bands. their influences and may remind me of this, shit his pants. And that was the end of our Personally, I was more... the first punk or they remind me of that, but they are relationship with him. band I saw was the Dickies, and I was way them, you know. Like Swingin' Utters, At Unfortunately, the nardcore bands did more inspired by them. They blew me the Drive In, One Man Army, Dillinger not learn from our experiences, despite away even though they were more of a Four, Hot Water Music, Leatherface. You what we told them. commercial band. And I loved F-word. But know, if I could have all those bands on my Sean: So what are you guys doing next? X was the shit. I used to go see X, and it label, I'd be fucking very happy. Well, I got What's the next thing after the split with the was amazing, man. They didn't have a Leatherface. Anti-Flag, Bouncing Souls, Swingin' Utters? record out, but everybody would be singing their first two records. I think that they're Shawn: Uh, we've been talking about mak- all their songs. Them, the Screamers, even not really... I don't know what it is, if ing an album, so I guess I need to write though the Screamers never put a record they're trying to be more commercial or... some songs. out, live they were one of the most amazing They're still a great band, a great band live, Sean: Or just go into the studio with Thom bands. The Bags were great. And I had a they write okay songs, but I don't know Wilson. band, the Exchange. I was in the band, what it is. They're not reaching the way Shawn: Thom Wilson gets a lot of money Mark and I were, so we played with most they were in their first two records. now. He did all the early Offspring stuff. of these bands. And I saw a lot of bands. I Todd: That was a pretty good list. He's a millionaire. I mean, we've worked saw the Dead Boys. I saw the Clash. I was Sean: Yeah, you're listening to with him. He mixed our "To Sell the Truth" very impressed by a bunch of English the same things we are. record. And we love working with Thom bands: the Clash, the Jam, Sham 69, Stiff Shawn: Pretty much. but we can't afford the guy anymore. We Little Fingers, Cockney Rejects, work with Steve Cravak. Like the split we Buzzcocks, Undertones, Magazine... I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE WHOLE IDEA THAT, BEHIND EVERY GREAT MAN, THERE’S A GREAT WOMAN.

Something like the stories of George Washington coming home from Valley Forge and Martha waiting there for him with a bong and a big fat bowl packed.

Then I thought of Fat Mike (who’s kind of like a punk rock George Washington, if you’re drunk and living in my brain) because in the last couple of years, he managed to tour with Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, tour with NOFX, and write, sing, and play a bunch of funny songs on two cool NOFX albums. And then there’s Fat Wreck Chords, which So that led to the next obvious question: has recently put out great albums by established has anyone ever interviewed them together? bands like the Swingin’ Utters and Avail, cool And, surprisingly, no one has... until now. albums by new and unknown bands like Fabulous Todd and I got a chance to sit down with them Disaster, and even rescued a few bands from at the DIY Bowling tournament in Vegas. major label obscurity. Here’s what they told us about good business, I’m sure I wasn’t alone in wondering how one man bad business, friends, punk rock, sex toys, can do so much. Is there a great woman behind him and Fat Mike’s dad. swinging a riding crop? Of course there is. It’s Erin, his wife Interview by Sean and Todd and partner in Fat Wreck Chords. Pictures by Todd Sean: In your relationship, who’s the had the office meeting and they were like, Erin: Yeah. It was actually pretty funny superhero and who’s the sidekick? “No.” And we didn’t do it. because Jord from Propagandhi just called Mike: I’d say probably I’m the super- Todd: So how’s the Dillinger Four com- me the other day and he was like, “I’m hero, but maybe in our sexual relation- ing along? confused, you guys gave us money on this ship, it’s probably the other way. Mike: I don’t know. We’d like to have record four years ago but it never seems to Todd: Since you opened it up already, them on our label, but you know they’re show up on any of our royalty statements. have you ever had sex in the Fat Wreck talking to Epitaph. I like those guys a lot. Are you ever gonna charge us back for Chords office? Cool guys. that?” And I’m like, “It took you four Mike: Yeah. Todd: Great guys. years to make the record. When the record Erin: Yeah. We have. Sean: Great band. Is there any band you comes out, I’m gonna charge you back.” Todd: On an employee’s desk or on your can think of that you really wanted to sign He said, “Wow, that’s pretty cool. You own? but weren’t able to get? just loaned us that money for four years.” Mike: It wasn’t on a desk, actually. It Mike: That’s a good question. “We’re waiting. The fans are waiting.” was in a chair. Erin: Yeah, it is a good question. Mike: We really don’t push bands at Fat, Todd: Erin, you’ve been with Fat since Mike: I don’t think so. at all, to record or do tours. Like I never its inception, is that correct? Erin: Yeah, I can’t think of one. called up Propagandhi and said, “Hey, Erin: Yeah. When it started, it started as Mike: The one band I really wanted to how about a new record?” Whenever a a side project. Mike was touring and the sign was Snuff, and I got them. band’s ready. first thing we did was a NOFX seven Todd: How long was the courtship with Todd: What’s the largest change in oper- inch. It was just a very small little thing, Snuff, because Snuff was gone for a bit? ating Fat over the last five years? and when he went on tour, I’d do all the Mike: Well, we toured Guns and Wankers Mike: Not too much. We profit-share mail order and handle everything. In the in England and I knew Duncan had been now. beginning, it wasn’t really a business. It in Snuff and he told me, “Me and Simon Erin: Yeah, we just started that. As you was kind of like a hobby. are starting to jam again.” He said, “But get more and more bands, I think the Mike: Right. She was supporting us. there’s no money.” I said, “Hey, if you biggest thing we changed was a little bit of Erin: I was. I used to work in public rela- guys get Snuff back together and use the our sound. Like, in the very beginning, we tions. name Snuff, I’ll give you a big old bonus.” had a real core Fat Wreck Chords sound Mike: And I was making my two grand a I gave them fifty grand or something. and then, probably with what - maybe Sick year in NOFX. Todd: Wow. of It All was the first band - do you think? Erin: We got engaged and I thought, I’m Mike: He’d never made anything in the Mike: Yeah. gonna have to support this guy for the band before. So he did that and because of Todd: Swingin’ Utters, too? rest of my life, but you know what, it’s that, they got back together. It’s been awe- Erin: Swingin’ Utters were a little bit dif- okay. It’s all right. I can handle it. And some. ferent, but Sick of It All was really the then look what happened. It turned out Sean: Have there been any recordings that first real hard core band we signed and okay. have come back from the studio and that was a real big departure for us. Todd: It turned out pretty good. you’ve just flat refused to put out? Todd: Did Ryan Greene do Sick of It All, Sean: How broke would Fat Wreck Erin: There have been some that we too? Chords be if you weren’t doing the should have refused. Mike: Did he produce? No. He only does accounting? Todd: Such as? like a third of our records. But, profit-shar- Erin: I think we’d be a lot broker. I defi- Erin: I don’t know if we should say that. ing is this year. It’s the newest thing we’ve nitely think so. That’s where Mike and I - Mike: Yeah, we can’t say that. done. Everyone who works there gets a that’s one of our big arguing points is Erin: There have definitely been records share of our profits. about money. that, once we got it, we weren’t happy Sean: What’s the last thing you spent a Mike: Because I don’t care. with it. heepload of money on that didn’t turn out Erin: He doesn’t care. Mike: We’ve had a lot of bands remix. the way you wanted it to? Mike: And she cares. Todd: Didn’t Propagandhi remix a couple Mike: Dance Hall. Erin: And I care. It matters to me that we of times, three times? Erin: Dance Hall Crashers. watch everything. And he just takes the Mike: We had Propagandhi remix. We Todd: How so? What part did you lose path of least resistance. Whatever’s easi- had Zero Down remix. We had Strung Out money on? er, he just goes, “Ah, okay.” And I try to remix. There are probably five or six Erin: We gave them too much money. look at all the numbers and the figures bands. Mike: They asked for a real big advance and budget it and go, “Well, we shouldn’t Erin: Well, Propagandhi went into the and we gave it to them. We didn’t really really be doing this.” Which is actually a studio like five times in the last four years want to, but, you know, they’re friends of good mix. to make this record. mine and I like their records, so I gave it Mike: It is a good mix. Mike: Probably five times. to them. Todd: So who signs the bands? Who’ll Erin: I think they did. They actually went Erin: Sometimes that’s a hard line do the creative talent scouting? in, then sometimes they would just cancel because, it’s really cool, most of the bands Erin: Mike. it. on the label, we’re really good friends Mike: I sign and I scout. But we also Mike: Finished the record then said, “No, with. Very close personal friends with, have a meeting once or twice a week. An we’re going back to redo guitars, to which is great. But then sometimes there’s office meeting, and I’ll bring up a band remix.” kind of a weird balance when business and ask, yes or no. And if everyone’s Erin: We gave them money for the record gets in the way and, you know, if we get a like, “That’s lame,” then we pretty much four years ago. record that maybe we’re not that happy don’t sign them. Mike: Four years ago, we gave them an with or maybe we feel like we’ve over- Erin: It’s definitely happened before advance for this record. spent, it does get a little uncomfortable. when we were interested in bands and we Sean: It came out well. It’s a good record. Because we really love these 61 Todd: What’s the largest change in operating Fat over the last five years? Mike: Everyone who works there gets a share of our profits.

women become more aggressive, people think they’re a bitch and a lot of women don’t want to be a bitch. So it’s harder to be ambitious in that way and get some- where if you still have this insecurity thing. You want people to like you. You don’t want people thinking you’re a bitch or an asshole, but if you try to be ambi- tious and get somewhere, it’s a lot harder. It’s different. Todd: How much has gentrification become a factor in the last couple of years, living in San Francisco? You have a pretty big warehouse and you’re well-located. Mike: Our rent is going to be raised from Brian Archer, Fat employee, reaping the benefits sixty-five cents to four dollars a square foot. people, but… comp and a lot of those bands that were on Todd: Are you going to stay in the same Mike: What’s really cool about a lot of our other labels, they called us up afterwards. place? bands is that they don’t even ask for money And they’re like, “That’s the first time I’ve Mike: Probably not, unless we can make up front. They’re really reasonable ever gotten a royalty check. You guys actu- some kind of a deal. But our landlord is because we give them a real good royalty ally sent us money.” trying to rent it out for four bucks a square rate. Half our bands, all the records are Sean: That’s great. Erin, why do you think foot in another year to a year and a half. recouped, so advances don’t really mean there aren’t more women in punk rock? Todd: Does that scare you? anything. It just means getting it a little Erin: I think there aren’t more women Mike: Sure. sooner. because I think it’s tough. I think there Erin: Yeah, because we have to move out Todd: What about the Muffs? aren’t enough women who, well, first of all, of the city and I don’t want to. Mike: The Muffs, too. The Muffs wasn’t play their instruments properly. But I don’t Todd: Would you go to Oakland or would too special for us, either. need to say that. I mean, it’s such a male- you go somewhere else? Erin: We don’t even have contracts with a dominated industry that it’s hard. For Mike: Probably put a warehouse in lot of our bands. We’ve never had a contract instance, last year, you know on the Warped Oakland. with Good Riddance or Hi-Standard. The Tour they did a Lady’s Lounge. They had Erin: Yeah. I think we’d have to split up last two Lagwagon records, no contract. A this idea that they wanted an all-female the company. We’d have to have an off- lot of our bands, it’s just, we’re such good stage. And Kevin Lyman? called me up and site warehouse and then just have offices, friends that we come to an agreement. asked my opinion on that. He said, “We’re which I don’t really want to do. I like us all Everybody sticks to it, and it doesn’t really doing a Lady’s Lounge on the Warped being together. First of all, I think it would have to be in writing. It’s kind of cool. Tour, what do you think of that?” And I suck for the warehouse people. Part of Todd: Are there any people who were in said, “I think the bands you’re talking what’s fun about working at our label is, bands who aren’t anymore who are still about, like maybe the Lunachicks, they even if you’re just doing mail-order or pestering you for royalties? don’t want to be on a female-only stage. even if you’re just warehouse staff, you’re Mike: You don’t have to pester us. They want to compete on their own level, there with everyone else. The bands come Todd: Or do they think you’re holding out not because they’re women, but because in a lot. It’s more social. on them, saying, “That record sold twice as they’re good.” Mike: We all play ping-pong after work. many as you reported.” Or something like Todd: Right. You don’t want to make a We do a lot of stuff together. Go out a lot. that. ghetto. Erin: Yeah, we do a lot of stuff. Like this Mike: I don’t think so. Like one girl was Erin: Exactly. Vegas trip. We’re all really close, and I in No Use For a Name. She played on one Mike: I don’t even think you can even ask think if we split it up, it’d be lame. record. She still gets a couple thousand that question because women are not a very Mike: When we have meetings, it’s not bucks every six months. big part of any music industry. It’s not punk just the higher ups. Pretty much everyone Todd: Wow. rock. It’s any kind of music. There are good goes to the meetings. Mike: And she hasn’t been in the band in women bands here and there, but it’s a Sean: What’s the strangest place a Fat like, eight years. male-dominated industry. song has ended up? Erin: We’ve always paid our royalties on Sean: Why do you think that is? Mike: I can’t really think of anything. time and in full. A lot of independent labels Mike: I don’t know. Maybe boys practice Erin: “Taxi Cab Confessions”? That’s not out there have a hard time with royalties. guitar more when they’re kids. really weird. Like we did that hundred and one band Erin: Well, there is this problem that when Mike: Yeah, we opened up “Taxi Cab 62 Confessions” on HBO. Oh, this is weirder. The new Judy Garland special has a Floyd : Fat activated his dental plan. Gimme Gimmes’ song. Todd: What has been the largest offer for Todd: Excellent. To a different last name? money for a song that you didn’t give out? Erin: Yeah. Yeah. Mike: I’m gonna tell you. And it’s fucking Mike: We want to go for Dagger. ridiculous. And we turned it down. It was a Erin: I’ll be E Dagger and he’ll be Mike hundred and fifty grand for a Gimme Dagger. Gimmes song for, what was it, Lexus? Todd: That’s great. Erin: It was some car commercial. I don’t Sean: What was the coolest illegal wedding remember what it was. gift you got? Mike: Yeah, I think a Lexus car commer- Mike: I don’t think we got anything illegal. cial. We voted on it and we voted against Sean: Really? it. Erin: I don’t think we did get anything ille- Todd: Wow. gal. You know, when we got married, we’d Sean: A lot of Lexus owners Gimme never done drugs. Like, we didn’t do any- Gimme fans? thing weird. Mike: No. Other bands may have done it, Mike: He could’ve meant firearms. but I don’t want to be involved in that kind Erin: I don’t know. I thought he meant a of shit. When I think of Lenny Kravitz. I bunch a pot or whatever. We’ve been mar- mean, you think of one car you think of ried eight and a half years, so that was a Lenny Kravitz. while ago. It’s strange because we didn’t go Todd: Right. Are you going my way? to high school together, and neither one of Mike: Yeah, I don’t want that. And not us did the experimentation phase in high Todd: How was it? school. We stayed away from it. And even that we’d never do a commercial, but that Erin: It was funny because he did it on sounded totally lame. Movies. Movies are in college, really. And then, later, we’re Valentine’s Day, because he thought there like, might as well try it now. fine. If it’s a cool movie, that’s totally fine. was no possible way that I would ever Erin: Lagwagon had a pretty decent offer Mike: We just tried ecstasy for the first expect it. Like that’s the cheesiest time to time last year. for Sprite, and they turned it down. propose to somebody. Mike: Lagwagon were offered, I think, Erin: But I hated it. I’ll never do it again. Mike: Like, six months earlier, I’d said, Mike: I thought it was great. two hundred grand for a Sprite commer- “It’s so cheesy.” cial. Erin: I’m too much of a control freak for Erin: Right. anything like that. I can’t handle that shit. Erin: And they turned it down. It’s just so Mike: I gave her a ring and said, “So, will cheesy. Mike: Let’s get off drugs. ya’?” Todd: What ever happened to the band Todd: Did you ever write anything nasty Erin: I was actually quite shocked because on the matrix area - the dead wax area - of Slang? They were going to be the first or neither one of us really… We’d already second release on Fat Wreck Chords. a Face to Face record? been living together for three years when Erin: [laughs] Mike: Well, they turned into the Other. we got engaged and I already sort of felt Todd: Oh really, I didn’t know that. Mike: I don’t know [laughs]. married. I thought we’d be together forever, Todd: Who drew first blood between you Mike: Slang was better, though. but I didn’t really believe in marriage and I Todd: Was Bommer (the drummer, who and Dr. Strange? don’t think he did so much, either. Mike: Oh, did we? That was Face to Face Mike: I never really believed in marriage. I that did that. We had nothing to do with just thought it was something to do. that. Erin: And I didn’t think we’d feel any dif- Erin: Yeah, that was the band. It wasn’t ferent. I felt married before I was married. Fat. Then, after we got married, I thought, it’s Todd: What did it say? Do you know? Do gonna feel the same. It did feel a little bit

Todd: What has been the largest offer for money for a song that you didn’t give out?

Mike: I’m gonna tell you. And it’s fucking ridiculous. And we turned it down. It was a hundred and fifty grand for a Gimme Gimmes song for, what was it, Lexus?

Erin: It was some car commercial. I don’t remember what it was. you remember? different. Mike: No. Mike: It did feel a little different. Erin: You know what? I don’t remember. Todd: Did you take his last name? Mike: We do drugs. We don’t remember a Erin: You know, I did. I hyphenated, which lot of things. was stupid. I shouldn’t have hyphenated. Todd: That’s perfect. It’s nothing but problems. No one can fig- Sean: When Mike proposed to you, did he ure it out. They don’t know how to alpha- take a knee? betize it. Erin: Did he take a knee? No. No, but it Mike: We’re gonna change our last name, was very romantic. anyway. was also in RKL) in the Other? for a band that’s built up a good fan base Erin: If you have to say what it is, shoot. Mike: Yeah. but isn’t making any money. Mike: It’s not that big of a deal. Todd: So do you think the people on Todd: Has any band on Fat gone gold? Erin: She found a sex toy. Honest Don’s feel like they’re on the Fat Mike: We don’t have any gold records on Mike: She said, “You need a jacket,” and farm team? Fat. she grabbed one of mine. When she Mike: It’s not supposed to be that. It’s just Erin: No. opened it up, she found a riding crop in the supposed to be bands that… Yeah. Sean: What do you consider a hit song or a pocket. Todd: What’s the separation or at least the hit for Fat? Erin: It was really awful. And she didn’t intent? Mike: We don’t have hit songs. I always say anything. Mike: It’s just supposed to be bands that we thought, just make a good record. Mike: She just like, lifted it out, looked at liked but didn’t really put on the label. Todd: What is the time frame from when it, put it back in. Erin: It’s supposed to be a little different “Punk in Drublic” (on Epitaph) came out Todd: Does your mom live in San sound. and when it went gold? Francisco? Mike: It is. It’s way poppier. Different Mike: It came out in ’92, never hit the Mike: No. Laguna. styles of music. I like Fat Wreck Chords to charts anywhere, and it went gold in 2000. Todd: Does she really have Misfits be pretty much just a hardcore punk label, Eight years to go gold. records? but everything is just watered down. Todd: And it still sells pretty well? Mike: No, but my dad met me at the air- Todd: Is there any separation at the label Mike: It still weekly. Every week it sells port once. He spray painted his hair orange itself? more than any other NOFX record. Even and he had punk clothes on. That was pret- Mike: No. It used to be. our new record. ty fucking embarrassing. Erin: We brought it back together. Todd: Really? Erin: So awful. Then he calls me up like a Todd: Didn’t Marc used to work separate- Mike: It still sells a thousand a week. month later. It was Mike’s birthday and he ly? Sean: When’s the new Dickies album goes, “I have this great idea what to do for Mike: He used to, but now everyone gets gonna come out? Mike’s birthday. Remember when I met the same everything. Mike: May. It’s done. you at the airport and I was dressed punk? Erin: We have the same staff working for Erin: Yeah, that was a labor of love Well, they have these life-sized cardboard both. because we love the Dickies and it’s like cutouts. I’m gonna get one of those made Todd: So why the name Pink and Black? pulling teeth to get them to finish a record. and he’ll put it in his office. [Erin tugs at her hair. It’s died pink and They’re not terribly organized. Mike: Then she’s like, “I don’t think that’s black.] Mike: They’ve been drugged for eighteen the best idea.” Erin: I don’t know. I was having a really years. They’re a little slow, now. Erin: “I don’t think he’d like that.” hard time coming up with a name. And Todd: Yeah, they’re great but their noodles Sean: Damn. I should’ve asked you about pink’s my favorite color but I didn’t want it are cooked. your parents right from the beginning. to be too girly. I don’t know. There’s really Erin: It’s literally like every day that Marc Todd: Erin, who was your teen idol? not much significance. Actually, Mike Tamo has to call them and go, “Okay guys, Erin: My teen idol. I don’t think I had a thought it up. I couldn’t think of a name and you got the studio time. Are you guys teen idol, but my favorite band was 7 Mike goes, “How about Pink and Black ready?” But it’s done. Seconds. I don’t know if I’d say that Kevin Records?” And I was like, “Yeah, I like Todd: Where and how did you guys meet? Seconds was my idol, but I was a big fan. that.” Mike: In college. Todd: Mike? Sean: Have you two ever died your hair the Erin: I left a note on his van to ask for a Mike: Darby Crash. same color at the same time? ride to Santa Barbara. Erin: I think what’s weird now is, like, Mike and Erin: No. Mike: Because I had NOFX spray painted now meeting people who, when I was fif- Todd: Unintentionally? Come home and on the side of my van and she knew we teen, I used to think were just it. This is so go, “Look, honey.” were playing Santa Barbara. We were lame, but when I was fifteen and I went to Erin: No. friends for about two years before we… we see Social Distortion, I was just like this Mike: I’m not gonna go pink and she’s not did it. geeky kid or whatever. Then, as an adult gonna go green. Todd: Do you have nicknames for one now, having a label and actually meeting Erin: I’ve had pink for like five years now. another? them and having a purpose and an identity I only dabble in the girl colors: pink and Erin: Yeah, but I don’t want to say. and a reason to talk to them. It’s weird shit. purple. Mike: Shmoopy. Mike: It’s so weird. Like when Jerry Only Todd: Do you guys ever worry that you’re Erin: Not Shmoopy. yelled, “Mike, come on out here and sing gonna be kind of like, I mean no offense, Mike: No, that’s “Seinfeld.” ‘Halloween.’” I was like, hell yeah. but kind of like the backwash for the Sean: If Mike has a sex change, will you Because when I was a kid, I used to think majors? You have the Muffs, Sick of It turn lesbian? being in the Misfits would be the greatest All… Do you have a feeling that people Erin: Yeah. shit ever. When shit like that happens, it’s will say that you’re not bringing in new tal- Sean: That’s a good answer. Where does he so weird. ent; you’re just taking established bands? keep his pornos? Erin: And having bands like that call and Mike: People won’t say that because, for Erin: Can I answer that? go, “Are you interested in our…” every band we take from the majors, we Mike: Sure. Mike: I have a little list in my office, like, sign four bands that are new. But yeah, we Erin: In a locked chest. Lee Ving, Jerry Only. All these people have picked up some major label bands. We Todd: When’s the last time that Mike’s called. Joey Shithead. Oh my God. signed Less Than Jake and that’s awesome. been terribly embarrassed? Erin: It’s just weird. They’re stoked. They’re seeing money. Mike: Oh, shit. The most embarrassed I’ve Todd: Have you ever been completely Erin: Yeah, and you know, if we don’t do ever been in my life was a while ago? starstruck? Have you ever just wanted to that, where are those bands gonna go? Erin: How long ago? A few weeks ago? meet that person, then you just blanked Because all those bands, they’re great bands Mike: At my mom’s house. No, like eight out? and they’re getting shit deals on majors. years ago. Mike: No, but I think meeting the Misfits They’re getting treated like crap. So it’s not Erin: Oh. That was bad. You don’t want to was really cool. There’s only two people I fair to them for us to not take them. tell that, though. Do you want to tell that? really wanted to meet in my life, and Mike: It’s a perfect situation Mike: It’s not that big of a deal. haven’t. Madonna and Kurt Cobain. And I 64 Todd: Have you ever had sex in the Fat Wreck Chords office?

Mike: Yeah.

Erin: Yeah. We have.

Todd: On an employee’s desk or on your own?

Mike: It wasn’t on a desk, actually. It was in a chair. never met those people. And I don’t even Todd: More sober thought. How many of Mike: No. It got sold to MCA? want to meet Madonna anymore. That was your friends have died since you began? Sean: And that’s why your song is at the just like, sex. Mike: I’d say only like… end of “The Chase”? Todd: The riding crop comes into play Erin: Three or four. Mike: No. once again. Mike: Close ones, like three or four. I know Todd: What day is it today, Mike? Erin: When I met the Misfits, I was ner- tons of old Hollywood punkers who’ve Mike: Sunday. vous. died, but no one who meant anything to me. Sean: Erin, do you make him shower more Todd: Was it the original line up? Todd: Is it true that, when rumors were fly- often than Wednesdays and Saturdays now? Mike: No. I actually met the Misfits in ’82. ing around that Epitaph was being bought Mike: Less. But it wasn’t meeting them, it was like, out by Interscope, you went down there and Erin: You know what? I gave up. That song “Hi. I like your band.” That was original said, “I want to buy all my stuff back so that is actually true. members. No Bobby Steel. you can’t sell it.”? Mike: She’s lucky if I go one a week. Erin: The first time I met Brian Baker, I Mike: No. We’d made some kind of agree- Erin: It sucks. You know, I got tired of it. was a little nervous. I thought that was ment during a record that we can buy back a There’s so many more important things for pretty cool. lot of our stuff if they sell to a major, but we me to nag him about. Like this is really not Sean: Was that before or after he was in have to pay a lot of money for it. So I don’t that important. But in the beginning, there Junkyard? know if that’ll ever happen. actually was a calendar posted on the inside Erin: That was actually before he was in Erin: [To Todd] That’s partially true what of the bathroom with Wednesdays and Junkyard. you said. [To Mike] It’s definitely true that Saturdays marked off so he wouldn’t forget. Mike: No, no. It wasn’t before Junkyard. you negotiated that you never wanted to be Because I’m like a clean freak. I shower Erin: No, the first time I met him it was on a major and that, if they sold, you had like twice a day. When we first started dat- before that, but I didn’t know him as a per- the option to buy it back. ing, I was like, eww. But he never smells. son. Like, now I know him. Mike: Right. We got kind of screwed, any- He’s not a smelly guy. I got over it. It’s Mike: We met him socially during late way, because my publishing got sold. okay. Dag Nasty. Todd: Really? You had no say in it? 65 @PATIA NO/JABARA silly, folks! Indeed, this ain't no air- Split 7" EP wave-ready "Soul Train" rehash; this is @patia: Venezuelan political punk wit an atomic-powered punkrock "Soul h that classic Latino hardcore sound, th Locomotive" cacophonously careening e closest comparison being early out-of-control with salaciously smooth Atoxxxio. Jabara: Discharge-y hard- wild abandon. It's sensually smokin', for core with that patented Japanese your ears only... -Roger Moser, Jr. over-the-top nudge. This is one great 7 (Upper Cut, 4470 Sunset Blvd. #195, incher. -Jimmy Alvarado (HG Fact, LA, CA 90027; 105 Nakano Shinbashi-M, 2-7-15 or The Bellrays, PO Box 1532, Yahoi-Cho, Nakano, Tokyo 164-0013 Riverside, CA 92502; Japan) or $10 ppd to Vital Gesture, PO Box 46100, LA, CA 324 90046) "Boutokunotaiyao" CD After the "Soulwinter" 7" and the BELLRAYS, THE "Customized Circle" CD comes this "Grand Fury" CD absolute beast of a release. That is the The mighty BellRays have once again only history I know of this band and reared their collective heads and let fly that is all I own. This three piece from 13 tracks of some bombastic, scathing Japan has gotten plenty of references rock'n'roll. Let me tell you, kids, this is to Terrorizer (Earache Records, 1980s) a pretty welcome addition to the playlist for their pounding grindcore meets at the Alvarado/Perez-Villalta house- hardcore. The two releases that I got hold. Karla (my girlfriend) is not espe- prior were almost exactly reminiscent cially punk-friendly, but the Bell Rays of that band. This one carries on the is one of few bands that she not only tol- same tradition but comes off heavier erates but actively encourages the lis- with added influence, in my ears, of tening of on a regular basis (the Entombed and Hellchild. Manic and Descendents and early Bad Brains being excruciating in their madness while the “Critics are like eunuchs at a gang bang.” a couple of others). Of course, we still energy thrusts upon bleeding ars. have our disagreements about who we -Donofthedead (HG Fact, 105 Nakano -George Burns hear traces of in their music (she says Shinbashi-M, 2-7-15 Yayoi-Cho, either a meeting of Jimi Hendrix and Nakano, Tokyo164-0013, Japan) orange-juice soaked BBQ ribs and irrelevant is fact that Atom makes Grade Tina Turner, or Angela Davis set to Bonneville joyrides. Distracted by far A, excellent songs; little poisonous cap- music, but I think she's high, because 324 less than 36-24-38 these days, the gritty sules that sound like simple sugar until it's patently clear that what she's hearing "Boutokunotaiyo" CD "Pass the biscuits, please" signature you realize how damn catchy they are. is an MC5/Aretha Franklin hybrid, but I I was really apprehensive putting this voice now inertly punctuates the No matter how hard you shake your digress), and these discussions usually thing on. I see sun flares on CD covers fuzzed-out guitars of the Countdowns, head, those little ditties stick. They're get pretty heated when they're coupled and my first (usually correct) assump- Blues Explosion, Cheater Slicks and layered, catchy, structured really well, with a game of Scrabble (I do not make tion is that I'm gonna be lambasted by a Compulsive Gamblers - Andre's never and thoughtful. Songs range from what- up words! "Git" does exist! Sod the dic- bunch of emo crybabies pouring their had so much competition from a bunch ever happens to be on his mind: "I'm tionary!). While we may disagree on the poor, wounded hearts into some of the of white-boys-gone-black. Ol' Andre, going on a shopping spree," to a work- irrelevant particulars, we do agree that worst songs ever conceived. Thankfully, senior citizen, was done plucked plumb mate being "undercover funny," to a plea the Bell Rays are one of the best groups I was wrong in this case. 324 play some outta his weekly-rate hotel room on for the Washington Redskins to change that rock'n'roll in the new millennium punishing metallic Japanese hardcore Detroit's notorious Cass Corridor and their name, to "Oh, I get it. Anarchy has to offer, even if listening to them at that could easily have been recorded in re-branded as the Pimp of all Pimps, means you can litter." If you're already excessive volumes causes your ears to the mid-'80s. There's nary a slow song injected with the trademark Jon Spencer familiar with Atom, this album's a natur- bleed. I hear through the grapevine that here and lots of gutteral "rooaooar" in sound. A good idea in theory, but much al extension of "Making Love." He's they're going through a bad patch right the vocal department. Damn if this ain't to my chagrin, "Shut the gate Sally, and definitely developed a steadier music now, and I hope that they are able to some kickass stuff. I'm willing to bet don't let me in." -RumbleStripper (In and a tighter album as a whole. Parting come through it relatively unscathed, that a double bill featuring these guys The Red, 2627 E. Strong Pl., Anaheim, shot: if the popular '80s new wave had a 'cause losing this band would be the and Gehenna would be a very danger- CA 92706) sense a humor and more balls than hair- equivalent of losing a lung for any fan ous place, indeed. Yes, I recommend spray, distilled through thousands of van of loud music. -Jimmy Alvarado this bad boy. -Jimmy Alvarado (HG ANTHEM EIGHTY EIGHT miles, you'd get Atom. -Todd (Hopeless) Fact) "Q: And Progress A: And Progress" CD BELTONES, THE EP BELLRAYS, THE "Shitty in Pink" b/w "Nobody to Love" 7" ALL NATURAL LEMON & LIME Hardcore that was loud, fast and really "Grand Fury" CD The good news is, the Beltones are still FLAVORS pissed off, just as it should be. For some The Bellrays once again brazenly blast getting better. The vocals vibrate out of "Straight Blue Line" CD reason, they reminded me a little of out a spirit-stirrin' hypnotic concoction the speakers at a dizzying speed, sound- The "Loveless" -era My Bloody Articles of Faith, had Vic Bondi been of sizzlin' soulful rock'n'roll and sonic ing like something between a snarl and Valentine influence is painfully obvi- stricken with throat cancer. -Jimmy voodoopunk sultriness. Man, this is a growl and, if you can decipher the ous, yet this stands pretty well on its Alvarado (No Idea, PO Box 14636 aurally IT! Nothin' else compares, or lyrics, they're funny and angry and pret- own. While not a sonically overwhelm- Gainesville, FL 32604) even comes close! The guitar grinds and ty damn good. The music keeps up with ing or as densely lush as "Loveless," growls with distorted over-amped jun- the speed and, like the lyrics, it's pretty this group manages to effectively chan- ATOM AND HIS PACKAGE gle-swamp ferociousness... the spell- complex once you separate it from the nel MBV's poppiness and wobbly, hyp- "Redefining Music" CD binding nicotine-charred hoochie fuzz. I really like this band. I like these notic repetitiveness through a sound not If you've never heard of Atom, it's a -enchantress vocals are the intoxicating two new songs. I even like the cover unlike Os Mutantes' psychedelic bossa hard sell. "Uhm, it's this Jewish guy aural equivalent of a female James with its trashy, shitty-in-pink punk rock nova experiments and come out sound- who tours the land solely with his syn- Brown/Bon Scott hootin'-and-hollerin' broad on the cover and the crazy collage ing less like a rip off than extension of thesizer and his wits to protect him. He at a holyroller revival down in the in the back. The bad news, though, is an idea. Shoegazers all over the world got threatened to be doused with a buck- impoverished shanty-towns of a "Deep that you get, what, four minutes of can rejoice. With this release, the total et of blood in Wyoming." But he's much South" Mississippi delta (man, this gor- music and then it's done. Just like their number of bands playing that style that more than that. Live, he rocks the geous gal's voice is more passionate, eighteen minute full-length and twenty are worth a piss has now been upped to house. Serious. Although not quite a more sensuous, and sexier than any minute shows. It's good to be left want- five. -Jimmy Alvarado (Gern Blandsten, redefinition, Atom's surely exploring sweet sound in existence that's ever ing more, but it's better to fill up the PO Box 356, River Edge, NJ 07661) some fun stuff. Think of an extremely seductively caressed my ears, I kid you vinyl and get, like four two-minute warm-sounding Devo crossed with the not!)... the bass raucously rumbles songs instead of two. -Sean (Radio, PO ANDRE WILLIAMS gleeful abandon of Masters of the along like the earthmoving clamor of a Box 1452, Sonoma, CA 95476) "The Black Godfather" CD Obvious (if you've never listened to filled-to-capacity subway train clatter- Although dirty old man Andre's still MOTO, do yourself a favor and get the ing along an over-used track on a BLACK JAX growlin' and howlin' about the good "Bolt" LP - $8 to Box 578912, Chicago, one-way destination to nowhere... the Self-titled CD things in life - pussy, ass, dope and IL 60657) with some Weird Al Yankovic dinosaur-stomp drums dissonantly Look, the fact that I was a member of a pussy - his rug burn voice no longer res- poking its nose in here and there. What crash, bang and boom with such fright- later version of this band is of no conse- onates visions of makes the kitsch/ joke value almost ful fullforce fury, I just peed myself quence because A) That version of the 66 band was completely different from the the other side of the tape) became the twisted rock'n'roll. The monologue is I saw these boys play at the Silverlake version presented here and B) I was a band's official demo. The sound is what back at the beginning, thanks to a little Lounge a while back and they were nice fan long before I was a participant in is now referred to "77 punk" with a pre-planning (they stuck Paul #1 in a enough to give me a CD to review. I any of their shenanigans. So there. All good dose of old So Cal punk for good soundproof booth while Rev. Norb think these guys are great, and I think of you screaming "conflict of interest" measure, yet, 14 years later, they don't delivered his sermon [though not with- they are going to continue to grow with can kiss my ass. Now, on with our story. sound dated at all. The recording is out having to monologue duel with the their music and their popularity. First of I first saw the Black Jax in late '85/early excellent (which is amazing considering computer from the "Group Sex" all, this band is huge (or at least bigger '86 at a party in Montebello, if I'm not that it was recorded on a four-track in a album]). But I don't want to give away than your average 4 piece). They have mistaken. I was a little, bald, hardcore bedroom) and the tracks are tight and fat too many secrets. Suffice it to say that enough instruments to incorporate into shithead who thought that you had to with instantly hummable hooks. Their the schtick is still funny, and the songs a small jazz band, but without losing play fast and hard to be considered a finest moment, the song "Growing around the schtick are still great. -Sean their indie rock sound and charm. good punk band. They proved that par- Pains," which begins with a quiet guitar Carswell (Go Kart, PO Box 20 Prince Whether or not this band is as young as ticular belief of mine was ridiculous. intro and quickly kicks into overdrive, St. Station, NY, NY 10012) they look is questionable on behalf of The band was hard, up-tempo and still gives me chills. The remaining the emotions and situations represented (gasp) melodic at the same time. The three tracks are from an earlier demo BRIAN JONESTOWN MASSACRE in their music. I hate to drop the refer- fact that Pogo was a fuckin' madman that I've never heard (dammit, Gary, you "Zero" CD ence, but lyrically they remind me of didn't hurt much either. We later got were holding out on me!). The sound on Mellow late '60s-tinged rock. For some Belle and Sebastian, using stories rather chased out of the party 'cause a drunk these are a little rawer, but the songs reason, every song on this reminds me than sentences to portray their ideas and Vietnamese kid who was with us was shine through and transcend the primi- of Love's "Signed DC." I liked it. songs. I discover something new every claiming to be a "Suicidal" in a party tive recording limitations. A note of -Jimmy Alvarado (Bomp, PO Box 7112, time I listen to this album; whether it be filled with skinheads (Suicidals and gratitude goes out to Steve Stiph for Burbank, CA 91510) a softer lyric, or a new digital pulse or skins didn't get along back then, mind finally giving this great, long-gone band putter that somehow went unnoticed the you) and he ended up jumping into the their due. Now those of us who have BRIEFS, THE/THE SPITS time before. "Letting Off the swimming pool. I left that party hum- been listening to shitty, worn out cas- Split 7" EP Happiness" is only one of many CDs ming the song I later learned was called sette copies of the demo all these years Briefs: Their side of the cover is a total they have released that you probably "Fooled By a Pretty Face" and consid- can give them a decent Christian burial bite of the first Child Molesters' single. haven't heard, but are recommended to ered myself a fan from that day forward. and rock out once again to one of the More engaging than their CD. I can hear listen to. Their newest release, "Fevers Over the next year, I saw them many best punk bands East LA/San Gabriel a Voidoids influence in there some- and Mirrors," is equally enchanting and times and, each time, I stood awed at ever produced. -Jimmy Alvarado where on "(I Think) My Baby is a exceptional. -Harmonee (Saddle Creek, how utterly goddamned good they were. (Wankin' Stiphs, PO Box 6480, Mesa, Communist." "Silver Bullet" calls for Box 8554, Omaha, NE 68108-0554) They could pull hooks out of thin air. AZ 85216) the death of Bob Seger, and I sure ain't They laid waste to almost any band gonna argue against that. Pretty fucking BURNMAN dumb enough to play with them. They BORIS THE SPRINKLER good stuff. Spits: Sound quality is as "Notes for a Catalogue for an were, to sound like a high school geek, "...Is Gay" CD bad as the Misfits' "Cough/Cool" single. Exhibition" CD fucking awesome. Sadly, though, they What I like about Boris the Sprinkler is The first song is a punk'n'roll ditty and It's no secret by now that I hate emo in never got their moment in the sun or the that they put out new albums often the second reminded me of the Normal. all its sickly hues, cacophonous tones chance to put their amazing set on vinyl. enough so that a newish Boris the -Jimmy Alvarado (Dirtnap, PO Box and pretentious intents. A good day for This release, which consists of two Sprinkler record is always on high rota- 21249, Seattle, WA 98111) me would be one in which all the little demos, will hopefully rectify that injus- tion in my life. And all their albums are emo lemmings took a flying fuck off the tice. The first nine songs were recorded really good. "..Is Gay" keeps nearest cliff, taking every one of their in 1986 and later (coupled with a live SweetTart-blood-level high. It's fast, BRIGHT EYES putrid CDs along for the ride. That said, show from Raji's that ain't on here on bouncy, Ramones-distorted, Norb- "Letting Off the Happiness" CD I liked this disc. Sure, it has its share of overblown artistic reach, soaring guitars are also quite a few slower and mid (no pun intended), if you want to relive "The Mystery of the Whisper" CD and stream of consciousness lyrics, but tempo songs on "Vs. Everything," that the last time you saw Cock Sparrer, or if If there is one truth that becomes more it also has one hell of an edge, and that bip, bop and bounce around in really you've never heard them, this would be apparent with the passing years, it is alone allows it to pull itself out of the intriguing ways, avoiding the continual a great album. Otherwise, well, you've that the goth scene just won't stay dead. dung heap. Behind all the usual trap- trap of boring the audience with mere heard it. -Sean Carswell (TKO, 4104 For every kid who trades in their pings is one mother of a rhythm section, repetitious masturbation. My sole quib- 24th St. #103, SF, CA 94114) Specimen collection for the latest Bis notably a drummer who lays a solid ble is that there are no sermon transcrip- album, it seems that two new adoles- foundation by gleefully wailing on his tions to the songs accompanying the CONCRETES, THE cents are drafted into the legion of dark- skins in wild abandon, giving the whole release; instead there's a picture of a "Boy, You Better Run Now" CD ness. While many people will agree that thing an almost early Die Kreuzen shirtless Causey frolicking in a field of This band is from Stockholm. If they "Darkwave" grows more tedious with intensity, albeit sans the thrash beats. yellow flowers that's so funny I want to don't play here soon, I might have to age, some seem to find solace in No faggy boo hoo cry in my Fugazi get the LP version so it's bigger. All in save money to search for them in stagnation. We can always count on a backpack swill here, boyo. This stuff is all, a fantastic release that'll be sure to Sweden. The Concretes are made up of band of teenage night-creatures (and as anything remotely related to punk swell the minions converting to The six steady members and two more their middle-aged admirers) to take the rock should be: a pure emotional purg- Causey Way. -Todd (Alternative loosely involved members. This is kind look and sound of 1980's post-punk and ing of anger, desperation, rage, tragedy Tentacles, PO Box 419092, SF, CA of mellow pop - kinda jumpy with some drive it further into the realm of and every other negative adjective you 94141-9092; ) Victoria's vocals are very soft and Whisper," the latest disc from the stomach all the whiny crybaby shit all sweet, almost paralleling the emotion of Cruxshadows, more than aptly proves those other bands force-feed the masses CHUBBIES, THE the keyboard. Sometimes they remind this point. Upon first glance, it's obvi- if they at least sounded the least bit "American Swagger" CD me of Mazzy Star, sometimes they ous that the Cruxshadows are the poster upset about the whole thing, you know? The Chubbies is just one girl, remind me of Devics. Good music to children for all that is spooky. The pack- Despite all the annoying genre trappings Jeannette, and she is DIY. This album bake to (and by that I mean cakes, cook- aging embodies every cliche of the to be found here, these guys sound is a collection of demos written, ies, dinner party action, etc.). Yummy. scene (or is that "lifestyle"?) - spiky hair pissed off and that makes all the differ- recorded, mixed, produced and star- -Harmonee (Up, Box 21328, Seattle, mixed with too much black eyeliner, ence. -Jimmy Alvarado (No Idea, PO ring her. After 22 other releases as The WA 98111) bell-sleeved dresses, ankhs, computer- Box 14636, Gainesville FL 32604) Chubbies, Jeannette decided to go generated infernos, etc. As the album back to basics for this one. This album CONDORS, THE begins to play, the uber-gothness of the BUSTED LIVES, THE was recorded on an 8-track in her bed- "Tales of Drunkenness & Cruelty" Cruxshadows becomes even more obvi- "The Winner's Circle" CD room. The booklet is very Storytellers CDEP ous. Opening with the track "Isis & Not as crazed as their last album, but with a short description of what the The powerpop punkiness of The Osiris (Life/Death)," the band conjures that doesn't mean that this isn't up to its songs are about before the lyrics are Condors is dynamically delicious, jubi- up the spirit of Dead Can Dance. Lead eyeballs in bad drug-induced psychosis. given. A recommended listen for any- lantly jumpy, and melodiously spirited singer Rogue does his best to capture As I listened to this, I pictured Black one who owns a virgin 8-track who with a spine-tingling plethora of the Middle Eastern-vibe that sends all of Randy fronting an early incarnation of needs to hear how it's done. happy-go-lucky hook-laden harmonics! the corset-clad girls running to the the Flesh Eaters writing desperate love -Harmonee (Filthy's, 31736 Mission This is the swirling sound of The Byrds dancefloor. Eventually, the songs to The Reatards. Then again, I Tr. #D, Lake Elsinore, CA 92530) if they had been energetically infused Cruxshadows settle into the sound that could be way off the mark with that with a high-octane dose of snarlin' rock- dominates this lengthy release - overly description. It wouldn't be the first time. COCK SPARRER 'n'roll belligerence and rabid badboy dramatic synthpop set off by flat vocals Look, just send 'em your fuckin' money. "England Belongs to Me" CD bite... this is the booty-twistin' sound of and lyrics that could have been lifted You won't be disappointed. -Jimmy A compendium of their early singles, hot fun in the summertime sun, of slop- from SNL's "Goth Talk." Throughout Alvarado (Blueball, 6517 Faralion Way, this release also serves as an interest- py juvenilistic sex in the backseat of a seventeen tracks, listeners succumb to Oakland, CA 94611) ing document of the evolution of this souped-up turbo-charged '81 Camaro, such profound statements as "every- long-running band. The earlier tracks of wide-eyed youthful innocence soon where I go they all stare/I don't under- CANDY SNATCHERS owe more than a little to the pub rock to be corrupted by mind-altering stom- stand why they care/ They stare at me "Ugly on the Inside" b/w sound that was prevalent when the ach-churning amounts of the devil's all in black/ And when I turn they stare "Party Girl - Cocaine County" 7" band started back in the '70s and, as the drink and other illicit intoxicants... yes, at my back." Needless to say, the If Chuck Berry was a bunch of much disc progresses, you can hear the this is the rambunctiously sparkling Cruxshadows prove that we need to paler guys, hopped-up, drugged-to-the- development of the hard, yet very sound of vibrantly frenzied life itself! seriously consider driving the stake gills, and bleeding, he'd be the poppy sound for which they are Man, The Condors are sonically cooler through goth's tortured heart once and Snatchers. These guys are the known. Toward the end, the listener is than cool, so aurally impress yourself for all. -Liz O (Dancing Ferret Discs, anti-venom to pre-manufactured also treated to a lesson that plagued and all of your cliquish lil' friends with 4939 Catharine St. #3f, Philadelphia, teleprompter and dance instructor pop. many English punk bands (Adicts, this powerfully rousing platter of PA 19143; Two fast, drunk and plunder songs. The SLF, Angelic Upstarts) during the '80s: poprock perfection now, tomorrow and ) only question I have is why did some- overproduction can ruin even the best always... -Roger Moser, Jr. ($6 ppd to one Photoshop a can of cat food on the song. Still, this is more than worth the Vital Gesture, PO Box 46100, LA, CA DAGONS, THE cover? -Todd (Get Hip, PO Box 666, price of admission just to hear early 90046 or The Condors, PO Box 6673, "Make Us Old" CD Canonsburg, PA 15317) versions of classics like "Running Alhambra, CA 91802-6673) This San Francisco band transplanted Riot," "Argy Bargy," "Working," and a itself to LA in the fall of 2000, hot off CANNANES AND STEWARD great live cover of the Clash's "White COOKIE the heels of recording their second full "Communicating Riot." -Jimmy Alvarado (Taang, 706 "All Hell Can't Stop Us" CD length. SF's loss is definitely LA's gain. At An Unknown Rate" CD Pismo Ct., San Diego, CA 92109) For those of you dismayed by the unfor- The Dagons mine literary references, Nope, I won't be needing any downers tunate termination of the Gits or who gothic imagery and Grimm's Fairy Tales tonight. -Jimmy Alvarado (Yoyo, PO COCK SPARRER mused that 7 Year Bitch would be, well, all the while avoiding the trappings of Box 2462, Olympia, WA 98507) "Live: Runnin' Riot Across the USA" musical, or plain just can't get enough of goth in favor of a straight-up rock CD the eclectic NW scene, rejoice! Cookie approach. Singer/guitarist Karie CAUSEY WAY, THE You can't really say that Cock Sparrer is is here. Vocally strong chick singer and Jacobson (who also played bass on this "Causey Vs. Everything" CD breaking any new ground these days. some punk rock guys. It's the album) lulls you in with sweet, ethereal A lot more sultry than previous releases, This is a recording of their show in San Automatics. It's Poison Idea. It's Elmer. vocals as drummer Drew Kowalski it seems that Causey is personalizing his Francisco last February. They played It's the Nuns. It's Patsy Cline. sneaks up with menacing, pounding message to each and everyone of us. most of their hits: "Runnin' Riot," -RumbleStripper (Last Chance; drum work on songs like "Grinder" and The more blatant new wave trappings "Where Are They Now?" "Riot Squad," ) "As Close As You May Ever Get." have been updated to something I can't "Argy Bargy," "England Belongs to Spooky in a good way. -Bob (Dead Sea exactly place, but enjoy immensely Me," and so on. The recording quality is CORVUS CORAX Captain, 4470 Sunset Blvd. #163, LA, ("Newest Wave," perhaps). All I know high. It sounds great, and the songs are "The Atavistic Triad" CD CA 90027) is that their sound is slithery, bouncy, really good songs. The only problem I Big, blustery black metal that was inter- and saturated with space-reverb guitar have is that I've heard them all so many esting for approximately two and DECALS that borders on a rapture of sorts. This times now that I wish they'd write some one-half minutes of the first 15 minute "You (That's All We Ever Talk About)" time out, Causey's high-pitched voice is new fucking songs. They also have kind track, then I found myself thinking 7" augmented by the smoky female esoph- of a rock star way of putting on a show: about my new socks. They're very nice Tight, female-fronted punk rock'n'roll. agus of The Truth Causey (I believe. they say the name of the city the same socks, by the way. -Jimmy Alvarado The songs are well written and poppy in Scant details are on the CD packaging way Spinal Tap would, they tell the (Dark Symphonies, Box 457, Billerica, a good way. I think I'm keepin' this itself) that develops yet another dimen- crowd that they're great audience, they MA 01821) puppy. -Jimmy Alvarado (Fan Attic, PO sion to Causey's already considerable encourage you to sing along with the Box 391494, Cambridge, MA 02139) musical arsenal. There hits, etc. So if you're a Cock Sparrer nut CRUXSHADOWS, THE DHARMAKAYA 68 "Analbum: The New Indie Rock choruses - and you'll get a taste of Beer City pro skater main man with two "Kero! Kero! Kero!" CD Standard" CD-R EP Discontent. Although firmly bands, Duane Peters, can put together I'm so happy I intercepted this CD. This Dharmakaya skillfully churn out melan- entrenched in a genre that's notorious- two great albums quicker than it takes a is a female Japanese trio and what choly musical madness raucously remi- ly narrow and stifling, I'd go as far to normal band to put out a shitty one. Shonen Knife did to pop, eX-Girl could niscent of the lo-fi grungey gruffness say that Discontent is like a 12 pack of What's alarming is how essentially do for experimental/indie rock. All that statically strutted across the col- beer. You know what you're getting flawless the spirit of mid-tempo '77 songs but two are sung in English (one lege-radio airwaves everywhere in the from the packaging, it takes you to punk spins into the '00s without it is in Japanese and one is in Spanish). early '90s (a complimentary compari- where you want to go pretty quickly, smelling like rotting meat or another My favorites are "Tofu Song" (which is sion of sorts: Black Sabbath maniacally but when it's done, you're pissing and a tired dance around a grave. Broken styled after, or even mocking maybe, mutating with Pavement, vocally led by little sad that it's gone. Good shit. hearts, broken bottles, broken dreams, those Bulgarian Women's Choir chants) a gargoyle Kurt Cobain character!). The -Todd (Hostage, PO Box 7736, broken streets, broken unions, and bro- and "The Revenge of Kero," which is all noggin-thumpin' numbers cacopho- Huntington Beach, CA 92615) ken lives are the song themes, all told about frogs... lots of them. If you're into nously contained herein screech and with conviction, all told in pirating, Japanese pop culture at all, you might scream with scathing sonic emotion... DOLLICIOUS street riot vein of poetry. be interested in this album. Reminiscent delicately soft and cuddly at times "Cold Cinder" 7" Maybe because I stood on his side of of The Raincoats here and there, just as (albeit briefly!), and then turbulently This is wondrously wild distorted audi- the stage when I recently saw them live, much fun as its packaging. The question tumbling into all-out frenzied fierceness al depravation at its most mindwarping and his monitor was under my arm, but left to answer is not if you should go at the spontaneous shift of a chord. and disruptive best. Dollicious are Mark "Anarchy" Lee (ex-Humpers, find this album, but rather which Indeed, a heady dose of anger-rock is clamorously comparable to a ex-Crowd) is probably one of the most eX-Girl is your favorite. -Harmonee robustly served on this appealing platter cranked-to-the-max over-amped Who underrated rhythm guitarists playing (, of mind-twistin' tunesmithing, so I'll frantically fronted by Theo Lunachick punk these days, providing a huge ) give it a hearty thumbs-up and a playful (and toss in the occasional spooky amount of swagger, hum, and melody poke in the eye... -Roger Moser, Jr. strains of a theremin's wavy-gravy eeri- that would probably just sound like a EXPLODERS, THE ($5.00 ppd. to Spat, 1113 Forrest Ave. ness for added incendiary effect). Man, rehash of popular favorites in lesser "What's What and Who's Who" 7" EP Apt. A, Nashville, TN 37206) this is deliciously decadent, aurally bel- hands into huge, dense, vital songs. Apparently, Larry May of The Candy ligerent, and nefariously noisy beyond -Todd (Disaster, PO Box 7112, Snatchers has opened a school or DIESTO belief... I've repeatedly rotated it until I Burbank, CA 91510) released the patent to his "How To "Outland" CD can no longer hear myself think (it's that Scream Like Punk Rock Opera." And if Dude, Soundgarden sucks. -Jimmy damn addictive, folks!). Please, ELF POWER you think I speak ill of such things, Alvarado (Elastic, PO Box 17598, Dollicious, tell me there's gonna be "The Winter is Coming" CD you're mistaken. The band follows suit - Anaheim, CA 92817) more... -Roger Moser, Jr. (Get Hip, PO This is a pretty weird one here. Take solid snap, crunch, and twists to straight Box 666, Canonsburg, PA 15317; some jangly pop, sprinkle in some forward, guitar-driven rock'n'roll. What DISCONTENT or Kinks, dollop some Savage keeps it from being a clone are the hints "Who Killed Vinyl?" 7" Dollicious, 39 Newcourt House, Pott St, Republic/Middle Eastern drone on the of psych, pockets of nerve, and the fact What's more authentic than a street Bethnal Green, London E2 0EG, UK) top and voila! It's not exactly what most that it's easier and more fun to under- punk band whose been around awhile people would call "rockin' tuneage," but stand than basic math. In my humble but took several years to get to vinyl DUANE PETERS it is definitely a nice, mostly successful opinion, Crime sucked, but The due to members being in prison? AND THE HUNNS attempt to find some new ground by Exploders' cover of "Rockabilly Hoosegow aside, imagine the less fat "Tickets to Heaven" CD mixing some seemingly disparate influ- Drugstore" gave it a nice shank in the Cock Sparrer, the Cock Sparrer that Quick on the rebound from the seem- ences. -Jimmy Alvarado (Sugar Free, balls and made it real, real listenable. actually wrote new songs - their ingly just released "Unity" LP, it can be PO Box 14166, Chicago, IL 60614) The Exploders also follow a good rule anthemic, powerful, perfectly timed said that the ink-filled, tooth-deprived, EX-GIRL of thumb: if your cover has a cartoon of a pretty lady with lightning bolts a smidgen of pop. -Jimmy Alvarado (Crawlspace, PO Box over her boobs, chances are that Alvarado (Dirtnap, PO Box 21249, 41031, Long Beach, CA 90853) more people will buy your record. Seattle, WA 98111) Good listen. -Todd (Teenage USA, GODDAMNED PO Box 91, 689 Queen St. W., FEATHERLY DECADENCE DITCHDIGGERS, THE Toronto, Ontario, M5V 1X6, "pre'ego" CD "Never Mind The Goddamned, Canada; This CD is so weird. Is it synth? Is Here's The Ditchdiggers" CD ) it rock? Is it spoken word? The GDDs brazenly belt-out a Whatever it is, it's a small square cacophonous conflagration of FABULOUS DISASTER of art. It's curious and intriguing. rough'n'ready, rude'n'rowdy back- "Put Out Or Get Out!" CD-R It's one of those CDs where none woods punkrock belligerence! Man! Retodd knows my prefer- of the tracks have breaks between Beer-fuelled and whiskey-saturat- ences and what I might enjoy. After them, so they all kind of just string ed beyond belief, these a long layoff on the review front, along, each one adding something demon-spawned rural reprobates he picks a winner for the first thing to the next. If you read the back immorally epitomize a new jaw- he sends me. This is the pre-release cover, it sounds like a small story, crackin' genre of rock'n'roll which for this band's release on the Fat when in fact it is the song titles. is more vile, vulgar, demented, dis- Wreck subsidiary Pink and Black. The music itself (stories), vibra- gusting and rambunctiously primi- This is the label's second signing, tions, whatever, is a journey tive than anything else ever record- joining the Dance Hall Crashers on through an obviously complex ed... indeed, I'll fittingly call it the roster. What a great choice! If imagination, supplied by "hickcore"! On such deviantly you like or love DHC, you will Christopher Deckard (I think. divine ditties as "Vengeance of the love this band. This has been a reg- Everything about this little pack- Damned," "Allez Dupont," "Blow ular play in my CD changer in the age keeps me guessing). It is a def- Up Longview," "My Friend car now for weeks. I can't get over inite experience, but in reference to Misery," "Rather Stay Home and the great harmonies over great what, I am unable to define as of Fuck," "I Was a Teenage melodies. At the same time, the now. -Harmonee (Muzak, 3000 Ditchdigger," "Let's Have a Beer," band packs a punch. I have no idea Lemp Ave., St. Louis, MO 63118) "Modern Day Frankenstein," "I what the songs are titled or what Wanna Get Drunk/Ditchdiggers" the band members look like, all I FILTHY THIEVING and so many more, the savagely know is that track five is my BASTARDS frenzied instrumentation and snot- favorite. The intro reminded me of "Our Fathers Sent Us" CD ty razor-slashed vocals violently The Cure and bolts forward with a This is what I always wished the roar like an atomic terroristic mid tempo punk riff and goes into Pogues sounded like when I lis- attack on the central nervous sys- an almost dream-like chorus of tened to their albums: songs born tem (spontaneously causing a per- beautiful harmony. The moods on of Irish ballads that fill in the son's body to spastically leap that song jerk back and forth from sound; songs that maintain the around the room, destructively regret to pure anger. An absolute sense of self-loathing and down- bounce off the walls, and then life- gem! I can't wait 'til the actual troddenness, but add some chunks lessly collapse on the floor in a release comes out to see the lyric of Chuck Berry style rock'n'roll heap of smoldering remains). Ah sheet and see if all my curiosities along with whiskey and gravel and yes, this is anarchic audial insur- can be answered. It reminded me of hope from the hopeless. The Filthy rection at its brainbruisin' best! - the Teen Idols (not the DC band, Thieving Bastards are a side pro- Roger Moser, Jr. ($5 ppd to Teen Idles) mixed with the great ject for Johnny Bonnel and Darius Ditchdiggin' Recs., 106 Horaney elements of all the female-led punk Koski from the Swingin' Utters St., Longview, TX 75601; bands from the past. (along with various musicians fill- ) Box 190516, SF, CA 94119) bass, and percussion). Musically, it's a pretty big departure from the HEADGRENADE FAKES, THE Swingin' Utters, but they retain the Self-titled CD "So Fashionable It Hurts" 7" spot-on lyrics ("So deep in debt I Gallop-tempo hardcore with a Orange County punk bands seem just might get the bends"), the sound circa 1986. Whoever wrote to re-congeal, re-form, and get catchy melodies, and the general the lyrics is pretty fond of allitera- sicker all of the time. It's the oppo- sense of "how do they make this tion. Pretty good. -Jimmy site of incest - these bands' blood sound so good?" And, on a person- Alvarado (702, PO Box 204, Reno, seems to be getting thicker. The al note, I have to love an album NV 89504) Fakes are no exception, having with pictures of James Joyce, Jack recruited Skibbs Barker Kerouac, and Charles Bukowski HEX, THE (ex-Stitches drummer) and Steve on the back cover. This is definite- "No Car" CD EP Reynolds (ex-US Bombs bassist) ly one of the records we're all Minimalist art damage. Gimme a into their fold. The sound? This wrestling for here at Razorcake second to put on my Dieter oscillates between hard-nosed and HQ. -Sean Carswell (TKO, 4104 one-piece. Now we dance... snot-nosed with a slurring vocalist 24th St. #103, SF, CA 94114) -Jimmy Alvarado (Troubleman who phrases his words into short Unlimited, 16 Willow Street, punches. At best, there's a strong FUCK YOU UPS Bayonne, NJ 07002) undercurrent of '90s power pop (a "Fuck City Baby" 7" EP la The Gain), in the song A living, breathing TV punk rock I HATE MYSELF "Sometimes," yet with the song stereotype. You guys must be Self-titled CD "Grey Matter," they slip into beaming with pride. -Jimmy Emo CDs make for good skeet late-US Bombs territory where the Alvarado (Formula 13, PO Box shootin'. -Jimmy Alvarado (No mid tempo plods a little too much 7385, Tempe, AZ 85281-0013) Idea, PO Box 14636, Gainesville and the repetition gets the better of FL 32604) the song. On the whole, it's defi- GEHENNA nitely not bad and I'd keep an eye "Negotium Perambulans In INFLUENTS, THE out for them, but they're no unex- Tenebris" CD "Check Please" CD pected taser to the nuts, either. Fast, punishing hardcore rage, Plop pop, fizz fizz, what a piece of -Todd (Hostage, PO Box 7736, reminiscent of long-gone DC shit this is... -Jimmy Alvarado Huntington Beach, CA 92615) greats United Mutation. I can't (Adeline, 5337 College Ave. #318, understand a fuckin' word he's Oakland, CA 94618) FATAL FLYIN' GUILLOTINES sayin', and the lack of a lyric sheet /SCARED OF CHAKA doesn't help matters much, but he IRVING KLAWS, THE Split 7" EP sure sounds pissed about whatever "Pajama Party" CD FFG: Trashy punk, but not in the it is he's singin'. This is well worth The inimitable infectiously evil '60s sense. It has a certain charm. whatever you pay for it, and I sug- Irving Klaws have once again Scared: Hyped up, lo-fi punk with gest you seek it out. Now. -Jimmy defiled my ears with another deca- dent dose of sleazy sonic sordid- tombstones basking in the ominous "Puttering About a Small Land" ness, and I couldn't be happier even snow-speckled shadows of a CD if I were inescapably ensconced in moonlit winter's night. The sparse Land of the Loops is an excellent a roomful of submissive nubile instrumentation (acoustic guitars artist's description because that's nymphos in the nude at this very and an occasional accordion, fid- exactly what it is. I believe he does moment (okay, well perhaps, that's dle, piano, and organ) flawlessly have a couple of female vocalists, a slight exaggeration of truth there complements the swaggering but for the most part, this album is on my part, folks!). Anyway, The unfaltering voice (haggard, simply layer upon layer of samples Irving Klaws can aurally do no time-worn, and aged to perfection) and electronic ecstacy. It has wrong when it comes to their hedo- of Mr. Cash, a picturesque voice as enough beats to supply a teenage nistic hellfire blend of raunchabilly deep and dark as the bottomless boy under his covers and rhythms rowdiness, garagerock rambunc- depths of a coal mine and as rich to send your soul a shiver. Nothing tiousness, and primal wildman and textured as freshly plowed fer- too bass heavy. Simply seismic rock'n'roll madness... on this musi- tile Tennessee soil. As always, his enjoyment of the lava lamp and cally pristine platter of demonical- original compositions are pristinely black light kind. -Harmonee (Up, ly rockin' revelry, they rule saturated with down-to-earth coun- Box 21328, Seattle, WA 98111) supreme with such maniacal try charm that's as idealistically melodies as the punky-spunky inspirational as it is unique and LAST STAND "Not Me Not Now," the psychoson- entertaining. And he reverently "Any Battle Won" CD ic "Wigglin' & Jigglin'," the takes a diverse assortment of songs Anthemic punk rock with the occa- rompin' boppin' "Put 'Em On," the from a vastly differentiating array sional nod to hardcore and reggae. ghoulishly sinister "Return Of Dr. of notable composers (Tom Petty, I really wasn't too enthused with Spook," the rabid drum-driven "It's Neil Diamond, Bono, Nick Cave, this disc upon first listen. Although Pervasonic!," the spastically devil- and others) and skillfully crafts it's catchy and some of the hooks ish "I'm So Ugly," the them into his own with an elegant are nice, there really isn't any new booby-bouncin' butt-jigglin' touch of expertly chiselled clarity. ground being broken musically. "BestForm," the robustly belliger- Indeed, his inate aural ability to Then I read the lyrics. There's a ent "Dig My Six," the psychotical- speak to and for the common man level of intelligent introspection ly spooky "Moon Has Measles" (no matter what race, color, or and a deceptive simplicity to them and more, motherfucker, more! creed) has become his true lasting that makes them easy to understand Yep, my unsolicited advice for all legacy, an indelible essence forever yet surprisingly deep on a variety of you rock'n'roll raunchcats out imprinted in the hearts and minds of levels. Most effective is the song there: get down'n'dirty, and "do the of those who recognize the mes- "Amarillo's Shame," which is Klaw"! -Roger Moser, Jr. (Get Hip, sage in his music. Ladies and gen- about the punk rock kid intention- PO Box 666, Canonsburg, PA tlemen, the inimitable legendary ally run over by a classmate during 15317; Man In Black, Mr. Johnny Cash... a fight. While one might feel the or The Irving Klaws, PO Box 1231, -Roger Moser, Jr. (American) band's delivery of the song lacks an Buffalo, NY 14213-1231; appropriate level of anger, the sar- ) JUDGEMENT casm, outrage and moral indigna- "Just Be..." CDEP tion they feel towards those JOHNNY CASH Every time I get a release by this responsible for letting the driver of "American III: Solitary Man" CD prolific Japanese band I always feel the car off literally drips from It's a cold dreary rain-drenched day short changed. I'm guessing that every line of the lyrics. I went back outside the frost-tinted windows of this is their fourth release and this and listened to the whole disc this inner sanctum I call home. And one was released on CD. There are again, lyric sheet in hand, and have it effortlessly reflects a drab color- only four songs! The two previous come to the conclusion that this is less world of bleak releases (and the first, I assume, but some damn fine work. Sorry it took black-and-white motionless I never have seen a copy) was on 7" me so long to notice. -Jimmy imagery that seems all-at-once and only had two songs each. What Alvarado (One Way, 324 uninspired, semi-detached, frag- you do get every time is quality old Broadway, Somerville, MA 02145) mented, and none-too-eager to school Japan-core. The songs are greet any hapless wayward individ- mid-tempo and pack a lot of punch; LOS LOBOS ual wandering the desolate manic vocals over powerful guitar "Just Another Band from East LA" trash-strewn streets of this tired old chords. Under all the rage is a fine CD town on such a miserable winter line of melody. The songs just have Back before "La Banba," before afternoon. So I restlessly cradle a a hook that carries it over the edge their Grammy nominations, even can of lukewarm beer while intent- and keeps things interesting. before their association with Los ly listening to these solemn spir- Something new in the mix from Angeles' early '80s punk scene, Los it-enriching songs of solitude, the their previous releases is some Lobos were following their own sometimes disquieting loneliness background vocals from the female muse. While all the bands in the of life, and eventual redemptive bass player. I don't know her name. neighborhood were playing Top 40 hope via the proverbial efferves- I can't read Japanese anymore. and bad disco (which were, more cently shining light at the end of Consistent, as always, and brought often than not, the same thing), Los salvation's tunnel. "American III: to you from a label everybody Lobos delved deep into their par- Solitary Man" is an all-acoustic should check out. -Donofthedead ents' record collections, gleaning slice of rural Americana, a stark (HG Fact, 105 Nakano musical gems from the worlds of somber soundscape of haunting Shinbashi-M, 2-7-15 Yayoi-Cho, the son jarocho, son huasteco, gua- melodies that indelibly touches a Nakano, Tokyo164-0013, Japan) jira, bolero and plena, to name a man deep in the furthermost recess- few. After playing a few weddings es of his soul. It aurally conjures KOJACK and other such gigs for beer and rustic images of simplistic domes- "Crash Motherfucker" CD gas money, they pressed and sold ticity in a pastoral countryside I remember hearing their 7" a while 1,000 copies of this, the "yellow sprawl, beat-up old run-down back and not being enthused about album," in 1977, and since that pick-up trucks, festive Sunday pic- it, but this is lots better. They still time, it has become a hot collector's nics spent euphorically indulging play noisy-as-hell mid-tempo hard- item among the band's more avid in the soothing sun-splashed splen- core reminiscent of the time when followers. Listening to this album dor of a gentle Spring breeze, his- mid-tempo didn't mean metal so many years after its initial tory and heritage and unrelenting moshing madness, but they seem a release, it seems almost inevitable pride, native tribal Indian spirits little more focused than before. It that the band would eventually ghost-dancing in the tall sinewy gave me a nasty headache, and gravitate toward Los Angeles' grass of the windswept High Plains that's always a good sign that what underground. Although already region, a burnt-orange sun slowly I'm listening to is pretty good. highly accomplished musicians, setting on the barbed wire-ridden -Jimmy Alvarado (CNP, PO Box there is a very informal, "party" rugged terrain of the wild untamed 14555, Richmond, VA 23221) feel to the recording and their West, and solitary frontiersmen LAND OF THE LOOPS approach to the songs themselves seems fueled by much of the same there's some disappointments for the "You Think It's Like This But Really zle-fried songs cacophonously con- intensity and speed that would give more dedicated fan, such as the glaring It's Like This" CD tained herein are evil, vile, and their nortenos that punk edge a few omission of their crowd-pleasing rendi- I love Mirah. I saw her play two sum- tumultuously trashy... venomous and years later. When they take on a jaro- tions of Los Pinguinos del Norte's mers back at Olympia's Yo-Yo A snotty razor-slashed vocals; high-ten- cho like "Maria Chuchena," they don't "Mexico Americano" and Andres Go-Go and after watching her play I sion crank-crazed straight-outta- merely cover it so much as devour it Huesca's "Canto a Veracruz," an early jumped up and bought all the merchan- the-gutter guitar savagery that violently and spit it back out in a rush of flying single version of "Under the dise she had to offer (one 12" and one grabs ya by the balls; skull-pummelling fingers at tempos that rival the masters Boardwalk," tracks from the "Si Se cassette). Now she has released a full rumble'n'roar flesh-scorchin' bass deto- of the form, which, anyone who has Puede" soundtrack, or any of their early length album (16 songs) and I can't nations of frenzied low-end audial bite; heard Lino Chavez or some of the other '80s collaborations with the legendary keep my ears free from listening to it. and speedfreak thundergod Veracruzano purveyors of the son jaro- Lalo Guerrero. Yet what is included It's happy. It's sad. It's fast. It's slow. It's boom-boom drumming madness. Hot cho can tell you, is some feat. It is no almost makes up for such slights: cov- love revealing what's real by scratching damn hellfire for sure, the New Bomb small favor that Hollywood Records ers of Fats Domino's "I'm Gonna Be a away all the skin and pink with its own Turks aurally rampage with dangerous- has done. By re-releasing this unas- Wheel Someday," a reworking of Los slightly chipped glitter-coated finger- ly bad-ass bowery punk sleaziness! suming little gem, they have not only Aventureros' "Panchita" (titled here as nails. I can picture Mirah opening up -Roger Moser, Jr. ( New Bomb Turks, given us a peek at the genesis of one of "Los Ojos de Pancha"), Little Richard's her journal to write her latest emotion- PO Box 82192, Columbus, OH 43202; America's greatest, most provocative "Rip It Up," and demo versions of al update and as soon as the pages are ) bands, they have also provided another some of their originals, not to mention cracked, all sorts of crazy cartoon bub- generation of would-be and will-be Los Super Seven's interpretation of ble notes and hearts come flying out in NOVEMBER'S DOOM musicians a new avenue to explore, one Valerio Longoria's "El Canoero," between words like in those old "The Knowing" CD that the average American music afi- which nearly surpasses the original in "Reading Rainbow" episodes. This is a Heavy metal prom ballads for suicidal cionado has no idea exists. In short, this quality. Sure, CD sets this big can be personal yet confident listen into the Dungeons and Dragons geeks. -Jimmy is essential listening for anyone who overkill. In this case, though, the band broad emotional - as well as musical - Alvarado (Dark Symphonies, Box 457, claims to have even a passing interest is more than deserving. -Jimmy spectrum that is Mirah. Mirah has Billerica, MA 01821) in music. -Jimmy Alvarado Alvarado (Rhino, 10635 Santa Monica clever usage of vocal harmonies, (Hollywood) Blvd., LA, CA 90025-4900) ukulele, guitar, organ and distorted bass NUMBERS, THE (to name a few from this instrument "Music Design" 10" LOS LOBOS LOUDMOUTHS/ ROCKS collage). Mirah's purity and light is like Shit, now I'm not so upset that the "El Cancionero Mas y Mas" Boxed Set Split 7" EP a new star's who has yet to reach eyes Mono Men broke up. Though there's no 4X CD Loudmouths: A couple o' helpings of from its own place in the sky. - overlap in band members, this ten inch We all know the story of Los Lobos, their patented ranting. Rocks: If this Harmonee (K, Box 7154, Olympia, WA seems to pick up right where the Mono don't we? Band from East LA lands an were the only band on the disc, they 98507) Men's "Have a Nice Day, opening slot for Public Image's debut would probably sound pretty decent. Motherfucker" left off. It's six Los Angeles gig at the Olympic Following the Loudmouths was a big MORNING SHAKES, THE high-energy, nothing-to-lose, two- Auditorium. Outraged punks pelt band mistake, though, 'cause they sound "Piss Off Daddy" 7" minute rock'n'roll songs, that, if they with debris. Band signs with punk label really tame in comparison. -Jimmy This is down'n'dirty wildly demented were stripped down to their core, would and develops a strong local following Alvarado (702, PO Box 204, Reno, NV garagerock rambunctiousness with a have something to do with Johnny that includes many of the same punks 89504) turbulent twist of frenzied face-slappin' Cash and Sun Records, but they've who hated them at the aforementioned punkiness that'll assuredly knock ya pushed that sound to its edges, dragged gig. Band later has a fluke number one MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT, upside the noggin somethin' fierce! The it through a hard life, and come out hit with a cover from a movie sound- THEE petulant snottiness of the two enclosed punk rock. My only complaint is that track and eventually becomes one of "Gear Blues" CD sardonic songs (includin' a catastrophi- the record is so short that I don't feel the most respected bands on the planet. Extremely LOUD Japanese trash rock. cally clamorous cover of The Zero fulfilled unless I play it twice in a row. Well, this four-disc retrospective cov- The press materials allude to Billy Boys "Civilization's Dying") saturated I guess I know how my girlfriend feels ers virtually all of Los Lobos' career, Childish as an influence, but I don't my ears with highly flammable levels now. -Sean Carswell (Dead Beat, PO starting with tracks from their 1977 hear it as much I do the Cramps and of pure rock'n'roll resonance. I just Box 283, LA, CA 90078) "yellow" album (see other review), and others I can't quite think of right now. can't ask for anything more aurally snaking its way through assorted Hell, I gotta lay off of them there aller- earth-shattering than the smokin' SAFETY PINS albums, early singles, collaborations gy pills, 'cause they seem to be messin' sounds of The Morning Shakes on this "Invite Us to Your Funeral" CD with other artists and assorted unre- up my short term.... Whatever. Either here lil' 7-inch sizzler... -Roger Moser, This is real trashy punk'n'roll from leased tracks, making for a total of 86 way, this is some screamin' mad shit Jr. (Get Hip, PO Box 666, Canonsburg, Spain. It doesn't really sound like tunes in all. While some might view here, all sludgy, dirty and fuckin' loud, PA 15317; ) garage music, but it sounds like it was CD sets this large as overkill, in the man. I think they're singin' in English, recorded in a garage. You can almost case of Los Lobos it seems to merely but it's damn hard to tell. I'm recom- NARCOLEPTIC YOUTH/ hear the big door rattling and the neigh- scratch the surface. So varied are the mending this disc for two reasons: 1) THE VOIDS bors calling to complain. You can liter- band's sounds and styles that it often The songs are mighty nice, and 2) Split 7" EP ally hear the singer hock a loogey. I seems that one is listening to a compi- Playin' it at excessive volume levels is NY: A cool musical melding of Sick point all this out by way of compli- lation of many bands rather than just sure to kill all rats, insects and small Pleasure and early Freeze. The lyrics menting the band, of course. They sing one. For example, on just the first disc dogs in a square mile radius around the are well written and the songs are in English, but judging from songs like in this set, the listener is treated to a speakers. Oh, wait.... Silly me, I acci- catchy as hell. Good stuff. Voids: "Suburban Twat," "Kill the Hippies," musical palette consisting of guajiras, dentally had the stereo runnin' through catchy, female-fronted hardcore that's and the title track, lyrics aren't what boleros, punk-propelled rockabilly, my guitar amp. Well, I still like it, even similar in sound and attack to Spain's these guys are all about. What they are nortenos, waltzes, blues, country and if it ain't as loud as I thought it was. Aerobitch. One damn good slab o' about is playing fast and loud punk that ballads, to name a few. Over the course -Jimmy Alvarado (Alive/Total Energy, vinyl here. -Jimmy Alvarado (Straight falls somewhere between Turbonegro of the remaining discs, new sounds are PO Box 7712, Burbank, CA 91510) Jacket, PO Box PO Box 136, Fullerton, and the Smut Peddlers. It's good stuff. added to the pot: weird hybrids of tra- CA 92836-0136) -Sean Carswell (Dead Beat, PO Box ditional Mexican rhythms coupled with MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT, 283, LA, CA 90078) English lyrics, psychedelia, cumbia THEE NATION OF ULYSSES Colombiana, swing, soul, art damage, "Gear Blues" CD "The Embassy Tapes" CD OXYMORON rock'n'roll and beyond. By the end of Just as Guitar Wolf re-interpreted Noisy, lo-fi, Birthday Party-ish chaos "Best Before 2000" CD the ride, it becomes painfully clear why Gene Vincent style cool and MC5 from this long gone DC band. Having This is a compilation of this German Los Lobos is one of the most respected flash in a kitschy, fun way, thee never heard them before, I'm in no band's tracks from various 7-inchers, groups of musicians in music today: Michelle Gun Elephant, in a strange position to compare this with their splits and comps. They play "street they are damn good at what they do. new twist, crosses the animalistic pas- other work, but I will say that I think I punk," but thankfully, they do it well. Not only have they consistently pro- sion of the Stooges with the rigid missed out on a lot back then, 'cause I The singer sounds a little like Wattie. duced some of the most exciting music NYC composure of the Ramones to really liked this a lot. -Jimmy Alvarado Hell, he looks a little like Wattie. I'm ever to come out of the United States, produce this furious blend of rockin' (Dischord, 3819 Beecher Street, NW really glad that they didn't include a they have done so over a span of time sukiyaki. On CD, anyway, this made Washington, DC 20007) lyric sheet, 'cause I probably woulda that has seen literally thousands of less- in Japan quartet howls, writhes and liked this less if I knew what they er bands hit that "Number One" lottery rolls like demon possessed samurai NEW BOMB TURKS were ranting on about. As it stands, I jackpot and quickly fade back into for fourteen tracks and the syntax of "The Blind Run" swirled purple vinyl liked this a lot. -Jimmy Alvarado obscurity. They've done it on their own the lyrics isn't nearly as bizarre as you 10" (Cyclone, 24 Pheasant Run, terms to boot, which is more than most might expect. -Bob (Alive/ This sonically turbulent 10-incher bel- Merrimack, NH 03054) of the biggie "punk" bands can say for Total Energy) ligerently blazes with all-out rough'n'- themselves. Sure, MIRAH tumble rock'n'roll crunch! The four siz- PAINTBOX 72 "Earth Ball Sports Tournament" CD "Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes" Alvarado (Hello, 100 E. Vine St., Suite punk rock sounds like. -Jimmy Here is a band that gets better and bet- CD 809, Lexington, KY 40507) Alvarado (Hard On, Jarntorgsgatan 10, ter. Starting with their self-titled 7" to Up to this album, I'd never fully gotten 703 61, Orebro, Sweden) their CD titled "Singing Shouting into Propagandhi. Basically, you could ROCKET 455 Crying" to the earth-shattering "The read their covers and know exactly "Cross-Eyed" 7" SCARED OF CHAKA Door" / "Provided Railroad" 7". The what the album was about: gay-posi- Rocket 455 raucously roar with robust "Seven Stories Tall" CD progression from the first to the current tive, animal-friendly, etc. These are bowery garagerock trashiness which An anthology of sorts, compiling vari- amazes me on how much a band can views that I essentially agree with, but sent me into a spastic state of all-out ous singles, B-sides, comp tracks and a improve and continue to grow while sentiments I'd heard much more com- foot-stompin' insanity. The duo of live set. If you've heard 'em before, you not staying within their formula. The pellingly by the political heavy hitters deviant ditties contained on this know what you're getting yourself into. last 7", including the current release, like Noam Chomsky, Emma Goldman, skull-pummelling platter of psychotic If you haven't, picture the Supercharger has moments of a spaghetti western and Howard Zinn. And when I listened sounds fiercely rage with murderous with a tad more hardcore sensibilities mixed with a blend of old school to their albums, Propagandhi was okay. musical madness like there just ain't no playing pop punk. Pretty good stuff. Japancore with some metal overtones. Definitely not as banal lyrically as Face tomorrow. It knocked me upside the -Jimmy Alvarado (702, PO Box 204, An absolute enjoyable listen. The songs to Face, but the music itself - essential- head with such full-force seething Reno, NV 89504) have melody and rage while they con- ly pop punk - left me neither a fan nor intensity, I'm now permanently tinue to search to find new elements to an antagonist of the band. I liked 'em brain-damaged, cross-eyed, and imbe- SHORT FUSES introduce. They bring in horns, more than Fifteen. Hell, at least they cilically slobberin' all over myself... "Get the Hell Down" CD acoustic guitar and harmonica at didn't treat their fans like idiots and talk wheeeee, what fun! -Roger Moser, Jr. Sounds like the BellRays with more moments to add more texture to their down to them. But I think Moral Crux (Get Hip, PO Box 666, Canonsburg, restraint. A pinch less soul and a dab music. If you have been following the did a better job asking for a riot while PA 15317; or more metal. Either way, the formula's Japanese music scene, you know that chewing through bubblegum pop Rocket 455, 5299 Tarnow, Detroit, MI still the same but the ingredients aren't these guys are heavy hitters. songs. Well, with "Today's Empires," 48210) quite right. Maybe the oven wasn't at -Donofthedead (HG Fact, 105 Nakano that's all changed. This album is fantas- the right temp. A few listens and I'm Shinbashi-M, 2-7-15 Yayoi-Cho, tic; the lyrics are hyper intelligent, RONDELLES, THE disappointed. -RumbleStripper Nakano, Tokyo164-0013, Japan) cogent, and literate. The attacks are "The Fox" CD (Sympathy for the Record Industry) focused. Their previously ham-fisted I was a little bit disturbed when I first PATRIOT platitudes are pocketed for syringe listened to this CD, for it's a bit differ- SICK BEES "We the People" CD attacks filled with acid that burns onto ent from their last and first (self-titled) "My Pleasure" CD Pretty decent American bald boy stuff. the small patches of exposed neck of album. The first album reminded me of This was kind of a harsh listen at first, Judging from the name of the band, I corporate and governmental graft, pro- rollerskating rings and comic book but I worked it in like a pair of Docs. expected a lot of stupid lyrics brim- viding small windows into reading. It was a little more pop-y and Sick Bees are a duo (guitar and drums) ming with blind patriotism, but that Propagandhi's very real world of the keyboards were a little more promi- but they do have bass and some key- doesn't seem to be the case. There's the active, perpetual rebellion. The music nent. "The Fox" sounds a little harder, a boards on the album. This album expe- usual praising of "street punk" music, matches the cacophony and gets about little more mature. Here's where I have riences many attitude changes through- drinking, yadda yadda, but the lyrics as as fast as you can get while retaining a torn feelings. I respect a band who out its entirety. Songs go from light and a whole are not bad enough to make melody. Seething of speedmetal, the finds maturity with their music, but part twangy to harsh and heavy. A clarinet you cringe. The music itself is well entire album sounds like it's surrounded of the charm of the Rondelles are their gets some good use. Overall a good lis- executed and pretty catchy. Not bad. by barbed wire, like these ideas were teenage rebelliousness. This album still ten. -Harmonee (Up, Box 21328, -Jimmy Alvarado (GMM, PO Box made in an interment camp or they're gives you plenty of room to dance and Seattle, WA 98111) 15234, Atlanta, GA 30333) already illegal by committing the crime play your electric air guitar. I guess of thought contrary to popularized these CDs are the difference between SLIGHT SLAPPERS POPDEFECT Disney-fied belief. Whatever happened chocolate cake and brownies. I like one "A Selfish World Called Freedom" CD "R.I.P." CD to them in the last five years since for its light and airy sweetness, but I The band's name is a misnomer, for A surfy/thrashy/pop band for twenty "Less Talk, More Rock," has made me like another for it's thick, stick-to-the- there is nothing slight about what they debaucherous years, PopDefect takes an unabashed fan. -Todd (Fat, PO Box roof-of-my-mouth gooey goodness. do. Their music is the aural equivalent its final bows with a little pathos, a lit- 193690, SF, CA 94119-3690) Both are equally as exciting and good, of being repeatedly bitch-slapped with tle bathos and a dash of self-depreciat- served up fresh and with love by the a studded metal fly swatter. This is a ing humor on this full-length album. Q AND NOT U band we all crave. -Harmonee (Teen seein' stars, turn all the lights off, no This release contains new recordings "No Kill No Beep Beep" CD Beat, PO Box 3265, Arlington, VA relief in sight migraine that no amount of "Drunken Sailor," "Vena's Kinda heavy on the college rock at 22203; of aspirin is gonna help. It's all Revenge," and "Rock in My Hand" times, this disc nevertheless has an hyper-speed tempos, over-the top that aren't too different from the previ- edginess that manages to transcend RUMBLESEAT screeching and a "let's go in, kill 'em all ously available versions, but it's nice any wimpy pretentiousness that the "Trestles" b/w "Restless" 7" and get the fuck out" plan of attack. to have them all in one place on what dreaded "C" word might evoke. Pretty This is the country side project of Chris The title of their opening salvo says it might be the band's finest collection of good. -Jimmy Alvarado (Dischord, and Chuck of Hot Water Music, along all: "Tokyo Power Violence." -Jimmy songs ever. The CD's final cut, "Dirge 3819 Beecher Street, NW with Samantha Jones, that heavily Alvarado (HG Fact, 105 Nakano Overkill," is a song lamenting the last Washington, DC 20007) reminds me of Johnny Cash's "Rock Shinbashi-M, 2-7-15 Yahoi-Cho, beer at a party that has long run its Island Line" LP (mostly because it's Nakano, Tokyo 164-0013 Japan) course as the band finds itself "far RAGGITY ANNE chock-full of railroad references). It's from the greatest show on earth" and "Only Square People Think It's Cool to replete with solemn echoes, poetic SLIGHT SLAPPERS serves as a moving coda to the band's be Cool" CD vagrants, and souls who have been "A Selfish World Called Freedom" CD lengthy career. The keg may have run Bland pop punk disguised as '60s trash beaten but not broken accompanied by My band did a split with these guys and dry but the memories will last a lunch rock. Bastards. -Jimmy Alvarado (Boss plaintive vocals and a warm-toned, hol- it was one of our more popular releas- time. -Bob (Heart Murmur, PO Box Tuneage, PO Box 19550, London, low-body guitar. What keeps it far from es. Fastcore at its finest - manic rage 50602, LA, CA 90050) SW1 1FG, UK) sucking is that it's cliche-free, and it that feels like a power drill is being trembles out of the speakers as forced against your temple while you PROJECT K RAW POWER heart-felt. A welcome change of pace. are overdosing on amphetamines. "Testing Underway" CD "Trust Me" CD -Todd ($3 ppd. to No Idea, PO Box Screaming vocals are flowing over gui- When PopDefect's demise became It's been nigh on 15 years since I last 14636, Gainsville, FL 32604-4636. tar riffs that are so fast that you wonder inevitable a couple of years ago, drum- heard anything from this Italian institu- Rumbleseat, 116 NW 13th St. #141, if it is possible. The drum beats are mer Nick Scott said that he would tion and, judging from this release, Gainsville, FL 32604) pounded so fast you wonder if the tape probably fill the void by "joining the things haven't changed much. The for- machine was sped up. I sometimes Paper Tulips or something." From that mula is still metallic guitars married to SAIBON think the bass player must have callus- notion sprung Project K, a power trio over-the-top, punishing hardcore. The "Number Two" 7" EP es the size of quarters on his fingers. It's featuring Scott, Tulips' guitarist Greg only noticable difference I'm able to Who the fuck are these guys? This is a full release with 20 tracks that barely Kay and bassist Io Perry. As he did with detect is that Mauro's voice has gotten some righteous fast punkrockdon't- clocks in just under 21 minutes; short the Tulips, Kay brings a delightfully a little raspier over the years. If you like giveashittearthefuckinghousedown bursts of intense energy that peeks your quirky lilt and skewed poetic vision to your hardcore pretty mean, you can't go genius! Eight brilliant tracks on this adrenaline meter to the point of a heart the material that makes songs like wrong with Raw Power. A word of cau- piece of shit disc, every one of them attack and you survive with no side "Little Things" and "Just One Kiss" tion, though. Don't expect eloquent crucial listening matter for anyone even effects. This is the first thing you need darn catchy. Hopefully, this collabora- lyrics, because it is sometimes painful- pretending to have a clue. I suggest you to listen to after leaving that shitty job tion will last a good long while, too. ly obvious that, although they are able buy out the pressing of this and give you got stuck in. -Donofthedead (HG -Bob (Bong Load) to get their basic point across, their 'em to all those Blink fans at your Fact) PROPAGANDHI native language is not English. -Jimmy school so that they'll know what real SMALL BROWN 73 BIKE worker surfers, and being in love with a ences to early Misfits and the Rev), only TRASH BRATS "Dead Reckoning" CD girl with a bona fide psychological dis- the most bored and bitter of devotees "Songs in the Key of F U" CD Small Brown Bike is touring with order. I'd even go far to say that could wonder why this shouldn't be the Glam punk, meant in the best sense of Leatherface and Hot Water Music now, "Surfer's Grave" is an epic. A surprise. American psychobilly "IT" band of the the term. These guys have apparently and that line-up sounds just about right What separates this release from the rest millennium. Although the album gets been around forever, but they don't because Small Brown Bike is definitely of the Hostage pack? The band's actual- off to a rollicking good start like any seem to be lacking in the Hanoi in the same vein, musically. There's a ly smiling on the picture on the insert. great Klingonz album would, Nick 13's Rocks/Electric Chairs-inspired hooks sense of racing towards the edge of -Todd (Hostage, PO Box 7736, (insert hysterical bobby soxer screams department. Yeah, there's more bands chaos without going off. The sound is Huntington Beach, CA 92615) here) mellifluous voice, albeit strong doing this shtick these days than is very full, and everyone seems to be and unwavering, doesn't always con- probably good, and most of them do doing something interesting. The bass SOLAR SATURDAY, THE vince or make a concave impression suck pretty fucking hard, but these guys guitar is more prevalent in this album "The Solar Saturday" EP through the blistering muck of a nim- appear to be one of those rare excep- than in most rock'n'roll records, but not Kinda garage/lounge/indie. The key- bly-played stand-up and rip-roarin' gui- tions, that hidden ruby in a putrid dung in a wanking way. Ben Reed has a way boardist from Papas Fritas is in the band tar, all done up in proper style. But there heap. The fact that they also have a of playing bass like it's a drum, filling in so it does sound a bit like them. is redemption - Nick's voice shines like healthy sense of humor doesn't hurt spaces between beats. It's very cool and Definitely Silverlake lounge-able for a Gibbous moon late for Halloween on matters much. Thumbs up. P.S.: Thanks it matches well with the rest of the those of you in the LA area and know the more country-oriented material for not including the cover of songs, which all rock. Lyrically, it where I'm talking about. If you're not (akin to Ness sans battle scars) and may "Civilization's Dying." You have no comes across as the poetry of a melan- fond of bands who bear tambourines, send chills through the spines of any idea how many cover versions of that choly guy in his twenties, which I don't then you might not like Solar Saturday. pretty-boy lovin' Bang Bang sissy. fucking song I've been subjected to really dig, but when you don't read the -Harmonee (Nearby Music, PO Box Caveat emptor: proceed with caution these last few months. -Jimmy Alvarado lyric sheet, you catch only snippets of 441448, Somerville, MA 02144) and a grain of salt. The hoodoo-voodoo pretty poetic lines, and I do dig that. No setting may bore you to death and that TRUE NORTH Idea found a real gem in this band. I'm STRAIGHTFACED ain't how the properly evil die. "We Speak in Code" CD looking forward to catching them live "Pulling Teeth" CD -RumbleStripper (Hellcat; I saw these guys open up for Fugazi a when they come around. -Sean Carswell If I were in Helmet, I'd sue these guys , while ago. They weren't the band that (No Idea, PO Box 14636, Gainesville, back into the Stone Age. -Jimmy ) Fugazi took on tour with them to open, FL 32604) Alvarado (Epitaph, 2798 Sunset Blvd., just the local band that gets to open for LA, CA 90026) TILTWHEEL/ OVAL split 7" the band that gets to tour with Fugazi. SMOGTOWN This 7" has two three-piece bands who Pretty far down on the totem pole, is "Audiophile" 7" EP STRIKE ANYWHERE approach music similarly. Tiltwheel: what I'm getting at. Anyway, they left The question I find myself presented "Chorus of One" CDEP unsung, virtually unknown, and usually me with the strange sensation of wanti- with is this: How or what makes Fuck me, this is great. Ever listen to hands-down favorites of mine, don't ng the opening band's set to last longer Smogtown the best at what they do - bands that burn fast and hot just like play poorly, but Davey's vocals on this and the even stranger sensation of want- surf punk? The title track fucking kills gasoline, that make you want to start 7" sound like a hybrid between Alvin ing the band opening for Fugazi's set to and plays along like an air raid siren fires the first time you put them on? Chipmunk and a prostate cancer'd Bob last longer. Then, I didn't hear anything blasting over a bong-toking beach party. They've got the supercharged posi-core Mould - tight, high, and uncomfortable. from them again for over a year, so It's the fun, nervous tension that they anthems for tomorrow dynamics down It think it's the mastering or Davey lost when I saw this album, I was stoked. capture which is so addictive. I can hear to a tee. I hear a lot of Good Riddance, a testicle and didn't tell anyone. The first time I listened to it, I liked it, echoes of the past of Orange County only if Russ was cloned three times and Anyhow, if you're willing to be netted but it didn't strike me as anything that punk, but those echoes are distant com- did backup vocals. I hear a lot of Avail. into songs instead of going for a "pro- special. I may have even passed on it if pared to the absolutely fresh scree Super tight, uber-force Richmond, fessional," bright hook, Tiltwheel will I hadn't enjoyed their set so much. With Smogtown continues to provide. They Virginia songs of rebellion. (Lyrics pro- grab a toe and take you down slowly. each listen, though, this album gets bet- even tackle and champion an instrumen- claim "resist infiltration," "we are at (Well, except the second song is a cover ter. True North is definitely a Fugazi tal on this one: "Blackout in Beach war" and "leave their power unfilled." of Cher's "Believe.") Their last LP, progeny. They have that edge and that City." As with anything that has And the conviction is so believable that "Hair-Brained Scheme Addicts" is well sense of disjointedness. The singer even Smogtown on the cover, you'll be a bet- it's far from laughable.) I hear a lot of worth seeking out. Oval: hyper-profi- sounds a little bit like Guy. The music ter person if you buy it. That all said, the Hot Water Music. The guitarists are cient, super-tight Japanese rock, much isn't quite as complex or polished as cover blows. Sorry, but it looks like twining the same strands of rope into a in the vein of Leatherface's instrumenta- Fugazi, but the songs tend to carry a someone just learned computer layout, double-tight musical noose and tion (i.e. they build this thing called ten- higher rockin' factor. And now that this found the emboss filter and had a 45 although the songs are powerful, they're sion instead of doing a bar chord). If album has spent some time in my high spool to play with. My only qualm with not simple, wanky, nor fearful of slow- you give your ears the time to unspool rotation, I'm starting to like everything the band? Tour, you fuckers, tour and ing down on occasion. Most important- what's being played, you realize how about it from the tempo changes and the world will be yours. -Todd ly, I hear a band that believes in them- lazy most other pop bands are. The only methodic nuances to the photos in the (Hostage, PO Box 7736, Huntington selves. Impressive first volley across the drawback is, once again, the vocals, CD booklet (including one photo of the Beach, CA 92615) bow. I think Jade Tree's going to which are scratchy and stuck in killer Gainesville record collective, the re-release this. -Todd (Red Leader, PO mid-screech all the way through - but Wayward Council). Highly recom- SMUT PEDDLERS Box 20836 - Park West Finance Station, maybe that's how they always sound. mended. -Sean Carswell (No Idea, PO "Bipolar Girl" 7" EP NY, NY 10025; Last word: hard to fully endorse Box 14636, Gainesville, FL 32604) Tickle me pink and tattoo a skull on my ) because of the vocals, but wouldn't hurt throat. This is good. When I'd cordoned to snap up if you see it in the bin. -Todd TRUE NORTH off the Smut Peddlers to the playground SWALLOWING SHIT (Snuffy Smile, 4-1-16-201, Daita, "We Speak in Code" CD of The Dwarves and GG Allin camp of Self-titled CD Setagaya-ku, Tokyo 155-0033, Japan) Take a blender. Add equal parts early white trash punk, comes this slab of As you may have deduced by the band Minutemen, hardcore and arty preten- wax. The playing has always been pow- name, these guys play(ed) crushing, TRASH BRATS, THEE tiousness. Set controls for puree. Ingest. erful (shit, with Roger Ramjet super-fast hardcore with throat-shred- "Rocket To Heaven" 7" Relax, it's better than it sounds. -Jimmy (X-Members, Pushers, ADZ) skinning ding vocals. This is supposedly an The two tumultuous topsy-turvy tunes Alvarado (No Idea) his guitar, leading the attack) and with anthology of their recorded work. on this here vicious lil' piece of vinyl are Julia's drumming and Gish's bass, the There's 16 tracks, but the last one actu- twisted, crazed, and raucously turbu- TUULI music's been as tight as a liposuctioned ally consists of four or five little tracks, lent; the frenzied epitome of trashy "Rockstar Potential" CD thigh on a soccer mom, but the lyrics bringing the total to 20-21 tracks clock- rock'n'roll wickedness! Imagine an This six-song CD is a virtual re-release seemed - well - a bit dumb. I'm not ask- ing in at 18 minutes total. One of the amped-out faster-paced New York Dolls of the Toronto band's "Hotrods & ing for "Masterpiece Theatre" or any- guys is now in Propaghandi, if that cacophonously crossbred with a louder Honeysuckle" six song debut which was thing, but it seemed they were gonna get means anything to anyone. Pretty mean more frantic Lazy Cowgirls, and there pretty much available only in Canada as complex and deep as shooting speed. shit. -Jimmy Alvarado (G7 Welcoming ya have the sleazy sonic aggression of previously. The only difference is the Maybe I wasn't listening closely enough Committee, PO Box 27006, 360 Main Thee Trash Brats. My ears are now a substitution of the Go-Gos-like "Who's before. For example, with the song and Street Concourse, Winnipeg, MB R3C, smoldering mound of mush, and I just The Fool Now" for the song "So Glad" main chorus "Let's Get (Fucked Up)" is 4T3 Canada) couldn't be any happier! - Roger Moser, on the old release. A wise decision as the inverse of what you're thinking. It's Jr. (Law Less, PO Box 689, Hingham, "Who's the Fool Now" is the superior about the travails of a sober guy drink- TIGER ARMY MA 02043-0689 or Thee Trash Brats, song. And, also wisely, they chose to ing fizzy apple cider on New Years Eve. Self-titled CD PO Box 05387, Detroit, MI 48205; retain their delicious cover of the And the other two songs complete With such "powerhouse" affiliations ) Vibrators "Baby, Baby" which alone Polaroid snapshots of Orange County in (A.F.I., Tim Armstrong, Rob Peltier of makes this EP worth getting. -Bob decline - surfers with Hepatitis C, the Quakes, nourishment from the (Sympathy) washed-up construction Hellbillys and across-the-board refer- 74 TWO TON BOA haven't done that since I bought my first VARIOUS ARTISTS this disc has 30 absolutely smoking Self-titled CD "Rodney" comp back in 81! Mark my "Live at the Starlight, Fort Collins, CO" punk/hardcore/grind tracks from a vari- This band is fascinating to say the least. words: this disc will go down in the 7" ety of American countries where some Supported by drums, two electric bass annals of punk rock history as one of the This is a four-way split 7", recorded live dialect of Latin is spoken and being a and the acidic voice and lyrics of Sherry most important musical documents of a on the same night. Tanger: they've got punk is not a fashion statement but an Fraser, Two Ton Boa does in fact supply scene ever released, right next to "Flex the dissonant, jagged musical edge of act of rebellion that could very likely that much weight. They're kind of like Your Head," "This is Boston, Not L.A.," Black Flag without the internal bite and get you killed. I would imagine that, watching a collision on the highway, a "Not So Quiet on the Western Front," damage index. Fair but not necessarily aside from Brazil's Ratos de Porao, the body lay there rotting in the sun near the "Beach Blvd." and "Lawrence Welk rad. Good Riddance: realizing they're average U.S. punker would have no idea center divider, but you apply your Presents: the Sound of Andorra." Trust becoming a fine hardcore band while who any of the bands on here are, so I brakes, compelled to observe the gore me, you NEED this. -Jimmy Alvarado retaining what they learned playing pop won't bother listing them. If you dig spread out before you and you give a (Hostage, PO Box 7736, Huntington punk is one of the best moves Russ and your hardcore loud, fast, and pissed off, crack to the window just enough to Beach, CA 92615; company have made. "Yesterday Died, though, you'd be a fool not to pick this inhale the stench. This CD glows with ) Tomorrow Won't Be Born" is the fastest up. International comps this good don't the sounds and spirits invoked from - and my favorite - song of the bunch: come along too often. -Jimmy Alvarado early carnival, circus and freak shows. VARIOUS ARTISTS terror with melody. Wretch Like Me: (Six Weeks, no visible address) To become enthralled is only the begin- "Hostage Situation" CD they write good songs but are still play- ning. Go ahead and try to not listen to Anything less would simply be a disap- ing in the shadow of their mentors, All. VARIOUS ARTISTS this CD first note to last. It's hard to pointment from Hostage Records. I was All: play an art punk jazz metal remix of "Tomorrow Will Be Worse Volume 2" press the stop button when your eyes are truly blown away by the power and "Educated Idiot" that'll definitely CD glazed over and your body's bathed in emotions spewed out by these bands. stretch the ears (and perhaps the Full-throttle, punishing hardcore here, sweat. -Harmonee (Kill Rock Stars, 120 The variety in styles also helped shape patience) of first-time listeners. A nice courtesy of Real Reggae, Krigshot, MK NE State Ave., Olympia, WA 98501) the sound of the true underground scene audio document, kinda like a punk diary Ultra, Mukeka di Rato, 9 Shocks Terror, we've managed to keep alive over the entry. -Todd (O and O, PO Box 36, Fort Uncurbed, Scalplock and Ruido. The URKO years. With music like this, I wonder Collins, CO 80522; ) there ain't a bad one in the lot. Excuse rashcrustpunkshit" 7" EP to the radio these days. Before I forget, me while I stagedive offa this here The tile of this sweet little piece of wax there's a secret photo which I dicovered VARIOUS ARTISTS desk... -Jimmy Alvarado (Sound says it all. -Jimmy Alvarado while finding a place to hide my dope "Quarters Vol. 1" 7" Pollution, PO Box 17742, Covington, (Disintegration, PMB 419, 1442A (just kidding). If you pop out the plastic Four-way split 7". Small Brown Bike: KY 41017) Walnut St., Berkeley, CA 94709) disc holder inside, you'll find a photo fantastic, ecstatic, run-down-hill- consisting of many of the band mem- screaming power with bottle rockets WARLOCKS, THE VARIOUS ARTISTS bers at a beach party, which I thought launching out of their pockets. They're a Self-titled CD "0 to 60 in 73 Bands" CD was a cool idea. Songs that stand out listen akin to a melody assault - kinda The Kinks and the Velvet Underground The title says it all, zero to 60, as in sec- above the rest include: The Spooky's like firearms and open arms. Lovesick: go to see Pink Floyd, who are trying to onds. Most of the bands are probably "Highway 39," Bonecrusher's thrashy, screamy, acerbic, and grating channel the spirit of the Monkees cover- not too well known, but there are a cou- "Warriors," Discontent's "The Shakes," self-professed Midwest "heartcore." ing Ravi Shankar through a lava lamp ple o' "names" here (Oi Polloi, the Smut Peddlers, "Hoosegow," The Well-intentioned but not so enjoyable. that has apparently been force-fed to Vapids). The music is startlingly Numbers, "I'm #1," The Crowd (doing Keleton DMD: Helmet meets Jawbox. Jim Morrison's belly button. -Jimmy diverse, from pop punk to hardcore to an excellent job of covering the Band plays stop-start, heavy poetic Alvarado (Bomp, PO Box 7112, grind to hip-hop to noise to acoustic and Weirdos') "Solitary Confinement," The jams. I shrug. Quixote: slowish and Burbank, CA 91510) anywhere in between. As expected, Bleeders, "Elvis & Edie," and The herky jerky, so much so, I figure ways there are some tracks that are dubious at Pushers, "You're Not," (along with an to rig the turntable so Small Brown Bike WILD SAMMY & best, but the majority of them are pretty outstanding cover of the Stones') can launch from the other side and do THE ROYALTONES good and the disc as a whole is worth "Respectable." The accompaning book- some ass whooping. Song ends. I get "Speed Crazy" CD your time. -Jimmy Alvarado (No!No!, let is basically a history of Hostage beer. -Todd (Salinger Press, #06 180 Wild is right. This is some Grade-A, 1862 Virnankay, Ann Arbor, MI 48103) Records including all the bands that Rosetta, Auburn Hills, MI 48326; smokin' surf music from a top-notch gave inspiration to the birth of Hostage, ) Japanese trio. The rhythm section pro- VARIOUS ARTISTS including The Stitches and their own vides a solid backbeat for a guitarist "H.E.A.R. This" CD release of the "Sixteen" 7". Once again, VARIOUS ARTISTS who has all the chops to put him up in A pretty good sampling of punk old and Rick Bain has proven himself to be an "Songs for the Jetset 2000" CD league with Dick Dale hisself. No bull- new, featuring the Lewd, Avengers, unselfish asset to the "only music" phi- This CD is fabulous. Imagine yourself shittin' here, kid, this is some seriously Suicide King N.Y., Shonen Knife, losophy that matters. -Pete Hucklebuck sitting in one of those wobbly, double- good music. -Jimmy Alvarado (One Damnation, Scared of Chaka, Texas (Hostage) cubbied, black science desks with the Million Dollar, address cut off by some Terri, VKTMS, Tongue, Mary Monday, bunsen burner hookup in the middle of asshole at the label trying to prevent this The Bellrays and many more. This was VARIOUS ARTISTS it, back in the seventh grade, watching a from being resold. Your loss in the end, better than I expected. Proceeds benefit "Internationally Yours Volume 2" 7" cheezy mid-'70s educational video moron) Hearing Education and Awareness for Ditchdiggin' Records once again about wind or the movement of human Rockers. -Jimmy Alvarado (Sub City, unleashes seven inches of ear-searing muscles. While watching neon outlines X PO Box 7495, Van Nuys, CA punkrock insurgency and "old school" of someone doing a cartwheel, an x-ray "Home is Where the Floor is" 7" EP 91409-7495) audial anarchy from around the world. of someone chewing and swallowing, or Not to be confused with the LA band, It's a mayhemic musical melange sedi- a girl with a blonde feather hairdo blow- this is a collection of late-'70s record- VARIOUS ARTISTS tiously swirling with riot-inciting ing the seeds off a dandelion in the sun- ings by this long-gone Aussie band. Hostage Situation" CD urgency and balls-out badboy belliger- shine, this music is playing. It's kind of What it sounds like is raw, rude punk An absolutely amazing comp of what's ence! Seven cacophonously chaotic an April March meets Air sort of thing, slop with virtually no discernable been happening on Southern combos blast their skin-blistering brand with maybe a few Atari game ditties Ramones influence whatsoever. Classic, California's beaches the past few years. of aural revolt on this here gut-pum- thrown in for fun. Exciting in an early to say the least. -Jimmy Alvarado Included are tracks from Smogtown, melling platter of pure barbaric episode of Sesame Street kind of way. (Rocknroll Blitzkrieg, PO Box 11906, The Bleeders, The Numbers, Smut punkrock viciousness: The Goddamn This CD makes me want to eat cereal, Berkeley, CA 94712) Peddlers, Bonecrusher, The Negatives, Ditchdiggers (Texas), Planet Trash and that's a good thing. -Harmonee The Spooky, The Crowd, The Bodies, (Sweden), The Stillborns (Indiana), (Jetset, 67 Vestry St., NY, NY 10013) Instagon, Discontent, The Fakes, The Unfortunate Sons (Texas), Aaargh! Pushers, Curb, and The Decline, all of (France), Skurvy The Clown (Florida), VARIOUS ARTISTS which are previously unreleased and all and Billy Boy E La Sua Banda (Italy). "South America In Decline" CD of which are crucial. Even bands that Yep, this is the savage sound of all-out First, my obligatory bitch: Why is it that did little for me before clock in here indefatigable insurrection runnin' people insist on including Mexico, with some amazing tracks. Fuck, there's crazed and rabidly rampant in the streets Guatemala, Nicaragua, Honduras and even quality readin' material on the and alleys of anytown and everytown all other countries in that area with South inside that has nothin' to do with how to over this godforsaken globe... -Roger America? The majority of Mexico rests contact the band. When's the last time Moser, Jr. (Ditchdiggin' Recs., 106 on the North American plate, which anyone had the courtesy to provide you Horaney Street, Longview, TX 75601; makes it part of North America, NOT with something worthwhile to read with South America. The other countries I a comp?!? Rick Bain has outdone his- or The OldSchool zine, 4621 El Campo, mentioned are part of Central America. self with this puppy. Look at me, I'm Ft. Worth, TX 76132; I won't even get into the fact that Puerto gushing over a fucking punk comp. I ) Rico is a Caribbean Island. That said, 75 BOOK OF LETTERS #14, $3 drenched interview with former Day, Rainer Maria, The ppd., 5 ½ X 8 ½, copied, 48 pgs. Feederz frontman Frank Anniversary, Radar Mercury, The There's no getting around the fact Discussion; and pretty thorough Lapse, Rusty Nails, and Novena. I that Rich Mackin is a funny moth- coverage of various hardcore do have a question for Jim Testa, erfucker. I've read his first thirteen bands. Matt does a lot of interest- the editor, though. Why so low a books of letters and number four- ing things graphically that aid to line screen on all your photos? It teen still had me laughing to beat your reading rather than disrupt it. looks like all of the in-house the band. Parts anyway. Mackin's There's also a handful of columns graphics are viewed through letters to corporations are sharp, and a bunch of record reviews. I miniature chain link fences. You witty, and occasionally pretty deep. like this zine a lot. -Sean Carswell can bump those bad boys to 85 Some corporations are still taking (Engine, PO Box 64666, LA, CA lines per inch, and it’ll print nice. the bait. A few consumer reps took 90064) All in all, a real solid musical the time to respond to Mackin per- resource that’s definitely keeping sonally, and no matter how lame a EXTREME CONFORMITY #3, its ears to the ground and hearing personal response comes across, I $3 ppd., 4 ¼ X 11, copied, 60 pgs. the future shocks of the music still admire it ten times more than This is a fiction zine from Larry world. -Todd (Jersey Beat, 418 the always lame form letters Nocella of QECE. It's a hilarious Gregory Ave., Weehawken, NY Mackin seems to get reams of. story about an art exhibit gone 07087) Kellogg's responded to a Mackin awry, and in a tongue and cheek haiku. I thought that was pretty manner, Nocella attacks mob men- MICRO-FILM #3, $3.50 ppd., cool. After I got done laughing, I tality, censorship, the media, 8 ½ X 11, offset glossy, 38 pgs. spent a lot of time thinking about protests, and pretentious art fucks. Reading Micro-Film is pleasant the founder of Kellogg's and what I laughed all the way through read- torture for me. It's full of interest- a health nut he was (and I do mean ing this. Nocella also did some- ing articles about independent nut) and how ironic it is that the thing really cool by posting this films that I know I'll never get to Send all zines for review to company making a fortune off his issue of this zine on the web and see, but I love to read about them Razorcake, PO Box 42129, LA, name is doing it by using geneti- letting you download it for free. and think how cool it would be if CA 90042. Please include the a cally engineered flakes. I bet that Send me three dollars and I'll give the movie theater down the street contact address, the number of puts tabasco in the ghost of Dr. you the web address. Or skip the showed them instead of fucking pages, the price, and whether or Kellogg's colostomy bag. And so it middleman and check out Larry's Hannibal. But even knowing that I not you accept trades. goes. Good for hours of entertain- stuff at: can't get my hands on most of the ment. -Sean Carswell (Rich . movies covered in Micro-Film, I Mackin, PO Box 890, Allston, MA -Sean Carswell (QECE, 406 Main appreciate knowing that indepen- 02134) St. #3c, Collegeville, PA 19426) dent filmmaking is still alive, vital, and only a couple of years of tech- CLAMOR #6, $4 ppd., 8 ½ X 11, GARAGE AND BEAT #1, $3.50 nological advancements and price offset glossy, 90pgs. ppd., 8 ½ X 11, offset newsprint, reductions away from being acces- I think Clamor is trying to take the 46 pgs. sible. I always dig Jason Pankoke's place of left leaning mags like I always liked Edwin's column, No editorials, too. He has a way of Harper's and The Nation by not Car Garage, in Flipside. He knows starting with what appears to be a pulling any punches and covering so much about music and has a real simple story about being a movie issues from a punk rock perspec- talent for sharing that knowledge fan, then transcending into a subtly tive. The news isn't as timely as the with you without pulling the typi- philosophical diatribe that relates larger magazines, but in most cal record collector bullshit of to my life and things I've been cases, it's more thorough. Word on making you feel stupid for not thinking about. And as for the films the street has it that Clamor was knowing about, say, a Japanese I'll never see, this issue covers two even voted best new magazine by garage rock album that went out of indie punk rock flicks, Godass and Utne Reader. So it's definitely print five years before you were Threat; the latest Troma film respectable. This issue has articles born. The premier issue of Garage (Troma is the team that made Toxic on the police strategies surround- and Beat reads like an extended Avenger); a new movie funded by ing the protest of the Democratic Edwin column, with the common Kevin Smith and written and National Convention, an interview Edwin homage to Dionysus directed by one of his filmmaking with Spitting Image author Jerry Records and the Dave Clark Five, buddies, Vincent Pereira; and a Lembcke, a history of skate parks, plus a down-to-earth story about bunch more really cool looking and a bunch of articles covering his passion for record collecting; movies. -Sean Carswell (Opteryx different political, economic, and interviews with Les Sexareenos Press, PO Box 45, Champaign, IL cultural issues. Some kook even and the Bobbyteens; and bunch of 61824) wrote an article about the newest record reviews. All in all, it's a Star Wars movie and how it's a good read. -Sean Carswell (P. OFF-LINE #15, $1 by mail, free metaphor for American society. Edwin Letcher, 2754 Prewitt St., to low-income, 5 ½ X 8 ½, copied, Geez, where'd they find that guy? Los Angeles, CA 90031) 63 pgs. Anyway, the quality of the articles Off-line’s a serious political zine varies, but there are definitely JERSEY BEAT #67, $3.00 ppd., 8 that doesn’t shy from a fight in some gems in here. -Sean Carswell ½ X 11, offset newsprint, over a print. Although it borders on self- (Clamor, PO Box 1225, Bowling hundred pages. righteous indignation on occasion, Green, OH 43402) The title helps you out - lots of there’s no denying its scholarship, music that’s from or coming passion, diction, and erudition. ENGINE #6, $3 ppd., 8 ½ X 11, through New Jersey. Literally This issue has a long piece dissect- offset newsprint, 60 pgs. thousands of reviews. (Quite a few ing an attack on pacifism (going to This is another cool issue of Matt of the columns are just more great detail to separate it from pas- Average's hardcore and punk zine. reviews, separated by critic.) This sivism), first-person accounts of There's a great drunken interview issue’s coverage leans toward the the rallies against the School of the with Smogtown; an equally great if less aggro and more to the intro- Americas, vegan recipes, and less drunken interview with the spective and “musically crafting” lengthy open-forum discussions Stitches; a lengthy, Santaria- bands. Interviews with Saves The from people who don’t agree with 76 the main writer, Vincent. What’s though they take on serious issues, further striking is that Vincent is they don't take themselves too seri- simultaneously a devout metal- ously. In some parts, it's pretty head, Catholic, and a heavy duty damn funny. Editor Larry Nocella peacenik activist; a unique melding is serious about taking over the of influences that all twine to an media from the grassroots, and I'll interesting, engaging perspective. take QECE over The New The only off-putting element of the Republic any day. -Sean Carswell zine are the jabs and asides of con- (QECE, 406 Main St. #3c, descension to people he disagrees Collegeville, PA 19426) with. Although he’s well-armed with ideas - and is most often right SHORT, FAST AND LOUD! #5, - I think he’d benefit from keeping $2.00, 8 ½ X 11, offset newsprint, the soapbox home once in a while. 56 ppgs. (For example, he’s flabbergasted The name says it all. ADD thrash- on why someone would join the ers unite. If you like Cookie Army and not so interested in what Monster vocalists, assflaps, fork- keeps the Army such an attractive in-garbage-disposal solos, and tack alternative to so many people. (A the word “core” to every possible great resource that melds both a musical style (Japancore, blurcore, religious perspective to military grindcore), this is your bag of life is the book “On Killing,” by Lt. nails. Edited by Chris Dodge Col. David Grossman)). That all (Spazz, Slap a Ham Records), the said, I can honestly say I learned music selection is spot on. Clean more in 63 pages of Off-line than I layouts, pics of people jumping did in a semester of high school really high, and a refreshing load history. -Todd (Claire E. Cocco and of fanaticism, all make this pretty Vincent J. Romano, 35 Barker pleasant. Interviews and articles Ave., #4G, White Plains, NY about Heresy, Nice View, and 10601) Blaine Cook of the Fartz. My only quibble is that some of the colum- PUNK #2, $5 PPD., 8 ½ X 11, off- nists seem so fucking bored and set newsprint, glossy cover, 50pgs. jaded - instead of as amped up and Hey, look, twenty-plus years crazed as the music they’re writing between issues. It’s still got lots of about. -Todd (Short, Fast, and hand lettering. It’s kind of like Mad Loud, PO Box 420843, SF, CA Magazine. It’s got a lot of scensters 94142-0843) writing for it. They name Blink 182 as the 62nd top band of ‘99. SUBURBAN VOICE #44, $4.00 and twenty-two more bands. -Sean strip and about to jump on the free- Interviews with Murphy’s Law, ppd., 8 ½ X 11, offset newsprint, Carswell (Suburban Voice, PO Box way.” Fine, fine read, even if you Niagara, Machinegun (Chris Fields glossy cover, 144 pgs. 2746, Lynn, MA 01903) don’t know or will never listen to of Jon Cougar Concentration I was flipping through a book about the band he’s musing about. -Todd Camp), futuristic novelist William punk rock poster art the other day, TILTED #1, $1 ppd. (?), 4 ¼ X 4 (Stovepiper Books, PO Box Gibson, and lots of people with and it was full of quotes from peo- ½, photocopied, 40 ppgs. 370895, Reseda, CA 91337-0895) huge egos clawing for their glory ple who had been in the scene in What would be an eloquent and lit- days. It’s OK, but there seems to be the late seventies/early eighties, erate homage to a fantastic band, UPRISING! #9, $1 ppd., a Rumpelstiltskin-esque musical and a bunch of the quotes were Lifter Puller, becomes a eulogy. 8 ½ X 11, offset newsprint, 31 pgs. chasm for Punk from 1977 to 2001; about how great the past was and The band broke up right after this This is a pretty cool punk rock zine almost like nothing of note hap- how everything sucks now. It was little zine came out, and after read- from Michigan. It has interviews pened musically besides what their starting to get on my nerves. Then, ing it through, it made me all the with River City High, PT'S contributors were involved with. - I came across Al Quint's passage more happy that I’d seen Lifter Revenge, and Shift-D; a column Todd (Punk, PMB 675, 200 E. 10th about how punk rock was great Puller live a couple weeks prior to about the Warped Tour that I St., NY, NY 10003; then and it's great now and that's their demise (to verify that the true enjoyed until I got to the end notes ) why he continues to put out verve of the band that Mike writes and the author said, "No one should Suburban Voice after sixteen years. about wasn’t just the well-written go through the day without listen- QECE #12, $3 ppd., 5 ½ X 8 ½, That quote reminded me of what I musings of a publicist-to-be). What ing to at least one song by copied, 55 pgs., already knew: Al Quint rocks. This separates Tilted from most of the Morrissey or The Smiths"; an inter- QECE - Question Everything, issue of Suburban Voice is no herd of its collated and stapled esting Maui scene report; and tons Challenge Everything - is a politi- exception. It has one of the most brethren is the ease and fluidity of of record reviews. Best of all, cal zine from Pennsylvania. The in-depth and hilarious interviews the writing without collapsing into though, was the book review in the first half of this issue discusses ani- with Dillinger Four that I've ever simple cheerleading nor chastising back, because they reviewed the mal cruelty, the death penalty, and read. He also interviews heavy hit- the reader for never having heard book I wrote and said really nice a history of milk. The second half ters like Cocksparrer and Hot of the band. Enthusiasm, well writ- things about it. Rob G, the guy who has four different perspectives on Water Music, as well as F-Minus, ten. Mike also has a knack of puts Uprising! together, is very the Unity 2000 protests in Kill the Man Who Questions, the weaving narrative, interview, positive and downright gung-ho Philadelphia this past summer. Varukers, the Nerve Agents, and a observation, and correspondence about music, and his attitude is What sets QECE apart from most few more. There's a cool article on into a seamless whole. His style is contagious. I like this zine. You can other political zines, though, is its the Clash, some decent columns, staccato and rhythmic; rapid bursts also check out extended Uprising! ability to discuss issues intelligent- and tons of reviews (I should add followed by explanation: “LFTR punk rock enthusiasm at ly without taking on that all-too- that Quint does my favorite kind of PLLR is Literature. It is raw emo- . -Sean familiar know-it-all tone. The writ- record reviews: ones that I agree tion of mystery and suspense, true Carswell (Uprising!, PO Box 2251, ers seem to be undergoing a with). All in all, it's a hell of a good orbiting paranoia, a comedy of Monroe, MI 48161) process of discovery rather than read. It comes with a compilation errors, the new world as viewed coming off as ill-informed authori- CD, too, with Toxic Narcotic, A and aurally construed by the ties, and I appreciate that. And Poor Excuse, Broken, Aus Rotten, newest. LFTR PLLR is cruising the 77 again, his talks are released in a three Joe Leiberman and his extremely con- shipyards and warehouses. And when CD set. “Become the Media” starts off servative record (including time spent he speaks about history, he does so with a campaign speech Biafra gave in on the “700 Club”). It ends with kind from the perspective of a well-respect- response to his presidential nomina- of a rallying cry against mainstream ed scholar who has spent most of his tion by the Green Party. It’s interest- entertainment and media. Basically, life studying history. What’s most ing in the sense that I agree with most “Become the Media” is kind of a crash striking to me is that, despite his ten- of his points (which is very rare in the course in leftist or radical politics. dency to return most conversations case of a political speech) and in the Biafra is admirably thorough in his back to how unjust war is or back to sense that he actually endorses Nader research, and even when he’s not, his the inequities of wealth, every time I as he (Biafra) accepts the nomination. irreverence is enough to keep me lis- read (or listen to) Howard Zinn, I learn The only bad thing is that it sounds tening. At times, he’s almost a cheer- something new. “Stories Hollywood like a speech. Biafra sounds like he’s leader for his beliefs. At other times, Never Tells” keeps up that trend. This reading off a teleprompter, and if I he takes himself less seriously and it’s CD was recorded during a lecture Zinn wanted a presidential candidate who more enjoyable to share his beliefs. So gave at the Taos Talking Film Festival. reads off a teleprompter, well, I don’t there are some really good parts to this Zinn begins by speaking of Hollywood want a presidential candidate who and some kind of weak or redundant movies that glorify war, like “Saving reads off a teleprompter. Then he goes parts, but all in all, I’m a Jello sup- Private Ryan.” but then he expands his on to outline the problems with the porter. Fuck it, at least he’s one of focus to cover the Mexican War, the WTO. It’s pretty one-sided, but that ours. Hell, maybe he’ll even become Phillipino War, Mother Jones, the doesn’t bother me because I can’t con- the next Ralph Nader. Remember you Ludlow Massacre, and the New ceive of the other side making a solid heard that here, first. -Sean Carswell England textile strikes. It’s a dazzling argument for reintroducing DDT on (Alternative Tentacles, PO Box tour through not only films that are our vegetables, dolphin in our tuna, 419092, SF, CA 94141) rarely made (I won’t say never and increased monoxide in our air. because John Sayles made BECOME THE MEDIA But that’s just me. What do I know STORIES HOLLYWOOD NEVER “Matewan,” which is a great movie Jello Biafra, Audio Book anyway? Biafra does a good job intro- TELLS about the Wobblies helping miners in What I like about Jello Biafra is that ducing the problems that the WTO Howard Zinn, Audio Book West Virginia form a union), but also he’s punk rock’s own well-respected represents, though. Then he goes on to Howard Zinn strikes me as an amazing through events in history that public intellectual. He tours college campus- give a hilarious, sardonic examination writer, historian, and intellectual for schools gloss over or ignore complete- es and gets paid (probably pretty well) of school shootings and overall prob- several reasons. He delivers very ly. If you’ve never heard of Howard to just talk about whatever’s on his lems with education and suburbs in complex information with a conversa- Zinn and are maybe a little intimidated mind or whatever he’s been reading “Hellburbia.” The second disc takes on tional tone, and he maintains a sense of by the terms that float around him like lately, and people outside of punk rock computer technology in “Hack the humor when speaking of things that “radical historian” or “intellectual,” respect what he has to say. And the Planet,” then discusses the World normally inspire outrage. When he this CD is a warm, non-threatening cool thing is that he’s got no real cre- Bank and IMF. Again, one-sided, but speaks of war, he speaks of it from the introduction to Zinn’s scholarship, his dentials except that he was once in a again, I have trouble finding a rational perspective of both a veteran of war subtle sarcasm, and his point of view. punk band. When you really think argument that explains why thrusting and a veteran of anti-war movements. If you’ve read everything Howard about it and realize that Biafra went half the globe into suffocating poverty When he speaks of the working class, Zinn has ever written, you’ll probably from “Too Drunk to Fuck” to the is a good thing. The last disc discuss- he does it from the perspective of a still find something new and interest- national lecture circuit, you have to es genetically engineered food, the man who grew up in cold-water flats ing in this CD. -Sean Carswell admit it’s pretty cool. And, once Republican National Convention, and in Brooklyn, then went on to work in (Alternative Tentacles)