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No. 115 Dec. A '67 n$$i m We don't try very hard! FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD! IT'S ANOTHER MAD PAPERBACK BOOK! Yep ... the cool cats at MAD have scratched around and come up with another cat-astrophe — mainly, a collection of no-pussy-footing- around articles, purr-ceptive observations, clawing criticisms and biting satires — all designed to fill our kitty and make you ... HOWLING MAD ON SALE AT YOUR FAVORITE ROOKSTAND — OR YOURS RY MAIL use coupon or duplicate NAME. A ADDRESS. 485 MADison Avenue CITY. New York, N.Y. 10022 STATE. Zip-Code. ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY! PLEASE SEND ME: ALSO PLEASE SEND ME THE BOOKS CHECKED BELOW: • The MAD Reader • Fighting MAD • Boiling MAD • MAD Strikes Back • The MAD Frontier • The Questionable MAD HOWLING • Inside MAD • MAD in Orbit • DON MARTIN Steps Out MAD • Utterly MAD • The Voodoo MAO • DON MARTIN Bounces Back • The Brothers MAD • Greasy MAD Stuff • DON MARTIN Drops 13 Stories • The Bedside MAD • Three Ring MAD • DAVE BERG Looks At The U.S.A. • • Son of MAD Li Self-Made MAD • DAVE BERG Looks At People I ENCLOSE 50c • The Organization MAD • The MAD Sampler • The All-New SPY vs. SPY • Like MAD D It's a World, World, etc. MAD • A MAD Look at Old Movies We cannot be responsible for cash D The Ides of MAD • Raving MAD • MAD's Captain Klutz lost or stolen In the Mails. Check or Money Order preferredl On orders outside the U.S.A. be I ENCLOSE 50c FOR EACH sure to add 10% extra. Allow at least six weeks for delivery. Plus 25c Postage & Packaging on all orders under 82.OO NUMBER 115 DECEMBER 1967 .— —-. "Good manners are what one man shows to another man's wife!" —Alfred E. Neuman WILLIAM M. GAINES publisher ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN, editor JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production JERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors JACK ALBERT lawsuits GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, JOAN ZECCA, CURTIS ANDERSON subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS the usual gang of idiots DEPARTMENTS BEHIND THE ODD-BALL DEPARTMENT More "MAD's Believe It Or Nuts'! 48 BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side Of Young Marrieds 36 CAR SICK DEPARTMENT "Grim Pix"-A MAD Movie Satire 42 DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT In A Supermarket 13 FLOWERY LANGUAGE DEPARTMENT A Portfolio Of MAD Blooming Idiocyncracies 28 GLOSSARY PRINTS DEPARTMENT MAD's Pictorial Political Dictionary 40 LABOR OF LOVE DEPARTMENT The Evolution Of Dating 19 LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail 2 MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT "Drawn-Out Dramas" by Aragones ** PHRASING A COIN DEPARTMENT MAD Mintlies 18 PINS AND NEEDLES DEPARTMENT Protest Buttons Through History 26 POLL-BEARERS DEPARTMENT TV Coverage Of An Off-Year Election 15 RAPPING THE GIFTED DEPARTMENT "Prodigy Magazine" 31 "2" AGAINST "1" DEPARTMENT When The Hertz-Avis Rivalry Gets Out Of Hand 9 WASTE OF SPACE DEPARTMENT "Star Blecch"-A MAD TV Satire 4 ""Various Places Around The Magazine MAD —Dec. 1967 Vol. 1, Number 11 5, is published monthly except February, May, August and November, by E. C. Publications, Inc., 485 MADison Avenue, New York, N. Y. 10022. Second Class Postage paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions: In the U.S.A., 19 issues $5.00. Outside U.S.A., 19 issues $6.25. Allow 10 weeks tor change of address to become effective. Entire contents copyright 6 1967 by E. C. Publica tions, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all manuscripts be accompanied by a stamped self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric purpose to a living LETTERS DEPT. AMERICA, THE BEAUTIFUL-REVISITED (Here We Go Again!) I think your "America, the Beautiful- One of the most poignant photo-essays Revisited" was your best article ever. You I have ever seen. "A Hymn To Disgrace" have said things about water pollution, was an accurate classification of this ar slums, etc. before, but never as effective ticle, for it presented realistically some of as this. the incongruities of America, and some Andrew Bergstein of the atrocities Americans commit Mecersberg, Pa. against themselves and their fellow citi zens. At a time when apathy increases with each injustice, it is important that THROW-UP "America, the Beautiful — Revisited" Americans be shaken from their lethargy by articles such as this. Bravo! Your satire, "Throw-Up" was was one of the best satires ever published great, to say nothing of being true. As in MAD. Never have I laughed so hard. Joel M. Lee one of the unfortunates who wasted a I think it's wonderful that we can face San Antonio, Texas small fortune and two hours on it, I can up to our faults. My congratulations. only say I should have waited till MAD Edward Endicott Danville, California "A Hymn To Disgrace" certainly printed its version. I got more out of it. labeled the article correctly. It was def D. Eshleman initely a hymn to disgrace on your part! Lancaster, Pa. It was not only sick humor in bad taste, In your usual masterful and brilliant but it also presented a tight-sighted look Your satire of "Blow-Up" was terrible. manner, with graphic clarity, you have at America. Why not try knocking some This was a truly great movie, and you demonstrated once again that somewhere thing else instead of this great country should never have attempted to degrade along the line, we have forgotten the we are all privileged to live in. it. lofty ideals set forth for us by our fore Dolores Jean Randazzo X fathers. Congratulations on a superb Dan Silver Moodus, Connecticut Los Angeles, California masterpiece. Mitchell Moore "Throw-Up" captured every nauseating Alliance, Ohio I object to "America, the Beautiful- meaningless detail of the original movie, Revisited" and to other such "satires" that A and made me wonder why I hadn't done I've seen in MAD. While we cannot pre / just that... throw up! It disgusted me to read your satire of tend that certain deplorable situations do Rubette Cowan "America, the Beautiful—Revisited." You not exist in the United States, your point Bronx, N.Y. must be pretty hard up for ideas to stoop ing them out in blunt and painful sar so low as to ridicule a beautiful song and casm tinged with half-truths is of dubious FINALLY FED UP some of our depressed areas. Your con constructive value and, needless to say, in cept of combining the two was grotesque. no way laughable. I'm finally fed up with letters from Mrs. D. S. Murano Andy Rangell people who condemn MAD for satirizing Azusa, California Denver, Colorado a favorite TV show or a favorite movie. These people obviously are not reading your fine magazine with the correct at "America, the Beautiful — Revisited" Too many of us tend to forget or close titude. I, myself, have laughed many times belongs in the trash heap! You guys our eyes to scenes such as you portrayed, at satires of what I believed to be great don't appreciate your own country, do and see only the beauty that abounds in \shows. The more I enjoyed the show, the you! our country. Thank you for reminding more 1 enjoyed MAD's satire of it. I'm us. sure that most MAD readers agree with Bart Bradberry Athens, Ga. Greg Mahler me. Those who see MAD as only a col Glendale, California lection of vicious, mud-slinging articles are certainly reading the wrong magazine. Henry Vorus The pictorial "America, the Beautiful- Please stick to humor in your future Atlanta, Ga. Revisited" was an excellent expression of issues. "America, the Beautiful — Re a lamentable point of view. Perhaps these visited" was a humorless poke at our great VIETNAM NEWSPAPER STORY few new lyric lines will sum up the situ nation. Your "Do-It-Yourself Vietnam News ation: R. Travis Barness II paper Story" was so disgustingly true that O literal, unto each word, De Leon, Texas it was unfortunately funny. My congratu Thy meager brain doth seem. lations on a clever, beautiful article. Hast thou no broad, impassioned scope, Randi Solomon No visionary dream? "America, the Beautiful—Revisited" de Flushing, New York livers a message that will make people MAD Editor, MAD Editor, think about the need for beautification Can thou not understand? more than any speech by any politician In order to read your article in every The song's beauty is an ideal (or his wife) ever will. possible way, one would be forced to For our imperfect land. W. William Jones wade through it 479,001,600 times. Aileen Kirk McKeesport, Pa. Other than that, it was one of the best Wheeling, West Va. articles I've ever read. Norma Pincus Brookline, Mass. IMMORTALIZED IN MAD EVERYDAY GUTS Regarding your "Do-It-Yourself Viet At last! My fondest wish has been In "Everyday Guts Magazine" you nam Newspaper Story," I have found that realized. I have been immortalized in failed to include the most terrifying ex I could write a total of 8,916,099,247,256 MAD Magazine, thanks to Mort Drucker perience of all—namely "I Fought Nausea different news stories about the war in and Dick DeBartolo and MAD's satire of Through A Whole Issue Of MAD Mag Vietnam. "The Iron Horse" in which I appear. azine." Fred Ware Roger Torrey Brian Richardson Omaha, Nebraska Van Nuys, California Park Ridge, 111. "MOTHER GOOSE" BY FAMOUS POETS FOR JUST "If Famous Poets Had Written 'Mother A LITTLE Goose'" was one of the most brilliant pieces I have ever read in your magazine.