Leftlion Magazine Issue 32 Contents December 2009 - January 2010 Editorial Ducks and Youths

ISSUE 32 DEC 2009-JAN 2010

HUN � KS E � E SAT�BAINS SCORZAYZEE O R F johnny�vegas F NOTTINGHAM N EVENTS�LISTINGS O AND�NEW R T FOOD�REVIEWS A T D IN SECTION N GH LE AM�CA

WINNER, WRITING & UBLISHING AWARD 2009 P ADVERT

24 leftlion.co.uk/issue32 LeftLion Magazine Issue 32 contents December 2009 - January 2010 editorial Ducks and youths,

Well. That was a right batchy decade, wan’t it? If someone had told me in 1999 that I’d see planes crashing into skyscrapers live on the telly, Forest in Division Three, Saddam Hussein dangling off a noose, trams back in town, a massive war, the manager of England taking a job at Notts County, the bent election of an American moron, and my dear home town being seen as the most violent, deprived, horrible city in the world, I’d have said; “Yeah, worrever, duck - got any Lottery results, then?’

Anyway, like every other mag (apart from the nudey ones), we’re devoting a hefty chunk of this issue to take a look back at the noughties - a distinctly Nottular take encrusted with the downright proper artwork of LeftLion fave Rob White. Don’t expect any rammell about global 10 11 warming or Jade Goody, however – we only bother with 07 the crucial issues of the day, such as Emo-baiting, people being unable to pull their trousers up, and – after years of trying to pin him down - a very special interview with the May Contain Notts The Noughty Notts Write Lion one and only Slanty N. 04 The news diary that goes around 11 Your complete-ish guide to the last 26 ‘Nuff book reviews this ish, The thinking it’s summat decade in the City of Snot, with a Colour of Blood, Cello & Other Stories, It’s not all reminiscing, though; there’s summat for cast of thousands Staple 71: The Art Issue, Aztec Love everyone in this issue, whether you like your snap Song, No Way to Say Goodbye and The (we’ve got a brand-new food section near the back, as LeftEyeOn Girlfriend Experience 05 A 10p mix of eye-duddoos from our The Hunks of Nottingham well as a natter with Sat Bains), your tunes (courtesy of squadron of snappers 15 Ladies: Christmas comes early with the indomitable Scorzayzee), or your culture (courtesy twelve whole months of prime East Music Reviews of everything else in the mag). Plus, if you’re the kind Midlands beefcake 27 Captain Dangerous, EmceeKilla, Felix, of person who constantly thinks to yourself ‘Hey, I have 07 The Lenton Boulevardier Red Shoe Diaries, Royal Gala, The endless sexual fantasies about the massive goose on the Sat Bains gets the chip pan on for us Death Notes and more traffic island and the Gordon Scott Monkey – when is Artist Profiles LeftLion going to cater to my needs?’ then stop whittling; 18 Introducing White Rabbit Studios the one and only Rikki Marr has done us a special erotic A Canadian In New Basford Noshingham calendar, thick with the masculine musk of Nottingham. 08 Rob’s seasonal decade-long 28 Sink your tegs into our brand-new food message Viva Johnny Vegas page Without going all Xmas-lettery on you (we’ll leave that 20 The Monkey King returns to Notts job to our very own pet Canadian, Rob Cutforth), 2009 has been dead kind to LeftLion. Not only did we pull off Put Le Donk On It Notts Trumps 10 a blinding all-dayer across the whole of Canning Circus, Nottingham’s most flammable Event Listings 30 Plus The Arthole, LeftLion Abroad and 21 but we also won the Writing and Publishing gong at the lyricist is back Looking for an excuse to avoid your Rocky Horrorscopes minging work Xmas party? Get-out Nottingham Creative Business awards last month, which clauses aplenty here has made our Mams right praahd on us. On behalf of everyone here at the ‘Lion, I’d like to thank everyone who has ever put themselves out for our mag, website and events, all the advertisers who have kept us going for six years, and all our readers. And my stylist. And lovely Nottingham God. Word to your Nana. Al Needham credits [email protected] Editor in Chief Photography Editor Podcast crew Jared Wilson ([email protected]) Dominic Henry ([email protected]) Paul Abbott Poddingham Timmy Bates LeftLion’s podcast of plenty Editor Theatre Editor Rosa Brough Poddingham is a monthly mix of tunes Al Needham ([email protected]) Adrian Bhagat ([email protected]) Will Forrest and chat from musicians, artists, Jon Hall writers - everyone creative. It’s hosted Technical Director Contributors Dan Hardy by Paul, who’s dabbled in sculpting, Alan Gilby ([email protected]) Andy Afford Christopher Hough video production and was the in-house Rob Cutforth Stuart Rogers DJ at the old Virgin Megastore, as well Sub-Editors Bod Fonda Oli Ward as a community radio veteran. He’s Alison Emm ([email protected]) Duncan Heath Jim Wheatley currently extremely overexcited at the Charlotte Kingsbury ([email protected]) Beane Noodler awesome musical and artistic vitality of Notts. Nathan Miller ([email protected]) Aly Stoneman LeftLion.co.uk received over ten million leftlion.co.uk/podcasts Nik Storey page views during the last year. This Art Director Jack Tunnecliff magazine has an estimated readership of David Blenkey ([email protected]) Lauren Walker 40,000 people and is distributed to over Alison Emm Bianca Winter 300 venues across the city of Nottingham. LeftLion’s Guardian Angel Marketing and Sales Manager If your venue isn’t one of them, please If it wasn’t for Ali, you would Ben Hacking ([email protected]) Illustrators contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email probably be reading a beer Ash Dilks [email protected]. mat instead of Nottingham’s Art Editor Rikki Marr skillest publication right Frances Ashton ([email protected]) Rob White This magazine is printed on paper about now. What does she sourced from sustainable forests. Our do? Everything – from keep- Literature Editor Photographers printers are ISO 14001 certified by the ing an eye on the accounts James Walker ([email protected]) David Baird British Accreditation Bureau for their to an endless string of film Geoff Curtis environmental management system. reviews, helping out on the Music Editor Jonathan Hart crappier jobs and creating Paul Klotschkow ([email protected]) Chris J.H. a massive Slanty N to spitting on a hanky and wiping Christine Preedy our chatty faces when necessary. She’s also a dab hand Lewis Stainer at making things, including a range of charming stuffed Bob Watt elephants that are available for sale in Kathleen and Lily’s on Mansfield Road for a mere fifteen pounds – the perfect Want to advertise in our pages? Email [email protected] Xmas gift for those who like elephants, but don’t have the or phone Ben on 07984 275453 or visit leftlion.co.uk/advertise house room for a proper one. www.leftlion.co.uk/issue31 3 MAY CONTAIN with Nottingham’s The forgotten areas of Nottingham ‘Mr. Sex’, Al Needham Everybody knows where St Anns, Radford, Meadows, Sherwood and Basford are. But there NOTTS are some places which don’t seem to be officially recognised. I’ve been compiling a list of these: October 2009 - November 2009 Whitemoor, Killisick, Lenton Abbey, Balloon Wood. Stillman

I have only ever been to Silverdale once, and that was only recently. Where the hell has that place been hiding? christmasatthezoo

There’s a little row of shops on Mansfield Road and every one has the name of the area it thinks it’s in as part of the name. None of them agree on what the area is, though: Woodthorpe Tandoori, Sherwood Dental Laboratory and Arnold something-or-other. cheque

Not forgotten but confusingly defined are Carrington, Mapperley/ Mapperley Park/ Mapperley Top and Forest Fields/Hyson Green. 21 September 20 October Nutty Sis Libertys, the very cradle of binge-drink Britain you’ll recall, – A 17 year-old mongling from Beeston and his Dad get done for turns itself into a massive Flaming Lamborghini. Some say it nicking the stereo from the house of the former’s girlfriend, after The Mapperley thing isn’t confusing at all. was burned down: I prefer to the use the term ‘purified’. they had a row. Dad was also caught brandishing an iron bar and a Mapperley Park is all the big houses, trees, speed drill bit. What kind of wussery is this? “Dad! Dad! Sharon’s split up bumps and vol-au-vents. Mapperley Top is on top 23 September wi’ meh! Beat ‘er Dad up and nick us summat, Dad! Pleeeeeeeease!” of a hill and Mapperley is like God’s own halfpipe. Sol Campbell plays one game for Notts County before But hold on... Where the eff is Thorneywood? bailing. From now on, the measurement of an hour and a half in 21 October myhouse-yourhouse Nottingham shall now always be referred to as ‘Sol’s Career at Jongleurs, the place where assorted stand-up comedians who County’. “The train to Loughborough is now delayed by Sol’s want to be doing beer adverts instead say the same thing to Thorneywood is arguably those that don’t want Career at County”. “See you in the pub in Sol’s Career at County”. different groups of students and people trapped in the nightmare to call themselves St Anns. Basically at the top of “I’m not coming in today, boss - I’ve been on the bog for Sol’s of team-building work dos who couldn’t get booked into the Donkey Hill and over between Porchester Road and Career at County” bowling alley for a Hawaiian Night, shuts down. Carlton Hill - including the Marmian road estate. Timmy 24 September 28 October Conservative government? And every 90 minutes, the clock in Viccy Centre will spark Game City – the annual event where the Square turns itself into a into life, and the figure of an ex-England player will come out, massive spod’s living room, minus the Star Wars figures (and plus I seriously cannot hack the idea of seeing dragging a suitcase of money behind him. girls) – culminates with the announcement that renowned games Cameron’s smug, privileged face oozing out of designer Keita Takahashi is going to create a huge and possibly every newspaper and TV screen the morning after 30 September quite mental playground in Woodthorpe Park. This will be the the victory. Goose Fair. Fashionable bit of mank of the year: Kanye West first videogames/public architecture project in Nottingham since Haych glasses with flashing lights, which makes the wearer experience the mid-70s, when the redevelopment of the Meadows was based the sensation of being an epileptic Dalek the morning after a crack exactly on the layout of Pac-Man. I know people are saying it’s a certainty, but it’s binge - yours for £3. Price of peas: up to £1.50. not over ‘til its over. 5 November Samyouwell 3 October It’s Bonfire Night on the Forest. Negligent mothers with prams. The inaugural LeftLion Circus Extravaganza festival; bands, Assorted screw-faced young offenders. Dickheads who think that I think it’s almost certainly going to be a very solid writers, artists and zombies danced in the street to Thriller. Yeah, being wedged in a massive crowd is the perfect spot to wave Tory win, through weakness of and indifference to I know you can see the last element in Re-Flex every Saturday sparklers about. All watching our Council Tax money going; the opposition as much as anything else. night, but with less violence. “WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!” and “KRRRRRSSSSHHHH!” But bleddy transmetropolitan hell fire, Council – did we really need to have another fair on the 15 October Forest about five minutes after Goosey? Is there a department in Hey kids don’t worry, nice cuddly Uncle David is The English Defence League: sounds like a load of role-players the Council House that looks for opportunities to lob pirate ships going to tell us all how he’s going to mend Broken who lob handfuls of 48-sided dice and say things like “Plus four, onto the Forest? “Caribbean Carnival…put the fair on…Under 12s Britain. That’s after he has thought a bit more with my Cloak of Friendlessness”, don’t they? Actually, they’re football match…put the fair on…there’s a bloke walking his dog on about taking people’s benefits off them. the danglings of clag from the very arsehole of humanity who Tuesday morning! Quick! PUT THE FAIR ON!” Sparrow announce plans to defend England in the Old Market Square on 5 December. At the same time as a gathering of people who will be 12 November It defies belief to me that anyone who lived through making wanker signs at them, the Forest-Leicester match, a march Viccy Centre has its own Gold-for-Cash stall. It’s mint. You get the Thatcher and Major years (unless they are by some soldiers back from Afghanistan, a German Market, and to see people who spent £750 on rope chains with crucifixes that extremely rich) could dream of voting Tory. a bleddy massive outdoor ice rink. All we need now is a herd of would make Run-DMC say “Ooh, no actually – bit too gaudy for Rob Sohostrut rampaging circus animals, and a great day out is assured. me” find out that it’s only worth fifty quid. It’s like every classic incident in The Antiques Roadshow, right in front of your face. Yeah, I’m probably gonna emigrate. 16 October Cookpassbabtridge The weigh-in for the Carl Froch vs Andre Dirrell fight occurs in 20 November the Market Square, witnessed by sportsmanlike locals who take Gordon Brown and his cabinet come to Notts – ostensibly for a the opportunity to boo and chelp at Americans. Then a boxer on massive cabinet meeting in Albert Hall, but let’s not be fooled: the undercard from Derby rolls up and is subjected to the kind they were obviously on a big stag do. I have it on good authority of abuse Roland Browning took from Gripper Stebson during the that Gordon Brown was seen putting himself about in a French imperial phase of Grange Hill. Fact: if the only person who could Maid outfit in Yates, Harriet Harman vomited into her pink cowboy save us from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse came from hat when she was refused entry to Flares and Jack Straw was Derby, people in Notts would stand on their rooftops and bellow; spotted staggering up Mansfield Road at 3am asking if anyone “KILL ‘IM! RUN ‘IM OVVER WI’ YER OSSES!” had any ciggies ‘for a draw’.

The Big Fist The official greeting of A Steak Bake from the 24- the noughties, the Big Fist’s hour Greggs origins lie with black soldiers We were promised hoverboots, in Vietnam – but it was quickly spangly all-in-one catsuits and adopted by males of all races three-course meals in a pill this who were terrified at the thought decade, but something even of actually holding another man’s better happened; the opportunity hand, as if they wanted to have to buy three Steak Bakes and a bumhole love with them. A de cake in the shape of a cat’s head facto projection of masculinity at 3am, from a shop protected by and strength, the Big Fist slightly bouncers, as if it were the only let itself down when more then baker’s shop in Mad Max. Only two people were involved; it three cities in the country can deliver this sort of quality dining experience. None of looked like three coke dealers them are Derby or Leicester. Ha! from St Anns were playing One- Potato Two-Potato Three-Potato Four outside a kebab shop on 4 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 Mansfield Road. LeftEyeOn leftlion.co.uk/lefteyeon What’s been going off round Notts recently, according to our local camera talent...

Captions - left to right from the top

Them and Us 1000 climate protestors descended upon the local coal power station at Ratcliffe-on-Soar between 17-19 October. Scuffles with police resulted in 56 arrests and numerous injuries as they attempted to force entrance. (Lewis Stainer / Flickr: lewisphotography86)

The Specials The two-tone legends filled Rock City with tear-struck middle-aged rudeys who had waited 30 years to see them in town on 21-22 November, producing the undisputed gigs of the year in Nottingham. (David Baird)

Jack Straw The Justice Secretary meets Ste Allan of Dealmaker Records outside the Albert Hall, during the cabinet’s regional away- day on 20 November 20. (Chris J.H.)

Critical Beatdown Live zombie percussion outside Shop as part of the LeftLion Circus Extravaganza, held across Canning Circus venues on 3 October. (Dom Henry / Flickr: domhenry)

In loving memory of my Dad www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 5 Nottingham remembers the fallen on Remembrance Sunday at the City War Memorial, down on the Victoria Embankment. (Geoff Curtis / Flickr: n55ffc)

He may be flat, but he’s a hero!

Stanley Lambchop was a normal healthy boy until a notice Suitable for ages 3+ and their families board fell on him! Now he’s only half an inch thick... Based on the story by Jeff Brown Join Stanley and his brother on their adventures at Christmas time! Adapted for the stage by Mike Kenny

27 NOVEMBER - 3 JANUARY LAKESIDE ARTS CENTRE ALL TICKETS £7 BOX OFFICE 0115 846 7777 INFORMATION WWW.LAKESIDEARTS.ORG.UK Words: Al Needham Photos: Dominic Henry The Lenton Boulevardier

Sat Bains holds the only Michelin star in Notts and has been described as the most wildly inventive chef to emerge from Britain since Heston Blumenthal. He drags in gourmets from all over the country to a shed in Lenton to sample his extraordinarily British take on Modern French cuisine. He may also be coming to the Lace Market soon…

Nice place you’ve got here, Sat. Tell us about it… macaroni cheese. If it’s done well, it’s incredible. That’s what One of the general perceptions about chefs is that they’re Well, it’s in a very obscure location under a flyover and a pylon. I love about food; it doesn’t matter what level it’s cooked at, horrible bastards to their staff. Is that a cliché? I love it. Years ago when I was working at Jesse’s restaurant, whether it’s Michelin star or no Michelin star - if it’s cooked well Ask ‘em, they’re all here… which used to be the original Jesse Boots in Hockley, I said to then it’s delicious. the owner that I’d love to be the first Nottingham chef to have a Is he a bastard to you, mate? Michelin star restaurant - and I’d like it to be in a shed, so that it You’re one of the pricier restaurants in Notts. What makes Chef: No, he isn’t. would be the food that drove everyone there. I’ve not done half your place better than, say, somewhere that charges twenty Sat: Ha! You’re after more money, you are! I’m not paying you any bad, I think. Because it’s an obscure location, it allows me to be a quid a head? more! Nah, it’s a cliché - if you were, you wouldn’t have any staff. little bit more creative with the food; if I was in the city it would Ingredients. We buy some of the most expensive ingredients in have to be a bit more mainstream. Britain; we pay top dollar. Our venison will cost anything from What role does your wife play in the running of the business? £20 per kilo, because it’s the best. Our fish will cost anything She’s the gaffer, I’d be stupid not to say that. She looks after the How long have you lived in Notts? from £16 per kilo, because it’s the best. Hopefully the customer whole thing; she’s the GM, she’s the director, she looks after the I’m originally from Derby. Being from the East Midlands is will appreciate that. They’re also paying for skilled man-hours. whole of the front of house staff. She oversees everything front something I’m very proud of. Nottingham’s my home now, my We are giving you something elevated - there’s nothing wrong of house, I oversee everything back of house. She allows me to wife is from here. This region is very rich with cuisine, the whole with simple food that’s done really well, but the skill level keep the eye on the ball and focus on what I’m best at. middle of the country is. I’ve worked for a small amount of time elsewhere is lower. I’ve got seven chefs in here producing some in London, a little bit in France - but I was always going to of the finest food in Britain. Future plans? come back. Well, we’re looking at a site in town to do something really, really “I never wanted a restaurant in a big city exciting. It’s going to be nice and relaxed and accessible to a lot Why? of people. The food in here is very high-end and special occasion, I never wanted a restaurant in a big city like London. I always like London. I always wanted a locality and we want to take that to a larger audience. Because I love wanted a locality that had a bit of heritage and was rich with that had a bit of heritage and was rich food, I don’t think there should have to be a hierarchy. You should culture but also where my food will excite people and make them cook with a bit of love, a bit of skill and technique - on a par with travel. I go to London quite a lot to eat and it’s some of the most with culture but also where my food will the best things you’ve ever tasted. I like the Lace Market, it’s a boring food in the country because it’s easy - everyone’s on your excite people and make them travel” nice area with a lot of footfall. We’d fit in well there. doorstep, so you haven’t got to try. We have to try here, every single week, to get people to come down that lane. If you could make punters change one thing to improve the We’ve seen a lot of very good restaurants in Notts go to the quality of the food they eat, what would it be? You’ve done quite a bit of TV work. Is that something you’re wall this year. Do you worry about the recession? Source your ingredients better. The less food miles ingredients keen to do more of? Oh, you’ve got to worry. It’s the only recession I’ve ever had a have done, the fresher it is; you will actually taste the difference. I did The Great British Menu and gained massive exposure but I business in, so I’m obviously concerned – but it makes you a You don’t have to go to great lengths, the Farmer’s Market is in never really wanted a TV career. This is what I do (chops goose little bit more aggressive in your business model. I think the key the Square every two weeks and it’s a great way to get some in half). I’m a chef. The other TV chefs are earning a living and to survival is offering a bit more of yourself to your guests; you really good butter, meat and fish that you wouldn’t get in the I can’t really knock them - that’s their choice and you’ve got to raise your customer service skills because they want to remem- supermarkets - proper old school shopping. respect them. ber the experience even more. You’re on Death Row, and can request a last meal. What is it? Everyone’s into locally-sourced produce these days. What’s Do you think Nottingham has too many restaurants? I love my Mum’s samosas. A dozen samosas and a pint of milk. your policy? No. There’s a good diverse range in town and with a lot of Brilliant. I’ve got about 175 suppliers for this restaurant and probably choice. I don’t like seeing restaurants close, put it that way - it about 160 of them are British. We use things that are very much depresses me, because you want Nottingham to be a vibrant city Restaurant Sat Bains with rooms is on Lenton Lane. in season - like our asparagus, which only has a six-week season and sustain itself. Even though there’s a recession on, people in restaurantsatbains.com in this country, rather than getting it from Peru or wherever. Nottingham are still supporting their restaurants There’s nothing worse than seeing strawberries in supermarkets Check out our new food reviews section on page 26 in winter, when we all know that English strawberries are What are your favourite nosheries in town? fantastic and incomparable to any in the rest of the world. I love Cumin on Maid Marian Way and Wagamamas - I went for a quick bowl of soup there the other week and felt absolutely What’s your favourite ingredient? invigorated. Takeaways? It depends... it could be Pizza Express I’ll be honest, I haven’t really got one. I love everything. It could or Midhuna, a really good Punjabi curry. I love MemSaab, I miss be a pilchard or it could be a lobster or a truffle or it could be my Mum’s cooking and it’s the closest I can get to it. www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 7 Our Rob looks back upon the entire decade with a special personal letter to everyone who reads LeftLion. And if he doesn’t get a card off you, Baby Jesus will cry...

Dearest Reader, sitting in front of his fire smoking his pipe If there is one while the Big Bad Wolf disemboweled his thing my wife If there is anything better than receiving foolish colonial brothers in their houses of and I are not, it’s those yearly family Christmas letters, then sticks and straw. In the four years we’ve traditionalists; I don’t know what it is. Why, who doesn’t owned the house, we’ve only had a few so, it was with want to hear about how Aunt Sally’s dog small problems. The fence blew down, a pipe this in mind that came through ass surgery, or how Uncle burst and flooded the front room, the boiler last Christmas Frank’s kidney stone issues have sorted crapped out, the sewage pipe broke and we suggested to themselves out, or especially how cousin backed up, the roof’s caving in and the walls her family that Jimmy just got a new job making twenty are as damp as Bruce Forsyth’s underpants. we forego the grand a year more than you do, even though grossly capitalist he was born the same year you finished Uni? Luckily, English contractors are so reliable Christmas and skilled! We only had serious problems tradition of Christmas letters are great. Aunt Sally with just over half of the ones we had to exchanging certainly isn’t writing to you to remind you deal with. You would’ve thought that the gifts. The festive how crappy your life is - she’s just keeping house issues would’ve been spotted by our season should you up to date on her family’s exciting and surveyor wouldn’t you? I’m sure he did his be about family, fruitful lives! I’ve certainly had an exciting best though, I mean, he only charged us a not frivolous and fruitful life, so I thought I would write grand for a whole afternoon’s work. Peanuts, and boringly you a decade’s worth of Christmas letters, really. We should be happy he showed up at bourgeois all in one. Aren’t I just the most thoughtful all. conventions person in the world? forced upon us by The latter part of the decade was even better society. Together Boy, what a decade it’s been! I married than the beginning. There were a few years we will stick it to myself a nice English girl, quit smoking, there when we were too stable. Our jobs The Man, yeah! bought my first house and I finally completed were secure, we ate out, we went to the pub It was totally the two college diplomas I’d been working and we made pension contributions. It bored not because we on for years. And that was just 2000! After a us to tears. Thankfully in 2008, we were were a couple few years of living in Canada, my wife and I both relieved of our mundane nine-to-fives of broke-asses. didn’t think our lives were thrilling enough, thanks to that silly old Credit Crunch. Even They, being so we decided to move to England. We were better for my wife, marketing was the last freethinking young, we didn’t have kids, England doesn’t thing any company wanted to pay for when non-conformists get cold winters and, gee whiz, won’t my they were laying people off, so she didn’t themselves, were friends think I am so cool and worldly when work for months. Not having any money only too happy I come back with an English accent? Pip pip, meant she could spend her ‘career break’ at to agree. And we Guv’nor! Chim chim cheroo! home watching daytime TV and eating as totally didn’t feel many bon-bons as she wanted. She wasn’t like a couple of are low. Buy low, sell high, right? Everyone We sold the house in Calgary and moved burdened by the problems most women dicks when we were the only ones to show knows that. With that in mind, I bought across the pond. Sure, there was a housing experience, like having to decide what shoes up giftless. stock in Lloyds TSB and RBS, ready to cash boom just after we sold, and Canadian to buy or where she should go for drinks in when they pull themselves out of trouble. money was worth as much as Aunt Sally’s on a Friday night. She couldn’t afford to do The best thing about the Noughties was The government owns them now, and surely dog’s ass-bandages than actual money - but anything. Her life was completely simplified probably the fact that I developed the three they won’t do anything to screw me over. Of hey ho, a little problem like that wasn’t going and stress-free. She totally didn’t feel like nerdiest health conditions a person could course, I’ve only just found out today that to stop two dynamos like us. We moved over a stir-crazed loser - in fact, she was an possibly acquire: Astigmatism, Carpal both banks are going to be broken up and anyway and bought a house with money absolute delight to be around. Tunnel syndrome and Plantar Fasciitis, sold off in pieces, so I can probably kiss that borrowed from the in-laws. Fortunately since which means I have to wear glasses, a wrist money goodbye, but that’s OK; it’s another then, there’s been a mortgage crisis and the I didn’t view my being made redundant as strap and special shoes. All I need now is valuable life lesson learned. price of our house has dropped to the point a setback either; it was an opportunity in some orthodontic headgear and eczema and where we are in negative equity. So really, disguise! I picked myself up, created my own I’ll have the full set. It’s good though, it’s like Here’s hoping the Terrific Tens are just as it’s like they never gave us any money at all! business, did a couple of contracts, shut the being back in high school again, which as exciting. business down, accepted more money from any regular reader of my column will tell you, Being a homeowner may be a big the in-laws and took on a part-time job. All was totally not a difficult time for me. Merry Christmas. responsibility, but this is an English semi- the extra spare time allowed me to write Rob xoxo detached home. It’s made of brick and a number of sitcoms and send them off to My wife eventually got another job and concrete! Not that flimsy vinyl, chipboard producers. None of the scripts were picked between us we started making enough Read more from Rob at canuckistani.com and fibreglass my condo back home was up, of course; in fact no-one got back to me money to do silly things like invest in the made of. English houses are the ones the at all, but it was a fun exercise nonetheless. stock market. I thought to myself, hey, this is third Little Pig would’ve built. He’d be the perfect time to invest while all the stocks

8 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32

words: Jared Wilson PutPut LeLe photos: Dominic Henry DonkDonk OnOn ItIt

Until a couple of months ago it seemed Scor-zay-zee - a fiery rapper with buckets of distain for the establishment - was destined to remain one of the best- kept musical secrets in Nottingham, with a swathe of tunes that instantly became UK underground hip-hop classics. But then he decided to quit rapping for four years - until Shane Meadows went and released a DVD featuring Scorz and Paddy Considine mucking around at an Arctic Monkeys gig. Now the whole world knows his name, he’s writing tunes again and he’s back to reclaim his spot as Nottingham’s primo rapper... Becoming a film star isn’t exactly the standard route How much of it was scripted? Are any older songs like Heroes Die or Great Britain going to be musicians take to get noticed…. There was no script at all. There was a plot outline from Shane, on there? No it isn’t. When I first got the part I didn’t think it would help because we were playing characters in his film, but he didn’t Probably not, I want to put out something completely new. But me musically in any way. But soon after we started filming my give us any written dialogue. Paddy just improvised and I you might hear some of those old tunes again still - I’m redoing role was made bigger, and they bought elements of my music bounced off him. So when I went up to the Arctic Monkeys and Great Britain with a band for a live session at Maida Vale for into it. It sparked off a load of ideas for new tunes and gave me asked them if I could plug my keyboard in on stage, I really Radio One. a push. At the end of it I was rapping in front of 50,000 people at didn’t know who they were – I’d heard their music, but I’d never Old Trafford. actually seen a picture of them. The whole film is like a set of Who’s been working on the album with you? destined accidents really. Nick Stez has produced every track and there aren’t any guests So how did you originally get the part? scheduled on there at all at the moment. I think I’d like to keep it The director of the first main feature film I did (Big Things Tell us about the acting you’d done before this film… that way and save the guest appearances for the second album by Mark Devenport) rang me up and told me that Shane was Well, I started out making films with Sarmad Masud, a friend and keep this one tight. I’m thinking about the follow-up already auditioning. So I went along and did an audition with Paddy, and who’d made some music videos for me back in the day and we as I have lots of ideas. they really liked it. I then ended up rapping to them as well and did a short film called The Night We Killed A Fox. Then I did they rang me back the next day and asked me if I wanted to go another couple of shorts with him and I was cast in Big Things. When we last interviewed you five years ago you’d decided to to Manchester to film the week after. At first I was just cast as It was from there I got the chance to audition for Shane. So yeah, give up rapping. What’s changed since then? a roommate for Le Donk, but because I could rap they thought it I need to big up Sam and Mark for giving me the opportunity to I think I just needed time to recuperate. You know when you do was a good idea to take me to the Arctic Monkeys gig and see kick it all off. something day-in day-out you just get sick of it? But then one what would happen. day, four and a half years later I was sitting in my bedroom and So, when can we expect your debut album to finally be I got the pen out and wrote a rap. I never stopped listening to How long ago was Le Donk and Scor-zay-zee actually filmed? released? hip-hop music, I always have it on the radio at home, but I just It was about two and a half years ago and was shot over just five Hopefully around Christmas or New Year. It’s called Peace To The needed time to become inspired again. days. We did four days in Manchester and then one day’s extra Puzzle and we’re just tweaking a few bits here and there. It’s filming. It was part of Shane’s five-day feature ethos, where he nearly finished, but we keep mucking around with bits of it. I’m What are your plans for acting in future? wanted to go back to his old guerrilla filmmaking days and do also still writing tunes which could make it on there if they’re Well, I’m going to try and get an agent as it would be nice to something almost totally improvised on a tiny budget. I think he better than the ones we’ve already recorded. have someone looking out there for me. I’d love to be in the just enjoys making films off the cuff and throwing himself into it. next The Sopranos or The Wire or something. That might sound Do you have a first single lined up? far-fetched, but so did the idea of doing a Shane Meadows film Two and a half years is a long time. Bet you were gagging for There’s a song on there called Love Me, which is about where when I first started. it to come out… I disappeared to for five years when I stopped rapping. It’s a Yeah. To be honest though, I forgot about it for a while and I hip-hop tune with a jazz feel to it. We sent it to some big radio Le Donk and Scor-zay-zee is out on DVD in shops now. You can only thought of it again when the press for it started about six stations and they liked what they heard and said they’d playlist also watch some of Scorz’s earlier films at leftlion.co.uk/video. months ago, with Shane and Paddy doing Jonathan Ross and me it, so we’re just waiting on the mastered version to come back. Peace To The Puzzle will be released in early 2010. doing Radio One. It was then I realised that the film was going to be bigger than first expected. myspace.com/scorzayzee

Telling other kids you’re related A bag of industrial-strength weed to Colin Gunn Once upon a time, marijuana made Back in the day, the ultimate you a bit giggly and up for doing bully deterrent at school was to mad stuff. Nowadays, thanks to the make up an imaginary brother industrious work of people in attics who was in the army and was with easy access to lampposts, its so rock that he was the only now green heroin for people who are white man to be accepted into interested in finding out what a brain the Gurkhas. This decade, the haemorrhage feels like and sitting there youths of North Notts claimed like an orangutan that’s been licking familial affiliation with a certain lead paint all day. Guess which city local businessman. At a rough produces the strongest weed in the UK, estimate, if half these claims with a THC over twice the strength of were actually true, Mr Gunn normal skunk? would have had approximately 9,364 siblings, all of which would 10 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 have produced thirteen offspring each. The oughty otts

Huge terrorist attacks in America. The biggest global recession since 1929. War in Afghanistan and Iraq. North Korea getting a mard-on. The downfall of Saddam Hussein. The return of Russia as a global power. The golden age of the Internet. The death of Michael Jackson. The bent US election. Right, that’s all the rammell out of the way - now for a serious look at the last decade... MAY CONTAIN NOUGHTS The top ten mentalist local stories of the decade, compiled by Nottingham’s ‘Mr Sex’

10. People in the Grosvenor swim about UK’s biggest anti-burglar device; a 30ft Roman catapult that (known as ‘That There Big City With The Electricity’) for a night in their own wee and bob fired chicken droppings onto unsuspecting crims. Sadly, police out. Seeing as one of them owed an undisclosed sum to a local We’ve had absolutely minging summers this decade, so when stopped him from using a cannon that would fire rubber-tipped dealer (quite possibly a cow), they decided to take a couple of the Grosvenor flooded out and the car park was filled with three railway sleepers, which he used to fire his wife across the River pool balls in socks with them, as you do. feet of water in July of 2009, what else could the punters do but Avon. By the time they got to – sigh – Yates, they were so kaylide and throw caution to the wind and throw an impromptu pool party, bored that they decided to have a (defendant’s words) ‘play like they were in The Sims or summat? 6. Forest get battered in town fight’ and started re-enacting scenes from Scum (but not the one What a shame that the fire brigade had to show up and spoil the Forest were awful for most of the decade, but they never sunk in the greenhouse, thankfully), ending in one of them lying in a fun by pointing out the flood was actually caused by blocked as low as this: The team celebrated a 5-0 beating by Oldham pool of blood. drains and they were swimming about in three feet of diluted in December 2006 by going into town and getting absolutely effluent. What they were doing was effectively the equivalent of battered again. 2. Cinderhill man gets massive homosexual tattoo drinking Bulwell Lido before licking the floor of Rock City circa At one point a Christmas tree got set alight and it culminated on his back 1983. Boo! in rest of the team watching one player squat on the floor of Quoth The Sun; ‘Proud Paul Croft got a tattoo of Harry Potter the bogs and crimp one out - this in one of the better bars in wizard Albus Dumbledore on his back – but is now being teased 9. Mansfield Town consider a name change town. Question: why is it always Forest players who do this sort by pals after he was outed as gay.’ Note the use of the word The noughties were a rotten decade for the Stags, with of thing? Do the County squad stop at home and have piano ‘proud’ - that’s shorthand for “if you met him in the street and relegation out of the League, dwindling finances and a series lessons, or take part in drama groups? pointed out that he had a mystical homosexual tattooed on his of supporter protests. One of these involved only one man, who back, he would pull your entire digestive system out of your locked himself in the toilets at half-time for a cry. Then there 5. The Arnold Hill School Stripper mouth and strangle you with it’. was the time where the chairman got panned by a supporter in How did you spend the day of your sixteenth birthday, dear The poor sod ended up getting a massive shaming off fellow his own boardroom. reader? I was busy failing a Maths GCSE and discovering to my factory workers, who previously seemed to think that spending The real ribbing occurred in 2008, however, when John Batchelor dismay that nobody wanted any off me even though I was now £500 on a tattoo containing someone from a kiddies’ book (who had changed his name in the past to John Top-Gear and ‘legal’. If only my Mam was as cool as the one who decided to was acceptable behaviour. ‘It’s been terrible,’ said Paul, as he John B&Q) announced plans to call the club ‘Harchester United’ treat her lad to a Gorillagram during a drama lesson, only for the presumably prepared to get a massive tat of something a bit after the protagonists in Dream Team (a Sky TV show that booking to get mixed up. more macho on his chest, like the Village People. ‘I’ve always was watched by about twelve people, eleven of whom were A stripper arrived, attaching a dog collar to the youth’s neck and liked Dumbledore – just not in that way.’ expecting The Simpsons and couldn’t be arsed to switch over). striping his arse with a whip sixteen times, getting her kit off to Mansfield sorts responded by making up a few new names for Britney Spears, and allowing him to rub whipped cream into her 1. The Filipino Mail Order Bride Phone-Wank arse before the teacher could pick her jaw up off the floor and put him, mainly related to lady-bits. Scam a stop to it. And talking of birthday treats… Andrew Vandarahe wins our award for creative businessman of 8. The Broxtowe Kitchen-nicker the decade – not only for running a pound-a-minute Filipino mail- Who says romance is dead? Not in Broxtowe in April 2007 it 4. Bulwell Dad tries to help fourteen year-old son order bride service in 2004 where clients could actually speak to wasn’t, when an enterprising besotted mouth-breather finally lose cherry on Forest Road the ladies over the phone (whilst glopping away like bored zoo gave his ex that kitchen she always wanted – the one belonging Picture the scene: a father is quite possibly worried that his lad monkeys), but for calling his company Jabba Communications, to the house across the road, which he dismantled, nicked, and was nearly fifteen and still hadn’t got one of the fair maidens of which was probably a great description of the people using reassembled in her house. Bulwell up the stick or on Jeremy Kyle yet. So he decides to show his services. But it all came crashing down in 2004, when a Unfortunately, her extremely convincing story – that she was him that sexual intercourse is a simple, yet sacred, exchange of trading standards investigation discovered that the women in upstairs giving the kids a bath while he was putting it together tenderness between man who can’t be arsed to get his trousers question were not crated-up Filipino fiancées, but mams from and came down to see it magically installed by the Kitchen completely off and pock-marked crack addict with the names of Sherwood putting on oriental accents and offering ‘Soo-keh Fairies – was knocked back by Babylon, and they both got sent her kids tattooed on her jubblies. In a graveyard! Foo-keh twenteh paahnd’. They even had crib sheets about the down. Unfortunately, Dad ends up asking a plain clothes officer if she Philippines stuck to their desks, just in case punters stopped wants ‘business’, and is immediately hauled off to the nick mid-joff and shouted, ‘Hey! What’s the average yearly rainfall in 7. The Kegworth Catapult Man and slapped upon the Sex Offenders Register. Never mind, the Zamboanga peninsula?’ Nottingham had a bit of a reputation for crime this decade, with, it’s Christmas soon. Maybe Santa will bring a smackheaded Mr Vandarahe got taxed £1,625 and went back to his old job of oh, about fifty million news stories about how we regularly go Albanian. being a taxi driver, whilst phone-wankers across the county tried to the graves of our own grandparents, rip out their gold fillings, to rebuild their shattered lives. ‘You thought you were talking to and then dob them in at Ca$h Converter so we can buy some 3. Eastwood banjo-twangers liven up a Saturday a Filipino girl and some had the accent just right,’ said one. ‘But crack to keep our kiddies awake so they can climb through night in town by playing Human Conkers when you heard the girl say ‘Ayup’ and ‘Cheers, me duck’ you knew it was a con.’ windows at 3am. The noughties were a vintage year for mouth-breathery Fortunately, some of us still valiantly fight crime - and none more aficionados, as demonstrated by this charming story about two so than Joe Weston-Webb, a former stuntman who created the cousins from Eastwood who decided to come to Nottingham

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 11 Exposed arse crack The Forest ‘We’re Serious About What was this all about? For the five Promotion – Are You?’ letter percent of women that looked decent In 2060, when the world’s natural resources have in thongs, it was a saucy bit of a fashion fully depleted and the last few hunks of coal are in thing. For everyone else, it looked wrong, museums, the nation’s homes will be powered by wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and resulted elderly Forest fans. in us seeing more man-arse in a half-hour They will be hooked up to the National Grid queue at the main Post Office in town than and will exude mega-ergs of embarrassed heat Freddie Mercury did over the course of his by being forced to look at the 2004-05 season entire lifetime. ticket letter which promised promotion to the Next decade, expect to see the youth of Premiership, and delivered relegation to League Nottingham gingerly John-Wayneing One. And during power surges, they’ll be made to down the streets of Hockley with one ball watch a video of the Yeovil playoff game. hanging out of their flies. Sky Mirror, 2000 words: Frances Ashton Cost: £900,000 The Broadway Media Centre, 2006 Cost: £5,700,000 Made in Finland from polished stainless steel, six metres wide, A huge redevelopment weighing ten tons and reflecting the job which transformed Playhouse’s surroundings in a pool Nottingham’s nattiest of inverted light and shade. Anish arthouse cinema into one of Kapoor’s Sky Mirror became such the best in the country. an instant hit (despite the fear that it might fry pigeons with intense The interior design of the beams of light) that New York nicked two new cinemas was the idea for themselves... influenced by Paul Smith and one bears his signature ‘I have always loved the Playhouse chocolate brown stripes. building for its own take on Brutalist Add a brand new façade architecture that rivals The Barbican which uplifts the space photo: Christine Preedy Centre or the Hayward Gallery with light, particularly and in London. Kapoor’s giant contact lens of a sculpture creates a complimentary backdrop to the you have a glittering jewel circular motifs in the Playhouse roof and the adjacent Wellington Circus and has always been a in the crown of Hockley. favourite of mine. It’s good to see contemporary art still in East Circus Street, a place where the Midland Group used to have its gallery in the 60s and 70s and where a young Anish had one of his ‘Sometimes a new piece of artwork in a building or a facelift (as in the case of Broadway) can first solo shows.’ inspire a change in what happens within that building. After its transformation in 2006, Broadway Jennie Syson, Independent Curator, Hinterland became a regional centre for cinema and media with a regular digital art programme. Sometimes a new look can mean a new start and attract new audiences – the beautiful glazed front and sun ‘It’s quite different and very modern. It draws people here - they say they love the sculpture. It terrace help this as well.’ makes a difference between here and the other theatre. I like it.’ Frances Ashton, Art Editor, LeftLion Jay Waterfield, Waiter, Cast ‘I think it’s great. I really like the glass screens on the first floor. I like it as a place to go, anyone can ‘An exciting public artwork connecting us with sky and earth. Playful and engaging, the Sky Mirror go there. It doesn’t put the general public off and attracts a wide range of people.’ draws viewers in to its illusion and transformative sphere.’ Chie Hoska, Lee Rosy’s Tea Shop and Artnot Irene Rogan, Sculptor and Public Artist ‘It’s a bit poncy, isn’t it? They’ve got some good films and nice people, but really it’s for the serious ‘It’s not bad, but it cost a million pounds! And it’s dangerous for the birds - it catches the sun and cinema goer. We saw The Ladykillers in there. The only surviving cast member left was Herbert they get caught in their flight. They should have got that local lad to do something instead, the Lom, and he did a talk. They’re good at things like that, but he’s an old man now and the film is so artist chap who puts lights into sheds (Raphael Daden). He’d have done a better job. He shops in old that he couldn’t remember anything when asked questions.’ here, you know.’ The Thompson Brothers, Greengrocers The Thompson Brothers, Greengrocers

Make no mistake, during the Noughties the steps on the Market Square were under the rule of the Emo. If you’re planning on getting maximum respect from your New Year’s Eve fancy dress do, you’d Emo’s World better read this guide pretty sharpish… Be miserable Hang around Ice Nine ‘Emo’, as we all should know Or Blue Banana. Buy long by now, is short for ‘Emotional’. and predominantly black Therefore, you’ll have to run the bondage overcoats with full gamut of human emotion, from accented stripes or racing ‘self-pity’, through to ‘cob-on’ all checks – making you look the way to ‘abject misery’ like a grumpy pirate child or a sullen Nigel Mansell. Be middle-class Add skinny trews that will If you’re going to do it properly, make you sterile. Girls - come from a pit of austerity and either exactly the same as unremitting despair, like West the boys or an Alice band, Bridgford. Minnie Mouse shoes and an Empire Line dress.

Sort that hair out Thanks to a range of ‘styling’ products that are geared towards Clog up the Market Square on shagging up your hair as opposed to sorting it out, you can now Harness the power of technology Saturdays and school holidays, being inscrutable spend a fortune to get the same effect as if you just slept on it. Everyone knows it’s no fun being alone and tortured unless Know this; the casual bystander will never be able to pierce the there’s someone else there to whinge at. Now, thanks to the dark cloud of despair that dwells within the Emo; a state of mind Get the slap on internet, there is! Spend all your life on Twitter –social network- where even sitting in the Square with your mates can be your Whether it be purloined from your Mam’s bag or from the tester ing for the unsociable. own personal ‘Nam. This effect can easily be attained by putting section in Boots, you need make-up. Primarily eye-liner and your black hood with skulls on it over your head. Twilighty glitter... trowel-fulls of it. Practice a trout-pout for hours Listen to the right music in the mirror. Spend even more hours taking thousands of photos If it sounds like a third-division version of My Chemical Romance words and images: Duncan Heath of yourself from directly above for MySpace. or Fall Out Boy, it’ll do. Or investigate entire sub-genres like Screamo - which is about as good as it sounds written down.

A fake NUS card Calling inanimate objects ‘gay’ This was the decade where the city centre We were content to assign emotions finally became a whopping great campus, to artefacts of rubbishness in the as certain establishments that should have nineties (e.g. ‘I’m not going to Broado, known better spent nine months of the it’s sad’). But this decade some of us year yanking apart their arse cheeks for took it a step further – we wouldn’t be Tristran and Arabella, and the remaining seen dead in Broado because it three months in the summer moaning that was ‘gay.’ locals wouldn’t support them. How? Why? Had said shopping centre If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em – courtesy been seen on NG1 with its shirt off? of a mate of a mate who had access to a Was it in a civil partnership with the laminator at work. Bus Station? If only said establishment were homosexual; then it would be tasteful, stylish, and wouldn’t stink of pound shop. 12 www.leftlion. The Market Square, 2007 Cost: £7,000,000

The transformation of the Square by Gustafson Porter resulted in a modern, flat space with stunning terrace features, fit for staging major events and celebrations. Boasting granite flagstones, flowerbeds, seating terraces and water terraces, The Brian Clough statue, 2008 the Square has already hosted an outdoor ice rink, a Cost: £70,000 beach, numerous concerts, and every Emo in town. photo: Dom Henry

Created by sculptor Les Johnson, the nine-foot high figure ‘It’s the heart of the city. It’s been done brilliantly and when it was out of action in re-design it was bronze figure of the King of Forest in his sweatshirted sorely missed. It’s a breeding space for so many different activities and we are fortunate to have a managerial pomp was paid for by public donations and space such as this in the city. I think we do re-generation really well in Nottingham.’ fundraising by Forest supporters. We think it perfectly John Newling, Artist and Professor of Installation Sculpture, Nottingham Trent compliments the statue of the younger Clough in a Sunderland park. ‘It’s crap because what they spent on marble and stone could have been spent on cleaning the Council House up. The water fountains are wicked, but I wished they’d kept the trees in.’ ‘I expected to dislike this as much as the hideous embracing Martin Thompson, vendor, Nottingham Evening Post couple at St. Pancras Station - monumental statues just aren’t my thing. Many pieces of public contemporary art make ‘I think it’s brilliant because it helps to get the kids out and about. When the beach was here in the great statements about participation and community, but summer - that was a great idea. The attractions bring money and people to Notts.’ rarely are they taken to the bosom of local people as loved Melvin Highton, vendor, Nottingham Evening Post landmarks. The Left Lion itself is a good exception to this rule. I’m pleased to eat my cynical hat and delighted to see the photo: Jonathan Hart Cloughie piece is something genuinely revered by Nottingham photo: Bob Watt Aspire, 2008 people. Most times when I pass by there is a lad and his dad Cost: £800,000 posing for a photograph. It gets people talking – sometimes to a complete stranger.’ Jennie Syson, Independent Curator, Hinterland Paid for by an anonymous benefactor, Aspire is 196 feet tall, making it the UK’s tallest freestanding sculpture, three times higher than The Angel of ‘It’s a good idea, but they should have used a different material to make it more modern. And it the North. It stands on the Jubilee Campus and was designed by Make, the should have been at the City Ground so it wouldn’t get vandalised.’ architectural practice founded in 2004 by Ken Shuttleworth. Daniel Frost, Ice Cream Man, Market Square ‘Designed by an architect rather than an artist, paid for by an anonymous ‘It should be a statue more meaningful for Nottingham in the position it is. Tourists don’t know who donor and situated in the grounds of a university? There is nothing very he is. It’s the wrong thing to promote the city of Nottingham.’ public about this artwork!’ B Skelhom, Florist, Andersons of Nottingham Frances Ashton, Art Editor, LeftLion

‘To be fair, we didn’t notice it where it is. It should be outside the City Ground or in the centre of ‘It seems strange that its there. But that’s what I like about it - that it doesn’t really fit in.’ the Square. Why haven’t they got one of Jimmy Sirrel? What he did for Notts County was just as Adam Sawyer, student good as anything Cloughie did, except winning European Cups.’ The Thompson Brothers, Greengrocers ‘It’s an impressive piece of contemporary artwork and fits well with the University’s Jubilee campus where the whole site has a contemporary theme.’ Jonny Duffy, Student

11043 Crocus Left Lion 127x177 8/9/09 12:42 Page 1

Nottingham City Councilproud Nottingham to present Christmas Crafts & Gifts Market Long Row, Old Market Square 18 November – 23 December, 10am ‘til late Come along and shop for exquisite Christmas crafts & gifts from around the World for your friends and family - what better time to shop for those gems?

For more information contact Nottingham Tourism Centre on 08444 77 5678 or visit www.nottinghamcity.gov.uk/whatson Having a mingy Millennium A chunk of the wire that surrounded the Square So, you spend an entire year being Berlin had their Wall, and Japan had its asked what you’re doing for New Tenko, or whatever it was called. And Years Eve 1999. You get offered for three years, Nottingham had its own chances to go to London, Paris, barricaded-up monument when the Square America and Edinburgh, but you tell turned itself into a massive building site, everyone that you want to spend it at meaning that three opportunities to get home, tenderly sharing a special your hand up a Sharon’s skirt against a moment with your family. Only to find Lion on New Years’ Eve was denied to that they’re all going to a house party us. But it was all worth it in 2007, as the in Rise Park. fences were torn down and skateboarding So you spend the last seconds of the 20th Nu-Metallers who had got trapped inside Century with your kaylide Mam shouting were tearfully reunited with their mates ‘Cheer up, you miserable get! It’s the (who were now Emos, and scared of them). bleddy Millemiun!’ at you while she dances to Do Do Do, C’mon And Do The Conga by Black Lace.

InThe a decade full of villains, Story no-one - no-one - was hated moreof than The SlantyN N, who was chosen to represent Nottinghamshire in 2005 and met with an alarming torrent of abuse. Everyone has had their say on the matter - now it’s time for the letter itself to break its silence and talk exclusively to the Lion… Slanty, you’ve had a very strange decade, haven’t you? But still...£120,000? Well, let me stop you right there; I’m not, quote, ‘slanty’. If you’d (sighs) Look...what people don’t understand is that I had to bothered to do any research, you’d know that I actually rotate lean. All the time. And change colour about 32 times. Say you’re anti-clockwise at about five degrees. It’s bad enough having the behind the till at Greggs, or whatever you do for a proper job, general public going (affects brain-dead expression) ‘Orrgh! It’s and your boss kept going; ‘Now sell them pasties at five degrees Slan-teh! Run away! He wants to eat us babehs! Let’s bon ‘im on to the perpendicular! Go on! Lean! Now change colour! Blue! the fire’, but journalists like you should know better. Now orange! No! That’s tangerine!’ and so on. Wouldn’t you demand a proper whack? And remember, I had to represent We’re really sorry. Shall we call you the Rotated Nottingham at all times. They made me sign a contract that said Anti-Clockwise N? I wouldn’t get drunk, seriously assault people, take class As, or No, I’m used to it - I’ve been in Nottingham long enough. Next get any women pregnant. question. And did you? OK, so tell us a bit about your background… Sign it? Yes, I did. With a pen. A blue one. (pause) Next question. Well, I had a great career before all this. My big break was a guest appearance on Sesame Street back in the day, with the Could you believe the reaction you got? letter T and the number 7. I was called back time and again. It still hurts. The way that people went on, it was like I was Great bunch of lads – I’d go out on the mash with Oscar the selling crack outside Scotholme Infant School and making the Grouch and Grover and raise hell. I came back to the UK to do a kids put the money down me kecks. There was one dickhead in bit of work for Countdown and Wheel of Fortune, but ultimately I the Post that said because I was leaning, I was promoting binge wanted something more...artistic. drinking! I remember reading that and thinking; ‘there’s kids shooting each other with bazookas in shopping precincts, others We wondered what happened to him… So what brought you to Nottingham? breaking into folk’s houses and laughing at their Artex ceilings He took it badly. Yes, there was that incident when he got caught My agent told me that they were auditioning for a new logo and and ornaments, and whole areas fighting for a post code...yet in Snape Woods with his Forest shorts around his ankles, but that I’d be perfect - and I’d heard that there were five vowels they’re having a go at Slanty?’ he’s a bear - it’s to be expected. He’s been my rock; I remember for every consonant, if you get me. I knew I’d walk it when I got one night when we were getting battered in the Old Dog and to the Council House – I was up against a big chip cob on legs, The main thrust of the argument was that you were Partridge, he put his hand on me shoulder and said; ‘Slanty… Su Pollard’s massive head radiating sun-rays, and a panda with replacing Robin Hood. you’ll never win in this town. Half of ‘em can’t spell anyway. The fangs and ‘Kill Derby’ written across its forehead in marker pen. Oh, don’t start me off. ‘Ooh, everyone’s going on about only letter they take any notice of is their court summons. You’ll Total amateurs. Walked up to the panel, said ‘Now see here - I’m Nottingham being full of violent crime, what shall we do? I get no respect in Notts until you put on some green tights and a massive letter N and I’m not here to fart-arse about’. Then I did know – let’s have an armed robber as our mascot’ Do you ever hit someone in the arse with an arrow. Bollocks to it. Bollocks to an impression of Brian Clough singing Nottingham Is Full Of Fun see posters of the Yorkshire Ripper with ‘Come to Bradford - its it all.’ whilst dancing the Flashdance routine. It slayed them. Slayed ace!’ underneath? No, you don’t. I don’t want to sound arrogant, them. I was offered the job on the spot. but where would Nottingham be without me? I’ll tell you, mate So what are you up to these days? – Ottigham. Well, I don’t want to jinx anything, but my agent’s heard that Your salary – £120,000 – caused quite a bit of consternation… Zimbabwe’s looking for an image rebrand. All I’ve got to do is Look, I don’t want to bite the hand that fed me, but there’s some But everyone knows about him and his links to Nottingham. fall on me side and it’s Milky Bars all round. People go on about right jealous mingebags in this town. Don’t hate the player, Yeah, but you could say the same about Harold Shipman. Why Robert Mugabe’s human rights record - he’s just had some bad bruv – hate the game. The game of Nottingham, er, logoing. I not put him on the bleeding Council House, then? PR, really. I know how he feels. remember some bell-end in Geisha having a pop, reckoning that I was ‘gooin’ raahnd thinking I wor summat’, or whatever these We’re not feeling too much love for the Hooded Man. Finally, is there anything you’d like to say to the people say. I said; ‘Mate, I just heard that the society of mongs in Robin Hood? Robin My Bleeding Livelihood, more like. And I’m people of Nottingham? Primark shirts who still live with their Mam are looking for a new not the only one, either - the best thing that came out all of this Yes, mate. A big, massive letter ‘V’. To all of you. logo – you should apply’. Then he started banging on that he was that I got to know Sherwood Bear. He was Forest’s mascot Slanty’s autobiography, A Capital Letter In A Provincial Town, is was paying for that champagne I’d just bought out of his Council for years, until some div reckoned he was scaring the children out in the new year. Tax. So I said; ‘Well, have some of it back, you twat,’ and I and they nobbed him off. And who do they get to replace him? gobbed in his face. Luckily, they kept that one out of the papers. Exactly. An oversized bogey pointing a bow and arrow at the kids. Again.

Wanting it to be the eighties again A tape recording of Paul Nicholls’ appalling Notts accent on According to our misguided A Thing Called Love youth, the eighties was a magical time where everybody pretended Billy Ivory’s 2004 BBC drama series was to be robots who dressed up like a veritable love letter to the City of Snot. pirates and 17th-century fops. In Unfortunately, us locals were too busy; a) actual fact, half the youths wanted pointing at the screen and shouting; “Ooh! it to be the sixties again, the other The 42! I’ve been on that bus!”; b) looking half wanted it to be this decade, in the background for any of their mates and we were all under the reign of slinking by, and; c) sputtering with outrage a mad old bitch who either put you at the mardy one in EastEnders going on the dole or made you do a YTS for “Eckers peckers, me dooook, tha’s a reight tastuh bit uh croompit, ‘appen ahv foll in £25 a week. Go to Reflex, and watch looov with yoh” two middle-aged men with mullets punch each other in the face whilst Club Tropicana is played, over and over again. That’s exactly what 14 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 the eighties was like. Having your dump in a bar interrupted by someone The smell of The Bomb who thinks you’ve got coke The Bomb on Bridlesmith Gate was – by far – the No names, no pack-drill, but if you most shocking loss to the local clubbing scene this actually curled one off in certain bars in decade, but Christ on a crisp packet, did it funk. town, a bell would go off and the entire Imagine a combination of fricasseed armpit, staff would applaud as you left the bog. fermented alcopop and the stench of Bernard And then give you a certificate. Notts Manning’s urine-soaked trousers that have been was awash with wanker powder in the left on a radiator all day. Noughties; great news for men who The venue is now the location of a ponce bar of could go into the same cubicle without the type that Fourth Division footballers frequent aspersions being cast in their direction, and has a Facebook-branded computer inside, in but bad news if you just wanted a bob case you want to update your status in the pub. without someone’s head popping over the door. ‘Soz mate, I thought you were having a nose-up.’ ‘Er, you wouldn’t want your nose up this, duck.’

had gone off. It was obvious that we had to do it again. And we did, the The Penny Dropped very next year. We raised less money but it was Drop In The Ocean: Nottingham’s finest 48 hours words: Al Needham an even bigger achieve- It’s Saturday night on 29 January 2005, and I’m wedged in a linked up to the very best people in Notts. There was Ash and ment. Not only had we car circling town with a group of people that, a month ago, I Charlotte, who organised like wanno. There was Ste, who spent jacked the numbers up wouldn’t have known from a hole in my arse. We are all in the entire month with a mobile glued to one hand and a mouse to 300 acts in 30 venues, different phases of panic, from mild and cautious concern to welded to the other, corralling the vast majority of the Notts but there wasn’t a major full-on brown trouserism and we’re people-watching. Actually, music scene into various venues. There was Steve and Heather, disaster to prick people’s strike that; we’re lack-of-people watching. We’re on the eve of who respectively got the entire non-rock and dance elements consciences with. It launching a huge festival across town. It’s the first Saturday on board and shook down every major business in town for was obvious that to do of the year after payday. It’s quiet. The signs are good. The donations. There were promoters, venue owners, bands. it properly on a regular fear remains; What happens if you throw a festival and Loads of bands. basis would have killed nobody comes? us all, however, and we By a mixture of chance and design, we’d all stumbled across a wound it down. It all started on Boxing Day 2004, when the second largest brilliant idea - bands got exposure to thousands of people, bars earthquake in recorded history set off a tsunami that killed were rammed on a miserable Sunday in winter, punters were You can still see the nearly 230,000 people across eleven countries. Two people – Ste having a blinding post-Xmas tear-up, and it was all for charity legacy of Drop today; Allan of Dealmaker Records and acoustic guitarist Steve Pinnock (and not a big charity, either – we linked up with a set-up who Oxfam obviously noticed, – saw it on the news, and decided to put on a couple of benefit were committed to spending our money to our exact require- with their Oxjam events gigs. So far, so normal; probably every place in the country did ments. And they did). and the Hockley Hustle, which is the true and worthy heir of likewise. They didn’t do it like Nottingham did, however; almost the Drop ethos. More importantly: £84,200 raised. An orphanage as soon as the benefits were announced, hundreds of bands and Drop was a huge deal for the Notts music scene. You’d run your in South India. A shelter for underaged victims of sex tourism singers volunteered their services. The next thing you knew, eye down the massive A3 flyer/line-up, and you couldn’t believe in Cambodia. Thousands of pounds for the Pakistan Earthquake there was talk of 200 bands spread across twenty venues. how many bands there were in such a small part of the world. Fund. When you look back at what happened in Nottingham this The actual day was a rush. I remember being in Muse for the decade, be it good or bad, Drop In The Ocean is what you put on Volunteering for Drop meant that, in exchange for running organisers’ after-party. It was heaving with people from right the top. yourself into the ground for the best part of a month, you got across the city, looking at each other in disbelief at how well it

We may not come home stinking like laboratory beagles any more, and we don’t have to worry about our best shirt having a burn-hole in it, but we lost many wonderful things when the smoking ban kicked in on July 1 2007… It’s harder to chat people up You can’t nick pub ashtrays any more You can’t wazz a nub-end from one end of the urinal to …for those of us whose top five chat-up lines were ‘Can I ponce Have you ever bought an ashtray in their life? Course not; you the other a fag off you?’, ‘Have you got a Rizla?’, ‘Do you have a spare liberated them from pubs, The sleek, rounded-off square ones The mind-set of the average bloke in a pub bogs used to go like filter tip?’, ‘Can I nick some baccy off you?’ and ‘Have you got from Muse; the earthenware plant-pot holders at the Fleece; this: Oh my God, I was really dying for a slash back then, now a light, duck?’ in any case. the branded Fosters ones at your local or the cut-glass potential all these other blokes have walked in, I can’t go, they’ll think I’m murder weapons at the old-man’s pubs. This is a shame, only in here to look at cocks, I’m going to – WAHEY! THERE’S A You can’t sit out in the beer garden on your own in winter because every pub ashtray has a story to tell - mainly the one NUB-END! KILL IT! KILL IT NOW! Nowadays, the City Hospital after a row, looking dignified yet righteous about how it ended up in your girlfriend’s handbag and she have to deal with at least fifty rupture cases every Friday night, You’re in the pub. Your partner, mate or work colleague is went almshouse when she found out. due to men trying to do the same thing with a urinal cake. talking absolute wank, as usual. What do you do to express your displeasure when you don’t want to actually leave the You can’t lairily stub your fag out in someone else’s ashtray You can’t get away with a massive trump any more. Or have pub? That’s right – you sit out in the beer garden on your own, Is there a better way of showing disrespect to someone whose a crafty one-skinner when the pub’s packed out in winter, looking dignified yet righteous. Whilst keeping an face you don’t like? When you wandered up to someone else’s Remember the euphoria of having a spliff in a rammed-out bar, eye out to make sure they haven’t legged it to the next pub, table and ground your fag into his ashtray, you were basically watching everyone else sniff the air like hunting dogs as you obviously. Nowadays, you fail to find a seat in the beer garden saying; ‘Look, bitch – I’d stub this out on your face, if I could be pass it under the table to your mate, luxuriating in the fact that - with a load of other nicotine addicts where those massive gas arsed.’ Fact: the Vietnam War actually started when Ho Chi Minh for a brief moment - you’ve got one over the entire population of burners aren’t blocking your view, while your mates go on to the stubbed out a Park Drive in JFK’s ashtray in the Thurland in the world? Well, it’s not happening ever again. And neither next pub and talk about what a mard-arse you are. 1962, whilst having a long and obvious stare at Jackie O’s tits. is ripping one off in the queue for the bar.

Moving into a ponce-box and then moaning about the noise Brian Harvey’s scalp At some point in the previous decade, someone decided Removed from said Tesco Value boyband lad’s it would be a great idea if head in 2000 by local machete-wielding scamps Nottingham had some executive after a guest appearance at The Works, an flats, where people could read appalling alco-creche that was populated by The Observer in a warehouse the sort of people who feel that the Jeremy Kyle whilst drinking poncey coffee. show is something you do, not watch. Unfortunately, no-one realised that Its current location is unknown, but according there are only three executives to rumour, the Lord Mayor is required by law to in Nottingham and they all live don it and perform Deep naked at Freemason in The Park. Consequently, they karaoke parties. were occupied by bell-ends who expected everyone to take their shoes off and tiptoe about when they piled out of the Market Bar at 2am. Oh dear. www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 15 A throbbing twelve months of dishy Notts beefcake, Hunks of Nottingham 201o sure to turn your heart into a broad, marshy centre...

Mr January: Sven Goran Eriksson Mr February: The Left Lion Mr March: Des Coleman Mr April: Nottszilla Mr May: Brian Clough Mr June: The Fish Man Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 1 2 1 2 3 4 5 6

4 5 6 7 8 9 10 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

18 19 20 21 22 23 24 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 21 22 23 24 25 26 27

25 26 27 28 29 30 31 29 30 31 26 27 28 29 30 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 28 29 30

Mr July: The Gordon Scott Monkey Mr August: The Jolly Fisherman Mr September: Robin Hood Mr October: The Goose Mr November: Lord Byron Mr December: Vic Centre Reindeer Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri Sat Sun 1 2 3 4 1 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5

5 6 7 8 9 10 11 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

12 13 14 15 16 17 18 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

19 20 21 22 23 24 25 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

26 27 28 29 30 31 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 27 28 29 30 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 29 30 27 28 29 30 31

30 31 Proper Notts at LeftLion.co.uk A special gift from Rikki Marr and Nottingham’s ‘Mr Sex’ If you are a Nottingham-based artist and would like to be profiled in this section, please email [email protected]

White Rabbit Studios is a recently formed collective, based in a small but inspiring house in Sherwood with five rooms and a shed, where the artists hold exhibitions, community events and drink lots of tea. Follow them on their blog at whiterabbitstudio.wordpress.com Rebecca Gove-Humphries Amanda Going What kind of art do you make? What kind of art do you make? I make work out of everyday materials I make art connected to outdoor environments and the like tape and string, to represent periods life you can find there. Very often I will use photography of time or ways of measuring. This will as a means of documentation as well as for producing usually be made in the form of sculpture, images. I draw and paint from that documentation video or amateur photography. I like using mixed media and experimental approaches. I art that makes you laugh. It’s always have recently begun to create from observation and great when a piece of art is made memory, to try to combat viewing life only through a with an audience in mind and they lens. understand it. What inspires and drives you? Tell us about a recent project… I enjoy learning about natural history - just lately I have I’ve been taking photographs of been reading Roger Deakin’s book Wildwood in which discarded furniture that I am making he travels amongst all kinds of woodland near and into a collection of prints. I am then far. I’m really interested in human relationships with offering people ideas about how nature; how they are formed and sometimes lived out. they could re-use them for things like AD-I then go on to make my own connections and attempt paper aeroplanes or book marks. I am to represent them through the art I make. Fellow artists interested in why certain objects are and friends or family often inspire me and spur me on. considered redundant. It makes me so happy when I see a piece of furniture Got any future plans? on the side of the road, waiting for I really enjoy being part of White Rabbit Studios and am someone to notice it. looking forward very much to developing our space and making the most of any opportunities that we can create. I want to continue making art and I would also like to use my skills to help Got any future plans? others create. I’ve also started sharing a stall with another friend at Hockley Arts Market, so am Hopefully, a warmer studio space, we excited to see how that develops too. have always wanted to make a homely, comfortable space and warmth is a crucial part of that. What’s it like to be an artist in Nottingham? I think I’ve been really lucky in meeting the people I have through growing up, being educated What’s it like to be an artist in Nottingham? and working here in this city. They are the reasons I have enjoyed and still love being an artist I think it can be quite a challenge. It’s difficult to reach a wider audience but events like in Nottingham. The local environments I visit inspire me too and I can’t see myself creating Sherwood Arts Week enable many different types of artists to get their work seen by a anywhere else at present. larger range of people. Favourite Nottingham public art piece? Favourite Nottingham public art piece? Some small bronze castings set into the pavement near Hucknall marketplace, which celebrate Behind the Co-Op in Carrington there is a mosaic piece which just cheers up what could many different things about the local area. be quite a scary walk through. There are bits of objects stuck into the wall and it promotes amandagoing.wordpress.com putting your rubbish in the bin. An all-round good thing I think. VERTgove-humphries.co.uk Adam Goodge Katrine Brosnan What kind of art do you make? The kind of art you couldn’t really hang on a What’s your favourite kind of art? wall. I make art that is generally interactive and I like art that is humorous, fun and looks to engage with a wider audience than sometimes political; I really enjoy the the white walls and stale halls of traditional work of Bill Drummond and Richard art institutions. It’s sometimes performative, Dedomenici who have both managed to often photographic, occasionally video-based, make me think and smile. frequently collaborative, with a bit of text and a few presentations. What inspires and drives you? Working in a charity shop inspires me What inspires and drives you? as I rarely go home without adopting Bizarrely, perhaps to some, the work and early ‘unrecyclable’ treasures. I think you can lyrics of Cliff Richard - there’s a lot to be said find inspiration everyday in the most for finding inspiration in the most unlikely unlikely places. places.

What’s the best thing about being an Tell us about a recent project… artist? Recently I began a snooker world tour; I plan Having the freedom to be creative and communicate ideas in a variety of ways and not to play everyone at a game of snooker in needing to buy birthday or Christmas cards! various venues on a portable snooker table. I used to play as a child and was talking in a Tell us about a recent project… pub about how snooker is a bit like life - you get all these chances to progress and meet all these I’ve just saved an old photocopier from a dust-ridden end and I am planning to use it to start people as you try to figure out how to play and succeed. Some of it’s luck, some of it’s chance, there up a small publishing press with Adam Goodge. may even be a bit of skill involved - but in the end you always need to remember that it’s only a game. What’s your favourite thing about Nottingham? Sherwood, it’s such a friendly place where everybody knows your name, and they’re always What is your favourite animal and why? glad you came. Frogs. The main reason is Rupert and the Frog Chorus. ‘Win or lose, sink or swim, one thing is certain we’ll never give in, arm in arm, hand in hand, We all stand together.’ It may not be how a What is your favourite animal and why? frog actually thinks, but even so frogs are underrated and I like them. A cat, because they are so clever and I like it when their mannerisms make them look like mini lions. I also have a soft spot for pigeons; I will just have to make sure I never get my two Favourite public art piece in Nottingham… favourite animals in a room together. I like the tiles in Broadmarsh toilets. I’ve been there twice when I’ve been caught short, and my shopping experience was improved greatly by my visit. The tiles have been decorated with images Favourite Nottingham public art piece? made by schoolkids and they brighten up an otherwise reluctant visit to Broadmarsh public Not the Brian Clough statue! Probably the mosaic and mural next to the Co-Op in Carrington, lavatories. I think it was created by local school children and it makes every trip to the studio a very cheery one. adamgoodge.wordpress.com katrinebrosnan.wordpress.com MORE ART REVIEWS AND INTERVIEWS AT LEFTLION.CO.UK/ART 18 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 THOMPSON BROTHERS 83B Haydn Road, Sherwood, Nottingham, NG5 2LA 01159 609 209

NORDMAN FIRS £25 EACH Write Lion We’re running six reviews this issue, so that you can put your book orders in early with Santa and ensure you receive something other than socks, deodorant and a Homer Simpson shaving set. Before then, we will be collaborating with the Beatnik Guild and hosting a regular hour slot at The Arts Organisation on the ﬁ rst Friday of each month. And if that’s not enough our third literary podcast is online now! Big thanks to Alistair Catterall from the forum for helping select these poems.

Hot Stuff Masturbation Ode to a Missing Pen by Marion Bell by J C Milo by Bucket

Come frost and snow, come sleet and rain I’m sitting here in a vicious pool of my own malice I loaned it to him, you share my happiness and pain Trying to flick off viscous strings of hate oh why did I loan it to him, and warm me up on winter nights, My world is stained, smothered in my revulsion, he never gives pens back. there’s never any arguments or fights. Everything leads back to me. It’s got my stink all over it. It was my good one, You’re not that sexy in the nude Shine it up with my snotty sleeve, the one with the squishy grip, but when you’re really in the mood Just spreading it around the one that seems to not you’re very easy to turn on Spreading it thin so the glory stands out... run out of ink, and in the morning you’re not gone. Greasy, Waxy, oh my missing pen, My blues can quickly turn to red - Alcoholic. how I wish to find you, you really are hot stuff in bed, This is how people go mad, to be returned to you, my dear electric blanket. Trying to wash the self off themselves to be reunited with you in my hand, But like a mould it crawls back ground. Ingrained. to scribble or draw, In the space between the spaces. to etch or write, Tiny Short Stories Given time, it flowers - hideously to conjure a verse from your nib. by Harry Wilding Until its will takes over And it no longer lives on you, but sorrow, It lives because you do. as my pen is lost, Sam loved Jo. But – with The Beatles on the radio – he looked down at his freshly unwrapped socks sadly, knowing love was Leaving: A poem in 17 words I’m sure I gave it to him, not all he needed. but if I ask, by MulletProofPoet would he even remember?

“Wait” called the unicorn, as the ark sailed out of the bay. It started to rain again.

The Colour of Blood Cello & Other Stories Staple 71: The Art Issue Peter Youds Frances Thimann Ed Wayne Burrows Bicorn, £7.99 Pewter Rose, £7 Staple, £10

Following in the footsteps of Old age is a subject often To mark the opening of Nottingham Bernard Cornwell’s Sharpe dismissed as dull and uncomfort- Contemporary, Staple has dedicated novels, The Colour of Blood able, while the elderly themselves their 71st issue to art and the follows the exploits of two are perceived as a nuisance rather relationship between word and Nottingham-born brothers as than an inspiration. This collection image, writer and artist. As always they march with the army of Sir sets out to challenge standard it is the sheer breadth and range of Arthur Wellesley (later the Duke caricatures and stereotypes at- subject matter that is so impressive, of Wellington) through Portugal tached to older people and in doing taking us from the Book of Kells to and Spain. One an engineer and so, the author – a graduate from Mike Godley’s exploration of war and the other assigned as liaison to the NTU Creative Writing MA - has history in Silesia and stopping off to their temperamental Spanish ally, created eight beautifully written discover how Noam Chomsky and Youds has them at the centre of the action as Wellesley’s army short stories that are observant, Albert Einstein have influenced fights off the French at Talavera. reflective and poetic, if somewhat Cornelia Parker. But it is Mel melancholy in tone. Those who are now slow on their feet, ill and Fawcett’s hilarious The Gift which held my attention. In this, a Based solidly on the real events and battles of the Peninsular alone were once bright, vibrant and young and have the carpenter turned painter develops a style that seems to War, Youds’ novel mixes action with well-researched historical experiences and knowledge of a lifetime to share. Old age comes ‘deliberately ignore the whole history of modern art.’ detail and a real feel for the character of the times, and his to us all (if we’re lucky), which is why this kind of writing serves Unsurprisingly he is a massive success, which is a shock to his likable heroes make a fair fist of buckling every swash in sight. as an uncomfortable reminder of our own mortality. As Abraham wife as he will only paint breasts. A very clever yet simple satire, This novel is the second in a projected series that will take the Lincoln famously advised, ‘It’s not the years in your life that it is the best homage to Bukowski I have ever read, yet always brothers up to a final confrontation with Napoleon’s armies at count. It’s the life in your years.’ retains the author’s unique voice. Waterloo. Aly Stoneman James Walker Robin Lewis pewter-rose-press.com bicorn.co.uk staplemagazine.wordpress.com

Aztec Love Song No WayNo Way tojacket .2:corrected Say version (17.2mmGoodbye spine) 26/8/09 08:06 Page 1 The Girlfriend Experience Marty Ross Rod Madocks Rebecca Dakin Weathervane Press, £7.99 Five Leaves, £9.99 John Blake Publishing, £11.99

“We are all waiting for someone to come back from the past bringing a lost happiness.”

Aztec Love Song is the second of In writing hisFive steps debut lead up to the novel, hidden world of Rod the maximum Books about escorts are either security asylum. Jack Keyse is looking for the truth about three releases this year from local Madocks haswhat sacrificed happened to his vanished a lover. lot. He uses his unremittingly grim or ludicrously professional contacts to get close to those who might be publisher Weathervane Press, Firstly, he soldresponsible. his At the house same time he seeks to forgetfulness finance in varnished. This book, however, is the chaos of his dissolute life. He comes to discover and take vengeance but when at last he finds out the truth the and it is bold, rude and full of writing it andchallenge secondly, is to live with that knowledge. he has written by a Notts girl who has action. Newton Mearns, a taken the maximumA haunting and sinister firstsecurity novel that explores love, loss come out the other side pretty much and the pursuit of an obsession. Glasgow suburb, doesn’t know asylum as hisRod Madockssetting, has worked thereby in mental health for two unscathed, and is probably nearer decades, including forensic medicine and secure what’s hit it when an exotic risking alienationhospitals. He lives from in Nottingham. his former to the truth than most. Yes, there’s

UK £8.99 stranger arrives to lay bare work colleagues forwww.fiveleaves.co.uk exposing the loads of sex in there, and you can’t murderous secrets in a fit of hidden truths of the profession he read the book without either vengeance. Melinda Carido, fresh worked in for fifteen years. Thank despising or feeling sorry for most of from Mexico, is not the stranger goodness he did. Cover by Darius Hinks the punters, but the really shocking she makes out: her history is tightly woven around the wealthy element is Dakin’s tone of voice – she Hutchers, a resident family. Using all her sexual guile to Set over three parts, the novel follows the fortunes of Jack Keyse comes across as a nice, decent, self- insinuate herself into the lives of those closest to the family, as he comes to terms with personal loss and seeks vengeance employed woman writing a business memoir, only to rise up and Carido begins to plot her retribution, calling for pain, suffering upon the person who has taken her from him, yet this is easier slap you in the face with stories about being offered cash for sex and, ultimately, blood. said than done. Consequently Keyse develops some complex with monkeys (which she turns down) and the hygiene relationships with characters which a less sensitive author problems of certain clients. Highly recommended for those Ross paints a disturbing picture of the dark heart of suburbia, would simply have demonised and constructed into a simplistic interested in a less sensationalised depiction of sex work, and but the ill-defined characters betray the emotional potential of binary narrative of good versus evil. You may not necessarily anyone who craves a contemporary female read devoid of Chick- the story, and pitch the avenger against all too familiar foes. If be able to forgive someone for what they have done but Lit cliché-mongering. Expect an interview with the lady herself you’re looking for merciless revenge and sexual adventure, this understanding why is part of the healing process. A notable next issue... book is for you. moral indeed. Al Needham Bianca Winter James Walker thegirlfriendexperience-bea.blogspot.com www.weathervanepress.co.uk fiveleaves.co.uk 20 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 Time, once again, to review all the latest and greatest Notts music we’ve been sent, If you have anything you want us to give the once-over, please visit: www.leftlion.co.uk/sendusmusic Captain Dangerous The Death Notes Gareth Peter Dicks I Miss You Cos It’s Monday/Shoot The Death Notes Bluebird Deserters EP (Self-released) Album (Escape Records) Single (Danqua Records) Since Seattle’s grunge heyday, many Gareth Peter Dicks has previously Formed by former flatmates Adam alt-rock bands have been searching composed five musicals. Bluebird, Clarkson and Miles Clark, with Mark for that winning formula that allows set against the backdrop of WWII, Houlgate and newest member Ben the blending of quiet, haunting is certainly his most ambitious to Farnsworth, Captain Dangerous melodies with a loud, punching date. As is often the case with war- have had an incredible ascendency. chorus, to mixed success. One band based dramas, love is the defining Accompanying Dirty Pretty Things and The Holloways on who seems to have nailed it are The Death Notes, who have narrative, and in over 24 songs spanning five years we are the road and currently collecting endless confirmation of found that fine balance between raw intensity and polished taken on an emotional rollercoaster that only the insane their talent and praise from musical peers both far and wide production. Their feedback-heavy yet slick guitars hit the mark conditions of war could produce. for their playful indie tunes, which they deliver with quirky perfectly, whilst the vocals have the sound of a live show but panache. From this single, you can clearly see why their folk- still remain impressive enough for a record. Obviously, listening to a musical is very different to watching indie stylings have been praised for exuding light-hearted and the cast perform on stage, and so there is arguably a greater affable charm. The standout track on this five-song offering is Seismic, a need for an emotive connection. This comes through dramatic battle-cry that builds slowly until exploding into a glorious riot crescendos and trumpeting fanfares with vocals from West End This single follows up their well-received album, May’s of guitars, drums and feedback. The band have been compared stars such as Ramin Karimloo. However on occasion there is a The House That Jack Hayter Built, and is a superb dose of to Sonic Youth - and the influence is evident in their dissonant tendency to over-sentimentalise, such as with Family Man, but entertainment, with a curious distorted vocal and what could yet melodic sound, creating that well-worn familiar feeling this might be a limitation of the genre than a failing on the part be called a jolly melody on the title track, which will easily that comes when you hear great music. If they can create more of the composer. The important thing is that you connect with have you singing along before the end of even your first listen. moments like Seismic and the chilling but pretty EP Closer Cold the narrative and are transported back to an era of sacrifice Flipside Shoot Deserters gives exposure to a well-layered vocal Dawn, they could be well on their way to being one of the best and solidarity, when people had pride in both themselves and and more than a hint of strings. Their assault on the UK gig bands that Nottingham has to offer. Lauren Walker ‘Blighty’ and most importantly of all, hope was enough to scene has won them national acclaim, and with dates still in get you through hard times. To hear an interview with Peter, the Nottingham gig diary, it’s definitely worth catching them Available from Amazon, I-tunes, LaLa.com, Nokia Store, Napster download the third WriteLion podcast from leftlion.co.uk/ on the basis of this EP alone before they fly the Notts nest - and LimeWire Store podcasts. James Walker possibly for good. Nik Storey thedeathnotes.com Available from dresscircle.co.uk, soundofmusic.de and Available from iTunes and 7 Digital, with physical copies footlight.com available to order through the band’s website. Felix garethpeterdicks.co.uk captaindangerous.com You Are The One I Pick Album (Kranky) Red Shoe Diaries

EmceeKilla Red Shoe Diaries This debut from Lucinda Chua and Mind of a Tehranist EP (Self Released) Chris Summerlin is awash with LP (Dealmaker Records) haunting, yet chillingly beautiful, I first saw Red Shoe Diaries at chamber pop. The focus is on While this decade saw commercial the Chameleon not long after I’d Lucinda’s gentle and warm piano, US hip-hop finally buckle under moved to town, and remember that weaves it way throughout the album, grounding the songs the weight of a massive diamond- being impressed by their slightly in its earthy tones. Then the songs are framed with guitar that encrusted crucifix made of shambolic but catchy surf guitars gently shimmers and shines, adding just the right amount testosterone, retail addiction and and kitsch boy-girl vocals. They of flavour without ever taking focus away from the singing creative bankruptcy, the British scene are evidently on the up, as their recorded experience doesn’t and piano, making the record ebb and flow naturally without ripped the baton from the originators and ran headlong into disappoint, exuding warm overtones and exhibiting the charm being drowned in layers of instruments. Occasionally, such unchartered waters. This is the last great Notts-Hop release of a battered Belle and Sebastian EP rotating under a slightly as on What I Learned From TV, violins float in and over the from a decade that’s been rammed with them, from a former fluffy record needle. Track one Introduction starts with simple music adding another dimension to the already thoughtful and member of local collective Lost Project with an Iranian mother chords and soft harmonies building and eases into Fireflies delicate music. and an MI5 whistle-blowing father. Subsequently, the lyrical with catchy piano chords, surf-guitar solos and trumpet- content is a bit deeper than encouraging the womenfolk of the like strains, echoing some Ennio Morricone soundtrack to a The lyrics have a melancholic, haunting charm and there is area to shake their arses, and the sonic feel is - to lift a word Spaghetti Western. The music is gentle, but the lyrics are witty, a kind of child-like whimsy present in their delivery. Not to from a previous era - dark. The standout tracks are obviously self-aware and occasionally very poignant. This comes though suggest that they are naïve or simple; quite the opposite. the familiar ones – the Clash-sampling Guns of Britain and best, perhaps, in Infinity+1 - full marks for excellent use of the They are wrapped up in playful wordplay or expound romantic the Zammo-tastic More British – but the newer material is a word ‘trite’ in a pop-song that might otherwise be described storytelling, as showcased in the roaming trickiness of deeply unsettling suite of Gothic beats and spat-out sheets of as twee! Underage Disco makes you long for a new series of Marlboro Man. The delicate nature of Lucinda’s voice lures crabbed, undiluted anger at the state of play in the 51st State. Channel 4’s Teachers just so it can go on the soundtrack, while you in to a false-sense of innocence. This is mature and Jesus Don’t Care exhibits a true Beach Boys vibe. beautiful music. Killa was always one of the top MCs in his adopted city; now he’s one of the strongest voices in the UK. As the man says; Overall, the sensation is rather like poking your head out Both Lucinda and Chris clearly have a lot of respect for each “Remember: this is merely art, do your own research.” from the warm security of the duvet on the Sunday morning other, and it’s rare that a collaboration between two talents is Al Needham after a break-up to find the sun streaming through a gap in as fulfilling as this is. This is an album that on first listen seems the curtains; nostalgic, bittersweet but with the promise of simple and straightforward, but repeated listening brings Available from dealmakerrecords.com, Amazon, and Napster. beautiful new things to come. Bod Fonda multiple pleasures as hidden depths slowly reveal themselves. myspace.com/mckilla05, Paul Klotschkow Available through request from their MySpace and at gigs myspace.com/redshoediariesmusic Available from iTunes and kranky.net Marc Reeves myspace.com/mybeautifulfelix Shadows Timothy J Simpson Album (Self-released) Our Glorious Hero Battles The Man Album (Concentration City Records) Royal Gala Marc Reeves is an 18 year-old singer- Royal Gala songwriter and frontman of local Acoustic singer-songwriter types EP (Self-Released) 60s-tinged alt-pop sorts Dax, and are more common than an Amy

– as displayed in this more acoustic Winehouse trip to the hospital,so Royal Gala are a nine-piece Notts solo debut - his lyrics, music and it takes a little spark of inspiration collective who boast guitar, synth, voice ooze a rare musical maturity to stand out from the crowd. With flute, percussion and a brass section. that defy his age. The opening – and title – track has a very Our Glorious Hero Battles The Man, The band throw in ska and latin simple and slow drum beat that continues throughout much Timothy J Simpson not only is he leaping above his peers, it’s inflections, plus break-beats and of the album, giving off an extremely chilled yet accomplished like he’s strapped a jetpack to his back. samples to what is already a fully- vibe with the focus firmly on the songwriting. blown soulful tropical gangster-type sound mix. The horns are He sets out his stall immediately with Wolves, a song barely a great: brassy and memorable. The vocals superb: passionate Reeves likes to keep things uncomplicated and straight to the minute long that’s lovingly draped in feedback. This is a man and varied. The playing throughout is inspired. It sounds ‘live’. point, and there are moments on Shadows that work brilliantly. willing to take risks and to tell his listeners “If you like this, It sounds lively. It sounds like a band. Opening track Boom Games shows us what he’s capable of vocally, while Where You then come in for more. If you don’t, leave immediately - we Stakka blazes away, driven by raspy horns. Boss adds a bit of Belong introduces a multitude of layers and sounds. Morning don’t want your sort here anyway.” Those that stay are treated Bossa Nova. Can’t Stand Me throws up echoes of two-tone. In Winter adds extra texture to the collection with a dark, to a talent with a droll sense of humour and a way of spinning And in Constantinople comes the funk. Overall, it’s great stuff. haunting sound, that shows that there is an artist lurking stories out of the mundane trivia of everyday life. Genuine pop-soul territory, in fact. here wishing to push himself and try out new sounds. This is clearly a man with great song-writing ability, and this is a solid The Centurion is delivered as a stream of consciousness by So forget sticking a donk, deep bass or woof on it. Add a proper offering from a promising musician. Do yourself a favour and a narrator who speaks of a sister who is a moron and a mum bit of four-string sorcery and have done with it. Get ‘em up on check him out immediately. Jack Tunnecliff on medication. Best of all is The Beast That Lived Behind The the good foot. And keep ‘em there. This is a band that will keep Bank, a mix between Pavement’s slacker-rock and some anti- you up on the dance floor dancing in to the small hours until Available at gigs and from marcreevesmusic.1freecart.com folk scamp in ripped up converse and an ill-fitting t-shirt, but your feet are numb and your clothes are soaked through with myspace.com/mjronline without the hipster knob cheese. Paul Klotschkow sheer joy and abandonment. Andy Afford

Available via Amazon, iTunes, Spotify, Napster and CD Baby Available through the band’s website and at gigs. www.timothyjsimpson.com myspace.com/royalgalaband leftlion.co.uk/issue32 21 featured listing LEFTLION Words: Jared Wilson LISTINGS DECEMBER-JANUARY 2010 Viva TICKETS ON-LION

Buying tickets for events in Notts? From the latest DJs at Stealth to the latest bands Johnny at venues like Seven and The Rescue Rooms, you can get them all through our website, at no extra cost. Even better, thanks to our partnership with gigantic. co.uk, every time you buy one through us Vegas some of the funds will go towards LeftLion and a bit more goes to those nice folks at Johnny Vegas is one of the most famous Oxfam. comic actors on the UK circuit. He’s hung leftlion.co.uk/tickets around with a monkey, starred alongside Johnny Depp in The Libertine, played weed fiend Moz in BBC’s Ideal and become a It’s The Final Countdown regular face on UK TV panel shows. Luckily New Years Eve in Notts: it’s gonna be messy... for us, when he fancies a quick foray back into stand-up he pays a trip to Nottingham Yes, it’s that time again where you start planning what you’re going to do to say goodbye to the last - and Just The Tonic in particular. He’s year and hello to a new one. Since 2005, LeftLion have back again this December, compering their helped to make the choice easy for many of you by Christmas show at the Royal Centre... putting on big shindigs ourselves, but this year we’ve So, tell us about this Christmas gig… decided to have a year off and instead wander round No worries. But last time you got hitched you sold your Forest Fields clutching a bottle of Aldi vodka, with There’ll be all kinds of craziness like making decorations and other things. I like being able to play around a bit as well - at a wedding photos to Viz for £1. I take it that whole Hello an ear cocked for the sound of a random party and Magazine culture irritates you too then? an insistence that ‘Dave’ said it was alright to come Christmas show you want the comics to come and let their hair down along with the audience. Two days before I’ll be saying why My take on it was always that if you’re well known enough that over. That’s us well and truly sorted - but we have no people actually want to pay for the pictures, then you’ve probably intention of leaving you in the lurch... “oh why have I put myself up for this?” but I’ll always do them, as I really like both the club and Darrell (JTT owner) as a promoter - already got enough money to cover your own wedding. I find those occasions very odd. Detonate are offering up the massive Countdown he likes to see you having fun and doesn’t have too set an idea of what a comic should be doing. 2009 event, with the likes of Andy C, Beardyman, There was talk of you being cast in a Shane Meadows Fabio, High Contrast, The Scratch Perverts and How many times have you been to Nottingham? production a while back. Is that a non-starter now? dozens more at Rock City, Stealth and The Rescue It looks that way. We did a three-day workshop for a project for Rooms. Tickets start at £26. More information on page Probably forty or fifty times? I dunno… I did a lot of compering and stand up at Just the Tonic six or seven years ago. When I the BBC. He was editing Dead Man’s Shoes at the time and the X. Meanwhile, Dogma residents Tony Global and Tom way it ended was incredibly frustrating. Anyone who’s worked Freeman will be up for the occasion, with the venue was coming down regularly we got really into that film The Big Lebowski, so we’d all go down to the AMF bowling alley quite a with Shane knows he never works with a finished script, but the offering free drinks to people who turn up in fancy BBC were dead set on having that in front of them and so it didn’t dress - check page X for the full SP. lot, to the point that we became regulars and the staff got to know us. I’ve not got the ankles for ice skating, you see, so I could never work. I’ve been in touch with him since and if he ever – it always have a proper go on your international ice rink. sounds needy this, doesn’t it? – if he ever cast us, it’d be great. If you’re entering the new decade in a parlous But there are no immediate plans that I know of. financial state, Basement Boogaloo are running a Some of your previous gigs here have been pretty bizarre… Dole Disco at The Maze. At the bargain price of just What’s the last thing that made you laugh? £1 all night with residents Nick Shaw and Beane on Yes, lots of my favourite stories are from gigs that have happened in Nottingham. Once I arrived really late and they had to close the A repeat of Shooting Stars on TV last night, and it just happened the decks and a Funktion One soundsystem in the to be the episode where Matt Lucas sang the baked potato song. house, this probably ranks as the one of the best venue, so we all went into the car park at the back instead and I ended up auctioning off everything from my bag – my toiletries It still makes me laugh now. deals of the night. If you fancy a laugh, on the other hand, Just The Tonic are offering up their usual NYE and all that. Another time we had a bonfire where people actually burnt themselves. Oops! Then there was a night where I was Have you seen the new series? Would you go back onto it? comical fare at the Approach, with Ivan Brackenbury I caught one of them, but it’s hard to watch really as you just (self proclaimed saviour of North Derbyshire singing in a wheelie bin, being passed around the tables like pass the parcel. When i’d stop, the table would win a round of drinks. want to be there yourself. Yeah, I would have gone back on it in a Hospital Radio), Henning Wehn (Germany’s Comedy flash if they’d asked me - filming it was just too much fun to ever Ambassador) and Seann Walsh (who has been I think it’s a sign of a really good comedy club when you don’t have to do your greatest hits, but can go and play about instead. call work. But I respect Vic and Bob’s choices and if they want to compared to Dylan Moran) on the mic – alongside move on and try something different then so be it. club owner and compere Darrell Martin. When you’ve got people who go to comedy gigs regularly in the audience, they can appreciate something different. Johnny Vegas plays the Just The Tonic Christmas party at the The Ropewalk in Canning Circus are about to confirm Royal Centre on Monday 21 December. You can hear an extended a couple of well-respected local DJs, with free entry I hear you’ve recently got engaged again? Congratulations… Yeah… thank you, you’re the first person in the press to ask me audio version of this interview on LeftLion’s Poddingham podcast and a late licence - or if you fancy a bit of Mod on leftlion.co.uk/podcasts action then park your Scooter up against the Lidl on directly. I have got engaged, there’s no denying it, but I’m quite pleased that we’ve kept it below the radar for as long as we have, Mansfield Road as Ronnie London’s are taking over justthetonic.com The Grosvenor for the evening – tickets are £10. If so I don’t want to talk about it at length if that’s okay. you’re out Trent Bridge way and fancy something a bit more formal, then The Southbank Bar are doing a black tie ball with music from the likes of the Joe Strange Band and Richie Muir – entry is £15 and includes an all you can eat barbecue. And The Robin Love Blazing Tunes, Hate Racist Buffoons Hood in Sherwood have live music from covers band Keen on harmonies and polyrhythms? Not massively impressed with Urban Legends – entry is £5 and includes food and a racial prejudice? Have we got an event for you... glass of champagne. The English Defence League - a shower of pinch-faced racist bell-ends and middle-aged football As usual, there’ll be loads of other cool stuff going casuals who are too thick to spell ‘BNP’ - are coming to the Square on Saturday 5 December to across Nottingham on the night, and other venues warn us that all Muslims want to eat our babies and blow themselves up in Viccy Centre. Let’s will be confirming their activities very soon - best not mess about, here - these people are outright vermin. Previous EDL events around the country check leftlion.co.uk/listings for the full lowdown. have ended with Nazi salutes, racial attacks, and the sort of mouth-breathery we’ve come to However, if you want to experience the proper Notts accept from the sort of people who can’t accept that Hitler got his arse kicked in 1945. New Year, then go round a load of pubs in town in the evening, and gather in the Market Square Obviously, all right-minded Notts folk are well dischuffed about tossers like these coming over for about 11.45pm. As the bells signal the start of here and inconveniencing our Emos, so something is to be done about it; a counter-demonstration, another twelve months, grab a granny or granddad which has been organised on Facebook by normal people of all races who can’t be doing with such twattery. Your attendance is fully (depending on your preference) and snog the face off expected. someone who you wouldn’t even look at on a normal night. Feels good doesn’t it? Before that happens, however, there’s a gig afoot aimed at raising awareness about the EDL on Thursday 3 December, under the banner of Love Music Hate Racism: an organisation devoted to celebrating a multi-cultural society via impressive music events. This multi- genre night brings together hip-hop lyricist Emcee Killer with a firing reggae set from DJ collective Rigbee Deep and the reggae ska For even more listings, check our sounds of Jimmy The Squirrel. There will also be poetry on the night and a many more talented artists stepping up to support the cause. regularly updated online section at leftlion.co.uk/listings. The bucket will be rattled for the cause of LMHR and any proceeds will go towards funding further projects and events.

If you want to get your event in this magazine Love Music Hate Racism, Muse, Thursday December 3rd. 7pm - 2am. £3 after 7pm. lovemusichateracism.com and on our website, aim your browser at leftlion.co.uk/add. 22 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 nottingham event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Tuesday 01/12 Thursday 03/12

Many Things Untold Wire and Wool Seven The Alley Cafe Free, 8.30pm - 1am WOOF!Gagging to be let off the leash on Wednesday nights? First Tuesdays The Approach Mark Lockheart Quintet Have a sniff round Dogma… Free, 8pm Bonington Theatre £5 / £8 / £10, 8pm Dogma’s reputation for quality music events (after all, it won the The Answer Nottingham Bar Awards’ Best Music Venue gong a while back) is set Rock City DIVE vs Curriculum to be solidified with a brand new midweek event: Doggy Styles. It’s £13, 7.30pm The Market Bar the brainchild of resident DJs Tony Global and Tom Freeman, who £3, 9pm have joined forces to create DogmaDJs.com. Shadows Fall The Rescue Rooms Love Music Hate Racism Tony’s been down with Dogma since day one, and has forged a £10, 6.30pm Muse reputation as a veteran DJ with the broadest musical palette with residences at Heavenly Social, Breakdown at 7pm - 2am The Bomb and Ministry Of Sound. Tom, on the other hand, has put in serious work for the renowned Spectrum as a breakbeat specialist. Wednesday 02/12 Sonic Syndicate Rock City Thomas Dybdahl The fruits of their labour - a fusion of turntables, laptops and video projectors, quality music, stunning visuals - will £7, 7pm The Bodega be in full effect at Dogma. £6.50, 8pm Breadchasers ‘Doggy Styles is a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun for Nottingham’s midweek crowd. You can chill out with cocktails, soak The Central up some visuals and - if you’re up for it - get your dance on,’ says Tom. ‘Playing alongside Tony brings out a new Richie Muir £3, 8pm - late creative edge to my DJ sets. For the visuals expect Soul Train to Family Guy and everything in between.’ The Approach Free, 8pm Gurf Morlix And if you daren’t risk narking off your boss on Thursday morning, fear not; DogmaDJs.com will be controlling the The Maze venue on New Years Eve. Expect a hectic night spread over three floors, quality vibes, cutting-edge music, free Gary Numan £10, 7.30pm drinks for anyone in fancy dress, complimentary flavoured vodka shots all night long, and two projectors displaying Rock City £19.50, 7.30pm the countdown on big screens so you don’t miss out on the snogging. The Horrors The Pleasure Principle Tour The Rescue Rooms Doggy Styles, every Wednesday, Dogma, 9 Byard Lane, NG1 2JG. Tel: 0115 9886830 £10, 6.30pm Notts in a Nutshell dogmabars.com The Maze £3, 8pm Friday 04/12 Friday 04/12 Friday 04/12 Sunday 06/12 The Myways, The Kingship, Scrapbook Heroes, King Elle Filthy Smith Garrison and The Hum The Crave Alice in Chains The Robin Hood Deux Rock City Rock City Ian Broudie and James Walsh Free, 9pm 8pm £6, 7pm £22.50, 7pm The Rescue Rooms £16.50, 7.30pm The Big Dig with Holmes Dino Baptiste Swallow The Sun The Golden Fleece The Approach Saturday 05/12 Seven Free, 8pm Free, 8pm £8 adv, 8pm Thursday 03/12 Smokin Hogs Swallow The Sun, Insomnium, Har Mar Superstar The Robin Hood Songs by Canadians Bluesdog Ominium Gatherum, Threnody and The Bodega Free, 9pm The Golden Fleece The Lion Inn Pathosis. £8.50, 7pm Free, 7pm Free, 8pm Wildside Clubnight Fab 4 The Joe Strange Band Seven Marya Roxx Cult: Utah Jazz / Furney Southbank Bar Southbank Bar 8pm Seven Brownes Free, 7pm Free, 7pm £4 after 11pm, 8pm - late 8pm The Soul Ska Shakedown Paul Barrere & Fred Tackett Plus Voodoo Johnson, Union X and The Golden Fleece New Swing All Stars Alice Cooper The Maze Liberty Slaves. Free, 8pm Shaws Restaurant and Cafe Bar Royal Centre £15, 7.30pm Free, 8.30pm - 11pm £32.50, 7pm Urban Intro Jason Hart Band Lowline Southbank Bar Southbank Bar The Music of Queen Pendulum ( DJ set) and MC The Bodega Free, 7pm Free, 7pm Trent FM Arena Nottingham Verse £6, 8pm £27.50 - £35, 8pm Stealth Allegri String Quartet Allegri String Quartet with £10, 10pm Gregg Cave and The Village Lakeside Arts Centre Graham Oppenheimer Hall Band £9 / £12, 7.30pm - 9.20pm Lakeside Arts Centre The Robin Hood £12 / £15, 7.30pm - 9.10pm Free, 8pm Rigbee Deep: Back to Basics The Maze Monday 07/12 Back To Basics £5, 9pm - 3am Dubheart ft MC Tenja, Jah Bundy Liars Club Presents If you’ve lived in Nottingham for more and I-dread, The Highness MCs The Bodega than a couple of months and haven’t £8, 9pm solely limited your nights out to Oceana I’m Not From London With Ariel Pink. then you will have heard of Nottingham’s The Malt Cross Free, 8pm-1am established DJ collective, Rigbee Deep. A Spaceships are Cool, We Show Up Tuesday 08/12 committed crew consisting of Jah Bundy On Radar, Red Shoe Diaries, Owain (reggae/ska), Minister Hill (funk/soul), Dead Confederate The Bodega Nowhere Common (hip-hop) and I-Dread The Joe Strange Band £6, 8pm (reggae dub), they are all about positive The Approach vibes, unity, having a good time and Free, 8pm getting folk to cut some rug as often as Propagandhi Rock City possible. Wednesday 13’s Gunfire 76 £13, 7.30pm The Rescue Rooms Plus Protest the Hero and £12, 6.30pm With previous residencies at Wax, The Strike Anywhere. Loft, The Golden Fleece, Blueprint and plus very special guests Bullets and Octane Pure Filth they are currently at the Alley Richie Muir Café and bringing you lucky people The Approach DJ Chef and Kutz Back to Basics: a monthly sound system Free, 8pm night at the Maze. The night is all The Bodega £6, 10pm about Jamaican-inspired, music from the Natalie Imbruglia with Senate, Yoshi and Sik Note ska shuffle era, through rocksteady and roots reggae to early dancehall combined with a laid-back ethos The Rescue Rooms £12.50, 7pm and skills behind the decks. Modfathers The Lion Inn Back to Basics is also hoping - culinary skills permitting - to serve tea and Jamaican cuisine from December Free, 7pm Wednesday 09/12 and after borrowing bits of equipment from the mighty Highness Sound System back in the early days of Rigbee Deep, they’re now making maximum use of a 3.5k rig (i.e. a bleddy massive sound system that will Monster Magnet Tenek shake you from your toes to the tips of your hair). Rock City The Bodega £15, 6.30pm 7pm Jah Bundy and I-Dread are the resident DJs, with each month showcasing a guest selector or two and Highness Plus Karma To Burn and Lions Plus Louis Gordon, Lost Controllers, emcees Raffiki, Doktah and Baron D providing vocal accompaniment. Not hard to see why they have already DJ set from N.S.J. been picks of the week in The Guardian’s Guide listings on two occasions already. Naive New Beaters Stealth Richie Muir £5, 10.15pm The Approach December guests include Dubheart, a Bournemouth-based roots reggae band who are club and festival Free, 8pm favourites. Shine up your dancing shoes and be prepared to shake it. Back To Basics, Saturday 5 December, The Maze, 257 Mansfield Road, 9pm - 3am, £5 Symphony Cult and Moscow themazerocks.com The Maze £5, 8pm

www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32leftlion.co.uk/issue32 2325 event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Wednesday 09/12 Friday 11/12

Dreadzone Zoey Van Goey

The Rescue Rooms The Bodega To Die For £12.50, 7.30pm £7.50, 8pm With support from Jim Lockey and Fanboys and girls of Nottingham: rejoice! Shed Seven the Setting Sun. Rock City Having serviced many a fans’ need for horror, sci-fi and fantasy TV £16.50, 7pm Wholesome Fish and movie memorabilia over the last five years through mail order, The The Robin Hood Monster Store have opened a shop on Derby Road for all to peruse at Thursday 10/12 Free, 9pm leisure. The shop has a never-ending, ever-changing line of stock that mere comic shops alone cannot bring to this fair city. It also seems that The Legendary Dolly Disco The Cinematics these might be the guys to go to if you have any burning questions about Moog The Bodega Free, 8pm - 2am films that Google can’t answer. £5, 8pm The Monster Store’s passion for all things horror/sci-fi/fantasy is Sould You-V-Me apparent by the huge range of screen-used movie props, replica Deux Seven props, toys, kits, t-shirts, posters and pretty much anything else £tbc, 8pm 8pm movie-related you can think of. Ever fancied owning a manhole cover Plus The Souvenirs and Sirty Tux. from Gotham City that Christian Bale may have trodden on during Roy De Wired filming? A feathered quill used on the set of Harry Potter? Or maybe The Approach Free Control Free, 8pm you’re the generous type and would like to gift a loved one with a Wonka The Golden Fleece Bar from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or a replica Fight Club bar of Free, 8pm Hackenbush soap? Yep, pick a film and there’s a good chance they’ll have (or be able The Lion Inn to get their hands on) something from that film for you. Lily Allen Free, 7pm Trent FM Arena Nottingham The shop was opened in October in true style by none other than the heavy-breather himself, Dave Prowse, a.k.a. £23, 7pm Rigbee Deep Darth Vader - oh, and a few Stormtroopers and Imperial Officers for good measure. In the shop’s short lifespan it The Alley Cafe Jazz Club has also had guests in the shapes of Pinhead, Butterball and Chatterer from the Hellraiser films for the Halloween Free, 8:30pm - 1am The Alley Cafe weekend. Clearly they’re not messing about - and it’ll be worth keeping your eyes peeled to see who they’ll be With Minister Hill, Nowhere Free, 8.30pm - 1am bringing to Nottingham in the future. Common and Jah Bunndy. The Monster Store, 110 Derby Road, Nottingham, NG1 5FB. Tel: 0115 950 50 55 Joglaresa - ‘Four Thousand A Funeral Party 2 themonsterstore.co.uk Winters’ The Central Lakeside Arts Centre Luxury Stranger, The Amber Herd, £9 / £12, 7.30pm In Isolation Saturday 12/12 Saturday 12/12 Monday 14/12 Led Bib Glenn Tilbrook The Joe Strange Band The Magic Numbers Flux Sessions Bonington Theatre The Rescue Rooms The Approach The Bodega Muse £5 / £8 / £10, 8pm £15, 7pm Free, 8pm £10, 8pm £5, 8pm Phaelah, Hyetal, Swarms, The Dive Does The Big One! Reprogression launch night! B and J Presents Elementz, Coltrane Soul and The Market Bar The Loft The Old Angel Tuesday 15/12 Saulya. £3, 9pm Free, 10pm - late £4, 8pm - late An Audience with Carl Froch Taken By The Tide, Sleaford Mods, Rubber Room The Approach Set Your Goals Wild Wood Tusken Coalition, Lotus, Johnny The Maze £10, 7pm The Rescue Rooms Southbank Bar Crump (DJ), Kworyl, Hosted By £3, 10pm £10, 6.30pm Free, 7pm Duke01 (Papa La Bas) Beak Rock City in the 90s club night Stealth Alestorm Abba - The Show Airborne Rock City £11, 7.30pm Rock City Trent FM Arena Nottingham The Lion Inn £3, 10pm £11, 7pm £35, 7pm Free, 7pm Plus The Rotted & Edens Curse Wednesday 16/12 Saturday 12/12 Becky Syson Deux Cold light of Dat Richie Muir The Herb Birds 8pm The Johnson Arms The Approach The Robin Hood Free, 8pm Free, 8pm Free, 9pm All In The Same Gang - Xmas Bad Manners Blow Out The Rescue Rooms The Old Angel £15, 7.30pm 7pm - 1am Plus Max Sploge and Hit The Roof The Rude Girls Ghoul Garden The Loft: it’s back. The Maze UB40 £3.50, 9pm Trent FM Arena Nottingham The new team behind this impressive £32.50, 7pm wooden beamed space are none other Bizarre Festival 2009 Plus Eddy Grant. than the chaps behind Blueprint (the Seven recently closed club of legendary 7.30pm Thursday 17/12 underground status) and with The Death Notes, Trioxin Cherry, fifteen years of experience in events Satnam Tash, Zadkiel, The Double Jumpers for Goalposts organisation, hospitality and the arts Entendres, Company Contrary The Alley Cafe they’re planning on keeping the doors Free, 8.30 - 1am open for a long time. Skin The opening weekend was rammed Rock City Chain Reaction - A Celebration to the rafters with live art, circus £15, 7pm of The Crusaders performers, magicians, VJs and, Bonington Theatre of course, some of Nottingham’s Sunday 13/12 £5 - £10, 8pm most popular DJs and bands. Rod Mason (saxes), Kevin Missed it? Not to worry, this The Establishment Holborough (trombone), Andy wasn’t a one-off event - The Loft Southbank Bar Chollerton (keyboards), Jez Platt will be actively supporting and Free, 7pm (guitar), Ben Crosland (bass) and showcasing Nottingham’s culture Mark Fletcher (drums). and arts scene by regularly making Deeper Reaper The Return of Tom Warner space available for artists, producers, The Robin Hood Free, 8.30pm The Market Bar VJs and DJs. £3, 9pm

The Find / Hubris / Zadkiel As the owner hails from South Africa, The Loft will also be bringing a little slice of Bok-town to Nottingham in The Golden Fleece Soulsavers feat Mark Lanegan the form of the food that’s available. The menu will include a traditional English Sunday roast, as well as a weekly Free, 8pm The Rescue Rooms menu that will have traditional British fare and South African soul food on offer. With the promise of seasonal, and £12.50, 7.30pm predominantly organic, locally sourced ingredients and fair trade products, the food sounds like it will be more The Franchise than tasty and morally conscious to boot. The Central Jungle Bells £4, 7.30pm The Maze For all you apple lovers out there, the bar not only stocks your usual ales, lagers, spirits and wines but will primarily The Franchise, The Kingship £3, 9pm be a cider bar with a choice of five well known traditional and draught ciders as well as local guest ciders and and Spitfish. organic, fair trade and vegan wines. Oh, and for the more refined drinker, a selection of tasty cocktails. Deaf Havana Folkus Presents Rock City So, if you fancy a drink, a dance, a bite to eat and like to be cultured at the same time without much effort, pop up The Maze £6, 7pm and check it out. And if you want to get involved, get in touch with [email protected] for music, performance £3, 8pm Plus The Scarlet Desire and entertainment or [email protected] for art and sculpture. They’re ready to facilitate, develop and display... Drag The River Marilyn Manson Rock City Trent FM Arena Nottingham The Loft, 217 Mansfield Road NG1 3FS £10, 7.30pm £26, 6.30pm theloftbar.net Plus Chris Wollard and The Ship Thieves

24 leftlion.co.uk/issue32 nottingham event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Friday 18/12 Saturday 19/12 The Dizzy Club Your Demise Detonate The Robin Hood Rock City Free, 9pm £8, 6.30pm Pondering over the myriad options on how to see Plus The Eyes of a Traitor, This is out the decade with a bang this year? Unsure that I’m Not From Brooklyn Colour and Brutality will Prevail. what’s currently on offer will satisfy your cravings Speak Easy for a multi-genre sonic assault? Stop dithering about, £5, 7pm - 2am North Atlantic Oscillation soft lad (or lass) - the mighty Detonate are pulling Stealth out all the stops once again for a post-solstice Roy De Wired £5, 10.15pm mash-down. The Approach Free, 8pm Sunday 20/12 As was the case at last years sell-out event, Countdown 2009 will be taking over The Rescue Buzzard and The Stumble Bros Babyshambles Rooms, Stealth and Rock City. And once again The Lion Inn Rock City Free, 7pm they’re coming team-handed - with an array of £22, 7.30pm established promoters who will be filling every Hardcore Rapture’s First room, every nook and every cranny with the heady tang of Partay. Need names? Try Hospitality, Dollop, Wigflex, The Modfathers Christmas Basslaced, Tomb Crew and Rubberdub, for starters, all representing their respective grooves of choice. Southbank Bar Snug Free, 7pm £8, 10pm - 6am Drum and bass-wise, the king of the upfront scene Andy C and new-skooler Breakage will be representing, whilst High Contrast, Logistics and Cyantific will all be selecting for the Hospital records camp. Radio One will be in the Status Quo Revolution Sounds Trent FM Arena Nottingham house in the shape of Annie Mac and Fabio, while dubstep aficianados will not be disappointed with the presence The Maze £31.50, 7.30pm of Caspa and Shackleton (whose ever intricate deep basslines are the signature of the impressive output of his £5 for charity, 8pm Skull Disco label). Babar Luck, Squab, Jonny One Martha Rose Lung, Liam O’Kane, Gecko, Perkie The Robin Hood Award-winning beatboxer Beardyman, The Scratch Perverts (prizes for guessing how many decks they choose and Joe Slater. Free, 8pm to display their skills on) and Ramadanman will be in the area, and - as per usual with a Detonate shindig - the list of talented artists at the top of their game is way too long to list here, and it goes without saying that the Funktion Saturday 19/12 Doledrum Xmas Party One sound systems will be blasting Christmas cards off shelves as far afield as the Meadows. Miss and get dissed, The Maze as we used to say back in the day.. Goldie Lookin’ Chain £4, 8pm The Rescue Rooms Detonate, Countdown 2009 takes place at Stealth, Rescue Rooms and Rock City on 31 December, 8.30pm - 6am. £12, 7pm Monday 21/12 Limited tickets at £26 are now available.

Shades of Blue Acoustickle detonate1.co.uk The Robin Hood The Maze Free, 9.30pm £3, 8pm Saturday 26/12 Thursday 31/12 Thursday 31/12 Steve McGill Southbank Bar Wednesday 23/12 Boxing Day Live Open Mic NYE Black Tie Ball Basement Boogaloo NYE Free, 7pm The Lion Inn Southbank Bar The Maze Notts in a Nutshell Free, 7pm £15, 7pm £1, 8pm - late Christmas In Notts The Maze Muse £3, 8pm Count Down £3, 9 pm - Late Thursday 31/12 Rock City Saturday 02/01 Charlee Brown, Afro Blue, Lethargy £20, 8pm Thursday 24/12 New Year @ The Robin Hood The Soul Ska Shakedown and Hurst, Solitare, Still Motion New Year’s Eve Party The Robin Hood The Golden Fleece and Supreme. Richie Muir £5, 9pm Free, 8pm Southbank Bar NYE Spacehopper The Bodega Free, 7pm Ronnie Londons Groove Lounge The Lion Inn £4, 8pm Grosvenor Thursday 07/01 Free, 7pm The Pop Confessional vs Liars Club Arboretum Records Christmas £10, 8pm - 2am UDO Extravaganza Smokescreen New Years Eve The Rescue Rooms The Alley Cafe Percussion NYE Party The Maze The Johnson Arms £15, 7pm Free, 8.30pm - 12.30am The Golden Fleece £5, 9pm 8pm £3, 9pm - 3.30am

leftlion.co.uk/issue32 25 event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Thursday 07/01 Sunday 17/01 Kevin Montgomery Twenty Twenty KiosKiosk The Maze Rock City LeftLion – and the cream of the NottsLit scene – wedge themselves £12, 7.30pm £5.50, 7.30pm into a booth this December Plus Kaci Bolls. Tuesday 19/01 KiosKiosk is the brainchild of Wayne and Gerardine Hemingway and was Boo Hewerdine created to help out creative businesses struggling to find affordable retail Nottingham Playhouse Jamie T space in prominent locations. As the creative industries sector is now worth £10, 8pm Rock City £62 billion and is the UK’s second most valuable industry, it’s good to see that a £15, 7.30pm fashion designer with quirky glasses has more practical solutions for leading us Kevin Montgomery with Cold Ones The Maze out of the recession than ‘quantitative easing’. Although opposite the Thurland £14adv, 7.30pm may not quite be the ‘prominent location’ Hemingway envisaged, local Thursday 21/01 entrepreneurs have redeemed themselves by coming up with more inventive uses for the kiosk than selling ripped off footy shirts and dodgy DVDs. Saturday 09/01 Anais Mitchell and Erin Publish NG is one such collaboration which will see a band of local publishers (including us at the mighty Lion) McKeown running the kiosk for three days. So if you can’t figure out what to buy your girlfriend for Christmas or simply want Souled Up The Maze to shelter from the wind, pop in and say hello. You are not obliged to buy anything but they request that you post The Robin Hood £10, 7.30pm Free, 9pm one sentence into their ‘fiction tombola’ which they will then piece together to create a multi-authored story. Jumpers for Goalposts City of Fire Tuesday 8 December - The Alley Cafe Rock City AM - Nottingham Writers Studio - Support and networking for published and aspiring local writers. Meet Free, 8.30pm - 1am £10, 7pm coordinator Aly Stoneman and published members from the Studio. PM - Weathervane Press - Meet publisher Ian Collinson from 1pm. Recently published local authors Marty Ross Future of the Left (Aztec Love Song) and Steven Wilcoxson (Make Less Strangers) will be there from 2pm to discuss their work and Friday 15/01 The Bodega £9, 7pm sign copies of their books. Treebeard The Robin Hood Evile Wednesday 9 December Free, 9pm Rock City AM - Candlestick Press - Meet the brains behind the innovative Instead of a Card series, Jenny Swann, and stock £10, 7pm up on Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy’s selection The Twelve Poems of Christmas. Ghoul Garden PM - LeftLion – Pop into our literary confessional and bring the worst books you’ve read, or tell Nottingham’s ‘Mr The Maze Friday 22/01 Sex’ why you thought it was appropriate to sleep with your best mate’s sister last time you got hammered at Yates. £3, 10pm Pressure Drop Thursday 10 December: Rubber Room The Robin Hood AM - Staple Magazine – Meet Editor Wayne Burrows and learn more about this Literature and Arts magazine The Maze Free, 9pm produced in Sneinton, now receiving national acclaim. £3, 10pm PM - Pewter Rose Press – Meet short stories publisher Anne McDonnell and various authors throughout the Saturday 23/01 afternoon Saturday 16/01 kioskiosk.co.uk Matthew Wadsworth and Beggars Belief Carolyn Sampson The Robin Hood Lakeside Arts Centre Free, 9pm Thursday 28/01 Friday 29/01 Saturday 30/01 £9 / £12, 7.30pm Farmyard Records Iglu and Hartly Xufei Yang and Natalie Clein Keep It Cash The Alley Cafe The Bodega Lakeside Arts Centre The Maze Wednesday 27/01 Free, 6pm - 1am £8, 7pm £9 / £12, 7.30pm - 9pm £10adv, 8pm Hardcore Superstar Rock City Friday 29/01 Twin Atlantic Emilie Autumn £12, 7pm Rock City Rock City £6, 7pm £12.50, 7pm The Rides The Robin Hood Free, 9pm new year’s eve

F Free shotslavoured going round all 2009! night! early bird tickets £5 // on the door £10 // Fancy dress £5 on door + Free drink taking you into 2010 - Weekend resident dJs tom Freeman & tony global tussle it out on 4 decks // 2 laptops // visuals including 12 0’clock countdoWn

Dogma, 9 byard lane, The Lace Market, Nottingham. NG1 2GJ For more info: 0115 988 6830 // [email protected] // dogma nottingham facebook nottingham event listings... for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

Theatre Exhibitions Tuesday 01/12 Tuesday 01/12 Lakeside Jack and The Beanstalk Pork Knocker Dreams recent Pond life has never been so cultured Royal Centre work by Donald Locke £4 - £21, Various New Art Exchange In an issue dedicated to what’s happened in Nottingham Runs until: 17/01 Free, All day during the noughties, it would be remiss of us not to mention Runs until: 20/12 Lakeside Arts Centre, one of the big cultural successes of Cinderella the last decade. Lakeside came into being in 2001, when Nottingham Arts Theatre Emigration the University of Nottingham took its already existing art £10 / £12, 7.30pm plus mats New Art Exchange gallery and recital hall, spruced them up, built a brand new Runs until: 13/12 Free, All day Runs until: 05/12 performance venue over the road and tied all three together under one banner. The centre’s been steadily raising the bar Sunday 06/12 Geoff Diego Litherland in both quality and output ever since, creating a series of Nottingham Castle annual events like the International Children’s Theatre and Oliver Samuels in Common- Runs until: 10/01 Dance Festival, high-end contemporary craft market Lustre photo: Martine Hamilton Knight Law! and the Chinese New Year firework spectacular over the lake. Royal Centre No Visible Means of Escape £25, 7.30pm Nottingham Castle For those who get their cultural kicks solely within an NG1 postcode it may seem a bit of a trek, but anyone braving Runs until: 10/01 the fifteen minute bus ride out of town will find it’s well worth the trip - Lakeside’s strength is the huge spread of Monday 07/12 artistic treats to be found there. The three different galleries show everything from up-and-coming local artists to Pardhan Gond massively famous international ones, and there’s a whole section dedicated to showing off the contents of the the Little Red Riding Hood New Art Exchange University’s seriously impressive archives. Lace Market Theatre Free, all day £6 - £9, various times Runs until: 19/12 Theatre-wise you can see (sometimes all in the same week) classical drama, stand-up comedy, experimental Runs until: 12/12 performance, cutting-edge dance and the kind of children’s shows which have more imagination in a single scene InSPIREtion21 than a lot of grown-up theatres manage in a whole season. Musically the venue is known amongst aficionados for Tuesday 08/12 D.H. Lawrence Heritage Free, 10am - 4pm putting on the best classical, jazz and world music concerts in a very wide radius. Runs until: 20/12 Home Come The Girls You’d be hard pressed to find an arts centre with a prettier view, either. Set in the middle of Highfields Park Royal Centre (bequeathed to the citizenry by drugstore cowboy Jesse Boot) and, as the name suggests, sat just at the side of a £25 - £40, 7.45pm Sam Dargan - More Work For The Undertaker boating lake, it’s the kind of place where you can see a couple of exhibitions, take a stroll round the park, grab a bite The Wasp Room to eat, see a show and be back in civilisation in time for last orders. In other words, perfect day-out material. Tuesday 15/12 Free, Thu - Sun, 1pm - 6pm Runs until: 06/12 Lakeside Arts Centre, University Park, NG7 2RD. 0115 846777 lakesidearts.org.uk The Burma Play, A Comedy of Terror Bar Vug Gum Nottingham Arts Theatre Moot Saturday 05/12 Saturday 16/01 Tuesday 15/12 Free, 7pm - 9pm Free, Thurs - Sat 12pm - 6pm / Sun 12pm - 4pm Postcard Show 2009 New Photography: Pavillion Russell Howard Wednesday 16/12 Runs until: 13/12 Surface Gallery Commissions Trent FM Arena Nottingham Free Lakeside Arts Centre £20, 8pm The Little Mermaid David Hockney Runs until: 18/12 Free, 11am-5pm Nottingham Playhouse Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 28/02 Funhouse Comedy £4.50 - £7, various times Free, All day / closed Mondays Friday 11/12 Maze Runs until: 02/01 Runs until: 24/01 Meaning of Style £5, 8pm New Art Exchange Gladstone - The Grand Old Man Frances Stark Free, All day In Nottinghamshire Monday 18/01 Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 04/04 Wednesday 16/12 Lakeside Arts Centre Free, All day / closed Mondays Free, 11am - 4pm Speak Easy The Accrington Pals Runs until: 24/01 Lace Market Theatre Runs until: 21/03 Saturday 23/01 Alley Cafe Free, 8.30pm - 12.30am £6 - £9, Various De Profundis Open Exhibition Runs until: 23/01 Surface Gallery Saturday 12/12 Nottingham Castle Runs until: 07/12 Runs until: 07/03 Sunday 20/12 Monday 25/01 Transition Market Launch 15 Years of Philip Watts Design Sneinton Market Just The Tonic Moscow City Ballet Nottingham Trent University Free, 11am - 1pm Comedy Approach Royal Centre Runs until: 09/12 Tuesday 01/12 £6.50 / £8.50, 7.15pm £11 - £31, various times Jim Tavare, Somin Bligh and Darrel Sunday 13/12 Martin. Runs until: 30/01 Quiet Revolution Jimmy Carr Lakeside Arts Centre TV Puppet Making Workshop Royal Centre Free Entry, 11am - 5pm Tuesday 26/01 Rufford Country Park £22.50, 8pm Monday 21/12 Runs until: 17/01 10am - 4pm Just The Tonic - Jonny Vegas Strictly Come Dancing Live Xeno5 - Debut Show Wednesday 02/12 Trent FM Arena Nottingham Royal Centre Shop Saturday 09/01 £20, 7.30pm £35 - £55, 7.30pm Free, 7pm Comix Runs until: 28/01 Runs until: 14/12 Hui-Chen (Annie) Lin Seven Lakeside Arts Centre £3 / £4, 8.30pm - 10.30pm Wednesday 30/12 Free, all day Isy Suttie and Joe Lycett Runs until: 21/02 Ken Dodd Royal Centre Sunday 06/12 £15.50 - £18.50, 7pm

Never Mind The Bolanos Just The Tonic The Castle gets all Latino Approach Thursday 31/12 £12, 7.15pm Geoff Diego Litherland, a Mexican-born artist based in Pat Monahan and Darrell Martin Just The Tonic NYE Nottingham, has exhibiting his work on both our fair isle plus more tbc. Approach and international soil, to much acclaim. His latest offering, £23.50, 7.15pm Ivan Brackenbury, Henning When, Conjuntos, is being displayed at Nottingham Castle until Monday 07/12 Seann Walsh and Darrell Martin. Sunday 10 January. Just The Tonic To date, he has been selected for the John Moores 25 Approach Wednesday 20/01 Painting prize at the Walker Gallery in Liverpool and won £tbc, 7.15pm the 2008 Nottingham Castle Open, an open exhibition held Big Value Auditions. Speak Easy annually to give recognition to local artists. His works are Alley Cafe Free, 8.30pm - 12.30am heavily inspired by his Latin American homelands and the Sunday 13/12 labyrinthine fiction his culture produces. Just The Tonic Friday 29/01 The rough translation of ‘conjuntos’ is ‘sets’ and the Approach inspiration behind the layout of the exhibition is the £8.50, 7.15pm Tim Vine structure and forms of Latin American literature. Roberto Phil Kay, Zoe Lyons and Darrell Nottingham Playhouse Bolano’s, in particular - a Chilean novelist whose often Martin. £16, 8pm fragmented writing ideas refused to follow convention. Conjuntos is a thoughtful, interesting, and fractured display Monday 14/12 Saturday 30/01 that brings life to the Castle staircase. It’s also worth keeping an eye out for the cool little bowls filled with paint. Just The Tonic Richard Herring ’Hitler Approach Moustache’ (Mr Pink, oil on canvas, 43cm x 43cm, 2009) £tbc, 7.15pm Nottingham Playhouse Big Value Auditions £12.50, 8pm Conjuntos, Nottingham Castle, Saturday, 31 October 2009 - Sunday, 10 January 2010

GeoffLitherland.info leftlion.co.uk/issue32 27 We love a good bit of snap here at LeftLion. So, as a brand new words: Jared Wilson, Beane and Alison Emm regular feature, we’ve decided to give you a run down of some of our favourite local eateries. Chez Coors The Golden Fleece Scruffy’s Jamaican culinary treats Pub food done brilliantly Back and dressed down as ever

Sometimes you might The Fleece has a well It was a sad day in really fancy going out established reputa- Notts when long- for a steak, or a curry tion for providing standing restaurant, or maybe even a posh great nosh, as shown Scruffy’s shut down pizza. But it’s rare by them scooping the earlier this year. (for me at least) to Best Bar Food category Thankfully, new own- think to myself ‘Ooh, I at the Nottingham Bar ers have swept in and really fancy some jerk Awards for the last brought it back to life. chicken and salt fish three years running. The Derby Road venue with rice and peas.’ But what is it that is now open and there Frankly this is a pity, makes their menu are imminent plans for because it’s by visiting places like Chez Coors on Mansfield stand head and shoulders above other pubs in town? Well, the The Lace Market restaurant to re-open too. road that you can really open up your taste-buds to a whole the fact that they have two full-time experienced chefs using new world of flavours. a wide range of freshly and locally sourced ingredients is an We began by filling our faces with starters of lemon and obvious place to start - you certainly won’t find anything in the ginger chicken skewers in tomato sauce (£4) and the cured For starters we tried the soup of the day (£2), which was a way of microwave dishes here. meat platter of pastrami, salami and serrano ham (£4). The mutton and red peas combo served with festival dumplings chicken was tender but the marinade’s flavour wasn’t as (£1) and fried plantain (£1). It was creamy and warming – but For our main course we had the breast of chicken stuffed with obvious as you might expect. Don’t be fooled by our selection though a second helping was offered, we decided to give it a chorizo and goats cheese (£7.95) and the 1/2lb lamb burger though, the range of starters available is, refreshingly, miss for fear of filling our stomachs prematurely. (£6.95). The chicken was delicious, arriving on our plate on a vegetarian orientated with five of the seven dishes being bed of spinach mash with red wine gravy, which meat-free. For mains we tried a range of dishes tapas-style, including; the complimented the existing flavours, without tangy escovietch fish seved with pickled vegetables, ackee overpowering them. The lamb burger came with a bowl of Onto the mains: a risotto of wild mushrooms and spring onion and salt fish sautéed in onion and peppers, curry mutton homemade wedges and salad and tasted way better than the with parmesan shavings (£8.50) and sirloin steak with sauté marinated in a range of spices, brown stewed chicken usual chain pub fodder. potatoes, green beans and creamy pepper sauce (£11.50). The pan-seared with vegetables in a light brown sauce and jerk risotto was perfectly moist and they didn’t scrimp on the best hhicken bathed in Chez’s own seasoning. All of these were Their dessert menu might look fairly sparse, with only two bit, the mushrooms. The medium-rare sirloin steak was done absolutely delicious (we were particularly partial to the salt options, but the dishes themselves are rich in flavour. We tried perfectly - not too rare and not too medium - a true art we are fish) and available at £4.50 each. Four or five plates between a bit of both Steve’s scrumptious sticky toffee pudding (£3.50) asured. two of you guarantees a good feed and by adding a little bit of and Mike’s marvellous cheesecake (£3.50) - a the Jamaican hot sauce (provided on every table) you can turn specialist dessert from each chef. Both were extremely Unfortunately, for those that remember the old Scruffy’s, the up the heat according to taste – though unless you’re moreish, but the cheesecake just edged it, being perfectly light dessert menu was lacking the daddy of all puddings – the Superman go easy as the scotch bonnet peppers can be fiery with just the right amount of Baileys to showcase the flavour, Dime bar cheesecake. Never mind; on with the new, which for as a comet. without it taking over. us was gooey chocolate tart and baked vanilla cheesecake… Mmmm. We got our spoon well and truly stuck into both If you’d rather try a bit of absolutely everything then get But as far as their whole menu goes, this is just the tip of the deserts and just couldn’t help ourselves. The chocolate tart involved in their buffet menu which is £16 in the evenings iceberg. They do three all-day breakfast dishes, seven light- was rich and thick, without being overly sweet and capable of and £8.99 at lunch (£9.99 on Sundays) – there’s even a special lunch bites, a range of sandwiches and posh burgers and six melting away any bad mood. The baked cheesecake was light Christmas one for December. They don’t sell alcohol, but you mains – as well as daily specials. Their Sunday Roasts are and creamy and tinged can bring your own from the stuff of legend with just the right the plethora of corner and usually sell out amount of vanilla. shops nearby - a can or way before the end of two of Red Stripe is the service, so if you want The menu is obvious choice! Or, if in, get there early. seasonally picked and, you’re driving then you There’s also a brand although perhaps not can choose from a range new Christmas menu, as extensive as before, of Jamaican soft drinks with two courses for it has a wide enough and homemade punches. £14.50 and three for choice for most £16.50. palettes and it is still The whole place is a early days. They have visual feast too and from the yellow décor, to the friendly staff Basically, this is res- the essential Sunday and the colourful layouts of the dishes, you get a real sense of taurant-quality food served in a friendly pub setting. It might menu that includes a roast and a full English served until 3pm dining in a bright, happy family run environment. not be the best place to choose for the missus for that romantic - perfect for those prone to sleeping in after a heady Saturday anniversary meal as most of the time you will be aware of night. With reasonable prices and ultra-friendly staff, Scruffy’s If you get sick of turkey and stuffing this Christmas then this other customers around you. But if you and some mates want is not only catering to the younger Nottingham clientele but is a great place to check out. It’s light on your pocket, filling on top quality food and a pint this Christmas, then you won’t get anyone who enjoys a relaxed evening out. your stomach and quite a lot of fun. Yeahman! fleeced by eating here. Price range: Two courses and drinks for around £16 per per- Price range: £15-20 per head, depending on your appetite. Price range: Two courses and drinks for around £15 per person. Serving times: Mon - Fri 5pm - late and 12pm - late on Sat Serving times: Lunch: Tue-Fri 12-3pm, Early bird menu: Tue-Fri son. Serving times: Mon-Sat 12-8pm and 12-5pm on Sunday. and Sun. 3.30-6.30pm, Sunday buffet: 12-6pm, Evenings: Tues-Sat 6.30- 10pm. 105 Mansfield Road, NG1 3FN, 0115 947 2843 198 Derby Road, NG7 1NQ, 0115 947 0471

127 Mansfield Road, NG1 3FN, 0115 979 9090 Read the full menu online at leftlion.co.uk/the-golden-fleece Read the full menu online at chezcoors.com. Beane Noodler of MyHouse-YourHouse begins his quest to eat at every takeaway in Nottingham…

Lace Market Fish Shop Antalya Takeaway

While Notts has enough kebab houses to fill Noah’s Ark twice The middle of town may not be a pretty sight come sunset, over, there’s a distinct lack of chippies. That’s why we need to but there are certain places of refuge. Don’t get confused with cherish The Lacey. For one, it actually looks like a chippy, rather the restaurant next door under the same name – we’re strictly than some dirty doner house; white-tiled walls, the smell of vin- concentrating on the dirty stuff here. Few restaurants have the egar, wooden forks all over the floor and a massive counter filled kahunas to open up a kebab house under the same name, and with fried battered gear. The menu doesn’t muck about either – we have a chicken-and-egg situation here as I’m not sure what there’s even those dirty long pink pork things called saveloys, so came first. you know it’s proper. Genuine authenticity coupled with utter filth in spades, Antalya is renowned for its infamous ‘Turk- The most impressive thing, though, is the size of the fish. Where they get them from must be a ish Pizza’ - a pitta smeared in unknown meat spread, coupled with salad and rolled up like a cigar. closely guarded secret, as I’ve yet to see aquatic battered creatures this huge - many have defeated With thousands of calories in difference to its older brother, the doner, it’s practically Blumenthalian even me, and have had to be set free into the nearest bin, partially eaten. Nottingham needs its in its creativity and something the size-zero skinny jeans crew can handle. Are there better kebab late night Omega 3, and this may well be the nearest some of us will ever get to a coastline. shops about? Yes. Can you be bothered to walk to them? No. Load up, take a stool at the window, 3 Stoney Street, NG1 2EQ and witness the delights of Upper Parliament Street at kicking-out time. 54 Upper Parliament Street, NG1 2AG 28 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 14 track CD album in stores now “The system that meets the wants of the few by denying the needs of the majority is in its twilight years” www.dealmakerrecords.com Capricorn (December 23 - January 19) Merry Christmash to all of our readers! But before you begin to celebrate too hard, remember that Santa is in fact an anagram of Satan. So while you’re fooling the kids with glasses of brandy and carrots for the reindeer, Beelzebub himself may be coming down your chimney to burn your soul.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19) A tip for all you Aquarian drum and bass emcees out there: you can avoid having to constantly ask ‘know what I’m sayin?’ and ‘do you hear me now?’ in your lyrics, by turning down the noisy music behind you and speaking to your listeners more clearly in the first place.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20) Is your dog’s urine burning the lawn? Yellow spots on grass are normally caused by canines passing fluids. Nitrogen waste products are the result of protein breakdown through normal bodily processes, therefore the nitrogen in the urine causes the lawn spots. There’s a simple solution to this though: kill the dog. LEFTLION ABROAD Aries (March 21 - April 20) Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York City, USA. You are connected to other people in far more ways than you can comprehend in everyday reality. Your friends are your conscience and they are part of you, but even people you haven’t met yet Coney Island is a peninsula in southernmost Brooklyn, New York, which has penetrated popular showcase aspects of your life on their shoulders. We are all one. culture more heavily than most places of it’s size. It was the setting for Hubert Selby Junior’s novel Requiem for a Dream and Sol Yurick’s The Warriors, both of which were later turned into Taurus (April 21 - May 21) cult movies. More recently scenes from Seinfeld, The Sopranos, Cloverfield and He Got Game were shot there. Probably most impressive of all, however, is that the likes of Lou Reed, Aerosmith, Tom A number of amazing breakthroughs will be made this month in the field of psilocybin and Waits, Mercury Rev, Velvet Underground, Fun Lovin’ Criminals, Death Cab For Cutie and Curtis psilocin, which could change the consciousness of our nation forever. Unfortunately, researchers Eller have all named songs or albums after the place. Countless other musicians, artists, writers will be laughing and partying way too hard to officially announce them. and creative types have been inspired there too!

Gemini (May 22 - June 22) Photo sent in by Rob and Kirsty Bradshaw. If you can get a photo of a LeftLion sticker or A traveller about to set out on a journey asks his dog sharply: “Why do you stand there gaping? magazine somewhere exotic email us on [email protected]. Everything is ready except for you, so come with me instantly.” The Dog, wagging his tail, replied: “Oh, master! I am quite ready; it is you for whom I am waiting.” Dogs are dicks.

Cancer (June 23 - July 23) You’re prepared to go to any length to get your innocence back. This is honourable and understandable, but you will be surprised to find this month that what remains of it will actually require you to go to any depth with a big spade. Keep digging until you hit rock.

Leo (July 24 - August 23) According to Confucious, to be able under all circumstances to practice five things constitutes perfect virtue; these five things are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness and kindness. Don’t bother practicing the trumpet any more though.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) You’ve managed to overcome a lot in order to get to where you are in your career, not least all of your hopes, aspirations and dreams. Just beware, however, that doing well at work is only going to get you so far in this life. Deep down chicks don’t really dig accounts managers. You can always use prostitutes, though.

Libra (September 24 - October 23) Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle is sweet and understandable. You’ve always been one to follow tradition, but beware that it may seem odd to some, especially considering the two of you are only going to the supermarket.

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) With a bit of cunning and guile you can save a fortune on expensive washing machines and laundry bills. Just give all your dirty shirts to your local Oxfam shop. They will wash and iron them and then you can buy them all back for fifty pence each.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22) Keep all prescription and over-the-counter drugs out of reach of your cats. Painkillers, cold medicines, anti-cancer drugs, antidepressants and anti-aircraft pills are common examples of human medication that could be potentially lethal to them even in small doses. Beware the The Forties The Noughties droogmoggies – it’s a bad look this Christmas.

The next LeftLion Magazine will be out in Nottingham venues At war with: Not too sure, really At war with: The Nazis at the end of January Blackouts caused by: Sambuca, Blackouts caused by: Air raids Ketamine, etc Powder of choice: Egg Powder of choice: Vim & Talc 2010 ready for the start (one ration stamp) (£40 a gram) Things people died for: of Spring... Things people died for: The likes of us A £600 handbag

30 www.leftlion.co.uk/issue32 ADVERT

Leftlion Magazine Issue 32 Contents December 2009 - January 2010 Editorial Ducks and Youths

Leftlion Magazine Issue 32 Contents December 2009 - January 2010 Editorial Ducks and Youths