OBSERVER Vol
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
OBSERVER Vol. 100 No. 22 April 1, 1993 Disturber 1 The Kline Omelette Bar Plague, Placebo or Provolone Riki Tat Disturber 2 Interview With “Snarf Baby” It’s only grunge if you don’t wash it Topo Gigio Madame the Gypsy Queen’s Weekly Horoscope Disturber 3 Letters Guess Who? Anonymous Everyone’s a Critic Knit Picquy I’m a Schmuck A Dumb Bard Student Contact Paper Stuart Levine Appreciations Depreciated Donald Tewksbury Disturber 4 The Page o’ Doom Statistically Speaking Cartoon Page 1 Women of Bard A multi-cultural discussion of women’s issues at Bard and beyond Anne Miller Page 2 Security Beat Car vandalism has been curbed Michael Poirier Classifieds and Personals Page 3 Bard EMS at Your Service Who they are and what they can do for you Tatiana Prowell Page 4 Tea at Leon’s Discussion of the Future of Europe Sean O’Neill News in Brief Jeana C. Breton Research Aid Continued on Next Page Page 5 Dead Goat Notes Greg Giaccio For Those Who Are Interested [response to discussion of racism] Andy Choung Page 6 With All Due Respect Matt Watkins Arbitrary Human Being Gideon Low World Happenings of the Week (Mostly Bad, as Usual) Compiled and oversimplified for the General Public Damnath De Tissera and Andrew Fowler Page 7 Fred Hammond Meet next year’s Music Department Chair Robin Kodaira Page 8 “Perfectly Neurotic” A little not pure enough and the just add water woman Sean O’Neill Page 9 Submarine Pitching? Play ball at the Tewksbury wading pool Matt Gilman Page 10 Waterlogging Matthew Apple The Biggest One (My White Self) Matt Gilman Page 11 The Bard experience Christopher Hume, ’91 Attention All Prospective Marchers BAGLE, SMACES, Coalition for Choice, The Women’s Center Page 12 Calendar Place &tt cl-.ttamp on an mvelopc. MUle out check for a mllUott bolliiDil buckL MaUlt to &a. The DRAB VOLUME 100*NUMBER 22 1/2 DRAB COLLECE;BOONIES·ON·HUDSON*NY 12504 APRIL 1*1993. f: ••we don•t care because we•re too fraggin• tired ... - Matt and Mike at 4 a.m. Outside NEWS FEATURES Bard students' response to the President's Committee on the Curriculum's proposal. This has nothing to do with the article below. Or maybe it does. Who cares? ' . The Kline Omelette Bar: . ' Why does the Kline Omelette Bar repeatedly fail Emily Glick: Okay! So! There's this... pan, life... I suppose... Yeah... to stimulate t~ "digestive ferocity" of the commu right?Okay,and then there' sthese... well they're Stuart Levine: Yes, so Sergei and I had just nity? Or more importantly, me?The following is a these eggs see, and heh heh, and okay! So! crossed the Swedish Border, and we were all compilation of interviews (in Stuart Levine: Colleges help you to choose a out of ammunition. Then Sergei said he 1W specific order) that I sud balanced· diet Otherwise, you might end up needed have a nice plate of leeks and pota denly remembered I conducted with too many ttench fries and not enough toes before the bomb in his forearm went off, after being hit in the head by a green vegetables. but I said that all my money was in rubles, blunt object. Maybe it was Jim Morrison: Male genitals are small faces. and we didn't have time to look for a bank, so sharp ... domeafavorandhitme Assurbanipal Babilla: Acr from your geni we would have to wait until we got to the harder next time ... tals. airport... what were we talking about? Shelly Morgan: No one told me about this. I Some earthy guy in khaki pants: ldon'teat Random Professor: I have many moral swear. eggs. It's murder. qualms about the concept of an "Omelette Julie Hart: Well, it would be more interesting Hosts of ''2 Hours of Intense Whiplash": Bar," including forcing students to make their if they had reptile eggs. Then we could make FUCK YOU MAN! FUO< YOU!!! own food, but I've made some of my best snake omelettes. Karen Greenberg: We'renottryingto force omelettes there. Some guy wandering aroun~ Hegeman: content Were not trying tq force content. SPORTS Max Brown: Yeah, well... eight o'clock... Mmmm... snake omelettes... We're not trying to force content... You are Kline... get there early.... catch that omelette Karen Greenberg: I don't think the problem getting veeery sleeepy .... yau are veeery happy at bar... well... yeah ... that's the way... has anything to do with the eggs that are used; this school ... veeery happy indeed ... Sarah (1 of237): I think part of the problem is it'sthepeoplewhooookthem.Peoplearedrawn Travis Bickle: You talkin' to me?You tal kin' we don't have enough time to make these to good omelettes. It's unfortunate that not all to me? Well who the hell else are you talking omelettes before some people behind you with people are enthusiastic about making them. to? an early class just starts picking their nose just Lisa Raphals: yes, the idea of 11cailOD,11 that is, The same Sarah: Yea}\ so this one guy, to annoy you. that trey not only make good cameras, but they insteadofpickinghisnose, just picked up my Sebastian {1 of ~29837): Yeah, maybe, but make excellent copying machines. omeletteoffthepanandstartedlickingitand maybethemainproblemisthat"theimportant Leon Botstein: Omelette Bar? I thought you saying "I licked it! It's mine! I licked it! It's art ofegg cuisine is reduced to a misinterpreta said Cocktail Bar... mine!" I sometimes can't deal with this place. tion still associated with using spatulas and Shelly Morgan: A bar? On this campus? I Ivy League: Well, if the conventional ideol singing The Star S7Nlngled Banner off-key." didn't know! I mean... how could you expect ogy of the algorithms of what S(Kalled Rene Desqutes: N~body gives a flying fleeb me to... "ovular theologists" claim the hypothesis of about what I think, therefore I'm dead. Max Brown: Yeah... well... I guess it's just.... continued on some page Madame the Gypsy Queen 's Week1y Horrorscope_ Aries: (Mar.21-Apr.19) Nexttimeyou wantbloodfromastone you can go stick one up your wazoo. · · Taurus: (Apr. 20-May 20) You are entitled to all the self : • . knowledge which Madame has. Frequently people will worship .: : ::fi=~~:: ~;if::~·~ti:.::.· :·:~~ w;~~~®r. i~::~~millwmilisttoo::fi©~&s;i ~ rr;rw~:t:timmrtm@u]!miwNiwtumw©n you . Any day row a rew band is going hockey stick in tre Garda man right your hair ftr so long it doo't hurt no Gemini: (May 21-June 21) Please screw a virgo this week; Ma ioburstoutbfBa!dandmakeittothe through the navel like and replaced Ira"e.lt berone self-deansing after dameknows your two-side natureisproneto such glib transactions. big time. This £earle$ GEORGE re- him with this hennapuudite alien three months, and you can keep ~: (Jun. 22-July 21) Please find something useful to do porte~' found his/ podpersc:nfromPiuto....I think it was matcresandsnacksinthereandstufL with you «"aging hormones. Maybe you1 d benefit from practical :rer way into the one c:i t:OOse ice cream dudes from GEORGE - About your ll1llSic-- jokes. secret rehearsal Vermont who did fhedeed man... where do you get the ideas lot yoor !&Q: (July 22wAug 22) You will miraculously earn over $751000 space of Snarf GEORGE- Uh, right. Wlee do songs? this year. (April Fool's} Baby,sequestered you guys keql your instnurelts? I Surot.ash-Well,Iwriteallttelyrics Vir&<>: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Congratulations! You finally got bermth the base- ~ I doo't really see them any- when I feel the need to really express sexed up! (Just kidding} ment of Tewks- wte-earoundhere- the unique and sensitive irdividua1 Libra: (Sept. 23-0ct. 23) Recently praised for being even more btny where they DaveyJcmes<notmsrealname,who thatiam.Like,whenlwasdelivering talented then Yoko Ono, you find true love is in the eyes of the ha.vebeensecretlypradicing. Due to plays the bass)- I saw th:rn fDme- furthispizzaplace,andwhenpeople near-sighted fools. thebnoisl:menature,~Babyhave where near here yesten:lay• ..no wait, askedftrardloviesl wassupposedb.J. Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) 1'Boom, Boom, Boom, let'sgo back to been 'benmd tiun actually revealing didn't we sell them for that yellow bring them a slm of I.SD. That was my room where we can do it all night." NOT! . their unkempt fatES on the actual lava-lamp that Carson keeps staring when I wrote"LysergoOn the Go." It Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) VERY good vibes are zooming in campus,buttbat'sokay---hjrhaven't at.. souros like this: on your summer job. This is no joke. seentteiMidedaclassroominover GEORGE-WtdsCarson? (The Snaif BaNes start twitching Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan.l9} Little is known about your propen two years. living off of bread and Suootash- He's that guy up there playingairguitar,eventhedrumrrer, sity to long projects, but Madame suspects Moderation will be a peanut butter their wealthier friends against the waD, the me who isn't asSurotashscremn;'1Jon'tbeaftaid/ BREEZE havebeenabletosmuggleoutdl<line, troving... 'cuz I'm your pizza and add man/I Aquarius: (Jan. 2Q-Feb 18) Little more than two days from now SnarfBabyhasbeenfinebmingtter GEORGE -Oh. I thought he was rope I doo't rome/when }UU're ro your life will find total fulfillment. grungey-reggaestyleatdarereedyto SOOle kind of day-mation sculpture the am...") Pisces: (Feb. 19-Mar. 20) Although certain people may seem aawl out ci the basement (Walldngovertohimand wavillgmy Jah-Theorelwroteiscalled "Cross obnoxious to you, they are actually just your relatives. Band letder and·singer Sonuner haOO in his fare, then pcmting my ori Through."lre lyrksare like: "fry ~ (woo hasn't seen daylight fingers at his eye;, grabbing him by toclu&/ttytoglide/crossonthrough sir£e puberty) granted me this inter- the dreadlocks and swinging him to the other side.