the a.v. club & canvas media present IT'S PRONOUNCED PAR-TAY

5pm ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead

4pm Ra Ra Riot

OUTSIDE 3pm Cut Off Your Hands

2pm Gentleman Reg

1pm The Thermals FRIDAY 12pm Cuff The Duke MARCH

5pm Future Of The Left 20 NOON-6PM 4pm Parenthetical Girls RADIO ROOM

INSIDE 507 E. 6TH ST. 3pm Dappled Cities NO BADGES REQUIRED 2pm Young Galaxy

1pm Chikita Violenta

12pm Ohbijou

Instigator Ice Cream Man

Editor at Large James Boo – theeatenpath.com

Layout Editor Chris Muench – www.cdmdesign.com

Cover Art and Layout Jeremiah Garcia – n10z.com

Wookie Illustrations Christine Hale – love-christine.com

Publisher/Printer Jakprints – www.jakprints.com Another trip to Austin, another edition of Off the Wookie... another trip to Hoover’s! OTW4 started out as our “rally” issue. This idea went out the window when we snagged interviews with the cast and director of Dazed and Confused, but if you look closely you’ll see vestiges of the rally hanging on to Richard Linklater’s coattails. That said, we’re sticking with the Wookie’s original premise: This is our own “super fun happy motivate manual for joy making,” and we hope it makes you super fun happy. Thanks to all of the staff writers for keeping the Wookie alive for yet another year. More thanks to Jakprints, Jeremiah, Chris, Christine (the wookie wouldn’t be the same without your art), Richard Linklater, Wiley Wiggins, Jason London, Kirsten at Detour, all of our advertisers (this wouldn’t exist without your help), Kate Gahan, The Austin Health Department, the folks at SXSW for throwing the biggest and best party of the year, Helen and Cache Agency, Shea M. Gauer, Andrew Young, Beth Bellanti, Dameon Guess, Aaron Zacks, Doug Freeman, Hoover’s (we really like them), Rob and Cream Vintage, the cast and crew of Dazed and Confused, Alamo Draft House, Austin Film Society, and all of Ice Cream Man’s crew, writers, photogra- phers, and artists. We like you! Our mission is to give away FREE ice cream. To date we’ve gifted almost 200,000 frozen treats. We document everything we do on icecreamman. com, along with over 40,000 live concert photos and hundreds of reviews. Hop on our web site now to search for all your favorite artists, venues, and festivals! We’re doing everything we can to try to make giv- ing away ice cream a sustainable business. If you’d like to help, please contact us. Oh, and you need buttons, check out busybeaverbuttons.com... they rock. © 2009 Ice Cream Man – icecreamman.com 375 Redondo Ave. #101 Long Beach, CA 90814 not unique. Photographic and illustrated Since the development of his web site, documentation of ice cream people was Brian has received eyewitness accounts of fairly easy to find. What I had difficulty ice cream people from all over the world. tracking down was an authority on our In an effort to heighten awareness and frozen friends. I wasn’t looking for a run-of- simplify the artist rendition process, he has the-mill cryptozoologist; I wanted someone formulated a template for illustrating an ice who specialized in anthropomorphic cream person. This postcard, adorned with food. Specifically, I was searching for an empty ice cream cone on the front, is a someone who could explain the origins means for Ice Cream Enthusiasts to quickly and sociological significance of ice cream illustrate the being-in-question. There is people. I didn’t find that person, and as a room on the back for a written description, result my project, Ice Cream People, was and the postcard is addressed to Ice Cream born. People Headquarters. My goal as ice cream people research If you’ve come across an ice cream person, coordinator is to elevate the ice cream- please visit theupperhandart.com/icp. human hybrid to the same legendary status html to download a printable copy of the as Bigfoot or The Loch Ness Monster. By template. You can learn more about ice consolidating the evidence, stories, and cream people at icecreampeople.org. artist renditions into a cohesive database of frozen facts, I am creating a foundation from which the existence of ice cream people may be realized.

Art By Brian Butler and Meeting Ice Cream in Person Veronica Hebard (hebsandfish.com) By Brian Butler My first encounter with an ice cream quickly as we had met. Our quest was person was unexpected. En route to not to befriend roadside oddities; we had mini golf course #45 on our tour of every miniature golf courses to explore. miniature golf course in Massachusetts, we saw her: a ten foot tall Madonna Not too long after, on our way to course sporting a top hat and strawberry flavored #63, we were stopped by a second frozen dimples. Time slowed down, and our car individual. This time it was a giant vanilla slowed down to match. soft serve clown, flagging us down with a banner that read, “OPEN.” Unlike the We had to stop and examine her feminine Amazon, the clown had no legs. His face. It grotesquely complemented her handicap didn’t impair his sense of humor; masculine Popeye arms, resting against his expression clearly indicated he was her sugar cone body, which continued excited for our company. His big red Bozo down to a phallic point between her legs. lips exaggerated his already ear-to-ear She was confident. Her body language smile. He didn’t actually have ears, but was proof: Gender was no issue for neither did the Amazon – it was becoming this roadside Amazon. Nor was gender clear that both of them were part of some the topic of our discussion. We had underground community. I wanted to learn discovered an ice cream person! We had more. never considered the existence of an ice cream-human hybrid, but before us stood What followed was a nightlong what I would estimate to be 400 gallons exploration of the expansive Internet. Art by Mister Reusch (misterreusch.com) and Tofu Squirrel (tofusquirrel.com) of undeniable evidence. We left her as As it turned out, my encounters were 9 10 When the Guardian pops his trunk to reveal It’s as highly visible role models that a case of 12 oz. water bottles and a box America’s costumed heroes envision of generic chocolate chip granola bars, themselves as a complement to law he’s working to build the connection he enforcement and public service. From feels the city has allowed to slip through its raising money for youth charities to cracks. He strides up to the front steps of organizing local service programs to giving the church, where homeless New Yorkers out directions in Times Square (the sole huddle under the eaves of God for a night’s duty of New York City’s “Direction Man”), rest, off of public property and away from they are at once marvel and mundane. the reaches of the police, who would rather Most harbor no illusions of infiltrating they find their way to one of the city’s criminal organizations or sweeping away homeless shelters. the multi-generational roots of crime and poverty, electing instead to send vibrant The Department of Homeless Services messages of community, responsibility and wants little to do with the Guardian’s connection to those who would rather step efforts. “They basically want people to get aside than try to save what’s around them so desperate that they have to become a every day. part of the system,” he laments, the tail end of a Brooklyn accent flickering through his plainspoken words. The homeless “just don’t want to go there. They’re afraid if they go there, they’re gonna get robbed, they’re gonna get jumped.” A Guardian of the Real Photos by Bobby Lin (flickr.com/boboli) He shakes his head at the reality of the By James Boo situation. “They’re like, ‘You stay a night there!’ They’d rather be out on the streets. In Mexico City people know the name, nights I’ll focus on homeless outreach. I like It’s gotta suck to be out on the streets... “Super Barrio.” Equal parts political to mix it up.” After a few uneventful circles on a night like this? It’s miserable.” Placing activist, folk legend and bona fide luchador, around the perimeter of the park, he points a small action of compassion over the “it this masked avenger of the poor was out that the winter freeze often pushes takes a system” mentality of his city hall the first great banner bearer of what has drug dealers off of their warm weather counterparts, the Guardian asks the group become a veritable subculture: that of the corners in this part of town. Had he come of squatters on the church steps if they real life superhero. Send the term through across an offender, the Guardian would need any water or food. They welcome the Google, and you’ll come across galleries, have confronted the dealer with a threat to gesture, shaking his hand, joking about his networks and Myspace pages devoted to call the police. outfit and asking where his motorcycle is. everyday citizens who adopt costumed He smiles, tosses granola bars to the men “I grew up in Brooklyn and have a seen identities in their quest to make our world This is not the lucha libre. Dark Guardian is wrapped up in blankets, makes a second a neighborhood turn bad,” the Guardian a better place. Super Barrio, Captain not about masks, capes or dramatic flair. trip to his car for more water bottles, recalls of his hometown, Canarsie. “I have Jackson, Citizen Prime: These are a few of As the silent gloom of an urban February following through on a routine he’s been seen what desperation and crime can do to the names that ring out in contemporary sends shivers through the city, we hop refining over six years of activity as a real a community. I’m not axin’ regular people superheroism. into his ride, a black Mazda four-door with life superhero. to tell a drug dealer to get the Hell out... but matching red console and “I <3 Jesus” it really is everybody’s problem, the crime, On an icy, blustery weeknight in tags hanging from the rear-view. Our hero Notwithstanding his Hollywood grade and if everybody started to pitch in a little Manhattan’s Washington Square Park, pops in an old Linkin Park disc, turns on his outfit, this is usually as glamorous as bit, give back, do something... we’d live in the only man who can hear that ringing is portable GPS navigator and cruises uptown Dark Guardian’s career gets. “Doing little a better place.” walking ten paces in front of me, clad in for the next part of his beat. things,” he emphasizes, is the key to his sleek black and red leather and scanning hobby heroism. “It’s those little things, and When midnight strikes the heart of New the premises for signs of unlawful activity. “I don’t get a good feeling when I see it’s about getting everyday people involved York City, it’s difficult to envision Dark His name is Dark Guardian, and he is not a police, to be honest,” he admits as we in doing something.” With no legend to his Guardian creating the better place he folk legend. Even in his relatively subdued head towards a church that he tends to name, the Guardian thus bears the spirit describes in his interviews, talk show superhero outfit, the Guardian attracts stop by when patrolling the city. “I know a of Super Barrio, keeping an eye on his appearances and daily interactions with bewildered glances from nearby students lot of people don’t. I think they need more- neighborhood and using his martial arts New York’s citizens. He is, however, surely from New York University. I don’t know how to describe it, but just- training and steeled composure to protect a hero, and this is certainly real life. that rapport with people. As far as fighting the innocent when necessary, but most of “I try to go out about once a week,” the crime, stopping crimes, I think they’re all existing as a public embodiment of the You can find out more about Dark muscular, deliberate Guardian explains as a doing a really great job. But I feel like the values he hopes to inspire in others. Guardian and other real life superheroes at matter of fact, impervious to civilian doubt. connection with people isn’t there.” reallifesuperheroes.org. “Some nights I’ll focus on patrolling. Some 11 12 An Ice Cream Man’s Just Deserts By Ice Cream Man Photo By Neil Rickards (flickr.com/photos/neilrickards/) Few people can say they have driven a truck, Creamy. Having given away a ton 25-year-old ice cream truck thousands of ice cream in my own truck, I naturally of miles across continents. As luck would wondered if they had packed any treats have it, I tracked two of them down for Off for the road. Of course, they had – would the Wookie. John and Dan Clemens, broth- you drive that far in an ice cream truck if ers now living in Seattle, decided a few you’d weren’t prepared to make people years back to participate in the Plymouth/ happy along the way? In Gibraltar, Spain, Dakar Challenge, a journey from Plymouth, they loaded up around 400 pieces and kept England to Banjul, Gambia. Not only did them in small chest freezer powered by an they complete the challenge, they kept constantly running on board generator. the budget oftheir vehicle, a 1971 Bedford ice cream truck, to a few hundred British Once inside Africa, John and Dan joined pounds and did almost all of the work to up with five other vehicles and, thanks to prepare the truck for the 3,800 mile trip their mechanical know-how, were able to through France, Spain, Morocco, Maurita- keep the entire caravan running. Sure, they nia, and Senegal. never made it more than 250 miles without having to fix something, but after some key The idea to use an ice cream truck came repairs the mechanical work wasn’t too from a story Dan had read about some serious. When stuck at border crossings Brits who had attempted it a few years for hours, they would play ice cream man earlier but broke down a couple hundred chimes through the Nichols music box miles into France. The brothers flew over and sling some cream or play Frisbee, all to purchase the same truck, still sitting while waiting for the guards to lower their in the French junkyard where it had been financial demands and let them through. At dumped, but couldn’t afford to pay the one point the brothers were driving through owner’s asking price. While pounding Red the desert and saw a group of workers Bulls to help get them back to the airport at digging ditches on the side of the road. 2 a.m., they picked up a local newspaper They decided to give the workers some ice and found an ice cream truck within their cream, but when they first turned on the budget in its classified section. They head- chimes, nobody knew what they meant. ed back to town, purchased the truck and John and Dan not only had to convince the worked out storage so they could return a workers to take the ice cream, they also few months later to dedicate two weeks to had to show them how to eat it. a complete overhaul for the tour. Read more about the Clemens’ ice cream Currently, John and Dan are riding their adventure at creamytreats.com. You can motorcycles from Seattle to the southern also learn about their current trip to Tierra tip of South America. I caught up with Del Fuego, Argentina, at motorbothers.net. John in the middle of Mexico and to chat about the journey with their ice cream 14 manipulation. Their mission is “to entertain be moths attracted to the flame, but her audiences, provide an escape from reality body moved away just as she neared the and provoke thought through innovative blazed tip. She finished her act by balanc- and daring performances outside the tra- ing the middle of the sword on top of her ditional circus genre.” During a particularly head, doing a little bounce, and catching dark form of performance or daring acts of the burning sword in her cleavage. the human body, it isn’t uncommon to see squeamish faces or hands covering faces Later in the show, a shirtless man called in the audience. Freak Show stepped into the ring covered with white clown makeup, tattoos and body modifications. He carried a sword and tested it on his palm, showing everyone a huge cut gushing blood to prove that it was sharp. With help from two stagehands, he was picked up by the feet and lay his chest on the sword while yelling at the crowd. Bleeding across the chest, he took off his pants and hooked a hammer to his plugged pierced ears. He started to swing the ham- mer with his head while a stagehand held a ceramic plate against his underpants. Freak Show counted off and swung his head to smash the plates with his hammer. A PURE Freak Show: How to Join the Cirkus Next, he grabbed a pair of hooks attached Article and photos by Jackie Canchola to a cinder block with link chains. He lifted the hooks towards his eyes. The crowd In Seattle, Ringmaster Xavier Frost, wear- Before PURE Cirkus was born in the Pacific grasped and quickly looked away as he put ing a full drag outfit of black leather corset, Northwest, there were many small troupes the hooks in his eye sockets. He started one-piece red spandex cat suit and 20-eye in the area. It wasn’t until The 4 Horse- to rise from his crouched position and heeled boots, cracks a rubber whip to men, a not-for-profit production company, lifted the cinder block off the ground. The break down the fourth wall between the founded the Cirkus that hundreds of stagehands then used a very large hammer audience and his dazzling performers. This performers in the Northwest found a troupe to smash the cinder block. Incredibly, it is no ordinary circus ring master under a dedicated to producing the experimental seemed like there was no permanent dam- huge tent top with waxed mustache and theatrics of local talent. age... other than the damage done to the red fishtail coat. Step right up and witness PURE Cirkus performances can be truly entire crowd in the form of pure horror – or the most unique, electrifying circus show “You can’t throw a rock in Seattle without gorgeous. One show that I found espe- was it amazement? I couldn’t really tell. on earth! Come one, come all to PURE hitting a performer,” said Ring Master cially captivating was the dance of the Cirkus! Frost, who is also one of the original found- fire breathers. The elaborate costumes, ers of the two organizations. As a collective imaginative make up, and revealing cloth- First, though, look up “circus” on Google. of local performing artists and a booking ing were nothing compared to the way What are the first three results that pop up? agency, PURE Cirkus holds auditions on women belly danced with the fire they held Ringling Bros. Circus, Britney Spears’ latest behalf of venues seeking specialized per- on wand-like instruments. Music played in album on Amazon.com, and the Wikipedia formers, including stilt walkers, aerialists, the background as the wands touched the page about Circus (Britney Spears album). illusionists, geeks, freaks, fire breathers, women’s skin and headed towards their The classic model of the old circus has acrobats, fire eaters, poi jugglers, psychics, mouths in choreographed movements. The almost vanished. musicians, clowns and many more. The fire blazed up when the performers tilted Cirkus also provides educational programs their heads back and released it like human What happened? By the mid-20th century, such as: “Marketing for Cheap,” “M.C.’ing lighters. people found alternative forms of entertain- with Armitage Shanks,” “Turning Perform- ment, causing money for the touring circus ers into Business-Minded People,” and One of the performers lay down as the started to disappear. Troupes were unable “Fair Compensation for Performers.” other leaned over with her pink yarn hair to to travel when the towns they would visit feed her partner the fire. They danced with might not have a profitable turnout. These On stage, PURE Cirkus focuses on expres- one another, moving the slug-like trails of groups began to be attacked for using sive storytelling in live performances by fire up and down their arms. A stagehand animals in the performances, and the prohi- merging elements of street performance, set a sword ablaze and gave it to one of the bition of animal acts in many U.S. cities cabaret, Cirque Noir, burlesque, live the- dancers. She moved around the blade with changed the popular view of the modern ater, circus acts, and tribal and industrial such ease; her hands and eyes seemed to circus. music, with body modification and fire 15 16 investigation of this evidence that turned my casual crush into true love. Sasquatches are smart, nocturnal, and stealthy. They live their lives like pilots shot down behind enemy lines, sneaking around under the cover of darkness, largely unde- tected by us smaller, less hirsute cousins. This might be an oversimplification, but they are basically super ninjas. That certainly deserves some respect, if not love. Who doesn’t love ninjas? I often ask people, “Have you or anyone you know ever seen Bigfoot?” Here in Port- land, Oregon, about one person out of four answers, “Yes.” Most people are intrigued by my inquiry, and nearly all of them are supportive of my endeavors. However, I oc- casionally run into people who are emotion- ally invested in the supposition that Bigfoot is not real. Some literally yell at me about how “we would know about them by now” (a naïve position, from my perspective). These angry folk actually love the ‘squatch, though Everybody Loves Article and photo they might not know nor admit it. Their pas- by Cliff Barackman sion for the non-existence of the species is the ‘Squatch a quaint denial of a love unrealized. Nothing Bigfoot is America’s favorite monster. Since can fill that footprint-shaped hole in one’s 1958, when our country became aware of heart but the ‘squatch. the existence of the sasquatch, it has risen to occupy the apex (“Ape X”) of American For centuries, scientists have thought that consciousness. Other monsters are cool, new species must be killed for their exis- but none is as lovable as Bigfoot- after all, tence to be proved. How barbarically ironic! nothing says cute like a half-ton ape. Perhaps we can move past this paradigm. World renown primatologist and Bigfoot I spend a lot of time looking for evidence believer Jane Goodall suggests that by of Bigfoot. Over the last year and a half, I combining good DNA evidence and a body have logged more than 200 nights in some of decent video footage, we can bypass of the ‘squatchiest places one can find. I the need for a “type specimen” (a dead have spoken to hundreds of witnesses, ap- sasquatch) in proving the existence of this peared as a “Bigfoot expert” (whatever that noble ceature. is) on several network news channels and been featured on prominent cable television In support of this method, I call on you shows about monster hunting. I have spo- campers and outdoorsy folk to carry cam- ken at Bigfoot conferences, and now run a eras with you whenever you’re in a potential website devoted to the subject. Through all Bigfoot habitat. By simply keeping an eye of my experiences, one of the things that out for new evidence, you have joined the continues to strike me is how completely ranks of the Bigfooters. Welcome to the club! everyone loves Bigfoot. Rally behind everyone’s favorite monster, fly your Bigfoot flags proudly and know that The sasquatch is a real animal. It isn’t the you’re not alone. It’s OK. Everybody loves product of myths, boogie man stories, beef the ‘squatch. jerky commercials, tabloid headlines, or hoaxes from Georgia. Bigfoots are living, If you or anyone you know has seen a breathing biological entities that reside in sasquatch, Cliff would like to know. You can North American forests. The evidence for contact him and read about his Bigfooting their existence is overwhelming. It was my adventures at northamericanbigfoot.com. 18 the early 1990s, when Rally’s was an up- and-coming chain that touted its low prices through TV spots starring a young Seth Green as a rival fast-food chain’s drive-thru henchman who delighted in overcharging families with a resounding “Cha-ching!” Recently, I visited a Rally’s for the first time in at least 15 years, hoping that my fond memories would hold up. Fortunately, the fries are as crispy and artery-cloggingly tasty as ever, but what struck me most is that Rally’s is basically an exaggerated ver- sion of a fast-food restaurant. Rally’s goes one step further in the con- venience department by offering the extra drive-thru lane as part of its racing pit-stop motif, and its menu truly epitomizes the philosophy, “Bigger is better.” It’s the kind of menu that somehow manages to make room for both a bacon double cheese- burger and a bacon double bacon cheese- burger – indeed, up until a few months ago, Revisiting Rally’s Rally’s never made the nutritional informa- Article and photo by Adam Pringle tion of its food available to customers. With gaudy visuals trumpeting the likes of Growing up, I was always fascinated by the the Triple Cheeseburger, Rally’s brings to Rally’s fast-food chain, even though I al- life one of its advertising slogans: “Double ready knew at a young age that its burgers meat. Double cheese. Double flavor. Done weren’t exactly the best-tasting. While the right.” likes of McDonald’s had no atmospheric distinctiveness whatsoever, Rally’s was With a guide to obesity masquerading as a little stand flanked by drive-thrus and a menu and a racing theme seemingly decorated with checkerboard tiles and geared toward NASCAR Nation – perhaps other vaguely racing-themed touches that this is why Rally’s never really caught on reminded me of go-karts and other things in the Western U.S., given that this region fast and fun. Rally’s also had an ace in the of the country isn’t exactly a hotbed of hole that the behemoths of burger slinging NASCAR fandom – Rally’s is like a non- couldn’t touch: its seasoned fries, proof American’s attempt to develop a fast-food that a little bit of seasoning and a lot of restaurant based solely on American grease could go a long way. stereotypes. I fondly remember my family screeching My recent return to Rally’s was certainly through one of the drive-thrus at Rally’s satisfying, but the combination of the sea- location in Oceanside, CA, en route (though soned fries and the red-black-and-white not on time) to the late, lamented Valley decor was enough to make me mourn the Drive-In. For a six-year-old, there was noth- fact that my beloved Rally’s in Oceanside ing better than an evening of good-and- has long since closed, and I’ll never again greasy fries and my dad weaving through be able to hear the sounds of an exasper- traffic, capped off with the likes of Back to ated Doc Brown piped into my family’s sta- the Future Part III on the big screen under tion wagon through tinny speakers. As long the evening sky. as there’s a Rally’s within driving distance, though, flashbacks to simpler times are just The Rally’s chain is still chugging along, a bite away. with more than 815 locations in 28 states (many of which are under the name Check- ers, a similar fast-food chain that merged with Rally’s in 1999). Still, it’s a far cry from 19 desks, if at all. It’s a thing to merely stave off stomach ache, and get out of the way as soon as possible. It is often accompa- nied with other routine acts of the morning: email checking, news reading, or morning show television watching. Saying brunch is for assholes is acknowl- edging that it is elite; it was invented for the moneyed, leisured class. It’s not neces- sary otherwise – nobody needs to eat a breakfast, brunch then lunch. It isn’t even offered at lowbrow restaurants, diners and IHOP. So when I reblogged the photo of the “Brunch is for Assholes” t-shirt on my Tumblr, shaking my head and smiling as This draws a stark contrast from the one does at a particularly probing satire, breakfast crowd. Who can remember the adding a little comment, “Who knew there proletariat breakfasters of the early morn- was such solidarity?” I expected to receive ings? I barely can, since becoming an the online equivalent of knowing sighs. In- asshole myself (then nixing it by not eating stead, I received a nasty email from a friend that afternoon. In it he’d Photoshopped Photo by Cathy Erway out for two years). They sat hunched over Brunch Is for... on elevated barstools, gobbling hearty the shirt, so the moniker now read that By Cathy Erway plates at the counter to fill their stomachs brunch is for... the name of his web design before a long day’s labor. They traded company. My point exactly. Perusing the Tumblr dashboard one day, rudeness, speaks of leisure time not only in jokes with the waitresses and got up to I came across a post that had been re- sleeping in but in spending the afternoon… leave quickly when finished. But breakfast Cathy is a food writer. You can read blogged after several reblogs by someone eating. It’s no wonder that brunch is often is not in vogue – not amongst the young or more of her musings (with recipes!) at who I guess was once a friend. It depicted accompanied with its own signature alco- privileged today. When remembered, most noteatingoutinny.com. the torso of a male wearing a T-shirt that holic drinks, the Bloody Mary or Mimosa. It white collar office workers eat it at their said, in broad capitals, “Brunch is for murders the morning-to-afternoon appetite ass-holes.” Someone had snapped the with a daintily drizzled, mesclun green photo on the street, and had little idea sided or otherwise glorified breakfast food who’d made the shirt and why. After I and offers a hair of the dog to further dehy- giggled, I found myself wondering, why is drate the thirst. this shirt funny? What is it about brunch that makes it for assholes? Much to-do and fuss is given over which brunch place to go to, but if you take a Brunch is a very peculiar bird. It’s a hybrid careful look at menus, half of the options meal, the only one that has its own definite at brunchy restaurants are identical: Eggs menu genre and English word (I’ve tried Benedict, Eggs Florentine, eggs with some having “dunch” but it’s just not satisfy- arrangement of smoked salmon, an omelet ing unless a midnight snack follows). with three things. Ricotta-stuffed Brioche It’s essentially breakfast food rolled into French toast and Belgian waffles with fruit. lunchtime, and it can begin as late as four The fancy burger. All around ten dollars o’clock in the afternoon. It’s a lazy person’s and up. The priciest places might not breakfast, held on the weekends for the always pay off, but either way, watch out lazy late-risers. Nobody eats brunch if for the toll of those sides of bacon or hash, they’ve already had breakfast. if you’re stupid enough to order them – or the orange juice! Lord knows Tropicana Brunch is for assholes. It has languid isn’t that rare. These assholes might huff leisure time written all over its slack-jawed, and puff about such things when they hit bloodshot eyeballed, oh so hungover face. a particularly money-grubbing brunch, but And rich assholes, too, people willing to that won’t stop them from the weekend spend lunch-like prices for eggs or a slab ritual. It’s too ingrained by now; brunch is of French toast. That brunch so often a patient maid waiting to ease one from prattles on for hours, much to the harried slumber with a smile. restaurant hostess’ dismay, or the waiter’s (Omelette) Photo by Cathy Erway; (Blood Mary) Photo by Courtney Lewis 21 22 L-I-V-I-N: 16 Years Later, Still Dazed and Confused Photos by Aaron Zacks, Doug Freeman, and By Ice Cream Man and James Boo Margaret Burke (http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/ellenaim) I was in junior college when Dazed and for almost a decade, he stuck with the lone Confused came out in theaters. Actually, I star state as his backdrop. might have been taking a semester off and working at a magic factory... things are al- The original impulse for the film came from ways blurry when you’re in your late teens. a night Linklater had spent in his younger I do remember that we used to roll around days, driving around in his friend’s souped in my friend Ramsey’s all-black 1967 Cadil- up Le Mans in a town where nothing was lac, and we had been waiting for a while happening. Keep in mind that this was to finally see this movie. On September a small town in Texas in 1976, when the 24th, 1993, we all loaded into the Caddy legal drinking age was eighteen and there and headed to downtown Long Beach with were no open container laws. During this our J’s double-papered so they’d look like fateful night driving 140 miles around town cigarettes. I couldn’t tell you what I thought without actually going anywhere, ZZ Top’s of the movie the first time I saw it, but I “Fandango” never left the eight track play- must have liked it, because over the course er. The idea of filming a movie completely of six months I ended up seeing the movie taking place in a car with “Fandango” as a dozen times. the soundtrack was the beginning of Dazed and Confused. It’s been sixteen years since Dazed was produced, about the same length of time Building Character from release date to when the film was set, Richard Linklater had already made one in 1976. All of the fans knew it was filmed successful film, 1991’s Slacker, but Dazed in Austin, but the city of Austin was never was his first project for a major studio, directly referenced in the movie. Richard Universal. The first eight seconds of Dazed Linklater, the writer and director grew up cost more than three times the total budget in Huntsville, TX, a small town a few hours of Slacker, because Aerosmith demanded east of Austin, and most of the story was $100,000 for the use of their single, “Sweet semi-autobiographical. He tried to leave Emotion,” in the opening sequence. Even any reference points out of the film, but though Linklater only received about 70% was forced to make a concession when he of the budget and shooting days that he realized that his cars needed license plates. wanted for the film, he was able to balance Being from Texas and having lived in Austin his costs by working with an inexpensive 24 cast of young actors. Don Phillips, casting school. Wiggins, along with a several other agent of Fast Times at Ridgemont High cast members, was an Austin local who fame, had come out of retirement, and found his way onto the set when someone once he was on the project it seemed like on Guadalupe handed him an open casting every young actor in Hollywood wanted flier. a role in the upcoming movie. None of the bigger names who auditioned actu- During the party at the moon tower, the ally made it, but many of the actors who closest Dazed gets to a point of culmina- starred in the film, including Matthew Mc- tion, resident pothead Slater (played by Conaughey, Parker Posey and Ben Affleck, Rory Cochrane) is smoking a joint and talk- ended up becoming household names. ing about aliens. It’s hard to believe that his extended rant about George Washington To prepare the cast for filming Linklater put toking weed and Martha Washington be- together notes on each character and even ing a “hip, hip lady” was never part of the made mix tapes, so the actors would know script. Like many lines in the film, it was the what kind of music their characters listened creative work of a talented cast bringing to to. He encouraged the actors to embody life characters who existed sixteen years in their characters, telling them, “If the fin- the past. ished product of the movie is as written, it’ll be a massive under-achievement.” “You’re Our Pink” Jason London played Randall “Pink” Floyd, a friend to all of the characters of the film as well as the link between their intercon- nected stories and personalities. A lot of pressure came with the central role, and London had some reservations at first about accepting the part. “I have to be honest,” he admits. “When I realized what an amazingly talented group of people I Nevertheless, in bonding with the other Illustration by Shea Gauer was working with, I had a minor panic at- members of the cast and building a chem- tack...It was intimidating, to say the least.” istry with his costars, London grew into being the role of Wooderson, possibly the his character and contributed as much to most quoted character from the film. the legacy of Dazed as any other actor. It wasn’t until years later that he realized just Wooderson was really a minor character how big his contribution was. “It often feels when they first brought on McConaughey like I got lost in the mix of crazy characters to play him, but after the actor recited what and great one-liners,” London remembers might be his most famous line outside of about playing the most even keeled and the Emporium Pool Hall (“That’s what I like well-rounded character in the film. “I felt about these high school girls, man... I get at times that I was under the radar, and older. They stay the same age.”), Linklater that perhaps the kindness of Pink went and the crew reworked the script to give unnoticed.” McConaughey more screen time. During shooting, when someone off-handedly As he would discover, this simply wasn’t mentioned that his character wouldn’t be at so. “I’ve had grown men, literally in tears, the beer bust party under the moon tower, thank me for showing them that there is Linklater shot back, “The hell he isn’t.” always someone willing to be kind to them and stand up for them when they needed Wooderson wasn’t even originally included support,” he comments. “When people rec- in the film’s conclusion, a post-party “joint “We were allowed an amazing amount of ognize how cool Pink was, it means a great subcommittee meeting” on the 50-yard line freedom to play with our characters and deal to me.” of the local high school’s football field. By our lines. Rick put a great amount of trust the time the crew got that far into filming, in the performers, most of whom were “Awright, awright, awright...” the script had been revised to include Mc- just kids,” remembers Wiley Wiggins, who Among the most famous actors to come Conaughey, and the young Austinite repaid played Mitch Kramer, the newly-hazed- out of Dazed is Matthew McConaughey. the favor by ad-libbing his way through a and-anointed freshman who spends the Don Phillips had run into him at the bar at final speech about “L-I-V-I-N” through and duration of Dazed as our eyes and ears, the Hyatt Hotel, and after a few hours of against the choices forced upon the youth navigating the brave new world of high talking to him about golf and girls Don of- of America. fered him “this tiny part,” which ended up 25 26 The Soundtrack of the ‘70s his best to play it off like he’s not wasted drives through to announce the beer bust while bumping Badfinger’s “Come and Get It might be easy to think of the ‘70s as and jumps on his bed, throwing on his over at the moon tower. The sign and build- It” to the sight of the original cars used in a lost decade, but there’s a ton of great sized headphones to zone out. I’ve always ing are still on Burnet Rd. just south of W. the movie, sitting at the entrance to the music that came out of those years. It’s all wondered what music was playing on Anderson Ln. today, but sadly the business parking lot. a bit greasy, but we wouldn’t have arena those headphones, and made sure to ask was closed after its owner passed away. rock today if it weren’t for artists like Led Wiggins about it. “It’s funny that you men- The baseball field, where the high school For the cast and crew it was a time to Zeppelin, KISS, Peter Frampton and Ted tion the headphone scene. There wasn’t seniors of the film wait for Mitch Kramer recollect and reconnect. They hadn’t seen Nugent. Wiley Wiggins notes that “Rick anything playing on them when we filmed, to finish pitching a game before paddling each other for a decade and many had went to great lengths before the movie but in my mind they will always be playing him as part of his freshman initiation, is become highly successful during that to try to turn us on to the music he was ‘Surrender’ by Cheap Trick...That scene is located at the corner of Shoal Creek Blvd. time. Matthew McConaughey seemed to listening to in high school. He made us all a direct homage to an almost identical shot and North Park and still looks the same as be acting the ring leader, and everyone mix tapes of a lot of the stuff that ended up in the wonderful 70’s film Over The Edge, it did then. was partying it up like you might hope. on the soundtrack, and a lot more.” Jason and that’s what’s playing when Michael For Jason London, “the best part was just London has similar recollections. The tape Kramer’s character lies back and puts on realizing what an impact we all had on the that Richard Linklater made for him was all his giant closed-can headphones.” fans of the movie. I felt like a rock star. It he listened to while filming. It was a flash- was so moving to realize how the fans felt back to what his parents played around the such personal bonds with us. They have house when he was young, and he loved it. become our family.” Wiley Wiggins has similar memories. He enjoyed drinking beer Similar to the soundtracks of period clas- and watching the film on the grass with Lin- sics like The Wonder Years and Freaks klater, stopping now and then to exchange and Geeks, the soundtrack for Dazed was “a happy comment about something we crucial in nailing the experience of being in remembered from the shoot.” high school in 1976. Linklater understood this but had to fight with the studio to get Linklater himself didn’t really have any them to spend the extra money for songs expectations for the screening – when he by Aerosmith and Bob Dylan, among arrived and saw all of the people in the others. He even gave up any profits he The pool hall where everyone hangs out, park, his first reaction was, “What else personally would have made from the film’s playing foosball and pool while looking is going on here?” As he got closer he two soundtracks – which sold over 2 million cool, was actually built specifically for the realized thousands of fans had come from copies altogether – in exchange for the ex- movie, as Linklater wanted to recreate his all over the world for the event. He loved act music that he wanted, not ‘90s bands old high school hangout, The Emporium. knowing that so many people were having covering ‘70s songs. Although the original hall in Huntsville was a fun time and described the night as “a defunct, he was able to find a shopping high school reunion, where you wanted to The tracks that ended up in Dazed and on mall with a large vacant store and recreate see everybody.” the cast’s mix tapes weren’t all from the a near-identical replica in its space. If you biggest bands of the decade. Regional make it to North Lamar just below Brent- Another bonus of the reunion aspect of artists like Black Oak Arkansas and smaller wood St., you can check out the space and the event was the chance for the cast and bands like Sweet were paired up with Black the garage where the freshmen, hungry for crew to see their own work, something Sabbath, Deep Purple, the Runaways, and revenge, ambush super senior and hazing that doesn’t always happen for actors and Foghat. Naturally, ZZ Top had to have their champion O’Bannion (played by Ben Af- directors who finish a project and move on place in the film, and Rick personally met The Hallmarks of Dazed and Confused fleck) with a bucket of paint. to the next job without actually seeing the with their manager before filming began to in Austin film they’ve just finished creating. Here in make sure he would be able to get a few of If you’ve spent some time around Austin Reflections at the Beer Bust Austin, after a decade of aging, Linklater their tracks into the movie. The two songs you’ve probably noticed a few locations In 2003, Richard Linklater and crew recre- and company were able to watch Dazed Rick pushed hard to get but couldn’t lock made famous by Dazed. The moon towers ated the moon tower set for its tenth an- in “a more pure way,” seeing the finished down were Zeppelin’s “Rock and Roll” and around town are featured prominently niversary. I happened to be living in Austin, product for what it was years after they “Dream On,” which he wanted to play at in the film’s final segments. It’s tough to working on reopening the Hole in the Wall, had finished shooting its final scene. Once the closing of the moon tower sequence. shoot nighttime parties in movies, so you’ll when word spread that there would be an the film had begun, Linklater noticed that In place of “Dream On” he decided to use often see headlights from cars being used anniversary screening of Dazed and Con- the print was a little faded and scratchy, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Tuesday’s Gone,” which to throw some light on the scene. Rick fig- fused at Walter Long Park. Alamo brought probably from years of being shown at to this day makes me feel like the party’s ured the moon towers would be the perfect out the gigantic inflatable movie screen that midnight movie screenings around Austin. about to end whenever it comes on. solution to the lighting problem and built a they use for their Rolling Road Show and This, coupled with the fact that the screen- miniature version for his beer bust party. set it up at the bottom of a slightly sloping ing was held outdoors, made Dazed and At the end of the film, Mitch Kramer grass hill. In addition to the fans, all of the Confused look and feel like a genuine 70s comes home just as the sun is rising and When I moved to Austin for a stint in 2003, cast was invited, and nearly everyone was movie. is promptly busted by his mom for being the place I most wanted to cruise through able to make it out. My main memory of the out all night (and possibly drunk). He tries was Top Notch burger, which Wooderson night was driving up in my 1969 low rider 27 28 The Importance of Being Dazed Wiley Wiggins’ new film, Sorry, Thanks, will Like so many films that fall into the “cult be playing during SXSW on March 19th at status” category, Dazed and Confused 8:30PM at Alamo’s Lamar 3 Theater. wasn’t a commercial success when it was first released. As summed by by Wiley Wig- It’s hard for us to imagine that anyone in gins, “It was a slow burn before anybody Austin right now who’s reading Off the noticed it.” Wookie hasn’t seen Dazed and Confused. If for some reason you haven’t, pick up Not only was Dazed eventually recog- the Criterion collection and a case of beer nized as one of the best films of its time, (preferably the cheap kind… in cans), and it became an important piece of what watch it with a bud. has become American independent film. Over the last 20 years Austin itself has Thanks to Richard Linklater, Wiley Wiggins become a hub for indie films. In 1985 and Jason London for the interviews, and Richard Linklater founded the Austin Film thanks to Kirsten at Detour for her help in Society, which has grown so large that it making this story happen. is now giving away $1,000,000 per year in grants to independent filmmakers. The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, which opened in 2001, has grown to include numerous theaters around town that show all types of films accompanied by food and beer. Both organizations have been a part of South by Southwest and are key in Austin’s contribu- tion to the arts. Richard Linklater had to fight to make the film exactly as he wanted, and he wanted to make sure that it would last forever. 3,000 Miles of Blood, Sweat and Ice Cream... True to his goal, Dazed doesn’t look like and Dracula it was filmed sixteen years ago. For a film By Lelaine Lau Photos by Jonathan Bushnell produced at the same time as Jurassic Park, The Last Action Hero, Wayne’s World Social activist Kimberly Green and film- Matthew has now driven the Gumball 3000 2 and Rookie of the Year, Linklater’s movie maker Matthew Devlen couldn’t resist the four times in a diverse range of vehicles, lacks the sheen and big production values ice cream truck parked in the middle of from a Porsche 911 to a 1930 Blower Bent- that characterized blockbuster films of the an event at Art Basel this past December ley. It is the 1989 Ford transit ice cream early 90s. The film’s independent approach in Miami Beach. Little did they know that truck, however, that everyone remembers. and conscious decision to avoid the star Matt Allen, the ice cream man handing The veteran indie film producer was in LA actors of its time were a part of Linklater’s them freebee cones, already knew who making his 18th movie, G.I. Jesus, when desire to perfect the chemistry of the cast they were – unbeknownst to the two of the specter of another rally loomed on the and create something that would outlast its them, their antics from four years past had horizon. Kimberly, a co-producer on G.I., major release peers. achieved legendary status with ice cream had just survived her first road trip to with drivers around the world. They were about Matthew to Palm Springs when she first “The movie was a wonderful launching to get a frozen blast from their ice cream heard about the rally. These two provo- point for a lot of acting careers,” states past. cateurs shared a mutual appreciation of Wiggin. “If only everyone’s subsequent adventure, and Kimberly was more than movies could have had the same heart that Back in 2005, the daring duo had gone happy to add Matthew to her “menagerie Dazed had... but, those sorts of movies where no one had gone before in an ice of collectibles.” The two took no prisoners are so rarely allowed to see the light of day cream truck…. on a 3,000 mile road trip in seeing who could out-wacky the other in now.” that covered thirteen European countries topping off their one-of-a-kind rally team. in six days. A take on road race films The The Drafthouse will be screening numerous Gumball Rally and The Cannonball Run, Kimberly recruited Nepalese royal Ash films during South by Southwest. Check the Gumball 3000, created by powerhouse Rana, a Miami fashionista who immediately out originalalamo.com for show times but couple Maximillion Cooper and Julie began designing their ice cream serving keep in mind that these screenings sell out Poster by Frank Kozik (www.fkozik.com) Brangstrup, had now become the most uniforms. Matthew upped the ante by tap- fast. exclusive (and expensive) road rally on the ping Prince Ottomar Vlad Dracul Kret- planet. zulesco, the only living heir to Vlad Tepes, whom Bram Stoker used as the basis for 29 30 his Dracula character. Lastly, Gumball vet- thew was now the sole driver for all 3,000 and having fun.” eran Gary Lutke signed on, heading up the miles of the rally. search for another underdog set of wheels What flavor is “Team Ice Cream” churning that would capture the heart and soul of After the flag dropped in London, none up this year? Matthew Devlen says that the the Gumball just as his Citroën 2CV (a of the other participants actually thought Greensleeves anthem, their old ice cream French tin can) did the previous year when they’d ever see the ice cream truck again. jingle, will not be on the play list if they do he won the coveted “Spirit of the Gumball.” But like clockwork, usually six or seven end up in the rally again. “Sorry folks, I They settled on an entry that they felt no hours behind everyone else, the ice cream couldn’t do it again in an ice cream truck,” one could resist: an innocent and unas- truck would triumphantly appear. Rumors he says. “I still don’t know how I did it the suming ice cream truck. swirled on how the truck was able to mate- first time. I was possessed.” rialize out of thin air when least expected. Arriving in London, they still had not figured Kimberly Green says the metallic melody is out how they were going to find an ice “We actually heard that a helicopter permanently etched in her brain, no matter cream truck. Luckily, Gary knew an old airlifted the van to the stops every night,” what the future holds. “Besides that, I have chum from high school who actually had an reminisces Swedish rally contestant Uffe a racing hangover that will last a lifetime.” ice cream business, so they hopped a taxi Karneman, who witnessed the miracle from she adds. As for the rest of the original ice to Crawley that evening to plead their case. his black Hummer, “In Croatia for instance, cream team... the ferry was just about to leave when all of a sudden, in the distance, we all heard their ordinance on the books that prohibits ice Ash Rana is preoccupied with his new infernal repetitive ice cream jingle. They’d cream trucks from the hallowed rues of clothing line, Rana*Rojo, and is not accept- done it again.” Monaco. ing calls that involve Gumball 3000. Alan Greenhalgh ditched London for Istanbul Day after day, country after country, the Undeterred by French hospitality, the team and could not be reached for comment. legend of “the ice cream truck that could” found a back door into the country and Prince Dracul Kretzulesco passed away grew by leaps and bounds. The truck had crossed the finish line. “Team Ice Cream” in 2007, though not before producing an ticked Brussels, Prague, Vienna, and Bu- came in second place for the “Spirit of heir, Ottomar Dracula Junior. Lastly, Gary dapest off their list with the rest of the Big the Gumball” award but were given the Lutke is currently in negotiations with his Boys and their supercars. These underdogs navigation award as a consolation prize. It girlfriend Kelly about getting advance per- of the road had even been boarded by the was a bittersweet victory for them, albeit mission to enter the rally. military in Bosnia, who checked their ice well deserved – the truck’s power adapter cream freezers for smuggled items. “You was broken, so they had never juiced up Catch up with the adventures of Team Ice can imagine how motivated these soldiers their rally-issued GPS unit, instead relying Cream at rallyfever.com. Kimberly Green’s were for us to leave the country after open- on Ash to navigate the entire route from charity pursuits can be tracked on greenff. “We literally pulled an ice cream cone out ing Pandora’s ice box,” recalls Matthew in old fashioned maps in a lawn chair at the org. Ash Rana’s new clothing line is blos- of the hat in convincing the guy to give us laughter. center of the vehicle. Gary ultimately joined soming at ranarojo.net. the vehicle,” says Matthew. “Then it im- his fellow teammates for the closing night mediately melted, along with every Nobbly After a miserable drive up and down Mount bash, now single and wearing the new You can learn more about Gumball’s “Santa Wobbly, Mr. Milk and Funny Foot we had Edna, Kimberly and Ash were both ready scarlet letter for relationships: the Letter G Monica to South Beach” adventure at in the freezer.” So much for their plan to to mutiny. Matthew convinced them he for “Gumball.” gumball3000.com. sell ice cream along the route to cover couldn’t scoop it alone; he needed their petrol. Matthew had forgotten to plug in neapolitan team spirit intact, at the very Despite a few minor meltdowns, Kimberly the freezer at the Hilton creating “two giant, least to prevent him from falling asleep at and Matthew have been inseparable since swishing, washing machines of God awful the wheel. Reaching Rome gave the tired their ice cream days, forging a long term goo” that they were forced to endure for trio a second wind and the hope of making friendship that is the magic of the Gumball the entire journey. it all the way to France. 3000 experience. If they can pull it off, the Team will reunite again this year, and have As Matthew was about to discover, empty After 3,000 miles, Matthew, Kimberly and created a website, appropriately named ice cream cones were the least of his Ash finally had their sights on the Principal- “Rally Fever,” to monitor their highway high worries. Gary jumped ship at the start ity of Monaco. Averaging 50 miles per hour, jinx. They’re aiming to party with a purpose line when his girlfriend made him choose the ice cream truck had managed to stay by joining forces with Bang the Gavel between her and the Gumball 3000. It was in the competition with the fastest cars on Auction Services to raise funds for charity. revealed that Ash didn’t have a driver’s the planet and, like the tortoise racing the Maximillion Cooper praises the ice cream license, and Kimberly couldn’t drive stick, hare, had caught up with everyone else. truck in an exclusive statement to the let alone stick on the British side of the Wookie: “I just hope we have more of the road. The Prince of Darkness wasn’t much Just when they thought they had over- same this May on our 2009 coast-to-coast help, as he followed the truck in a stretch come every obstacle there could be, the trip through the States, as that is what the limo, babysat by socialite Alan Greenhalgh, French gendarmes stopped them solidly Gumball is about: different people from dif- London’s equivalent of Paris Hilton. Mat- in their tracks. It seems there is a “petite” ferent worlds and cultures coming together 31 32 The Plea for Peace Photo courtesy of Mike Park. By James Boo When I was fifteen years old, my music was organizing “an attempt to bring some came to me in the mail. 1998 was not a kind of social consciousness” to touring time of iTunes, Stereogum and Bittorrent; and “establish a precedent in music of it was the year that packages arrived to intelligence, unity, and equality.” His first my townhouse mailbox on a weekly basis effort, the Ska Against Racism tour, was a bearing the mark of Epitaph and Dischord. touring festival of bands that represented Rather than floating freely through airwaves the last great gasp of third-wave ska as and broadband lines for anyone to snatch well as a fundraising partnership between and redistribute, independent music bands, record labels, and anti-racist non- existed in an underground community of profit organizations. mailorder, mixtapes and the almighty all- ages show. As the ska revival scene began to fade, Mike channeled his acumen as an indepen- Mike Park, founder of California-based dent label owner and his knack for rallying Asian Man Records, figured prominently in others around a cause into what would my life that year. More than anyone else he become the Plea for Peace Foundation. He exemplified the D.I.Y. ethic and “anything’s organized several more tours, one highlight possible” mentality in music, and unlike his being a national benefit tour headlined by indie rock peers he did so without casting Cursive in 2004, before scaling back and an intimidating shadow over the music focusing on his long-term goal. world. In December of 2008 Mike, under the banner of his non-profit organization, “It all goes back to not having that outlet Plea for Peace, opened his own commu- when I was in high school,” Mike com- nity center in Stockton, CA. A reflection of ments on the inspiration for his center. Mike’s community-minded spirit and never- “Shows were scarce, and we’d usually ending pursuit of the free, the Plea for have to travel to San Francisco...I wanted Peace Center is the realization of a dream to have something that would be able ten years in the making. to create a positive environment for the youth, but to also bring forth music and Five years before Ted Leo lamented, art to the community.” A regular patron of “Where have all the rude boys gone?” Mike the YMCA and longtime fan of 924 Gilman 34 Street and other teen centers, Mike has in such a small market, wondering if we lived and breathed community for years, can truly survive in this environment...Plea defying America’s single-serving consumer for Peace is strictly non-profit in the truest economy in favor of a life in which he form. No paid staff, just rent and bills. It’s watches films, eats cheap pizza and goes total survival for the sake of building a to Disneyland for free because he has a community center,” he reminds me. While habit of making friends with teenagers, he and Middagh have plans to open similar workers and anyone else who can smile centers in other cities outside the normal wherever he goes. tour circuits, the path forward seems as daunting as... well, as daunting as running In turn, when granted a $10,000 award your own international record label and for community building by the MySpace raising tens of thousands for charity while Impact organization, Mike put the money blogging daily about family life and the big- directly into Plea for Peace’s final push gest burritos you’ve ever eaten. to open the venue he had hoped for as a teenager. On December 12, 2008, the Plea Thinking back on the day in 1998 I un- for Peace Community Center opened its wrapped a $4 compilation CD from Asian Free Ice Cream in the Big Apple doors to the public with an inaugural show Man entitled Mailorder Is Fun!!, I realize Article and photo By Kats featuring Mike, Kevin Seconds and Jesse that, as difficult as it seems, there’s no bet- It’s pretty close to midnight, and Adam and that money. Michaels, all elder statesmen of the punk ter person to tackle this dream than Mike I are behind a table that’s way too small rock community. Park. He is, after all, a man who describes for all the ice cream and fixings on it. I’ve Enter Adam, aka Domer, one of the first his ideal world as a place “where people got chocolate syrup on my elbow and a and only artists I have ever met who hasn’t Getting the permits approved in a unani- enjoy watching Degrassi Jr. High, and the healthy stain on my recently laundered tried to sell me his latest album or give me mous vote from city hall the day before idea of violence takes a backseat to ice shirt. Adam’s got it under control, de- a flier for his upcoming show. Refreshing! It this show was “electric,” claims center cream.” spite having already enjoyed a few of our doesn’t hurt that he is a supremely talented manager and Stockton organizer, promoter own complimentary Maker’s Mark vanilla musician and a great rapper in his own and musician Middagh Goodwin. So was Learn more about Plea for Peace and do- shakes. I have to admit: I am impressed by right. Soon, Free Ice Cream is born. opening night: “Words cannot describe nate to their flagship community center at his scooping skills and composure, as a how joyous it was...It was truly a celebra- pleaforpeace.com. You can find out more small line is definitely forming by now. To What is all this about? Is it about people tion and a coming together of friends new about Mike Park at mikeparkmusic.com. my right hangs a pink t-shirt with a picture thinking we’re cool? In 1994 it sure was. and old, fans and a community. Every of an ice cream cone trapped behind Is it about being the sickest, best rapper time someone would come up to me and prison bars. I am taking it all in, lost in my around? It’s always about that. Really, congratulate me I would return the com- revelries, when an inquiring voice inter- though, it’s about creating something really ment, because the Plea for Peace Center is rupts, “What’s all this about?” Funny you fun, cutting loose and enjoying ourselves bigger than just Mike and me. It is not ours; should ask… with our friends, who most likely would not it is the community’s.” have stayed our friends had we kept charg- It’s 1994. My entire life is consumed by rap ing them money to hang out with us. Since December, activity at the center has music. Dre and Snoop have been in regular been moving at a steady clip thanks to the rotation for about a year now, there’s noth- So, here we are today, having a blast, our pro bono management of Middagh and ing I would rather have happen in my life music blaring through the bar speakers to his volunteer staff. The financial burden than getting to hang out with the entire Wu- the genuine delight and well wishing of our of keeping the center running has already Tang Clan in Shaolin, and B.I.G.’s Ready good friends, looking over a sea of pleas- placed the foundation on a race against to Die has just officially sealed the deal. antly surprised faces of unknowing bar the clock for new sources of funding, but I must rap. The next ten years are fairly goers who have just received news of ice Plea for Peace has wasted no time in giv- typical for an independent artist trying to cream and music being given away. Our ing locals “a place where they can feel at make a name for himself: demo tapes (yes, parties have grown in size and popularity, home and express themselves in artistic actual cassette tapes), Kinko’s fliers, open and we are slowly building a loyal following. ways. We of course have music and art,” mic showcases and countless hours spent Adam and I are thrilled to be able to reach points out Middagh, “but I am working at scribbling rhymes in composition pads. so many new people with our tunes and expanding to us doing a independent film spread our good will, one scoop at a time. series, workshops, classes, performance The results are typical as well: No one who Maybe you can please everyone. In 1994, art, spoken word... you name it.” In building isn’t also trying to make a name for himself I certainly would have taken an ice cream a genuinely strong relationship with the knows who I am, no record label even cone from GZA. community, Plea for Peace aims to proves acknowledges the submission of my demo its worth in person just as much as it does tapes and my friends, who at this point are Learn more about Free Ice Cream and the on its grant applications. the only fans I have, are forced to constant- music of Kats and Domer at freeicecream. Photo by Middagh Goodwin ly pay unreasonable door covers to see me net. “So far, so good,” offers Mike. “But we’re do one song. And, of course, I see none of 35 36 4th Annual Pitchfork/Windish Austin Bash

Emo's/Emo's Jr. Friday, March 20th 12-6pm

12 Bands on 2 Stages 12:00 Girls 12:30 The Mae Shi A Cold Taste of the Old World 1:00 Little Boots By Mallory Furnier 1:30 Max Tundra There is a divine relationship between ice a “grazie” later I had the prize in my hands. 2:00 Pains of Being Pure at Heart cream and summer. Yet, despite the yin One lick of the cold treat left me under- and yang of cool days and hot treats, my whelmed at the mildness of the lemon 2:30 Woods frozen treat adventures have largely been flavor. The texture was right, but the tang 3:00 School of Seven Bells winter quests. That was the case a few of lemon I’d envisioned was lacking. The years ago when I found myself studying magic just wasn’t there. 3:30 Wavves abroad in England for a school year. Being 4:00 Dirty Projectors on the doorstep of dozens of European Later I had another chance at discover- countries was an exciting thought even ing gelato glory at a stop in Rome. It was 4:30 King Khan & the Shrines in the depths of winter. The sights, the Christmas day, I’d just been blessed by the 4:30/5ish A-Trak / Diplo sounds, the FOOD. Pope and eaten one of the most expen- sive pizzas I’d ever had in my life. What 5:30 Department of Eagles One of the most enticing prospects for better to follow that than Italy’s national ice my palate was the chance to try honest- cream? to-goodness Italian gelato. Growing up in a town with a population that said “city” I decided to try lemon again for comparison but a roster of going-out options that said purposes, along with a berry flavor to mix “sleepy suburb” usually meant chain res- things up a bit. I also ditched the cone in taurants when it came to dining. However, favor of a paper cup. It resulted in a differ- even chain plagued towns have something ent presentation, but the taste was all the to appreciate. For me, it was all about the same. The mild tang of lemon gelato tasted gelato shop. Small, unassuming, but full of on the streets of Venice and Rome were creamy, flavorful gelato goodness. not enough to match the excitement of that gelato shop in my hometown. The excitement in that cup of gelato, garnished with a crisp triangular wafer Cup or cone, Italian gelato was just not the and served by a friendly employee, was way I’d envisioned it. Was my palate off? exactly the thrill I hoped to find in the land I wonder if it was my perception of gelato of pasta and pizza. I was headed to Italy in that had been formed early on by American December, but ice cream is good any time. flavoring practices. I let my preconceptions I wasn’t going to let the depths of an Italian get in the way of my gelato and the enjoy- winter belay my goal of tasting the pinnacle ment of the moment. Though I mostly think of gelato perfection. I’d underestimated the ability of American frozen treat craftsmen to live up to the First up was a stop in Venice. I got in line at fabled fanfare surrounding European food. a brick and mortar storefront and ordered It just goes to show, good ice cream can lemon gelato on a cone. A “per favore” and happen anytime or anywhere. 37 thereafter. Many of us think that if we want something, then we’re entitled to have it here and now. If that means shoveling a mountain of debt, so be it. Silly, unnecessary debt is part of what got us into this economic mess to begin with. Fortunately, that’s exactly what personal debt is: silly and unnecessary. All you need to overcome it is common sense. The next time you want to spend $4 on a cup of fancy coffee, think about some- thing you desperately want – iPhone, trip to China, flight school, plutonium for your homemade flux capacitor – and get out of line. Walk out of the store. The second you get home, transfer $4 into a savings account with a good interest rate. Know Becoming Your Own Ice Cream Man By Brigid McGuire that you are one latte closer to whatever it Photo byJordan Jablon is you really want. With everyone running around these days, be it from job to job or raising a family, An ice cream social can also be a neigh- If you find yourself about to spend $100 it can be hard to get everyone together. borhood event. Put up colorful posters and on pre-made, pre-packaged food, stop. To help stop the mayhem, I suggest you fliers all over your local stomping ground. Put your groceries back. Buy some baking throw an awesome ice cream social in your This might be easier to do on your own Recession Busting 101 ingredients in the big packages that will backyard for all of your friends and family private property, since many cities require By Margaret Crymes last you a while. Learn to make muffins and to enjoy. I mean, who is too old to savor a specific permits for large groups of people. biscuits and bread. hot fudge sundae or an old-fashioned ice Photo byJordan Jablon (flickr.com/jo_leigh) One way to get around this is to get your cream cone? neighbors involved. Combining all of your Lately, escaping news of the recession has If you find yourself about to swipe your front or back yards gives you a longer been impossible, but most people aren’t credit card for an unessential purchase, The first stage of planning is deciding on space, perfect for children. truly affected by it. If you don’t own a whether it’s $5 of $500…stop. Go home a time and place. Having your party on a home, you can’t face foreclosure. While un- and set up your credit card to automati- classic weekend afternoon makes it more Another way to get people more involved is employment is high, not everyone is getting cally pay your bills. Then set up your bank kid friendly and crates the option of plan- to have guests bring pints of their favorite laid off. People are telling me that they’re account to automatically pay off your card. ning fun games for everyone to enjoy. If ice creams. Sometimes it can get boring broke because their bills are too high, their Then cut up your card. Don’t treat a credit you have enough time, its always fun to just eating the same chocolate and vanilla paycheck is too small, and darn if they just card like a debit card. make your own invitations in advance and flavors, so create a triple scoop, banana- cannot figure out where their money went. send them by snail mail, but with everyone chocolate mint-butter pecan tower of ice No amount of financial advice will work on being online 24/7 these days, Facebook cream! For those of your friends who might Until a year or two ago, I was making the someone determined to feed her sense of and MySpace would be easier, faster and be more health minded, add some fresh same excuses. Now I’m convinced that want. Adjusting to the concept of delayed cheaper methods of communication. fruit to the mix or settle on some non-dairy the butterflies in our wallets come more fulfillment is disheartening... but more dis- or soy ice cream options. That way, every- from an astronomic sense of entitlement heartening than not getting what you want Next, choose the space. If you live in a tiny one can partake in the ice cream social. than any economic crisis. 99% of the time is freaking out on the 28th because you’ve apartment or house, there are tons of local we’re not broke because of something got $10.56 to your name, you don’t get parks were you can set up your ice cream Ice cream floats are also a fun and classic that happened to us. We’re broke because paid for two weeks and rent is due. extravaganza. If you are moving the party addition to an ice cream social. If you want instead of tracking our expenses, we outside, make sure to bring all necessary to go into a more adult route, then create kinda sorta check our account balances You shouldn’t deprive yourself of your utensils and coolers full of ice to keep your some beer ice cream floats. Some good once in a while. We’re broke because we quality of life, but sometimes you may tasty treats cold. I always find it fun to beers for the combination are Framboise eat take-out on our lunch break instead need to rethink what you want in terms of arrange a sundae buffet for my ice cream Lambic (a raspberry beer), chocolate stout of making a peanut butter jelly sammich. how you’ll pay for it - and what that means socials. You could have everyone bring a or Sam Adams Cream Stout. We’re broke because instead of picking for Future You. The last thing you need different and ice cream topping to make it up a $20 twenty-four pack and inviting our is Future You hopping out of a DeLorean more interesting. I remember being at an So if you are ready to crank up some good buddies over, we spend $60 at the bar. and beating you senseless with a $50,000 ice cream buffet cafe while I was in Brazil tunes, bust out the ice cream scoop, let the We’re broke because instead of setting credit card bill and an eviction notice. and being amazed at the toppings I could people come together and go throw your aside $25 to cover our travel expenses, we choose. After I created my ice cream mon- own ice cream social! put Coachella tickets on our credit card Read more of Margaret’s tips on recession- strosity, I could just take it to the cashier and pay the balance on them every month busting and time travel at burnfive.com. and pay by weight. 39 40 time and attorney fees necessary to fight Most were held without a bail hearing for through the pretrial process. It didn’t work: the legal limit of 48 hours. At the deadline, Even though many had to make multiple we were herded before public defenders trips from far-off states, a high percentage and volunteering legal collective attorneys, of arrestees refused to plead guilty to what then immediately to a courtroom inside the they hadn’t done and almost everyone who jail. Arrestees were brought before the full decided to fight won their case. courtroom into one-person prisoner pens behind high plexi-glass and left standing Upon hearing word of my arrest, my label in their orange jumpsuits. My bail was set mates at Strange Famous Records immedi- and immediately bonded by a good friend, ately set up ConspiracyToRiot.com as a Sean Daley, but instead of being granted way of raising awareness and collecting release or return to my floor I was sub- donations (Gold Star Donation Awards jected to another intense strip search and went to Sage Francis & Slug.) A private relocated to what appeared to be general attorney was hired with the money that we population holdings. I was not released raised. After I rejected plea deals at both until early the next day. initial court appearances, my contested omnibus hearing was set for February 26th. Photo by Al Crespo During the release process, we were photo- Two weeks before the portion of the pretrial The Conspiracy to Riot graphed by multiple government agencies where I could challenge the facts presented By Jared Paul and threatened with continued detainment in the police “complaint,” my lawyer called Some artists use politics to advance their out!” Armed patrol boats were positioned if we were to refuse. When we got our to announce that the prosecutor was art. Jared Paul is has made a name for in the river behind us. We were barricaded clothes back, I found that my wallet, ID, dismissing our case due to insufficient himself by using art to advance his politics. by hundreds of heavily armed police who and phone had been tagged as evidence evidence. What follows are the stripped down details refused to answer any questions. People and taken to a separate building. The (no pun intended) of Jared Paul’s unlawful inside the quarantine (residents enjoying officer who escorted me off the premises We won. It took a lot of time, travel and arrest at the 2008 RNC and his subsequent the park, college students, elderly folk, threatened to charge and re-arrest anyone money, but we won. Hopefully the remain- legal victory. -Sage Francis show goers, and protesters) were terrified, in the group for even the slightest infraction ing RNC arrestees are able to celebrate the many crying openly. A sterile voice blared on the way through the exit path. He put same victory as the State fails in proving In July 2008, I agreed to attend the Demo- over a bullhorn demanding that every- us onto the street at 3 AM without phones, the ridiculous, trumped up charges. cratic and Republican National Conven- one sit with hands visibly placed on their money, or identification. Thankfully, a Jail tions as a journalist reporting for a Rhode heads. Groups of officers rushed the crowd Support effort had been organized and It is your right as an American citizen to Island publication called The Agenda. I was screaming with guns raised, forced people many volunteers were waiting with food, observe, express your opinion, report on arrested on the first day of the RNC while to the ground, cinched their wrists and lodging assistance and cell phones. events, or peaceably demonstrate on pub- walking to the Service Employees Inter- dragged them off. lic streets. These protections are enshrined national Union’s “Take Back Labor Day” Later, we learned that Ramsey County by the Bill of Rights. The rising use of concert (featuring Iraq Veterans Against I was charged with “felony riot” and taken officers had driven many arrestees out to excessive paramilitary Riot Police in peace- the War, Billy Bragg, Mos Def, Tom Morello to Ramsey County Jail along with nearly the city limit in sketchy or desolate areas, ful public settings is a threat to all our free- and Atmosphere.) 200 others. At County I was subjected to stranding them without anything but the doms and they are meant to scare citizens an intense strip search and left waiting na- clothes on their backs. It was part of a spe- into complete submission. These forces are Unable to take the most direct route due ked in an open stall. I was then fitted with cific strategy to leave arrestees incapacitat- allowed to operate under a separate set of to police blockades, I stopped at a park to an orange prison jumpsuit and assigned ed, demoralized, and less likely to report or rules in which mass arbitrary arrest, exces- listen to the concert from across the river. I to a floor with other victims of coordinated take part in any of the RNC events during sive force, advanced military weaponry, then attempted to take a nearby bridge and mass arrests. We were all placed on 23 the final day of the Convention. and other human rights violations are not encountered rejected show goers. “The hour lock down (24 hour room confinement only tolerated, but encouraged. We will not cops have it all blocked off, and they’re with two 30 minute breaks). The Coldsnap Legal Collective estab- be deterred. not letting anybody through,” they said. lished a hotline for arrestees and everyone After a few blocks, we saw a massive wall It was approximately 20 hours before any- worked together to share information. We accept this particular legal victory on of military men and police officers in gas one was allowed to use a phone. We then Their highly organized campaign matched behalf of everyone who supported the Con- masks marching toward us, show goers shared phone numbers of legal collectives arrestees with affordable or pro bono attor- spiracy to Riot campaign. We encourage and protesters retreating before them. We on call specifically for unlawful arrests, so neys (or public defenders with whom they you to stay engaged and informed. Fighting quickly turned and headed in the opposite accounts could be given and preparations felt confident). In court, the Prosecutor’s back takes effort, but it is absolutely neces- direction. To our dismay, another large made for assistance. Anxiety ran high as office put up a tough front and immediately sary... in the street, at work, in school, and police force had blocked off the opposite we encountered arrestees who had been began to bully arrestees into plea bargain- in the courtroom. end of the narrow park. detained days before us but still hadn’t ing whether there was any evidence to seen a judge, and word spread about a support their claims or not. The intent was Read more about Jared’s experience and People were screaming: “They’re not let- younger RNC arrestee severely beaten in to intimidate by threatening harsh penalties the Conspiracy to Riot at strangefamousre- ting anyone out, they’re not letting anyone his cell. and make us weary of the travel expenses, cords.com/conspiracy. 41 42 Illustrations by Neil Williams Her Name Was Frog, and She Had a Beard By Justin Winzey

A while back, my band was purchasing we were fifteen minutes away, when we equipment on craigslist.org fairly regu- thought we were lost and Neil called her for larly. Our drummer got an insanely cheap directions. I never would have climbed into drum rack, I picked up an amplifier for fifty a van harboring the thought, “Let’s go meet dollars below list, and we got fairly large a girl named Frog in a warehouse!” PA speakers for next to nothing. On one occasion, on a sojourn to West Berkeley, Upon arrival to the neighborhood, we could CA, we were shown quite dramatically that tell that we were no longer in Kansas. the Internet can be a very scary place to Shady figures stood in shadows between meet people. buildings. There seemed to be a constant soundtrack of sirens and car alarms. At this We were buying an amplifier for our bassist point it was almost 11:00 p.m., and I was Neil. He had contacted a girl in Berkeley pretty sure that we were lost in Youar- who was selling a lot of audio equipment egoingtogetshotville. As Neil continued to because she was moving to New York. She converse with Frog, he steered the van into happened to have a bass amp with an ex- a parking lot next to a warehouse. Peering tremely low price tag, so we and our good into the building’s open door as we headed buddy Leonard hopped into Neil’s van and towards a parking space, I felt my worries hit the road. escalate into full-on terrors. I was traveling to an industrial district in There is a man with long green hair, wear- West Berkeley to purchase audio equip- ing a top hat and tuxedo complete with ment from a “lady” named Frog. I hadn’t coattails. His pantaloons end at his knees noticed that her name was Frog until (as pantaloons should), and black and 44 white striped socks continue down his legs, laundry. Someone is going to stab me with disappearing into to black shoes that curl a syringe. I am going to pass out and wake at the tip. He saunters out of view, allowing up as one of them. my attention to travel to the activity right at the warehouse door. We climb out of the Neil’s gone out to see if he left his money in van and head inside. the van. We follow, walking past a girl with blue hair who seems to be talking to me. I Let me point out now that we do not look a bit closer and realize that she is not survive this journey due to our extreme talking to me. She’s not even really look- intelligence. Upon entering, I realize that we ing at me. She is looking through me, into are in some sort of heroin addict’s squat. some sort of parallel dimension. I have no Passing the random pieces of furniture idea what kinds of sounds she is making, scattered across the floor, my attention but I am positive that they are not words. is drawn to a ten foot canvas painting of t-bone steaks that is hanging on the far “I know I had that money. Where could it wall toward the ceiling. Next to it hangs a have gone. Dude, seriously, when I walked twelve foot mask that could possibly be out of the house I had... ” some sort of stage prop. In the current context, I am worried that there might be a “Neil,” I say in a hushed tone, interrupting creature hiding somewhere that can wear out of sheer fear. “Forget it. You’re short it. In one corner of the warehouse, a mini thirty bucks. Either Frog is going to take dance club is set up. Expensive leather what you have, or we’re leaving.” couches, thousands of dollars of DJ equip- ment and a well kept dance floor contrast Neil goes back inside the den. Leonard and starkly with the disheveled state of the rest I wait right outside the warehouse, close of this place. enough to see what is going on inside but far enough away to make a quick escape. It isn’t until we step into the small room A minute goes by, then Neil comes out car- where Frog has her equipment that I actu- rying a bass amp. Thank God. Thank God ally get a good look at her. It is androgyny that he came out alive. As we leave, Green at its cocaine-induced, Goth-booted finest: Haired Man and Blue Haired Girl are sit- disheveled hair of nondescript length, ting on the ground. They are both digging baggy clothing hiding a shapeless body, a through a tackle box full of broken crayons. beard and the voice of someone that has Neither one of them has a coloring book. been smoking for 45 years. Did I mention she has a beard? I’m not saying, “She has “Good luck in New York,” Neil says to a bit of a hormone issue and please don’t Frog. After all, she’s jumping on the plane say anything about it it’s kind of an embar- tomorrow. rassing subject.” I’m talking MAN beard. She has more hair on her face than I can “Yeah, you have fun in New York!” she grow on mine. gleefully answers back. It is at this point that I finally see the entire depth of the I turn and catch a glimpse of the man with situation crash down on Neil. We exchange green hair and the tuxedo and the curly terrified looks and climb into the van. shoes. Now that I am within earshot, I real- ize he is also wearing bells. He’s wearing Her name was Frog, and she had a beard. bells, and he jingles when he walks. I call it a costume, but I know he wears it every day. I also know that I’m not dreaming, be- cause none of my dreams are this strange. I hear Neil say that he’s lost thirty dollars. My brain barely processes the sound. Across the warehouse I here a man excit- edly yell, “That’s a lot of shit! Where’d you get all that man; that’s a lot of shit!!” My brain starts forming terrifying scenarios as I continue to watch Green Haired Man do 45 while it was still spinning. Since our pizza pan has holes in it, I covered it with wax Pizza? For DESSERT? paper so nothing could ooze through. Once Article and photos By Dr. Knife it was done baking, I let it cool to room temperature and spread the softened ice A few months ago while browsing one of cream over the crust. Then I had to play the my favorite thrift stores I found a really cool waiting game while the ice cream refroze. cookbook entitled “Wild About Ice Cream.” I failed at the waiting game and fell asleep Since I am wild about ice cream and the on the couch. book only cost 80 cents, I bought it. When I got home a certain recipe jumped off the The next morning I resumed constructing page. You may have already guessed: It the pizza. I made a pinwheel pattern with was ice cream pizza. the chocolate, butterscotch and raspber- ries, then my beautiful wife poured a swirl I knew that I had to make this. To me, of chocolate sauce over the top as a finish- pizza is one of the few food items that ing touch. can appeal to everyone regardless of food preference. If you are vegan you can have This kind of project is very rewarding soy cheese. If you are gluten intolerant you because it allows free flowing thoughts to can make gluten free pizza crust. If you incorporate themselves into the foods we love meat you can have as many different eat. I, for instance, was able to incorporate meats on a pizza as humanly possible. the pinwheel pattern I had discovered in my If you don’t like red sauce you can use a PhD research into something that is easily white sauce. and deliciously shared with others. After all, this is one of the main ideas behind Ice I love any and all kinds of pizza, so when Cream Man’s existence: to share ideas, ice the ice cream pizza recipe fell in my lap I cream and fun. knew it was destiny. I also knew that Ice Cream Man makes a beautiful magazine Dr. Knife’s Ice Cream Pizza Recipe every year for South by Southwest. Again, Ingredients: destiny. 2 cups finely ground pecans or walnuts 2 cups graham cracker crumbs After carefully reading the recipe I set out ½ cup packed dark brown sugar for the store to gather ingredients. I wanted 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon a variety of good colors and flavors for ¾ cup butter, melted my dessert, so I chose to top my pizza 2 quarts ice cream, vanilla, slightly softened with chocolate sauce, raspberries, and butterscotch and chocolate morsels. I also Assorted sauces: fudge, chocolate, melba, decided to mix 1½ cups of pecans and ½ etc. cup of walnuts into the crust. Assorted toppings: raspberries, halved nuts, chocolate chips, mandarin orange The ice cream is the most important part slices, halved cherries of the pizza. It ties all of the ingredients to- gether and centers the dish. In light of this Directions: fact, I feel very lucky to live only 30 miles Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Crush and away from a top notch dairy farm. I speak mix nuts, graham cracker crumbs, sugar, of Lonchmead Farms of Junction City, cinnamon, and butter. Pat mixture evenly OR, a family business that makes some of on a 12 inch pizza pan, forming a ridge the best ice cream you can buy in stores. around the edge of the pan. Bake 10-12 I am also lucky to live three blocks from minutes. Cool to room temperature. Spread Dairy Mart, a local convenience store that ice cream on crust with a metal spatula, features local dairy products. After calming then freeze until hard, around 3-4 hours. down from all of this good luck I picked up a half gallon of vanilla ice cream. To serve, arrange desired toppings over ice cream and drizzle with sauce. Cut pizza Now the fun could begin. I used our food into wedges. Serves 8-10. processor to chop and mix all of the crust ingredients, then added the melted butter 47 48 Blog Clog: We Don’t Need Another Music Site By Scott McDonald Tired of the ridiculous amount of music blog thinks is the next best thing. Bloggers blogs out there? It seems like a new site need content and something to brag about, rears its ugly head every minute, claiming PR agencies need to fulfill their promises of to have the inside scoop on the greatest press and coverage with the great voices new band, most groundbreaking low-fi of young American blog culture, and every- bedroom pop act, or the official doctrine one’s worried about missing out on a group on what’s “indie.” It’s out of control, folks, that everyone else has already sunken his and it needs to stop. There’s going to be a teeth into. Ugh. heavy presence of generic bands dur- ing South by Southwest, most of them Finally, what gives anyone the power to grabbing too much of the attention, and start a blog? Hell, you don’t need any cre- it’s because of some new music blog that dentials to build a web page, take photos, needs content but has no idea what’s really steal music and post it for free. There’s worth writing about. no test that could possibly measure your musical IQ. There’s zero accountability We’ve already got a ton of great music in online media, and there’s too much of sites. For many years we’ve become very it to be bothered with in the first place. familiar with a few examples that have Most bloggers end up writing about bands cd/lp out now proven to be reliable taste makers, offer- they know, or got a free disc from, so they "Sweet, sinister, ironic and a whole host of other things all at once; cd/lp out April 28 ing the latest music and information on can publish a new post without spending this is one to cling onto." –subba-cultcha.com UK bands before the label or public relations time on a piece that may require research company even knows about them (see: and effort. I’m tired of bands with shitty Stereogum, Gorilla vs. Bear, Chromewaves, four-track recordings of inaudible noise and Aquarium Drunkard). Sites like these and overzealous stage performances that work because they write to a niche audi- attempt to compensate for an obvious lack ence and educate us with something more of musical talent. If there’s a blog covering important than the next best act holding these kinds of bands on a regular basis, fort at The Smell. These blogs consistently then aren’t the blogs just as shabby? prove a band’s validity by sourcing its relevant influences, accurately nailing the The internet has created a lot of freedom listening experience, or urging us to absorb and exposure for artists who would have the artist’s twist on a classic style. Of never gotten a word written about them in course, these sites are just a few examples, their entire career, but that’s because most but they’re the main players for a reason. acts are simply mediocre to begin with. It’s what some people refer to as ‘setting www.hotpanda.ca www.immaculatemachine.com Blogs are also becoming a poor resource the bar.’ Sure, everyone has the right to be for major labels desperately snatching up heard, but do they honestly deserve it? CBC Radio 3, KOOP's This Great White North, and BeatRoute present: Saturday Mar. 21 bands in hopes of aligning themselves mint records' SXSW label showcase! 8pm-2am with new audiences. Labels used to be the Scott is a music writer. You can unclog his The Evaporators • The Handsome Family • Pack A.D. Habana Calle 6 ultimate source for the next best thing, but blog at surfingonsteam.com. Immaculate Machine • Hot Panda • Jill Barber 709 E. 6th St., Austin, TX now they’re more concerned with what a 49 in magazines, which showed up around 1981, though the Scratch N Sniff process debuted in 1965. The stickers started out in supply catalogs for teachers and afterward spread to public outlets. The sticker trend was pretty out of control during the 1980s, and Scratch N Sniff stickers experienced their golden age in that decade. Scratch N Sniff Stickers are still made, but but the manufacturers have moved to a glossy finish for the stickers, which apparently doesn’t hold the scent quite as well as the matte stickers of old. Check out Mello Smello if you’re interested; they still make a bouquet of stickers including birthday cake, baby powder, popcorn and pizza, Photo by jelene (flickr.com/photos/jelene/) among others. flames for child collectors. What started as a line of trading cards parodying Cabbage Photo by Sheely S (flickr.com/photos/shellysblogger/) Patch Kids and designed as an accompa- Interesting Facts About Things You Didn’t Know You niment to Garbage Candy exploded into By Kate Schruth a full line of merchandise and a cultural Wanted to Know Interesting Facts About moment in time. There were t-shirts, lunch Circus Peanuts throughout their home and gift shop, so if you visit, you’re encouraged to bring boxes, school supplies and, lest we forget, Now here is a more than slightly enigmatic veggies for the fluff balls, but no carrots, the not-so-ubiquitous Garbage Pail Kids candy, described on the Spangler Candy please. movie. Currently boasting a 0% on Rotten website (which also offers a recipe for Tomatoes, the movie was written and directed by Rodney Amateau, who worked making Circus Peanuts at home) as “fun, Slot Car Racing peanut-shaped marshmallows … orange on My Mother the Car, The Dukes of Haz- colored and banana flavored but [contain- The first slot cars available to the aver- zard and Gilligan’s Island. As The Garbage ing] no peanuts!” Although the candy’s age consumer were made by the Lionel Pail Kids Movie was the last thing Amateau flavors and colors have varied somewhat Corporation, a toy manufacturer that made ever directed, it seems that the film might have actually ended his career. through the years, banana is that flavor toys from 1900-1993 and specialized in Photo by Caleb Cohen (flickr.com/photos/pittcaleb/) that you haven’t been able to put your model railroads (they also made the Easy finger on – or is it the pork skin in the Bake Oven). While Lionel discontinued slot Cookie Monster gelatin? Circus Peanuts have been around car production early on in the 20th Century, since the 1800s, when they were sold on other companies picked up the mantle. Originally known as the Wheel Stealer, a penny-candy basis and appeared only in Though the 1960s saw a boom in slot car designed by Jim Henson for a General the spring. Maybe Circus Peanuts’ largest popularity, the 1970s brought specializa- Foods commercial, Cookie Monster went claim to fame, besides being a mystery tion, clubs, regulations and technological through a few metamorphoses before he of flavor for the ages, would be their very advances. Slot cars, tracks and controllers appeared as the monster we know and direct hand in inspiring General Mills Vice now all come in different forms and which love on Sesame Street. He even sang a President John Holahan, to invent Lucky style, size and build you choose depends song on the show in 2004 where he admits Charms after having bits of Circus Peanuts greatly on how serious a racer you are. to having been someone named “Sid” sprinkled over his breakfast cereal. Can’t before he ate his first cookie and became you just taste it now? Yummy. Garbage Pail Kids Cookie Monster (these facts and more can Photo by Lushie Peach (flickr.com/photos/lushiepeach/) be uncovered on a muppet.wikia.com, a The Bunny Museum Topps had just about ridden the last wave wiki dedicated solely to Muppets). Cookie of popularity for Wacky Packages, stickers Scratch N Sniff Stickers Monster’s birthday is November 2nd, so There is a free Bunny Museum in Pasa- and cards bearing twisted takes on product send him a card or something. dena, CA. Open 365 days a year, the art and catch phrases like “Cap’n Crud,” “Scratch N Sniff” is actually a trademarked museum is located in a couple’s home, “Bit-O-Money” and “Monotony: The Board name for a printing process in which tiny packed to the brim with bunnies both living Game” when Garbage Pail Kids started microcapsules of fragrance are adhered and stuffed. It has bunny collectibles from getting attention. They were a great idea on to paper. The tiny beads of perfume are floor to ceiling and wall to wall, currently their own, but owe much of their immense broken open by friction – that’d be your amounting to 24,032 items – that’s the success to lawsuits and school and parent fingers vigorously scratching a syrup most in the world. The owners of the bans – giving an already naughty product scented waffle sticker. The same technol- museum also let their bun buns roam free contraband status simply fanned the ogy is also used in pull-apart perfume ads 51 52 Caritas of Austin and Austin Children’s Hospital. We picked these because we felt like they would have the most immediate and lasting effect in our area. We were first drawn to Any Baby Can when we were looking for more information about The Candle Lighters in Austin. Any Bay Can cares for terminally ill children, and it’s completely voluntary. The group is one-dollar-in-one-dollar-out, so they need nonprofits to sponsor them administratively in different areas. We love children’s charities like Any Baby Can. We also like to give back to the com- munity and help support the less fortunate. We’ll work with any charity that helps people, and raises awareness for good causes. We don’t always choose charities; they often choose us. Lately we’ve been trying to organize an event for St. Jude Rocking With the Angels Children’s Hospital. By Shell-O Do you believe your mission will ever Say Hello To The Angels is a band from catch on and that other bands will paral- Austin, Texas that is attempting to rally lel what you are doing or create their people to spread happiness. Their mission own similar plan? is to include charity as a not-so-silent fifth member of the band by contributing their I dream that one day there will be a touring profits to charity. Here’s a quick interview festival that would sponsor various chari- with singer Dustin Stroud. ties. We own the name “Rock for a Rea- son,” and would gladly turn it over to Kevin What is your mission with your charity Lyman if he were interested in making a events? production out of it. I think he is the only person in the business that’d be capable of For events we donate all proceeds (the that and understand what we are trying to profits after the club’s production costs) do. The tour could be funded by corporate to charity. From our donations we give as sponsorship. Most of the money they used much as we can afford. So far that has to fund and subsidize the tour would be consistently been 20% of our profits. tax deductible. That’s a REAL bail out for America. Why have you taken this completely dif- ferent direction? How do other bands and fans respond to your plan? We don’t think it’s a totally different direc- tion. Many bands and labels like Thrice, Everyone’s happy to get involved. It feels Rise Against and Hopeless Records have good, and it serves the greater good. There taken a stand for their communities and is not too much of that out there these people in need. In times of crisis the days. People love to be entertained, so impulse is to give less. The real need is to fans can be entertained and make a differ- give more. Punk rock/post-hardcore music ence for people at the same time. That’s a was founded on these principals. “Class A” experience.

What charities have you worked with so For more information on Say Hello to the far, is there any specific reason you’ve Angels and the charities mentioned in this chosen them? article, check out myspace.com/sayhello- totheangelsband, abcaus.org, caritas.com We’ve worked closely with Any Baby Can, and stjude.org. 53 Musical Tastes By Zachary Mann

66. The A-Team’s driver, if he had a hint for 7-DOWN nephew 31. British grandma 67. Microwave 32. Musical staple at SXSW 68. Dr. Beckett to hologram Al 34. A pendulum swings to ______69. Word following hot, sweet or Mr. 36. Ian Holm’s android in the movie Alien 37. Key lime or humble Across 35. Maple syrup source Down 40. “______Mac. ______PC.” 1. 1950 Billboard chart topper or an impro- 38. Small, narrow boat 1. Approves again 41. Body ink, for short vised floor cleaner 39. Some people do it at salons 2. Relating to limbs or extremities 43. An electronica musician with sensual 7. Resume stat. 40. “It’s me” for grammar nazis 3. Eyes and jaws can be made of this teaches 10. Right hand man 42. One might justify the means 4. Speed Racer’s was number five 46. Renter 14. Cream-filled French donut 43. Small lake 5. Greasy 47. Chemical substance suffix 15. Rowing device 44. A papier craft 6. Nick Cave album: “Tender ______” (on 49. Jail 16. Small problem 45. Would ______to you? vinyl) 50. Austin rock heroes 17. Soothsayer from The Matrix Trilogy 48. Key of the opening to Tchaikovsky’s 7. Eric Clapton and company read this zine 51. Historic Egyptian explorer 18. Light switch settings Piano Concerto No. 1 8. Captain Hook’s mortal enemy 53. Rhea in the sitcom “Cheers” 19. Busy wildfire opponents in “America’s 50. Is a punk rocker 9. Mary-Kate and Ashley’s Hollywood dad 54. Beginning Finest City”: abbr. 52. _____-Magnon 10. Agreement 55. A holiday song involving the World 20. Chewbacca’s home planet 53. Pigeon talk 11. What Harrison Ford listens to when he 58. Small lottery game on the walls of 22. “___ Afraid of the Dark?” 56. Just under 31 trillion kilometers wants to feel scene Vegas 24. Grease removing chemical in sham- 57. Guitar Hero, but fun 12. Oscar-nominated Willem 59. E. Coli, for ex. poos and toothpastes: abbr. 60. According to some, by whose fault the 13. Read from bottom to top: a tender push 62. Eggs 25. Circle of flowers Beatles broke up 21. Call out at 26. They were “Lone” in an X-Files spin-off 61. Garden tool 23. A real crappy place to be stuck Answers on pg 60. 27. Fiona or a healthy snack 63. Defensive end Javon with an appropri- 27. In the past 29. Caesar’s reproach ate name 28. Edgar Allan 30. You killed his father. Prepare to die. 64. ______and Future King 30. When flavored and mixed with dairy, a 33. Future J.D.’s obstacle 65. Longoria or Mendes 55 56 The Big Engine That Couldn’t Memory Rally By Megan Costello Article and art by Jake Feala Say what you will about minivans, but I is parking sparse in San Francisco, none of Memories disappear, and it sucks. You’ve Follow along closely, because it’s compli- would trade my BMW for the chance to them is big or secure enough for a car that spent thousands of monetary and emo- cated. One person, usually the ugliest of drive mine out of the junkyard in a heart- costs more than the annual income of an tional currency on road trips to Mexico, the group, starts by yelling, “Memory Rally, beat. entry level job. tickets to your favorite band (Hatebeak), Mothereffers!!” (Don’t forget the “1”). Once and pants-off dance-offs, but what do you this has echoed several times, members of That not true. I don’t own a BMW. My Maybe cars just aren’t suited for cities have to show for it if you can’t remember the party instantaneously arrange them- roommate does. I’d trade his. like San Francisco. Maybe they’re meant every happy, expensive detail? Here’s selves in a circle. The first person turns on for weekend excursions like a drive to the the good news: It’s not the memories that the random word generator in their brain My first and only car was an eggplant-pur- snow. A nice sports car could take the are gone, but the trigger. The memories and comes up with a topic. It could be any- ple 1990 Dodge Caravan. Before the keys mountain passes with ease, handling the are waiting to be stumbled upon, like an thing: “soup,” for example. Then the play- were passed to my capable and loving 16 curvy roads like a champ, and get you to overgrown path in the woods. How can we ers go around the circle, counterclockwise year-old hands, it was the family vehicle the slopes with enough time for a cup of find all those amazing misplaced stories? (always counterclockwise! this is crucial to that carted the Costello children across the hot cocoa before the first lift. Memory Rally, Mothereffers!! the game, goddamnit!), and everyone tells United States and Canada. Under my reign a story about soup. It doesn’t have to be it was outfitted with a CD player and huge Wrong. The closest this BMW got my This is a game that requires at least two funny or interesting, only fast. dent in the back door, then given the title of friends and me to the snow was the last friends and three drinks per player. Some The Ghetto Van. It was my beloved chariot, K-Mart before the foothills. The “asshole” might say, “But I don’t have time,” “I work Here’s one that would work: “When I was even if its transmission died on a first date. glances were in full force when we inquired too much,” or, “My life sucks; why would a kid, I used to hate split pea soup. Then, abut buying chains for the beast. Apparent- I want to remember it?” Shut up, I say to one time my mom made split pea soup for Years later, The Ghetto Van is resting ly, BMW tires are too fancy to be adorned that. Shut up and get some drugs, quit your dinner and wouldn’t let me leave the table somewhere in a suburban junkyard. I with such accoutrements. After an hour at job, read some Kerouac – do something until I ate an entire bowl. Now I hate split have a bike, a bus pass and a roommate the auto-center counter of Wal-Mart calling that makes you realize that the world is pea soup.” This story would be allowed, with a fancy new BMW. The make is not every tire store in the tri-county radius, beautiful. Then come back, although it is customary to try to come up mentioned out of praise, but out of spite. we lost another hour looking for a place because that’s a given for this game, and with something better. After the last player Before getting behind the wheel of that car, to ditch the useless vehicle for something we need to be on the same page. (the one who came up with the topic) tells I put on sunglasses and a hat. I avoid eye a little more practical. Once we had suc- her soup story, then the next person in the contact with any drivers or pedestrians, ceeded, more time was lost driving back to Memory Rally, Mothereffers! was invented circle thinks of a new topic for everyone to afraid to be seen for fear of their judgmen- a big city to trade up for a beat up Toyota by three geniuses at a party. Sometimes follow. tal glares screaming “asshole” at me. I just with a set of chains. By the time we made parties are fun, like when people are danc- want to roll down the window and say, “I it to the slopes, there was nothing left to do ing in a basement in the summer and it’s so About half of the stories are terrible. Half hate me for driving it too,” but I usually but drink. hot that you grab bags of frozen broccoli the time, though, the story topics trig- can’t locate the power window buttons. out of the freezer put them on your heads. ger amazing memories that you had lost The BMW is simply not suitable for driving. Other parties are not fun at all. At one of completely. You drink a drink from your BMW owners praise its aesthetics, speed It’s the fur coat that never gets worn for these not-fun parties, one of the aforemen- drink, and the whole rambling, delicious and flawless German engineering. All I see fear of PETA protesters, the china that is tioned geniuses came up with the idea to story sprays out of your mouth like a word is a magnet for parking tickets, speed- too precious to actually eat off of, the dia- exchange random, stupid stories about our rainbow and it BLOWS EVERYBODY’S ing tickets, turning right where you can’t mond necklace too expensive to wear out pasts. Thus, the game of Memory Rally, MIND. Then it’s someone else’s turn. tickets, and any other sort of ticket one of the house. It is the international symbol Mothereffers! was born. could receive. Any time saved driving is for asshole with too much money. At least Memory Rally, Mothereffers! lost trying to find a space to park – not only the minivan had a spacious interior. 57 58 Musical Tastes By Zachary Mann

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