400+ scripts now downloadable! agazine.com www.playsm 2) (see details on page 1

THE DRAMA MAGAZINE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE APRIL 2015

UPPER GRADES The Haunting of Hathaway House. . . . John Murray 2 POne Shininlg Moament. . . y...... s . Michael Weems 13 DRAMATIZED CLASSIC (F OR UPPER GRADES ) The Merchant of Venice...... William Shakespeare 17 Adapted by Carol D. Wise

MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES Rapunzel...... Adapted by Adele Thane 29 The Spirit in the Bottle...... Bruce Berger 39 Chef’s Surprise...... Craig Sodaro 44 Melodrama at Mayfair Meadows ...... Roberta Olsen Major 54

PUPPET PLAY (F OR ALL GRADES ) Romeo the Toad and Juliet the Frog . . . . Roger Kise 59 Terms of Use • Vol. 74, No. 6

Subscribers . Persons and entities with subscriptions in force at the time of the performance may produce the plays in any issue of this magazine royalty-free, provided the performance is part of a regular school or dramatic club activity. Such persons and entities may also reproduce copies of the individual play being produced for members of the cast, and may videotape or record rehearsals or performances of the play, for use by such members in connection with preparation for a performance of the play. Subscribers may not videotape or record the production of the play for any other reason, and may not reproduce or transmit the production via television or radio, or via the internet or other electronic methods, without the written permission of, and the payment of any required royalties to, Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. Non-subscribers . Persons and entities that are not current subscribers to this magazine must apply in writing to Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. for royalty quotations and permission to copy, reproduce, distribute, transmit, publicly display, or publicly perform any of the plays herein. Permission will be granted on a per-performance basis only, and under no condition may permission be transferred. All readers . All rights not expressly granted by these paragraphs are reserved by Plays/Sterling Partners, Inc. If you have a question about the rights granted herein, or would like to request permission to per - form, distribute, transmit, display or copy any of the literary or dra - matic works in this magazine, please contact PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People, 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460.

Publisher : PETER A. D IMOND Editor : ELIZABETH PRESTON Editorial Assistant : PAIGE TURNER Customer Service : LINDA HAND Shipping : WOODY PALLET Cover Illustration : CHRIS DEMAREST 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460-0002 (617) 630-9100 Toll-free: (800) 630-5755 Fax: (617) 630-9101 E-mail: [email protected]

© Sterling Partners, Inc. 2015. Title registered as trademark.

PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People (ISSN 0032-1540, USPS 473-810) is published seven times a year, monthly except June, July, August, and September, and bimonthly January/February, by STERLING PARTNERS, INC., 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460. Subscription rates: 1 year, $55.00; 2 years, $100.00. Canadian: Add $12 per year to cover postage. All other for - eign: Add $25 per year to cover postage. Canadian & other foreign sub - scriptions must be paid in U.S. funds drawn on a U.S. bank (or if in U.S. funds drawn on foreign bank, add $4 U.S.). Periodicals postage paid at Boston, MA, and additional offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Plays/Sterling Partners 897 Washington St. #600160 Newton, MA 02460 Printed in U.S.A. April 2015

The drama magazine for young people What you’ll findPin tl hiayss issue. . . For upper grades The Haunting of Hathaway House , by John Murray 14 actors: 7 female, 4 male, 3 male/female; 30 minutes. A spooky drama set in an old manor house, with insistently ringing telephone, creaking doors, thunder and lightning, and a creepy surprise ending.

One Shining Moment , by Michael Weems 3 actors: 2 male, 1 female; 15 minutes. After accidentally creating a scene at his school’s awards ceremony, Kevin weighs whether or not he wants the “glory” of being an anonymous cut-up or if he should come forward to acknowledge his role and take his punishment.

The Merchant of Venice , by William Shakespeare, adapted by Carol D. Wise 14 actors: 11 male, 3 female; 35 minutes. Shakespeare’s classic tale of a loan made with a “pound of flesh” given as collateral, and the choice suitors make in vying for the hand of the rich heiress Portia. For middle and lower grades Rapunzel , adapted from the Brothers Grimm by Adele Thane 7 actors: 4 female, 3 male; 25 minutes. The classic fairy tale of a dollmaker who makes a terrible bargain with a witch, only to see his daughter carried away and imprisoned in a tower; the only way out is a long golden braid of her hair and true love.

The Spirit in the Bottle , by Bruce Berger 6 actors: 3 male, 1 female, 2 male/female; 15 minutes. A fun read-aloud play with genie, beautiful princess, and sweet woodcutter doing their best to save the Kingdom from a terrible ogre.

Chef’s Surprise , by Craig Sodaro 8 actors: 4 female, 4 male; 25 minutes. Two “French” chefs make a mess out of a fancy birthday dinner while saving the guest of honor from his murderous nieces.

Melodrama at Mayfair Meadows , by Roberta Olsen Major 15+ actors: 4 male, 4 female, 7+ male/female for Director, Quartet, Chorus; 25 min - utes. Singing melodrama for a large cast, with fair maidens, evil villain, oncoming train, and a vote by the audience on who gets to be saved. For all grades Romeo the Toad and Juliet the Frog , by Roger Kise 9 hand puppets and 4 to 6 rod puppets for dancers at the ball. May also be played by male/female actors. A clever version of one of the greatest love stories ever toad.

APRIL 2015 1 Upper Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

The Haunting of Hathaway House Ghosts and the supernatural cast eerie shadows over an old mansion. . . .

by John Murray

Characters SCENE 1 : The Telephone BEFORE RISE : Area before curtain is NARRATOR dimly lighted. Colored spotlights may move across curtain to create eerie LAURA HATHAWAY, young effects. NARRATOR enters. woman NARRATOR (Mysteriously ): Good AUNT ELIZABETH, elderly woman evening. We are about to visit a haunt - ed house. . .but we will not see ghosts VICTOR HATHAWAY, Laura’s hus - or spectres from another world, for the haunting of Hathaway House is quite band a different matter. ( Ring of telephone THOMAS BRENT, young lawyer is heard. ) How often have you heard a telephone ring? ( Telephone rings MISS PHIPPS, elderly housekeeper again. ) Can anyone ever know who— or what—is waiting at the other end of CYNTHIA the line? ( Telephone rings again. ) That SPENCER HATHAWAY, Victor’s telephone call might be ( Pointing into audience )—for you! ( NARRATOR brother exits. Curtains open .) * * * KIM, his wife TIME : Late evening. JOSH GRAHAM SETTING : Drawing room of Hathaway MAURA, Josh’s wife House. Through French window, upstage, occasional flashes of lightning AUNT SARAH, Kim’s aunt are seen. Sounds of thunder are heard. There is sofa down left, and telephone LT. FELTON on table beside it. police officers LT. THORNE AT RISE : LAURA HATHAWAY stands

2 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com near French window, pulling back aunt, not to us. Why did you ever bring drapes and staring out at storm. AUNT me here? ELIZABETH, wearing black shawl, sits on sofa. She touches telephone, then VICTOR (Laughing bitterly ): You’re a nods to herself. There is flash of light - silly fool! ning. LAURA jumps, then crosses hur - riedly to sit beside ELIZABETH. LAURA (Hysterically ): But you don’t understand! Elizabeth still waits every ELIZABETH : Were you frightened by the day for Jonathan to telephone her— lightning, dear? A storm can be fright - and he’s been dead for six weeks! ening. (Sudden crash of thunder is heard. She points to French window; frenzied ) We LAURA (Nervously ): No, no, I’m not all know he’s out there in the family afraid. Aunt Elizabeth, won’t you let vault. We went to the funeral and saw me help you to your room? them seal the door of his tomb!

ELIZABETH : No, I must wait a little VICTOR : My dear Laura, we know that longer. ( Points to telephone ) I must be Uncle Jonathan is dead, but Aunt awake, in case Jonathan calls tonight. Elizabeth can’t seem to accept it. You (Crash of thunder is heard. LAURA know Jonathan was always afraid of jumps nervously .) You’re very nervous, being buried alive. That’s why he stip - my child. Really, you shouldn’t be ulated in his will that a telephone afraid of Hathaway House. It was once should be installed in the vault. So a happy place, but now there are only here we have it—a direct line to memories. ( Suddenly ) I must light the Jonathan Hathaway’s vault. ( Points to fire in Jonathan’s room. ( She stands .) telephone ) He always loved to sit and watch the fire. ( She pats LAURA’s hand reassur - LAURA (Wringing her hands ): I know ingly. ) We’ll have a cup of tea as soon all that, but— as I get back. ( She exits, smiling to her - self. Restlessly, LAURA crosses to VICTOR (Interrupting ): Jonathan was a French window, pulls back drapes. wealthy man. When Aunt Elizabeth is Sudden flash of lightning reveals a gone, Spencer and I will inherit the man standing outside. LAURA millions of dollars he left to her. Think screams in terror, backs away. The of it, Laura—millions of dollars! man, VICTOR HATHAWAY, opens window, steps into room .) LAURA (Drawing away, frightened ): I don’t want the money, Victor. Please— LAURA (In relief; nearly hysterical ): can’t we just go home? Victor, it’s you! You frightened me! VICTOR (Soothingly ): All in good time, VICTOR (Roughly ): What’s the matter my dear. When Aunt Elizabeth is no with you, Laura? You can’t go to pieces longer with us. now! LAURA : Don’t say such things! LAURA (Frantically ): Oh, Victor, please let’s go! I can’t stay here another night! VICTOR (Abruptly ): Where is she?

VICTOR (Sarcastically ): Why? Are you LAURA (Pointing to door ): Upstairs— afraid of my Uncle Jonathan? preparing Jonathan’s room.

LAURA : Yes! This house belongs to your VICTOR : Good. I don’t want anything

APRIL 2015 3 happening to her—yet. I have other LAURA : I won’t let you do this! I’m plans for her. I’m going upstairs for a going to tell her what you’re planning! moment myself. ( He exits. Offstage, clock is heard chiming eleven. As it VICTOR (Threateningly ): No, I don’t chimes, LAURA paces the floor. ) think you’ll do that. ( She backs away from him, frightened .) Cooperate with LAURA : Eleven o’clock. Uncle Jonathan me, Laura, and in a little while you’ll died at eleven o’clock. ( She sits on sofa, have the luxuries you’ve always want - stares at phone. Suddenly, it rings. ed. ( ELIZABETH enters .) LAURA screams, jumps to her feet. Phone rings again. Slowly, her hand ELIZABETH : It’s so nice and warm in trembling, she picks up receiver, speaks Jonathan’s room. Such a bright fire! I into phone .) Yes? . . .Who’s there? know he’ll be delighted. (Shrilly ) Why don’t you answer? Please, answer me! ( Slowly, she hangs VICTOR : How about a cup of tea, Aunt up receiver .) There was no one on the Elizabeth? line! ( Behind her, drapes at French window move. She turns and begins to LAURA (Quickly ): I’ll fix it. walk toward window as if sleepwalk - ing, her hand outstretched trembling. VICTOR : No, Laura. I’ll take care of it. Suddenly drape is thrown aside and You sit here with Aunt Elizabth. ( He VICTOR strides into room. LAURA exits right .) gasps and collapses onto sofa .) Victor, what were you doing out there? LAURA (Desperately ): Wouldn’t you like to lie down, Auntie? I’ll bring the tea to VICTOR : Conducting a little experi - your room. ment. ELIZABETH (Sadly ): No, I’ll wait here a LAURA (Suddenly ): The telephone! The little while longer. The telephone call, telephone rang from Jonathan’s vault! you know. ( She sits on sofa. )

VICTOR : Relax. I’m an electrical engi - LAURA : But it’s so cold in here. neer! I’m hardly a novice at working with telephones. ELIZABETH : I don’t mind the cold, my dear. You know, I feel so close to LAURA (Horrified ): You made that Jonathan tonight. Oh, how he loved to phone ring? sit in this room with me! He never liked being alone. ( Gestures to phone ) VICTOR : Yes. I spliced the wire and con - That’s why he wanted the telephone. nected it to a buzzer outside. ( Men- He was afraid of being left out there— acingly ) I don’t intend to wait any alone—in the dark. longer to inherit the Hathaway fortune. LAURA (Nervously ): Please don’t talk LAURA : Stop talking like that, Victor! like that, Aunt Elizabeth.

VICTOR : Quiet! When Aunt Elizabeth ELIZABETH (Taking her hand ): Don’t comes back, I’ll make some excuse to worry, dear. Someday Jonathan will leave the room. Then the telephone come back, and I’ll never be alone will ring again. . . .Perhaps the shock again. ( Telephone rings. LAURA jumps will be too much for Aunt Elizabeth’s and stares at ELIZABETH in terror. heart. ELIZABETH smiles happily .) It’s Jonathan! I knew he’d call. ( She reach -

4 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com es for telephone. LAURA grabs her ELIZABETH (Handing raincoat to hand .) LAURA ): Go quickly! Jonathan is wait - ing for you! ( LAURA puts on coat, LAURA (Desperately ): Don’t answer walks toward French window. ) that phone! Don’t you understand? Jonathan is dead! ( Phone rings again .) VICTOR (Starting after her ): I’m com - ing, too. ( They exit. ELIZABETH ELIZABETH (With quiet dignity ): Please, stands looking after them. Suddenly Laura, I must answer. ( LAURA releas - telephone rings. She picks up receiver .) es her hand, and ELIZABETH picks up receiver .) Hello? Hello? Is that you, ELIZABETH (Into phone ): Yes? ( Smiling ) Jonathan? . . .I can’t hear anything. Yes, Jonathan, I can hear you perfect - Jonathan? ( Slowly she replaces receiv - ly! Victor and Laura will be there in a er. To LAURA ) There was no one on minute. . . .You’ll meet them at the the line. Jonathan needed me, and you door of the vault?. . .Oh, yes, they’ll be kept me away from the phone. ( VIC - very much surprised. . . .Yes, TOR enters, carrying tray with teapot Jonathan, I’ll be waiting for you. and cups. He puts tray on coffee table .) (Hangs up, walks to French window, parts drapes and looks out. Suddenly VICTOR : What happened? sound of VICTOR screaming in stran - gled voice is heard offstage, followed by ELIZABETH (Dejectedly ): Jonathan tried sound of LAURA’s shrill scream. to call me, but Laura wouldn’t let me Sound of squeaking door followed by answer the phone until it was too late. heavy thud is heard. ELIZABETH Too late! ( She stares off into space, as if drops drape, returns center. in trance. VICTOR turns angrily on Thoughtfully ) Sounds as if Jonathan LAURA .) was there to meet them, all right! (Laughs in satisfied way as curtain VICTOR : I warned you not to interfere! closes ) * * * LAURA (Agitated ): I don’t care! I can’t SCENE 2 : The Portrait let you harm Aunt Elizabeth! ( To SETTING : Same as Scene 1, except that ELIZABETH ) Aunt Elizabeth, you drapes have been removed from win - must realize that Jonathan is dead. dow, and telephone is no longer on The phone call wasn’t from him— table. Portrait covered by cloth hangs Victor did something to the phone. I’ll on wall near window. Downstage are prove it to you. I’ll go out to the vault. desk and chair. I’ll prove that Jonathan is dead. AT RISE : MISS PHIPPS is arranging ELIZABETH (Brightening ): You’ll go to bowl of flowers on desk. Doorbell rings. the vault? Oh, Laura, you are so kind! She smooths her dress, exits, and reen - I’ll get your coat. ( Exits ) ters a moment later with THOMAS BRENT, who carries briefcase, which LAURA (Calmly ): I know what you’re he puts on desk. thinking, Victor, but I don’t care. I was a fool to listen to you. First thing BRENT (Businesslike ): The house tomorrow I’m going to call Aunt appears to be in good shape, Miss Elizabeth’s lawyer and tell him every - Phipps. thing. ( VICTOR raises his hand as if to strike her, just as ELIZABETH reen - MISS PHIPPS : Thank you, Mr. Brent. I ters with raincoat. VICTOR quickly was housekeeper for Jonathan and drops his hand. ) Elizabeth Hathaway for many years.

APRIL 2015 5 Although they’re both gone, I still feel teacup must be an antique—it should an obligation to this house. be worth quite a bit.

BRENT (Nodding ): It’s a beautiful old MISS PHIPPS : Mrs. Hathaway never building. ( Turns to her ) You know, it’s used that tea service. odd, but I have the strangest feeling that I’ve been here before. Why, I think BRENT : I wonder why. ( Puts teacup on I could close my eyes and describe the desk, crosses to stand in front of cov - house in the smallest detail. What do ered portrait ) What’s this? you think of that? MISS PHIPPS : We found it in the attic MISS PHIPPS (Abruptly ): I’ll get your when we were cleaning yesterday. luggage and put it in your room. (BRENT removes cover, revealing (Starts out ) painting of girl in old-fashioned dress .)

BRENT : I’d like to have the center bed - BRENT : Who is this? She’s lovely. room, overlooking the garden, if possi - ble. MISS PHIPPS (Awkwardly ): I’ll take your luggage to your room. ( She exits MISS PHIPPS (Turning; startled ): How quickly. BRENT raises his hand and did you know about the center bed - starts to call her, then shrugs, turns room? It’s been closed for years. away and crosses to desk, opens brief - case, takes out pencil and paper, sits at BRENT (Puzzled ): I don’t know. I seem desk and begins to write, from time to to remember that room. . . . time examining cup. He does not notice when CYNTHIA enters at French win - MISS PHIPPS : I can have it opened and dow, dressed like girl in painting. She aired for you. How long will you be crosses to stand behind BRENT, touch - staying? es his arm delicately. Startled, he turns and stands .) BRENT : Not very long—I imagine we’ll have the auction within a week. Mr. CYNTHIA : Silas? Is that you? Hathaway is eager to sell the furnish - ings so the house can be sold. BRENT : My name is Thomas Brent. Who are you looking for? MISS PHIPPS : Is that Spencer Hathaway? CYNTHIA (Slowly ): Silas Bradford. You reminded me of him. BRENT (Nodding ): Yes, Spencer inher - ited the house after Elizabeth BRENT : No one named Bradford lives Hathaway died. Of course, as you here. know, Victor disappeared mysteriously not long ago. CYNTHIA : No, you don’t understand. Silas Bradford never lived here, but MISS PHIPPS : Yes. It is odd that Victor one night—so many years ago—he and his wife were never found. But this came to this house. . . .( Her voice trails old house has many secrets, Mr. Brent. off. She sways, as if about to faint. BRENT puts his arm around her, leads BRENT (Briskly ): Yes, well, I may as her to sofa .) well begin the appraisal by listing the contents of this room. ( Crosses to china BRENT : You’re trembling—your hands closet, opens it, takes out teacup ) This are so cold. What’s wrong?

6 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com CYNTHIA (Smiling faintly ): I’m all right out French window, unseen by now, Silas. BRENT. MISS PHIPPS enters .) Miss Phipps, we have a visitor. Could you BRENT : I told you before, my name isn’t lend her a sweater ( Turns, sees CYN - Silas. You must be lost. THIA has gone )—why, she’s gone! She was here a minute ago! CYNTHIA (Firmly ): No, this is the right house. I lived here, you see. My name MISS PHIPPS : If there’s nothing else, is Cynthia Ashton. sir, I’ll go on with my work.

BRENT : But the Hathaways have BRENT : Don’t you believe me? She was owned this house for forty years. here! Cynthia—Cynthia Ashton. (MISS PHIPPS looks startled .) She CYNTHIA : Yes, the Hathaways bought looked like the girl in the painting. this house after—after—( She breaks off, puts her face in her hands .) MISS PHIPPS (Starting to exit; nervous - ly ): Please, Mr. Brent— BRENT (Standing ): You should have something warm to drink. I’ll have BRENT (Angrily ): You know something Miss Phipps fix you a cup of tea. about the girl, but you won’t tell me what it is. ( Clutches her arm ) Who is CYNTHIA (Suddenly standing; terri - she? fied ): Tea? Oh, no! I don’t want tea. MISS PHIPPS (Going to painting, point - BRENT : There must be something I can ing ): This is Cynthia Ashton. do to help you. BRENT (Joining her ): Impossible! The CYNTHIA (Urgently ): Yes, if only you girl I met can’t be more than twenty could help me! years old.

BRENT (Thoughtfully ): I’m beginning to MISS PHIPPS (Nodding ): This is think I’ve met you somewhere before. Cynthia Ashton—and the portrait was painted more than a hundred years CYNTHIA (Strangely ): We might have ago. met many times. . . . BRENT : Are you trying to tell me that I BRENT (With sudden inspiration ): The was talking to a ghost? painting! ( He crosses to painting, points to it .) Of course! You’re the girl MISS PHIPPS : I warned you that this in the painting. This must be a portrait house has many secrets. ( Sits on sofa ) of your grandmother—the resem - When I was a girl, I was told the story blance is striking. of Cynthia Ashton. She was one of the most beautiful girls in town, with CYNTHIA (Slowly ): I remember the many suitors, but when she was twen - painting. ty, she married John Ashton. He built this house for his new bride. BRENT (Puzzled ): You do? Well, now, I mustn’t keep you standing here talk - BRENT : Was Cynthia happy? ing like this, when you’re so cold. I’m sure Miss Phipps will have a sweater MISS PHIPPS : Yes, but one of her suit - you can wear. ( Goes to doorway, calls ) ors was wildly jealous when she mar - Miss Phipps! ( CYNTHIA runs quickly ried John Ashton. He threatened to kill

APRIL 2015 7 John. The Ashtons had lived in this provingly, takes briefcase, pad and house for only two weeks when John pencil, and exits. BRENT crosses to suddenly became ill. Cynthia nursed desk, sits, looking at teacup .) A cup of him day and night, where he lay in the tea! Why, it might have been this very center bedroom—the room you asked cup. . . ( Offstage, clock is heard chim - for tonight. ing eleven. CYNTHIA enters through French window, touches BRENT’s BRENT : If only I knew why that room shoulder. He turns, stands, puts cup seemed so familiar to me! down. ) Cynthia! You came back!

MISS PHIPPS : No one knows what hap - CYNTHIA (Softly ): I had to. I can never pened the night John Ashton died. leave this house until my work here is Most people believe that the rejected done. ( BRENT takes her hand .) suitor entered the house secretly and poisoned the tea Cynthia had made for BRENT : You’re not a ghost, Cynthia. her husband. You’re real! ( He drops her hand .) I don’t know what’s happening, but I BRENT : Wasn’t Ashton’s death investi - think I’m falling in love with you! gated? CYNTHIA : Poor Silas! You always were MISS PHIPPS : Yes. A man’s footprints impetuous. were found outside the kitchen win - dow, but they were never identified. BRENT : I told you, my name is Thomas.

BRENT : What happened to Cynthia? CYNTHIA : We can be called by different names in other lives. MISS PHIPPS : After she gave her hus - band the fatal cup of tea, she never left BRENT (Incredulous ): Do you actually the house again. She swore she would believe that I lived a hundred years have vengeance for her husband’s mur - ago? That I came to this house and put der. Ten years later she was found in poison in that cup? ( Picks up cup ) that very room—dead. ( Strangely ) Look! Does this cup frighten you? Cynthia Ashton’s spirit still seeks her (Throws cup to floor, where it breaks ) husband’s murderer. She knows that It’s gone—shattered—and the past is he will return to Hathaway House shattered. someday. CYNTHIA (Shaking her head ): Poor, BRENT : What was the suitor’s name? foolish Silas. I’ve found you at last.

MISS PHIPPS : Silas Bradford. BRENT (Shouting ): I am not Silas Bradford! BRENT (Stunned ): She called me Silas Bradford! CYNTHIA : Only the man who put poison in that cup would have known it was MISS PHIPPS (Terrified ): Oh, no! Mr. the one I used for John’s last meal. Brent, you have to leave here. . .now, Only you would have known that, tonight, before it’s too late. Silas. ( BRENT backs away from her .) Are you afraid of me now, Silas? You BRENT : No, I can’t leave now. ( Points to said you loved me. Are you afraid of desk ) Would you take my briefcase to what I might do to you? my room? I’ll be there in a little while. (MISS PHIPPS shakes head disap - BRENT : Go away!

8 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com CYNTHIA (Strongly ): Your crime cannot ceries, KIM, AUNT SARAH, JOSH go unpunished, Silas. and MAURA GRAHAM enter. All wear wet raincoats, and carry umbrellas. BRENT : Please, Cynthia— SPENCER : Here we are, folks. Welcome CYNTHIA : You must repent for John’s to Hathaway House! ( Puts bag on murder. I shall never let you forget table ) Hathaway House. ( Walks to window ) You will relive your terrible deed, JOSH (Taking off coat, shaking it ): A again—and again—and again. . . .( Her fine welcome, Spencer. I smashed up voice trails off as she exits .) my car on that bridge, we had to walk three miles through a rainstorm, and BRENT (Desperately ): Cynthia! No! now the lights don’t work. ( Others take Come back! ( He dashes out after her. off coats .) After a moment, as at the beginning of the scene, MISS PHIPPS enters, begins MAURA (Looking around ): It’s so dark to rearrange flowers in bowl on desk. in here. Doorbell rings. She smooths her dress, exits, and reenters in a moment with SPENCER : I guess the power lines are THOMAS BRENT, who carries brief - down—or else the family ghosts have case. BRENT is very businesslike, as at been at work! ( Turns to KIM ) Welcome beginning of scene. ) The house appears to your new home, Mrs. Hathaway! to be in good shape, Miss Phipps. KIM : I’m not sure I like it. MISS PHIPPS : Thank you, Mr. Brent. I was housekeeper for Jonathan and AUNT SARAH (Solemnly ): It’s an evil Elizabeth Hathaway for many years. house! Although they’re both gone, I still feel an obligation to this house. SPENCER (Jovially ): Now, Aunt Sarah, you think that every house without a BRENT (Nodding ): It’s a beautiful old dishwasher and central air is an evil building. ( Turns to her ) You know, it’s house. odd, but I have the strangest feeling that I’ve been here before. Why, I think MAURA (Sitting at table ): Well, I agree I could close my eyes and describe the with Kim. ( To JOSH ) I don’t like it house in the smallest detail. What do here either, Josh. you think of that, Miss Phipps? ( Quick curtain ) JOSH (Sighing ): We have to spend the * * * night here anyway, Maura. I’ll call the SCENE 3 : The Seance garage tomorrow morning and have TIME : Evening . them send a tow truck for the car.

SETTING : Same as Scene 1. Desk, por - SPENCER (To KIM ): Kim, maybe you trait, and broken teacup are gone. and Aunt Sarah can scout out the bed - Dining room table and three chairs are rooms. down center; two other chairs stand on either side of window. Stage is dimly KIM : If you think we’re going to roam lighted. around upstairs in the dark, Spencer, you’ve got another thing coming! AT RISE : Lightning flashes. Cheerful laughter is heard off and SPENCER SPENCER : Now, listen, everyone, we’ve HATHAWAY, carrying bag of gro - had a long trip, and an accident to

APRIL 2015 9 boot, but we can’t let our imaginations SARAH (Coming back to table ): It seems get the better of us, O.K.? to be coming from—everywhere! (Phone stops ringing .) Well, it stopped. KIM : Well, don’t forget—Victor and . . .( To SPENCER ) I think we should Laura were never heard from again leave. after they stayed here. SPENCER : Nonsense! There’s a perfect - MAURA : And what about Thomas ly logical explanation, I expect. Brent? He disappeared after he spent Lightning must have hit the telephone the night here. switch box. ( Offstage, sound of door creaking and then slamming shut. SPENCER (Deliberately casual ): My Startled, all jump .) brother Victor was an unpredictable guy. He probably took off for parts MAURA : What was that? unknown without telling the family. It’s as simple as that. SPENCER : Sounds as if the wind blew a door shut. There must be an open win - JOSH (Sitting on edge of table ): But dow somewhere. Thomas Brent had a law practice in town. He wouldn’t just walk away from KIM (Frightened ): Spencer, I’m getting it. a weird feeling about this house. Like we don’t belong here. SPENCER : Brent was the most eligible bachelor in town. Maybe he met the SPENCER (Trying to be cheerful ): Now girl of his dreams and eloped. He listen, I’m still a candidate for an might be on his honeymoon right now. omelet, and I don’t intend to share it with any ghosts! KIM : Spencer, you don’t really believe that. KIM (Bravely; picking up bag ): I sup - pose we’re overreacting. Come on, SPENCER (Soberly ): I don’t know what Aunt Sarah—to the kitchen! ( Women to believe. Hathaway House belongs to exit left .) me, though, and I refuse to be driven off by any old wives’ tales. Let’s have JOSH (Nervously ): What do you make of something to eat. At least we were all this, Spencer? smart enough to stop for groceries on the way. SPENCER : I don’t know, but there has to be a logical explanation for every - SARAH (Starting off left ): I’ll take a look thing that’s happened. ( KIM screams at the kitchen, if someone will come offstage. SPENCER and JOSH rush with me. I’m not going out there alone. toward left exit just as SARAH and (Sound of telephone ringing is heard. MAURA enter with KIM, who is trem - SARAH stops .) bling. She sits on sofa .) What hap - pened? SPENCER : The telephone! That’s strange. I thought it was disconnected. MAURA : She saw someone looking in the window. KIM (Looking around ): Where is it? KIM (Gasping ): It was—Thomas Brent! MAURA : Well, it must be in here some - He looked so desperate—he was trying where. ( All look around room .) to tell me something. ( Frantically ) Spencer, what’s going on here?

10 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com SPENCER (Comforting KIM ): You’ll be mumbo-jumbo, and suddenly the face O.K. You may have seen someone, but of a spirit floats through space and it wasn’t Brent. It might have been a lands on the table. ( Suddenly there is neighbor. Remember, no one has lived crash of thunder. Everyone jumps .) in Hathaway House for a long time, and people are bound to be curious. SPENCER : O.K., now, let’s all concen - trate, and not make a sound. I’ll try to KIM (Frantically ): I’m sure it was communicate with the spirits. ( All are Thomas Brent! quiet. Suddenly SPENCER throws his head back and moans .) JOSH (To SPENCER ): Maybe we’d bet - ter take a look outside. MAURA (To JOSH ): Look at him—he’s in a trance. SPENCER : No, I have a better idea. We can beat the ghosts at their own game. JOSH : What a fraud! Let’s go along We’ll have a seance. with him. ( SPENCER continues to moan .) MAURA (In disbelief ): What? SPENCER (In low, dramatic voice ): Oh, SARAH : You can’t be serious, Spencer. spirits of Hathaway House, we com - mand you to make your presence SPENCER : Of course I am. known. ( Phone rings. ) I feel an alien presence in this house. Send a message JOSH : What’s the harm? Tomorrow to us, so that we may aid you in your we’ll be laughing at ourselves for being quest for peace. so jumpy tonight. SARAH (To MAURA ): I feel cold all of a SPENCER : Josh is right. Now, since this sudden! is my idea, I guess I’ll have to be the medium. ( He brings chairs by window MAURA (Nodding ): Must be an open to table .) Sit down, everyone. window.

SARAH (Sitting facing audience ): I feel SPENCER : Hathaway House will no ridiculous. ( KIM and MAURA sit longer be your resting place. I com - beside SARAH, SPENCER takes seat mand you—begone. ( Shouting ) Spirits, at right end of table, and JOSH sits at begone! ( Loud clap of thunder. left end, facing SPENCER .) Suddenly stage lights come up full .)

SPENCER : That’s good. Maybe we’ll all MAURA (Happily ): The lights! realize how foolish we’ve been acting. (Everyone stands. ) (Puts hands on table, palms down ) Put your hands on the table, like this. ( All JOSH : The power must have been do so. ) restored.

MAURA (Nervously ): Now what do we KIM : And that chill. It’s gone, too. I’m do? not cold anymore.

KIM : If I see that face again, I know MAURA : You’re right. I feel lighthead - what I’m going to do! ed, as though a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. JOSH : I’ve seen these things on TV. Spencer is supposed to say a lot of SARAH : I feel different, too! I can’t

APRIL 2015 11 explain it, but I’m not afraid anymore. THORNE : You mean Spencer Hatha- I feel as though I belong here. way? ( Shrugs ) Well, that’s life. He’ll never be able to enjoy the place now. JOSH : All those things that happened must have been our imagination. FELTON (Shaking head ): It was such a terrible accident. That car went smack SPENCER : And all ghost stories are through the bridge, right into the river. merely that—imagination! None of them had a chance. You know, I may be wrong, but do you suppose SARAH : Well, I never approved of someone wanted to prevent them from seances before, but this one certainly coming here? helped. ( SPENCER stretches .) THORNE : Who knows? ( Closes French SPENCER : The new owner of Hathaway window ) I just want to close this place House is about to spend his first night up fast and get back to the station and here. file my report. ( Shakes head ) Five peo - ple killed—sure is a shame. KIM (Happily ): Our house never looked better to me! FELTON : Well, at least you can tell peo - ple you visited a haunted house. JOSH (To SPENCER ): Let’s investigate the bedrooms. We’ll toss a coin for the THORNE (Grimly ): Don’t make me one with the best mattress. ( They all laugh! That’s the silliest thing I ever laugh, exit right. After a few moments, heard. Come on. Let’s go. ( Both glance LT. FELTON and LT. THORNE enter around suspiciously, then exit right. ) slowly, look around room .) SPENCER (From offstage; speaking FELTON : So this is the old Hathaway through filter ): Good night, Kim. House. I’ve heard strange stories about it, ever since I was a kid. KIM (From offstage; also through fil - ter ): Good night, Spencer. I know we’re THORNE : Same here. I wonder why the going to love living at Hathaway lights are on? House—forever! ( Curtain ) THE END FELTON : Maybe someone was putting (Production Notes on page 64 ) the place in order for the new owner.

Sign Up for Online Access As an added benefit for subscribers, we now have more than 400 plays in our online archives!

To gain access to this password-protected area of our web - site, just email us at [email protected] with a password of your choice, and we’ll send you download instructions. And as always, thank you for subscribing to Plays !

12 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Upper Grades Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

One Shining Moment After accidentally creating a scene at school awards ceremony, Kevin weighs whether or not he wants the “glory” or should stand up and take the punishment.

by Michael Weems

Characters Halloween mask, and boxer shorts with JEFF hearts on them. He may be out of breath. He immediately takes off the KEVIN mask .) It was you. That was epic, Kev! JENNY KEVIN : It was stupid.

JEFF : What’s wrong? You just pulled off TIME : The present. the most amazing stunt. Completely stole the whole year-end awards cere - SETTING : A teenage boy’s bedroom, with mony! Principal Meyers was so mad. bed, desk, chair, computer screen, pile of clothes on the floor. Trunk is at foot KEVIN : I’m a dead man. They’ll find out. of bed and there is an open window in backdrop. JEFF : Nobody knows you did it.

AT RISE : JEFF sits playing video KEVIN : What? games. His cell phone rings. He answers. He is very excitable . JEFF : Seriously. With that get-up you look like any one of a hundred of guys JEFF (Excited ): Hey! . . .I know! Did you in our class. Not like they took atten - see that? . . .No, man. Not a clue who it dance, either. was. ( He looks at his phone .) Hang on— gotta go. ( He switches to next call .) KEVIN : They videotaped the ceremony. What, Mom? Yes, Italian, Chinese, whatever—I’m just hungry. ( Robotic- JEFF : Yeah—and all they’ll see was this ally ) Love you too. ( He hangs up and skinny kid sprint onto the stage, grab plays on. Short beat. There is a knock at the “most improved” trophy from the his window. He stops playing and Principal, flex his nonexistent muscles, immediately jumps back. KEVIN and run off into the afternoon. climbs through wearing only a cape, a

APRIL 2015 13 KEVIN (Offended ): Hey! I have muscles. Normally I’d just figure she’s goofing around. I run into the restroom and she JEFF (Flatly ): No. gives me the all-clear to come back out. We’re right outside the auditorium door KEVIN : Someone’s bound to recognize and she’s being all coy. She comes up to me. me. . .she’s blushing a little and she holds my hand. . . . JEFF : Check it out. ( He hands his phone over to KEVIN .) It’s all over the mes - JEFF : And? sage boards. Look—this one even has a top ten possibilities of who it was. KEVIN : She leans in to give me a kiss, accidentally pushing a little too hard KEVIN (Reading ): Simon, Joey. . .( Looks against me. I fall back through the up ) what? auditorium door and it locks behind me. I hear Principal Meyers talking. I tug at JEFF : Less chance of getting caught. the door. I hear Jenny’s “sorry” through the door. My heart stopped. I could KEVIN : Yeah. . .I guess. I’m not even in either hide in some dark corner of the the top ten?! stage for hours until everyone’s gone and go get my clothes—or I could just JEFF : You pulled off the prank, you be impulsive. Be remembered as some - want notoriety, and you want anonymi - thing more than some dork whose name ty—can’t get all those, man. nobody knows anyway. At this point my brain probably should’ve asked me, KEVIN : By next week I’ll be passé. I’ll be “What’s the worst that could happen?” one-upped by whoever comes around but that didn’t occur. next. And the real pranksters don’t even care about detention or getting JEFF : Wow. grounded. KEVIN : So. . .all this. For nothing. Will JEFF : Why’d you do it then, man? Were you tell anyone? you dared? A girl? Was it a girl? (Silence. JEFF punches KEVIN on the JEFF : At this point, I’m not sure if you arm. ) It was a girl. want me to or not.

KEVIN : Fine! It was a girl. Jenny Flowers. KEVIN : Ask me again in fifteen minutes. Fame will be up by then, right? JEFF : Will you two just date and get it over with already? JEFF : You want a change of clothes?

KEVIN : There’s a delicate balance, O.K.? KEVIN : That’d be nice. ( JEFF plucks Anyway, I was cleaning out my locker— jeans, T-shirt from pile of clothes and right next to hers—and she noticed all hands them to KEVIN .) the stuff I was pulling out. Cape from “Dress Like a Super Hero Day,” heart JEFF : Probably need to hide the evi - boxers from the heart walk we did for dence if you don’t want to revisit this. soccer, and this mask from Halloween. She laughed. Said it’d be a great outfit. KEVIN : Where?

JEFF : Sure is. JEFF : Just toss it in my trunk. Mom doesn’t bug me. If she did find it and KEVIN : She asked me to model it. put the pieces together, she’d probably

14 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com think it’s kind of funny. when you’re running that fast.

KEVIN : That’s cool of her. ( KEVIN exits JEFF : He had pretty good reason. And to change .) he’s anonymously famous—for another few minutes, at least. JEFF (Calling off ): She’s been bending over backwards, you know? JENNY : I’m really sorry. That was my fault. Are you O.K.? KEVIN (Gently ): Richard? KEVIN : Yeah, fine. ( Faux nonchalant ) JEFF : He doesn’t deserve a name. He’s Probably got away with it. simply “the undeserving boyfriend.” JENNY : You did. KEVIN : Hear from your Dad? JEFF : What? JEFF : Hawaii is apparently really nice. He has a tan, a condo overlooking some JENNY : Ozzie Hicks took the blame. beach, and a girlfriend closer to our age Said it was all his idea. He got deten - than Mom’s. tion for two weeks!

KEVIN : Nice. KEVIN : That cheating—

JEFF : Girlfriend slash soon-to-be wife. JEFF: Wait. Are you actually mad? (KEVIN reenters in T-shirt and jeans .) KEVIN : Yes! No. Well. . . KEVIN (Stashing costume into trunk ): I’m sorry, Jeff. JENNY : Everyone online was saying maybe a few days’ detention or some - JEFF : What’s so bad about it all? I’m get - thing. That’s huge. ting guilt presents from each side. And from their new partners who want to KEVIN : Why would he do that? win me over. Wanna go to a wedding in Hawaii with me? JEFF : Probably to ensure he’ll reign as “Detention King” every year running. KEVIN : I don’t know—maybe? KEVIN : Oh. Right. JEFF : I don’t blame you. I don’t want to go for sure. JENNY : You sound disappointed.

KEVIN : More people to love you, right? KEVIN : I kind of went from unknown back to forgotten and back to unknown. JEFF : I guess. Besides, it doesn’t feel right.

KEVIN : I just realized—Jenny knows too. JEFF : We know the truth.

JEFF : She won’t tell. She’s crazy about JENNY : And we can keep a secret, right? you. JEFF : Maybe at the ten-year anniver - KEVIN : No she’s—( A knock at the win - sary you can pull that get-up back out dow. JENNY slips in. ) and tell the truth.

JENNY : It’s a little tough to follow you JENNY : Everyone will be so into work

APRIL 2015 15 and babies by that point. . . .I bet they’d KEVIN : Jeff has to pretend he doesn’t really laugh. like all the attention from his parents and two likely new step-parents—all of KEVIN : Ten years from now. . .I’ll proba - whom are actually kind of not so awful. bly still be right here. JEFF : Funny. Let’s go. ( JEFF exits .) JEFF : I’ll probably be sun burnt and spearfishing on Hawaii with my Dad. JENNY : I’m really sorry, Kevin. This was all my fault. KEVIN : Spearfishing! You know that Hawaii’s like fully modern, right? Is KEVIN : No harm, no foul, right? ( Beat ) that what he’s been telling you? What am I doing? Can you tell Jeff I’ll be five minutes? JEFF (Irritated ): He is so going to hear about this. JENNY : Sure. Why?

JENNY : I don’t know where I’ll be in ten KEVIN : I’m going to call Principal years. Meyer’s office. It’s not about notoriety or attention, but I can’t let someone else KEVIN : And you’re O.K. with this? take the blame.

JENNY : Sure. Kinda makes it easier to JENNY : But it’s two weeks’ detention! adjust to life’s bumpy road. Take today, for instance. ( JEFF ’s phone rings. He KEVIN (Sighing ): Yep. answers. ) JENNY : That’s good of you, Kevin. I’ll JEFF : We’re going out? . . .Yeah, Italian’s write you notes to pass the time. ( She fine. ( Suddenly ) No, Chinese. ( He looks starts to exit. ) We’ll be waiting. ( She at KEVIN and JENNY .) I’m bringing stops close to KEVIN .) friends. O.K. Be right there. ( He hangs up. ) You guys hungry? JENNY : By the way, is this a date?

KEVIN and JENNY (Ad lib ): Yeah. Sure. KEVIN : Sure. ( She leans into KEVIN, Sounds good. ( Etc .) who leans back against JEFF’s door— falling through again. ) JEFF : Let’s roll. JENNY : Really? ( Quick curtain ) JENNY : What was that all about? THE END

PRODUCTION NOTES One Shining Moment

CHARACTERS : 2 male, 1 female. SETTING : Jeff’s bedroom, with bed, PLAYING TIME : 15 minutes. desk, chair, computer screen, pile of COSTUMES : Modern everyday dress for clothes on floor, posters on wall. Trunk Jeff and Jenny. Kevin wears cape, is at foot of bed. Open window is in Halloween mask, and boxers with backdrop. hearts on them when he first enters, LIGHTING : No special effects. then changes into jeans and T-shirt. SOUND : Ringing cell phone; knock at PROPERTIES : Cell phone, video game window. controller.

16 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Upper Grades Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

The Merchant of Venice Shakespeare’s classic tale of a loan made with “a pound of flesh” given as collateral, and the choice suitors make in vying for the hand of a wealthy heiress. . . . Adapt ed by Carol D. Wise

Characters ANTONIO : Well, tell me now, Bassanio, what lady is the same to whom you NARRATOR swore a secret pilgrimage, that you ANTONIO, the merchant today promised to tell me of? BASSANIO, Antonio’s friend BASSANIO : In Belmont is a lady richly PORTIA, rich heiress left: Portia, her sunny locks hang on her temples like a golden fleece, and NERISSA, her maid Portia’s suitors many Jasons come in quest of her. O PRINCE OF MOROCCO my Antonio, had I but the means to PRINCE OF ARRAGON hold a rival place with one of them! SHYLOCK, moneylender ANTONIO : Thou know’st that all my for - JESSICA, Shylock’s daughter tunes are at sea; therefore go forth, try LORENZO, in love with Jessica what my credit can in Venice do. ( They exit .) SOLANIO * * * friends to Antonio SALARINO SETTING : Belmont. A room in Portia’s and Bassanio house. SALERIO GRATIANO AT RISE : PORTIA and NERISSA are onstage. TUBAL, Shylock’s friend DUKE, of Venice PORTIA : If to do were as easy as to know BALTHAZAR, Portia’s servant what were good to do, chapels had been churches and poor men’s cottages SCENE 1 princes’ palaces. This reasoning is not SETTING : A street in Venice. in the fashion to choose me a husband. O me, the word “choose”! I may neither BEFORE RISE : ANTONIO and BAS - choose whom I would nor refuse whom SANIO enter left. I dislike.

APRIL 2015 17 NERISSA : The lottery that your father I’ll be married to a sponge. There is not hath devised in these three chests of one suitor among them but I dote on his gold, silver and lead, whereof who very absence, and I pray God grant chooses his meaning chooses you, will, them a fair departure. no doubt, never be chosen by any right - ly but one who shall rightly love. But NERISSA : Do you not remember, lady, in what of the Neapolitan prince? your father’s time, a Venetian, a schol - ar and a soldier, that came hither in PORTIA : Ay, that’s a colt indeed, for he company of the Marquis of Montferrat? doth nothing but talk of his horse. PORTIA : Yes, yes, it was Bassanio; as I NERISSA : Then there is Count Palatine. think, he was so called. I remember him well, and I remember him worthy of thy PORTIA : He doth nothing but frown: he praise. ( A flourish of cornets is heard. hears merry tales and smiles not: I fear PRINCE OF MOROCCO enters .) he will prove the weeping philosopher when he grows old. MOROCCO : I pray you, lead me to the caskets to try my fortune. NERISSA : How say you by the French lord, Monsieur Le Bon? PORTIA : Go draw aside the curtains and discover the several caskets to this PORTIA : God made him, and therefore noble prince. let him pass for a man. Why, he hath a horse better than the Neapolitan’s, a MOROCCO : The first, of gold, who this better bad habit of frowning than the inscription bears: “Who chooseth me Count Palatine. shall gain what many men desire.” The second, silver, which this promise car - NERISSA : What say you, then, to Fal- ries, “Who chooseth me shall get as conbridge, the young baron of England? much as he deserves;” this third, dull lead, with warning all as blunt, “Who PORTIA : He understands not me, nor I chooseth me must give and hazard all him! How oddly he is suited! I think he he hath.” How shall I know if I do bought his doublet in Italy, his round choose the right? hose in France, his bonnet in Germany and his behavior everywhere. PORTIA : The one of them contains my picture, prince: If you choose that, then NERISSA : How like you the young Ger- I am yours withal. man, the Duke of Saxony’s nephew? MOROCCO : What says this leaden cas - PORTIA : Very vilely in the morning, ket? “Who chooseth me must give and when he is sober, and most vilely in the hazard all he hath.” Must give: for afternoon, when he is drunk: when he is what? for lead? hazard for lead? This best, he is a little worse than a man, casket threatens. and when he is worst, he is little better What says the silver with her virgin than a beast. hue? “Who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves.” As much as he NERISSA : If he should offer to choose, deserves! Pause there, Morocco, as and choose the right casket, you should much as I deserve! Why, that’s the lady: refuse to perform your father’s will, if I do in birth deserve her, and in for - you should refuse to accept him. tunes; what if I stray’d no further, but chose here? PORTIA : I will do anything, Nerissa, ’ere Let’s see once more this saying graved

18 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com in gold: “Who chooseth me shall gain ANTONIO : Shylock, although I neither what many men desire.” Why, that’s lend nor borrow by taking nor by giving the lady; all the world desires her; one of excess, yet, to supply the ripe wants of these three contains her heavenly of my friend, I’ll break a custom. Is he picture. But here an angel in a golden yet possess’d how much ye would? bed lies all within. Deliver me the key: Here do I choose, and thrive I as I may! SHYLOCK : Ay, ay, three thousand ducats for three months. PORTIA : There, take it, prince; and if my form lie there, then I am yours. ANTONIO : Well, Shylock, shall we be beholding to you? MOROCCO (Unlocking the golden cas - ket ): Oh! What have we here? ( Reads ) SHYLOCK : Antonio, many a time and oft All that glitters is not gold; Often have in the Rialto you have rated me about you heard that told: Gilded tombs do my moneys and my usances: I have worms enfold. Had you been as wise as borne it with a patient shrug, for suf - bold, fare you well; your suit is cold. ferance is the badge of our tribe. Cold, indeed; and labour lost: Portia, adieu. I have too grieved a ANTONIO : If thou wilt lend this money, heart to take a tedious leave: thus los - lend it not as to thy friends; but lend it ers part. ( Exits. Flourish of cornets ) rather to thine enemy, who, if he break, thou mayst with better face exact the PORTIA : A gentle riddance. Draw the penalty. curtains, go. ( Exits ) * * * SHYLOCK : Go with me to a notary, seal SCENE 2 me there your single bond; if you repay SETTING : Venice. A public place. me not on such a day, in such a place, such sum or sums as are express’d in AT RISE : BASSANIO and SHYLOCK the condition, let the forfeit be for an enter . equal pound of your fair flesh, to be cut off and taken in what part of your body SHYLOCK : Three thousand ducats; well. pleaseth me.

BASSANIO : Ay, sir, for three months. ANTONIO : Content, i’ faith: I’ll seal to For the which, as I told you, Antonio such a bond. shall be bound. BASSANIO : You shall not seal to such a SHYLOCK : His means are in supposition: bond for me: I’ll rather dwell in my he hath an argosy bound to Tripolis, necessity. another to the Indies; he hath a third at Mexico, a fourth for England, and other ANTONIO : Why, fear not, man; I will not ventures he hath, squandered abroad. forfeit it: Within these two months, But ships are but boards, sailors but that’s a month before this bond expires, men: there be land-rats and water-rats, I do expect return of thrice three times water-thieves and land-thieves, and the value of this bond. then there is the peril of waters, winds and rocks. Three thousand ducats; I SHYLOCK : A pound of man’s flesh taken think I may take his bond. from a man is not so estimable, prof - itable neither, as flesh of muttons, BASSANIO : Be assured you may. ( AN- beefs, or goats. I say, to buy his favour, TONIO enters. ) This is Signior Antonio. I extend this friendship: If he will take it, so; if not, adieu. ( SHYLOCK exits. )

APRIL 2015 19 BASSANIO : I like not fair terms and a amorous Jessica: Besides, Antonio cer - villain’s mind. tified the duke they were not with Bassanio in his ship. ANTONIO : Come on: in this there can be no dismay; my ships come home a SALANIO : I never heard a passion so month before the day. ( They exit. ) confused, so strange, outrageous, and * * * so variable, as Shylock did utter in the SCENE 3 streets: “My daughter! O my ducats! O SETTING : A street. my daughter! Justice! the law! my ducats, and my daughter!” AT RISE : LORENZO enters right. JES - SICA, in boy’s clothes, enters left. SALARINO : A Frenchman yesterday told me, in the narrow seas that part the JESSICA : Who are you? Tell me, for more French and English, there miscarried a certainty, albeit I’ll swear that I do vessel of our country richly fraught: I know your tongue. thought upon Antonio when he told me; and wish’d in silence that it were not LORENZO : Lorenzo, and thy love. his.

JESSICA : Here, catch this casket; it is SALANIO : Tell Antonio what you hear; worth the pains. I am glad ’tis night, Yet do not suddenly, for it may grieve you do not look on me, for I am much him. ( They exit .) ashamed of my exchange: but love is * * * blind and lovers cannot see the pretty SCENE 4 follies that themselves commit; for if SETTING : Belmont, same as Scene 1. they could, Cupid himself would blush to see me thus transformed to a boy. AT RISE : There is a flourish of coronets. PRINCE OF ARRAGON, PORTIA, and LORENZO : Descend, for you must be my NERISSA enter. torchbearer at tonight’s masque. PORTIA : Behold, there stand the cas - JESSICA : What, must I hold a candle to kets, noble prince: If you choose that my shames? They in themselves, good- wherein I am contain’d, straight shall sooth, are too too light. Why, ’tis an our nuptial rites be solemnized. But if office of discovery, love; and I should be you fail, without more speech, my lord, obscured. you must be gone from hence immedi - ately. LORENZO : So are you, sweet, even in the lovely garnish of a boy. But come at ARRAGON : What says the golden chest? once; for the close night doth play the ha! let me see: “Who chooseth me shall runaway, and we are stay’d for at gain what many men desire.” What Bassanio’s feast. ( They exit. SALARINO many men desire! that “many” may be and SALANIO enter. ) meant by the fool multitude, that choose by show, why, then to thee, thou SALANIO : The villain Shylock with out - silver treasure-house; Tell me once cries raised the duke, who went with more what title thou dost bear: “Who him to search Bassanio’s ship. chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves.” I will assume desert. Give SALARINO : He came too late, the ship me a key for this, and instantly unlock was under sail: But there the duke was my fortunes here. ( He opens the silver given to understand that in a gondola casket .) What’s here? The portrait of a were seen together Lorenzo and his blinking idiot. How much unlike art

20 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com thou to Portia! How much unlike my thou wilt not take his flesh: what’s that hopes and my deservings! ‘Who choos- good for? eth me shall have as much as he deserves.’ Did I deserve no more than a SHYLOCK : He hath disgraced me, and fool’s head? hindered me half a million; laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned PORTIA : To offend, and judge, are dis - my nation, thwarted my bargains, tinct offices and of opposed natures. cooled my friends, heated mine ene - mies; and what’s his reason? I am a ARRAGON : Sweet, adieu. I’ll keep my Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a oath. ( Exits. BALTHAZAR enters left .) Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same BALTHAZAR : Madam, there is alighted food, hurt with the same weapons, sub - at your gate a young Venetian, one that ject to the same diseases, healed by the comes before to signify the approaching same means, warmed and cooled by the of his lord. same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not PORTIA : Come, come, Nerissa; for I long bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? to see quick Cupid’s post that comes so if you poison us, do we not die? and if mannerly. you wrong us, shall we not revenge? (TUBAL enters left .) NERISSA : Bassanio, lord Love, if thy will it be! ( They exit. ) TUBAL : Antonio hath an argosy cast * * * away, coming from Tripolis. I spoke with SCENE 5 some of the sailors that escaped the SETTING : Venice. A street. wreck. There came divers of Antonio’s creditors in my company to Venice, that AT RISE : SALANIO and SALARINO swear he cannot choose but break. enter. SHYLOCK : I’ll plague him; I’ll torture SALARINO : Why, yet it lives there him: I am glad of it. Go, Tubal, fee me uncheck’d that Antonio hath a ship of an officer; bespeak him a fortnight rich lading wrecked on the narrow seas; before. I will have the heart of him, if he a very dangerous flat and fatal, where forfeit. ( All exit .) the carcasses of many a tall ship lie * * * buried, as they say. SCENE 6 SETTING : Belmont. SALANIO : Ha! what sayest thou? Why, the end is, he hath lost a ship. AT RISE : BASSANIO, PORTIA, GRA - TIANO, and NERISSA are present. SALARINO : I would it might prove the end of his losses. ( SHYLOCK enters. ) PORTIA : I pray you, tarry: pause a day or two before you hazard; for, in choos - SALANIO : Tell us, do you hear whether ing wrong, I lose your company: there - Antonio have had any loss at sea or no? fore forbear awhile.

SHYLOCK : Let him look to his bond: he BASSANIO : O happy torment, when my was wont to call me usurer; let him look torturer doth teach me answers for to his bond: he was wont to lend money deliverance! But let me to my fortune for a Christian courtesy. and the caskets.

SALARINO : Why, I am sure, if he forfeit, PORTIA : Away, then! I am lock’d in one

APRIL 2015 21 of them: If you do love me, you will find BASSANIO : With all my heart, so thou me out. canst get a wife.

BASSANIO : So may the outward shows GRATIANO : I thank your lordship, you be least themselves: the seeming truth have got me one. My eyes, my lord, can which cunning times put on to entrap look as swift as yours: You saw the mis - the wisest. Therefore, thou gaudy gold, tress, I beheld the maid; you loved, I hard food for Midas, I will none of thee; loved for intermission. nor none of thee, thou pale and common drudge ’tween man and man: but thou, BASSANIO : Our feast shall be much thou meagre lead, which rather threat - honour’d in your marriage. ( LOREN - enest than dost promise aught, thy ZO, JESSICA, and SALERIO enter. ) paleness moves me more than elo - Lorenzo and Salerio, welcome hither; if quence; and here choose I; joy be the that the youth of my new interest here consequence! What find I here? ( Opens have power to bid you welcome. By your leaden casket ) Fair Portia’s counterfeit! leave, I bid my very friends and coun - (Reads ) trymen, Sweet Portia, welcome. You that choose not by the view, Chance as fair and choose as true! PORTIA : So do I, my lord: They are Since this fortune falls to you, entirely welcome. Be content and seek no new, If you be well pleased with this LORENZO : I thank your honour. Meeting And hold your fortune for your bliss. with Salerio by the way, he did entreat me, past all saying nay, to come with PORTIA : You see me, Lord Bassanio, him along. where I stand, such as I am: though for myself alone I would not be ambitious SALERIO : I did, my lord. And I have rea - in my wish, to wish myself much better. son for it. Signior Antonio commends This house, these servants and this him to you. ( Hands BASSANIO a letter ) same myself are yours, my lord: (Holding up ring ) I give them with this BASSANIO : ’Ere I ope his letter, I pray ring; which when you part from, lose, or you, tell me how my good friend doth. give away, let it presage the ruin of your love and be my vantage to exclaim SALERIO : Not sick, my lord, unless it be on you. in mind; nor well, unless in mind: his let - ter there will show you his estate. ( BAS - BASSANIO (Taking the ring ): Madam, SANIO quickly scans letter .) you have bereft me of all words. BASSANIO : O sweet Portia, here are a NERISSA : My lord and lady, it is now our few of the unpleasant’st words that ever time, that have stood by and seen our blotted paper! Gentle lady, when I did wishes prosper, to cry, good joy: good first impart my love to you, I freely told joy, my lord and lady! you, all the wealth I had; and then I told you true: and yet, dear lady, how much I GRATIANO : My lord Bassanio and my was a braggart. I should then have told gentle lady, I wish you all the joy that you that I was worse than nothing; for, you can wish; for I am sure you can indeed, I have engaged my friend to his wish none from me: And when your mere enemy, to feed my means. honours mean to solemnize the bargain of your faith, I do beseech you, even at SALERIO : It should appear, that if he that time I may be married too. had the present money to discharge Shylock, he would not take it. None can

22 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com drive him from the envious plea of for - ANTONIO : I’ll follow him no more with feiture, of justice and his bond. bootless prayers. He seeks my life; his reason well I know: I oft deliver’d from JESSICA : When I was with my father, I his forfeitures many that have at times have heard him swear that he would made moan to me; therefore he hates rather have Antonio’s flesh than twenty me. The duke cannot deny the course of times the value of the sum that he did law: These griefs and losses have so owe him. bated me, that I shall hardly spare a pound of flesh tomorrow to my bloody PORTIA : What sum owes he Shylock? creditor. ( All exit .) * * * BASSANIO : For me three thousand SCENE 8 ducats. SETTING : Belmont.

PORTIA : But let me hear the letter of AT RISE : PORTIA, NERISSA, and your friend. BALTHASAR are present. PORTIA is handing a letter to BALTHASAR. BASSANIO (Reading ): Sweet Bassanio, my ships have all miscarried, my credi - PORTIA : Balthasar, render this letter tors grow cruel, my estate is very low, into my cousin’s hand, Doctor Bellario. my bond to the Jew is forfeit; and since in paying it, it is impossible I should live, BALTHASAR : Madam, I go with all con - all debts are cleared between you and venient speed. ( Exits ) me, if I might but see you at my death. PORTIA : Come on, Nerissa; we’ll see our PORTIA : O love, dispatch all business, husbands before they think of us— and be gone! when we are both accoutred like young men. I’ll tell thee all my whole device BASSANIO : Since I have your good leave when I am in my coach. Haste away, to go away, I will make haste. ( Rushes For we must measure twenty miles to- off ) day. ( They exit quickly .) * * * * * * SCENE 7 SCENE 9 SETTING : Venice. A street. SETTING : Venice. A court of justice.

AT RISE : SHYLOCK, SALARINO, and AT RISE : DUKE, ANTONIO, BAS - ANTONIO enter. SANIO, GRATIANO, SALERIO are onstage. SHYLOCK : I’ll have my bond; speak not against my bond: I have sworn an oath DUKE : Is Antonio here? that I will have my bond. Thou call’dst me dog before thou hadst a cause; but, ANTONIO : Ready, so please your grace. since I am a dog, beware my fangs: The duke shall grant me justice. DUKE : I am sorry for thee: thou art come to answer a stony adversary, an inhu - ANTONIO : I pray thee, hear me speak. man wretch incapable of pity, void and empty from any dram of mercy. SHYLOCK : I’ll have my bond; and there - fore speak no more. ( Exits ) ANTONIO : I have heard your grace hath ta’en great pains to qualify his rigorous SALARINO : It is the most impenetrable course; but since he stands obdurate cur that ever kept with men. and that no lawful means can carry me

APRIL 2015 23 out of his envy’s reach, I do oppose my letter I was very sick: but with me was patience to his fury, and am arm’d to Balthasar, a young doctor of Rome; I suffer, with a quietness of spirit, the acquainted him with the controversy very tyranny and rage of his. between Shylock and Antonio: Let his lack of years be no impediment to let DUKE : Go one, and call Shylock into the him lack a reverend estimation; for I court. ( SHYLOCK enters .) Make room, never knew so young a body with so old and let him stand before our face. a head. I leave him to your gracious Shylock, the world thinks, and I think acceptance. ( PORTIA enters, dressed so too, that thou but lead’st this fashion like a doctor of laws. ) Come you from of thy malice to the last hour of act; and old Bellario? then ’tis thought thou’lt show thy mercy and remorse more strange than is thy PORTIA : I did, my lord. I am informed strange apparent cruelty; and where thoroughly of the cause. ( To ANTONIO ) thou now exact’st the penalty, which is You stand within his danger, do you not? a pound of this poor merchant’s flesh. ANTONIO : Ay, so he says. SHYLOCK : You’ll ask me, why I rather choose to have a weight of carrion flesh PORTIA : Do you confess the bond? than to receive three thousand ducats: I’ll not answer that. ANTONIO : I do.

BASSANIO : This is no answer, thou PORTIA : Then must the Jew be merciful. unfeeling man, to excuse the current of thy cruelty. For thy three thousand SHYLOCK : On what compulsion must I? ducats here is six. Tell me that.

SHYLOCK : The pound of flesh, which I PORTIA : The quality of mercy is not demand of him, is dearly bought; ’tis strain’d, it droppeth as the gentle rain mine and I will have it. from heaven upon the place beneath: it is twice blest; it blesseth him that gives DUKE : Upon my power I may dismiss and him that takes: ’tis mightiest in the this court, unless Bellario, a learned mightiest: it becomes the throned doctor, whom I have sent for to deter - monarch better than his crown; his mine this, come here today. ( NERISSA, sceptre shows the force of temporal dressed like a lawyer’s clerk, enters .) power, the attribute to awe and Came you from Padua, from Bellario? majesty, wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings; but mercy is above this NERISSA : From both, my lord. Bellario sceptred sway; it is enthroned in the greets your grace. ( Presenting a letter ) hearts of kings, it is an attribute to God himself; and earthly power doth then DUKE : This letter from Bellario doth show likest God’s when mercy seasons commend, a young and learned doctor justice. Therefore, Shylock, though jus - to our court. Where is he? tice be thy plea, consider this, that, in the course of justice, none of us should NERISSA : He attendeth here hard by, to see salvation: we do pray for mercy; and know your answer, whether you’ll that same prayer doth teach us all to admit him. render the deeds of mercy. I have spoke thus much to mitigate the justice of thy DUKE : Give him courteous conduct here. plea; which if thou follow, this strict Meantime the court shall hear Bellar- court of Venice must needs give sen - io’s letter. ( Reads ) At the receipt of your tence ’gainst the merchant there.

24 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com SHYLOCK : My deeds upon my head! I PORTIA : You, merchant, have you any - crave the law, the penalty and forfeit of thing to say? my bond. ANTONIO : But little: I am arm’d and PORTIA : Is he not able to discharge the well prepared. Give me your hand, money? Bassanio: fare you well! Grieve not that I am fallen to this for you; commend me BASSANIO : Yes, here I tender it for him to your honourable wife: Tell her the in the court; yea, twice the sum: if that process of Antonio’s end; repent but you will not suffice. that you shall lose your friend, and he repents not that he pays your debt; for PORTIA : I pray you, let me look upon the if the Jew do cut but deep enough, I’ll bond. ( After a pause ) Shylock, there’s pay it presently with all my heart. thrice thy money offer’d thee. BASSANIO : Antonio, I am married to a SHYLOCK : An oath, an oath, I have an wife as dear to me as life itself; but life oath in heaven: Shall I lay perjury upon itself, my wife, and all the world,are not my soul? No, not for Venice. with me esteem’d above thy life: I would lose all, ay, sacrifice them all here to PORTIA : Why, this bond is forfeit; and this devil, to deliver you. lawfully by this the Jew may claim a pound of flesh, to be by him cut off near - PORTIA : Your wife would give you little est the merchant’s heart. Be merciful: thanks for that, if she were heard you Take thrice thy money; bid me tear the make the offer. bond. GRATIANO : I would she were in heaven, SHYLOCK : When it is paid according to so she could change this currish fiend. the tenor. It doth appear you are a wor - thy judge. NERISSA : The wish would make else an unquiet house. ANTONIO : Most heartily I do beseech the court to give the judgment. PORTIA : A pound of the merchant’s flesh is thine: The court awards it, and the PORTIA : Why then, thus it is: You must law doth give it. prepare your bosom for his knife. SHYLOCK : Most rightful judge! SHYLOCK : O noble judge! How much more elder art thou than thy looks! PORTIA : And you must cut this flesh from off his breast: The law allows it; PORTIA : Have by some surgeon, the court awards it. Shylock, on your charge, to stop his wounds, lest he do bleed to death. SHYLOCK : Most learned judge! A sen - tence! Come, prepare! SHYLOCK : Is it so nominated in the bond? PORTIA : Tarry a little; there is some - thing else. This bond doth give thee PORTIA : It is not so express’d: but what here no jot of blood; the words express - of that? ’Twere good you do so much for ly are “a pound of flesh.” Take thy bond, charity. take thou thy pound of flesh. But, in the cutting it, if thou dost shed one drop of SHYLOCK : I cannot find it; ’tis not in the Christian blood, thy lands and goods bond. are, by the laws of Venice, confiscate

APRIL 2015 25 unto the state of Venice. when you do take the prop that doth sustain my house; you take my life SHYLOCK : Is that the law? when you do take the means whereby I live. PORTIA : As thou urgest justice, be assured thou shalt have justice, more PORTIA : What mercy can you render than thou desirest. him, Antonio?

SHYLOCK : I take this offer, then; pay the ANTONIO : So please my lord the duke bond thrice and let him go. and all the court to quit the fine for one half of his goods, I am content; so he PORTIA : Shylock shall have all justice; will let me have the other half in use, to He shall have nothing but the penalty. render it, upon his death, unto the gen - Shed no blood, nor cut thou less nor tleman Lorenzo that lately stole his more but just a pound of flesh: if thou daughter Jessica. cut’st more or less than a just pound, thou diest and all thy goods are confis - DUKE : He shall do this, or else I do cate. recant the pardon that I late pro - nounced here. ( Exits ) SHYLOCK : Give me my principal, and let me go. PORTIA : Art thou contented? What dost thou say? BASSANIO : I have it ready for thee; here it is. SHYLOCK : I am content. I am not well: send the deed after me, and I will sign PORTIA : He hath refused it in the open it. ( Exits ) court: He shall have merely justice and his bond. BASSANIO : Worthy gentleman, I and my friend have by your wisdom been SHYLOCK : Why, then the devil give him this day acquitted of grievous penalties; good of it! in lieu whereof, three thousand ducats, due unto Shylock, we freely cope your PORTIA : Tarry, Shylock: The law hath courteous pains withal. yet another hold on you. It is enacted in the laws of Venice, if it be proved ANTONIO : And stand indebted, over and against an alien that by direct or indi - above, in love and service to you ever - rect attempts he seek the life of any cit - more. izen, the party ’gainst the which he doth contrive shall seize one half his PORTIA : He is well paid that is well sat - goods; the other half comes to the privy isfied; I pray you, know me when we coffer of the state; and the offender’s life meet again: I wish you well, and so I lies in the mercy of the duke. take my leave.

DUKE : That thou shalt see the differ - BASSANIO : Dear sir, take some remem - ence of our spirits, I pardon thee thy life brance of us, as a tribute. before thou ask it: For half thy wealth, it is Antonio’s; the other half comes to PORTIA : You press me far, and therefore the general state, which humbleness I will yield. For your love, I’ll take this may drive unto a fine. ring from you.

SHYLOCK : Nay, take my life and all; BASSANIO : This ring, good sir, alas, it is pardon not that: You take my house a trifle!

26 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PORTIA : I will have nothing else but PORTIA : This night methinks is but the only this. daylight sick; it looks a little paler: ’tis a day, such as the day is when the sun is BASSANIO : The dearest ring in Venice hid. ( BASSANIO, ANTONIO, GRA - will I give you: only for this, I pray you, TIANO enter. GRATIANO approaches pardon me. Good sir, this ring was NERISSA and begins whispering to given me by my wife; and when she put her .) it on, she made me vow that I should neither sell nor give nor lose it. PORTIA : You are welcome home, my lord. PORTIA : Know how well I have deserved the ring. ( PORTIA and NERISSA exit. ) BASSANIO : I thank you, madam. Give welcome to my friend. This is the man, ANTONIO : My Lord Bassanio, let him this is Antonio, to whom I am so infi - have the ring: Let his deservings and nitely bound. my love withal be valued against your wife’s commandment. PORTIA : Sir, you are very welcome to our house. BASSANIO : Go, Gratiano, run and over - take him; give him the ring. ( They exit .) GRATIANO (Raising his voice; to NERIS - * * * SA ): By yonder moon I swear you do me SCENE 10 wrong; in faith, I gave it to the judge’s SETTING : Belmont . clerk.

AT RISE : LORENZO and JESSICA enter. PORTIA : A quarrel, ho, already! What’s the matter? JESSICA : In such a night did Thisbe fearfully o’ertrip the dew and saw the GRATIANO : About a hoop of gold, a pal - lion’s shadow ’ere himself and ran dis - try ring that she did give me. may’d away. NERISSA : You swore to me, when I did LORENZO : In such a night stood Dido give it you, that you would wear it till with a willow in her hand upon the wild your hour of death. sea banks and waft her love to come again to Carthage. GRATIANO : Now, by this hand, I gave it to a youth, a kind of boy, a little JESSICA : In such a night Medea gath - scrubbed boy, no higher than thyself; er’d the enchanted herbs that did renew the judge’s clerk, a prating boy, that old Aeson. begg’d it as a fee: I could not for my heart deny it him. LORENZO : In such a night did Jessica steal from the wealthy Shylock and with PORTIA : You were to blame, I must be an unthrift love did run from Venice as plain with you, to part so slightly with far as Belmont. ( PORTIA and NERIS - your wife’s first gift: I gave my love a SA enter. ) Dear lady, welcome home. ring and made him swear never to part with it; and here he stands; I dare be PORTIA : We have been praying for our sworn for him he would not leave it nor husbands’ healths. Are they return’d? pluck it from his finger, for the wealth that the world masters. LORENZO : Madam, they are not yet. ( A trumpet sounds ) Your husband is at GRATIANO : My Lord Bassanio gave his hand; I hear his trumpet. ring away unto the judge that begg’d it

APRIL 2015 27 and indeed deserved it too; and then the PORTIA : Then you shall be his surety. boy, his clerk, that took some pains in Give him this ( Hands him a ring ) And writing, he begg’d mine; and neither bid him keep it better than the other. man nor master would take aught but the two rings. ANTONIO : Here, Lord Bassanio; swear to keep this ring. PORTIA : What ring gave you my lord? Not that, I hope, which you received of BASSANIO : By heaven, it is the same I me. gave the doctor!

BASSANIO : You see my finger hath not PORTIA : You shall find that Portia was the ring upon it; it is gone. the doctor, Nerissa there her clerk: Lorenzo here shall witness I set forth as PORTIA : Even so void is your false heart soon as you and even but now return’d; of truth. I have not yet enter’d my house. Antonio, you are welcome; and I have BASSANIO : Sweet Portia, if you did better news in store for you than you know to whom I gave the ring, if you did expect: unseal this letter soon; there know for whom I gave the ring and you shall find three of your argosies are would conceive for what I gave the ring richly come to harbour suddenly. and how unwillingly I left the ring, when nought would be accepted but the BASSANIO : Were you the doctor and I ring, you would abate the strength of knew you not? your displeasure. GRATIANO (To NERISSA ): Were you PORTIA : If you had known the virtue of the clerk that is to make me cuckold? the ring, or half her worthiness that gave the ring, or your own honour to NERISSA : Ay, but the clerk that never contain the ring, you would not then means to do it, unless he live until he be have parted with the ring. a man.

ANTONIO : I am the unhappy subject of ANTONIO : Sweet lady, you have given these quarrels. me life and living. My ships are safely come to road. PORTIA : Sir, grieve not you; you are wel - come notwithstanding. PORTIA : How now, Lorenzo! My clerk hath some good comforts too for you. BASSANIO : Portia, forgive me this enforced wrong; and, in the hearing of NERISSA : Ay, and I’ll give them him these many friends, I swear to thee, without a fee. There do I give to you and even by thine own fair eyes, wherein I Jessica, from Shylock, a special deed of see myself. Pardon this fault, and by my gift, After his death, of all he dies pos - soul I swear I never more will break an sess’d of. oath with thee. LORENZO : Fair ladies, you drop manna ANTONIO : I once did lend my body for in the way of starved people. his wealth; which, but for him that had your husband’s ring, had quite miscar - PORTIA : It is almost morning, and yet I ried: I dare be bound again, my soul am sure you are not satisfied of these upon the forfeit, that your lord will events at full. Let us go in. ( Curtain ) never more break faith advisedly. THE END (Production Notes on page 63 )

28 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Middle Grades Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Rapunzel The Grimm Brothers’ timeless tale of a girl imprisoned in a tower with the only way out—her long golden braid. . .

Adapted by Adele Thane

Characters AT RISE : FRANZ is seated on bench, humming to himself as he paints doll’s WITCH face. WITCH enters garden left with watering can and trowel, goes to bed of FRANZ, a dollmaker lettuce and sprinkles it. EMMA, his wife WITCH (Chanting ): RAPUNZEL, their daughter Rapunzel, sweet lettuce, So tender and rare, PRINCE FREDERICK Spread out your green leaves, And perfume the air. BOY (She begins to pull weeds and dig with GIRL trowel. BOY and GIRL are heard laugh - ing off right. FRANZ looks up from his work, smiling. GIRL and BOY enter SCENE 1 down right and approach FRANZ .) TIME : A day in summer. GIRL : Hello, Franz! We’ve come to watch you work. Is that doll finished? SETTING : Witch’s garden and front yard of Franz’s cottage. Garden, left, is sepa - BOY (In a superior tone ): Of course it’s rated from yard, right, by stone wall not finished! Can’t you see? It hasn’t which extends a short way from back any hair yet. down center, ending in high iron gate. Wall continues along back of garden, in FRANZ (To BOY ): Well, well! And who the center of which is a bed of lettuce. is this fine fellow? Oddly-shaped rocks are scattered about. In Franz’s yard are bench and GIRL : He’s my cousin from Hamburg. work table, strewn with material and tools for making dolls. Down right is BOY : I didn’t want to come. She made sign reading, FRANZ —D OLLMAKER . me. ( Snorts in derision ) Dolls! They’re

APRIL 2015 29 for girls. Don’t you make anything for GIRL : Dame Gothel. boys, like tin soldiers or tigers? BOY (Shouting through gate ): Hey! Old FRANZ : No, I’m afraid not. Only dolls. Woman! Witch Gothel! You don’t scare (BOY turns to explore yard .) me!

GIRL (Indicating doll ): Franz, what GIRL (Upset ): Stop it! ( WITCH turns to color is her hair going to be? them, shaking trowel menacingly .) Now see what you’ve done! You’ve FRANZ : Brown, to match her eyes. I made her angry. Run! ( GIRL screams have a nice brown wig here. ( Picks up and runs off right. BOY makes a face at wig, fits it on doll’s head ) What do you WITCH, then laughs and dashes off think? after GIRL. WITCH comes to gate .)

GIRL : I think she wants yellow hair. FRANZ (Nervously, to WITCH ): Don’t mind them, Dame Gothel. You know FRANZ : All right, let’s try this wig of children, they don’t mean anything. long golden braids. ( He sets blonde wig on doll’s head. GIRL nods and FRANZ WITCH (Sarcastically ): Oh, don’t they! begins gluing wig into place. BOY looks (Points to doll he is holding ) That’s a through gate into WITCH’s garden .) pretty doll you have there. I like gold - en hair. There’s magic in golden hair. BOY : What a funny garden! FRANZ : Is that so? Well, well! ( WITCH GIRL (Alarmed ): Come away from there! walks away abruptly and exits left. EMMA enters up right, carrying a BOY : What for? sewing basket, from which she takes a doll’s pinafore .) GIRL : That garden belongs to a witch! EMMA : Franz, here is the doll’s apron. BOY (Lightly ): Huh! I’m not afraid of May I put it on her now? witches! ( Points to WITCH ) Is that the Witch? ( GIRL peers through gate fear - FRANZ (Handing her doll ): Yes, Emma, fully and nods. ) My word! Did you ever I’m finished with her. see such big lettuce! EMMA (At table, tying on pinafore ): GIRL (In hushed tone ): She’s singing to She’s beautiful. How I wish we could herself. Listen! have a real little girl like her.

WITCH (Chanting ): FRANZ (Gently patting her shoulder ): Rapunzel, sweet lettuce, Maybe some day we will, Emma. So tender and rare, Spread out your green leaves EMMA : There, she’s all dressed. She is And perfume the air. a darling! I shall hate to part with her. Franz, couldn’t we keep her for our BOY : What a frightful old hag! own little girl when she comes?

GIRL : Shh-h! She’ll hear you. She might FRANZ : Of course, my dear. To tell the put some kind of spell on us! truth, I’ve become quite fond of her myself. BOY (Swaggering ): I’d like to see her do it! What’s her name? EMMA (Sniffing air ): Mmm-m, what’s

30 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com that perfume I smell? FRANZ : Of course I care, but what can I do? FRANZ : It’s rapunzel—a kind of sweet lettuce that grows in Dame Gothel’s EMMA : Get me some of that lettuce! garden. FRANZ : Very well, you shall have the EMMA (Eagerly ): Let me see! ( She lettuce. I’ll get it for you tonight. peeks through gate. ) Oh, how good it looks! I must have some for dinner. EMMA (Stamping her foot ): No! I want it now—now, do you hear? ( She runs FRANZ : But that’s impossible! You off up right, sobbing .) know Dame Gothel wouldn’t give us a single leaf. FRANZ (Looking after her, shaking his head ): I’ve never seen her in such a EMMA : Then we’ll buy it from her. She state—and all over a bit of lettuce. might be willing to sell it. ( WITCH Well, I’d better get it or she’ll never for - reenters left and goes to bed of rapun - give me. ( He tries gate .) It’s locked. I’ll zel. ) There she is now. ( Calls ) Dame just have to take my chances and climb Gothel! over the wall. I hope Dame Gothel doesn’t see me. Then I would be in a WITCH : Yes, what is it? pickle. ( He disappears behind back wall of garden and a few moments later EMMA : Would you sell us some of that reappears over top of wall. He looks fine lettuce? about cautiously .) So far, so good. ( He jumps down into garden and goes to FRANZ : We’ll be happy to pay you. bed of rapunzel .) Two heads of lettuce should be enough to satisfy Emma. ( As WITCH : Sell this lettuce? Indeed I he kneels to pull up lettuce, he doesn’t won’t. ( Holds up a head of lettuce and see WITCH, who enters stealthily left .) waves it toward EMMA tantalizingly ) You haven’t enough money to buy this. WITCH : Not so fast, my friend! ( FRANZ It’s priceless. From this lettuce I make cries out and jumps to his feet. ) my magic potions. Now go about your Stealing my lettuce, are you? business and don’t bother me again. (She exits left with head of lettuce .) FRANZ : But you wouldn’t sell it to me, and if my wife doesn’t have some of it EMMA (Sitting at table ): Oh, the mean to eat, I don’t know what she’ll do. old thing! ( She bursts into tears .) WITCH : Very well. I will make a bar - FRANZ (Surprised ): Now, now, Emma, gain with you. You may have all the don’t cry. It’s not that important. lettuce you want—on one condition.

EMMA : Well, maybe it isn’t to you, but FRANZ : Name it. it is to me. Oh, Franz, I’ve never want - ed anything so much in my life as that WITCH : When your first child is born, lettuce. If I don’t get it, I’ll die. you must give it to me.

FRANZ (Trying to calm her ): Nonsense, FRANZ (Horrified ): What! Oh, no! my dear. WITCH : Oh, yes! EMMA : You don’t care! FRANZ : No, I couldn’t agree to that.

APRIL 2015 31 And neither would Emma. You can it to me! ( She grabs it from him and keep your lettuce. ( He throws it down sits at table, eating it hungrily .) How and turns to leave .) delicious it is! Did you have to steal it?

WITCH : Stop! You’re not going to get FRANZ (Quietly ): No. out of it as easily as that. You came into my garden uninvited. You tried to EMMA : Don’t tell me Dame Gothel steal my precious rapunzel and you gave it to you, after all the fuss? have refused to bargain with me. Do you know what it means to defy a FRANZ : No, I paid for it—dearly. witch? It means you shall be put under a spell! EMMA : Don’t look so glum, Franz. Whatever you paid, it’s worth it. ( She FRANZ (Trembling ): What kind of smacks her lips with relish .) spell? FRANZ : Is it, my dear? I wonder. ( He WITCH : Do you see these stones here in gazes fearfully at garden. EMMA is too my garden? Once they were real peo - busy devouring lettuce to notice. ple. But they came into my garden to Curtain ) steal my rapunzel and I changed them * * * into stones. And that is what you will SCENE 2 be—a stone! TIME : A year later.

FRANZ : No! SETTING : Same. Doll is on bench.

WITCH : And I shall put a curse on your AT RISE : FRANZ enters up right, carry - wife. She will hunger for my lettuce ing a bassinet, followed by EMMA, who until she dies! carries doll.

FRANZ : Don’t hurt Emma, please! FRANZ (Singing boisterously as he waltzes about yard ): WITCH : Do you promise to give me your Rock-a-bye, baby, on the treetop, first-born child? When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. FRANZ : I’d promise anything to save Emma. EMMA : Be careful! Don’t drop her.

WITCH : Good! I have your word and I’ll FRANZ (Indignantly ): What! Drop my hold you to it. Now, take the lettuce to little girl? What do you take me for? your wife. I hope she enjoys it! ( WITCH (Sings ) laughs and goes to unlock gate. FRANZ When the bough breaks, the cradle will slowly picks up heads of lettuce and fall— exits into his own yard. As WITCH locks gate, she jeers at him .) Don’t for - EMMA (Clearing space on work table ): get to tell your wife the good news! Here, set her down. ( FRANZ swings (She cackles as she exits left .) bassinet in a wide arc as he lowers it to table. ) Gently, gently! FRANZ (To himself ): I won’t tell Emma. I can’t. It would break her heart. FRANZ (Singing ): (EMMA enters up right .) Down will come baby, cradle and all! (He sets bassinet down on table with a EMMA : Oh, you have the lettuce! Give slight bump. )

32 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com EMMA : You are so rambunctious! FRANZ (Vehemently ): No, no!

FRANZ (S trutting about ): And why EMMA : What’s the matter with you? shouldn’t I be? I’m a happy father. WITCH : I’ll tell you what’s the matter. EMMA (Gazing adoringly into bassi- He made a bargain with me and he net ): Just look at her! If she isn’t the hasn’t kept it. image of an angel, I don’t know what is. EMMA : What bargain? FRANZ : I’ve never seen a more beauti - ful baby. Her hair is like spun gold. WITCH : In exchange for the rapunzel you wanted, he promised me your first- EMMA (Placing doll in bassinet ): What born child. shall we call her, Franz? It should be something that goes with her hair, EMMA (Horrified ): Franz, is this true? don’t you think? Like Glorianna, or Oribel—that means “golden beauty.” FRANZ : Yes, Emma. It was the only way I could get the rapunzel for you. FRANZ : A flower-name would be nice. And she threatened to harm you if I There’s Marigold and Mignonette and refused. Primrose—( While they talk, WITCH enters garden from left and swiftly cross - EMMA : Oh, Franz, how could you do es to gate, where she stands listening .) such a thing?

EMMA : Arelia? Dorlisa? What shall it WITCH : Come now, give me the child. be? EMMA : Please, Dame Gothel, don’t WITCH (Speaking suddenly ): Why not take my baby! name her Rapunzel? WITCH : Why shouldn’t I take what FRANZ (Whirling to face her and crying belongs to me? You had your lettuce— out in alarm ): Dame Gothel! now I will have the child. A bargain is a bargain. EMMA : Why, how do you do, Dame Gothel? Have you been away? I haven’t EMMA : I made no bargain with you. seen you since my husband bought the You shall not have her. lettuce from you last summer. WITCH : Very well. If you won’t give her WITCH : That’s right, dearie. Would you to me, then I shall have to get her in like some more? another way.

EMMA : Oh, no, thank you. I haven’t EMMA : Never! I will die first. been hungry for it since that day. WITCH : No, not die, but be changed into WITCH : Is that your baby? I want to see stone—both of you! ( She raises her her. ( Unlocks gate, comes out of garden ) arms and chants. EMMA and FRANZ freeze .) FRANZ (Quickly stepping in front of Change to stone, change to stone! bassinet ): No! Flesh and hair, skin and bone. Statues be and statues stay, EMMA : Franz, where are your man - Do not move when I’m away. ners? Let Dame Gothel see the baby. (She picks up bassinet and goes to gate,

APRIL 2015 33 where she turns to face rigid forms of sill. ) How do you expect me to get a EMMA and FRANZ .) good foothold if you jerk the braid like My curse forever on you lies that? Unless for love Rapunzel cries. And she will never cry for love, I’ll see RAPUNZEL : I’m sorry, godmother, but it to that! I will shut her up in a tower does pull, you know. I shall never get and teach her how to become a witch. used to it. She will learn the fun of mixing potions and making spells. And then WITCH (Swinging knapsack onto table ): she will laugh! She will laugh for hate! Here is your food—and a surprise. But never cry for love—never, never, never! ( Cackling, WITCH passes into RAPUNZEL (Happily ): Oh, what is it? garden, closes and locks gate and runs Indian pudding? Gingerbread? off left. Curtain ) * * * WITCH : It’s a book. ( Takes book from SCENE 3 knapsack ) TIME : Fifteen years later. RAPUNZEL (Disappointed ): A book! It’s SETTING : A tower room. A casement awfully big. ( WITCH hands it to her window is right, and near it are a table and she reads title .) The Black Arts. and a stool. Bassinet and doll are on What does that mean? cot at left. WITCH : Enchantment! Sorcery! Witch- AT RISE : RAPUNZEL is on stool, gaz - craft! This is my book of spells. ing out window. Her golden hair is plaited in one long braid, which is RAPUNZEL : But what has it to do with wound about her waist like a sash, the me? end hanging down to the floor. As she looks out window, she sings an appro - WITCH : It has everything to do with priate folk song such as “Greensleeves.” you, my little salad. ( Taps book with At end of song, she sighs, then leans her finge r) This book will teach you forward out window to look at some - how to become—a witch! thing below. RAPUNZEL (Dropping book on table ): RAPUNZEL : Here comes Dame Gothel But I don’t want to become a witch! with my food for today. I hope she’s brought something special. WITCH : Bah! You are fifteen years old now, and it’s time you made something WITCH (Calling offstage ): Rapunzel! of yourself. Rapunzel! Let down your hair! ( RAPUN - ZEL unwinds braid from around her RAPUNZEL : Then let me go out into the waist and lowers it out window .) world and live like a human being.

RAPUNZEL (Calling down ): Here you WITCH : When you go out into the are, godmother. ( She grips braid with world, it will not be as a human being both hands and braces herself .) Ow! but as a witch, a powerful witch! Now, Please don’t yank so hard! It hurts! open that book and start studying. Learn the first lesson by heart. I shall WITCH (Louder, from offstage ): Stand test you when I return. ( She goes to still, will you! ( She appears outside window .) Goodbye, my little lettuce window with a knapsack strapped to leaf. Mind you, study your lesson well. her back. RAPUNZEL helps her over (She steps over windowsill and disap -

34 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com pears, as if climbing down RAPUN- RAPUNZEL : You must go away at once. ZEL’s braid. RAPUNZEL draws up If Dame Gothel finds you here, I don’t her hair, goes to table, opens book .) know what she’ll do.

RAPUNZEL (Reading ): “Lesson I. Make PRINCE : I’m not afraid of her. But why a brew of the following ingredients: the are you shut up in this tower—a beau - eyes of a lizard; the tail of a mouse; the tiful girl like you? legs of a spider; the wings of a bat; the skin of a toad.” Ugh! ( She shivers .) “Let RAPUNZEL : Dame Gothel keeps me stand for three days, then drink a here. She’s a witch—and she’s going to thimbleful by the light of the waning make me a witch, too! moon.” Oh, it’s horrible! I won’t do it, I won’t, I won’t! ( Sound of birds twitter - PRINCE (Horrified ): Then you must ing is heard. RAPUNZEL turns to win - come away with me at once! dow .) Hello, little birds! You sound very happy. How I envy your freedom! RAPUNZEL : How can I? There is no way You can go wherever you like, but I’m of getting down from this tower except locked in a cage. by my hair.

PRINCE (Calling offstage ): Rapunzel! PRINCE : I have a strong rope in my sad - Rapunzel! Let down your hair! dlebag. I’m sure it is long enough to reach down to the ground. I’ll get it. ( He RAPUNZEL (Starting up in dismay ): Oh, climbs out window and disappears. ) good heavens, it’s Dame Gothel! She’s back already, and I haven’t studied the RAPUNZEL (Calling after him ): Hurry! lesson. She will be furious with me! Dame Gothel may be back any minute. (RAPUNZEL hastily places book open (Looks off into distance ) Oh, here she on stool by window and starts memo - comes! Slide down quickly! There, he’s rizing text, at the same time lowering safe. ( Calls to WITCH ) Godmother! I her braid out window. She keeps her saw you coming and let down my hair. eyes on page, mumbling to herself as (WITCH appears outside the window .) she studies. PRINCE FREDERICK appears outside window and jumps WITCH : Help me up, will you? into room. RAPUNZEL looks up in alarm. ) Oh! Where is Dame Gothel! RAPUNZEL (Helping her into room ): Oh, you’re so much heavier than the PRINCE : You mean that old woman who Prince! ( She exclaims in horror as she just left? Far away, I hope. Don’t be realizes what she has said .) afraid. I won’t harm you. WITCH : Prince? What Prince? RAPUNZEL : Who are you? RAPUNZEL : N-nobody, godmother. PRINCE : My name is Prince Frederick. I was riding through the forest and WITCH : So! A prince has been here, has heard you singing. Your song was so he? And is coming back, no doubt! sad, it touched my heart, and I stopped Well, he’ll get a warm welcome from to listen. As I stood at the foot of this me. Come here! I’ll teach you to deceive tower, I saw the old woman come, so I me. ( She picks up a pair of huge scis - hid in the trees, and heard her call to sors from table .) you—“Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!” Then, when she left, I RAPUNZEL (Backing away ): What are called to you myself, and here I am. you going to do?

APRIL 2015 35 WITCH : This won’t hurt. ( She grabs WITCH (Picking up book ): Come with RAPUNZEL’s braid and cuts it off .) me! I’m taking you far away from here. Snip! Snap! (She grips RAPUNZEL by the arm .)

RAPUNZEL : Oh! You’ve cut off my hair! RAPUNZEL (Pulling back ): I won’t go! How can the Prince climb up to me now? ( She starts to weep .) WITCH : Oh yes, you will. ( She drags RAPUNZEL to window and climbs WITCH : I’ll show you how. ( She fastens onto sill .) the braid to a hook by window .) Wait until he comes, my pretty. Wait until RAPUNZEL : Let go of me! Let go! ( With he sees who is holding this golden a mighty effort, she jerks her arm free. braid. ( A whistle is heard. ) WITCH loses her balance and falls from sight. ) RAPUNZEL : There he is! ( She rushes to window but WITCH seizes her and PRINCE (Anxiously ): Rapunzel! What pushes her back .) happened? Are you all right?

WITCH : Keep still! Now, stand over RAPUNZEL (Leading him to a chair ): there out of the way. ( She points to Yes, I am all right. But the witch has other side of room. ) fallen from the tower and is gone for - ever. PRINCE (Calling offstage ): Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair! PRINCE (Smiling ): Thank heaven, you (WITCH lowers braid out window, then are saved. crouches at one side so PRINCE does not see her until he has jumped into RAPUNZEL (Sadly ): But you, my prince, room. A length of rope is coiled over his you are not saved. The witch is not shoulder. ) Rapunzel, here is the rope. here to remove the spell. ( She weeps .) Oh, whatever will we do? WITCH : Aha! You have come to fetch your lady love, have you? Well, look on PRINCE (Putting his hands to her eyes ): her for the last time, because you will What do I feel? Tears? never see her again. When your sight returns, she and I will be far, far away. RAPUNZEL : Yes, dear Frederick, tears (WITCH raises her arms and chants .) of love. I shall never leave you. I will Demons of darkness, take care of you always. Black cats of night! Scratch out his eyes, PRINCE (Looking at her in amazement ): Take away his sight! Why, what is this? I can see you, (PRINCE cries out and falls to his Rapunzel! knees, covering his eyes with his hands. ) RAPUNZEL : You can see? RAPUNZEL (Running to him ): Frederick! What has she done? PRINCE : Oh, Rapunzel, your tears of love have broken the witch’s spell! PRINCE : She has cast a spell over my (Suddenly there is a loud thunderclap eyes! I cannot see! and lights flicker .) Quickly, we must leave this tower! Is there anything you RAPUNZEL (Turning on WITCH in a want to take with you? fury ): You wicked old hag! RAPUNZEL (Getting doll from cot ): Yes,

36 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com this doll. My true parents gave it to me FRANZ (Peering at doll ): Why, I believe when I was a baby. ( PRINCE helps her it is! out window, then climbs down after her as the stage is in darkness, and thun - EMMA (Hopefully ): Do you think. . . der is heard. Curtains close. After a could it possibly be— moment, lights come up, and RAPUN - ZEL and PRINCE hurry in right, in FRANZ (Going to RAPUNZEL ): Young front of curtain .) lady, may I ask where you got that doll? PRINCE : We escaped just in time. RAPUNZEL : Why, I’ve had it ever since RAPUNZEL (Pointing off right ): Look, I was a baby. My parents gave it to me. Frederick! The tower has disappeared. Was it a spell that did it? EMMA : Who were your parents, my dear? PRINCE : Yes, Rapunzel, the spell of love, the greatest magic of all. ( Voices RAPUNZEL : I don’t know. I was brought are heard off left, and EMMA and up by a witch called Dame Gothel. FRANZ enter, looking about, dazed. ) FRANZ and EMMA : Dame Gothel! EMMA : Where are we, Franz? How did we get here? EMMA : Oh, Franz, she is our child! Rapunzel! FRANZ : I haven’t the slightest idea. ( He crosses to PRINCE .) Your pardon, sir. RAPUNZEL : Mother! Father! ( They rush Could you tell us, please, where we into each other’s arms .) are? EMMA : My little girl! PRINCE : You are at the edge of the enchanted forest. FRANZ : My dearest daughter!

FRANZ : The enchanted forest! Well, RAPUNZEL (Introducing PRINCE ): well! That probably accounts for it. Father, Mother, this is Prince Frederick, who rescued me from the PRINCE : Accounts for what, my man? witch. Oh, I have so much to tell you!

FRANZ : Why, the way it happened. It PRINCE : But not here, Rapunzel. Come, was very strange. There was a loud let us go to my kingdom where we can thunderclap and suddenly we were talk to our hearts’ content, happily here. ( EMMA takes FRANZ aside. ) ever after. ( He leads the way off left as curtain falls .) EMMA (Speaking excitedly ): Franz, THE END that doll—in the girl’s arms. Isn’t that (Production Notes on next page ) the doll you made for our baby?

APRIL 2015 37 PRODUCTION NOTES Rapunzel (Play on pages 29-37 )

CHARACTERS : 3 male; 4 female. PLAYING TIME : 25 minutes. COSTUMES : Witch wears black robe; Prince has appropriate royal costume. Others wear peasant dress. Rapunzel has blonde hair, with a long braid. PROPERTIES : Watering can, trowel, glue, paint, pots and brushes, doll, dark and blonde doll’s wigs, doll’s pinafore, bassinet, book, scissors, knapsack, rope, sewing basket. SETTING : Scenes 1 and 2: Witch’s gar - den and front yard of Franz’s cottage. The garden, left, is separated from yard right by a stone wall extending part way down center and ending in a high iron gate. Wall continues along the back of the garden. In the center of the garden is a bed of lettuce, and oddly- shaped rocks and flowers are scattered about. In yard are a bench and a work table, which is strewn with material and tools for making dolls. Down right is sign reading, FRANZ —D OLLMAKER . Exits are left, up right and down right. Scene 3: A tower room. A casement window, through which characters enter and exit, is on right wall. There is a hook beside the window. Nearby are a table and stool, and at left is cot. LIGHTING : Lights dim and come up at the end of Scene 3. SOUND : Birds singing, thunder.

38 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Radio Play (Middle Grades) Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

The Spirit in the Bottle Beautiful princess and plain woodcutter hatch a plan to save the kingdom from a terrible ogre. . . .

by Bruce Berger

Characters FRITZ : Well, uh, I, uh, oh— NARRATOR FATHER : I know, I know. If it isn’t bro - FRITZ FERNWADDLE ken, you’ll fix that. Sit down, my boy— no! Not on my lap! Over there! It’s time FATHER we had that father-son talk. PRINCESS PENNY FRITZ : Yes, Father. I was prepared for GEORGE, the genie this. What would you like to know?

BINGO , the ogre FATHER : When are you going to get a job? That’s what I want to know!

NARRATOR : There once lived a weary FRITZ : Soon, Father. I am very close to woodcutter who toiled from dawn ’til finishing school. dusk every day of his 65 years of life. His wife had long since passed away, FATHER : You’ve been attending that leaving him alone with a very homely All-Star Acorn Academy for five years son to address his troubling golden now. years. FRITZ : And I’m just a hen’s tooth away FATHER : Fritz! Fritz! Where are you, from graduating. I can almost taste it! you lazy loafer? FATHER : It’s a two-year school! I have FRITZ : I am here, Father. run out of money for the tuition! It’s time you tasted something else. FATHER : Why are your feet soaking wet? What happened? FRITZ : Oh, darn! I’ll be just six months short— FRITZ : I was fixing the kitchen sink. FATHER : All my savings have been FATHER : Fixing it? But it wasn’t broken! squandered away! Now when my limbs

APRIL 2015 39 and back creak and crack, you need to gruesome giant ogre that has invaded shoulder responsibility in providing for our kingdom’s realm, wreaking havoc us. You must carry on as I pass to you all about? the torch of my trade. FRITZ : Well, I don’t get out much. You FRITZ : Rest at ease, Father. I will not let say this ogre’s name is Shirley? you down. What is this, by the way? PRINCESS : No, Bingo is his name—an FATHER : It’s an ax! Your scholarly days utterly awful brute who slaughtered all are over. To be a wood-cutter is now thirteen of the Royal King’s Guard. your destiny! A warm fire beckons me Thus I am scouring the land side solo to its side. for a hero!

FRITZ : I see! I see! And which end do I FRITZ : Golly, that is very courageous of use? you! Your father must be proud.

NARRATOR : The faithful Fritz ventured PRINCESS : Actually, I believe he is hid - forth into the forest to find a suitable ing under his bed. tree to chop down to gain his Father’s approval. Suddenly, he came upon an FRITZ : I’d sure like to help with your enormous oak tree which had sturdily knight problem, but the All-Star Acorn stood on its mark for over a hundred Academy is a day school. Plus I’m set on years. ( Chopping sound is heard. ) falling this here tree. ( Chopping sound Following an hour of tireless toil, the followed by a small cry for help ) Oh, it laboring lad was interrupted in his would be nice to help, but— new-found trade. VOICE (From roots of tree ): Help! PRINCESS : Excuse me, my fine fellow. I think you would have greater success FRITZ : Whoa! What a day this be! A using the other end of that ax. I am talking tree! Princess Penny. PRINCESS : I think that voice came from FRITZ : Not Princess Penny the perfectly between the roots down there. pretty daughter of the leader of our land? FRITZ : Holy smoke! My chopping has loosened a glass bottle down yonder. PRINCESS : That is I. PRINCESS : Can you see what is inside? FRITZ : Greetings, most beautiful lady. Thanks for the tip with the ax. How FRITZ : It’s hopping around like a frog on may I be of service to you? a hot plate. I can barely see. It’s so dirty. PRINCESS : Well, I have sort of lost my way, I’m afraid. According to this map, PRINCESS : Here! Take this hanky and I should be close to the shimmering rub it clean. ( A loud “poof!” is heard .) shores of Lake Hopeless. NARRATOR : Emerging from the crystal- FRITZ : Lake Hopeless is just over yon - clear container there swirled a massive der. Pardon me, Princess, but why do white funnel cloud. Gradually a giant you travel all alone? genie thirty-three feet tall appeared before the dazzled saviors. PRINCESS : Surely, you have heard of the

40 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com GEORGE (In a booming voice and joyful - FRITZ : Princess, please give me the map. ly clapping ): Free at last! Praise to all Here—attend to this, Genie. the stars in the sky! Who is the rescuer that rubbed me to liberty? Who is the GEORGE : The name is George. master of George the Genie? FRITZ : O.K., George, here is a map of our FRITZ : That would be me! kingdom besieged by an ugly ogre named Bingo. Can you help us get rid of PRINCESS : Hey, it was my hanky! him with my first wish?

GEORGE : What? Where are you, my GEORGE : Not Bingo the ogre? friends? I can barely hear you. PRINCESS : You know him? FRITZ (Shouting ): Hey! Down here, big guy. It is I, the would-be woodcutter GEORGE : Afraid I do. You know, even Fritz Fernwaddle. with my superior powers there are some limitations. An ogre is protected PRINCESS : And me, too. Princess Penny, under the shelter of the Brotherhood daughter of the king around here. Local Union Number 2763 for warthogs, goblins, gargoyles, gremlins, GEORGE : Here, let me pick you up and and plumbers. hold you in the palm of my hand. FRITZ : Well then, do you think maybe FRITZ : All right, but promise not to clap. you could give me better looks in hopes that I could attract the heart of a maid - GEORGE : Wow! You are a cutie pie, en fair? Princess Penny! And axeman— (Shocked ) Ah-h-h! Talk about beauty GEORGE (After a thoughtful pause ): Let and the beast! me have another look at that map.

FRITZ : Hey, I’m not that ugly! NARRATOR : The gentle genie carried the princess and the wood-cutter back to GEORGE : No, trust me. . .you are! the castle, where the evil ogre was Beauty may be only skin deep, but greedily devouring a flock of sheep. As when you’re ugly like you it’s all the they hid behind some trees, they puz - way to the bone. zled over a positive plan.

PRINCESS : Yo, lighten up, big foot. He PRINCESS : There he is, the vile villain. saved you from your confinement. FRITZ : Boy, he is huge. Not as large as GEORGE : All right, simmer down. Let’s you, though, George. get to the wishing business. GEORGE : Steady now. My magical pow - PRINCESS : That’s the spirit! ers cannot be used upon him.

FRITZ : Wishes? Do I get three like FRITZ : Perhaps we can subdue this das - Aladdin and his genie? tardly creature by other means. How about I challenge the ogre into a contest GEORGE : Yes, but hurry up. I want to of wits and combat of mind games? begin my new life when your wishing is (GEORGE and PRINCESS laugh. ) done. Hey, I almost graduated from the All- Star Acorn Academy. A dumb ogre

APRIL 2015 41 should present no match for me. than a Bingo Burp!

GEORGE : Right! You’d have better luck BINGO : Princess, back again? A penny racing him to the moon. for your thoughts. Ha ha ha! Who’s your homely homeboy? Not another nasty PRINCESS : Wait, that might be the knight? I’m trembling in fear. answer. PRINCESS : This is fearless Fritz from FRITZ : I tried flying once, and it didn’t go the forest, and he is here to issue a chal - too well. lenge to put you in your proper place. . . namely, far away from here! PRINCESS : Not flying—we’ll dare him into a race to see who can eat a greater BINGO : A challenge? What will it be: amount and consume it faster. Wrestling? Boxing? Weight-lifting?

FRITZ : I took fourth place in a pie-eating PRINCESS : A food-eating contest! contest once. BINGO : An eating contest? Against that PRINCESS : With his appetite, we are scrawny scarecrow? That’s a piece of going to need something more hardy. I cake for me. What is the prize? will have the royal chefs prepare our stocky squirrel stew—the Kingdom spe - PRINCESS : If he wins, you leave our land cialty. Then we’ll challenge the ogre to and never return. the contest. If he loses, he leaves. BINGO : What do I get when I win? FRITZ : But what if he wins? PRINCESS : A treasure trove of gold! GEORGE : He can have a treasure trove of solid gold; that will be your second BINGO : Done, then. I always love a chal - wish. lenge to outeat an unworthy opponent. Start wrapping up the gold, girl. FRITZ : What was my first? Besides, I doubt I can outeat that meal monster. NARRATOR : The royal chefs prepared one hundred and twenty cisterns filled PRINCESS : No, look. George will stay to the brim with the savory stocky here at the edge of the forest, and he squirrel stew. Sixty were brought to will consume all of your portions. You Bingo while another sixty were deliv - are hungry, aren’t you, George? ered to the edge of the forest for Fritz.

GEORGE : Famished! I haven’t eaten in a BINGO : Hey! Don’t be shy, wood-cutter. hundred years. Come and eat with me.

PRINCESS : That’s settled, then. You stay PRINCESS : Oh, he doesn’t want to offend here and Fritz and I will go and deal the you. Eats with his mouth open and gets dare! more on his shirt than in his mouth. All right! Ready! Get set! Go! NARRATOR : Boldly, the brave duo approached the ogre. NARRATOR : The two combatants began feasting furiously on the cisterns of BINGO : Burp! stew. The blinding blur of Bingo’s jaws was a sight to behold. However, it was PRINCESS : How rude! Nothing worse Fritz who claimed victory, emptying

42 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com every cistern of stew before his adver - FRITZ : Genie, for my next wish, I entreat sary. you both to Turkey.

FRITZ : All sixty are bottoms up! GEORGE : And your last wish! Farewell, my friends. ( Loud poof sound ) PRINCESS : Well done, Fritz! FRITZ : Doggone it! I got cheated out of a BINGO : Now, hold on here a minute! wish here. Something seems kind of fishy. PRINCESS : Wait, Fritz. There’s a card on PRINCESS : Not fish—squirrel! Adios, the ground here. amigo! FRITZ : What does it say? FRITZ : Here’s your bag. What’s your hurry? B—I—N—G—O! PRINCESS: Madman Maurice’s Miracu- lous Make-overs! Call for an appoint - PRINCESS : And Bingo was his NAME—O! ment. Oh, Fritz. You don’t need a makeover. You’re perfect the way you BINGO : I think there’s been some cheat - are! ing here. Nobody ever beat me to eat that quick. Maybe I’ll just eat the two of FRITZ : Are you kidding? Everybody says you for dessert and take that gold as “Homely” should be my middle name. just desserts! PRINCESS : I’m not everybody. You’re the GEORGE : And maybe I will just report bravest man in our kingdom. Not only you to the Brotherhood of Local Union that—you’re friendly, polite, sweet, and 2763. They’ll take away your I.D. Card, you’ve got a great sense of humor. You your decoder ring, and all your benefits. are my kind of guy. Will you marry me?

BINGO : George the Genie! I might have FRITZ : Whoa! A lady never asked me known you had a hand in this some - that before now! Yes! With all my heart. where. Long time no see! What’s new? . .YES!!!

GEORGE : I’ve been underground for NARRATOR : With the ogre’s departure, awhile. Come on, Bingo. You were beat - the King crawled out from under his bed en in the eating meet fair and square. and enjoyed the peace that re-turned to his Kingdom. Fritz made his father BINGO (Sniffling ): I know. It’s just that proud for securing a healthy and I’ve got nowhere to go! wealthy retirement. Both fathers agreed that this was a perfect match. Princess GEORGE : There’s a place down south a Penny and Fritz were wed in a grand piece called Turkey. Nothing better ceremony and lived happily ever after. than a flock of those birds, especially at THE END Thanksgiving.

PRODUCTION NOTES The Spirit in the Bottle CHARACTERS : 3 male, 1 female, 2 SOUND EFFECTS : Chopping; cry for male or female. help; loud poof. PLAYING TIME : 15 minutes.

APRIL 2015 43 Middle Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Chef’s Surprise Two “French” chefs make a hash out of dinner while saving the guest of honor from his murderous nieces.

by Craig Sodaro

Characters BRIE carries a grocery bag full of food. PIERRE GOUGERE, a chef PIERRE carries a box full of food and equipment. They look over the room. BRIE POULET, his assistant and PIERRE (In awe, with a New York girlfriend accent ): Will you get a load of this place! RUFUS WELLINGTON, a wealthy BRIE (With similar accent ): Yikes! Some- old man body doesn’t have to sing for his supper.

GINGER WELLINGTON, his niece PIERRE : And if we play our cards right, COCO WELLINGTON, another we could end up with a place like this. (PIERRE sets box on table and sits at niece head. Sniffing ) Hey, what’s that smell?

OLIVE CURRY, the family lawyer BRIE : Oh, I’m wearing a clove of garlic. Wards off evil spirits. MAX APPLEBY, Ginger’s boyfriend TYLER POTTS, Coco’s boyfriend PIERRE : Here we go again with your superstitious craziness!

SCENE 1 BRIE : Yeah, well, we were really lucky TIME : The present. to get this gig. I don’t want to push it.

SETTING : Dining room of Wellington PIERRE : Hey, people love Brooklyn Manor, with banquet table center. Six Catering, “From our Fridge to your chairs are at the table, two at ends, four Mouth.” facing the audience. A portrait or two of grim old Wellington ancestors decorate BRIE : We oughta work on that slogan. the upstage wall. Sounds kinda gross.

AT RISE : PIERRE and BRIE enter left. PIERRE : It’s worked for a year now. And

44 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com this gig is our best job yet. This’ll put GINGER : I see you’ve finally made it. Brooklyn Catering on the map! BRIE : Zee traffic was abominable. BRIE : Actually it’ll put Chez Pierre Catering on the map. PIERRE (As he rights the chair; also in a terrible French accent ): A thousand par - PIERRE : Shay who? dons, Mademoiselle.

BRIE : Chez Pierre. That’s you! GINGER : Yes, well, I’m Ginger Welling- ton and my sister Coco and I are host - PIERRE : What’re you talking about? I’m ing our Uncle Rufus’s seventy-eighth Mickey Binns, and proud of it. birthday party here tonight.

BRIE : I know, but as soon as Ms. BRIE : Très bien. Wellington gets in here, you’re Pierre Gougere and I’m Brie Poulet. PIERRE : Yeah, tray whatever. ( BRIE elbows PIERRE. ) Ouch! PIERRE : What, I’m not allowed to call you Trish? What haven’t you told me? GINGER (Briskly ): You’ve got four hours until the party begins. Here’s the BRIE : The Wellingtons wanted a menu. ( She hands paper to PIERRE .) French caterer. I told her I’d find one There will be six of us in all. for her. ( Shrugs ) So here we are. PIERRE : Hey! I can’t read this. PIERRE : French? Oh, O.K. Like French fries, French toast, French dressing. BRIE (Snatching paper ): Of course not, We’re good. mon cher. You need zee glasses.

BRIE (Exasperated ): Mickey! Just re- GINGER : You’re making escargot à la member, you’re Pierre Gougere. And bourguignonne, cassoulet de canard, I’m Brie. ratatouille, mousse au chocolat, and, of course, a fresh baguette. PIERRE : That’s kinda cheesy, Trish. Hey, since you get to do a lot of chop - BRIE (To GINGER ): Très bien. It is a ping as my new assistant chef, I got classic menu. you a present. ( He pulls knife from box .) A brand-new knife. GINGER : And I want to warn you. . . Uncle Rufus is on a salt-reduced diet, BRIE (Terrified ): Oh, gosh, Mickey, giv - so don’t make anything too salty. ing somebody a knife for a present is Comprenez-vous? bad luck. Hide it! PIERRE : Ha? PIERRE : Those crazy superstitions are going to get you in trouble, kiddo! BRIE : Pierre is surprised to find some - (Thinking ) Pierre and Brie. Sound like body who speaks a bit of French. rejects from “Dancing with the Stars.” Come, Pierre, we begin immediately. (GINGER enters left carrying a vase of Where will we find zee escargot? flowers. PIERRE jumps out of his chair and knocks it over. ) GINGER : In the garden, where else?

BRIE (Speaking with a terrible French PIERRE : Let us go pick some, Brie. accent ): Ooolala! So clumsy, Pierre!

APRIL 2015 45 GINGER : You’ll have to catch them first. briefcase. ) All it needs is Rufus’s signa - ture and two witnesses. BRIE : They’re snails, Pierre. Always try - ing to be the funny man, this one. ( BRIE COCO (Concerned ): Well, there’ll be and PIERRE pick up bag and box .) plenty of witnesses here tonight.

GINGER : I hope your cooking is better OLIVE : How about a cup of tea? It was than your jokes, Monsieur Gougere. a long drive in all that rain. This way to the kitchen! ( GINGER leads them off right. A doorbell rings. A COCO : Oh, well, the famed Chef Pierre moment later COCO and OLIVE enter Gougere is in the kitchen, I believe. left. OLIVE carries a small briefcase. ) He’ll pour you one.

COCO : Soooooo glad you could come, OLIVE (Exiting right ): Cheerio! ( COCO Ms. Curry. opens briefcase, looks through it, finds a paper, looks it over, and furiously OLIVE : I wouldn’t miss the old boy’s tears it up as GINGER enters right .) birthday for anything. What’s he now, sixty? GINGER : What’re you doing?

COCO : Seventy-eight. COCO : The old fool made a new will! He cut us out entirely! OLIVE : Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? GINGER (Horrified ): We’re too late!

COCO : Yes, it seems like just yesterday COCO : No, it’s not signed yet. And it won’t Ginger and I had to come here after be if everything goes according to plan. our poor parents were killed. Hardly seems like it’s been thirty-five long, GINGER : This had better work, Coco. really long years. COCO : Of course it’ll work. OLIVE : I’m surprised you two didn’t strike out on your own and make some - GINGER : Oh, sure, because you thought thing of yourselves. Sorry, that didn’t of it. My plan would have been better. come out quite right. COCO (Sarcastically ): Oh, is that the COCO : Ginger and I felt it was our duty one where we take Uncle Rufus to the to devote ourselves entirely to Uncle top of the Empire State Building and Rufus. And lately we’re just a bit con - push him off like King Kong? cerned about Uncle Rufus’s affairs. GINGER : What was wrong with that? OLIVE (Horrified ): What affairs? We’d just say he tripped.

COCO : His will and so on. COCO : Over a fence twelve feet tall?

OLIVE (Relieved ): Oh, don’t you worry GINGER : Well, the Grand Canyon does - about that. I may be over the hill, but I n’t have a fence around it. That would can still pull a new will out of my hat. have worked.

COCO (Surprised ): A new will? COCO : And just how often does Uncle Rufus go to the Grand Canyon? OLIVE : Got it right here. ( She pats

46 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com GINGER : O.K., smarty pants. So, you GINGER : You’re putting the poison in got a better idea. But you sure hired a the salt? couple of rookies to cook dinner. COCO : Bingo! He’ll never notice it COCO : Exactly! I intend to plant some because it blends in perfectly. evidence in their equipment and they’ll take the fall. After all, they have access GINGER : What if somebody else uses it? to all the food. They’re the logical ones to. . .doctor it a bit. COCO : I’ll just make sure there’s anoth - er salt shaker on the table. ( GINGER GINGER : Doctor it? ( COCO pulls out a laughs. ) What’s so funny? The plan is small packet. ) perfect! Nothing can go wrong!

COCO : There’s enough arsenic, strych - GINGER : I was thinking. . .somebody nine, curare, and cyanide in here to called Uncle Rufus the salt of the bump off the entire population of earth. So salt’s going to put him in the Staten Island. ground. Six feet under! ( RUFUS enters left. He wears glasses on top of his GINGER : Where’d you get that? head. He cradles a stuffed or real cat .)

COCO : You don’t want to know, Sis. RUFUS : Girls? Girls?

GINGER : Well, great, you got some poi - GINGER : Why, Uncle Rufus! ( Disgust- son. Are you just going to waltz over to ed ) And MewMew. him and sprinkle it on his escargot? COCO : Still calling us girls after all COCO : How stupid do you think I am? these years. (GINGER is about to reply. ) Don’t answer that! What’s the one thing RUFUS : If the world’s divided into boys Uncle Rufus always does before he and girls, you’re girls. See my glasses begins eating? around?

GINGER : He sits down. GINGER : They’re on your head, Uncle Rufus. COCO : After that? RUFUS (Finding them ): Well, I’ll be! GINGER : He puts his napkin on his lap. Why didn’t you say something, MewMew? Need ’em when Olive stops COCO (Impatiently ): All right, yes. by with some papers for me to sign.

GINGER : Then he always coughs. ( GIN - GINGER : She’s coming to the party, you GER coughs dramatically .) know.

COCO : He grabs the salt! He dumps RUFUS : We’re having a party? salt on everything. COCO : We sure are, Uncle Rufus. It’s GINGER (Tsk-tsking ): And that’s so bad your birthday. for his heart. RUFUS : Hear that, MewMew? It’s my COCO : Yeah, well, it’s going to be a real birthday! Well, I’ll be! They come humdinger this time! around so fast now I don’t know if I’m going or coming. How old am I?

APRIL 2015 47 GINGER : Seventy-eight. BRIE : Oh, monsieur, your birthday feast will be magnifique! And the COCO : And still going strong! beans? Can you keep zee secret?

RUFUS : Got that right. I come from RUFUS : Sure. Got plenty of my own. hardy stock. Pa lived ’til he was 95, and, well, you know Ma. She’s off on BRIE : If you put bean seeds in the cor - another one of her adventure tours ski - ner of the room, you scare away evil. ing in Argentina. RUFUS : Cheaper than an insurance GINGER : Can’t keep a good woman down. policy, I guess. Give me a handful. (RUFUS takes beans, moves down RUFUS : She makes me feel like a spring right and places a few on the floor as chicken! ( RUFUS laughs, then exits left. ) GINGER and COCO enter left. )

GINGER : Hardy stock! GINGER : Uncle Rufus!

COCO : Not for long! ( COCO waves little COCO : What are you doing? packet as the curtain falls. ) * * * RUFUS : Just adding a bit of homeland SCENE 2 security. TIME : That evening. GINGER : Well, come on into the parlor. SETTING : The same. Plates and silver - ware for six are on table, along with COCO : Your guests are here. two salt and pepper sets. RUFUS : They’re your boyfriends. If you AT RISE : BRIE enters carrying candle - had any sense you’d ask ’em to marry sticks, which she places on table. She you and go move into a house of your looks around furtively, then moves up own. right. She pulls bean seeds from her pocket and sprinkles them on the floor. GINGER : And leave you? She moves up left and is doing the same thing when RUFUS enters left COCO : Never! holding the cat. She doesn’t see him at first, and he watches her. RUFUS : That’s what I’m afraid of.

RUFUS : They’d grow a lot better if you GINGER : Now, come on. ( GINGER planted them in the garden. takes RUFUS’s arm .) You have to be sociable. It’s your birthday! BRIE : Oh! Oh, you must be Monsieur Wellington. I am Brie Poulet, the RUFUS : I thought on my birthday I caterer’s assistant. And who is this? could do anything I wanted. ( GINGER and COCO lead RUFUS off left. ) RUFUS : My favorite girl, MewMew. BRIE : Hm-m. . .why do I get the feeling BRIE : Bonjour, MewMew. Such a pretty something’s wrong here? Very wrong! girl. (PIERRE enters right, nervously carry - ing a bread basket. ) RUFUS : I hope you cook better than you garden. PIERRE : Trish. You know how I’m sup - posed to make a cassoulet de canard?

48 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com BRIE : I know it’s a stretch, Mickey, lowed by TYLER, then RUFUS without but— the cat and OLIVE. )

PIERRE : I just found out “canard” MAX : Love this place, Gingy, honey. means “duck.” I thought it meant tuna Feels like home! so I made a tuna noodle casserole. You think they’ll know the difference? TYLER : Yeah, plenty of room for every - body to kick back and chill out. BRIE : Mickey, how could you? RUFUS : We’ll leave chilling out to a bot - PIERRE : At least the bread’s O.K. tle of fine white wine. (BRIE opens napkin to look at bread. She gasps .) What’s wrong? GINGER : Oh, Uncle Rufus, you haven’t lost your sense of humor! BRIE : There’s an air hole in the middle! OLIVE : Why should he? Seventy-eight’s PIERRE : That happens. the new forty.

BRIE : Mickey, it means somebody’s MAX : You could have fooled me! ( GIN - going to die! ( COCO enters right. ) GER kicks MAX .) Hey!

COCO : Did I hear someone say some - COCO : Don’t go insulting Uncle Rufus one’s going to die? or you’ll be thrown out without your supper. BRIE : Oh, no, no, no! Pierre was telling me how he must add the final touches GINGER : And it’s going to be un repas to the ratatouille and hopes it will turn magnifique! out fine. I told him, forge ahead! Zee die is cast! TYLER : A what?

PIERRE (Nervously ): You can say that OLIVE : Oh, Ginger’s just showing off again. her sophomore French. Magnificent meal. COCO : The table looks fine. But. . .but what’s that smell? COCO : Escargot, cassoulet de canard, ratatouille. PIERRE (Horrified ): The mousse! ( He races off right .) RUFUS : Shucks! It’s my birthday, why couldn’t I have what I wanted? BRIE : Pierre! ( She follows him off .) GINGER : You always loved the French COCO : If I’d contacted Idiots Anonymous food Vivien whipped up for you. I couldn’t have found two bigger fools. (COCO now looks about to make sure RUFUS : ’Cause I loved Vivien. I couldn’t she’s not being watched. She opens salt stand the food. shaker, then sprinkles powder from the packet into it. She closes salt shaker and MAX : Who was Vivien? shakes it a bit .) This meal’s going to be to die for, Uncle Rufus. Just to die for! COCO : Our aunt, Rufus’s wife. (She places salt and pepper shakers directly in front of seat at far left head of RUFUS (Wistfully ): Of fifty years. table. GINGER leads MAX on left, fol -

APRIL 2015 49 OLIVE : A very charming lady she was. bad luck to cut a banana. Break it.

TYLER : Say, who’s that old codger OLIVE : I guess I’m not the only old fool there? ( He points to portrait .) here.

MAX : Sure looks like one mean old TYLER : And she’s not even old. ( MAX cuss! ( GINGER kicks him. ) Hey! You’re sets knife down, but it falls to floor .) making me black and blue! GINGER : Klutz! GINGER : That’s Uncle Rufus’s grandfa - ther. BRIE : That means a man is coming to visit. ( PIERRE enters carrying a cov - COCO : Winchester Wellington. ered dish. ) S’il vous plait, sit down, please, sit down. ( COCO moves to left OLIVE : He founded the family business, head of table. ) Wellington Restaurant Supply. COCO : Sit here, Uncle Rufus. MAX : So that’s how you racked up all the coins. ( GINGER goes to kick MAX, RUFUS : I want to sit by Olive. but he moves. ) You missed! COCO : But you always sit here. RUFUS : Oh, don’t keep kicking him. He’s not going to learn. And, yes, the RUFUS : Quit ordering me around like a family fortune was made in restaurant two-year-old, Coco. First I can’t bring supplies. MewMew into dinner. Now I can’t sit where I want! TYLER (Picking up a fork ): Who would have thought you could make a pile of OLIVE : Oh, Rufus, I’ll sit right next to money with a fork. ( He sets fork down, you, O.K.? ( RUFUS, grumbling, takes but it falls to the floor. ) seat at left head. OLIVE sits to his right. Others take remaining seats. ) OLIVE : Uh-oh! That means a woman’s going to visit. BRIE : This is Chef Pierre Gougere, and for the first course we have escargot. COCO : You and your old superstitions! (PIERRE places dish on table in front of COCO and GINGER. With a flour - RUFUS : Can’t be too careful. ish he removes the cover .)

TYLER : Nothing wrong with a woman PIERRE : Voilà! ( COCO and GINGER visiting, anyway. ( BRIE enters carry - scream and jump up. ) ing a bowl of fruit with at least one real banana and a foam orange .) COCO : What are those?

MAX : Especially if she’s got something PIERRE : Snails! to eat. ( He plucks banana off top .) GINGER : They’re alive! GINGER : Max! PIERRE (Horrified ): You want me to kill MAX : I’m starving! ( He picks up knife. them? To GINGER ) Want half? COCO : Well, yes! And serve them in BRIE : Pardon, monsieur, but it brings butter and garlic.

50 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PIERRE : Yuck! GINGER : You’d better get used to it.

RUFUS : I agree. Poor little fellows, out TYLER : What do you mean? in the garden minding their own busi - ness and they end up in a soup pot. GINGER : Well, if you and Coco get engaged or something. MAX : We’re supposed to eat those things? RUFUS : Do that and she’ll tell you all this will be yours. ( He indicates room. ) TYLER : I think I’m going to be sick. (TYLER runs off left. ) COCO : Uncle Rufus! How can you say something like that? BRIE : Maybe you’d better bring out the second course, Pierre. ( A bang off right RUFUS : You can’t tell me you haven’t followed by the sound of a couple of pot thought of it. lids hitting the floor ) GINGER : Well, we’re all the family you GINGER : What’s that? have left.

RUFUS : Probably the second course! OLIVE : And what do you call MewMew?

COCO (Grabbing foam orange from COCO : A cat! ( PIERRE and BRIE enter fruit bowl; to PIERRE ): Go get the right carrying covered dishes, which food, you idiot! ( She hurls orange at his they set on table ) back as he runs off right. ) BRIE : And now, for the pièce de résis - BRIE : Don’t do that! tance. ( They remove covers .)

GINGER : He’s ruining everything! PIERRE : Chef’s Surprise! ( COCO and GINGER are horrified. ) BRIE : You throw the orange at him, he falls in love with you! COCO : Hot dogs?

OLIVE : I’ve never heard that one before. GINGER : And chips? Pass me another orange. MAX : Now you’re talking! RUFUS : Why, Olive! I didn’t know you cared! TYLER : Dig in!

COCO (To BRIE ): Go in there and tell RUFUS : Pass me one of those, Olive. that second-rate chef to get dinner in here, pronto! And take these things OLIVE : How about two to start with? with you! ( She thrusts covered dish at BRIE .) COCO : Those are bad for you.

BRIE : Oui, madame! ( BRIE runs off GINGER : Think of your heart! right as TYLER enters left .) RUFUS : Good old comfort food does OLIVE : Feeling better, Mr. Potts? more good than any pill, girls. ( OLIVE gives him a couple of hot dogs and some TYLER : I guess fancy cooking isn’t my chips .) thing.

APRIL 2015 51 PIERRE : Zee cassoulet de canard, she TYLER (Ominously ): It’s just salt, isn’t blew up to zee ceiling! it, Coco?

BRIE : Abominable! ( RUFUS picks up GINGER : What else would it be? salt, shakes, but nothing comes out. ) PIERRE (As himself ): What’s going on? COCO : What’s wrong, Uncle Rufus? Trish?

RUFUS : Nothing’s coming out of the OLIVE : Trish? Who’s Trish? ( As TYLER salt shaker. scoops a bit of salt into envelope )

GINGER : You really shouldn’t use so BRIE : I am. And this is Mickey Binns, much salt. my better half.

COCO : Think what it’s doing to your GINGER : You’re not French? heart. ( BRIE takes shaker from him. ) BRIE : Sorry. Brooklyn born and bred. BRIE : I can fix this. MAX (Sniffing the salt ): Seems like you COCO : No! ( BRIE removes top, blows just saved Mr. Wellington’s life. into it, then returns top .) GINGER : Max, what are you saying? BRIE : Ooops! Spilled a bit of salt. RUFUS : About time you knew, Ginger. OLIVE : That’s very bad luck. These two boyfriends of yours are pri - vate detectives. BRIE : Unless I throw some over my shoulder. COCO and GINGER (Ad lib ): What? I don’t understand. What are you talk - COCO : Don’t you dare! ing about? ( Etc .)

BRIE : Just a pinch. ( BRIE shakes salt TYLER : Sorry we had to lead you on. shaker over her shoulder. Because she hasn’t tightened the cover, the top falls OLIVE : But poor Rufus suspected some - off and all the salt dumps out. COCO thing was wrong when he found that jumps up. ) article about people falling from high places and you’d circled the Empire COCO : You fool! State Building and Grand Canyon, Ginger. GINGER : You’ve ruined everything! GINGER : It was all Coco’s idea! MAX : What’re you talking about? COCO : How dare you! TYLER : Yeah, no sense crying over spilt salt. MAX : I think the cops are going to want to talk to you two. MAX (Moving to spilled salt ): Maybe we ought to take a sample of this salt. COCO : You’ll have to catch us first! (COCO races off down left. ) BRIE (As herself ): Why? What’s wrong? GINGER (Kicking MAX ): Yeah! ( She COCO : No! Get away from that! runs off left .)

52 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com TYLER : Thanks for dinner, Mr. RUFUS (Indicating PIERRE and Wellington. BRIE ): And here they are. ( RUFUS signs will, then addresses BRIE. ) If you MAX (Grabbing a hot dog ): Great would be so good, my dear? In case party. We’ll be in touch! you’re wondering, everything’s going to the Humane Society and this house to RUFUS : No rush. I hid the keys to their the Historical Society. I want everyone cars. ( MAX and TYLER run off left. ) to enjoy it. ( BRIE signs paper .)

PIERRE : What just happened? BRIE : That’s very generous of you, Mr. Wellington. RUFUS : My nieces’ greed just got the better of them. Sit down, have a hot RUFUS : And now you, Mickey. ( PIERRE dog. signs .)

BRIE : We’re sorry we deceived you all, OLIVE (Taking the paper ): But we won’t but we really, really needed this job. worry about this for a very long, long time, Rufus. You’re here to stay! OLIVE : You were very entertaining. RUFUS : Tea leaves tell you that, Olive? RUFUS : And you’ll be well paid if you do one more thing. BRIE : No, but your hot dog’s bigger than the bun. That’s a sign of a long, PIERRE : Anything, sir. You name it. long life.

RUFUS : Olive, you have that new will? PIERRE : That’s a new one on me.

OLIVE : I do—right here. ( She pulls RUFUS : Sh-h-h-h! At my age, I want all paper from her briefcase .) I had an extra the good luck I can get! ( Curtain falls copy, figuring Coco or Ginger would as he bites into his hot dog ) grab the one on top and destroy it. Now, THE END we need two witnesses. . .

PRODUCTION NOTES Chef’s Surprise

CHARACTERS : 4 male, 4 female. covered dish holding bag of chips and PLAYING TIME : 25 minutes. hot dogs. COSTUMES : Modern everyday dress. SETTING : The dining room of Wellington Brie and Pierre wear white chef’s hats Manor. A cloth-covered banquet table is and aprons. center. Six chairs are set at the table, PROPERTIES : Paper bag full of food; box two at ends, four facing audience. In of cooking utensils; box with label show - Scene 2, table is set with plates, silver - ing a knife; vase of flowers; menu on ware, napkins, two salt and pepper piece of paper; briefcase with papers sets. A portrait or two of grim old inside; small packet that looks like it Wellington ancestors decorate the holds sugar; eyeglasses; stuffed or real upstage wall. cat; two candlesticks; dried beans; bowl LIGHTING : No special effects. of fruit holding at least one real banana SOUND : Doorbell; bang offstage fol - and a foam orange; covered, deep dish lowed by pot lids falling to floor. (it’s not necessary to see what’s inside);

APRIL 2015 53 Middle Grades Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Melodrama at Mayfair Meadows Singing melodrama for a large cast, with fair maidens, an oncoming train, an evil villain, and an audience vote on who gets to be saved! . . . by Roberta Olsen Major

are shorter or may kneel, and are Characters dressed alternately in black or white to MILLIE, housemaid give the impression of piano keys; a stool is in front of piano. Two chorus FREDDY, footman members hold curtain rod with ruffled MARIGOLD MAYFAIR, wealthy curtains to give impression of bay win - dow up right. Other chorus members young lady represent various pieces of furniture, FLORIMOND FLOOTE, music mas - e.g. lamps, by standing with lampshade ter on head; chairs, by sitting on floor with throw pillows in lap; and potted plants, MADAME DIAMANTE GLITTERA - by squatting and holding greenery. TA, Marigold’s aunt QUARTET stands down right. Door, left, leads to rest of house. MIMOSA MEADOWS, Marigold’s country cousin AT RISE : MILLIE is dusting “furniture,” which occasionally sneezes, twitches, FLOYD BRIGHT, farm boy hero and coughs. FREDDY enters left. DUNSTON DARKSTORM, villain FREDDY QUARTET, singers : Millie! Dearest Millie! CHORUS, singing furniture MILLIE : Freddy! Faithful Freddy! DIRECTOR FREDDY : I had to see you, for though I am a lowly footman, my heart is yours. SCENE 1 TIME : Spring of yesteryear. MILLIE : And mine yours, faithful Freddy.

SETTING : Parlor at Mayfair Meadows. QUARTET (Singing to tune of “I’m a At center, two rows of chorus members Little Teapot ”): create “piano”: back row is standing and Millie is a housemaid, pure and sweet. dressed in black, members in front row That is her Freddy; he’s rather neat.

54 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Though they’ll work as servants all hand, then they tiptoe off left. After pause, their days, FLOYD BRIGHT appears at window .) They’ll be forever happy, because it pays. FLOYD : Pst! Mimosa! Mimosa Meadows! MADAME DIAMANTE (Calling offstage ): Frederick! Where is that lazy footman? MIMOSA (Entering; surprised ): Floyd Bright, whatever are you doing here? FREDDY (Sadly ): Duty calls. ( FREDDY exits. MILLIE resumes dusting. FLOYD : I followed you all the way from MARIGOLD MAYFAIR and FLORI - the country. I wanted to make sure you’d MOND FLOOTE enter left .) be happy here at Mayfair Meadows.

MARIGOLD (Gesturing ): This way, MIMOSA : Oh, Floyd, you’re so sweet. Master Floote. ( To MILLIE ) It is time for my music lesson, Millie. You may go. FLOYD (Shyly ): Shucks, Mimosa, I hope you know how I feel about you. MILLIE (With a little curtsy ): Yes, miss. (To audience ) Music is not all these two MIMOSA : I’ll be coming home soon, are playing at! ( She exits .) Floyd. Frills and finery don’t suit me. I miss my piglets and ducklings—and you. FLORIMOND (Ardently ): At last, my pre - cious, golden Marigold, we are alone. FLOYD (Bashfully ): Aw, shucks.

MARIGOLD : Oh, Florimond! How shall QUARTET (To tune of “Home on the we go on? You are but an impoverished Range ”): music intructor, and I, the orphaned Oh, give her a home, where the country heiress to millions. Aunt Diamante will folk roam, never consent to our betrothal! And the cows and the chickens all play. Where seldom is heard a discouraging FLORIMOND : I fear you are right, my word, Marigold. ( They sigh .) And she can see Floyd Bright all day.

MADAME (Offstage ): Why do I hear no FLOYD : I’m worried you’ll get lonely music coming from the library? here, Mimosa. These fancy folks aren’t what you’re used to. MARIGOLD : Oh, dear! Aunt Diamante! (Quickly sits at “piano” ) MIMOSA : But I have my sweet cousin Marigold to keep me company. FLORIMOND (In stage whisper ): Quickly, Marigold! Play! ( MARIGOLD “plays MADAME (Offstage, calling ): Mimosa, piano” by patting heads of front row of where are you? CHORUS members, who sing out notes of the scale accordingly .) MIMOSA : I must fly, dear Floyd, for Aunt Diamante Glitterata calls. ( She MADAME (Poking head in door ): Much waves, exits. FLOYD sighs. DUNSTON better! ( She exits. ) DARKSTORM creeps up behind him, taps him on shoulder .) MARIGOLD : I believe we are now in tune, Master Floote. ( Continues to play piano ) DUNSTON : Boo! ( FLOYD screams and faints. DUNSTON laughs evilly. ) I’m FLORIMOND : Indeed we are, Miss May- Dunston Darkstorm, and I’m bad! fair. ( She stops playing. He kisses her

APRIL 2015 55 QUARTET (To tune of “Old MacDonald ”): Weasel” ): Dunston Darkstorm was a rat! All around the furniture The villain chased sweet Millie. CHORUS and QUARTET (Together ): Eee! He thought it was great fun, until— Eee! Eee! Eee! Oh! ( As song continues, (MILLIE whacks him with duster. ) CHORUS members change from furni - Pop! She knocked him silly! ( DUN- ture to mime the following: Window STON staggers to MARIGOLD. QUAR - members link arms as two elderly people, TET sings to tune of “Someone’s in the one using curtain rod as cane; DARK - Kitchen with Dinah.” ) STORM kicks cane and they trip and Dunston’s in the parlor with Mari, stumble back to window position. Piano Dunston’s in the parlor, I know. members jump rope, which DARK - Dunston’s in the parlor with Mari— STORM interrupts, scaring them back (MARIGOLD stomps on DUNSTON’s into their piano position. Another CHO - toe. He grimaces in pain .) RUS member skips across stage as a And Marigold stomped on his toe! child from whom DARKSTORM steals (DUNSTON hops to MIMOSA, who steps candy; another might lose his glasses through window and hurries about, try - and DARKSTORM steps on them, etc .) ing to avoid him. QUARTET sings to tune of “The Farmer in the Dell.” ) QUARTET : And what a rat he really was! The villain’s in the house, The villain’s in the house, CHORUS and QUARTET (Together ): Look out, Mimosa dear, Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Oh! The villain’s in the house. The scoundrel grabs her hand, QUARTET : The scoundrel grabs her hand, With a bad deed here and a bad deed Look out, Mimosa dear, there! The scoundrel’s got your hand. Here a deed, there a deed, everywhere a (MIMOSA kicks DUNSTON in the leg bad deed! and exits. He limps to center. ) Dunston Darkstorm was a cad! DUNSTON : Thrice foiled! Thrice scorned! CHORUS and QUARTET (Together ): Nobody, but nobody, crosses Dunston Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee! Oh! ( DARKSTORM Darkstorm and gets away with it! silences them with threatening gesture. (Blackout; curtain ) MILLIE and MARIGOLD enter. MILLIE * * * dusts; MARIGOLD sits at piano. MIM- SCENE 2 OSA appears at window with flowers. ) TIME : Later that day.

MILLIE (Sighing ): Freddy! SETTING : Woods. Train track is center; several chorus members stand upstage MARIGOLD (Sighing ): Florimond! as trees, arms outstretched.

MIMOSA (Sighing ): Floyd! ( They sigh AT RISE : MILLIE, MARIGOLD, and again in unison. ) MIMOSA, hands tied behind their backs, are pushed on by DUNSTON. DUNSTON (To audience ): Revolting. Nothing sickens me more than true love. MILLIE (Accusingly ): I should never (Rubs hands together ) My dastardly work have believed you when you said you is cut out for me, I see. ( He follows MIL - had a message for me from Freddy! LIE about, pestering her as she dusts .) MARIGOLD (Indignantly ): And I should QUARTET (To the tune of “Pop Goes the never have listened when you told me

56 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Florimond was calling for me! cad! You villain! You evil-doer! ( Etc .)

MIMOSA (In disbelief ): I never dreamed DUNSTON (Gleefully ): I am a cad, aren’t I? you were lying when you said Floyd was waiting for me in the garden! FREDDY : Release my Millie right now, you wicked man! DUNSTON (Matter-of-factly ): Clever, aren’t I? FLORIMOND : Untie my Marigold at once, you vile villain! MILLIE : You’re bad! FLOYD : Let my Mimosa go, you swine! MARIGOLD : Despicable! DUNSTON : Not a chance. I’m having MIMOSA : Rotten to the core! entirely too much fun seeing all six of you suffer! Unfortunately, I must now DUNSTON : You were the ones sneaking be off to plan more dastardly deeds. out behind Madame Glitterata’s back! (Prodding FLOYD ) For a swine’s work (MILLIE, MARIGOLD, and MIMOSA is never done. ( To audience ) There are hang their heads .) And now, my trio of so many misguided people out there oh-so-modest maidens, you will learn trying to do good that I have to be alert just how foolish you have been. Heh, every minute. ( He exits. Train whistle heh, heh! ( Train whistle blows offstage. ) sounds louder offstage. )

MILLIE , MARIGOLD , MIMOSA (Aghast; MILLIE : Oh, Freddy! ad lib ): You can’t mean. . .Horrors! You wouldn’t dream of. . .Not even you. . . MARIGOLD : Florimond! (Together ) The railroad tracks?! MIMOSA : Floyd! DUNSTON : But of course, my dewy blos - soms. ( He ties them to train tracks. ) MILLIE, MARIGOLD , and MIMOSA : Save us before it’s too late! ( Heroes murmur QUARTET (Singing to the tune of “Down frantically to one another, as though by the Station” ): forming a plan. Train whistle blows Down by the train tracks louder. Then they lurch toward tracks, Near the Mayfair Meadows each trying to save his sweetheart .) See the lovely heroines all in a row. See the wicked villain QUARTET (To the tune of “Chattanooga Tie them tight with scout knots. Choo-Choo” ): Puff, puff, toot, toot Pardon them, boys, Away they’ll go. But it’s the 7 p.m. choo-choo! It’s heading this way, DUNSTON : And now for my most das - They’ll really hold you at bay. tardly deed yet! The three lovesick (Train of CHORUS members enters .) lotharios must stand by helplessly as their sweethearts—heh, heh, heh— MILLIE : Quick! There’s no time to save catch the next train out of town! ( He all three of us! runs off, then reenters, pulling FRED - DY, FLORIMOND, and FLOYD, tied MARIGOLD : Working together you can back-to-back .) rescue one of us!

FREDDY, FLORIMOND , and FLOYD MIMOSA : The other two of us must be (Seeing heroines, ad lib ): Horrors! You sacrificed!

APRIL 2015 57 FREDDY, FLOYD, FLORIMOND : No! No! A swains behind your back! thousand times no! MILLIE : Alas! Discovered! MILLIE, MARIGOLD , and MIMOSA : It’s the only way! MARIGOLD : Alack! Found out!

FREDDY : But Millie— MIMOSA : Ah, me! He’s spilled the beans!

FLORIMOND : But Marigold— MADAME (Aghast ): My girls were sneak - ing out to meet these three? A lowly foot - FLOYD : But Mimosa— man? An impoverished music instruc - tor? A—good gracious—farm boy? DIRECTOR (Entering; through mega- phone ): Cut! Look, fellows, we’re running MILLIE, MARIGOLD , and MIMOSA (Ad out of time! Just pick one and save her. lib ): Yes. It’s true. ( Etc .)

FREDDY, FLORIMOND , and FLOYD : We MADAME : Well! ( Pauses for long cannot! moment ) Why didn’t you just tell me? Silly girls, all I want is for you to be MILLIE, MARIGOLD , and MIMOSA : You happy! ( MILLIE, MARIGOLD, and must! MIMOSA hug MADAME, then run to their heroes and embrace them .) FREDDY, FLORIMOND , and FLOYD : But we won’t! DUNSTON : What? You want them to be—happy? How could you want such a DIRECTOR (Interrupting ): All right. If revolting thing? you can’t decide, then we’ll leave it to the audience. ( To audience ) Folks, could MADAME : Perhaps you would like to you vote by applause, please? Should wait on the tracks for the next train they save Millie the housemaid? ( Pause while you’re figuring it out. until applause dies down ) Marigold, the young lady from a good family? ( Pause ) DUNSTON (On his knees ): Have mercy, Mimosa, the country maiden? ( Pause ) Madame Glitterata! O.K. The votes are in. Get busy, guys. We’re on a tight schedule here. ( Exits. MADAME : I don’t know whether I Train moves closer, humming “Chatta- should. ( To audience ) What do you nooga Choo-Choo,” as heroes work to think? Vote by applause, please. Should rescue winning heroine. ) I show mercy? ( Pauses for applause ) Should I be as nasty as he is? ( Pauses MADAME (Entering, leading DUN - again ) Just as I thought. Thank you for STON by the ear ): What do you mean, your cooperation. We’ll see that it’s you’ve tied my girls to the track? ( She taken care of as soon as the curtain goes holds hand in front of train; in com - down. Meanwhile, there’s dusting to be manding tone ) Stop! ( Train stops .) done, Millie. And Marigold, I haven’t Untie my girls at once, you scoundrel! heard the piano in quite some time. (DUNSTON frees other two heroines. Mimosa, pick up that rope, would you, Heroes remain tied together. MADAME dear? ( MIMOSA gathers rope attached waves train on imperiously .) to heroes and they follow her behind MADAME .) Come along, boys. Don’t DUNSTON : But they scorned me. Thrice! dawdle. ( They exit. Curtain ) I never would have caught them if they THE END hadn’t been sneaking out to meet their (Production Notes on page 64 )

58 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Plays is protected by U.S. copyright law. Puppet Play (All Grades) Only current subscribers may use this play (www.playsmagazine.com).

Romeo the Toad and Juliet the Frog A clever version of one of the greatest love stories ever toad! For puppets or actors. . . by Roger Kise

From the eggs of these groups came Characters two pollywogs, FROG, narrator Romeo the toad and Juliet the frog. From this pair’s love comes the theme MERCURICOME of our play: “True love is blind”—at least, so they ROMEO say! TYREBALD So sit back, relax and enjoy our little show HOPALOT About the star-crossed love between a frog and a toad. ( FROG exits. ) JULIET * * * TIME NURSE : Long ago. FROG PRINCE SETTING : Backdrop showing banks of a pond, complete with cattails, ferns, logs, WARTAGUE etc. VARIOUS FROGS AT RISE : ROMEO and MERCURI - COME enter left. Both carry rapiers.

SCENE 1 MERCURICOME : Romeo, dear friend, it BEFORE RISE : FROG with a plumed hat seems that of late and a scroll enters right. Your spirits have been in a most trou- bled state. FROG (Reading ): What is this problem, this too heavy Two families of amphibians—one toad, load one frog— That is making my pal such an Lived by a pond in a wood by a bog. unhappy toad? Though “Live and let live” was what they proclaimed ROMEO : Sweet cousin, since tadpoles “Kill or be killed” ’twere a better name! have we two been true

APRIL 2015 59 I never could slip anything past you! Together we’ll go to this ball that’s a- ’Tis Trudy the toad’s got my mind in a bouncin’ twist And let Tyrebald beware lest he get a And it’s been that way ever since we trouncin’! ( ROMEO and MERCURI - first kissed. COME exit left .) * * * MERCURICOME : Then why all this pout- SCENE 2 ing, this hue and this cry TIME : Later that evening. Thou hast found a girlfriend—that’s better than I! SETTING : The ballroom of Hopalot. Once again, everything can be painted on a ROMEO : Alack and alas, alas and alack backdrop—chandeliers, toadstools and The love that I give her, she won’t give logs around the perimeter of the dance me back! floor; in fact, anything your imagination can come up with to set the stage for a MERCURICOME : Then go to the ball that frog’s elegant ballroom. tonight is occurrin’ Trudy will be there, of that I am certain. AT RISE : Pairs of frogs in colorful garb You can court her and woo her till the dance on and off the set. Then TYRE - rise of the sun BALD and HOPALOT enter left. . And I’m sure by that time, her heart will be won. TYREBALD : I tell you, Uncle, I can smell him from here; ROMEO : The ball that the Hopalots That vile Romeo and his toady are tonight are the host? near. If they see me there, I will be toast! Please let me search the hall till I’ve found ’em. MERCURICOME : Don’t worry about that, By the time I have finished into ham- don’t give it a care— burger I’ll have ground them! Though he is a frog, old Hopalot is fair. Under his roof you’ll be safe as a tad- HOPALOT : Nay, good nephew, that is pole forbidden You’ll meet with no accident, you’ll fall The hospitality of the Hopalots cannot down no manhole. be overridden While they are here, they are guests of ROMEO : It’s not the old frog who gives this palace me the shakes Neither of them shall be treated with It’s Tyrebald, his nephew, that makes malice. ( TYREBALD and HOPALOT my heart quake. exit right. JULIET and NURSE enter A meaner frog than he hath never been left. NURSE pushes a portable IV unit hatched that is hooked up to JULIET .) A more annoying itch hath never been scratched. JULIET : To Paris, a suitor, my parents If he sees me there, would me wed Sparks will appear— A frog twice my age!—I wish I were dead! And I’m afraid that I will be out- Why can’t mom and pop just leave me matched! alone? I’m still just a tadpole—c’mon, throw MERCURICOME : Then forget your cares, me a bone! I say once again (ROMEO enters right. He and JULIET Your wingman Mercuricome is to the spot one another and are both immedi - end. ately smitten. )

60 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Who is this hottie that just caught my I’ve always heard that frog tastes like eye? chicken! For him, methinks, I’d be willing to die. (ROMEO exits. MERCURICOME and Is it love that brings this faintness to me? TYREBALD fight. TYREBALD slays him .)

NURSE : Probably more likely an empty TYREBALD : Who’s next to feel the sting IV. ( JULIET faints and ROMEO rush - of my sword? es to catch her while NURSE changes You will regret it, I give you my word. the IV .) Come, Cousin Romeo, avenge your cohort JULIET : Thank you, kind sir, for prevent- Or is the worst you can do is give your ing my fall. foe warts? Most surely I fainted from the excite- (ROMEO enters, rapier now drawn .) ment of the ball. Just put me down and you can be on ROMEO : That’s an old wives’ tale, you your way green-skinned jerk. I’m sure you had better things planned I tried to be nice, but that didn’t work. for this day. So take that and that ( Stabs TYRE - BALD ) and another to boot ROMEO : Put you down I shall, if such is Now let me hear you your own horn your wish toot! But leave you I won’t without first a kiss. TYREBALD : You’ve stabbed me and The plans that I had are destroyed by slayed me all fair and square. love’s fire I give you my hand—here, pal, put ’er Serving you now is my only desire. there. (TYREBALD enters right, rapier drawn .) Just one last request, you big lug, you— Do you happen to have any Compound W? TYREBALD : Unhand my cousin, you ven- (TYREBALD dies. HOPALOT, WAR- omous Toad! TAGUE, FROG PRINCE enter right .) Beat it, get lost, vamoose, hit the road! Else you will get the full measure of my FROG PRINCE : Enough of this feud, wrath enough of this fight! And I kid you not, it will be a bloodbath! When will you families learn to play nice? (ROMEO releases JULIET and she What will it take to pacify you boys? and NURSE exit left. ) Who do you think you are—the Hat- fields and McCoys? ROMEO : Kinsmen we are, at least that’s how I see WARTAGUE : They started it! Since any cousin to her is a cousin to me. Any trouble between us can soon be HOPALOT : No, they did. mended Come, cousin dear, let us be friended. FROG PRINCE : I don’t really care. (MERCURICOME enters left, rapier Romeo is banished. drawn .) WARTAGUE : Hey, that’s not fair! MERCURICOME : Fie, Romeo, fie, where is your courage? FROG PRINCE : Fair or not, it’s the way Make friends with a Hopalot? That things will stand. were an outrage. Maybe now we’ll have some peace in If you won’t do it, I’ll give him his our land! ( Curtain ) lickin’. * * *

APRIL 2015 61 SCENE 3 Besides which it happens that Nurse TIME : Still later that evening. isn’t here! ( JULIET exits from bal - cony and enters left. ) SETTING : Juliet’s balcony. A full moon is painted on backdrop. Ivy-covered bal - ROMEO : Darling frog! cony is left. There is shrubbery down right behind which ROMEO is hiding. JULIET : Precious toad! ( They kiss and JULIET goes limp in his arms. ) AT RISE : The stage is empty for a moment and then ROMEO comes out ROMEO (Shaking her ): Darling, what’s from behind bushes. His hat is gone and wrong? ( To audience ) I think that he is now wearing a fake beard and car - she’s dead! rying a suitcase. That’s right! Toads are poisonous!— ain’t that a kick in the head! ROMEO (Toward balcony ): PSST! ( Waits The fact that I’m toxic, I’d totally for- for answer, then again ) PSST! ( Getting gotten. no answer, ROMEO looks around, picks Now look what I’ve done, boy, do I feel up a stone and hurls it toward the win - rotten! dow. Sound of coconut being hit ) (Melodramatically ) There’s only one way to make things right. JULIET (Offstage ): Owww! The window’s Kiss MYSELF-and put out the light! open, Einstein! ( JULIET enters on bal - (ROMEO throws his arms about him - cony, without the IV .) Oh, it’s you! self and pantomimes giving himself a big kiss, after which he falls down dead. ROMEO : Who else would it be? NURSE enters right, looks down at ROMEO and JULIET, then looks up at JULIET (Quickly ): Oh, no one, no one, I audience and shakes her head slowly. just couldn’t see! Curtain. FROG from beginning enters So. . .I hear that you went and got your- left, in front of curtain .) self banished. FROG (Reading ): Now has our play ROMEO : That’s true. That’s why I came come to its end here before I vanished. And we sincerely pray that it none did To get something from you to remember offend. you, miss. To give you a smile was its only intent And never was anything more serious JULIET : You mean a lock of my hair? meant. Still, for those who would scoff and say ROMEO : I was thinking a kiss. it bad To make fun of the Bard, just let us add JULIET : Hm-m. . .Nurse always said that That when it comes to tragedy, Old Will I should beware, can’t compare That naughty toads seeking kisses were To the play just presented, though less everywhere. somber fare Forget all the silly rhymes, forget the ROMEO : Your nurse is being silly to put tired jokes— up such a fuss At the end of our play, EVERYBODY Over something as innocent as a friend- croaks! ( FROG exits .) ly little buss! THE END (Production Notes on next page ) JULIET : Maybe you’re right—what is there to fear?

62 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PRODUCTION NOTES Romeo the Toad and Juliet the Frog (Play on pages 59-62 )

NUMBER OF PUPPETS : 9 hand puppets pets may be clad as the Director sees fit. and 4 to 6 rod puppets for the dancers at PROPERTIES : Scroll; rapiers; portable IV the ball. stand and bottle; fake beard and suit - DESCRIPTION OF PUPPETS : The toads case. (Romeo, Mercuricome and Wartague) are SETTING : Scene 1, pond with cattails, all brown-colored; the frogs (Tyrebald, logs, toadstools and other vegetation in Hopalot, Juliet, Nurse, Frog Prince, background. Scene 2, ballroom of the Narrator Frog and rod puppets) are all Hopalots in background with chandelier, green. Romeo, Mercuricome and Tyre- toadstools, logs for sitting and other bald wear plumed hats; Hopalot and greenery. Scene 3, Juliet’s ivy-covered Wartague both wear fur-collared cloaks, balcony center left and shrubbery center doublets, medallions and Henry the right. A night sky with a big full moon in Eighth-style hats, the only thing which the background. distinguishes them being their colors. LIGHTING : No special effects. Juliet wears a hennin, a conical hat with SOUND : Coconut being struck. a shoulder-length veil; the Nurse wears NOTE : Play may be performed by real nurse’s cap with a big red cross on it; actors, or performed as a read-aloud play Narrator Frog wears a plumed hat; the in the classroom. Frog Prince wears a crown; the rod pup -

PRODUCTION NOTES The Merchant of Venice (Play on pages 17-28 )

CHARACTERS : 13 male and female. example, benches can be used to great PLAYING TIME : 30 minutes. advantage to indicate both Portia’s COSTUMES : Elizabethan, if desired, or room in Belmont and the courtroom. simple modern dress. When Portia Properties referenced in the play: and Nerissa pretend to be lawyer’s three caskets (large decorated boxes; clerk and doctor of laws, they may alternatively, the princes may simply simply add black robes, hats, and mime the actions of selecting between white ruffs, or other accoutrements to and opening the caskets); letters; denote their change in status. rings. PROPERTIES and SETTING : Play may be LIGHTING : No special effects. staged very simply, with bare stage SOUND : Flourish of cornets. and minimal props and sets. For

APRIL 2015 63 PRODUCTION NOTES The Haunting of Hathaway House (Play on pages 2-12 ) CHARACTERS : 4 male; 7 female; 3 male window. Room is furnished with old- andor female for police officers, narra - fashioned sofa and chairs, coffee table tor. and end tables, etc. There is china clos - PLAYING TIME : 30 minutes. et up right. In Scene 1, telephone is on COSTUMES : Victor and Laura wear end table near sofa. In Scene 2, paint - modern, everyday clothes; later Laura ing resembling girl playing Cynthia puts on raincoat. Aunt Elizabeth wears hangs on wall near French window. old-fashioned dress, black shawl. Desk and chair are down right. There Scene 2: Brent, business suit. Miss is bowl of flowers on desk. In Scene 3, Phipps, simple dress. Cynthia, long dining room table and three chairs are gown, like the one in the painting, in down center; two other chairs are up late nineteenth-century style. Scene 3: beside French window. Dark paneling Modern dress. All wear wet raincoats or paint and somber furnishings give when they enter, and carry umbrellas. the room a gloomy atmosphere. Felton and Thorne, uniforms. LIGHTING : Lightning, as indicated; dim PROPERTIES : Tea tray, teacup, brief - lighting in Scene 3 until full stage case containing pad and pencil, bag lights come up, as indicated in text. full of groceries. SOUND : Ringing of telephone, chiming SETTING : Drawing room of Hathaway of clock, thunder, squeaking and slam - House. Large French window is up ming of door, heavy thud, filtered voic - center; other doorways are left and es, as indicated in text. right. In Scene 1, drapes cover French

PRODUCTION NOTES Melodrama at Mayfair Meadows (Play on pages 54-58 ) CHARACTERS : 4 female; 4 male; male or Quartet, matching outfits; Chorus female for Director, Quartet, and members, neutral clothing, except for Chorus. piano members, who wear black and PLAYING TIME : 25 minutes. white. COSTUMES : Victorian dress. Millie PROPERTIES : Feather duster for Millie; wears black dress with white apron bouquet of flowers for Mimosa; four and cap; Freddie, knickers and jacket; ropes; megaphone for Director. Mimosa and Floyd, country clothing SETTING : Scene 1, the parlor of Mayfair and straw hats; Marigold and Madame Meadows, with door left. Scene 2, Diamante, elegant dresses (Madame woods, with train tracks center. Diamante also wears glittery jewelry); LIGHTING : Blackout between Scene 1 Flori-mond, slightly tattered suit; and 2, as indicated. Dunston, black cape and top hat; SOUND : Train whistle, as indicated.

64 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Book Collections of Plays and Programs for Young People

All Grades THE VERY BEST CHRISTMAS PLAYS FOR KIDS Elizabeth Preston $24.95 PLAYS OF BLACK AMERICANS Elizabeth Preston $18.95 PLAYS OF GREAT ACHIEVERS Sylvia E. Kamerman $19.95 THE BIG BOOK OF LARGE-CAST PLAYS Sylvia E. Kamerman $18.95

Upper and Middle Grades AWESOME PLAYS FOR TEENS & TWEENS Christina Hamlett $19.95 LIVELY PLAYS FOR YOUNG ACTORS Christina Hamlett $17.95 STAGE PLAYS FROM THE CLASSICS Joellen Bland $19.95

To order using Mastercard or Visa — 800 630-5755 or www.playsmagazine.com Fax purchase orders to 617-630-9101 By mail: Send check to PLAYS, 897 Washington St. #600160, Newton, MA 02460.

All prices include shipping and handling to U.S. addresses. Canada add $5.00 to above rates; other foreign add $10.00. Payable in U.S. funds; check must be drawn on a U.S. bank.

To subscribe to Plays . . .see page 38. AWESOME PLAYS FOR TEENS & T WEENS by Christina Hamlett A wonderful collection from this sophisticated writer, a master of clever repartee, snappy one-liners, and thoughtful resolutions that will appeal to even the most most demanding teen or tween! Here are a few of the colorful characters you’ll meet: N Anna, who learns important lessons about being true to herself and accepting the differences in others (A School for Princesses ) N Eric, a young man with questionable pedigree who invites his fianceé home to meet a bloodthirsty relative (Genus de Milo ) N Sandi and Danny, who pen love stories for conceited Hollywood stars—and in the process find each other ( Cyrano de Cinema ) N Stanley, a supermarket bagger whose luck may be looking up ( Reversal of Fortune ) These and the eleven other plays in Awesome Plays for Teens & Tweens will entertain and challenge the bright, talented teens of today, encouraging them to spread their wings and make the most of their talents—audiences will be delighted with the results! $19.95 paperback

PLAYS • 897 Washington St. #600160 • Newton, MA 02460 (800) 630-5755 • (617) 630-9100 • FAX (617) 630-9101 www.playsmagazine.com (See inside back cover for ordering details .)