BLUEPRINTS FOR A SPARKLING TOMORROW BLUEPRINTS FOR A SPARKLING TOMORROW Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream (revised and expanded edition) By NATHAN J. ROBINSON and OREN NIMNI to the veldt and all those who have expended their energies in attempting to save her Sycophantic Palms Press Boston – Seattle – St. Louis Copyright © 1965, 2010, 2015 by Oren Nimni and Nathan J. Robinson All rights reserved Distributed in Canada by Nimni & Associates Printed in the United States of America First edition published in 2010 by Borometric Language Press Library of Congress Catalog-in-Publication Data Nimni, Oren and Nathan J. Robinson Blueprints for a sparkling tomorrow: thoughts on reclaiming the Armenian dream / Oren Nimni and Nathan J. Robinson 2 rev. and expanded ed. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN-13: 9780692479810 ISBN-10: 0692479813 1. Diffusion of innovations. 2. Information society. 3. Globalization –Economic aspects. 4. Globalization – Social aspects. 1. Title. HM846.F74 2010 303.48’33-dc22 TABLE OF CONTENTS (sparse) Preface xvii Introduction xxi I. Elegies 6 II. Incompossibilities 24 III. Orthodoxies 56 IV. Growths 174 The End 245 TABLE OF CONTENTS (well-fleshed) CONTAINED WITHIN: Preface.....................................................................................xvii The Vindication of Various Horse-Based Theories xvii A Note on the Revision xviii Intentions xix Introduction .............................................................................xxi The Dynamic Nature of the Blueprints xxii What You Will Be Able To Do After Reading The Blueprints Twice Daily For A Fortnight xxii Themes of this Work xxiii A Word on Guarantees xxv I. ELEGIES........................................................1 (that which once existed, as it ought to have, but does no longer) A. Structure and Infrastructure...................................................5 Attractive Things Well-Built 5 Pyramids, Etc. 7 Grand Illusions 8 Tailfins and Microbeauty 9 B. Society, Culture, and Animals...............................................10 Lack of Horses 10 A Hearty Weltanschauung 11 The Exploratory Impulse 12 CONTENTS x Commitment to a Thing 13 Uniforms Without Uniformity 15 Gentlemanism and Flâneurship 16 The Forcible Imposition of Values on One Another 17 Rather Good Books 19 C. Political Arrangements.........................................................21 Europe 21 A Fascism of Neighbours 22 Neighbourliness 23 Utopians and Utopianists 25 Infinite Possibility 26 Towards a Gradualist Formalism 28 Against a Formalist Gradualism 29 II. INCOMPOSSIBILITIES................................31 (that which currently exists, but ought not to) A. Structure and Infrastructure.................................................36 Institutional Stagnation 36 Compartmentalization of Social Activities 37 The Office As Distinct From The Playfield 38 On Prioritizing the Center Over the Periphery 40 On Failures to Consider the Periphery 41 The Stoplight and Its Discontents 41 Totalitarian Architecture 43 Rèal Estate 43 B. Society, Culture, and Animals..............................................48 Capitalism 48 God 51 Slavoj Žižek: Academic Charlatan 53 Away With The Interesting 56 The Psychology of Modern Leftism 57 Orwell’s Nightmare 60 Horse-Centrism and the Decline of Values 61 Condemning the Arts to the Fire 63 CONTENTS xi C. Political Arrangements.........................................................65 Expanding the Realm of the Political 65 Judges and the Mass Production of Miniature Gavels 66 Cakes and the Obsolescence of Law 67 The Legal Mind 68 Tacitly Consenting To Tacit Consent 69 Death to Socrates 71 If Every Dollar Is A Vote Then I Am A Serf 72 When Everyone is a King, Everyone is Still a King 74 Responsible Monarchy 75 Blues and the Bureaucracy 77 Other Bureaucratic Molassesses 78 Probably Actually The State Itself 80 III. ORTHODOXIES........................................81 (that which currently exists, as well it ought to) A. Structure and Infrastructure.................................................84 Reviving the Unit While Disposing of the Unitary 84 The Front Porch 85 The Parade As Centering Device 86 The Parking Garage as Latter-Day Birth Canal 87 The Poet as Architect 88 The Architect as Poet 89 B. Society, Culture, and Animals..............................................90 Harnessing the Power of the Sciences 90 Cures for Diseases 92 The Robot Butler 94 Time Measurements as Industrial Conspiracy 95 Mechanization of the Dance 96 The Twist 98 Music More Generally 99 Modern Revolutions 101 Contemplate the Tweezers 103 On The Supposed Right to Rebel Because of Noble Concerns 104 CONTENTS xii A Religious Temperament 105 Never Letting Atheism Come in the Way of a Good Party 106 Honesty 106 Saying What You Mean 107 Terminological Distinctions 109 Hermeneutics 110 The Necktie as Serpent 110 The Serpent as Necktie 111 Owl Pellets and Democracy 112 C. Political Arrangements........................................................114 The Conservative Disposition 114 The Socialist Beach 116 Evolution 117 In Praise of Dubious Economics 118 That Which Cannot be Quantified 119 IV. GROWTHS................................................121 (that which does not yet exist, but must and will) A. Structure and Infrastructure................................................124 Building a Mountain 124 Left-Wing Airlines 126 Simple Improvements to the Modern-Day Motorcar 128 Bringing Geodesic Structures Into Common Use 132 The Habitable Capsule 134 New and Better Housing Units 135 Urban Planning and You 140 Lazy Rivers from Here to There 142 Much Smaller Buildings 145 Yet Nonreligious Cathedralism 146 The Reintroduction of Public Baths 147 There Is No Shame In Ritual (Excepting for Ritual Shaming) 148 International Renaissance Faire 149 Permanently Disposing of Sporting Events 149 CONTENTS xiii B. Society, Culture, and Animals..............................................151 Education, Part I: Giving Newborns Pipes 152 Education, Part II: On the Madness of Learning 154 Education, Part III: Introducing the Lasso 155 Education, Part IV: Fact About the Galápagos 157 Education, Part V: Improving the University Without Euthanization Silos 158 Education, Part VI: The PTA But With Guns 161 What to Do With the Elderly 162 What Dating Should Look Like 163 Fornication and the New American Century 165 Men & Women 166 If Birds Had Facebooks... 167 Kittenous Ubiquity 168 The Buick and the Rhubarb Patch 170 What Shape a Bagel Should Be 171 The Hunk of Butter 173 Finish Your Drink as they Drag You Away 174 The Fisherman-Taxidermist 175 Dantleyism 177 Untying Your Shoes Without Gouging Out Your Eyes 179 Truth in Dentistry 180 C. Political Arrangements.......................................................181 Undermining the Label Industry 181 Finding The Orifice From Which Power Flows 183 Decentralizationism 184 The Randomly Selected Congress 186 The Forest Congress 186 The Nonexistent Congress 187 What the Police Should Do 188 Comfortable Penal Conditions 190 Or Perhaps No Penal Conditions Whatsoever 191 Worker Ownership 192 Tiny Landlords You Can Squash 194 Reclaiming the American Dream 196 CONTENTS xiv THE END.....................................................196 Sketching A Blueprint With Wobbly Hand 200 Conclusion 204 What Is Progress? When Is Tomorrow? 207 EPILOGUE.....................................................211 APPENDICES.................................................213 Appendix A: The Thirty-Three Aphorisms and their Effect on Living 215 Appendix B: Some Replies to Critics 217 Appendix C: Five Lectures 222 Address to the Assembled 223 The “Problem” of the Beard 225 Annexing Utopia Through Hostile Takeover 227 On Carnivorous Plants 231 Relentless _______ & the Law 233 Appendix D: Ephemera 236 An Interview 237 Advertisement: Tomorrow’s Oven, Today 243 Introduction to Canceled Omnibus 244 Inner Flap from First Hardcover Edition 245 Bonus Supplement: Rear Cover Text 246 Acknowledgments 247 About the Authors 249 Bibliography 251 Index 256 This Table of Contents is purely aspirational. BLUEPRINTS FOR A SPARKLING TOMORROW By NATHAN J. ROBINSON and OREN NIMNI Thus then intelligence, or in other words plain unsophisticated reason, will consider the various sentiments and actions which now create misery in soci- ety, will patiently trace the cause whence those sentiments and actions proceed, and immediately apply the proper remedies to remove them. - Robert Owen, A New View of Society, 1816. Preface THE VINDICATION OF VARIOUS HORSE-BASED THEORIES & A NOTE ON THE REVISED TEXT everal years ago we condemned the horse. In fact, our work up until this point has been littered with references to horses and Shorsing.1 By contrast with certain discreditable academics from certain former Soviet satellite states, we have never been fooled by the horse’s wistful eyes and sympathetic grin. We have built forests-worth of CV-pages on horse-based articles and public presentations, and denounced horses from every podium to which we have ever been invited or from which we have been removed. Yet still, the horse persists. People ride horses, people videotape themselves being coddled by horses, people intentionally purchase sugar- cubes from supermarkets and go ahead and hand them to horses. None of this would have happened had our scholarly work been given its due, and we must reluctantly concede that the continuance of this behavior suggests our journal articles are not being read. Horses, it seems, are here to stay. But though we have come to accept the inevitable