FREE 16/11/00 Issue no: 994

Your Student Surrey Shout Council Pride Reef Interview p3 p6 p20 p9 USSUShuts Down The University of Sussex stu-Tuesday. Although the budget was dent’s union is now back up andpassed at the new meeting, it is running as usual after spendingbelieved that a quorate was reached a week and a half being tem-this time. The sabbaticals were said to porarily disbanded resultingbe ‘very relieved’ at the outcome of the from having failed to reach aEGM, which lasted over three hours quorate at its annual generaland ended a ‘hectic time’ for the team. meeting. The turn-out at the The Sussex EGM came on the AGM was below the minimumsame day as our very own Student required level of student atten-Council meeting in the union, the dance (quorate), which meantdetails of which can be found inside the that the budget for the yearpaper, but did serve as a timely could not be voted through,reminder of the possible consequences leading to no union activities ofof low turn-outs. Our AGM is in any kind. The matter was thenDecember, and the example of Sussex rectified at an extraordinarycould be repeated here without good general meeting on Tuesday. numbers. As it happened a quorate was The AGM, which took place lastreached in this months Student Council week, was carrying along nicely until ameeting, but the minimum level is high-ing a quorate by default. now would make you think that nothing student from the floor asked the chairer for AGMs and was not reached Kevin Marston, vice presidentever went wrong, with no mention of the dreaded question (if a quorate wastoday. for Communications and Marketing,the incident anywhere. How different present at the meeting), it has been This year is not the first timespoke of the importance of attendingthe story could have been. suggested that the chair then asked forthat Sussex’s Students Union has shutthe AGM: “Our AGM is on December the question not to be asked, but thedown after a quorate was failed to be12th, it is imperitave that as many stu-by Luke Hickey. student repeated their question. As areached, a similar incident happeneddents attend as possible, not just so result of this, the chair was forced tolast year. This has led to suggestionsthat the budget count the attendance and answer no tothat a student is in fact asked to ask theand motions, the question. The meeting was immedi-so-called dreaded question if thebut the meeting ately abandoned and the union shut-turnout is not deemed to be acceptable.is also a great down, with no money or minibusesThis then leads to a higher turnout atway of finding being allowed to leave the building andthe EGM, with the student populationout what is cur- no sporting fixtures being allowed to beworried that the future of the union mayrently happening fulfilled. be seriously affected, with no events,in your union It is widely accepted that in thesocieties or sports. Thus indirectly cur-and learning event of a quorate not being reacheding apathy, at least for the immediateabout the work the meeting can carry on as usual, pro-future. being performed viding nobody asks the dreaded ques- The ‘dreaded question’ hasby your sabati- tion. been asked here before, which has ledcals.” After the disbanded AGM, theto a resultant Student Council meeting A quick USSU president, Toby Rumford, andtaking place in the middle of the Unionlook at the his sabbatical team called an EGM forduring a Friday Night Out, thus ensur-USSU website SAS in the House of Commons

The start of November saw the dawn ofofficial response from the Primeshowing just how seriously the a new chapter and yet further successMinisters office was received. issue of water quality is now for the pressure group Surfers AgainstSAS’ influence was also reflected inbeing taken. Although asked, no Sewage. an hour-long meeting inside the House.Conservative representatives Over 150 wetsuit clad members fromThe discussion regarded calls forwere present. various different water sports camechanges to the EC Bathing Water Mr Mullin was able to report from all over the country to the HouseDirective. Chairing the meeting onthat the Government is behind of Commons in the biggest Demo sincebehalf of the SAS was Chris Hines andSAS’ proposals and agree that the SAS formed 10 years ago. ThisVicky Garner. Chris Mullin, the Underall water users should be reflects the new direction taken, toSecretary of State sat on the panel onacknowledged by the legislation. campaign for cleaner waters for allbehalf of the Government as did Tom For full report see back page. recreational water users, both at theBrake the Liberal Democrats coast and at inland waters. The ‘SASEnvironment Spokesperson. OtherChops (Sports Editor) Water Alliance’ gave a strong messageLabour and Liberal Democrat MP’s to politicians and for the first time, anwere also present at the meeting,

[email protected] News 1-3n Features 4-6, n Barearts 7 - 14n Lifestyle 18 n Sport 19-20 News 2 16/11/00 Editorial

Hi ya, only me again....I bet now you getting bored of Editorial Team me writing these editorials, but hey its something for Editorr you to laugh about. Kevin Marston Tomorrow(Wednesday) sees the March Against Deputy Editorr Tution Fees hitting the Capital so look out for photos Luke Hickey and article in forthcoming barefacts.

Production Editorr Well thats it for me this week.....seeya around Andrew Thomas Oh yeah.....watch out for the colds/flu stuff going News Team Film Editors around. I’ve managed to catch it again.....Hmmm, I James Buller Sariqa Wagley think i m burning the candles at both ends too much. Arthi Veerupillai Libby Hurt (Not a very good thing to do)

Features Editorr Science Editorr Vacant Nick Walsh

Music Editorr Sports Editorr Owen Hazelby Dave Chapman

Arts Editorr Marketing Team ChrisMorton Ali Danby Ellen van Keulen by Arthi Veerupillai

Tunnelling Inferno Contributers Gay Sex Law Ali Danby A weekend ski trip ended in tragedy as 170 people were killed as their cable train caught fire in anOnce again, there was an attempt to change the legal Ellen van Keulen Dave Abbott Austrian mountain tunnel. Some of them were Britons.age for homosexuals to have sex under 18 to 16 Only a few survived, but scared for life as most ofyears. The age was not changed earlier to prevent Susie Westwell Gisela Böhnisch them lost their loved ones in this terrible accident. Itpeople in the “positions of trust such as teachers etc was impossible to physically identify the dead as thefrom taking advantage of their role to have sex with a Tom Sugarman Melanie Wilberforce bodies were completely burned; genetic tests have toyounger person.” be carried to find out the details of the dead. Baroness Young, wants no change as she said “_By Andrew Gale Greensoc Experiments are being conducted on the variouskeeping the age ..at 18, we are protect young 16-year- chemicals found at the site in the hope that it wouldolds from the most dangerous of sexual practices..” MWC Claire Hathway provide some clue to as how it started. Someone hasLord Ali, the gay Labour peer, said, “ Ours is a case of to pay for all this and it isn’t gonna be nice as USprinciple and equality. It is a case of fairness and jus- Rebecca Lambert Stella Webb lawyer Ed Fagan said, “Lawsuits will come”. Finallytice. We are not asking you to approve homosexuali- the search for the bodies have now come to an endty_what I am asking you to do is to remove the penal- Madeleine M Samuel Hardwick but the investigation on whom to blame has just start-ty and weight of the law from young men aged 16 and ed. 17, who consent to have sex with other men.” The & Dr Russ issue of HIV and Aids were raised in the House and Never ending story??? the Government was once again was defeated as the House agreed not to “ place young people in danger”. Will it ever end? The election, which was only sup- posed to last for one day, has gone one for a whole Remembrance Sunday barefacts week now. Democrats say that the some voters failed Union House, University Of Surrey to punch proper holes in the ballot paper. SeveralPeople all over the UK fell silent to mark the moment, Guildford, Surrey, GU2 7XH recounts took place to find out who won, but every“as Britain honoured its war dead.” Thousands of war time the votes totally differed. Now the votes are beingveterans of all religions and cast took part in the Tel: 01483 879275 hand counted. On Tuesday (at time of writing) awreath-laying ceremonies. On Sunday exservice men Fax: 01483 534749 Florida Judge overruled Al Gore’s appeal to recount,and women marched past the Cenotaph, among them email: [email protected] and said to stop the recount today at 10pm thatwas First World War veteran Private Merikizadeki K evening (U.K time), as this has gone too far. TheSsempira, aged 116, who also paid his tributes to the Deadline for Publication results so far are, show that Bush leads and may wellWar heroes. Monday 12pm be the next President of US. Truckers Day Out

Submissions Strike!!!!!!!! The day out has finally ended, as the protestors pre- preferably on disk / email in Word 6.0 Format, sented a petition to No10 Downing Street on lowering Text in Arial, size 9 font University lectures are set to strike next month due tothe tax on fuel. The demands were: an immediate min- the level of their pay. A one-day strike is alreadyimum 15 pence per litre cut in fuel duty for heavy barefactsis an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. planned for the 5th of December, and it has beengoods vehicles and a reduction in road tax for light The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily reported that there will be more than just one-daygoods vehicles and cars based on environmental cri- represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union events if the demands of the union are not met. Theteria. or the University of Surrey. deal is to rise the pay rate by 3% increase and also toAll the lorries and trucks which occupied most of the This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission of the publisher. pay a decent amount of money to the research staff inLondon roads return to their homes as the protest

All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. the universities. This includes our University; as wellcomes to an end. The leader of the People’s Fuel Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. folks so watch out, there might be some angry lectur-Lobby said “I maybe stepping aside but that does not barefactsreserves the right to edit submissions. ers about. mean the PFL is going away.” Printed by East End Offset (TU), Bow, London, E3 3LT Charles in C Street! Tit for Tat! © USSU Communications Office 2000 Prince Charles is being offered a cameo role in the TV Four Palestinians have been killed during the clashessoap Coronation Street to celebrate its 40th anniver- in West Bank and Gaza Strip on Tuesday. In responsesary. to Monday’s violence in which four Israelis were killed in drive-by shootings, the Israelis have sealed off Palestinian-controlled territories in the West Bank Say Eh Oh in Russian allowing only vehicles that carry essentials such as food, medicine to pass. Elsewhere couple ofThe Russian state television, RTR, has bought the teenagers were killed as well. rights to all 365 episodes of the Teletubbies and It seems as if as the Israelis kill the Palestinians,dubbed them into Russian. The Telepuziki they kill the Israelis. Both the leaders keep having(Tellybellies), as they will now be know in Russia will talks and conferences about this matter but nothingbe fthe first program of its kind to be aired there. The seems to be stopping these brutal killing of innocentfour Teletubbies, and their activities have now been people. broadcast in 36 different languages to over one billion viewers. 16/11/00 News 3 NTL Discontent RisesYour Shout Students met this week to dis-times. For the general public theyno avail, so that is why you haveIt may have escaped your atten-much that he criticised the US cuss the poor deal they feeloffer a structure which gives freegot the crap dial-up service, not ation but there is the very smallelection, is that here in Surrey we they are getting from NTL.access at certain times plus manyproper network connection,” saidmatter of an election out in theare ahead of the mighty States. Stemming from messages onother perks. These and similarTracy Daws. NTL have providedUnited States of America at the I have nothing against America, the Union’s online bulletinschemes run by other Internetfor an upgrade to their service.moment. Nothing too vital, they'rein fact I love the country, and the board, the Union TechnologyService Providers (ISP’s) are veryNetwork cables and sockets haveonly electing the so-called 'Mostpeople, but how can they find Officer formed a group to tack-popular. NTL will not let studentsbeen installed throughout thePowerful Man in the World'. Sothemselves in a position where le the issue. make use such competing compa-halls. They lead to around 70 cen-yes, it is a rather important pas-they are no better than an interna- Bulent Yazisi (‘B’) and co. are tonies. “They’ve got 0800 ISP’stral ‘hubs’. Unfortunately thesesage of time after-all. Now youtional laughing stock. Last month press for a better service fromblocked. Surely this is a bit unfair -hubs are not to the outside world.would have thought that the 53rdwe had student central committee NTL, on behalf of many dissatis-yeah they’re providing a service,If they were then students couldPresident of the USA should be aelections, we may have had only fied students. However they arebut we’re paying for it!” a studentsurf the web at speeds equal tofair battle, one which showed how70 votes, but was their a court bat- particularly concerned withranted. Another observed: “Itthose attained in Austin Pearce.America was leading the way intle? No. Was there talk of the flash improving the situation for stu-seems a rather monopolistic wayThe room’s PC and phone wouldmethods of voting, showing somevoting system being fixed? No. dents wishing to get online fromto behave.” also use separate lines so theof the countries who alledeglyHere at Surrey we have started to their campus rooms. B has been liaising with sever-phone would not be engagedrigged their votes, how to run ause a system which may have a B acknowledged that NTL’s roomal people about these issues towhilst online. Daws says “the NTLgreat sound system. few teething problems, but works. phones are “a big step forward”gather information and support. contract will allow NTL to upgrade Well, you would have thoughtIn the States they have a system compared to one phone per The Union revealed that NTLthe service they provide at theirso wouldn't you? Instead you getwhere some votes cast within the house/floor two years ago.has agreed to debar any 0800own cost if they want to.” what is probably turning into oneallowed legal timeframe were cast However a number of problemsnumbers, which are not to compa-Such an upgrade would be quiteof the biggest farces in history. Iproperly but arrived late are being have been identified. nies they view as competition. Aexpensive. Considerable uptakewon't go into the general news ofdisallowed, where there is very * Firstly all freephone 0800 num-list is now being drawn up and stu-of the improved system wouldwhat is happening for three rea-loud talk of vote rigging and a sys- bers are barred, making it impossi-dents can suggest numbers vianeed to be expected for NTL tosons: 1) You probably have heardtem far too complicated for many ble for students to contact manythe Union website. Nightline hasconsider it. It is up to students toit on the news by now; 2)to be able to use. A great advert helplines and other telephonealready submitted a list of promi-show enthusiasm and that it canWhatever I write now will probablyfor democracy guys, well done, based services. nent freephone helplines such asbe cost effective. be out of date by the time youyou are an example to us all. * Secondly at peak times the sys-the National Drugs Helpline. There is no chance of the uni-read this; and 3)I don't really care tem becomes jammed making itThe Accommodation Office con-versity stepping in to bridge theabout the finer points. For meBy Luke Hickey. impossible to make or recievefirmed that all campus studentsgap. There are strict rules sur-what is superb about this joke, calls. are paying an extra £1.60 perrounding use of the UK academicwhich has even amused Robert * The quality of Internet connec-week rent to pay for NTL to main-computer network ‘JANET’. DawsMugabe (ex-Zimbabwean tions has been critised along withtain their system. Two years ago,added that the existing pieces ofPresident - you must remember the method of charging. when the networking was beinghardware are “owned by NTL andthe story about their elections) so * The setup CD-ROM given out atplanned, Accommodation Officewe, the University’s network team the start of term and NTL’sManager, Richard Paxton saidcannot use them until NTL’s con- Helpline are also regularly con-“There will be service level agree-tract ends - in just over 7 years demed as useless or worse. ments and monitoring to ensuretime.” “The quality of service offeredthat the service we sign up for is As students’ representative for by NTL is diabolocal; it is virtuallythe one we get.” technology matters B and Kevin impossible to get an outside line,B has pledged to examine theMarston, Communications & or even a line into the mainUniversity/NTL contract and askMarketing sabbatical will be talk- University network, any timeNTL why their system is consis-ing to NTL this week to discuss the between 6pm and 2am,” said onetently failing in the evenings. various problems and how these student. “You would have thought A source at Universitymaybe solved.. that NTL would have cottoned onComputing Services (UCS) said to this fact and realised that, bythat they had had a plan to putBarefacts will keep you informed not allowing students to make tele-high speed Internet connectionsof further developments. phone calls, they are losinginto the residences - but were cut money.” off by the appointment of NTL. by James Buller NTL have only one tarrif for internet use - 1p per mintue at all“We all protested at this idea but to

...News In Brief...News In Brief...News In Brief...News In Brief...

Water Water Everywhere in their lower seating area. police forces in England and Wales. arate NHS enquiries into three hospitals in * 3 Guildford schools closed England and Wales. The commission for The worst floods to hit Guildford since 1968 Exam ‘Obsession’ health improvement is expected to speak of receded last week and more details of their Super Highway Patrol “serious service failures” at North Lakeland effects were revealed: As the exam period gets ever closer theNHS Trust in Cumbria and Carmarthenshire * Onslow bridge was nearly engulfed andEighty techno-cops are to enforce law andgovernment has been attacked for havingNHS Trust in Llanelli. Meanwhile the NHS police closed off the town to all traffic for aorder on the Internet, it was announced thisan unhealthy “obsession” with testing stu-Executive will report on serious staff prob- period. week. £25 million is being spent to setup adents. The leader of the Secondary Headslems in their enquiry into one of the UK’s * The Friary shut completely when its base-new National Hi-Tech Crime Unit. Association has criticised plans to introduceleading cardiac units at John Radcliffe ment held 5ft of water. Home Secretary, Jack Straw said theassessments for 13 year olds. Hospital in Oxford. * A foot-thick, steel storm door protected theannouncement was “in line with our objec-The maths tests are designed to stretch a Preliminary enquiries into the North lower ground floor of Debenhams - until thetive of making the UK the best and safestgifted 10% of young teenagers. JohnLakeland’s practices resulted in a public water rose above it and entered the newlyplace in the world to conduct and engage inDunford, General Secretary of the SHAapology to elderly and mentally ill patients at refurbished premises through the ceiling.e-commerce.” The cyber-cops will be drawncalled them an “irrelevant hurdle” which willGarland Hospital for “appalling mistreat- * Woolworths closed for safety reasonsfrom the police, HM Customs, National“add unnecessarily to the stress levels ofment”. The Prince Philip Hospital in Llanelli, when a fire exist had to be sandbagged.*Crime Squad and the National Criminalacademically able children”. Thetook a healthy a healthy kidney in a trans- Furniture Express suffered extensive dam-Intelligence Service. Their base will be inQualifications and Curriculum Authorityplant instead of a failing one. The patient age to its stock. London with 46 officers dispersed to region-(QCA) describes its new “world class”later died. * The orchestra in The Yvonne Arnaudal police forces. exams as stimulating and says the will be Theatre played from the wings as water fil- Together they will co-ordinate investiga-useful to benchmark British children withChild Poverty Inicitive tered into their pit. 4ft of water collectedtions into paedophiles, nazi-type organisa-those overseas. The voluntary nature of the underneath the auditorium and there is con-tions, financial fraudsters and so on. Theyproblem solving and maths tests was alsoThe government has launched a £450 mil- cern about condition of the wooden stage.will also have links to foreign intelligencestressed. Dunford said they were “a furtherlion campaign to target child poverty and * The Mill Studio has been declared unus-agencies. example of the government’s obsession withbreak the chain of crime, poor education able for the foreseeable future John Abbott, Director General of thetesting at the expense of true education” and deficiency. The funding, set to be imple- * Flood prevention doors at the ElectricNational Criminal Intelligence Service said:The tests will start in trials in America nextmented over the next three years will seek Theatre let some water in, destroying“Cybercrime ignores borders - be theyyear. to improve all area of the children’s lives, archives. regional, national or international. Our including education, health and unemploy- * The Odeon prepared sandbag defences,approach therefore has to be holistic.” Hosiptal Enquiries ment. Local businesses will also be encour- which only let in a trickle of water. Another £37 million has been earmarked aged to participate in the scheme, with £70 * Wetherspoons found a few inches of waterto link together the computer systems of allMajor basic errors in the handling of patientmillion of the fund being specifically set care are expected to be reported in two sep-aside to help these plans. Jubilee2000 & Your Emails 4 16/11/00 Jubilee 2000 and the World Debt Crisis The G8 summit in Okinawa (a Japanese island) on Julyeffects of debts on the worlds poorest countries – worth a We have all heard of Jubilee 2000 and their attempts2000 appeared to make little progress in the debt reliefread. to cancel the huge debts owed by many developingpackage, and the isolated nature of the location sug- countries to the wealthier Western regions, but whatgests that the world leaders involved may have realised Taking Action NOW exactly is it really all about? Basically it has becomethat their progress has not been seen as adequate or an issue of greed – the overall debt payments expect-acceptable to debt relief supporters, neither have they On Saturday 2ndDecember Jubilee 2000 are holding day ed end up being far higher than the initial loan. Thisachieved the targets that set out at the previous of events to highlight what has been achieved so far, and is due to ridiculous service charges and small-printCologne summit more importantly to reinforce to creditors and the govern- regulations imposed by the lenders to turn the loans By September 2000 only 4% of the National debt had ment what still need to be done if indebted countries are to to their own advantage. The recipient countries and been cancelled, and promises made by world leaders,be released from their debts and allowed to develop. A organisations have little option but to accept the including Tony Blair, have been broken, reducing the torchlit rally, assembling outside Westminster Abbey will terms of the loan offered as in many cases they real-number of countries eligible to receive debt relief from pass Treasury and Downing Street, and there is a ticketed ly need this initial capital to develop. 24 to 20. Jubilee 2000 meeting at 2pm in St. Margaret’s Church, Westminster Abbey and Emmanuel Centre. Facts and Figures And the latest….. For more details on this, people to write to expressing your concerns over the debt situation, and for more infor- The total current value of debts owed by developing Jubilee 2000 has just recently uncovered ‘Vulture Funds’.mation on Jubilee 2000 in general, and to sign their online countries is $2.6 trillion These prey on the poorest countries buy companies buyingpetition visit, the Jubilee 2000 website at There are several different types of debt depending on the debts from a country at a bargain rate and then suing forhttp://www.jubilee2000uk.org. the source (a countries government, national corpor a full repayment plus interest, thus increasing the total ation, or a charity organisation). Each has it’s own co amount that the debted country has to repay. Jubilee 2000,by Emma van Huysse nditions, rates of interest etc. having exposed this prac- In 1996 the Heavily Indebted Poor Countries initiative tice are calling for stricter as set up to deal with debt relief by reducing debt pa- controls on such actions, yments in combination with strict, and often adverse orbut have been countered even crippling conditions being imposed, such as forced by some of the companies reduction in investment in medical care and education involved who say it is etc. This has since been reviewed. “naïve to expect private The G8 summit in Cologne, 1999, offered little improv- entities to forego sound ement to the debt situation as over 70% of the debt reliefbusiness practises”. But it was offering had already been promised! Only 11 can increasing the poverty countries have been receiving debt relief as a result of level of an already indebt- this Summit, and just one country, Uganda, has had it’sed really country be a debt cancelled. “sound business practise” In September 1999 President Clinton was the first unila? To ensure that this is not teral creditor (individual government) to cancel debts allowed to continue, an owed to the government by the poorest countries, on international policy needs condition that the money was used to tackle poverty. Theto be set up whereby UK followed this in December. countries facing bankrupt- Multilateral deals, through corporations and organisationscy are not exploited by pri- such as the HIPC initiative, have the greater potential tovate investors. cancel larger values of debts. The Jubilee 2000 web- In 1999 the IMF introduced the Poverty Reduction and site contains the full pic- Growth Facility which states that all financial support, ture, and many horrific including debt reduction and cancellation, must be part offacts and figures demon- an overall poverty reduction strategy. strating the inhuman

Your Emails

To: barefacts To: barefacts From: Julie Cooper From: Simon Blackwell Subject: Societies Subject: Student Council Cc: Cc: Dear Barefacts, Christianity. The last time I looked Christianity stood for any- Dear Barefacts, thing but this. Christianity is all about open mindedness and fair Attending the Student Council Meeting on 14/11/00 I was upsettreatment. Jesus' teaching were all about breaking down barri- I am a postgraduate chemist, and have workedto see what was, essentially, a legal changing of the union con-ers between peoples not installing them! I do not claim to be in the same lab as the stitution in favour of discrimination. any great theologian, but I feel perhaps the CU should re-exam- recently impeached Islamic Society President While I can understand that religious societies could possiblyine its own definition of Christian as it seems to imply a "holier Faruk Ahmed for over two years. Faruk is onefall victim to the so-called "extremists" (to quote the President ofthan thou" attitude. of my closest friends within the research group,the Jewish Society) who could influence the outcome of the vote Bringing me onto the comment the speaker made at the end and is one of the most honest and trustworthyat meetings, I do not see that they are justified in changing theof the session about "understanding how people with no faith people I have ever met. constitution to achieve this. could find it hard to understand their motives". Who was he to Firstly, I would like to address the argument of the CU, whichdetermine who had faith and who didn't? I was extremely I have no idea what propaganda was spread was that they wanted to introduce a system of dual member- offended. I am a Roman catholic and don't see why not agree- about Faruk, but I was shocked that an ship. That of associate members, who they would graciously ing with the CU implies no faith! This is a prime example of the impeachment should have happened to such aallow to be of other religions, and that of "true" members, who attitude I described earlier. decent person. I find it difficult to accept suchwould have to be Christians. Firstly in a practical sense this is Don't get me wrong. I feel the CU do a lot of good work. I unfairness, especially when it appears to haveridiculous. How are you going to decide who is Christian or have many friends who are members. I just feel they are mis- been due to one embittered and unscrupulousnot? The speaker for CU said they would make everyone guided in this pursuit. The Jewish Society too, is misguided in individual with a very strong personal agenda. Iswear an oath. Hello??!! If these "extremists", as we are to this, as, somewhat contradictorily they seemd to rely on do hope this person will eventually be shown inbelieve, were that "extreme, surely they would not be kept at Gentiles for membership but want to exclude them too. their true light, before too many more new bay by an oath? Why not introduce a system of bacon eating, members are bullied as the email-writer in Issuealcohol drinking and cow kicking, just in case any Jews, I realise that this is a long boring rant, but I feel if more students 993 was. Muslims or Hindus get in? Incidentally, the only evidence of had known of the importance of this motion more would have these shadowy "extremists" they could come up with was the attended to support the "no" vote. Julie Cooper. notorious "Life after the womb" article. However offensive this article may have been, I do not see it as grounds for constitu- Yours sincerely, tional change! Simon Blackwell Please send your emails to Secondly, I still do not understand, and nothing the CU said con- [email protected] vinced me, how they reconcile the ideas of discrimination and Global Warming Cont 16/11/00 5 Global Warming - Is there any truth in it? This article was written in response to present temperature measurements, thedioxide. This finding is at odds with global an article published in Barefacts on 9Atmospheric carbon dioxide, the primarymodels are off by more than a degree. Is itwarming theory and the idea that increased November, written by a member ofgreenhouse gas, has increased by approxi-sensible to base public policy on modelslevels of carbon dioxide force climate tem- Greensoc. This article talked aboutmately 30 percent in the last century and athat cannot describe past or present tem-peratures upward, but it does Global Warming, and suggested thathalf. peratures accurately? correspond with reality. The earth came out the flooding currently being experi- A second part of the environmentalistsof a “Little Ice Age” during the middle of the enced around the country could be dueThese facts were used to simulate atmos-argument is that the slight surface warminglast century. During that time global temper- to global warming. This article entitledpheric conditions in computerized climateof just over 1 degree Fahrenheit the earthature was about 1 degree cooler than at “Global Warming: A Global Warning”models. This caused some scientists to inferhas experienced since the mid-1800s mustpresent. If the current research is correct, spoke about global warming and thethat the earth’s current warming is due to thebe the result of human activities, since natu-one could surmise that the temperature effects it is having on the world. What itincrease in atmospheric carbon dioxideral temperature changes this substantialincrease at the end of the Little Ice Age has, didn’t mention is that the global warn-caused primarily by the use of fossil fuels.occur over hundreds or even thousands oflike previous warming, preceded an entirely ing theory is very disputed and it isAccording to the models the earth will warmyears. But a study released in 1998 showednatural increase in carbon dioxide. While highly likely that human activities havea further 0.8 degrees to 3.5 degrees C overthat the global climate can change dramati-human activities have probably contributed little or no influence on the warming ofthe next 100 years. cally within a very short period. Aroundto the current carbon dioxide increase, the the earth. There is much scientific evi-Global warming theory rests on three cor-12,500 years ago the earth’s temperaturelink between that increase and warmer tem- dence suggesting that the earth isnerstones: climate models, scientific analy-rose by more than 20 degrees Fahrenheit inperatures becomes more uncertain with warming naturally, but this theoryses of past and present climate data and50 years. This is more than ten times theeach new scientific discovery. seems to be overlooks by most of thetrends, and the assertion that increases inwarming environmentalist claim humans are media. greenhouse gases drive up global tempera-causing and without human influence. So Global Warming or a stupid I am no expert on global warming, so Itures. However, recent scientific discoveries The third argument used by environmen- Warning? have had to research this article. Most ofare chipping away at these talist is that increased carbon dioxide emis- facts in this article were taken from a reportcornerstones. sions, primarily from the USA (or developedJames Hansen, whose who wrote the origi- written by NCPA Senior Policy Analyst H. world in general) are causing the green-nal report on global warming, wrote in the Sterling Burnett in 1999. Holes in the Theory house effect. Unfortunately for this argu-1998 “the forces that drive long-term climate The theory of human caused greenhouse ment, a report released in 1998 showed thatchange are not known with accuracy suffi- effect first came to the general publics viewFirstly, any temperature rise that hasthe U.S. is in fact a leading “air filter.” Thecient to define future climate change.” in 1988. At this time, James Hansen, direc-occurred in the last 150 years is far less thanUSA emits about 1.5 thousand million tonsUnfortunately the media did not take his tor of NASA’s Goddard Institute of Spaceeven the best models predicted. Initially inof carbon dioxide each year. Thanks to thesecond report as seriously as the first. Studies, testified to a Senate committee in1990, it was predicted that if no furthertremendous re-growth in the eastern U.S. ofThe theory of global warming is still a the- America that he was” 99 percent sure thataction were taken to reduce the greenhouseforests that act as carbon sinks, it removesory and yet to be conclusively proven. I the [human caused] greenhouse effect the earth would warm up by 4.5 to 6over 2 thousand million tons of carbon diox-would not suggest that any of the changes effect has been detected and it is changingdegrees C by 2050. By 1996 the ide a year. Hence the US actually removesproposed by environmentalists are bad, but our climate now.” This statement was widelyIntergovernmental Panel on Climatecarbon dioxide from the air. I think costly decisions should be made on covered by the world’s media and everChange reduced this predicted to an Even more damaging to the environmen-scientific fact not because of panic caused since, the term Global Warming has beenincrease of 0.8 to 3.5 degrees Celsius bytalists’ argument is the fact that most of theby under informed green peace activists. I seen as a real threat. What the media didn’t2100. That is less than half the warming inwarming over the last century occurredfeel that the members of Greensoc should cover so well was that many of his col-twice the time of the initial prediction. A U.S.before 1940 – preceding the vast majority ofhave mentioned that [human caused] global leagues thought, and still think, that hisgovernment survey of the global climatehuman-caused carbon dioxide emissionswarming is still a theory and, the more likely announcement was premature at best andmodel literature conducted predicted evenworldwide. Global warming alarmists havereason for global warming is solar activity, rash at worst. But critics received little atten-less warming - between 0.5 degrees and 2.0been unable to explain this natural earth cycles or volcanic activity. tion in the rush to publicise this most apoca-degrees Celsius by 2100. With every newmismatch between warming theory and sci- And just a few facts to reassure you that lyptic of all environmental threats. report the range of warming falls, whichentific data. we are not all going to be drowned or fired implies that the early models on which the However environmental scientists haveas soon as expected. The Basis Of Global Warming Theorymost catastrophic claims were based werebeen able to explain this mismatch. LastSince 1973, when satellite measurements crude predictors of global climate change.year a report was released that showed, thatbegan, Antarctic sea ice has increased Global Warming theory is based on severalMore accurate and improved models showcontrary to popular belief carbon dioxide lev-slightly. sets of data. For example: less and less warming, and begin to fall inels have varied greatly over the last 11,000 On a global scale there is little evidence line with actual temperature data. Smallyears. Another report released concludedof sustained trends in climate variability or Ground-level temperature measurementstemperature rise point to a very reducedthat when the earth shifts extremes. show the earth has warmed between 0.3likelihood of harmful environmental events.from glacial to warm periods, as it doesby Christian Sturt degrees and 0.6 degrees Celsius in the lastEven the best climate models are flawed,every 100,000 years or so, temperature rise century. and when compared to actual past andconsistently precedes increased carbon 6 Student Council & Focus Groups 16/11/00 Student Council

On Tuesday of this week, the Studentwelcome to get involved. Council met for the first time under the Student Council also elected and ratified new Union Chair. Without the draw ofa number of new Union officers, including the previous beer price debate, atten-for the first time this year an Arts and dance was slightly down but wasEntertainments Chairperson, as well as a nonetheless impressive, and someCommunity Action Chairperson and two well-argued debates ensued. members of the Finance and Services The Christian Union, on behalf of theCommittee. other religious and political societies, putUnion Committee and Sabbatical reports forward a motion that allowed them to inter-were kept relatively short, and included an pret the Union Constitution regulations inintroduction to the new Interim Manager of such a way as to allow societies with par-USSU, Bob Anderson, who said how ticular core beliefs to restrict voting mem-pleased he was to see the student demo- bership to students practising those beliefs.cratic process working so well. Members of This was clearly a contentious issue, withthe Union Working Party also gave an the CU providing well-reasoned opinionsupdate on the state of the Focus Groups but some others providing a good balancethat are looking to improve the service and with equally considered responses. Theorganisation of the Students' Union as a debate centred over the rights of politicalwhole. and religious societies to protect them- The next meeting of Student Council is selves by not allowing non-believers to takethe AGM, which will be held on Tuesday Two of the many speakers at Council giving their opinion on matters over their society, while the opposition12th December at 1pm on the Union argued that this would go against equalitydancefloor. AGMs are chaired by the Union regulations. By the end of the argument,President and therefore any items for dis- the result was by no means certain but incussion should be submitted in writing to fact the Council voted to pass the motionher or via the Union Chairperson before by a significant margin. Tuesday 5th December. Remember, USSU President Fiona Wareham thenStudent Council is the forum for each and invited discussion on the issue of securityevery student to express his or her opin- cameras in the vicinity of student resi-ions on any matters that affect them, so if dences. Although this culminated in only anthere is anything about the Union that you indicative vote, the depth of feeling wasare not happy with, make use of this oppor- clear, as Council overwhelmingly signalledtunity to change it. its dissatisfaction with the current level of Copies of the full Minutes of this meeting security on campus. As a result, Fionaand the preceding one, held in October, will promised to set up a focus group to workbe available soon on the noticeboard in the with the University Security team toUnion immediately opposite the main improve both security camera provisionentrance. and lighting around campus. If you wish to be included in these meetings, please e-David Abbott Student Council deliberate one of the motions mail [email protected] - everyone isUnion Chair Union Review With Fudge it won’t budge!!! The Union Review, what is it all about?Andrews ([email protected]) for You’d have to have been living under amore details). rock for the last couple of months not to be The members of the Drink Product HAIRTEC aware of the financial situation of theRange focus group will be meeting again to Union’s commercial arm, Union Club. Itreport back the findings of the Working 24 Madrid Road was first publicised last year whenParty and to gauge opinion on the planned barefacts announced that Chancellor’s waschanges. £47,000 in the red. Since then the Finance If you are a member of casual staff at the (01483) 440414 Manager announced at Student CouncilUnion then there is an Focus Group to be that the Union Club as a whole is facing anheld tomorrow (Friday 18th November) to end of year deficit of £220,000. discuss your views and opinions on how This, coupled with the unrest amongstthe bars and catering services can be Reduced the student body lead to the formation ofimproved. the Working Party (made up of the The outcome of these focus groups will prices for Sabbaticals, Managers and student repre-be fed back into the next Working Party sentatives) to undertake a full strategicmeeting to be held in a couple of weeks. review of the Union and it’s managementThe minutes of all these meetings will be Students structures. The core of this process is talk-posted to the website and the Union notice ing to as many students as possible andboard. get their opinions and views on what needs To find out more information about this Tuesday’s - changing and what is good with the Union.or any other aspect of the strategic review This is where the focus groups come in. check the website, this paper or have a chat with any of the Sabbaticals. Or even Friday’s Focus groups - what has been going hunt me down ([email protected]) on? and let me know your opinions. inclusive Put simply a focus group is a forum for stu- dents to discuss aspects of the Union.Have your say concerning your Union. Four focus groups on a variety of subjects have already been held: Drink ProductPaul Wright Range, Events, Facilities and Services & Lloyds Forthcoming Focus Groups Societies. Chemist Last Tuesday (14th November) the Product Range (reconvening) Working Party met to discuss the outcome of the first round of these groups. The Thursday 16th November - 5pm Casual Staff Meeting main issue to come out of these groups is Madrid the lack of advertising and marketing of all Friday 17th Nov 5pm Helyn Rose Bar Food The Astolat aspects of the Union, from bar prices to Road facilities. This is something that will be cov-Monday 20th Nov - 6pm Helyn Rose Bar Marketing and Advertising ered in greater depth in the upcoming Friday 24th November Helyn Rose Bar Marketing Focus Group (to be held Friday NewsagentApollo 24th November at 5:00 PM, contact Lucy x Reef

Interview with Reef Music reviews Competitions Horoscopes OFU News & Comps 8 16/11/00 an imitation pistol but were spotted by a by-stander who then went and called the police. After a couple of minutes several policeman arrived Musicand one ARU (armed response unit) arrived at the scene. After discovering the whole event was a stunt the police left after the giving the band a severe warning though. NewsYou PLONKERS! Fans of Madonnawill be pleased Last week saw pops big guns,thanks to all our fans for being soto know that it has been revealed Westlifeand The Spice Girlssupportive and helping us tothat the American artist has be releasing their new albums and theachieve this very personal goal.”rumoured to be taking part in a biggest interest in the music worldWestlife’s current single ‘My Love’signing session for fans in London was to see who would come in atwas knocked off the top spot byprior to her show at the Brixton the top spot. It was predicted thatA1, whose new single ‘Same OldAcademy on the 28thDecember. the Irish boy band Westlife wouldBrand New You’went straight intoThe signing session is rumoured to come in first and they were rightnumber one. take place on the 24thDecember Westlife trounced the Spice Girls in in the HMV store on Oxford Street. he could sing.” The plan, whichrelease singles. However, he wont the battle with their 2ndalbumThe weeks funniest news comes However, a spokesperson forprobably isn’t much of a surprise, ishave to try hard to beat the efforts ‘Coast to Coast’coming in atfrom Reefwho were literally askedMadonna has announced that “it’s that the nations favourite scouserof evictee Nicholawhose single number one which out sold theto “put your hands up” by policejust a possibility at the moment but after a publicity stunt backfired and is due to release the single to try‘The Game’failed to set the charts Spice Girls 3rdalbum ‘Forever’by not confirmed.” the police were called. The band and claim the Christmas numberalight. Barefacts is waiting for the almost 200,000 copies meaning it planned to kidnap a student radio one spot. The single ‘At Thiscall for the single from the Little came in at number 2. Westlife UK ‘Big Brother’ winner, Craig DJ during his show. Things turned Time Of Year’will have to do wellSister winner. speaking to the Sun newspaper Phillips, has signed a contract horribly wrong when the four-piece to claim the top spot as it is in said, “we are absolutely over the with WEA records despite of the stormed the radio station office tough competition with WestlifeSimon Robinson moon. We’d like to give a huge fact that he “didn’t even realise that wearing balaclavas and carrying and Eminemalso planning to Competition Time! Greetings earthlings, and welcome to this week’s competi-‘Kempy’ Jackson is the chair. tions page; restored in all its glory to page 8 after its vacation One quick whinge, when you enter could you give us your last issue. The vacation appeared to coincide with a drop inWell donealso to Jonathan Fairhurstwho said that all hereal name (not just nick-names), gives us a better chance of the number of entries, with only five people entering thewanted for Christmas was to fly Concorde, win the lottery,knowing who you are. Oakenfold competition. Four of the entrants were correct inget into Mensa, become President of the World, live in Hugh deducing that David Abbott is the new Union Chairperson,Hefners’ mansion, being as big as Big Daddy Mac, BarefactsAnyway on to this week’s offerings, you can win 6FNO guest obviously spotting the fairly large hint on the front page of theto identify Tinks and Winks and finally for Men’s Hockey tolist tickets for Friday 24th November, you could win some last issue; an article written by ‘Dave Abbott (Union Chair)’.actually win a match. The man doesn’t want much does he!moneypenny goodies and some Way of the Gun bits n’ bobs. The winner, walking off with the alarm clock, sticker and 6My thanksalso go to the person who suggested that all sheAs usual, entries need to be in by Monday 20th November CDs, was Dave Civil, the two runners-up, each blagging 2wanted for Christmas was for the deputy editor to be strung6pm to [email protected]; the editors decision is final CDs were Annette and the Chief. Better luck next time to theup and stoned to death, please be assured that view isand good luck. person who failed to notice that hint and thought that Mattechoed by all in the Barefacts team.

Win MoneyPenny Stuff!

To slightly belatedly celebrate the launch of ‘The Sound of Miss Moneypenny’s’ we have been given a t-shirt, key-ring and notepad to pass on to the author of the first entry out of the hat on Monday evening. To be in with a shout of winning, all you have to do is answer the following question:

Who played super-hero James Bond in The World is Not Enough? Luke MacKenzie Win FNO tickets? Robbie Williams Pierce Brosnan Come on, you must be getting the hang of this by now, complete the following sentence is a witty and original way, send it in to us and the best entry in the opinion of the editorial board wins 6 tickets to next Friday’s FNO, on the guest list (so no queuing up or paying). Simple, so all you have to do this week is say which member of the Sabb team you would like a hot date with and why?(If anybody wants a date with the VP for Comms & Marketing, please contact an optician - dep.ed).

Win ‘The Way of the Gun’ Goodies

Those nice people at Love Film have given us a t-shirt, poster and CD of the soundtrack, to cele- brate the release of The Way of the Gun, a drama of guns and mayhem, staring Ryan Phillippe and Benicio del Toro. So if you fancy winning answer the following question:

The Way of the Gun director Christopher McQuarrie is renowned for scripting The Usual Suspects; which year did the film come out?

1795 1895 1995 Interview 16/11/00 9 Rocking with Reef! Interviewed by Nigel Martin

Reef, probably most famous forsongs we write and they could all ‘Place Your Hands’, also the tunebe singles. Only a few tracks of from the ‘it’s your letters’ section ofours would get on the radio and TFI Friday have recently releasedthey might not be the best ones but their fourth album ‘Getaway’. Ithey are the ones people will hear. interviewed guitarist KenywnbarefactsYou’ve recorded four House to find out more about them.albums now, how do you feel your music has developed since barefacts:What are you up to atReplenish? the moment? Kenywn:Well, quite a bit. Kenywn:I’ve got flu at thebarefactsHave you all developed moment. I’m doing interviews, gotas musicians? a day of them today, we’re rehears-Kenywn:Yeah definitely. Our first ing at the moment, we did a Radiorecord, I love that record to pieces, 1 session yesterday, just started upI love all our records. after gary’s bad leg. barefactsYour first one is quite barefacts:Your last single ‘Setraw compared with the newer stuff. The Record Straight’ got to numberKenywn:Yeah, I think we have 10 in the charts, pretty good forbetter, cleaner production on this indie rock music, do you personal-new album and that’s been deliber- ly worry about chart positions? ate but there’s still aggressive.... Kenywn:Yes and no. Our secondbarefactsRock album went in at no.1 and I can’tKenywn:Yeah, there’s rough say I wasn’t happy, that was aedges. I think it’s quite balanced, I great feeling, but I’m not toodon’t think we could have made it dependent on that. We were quitemore cleaner, you’ve got to mix it lucky that week, there wasn’t tooup a bit. much being released, but youbarefactsWho do you rate as a could have a really tough week. guitarist being a guitarist yourself?tarist I mentioned earlier was there,family/friends, green issues, politi-record companies or the big busi- barefacts:Yeah like the SpiceKenywn:Loads of people. I’ve gotloads of friends, a really musicalcal things. nesses that will have a tough time. Girls. a friend actually I went to collegeplace and a year later, Jack ourbarefactsYou follow the media?barefactsI think the other way of Kenywn:Yeah like fuckingwith and he’s the best guitarist I’vebass player came up and GaryKenywn:I do but I don’t believe inlooking at it is that someone might Madonna, Robbie Williams andever seen in my life, he’s calledmoved up pretty soon afterwards,it. hear one or two of your tracks and fucking you could be up againstPaul Rose and a brilliant musicianhe didn’t go to college but he wasbarefactsOkay, do you have anythen go out and buy the album. absolutely anything or nothing. Forbut he’s not famous. looking to get into a band. Weplans to play Guildford? Kenywn:I know, exactly there you rock music it’s not totally neces-barefactsYeah that’s the trouble,worked for a year on the dole, try-Kenywn:Not so far, but you’re notgo, there is a real positive side to it, sary, at the end of the day there arethere’s loads of people like thating to get gigs, rehearsing, writingfar out of London. the only problem is if it’s digital certain songs that who don’tsongs, making demo tapes, youbarefactsWe’re not, very true. information and you’ve got a good won’t get playedWhat do you thinkmake it. know doing what bands do. Kenywn:I remember playingCD burner you have no need to do on radio. We’ve Kenywn:barefactsIt’s worked for you. Guildford once in the early daysthat. If it was that you could just been quite luckyof the state of chartOh, he willKenywn:Yeah it came off. when we were starting out. download it onto your desktop as a rock band as be famousbarefactsWhat would you saybarefactsDo you have any choicespeakers and that sounds kind of Radio 1 havemusic these days?one day, nomakes the difference between aover that then? shit. played many of doubt.great band and an average one? IsKenywn:The promoters book thebarefactsYeah, the quality is not our singles and..it’s always beenThere’s lotsthere something fundamental? place, we don’t know all the ven-perfect. they’ve gone of good gui-Kenywn:Yeah. ues up and down the country, howKenywn:But, if you download it, high. shit... tar players. IbarefactsThere’s loads of goodbig places are etc. It gets sortedit’s the same information as the CD barefactsWhat really likebands that never make it. out by people who know that job. Ifin the shops, how different is that? do you think of jimmy page,Kenywn:I think so, It just takes ayou want to put input in then youThere’s no need to buy it. the state of chart music theseJimi Hendrix, I really like the gui-bit of magic doesn’t it, I mean whatcan. barefactsIt’s just the cover and days? tarist in Radiohead. I think the nois-is it about Kurt Cobain, I mean hebarefactsWhat’s your feeling onthe niceties there. Kenywn:Um, it’s always beenes he makes on a guitar are fan-could only play four or five chords,mp3’s, the internet and napster? Kenywn:Absolutely, and at the shit, people harp back to the 60’stastic. what makes the whole thing work. IKenywn:Err, mixed really, I thinkend of the day it’s the music you’re but there was shit then, shawaddy-barefactsThat’s the key, gettingthink it’s about how much of yourit’s gonna make people like usbuying it for and you can probably waddy in the 70’s, crap in the 60’s.something different. soul you are prepared to put into itpoorer in that respect and eventu-download an image of the cover barefactsIt’s never been greatKenywn:Exactly, that’s whatand there’s no denying that theally maybe kill it. I can’t complainand print it off. It’s just a way of has it? counts, how the fuck does it sound,greats have been wholehearted.about it too much, I don’t think it’llgetting in there. I think the Napster Kenywn:No, there’s a whole newI really respect him. barefactsDo you envisage your-be too much of a threat at the endand the mp3 thing is a mixture of hybrid of fucking techno shit, likebarefactsThe guy out of Rageself being in Reef for the rest ofof the day if treated well.two things, people who are inter- kiddie shit. There’s also a lot ofAgainst the Machine as well? your guitar playing days or wouldSomething needs to be done aboutested in music sharing information good music. Kenywn:Yeah, I met Zack in Losyou like to perform as a solo artist?it though, the people who will real-which his really good and the barefactsYeah like Coldplay andAngeles doing the last record andKenywn:I love this band, it’s real-ly lose out clever Radiohead have come back. he’s a really nice guy. ly cool, I feel totally happy, thereare theI’m interested in unscrupulous Kenywn:Yeah Coldplay, that sin-barefactsWho do you admire inare times in life when things are dif-musicians, people who gle is great, yet it doesn’t set thethe music business at theficult, in our band, like when you’vethe recordfamily/friends, greenare just as world on fire but I prefer somethingmoment? been on tour for 19 months andcompanies bad as those to be a little bit more passionate.Kenywn:I quite admire Paulyou haven’t had a proper breakare reallyissues, political at Camden They’ve written some good songs,Weller, he’s gone through so muchyou go a bit mental, especially withrich. market selling they’re a good band. There’s someand he’s been there for so long andall the partying that goes on asbarefactsthings. bootlegs of good dance music but not a lot of it.he’s still writing good tunes andwell, you’ve also got to work realVery true, gigs. It’s The problem is people think theyhe’s still himself and a good guy athard it can get you down, the joythere will not be as many artistsembarrassing what Metallica have can get a computer and makeheart as well. He was the first bigwe get from making music togeth-coming through. done though isn’t it? music. There’s loads of shit danceact to take us on tour. We wereer. I woke up this morning andKenywn:Yeah and it’s just a waybarefactsyeah. music, it’s like really easy to makespoilt by him, you know we used tothought I’m really happy to beof ripping people’s music off really.Kenywn:I mean how rich are they, shit dance music. It’s quite difficultskin up together, you know eatworking with these guys in theI mean it’s different from just tap-for fuck sake, do you know what I to make a decent track. together, a good laugh. When weband, more so than any other per-ing, as one tape is in real time, 40mean, if you are trying to protect barefactsMany people who havestarted supporting other bandsson in this country. Even if weminutes of music takes 40 minutes,young artists then maybe I’d have heard of Reef will only know ‘Placeafter Paul Weller we realised howweren’t signed I’d say that. but you can download what yousome sympathy but I’ve got none Your Hands’, does that bother you? well Paul had treated us, I meanbarefactsNot like Oasis then. want then burn it off onto CD.with them. Kenywn:Well everyone’s knownthe Rolling Stones didn’t even sayKenywn:No. Personally I’m worried but I’m notbarefactsRadiohead have gone for that most famous hit single toa word to us. barefactsWhat are your interestsworried in the big scheme of thingsagainst that view anyway. date. barefactsHow did you actuallyoutside of music? Are you into any-as freedom of expression andKenywn:Good. barefactsYeah but you’ve done aform Reef? Did you meet at col-thing in particular? information is more important thanbarefactsok, thanks mate. lot of better stuff, and you’re onlylege? Kenywn:It depends really. I don’tbeing individually rich, but it’sKenywn:ok, cheers. known for the one track. Kenywn:Yeah, me and Domhave much time, I’m interested inunfortunate that it won’t be the big Kenywn:We are proud of all the(drummer) met as friends, that gui- Record Reviews 10 16/11/00 N.M.

HEDROCK VALLEY BEATS - Coming Single of the Week Thru (Infectious) Singles YORK - Farewell To The Moon Coming Thru is a fast moving, pulsating hip-(Manifesto) hop track with Chemical Brothers style mix-By rights York should have been NUROTICA – Separate Minds (Scarleting. Frankie Kane (DJ) keeps saying ‘onceanother faceless dance act to dis- Records) again I hear you coming thru my stereo’ andappear the minute a hit reared it’s They sound rather like a cross betweenas always there’s a really annoying samplehead, having seen their Chris Suede and Subcircus without being a patchall the way through. The Arthur Baker (of(dior)Rhea sampling ‘On The on either band. Whilst they’re dark broodingclassic 70’s disco hits fame) remix is veryBeach’ crash into the charts earli- songs are quite good they don’t seem tosimilar. 4/10 N.M. er this year. But, like Darude, they been realized energetically enough, leaving refuse to leave and strike again the songs fighting for life and losing. 6/10 I.P.WAY OUT WEST – The Fall with essentially the same formula. By “musically inventive” the press releaseBut it’s a goodformula, and this SIX BY SEVEN - Eat Junk Become Junkobviously means, take a decent 6 year oldtime there’s no sample from a naff (Mantra) tune, strip away as much variation as possi-bearded eighties bloke. Summer This track sounding like a cross betweenble, put a relentless beat on and put on dulltrance complete with a video Primal Scream and the Sex Pistols unleash-and repetitive vocals. It’s the kind of recordshoot in Ibiza (probably) included, es a squall of loud guitars and fuzz bass. It’sthat you can skip entire chunks and still haveguaranteed to take your mind off certainly an in your face track and is aboutperfect continuation. 3/10 I.P. impending Christmas overload for food abuse of all things. Fairly average. 5/10 at least a few weeks. 9/10 A.T.

Earth Mother – Jaki The sad Earth Mother people think that it is Album of the Weekstill 1989, bless them! The trouble with this belief is that 1989 was pretty bad musically. SPICE GIRLS - Forever (Virgin) Dance music wanted to be taken seriously, Albums ‘Forever’ is a collection of heavily pro- so out went happy hardcore breaks and in duced ballads and R&B style tunes. came string arrangements. This might be Production is tight and most noticeable on the sort of track that those London types funkier tracks like “Holler” and “Right Back play in their super clubs were it not for the fact that no-body listens to cheesy house. at Ya”. The Spice Girls have grown up; This weeks reviews brought to you by: unfortunately this has meant girl power Earth Mother, please do not think that your music will fulfil you, it didn’t me. More timeAndrew Thomas, Ian Purvey, Rio P, anthems like “Wannabe” and “Spice up Alex Reed, & Nigel Martin. Your Life” have been sacrificed in favour of should be spent on finding the sources of more ballads. I presume this is a reaction inspiration which made house, and not on to the success of arch-rivals Westlife. It’s a reproducing the same formulaic Prozac sub- shame, as these were the songs that pro- stitute. 4/10 R.P. vided the bite so sorely missing from this record. Some things will never change: Melanie B continues to ruin pleasant Recommended songs with her brash, unrefined rapping style. A distinctly more serious record than both ‘Spice’ and ‘Spice World’ the Spice NORTH MISSISSIPPI ALL- Girls have succeeded in targeting ‘Forever’ at an older market. Good in the main, if a lit-STARS – Shimmy She Wobble tle disappointing in places. Destined to be a success at Christmas. 7/10 A.R. (Blanc Y Negro) They’re not making great leaps ROBOTS IN DISGUISE - Mix Up Wordscoming straight out of an Atari probably.forward and making revolution- And Sounds (Splinter) ‘Cycle Song’ follows up as mid eightiesary new tunes, however they’re The cover artwork presents two rejects fromstomp, not unlike New Order, complete withcountry blues really is an incredi- mid eighties Grange Hill with a Bowie fixa-fizzy synths and a relentless basic drum ably good listen. The tracks all tion. The first track features fake robotisedmachine beat. Like White Town but replac-have the same gutair style mak- voices introducing the cd. Just before youing the fat old man with two teenage girlsing the tracks satisfyingly consis- feel moved to throw it out of the windowand their older brothers hand me down com-tent. The vocals are clear and however, ‘Postcards From…’ kicks in, anputer equipment. 7/10 A.T. meant to be easily decipherable electro lo-fi ballad with tinny drum loops unlike many bands, 7/10 I.P. Pure EnergyBring On The Noise! Mahamodo/Trayscrape/Fire Apple Red Mansun @ Shepherd’s Bush Empire, 4/11/2000 @ Islington Red Eye, 10/11/2000 Five years since Mansun burstwise droning sneering vocal. somewhat intriguingly he has toGuitar strings broken, drum kit bro-somewhat more ambiguous theme onto the scene with the electrically share the song with ex-indie-near-ken, three songs in and it’s notof national paranoia (‘Bring On The charged ‘Take It Easy Chicken’,Returning to this aforementionedly-were’s Strangelove.looking good for BelgianNoise’). There’s still a humour they’re in a curious position. Backcurious position, in a Britain of everNotwithstanding this, in the liveskatepunks Fire Apple Red. Theabout it all though, scratch DJ then, taking it not so easy with astagnating guitar music, Mansunarena it realises the epic preten-mohican haired lead singer takes it‘Baron Greenback’ grinning rampaging herd of unrelentinglyare indeed in a peculiar position.sions that it painfully lacked onin his stride, you get the impres-throughout as if in a Steps video. marvellous EP’s there was never aHaving renegaded on the exces-record. Agonisingly, this is thesion this has happened before,One band who are very serious danger of ‘disappointing u’. Livesively experimental quasi-brillianceexception to the rule and dispers-and leads the drummer into aabout being angry though are shows of blinding energy wereof Six, in this mini-era of Mansuning further from the Mansun blue-freestlye rap session whilst theMahamodo. Despite the lead delivered with the poise and posereflection and Bowie-isms, whilstprint of times gone by, and as you’llother members battle with thesinger looking like a less chunky of greatness, and intercepted by astill epic, there is a feeling of con-recall live shows of blinding ener-equipment. Back online and we getFred Durst this is not nu-metal. squadron of intellectually starvingformity. Songs sound like, erm,gy, in the flesh Mansun seem toshort sharp songs about jumpingThis is in fact very old metal. The youths desperate to devour theproper songs and melodies bubbledrag the energy and passion out ofaround and drinking. Not astonish-vocals are shaking the floor, the ambiguity of what may have beenaround as if Draper has given uptheir work, going through theingly original but then again, sinceriffs have dropped off the back of very clever lyrics; no-one couldon being difficult, when really theremotions to enervate the faithfulwhen was this kind of music? NextNailbomb’s tourbus, and it is far really tell. And there were thecouldn’t have been a better time forwith tired reworkings. up are Surrey’s answer to Ragefrom good. Indecipherable lyrics bouncingly good tunes to boot.it. Against The Machine. Fronted by(presumably about some kind of And of course DM’s were all the Mansun are still masterful convey-the scary older brothers ofpain) are delivered as if the lead rage back then. There was a diffi-As for the proceedings proper, aors of thought for the different ofPJ&Duncan this is rap-metal with asinger should be sat on the toilet cult second album complete withrather headless ‘...Chicken’ pecks,mind and fine exponents of bal-considered edge and what’s more,with a bad case of constipation. an average 666 tunes per numberI mean gets, things going, but nev-looning guitar work, but hopefullyit’s good. The anger is directiveJust because you wear a baseball (each an ode to the beauty ofertheless brings about a fervour ofjust a little tired tonight. rather than in the ‘everything’s-cap and baggy pants it doesn’t insurrection) and there was a theo-crowd appreciation. Bowie rears shit-so-let’s-shout’ mould of Limpmake you new, effectively this is a ry that indeed their was a subver-his head most convincingly in theDaniel Jones Bizkit, targets of grief includingcase of same shit different day. sively beautiful content to Draper’schorus of ‘Electric Man’, though celebrity culture (‘Clothed’) and theAndrew Thomas 16/11/00 Live Reviews 11

An interview with Man Or Astroman Spaced Out!by Simon Robinson Under the names of Coco theend Birdstuff replies he is a “randymusic’.” Coming from Atlanta theythis statement seriously. This ised to “choose something ridicu- Electronic Monkey, Blazar thegristle frilled old man”. In 1994are not big surfers and so beingbecause MOAM are very seriouslous”. They consider themselves Probe Handler, Trace Reading andwhen Birdstuff was a “punk arsedcompared to surf rock has baffledabout their music. Although nowa-to be such “geeky nerdy people In Birdstuff, this Atlanta four-piecekid” he wrote to Peel and askedthem. So to has the recent reviewsdays they have other side projects,real life, so to have personas is seemed as if they were from anoth-him to stop playing their stuff onof the new album ‘A Spectrum ofwhen they do come together as amuch more interesting to have on er planet. So are they then Men or“your lousy radio show”. FromInfinite Scale’, saying that it holdsband they only play stuff they arestage.” They find it very difficult to Astro-men? then on he is very grateful for Johntrue to their rockability roots.“totally enthralled about” where thebe the rock star personas their “not taking my advice” as he saysBirdstuff claims they have “no cluemusic is “precedent” over every-supposed to be it is “nice to have Upon arriving at the venue I waitedthe best thing about what they do ishow to play rockability music”. Forthing else. some fesaud to hide behind”. I outside the door to be let in when“getting paid well for something weMOAM “music is a kind of a sound- guess what MOAM choose to hide two slight American fellows alsoenjoy”. track to something”, they want toIt turns out MOAM were not out ofbehind is not important. As they knocked on the door. It turns out use their music to be the “sound-costume but they are just who theysay themselves music is the that these two “geeky nerdy peo-If you haven’t heard MOAM beforetrack of all things scientific”. At “theseem. They only have those“precedent” and it certainly sounds ple” (as they themselves put it) areit would be very difficult to describenext sheep cloning we’ll be playingnames because they neededlike they take that seriously. indeed the band that I have cometheir sound as they themselvesin the background in the geneti-something to go “in the liner notes to meet. I don’t know if I haveadmit to their sound being ancists pit.” The trouble is they takefor the album in 1993” s they decid- caught them out of costume, but“amalgamation” of each members they appeared to be completelytaste. Coco the Electronic Monkey normal and not one of them resem-is into “weird ambient music and bled an Electronic Monkey (what-beyond”, Blazar the Probe Handler ever one looks like anyway) but Iis into “hip hop and electronica”, guess you cant be in costume all ofTrace Reading is into the 60’s the time anyway. sound of “garage rock, surf and psychedelia” and Birdstuff is into Man or Astro-man (MOAM) are not“American indie rock”. With all a new band, they have beenthese sounds combined MOAM around (relative to others) for amake music containing huge cine- long time and yet over here andmatic soundscapes with sonic across the waters they still remainequations, surf twang, garage rock relatively little. In fact they say (likeand weird B-movie bleeps that are many bands before) that “Johnimpossible to pin down. Peel is one of the reasons why our band exists over here.” That is theMOAM although are very “pleased” reason why they are currentlywith the reviews they have been doing this tour so they can record areceiving, they are quick to dispel live Peel show, as it is “hard tothe links to garage and surf rock. keep a profile over here”. They say that “young bands in the early 60’s in California were related It is not the first session they haveto surfing and so it became the the recorded with Peel. In all theysoundtrack to surfing” their music have recorded around “95 minutes“got associated to their hobby. If of Peel sessions” and on askingthey had been doing knitting it what they think of our national leg-would have been called ‘knit Live 12 16/11/00 SmashTastic Smashing Pumpkins Northern Stars Wembly Arena North Mississippi All Stars / Mo Solid Gold @ Surrey Students Union, 12/11/2000 3rd November 2000 He got tha funk. He wants you to have the funk asauthentic musicianship for you. No point listening to well. Mo Solid Gold’s frontman is nothing if energetic,the lyrics, we’re here to listen to fourty minutes of The vast booming soundscape of the electro synths intro paths the waya whirlwind of spins, jiggles and pelvic thrusts. Hisexpertly executed guitar riffery, three sixty degree for the arrival of the Pumpkins but to the more disconcerting fan it mayvocal is distinctive, a strong James Brown call com-drumming, and bass that not so much runs as sprints. seem as an omen to the night ahead and so leaves us with a very inter-plete with grunts and the occasional “uh”! The musicThere’s a wah wah washboard solo halfway through, esting mindset. veers from funk to indie with grooving guitar and key-we’re not sure why, then it’s back to the jam. As a Some might say that it's a game of two halves but for others tonight isboard riffs having more than a little in common withband sat in the corner of a shady shack in middle of a game of two minds or rather should I say one, Billy Corgan's. Spiritualised. A band to be felt as much as listened to.nowhere America playing whilst “Hank” and “Todd” The schizophrenic nature of his mind even shines in tonight's perform-In contrast North Mississippi All Stars do not have thedown JD it probably makes more sense. Here, how- ance with it black and white or dark and light approach to the list offunk. NMAS have the blues. Not your run of the mill,ever, it’s irritating after twenty minutes and after thirty tonight's events. Its even emphasized in his dress code, white (later to be“my ex wife ran over my dawg”, style blues though,you’re quite prepared to tell the guitar virtuoso exactly black) trousers and dress combined to give off that straight jacket look. this is altogether more upfront and energy charged.where he can stick his bottle neck slider. The first half of the evening is subject to the acoustic noise machine thatOkay, so the 7ft extra-large bassist has his instrument is the white Billy Corgan playing the classics such as Today, Bullet Withso high it’s practically in his armpit but hey, that’sAndrew Thomas Butterfly Wings, and Crestfallen whilst deliberately making them sound so obscure that maybe you won't notice them. It is at these times that the band seem dishearten but eventually their shells come off and it's a full scale offence on the eardrums which initiates the black/dark times of Billy Corgan. Everything tonight is interlaced with different solos or noise that one does not hear a moment of peace. Stars In Their Dives Heavy Metal Machine, and Ava Man or Astro-man?, London Garage, 7/11/2000 Adore are riotous noise fusions mellowing down to the subtle but Quick run for cover, women and twang roots. MAOM finish with the heavy Tonight, Tonight and children first, go save yourself theMOAM don’t say or sing muchfinal track off their new album Porcelain aliens have landed. The Astro-throughout the gig they just rip roar(which has a title too long to write Tonight was a splattering of every- man experience has arrived andthrough tracks off their new instru-down). With its cinematic sound- thing from Siamese Dream to with them they have brought theirmental album ‘A Spectrum ofscapes it is like the final explosion Machina 2 but alas nothing from prolific sonic equations, weird B-Infinite Scale’. They start withsequence in a action movie, Gish which was upsetting as it movie bleeps and well, just noise‘Song of the two-mile linear particlelaunching you out of the venue and was there penultimate gig in the and lots of it. The American four-accelerator’ and quite frankly itsback to the reality of the rainy UK. piece although claiming to be fromlike being shot down the barrelstreets of Islington leaving you very It was a night for the experi- Atlanta look out of this world, wear-yourself. The chaos continues withbemused and bewildered and mental and indulgence for the ing goggles that Neil Armstrong‘Trapezium’ and ‘within one uni-thinking you’ve just been where no Pumpkins and could be seen in would be jealous of and backed upverse there are millions’ whichman has gone before. two ways; a) a pile of s**t or b) by visual screens displaying whatalthough hold true to the science brilliant. one would imagine the beginningfictitiousness of the show, alsoSimon Robinson Kevin Marston of the universe looking like. shows MOAM’s garage rock, surf 16/11/00 Life, Gossip, & the Universe 13 Nice People Busy Being Nice To Each Other. Sort Of... This week’s two OFU films areTruman’s suspicions grow, so hescruples they never knew they “The Truman Show” (Sunday), andbecomes progressively more mys-had, deep in enemy territory and in “Three Kings” (Monday). Universitytified and dejected. the grip of a Arts Cinema is screening “8MM”. ceasefire. The war is portrayed as (Wednesday). Demonstrating that Carrey’s actinga disturbed and disturbing chaos, repertoire extends beyond goonishwhere drunken celebration and “The Truman Show” is `Witness`rubberface antics, “The Trumanhorror jostle side by side, some- director Peter Weir’s involving andShow” is a first and foremost how-what reminscent of the USO absorbed fantasy: what if one manever a pointed and heartfelt com-sequence in Coppola’s were to live, entirely isolated frommentary on the nature of media“Apocalypse Now”. reality, wholly unaware that hisand the ghoulish obsession with entire life had in fact been staged`real-life` entertainment, for audi-David (“Spanking The Monkey”) O as a primetime TV show? ences to hungrily consume as theirRussell’s script and direction here own lives slowly unravel towardsis without compromise, wearing his Jim Carrey’s Truman Barbecktheir inevitable conclusion.morality on his sleeve as he leads the perfect life: a content andOutlandish as the key scenarioattacks the US’s callous and overly pleasurable existence as that pillarmay seem, it’s not too difficult topragmatic actions during the Gulf of community, an insurance sales-draw a line from here to JerryWar. It is not a reflex-action anti- man. A loving and devoted wife, aSpringer. Or at least, it wouldn’t bewar movie, and it does not send loyal best friend, a stress-free workif he hadn’t been taken off the air.the message that combat is futile; environment. No paranoia, notHeh. but neither does it pull punches in drinking too much, and so on. attacking the cynicism of encour- Monday sees hairs everywhereaging Iraqi civil revolt against However, Truman is not as dumbrise as Mark Wahlberg, GeorgeHussein, and then outright declin- as the hordes behind the scenes ofClooney, and Ice Cube star in theing to support it, as had been his idyllic little bubble believe, andoverlooked Gulf War drama,promised. Poetry Corner he begins to catch on to the true“Three Kings”. Largely dismissed nature of his situation when heon release as a thinly-veiled con-Agitprop aside - and Russell is by Anuraj Gumshta begins to find that everyone in thetemporary rehash of the 60s Clintsure not to allow his pointed state- Where vision stops itself town seems to be working againstEastwood feature “Kelly’s Heroes”,ment to overflow into sermonizing allowing him to leave. Ever. Asthere is in fact much more to it thanas he drives the story along - out of the fear of unbound ambition another “roguish“Three Kings” is an intelligent and American soldierssophisticated movie, the first to where destiny threatens being comatose head into warzone todeal maturely with relatively mod- where the rainbows of desire retrieve booty of war”ern American combat, and a pro- story. found experience. modify themselves into mud splashed blots where suffering accumulates The script doesn’t playWednesday sees University Arts down the fraught andCinema screening Joel like unpaid debts divisive politics of theSchumacher’s “8MM”, starring the weathered heart situation - or the vio-Nicholas Cage. lence. Horror of war is which dreamt of blossoming portrayed in a neces-Sorry. becomes like an experimental animal sarily graphic fashion-this week’s column was written by as our gold-diggingCharles Dickens, who has seven anaesthetized and unconscious 8mmgrunts discover morallegs.

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WANTTOPRACTISEGETTINGYOUR Notices LEGOVER? You may have seen postersdoors down if you like. Filip is a Central Committee springing up around campusbouncy bald guy, originally from Thursday 16th November advertising the first Emotive (stu-Belgium, an ex-dancer with dent dance company) event thisRandom Dance Company, and semester: a dance workshop. Filiphe’s a real character so you can be (pronounced Phil-eep) Van Huffel,sure the day will be a good laugh. AGM’s Artistic Director of Retina DanceIt doesn’t matter whether you havedo with the saving is up to you!). Ifdance performances, create Company (an Anglo-Belgian con-done ballet since you could toddleyou want more info contact us bymusic, lighting or costumes for Wednesday 22nd temporary dance group based inor the closest you’ve come to emaildance pieces, and those of you November London) will be leading the one-dancing was last nodding your([email protected]) orwho might want to choreograph, day workshop on Saturday 2ndhead to the beat whilst queuing at Trampolining AGM leave a note in the Emotive pigeonperform on the Union stage, in 6.30pm. UniSport Tap Room December. Filip will teach a livelyHari’s bar last Friday - the work-hole in the Union foyer. HRB, or for prospective students and fun class then choreograph ashop is suitable for beginners toP.S. at UCAS days...the possibilities dance using the movements creat-professionals. This workshopEmotive aim to encourage interestare endless, all we need are peo- Thursday 23rd ed during the day, to be shown atwould cost you anything from £25and participation in all kinds ofple who are enthusiastic about Novemberr an informal performance at theupwards in London but with sup-dance activities and we want todance so drop us a line and find Golf Club AGM end of the day (approx. 5pm) toport from the Union we are able tohear from people who want to takeout more. 6pm Roots which you can invite friends,offer the workshop to you for onlypart in workshops, write dance housemates and the old lady three£4- a massive saving (what youreviews, come on trips to seeMichaela Lucking

oping country, access of computers is usu- ally in every household, and the girls of Bali A Look on the Outsideare fond of riding Yamahas and Hondas, that being a necessity as the surest means Hello Bali There is a wide mixture of religions here,mountains like the Batur and Agum withof transport!! If you could earn £200/- per month in Bali,Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and Hinduism.shrines on the tops are other frequently vis- Indonesia you could afford a decent lifestyleThe currency used is the same in all theseited places. There are two major festivals inNarrated by MSc students Dewi and Putri for a family of four. Though a major touristdifferent islands and each is ruled by a gov-Bali; the first being the Art Festival every attraction, Bali is not the capital city ofernor. Politically it follows democracy, thereJune and July where inter-country exhibi- Indonesia, Jakarta takes this place.are 5 yearly elections and the Presidenttions take place and a variety of art Basically a peace loving populace residesalong with the ministers rule the country. Itforms like music, dance, painting here, the major language being Balinese.got its independence on 17th August 1945and sculpture come in the lime- after a war with the light. The next major festival is the It follows the 'caste-system' due to the HinduJapanese. Though the country is faced withburning of an evil giant whose pro- influence; the major being.. economic and political crisis, Bali remainscession is carried out throughout Brahmanas - the teachers untouched and serene and is favourablythe city and is called Ogoh Ogoh. Kshatriyas - the warriors called by all as the 'last paradise of earth'. It is quite symbolical in its attempt Vaishyas - the traders to signify the victory of truth Kshudras-the class in service of all theThere are beautiful places of interest like theand purity over the demonical upper three Kuta and the Jimbaran beaches wheredarkness of ignorance and false- windsurfing is a popular sport. Picturesquehood. Though considered a devel- Life, Gossip, & the Universe 16/11/00 17

Big Sister LIFEAFTER We have really managed to upset a poor brave lad who walked a sizes were heard as well?!! It THE GMAS over the last week....why girl five miles home in the hope of can’t be that small? Still foot- are you so bothered...its a bit of some rumpy pumpy only to get ballers were always known for it! fun, we thought you’d be glad of the door slammed in his face. WOMB the publicity! If you can’t stand the Was the five mile trek back just as Apologies have been recieved to heat, well you know the rest. fun? the poor girl who ran away after by Rich W Perhaps you would like to supply hearing two men up to no good in us with gossip from the other So Amstell, caught in bed with the bushes last week. These guys music societies that way we are two blondes how do you explain say they had never seen a girl We are all, for the most part, students, and as students we both happy. that one away, luckily one was move so quick in all their lives. have a common cause and belief spreading through our your girlfriend. Perhaps you’ll get Next time stick around and like ranks, preaching its valid gospel with certainty and knowl- Not just upsetting GMAS but also lucky at the next effort. Do you Amstell there may be a chance edge: an unwritten agreement, if you will, in our life-style con- a couple of girls from last weeks really want a threesome that for a threesome! tracts; an underlying consensus that everyone accepts and article....we just get supplied with badly? adheres to; a belief that has no recriminations; a (if you’ll par- the gossip remember that, we Keep it coming don the expression) nuclear weapon in the world of pacifism; can’t be responsible for what Union on Friday had its fair share [email protected]. a nomadic fish in the carnivorous environment of a deli- other people want to broadcast of tears and tantrums. Demands We are still aware of what you are catessen; a posh spice in the world of street children; an about you perhaps like GMAS for more cheesey music aren’t up to. american presidential candidate in an election of certainty you too could become an being upheld. Are you listening and fate; a middle finger that solitarily finds itself in the fully informer. union? Tinks & Winks vertical position and is happy with that; it could even be an extended metaphor that stretches itself just that little too far, So onto the real news, there was Demands to know about phallic almost to the point where it really should have just stuck with being a simile.

In short, it is a conviction that finds itself unceremoniously Horoscopes by Arcane Alii ostracised, unashamedly berated and unjustifiably Horoscopes reproached until there is nothing left to take from it but a dead carcass and a tramp that was a bit hungry. Scorpio Oct 24th- Nov 22nd for Xmas last year. Leo July 24th- Aug 23rd Catch up with some old friends thisLucky exercise: Pec dec If your name begins with the letter So, what is this belief and how can it afford itself such atten- week and gossip for hours. All that ‘A’ then you shall have the most fan- tion? Well, it is the belief that everything should be at a dis- laughter will do wanders for your Aries Mar 21st- April 20th tastic week this week filled with counted price with an NUS card and, of course, it deserves stomach muscles! laughter, joy and money. (Oh, and all the attention it gets -we’re bloody students, don’t you Lucky exercise: sit-ups Time to write you Christmas list! Youalcohol of course) know? know they’ll never buy you whateverLucky exercise: shopping Sagittarius Nov 23rd- Dec 21st you put on it but its fun to make a It is truly a sad fact, but student life is often assumed to be Aquarians had most of the action wish list. Virgo Aug 24th- Sept 23rd (by those who do not live it) one long doss, involving hun- over the last couple of weeks but Lucky exercise: Cycling A great week is also in store for all dreds of drunken nights out, promiscuous sex with relative this week its your turn. Brush those you virgos out there. Get out of your strangers and experimentation with numerous illegal sub- teeth and pucker up. Taurus April 21st- May 21st room and start having some fun. You stances, be they liquid or solid; basically, anything that does- Lucky exercise: Press-up Well done for helping the environ- love to socialize and you’re great at n’t involve sitting at a desk and doing some work in order to ment last week. This week try and it. accredit oneself with a degree. Capricorn Dec 22nd- Jan 20th do your bit for charity by auctioningLucky exercise: lifting a pint Brush the cobwebs off that old violinoff yourself to anyone who is willing Which is, of course, not true. you found under your bed and signto pay for the privilege of you beingLibraSept 24th- Oct 23rd up for the uni orchestra, its time yourtheir slave for a day. Stay in and spend some much need- And so, as if this wasn’t bad enough, these people (whom I talents were noticed. Lucky exercise: chin-ups ed time on you studies this week. would like to refer to as ‘numb-skulls’, but won’t do for fear of Lucky exercise: scales You know you have been neglecting recrimination) then have the audacity to claim that we ,as the (on the violin!) Gemini May 22nd- June 21st them recently and other people have student population, want everything for nothing and aren’t As Gemini’s tend to have a split per-noticed too. happy unless we can get a discount on something, implying Aquarius Jan 21st- Feb 19th sonality you may be in two minds Lucky exercise: writing that we, as a section of society, are cheap-skates. Now you’ve sorted out your oral about a dilemma this week. Trust hygiene you can get back out there.you instincts and do what YOU think Now, I’m not sure about you, but I find that strange - these That doesn’t mean however that youis right. It’ll all work out ok. people are, after all, the exact same people as those you find should go so far as to place an ad inLucky exercise: weight lifting shopping in Argos on a Saturday afternoon, and, let’s be hon- the union personals column! est here, Argos isn’t exactly of the highest quality, is it? So Lucky exercise: running Cancer June 22nd- July 23rd you see - therein lies the dichotomy: we have ourselves the Now you’ve had your head shaved working population, who bring grievances upon themselves Pisces Feb 20th- Mar 20th (as I told you to last week) you are by moaning about their tax issues and money that they do Not such a great week this time. advised to invest in a warm bobble not have to spend, moaning in turn about students who them- Deadlines are mounting and you justhat to protect your vulnerable head selves have little money and hence would like to save it can’t seem to get organized. from the bitter cold weather. wherever possible. Perhaps now is the time to Start Lucky exercise: treadmill using that diary Granny bought you Working people wanting to pay less taxes, students wanting to pay less generally. Personals Chip’s ColumnErrmm, yes. So that’s it, we are two groups of people at odds with one - beware the top-caps of equality does....that'll www.analretention.org/chips/No.1 another, both wanting the same thing, and as far as I can f**kin' learn ya... see, there is only one solution. -Pinky Louise loves Willyburgers www.retentive.anal/chips/always -Donna, stop laughing! Some people The only way to sort out the problem is this: get everyone in -Stand back in amazement as are trying to sleep! www.battychips.prick the world, sit them down at a very big table and let them order Shaggy performs his five knuckle www.guinessworldrecordforanalretention.com/chips shuffle of justice. -Ali.P. - You are fantastic and making the Pizza Hut “all-you-can-eat-buffet” - the best meal-deal you could ever find. Everyone gets to eat as much as they someone extremely happy, ME www.doyouknowwhoitisyet.up/analretentive - A big "How you doin'" to the Clinton possibly can (hence the all-you-can-eatbit) and they don’t Cards Girl -GL - Great ball control!! [email protected] even have to buy a drink - the water is free. So everyone sits down and eats a nice cheap meal, happy and content in the -Why does a hare, hare about- but a-Anecdote boy and his Chris, Nath www.analtoiletlover.com/chips.html knowledge that, for those two hours at least, they are co- round does not roundabout ? - the dancing queen, lighweight Kier, habiting in a relaxed, joyous place with those they normally DRUNK QUESTIONS LTD. the Chief, luminous bra girl and the www.howanallyretentivedoyouhavetobetolockyour- abhor; and so maybe, just maybe, the students will turn to the queen carrot peeler - lets all do it selfinthetoilets/hahachipsyouplonker.org -EL CHUPACABRAS (find a Spanishagain! workers, and the workers will turn to the students, and they translator) is back !! Lock up your www.toilets_R_us/analretention/chips.asp will all embrace, no-one really quite sure which person is a goats ! -Sub...... Kez is Reddy for ya!!! student or which is a worker. [email protected]

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Dr Russ

Dear Russ you will get to know everyone, and, if you really want to make a mark, you'll I can't decide whether to work for ahave to prove yourself in competition large or a small employer. Can youwith other graduates who start at the advise me? same time as you.

Dear Stavros If you imagine yourself working in these two quite different environments, you There are some crucial differencesmay feel a natural affinity for one orWhat is Millennium Volunteers allTescos underpass safe. Why not repre- between the two. First of all, smalleranother. There is a lot of personal pref-about? sent volunteers’ opinion and ideas, help organisations usually recruit graduateserence involved, and, at the end of theMillennium Volunteers is aimed at gettingwith marketing or organising a celebration for a specific job. This means that theyday, you are going to be the best judgeyoung people involved in their community.event – IT’S ALL VOLUNTEERING! expect you to drop into your role fairlyof where you would be happiest. If you’re still reading this, you’re probably quickly and begin to make a contribution thinking volunteering is all about old peo-What Commitment Do I Have To right away. It also means that they do ple talking about the war, but you’reGive? not expect to have to invest a lot of timeDr Russ wrong! VOLUNTARY WORK IS ANY-You need to complete 100 hours! You or money in your training. In terms of THING!!! If you are DJ-ing, dancing, draw-may be thinking that this sounds a lot, but developing your career, ing or offering your services for free for theit really isn’t! You’ve got a year to complete this is not entirely pre- benefit of others-THAT’S VOLUNTEER-it. This includes travel, meetings, organi- dictable. It can vary ING. sation of events, the event itself, even talk- between rising rapidly to ing to me! It all counts! a senior position as Why Should I Want a Certificate? posts above you become It shows employers that you made a com-OK so What Do I Need to Do Now? vacant and being stuck mitment to volunteering. The governmentIf you are interested give me a ring on in the same job for has approached employers throughout the819363 (internal) or e-mail me longer than you would country to make them aware of the [email protected]. like. Depending on the cance of the certificate. They’re alsoIT REALLY IS EASY! size of the firm, you may working closely with the Association of get to know nearly every- Graduate Recruiters to raise awareness. one who works there. So it will look great on your CV! You could become a pretty big fish in a small What Do I Have to Do? pool. Get involved in a society, placement, or think of your own idea! What you would Larger organisations, on like to change? For instance making the the other hand, may well recruit you onto a gradu- ate development pro- gramme which offers structured training. Some also allow rotation VACANCIES between different jobs before you commit to one FULL TIME & PART TIME or another. Your career development is more predictable than it would EVENINGS, WEEKENDS LUNCH be in a smaller organisa- tion, though you do, of TIMESHOURS TO SUIT course, have to perform well as a pre-requisite to promotion. It is unlikely BENEFITS INCLUDE FREE MEALS, CAR PARKING, HOLIDAY PAY, BONUSES Cindy’s Minibus Every Monday Night Leaving Chancellors between 10pm –11.30pm £5.62 per Hour* Pick up from Cindie’s between 1.15am –2.30am (Fri, Sat and Sun evenings after 6pm) Hazel Farm £4.50 per Hour Every Wednesday and Friday Night (Starting rate at all other times) Pick Up at Hazel Farm Bus stop (Senate University) 1.45am –2.45am Burger King North Street Burger King Ladymead Retail Park (By the A3/Wooden Bridge) Guildford Drop in and fill in an application form today! Speak to Kyle (Duty Manager) Phone 01483-539822 16/11/00 Sport 19 SurreySurrey PridPridee Sporting Dinghy Nationals

The time of year has come round again for the student dinghy nationals. The best sailing and social event of Vernaculerthe sailing clubs year. With a maximum 5 boats entered and some promising sailors among the team we looked I know you are all busyI would like to say thanks togood. sports men and women but itsthe Trampoline Club for their clearly stated in Barefacts thatarticle this week. Well done toSetting out for Plymouth at 11am Friday morning with the sun shining we were hopeful of a good weekend. After the deadline is 12pm Monday.all concerned. Congratulationsa delay when the axle on one of our trailers broke and left us with two boats stuck on the side of the road near It also says that articlesare also due to Sailing.Yeovil, we arrived in Plymouth 11 hours after leaving Guildford! should be submitted on disk.Cheers also to Mountain You can do so either on floppyWalking for the continuedThe weather on Friday night didn’t look promising so we headed straight for the pub. On waking up Saturday or Zip disk and you can alsoefforts. morning no one was surprised to find racing for the day cancelled due to wind speeds of up to 40 knots. To submit by attaching a Word Finaly keep your eyesrelieve peoples disappointment (some people were still up for going out for a sail – Richard!!) we went to a local document to an e-mail. Itspeeled for a new mini seriesgreasy spoon for breakfast and then spent the afternoon ten pin bowling. The evening was spent playing drink- quite simple realy, even for“Chops or Mince?” where I willing games in the pub. We don’t appear to have mastered the wonderful world of mucky pints quite like the hock- sporting types. be doing a few “Try Its” whichey club since one of our lot covered the table with his pint along with most of his dinner, how Paul got into a So keep up with the articlesshould guarantee to see meboat the next day is beyond me! We continued the evening at Plymouth Union for more drinking, a few excep- (photos are also very wel-beaten to a pulp. tions noted!!! come) but get it done in time! Anyway with my moan over,Chops. Sunday held more promise with the sun out and a reasonable breeze. We obtained some very credible results with Andrew Commander getting a 4th and 5th in the first two races and reaching 9th overall in the Laser class. In our laser 2 squad, Tim Cutsforth and Sally Cooper finished 7th overall after getting a 10th, 11th in races 1 and 2 and leading race 3 before a wind shift lost them 1st place. Emma Burchell and Richard Fruehmann improved on their race 1 position of 29th to get 13th in race two and finishing in 17th overall. Dave Annan and Paul Simmonds and Erwan Juin and Phillip Thornborough, our two fresher teams, finished in 37th and 62nd respectively after finishing all races.

All in all a brilliant weekend for everyone, with some very successful sailing. Next weekend is the Reading Wet Dream team racing event.

Oliver King MW in Guildford Peaks

Despite warnings of more badclub in T-shirts (Mike and Maddie), Due to the storm, there were weather, the Mountain WalkingRichard was forced to remove hismany obstacles to our path in the Club braved the elements yetgloves! We enjoyed walkingform of fallen trees. We will never again on Sunday, choosing a shortaround Loseley House, navigatingforget the looks of disbelief on but adventurous walk out ofour way through a field of cowsEvan and Jose’s faces when they Guildford via the Hogsback todeteremined not to move out ofwere told to limbo under the fallen Compton returning by the Riverour way. This could have led to atree! Wey and Millmead, to see theshowdown, until Elaine instilled The Mountain Walking Club is destruction caused by the recentfear into the bravest members bypleased to welcome any new floods. her suggestion that cows couldmembers on any of our walks or Paths by the riverside were justrun faster than humans. We decid-social events, please e-mail passable, whilst slowly subsidinged not to test this theory. [email protected] into the river. Fortunately theenjoyed taking photos of Ben try-for more details. No experience weather was dry and sunnying to make friends with a cow. Henecessary! throughout the day, a perfectstill insists that the cow was English autumn day, crisp clearresponding to his overtures ofMM, MM, BT and cool. With two members of thefriendship...

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SAS SURFSHOWTOUR- HOUSESOFCOMMONS

The first stage in Bournemouthhad joined the tour adding tothere were enough of us to bemake any use of Britains (andon nothing more than attitude (issue 992) had been great andthe list of Lee Bartlett, Robcausing a blockage, so we allEuropes) waters, you can helptowards water pollution, the judging from the final stage,,Barber, Warren Llewellyn, Gutzmoved to a space that hadimprove water quality by join-Liberal Democrats seem to the whole SAS Surf Show TourGriffiths, Tracey Boxhall andmore room. Here the six foot must have been over a week ofSarah Whiteley who had beenshit could be displayed in it full successes. SAS members fromat Bournemouth. Also makingglory. Plenty more photo a range of water sports werean appearance, was Chrisopportunities were available out in full force, wetsuit includ-Hind who untill last year hadwhen a handful of MP’s turned ed, to bring the campaign forbeen the SAS leader since itsup for the press call. cleaner waters to the capitalformation ten years ago. Following the posing, the lob- and right to the center of the By this point, a large groupbying began in ernest. After political system. The demo/had gathered and the mediawhat seemed to be ages, we lobby at the Houses ofwas out in full force as well.got out of the cold and into the Commons was a great day andWith around half the membersHouses of Commons. After finished of the tour in style. wearing wetsuits, and a fairpassing through metal detec- After a nice relaxed start, IInumber brandishing boards,tors and bag scanners, I made found my way to the meetingthere was no shortage of fan-a request to speak to my MP place. Being early, only atastic images. If that wasn’t(Labour) and then proceeded dozen people were theregood enough, the trump cardto the grand debating room. Here Vicky Garner and Chris Hines chaired the meeting on behalf of the SAS, Chris Mullen, Under Secretary of State, spoke on behalf of the Government (Tony Blairs office having previously phoned through an official responce) I promised not to do the board meeting joke! and Thom Brake, Environment Spokesperson, for the Liberaling the SAS. They get results. have the most positive policy Democrats. Interestingly, noPreviously calls from recre-followed closely by Labour. Conservative MP’s were pres-ational water users forThe Conservatives don’t ent and they had only deemedimproved sewage treatmentappear to care. Not giving a the matter important enough towould have been dismissed.shit has rarely seemed so send a standard letter to twoNow the Government and theappropriate. SAS members. The letter cov-Liberal Democrats were agree- ered no details of planneding with revisions that the SASChops water treatment schemes butwant to be made to the EC instead tried to dismiss theBathing Waters Directive. MyFor more details and loads Governments efforts to reduceMP joined the lobby for a whilemore photos, check the club water pollution. Both Labourbefore having to leave. A lat-website The SAS shit gleams enticingly. and Liberal Democrats dis-ter request to speak with him(www.geocities.com/surrey- missed this as both two facedwas unsuccessful but he madesurf2/sasbournemouth.html) or already but it wasn’t longwas yet to be played. The leg-and unjust. the effort to get a message tothe SAS website before more people started toendary (in surfing circles any-The SAS campaign over theme that he was tied up in the(www.sas.org.uk). You can arrive. Soon the SAS gang ofway) six foot shit made a fash-last decade looks to be havingmeeting. I have since receivedjoin online or by speaking to champions arrived; Gabeionably late appearance. Ata real effect. If you surf, canoe,two letters from him. If youme (e-mail Davies (2x British Champion)this stage in the proceedings,dive, swim, water ski, fish orbase your Political [email protected]).

TRAMPOLINETEAMGETSGOLD

Late one cold Friday night, thejust after last orders!First from the ladies team was28th overall. Jo. Surrey University Trampoline ClubAccommodation on the first night,Emski who took to the bed and bidIan in the men’s competition didTo sum up the trip: LOVE IT! packed into the minibus and flewwas what you might call ‘friendly.’a fabby set routine, but decided2 really nice routines and stayed off up north, into the unknown. WeFour girls and one bloke in a spacethe other trampoline looked niceron the trampoline to finish 4th.Caroline Bambini drove for only a few miles and gotnot even big enough to swing a catand jumped off the end to finish.LOVE IT! stuck on the M25 for two hours,in, but it was comfortable all theShe still managed to score well Caroline going 25 mph! But luckily we weresame. and redeemed herself with aBambini kept occupied with some cheesyThe competition day arrived andgroovy voluntary routine and cameand Annie tunes (lots of Britney and S Clubfirst on the trampoline was the9th overall. Jo was up next, andFanny in 7). Following tonnes of tunelessAction Man who did a tasteful cou-again she started really well, butthe ladies singing and consumption of loadsple of moves and then shimmiedtook a bit of a flying dive andcompetition of crisps, we arrived in Nottinghamstraight off the side of the trampo-crashed out unfortunately. But herdid 2 bril- line - in style of course! 2nd routine was fab and she cameliant rou- tines and ended up 1st and 3rd. The birds managed to take gold in the ladies team award, just to prove no-one bounces beds better than the Surrey Slappers and Did I ever mention I like velvet? -Sports Ed Surrey gold on display Innocent